The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 468 - Gen Fricker & Mike Goldstein

Episode Date: September 24, 2019

This week we're joined by Triple J's GEN FRICKER and Phone Hacks' MIKE GOLDSTEIN! We have way too much fun with a name on an old poster of Mike's before getting into Gen's recent trip to Mexico and learning about the very 2019 way that she survived on the other side of the world. Mike's been planning a wedding in Honolulu PLUS a very raunchy new challenge and a dating mishap for Tommy! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Jen Fricker and Mike Goldstein. We've got a bunch of live stuff coming up. We'll have some announcements for you in the back end of the episode. Some new dates. Stick around, listen to that at the end, but until then, enjoy this new episode with Mike Goldstein and Jen Fricker. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo.

With me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, Dickhead. Do we have to do any official business up top based on announcements from last week or no? Got a buy- around this week? No, I think we get straight into the guests. Get straight into the guests. I don't really know what you're referring to, so maybe we should have talked about this off air.

Okay, well, please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Jen Fricker and Mike Goldstein. Had to pause there because I'm so used to seeing both of your Facebook pseudonyms. One of these guys' actual names. Just give it away right now. You can say them. You're just driving millions of people to your individual fan pages by doing that? Yeah, millions. Millions.

Yeah, the amount of hits. Actually, the fake name that I use is what I was announced as on a cruise ship because the cruise director could not remember my actual name. Great. Wow. Yeah. So he called me a very fucked up sounding name.

And your name is... Facebook user. Yeah. Yeah. Your name's not hard. No. It's not uncommon. No.

Yeah. A lot easier to remember than your Facebook name, which is not a name that exists in the normal world. Yeah. It's not like some Dr. Seuss bullshit. Yeah, yeah. Old mate's been out at sea too long. Yeah.

He's just like, this is what sounds normal. This is what people on the land are calling themselves now. He's got brain scurvy. He's fucked up. Yeah. So for the rest of the cruise,

I just went by that fucking fake name. Yeah. Couldn't be bothered correcting anyone or anything. Boy, it's a shame we can't say what it is. Yeah. It's such a good one too, but I don't want to dox you on this podcast. Thomas Olsop. That's your name.

What a silly name. It's not a name at all. Obviously made up. Go ahead, just phone hack me straight away. But what was your other one where there's like a thing that you re-shared recently, a gig that you did where they didn't know who was going to be supporting you, so they just made up names of comedians.

They had no support acts when they were making the posters, so the feature acts that they made up were Dallas Dent and Gabriel Analysis. Where was this? This is some Gold Coast gig.

Gold Coast is the fucking best. Gabriel Analysis is the funniest shit. They just had no idea the genius they were putting on that poster with that name. Oh, it's amazing. What's wrong with and more and more TBC. Like they think that the idea that they think,

so when they're putting that poster out there, like you can't put and more, you can't put Anmore, you can't put To Be Announced. Like, they think it's more attractive to the average punter to see a name that they've never heard of than it is to see, well, we don't have our shit together. And they're probably right. I like the idea of someone being like,

Dallas Dentist, wait. Oh, I think I saw them on the gala last year. Let's go. Yeah, that would be interesting. If you just did a poster of all fake names, you probably would get a lot of people, because no one wants to look stupid. Everyone wants to look like they're in the know.

You probably would get a lot of people being like, oh, yeah, huge Dent fan here. Can't wait to come down and see him at the European Beer Cafe this Thursday night. But so the Dent thing is not, I don't think that's a viable thing. But someone called Gabriel and Nelson, I would look at that poster and go, well, I can't wait to see what this fucking oh yeah this is gonna be amazing someone with a name how's he gonna get away with that intro right please welcome to the stage gabriel analysis

what's he gonna riff on off the back of that they were trying to aim for gabriel inglesias and they just couldn't spell it i think maybe yeah but then what's dallas meant to be? I don't know, but they spelled it D-A-L-I-S and then Dent was normal. C-A-L-I-S. Darlis. Darlis Dent. Darlis Dent. Like Kellis.

Feliz Navidad. Well, you know what's awesome about this is that now that we've put this out there, this is in the public domain now, so anyone who's maybe thinking about starting comedy, these names are just up for grabs. Take it. In a weird way become this could all be cyclical and we actually through you know these people have ended up being created yeah and also because if you're after your first gig and

you've always wanted to do stand-up but you can't get uh you know booked you can just tag yourself on that old poster with gabriel analysis use that name and go, well, I've already gigged with, with Mike Goldstein or whatever the fuck he's called these days. So first gig first, before you even do your first open mic, you've already got a credit on the gold. Yeah. Yeah,

man, you know, you know, I'm good down here in Melbourne. I've, I've done the rough gigs up in the gold coast, as you can see. Yeah.

You know, Gabriel analysis as seen at the velvet Lounge on the Gold Coast. And these people are like, fuck. The home of comedy. Yeah. And the idea that he's like, you know,

the real Gabriel analysis if this guy ever does start a career and uses this name. He's like a, you know, he's like some Goliad trained. He's like a real surrealist.

He comes out, he's just like balancing a ball on his head and, you know, the punters are sitting there going, this cunt isn't analysing anything. Yeah. This is fucking false advertising. Yeah. Now that is a tough one like all right you take the name gabriel analysis and you know a lot of people come out there and go i know

you're thinking i look like a cross between this and this right now what do you say off the back of the intro my name is please welcome to stage gabriel analysis yeah what do you say? I know what you're thinking. Oh no, you go, or for short, gay anal. Oh God. What a thing to pull out of such a spectacular name like Gabriel analysis. It sounds like a little

bit of a waste. That would smash on the Gold Coast. Yeah, you're right. Oh fuck. So all right, now we've made someone's stage name and given

them their opener. Yeah. Guys. Is this just this episode is us workshopping a new comedian? Yeah. This is like Robocop. Are we talented Mr. Rippling and new comedians? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Are we like a- Weird science. What are they? The $6 million hack. Are we like Simon Fuller or something? Are we like creating the new Spice Girls in one person in comedy? Let's see how many gigs we can get

gay anal on. Gay anal. Because I do love that. Let's say he, you know, that kills on the Gold Coast. That's gig one. Then he's down in Melbourne.

You know, word's gotten down here. Carl, you've heard about this. You know, he rocked the Gold Coast and you've got him on its spleen. He comes out

and it's like, imagine being announced to the stage. Gabrielle analysis. Everyone's gone crazy. He comes on, he's like, oh, for short, short gay anal yeah now i think that would be the quickest someone could lose a crowd from just sheer like they're on board with this guy on name alone and then he whips that out and it's just severe handbrake everyone's out something about the like brute

like uh simplicity of it that people might be like fuck okay this guy's nuts I'm in you know what I mean this guy has no

sense of what is normal or right so he's probably a genius but also it's horses for courses you know you don't if you play one room

you're not gonna always have the same set for that like okay Gold Coast yeah sure Gay Anal great Gangbusters

what if he's camp standing ovation? Right, right, right. And if he does the limp wrist and stuff, right, axe it out. Oh, so he's a character. So that's his actual name, but Gay Anal is his character. What would his festival show be? Gabrielle Analysis in Analyze This. And it's just him bent over pointing at his butthole.

Okay, that's year one. He wins best newcomer. What's he doing for the follow-up? Analyse that. And he's pointing at someone else's butt with his dick. I like to think that he registers for the festivals and he's got Gabrielle analysis in and then he's got, you know, whatever it is, analyse this or he's just come up with,

oh, Tales About My Dad. And the festival call him up and they're like, it's self-titled. I'm sorry to tell you. We're not putting this in the guide. With a name like Gabriel Analysis, you do know, it's just every year is just like Gabriel Analysis in Gabriel Analysis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the band where the album title is the band's name

and then there's a song on the album that's also the band's name, know but what about so you know you've got that opener as your gold coast opener but what about like we said you are in melbourne you know what's a little bit more what are you gonna do with your corporate gig you're not gonna more urbane yeah you're high paying when you when you're doing a corporate it's already getting corporate he's done one gig on the gold coast everyone else comes out he's playing he, oh, well, you know. He's playing Westinghouse. He's doing a Westinghouse corporate. He's getting paid 10 to 12.

Large. Now, you can't come out. Fuck. I know. I know he's doing all right. You can't come out and go gay anal. Gay anal. Yeah.

So in that case, we've got to come up with at his club set, what's his second joke? Right. Which when he does a corporate becomes his opening. Or just a nicer joke. You know, he's come down, he's tried to crack Melbourne. We all know they all drink bloody lattes and we're skivvies down here, all that stuff. You can't be just busting out the best of Gold Coast.

You've got to have something a little bit more up top. Cerebral. So you're saying what's some good analysing you could be doing up top. Cerebral. You're saying what's some good analyzing you could be doing up top. You come out with props, like with a magnifying glass. He seems like a prop guy. I feel like he'd be a person he'd hit up whoever booked him

at the corporate and be like, oh, so like who you know, who's fucking who in this one? And he'd be like, oh, I'm Gabriel analysis and I'm here to tell you I'm the only person Jenny from accounting hasn't fucked. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That is a lot cleaner than gay anal. Everyone's like, ah, Jenny from accounting. Maybe that's the way he goes. He's got the name Gabriel Iglesias. What a ridiculous name. Yeah. We're not just making shit up here. Sorry, goes. He's got the name Gabriel Iglesias. What a ridiculous name. Yeah. We're not just making shit up here.

Sorry, sorry. That's his fake name that he uses on Facebook so that the fans can't find his private page. Right, right. Gabriel analysis. And then he comes out and says that and then doesn't mention his name for the rest of the set. People are just waiting for the second shoe to drop.

Or where's the analysis coming in? And he never does it. And that's why he gets fans. People just keep going, one day, one day he'll unveil. Why the fuck his last name is analysis? I also like what we're assuming, which just does not happen in the real world, is like the audience at a comedy gig,

they hear the name of the performer and they're just in. You know, like no one, you know, an MC is often like, you know, it's like music's pumping and they're like, please welcome Jeff Rieger. Like no one is taking that in but I think if you were hosting Gabrielle Analysis you'd make an exception

people often expect me to frick stuff on stage when I walk out yeah right no it's such a dumb joke sorry frick stuff

yeah they're like oh she's a fricker like I frick some yeah sorry no it wasn't that dumb because I could see for a second we both went

oh I think we're dumb. We don't understand. How do you do that? Yeah. Frickin' the bean. Frickin' the bean. It's our thing. We always say to Mike and I, we always say, frickin' the bean.

Top of the frickin' the beans. Classic both of you. Now, you guys are varying degrees of jet lag. You've just come from Sydney and you've come from Hawaii. Yes. Yeah. Wait, hang on. Are we going to do anything about Dallas Dent or are we just...

This is only an hour episode. When were you in LA, Mike? Not LA. I just got back from Hawaii this morning. Oh, wow. So, yeah. A bit cooked, but yeah, it was a good trip. Now, you went to Honolulu, correct? Yes. Now, I'm interested in this because

this is something I haven't revealed on the show yet. But this year for Christmas, I'm going with my mother and father to beautiful Honolulu. Oh, wow. That's nice. For little Christmas. For you three. Yeah. That'll be great.

Yeah. Do you think? Well, probably not. Maybe the first couple of days. Holiday with your parents is sick though. They pay for everything. You know, it's like better than going with your shitty broke friends who are like,

we've all got to sleep in one bed. At least your parents will be like... No, they insist on that. Oh yeah, that's fine. That's a family tradition. Are you sharing a room? No, we're staying in separate places. Yeah, that's sick.

So you're basically just getting a single holiday paid for by someone else. They're not paying, but it will be fun. You meet up for meals and then you do your own thing. Yeah. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. That's nice.

But from your experience, do you think it's a good place to be? I mean, it's not. What's your Honolulu tips? My tips? Okay. Well, there's radio stations that play nothing but Jack Johnson and Jason Mraz nonstop. So that's a selling point. And they do.

Every other shop is a fedora shop or a ukulele shop. So that's the kind of tourists you're looking at. But now, because Jetstar flies there round trip, it's cheaper than getting to Perth. It is fucking Bogan Central. Oh, really? Australians, are we on our way to fucking it, are we? We just heard. The all sops are going.

Yeah, one of the great Bogan family. But, man, it's good. I mean, if you just want to hang out at the beach and do nothing, I guess, get a car, go to the North Shore, hang out. I don't know. Did you go just for holiday or did you go to do stuff? We're looking at wedding venues. You and your parents. Me and my parents. Pretty cool. just for holiday or did you go to do stuff? We're looking at wedding venues. Oh.

You and your parents. Me and my parents. Pretty cool. You're finally getting married. Exactly. To you. Yeah, it took long enough. We're going to get Gay Anal to do a set.

Fuck it, that guy crushes her. Yeah. I didn't think he would by that name at corporate gigs like weddings, but anyway.

I insist. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And we actually were looking at wedding venues on September 11th. And my partner was very annoyed because I asked all the venue reps how much cheaper it would be if we got married on this day. Great. And yeah, they were very confused.

