The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 477 - Nick Cody, Luke Heggie & Sonia Di Iorio

Episode Date: November 26, 2019

It's our first ever show in Tasmania and we're joined by NICK CODY, LUKE HEGGIE and SONIA DI IORIO. We find an audience member in the front row with a lot in common with Dassalo, Cody's chair is broken, Heggie details his experience riding a bike around Tasmania, Sonia's Festival show title for 2020 is dissected, and we go into Chandler's notebook to help him choose a title for his show!MELBOURNE! Our 500th episode is on sale. It's going to be massive. April 25, 2020. 8:30pm. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode recorded live in Hobart with guests Nick Cody, Luke Heggie and Sonia D'Orio. We've got a couple of things on sale. You can head to littledumbdumbclub.com to find more information about that as well as merch, links to our Patreon, which we will talk to you about at the end of the episode. At the end of the episode, in a segment, in a short little succinct segment we call Talking Dumb Dumb. I don't think it's a segment. I think it's its own show. Okay. It's a spin-off of this. Oh. But you can hear that in just a brief hour.

Stick around, wade through this episode, and get to Talking Dumb Dumb. Listen to the support act that is the Little Dumb Dumb Club and get to Talking Dumb Dumb. Exactly. So enjoy this live episode recorded in Hobart with Luke, Heggie, Nick Nick, Cody and Sonia D'Orio. Hey, mates! Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo.

With me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads. Very accusatory. We're here in Tasmania. I don't know what you've been fucking taught in this state, but this is Beyond Sold Out, and none of you cunts are sitting in the front row. Can you fucking sit down?

You're all standing. I want to see people in the front row. We want to feel like We're a success Fuck me In you get Come on Make way Like you guys are clapping them It's all they're doing

Is succumbing to gravity They're just fucking Sitting down They should have Shut up Guy in one of our t-shirts Can't see why I'd be interested

In sitting down in the front Yeah now fuck you You fucking cunts Now you are the first people that yeah, now that you're the closest to us, so that's probably a bad idea to say that to you, so One of these guys who's come up the front row, is it cool if I

tell people what you told me just before? This guy just came up to me and said, hey man thanks so much for coming to Tassie. Huge fan. Like, huge fan of Dumb Dumb Club, of your other podcast What a happy ending. Great, is that the end? Huge fan of your podcast Little Dumb Dumb Club, of your other podcast. What a happy ending. Great. Is that the end? Huge fan of your podcast, Little Dumb Dumb Club, and your other podcast, Filthy Casuals.

Huge fan of your stand-up. And also, I've currently got cancer. You're right. That is funny. I can laugh at that. You can't. Have some fucking respect. Fuck.

What a fanboy. Just, oh, anything Tommy has. Jesus Christ. Getting the diagnosis from the doctor. This is classic Dasolo. Mate, get a, buy a fucking t-shirt. Don't just get the disease for free. Oh, you're a fan of Tommy Dasolo?

Name five of his cancers. Fake fan. Fake fan in the front row. This is the real fan. He's bought official merchandise. You have got pirated cancer, all right? That's not the real deal. He was trying to stunt on me

and say that he has a slightly better type than what I had too. He's probably better than you. It's probably fatal. So, you know. And this is the start. You're groaning, but you're still laughing, so you may as well not groan.

That doesn't make... Like, this kind of laugh, like... That doesn't make you a good person, okay? You're still a cunt because you're technically laughing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you can't ironically stab someone. You've still done it, all right? So lean into it, all right?

Having said that, you guys are still a better crowd than Gold Coast were last week. So fucking good on you. Having said that, it's like 22 degrees and not 42, so it's pretty easy to be like that. Imagine if we'd started that show. This guy in the front row just told me he has AIDS. To be fair, we started the show last week by going, you guys are all ugly. And they're like, we'll switch off for 55 minutes now, I reckon. Well, I probably would have been doing that here

if I hadn't had that sweet cancer intel about five minutes ago. Thank God that guy's fucked, because that's a good start to the show. No, but things are looking good, is what he told me. Oh, really? Yeah. Are they really? Really? Oh.

Hang on. Are you like one of those... Who's that woman in Melbourne that faked cancer? Tommy Dasolo. What's her name? Does anyone know her name? Belle Gibson. Sorry?

Belle Gibson. Belle Gibson, right. This guy loves her just straight away. Yeah, yeah, great. Are you the male... Are you Mel Gibson? No. I'm a bit obsessed with Belle Gibson, to be honest,

because that is a fucking... That's so weird. Isn't that weird? That she just goes, I've got cancer, everyone, and they're like, great, we're going to buy you a cookbook to solve you of cancer. And then everyone bought the cookbook

and all those people did not survive cancer. So, alright, let's talk about something else. Well, I'm having flashbacks to the Gold Coast.

This is a self, self, yeah, it's a self-caused, this is a one-man Gold Coast up here at the moment. Nah, but good on you,

mate. And on behalf of everyone at the Little Dumb Dumb Club, get fucked. Did you, how's And on behalf of everyone at the Little Dumb Dumb Club, get fucked. Did you... We're like Patch Adams up here, aren't we? So it is good.

It's like out of 100. How's it going? Oh, yeah, it's good. 98. 98? 98? Wow. Not so, man.

What's your secret? Healthy food. Healthy food? Healthy food. Not on brand. Get out. Good cookbook. Oh, Bell Gibson's cookbook.

Right. All right. Nicely going to look into this. I'm just going to get it and just stockpile on anti-cancer stuff. If I ever get cancer, it will immediately be eradicated because I've already... Anyway, I'm bored. A good on-brand answer would have been when you said, what's your secret if he'd gone 69ing?

This room would have lit up, I reckon. People would have gotten into your wear group on Facebook. Ah, fuck, I filmed it and put it on the wall. When did you get it? Three months ago. And you've lost... You didn't have it. You got rid of cancer in three months?

That's not real. Did you? Is that? That's, man, that's the flu. All right? That's not real. That's someone in the front row trying to get a bit of attention. All right, mate.

I had parents that loved me, but you want to pull this sort of stuff. But anyway, whatever. Whatever. That's not mate. I had parents that loved me, but you want to pull this sort of stuff. But anyway, whatever. Whatever. Tommy, you know better than that. That's not real, is it? You can't get rid of it in three months. Get it and get rid of it in three months.

He's not rid of it. He's just been told he's like, things are looking good. He's in the clear. That's like you've walked in and gone, you've got cancer. Actually, it's gone now. I don't know. I don't know. There's doubts. I need records. Have you got anything? This is a happy story. I don't know. I don't know. There's doubts.

I need records. Have you got anything? This is a happy story. People were in this. We could be while we're in. Have you got any cancer marks on you or anything that you can show me? Is there any evidence? Can we see anything? That's a mole.

That's not cancer. I don't know. Oh, my God. I don't know. I don't know. If you're going gonna come in here and brag about having fucking diseases

you gotta back it up that's what I'm saying alright just alright okay just be you know

just be happy that you're healthy you don't have to he is I know but you don't have to make up a new backstory he's really happy

I don't know he was excited to meet me, his favourite cancer-based podcaster. I love Cancer Corner. You love Cancer Corner. He loves Cancer Corner, yeah. Did that kill you? Basically. Basically, right.

He was saying, believe it or not, Cancer Corner's really been helping him. Oh, really? Yeah. Helping him make up fucking a backstory. The answer to the question, did it hurt, really would have helped it out. Yeah, did it hurt? Oh, if I'd got you to do a lie detector then, it's like that nervous little stammer there was like,

fuck, he is lying, he is fucking done for, I don't know, I don't know. Uh-oh, they've turned on Carl. Oh, they've turned on me. It's taken five minutes of me calling him a cancer denier, but... All right. When I said, is it okay if I bring this up? And you were like, yes. Did you predict this going down?

Yeah, yeah, probably you'd have a fair idea. What's your name, man? Will. Will. Well, give it up for Will. All right. Reluctantly. One guy not clapping.

Pro-cancer over there. My grandpa invented cancer, and I'll be damned if I applaud this guy beating it. He's with me. He can see through this fucking flim story. Slim. I've had too many beers already. I've had too many beers.

There is, so this guy's, you know, got his story about you. There's a guy here that's got a t-shirt of a heavy truck,

which is a very... Oh, really? Yeah. We got some bootleg merch in the crowd? Fuck yeah. I've got my joke from the Will Anderson.

Don't cover it up. You fucking made it. Oh, I'm so embarrassed about this T-shirt I made five minutes ago and then wore to a gig deliberately to get noticed. So you've made a joke,

you've made a T-shirt off the back of my joke that has only been done on a podcast and didn't go well. I've got heaps of jokes that go well as I've never got

a fucking T-shirt made out of them. There's no duck sandwich T-shirt. What the fuck's going on here? Anyway. You're my cancer. It looks good though. Shout out to the heavy truck shirt.

Yeah. Where did you get it printed? Did you get it printed up? Were there questions at the shop when you got it printed up? You do it yourself? You do it yourself. What, you have your own t-shirt printer at home? What does that mean?

You look confused. Don't shrug at us. We don't know. You have the t-shirt. Surely you know how you got it. We're visitors in your country. You should be treating us better than this. What?

You made a stamp. That's a stamp? What? You made a two-foot stamp. And then put it on a t-shirt. A 3D printer. All right, well, that's not a 2 foot stamp. You look like Rolf Harris. Anyone ever tell you that?

And how old were they? How old's that truck? Maybe we should have Saved all this for the Gold Coast This is This would have been up their alley We invent a time machine And then we just go back

To the Gold Coast gig And do our You've got cancer You're a pedophile gear And then we're killing People who are listening to this at home And thinking about going to a live show Make sure when you come to a live show

You have some fucked back stories Right, right. So we have more fun with you because people in the Gold Coast had fucking nothing and it was a bit shit, so... This is, I mean, this is already a better intro than last week. Maybe this needs to be a new thing at the live shows. We just get up and do an inventory of what diseases people in the planet have.

Right, yeah, yeah. Are you saying he has a disease? The heavy truck guy? I don't know. Right. Does anyone have the clap in the room? What is the clap? I actually don't know. Right. Does anyone have the clap in the room? What is the clap? I actually don't know.

Gonorrhea. Gonorrhea. Gonorrhea. Thanks, Nick Cody. Yeah. That's a testament to me and Tommy Standout that we don't know what the clap is. We just got the clap. Nice.

Yes. All right. We finally contracted it. We contracted it together. Yeah. We got a round of the clap. Nice. Yes. All right. We finally contracted it. We contracted it together. Yeah. We got a round of the clap. What's the next... Who's got a disease?

Who else has got a disease in the crowd? Yeah. What do you got? What do you got, folks? Anyone. Just if you've got anything going on at the moment. Diarrhea. Let's work up from there.

It's not a disease, is it? I don't know if that's a disease. Well, it's some kind of illness or ailment, anything. Oh. Pardon? Tinea. Did you say... Tinea's just a funny word.

You don't have it, though, do you? Duck sandwich. Shut up, cunt. That's not... Duck sandwich is not a disease. It's a fucking fever. Yeah. Pardon?

Terminal. Terminal. Okay. Yeah, man. No funny business, thanks. We're trying to do a comedy Okay. Yeah, man. No funny business, thanks. We're trying to do a comedy podcast. Yeah, yeah. Exactly.

Fuck, stop trying to get laughs, you idiot. So we got into Tasmania this morning. We had a bit of time to kill before we could check into our accommodation. We went to the Salamanca markets. Yep. And we... Give it up. Cool.

Give it up Cool Give it up Yeah give it up for Carney Selling fucking Tie dye t-shirts Yeah We were sitting there Having a bit of breakfast And lo and behold

Yes A young man Oh by the way By the way There's nothing in the Salamanca markets But people coming to this show All we did was walk around And see all of you fucking freaks

Walk past us We should have just done the show there Yeah Set up a little tent We were fantasising About getting the suitcase out people coming to this show. All we did was walk around and see all of you fucking freaks walk past us. We should have just done the show there. Yeah. Set up a little tent. We were fantasising about getting the suitcase out and selling our own merch at the market. Just tweet, come to the car park of the Salamanca markets in 10 minutes

if you wanted a wear hat. Yeah. But yeah, no, we were sitting there and look, you know, some people doing some spotting today. No big deal. Yeah. No big deal. We. No big deal. We got spotted.

Whatever. Whatever. We had this young man come up and he was like, oh, my God. Control yourself up the back there. I was a Ralph Harris. Right. Right. Don't go so heavy on the truck, if you know what I mean.

So a young man came up and went tommy that's something carl tan oh my god can i what what do you guys i'm a big fan i'm a massive fan i'm aware i'm aware and we're like oh cool that's nice yeah yeah cool and they're like oh i had it tommy how did your art exhibition go was it really good i'm like oh this guy's got his finger on the pulse like yeah really cool and he goes yeah cool so what are you doing in tasmania and we're like we are doing a show in three hours and he's like right okay i'm gonna go now and just yeah he just left and then there was like five minutes of me and tommy just bitching going who the fuck is this cunt saying he's such a big fan and fucking the art exhibition and then he doesn't doesn't even know and then five minutes later he comes back and goes can i get a photo please like absolutely sure yeah no worries no

worries yeah it was just perfect like we're doing a show here today no thing of like you're kidding me and i'm here as well where can i get tickets it's like cool story fuckheads see ya yeah yeah yeah so he's he's not here is he fuck i, if you put your hand up at this point, that's pretty brave. But, yeah. Yeah, roast me. Call me a pedophile or make fun of me for having cancer. This will be good. We'll get around to all of you eventually. We hate people who like us.

