The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 480 - Dave Thornton & Nick Capper

Episode Date: December 17, 2019

This week we're catching up on a bunch of overdue business with NICK CAPPER and DAVE THORNTON! We get the full wrap-up of Tommy's recent art exhibition, Capper's pop-up exhibition and Chandler's pop-up-within-a-pop-up exhibition. We also get a long awaited review of Maryborough's first ever Thai restaurant, along with plenty of talk about comedy green room etiquette, ceramics and colourblindness. It's a huge one!ADELAIDE! We're back. Sort of. Doing our solo shows back-to-back. March 14, 2pm.BRISBANE! A huge live podcast and our solo shows. March 15, 1.30pm.MELBOURNE! Our 500th episode is on sale. It's going to be massive. April 25, 2020. 8:30pm.We've also got two smaller shows on in the lead up. April 4 & 11. 4pm. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dum Dum Club, a brand new episode with guests Dave Thornton and Nick Capper. We have some big announcements for the end of the episode about live shows that we are doing in Brisbane and Adelaide. Uh, what? Well, stick around for the next hour and a bit and you'll hear me discuss that by myself in a new edition of Talking Dum Dum. I'd rather not. We'll talk to you about that at the end of the episode, but until then, enjoy this brand new episode with Dave Thornton and Nick Capper. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week.

Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dazzolo. With me is always the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads. Guys, you've just missed out. I know this is a horrible thing for you guys to hear at home, but you've just missed out on A, one of the funniest things I've ever heard, just before we hit record, but B, the end of all of our careers as well. I feel like this is almost turning into our new catchphrase. Guys, you should have heard us before we started the recording this week.

It was good stuff. It's like when bad comedy rooms, like the runners of bad comedy rooms go, oh, man, there was fucking 200 here last week. Sorry there's only 12 here tonight. Well, speaking of bad comedy, joining us this week, we have Nick Capa. Yay! And also Dave Thornton i feel like your fans are going to start tapping your apartments just what happens before the podcast well look you know what in it was like the opposite of sports

like you know you do a bit of a gentle warm-up and then you go hammer and tong we went we i think we just ran 100 meters in five seconds flat. Yeah. And then as warm-up, and then our real thing is going to be like, oh, we'll just do the walk, I guess, the 2K. That's true. We didn't hear the second starter's pistol for a false start, ran the entire track.

Yeah, yeah. We did 1,200 and then went, what? We really did just do the opposite of everything you're meant to do. We had sex the night before the big game. Yeah, yeah. We just, yeah, really flew in the face of convention That's so true I do love seeing you

Carl When you Because We met up And you met up And you had your little baby with you And I said Oh okay

I'm going to go now We had lunch and stuff And then I just drive past And you're Walking down the road Pushing a pram And you've got your wireless headset on And I could just tell You were spitting vitriol What? I was like and you're walking down the road pushing a pram, and you've got your wireless headset on,

and I could just tell you were spitting vitriol. What? I was like, I wish I had a bug in that pram, like the apartment. I could just tell you were fucking going crazy. You mean he was on the phone? Yeah, we were on the phone. Oh, okay. I was like, I would so want that pram bugged. See what Carl's pushing his firstborn down the street of Hawthorne.

Yeah, that cunt is fucked. I hate what that prick is doing. And also, you never want to see someone on the phone going full tilt after you've just been hanging out with them. It's fair for your brain to go, oh, this is about me. They're just on the phone going, what a cunt. As Carl's gesticulating all the parts of you, Kappa was here.

He's big bloody hair. All right. You can see him somehow miming the expression for I had to pay. He was doing the eyes and I'm not even Asian. He's just doing that for effect. So you're looking at that going, God, I wish I was that baby. Doesn't know how good it's got it right now. Imagine if you bugged comedianedian Green Rooms before everybody went on.

You know, I was talking about this to another comic saying how, you know, that's why we can never have a union because it takes one scab to be like, well, remember what you said about that dude in this Facebook group? Oh, yeah. And then he watches it all just ding, ding, ding. It all comes apart. I know, but that's a regular thing, though. Like, you you know people backstage

or about to go on and they've just gone to you know they've got their iPhone out to take their set and then

there's two people there just going oh this cunt is he going to fucking do duck sandwich again what the fuck and then they come

back and listen to their stuff and go oh and you just hear the director's commentary that you never requested so that's actually a thing that does happen

I've heard a bunch of horror stories about that I've done that once I never got caught but I was you just hear the director's commentary that you never requested. So that's actually a thing that does happen. I've heard a bunch of horror stories about that. I've done that once. I never got caught, but I was standing next to someone and they went on stage and exactly that happened. And they're sitting there making me laugh the whole time going, every joke they put out, they're like, oh, fucking good one. And then they come back, pick up their iPhone and go,

oh, and the guy who's hanging shit just went white. Yeah. You've seen it in cartoons, but I actually saw it for the first time. This guy just drained, his face drained of color. And then the guy who was getting shit hung on him and picked up his iPhone decides to sit there and listen to the set in front of us. Puts the headphones on and goes, I'll just listen to it 30 seconds after I've done it. And the other guy that's been raining shit on him is like,

nah, let's just have a beer instead. And the guy's like, no, I'm going to listen back right now. He's like, he's doing everything he can. No, no, no, I think it's out of battery. No, no, no, no. Put on the Eagles, listen to that instead. Yeah, yeah, let's go for a run. It's midnight, man.

What are you talking about? No, no, I think your phone's about to get snapped in half. I think it's a bad idea. No, but he knows what's up. He's like, if anyone What are you talking about? I think your phone's about to get snapped in half. I think it's a bad idea. No, but he knows what's up. He's like, if anyone was talking shit about me, no one's letting... Lock the doors. No one leaves until I listen to the recording

and find out who in here was talking shit about me while I was on stage. See, I'm too paranoid in both senses. Like, if I'm up the back of a gig more often than not and someone's starting to be like, what's this cunt on about? I'm always like, not wanting to say anything, never know where the phone might be,

not wanting to get caught. And also when I have recorded sets and left it up the back of the room, I'm always then too scared to listen to it back. It's like I don't really want to know how I went and I also don't want to know what other people were saying about me up the back of the room. The true review.

It's annoying for me because I'd like to hear what people say about me, but the crowd's always too loud and I can't even listen to my own sound. It is hard to hear over boo. For some reason the standing ovations have ruined the mic. Someone put a fan on in here. Just the returns of the cash register. Here's your money back. Here's your money back.

People going up to the bartender, have you got any petrol so I can just finish myself off? Just the returns of the cash register. Here's your money back. Here's your money back. People going up to the bartender, have you got any petrol so I can just finish myself off? Have you got a hammer? I want to lobotomise myself. Put my head on the bar. Man, four suicides this one. Jesus Christ.

I started using guns. That's not bad though, putting the recorder up the back of the room And being like You know what I don't really care about hearing about How the gig itself went Because you can kind of convince yourself That you can hear whatever you want to hear

In the crowd reaction Or if you bomb badly enough You sometimes just know what happened Putting the recorder back there And going like Now guys Up the back of the room Just let me have it

Because that's the better of you That's the better way of me Than listening the next day and just getting it from you, your exact unfiltered thoughts. That's more helpful than just listening to a 7 out of 10 crowd and convincing myself, oh, well, you know, it was hot in there. That stuff's probably fine. I like the idea of a bad comic from America moving to Australia because of stricter gun laws. There's no one shooting at him from stage.

And there's no one killing themselves in the actual venue. Yeah, right, right. Less money, less potential money, like smaller audience share, but less suicides in the crowd. Less blood on the walls. Yeah, right. I hate it when you're trying to be nice

when someone bombs or whatever, but a couple of times it's really made me unstuck. Once there was this guy on before me, and he was playing guitar, and he just bombed terribly. And that's hard to bomb with a guitar because you can't hear the silence. Oh, yeah. And he knew that he'd – anyway, he got off, and I'm not going to tell anyone they're bad or whatever,

and he said, how'd it go? Could you hear my lyrics? And I said, oh, yeah, man, you could hear them loud and clear, like great singing. And then he goes, so you could hear everything. And I was like, yeah. And then, you know, as you're just saying yeah, you're thinking this is not what he wants to hear.

Like he wants to hear. No, he couldn't hear anything. Like, the music went about, I was like, man, you could hear everything loudly and clearly. He had great singing. He was looking for, I couldn't hear anything, because that's why there was no laugh. Yeah.

And then you realised that, yeah, the entrapment, you've just walked in on. Yeah, I'm just like, fuck. I've really rubbed some salt into the wound. I've not seen that guy again, actually. Yeah, I'm sorry to hear about that baggie you had with Josh Earl. Got him. Once I saw this girl on stage and she had like some kind of operation

on her teeth, like wisdom teeth out. And she's like, oh, sorry, guys, I'm talking a bit funny. So I've got my wisdom teeth out. And she did a joke and then it didn't go well. And she goes, can everyone understand me? Great. And everyone went, yes. That's great.

I love that mid-set, if it's just like going badly, just being like, sorry, guys, had the wisdoms out last night. You probably can't understand me. Just using that as a new ripcord. That would be a good one if you had something different for every time you had a joke that bothered you. Right, right. It's like, ah, sorry about that one, as a new ripcord. That'd be a good one if you had something different for every time you had a joke that bothered you. Right, right.

It's like, ah, sorry about that. I got a bit of a limp. Mum's got a bit of a cold, so I'm not really, I'm a bit out of sorts today. I never finish TAFE. I was let down by the last season of Game of Thrones. I was thinking about that before I came up here. I still get confused by hook turns. So that joke was that way.

It could have worked. I actually see that gig. Just to see how great of a job by the 20 minute mark. It's amazing. Night of a thousand excuses. Never been able to spell pneumonia. Yeah, sorry guys. Or maybe it's you get up there with a whole raft of deliberately bad gear

and you're doing a new one after every bit. Let's just do Cabba's gear and add little excuses to it. Yes. It'll be hard to do the excuses above a standing ovation. That's people walking out, mate. The classic standing run again. That's great. People falling out the door.

