The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 478 - Marty Sheargold & Danny McGinlay

Episode Date: December 3, 2019

We're back in a commercial radio station studio for the return of MARTY SHEARGOLD plus DANNY McGINLAY! We briefly hear about Marty's return to stand-up, some favourite McDonalds menu items, and a weirdo that Karl's seen down the street, before we get into the main event: Danny's had a vasectomy and it didn't go to plan! Four men talking about genitals, what a treat. Enjoy!MELBOURNE! Our 500th episode is on sale. It's going to be massive. April 25, 2020. 8:30pm. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Marty Sheargold and Danny McGinlay. We will be in here at the end of the episode to plug a couple of upcoming shows that we have some new announcements for you. But until then, enjoy this new episode with Danny McGinlay and Marty Sheargold. Hey mates, welcome once again into The Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo, and with me is always the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, Dickhead. Man, you guys at home have missed ten minutes of us talking about absolutely things that we should not put to air. Yeah, I think the consensus in the room was that political correctness has gone mad

It's basically what it all boiled down to Well, you've got to be allowed to have a conversation about what's appropriate Or how do you find out where the line is You know what's not appropriate? Talking before you've been introduced, mate My apologies Absolutely gone My apologies

Let's get our guests in here today On the show we have Marty Sheargold and Danny McGinn Yeah, come on. Excellent stuff. Marty has showed off his 20 years in radio by turning my mic up after about 10 minutes of fucking around. I've never heard anyone complain like that. I thought you were going to leave at one point.

I'm like, mate, we can work it out. I would have walked out if I knew how to fucking get out of here, but it took another 10 minutes to get in here. It's a real rabbit war on this joint. We are in a proper radio studio. We are straight after Marty's radio show has finished on Nova FM, so we are blessed to use proper technology instead of fucking around in Tommy Daslow's masturbatorium.

Yep. Is that what it's actually called? That's what it's referred to. There's probably a fair bit of that going on in here too. To be fair, Tommy doesn't refer to it as that. Is that what it's actually called? There's probably a fair bit of that going on in here too. To be fair, Tommy doesn't refer to it as that. It's everyone else that walks in there and opens their nostrils for one second. Oh, okay.

Or the draw. It comes flying out. It's a teenage boy thing. Yeah. He's the Peter Pan of wanking. He's just never grown up. Wow. That's a lot of Vaseline.

It's always the first thing you see, isn't it, when you go into someone's room. You just sort of go, oh, my God, this is an actual jar of Vaseline over there near the bed. That's old school. I've never used Vaseline. I see it in movies and I go, what is that? Petroleum-based jelly. No thanks.

Who can't get a grip? But that's what your daddy used to use. That's not, you know, genuine. By your daddy, do you mean? What do you mean? That's old-fashioned wanky is what I'm saying. I thought this was a very special episode of Dumb Dumb Club. No, I'm saying your millennials aren't going out and buying Vaseline. No way.

What's the practical application of Vaseline? Outside of a jacking off context, what's it used for? Dry lips. Oh, dry lips. Nappy rash on a kid. Nappy rash. Oh, yeah. Sunburn.

If you mix Vaseline and Sorboline, I find it actually, you look hideous, but if you leave that on overnight, it clears up. You know so much about this that says to me that you've gone into the shop to buy Vaseline with these excuses. No, I've got a sunburned toddler at home. That's what I'm actually using it for. Saw balloon's good for wanking too. You can't lose.

I actually just get my kid to stay out in the sun way too long. That's why I need fucking commitment to this. Yeah, I'm going to need litres of this shit. Do you know what? I've never said this before, but when I was growing up, when people would talk about masturbating, I was always like, I was a late masturbator.

Oh, really? Yeah, I was a really late masturbator. Are you prepared to put a year on that or just leave it at late? We'll leave it at late at the moment. We'll get into this bit first. Well, I'm assuming that most boys start masturbating in their early teens, I would have thought. Yeah.

Not me. Much later than that. Really? Yeah. Because you know why? Because people would talk about it and I'd be like, yeah, cool. And I'd just sort of, I'd be like, yeah, that thing. And I'd always be like, so what, how do you do it?

Like what? Oh, wow. This is huge. Because. Being a virgin until later in life is one thing. Yes. But being a self-virgin... I know.

That's rough. I know, but I was literally like... I'd grab hold of myself and go, well, this doesn't feel that good. I never figured out that there was a third party involved, that there was lubricant. I didn't understand that bit of it. No.

Yeah. Were you fantasising? Were you flicking through? I was absolutely just wet-dreaming it up. Yeah, right. That was it. I've never had a wet dream. What?

Never. Wow. I just pulled it all out. Yeah, yeah. The well was dry. You started very early then. I guess so. I would have been about 12, 13 or-

Right. Like high school. Just after lunch. I'm assuming you've made up for it though over the years. Once I discovered it Tugfest 2000 It was literally me Not even getting lubricant

It was not even me figuring that out It was one day me looking at a bottle of shampoo Going I wonder if people use this Yes good So then that's what I used for the first Experimenting Yeah for the first however long that took You must have been so clean.

Yeah. But not only that... I can smell him. He smells amazing. Man, what... Is that fruits of the forest? You've never seen a lather like it. Full lather.

It's like an Ibiza foam pad. Yeah. He's in there somewhere wanking. Do you remember that old... I forget the name of the brand of shampoo, but it was all the people in the shower and it was the song? Yeah, Decoray. As a...

It was just Carl pulling his pants off. There was someone famous in that ad. There was someone in that ad. Really? There was like an actor or became... Someone who's moved on to like a Naomi Watts. Yes, correct. Yeah, right.

Someone will Google that as they're listening to this. That'll be the only feedback we get. Yeah. I could do it now if you want. Yeah, see who was in the Decoray ad. Correct. Yeah, right. Someone will Google that as they're listening to this. That'll be the only feedback we get. Yeah. I could do it now if you want. Yeah, see who was in the Decoray ad. Decoray. See, Marty, if this was your radio show, you'd be able to get someone to call in and answer.

Lauren would have already done that for me. We have to get our talent to just Google it themselves. That is, if you've got that far without going, ring us with the lubricant you used when you were 13. Oh, yeah. Good foner. Yeah. Good, yeah. Good phoner. Yeah. Good phoner.

Good foamer. Good foamer. Can we take calls in here? Can we just put the phone number of here out on Twitter and get people to call in? Look, I love doing the podcast, but the only thing I would love to do more is to have people ring in and just pour shit on them.

That's the thing I'm jealous of you, Marty, apart from your millions of dollars. But can't you do that, though? You could solicit on social media, set a time that the show starts. Yeah, yeah, I think I'd- You could ring people back after you solicit on social media. Yeah, maybe. So you could be saying, today we're talking about this.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, maybe we could do that. We could do something like that. Yeah. That would be fun. Maybe we could do one live on stage where we just pretend that it's like a phone, but we just get someone out of the audience to stand on stage with a big phone. And then we'll ask them about how old were you when you first beat off.

Yes. And then we just mock them. Yes. Can't see anything going wrong with that. It's the perfect plan for me. It'd be pretty fun. I love that stuff. Yeah, it's good fun.

Yeah. Not getting anything on the famous actor. There's a lot of the ad up on YouTube, but no real. A lot of people just having, it's part of listicle saying which ads were great. You know, I like Aeroplane Jelly and Louis the Fly and things like that. Just a list of ads people like. Yeah. The internet's great, isn't it?

Isn't it great? It's like a big echo chamber of like-minded people. So are we going to get the age? Oh, look. I thought you meant we're going to bring in a copy of the age? Oh, look. I thought you meant we can bring in a copy of the newspaper. Oh, yeah, yeah. Grab us the age, will you?

I love yesterday's news. There's got to be something in the paper that's better than you jerking off. Print media doesn't make any sense anymore, does it? Let's get the Wizard of Id. Yeah, yeah. It's so behind now. It's a thing where I've been talking about recently about, you know, I used to, the soccer scores. You know, for me, well into the Premier League now,

the earliest you get the scores is Monday morning when you get up and get the paper. It's too late to go to print on Sunday morning. Right. So something happened at midnight on Saturday and you don't read about it until 7 o'clock on Monday morning. That's ridiculous. My parents get the newspaper every day.

They get the age. But pretty much they flick through it. Pretty much they're paying three bucks for a fresh crossword every day. Yes. I can respect that. Yeah, that's not bad, dear. Your crossword? Yeah.

People are into their crosswords. People are into their crosswords much more than... You know what? If someone tries to get rid of one of the comic strips in the paper, that's what makes people go fucking nuts. Sure. They don't even read it. As if anyone's reading The Wizard of Id. But if someone takes it out, you're going, oh, fuck, bring that back.

Peel it. Yeah, yeah. It's like, grow up. Also, the bloke's dead. Yeah, that's right. There's no more to come. If you're getting your news out of the newspaper, you don't want news. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You don't understand news. You're not invested. No. Yeah. You're just reading stuff that's in front of you that day. Because unless you're up at the crack of dawn getting the paper hot off the press and pouring over it. Yeah.

Let's say you're waiting until like 10am. It's like the day's half done, mate. But you guys would all be Twitter guys though, yeah? I'm not on Twitter. Yeah. But isn't that where people get their news? I'm imagining straight hot off the press. A bit of that. Yeah. A bit of that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah? I'm not on Twitter. But isn't that where people get their news? I'm imagining straight hot off the press. A bit of that.

Yeah. Mostly, I'll just, one of the first things I'll do when I look at my phone in the morning is abc.net slash news. Just look at the headlines there. Because I trust the government broadcast. Well, you know what? I enjoy the paper. Probably the only

place I enjoy the paper is McDonald's. Because you're getting the paper for free. I don't mind that. Yeah, that's good. And I get actively very pissed off. It's not just McDonald's that do that. Yeah, but, you know, that's the place I'm more likely to go than other places. Okay, sure, sure.

Yeah, yeah. What do you go to order at McDonald's? Double cheeseburger. Double cheeseburger over a quarter pounder? Yeah. Because that extra slice of cheese just makes a difference I think so yeah I feel like the quarter pounder is a bit dry

It's always a bit dry for me Okay I feel like there's a bit more mushiness in the double cheeseburger Moisture Yeah I love a cheeseburger I can inhale a cheeseburger They're like two bucks

It's a very cheap round The double cheeseburger is perfect for me Because the one cheeseburger feels like, I don't know, it feels like a bit of a kid's toy to me. It really is. The triple. It's like a choking hazard. And then the triple's just a bit of a joke.

It's like, you shouldn't be legally allowed to sell- Have three bits of meat inside a bun. And it's just too mushy and shit. It's like, you can't leave the premises. That's not food. That's fucking weird. Yeah, you can't walk out with one. No, they shouldn't allow you to walk out with one.

Do you know, I don't trust people who go to the McDonald's and get that, you know, they've got the gourmet range with the Angus beef and stuff. If you're into that, go to a proper restaurant. Yeah, that's right. I felt like I was going insane the other week. I was doing spleen, your Monday night gig. Great room.

And I was walking up there. I'm numb for three at Spleen. It's not my favourite room. But it's not about the room, as we've discussed. It's about 48-year-old men talking about life before the internet. Yes. As a slight note to people at home, this is what's been happening. Marty Shugle has made a big stand-up to comedy, to stand-up comedy,

and he's been coming to the rooms that I run. And there's a, you know, look, the three consistent rooms that I run are Spleen on the Monday, Thursday comedy on the Thursday, weirdly enough, and then Basement on the Saturday. The longer the night, the week goes on, the older the crowd gets. Yes. So the earlier in the week. The Monday.

The Monday is the weakness for Martin Sheargold. It's the crèche. Because Marty Sheargold is coming back to comedy going, you know when you can't program your VCR properly? And there's a bunch of 15-year-olds from fucking Gothenburg going, we don't understand the language. Oh, what the fuck are you talking about? Who is this stuff?

Sorry, guys. The last time I was there, I said, I won't take up much more of your time That's when you know you're in trouble When you're apologising That's great, I'd better let you go Hey, I've had fun, you guys have got stuff to do You guys look like you're busy laughing at nothing

So I'd better leave you here Enjoy Pete Hellyer ladies and gentlemen Always throwing to another act But then later on the week You get your weekend crowd. Oh, the Thursday and Saturday, I love. Yeah, your weekend, your crowd with, you know, people with a bit more money, i.e. people a little bit older with jobs. Yes.

That actually aren't fucking backpackers. Yeah. And you're absolutely fine. It's strange, isn't it, going out on a Monday night? Yeah. You know you've really got nothing on. Yeah. If you're not 18, then you're travelling.

You're in for business. Or unemployed. Yes. Or hospitality, but they... Oh. Yeah, it's hospo night. Hospo night. But that's late, though.

You're not going out to see a show on a Monday night, are you? No. You're going out to get absolutely fucking sideways. Yeah, that's right. That's what's happening. Yeah. Show of a couple of pingers at 2am on a Monday. Yeah.

That's your night off in hospitality. That's a good time, isn't it? So, sorry, Tommy, I brutally cut you off. Oh, it was, I was at Spleen, I was walking to Spleen, and I saw on my Facebook someone had shared a photo of a KFC Zinger burger that they'd gotten. And they were doing it, you know, that way people sometimes do, where they're like, look at this, this is fucking atrocious.

I ordered this burger and it turns up like this. And I'm looking at the photo and all I could do was just go, my God, that looks good. I haven't had KFC in so long. And then there's a KFC not too far from Spleen that closes at 10. And I was on in the second bracket and I'm just standing there going, I'm going to whip down after this and get a Zinger burger. I can't stop thinking about this.

And then it's like the night gets later and later and later and it's me going, I'm not making it to KFC. I was so stressed. Like I'd had dinner already, wasn't that hungry, but it's got this like, I felt like I was going insane, just like fantasising about putting my dick in a Zingiberg. I think we've all done that. Off of the back of someone going, look how shit this looks,

me being like, that looks good to me. If I knew a Zingiberg was back then, I would have used that instead of the shampoo. The most natural lube there is. Is that mayo they use? Greasy chicken. Greasy chicken. They do a pretty good job.

