The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 472 - Josh Thomas & Sonia Di Iorio

Episode Date: October 22, 2019

We're in a big ol' comedy boardroom for a long overdue catch up with JOSH THOMAS! SONIA DI IORIO is with us as we get fixated on a brief mention of Karl's proclivities in the bedroom, before hearing about what Josh has been up to in LA! Sonia's had a bad experience at a pool party, Tommy's thinking about ways to regrow hair PLUS we give a big shout-out to free-to-air TV. Get on it, folks! GOLD COAST! Our first ever live show up there. November 16, 2pm.HOBART! We're heading down for the first time for a live show in a small venue. November 23, 5pm.We've also added a stand-up show in the same venue at 3pm.MELBOURNE! Our 500th episode is on sale. It's going to be massive. April 25, 2020. 8:30pm. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Josh Thomas and Sonia D'Orio. The big 500th episode live of The Little Dumb Dumb Club is on sale now for April 2020. Tickets are at littledumbdumbclub.com. We will be back in at the end of the episode to talk to you a little bit more about that. But until then, enjoy this great new episode with Josh Thomas and Sonia D'Orio. The Oreo. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. Thanks very much for joining us.

My name is Tommy Dasolo. And with me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. Okay, dickhead. If Tommy sounds a bit overawed there in the interest, because we're in a comedy management company recording this, and Tommy's desperately trying to get signed over here, and he's trying not to fuck up at all. Yeah, we're in the boardroom. You're in your best behaviour.

There's a big whiteboard behind us that says, what is comedy on it? And I'm hoping if I can answer that question, they're going to bring out the contract. I'll get my quill out, dip it in ink. Is that the job interview? Is it like, where do you see yourself in five years? What is comedy?

And if you know, you get signed up. Well, guys, we're going to be breaking that question down over the following hour and joining us to solve one of the greatest quandaries of the modern era, we have joining us Sonia Di Iorio and Josh Thomas. Yes. Hello. Oh, we've got to find out where this person's been for the last five years. Sonia, where have you been?

That is comedy. I've solved it already. Love it. Love it. Thanks for coming back in, Josh. You've been away for ages. Have you technically been living in LA for years? Two years.

Two years. Yeah. It's not good there. It's not good? I thought it was good because I forgot. I was there for so long I forgot. And you wake up every day and you don't wake up and think this is shit right you make it work yeah and it's sunny it is sunny it's too sunny it's like dry and it's dusty and i don't like it there i don't like i

don't like americans very much and it's just what i'm dealing with now that i'm back i thought i tricked myself into thinking that i liked it like i tricked myself into thinking that I liked it. Like I tricked myself into thinking that I liked Cobb salad you know every day and that I liked being asked if I was excited just always being asked if I'm excited. I'm not excited because I'm a grown up you know. Why are they asking you if you're excited?

They just want you to be excited and if you say no they say are you excited about this photo shoot? I'm not excited about the photo shoot actually. say i'm not i'm not excited about the photo shoot actually i'm happy to be here but i'm not excited because i'm a grown-up like i'm not like i'm here it's like 6 a.m yeah and then they get like offended and that's like that's where you have to meet them all the time right that makes sense i literally thought you meant you were walking down the street and people are saying are you excited that is basically what they do right

yeah hey how are you that's their good day are you excited to be here you're excited for the show later like what are you this is amazing i did a phone call the other day and they they opened up saying they said this this is they said this is going to be awesome awesome awesome what about a project or about the phone call itself i don't know man i don't know that's just how they always talk and then if you're like a little bit less than that they get hurt feelings and i've never been yeah yeah anywhere near that you're pretty low-key with emotions like that i would have thought even for australia yeah yeah like we were just before the show we're like saying to you oh you're back you're doing

stand-up and you're like yeah whatever like that's that's low-key for us for the laconic australian yeah i don't fit in there. Yeah, right. So they probably think you're just, like, Australia's Morrissey or something over there. They think I hate them. Yeah, right. They all think I just hate them, and I do. I guess.

When was the last time you were truly excited? Oh, yeah. Try and tap into that energy next time they ask you. Yeah, that's good. Like, triple cream brie, you know? Okay, great. Like, you know, when you're having sex with someone that you wish you were with someone else, you've just got to key into that.

Get that triple cream brie when you're doing a 6 a.m. photo shoot. Sorry, when? I know when I'm what? When you're having sex with someone and you're wishing that person was triple cream brie. That's what it is. We just got an incredible glimpse into the sex life of Kyle Chandler. Have you done that before? I just am grateful to be part of the painting.

You're just erect by the thought of sex in general rather than specifics or anything like that. Are we just talking about your erectile dysfunction now? Yeah. That's how other people... This is not from current personal experience. I've got to be honest. I'm excited. This is a thing that happened a long time ago, that's all.

And I just... This is not just me that that's ever happened. You're too vague. Who were you having sex with and who did you wish it was? Excellent question, Sonia. Great instincts. I would like to answer that question, but I fear it would incriminate me. But isn't the question if you don't want to be...

Yes, that's why I want you to answer it. If you don't want to be having sex with them, why were you having sex with them? No, because, you know, sometimes... And I'm literally talking about an old relationship. Were you a prostitute? Being with someone... Of course, this is not going to paint me in a great light, but I'd like to think that this is relatable. I would love to think this is not going to paint me in a great light But I'd like to think that this is relatable

I would love to think this is relatable I am not Robinson Crusoe You mean like after a long time with the same person And their body doesn't seem interesting It's just like an extension of your own body But you can't, it has to go longer Yes, exactly Yes, I get it

So you're not talking about like a one night stand where you meet someone at the bar and you're like this isn't ideal but at the very least i'd be able to close my eyes and pretend it's someone else this isn't me being with a one night stand and like five minutes in going well i'm bored already by this new person i wish it was a different new person that wasn't five minutes old yeah no this is this is an old long gone relationship okay maybe this is a snapshot into why i'm no longer with them and how long into it were you doing this creative visualization and then how long did that period last before the relationship ended and it's so good to you know get josh thomas in after years and years really run out of the questions for him already

and be into who i was fantasizing about when I was 27 years old. Hey, look, if you're interviewing Bono and the aliens come midway through, you're going to turn your attention. I think Bono would be cool with it. Oh, God. All right, I'll put it out there for the sake of content. But don't judge me at home. I'll say stuff and people get stuck into me for whatever I say.

Yeah, but this is purely, this is the point in the show when someone hits us up on social media and goes yes thank you i've done that as well okay that's what this is for okay yep okay i'm just not working that hard mentally yes you know yeah yeah i agree i'm like kind of in'm kind of my work ethic that you were like so focused I just do it I don't know no you don't does that mean

you don't have that imagination or you don't need that imagination I don't know I don't know do you just like

all the people that you sleep with I just generally like yeah if you don't sleep with anyone you fucking hate that's absolutely not true you're just so horny that you can overlook that you're not particularly

into them i'm just thrilled just feel someone's touching it yeah i don't think i'd be visualizing anyone else i think at most i'd just be thinking of all the things i'm going to do afterwards you know i mean just like boy it'll be good when this is over and I can fire up the Nintendo Switch. Right, okay. You know, stuff of that nature. Really? It's like, God. Do girls have this at all?

Your mind wanders? Well, you need other stimuli or inspiration or... What? Like a to-do list? No, like, well, not like Tommymmy but more like mine are you are you um no not if i'm into the person yeah i guess yeah but i guess yeah if it's like if you're having sex with someone but there's someone else maybe that you're more into i see where you're coming from right yeah yes but doesn't it sort of like for a girl it's a bit easier because you don't have to like –

Yeah. You don't have to – Or you don't have to like keep an erection, you know. An erection of the penis. Oh, right. And kind of – Yeah, but you have to – I mean, you know, talking in heterosexual terms, you still have to be having sex with a man, which, I mean,

that's kind of okay, but not the best thing ever. No offense. Not taken at all. Yeah, but you don't need – You don't need your penis to stay hard. I don't need that. So that's kind of good. So you can just check out.

You don't have to stay too focused on the job at hand. Check out? I have a very good work ethic don't we out me as a dud root on your podcast no no no offense intended you know i guess i believe i'm taking that that plaque at the moment are you saying like if you check out you check out mentally mentally check out you just Mentally check out. You just like mind, like you said, mind wanders. Yeah. Like Josh at the moment who's put down his mic and walked away.

But are you saying if your mind wanders, your downstairs wanders as well? It could, yeah. It could. Yeah. I don't know. As a man, like Josh was saying, you know, you have to keep. You have to keep thinking about things. In a certain form.

And that's inspired by what's going on in your head. You have to keep thinking about things. In a certain form and that's inspired by what's going on in your head. You have to keep having sexy thoughts. Well, you can't be bored and it still works down there. Yeah, but you're – okay, I'm confused. I mean, you can't be thinking like, geez, I wonder what mum and dad are up to right now. I got you. I got you.

Yeah, yeah. Exactly. But why would that pop into your head? It does. Like, you know, you've seen TV, you know, cliche TV. TV? No, yeah. Exactly. But why would that pop into your head? It sort of does. Like, you know, you've seen TV, you know, cliche TV. TV? No, I haven't.

We pretend. I don't think it does, Carl. I don't think people are having sex and thinking about what their parents are up to. I think they're just looking at the… Yeah, you're looking at the person. Touching. You're like, that's a sexy person. This is cool. Or whatever. Still warm. that's a sexy person this is cool or whatever still warm that's a human

fingers crossed but it's a you know it can be a balancing act of of thinking of erotic enough stuff and then you know you've seen that thing on tv maybe where people where guys have been like i think unsexy thoughts to make sure you don't finish too quickly. There's a bit of a balancing act up there sometimes. Girls have got it easy, obviously. You don't have to balance anything. Oh, yeah, when it comes to sex. Now that's the pull quote.

Anyway, shout out to Mamma Mia when I get quoted on that. Can I just ask, not to focus too long on this four-second analogy that you threw out that's now, we've spent about ten minutes dissecting. Very nice. Were you visualising people from your real life or were these like pie-in-the-sky celeb kind of fantasies? I don't think I have that sort of imagination. As in, so people you knew?

Yes. Right, okay. You're not like, imagine if this was Angelina Jolie. No, no, no. You've got to be realistic. Exactly. In that situation. Exactly.

You don't want to bum yourself out mid-anxiety. Yeah, yeah. It's excess. Even in my own brain, you know, I've got to give myself, I've got to be realistic, even in a fantasy. Right. Yeah, I can't be like, yeah, no way. I wouldn't be able to finish to anyone who's been on TV.

Exes is a weird one. I've had this discussion with friends where they're like, do you ever think about people you were with when you're taking care of yourself or whatever? And it's like, that's kind of a bit, I don't know, that's kind of a bit bleak to me. What do you mean? So people talking about the idea of when they're masturbating. Yes. bleak to me. What do you mean? So people talking about the idea of when they're masturbating and they're just thinking about times that they like times that they were with exes

or like using that as a visualisation. I think that is kind of a bit depressing. You're living in the past. You've got to look to the future. It's a bit of a clip show. It's a bit of a bit of which is, you know, this is good times. I find that more with that i

find that more erotic than that's realistic you're remembering a good pleasurable time yeah yeah yeah but i don't because then it's like and if you really enjoy it it's like well that's over i'm never you know that's never gonna happen so it makes you sad yeah let me ask you this though when um are you ever happy when you're jerking off though? Aren't you just always sad? The very beginning. Like this is great. And then halfway through it's like, oh boy. And then the very end.

Is that real? I've heard people say this. I don't believe it. I don't believe it either. No one's getting sad when they're drunk. Really? I don't believe it either. Yeah.

You shouldn't be sad. Isn't there like a chemical thing where like at the end you're just like. I've heard guys say a lot that when they finish they're sad. Yeah. Which doesn't make sense because it's a good thing to do. Yeah. I don't get it either. I'm like, that's a thing that happens that physically drives the right chemicals to your brain to be like, that was good.

And then people are like, I'm sad. Why are you sad? It's not a big deal. It's like having lunch. You know what I mean? There's no emotion. Well, we're in here at 2 p.m lunch. You know what I mean? It's like there's no emotion. Well, I mean. Well, we're in here at 2 p.m.

So we know what you were doing before we came in. It's just not. I don't get any feelings afterwards. Yeah, it's negative. Yeah. Yeah, that's good. You're healthy. All positive, really.

Sexually healthy. Yeah. Carl, do you do the creative visualization when you're jerking off? Just imagine that you're Jon Hamm jerking his dick instead. Oh, no. Keep it realistic. No. God, I'm bored of my own dick.

Is Jon Hamm who heterosexual men think is you? Is hot, yeah. Yeah, I think so. Okay, I don't know. It hasn't come up to me ever. Oh, really? No, Jon Hamm doesn't come up. Who should we be thinking?

Yeah. Gays like Ezra Millow, like Timothee Chalamet, or like, I guess the Hemsworths. Okay. Probably come up a bit more than Jon Hamm. Yeah, right. Yeah. Maybe Jon Hamm's more of a heterosexual woman fantasy.

Yeah, I think women like Jon Hamm. Sonia, yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I don't know who Jon Hamm is. Oh, really? Mad Men. Mad Men. Yeah, okay. I think women like Jon Hamm. Sonia, yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I don't know who Jon Hamm is. Oh, really? Mad Men.

Mad Men. Yeah, okay. I think I like Mad Men. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did you have sex with any celebrities in LA?

Oh, great segue. Love this. Absolutely love this. Let's just give the podcast over to Sonia. She's better at this than we are. That's great. Sorry, I didn't want to interrupt Tommy talking about jerking off. Please continue.

I'll circle back around. I'll find a way. Oh, you're thinking. Obviously. Are you thinking about whether you had sex or who qualifies as a celebrity or whether we would know? I'm trying to think of it. I don't think I have.

I imagine it's a pretty wide net in LA. Like, would you class an online influencer? I chalked off a YouTuber and a toilet at a lesbian night. Oh, hell yeah. Big YouTuber. Big YouTuber. Yeah, right. And then he...

Keyboard cat? Fuck, I was trying to think of one and you got it. And then we were messaging, we're going to hang out again. And then he sent me my Instagram and he said is this you and I said yes and then he never messaged me again oh great

I know he hates my show or something but then I was like wait did we just did I just jerk you off in the toilet because you thought I was cute probably yeah

I thought he liked my show that's good that's why but then he found out I had a show and he binned me so that's more offensive to you that he just thought you were cute

than no it was thrilling I was like because of my face me. So that's more offensive to you that he just thought you were cute? No, it was thrilling. I was like, because of my face? That's not what we... Oh, right. Yeah, usually because they like my personality. But he just across the bar thought, yeah, I'll jerk him off. What style of YouTuber are we talking?

Like little sketches or online gaming? I've never watched his videos. No, I'm not out there on YouTube watching these. I mean, if he was here, we would hate it. Does someone just straight up go, is that their intro in a place like LA? Like, what do you do? Yeah, I'm a YouTuber.

Someone told me he was a YouTuber. So what always happens is you meet someone. I never know who they are. I've never known. I don't know who anybody is. And then I'll walk away and they'll say, you know, he's a YouTuber and he's got like this many subscribers. And then you're like, okay. Right.

