The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 474 - Rhys Nicholson & Eve Ellenbogen

Episode Date: November 5, 2019

Chandler's going on a li'l vacation so we're banking an episode with RHYS NICHOLSON and EVE ELLENBOGEN. To spice things up and keep it fresh, Karl plays puppet master and the rest of us immediately turn on each other. We somehow compose ourselves for long enough to hear about broken toilets at the European Bier Cafe, Metamucil and Young Chandler visiting Tokyo. GOLD COAST! Our first ever live show up there. November 16, 2pm.HOBART! We're heading down for the first time for a live show in a small venue. November 23, 5pm.We've also added a stand-up show in the same venue at 3pm.MELBOURNE! Our 500th episode is on sale. It's going to be massive. April 25, 2020. 8:30pm. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Rhys Nicholson and Eve Ellenbogen. We've got a bunch of live stuff coming up. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for all the details of that. We will see you at the end of the episode to talk to you about all the stuff we have going on. Until then, enjoy this balloon being slowly inflated and then deflated. Plus, a guest, a show with guests Rhys Nicholson and Eve Ellenbogen. show with guest Reece Nicholson and Eve Ellenbogen. Hey, mates.

Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. With me, as always, is the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. We've got two very special guests today. Let's welcome them in, Eve Ellenbogen and Rhys Nicholson! Yay!

Yahoo! Fun times doing comedy in the early evening. The weather is great. Thank you guys for heating the comedy signal. We've had to quickly pull together an episode. Don't say that! No, no. I believe Tommy's getting to something. I'm getting to something.

We've had to quickly. We're recording this a bit in advance. What's going on now? Why would that be? Why would we be so pressed for time at the moment? Is the question aimed at me or is it at the... Rhys, why do you think? I don't know. Look, I've got a pressing engagement in Southeast Asia.

Congratulations, you're finally getting it done. Yes, I'm getting a penis. Yes, thank you. This briefly got touched on in last week's episode. I was listening back to that today and you brought this trip up and then no time got spent on it whatsoever because it's not surprising at all to anyone in the room. Almost like we've gone over this territory 17 times or so.

Carl's going to Thailand next. What's there? Have you ever been? You've got another family, right? That's what everyone suspects, but no. There's no other family. I've never been there. Am I allowed to go there?

I think my... No. Yeah. There are parts of go there? I think my... Yeah. No. Yeah. There are parts of around there that my people get. Is there... I thought that of all places, like, it's, you know, considering... Well... No, well, considering the last song...

He gets a lot of gay sex there. Why not? Yeah, I never got told off for it. No, I think maybe Singapore... Oh, this is bad. No, Malaysia. Yeah, yeah, yes. Yes.

Look at me just throwing around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are they? You should probably know these things for sure. Yeah, this is bad. No, Malaysia. Yeah, yeah, yes. Look at me just thrown around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are they? You should probably know these things for sure. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Oh, I looked up because I'm getting married next year and I was like, maybe we could go on like a honeymoon, like a proper, like a big one.

To Saudi Arabia. Yeah. I've always wanted to see the top of a building. But the Maldives is super homophobic. Oh, is it no good yeah i didn't know and i i was like literally looking at flights like oh this could be amazing and then something in my head was like just have a just have a have a wiki yeah i you know what um uh my wife was talking about that and going oh maybe we should we should go there to maldives i was like yeah why haven't we talked about this before this sounds great and then i saw hamish blake on instagramives. I was like, yeah, why haven't we talked about this before? This sounds great. And then I saw Hamish Blake on Instagram there and I was like, that looks amazing.

And then I looked at the cost and went, oh, there's a reason why Hamish Blake is there and I'm not there. That's the difference between me and him. I was looking at one of those, you know those websites that are just called like luxury? The ones that are so good, you're like, this isn't good. Like something bad is on here. Yeah, I know the ones you're talking about. But here's the trick. Do I you're talking about but here's the trick

do i have to work there here's the is the trick with those ones i believe this is what i've looked into when you get those deals and it's like here the flights and plus the common and it looks amazing and it's five star whatever what it is is they put those resorts are good deals because they're away from everything else and people want to be in the action they're not in very good locations yeah so it's hard for people to find them. And you're a bit ostracized from the rest of the community there. I've never, have you ever been like a resort holiday? Like a proper resort?

I was like nine. You're about to go. How long you got, buddy? Like those ones, I... You get like a bracelet or something and then you can just like eat and drink for free? Oh. No, not like a sex on premises one. you can just like eat and drink for free? Oh. No, not like a sex on premises one, but like a... But let's get back to that. No, because I went on like in...

I'd never been... I went to like Palm Springs earlier in the year. Okay. Like after... And it was like a proper like, yeah, like sitting by the pool and I was very like anti it. And then I got there and I was like, I realized I would... Oh, it's amazing. It's like they say, if ever I've been upgraded on a flight, I'm automatically... I'm way better than the sitting by the pool. And I was very like anti it. And then I got there and I was like, I realized I would. Oh, it's amazing.

It's like they say, if ever I've been upgraded on a flight, I'm automatically, I'm way better than the rest of the people on the flight. Like I could turn on a dot. Like 1940 is not a good time for me. It's very like, well, it doesn't affect me directly.

And it would though. Let's just be clear about that. Yeah, no, I could keep my shit to myself though. It's fine. Yeah, but I would out you if that were the case. Okay, well, already tension between the guests. And it's Holocaust related again.

So heading into this trip at Palm Springs, you were anti the idea of sitting around the pool and chilling out. I don't like it. I get it. I get it because that's what I had 10 years ago. And then I was like, whenever I would go somewhere, it's like you're going to New York to look at buildings and stuff like that. You're going to look at things like that.

What did you have? Oh, never mind. Well, have well yeah so then now now i totally get it now i absolutely get it so you've got to get the you've got to have the the light bulb moment we work in freelance if i'm sitting not doing anything it's like i'm hemorrhaging cash i'm automatically hemorrhaging cash is that what it is or you just thought that you're better than the people who sit by the pool um no, not better at all. I realized I was equal to them, if not much less. No, but it took me a couple of days though to be like, but yeah, you know what I mean? Yes, yes.

It's not normal to just do nothing. I'm probably similar to you in that you're on the go all the time. You've got stuff to do. And yeah, in the freelance world, you need to, there's no time to slow down. Otherwise, someone's going to steal your gig. Someone's going to steal your work. You know, fuck this. You've got to keep going.

You've got to – you know, we don't have super. You've got to keep working to your heart. And then 10 years ago, you gave up. Is that right? I think my wife went, okay, you have to slow down. You have to do this. And then I actually did. It was one of those things where I –

Your wife said that to me too, actually. He fucked your wife. Yes. Is that what... Really badly, but she still said I was better. Right. Before she'd even met you. It was crazy.

Well, I guess that's not technically cheating if it's with a gay man, I guess. I can forgive her for that. It's true. Wow. So your wife has a hall pass as long as it's with a homosexual man. I guess so. She can fuck whoever she wants. I guess so. They have to be gay. Look, I don't want to be homophobic, so I guess that's hall pass as long as it's with a homosexual man. I guess so. She can fuck whoever she wants. I guess so.

They have to be gay. Look, I don't want to be homophobic, so I guess that's the rule, isn't it? Does your baby's cry have a lisp? Wow. Yeah, how's breastfeeding going? Not for me. Yeah, she's not crawling yet, but she has been doing jazz hands a lot, which is really weird.

You just tell us when it's too much. You started it, so it's like, the water's fine, so I just hopped in. This is like the bus from Speed. We can't stop now. If we stop, we'll die. That's what she said to me too. Can I just very quickly go back to the Maldives? So you were saying you heard that the Maldives are homophobic.

Yeah. Like, no hold handy on beachy. Right. Or go to jail times. Yeah. Right. And then Carl said, yeah, I'm not into the idea of the Maldives, which I thought was going to be like, well,

now that we've heard that they're homophobic, the official Dum Dum Club stance is that the Maldives are cancelled. And then your reasoning was, I looked it up and it's expensive. Yes. Persecute whoever you want. Just do it on the cheap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Maldives, it does, I also think Maldives sounds like a homophobic slur.

Like they're a pack of Maldives. It is one of those places where I had to look for it on the map. But Maldives, it's like. I have no idea where it is. Yeah, it was like when I found out about the Sultan of Brunei, I was always like, oh, that's in the middle of oil fields and stuff. It's like, no, no, no, that's lower in Asia. That's like way down closer to here.

It's like they just sound... I have no idea where they are. It's like Hawaii is much closer. Like it's so far away from America. Why don't you just go to Hawaii? I mean, that's a good option. That's supposed to be amazing. Yeah.

I've heard good stuff. In my country, we allow the gays to hold hands on the beach. You are my new... All right, well, it's stepping other ways at the moment. You are my new travel agent. You're from America. I've heard Hawaii is good. No, I had friends who lived there and they just, for 10 years,

they just like stopped caring about anything and then they left because they wanted to care again. Now look, very briefly, I'll bring this up because I should have done this at the top but everyone got too far into it. I feel like there's almost, you know, it's a great start to the show already, I think. But I came in here just wondering because, you know,

we're working on Empty Tommy, like this is a last minute podcast. We're hoping that this is going to be good without us putting in too much effort, to be quite honest. So just stick into the plan. Staying consistent for 10 years. Lucky 473rd time. They've not done it again.

Someone's done it again, but not those two. So I thought I'll get some motivation for all of us i'll get some well at least for the youth rivers what i've done is i've uh this is a classic sports motivational technique right this has happened i've seen this happen in sports before right so this is what the coach this is what the coach does there's a sick kid that really needs this podcast to go well that's you that's you tommy damn beat me there i couldn't wait um uh so i've seen this

done in sports then what happens at the start of the season a coach will come in to the club rooms and go look uh i feel like the team is really good i feel like we're gonna have a really good season this year the only thing is i've got one worry i've got one worry and that is i've got a feeling that one one thing is going to let us that one thing is going to let us down. One person is going to let us down in here. We've got one weak link. I feel like he's looking at me so hard. We've got one weak link in here.

Now what I've done is, I've come in here with an envelope. And in the envelope is... A mirror. It's the name. In the envelope is the name of the person I think is going to let us down. I know you think it's me. So then, when we get to the end in the envelope is the name of the person i think is gonna let us down so then when we get to the end of the episode i'll pull it i'll pull it out this is motivating everyone to not be the name in the envelope i feel like you're the abusive parent i didn't have you know like automatically i'm saying i'm like dad i know i know what you're saying and like

you're like why don't is it you i don't. Why would I think that? Are you going to let me down? And I'm like, I don't know. I get this a lot. I got this from your daughter. I get this from people who are older than me. In any other circumstance, I would be like, oh, there's no name in that envelope, but you're a sociopath. And you're going to put it on the Facebook group.

You're definitely going to post it. You probably asked Twitter, like, who do you think is going to fuck up the podcast? Or did you call our parents? Did you email our parents and say, who do you think is going to fuck up the podcast? You know, I hear motivation right there. Yeah, that's true.

I feel like some people have picked up their game right away. Yeah, I'm sitting back. I'm letting these two tire themselves out and I'm going to just come back in minute 45. I have a couple of questions. Yes. So first of all, I'm struggling with the concept. You're saying this is meant to motivate us to not be the name in the envelope.

The name in the envelope is already there. We can't change that. I reckon there's no name in there. No, what if it's like the cat thing where the cat's dead already before you open the thing? Oh, Chandler's cat. I have no idea what you're talking about. The cat thing where you open it up and it's shown. The idea that there's a dead cat in a box.

No, it's a live cat. It's a live cat, but if you open the box, it kills it somehow. There's a thing that explodes. What? A cat that lives enclosed in a box, but if it's out of the box, it dies. It's an agoraphobic cat. Oh, my God. It's hard to look at you and speak to you at the same time.

And the envelope's there. It's so stressful. Hello. It's a philosophical idea, right? Where it's like, what if you had a cat that was alive in a box, but if you open the box, the cat will die. So it's like automatically the cat is dead. Because if you open the box, it's dead.

So there's no way to get the cat out. But it's alive. Right. So somehow that we were relating that to this. Basically, one of us is dead. Yeah. Yeah. Because our name is on the envelope. Right. Okay. Yeah. Okay one of us is dead. Yeah. Because our name is on the arm.

Right. Okay. So my other question. Yes. So you were picking the names. So your first question. Were you including yourself in the list of names that could be included in there? No, because I don't need to motivate myself.

I'm always at peak performance. Wait a minute. Tell me. Also, how would I be worried if I'd written my own name there going, God, I hope it's not me. Well, I don't know. Keep it interesting. You might have been walking in here going, you know what, I don't feel like I've got anything in the tank.

