The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 475 - Lehmo & Adam Rozenbachs

Episode Date: November 12, 2019

LEHMO and ADAM ROZENBACHS join us as we take a deep dive into Chando's most recent (at the time of writing) trip to Thailand. We hear about clearing security, DJ sets and failed radio contests before the debut of a brand-new (and potentially long-running) segment from Karl. Get on the chemicals and enjoy. GOLD COAST! Our first ever live show up there. November 16, 2pm.HOBART! We're heading down for the first time for a live show in a small venue. November 23, 5pm.We've also added a stand-up show in the same venue at 3pm.MELBOURNE! Our 500th episode is on sale. It's going to be massive. April 25, 2020. 8:30pm. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dum Dum Club, a great new episode with guests Limo and Adam Rosenbarks. We've got a bunch of live stuff coming up around the place. littledumdumclub.com is where you can find the details for that. We will be in at the end of the episode for another edition of Talking Dum Dum. Love that show. Where we break down all that's fit to talk about in the world of the extended Little Dum Dum Club universe. The biggest uber fans of The Little Dum Dum Club, which are the Little Dumb Dumb Club.

Yep, absolutely. So stick around for that and enjoy this episode with guests Limo and Adam Rosenbach. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo, and with me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. We've got beers in the mix once again. One of our guests brought them in, and what I love about it, didn't ask would anyone like one,

just cracked them open for us. Now, that is a good house guest. And especially for us, because they are called GOAT, which is, you know, us, the greatest of all time. Yeah, 100%. So very suitable. This is going to be a good house guest. Especially for us because they are called GOAT, which is us, the greatest of all time. Yeah, 100%. So very suitable. This is going to be a good one. Let's welcome our guests into the episode, Limo and Adam Rosenbart.

Thanks, guys. And people are probably wondering, gee, who bought the beers? Which is a good bloke. Was it Rosie? Who's the good guy? Who's the arsehole? It was Rosie. I'm a good guy? Who's the arsehole? It was Rosie.

I'm a good guy. And you know what? It was actually, I did a bit of a run around the, well, not a run, but I surveyed the whole fridge in the Bottle-O that I was at and I thought, what's one that would cross the boundaries? I was actually looking for a Korean one called Globe. Oh, yeah. Have you heard of that one?

I have heard of that one, yeah. Yeah, it's quite good and I thought that would be okay because I know you love your Asians and you love your Asians as Oh, yeah. Have you heard of that one? I have heard of that one, yeah. Yeah, it's quite good and I thought that would be okay because I know you love your Asians and you love your Asians as well, Carl. But I settled on Goat because it's a Melbourne beer and it's quite delicious. I've never had this one before. You couldn't find an Asahi or something to keep these two together? I wanted cans.

I wanted cans. The Asahi ones, all those Sapporos that are Fucking like Huge cans 800 mils And yeah Did you Did you buy this locally Did you buy it around the corner I bought it on Brunswick Street

Okay right Because we've got history With the place around the corner Is that right Yeah We've had an ongoing dispute With I guess kind of The bottle shop

I've kind of switched on this I think the responsibility Has to sort of stop with them We did exactly this A few weeks back And we got A six pack And one of them. We did exactly this a few weeks back and we got a six-pack and one of them that I copped was a half-empty bottle. Really?

So we sort of lost our mind for about half an hour about it. Well, you've got it. So one of the six-pack was half-empty when you purchased it? Yes. Oh, you're going to go back and just take it back? No, I drank it. You got a 5.5er. You drank a half full?

Yeah. Oh, mate. Look, people at home will be sick of this because we've been yeah we've sent emails we've fought we've done anti-ads for the company on the show so look we've never we haven't quite got over it that can happen a mate of mine um that would keep a mate of mine around camping and they had an esky that was full of beer and then the meat and everything that they were going to be cooking over the weekend and stuff. And one of my mates is drinking a beer and he's like, oh, this fucking tastes terrible. And everyone's like, stop you bitching, just drink it and stuff.

Nice. And what had happened was the beer had been half cracked and so it had soaked up all the salt and the meat and juice and stuff from the esky. And he's drinking it. Going, this fucking, this Carlton Jar is fucking terrible. It's got a real raw meat taste to it. This?

I love this lamb lager. I mean, this paleo beer. Yeah, well, that puts it all in perspective, doesn't it, Carl? Yeah. You didn't know how good you had it. But you know what? We've discussed this a lot. We've talked about this dilemma a lot on the pod in the weeks following. And no one's ever suggested that we perhaps should have just left the beer

and then taken it back to the tap. That might have been a good solution. Well, yeah, that's what I would have done. I would have gone straight back and said, you sold me this. That's the real outside-the-box thinking that you get from Lima. That's why 10 years is an account. These skills. Now, Rosie, on this goat that you bought, this beer, what 10 years is an account these skills now Rosie on the

so this goat that you bought this beer when you were walking up and down the aisle looking at all the beers trying to decide

which one to buy I'm just getting the Asian beers that we definitely wanted for some reason but I also love that you know

you're looking at me someone who loves Japan and Carl someone who loves Thailand and you decided that the way to split the difference between those nations is Korea.

It's like somehow it's the intersection of those two places. Well, no one hates Koreans, do they? Except for the North. Especially North Koreans. Is there a North Korean beer? Fuck, there'd have to be, wouldn't there? Yeah, I'd love to find out what that would entail. A bit of dirt and water?

Yeah. Got him. It's beer. Drink it. What a lovely way of describing mud, by the way. Just a six-pack of rocks. Just lick this. It's got fucking beer on it.

Best beer in the world. Well, speaking of Asia, I mean, we've just got back from the, not the Coastal Million International Podcast Festival, but the Coastal Million International Fringe Podcast Festival, in a way. I've had one of my very rare forays to Thailand, and Adam Rosenbach, not quite accompanied me, he was going anyway. No, you gate-crashed his holiday. Yes, I did, actually.

Well, it was funny, it was three weeks beforehand, and I just hit up Chanda, because I knew you don't mind three weeks beforehand and I just hit up Chanda because I knew you don't mind Samui. And I just said, mate, go to Samui. You got any suggestions for bars and or restaurants or whatever. And then you went, oh, fuck. I wasn't going to go there, but I was going to go to

Phuket, but fuck, I think I'm going to come. And I'm like, mate, I'd fucking love it if you were there. And so he changed his plans and we hung out. A bit of local knowledge. When you walk down the street in Coastal, what's the main street? Beach Road. Beach Road. Chewing Road, but Beach Road. Do you do it in the accent when you're there?

No. Like if you get in a cab and you want to go there, what would you say to the cab driver? No, no, no, no, no. That's the point that we'll know he's been definitely going there too much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Once the accent starts to... I do find myself abbreviating. Abbreviating. So you'll leave words out when you...

Yes. Me go now? No, not quite. He's also wearing Muay Thai boxing shorts as well. I do find myself leaving out the and, you know, stuff like that. That is incredible. Like Australians living in London and coming back with a slight British accent. Like, you've been to Thailand so much, you've, stuff like that. That is incredible. Like Australians living in London and coming back with a slight British accent. Like you've been to Thailand so much, you've picked up the accent.

He kept asking me if I wanted a massage. Henry Lee? Henry Lee? Oh, boy. Let's go back to those half empty beers. Let's go back to Korea, please. Safe space. So, Rosie, when you walk down the street with

Chando, are people yelling out from the street, hey? You know when Norm walks in the bar and cheers? Is that the kind of vibe you're getting? Well the place he told me to meet us, and he's wearing the t-shirt right now, a restaurant called Mr Crab, which you sent me to and I went to and it was absolutely delicious.

And you said, we'll meet there that night that you flew in. And I expected that there would be some sort of acknowledgement of you because you've been there that often. Oh, welcome party. Yeah. Not even welcome party, but just like, oh, that's that weirdo who keeps coming back. Right. But there was none of that.

There was no recognition. That's a place I don't get love from, but there's other places I get love from. Okay. So, yeah. Like, there was that other place we went to dinner to twice. They know me quite well. Okay. But there's a few other. Well, there was that other place we went to dinner to twice. They know me quite well. Okay. But there's a few other – well, particularly there was one place that – remember, there

was one night that we went to a bar and then we'd go and the guy's talking to me, oh, you're back again. I'm like, oh, man, I can't believe that you, you know, remember me from that last time. From the last 35 times I've been here. It was two weeks ago. What a memory. But you know what?

There's a lot of tourists, you know, and there's heaps of people that come in there. It's like the last time I was there six months ago, I'd been in there once or twice or something like that, and he's like, oh, you're back again. Welcome back. I'm like, man, these guys here, they really have a good memory. And then me and Rosie checked our phones. It's like, oh, we went there the night before.

We just forgot. But I remember we were talking about this after we came back. After we went to Samui for the second time, a lot of people were amazed that people there remembered them from a year before. And we were talking about, like, just how much of a different lifestyle it is, you know, when you're living in an environment where

pretty much all you're doing is just, like, running your little shop on the side of the road or whatever it is. When you're free of, like, the complications of, like, big city life, how much brain space that leaves. We get it. You're saying that backward it is, when you're free of the complications of big city life, how much brain space that leaves. You're saying they're backward. I hear what you're saying. How much brain space that leaves you for just remembering people?

If you live in bumfuck nowhere, you've got no excuses. I do remember having a much better memory when I lived in Maribor. I'll say that. So someone who lives in a country town forgetting who you are is like the ultimate insult. That's the height of rudeness. But at this bar, like us forgetting, like the thing is when he's like, oh, you're back again, whatever.

And it's like, then we check the phone. It was literally like the end of the movie, The Hangover. You know, when all of a sudden the photos of all the crazy stuff they'd forgotten. Like Rosie sent me the photos. I had no memory. There's just me and Rosie drinking out of cocktails with straws that are six foot long. They made it long. And then we went back the next night and we owned the DJ's booth.

That's right. That's right. And then we're like, okay, well, Rosie can DJ from now on. This is starting to sound like a footy trip. Two men in their 40s just living it up. You stayed that night. I don't remember leaving that night. I got sick after that.

So I left two days later. The next day I got a stomach bug. Right. And so I thought I was hungover. And then, you know, when you do like a cough and you're like, oh, that needs a shower. And I've got to shower with my clothes on. And so I don't remember leaving that night.

But you said you stuck around. I don't remember that. Yeah, I don't remember. I don't remember getting home. Yeah, I remember you saying that and me going, well, I don't remember that. Yeah, I don't remember. I don't remember getting home. Yeah, I remember you saying that and me going, well, I don't remember going with you. You just assumed. Yeah, it's one of those things where I got up in the morning and just went.

I remember walking at one point. Okay. And then I got up in the morning. It was one of those real days where I go, oh, I don't know where I am at all. Limo, I don't know about you, but this sounds like two men rehearsing an alibi for a crime that they haven't been accused of yet

100% and then after that can we just agree we both filed our fingerprints off let me just say this Rosie's photoshopped his head over all these ladyboys let me just say this when you go into a pharmacy in Koh Samui they don't ask a lot of questions I'm over all these ladyboys The car was out with the night before Let me just say this

When you go into a pharmacy in Koh Samui They don't ask a lot of questions That's how I'm explaining what's going on I thought I'd had a Valium hangover Because we were fucking smashing those Because you can get 10 milligrams Let's just say I danced around it

But okay, let's explain exactly what happened We're on heroin around it, but okay, let's explain exactly what happened. Does that push fuck in? We're on heroin. We've just raped a 12-year-old and then anyway, my head is throbbing. As I said, we had a big night. I think in Australia you can only get like two or five

milligrams and we were hitting the tens, which you can just buy over the counter. I love that you know the mils. I fucking know. We were like giddy teenagers going chemist to chemist. That's me usually going to the exchange rates going 20.5 baht.

Genuinely. 21 baht. Yes, fuck yeah. And literally, wasn't it actually Halloween? You're going trick or treating at the chemist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just getting bags filled up, Dexys and Valium. We're going as desperate 45-year-olds.

Don't forget the Ritalin, mate. So when you're buying Valium or Dexys or Ritalin at a pharmacy in Thailand, what's your attitude on a scale of sort of bottle of water to condoms, what's your attitude like when you're purchasing it over the counter? The second time, just straight up. Yeah, straight up. Bottle of water.

All right, so no worries at all. Do you have Ritalin? They'll go, no. And you go, okay, I'll try another joint. Yeah, yeah. You got Ritalin? And I'm like, I said, have you got Ritalin? They're like, yeah.

I'm like, load me up. Yeah, because I'm not like, you walk in and you go, well, I'm never coming back here. Oh, fuck, I come here all the time. That's pretty funny, the idea of like. Your usual? My only thought process. We have your package waiting for you. My only thought process was how much can I bring back that they won't look at at customs

and go, why do you have this volume? Like, is this trafficable? Right. And apparently it's not, so I got through. So what we're saying is that people shouldn't do this at home, so this is all legal. We're very responsible, apart from the fact of the stories we've told so far.

Yeah, exactly. I do love the idea of going into that chemist and getting condoms as the buffer item for the Valium. It's like, I better throw them off the set. It's a pretty embarrassing thing. Throw in that butt plug. You've got a switchblade. Small dick pills.

Couple of tasers. And some Ritalin. And a sword. So what were you saying? So you have this big night out. You're both hitting the Valleys pretty hard. Yeah, so just the next day that I thought I was still stoned from the valley. And then that's when I – because I just thought I was hungover

and then I was really sick and then I had to fly the following day. So it was just a horror flight home. But we were being very good for the local economy because it's not – it was pretty quiet. It was actually pretty quiet over there, wasn't it? Surprisingly so. Yeah, and a lot of people were talking about it over there. So quiet in that when I first met up with you, I came from the airport.

This is literally how desperate they are on the streets of Samui at 10 o'clock at night on the Wednesday night. I got into the main street, got out of a taxi. Another taxi driver saw me get out of the taxi and yelled, taxi? got out of a taxi, another taxi driver saw me get out of the taxi and yelled, taxi? He'd go, oh, yeah, that's seven metres. It is too far. A hundred baht. No worries.

Just let's switch it up. So what was it like travelling with Carl Chandler, Rosie? Did you have a good time? You've got your book out that's all about travelling with an old cranky man through another country. True, true. Sequel?

Can I smell a sequel? Samui and other. No, you know, I had a lot of fun. We had a great time. I was trying to think, like, was there anything really funny that happened? Because we just had a lot of fun, didn't we? Yeah, it was just like, we just went to that Jungle Club bar, which is up in the hills and it was very romantic.

And then we just went and ate well and drank and got you know valium stoned it was fucking great we were actually talking on the pod last week about you being over there because you put a thing on instagram about the card that you had because you're like you've got like really severe peanut allergy like deathly serious right yeah anaphylactic yeah and you put a thing up you put a post of the little card that you had to take and we were talking about like, I think like Thailand probably has like the most high level of peanut-based foods in the Indian nation.

I've flown into a peanut basically. Man, imagine you get into Samui and you finally become a drag performer, anaphylactic. That would be absolutely perfect. So the thing that you were referring to, there's this website called killapenut.com and you go there and you can fill in... It makes to There's this website called Killerpeanut.com And you go there And you can fill in

It makes peanuts sound cool Yeah Yeah they're rad It's a Jean-Claude Van Damme film And you type in what you're allergic to And what language you're needed to And it converts it to And you can just take it to restaurants

Like as Because I said to Carl The first time we ate together I was like Now you are the girlfriend Who's usually with me Yes Who has to take care of me If something goes wrong Because I've got a boy strip And then I was like, now you are the girlfriend who's usually with me. Yes. Who has to take care of me if something goes wrong.

Because I'm doing a boys' trip and then I'm like, oh, I'm a fucking caregiver now. Yeah, exactly. Do you know how to use the... EpiPen? EpiPen? I got a couple of knock-off EpiPens from the market, so they were cheap.

Yeah, yeah. So they're fine. It was like... Got a laser pointer built into the end. Oh, yeah, because I was thinking, fuck, just remember Pulp Fiction. I was like, not really. I remember Reservoir Dogs.

Is that close enough I don't know the big scene But yeah I can shoot him in the head If he gets too bad So you cut one of his ears off Is that what you do Take his pants off

I'll suck the peanut out of him But no Showing that card around And most restaurants Well not most They're all great They're like yeah You can eat this meal

Or stay away from this Yeah right Particularly at the markets They're the ones great they're like yeah you can eat this meal or stay away from this particularly at the markets they're the ones that they're like just cook shit all over all the cooking implements and they're like

don't eat here at all it's not worth the risk and we were going to westerny sort of places that were we weren't going in the middle of nowhere where there's only

Thai signs and no English speakers and stuff like that so they are used to dealing with a lot of westerners a lot of whingy fucking westerners. Yes.

