The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 471 - Live! Nick Cody, Brett Blake & Aaron Chen

Episode Date: October 15, 2019

We're back in Perth, the home of Dexy's, for another massive, sold-out live show! We've got a pregnant couple in the crowd plus we've been asked to settle a debt over social media. NICK CODY is dressed like a complete dickhead, BRETT BLAKE has some automobile advice for us and AARON CHEN has been soaking up the Perth nightlife. PLUS, Tommy's taken a trip to Esperance to make good on his promise of 'servicing' a bull, so we hear all about it in way too much detail!GOLD COAST! Our first ever live show up there. November 16, 2pm.HOBART! We're heading down for the first time for a live show in a small venue. November 23, 5pm.We've also added a stand-up show in the same venue at 3pm.MELBOURNE! Our 500th episode is on sale. It's going to be massive. April 25, 2020. 8:30pm. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dum Dum Club, a brand new episode live from Perth with guests Nick Cody, Brett Blake and Aaron Chen. First of all, we have a big announcement. We've been talking about this for a few weeks. The big live 500th episode of The Little Dum Dum Club happening in Melbourne, April the 25th, 2020. Tickets have gone on sale in the last few days and it is already, what is it, half full? As we speak, it is half full. Man, God, this is selling super quick. So this is in a proper grown-up theatre, which means allocated seating, which means the quicker you get in, the better seats you get. So get in.

Everyone else is getting in, so get in. Yep, littledumbdumbclub.com. Head over there for tickets. We'll chat to you a little bit more about that at the end of the episode. But until then, enjoy this great new episode. Live from Perth, Brett Blake, Nick Cody and Aaron Chan. Hey, hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us.

My name is Tommy Dasolo. Standing next to me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads. I am, man, great to be here in Parth, this is heaps of fun I am looking forward to how the rest of this show goes because the tech put the music on just as Daslo pulled his

pants down to take a piss backstage so let's see if we can really string this one out Bit went on me so that's good the second worst substance I've had on myself this week since getting to WA, but more about that later. We'll get into it later, but plenty of punters so far saying hi before the gig

and shaking my hand and being very interested in my grip strength, which is very unsettling, I have to say. Right, okay. So we'll explain it properly later. You've actually come over a few days early to provide content for the podcast. Yes, exactly. Are you going to claim tax on what you've done this week? Because you've actually spent quite a bit of money to fly to...

Where did you go? Esperance. Esperance, right. This is going to be very irritating for all our... This woman in the front row is able to see right, she's right in the, and she can't stop laughing, which is... You've got a hole in your pants. Yeah, there's a slight hole.

Is that where you were winging out of before? I mean, grow up, okay? If you're fucking stabbing the fabric back and forth that often, you're going to get some wear and tear. For sure, but it's just a very small hole. There's no comeback to that. Nothing more I can say. There's no comeback from a girl in the front row just laughing at your groin, really.

Staring straight up you and just chuckling away. Fucking brutal. Yeah, great. All right, we'll get into it. Staring straight up you And just chuckling away Fucking brutal Yeah Great Alright we'll get into You did literally Leave yourself wide open For that one

Now I'll be sitting like this For the rest of the performance Hope you're all happy With yourselves Great ad for people at home. It's worth coming to the live show just to look at Tommy's dick through his pants. Get a good look at my gash in my nice jeans. Speaking of which, a couple came up to me while you were doing your solo show before this started, Carl.

Hang on, people weren't listening? This guy came up to me. It's nice that someone else was talking that wasn't just screaming at me during my solo show. So that's cool. People felt comfortable in creating a bit of their own noise because it was very communal. It was like a drum circle in here.

Everyone was kind of getting involved in the vibe. It's a fucking cunt circle. People making up their own show mid-show. Very nice. Very nice. But yeah, this guy came up to me and he said, big fan of the pod, and then he introduced me to his partner and he said she's not aware, but I just wanted to say hey

and let you know that we may have to leave early because she's pregnant and due at any minute. And they decided to come here and just chance it. So are they still here? Are you guys still here? Right. Fuck yeah. I mean, so... I hope your wife is like

Tommy, you've got a little hole in her pants. So we have to... If she goes into labour during this podcast, I think the first name of the child has to be Comedy. Yeah. I think. It's fair.

Do you know if it's a boy or a girl? No, we don't know. You don't? That's inattentive. Oh, no. You don't know if the child is a boy or a girl? What did you think I was asking? The partner.

He's got a pregnant partner, but he hadn't asked whether it was a boy or a girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, now I'm straight with that. Great. Okay, great. Right, so you don't know. Right, okay, cool. Have you got names lined up?

A few, yes. Can you... Carl and Tommy are two. Okay. Carl and Tommy, right. But what if Carl and Tommy are two. Okay. Carl and Tommy, right. But what if it's a boy? Very nice. Slam dunk.

Pardon? Comedy. Comedy. It has to be fucking comedy. Have you got... Is there any... Like, maybe do they share names with, like, guests of the show? Is there any sort of link with this show at all?

Blake or Blanket. Blake or Blanket. Blake or Blanket. That'd be fucking cool. All right, all right. Do you mind saying your surname? Smith. Smith. Ooh.

Can we find out your real surname? Well, lovely to meet your wife, John. So you might go into labour during this podcast. Which podcast did you conceive it during? Okay. All right, yeah. We've got to get a signal if they have to race out of here. We'll get a progress report.

Yeah. I'll let you know. Yeah. Well, you'd think so. Yeah. If you guys leave, we've got the picture. But are you really seriously like that close? Yeah, pretty much, yeah.

Man, you are fucking irresponsible. I'm drunk too. You're drunk too. Great. Fuck, I love our listeners. Jesus Christ. And may I ask, is she drunk? No, we're that responsible.

All right. You're not really from Perth then. All right. No offence. So we might need to find another listener in the crowd that can drive you and your partner to the hospital. Oh. No, we'll be fine. What?

No, drive. We'll be fine. Who is literally driving home? How are you getting home? Man, good on you. You're making me feel like a fucking great parent. I mean, I'm here for three days for a podcast that takes one day. Wait, was that a water break?

Man, someone drops a glass and people yell taxi. They should have fucking yelled taxi for him. You're getting her to drive. Well, that makes sense. So in labour, driving you and her to the hospital to give birth is she really drunk can you fit behind the wheel or not i'm glad you got your priorities right okay bit rude to us out of a lady car how old are, alright, we'll get updates Speaking of all this kind of stuff, so we put out an episode during the week, we had the wonderful

Yumi Steins was on the podcast It seems to have been a pretty popular episode with people so far, she gave a lot of advice to the men listening so it's good to be back to our regularly scheduled programming, fellas we need to talk But her two main bits of advice that she gave out were,

in the bedroom, men, don't go straight for the pussy. That was her big piece of advice. And the other piece of advice was, men, share the mental load around the house, right, with your partner. And I have a few female friends who listen to the podcast every now and then. A bunch of them have listened to the episode

and heaps of them have been hitting me up going, oh, that was so great. Loved all the stuff that Yumi was saying. And I'll tell you what, I'm going to fucking make my boyfriend listen to this episode because there's some pointers in there that he needs to hear. This is like good friends of mine saying this to me and I'm just like, which pointers specifically

does your boyfriend need to focus on? The laundry or the growling you out before getting in there? It's a fucking weird position to be in. But I have had, I don't know if you've had this on the text line, I've had a couple of people hit me up directly a few female listeners going, love the Yumi episode, love the advice that she gave but just in my experience, that's

not how I like to fuck. And then just these like graphic essays about what they want in bed. I haven't got any of those messages. Right. What did they say? What sort of graphic things were they saying?

Some people, you know, the graph doesn't stop there. It keeps going if you get straight into the pussy, so to speak. How are they contacting you? Over Messenger, over Facebook. Right. Yeah. I haven't read to the end of any of them because I've often busted about two sentences in. Man, if you're going to send messages like that, do it to the group account so that everyone gets to see it.

All right, guys? It's actually quite selfish of you ladies to not share it between both of us. God. Well, we do when we, like we've got group accounts on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. I generally am in charge of most of it, I would say. You're in charge

of, you've got your duties, I've got mine. You're in charge of a bunch of them because you've never given me the passwords to them. You can have them if you want. Oh, cool. You've never asked. I've asked and you've said no. That's not true.

I haven't done that. It was ages ago, but I'd love to be in. Oh, for sure. Cool. See you guys. Yeah, I don't even fucking remember what they are, but anyway. Yeah, for sure. For sure.

I'm depressed, all caps. That's cool, man. Get in our Facebook group, that'll fucking kill. Sorry? All right. We're finished talking. No more chat unless it's about a baby currently being born in the middle of this gig.

Or unless you can be funny. So goodnight everyone. So I've got the password for the Instagram account so I get all the messages on Instagram. So this is a message I got a couple of weeks ago. It's just someone's, like, followed us, and so I generally give the polite follow back.

Okay, yep. And so someone's messaged and gone, hi, do you know, and then put a name down. And I've gone, and the name doesn't ring a bell. It's not a friend of the show, not a guest, not anything. I know. So it's a name that you've never heard before. Like, for example, off the top of my head, the surname Comedy.

No. Just a completely foreign name. Something that's never come up on the show before. Bizarre question. Anyway. Just pandering to the masses and getting nothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is brutal.

Yeah, yeah. We've just found all the people that don't listen to the masses and getting nothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is brutal. Yeah, yeah. We've just found all the people that don't listen to the back end of the show. Or who listen and hate it. So, message says, Hi, do you know this name? I reply, Don't fucking ring me.

Fuck. All right. My bad. Airplane mode. Right. and we're back right uh but thank you to 0412 063 607 go for it guys you can interrupt them now uh hi dina blah blah i said oh i'm not sure. Why? And they say, he follows your Instagram account, so I assume he listens to your podcast. He blocked me. Anyway, can you tell him that he needs to pay the gay escort he hired last week? Otherwise, I'll

report him. Thank you. So we get a lot of messages about, you know, like you said, about you loving the content of the show last week. And also, you know, now I feel like we're sort of some sort of, like, lawyer or insurance person that you see on TV, like advertising. You know, guys, if you've been fucked in the ass and not paid, bring the little dum-dum club. We're a debt collection.

Yeah. Anal debt collection. Anal debt collection, right. So are you trying to, do you want to give this person's name out so that to let... Do you think I should? Well, what, so he's got an outstanding debt with this gay escort that needs to be paid. Well, isn't that why you bring, you know, you're wanting to do this person

the favour and like put the... Is that really a favour? Well, he owes this person money. Gay escorts are people too, Carl. I don't think I insinuated they weren't but wouldn't that open up some sort of legal can of worms or something? Maybe they're here. You just read

someone's phone number out. No, maybe don't. But this person, if you're listening, if you're listening, this guy is out there and he will stop at nothing to find you. Well, I mean, he'll probably stop just beyond sending a message to a random Instagram. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But please, if you're listening and you have not paid for anal sex, please pay for it and let us know because you've blocked this escort so I can let him know that it's because of us. We want the brownie points, so to speak, off. Very nice. So, yeah, that was good.

So last week's advice was, you know, fellas, share the mental load around the house. This week's advice is, fellas, always pay for your anal sex, OK? Don't ever be trying to get that as a freebie. Yeah, don't be ironically such a tight arse. I would love to know how many other Instagram accounts got hit up by this gay escort. Yeah.

At Doggos Doing Things. Hi, you don't know me, but this guy follows you. At Adele. Yeah, I love the idea of this guy listening at home now. He's like, fuck, I knew it. There's an invoice I have to pay. You know what? If you're listening at home, you've got four weeks.

You've got four weeks to pay this debt or I'm naming you. All right? All right. Yeah. Yeah. So you hit up the escort and you say, hey, look, we've put the call out. We've done what we can. Let us know if you don't hear within four weeks.

We name this guy. We dox him live on the air. It's like if you don't pay your debt and there's no more, fucks to the ass for you. All right. That's it. That's your punishment. Is that the end of that bit?

I don't know where we go from there. Just a little voice. Yep. All right. All right. I'd love it if that person is in the room, just sheepishly. If you're sitting next to someone and they're on the ComBank app right now, I think you know what's going on.

They're doing a transaction. Maybe if the people up the back are standing up who can't quite sit down at the moment, maybe they're... LAUGHTER Maybe they're the main suspects, maybe. God, I hope that baby got born midway through that story. What a wonderful first thing to hear in the world. Yeah, we can rule him out, I guess.

We all good up the back? We all good? Yeah, we're all good, mate. We're all good. Yeah. Because there's a bit of an urban wives' tale about, you know, sometimes the pregnancy can be fast-forwarded by particularly graphic anal sex unpaid stories.

So we all good, though? You'll let me know? All right, great. I feel like the partner's just there going, fuck, I wish I'd made this cunt wear a dinger nine months ago. Jesus Christ. No, I think she's saying anal sex sounds pretty good at the moment. I'm not sure.

All right. All right. What a fun time we're having Is it guest time? Should we get our first guest down here? Folks, please welcome back into the Little Dum Dum Club, Nick Cody You are lucky we're in Perth where I don't know a heap of people

because otherwise I would fucking not let you on this stage dressed like this. What do you call what you're wearing? I believe it's a party suit, Carl. Is it? I don't know. Is that what it's called? For the listeners, it's a Hawaiian shirt and shorts combo,

the same pattern on both, and its powers in this costume, I believe, knocked 10% off of my hangover today. You put it on, I go, I can't be in the dumps. Quick spew, I'll be on my way. You must feel like you've just got out of bed. That does feel like pyjamas. Really?

Yeah, don't you think? It feels like summer pyjamas. Would you do jokes in it 10 years ago? Man, I wore worse than that. By the way, the woman in here who's pregnant, that's not even the most cooked pregnant story I've heard in Perth the last few days. Here on Friday night, there was a few stand-up shows.

I was on one of them. I said I became a dad recently and a lady yelled out, I'm pregnant! And I said, oh, awesome. Fucking great. How far along are you? And she goes, 24 weeks. Or 36.

Must be nice. It's fucking three months. She's a whole trimester off. You know who I blame? Daylight Savings. Fucking hell. Great. But yeah, Cody, you're looking festive.

Thanks, man. Thanks for dressing up for the pod. Something a bit different. Yeah. You know, I just wear fucking jeans and a plain T-shirt all the time. Yeah. Like a boring cunt. I thought I'd try this out.

And I'm a dad now. I'm just fucking going for it. I'm just dadding it up. I've still got Hotmail, I'm fucking good to go, I'm just dad, bro. Man, I never got to Hotmail, I'm fucking Yahoo. You're Yahoo? Jesus. Yeah. CarlChandler.geocities.com.

Man. All right. Absolutely. I'm still rocking meatball at AltaVista.com, thank you very much. Fuck, really? Those shorts are fucking painted on, by the way. You were in the bathroom out the back for so long, Absolutely I'm still rocking Meatball at AltaVista.com Thank you very much Fuck really Those shorts are Fucking painted on By the way

You were in the Bathroom out the Back for so long We were like Cody's doing his Shit in there You're like No it's a piss

It's just taken me So long to get The fucking shorts off Yeah I've got to pull These down to piss Like as you said Like a primary school

Student at a urinal Not that I know From personal experience Or anything Don't Don't know why That one came to my head so quickly. Some of us do deadlifts, man, whatever.

Now, uh... Thick boy. Do we get it? Have you got something? I asked you backstage, do I lead you into anything? You're like, I've got it from here, and then we've got dead air for ten seconds. One triple three five three, give us a call. What should we do with the climate change protesters?

Jaden, what do you reckon? Fucking run them over, cunt! Oh, great. Man. And what about you, Brayden? What a fun job I do every morning. That is, that is, I mean, I don't know whether this is boring or not to talk about, but fucking hell.

Like, you, so you do breakfast radio in Brisbane, and that's great. What a fucking solid job. And what's great, I'm doing it tomorrow morning, and with the sweet time difference, I get to wake up at 2am. So guys, if we could just keep Cody up for the rest of the night, just shout him as much grog as you can tonight, that would be awesome. It's a fucking weird job because in Brisbane, the fact that I vote Labor,

that makes me the biggest greenie they've ever seen. Yeah. Because they think greenies are like bunyips or something. Like they're not actually real. Right, right, right. I vote Labor and they're like, you fucking latte sipping cunt. Just let us keep our minds.