I might be the weak link. Okay. You know? And that'd be like a fun, like, cheeky Carl Chandler turnaround. Well, who knows? Who knows what's in the envelope? No one would ever believe that you would do that. I mean, you do. You know what's in the envelope.

You're right. Wait, but is Tommy included in this? Tommy is included in it? Tommy is included in it? I'm included in it. See, you, so a few, like half an hour ago, 45 minutes ago, you texted me and said, do you have any envelopes at your house? Yes. And I said no.

And I thought, what the fuck is going on here? And then you go, okay, I'm going to be late then. And then, and the idea that I had had an envelope here and that my name is then also in that envelope that I gave you, I would kill myself if that was the case. Maybe your name is in there because you didn't have an envelope now. Oh, you've already done that. Interesting twist.

So not having an envelope is a link between being a weak link on the podcast as well. You should have more envelopes. I've got a shitload of envelopes. You could have called me. I could have brought you a thousand envelopes. Well, that would have guaranteed you wouldn't have been in there with so many envelopes. That's for sure. It's for the merch that I haven't been of envelopes. You could have called me. I could have brought you a thousand envelopes. Well, that would have guaranteed you wouldn't have been in there with so many envelopes, that's for sure. It's for the merch that I haven't been able to send.

Why is the envelope so necessary that you had to be late? But you could have just written on a piece of paper and then folded it in half. Yeah, but you need it to be on an audio medium. You really need the visual element. Right, yes. It's a symbol right there. Look at that.

You can imagine something being in that envelope. And you held it up at the door when we went to go let you in. You were standing in the doorway with the envelope. I was between my teeth because I had my hands full

to be completely honest. That wasn't a very early threat. It made you look insane, by the way. A man waiting at glass doors with an envelope in his hand. So you say I'm looking insane. I might just have to make

a slight alteration to what's in the envelope. Oh, so it wasn't you. Or this is his kink and I'm not in his mouth. So you say I'm looking insane. I might just have to make a slight alteration to what's in the envelope. Oh, that means I... It wasn't you. Wow. Or this is his kink and I'm not in there anymore. This is his kink. Yes.

Is this like Jared Leto getting into character as the Joker for Suicide Squad? There's just cum in the envelope? Oh, that's right. He did do that. Is that... Not a thing I know. To get into the vibe of the character,

what he did was he jacked off into envelopes and sent it to the other people in the cast. And they're like, what the fuck's this? And he's like, you know, I'm the Joker. I'm getting into the vibe of the Joker. Nah, man, you're Jared Leto. If torture were your kink, I feel like I would understand you so differently.

It would just be like, oh, he's actually fine. This is a plan that he's had for years right it's one long time he's trying to fuck everyone yeah do we get any kind of can we get any kind of like performance reviews at key intervals no no no no no no there's no performance reviews because it's a real mystery as to who's in there it's at start of the show... She's not giving us a clue. No, you don't need to guess. You find out... It's a motivational thing. I mean, I completely understand why you would question yourself and question the others.

And if you want to turn on each other, that's completely fine. Right, yeah. You're a nightmare. You know that? Seriously. What's wrong with you? I'm motivating you. I'm motivating you.

This is the worst episode of Saw I've ever seen You know what Saw always needed? More stationary That's what I thought That's what I thought Jigsaw comedy Yeah

It's more Less saws and more paper cuts Yeah Yeah So yeah So instead of So you're about to go to Thailand By yourself

Tomorrow for a week And this is great. Instead of spending this night with your wife and child, you're here doing some kind of sadistic social experiment with three friends. It could be a TV show idea. I don't know. I think that sounds like a pretty awful idea.

But if I was offered to be on that awful TV show, I'm just saying I would go on it. That's all. So did you think about this? How long did you have to consider? Was it a name that just instantly came to you? Was it just an immediate gut feeling? Or did you really kind of sit and kind of, you know,

really look through who was on the table and have a good think about it? Let's listen to your question again. What do you really think the answer is? Did you really think I spent more than a minute on this? Given that five minutes before I got here, I said, have you got an envelope? I'm in there, aren't I? Did you include religion or sexuality as part of the determining factors?

I could think of nothing but. Okay. Interesting. Oh, I'm going to love it if you're in the envelope now. The only criteria is childhood illness. Would you count being gay? I am on Team Cancer and I hate that you beat us. Oh, really?

Okay. That's a hypothetical. Beat us. Us on Team Cancer. There could be people who listen to this whose dad invented cancer, and then they found out I beat it, and they're like, I'm never listening to this again. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's offensive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? He was making millions off cancer before. You know, it could have been another $1,002 off. He bankrupted my dad. They work on commission. They get all cut for every one they off.

Yeah. You know, I saw a Wikipedia page recently of, it's my new favorite thing of people that died at the hands of their own inventions oh yeah that's right it's the greatest which one segue yeah yeah he he rolled over a cliff he rolled over a cliff on a segue that makes complete sense so when you think about it because it's like i'm inventing something oh of course i fucking died when i was trying to get something right. There's so many of them. There's so many of them, especially around industrial age.

But the best one, I was reading them out to Cara, my partner, and I was like, oh, there's this guy who didn't die. He died while inventing anal? The envelope started glowing. That's the laziest Reeys Nicholson style joke I've ever heard in my life Like just Didn't even reach

Just kind of like Ah what am I Ah anal Probably that Funny word I'd put it in my top five Funny words though I'd agree

Yeah it's up there Is Kyron third? But we were talking about this guy that fell off. He was a stuntman and he invented a shock absorbent barrel. And Kyron said, well, no, he didn't. Because he died in the first test of it. He said to his wife, like, I'm going to throw it off and I'll survive. And he didn't.

And so he did not at all invent. Like, I don't think he should be on the list. So the person who found the corpse invented the shock absorbent bowel because they were able to use that as they said let's let's go with another layer yeah yeah he got the credit and then he got the credit yeah right right okay imagine being married to someone who's like nah trust me i'm gonna get in this barrel so many so many of the stories start with they told their wife that they were using yeah knife. And you know what's interesting is that the wives were like, okay. Sure.

Because they knew he's going to die. I'm going to clear out the basement. So some say someone thought they were inventing the bulletproof vest and they were actually inventing the bullet absorbent. Yeah, yeah. The bullet absorbent chest. Just a vest, basically. Yeah.

A nice vest. So it's like I jump off a building and I'm like, I've invented the shoes that stop you from dying when you jump off a building and i'm like i've invented the shoes that stop you from dying when you jump off a building right i mean not right now no but mate but maybe 50 years time after we open the envelope maybe yeah i'm part of the process that's gonna lead them to working out how to do this right yeah how are you gonna determine who was the most disappointing one because someone is anyone what if no one disappoints? Like, does someone have to be disappointing?

No, no, not at all. No, the aim is. I'm just trying to figure out if I should cut myself. The aim is. The aim is for everyone to be so motivated that they don't want to be the person in there. Or at the very least, they've done such a great job that makes me look silly. There better be a fucking name in there. Oh, there's a name in there. Of someone there. Oh, there's a name in there.

Of someone here. Oh, there's a name in there. If it's the name of your baby, that's bad news. I know not to say the name of your baby, but all I can think of is your baby's name because I know not to say it. Yeah, right, right. If it makes you feel any better,

I don't know what your baby's name is because I'm not interested. Right. Now I am. That weirdly doesn't make me feel that weird. It makes me feel a bit better. Yeah. It just felt like you invented anal on me, Justine.

Thanks, Tim. I kind of want to sneak a peek at the envelope because if I'm in there anyway, I may as well just go have a nap. I'm looking at your bed at the moment. It's made, which I don't know is... That's surprising. Yeah, but you did. Is it made for...

Is it made because we were doing the podcast to you though? No, no. We thought we were going to fuck while we did the podcast. All of us. And you were going to try anal.

We were going to see what's in my... Actually, we discussed something beforehand as well that we should bring up right now. And I've got a name inside of me. We're going to circumcise you. That's all you guys ever think about, isn't it?

Yep. Clip and stuff. Yeah, I do. What about this? This is what happened at a gig the other night. So I run shows at the European Beer Cafe, the Basement Comedy Club and the Thursday Comedy. Clack.

Brag, brag, brag. Do you? I didn't know. No big deal. Seriously, no big deal. But so how it usually works is on Thursday it's upstairs and on Saturday it's downstairs. The basement's downstairs.

Weirdly. Get your head around that. Crazy. And Thursday night is on Thursday. Isn't that nuts? Right. Great. So.

And what style of art happens in these clubs that you run? I love art. Stand-up burlesque. Wow. Yeah. Love burlesque. Because we're artists. I do have the hair for it.

So. Basement. I got there the other day and the basement comedy club had been moved upstairs. And I was like, well, it's sort of a bit weird to have to tell everyone. Can't really happen now, can it? It's basement but it's upstairs. It's a bit frustrating. And, you know, I kind of think the space upstairs is not quite as good.

So, I was like, this is really weird. I've never been moved from the basement. What's happened? Why has the basement been moved upstairs? And they're like, oh, we had a bit of trouble. We had a bit of a flood downstairs. Oh, no. And they're like, oh, we had a bit of trouble. We had a bit of a flood downstairs. Oh, no. And I was like, okay, what happened?

How did the basement flood? They went, yeah, look, we're currently investigating it. Something has flooded. The bathroom's flooded and it's ruined downstairs. It's all fucked. I'm like, okay, that's a shame. They come back within a minute and go, oh, we found out. We found out what flooded your show on Saturday night.

Someone went to the toilet upstairs and jammed their jeans down the toilet. What? The upstairs toilet? Yeah, took off their jeans, rammed them down the toilet and flooded the basement. Was it a man's toilet or a woman's toilet or the handicapped toilet? Please, a little respect for the biggest idiots on earth, man. Was it a man's toilet or a woman's toilet? Or the handicapped toilet? Please, a little respect for the biggest idiots on earth. Man. It was the men's toilet.

I wonder if... He flooded the basement from flooding his basement. But, like, he must have shit himself, right? That's the only reason that you... Look, I would hope so. Because to do that without shitting yourself is even more insane than putting your pants down the toilet. Completely sober.

What did he wear after? Completely sober looking down. These are hideous. They have to go immediately. So what happens? Right. So if you do that, let's say that that's a normal thing to do. You've shit your pants and you think,

well, the only way I can get out of this is by disposing of the evidence on the venue, in the venue, put them down the perfect crime, put them down the S-bend, and then just walk out in the Y-front. A famously easily manoeuvred S-bend. Like turds get clogged in an S-bend, let alone fucking, you know, denim. I can't pronounce it.

So. You look so hurt just now. The T-H-bended. T-H-bended. You look so hurt just now. The TH band in there. TH band. Rhys the Great Guy is a fucking terrible plumber though. No one in the jeans got stuck trying to do the T and the H. Up and down and across. The T's not even connected.

Nothing's connected. Yeah, what's your question? So, you have no questions of that story? So, say that's you and you're getting rid of the evidence, the genes. You put them in. What's your next move? You don't have any pants on anymore. It's almost like hearing the kernel of a story like this

is almost worse than just hearing... Yeah, that is... Poor choice of words. Okay, hearing the nugget of the story like this, hearing the grogan of the story like this, is almost more frustrating because it's like, yeah, then you just have more questions which you're never going to get answers to.

You'd rather know nothing than know this tantalising one little tidbit. I'm always amazed at in my late teens and early twenties the only time I ever really went to nightclubs and I've always been the way that I am. I've always tried to have suits on and that kind of stuff. Whenever you would go

open a cubicle and someone has just fucking wrecked it in there. I'm always was like how did this we're in a nightclub yeah like what what's happening yeah what does wrecked it look like like just shit everywhere have you never vomiting i understand vomiting i understand right i'm not shit and the women's i mean i you know there's a at least if you go to a like a popular like a gross doof doof place right okay i'd, I'd wager every night of the week, someone is just filling up a toilet.

I guess that's what I was going to say. I've never had to do that myself, but the first time I ever took ecstasy, I was like, oh, now I get it. And you flushed your suit. Yeah. Who could this be? Just in underwear.