When did you first travel to Asia? I reckon my first trip was 2006, I think. And were the attitudes a little... Because I suspect there was a time when you would have said, I'm anaphylactic, and then a lot of restaurants would have gone, yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what?

They didn't know what it was. And I didn't have that card with me. And I remember being at one restaurant, so I was at a – for a wedding. It was the first time I went over there into Thailand in Phuket. And I was explaining to the guy. I'm saying, I'm allergic to nuts. You know, just be careful.

No nuts. And he kind of was walking backwards just like nodding. And we're like, this is weird. I don't think he understands. And then he just fucking held up a lobster. And we're like, I don't think – What, is that going to Cut open my windpipe What the fuck is that for

Yeah Because you don't know Whether that lobster's Had any nuts or not Yeah exactly Right He could have eaten Some sea nuts

Maybe that lobster Was also anaphylactic Yeah This is Jeff the lobster And he Ask him where he eats Yeah Was the lobster dead

Yeah I guess it was actually Was it swollen? So Rosie got, so you got sick, right? And were you sick for the flight back? Yes. Which I don't suspect was much fun. No, it's a fucking nightmare.

It's just... So why were you just flu-y sort of sick? No, no, like gastro. Oh, right. Whatever that last meal. What a great twist in the story. You're like, had a great time with Chando. He showed me

all the best places was fine with the card anyway got severe diarrhea at the very end that last place where we were DJing whatever I had now it's all of a sudden

it's Moby and Fatboy no offence no offence this is pathetic Wow the chemical brothers Were in town Very chemical brothers The over the counter

Chemical brothers They're just DJing Really slowly Oh Wien again Cool These guys are awesome Hits and memories Except without the memories DJing really slowly. Oh, Ween again. Cool. These guys are awesome. Hits and memories except without the memories. The Valium brothers are back.

Fucking Ween. I would have played Ween. I didn't even think of that. We're running out of shit to play. Yeah, yeah, that's right. We've run the gamut. So whatever I ate there. Oh, my God.

This is a nightmare. I can't remember what I ordered when we were there because we were about 15 cocktails and 12 beers deep. Oh, that's – so we – On the rider. In that – Yeah, yeah. Backstage.

Yeah. In the lake. Most DJs pay as they're going, yeah? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, pay to play. So we were in a – there's a market street. So we were camped at a certain cocktail place. And he – so we were getting a There's a market street So we were We were camped At a certain cocktail place Yeah

And he So we were getting cocktails Off him DJing there Yeah But then there was like People coming around Offering us menus

From other neighbouring Like little stalls Yeah So whatever I ate That last meal that I had there Was the one I got sent for me That was the one And I can't remember what it was

And I was going to ask you Do you remember it Clearly Yeah Oh real I can't remember what it was, and I was going to ask you, do you remember it? Yeah. Oh, real. I can't remember what it was. It was definitely the food, though.

I mean, I drank so much, I couldn't remember what I ate, but it was definitely the food. I was on pills, I drank a lot. But fuck, that Pad Thai must have been dodgy, I reckon. That garlic bread, I don't know what was in that. I also love it's like you have a severe dietary thing that can kill you. It's like, may as well just get off my head and not be sure what I'm putting into my body. As long as I can fucking read, I'm fine. Yeah, yeah.

So. I, years ago, was in, about five years ago, with Kel, my wife, was in Phuket, and we were coming back to Australia, and we had a domestic flight from Phuket to Bangkok, and we got our food, and it came with a glad wrap over it on the plane and we both looked at it and went that looks fucking disgusting. It was like

fatty chicken and all that shit. But that was fucking disgusting and then I went I'm not going to eat it all. Got to Bangkok and was just crook as fuck and then boarded the flight back to Australia. And the gastro just kicked in. Ugh. Hard.

So I said, and I was going to the toilet all the time. And I said to Kel, right, I'm just going to use that one toilet. So I pointed out the toilet to her. So if ever, because it was overnight. Right, right, right. So you know which toilet to come to. You've probably gone for ages and you're worried. You want to meet me in there in 20 minutes.

So you know which toilet to come to if I've gone for ages and you're worried. You want to meet me in there in 20 minutes? I thought you meant, that's the one I'm using, so don't go to that one. Oh, right. No, I just kind of... I thought it was the code over the puddle. Yeah. The opposite of that. I know.

It was just so she would know where I was. Where you blacked out. Anyway, I go rush off to the toilet at one point i go to that toilet and it's busy someone's in there but i have to fucking go yeah so i have to go back the other way and go to a different one yeah and i'm in there for ages and you don't tell kel i don't tell her so then i'm missing for ages so she gets up and goes to the toilet that i said i would be at and she's through the door going, are you okay, bud? And she's knocking on the door and there's this fucking

someone else there. Yeah, some bloke in there, I can't go when people are knocking. And then, and I'm told, and the flight attendant just knew I was sick. Anyway.

So there's one guy with diarrhea and one guy with severe stage fright at either end of the plane. Working in tandem. And we land in Sydney and the pilot comes on and says, as we're coming up to the gate, and says, ladies and gentlemen, just please stay in your seats for a moment.

A couple of people from quarantine have to come on the plane to clear a passenger. And I'm like, fuck, I know. This is interesting, right? And they get on with these big fucking hazmat suits or whatever and they come to me. Oh, really? And I get a medical check in my seat

before anyone's allowed off the fucking plane. Oh, wow. So they're like, take your temperature, take your pulse. That might... Do a couple of other little things, and I'm like, oh, fuck. Yeah, how'd that feel with everyone staring, everyone on the plane staring at you and Walter White going at it? You know what?

I'd been shitting through the Ivanoodle for eight hours. It was the least of my issues at that particular point in time. I wonder what they would have done if they'd found like, yeah, your diarrhea is a quarantine hazard. We have to send you back. Yeah. What, do they just put you in a box for 24 hours or something? I guess they quarantine you somewhere while they work out what the fuck's going on.

It's not fun. Like, even just as you're getting ready for the flight, I was just like fuck how am i going to do it because i took a shitload of imodium after um just before we bought it so i was like you know try and plug myself up and stuff and then they're doing this after our gig you mean yeah yeah yeah they're doing the safety demonstration and you're just looking at going i'm not going to need a light and whistle to attract attention you're gonna know where i am it's all on.

Yeah, I just knocked myself out with some sleeping pills and just thought, well, if I shit myself from asleep, then so be it. That could be someone else's problem. What a Zen attitude. Adam, they're filming border security. One of the great moments of me getting off the plane was just like, oh, because it was just like a week trip for me, I just took carry on

and that was it. From the plane to the taxi, five minutes tops. Good stuff. Really? Yeah. Absolutely loved it.

Life changing. It's amazing. Yeah. Have you guys ever been, just your quarantine thing reminded me of this. Have you ever been anywhere that has like a weird,

like when I went to China, I was talking to someone about this the other day. When you go to China, there's like a, they're like really strict like you're not having the flu when you come into the country right so there's like this thing that you go through that just monitors specifically for whether or not it does you like like a heat map something like that yeah and it's like so stressful because you walk in and you're like yeah i'm pretty sure i don't have the flu i feel but

also like you're in china so there's a bit of, like, you know, there's a bit of this element of, like, if I go in there and this thing goes off, it's like, this cunt has the sniffles. It's like, I'm sweating now, maybe I do have it. You're one in a billion. Like, fucking take it easy. You know? You wipe out half the population, they'll be fine.

All of a sudden you're in court in China being charged With being a snipply cunt Yeah If it catches on It kills some people Like cool You don't have to have The one child Fucking program

Right But just this huge sign Like you are not allowed in If you have the flu Of like Jesus Christ Do they do that in the I haven't been to the States For far

For a while But I reckon They do that in America Oh really You get a little heat You walk through a thing. Yeah, right. No, maybe not for everyone, but for selected passengers,

if you're looking sweaty. Right. Get in there. More places should have that. The library and the tram and stuff, people really sick, just coughing away. Oh, fuck the library. A heat sensor on the door as people come in.

Nah, mate. Yeah. Not with that cold. I like a bit of, on the way there, going through security on the way there, and through security on the way there, and I don't know whether this is a general common thing that they do, but one of those things where things are running a bit late and it's like, you know how you get the laptop out of the bag,

you could do this, you could do that. People run a bit late and they just go, yeah, just do whatever you want this time. And you're just like, do I take the laptop out of the bag? No. Really? Yeah. Do you want to do it? No, don't do that.

No, we're running a bit late. Oh, okay. So as long as the timing's fine, it doesn't matter what you got in your bag anymore? The one thing I learned, and Liam, you'll know this, from when we've done the gigs for the troops over in the Middle East and stuff, sometimes you get to, on the Hercules, you get to go up to the cockpit, right? And, you know, when you're on the plane, they're like, back in the day, they're like, turn your phone off, make sure it's off.

We don't want to, you know to mess with the electronics and stuff. They've got a fucking microwave oven in the cockpit. Really? Yeah, they've got a microwave because they're on long-haul flights and the pilots need to fucking eat something hot. Yeah, right. And you go, I reckon a microwave is going to fuck with anything more than what's in my pocket.

But do they have one of those safety announcements, can you just not have a burrito during take-off? The microwave has flight mode, though. Why don't they make the whole plan out of the microwave? That's a good point. They are those weird things in the military. When you fly on an Army Hercules, right, you go, and they're always at normal, you tend to get on at normal airports, because the bases tend to be attached to a normal airport.

And you go through and you check your main luggage like you do to carry your hand luggage and you have to go through the x-ray machine like at a normal airport with your hand luggage but there are guys in front of you in the line, army dudes putting through guns, ammo through the x-ray machine.

What are you looking for guys? That gun's hollowed out. What are you saying no to? That gun's hollowed out What are you saying no to? He's got some chicken in that gun Hang on Is that a mango? I was telling someone this the other day Like a little while ago

I was on a flight I was going through security And you know you go through You're at the other end Where the bags have come through And if something looks sus They'll be like Whose bag is this?

And so I'm like standing next to this guy and they've done that. They're like, whose bag is this? And he clocks. So he sees that and he clocks immediately. He's like, mine, yep, sorry, with just this realisation of like he all of a sudden remembers like, you know, what's in the bag that he's not allowed to take through. So they go back round to the front with him and he comes through.

They open the bag up and he just pulls out this giant axe that he had in his carry-on bag. So it's like them going, who's this? And going, oh, fuck, my axe is in there. Oh, I'm such a die. And he's like so apologetic. And they're all just going, how does this slip your mind? Like, honestly, he's like, oh, I'm going on my parents' farm.

It was a flight to Perth or something. They don't have an axe on the farm. He had some good justification it's like bro like even if you were talking like

pre 9-11 security measures then that would have been egregious I've been sprung for having scissors and thought

I might as well kill myself how dumb I am right how do they have you know they're champion woodchoppers it's a really popular

sport they would travel with their axes wouldn't they put it in your axe holder. Yeah, I guess so. A check is probably fine, right? Yeah, I would think so.

I remember when I was doing gigs in Mount Isa, and that's where there's heaps of mining and stuff, and so there's a lot of explosives being used in the mines. And as we were coming back through security there, and I said to the guy, you must get, you know, because, you know, they do the test for, you know, when they do the little fucking tap all over your bag

and your head and all that sort of shit. And I said to the guy, this must go off all the time. And he goes, oh, fucking every day. Shit's made of tears. It's like, so you don't give a shit about security because everyone's covered in, you know, explosives. Right. So if you're going to blow up a plane,

do it out of Mount Isa. Yeah, right, right. So he just goes off constantly and he goes, well, what are you going to do? Yeah, exactly. It was that attitude. He's like, fucking every day. Sorry, mate. If it doesn't go off, something's sus about this plane.

Don't let him on the plane. If you're going to take one thing out of this podcast, that's the advice from Rosie. The Anarchist Handbook by Adam Rosenbach. So it does go off. All the time. Because I have a theory, I had a theory

until now that those things just weren't even turned on. Oh, right. It's like, you know, the scanners at the footy? Yeah. I have a theory

that they're not even turned on. Interesting. But that's just to make people think they're being checked. You're right. Because I've never heard one beep, ever,

at the footy. I had the guy do the explosives test on me not long ago, and he opened, you know, he opens the inside of the backpack and he swabs the inside, and just kind of sitting in there, I had a graphic novel, and as he's pulled the bag open, he's seen it, he's like, what's that? I'm like, that's a comic book that I'm reading.

And he goes, interesting. Like, come on. Don't judge me. Come on, mate. I'm pretty sure you're not meant to be editorialising while you're doing this You're meant to be like the newspaper You're meant to be completely You're looking for explosive You're not giving explosive fucking reviews

Kaboom, got it And where did you get this riddling? Hey, so what I wanted to do maybe this week I thought this might have been A good start for this We don't usually have segments On this show We just usually talk Until we get bored

And then we hit stop But So stop doing the secret sound Yeah yeah It's a shame I liked it We're doing talk back This is

Isn't released for four days But if you can ring in Back in time That would be great But It would be funny To just put a number out And go

Call us now Just have a crack, what you think we're talking about, and call in with a story. Yeah, yeah, yeah, great, great. Thailand? Oh, fuck. Nailed it. You got lucky.

There was, what, years ago, sorry to jump in there, years ago on Mix FM, Des Dowling, and I think it was Lawrence Mooney and I can't remember who the third person was. Michelle Van Ray? It could have been on The Breakfast Show.

And they had a massive promotion, right? And when you have a big promotion, the goal is that it lasts for six weeks because that's a survey period in radio, right? Right. So you announce it on the first morning and it's really hard and then you just take calls over time and then slowly people put the pieces together. And in a perfect world, on the Friday of week six, you get a winner.

Right. And that's a perfect rollout of a survey promotion. Great. So their promotion is, I think it was called something like We're in the World, and they would give clues about a city, right? And then if you guessed it, then you got a family holiday for four to that city, all expenses paid. So you're the boffins, you're picking a shit city.

You're picking like Geelong. Or an obscure city. Or you're picking a good city but you're giving really obscure clues. Right. Right, you know. Yeah, but I'm saying like if you want to not be spending too much on the flights and everything. First clue is MCG.

Hang on, I'm on to it. You get a tram ticket. Well clue is MCG. Hang on, Ian. I'm on to it. You get a tram ticket. Well done. For four. So the first morning, and it's all sponsored. They've got airlines involved and whoever else is involved. And so the first morning they're like, okay, guys, and you've got producers who are going to screen the calls and whatever.

This is a big promotion. First morning, first clue for our city. And it's just a ding, like a bell. Ding. Okay. Like a concierge, sort of a bell ding like that? Well, just let me. I'm asking. So there's just a ding.

I should have rung up. Fuck. And they go to their first call. And you only take one call a day, right? Yep. Ding. All right. It's a tough thing to win.

It's not filling up much time either. What a cliffhanger. I'm fucking... Is this on podcast? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come back next week. Let's stop the story. So this is the Monday morning of the first Monday of the six weeks.

The ding. First caller. Is it a tram in San Francisco? Oh. No. Yes, it is. Oh, wow. Congratulations.

You've won A family holiday And what's your name Dirty Harry Right okay Well you've saved yourself A fucking plane trip Because I live here Oh fuck

And that was the end Of the summer Wow Fuck On the first morning Wow That is Yeah that is

Too I mean If you say tram There's two cities I think of, and that's Melbourne and San Francisco. And if you're in Melbourne, you're not guessing Melbourne. Yeah, that's a loss by them. That's like a bad call.

Someone's copying it. Day one, ding, having the tram ding be day one. Also, the producer just go, mate, don't put it into air. Sorry, mate, we're full. Ring back in five and a half weeks, you fuck. You're smartass. What's that? It's a bad line. It sounded like you said bland, bland, we're full. Ring back in five and a half weeks, you fucking... You smartass. What's that? It's a bad line. It sounded like you said bland, bland, briscoe.

That's wrong. That's not even a city, you fucking idiot. All right, we'll see you tomorrow. It's in a gold, you fucking idiot. Next call, if someone from a travel agent can ring up and rearrange a booking for a prize, for a hypothetical prize. And if someone can install a tram in New York.

I mean, not New York. Somewhere else. Portland. Well, I hope this segment goes a bit better than that. Does it have a name? It does have a name. In fact, it's even got a jingle. It's even got a theme.

We've never done anything like this before. And because I thought it might be a good start with you, both of you, I guess, because you are both very heavy into your sports, professionally, amateurly, all of that sort of stuff. You love your sports. I like my homemade sports. Yeah.