But then also we did the, for people at home, we've just done a stand-up show before this. We started like a couple of hours before the podcast started. And a bunch of people turned up who were not coming to the stand-up show, but just wanted to sit in the venue and drink for a couple of hours before the podcast. And that is not very funny. And I regret bringing it up. All right, there's an edit point. Let's do this bit instead. Keep the bastards honest. I'll keep it up. Alright, there's an edit point. Let's do this bit instead.

Keep the bastards honest. I'll keep it in. Alright. I think they just gave me cancer. So, how many people here are actually from Tasmania? How many people aren't from Tasmania? Man, we've got to get some tourism dollars from fucking Tasmania or something. Because it felt like when the ticket sales sales we went through all the names and everything and we were like

is there anyone from fucking Hobart coming to this gig because everyone's just flying over from fucking Melbourne and all around and whatever which explains why a lot of you guys

didn't want to see us stand up because you've fucking seen it before but next Hobart gig let's just do it in Melbourne I mean we've done that in Adelaide but honestly it would have saved us a lot of time

yeah I did a gig I don't know if I think I've said this on the pod. I hope I haven't said this on the pod before. Hey, cancer, keep it down. You got cancer of the years, mate? Fucking...

You're explaining... It's explaining the jokes. It's just explaining the jokes. There weren't any. Okay? I did that thing, it bombed there was nothing to explain, it was too late I don't know if I said this but I did a gig, the first time I ever did a gig

in Tasmania about 7 or 8 years ago I walked out and my opening joke was oh yeah, good to be in Tasmania I don't know much about it. I'm from another country, Australia.

It went worse than that. They fucking hated it. That's the thing is, like, you travel to do comedy and you think of, like, something during the day and the place you're in, you're like, oh, how good am I? I've thought of an observation of this place. They'll love it.

And then audiences typically are like, can't we hear that every week? Yeah, yeah. We're off it and we're off you. Man, you know, this is the only island show we've done apart from Koh Samui. This is basically... Yeah, that's a good point. Tasmania is the Koh Samui of Australia.

Yeah, yeah. I like it. Fuck, all of a sudden I'm way more excited to be here. Kohsmania. I don't know. No.

How dare you? Are you explaining? Yeah, he doesn't know. He doesn't know what? What were you saying to him? I was telling him about the Koh Samui. You were telling him

about the Koh Samui podcast. These are all chats that can happen after the gig. I reckon, honestly, like like you'd like to enjoy it while it's happening well us too but there's people

chatting in the front row and it's very distracting Cancer can you not bring your fucking guide dog along every time that you have to I love that his nickname now is just Cancer.

Rough stuff. Do we have a... Do we want to do a quick call? Oh, yeah, because we've got guests lined up and it's a real mystery as to who they are. But we never advertise it, and we always keep... It's like the Masked Singer up here, basically. Who knows who it is?

Even for people at home. I mean, apart from the fact we list it in the episode information when people download it. But let's ring... We had a guest booked in for a while back. Look, as we got on the stage, he wasn't here yet. So if I can just... I might just ring him and see if he's close by,

because we really... Hello? Hello, Nick? Hello, Nick Capper. Sorry, guys. I'm out in the ocean. I'm really in New Zealand. I'm just near the North Island.

Oh, was that the waves we could hear from the jet skis? Is that what's happening here? Kia Ora. Kia Ora. Wait, you're heading to New Zealand? Yeah, yeah, just near the North Island. That's where you guys are, right? No, we're in Atlantis.

Just go down from here. No, we're in Tasmania, you fucking idiot. we're in Atlantis just go down from here no we're in Tasmania you fucking idiot we're in Tasmania oh fuck who would go to that place if it wasn't going to Adelaide

man turn around go back there's some fucking you don't want to get near the front row it's fucking you might catch something

alright here I'm already behind the times fucking some prick didn't put the jumper leads on correctly. It's all over the place. Very loose reference. Not helped by the fact

that you're not holding the microphone up to the speaker for most of... Aren't I? Well, are you not holding the microphone up to the speaker so this is a conversation

that we're having and no one else can hear? No, they can hear. You've bombed worse than this. Are you not holding the microphone up to the speaker? So this is a conversation we're having. No, they can hear. You've bombed worse than this. I've seen it. So it's fine. Man, I was about to tell them about that time you and me had a fucking mantra after we'd been to hospital. After we'd been to hospital.

I remember that spot. Man, that was a good night. At the mantra? Where's the mantra? No, I don't know. I've never even seen a hotel, to be honest. Right, okay, all right. So, all right.

Oh, I'm just waving to a penguin, sorry. A kiwi just swam past me. Hey, hi, kiwora. All right, well, I can see we're running out of steam here, so let's go. Anyway, guys, say hello to everybody and I hope Tasmania's good I don't know what kind of greeting you have there

I don't know I'm inbred or something like that Well quickly everyone in the room let's get a big Kia Ora Kappa going the traditional greeting of Tasmania 1, 2, 3 Kia Ora Kappa Oh wow that sounds like the spirit of Tasmania. One, two, three. Yeah! Oh, wow. That sounds like

the spirit of Tasmania. Alright, goodbye. Bye-bye, Kappa. Bye. Okay, jokes on this are as rare as the tiger thing. That's a little joke I made. Anyway, see you later. Good out. See ya.

Guys, you locals probably don't know, but there is a bit of a time difference between here and Melbourne. It's 4am back there, which is why he sounded so unawares and like he had no idea what comedy was. Cancer, can you explain Kappa, please, to your mate? Yeah.

Actually, explain him to me. All right, let's get our first guest out here please welcome back into the little dum-dum club Nick Cody yes this chair is slowly sinking it's one of the saddest scales I've ever been on

there's no number it just lets me know I'm under great guys. Hey, I'm still... See, that kid who came up to us earlier today, he's going to listen back to this.

He's going to wish he was there. I missed out on a man slowly descending. Let's not blame all of that on the cancer. On the chair, I mean. Fuck.

I fucking... What's a cancer? I wish I had some cancer. I'd love to be lying on the feet. This is God A bit of chemo

Wouldn't go astray For the old The waistline What's this again? You right? I'm just going to Put all the pressure On this leg

And pretend We're on some Fancy chairs It feels like We're on some fancy chairs. It feels like we're on a blind date TV show or something. It does feel like that, doesn't it? Yeah. Like, oh, and what position would you be in if you... I don't know.

Oh, the Cancer Ward. Oh, nice. Nice. You get that, right? Wait, so you're on a blind dating show and your question to the person you're going on the blind date is, what position would you do? It's always like sexually ambiguous sort of thing

and I was like, I don't know how to dress this up, so I'll just say it. Right. Chando comes out as one of the contestants. What are your thoughts on doggy? Anal, yes or no? Oh, we're getting a new chair for Nick Cody. Oh, my God.

Oh, fuck off. Fuck off. I'll fucking neck myself before I sit on another chair. It's got a reinforced leg on it. It's an anti-gravity chair. Yeah, you're fat. No, you know what it is. Oh, no, the other front row are walking out on us.

Oh, no. He didn't understand all the references. He's fucking gone. His friends are in remission. Yeah, well, fuck off back to Ronald McDonald House, all right? How's that one going for you, Cody? No, no, no, I'm sitting on the same one. I think it was the wallet. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah? No, no, no. I'm sitting on the same one. I think it was the wallet.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. Not money. There's just a Qantas and Virgin. Platinum card, bitches. Double platinum, bitch. Heavy as fuck. Put that down there.

Oh, no. Fuck, I love Hobart. It's so nice. Tassie's so nice. How the fuck is the Gold Coast? It's nice. It's fucking weird. Like, it's literally... Tass's so nice yeah this is the gold coast yeah yeah it's nice it's fucking weird like it's literally no but like the weather the weather's literally weird like we're walking around getting rained on and then two seconds later we're taking their coat off and

then putting a fucking singlet on and then it's raining again it's just fucking all over the joint is that right man i've yeah she got your ass. Oh, fuck, we've got Wikipedia in. Matt, I flew in the other day. It was 36 degrees here. I don't think anyone... Is that normal? That's not a normal... It's almost like there's something happening to the planet.

I don't know if they give you the full news at Triple M, but... I think it's all Greenies lattes. That's what's happening. There's too much frothing of the milk. You fucking soft cocks are doing something to the mines. I don't know. That's all Greenies lattes and that's what's happening there's too much frothing of the milk you fucking soft cocks are doing something to the minds I don't know that's all I hear lattes are wrecking the minds

that's all I know that's what the courier mail told me fuck this chair he's back you fat bitch cop that wow it's definitely it's a chair and it's also measuring my self esteem at the same time You fat bitch cop that. Wow. It's definitely... It's a chair and it's also measuring my self-esteem at the same time.

It's incredible. The fuck is that? It's definitely the chair's fault. Definitely. I feel like Mario. Like I've jumped on something and... You look like... Now you look like our aggro.

This chair's fucked. It looks like you're trying to walk out on this gig And you think there's a better gig happening in the basement If it happens to this one I'm going to have to seriously look at my diet Good to go We're good, that's a reinforced one It looks like you are not moving at the moment I'm on it

Alright Yes Not moving at the moment. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. All right. All right. Yes. So the guy who has no... I knew I wasn't in bad shape. That's an incredible effort, sir. I mean, four beers at once. For people at home...

What the fuck is this? For people at home, Cancer's guide dog has got... Yeah. Has quadruple fisting. Man. Had four pints in his hand. Sir, was that your make-a-wish for a friend to bring four beers at once? Well, I don't understand the jokes.

There's only one option. Drink my way through it. Wow. I love Hobart. A few years ago, I was here with Ray Badron. Friend of the show. Yep, and I'll tell the story a bit quicker than he will. I was going to say,

should I ring him? But I don't need a mortgage on a phone call. So we're doing a gig for the Sydney Comedy Festival Roadshow here in Hobart. And during the day... During the day we thought,

during the day we thought, you know what, we'll go for a couple of beers. It was spring racing carnival time, so we're betting and drinking. Cam Knight was also there when he was drinking, when he was fun. And we ran into him today. Yeah. Yeah.

We ran into him. He's here. He was off a cruise ship, but it was funny. We walked past him. And Daslo goes, man, that guy, that's so funny how he looks like Cam Knight. And then a guest that's coming up just walked up and just stood behind him for like 30 seconds until he could figure out it was actually Cam Knight. So I was actually fucking lucky because he looked like a crazy stalker there for 30 seconds.

And this, what I thought was the faux Cam Knight, what was kind of throwing me off was that he was trying on some like face at this store at the market. And I was like, it doesn't seem like a very Cam Knight thing to do. And I was like, I barely know Cam Knight. Where do I get off going? What's a Cam Knight move? The Cam Knight that I know and love would never be trying on fucking face cream in a market. Yeah.

Well, Cam Knight used to drink and now he doesn't. And that must be the 11th step, wasting a Saturday. What a fucking loser. We should have put him out of his misery. But a few years ago, when we were all having fun, we drank all day, and then the tour manager picked us up and went, guys, we've got to leave for the thing. He's picked us up at 6.30.

He said, I'm dropping you at the hotel. Get whatever you need. You're getting picked up again at 7 to go to the show. Now, at this point, I've had maybe 15 beers. I get into the hotel room. I've got 12 minutes, right? That's enough time. Maybe have a shower, brush your teeth, freshen up.

I thought, you know what will change this? A six-minute nap. I had a six-minute nap. I woke up the most fucked anybody. Because it turns out your body, six minutes into a sleep, goes, all right, let's start repairing things and then you wake up and it's like, man, I thought we'll shut down. Yeah. None of

your functions work, you're in a fucking, it was like an immediate hangover, six minutes in. You've pulled a car into the garage, you've taken the wheel off and then you've gone, oh, let's start again. It's like, no, we need to put the wheel back on. I was fucked. Ray Badron's brother was there, he's a, if you I was fucked. Ray Badron's brother was there.

If you don't know, Ray Badron's brother has a doctorate in pure mathematics. No, I think we're aware. Yeah. And he was helping us pick trifectas. And it turns out being a nerd doesn't help with horses. Is a doctorate in pure mathematics just autism? And also, what's impure mathematics? What's corrupted mathematics?

The pokies. No matter how much I put in, the same stuff coming out. I hate that maths that they cut with all that dodgy shit. Yeah, slutty mathematics. I want to know about that. Yeah, that is odd. The maths that they cook in a bathtub It's got bleach And shit in it

You are a bit of a regular Now on our live Man you've done Three live shows In about Six weeks Or seven weeks Or something like that

You were in Perth You were in Gold Coast Yeah you started in Perth Your little road show Of dum dum gigs Yeah And I don't know

What you do Carl When you're away From the family My favourite thing Hands down Is to go and watch a movie Right Because you what you do Carl when you're away from the family my favourite thing hands down is to go and watch a movie right because you can't do that

when you've got a kid so I thought I'll go and watch a movie I went and saw Joker in Perth nerd gold class showed my virgin card

they went that means nothing I go I'll park don't worry about it I want to sit up the front of the theatre I said where's platinum class because that's how I roll.