I don't know, guys. I weirdly shit my suit but not my underwear. You always carry spare underwear in your breast pocket. This mirror ball tuxedo could be anyone's though, to be fair. Well, does anyone else do it? Maybe someone does this as a bit, but I think, And I do it though

Whenever I'm going If I'm going out for three days I will pack four pairs of underwear I pack nine And there's this subconscious thing That's like What if I shit myself Oh it's not that

I think that's what it is for me I think it's like If it's a particularly like Warm day Like you get a bit too sweaty Or whatever I don't sweat Pick

Take more than you need You take nine I just never know what's going to happen. Do you know what I mean? Like I've been stuck in airports. I just You could go on the run. Yes, exactly. So I always bring my passport with me for a while in Australia. So just carry it

around. You never know when you just need to leave. It's like a Jew hand me down feeling. You just always have to be able to get on a train. It took me a few times overseas to stop wearing the stop wearing the fanny pack with the with the with the um uh passport in it right strapped under your clothes like i'd be oh yeah the passport holder for you yeah like a ball proof vest like under the shirt and me just walking around sort of like a gunslinger sort

of psyching people up like someone was like fucking gonna grab my passport off me yeah well i knew somebody when I was in Thailand. This chick had been on a bus on one of the overnight buses. What was her name? I might know her. Yeah, yeah.

I'm sure you didn't sleep with her. Or maybe you did before. Before. Anyway, before whatever. Yes. Yes. I've been sleeping with his wife. I think all bets are off.

I've been sleeping with his wife before. Anyway, your poor wife. But so she, this chick. Fuck you, I guess. No, I'm just kidding. I'm like, okay. wife before you anyway put your poor wife but um so she this chick fuck you i guess i'm like okay um no she's so lucky he gets the sympathy now he's like i fucked your wife and now i'm now everyone feels sorry for reese what about me he's fucking my wife your wife is lovely but i'm gay and i had to fuck a woman right exactly so poor me, basically. You know what? I want my own envelope.

I'm going to start one at the halfway mark. So this chick was on this 24-hour bus in Thailand and I met her after and everybody passed out. It was one of those crazy things where they think they were gassed because she woke up and she had a fanny pack thing on with her passport and woke up without it and without her money. And everybody else had the same thing.

Oh my God. Everyone on the bus woke up. I think I think they just dropped them off and left some Bane shit yeah yeah

but they dropped them off and left and I kind of didn't believe her but it was true they were gassed though well she thinks that's what happened

because everybody fell asleep to the point where or the driver was like shots for everyone yeah yeah I'm Italian I live in Thailand

you should go to Thailand tours everyone get on the bus but that's what they thought that they'd been and that was like the thing that people were saying at the time

I don't know if so I was right after so no I wasn't right because even if you wear it underneath if you get gassed they're going to grab it it was 2012

that's truly like something out of a cartoon yeah that makes no sense it's like Jigglypuff got on the bus and just put everyone to sleep oh little creatures

and a little thumb for us but that was yeah that was, yeah, that was because otherwise it's like, how does somebody go? And hers was not up like above her waist. It was like in her jeans. So they would have had to go like right in her jeans and get the passport. This story took a dark turn.

The story where everyone got gassed. Has gone back. Now you know how it feels. Just to go back to the cubicle thing, I was in a food court the other day and I went into the bathroom in there and I went to go use one of the cubicles and I opened the door.

It was the only one free. I opened the door to it and it was like wrecked beyond anything I've ever seen before in my life. And I make an involuntary noise. Like I lay eyes on it and go, But wait, the toilet or the cubicle? The toilet, but just like, phew. Wait, the toilet or the cubicle? The toilet,

but just like, not quite overflowing, but like, right on the, you know when you like, you prank a friend, like you pour them a glass of water and you get it like right up to the brim.

Yeah, yeah. I think it's meniscus. That's what it's called, like the bubble at the top of the cup. You really put a lot into this. It's shit meniscus. Shit meniscus, yeah. Welcome to the stage,

shit meniscus. That's my new drag name. So I see that and, like, make a noise. I then turn and walk back the other way out of the bathroom. But, like, there's a guy who's been walking to me who's, like, right near me who kind of clocks the look on my face of just horror. And then I sort of see him look scared. But I kind of also see this look of, like of like well i've got to check this out for

myself so he like pushes past me and then i like from over my shoulder i hear him go and so it's just now everyone's just coming in having the same there's a lineup yeah i kind of wanted to stand at the front of the bathroom like pt barnum and just welcome people like guys do even if you're just using the urinal do yourself a favor and put the extra steps roll up and come and see the bearded turd. But then the other weird thing about this bathroom on the way out, there was like one of those condom machines like you get in airports and stuff. This is just in a food court in a shopping centre.

Isn't that bizarre? Like children are going in and using this bathroom and you can like buy a franger to go have a fuck out. Cleaners gotta fuck too, man. Cleaners gotta fuck. What about, this is my one and only question about public bathrooms and that is, who are the people

that are putting the two rolls of toilet paper down the toilet? Teenagers. Gotta be teenagers. But no, it can't be. I've been in offices,

I've been in all walks of life, there's always a toilet where someone is putting... Yeah. I've shit in a lot of different places, man. I've travelled. I've travelled and shat.

Someone putting way too much toilet paper. Just clogging it. Clogging it. Yeah, right. I'll make a little nest. Yeah, same, because it cushions the sound. Yeah, but a tiny one. You're not putting like...

Yeah, yeah, no, I'm not. Like a sparrow's nest. Yeah, everyone's sat next to someone just doing the... See, I can't do it anywhere except... Like, I will not really let it happen much outside of my own home. I mean, obviously, everyone's preference. But your virgin lounges are really the only, like, or any airport lounge. What about, like, Delta?

Okay, so virgin, yeah. Like, any, because it's roof to floor doors. Oh. Like, I'm very, like, very shit shy. Okay. Really? Do you know what I mean? So you make, so you're saying you've made a nest. Like I'm very shit shy Really?

So you're saying you've made a nest I've never thought of that before Is that a common thing? I don't waste paper But I'll put a bit of buffer I'll put two, three squares down Like in the bowl? Man, have you never heard of this before? Have you just gotten non-stop wet arses

For the last 32 years? I've done mopping up when there's needed to be Mopping up done So that it doesn't splash you No, I've never done that For me it's like a sound thing Yeah Not only have I never done it

I've never heard of it being done So you're the guy You're the The splash, the farts he's not that guy though unless i don't think you're talking well i think you two need to get on the same page about what the sound is yeah you're talking about like rolling the big old mess yeah paper yeah but that's that that i i thought that you were just like thinking about somebody just shit shit shit no that's a weird sound effect I thought he was like coiling

what did you think the sound effects meant on Batman well I used to be and I think you used to do a bit about it and then in turn I did a bit oh no you talked about it you did a tweet or something that led me to find out that you stand up I feel like we've talked about this on the pod maybe.

Do you avoid the splash by standing? Is that what you do? Do you stand up and shit? No, Tommy, you look so embarrassed. To wipe. Maybe you were on the pod when we talked about this. I feel like this was a discussion we had on the pod. I think it was a tweet and then there was a conversation.

Josh Earl was involved. Okay. Obviously. About standing up to wipe. Yes. Right. And it never occurred to me before. That's the thing that really splits people because whoever talks about it. Why would you stand up to wipe. Yes. Right. And it never occurred to me before. That's the thing that really splits people

because whoever talks about it. Why would you stand to wipe though? Why would you do that? I don't know. Why would you sit? Because you're already sitting. And it's a... Yeah, but I'm bored of it now.

I want to stretch my legs. What? What's happening in there? You can be more thorough. When you do your daily 45-minute shit. But look, that makes sense to some degree because you're standing up because you, otherwise you're just sort of jamming your hand underneath yourself while you're sitting down. Now I'm just imagining you like a toddler standing in the doorway of a toilet waiting

for your mum to like, but a fully grown man. Yeah, yeah. I've never really thought about why. It's just like, that's, I guess how I got taught to do it. Take it up with my parents. You need to start watching YouTube tutorials on how to go to the toilet. Oh, yeah. I wonder if there are any.

Stuff like that, though. Like the... Girls are just always taught to... Front to back. Front to back. I was not taught that. But yes, most girls are. Side to side.

Circular. Start in the middle and you work outwards. I was just taught... Like a lollipop. Don't wipe. No, you need it. You needwards. Like a lollipop. Don't wipe. No, you need it. You need it. No, I was never taught.

It's good dirt. It's good dirt. They're good germs. Yeah, right. But I guess you just kind of work stuff out as well. You just keep things fine. Just be a clean human. I figured out that you don't have shit on you.

Never have shit on you. If you can, never have shit on you. Well, I don't know. You do your best I think yeah well it's like a thing it's like a thing that my people do

is like douching and stuff which has never occurred to me like people like oh douche their asses though yeah yeah but like it's just

if you keep it if you keep a clean area you really don't need to do that because that's yeah you revealing that to someone you saying like yeah I douche pretty regularly it's like what that's revealing is

I do such a substandard job when I'm in there the rest of the time that I need a fucking heavy duty hose. It's for the insides. It's for the insides. But if you have enough fibre in your diet, boys, you're not going to have that issue. Oh. So is that a thing that you keep in mind when you order?

No, no, no. We don't need to talk about it directly, but that's not a problem for me. Right, okay. But you're the winner. All righty-do. need to talk about it directly but we i don't i that's that's not a problem for me right okay um but it's not part of the conversation in picking up now what's the fiber like in your diet like what am i in for metamucil yeah i i was so happily would you like a cocktail or a nutrigrain or what is a um i would so happily be the face of of uh uh what were we just talking about in many ways i am um of uh no the powder orange powder we met a muscle i would so happily be the face of really oh just because i think it's a miracle wonder thing that young people should

have and really it's the best every day like vegetables yes sometimes twice really it just it just it changes your life. What does it do exactly? It like just streamlines everything. Wait, but what about coffee? Yeah, no, but it also does the opposite as well. Like coffee and Metamucil together make... It's like a superhero of shitting.

It's a superhero of shitting. So Metamucil is what... Solid, good, clean, done. Right. I've never used it. So spell out exactly what it does. It just cleans everything out. Is that what it does?

No, it's just kind of like it's high fiber. It just like keeps... Keeps you regular. Keeps you regular. Oh, right. Yeah. But it's like, yeah, you get like a big shit of all the stuff that's just hanging out in there. Yeah, it all just comes out.

Okay. So it's sort of like some people are, you know, taking protein powder every day to kind of bulk themselves up. You're doing the opposite. You're using a powder to kind of have less weight on you. Yeah, I've used many powders over the years to do that. I think there's people listening to this... You can't be the face of that, though. That you are.

I'm the bleeding nose. He must be doing pretty well for himself. He's the face of it. Rhys Nicholson, the official spokesman for Metamucil. You've got to get this going. Absolutely. There was a while there where once a month as a joke I tweeted them. But you know when you do that thing where you're like,

I'm doing this as a joke, but if this works out, I'm fine with this. Is there like a – what embarrassing product would you use? That's what I was doing that day. I was trying to become the face of standing up to wipe your ass. The official spokesman. Has anybody ever like messaged you about it from the podcast? This was ages ago. This was, like, years ago.

I do remember it being a real, like, everyone thinks that the way that they do it is just the way everyone does it. And people being like, what the fuck? You mean there's another way? You don't ever see, unless it's what you want to do, you never see anyone do that. No, you're right. You don't watch a movie and, you know,

see James Bond walk into a cubicle and wipe his ass a certain way and go, oh, fuck, that's the cool way to do it. I guess maybe... He shook his ass and just snorted. That's what you should be the face of. Next time you're on TV, just let them film you while you wipe your ass. Yeah.

I guess maybe if you had like a scat fetish, right, and you were getting down and dirty with someone in that nature, then you would probably learn about the sitting down versus standing up earlier than anyone else. Right. You know what I mean? Because you've just done it and then you're like, what the fuck are you doing?

You stand up to do that? Yeah. Have you guys used squat toilets? Over a coffee table. Squat toilets. Is that like... I have, yes. that i have that in japan uh some uh probably not as much it's like where you have like the two foot like well it's

a lot of asia um indonesia china yeah and it was all over india and in the beginning i was like i would never but then at the end you're like oh they have a squat toilet not just a hole in the ground and so you're pretty grateful for it but it's like you can literally climb on some toilets you can climb onto the toilet seat and they have little wings that you can stand on oh and then you crouch and it's libra it's actually kind of amazing like in the beginning it was like what's better for you right it's way better and it's really good for your flexibility i found my lower chakra was a lot more. Nice. Is that what you're calling? I had to use one in China when I was there and I fell into it because my core and glute strength was not what it is today. Really?

Wow. You fell in a toilet. I fell into the toilet. Like a turd you are. Do you fall into, was it like a flexible one? See, if you hadn't made a nest, you would have been fine. Then the basement flooded. No, because I would have fallen onto what's on top of the nest.

The nest would have done nothing to help me. Do you not have to – so you're not leaning on anything? No. So some places like in India and in Thailand, they have them on the train. So they have a bar for you to hold on to so you don't fucking fall over into the toilet. That's nice.