Right. Yeah. And then you're like, great. I got that story for a podcast, I guess. That's the only real difference. So you're always having conversations with them. Then they walk away and people scurry over and tell you about them Yep

Right So you reckon the YouTuber is the most famous hookup you've had in LA? No one from old school Tom Ballard Okay Yeah Friend of the show Hey Tom

How you doing? That's it really End of list End of list That's it, really? End of list. End of list. That's a pretty sad list. No offense. I kissed Joel Creasy once. Oh, here we go.

In LA? That's good stuff. Just a while ago. I don't know. At some point, just in the wash. I don't know. Something happened. I can't remember.

You don't have the memory through visualizing it through the X's, Rolodex, when you're masturbating, obviously. They're just gone. You don't need to liken back to that. No. You sure you weren't thinking of Joel Creasy when you kissed Tom? I remember us kissing for a bit and then looking at each other and going like, nah.

Back to reality. And that's it. That's all my celebrities right what about you son yeah did i have sex with any celebs in la no tom ballard no no i didn't have sex with tom ballard when i was in la to be clear when i was 19 oh yeah oh i meant la because you know celebrity anyway la is fucking weird i was there like a few years ago. I had an experience. Have you seen in movies where like you're with like a group of people going into a club and like the people walk in and then the bouncer like shuts the rope on someone? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I had that experience in LA. They shut the rope on you? Yeah. And I was like, oh, no, I'm with them. And it was kind of like, yeah. That's weird for a girl because girls are worth like triple points in nightclubs. Well, it wasn't a nightclub. That's not a nice thing to say.

That doesn't make her feel better. Yeah. I'm like, I'm very ugly for LA. Let's be real. Let's be realistic. I'm like even average for Melbourne. What was the bar? So it wasn't even a bar.

It was a pool party. I'd met these strangers on the street. Was it the rope or was it one of those little gates? Oh, yeah. And you were like three and you couldn't figure out how to open the gate. They wouldn't let me down the slip and slide. Yeah, just a big sign that says we don't swim in your toilet so don't piss in our pool just coming straight out. So you, hang on,

you met strangers on the street. Yeah, I was walking down some lovely street in LA and there was a group, there was a few guys and a girl and they had a dog and this guy started chatting, one of them started chatting to me What time of night is this? What time of day? It was during the day. It was probably like 2pm

and he's like, oh hey, we're going to the den or something, the drinky place for Bloody Marys. Do you want to come? And I was like 2 p.m and he's like oh hey we're going to the den or something the drinky place uh bloody mary's do you want to come and i was like just a person a girl by themselves yeah he just started chatting to me saying something about his dog whatever and i felt okay because it was like a group of people with girls yeah i'm like yeah cool so we went there and we're like doing shots at like yeah 2 30 p.m or whatever and then they're like oh we're gonna try and get into this pool party at the roosevelt hotel okay do you want to come to that i'm like yes i will continue with you group of strangers where were you going at two

o'clock in the afternoon nowhere just no no no i didn't have i was like just traveling a bit in the states i was just like had a bit in the States. I was just like had a loose schedule. At that pool party, you have to like send your Instagram beforehand and they like pick you up your Instagram. It's like the place that like. Right. Yeah. I didn't know.

I was just like, yeah, I'll come to a fucking pool. It's like they're trying to do like the typical. I went to that place and I ordered these drinks and then they included service charge and then there was a um an admin fee on top of the drinks that's not a thing you don't charge an admin fee at the party no i wasn't at that party i never went to that i was like they're on like a tuesday i like the hotel don't worry i didn't get let in don't worry they didn't let me in they didn't let you in but anyway we went down there and it was insane so there was like a huge line to get into this party like you would see at the

front of a nightclub except that people were wearing like there were women and women in like bikinis and like heels and like full makeup yeah yeah and there were dudes have your line up while you're wearing bikini yeah they should just get you straight in. There should be a bikini line. You really want to swim. And there were guys who literally looked like they were like born and then they started working out and then they went to line up in this fucking pool party. Like that's all they'd ever done.

And so one guy was like so desperate to get in with our group. He's like, I'm just going to jump the fence. So he left and went and jumped some fence. The other two guys i was with they're like oh there's a huge line we don't know if they will let us in but they knew that if you were a guest at the hotel you could automatically go into the pool with a plus one so they're like oh why don't we just book a room and split it great and get let into this hotel so they booked a room together which was 500 a night so they paid 250 each right to get in and i was at that point i was like yeah to go to the fucking local pool. I was like, oh, this is getting a bit too fucking LA for me. Where's the dog at the moment as well?

The dog? I don't remember. I don't know. If the dog got let in in front of you, that's no good. Maybe it did. What dog? When was there a dog? There was a dog with it.

Yeah, remember? Oh, that was the guy who went to jump the fence. Oh, he jumped the fence with a dog? I don't know what happened to that guy. Sonia's never thought about this that the dog is just mia in the story at some point got hit by a car while the dog died along the way it wasn't even their dog they just picked up a stray dog to lure girls away to make well i would be surprised but anyway i was like yeah i'm gonna go it's gonna be weird but one of the guys is like

nah come on you're with us you know we get plus ones blah blah so yeah we're walking past this line i'm feeling you know pretty good because i'm walking up past all these like super hot people like gonna be let in and um the two guys just like walk ahead and the bouncer like i'm pretty like i'm not a very assertive person so i'm just like whatever and then the bouncer just like shuts the rope on me and I'm just like, oh, I'm with the, you know. So you're the last member of the party? You're the last person?

It was just me and two guys at this point. And so they went in and I was like, okay. I'm like, I'll just wait here for a bit. I'm sure they'll be, okay i'm gonna go um and so they're so they're straight through they went are they doing that thing where they're not looking back no they're not looking back right they're not looking back so i was there for like so now it's just 3 30 and you're fucked off your head and i waited for a uh non-sad amount of time there yeah and then i was like, you know what?

Thinking about other parties you could get into? Well, I was like, there was a fucking pool at my hotel. I'm going to go back there. So I went there. It was just me and just some German family in the pool. Yep. No line. No fucking entry fee.

And that was fun. A drunk Australian just half drowning in the pool. It was so weird. They had like this dad. It was so funny. The dad was like going like, beep, beep, beep, flipper, flipper, like pretending to be a flipper in the pool.

I found it very amusing. Of course you found it very amusing. You were off your fucking head at this point. Yeah. That was crazy though. And LA is like, well, that was crazy though and la is like well that place is like i think the most like yeah yeah they really lean into that yeah i don't that's not a fun party to be at no those parties all feel like you're like a function that's you know they feel like

you're like a pre-show i don't know what it's like inside. I didn't get in. We've been together to LA a few times and we're always like, oh, LA, you know, Hollywood and this is exciting and stuff and then we get there and realise, oh, it's fun if you know people and you can go to parties and stuff. It's not if you're just walking around

with vagrants on the street. No. We stay in this disgusting motel on Sunset. We eat every meal at Wendy's in In-N-Out. Yeah, yeah. We don't know anyone so we get the absolute worst. We're like if homeless people

moved to Hollywood. Yeah. We get the exact same experience as them. No car, walking everywhere. Yeah, yeah, exactly. People are like,

what are you fucking doing? You've got to walk for fucking hours to get in In-N-Out. Yeah, exactly. For some reason we don't even know how to get a cab over there

but we just walk everywhere. What's the worst? You use Uber now, right? It's like an app. Well, we haven't been there for a few years. I haven't either. Next time, though, I'll write down that tip.

Yeah. There's some pretty cool pool parties just for next time. If you can't get in, I'm sure we'll be right in. Yeah. Let's split a room at the Roosevelt. Man. How insane is that? I would do that, I have to say.

If I'm that set on it and I'm in the line. Because then also you get to stay in this cool hotel at the end of it. I don't think they were going to stay there. Well, I mean, that's on there. They just wanted to get into the party. That's crazy. But you feel like it's like, if I think any party, we literally have not been to one party in LA,

but I feel like going to LA, you need to see at least one. Yeah, one crazy thing. Jerk off one YouTuber. Yeah. Just something. Some sort of star. I want to be involved in the star system in some way like someone we came back from la one of those times and i think we're i was

on a bus tour and i didn't see any celebrities but then someone said they they think they saw vivica a fox and i was like well that'll be my story when i get home that's who i saw i didn't even see her you didn't someone next to me thought they saw her. That's pretty incredible. And I don't even really know who she is. I saw Cameron Diaz and- I saw Cameron Diaz. Yeah.

Yeah, I had a look at her. She came to sit around. Yeah. Yeah. And Katie Holmes. Oh, that's two great guests. That's crazy. That's pretty awesome.

My friend was there for a week. She saw Kristen Wiig, Reese Witherspoon, and one of the Kardashian adjacents. That's good. That's a good get. It's a good trifecta. Is there regulars? Is there people that you see around? I don't know who these people are, man.

Someone's always taps me and goes like, that's... Right, yeah. When I first went to LA... That's the guy who saw Vivica Aethel. That's a PewDiePie. Putting myself out there. I would end up places, Baxter,

and like you would go out. And once I accidentally went to Kristen Wiig's birthday party, I didn't know until I walked in. Great. Who Kristen Wiig was. And then I was like, oh, they're those girls from Bridesmaids.

And then there was Amy Poehler, Lorne Michaels. Oh, wow. I think, I think Judd Apatow. It just went on. Like it was just this room,

but it was like not, it was like very private party at like 2.30 a.m. when everyone was kind of tired just sitting around. Right. And I just sat in the corner terrified. Wow.

I wasn't meant to be there. Do you reckon anyone was like, there's that guy that jerked off that YouTuber. I'm a YouTuber joker. Did he film it by the way? Is that on his site now? Is that jerked her off. Did he film it, by the way? Is that on his site now? I hope so. I'd love the clicks.

Is that Celebrity Red Tuber? Yeah. Did he come and then go, don't forget to like, comment and subscribe? I think the closest I've come to any kind of interesting celeb thing in LA is I did a gig at the Laugh Factory at 2am in the morning and was on stage going.

I was there. I was there for. No, you left before my spot. I was there about three hours before and then I went home. Yeah, I kept getting bumped in the lineup. Oh, wow. And at a certain point, Carl's just like, I can't do this anymore, man. I'm out of here.

And then I just sit there. I was there for your support, but I did it about an hour or two and I was like, I can't do anymore. I was there for another two hours and like, honestly, the most impressive thing about it was me going, this is where it happened. The famous Kramer meltdown. Yeah. I'm treading the exact same boards as in that video that I watched.

And I'm doing the exact same set. Yeah. That was like the closest I've come to like that, that, those floors, that stage that he stood on is a celebrity to me. That's like, that's like me being out in the middle of the MCG or something like that. You're on the hallowed turf. Yeah, exactly. That's cool.

Seinfeld's a funny show. I watched every episode of Seinfeld this year. Really? Every single episode. Have you never seen it before? I've seen it. You've seen it, yeah. Watch it again.

Did you get the nice point where you got an episode you've never seen yeah yeah a bunch of them i haven't seen oh great i got on the streak with that recently where i was like i keep putting it on just because it's on free to air here when i'm cooking dinner and like keep saying like fuck i've never seen this one before it's so funny that show it's the best so many apps it is it's very good everyone's all talking about you know whatever this new show is all year. Everyone's like, have you seen this? Have you seen this?

Have you seen this? I'm just watching Seinfeld. I completely agree. No, you're not. Yeah. Kramer's funny. He walks through that door funny. I'm Kramer.

You're right. It's funny. Yeah, classic catchphrase is, I'm Kramer. And then Elaine pushes someone. It's good, man. I like it. No, it's solid, man. Yeah. Jason Alexander's coming man. I like it. No, it's solid, man.

Jason Alexander's coming out here and doing shows. And I'm thinking, I think I'm going to go. I think I have to go. Yeah. I don't think it'd be particularly great, maybe. He'll do a bit of George, right? He's got to. He's just that kind of guy. He does a Q&A and all that kind of shit.

So it'd just be questions that he'd been asked a million times, but he'd have good anecdotes for, you'd imagine. But how do you do an impression of George? As him, what does he say? Hey, I'm George. Hi, Georgie. Well, he can't do, hey, it's Kramer, because that's someone else's catchphrase.

Yeah. But what does George say? Serenity now. What's Serenity now? George is getting frustrated. Yeah, George is getting frustrated. Okay, he can do that. He could come.

His entrance onto the stage could be he comes running onto the stage with his pants around his ankles like he's just been in the toilet. Remember when Jerry's answering the phone and he's meant to say that it's Vandalay Industries? You need to direct his show. You should be directing the show.

I should. I should be working on this with him. Yeah. The art of the stagecraft. Did you watch every episode of Seinfeld this year? How do you remember all this? I watch a lot of it, yeah. It's on every night.

Back here. On every night? Yeah. Two episodes back to back. First you're catching a taxi and now you're watching something that's on every night. Get the internet. You've got to get the internet, man. It's good.

And you're imagining sex. Stop using your imagination. How am I more old school than you? You've just spent all year watching Seinfeld Yeah, but on Netflix or something I didn't wait till 6.30pm I didn't watch ads for KFC in the middle I paid $8

But it's more of like the thrill of the hunt You find a great show on TV It's like, man, this is cool I think of free to air as like the shuffle function of the streaming services you know someone's just decided

what episode of Seinfeld I'm going to watch this night Netflix jukebox otherwise I'm paralysed by choice it's so sad man it's so sad that you're watching

free to air television 8 minutes of ads every half hour you are going to die yeah one day that's true and you're going to

spend all that time. I feel really sad about it. You need to spend a quarter of the time watching products that I don't have. I feel you're being productive in the ad breaks. Yeah, doing little bits of tidying. I feel like I'm not wasting my time if I watch Free to Air because it's on anyway.

I'm just walking past. I'm busy. I'm on the way to something else. I'm busy. I'm on the way to something else. I'm busy. I'm doing other things. Whereas if I sit down and plug in Netflix, I'm committing to that and I should be working. I should be doing something else. But if I happen to walk past the TV and catch 22 minutes of a Seinfeld episode, hey, that's

accidental. Life's about the journey. It's a bad journey. Life's about the journey It's a bad journey It is very funny to be making a living from a podcast Like a very in many ways cutting edge piece of technology And then be on it going Haggard's free to air

Well what's worse is What's your favourite bit of Seinfeld everyone? People could be watching Seinfeld instead of listening to fucking this It is a funny show They should It's a funny show man I'm giving it up to you It's good It is a funny show. They should. It's a funny show, man. I'm giving it up to you. It's good.

It is good. It is funny. Especially, it's surprising how there's not too many bits of it that don't hold up in terms of like culturally. A lot of homophobia in there. I kind of like it though. It takes me back. Friends is pretty bad.