And they said, it's gold, tops. Weird that the Virgin card didn't get you into the Joker. Very nice. Very good. I like that. I had a very Perth movie experience though because Perth has got a lot of boomers and it's got mining as well

and that combination we're in on the Friday afternoon. There were two women in front of me in their 50s they had a bottle of sav blanc each respect i love that that's fantastic it's your friday avo ladies enjoy yourself uh but 30 seconds into the film one lent over quite loud in a theater while the movie's playing she goes i wonder when he'll get angry and snap and her friend said i haven't seen the other ones. I don't know what will happen. They're talking at that volume in a cinema.

And a guy in gold class in high viz. He's rolled up in high viz. In gold class? In gold class. In high viz. Three metres away from them, very calmly. They're having a chat at the volume. That's a little bit too much for the rest of the people in there.

The guy in the high vvis just stood up and went, well, you two women just shut the fuck up! They said, sorry, mate. That's awesome. The most perth thing I've ever seen. If I was in that cinema, I would regard that as part of the gold-class experience. Oh, do you think it's 4D?

Someone talks in the cinema, it's like you get someone to tell them to shut up. That's fucking great. I paid for that. I wanted a chock top 12 minutes in and I wanted this person to be called a cunt. That's what I paid for. It's on my ticket. Also, that interaction is kind of just like a micro version of the plot of Joker.

Let's stop talking about the Joker. Remember when we were talking about cancer and I was too fat for a chair? That was fun, wasn't it? Now we're doing movie reviews. It's gone downhill. All right, let's get our next guest out here. Folks, please welcome back into the little Dunham Club, Luke Hagee. Oh, no.

No. No. Yes. All right. Uh-oh. Oh, no. Luke Hagee, Mr. Charisma himself. Let's go.

What have you got? Energy. Flat out. What do you want? He's done it. Have you been to Tasmania before? Yeah, man. Have you been here?

Yeah, I rode my pushbike around here once. Around here? Around Tasmania. It took three months. What the fuck are you talking about? Around the whole thing? Yeah Why?

It's fucking bigger than you think No, I think it's big It takes three months Did it really take three months? Oh man, I was doing like Did you have nothing else to do? What? Why?

Plenty else to do, it was just a good thing to do It's like 80k a day, three months, you'll cover this island. It's fucking hard work. It's hillier than you'd think too, actually. Tasmania. Stop presuming what I think. Okay. Unless you presume that I think you're a fucking idiot.

So did you have no work on and you just... Where'd this come out of? Why? What do you mean why Like why would you Don't question my question Okay You rode around Australia

On a push bike What's the inspiration Not around Australia Sorry Tasmania Yeah What's the inspiration I don't know

I'd never been here before But if you've never been somewhere You don't just instantly go I'll do a lap of it Fucking Well It's not bad though It's good when you don't I've never been to the North Pole't just instantly go, I'll do a lap of it. It's not bad, though. You don't. I've never been to the North Pole, but I'm not going to fucking do a 360.

Not on a bike. It'd be a fucking nightmare. Imagine being asked by a bloke that's been to Koh Samui 87 times, why do you travel like that? You're a fool. I've only done one lap of it though. By himself to Thailand. What age were you?

Twenty, twenty six, something like that. Okay, right. So pre like having a family and everything. Oh yeah, fuck yeah. If you had just said like last year,

that would have been sick. Just take off from the family for three months. I would have fucking loved it, to be honest. That would have been sick. Just take off from the family for three months. I would have fucking loved it, to be honest. That would be a great time out. Sorry, no phone. Don't call me. I'll be in the tent. See ya.

So, yeah, is that what you did? So you slept every night just on the side of the road? Yeah. Just in the tent. And just didn't talk to anyone? He rode back to his hotel every night. How far can I get today? Sun's going down. Better get back to his hotel every night. How far can I get today? Sun's going down, better get back to the ridges.

It's just like a video game, like I've lost my one life today, I have to start again and try and get all the way through again tomorrow. Can't save this one. I love that all of Carl's perfectly reasonable questions are being asked by Higgy going, yeah, that's how I did it, fuckhead.

So, what, you just, what, nine to five? What did you do? That's not how fun works. Punch on. Clock in, clock out. Had an hour off for lunch. Had a dart break. But that's not fun.

You're not telling me that that's funny. It is fun. Why is it fun? It's just to fucking... It's amazing to ride around. Well, why don't you fucking do it then? I did. I've ridden around on a bike for ages.

I just stayed in Melbourne on it. Mate, I think that chair over there has proved that you haven't been doing any riding around for a while. Fucking hell. I'm not giving anyone a dink at this weight. So, you get here. Is this a plan Or you just got here And went I want to do a lap Well I

I was I was in Europe For a fair while And I was like Fuck it I'm not ready to go home To Brisbane Which is where I'm from

But you weren't fucking brave Enough to do a lap of Europe Though were you Well I was actually Oh okay But I just I thought I'm not going back

To Brisbane Brisbane sucks. I'll go to, I got a flight for like 200 pounds to Melbourne. Took four days. Like,

it went, Greek Airlines. Jesus Christ. Fucking nightmare. Got to Melbourne. My grandparents came from England by boat and that was shorter,

I think, than that trip. Did you go cabistyle? Did you go like all crazy style? Nearly. And I got to Melbourne and I thought, I'll buy a push boat and go to Tasmania.

And then I'll go home. Wow. What else did you do on your cunt tiki tour? Sounds like the worst time ever. Yeah, it sounds like... It was a fucking good time. I loved it. It was great.

I got bored of fishing, fishing rod in a tent and, you know, a few tins of beans and shit and just away you go. And what just didn't have anything to do with civilisation? Just did a lap of Tassie? Nothing to do with civilisation. Thanks for coming, folks. There's more people than you think here. It actually sounds like foreplay.

I did a lap of Tasmania, if you know what I mean. A few times I didn't speak to anyone for five, six know what I mean. It's like... A few times I didn't speak to anyone for like five, six days at a time. It was excellent. It's good. Probably good for them too. Everyone's a winner. What else did you do in this Dero Red Dead Redemption?

It is a really gussied up way of saying I was homeless for three months. So what are you doing? You're riding around It's like what? Then it's sundown It's night And then you're just like what? Pitching a tent on the side of the road

You're just hanging out in the tent by yourself Exactly Working out on your self-suck routine Or whatever you're doing Yeah what are you doing for entertainment? Yeah what are you doing? What are you doing at night when the sun goes down? What are you doing in your little tent by yourself?

Funnily enough I do a little thing called reading books. And then I get up and get back on the bike and ride six or seven hours and then do that again. It's fucking excellent. Did you get this guy to stop doing fucking stupid shit? Yeah. It stopped me bashing people for three months.

And what was your favourite Garfield book that you took down on this experience? Just seeing Heggie cycling down the side of the road in this bag that's clearly so heavy and then he empties it out just full of Garfield books. That's the only thing in there. Garfield does it

again. Classic. Kick Dodie off the bench. I can't wait to finish the ride to see if he gets any lasagna today. I just picture him with a little, like, a miner's hat on, with the light on it, and he's in a tent, and he's reading a Goosebumps book, but it's upside down. Like, he doesn't even know. He's just that fatigued.

I like the idea of you cycling down the street, mid-20s, just in your head like, God, I'm sophisticated. What a cool way of seeing the world. And it's just everyone who drives past you going, look at that fucking loser. Some people probably flashing back going, I remember seeing him all those years ago.

I don't even think many cyclists ride around thinking, I'm sophisticated. It's a fucking thing to do. Were you in the bike pants? How were you dressed? Just like normal Luke Heggy homeless style or what? I'm fucking straight. I just wear like normal shorts and a bluey singlet.

Right. Had whatever. That's not normal. Yeah. To ride around Tasmania in shorts and a bluey singlet, by the way. It got to a point where I could take off the singlet. It looks like you're stalking a sheep at that point. Look, I'm still wearing a singlet.

Yeah. That's better than you guys gave it. All right, let's get our third guest out here. Please welcome back in the little Dunlop Club, Sonia Di Iorio. Hello. Hey, hey, hey. Sonia. How's it going?

Good, thank you. I've been here before as well. Oh, you've been to Tasmania? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You said the weather's so up and down. Yeah. That is like Melbourne. Right.

But last time I was here, I had someone tell me that Melbourne is colder than Hobart. Is that fucked or what? That's not true. It's not true, right? Right. This person was adamant. What? It's not true, right?

Hobart people, what do you think? Yeah, exactly. But she said, oh, I've lived in, I even lived in Melbourne for 12 years. Right. So I didn't want to call her a psycho, you know? What could I do? But I'm glad people agree with me. Yeah.

You told me you had some for the top of the show, but you lied. No, no, I didn't. I didn't say that. I didn't know what I was going to say. But I'm glad to be staying. Tommy set us up with some sweet-a-com. What's it called? Doctor?

Oh, yeah. We're staying at a hotel called Doctor Syntax. Which... Any fans? I looked it up. It is named after a racehorse that was euthanised. Oh, really? That's good. There we go. Cool. Next time, can you set us up in the Maccabi Diva

or something? A bit more fucking flash? I was wondering, because Doctor Syntax, I said before, it sounds like a barber where they give you a beer or something like it doesn't sound like a place that's got just a fucking punting room

you know it's a pub with doctor in front of it it's a pub with some pretty nice rooms above it I have to say oh really

and you guys are staying next door in a place called the what is it the Bay Hotel and Apartments and then underneath anyway if anyone wants

to throw rocks in our window there's all the there's all Apartments. Anyway, if anyone wants to throw rocks at our window, there's all the details tonight, guys. If you want to look us up and see how much we pay for a hotel room on average, there's all the info. Big sign, Bay Hotel and Apartments, and then underneath, formerly Woolmers. Any Woolmers fans in the house? Anyone stay there back when it was Woolmers?

No, people don't generally stay in a hotel when they live in the town. So, maybe not. I just wish their keys were fucking bigger. Have a look at this shit. That's a big key. Look at that. You brought it out. Mine's still at home, cooling my fucking room down.

Fuck you. Listen, are you calling it home already You have settled in It's not the side of a road in fucking Tasmania This guy just raps not to be sleeping in a tent tonight in Tasmania I can control the climate This is awesome I got a key

There's no key to a tent This is fucking luxury Are you just going to do laps of your room tonight? There she is Going to read some books tonight You fucking idiot the laps of your room tonight? There she is. Going to read some books tonight, you fucking idiot. Excuse me, manager,

what's your sweet skid policy here? I'm a fan of a mono as well. Is that fine? We did do comedy before this show. We did stand-up comedy before this. Oh, yeah. Did we? This guy up the back

of the room trying to take a selfie with us with the whole crowd and us but in comedy generally when

you can see a light at the back of the room that's the sign to fuck off so I'm just watching that

guy give me the light I'm like mate we've got another half an hour at least please

don't do that we did sound comedy before this show now Sonia I was talking

to you just last night, and these boys don't know this, but I thought I would spring this on them. This is the time of year where we all register our comedy festival shows and we come up with the names and all the details, all that sort of stuff. Now, tell the nice people out here

what the name of Sonia D'Orio's comedy festival show is this year. Is it a pun? Is it based on a name? Coming in 2020, my festival show will be called Big Eyes, Big Pussy. Yes. Fuck yeah. That's relevant to my stand-up, people who saw it before, right? I want to let people know what they're in for.

You should do like Big Eyes, Big Pussy, Can't Lose. You know what I mean? Like a Friday night lights. Friday night vag. Okay. Might not be referring to my vag. It's got a double meaning. Like big pussy can mean you're a scaredy cat.

Oh, okay. Are you going to be holding a cat in the poster? No. Nice. So let's roll that out. It's definitely been a lie. Look, yeah. Talk us through why you want people to know that.

What do you mean? Why would you say that? Why would I say what? You know. How do you not know what I'm asking you? Yeah, he's right, Sonia. Your eyes aren't that big. Oh, okay. Well, it's a joke. Is it? Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay Your eyes aren't that big. Oh, okay.

Well, it's a joke. Is it? Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. It's a comedy angle. Ah, right. So it's not.

Did you think I had like some sort of disorder that gave me a very enlarged vagina? And I was like. Well, I just take everything at face value when you said that. Right, right, right. Well, I don't know. It might be true. I haven't compared. Oh, you've never?

I haven't done a comparison. When you're at school at PE or anything, you don't know. It might be true. I haven't compared. You've never? You don't? When you're at school at PE or anything, you don't go around and compare? Oh, my God. I know that's what you think we do

in your fantasies, but... Again, I can't stress this enough. Can we make fun of the cancer guy? Back before it got weird. I have grown

since high school, too. You know? All right, anyway. Are you planning to address the title in the show in any way? Yeah, probably. Yeah. I'm working on the show. I don't know.

You know, we're working on our shows still. Yeah. So you just nailed the title. Right. Yeah, see? That lady, she looks like a sophisticated lady and she's clapping at that. She looks like she relates to having a big pussy. Jesus.

That's good. Good Lord. Big pussies, small pussies, everyone welcome at my show. That's in the blurb? No small dicks though. It sounds like everyone's got a small dick compared to the big pussies. No, everyone. Please make that your blurb. No small dick's butt.

You've just got to put butt. It's just the worst grammar. No small dick's butt. New show's on at 7.30 in the evening. It'll still be daylight out. Yeah, it is. I'm doing a couple of shows in Tassie too, in January. Oh, really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Spruiking. See, it's already getting some heat. You guys are talking about my name. Big eyes, big map. Big eyes, big map of Tassie. So what's the photo and what's the poster? What's the idea?

The photo is a picture of my pussy. No. It's a picture of me. Yeah. That's generally what you have for it. That's my poster. I'm like smiling at the camera. There's no visual reference to the...