But for the most part, no. You're just, like, squatting. It's just like squatting. Like, you would just squat. And I don't know if this is a good thing, but, like, are there disabled toilets? Oh. Interesting. No.

India is cancelled. There's a hole in the ground, and next to it, there to it there's a hole in the ground with a bar. No, there's no... And the hole in the ground is kind of bigger and you want to use that one but you're terrified you're going to get caught. The other hole's busy though. Why can't I just use it?

And you're terrified when you come out of that hole there's going to be a person in a wheelchair waiting for you. I have a whole list of excuses that I have. Oh, really? You've got a go-to? Oh, yeah, yeah. Because my go-to is if somebody ever tries to shame me, I'll just say not all disabilities are visible.

Okay, nice. And of course it's like I don't have a disability, but I don't want to be shamed. How dare you? There are 20 people with disabilities listening to this podcast. I know, I know. And let's be honest, there is. And if I say that to you, I am lying to your face and I'm sorry.

But I just wanted to poop alone. Maybe that's your disability. You're a big liar. Yes. Exactly. I'm a liar. No, but it's really an ability because people who can't lie are disabled in a way. So you should use the truth.

You're right. It's not a disability. You can do something. You actually cracked my brain right on. That's a level of logic that Trump would be pretty good at. Thank you. My hero. What's that i'm nothing yeah well anyway he always has to work his way into everything yeah this is what i think about trump i was thinking about um do we have to we have to hear about me falling in the toilet yeah

yeah i'd rather do that it's a similar story yeah he already was i went in there because i was like desperate i was like walking around i started to feel really quick i was like i need a dunny right now i find this place and it's like yeah there's no it's just squats and i'm like well i'm gonna I went in there because I was like desperate. I was like walking around. I started to feel really quick. I was like, I need a dunny right now. I find this place and it's like, yeah, there's no, it's just squats. And I'm like, well, I'm going to have to do this. Otherwise I am going to shit my pants. But how did you squat? And then I do that.

And then I like end up falling in a bit of it anyway. And I'm like, well, the result has just been exactly the same. But were you like hover squatting or did you squat squat? I was like squat squatting. Yeah. I always after a long plane ride have a like my tummy is just she's not a she's not a good lady uh and after why does it have to be a woman it's the part of you that's not good um i know she makes a lot of noise

my asshole that's a guy if that's the thing that came out about me, I'm a huge misogynist. It's boats as cars and as tummies. They're all girls. Tornadoes or whatever. Hurricanes. I went overseas and was waiting. Kyron was coming a few hours later from here and I had to wait

and there was like a diner. It was in LA and there was like a diner nearby and I was like, oh, maybe I'll go and eat. And then I was like eating and then my gut was just like, oh, real soon. Yeah. And clearly I think they just don't want people to do heroin or something in this because the bathroom was, I walked into the bathroom, there was a urinal on one side and then a

curtain, like a hospital bed curtain that went around a toilet. And the curtain, I'm not exaggerating, was I reckon, how high do you reckon that is? Like almost two, nearly three feet two feet two feet two feet above the ground so zero privacy like the and i just i could like i even you didn't do it i didn't do it my body went into shutdown as if like absolutely not this isn't happening that's not that there's a curtain that's not zero privacy that's like one privacy. But like... But the curtain, you didn't feel like the kind of showbiz appeal of that? Let's put on a show.

If there'd been like a spotlight and a microphone, you would have been fine. Yeah. Start spreading my turf. Do you want to see me make something appear? Start spreading my arse. Wow, that's my country. It's leaving today.

I think it was just like a, it was just a, please don't do drugs. Like it's a, it's a shitty diner right near the airport. Please don't do drugs. Please don't do cocaine.

But do you notice that the toilets in the US, like we don't, there's not much privacy. Like there's always a gap in the airport. Please don't do drugs. Please don't do coke in here. But do you notice that the toilets in the US, there's not much privacy. There's always a gap in the door. It always goes up really high. When I was younger, I went to the UK and then I came here later or whatever. And I was like, wow, they have doors on toilets.

It's almost like they don't want anyone to see them while they shit. Yeah, yeah. We just like it. We just like to watch. I went to a market a few years ago that was held. It was in a primary school on a weekend, and I went to use the bathroom there,

and I had to go to use a cubicle. But because it's a primary school, all the doors and barriers were really low. All the doors and the barriers were really low, and for whatever reason, there happened to be a bunch of other men in there shitting at the same time. So these barriers end here. As we're sitting down at nose level, it's just a bunch of other men in there shitting at the same time. But so like these barriers end here. As we're sitting down like at nose level, it's just been a bunch of

other fellas just all making eye contact. Wow. So it's come to this, hey boys? Yeah, I mean that's, I never thought of that, but that's the equivalent of, you know, when all the guys are lining up at the urinal. Like, why can't you do that when you're shitting as well? You know, just look at each other. Have a chat. Look down at the size of people's arses next to you.

Yeah. Pick out what you want. Yeah. Look at each other. Have a chat. Look down at the size of people's arses next to you. Pick out what you want. So the first time I ever went overseas, I went to... God, so many people hate this episode. Yeah, I know. I know. I wouldn't listen to this episode. As soon as we get a segue out of shitting and toilets, let's take it. But you've got to go pretty soon.

And go right off the cliff on a Segway. Yeah. So first time I went overseas, first time on a plane, went to Japan. The first proper night out, I was in Narita, Narita, however you pronounce it, which is an airport town. Yeah. And it was still pretty old school there compared to like Shibuya in Tokyo,

stuff like that. It's like an hour and a half train or something from Tokyo. Yes. So it's like it's where you go to fly to Tokyo but you're so far away from Tokyo. That's a fast train. Yeah, it's a little bit villagey. You're like, I know about Japan. Japan, broom, broom train.

Quick time. Quick time So Quick time So I went to I went to Like a restaurant Where very I was struggling for the word for that in English Call it over there I went to an eating house

It's my first time in this country guys He's been so put off his appetite By the previous 15 minutes of discussion That he's even forgotten the word For a place where food is I don't want to eat ever again So I went to a restaurant And

Like again Not in Tokyo So not Not used to dealing With people speaking English Stuff like that So I'm in there I'm eating traditional I'm drinking a lot I'm trying I've got a like that. So I'm in there. I'm eating traditional.

I'm drinking a lot. I've got a phrase book out and I'm like trying to speak Japanese with the people that work there and the people that are customers there. Oh, so much money to see this. Yes, yes. So much money. I'm getting like turned on. First time overseas, straight from Maryborough.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I hadn't even lived in Melbourne at this point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hadn't even lived in Melbourne at this point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. And you went to Japan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm eating traditional. I'm drinking traditional.

I'm out of the country about six months of the year, and I want to go to Japan, but I'm a little nervous, too, because of all these reasons. I just imagine you try to fuck with them, and you're like, I've written one of your names in an envelope. And they're like, what? I've written something. I assume that's what your name looks like. I just imagine you trying to fuck with them and you're like, I've written one of your names in an envelope. And they're like, what? I've written something.

I assume that's what your name looks like. I saw it on a guy at the beach who was tattooed on his neck. I'd love to see this footage of you

in this restaurant. You're probably like 22 or something like that? No, 27. Okay. So this is in the 80s? Yeah. Very nice.

Very nice, my friend. You're taking the pebble from Tommy's hand. So I'm in there and I'm like, you know what? I'm going to blend right in. I'm going to be like these guys. I'm going to be like. You put on a kimono. Yeah.

You're so white bread, you would blend in in Japan like white bread. Yes. Yes. They don't eat much bread there, guys. Actually, they kind of in in Japan like white bread. Yes. Yes. They don't eat much bread there, guys. Actually, they kind of do. But anyway, it was a good joke anyway. Yes. For everyone.

So I'm ordering. I don't know what I'm ordering. I'm having whatever they give me. And I'm ordering more again because I'm trying to be really nice to these guys. And I'm drinking. I'm trying to keep up with people that are drinking in there as well i get absolutely blind i am off my head i am just i'm i'm now just saying just yeah yeah just give us whatever you want were you drinking sake i don't know i can't remember it was just whatever stuff is whatever they thought was good i was just saying you you guys are the locals just give me whatever you whatever you want and so i'm doing whatever

they want and then and i'm thinking i'm thinking i'm like blending in and yeah you know as i as we go on and on i'm seeing that them get they're getting more and more testy with me and i'm thinking well what what's the problem i'm trying to do what you guys do i'm getting drunk and whatever so anyway they're they're not really enjoying my work by this stage so then i go to the toilet for the first time because i've got quite an iron constitution, actually. He's never shit before. Some would say he's full of shit. He waves his ass sleeping.

So I go to the bathroom and they've got the different toilets in there. They've got the squat toilets in there. And I'm like, you know, like however many beers I am at this stage, I'm just like, fucking hell, look at this. So I get out, you know, I'm 27. I get out the old school camera with the flash on,

start taking pictures of the toilet from outside. Half the role of my time in Japan is a toilet that I saw once. They come in. They kick me out for taking pictures of a toilet. They get offended. I'm taking pictures of a toilet they get offended I'm taking pictures of a toilet and I get the ass how do you take

offence to someone taking a picture of an empty toilet that's so great because it's just like I don't know of all the reasons

to get kicked out I mean there's so many reasons that I would imagine they would kick you out but that was the one for me to be drunk and you know

like yelling out in the restaurant whatever but I'm just taking photos. Having a crack at the language, doing the eyes. Yeah. But you know when you're having an argument with your partner, it's never really about

what you're actually arguing about. Right, right. Like, they're kicking you out for all the other reasons. Right, right. Like, they got Al Capone on tax evasion. Yeah, right, right. He's gone into the toilet. Let's just assume he's doing something weird in there.

Something weird. Kick him out And kick him out I imagine if it was a movie you would have been pushed out And then your phrase book would have been And just hit you on the back of the head Perfect And I would have gone Eve would have gone

Oh wow he took a shit on his head I wouldn't have understood The phrase book that's dog-eared on the page Where's the shitter Did you ever use one of the Water jets in Japan On your butt The phrasebook that's doggied on the page, where's the shitter? It just comes flying out after you. Did you ever use one of the water jets in Japan on your butt? Yeah. Not that time.

I didn't get to, unfortunately. I've never used one of those. If you're ever lonely in a hotel room, you know, can't go wrong. Just waterboard your arsehole. Yeah, yeah. I'll make you talk. No, but a lot of places in Thailandailand like still uh they say like last time we went oliver clark uh uh this this june when we went to the final coast movie international

podcast festival oliver clark hit me up to go man you should see this place i'm staying in it's it's got a sign on the wall saying don't use toilet paper what a practical joke they've played on me and i'm like that's not a practical joke you're not supposed to use toilet paper yeah he's just like oh what a what a classic fucking crack up this is over here in thailand it's like that's why there's a water jet there you shove that up your ass well you don't you water your ass or they they put the toilet in like bins yes next to it right yeah but you do but you you jet first no well i mean in in korea no like in kore in Korea and China you just put your juice top of it in the bin oh no

yeah so it was pretty gross but you get used to it thank you yeah fuck we nearly got out of toilet talk there for a second

yeah yeah me being in a Japanese restaurant oh no but then I asked about the thing the story about you being kicked out of the toilet

was meant to be a metaphor for us being kicked out of the chat about the toilet well then we came back around I have to go I need to know kicked out of the toilet was meant to be a metaphor for us being kicked out of the chat about the toilet. Yeah, right. Well, then we came back around. I have to go on a second, but I need to know. Oh, okay.

Yeah, we're getting near the end. Oh, yeah. So is it time to check in on the envelope? Is it time? Is this it? We're getting near the end, yeah. Is near the end the end, or I think Eve needs it to be the end?

Yeah, it's the end. I can only imagine if I turned up to Carl's gig as late as I'm going to be to this one, he would tell me to go fuck myself. Yes. But it's someone else's gig. Fortunately, not'm going to be to this one, he would tell me to go fuck myself. Yes. But it's someone else's gig. Fortunately, not my gig. Who cares?

Yeah, yeah, exactly. All right. Okay. Well, this is it. All right. Let's go. This is the, let's open the. Wow.

This is like watching the masked singer. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway. All right. Let's all hold hands. Everybody's a winner. Do we want to guess who we think it is?

Yeah, you guess. You guess. I mean. Is this a trick? I said at the start of the episode I was going to be disappointed by someone. I think it's Nick Capper. He has been pretty shit on this episode, to be fair. I haven't said a word. Nick, say something.