Right. And then I go home to Melbourne and I'm like, hey guys, I vote Labor and they're like, hit late you fucking right wing cunt. I'm like, oh, Jesus Christ. I'm just trying to have fun in the morning. No, I did want to tell you this. My son took his first

steps last week. Nice. A little man, Charlie. He was sick. Best part though, I'm rarely at home. I'm away a lot for work, and my wife's always looking after our son. And she was doing something, had her back turned. My son Charlie stood up, took a few steps towards me. I went,

Looch, looch, looch, looch! She turned around and he sat down. And she went, No. Did he just walk? And I said, no. Did he just walk? And I said, absolutely not. Fuck, it looked pretty close though. That's why I yelled out.

And then I picked him up and he took a few more steps. I was like, yes, we saw it together. Same time. Oh, man. Yeah, this week, apparently my daughter has said dad for the first time, like two days ago. No shit, really? Yeah, I wasn't there, but still.

I was here unnecessarily two days early, so, you know. But, yeah, for the first time said dad. She said mum one million times, but, yeah, this is the first time she said dad. Switch it up. Yeah. Nice work. Man, I got a scare last week. It was actually with Blakey and Milan and a few friends of mine at the UFC in Melbourne,

and we were out all day. The first fight was 9.30am. Milan and I got to a pub at 10 to 9am, and then I got home at midnight that night, aided purely by beers. that night. Aided purely by beers. My wife and son had gone to my in-laws' place because they knew I was going to have a big day and they knew I'd get home

bloody blind, so they left me alone. I got home midnight, the front door wide open to our house. And I'm like, fuck, we're getting robbed. And because I'd had 25 beers and seen 13 fights back to back, I'm up for fighting a stranger in the dark. I went room to room, zero dark 30 style down the hallway,

just boos where I come, boos, boos. I kicked two doors off hinges. Called my wife freaking out. She said, oh, fuck, I must have just forgotten to close the door. Great. No robber. That's not what I told the police. I said there was one in there.

And he kicked the doors off. Insurance. Great. Great stuff. All right, let's get our next guest out here. Folks, please welcome back into the little Dino Club, Brett Blake. Oh, yes.

Oh, no. Oh, my God. He's actually become a V8 supercar. Are we bombing? Does he think he needs to come out and jumpstart the podcast? So, people at home, Brett Blake has now walked out with a fucking car battery and jumper cables.

I'm fucking sick of the nerds and this fucking podcast. We are settling this for once and for all. Carl Chan, look at your fucking ass over here. I'm going to show you how to jumpstart a car theoretically. Anyway. Brett. Hey. Again for the listeners.

The black cable is the negative one think of One Nation's Australia policy alright let's go no it's

Blakey that's the negative one alright Carl the negative one which is the black cable connects to the

negative it's this little dash that's negative so if you just don't mind holding that in your hand for one second no hold the metal bit, please. Trust me.

Trust me. It's fine. It's not going to do anything, right? Carl, get on all fours and pretend to be the car. Just trust me. Fine. Hold that, right? And then, so the red line is you're active, right?

So the negative goes to the chassis. This is what controls all the power, Carl. Right? So this is how your car goes. If you don't mind putting that into your hand, your other hand, just really hold it. It's fine. Do you trust me, Carl?

No. Carl, get your hog out. I'm going to do it. Anyway, come on. It's the most action you've got in a while. Oh, God. Do you trust me? No.

Why would I trust you? Okay, we'll just... This is clearly to make... Just pick it up by the metal bit. Okay. No, no, no, don't do it with both hands. Oh, fuck. That hand.

Are you wearing rubber shoes, by the way? I forgot to ask that. Oh, my God. Are you wearing rubber shoes? By the way, Blakey came out holding a car battery wrapped in jumper cables and he just looked like a bogan transformer. Bogan transformer?

Cannot read or write. I'm getting roasted by a fucking tropical Cody. Shut your mouth, cunt. Now, just touch them together with both your bare hands. Carl, stop being such a bitch and get electrocuted for the sake of content. It's fine. I've deactivated it. Oh, no, I haven't.

Oh, no. Whoops. I actually took the acid out of that. Anyway. Jesus Christ. Oh, well, I've took the acid out of that. Anyway, um... Jesus Christ! Oh, well, I've learned my lesson now. Fucking hell. I actually... Oh, that was not meant to happen.

Oh, fuck! I spent all yesterday drilling the acid out of the bottle, as you can see. And I actually suffered third-degree burns. Anyway, um... Who would have thought? 17 beers and a drill. Anyway, um... Well, it was still active, so that's good to know. Anyway. More than needs the eyes.

By the way, the only reason I was... They thought you didn't touch them. The only reason I was egging you on to do that was because he told me ahead of time that he'd taken the acid out and nothing would happen. I thought I did. This will be funny. I must have...

Oh, yeah, there's four chambers of drilled... Anyway, yeah, that's one. So just a fun Saturday for you, Brady? Just fucking drilling the acid out of a battery. It was a bonding moment. Me and Dad were like, man, we'll take the acid out of the thing and then I put the drill on too much and then the drill slicked acid on my

leg and I was like, ah, burning! And then dad started laughing. And then for some reason, he threw bicarb soda on me, which acid plus base, he was so, plus water. Anyway, yeah, I went to school. See, teacher confirmed. Thank you. Yeah, he let it sit there for

five seconds, like, next time clean your room, you fuck! And then he went, did our. Thank you. Yeah, he let it sit there for five seconds. Like, next time, clean your room, you fuck. And then he went... ...to our house. Anyway. Hey, Brett, I was thinking about you the other day. I was driving around. I got a flat tyre and I had to call the RACV. Oh, my God.

And they take an hour to come out to where I am. It's almost like there's something in the back of your car that you can easily do yourself. And also, I love this because your old man... I went on a little day date with your old man recently. You did, yeah. It's like there's something in the back of your car that you can easily do yourself. And also, I love this because your old man, I went on a little day date with your old man recently. You did, yeah. We went to the aviation museum and then we checked out some cars later. And he has some firm words to say about you and your mechanical knowledge, which I enjoy. I'll bet he did.

Oh, yeah. So I'm waiting there for the RACV. It starts pissing with rain. I'm taking shelter under a tree. The rain gets more and more severe. I'm just getting soaked and I'm like, fuck, where can I go to take cover? It takes me that long to realise,

oh, I could just get into the car. So then I'm so off myself that I text Dad and I go, genuine question, did Mum smoke meth while she was pregnant with me? Dad writes back a minute later and goes, you've done something to the car, haven't you? He gets it. I love your whole thing.

When the RACV turned up, did they try and electrocute you like our friend just did? It's low voltage. It's 12 volt. Calm down. Voltage doesn't kill you. Ampage does. It's a learning podcast now.

It's like that other podcast with nerds. Yeah, science. Thank you. That's one. It's like that other podcast, science. Is there a podcast called science? That's a school subject. I graduated, baby. You're full of car tips.

Have you got any tips for me? I had a conversation with you this week Anyway Put a hose into the exhaust And then through your window Turn it on Got him Anyway

I had a conversation with you this week Oh So I received One of my many phone call updates from Carl Chandler throughout the week, which is normally related to someone who did something during a comedy gig or some open mic who's not a fan of. Yeah, yeah. It's our weekly Gilgoss.

Anyway. It really is. It's really good. So one of us gets bored, rings the other and goes, oh, what about this shit cunt? Oh, cool. Let's talk about this So one of us gets bored, rings the other and goes, oh, what about this shit cunt? Oh, cool. Let's talk about this. And then so we're halfway through a conversation

about one of the comedians who I hate more than life itself. Anyway, and then halfway through the conversation I hear, I've got to go, I've got to go. And then just bang, bang, bang. I was like, oh my fucking God. Is he just being hit by something? Is he dead? What's going on?

And then he's like. I chose to end the call as I was driving at the time and I saw some lights and sirens behind me. Oh, my God. Anyway, it was a good bitch... Wait, are you rinsing this comfort drink driving? Well, that is... Yes, that is still bad.

But, you know, it was a good bitch session about that open mic comedian it was well worth me absolutely losing my licence over it so oh you lost your licence

oh my god wait wait wait in all honesty you only had like one point left anyway no I had zero points so you had

no licence but you were back into this I was on the double or nothing thing where it's like don't oh shit don't do so now, don't... Oh, shit! Don't do... So now I don't even know how long I've lost it for.

And you're the dumbest motherfucker who's ever existed. The double or nothing, you can either not drive for three months, which you always do, and get back a full licence, or you can do double or nothing. Fuck, you're an idiot. It's your fault for answering the call. Yeah. You rang me! Yeah me that's what I said

when I can't do anything anymore when Blakey's fucking you up with maths you've done something real bad how am I in a world where I don't have my licence and fucking you do now you're a pea're a big dog.

You and your green peas, shut the fuck up. Your peas match your shirt. Anyway. Got him. So that's it. How long has it gone for? I don't know. It's literally like I haven't got the letter yet. I'm waiting for the letter in the mail and I'm checking

the mail every day because I don't want my wife to see it first. Oh yeah, like that old woman in Donnie Darko Because I literally haven't told her yet Great That she's going to be on the hook For just driving you everywhere Well, and also driving someone else Which is cool

My daughter Unless she wants to get on the tram with me Every day from now on Jesus Christ It's six months as well you lose your licence. I believe it's more than that. Not if you have a good lawyer. Oh, yeah.

Oh, no. Right. So, what can I do in this situation? Now, this is going to test your skills as a lawyer. Because what happened... All right, first, any pig dogs? Put your hand up. You've got to

say it legally. I've seen movies. Good start. I've seen movies. By the way, pig dogs means police. I believe that has to be mentioned as well. Pig is five of those. The fuzz. Figure it out. Alright, no police. Okay, right. No narcs in the room. What is your advice? I'll give you the situation. Okay, give me the situation.

Is there any way out of this? Of course there is. Are you smoking to me? You have to listen first. So I hang up the phone from you. I see the cops behind me. I go, maybe I've got away with this. And they're following me for like, I don't know why they're teasing me. I drive for three blocks.

I turn three times and they're still following me without. I'm pretty sure that's called. Are you escaping from that? No, no, no, no. I'm doing a hundred. Have you got two things now? No? No, no, no, no. I'm doing 100... Have you got two things now? No, no, no, no, no. I'm firing an Uzi out the back window. Throw meth bags out the window.

I did nothing. You're supposed to be the God. So they follow me for all these turns, but they didn't have the lights on or anything. So I'm thinking, well, maybe I got away with it. Maybe they're just coincidentally making the same turns I'm making. Never. So then eventually I think they're like, is this motherfucker this dumb?

They put the lights on and pull me over and then they come over and go I observe you drive talking on the phone. Well, what seemed to be a phone about five minutes ago. There's your first clue. Continue. Yeah. I said absolutely yes I was talking on the phone.

Did you say yes? Yes. Admission of guilt. You're a fucking idiot, man. Never speak to him. You don't have to say anything. What am I supposed to say? You don't say anything. You don't legally have to say anything.

So they pull over and I just can be absolutely silent. Silent. If they ask your name, your address, give you a driver's licence, you have to do that. That's the only legal requirement you're asked to do. Right. That's it. So if they ask and they pull you you go, what have you done?

No comment. It's literally, is my microphone even on? Have the cops broken in and taken over the tech desk? Did you guys fly Wendy over again? Fuck. Can we make the microphone, I know it's a big ask, but can we make the microphone work?

Do you blame the tech or the bloke that fucked up a car battery next to it? Add this to your testicles if you slag me off one more time. Number two, if they ask... They can only ask you, like, your name, address, all the normal questions. Don't ever speak about the phone. Like, don't even answer them. You don't have to answer them. I don't even own a phone.

Police aren't your friends. They're gathering evidence as you speak. Don't even answer him. You don't have to answer him. I don't even own a phone. Please aren't your friends. They're gathering evidence as you speak. Don't speak. Sir, what's your name? What phone, cunt? I don't even drive a car. What's your address? A house without any mobile phones in it,

buckhead. Just say nothing, brother. Alright, so let's say I absolutely confessed. Just pulled over. Please don't arrest me. I was speaking on the phone. To my daughter, Blanket.

I go, they go, were you talking on the phone back there? I was like, absolutely, yes. And they go, okay. Say yes. Yes. Oh, my God. I didn't know you were allowed to lie to the police.

You're not lying to them. You're just not saying anything. That's not a lie. Well, in three years, when I get my licence back, I'll use this advice. I love that, though. Them going, were you on the phone? And you going, my lips are sealed.

That's speaking. You failed once again. Shut up. So you're saying you just stare him in the eyes and you just say absolutely nothing. You just mute. No comment. Just the middle finger right in the grill.

Cop that, you dogs. Anyway. Oh, no, I spoke. Don't do that. You're going to get in a lot of trouble for that one. Oh, the one thing you can't get out of. Nice. All right, so is there any way out of me absolutely saying,

yes, I was on the phone back there. That is the phone underneath my leg that I'm very obviously trying to hide. Did they write anything down? Maybe. I don't know. I wasn't looking. They would have. If they were giving you a ticket there, I'd risk it to get the biscuit.

What does that mean? Risk it, but go to court. See does that mean risk it but go to court see what happens so if i go to court what do i say what do you say well in that case because you've already you already said that you've done something so they've written that down yep right so then you can't not plead guilty so what you do is you go into your your first initial healing which is to to say whether you're guilty or not guilty in this circumstance you've already said you're guilty, so you don't backtrack on that, otherwise you look like a liar. Right.

So say I'm guilty, but under the circumstance of. So then you've got to go to the judge, and if you don't mind, just lying to another human's face. Which is why I've got off all my tickets and you can't do fuck all about it because it's already happened,

you dumb cunts. Anyway. That's how Blakey gets out of it. They're like, what's your name, sir? He goes, Brett Blake. And they go, could you spell that for us? No! And that's not me

being rude. I physically cannot do that. There's some guy who's spelled R-E double T-B-L-A-K-E with like the worst fucking traffic infringement notices ever. I'm just giving them the wrong information. Is this any chance, is there any chance of me going to court and having you represent me? Oh, baby, I'm willing to roll that dice

because you're on the line. I'm like, he touched his kids, your honour. Anyway, yeah. Put him away for ten years. I'm not wrong. You hold your daughter, so it's nice. Didn't make it up. Version of the truth.

Blakey, do you think this would work as a defence? So you were saying, Carl, you were on the phone to Brett to bitch about an open mic-er. You go into court, you admit, you say, yes, I was on the phone, I was bitching about an open mic-er, but get a look at this guy. And then you've got a video and you show the judge some cunt bombing and maybe the judge has to go, yeah, this cunt looks cooked.

Yeah, I can understand the need to tell someone immediately. So that's just you in pyjamas. cunt looks cooked. I can understand the need to tell someone immediately. So that's just you in pyjamas. That's just you doing your duck sandwich gig here in front of a crowd that doesn't know you. It's a reference to last

night's gig. Anyway, it was for men's depression and let's just say there was a few suies after. I wasn't the one that they had to carry someone out after your gig. Yeah, I know. Someone had a heart attack. I killed twice.

Move on. They literally did. They carried someone out straight after your set. They were too horny. Anyway. I hope they're all right. Are they okay? You were there

good case closed yeah done thank you doc is there any chance of you representing me

yeah because I have no I'll do it fuck yes alright I reckon we can how good are you at lying it can't be any worse

than what I've got myself into at the moment the thing is the only thing is you may like if it's real bad and you'd like, you don't I mean, if you follow my tips to success. I'm more than happy for you to mould me into the perfect

Alright, I'm happy to take you through the process of what I do and I'm happy to take you to court. If you follow my guidance to a T, I guarantee you'll get a reduced sentence. Great. What about this? Let's make this interesting. If Chando doesn't win the case, if he doesn't get his licence back,

you, Brett, have to drive him everywhere for the time that he doesn't have his licence. No comment. Yeah. Well done. That's smart, Bretty. You just told us that. As I've always said, words are for nerds.

Don't speak, don't write, don't read. Look at me, killing it, killing it. You sound like a community TV ad for a lawyer that can't afford... Fuck yeah, I'll fucking do it, man. Can you actually... I'll roll the dice, bro. There's also a man that hasn't been paid for anal sex. Do you want to take on that case as well?