It's just like the opera. Yeah, yeah. Oh, another standing refund request again. I'm recording the phone up the back. Oh, no. Turn it off. You can hear me with complete clarity. I'd totally forgotten about this, but the comedian Joseph Green,

who is a good-looking young chap, stand-up comedian. I remember being at the hallowed halls of lido comedy here in melbourne and he was not far from my house correct and it was sounds like a turf war where i'm sitting a little bit oh okay um sounds like there'll be idiots with guitars they're being real clear there a lot of the time but jose Joseph was up on stage he used to be a catwalk model yes a male model and then

unnecessary I would have thought yeah this isn't a trans comedian we're talking about he was a male model and he's a male comedian now

just the professions have changed alright guys just so we're clear I think I realised I realised in my head, I'm not sure he does catwalk model just as a male model. Is there a difference?

I don't want to be a male model anymore. Well, you know the rules. Take your pants down. We're getting the scissors out. We can work this long and hard for those rules. We need to edit your jokes and edit something else. But he was getting up there and talking about being a male model slash catwalk model.

And I don't know why. I think I was doing breakfast radio at the time. I was really tired. And so my tolerance for people was pretty low. And he had his phone back where we were all sitting. And I just picked it up and just went, really relatable. And I'd completely forgotten about it until i saw him months later at the lounge he actually brought it up and laughed but i was like oh yeah it was like this weird world where i just i think it was just so tired i'd forgotten i'd done it it was like a fight club

moment like i was just thinking what did brad pitt do now like just the other part of my head i didn't i didn't know him then and also great stuff from you it's like you know an open mic comic up there going oh I used to get paid money

to walk on a cow walk oh well anyway I'm off the back of fucking 400k you doing breakfast radio fuck off shut up idiot

really relatable that's a new segment on here Poor, fugly Dave Thornton A little bit sensitive about the new hot kid in town To be honest too The night was running late My driver was still out of front

Thornton had to go home Climb the four sets of stairs To his fucking second, third bedroom Jesus I was so upset I could barely... Oh, yeah, my yacht's got stairs. I don't have stairs. I was so upset I could barely enjoy the truffle that I have before Betty buys every night.

Before Jeeves comes and tucks me in. It's like, oh, this is... I mean, I'm in the holiday house. I'm not in my normal silk pyjamas. This is the fucking away silk pyjamas I'm in. That's why I was so on edge. Yeah, yeah. And I left the invoice for the voiceover. He's not in my normal silk pyjamas. This is the fucking away silk pyjamas. That's why I was so on edge. Yeah, yeah. And I left the invoice for the voiceover.

He's not getting these dulcet tones for free. He should. That would be great if he kicked off his show with just playing that recording of you from his phone. Really relatable. Just have it on a soundboard for after every bit. You know, from what I hear, he's actually made some good gear out of being a model.

So, you know, full on me, guys. Full on me. Hey, we, look, speaking of very relatable, here's all green room fucking comedian bullshit we're

talking about so far, which everyone relates to at home apart from the handful of comics that I guess that listen to the show. Shout out to

Will Anderson, Tom Ballard, Nick Cody. Josh Earl. Josh Earl, Tom Ballard, Nick Cody, Josh Earl. Josh Earl maybe. That's about it. That's probably about it.

Let's talk about something for the normal people. Even Capra and I didn't draw a hat in the ring. Yeah, that's about right.

I actually haven't listened. I was listening for ages but lately I haven't. I'm sorry guys. Oh man, we've been good.

Get on board. How did we lose you? What did we do? Well, for me, you're too relatable. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not my thing. Yeah, guys. Oh, man, we're being good. Get on board. How did we lose you? What did we do? Well, for me, you're too relatable. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's not my thing. Yeah. Yeah, fair enough. I don't know. I got into some other podcasts, some deep ones. Deep shit, you know? Did you? I don't know.

Yeah, but also, you know, I want to get back into it because I get on the group page and I know nothing now. I know nothing. We've been trashing you a lot lately and not hearing any feedback about it. So that explains that. Oh, really? Rip Blake listens. So, yeah, there's another one.

I can feel him screaming at us from now. Well, he can't read, so he might as well listen. You're the opposite. He can't enjoy the group page because he has no idea what's being said on there. Anyway, hey, this is happening a few weeks ago. We've talked about this a little bit on the show, but we haven't spoken of this yet, but Tommy Daslow had his debut art

exhibition a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, just wrapped up the other week. So it's been a big thing for your life, your first ever exhibition. Yes, it was a lot of fun. Thank you to everyone who came down. And of course, as part of that, we talked about this at the time, but I very graciously gave up some of the space in the gallery

that I was renting to a pop-up exhibition by an up-and-coming new artist that I came across on my travels in Southeast Asia. You guys know what it's like. You sort of stumble across something and you're like, wow, this really speaks to me. This guy could use a bit of a signal boost. A real outsider artist. Outside of the shower artist.

So as part of my show, I had a pop-up exhibition in the toilets from Nick Capper. In the caravan. Not caravan. In the corridor. In the corridor leading to the toilets. Yes. So Nick Capper.

So it was all of your artwork in the main room, where the normal artwork should be. NGV one, yes. Yes. One, Nick Capp, so it was all of your artwork in the main room, where the normal artwork should be. NGV 1, yes. Yes. 1, nice. And then you were in the corridor. Yes, yes. Leading to the toilet.

Yeah, it was really funny because I bought the artwork in, I was extremely nervous about the whole thing. And, you know, I was like, this is just a joke, but I want it to look good. I don't want to, you know to make Tommy look shit or whatever. And so I put a lot of work into this thing. I hung it up, and it's just near the toilets. And one of the guys running the studio walks into the toilet. He said, just got to get past, mate, as I'm hanging up this thing

that I worked like a day on. And this dude walks in. I thought, he's just going to take a piss. Like, I've been here four seconds. And this dude took the loudest, lingering-ish shit ever. I was just like, it was like from a movie. You know what I mean? Like a comedy movie.

Like, oh, yeah, there's your space, mate. And just him hanging up while this dude's just going. Just, I'm like, oh, cool. Welcome to art, Cap. Yeah. But, yeah, it was good man It was a good time Because we talked about this

In the weeks leading up That there's people That there's spaces for rent Out the back of this gallery And I found out Not long before the show started That there's people Who live there

So we had all these Crazy ideas for how We were going to take over The toilet In this gallery For when my exhibition Was on And I was like

And so part of it was The pop up exhibition Within the pop up exhibition Which within the pop-up exhibition, which was going to be pictures of me. Which is, this is where I stepped in. So you had your babushka doll within his babushka doll. Then I had one within yours, which was in the actual toilet. There was a mini exhibition where it was just me

photoshopping pictures of various cartoon characters having sex with Tommy Daslow. Yes. And so in the lead up to that, I'm getting very anxious about this because I'm like, people live here. Like, this is people's private bathroom and we're hanging up porno in there. This feels so inappropriate.

So when they went to the toilet, they're literally every day, when they go to brush their teeth, they're looking at a picture of the Paddle Pop line rooting Daslow up the arse. Yeah, so should we go through? Because you, so you very... Wow, this is Andy Warhol's space, isn't it? This is comedy's version thereof. It was so nerving for me because Carl's like, can you print them off?

And I said, oh, look, I've got to go print them off. And then the lady working the exhibition says, I can print them off for you. And I was like, I don't know if that's a good decision. And she goes, yeah, yeah, I'll print them off. Just email them to me now. And I'm like, oh, this is going to... I've never – like a minute never took so long. Yeah.

And then she just cracks up. She's like, oh, these are full on. I'm like, well, if a gallery runner from Fitzroy likes them, then we're okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's the good thing. So what happened on the day was like I'd left it to the last day to get my artwork done. And so I thought, well, I'm not going to hit up Tommy to – it to get my artwork done and so i thought well i'm not going to hit up tommy to to he's got enough on his plate working out his artwork and so i was

thinking how am i going to do it how am i going to because i couldn't leave the house from here i had a baby to look after like how am i going to get i can't get there in time so you did this with children around yes daddy's very busy by the way This is less relatable than the green room chat So I'm photoshopping pornos of my friend While my baby is next to me Just talking to your partner No, of course she hasn't eaten today I've got a full plate

Have you seen what I've been working on? Chandler in the beret Paint splattered everywhere The baby gets to see boobs every day Now it's time to learn about the other stuff that's going on. Alright? I would like to see

it be like a beautiful mine too. Like it's a whole there's this whole wall used should the paddle pop line be fucking in or George Jetson

I don't know. So what happened was I couldn't get there in time I'm thinking oh man it's got to be there for the opening.

You know it's all got to be there for the opening. How am I going to do this? It sounds like from those pictures you already found the opening. Sex, guys. So then I was talking to Kappa, and he was like, oh, I can do it. I can do it. I'm like, oh, okay, great. All I need to do is email all the pictures to Kappa, and he can take care of it.

And then immediately I'm like like what the fuck am i doing why am i trusting capper to do fucking anything and then the day goes on and i'm like i'm all of a sudden he's not answering his phone i'm messaging everyone in the exhibition going are the artworks up yet i've trusted capper to do it they're not going to be fucking up are they oh carl micromanaging what a surprise people are doing live insta stories of the exhibition and i'm straining my eyes Through them Trying to figure out If they're up yet Trying to see through

The wall into the toilet There's a bunch of people there These iPhone 11s are bullshit I should be able to See through a fixed wall There's comics And there's listeners And I'm messaging them all

Going have you been In the toilets yet Have you seen the exhibition yet Have you seen this And no one would get back To me with a straight answer I'm like this is fucked This is fucked I was really mad And i got there and then i walk in

and they're like i walk in and they're there i'm like oh okay and then cap has done them in black and white because he didn't go to fucking office works like you said and i'm like oh this is fucked got all that effort now it's black and white and then someone goes mate it's dasso sucking off the super mario brothers yeah what are you getting so stressed about? Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What kind of crazy colours were you working in? That's a real...