Yeah, definitely. You know what I saw today? Now, this is the thing that we've talked about on the show. Now, this is my theory on the two of us, Tommy.

Now, a quick little window into what we do. This is my theory. I come in here with a lot of fucked up, dumb stories. Now, a quick little window into what we do. This is my theory. I come in here with a lot of fucked up, dumb stories. Tommy, not so much. I always think I'm coming in here, I'm seeing all this fucked up stuff, and Tommy's walking around with his fucking jacket over his head, not looking at anything.

Because he hasn't got the fuck stories that I do. Now, his theory is that I'm a mental case magnet. Okay. You attract mental people. Yes. And my theory is he's not looking hard enough. But maybe it's somewhere in between, I think. It's a common ground. Because this is what I saw today.

I was walking into the city today. I was walking on one side of the street, away from my house. I was walking up the hill. On the other side of the street, I saw a guy approaching the apex of the hill, right? So I'm walking towards the hill. This guy's gotten to the hill from the other side, just got right to the top. He's about to walk down. And as he gets to the apex, as he gets to the peak, the peak of visibility as well,

because people can see him from my side of the hill and the other side of the hill. He gets to there and then he takes off his backpack, then takes his pants off. No way. This is at 11.30am, by the way. Yeah. Takes his pants off, then opens his backpack, then gets another pair of pants and puts them on. Just a pant change. Just does a pant change at 11.30am at the top of a hill.

Top of a hill. Yeah. He might have had altitude sickness. He could have shat himself, you're right. When you're on the summit, you want to just give it a bit of a breeze. Is that a weird move? I think that's like...

That's totally ridiculous. Changing your pants anywhere in public is weird, let alone at the peak where everyone is going to see you. But I think if you're prepared to do it in public, you're not thinking about the fact, you're not going, gee, it's weird that I'm doing this at the apex of a hill. Right. You know, once you're fine to not be in like a bathroom or whatever,

you're like, it doesn't matter if it's a park with no one around. I feel like you guys have found it weirder that I've said Apex so many times. Yeah, I like it. It's actually happened in the story. I didn't realise you'd moved to a mountainous area. It's got a real Sudanese feel to it. This whole story. It didn't have a Sudanese feel.

This is in Hawthorne. Certainly no Sudanese people in Hawthorne. The mountainous regions of Hawthorne. Yeah, no, I come from Meribah. This is as foreign as it gets in Hawthorne. Certainly no Sudanese people in Hawthorne. Absolutely not. The mountainous regions of Hawthorne. Yeah, no, I come from Meribah. This is as foreign as it gets in Hawthorne. So what do you reckon the pant man's go was? Man, no idea, but he was over the other side of the street, so I was very tempted to find out what was going on,

but I found it weird to yell over traffic to a guy who's capable of just changing pants in public over the top of... So I don't know. It's one of those things, yeah, I'd love to know. I would probably do that. I'm one of those guys who, as you were saying, is immune to just realising you shouldn't take your pants off in public. Oh, you'd be down?

Yeah, yeah. You'd be into it? European. Yeah. And also, because when you've got young kids, I always have to... See, this is the other thing, because the thing that confused me is because there were two pairs of pants.

It wasn't like, I've got shorts on, it's a bit chilly, might put pants on. Oh, right. Or the opposite way around. Just two pairs of pants. I couldn't pick the difference. I was over two lanes of traffic away, sure. Yeah.

But confusing. Describe the difference between those trousers. Did they just go out of fashion just then? Yeah, and it's not a particularly hot date. It's not like he's left the house and then gone like, oh, I've sweated through these already. Yeah. You know, it wasn't raining this morning.

He's on a pant change. Yeah. Just on a pant change. I'm into it. You still wearing G-strings, Danny? Yeah, they're fun. You know, you can get a good tune out of them. Actually, I'm not at the moment.

I've been wearing two pairs of undies. Hang on, hang on. Was that an actual thing? Were you wearing Gs? No, that's Marty doing some classic commercial radio. You're still wearing G-bangers, mate? Oh, mate, you're a shocker, mate. Shut up, Gs, you pig.

I've had a gutful of this, Gs. But hang on, now you've said you're wearing two pairs of undies. Two pairs of undies I've been wearing for the past two weeks. What's that about? I got a vasectomy. Oh, that's right. You have to go to double undies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then I got told that on the day.

Hang on now, explain why. You're like, I've only got one pair. Is this a leakage issue? This is for gravitational issues. The pulling of gravity on your balls as you walk around is going to... No good. It's just going to prolong the healing process,

as in, you know, retard the healing process. Yes. Healing retard. So you're wearing two pairs of undies to keep those bad boys snug. Yes. So it's like a big bandage. Yes, pretty much.

And wearing like a... You've got your balls in a sling, basically. Ultimately. Can we's like a big bandage. Yes, pretty much. And wearing like a... You've got your balls in a sling, basically. Ultimately. Can we sign the cast on your balls after this? The second pair of undies? Yeah, we'll auction that off. I'd love to sign your actual cock too, if that would be okay. Sorry, Marty Sheargold, too long.

So run us through how that went. Was it a successful procedure? It was not, Marty. Hang on. Now, have you got particularly shit kids? Is that why you've decided to do this? We're just done. We've got one boy, one girl.

You're sort of all good. The wife did the power move around June this year of going off the pill. How old are you, Danny? 37. Yeah, right. Yeah. The kids are five and three, and we just went. We can't afford another one. Well, yeah. Yeah. The kids are five and three, and we just went, we can't afford another one.

Well, yeah. They're all good. And my wife said, if you want to have unprotected sex again, you've got to get the snip. Yes. And you have to go in. You can't just walk in. You can't book it. You've got to go have a meeting beforehand.

That's so weird to be going in to get a snip of your penis, but being so horny about it, going, can't wait to do some bareback when I get home. Yeah. You've got to wait two months. Two months? Yeah. You should have called her bluff and gone, that's fine, do some bear back when I get home. You've got to wait two months. Two months? You should have called her bluff and gone, that's fine, I'll go back to dingers. Well, no, we have been using dingers, but neither of us are fans of them

when we've had a good 15 years of unsheathed. Oh, God, let's go back to talking about me wanking with shampoo. Unsheathed is not a word you hear every day, but it's a great word. Thank you. Unsheathed. Excalib you hear every day, but it's a great word. Thank you. Unsheathed. Excalibur has been pulled from the star. The lady from the late... Two months without being able to use the old fella.

No, you've got to wear dingers again for two months. Oh, because that might not have... There's some stragglers still there. Is that right? Yeah, so what the actual procedure is, they sever the tube that puts sperm into your semen, and it's called your Vans-Deferens or something like that. Good band.

Yeah. And then once they've got that and they've sort of, I don't know, severed it or something, they then have to solder it to the wall. To the apex of the tube. To the apex of the scrotum. Oh, my God. But then there's stragglers. So you're still producing sperm, but they just can't get into...

I like how you've gone very technical with everything except for stragglers. Stragglers. I'm pretty sure that didn't get brought up in the... No. So they say you've got to do 20 ejaculations before, and then I've got to go... How many are you on? I'm on seven. Yeah. All right. Are you really?

I couldn't do anything for a week, but now my wife is genuinely... It's very weird being told she'll go, alright, so I've got to take the kids out and everything. Oh, do it. Do what you could probably do. Really? Do number six while I'm gone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on. You've got homework to do.

Yes. Right. Make it happen. We're sitting around a large desk. You could fire off number eight live on the spot if you want. Do you feel like wanking now, mate? And also, there's a shield onto the microphone here in the studio, so you could actually do it onto the mic, and we could hear what's going on.

I'm using Jonathan Brown's microphone. He won't mind. He'll be right. He's a good bloke. But I got butchered. It's normally a 15-minute procedure. And my urologist was this really good-looking Iranian guy. And you were saying how long it takes to book in advance.

How long was it, did you say? I had to do, like, two months before, I had to go in for a pre-interview. They just ask if you're doing it for the right reasons. Is it like a tattoo? You can't go in there drunk, just go, I want a vasectomy. Exactly. A bit more planning. Getting a cheap one in Bali.

All me mates are doing it. It's a bonding thing. I had a henna one done. Got a free stubby holder. I just don't want kids for two weeks. Then I've got me hair braided. What a day. Yeah, so the Iranian bloke rocks up.

Iranian bloke. He's all good. His name's Dr. Homie. Oh, nice. That's cool. He's really charming. He's a tall, great suit, big smile. And he's all, what are you doing?

I'm a comedian. And then he's trying to do gear. He's all, I want to make you laugh. We're going to have a good time. And he's doing some gear at me like He'd have heaps of topical, surely About the operation About the operation they're about to do

Yeah, he goes, are you sure? You know, because I see a lot of guys on their second wives And they're, you know I have an office in Port Melbourne So I see a lot of men with their second and third wives I could see you doing that You could upgrade to a younger model Right, trying to talk you younger model. Yeah, right.

Right, trying to talk you out of it. Yeah, or just make sure I'm happy with it. Did he meet your wife? No. Well. Yeah, that's why. Exactly. There's a whole class of human that when you tell them you're a comic feel like they have

to start doing a bit of gear, though. Oh, yes. He was definitely one of them. This is what we do for a living. You're not going to make me laugh. That's point one. And point two, you're not going to be funny. Yeah.

Like, forget that you won't make me laugh. You're awful. You're an awful human. Yeah. In fairness to this doctor, though, I reckon Danny was probably whipping out a bit of Yoda to him. Is that true? So I go in for the doctor.

My dick I do want chopped off. Kids I do not want. So I go in for the surgery. So that's his gear. That's all of his gear. He's just doing a bit of cheeky banter. Cheeky stuff in the pre-show. I'm not true because, as I've talked about on the show,

your wife is... If I had to make a list, or let's say I haven't actually made a list, but if I had to make a list, your wife would be well up there in terms of partners of comedians. Yeah. If your wife was older, Carl would have gotten started a lot earlier in life. You know when you put people's names into Google and it always predicts what the last words can be?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because of conversations like this, it's always Dan McGinley wife. Oh, great. That's before any banners, any Channel 7 work. Before the banners. Oh, really? Yep. Before stuff you've been on TV for.

Yep. It's me talking about how hot your wife is. You and others. Great. Lawrence Mooney's also a fan. Okay, right, right. My search is always anal. Yeah, but that's not when anyone's searching you.

That's just what you're searching. Yeah, I thought that's what we were talking about. Oh, right, right. Danny McGinley, anal. Anal wife. Oh, I love this one. This is Danny and his wife doing anal. Well, then I wouldn't need the bloody vasectomy.

No, well, that should have been brought up far earlier. You could have saved yourself a lot. Can't have a baby out your bum, sweetheart. That must be like urologist gear. I can see you having a second or third wife. Have you thought about anal? You don't have that one in the mix if you're a cheeky urologist. If you want to talk yourself out of a job, sure.

So which part of this was butchered? So I go in for the surgery, and there's another bloke there. There's a young guy who sort of looks a bit like Nick Cody. Hang on, hang on. So this other guy is not being operated. I thought all of a sudden you were going to introduce the fact that there's a tandem surgery going on. Oh, yeah.

Where a guy's just a guy using two hands to snip people at once. No, this is a urology nurse, and my urologist, Dr. Homie, is showing off to the other guy, teaching him how to do it. He goes, this is going to be so easy. He did all that. See, that's the view I had.

He does look a bit like Nick Cody. Actually, that looks like you're being operated on by Nick Cody and Ray Badron. Yeah, it does. That is a big concern. Two friends of the show that I would not let anywhere near my dick. Yeah, he does. That is a big concern. Two friends of the show that I would not let anywhere near my dick. Well, I wish I'd had that. So I get in there and he's doing more gear.

Because he's gone, this is my nurse, I think his name was Scott or something. And I go, okay, why is Scott here? And then Dr. Homey looks at me and he goes, because it's my first time. And I'm really nervous. Alright, I get you doing gear. Let's not do that sort of gear.

Let's do the you're overconfident. So it was definitely gear, though? Yeah, it was definitely gear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's all like, no, I'm just showing you what I'm doing and stuff. That's actually funny, though. That's good. And I get the, so then.

How much, how heavy could you go on the gear before you get someone walking out of a snip? Because I'd be like, you know, I'd want to push it. I'd be looking down and going, oh, that's what this is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just in my head thinking about gear I would be doing if I was a doctor. You take your pants off, nurse get the tweezers, you know, that kind of thing. Yes, yes.

Really fucking with people in a vulnerable moment. I'd be going, well, I'm actually a dentist, but I thought I could just figure this out. I reckon I'm lost. Your cock doesn't have any teeth. Unless you've got a molar in there, I think I'm lost. Well, he did some gear that was the opposite to kind of make me relax because when he goes, all right, take your pants off and your undies,

just pull them down to your knees. This is going to be really quick. And then I pulled it down, lie down, and then he turns to the nurse and he goes, see, I've got a lot to work with here. And he just goes, well done, brother. He's actually giving you a little tap on the inner thigh. Shut up, Danny. This didn't happen.

A nice little ad just in case your wife does leave you. Bit of self-promotion. So he passes out, and then 15 minutes later he comes to And we're able to get on with the procedure We could only fit one more person in the room Because of what had happened downstairs with me Then I got a boner Then there could only be one person in the room here

To get kicked out Little Bob Irwin's got your cock wrapped around his shoulders Sorry, I've just seen down there And the price has just tripled Yeah, I work per metre So we and the price has just tripled. Yeah, I work per metre, so we're going to have to charge more for this. We get it, Danny. We get it, alright?

So you've got a pretty good-sized copper. I've just got to scroll through a lot of jokes here in my notes about the day. You guys have done them all. That felt good. And then he goes, alright. Well, that makes sense. Now we know how you got that wife.