No, I'm just like smiling at the camera, you know, wide-eyed, wide pussy. Whatever. It's a nice photo of me. Are you running an ad on Pornhub this year? Yes. And the Comedy Festival are okay with this? Stop giving me great marketing ideas, Carl. The Comedy Festival are okay with this?

I don't know. Okay. You've registered, you haven't heard back from them? I'm still waiting for approval. Okay. So, so far, so good. Fingers crossed. No, I'm sure there won't be any back from them? I'm still waiting for approval. Okay, so far so good. Fingers crossed. No, I'm sure there won't be any problem, right?

Why would there? No. Well, because it's sort of a bit, you know, it's a bit weird. Why is it weird, Carl? It's the prude amongst us. No, this is not from me, but I would be surprised if there was a show on TV called Big Pussy. I'm not on TV. Yeah.

Clearly. That is a fucking thing. There is like an old thing where you hear comedy writers talk about where they'll put... Hang on, hang on, hang on. Cancer's explaining what a pussy is to his guy. Oh, my God. You hear comedy writers talk about they'll put stuff in a show

that they know the censors are going to pick up on And take out As like a bit of a distraction From the stuff that they really want to keep in So you should have registered your show as Big Eyes Big Mutt And then they go You can't register that

And then you go And you can't spell it You can't spell Mutt How do you spell Mutt? M U with an umlaut T Alright yeah

Exactly yeah Yeah That's correct You were reading while you were on Exactly, yeah. That's correct. You were reading while you were on that trip. Yeah, yeah. That's all I read. I love that whole journey. I bought one of those at Ikea, actually.

I'd like to think your whole journey around Tasmania is you figuring out how to spell mut. Just busting out a big blackboard in a tent every night. A beautiful mind style Hey you last time we had you on We got shocked because we were talking the whole time And you didn't say anything And then you came out with some fucking blockbuster stories at the end Because you used to

What did you used to do You used to work back Like behind the scenes on TV shows On like Australian Idol Yeah Australian Idol Like fucking Yeah That era That era shit work back like behind the scenes on tv shows on like australian idol yeah so like fucking yeah that era that era shit never worked on a show i was proud of right but that era reality tv never saw a frame of any of them but i worked on them right yeah yeah bad news you're like a shit kicker backstage bad time yeah yeah so last time we talked to you in newcastle you were talking

about working for kyle sandlins and what you took his car out for a drive and then you just ran all red lights and shit like that. Yeah, yeah. Took it on CityLink. I got fucking lost actually in his high car. Right. Yeah, whatever. If any of you had these sort of jobs,

you'd do the same thing. But those... They were fucking awful people. Like all of them. All of them? The contestants Name names I don't know

All the contestants Of Australian Idol All the Couldn't tell you But I had to drive These fuckwits around In a bus Sort of thing

You take them out To like Westmead Hospital And get them to hug Sick kids and shit And Did you get a hug For camera

Yeah Could have done How will I know These guys had it For more than Fucking two minutes So Yeah But I'll be like Hey Carl Back off alright Could have done How will I know These guys had it For more than Fucking two minutes So yeah

But I'll be like Hey Carl Back off alright I'd say to them Look don't smoke cigarettes All morning Because these kids Are real sick

They don't need to Smell some smoky fuck But they all smoke Cigarettes anyway I was angry at them From the start And then they stay all day You know

Hugging kids and shit And you drive them home And one of them Lit up a cigarette In the bus I was like you know what I'd pull over And and you drive them home, and one of them lit up a cigarette in the bus. I was like, you know what? I'd pull over and just go, you know, whoever's smoking, get out of the bus and finish your cigarette.

And he got out of the bus, and I just fucking drove off. And then... It's just literally forest. This is like an Australian Idol contestant that you did that to. Oh, yeah, like a top 12. Was it Shannon O? No, it wasn't. No, it wasn't Shannon O. I don't no it wasn't Shannon O I don't remember that

but I don't know who it was some fuckwit and then I drove off and just rang my boss and they were all really silent after that they shut the fuck up

and I was like you know what I've just let this you eliminated one on the bus I rang my boss and said this is what I've done

you can sack me if you want but I'm not fucking going back he's that's it it's over he's staying out somewhere some fucking Parramatta suburb I rang my boss and said, this is what I've done. You can sack me if you want, but I'm not fucking going back. That's it. It's over. He's staying out somewhere, some fucking Parramatta suburb. He's got to find his own way back. He was doing a Luke Heggy.

All of a sudden, he had to pitch a tent on the side of a fucking road somewhere. He comes across Ivan Milat, and he's like, finally, someone with personality. Bit of banter with Ivan. Someone's got a house. The last bloke that was driving me Yuck Yeah I'm pleased he's got a roof Above his head

That bloke I told him I'd done this And You can sack me if you want I didn't lose my job So I'm fucking on here And just started doing What I wanted

After that Yeah This other contestant She leaned across While I was driving the van She leaned across me While I was driving And fucking spat she leaned across me while I was driving and fucking spat out the window.

Like pretty much. So she was in the passenger seat. That's it. Didn't use her own window. Well, there was three seats across the front. So didn't use the window across the other. Just used one. Anyway.

Right. Every week I'd have to send out. It was my job to send out prizes to the fuckers who still left. So like when it's down to six or something they get a microwave. It was LG or something. Oh, so if someone got voted out, if someone got voted out, you had to send them some sort of consolation prize.

No, the people who left, they get like a microwave then a ghetto blaster, then a fucking whatever. Oh, the further you go, the further you hang around, you get another gift. Better gift. Right, okay. God, I'm enjoying reheating these meals. You know what would go well with this? Some music.

Thank God I made it to the next round. It was down to like two people and they got this television the size of this fucking stage, man. Like massive TV, the two people. Right. And she was one of the ones left. I was like, fuck this. I took the remote and just kept it at my house.

I sent her the telly without the remote and the charger and everything. I kept that. And I actually put it on the back of my front door so that every time I walked out of the house, I was like, oh, I'm fucking not looking forward to going to work today, but it's fine, I've done this. Job done. She had like a fucking Two metre television

With no remote Or fucking power cord At her house That's amazing that Emre Cano Can not watch TV At any stage Was she on that show?

Some stage I didn't drive her around If that's what you're trying to think Great alibi It was someone else I don't know Whoever it was Right

Fuck them Fucked up. They sound disgusting. Yeah, they were. They were gross. She was a fucking fuckhead. Whoever this... I don't even remember her name,

but she was an awful person and they all worked. You've got some good stories about these people making your life difficult. You told me a good one just off stage before about you making

someone else's life a bit difficult. Oh, the plumber? Yeah. Yeah, right. I mean, I had a plumber turn up at my house, right, and who hasn't? But it's sort of... God, we can't shut this cunt up anymore.

Oh, sorry. No, no, no. Please. I've got to check before you start. Was he a fucking fuckhead? I'm sorry, I haven't read as much as you. I don't know as many great descriptive terms. As the great Leo Tolstoy once said,

what a fucking fuckhead. This guy's a reader. I've backed the toilet up at my place again and this plumber turned up. He's like mid-50s. Been in the game forever clearly he's fat you know factory man but he's in the game abandoned his dreams years ago like sort of

you know clearly he'd been a plumber a long time and he walked into my bathroom first thing he said was jesus christ oh no that is quite special what i've done here. That is amazing. I rang him a few months later. Is that why you did a lap of Tasmania? Just because you're using plumbing? I've done all the mainland toilets. I've finished them. You have to shit on the street from now on.

I've clocked the mainland. Time for the bonus level. The Greeks invented the plumbing and they're like, you're banned. You're not allowed to use what we invented anymore. I didn't think about that. Does that mean there was at one point a ring of your shit around Tasmania as you were traveling around?

Yeah. That's where the map of Tassie comes from. But yeah, it was... Anyway, it was a bad time. And I don't know... Look, I rang the same company a few months later when it happened again. Right. Clearly.

And he didn't work there anymore. Hang on. So you asked for him? Well, yes. Bring me the last guy. Yeah, I just wanted to see what he said. Like an old cop movie? Just puts a cigarette out and goes, I'm too old for this shit.

PTSD. Have my gun and my badge. It's the idea of him driving out to yours. God, my life's boring. You know, I've done this for this shit. Have my gun and my badge. It's the idea of him driving out to yours. God, my life's boring. You know, I've done this for 30 years. I've seen it all. Nothing shocks me anymore.

Little did he know when he walked into your bathroom, he was going to let out a Jesus Christ. Three days from retirement. What do you put in your diet that makes you shock a veteran of plumbing of 40 years? I don't know, but I did it. I mean, I'd like to say I'm not proud, but I am. That's an embarrassment, but it's an achievement as well. We're going to dinner later.

I'm keen to take some notes on what you ate tonight. Okay. I don't know, Heggie's eating the car park again. It's all that gravel. That's what's done it to him. Well, Carl, do you want to do this? We were talking

about Sonia's title for her festival show. Oh, yeah. And you're talking about how it's time everyone's

currently working on that. Pretty much everyone has their titles locked in. Well, everything got locked in a

week ago with the comedy festival. You had to hand everything in, all your info, all your name, your

description, your times, your everything. Yeah. I didn't do any of that. So we've currently got Sonia Di Iorio, Big Eyes, Big Pussy

for 2020. Nick Cody, what do you got? Dad bod. Yep. Nick Cody, dad bod. Yep. As that chair proves. Luke Heggy, what do you got? Oh, mine's called, everyone's a fuckwit except me. Wow.

Again, I expected nothing less from this learned individual. Yeah. I thought that was just the content of the show. I didn't know you knew how to fucking condense it into a fucking five or six words. Wow. It makes big pussy look safe. Very nice. That's fine. Mine's called Meatball. So, Carl, what's yours called? Wow, it makes big pussy look safe.

Mine's called Meatball. So, Carl, what's yours called? I didn't give him a title, but I spent some time on the plane today. Okay. Writing some. Okay. So we can go through and we can vote. Yeah, you can punch it up or something.

Wow. Yeah. I don't know. Looking at the notes. That's how you stand up. He's looking at the notes. Yeah, or you can punch it up or something. Wow. Yeah. I don't know. Looking at the notes. That's, yeah, I've got... That's how you stand up. He's looking at the notes. Yeah, exactly. The old Bell Gibson of comedy.

There we go. In that I don't really have comedy. There's no comedy. I faked all my comedy. Funny remission. I had comedy for three weeks. All right. Fuck, what have I got?

Oh, no. All right. I've got... See, this is what I like. I just don't think... I don't want to be in the guide this late. I actually like this one. Well, well, well, if it isn't Carl Chandler.

Needs more pussy. Well, it's got a big cunt in it, if that helps. Fuck, what about this one? Carl Chandler's the name, Boggle is a game. Oh, my God. Oh, no. No? No, it's got to go.

All right, not that one one I think you'd get Big Boggle fans Turning out And you'd hate that And you wouldn't be able To deliver People would think You're going to be playing

Boggle on stage Which could work Well I like some Muscular references What about this one Everyone's got like Netflix specials Carl Chandler's

All Star special That's good That's pretty good That's pretty good Alright Alright Carl Chandler 58 minutes of technically comedy

58 minutes is a bit cool Yeah Comedy's a bit cool Fuck What else have I got Carl Chandler And if you don't like it You can get out

Save that for in the show, I reckon. You'll be saying that after every joke. All right, what about this? Carl Chandler, please. Mr Comedy was my father. I like that. That's good. That's good.

That an odd star of the leaders for me. All right, okay. Fuck, I'm getting no one coming to my show this year with a title like that. Fuck, all right. I've got many. There's a lot of shit here. Like, that was the best.

We'll do, like, maybe two more. Carl Chandler by day, Mr Comedy by night? No. The law of diminishing returns. What about Carl Chandler? I'm to comedy what Michael Schumacher is to skiing. I like this one. Carl Chandler must be nice.

I like that. I like that a lot. All right, one more. How big's your ego that you've got fucking like 30 options? That's not ego. It's like I just keep going until I get a half decent one, and that's why I had to keep going. All right.

Fuck, all right. What else? What else? How many do you reckon is on the long list? I honestly don't know Two so far I honestly don't think those two are usable I don't know

The Ozstar one's good Mr Comedy Was My Father is good I liked Well Well Well if it isn't Carl Chandler I liked that one too But I don't like being so far back in the guide Like under W It goes under K you you stupid cunt. You know Miss Carl.

It goes by name. Yeah, but you don't go Carl Chandler. Well, well, well, if it isn't Carl Chandler, they're going to fucking just turn it in. But I also think that dodgy formatting kind of makes it better because it's so off. All right. So you do have a big ego.

Oh, I'm too far back in the guide. No, it's more like literally I'll be next to Will Anderson and it's like, well, who's going to go I'll be next to Will Anderson and it's like well who's gonna go to fucking mine next to his so who's gonna go to yours anyway

fuck they go to his and he's W there we go there we go have any of you losers ever had like a I'm turning

30 and I'm scared oh yeah adulting is hard yeah oh there's a good name there. Oh yeah, adulting is hard. There's a good name. There you go Chandler. Adulting is hard. A 43 year old.