I can't tell if that's Mario or Luigi bumming him. This artwork doesn't connect with me at all. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Mind you, it gives it now a very film noir kind of feel to it. That is art. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, yeah, good point, good point. That was my objective.

So we're fixing some plumbing, looking for some coins, and then this gorgeous gal called Dassolo walks in. Legs up to his arms. The printer at the gallery was broken. The way Capa printed them out was like old-school darkroom style where he's just dipping it in the liquid and hanging it up with pegs. What if they sold for the most money? Yeah, yeah.

Man, Dassolo fucking Mr Magoo, that was sick. Like $8,000 for this one. That was one of them. Like a banana sticky tape to the walloo, that was sick. Like $8,000 for this one. That was one of them, Daslow. Like a banana sticky tape to the wall. Because that was the thing. I knew that you had entrusted Kappa with it, and then I'm messaging Kappa during the day going, when do you want to come and hang this up?

And you're like, oh, yeah, I'm coming, I'm coming and coming. The show opens at six. You're there at quarter past five. And I go, have you printed off the stuff yet? You're like, nah. And I'm like, oh, we'd better get this done because if Carl comes in here and doesn't see a picture that he made of me sucking off fucking George of the Jungle

in the dunny, there is going to be hell to pay. Oh, my God. Honestly, if the AFP is listening, all of your hard drives can take you down. What have they got on their hard drives? Yeah, and they frequent Southeast Asia pretty regularly. Sorry, what? It is a thing I run into very often listening all of your hard drives can take you down what have they got on their hard drives yeah and they frequent southeast asia pretty regularly sorry what it is a thing i run into very often where i go into office works and go oh that's right this is this is the reality of it this

has to be printed off in front of people yeah totally and then now that they've got the self serve thing i'm like fucking beautiful thank thank god for this i hope you never have to do a raw test what's that you know the inkblot test. It's just like, what is this? Paddle pop line, fucking Tommy Dass. Oh, yeah. So let's go through the list of what, because we didn't put it online anywhere, like the pictures. Can you remember off the top of your head?

There was the paddle pop line. There was Mrs. Pac-Man. Oh, yeah. Mrs. Pac-Man. Mrs. Pac-Man. Mr. Magoo. Mr. Magoo. Mr. Magoo. Was there one that was like a lady dressed up as Mario or Luigi or something?

Yeah, something like that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Maybe Luigi or Mario. Oh, yeah. Mr. Magoo is a very Carl reference to bring out. Yeah, I was going to say. If you want to get technical about it, one of the few actual cartoon characters in the mix.

Yes. Ms. Pac-Man, not a cartoon character. The Paddle Pop Line, technically more of a mix. Yes. I would do a bit of a mix. Ms. Pac-Man, not a cartoon character. The Paddle Pop Lion, technically more of a mascot. Yes. I didn't want anyone to predict what it was going to be. I didn't want anyone walking in there going, I know there's going to be cartoon dicks inside Tommy Daslo's ass, but I don't want to have a, you know, I bet I can pick them.

Well, you couldn't pick them, could you guys? Yeah. I can't believe you thought about this in this way. Like there's Mickey Mouse, Bugs Bunny. No, no, no. You don't want to be hacking this. Exactly. I don't want to be known as the hack artist that does cartoons that fuck Tommy Duss.

I mean, people are going to be looking at this while they're taking a piss. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got to make sure it's good. Yeah, yeah. But I would argue that you've got to get them in with something a bit simple. You start with a Mickey Mouse. Okay. And then you build it. Because otherwise, it's like sensory overload. People walk in with something a bit simple. You start with a Mickey Mouse. And then you build it.

Because otherwise it's like sensory overload. People walk in. Well, I thought. They're trying to do the mental gymnastics of working out. Who the fuck's this cartoon of this bald old man having sex with Mr. Magoo? They've already got to figure out, is this number two a half flush or a full flush? They've already got a lot on their plate, mate. Well, that was one of the Mario Brothers I was there for.

I thought, well, that's a nice, simple one. That's an easy one, yeah. On the ground floor. But thank you for doing it. Did any of them sell? Because I put price tags on all of them. They all sold. Oh, okay, great.

So I'll take a cut and you can have the rest. Okay, great. It did add to this, even though you took it off my hands, so to speak, it did in a lot of ways add to the stress of the evening because I had my parents there. My parents did catering for me. So then I'm in this weird position where I'm having to monitor, do I think my mum is going

to need to do a piss anytime soon? And then do I need to shepherd her and follow her to the toilet and make sure she doesn't go into the undesirable cubicle? You just give your parents nappies. Don't ask any questions. Just do it in here, all right? Yeah, yeah. I asked my parents to make – my mum makes really good sausage rolls,

so I asked her if she would make a few of them to pass around. And they just turned up with chips and they brought wine. I think they thought they were catering like a 21st. They really went overboard. Right. They were, like, going around to people passing chips. Dad, for some reason, like Dad makes his own marmalade. I've talked about this on the show before,

but he makes these big batches of marmalade and then gives it out to friends and stuff. He turned up with like 10 jars and then was just going like up to people trying to like offload these jars of marmalade to just random punters at the exhibition. If they were in nappies, that's such great high art. You're a parent walking around in nappies offering marmalade and presenting you getting sodomised by cartoon characters in the toilet.

You're like, wow, I never thought it would be this high. Are those two the living exhibits? You've got old people in nappies hanging around with sausage rolls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Banksy walks in and just goes, I give up. This is fucking next level. Now this is how fallen soldiers should be respected. I hide my identity.

This cunt should be hiding his identity. Yeah, that's so true. Here's a bag for your head, little fella. Jesus, this guy needs to invent someone like Banksy. He needs to make sure no one knows who this guy is. But Kappa, how did you feel about – your stuff looked great, by the way. Yeah, it was fun. It was cool.

I reckon you gave me the inspiration to maybe have my own exhibition at some point. But I've got to practice a lot because you practice a lot and you can tell because your stuff's really good. And I was very proud of you, very proud of you. When you do get around to it, would you be happy to repay the favour by letting me do a pop-up exhibition? Yes, yes. Inside the fucking tampon bin or whatever?

This time we're banning Carl Chandler from the vicinity. I want to be parvularised. And I would like your parents in nappies actually giving out marmalade. They'd probably do that. What did you think of the exhibition, Carl? Because I've been meaning to get your take on this because I think that this is the first thing I've ever done like this. There probably is a lot.

Definitely you learn a lot doing something like this. Technically I think I have a long way to go. But one thing I was very happy with was the consistent palette of the exhibition. I was very happy with all the colours that I had picked. I thought it looked very vibey in there. And I've been meaning to ask you, I've been wondering, Carl, as an outspoken representative of the colourblind community, what did you think of the show? I could see most colours, all right?

This is something that Tommy loves to paint me as. Are you colourblind as well? Yeah, I got a bit of it to me. So have I. We're both the graphic designers or ex-graphic designers. I know. So did you have to hide it? We're heroes.

Yeah. I didn't hide it because it never hit to a point. Like I was aware of it at a really young age and then it just has never in real life have those colours come together to cause me grief. Yeah, yeah. Similar with me. I just avoided certain colours that I struggle with a bit.

I thought you were just emotion blind. Nice. Oh, I finally got one. Hate. Fuck you. Only see one colour. Grey. Red rage Wasn't Hatefucky the exhibition that you made for Tommy?

Different characters were called hates Sodomise in the hell out of them Magoo did look really angry as he was bumming me He was treating me pretty rough Up your Magoo But it's funny because I was thinking like Yeah I think the colours in the show are really good. And then thinking about the idea of anyone colourblind coming into it, I was like, is this ableist?

Like imagine someone trying to take you down and cancel you like all these wild pinks and purples that are in your show. How's anyone who only sees grey meant to enjoy this? Real nice stuff, mate. Does that mean colourblind people are even more against gay people? Because it's just like, you've got the rainbow now as well, have you? Oh, fuck this. I don't understand anything what you're doing. The homophobic colourblind person who's like,

they've got one of those grey flags out the front. I'm not going in there. All the colours of the grey bow. Yeah, what if you were colourblind and gay and there was another type of nightclub that just had a grey rainbow, which meant it was for the homophobe nightclub,

but you kept going into that one instead of the rainbow nightclub. So that's what the homophobe nightclub, the homophobe Mardi Gras should just be a black and white rainbow. I don't know if there should be a homophobe Mardi Gras should just be a black and white rainbow I don't know if there should be a homophobe Mardi Gras Carl but if there was

I think it would be a grey I think we've just described the clan if I've got to be honest just white hoods and black men in crosses I just had a big weekend at the Meredith Music Festival and that premise

that Capper just put together was too much for me I thought I was doing okay and then halfway through I went nah you would have been on board Saturday probably 8pm.m at the

oh yeah oh yeah soaring with the eagles good lord yeah all right well all right then well that that's yes that's my answer yes i'm calabine yes tommy that that i i appreciate what i could see what i could understand there it was all a bit too much for me i'm not trying to paint you in any way it was just like it literally thinking about remembering that about you did make me think about like when there's one clear part of it, the colours are like the thing I'm most proud of that I think looked the best in the show. Right.

It's like to a certain audience, they'd come away from that and go, yeah, this is shit. Yeah, but it's not like, I'm not seeing the world the way Kappa printed out my art. This is the hardest part. That was all in colour. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. No wonder Kappa felt so bad about it. Carl's new show, The World in Greyscale. Well, what else is there? Fifty Shades of Dumb Cunt. How did you both find out that you were colourblind? Because I'm always fascinated by that side of it. That's a good question.

I've had glasses since I was like a kid. Like I got my eyes tested when I was about four and found out I was a kid. And I did – do you ever remember those eye colour charts? They've got dots in them and they say there's a number or a letter in these, all these dots. What is it? And I just couldn't see it.