She was, like I said, annoyed at me. Absolutely no discount? No. Well, they were just like, well was, like I said, annoyed at me. Absolutely no discount? No, well, they were just like, well, no one's ever asked that before. Also, it's not a great day for weddings, considering it's known for two things not being together anymore. Yeah, exactly. Very, very good. And that's, you know, I said, you know, we won't send out save the dates.

We'll send out never forgets. So I think someone's trying gear on us. And that's, you know, I said, you know, we won't send out Save the Dates. We'll send out Never Forgets. So I think someone's trying gear on us. This is all just shit that I was doing to annoy the shit out of her. Yeah. I like the idea of like, you know, you and I are friends, Mike, but I wouldn't say we're like super close. I like the idea that I go to Honolulu. Honolulu hurts.

What a way to find out. Sad to see our place, honestly. I thought we were tight. say we're like super close all right i like the idea that i go to honolulu hurts and i on this family holiday and just absolutely love it and then i'm just coming back and i just crawling up your ass yeah like looking for an invite to this honolulu wedding i'm like i've made my call i want to go back yeah yeah hey mike just on the phone all the time hey man you're moving house but you don't need an invite to go there because it's not like Mike's paying for anyone to fly over there. Yeah, that's true. That's a good point. You could go and stay in the hotel next door to Mike while his wedding is on and just look out the window and give him the thumbs up every now and then.

Oh, that's pretty cool. Maybe I'll do that. You could do that. Sure. Maybe he'll book you as gay anal. Oh. That could be the debut of it. Yeah.

I quit comedy only to re-emerge like a beautiful phoenix several months later as gay anal. I like how we've just so quickly got rid of Gabriel and Alison. We all decided that was the best name. He's a close friend of ours. That's why we call him Gabriel. We know him well. Strangers call him Gabriel.

Please, Gabriel analysis was my father. Yes, exactly. If I didn't know any better, I would say that we were all just talking about how much we loved the phrase gay anal before the show and we've just reverse engineered this bizarre story to try and get ourselves off the hook of just saying it flat out for an hour.

Feels good. Feels great. Feels really good. Honolulu. So, yeah, I've never been there but i you know i always if i want beach i stop about four or five hours before that right go to another little island uh i don't want to reveal which one it is in case you know people find out and chase me over there three or four hundred at a time but uh is accurate? Is it on the way? Well, no.

You just buy the flight to Honolulu. You're like, just let me out here. Thanks. Yeah. Well, my wife has wanted to go there before and I always just go, why? It's like 12 hours to get there, isn't it? So, there's a 10-hour flight? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, why go there when you can go to Koh Samui and it takes about nine hours? Well, I think Koh Samui is probably ten times cheaper. Yes. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like normal prices over there, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, why Hawaii?

Well, it's halfway for the American side and the Australian side. What about the Sri Lankan side, though? The Sri Lankan side. So now that's something maybe we haven't explored properly when we've talked to you, that your parents, one of them is American, one of them is Sri Lankan. Yes. And it's not immediately physically obvious that you come from Sri Lankan stock. Yeah.

My brother and sister are very brown. Yes. Now, I saw a picture only very recently of this. You can see the Sri Lankan there, but with you, it's not apparent one bit. No. No. I got all the Boston Jew from my dad. Right, right.

And then brother and sister, brown. And then mom, yeah, tiny little brown lady. And she lives in Kansas and people just assume she's Mexican. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. We have a new neighbor and she got some mail and took it over

and before she could say anything, he said, I'm sorry, I don't speak Spanish. Wow. And she's, yeah, she's just fucking, all the time, I don't speak Spanish. Wow. And she's just fucking all the time. People just assume that about her. They just don't even know what Sri Lanka is in America, though, I guess. Yeah. So it's pretty shitty for her living in Kansas now.

She had a Hillary Clinton bumper sticker on her car. Right. And her car got keyed multiple times. Oh, wow. That's fucking brutal yeah that is that just the hillary clinton reference or is it the whole package or what do you i don't know but you know it's uh she's they're threatening to move here so we'll see how do you feel about that i i'm not into it says it all exactly yeah i'm not into it but uh But I like going back to the States once a year for a month or so and hanging out.

And then they come to Perth now, so I go back over there and see them over the summer. So that's enough, really. Right. Yeah. It's nicer though when they get older and whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. True. You know, just the little things like your mum getting threatened.

Yeah. It would be nice if that didn't happen. Oh, yeah, totally. Yeah. Do you know what's fucking crazy, though? I went to Mexico like a month ago. Oh. And I look like kind of brown.

Yeah. So people then assumed I was Mexican. Right. And being Mexican in Mexico fucking rules. Oh. Everyone loves you. Oh, wow. And then I was hanging out with my friends.

Are you saying that if you walk around in Mexico and you're Mexican, just nonstop people are coming up going, are you Mexican? High five. Stop discount. Because I was hanging out with my friend who's like an Australian dude, tall, white dude, long blonde hair. Like basically looks like, I don't know, a member of violent Soho or whatever the fuck.

Speaks fluent Spanish though. So when we were walking down the street, people would yell out to me being like, hey amigo, like blah, blah, blah, like talking to me in Spanish. Wow, you are really in a Roadrunner cartoon or something. But then they'd yell at him being like, fuck you white guy.

And then he'd be like, and just like go off at them in like fluent Spanish. It was amazing. Yeah. Mexico's sick though. Like they've really taken the whole trump thing and run with it like they're just like in what way what do you mean they just they're just like yeah fuck that guy that guy sucks like you get into the airport at

mexico city and there's tea towels you can buy from the airport that just say like trump is a racist and that kind of shit there's bars there's a bar i went to in mexico city called the better side of the wall oh yeah yeah they're leaning in yeah they're just like yeah fuck you we are great yeah yeah making the best of a bad situation yeah yeah i'd love to go to mexico me too it's it's what so what did you do there is it like a beach holiday what did you i went so i was in la for a week and then i went to mexico i went to puerto escondido which is like a small little beach town and i went surfing which was really nice and then i went to Puerto Escondido, which is like a small little beach town. And I went surfing, which was really nice. And then I went to Mexico City by myself.

Basically, because I do radio, I get really sick of talking all the time. So I just go to countries where... Thanks for coming in. Well, I went to... I was like, I'm just going to go to a country where I don't know anyone really and I don't really speak the language so that I don't have to talk. Right, right. Oh, nice.

But they may think you're from there so they're trying to talk to you all the time. Yeah, and then they're just talking there and then I'm just like, ah, right. Oh, nice. But they may think you're from there, so they're trying to talk to you all the time. Yeah, and then they're just talking there, and then I'm just like, ah, si. Gracias. Yeah, no, I was there, but I went there, and I was real fucking- And of course, the home of Gabrielle Analysis. Exactly, yeah. You've got to pay, you've got to kiss the ring of the dawn, obviously. But I went, and-

Senor Analysis. My car. obviously but I went and senior analysis my car that sounds like a medical procedure we're going to have to we're going to have to do a senior analysis on you bend over

yeah that's the thing where the government sends you the little cup to shoot in when you turn 50 or whatever it is yeah

but I was there and my card got frozen for like three days when I was in Puerto Escondido which which is like, yeah, it's like a tiny beach town. They don't really have ATMs anywhere. It's all cash-based.

So how good is this town? Is it great? It's fucking amazing. Yeah. Like all I did was like drink tequila, sleep in a hammock and read. Like it was amazing. Yeah, because I think of like, you know. That's a good pick up.

You heard no ATMs and you're like, sounds great. Fucking hate the bank getting in in um lining up yeah and it's all just like yeah like little restaurants with like abuelas are just making like tacos and being like here you go yeah yeah like the real deal yeah it was it was fucking legit it was so good but i was there and i um my credit card got frozen and i was like Fuck I'm legit broke For the next three days Did for what Did your bank Like think

You'd been It had been stolen or something Yeah they were like What's this bitch doing in Mexico Right Right She has no business there

So I mean she looks Kind of like She might have Probably Big debate at the bank I don't know I'm looking at a photo of her right here.

She might just have gone home. But they froze my card, so I was like, oh, fuck it. Like, I got to Mexico City. I was like, I've got accommodation, but I don't have any money. So I was like, what the fuck do I do? So when I'm Bumble. Oh, this is good. This is.

Is this legal, what we're about to hear now? Bumble's a dating app, Kyle. Yeah. No, I know. It was a real humbling moment for me. Just so you know, you painted the picture where I need money. I'm going to get on Bumble and earn money? Well, not earn money as such.

Go out on a date. Yes. And have some drinks paid for. Yeah. I thought you were going to say go on a date, say I'll fuck you out on a date. Yes. And have some drinks paid for. Yeah. I thought you were going to say go on a date, say I'll fuck you for a burrito. Yeah. No, I'm a girl.

I don't need to fuck anyone for a burrito. Basically, I went and ate the burrito and then left. Right. Because I was like, I'm jet lagged. Oh, wow. So you went on a date? Yeah. A few.

A few? Oh, shit. Like a lunch date, a dinner date like a lunch date a dinner date a breakfast date I feel terrible because like that's amazing

were these all tourists you were going on no they were Mexican men oh wow so I I feel terrible about it because I really oh like

I'd love it if there's like wanted posters up of you around the country like you're sitting there the bumble banded oh my god so like I got there and I was like, I can't wait to, like, treat myself to fancy things.

And then, like, yeah, my credit card was fucking frozen. I had to wait a few days. So, I was like, I wonder what Mexican dating culture was like. And then I was researching and I was like, oh, Mexican men love to pay for food. Right. And I was like, well, I mean, it would be culturally insensitive of me. Yeah. To offer to pay.

And just impossible to do that as well. Simply impossible. So this is why some people have that thing when they're in a relationship and they go overseas or whatever. It's like it doesn't count. Do you feel that way about modern feminism? Yeah, that's exactly what I was like. Oh, please, I'm just a defenseless little girl who can't have my food for herself oh my god

I felt terrible because I was like I'm a strong feminist like I can do it I'm going to fucking Mexico by myself I'm gonna like empower myself

treat myself and then I got there and I was like I'm a little baby please daddy buy me a taco yeah yeah yeah

but then also like but also like because you're there in this tiny little town so it's not like you're in a big city and you're sort of like oh no I was in Mexico City little town, so it's not like you're in a big city and you're sort of like. Oh, no, it's Mexico City by that point.

I thought you were saying you're in that little town. No. I thought that would have absolutely caught up to you because it's this tiny little town. She's running me out with pitchforks and shit. You go out with the six single guys that are in this one town. And then forevermore, there's the legend of the tight ass Australian girl that just bankrupt the town. Yeah.

No. Mexico City. So, all right. that just bankrupted the town. Yeah. No. Mexico City. So, all right. You're in the big spot. Although, I mean, honestly, going to an essentially developing nation and being like, can you buy me dinner? Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Not a great look.

My credit card got lost. My Australian credito. I know I come from Australia, but it's not what you think. I am a very successful radio DJ there as well. Shit. Yeah, no. Well, you know. But tell us about these free meals, though.

They were fucking amazing, honestly. So did you speak, because you don't speak Spanish. Yeah. Were you on dates with Spanish-speaking guys that couldn't speak English? Yeah, so it was a bit of like using my translator app. Oh, wow. To be like, boop, boop, boop, and type in like... Extra guac, please.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the other thing is like Mexico City is a city of 22 million people in Mexico City. That's a lot of free meals. 22 million people, 22 million stories, 22 million different dinners. I'm surprised you came back. But a lot of people just like have never met foreigners before, especially people from Australia. And they'll never try and meet them again.

Yeah, I'm a terrible fucking diplomat for sure. They're like, we thought Americans were bad, but fucking Australians are the worst. So what was the number? You went on six of these dates. I went on, yeah, six. Did any of them, so you leave, did any of them then hit you up again and be like, hey?

Yeah, and then I'm just like, oh, unmatched. Donata. That is. Why would you be hitting me up at 3 p.m.? Hit me up at 7. Yeah, right. When my tummy's rumbling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Man, that's great. that is why would you be hitting me up at 3pm hit me up at 7 yeah right when my tummy's rumbling yeah yeah yeah

man that's great and then by the time you know my credit cards came back online I was fine oh then you're back to Beyonce

yeah yeah then I'm back to being the fucking worst first world tourist ever yeah if this ended in you like finding true love that's I mean

that's a story for the wedding you know what I mean yeah well yeah but true love with an enchilada like not with a guy yeah yeah yeah there's definitely like a prawn taco i'm thinking about every day before i go to sleep so which was was that yeah which which of the suitors had the best meal well i um one guy took me for churros and like this like hot chocolate situation which this is like the bachelor but with with entrees yeah this is actually a really good uh dating show so you

go on a date with someone it's like no it's it's better than that it's combining the two popular things it's the cooking cooking and dating show yeah yeah so it's it's like you're on the show, Jen, right? You're dating. Let's say you go on six dates and they get to pick where they take you. They're wearing masks. It's a bit like the Masked Singer so that you can't see really anything about them. You also don't speak the language. So really you just basically pick which bachelor you want to be with based on the meal that they chose for you to have. This is good.

This is actually good. This is good because you get rid of like boring personality. So you're just picking what a guy looks like plus what he's ordered for you at a restaurant. That's fucking good. Yeah, fuck yeah. But then the show is just watching Jen eat. And then get to the end and go, I liked the burrito test. And now we will marry.