Being an adult is hard. Carl Chandler, I'm not weddy to grow up. Yeah, yeah. Weddy. What about a big chin, big cock? Nice. And just so it really tracks, because it's a reference to another thing in the guide,

you call it, Sonia D'Orio presents Carl Chandler in Big Chin, Big Cock. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a prequel. Yeah, fuck. Collect them all. All right. The only one else I had one that was worth reading out, this fucking makes no sense,

but Carl Chandler's Sad Cow Disease Jesus I knew it would get something that's why I said it Even Danny McGinley would go fuck that's an old reference I think Ozstar Special Ozstar Special But also how many people in the room by round of applause don't remember what Ozstar special. Really? Ozstar special. Ascent on Ozstar. But also, how many people in the room, by round of applause, don't remember what Ozstar is?

They've still got it here. It's on... Yeah. Yeah. They've got that instead of Netflix here. So, you know. Right. Oh, I've turned them.

All right. I'll get on to the festival It's like just a reference That you guys will know And everyone else that doesn't listen to the podcast Will fucking hate it No one's going to come This is a good sample of the population

Did you have to explain Ostar to the cancer Did you have to explain Ostar to your guide dog Guide dog Did you know what Ostar is You do? Good boy. All right, all right. Well, maybe that's a good idea.

All right, all right. Can I get sued by Ostar? Is that a thing? That would be absolutely great. You'd be unlucky. You'd be very unlucky. Fucking Optus Vision's chasing me. Great publicity if you did.

Yeah. Channel of the you did. Yeah. Chandler v. Ozstar. Yeah, yeah. I love that, the idea of people in the city trying to sign up to Ozstar now that they've heard about it off the back of my comedy festival show. Yeah, you reignite them. Yeah. Yeah, you bring them back.

That is quite a hipster thing to do, would be to have Ozstar over. I'm not a fan of Netflix. I just love watching Old fucking Get Smarts I like having less options Yeah Alright well that's that Alright should we wrap it up? Is that it for another week?

Oh really? Is that all? Looks like it It feels like It feels like that's a bit shorter Well we're wrapping it up For the people that are listening But for everyone in here

It's like It's fucking beer time You know what I mean? It's It's six. Come on, that cancer guy's getting fucking tired. I know. Feels like that's short. Have you been timing this?

How long has this gone for? Well, you two indulgence did about fucking 40 minutes before we even got here. Yeah, well, it was going good. So shut up, idiot. Okay. Just trying to point out what time it is. If you don't like it, go and do another lap, cunt. Mate, you rode around Tasmania.

You're used to boring shit for ages. Yeah, mate, go and do another lap and think about what you've done. All right, all right. Well, that's funny. Let's finish. Goodbye. Get out on a high. I don't know what else we've got to talk about.

Have we got anything? We were leaning on Heggie pretty heavy there. Oh, were you? Yeah, that was good. I'm not a leaner. No, it was good. No, I was happy. Because usually, you know, you're a hard talker.

Bit of a? It's a bit of a hard talk with you sometimes. You know, you just come up here and go, well, this will magically happen. And then you go, have you got any weird stories? You're like, yeah, this one time I fucked the moon. You're like, where the fuck were you hiding that one? Well, you hide it behind all the cunts who are just yelling over the top of you all the fucking time. That's the best place to hide good stuff.

Excuse me. I wanted to react quicker, but that means he wins. Jesus Christ. All right. Carl Chandler, big pussy. All right, I get it. That's it. Don't steal my fucking time. Sorry.

All right. Carl Chandler, Colin. Tiny pussy. Sonia Di Iorio, big pussy. All right, Carl Chandler, big pussy. All right, I get it. That's it. Don't steal my fucking time. Sorry, all right. Carl Chandler, Colin. Tiny pussy. Sonia Di Iorio, big pussy. Yeah, all right. Carl Chandler, the world's smallest pussy. Carl Chandler, tight asshole. Oh, that's good.

Oh, it is. That's good. It is. That is great. That's good. You've heard of the micro penis. Well, I've got the micro asshole. Can we just all theme our shows around the sizes of the SNES

and the sizes of parts of our body? The sizes of our holes. Yeah, right. Okay. Just orifice-based titles. This 2020 is the year of how big our holes are. Right. A shotgun gaping anus.

Well, that's how to get a gaping anus, to be fair. I take tits on the biggest urethra. Oh, there goes my show. Big dick slit. I thought you were just going to rip off what I've been saying about you all these years. Luke Heggy, biggest cunt. Cody, what are you going with?

Big dick slit. I'm not fucking around here. I've got a child now. I've got to take things seriously. You've got to be back to back in the same venue. People can go one after the other. The urethra and the slit are different things. What, you never had the life ed van?

Come on, man. There's the dick hole, you never had the life ed van? Come on, man. There's the dick hole then there's the pipe. I had a metal rod put down there once because it stung when I peed and believe me,

I know the difference between the hole and the pipe. Harold, yeah, Harold told him. He got, yeah, Cody fucked Harold. Yeah, that's how he got it.

Oh God, we should go. Alright, I think we should go. Folks, give a big round him. Cody fucked Harold. That's how he got it. Oh God, we should go. I think we should go. Folks, give a big round of applause. Nick, Cody,

Sonny DiOrio, Luke Heggy. Thanks so much for coming out and we'll see you next time. See you next time. And they've done it again

That's cool That's catchy They've done it again Yeah you think there's something in that? T-H-I What? No I don't know T

What? They've done T-D T-H-I... What? No, find it while I'm done. T... What? They've done... T-D. T-D. T-D. Hang on. So, T-D-I-A, you thought it was T-H... T-H-I.

Something, I don't know. I heard T-H and I thought, don't tell me he's literally spelling out the entire phrase of they've done it again. T-D-I-A. We should open that instead of T-G-I-F. T-D-I-A. T-D-I-A. should open that Instead of T-G-I-F T-D-I-A T-D-I-A Yeah that's not bad

Yeah Because it's a similar T-G-I-F is a very Celebratory phrase Yeah Thank God it's Friday It's the weekend Much like they've done it again

And it also applies to like It's this great restaurant You go You order your favourite Off the menu They bring it out It's as great as it's always been Yeah

They've done it again And you can have steaks And go Can I have the they've well done it again? Oh, yep. Yep. Okay. Not the best way to enjoy steak. Well, no.

I wouldn't have thought so. But that is an option. It's open to everyone. Yeah. Yeah. They've mediumed it again. Yep. Yeah.

There's something in this. Yeah. Not something great, but something. There's something in this. Yeah. Not something great, but something. Someone mock up the TGI Friday's logo with a T. Fuck, now I'm going to do it.

TDI again. TDI again. TDI again. Yeah. TDI agains. Agains. Yeah. It belongs to TDI again. And so it's us.

We're dressed in little suits walking around, waiting on people. Do we have... Is there suits? I think I've been in one before. Aren't they in like little bow ties and vests and stuff like that? There's some kind of... Is it a concept? Something like that.

You know in the movie Office Space how Jennifer Aniston's character is always getting in trouble for not wearing enough flair? Oh, yes. Like the badges? Yes. I always thought that was based on TGI Fridays. Okay. Because it's kind of a similar

restaurant i think that's kind of a tgi fridays thing because there's all the bullshit all over the walls and stuff yeah there's all like the street signs and memorabilia stuff yeah yeah just like our restaurant will be in uh mirabara yeah so this is going to be in maria maribor tdia's is happening in there what was their idea the other week that we were going to open up the oh yeah Carl Chandler

the Carl Chandler themed restaurant yeah yeah Planet something oh Planet Maryborough Planet Maryborough so is it Planet Maryborough or is it

oh no it's you co-owning a restaurant with the Avalanches and Delover Dover yeah yeah Planet Maryborough Planet Maryborough yeah yeah

and then next door we have the other restaurant in town that you own TDIA TDIA agains TDIA agains yeah yeah okay Planet Maryborough. Yeah, yeah. And then next door, we have the other restaurant in town that you're on. TDIA. TDIA. Agains. TDIA.

TDIA. Agains. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. If we sound a little sketchy, it's because we've just gotten back from a big night in Hobart. Yeah.

Doing the episode that you just heard. But that is a great idea to have two, to make up two themed restaurants about yourselves. Yeah. Two different ones. And to have them operating in a very small town. Yes. Just great. That all came off the back a couple of weeks ago of the, I've continued to talk about my

excitement about a Thai restaurant opening in Maribor. It has now officially opened, if you've kept your eye on the socials of ourselves or of General Maribor News. Didn't it, wasn't there one point where it was like opening in, it had a sign saying coming in September or whatever? Yes. And this was like deep into November that it still said that. Most conversations with my mother touch upon this subject at some point.

Great. Yep. Because she'll be like, but they had a sign saying opening in September. I'll tell you what, they're taking their time. There's a lot to like there for a mother in terms of conversation. It's got everything. Local gossip, a bit of speculation about what could be taking them so long. Also, you know, a good drive-by.

That's a good thing. Good drive-by. You're going down the street and you're just, yeah, we had a look, but you couldn't see much. Yeah. Okay, that's good. And key to a conversation with a mother, it's a topic that no one really gives a fuck about in any way. But it's like what passes for news up there.

So, yeah, but the thing is I got the scoop on it, which is cool because, you know, because I'm online and she's not. So when I'm up online, oh, it's open. I got to ring mum and go, guess what? The Thai restaurant is open. I've got the scoop on your town. Interesting move. I got to ring mum and go, guess what? The Thai restaurant is open. I've got the scoop on your town. Interesting move.

You didn't consider maybe just like pretend that you don't know that and let her have the win? Let her do the drive-by. You know, think of how excited she would have been to call you and let you know. Carl, guess what? It's open. Yeah. And then you could have played dumb and gone, wow, mum,

this is – I had no idea. This is so exciting. I don't think it would really work like that. My mum's not hooked up like that. Right. She'd be like, oh, who cares? She's like, oh, cool. Right.

Yeah, oh, great. I'm glad it's finally open. Yep. So now I get to, they haven't been yet. They haven't been, so I'm pushing for that. Are they waiting for you? No, no, no. You just want them to go and then get them all right up a review or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want the report okay i might i'll i don't know i don't know about a written review because i don't know how i wonder if i could get my mom to write a review and then send it in the mail because she doesn't doesn't have email it doesn't have email right yeah get it posted to you yeah maybe i can do that i'll see how i go i'll see if I can get her to do it. Okay. Yeah. A proper critique. But I do have a critique so far. A listener has hit me up already to go, they've been. Really?

And it's really good. Oh, okay. Interesting. Yeah. So now we can line this up against what your parents think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So in an ideal world, your parents hate it. And then you get to come in as the third judge.

Right. The adjudicator. Oh, like to split the difference. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, look. It's going to be a tough one because I've got – I haven't got too many plans of going to Maribor soon. So maybe I should. Maybe we should go.

Maybe we should – is that the next Paper John episode maybe? I don't know. Should we do that? The restaurant in Maribor soon. So maybe I should. Maybe we should go. Maybe we should... Is that the next Papertron episode maybe? I don't know. Should we do that? Go out to the Thai restaurant in Maribor? Yeah. That's not a bad one. Yeah.

It's a long day. I know. It's a long way to go for one meal, but we get content out of it, I guess. But also, it's only a long day. I wonder if they even do lunches. Oh, good point. It might be just a bit of a night time deal. Yeah.

Oh, fuck. Well, that's a big ask. Yeah. But we could do it. Early evening. If we do it, I'd have to insist that you don't make it one of these things where you go, oh, we've got to have lots of stops up on the way. Right.

So we drive out for Thai and then by the time we get to Thai, we've had eight pies and four Parma rolls. I'll do my best. I'll do my best. I'll try. I don't want to be putting away a fucking yellow curry off the back of, you know, four different regional town visits. Yeah, look, that's a good request. That's fair.

You can hold me to that. That's fine. Yeah. Speaking of which, though, I think I told you this the other day. I'm going to Ballarat next weekend. Oh, why? I'm going to swing past Kyneton. Oh, yeah?

I'm going to go back to that famous bakery that we went to for a Patreon episode. Okay. Yeah. What are you going to Ballarat for? I'm going to swing past Kyneton. Oh, yeah? And go back to that famous bakery that we went to for a Patreon episode. Okay. Yeah. What are you going to Ballarat for? I'm going for a music festival. Oh. I'm driving my friend to a music festival. Oh, okay.

Yeah, and hanging out with him while he plays for 12 hours straight. Oh, really? Yeah. I had some baked goods this morning in the Hobart Airport. Oh, really? Whatever that... I mean, look, as soon as I say a bakery bit in the Hobart Airport. Oh, really? Whatever that... I mean, look, as soon as I say a bakery bit in the Hobart Airport, there's only one of them in there.

So whatever that one was, it's pretty good. Not bad. Okay. I was pretty happy with it. I got some udon noodles in a broth, and the only utensils they had were an incredibly tiny spoon that was taking me so long to scoop out the broth that I thought, I'm a genuine chance of missing my flight

because of how long it's taking me to get through this fucking soup with this insect, like a little teaspoon. That was all that was on offer. I was a little bit like that as well. I was last on the plane. I got the call over the loudspeakers. You love it. Yeah, but I don't.

I mean, that's always my aim, to be last person on the plane, but I don't usually leave it. I don't usually get sequestered. I don't usually get my name read out through the airport. You've had it before, but it's been a long time between drinks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what about the new – do you get this – I mean, you flew a different airline to me today, but is this a brand new thing that everyone's using or is this just a thing that's passed me by? There's no steep wheel out stairs anymore.

It's the zigzag approach. I saw them the other day coming back from the Gold Coast, but they haven't had them on a flight that I've been on. Right. Is that an accessibility thing that they're slowly wheeling out part of the time? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because it can't be based on airline because it's just they've got them at the airport, right?