Is there homophobia in Seinfeld? There's a lot of like, even like you watch comedians and guys getting coffee and jerry's like oh he owns a small dog i wonder what that means and he's just like obsessed he's like all like salivating that maybe this man yeah yeah has done something a little feminine and he's like oh it's like it gets all like weird this weird energy about i think you're right i think there's more in it there there. He's become a cranky old man than there was in the show. Watching Jerry Seinfeld talk to a girl is

one of the most uncomfortable things. I just like... He treats them like aliens. He's like, so what do you like? And then a boy comes in and he's like, oh, normal. Right. Normal-ish. Normal-ish. Have you seen that one with him and Elaine or Julia Louis-Dreyfus as she's known? In the real world. right right normalish normalish have you seen that one with him and elaine or julia louis

dreyfus as she's known in the real world as she's known her other credit the one with um sarah silverman and she's like she's saying something about like oh i hate it when you go out with a friend and you you're out for lunch or whatever and they're rude to the waiters it's just so uncomfortable and blah blah and jerry's like yeah i know and in my head i'm like he would definitely be rude she's talking about you jerry yeah jerry's in seinfeld this show that i really like i don't know yeah yeah yeah he does he does a stand-up routine he plays seinfeld he does a stand-up routine about um the long judo touch and ads and then all the fabrics have blood on it.

Have you ever noticed this? Why are all these people needing to wash blood out of their clothes? Jerry Seinfeld, you fucking idiot. It's vaginas. It's vaginas, Jerry. I don't think he knows. To be fair, I didn't know until you said that then.

It's vaginas. Now I know. Yeah, they're washing blood out because girls, they bleed in their stuff. It's vaginas. Now I know. Yeah, they're washing her blood out because girls, they bleed in their stuff. He should know that. He dated a 17-year-old. Yeah.

Did he? He had a 17-year-old girlfriend. Was she 17 or 16? She was 17. She was pretty young. Nah. He was in his 30s. He was 39 or something.

Yeah, he's not a good guy. He's not a good guy. That would have made a good episode. The episode where Jerry and George discover the existence of the period. The period. She bled, Jerry. She bled.

She bled. Did you punch her down there? Just thinking, like, we've done it again. Another cutting-edge take on society from the bigwigs down at Seinfeld that are coming out and everyone going, what the fuck is this? That one will be scrubbed from the record. No earrings on 10 Peach of that one.

Yeah, yeah, not at 6.30, not when I'm cooking dinner anyway. On 10 Peach? 10 Peach. It's not even on the mainline channel 10. That's what annoys me. It's on one of their digital-only stations. This is getting even sadder. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ranking the sub-channels. Well, what about your new TV show, Josh? Yeah. Good? Will people 20 years from now be going, you know what's good? Josh's show. I would be surprised.

You'd be surprised? Yeah. You haven't written it in a way that it's going to hold up in 20 years time just a lot of very off the zeitgeist yeah

that's what I would say hot right now but 20 years time it'll be cancelled there's just so many shows you know yeah yeah nothing's going to

last that long anymore yeah I mean apart from Mad Men apparently in Tommy's memory the legacy of John Hampton

yeah you should book your TV show in for 10 peach like for 20 years time I mean, apart from Mad Men, apparently. Probably his memory. The legacy of Jon Hamm's attractiveness. You should book your TV show in for 10 peach, like for 20 years' time. Just make the booking now. Forget about where it's going. You know that's not how it works, right? You know I don't call them and say, you give me money and you put the show on. They have to want it.

It doesn't work like that now, but if you started doing that, you could. Well, someone does call, but they try and book it for salad. I'm just looking after you. I just want to make sure you're in work. This is like a superannuation idea for you. Yeah. Yeah.

The media landscape's changing, man. You've got to be thinking about different ways to approach these. 20 years ago, the idea of you saying how stupid is it to watch free-to-air, that was a silly idea. Now, yeah. Yeah. Just DM at Channel 10. Hey, I got this show.

You guys interested? Yeah. 20.39, can I book in a spot? 6.30 at night. I reckon 7.30. 7.30? You go 7.30, yeah. What difference is it going to make?

It's going to make a huge difference. The world's going to be ended, you know? Now, this is what I'm interested about. So it's going to make a huge difference the world's going to be ended you know this is what now this is what I'm interested about so it's called everything's going to be okay right

so when's it when's it come out in Australia next year 2020 it's not announced yet it's not announced yet yeah yeah right

okay well I thought I had the scoop what was the scoop no I was just going to get the date out of you but do you care we don't have to talk about it

no no I want to ask one thing the scoop from you on this episode is that it's not as good as Seinfeld. We've got that. We've got a nice little... It's not as good as Seinfeld. If it was as good as Seinfeld, I wouldn't be here. Oh my god.

When Seinfeld before the first episode came out, he probably did bad PR. He probably did the 35-year-old version of whatever the fuck we are. Community radio. Yeah, community radio. Hey, man, I play the bass.

If you want to get me in to do the theme song, give it a bit of that Seinfeld flavour. Do you really play the bass? Can you play the theme song? To Seinfeld? I can play a little bit of it. God, if I could play the bass theme song to Seinfeld, that's all I'd do.

That's all you'd do? That's your equivalent of if you could suck your dick. If I could play the bass, I'd play Seinfeld all day. I got a bit removed so I could play Seinfeld on bass. Why can you only play a little bit? It's pretty hard. It is pretty tricky. Is it?

Yeah. I don't need to suck my own dick because I'm a gay man. You know what I mean? I've never got that one either. Anyway, if you could suck your own dick, you would do it all day. I don't get it. Sorry, who's saying that? People.

That's a common phrase around town. That's another thing that people say. I would do it all day. I don't get it. Sorry, who's saying that? People do. That's a common phrase around town. That's another thing that people say. I would do it all day. Yeah. Really? All day. Well, I wouldn't leave the house. That's what people say, isn't it?

I'd do it until 6.30 when Seinfeld starts, and then I'd have an hour's break, and then I'd be back into it. Yeah. It's like a thing where when you're a kid, it's like, oh, imagine being with this girl, this girl. And then when you become an adult, someone starts saying, what if you could suck your own dick that would

be amazing it's like i don't get it i wouldn't do that it's like when you're a kid you think when you grow up you're gonna just eat candy all day yeah you grow up and you're like actually that's too much candy on top of that so i'd like to meet a friend and get them to do it yeah yes because that's way better like if you suck your own dick all day it's like cool you're getting your dick sucked all day but you're the one sucking you're gonna work you're gonna fucking work hard like why is that the fantasy and i have to work yeah also you're missing a lot of um appointments and uh yeah don't this podcast sometimes feels like we're doing that but in your show josh yeah this is what i'm interested in. The one thing, if you'll let me, the one question about you,

I know you've banned us from talking about it apparently. We can talk about it. I just don't care about it. I don't feel obliged. I care about one thing. Yeah. So you play a 25-year-old. Well, I don't really.

This is what's so annoying. It's been annoying me. Because I, you know i like the show took longer to make we i pitched the show when i was 30 as being 25 and i think that was okay and then now i'm 32 and it's too old but they put it in the press release and i keep emailing them and saying please take this out please take this out this is humiliating in the show we never say my age but that's what i was gonna ask you because i'm like in the press it's like 25 year old character and it's like

when in the show is that an integral part where you pull up your birth certificate or is there a lot of references to hey only three more of these and i get a telegram from the queen or those blubs suck man because you can't doesn't sound good no show sounds good in that blub so they just want to find some facts they went with my age which is not my real age and it's embarrassing play younger all the time like 90210 they'll play teenagers but they were in their 30s yeah as well but i look 50 i think you could pass for 25 yeah i try not to specify the age but it does it actually does come up in the show like surreptitiously.

Like I'll say to a character like when you were seven, you know, I saw you do this and I was doing this. Right. All the lines where you're like, I wasn't alive

when 9-11 happened. Yeah. Something like that. Yeah. What an alibi. Yeah. I didn't do 9-11, Carl. I didn't say you did.

You've got a good alibi. I didn't do it. You've proved it. I'd be dead. That's my alibi. I'm here. Well, in the show, that's your alibi. But in real life, you're 32, so you could have.

No, but if I did 9-11, I'd be dead. They're dead. Aren't they? Yeah, they died doing it, Carl. Apparently. Well, someone gave those orders for those guys to get on that plane. So, you know know they could still be they could still be alive

seems unlikely it was me though doesn't it even still to be honest I wouldn't know who a major suspect is so you're as good

as suspect Bin Laden I don't know if you know about this guy I haven't looked into it to be fair this guy

he's out there well he's not anymore yeah he's not anymore that's what you wanted to know how old I am in the show that's the big question.

Yeah. It took you 10 minutes to ask me that question. I just wondered why it was to change from 32 to 25. I was like, is this purely like a vain thing or where does this pay off? When you pitch a show on a network, you've got to tell them the age of the characters because they care about demographics, right? Right. So that becomes like a part of the pitch. And somewhere along the way they had that in their like internal

documents and then they put it into an external document and then i said please don't put this in the external document and i'm glad you agree with me and then that's just what's happened great okay we got to get the listeners to get onto your wikipedia and change your age on there to be 25 yeah i don't want people to think I'm 25. I was all for a 29. That's common, though. People play characters a lot younger. Yeah, it's fine.

I don't think it's a big deal. I don't know why I'm going to yell at that about it. I can't. But it's not a big enough age gap. It's like, oh, you're 35, but you could play a 33. What are you talking about? You're coming at this from the point of view of people knowing me or anything about me. And it's just trying to say this is a show about a 25-year-old.

Right. It's not saying... Yeah, yeah. No, I just wondered. Were you saying I could play 33? How old are you? Or I could play 25? How old are you?

34. Yeah, yeah. Sure. You could play 25. 25? Yeah. You could play 25. I don't know.

I don't know how old people are anymore. You know, I feel like when I was't know how old people are anymore you know I feel like when I was like 15, 16, 17 you could look at people and go I know your date of birth within I reckon 3 or 4 months

right and now it's like are you 21 or 34 I don't know I fucking lost it what about me guys what age could I play oof

um you got range yeah you do yeah yeah you do 8 cause you're safe 8

you could play a really sick 8 or a really sick 35 year old You've got range. Yeah, you do. You do. Eight. Because you're safe. You could play a really sick eight or a really sick 35-year-old. Yeah, really sick 35-year-old. Let's say I'm only interested in playing healthy people. Then what age am I looking at? Well, I think we'll keep looking, actually. Healthy 60. Thanks for coming in. They loved you. the client loved you are we basing it on like your face or your size uh oh do you often look at people's size and and and

date them is that is that what do you mean you mean like a big person yeah yeah really i mean if they're really big what do you think they're younger or older? You only use size when they're between zero and 15 probably. Yeah, alright. Alright, you got me. So are you talking about

the size of someone and go, you must be 51 because you're big. But are you talking about how when people get a lot older then they start shrinking? Are you saying

I could pass for someone that's at that age? Oh, it's on the way back down. Yeah, bad posture. I feel like you keep pitching 60. Do you want us to say 60? Is that what you want? Yeah, you could play 60.

Yeah, I'm trying to get in front of it. You've been to too many auditions for 32-year-olds and not got them and you're like, fuck it, I'm just going to move up to 60. I went for an audition for an ad the other day and I didn't read the brief properly until the morning of. And I look at it and it's like, yeah, this guy's, like, just gotten out of bed. He's got very long hair.

It's very tussled because he's just woken up. And so I emailed them and went, I've just properly read this and I had to break it to you. Is it really worth me coming in? And they're like, I think she didn't want to be rude and go, oh, yeah, no baldies, thanks. Right. And she's like, no, no, no, come in. And I go in. I'm like, there's absolutely no chance.

Like, I go in and she's like, so just pretend you've got hair and just be like, oh, no. You know, ruffling it up. I'm like, this is the most humiliating experience of my entire life. Pretend to be ruffling your hair. Mime hair. What was the ad for? Shampooed?

Shampooed. Ashley Mun Martin. No, it was for Baker's Delight. Why did you need long hair? Because you just meant to have gotten out of bed and thought like... That's bad. Your hair will go in the bread. God, I could go a bap roll right now. Ashley and Martin or whatever it is, one of the hair growth companies.

Now, they've got ads on TV where people are like saying, oh, yeah, and then someone said, oh, you're losing your hair, and then that was it for me, and then now I got the hair put in. Those people in the ads are not balding. No. And they do not have hair transplant. No shit. What?

No, they're not. Yeah. Well, is that a common known thing? I don't know. Do you think they haven't had a hair transplant? Sorry? Why do you think they haven't had a hair transplant? Because some of the people I know who they are and then I found out.

It looks very obvious. And I found out that I know someone who cast the people I know who they are. And then I found out. It looks very obvious. And I found out that I know someone who cast the people. And I said to them, do they have hair transplants? And they're like, absolutely not. We wanted them to look like they had good hair. Yeah, right. So those people on there are lying. It's supposed to look like a real testimonial.

And they're actors. But that's always been the way with weight loss stuff as well. Yeah, but you can't have fake weight loss. I feel like you're like a Disney princess trying to mingle in the modern world. Yeah. It's very naive. Advertising lies to us. Carl's a little mermaid finally walking around on land going,

geez, it's weird up here. No, but that's beyond the pale. That's too much on advertising. That's too much. It is. I mean... That's where I'm drawing the line. But I think we all accept

that the weight loss before and after things are like fate. They're like different people. Oh, what? Are they? I think so. Different people? I think so.

That's a thing that... No, because celebrities do them and stuff. And you clearly know... I want one example of there being a weight loss before and after and they're different people. You see them online all the time where people notice it's like, this is clearly just a different person. I want an example.

I've never seen this and now I fucking will not rest until I see it. Wow, we're blowing Carl's mic on this episode. Absolutely. That's insane. These people should be in jail. Wow. This is why you watch free-to-air television. You think every ad is a mini-documentary

and you're, like, really expanding your mind. I thought Seinfeld was a reality show. Yeah. Coke is summer. Well, now I know. Yeah. I do like those ads where it's, like, someone to camera going, like, this is the, you know, I use this super fund

and it's the best and, like, underneath they have to put, like, small text, this is a paid actor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They did not use this super fund at all. Individual best and like underneath they have to put like small text this is a paid actor yeah yeah yeah they did not use this super individual results at all yeah yeah i feel like that's an assumed thing i just am very i'm very shocked at this example i don't know why i accept everything else but this one thing i won't accept right well if the hair grew back and it looked good once it does with Ashley and Martin treatment, well, then you wouldn't need to show people with real hair because it would be so good that you could put those people in the ads.

Is that what you're saying? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, exactly what I'm saying. Yeah, I agree. There should be a drawn-out ad process, though, so they have to get them in when they first start going and they have to start doing it before stuff and then wait for a little bit.

They would have heaps of ads, heaps of clients. Yeah, but that's my point. Like, it's an ad for that product, right? in when they first start going and they have to do stuff and wait for a little bit of clients yeah but but that's my point like it's an ad for that product right so you put the people with that product on their head in the ad you don't have a car ad and then go anyway buy our cars and then you put a fucking bike on the screen it's a different product in the ad it's the wrong product it's a bit like you with your creative visualisation during sex. It's a different product you're thinking of. I'm glad I'm finally one you all around

100%. You need to take them down. Yes. Josh, you've talked about this publicly that you've had a hair transplant. Two. Two? What? Wow. You should be in the ad. Get me in the ad. Give me the money. Yeah, your hair looks good. Not in the ad. Get me in the ad. Give me the money. Yeah, your hair looks good. Not in the wind.