Given the content, though, it feels like he's been here. Is it Metamucil? Oh. Oh, and I just felt it's been pretty shit. All right, don't laugh. Yeah, yeah. What do you think?

Who do you think? I mean, I think it's me. I think... That's because I've met Carl before. I feel like he would think it was me more than you. Well, you know what? I think it's me.

So really, the experiment here has said more about what we all think of ourselves than what Carl thinks about us. But then Carl said he's not in it, right? You're not in it? All right, let's see.

I wrote down who I was going to be disappointed by, and this is who it is. Comedy. Go fuck yourself. In a way, I wish you just said, you could have said me. It would have meant more than this bullshit. Look at how self-centered you are. I wish you had said you thought I was shit.

Why is this about me? I mean, gaslighting bullshit. Just one of you is a disappointment. I love all of you. You're so funny. Go fuck yourself. In a Haha, I love all of you. You're so funny. Go fuck yourself. In a way, we're all comedy. We're all disappointed, Carl.

It's so sad that none of us were in there and we all thought it was us. It's so depressing. I'm going to put my own name in an envelope now because I'm disappointed. Just draw your own raffle whenever you want. Just write your own name, put it in an envelope Pull it out every morning Terrible name I joked about Jared Leto putting cum into an envelope

Not too far off, there was a bit of masturbation going on And we were equally amused Can I ask, what's the envelope? The second hand envelope that you ended up using Tell me you didn't go fucking find that envelope More depressing, it's just my tax return from my accountant I've got to be late guys

I need to go get this envelope I pulled it out I didn't even look at it I pulled it out to get the envelope and my wife's like oh have you looked at it I'm like no

that's not important I need this for a little gag I'm about to do on a podcast a sight gag well really worth it I guess we'd better wrap it up Eve you've got to run off to a gig

guys thank you very much for joining us. Eve Ellenbogen and Rhys Nicholson. Eve, what have you got coming up? Anything? You've got socials? Yeah, my Instagram is Eve Elbow. Very confusingly. Elbow means Ellenbogen in German.

Ellenbogen means Elbow in German. It's not that confusing. Anyway, and then I have two. To you. I mean, that's so confusing. And to German people, of which we have no listeners. Right. And then I have to you and to German people of which we have no listeners right and then I have two shows

in the comedy festival which I'm just registering at the moment one is called Hot Garbage it's a split show with my friend Catherine from New York

and the other one is called Dirty Clean which is a split show with another Jew named Benji and I wanted to call it Dirty Jews but he didn't

why don't you just put them together and do a solo show? Because I don't want to do everything on my own this year. Doing two seems easier than doing one. Yeah, but it's like they're international. Absolutely. Oh, that'd be so nice.

Yeah, it's like it'll be fun with my friends. I say this now like we're not going to speak in six months, but now they're my friends. You're doing two half shows. That equals one show. Yeah. It's very transparent here. She's going to get her two friends to do all the work for the show it's totally the other way around they're international they don't know anything about it i also think it's so much easier to write two half an hour like i've been one hour well the dirty one is just my dirty material it's like just my material and

then the other one i'm gonna i'm working on stuff for right i want to do a similar thing for melbourne because i'm not doing a solo show but i want to do like a Rhys Nichols and Friends style show because I'll have something. I'll be there. Thank you. Yeah, come on by. Put my name in the envelope. Just because, yeah.

But I am, am I allowed to plug my thing? Yeah. Can I plug my thing? No, it's just me. Your career is doing too well. A bit of big old taping coming up. I'm filming a special

at the Athenaeum Theatre on the 30th of November. Please come. It's like getting full. Is it this year's comedy festival show? It's the last two years. It's mostly the last two years kind of smashed together. It's the best of the last two years.

Right. The best of the best of. The best of the best of. The best of the best of. Let's keep saying that until I pass out. Yeah, but I don't know. It'll be good. It'll be like an hour and a half, I think, just talking and stuff. I don't know. It'll be good. It'll be like an hour

and a half, I think, and just talking and stuff. We don't know who it's filmed for, but come on by. November the 30th, come and see Rhys in a big old fancy theatre

in Melbourne. Always, if you haven't seen Rhys live, always great, always rapturous responses for you during the comedy festival. So yeah,

well worth purchasing a ticket for. Very, very strong stand-up. The sort of strength of stand-up that you only get before you get super, super famous

and then can't be fucked with stand-up anymore. Yeah, yeah. And some would say I might have gotten there before I got famous. Not even famous. Can't give a shit.

Anyway. Same venue that we will be in next June. Ooh. We're at Walmart for the 500th episode. Something like that, yeah.

All right, guys. We'd better wrap it up for another week. Thanks very much for joining us, and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. Bye, boys. Bye. And they've done it again. Too true.

No, true enough, actually. Not too true. Not too true? Yeah. Yeah, it's right on the nose. It's just right. It's trueness. It's not slightly untrue.

Yep. It's not offensively over-true. Yep. It's the third bed in Goldilocks. Yeah, exactly. Good stuff from us and others. Fun episode. What should we get into?

The fact we touched on that. I'm going to Thailand. Yeah, this is a rare one. Hold the presses. This is a rare one where we're doing Talking Dumb Dumb immediately after we've recorded the episode. So you can actually talk about what happened in the episode because you haven't forgotten it all already. Yes, exactly. Quite often you're messaging me on the way over here to do Talking Dumb Dumb going,

what did we do in the episode? Yeah, no idea. That's how cool my life is. I've got so much other shit going on that I forget what's happening. See, I just go into basically hibernation between episodes. I'm just in the cryogenic chamber just focusing on nothing but the previous episode. Quotes from the previous episode over and over. What I do is I listen back to the episode.

I transcribe it all out and then I walk around the apartment and I kind of perform it to myself like a little play. And you've got to write the subtitles out for the blind listeners. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. So, yeah, two different ways of living.

That's what makes the show so good. I'm going to Thailand. Big news. As of time of recording, basically when this comes out i'll be just about back so if you if you're really into the show and you're on the socials all the time you'll know this you'll be well aware of the fact of this that i'm over there by now oh yeah you're gonna go are you gonna go ham on the gram once you get over there i want to go to ham but i'll do a bit yeah for sure because i well i find this slightly interesting it's the the and you know this but

i'll tell the listeners. Originally, I was going to go with the family, with the new family. They pulled the pin, both of them. Both of them decided against it. I mean, one of them can't crawl or walk or talk or anything, but she put her foot down. She can say, fuck this. Yeah. That was her first words.

Fuck off, Dad. Yeah. Hey, she said Dad. Not again. Wow. That's weird um it hasn't even happened oh it's happened once with her yeah she's been alive for that um so anyway that didn't work out i then said to my wife but i can still go can't i she said to placate me at the time yes of course you can then when it when it actually come to it, she was like, you're not serious, are you? I'm like, I absolutely am. So then somehow I've gotten away with it.

Her friends are incredulous how she's let me do this. I think everyone on God's green earth is incredulous as to how she's let you do this. Yes, but daddy needs a holiday. So I have been working pretty hard. I'm pretty fried. So anyway, I am going for a week, not by myself, in that we were going to go somewhere else because they pulled a pin.

Then weirdly, coincidentally, Adam Rosenbach hits me up and goes, I'm going to Coastal Millie. What's there to do there? And I was like, well, I guess drink with me for a couple of days now, now that I know you're there. So I am actually going back to Costa Mili. I did say to myself in my head, I'm not going back there.

I did actually say that. Yeah, sure, whatever. Offensive that you think anyone believes that, but sure. Well, I kind of believed it. It's like Greek fleet. No, I'm better now. I'm different. I've changed.

Damn. Am I him? Damn it. You're Thailand fleeting. Damn it. fleet mentor no i'm better now i'm different i've changed damn am i him damn it you're thailand i'm a changed man oh can i have 20 baht it's like one dollar that's even worse um yeah so i did anyway he's going to be there for a couple of days so he's there right now it's time of recording um so i'm going to go and meet with him for a few days and uh and he's taken all my recommendations so far and he's absolutely loving it so i. And he's taken all my recommendations so far and is absolutely loving it. So I've been holding back some of the recommendations so I can go there with him.

Oh, right. He'd never been before? I think he's been to Samui once like years and years and years ago. Right, okay. Yeah. So he was like, oh, I remember vaguely this one place on one. I was like, forget it, mate. Forget what you've been to before.

You're doing the Chandler reality tour, right? So that's what we're doing. So yeah, he's been to certain places. Plenty of places to go when I, left to go when I get there tomorrow night. I'm, yeah, yeah. You'll see all about it on the socials. People will be over this by the time they hear this. Yes.

Because we're doing this a week in advance. Yes, totally. So I basically get back. If you hear this fresh off the presses, off the audio presses, I get back the next day, I believe. Something like that. Yep. Yep.

So, yeah, we did record a few episodes back to back. So, I could do that. Mm-hmm. And here we are. Here we are. Mm. Wrapping it up. Yeah.

On the eve of your big trip. Yeah. It's pretty exciting. Are you excited? Not really because I'm still trying to get all my shit done. Yeah. I've done this before. It's sort of a nice surprise.

All of a sudden you're on the plane. You haven't thought about it at all. Oh, I love that. And then you're on the plane going, oh, fuck, this is what's happening. The 48 hours leading up to a flight are the worst. And then as soon as you put the seatbelt on, that's a great feeling. You know what?

I was even thinking this today because I've just been that fried from doing shit. I don't do this. Usually I work on the plane. I might treat myself. I might go full Tommy Daslow and watch four movies. I do a mix, but I definitely do enjoy the downtime of taking down

at least one movie on a plane. Yeah. Not a big movie doer on the plane these days. Depends what it is. Right. I mean, a good drama or whatever, there's definitely things where I'm like, no, I'd rather watch that on the TV at home. Right.

But it's also a good way to guarantee that you're actually going to absorb it and not be distracted by pausing it 10 minutes in and checking your phone or whatever it is right yeah yeah yeah yeah sure um yeah no i think i might try and do that just to get into relaxation mode though because like if you work on the plane it's like you're still you're still back there i want to i want to sort of get in my head at the moment i'm not really going but at the same time if you have anything that you know you're going to have to kind of do when you're there maybe. Yeah, yeah. I do like working on the plane because it's like if I do this now, then I know once I'm there, I don't have to think about it.

I do that more and more. Yeah, okay. Yeah, well, we'll see. We're recording this, then I have to get home, do more work um and then i'll see how much i've got left oh you know what to be honest maybe i am kidding myself i've got fucking that much that maybe i will be working on the plane but we'll see we'll see um but yeah just going over there for the kosamuni international podcast fringe festival really oh is that on now yeah yeah right who's doing that uh me okay just half of this show. Yeah, right.

Okay, that is pretty fringe. Well, yeah, that is very fringe. What size venue? Very half-assed. What size venue are you in? I'm on the beach again. Okay. Yeah, so.

Same part of the beach or different part? Yeah, same part of the beach. Okay. So, yeah, it's going to be, I don't expect the same numbers as the festival. That's big of you. Yeah. It's not very big of the crowd but yeah

how many people do you think how many people do you need to break even uh it's god uh you know what fuck

we talked about this at the time after the festival finished last time the the guy that owns a bar or manages a bar over there in Samui

oh yeah yeah maybe I should go to that bar the guy that I that in June when we did the podcast festival there's a bar over there in Samui. Oh, yeah, yeah. Maybe I should go to that bar. The guy that in June when we did the podcast festival, there's a guy that lives there, didn't come to any of it. Maybe I should go to his bar, confront this guy. Yeah. I don't know.

Do you really want to reward him though? Oh, yeah, you're right. Coming back around and even just having two beers, that's kind of too much. He did nothing. He didn't support you. Yeah, you're right. Coming back around and, you know, even just having two beers, that's kind of too much. Yeah. He did nothing. He didn't support you. Yeah, you're right. I'm going to buy him beers off him.

Because now you get to do it back to him. It was like he's aware of you and us and we come there and he doesn't bother going. Yeah. Right? But now it's like you go back. You're aware of his bar. You could be visiting his bar.

Yeah. You just don't do it. Yeah. It's like, hey, you had a listener that runs a business right down the road that you could have gone his bar. You could be visiting his bar. Yeah. You just don't do it. Yeah. It's okay. You had a listener that runs a business right down the road that you could have gone and support. Why would I do that when I could do anything else instead? You're right. That'd be really bad if I go, you know, because a good chance of being out with Adam Rosenbach,

his friend of the show, there and going, you know what? And saying to him, you know what? There's a listener that's over here and he runs a bar. The next natural sentence is, fuck, well, let's go there and have a beer with him and then i go there and then he and we sort of think well at least we get a couple of free beers no free beers no free beers i would debate the next natural sentence being let's go and meet this guy if you're rosie i can see the next natural sentence being get fucked why would we want to go see this nerd okay okay i'm just thinking i'm putting myself into the mindset of like six to eight beers in

and going, well, that's something. We've been sitting here drinking for a while. Let's go and see something else and something might happen. Yeah, true. Did you see, and I found this interesting about Rosie specifically going to Thailand. Did you see he put on Instagram, he put a photo of the little medical card that he's had to take about not having peanuts in any of his food that is translated into Thai because he's big time peanut allergy.