All right, now I get it. The mystery is finally solved. It's actually helped me. Thank you. Then he goes, all right, we're going to start this. He puts like a mercurochrome style thing all over it, like what's that, antiseptic stuff. Oh, could I have used this back in the 20 years ago?

It was a bit red and orange, so it looked a bit tangerine. You would have looked a bit Justin Trudeau. Yeah. It's like wanking with Trump. I was working with head and shoulders back then, so I reckon I could have worked with that. Oh, you're a 2E1 guy. No, Dan's up on his balls.

There was some white, but not that. Why can't I come? Oh, because it says on the bottle, no more tears. Tell me. Very good. Thank you. I might go home. Very good.

Go display. I'll set up that whole story for you, just for you to come in with that. So then he goes uh he goes all right all right genuinely we're going to start now this is the only bit that's going to hurt my friend and he goes i've just got to put the needle with the anesthetic oh just just the needle just the needle into my balls by the way into your actual ball yes into the the bit where the the shaft meets the balls this is this is a good education because i i realize i have no idea what any of this procedure entails.

And I didn't really know either. And that's why I'm happy you guys are talking about it. Right. We weren't talking about it. No, I know. You're talking about it. You're giving me the forum to educate everyone. This is your platform.

What were you doing in that pre-meeting if you weren't learning about what the procedure is? He was telling me what was going to happen. Now I know. I wasn't asking during, hey, so what's this next bit? Okay. What's all of that? No, I was doing the opposite. He does the injection, and I'm bracing myself.

Hang on, hang on. So you've now, are you in, like, did you have to get scrubbed up? Are you in, like, a... No, no, I'm seriously wearing a T-shirt. And, yeah, my... Two pairs of pants. I wore trackies, thinking I'm just going to take them off, but he says, just pull them down to your knees and lie down.

Oh, really? Oh, that feels gross. Like, you should have your pants off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You shouldn't pull them down like you're having a wank in a public toilet. Yes, yes. Like a four-year-old at the urinal. Oh, no, that's not right.

Yeah, it doesn't feel like you're having an operation. It feels like you just got dacked by a couple of strangers. I was actually picturing that I would be sort of sitting on the bed and he would, you know, those... Like a dentist chair. I guess, yeah, and sort of my balls would be hanging loose. Because flying flat on my back, I thought, you're not getting... Did you think it was going to be like a massage

where instead of your head going through the hole, it's your dick and balls going through the hole? Yeah, and then he goes underneath and sort of just works out. Like a car mechanic. That would be good. Rolls in on his little train. That would be good. That's sick.

Man, you know what? To be honest, I go to Thailand enough, I can't believe that they don't combine the massage and the jerk-off by doing that. The hole in the table, yeah. By doing the hole in the massage table. That's perfect. Yes.

And someone's underneath doing that. That's insane. Hey, go over and start it up. Yes. Uncle Carl's Massage Pals. Yes. You just buy a table and you just cut another hole in it. Yeah, that's easy.

Yeah, great. But then the mechanic analogy, you're going in, you're like, you're ripping me off on this hand job, aren't you? Yeah, that's right. I need to send in for extra parts. Yeah, you always get your windscreen wipers replaced. What the fuck? It's a rubber blade.

What could possibly be wrong with that? And why are they $18? Yeah, those are the things. Anyway, separate conversation. It's a rubber blade. What could possibly be wrong with that? And why are they $18? Yeah. These are the things. Anyway, separate conversation. So he's given you the injection into the ball bag. So your pants are half down. You've got your street clothes on.

This is the first. He's dacked you. And then this is the first thing. I dacked myself. Admittedly, he asked me to do it. I'd like that more if it's like he does the dacking for you. He's a very good looking man. That would be good as well because that's another bit of banter that you can have at the start. You go to dack him, but then you don't.

You do the reverse. You give him the wedgie and go, oh, whoops. Yeah, nice. I forgot. It's the other way. It's the other way. I'm sensing a change of vocation for you and I. I think your role just sounds really fun.

It's an opportunity. More opportunities for comedy than cock. You see a lot of cocks, mate. You see a lot of cocks. A lot of cocks. If you're into cocks, it's a good game comedy than cock. You see a lot of cocks. A lot of cocks. If you're into cocks, it's a good guy you can get into.

You love a bit of catheter work. Oh, yeah. Oh, right. Yeah, that's mostly what they do. Anyway, so he goes, this is going to hurt

and I brace myself for the worst pain. How big's the needle? The needle, it was an average size, like a syringe, a standard syringe that they would,

you know, give you a vaccine with. Right. He puts it in and it doesn't hurt that much. It didn't it in, and it doesn't hurt that much. It didn't hurt that much. That didn't hurt that much. All right, mate.

Because I was bracing myself for agony. All right, mate. You've got a big dick, and then people put needles in your balls, and it doesn't hurt. What a champion. It's like getting a dentist's needle. You think it's going to hurt, but it's fine. Yeah, well, that hurts as well. Yeah.

In my head, when I was a kid and I first got a needle, I was genuinely expecting pure. You're right. You'd built it up. I had, yeah. And it wasn't that bad. And then he goes, hey, see, that was alright. And I go, hey, yeah, that was alright. He goes, see, this is going to be fine. This is going to be great. Oh, and during the pre-meeting I'd said, hey, can I get knocked out for this? And he goes, sure, it is $2,000 more. And I'm like, oh, okay. And he goes, yeah. And anyway, I like said, hey, can I get knocked out for this? And he goes, sure, it is $2,000 more. And I'm like, oh, okay. And he goes, yeah. And anyway, I like you.

I like you. Okay. I want to talk to you during. Oh, yeah. He's still doing gear. He's still doing gear. Even in the pre-meeting. This is brutal.

This is like a haircut. And then he. In the chat. Busy day or. In the pre-meeting, did you consider pre-coming on him? He was very good looking. That's the other thing. Surely there's some people out there that are going in there and people are into different

things. Someone's going in for a vasectomy and they get- Fetish thing, the needle comes out. Something's happening. All of a sudden, they're erect. Yeah, possibly. Oh, for sure. That'll happen.

I'll ask Dr. Homie. Yeah. You still in touch? No, not yet. Not yet. I could ring him and ask him. No, hit him up. Ask Dr. Homie. Yeah. You still in touch? No, not yet. Not yet. I could ring him and ask him. No, hit him up. Ask him.

Ask him how often he has to deal with an erect penis while giving the snip. The vasectomy. All right. All right. I'll find that out for you. Because if you didn't know, if you knew that you were into that, like the needle, you know that's going to really turn you on. Yeah.

Well, then you could be like, I guess I kind of can't get the vasectomy. But discovering that during the vasectomy. Right. That's a nice thing. He's in there trying to sniff you, just like, vasectomy. Right. That's a nice thing. He's in there trying to see me and you're just like, barred up. Yeah. Just like, I'm really sorry about this, man.

I'm learning this for the first time as well. I had no idea. I'm really sorry. I didn't expect that. It's really embarrassing. I guess good for me because now I know going forward I can simulate this experience with my partner. When I was a kid, I never had a mump shot into my ball, so I didn't find that out at an early

age. No. Just finding it out now. Yeah. And then he goes, literally, he goes in there, and I go, yeah, that didn't hurt. And he goes, okay, we're going to get started. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Don't you have to, like, wait 10 minutes, like, at the dentist for it to kick in? He goes, no, it's immediate. Here we go. And then I'm feeling a bit of, I sort of just lie back and go, all right, fine. He's still bantering with the nurse, and I'm feeling a bit of, like, pulling on the skin and stuff.

I'm going, I don't want to know what this is. I'm just all like that. And he's all bantering, bantering, and then he sort of stops. Oh. And I hear the phrase, well, that's a bit thick. Again, thank you. Oh, God. But he genuinely said, that's a bit thick.

That's a bit thick. And I said, thank you, Doc. And he didn't respond. Like, he was sort of just like, no. You're thinking still banter. Yeah, I'm thinking still banter. And then he goes, no, no, I've just got to. And then he finds the Vans difference.

And he goes. It's like turning into the penthouse forum. I can have no choice but to use my mouth. The mood has changed. I can't chew through this. This is really thick and beautiful. And yummy. Yeah, the end of this story is my wife's available now, Carl.

So he's... And he's gone, yeah, it's thick, and then I felt the... He's grabbed the Van Steffen. Now that you feel because that is like... But you know when you get kicked in the nuts? What's it called again? That's the Van Steffen.

Van Steffen. Something like that. The little tube. The little tube. And that is when he grabs it, you feel like when you get kicked in the nuts? What's it called again? Vans deference. Vans deference. Something like that. The little tube. The little tube. And that is when he grabs it, you feel like you've been kicked in the nuts. You know, you get that. And should you feel that or has he done this bit wrong? No, no, he's warned me about it.

He goes, yeah, yeah, you're going to feel that. So that's the bit that causes the pain when you get kicked in that area. Yes, that's right. It's just some reason goes in there. Why don't they take that bit out then? That's the bit that hurts us so much when we get kicked in it. Because then you can't have kids. Oh, damn.

The world ends. Okay. Right. Reproduction is no longer possible. Right. Oh, God. What a system. Fuck, someone should look into this.

Yeah. Stupid God. Revolution. Whichever one. Yeah. Whichever one you want. Revolution? Evolution.

Oh, evolution. I was going to say, what revolution demanded that we get pain when we get kicked in the balls? Russians. It was Trotsky's idea. Right. The Russians. It's always the Russians.

It always is. He's doing that, and he's got it, and he's going, but I can see him sort of- It's too thick. He's not- The tissue around it, he's having issues. There's a bit of tugging and stuff. And he's not being the fun guy that he had been up until that point. Right.

So something's happened in the control room. And I go, how are we doing here, Doc? Are we... Is this... How's Nick Cody going? What's he doing? He's gone, this might take a while or something like that. And I just look at the Nick Cody guy and I go, you, small talk, now.

Oh, really? You demanded banter. I demanded you distract me as much as you want, and that's when he goes, oh, I'm actually a Bulldogs fan. I like your work. Oh, good, some banter stuff. Yeah, we talked about the banners and the grand final. That fourth untrue thing in the story, keep going.

We talked about... I mean, we know, thanks to Google, we know the odds are he'd be more likely to ask about your wife. So we know that's not true. What a big day for Danny. People complimenting him on his cock and his... His anal. It's through the roof.

People walk through the surgery and went, oh, we saw your comedy festival show last year and we said it was the best show we'd ever seen. We're doing small talk and stuff, but he's a bit distracted because he was expecting to be shown how easy... He's trying to learn how to do it. And learn how to do it, and I'm just going, mate, you keep talking to me, and he's like,

where do you live? How old are your kids? All of this. And then he goes... Doing your job. Oh, by the way, you should wear two pairs of undies after this. And I go, oh, okay, I didn't know. And he goes, yeah, because I had my vas should wear two pairs of undies after this. And I go, oh, okay, I didn't know. He goes, yeah, because I had my vasectomy two months ago. And I went, oh, great.

And did you have any of these complications? He goes, I don't know. I was knocked out for it. Oh. You fucking coward. He spent the two grand. Yeah, but he works there. He doesn't have to do it.

He's got the hookup. Yeah, he's got the hookup. Yeah, exactly. How old was that guy? He was young. He was like, yeah, 35 or something. Okay. Oh, well, that's about the sameup. Yeah, he's got the hookup. Yeah, exactly. How old was that guy? He was young. He was like 35 or something. Okay.

Well, that's about the same age as you, nearly. Yeah, but he was younger than me. Okay. I didn't get it. He had to talk to me. I didn't want to ask his question. Right. Okay.

All right. And then the doc's going, he's getting more and more agitated working that one. And then finally, after about 40 minutes, he goes- What? 40 minutes? Hang on. Yeah, we're at 40 minutes. So this is 40 minutes from start to... How long was it supposed to take?

15. Oh, Jesus. Sticky feet. Dave Hughes doing it. Just mugging around, Hughesy, relax. I would have gone with Lima or Dave Thorne. Oh, my God. It was the worst part.

As he's doing it, he kept reaching for the mic and bike stand and pulling it back over and then putting it back so you know he's about to do another 10 minutes. Yeah, yeah. Was there a vasectomy doctor out

there knocking on the door, giving him the light, going, mate, I'm going to have a fucking tired crowd if you don't wrap this up quick. He did have other patients. Yeah.

He had other patients who were coming and he said, oh yeah, we're under a bit of time pressure here but no, it's okay, we'll fight. And then he's getting more and more said, we're under a bit of time pressure here, but no, it's okay. And then he's getting more and more agitated.

That's a great thing to put into your head, as your dick's being ripped apart. Oh, someone's getting a bit tired out in the waiting room, and it's your fault. Yeah, you just remind me of another bit. Like, I was getting moments of pain, of just going, oh, no, hang on, more, and he just put in more anaesthetic because I guess it kept wearing off. And at one stage, because, okay because the best way to describe that is,

you know when you're at the dentist and you're getting your teeth cleaned with that electric cleaner and you get like a microsecond of agony? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just a nerve. And it's just a microsecond, but then you're on edge for the rest of the time. That's what I was. Because I was getting microseconds. You're waiting for it now.

Yeah, and I'm feeling tugging and at times extreme pain. And I go, hey, hey, hey, no, no, more, more, more. And at one stage, after I'd done that. You hit a filling. Yeah, and I'm feeling tugging and at times extreme pain. I go, hey, hey, hey, no, no, more, more, more. And at one stage, after I'd done that... You hit a filling. But yeah. After I'd done it about four or five times, the urologist genuinely goes, oh man, you're killing me. And I go, you've got your hand in my ball sack.

Wow. You're killing me. Alright, there's another brag. You've got your hand in my ball sack. Now we know how big the balls are. We knew about the dick. We didn't know we had fist-sized testicles. Fist-sized? Oh, fist-sized.