I'll do that pro bono. Oh, yeah. That deserves so much more. Even I'm shocked I got there. Fucking hell, beating it wordplay by a cunt who doesn't even know what they are. That's rough. I've seen Hamlet.

Calm down. That cunt who doesn't even know what they are. That's rough. I've seen Hamlet. Calm down. That cunt with the flute, yeah? Anyway, this commercial's apparently brought to you by Monster Energy Drink. Yeah. Never has a man been more appropriately dressed. Can we get a... We need to get a third guest out of here. Let's get our next guest out of here who's been waiting backstage for far too long?

Please welcome back, in the little dum-dum club, Aaron Chen! Yes. Wow. Chenny baby! Chenny baby! Fuck yeah. Hey, bros. I'm awake with the dum-dum club.

Mucking about. Ah, fuck. Did you just say say I'm awake with the dum-dum club? Yep. New t-shirt. Yeah, that's the hats we're selling. Awake. Nice. Thanks, Cheney Baby. Thanks for being on the

show. We're all over here in Perth, in Perth, Western Australia. You've been here for a couple of nights. I heard that you had a first for you last night. Don't know what you're talking about. You've been to Brack Lake School of no comment. Finally got one away, brother.

This is not a court of law. Anything you say here cannot be held against you. Last night I heard that you went into, I'm sure against your will, your first gentleman's club. Well, yeah, I... Just because Perth has lockout laws and... This is a good defence. We should work together, bro. Great minds.

Do you want to speak for your new client right now? He's got glasses. The judge will think he's smart. You're on the team. Well, yeah, they got good food there and... No. Dude, what are you eating? That's illegal.

Yeah, how much do you pay for that? Let's just say it was fishy, yeah? I was just mugging, sorry. I don't know. Shitty baby. Oh, no. I've had half a vodka lemonade and I'm gone off queen. Vodka lemonade. Well, Brendan Maloney, the guy that runs this club,

he forced me to go to the strip club. He forced me to drink the drink. Did you enjoy it? It was a nice time? Yeah it was a good drink No it was fun they let me put money in their underwear which is like

get a wallet No one's come back this hard. First ten seconds, biggest bomb of my life. Wow. Wow. That is a bit antiquated to be using cash at the strip. It isn't. They should be using those, like... Or you've got to buy cash to give them...

Because you can't give them cash anymore. Right. Cashless society. Yeah. Oh, man. Hold on. Then didn't you just say you give them cash? You buy can't give them cash anymore. Cashless society. Yeah. Hold on. Then didn't you just say you give them cash? You buy the cash at the place and it's fake cash. So you buy stripper cash is what you're saying?

Stripper cash, yeah. Right, right. It's like Disney. You can only spend it. Exactly, Tommy. Yes. I think it's real strong right now. Have you got a lap dance from Minnie Mouse?

Stripper cash has gone real good. It's 1 to 0.8. Is it a new crypto? I bought like a thousand last night. Use it all, but... Oh, it's fun. So you had a good time? Would you go back?

Oh, yeah. I didn't want to be there. I heard you were there for two hours. Sounds like you're really forced to be there, brah. It sounds like the story I heard, but you were very tentative to start with. The group of you walked in and someone walked in and said, there's one of us has never been to the strippers before.

And they immediately go, isn't that one? Cheney, you've just been travelling around a fair bit. You went and did the Edinburgh Festival and you were telling us you came back via London and you spent some time with Ray Badron, who's a friend of the show. Very popular with people. Well, this will be a quick story. There's so many Ray Badron, who's a friend of the show, very popular with people. Well, this will be a quick story. There's so many Ray Badron stories. One time we were at a

fancy restaurant, celebrating, you know? Is this another strippers? They had good food. What did it taste like? It was actually lobster. Like a fish, kind of. We got there. But the lobster's in the story so imagine this

group of guys all around the table Tom Cashman, Sam Taunton, Tim Hewitt Sarenja Armana Imogen, all these people that no one here knows who they are you add a bit of flavour we're all sitting around Tom, he goes it's a real stuffy restaurant.

He goes, imagine if someone came up with a riff so hard that our table started laughing and then the rest of the table saw and heard the riff and they started laughing and it spread across all the restaurant. Right. And then Ray looks at him and goes, nah, man, that's impossible. How could you do a riff like that? How could you do a riff like that how could you do a riff like that

what would you do what would you do and then he picks up these empty lobster shells and goes earrings and our table starts cracking up like we laugh so hard and he's holding up the earrings like so confused

as to what riff would win and then other tables were looking at him with their lobsters as earrings and they start cracking up and everyone in this restaurant starts cracking up and he did it. The impossible. Wow, he's officially made randoms in a restaurant laugh more than listeners of The Little Dumb Dumbs. No, the secret to a Ray Badger story is

not having him tell it. How long would that have taken if he had told it and how many fucking tangents would we have gone on? I can't believe he did. Yeah, there would have been a 15 minute description of the fork that was in front of him. How he got there, the Uber ride.

Alright, hey, let's get to it. Look, we're in WA, this has been a long time coming. So, the Uber ride. All right, hey, let's get to it. Look, we're in WA. This has been a long time coming. So the pre-story is we had someone from WA sign up to our Patreon account and say to us that he was giving us money purely from the sale of sperm that came from his bull. And this is the start of the year. His bull called Juggernaut.

Oh, some fans. Shout out to Juggernaut. Some people know him here. Local bull done good. So we've been talking about this for a long time. Tommy then declared that when we come to Perth next, he was going to do the right thing by such a major contributor of the show and go and earn

our money so to speak yeah so yeah what happened was then what you we planned the trip to perth we locked in the dates we started selling tickets yep and then i hit the guy up i'm like hey we're all good we'll come meet juggernaut on this trip and he's like juggernaut's gone juggernaut's moved to another farm you can't come meet him there's no way of doing it. And I'm desperate. I'm like, can't we go? He's like, he's so far away and he's on my parents' farm and I'd be fine with it but I don't think my parents would be cool with you just coming into their backyard

and jacking off essentially their pet. Pretty fair I have to say. I'm with the parents on that one. Fucking farmers always sooking. Is that a moo or a boo? I don't know. Yeah. Farmers should be happy

that you're like assisting with the drought by providing some more liquid. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So.

Yeah, anyway, that's another no comment channel. Right, right. So. You couldn't jack off juggernaut. Couldn't jack off juggernaut but I felt like we'd put this out into the world that we were coming to on this trip and that was going to be part of it. And I felt bad, like I didn't want to not fulfil on that promise of me masturbating some kind of bull in some capacity. You do sound very desperate, that you couldn't jack off one bull that had an actual reason for it.

So now you're just jacking off any random bull that, like, walks in front of you. Yeah, I mean, I feel like I give off an air of desperation even before I started talking about the bull stuff. Right, right. So now you have somehow headhunted just a random bull. I talked about this on the pod, and then a guy, a listener hit me up and said, my friend does this in Esperance, right? He's a vet, he's a well-respected vet

in the area, so I'll put you in touch with him. So I hit up this guy and he's like, I'd love to take you around. Come to Esperance, I'll plan a full day for us and we'll get the job done. I'll help you fulfil this task. I try to get you

in contact with my cousin, because my cousin is... Bad to you. He's a bull. I try to get you in contact with my cousin because my cousin is, okay, I'll tell you. My cousin rescues... Is a bull. That would make sense. My cousin rescues...

I'll make you come, just like, attach these fucking pliers to you. My cousin rescues animals for, like, that's her thing. She works for the,

well, you know, animal, whatever the fuck it is, I don't know. But I was like, man, my mate Tommy's trying to find a bull

and this is for a podcast and he's trying to joke on the bull. And then she goes, just so you know, it's illegal and technically bestiality. I was like, very judgy from someone who smoked through three pregnancies. Anyway, shout out

to Rachel. Fuck you. Anyway, shout out to Rachel Fuck you Anyway I mean Very quickly, we all got up the back with the pregnancy Yep, great She's only taking tea patches, she's fine I had heard those legal details about it too, Blakey

What the fuck happened to no comment, you fucking idiot I'm not that quick So, now You've gone to Esper now, you've gone to Esperance. You've flown to Esperance at great expense. I go to Esperance at great personal expense. How many people have been to Esperance, by the way? Beautiful part of the world. It's an hour and a half Rex flight from Perth.

I hadn't ever caught Rex as an airline before. It's a plane of about eight of us flying in there. Just after we take off, the flight attendant comes down the aisle and goes, is anyone going to need a taxi when we get to Esperance? The plane of about eight of us flying in there. Just after we take off, the flight attendant comes down the aisle and goes, is anyone going to need a taxi when we get to Esperance? Because I'll have to get the captain to phone ahead to book one for you when we get there. On the flight? On the flight, yeah. So this is how much of a naive city boy I am.

He comes down and gets to me and I go, no, I'll be right, mate. I'll just get an Uber. He's like, no, no, no, I'm going to need to call you a fucking cab, right? He comes down the aisle to you mid-flight? Yeah. Who's fucking flying the plane? No, no, no. The flight attendant to relay back to the captain.

Right, okay. So then I get to Esperance and it's just like, there's like eight people on the flight. No one else around. You know, the airport is just like a shed. Walk out, there's just one taxi parked out the front. I'm like, oh, hey, mate. Yeah, I'm the taxi. He's like, did you phone ahead from the plane?

And I'm like, yeah. And he goes, I'm the taxi. He's like, did you phone ahead from the plane? And I'm like, yeah. And he goes, what's your name? And I go, Tommy. And he goes, what's your full name? And I go, Tommy Dassolo. And he's like, alright, off you go. Like, just how stressed is he about fucking people stealing my identity and like getting this cab that they shouldn't get? And how's that?

It's got a very meth-y vibe. You lost your licence for being on the phone in a car. Yeah. Your pilot has people 30,000 feet in the air. Send a fucking cab car. Surely that's way worse. Yeah. Smartest pilot ever.

There's no cops up there, baby. That is true. We got little bicycles and little wings now. He's just 10,000 feet in the air. Oh, this fucking open mic account. What a fucking arsehole. I'm going to ring that guy for quality banter. Well, yeah, so then when I left Esperance,

I book a cab from the hotel back to the airport, and it's the same cab driver that I had from the airport when I turned up. And I'm like, oh, hey, and he's the same cab driver that I had from the airport when I turned up. And I'm like, oh hey, and he's like you look familiar. Did I drive you around a few months ago or something? How many passengers have you had between yesterday and two days ago? Are you one of the 12 people in this town?

Yeah. Who I'm not related to. Meth really taking off in Esperance, I think. But so yeah, this guy I do a bit of research on him the night I get in there. I realise I've just been conversing with this guy over email. I haven't properly taken his name in. His name,

I look at the email, his name is Enoch Bergman. And I'm like, I am definitely getting fucking murdered by this cunt. That guy definitely got bullied in Esperance. This is a fucking fake name. There's no chance this is a real guy. I'm going, alright, which one of you fucking freaks out there

set this up? Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, right. So he comes and picks me up, 6am the next morning and then we drive out to a farm. 6am? Yeah. The early bird really does get the worm. Get the worm or anyway. So he comes and picks

me up and we're driving. We're just shooting the shit. He's telling me a bit about his life. Grew up in Colorado. Moved to Esperance when he was 22. And he goes, yeah, it was pretty hard to make friends when I first moved here and to kind of get my feet and everything. But then one day I was walking around.

The local radio station was doing an outside broadcast and they were doing a contest. And whoever drank the weirdest thing would win would win a TV I can't even imagine how loose Brekkie Radio and Esperance is So a guy's up from the crowd and drinks a fucking

thing of his own piss Hang on, hang on, hang on What's that secret taste? Hang on A guy drinks his own piss for What's that secret taste? Hang on. A guy drinks his own piss for the radio? Yeah, for the radio contest. Just for that? Yeah, to win a TV.

But couldn't he have just told them he did that? No, it had to be up in front of this crowd. This is an outside broadcast. This is like a live event. A bit like this. What do you think? They were just going to take his word for it, Gemma. So everyone in the crowd is like going,

well, this is the weirdest thing that anyone could drink. This guy must have won it. Enoch puts his hand up and goes, I can beat this. Gets up with a fucking vial of bull sperm that he had. Oh, Enoch. Scars that won himself a tell unit. Won himself a telly. At Sprint's town meeting. But technically, is drinking sperm weirder than drinking piss?

Well, the other thing is, is like there's probably a few. What are we? Is there? Also, just before we continue. I'm hearing a lot of guys say yes, but I'm not. What type of TV? You know, if it's like an OLED, you know, high end, you know? Yeah, this is like ages ago, so it's not even a flat screen. It's like the big, you know, the big back kind of thing.

Rear projection. Rear projection, yeah, yeah, yeah. But also what I love is like... Also, if anyone here hasn't paid for their rear projection... Also, what I love is Between piss Between drinking piss and drinking sperm Surely there's a few other steps I feel like he jumped way too far ahead

If he just had to beat piss Yeah but also what are they thinking with the composition Of what's the weirdest thing you've drunk What are you going to say diet coke You know someone's going to go extreme You know you're going to see someone drink piss sperm yeah right so that's not responsible fucking breakfast radio so the person who organized it as as enix up their sculling bull sperm is just like yes this is made off yeah exactly exactly that probably would diet coke would win if a man drank that in esperance i'd be like

that came from a male bull. That's tough. Ballsperm, the only way someone can top this is by drinking Fanta. Yuck! Well, this is essentially an outside broadcast. We've got a free awake hat to anyone who wants to drink the weirdest thing right now.

So then as we're driving along, we're talking more and more shit and he's telling me that he's married and I go, oh, cool. So, you know, how did you meet your wife? And he goes, oh, she saw me at the radio contest. So I'm sort of, like, loving this guy, but also I'm feeling like my chances of being murdered are just going through the roof. The wife is, like, sees him and goes,

you know what, if I don't put out, he can entertain himself, obviously. Oh, you didn't like breakfast in bed, did you, mate? You drank fucking bulgis. Beef thick shake. You'll eat whatever I cook for you. I can see your standards are pretty low. So we're talking... Yeah, me and him are talking shit.

We're talking about movies and stuff. And at one point he tells me that his favourite movie is Requiem for a Dream. Oh, my God. That's the saddest movie ever. Yeah, I go, weird story about Requiem for a Dream. I watched Requiem for a Dream on the day before I did... Oh, you're telling him you've got a weird story. Yeah, wrap your ears around this, mate.

I watched Requiem for a Dream the day before I did my first ever stand-up gig. And he goes, oh, that's cute. I watched it when I was iniem for a Dream the day before I did my first ever stand-up gig and he goes, oh that's cute, I watched it when I was in jail for a DUI. This can't in the back's future. Which so much How much alcohol is in Bullsperm by the way? Right, but that's what I love about it

is like, hey, you're in jail for drink driving, here's a film about the ills of heroin. And also being in jail, watching that and going, this is my fucking favourite movie. Did that give you an idea for your first open mic spot? A good closer? Arse to arse? Bit of arse to arse, yeah.

All right. It's a pretty grim scene. Yeah. So anyway, finally we get to this farm and first thing that happens, like we we pull up and we've driven for like two hours out of esperance and i'm thinking here we go we'll get down to business and he goes okay first things first uh part of what i've got to do today that you're going to observe is i have to do pregnancy testing on a bunch of cows and so i've got this um probe that

i put up the cow and i kind of am able to see through that it's like an ultrasound i'm able to see whether they're pregnant or not and And so I'll do that for a bit. I've got to get through about 100 of them. And then I'll give you the probe and I'll put the glove on you. And you can go in there and you can test one of them and see if they're pregnant. I'm like, hang on a second, pal. I came here to jack off a bull, okay? Not do this kind of sick shit like this, you fucking weirdo.

And I love this vet's like, I'm putting something in the cow's ass. It's an ultrasound. You go, it's the opposite of an ultrasound. The whole point is to avoid invasive techniques. Oh, yeah, right, right. To scan from the outside. So it's like the cows come through, he's monitoring them, and then there's a guy like on the other end of this gate,

and it's like if they're pregnant, they go through this one side of the gate. If they're not pregnant, they go through the other side. And again, I'm so naive. I'm like, so what happens to the ones that are on the other side? And he's like, they get taken away and probably end up at Rockpool. I'm like... They get taken away from the farm and go to live on a farm. So that would be nice.

Next time we're at Rockpool with Milan, it might be one that I've stared in the face. And up the pussy. Anyway. Sounds like your and Cheney's night were very similar. Yeah. What would you like, sir? Give me some of that frigid steak.