Oh, he's fugly. Oh, no. Yeah, no. There was a guy in a market that made really good tostadas and I was like, I'm in. There was a vibe going. There was a vibe going?

Oh, he made the tostadas. Oh, so you went on a date with him and he made them? I was on a date and the guy took me to a tostada place. And you met another guy on the date? But there was more of a vibe between me and the tostada man. Do you have to nudge them towards the food option? Because surely people are like coffee or drinks. I'm like, oh, I'm Australian.

I've never been to Mexico City before. Where do you think I should go? And then they're like, oh, well, I'd love to take you to this like jazz bar or mech unmatch or you know whatever i'm like i just want to eat everything like a winky face and then they're like okay yeah but the thing is the language of love i know you don't need to know sp. But the thing is, I'm really proud of myself. I didn't even make out with any of these people. Oh, you didn't really make out with them? No, like I truly didn't make out.

I think I was purely there for the food. It's really hard to know if that would make me think less or more of you. I know. If you're like, I'd smooched all of them. I think I would find that admirable in some weird way. It would have been politer, I think. Definitely would have been polite. I mean, I don't know that much about their culture and what manners are over there.

I love this, but I'm also, I've talked about this before. I grew up, my mum and dad were shopkeepers. So when I see someone go into a shop and they just walk out, I sort of go, you're fucking wasting everyone's time. So I like your story, but there's a little bit of the shopkeeper in me going, well, give them something. So Bumble is like the modern shop for you. I 3,000% wasted

No, I don't think I wasted their time. We had fun. We made memories. They got to watch you type into your phone. And also you're in Mexico, so I'm presuming the meals cost $2 or something, maybe? Yeah, yeah.

But I mean, relative to2 or something, maybe? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But I mean, relative to what people earn, maybe. I'm trying to make her feel good. Honestly. I know. I don't feel good about it. It's actually like a thing that I am genuinely like, I know this is not a good thing to do.

But funny though. It's very funny. But are you now that you're home, are you tempted to maybe play up your semi-Mexican looks and now go to Australians and go, I'm a stranger in your strange land called Australia, but I've heard a lot about your food here. Yeah. How about we go out?

You have to do an accent. You have to do a broad Mexican. Not online you don't have to. Well, yeah, but once you meet up. Once you meet up, too late. Yeah. Yeah, you've already got the grill, you're stuffing your mouth.

You've pointed the menu. Yeah. Just use a translator. Maybe I should do like a whole mute date where I don't... I pretend I don't speak English. I use a translator app, show it to them

and then they take me out. I come from Cancun and I'm here on holiday. I've got laryngitis from the flight over. I've been sick. I'd love to sample some of your famous Australian cuisine. And then they're like, aren't you Jen Fricker

from Radio? That's what I was thinking. The idea of one of these Mexican men ever coming on a holiday here to Australia and then just turning on yeah, have you been paying attention? It's her. El Taitazo. Well,

that was the other thing as well because then they were like, because on dating apps, they're like, oh, what's your Instagram? Like, I'll message you on that

and then they see my Instagram and they're like, wait a second. Why did I just pay for all of that? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, not that anyone did that,

but I did. I mean, look, I don't feel great about it. I'm still processing. Hey, maybe they'll listen to this I mean, look, I don't feel great about it. I'm still processing. Hey, maybe they'll listen to this. Yeah. Hola, bebis.

You've seen the downloads. Besos. You've seen the download stats. We're huge in South America, aren't we? Yeah. I'd love to go to Mexico. It's fucking sick. I want to do it, yeah.

I have like, it's now my new fantasy of being like, I'll just run away to Mexico for six months. Yeah. Just bring $5 and come home with $4. Yeah. I wonder how many free meals I could get over there. You could get a few. Using the same.

Using the Fricka method. Yeah. Well, I mean, you know, did we ever talk about it on the main pod that when we went to Serbia to do that gig with our friend Milan? Yes. That Serbia probably, if anywhere I've been in the world, probably the hottest women I've ever seen in my life.

Really? Most of them walking around with the ugliest men I've ever seen anywhere. Just disturbing stuff. And a part of me did think, I could move here and clean up. I reckon I'd do well. I reckon I'm a Serbia 8, honestly. I reckon I could do all right there. So'm a Serbia 8. Honestly. Like I reckon I could do alright there. So who knows? Maybe Mexico's the same thing.

You know, maybe this is desirable to the Mexicans. I don't know. Yeah, I was like killing it in Mexico. Me and my friends decided I'm a Mexican 10. I'm a Sydney like 6. I'm a Mexican 10. I'm a Melbourne 8, but I'm a Mexican 10.

Yeah. So well, you so well you're not paying for dinner tonight then obviously no absolutely not for an 8 you'll be getting dessert you can do

three courses I'm just going to get a Melbourne coffee I don't know sorry it's lazy now isn't it

I like the way I like the idea of like me trying that on because it is such a different you know me going over to

Mexico and seeing how many free meals I can get i'm just like girls being at the restaurant being like how about you get this one yeah yeah just you hitting up some sort of uh relative of selma hayek and just expecting to get not only you know a date but free stuff out of there as well the family fortune yeah yeah but the thing the difference you'd be going for the smooch every time yeah oh yeah definitely but you know what though i think universally standards for straight men are so low you know what i mean if you are a man if you like from being a single woman who dates men um if you have a mattress with a fitted sheet that fits over four corners of your bed, you are in the top, I would say, 5% of the single public. Wow.

Absolutely. It's my personality that's counting against you. For real though. Because you've got the bed. I can see the bed from here. So that's my opener, just a photo of the bed. I'm not trying to be suggestive here. I'm just letting you know I've got the bed I can see the bed from here Yeah So that's my opener Just a photo of the bed Now I'm not trying to be suggestive here

I'm just letting you know I've got a fitted sheet Do you know how many times I've gone back to a dude's place And been like Oh that's a You don't have a doona cover Okay cool

Well it never happened in Mexico I know that Yeah yeah yeah I mean Went back to my Airbnb by myself I have heard stories of friends Going home with someone

These being like girls That they've gone home with to be fair And like getting to their place And they're just like No under sheet Like no fitted sheet Just them doing it on a just bare mattress Yeah So you say

Now is this Would this be true that The majority of men out there are just absolute shit cunts Is that what you're saying? Because I would say yes. I mean, my wife has a lot of single friends and she's always like, why don't you introduce them to all of your friends? I'm like, I would not introduce anyone to any of my friends.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Same with me and most of my male friends. Fuck you guys, but sorry. Yeah, yeah, for sure. I just, yeah, no. I mean, at least you have a place tommy like of your own so the bar is so low oh the fact that you mean the fact that i live alone no that you live away from your parents that i'm not homeless yeah all right okay yeah yeah yeah and it looks like you vacuumed

recently like this can be deceiving yeah but you know what i mean like it is so it's so much lower right yeah like i know that often people like women just want nice guys or like yeah yeah yeah you know like studs or whatever it's like no we just want like to walk in and not be hit with like the smell of bo and gold cum like that it's crazy to think that you well you at least you got you didn't get half of that today so that's yeah that's true yeah yeah it's crazy to think that you go through... Well, at least you didn't get half of that today. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's crazy to think that you go through a point of your life where as a man you're actively trying to fuck while you still live with your mum and dad. Yeah.

Like that's wild to be trying on at a certain point in your life. Well, what are you going to do in Honolulu? Yeah, interesting. I'll be staying in a different place, but even then I'll still, you know... Well, hang on. I'll still feel weird about it. Are you in a different resort to your parents? No we're both in Airbnbs

Oh wow We're in like separate buildings Like a block away from each other Oh okay Yeah Right Yeah I thought it was going to be one of those hotel rooms

With a door In between Oh yeah yeah yeah Like a check in on you Yeah Yeah pretty brutal Just like barricaded from my side Yeah

Yeah Why aren't you in a hotel or anything like that? What's the difference? Well, because it's Christmas. It's really expensive. Oh, of course. I started looking at Airbnbs and there's like a lot of really nice apartments that are, you know, great. So what are you doing for the traditional Honolulu Christmas lunch dinner?

I don't know. Maybe a luau. No. Oh. Yeah. I suggest do not do that. Really? Are they bad?

It's the worst experience. What is this? What I want? This is what I want. This is what I need. It's just they take you out to this fucking mountainside. That's all pretty and nice part of the island and everything. But then it's just the most touristy, family-oriented bullshit. They'll get you to play. We're a family.

And you're tourists. No. But they'll get you to play little games. Little games. You've got to introduce yourself. Have you're tourists. No. But they'll get you to play little games. Love games. You've got to introduce yourself. Have you looked around this house? I'm in a boy cave right now. But yeah, they'll make you introduce yourself to everyone at the table and say your first name and something.

Gabriel. Yeah, Gay Anal. I was going to say, say something that you like. So Gay Anal, check it out. This sounds great. What are you talking about? No, say something that you like, so gay anal, cha-cha. Yeah, yeah. This sounds great. What are you talking about? No, man, trust me.

No, you know what you could do for Christmas dinner? Get on Bumble. Oh, yes. Just be like, oh, we have to go in town. That is the ultimate challenge, getting a free meal on Christmas Day. Say you're an orphan. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Even just trying to fuck on a dating app on Christmas Day is a large move. Yeah. I reckon you could do it. You reckon the concept can happen or you reckon me specifically? Because they're two separate things. I reckon both. I reckon it wouldn't be great but I reckon it could happen. What about this? What about all three of us that aren't Tommy, we chuck in 20 bucks each

we bet him that he can't root on Christmas Day in Honolulu. Oh, my God. Oh, shit. Just on Christmas Day? Yes, yes. Oh, man. So Boxing Day, I'm not getting the money.

No, no, no, no, no. Really? Not interested. I mean, I would think. That's not a good story. Who cares? Yeah, but it's a. There's sales.

There's a lot of passion on Boxing Day. I know. Anyone can root on Boxing Day. Yeah. But it's like, it's a week. We're there for like a week. So it's a Christmas holiday. I still have the handicap of being on a trip with my parents for that whole week.

Boring, no. Don't introduce your parents. Just be like, hey, I'm Tommy. No, I know that's not how you do it. Don't be like, hey, I'm Tommy and these are my parents. Let's have a room. Yeah, okay. All right.

Well, you, I mean, this is good advice and you're on the hook for 20 bucks. Yeah, that's the fucking lily. You shouldn't be trying to make it easier for me. I reckon you can do it. Yeah. I reckon that, I mean, look, maybe there's a girl Tommy on Honolulu right now. Yeah, maybe. Exactly.

A tourist, if there's a tourist on there, they're not observing all the niceties. They don't have the family with them maybe. Or maybe they do have their family and they want to get away. That's the ideal scenario. That's what I'm hoping for. Gabriella analysis is waiting for you. Someone who's, oh yeah, so if they have the name Gabriella,

is that like, will you all up to 40 bucks? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Double the money. Double it. But we need all evidence of everything. We need to see it. As we're saying, you need to film it. Double it. But we need all evidence of everything. We need to see it. As we're saying, you need to film it. Yeah, we need to see it going in, all that sort of stuff.

Gabriella, you do anal fucking triple the money. Yeah, absolutely. It's like a pinball. We need to have all the multipliers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You put some flowers around the edge of the condom so it looks like you've got a luau around your dick as you're doing it.

What's that worth? That's 50 from me. Fucking hell. I can't even get a route in Melbourne in the middle of July and here I am on Christmas day. So we get there on the 20th of December. But no one's paying you to do it here. So you know that.

I've never had the incentive. I reckon it's easier to cop a route on a holiday because you've got your whole like, I'm a stranger in a foreign land. Yeah, that's true. I don't have my own baggage. But having said that, Goldstein's just told us that it's in a foreign land. Yeah, that's true. I don't have my own baggage. But having said that, Goldstein's just told us that it's full of Australians now. Yeah, that's true. Let's just go there.

Maybe the magic is gone somewhat. But again, you're... Yeah, I don't know. So I think we get there on the 20th of December. So that's not a lot. I've really got to get down to blast tax. Hey look, if you're in Honolulu from the 20th of December and you want to root

Tommy then... Yeah, if you've always wanted to go on some form of a dumb dumb reality tour then... If you want to buy Tommy a meal in Honolulu Am I whoring you out? Is this what this is? Yeah, but I'm fine with it. It's feminist for me to do it.

It's actually really me to do it. It's progressive. It's actually really brave of me. How do you get away from the parents for the day? It's Christmas. You've got to spend the... See, that's the biggest challenge. Finding a spare... Yes, finding a spare five minutes on Christmas Day

to get a nut off while I'm meant to be doing a family activity. But, look, let's be realistic. You know, you're going to do a lunch. You're going meant to be doing a family activity. But look, let's be realistic. You know, you're going to do a lunch. You're going to do something. This is at night. This is at night that you're allowed to get away.

And your parents, your parents would be fine with an early dinner. If you could have a five o'clock dinner. They're usually in bed around 9pm. Yeah.

So I'm just at the table just frantically on Bumble or Hinge. I've got them all open. Yeah. I'm just going, I'm just going hell for leather on the apps.