Right. And then they're just like, your kid's got a little bit of optical. So you were finding out literally as you were doing the test for it, it wasn't like a thing of you being at school and someone going like. No, but this is exactly what we mean. Like you do these tests and then they go, oh, you know, how are we going to break this little fella?

And it's like, I think green and purple is my combination. With green and purple, it kind of blends then into something. Yeah. And I've never in real life come across anything. I can't be a pilot, but it's like how many times in the middle of the air, this terrorist has shot a green and purple missile at us. I didn't know. I didn't know. Why has the sky gone purple?

Secret agent, your mission is to kill a pink panther. Oh, sorry, mate. You're going to have to get someone else. You ship me the Riddler in that green and purple? Oh, what are the odds? What are the odds? Are you actually not allowed to be a pilot if you're colourblind? I didn't know that.

No. But it's only the combination of those things. Like I can see green, I can see purple, but you put them together and there's certain shades of it, then it becomes a bit warped. Oh, cool. So if your dick was in the grass, like if you got a – Because some heads aren't purple. We might as well tell the listeners

I can't see I'm fucking the nature ship out the front of the car If Thorne never wants to pretend That his dick doesn't exist Just put it into some grass And it'll look like it's disappeared That's camouflage So there's a handy hint for you Thorne

Also what an out clause when the cops come around I didn't know Saw one big blur for me That come around. I didn't know! Saw one big blur for me, if I've got to be honest. That's why my joke didn't work tonight. I'm colourblind, everyone. Yeah. Also... Relatable.

Also, officer, I have to spaff because the white separates the colours so I can finally tell what's going on. So it's green and purple together that are the problem for you? Yeah. So in your head there's only three Ninja Turtles? Sorry? Oh, no. Donatello!

Who invited the grey dork? I just thought it was just one giant turd with the three of them down in the sewer. I literally, for years, thought that I just missed out on the day at school where they taught the difference between green and brown. Oh, my God. Honestly.

Honestly. I honestly thought I was – I remember thinking there was like – I was sick for two weeks in grade one. I was like, they must have done colours that day. Incredible. That's why I don't understand. Incredible. Really?

So you're saying it as like what, grey? And you're like, this is only because I've never learnt. Yeah. No, I don't understand. Incredible. Really? So you're seeing it as like what? Grey? And you're like, this is only because I've never learnt. Yeah. No, I don't. I mean, you only know. Classic Chandler. It's on that dickhead. I am fine.

It's colour's fault. It's not mine. It's CMYK process that's wrong. Not me. Fuck the colour wheel. No, I thought that for years. I was like, oh, you know, I would struggle with greens and browns a bit. But I only see, you know, I'm not seeing something missing out there.

So for years I just thought I'm seeing everything normal. So I'm not seeing anything that's grey. Yeah, but that's why I'm asking. Because it's fascinating. It's like trying to work out what does someone else grey. Yeah, but that's why I'm... Because it's fascinating. It's like trying to work out what does someone else see. Yeah. So that's why I'm asking because I literally don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I'm not seeing anything that's like, in my eyes, grey. Right. I'm seeing everything completely normal in my entire life except for when someone goes, why is this this colour? Like, especially in graphic design. It's just that one... Yeah, yeah, particularly that. So is it green and brown?

You think it's like olive? I would struggle with greens and browns a bit. Like, people would go, I'll just do this green and I'll do it brown. They'd go, I said green. I was like, oh, green. You used to work for the AFL. Like, it's on a green pitch every game.

But I wasn't on the ground designing and going, why isn't this grass blue? No, but so many times they would incorporate grass. You'd have to put the oval in. You'd be like, yeah, yeah, I've got the mud bristle brown here. Just so you know, part of my job wasn't to paint the field, all right? Just the idea of Chando doing these massively unhealthy shits. He's looking down at the bowl going, looks like business as usual for me.

A healthy, delicious brown. It's looking down at the bowl going, looks like business as usual to me. A healthy, delicious brown. It's like a swamp in there. Yeah. Just lime green, radioactive. But,

you know, you know how literally I was, because I was always like, oh God, I struggle a bit with this. I don't know what this is. Like,

I know I had those two weeks off in grade one and that's part of it maybe, but I don't know, there must be something that I struggle with. And then, comedian Michael Williams in Melbourne, and that's part of it maybe but i don't know there must be something that i struggle with and then comedian michael williams in melbourne he's he does he does a lot of visual humor and he's got a joke where he pulls out a board that it's like he he's drawn he's written in in the color uh like a colorblind chart but in those colors he's written uh if you

can't read this you're colorblind and he pulls that as a joke and everyone laughs and i looked at it went on to get it and they're like you know it's like And he pulls that as a joke and everyone laughs. And I looked at it and went, I don't get it. And they're like, you know, it's like a funny colourblind joke. I'm like, aha. Fucking hell. You literally didn't realise until then? I didn't have confirmation until then. Fuck, that's amazing.

So you couldn't read that writing because it was in the colour? Yes. That's hilarious. And also, that's not what it says. Oh, well, whatever it says. Because I haven't read it. I like it. It's personal slant.

Carl Chandler has sex with animals. there was a lot of people laughing um right right in their green hole the classic old greenback passage fuck i wish that was me i was brown with envy just watching the film the greeninch, it's like, oh, this disgusting little turd that's come to life and walking around. How now, green cow? Yeah, lucky you weren't in the, lucky you weren't a pilot, because they're like, take out the diarrhea base, not the brown base. And then you'd shoot the diarrhea, anyway.

Okay. I can hear brown bass. And then you'd shoot the... Anyway. Okay. I can hear brown comedy. It's amazing to think about if Michael Williams didn't do comedy, if you hadn't met him or whatever. What's the next... Yeah, what... Could you be at this point now and still... Well, I'd still know I struggle with stuff like that.

You'd still be blaming grade one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd still be... Oh, man. I think my grade one teacher was called Mrs. Williams as well. So there's a real consistent strain. Whoa. That's full spooky, man.

It's all linked. Yeah. But, no, I did enjoy your exhibition from what I could understand. Some of it went over my head, some of the shades, obviously. Yeah, because you came up and you said, congratulations on running out of beer. Yes. That was the only feedback I got. I did.

I think I've offended this guy with my fuchsias. Yeah, I missed some of that sweet green ale. Yes. Found a beer in the toilet. He's drinking washing detergent. I'll tell you what, the poo stuff's right in your eating zone. I was really busting to get there

because I was thinking about all day getting a beer from your exhibition. And when I got there, you were all out and I was like absolutely fucking shattered. But you left and then a friend of mine went and got a slab. Some more turned up right after you'd left.

Damn. Yeah. Because it was like another hour to go or something. My friend was like, we need to keep this going. I'm happy to run down

the bottle if you want. Damn. I like that. That's Carl's assumption of an art exhibition. Free beer or not. That was the Mona Lisa. No free beer.

Terrible. I don't know art but I do know when I want to get drunk. Yeah. So if we can sort this out, I'll be great. I was gutted. But no, Tommy, that's your opening art exhibition.

But what I did enjoy is your idea of just not, I mean, is this right? You'd never painted with acrylics or anything like that before, but then you just absolutely put the cart before the horse and planned an exhibition before you'd painted before. I'd painted before but not for a very long time. I painted when I was at school but I got the date for the exhibition before I knew what I was going to do. I was like, I'll just put the date in because otherwise

I'll never get around to doing it. I'll lock the date in so I've got something to work towards. I was like, I don't know, maybe I'll just do drawings or maybe I'll just do some digital stuff. And then the more I thought about it, I was like, you know what it'd be fun to just kind of push myself and do something that I haven't done for a long time. Well, I did enjoy you doing that given that if someone did what you did in comedy

we'd all be laughing about it. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it is and look, and the people that... Because like, for example, to put that in perspective, like we've seen people that have booked out massive spaces without doing comedy and gone, who's this cunt? Oh, totally. And like I think that –

So people in the art world absolutely would have been doing that about you. 100%. Like the people that run the gallery and it's like me having this really good turnout because I have an audience from other things that aren't the art world. Yes. Like I literally am a YouTube comedian. Yes. I'm the YouTube comedian of the art world.

And looking at our fans and whatever coming along and going, oh, if they saw some real art they'd fucking love that. What are they fucking looking at this shit for? Oh, 100%.

And someone I know who works in galleries and stuff and has been around that stuff a fair bit. I was like, oh, so really interested in your feedback.

Did you like it? She's like, yeah, you did really well. It's pretty rare that you go to art exhibitions where the artist's parents are there passing around chips and sausage rolls and trying to get people to take jars of marmalade that they've made but yeah it was still pretty good and like the people running the gallery i just don't know how anything works and i told

them that and on the day of she's like i really need the price list from you i really need you to sort this out like it's becoming pretty apparent that you do not know what you are doing in absolutely any capacity whatsoever. I'm like, hey, I was open about it. Imagine that in comedy. So if you could just price all of your jokes for us. Right, right. To be honest, 20 minutes in from then on, fuck, I'd 25 cents each. That whole middle hour.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It really trots. When it comes home strong, I'd charge a 20 for that last joke, but fuck. Yeah, you can take the middle 20. Whatever you want to give me, O and O. But it was like, yeah, it was a very stressful day, and then get to the opening. But priceless.

I do love that as well. There's a few pieces in there that were like $600 or $800. That's... Fucking hell. I know, but that's what people taught i was like my first time painting you gotta give me eight hundred bucks man i was asking a mate who does all that kind of stuff i was like oh just a hundred bucks he's like man that's inset like people that know about that stuff were like saying make them a thousand minimum and i was like absolutely no way absolutely no but again relating it back to comedy

it's like someone starting comedy going yeah just lazy 40 bucks to get in on my first ever comedy show we'd be going who

I repeat is this cunt what I like too for your listeners literally because the Patreon you have to pay to go into the next room

it felt like your shit in the toilet is the Patreon oh yes you have to go go to the toilet if it's money like your shit in the toilet is the Patriot. Oh, yes. You have to go to the toilet. If it's money, though, you won't believe what's in there. Kappa's exhibition is the magazine,

and then the porno exhibition is the bonus episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally, totally. Well, we don't want to talk about your parents being at the exhibition now. Here's something we talked about on the show a little while back, or we've been talking about for a little while, which is Maribor has been promising its first ever Thai restaurant for quite a while. We've talked a few times about this. Now, this is my dream, obviously. Everything's combining.