I genuinely didn't want to look. So I'm lying on my back trying not to look at anything. Well, it'd be hard not to look at the size of these things you've got down there. Where'd the sun go? So wait, we're 40 minutes in and your pants still just around the knees at this point. Still just around the knees. That's awful. That's such a funny amount of time for the pants to just be in limbo.

The pants have to come off. The pants stayed off around the knees for the whole procedure. Because that's weird because surely at some stage you need to spread your legs a little bit and that's going to be encumbered by your pants still being on. I couldn't feel it getting hot or anything. Yeah, but he needs more leverage. The doctor needs to spring their legs or something. To spring their legs or sitting on top and stuff.

I don't know. That sounds, this sounds caveman style. They've got to bring this into the 21st century, this stuff. You sure he wasn't a mechanic? This does sound like you just got it done in an alleyway. I just rang Lube-mobile. Vince Serenti turns up. Lube-mobile.

If only I rang that when I was a teenager as well. Oh, you would have loved that. Instead of ringing shampoo-mobile. Should have called 13, 30, 32. We're about 45 minutes and he's just getting more and more frustrated and he goes, all right, fine, I'm going to start doing the other one. I go, what do you mean, the other one? He goes, yeah, yeah, this is all on one side.

I'm going to just do the other one quickly. Wait, are you that guy from Reddit with two cocks? The other ball. Oh, right, okay. And so he just walks around the table, does the other one. So there was a 40-minute job on one ball. That he hasn't finished yet. That he still hasn't finished, and then he just gives up

and goes to the other ball. Goes to the other one just to do it, and genuinely the other ball took three minutes. Right. He just went, felt the kick in the nuts. He goes, cool. And he goes, I've got that. Hold it in place with some clamps.

Goes back to the other side. And at this point he goes, you might need to come back because this is taking so long. It's just getting more and more swollen and agitated. And I went, not a fucking chance. Do it now. Do it now. What happens if you just get it half done?

Do you just get half a kid? I have to pray it's twins so I get a whole one. Right, right, right. So he's done that. He goes back and he's there. And at this point I go, all right, this is going to take long. Nick Cody's run out of small talk. Classic Nick Cody.

He's talking about froths. He's talking about UFC. He's talking about the UFC stuff. Really? He was taking a selfie next to the ball that was easy. He goes, thanks to all the legends who helped out with this. With his mouth open as well, which is not cool. It starts off, you're like, I don't need $2,000 that badly.

Knock me out, thanks. He's sitting there next to your balls in a business class seat as well. It just makes no sense. Yeah, fuck our friend. Take that. So when he goes back to the original ball. Back to the original ball, that's when I get my phone out and I take a selfie of myself and I could just go on Facebook and go,

I'm getting a vasectomy right now, AMA, to try and distract myself. Ask me anything. Yeah, and then I'm just started talking. But the problem for that is because I was lying on my back typing, I was getting glimpses of what they were doing in there and I was seeing things getting touched and moved around and I was like, fuck, I can feel it more so I'm trying to. For people at home, Danny's doing violent gestures with his arms

and making me very uncomfortable. Like conducting. Yes. Was this the MSO working on you down there? It is like a trombone down there. So we've heard. And then he gets, so he goes back to that. He's still doing, I'm on Facebook.

We're doing, just trying to get it. 90 minutes later. No way. What? 90 minutes later. 90 minutes after the, when he goes back. From first needle. From first needle, right.

So after the 40 minutes when it's inflamed or whatever, he's then gone on and done another 50 minutes. Yeah. Trying to find it. That is, that is. Your two balls should be called Dave Thornton and Lee Moten. No, one was really quick. Oh, one jumped early.

Yeah, one jumped early. Oh, I'll say one, let's call one Becky Lucas and then one Lemo. Yep. Fucking hell. Well, bless my Becky balls. But everything's okay? Everything's fine now, but then, this is the worst. So after 90 minutes of just me constantly on edge

that agony's going to restart at any moment and just running out of small talk and fearing that I'd have to come back and live through all this again, he goes, I got it, I got it. We're sweet. We've got it. And I go, thank fuck, we finished.

And he goes, yeah, almost. But now's the painful part. Oh, no. Get fucked! So what was all the lead up then? What was the fun bit? The lead up was finding it and getting it ready. Then they solder that tube to the scrotal wall

so it can't hook up again. Yeah, yeah. And that is like an electronic solder thing. I need a better word than solder. But it's pretty much what it is. And I got through electricity, welded it there, and it feels like you're being kicked in the nuts in Morse code because it's like a... Oh, how crazy.

Yeah. And is there post-surgery pain as well? Oh, yes. Well, for me especially because they always... Because you've got a massive car. Because it'd been like 90 minutes of him messing around. Of course. There was a lot more scar tissue and stuff.

It would have been a nightmare. Yeah. They had to... I mean, they obviously took 90 minutes to build all the scaffolding around it as well. So the pyramids. Had to get a planning permit from the council. There's a thousand slaves came in. They needed a, you know, it was that big, they needed a disabled toilet by council laws

to be built around it. A wheelchair ramp. Exactly. Accessibility. That's what they needed. Painful for you But worse for the wife By the sounds of things

But anyway So and then Do you go back And do you submit a sample So that they know That everything's dead Yes I have to wang into a cup At a pathologist

In mid-Jan So Life dumbed up Do you guys want to Tommy I hear you're Experienced in this now Yeah I'm in Yeah

And then they'll know If it's worked. What if they say to you then that it hasn't worked? Apparently, you just keep wearing condoms until it... And you keep going back and giving samples every month until you're clear. But you're right, Tommy is now experienced. Marty, you don't know this,

but Tommy spent a bit of time in WA jerking off balls. Is that a fact? Yeah, learning how it's done. Yeah, so he's... Well, I mean, you've only jerked off balls. You've never jerked off something the size of Danny McGinley by the sound of it. So by balls, do you mean David Warner? Or are you wanking actual balls?

Not Queensland Bulls cricket team. I did about 15 balls, which I think probably combined equals one Danny McGinley. Right. So from what we hear from all the reports. They provide the same amount of bullshit, I'd say, by the sound of it. Is there a manual thing where you're literally wanking a bull? You basically put a thing up there, up the bull's ass, that stimulates an erection. Right, okay.

And then you just kind of hold a cup there, and it just gives it a cup. And it does the rest. So bulls and humans aren't that different, because you've still got the same G-spot in that. So you could literally go- You're just milking the prostate. In January, you could go around and stick one of those electric vibrators up Danny McGinley's ass. Yeah.

I assume. If you're up for it. Well, I'll give it a go, yeah. I'll give it a go. You don't have to. I've had worse things happen to me. Oh, well, why are we talking about that? It's only at the end when I started to make jokes with them.

After the soldering. After the soldering. And I said, the whole thing cost $1,000. Oh, really? Got some money back from Medicare. And I said, wow, so I've just paid $1,000 to have two guys mess around with my balls for 90 minutes. That's pretty standard. I realised the longer you take, the worse a gigolo you are.

Right, right, right. That's when he starts saying, I'm losing money now. Oh, actually, I've left out a bit of gear he did because when he said, we've got to solder it now, he goes, the painful bit is yet to come. No pun intended. Oh, no. And then he looked back at me and he just went,

see, I'm great at this. No, I'm off that. That's no good now, let alone when he's got your dick in his hand. Yeah, that's right. Trying to rip it off or whatever he's doing. Well, give us a look at your cock then. Genuinely, for a few days, because it was scarred and purple, I was calling it the Joker.

There he is. Want to know how I got these? Now, look, it's worth asking at this point, is this a trial show? Are you trying out your comedy festival show on this show? I don't think I'll be doing this gear. Right. Maybe in a couple of years when it's still a bit traumatic. Yeah, right, right.

I wanted to talk it through with Max. I know, you should be doing it now while it's real. All right. Did you get any update, like, did you get any info from him about where you rank in terms of, was that, like, the longest procedure he's ever done? Yes. Oh, I thought you were going to say,

have they got, like, a Top Gear thing where they put, like, the biggest dick? Oh, right. Danny McGinley. Stars with a reasonably sized dick. Yeah, yeah. He's a, oh, right, great, finally he's someone to beat John Hamm. Right.

Boom. Danny McGinley. I couldn't beat Shervington, though. Right. No, no, no. He's very hard to John Hamm. Right. Boom. Danny McGinley. I couldn't beat Shervington, though. Right. No, no, no. He's very hard to beat. Damn it. Yeah.

Yeah, no, I said, is that the longest of all time? And he went, definitely the longest I've done. And I asked Rob Sitch, he's a doctor. I go, what's the longest you've heard of? And he said, one guy took 25 minutes. I'm like, hey. Oh, my God. Wow.

You're doubling down. Mate, you tripled that time. Wow, big dick. And you know the bloke from Have You Been Paying Attention as well. That's right. Wow. Just the things keep piling up on your CV. Yeah, we need to put this out there, folks.

If you're listening, if you've had a vasectomy, if you know someone who's gotten a vasectomy, let us know. Like, yeah, we could be finding out that you are a Guinness World Record holder. But there wasn't someone from Guinness at present. Well, still. But, you know, we got eyewitnesses. Cody and Badger were there. Yeah, true. That would be weird if you did bring a Guinness person in

thinking, I reckon my dick's going to take a long time to figure out. I've got a good feeling about my balls being pretty fucked. The right one's feeling a bit gammy. I reckon I'm going to really chew up some time. It was the right one. Yeah.

That really fucked things up. It's always the right one, mate. Yeah. But apparently, I've spoken to a bunch of blokes who've had this done. And one guy said, sometimes you go in and they scan you first to sort of check that, like an x-ray, just to see if all the tubing and everything's going to be easy. Because you might not need it. And yeah, well, one guy said, they said, what's happened to you?

And he said, I ride my bike everywhere and I always wear briefs. And they went, you can't have kids. Oh. It's a mess. It's a mess up there. We don't need to do this. And he was like, oh, okay, cool, thanks. What about reversing it?

Yeah, they say consider it irreversible. They can reverse it, but it's very expensive and very painful. How long would that take? Yeah. I'd be there for a week. Exactly. Because they make that sound quite flippant. Oh, you can get it reversed.

Yeah, no. But you can't. No, they say consider you can't. But what they can do if you do want to have kids is they can go literally into your ball with a syringe and extract sperm that way. Who could be bothered? But I prefer the old-fashioned way. Yeah. Yeah, that's right.

That is, oh, God. To reverse something, like, if that's such, like, it should be easy to fuck something, to wreck something. All you have to do is drop it, and it takes one second. To fix it takes ages. Yeah, so to fuck yours took an hour or however long. 90 minutes. 90 minutes.

Yeah. To unfuck your balls, that would be. A month. Weeks. 90 minutes to unfuck your balls. That would be. A month. Weeks. That'd be weeks. Weeks. Yeah, that'd be weeks.

You would need council permits for that. Yeah. So I recommend it to everyone. Sounds pretty cool. Jesus Christ. I'm still in a bit of pain now just from the incision scars and stuff. Like I have to move how I sit every now and then. But yeah, you've got to put ice packs on, you know,

20 minutes on, 40 minutes off. It's like F45. Interval training. I've just put an ice pack on there and I was holding it in place and the ice pack was way too cold for my hand, but my balls couldn't feel it just because of the numbness. Right. And that was weird.

And showing how overly comfortable I was, a mate came around the next day, a friend of the show, Sammy J, who I live near, and he came around just to check. And I just kept changing the ice pack. It was only the third time. And I went, oh, this is probably quite confronting, doing this in front of you. I was just too relaxed. You were just like dick out in front of... No, no, no. I was just like shoving it down the oh right okay right yeah yeah yeah we're not that close

yeah no i was gonna say you there but i look like randy down there so it was right pants pants still around the knees yeah i thought that was i thought that was just another like trying to big yourself up as having a big dick yet again just by going in front of someone putting an ice pack down there going if it gets too warm and erect man you won't too warm and erect, man, you won't be able to... Yeah, that's right. We won't be able to fit you in the same room. I need to keep it, you know, we need to keep shrinkage happening at all times.

Yeah. Or you have to leave. Would you ever get it done, Carl? Do you think you'd get to a point in your life where you've had the amount of kids you want to have? Yeah, yeah. No, I... Especially after that story, no.

But this is the worst. As far as we know. People will probably chat to us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. I've never considered it. I've always been like, okay, well this is the risk or this is the precautions or whatever it is. But no, I don't think so. You just keep churning them out. Eight kids deep, refusing to get the snip. Well,. You just keep churning them out, eight kids deep,

refusing to get the snip. Well, it's not really churning it out when you have one when you're 42. He's not far off just being impotent forever. Nature running its course. Yeah, I don't know. I've got a good feeling about my boys. All right.

I think they're all right. Yeah, your cock will be fine. Yeah, I think so. I did realise with our second child, my wife gave birth, because once a woman's given birth once, the body knows how to give birth easily. The technical term... There'll be ladies out there screaming.

Probably. Screaming at you at the moment. Well, apparently the term is a proven womb. A proven womb? God, that's an awful term, isn't it? It's like the word barren. Oh, yeah. It's like, oh, is there a worse thing you could say?

Yeah, that's bad. Barren. Oh, please. So she gave birth pretty quickly with the second child. Yeah. Like, might have even been less time than my, than the 90 minutes. Your procedure. Yeah.

So really, I think I'm- Oh, you're the- I think I could be a men's rights activist now. Yeah, right. Any argument we go, well, I gave birth, it's like, well. Yeah. So really, I think I can be a men's rights activist now. Yeah, right. Any argument where you go, well, I gave birth, it's like, well, no. I can one-up you. I've got a thick cock. You gave birth, but I'll never help someone give birth again,

which is one-up at the moment. Yeah. Oh, God. You want to get one, Tommy? Maybe. She's got two kids. Yeah, but we're old now. So our days of worrying about sort of surprise pregnancies are over.