We usually do do these episodes outdoors in a park. Yeah. I wouldn't have. It's to be indoors. I wouldn't have to come inside. Yeah. I have to have that conversation. This ad, they wanted to photograph me upside down.

I was like, guys, I'm happy to do it, but you need to know you're not going to want to. You're not going to like it. Now I want to see. What are you advertising? Upside down. I was like, guys, I'm happy to do it, but you need to know you're not going to want to. You're not going to like it. Now I want to see what are you advertising? What are you advertising when you're upside down? Who's wanted to do the poster

upside down? Our lives have been turned upside down. 25 year old upside down. I was like, if you want to sell the 25 aspect, get me upright. That's something you want to lead with. Right. Inside, standing up. Right.

Tommy, you should get a wig. Topping. Maybe I'll, yeah, if I just committed to a wig. Yeah. Well, the reason I bring it up is because I had a conversation a while ago with a comedian friend and we were talking about, we were talking about just me being bald and like the idea of the hair transplant in general. And we were also talking about the kind of the hair transplant in general and we were also

talking about the kind of insane things that we've pulled off with this podcast in regards to fundraisers and you know our overseas podcast festivals

Since the last time we saw you Josh we've had three podcast festivals in Thailand that we ran ourselves and dragged people over to so yeah

we haven't seen you for a fair while and we've done a lot of fucking stupid things. Did you do anything creepy in Thailand? No. My dad lives in Bangkok. Oh, really?

Yeah. I go there a lot. Sometimes I just seem suspicious. Yeah. Oh, you should see my passport. I've been there like 15, 16 times. It doesn't look good. It really doesn't look good.

I like Thailand a lot. It's really fun. Yeah. I looked through my emails to find your address to hit you up about doing this while you're in town, Josh. And the last correspondence we had was from a few years ago. It was me asking you if you could come and do a live show. And you said, oh, I'd love to, but I'm flying out to Thailand that day. And I was like, oh, just a dagger through the great man's heart.

We could have probably done one over there. We were probably there at the same time. Maybe. But anyway, this person was saying to me, you know, the insane thing is if you got on the podcast and talked about how you wanted to raise money from the listeners to have a hair transplant, the fucked thing about your life is it probably would happen.

Is that what you're doing now? Are you trying to raise money for a hair transplant? I'm just putting it out into the world because I am fascinated by the idea. Don't use Ashley and Martin. Are they bad? Or they lie? Make them give you one proper example first. it out into the world because i am i am fascinated by the idea don't use ashley and martin are they bad oh they lie yeah make them give you one proper example first yeah okay yeah so i just get to show i go in i'm like i want to shadow someone for a year yeah and actually watch this process like a police lineup where they just pull them all out and they have to stand in a line and have to be

real ones and then you point at the one you want yeah yeah yeah that's pretty good yeah depends how much hair you've got left over though what do you mean why do you know i'd like you gotta have a bit of hair there already oh right okay they can't do a whole head yeah i think i'm too far gone i can't see there's a hat oh yeah yeah very perceptive okay yeah well speaking of jason alexander earlier he's's a weird one where he comes and goes from it. You know, sometimes he does talk shows and he's got the really like spray painted on. Does he? Yeah.

I haven't seen that. His last show was like about him getting a wig. Oh, really? Yeah. It was like, I got a wig. That's the name of the show. And he was walking around with this wig. Yeah, when he toured Australia.

Oh. And he was sitting there in his weird wig. Did he take it off? I don't know. I think he's gotten rid of it. I think he's lost it. I have wigs I wear for fun. Really? Can I borrow one of them? Is that offensive to you? Yeah, it is. It is. My culture is not your prom dress.

It's like blackface. It's like hairhead. I've got a curly pink and purple one and a white one, a white bob. It doesn't sound that great, does it? But you can borrow them for an ad. It's in a tussled hair.

It probably is a blessing. You should wear one of them in one of those. In one of? What's the name of the company he has again? Ashley Martin. Ashley Martin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I grew this purple hair naturally.

It probably is a blessing in disguise, me having lost a significant amount of my hair because I think at this point if I had a full head of hair, I definitely would have had the like, you know, turning 30 crisis point of just going full bleach blonde. Yeah, right. I would have done that like a year or two ago. I remember vividly thinking like I would definitely do this if I had this point.

That's what you wish you had hair for? Yeah. No, no. I'm saying it's good that I don't because I would have done that like a year or two ago. I remember vividly thinking like I would definitely do this if I had hair at this point. That's what you wish you had hair for? No, no, I'm saying it's good that I don't because I would have done it and I would have looked fucking ridiculous and everyone would have been talking about me behind my back going, he's losing his fucking mind. I don't think buying is your back. Best case scenario is behind my back. You know me, don't you?

Tell me, man, that's not good meat. Nah, man, that's not good, mate Nah, man, it's not good I did try I went in and talked to a hairdresser About just doing it anyway Like a year or two ago Doing what? Like bleaching your hair

Yeah, and she was like Absolutely not I can't in good I can't in good conscience do this Because you will look so fucked And also, that would be That close to your scalp That would be terrible for you

I imagine You can't bleach your hair If your hair's falling out that's just like that's not that's just ending it there's no you're gonna die that's bleach bleach is bad and you're putting it on your scalp that's well i thought it'd be like a last hurrah you know like a baby moon just live it up before i can't do this kind of thing anymore at all. Great. You should have gone for a wild colour, like green or some shit. Yeah. You still have to bleach it though. I fought so hard for every follicle of hair that I have. I fought so hard.

When I see people bleach their hair or I was dating this boy and he shaved his head and I just feel so betrayed. That's offensive, yeah. You don't know your privilege. Every hair on this head of mine costs like $12. And these little pills and these ointments. It takes up 10% of my brain space. Yeah.

People with great heads of hair who wear hats. It's like, come on, man. That's our word. But you need them to wear hats as well so that it doesn't look so suspicious. They're actually doing, they're giving you cover. If only the bald people wore hats, then you would, there'd be a problem.

If only bald people wore hats, then it'd be a giveaway that there's no hair in it. If you need people with hair, also wear hats. We need a few red herrings out there. In solidarity. Yeah, they're helping you out. Yeah. They're keeping the mystery alive.

Well, before we wrap up, Josh, we've got to plug the tour that you have coming up of the new stand-up show. Yeah. That you seemed thrilled about doing when we came in here. Man, exciting, Josh. Like, man, you're a really good comic. So it's good that you're back doing it because thanks carl used to do like my rooms years and years and years ago and you fucking

very very naturally funny on stage so it's very good to grace us all back on stage i can't believe how much tickets are these days i don't know if this is the best way to do this plug last time it's always 33 these days it's. And I said make it as cheap. Like that's too much. You have to make it like as cheap as possible. That's crazy, isn't it? Well, you're a hot young 25-year-old.

People want to come and see you. Is all people charging? Was this, you know... I feel embarrassed. I feel really embarrassed. There's a lot of equipment up there. There's a guy. There's a microphone stand.

It's how much it costs. Like I looked at the budget. I was like, yeah, that's like how much it costs to go and do it now. Yeah. I don't know why. I just don't just don't know what you want people to go do you want people to go i'm sorry about it my friend my friend jess saw the show last night and she said it was the

best stand-up show she's seen but she saw it for free so maybe. It was 90 minutes last night. It was what? 90 minutes. Wow. That's value. That's good. Value for money. Best stand-up show ever.

Just think, if it's 90 minutes, just think the tickets are like $40 an hour. That's fair. I don't know, man. And then on average, that makes sense monetarily. I quit because I realized that they thought I, like people were watching me and I got this like into this crisis where I was like,

you think I think I should be doing this. But I just started when I was 17. I didn't think it through. And then I stopped being able to go on stage because I was like so embarrassed that the audience thought I should be doing it. Like, so I quit. And then didn't tell anybody, right?

I just like skulked off into the night. And then meanwhile, Hannah Gadsby quit and she made a real big deal about it. And it went really well for her. And she quit. She's got that quote that like self-deprecation is not entertainment, it's humiliation. She quit because she thought it was debasing herself and I quit because I thought it was a bit up myself. Right, right. It seems a bit sort of...

Yeah. But that's good. You know what? When people quit and they don't say anything, then I go, well, you've properly quit. Whenever someone publicly says, I quit, it's like, I reckon you've got... I reckon you'll be back in six months.

Yeah. It's always, I quit, everyone, because it's waiting for people to go, oh, no, don't quit. Come back. It's never because I want to quit. There's not enough people doing stand-up. Yeah, yeah.

It's a cry for help. Oh. I regret saying that the tickets are too expensive. I've got to sell them. Yeah, yeah. No, it's fine. Hey, man, everything's expensive these days. It's so expensive, the whole world.

I'll tell you what's not expensive, though. Seinfeld. $7.30. Free to wear Tim and Pete Absolutely free You don't have to get on Netflix To watch it

It's free On free to wear You've got to pay Eight minutes of your life Just think about Things to do In those eight minutes Just

Get there at 6.30 Have eight minute jobs to do So you're not wasting your life Tommy said it's fine I do a bit of tidying up Yeah I thought Oh good He's not wasting your life. Tommy said, it's fine. I do a bit of tidying up. Yeah, yeah. I thought, oh good, he's not wasting his time.

I like to think of the ads as like little extra storylines that they're inserting into Seinfeld, you know? So you've got Jerry, George, Elaine, who could forget Kramer? And now, who's turning up here? It's Colonel Sanders. Chris and Marie are getting in on the act as well. This is fucking great. I support the ads because I'm thinking,

well, these are the people who are giving the production company money to pay Jerry and the gang. Yeah. Like, good for them. Sorbonne. Good for you guys. They're great, except if it's Ashley and Martin. Well, yeah, right.

Then fuck those guys. That's right. Fuck them. I'll turn off, and the next episode of Seinfeld has that in it. I won't turn off Michael Richards for saying the N-word. I'll turn off, and the next episode of Seinfeld has that in it. No, I won't turn off Michael Richards for saying the N-word. I'll turn off. No, but Seinfeld was made before he said the N-word. Oh, okay.

It's like how you can listen to the Jackson 5, but not Michael Jackson. Right, okay. Oh, yeah, great. I think that's the rule. Although, like, he's dead. Like, we're not really supporting him. Are we? I don't know.

So as soon as Gary Glitter dies, you can just get right on the Glitter bandwagon. Is that what you're saying? The don't know. So as soon as Gary Glitter dies, you can just get right on the Glitter bandwagon. Is that what you're saying? The Joker movie did. They used a Gary Glitter song and they've been raked for it. He's also another big fan of Thailand. It's not really for me. It's not about supporting Michael Jackson. It's about listening to a pedophile sing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not worried about the money. Yeah, you're not worried about him. You're worried about you. It's hard to separate it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

But Jackson 5 is free. It's absolutely fine. I want you back. He's guilt free. Yeah. Yeah. They all had a wonderful, happy childhood performing in that band. No long-standing issues off the back of that.

While they're being abused. Not while they're abusing others. Yeah, that's it. That's it. That's the rule. Okay. All right, we'll go and check out Josh's, it's the stand-up show about nothing.

It's tickets at comedy.com.au. What's the name of it? Whoopsie Daisy. Whoopsie Daisy. Josh Thomas in Whoopsie Daisy. Yeah. And Sonia D'Orio in... Yeah, unfortunately I have not quit stand-up.

That's very brave of you. You can look me up. I'm doing gigs around Melbourne. Yeah, I keep saying, guys, I'm sticking around, and everyone's like, no, don't. You're so bad at this. Yeah, check out Sonia at gigs around the place. And, you know

if you think Josh's show is too expensive at $52 I mean our 500th episode in April is only $39

so hey there is a cheap alternative and I think we will definitely be $13 or so worse than Josh's show

$39 does just seem like a lot of money it does it is I agree what happened I think we hired out a big ass fucking theatre no that's what it costs show. $39 does just seem like a lot of money. It does. It is. I agree. What happened? We hired out a big ass fucking

theatre. No, that's what it costs. It's not anyone's fault. Well, it's the theatre owner's fault. That's who it is. Yeah, it's their fault, do you think? It's fucking Ticketek's fault. That's who it is. It is Ticketek. There's a lot of middlemen making good money off hard-working, honest stand-up comedians like ourselves.

Talking about wanking on podcasts. Just doing an honest job. I'm all laughing at what Josh said. Good night, everyone. All right, thanks, everyone. We'll see you next time. See you, guys. See you, guys.

See you. Well, fuck my ass and call it comedy. They've done it again. Wow. That phrase could catch on. Fuck my ass. Now, fuck my ass. That's cool.

And call it comedy. Fuck your ass and call it comedy. So call your ass comedy. No, call the act of fucking your ass comedy. Right. Okay. So it's like you've just fucked someone in the ass. Right. You pull out and go, that's comedy. No, call the act of fucking ass comedy. Oh, right. Okay. So it's like you've just fucked someone in the ass. You pull out and go, that's

comedy. Yeah, yeah. I have certainly done some comedy and felt like that before. Yeah, that's why it's so perfect. Right, okay. You're sort of flipping it. You're flipping that idea on its head. Right. Yeah. You're flipping the idea of taking it in the ass at comedy on its head. Yeah. You're flipping. So is that

nearly a 69er then if you're flipping it on its head. Yeah. You're flipping. So is that nearly a 69er then if you're flipping it on his head? Yeah. Okay. All right. Sweet. That was comedy and that was it again. You're absolutely correct there. Yeah.

Haven't seen Josh Thomas for a long time. So that was good. That might be one of the biggest gaps in Dumb Dumb Guest history. Is that a massive thigh gap or box gap, would you say? I don't know. Yeah. You're comparing apples and oranges there. The distance measured in years versus the distance between someone's two legs.

I don't know. I'd like to think that, I think it's been like five years or something. Really? Yeah, it would be. You're right. So I'd like to think that that's more than a thigh gap. Yeah, I guess so. It depends.

Well, but also, I mean, maybe not because relative to the time of the universe existing, five years is nothing. Well, I was going to say, like relative to an ant, you know, seeing a thigh gap, you'd be like, fuck, that is fucking five years worth. Easy. Yeah. It'll take me five years to travel. If you're a really, really small ant, that is.

To crawl across that pussy to that other side of the fight. Exactly. To get all the way across that flange. But great to have Josh back on the show. Great to see our little pal again. Yeah, he's a funny man. Yeah. I've got a lot in common with Josh Thomas.

We're both men who started comedy in our teens. We both went bald in our 20s. And I reckon we've both slept with the same number of women in recent months. Had that one up my sleeve for the ep, didn't get to it. But that's the beauty of Talking Dumb Dumb. It's a second chance. I was going to say, I was going to bring up, sleeve for the ep, didn't get to it. That's the beauty of talking dumb dumb. It's a second chance. I was going to say, I was going to bring up, but then I thought, fuck, I'm sure we must have talked about this again.