You know, all the colours are combining to make a beautiful big dark grey in my head. This is beautiful. My heart is pumping grey blood. Yeah. This is beautiful. My heart is pumping grey blood. My dick is, I don't know, magenta or something. This has been going for a while.

It was announced months and months ago. I've been watching this tightly on the... Announced. Where? Like announced? On the Mirabarra-related social medias. There's a few Mirabibor and community fan pages on Facebook that I follow very closely, even though I haven't lived there for 25

years. Do any of these pages have any interaction from the council? Is there any official Maribor people or is this all just citizens in the area trying to get the word out? Just big fanboys of Maribor. Which there would be a plentiful. Yeah, exactly. Well, me, one of them. My mates just still live out in the area trying to get the word out. Just big fanboys of Maribor. Right, right. Just, you know, big. Which there would be a plentiful.

Yeah, exactly. Well, me, one of them. My mates who still live out in the country, they put all, you know, I'm still part of the Gundawindi or Toowoomba Facebook groups or whatever, just because you get a good laugh on them. They're like, do not let this cunt chop your firewood. He is a dog. I told him that he was going to turn up to chop it.

He did not come again. He asked me to send a deposit. I did. Did not get it. And the people were coming like, oh, he's a low dog. My mate Barry, he'll come and chop your wood for this man. It's the best job you've ever seen. You should start doing that, Carl.

These Maryborough pages are like, hey, he's a new business opening up. He's like, you know, whatever, the family fun fair down at the park. If you're just like getting on and doing posts that are the kinds of stories you've told on this show about the lunatics that you grew up with, how's this cunt that's probably been dead for 15 years? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And just see what kind of engagement you get. Oh, but this page, I love it so much because it tries to, you know,

represent itself as a proper news page. But, of course, you're not getting, you know, the sort of news that you get in Melbourne or capital cities, bigger cities, because it's a small town. So the stuff – and you've got to keep pumping out the content. And because it's a small town, you have weirder stuff going on. So you've got to promote them as like your big story of the day. So, for example, the other day the big story was someone had been charged, a guy had been charged for stealing police uniforms, dressing in them, pretending that he was a policeman in order to get a better deal when he was exchanging jewellery for a car.

What the fuck is going on within that story? That's one of those real stories that it's like, if that was the plot to an Adam Sandler film, you'd be like, fucking hell, cunt. Exactly. This is too much. So you're the cop and the woman selling him the jewellery? of those real stories that it's like if that was the plot to an Adam Sandler film you'd be like fucking hell can't like this is too much so you're the cop and the woman

selling him the jewels oh man I can't get on board with this I can't and what makes you think too like if you're playing

with opals they're like oh no he's a boy in blue you know what they're like what is it about precious stones and cops

that makes you think if the story is just someone swapping jewellery for a car I'm'm like, I'm already in. Yes. But then someone's like, nah, if only I could get a better deal. Well, should I learn some haggling skills? No, I should dress like one-fifth of the village people.

So let me get this right, honey. You swapped the Commodore for four fob chains. Yeah, don't worry. It was a constable that did it. The ring had a skull on it. I had to accept. Plus, it was a policeman. You know, as a side note with Maryborough,

because your boy was in the news yesterday. Matthew Delvedova? Correct. NBA superstar. And still a very, like me, someone that, look, I'm always harking back to Maryborough. I'm always talking about it. Some people like to absolutely pretend they never came from the Avalanches.

But Matthew Delvedova is there every chance he gets. Well, man, in the news yesterday, you know, in America, they have the Heisman Trophy winner, which is the college footballer of the year, which is huge. Like, you're the best college footballer. You're probably going to go on to an unbelievable NFL career. And high school, college sports are really big in america as well much bigger than here huge yeah well the quarterback i think he's a quarterback for lsu they were saying oh you know

there's a bit of a story behind it he was playing for another university transferred because he wasn't getting playing time got himself there he's the best player in college and they said what was the motivation and he said because he grew up in Ohio, Cleveland. He's like, Matthew Delvedova was my inspiration. Oh, wow. The way that he played made me realize you can dig and you can push and you can become the man that you are. And it's funny because I'm reading this article

and then Dally does this video for this guy. And it's just classic Dally where he gets on and just goes, yeah, so good luck with the playoffs and everything. Yeah, thumbs up. I know we chased him for so long to try and get him on this show and then we heard a few people go, probably wouldn't bother, by the way. I don't know if you're going to get a big

chat out of him. Solid numbers on the download. Bad hair. That's it. I drove my brown car there and he complimented on what a nice shade of green it was. Yeah, good callback. As soon as I was saying that one, I'm like, oh, no. We can tell.

We can all tell. We felt bad for you. That was the Jenga puzzle. I was trying to think of tags Just to fucking help you out They're halfway through Yeah I know I was formulating

Alright what mean thing Are you going to say about him Once he stops talking I can actually hear The running ovation Of your listeners Right now This is a hometown

Bell gradient reference My dad He's You know I'm from the country as well. My dad's a cotton farmer guy. And he, it's so funny that they open up a Thai restaurant because Gundawindi, I don't think they've got a Thai restaurant. Yeah.

They've got Chinese, but whenever. Population Gundawindi, how many? I think about 20,000 or something. Oh, because we're 8,000 and we've got one. Yeah, yeah. Well, that goes to show you, Gundawindi, catch up. Yeah. But my dad, whenever we go to the city,

my dad thinks he's a total Matt Preston of food. He always pulls this one out. He goes, you know what? Bit over Chinese. I like Thai. It's lighter. Oh, yeah, nice, nice. It's a lighter meal.

He's learned one little thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To make himself sound like he has a sophisticated palate, I like it. Because for that generation, and my parents included, all I know is Chinese. We had one Chinese restaurant in Meribah and that was it. So in terms of Asian food, it's like, oh, I know that one. I'm over Chinese food means I'm over beef and black bean.

Right. Yeah, yeah, right yeah the one dish I know how to order my dad pulled out an absolute pearler because he came down a couple of weeks ago it's about a brown car

he came down in a brown car and Carl was standing beside the road and then Carl yelled out nice green car he actually got it it's capper

capper capper he's back in black or grey Nice green car. He actually got it. Kappa, Kappa, Kappa. He's back in black or grey or whatever. What about that colour one? I can't even see black. What about that? I see black as grey as well. Then, while we're in the car, I saw Carl go to the local AFL ground and say, why are you guys playing on a field of shit?

You would have done that. You would have done it. That's good. I wish I hadn't have motivated you so much five minutes ago. What was your dad's colour? Anyway, yeah, we went to – we thought we'd take him to Ethiopian food. Oh, in Melbourne? Yeah, yeah.

We've got this great restaurant we go to. Anyway, Dad was just loving the food. And he goes, wow. I thought the whole thing about Ethiopia was they didn't have food. Yeah. Right? Just in that silent gap with the whole staff and everyone at the restaurant. They would have totally heard that one before, surely.

Oh, yeah, and Mum was, like, loving it. You know, she cracked up. And I didn't know what to say because, like, I'm an accomplice now. You're the voice of reason. Yeah, yeah, I'm in this. So I just started laughing as well. I'm like, I just got to hand in my... Your woke card.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could never be in Brunswick again. Did you think about the cartoons that were bumming Tommy that you had to print down and go, I can't take the moral high ground. Yeah, yeah. I can't think to myself, yes, well. I'm that much of a chicken shit, you know what I mean, on Twitter or

something. Like, oh, you can't do that or whatever. But in front of my dad, good one, dad. Yeah. You're still paying, right? Alright. Yeah, yeah. Cabin next to his dad, good one, Dad. You're still paying, right? All right. Yeah. Kappa next to his dad just being like, this is a bit crass for me, and then going to a gig and going, so I was having a 69er the other day. And then his dad's like, oh, in Ethiopia, they'd love a 69, too. People are like, that'd be great.

And I'm like, his mum's at the back. Captain's family just all sound like him. He just watches his mum sound like, oh, dear. Oh, dear, you've done it again. That's a classic. Thanks, sweetheart. I love you. Oh, mum and dad, yous are so cute.

And I'm on stage wearing a green shirt. Woof, woof. I'm on stage wearing a green shirt. I'm on stage wearing a green shirt and Carl tries to heckle me. Oh, no. And what's he said? Nice brown shirt. You got no idea, Carl. You honestly got no idea. I'm still fucking lost.

I thought he was going to be the punching bag in this story and I've still copped it. Yeah, you're disabled. Damn. Enjoy your red and brown Christmas. Speaking of

like terrible situations where a joke, this is the only time that's happened to me where a joke hasn't gone through.

Is this a story about what happened ten minutes ago on this show? Close. It was yesterday actually. It was yesterday, actually.

It was yesterday. My girlfriend bought me a ceramics class for my birthday. Right. And we're making like hand pottery, right? And I'm the only guy in the class. There's a lot of like middle-aged mums there and like kind of hippie mums and stuff. And we're making these mugs. And I'm making big tongues sticking out of my

mug because I thought it would be funny to have the mug like is the mouth and the tongue is the handle. They look really good. It's the mug that can drink out of you. Yeah, exactly. What a comic mind we've got in our midst. You know Granny Maze doesn't exist anymore.

It's coming nowhere for you to sell this. Did your girlfriend specifically buy you a year seven ceramics class? Was this after you tried to make a bong? Yeah. How's the lava lamp in your bedroom going? Yeah, were you trying to get out of advanced maths and then you had to do ceramics? Nah, this is my elective now.

Did you ever try and buy your woodworks class before this? Like, why is this ceramics class at Toys R Us? By the way, it's not a ceramics class if she's just dumped you at the plaster funhouse, by the way. That's not technically a ceramics class. If you're just painting a cup, you stupid cunt.