Right. You're free. We're old. You're free. We're like 40s. You just do whatever you want. Well, yeah, we still sort of, you know. Just to make sure.

Just to make sure. Yeah. I'm doing only anal. Yeah. Just to make sure. Just to make sure. Yeah. I'm doing only anal. Yeah. You're copying it. Only anal. It's the only way to do it. I am being pegged at home.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You would not believe. It's the only way to make sure. From Terry next door. They put a condom over the peg just to be extra safe. I'm like, Terry, why are you always here rooting me? It's the only way to be safe. At least take the tea towel off the peg first. Oh, Terry, why are you always here rooting me? It's the only way to be safe. At least take the tea towel off the pig first.

Oh, Terry, you big pig. No, you do reach a point where you just get too old. Well, I reckon Tommy would be the most chance out of anyone to get one, I reckon. That's my guess. Pre, like, no. Because you're on the record as not wanting a child. Yeah. So, in this room.

Yeah, so you reckon as a form of just permanent, as just not even cutting myself off after having a couple of kids. Yeah, not even after, not even being in a relationship, like the loneliest form of all, just doing it just to make sure your hand doesn't get pregnant. Would they do that? If I went in, I'm like 33, no partner, just doing it just to make sure your hand doesn't get pregnant. Would they do that? If I went in, I'm like 33, no partner, just know that I never want... Surely there'd be like an ethical thing with it.

The pre-interview, as I said, that you do two months before. Oh, really? That's what it was all about. That was just checking that you're doing it for the right reasons. Really? So I just brought in my two-year-old daughter and she was just running around and he's going, so you sure you're done with kids? And I went, yeah, put that down, put that down.

Yeah, I'm fairly certain, mate. Yeah. Right. What was she putting down? She was just picketing. Yeah, right. She was just lost. The world you always do without kids, though, isn't it?

Yeah. Now that you look back on it, now that you've got kids, you're like, what did I do before kids? Why didn't I do more? Tommy Daslo. That's the man. A lot of gaming, Marty, is the answer. Mate, you should be travelling the world.

A lot of Overwatch. Pardon? You should be travelling the world. Well, this guy had a kid and has done more travelling in the last year than I think he had in the couple of years previous. That's because he's an awful father. A real lesson. A real lesson in how life doesn't have to grind to a halt.

I nearly got another one away in December. I know. I nearly got another one. Another trip. Yeah. I nearly got a third one whilst I had a kid within eight months. Oh, my God. That's taken me absolute piss.

I know. I know. And how long are these trips going for? Well, the first one was two weeks, and then the second one was one week. Two weeks is too much. I know. That was... A week's okay.

A week I got away with, two weeks was a bit much. Yeah. It was a bit taking the piss a little bit. Yeah. Now, what have we had? Yeah, we've had, of overseas, London. How long was that? Was that...

Oh, fuck, I even forgot about that. Yeah. That's another one. Oh, Jesus. That was two weeks. All right. Four. I nearly got away with four.

Sorry. Jesus Christ. But are these work trips? You're doing this overseas though, aren't you? Yeah. So London and Serbia for two weeks. Yeah. Then Thailand for two weeks.

Yep. Doing this stuff. Yep. And then I just did a week in Thailand for just, well, look, because we were supposed to go as a family and then she pulled out and I went Well I can still go because I need a break From all the fucking work I've been doing And she begrudgingly agreed to that Okay

Well she sounds like really hard work You couldn't get six weeks off? What's wrong with her? If you're having to use the phrase A real ball and chain Oh mate you've really tied yourself down to use the phrase... A real ball and chain. Oh, mate, you've really tied yourself down there. More of a beach ball and chain. Oh, my God.

I'm not sure if you understood how good your life is. That was at Marriott. Well, considering I just forgot an overseas holiday. Marriott, Carl's wedding. If you were going to do the stats of the words that were said in speeches, the word patient came up a lot. I think that won by a country mile. Oh, mate. To be fair, I think I said it at once, though.

At least I admit it. It was you screaming at your parents, stop saying fucking patient! What if she turned around and was like, hey, I want to go have a week in Bali next week? Well, Bali would be the issue. Right. I don't believe in Bali, so...

No, Bali sucks balls. Your giant balls. I think I might go then. I was really underwhelmed by Bali. Good. I was like, oh, this is gross. When did you go? Oh, Lumo's wedding.

Oh, right. Very nice. So Lumo's wedding sucked. No, Lumo's wedding was great. Right. But, you know, the beaches are filthy. It's just like some infrastructure is not going to kill you guys. Yeah, right.

Do you know what I mean? Just a bin at the end of the street. Fuck me. Limo's vows went for too long. The wedding was great, but... Rosenbach's tried to kill himself just to get out of there. Don't eat peanuts, you idiot. You know you're not allowed to.

I don't care how drunk you are. Yeah, yeah. That's when you should be on high alert. Yeah. You know what I mean? If you know that nuts can kill you... Yeah, toast with a champagne, not with a Snickers, mate. I think Liam's ended up that night with him.

I did, in hospital. On the wedding night. Yes. The way we all dream. Yeah, that's wedding or go. Carrying Rosenbachs over the threshold in the hospital. It's faster. Could this night possibly end with me and Rosie in the hospital?

Rosenbach's so swollen he's bigger than McGinley's dick at that point. But no, I'm a big not fan of Bali and I haven't even been there, so I'm glad that you say, yeah, you don't rate it. I mean, it's quick, it's easy, particularly if you're leaving it from the west coast. It's like three and a half hours away. Yes, exactly. I can see why people from Perth.

Yes. But now, yeah, so you were at Limo's wedding, which was a big star-studded affair for a comedian in Bali. And so a lot of people said to me, why don't you have your wedding in Koh Samui? And I said, well, the difference between me and Limo is his friends are Marty Sheargold, Dave Hughes and Will Anderson, and my mates are fucking Tommy Dassler and Nick Capper.

So I'd be struggling to get them to come to fucking Melton for my wedding, to be quite honest. We had to hire a bus to get out to yours and it was a real stretch. Some people wouldn't pay for the bus to get out there, would they? A few people didn't chip in. They couldn't chip in to get out to Zone 3 in Melbourne.

Carl, me chipping in for the bus was my wedding present. Yes. There was a bit of that going on. There was a little bit of that going on. Look at Chandler with his destination wedding. Destination weddings suck. Yeah. Don't they?

Well, look. Look, again, the limo one, the dream. You went to a destination wedding. You went to Lawrence Mooney's wedding recently. That's right. Yeah, very nice. Positano. Yes. It looked beautiful. It was. It was a destination wedding. You went to Lawrence Mooney's wedding recently. That's right. Yeah, very nice. Positano. Yes, it looked beautiful.

It was. It was a good affair. But it's still, you know, as great as it is, logistically, you've got to make it happen. I did get, I've talked about this. I've talked about this on the very first episode we ever did, but I got invited to a destination wedding. It was in England.

And then the Bucks week was in Portugal. Oh, my God. So we had to commit to a week in Portugal. And then the wedding in England. And then the wedding was a week away after that. So I was like, entertain yourself for a week, by the way, boys. Free time. Yeah, free time.

But that's a three-week commitment to what is a two-hour ceremony. Yeah. Yeah, totally. You're like, I will not take frivolous trips like this until I have a child. I will not have six weeks overseas. I'm not wasting my good bachelor time on something like this. Until my child is under 12 months old. Until my child needs a serious father figure involved.

There's no use going overseas until I can just absolutely waste that. The risk, though, if you have a destination wedding, is the mates that you want to be there have work commitments or aren't terrible fathers. Yes. And the people who do come are the ones you're like, oh, okay, I'll just sort of, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, you did right.

Because, yeah, there's people that are like, you know, I'm having it here and you go, you've just given me an excuse to not come. Yeah. You know, if it was down the road, I'd be there. Yeah. It's a good way to get out of it. Yeah. Yeah. Totally.

I think Mike Goldstein's having a destination wedding. He got married last week? Mike Goldstein. I think. No, he didn't. No, he didn't. He went to a wedding. Ah, okay.

You fucking idiot. I don't care. What's Mike's boyfriend's name? Oh, God. Absolutely got him. Shannon. Absolutely. Good boy's name. Sick burn, chicks. got him. Shannon. Good boy's name.

Sick burn, chicks. Sick burn. That's how it's done, folks. That's how it's done in commercial radio. It's that easy. Are you gay? Give us a call. What is his boyfriend's name?

Whoa, twice. He went there. That is, again, guys, if you want to get into radio, that's called a callback. That is just double dipping. Oh, my God. It's not going to get into radio, that's called a callback. That's a callback. That is just double dipping. Oh, my God. It's not going to get any better than that. It probably won't.

Where's his destination wedding? Hawaii. Well, he's American, isn't he? He's Canadian. He's American. Yes. And she's Australian, so it's halfway. Because Hawaii.

What's Hawaii? 12, 13 hours in a plane? Yeah, I think so. Something like that. It's a big commitment, isn't it? I think so. It's not. You can't duck over for three days.

No, you're right. You're right. You've got to find a week. And if you just want a tropical island, there's bloody millions. Halfway, you can go to New Caledonia, Vanuatu, Fiji. Thailand. What about Daydream, guys? Hammo.

Easter Island. Hammo Island. Manus. Destination wedding on Easter Island. Christmas Island. Manus Island. What about Manus Island? Yeah, that sounds nice.

Beautiful. I didn't realise how far away Christmas Island is. For some reason, I don't know why, I thought Christmas Island was just off Adelaide. Where is it? It's like fucking eight hours away or something, isn't it? It's like below India. Yeah. It's fucking ages away. If I was those refugees, I'd be like, no, I don't

want to go there. That's too far away. I'm pretty sure they are like that. Oh, okay. That was sort of the joke. Alright. Alright, guys, we'd better wrap it up for another week on the Little Dun Dun another week Thank you for having me Marty Shegold, Danny McGinley, thank you very much for joining us Marty Shegold's back

doing stand-up comedy He's got a show on the Comedy Festival coming up Yes, in Melbourne, and then around the country martyshegold.com It's just self-titled, is it? It's just Marty Shegold I was going to do Willosophy and then I thought, no, I can't do that Right, fair enough

Marty is Sheargo, I can't do that. Right, fair enough. Marty is sheer gold. All of that. I don't get it. And I don't understand this drive for everyone to do a new hour every year. Relax. Yeah. That's just what happens, I guess. I mean, well, you're the opposite.

You've done one new hour every 22 years. That's right. And even new is a stretch there. You'd be surprised what you can do with 20-year-old material. Marty has been hitting the clubs. He's just sold out a bunch of... You just sold out the Athenaeum a couple of times, which is where we're going next April.

Oh, well, that'll be fun. What are you doing the festival there too? No, we're doing just our own show there. Yeah, but this live? Yes. Yeah, good. Yes. Because we were talking about whether you were going to do that, so you obviously decided to do that.

Yes, absolutely, yes. Good call. Yeah, so we'll be doing it on April 25 for people who haven't bought their tickets yet. Close to selling out. It's what the diggers fought for, Marty. Shut up! Don't say that. People have remarked that it's on Anzac Day, which we didn't know, and also, people play a game of fucking football on Anzac Day, so you're allowed to go And also, people play a game of fucking football on Anzac Day.

So you're allowed to go to it. Yeah. I know. Why are you so defensive? Because people have already hit us up and gone, oh, fucking this. It's like, you can have respect for what's happened without, and still leave the house. Yeah, that's right. I don't know.

It hit a nerve. Some people have hit me up. I'm like, shut up. It's just a scheduling thing, mate. Yes. It's fine. I'm excited about it. People go to just a scheduling thing, mate. Yeah, it's fine. I'm excited about it. People go to things on Good Friday.

People go to things on Christmas Day. You're allowed to do it. Shut up, McGinley. Stop having a go at me. It's not like you did it on Australia Day. I'm as tender as your balls at the moment. You just need another holiday, mate. You can get rid of that kid.

Danny, you got things you want to plug? Yeah, I'm doing the festivals next year as well, starting in Brisbane on Feb 28. My show is called A Day at Chernobyl. About the time I, on my honeymoon, did go and visit the world's worst nuclear disaster. Wow, and you were still fertile after that. That's weird.

Where do you think all the thickness came from? It's just mutations. Oh, great. Did you get the cock out over there? I wasn't there for a haircut. Wanking at Chinoa.

Oh, that's a way better title. Fuck! Well, this has officially been the blokiest episode we've ever done. Yeah, big time. Farewell forever

to all of our female listeners, by the way. All right, we'll miss both of you. Guys, thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. They've done it again. They have.

There's a lot of testosterone in that episode, I reckon. That was a very horny male-focused, not so much horny, but a very masculine episode of The Little Dum Dum Club. This, of course, being Talking Dum Dum, the show where we wrap up the goings-on in the week of The Little Dum Dum Club, this will be a bit of a different flavour. This won't be as masculine. No, this is less Top Gun and more Breakfast Club, I reckon.

Yeah. We bring a bit more of a dainty feminine touch to the way we do things. There's more of a doily underneath this section of the show. Exactly. You know, we don't always agree with what those snotty, bratty, little, disgusting, grotty little boys do in the little dum-dum club. But, you know, here we keep it fancy. We extend our pinkies as we call each other cunts. This is more The View compared to Top Gear that just happened just before us.

Exactly. Yeah. We're the view. We're on the couch and on the big screen behind us, you can just see the Westgate. Yeah. Great. The view of the Westgate.

Perfect. No, but that was a good episode. Fun episode. It was fun. Lots of good content. Good to have Marty Sheargold back. We had him once in before. We didn't say this on the show.

I should have probably said that within the episode, but I think the first time he was on, he didn't really know what the fuck was what we were doing or who we were. Yeah. Because I think Mooney, it was an episode with Lawrence Mooney, and they're thick as thieves, those two great mates, and he just got him in for a favour for us, I guess.