The fact that you guys both did the open mic, national open mic competition, raw comedy together. Yeah, we were both in the national final. Yes. He came first, you came second. And yes, is that right? That's right. Yeah, I was runner up.

He won it. And I think there was me and maybe one other runner-up. Or was I runner-up? I don't remember. But he won is the important part. Yeah, I don't know if we talked about that before, but I just... No, we definitely have. And I'm actually surprised that you didn't bring it up

because I was ready for you to and for me to have to go. I think we've talked about this on every one of his previous appearances. And I was ready for you to say that, which is why I didn't say it. I'm sure we've talked about that on – We must have. We've talked about that with him, but this part of it, that that competition is televised, but the year that he won it, they were like, oh, we're not going to televise it anymore. And then the next year they he won it, they were like,

oh, we're not going to televise it anymore. And then the next year they went, actually, what were we thinking? We'll keep televising it. Yeah. So the year that he won it, probably, you know, one of, if not the kind of winner of the competition that has gone on to the most significant things post winning it. Yeah. They have no record of it.

They have no video. They have no thing that they get to trot out and go, here he is where he started out. Interesting that you've just dismissed Hannah Gadsby and her work and Nanette that she's made since then. Did I dismiss it? I think you did. You just said that Josh is the most successful, the most significant, the best.

I said one of the only good person to ever come out of that competition. Cancelled alert. Cancelled alert. The only person worth talking about. The PC police are coming. The PC police, are they just very politically correct police? They just come and are very nice about arresting you and don't put you in jail because that's not a very cool name for it anymore.

Also, people call up the PC police. They're like, hey, this guy said the R word. You've got to lock him up. And they're like, no, no, we don't actually have any jurisdiction over that kind of stuff. We're just normal police officers carrying out the regular law. And we ourselves just happen to be very much like we don't like South Park or anything like that.

Well, too many people complained about jail and said jail's not cool. Right. Like it's barbaric to throw someone in jail. So the PC police are people that can't really do their job properly at all because people just keep complaining about whatever they do. Yeah, right. I'd just quickly like to reference something that you said off mic before we started recording.

Let's try and keep this snappy right go fuck yourself no no i said i said let's let's keep this to 40 minutes yeah which you've interpreted as keep it snappy that's no well that by our standards that's okay well you keep you you've got the you know what i'm gonna keep time as well i'm gonna put my timer on right now man i have a great time doing man you watch, you watch me. You go into that little app. You fucking watch me. What are you doing? Are you setting a timer

or are you going to set an alarm? I'm putting the stopwatch on. Oh, the stopwatch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Foolproof. Put myself on the clock. But what you don't know is how long we've been doing already.

Well, I've experienced time before. How long, if you had to estimate right now, how long do you think? Six minutes and five seconds. Well, not too bad, I reckon. Not too bad at all. But for someone trading in a comedy room where you're having to light people at five, people are getting away with doing a smooth six under your watch.

That's fine. I'm fine with that. As long as they're killing as hard as I was just then, I'm fine to let that minute go. But man, five acts doing that, that means your night's finishing at 10.35 versus 10.30. Yeah, but it's very rare. You're night's finishing at 10.35 versus 10.30. Yeah, but it's very rare. You're a father now, those minutes add up. It's very rare to have more than one person killing as hard as what I was just there, and so that wouldn't have kept happening all the time.

You've got the phone propped up on the laptop. Just the workstation really out, really spread out. I'm loving it. You're really hot desking right now. I'm going to, some people do this, but I was just thinking it literally today. I'm going to get a clock for my standup show next year. So I've just got, I've got that happening the whole time. I've never done that before.

I've never had the clock staring at me in the face. Oh, you mean like the big day out or like music festivals where like bands have to be, you know, bands have to be off strictly at a certain time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So they've just got like a big clock on stage. Yeah.

I'm going to get that. I'm going to go full pro next year. That's just another good advertisement. Full pro would just be knowing how long your show goes for. This is a good... Yeah, but man, you know me. There's a lot of... I get into crowd work.

Yeah, that's true. I don't know where the fuck I am. Speaking of unprofessional ways of deciding that it's time to get off stage, do you want to air this publicly? We were talking about this the other day. A certain comedian that does your rooms that has a very bizarre method of working out how to wrap up their gig.

I don't know what you're talking about. Isn't it the person who they just set the alarm on their phone? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah, let's do that. And so like every gig this person does for you. Oh, man, should we save it for the next time that guest is on? Let's just do that. That's funnier.

Because then we can roast them about it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, let's save it. Sorry. Sorry, everyone. TBC, you can guess who that is. Yeah.

Get into the group. What a fucking hot topic this is going to be. Yeah, I love it when people try and guess names of people related to this show. Yeah, here's the big question. Who do you think it is that they're talking about that gets off stage in a weird manner? What a fucking hot topic that'll be. People are going, oh, yeah, I think I saw Ben Russell do a swan dive off the stage one time. Maybe that's it.

Well, I've kind of already said what it is because, it is because some people will have a watch that just vibrates. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this person, you hear a loud noise emanating from their phone in their pocket. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, we'll talk about it with them. Man, yeah. So just another advertisement for next year's show

that doesn't have a title yet. But when it goes on sale, you'll know that not only will you get an absolutely top-notch show, but you'll actually get to see the back of a clock as well, probably. Why don't you call it Carl Chandler's Comedy Clock? Time for comedy. And the poster is like you, like a Mickey Mouse watch style. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's pointing up at the hour. One on the

six and one on the nine, baby. Time. Dot, dot, dot. For comedy. Time to comedy. I think I would much rather that. Man, you gotta do it. Number two as well. Yeah. No. I won't be doing it. I'm sure someone will

do it, but I won't be doing it. Time to comedy? Yeah. Yeah. Someone will be doing it in one of our Facebook groups, I'm sure. Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah, is what I mean.

I don't mean someone will actually steal that as a title. Yeah. I thought that's what you meant. No. Like, we all know there's going to be a show in the comedy festival called Time to Comedy. Yeah. It's not going to be me, but someone will do it. It's one of those years, like, you know, when everyone had a breaking bad show oh yeah this is just like everyone's got a slight variant on time

to comedy this year yeah is there a cultural thing that'll be um that's kind because people are sort of starting to register their comedy festival shows now as we're recording it this is the time of year where you have to decide what the show is going to be called yep and what your show is going to be about in six months time yep so if you're going to is the time of year where you have to decide what the show is going to be called and what your show is going to be about in six months time. So if you're going to do the circuit of festivals. So yeah,

what's happening right? What's big in the culture? Because you end up with a lot of, previously there's been a lot of like Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad.

Breaking Bad was probably the most significant one. There was a year where everyone had like a fucking Walt in the underpants out in front of an RV themed poster. Bit was a year where everyone had like a fucking Walt in the underpants out in front of an RV themed poster. Bit of a, there's been Game of Thrones.

Game of Thrones, yeah. Business hasn't there and stuff like that. Is it Joker this year maybe? Oh, Joker. 100%. God. Because he does stand up in the film. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, 100%. There'll be a lot of bad open mic Joker themed shows. Man, I hope this, I just wish like a big name would do that. Like Hughsey just does. A hundred percent. There'll be a lot of bad open mic Joker-themed shows.

I just wish a big name would do that, like Husey just does. Why so serious this year? Why so serious? I'm angry at the world. I used to think my life was a tragedy, but now I realise it's a comedy. And that would kill. Yeah. Yeah. I would kill myself if I

did that. If Hughesy did that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm really on the edge. Just waiting for any excuse. Hughesy puts his poster out. Well, looks like it's curtains for me. Let's talk about this. So we announced the 500th episode went on sale last week.

We announced that on the show last week. We've had an overwhelming demand for tickets. We're both, I would say, I've been overwhelmed. Would you say you've been overwhelmed? Yeah, I'd say I'm overwhelmed. Reasonably. Reasonably overwhelmed, yeah. You've been, at the very least, whelmed.

So lots of tickets sold for that. It's April 25th, Saturday night in April 25 in 2020. That is next year at the time of recording. Let's look up when our 1000th episode is put on sale soon. Sweet. Sure. If you want Ticket Tech to hold onto our money

for another nine years or so, for sure. 2028. Get in now, guys. Yeah. Hey, it's a big theatre. nine years or so for sure 2028 get in now guys 20 yeah yeah hey it's a big theatre

like the Athenaeum Theatre so it's a massive theatre people have got in really quickly the first day sales were amazing yeah

it is a theatre so that means it's allocated seating so the quicker you get in the better seats you get we're over half full yeah well over half full

a week in, which is awesome. Thank you so much for everyone getting in early. A lot of people messaging us to sort of say, this is the first, you know,

we've been listening all these years. This is the first live show we've ever gone to. Yeah. We've actually got tickets too. People travelling from interstate. Yeah.

To which we say thank you and what fucking took you so long, you ungrateful cunts. Good of you to wait for it to be more expensive, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just fucking yourself over. Yeah.

So, man, it's so cool. It's such a cool thing. Yeah, it's awesome. To A, be in a big theatre and to, you know, a tiny little bit of like making us think like we're professionals. Yep. And for people to be buying that many tickets that it's an actual, yeah, like it's not just a stupid idea to get like a big theatre.'s like oh well this is maybe this wasn't big enough yeah yeah yeah

totally instead of worried about it yeah um so it is i mean i'm genuinely really excited for it already i'm like how many sleeps till comedy christmas you know um it's gonna be so good to be in front of that many people and totally and you know we've already got some some little plans on the go. Oh, yeah. I hit you up about something the other day that I think is good. Oh, yeah, yeah. You did. You did.

You did. I've got some ideas. All that sort of stuff. Man, it's going to be so cool. In that it's obviously the biggest show we've ever done as well because it's like nearly a thousand seater. Yeah. So that's a really cool thing to have that many people.

Isn't the jam bar slightly bigger than that in Copenhagen? I don't think, I'll Google it. Okay. I'll look at it later. Check. It's hard to tell because that's open air. Right. So it's one of those things where.

It's not number seating, so there's no. Yeah. Yeah. No one's like taking, counting on the way through. Yeah. So it's like some of those like Brazilian concerts, open air concerts. No one really knows how many people. You know, like Crowded House on the Sydney Opera House steps.

Like, you know, some people said that was 100,000, but some people had that as 250,000. So who knows? I mean, the official, I think the official numbers at the Jam Bar in Copenhagen were like 40, but some people had that as, you know, 17,000. So who knows? Yeah, I mean, you can see shots of it from like aerial photography. Yeah. And it looks like way more than 40 people from up in the sky.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, especially after you Photoshop it. Yeah. So, biggest show we've ever done by far, which is exciting. Where do you think it ranks? Like, look, we've been doing this show for a while. Yeah. Where do you think it ranks in terms of like the coolest things or the things that you would say, if someone was going to say to you in an interview or something, what are the

five coolest things that we've gotten to do or... I'm doing five? Well, this week. Yeah. For the purposes of this imaginary hypothetical. Exactly. If you need to pump, put the... If you need a little generator, if you need to borrow the generator to pump these things out of, the random highlight generator, if you need that.

But yeah, over the, you know, let's say 500 episodes. We're not up to that yet. What are the coolest shows we've done? Or we're not up to that yet but um what are the coolest yeah the coolest or the not just achievements maybe like the things that you would say in an interview i would say look five things that um you would say you're either proud of or that would show the podcast in the best light or yeah probably personally more well you know what's interesting is that not to say that I'm not excited for this 500th and everything and that it's not a big achievement

or impressive or whatever, but we have done so many cool things with this show. Like getting to go to Montreal was incredible. Getting to go to the Sydney Opera House was incredible. Doing shows on the beach in Koh Samui was incredible. That it's almost like even though it is a very big show, a show that just is in your hometown almost just feels like, oh, we're not travelling somewhere fucking crazy

to do this ridiculous idea. Do you know what I mean? It's almost like because we've done so many fucked things, this idea just seems almost like kind of boring by comparison. Well... But I'm sure... But that's just talking about it six months out once we're getting to it it'll rank as like the feeling on the night will be incredible yeah but um uh yeah i know definitely it is exciting though but it is like yeah i understand where you're coming from but i also think like you know we go to samui we go to london we go to montreal that sort of thing it's like oh god this is different this is different well i kind of i've got that in my head already for

this show that it's like it is different i know it's in this in our town but in a theater where you know we've both seen cool bands and stuff like that oh yeah and you know twice as many people as usual and it's like a you know a reputable venue it's a proper you know weirdly this theater is theatrical um yeah but it's it's it's not just in a pub like you know totally it's like when we did the opera house and also the thing of well yeah i mean the opera house was great but the fact that it is in a hometown means that you get to have like more family and friends come along and see you in that environment like my parents are really excited i think my parents parents' seats are Q1 and Q2. So anyone that has that row, you're sitting near my mum and dad.

Yeah, right. Three and four, that's who you're sitting next to. Nice. Someone listening right now probably able to piece that together. But like all that kind of part of it is like pretty exciting. Like getting to walk out and not just feel like, hey, there's a lot of fans of this here but like yeah friends being able to like come out and support you whereas something like

london or the opera house or whatever still very fun but missing that thing of like oh this would be cool if like you know i could have some friends here yeah yeah this cool thing that i'm getting to do yeah yep um and i think also i mean we've we've probably haven't announced this and we certainly haven't organized it yet. But I think the idea is that we do that and it's going to be great. But we'll have an after party as well. Yep. So that'll be heaps of fun.

That'll be another thing where, you know, we'll have it somewhere where not everyone can come to. So it'll be smaller, but it'll be intense. Yeah. I think. That's a good way of summing up a lot of things that we do. Yes. Small but intense. Yes.

Yeah. So that's going to be fun as well. Well, and also, this is another thing we haven't, we've talked about it, but I don't think we've fully, fully locked it in, even though we both are on the same page. Yeah. In regards to our shows at the Comedy Festival, which is just before this. Yes. We'll be doing less of them.

Yes. That's, yes yes you're exactly right this is a week after and we feel like we don't want to be doing the same number right in the lead up yes ourselves and we and you know a lot of people come to all the things we do and it's like well we don't want to put on 50 things so that you have to go to all of them or anything like that um but yeah we want to keep the powder dry a little bit to make sure that 500 is like full of content and you know really sort of special and well doing four in a row and then doing a big one

on the fifth week after that is like kind of a weird idea yeah yeah yeah so um when we confirm that soon ish uh yeah during april we usually we do four or five live podcasts in melbourne maybe we might like do two i think this year and yeah you know just just keep the power keep the content powder dry yeah um so those will go pretty quickly as well i guess super quick um but uh yeah just to and you know like with the 500s like i said we want to make that special so those those two ones that we do earlier you know we'll just fill it with very mediocre content i'd say just say. Really take the piss. Yeah, real B-sides, some C-sides.

Just a lot of us looking at the clock, waiting for the 500. Oh, that clock's coming back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe, oh man, now that there's been so much talk about the clock from my solo show, maybe I better, I can't put that in the two smaller shows. I better save that for the Athenaeum show for the 500. Oh, right.