Never did any fucking. That's why it's here. I've really lost the crap. That's way better than what you gave us. That's good. That's good.'s good So then yeah It gets down the end of the line You guys are fucking tense

With this story by the way Yeah So then get down the end of the line Really edging on this Bullcum story Yeah Just everyone relax This is a fun story

Where Tommy Is a happy ending Literally At the end. All right, guys? Spoilers. So we go down the line, gets to near the very end, and I put the glove on, and I go, I ignore Yumi's advice from last week,

I go straight for the pussy. I'm just right in there, the bar has peaked, I'm fucking up to my shoulder. Really? You need to tweak the nipples, baby? What? I'm in there, I'm feeling a little fetus in there, I'm feeling a little my shoulders. Really? Yeah. I'm feeling... You need to tweak the nipples, baby. Why? I'm in there. I'm feeling a little fetus in there.

I'm feeling a little baby cow in there. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Got the glove right on. Kept the glove. We'll be selling that on the website for a hundred bucks if anyone's interested. Part of Dumb Dumb History.

Oh. And so I'm there... Did you really keep the glove? No. Fine. This is why I've told you... That poor calf....you're a fucking spade. That poor This is why I've told you to fucking speak. So I'm there, what, being manhandled by me?

Imagine you see a bit of light and you're like, what's out there? And it's just his head and hand. Fucking make me veal. Selfie time. Did it smell bad? No, I reckon it smelled good, brother. Because one time I was in India and I saw two cows having sex on the beach.

One of them wasn't a cow, by the way. It's allowed. But you could smell it for ten metres away, I reckon. You could smell cow sex from 10 metres away. I reckon it smelled like cum. You're saying that sex smells like cum. Also, I've been to India and I can assure you, it doesn't matter where you are in the country, anyway...

It's all grim. Open sewage, baby, what do you want to do? But Cheney didn't start 10 metres away from the cow's fucking, so I assume he's at the end of the beach going, nah. Nah. Yeah. Nah.

It's such a great visual of you talking about the beach while you're in this suit. I'm walking around the beach with a cum detector. No pat out. Ten metres. I'll text that to Edinburgh. It's like Chernobyl. That is fucking pretty cool.

India sounds cool. There's cows having sex on the beach. That sounds like a pretty open society. It's kind of sexy. Free love, baby. It's just the cow on the beach is fucking one. Yeah. Just one cow on the beach is cool, let alone

two cows banging. Oh yeah, I had my elbow up one, but seeing one on Sandy's cool, I guess. What's the fucking point? Thought I was going to die on that fucking Rex plane. No, who cares? Let's hear more about the cow nudist beach in India.

Real spiritual experience getting up and close with a cow. All right, so... So I'm up to my shoulder in this cow, and then Enoch is like, crazy to think, isn't it, that cows are pregnant. You know, this cow is only a year and a half old. A year and a half old, and it's already pregnant, and you're 33 and single. Just getting roasted while I'm fucking shoulder deep in another species. Yeah, you're like, hey, mate, I'm getting some action right now.

By a drink-driving criminal. Yeah, you've got, hey, mate, I'm getting some action right now. By a drink-driving criminal. Yeah. You've got a wife and you had to drink cum to do it, so I'll take... So anyway, then we move on to they bring in some bulls and then I'm like, here we go. This is finally, this is going to happen. Yeah, because that's sort of outside your jurisdiction. You didn't ask to be, you know, frigging around with this other stuff.

You were there to just jack a bull. Yeah. We didn't have a listener go, hey, I've sent you money, courtesy of a cow's moot. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So you're just doing this for fun? Well, I didn't want to be rude, you know?

Right. Yeah. You don't respect our culture. Can't go to someone's house for dinner and then they put something down and go, I don't eat that, actually. Right, right. So anyway, he goes, we'll bring the bulls out now.

And I'm thinking, I'm like, great, here we go. Finally, I'm going to get to jack the bull off. And then I find out. Great sentence. Finally. Licking your fingers. So then I find out. I'm at the line.

Fuck off, you cowards. Yeah, I didn't hear, oh, when he fucking tried to electrocute me before, but anyway. They're hoping for the best. Anyway, yeah. So I find out that the way that you get semen from a bull is that there's actually, and he's a bombshell, there's no hand-to-dick contact. What you do is... Boring.

You just mouth. Tommy, we need you to bend over in front of this bull. We need you to do some unpaid anal work. Yes. So, what you do is you get this machine that's called the electro-ejaculator.

Oh, man. Please tell me you bought it today. Because I've got a... Anyway, yeah. This sounds like the one machine is better than the unplanned title alternator. Sounds like this thing actually works. So it's basically this, like, big probe that you put up the arse of the bull. I like it like that.

It stimulates an erection and then the bull just starts coming and you just have to be there with the funnel to catch this bull. Hang on, so... A funnel, like at a party, like some dudes at the end chugging it or some shit? Yeah, prove it, prove it, yay! It goes up through their hat and then into their... Hang on, so then...

So they only come if you stick a tube in their arse. It's with a dude's G-spot. So you get... So yeah, it's like a... It's a thing. This guy imports them

from Denver. He imports this specific brand of electro-ejaculator that kind of... You put it up the arse and then it automatically kind of pulses. That was my idea! He imports it.

It's called adultshop.com. You know what I mean? $70. It's like a pulse and he was like, I had to get this in because the Australian ones are no good because you've got to like, the Australian ones you've got to like automatically do the pulsing yourself. It's like a chainsaw. Ah! Have you got your manual

or your automatic licence with the electro-ejaculator? Yeah, yeah. And this one's got the one that he imports it's got like different it's got like four different settings

so you can like pick the the type of pulse pulsating that you think Really? Then what did you choose? I just did what I was told. What are the options? I don don't know i think it's just like three four yeah just how quickly they haven't given them crazy nicknames or anything

right okay yeah so also the interesting thing about that is that it's like a little electromagnetic pulse that stimulates the you know that gives it an erection right and the way this technology got developed is like way way back they used to notice when they, and I never knew this, when they gave people the electric chair, people would get a fucking big old boner. They were getting zapped. And someone went there's something in this I reckon.

So there were a lot of people coming as they... Can you attest to this, Carl? Did you get a stiffy when the battery went off before? You were close enough. The reason why is crossing his legs. So anyway, I've got the... I put the fucking probe in, right? And I'm just going from...

It's got a fair bit of kickback, so I'm holding that. How easy does it go in? You've lubed it up like crazy? Yeah, it's lubed up and it's like... Spit on it. You spat on it. up like crazy or? Yeah, it's looped up. Spit on it.

You spat on it. Hey, always give a bull a courtesy, brah. Never go and dry. That's the aspirin's policy. Yeah, I gave it a bit of a warm up with the acoustic ejaculator. Brought out the electro model. Hey vegans, stop showing us photos of chickens

in a cage. Just play this story on YouTube. Fuck that. No more meat. Enoch's having a go at you for sucking off the Electro Ejaculator. He's like,

it needs more lubrication. No, no, I want to do this au natural, thanks. So yeah, I get that all set up and it's like, no, I want to do this au natural, thanks. So yeah, I get that all set up and it's like, yeah, it's like that long, I guess. It's like pretty long. So it goes all the way in, then it's pulsating

away and then I'm... And then I run around and then I'm on my knees where the cock is. What? I'm on my knees holding the funnel, getting ready to catch the spoof. Okay, so the funnel doesn't go over the...

No, it's like it's... Yeah, it's... It's just on the end. It's not attached to the penis or anything like that. No, so it's like a little... It's like I'm holding a funnel that's got like a test tube

at the end of it. Do they give you like safety glasses or something? Yeah. Well, um... Oh, please tell me you've got pink eye. So,

older bulls, when they get older, some bulls develop this thing in their cocks called corkscrewing, where the dick comes out all kind of, you know, like a corkscrew. So, you have to wait for the pre-cum to stop before the actual... How big is the pre-cum? Yeah, a few minutes. A few minutes? A few minutes. I don't know why David Attenborough has not brought up any of this.

Probably like a standard ad break on telly or something. Really? That's like when the opening act does too long. I'm giving the dick the light. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wrap it up. He's got sticky feet. Comedy turn.

So then So I You know I wait that out And then finally It's you know The consistent You wait out the pre-cum Yeah

What does the pre-cum look like? Like for Use your fucking imagination brother I know you're 40 And it doesn't work Still You know It's a lot more clear

And then you notice the What's the word? Viscosity Right You start to notice a bit more texture. I threw up in the toilets at OBH this afternoon.

Legit. And I might go back there for a second round. This story. Why'd you have to say viscosity? That word's already fucked in this context. No thanks. That's technically a Perth christening, throwing up the OBH. So I've got the funnel and then the cum starts happening.

I notice that change in texture. I'm like, here we go. Technical term, the cum starts happening. Is it like the coffee machine at 7-Eleven where you go, oh, now the milk bit. It's like water, water, water, water, milk. Here we go. All right, we're on. I forgot to put the cup in. Oh, I forgot to put the milk bit. It's like, water, water, water, water, milk. Here we go. All right, we're on.

I forgot to put the cup in. Oh, I forgot to put the cup in. Also, like, yeah, there's like a bunch of farmers there and as I'm there, like, catching it with the funnel, one of them just yells out, just use your mouth to catch it, mate. Fucking good shit, I reckon. Really good shit.

That's good. Oh, man, I wish you would have. That would have been so good. Just go, where do I hurt? Where do I go? Where do I spit it? Yeah, grabbing the funnel and going, thanks for this, and putting it on my head like a hat.

Just drink it going, where's my flood screen? Well, so because of the corkscrewing, I'm there with the funnel catching the semen, and because of the corkscrewing, there was a fair amount of splashback. Nice. Is it going like that, like a balloon you let go? Just...

There's, you know, a fair bit that didn't make it into the funnel, but you can probably notice there's a bit of my arm that's a bit smoother and younger looking than the rest of me. Bullparky. Well, you've really jumped ahead of the story there. You've earned that strip of cash today, Jenny.

So, yeah, I get the vial full of it. I get the little test tube, right? The little test tube? Just one? Don't they give you a bucket or something? Yeah. Yeah, a little test tube. Isn't there, like, fucking heaps of it?

Yeah. A fair bit. It's, like, pretty full. Okay. Yeah. So I get to the end of that and I'm like, great, I've done it. I've jacked off this bull. And then I'm like, you know, well, this bull officially now almost has to replace Juggernaut.

What's the name of the bull? Well, this is the thing because they don't have names. So I'm like, oh, this is a shame. But it's got a tag on its ear with a number. And I'm like, well, the number will have to do. Look at the number. 369. Nice.

Oh, yeah. And so I give the vial over to Enoch And I'm like great here we go So that's dinner for two So I presume the ball then jacked you off So I give him the vial And he's just like We don't really need to do anything with this And just like chucks it away

I'm like fuck man that could have been a few years worth of Patreon for us. It's just fucking Rex hunted the jizz. Just yippity yippity. Don't throw it back! But that logic, you know, you kiss the fish and put it back into the sea. That logic would be you kiss the sperm and throw it back up its dick? It's a very hard game. It's a steady hand.

So then I'm, yeah, so I'm like, all right, great, well, I did what I came here to do, mission accomplished, let's head back to Esperance, I guess. And Enoch's like, no, no, no, you've just done one. There's 12 here that need to be tested. So it was a big day for little Tommy Dasselot. It was a fucking bull khaki.

That's when the action happens. Did you do all 12? Yeah. Fuck yeah. Hey, can you make a calendar of all the different bull dicks? Oh yeah. Fuck, maybe I will. Corkscrew for May. Yeah.

So originally it was meant to be me coming to WA to service one bull. I serviced a fucking year's worth. Right. It was brutal. Did it all get chucked out? Yeah, it all just gets chucked out. Oh, man. Because a lot of it is they're just checking the bed.

That's such a shame because it'd be nice to think that you've assisted in a pregnancy in that way. Well, when everyone's backs were turned, I had a bit of a go. Oh, sure. Or you could have at least brought some home or something. Couldn't they have given you a doggy bag? But only you bring fruit to Victoria, you fucking idiot. Is that a banana?

No, it's just ball cum. Come through, sir. Next. You've got a sandwich. You're in jail, you dog. You could have got one of those snow globes that's just like full of spoon. A little Esperance. Yeah, a little sound of Esperance. Me in the middle. Yay!

So, yeah, that was it. Bull number 369, the new official bull sponsor of the Dum Dum Club. Great, great. Yeah. Yeah. Bulls sponsor of the Dum Dum Club. Right. Yeah. What an amazing thing to get an applause on.

Yeah. This time last year people were clapping me for getting my wife pregnant. This time they're clapping you for getting no one pregnant. Yeah. Yeah, I mean there's still baby batter involved in some way. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Two sides of the same coin I like to think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Man, in some way. Yeah, for sure. Two sides of the same coin, I like to

think. Man, your experience like you could take this on the road now. Do you think you could actually work doing this? Yeah, probably good. I know how it's all done now. Is there anyone here that actually needs the services of this particular skill set? Maybe I could deliver

that baby up the back. Yeah. And then, or if she's not giving in labour just yet, I could jack off the husband, I guess. What, sorry? Don't you see me? Can't you have lost the ability to speak? No. That fetus has better English than you right now.

Well, that's it. I don't know what more I meant to give from this story but yeah Did you start getting the hang of it as you came along?

Yeah it's fun Yeah? Yeah it was cool Sick right? Enjoyed it I might move I might move to Esperance Start a new life as a vet

Travelling around farm to farm But it is good because we do comedy and it's sort of at the end of the day you sort of go this is a bit of a useless job

it's good to go out there and actually do some hard work. Yeah, totally. I was getting cum. Jacking something up for 30 seconds, you fucking dorks. You've never had a job? Jesus Christ. Oh, I've done some work. Yeah, doing stand-up.

You do that at home seven times a day. Doing stand-up, I never help society, but now that I fling bull cum into a forest, I'm just helping people. One bullet at a time. There was a point where cum was splashing on my arm for the eighth time that day where I thought, I'm just like Louis Theroux. I really am. I'm an investigative journalist.

Do they make any noise when they cum? All right. Do they make any noise when they come? Alright No but like the thing that's the electro ejaculated it's in there kind of like pulsing away Does that make a sound? Jackpot

Ding ding ding ding This one's called the queen of the Nile When they come, they're like, sorry. Sheenie said about 18 words. They've all been good though. Yeah. Well.

I mean, I do technically have more stuff. I don't think I can follow that I think that's, is that it? Are people satisfied by that outcome? Are you as satisfied as the bulls? Yeah Well so if you happen to be driving through Country Esperance and you see a bull just smoking a cigarette

You'll know that was the one that I had my way with Oh no there's all this melted ice cream on the freeway. A truck must have rolled over. White ice cream. Fuck, what did it like, literally what did it cost you? They were pretty expensive flights, plus a con. What does it cost you to jack off a bull?

That's a good question. I reckon it was probably to jack off a bull? That's a good question. I reckon it was probably about... It's four figures, it's got to be. Probably not quite. I think it was... Yeah, just shy of four figures. Great. You have to explain that to the tax agent at some stage.

That's a problem for July, baby. I'll take a leaf out of Blakey's book. What are all these expenses about jacking off a bull? No comment. They say nothing and the taxman can't come for you. What's the taxman going to do? They audit you. There's my receipts.

There's a bucket of bull cum. There you go. You sort through that. All right, folks. Thanks very much for coming along. Let's give a big round of applause. Aaron Chen, Nick Cody, Brett Blake. Thanks

very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you next time. And they've done it again. That's fresh to my ears. What does that mean? Is that Latin? They've done it again.

Yeah. Does that sound like Latin to you? I don't know. I just haven't heard it before. So I thought immediately that's what my brain goes to. So anything you haven't heard before must be Latin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I say that several times a day. Every time I've heard a phrase that I've never heard before, I'm like, wow, people still

study Latin a lot. Yeah. For a dead language, it's getting a lot of traction in your day-to-day life. In my ears, in my brain, yes. No, so they is Latin for a collective of people. Oh, okay. What a tricky language. Yeah.