Yeah. And now I sort of have got to know marty yeah so because he's been back doing stand-up he's been doing your rooms a lot as we talked about yeah yes so um that was a lot more relaxed and he was he was the one who was actually asking oh why don't you why don't i come on your show yeah so um that was a lot more fun um as i got a text at midnight last night as i was trying to go to bed go to sleep last night i got a text from marty shegold midnight saying um just one question um do you know if danny mcginley got a vasectomy or not i said i'm not i'm not sure i'm gonna have to listen back yeah the danny mcginley show but you know like we always say someone coming in with a story oh baby we love it please he was

trying to fast forward through us trying to stop him and make sure we we put some meat on those bones but um yeah no thank you thank you for providing uh a nice little through line don't you know a fun little fun little episode i love it when anyone puts something that i can just put shit on rather than me having if i can bring something great perfect thank you very much great yarn um We did mention at the top of the show that there is some news. Here's the news section of the show. We have been talking for a little while about we, of course, are doing the 500th episode on April 25 on the Saturday night in Melbourne. Next, in 2020.

Athenam Theatre. Athenam Theatre in Collins. 2020 coming up very quickly. How do you feel about that? Look, you know what? I'm not going to try and stop it. I'm fine with it. Right.

Have you tried in the past to stop years as they were? 2020. What about 2019? Were you trying to? I was trying to stop 2020 ages ago. Right. And I felt like it was working because it was ages away. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But in hindsight, I think it was just really still slowly coming right i just it just looked like it wasn't coming anymore it was so far away you've learned perspective i thought i it was partly to do with me but now that it's rapidly approaching and i'm using the same techniques nothing's happening i'm realizing that was a fool's errand 2020 is like the roadrunner to your coyote you're just being outsmarted by the speed at which it's travelling. Yes, yeah. I'm putting up fake holes in rocks. You're painting a tunnel.

It's going straight through that tunnel. But the news being that that's on sale. That's all well and good. We've been saying that we're going to do a limited season before that. Usually in April we do a bunch of shows. We do four, five, maybe even six shows. What we're going to do is we're going to do two shows, two Saturday afternoon shows.

They are happening on April 4 and April 11 at 4 p.m. Now, they are, as we speak, as you're listening hot off the presses, they are now on sale right now. Now, we've just put these up as this episode has dropped. Now, they've been on sale to the Patreon listeners, as they would know. They know about this already. So quite a few tickets have been bought by those people already. Just another bonus of being a Patreon subscriber to the show.

So you can go to patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. They've got the heads up. They've got their little tickies already. But to the rest of you serfs, yeah, you've now got access to that information. So get on there. Have at it, you peasants. Yes. Go and get your tickets.

There is two shows. They are not at the Athenaeum. They're not 1,000-seaters, so there is limited seating for these ones. Limited seating, a bunch of them gone already. So, yeah, if you want to come, get on it very quickly. As we mentioned last week, I think it was, these will be our dress rehearsal warm-up performances for the big 500th one. Our trials.

You'll see our best 500 gear happening on 498 and 499, I assume. Yeah, looking off notes, you know, being like, oh, that. Our director will be side of stage. Yep. Yep. We'll have. That won't be in the finished show. We'll have guests.

We'll be running through guests, rehearsals with guests to make sure to see if they're good enough for the 500th or not or whether we need to get a new actor. Yeah, so that'll be much fun. So get onto that. Also, while you're on that little website, while you're on littledumbdumbclub.com, looking at those tickets, there are other tickets available as well.

Now, we've been mentioning this in the last couple of weeks about our own individual solo stand-up shows. Tommy Dassler, I'll let you have the honours. My show is called Meatball. It's on for the entirety of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, 7.35pm. Not quite sure why it's such an oddly specific time. Well, it's got to be a time, you know.

It's got to be one time. 7.35 is very funny. No, that is an odd time. Having to sit there and like... That is an odd time. Look at... Oh, cool, 7.30. Five minutes to go.

Time to just like count down that minute hand. Yeah. Well, Brett Blake had something to do with the organising, so I think he might have the word disease that he has for numbers as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, 7.35 at the Cooper's Inn and then you have your show.

Your show's called? Oh, sorry. My show's called Meatball. Right. Off the back of a thing I talked about on this show, a high school nickname of mine. We've been relaxing off that lately, but I was trying to remember to call you Meatball for a while. Yeah.

That was quite – I love it as a nickname. And I did say – I said at one point on the show, I'm going to call my festival show that. You did say that. And that's the only reason I've done it. Yeah, yeah. Even though as I've gotten closer, I've been like, I don't know if it's a particularly good title.

I reckon there might be one other reason. You haven't thought of anything else. That could go into the mix. Yeah, well, just as soon as I'd said that on the show, I was like, well, I'm not going to think of anything else because I i said that on the show i was like well i'm not going to think of anything else because i've said that i've got to hold up to that but i got my posters done my photos done for my poster it's me eating a big bowl of spaghetti and meatballs big italian restaurant style checkered tablecloth behind me yeah i am just really leaning all the

way into this fake italian surname i'm absolutely stealingog Valor is what I'm doing with my show next year. I'm sure you're allowed to say that, but yep. Excuse me? So, and me, you've asked me about my show. Okay. My show's called, as we talked about on the episode in Tasmania, my show's called Carl Chandler. Please call me Carl.

Mr. Comedy was my father. So I put up a little bit of a survey in the people aware of the Little Dumb Mom Club group and that was the winner and I was like, yeah, sure, because I did talk about Carl Chandler's Ostar special.

That got a good response from everyone but I'm just a little bit still worried about if everyone knew what Ostar was. But I've said this one-on-one to a lot of people. A lot of people have reacted well to it. But then the vote in that survey was like, it came second. I was like, yeah, you know what, I'll go with the father one. I'll go with the Mr. Comedy one.

So that's what I've gone with. And that's at the European Beer Cafe. I believe that's April 6 to 18. No, maybe it's 5. Anyway, it's 6 to 18. I think there's going to be one straight after the live podcast on the 11th. Oh, okay. So when we do the live podcast on April 4 and April 11,

straight after the 11th, there will be a chance to see my show straight after that, if you want to hang around afterwards. Right. Great. So that's our new shows. If you want to go to littledumbdumbclub.com, a lot of new tickets available to multiple shows.

I'm looking forward to the tickets for the stand-up selling just as rapidly, if not more rapidly, than those tickets for the podcast. Absolutely. Maybe we should have given the Patreon people, you know, first go at that as well. They would have really appreciated that. People fucking fighting over them like the Boxing Day sales, just clawing each other's eyes out.

Few wild haymakers. Just, guys, getting quick before two of them are sold. No, they're still fine. They're all right. Yeah. Look, they're never going to be as big as the podcast, but that's fine. They always travel. Yeah, whatever.

Quite well. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for them. That's where you can also find links to the Patreon for the show, or you can head directly to Patreon.com slash little dumdum club we send out some bonus rewards every month we send out an extra episode of this we send out a little magazine that we

do a bunch of drawings for and little articles and it's always gets a great response people are always really into it we had a fun day the other day writing and drawing the latest magazine because we always we're like fun day the other day writing and drawing brutal um the latest magazine um because we always we're like okay well the november one comes out in november well we got so busy with all of our different little things bits and pieces um including your exhibition

that's now finished that we were like fuck we've got to talk about that and then we haven't talked about that for the last two episodes yeah we'll talk about on the next one that people will hear in 2020 yeah um so so that that's your job to get that in there yep i know um so that happened with you i had a lot of work on so all of a sudden we had a whole magazine to to fucking complete on the last day of november to make sure we weren't putting out a november issue in december brutal um and you did you did your work at a music festival side of stage. I drove. My friend was playing at a music festival in Ballarat.

He's from Sydney. He flew in. He said, hey, are you able to drive me? I can get us a hotel. We'll have a fun day. I'm like, great. And then it was me sitting backstage. We had to get there at 10 a.m.

Me sitting backstage drawing the comic because I usually do. For people who don't get it i do like a four-page comic or so i was trying to write that and draw it as i was writing it to maximize my time i then kept because i'm sitting backstage at a music festival i kept running out of power and there was no powerpoint near me so i kept having to go over to the stage where my friend was playing he was playing all day charge my phone for a little bit and just kind of kill time. How did I kill time?

Having beers with him. So you're unplugging his decks at different stages and sticking your laptop charger in. More or less. So then it's like, okay, cool, the iPad's charged. I can go back to drawing for a bit. And then it's like I did that cycle about three times. It gets to like four and I'm like, I still don't have an end for the comic. I'm literally just walking around the festival to just clear my head and try and work out.

Now, what can Blakey say to finish the comic? Just madness. And then got it finished at 5 p.m. and fuck me, that feeling was real good. Oh, man, I was having a similar thing. I was like beating my head against the wall and then just, all right, I'll go to the gym and clear my head. And like bring bits of paper in my pocket and a yeah just in case i think of something in between reps so yeah that was me and then coming back and finishing bits of pieces or whatever and just going fuck and having to try and explain to my wife what i was going mental about yes but yeah

but you know what i felt like with the comic in particular i was like poor boy far from my best work but then we put it out people loved it people were really positive about it yeah and also you know you were saying oh god not my best work and then i said i was like oh you did it it was good that's cool that's good to know yeah there was there was there's probably a little bit less detail than you would normally put in it but that's about it but in terms of like the writing i was like no this is funny look there were a lot of panels that were just literally copy and pasted from a visual point of view a bit of jim davis garfield big time yeah big time hannah barbara backgrounding well again the last page i was finishing off with like one percent

battery on the ipad going oh great i cannot do this fucking trip back to the stage again great just racing against the clock. But anyway, yes, you can get rewards. You also can get a reward that we don't have to be cramming in on the last day of the month. It's this bit right here where we read out a different number of names every week and we say thank you. Of course, there's the magazine and there's the bonus episode that we give out at different tiers.

If you go to patreon.com slash little dumb dumb club. Now, something we talked about maybe last week on Talking Dumb Dumb, we talked about the Bangkok Thai in Maribor. Did we talk about it last week? We talked about it for a little bit, but yeah. We talked about giving my mum homework. Yes. Going in a review. Yes. Yes. A written review that she'd have to send to me in mum homework. Yes. Going in a review. Yes.

Yes. A written review that she'd have to send to me in the post. Yes. Now, I said that to her. I talked to her on the phone the other day. And I explained that idea to her, which she was like, okay, all right. Not quite sort of getting her head around why that would be a good idea. Yes.

Not quite sort of getting her head around why that would be a good idea. Yep. But there's a tiny slight update on that, which has just then come to me via the text line, which is my mum's just texted me to say, just been out for dinner, Bangkok Thai. So she's been there tonight. She's just been there tonight. So now she's… She knows that she's got to go home. She's got to go home.

Fire up the… Get out the parchment and quill. Yep. Hit there tonight. Okay. So now she's... She knows that she's got to go home. She's got to go home. Get out the parchment and quill. Yep. Hit the desk. Go down to my old bedroom. Yep. And get on the desk. The only desk in the house is in my old bedroom.

Really? Sit there and write whilst being looked at by the old posters of 90s Liverpool players that are still on the wall. Steve McManaman. Stig Ingeborg. I've been in that room. I've seen them. On the sun-faded posters from Shoot magazine in the 90s. Have you given her a word count that she has to hit?

Oh, good question. No, I haven't. I've tried to give her a little bit of direction. Okay. But we'll see. We'll see. I'm looking forward to this. I'm very much looking forward to this.

Again, we're relying on the post so this will be on probably an episode in 2021 oh this will be you know what yeah this

this will be pretty soon I reckon this will be it depends if we do it in the guts of an episode or in Talking Dumb Dumb right if we do it in the normal talking if we do it in the normal episode this will be in two episodes time I reckon if it's in in Talking Dumb Dumb. Right. If we do it in the normal episode, this will be in two episodes time, I reckon. If it's in the Talking Dumb Dumb, we can do it next week.

Because I'm getting this review a few days after this right now. Right. As we're recording this. I think it'll be three episodes time if we put it in the guts, won't it? No. Okay. It won't be next week, so it'll be three episodes time if we put it in the guts, won't it? No. Okay. It won't be next week so it'll be the week after.

Because we're recording an episode the day I get this review. You're getting it on Sunday? Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. My parents are coming down

this week. Oh, okay. I literally thought we were relying on the post. Yes, we were but then they're coming down. Okay this week. Okay. I literally thought we were relying on the post. Yes, we were, but then they're coming down. Okay, right. So I'll get this handed to me. Excellent.

Yes. Great. Sealed envelope. All right. So another part of it is that, yes, we also do read out people's names and we say thank you to the people who support the show on Patreon. It's one of the many ways that we give back. We immortalise people's names.

People always rapped when their time finally comes up on the show. And, yeah, we have a technical, we have a very complex piece of machinery here to keep things fair and to make sure that the names are completely random. Of course, the unplanned title alternator. And we also do a different number of names every week. Yes. That's a good summation for anyone listening to this for the first time. Someone who's just stumbled into the room and just this has been already playing in

a room and you've walked past and just seen an iPhone with headphones playing by itself on a table and you've picked it up and gone, oh, what the hell is this? That's the podcast equivalent of like discovering a band that's just playing on a radio somewhere. Or you might be sitting next to someone on public transport and they've got those headphones that like leak very badly. And so you're sitting close enough next to them. You're like, what the hell is this? Yeah. Or you're in a, you know, in a JB Hi-Fi and wear like the Avatar that's being played on the big TV.

Oh, that would be good. We're the display podcast that's being played on speakers in JB. Yeah, why isn't our mole who works at JB Hi-Fi? Why isn't she doing that for us? You can't play this show. You can't play. Some of the stuff that she puts in store about us is pretty wild. It's the same thing about like, you know, you see some podcasts on planes now.