It's not quite that. Good shit, brother. Thank you. Right up my alley. All the Pornhub people on the tram at the moment are going, that's fucking good gear, man. All right, all right, all right. That's the Rosie magic.

All right, I've got this queued up too good. I said on a tram. That may be in Melbourne or San Fran. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the only two places we have listeners. Exactly. All right, all right. Is this a jingle?

This is the jingle. I'm going to start the jingle so you can hear that and then we start the segment. So for the listener, Carl's got the guitar slung over his shoulder. He's got the big bass drum on his back. Now, me and Rosie are going to DJ again this theme. Oh, yeah, I meant to ask that before, just very quickly.

What were some of the things that you DJed and how many people were watching this happen? Give us a brief flavour of the playlist. I think we were trying to sense what we both liked together. So we knew that we both liked Queens of the Stones

and that sort of thing. Yep. So I think we were both going, I'm going, oh, maybe Rosie would like this, or maybe Jenna would like this, and we'd then come back and go, yeah, that was a fucking good one.

Yeah. That's cute. Yeah. There was a bit of rock. There was a fairly heavy rock element to it. Yes. But also,

there was no one else around. There was that table of girls that was behind you for a element to it Yes But also there was No one else around There was that table of girls That was behind you For a little bit And then they fucked off Because we annoyed them Right But then

Too horny Had to go home Yeah yeah yeah Too rocked out Too rocked out Too horny Too horny Their lighters had run out of fluid

From like holding them up Yeah Why are you leaving Dung drizzling horny Ladies we've got to get out of here and rub one out

because we're going insane watching these two hot hunks. We're going to the pharmacy to get some de-hornifying

pills. Have you got any anti-viagra in there? Can we get some of that? They've started a petition to

get the Valiant Brothers back. New Year's Eve we should go back and DJ oh wow we'd own that joint

I wonder what kind of gigs you could get in Thailand if you like in somewhere like Samui if you just sent an email go like to a good club or a bar or whatever

and went hey can we play on New Year's Eve like we're really good DJs back home when in truth you've never done it in your life I've actually tried I've tried this

I tried a year we should call tried this. I tried a year. We should call ourselves 10 Milligrams. I tried a while back because one of the boys from the Avalanches was going to come to one of the Samui festivals. So I was trying to see if I could make it worth his while to DJ at some things. And then I very quickly found out that basically they get whoever the fuck can half DJ, a.k.a. the Valiant Brothers. But it's more of a thing of like,

yeah, but you can stay at this resort. We'll give you free of comm and you're on the beach every night. Who gives a fuck? And you can have everything you want, whatever. I don't think it particularly pays. Great pivot for you, Southeast Asian nightclub promoter.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nothing goes wrong with those guys. They always end up really well. Just Chando in a white linen suit, cruising around. Kerabacan prison well. Just Chandu in a white linen suit cruising around. Kerabacan prison DJ. All right, all right. So we're starting this.

So sports. You boys love your sports. Tommy, maybe not so much, but this might be an education for you. I'm happy to learn. All right, here we go. Yes, here it comes. Oh, yes. Yes!

It's another beautiful example of Chandando's absolutely classic soccer stories. Who could have imagined? Who could have dreamt of anything remotely as good as this? Well, you haven't spared the horses there, mate. Yeah, exactly. That probably goes for a little bit too long, but we can edit that out. What anyone wants when they're about to hold court with a story is really building the expectation up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Jingle and calling it a segment and really making sure. And calling it absolutely classic soccer. Really making sure the odds are stacked against them. And obviously you didn't use all the production values we use in our DJ sets. Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. There was a light show in the room for people at home. Yes, yes.

Smoke machine went off. That was created by a friend of the show, Andrew Doodson. He used to be from Anyone for Tennis. It was in the very early days of this podcast would come on, but has helped us a lot with bits and pieces like that. So some great work from him. Thank you very much. He's also working on my wedding photography

as well. He whipped that up a lot quicker than the wedding photography from two years ago, which I'm still waiting for. No, we talked about this a while back, but someone else took a while. I've given it to him. He's taken a bit of a while, but he's doing a great job. Okay. But anyway, so this is what's planned.

But anyway, so this is what's planned as a running. I've got a few soccer stories from back playing, my playing days. Oh, right. Right. So I thought you guys would relate to this. So feel free to jump in. So from the age of 13 or 14, I was obsessed. I started to get obsessed with soccer.

That was the age for me. Just started to absolutely live and breathe it. And why then? Why 13 or 14? Why didn't it exist in your life before that? Was it just AFL footy before that? Yes, exactly. I was very into AFL football before that, but I had a mate at school who was into soccer.

I went, oh, I'll have a chance to hang out with my mate. I'll go and play with that, play with him. Just got really, really into it. Started watching on TV. Got crazy obsessed. That age as well, 13, 14. Firing up the SBS, the antenna for SBS out in Maryborough. Oh, not yet. No, you couldn't do that back then.

Oh, really? And there wouldn't have been a lot of ethnics around Maryborough. No. I was aware of soccer when I was like eight and stuff, because I grew up in Preston. Yes, right. No, no, you tended to get a lot of... No, the delivery on that was sublime.

There wouldn't have been a lot of ethnics. There was a few. There'd hardly been any Orientals either, I believe. Good Lord. This episode. So, 13, 14. So, in my puberty years, that's when it was like, absolutely, that was the peak.

Here come Liverpool and your pubes. Well, yeah, yeah. It was like remember the late night 0055 adults only numbers that would charge $5 a minute. Well, I used to ring up huge bills using 0055 numbers, but it was the pre-internet soccer phone numbers. Wow. That was the only way to find

out the scores from overnight so you would so there was a service that would give you all the premier league results yes yeah it's not even premier league back then it was just division one okay english division one so you would you would ring up double double five numbers to get the scores from the saturday night because the only other way to do it would be to the paper wait for the paper monday morning so i was like that with the nfl to do it would be to wait for the paper Monday morning. See, I was like that with the NFL. Right. Because it would come, yeah, what would you get it?

Yeah, Tuesday morning, there'd be a little section in the back of the paper. Yes. They would have it. Yeah, yeah, like 10, 12 pages back in. Oh, yeah, it was deep. In the fine, near the harness racing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All that sort of stuff.

The good racing. Yeah, yeah. The good racing. And that's it. And back then, soccer's really big now in Australia, but back then it wasn't. Like, if someone, if too many people got engaged that day, they wouldn't have room for the soccer team. So then you'd never find out.

You got bumped. So this was just... We better drop in. Valentine's Day, he never knew the result. What happened in February? So you were 13 or 14. So just to date stamp this We're talking mid 60s Very nice

Love getting it from someone older than me Love getting that one I wonder if Do you guys have versions of What was your version of a hotline Because I used to call up a very good pre-internet thing I used to call up a hotline about Nintendo games Pre being able to get guys

If you were stuck on a bit Would you ring up and go jump on the turtle Literally like to call up a hotline about Nintendo games. Pre being able to get guys, if you were stuck on a bit, pre being able to get... Would you ring up and go, jump on the turtle? Literally, it's like... Play the game on the phone. It's like you'd call up and go, I can't get past this bit, and there was just some guy on the other end of the line... So you talked to a dude.

...who'd played it flat out. It's like, oh, how do I get past this bit in GoldenEye? And he's like, you need to shoot that guy in the head and then get the key from under the cradle. Oh, it wasn't recorded. It was just a real-life dude. Who just had a chat with you about how to finish the game. Growing up, we used to call...

I grew up in a very small country town in South Australia called Pbinga, and we got a public phone box in the 70s, and it was massive for the town. So they used to dial 0055, and that was the whole number. And it was just Geoff. Oh, g'day, Andy. No, no, no. whole number. It was just Geoff. Oh, g'day, Andy. No, no, no. Wrong number.

What do you need, mate? You've rung up 0054. Damn it. This is Sharon. Our phone number was 26. Really? Yeah, yeah. Fuck yeah.

Everyone's phone number started with 7700 and then everyone in the town had whatever I still remember my Maribor first phone number which was 614565 have at it folks yeah yeah

if it still exists go for it give it a call area code 054 ring up and go is little Chandler there is

eight year old Carl Chandler there I've got some Premier League results for you. We're hoping to book the Valium Brothers for an upcoming gig. Back to the future style. Like some listeners just invented time travel.

All the things they could do, they're like, I'm going to fuck with this podcast. Man, honestly, the 1989 FA Cup final, get on Wimbledon. They're 10-1 to beat Liverpool. Honestly, put whatever you've got on it. So we used to go and call the time, me and my mates. We'd go to the public phone box. Which they've just cancelled now. They don't do that anymore. Yeah, it's literally

just stopped. Yeah. The talking clock is what we've done. On the third stroke, it'll be 7.57 and 22 seconds. Was the number like double one two four or something like that? Yeah, something like that. Yeah, yeah. Fucking classic. It's really a different time.

You talk to someone who's in their early 20s or late teens about ringing the time, they're like, what the fuck are you talking about? And it's unbelievable it was still going now. Who was ringing up for the time like two weeks ago? It was honestly like a month ago. Yeah, yeah.

It was like that. But it's also like it's lasted this long. Why can't it at all? Yeah. Why not just have it there for the rest of eternity? Because if it was still going

until like a month ago that means honestly someone must have rung up in the last couple of weeks and gone, well now I've got no fucking idea. Right.

I'm going to have to go out and look at the sun. It's great that they lasted this long thinking like, no, we'll ride out the iPhone era and like, you know, people just having the time.

It'll blow over. They'll be back to us. They'll come crawling back. They'll need to know. Don't you feel people on their iPhone ringing for the time? Yeah, totally. It's right in front of you. It must have been.

You know who used to voice the time? Who's that? Gretel Cline. Oh, really? Wow. So there was, I don't know if they had different people. It's time to go. 12.45.

Please welcome 12.46. Oh, fuck yeah. They're kind of calling up to hear the time. It's sort of like the original podcast. You're having to hunt it out. You're having to make the effort to have it come into your life. And it's just about a very niche topic that you happen to be

into at that time. It's just about one specific thing. The reviews started to drift in recent years. So you're obsessed. You're getting your overnight results. I'd be ringing that up. So you'd wake up Sunday morning and you'd ring that up.

And it would be a very... It wasn't a real person you're talking to. It was a prerecorded thing. It was a very slow talking host. If we remember – Oh, they're trying to milk the money. Yeah. If you remember the Simpsons parody of like the Corey hotline or whatever it was. That's exactly – that's like wasn't a parody.

That was exactly how it was. Yeah. So it would be me ringing up and them just dragging it out and me paying about $10 before finding out that the score at Bremel Lane had been Sheffield United nil, Liverpool nil. But you're still treating it like a phone sex line, so you're like, God, I am right on the edge here. Oh, Nil, I wasn't expecting that.

But it is actually working because it's honestly building tension, but unintentionally because they're just like, we're milking you, but I'm like, fucking what's the score? Was Liverpool always buried deep or could you get it early occasionally? There'd be some absolutely unnecessary description up top. Right, right. It's been quite a round. Tight.

I love it. We don't need any of this shit. Come on. But you did as a kid. You're like, oh, was it? It was quite a round. Yeah, you didn't view that as like you're living in Maryborough, like this is my window to the outside world.

No, I wasn't paying the bills. Mum and Dad were getting the phone bills at the end of the month and going, what the fuck is this? What was the biggest phone bill you blew out to? Oh, I don't know. There was a money tin there that I would be putting money into. But it was a very, what's the opposite of generous? When I was about 12 or 13, my sister and I decided we'd call the states. Just random numbers.

We worked out the area codes. So New York was like 2-1-2, right? We knew that. So we'd be like 2-1-2. Because as a kid, that's amazing. Let's ring someone from New York. It's basically a celebrity. And just go, you know, and you'd answer.

And you'd be like, hey. Well, I'm not from New York, so I wouldn't have answered. Well, just say you'd won the Mix FM competition and you were there and I happened to ring your hotel room. And the clue was, New York, New York. New Jersey, it's nearby. And we'd chat to him. We'd just be like, hey, we're from Australia.

We're just asking about fucking what's going on and whatever. Oh, my God, that's great. And one day, Dad opens the fucking Telstra bill, telecom bill. Telecom bill, yeah, yeah. And it was like 480 bucks, which is his little fucking mid to late 80s. And he just went, 480, and you could just hear him explode. And he was just about to ring them. And my sister and I are looking at each other going, we're fucking dead.

And he was just about to ring telecom to give him a spray. And then I was like, oh, no, that was us. And fuck, did we cop it. Who are these chatty Cathy's from New York? I think it was super expensive back then. No ring America. No ring America for a week. Hong Kong from now on.

Do you remember what kind of chats you were having with these people? I remember asking about the temperature and stuff over there. Of course. Yep. Interesting stuff. That was really shit. The American talking clock about the temperature and stuff over there. Of course. Yep. Interesting stuff. That was really shit. The American talking clock. What time is it over there?

Who's on Letterman tonight? Yeah. All right. So I was obsessed with playing soccer. Sorry. But obsession doesn't necessarily guarantee success. I lost a lot of grand finals growing up. So I was really, really into it, but never won anything.

Playing from the age of about 12 to the age of 24, I'd never won anything in my life. Despite being that into it, I'd practice. That may not sound like a big deal, but considering it was the main focus of my entire life for those years, it's a bit depressing. Devastating, right? And this is all in Maryborough?

This is Maryborough, Ballarat. So around that area? Yeah, around that area. Different teams, whatever. So a bit depressing It was so dominating In my life Soccer

Soccer fucked my High school exam scores Hence why I do This now I fucked my mum's Chrysanthemums Because I would

Wow What a pause What a pause Soccer fucked my mum New t-shirt Well I'd be running Around the back garden I'd just be

0055 what happened to mum Sheffield Wednesday 69 mum Eric Cantona is here to see you yeah you were spacing that out

like you were doing the phone call soccer fucked my mum I just realised I didn't know how to pronounce that word

how did it fuck the chrysanthemums? Well, I was running around the back gardens playing every day after school, just using anything as a goal and just smashing the fuck out of the garden at all times. Were you a striker, midfielder, defender? Striker. You're a striker. Yeah, definitely a striker.

Showboat. Striker. Big show pony. Look at him. Exactly. Hanging off the back of the last defender, all Shroker. Shroker. Big show pony. Look at him. Exactly. Hanging off the back of the last defender. All about the goals. What year, in all seriousness, what year is this?

This is late 80s. So this is, well, it depends exactly what, you know what, I'll get to this. Have you ever kicked a scissor kick goal? No. Not able to do that. Okay. Did you practice that? No.

On the chrysanthemums? No, I had a few guys and I was like, this is not for me. I don't have the coordination for that. Okay. That's a big, I was a big dribbler, I had a few. On the chrysanthemums. No, I had a few goes and I was like, this is not for me. I don't have the coordination for that. Okay. That's a big, I was a big dribbler. I was a big. Did you ever kick one around the wall from a free kick? Could you curve a ball?

I'd curve a ball, but not amazing. I was always trying, but I'd never got, I don't think I ever got a free kick goal, like curved around the wall. I hit the post a few times. That was about the extent of it. General. No. So, no.

Yeah. So, fuck the high school scores, fuck the extent of it. General. No. So no. Yeah. So fuck the high school scores, fuck the garden and fuck my love life. Not really, but it'd be nice to have something

to blame. Yeah. Right. So 24. 24. So that means 24, this is 2000, I'd say.

Okay. Year 2000. 24. So you're worried about football and Y2K? Yeah. Stress and time. Yeah Exactly So that was

My team at the time Was Daylesford I lived in Ballarat But I would travel to Daylesford To play for Daylesford For some reason I don't know You fucking hipster

Yeah yeah I don't know I'll tell you what It wasn't fucking hip back then There was a lot of It was fucking hillbillies Daylesford is a weird mix Of

It's you know A very popular Weekend destination Of people from Melbourne Going down Very strong gay community hillbillies. Dalswood is a weird mix of, it's, you know, very popular weekend destination of people from Melbourne going down, very strong gay community and then just people from the hills

that are still ringing the fucking, the talking clock. To say what time is my meth coming? Yeah. No, to ask what year it is.

So, I played for Dalswood in 2000, made the grand final. Nice. Made our first grand final. I'd lost a for Dallas In 2000 Made the grand final Nice Made our first grand final I'd lost a couple grand finals Made the grand final This one though

Was under lights At North Ballarat Oval So North Big guns Big yeah The biggest thing you can do In Central Victoria I would say

The biggest venue Does a crowd come out For this game Crowd comes out for the game What time's kick off About Hang on I'll, I'll ring. I'll ring the talking clock.