The reason why all the mums were there was they were minding their kids. They're like, where's your kid? I'm like, I didn't know you needed to bring one. It's not a ceramics class also if she's filled up a big jug with water and said, bathe yourself with this. That's a really big mug. Learning is fun. Guys, you get the Medicare rebate on the daycare, mate.

It's not an issue. I thought Carl was coughing it bad, but boy Boy have I really I've really turned it over Now you guys know How I felt when Mr Magoo came around The other day Boy was I lucky I had a camera

When that happened Jeez wait till you tell The gang back at the Ceramic centre About this before Nappy time So how did your How did did your pieces go down with the... This has got to be part of the exhibition that you do as well.

Totally. You should do ceramics. Yeah, yeah. They looked really good. But anyway, my girlfriend was making some kind of, she calls it like a salt pig or something like that. It's like you put salt in a thing. It's like... Is that her nickname? Your co's my a salt pig or something like that. You put salt in a thing. It's like...

Is that a nickname for... Your co's my little salt pig. Hey, honey bunch. Hey, salt pig. Is this like a salt shaker? Yeah, I don't know what it's called. You spoon the salt out with a wooden spoon. I don't know.

Most people just have salt shakers. But I think this is called a salt pig. Right. No, I think that's what one of those women called you, a salt pig. No, this is like a piggy bank, but you've got no money, so you just put salt in it. So she's making her thing and she's like, you know, no one knows each other in the class and stuff.

And she says the thing, the teacher goes, oh, that looks really good. And she goes, oh, really? I'm a bit unsure about it, actually. It looks a bit like a dick. Whole class cracks up. Nice. She's like, oh, so funny. It does look like a dick.

All the mums are cracking up. They're like, oh, this is hilarious. It's a bit naughty. Yeah. A bit naughty. Anyway, one of the mums goes, she's like, oh, yeah. She says to the teacher, oh, you'll be going, oh, a bit iffy about this couple the other day.

One made a tongue. The other one made a dick. And then everyone cracks up again. This is good. This is good gear. And then I said, it's actually not a dick. It's actually an elongated labia. Fuck. Jeez. Can I guess? You's actually not a dick. It's actually an elongated labia. Fuck.

Jesus. Can I guess? You have absolutely lost the room. No one laughs. That's when someone would have said assault pig. She's stuck with brown car. Way more safe. Carl can't see green.

You're not getting out of it that easily. A labia. crane you're not getting out of it that easily my girlfriend puts her hand head in her hand and she's like and then the teacher goes well that's enough fuck yeah you got the light and ceramics we've been excited enough for one day you You didn't even know there was a principal, but you've got to go talk to him. She puts her head in and she's like, every time. You tried to top her good joke. There was no need for it.

Yeah, well, you know, I'm the comedian. Yeah, right. I've got to do the work sometimes. Not according to them. So, Maribor. So, quick look. A little bit of update. A little bit of update A little bit of update

For people who have been asking For a long time on the show Long time listeners of the show People who have been Deep diving into the early episodes There used to be a lot of Sunshine Johnson talk On the show

Now, for new listeners For people who haven't Deep dived before Sunshine Johnson was Every small town's got them Even suburbs have got them You know, the crazy person Of the area

Right, that everyone knows Oh, that guy that does that. You know, the crazy person of the area, right? That everyone knows. Oh, that guy that does that. You know what? I'd say Sunshine Johnson is almost like, if you're the Beatles, that's almost like, you know, one of their original. That was the first. Sunshine Johnson felt like the first album. Right. That was when you first broke onto the scene.

It does sound like a 60s artist. Sunshine Johnson. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if you look it up on Facebook, you go, I've looked for him on Facebook before, and then go, oh, there is a lot of black American women in the world called Sunshine Johnson. You go, of course, that is totally what that

name should be. But anyway, it's the opposite of that. He's a white six foot five guy with a handlebar moustache, bald, crazy guy. I've talked about him a lot on the show before. People have been asking for other stories.

I won't repeat stories, but he's got in trouble with the law. He's been just a lot of – he used to be one of those classic deros that would walk around the street and just jump out and say ridiculous stuff or whatever. Anyway, so someone knew someone from Mirabar and hit me up with a story the other day that rang a bell which was this. Now, he was involved and you'll like this. He was involved somehow

with, he didn't do it but he was involved with the murder of a policeman in Maribor. Good stuff. This is a comedy podcast. Yes. Was it a policeman

or a guy trying to get a good deal with some jewels? Oh, yes. Totally, totally. So, what happened was he was in the passenger seat when the deed was done. He was involved technically with it,

but he was in the passenger seat when it was done. So anyway, this is like 25 years ago, 30 years ago. When they had a funeral procession down the main street, down High Street in Maribor Sunshine Johnson jumps out in the middle of traffic

in front of the hearse and starts singing I shot the sheriff oh oh what fuck you're kidding I mean

That feels like an omission of guilt though Yeah Yeah I know How did he get off? Yeah Well I think that was after he'd already

He'd already found the person who'd done it I think I think that was it This is like a Law and Order episode Where it's like They think they've got the guy who'd done it And then just all of a sudden Some random guy comes into the mix

And just starts confessing to it Yeah Yeah This is like John Johnson Working on the double indemnity Right whodunit and then just all of a sudden some random guy comes into the mix and just starts confessing to it yeah yeah this is Sunshine Johnson working on the double indemnity right I mean it does feel like a cover band from the 70s

Sunshine Johnson does I Shot the Sheriff yeah yes feels like yeah totally totally what a dare though what a cover

like did someone just dare him like that is jackass double XL like yeah yeah they're high stakes I dare you to do this. Man, this is a guy who once rode his horse down high street and then it stopped in the

middle of the street and backed up traffic. So he got off the horse and went and faced the horse and yelled at it and then just clocked it in the face. Just like coward punched his horse to make it start running again. So I don't think anyone needed to dare this guy to do that. There's a lot that's like tough to get their head around in that story, the first story. I'm struggling with the idea that the Maryborough Main Street is big enough

to fit a procession in it. Well, a procession only means one row of traffic. Yeah, still. Yeah. No, no. It's a proper street. It's taken up like 80% of the Main Street. Hey, we've got a Thai restaurant, mate. Yeah, that's true. There's a proper street. It's taken up like 80% of the main street. Hey, we've got a Thai restaurant, mate.

Yeah, that's true. There's enough for two lanes of traffic, all right? Yeah, that's true. One going one way, one going the other way. And they've got a hearse because they know, well, it's Maryborough. Yeah. People are going to top themselves pretty heavily. That's actually the best way to get out of Maryborough.

No, the hearse is fully booked for the next week. Doesn't suit us to kill yourself now. Hold off for a bit. One Thai restaurant, four funeral homes. That's the golden country town ratio. What am I going to

book six months ahead? What am I going to do with Grandad? Yeah, yeah. You're actually better off to get a Musselman curry than kill yourself in

Perth. It's a lot easier. Alright, so, so so Thai restaurant, right. This is how we got here. Thai restaurant. It's been promised for months on the social medias of Maribor. There's been a lot of controversy because every time it says it's going to open, there'll be a delay, which always makes me go, well, how hard is it?

Like, we've been to Thailand, obviously, a bunch of times with the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival. We've seen the restaurants over there. I would have thought it was one of the simplest restaurants to set up given the ones that we've seen over in Thailand. They're in the back of a fucking shed. Yeah, a bit of drywall, a camping oven. Corrugated iron on top.

Easy. What if the people in Maryborough thought you have to order the food from Thailand? They'd be like, oh, there's been a delay. Oh, no, it's off again. We're waiting for Jetstar to have a sale. Hey, Chandler's kid heads down there bloody once every two months. That's the deliveroo for them.

Yeah, you're not going Jetstar, are you? You've got plenty of luggage having you. All right, here's my order. 1,700 green curries. I always thought it's such a bad look when a restaurant is late with its launch date, with its open date, because that just says to everyone, sorry guys, we're just having a few problems working out how to make food good. Yeah, yeah.

We just need to learn how to buy a fridge. Yeah, just trying to work out how long you cook this chicken for to make it not be pink inside. But this is interesting too because I always think when you have, honestly, when you have food

from another country, invariably that turns up because said people from other country have turned up. Do you know what I mean? It's always in country towns they go,

we got, you know, and you do. You've been at places where they go, it's a great Indian restaurant, really, and the locals

are always so transparent. Yeah, this bloody Indian family just moved in, bang, and you're like, well, yeah,

that's what I do want. So I'm curious to think that local Mary Burry... It's a very good question, and I was not one to ask my parents about the nationality of the people in the business because of the answer I may have gotten. Shaky territory. Yeah, it's...

I would at the very least have got a... Get Kappa's parents to drop in. Yeah, yeah. I'm fine with it. Thailand. I think I would have... I thoughtappa's parents to drop in. Yeah, yeah. I'd be fine with it. Thailand. I thought they didn't have food here. That was Ethiopian. Oh, fuck.

I should have read the room. Do I have to wear my suit with all those ties? No, it's fantastic. Good stuff. Carl will go, I ordered a green curry, not a brown curry. Yeah! Kappa! Kappa!

Fuck. Hey, I'm back. I love you. It's all around, guys. Yeah! Kappa! Kappa! Fuck you. Hey, I'm back. Oh, love you as a man, guys. I feel like this is now, like, you know in sport where you'll read the story about someone who just got, you know, treated really roughly at the start and inspired them to really get a lot better. I feel like that's what's happened with Kappa and this joke here. Yeah, Dele inspired him. He's back in here.

That one was clever. You know what I mean? He got initiated at the start. He got his head flushed down the dun. He's first day here. That one was clever. You know what I mean? He got initiated at the start. He got his head flushed down the dunny. His first day in training camp. And now he's fucking... You always say the head flushed down the dunny. It's always your go-to bully.