Yeah, but it's because the clocks, people are going to have a harder time seeing the clock. Well, the, the clock's going to be quite a part of the, the dumb, dumb cannon by then. I can tell like a lot of,

a lot of talk coming off this clock. Your second child. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is going to be good. This is, you know,

there'll be a t-shirt about the clock by then. What about you? What's your, what's your number one highlight of having done the show? Um, I reckon, I mean, look, stupid question. I reckon. Yeah. Yeah. I think of it. Yeah, What about you? What's your number one highlight of having done the show? I reckon, I mean, look. Stupid question, I reckon. Yeah, yeah. Now that I think of it.

Yeah, maybe. But, yeah, I mean, look, when we went to Montreal, that was a very nice thing. But in terms of the show itself, like, you know, whatever, it was okay. But we did do a show at midday in front of. That experience for me was something that I had always wanted to go to Montreal and I am at an age and point in my career where I had kind of thought,

oh, well, that's, you know, that's not going to happen. That's not, you know, without getting into the behind the scenes of how that kind of stuff works in the industry. I kind of had made peace with the fact that like, oh, well, it's probably never for me and like, you know, I guess that's fine. Bit of who you know and all that sort of stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so to kind of be at a, for that to kind of come out of nowhere at a point that I had

thought I probably would never get to do it. And I remember the idea of it meaning so much to me when I was a lot younger. That felt very cool to kind of finally fulfill that. Yeah. Regardless of how all the rest of it went. Yeah. Just getting to go there and be there was great. And we had a great time with Milan.

Yes, we did. Actually, I had more fun at the New York show in that little tour that we did. Oh, that was awesome. Yeah, that New York show was great. That was the highlight of that little trip for me. That ranks higher than Montreal because I never really gave a fuck about that. Right. But doing a show in New York and then having a ripper show in new

york that was fucking that was that was really awesome yeah that was great um i would say yeah look silly question but probably just the idea of yeah getting away with doing kosamui yeah doing doing the fest making a festival there it's like this is insane yeah you know that's then that's a cool thing and we've we've touched on this over the years where it's like, you know, we do joke about us not being, you know, we're not on TV, we're not on the radio, we're not in whatever. We haven't gotten some of those opportunities out there. And we joke about that and it's a bit of an audio meme that, you know, our mates do this and we don't get to do it.

But, like, you know, really, we've got to make our own stuff and it's pretty sweet. Yeah, we make a living doing this and that's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. So we've done a lot of stuff that those guys are sort of, you know, envious of and whatever. So, yeah, I, you know, no one else is, you know, doing that Coastal Moon Podcast Festival, that's the thing where it's like, wow, we're making our own thing. We're not waiting. A lot of people wait for opportunities or whatever.

This has sort of turned into we were just plugging the 500, but now it sounds like we're doing a wrap-up speech on the final episode of the show. I know. Just getting really wistful and looking back. No, it was a great time while it lasted. That makes sense. I mean, 500, you get to reflect or whatever.

And it's interesting to think of what other cool things we've done and where this ranks or whatever. Yeah. Not that we've done it yet. Yeah. But, you know, but that's the other cool thing. We're always trying to get something new and different and whatever happening. Hey, the experience of getting fuckheadtickets.com to get their ass together and get the tickets

online. That was a achievement in and of itself. That really, even though we haven't done the show yet, I still feel like we've, you know, we've put some real hard work into this already. Me emailing and fucking ringing these cunts over and over.

And then just going, the people are fucking ticketing.com. And I told you this, but I rang them and they're like, and I'm like, yeah, well, I've been waiting for two weeks for this already.

I got told that it happens in a couple of days. And they're like, yeah, it's pretty busy during 40, and I'm like, yeah, well, I've been waiting for two weeks for this already. I got told that it happens in a couple of days and they're like, yeah, it's pretty busy during footy season. I'm like, cool. Footy season's over and it has been for a while. I applied for these tickets to be online after the grand final, well after the grand final. Yeah. Oh, okay. So you and I, I think this is kind of on us.

You know, we thought that fuckheadticketing.com was just kind of like a funny name. We thought it was like ironic or like in some, some you know like a cutesy little fun thing yeah we didn't realize it was an actual like the truth yeah you don't you don't think that there are actual yahoos that work at yahoo you know but this is what's happening here in this instance that's great the boss at yahoo someone really acting the goat it's like come on mate don't take the piss yeah i know it says that on the sign over there but this is beyond the pain. You don't have to be a Yahoo to work here, but it helps. Anyway, yeah, exciting stuff.

Looking forward to that. I mean, it's weird, though, because it is so long, so far away, and there's a lot of other stuff to worry about between now and then. But, yeah, very, very exciting stuff. There is some pretty cool things. Part of it being a cool thing, I think, is almost that there's so much distance between now and then. Because it's like I said, that stage has been – we've seen shows and people that we admire on that stage before that we're going to be on. Well, finally, when you buy concert tickets to someone

and it's like six months away, you're like, oh, wow. Usually we're just like, oh, we've got some shit shows happening in three weeks, guys, if you want to come. Well, now we're one of these fuckers that has six months in advance going, you better get them soon, guys, or they're going to be gone for next year's show. I bought tickets to Elton John about a fucking year ago. Yeah, yeah, right. January next year's show. I bought tickets to Elton John about a fucking year ago.

Yeah, yeah, right. January next year. I keep walking on my way to work or where I was working, I keep walking past that stadium and seeing Elton John every day. Oh, really? Fuck, it's someone I would like to have seen, but now the tickets available would be not very good, I don't think. Yeah, I don't know.

And they're all very expensive like i i i was a massive queen fan when i was a kid yeah and they're coming out of you know well two members of them and whoever else is on board but i was the other day i was like well why don't i go and fucking see them and then i looked at you know there's no tickets left and all you're doing is getting it on via gogo or whatever yeah and it yeah. And it's like, man, $600 for a shit seat. Sometimes, though, they often, like, release a batch of tickets right near it. Right. With some cheaper seats that aren't too bad.

Okay. But, yeah, I'm going to – I'm not going to Elton, that stadium. I'm going to Hanging Rock. Oh, are you? Yeah. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. Yeah, all right.

Because my parents wanted to go, so I was like, all right, I'll get his tickets. And because he's doing so many, he's doing a bunch of kind of like wineries and stuff around Victoria. And then he's doing a run of that stadium, like a bunch of dates at the stadium. Yeah. And I said to my folks, do you have a preference of any of these days or venue or whatever? And they're like, we don't care. Just get whatever's best.

Yeah. So I kind of spent like a couple of hours kind of got like having window ticketing windows yeah yeah all of them just going i'll just pick whichever one we can get the best seats for the best price yeah and we managed to get we're pretty close for like not you know it's like for whatever reason the stadium one it was going to be like way more expensive to be like way further back and stuff yeah yeah yeah yeah how much how much oh god i can't remember now. It was expensive, but like- Over 200? Over 200, yeah.

Was it? Yeah, right. Okay, that's cool. Yeah. Fuck, I'd like to have done that. I wish I was doing that now. That's good. What do you think about this?

I'm a big Vampire Weekend fan. They announced the other day that they're doing two side shows in Sydney and Melbourne. I'm going to both, baby. Yeah, love it. What do you think about that? Back to back. I'd do it. Really? Yep. You do do it or you would do it? Yeah, love it. What do you think about that? Back to back. I'd do it. Really?

Yep. You do do it or you would do it? I do do it. Oh, you do do it? I do that regularly. If a band I really like comes out and they do two shows, well, I'm at both. Yeah, right. Yeah, fuck it.

As in what? No, no, but I mean I'm travelling to another city to see the next one. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, I like it. That's good. There was one year where Elvis elvis costello played during the comedy festival and then he played in sydney the day after and so i flew up there yeah great i was just like fuck it okay well i missed out because i was down there but i made money so

i guess i'm just going to spend that money going up there yeah just flew straight up they got there like two hours before the show went straight to the show went back to the hotel room fucking flew out first thing in the morning like saw nothing of sydney except for the way to the show Went back to the hotel room Fucking flew out First thing in the morning Like saw nothing of Sydney Except for The way to the show Yeah great Yeah That's exciting

Yeah I'm looking forward to it Because a friend of mine In Sydney is really into them So he's going to come down here For the Melbourne one And then I'm going up there For the Sydney one

Yeah It'll be fun Especially if you're into a band That's like one of those bands That mix up the set list Which they have been doing That's the main reason I wanted to

It inspired me to do this Yeah that's good Because they've been mixing it up a set list. Which they have been doing on this. That's the main reason I wanted to, it inspired me to do this. Yeah, that's good. It's because they've been mixing it up a lot. That's good. I've been, I don't think I've ever talked about this, probably because it's not that interesting, it doesn't go anywhere, but when Queens of the Stone Age came out like a year ago or so, I've always been someone that goes to a band and then doesn't drink, just goes, well, I'm just there to, I really enjoy this band.

Yep. And I'm generally i'm not one of those people that need to go with someone else i go well that's just gonna be a pain in the ass to find someone else who's into this band or whatever it is i'm just gonna go by myself and fucking i don't need to hold someone's hand to listen to music i went to david burn by myself last year right i'm so glad i did because if i had wait like no i wouldn't have been able to find anyone to go with and it was one of the best shows I've ever seen. Right. I'm so glad I went. Yeah, yeah.

Well, I usually do that. But going to Queens of the Stone Age, I bought two tickets to both shows. Basically got to the show and then went, oh, I didn't really ask anyone if they wanted to go or anything like that. And I'm like, oh, I don't really care. And I just asked, like, two people. I went, do you want these tickets for free if you want to come along and have a few beers? And they're like, yeah. And then because I'm used to going with no one and then I went with a couple of mates,

we just got, they were just like, do you want to have some beers before? I'm like, okay. And then I just went to both shows blind and fucking loved it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was so good. I remember both nights you were getting drunk beforehand at the bar that's like three doors down from my house because it's across the street from the stadium. I remember you texting me two nights back to back, like, come down here and have a beer.

Why? I think so. Or maybe afterwards. Maybe one of them. Maybe. I'm not sure. Because it is quite close to – my house is quite close to that stadium. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're right. Yeah, maybe that happened once. I don't think it happened the other night, the other time. Because I remember one night I went with Oliver Clark and we were in the city drinking before that. Okay. And we were at Spleen because they'd had some of Queens of the Stones had been in there drinking the night before. Oh, that's right. Yeah.

Yeah. And the other night was with Brett Blake. And I think we were drinking near your house that night maybe right yeah but very fun fuck it's fun i'm doing that from now on drinking at shows yeah drinking before shows i've had a couple concerts coming such a virgin too yeah i've just finally blown my load and been with a girl for the first time and i'm like going guys you should be you should have sex it's so cool everyone yeah i know what you mean but i definitely i definitely have had a handful of shows where like i've gone with friends and we've been like yeah we'll meet up and have a drink beforehand oh yeah so excited and then gotten up the next

day and sort of felt guilty about how little of the show i can remember yeah yeah yeah i shouldn't have done that yeah it's a bit of a waste yeah yeah that's fair enough i mean depends what band you're going to see and whatever. Like, you know, going to see Quincy Stoneage where they're like, you know, there's that energy and there's, you know, that band lends itself to that sort of behavior as well. Considering the time before when I saw Josh Homme, he was off his fucking head. Oh, yeah. It was actually a bit of a shit show. Yeah. But, yeah, they were great shows, actually.

They were very great shows. Some of the best. Yeah, they were great shows, actually. They were very great shows. Some of the best. And look, I'm sure a lot of people will be preloading before they come into the 500th episode as well. Oh, God. Yeah.

That'll be fun. Quick question. How's that stopwatch going? It's good. Anyway, so thank you to everyone that subscribes on patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. Thank you. If you want to chip into the show keep this uh keep the the the wheels greased uh and also very selfishly of

yours of you to get bonus material like a bonus episode bonus magazine every month if you like the sound of all of that bullshit if you if you're that fucking that much of an absolute can't and you just think of yourself all the time. Sure. Yeah, join. The downside is you'll be helping us out as well. So sorry about that. Sucked in. Yeah. Okay.

So what we also do to give back to you guys is we read your name out and immortalize yourself in the dum-dum canon in a way. You become canon. Yeah. You officially exist within our universe once we read your name out. Yeah, I mean, you know, we can call back to you whenever we want, if we remembered any of your names, or if we had a reasonable filing system where we had access to your names.

To an extent, we sort of do. So, let's let you look. You're completely correct. We have been rabbiting on a little bit. So, instead of the double, triple figures we usually do, let's do, let's say, five this week. People probably annoyed that that being such a small number this week, but, you know, take it up with Queens of the Stone Age or Vampire Weekend

who inspired that long chat about going to concerts. Well, I, you know, I think it's fitting after talking about the 500th episode that we do five. It's almost like a subliminal ad for the 500th episode. By doing five, you automatically think, five, oh yeah, 500th episode. Ah, Ticket Tech, I must get on there and get these tickets. Maybe I'll buy five tickets.

And then next week we do zero names and then the week after that we do zero names. Right. Sort of like how, you know, sometimes there'll be – do you ever see those things like every now and then on Twitter where someone will be like, go to this person's account and read the first word of every tweet? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're planting like a hidden message across multiple episodes of this podcast.

This show should be on the Gruen Transfer for sure. Get us in. I have been on the Gruen Transfer. I have, yeah. I was in an ad that they roasted. Right. And one of the people on there referred, because I was running in the ad, referred to me as an obviously unathletic man.

Right. What did Will say about that? Nothing? What do you mean? Oh, what did he say about the ad? No, did Will... Will didn't say that about you. Someone else said it.

Someone else said it, yeah. Did Will say anything off the back of that? I don't recall. Yeah, right. Like, I was interested to see it, but it's not like he's going to go, oh, yeah, I know one of the guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who cares?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, I just wondered if there was a slight wink or a nod or anything like that. I was hoping for something, but yeah, this was so long ago too. Maybe he would. If something happened now, who knows? Probably not. He is a professional.

Alright, number one this week. We don't have a lot of time left. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Jimmy Evenflow. Oh, my God. Yeah. Speaking of classic rock, yeah. Mike, what do you think of the – you know what?

I fucking – I should have said that because his name – his real name isn't that. That's his – should I say his real name or should I just stick with what he's put on here? I think you have to honour the request of what they've put on the thing. For better or worse. Let's do that because it's way better content than his actual name. His actual name is just boring?

Yeah. Yeah, right. What do you think about Pearl Jam? I do not have too much of an opinion either way. Yeah. Even Flow is one of those songs that I've never, like, properly listened to, if that makes sense. Like, just kind of heard it on the radio and in the background of stuff.

I've never kind of, like, willingly, like, put it on and kind of sat and actually listened to it as a song and really taken it apart and gone, do I like this or not? Yeah, they got pretty lucky with their timing, I think. Really? I think they got pretty lucky. Like, you know, I mean, I was right in the middle of that where you know right right in the right age where when grunge and all that sort of stuff happened it's like i'm 16 17 all my mates were massively into it so my whole friendship

group was just obsessed with new music and the jam that's that sort of stuff um but i think they got pretty lucky like them getting getting bunched together with nirvana and other bands like that it was like oh yeah their alternative, yeah, they're alternative. It was like, are they really alternative? Right. Or are they just a bit boring? They're kind of lucky and they're kind of the outliers. Yeah.