Back in 2000. This is about 7.30 kick-off, I think. On a Friday or Saturday night? Friday night. Friday night. So you've been at work? If you've had a job. I think I was at uni.

Okay, righto. This is Friday Night Lights. Yeah. Yes, exactly. So we've gone to lights. Smash Williams. Yeah. And North Ballarat.

So there was a little bit of, I think at this stage, I've maybe lost four grand finals, something like that. Okay. So there was a little bit of here we go again. So I stress myself sick under the – Actually, you know what? I wasn't living in Ballarat. I was back in Maryborough for a year.

I worked back in Maryborough for a year, and I was travelling back and forth at this stage. So it's even sadder Than it Yes Originally Absolutely You're hoping a scout's

Going to see you At this grand final This is my ticket Out of here I'm going to go to college Exactly I could get into Windourie

Windourie Idiot I knew what I was Saying as I was Fucking Come for me So I was stressing myself Sick during the week

Back in Mirabar About this So I'm out on the farm Out on the parents farm I'm practising Soccer's fucking your mum Yeah exactly Exactly

I'm practising Imaginary penalty shots Against the farm gate All week Just in case that came up Practising flat out So And I was stressing

Because I had a bit of a tendency To go missing In big matches So I was Choker And I was stressing because I had a bit of a tendency to go missing in big matches. Choker. Yeah, I was a flat track bully. Yeah, right. We'd play the bottom teams and I'd fill up my socks. Jesus, that sums you up a lot, doesn't it? You're a flat track bully.

Don't put Chandler out in front of a tough crowd. Don't even say flat track. So I was stressing about that, about going missing again, the big matches, not getting a touch, and of course getting another runner's up medal. So as the game happens, the game kicks off, great. Underlights. Never played underlights before.

Awesome. Yeah, exciting. Did you have the little black streaks under your eyes? No, I didn't. Like in American football? No. And also, you know, the best ground I've ever played at. Yeah, okay.

The biggest crowd we've played at. All that sort of stuff. Were you the... Is this top level or was there a game... Were you the curtain raiser? Was there a game after this? No, this is the grand final

of the Ballarat and District Association. So no game after you. You're the sole game. That's all people coming out to. Yeah, yeah, exactly. The headline event. Yes. How much were tickets?

I know you didn't have to pay to get in, but... There was no price. We were begging people to come. know you didn't have to pay to get in, but... There was no price. We were begging people to come. Okay, righto. No price to get in. So how many people do you reckon were there? Oh, a couple hundred. Okay.

Yeah, yeah. Which wasn't bad for us. Yeah. I think. Totally. Yeah. So, yeah. So I'm stressing about that.

Underlights. Starts happening again. I can't get a kick. Who are you playing against again? We're playing against Sebastopol, traditional rivals, Sebastopol Vikings. And what's your team called? The Dalesford Saints.

Okay. Which I designed the logo for, and as I left the team, they got a new logo. What was your logo design? That might tell us a bit about where this story's going. When they burnt the flag. I was really pissed off because I designed... And the floppy disk it came on.

They drove him to the city limits and threw him out the back of a van. I was a graphic designer. I designed the logo. I was just like... You put yourself on it. No, no. I designed a little man with the saint sort of outfit and he had a saint because we were the saints. And then they just got rid of it. No, no. I designed a little man with the saint's sort of outfit and he had a saint because we were the saints

and then they just got rid of it and someone who isn't a designer, some half-assed bloke got in word art and fucking found this little pump because of, you know, the springs out near like the Hepburn Springs. Oh yeah. Like a pump that gets the water out and that is not a very aesthetic looking thing.

Like no one goes out there and goes, oh, we're the pumps, everyone. Let's win. Yeah, again though, that's a bit more outside the box thinking. You're coming at this too on the nose. Oh, the saints all have a saint. This guy's like representing the area. The rich heritage. I think there's a good reason to be inside the box

when your name's the saints. I like it. We're the saints. Here's a pump. The fact that it's word art as well just makes it even better. But also it's like they're known for their mineral water. It's like you don't even have a picture of the water. It's like the device that gets the water out. It's great.

I'd love to see your logo designed for them. It wasn't bad. I reckon I could find it somewhere. Please do. That would be great. I mean, what a treat. Yeah for them. It wasn't bad. I reckon I could find it somewhere. Please do. That would be great. I mean, what a treat. Yeah, yeah. I'll find it.

Let's make that new Dunlop merch T-shirts with your old Saints logo on them. What a great bit of merch. I'm still going to wear the pumps. No, then I'm out the front of our shows with a suitcase. I've made my own bootleg pumps man I'm undercutting your t-shirt design Great So you're not getting a touch

You're up forward Is this the fault of the midfielders For not fining you Or what's going on I'd love to say that We had a pretty good midfield I'd love to say that I'd say that

We had a very strong midfield I think Were you up against a good defender I think we had okay Look unless I was getting good supply I wasn't a big track backer Strong midfield. Were you up against a good defender? I think we had okay. Look, unless I was getting good supply, I wasn't a big track backer. I wasn't a hard worker. So you didn't work two ways?

No. You weren't Mr. Showbiz, Mr. Goal. I was running one way. Yeah, righto. I wasn't doing a lot of... Were you listening before when he said he was practicing all week? It was all about the penalty shots, which requires zero effort. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There wasn't a lot of running up to the front gate and back.

There was a lot of eight yards out, hitting the ball as hard as I could for a little bit. Yeah, yeah. Pass the dog. Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. So can't get a kick. We're favourites. We're one nil down at halftime. Oh, Jesus.

So we go into the change rooms. No good. I'm having a shit one everyone's down i'm like this is happening again what's the coach like coach is like uh oh look i think i don't think our coach wish you'd fuck off back to mary yeah yeah no i don't i don't i think we'd be winning all season it was sort of a bit like well i don't know we really haven't had this happen before so it was like, alright can we go out there and not do that? Can we do the opposite

of that in some way? I don't think there was much motivational. Boys, you're looking disgraceful out there. I know we're not playing very well. I'm talking about the logo on the uniforms. It just doesn't represent the area. I feel, I want a water I don't know how to extract it.

Can you maybe pump some goals in or something like that? How am I meant to pump you up with this? Oh, hang on. Instead of representing dead cunts that are up in the sky, how about you pump some goals in? How many goals have you kicked across the season? I reckon I was, I think I was top scorer. I think I was top scorer at this point.

Okay, so you were someone they could look to? Absolutely. I'm one of the reasons we're favourites. I'm top scorer in the league, so there's a reason we're 1-0 down, and it's me. Did you win a trophy for that? Top scorer? Sure. Yeah, I think I did. So you were the Lionel Messi

of the Dalesford Saints? Absolutely. Yeah, except for... Oh, Dalesford pumps. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If Lionel Messi Didn't run as much As what he did If he just hung up the top And asked the midfielder To just give it to him

About two yards out I would be the Lionel Messi Of that situation And the goalie Was having a seizure Okay You were more The Grenville Dietrich

Of And people who know Who Grenville Dietrich is Will acknowledge that As a very good joke. Yeah. No one in the room would hear that. I hope both of you enjoyed that.

Hope his mum and dad enjoyed that. So, that's half time. I'm having a shoot one. Second half, we go out there. About 20 minutes in. We're starting to bombard the goal. Here we go. A teammate shoots that goal.

Keeper saves. Comes straight to me. Oh, bounce off his hand. goal. Here we go. A teammate shoots that goal. Keeper saves. Comes straight to me. Oh, bounce off his hands. Yeah. Here we go. Comes straight to me. Chandler. But this is my position.

The poacher. Choking Chandler. Two yards out. Oh, fuck. Keeper fumbles. Yeah. On there. There's no running.

I'm sitting there. I might as well put it in. Boom. Goal. One all. Wow. Bang. Chandler scores.

Chandler scores. In the big game. Under lights. Yes, exactly. Finally. You're the man. Finally. Crowd One all. Wow. Chandler scores. Chandler scores. In the big game. Under lights. Yes, exactly. Finally. You're the man. Finally.

Crowd ecstatic. Yes. The 70 who was still there. Yeah. Look, they couldn't catch me. I was that excited about finally kicking a goal in a big match. Top off? No top off.

It was fucking Ballarat. It was about four degrees. So, yeah. I was like, I don't think I've ever celebrated that hard in my life. I ran straight. It was the most I ran all game I just ran Straight to the side To give the salute

Nice Got a stitch Great Chando Senior up in the stands Got a tear in his eye I love you boy Yeah I don't think we got that much I think mum might have been watching

That might have been About it So right So it's 1-1 Back Dales was back in at the second back She held up a chrysanthemum might have been watching that might have been about it so right so it's 1-1 back Dales was back in at the second she held up

a chrysanthemum worth it good one son I saved on for it so about 10 so this is that's about 60 minute mark

I reckon 60 minute mark so we're about half an hour left to play so we keep we're bombarding the goal at this point

we're the favourite we're back I don't think we had that I don't think no injury time I don't think a ref had a watch Half an hour left to play. So we keep going. We're bombarding the goal at this point. We're the favourite. We're back. I don't think we had that. No injury time. I don't think a ref had to watch. I think he was ringing up the talking clock. On his Nokia 3210.

Fuck, he's expensive. Can't imagine who will last for seven days. They'll be okay. It's like, hang on. Yeah, yeah. So it's ten minutes later, I reckon. So it was about 70, 75 minutes in. Well.

We go back into the box. This is building. Teammate gets tripped. Oh. Penalty. Referee points to the spot. Here we go. Penalty.

Surely Chandler's called to the spot. It's a penalty. And Chandler, Chandler's the penalty taker. Because he is nothing if not absolutely goal hungry. He's not doing any tracking back, but he knows how to try and be the keeper from about 12 yards out. So during the season, are you designated the penalty kicker? Do you become the dude? You do.

You do. I think at some point I'd come across from another club, I'd been the penalty kicker. There, they didn't have one that was any good at all. They used to give it to this one bloke who was still haunted from missing mid. Still haunted. Yeah, but the teammate, he was a great player. He used to win Player of the Year every year.

And then he used to play back in England and he used to support Ipswich Town. And he was obsessed with them. And he got to do a penalty shootout at halftime at Portman Road, which is the home ground of Ipswich Town. And he skied the penalty into the fucking crowd. And he used to talk about it all the time. do a penalty shootout at halftime at Portman Road which is the home ground of Hipswitch Town and he skied the penalty into the fucking crowd and he was still

he used to talk about it all the time he still haunted for that but still took the penalties for Darlson and would miss who was the Italian guy that did that

Baggio he missed the at the World Cup yeah the big one at the 94 World Cup and I think Gary Neville did it at not Gary Neville

no there was a few famous Philip Neville no at the not the did it at the... Not Gary Neville. No. There's a few famous... Or Philip Neville. No, not the World Cup, at the Euro Championships. It wasn't Philip Neville. It was Gareth Southgate. Oh, Gareth Southgate. Yes, Gareth Southgate.

That's what you were going to say, Tommy. It was to Gareth Southgate. I'm on the edge of my seat with this story. Who fucking cares? Save your fucking bottle cap beer trivia for later. Thanks. All right, all right. So sorry. All right. Anyway. Save your fucking bottle cap beer trivia for later Thanks Alright, alright, so sorry Anyway We may as well be speaking another language

You two nerds can shut up I've got to fulfil the sports nut Tommy Daslos I've got my scarf on, I'm loving it It's all sports like this I'm on the edge of my seat Captain Downhill Ski is about to take a penalty shot. Here we go.

So you're there. You're lining up for the penalty. They bring out the gate from your mum and dad's farm so you can really get in the zone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll tell you what. The gate at mum and dad's farm seemed huge compared to what the goal seemed like right at this point.

Right. So I put the ball on the spot. Right. As I put the ball on the spot, I find out in hindsight later after the game that as I I put the ball on the spot. Right. As I put the ball on the spot, I find out in hindsight later after the game that as I'm putting the ball on the spot, my mate, the goalkeeper, is placing a monetary bet with one of the defenders on the fact that I will miss the kick.

Wow. Our goalkeeper is betting $20 that I'm going to miss the goal. Well, he's got to get something out of it. Exactly. That's smart. It's like... Is there much banter from the opposition team when you're about to go have a shot? Like, over the course of your career, is it just like, mate, oh, you're going to fucking

choke this one. When are you... Oh, there might have been... I don't know. Carl Chokler, we call you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. Behind your back. Right, no.

You know what? That's a good question. But look, if there ever was going to be this I used to cop From this town From this side Because they fucking Hated us And they hated me In particular For some reason

Traditional rivals Yeah For some reason Yeah Now I haven't been able To put my finger on it Yeah They

Fuck they really Hated me But anyway They'd met you Yes That might have been it That might have been it So If you've yes that might have been it they might have been it

if you've got any clues as to why they might have had a go get in touch with the guys I've never had that experience again

since then so it was this weird thing yeah so you learn you move on change your behaviour

yeah yeah so put the ball on the spot well I'll tell you what our goalkeeper that cunt loses his 20 bucks oh Chando Chando So I put the ball on the spot. Well, I'll tell you what. Our goalkeeper, that cunt loses his 20 bucks. Oh!

Chando! As all the midweek practice against that gate pays off, as I stroke the exact same penalty I've practiced all week, I give the keeper the eyes the wrong way, as I stroke the ball into the right of the net, triumphantly pass the 48-year-old 100-kilo keeper who was only playing goals because no one else wanted to and was never going to move either side anyway. Right.

Mate, you put two goals in in the grand final. That's it. So you two went up with 15 minutes left. Yeah, that's it. So we... Parked the bus. We parked the bus. Yeah.

As in I stopped running. I've done my job. I just kept doing what you'd been doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't get any more free assists. Again, the most I've run all day. Yeah, okay, good, good. Boom, boom.

And what's going through your head at this point? Are you already, are you spending the check? Are you in your head like... Where do I find Valium's postcard? Where's the Ritalin? Exactly. No, I'm like, God. Can I DJ?

Fuck, hold on, please. If the other ten people can fucking somehow work as hard as they can to hold on while I sit up front and look for another charity kick, that would be awesome. Anyway, I did play with a very, very good team. They were excellent. The clock ticks down. We win.

First thing we've ever won. We go fucking crazy. First thing I've ever won. I fucking crazy first thing i've ever won yeah i go crazy uh i go so nuts i i we go off the field we celebrate i go off i go into a bathroom by myself oh my god and i'm so i'm so no no no do we take guesses i'm so overwhelmed because at the moment this is my life this is the only thing

I've been concentrating in my whole life right I'm so overwhelmed that I burst into tears I go I go this

I've scored two goals under lights to get us back from 1-0 down to win grand final under lights it's literally my dream it's the best thing

I've ever done I unleash a flood of tears as I cry the hardest I've ever cried until I watched the movie Mar tears as I cry the hardest I've ever cried until I watch the movie Marley and Me a few years later. What a fucking loser, am I right, fellas? I'm in a cubicle. I'm in a cubicle hiding away, right?

So as that happens, I don't see anyone, but I hear a teammate. I hear the footy boots walk in. As I'm crying, I hear someone walk in, stop, turn around and exit. I don't say who it is. I don't know what's going on. They just walk out. We go out and celebrate. I don't hear anything more about it until we go on the footy trip.

We then go on the footy trip. We get on the bus and I hear nothing but that. We go to Port. Where do you go to? Port Ferry. Oh, wow. Yeah. Wow.

Quite a celebration. We really celebrate. Yeah, yeah. Classic footy trip. So it's like a two and a half hour drive from Ballarat? Yeah, maybe two. Yeah, three. So I'm on the bus.

It gets brought up very early on the bus. Oh, good. Here he is, Cal Boo Hoo. Yeah, yeah. I absolutely cop it for the entire train for crying like a fucking baby just because I kicked two little goals. So I cop it for the trip. I cop it for the...

However, there is a happy ending because fortunately... This is starting to sound like the Thailand trip. Yeah, yeah. All right, thanks, guys. Fortunately, by the end of the trip, as we're on the bus on the way home from Port Ferry, there's a brief moment where I'm not being called cried rice or the bus tape player. Very good, by the way.

That's good. That's real good. Three professional comedians. None of us cooked that one up. Or the bus tape player isn't playing Tears for Fears. All right. Lemo had Carl Boohoo Chang. Right, right.

Even Tears for Fears, it's not even the song name. It's beyond that. It's subtle. Don't listen to the song, man. A footy club would have done that, but this is soccer. It's a bit more European. That's kind of great. Everyone wins.

You get a good roasting. They're a great band. You just put the greatest hits on It's like if it was just the title of the song It's just that one song Everyone wants to enjoy their entire Everyone wants a rule of the world What's that mean?