So done is what they use to say the... Who's they? The Latinese? Well, it could be anyone. Right. You know, they is just a group of people. So, it could be, like, say, two people. Okay. They could be two people. Yeah. Oh, that's interesting. Two and above,

I think. Right. Two plus. So, done... Numbers two and up. Right. The plus. So done. Numbers two and up. Right. The act of having performed a task. Right. Or an activity. Great. Or a job.

Man. I should have taken Latin. This is interesting. Yeah. Well, this is year seven, eight, and nine for me. It's all coming back. Right. Yeah. Right, right, right.

And then again is like you've performed something previously in the past. If you ever go to Latania, this is going to be very useful for you. Yeah, I'll be able to talk to all the podcasters over there. So, yeah, so basically it's a group of people having performed a task for at least the second time. Right. Okay. So, numbers of people two and up having performed something two and up times. Yeah.

Right. Okay. Yeah. That's fun. Does it make sense? This is fun. There's no, you know, it's a bit like, you know, there's no, it's a shame that there's no like snappy kind of direct way of saying it in English.

It must, yeah, it must lose something in the translation. But I guess I loosely understand. It's a bit like the Eskimos having all those words for snow. Right. You know? Right. This is just a few words for something. Right.

Right. More complicated than it needs to be. Right. But anyway, so try saying it again. You heard me say it. Try saying it in this alien tongue. God, okay. Forgive my Latin, but they've...

Yep. It... No, no. They've done... They've done... They've done... Yep. It...

It... So I didn't explain what it means. Right. No wonder I'm stuck. But you're so close now. The final word of the phrase. They've done it again. Very, very good, Kyle.

Wow. Very good. Ooh la la. I feel so exotic. Yeah, so cultured. Yeah, great. The language of love. Great.

I'm going to use this wherever I go. I'm going to use this every week on the show from now on. It's so fun. You know, that's a good way of you practicing this new language. Great. Okay. Nice. I can mark your pronunciation.

Great. They've done it again can mark your pronunciation. Great. They've done it again in Perth. Perth has done it again. The tech has done it again. All good stuff. Oh, really? Yeah. What's he fucking done?

Well, you were there. You heard the fucking microphone. Oh, does it sound like shit? It just cuts out a few times, but then it gets fixed. Can you hear him? That's Blakey. Can you hear him in the background or anything like that? You can.

Yeah. You can still hear him? That's Blakey. Can you hear him in the background or anything like that? You can, yeah. You can still hear him. Fucking hell. Yeah. Love a bit of, very rare for me, and I should have been classic me, very rare for me not to fucking just go crazy at it, but just the mic cutting out and looking up the back and seeing the tech just look at you. Oh, well, what are you going to do?

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, well, if only there was someone around that could fix this. Oh, wait, that's me. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, well, if only there was someone around that could fix this. Oh, wait, that's me. Yeah. Yeah, it was probably a bit bamboozled from the 45 minutes it took him to try and set up the projector, which then he didn't end up being able to do. Yeah.

That was good. Love a bit of, like, me saying to him expressly, like, going, like, you know, it's no good telling someone to suck eggs, but I literally said to him, man, if there's anything wrong, fucking just yell out. Come and do something about it. And then exactly that happening and seeing this cunt sit up there and just go, well, I am busy standing still,

so I can't rush up there and do anything. Looking forward to paying less of the fee, though, I guess. I guess that's how it works, isn't it? Well, I'm sure we'll find out. Is it? But anyway, speaking of which,. I guess that's how it works, isn't it? Well, I'm sure we'll find out. Is it? But anyway, speaking of which, what I did want to do was I wanted to have for the people in the room a little slideshow of my

trip to Esperance with the Bull. I do have a bunch of photos which I'll put in, I guess, the Patreon group as a little treat if anyone wants to see that. Maybe put all them in the Patreon, what is it, the little Dumb and Club millionaire group. Yeah.

And maybe put one out in the, for all the freebies, for all the absolute dirty scabs out there that give us not a scent, not a red scent. Yeah, I'll pick the most

boring one. I've got some of just the ground. Okay, great. Yeah, I've got some grass. Yeah, yeah. You can just have that. Right, okay.

Well, I'm interested. Yeah. Also, yeah, so we came back from this trip to Perth yesterday as we're recording this. I've just edited it before you got here. And so I'm fresh out of the edit bay, as you've turned up to my house.

Big shout out to guests on this show, Nick Cody and Brett Blake, for dropping a few R-bombs on the show that had to be edited out. See, this is my new policy. Yep. This is a product that we ultimately have to take responsibility for. It's tempting to go, these people said this word that is objectionable. It's on them. We can leave it in. But you and I both know that's how it works. That's not how it works. If it goes out, people take umbrage. We're the ones that have to hear about it. So you

want to take ownership over the product. fair enough to have to take on the workload of editing it out i'm fine with doing that but my new thing is i'll edit it out but i am gonna name and shame right okay that is what happened live in the room right but to be fair they did when we walked out we were like thanks for fucking saying all that stuff and they're like what that's all right that's all right and within five seconds actually that's not all right can you edit that out cool why didn't you have that translation In your fucking brain About 30 minutes ago?

Fucking hell Good stuff boys Anyway Thanks for doing the gig Fuckheads But yeah Thanks to everyone in Perth Who came out

Why can the mic have cut out Every time they said those words? Yeah We need to get like a Yeah Like some mics cut out If it's too loud Yep

They need the technology Of just like automatic censorship On the mic Yeah That's what we need Yeah But yeah to get like a yeah like some mics cut out if it's too loud yeah they need the technology of just like automatic censorship on the mic yeah that's what we need yeah um but yeah thanks to everyone who came out in perth great to see all you guys again sold out once again in perth good stuff great i am i'll say this i we we went via different via different sort of ideas, I guess, you went early to go out to get your pre-work done with the bull. Yep. To Esperance, you went out a few days early. Yep.

My plan was to come in on a Friday night. I mean, I guess I've talked about this on the show before. I'm living on standby flights. I do a lot of that. I can't remember what I've said and what I haven't. But anyway, I do a lot of standby flights, which the idea is you're on standby because you are somehow related to someone

who works in an industry where you can make that happen, which means you are officially, you don't have a ticket, but as long as the plane has room in it, you can squeeze in there. This sounds great. And pay a much cheaper fare. Sounds like there's no negatives to this whatsoever. Yeah, and the story is I got on the plane and it was great.

Yeah. And we did the podcast and then we came home again. Cool. Oh, there's a few other bits. Okay. So the fright, look, my fault and possibly the person who booked the flight's fault as well. Oh, this is rich. A bit of a judgment call wrong by everyone, I think, involved.

Okay. But we decided to, I decided to catch a flight at 8.30 on a Friday night. And that was the idea. Probably peak time to catch a flight, I would have thought. Okay. I'd agree with that. In the morning, it looked like the plane had plenty of room. And by nighttime, I got out there, got out to the airport

and went to print out my pass and didn't get a seat number. I went up and said, how come there isn't a seat number on this ticket? And they're like, because the plane's full. I'm like, okay, that's weird. Cool that it still lets you print the thing off. I know. Insane.

And I, you know, like, what's the ticket for? And they take your luggage and everything. So the luggage is gone. I've got a ticket. And they're like, yeah, there's no room on the plane. I know. Insane. And I, you know, like, what's the ticket for? And they take your luggage and everything. So the luggage is gone. I've got a ticket. And they're like, yeah, there's no room on the plane. I'm like, what does that mean? What happened? What does that mean?

Well, you know, you do have to find out what that means because why did they take my luggage then if it's full? And they go, well, there's four seats left. I'm like, okay, well, that's good. And they're like, yeah, but there's 12 people on standby and we order them in terms of, like like who we want to be on the plane and you are number 12. So I go, okay, well, I might as well go home then. And they're like, well, we've got your luggage now and you're not getting it back soon.

Oh, really? Yes. So you might as well. It should be. You know what I think would make you and everyone else who does the standby thing a little bit more, let's say, smart about the times that you're booking flights and a little less trigger happy with just going, I can fly whenever I want. I'm on standby. If when you're in that position, if you didn't get your luggage back, if you don't get on the plane, you'd be a little bit more sparing. You'd have to really fucking want it.

Look, I did drop the ball thinking, I didn't think about it at all. 8.30 on Friday night. Fucking hell. And it's interesting that it was plenty of room in the morning and just people being swept up in the Friday afternoon atmosphere. You know what? I might fucking go to Perth tonight. Man, I would love to be one of those people that just rock up to the airport

and just buy a ticket at the airport. Yeah, I've done it, but only because I've missed flights. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I go through they go and i go oh i might as well turn around and go home they go well we got your luggage and you're here you will find out in an hour i'm like how likely like it happens it absolutely happens i'm like oh okay well i've got nothing else to do so four seats out of 12 people though that's bad odds i know but they're just trying to prevent an incident. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're trying to prevent you going apeshit.

Yes. And I've got no other option. So I'm like – so I set my expectations to extremely low. I'm like, well, this will never happen. Yeah. I'll just go and I'll get some work done. I'll do whatever for an hour. Yeah, just hang out.

So I do that, hang out for an hour. Then you've got to go to the desk where they let you know. There's a heap of people just sitting there waiting all stressed out because they absolutely need to be there somewhere and they're really stressing out and I'm like

well I'm pretty sure I'm getting back on the Skybus pretty you know I've just come out on the Skybus the people that aren't from Melbourne or haven't been to Melbourne that's what you call the bus that goes from the city

to the airport because we are a city that doesn't have a fucking rail system out there which is one of the shittest things about Melbourne, I would say. And our airport is fucking miles away. Yeah, it's fucking ages away. And that's fair enough. But, mate, fucking let us get out there easier.

Yeah. Please. It's fucked. Anyway, Skybus. Yeah. So I've rocked in, got my return trip on the Skybus ticket, gone out there, having to wait for another extra hour straight from work. So this is all hours and hours into it.

So gets to the point where they come out and go, here's the Perth people, here's the Perth standby people. Oh, brutal. Starts reading the names out. Like the cast list of the school play. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Am I Romeo? Yeah.

Oh, unfortunately, you missed out on being a bush. So they read all the names out. Now get on the bus and go home. Yeah, they read all the names out. Now get on the bus and go home. Yeah, they read all the names out. How many names did they read out? Not five this week. They read out 11. Wow.

Standby list of 12. I am 12th. They read out 11. Wow. Guess the end. I'm the only person standing there. And then the guy just looks at me and goes, oh, God, are you the only person that missed out and i go well i'm the only person standing here so yeah yeah and he's like oh i feel really bad and i'm like can you do anything

about it he's like oh you can go and be you can go and wait at the at the gate and i'm like is that just gonna be make myself look even sadder and like it happens failure to board that we got a term for it like people do that like so you're telling me that that's a normal thing that people go check in get their luggage in and then fucking get lost in the airport and just don't go on and they're like yeah that happens i'm like really and they go yeah and then i remember i've done it yeah yeah yeah that's weird that's a weird you i don't know that'd be a weird position to be in if you did get on the plane in that manner. Yeah. You'd spend the whole flight going, fuck, what happened to this guy?

Yeah. Did something bad, you know, did they have a heart attack in the toilet or something? I hope someone did that with me when I did that about five years ago. Yeah, yeah, some lucky standby person got to hop on. I flew to Adelaide. I'm sure I've told it on the show before, but yeah, I flew to Adelaide. Well, I didn't fly to Adelaide. Who knows, it could have been a thing where maybe on that flight that you missed you were meant to be in a middle seat and then the people that were on either side of you that

would have had you in the middle of them maybe they're a guy and a girl maybe they hit it off yeah maybe they fell in love you know one of those weird butterflies wings things that you'll never know the outcome of and someone's life could have been changed in the better just by you not being around imagine that it was a flight to adelaide so maybe someone moved to adelaide that day and then got there and then became a fan of our show and then when we come over they absolutely didn't buy a ticket to our show yeah maybe it was that yeah um so i went to the i went to the The terminal Not the terminal What do you call it?

The gate Oh so you went to try and do it Yeah The last chance He's like go and do it Yeah you should go and do it I'll ring ahead and I'll tell them I'm like what are you going to tell them?

This is like the same thing That you did with your license This is double or nothing Yeah It's like I get on the plane Or I'm even more humiliated Than I was to begin with Yeah

So I get there And you know I'm looking at all the people getting on the plane. I'm going, this is absolutely not happening, surely. And the woman's like, oh, stick around, stick around. And then it was like, there's an extra bit. Like, everyone goes on. And then she goes, hang on a minute, hang on a minute.

And then just takes off and comes back like five minutes later. And then just comes back. And I'm like, so am I on? And she's like, oh, no. No, that was four or five minutes ago. Awesome. Nice. I wonder where your suitcase is during all this.

Yeah. Because if you end up getting on, so is it at the gate? Because if you're able to get on at the last minute, they must have to get it. They're not putting it on, but it must be nearby. It is a weird system that they must have it just hanging outside the the plane or something yeah on an emergency little on the ground yeah next to the plane yeah yeah just next to the tire yeah um just like wedged behind the tire to stop the plane from rolling backwards that's not bad yeah so uh i i go oh, what do I do with my luggage?

They're like, oh, yeah, you just go back to the luggage services desk when you get out of the airport again. That's annoying because you were just going to fly the next day. Yeah. It's annoying that you couldn't have gone just here. I tried. Did you really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I go to there and they go, oh, wait, all the luggage comes out of that bit there.

And I'm like, okay. And I sit there for a couple of minutes. And then like this, you know, the lights go on or whatever. The door opens. One bag comes out. Just one. There's mine. Yeah.

Okay. Big procession for my one fucking shit bag. Oh, is it? Wait, where's this? Is this at the actual baggage collection or is this like a separate bit? Baggage collection, like separate section, like next to it. Oh, okay. Where there's actually handlers and people that are in charge

of lost luggage and stuff like that. Yeah. So, I go, great, okay. What if they'd lost it?

Yeah. Fuck. Sorry, mate, we'll have to ship it out to you. Yeah, sorry. It's gone to Perth.

There was room. Someone's luggage didn't turn up. It failed to board someone else's luggage. Someone's suitcase had a panic attack. Yeah,

it was so lucky. There was only 12 spots left. There was only 11 spots left in's luggage. Someone's suitcase had a panic attack. Yeah, it was so lucky. There was only 12 spots left. There was only 11 spots left in the luggage and one bag didn't turn up. So it was so lucky it got on. So then I had to get back on the Skybus, went back. So I've spent like,

all up I've spent like five hours doing it. I get back to Southern Cross train station, get off the Skybus. Yep. As I walk out, you know, I'm thinking I have to go out and catch the first, first flight back. Okay, that's the trick. That's the thing I should have done to start with. You catch an early flight.

They're the flights that people aren't getting on. Because who wants to fucking catch a flight at 7 a.m. Saturday morning? Which means you have to get up. Who wants to? I have to get up at 5 a.m. to do it, right? So I go, you know what? I'm not going to want to do this in the morning. I'll buy myself a return trip on the Skybus now to save myself time in the morning.

So I go back in to the Skybus thing to buy myself a return ticket. I get the same person. I've bought a Skybus return ticket off like two hours before. Great. Walk in and just go, I'll have a return ticket to the airport and back. And she just looks at me and goes, did I sell you a return ticket two hours ago? Great. Or a couple of hours ago?

And I go, nah. And she just looks at me like, well, what do I do here? I'm not going to argue with someone. That's interesting though because I've been in that position before where I've, for whatever reason, yeah, back somewhere, very short space of time, and I've kind of lent in and thought, you know, what do you do? You've got to make a joke about this.

You've got to be funny. Going in and going, oh, hello, me again. But the times I've done that, the person behind the counter has absolutely forgotten me in the hour that's gone past, and they're like, cool. Yeah, right, right. But the times I've done that, the person behind the counter has absolutely forgotten me in the hour that's gone past. And they're like, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just thinking you're some fucking freak.

Yeah, yeah. So you can't win. No. No matter what you do. No. You just look like a fuckhead. Oh, yeah. And I'm broken at that stage as well.

Yeah. It's like, yep. So it's what? It's like, what, like 9pm or something at this stage? 9.30? This is like 9.30. Yep. Great.

After 9.30. Get home at 10.30. 9.30 in the city, so it's just like revelry off the charts. People out having a great time. Yeah. Knock off drinks. Next to people doing meth in the Hungry Jacks next door. People in the Pie Face are throwing sausage rolls at each other. Yep.