Right. Yeah, I don't know what that means, but yeah. Well, they're like, yeah, they're not the same as all those other ones necessarily. Yeah. It was just easy. It's just always easier to lump things in together that are like slightly stylistically similar. Yes. Yes. It's just always easier to lump things in together that are slightly stylistically similar. Yes.

Yes. So they were edgy or whatever for maybe an album or two. I thought of that. And then after that, it's like, well, they could be any band, really, after that. Yeah, I never really got into them. I've never owned an album. I've never, on purpose, listened to one of their songs, I would say. Yeah, me either, actually.

Nirvana were way more interesting. I have actually been recently like maybe i should give them a give them a go sometimes it is interesting to go back to those things that are big that have just kind of always been like wallpaper yeah in your life and go what's actually going on here yeah yeah maybe i i wouldn't say personally they would stand up to too much investigation in my right in my eyes at least i remember they remember we thought it was sort of funny at the time when I think they were doing like a live show on MTV Music Awards or whatever. It was like a protest song of theirs and they were playing Spin the Black Circle, which is a song about how records were not getting made anymore, like vinyl.

And it's like this protesting about vinyls, just getting very angry, spin the black circles. Like, what a shit protest. That's great. Yeah, that's awesome. My cousin got a Pearl Jam tattoo right in the heat of the moment, right when they were red hot, you know, and he was like 17, 18, and got the, what's it called?

I don't know. What's their logo? The little face, the little stick figure man. Have you ever seen that? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sort of? Yeah, hang on. Yeah, I'm going to Google it.

I'm going to Google it too. Refresh my memory. Yeah. Icon, I guess you'd look up. Logo? Pill Jam Igon, icon, logo maybe. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that one. The little sort of like like he looks like a stick figure man with like maybe dreadlocks he looks like a my family sticker yeah yeah it's like a rastafarian my family sticker i agree this sucks yes um and my cousin got a tattoo of a big tattoo of that on his arm oh and was like yeah man this is cool and it was like is that going to be cool forever he's like yeah And then like within a year or less, you know, he was pretty into music.

And so he got over that pretty quickly. Right. And was just like, fuck, he's got this shit tattoo now. And then just got it, didn't get it removed, got a black box tattooed over the top of it.

Oh no. And so the, the tattoo was probably like five or six inches big, I reckon. And he got a tattoo of a black box that big over the top of it. Wow. Fucking hell. He made the whole tattoo out of the black box.

Yes. Yeah. If I, yeah, what age was that, like 17? When he got it like blacked over, you mean? No, no, when did he get the original tattoo? Yeah, I think when he was maybe 17, 18. Yeah, right. Yeah.

If I had have done that, it would have been a tattoo of the Jamiroquai Buffalo Man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which would have aged equally as poorly. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, totally. Just every new album they bring out just going, God, I hope this revitalizes them. Yeah, yeah. I really need something to make this tattoo cool.

Yeah, yeah. I'll tell you what I have been getting into lately. I've been listening to The Grateful Dead. Oh in on them really enjoying it are you yeah some good stuff a very overwhelming catalog like you look them up on spotify or whatever and there's just like there's like hundreds of albums yeah there's just so much stuff to wade through yeah but i've been i was listening to a essentially an internet radio thing of two musicians talking about why they like The Grateful Dead. And they were talking about how, you know, it is such an overwhelming catalogue. Like nearly all of their live shows are out there in some form.

And they talk about how they go through these periods that are quite bad. Like there are just patches of The Grateful Dead shows that are just shit. But then they get good and like that's very satisfying. Like you get these purple patches where they're really on form. And also them being a jam band where they're up there in their shows and part of jamming is you kind of do a bit of a musical riff and sometimes you end up going down an alleyway where they're just kind of fucking it up there.

And part of the joy is how are they going to get themselves out of this one? Like you, the listener, going, man, they're really boxing to a corner. How are they going to solve this? And I was listening to that and it made me think that in those two regards, this podcast is a lot like The Grateful Dead. A lot of the back catalogue is quite bad and a lot of the riffs we get onto, I can imagine people going like, how's this going to come good?

Oh, and also, you know, they have their legendary fans, the Deadheads, that travel everywhere to see them and we certainly have that as well. They have their legendary fans, the Deadheads, that travel everywhere to see them, and we certainly have that as well. Although their Deadheads probably travel around to watch the music, whereas I think our Deadheads travel around just to hang out with each other and not particularly watch our show.

Well, I think that's kind of true of the Deadheads as well. There's a big culture of catching up with people and taking drugs in the parking lot and it being more about altering your mind state and the music just being background. Sure. You know how now the main dude, one of the main forces in The Grateful Dead is dead

and they tour now under the name Dead & Co with other people filling in, one of whom is John Mayer. John Mayer is kind of in The Grateful Dead. Right, okay. So following this analogy through, if I died, who would you get to replace me John Mayer style to sit in? Like completely inappropriately, that means. Jam with the little dum-dum club.

A big fan, a long-time fan. Because Jerry Garcia is the deceased lead singer, and to replace him with John Mayer is quite an abrupt contrast, I would say. Well, and apparently the Deadheads, a lot of them have now come around to John Mayer because his style of playing has changed. But when he started with them, people were off it because his tone was just like completely different to Jerry's playing and everything. Right.

So it would be someone who comes in and doesn't quite capture the Tommy Dazzler way. Yeah, yeah. Just, just. Someone who's kind of famous in their own right. Someone whose solo career is so big that they arguably don't need to bother with being on the Little Dum Dum Club with you. That's it.

But they're a big enough fan that they just like, it's an honor to be asked. That's it. It's the Little Dum Dum Club with Carl Chandler and Hannah Gadsby. Right. honor to be asked that's it it's now a little dom-dom club with carl chandler and hannah gadsby right perfect yeah that's right great that's right that's what's gonna happen yeah i'll write that in the diary i'll get ready if i hear about you and in the news or anything i'll just get hannah on speed dial people are like she said she's a fan and it was an honor to be stepping in and filling his shoes, but she's not even talking about Nintendo or anything. She's talking about...

Oh, no. She's kind of pissing on the legacy of this podcast by doing this. The only thing appropriate is that a lot of people saw Nanette and said that it's technically not comedy. I mean, sure, she's paying tribute to our podcast by not doing comedy again on it. By quitting, yeah. All right.

All right. Thanks, Pearl Jam. Also, that's not a diss on Hannah. We are friends with her and we like her. Yeah. And she, yeah, when she was around the scene, she was very funny. Yes.

She's been on our show several times. Yes. Thanks, Jimmy Evenflo. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Matthew Hickling. Hickling? Yeah. Any thoughts? A weird one.

It sounds like a cartoon name. Yeah. It sounds like someone not notable that I went to school with. It doesn't actually sound physically like that, but it sounds like you go, oh, whatever happened to Matthew Hickling? I don't know. I never saw him after year 12. Right.

I never bothered catching up. He even friend requested me on Facebook and I was like, nah, life's too short to accept shit like that. Right. Yeah. Profile picture looked kind of boring. Yeah. I want nothing to do with this guy.

He stayed in town. He didn't Profile picture looked kind of boring. I want nothing to do with this guy. He stayed in town. He didn't move away like the rest of us. I think he works on his dad's farm now maybe. Why do I need to catch up with him? When I said cartoon name, yeah, it feels like if you were watching a show where it's like they go to like a small hillbilly town and someone's last name is Hickling and you kind of go, come on, guys. That's a bit on the nose. Right. He's a hick. I get it. His name's Matthew Hickling. And you kind of go, come on, guys. That's a bit on the nose.

Right. He's a hick. I get it. His name's Matthew Hickling. Yeah, yeah. And he's like wearing overalls, no shirt underneath, like got the straw coming out of the mouth. It's like, yeah, the name Hickling is just really overselling it.

Didn't need to do this. When I lived with my friends in Ballarat in this one house, there was a – we lived in the mayor's house. The mayor owned his house that we lived in. Right. And the thing was as well, he was like this – We lived in the mayor's house. The mayor owned his house that we lived in. And the thing was as well, he was like this – we used to call him the lion behind his back. He looked like the lion from The Wizard of Oz, the Cowboy Lion.

And he owned the house. So we sort of found out. We said to him at one stage, oh, we've got mice. If you can do something about that, we've got mice in the house and he's like yeah well that's because you leave food on the kitchen um table and you you went away and you know you left the rubbish bin full of food and stuff like that and it's like how do you know that and that's when we found out he just let let let himself in whenever he wanted and stuff like that because it was like oh it's my house i can do whatever I want. Right.

Well, I'm not sure if that's legal, but that's what he would do. But he had a gardener that would come around because he used to work out the back. There was an office out the back, so he would work there. Which was weird because he was always on premises and we lived there. So there was this weird thing where we had a driveway around the back of the house. So you'd come through this very narrow thing at the front of the house

and then it would open up around the back. So we would come with my mate Jimmy and he would just try and do the most fucking Dukes of Hazzard parking style by driving as fast as he could through this narrow driveway and then really open it up and try and get the car sideways within about 10, 12 meters in the backyard. Sick, yeah, I love it. So he would do that all the time and just drive really fast

and then put the handbrake on, turn the car sideways to then come sideways at a 90-degree angle so then you could sort of fit in this car park up the back. So he would do that all the time. And there was like a bunch of times where he would nearly hit the mayor doing it like just go off fuck and he and the mayor also had a gardener which gets back to this uh that just had this wild shot shock of like scarecrow blonde hair and would wear really badly fitting old clothes and we used to call him Hicksy because he just looked like a hick. And so, like, whenever you'd see him,

there'd just be all the people in the house at the time just yelling out the window, Hicksy! Hicksy! Which is, like, a very funny way of hanging shit on someone when they have no idea that that's their name. Yeah, great. Always good. Yeah, and they're like, I don't know what that is.

That's not an out and out. It's not like you're yelling out the window, you can't's just people saying hicks you in a funny way right yeah speaking of um landlord stuff what about this my real estate agent was hitting me up about coming to do an inspection here just a routine inspection um and it was they were wanting to do it while we were in perth but they were hitting me up beforehand going hey this day we want to do it while we were in Perth, but they were hitting me up beforehand going, hey, this date, we want to do an inspection. You have to be there to let us in. Can you do it on this date?

And I'm like, I'll be away then. And they're like, okay, what about this date? And I'm like, I'll still be away then. We kind of go back and forth a few times and I go, hang on, you've done inspections before when I haven't been here. What happened to the – you've got a spare set of keys. What happened to them? And they're like, oh, yeah, we've lost them.

We don't know where they are. Oh, wow. That's what you want to hear? Great. A fucking set of keys to your house, just go walk about? Fuck. Good shit, I reckon. That's good.

No worries, guys. Yeah, hopefully they've got, like... And they would have. They'd have a tag on them saying... Yeah. 1, 2, 3, 69th Street. Yep. Don't give out the address.

Fuck, I didn't say the suburb. I only said the street and the number. That could be anywhere. Dinner for two, Onia. Yeah. Thanks, Hixie. Thanks, Hixie. Thank you to Patreon subscriber John Passmore.

J-O-N Passmore. Is this guy from America? Yeah, that's what I thought. Is this who I'm thinking of? That's what I thought. Do you know what I'm about to say? No, I don't know what you're about to say. I had the feeling that, yeah, I've seen the name on the socials.

I have a feeling that this is a man who in 2012 when we drove across America, not all of america but a chunk of it and we stopped off in austin texas we uh met up with a listener there at a bar yeah we did do that i don't know if that's that guy i don't think it is that guy okay i might be wrong though i have a feeling that that was that name is just stuck in my head for some reason maybe i'm completely wrong well let us know on the in the socials if that's true. But yeah, we did do that one time. Because that was a significant, yeah, quite a long time ago. Yeah.

And still relatively early enough in the show of like it being very weird that there were people overseas that listened to us. Absolutely. Let alone in a town like that and someone going, hey, can I take you out for a beer? And we go, okay. And then he's like, yeah, meet me at this bar. And it was this bar kind of off the beaten track

and we're there like, we're fucking murdered by this guy. Where are we? That was a cool bar. That was a cool bar. But also that was, if you remember, if you'd like to remember correctly, that was a, let's meet up with this guy. I'd love to meet with you guys.

Cool. He turns up, doesn't have any money. So then we're buying him beer? I don't remember that. Yeah, I do. That's great yeah because i remember them being cheap beers there's like a dollar for a beer or something like that well that was the trip where we went wasn't it when the when the dollar when the

australian dollar was a parity with the u.s dollar amazing i was talking with someone about that the other day that was the best that was like it was like a dollar three or something yeah it was actually above yeah it's fucking great that fucking fucking rule. That trip was great. Yeah. Now, it sucks. Now, the Thai Bart is too strong. Right. It's fucking crazy. Like, people that have come to Thailand with us over the last couple of years have been like, oh, this is all great. But I'm like, oh, six years ago, you should have seen it.

Yeah. Because it was like, you know, now it's on like 20 Bart. I swear when I first started going there, it was 36 Bart. Right. It was fucking great. I was, you know, every time, I love drinking a beer there going, man, this is $1.50. But now that I have to drink a beer and go, this is $2.50, I'm not as happy as I was six years ago.

It doesn't taste as sweet anymore. You can't go back. That is something I find fascinating about you. You genuinely do get more enjoyment out of the meal the less that you know that it's costing. And it's a bad way to be because the currency fluctuates. You can't guarantee that your happiness is going to stay the same as it was in its best years.

There's just a few more endorphins coming out of it. The idea of how cheap it was. It's still fine. Who knows, maybe it'll swing back. Well, I don't know how any of that stuff works

but at some stage they need to, like, I remember that happening in Australia where they're, you know, it was,

like you said, it was parody with the US dollar and they sort of at some stage were like, yeah, we need to make this

not happen anymore because it's better for trade and stuff like that. Oh God, here we go. Don't talk, now it's just going to be us getting fucking bombarded.

I know. Oh, you fucking idiots. You don't know how fucking currencies operate. Yeah. You're exactly right. In many ways. Yeah. Okay.

All right. Well, I won't go on with that. But anyway, they need to do that in Thailand. Yeah. Because for whatever reason, I don't know why their barter is so strong at the moment, but it to do that in Thailand. Yeah. Because it's, for whatever reason, I don't know why their bar is so strong at the moment,

but it's making our dollar look like shit. It might have, maybe it has something to do with us. Yeah. Taking so many people there three years ago.

Wow, this place is really booming. Yeah, you might be right. This economy is worth a lot now. You might be right. Fuck,

they have copped a lot of Aussie dollar from us in the last three years. Well, thanks. If that is that guy, if this name is that guy that I'm thinking of, then maybe he subscribes now because he feels guilty about us having bought him beers all those years ago. Yeah, this is just –

So it's all come back around. Yeah, yeah. Thanks for the beers in return. We bought you one or two and you're buying us a bunch now. I love the idea that – I kind of hope I'm wrong. Like this guy listening to this just going going what the fuck are they talking about i wish i was fucking now this this at least at least hicksy has something to do with his last name whereas this is a completely false history of me and a and a one that makes me look a little bit like

a cunt and the best bit would be if that American guy is one of the other names we've read out on this app. Yeah. I didn't even get a mention then. Yeah. I didn't get a mention for being some completely different guy.