I don't know Tears for fears Yeah think It's cryptic This bullying is cryptic See now you can theme up a playlist In half a second Exactly

Couldn't do it back then Why am I being humiliated? Let me explain it to you. So, there's a brief... I tell you, the Valiant brothers aren't this deep.

Yeah, yeah. And I find it kind of funny, I kind of find it kind of sad, that crying in the toilet was the best I've ever had. So, this is still happening. Right. There's a brief,

there's a brief moment where it stops off right. When a junior player, a junior player in the squad, and this guy I think is 16, 17 at the time or something. Is he hot? I haven't thought particularly. Again, it's the Rosie magic. He's back.

Just a bunch of seniors taking away a young boy to Port Ferry. Yeah, yeah. So he's becoming a man. He's trying to keep up with all the senior players. I'm sure he is. We've won. Real fast.

Yeah, he's part of the greatest moment of my and the rest of our lives. As many 16-year-old boys are. So this junior player. He's thinking if he slays this 24-year-old. Is this the thing

he's about to get a hit in on you? No, no, no. This is it. You know those moments where it's a bus full of men and teenagers and stuff and everyone's going crazy Is this the thing he's about to get a hit in on you? No, no, no, no, no, no, this is it. This is one, you know those moments where, you know, it's a bus full of men and teenagers and stuff and everyone's going crazy, everyone's yelling, everyone's drinking.

You don't get a lot of quiet moments. For some reason, there is a very quiet moment where you hear this 16, 17-year-old player say, hey, you guys know when you drink your own cum? And the bus goes, what the fuck? And my tears are never mentioned again for the rest of the trip. Wow, yeah. For the rest of the three-hour trip, it is nothing but roasting this cum.

The tears for Fierce CD out the window to come here for Thea's CD right into the shuffle. Exactly. Exactly. So the rest of it, it never even gets mentioned again for the rest of my career at Dastard. And I thank you very much

to, that happened, I'll never be able to give enough thanks to our reserve defensive right back, Kamita Morgan. So thank you very much. Kamita Morgan. And for the rest of the trip,

did you just play Boy George's come a, comecome-a-come-a chameleon? I wish I had you back there. Yeah, yeah. You miscried Rice, but you were front-sector with that one. So, that's... I love this guy.

Just to try and get into the... Does he think that you're getting bullied so hard that he thinks that that's a smokescreen where it's like, I can talk about anything I want and it's not going to be as... You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like, I'm safe.

I don't think he was trying to save me. I don't think he was trying to save you. No, no, it's just a tenured question he had for adults. So to him it was a normal thing. Yeah. It was normal. Yeah, to him it was like... You know that thing and the rest of us are like...

As a sidebar, what was your answer? Just curious, just curious. Just like to know. It's wrong, yeah? Did you get to the bottom of why he was up to that? No. I don't think there was... Well, let's assume.

Yeah, between about 18 idiots that have been drinking for half the trip, I don't think anyone really got into the Q&A. It wasn't a time for a detailed cross-examination. No, it wasn't a Geoffrey Robertson's hypotheticals at that point. It wasn't an Andrew Denton's interview, enough rope. It was more just, what the fuck did you just say? That's some weird shit. I like this segment.

If they all end like this. And then he asked, do you guys eat your own coffee so that's the end of this segment it's a good segment

well that's been this week wow this week I'd come drink it great story yeah I'm just

floored by that guy I want to know everything about him I want to get deep into the psychology

well I want to get deep into that and I also want to know what is he doing now do you know what is he doing now? Do you know? I think he is living on a farm.

I think he might be a farmer. Yeah. A cum farmer. Yeah. Well, aren't we all? Yeah, like a lot of the farmers I'm going through a bit of a drought at the moment, boys.

I did it outside the other day. I've become solar farm, so. Mine's free range. When I don't want to do it, I stick a scarecrow down there just to. I'm looking for some government support at the moment. Oh, fuck. All right. Well, I think we've got to wrap it up for another week on the Little Dumb Dumb Club.

Like that guy, he didn't wrap it up, but he got it right out. So we have to wrap it up Limo and Adam Rosenbach thank you very much for joining us thank you pleasure boys thank you

things that you'd like to plug Limo ah gee Adelaide Fringe I'm doing Adelaide Fringe next year

okay oh yeah got a title for it yeah Limo younger than Brad Pitt nice is the name of my show

that's great great and it's about you know getting old if it wasn't obvious enough from the title yep younger than Brad Pitt nice is the name of my show that's great great and it's about you know getting old if it wasn't obvious enough from the title

yep and yeah that's about it really great Rosie you've got your book as you as we mentioned very briefly up the top

you've got your book that's in the in some form of bestsellers list at the moment yeah yeah I was on the Booktopia bestsellers top ten list

so Paris and Other Disappointments and the audio book will be coming out very shortly. I recorded that a couple of weeks back, which was a fucking nightmare of a process. Oh, wow. That's weird that you've got the same book title as Rob Mills' book as well. But anyway. Topical. Deep cut. Did you have any, because we talked to Dave O'Neill a few years ago when he had an audio book that he'd put out,

and you have to... I was fascinated by this. You have to read the text exactly. So he had, like, one or two typos in the book. Oh, yes. That he then had to say on the recording. Like, they don't let you fix it up. I should keep the typo in.

Yeah, it's like what's meant to be an accurate 100%. Does that mean you have to read the number down the bottom of each page as well? No, I noticed a lot of typos and we picked them up so we could say to them if there

is ever another reprint to fucking fix it and there's quite a few like when I was reading this it's fucking

terrible right this book's a disaster but still buy it out now expect to read over a few

sentences a couple of times what does that fucking mean? What, he went to Belgium? The fucking book says Paris. Is that why you're doing a lot of press for it? Just to get it sold out quickly so you can get the reprint underway?

Fix those typos up? Fix it all up. He actually went to Belgium. Right, right, right. All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. And they've done it again.

Unequivably. Unequivably? Is that it? Isn't it unequivicably? Oh, maybe it's it. You left the ick out. I've done it again, which is fuck up. But you know what?

The purpose of language is for people to be able to understand what you're saying and to be able to communicate with people. There's no one who would have heard that and not that and not known what you were trying to get at. Unless I made that word up and it's a new word, which means the opposite of that, what you thought it was. Oh, you've accidentally said a word that does exist. Yeah. Right.

Well, maybe. Who knows? Yeah. But one thing's for sure, they've done it again. Yeah. We've done something again just then that's not great. That was very fun. I know we talk about Thailand a bit, but that was new adventures.

That was fun. Different angle on it. Amazing to still be finding fresh meat on the carcass of Thailand after all these years. I know. And us actually having a segment on the show, apart from talking Dundum, of course. Right. Well, this isn't a segment. This is its own show.

You're right. You're right. Oh, by the way, we should introduce ourselves yeah i'm tommy dazzolo thanks for joining us and uh i'm your sidekick on this on this show carl chandler welcome welcome welcome to all the people who skip the preamble and just get straight to this bit heaps of them out there so you may not understand some of the references when we refer back to the episode, in which we almost never do. Yep. But, you know, I've got to say, Talking Dumb Dumb may be my favourite part of the show every week.

I certainly enjoy doing it, mostly because it's free of the stress and rigmarole of booking guests for the actual episode. Yes. It's just you and me aligning our calendars, and that's all it is. It's almost like we have no standards for this bit of the show either. So we're like, well, who cares?

We're free to go into just kind of a fugue state and that's where the real comedy comes out of. It is funny that we do – I mean, I know it is part of our job. It is our job to make a good show. But it is funny that you put yourself into a real mindset of, right, we're doing this. This is business now. Yeah.

And then with this bit, it's sort of like, well, mum and dad are out of the house. Let's just do it. Let's chuck the duster into the fan now. Well, I think about this a lot. It's like sometimes we come up with some of the funniest stuff from a week's episode is in this bit. The bit that the least amount of effort goes into. Yeah, yeah.

Because we're just truly free to just think on our feet. And the bit that the least people listen to. Yeah, yeah. But we're just truly free to just think on our feet. And the bit that the least people listen to as well. Yeah, yeah. But, you know, like we say this a lot, it's like pretty nearly every week, what bits get commented on on social media? Yeah. Bits from right here, baby. Yeah.

Because I think we raise questions, whereas in the real show, we just, you know, we just tell funny stories to people and we finish them and people have got no more questions because they're all done. They're all tied up in a nice little bow. Well, it's also a bit of like in the main episode we have guests on. So we probably still raise questions, but we have people who are infinitely smarter than us in the room to actually answer those questions. Right. Whereas this bit is just two idiots with no one to help them out.

Other than their legion of fans who can't wait to get on social media and go, it's pronounced unequivocally, you fucking idiot. Can't wait for that. Looking forward to, we're going to be in the Gold Coast and in Hobart really, really soon if you're listening to this hot off the presses. Looking forward to that. Of course, we've got the very big looming 500th episode coming up in quite a while.

But tickets, we get the ticket updates every day and they just are moving every single day, which is very exciting. Great to see. Which causes a great amount of morning glory in both of us. So thank you very much for everyone who are continuing to buy that. You were close to getting a Viagra subscription because you were pretty much dead down there. These ticket sales every morning has negated the to buy that. You were close to getting a Viagra subscription because you were pretty much dead down there.

Yeah. These ticket sales every morning has negated the need for that. Absolutely. Over in Thailand, just getting a little ding in the morning gave me a little ding in the morning. Very nice. And as we've said on the show before, it is assigned seating. It's in a big old theater.

So the quicker that you hop onto it, don't think that you can be leaving this until the last minute and then just get there when doors open and cheat your way into the best possible seat for booking at the last possible minute if you want a good seat you have to get onto it right now and of course another big looming thing coming up is uh we've talked about on the show is uh tommy daslo's debut art exhibition yes my ticket out of this death trap. Yeah, November the 20th, it's opening at B-Side Gallery on Brunswick Street in Melbourne, and then it's on for two weeks until December the 1st, but the big opening night, Wednesday, November the 20th,

from 6pm, free beer, stuff for sale, lots of art that I've been working on pretty hard for the last few weeks. People have been asking me, am I going to have stuff for sale for people who can't make it? And the answer is yes. Anything that I don't sell there will go online. Oh, right.

So they get the scraps. They get the scraps. So what have I actually got for sale? I've got a bunch of different screen prints that people can get. I'll have all the original stuff there as well will be for sale. Original meaning on canvas and stuff like that? Canvas and like, yeah, ink drawings and stuff. I'll also have some T-shirts that I've made,

some hats that I've made instead of stickers that I've made. It's a real operation. I'm really just deep in on consumerism at the moment. Can I hop up and do five minutes of new at the start of it? Can I just try some jokes out at the start? You've never been to a gallery, have you? But yeah, I'm really looking forward to it. I've been working my little fanny off on this thing.

And it's close enough now that I can actually really visualize how it's all going to look in the space. And I'm pretty excited about it. Great. Now, to confirm what we talked about when we first talked about this exhibition. So what's the name of it again? It's called Vanilla Hills. Right.

So, we talked about this and riffed about this a few months ago. So, this is the plan. So, what you've talked about there is all of your artwork in the normal room, in the normal space. Yep. Then, Nick Capper's got a part of it as well. So, yeah. You go up the stairs, big beautiful gallery space. There'll be all my work in there, canvases, screen prints,

original drawings, stuff for sale, great vibe, bit of music playing. Then the gallery also down the back of the hallway has a toilet. Yes. And along that toilet there's a big long wall. Right. Separates all the cubicles. Yep. And Nick Capper's debut art exhibition will be happening as a pop-up exhibition within my exhibition.

Yep. In the toilets of my exhibition. Yep. There will be the Nick Capper show happening. Outside the toilets or in the toilets? Well, so it's like a, there's like two separate cubicles. Yes. So there's just like a big long wall along where those cubicles are.

Right. So I think his work is going to be along that wall. Okay. He came in the other day to take some measurements and check the space out. Right. So that was exciting to see him get a look at his space for the first time. It does not sound like him being organized this far out. I know.

But anyway. Yeah. And so then, so that's Nick Capa's mini exhibition within the exhibition. But then there's another babushka exhibition within this. So he's kind of like hiring space from me. Well, I'm hiring the gallery for my exhibition. Capper is then hiring part of that from me for his exhibition. And then I'm then hiring back another smaller part of his exhibition.

I guess this is like a group show between me and you. Right. So, inside the... Inside the actual cubicle. Inside the... Next to the actual toilet. Right. Inside the toilet, there is another different exhibition,

which is pictures of you having sex with various cartoon characters. Yes. Is that right? Yes. Great. Now, this is something that I guess like there's two, I mean, there's a lot of different types of, well, any art form really.

There's the kind of thing where you just decide that you want to put something on, right, which is essentially what my exhibition is, something that I've just wanted to do. But then there's something where like some kind of like higher up, some kind of someone who has a lot of money to splash around or whatever it is, someone with a bit of influence. They go, hey, I want you to come and do this.

A real patron of the arts. A real patron of the arts. And the toilet, me having sex with cartoon characters, that's something that's really been, you've been driving this pretty hard is what I'm getting at. Very hard. This isn't something that I'm that interested in doing. It's something that I'd hoped you'd forget about.

But you really are pushing this. I really am a monster for this. If we talk about something on the show, I hate that things get dropped. I'm a big fan of like, if we say we're going to do something. You've got to follow through. You've got to follow through. Well, yeah, no, I'm with you. But what I've been thinking about recently, I don't know if I've talked about this on the show.

I've told you off air. So I've had a studio out the back of this gallery they just had a room available when i signed up to do my thing so timing all worked out quite nicely so that's where i've been working on everything i then found out a couple of weeks into me renting my space there i found out that people live there right so there's these rooms that are like windowless pretty grimy little rooms yeah so this so there's these rooms that are like windowless, pretty grimy little rooms. So there's like four or five different people that live out the back of this gallery space. Right. So this isn't just like a public toilet for one night for my exhibition. This is someone's house.

That I'm there, just a fellow tenant, putting up pornography of myself in their private use bathroom. I feel very conflicted about this. Is there a chance that someone's going to walk in on someone brushing their teeth while they're trying to see a picture of you sucking off bananas in pyjamas? Yes. Great. Okay, great.

Not a chance. That literally will happen. Even better. Now I'm really glad that we're following through on this. And it's also in those cubicles, there's signs up that say, this gallery is a safe space. If you feel uncomfortable at any point, please come and refer to management. So the idea that that is going to be next to a picture of me that you've photoshopped of me sucking off baby Herman from Who Framed Roger Rabbit

is just too much to handle. Well, as long as we put the pictures over the top of that sign, it should be no problem at all. Fucking hell. I think I'm going to have to cancel my space. I think you're going to get cancelled. But, yeah, lots going on there. Really looking forward to the show.

So if you're in Melbourne, come check it out. 20th of November from 6 p.m. I think there'll be a bunch of friends of the show hanging out. It'll be a bit of a party vibe. I'll be doing that five minutes of new material, obviously. My mum's making sausage rolls to hand out. Great. I hope she makes some of those delicious duck sandwiches.

I'd love to have another one of those. Not this again. Don't break her heart again. And then, yeah, if you can't make it on that night, it is on until December the 1st. Yeah, I just realised this is the last time we'll talk about it until it's on, essentially. Oh, an episode will go up the day of it being on. Yeah, I just realised this is the last time we'll talk about it until it's on, essentially. Oh, an episode will go up the day of it being on.

Right, right, right. But yeah, this is like the last time to really get into it. This is a good one to gear yourself up for. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, great. So come check that out. Yeah, they'll be friends of the show.

I'll be there. Yeah. What happens? Do you get up? Do you make a speech? You do stuff? We've talked about this. Yeah.

I don't know. There's kind of... There's not really... I don't know. It's hard. I'll see how it goes. Yeah, you'd have stuff. We've talked about this. Yeah. I don't know. There's kind of, there's not really, I don't know. I'll see how it goes. Yeah, you'd have to. I'll think about it. You'd better prepare. I'll prepare for it, but also it's like.

I'll be insisting upon it. You know. Oh, I know. Yeah. It's more like you're putting on a party, you know, you're just kind of having people kind of hang out and have a party. It feels weird to like kill the vibe and be like, everyone shut up and listen to me speak. Yeah, but I know that you're only saying that because you're behind it,

but you imagine if I did that or someone else did that, you'd expect it to happen at some stage for someone to say something and just go, thanks everyone for coming. Yeah, true. That's part of it. Well, I also picture it being a very fluid thing where people are like kind of coming and going and – but whatever.