Maybe you would be, I mean, I'm thinking, going hell for leather on the apps. Maybe Luau would be good. I mean, I'm thinking, do I just go on the apps or am I best to be putting myself out there in the social things where I might meet people? Well, yeah, like I said, at Luau, they make you introduce yourself. They're behind your table and stuff. My name's Tommy and I'm trying to fuck. So just to get a record on our long-term plans here on the Little Dunlop Club podcast. So in the next month, we're trying to get you to jerk off a bull.

And then in the next three months, we're going to get someone else to try and jerk off you. Is that what we're doing? It's pay it forward. And also we're trying to get gay anal books on some corporates. Maybe pre-Christmas. Yes. Yeah, there's a lot of Christmas gigs coming up. So this is the ideal time.

Which could then fund your Honolulu trip. Yeah, totally. It all feeds back in. Well, this is, I mean, to give you a bit of an insight into what dating is like here for me. Now, you've, in a weird way, you have heard the bookends of this story, Carl. I told it on the live episode that people will have heard last week. But there's actually an extended middle section to the story that I think is also kind of interesting. We're going to Pulp Fiction this.

We really are going Pulp Fiction-ing. but you guys won't have heard any of this. So I went on a date with this girl earlier in the year, around March. We went out for breakfast. A nice Hawaiian girl? Was she pretending to be Mexican? She looked like she flies Jetstar. I'd say I'm asking the race for the third date. Now, what are you? And as a person of colour, I've got the race for the third date. Oh, right, right, right. Now, what are you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And as a person of colour, I've got to say, we love that. Where are you from? It's just before, should we go official? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The conversation before can we go official is, where are you from? What is this?

What are you? What is this? I think we're kind of keeping it casual. No, I mean like your face. Is where you're from. What is this? What are you? What is this? I think we're kind of keeping it casual. No, I mean like your face. Specifically. Yeah, yeah. Genetic makeup. So, yeah, we went on this date.

We had a nice time. And then it was just before the comedy festival. So I then – and then right after the comedy festival, we went to London to do a bunch of this stuff. And then just after that, came back and went to Thailand. So I just kind of didn't see her again after that first date. Had a nice first date, but, you know, just busy with her friends. Didn't keep in touch online or anything like that?

Didn't keep in touch, no. And then, so a precursor to this story is a little while ago at the start of the year, I'm a big fan of overeating, right? Love it. Love going too hard. I ordered a pizza from a pizza place that I like. They only do the one size, which is like a massive size of pizza. Right.

And I thought, I'll just get this family size pizza. I won't eat it all tonight. That's fine. It'll be lunch tomorrow. Well, guess what I didn't have for lunch tomorrow? The pizza because I'd eaten the whole fucking thing. Oh, okay. Right.

Just felt appalling. I should have seen that coming Felt horrendous And then I left the pizza box out on my counter for a full week Oh my god To teach myself a lesson Oh to shame yourself To shame myself

Right So then later in the week if I thought about ordering something That's a nice way of describing your laziness That's a very nice way Well look two birds with one stone you know so the whole thing was to just like remind myself like you felt shit when you ate that whole pizza just don't fall into that trap again and it actually did work so anyway um the analogy that i used when i was telling my friend about it was like uh you know like a farmer killing a fox and then

hanging the corpse up to like warn other foxes away like don't come in here it was like mental like teaching myself that. So anyway, a few months ago I'm at my friend's house and we'd had pizza and my friend is like, oh, tell that one you were telling me about what you did to yourself with the pizza box. So I'm there. There's a few of us around. We've had some beers.

I'm absolutely holding court with this story, the same great story you've just heard. It's one of my top ten. We're on tenterhooks. Yeah, everyone's loving it. And so then I've just wrapped up the story and I get a text message. I tell you, Mr Analysis could do with that in his corporate set, I reckon. Hell yeah.

Oh, the pizza box story? Yeah. That'd probably be his corporate opener. Yeah. Yeah. Without gay anal leading into it, I don't know how the pizza story would go, though. That'd be his Weight Watchers corporate, I'd say. Right. Right. how the pizza story would go though. That would be at his Weight Watchers corporate. Right.

This used to be me. And he's got the big pair of pants as well. So I've told that to a group of friends. We're having drinks. And then just after I finished telling it, I get a text message. And it's from this girl that I've been on the date with months ago by this point. Five months ago by this point. And it's from this girl that i've been on the date with months ago by this point five

months ago by this point and it's her texting me saying i'm going to assume that that voicemail wasn't meant for me sounds like you had a good time with that pizza what the hell she then and this is a wild move she then attaches the recording of the voicemail that I've left on her phone. She just sends me the audio clip. That's fine, I think. That's okay. Don't you think that's kind of... I think what's weirder is what you did to start with, which is...

I'm freaking out, right? I get these two messages. I'm like, what the fuck has happened here? And so then I listen back to it and I'm thinking, oh, well, it must just be like muffled in my pocket what's happened is however i've dialed her because i've got the apple watch it's recorded me through that crystal crystal pristine oh it's like you can hear me so well wow it honestly sounds as if i've just sat down and recorded this as a voice memo yeah and then

sent it to her it's it's brutal how long can i ask how long the actual recording was like a minute okay and you were holding court like it was i'm fully i've got it i can play it save it in my email i can play it for you hang on let's now i want to hear it because i mean we've heard the story but let's hear it yeah in context with all the with all your friends hooting and hollering as the story's killing. If they're loving it, then it's one thing. But if it's silence, then it just sounds like you're bombing at a gig. Or that you've been like, ha-ha, I'm here with my friends,

like talking into your watch. He's doing the other voices. Oh, Tommy. You're so cute. You're very funny. Because if you've had one day and then you've obviously come – in one day you've led with, you know, hey, I'm a stand-up comedian. I'm really funny.

And then there's been nothing for five months. And then she thinks your plan is, oh, God, you know, I've lost her. Well, maybe I'll pretend I'm doing my best bit. Yeah. And it accidentally goes out to her. So she gets that and thinks, this is your gala three minutes. Right. This is your gala spot.

Okay, here we go. Okay. Yeah, I just ate a whole pizza one night by myself, and I didn't need to. I was sitting on my kitchen counter, and he deliberately didn't put it in the bin for a couple of days just to teach myself a lesson. I thought it would help me in the future make life easier.

I just have to look at it every day and be reminded, like, yeah, you're still feeling sick, and that's why. Rough stuff. That's right. Because at the start, it does sound like that's the start of the story. You've gone, right, well, this is a nice clean in. Yeah. So I'm, like, losing my mind going, how the fuck has this – because I've never – I've obviously got her number, but I've never called her, so I'm like losing my mind going, how the fuck has this,

because I've never, I've obviously got her number, but I've never called her. So I'm like, it's not like I've gone into the recent call thing and accidentally bumped it. Right, yeah. How the fuck did this happen? So I write back and I'm like, hey, oh, yeah, that is absolutely mortifying. I'm very embarrassed.

I'm very sorry. And she writes back. I can't remember exactly what it was, but it was something to the effect of like, oh, yeah, anyway, have a good night. She was kind of short. She seemed like, which thinking about it later. Which she can do whatever she wants,

and that's normal compared to what you've just fucking done. Well, because to give it some context, this was like maybe 11, 11.30 on a Saturday night, right? So she's missed a call from me. She's seen a voicemail, and she's thinking, I reckon I know what this is. Yeah, a Saturday night. So she's missed a call from me. She's seen a voicemail and she's thinking, I reckon I know what this is. No, you don't, sweetheart. Let's listen to a single man talk about a pizza for a minute.

And then the fact that it's like, you know, there's clearly like girls laughing in the background as well. So it's like, you know, I can totally see from her perspective, it's like this is, you this is pretty shitty or whatever. But you didn't reconnect after that. It wasn't like, ah. So this is the bit that Carl's heard. I did hear from her the other day.

It was a text message that said, Hey, Tommy, I was just thinking about you today because it's R U OK? Day. Oh, my God. Now, we knew that from last week and that was a funny enough story last week. But with that context, it's both funny and it makes sense. Oh my God. Now, we knew that from last week and that was a funny enough story last week. Right. But with that context, it's both funny and it makes sense.

Right, right. I mean, I thought that was funny enough by itself. I didn't feel like getting into playing a voicemail was appropriate for up the top of a live gig. No, totally. So I'm sorry to kind of pulp fiction the audience there, as you were saying before. But yeah, that's rough stuff. And also, if that girl does ever

happen to track this podcast down or hear about this or whatever i'm i mean i'm not i i hope it comes across like i'm not you know she's as you've said she's at no fault in any part of this story yeah she's just doing her due diligence checking up on are you okay yeah that's nice attaching the audio clip is a real youaming. I like it. It's great. I like it. Don't get me wrong. For the sake of posterity for this and for, you know,

because then it's like I'm relaying this in live, you know, live to my friends as I'm sort of working this all out. I'm like, what the fuck? I've just, hang on, I've got this, what? There's a text from her. Oh, and she sent the voicemail and they're all like well we have to play it so for the sake of like the story and everything it's great to have yeah but i would never think to do that no to just go like hey here's for your own records yeah i guess it's a hard one to go back and go uh well this is what you did it's like it's so much easier just to go, well, you listened

to what you just did. Yeah, but also I was there. I said it. It was like three minutes ago. I know what happened. I was telling the story for about the 15th time that night. Just own it and send her a voicemail after every pizza you eat. Yeah, maybe I should. Maybe that's how we...

I mean, you know, if we ever reconnect and, you know, things blossom, we get married one day. I mean, the pizzas of that wedding are going to be... Everyone is leaving having devoured a full family size one by themselves. Boxes left out on the table in tribute to me and my own self-regulation. So, yeah. So that's honestly... I just hope you don't reconnect with her in the next three months before you...

Honolulu....buy yourself a sweet $60 getting a route on Christmas Day. Yeah. Well, I mean, if we do reconnect and it's like we go serious, that's going to have to... I'm like, look, you know, I'm a faithful guy. I've never cheated on a partner before, but I've got to let you know I'm going on this holiday with my parents and I'm afraid...

It could get wild. December the 25th is going to have to be like international waters, okay? I am going to need a hall pass for Christmas Day. Or you use that definite 60 bucks you've got from us to chuck towards her Jetstar flight to Honolulu. Oh, here we go. Yeah. To what?

Fly her over for Boxing Day? No, for Christmas Day. For Christmas Day. Because then you two can consummate your relationship and still complete the contract that we've asked you to. I don't know that you'd be okay. If I all of a sudden end up in a long-term relationship who ends up coming with me to this family Christmas,

you're not going to be ponying up 20 bucks for me going, yeah, I fucked my girlfriend on Christmas Day. I respect it. It's all covered in the T's and C's of this contract. I can play dirty, can I? It's technically you've had intercourse in Honolulu on Christmas Day. That's all we've asked of you. You and I going to court over this would be great.

I said it had to be a root. A girlfriend doesn't count. But she probably just pulls a fricker on Bumble and just gets a free float to Honolulu. So anyone listening to this, so I basically get catfished by someone who's listening to the show who wants a free trip to Honolulu, which I'm saving a sweet 60 bucks on. Yeah, they're really only in it for the pizza because they've heard about all these pizzas you're having in your apartment, you know.

Yeah. It's a huge one-size pizza. And you're not eating all of it at once, so there's still plenty to go around. Well, see, Jen, that's where you're having in your apartment. It's a huge one-size pizza. And you're not eating all of it at once so there's still plenty to go around. Well, see, Jen, that's where you're wrong. I did eat it all at once. You didn't listen to that story. You need to listen to that story a third time to get it out.

He'll send you the voice mail. Oh, my God. Fuck. See, that's a big laugh right there. Yeah. I mean, it almost sounds like you've sent her like a set. Yeah. Like from a club.

Yeah. You're supporting Gabriel and Alice. You're like, what do you reckon, man? You're opening up for gay anal. That sounds amazing. Maybe I'll just put it online. I don't have that many stand-up clips of myself online. Maybe I'll just chuck that on my YouTube.

Here I am killing, killing at a house party. And it's just the audio. Just stick up a picture of an empty pizza box. That looks cool. That's cool. That's edgy. Also, the other part of context of that night where I've told that story was that two of my friends were there and so that all happens

and we're all listening back to the voicemail and going, fucking hell, I'm such a cunt, whatever. And then we get to the end and my friends who are a couple go oh anyway the reason we swung past was to let you guys know that we're expecting a kid wow it's just great real divergent paths in life there yeah oh my god i mean like yeah yeah well i don't know if you heard but i ate a full family size pizza. You're starting a family. Exactly. That reminds me of something. Well, don't say.

I'm eating the same as you guys. Maybe that's what reminded them of the announcement. They just slipped their mind and they're like, God, they're looking at me going, God, what a lonely cunt. Actually, that's the opposite of us. This could be our child one day who then tries to fuck on Christmas. Yeah. If we don't have another one and he ends up severely socially impaired,

this could be our son. All right, guys. Well, there's a lot there for me to work with. I'm going to get into training. I'm actually looking forward to Christmas now. Yeah. Oh, I can't wait to see how this plays out. And because also I'll be in a different time zone.