Is there a name for it? No, that's it, big time. Big time. He's got big time ears. Yeah, anaphylactic. Anaphylactic. He's anaphylactic. Yeah, fuck.

And there's a pretty decent peanut usage in the cuisine. Absolutely. I would think if you were in his position – I reckon the Changs have got peanuts in them. I would think if you were him, you would just be going, well, this is just a country I can't even go to. That's a shame. Absolutely.

This won't surprise you, but I've been talking to him every day on the socials and giving my tips to him every day and uh he i sent to a night market and i just forgot all about all that sort of stuff and he's like i said oh this night market's on this night and he's there going it's fucking great uh peanut allergy though so uh i'm struggling to eat anything off the you know street food yeah yeah i'm like oh of course yeah they fucking love it so it has actually now that i'm really thinking about i'm like i'm oh, a mate's there. I'm going to be over there with a mate having food and drink.

And all of a sudden, it's like, fuck, no wonder Rosie's keen on it. It's like, all of a sudden, he's got a fucking caregiver. Oh, right, someone to stab the EpiPen in if he starts going crazy. Someone to full-on Pulp Fiction his ass. Yeah. Yeah, I kind of think of a region that's more peanut-based than the Thai. Yeah, you're right. It might be the number one.

Fuck, yeah, that's a really dumb mistake by both of us to go there, really. Because it barely factors in much in any other cuisine, really. Yeah, I can't... If you said, what's the number two, it's like... Maybe Indian, but... Oh, yeah. Some kind of sart peanut. Well, I mean, Americans love...

I would say Americans love peanut butter, but it's not hidden anywhere. Yeah, but it's not used as like a foundation of so much of the cooking. I tell you what, it's tough to get a chocolate bar in America without there being peanuts in it. Yeah, true. Everything's got an excuse to have peanuts in it. Quite bizarre. I've been indulging in the odd chocolate bar lately. I never eat chocolate.

But I've just had a couple of days in a row where I've been four in the afternoon, feeling a bit of a crash, felt like a little bit of a bit hungry, felt like a bit of a sugar perk me up. What have you been going with? Gone down to 7-Eleven. Had a Snickers the other day. Had a Chocito a couple of weeks ago. Really?

I love a Chocito. I love a Chocito. All of weeks ago. Really? I love a Chocito. All right. They've redesigned the wrapper, though, and it looks really bad. It's really boring now. And then before that, I had a cookies and cream Milky Bar. Okay. All right. I have gone without it the last couple of days,

because I've been doing a bit of intermittent fasting. I've been falling off the horse a little bit, um i've been i was eating really well for quite a while uh well not eating heaps i guess is what i should say um but the last couple weeks i haven't been as good with that but i'm having a last minute little rush to the finish line and going realizing going fuck if i just be good the last couple of days, when I go to Thailand, all bets are off. Yeah. Do whatever the fuck you want all the time. Yeah, you're having like three dinners and stuff like that.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm going on a restaurant crawl. You know, I'm going, I'll see what Rosie thinks, but I'll, yeah, I'll be parking myself somewhere at lunchtime, then having a couple of meals and beers and then going, all right, we'll move to the next restaurant. Yeah. Really eating the fuck out of that joint.

Yeah. And really wasting the breakfast buffet because I kind of feel like eating breakfast cheating. Yeah, not cheating, but you are getting in the way of. Yeah. You're using up space. Yeah. That you could be using for regional delicacies. Exactly.

Yeah. And I'm not a big fan of the breakfast foods. They're fine. Yeah. I'd eat them normally. Yeah. But you're there. It's like I've got to plan out every meal I have in Thailand.

Oh, big time. I want the absolute – I want all the favorites. I want some places I've been researching recently, some possible new favorites. I can't be wasting time on fucking – wasting space on pancakes or whatever the fuck. It's kind of what I like about Japan is that breakfast kind of doesn't, they don't really do breakfast.

Right. Which I kind of, I have had a couple of times of being there and being like really hung over and just being like, God, I would kill for some fucking bacon and eggs somewhere. And it's like, what is there nearby? You can have a big bowl of ramen.

And it's like, no, thank you. I'm about to spew. I just want fucking bread and eggs and bacon. You know, just trying to find a substitute for that when you're so used to it back here and just not being able to get it anywhere is pretty fucking brutal. Although that's typically I've just gone to Macca's and that does the trick. Of course. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And then at least you get something slightly interesting because it's like, oh, it's the Japanese McDonald's. Japanese Macca's is awesome. I've talked slightly interesting because it's like, oh, it's the Japanese McDonald's. Japanese Macca's is awesome. Is it? I've talked about it on this before, but yeah. Yeah.

It's really good. I don't know how I'm going to get time to go to Japan, but I'd fucking love to go there again. Yeah. How would you ever get time to have a week away? Yes. All right. Let's crack into it.

I'm fucking starving. Yeah. I'm now at the point where I'm like, you know, earlier in the day I'm like, I'm doing really well. I'm not, you know, I'm intermittent fasting or whatever. And then you go, oh, cool, I'll skip this bit here. Now it gets to a point in the night where it's like, well, you should have fucking eaten before this

because now to eat at this time of night is not doing yourself any favours. I had just typically, a typical day for me would be just a couple of muesli bars for lunch, just a very small lunch and I was going to then have dinner after we finished doing this and I quickly, I had a 20 minute window before you guys got here to record where I thought, yeah, I could put something away pretty quickly now. Yeah. Because I'd been to the gym and I was ravenous. Yeah.

And my God, I'm thankful I did that now. I would be a dying. Yeah. Well, that's what I'm doing. That's me. Yeah. Oh, God. All right. All right.

Quickly, littledumbdumbclub.com. We got the stand-up show in Hobart, November 23rd. Still some tickets left to that. We've got the big 500th episode in Melbourne, April 25th, 2020, at the Athename Theatre. Big, big theatre. Tickets moving incredibly fast. Get onto it now. It is assigned

seating so you are in complete control of where you sit as long as you get onto it as quickly as you can. There's also my exhibition of new artwork, Vanilla Hills, November the 20th in Melbourne at the B-Side Gallery, 121 Brunswick Street, running until December the 1st.

But come down to the opening night on November the 20th at 6pm. You can also support the show on Patreon, patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. If you want to chip in and keep the lights on in here, we send out different rewards every month. We send out a bonus episode. We send out a bonus magazine that we put together that has heaps of,

looks great, very colourful, lots of different shit in there. And we also read people's names out and say thank you to them at the end of every edition of the show. We do a completely random number of names. We do a completely random set of names. We put ourselves at the mercy of the unplanned title alternator, a flawless, foolproof piece of technology that has been steering this ship for nigh on, what, three years now, four years now? Don't know.

Don't know. Be interesting to see, to get over to Thailand, see if there's any knockoff. We haven't updated the latest version for a while, so be interesting to see if I could maybe get a bit of a knockoff over there. Yeah, have a look. Yeah. Anyway, all right, let's crack in. I am getting hungry, and I feel like you've sensed I'm being hungry

because you've just run through all the stuff I usually say, like as if you think I'm not capable of doing it this week, which you're probably correct. You were yawning as I was saying it. I was like, this guy can't be fucked. I know. All right, let's crack in. Hit the big red button.

First cap off the rank this week, thank you to Patreon subscriber Larissa Jade McPherson. Wowee. Yeah. There's a lot going on there. I know. You want to get out of here as quick as possible, and then we're getting names like this that seem like they go on for seven minutes.

And you know what? I've even included the Jade in there, which I'm not sure if I was really supposed to do. How come? Well, she had a name listed that was just initials and stuff but i've just gone off her email address oh yeah so she just right yeah maybe you weren't meant to do that yeah maybe she's a witness protection uh and she's using an email address that has her full name on it yeah okay so what the she just put ljf something Something like that, yeah. Something like that or that? I'm now not looking at that part of it. Okay.

Yeah. Because that does change it. If it's just her actual initials that she's put down, that's one thing. But if she's just put a random set of letters in place of actual initials, then that's interesting. Well, anyway, let's get on to the name. Her name is Larissa Jade McPherson. I like Jade as a middle name.

I like Jade as any kind of name, really, but I like having that in the middle. You're right. McPherson's is the name of, maybe they've closed down, but it's the name of the big book printer in Maribor. The number one. Maribor was known for many things,

but its main industry for quite a while was printing books which was very ironic given the people that live in marabara and the fact that that that they didn't have a bookshop for a long time right then their major export is books and they don't books are just being driven straight off a cliff well nowhere to store them straight to proper yeah shops yeah the people are just it was it's funny actually growing up i remember people going oh man do you want do you want books we can get your books like it was some sort of fucking under the counter drug deal sort of thing yeah right i know someone who knows someone who works up at mcpherson. Oh, right. They can get you the Barefoot Investor Volume 2 if you want it. Really?

Yeah. That's fascinating. Yeah. So maybe she's the heir to the great fortune. The great book printing fortune. Is it still going? No, I believe it's us. Yeah.

Well, see, that's the other thing. It was called McPherson's, but before that, it was called something else entirely, something much more original. It was called the book printer. So what, like a family came in and bought it out for naming rights? I don't know. I think it was like an out-of-town company or something like that.

Right, right. But, yeah, I just like that just so you know where you stand in Maribor. Yep. You know, McPherson's probably confused a lot of people in Maribor after that. Yep. What do you mean? What's this fucking McPherson's? What's that, a fucking furniture shop or something? Sounds like a bakery, McPherson's probably confused a lot of people in Maryborough after that. Yeah. What do you mean? What's this fucking McPherson's? Was that a fucking furniture shop or something?

Sounds like a bakery, McPherson's. You reckon? A little bit. I always thought like a homewares or a furniture shop or something. What do you think of Larissa? I think I went to school with Larissa, so that clouds my judgment. Okay. Yeah.

Good or bad person? Not a bad person, but my – Not good. Well, nothing jumps to mind being great. Okay. Just sort of a bit – I would think – look, Larissa, you're out there listening. If you've somehow tracked me down after all this time and decided to listen to my podcast. I'm sorry for what I'm about to say,

but I've gone with a bit of an airhead sort of a feel. It's an interesting one for me because I remember, you wouldn't know this, but there was a show when I was growing up on Nickelodeon called Clarissa Explains It All. I know of it. I was a big fan of that show. So in my head, i'm very familiar with the name clarissa right so to hear this name larissa it's just like this person's fucked up

and left one of the letters off right you know what you know what stands out to me about the name larissa about the person called larissa is did you ever again you probably wouldn't have had this but i remember like growing up and in class and you're sort of like you're sorted these are your classmates. These are all the people in your year. Yep. You know, it's a smallish school, so you know everyone. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, for the first time in years,

a new person turns up. Oh, big time. In your year. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was a Larissa. I'm like, who the fuck's, not only is there a new person, I didn't even know that was a fucking name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right.

So you've got the Yeah so you've got the double This poor person Yeah Having to deal with both of those things Yeah Do you remember had she moved from out of town Yes absolutely

Yeah right Yeah Well yeah she wouldn't have like Yeah no actually no that's a good point There was three There was three schools In Maribor Right

There isn't anymore Well I I mean yeah We of course had that every year, be like one or two new kids and it's like, what the fuck's going on here? It's a very...

We've got... You know, everyone knows their place in this year level. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now we've all kind of got to work out as one where this person fits into it. Yes.

But then, of course, I moved schools at the start of year 11 so then I found myself on the other side of that. Yeah. It was fucking brutal. Yeah. That's a very weird move because everyone's got their friends by then

just about oh brutal no one's no one's hiring yeah yeah yeah um but no that's actually an interesting point you make i can't i don't think she was from another school which i don't think happened very much because it's like you know mirror is like seven eight thousand people why move schools you know it's pretty rare to like 7,000, 8,000 people. Why move schools? You know, it's pretty rare to move schools. Like, you're all living within about fucking three meters of each other anyway. Oh, okay. So, yeah, you mean any problems that you had with someone at that school that might necessitate you leaving?

Yeah. It's like, well, they probably just live in the house next to you. You're still going to have to see them all the time just because you're not at the same school. Right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Slightly weird. But I kind of think maybe slightly an attractive name though. Yeah, I don't think unattractive.