Yeah, I'll try and do something. Well, I think we talked about this. What I do prefer the idea of doing is giving a speech to open the Nick Capper exhibition. Right. A ribbon cutting for the toilet. Okay. That's where I'm happy holding court. All right.

That's great. All right. And at the very least, then the next one as well. Yeah, and then I guess Capper has to... No, you give a speech. Can I give the speech? We all cram into a cubicle. Okay.

And you talk about your... Yeah. I'll do that. This is going to be the most fucked night. I'll open that exhibition. I'll open the toilet exhibition. Okay, great. Anyone who's listened to this hot off the presses,

we are in the Gold Coast this weekend, so we'll see you there. That is all sold out. That's going to be a lot of fun. Is there any chance of squeezing people in on the door? Probably. Who knows? Maybe.

We'll try. I don't know. Come for a wander if you can be bothered. Yep. And then we've got Hobart. The pod is all sold out. We've got the stand-up show still on sale. A little dum-dum club.com for tickets to all that. I think that's all the housekeeping. Yep.

Let's get into the guts of the segment that we do have within Talking Dum-Dum, the show. We have a segment where we read out a random number of names of people that sign up to patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. They are the true patron of the arts here in Podcasting Land. You supply us with some money to keep us doing this.

Otherwise, we would absolutely quit in a heartbeat. Something of an oversight that this part doesn't have a jingle yes you're right yeah maybe we should work on that we could hold the mic up to the unplanned title because it's very noisy the machine that spits out the names the unplanned title alternator yeah we could get that on mic it's a weird oversight that we've never thought to because it's almost like we can for listeners at home the room that we're in we can barely hear each other over the noise of the unplanned title alternator whirring and buzzing and beeping we're in a cone of silence yeah we're we're away from that right uh which is very professional of us because you wouldn't be able to hear us talk right now I wouldn't be able to hear you otherwise no um so yeah let's let's get stuck into that um because of course as we explain every week uh if

you sign up to that site and give us your shekels uh depending on the tier of money that you contribute you can get a free magazine from us every month your free episode a free bonus episode from us every month yeah and of course you go into the lottery of having your name read out. Well, it's not a lottery if you just, you know, your name will be read out eventually. Right. So, you enter the real money lottery, you're not eventually definitely going to win. Yes. But with this, you are definitely going to have your name read out at some stage.

It's more like a lottery in the sense of, like, you know, you would have played Pass the Parcel growing up where there's, like, lottery in the sense of like, you would have played Pass the Parcel growing up where there's like a degree of randomness to it. It's like music stops, whoever's opening it. Whoever's like, you know, and some parents, like they'd hide a little prize in each layer of the parcel. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then some parents would take it a step further

where they'd actually be monitoring, you know, when they're stopping the music. They'll be making sure that they're stopping at least once on each kid, you know, so everyone gets a prize. So, it's a lottery in that sense. Eventually, you'll get the prize. Right. It's just a matter of when.

Good. I'm glad we're clear on that because I was a bit unsure about all of that. I was wondering when my name was going to come up. Can I quickly say, too, on the topic of the rewards that we send out, we send out a magazine every month and we just recently sent out last month's one. Yes. Which you've had a very busy few weeks. We got in right under the buzzer.

Yep. Very guilty of that one. But I had sent mine, I had a nice experience where by the time it came out and so I, you know, saw the email and looked through it, I had completely forgotten everything I'd done. So I had the experience of getting to read it 100% fresh. Great. Like an actual – like I got to pretend I was one of you freaks

that listened to this. Yeah, yeah, great. Nice. Felt good. Lovely. Well, yeah, sign up. Here we go. Let's kick this off.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber number one for this week daniel simpson the simpsons number two george family guy i don't know it's hard to go past, don't you think? Yeah. It's so iconic. What else do you say? What a weird life it's been. Let's say this guy's 30 years old. I'd say the median age of the listener of this show would be early 30s, I would say.

He definitely had an experience of a bunch of his life where that was just a nothing name and all of a sudden it got absolutely transmogrified by culture. Yeah. And that is the first thing that anyone ever thinks of. Well, how long has The Simpsons been on the air now? 30 years, right? Oh, actually, yeah, 30 years. 30 years.

So, it's really only like, say, a 60-year-old that would have at this point a decent enough chunk of their life pre... Or maybe even a 50-year-old. No. It can remember like a good 20 years where, before culturally their surname shifted. Yeah, what is it? Is it 30 years yet? Because I definitely remember it starting in... 89, right?

Is it 89? I think 89 is like maybe the first pilot or the Tracy Ullman shorts. Oh, right. I'm pretty sure the very first pilot episode is 89. Yeah, 89. So people weren't really watching that. You know, and it got, the first season's not, you know,

you don't really watch that. First, it got really good, you know, let's say season three. Okay. Well, let's conservatively say 25 years. Yeah. But my point still stands is that a 50-year-old, you know, they can probably, they can remember being 23. You know, the golden era before era when their name just meant nothing.

Yeah. Before it all changed. But anyone, like, younger than that, even a 40-year-old is like, well, I don't really remember being, like, 10 or whatever. Oh, no. I mean, I remember, I definitely remember it coming out and it being, you know, I would have known plenty of people with the name Simpson before that.

And I was of the age where it's like, yeah. And then I actually thought, oh, Simpsons, this is a bit young for me. It's cartoons. Yeah, right. And watching the first season and being a bit like, oh, yeah, I hear this is really big in America, but not for me. And then just people talking about it once it got to like season three or something and me still going, are people into this fucking show

that sort of sucked a bit? Like this is, what the fuck? And then I sat down and watched it and went, oh, this is different now. Yeah, right. This is really different now. Yeah, I don't remember the very, very start of it. I just remember it all of a sudden. It's like, yeah, this is the thing that you have to watch.

Yeah. Everyone's watching this. Right. Like family, you know, my parents would have dinner parties and there'd be like other kids around. And it'd be like, well, we're all going to get into the TV room and watch tonight's Simpsons. Right. Because it was on on Saturday night or it was repeated or something. Right, right, right.

I definitely remember it being like mayhem of like, we have to be watching The Simpsons. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, I remember being on weekly and just being like, yeah, just overnight going, I've been wrong about this or something's changed. Yeah, right. Something's happened. Something's happened. Sorry to get so political on the show, yeah, just overnight going, I've been wrong about this or something's changed. Yeah, right. Something's happened.

Something's happened. Sorry to get so political on the show, guys, but we reckon The Simpsons, pretty funny show. Groundbreaking. I mean, we said Seinfeld was good the other week. Oh, yeah. And now we're saying The Simpsons is good. Now we're backing it up. We're the real Siskel and Ebert over here.

The Simpsons is the Simpsons. Oh, no, I'm trying to think when The Simpsons is on free to air. But the problem with The Simpsons is that now the episodes that you really love, that you want to just watch again and again and again, statistically, the number of Simpsons episodes there are, that number statistically is smaller and smaller every year. So if you just chuck on free-to-air The Simpsons, your odds of getting one that you want to see are pretty low.

Whereas Seinfeld, whatever, I can watch any episode happily. I'd be pretty happy to sit down and just go through a lot of, you know, I mean, I literally haven't watched The Simpsons. I'm not one of these people that go, fuck The Simpsons, not as good as it, who cares? Great. Oh, weren't they the best show of all time for 30 years straight? Didn't that happen?

Yeah, yeah. Fucking hell. So I haven't, you know, it's hard to watch stuff. It's hard to find time to watch stuff. But, man, if I had an afternoon absolutely free and someone went, right, Simpsons on Netflix now, season 22's on. You'd take a look? And it's going to be on all day.

I'd have a good look. Really? Yeah, absolutely. Okay. I probably wouldn't. Oh, really? Yeah. No, I mean, on and off I've seen bits and pieces,

and it's like, to me, it's always guaranteed a laugh out loud moment, which I think in TV is reasonably rare for me. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah. So I'd be still interested. Yeah. But what my theory is, is that it's, people go, oh,

it should be, it should be finished, you know, they should, oh, blah, blah, blah.

It's like, who cares? What do you care whether the show's on or not? Yeah, exactly. You're not watching it. Yeah, exactly.

So to you, it doesn't exist anymore, because you're not watching the episode, so fucking calm down. But, if it had of, if they had of just wrapped it up at season 20, imagine now,

imagine people talking about it, going, imagine if The simpsons come back oh yeah people would be losing their mind yeah there'd be rumors of it every now and then like yeah you know i'm sure it'd be being talked about like you know disney bought out fox and then they're about to start their own streaming service like people would be petitioning like we need the simpsons to be rebooted for this Disney Plus streaming service, whatever it is. If it had been off for 10 years... There'd be a Simpsons 2000 Twitter account.

Yeah. If it had been off for 10 years and people started putting rumours about it coming back, people would be fucking losing their minds. Totally. And even those seasons where people go... I mean, the universal idea is that it's pretty bad from, I don't know, whatever, 14 on is where it starts to dip. Right. But if it had ended at 16, people would view those seasons, you know,

a lot more favorably. Totally. They're kind of near the end. You know, the last two, the last season or so of Seinfeld was like pretty looked down upon, I think, at the time. Was it? That's what the impression I've always gotten. After Larry David left, I remember, I the time. Was it? That's what the impression I've always gotten. After Larry David left, I remember I've just read stuff

that people talk about. It just doesn't have quite that same. But you can watch any of those episodes now and just be like, yeah, this is still good stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm talking about in the context of the time while it was still on. People were like, oh, this is good. Yeah, no.

I mean, I remember watching it at the time, but I remember the last one had a stinker of a review. I think it's good. The last episode. Yeah, I think it's of a review. I think it's good. The last episode. Yeah, I think it's a good finale. I think it's aged really well. Yeah, right. I did watch it the other day and I just remember at the time,

I mean, it's pretty common knowledge that people hated it at the time. Yeah. But that was Larry David coming back and being very, that's a very big hint into Curb Your Enthusiasm. Yeah, yeah. That's him fully curbing it up in the final episode. I really, I don't, I've never quite understood what people's problem with it is, with the finale.

It's not as, I don't think it's as entertaining. Yeah, I mean. It's a lot of like just them getting their comeuppance. It's a bit of fan service and stuff, but I think that's fine. You can't make an episode that's just like, I don't know, it's not as funny as other ones, but I think them being locked up at the end is pretty funny. All those other characters being trotted out to really fuck them over,

I think that's funny. That's a funny premise. I think, you know what, I think it's an overly mean episode all round. And I know that people go, okay, Seinfeld's no hugs, no lessons learned. But I think that last one was overly mean because they went to jail for just like, even for those people, that's out of character to watch. They went to jail for seeing someone get mugged and then they sort of just laughed about it and didn't do anything about it.

I don't think that level of meanness happened in the rest of the show. You're right. Well, I guess thinking about it now, the problem with it is – Sorry, spoiler alert. Yeah. Yeah. I guess thinking about it now, the problem with it is even in the rest of the show when they're at their worst, when they're in these –

and Curb does this really well as well – even when they're kind of like in the circle of people that they're're around the bad guys you the viewer always kind of still with them there's like a little part of you for the most part that's like you can kind of always see the logic yeah and so for it to be this where you've like really related to it because it really does tap into like the worst kind of like impulses or thoughts or whatever that we have to then have this final episode where it's like no it turns out for these last 10 years, whatever it is, you've been rooting for like actual sociopaths who deserve to go to jail. It's a bit of like pulling the rug out from under the audience

and going like you were barracking for the wrong people. Look, that's a good point and I think what's missing, what Curb has and what that episode doesn't have is that, you know, there's some sort of quandary and you can see what Larry's doing in some fucked way in those shows. But that bit was just like them laughing at someone getting robbed and not doing anything. And it's like there's no part of you going,

yeah, but I can sort of see what they're doing. Right. If it had have hinged on a bit more of a like, everyone can put ourselves in that position and be like, yeah, we probably would have all done the same thing. There wasn't a bit like the guy got robbed, but earlier that person had given the bird to George or whatever it was. And so they're going, yeah, but they gave the bird to me,

so why should I help them? Yeah, and I'm sure they thought when they were writing it. I just fixed Seinfeld's finale, by the way. I'm sure they thought when they were writing it, I'm sure they thought that's what they were doing. It's like, oh, you know, people see something like that happen on a street. People are assholes. They're not going to get in the mix. They're not going to help out. They're just, oh, you know, people see something like that happen on a street. People are assholes. They're not going to get in the mix.

They're not going to help out. They're just going to, you know, we've all done it. We've all laughed at someone else's misfortune. They probably thought they were doing something like super relatable that everyone would be able to put themselves in the shoes of and they just kind of misjudged it. Ian, I also think it just took it out of the universe. Is this an episode of Talking Seinfeld? Yeah. Look, we'll wrap this up in a sec.

But it really took them out of the world of Seinf as well because it wasn't it was like sex in the city too all of a sudden they're in at the other end of the world well new york is the character yeah totally same thing with seinfeld all of a sudden they're on a fucking plane in a different state it's like well what no you should be back in the apartment and sure yeah then they've got then they've introduced oh they're getting put in jail under this law that does not exist. That's a made-up thing that you're watching and going, well, that's not real. It's very cartoon. But I still, whatever, man.

I still think, you know, I kind of like it. I caught it when it was on recently. I was like, this is fine. Them being locked up. Finales are hard. I think the finale. The finale's fine as long as there wasn't those other problems leading up to it. The fake out with the plane going down, I think is kind of funny in there.

It's like you think like, I love a finale where they kind of play with the idea that, you know, people have these wild assumptions like, oh, everyone's going to die or whatever it is. Yeah, yeah. Where they kind of like fuck around with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fine. Yeah, yeah. And them being in jail and doing stand-up in jail is funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, I think the rest of it them being in jail and doing stand-up in jail is funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But, yeah, I think the rest of it. I also think just seeing all those characters come back and whatever. Yeah. Like, that they've wronged over the years. You know what is weird? If you ever catch, like, a run of it on free-to-air TV, what they'll always replay is the – because before the finale, there's, like – I think it's, like, a two-part, like, best of.

Have you ever seen that? Yeah. It's so weird that they just play that, that that's, like, in think it's like a two-part like best of. Have you ever seen that? Yeah. It's so weird that they just play that, that that's like in the syndication deal, like that actually counts as two episodes. Yeah. But it is kind of cool.

You just flick it on and you just get this like weird best of, of like 10 years worth of Seinfeld. Yeah. It's like Jerry talking to camera going, it's literally like we've had some laughs over the years, haven't we? It's like in the age of streaming and everything, it's like bizarre that they bother to have that in the mix. Yeah.

Do people do that anymore? I mean, we're about to do it in a few weeks probably. Oh, yeah. We'll do it. We'll do another best of. We'll do another best of. I'd better get that form together. Yeah.

As we speak, it's early November, so we don't need to do that for another few weeks or so. But, yeah, we do need to start to think about that because that was a lot of fun last year. That was a lot of fun last year. Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, I guess in our case, it's like what we enjoyed about doing that was that we could then –

it gave us an easy thing to say to people, hey, if you're thinking of trying to get someone into the show, give them this episode. Yeah. This is a good starting point. Yeah. Thanks, Daniel Simpson. They truly have done it again.

It's like we've really just summed him up as a person with that whole synopsis of the Seinfeld finale. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that he likes Seinfeld and he likes The Simpsons. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Sam Male. Wow. M-A-L-E. You're kidding. NoE. You're kidding. No kidding.

You are kidding. This is a real thing. Have you checked? You'll often do a bit of confirm via an email address or a Facebook stalk that this isn't someone's attempted a funny fake name or whatever. No, for real. Always look. Hang on, what about this?

In fact, his email is Samuel Mail. Oh, fuck. Because I was going to say, imagine if it's Samantha. No. Fuck. Sam Mail. Couldn't be any more mail. What?

Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. Samuel Mail. Interesting. That's interesting. So, you know, we talk a lot about people taking, you know, the name of their partner when they get married.

That puts you in a – that puts the bride in a strange quandary. We do talk a bit about that. What we've – I don't think what we have talked about is way back in the day. Yes. We never talk about things from back in the day. It's always very current. Yes. So, from way back in the day,

people used to have their surnames named after what they did for a living. Right. I didn't know that. So, I would assume that back then, his ancestors were professional men. They were all men. Yeah. No women in the family. They were men for a living.

That's pretty much what we do. That's what this is. Man's a strong word for us, but... A male. Right, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so that's interesting, isn't it? That someone was... They've carried that all the way through.