I'm buying multiple fucking bus tickets. Yep, yep. Great stuff. And also, like, you know know i'm doing all this to save money on flights yeah okay but now i'm buying extra fucking bus tickets and i've bought extra night accommodation yeah great stuff anyway worth worthwhile look fun times but fucking hell what a fucking i've got to fucking be smarter with this stuff i've got to be smarter with all forms of transport off the back of this episode, off this trip, I think.

Yeah, what's the... Are there any forms of transport that you haven't been particularly done by? I don't feel like I ever hear about you getting tram fines. I feel like you're pretty safe on the tram. I've had a few. Okay. Yeah, but, you know, I think everyone... I don't think there'd be anyone living in Melbourne that hasn't had a few.

I think that's a, you know... Yeah think everyone – I don't think there'd be anyone living in Melbourne that hasn't had a few. I think that's a – you know. Yeah. I'm pretty good. For some reason, I think I respect the tram more than other forms of – People's lives. Yeah, yeah. I think I respect the trams more than all the other forms of transport. I will say the tram is probably, in my memory of knowing you, the least – yeah, the least I've heard about you having issues with the form of transport.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I do. Heard plenty about the car. Heard plenty about flights. Yeah. Train, maybe? Oh, yeah. Train.

But purely just on stats of how often do you catch the train. Yeah, not often. Yeah. Trams are fucking... We've talked about this, but there's literally a tram that goes from my house, the front of my house, to the front of your house. Just a real, like we talk about my car, you know, the Gotham Mobile. Like that's the podcast vehicle. The tram.

That tram is the true. That number tram is. That tram is the lifeblood of this podcast. Yeah. And it's very close to being called the 69. I know. I've never caught that tram to your house actually haven't you yeah well because typically i come around and i'm we're

doing this and i've got all the gear with me so it's just easier to drive okay um it's so easy it's like having a chauffeur why don't you treat yourself i know maybe i should yeah absolutely i do like i do prefer though when we finish i like just getting in the car and let, you know, I don't want to be like waiting at the tram stop. I kind of just rather go. Because I often have, you know, there's plenty of times I'm going straight to the gym or whatever. Right. I don't want to fuck around waiting for it.

Well, look, I hope you find the time one day, soon. Maybe I will. Next time I have to come to yours, I'm going to, I'm going to treat myself. Yeah, treat yourself. Get a fucking fine for not having a ticket. Yeah. Just get on there. You don't have to worry about it you can start you know that's the other cool thing you can think about what you're gonna say on the episode it's a little bit more

planning rather than you know doing what i do and just getting on the phone and talking to people plenty of uh advice after this show the live show in perth plenty of people coming up how to get out of this well just just advice Just a lot of people with advice. Okay. So. How to handle yourself. I've forwarded all this information to my solicitor, B Blake. Has the fine come, has the ticket thing come in the mail yet?

What do you get? You get, it's a fine, isn't it? It's a fine and a. Yeah. But that comes in the form of like a notice in the post. yeah yeah yeah no i've been checking i've checked the mail well hopefully it didn't come today i haven't been home yet today but i have been trying to get to the mail first uh before when did this happen uh a week ago oh yeah and you got a couple of days where you know you're getting home yeah it's getting

home after your wife yeah yep i know any day now i know any day now i know much like that couple in the audience during the show yeah yeah any minute now and it's like and i already like yesterday when i got home she goes oh your credit new credit cards come in the mail oh la-di-da yeah and i'm like oh did it and i And I'm thinking, how do you know? And I get home and like, you know, she's just opened up this mail. And I'm like, oh, well, I can see how I'm going to hide this suspension from her. You just blow up at her. That's a felony what you're doing.

What do you think her response will be? Well, I know what it's going to be. Carl. Carl. Why? why did you do this we've got a baby now yep when are you gonna stop being like this yep all very unreasonable things to say in my opinion i have to say and i you know i've been done for being on the b i've been done for texting on my phone at the lights before yeah which is still under the under the category of just texting on my phone at the lights before, which is still under the category of just being on your phone in the car. But initiating a call, that's wild.

I'd never do that. I wouldn't pick up unless it was like I could pick up and then be on hands-free. You're a real hero, Tommy. Thanks, man. I really plan on basing my life on your behavior from now on in a couple of years. Fingers crossed next week, thanks to Brett Blake, master lawyer. So are you going to fight this thing? Are you going to go up to City Hall and try and take them on?

Absolutely. Wow. I mean, you know, you've gone and wanked off a bull. Take them on? Absolutely. Wow. I mean, you know, you've gone and wanked off a bull. It's only fair for me to go and humiliate myself in front of a judge for this podcast and for the ability to be able to drive around.

Yeah. Do you know, did you get, because we talk about it in the episode and there's not a clear answer of how long you lose it for? No. Well, I mean, there may be, Maybe people know, but I don't. Okay. But I heavily suspect it will be quite a while. Like someone suggested to me,

oh, yeah, you'll be off for six months. I'm like, I reckon I'll be off for longer than that. Brett says that on the app, that it's six months. I can't imagine it. Six months seems like not very long for losing all of your demerit points. Yeah. That doesn't seem like that long.

Especially not for the first time, so. Yeah, what is this? Is this three? No okay yeah second fuck yeah yeah yeah it's good isn't it is there a limit to how often you can lose your license is there but honestly i don't know is there a point where they go oh i guess we'll find out you are taking the piss yeah do they surely they'd have it like if you're if you're like five times in seven years lost all of your demerit points, they would have to start going. If you murder someone, get out of jail, murder someone again, surely they're going, well, we're not going to make the sentence lighter. Right. They're going to go, cunt, honestly, stop doing this.

Yeah. can't honestly stop doing this yeah what the only thing we can do to fucking try and make you not do this again is make the sentence longer to give you right to try and get through your thick murdering fucking brain yeah that killing people is not cool although i guess maybe the theory is if you're that fucked of a driver that you're constantly losing demerit points constantly losing your license they can cancel your license forever you're so fucked that you're probably still going to get behind the wheel anyway. Yeah, right. You have that little regard for the consequences of the laws. Should I bring that up in court?

It's like a guy going out with someone that the parents don't agree with. Just going, look, I i'm gonna do this anyway i just want the blessing of you judge yeah right right you could be behind this or you can be against this but it's gonna happen okay well i quite like what you were saying before like use that as an energy you just go in and your opener is your honor some people murder people i'm out there just taking a phone call come on taking a phone call initiating whatever initiating one well you know well who knows if i you know look i don't think that that's what happened it's it's you know it happened a long time ago who knows maybe it was um maybe it was oh i mean i'm starting to remember maybe it wasn't blakey

after all maybe it was my my mom and she'd fallen I can't remember now. I'm going to have to try and remember what had happened in that fateful day. I like the idea that you get in there, Blakey's representing you, and then you just hand him up. You're like, Your Honour, I got this text from a friend of mine, Brett. I just glanced down and it said, I have a gun to your child's head. I'm about to call you. If you do not pick up, I'm pulling the trigger. Now you ask me, what was I meant to do in that situation?

All right. Well, you know, all good things to take note of. Fuck, that would be good to hand him up though. Fuck. That's very funny. You somehow, you get off and the loss of license transfers over to him somehow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A landmark case.

Great. In the Victorian legal system. All right. Well, I've got a while to go. How long have we been chatting in talking dum-dum for? We've been gabbing away for about 25 minutes. Well, maybe do we talk about the 500th episode or maybe we can talk about that next week.

We can talk about it more next week, but let's quickly mention it again. Let's it little dumdum club.com for tickets april 25th 2020 the big 500th episode live at the athenaeum theater we have been talking about this for a bit it officially went on sale about five days ago or whatever it was and uh already half full selling like absolute gangbusters crazy do not delay faster selling i mean yeah look crazy selling thing it's it's the only sold more now than than our last than our biggest show basically sort of it's close it's close to being our biggest show already awesome um so get onto that like i said it's allocated seating so the quicker you get in, the better seats you get.

Yep. Lots of people who are messaging us that are saying, never been to a live show before. Wow. So this is the one we're going to. Finally. Yeah. This is all we had to do was spend thousands on a theatre.

Yeah. All you had to do was chuck all that money at us and it doesn't even go to us. It goes to the fucking theatre. But awesome. It's going to be a very cool vibe. But I know it does seem like a long way away, but like we've said, it is selling crazy already.

So don't ask Santa to put in your stocking. It might be gone by then by the look of things. Exactly. Big chance. Get onto it. Lovely. Also, speaking of people who do the lovely right thing and give back to this podcast,

because you're putting into what you call the honour box, I guess. Is that what you call it? When you enjoy something and you feel like making a charitable contribution to something and you call it an honour box or an honour something like that? Do you know what I'm talking about? Not really. Oh.

Why do they do that? Well. Oh, you mean like the, hey, this is free, but if you want to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Something like the, you know, like the bucket at Comedy at Spleen. Mm-hmm.

But funnier. But not the honour system because there's a guy there berating you if you don't put in. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, we sort of do that a little bit here as well. You in church with the collection plate would be great. Just in the robes.

Oh, yeah. Good one, cunt. Yeah. Yeah, nice one. God created everything and you can't give us fucking five bucks? Well, if you don't like this earth, why don't you fuck off? How about you don't like God, why don't you fucking try the alternative and go downstairs and get a pitchfork up your ass, you cunt.

No, you can't eat any fucking wafer. How about you eat my dick instead. Yep. Love it. But thank you to everyone who has contributed and continues to contribute. Yep. And, of course, this is a part of the show where we give back. We make it almost

not only worth your while but worth more than your while to do that because this is the absolute if you're a big dum-dum head, if you're a big awary and you've always wanted to be part of the show in some way this is where we make your name part of the show and it will be part of the show forever

this show is like a modern day indecent proposal, you know, you give us money in exchange for having your name read out of the show and will be part of the show forever. This show is like a modern day indecent proposal. You know, you give us money in exchange for having your name read out. Instead of, instead of coming in here and fucking our wives, we just speak your name into a microphone. For all you,

you know, Robert Redford's out there that are no Robert Redford's. Yeah. Yeah. You're more cucks yourselves than, than, than Robert Redford's. Yeah. Yeah. You're more cucks yourselves than Robert Redford. Yeah, big time. Okay, let's crack open the unplanned title, Alternator, and let's get some names read out for this week. Let's make some names live on forever.

Let's make some people's week. Yeah. I really hope this is the highlight of your week. Yeah. Just by reading your name out. If not this week, these people that we read the name out, please let us know if this is the highlight of your week. And if it's not, tell us what is.

Yeah. These people. I want to know what's better that's happened to you this week than this. And also, if it's not the highlight of your week, you've got to tell us where it kind of ended up ranking on the ladder. Oh, yeah.

You know, maybe it was like, I was probably like number eight for me. If you're going to do that, there are better things that happen. If you're going to do that,

you then need to tell us what was better. That's what I mean. Yeah. So, no matter how far down it is, that's fine. Hey, we can take it. Yeah.

We've got thick skin. Yeah. You can tell us that it was the 20 best thing that happened to you, but you've got to tell us the other 19 that were better. Those 19 better be fucking good. Don't take the piss because this is serious.

Don't take the mickey. Yeah, we're serious. We don't want to just read junk, all right? We want the real deal. And by all means, if this was the absolute worst thing that happened to you this week, feel free to let us know that because Because that must be a fantastic week. Yeah, exactly. Even like a shit that you took was better than this.

Yeah. Well, let's see what we say about these people, to be fair. Yeah, true. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. First cab off the rank, as they say in the classics. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Xavier Squires. Oh, Lord Almighty. La-di-da.

La-di-fucking-da. Wow. What a privilege it is to get the dollars from Master Squires. What actually is a squire? Let's look it up. Yeah, it's one of those terms that, you know, I kind of vaguely know what it's adjacent. You know, yeah, you think you know what it is, but I don't quite know exactly what it is. It feels posh.

A man of high social standing who owns and lives on an estate in a rural area, especially the chief landowner in such an area. Okay, wow. So someone who owns slaves or a plantation or something like that. I think that's a bit of a stretch. But it says here, starting in the Middle Ages, which doesn't feel really like America. That's American term, I think, with the slaves.

Was there too many slave owners in England? I don't think there probably was. Was there? I don't know. I don't know my history. I'm guessing. I know nothing and I care not not to speculate because you brought it up i'll almost definitely be wrong yeah and this will be driving someone utterly insane right now

yes i don't want to i don't want to get the fucking i can't handle the fucking messages anymore from people during the week yeah uh or the alternative to the verb is the verb gives the example, squire of a man, accompany or escort a woman. She was squired around Rome by a reporter. What a strange example. It is. I guess I don't strictly mean escort in the sexual favors way. So it's platonic. In this example.

It can be platonic. Yes, in this example. So it's platonic. In this example. It can be platonic. Yes, in this example, yes. So it's not exclusive to like a dating thing. I would say almost it's unexclusive of that. I've never heard someone saying squiring around a sex worker. I think that's a weird thing, a weird way of saying. Well, I mean, does it have to be a sex worker? Couldn't it just be someone you're dating? No, yeah, that's what I mean. Like would you say you're... But when I said escort, that's what I was reading into it. Yeah, I mean, does it have to be a sex worker? Couldn't it just be someone you're dating? No, yeah, that's what I meant. Like, would you say you're...

But when I said escort, that's what I was reading into it. Yeah, yeah, okay. Right, right, right. I see what you're saying. But so, effectively, so you wouldn't say that... To squire someone is to be going out with, to be seeing... Yeah, yeah. You know, someone. But also still travelling

with them. Yes. Taking them around. Well, not particularly travelling, I don't think. Okay. Yeah, but isn't that what it says? The reporter squired the young lady around Rome? I don't think that around Rome was an essential part of it. I think it was more that's just an example. It's not particularly a travelling thing.

Okay. So you couldn't say, for example... You're seeing someone. ...that your wife will now have to be squiring you around in her car. No. I don't think that's the thing at all. Okay. Right.

Yeah. She's still squiring me, but neither of us are going anywhere. And then you've got Xavier in the mix as well. Starting in the Middle Ages, a squire was the shield or armour bearer of a knight. At times, a squire acted as a knight's errant runner. Use of the term evolved over time. Ah, okay. Yeah.

Right. So I was like, once upon a time, someone looked after a knight, and then it meant, oh, actually, it doesn't mean fucking looking after a sword, it means fucking looking after your own pork sword. Yeah.

Into someone else. That probably is the link. God, I love language. First we learnt about Latin, now we're learning about fucking medieval shit. This is educational. Yeah. This is like hardcore history. I just wish we had kept going into that slave idea.

We could have come out with some really great ideas. We could have had some real zingers off the back of that. So that's what happened. That's where this person has got his money from originally. This is just a big inheritance from way back from that sword looking after money. Very, very... Yeah, right. Very essential job back there.

I wonder what kind of wicket you were on for being a, you know. Couldn't have been huge. Couldn't have been huge. But the squire, the landowner, that's the real money. Oh, the landowner for sure. That's the real money. Yeah. Yeah, it's a weird evolution to go from looking after some cunt's sword,

that's not even your sword, to being someone who fucking has an estate. Well, yeah, and for the word to go from, for that term to go from sort of presumably poverty to it's like, we've got to rebrand this. What can we call this thing? How about that word for that pov camp? We don't really have swords and shields anymore. Well, I reckon at some stage the squires have been looking after the swords and then gone, no, actually, maybe we'll just have this sword.

We're looking after it. They're ours from now on. And then the knights are like, no, that's actually mine. It's like, well, it's in my hands and now it's in your guts. So we've got the sword. So it was a hostile takeover. Yeah, this is where we start things. We've got the sword and then they just start owning land

by stabbing cunts that fucking own land. Or they could have just been good at saving and had good super, you know, and then squirreled away all their squire money all those years and then all of a sudden they're like, you know what? It feels a bit... Lay off the smashed avo. It feels a bit too long-term for cunts that have got access to swords, I reckon. That's true.

Yeah. Yeah. So that's... What I'm saying is we've got blood on our hands right now because we've got blood money from Xavier Squires. At some stage, these rellos have stabbed some knights, owned some English land, and now in their infinite wisdom,

they've decided to use some of that, some of those shekels, some of those pence on us. And you know what? If you've committed crimes and got money from it, we're absolutely happy to accept it. If you want to use... We haven't discussed this off-air, so I apologise for putting this out there without your sign-off.