Yeah, but I'm sure they're not. I'm sure they're owned by the airlines. Yeah. It's not just a, well, we paid this much to be at the airport so we can just use the airport stuff. I'm pretty sure they'd own their own stuff. Okay. Yeah. So, well, maybe it gives a hint to the listeners who I was flying and who you were flying if I used it and you didn't.

Yeah, you're on the one that needs extra accessibility. Yeah, I was on a really, really tall aeroplane. The steps were too steep. Yep. Yep. But thank you to everyone Who came out to this show In Hobart Yes

Sold out Great afternoon Our first time down there And yeah Well worth the visit Excellent times I hope you guys Enjoy the episode

Home Thank you very much To all the people From Hobart that came Thanks to all the people From interstate who came Thanks to all the people From surrounding areas

Around Hobart Yep That came People doing the Launceston drive Yeah thank you very much people from interstate who came thanks to all the people from surrounding areas uh around oba yeah that came um people doing the lanceston drive yeah thank you very much to stewart bell for all his help uh who does if you are down or in tasmania he runs a fine gig uh in lanceston so go along to that yep um what's it called in the clubhouse comedy yeah something like that once a month lanceston anyway there's only one surely there's Clubhouse Comedy? Yeah. Is that what it's called? Something like that. It's a once a month. It's Launceston anyway. There's only one. Surely there's only one gig in Launceston.

Yeah. That's always got good names anyway. Yeah. Friends of the show down there pretty regularly. Yeah, exactly. So get along to that. Stuart's a very nice man who helped us out plenty with this. Did a lot for us.

Yeah. Great. Very much appreciated. Classic us doing a show somewhere for the first time where you get to the end and i don't know if you had this experience but i certainly had plenty of them last night you chat to people who very excited that you've finally managed to visit their town and they could just travel down the road to see you yep oh thanks so much for coming boys so great to be able to see you here in town

and then immediately follow up when are you coming back right yeah fucking hell yeah yeah oh no i'm you know that's fine i'm up for it but it's just like yeah yeah i mean as if i know the i'm like we'll probably yeah this is worthwhile we'll probably come back if if we could do that next year the same same numbers, if not more. Yep. Be more than happy to come down. So this is officially the last live show for us for 2019. Yeah. Until we're back in Melbourne. Until we make the big trip back there again.

Until we make the trip back over to the mainland. Yes. Because we are recording this from Tasmania and we are going to stay down there until the next time we have to travel for a live show. Yeah. We're not. We're not there. Nah, just kidding.

We came back. It was a bit of a joke there. So, this year, what did we have? We had Brisbane, Canberra, Melbourne, Serbia, London, Koh Samui, Copenhagen, Sydney, Gold Coast, Perth, Gold Coast, and another little Melbourne one,

another Melbourne one, and Hobart. I think this might be, I was thinking about this today, and I haven't verified this, but I believe this to be true. Is this the most new places we've done shows in in a year? Well, maybe.

All the most different places in a year. And all the most different places yeah yeah and we still didn't do adelaide but what do we have where do we go for the first time this year we had gold coast hobart serbia london uh can't no we've done camera before so that's four that's a lot of new ones yeah that's a lot of new there's a lot of new ones. Yeah, that's a lot of new ones. That's a lot of new locations. Yeah. Generally, each year we might, you know, we might get one new place in the mix. Yeah, one or two or something. But yeah, yeah. No, that's heaps. Yeah.

And like I said, that might be the most different places we've been to as well in the one calendar year. Yeah. And I believe pretty much all of them sold out except for maybe Brisbane and Serbia. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, Brisbane didn't sell out because we didn't have any chairs. Yeah, yeah. I reckon – oh, no, I just said this will be the –

that's the last one until we go back to Melbourne. We will try and fit a Brisbane one in. We haven't planned it yet. Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, we'll try and do a Brisbane one in Feb, March. Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, when we usually do them.

So, it's no, you know, no big news alert. But, yeah, Brisbane, we'd love to come back and see you. Always good. Yeah. See the people who travelled up to the Gold Coast from Brisbane. If you can just stay where you are this time. And we will get seats this time. Yes. I'm going to promise that. Lesson learned. Yeah. We And we will get seats this time. Yes.

I'm going to promise that. Lesson learned. Yeah. We know we can't get away with that now, so all right. Fun little experiment. Yeah. But not worth doing again. No.

So we're going to have to fucking... Ah, the perennial question. Where do we do a gig in Hobart? Yeah. I mean, in Brisbane. Fun to fire that up again. Fucking pain in the ass. Yeah. Love Brisbane. Painful to find a venue. Yep. I mean, in Brisbane. Fun to fire that up again. Fucking pain in the ass. Yep.

Love Brisbane. Painful to find a venue. Yes. That's not trying to absolutely anally fleece us. Yeah, we had a good run there for a bit, and then that place became too small, and then, yeah, so on and so forth. Yeah.

But, yeah, we'll get working on it. Yeah. But feel free to send us suggestions of which you know nothing really about that oh you should go to this hotel well we know for a fact that's a fucking three-seater hotel yes what about fucking the mcg but in brisbane yeah the gabba no hey why don't you just find a venue that's like the right size for you and doesn't cost anything and just do it there yeah okay that's a good idea thanks for the email can't wait can't wait for a great week of the inbox just absolutely exploding with these half-baked ideas yeah um if you do know of a venue that seats i don't know what 200 or so um and it's not gonna fuck us over in fee high fees

and is it actual cool place i mean i know brisbane's not that big that they're just so many hidden places like that. Yeah. I guess we probably know the answer already. We're probably just going to have to go back through places we know and figure out which one it is. But if anyone's got any leads or any great ideas. Yeah. Look, they're generally got to be – the thing about these things is they've got to be pubs or – you can't use theaters.

Because theaters – here's the trick that Dave O'Neill taught me years ago. Theaters survive on rental fees. Yep. Pubs survive on beer purchase. So you go to a theater, they want a lot of money. Yep. You go to a pub, roughly, they just want a lot of people to be in there drinking. Yep.

So that's why we try and do shows in pubs. The only thing is we sort of – in some cities, we are too big for that to happen. Yes. And Brisbane's probably getting – probably at that stage. Well, that's the exact problem that we've had. Yeah. Yeah. So that's the little bit where the rock and the hard place we're between at the moment.

Yeah. Anyway, that's something – love Brisbane, so looking forward to doing that. So we'll get on to that. Of course, we've got the 500th episode coming up. Sales are still trickling along now we had some massive sales to start with

and now it's getting back to reality and we're just getting you know a few every day a bit more flaccid yes still a bit semi

yep not completely we've got look there's life in the old girl yet we've got five months to go so I'm not expecting 100 tickets

a day I'm edging myself I'm just yeah yeah but no day. I'm edging myself. But no, getting excited. We're still talking about plans. We're going to have an after party, like we've said. I think someone asked you in the week, so just to confirm, yes, you can't just come to the after party. There is no drunk cast. During the

Comedy Festival this year, it's going to be an after party drunk casting after the 500th episode. So that's what we'll be doing. We'll be putting on a couple of pre-500th episode shows. I guess they will end up maybe being the 498 and 499 maybe. Yeah. Something like that. Yep.

They'll be on sale soon-ish. Yep. It's a bit of a dry run just to get ready for this 500th. They'll just be dress rehearsals really. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like how you can go to a big musical in the first couple of weeks and it's significantly cheaper. Yeah, it's going to be the 500th

off-Broadway. Yeah, that's a good angle, our dress rehearsal for the 500th. Two trial shows for the 500th. Just get them right. Not just practice them, release them as episodes every week as well. Oh, yeah, totally. Yeah. People like to hear the process.

Yeah. So, yeah, get onto that. LittleDumbDumbClub.com is where you can get your tickets for the big 500th episode. Thanks to everyone in Melbourne who came out to the opening of my exhibition. This Wednesday just gone. Thank you to you, Carl, for doing up – oh, sorry. Thank you for getting in touch with the mysterious unknown artist who put together the exhibition in the toilets. Yes.

Yeah, yeah. I know a friend of a friend of the mysterious urban artist called Wanksy. People don't know this about you, but you've got pretty significant connections in the underground art world. Yes. As a favour to me, you don't like to bother these people. You like to keep these two worlds separate. But as a favour to me...

Well, you know what I like. I don't like to brag that I know people. I don't know if I've ever told you about the Avalanches. But, yeah, but look, I know this is a new one, but I do know someone who knows Wanksy. So I got in touch. It was pretty impressive stuff. Yep.

Anyone who was there on the night, well, that's where it's going to stay. Yeah. That's the beauty of it. It's never going to appear online. Yep. It's never going to be seen anywhere else. Has it been taken down yet?

You know what's funny? I was actually in there today and it was still up. Okay. Maybe we'll talk about this next week on a proper episode or something. Okay. But yes, you did have a big opening night party. Thanks to everyone who came along. And it's still open until Sunday, December the 1st is the last day of it.

So it's open, what, by the time this is out, there'll be, what, four, five more days for you to go see it. Right. And yeah, plenty of stuff for sale. The rest of it will be online pretty soon. But, yeah, thanks to everyone who came down and bought stuff. It was a fun night. But, yeah, there's a few things about it that we'll talk about

on a proper episode in coming weeks. Let's not waste it here when we've got gold coming up. True. And also thank you to everyone who continues to subscribe or has just started subscribing to our Patreon account, patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. It keeps the lights on in here. You're channeling vital funds to this piece of art that you listen to every week. It's much appreciated.

It makes this possible. Without it, we would not exist. We would kill ourselves. Yeah, that's true. We would cease to exist as people. So you think if we were not making any money from this podcast still at this point, we wouldn't stop doing it, we'd kill ourselves. If we were not getting any money at all and we were still trying to get people to come to a 500th episode

and people weren't coming, that would be the most depressing thing ever. And we've still booked the Athenaeum. Yeah. No evidence that there's anything like the demand. People do that. There are great stories of people booking huge theatres. Yeah, because, I mean, that's the thing. People sort of go, and, you know, this is taking the mystique away a little bit.

It's not like sometimes people go, oh, you're at the Athenaeum, what a get or whatever. It's like, no, no, no, we've hired it. Like anyone can do that. Yeah. I mean, the good no, we've hired it. Like anyone can do that. Yeah. I mean, the good thing is we've hired it because we are going to fill it. Yes. That's what's going to happen. But you don't need any special fucking certificate.

They don't give you a tap on the shoulder and go, hey, we reckon you're ready to do a show here. Hey, we're from the Athenaeum and we've been watching you for a while and we think we think you could give us thousands of dollars to hire what we own but do you think i wonder like say a theater like the athenaeum theater is a good example if i wonder how unscrupulous they would be if you were just some fuckhead off the street you just had a lot of money yep and so you get in touch with them and you go hey money's no object. I want the theatre. I'm prepared to pay.

I'm going to do my first ever stand-up gig at this theatre. I guarantee you. And I'll just have friends and family come along. You think... Guarantee you they would take it. Really? Yes. Do you think there would be any venues where they would go, we can't let you...

You know, I wonder if venues would find where they would feel like... Put it this way. If there is, I don't think the Athenaeum's one of them. I agree with that. That's why I all of a sudden thought maybe the Athenaeum's are bad. Somewhere like, let's say, maybe the Forum in Melbourne. I think they would be a bit more like, we just cannot in good conscience let you do that.

Yeah, I didn't feel like when I sort of did the work to hire the Athenaeum, I didn't feel like there was any background checking going on. Yeah, right. No, it was like, yep, okay, no problem. So, I, yeah, look, I'm sure people have done that before. I'm sure we may even know of some people that have done that before. Yeah, I know of, yeah, I can definitely think of a couple that have probably, you know, gotten somewhere a bit too big.

Yeah. But I mean just like literally someone who's got nothing. Yeah. A man off the street. Yeah. Anyway. Anyway, the point is the lights are on in here. We very much appreciate it.

Thank you to everyone who subscribes to the show on Patreon, gives us a little money every month. You get great rewards. You get a bonus magazine. You get a bonus episode. You also get your name read out and immortalized in the back end of an episode of Little Dum Dum Club. It's completely random. Who knows?

This could be your week listening at home. Yep. This could be your lucky name. Yep. Come up. All right. Let's start. Let's start.

Hit the big red button. Big red button on the unplanned title alternator just to keep it fair. Yep. Come up. All right, let's start. Let's start. Hit the big red button. Big red button on the Unplanned Title alternator just to keep it fair. Yep. Completely at random. Yep. Absolutely. Couldn't be more random. No.

You know what I think? I hit the 10th level 10 of randomness. Oh, you've got it cranked up? Yeah, right at the top. I don't usually crank it this high, but I thought you know what let's keep it completely it's i mean it's shaking and smoke's coming out of the side i don't think it can handle being this random oh yeah i know i know i usually got it down to six so yeah some of it's like that's not that random it's not that random yeah but i like things that are really random yeah i bet I bet. I bet you do. You're pretty kooky like that. I am a big time rando.

Yep. All right, here we go. The number one, the first absolutely most randomest name Yep. off the cab off the rank this week. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Wow.

Now this is a random name. Let's have it. This is what happens when you turn the randomness up to 10. I can't wait to hear what this thing is doing at full capacity. I've never had it up this high. I might actually have to turn it down soon after this. Oh, really?