A family of males. Yeah, but you're right. A female having that as a last name is at least a little bit confusing. And as we've talked about recently in the last couple of weeks, sometimes when I work at the comedy nights that I run, it's a ticketed affair at Basement Comedy Club on a Saturday night, and I do run through a few odd surnames. And sometimes it's like you get someone that has a bit of a standard

joke to do with their name yep you have to yeah so uh you know some people automatically come in and go you know my name is grizzle neck gr and automatically start spelling it so you know where to look yep um but yeah someone coming through if a girl coming through with a surname male um did it get a comment they'd have to their Male. Did it get a comment from the doorman? There'd be a comment from the doorman or there'd have to be a comment from. Well, but if you're Sam Male, and again, this is something we've talked about. You certainly had this discussion with your wife. If you're Sam Male, you're heading into a wedding.

You're going, don't, really don't take the name. Yeah. Like, don't bother. What about this concept? Uh-huh. Sam Male marries someone called Fiona. Oh, great. Then you'd have to.

Fee. Fee Mayle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Amazing. Yeah. Amazing. Sam Mayle. Sam, if you're single, you need to give you – you need to – wait.

You need to fuck Fiona O'Loughlin. What kind of women are you trying to find out there? I don't really care about age, height, any of that stuff, hair colour. They have to have the first name Fiona. Whether they're addicted to anything. Yeah. Just imagine that. Imagine getting to do that and just to come in and go

and get your name checked off the list and just go, female, yes, yes, I know, go and get your name checked off the list and just go uh female yes yes i know but what's your name female oh it's the new who's on first exactly yeah exactly and the idea that the two of you you know you're not it's a loveless marriage yeah you know you're not into each other the spark there's no spark well this bloke sam ale he's again he's probably in his early 30s right fiona Fiona. Considerably older than that. Yeah. So, okay.

You're really hell-bent on it being... Well, I'm just picturing it because we know someone called Fiona. You want to make this happen and that's like the only Fiona that you know. The only Fiona I know. Yeah, okay. Fair. And she's single. And she's looking for love.

Who isn't? I know a Fiona who's single. That's not Fiona. All right. Oh, Lachlan. Right. Okay, well maybe we'll get her in the mix. Yeah, all right. We'll get her in the mix yeah alright

we'll get her in the mix okay if you're hey you know what if you're a single Fiona yeah get in touch yeah

and you like cause Sam Mayle I mean people you know some little ladies this is our version of the bachelor yeah

Sam Mayle is our bachelor and then we get all these Fiona's in but all the 20 girls that come in are all called Fiona all called Fiona it must

yeah it must happen this way. Yeah. Yeah. This is great. If we can somehow get this, if we can do this at like a live event or whatever. Yeah. Sam, if you're in, I hope Sam's in Melbourne.

Let us know. Let us know, Sam Mayle, if you're in the socials, let us know if you've ever gone close with a girl called Fiona, if you've ever considered this before, if we can help with Fiona's in any way. Sam Mayle's a good strong name now i would say as a as a girl if you're a bit of a girly girl and you're like a strong you know some people like a tall dark handsome man right maybe if you want a very masculine man yeah sam male sounds you know as manly as you oh real beefcake yeah yeah sounds like a wood chopper

sounds like totally hot hunk yeah sounds like um Sounds like someone in Mad Men or something like that. Something for mummy. Yeah. Want a bit of a cleft in the chin, a bicep or two? Yep. Get into that. Yeah. God, I hope we meet him and he's just some absolute little weed.

Well, Patreon subscribers, I'd say there's a very high, absolutely high chance of that happening. Okay. If we can do this, if we can do Dumb Dumb Bachelor, and it's all about the end product, then they get together, they start courting, that gives us enough time to both go off and, or just one of us try and get registered as a celebrant, and then we get to do, we get to actually be performing the union. I really thought you were going to say something.

When we can register as a set, I thought that was going to end with a completely different set of syllables. Well, you know, we could do them all on the same trip. Great. Okay. Us actually carrying out the ceremony where this happens. We're happy to be the celebrants if you marry someone called Fiona. Yeah. Great.

Okay, done. Thanks, Sam. Thanks, Sam. You should be thanking us. Yeah. Thanks, Sam. Thank you, too. Patreon, subscribe. How, Sam. You should be thanking us. Thanks, Sam. Thank you too, Patreon subscribers.

How did you guys meet? Well, I subscribed to a Patreon on a podcast and then they insisted I fuck someone called Fiona just for a joke. And I guess we thought we didn't want to ruin the joke, so here we are. Well, you know what? I've got to say, in 2019,

and I think about this a lot as a single man, I'd rather have that story than the story of through Tinder. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like when you get together with people, you've got a great story about getting together with your wife. And I think often about how we're just going to – we're sort of losing that a bit.

It's like there's no – the weird ways that you would meet people pre-internet, like through a friend or at a party or like whatever it is it's just like ah yeah through the app yeah you know I'd rather have

the story about a dumb podcast joke it's a way better one to tell the kids yep ah thanks Sam thank you to

Patreon subscriber Jen McKenzie I like this do you little bit of a rhyme up the top Jen McKenzie ah a little bit start of rhyme up the top. Jen McKenzie. A little bit.

Start of, you know. Jen McKen. Jen McKen. Is that the nickname? I reckon. Jen McKen. Yeah. Oh, it's Jen McKen.

Jen McKen. Let us know if you've ever copped that, because if you haven't copped it, feel free to spread it among your friends, because you should be copying it. Get some better, funnier friends. What kind of weirdo comes out with, hey guys, I've got a new thing you can call me. This sounds a bit dorky. Where you hear about on a podcast oh that's not that dorky because i'm about to fuck someone woman called fiona just because some other podcast told me to do that this is a busy week yeah um yeah jen i like it i'm always a fan of jan are we talking

jen or jen j yeah yeah yeah which now this is this is a good question we talk a lot about Are we talking J-E-N or G-E-N? J-E-N. J? Yeah. Yeah. Now, this is a good question. We talk a lot about the differences between Carl with a K and a C. Yeah. Which Jen do you prefer, J or G? J. I'm a G man. Really?

Really hits your G spot. It really does. I don't mind either, but J, something about it. It's also, I guess I'm thinking, probably unfairly, I'm thinking of the full name as well. I prefer Genevieve over Jennifer. Yeah. A bit more interesting. It's a bit more sophisticated, that's for sure. Wild letters in there.

You've got some Vs in the mix. It's kind of rare. Jen, though, I'm thinking of some sort of blonde ponytail, which I don't mind at all. That is a KC favourite. Don't mind a ponytail. Yeah. Absolute big fan. Yeah. You've talked to me about that Don't mind a ponytail. Yeah. Absolutely big fan. Yeah.

You've talked to me about that a lot. Have I? Yeah. There was one time when you were messaging me and you were like, there was some show you were watching, you were like, turn it on. The girl hosting it's got a ponytail. I'm like, I'm not turning it on. You were like, love a ponytail.

Oh, you've got to see it. It's so good. I love a ponytail. And I'm like, man, I'm doing stuff. I'm not going to turn on the TV just to see a ponytail. That does sound very much like me and it does and a good example of of me really nailing what i like man you gotta see this thing i'm like i reckon i can imagine i wish i could see it now i wish i don't suppose you took any screenshots go back into the memory bank no that's the thing you weren't even sending me pics you were were like, no, no, no.

You've got to see this thing in motion, live for yourself on your own screen. I could video the screen, but I'm going to lose a fair bit of resolution out of the ponytail. I have, in the years gone back, I have suggested to various partners or girls to... Get a ponytail. Why don't you whack on the ponytail? Not really for me. Yeah, why don't you just give it a try, though? It's really, it's fascinating to me because I can't say I have any preference in it one way or the other.

Right. I don't know if I've ever dated someone who has had the ponytail as their default. I guess maybe it's quite rare now that I think of it. It's not really a thing that you see a lot of these days. Is it, like, not super in vogue as a hairstyle thing? Yeah, maybe. I'm trying to, I mean, I don't know. It's kind of like the top bun sort of thing a fair bit.

Yeah. It's a bit of a lazy, but I think it's sort of seen as a bit of a lazy thing. I'll just quickly do this. It's like, no, no, no. Take some care. Like it's a good thing. It's your number one. I guess maybe it's more of a like you're busy and, you know, but yeah.

I think it accentuates the face, which I like. Accentuates the face? As long as you've got a good face. Oh, you're saying it gets the hair out of the face so you can really see it. Yeah. I'm trying to think if I have like a... I mean, if you're a bit of a, you know, if you're no good, maybe don't go with a ponytail. But if you're good, go with a ponytail.

Maybe never get a haircut. Get around like Cousin Ish. Get a real big fringe. Yeah. I'm trying to think if I have a hair... You know, it's probably a thing where I'm sitting here going like, I don't think I really have any kind of preference of hairstyle. Maybe if you went back through the people I've been with.

You know what I mean? I'm not really conscious of it. On average, what do you reckon you would have? Yeah, I don't know. I think like... I kind of feel like, you know, ladies' hairstyles tend to vary so wildly that it would be pretty hard to get into a position. You know, it's not like there's like two or three.

Well, I've been out of the market for so long, but I don't – I think maybe I was with a girl with short hair once and I was like, this is weird. Really? Yeah. Yeah. I do – I will say I do quite like short hair really yeah yeah i think it was a real one-off for me and it wasn't maybe a wasn't maybe a very popular thing at the time and i was like this is this is this is odd this doesn't interesting this is not usual but like i don't

it's more like i'm more just a fan of anyone who has worked out what works for them. Do you know what I mean? So it's not like I don't think like, oh, I love a fringe or whatever. It's like someone, you know, an ex of mine looked really good with a fringe. Really worked for it. It's like, all right, respect. You've worked out what your thing is. You're sticking to it.

I can get behind that. That's a good point. You know, I've realized over these and I've never figured it out. You know, we take a photo every week for our podcast pictures that we put up. People figure out what the face they pull. People go, right, what's my photo face? I've never sat down and gone, what do I do here? Same.

And people every now and then will comment on how one of us looks. I feel like it's more often than not me in the photo of the episode. And it's always like, yeah, I know. Because, yeah, it's like having my photo taken, I do not know how to look. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I always look at the photo and I go, yeah, everyone else seems to have it worked out.

Right. What the fuck am I doing? Right. What do I think? I don't think of you that way. Really? Yeah. Interesting.

I think you're always mixing it up in those photos. I'm like, oh, they're good. Well, that's why I'm trying to work it out. I'm usually just grinning like an idiot and going, is this what people do? Is this what people do with photos? People always smile in the photos. No, but I'm mixing it up because I'm trying to work it out. I'm trying to work out what looks good.

And then every now and then when there is one that looks good, then I can't remember like, what was I doing there? Yeah. So I've never taken that time to sit in front of a mirror or take photos or whatever people do. There's some people that just seem to know. Yeah. They know the angle and they know the...

But that can't be an accident. People must have put time into it and gone... Because you see some people and they're very much like... I've seen comedians that only pose a certain way. Yes. Like comedians I know. Well, I think a lot of people... You've thought about this.

I think a lot of people, when they smile, they show their teeth in a photo. That typically looks good. But I think I've got pretty shitty teeth that I'm a little self-conscious about. Right. So I would never, like, want to put that... I would never, like, as a default, go, well, I'll flash them a toothy grin. Yeah. But then if I just smile with my mouth closed, I look like I'm taking the piss.

Yeah, yeah. I look like I'm doing a sarcastic like yeah smiling's cool isn't it yeah yeah i get it i get it that's that's i i have a bit of that as well yeah i completely understand and what's great is having this conversation that is a tag if you're listening to this say in a browser where the photo of the episode is just right there as we're talking about it yeah you'll be hey show don't tell you'll be able to see this in action yeah give us some tips no don't give us some tips. No, don't give us some tips.

What the fuck am I talking about? Thanks, Jen. Thanks, Jen. Thank you, too. By the way, Jen, as a footnote, has been subscribing a long time, and some people get on relatively quickly, maybe, but she has been subscribing a long time and has probably been waiting for this for a long time. Oh, okay. Wow.

Just a bonus little shout out in that way. Good that the unplanned title alternator finally came through on that one. Yeah. Almost like there was a malfunction somewhere along the way and then it's been fixed. Right. Yep. Almost like that, but not like that.

Maybe not like that at all. That's just one of many possible scenarios. Thank you to, thanks, Jen. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Grace Uzielo. Ooh. That's U-Z-I-A-L-L-O. Uzielo? Uzielo.

Uzielo? Yeah. Uzielo? I love this. Let's have a go at all of them. Grace Uzielo, Grace Uzielo. Yep. Is that a cover?

Yep. Does that cover it? Yep. Yeah, I can't really it's hard to work out without having it right in front of me. Those seem like the two most likely. Unless it's just an absolute, you know, some name. The pronunciation, you'd never guess it from how it's spelled out. That's not my fault. That's not our fault.

If you've got a different pronunciation for that, that's on you. Look, I don't think we're avoiding responsibility by saying, That's not our fault. If you've got a different pronunciation for that, that's on you. Look, I don't think we're avoiding responsibility by saying, it's not our fault. If you've got a name that we can't pronounce, it's not our fault. But if you say that, it's not because we've covered ourselves. Isn't that legally blinding? Yes. If you just say legally blinding.

You're right, it is legally blinding. It's like you in Thailand, legally blinding. It's over the counter. You're not breaking any laws over there. Yeah, I like this. I like Grey. I like Grey as a name. Yeah, it's okay.

Okay. Yeah, I don't mind it. Yeah, it's no Jen. I reckon I like it more than Jen. Okay. It's very unique. I like any names that you don't hear that often. Yeah.

They have a bit more resonance. And then Uziello, I like that. Again, some wild letters in there. When you started saying it, it started to sound like you were saying Uzo. Right. Which is one of my favorite forms of alcohol. Is it really? For whatever reason, I haven't had it in a while.

Is it really? But I love Uzo. What the fuck is that? I don't know if we can hear this in the recording, but there's some sort of alarm or fucking something going off. Someone's smoke alarm or something going off. Oh, God. Is it coming from within this room?

Is this your alarm? Isn't it in your room? No. It can't be in here. I think it's... Is it dying off? No, it's not. It's getting louder.

It's definitely not in here. I don't know what it would be. It's very faint. Okay. All right. Should we push on? Yeah, it'll be fine. This is...

There it is. It's stopped. I was about to say, if it is for something serious, we'll find out soon enough. Yeah. I just watch you go up in flames. Yeah, I don't know if it is coming from in here. Finally, just someone... Just listen to all the bullshit we've talked over the years and

you've gone, I like Uzo. That's enough. Let's hit the alarm. Get these cunts out of the building. Yeah, I do like Uzo. Oh. Uzo with Coke. Yummy.

Probably. Yummy. Probably one of the worst, I'd say. Really? Yeah. I remember it. My mum is not a drinker. She is extremely limited in what she would drink.

In terms of like, oh, let's go out and have something with dinner. Oh, I'll have a lemonade, thanks. Okay. Something a bit stronger? Oh, maybe we can have ouzo and something with it. And so her liquor cabinet would be just like... Just ouzo? Ouzo and maybe something like Baileys or something.

And it would just sit there forever and no one would touch it like two absolute things that people that drink don't have bailey's is a while i was talking with someone about bailey's the other day it bailey's is a fucking wild drink yeah my parents i think i've said this on the show before my parents gave me a bottle of bailey's one year for christmas and i just couldn't work out what i've never talked about it with them i've never drank it in front of them yeah what made them just be walking through the shop and go oh we'll get in baileys yeah and at first i was like this is so fucked like when am i ever going to drink this and i was like i can see what it'll be i'll be fucked one night back at the house and it'll just be oh we want to keep drinking bottle shops are closed and you know we'll end

up drinking it then and making ourselves sick. But what ended up happening was, this was when I lived with my then-girlfriend. In the middle of winter, we got into a little run. We'd have a little glass of Baileys before bed. Just get into bed, pour yourself a little Baileys glass, a little nightcap, sitting in the bed. It was nice.

You know what Baileys is for me? A nice way to send yourself off to sleep. It's when I was a teenager and you're starting to drink and stuff, and people would be like, oh, yeah, I'm getting beers, I'm getting this and whatever. And me going, beer? That's so shiaki. Why people – that's the thing that my dad drinks.

Yeah. You know, that's no good. Or like ouzo. That's the thing that my mum would have a tiny bit of. Like, that stinks. That's weird. I'm not having that. So then I'm then trying to fit in with the cool kids yeah and trying to go okay well i

have to drink alcohol now i've got to figure out what what i drink so i think bailey's was one early on where it was like okay we're gonna go to a party and people get oh i'll get a six-pack i'll do this i guess i'll buy a bottle of bailey's and go along to the party and drink some milk with everyone yep like a cool guy yeah totally totally. That is funny when you like early on drinking, like that era of like time to work out what my drink is. You know, it's like this is becoming, and really it's like you get to a certain age, it's like you certainly have your preferences,

but you know, you just drink whatever. Yes. You know, you're at a pub, whatever they've got. I know I typically prefer like aught or a Pilsner. There's definitely brands that I prefer, but there's not really the room to be like, I only ever drink Mountain Goat. And if you do that, it's pretty weird. Every now and then, those real craft heads that are like, nah, it's all about the IPAs.