Yeah. Yeah. Especially once you've got Jade in the middle as well. Yeah. Jade backing it up. That's doing a bit of extra work. Yeah. McFerguson.

No, what was it? McPherson. McPherson. So that's not attractive. I hate to say it. Nothing? Nothing. It does nothing for you.erguson? No, what was it? McPherson. So that's not attractive. I hate that. Nothing? Nothing. It does nothing for you.

I don't think it's unattractive. McPherson. I think it's pretty unattractive. Oh, really? Yeah. Negative. McPherson. God, you've had a bad experience with McPherson.

No, just, you know, what? You think it sounds hot? You think McPherson sounds hot? I think it's complimentary. I think it's respectable. I think it feels like a nice family. And that's, in my books, that's not unattractive. Yeah, okay.

It doesn't sound like they're on the run. It doesn't sound like they're, you know, too fucked in the head. I'm just talking about purely like the attractiveness of the name in isolation and what that conjures up. You're thinking about like the pedigree that this person is coming from. Well, I'm interested in how you're thinking about, what's a sexy surname? Have you ever met a girl with not a very sexy first name, but then her surname's really got you over the line? Oh, yeah, like Doris Slut.

Yes. They've done it again. Linda Tits. Yeah. Linda Tits. Yeah, Linda Tits. Yeah. Linda Tits, one of the earliest characters in the Dum Dum canon. What a great name. Thanks, Larissa.

Thanks, Larissa. Thank you to Paige. Thanks. Fuck. Now I'm getting tired and hungry. I don't know what the fuck. I'm starting to sleep, Tommy. He's starting to hallucinate Yeah

In the next name Chicken wing No I don't eat chicken wings in Samui God No I mean You know like In the cartoons

Oh right When someone's like Yeah yeah yeah You're just looking at the name And it just morphs Right In front of you into the word Yes

Chicken wing Sate skewer Thank you Yeah that's more likely Thank you to Patreon subscriber, Dwayne Carter. Ooh. Yeah. That's interesting.

What do you think about that? Dwayne. Dwayne. Dwayne Carter. What do you think of Dwayne as a name? I mean, I think almost universally negative things. most universally negative things? Well, the biggest one that springs to mind is, of course, Dwayne the Rock Johnson.

Yes. I would say there's another one out there as well. Whom? Well, Dwayne Carter is the real name of Lil Wayne. Ah, okay. Yeah. I didn't know that. So I don't know if that's a joke or a coincidence or whatever it is.

But I thought Dwayne Carter... Yeah, because famously we talk about Lil Wayne on this podcast all the time. So this person who's subscribed really has our number. Well, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. You know, those people out there might have this. You know, some people think it's funny to sort of say the same made-up name every week with a stupid surname and whatever. You know, everyone's got different senses of humor.

Some people. I've never heard of that, but these people sound like fucking idiots. I Googled it. I Googled it. Yeah. It's the phenomenon that you read about in National Geographic. In some cultures, they find that funny. I googled people that do fucking stupid things

and that came up as the number one thing. Right, right. A friend of mine who actually listens to this, so I'll be interested to hear their feedback about this. Years ago, they're telling me they've been dating someone. They've been on a couple of dates with a black gentleman, an African-American. Right.

And I was like, oh, what's their name? And she said, Dwayne. Right. And I just found that very funny for some reason. But that's what I associated. I completely imagined an African-American football player. See, I think, Dwayne, you either think kind of that or i just think like the complete other end of the spectrum just big time like computer geek absolutely yeah and i yeah i knew a duane that

was absolutely that's what formed my opinion on duane and then i started as life goes on and i just started to see these duanes in america the fucking 200 kilo american football players i'm like oh duane means a completely different thing than I thought it did. Right. I thought Dwaynes were made for me to put their heads down the toilet. Right, the toilets go the other way over there and so does the name Dwayne. Yeah, right.

Yeah. I always thought Carl, I liked the name Carl and then people would go, I say shit in America. Carl's like a fucked name. Like, damn. Like a redneck name or whatever. Yeah. It's like Lenny and Carl. That's how Carl seemed. But fucked name. Like, damn. Like a redneck name or whatever. Yeah. It's like Lenny and Carl.

That's how Carl seemed. But they're not particularly, because I often think that too. That's kind of, I think, one of the first things that culturally people would think when they hear the name Carl. Right. But they're not, I mean, they're not like redneck characters. Carl's not like that. Also, that's Carl with a C, which I look down on.

I kind of feel like we're not really the same people. No. It's almost like we're different people. Yeah. It's a different name. You and the character from The Simpsons, it's almost like you are completely different people. Anyone with the name Carl with a C, I'm not that same person.

Yeah. I'm a different person. Yeah. Yeah. We're not in the same body. We're not occupying the same fucking genes. You're not made up of the exact same molecules. We don't even have the same name. No. Yeah. We don't even have the same name.

No. Yeah. We don't even have the same first letter. Yeah. Straight away, you're eliminated from being the same organism. I guess you're not too far from each other in the alphabet. Yeah, that's three versus eleven. You're sort of occupying the same...

The same half. Yeah. But there's eight letters in between. That's true. That's a fair gap. Yeah, but... Yeah, you're right. K feels like it's closer to C than it actually is.

Oh, not to me. God, what a chat. Feels like a fucking universe there. Well, you're coming at it from a different angle. Yeah, I'm a little bit biased. Yeah. I've been thinking about this for a long time. Yeah, I'll bet.

Treat yourself to thinking about it a little more on the plane tomorrow. Oh, great. I'll put that on my list. Someone sitting next to you and going like, man, this guy's working flat out on this flight. And they look over at the screen and it's just you typing Carl again and again and again, alternating with a K and a C. I do a to-do list every day, right, of work that I've got to do.

Maybe I'll start doing a to-do list of things I'm going to think about. I quite like that, yeah. Yeah. I really like that. Yeah. I'll just do that on the plane. I won't do any work. I'll just have a list of things to think about.

I've been doing that a little bit in reverse though at the end of the day, getting into bed, just doing a bit of an inventory about the day. Okay. You ever do that? No. You just kind of go over your interactions, kind of think about how things shook out. What could I have done a little bit differently? I try and forget everything I've ever done when I get into bed so I can get to sleep.

Yeah, there's a lot of screaming that goes on. But yeah, what did I think about that, you know? What did I – what was going on there? You know, a bit of that kind of stuff. But maybe I need to – yeah, then when I get up, go, now what do I want to think today? You know what? I've been so exhausted I haven't been dreaming.

So it's been like I had a dream the other day and I was like, wow, that's a real one-off. I don't remember dreaming. I'd like to get to that stage where I'm back dreaming again. Right. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe that's what this holiday is for. Get back to. Right. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe that's what this holiday is for.

Get back to your dreams. To go on holiday by myself to Thailand is my dream, but I need to get some dreams, some more dreams. That would be cool. You just go on a holiday and then it's like I've bought a one-way ticket. When's it time to come home? When I start dreaming. Oh.

It's really deep. Yeah. My wife's calling me. When are you coming home? When I start dreaming, babe. It's really deep. Yeah. My wife's calling me, when are you coming home? When I start dreaming, babe. It's been six years. You haven't had one dream? Yeah,

I hypnol every night. Thanks, Dwayne. Thanks, Dwayne. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Morgan Newstead. Newstead? Yeah. And Morgan.

Morgan, a name that goes both ways, that you would think shouldn't. Yes. It goes all ways. It's a surname. It's a girl's name. It's a boy's name. It's a girl's surname. It's a boy's surname.

Wow. That's unique. It's truly got something for everyone yeah is that does that turn you on that that surname uh what other examples are there of names like that that you can think of uh what boys boys and girls and surname and surname yeah that's truly rare that is might actually be one of the only ones. Look, we'll get an absolute flurry of responses from that. And they, yeah. Boys and girls, oh, God. It could be the only one.

Surely not. That would have to be in the Guinness Book of World Records It's not really a record that's been broken It's sort of the opposite It's one of something How do you even Google that? How do you even ask that question? What names are there that are androgynous and also can be a surname?

Jesus Christ Good luck Good luck with this one. For names that can be used for a boy and a girl. Yep. Androgynous would have done the same thing. But anyway. I reckon results-wise it wouldn't have.

And a surname. And a surname. And put I'm feeling lucky. Roll the dice. I don't feel lucky. Why not? I don't feel lucky though. Okay.

Anything. Oh. What? Is this an actual answer? Has this worked? It's an actual answer. Wow. And the page is called

76 Last Names as First Names Perfect for Boys and Girls. Dot com? No. I thought you were reading out the URL to start with. Okay. I don't think. No, then they're splitting it up into boys.

Oh, here's the boys and here's the girls. Rather than the commute for all three. Yeah, that's not what we want. That's not what we want. We're not. So they expect us to do our own work, go through this list. We want the triple. We want the triple. We want the triple.

We want the big triple. We don't want the fucking... I reckon... Yeah. I reckon Morgan might be the only one. All right. I'll have one more... One more.

I'll have one more attempt. One more attempt. What's a better way of asking this? Yeah, I don't know. I mean, even just... You know what? even just going surnames that are also first names and then we can go through and go, oh, that could be a good one. Here we go. I've got one.

Jordan. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Morgan and Jordan. Morgan and Jordan. So maybe, I think the key is the N sound at the end. Maybe.

The O and kind of bridges. Feel free to get on the social. Suggest any multi-purpose names, guys. Something that works underwater, in space. A name that you can't kill. Yeah. Yeah. An indestructible, invincible name

Yeah You can use it anywhere Morgan and Jordan Yeah Good names Well Morgan Newstead Thanks Morgan Thanks

Thanks Morgan Thanks Morgan Morgan Yeah good work on your name You can take that anywhere What would you rather have it as? A first name or a surname? Absolutely surname Or being a? Absolutely surname.

Being a woman. Absolutely surname. Carl Morgan. I don't super rate it as a first name. I don't mind it. I don't know. I feel like it's a real solid base as a surname. That's true.

It's a good sturdy name. Solid surname. Yeah, first. I don't know. You need a little bit more character in the first name, I think. It's a good surname because it's got a bit of flair to it, but it's also people are familiar with it, so you're not going to have to spell it out.

People hear it and they're like, oh, yeah. But it's not boring. It's got a bit going on, but not to the extent where it's like, what did you say? That reminds me, this is apropos of not too much, but I run the gigs, I run comedy shows in Melbourne, Basement Comedy Club, stuff like that on Saturday. Particularly that one, people will book online and then I'll be the doofus on the desk that's checking people's names off.

I have everyone's names on the list and I check them off. So people come in and they're like, oh, I didn't bring my ticket. I'm like, that's fine, I just got your name. Just need your last name so I can tick it off alphabetically. And they go, oh, it's Gary. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mate, come on.

And it's just non-stop. Help me out. It's just non-stop. And I go, surname. And they go, Gary. And I'm like, so that's your surname? Your last name? And they go, oh, no, that's my first name.

I'm like, oh, the thing I absolutely didn't ask for and asked the opposite of. Yeah. Why would any list function in that way? You've been at school. You've done roll call. There's no excuse. Exactly.

Yeah. Exactly. And especially when you go, surname, and they just say, they've got it. They're not listing. They've just got it in the head. Yeah. Like, especially someone comes in and goes, John. It's like, cunt.

You think you're the one. If that's your name. Yeah. Even if you think it works that way. Yeah. Your life should be full. Right. Of saying, oh, it's John McGillicuddy.

Yeah. John Mack. You can't be walking into anything thinking you're the only John there. I'm the only John, yeah. Fucking hell. Even if you booked an Uber and the Uber turned up and they're like're like for john you still would have to go john c yeah like you would still have to double check how do people go through life and not learn anything from anything yeah it's pretty crazy it's pretty crazy that we've talked about this a lot off air

i think where you the stuff that you experience when you run a comedy gig or just any kind of show the kind of wacky shit that people try and pull on the way in or how they think things work. Yeah. It's like, do you try this with everything? Yeah. Do you try this with the movies? Yeah. Do you try this at the opera?

Because, of course, nothing else works. Is it that you get that that doesn't work that way and you think comedy is just fucked and it's going to function how you want it to? Or are you genuinely this bad every time you set foot out of the house? Yeah. It's something, it's like you being at

mcdonald's and going like oh can i buy the food now and then come back in three weeks and eat it then yeah yeah or do you go to the movies go do you rock into hoits and try a bit of well i missed the first five minutes so do i get it half price like yeah people will try that with me and i go no you can actually pay more like it's just a dumb cunt tax. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you can't get your shit in order. So you can pay more now. And they're like, oh, what?