I was a big Pearl Jam fan, you idiot. How many more clues could I drop? Thanks, John Passmore. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Andrew Bartlett. Oh, Bartow. Yeah. El Bartow. El Bartow. El Bartow. Mel Bartow. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Andrew Bartlett Bartlett? Yeah

El Bartlett El Bartlett El Bartlett Mel Bartle Interesting Yeah An interesting one It's not that interesting

Bartlett, there's a bit going on there If you're Andrew, you get born Andrew, what are you going with? Andrew, Andy, Drew, other things. I probably would go Drew. What about this? I do like that you get the option. That's a name where you kind of get the option of chopping it off at the other side. Yeah.

A bit of a convertible. What about this? Is this a common thing? Anthony, right, is the name. I know we're deviating from Andrew, but it does remind me of Anthony and name abbreviations, et cetera. Name Anthony. Tony. Cool.

One of the best nicknames or abbreviations of a name there is, I reckon, right? Tony. Yeah. You like it? Love it. Love the name Tony. Great name. Yeah.

I call myself Tony a lot. Yeah. Yeah. Anthony, Tony, easy. Right. Is this a common thing where some Anthonys abbreviate themselves as Ant? Yeah. You've seen that a bit?

Yeah. My cousin's husband does that. Is that weird? Why? It's just a weird name when you've got the option of Tony. And you're calling yourself Ant, a tiny little insignificant fucking bug. You're right. I mean...

And it's not a name. I think maybe some people feel like, you know, because as we're saying, Tony, great name. Really great name. Hands down. Maybe some people don't feel, you know, they don't have enough self-confidence. So they don't feel like they're worthy of living up to everything that Tony kind of is meant to be. There's a lot of famous Tonys.

No, I could never be a Tony. I've got to be an ant. I can't be Tony Soprano. I'm no Tony Stark. Other Tonys. Yep. There's a bunch of famous Tonys and they're big icons and stuff and it's like, no, I'm just a little bug.

I don't think I've ever told this on the show, but a friend of mine calls me Tony because for a little while I had my Facebook picture as the Japanese cartoon character of Gudetama who's like a little depressed egg. Yep. And I would comment on his posts a lot, and his mum is on Facebook. She'd never met me, but she just constantly was seeing this little egg cartoon character commenting on her son's page. Yep.

And then him and his mum went to Japan together and she saw a poster of Gudetama and she pointed it and she said, Look, darling, it's your friend, the Tony Egg. So, yeah, I kind of have this unofficial nickname of the Tony Egg based on really nothing. And it is nice. I like every now and unofficial nickname of the Tony Egg based on really nothing. And it is nice. I like every now and then referring to myself as Tony. It's a glimpse into another life.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And kind of like it's sort of aspirational for me. It's nice to think like, man, if I was a Tony, everything would be different. Yeah, and also it's a rare nickname where someone upgrades you and it's like, ah, you're this now. And it's like, oh, good. It's frustrating because it's like ah you're this now and it's like oh good it's frustrating because it's

not far off tommy in terms of just spelling and how it looks and everything yeah but in terms of like spirit and vibe it's a million miles away yeah yeah yeah i mean look i was saying you know that's cool that's lucky you know tony but like egg is not as good it is i mean it is fun to imagine that as a real person yeah tony egg yeah but that's that's cool if someone like is like ha that's your new nickname cool guy you're cool ah all right oh guys stop it don't call me mr cool but so yeah i mean i think the um you know anyone that you know that goes by ant it's kind of it's kind of sad in a way that they just feel like, I'm not a Tony. I could never pull this off.

Do you like it or not? What, Ant? Ant. I've never really thought about it. I don't mind it. Knowing someone called Ant, do you like the idea of knowing someone called that? I mean, I do know someone called Ant. Do you like it though?

Thinking about it. Do I like them or do I like their name? Do you like the concept that you know someone, that you have to call someone Ant? Yeah, I've never really thought about it. I don't mind it. Again, it's a bit different. It's rare.

I'll give it that. It's rarer than Tony. I think I knew an Ant growing up and I just took it as a normal thing and then I just had enough distance and time to reflect and went, that's fucking weird. Because then I was like, this is a normal thing and I've never just you know had enough distance and time to reflect and went that's fucking weird because then i was like this is a normal thing and i've never met anyone else since then called aunt and i was like i just that that was just a fucking weird thing back then but i didn't realize that people still did i thought that was just a one-off but don't you

think with things like that it's often more to do with the parents like they'll go okay we're going to call our child anthony and we're going to put that on the birth certificate. But then for whatever reason, they just like, then they give their kid a nickname where they're just calling it Ant or Tony. So it's often it's not that you reach an age and you go, oh, well, you know, my 18th birthday, this is the time that I have to choose. Am I going to be Ant or am I going to be Tony? Well, you know, it's like it just gets assigned

to you by your parents i agree it's weird because you know i've my my daughter you choose a name and then people go people immediately when they found out the name were like oh well you'll be calling her this or this or you know like you're going to call her blankie or or ket or doona yeah yeah as the nickname instead of the full thing on the birth certificate, Blanket. It's like, no, no, we called her that for a reason. So we'll be calling her Blanket. Yeah. Why give her a name and then one second later as she pops out, G'day, Keddie.

What's happening? Yeah, it is strange. I mean, yeah, I'm an example of that. Like I'm Thomas on my birth certificate. My parents just called me Tom growing up. It's like, we just fucking put Tom on the birth certificate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Agree. Agree.

Agree. Weird. Just another weird little thing about life, isn't it? Really makes you think, doesn't it? Yeah. You have to laugh. It's a funny old world. Absolutely.

I wouldn't be dead for quids. You could pay me so much money to die and I would not take it. Really? Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Name a figure.

$1. No, I wouldn't. Okay, $2. I wouldn't kill myself for $2. No. No. Yeah, but what do you care? What do you mean what do I care?

You're gone. Well, that's the point of the saying. No, but I mean the money amount is irrelevant because you're killing yourself anyway so you can't spend it or do anything with it. Yes. That's the point of the saying. Oh, okay. Yeah. But no saying i'm arguing that to you i'm saying do you want a dollar a dollar to do it and you're like saying no yeah like what difference does it make just kill yourself

is what i'm trying to say right well that that's that makes more sense if you're just saying that uh that is that is a particularly australian saying obviously i wouldn't you wouldn't be dead for quids i actually have never heard that saying. You've never heard that? No. That makes sense why you were explaining to me what it meant because that's obviously what it means. It's a very old Australian... So it's like what? It's saying what?

I wouldn't want to kill myself? It's literally a joke. It's like something good would happen. It would be a nice day and people would say, you wouldn't be dead for quids, would you? If I paid you $50, you would refuse to die okay because life's so good why you could pay me as much money as you wanted and i i will not kill myself right it's a joke because yes like you pointed out you can't spend the money when you're dead yeah yeah

well but what the saying doesn't specify is when you have to kill yourself. So let's say I'm giving you, if it was I'm giving you the amount of money, but you then have to do it in six months. Right. Well, then the money does make a difference because I can have a really good six months with that money. Sure. But I think it's heavily implied that saying that situation, you know, it's heavily implied.

It happens off screen in this saying. It's in the book. It off screen in this saying. It's in the book. It's not in the movie. You're out having a nice day and you're like, we wouldn't be dead for quits. You're not saying that when you're dying clearly six months later after you've had this nice weather. Right. Yeah. It's pretty heavily implied that you'd be dead instead of having that great weather.

This is a gritty saying. It is, isn't it? It's a very larrikin-esque take on mortality, I think. I quite like it. It's good. That's kind of a good tag for this show, actually. A larrikin-esque take on mortality. You're right.

Two men fucking around and wasting their time. Yeah. There's all these wonderful things in the world and we're inside your one bedroom flat at night, late at night when I'm wrecked. Talking about Pearl Jam. Yeah. And then I'm going to walk out and walk home in the dark after this.

Are you going to get a snack on the way home? I'm not. Okay. I had a snack on the way here. Oh, what did you have? I've brought one of my old tricks back on the way back here. This is what i did i i left and i was like i wanted a sweet treat and uh my local supermarket is now i counted them the other day they've now got seven or eight brands of chocolate mousse types of chocolate mousse in my local supermarket i think we've heard you talk about chocolate mousse

on the show for quite some time i know yeah yeah yeah so for new listeners for people who haven't gone back a few years well i like chocolate yeah we talked well we talked about it quite a bit for a while because it isn't it's it's it's you know it's off the beaten track it's not like someone going oh guess what guess what i like ice cream shit. I remember how it started, and I'm sure maybe the Dumb Dumb Historians can confirm this. I believe it's on the episode that we did with Harley Brin and Scott Dooley where we talked about your experience on Australia's Got Talent. And a great example of someone bringing something up that they think is merely a fleeting detail that you'd gone to Nando's and gotten the chocolate mousse, and we all got fixated on

it. Yeah, as a meal. Yeah. And then I went into detail about how often I get it and how I get it. How much you like mousse. Yeah. And me hiding it from my partner. Right.

Yeah. So there's a bit of that happening today. There's, like I said, seven or eight different types of chocolate mousse in my supermarket. Bizarrely, one of them is placed in a different area of the supermarket and then the other six or seven are placed in the other end of the supermarket. Okay. Very strange, but anyway. So they've started stocking this one that I really quite like, and they've rebranded it.

I don't know the name of the company, but they've rebranded it, and it's like, they used to say it's like chocolate mousse or dark chocolate mousse, but now they're saying mousse slash ganache. Do you know what ganache is? I don't really know what ganache is. I think it's like much thicker icing. The Indian god? No. It's sort of like icing on cakes. Right, okay.

It's sort of like that, I think. So anyway, I was like, man, that sounds fucking... That's great. So it's a really nice one. So I walked to your house to do this from my house yep and so i i i walked out and i i knew i knew i was going to go and get some on the way um and thus eat it on the way yep so i snuck out a metal spoon and uh nice yeah so i was just just that horrible thing of so i've snuck out the metal spoon and i've also snuck out a tissue so that I can wrap it around the spoon and stick it in my pocket after I've eaten it.

Right. So it's just having a grubby spoon in my pocket. Weirdly enough, yeah, stealing silverware. That's very junky behavior. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Junky food. So I did that. And then, of course, this is the worst thing.

I've done this in the past. But the worst thing is when you get caught uh walking down the street eating a dessert on the on the move with walking with a metal good well i constantly do it no good love it um you love it or you're just happy to do it as a necessity yes you actually enjoy it well i don't think about i'm eating something good so i'm enjoying it i just never thought to stop um so i'm eating walking along eating a dessert with a metal spoon so that people when people see me they're like you planned this this is fucked what are you doing yeah it's pretty embarrassing yeah um so i did that on the way here it's pretty

good i don't know that if i noticed a man eating mousse while he's walking down the street i don't know that the spoon would really register to me right beyond just like look at this man just eating mousse while he's just walking down the street. Yeah, yeah. What is he doing that he can't sit somewhere and eat that? Yeah, but I... I wouldn't be paying too much attention to, hang on, I reckon he got that spoon from home.

Oh, that would be the first thing I'd notice. Really? Yeah. Yeah. That's a weird thing to... That wouldn't register to me beyond everything else. I do it and I find it weird. On purpose, smuggling a spoon out of my house that i've got to return

i'm not like i don't chuck a silver spoon in the bin well and you know the truth of the matter is that like with a lot of things that you could say in life people probably don't even notice what you're doing at all because they're too busy thinking about how they're going to eat their moose that they're yeah yeah yeah yeah they think well maybe they're thinking man when i walked down the street you know nine o'clock on a night on on a Sunday night and eating moose that I've just bought just before the supermarket closed, when I ran there to really make sure I got that moose before it closed, I always bring a plastic spoon. And so that's weird that you've brought a metal one. This would be great if it's like the Seinfeld episode where people are eating Snickers with a knife and fork. If now, just like next time you're walking down that street, you see all these people eating with metal spoons from home?

I would love it. If I was responsible for that as a trend, people, I mean, A, moose is, you know, for years I've been championing it. I'd love it to come back into the mainstream. I think it has a little bit. I think it's, yeah, I don't think it was ever outside of, but don't you think that's also kind of what makes something a bit special? Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, absolutely. But I think it's always been seen as a bit 70s. I'd like to, I like the idea of it being cool.

Mousse is cool. What do you like more, mousse or ice cream? Is it above ice cream for you? Yeah, I'd say mousse. I'd agree with that. It's a good dessert in that it's like the consistency of it is quite light because it's fluffy. It doesn't feel very heavy that it's like the consistency of it is quite light because it's fluffy.

It doesn't feel very heavy. So you don't feel too bad after eating it. Well, that's the thing. I don't like the fluffy ones. Oh, really? I like the heavy. Okay. I like the thick shit.

Right. I like it heavy. Big bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually, the thicker the better. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm one of them. I like the Kardashians of mousse. Okay, great. That's what I'm looking for. I don't want any... No thigh gap. I don't want any Paris Hilton mousse. Yeah. I want one of them. I like the Kardashians of moose. Okay, great. That's what I'm looking for. I don't want any... No thigh gap. I don't want any Paris Hilton moose. I want some Kardashian moose.

Right. Yeah. Interesting. Thanks. Man, keeping it tight. Thanks, Andrew Bartlett. All right. Look, we've been here way too long.

Yeah. We have gone longer than normal, let alone shorter than normal. Yeah. So let's get it. There's only one. I'm sorry that we're not going to give heaps of time to the last one. Uh, I know you subscribe and everything, but you know, fuck, I'm fucking tired. I need to go home.

Me too. Um, okay. This person's going to be furious, but what can you do? Yep. Um, I just hope, you know, it's a good name. We've got something to, um, to play with off the back of very quickly. Well, I almost hope that it would be, it would be a burden to us if it's a good name we've got something to um to play with off the back of very quickly well i almost hope that it would be it would be a burden to us if it's a good name because we you know we're saying we want to wrap this up it's gone too long we've kind of almost got a hope

yeah that it's just a boring say like a last name like smith for example yeah where there's absolutely nothing going on yeah i mean i'd really like it to um ideally wouldn't you agree to be really ideal if this last name wasn't very funny and sort of we could dismiss it pretty quickly? I'm thrilled that we're on the same page with this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know, like we said, it's all random. It's all random.

So who knows? Who knows what we'll come up with next when I hit this big red button. But hopefully, for our sake, this isn't very good. Come on, Mr. Garcia. Hit the big red button. Let's do a bit of jamming. Thank you to the final Patreon subscriber for this week. Thank you to Clock Comedy.

Oh, Clock, like we talked about earlier. Thanks, everyone, for listening. I guess we'll see you next time on the Little Dumb Dumb Club. From all of us here at HQ, see you, mates.