It's like, fuck up, idiot. nah it's all about the ipas it's like fuck up idiot yeah like we're all just here to get absolutely blind ass maggot and distract ourselves from what's going on in our pathetic lives for a couple of hours just drink whatever you want and shut up about it yeah in fact the opposite i'm i'm more of a just just give me the the normal thing don. Don't fruit it up. Totally, I'm the same. Don't fuck in any of this bullshit. Okay, you can have that. I'm not against it.

If you want that, have it. But don't give it to me. Not for me. Yeah. Yucky. No. Well, thanks, Grace. Thanks, Grace.

And thank you, Extra Grace, because she is a $30 subscriber. Love that. So absolutely buy some extra ouzo with that. You know what? And someone needs to remind me of this our gold coast show on the weekend i'm going to treat myself to a little uzo and coke oh really yeah great i'm gonna get on the uzos for the night and of course what we haven't talked about is that you know this gold coast show that's coming up this is this is us going to schoolies schoolies and us staying together in this accommodation yeah that you

won yeah so we probably really haven't talked enough about that in the week. No, we've talked about that heaps. Okay. We were discussing how to sneak alcohol in. Oh, yeah, you're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's not really that much more to say about it until we're there. Well, we do have to think in the next couple of days about exactly,

go through the tips that people gave us on social media. Oh, yeah. Go through those tips and figure that out and how to get shit-eyed with each other for one night and then get up and catch a get shit-eyed with each other for one night and then get up and catch a ferry the next day and go and do a show. Yeah, should be fun. I'm going up with my wife and daughter. We're parting ways at the airport for me to get on a ferry or whatever with you

to go and sneak alcohol into a shit resort. Your life's fucked. On paper, you've got it all, but it's fucked. It's a really dumb world. It's actually a shame that your family aren't coming with us because I would think baby paraphernalia, like a carrier, a stroller, whatever, that's the perfect vessel to sneak alcohol.

The bottle. Chuck a couple of pure blondes under that little baby. No one's going to have a look under there. Chuck the Baileys in the. The bottle. Chuck a couple of pure blondes under that little baby. No one's going to have a look under there. Chuck the Baileys in the baby's bottle. The perfect plan. Get the breast pump. Empty it out. Chuck some oozo in there.

Fuck. All right. We're going to get creative with this smuggling booze thing. It's going to be good. It's going to be us on a little porch or wherever we're staying, and we're just going to be in... Do we have to i guess we have to drink them within safe vessels as well if we're going to be sitting outside drinking

well do we have to bring along like fake no no like empty cans we do we need it we get intel on what they sell there right and then we just make sure that we're bringing the same bet right if you're sneaking like booze into a music festival or whatever, that's how people always undo themselves. Right. Walking around Falls Festival with like a beverage that, you know, A, in a glass bottle and B, of a brand that they do not sell there. That's the easiest way to get picked off by security. Otherwise, we're sitting on the porch of our little house.

Yep. And we're just with nothing. And just every like 30 seconds or so one of us excuses ourselves to go in and like have a gulp of alcohol

and come back out have a sip out of the communal UDL and coke the ouzo and coke that's sitting on the just so we're not doing it in public yep

sitting on the bathroom sink yep well thanks Grace thanks Grace thanks for everything we've got look I gotta get out of here

I gotta get out of here I'm've got to get out of here. My wife wants to go to the movies tonight by herself. So I've got to get back to what some people would say babysit and what some normal people would say parent. You're bailing on, we had Indian plans. I know. That are now being dashed against the rocks. So here's the...

I'm still going to go, I reckon. Fuck you. I've tried to be quick because often what's happened a few times in a row now, you've come here and I've been trying to be better about meal prep and meal planning.

You'll come in and we'll end up recording. We'll finish recording and you'll be like, do you want to get Indian? I'm like, oh man, I already ate. I ate before everyone got here. So this morning I tried to be proactive. First thing I did when I got up,

I was like, what about this? We get Indian tonight. I know, I was very excited about that. Thinking about it all day morning I tried to be proactive. First thing I did when I got up, I was like, what about this? Yes. We get Indian tonight. I know. I was very excited by that. Thinking about it all day. I was excited about that. I'm going to text her right now because this is –

Because you think she may have lost steam in the idea of the movie. Yes. This is what happens. She had these grand plans of going to a movie at a later time. Now, I'd like to say I know her reasonably well. Over the years, we've had conversations and had a bit to do with each other. Yep. I'd like to think I've learned a few things off her character and behavior.

Yep. And I think... Spent a lot of time in Thailand, so the memory might be fading a little bit. I would say one thing about her is that she's not a night owl. Now, she's planning on going to this movie that's a little bit later at night. She's planning on a 9pm session or something, right? And I'm thinking, it's Sunday night when we're recording this. Are you kidding yourself?

Are you kidding me? Work tomorrow. So 9pm session, that's an 11pm finish. At the earliest Minimum Depends what she's seeing Hey she might be catching The great man

Martin Scorsese Yeah The Irishman It's in cinemas right now I know And it's debut on Netflix worldwide November the 27th I believe Jesus Christ

I fucking can't wait A lot of unnecessary detail there I'm trying to shout out one of the greats I did mention Seeing that with Don't Say No and looked at the running time, three and a bit, three and a half nearly. Don't think that'll be happening. I do want to try and see it in the cinema

because I don't trust myself watching it on Netflix to not be on the phone every 15 minutes. I'm going back in on, I've been doing a few catch up, go be on the phone every 15 minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going back in on... I've been doing a few catch-up, go back on some old Marty's. Oh, have you? Yeah. What have you seen? I only just started this the other night.

I started watching Goodfellas again the other night. I should give that a good go. Is it on Netflix? What's it on? No, I had to buy it on iTunes. Okay, all right. Yeah. I've never seen Mean Streets.

I'd like to see Mean Streets Raging Bull I've actually never seen Really? Some of those ones you go back For a couple of years I was that guy that just went and saw All the legendary movies All the cult movies

So I've seen all that stuff Mean Streets is like It's fine I don't think it's It's one of those ones where it's like, we've all moved ahead. The pacing's moved ahead. You're going to watch a bit of a slow movie. Yeah, but I'd still...

I think that's interesting to see in advance of seeing his most recent one. See one of his... Is that his very first one? No. He made a couple. That was his breakout. Right. Well, it's still...

I think Taxi Driver stands up. Yeah, I think... Yeah, same. I watched that for the first time not that long ago. Oh, really? Yeah. That's one of the few DVDs I own. We're doing this on my other podcast where we're trying to catch up on a bunch of Scorseses

for this month in anticipation of The Irishman coming out. And Adam Knox coined the phrase for it, Mardi Gras. Oh, nice. Very nice. The first draft was The Month of Mardi. I think you can agree. From draft one to draft two, we really sizzled it up. Yeah, that's good. Mardi Gras oh nice very nice the first draft was the month of Mardi right I think you can agree yeah

from draft one to draft two we really sizzled it up yeah that's good you know what I'm not a fan of the people sort of say now is you know really good and you know whatever

King of Comedy not a fan not a fan we were talking about this the other day yeah someone had watched it and said it didn't really stack up no

I liked it when I saw it I need to give it another go one of the lesser right bits of his uh canon i would say that's for sure um but never been a huge fan of the the mob movies anyway because oh really one of those things where i don't really relate it's like you know i'm gonna whack this guy what the fuck are you talking about i don't know i'm not in that world it's fantasy i know it's just one of those things i don't quite click with yeah okay i'm not against it i just watch it but it's fantasy. I know. It's just one of those things I don't quite click with. Yeah, okay. I'm not against it. I just watch it and go, well, this is all a fantasy.

This is weird. I just don't quite relate to it. Well, you know what's funny? Watching Goodfellas the other night as someone who recently completed the entirety of The Sopranos for the first time this year, a lot of the same people are in Goodfellas that end up being in The Sopranos. Right. I never knew that.

It's funny. What I'm texting my wife now is, so it's, I'm texting her going, so how are you feeling? I'm just putting a, toe in the water here. Yep.

Because, I mean, if all of a sudden she's hit the wall and gone, well, I'm not going to go and see this movie. Then guess what? That means, as soon as this finishes.

Me and you get on the Darjeeling Limited. Darjeeling Express, sorry. Exactly. Yeah. I can taste that. Darjeeling Express, sorry. Exactly. Yeah. I can taste that. One-way ticket to fucking Bombay. I can taste that cottage cheese stuffed naan right now.

Oh, man, it's going to be so good. Uh-oh, I've just got a text back. What have we got? I said, how are you feeling? Three messages. One, I'm tired. Oh, yep. Two, go to bed soon, I think.

Three, no movie, film emoji. The Indian is on. I'm going to drop in some Bollywood music right here and just have it play under the rest of the episode. Let's dance. Me, you and Brett Lee, let's dance. Me, you and Brett Lee, let's dance. Have I ever told this on the pod that years and years ago, like around the time that I first started doing comedy,

my girlfriend at the time is, was and remains to this day, half Indian, half Italian, and she met Lawrence Mooney once and Lawrence Mooney was like, he just like zeroed in. He was like, what's going on here? What kind of mix are you? Very bold. And she's like, yeah, half Indian, half Italian. He goes, oh, yeah, the Indian dancing.

You do a bit of this. And this will require some creative visualization on the part of the listener. He goes, the Indian dancing where you're screwing in the light bulb while you're patting the dog. He goes, the Indian dancing where you're screwing in the light bulb while you're patting the dog. Jesus. If you picture someone doing both those things at the same time, it's like, that's pretty accurate. Is it?

I think for other dancing looks, you're doing a bit of that, you're doing a bit of that. But there's no Italian bit of it? No, but he just zeroed in on the Indian part of it. Okay, right. Okay. That's an interesting mix though, Indian-Italian. Yeah. That's a fascinating mix actually.

I'd like to, that'd be a, I don't know whether I've talked about this on the pod, but who cares because it would be a very minor part of it. But there's a place I went to once that I've never been back to and I keep thinking about it. There's a place, it's up where my, don't say her name, where my ex-girlfriend, let's call her, because she's my current wife, her parents lived. And she took me there one time. And it's a – you know how there's no – you don't like it when a restaurant,

when a shop mixes their food up. No good. If they're doing Chinese and fish and chips, no. Stay away. They're going to fuck both of them. I mean, I'm always kind of interested. I'm always fascinated. Yeah, chips, no. Yeah. Stay away. They're going to fuck both of them. I mean, I'm always kind of interested. I'm always fascinated. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But then it's also like, well, I only want one meal. Yeah. Like, I'm not getting flake and some chow mein. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Realistically. That's really the only way that that makes it interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't you know those events where they're like, there'll be a food truck festival and it's

like, oh, there's a hundred food trucks. Yeah. Who cares? Yeah. You're only getting one lunch. Having said that, I was just spent a week in Thailand and put on three kilos because and it's like, oh, there's 100 food trucks. Who cares? You're only getting one lunch. Having said that, I was just spent a week in Thailand and put on three kilos because I ordered three meals every time I sat down. Boomba!

I felt it. I bought myself a little – I've never owned a little like a piece of Koh Samui merchandise, shall we say, something with like the words on it. I bought myself this little singlet and then went running in it by the end of the trip and just got my nipples absolutely chafed from squeezing into a top that is not the right size for me anymore. You were talking to me about this just before you came back. You were like, oh, man, I feel like I put –

and I'm trying to talk you down. I'm like, oh, man, you drink a bit in a week and then it's often like you just stop drinking for two days, and you feel like more shredded immediately, and, you know, you've got all this stuff, and then it's like the next day you're like, yeah, I just got home and weighed myself. I put on three kilos. Yeah, yeah.

I had a brutal run where I could physically feel the weight on me. The jiggle? Yeah. Oh, dude. Yeah. That's brutal. And the top was so tight. Yeah.

It was. Yeah, I'd like to see this. And it was quite a shiny top as well so it's just top it's yeah it's it was the wrong choice tight shiny top it was the wrong choice did you leave it there or have you got no i've got it oh man break it out on the gold coast yeah maybe i will maybe i will i bought it was i went shopping too early in koh samui where all the vendors were open and just so desperate for a sale. And they were all just saying, you've got to be my first sale of the day.

And so I'm like, okay. And then, of course, you buy one thing and they go, only one. You're only buying one. Yeah. Okay. I guess I can have that one. You're only buying two.

Fuck me dead. We'll wrap this up soon. Yes. But I'll say this quickly. This popped up on my feed the other day, this photo that comes up semi-regularly. The photo of you and I when we went to Brisbane the first time and we were doing gigs at a comedy club up there

and we went into the office and it was really hot and we're both in shorts and we look like complete cunts. We look like two men from the Arctic who were just in warm weather for the first time in their lives and have absolutely no clue of how to dress. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I should find it and post it in the group. We look pretty good.

We look like men dressed as people 12 years younger than what they are. We look like fucking idiots. We look like we've gone to primary school. And we look like 21 Jump Street but for primary school. Right, right. And we're like, we're just wearing you know, we're just wearing our clothes. So we're like, oh yeah. And then we walk into

the office of the club to just like check in and the lady who worked there was like, this is fucked. I've got to get a photo of you two idiots. Yes.

Put that, I think that's a good caption. Imagine us being undercover in a primary school and us trying to fit in 21 Jump Street style. Yeah. 11 Jump Street. I'll try and find it. Okay. Well, now that 21 Jump Street style. Yeah. 11 Jump Street.

I'll try and find it. Okay. Well, now that Indian is absolutely confirmed. Let's wrap it up. Let's wrap this up. We probably would have done a few more names if you'd been delaying. I mean, we could finish right now. We could.

No, we'll do. I mean, we'll do one more. We'll do one more. We've wasted this much time. We may as well just do one. We're making it even. Yeah, let me recount that. One, two, five.

Well, it doesn't matter. We're just doing however many we do, doesn't it? Okay. Calm down. All right, one more. Thank you to,

this is the final one this week. Okay. Thank you to Patreon subscribers. Okay. All right. This is interesting. What's interesting about it? Hmm?

What's interesting about it? Well, I guess. Sorry, did you not hear me? Yeah, yeah. I thought I heard someone say something, but I wasn't sure who or what it was. Sorry, I said, what's interesting about it? Right. Okay.

Well, I guess there's no good me telling you what's interesting about it. I guess I just show rather than tell. Okay. Yeah. Right, right. That is a good... That's actually a good idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It just harkens back weirdly to something sort of we talked about earlier in the read. It's another interesting name. Something, wait, this is like some kind of callback to a discussion we've already had. Well, obviously not deliberate, just like a weird coincidental thing that reminds me of something else. Fuck, that's bizarre. Well, that's why I stopped. Yeah, but you seem remarkably composed for having stumbled across a once-in-a-lifetime event. Well, it's not that crazily exactly the same.

It's like just a hint of it. Vaguely in the same wheelhouse. It's just one of those ones where I've just arched my eyebrow for a moment. Oh, okay, right. Sort of paused and gone, right, okay. Yeah, quizzical. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like one of those funny things about life that you stumble upon sometimes.

It wakes you up you do yeah the one eyebrow raised you look like a cartoon fox on the cover of a Dreamworks animated movie you know that look that they all have

that like that mmm kind of look yeah yeah you got a bit of that going on funny how these things work out yeah so here we go

you have to laugh yeah you probably don't but here we go anyway number five this week. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Female Comedy. Good Lord. Yeah.

What do you think about that? What an unusual name. I mean, I can't see what their gender is on the subscription details. I know what the middle name is. Yeah. Ian. I don't know. I don't have that information.

But very interesting. I don't know if that's a girl or a boy that's subscribing, but certainly a very interesting surname, if not first name, in my opinion. Well, it takes all kinds, hey, Carl? Well, it takes all kinds, hey, Carl? I don't think we have any requests for female comedy to marry anyone. No.

No. Well, I mean, think about it, though. Oh, no, it doesn't really work that way, does it? Well, because... If you were marrying female comedy, I'd be going, I'm going to be pretty progressive here. I'm going to take your surname. Right. Okay. Right. Okay.

What if you were really progressive and took their first name? Female Dasolo. Yeah. All right. Let's go get some Indian. All right. Bye. Thanks.

See you, mate.