So you guys can all have your separate Christmas. So like Melbourne time, it's Boxing Day. As we're lining up for the Boxing Day sales, we'll be like stuck to social media. Just looking for the social media equivalent of like The flair going up. Of the smoke coming up from Vatican City for the social media equivalent of the flare going up. Of the smoke coming up from Vatican City for the new pope.

The white smoke going up into the air. As you're getting trampled out the front of David Jones. You're getting trampled in Honolulu. Beating down my door. Yeah, alright, I'm gonna do my best to fuck on this holiday with my parents.

Hell yeah. This show is ruining my life. I don't think it's ruining your life, I think it's making it better, isn't it? Yeah, motivation. That's not boring, I'll give it that. Yeah. And you're getting 60 bucks, that's nothing. You bought yourself something nice over there.

This is like a modern day equivalent of like, she's all that, you know, a guy. What is it like? It's got a teen sex comedy kind of vibe about it. Dating a girl because of a dare. Yeah. It's like so I meet this girl we fall in love over in Honolulu. She moves out to Australia and then one day, and I'm always cagey about what the name of the podcast is

because I never wanted to hear this out. And then one day she's like, I was a bet. Oh, yes. Right. And honestly, a $60 bet, not great. Not great. I wonder what I'm going to do with the $60. Dude, if you're there, buy a fedora and a ukulele.

Yeah. Maybe that's an investment in winning this girl over. Exactly. To spend money to make money. Imagine that. Imagine winning this girl over and you fall in love but then you go, I can't really fully commit to someone

who only loves me for the ukulele. I mean, I found five bucks in the street yesterday and I thought that was pretty sweet. Getting 60 bucks to do a route. Even better. You know there's another way you can make money from having sex, right? Well, what if that awakens, what if this whole thing awakens that in me?

It's like, hey, get money for having sex. That'd feel pretty good. Yeah. Suddenly you turn into Midnight Cowboy. Yeah. Awesome. Just John Boy. Just go, well, I got a route in Hawaii.

I can get a route in Melbourne for money, surely. Yeah. That's crushing coming back and just no one wants it. You have to come, yeah, because at least you're exotic over there you have to come back and pretend you're hawaiian or mexican or something yeah i've talked about this guy that my friends know that like this is maybe six or seven years ago or something he'd never gotten any action here and he went to i think maybe maybe texas or something in the States and he like did great over there, like more action than he's ever seen in his life. And now he makes an annual trip over there.

Great. Just because he's like, well, no one here is fucking me and I know it works over there for whatever reason. I'm big in Japan, so why not play that market? And that man's name? Gabrielle and Alex. No, you're slightly off. It's Dallas Dent.

We knew we'd come back. Double D. All right, guys. We better wrap it up for another week on the Little Dum Dum Club. Thank you very much for joining us. Jen, people can hear you on their radio. Yep. 12 to 3 on Triple J.

I'm playing Perth as well. Oh, cool. Comedy Lounge WA in October. You're going to be there the week, maybe you're there the week after we're there, I think. Maybe. Like 20th of October or something. Yeah, I asked for that.

Sweeping up after the little dum-dums. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want all those crumbs you leave behind. I'm doing a gig in Newcastle on the 27th of September oh nice

we've just been there yeah again yeah reintroducing everyone to comedy everywhere we go they're finally ready they've had another one

I'm doing Sydney Comedy Store at some point I don't know I'm bad with dates but just look on my Facebook page or Instagram

cool yeah and Goldstein you've got your podcast The Phone Hacks company store at some point. I don't know. I'm bad with dates, but just look on my Facebook page or Instagram. Cool. And Goldstein, you've got your podcast, The Phone Hacks. The Phone Hacks with Nick Capper. And you're doing a live tour. Yeah. So we have Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane, and Perth. And so they're all very

soon-ish, aren't they? Soon-ish, yeah. I think Melbourne's end of September and the rest are in October. Can't remember the exact dates. Yeah, you're like a week or two after us in-ish, yeah. I think Melbourne's end of September and the rest are in October. Can't remember the exact dates. Yeah, you're like a week or two after us in Perth as well. I think so. In the two-pronged clean-up tour. Yeah, that's it.

Exactly. Let me quickly read this out, speaking of Kappa, because we had him on the live episode that people heard last week. And we never followed up on this, but Kappa went and did some yard work for my dad. Oh, yeah.

My dad paid Kappa to go to my house and do some stuff and I thought we might talk about that on the live app. So I texted my mum and said did anything funny happen when Kappa was around at the house? And she said we can't really think of anything particularly funny but let's say the nearer we got to lunch the slower he worked. I think you could smell

the quiche in the oven. It disappeared very quickly. Kappa loves a quiche. Yeah, the yard work was weird. They were digging holes to fill with rocks. Yeah, they had these huge boulders in the front yard that were too big to move, too heavy to move. But just that chore sounds like something Capper would do to keep himself busy. Oh, right. Yeah, I'm digging holes to put rocks in.

Yeah, exactly. I might get a good comedy vessel show out of this. Alright, guys. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. And they've done it again. What was that?

That's just the air coming out of the episode. Oh, right. It's done. Right. Yeah. So we pump it up for an hour, and then we've got to slowly deflate it. We usually do that off mic. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sorry. This is behind the curtain, so I thought I'd really, really let people know behind the curtain. Yeah. They have, you're right. Is that, hang on, what did you say before? Well, this is the thing. I said they've done it again. And then that noise happened.

And so, you know, usually I say they've done it again and I get some kind of, you know, confirmation from you that you agree with what I'm saying. Really? But you kind of glossed right over that. And so I was worried that perhaps you thought that they hadn't in fact done it again. Oh, have you said that before?

Yeah. Oh, okay. I must not have been listening. I've said it every week for what feels like about nine years now. Oh, okay. Sorry. I guess it's like wallpaper to me. I've never sort of noticed that.

Right. Now that you say it, we did do it again. They did do it again. You're right. Yeah. That could catch on. That doesn't feel familiar as you're saying it. No, no.

You don't have a slight sense of deja vu? Like most of the things that happen on this show, it all feels really fresh. Fucking good one, mate. You are a real riot. You're a real cracker. But yes, good stuff. Great to have Fricka back on the show. She always comes in yes, good stuff. Great to have Fricka back on the show. She always comes in with some good stuff.

She is a bloody worker of a guest. Big fan. Yep. Unlike a lot of these guests that walk in and go, oh, well, you guys will fucking take care of everything. I'm in your hands. I'll go out on the balcony and have a cigarette for 10 minutes in the middle of the app. I mean, we haven't answered any of the texts for about six months,

but now begrudgingly you've got our Royal Highness presence. We'll walk in. We won't think about one thing to say. You do everything. And then we'll go, oh, fucking, that was shit. Walk out the door. It feels good, doesn't it? It feels really good.

It feels good for someone to want to be on the show and actually bring something to the show. Good on you. Good on you, Jen. Yeah, what loose ends do we need to tie up? So I am now, I'm on the hook. There's a financial. There's money at stake here for me to get a nut off on Christmas Day in Honolulu with

my parents. You have to do it with your parents. Well, I mean, so let's say we talked about the logistics of it a bit on the app. So let's say it's like this happens at night, Christmas night. You know, I spend the day, Christmas Day, with my parents. Doing a bit of groundwork. So let's say I have lined this up on like Bumble or whatever. That's going to be a very weird Christmas Day where just all day I'm just thinking about

what's happening at night. That's a weird setup. Tommy eating a roast with a big set of blue balls all the way through the afternoon. Yep. Anyway, whatever. Just a full turkey coming out and me going down on it just to practice. Yes. Yeah, so that's in the diary.

That's good. Yep, that's happening. Feels good. I don't have anything in the diary coming up, but you've got to jack off a ball and then root a Hawaiian. Yes. Or just someone in Hawaii. 2019 has been a crazy year so far.

Great. A little bit of catch up on not this episode, but the last week's episode, sort of. A listener of the show, well, you know, last week, right, last week's episode was the live one in Melbourne, where we had Andy Lee, we had Nazeem Hussain and we had Kappa doing the Tuxedo Traveller with his big extravagant trip from Melbourne to Melbourne and his magnificent start to the episode. Written to perfection, that bit. Yes. The same day that that episode came out, a listener of the show hit me up and went, oh, I'm running a footy club gig this weekend. In a couple of days, I'm in a bit of a spot.

Some people are pulled out of this gig. We need a comedian. Would you like to do it? And here's the budget. And I went, absolutely not, for many reasons. Can you say what the budget was? Oh, look, we don't need to really get into it, but it wasn't heaps. Okay.

It wasn't heaps at all. Was it, but you sort of phrased this as if the fee was the main reason for you saying no. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Well, it was a bit of travel. It was a fair bit of travel. Maybe it was like an hour's travel.

So hypothetically, let's say, what would the fee need to have been for you to say yes to this? Oh, God. I don't know. I don't know. I really – it's to travel and to be fucked going to a footy club. I sort of don't really want to do it. Yeah. So it needs to be –

So just name your price. I don't know what the minimum price would be. It has to be – God. I don't know. It would be – You have the number in your head. You just – I don't.

You just want to sound humble. You don't want to like go 50 grand no no not at all i because i know that you're about to play the game on me that i like to play on people no no no i'm that is a good idea yeah i'm genuinely not but i know i i genuinely am interested for people that don't know the game is you go how much you do this for i do it for two thousand dollars cool so you wouldn't do it for nineteen hundred dollars and then you have to go oh well i guess i would well two grand wasn't your number after all, was it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you slowly... Get down to what the actual number is. There's an old episode of this show where we did that for most of the episode. Oh, really? It was how much money would I want to quit comedy. Oh, that's right. And we just... That was funny.

You walk it back by a dollar or by like little $10 increments. And that's the only way you can really accurately assess what the real number is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a good episode. That was funny. I remember it. Because, yeah, I mean, if you're on the other side of it, you go, well, yeah, it's $10 less.

Yeah. Who cares? Yeah. But then you keep saying yes to that each time. Well, all of a sudden, now I'm $100, you know. Yeah, totally. Just like climate change. So, I don't know. it has to be towards a grant

i think i mean that it sounds dumb because i'm not like going oh i'm fucking worth this or you know whatever it is like you're saying there's travel you're a busy guy it's stressful it's like a stressful gig to have to do and everything i don't think that's unreasonable yeah yeah yeah it's it's saturday night and you've you've then got the added hassle of having to get someone else to run your Saturday night gig that you run. Yes. Those are all factors. Yes. Okay.

That's the answer. $1,000. Yeah. Yeah. Let's say that. Interesting. So if you run a footy club and you want Carl to come out, now that he's put it on record.

How much would you do it for? $2,000. Oh, wow. You're twice as good as me. Yeah. Yeah $2,000. Oh, wow. You're twice as good as me. Yeah, yeah. Fuck, that's good. Yeah. So, anyway, it was considerably less than that.

Okay. And that's not an insult to the fine young listener that offered to me. I just, you know, I've got other, like you said, I've got other stuff to do. I don't have time. So. It was $999. Yeah, and I won't budge. Absolutely not.

I will not budge. So then I thought, because the figure was considerably less than that. Okay. I went, no, look, I'm not going to do it. But you obviously listen to the show. I can get a friend to the show, depending on the budget. And if the budget is this, you could probably get Nick Capper. So you're in management now.

Yeah. Did you take a cut? Oh, no. I should be. Yeah. I have to do this fucking shit all the time. I should take a cut. But anyway, I thought, you know, I always think, you know, these guys, you know, Capper

can do with some money. Yep. I'll get him. He was already doing a year at my basement comedy club that night. So I was like, you know what? Get him on mine early. Gets a paid gig there. Drives out to do this other gig.

Easy. Do you not want to say how far out it was? I think it was like 45 an hour. Okay. Maybe. So anyway, that's the setup. We agree. The listener goes, yeah.

Oh, okay. Could we get Kappa for that? Okay. He then does go, could we get someone else on top of that? Oh, very nice. I was like, mate, no. Shrewd business by this guy. I love it.

I was like, mate, to be honest, you haven't paid that much. You can't get too, but you're lucky to get Kappa. And here's you, the Ari Gold of the situation, just firing up at this guy. What do you think this is? Mate, I pumped it up by 50 bucks. His initial offer was this and did you really 50 bucks oh very nice okay um so then it's like okay you know in the end he's like okay i'm happy yep great all right thanks for your help and everything and i'm like great and i've hit up cap i'm like great you know he's happy to get another gig great everyone's happy great just very quickly. But then two hours later, I get hit up by the listener from the footy club.

Then he goes, fuck, I just heard the live Melbourne episode. Shouldn't have fucking agreed on Kappa so early. Great. Immediately trying to get his money back after hearing fucking Kappa's performance. But did you hear about how he went? I did from Kappa. Okay. Yeah, you're right.

I should hit up the listener. Yeah. Try him now. Do you have his thing handy? Hit me up on right i should hit up the listener yeah try him now do you have his do you have his detail do you have his thing handy hit me on my facebook try now see if we get a lot see if we get a response live okay over the course of doing this all right i shall um i'll write a message right now i'll say i'll say kappa says he killed how did he actually go? Just quickly, I missed from the very first part of the story, had someone pulled out or they just didn't have someone organised, like, what, a week out? Some YouTube people pulled out.