Yes. You name a better one. As they say, nude. I wonder when someone... I wonder in the age of being able to harass people on social media and stuff where the kids are still doing the old classic head flush down the toilet. There's probably like woke environmental bullies now who are like, that's a waste of water.

Yeah. That better be a half flush. But I tell you what, once he mentioned green card, I thought, I know where this is going and I'm happy. Yeah. I am real happy. Brown card. It'd be funny if you like though, because Maryborough is not known for its exotic ingredients.

No. If some dude opens up a Thai restaurant, he's like, all right, I got chicken, I got some carrots, and I got some rice. All right, let's get this. Oh, no. What the fuck is coriander? Yeah, totally.

Bamboo shoots? What? So I... I can replace this rice with chips here. Yeah. I would have thought, if I'd have asked, I would have thought my parents would have at least given it

a bit of a mention of maybe some oriental owners I would have thought at the very least. But so I set my mum on a mission

I said right okay I said you've got to go as soon as you can as soon as it opens we've got word it actually opened. So I said

this is your mission you've got to go in. I heard for a few weeks this is what I'll talk about with my mum on the phone. I'll ring her every two days and she'll give me whatever she's seen in town. At least three conversations were about her driving past the Thai restaurant and telling me what she saw as she drove past, rather than stopping and having a look or going in or anything. Just what she saw.

Plenty of that stuff. Anyway. Two people in there, chairs out the front. Yeah, yeah. Stuff like that. Oh, you looked a bit busy. I saw someone on a table. Oh, yeah, cool.

Good chat. Nice. Good update. A lot at a restaurant. Yeah, geez. Yeah, yeah. Good stuff. A lot happens in Maribor.

Good gear. So I sent her on a mission. She had to go there and she had to write a book report for the show, for us. So she has delivered. She went there. My parents both went there for dinner. And she's written me a book report for the review for the restaurant. And she's even got me a menu.

Oh. Yeah. Do you know what night of the week it was when they went for dinner? Oh, she did not give me that detail. Interesting. I would say, I do believe it was midweek, though. Okay., she did not give me that detail. Interesting. I would say, I do believe it was midweek though. Okay.

I think it might have been midweek. Okay. Get some specials in. Yeah. I don't think she... Some specials. It's also the mindset you go into. You know, like going out

for a Friday night meal. There's a lot of expectation. You know, just getting in a quick last minute. Hey, you know what? Wednesday night, let's get some takeout. You know, that's a much

different kind of expectation. And also, you don't want to go there, you know, prime time, Saturday night. Like, that's not my parents. They don't like to be... Too rich for their blood. You know that's a much Different kind of expectation And also you don't want To go there You know prime time Saturday night Like that's not my parents They don't like to be Too rich for their blood Yeah it's not

It's like going out Night they're You know they're home bodies They don't want to be out When you know Things are raging And there's more than Like seven cars in the street

You know what I mean Yeah I want to go a quiet night So Tuesday Wednesday night I'd be there More there It was rammed You couldn't park out in front

Yeah yeah exactly Exactly Oh I had to I had to park like four spaces down. I was really busy. I mean, Sunshine punched three cars out of the way. They were good. All right, so.

Just hearses lining the front street. Cracking their knuckles, only a matter of time. Bangkok Thai. Bangkok Thai restaurant on High Street. Authentic Thai cuisine. Right. By Elaine Chandler. Would your dad do anything with Bangkok?

No, he'd leave it alone. He'd leave it alone. Maribor's first ever Thai restaurant was advertised to open in September 2019. It finally opened in November 2019. Okay. A little bit testy. Yeah, a bit pass-ag. Yeah 2019 A little bit testy Yeah, a bit pass-ag Yeah, a little bit I don't think you need to open with that

But anyway I think we're getting a bit of full history in this Yeah Food review Yeah, it feels like they're up against it already It feels like mum's a bit impatient So it better be worth her while It's like the comedy reviewer who talks about the room

Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, exactly Get to the mains Don'ter who talks about the room. That's not how they do it with me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Get to the mains. Don't be telling me about the ventilation. I'm kind of surprised given the age that your parents are

that this doesn't kick off with a review of and description of what was in that building before. Oh! You know, that's classic parent.

Like, it used to be a shoe shop and the owners were quite lovely. That's a very good point. That's a good point. Just get to the point. lovely. That's a very good point. Just get to the point. That's a very good point, but it did used to be, I believe, as we've talked on this show before about, it did used to be an Italian, it used to be, I think it used to be Milan

Pizza. Oh, right, okay. That used to be run by the guy that they nicknamed Woggy Woggy. Yeah. That's clever. The footy club then threw down the main drain without any clothes on and threw his pizza warming device away. Good stuff.

I'm not surprised it used to be a crematorium. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I can see why your mum left that bit out now. Yeah, yeah. Our bad. Yep. I was excited to try the cuisine, remembering the food from Koh Samui, including Mama Ninja. The venue in Maribor was much nicer than her tin shed.

Okay. So establishing mum's credentials. Okay, mate. We get it. You've been to Thailand. You've had the real deal. We're real Bear Grylls. Yeah.

Well, not really So I was trying to think Of someone who travelled Yeah And Bear Grylls Was the first person He's travelled He's more of a guy

That's known for drinking His own piss Yeah I know I'm sorry So hang on Your mum has not done that No Yeah what did Mum and Ninja

Do to your mum But Kappa If Carl saw a bear Called Grylls out in the woods, what colour would he think that bear would be? Sorry, hang on. I can't work this one out. I would say it's a green bear, surely.

That's because your eyes are fucked, mate. Yeah, sorry. All right, we're back, boys. Some bears are like black, though. And if it was a panda. We're picking semantics out of my fucking suggestion. He's just trying to make sense of your jokes. Don't pick on him.

What if the bear was green and purple, mate? You'd be in for a fucking... No, we all had a laugh before. Pick on Dave. He's our friend. Want to be hearing from my people? Grimace was lying in the grass Look at this Grimace

Grimace It's true Grimace lying in the grass Just looks like a snowstorm That's what I called my penis when I was fucking Playing AFL against Grimace. He'd be fine. Where's he gone?

It's Grimace Thornton. He doesn't run that fast. I couldn't tackle it. He just disappeared. All right, so. Sorry, I've really ruined this book, Poo-Port. From your mum. How's this? All right, this. Sorry, I've really ruined this book, Poo-Port. Yeah. From your mum.

How's this? All right, this is the next bit. The menu and the choices were a little smaller than I expected. Oh. Now, she told me this on the phone a few times. I told her not to give me too much detail about any of this. But every time she talked to me about it, she kept telling me how there wasn't much of a menu. It was quite small.

Would that be because she's been to Thailand with you, so she's used to getting these menus that are like the fucking phone book? Now, that is exactly what's happened because then she gave me the menu. Here's the menu. It's chokkas. There's more than normal, I would say. There's more than anywhere on, like, Victoria Street. Yeah, there's more than anywhere I would go.

Just one second before I give that to you. Because not only that, but the menu, very conveniently for talking about this issue, has numbered every item on the menu. How many items on the menu? How far does it go up? I reckon, hmm, 40? No. Oh, I might plug even more north.

Yeah, I would go north of 60. More than 60. Here we go. About less than 70. Let's see where this is going. Kappa, any guesses? 68. A little bit higher.

Oh, yeah. Wait a minute. Hang on. Exactly 69. And my mum and dad went, so it was a dinner for two. Wow. Yeah. Dinner for two on a dinner for two.

Yeah, exactly. So 69 choices on the menu. And mum's like, I don't know, not much choice there. Wow. But yeah, but exactly what you said. Because they've been there, because I dragged them along to Costa Mui and they're just used to those phone book full of millions of things. They didn't even have macaroni and cheese at the end of it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I couldn't get spaghetti bolognese or a T-bone steak. They only had three variations of margarita pizza. Can I throw a challenge out for this situation? Just seeing the skill set that I see in front of me. Now, you put out your first exhibition, Tommy. You're now much more competent with the acrylics, with the oil paints and whatnot.

At every Thai restaurant, there is always a painting of the King of Thailand. Uh-oh. Now, if you can put Carl Chandler's face with the same regalia, so the white suit, put it all on there, and next time you hear that, if there's any way you can swap it over and see how long the chair does. If you do that, you know what?

I've said to my wife, we don't have any pictures on the wall here in our apartment. And I've said to her, we need something. We've got to get something. We never know what to do. If you can get me a picture of me as the king of Thailand, I'll absolutely permanently have that in my house. $800 and it's yours. Ah, fuck! Because now I'm established.

I've got to start marking the prices up. It's a bargain. It's not $1,000, is it? It's still less than what I should be charging. That would be a good challenge, though. Trying to get it into the restaurant somehow would be pretty good. Yeah. Oh, fuck.

Yeah, next time we go to Thailand would be good. We'd get killed. Oh, okay. Because all I'm suggesting is do this painting and hang it up in the restaurant. That'd be funny. And you're going, no, I want it in my house. Yes, absolutely. Absolutely.

If you try to do that in Thailand. Painting of me as the king in my own house. You'd get killed in Thailand, though. They warn you, don't do anything like that over there. How would your wife take to that, do you think? She'd be, I think that'd be, like she puts up with a lot. So I think that goes under the line of. That's a real test.

That's doable, I think. And your child starting to kind of like, you know, get a bit older, start to be making some memories. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This weird thing where my dad had this giant painting of himself dressed as a king. Yes. Like our living room growing up.

Looking like Gaddafi or whatever. Some dictator in a white suit. That's just daddy's picture of him dressing up as the king of Thailand. Is that what your daddies do? After that he did a drone strike on Laos. I like how you say you can't have any kind of thing, they're sensitive about the king over there in Thailand. That would mean I wasn't allowed to put the painting up in the restaurant.

The idea that the people running it treat it like international waters. So I set foot in their Thai restaurant, try and put this photo up, and immediately they just behead me. They're like, you know the rules. Even though this is just a restaurant that's in Maryborough, we are still subject to Thai law when you're in these four walls. Explain that you're the king of Maryborough. We are still subject to Thai law when you're in these four walls. Explain that you're the king of Maryborough. It's just respectful for where they're at right now.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're on... Yeah, look, I didn't think of that, the Maryborough restaurant. That would make sense. Yeah, yeah. That would be okay. Yeah.