I need to hear this. Look, we'll see how we go. We'll see how she holds. Do you think I'm going to be able to handle, even as a self-confessed rando lord, do you think I'm going to be able to handle how random this is? Well, look, this will be a good little toe in the water. self-confessed rando lord do you think i'm going to be able to handle how random this is well look this is this will be a good little toe in the water this will be the litmus test for the rest of the episode for how many we do this week because i'm not going to do 20 20 names as

random as this first one that's for sure yeah yeah god we're already tired from being in tasmania i know i can't handle that much randomness yep Yep. All right, here we go. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Luke Hockey. Fuck, that's really random. That is random, isn't it? That's as random as they come. That's so random. You've got a name. Because normally when we just have it set on six, the randomometer set to six, we get just a name.

Yeah. But this week it's gone up to ten. We've got a name and a sport. Exactly. Exactly. That is totally random because what's not random about that? Like we're expecting two names and we get one name and a sport. Fucking hell.

I mean, I was maybe thinking a name I'd never heard of before. That's how random I thought it was going to be. But I guess maybe that's just like eight or nine. Ten is where it just starts to branch into just whole other things. Just athletic activities. Yeah. Just combining two things you never thought in your wildest dreams you'd see together. A name and a physical activity.

A name and a sport. Yeah. Wow. And it is spelt. is the actual that's it lord almighty couldn't be look that's the one not that random thing about it is that it's spelled the spelling of it right it'd be spelled so it's it's uh you know it's got two k's in the name well what could be what could be random about it is maybe it's luke swimming but it's actually spelt H-O-C-K-E-Y. Now, that is random. That's random.

That's so random. The only more random name I could think of than Luke Hockey would be Luke Minky. You know Minky? Do you remember Minky? I don't know what that is. You don't know what Minky is? No. I think it was Hockey for Kids.

Oh, okay. I've got to look that up now. Minky. Yeah, Minky. Interesting. It was, you know, when like there was a stage where at school where it would be like, oh, well, you can't just expect kids to play these boring sports. You've got to make it cool.

You know, like putting the lanes in ten pin bowling, you know, so you're not just playing adult. Oh, yeah, bumper. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're not just a bunch of kids getting fucking gutter balls. Yes. Everything. Exactly.

There's actually a bit of... Minky is a modified form of field hockey designed for primary school children. And what's different about it? The name is derived from mini hockey. Okay. Minky. I've got to say, none of this is particularly random. But go on.

Not that you were claiming that. This is not coming out of the machine. No, I know. But I'm just saying, it's hard to not find this a bit dull, given that we were in uncharted random territory. And now I'm just hearing a fact about a sport. Yeah. But it's a fact about a sport you didn't know existed.

That's true. That's something. Hey, it's interesting. I never said you didn't know existed. That's true. So that's something. Hey, it's interesting. Yeah. I never said it wasn't interesting. Yeah. It's not random. You know what would be more random

is if I was just pretending to read this off my phone and this was all completely made up. That would be very random of you. But it's not. It's all completely true. So what's different about it?

Originated in Australia more than 20 years ago. It's completely comprised of people sticking hockey sticks up each other's arses. So, yeah. Okay, right. It's Mickey.

Yep. Again, not particularly random. I know. Saturday night around here. Boring bit of the show. Just a little bit of facts just to calm everyone down from the randomness. People asleep. People at home falling asleep.

Let's now get into the man himself luke hockey now let's get into him do you think he's in any way a random person uh that would be perfect if he's just as straight laced as they come well look i think he'd be he'd be a little bit random because you know growing up with a name like hockey i mean that's, that's going to inspire some absolute randomness, surely. Do you think he's a bit like, you know, people who grew up with, like, quite often you find very artistic, you know, hippie-ish kind of parents, then grow up to be very straight-laced, you know, they study law or whatever as a way of rebelling and vice versa. Do you think it's a bit of a thing where he just wants nothing to do with hockey? Oh, yeah, maybe.

Big soccer fan, maybe. Yeah. Big water polo fan, perhaps. Yeah, massive. I mean, well, look, you'd like to think sort of like how Don Bradman's son changed his name to just get away from it. Right. Yeah.

Right. He might be on the – or maybe his real name is Luke Soccer and he's so sick of it he's changed it to Hockey. He's too good at it. He's like, I need a break. I need to get away from it. I'm so sick of people coming up and saying to me, Luke Soccer, hey, mate, that's wrong what you did there.

You're acting a bit offside. Yes. Yes. Fuck this. I've got to get away from this name as far as i can change it to luke hockey what's the polar opposite of soccer the absolute opposite yeah what's a way what's a very similar sport but way more boring yeah luke hockey yeah never had any time for hockey i had a little bit of time for it but only in that it's basically soccer but not as good yeah so the basics of it i'm like

i appreciate the basics i have no interest in playing it or watching it but i appreciate the concept it's rare that you meet anyone certainly in this country that is into it you know a lot of people are into basketball yeah heaps of people are into like american sports and stuff but you never really hear of anyone getting to even nfl you never hear of anyone basketball's made a really big comeback hasn't it sort of like people are really into it now people are super into it really hear of anyone getting two even nfl you never hear of anyone basketball's made a really big comeback hasn't it sort of like people are really into it now people are super into it in the last like it feels like even three three to five years yeah people have really started jumping on yeah i remember like yeah like when jordan was when michael jordan was around it was like people

were like fanatically into it and then it did drop drop off in popularity in Australia for sure, didn't it? After that, basically. I guess maybe it did. I don't know. I mean, it's hard to know how much of it is just the people that I personally know that are into it and have been into it for a long time. Well, I think the availability of it on TV is a big thing as well. Because back then it was like the soccer in terms of you could watch maybe one game a week.

Yeah. And that was it. Yeah. So now you can watch whatever you want all the time. Everyone's got a password. Yeah. All right. Well, thanks, Luke.

Thanks, Luke. All right. That's – yeah, God. Let's just – What are you going to do? Are you going to – I'll just knock it back a level. I'm drained.

We're going to go down to nine? We're just – you know, we're filling up the Masturbatorium with level. I'm drained. We're going to go down to nine? We're filling up the masturbatorium with smoke. Yeah. So let's... I don't want to push my luck. Surprising the smoke alarm hasn't gone off yet. Yeah, exactly. You should turn that up to ten.

Maybe you can detect some fucking smoke. You've got it down to minus one at the moment. Yeah, it's a pretty random smoke detector though. Sometimes it goes, no, I'm just going to let this one slide. Your smoke detector's turned down to minus one, which means it's actively ignoring smoke. Right.

It's not even on zero. Wouldn't minus one, then wouldn't it start generating smoke of its own? Oh, yeah, right. If it was working in reverse, it would stop the tech. Yes. Right. That's absolutely minus one on the smoke detector. Making its own and ignoring it.

Yeah. Looking the other way. Yeah. Okay, thank you to Patreon subscriber Logan Hunter. Are you sure you turned this down? I turned it down a little bit. Wow. Not too much, but yeah.

Well, this is, again, this is a name. It's a random name. And Hunter, it's an occupation. It's not a sport, but it's a... Not an occupation. I wonder what his ancestors did. Yeah. What do you think?

Professional hockey players. Right. Okay. Yeah. Nice. Is this like Dog the Bounty Hunter? This is like Dog the Logan Hunter. Right.

Yeah, it could be a bounty hunter That would be cool I wonder if we have any I wonder if we have any Bounty hunters Who listen to the pod I would Any hitmen

Any assassins Anyone that's We've Any contract Anyone from the broader Contract killer family I think we've talked Have we talked about that before

If you've ever killed a man Let us know We did We did a shout out Sort of I think semi reluctantly yeah like we were interested but also it was like do we really want to know this yeah and we never heard anything uh certainly doesn't mean that they're not out there it just means

they didn't want to get in touch perhaps for good reason yeah um i think we heard from people who'd been in jail oh yeah yeah yeah yep yep Logan Hunter yeah it's a it's a speaking of the NBA that's a very American name isn't it

don't you think Logan Hunter Logan Hunter yep that's a this guy belongs in a frat house or something big time

don't you think he might be American he's initiating someone or something is that what you call it not initiating them yeah what do you call it? Not initiating them. Yeah, what do you call it? He's getting people to pledge to his house.

Yeah. Kappa Delta fuckhead. Yes. Yeah. Few paddles. Or just Kappa fuckhead. That sounds about right. Few wooden paddles on the buttocks.

Yep. That kind of thing. How would you go in a frat house? How would I go? How would you go? I've never really understood. I never really, you know, you always see that in TV shows and hear about it in American culture, but I'm not quite, never quite got my head around how that worked.

What exactly it is. Yeah. And why you need to be part of anything. Yeah. It's a, I don't know. It's a, I guess just a club. It's like a community group. Right. I can understand like, you know, if there's one where like the best parties always are or whatever.

I can kind of, yeah, I don't really know a great deal about it. But you definitely don't, you don't have to be part of one of these houses. You can just go to university and learn stuff and go home. Yeah, but, because that's the thing. So, you, in the States, it's way more common that people go and live on campus. Right. Pretty much everyone goes and like stays there. Yeah.

But so I always – so with a frat, you live in the frat, right? But you – but yeah, you can – I don't know. Yeah. I can't even be fucked speculating. I have absolutely no concept of it whatsoever. Yeah. Other than what I've seen in a handful of American movies. What are the good frat movies?

Animal House? Never seen it. You've never seen Animal House? No. Wow. Yeah, I should. That's shocking. Yeah.

No. I thought that would have been right in your wheelhouse. No, not really. No, not at all. I think anything like that of that era was a bit too, I was a bit too young for and I just never bothered to catch up on it. Yeah, okay. You know, stuff like, I don't think I've ever watched the whole thing of Caddyshack.

Like, people were obsessed with Caddyshack back then. Yeah. But I never really watched it. Yeah, a lot of that stuff I just didn't bother with. Just passed you by. Yeah. I came to it pretty late and I remember liking it. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Caddyshack? No, not Caddyshack. Animal House. Oh, Animal House. Animal House. Right, right. Yeah. I should go, yeah, maybe I remember liking it oh yeah yeah Caddyshack no not Caddyshack Animal House oh Animal House right I should go yeah maybe I should go in on it

what's a frat movie that you like I can't think of anything except for is this frat I don't know Back to School with Rodney Dangerfield

hmm yeah probably he had his own frat I'm pretty sure I think I'm more just thinking of like college movies As an umbrella So that's fair Yeah, I don't know

I don't think I've watched too many college movies You know what I want to re-watch that I haven't seen in so long But I loved when I was younger Dead Man on Campus We talked about this film before Never seen it It's like a What would it be?

Like early 2000s and it's a guy who is really doing, I think you'll be interested in the plot of it. Doing really poorly at college, he's about to drop out and then he finds out that there's a rule in the charter of the college that if your roommate commits suicide, you get straight A's for the rest of the semester. So then him and his friend try and find people at the uni

who are suicidal and get them to move in and then just push them over the edge so that they kill themselves and then they'll get straight A's. Wow. Yeah. Who's got in it? No one known, I don't think. Dead man on campus. Yeah, I'll look it up.

I'm interested. I'll look it up. I'm interested. I'll look it up now. I have no idea if it holds up, but yeah, me and my friend, it was one of our favourite movies when we were kids. Yeah, right. So there's like, you know, they get a guy who they think is a lock, doesn't pan out. It's just like a series of people who move in who it doesn't pan out.

Hope there's a happy ending and someone kills themselves. It's a great movie, though. Dead Man. Just Dead Man. I don't know it. Don't know it? Jim Jarmusch. Johnny Depp is in the lead role.

And Neil Young does the soundtrack. And it's an excellent soundtrack. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's really good. It's a bit spooky. It's in the cowboy era. It's really worth a watch. I really like it.

I'd go back in. I bought the soundtrack. How long? How recent? I think that's about 90. Off the top of my head, I reckon it'd be 96. Okay. Maybe. All right, I'll give it a go. Yeah. Yeah, chase it up. It's about 90. Off the top of my head, I reckon it'd be 96. Okay. Maybe.

All right, I'll give it a go. Yeah. Yeah, chase it up. It's really good. I really liked it. Let's do a Dead Man film festival. Please. Back to back.

Yeah, all right. Dead Man and Dead Man on campus. Let's try and get some time, and I'll watch Dead Man, and you watch Dead Man on campus. Okay. And then we'll report back. Great. And we'll try and work out which is the superior movie. Finally, which of the Deadman movies is best.

Thanks, Logan. Thanks, Logan Hunter. Thank you to Patreon. Let's just knock this back a level. All right. Down to eight? Yeah. Let's knock it down even.

It's deafening me a little bit. Yeah. I'm working. I'm having to hit the big red button, so it's obviously close to me. Yeah. It's making it a little bit hard for me to hear what you're saying. I can't see you from all the smoke in here. Yeah.

Well, now you understand why I'm turning it down. Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. Right, okay. Down to what level, though? Let's get it back down to, like, normal. Six? Maybe let's give it a seven. Okay.

Just a seven. All right. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Zane Miller. Zane. Yeah, this is a bit more like it. Yeah, but just... I can see where the seven's...

Exactly. Zane's... Exactly. Yeah. You can't say that that's completely normal. I think if it was on six, it'd be like Bill Miller. Exactly.

That's exactly what I was thinking. But Zayn with a Z. Yeah. Not with a Z. Yeah. Yeah. Not with a X. Could be with an X.