Very, very nice. Some YouTube comedians or something. Typical, typical bloody YouTube comedians, never honouring their commitments at footy clubs Yeah Well, to be fair, they probably looked at the pay on offer and went, fuck this I was going to say, that would be strange that they agreed to do it in the first place Yeah Alright, well hopefully we hear from this young man

Yeah, I've put the message out I do want to quickly say this about, listeners will know that this Talking Dumb Dumb, what we've said in the past is we very often, we very rarely record the normal part of the episode at the same time as the Talking Dumb Dumb. Yes. We never record them one on top of each other, that's for sure. Every now and then, but yeah, pretty rare. Well, not at the same time. Like, we're not recording both of them. Oh, of each other, that's for sure. Every now and then, but yeah, pretty rare. Well, not at the same time.

We're not recording both of them simultaneously. Yeah, that'd be two separate recorders, and while you're talking on the regular app, I'm leaning into the other mic and doing my bit of Talking Dumb Dumb. And then saying to the guest, keep it down, we're trying to record Talking Dumb Dumb. That's an interesting challenge. So we don't usually interesting challenge. Yeah.

Yep. So we don't usually do that. No. So we end up having to break it up and we basically, we don't even do it on the same day. We record one on one day, one on another day. So that's what we're doing now. Yep. So it's a little bit stupid.

We end up basically spending two nights a week doing this. Yes. When it could be all taken care of in one day. Anyway, so I've just rocked up now to your house, the masturbatory room. What happens usually is I text you and go, I'm out the front or I'm out the side door, and then you come down to this big sort of fence slash door,

hit the button, and then it very slowly slides sideways, and we both reveal each other. I love where this is going. Because just the setup to this, I was like, God, where is this going? This is some gotcha journalism that's about to be, but no. I think I'm about to have a good time with whatever happens here. Exactly. So I hit you up.

I say, I'm at the side door. Yep. I check the messages. It hasn't come up as read yet. But then I hear someone coming out the door, walking down the stairs. I'm like, oh, great. Comes down. Now, I go and lean my foot.

A lot of times we have a little bit of a funny reveal when we see each other. There's a bit of work going to it. Yeah, and there's often, it's like I get that little walk of the steps where I'm going down the stairs to the gate and I'm thinking, oh boy, what am I going to do today? You know, I have a little writer's session then at like sort of 10 seconds that it takes me to get down the stairs. And you must wonder what's he going to do? What's he got cooking as well? Yeah.

To be honest, I'm generally too stressed about my own part of it to sort of, you know. Yeah, sure. And a lot of, often the stuff that we do is real great. Yes. We can't repeat any of it again. Yes. Excellent work. That should be the podcast.

Yeah. Just us looking at each other through a door. It's some really good stuff. It is really good. Yeah. That should be the highlight of my week. There should be the normal episode, Talking Dumb Dumb, and Tommy and Carl, and the door. Door corner.

Door corner. Let's film door Corner one week. All right. And just put it in the Patreon group or something for the real fans. And we'll edit it together so we're each filming it from each angle. Oh, yeah. I like that. Yeah.

Yeah. So, all right. Split screen. Now, it would have been quite good. Door Corner would have been quite good today. Oh, really? Because what it is is me hitting you up, not seeing the red yet and going, oh, well, he's obviously just not clicked on it, but he knows what's going on.

Someone walking straight down the stairs. Great. Thank you. This must be him. Yes. Who else could this be? No one else lives up there that way. And me going, oh, what do I usually do?

I usually sit back from the door a little bit and do something silly or whatever it is. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to wedge myself into the corner of the door so as soon as the door opens by an inch, I look like fucking Jack Nicholson in The Shining with my head wedged through the crack going, here's Johnny. Yep.

And that was me coming down the stairs and I had a great time seeing it. Yes. What a great story. I wish we had recorded that story. That's great. So then the door opens by a crack. I wedge my head in.

I then go to look at Tommy Daslow, my friend who's very much opened the door just then. And it's not Tommy Daslow. It's a young Asian girl who screams at me instead. She screams? Yes. That's great. She goes, ah! And I go, oh!

You're there going, here's dumb cunt. And she goes, oh, and I go, oh, I'm sorry. I'm going to see a guy. And she goes, are you with Tommy? Very good stuff. You picked it. That's my neighbor who, when I first moved in here, she had a broken or sprained foot.

She was getting around in a moon boot on crutches that she got from falling off a scooter in Thailand. Oh, nice. Yeah. Would love that. It's a shame you didn't know that because you could have been like, I heard about, tell me about being in Thailand. Yeah.

Can I touch your foot? Well, I look forward to getting some questions from her next time I see her in the car park. Yeah. You know what? There is a security camera in that car park. I should ask if I could get that footage. Great. That would be a good watch, I reckon.

Just watching a girl scream. Nice. That's pretty good. Yeah, that's what's happened today. What else? Man, you've got to reveal some dates. Oh yeah, so we've got November the 16th, 2pm

we are doing our live podcast on the Gold Coast. Now just to confirm that is, we gave that info last week it has changed. Yeah, it has changed. So that date again is? November the 16th, Saturday November theth, 2 in the afternoon. Plenty of time to make it down from Brisbane and then back in the evening if you would like to do that. It has, it's selling really well already.

Oh, right. It'll be gone pretty quickly. It's a very small venue, as we said last week. So as you're listening to this, if you're wondering why you didn't know about this already and it's selling quickly already, is we put it in the Patreon member private Facebook group. So we gave them first dibs. Well, before that, we have the American Express card holders pre-sale. Right. Then the Patreons come after that.

Then we have the Officeworks card member pre-sale. Swipe and wipe. Yep. Love it. Yep. So that is on sale now. Yes, the great guests locked in for that. Pre-sale Swipe and wipe Yep Love it Yep So that is on sale now Yes Great guests locked in for that

That is Off the back of me Quote unquote winning A resort trip At the beautiful Courant Co. Resort Which sounds like hell on earth So what

How does this work Now we're going up there We're having our little Trip away together Yep First And then we're doing this show is that how it works um yeah it's up to you i think we have the place definitely we have to

have it first as he's doing the show and then not going back to talk about it yeah yeah uh we have yeah we have it for a few nights so yeah we could go up on the friday i think or the thursday yep yeah yeah sweet i mean i kind of want to spend as little time there as possible to be completely with you it sounds like fucking camp crusty yeah i know brutal i know i know but we do and i'm i'm having to say to my wife going oh look i have to go on holiday in queensland i was like oh you're going i'm like i don't actually even want to do it yeah i don't i mean i was desperate to win this i don't want to do this yeah um this is the most begrudging holiday i've ever been on yeah i got an email from them today that's like uh you know as you were predicting no alcohol can be transported

on our ferry under any circumstances because there are you know the whole yeah do not bring your own alcohol wine and beer is for sale from our general store or any of the bars. Where was this thing? How is that legal? What are they saying that, like, how do they own an island that you're not allowed to bring alcohol onto? How does that work? Well, I don't know because you just explained how it works.

But how are you allowed to pick a bit of land and go, you're not allowed to bring alcohol? Is that actually legal? Well, if the whole island's the resort, then if the whole thing is classified as the resort, then the whole thing is a licensed property and you can't bring in your own staff. It is crazy when it's accommodation, though.

It's a fucking, it's a rort. But I guess technically speaking, you're probably, you're not allowed to do that with hotels, I don't think. Oh, really? I'd assume not if, but yeah, whatever. I don't know. Well, the next question is how are we going to get it in there?

Because we are going to do it. We should definitely do it. We are definitely going to do it. I like this. I like everything about this. Just sounds so fucked. This detail. Room type.

Boardwalk over water studio twin beds was requested but is subject to availability oh what great yeah so i just said today so we have it from the friday so the show is on the saturday okay yeah right so we go up friday we got friday morning yeah and we've got friday night to really live it up there. Yeah. And then go over on Saturday. Yeah. And then what, go back there on Saturday night?

Or what are we doing? Well, it's there until Monday, I think. But, I mean, once we've done the show. Yeah. I do not care about. Okay. I mean, the show is early enough that I wouldn't mind. Because this is the other thing.

With the way it's all panned out, with guests that are free and the Ecom being free and venues and everything, we're now doing this like three days before my exhibition opens. So I am not fussed about not seeing out the entire three nights on the Gold Coast right before I have a show that opens here. Or maybe we should go on the Thursday then or something. I don't know. We'll work it out.

It's a booked dinner. I mean, I could see if they can bump it back by a date. This is the other annoying thing about booking this in is that so I won this voucher to this resort, right? That was the prize. But as it turns out, it's not a voucher with them. And I didn't even know this was a type of business that existed. It's a third party company

That organise vouchers Like corporate vouchers for things So for me to book this in Was a chain where I had to get in touch with this company Who then has to contact the resort And then the resort has to get back to them With the date And then they have to relay the date back to me

So several links of a chain Of people who could not give less of a fuck about me going um i want a race yeah so i want my free hotel room yeah yeah so part of what took so long was just like days and days and days of just me emailing constantly going are these dates free and then them just going like oh we'll try and find out and then three days later them going yeah they're not answering the phone. They're not answering emails. Like, sounds great. Get into that VR room and fire up one of those computers.

Check your fucking emails. Yeah, get into that VR and look into a time in the future when any cunt checks their phone. But look, this show is going to be really good. We've got some great guests lined up for it. Exciting to be doing our first ever debut performance on the Gold Coast. Yes. We haven't been able to get up to Brisbane this year, so excited. A second time this year, which

we usually do. We promise all the best comedy that you can rely on when you think of the Gold Coast. Yep. The home of comedy in Australia. What if we try and get Warwick Capper to come down? I don't know if that's good.

I don't know. I mean, I think he's the sort of guy that would probably charge a lot of money and then be quite insane. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. Oh, yeah, this is his footy club. Yeah.

He's, like, too far distance. Yeah. It's like he's not going, oh, cool, this is, like, media or anything. He doesn't give a fuck. This would be like, you know, the story goes that he goes and does footy club gigs and then like puts on a copy of his pornographic movie that he filmed of himself having sex with a lady and then does a director's commentary of it. At what point does it cross over from being a sex tape to a porno?

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Because it's like i guess it's tempting to think that if you filmed it yourself but i then it's technically just a sex tape you can't call that a porno but you know if someone said hey check out my sex tape and it was like really like high quality film they they had cameras set up where they had multiple angles i guess i'd be tempted to go I guess that's technically a porno. It's weird to figure out what it's called when you go, like sex tape implies that generally it's a celebrity and it's been leaked.

But you could say that both of those things are not really true with Warwick Capper's case. He self-leaked. Yeah, he just filmed it and like no one wants it he just forces it upon people yeah so that's fucking that's pretty awesome yeah what if you had said yes to that gig that you ended up giving to kappa and that's what you did you just you just went down there and just started showing people a sex tape that you'd make while you're doing duck sandwich over the top of it yeah great um got an update uh will listener will

has uh hit me up from the footy club yep and i said kappa said he killed how did he actually go this is nick kappa now not warwick kappa yep nick kappa said he killed how did he actually go ha ha he actually did smash it he didn't try any tram gear gear which helped. Definitely. Great. Great. You are welcome. Cool. And you definitely got ripped off. Big time.

Okay, so yeah, that is happening Saturday, November the 16th. Get your tickets now. Yes, he still stinks, but he's pretty good at comedy. LittleDumbDumbClub.com is where you can find the link to that. And if you are in Melbourne, my exhibition is opening November the 20th at B-Side Gallery on Brunswick Street

in Fitzroy. It closes on December the 1st. Working pretty hard on that. Looking good. Feeling good about that. What else have we got? We've got the stand-up show in Hobart,

November the 23rd. It's a Saturday immediately before the live podcast that we're doing down there. We've got some great special guests lined up. The podcast is all sold out. There's still a few tickets left to the stand-up.

And, yeah, those are the only things. Oh, no, we also will have the 500th episode should be on sale soon. Very soon. It's all... But save the date, April the 26th, 2020. It's a Saturday night at the Athename Theatre. The big 500th episode

of The Little Dunlop Club live with special guests. So yes, tickets were still, you know, it's all got to be built through a big company and everything. So we're waiting for that to happen. But the date is locked in. Save the date. Look, here's a good way of thinking about it.

It's a week after the Comedy Festival in Melbourne. So it's on a big spare Saturday night. There's no competition or anything like that. It is going to be a massive blockbuster night with heaps of great surprises. We're going to pull out all the bells and whistles. Yep. And it's a long weekend that weekend as well. So maybe that helps you in some way if you're from interstate.

Definitely be worth coming down for that. Also, you can support the show on Patreon if that is something that you feel like doing. It's very much appreciated by us, all the people who chip in. And we, of course, send out rewards every month. We send out a bonus magazine that we slave over every month. We also send out an extra bonus episode of the show, which recently have been us going out and doing little activities. So we did a little restaurant crawl down Victoria Street in Melbourne. We hunted out the best pie in Victoria in the Cotton Bakery.