That's fine. But I hope that you'll be into it. Absolutely. I'm signing off on it, yes, now. If you would like to use a little Dun Dun Club Patreon to launder money, we're more than happy to facilitate that. Just blood money. Happy to accept blood money.

If you can tell us, again've what you've done to earn the money and if it's illegal absolutely fine yeah cool if you want to explicitly tell us that this is uh drug money that we're getting fine don't we we but then we're then we can be pulled in we don't want that this is a comedy podcast you know it's all it, Your Honour? It's all just a big laugh. See, you don't care about this. You're going to be down at the courthouse anyway. I'm there anyway. I don't want to have to make a trip just for this.

Let's get it all done on the same day. I'll get all the stuff I've done wrong over in the same day. That's fine. Thanks, Xavier. Thanks, Xavier. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Matt Troella. T-R-E-W-E-L-L-A. Troella.

Troella. Matt Troella. Damn. I'm off it. I'm not into it. It's not... It doesn't grab me. No.

There's no... It's all over the place. There's not... You know, over the place. There's not... You know, you start strong with like the TR and then the rest of it is just no strong sounds. It's wishy-washy. Can't say I've got no real feelings about Matt. It's like it's fine, but it's a bit nothing.

Well, it's like, you know, when something just flows off the lips, like, you know, flows off the tongue. Yeah. Great. This is the tongue. Yeah. Great. This is the opposite. Yeah. This is hard work.

Yeah. This is not. The tongue is like, oh. No, hard work. Yeah. Like. Now, maybe this is going to be the one that's like, this is the low point of this guy's week. Yeah.

Yeah. This is. Well, it's the low point of my week so far. Big time. To be honest. And you've missed a flight. Yeah. I've lost my license. you've missed a flight. Yeah. I've lost my license.

I've missed a flight. Matt Treuella- I sat- Treuella-well-a-ding-dong-a-whatever-the-fuck-this-cunt's-name-is. I sat next to a guy on the plane yesterday for four hours on the plane, next to a fat cunt on the plane who sat in the middle seat and leaned his arm over me. Brutal. For the whole trip.

Yeah. I got on the plane i didn't have a great time either way yeah for to perth or from got got you know got on the plane great got my ticket had a middle seat went oh okay that's a shame haven't had one of them for all whatever went to get on the plane ding ding oh your seats actually changed has Has it? Yes, sir. You're now sitting on a window seat. Oh, nice. Okay, nice. Get in there. Fat cunt middle seat. Okay, well, I don't know.

I haven't been in this situation before. I'm sure it's okay. No, it's not. He made an effort for about two seconds and then just gave himself a good old stretch out. Yep. Sweaty arms all over me, just right over on my tray table. I was like taking out the tray table and like popping it back up and down again and up again and down again just to give him the idea

of maybe you should be fucking tucking your arms in a bit, like the first five seconds. Did not take that on board at all. I had a very similar experience on the way there, sat next to a real big boy. But you know what was really bad about it was that I'd paid for the flight. You fucking cunt. He went to sleep as well and was a magnificent snorer, as you'd imagine.

Such a large presence to be. Yep. Got right into it. Just a big three o'clock fucking snore session. Yeah. Fucking hell. On the flight back, I had a big fidgeter next to me. Oh.

Just constantly elbowing me. And I nearly snapped. I nearly had to do a bit of sit, still, can't. Yeah. It was driving me fucking up the wall. Oh, I was like, what am I going to do here? Like, I can't. It was making me claustrophobic because I'm crushed against the fucking window as well.

And I'm like, this is, you know is the longest flight in Australia you can basically take. I hate that. Yeah, I'm not. I've gone off the window seat. I hate feeling trapped. Yeah. I fucking am not into it. I came around big time on the window seat.

Now it's all about the aisle. Yeah. I'm aisle every day until I've got an overnighter. That's all. That's true even then though even then i find that the thought of being trapped freaks me out too much and i can't sleep right you know what the best though you get what's your ideal seat in the plane there um i'm about to tell you okay um window seat exit row because then you got that window you got the room to move and get

out freely that's the best seat on the plane hands down interesting sometimes you know this is the thing though i was thinking about this on the on the um way over back in the good old days you'd get every now and then you could just get an exit row if you were traveling by yourself if you turned up early enough you could be like hey can i have the i've heard this today or they'd get they bump you up they're all monetized now ah i heard this today someone's complaining about this today to me right interesting i've never been a fan of the exit row i've never never sorted never even appreciated when i've had it really yeah because i'm like well now you're making me work i've just

paid or paid not very much to be on this flight and now it's like now it's my responsibility to save everyone's fucking life. How about, how about the fucking everyone, someone else do it? How about. It is weird because you, you now,

it is very strange because now you have to pay. Yeah. You have to pay more to be in that row. Right. When you, it's like they need someone in there. Yeah. Like you have to be there and potentially fulfilling this task.

Yeah. And then when you check, when you go through, they do still say to you like, now you're seated in an exit row. Because I got one on the way back from Perth. Right, right. When you go through there, like now are you able and willing to do these tasks, you know, the spiel they give you. And it's like, what if I say no?

You've already taken my money for this scene. What happens there if I go, oh, actually, no, I'm not. For whatever reason, I wouldn't be able to do that. Do I then get put in another seat and would I then have cause to, would Virgin then give me my money back if I contact them and go, hey, I didn't end up having that seat because I couldn't fulfil those duties. Can I have that 50 bucks back?

Sorry, but I'm fucked in the head. I don't know how to do that shit. Sorry. Yeah, I want to die, so I don't think I'll be any help if it comes down to it. I've had a rough day. What's that in your pocket?

A ticket stub from the Joker movie? Oh, this guy's fucked in the head. This guy's twisted. He's going to take the whole thing down. Yeah. Oh, God. We've got an incel in the fucking exit row. The incel row.

Yeah. Man, that's... Okay, that's interesting. Right. Yeah, I've never got into the exit row. Well, apparently, this is what I heard from my dad the other day. So take this with a grain of salt. He heard on the radio or whatever apparently, that they're

going to be having, they're going to bring in more and more premium economy rows into planes because apparently just your standard flights are getting so cheap that your standard economy flight like they're not making, the economy seat, they're not making enough money back on the planes. Right. So they need to add

a few more rows of like premium economy which I guess, I don't really know what they can do in terms of seat size and whatever but yeah they're trying to find more ways to make more of the plane cost more because they're not making enough money yeah yeah right okay interesting well i i won't be paying any extra for mine and i'll continue to i guess miss flights instead of experience any of the perfect crime it's really amped up though i mean you know this of all people but it's really amped up i've been i've been around for a lot of them yeah i mean most of them are yeah when we're on our way work engagements yes so it's always like fucking hell how's this pod gonna go now what a fucking nightmare it hasn't happened yet i've

always had insurance in terms of it's happening days before we're doing we're doing something but yeah i've got to keep an eye on that i can't slip up when it happens on the day or i'm gonna I've always had insurance in terms of it's happening days before we're doing something. But yeah, I've got to keep an eye on that. I can't slip up when it happens on the day or it's going to be trouble, isn't it? Yeah. I've got a couple coming up. We've got the Gold Coast and Hobart. We've got the Gold Coast coming up, although to be completely – well, no.

So the Gold Coast – I know we're the day before, aren't we? The Gold Coast we're getting in the night before and we're sharing a room. So to be honest, I hope you missed that. we're getting in the night before and we're sharing a room. So to be honest, I hope you missed that. You're going to get yourself a premium economy hotel room if that happens. Get to push those beds together. Hobart is the day of.

Yes. So Hobart is the day of and it's Saturday morning that we're going down too. Very interesting. It is very interesting it is very see i would have thought if i was you i would have given up on this caper yeah after the i think the most brutal one that you've had previous to this story the story that you just told was pretty bad but when we were coming back from montreal yep and we were going to new york and you know we'd had a good time doing the shows in montreal and stuff and seeing the comedy and everything but it was like New York how cool is New York yeah can't wait to get to New York yeah and then you miss the plane and you're just staying in the airport next to the freeway

in the hotel next to the freeway yeah that would have been enough for me I would have been like I'm never getting standby again it was pretty it was like it was you guys you and Milan in Times Square about two hours later yeah and me in an Italian restaurant in Montreal on the side of a highway next to a gas station. Yeah. Eating shit garlic bread and being on Facebook and seeing you cunts in New York going, we're going to the Comedy Cellar. No, you know what? Actually, to be fair, you didn't really miss anything that night.

I'm pretty sure, I don't think we did anything that night because the night before had been the big, big final night party in Montreal and we'd gotten fucked. And also we'd been drinking so hard for like four days. I think me and Milan just went for a dinner and then just crashed. I don't think we went and did anything. Well, I did miss out on – I had two spots booked at the famous Comedy Cellar, I had two spots booked at the famous comedy cellar.

Yeah. The hottest place in town in, you know, probably maybe within comedians, maybe the most famous comedy club in the world. I think so. I think so as well. Anyway, I didn't do any of that. So that's pretty cool. But, you know, I did have – Got to eat fucking linguine.

A pretty shit bowl of nose. In a BP. Yeah. And then – so there was that and then the other time was uh on the way back from a kosamui international podcast festival not this year's one last year's one when it was going to be like all right we've signed off we finished all that we've had a great fun one final last all right yeah well let's all go out in bangkok one night yeah instead it just became you guys going there and uh you know you guys drinking at the top of the fucking tower from the Hangover movie. Yeah, okay.

That one, you missed a really fun one. Yeah. That was a great night. Yeah, exactly. And me, me instead, just hanging out at the airport most of the day and then going, missing like five flights in a row, sitting there going, can I get on this one? No. There's another one in 45 minutes.

Okay. No, you can't get on that one either. And then doing that all day, then going back to the town, having a few drinks, getting something to eat, coming back again. No, no, no. Missed nearly a full day's worth of flights. Yeah. Fuck.

And also, the number of times that it ends in you then needing to get a hotel or something that is roughly equal to what the cost of the flight would have just been anyway. Yes. Good shit. I agree with all of these points and I will do nothing about it. Well, thanks Matt. Thanks Matt. Well, sorry, you've lost the will to pronounce.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber Heath Sheehan. S-H-E-A-H-A-N. Just one E? Yeah. Okay. With an A. S-H-E-A-H-A-N. Just one E? Yeah. Okay. With an A. S-H-E-A-H-A-N. Oh, interesting.

Yeah. Sheehan. Sheehan. Sheehan. Sheehan. Sheehan. What was his first name again? Heath.

Heath. I don't mind Heath. Have you ever seen a name with three H's in it like this? It's rare. Yeah, I don't know that I have. It's rare. I'd love you to name one that has as many if not

more. Okay. I'd love that. Okay. I'm googling it now. Has there ever been a name? Has there? I'm more, to be honest, more interested in what the autofill predictions on Google are. Has there ever been a name?

What does it think you're trying to type? I've already typed, has there ever been, and it's come up with, has there ever been a name? What does it think you're trying to type? I've already typed, has there ever been, and it's come up with, has there ever been a woman on the moon? I'll look that up later. Hang on. I'm dying to know. The listeners are dying to know. Some listeners are typing it in before me just to see if they can find out

before they hear this bit. Has there ever been a name of a woman who landed on the moon? Has there ever been a name with more than three H's? It's such an oddly worded question. Has there ever been a name? And what comes up is a list of retired Atlantic hurricane names. Okay. Which I'm into that result as well.

Yeah. Retired. So they retire hurricane names. So they're like, we can't use this name. We can't use these names anymore. No more hurricane Hitlers. No more hurricanes with the N word involved. Yep.

Or if Cody and Blakey were naming them, any Hurricane R-words. Hurricane R-word. You can't call a hurricane... Oh, this is like a complaint from some fucking old guy now. You can't even call a hurricane Edna anymore. They should... You know what? It's not a bad idea to have hurricanes have offensive names

because it's meant to inspire. It's like, hey, this thing is coming. Get out of the way. Get your house back. It should instill fear in you. You know, if it's just a pleasant person's name, it's easy to ignore. Whereas if there's a slur in the name, you're going to sit bolt upright. You're going to pay attention.

But why do they need to retire names? I'm just trying to very quickly read why like what's the reason why were they is it because there's too many is it they've just used them too many times or um yeah maybe that's why because then it can't be confused with like a previous one like there's no use going okay um hurricane kenny and And it's like, oh, what, is it back? No, no, no, it's a new one. We've just called it by a new name. It's not the one from, you know, 12 years ago and it's been fucking just hanging out somewhere.

It's just been hanging out. Yeah. And they think what people might be, people might not, because, you know, oh, 12 years ago it did no damage and this is just the same one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we know that one. It took quite a small fry. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It doesn't like to come this way. Yeah. And then all of a sudden it comes back and it's like, what the fuck, Kenny? You same one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We know that one. It's like a small fry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It doesn't like to come this way. Yeah. And then all of a sudden it comes back and it's like, what the fuck, Kenny? You've changed. Yeah. Yeah, well, that's because I'm not the old Kenny. Me and my parents got caught in a hurricane when I was 12

when we went to New Orleans. What name? Ah, that's a good question. I actually don't know what it was called. I can't remember. But it was a pretty cool experience. We had to stay there for like an extra few days than what we were planning

uh you basically get told all this stuff like move the beds away from the windows all the everything gets boarded up you have to go you know go and get all supplies and stuff it's a pretty cool experience yeah right for something that you know i was the right age for it where it was just like this is just cool you know you don't factor in like there's probably severe risk here right we actually might die i was like i'm having a great, you don't factor in like there's probably severe risk here. We actually might die. I was like, I'm having a great time. You can't even call a hurricane Bob anymore. Hurricane Bob? Yeah.

You can't do that anymore. Pretty weird. You can't call a hurricane Georges. Not even George. Georges. I think maybe it was Georges. The one that we were in. I think. Well, it was active in the In the Caribbean And the United States

Gulf Coast Is that a Is that a Does that ring a bell? The Gulf of Mexico? We weren't in Mexico We were in New Orleans What year?

What do you reckon vaguely? 1997 I think. Oh, this is 1998. Maybe it was 98. September 15 to October 1, 1998. Ring a bell? Yeah, I reckon it was then. It was that one.

Really? Yeah, because we were there a couple of weeks after my birthday. So September checks out. And yeah, 98, I was in year six. So yeah. It was responsible for 604 deaths. Wow. But not yours.

Well, not 605. And how's me before? Like, yeah, it was safe. It was fine. It caused $9.37 billion worth of US damage. Wow. Man. Well, you know, don't let the doorknob hit you on the way out,

fucking Hurricane Georges. Georges. Veil. Veil. Veil Hurricane Georges. Pour out a can of wind on the curb for Hurricane Georges. Man, this is fucking interesting. I like this.

So you can't call it Hurricane Katrina anymore. That would be weird. It's like starting a new band called The Beatles. You can't just pull out a new hurricane and try and trade on the name of fucking the granddaddy of them all. That would be a cool thing if you took, instead of using a baby naming book, if you just used, you named your kid after a decommissioned hurricane name.

That's not bad. Yeah. Here's my son, Hurricane. I thought you were going to name it after a hurricane. I did. It's named after a hurricane. It's named after all of them. You say that – you've got a particularly dumb partner.

I want to name my kid after a hurricane. Okay, Hurricane. Yeah, and they're studying that list of names for just months on end. You've got a particularly dumb partner. I want to name my kid after a hurricane. Okay. Hurricane. Yeah. And they're studying that list of names for just months on end. Day and night, up until 4 a.m. Like, short list, long list. All right, honey.

I've come up with it. Hurricane. Great. Thank you. Thanks, Wind or whatever the fuck this person's name was. Heath Sheehan. Heath Sheehan. Heath Sheehan. Fuck, how did we get there? Has there ever been a name with more than three H's?

One of my favourite liftoff points. That's great. Has there ever been a name? Oh, now we need to go back to has there ever been a woman on the moon? Oh, yeah, okay. Very quickly. Has there ever been? Has there ever been? Has there ever been a woman on the moon?

The first woman in space, Soviet cosmonaut Valentina Tereshkova, flew in 1963. Space flight programs were slow to employ women and only began to include them from the 1980s. Most women in space have been United States citizens with missions on the space shuttle and on the international space station that is not no moon action that's not the answer uh is this a dumb question no there has not i don't think there has been when was the last time someone went on the moon i know that's not a dumb question

people it does because it yeah that's not a dumb question i've looked at it before because it it is like okay if we you know the if we, you know, the conspiracy theory is about, you know, the idea of, oh, well, they didn't walk on the moon. And it's like, well, you know, if they did it back then, how come they're not still doing it now? Because you're not getting much more out of it, really. If people have been on the moon, what are you going to fucking find out? There's nothing on it.