It's like, we're never going to get that one. Yeah, we're never going to get that one. We're never getting that one. Which is a shame. I'd love us to be on a plane. It would be great in flight entertainment. There's some shockers on the plane podcast choices on some of them. Well, I've never been on.

I've never indulged. You've never been on a plane. I've never been on. I've never indulged. You've never been on a plane. I've never been on a plane. I've never... I agree with you. I don't know what that means. Right. So, okay.

Let's crank this one up. Let's make someone's Wednesday. Yep. Yep. I'm always a little bit disappointed when we read names out and then we don't get any feedback from them for a couple of days. It's like, guys, you're Patreon subscribers. You're that invested.

You put money in and then you're not even listening to it on the day of release. Like this could be your week. This could be – Or maybe they're so overcome with joy that it takes them a couple of days to like really process. You know, they listen back to it again and again and again. Yeah, right. That's how I choose to feel.

They don't want their first reaction to be the reaction that comes to us. Yeah. You sit back and just calm down for a little bit. Yeah, exactly. Choose your words carefully. Yeah. Okay. All right.

That makes sense. All right. Let's see how quick these people respond on the social. I think that's maybe a good thing. And let's try and speculate about how quick we think they will respond. All right. Okay. Sure.

Let's do that. Thank you to Patreon subscriber number one for this week. Thank you to Erin Casey. Erin Casey strikes me as someone who's going to be right on it. I reckon we'll hear by COB Wednesday. I reckon we'll hear by COB Wednesday. I reckon the opposite. I reckon that Erin's going to drag her heels.

I don't recognise the name off the socials. I don't remember seeing this too much, which means that maybe she's not that active on it. So maybe we're not going to hear at all from her, maybe. Oh, you think're not gonna hear at all from her maybe for oh you think we don't hear at all that's interesting i would think like maybe she's never commented before that means she's more likely to just because she's you know she's saved herself up she's been saving it you know she's not one of these people getting in there going oh i saw the number 69 on a fucking on a house yeah you she's like, she's been waiting for the perfect post. And what more perfect post than, blow me down, you've done it again.

Yeah. I'm wrapped with the read of my name. That is, that's a good point because sometimes I think we think that the only listeners we have are the people that are just harassing us all the time and you see all the time putting stuff up. But you go, that's right, there are plenty of people that just, you know, like to enjoy something without getting online and fucking talking about it. I'll comment when there's something that's worthy of commenting on.

Now that I'm now into the world of listening to podcasts, like I was listening to a podcast today as I jogged here. I ran here. What were you listening to? I was listening to a podcast called The Anfield Rap, which is a Liverpool podcast, and it's the podcast that a guy that is part of it, that runs it, was at the first Koh Samui International Podcast Festival. Not because he ever listens to this show, because he was just staying at the Ozo at the time.

Right. And he was just seeing it happen every day and was like, what's this? And then just messaged us out of the blue going, oh, cheers, boys. I really didn't know what the fuck you were talking about, but I was staying there and having a beer every night and seeing you guys do your thing and that was a bit of fun. Right. Well done.

I was like, fuck. So then I – did we talk about this maybe? I don't think we mentioned this. Maybe I didn't mention this. But when we went to see Liverpool this week, this year. Oh, yeah, yeah. You hit him up? No, I think we put pictures of ourselves up on the socials about us at Anfield,

like watching the match. And then he messaged me going, fuck, you guys were here. We could have gone for a beer afterwards. I was like, ah, shit. Yeah, right. Yeah, so that's a bit of a shame. And so were you listening to the pod at the time? I was listening on and off, yes, at the time.

Right, okay. Yeah, back then, like six months ago or whatever it was. But now I'm sort of listing every week now. Right. Because it's... And what kind of Patreon rewards do they give out? But, well, this is a good example. I don't particularly follow them on socials, so...

Ah, you're one of those people. Yeah. Interesting. So now I'm one of... You know, I might be... I don't know. I might be like an Erin Casey. I don't know if Erin Casey's into the socials at all.

I might be like her. I'm now discovering that there are plenty of people that don't need to. Well, Erin Casey, get on the socials. You know, if you're one of those people, you've got to get on the socials and let us know. Yeah, yeah. Get on the socials and let us know that you're someone that doesn't get on the socials. Yes. Yeah, perfect.

Well, no, because it's like we're speculating when we're going to hear from her. Right. So maybe, hey, again, maybe this is the good, maybe this is the kick up the ass she needs to finally get onto Facebook. Yeah. Stop living your life successfully. Yeah. Waste it.

Get on there. Let us know. Let us know if you've ever seen someone with a T-shirt that says Rad Dad on it because that's something I've never seen. I've never seen that. Never seen that before. Never in my life. Just, and everyone, just, Just if you listen this far in, just please everyone know that I did not invent the term Rad Dad.

So when you see the term Rad Dad on a T-shirt, on a mug, anything like that, I did not invent that. This all came back from an episode where someone, I was asked to audition. I was asked to basically have the part of a Rad Dad in a catalogue. Yes. The role was offered to audition I was asked to basically have the part of a rad dad in a catalogue yes the role was offered to me yes

and that was a funny thing to me yes it's a funny phrase yes but we would be out of our minds to assume

that this podcast is what birthed the phrase yes rad dad that's not that's not a thing no

it happened well before anyway thanks Aaron yeah thanks Aaron good name Yes. Right, Dad? That's not a thing. No. It happened well before. Anyway. Thanks, Aaron. Yeah, thanks, Aaron. Good name. Four letters at the front, five at the back. Aaron always seems like something that's been spelled backwards, but it's not at all.

No. It just seems like an anagram, but it's not. Naya. It's not a word. No. It seems like a word, but it's not going to be a word. No. Aaron's a better name. What? Aaron's a better name than Naya. It's not a word. No. Seems like a word, but it's not going to be a word. No. Aaron's a better name.

What? Aaron's a better name than Naya. Oh, it is. Big call. Yeah. Casey, you like that? I like Casey. As a surname or a first name?

Both. Yeah, okay. I'll go with that. Yeah, not too bad. It's all right. Thanks, Aaron. Thanks, Aaron. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Daniel Randall

Daniel Randall I reckon this guy Is getting in touch On Friday I reckon Post lunch Friday This is him Psyching himself up

For the weekend Oh yeah He's like You know what Time to hit up the boys Oh do you Go on for beers After work

Do you reckon That this is when He listens to the show? He doesn't listen on the Wednesday when it comes out. It's like it's that classic 4 o'clock Friday thing where it's like, oh, I can write this off. No one does any work 4 o'clock Friday. I'm just going to whack the earbuds in, listen to the show.

Yeah. Get the, you know, the officers slacking off. Someone's coming along with a trolley full of Coronas. I'll grab one of them. Yep. Listen to the pod with a beer. Chuck the earbuds in. Yep.

Then I'm heading down. I'm hitting the pub after work with the boys. Yeah, right. There'll be some topics in the pod that I can then take into this social interaction. I should be like, oh, they were talking about anal on this podcast I listened to. You fellas ever done that? Classic kind of of stuff like that that'd be great you know that thing where like kids and i don't know whether you ever did this or not but uh i've heard of plenty of kids doing this where they'll they'll they'll listen to like a comedy album or they'll

see some sort of stand-up show and then they'll go to school and pretend the jokes are theirs yeah that's that's a recurring thing i've noticed in famous comedians' biographies. Right. They always have a story like that. Yeah. I can't help but think, what a fucking loser. That would be great if we had kids listening to this show and they're going in trying to replicate lines from our podcast. Oh, my God.

To a bunch of other people in grade five. Yeah. That would be fucking awesome. I'd have to assume they'd be pretty popular. Yes, I would too. I think this would kill. Yeah, I think me and you are not too far above grade five. Whatever we're talking about, you could say this to grade five kids.

I think we should be doing this pod. Instead of doing these live shows in bars, we should be being like, what's the giraffe that goes around teaching kids in the van? Harold. That's just us. The podcast van's pulled up. Come on, kids. Here's a bit of entertainment. And then it's just us. The podcast van's pulled up. Come on, kids. Here's a bit of entertainment.

And then it's just us talking about the rot that we usually talk. And the bus is just, you can just hear the laughter coming from suburb. These kids have never seen anything like it. That's what we should do. You know what? You know how there's, look, there's two ideas happening. There's two prongs happening about to come up. Right.

Now, one of them is with comedy festivals around Australia and even around the world, there is now a growing amount is uh with comedy festivals around australia and even around the world there is now a growing amount of kids comedy shows yes now they advertise that you can bring along kids under 10 or whatever and you see comedians then do a different version or just conjure a different act um that they think can play to eight to ten year olds or even younger whatever it is yeah it depends on the act. Some people don't have to do too much. Some people just take out the swearing. Yes, that sort of thing.

Some people that aren't that successful are desperately trying to find something that will pay the bills. Right. We do a live podcast for that. Can we do that? Can we – how would that go? A kid's podcast. A kid's live podcast.

Yeah. Well, that would be interesting because I've – yeah. It would be like a morning podcast where maybe this is the selling point. You put it out there to parents that have listened – to parents that listen to this show already, but they bring along their kids that they've let listen to it in the car or whatever. Well, then we would have to put out a special G-rated version of it for them to introduce the kids to.

Well, they may have done that already and they've just sort of gone mind the language or whatever it is. Right. But we particularly do a live show that is very G-rated. So what do we do in this live show? Are we just talking about clean stuff or are we really – when you say kids too, what age are we talking? Are we talking like pre-teens or are we talking like four-year-old?

Because the difference between us just being able to have a polite conversation versus like having to be fucking dressed up like a zebra and having a pillow fight, that's kind of the line in the middle. Well, I know. Look, I don't think – I think we're sticking to the podcast idea. So we can't have a pillow fight in a podcast, I think. So it's got to be – It's got to be conversation.

Okay. So we're aiming for like, yeah, 10, 11 or so. So either that or we do one of those things where we have an all-ages podcast. Okay. Yeah. So that means we're not particularly aiming at four-year-olds or anything. It's more like we're trying to get the cool teens in. Right, right.

That would be, man, that would be funny. Like, I mean, we do shows. I feel like the last couple of shows we've done, it's, you know, we've got an older audience. Like we've had, you know, it's been a lot of 30 pluses, aged 30 and above well above that well above that i would say um i would love to do it like a some sort of open all ages show where it's like we just focus on the teens to you know even we go for the team dollar yeah

yep that would be fucking amazing. Yeah. Yeah, I do really like the idea of the morning. And we card people. We card people on the way into the gig. So you can try and buy your tickets. We say, no, no, no, all right, you know, you're coming into the all-ages show and people are just like, no, I come to every show.

So I'm 34 and I'm coming anyway. No, no, no, we've got to bounce on the door. They're carding you. If you're 34 34 you're not allowed in well what's interesting about this is that i've been watching a great documentary on amazon prime about the grateful dead and they talk about how the dead get very popular early 70s and you know they're kind of like on this cutting edge of like you know 20 year olds coming to see them people in their 20s coming to see them because it's this like rebellious thing and then they

take a break for a little bit. And by the time they come back, when they come back is when the massive, massive boom of the deadheads really starts to happen. Because all those people that were 20-year-olds remember them and they're now in their 30s and they're working in positions where they're TV presenters or they've got money or they have some kind of influence where they can report about this thing and really start to get the word out and that's where the boom starts to happen.

So this is an investment in our future. We're getting these kids now. We're getting them when they're impressionable. Then we just take 10 years off to go live in Thailand. Then we come back. Guess what? All of a sudden, those kids that remember that one show that we did, they're all arts writers now and we're getting all the coverage. Great.

I love this idea. Let us know if you listen to this show and you're like between, I don't know, 14 and 20. I still don't know which one. I do like the idea of doing the parents and kids, like young kids in the morning. I think that's a very interesting challenge i do like the idea of doing the kid the parents and kids like young kids in the morning i think that's a very interesting challenge i like the idea i think it'd be easier for us to do the 14 to 21 for the teens yeah like the bloody what was it called push on the underage

festival yeah yeah we we do our own blue light disco yes there we go there it is blue light comedy yes yeah great means we can't book fleety as a guest because yeah you can't yeah i'll spell it out yeah sorry all right because yeah it'll be nice for us to do uh kids comedy as opposed to what we do now which is mentally kids comedy uh fuck how'd we get it out of? Thanks, Daniel. Thanks, Daniel. How did we get there? See you on Friday. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, right.

Okay, fuck, wow. God. Thank you to Patreon subscriber number three for this week, Cadel Watson. Now, I recognise this name for the social.

I recognise that name. He's, you know what he's doing? We're getting a Wednesday. He's not even waiting until the end of the shout out. He's typing the post now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's, you know what he's doing? He's not even waiting until the end of the shout out. He's typing the post now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like.

Before he's even heard what we're about to say. Exactly. Or we might retract it by the end and then he's got to delete the post. Right. We might get to the end of all this and then go, just kidding. Yeah. And then he's going to look like a fucking idiot. But Cadell, he'll be excited by this.

Yeah. I think if I know one thing about Cadell, it's that he'll be just... I'm pinning him in as a Wednesday. We're hearing from him on the Wednesday. Before lunch. Yeah. I reckon he's one of these guys. You know sometimes, because it's always very interesting where put the ep up at whatever time that happens to be.

And then it's like, whatever, it's two hours worth of content. And then within 30 minutes, someone's made a post about something that happens in Talking Dumb Dumb. So it's like, okay, well, you're adding yourself as one of these freaks who listens to it at five times speed. Or like anyone who it's like, you literally have gotten that the second it's gone online, taken it down immediately. And now you hear commenting on it.