And we just recorded the one for next month, which was us going to the Royal Melbourne Show with Ben Russell and Greg Larson. We did heaps of great stuff. We ate heaps of food. We went in a haunted house. Yeah, really fun day. Really funny stuff out there with those guys. And with that thing, you need to join up in advance. It's not a thing where you can

decide once it comes out to get it or whatever. So it's a cool thing where you join up in advance and then you get it when it comes out basically at the start of each month. Yep. So if you want to hear us at the show, you still have time to sign up and get that episode.

Yep. Lovely. But yes, we do give a shout out to people that subscribe and that is what we're about to do now via the unplanned title, Alternator. All the names are in there. They're about to spit some out once i hit this big red button uh for the first time this week this is exciting this isn't it um here we go

whack um it was quite a silent um hit of the button which i thought i better spell out that i've actually touched it but oh this was like a garfield comic yes the sound effect appeared above your head exactly exactly because it doesn't sound that impressive. But it's so smooth and so silent, this technology, that I thought I'd really better spell it out for people at home so they could get their money's worth. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Callum McKenzie. And he is from New Zealand.

So one of the rare New Zealand listeners of ours. What do you think about that? Does he mention in his subscription bio that he's from New Zealand? Or is that just in brackets? It is. .co.nz on his email address. I just happen to remember it because this, I mean, as we all know, this is absolute random

the way that these names get spit out. Yeah. But in this insane coincidence, a couple of days ago, I seem to recall this guy hitting me up going, what's going on? I've been subscribing for fucking ages and you haven't read my name out. And then it's just randomly been spat out. Yeah. It's funny how the world works sometimes, isn't it?

You're leading with New Zealand. That's the most interesting thing about this. Who cares that this guy came from New Zealand when a truly breathtaking coincidence like this has transpired? Well, I find it all. I find everything equally interesting. Everything in the world is interesting to me. So I'm surprised they didn't just bring up the fact that Callum ends with an M.

I find that just as interesting as Restless facts. I mean, what are the odds? That's a 1 in 26 chance. Yeah, yeah. That is pretty narrow odds. Yeah. So Callum McKenzie from New Zealand. Callum McKenzie.

No, that's good. Good stuff, eh? That's very funny. That's comedy. Yeah. That's officially comedy. Yeah. I think you're officially a comedian now.

It's got the blue tick. Yeah, yeah. That's verified comedy right there. Verified comedy. I like the name Callum. Oh, yeah. That's verified comedy right there. Verified comedy. I like the name Callum. Oh, you do? Yeah, I don't mind it. I don't mind it.

I... Well, even though I know one good Callum and one not so good Callum. Oh, really? And one of those Callums listens to this.

Which one? And he's never going to know. He's never going to know which one he is. So by listening to this, I reckon the odds are that makes him a bad one. So, you know, it's not like, because I was thinking maybe I just like that name because of the Callum that I know and like. But then I was like, oh, hang on, there's also Callum that I'm not mad about. Right.

So it's really, that just resets the name Callum as neutral in my eyes. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? So my like of it is purely based on the aesthetics. The name Callum is having to fight for itself.

Right. There's no biases here. Right. He's from New Zealand, which, you know, I've never been to New Zealand. I really want to go to New Zealand. Have you ever been?

No. Right. I've never been. I feel like we've really dabbled with just a very loose idea of us going to New Zealand and doing a show. We've talked about it on this before. Yeah. I really feel like it's not a viable option.

I really don't feel like it is. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I wouldn't have thought Tasmania was a viable option and that sold really quickly. I don't know. I wouldn't have thought Tasmania was a viable option and that sold really quickly. I don't know. Yeah, but I feel like getting guests to New Zealand, there's not a great chance.

Well, they have comedy festivals. I don't think they do anymore. I think that's the thing. I think it went ass up. Did it really? I think so. I didn't know that at all. Yeah, so we were dabbling with the idea when there was people going to it

but you know friends of ours did those those festivals and came back and were telling me yeah that was cool went over there

and played to fucking no one and then I think it went ass up interesting so if especially you know some decent profile comedians

were going over and doing shows and getting no one there and I was like this sounds no good so I don't know it doesn't sound it doesn't sound great were going over and doing shows and getting no one there. And I was like, this sounds no good. So, I don't know.

It doesn't sound great. Because, yeah, to make it viable for us, like, okay, we go to New Zealand. We get, you know, between 50 and 100 maybe. Who knows? Yep. But we sort of really need to have guests there already. And I guess people go, oh, well, there's comedians in New Zealand. To which I which i go yeah but i don't know who they are and i don't fucking care yeah yeah it would just i mean who knows maybe it's just a matter of like uh you know looking ahead and maybe maybe the

stars align one day where you know friend of the show guy montgomery happens to be home that's an easy one someone we know is over there there's like a TV show that people often go over there and do. Maybe someone's over there doing a tour themselves. I don't know. Maybe it could, but... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like you said, the stars have to align.

And I don't know. It's also hard to know that those three things would all be happening with the lead time that we would need to put a gig on sale. Yeah. Without just asking literally everyone we know, hey, tell us if you've ever got plans to be in New Zealand. Yeah. But I would, I mean, yeah, I've wanted to go for a little while and it's definitely,

you know, it's kind of, I don't know. I mean, I would love a show to happen. I would love us to do something there just because I really would like to go there. Yeah. It's a good show to happen. I would love us to do something there just because I really would like to go there. Yeah. It's a good reason to go. Exactly. For whatever reason, if I'm going to sit and think about somewhere that I'm going just for pleasure, New Zealand is probably going to lose out to other places.

Yeah. Even though I do really want to go there. Yeah. Because in my head, it's like, well, probably at some stage we will go do something there. So, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Same with me in Thailand.

I was like, well, I wouldn't really, I don't really want to go there. But then, you know, because people demanded, you know, this podcast festival happen, I'm like, okay, well, I guess I can go there. So that's what happened three times. Thanks, Callum. Thanks, Callum, brackets NZ. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Verity Shepardson. What a name.

God. Shepardson. She's lived quite a life. There's a little bit, there's just a bit too much on that surname. There's a lot going on everywhere. Verity I like. There's a lot of fucking sauce on this name. There's a lot of sauce on this name.

Verity, I like the name Verity. I had a friend in high school called Verity. Really? I've never met a Verity. Love it. Shepardson. Yeah, that's too much. Verity, I'm starting to go,

God, this is a name I could have given my daughter instead of Blanket. But having said that, I would absolutely almost guarantee that Don't Say Her Name would have gone, absolutely not. I hate that name. Really? Yeah. What makes you think that?

Just a hunch? Just in my waters. I've just got a feeling that that's not a name. Anything that's – basically anything that I like, she hates it. Oh, right. Okay. Well, do what you did. Text her now and say, if I had wanted to call our kid Verity, would you have vetoed it?

All right. I'll text her right now. I'll say, out of 10, how do you rate Verity as a girl's name? That's not quite the same question, though. Why? What should I say? I'll say... I guess it is essentially the same thing.

I was wanting to get... Because your hunch was if you'd suggested that as a name for your kid, she would have said no. Well, I think that's... That's the same. You know, if she comes back and says one out of ten, that's your answer. I would say that's a no. You could go, but for our kid, I'd make an exception.

Anyway, yeah, that's fine. I'll say as a secondary question, if I'd suggested it, yes, no, or maybe. Okay. Boy. So she's got to give a number ranking, and then she's got to do a yes, no, maybe. This is like she's back at school. Yeah. This is like she's doing an exam.

This is like, are you a robot? Click on the squares that have a crosswalk on them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Wow. I can't wait to get to the bottom of that. I'll put that also, are you a robot? And also, what do you think of Shepardson?

Okay. All right. Four questions. See, Shepard, it comes out of nowhere because you sort of think, oh, Shepard, that's the surname. And then Shepardson, it's just this little kind of this weird little tail to it, this weird little coda. It just doesn't sit well with me. Right. It's not a name that I've never heard of that before.

It's not natural, is it? It's not natural at all. No. It's an unnatural name. It's incredibly unnatural. Yeah. Shepherdson. Yeah.

It's a bit too much on it. It's, yeah. Well, look, a theory I once heard was that surnames are based on, like, generations ago. What people used to do for a living used to be seen in their, you know, in their surnames. Crazy theory. Never heard it before. Yeah, well, that's why I'm bringing it up here for you to react to.

That's up there with, like, mole people and lizards controlling the government. Yes. mole people and lizards controlling the government. Yes. So, shepherd's son. People would say maybe that their parents had been a shepherd at some stage. No, well, her parents had been the son of a shepherd. Yeah.

Probably the dad, I'd say. Yeah. So, the male side of the family. So, there's no shepherd daughter. That's a shame. No. But that wouldn't survive very long in the married name, there's no Shepard Daughter. That's a shame. No. But that wouldn't survive very long in the married name, I guess, would it? Shepard Daughter.

That's the only way that this surname could be more clunky. That would be immediately eliminated once the girls take the married name of the husband. Shepard Daughter would have lasted one generation. Speaking of, I said before this name's got a little bit too much in it, a little bit too much sauce in it. It reminded me of something that happened today. Now, I went, first of all, a few months ago, I went to this burrito place that I really like,

and I saw that on the menu they had as extras. Hang on, is this my material? Yeah, there's an item on the menu. Under the extras, you could get Kewpie mayo in the burrito. I was like, that sounds great. I'm going to do that. Did it. Tasted delicious. So then I was back in there a couple weeks after this,

and I just got a different person serving me. I'm like, can I get the Kewpie mayo in that? And she's like, we can't do that. We don't do that. And then you're in that annoying thing where you're like, no, you can do it. Like someone did it for me the last time I was in here. And I get into this big back and forth where I just end up letting it go.

So anyway, this is like maybe four to five months ago that this happens. So I go in there today and I'm thinking, oh, it's been so long since that. I'm going to try it on again. And I go, hey, can I get this burrito but with the Kewpie mayo? And she just kind of looks at me and then there's this recognition. She goes, I reckon I've been through this with you before months ago so long ago so so long ago and i'm like yeah i know i know but the thing is and the reason i was arguing about at that time was because that it was on the menu like you did and she's like it'd have to be like we sell it

usually on the side as a ramekin so we can put it in there for's like it'd have to be like we sell it usually on the side as a ramekin so we can put it in there for you but it's going to be the full ramekin of it and i'm like that's fine give me the full ramekin so then i get it and i'm like eating it going this was absolutely too much she was correct to try and not let me do this this is fucking too much sauce yeah i feel sick and in many ways you you know, that lunch that I had, it's the Shepardson of lunches. It's just too much. Just that little bit on the end there

just really ruins it for everyone. Well, I've got a small update. This Will from the Footy Club has said, after the last message I sent, he says, cheers for teeing that up, Chando. And then has asked for someone else next to year for the very cheeky

similar price. For next year? Yeah, yeah. So a year out and he's not even adjusting for inflation. No. $30 won't be worth what it is now in 2020. But on top of that, when we did work out this deal, he did say, oh, thanks for setting this up.

Mate, send out an aware shirt, some of our merch, and I'll buy a shirt off you for teaming that up. I'm like, yep, no worries. So that's all happened. And he said, cheers for sending the shirt along with Kappa. I've had to wash it since he gave it to me, but looking forward to it drying so I can wear it. Okay. This guy's getting a little greedy. Going after too many Kappa stinking references.

I know Rich coming from us, but twice in the same interaction. That's a little too much as far as I'm concerned. And also, he's got him cheap. Yeah. He's gone out there and apparently killed. Yeah. I mean, there's a limit to how much you can bag our mates. I mean, there's no limit to how much we can bag our mates.

Totally, yeah. But other people. Yeah. You know. Yeah. It's like we can bag our family, but if someone comes along and says, your mum's fucked, it's like, I'm going to fucking kill you. Kappa stinking is our N-word.

We're allowed to use it as much as we want. But when you use it, it's a bit different. Yes. Also, just locking something in the diary for final season 2020. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, last thing on Verity Shepardson's details is, I've got all the stats in front of me, and what struck me about this is,

she subscribed to the show on Christmas Day. Wow. What a Christmas Day that you've given yourself a present like that. Yeah. Well, we need to know... A very different Christmas Day to what you'll be having this year. Yes. Verity's been signing up for Patreon,

whereas you're going to be absolutely deep inside a Honoluluian. Well, I mean, similar levels of disappointment for someone out there. Both of you making major deposits. Yeah. And it doesn't, strictly speaking, it doesn't have to be a Honoluluian. Yes, you're right. It could be someone from any corner of this beautiful globe.

I would say odds are absolutely against it being a native. But do I get double the money? Are you prepared to bump it up to 40 on your end? Absolutely. If it's a local? Absolutely. Great. Absolutely. Incredible. Absolutely.

Incredible. Yeah. I would love to know from Verity, was that a direct, was that her opening an envelope, a little money in there, thinking this has gone straight to the little dumbbell. Grandma's left the note taped inside the card. Exactly. Yeah. And she's gone I know two little fuckheads

That would appreciate this more than me Or you get given something That you hate And you're like I'm definitely taking back this tomorrow But why not get in quick Well she got money And she's re-gifted it

Going I fucking hate money I'm gonna get rid of this No she got a neutral bullet or something And she's like I already fucking got one of these I'm gonna exchange this I'm going to exchange this. I'm going to take this back, get the money, and put it to something that I do really want,

a Patreon subscription to the little Dumb Dumb Club. But why not get in early? I don't even know if you can do that. For cash. No, you can't do it for cash. Right. Can you re-gift a Patreon subscription? So they've just signed up for,

someone signed them up for Tofop, and then they've re-gifted that and gone, no, no, no. Those cunts are millionaires. Let's give it to the fucking downtrodden idiots over there at Dumb Dumb HQ. We'd happily accept that. Yeah, absolutely. Thanks, Verity.