There's rocks on it. Yeah. We all, you know, got our rocks off, so to speak, by someone walking on it. But why send someone up there if there's rocks on it yeah we all you know got our rocks off so to speak by someone walking on it but why send someone up there if there's zero reason sure but you could say that about a lot of things yeah i'm surprised that there aren't like billionaires who are like get me up there i want to do it right the ultimate trophy okay i'm one of the i'm one of about 10 people in the world that can afford the resources and the training and everything to do it. Get me in there.

That makes more sense. Like if you were like Branson or someone. Yeah. Tell me you wouldn't just be like, fuck it, I'm having a crack. Has he been in space already? Because he was all behind the commercial flights into space. Yeah. That was his big idea.

But I don't think that's happened. I don't know. Yeah. Has Richard Branson? Man. big idea but i don't think that's happened i don't know yeah has branson has richard branson man well at what point i mean there's probably there's probably a point where you're you know because you could basically like skim space couldn't you you could get just clear of the earth's atmosphere yes and just be just be in there by a whisker and technically say i've been in space without going way out into... But you're cheating yourself, aren't you?

Sure. But I mean, if all you care about is the technicality, maybe... Has there ever been a Richard Branson in space? I think the answer is no, not yet. I think he's very, very close. I think he's very keen by the look of things, by the look of these results. Richard Branson expects to fly passengers into space by 2020. Jesus.

That says the Jakarta Post, which is one of my favorite space-based news periodicals. Man. But I think, yeah, I think he's going to do some of that skimming bullshit. To think, the little Dumb Dumb Club 500th episode and Virgin going into space

in the same year. 2020 is lining up to be an absolute banger. Yep. Yep. If you were going to go into space, would you want to also

go to the moon? Or would you feel like just being in space would be enough? Personally, I have no interest in doing either. But, I mean... If you were going, would you just figure, while I'm up here, I may as well go to the moon? I wonder how much more training you have to do, how much more preparation and everything,

to go under the moon versus just being in space. Just as much again, surely. Because that's a whole... if you're in space, all you're doing is sitting in a fucking box. But, you know, you actually got to do shit to be on the moon. Well, all you're doing is walking on a rock. No, but that's still another thing. Do that every day.

That's still another thing. That's another thing. You've got to open a door. You've got to climb a fucking ladder. Kramer style, just sliding out onto the moon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all – you know, look, I'm no absolute astro genius, but I reckon climbing a ladder, opening a door is harder on the moon than it is here. I would feel like, I probably would be like, oh yeah, it's all this extra training and stuff.

You know what? Going into space is still pretty awesome. This has been so much work. But then once I'm up there, I'd be like what a fucking shame and then you see me go past and i'm like see ya mate i'm off to the moon you're like fuck i could have done that extra six months and there's chando down fucking kicking a soccer ball around the moon yeah that would have been all right but you never make it there because you've been pulled over because you were calling me no the rocket. No, I was on standby, so I never got on there. Oh, man, even more brutal. Standby for a fucking Apollo dump truck.

For a shuttle. Houston, we have a problem. Yeah. There's only 11 seats and this can't be the 12th one. Thanks. Oh, no, we already did thanks. Oh, yeah, yeah. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Joel Broom.

Joel Broom. Yeah, Joel Broom. Joel Broom? Yeah, Joel Broom. Joel Broom. Named after one of the most prominent places in Australia that I've A, never been to, and B, don't have very much understanding of. Yeah, I would like to go to Broom. My ex's mum lived there for a bit. And so when we were together, she went and visited her mum for, I think, a week.

And it sounded pretty cool. Just a place that is like, you know, a lot different to any – just a very small kind of desert-y, I think. Yeah. I'm imagining those sand waves or something, you know, like – do you know what i mean by that like um like the done things video uh what's that what does that mean like surfing down the down the like on the paul kelly song yeah i don't think i know the the i don't think i know the reference because people surfing on the sand is there yeah you know like the big hills of sand yeah people like okay right right i think that's the one. Okay.

Top things to do in Broome. Staircase to the moon. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Did you feel that? Has there ever been a woman on the staircase to the moon?

Visit Chinatown. Oh, they got one of them as well. The Japanese cemetery. Damn. Jeez, sounds like scary. It's very got one of them as well. The Japanese Cemetery. Damn. Jeez, sounds like scary. Very multicultural up there in Broome. Yeah, a lot of Asian references already. It's WA, isn't it? Yes.

Is it? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think so. The Broome History Museum. God, okay. All right. Well, actually, just quickly, speaking of small towns in, well, it's a small town, but regional WA, across from where I was staying in Esperance.

And I didn't get to go there, which is a shame, but just a classic, I thought of you, classic small country town Chinese restaurant. Oh. The Golden Orient. Right. The Golden Orient. Just that classic, you know, that like, I don't know what it would be called, but you know that like that same font that every small country town Chinese restaurant has for its sign. Really good shit. Great. Looked awesome.

Big dragon on the sign. Great. It's how you let people know you've got a Chinese restaurant. There's no other way to do it. Yeah. Unfortunately. I've got the update from my mum. Her birthday was on the day that we did the Perth podcast.

I was thinking about ringing her and giving her a birthday shout-out on the pod, but then I thought, no, I better not. I thought this could be funny, but then I thought, no, there's too many dangers, I think, in doing that. Happy birthday, Mrs Chandler. Yes, thank you. How old? I don't know.

I don't know. Ballpark? Late, mid to late 60s. Okay. Yeah. And for her birthday, you know, look, they're good but simple people. Yep. They don't ask for much.

Yep. And they don't do much for stuff like that. They don't make big deals of stuff like that. But they did go out to dinner to the local Chinese restaurant. Okay. To the big place in town. It's been... I've talked about this before.

This is for eons in Maribor. This is the place to go for your birthday. Peach Village? Peach Village. Peach Village. Exactly. Love the name. Yeah go for your birthday. Peach Village. Peach Village. Peach Village. Exactly. Love the name. Yeah, you know it.

Very vibey. Yeah. And they really went out there. They went to the Chinese restaurant and had some Oriental food. And what do you reckon they chose? What do you reckon they had for dinner that night? Lemon chicken. Sweet and sour pork.

Oh, no. Fried fried rice i had fried rice yes yep they didn't have got what were the two picks again uh lemon chicken they had lemon chicken okay they didn't have sweet and sour pork oh they had fried rice okay so you got two out of three here oh there's one more okay Okay. One more. Hmm. Was the third thing like an entree thing or a main? Another main. Another main. Yep.

Oh, fuck. Oh, look, I know what it is and it's slightly- Mongolian beef? Oh, close. Beef and black bean. Beef and black bean. Yeah. I kind of think they're like the same thing in my head. I don't really know what the difference is.

Well, I kind of think rainbow steak is sort of the same thing as well. I don't even know what rainbow steak is. I'm not sure if that's a common thing or not, but basically I think that's what they call beef and black bean at Peach Village. Right, okay. Rainbow steak. I bet this is like there's only two other things on the menu. No, I remember there being quite a big menu when I was a kid and we'd go there.

They had the fried ice cream. Okay. Yeah. No, I think – and mum said it was packed on a Sunday night, which is big. You know, country town on a Sunday night. You don't leave the house. What age does that click go?

Because that's such a parent thing. Just thinking that it's interesting to anyone else what the attendance was like at somewhere that you went several days ago. It's like, who cares? Oh, they love it. Yeah. You know, in a town like that, it's like they'll come home and go, oh, they'll either go, oh, heaps of people down the street today.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or no one down the street today. The amount of times my mum has told me, oh, no one down the street today. The street's bombing. Yeah. I might start bringing that on, just get a jump on it because it's probably coming at some point in old age, it clicks over that you find that interesting.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just going to get the lead on it. Anyone I talk to any day, I'm just going to give an update. Yeah. Down at the supermarket before, packed in there. Yeah, yeah. Heaps of people yeah yeah so that's good that's good and it's slightly more interesting than the weather which is the other

thing the other go-to yeah i think it's less interesting than the weather um i think it's more interesting because less people talk about it because everyone talks about the weather to some degree but at least whether you can converse about plans. Oh, a swim would be nice. Hey, I wish I was here instead of in the cold. I guess. But just going, I was here a week ago. I was in a cinema a week ago and there were 20 people sitting near me.

You hearing that, that's a brick wall. There's nothing you can do with that information. But you don't know that. Like you actually need someone else to tell you that. There's no way of you finding that out. Whereas, you know, the weather,

someone comes and says, oh, this, and you go, cunt, I've got a fucking window. Yeah. I've fucking figured that out for myself.

Got a window. Stick my head out of that hole whenever I fucking want. Yep, yep. You think I need you to tell me this? Yep, out the hatch. Fuckhead.

Get a bit of vitamin D. I've got a fucking app for that. Do I have an app for how many people were down High Street at six o'clock at night? i don't that's probably coming though oh man let's get a webcam well there kind of is i mean there used to be that thing called four square you can check in on facebook and then you can click the location and see how many people are checked in at any given time oh yeah so we so that is essentially the tech version of a 60 something

year old woman telling you how many people are down the Chinese restaurant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So your mum very, you know, very technically progressive, technologically progressive. Well, we're obviously related. Like, she's just got the hearsay. She's got the, with her own eyes, she's seen how many people there. Whereas I'm more into just looking at webcams on the internet

to see how many people are walking down the street in Koh Samui. Yeah. Yeah. Of which there are some, there's some new webcams on the go as well, guys. Okay. So if you want to look that up, there's some interesting new angles of the island, I find. Mm-hmm. The bike that's doing it, he's fucking riding, he's building all the time, he's growing all

the time. There's more and more webcams in Koh Samui. What do you have to do to set up, like, does he just put a camera there in a public place and hope for the best? I think so. That no one comes and pinches it? Well, I asked him to set one up, like, last year. Yeah. To set one up, like, near the Koh Samui International Podcast Fest.

And he was sort of, like, not into it. I'm like, but why are you into anywhere else? Like, what? Yeah. He's got about 20 of them now. He has really grown. He put one at the airport. I think this guy lives next to the airport.

Wow. And so he set one up at the airport and, uh, and it got taken down. It was there for a couple of weeks. I watched a bit of it. I was like, this is not bad. It's a new, a new little twist. That's cause that's, I can see that's a big security approach. Yeah.

I'm surprised he didn't get fucking taken out by a fucking sniper as he was climbing up the tree to put it in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a shame that we didn't, because given that it seems pretty easy to just leave one in public and then it's just there, there's no, like, council or anything. Yeah. It's a shame that we didn't think of getting our own

official little Dum Dum Club one set up. It just links directly from our website. Oh, you know know i'd love that but it was funny because there was actually a news story about this guy that has all the pod the podcast all the webcams and it was like yeah this guy fucking airport webcam you know got it taken out no shit so yeah but then it was like yeah this guy a fucking you know 67 year old englishman yeah expat was is the one doing it. It's like, oh, this makes more sense.

Yeah, yeah. Some dodgy old English cunt comes over to Asia and just wants to fucking tape everything. Yeah. There's a password-protected part of the webcam website that's just like in the dunnies. Yes. Exactly.

Thanks, Joel. Thanks, Joel. One left for tonight. I've really got to get home. I've come from work. I've got work tomorrow. I've really got to get home. I've come from work. I've got work tomorrow. I've got to go home and see my child at some stage. It would be nice.

My child's asleep at the moment. My child's sleeping. She's out of the bedroom now. She's out of the parents' bedroom. Oh, yeah. She's into her own room now. She's got her own room. Into our merch room.

Yes. Yeah. She's basically a guard dog now okay um if in the middle of the night anyone was thinking about coming in and you know trying to steal an xl i'm aware of little dum-dum club shirt well you gotta fucking take on blanket first yeah right uh so that's that's a cool little new thing uh as i said on the podcast she's uh oh as i said on the podcast, she's saying, Dad, Dad, Dad, I got home. Now I finally got the IRL, Dad, Dad, Dad.

Yeah, nice. Yeah, playing with her this morning. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's nice. But funnily enough, so she's big on the mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum. I've been saying that for months. Mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum. That's how she says it. Mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum. That's how she says it.

Mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum. This is why she says dad. Dad, dad. Dad! Dad! Dad! I don't know. I can't help but correlate the mood of the word mum to the subject and vice versa.

Yep. Again, it's all going to come subject and vice versa. Yep. Yep. Again, it's, it's all going to come out on a therapist's couch one day. It's going to be a great day. One, let's do, let's do one more.

One more, whatever number this is. This has gone for fucking ages. Sorry. How long has it gone for? It's gone for, this bit now has been an hour and 12 minutes. Fuck.

All right. All right. We've got two, two minutes and let's wrap this up. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. God. Okay. Wow. All right. all right. We've got two minutes, and let's wrap this up. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. God, okay. Wow. All right.

What? Oh, just, you know, the rest of the names usually are pretty random, but this one actually reminds me of something. What does it remind you of? That we talked about a bit before. Oh, okay. Yeah. Anyway.

Okay. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Hurricane Comedy. Oh. Yeah. anyway. Okay. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Hurricane Comedy. Oh. Yeah. Wow. Has that been inspired by the list of retired names? I think this is a literal hurricane that's subscribing to us. I got excited.

I thought for a minute it might have been Quadruple H Comedy. I got excited. I thought for a minute it might have been quadruple H comedy. Well, you know, it could have happened if they had popped up. Might have made a note at an earlier time. I mean, that would have been great. Don't you agree? Well, you know, I'm pretty happy with this person. Not knocking it.

Not knocking it. Not knocking it. Just saying. You know, I think this is remarkable that, like we talked before about certain hurricanes that had all that sort of damage. Yeah. Responsible. Yeah. I think they're subscribing to us and just whacking this on the total of all the debt,

you know, all the damage that they've done. Oh, sure. But you can see how, because we're also wondering, has there ever been a name that has more than three H's? So you can see that the one we were also wondering, has there ever been a name that has more than three H's? So you can see that the one I suggested, called Drupal H Comedy, that also, if that had have come up, that also would have been remarkable. Look, I'd love... It would have been an answer to the question on Google.

If someone out there with that name had have subscribed and had come up, that would have been great. It would have been awesome. You've got to play the hand that you're dealt. That's not how fate works. That's not how it works. And ifs and buts and all of that sort of stuff. I absolutely agree.

It's just a mere curiosity I felt compelled to bring up. Great. Well, you know, what if we had abracadabra comedy? Who knows? Now that would be funny. Wouldn't that be great? But unfortunately, that's not what happened. Someone like that, named that, has not subscribed to us.

Or if they have, it has not come up today. So this is literally what it is. I don't know why you brought up this hypothetical. I'm sorry. You've brought me a delicious dessert and all I can do is go, bit more chocolate sauce on this would have been great. Exactly. It's a physical miracle that a hurricane is subscribing to us.

And you're like, yeah, but what if... Subscribe to us. I don't know, man. I guess I'm just living a life where I feel like at least once a week there's some kind of bizarre coincidence comes up in my life. Yeah, there's one right there. So I've become somewhat, you know, I've become just desensitized to them. They don't register in the same way that they may have, you know,

maybe two or three years ago. Right. Okay. Right. Okay. Well, look. Thanks, Hurricane. Thanks, Hurricane, for wreaking havoc and somehow, I guess,

sucking up money wherever you went and then spitting it at us. Yep. Back onto the gulf of comedy. Yep. That onto the gulf of comedy. Yep. That's it. Thanks to everyone that subscribes. And if you want to subscribe and get bonus magazines, episodes, and the chance to have your name immortalized,

like these four people in one weather happening, go to patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. like these four people in one weather happening, go to patreon.com slash littledumdumclub. See, you were saying talking about the weather is boring. You were doing it just then. That was pretty fun. Wrong. I was absolutely wrong.

I've eaten my words. I've had the words blown back into my mouth. Thank you to Patreon subscriber 15 people at the Chinese restaurant comedy. Now this is going to be a good topic to talk on. Thanks very much for listening, guys. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for tickets to the 500th episode. And we'll see you next time. See you, mates.