Right. Or, you know, they come in, oh, no, I just want to come in and see the headliner. So I should pay less. Oh, you mean the best bit? Yeah. Well, you know, the headline's the person I'm paying the most fucking money to. The person whose presence on the poster justifies the entrance fee. Yes.

Single-handedly. Yes. So then you can... I say, they're the person that's getting all the money, so of course you're paying as much as everyone else, you fucking idiot. Yeah. The person that you wanted to come down and see... Yeah.

...should you have to pay to see them? Yeah. Just be aware, the headliner is... That's who you want to see the rest of the show is fucking filler yeah well you're just being forced to be put through the rest of it just to see people like fucking me and you right yeah people see the headliner yeah all right it's the stand-up versus the podcast yeah but yeah exactly yeah yeah yeah but look you know especially you know shows that we do it's like everyone on the bill is good.

So it's worth going to. And also, if you're really there to see that. That's it. Just go and make a discovery. Yeah. That headliner, you hadn't heard of them at one point. Yeah. They were in that middle spot at one point.

I've seen people that do that. They come to a show and go, oh, what time's the headliner on? I'm like, man, not till it's on last, surprisingly. Who knows, man? We shuffle it up. Yeah, yeah. That could be on whenever. It's not on last, surprisingly. Well, I just need to know it up. Yeah, yeah. It could be on whenever. It's on last, surprisingly.

Well, I just need to know because I'm just going to go away and come back when they're on. And it's like, man, the headline is on at 10 o'clock. You're just going to go and busy yourself from fucking quarter past eight to 10 o'clock. You've got better things to do than just to go into the show that's two feet from here. Yeah. You're going to go upstairs and just, you know, have a drink and, like, look at the fucking trees. If you lived next door, then maybe that's valid. If you can be in your house watching a movie until, you know,

if you are that way inclined, that's really the only way I would. Even then it's dicey. Even then it's dicey. Even then done. But that's the absolute extreme of a situation where I'll allow it. I won't even allow that. Wow. All right.

Well, thanks, McGillic... Morgan. Morgan. Yeah. Fucking hell. Yeah. Thanks to Patreon subscriber Alex McCormack. Hmm.

Okay. I don't mind McCormack as a surname. Yeah, I don't mind it. And I quite like Alex. I don't mind McCormack as a surname. Yeah, I don't mind it. And I quite like Alex. I like it too. Another androgynous name? Yep. I think I may have even suggested that to go on our list of baby names.

For a girl? And got absolutely shot down immediately. I like it as a girl's name. So do I. You know what I liked as a girl? And got absolutely shot down immediately. I like it as a girl's name. So do I. You know what I liked as a girl's name? You tell me. I don't think I've said this on the pod before, but I pushed for this as a girl's name and went absolutely down in flames.

Really? Just to go on the record, I had nothing to do with the naming of our child. Yeah. And I was like, that's fine. You're that strong on this issue. So this was one that you were really, really championing for and she couldn't have wanted it less. Look, I just went, I think this would be a good one.

I'm happy to go into bat for this one. And it was like met with not violence, but... How much of a conversation was there about the name? There was basically this conversation. This is what the name's going to be if it's girl. Okay, well, what about this? No. Oh, so she just knew.

Yeah, well, what about this one? No. Okay, well, what about any other thoughts, even competing thoughts with that one that you've decided? No. Right. This is what the baby's name is. I respect that, though. Oh, no, I'm fine just i'm just telling the story of what happened yeah i'm i'm

suggesting things but i'm like look this is this is your your go so as soon as you found out you're pregnant she knew she's immediately like pretty quickly the name i've always had in my head of like an option pretty quickly okay to be that vehement about a name like blanket it does beg a belief. Yeah. I was a big fan of the King of Pop. Yeah, I guess so. Could have been Bubbles. Yeah.

No, you're right. Well, Bubbles is clearly a boy's name, so it's never going to work. But what was the name that you were? The name that I put out there was for a girl, Billy. What do you think? I like it. You like it? I a girl. Yep. Billie. What do you think? I like it. You like it? I like it. Right.

I can absolutely see why it was met with opposition. Why do you think? Not for everyone. Yeah? That's what you think. You think you can see through the eyes of my wife and go... Not even necessarily specifically your wife, but just... You know, if...

I would be into that name Yeah But if I was to bring it up If someone was to go No I'd have to just let it go immediately Right I can't think of a good example of a name Where it's like

You'd go What you got no reason to Dislike this one This is a perfect name I'll argue this Yeah That one you just gotta go Yeah you know I can

I can I can Right I can say it And I don't know why that is. I don't know what that's down to. I completely agree, to be honest. It's out of the box.

I really do like it. Yeah. I just threw it out there. I was like, I think this is cool. This is a cool name. And then absolutely not. After, of course, Billy Madison. Yeah.

I would have been B-I-L-L-I-E. Oh, yeah, yeah. I think my wife is like, one of those ones where it didn't even compute for a second it was like that's a boy's name why would you call a girl a boy's name it can be a girl's name absolutely not she's like no i can't that's it yeah it's not a girl's name and well it technically is no it's not that's the end of that. Wow. Okay. Alright. Well, I guess that's not going to be the name of our child. But Billy, Billy Gene and then you end up with Blanket.

So in many ways, this suggestion probably kind of sowed the seed. Yeah, that's freakish. Yeah. I've got chills. They're multiplying. Yeah. But Alex, another good name.

Yeah, I agree. I thought that's a way another good name. Yeah, I agree. I thought that's a way more mainstream name. Way more of a chance. I like it a lot more for a lady than for a man. Alex. Yeah. You know what? Happy with both of them.

Happy with both. I don't dislike it as a man. It's just I guess for me it's like I grew up with a couple of friends called Alex. There we go. No, no, no. A couple of male friends called Alex. There we go. I don't think there were any girls called Alex in my school.

And so by the time I experienced that for the first time as a girl's name, I was like, wow, this is subversive. Right. Do you know what I mean? So I'm a bit used to it as a boy's name, whereas it's still got that thing in my head where as's a girl's name. It's like, whoa. Yeah, yeah. This is cutting edge.

Yeah, no, totally. I think an Alex in my school, a female Alex, would have been, wow. Yeah. I would have been. Hot. Yeah. Yeah, it really is. It's sort of a hot name.

It is a hot name, I agree. Yeah, McCormick, fine. Yeah. Does the job. Whatever. Yeah. I wonder how life would have been growing up as a Mick something. Hmm.

Yeah. Do people called Mick something, do they, is there some sort of bond between them? That's, I mean, yeah. Would there be or would it be like, you know, you were saying earlier about C. Carl trying to bond with you. Would it be like, hey, I'm McDonald and you're McCormick. Let's say it's like, fuck off, we're not the same. Oh, no, even worse.

As in a good example of these two people, there's Larissa Jade McPherson, Alex McCormack. McPherson is a Macpherson, M-A-C. Whereas McCormack is M-C. Yes. That's your Carl and Carl, K and C. Well, you've probably got, there's probably all sorts of different factions here.

There's probably like, there's probably all sorts of different factions here. There's probably like there's one, there's kind of like a, you know, the sort of almost the hippie. It's like everyone should get along. So whatever your name is, as long as it's got a Mac at the start and however that's spelled, we should all get along. We're all one in the same. Yep.

Then there's factions that are like split down the middle that think like it's MAC or it's MC and, you know, we have nothing to do with each other. But then whatever's, if, you know, if you're MAC, I'm MAC, whatever comes at the end of that, it doesn't matter. But then there's like a fourth person who's like, absolutely not. This is, these are all different surnames. That's it.

People are always looking to split everyone apart, you know, you're in one, it could be a town of like fucking 10 people. Yep. And someone's going to be like, yeah, but they're from the north, I'm from the south. Exactly, yeah. Fuck them. Yep. Fuck North Wobbsyville.

Yep. I'm from South Wobbsyville. Fuck everyone over that side of town. You know what a big regret, a recent regret of mine is? We were talking on the show a couple of weeks earlier about me going to Esperance and masturbating that bull with Enoch. Well, there's no easier way of getting into it than that, but yep. Enoch Bergman, the vet who drove me around, who immigrated to Australia from the States.

And he mentioned to me that he grew up in a town called Wild Horse, Colorado, population 12. Oh. And he told me that and then we got sidetracked and in my head I was like, fuck, I've got to ask him about any, like, population 12. Oh. And he told me that and then we got sidetracked. And in my head I was like, fuck, I've got to ask him about any, like, fucked thing, you know. There must be – but then the cow masturbation and the bull masturbation and cow vagina exploring took up such a hefty part of the day that as I was flying back I was like, fuck, I never asked him about that town.

Population 12. Ring him up. Can you ring him up? Yeah, I might check in with him, see if he's got anything to... I'll let him know how it went. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I have let him know that already, but yeah.

Yeah. Tell him to listen to the episode. You know what? It's honestly, it's a shame that Esperance is so far out from Perth because as I was spending the day with him, I was like, if he was able to get to Perth for the live show, he would have been great talent actually on the show. Having him in there tell the story with me would have, you know, some people you meet

where you're like, you know, you never want to just go, oh, we'll get this guy in, get this guy in off the street. But the more time I spent with him, I'm like, this would actually be fucking great having him on the mic. Yeah. If he'd had him in the room at least to be able to throw to. Bit of a, he was talent. He's talent.

Yeah. Very funny. Yeah. Very funny. Yeah. Who knows, maybe one of these days, you know, maybe, maybe.

Somehow we get it, if another bull sponsors us. I don't know, he goes around and does talks and stuff. Okay. Maybe he'll be visiting, you know.

Okay. I don't know, whatever. But anyway, Wild Horse, Colorado, population 12. Okay.

Thanks, Alex McCormack. Thanks, Alex. Okay, I've got to go. I've got to get something. Maybe, Colorado, population 12. Okay. Thanks, Alex McCormack. Thanks, Alex. Okay. I've got to go. I've got to get something. Maybe – oh, fuck. Do I get something to eat before I go?

I feel like I've really not eaten enough. I'm not cooking you dinner if that's what you're asking. I did – you know what? I've had a day of vegetables. Okay. So maybe that's why I'm feeling a bit um you know like it's a good thing to do once you get used to it that's fine but it it it's got a nagging feeling in me where i haven't eaten something else yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so maybe that's it what did you have for lunch um i had um potato and peas and broccoli. Okay. Yeah.

That's not very fulfilling, I don't think. Yeah, well, that's probably why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling. Yeah. Anyway. One more. That's all I've got the energy for. Just one more? Yeah.

All right. Well, I guess however many this is, that's what we're doing. Yeah. I guess you're right. Well, there's no use. Well, five. There's no use me passing out through us number six. Yeah, that's true. I mean, I know some people make jokes on the socials.

Ah, six again. Ah, whatever. But, yeah. No, it's not going to be that bad. All right. Well, I'm sure we're never going to hear the end of this. Yeah. But, you know, what can you do?

Yep. All right. Thank you I'm sure we're never going to hear the end of this. Yeah. But, you know, what can you do? Yep. All right. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. What? No, it's actually just, it's funny. It's one of the names I pitched as our daughter's name. Really? Yeah.

Interesting. Yeah. Like the full name. So the surname, this is a surname that you pitched as well Yeah You pitched a surname to your wife Yes And she shot it down

Yes Right Yeah Thank you to Patreon subscriber Billy Comedy Right Yeah Okay

Yeah So did you When you said you suggested Billy before Was this part of that story? Yeah Did you So these weren't two separate things No Where you were like When you said you suggested Billy before, was this part of that story? Yeah. So these weren't two separate things? No.

Where you were like, Billy, absolutely not. Okay, well then what about this? Billy comedy. Yeah, I forgot about that second part of it. Ah, right. Maybe that was somehow connected when I was saying to my wife, can we name our daughter's surname after a surname neither of us have? Yeah. Maybe that influenced the Billy part.

Maybe she thought the Billy part was fine, but it just got muddled up. Sounds like at least 80% of that no was for comedy. Oh, really? Okay. All right. I'll know if we have a second child. That's a good tip.

She said no to comedy. And that's why we're together. All right, everyone. Thanks very much for supporting the Little Dumb Dumb Club on Patreon. We really appreciate it. Patreon.com slash Little Dumb Dumb Club if you would like to chip in and be part of the quote-unquote magic every week. Who said that?

What? Who said that? Who said magic? Who said magic? I don't know, some sex offender. All right. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for links to tickets and all the stuff we've got coming up. Get yourself some merch.

Get yourself some tickets. We'll see you out there in the big wide world. We've got some shows coming up soon. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.