Thanks, Verity. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Look, we've gotten away. We've had our fun. Now, let's get a bit of meat and potatoes. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Jack Egan. Doesn't get much simpler than that. It does not get much simpler than that at all. Simple Jack Egan.

Meat and potatoes there. Line and length. Four letters by four letters. Oh, yeah. Fuck, what's the word for it? The symmetrical name. Except not really, but sure. Well, in terms of length.

In terms of letters, sure. Jackie Egan. You know how Jack is like... I think Jack is like a name, obviously, but Jack... Whoa! Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got some colour and movement on this one. Don't worry.

I've got this one. But Jack originated or used to be or maybe still is a nickname for John. Did it really? Yeah. I didn't know that. I'm sure that's a thing. Okay. I'm going to look it up now.

I find that so weird when it's like it's a nickname. It's not short for John. It's not shorter than John. It's one letter. Yeah. It's basically the same. It's nearly the same name. And there's no examples of

that other examples of that are there where it's like the um yeah the nickname is just so wildly different to the name that it's shortening yeah you wouldn't have any like that well why is it a nickname when it's it's nearly the exact same thing it's not like saying oh it's different enough but it's like boring in the same way i guess although if it came down to it i'd rather be a jack than a john all right i have to say yes absolutely so wait so that means the popular folk musician jack johnson his name is john johnson well maybe like i said jack is now like you know these days people don't go, oh, well, you know, Jimmy's actually James,

so we have to call them James, and then later they can be called Jimmy. No, you can just call your kid Jimmy if you want. Yeah, yeah, people just dive straight into the abbreviation. Here we go. Why is Jack a nickname for John? It comes from the French name Jacques, which is the same name as John in English.

Ah, interesting. Okay. So that actually makes a lot of sense. Yeah. It's two idiots sitting here going, that's dumb. Oh, wait, hang on. That's the answer. And then there's a caption under it going, the answer above is totally incorrect.

Jacques is not related to John at all. The French form of the name John is Jean. Oh. Fuck. Okay. All right. Here we go. Respect to that first guy for trying it on, though.

Yeah. I'm just going to absolutely make something up and see how this goes down. Fuck. Okay. Before the 17th century or so, the most common diminutive endings for the Norman slash English in were the Norman slash English in or kin. Jack, for instance, was originally from the name Jackin, a corrupted form of Jenkin. And the name Hank is short for Henkin or Henkin or Henrykin.

Okay. Does that make sense? No, I don't get it at all. I just read that and I don't fucking understand it. My eyes glazed over as you were saying that. Yes, so did mine. don't fucking understand it. My eyes glazed over as you were saying that. Yes, so did mine. I'm very checked out. My mouth glazed over as I was saying it.

Jacques... Oh, God. Well, Jack does come from Jackin or Jackin from the German. Okay. Jackin. What the fuck? I don't understand any of this. I think we just got to put this in the one of life's great mysteries bin.

We're never going to know. And you know what? I'm fine with not knowing. How boring is life if you just, you know, you have to know the answers to everything? No. People are going to fucking hit us up and they're going to be mad at us. Oh, that's true. If they don't know the fucking answer.

Yeah. It's like we do the work now so then we don't have to wade through millions of messages during the week. Yeah. Um, God, fuck. Why is, Jock is the Scottish form of the name John. It's similarity to the common John derivative or nickname Jack is apparent. However, during medieval times, the name John was altered slightly in the Germanic tongues to Janken or Jacken.

Out of that, we get the nickname Jack. Okay. right. That makes more sense. That's, that, reading that out, that slightly made, that went into my brain. Yeah, totally. I agree. I'm happy with that. But it's also like, I don't know what we were expecting, because it's like, of course it

was going to be, oh yeah, at one point it sounded different, and then now it, you know. Like, what could have been the most interesting version of that explanation? Yeah, what makes more sense than that? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. All right.

Well, thanks, John. Yeah. Thanks. Thanks, John Egan. Yeah. Thanks, Johnny Egan. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Richard Wright. Ooh.

Hmm. Now, this sounds like alliteration, even though it's not. Richard Wright. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right. You're right. What about if you name, fuck, that would be interesting. What if you name, because it is Richard Wright, and Wright has got a W on the end.

Yeah, yeah. Right. What if you were Richard with a W at the start? That's good. That's pretty good, isn't it? I like that a lot. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. Text your wife about that. What if we have a son? Okay. Should we call him. Text your wife about that. What if we have a son? Okay. Should we call him W-Richard? Okay. What if we have a son?

And we call it W-Richard. What if we have a son? You got to name the daughter. Is that true? Yeah. Okay. I just went along with it. It's fine.

I'm happy with the name. Blanket's a nice name. Yep. Nice family name. Nice Italian name. Okay. I just went along with it. It's fine. I'm happy with the name. Blanket's a nice name. Yep. Nice family name. Nice Italian name. Yep. Can I... Can I pick...

Name him... Yep. Are you going to give... Richard. How does it look written? Are you going to need to explain it as in silent W at the start of right so it would still be... There's a lot to convey.

Yeah. Because if I just got that out of the blue, can I call it We're Richard? I don't think I'd immediately get that that was what you were going for, that it'll still be pronounced Richard. I've said, what if we have a son? You got to name the daughter. Can I name him Richard?

W-R-I-C-H-A-R-D. Yeah. And then spelt like that, silent W. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Yeah. And she still hasn't written back to the Verity one? Well, there's two pretty insane text messages.

Just back to back. To me, I've said this lately, but I do tend to keep the worlds of me being an absolute fucking idiot separate to my world with my wife. I like the idea that she's sitting there just drafting a response to this bizarre message about Verity that she just got. And then all of a sudden, just out of the blue, just another one hitting her in the face.

This Richard. There's so much to go through. Hang on. We've got the dancing dots. Red. I don't know. What? It just says, what the fuck?

Like actually spelt it out or just a WTF? WTF. That's great. You got your answer. There's more dots. There's more WTF. That's great. You got your answer. There's more dots. There's more dots dancing. Okay. Yep.

All right. Wow. There's a lot to... There's four... There's four very stupid questions there. So... Yeah, there's a lot.

I mean... No, there's five. She'll be typing for a while here. There's a lot to work through. Okay. There's a lot to process. Yep. All right.

Well, Richard, we're right. Out of 10, how do you rate Verity as a girl's name? If I'd suggest it, yes, no, or maybe for our daughter. Also, are you a robot? Also, what do you think of Shepardson as a surname? Next message, what if we have a son, you got to name the daughter, can I call him, were Richard, spelt like that, silent W. And then do another one now, are you a robot?

I love this. It's a Tuesday night. You're sitting at my house, prank calling your wife. Ask her if her fridge is running. As she's feeding our daughter. No, she's actually, it's probably bath time right now. Oh, yeah. God.

I'm going to be in a lot of trouble when I get home. Really? Oh, no. Do you think she... Do you think she... She knows that you're doing this on the way home? Yeah, I think so. Okay, right.

So, do you think she'd know immediately? Oh, this is for that stupid fucking podcast. Well, like I said, I try... The bane of my existence. I try and come off like a normal person when I'm with her. But then, every now and then, she'll,'ll like see stuff on the socials of that little dumb i'm going what the fuck's this what's this about the fuck are you doing why did you put a photo of yourself outside office work yeah yeah yeah all that stuff she doesn't know any of those stories so you don't

so uh interesting yeah right yeah oh no you what? I think I told her that one, and I don't usually tell her what goes on, what goes in the podcast. I think I told her that, and she just goes, don't tell me anything like this ever again. Oh, don't ask, don't tell. If anything like this happens, don't tell me. I like the way the army were in the good old days.

Were Richard. Yeah. Are the dots still going oh you're just getting a wtf and that's it yeah well the dots were going but maybe it's one of those things you know when like sometimes you it's like the water it's like you see all the ripples and then it all goes silent you go okay nothing and then the shark just goes and comes straight up i will say, the dots always do that to me. If it's like I'm talking to you, I'll get the dancing dots, and then a message will come up.

And then the dots keep dancing for a bit. But then that's it. You're not sending another message. There's just a bit of a cool-down period for the dots. You know, where they got used to kind of being there and being active. And it's like, oh, I sent one message. You'll send more. Oh, no, actually, he was done. Right, right, right. That active. And it's like, oh, I sent one message. You'll send more. Oh, no, actually, he was done.

Right, right, right. That happens to me with, like, everyone, with every chat window. There's always a bit of a cool-down period there. Right. But she's just out. I've got to say, I really respect that. It's too much. I think what the fuck sort of sums up.

It's a good answer to all of that, probably. I guess it's just a no to all of them. Yeah. Not a robot. Well. Not a Verity. Never heard of Shepardson. of that yeah i guess it's just a no to all of them yeah not a robot well no severity noted never heard of shepardson what the fuck isn't generally followed by yes of course i don't know i could i could have a what the fuck and then come around that's just crazy enough to work

that's kind of what that is it's like in a heist movie yeah but when they're when their proposition about being in the heist they're all like what the fuck but they all end up doing it yeah yeah but that's it that That's exactly right. Like the phrase, that's just crazy enough to work, only happens on a written page. It's not in real life. No one lives their life actually like that. That's so fucked in the head.

Let's absolutely do it. Yeah. I reckon you got greedy with, are you a robot? Yeah, I did. I did. You're right. All the rest of it You a Robot? Yeah, I did. I did. You're right. All the rest of it, pretty reasonable. Yeah, yeah.

Throwing the fucking Turing test at her is a bit much. Yeah, yeah. Sorry. I thought that was too much comedy. You need to keep it grounded in real life. That was just a comedy move. Yeah. You know, muggles aren't going to understand what you're on about with that one.

Yeah, you're right. with that one. Yeah. You're right. All right. Thanks, Richard. Thanks, Richard. Thanks, big dick. How cool. We didn't even say dick then until you ruined it at the end.

I'm sorry. Look, I'm a little bit worried. I better get home. I better get home after that. She might be. You come home, all your stuff is out on the front sidewalk. Yeah. I am a robot. A robot that fucking packs all your shit up and kicks you out.

All right, here we go. Let's do one more. One more. Let's just do one more. One more quick one. One more quick one. Yeah. Okay.

All right. Thank you to Patreon. Okay. What? No, it's just interesting. I don't think we've had... You had a look on your face that just said, what the fuck? It was a bit like that, wasn't it?

You know me well. We don't usually have something like this. This is actually unusual. Okay. Yeah, okay. We've got a bit to work with here. Wow. We don't usually...

Pressure's on. We don't usually have... You know, don't usually have You know like Richard Wright Okay Jack Egan Line and length Normal names This one A little bit different

Bit fruity A little bit different Interesting In more than one way Huh Doesn't sound like anything I've ever heard And also Generally line and length

You've got You've got a first name You've got a surname Classic Someone with one name Like your Madonna Like your Liberace Yeah name. Like your Madonna. Like your Liberace.

Yeah, right. Yeah. Like your Bradman. Yeah. Someone that's only got one name. Like your Steve Waugh. Yeah. You know, like that sort of example.

Okay. Someone only has one name here. Right. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. I may not be pronouncing this correctly. Just have a crack. There's no judgment from me. Wacomedy?

So I don't know if that's... Spell it out for me. W-C-O-M-E-D-Y. Okay. I think the W might possibly be silent. Okay. So look at it again and try saying it without the W. Okay.

No, wait. What the fuck's wrong with you? I've never seen a word like this before. I just said, just put your hand over the screen and cover the W. Maybe it'll look like a word you already know. Okay. Right. That's a good trick. It's something for the listeners to take away.

It's cute that you're actually doing it. Well, you told me to do it. Comedy. Comedy. Right. Oh, okay. So the W is silent. Right.

I've never seen comedy spelled like that before. Me neither. It's pretty progressive. Man, do you think I have, considering I just put my hand over a screen? Fuck, man. It's very interesting stuff. Well, thanks, Wacomedy. Wacomedy, if that is how you pronounce it.

Sorry, no offence. Sorry if we're pronouncing it wrong. Maybe the W isn't silent. Yeah, maybe it isn't. I mean, we've pronounced it a couple. We've hedged our bets, I think. Yeah. Maybe it isn't. I mean, we've pronounced it a couple, we've hedged our bets, I think.

Yeah. What country would you say that what comedy would be from? It's Polish, surely. Polish, yeah.

I'll go with that. I have no idea, but I'll just go with that. I'll go with that. All right, guys. Well, thanks very much for supporting

the podcast. We very much appreciate it. Get on to littledumbdumbclub.com and you can find the links of where to support us and get your bonus content every month. Hit up the Gold Coast tickets.

They will be gone very soon. Hit up the stand-up show in Hobart, us and special guests, before the live podcast that we're doing. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.