I reckon he's one of these guys. I reckon we're getting a pre-lunch post from him. Hopefully, because it just sort of evens it up from the dragging of feet of, I predict, Aaron Casey and Daniel Randall will be doing. Did you agree with me on Randall? I reckon Randall's a Friday, I reckon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm completely

with you yeah it's four o'clock we'd be lucky to get one at 7 p.m on friday i reckon oh really yeah okay because he's he's had the he's had a couple of beers and then going oh i'm gonna get onto him and then he's gone and kicked on had a couple more and gone oh yeah maybe we get one at midnight where he's just fucked we might just get a drunken one yeah just like a dick pic yeah just going heard it dickheads here's my dickhead. God, don't give him ideas. Oh, God. But, yeah, I still think Aaron's coming in with a Wednesday,

but I reckon this guy is going to be the most punctual. He's going to be straight onto it. Yeah, I think so. Cadell just seems – the name Cadell just seems like pretty formal, pretty – not formal. Maybe formal's not – maybe anal is too strong of a word and too sexy of a word, to be honest. Yeah.

He's pretty clear-cut with what he's doing, and I think he'd be pretty businesslike, pretty official with his stuff. I just had to Google to verify something, and I've realized that is what's going on. The reason I think he's going to be so quick is because Canel is the same name as a famous bike rider. Yes. I had to Google the same thing as well.

Don't worry. I was like, is that the bike rider? No, it's not. It's not. No, but just that name. That's why that's in my head. That's why I think that's a speedy name. Something about it, I was like, why is this so...

Yeah, it's like, why do i think what do i think that this madonna smith seems so slutty oh that's right i've been influenced by another madonna i've i've met this guy sonic the hedgehog jones seems like he's gonna be in here pretty quickly now i can't quite put my finger on it yeah um yeah caddell we're getting one hot off the presses not much more to say about it, but who knows? Cadell Evans. He could be, you know... Weird character, I think.

If he's on the bike, if it's the same guy and he just changed the surname to throw us off the scent. Yeah, classic trick. He could be on the bike. He can't be on the phone. Cadell Evans. I remember someone telling me a story that they met him and he was just an absolute weirdo oh really it was weirdo just a weirdo look the sort of weirdo that you would um that you should be if your whole life is just out riding a bike uh yeah okay for fucking

yeah all day makes a lot of sense you can't. You can't be like a normal conversational person if you're just by yourself on a bike for nine hours a day. You can't be. No. You've got to enjoy your own company, which means you're not great at conversation, which means you're not great at relating to other people maybe. That's a very big generalization, but I'm going to stick to that.

Maybe you were fine at it, but you've spent so much time not doing it that you're just like out of practice. Yeah. Like, did you ever have that thing? Did you ever go to school and have someone join your class that had lived in like the outback or something like that? No, we never had anything like that.

Man, we had this kid once that moved. Maybe I've talked about it before, but it's – Man but it was such a weird, funny thing that this kid lived. He must have done correspondence, like flying over the radio, school over the radio. And then he moved to town. And this is Maribor. This is not fucking Metropolis. This is fucking. And we were like, check out Yokel McJones over here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like so weird. Great. His hair was combed weird and weird clothes. He walked weird. It was like he was like Tarzan. He'd never fucking seen another human being before. Yeah, right, right.

This is so weird. And like even as he grew up, it was like, I think he moved there in like grade three or grade four or whatever. And then even by the time of the end of school, high school, I remember still seeing him and going, you have turned into an even weirder person. Like the influence of civilization has only got you weirder for some reason. Yeah, right.

He just added fuel to the fire. He just put oil on the fire. So his parents thought, well thought this will normal him out. Yeah. And they must have been, you know, kicking themselves. Should have stayed in the fucking outback. Well, I think maybe they were weird as well. Oh, right.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So maybe they got weirder as well. I'm not sure. That is weird to make that. Actually, this guy, I just remembered, I think he, you know, I might be wrong with this. I reckon this guy then, once he got to 18, 19, 20 years old or something like that,

they sort of did something like, oh, well, you know, look, we, you know, one day we'll be gone. And I think they were sort of older parents. I think they maybe had him later in life. And I think they were a bit like, wow, instead of giving you the house in the will or whatever, we'll just put the house in your name now. And he's like, cool. Get out of my house.

Wow. Yeah. Sick. I think he kicked his parents out of their house. That is sick. He grifted them. Yeah. How's that?

For some fucking yokel that couldn't walk properly. Yeah, there you go. I reckon I remember talking to him. I reckon he learnt that from the big smoke of Maryborough. You're not going to find that in isolation. You're not learning that from the flying doctors, are you? Exactly, yeah. Yeah, you're not getting that over the CB.

Yeah. In the middle of the fucking... That's great. Someone over Moscow. Streslecky fucking desert. Yeah. He's had a fuck over your parents. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Man, I remember... Yeah, what a fucking weirdo. That's great. He, yeah, I think he, I think I remember having a conversation with this fucking weirdo. And at the same time, in the same conversation, it was like, I was like, well, man, what do you do now? And he was like, oh, I buy and sell Coca-Cola mirrors that I buy online. Fuck yeah. What a life. I buy online. Fuck yeah. What a life. That's sick.

Fuck. I'm going to, you know what, I'm not going to say his name but I'm going to try and follow up with people I know still in Maribor just to see if they can track,

if they know any update on this guy. Yeah, about how the parents took that. Whether they became homeless in Maribor. Yeah. Thanks, Cadell.

Thanks, Cadell. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Trevor Hungerford. Wednesday morning. Yeah. I mean, it's kind of boring to just say the same answer for all of them. But Trev is big time. I haven't. I've said Aaron maybe never.

Daniel, Friday afternoon. But I'm saying Cadell and Trevor, Wednesday morning. I reckon Trev, Wednesday night. Wednesday night, okay. Wednesday night. I reckon he listens to it pretty quickly, but then he gets distracted. He keeps, he's at work, he keeps thinking all day, I'll get to that, I'll get to that.

Something comes up. Hey, I hate to say it, Trev, a family emergency. Oh. That's, fuck,. A family emergency. Oh. So he's... That's... Fuck, this has gone dark. So he's dealing with that. He's dealing with that all afternoon, well into the evening.

We went from... Cadel, what's an eye? You sound a bit like you ride a bike. Trevor Hungerford. Your fucking dad died. He killed himself. Yep. And then the dust settles.

Maybe 8pm, 9 p.m and then he's like god what can take my mind off this horrible family tragedy i know hitting up a little dumb dumb club on facebook to say thanks for the shout out he settled the family affairs and going all right they're done now well okay well i'll hit up tommy and carl i think that this all happens just in one day the family affairs were being settled. Oh, well, now that that's done, that whole process of four hours. Now that the wills have been settled and a lot of things have been left to me, maybe it's time to up my subscription to the Patreon. Yes, good point.

Good point. That's very funny to think of that happening and then his first response on Facebook. Thanks, boys. Well, you know, that's life. Hungo. That's life. Hungo. That's life, Hungo. What's he copped at school? Trevor Hungerford.

If he's a bigger boy. Well, if I'm... There'd be some material. There's some material right there to play with in the schoolyard. If I'm... Hungerford doesn't look like it. Yeah, if... You look more like Trevor Fulford.

Yeah, got him. That's not bad. I'm thinking, and it is difficult for me to tap into this mindset, but I'll do my darndest at great personal pain if I can attempt to tap into the mindset of the 15-year-old boy and what they might do with this. Hang on, he's putting himself into a trance as we speak. Hungerford, You've got

Hungerford Cock. Oh, God. That's, yeah, man. Pretty uncanny, isn't it? That's weird. That's put me straight back into the schoolyard. Yeah. I feel like I'm out at recess kicking the soccer ball around,

getting mud on my knees and trying to go back into geography. Why are you on your knees? God damn. You're still – mate, get out of the trance. Get out of the trance. You're back in the room. It's like office space.

You put me in the trance and then you die and then I'm trapped thinking I'm a 15-year-old boy for the rest of my life. Wow, this is so different from the rest of the episodes of this show. Wow. I'm going to have to relearn how to relate to you, Tony. Well, look, you know, best case scenario would be that I'm wrong and that you're right. Hango on it Wednesday morning.

But I got to say, if it gets to three in the afternoon Thursday and Hango hasn't fired up in the group, I'm going to assume the worst. I'm going to assume that he's dealing with that family tragedy. And look, on behalf of myself from in the future, Hungo, best wishes, deepest sympathies. When are you going to put out condolences in the social medias for Hungo? Well, I'm saying all that and I still think he's going to get on Thursday night. But if it still hasn't happened by...

Thursday lunch, I reckon you should put up condolences, I reckon. I think that would be a nice thing if you haven't heard. Yeah. Just so before he gets on to say anything, he can get on and read something nice from you. Oh, that's a good point. Yeah. Okay, I'll chuck one in there. And by that time, other people will have laid some sort of internet flowers, so to speak.

Oh, yeah. You know what? People who are feeling left out because they haven't gotten the chance to scurry to Facebook and let us know that they've heard it. What you can do instead, if you didn't get mentioned in this, just get in there and leave your condolences to Trev. Yeah. That'd be nice. Well, I hope that doesn't happen for real.

Or recently happened or... Hey, who knows? We're just wildly speculating here. Would it be wrong of us to have done this if something had happened? Yeah. I don't think so. Yeah. We didn't know.

Yeah. If we knew that, then of course it would, but we don't. I mean, sure, if he immediately took this episode to the police and they investigated it. Oh, they'd have different things to say for sure. Yeah. Yeah. That would be very interesting.

What a weird alibi we'd have to have. Well, look, you know what? Yes, it really is a coincidence. Yes. I don't know how many times we've got to say it, officer. I know it sounds fucking bizarre. I know it's the weirdest case you've ever heard in 30 years of being a policeman. But I swear to God.

It'd be exciting to be part of a landmark case, if nothing else. Oh, for us to finally be off a comedy podcast and on a true crime podcast yeah great actually get listened to by heaps of people so when people download this episode it just has a bit of police tape around it yeah when you get it into your into your iphone this is we we sort of get an ad for this show on a true crime podcast they have to you know take this bit out and put it on there yeah get even more subscriptions on Patreon off the back of this. I'm a bit – look, thank you, Trevor. I'm a bit worried with what we've opened up here.

I think that I'm personally by looking into the future and then putting myself into that trance. I've been meddling with too many forces that are beyond my – This is the closest we've ever got to getting in a Ouija board on the podcast. We should do that. We should. Yeah, that'd be fun. You think they're easy enough to fake as it is.

Wait till you can't actually see the Ouija board. Oh, it moved. Oh, it's C-O-M-E. Trust us, guys. D-Y-O-G. We're crying. We're spooked out of our minds alright anyway

thanks Trevor thanks Trevor thank you to Patreon look we're both yawning we've got to get out of here

so let's make this the fourth and last one I believe fourth or anyway whatever this will be the last one

thank you to Patreon subscriber Grover and what were you doing with the Ouija board before I had a Ouija board before?

I had a Ouija board out and I had the thing on it and I was like joking. I was moving it around. Oh, right. There wasn't a... I was just like going, oh, we could go C-O-M-E-D-Y. What was C-O... C-O-M... Yeah, I was just picking random letters.

C-O-M-E-D-Y, whatever. What? My chill just wentY, whatever. What? My chill just went down my spine. Why? Is it cold in here? It feels like it's dropped 10 degrees. Oh, really? To me.

Yeah. Has it? Is this just me? Well, I can go check the thermostat if you want, but it feels fine to me. Why? You look like you've gone white in the face. Not just because you're on your knees. Not just because some of the masturbatorium,

some of the walls have dripped down onto my face. Yes. No, you actually look like you've, dare I say it, to use this popular expression, you look like you've seen a ghost. That is very popular, isn't it? People love that expression. People love saying that.

People bought that expression. It's gone to number one. Man, what you just spelled on the Ouija board. That random series of letters. What about if you were spelling out things that you were jumping on top of and getting coins out of the head of things, would that be a Luigi board? What are you doing? Is this part of it?

No, no. This is just a sweet little riff in between. Anyway, back to regular programming. Back to being scared again. My God. What you spelled out on the Luigi board before. I heard something scary just a second ago, but anyway. So, such conflicting emotions.

I'm all over the top of this. This is wild. What you spelled out. So, the last one for this week, you spelled out comedy. Oh, is that what I spelled out? Well, in hindsight, yes. Oh. The last subscriber this week has the last name comedy.

Oh, my God. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Early Bird Comedy. Now, I reckon we never hear from this person. Oh, you reckon? I've got a bit of a hunch. Something about that name says to you that... Yeah, they're going to drag their heels. Right, okay.

I think with such a unique name... You think that because comedy to you is like such a slow burn affair, it takes a long time to write comedy, that that's sort of the subconscious thing in comedy. Yeah, and I like kind of witticisms that sneak up on you. Ah, right. Okay. So just that sort of is hidden within the word comedy

and that's what's come out timing-wise. Yeah. Right, okay. That's interesting. What do you think? When do you think we hear from this person? I reckon really early. I'm just getting that off the word early bird,

which is sort of a metaphor for like first thing in the morning sort of thing. Oh, I think you're going to say early bird is like Latin for Wednesday morning or something like that. No, no, no. It's very, very straight cut and dried. Right. Yeah. Early bird gets the worm as in my dickie.

Yeah. Right. And if they reply really early, that will arouse me. Oh, just this person will arouse you? Yes. Not any of the others? No, no, no. None of them.

No, not for me. Not for me. Not even Hungo. Just early bird comedy. Yeah, okay. Just sounds like a really cool stripper. It is a hot name, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for early bird comedy. She's my chipper. I would never name my daughter Early Bird Comedy and really push her into that form of the arts. I don't want to have to say to my daughter, Early Bird Comedy, remember, no touching. Yeah. All right?

You've got to tell the patrons. Yeah. No touching. No touching. Okay? You're an artist. All right. Well, thanks, Early Bird.

And thanks, all of you guys, for chipping in. littledumbdumbclub.com for tickets to shows and stuff. Patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub if you would like to support us on Patreon and get all this kind of bonus content. We will see you next week with another episode. See you, mates.