I guess. Zayn? Yeah, I guess technically, yeah. I wonder if there's ever been a Zayn with an X. I'm looking it up right now. I would imagine so. I can see a parent wanting the, you know, the exclusivity of a kid with an X. Yeah, you should definitely, if no one has used this, has used that as a name, you should absolutely do.

But someone's got to. It's too obvious an idea in my opinion. Zane. All right. It's looking like it has been used as a name. Yeah.

I don't know if that's proof. It does say it's a name. A variant form of John. What? I don't know what the fuck that means. Origin of the name Zane. A variant form of John. What? I don't know what the fuck that means. Origin of the name Zane. A variant form of John. What does that mean?

That's even better. Z-A-N-E. It's actually pronounced John. All the letters are silent, and there's some quite loud letters that you can't see in there as well. I love it. Zane. There's no absolute proof that there's someone with the first name Zane.

I don't know. Have you tried just like going onto Facebook and just searching? Great question. Z-A-N-E and see what comes up. All right. Now I'm doing that. Zane on Facebook. X-A-N-E.

Anything come up? Yeah, quite a few. Really? Straight away. Okay. Is that? There's someone called Zane Shepard. Zane Yill.

Yep. That's a girl. Zane Mattson. Is that enough proof for you that it is an actual name, that it exists? I guess. I guess that is proof for you that it is an actual name, that it exists? I guess. I guess that is proof. Yeah. In a lot of ways.

Zane Bautista. Bautista. Who lives in Singapore. Okay. Interesting. Look them up next time we go. Yep. On the way through.

Zane Rowe went to North Rockhampton State School. Zane Rowe. God. And thesepton State School. Zane Rowe. God. And these are all X-A-N-E. Yes, X-A-N-E. No, you're saying that it's John Rowe. Oh, sorry. It's John Batista.

Sorry. Apologies. I'm pretty bad with pronunciation. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah, it's pretty random. But that's not what we're talking about We're talking about a Zed

Yeah All this talk has made this Zed guy seem Quite frankly Pretty boring And actually not all that random at all No That's really taken the sting out of it Hasn't it

Yeah Well that's Well I mean you know You can't just keep something Going at full capacity the whole time No Yeah So it needs a bit of a break Look I can turn it up in a minute We can turn it back up I mean, you know, you can't just keep something going at full capacity the whole time. No. Yeah. So it needs a bit of a break.

Look, I can turn it up in a minute. We can turn it back up. Do, turn it back for one name and then I reckon turn it back up to 10 for whatever the final name is that we end up doing. Oh, for whenever we get to that final name. For whenever we get to the final name. Okay. I reckon just let rip.

Okay. All right. Yeah. Sure. All right. We'll do that. Thanks, Zane. Oh, is that it for Zane DeMille? Okay. Well, I don't know. What else do you say? Yeah, sure. Okay, all right. Yeah. Sure, all right. We'll do that. Thanks, Zane. Oh, is that it for Zane DeMille?

Okay. Well, I don't know. What else do you say? Yeah, fair enough. Yeah, that's... We read out a... We speculated on a bunch of people that aren't him. What more can we do?

What does he want? Yeah. Or she? No. Zane? Is Zane... No, it must be he. There was plenty of girls with Zayn with an X, though.

Yeah, that's what's thrown me off. Isn't that bad that you've got Zayn, you've got a name with a Z, and we're like, boring. Imagine if it was an X. Brutal. A truly weird letter. I often think about some of these people with their names thinking like, when are the boys going to get to me?

When are the boys going to get to my name? And read it out. And you know, they maybe think like, fuck, I've got a pearler. They are going to absolutely go to town. And then you know the way it works, it's all random. Just some weeks we've had more interesting ones in the lead up. And we sort of just end up talking about...

Some weeks we're more tired than other weeks. And we just read their name. We just talk about The Simpsons for 10 minutes. And then that's it. That's a good idea. All right. Let's crank this mother back up. Back up or back down? Back up, I reckon.

Back up. Okay. Yeah. Well, I mean, that was seven. So, look, I felt like it hardly held your attention. Yeah. Okay. Sorry.

And I don't think that's very good for the show. Well, leave some in the tank for whenever we get to the last name. All right. Well, let's pop this up to... You're the boss. Let's get this to like eight and a half, nine, I think. Oh, it's got half measures on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What if you say so early on? Well, you never asked. It would be rude to just throw all this information at you. You may have not had any interest in it. Fair, fair. Yeah. All right, here we go. Here we go with an 8.5.

Let's see what the old girl cooks up. Wow. Well, this is an 8.5. Thank you to... I'm going to have to recalibrate this machine. This sounds more like a nine to me, but anyway, you be the judge. Okay.

We might need to take this back into the shop. All right, okay. Thank you to patreon subscriber jackson beagle hole i feel like we've done this one have we yeah i really feel like we've done this one before i i i've just run it through the the machine and it hasn't come up with any results okay we've done it before all right in in fact it's saying to me you haven't done it again interesting well i mean i guess 8.5 if it was on a nine i would think spitting out a name that we've already done before be pretty random yeah

but at 8.5 you have to assume that there's going to be no funny business right well i mean look beagle hole yeah well this is my point you don't forget a name like yeah i know i know i did you know what you're right i did look at it and check that's why i check i have pretty clear memories of when i was significantly less tired right riffing my little ass off on this right i really feel like we had a really good thing going. Well, let's reminisce on those. Okay. Let's try and cover what we did last time, if this is something that we've done again.

My initial, my gut feeling would be something about the, you know, the arse of a dog. Something about rooting Snoopy up the arse. Yeah. Just speculating. Yeah, yeah. I could be wrong yeah up up to you up to your peanuts in snoopy yeah yeah good grief something about charlie brown holding the football then running in and just as you're about to kick it yep charlie brown fucks your dog in the butt god i hope it's

literally word for word the exact same stuff. Someone take, someone if you can find it, cut this out and then cut the original and put them side by side. If, if, if. It's a challenge. Yeah. You know, some people have a lot of time on their hands. They'd appreciate a little scavenger hunt. And Jackson, confess if you've been on before because then that'll make it easier for us to figure this out.

Yeah, and you know the rules. If you've been on before, you are going to have to pay us again for this month. Yes, and the rule is that you have to move in with us and kill yourself so we get straight A's. So, yes. Yeah, at PodcastingU. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, at Kappa Smeller Data or whatever the fuck Our Pledge house is

Any more for the beagle The beagle hole I mean it's a rough Rough name Yeah Poor old Jackie boy Yeah Bagel hole

That would be Just more of a donut Beagle A bagel Yeah It'd be an actual bagel Oh yeah Do bagels have holes

Yes Oh okay I don't know much Do bagels have holes? Yes. Oh, okay. I don't know much about bagels. They're good. Are they? Yeah, they're really good. How would you rank them opposite other breakfast foods? Oh, that's a good question.

Pretty highly. As a brunch, if I'm just going to go and do that, maybe like a 10, 30, 11 situation and going, well, this is taking care of me until dinner, then it's really good. If you want to to go and do that, maybe like a 10, 30, 11 situation and going, well, this has taken care of me until dinner. Right. Then it's really good. If you want to really satisfy yourself, then it's going to see you through the rest of the day.

It's pretty bad for you. Right. Bagels are a pretty bad form of bread. Yeah. But there's a place near me that does a bunch of sensational bagels. A lot of delicious fillings in them. Yeah. A bit of cream cheese on there.

I bet. Putting a bit of cream cheese in Jackson's bagel hole. In the old bagel hole. Yeah. Bagel hole. All right. Thanks. Thanks, Jackson.

Thanks, Jackson. Man, I think you can tell I'm getting pretty tired. Yeah. I've been up early. I was up late last night. We had some drinks after the show. Yeah. I was up very early this morning to get on the flight to come home i've been dealing with um i've been parenting today to be completely honest um it's taken a bit out of me it's been a

long day it's been a big week yeah yeah um i think. I think we'll just do one more. Yeah. I'm fine with that. And I'm a little bit worried about, you know, what's going to happen to this machine if I continue to push it like this. Again, we were talking about putting seats in the next Brisbane gig. Lesson learned. We can't do this to the unplanned title alternator again.

Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy that it has the dial that goes all the way that high. Yeah. But it seems unequipped to handle with the pressure. Yeah. I guess it's just, you know, look, we need to upgrade, I guess. I guess maybe we just got a version.

Look, I'm pretty slack with getting the upgrades because we've talked before on the show about how expensive the upgrades are. But you get the upgrade and then the next day they announce there's going to be a new keynote where they get up and they announce like the new unplanned title alternator pro. You know, we've been fooled by this before. Yeah. And all the updates, they make it run slower as well. Exactly. So then you're tricked into getting the new unplanned title alternator. Yeah.

So I've been a bit slack with the updates. So maybe there was a good update. Yeah. I vaguely remember in hindsight one one of the small updates being, um, it helps the machine not catch on fire. Oh, okay.

And I thought that was like just crazy computer jargon. Like, okay, whatever that means. No, now given our experience tonight, I dare say that might actually be quite literal. Right.

Okay. So probably take it home and install that one. Okay. Take, take it home. Yeah. It is a drag for me having to bring this in every week to your apartment. I don't know why you don't just leave it here.

Yeah, I've got to start doing that. Because this is going to be fucking hot to pick up now and drag all the way home. Right. Well, you know, I wish I could help. Especially because I ran here. Yeah. It's like, it was a fucking tough run. But it's weight training.

It's a tough run. It's good for you. Yeah, I know, but it was hard. But running home with this on my back now, with it being this hot. Yeah. Well, motivation to run quicker. This is like when people would run on hot coals. Yeah.

Running with a hot unplanned title on my back. It's a hot thing on your back. Yeah, it is almost the same. It's similar-ish. Well, all right. Just like I said for this last one, let's put it all the way up to 10. Okay. Let's go as random as we can.

All right. Here we go. Oh, God. All right. We better do this quick because that has increased the smoke quite a lot. The couch in my apartment has caught fire. Yeah. We've got to be quick with this one.

That is just – yeah. All right. Quick. All right. Okay. Let's see what got to be quick with this one. That is just, yeah. All right. Quick. All right. Okay. Let's see what this baby, what we can get it up to. Here we go. Thank you to Patreon subscriber.

God. What? Fuck. Well, we can't, we can't do this again. Be careful what you wish for. Exactly. Exactly. We can't be putting stuff like this out every week.

I know. It's reckless. People probably, people don't know what to make of this when they're listening to it exactly this is just too we don't we've got a reputation to uphold as like i don't know it's sort of like a safe yeah not not this random not this right bizarre not this absurd people are like are we listening to fucking tim and eric yeah exactly i don't want to like scare away all of our listeners to get all these circus freaks in that start listening because they think

this is what's going to happen yeah yeah yeah we have a lot of like little old ladies that listen on their way to church yeah on Sunday morning they're probably

they've probably all keeled over from just overstimulation exactly I bought an iPhone once from a little old lady that only used to use it on their way to church listening to our podcast

right yeah barely used how many miles did it have on it yeah 69 so It only used to use it on the way to church listening to our podcast. Right. Yeah. Barely used. How many miles did it have on it? Yeah. 69. So, all right, here we go. One more.

Yep. God. Final one for this week. I feel like this is so dumb. Anyway, thank you to Patreon subscriber John Comedy. Sorry, everyone. That's bizarre. That is weird stuff.

That is. Like, I like to think I've got a pretty liberal sense of humor and mind and things like that. I'm pretty open to things. Large L. But that's, I mean, I draw the line. You've got to draw the line somewhere. Yeah, look, I agree.

I'm pretty open-minded. Yeah. But that's like... It's I draw the line. You've got to draw the line somewhere. Yeah, look, I agree. I'm pretty open-minded. But that's like... It's stupid. It's just stupid. It's just, you can't just put two random things together and call it comedy. You can't just put food on your feet and start walking around and call it comedy. Exactly. It's just, I feel a bit embarrassed.

I feel like some sort of fucking child babbling, you know, nonsense words. Oh, reading it out, you felt like a fool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's real lowest common denominator stuff, isn't it? It's, I don't even know what it is. It makes Beavis and Butthead look sophisticated. Exactly.

Exactly. It's just garbage. Like, I feel like I've turned into my parents. Turn that rot off. Yes. Yeah. Fucking hell. I've got no time parents. Turn that rot off. Yes. Yeah. Fucking hell. I've got no time for this.

Yeah. We'll know better not to try and crank this up to 11 next week. Yeah, yeah. This is a family show. I'm sorry, everyone. Next week we'll be back to the kind of good old-fashioned values that you've all come to know and love from this podcast. A bit of meat and potato, middle of the road,

none of this skylarking. Yeah. Audio skylarking. We've lost all the flyover states with this podcast. A bit of meat and potato, middle of the road, none of this sky-larking. Yep. Audio sky-larking. We've lost all the flyover states with this episode. Exactly. We've lost the Bible belt. That's what we've done. All right, folks.

Well, thanks for listening. We'll be back to regular programming next week. Sorry for playing such absolute silly buggers this week. Back to absolute missionary podcasting. Oh, yeah. What position do you think this was? Oh, something absolutely out of this world, like doggy style. Oh, yeah.

Something absolutely bizarre that no one actually does. You've only ever seen on cartoons. Yeah, I loved it. Sexy cartoons. I loved it when Red and Stimpy did it doggy style. All right, guys. Thanks for listening. Check out littledun and Stimpy did it doggy style. All right, guys. Thanks for listening. Check out littledunlumclub.com.

Get on the Patreon. Support the show. Get some bonus content. And we'll see you next week. See you, mates.