Okay. All right. So menu was small and unexpected. There was a friendly greeting on arrival. Great. Okay. Classic. The decor was light and bright. The dining area was small and unexpected. There was a friendly greeting on arrival. Great. Okay. Classic.

The decor was light and bright. The dining area was small but cozy. Okay. The menu choices were a little different than I expected. Now, again, I don't know what she's on about with that. A little bit, again, she was like, you know, there's not enough stuff. I'm looking at everything. There's all your classics on the Thai restaurant.

Again, there's no Hawaiian pizza, like what she's used to when she goes to Thai restaurants. I looked at the curries. Like, you've got your yellow, Penang, red, green, jungle, Massaman. Classic. There's your top six. That's all of them, yeah. If you've got anything other than that, I reckon that's bonus. Man, I want to know what's going on with this restaurant because 69 items on the menu.

Now, you've just shown me the menu. It's on 96 High Street, Maryborough. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. So that's a 69. They're falling asleep. It's time for the rest.

Yeah. I get it. They've had a fight in the middle of the 69. 96 represents two people that have killed themselves. Jesus. It's a Mary Burroughs 69. That's the Hearst 69. I'm back on.

I'm back on. It's a growler. It's a real growler. Babe, let's do this one head to tails. You're so right because if you get those curries, if you've got a pad thai, you've got rice, roti,

and maybe some spring rolls, that's every white person's dream. Exactly. They cover all bases. There's even stuff on there I wouldn't have expected there to be. There's a bit of money bags there which I'm not really sure is very Thai.

No, it's kind of, there is more Chinese. There's dim sims which is an absolute absolute doff of the hat to Mirabara culture.

Definitely there. Chico rolls? Sushi. Just going shy of that. It's got teppanyaki. Yeah. No, there's a bunch of stuff for people that

And it's still got those tomato sauce sachets sitting on the counter. Yeah, yeah. What, 20 cents a rite for those? Bullshit. No, honestly, there's a bunch of stuff in there where you go,

this is for people who got lost and think, and they're used to Peach Village, the Chinese restaurant. Right. Well, this is basically the same. Yeah. All these Asian restaurants look the same. So they've gone in there, they've got the black bean. Set the hook on to, yeah, that's cool.

Black bean in there. They've got the, what else? Chicken and cashews. Yes. Dim Sims. Yep. Swin Sour? No, they know what they're doing.

They know what game they're playing. Honey Chicken. Okay. Absolutely not Thai. No, it's not, but... No. I want to go to this, but I'm getting bloody hungry. Yeah, I'm keen.

I'm keen. Let's go. A lot of duck. No sandwich, but a lot of duck on the menu. Right. I think that's what Mum was a bit thrown out by. Right. A lot of duck. No sandwich, but a lot of duck on the menu. Right. I think that's what Mum was a bit thrown out by. Right. A lot of duck.

Ducks, Maryborough's biggest export. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jesus, there's going to be a lot of ducks going missing around there because I do not know of any. Maybe because of duck sandwich. When you Google Maryborough, that's what comes up. They're like, well, we've got to hit them between the eyes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Some real duck lovers here. Yeah. Table service was good. Nice little bit of detail. So you've got a bit of an idea of how the restaurant looks. Like bright day call. Yep. My palate's going to fit right in.

Yeah. Exactly. I'm a bit confused at this point. What about my painting of you as the king in the restaurant and then out in the toilets, a Photoshop picture of you getting fucked by a ping pong ball. To be fair, that would be hard. It wouldn't be me being fucked by a ping pong ball.

That would, 50-50 might be a picture of me shitting out a ping pong ball, to be fair. Yeah, well, you know, that's like all great art. It's open to the interpretation of the viewer. Okay. Yeah, that's true. That's a bit half. Maybe the viewer is the ping pong ball. Or us half empty's a bit half. Maybe the viewer is the ping pong ball. Or us half empty.

Yeah, exactly. Maybe the viewer is the ping pong ball and the artwork is the arsehole. No, I think we got it wrong. You never know with art. Jeez, you're 96 with that one. A real double suicide. Yeah, one of us killed ourselves as well. Took the other person with me.

You stood next to someone and just put it through your ear and straight into the next person. Like a corn video. So there were two clocks on the wall. One Thai and one Aussie. Oh, they've got Thai time up there. That's cool. That's good.

That's a nice touch. Kind of put yourself into the Thai time zone. You're like, oh, now I'm enjoying the food more. But it's confusing because it's three hours. So it's just like, oh, I'm a bit early for dinner. Yeah, yeah. You get in there, it's four in the afternoon, Thai time. You're like, actually, can we just hang out here for a bit?

Yeah. Bring this out in three and a half hours. There's more of a time zone in Perth. It's like a Perth clock. I went here for lunch and now I've fucking got jet lag. All right, so our choices. Entree, Thai spring rolls. Classic.

I think it's a bit much for her to say Thai. I mean, they're spring rolls. Yep. You would have bought this entree anywhere you went. Main, Pad Thai, Combo Meat. Combo Meat? Yeah. Oh, that's a big call.

Don't know about that. Yeah, I don't know about that either. What is Combo Meat? Is that beef then? It's whatever's going, I think. It's probably like they've got a chicken one, a beef one, a prawn one, and then an option where you can just have all of the meats. To be honest, since Sunshine Johnson came through, horse meat.

Yeah, combo meat is, what is it? It'd just be all three. It'd be like all the choices in one, right? Yeah, it'd be everything they had, which I guess is just beef and chicken and maybe duck. Yeah, prawn. Prawn, yeah, I'm not with it. And another flock of deer have gone missing in Maryborough again. Yeah.

No, I'm absolutely with you. Just pick one. Pick one. Never go for that option when it comes up. Nah. Nah. Not for me. Because you've tried to hedge your bets, but you've really stuffed it.

Yeah. Yeah. Who goes, no, I don't like chicken, don't like beef, don't like pork? So put it all in. How about we put it all together? Yeah, yeah. That's what I like. I like the Neapolitanolitan ice cream right i like all of them a little bit yeah not enough to let one of the meats stand on its own two feet yeah you're gonna be a real

meathead to get into that you know what i mean like oh just bloody i just want the texture of meat yeah all of it you know that i'm eating an apple well i love meat lovers pizza have you got anything in here like that boy we've got a pad thai that was absolutely satisfying. It really is how many creatures have to die for your meal to satisfy you. Like how many different things do you want to wipe out? I don't only want one thing to suffer. I want three people. I want three creatures missing.

And are you into it enough that you're trying to get a little bit in each mouthful? You want the full experience. Are you trying to break it up? Are you trying to have a couple of mouthfuls of chicken, a couple of mouthful you want the full experience are you trying to break it up are you trying to have like a couple of mouthfuls of chicken a couple mouthfuls a bit or are you trying to like really line it up so that you've just got a fucking full interspecies orgy in your mouth all at once you know what i love there's uh i was in a like italian kind of deli the other day it was like a real old school one and they had that you know the big fat Devon things, the big fat Devon sausages, but you slice it and it's a smiley face? Oh, yeah.

I was like, oh, man, that is so cool. Like the Devon industry have got together. They're going, look, we have the most horrific thing since combo meat going out there. Like this is everything, just every animal, bone. How can we make it pleasing to an audience? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This will distract them. Smiley, oh, beautiful is everything. Just every animal, bone. How can we make it pleasing to an audience? Yeah, yeah. This will distract them.

Smiley. Oh, beautiful. Yeah, feed it to the kitties. Yeah. Pad Thai combo meat, Thai fried rice with chicken. Okay. So they haven't gone too... Thai fried rice.

Thai fried rice and Pad Thai. Yeah. Like, that's interesting. Yeah. Because it's just different sorts of carbs. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? You've gone from egg noodle to rice, but that's the same concept. Yeah. Like, that's interesting. Yeah. Because it's just different sorts of carbs. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? You've gone from egg noodle to rice, but that's the same concept.

Yeah, I agree. I would have gotten rid of the rice, but then have more entrees. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get something else in the mix with the spring rolls, and then only one main. I agree. I guess they're sharing everything, right? Yes. Yeah.

God, I love Pad Thai. Sorry? It's so good. Yeah, it's okay. Pad Thai's great. It's okay. It's so good. It's not my go-to, but yeah.

Ooh. Yeah. Oh, it looks like we've got ourselves a little connoisseur here. Yeah, okay. I dabble in the food. Yeah. Prefers his margarita pizza entirely. Someone eats.

Yeah. I don't mean to brag, but I do have three square ones. Very enjoyable. Last comment. I was very surprised to see the dessert menu. Okay. Okay. square ones very enjoyable last comment I was very surprised to see the dessert menu okay

okay alright so I read this while mum was here visiting and just quickly was last comment something that she

had written no so you know there's nothing after this this is why I've inserted that this is the

dessert of the review there's four items on the dessert of the review. There's four items on the dessert menu, on the very last things on the menu, which is obviously 65, 67, 68, 69. There's the black sticky rice with Thai custard or coconut milk. I'm like, well, that's not too surprising.

Banana fritter. Okay. Kho Tom Mud, which if you know what that is, steamed sticky rice stuff with banana, wrapped with banana leaf, which I've seen. Okay. I've never found all that with sweet sticky rice and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Me too. I love it. Sticky rice with mango in Thailand, so good. So this is the surprising element on the menu. Is this number 69? This is number 69. Oh! All right. So if you're going through Maribor and you're going to Bangkok Thai and you want a 69,

this is what you're going to get when you ask for one. You might be a little bit surprised. You won't get the full experience of what you're expecting, but you will get this. 69 Thai pancake topped with condensed milk and chocolate or strawberry. Okay. So she was like, oh, what's all that about? Now, you guys remember, Kappa and Tommy, you've both been to Thailand with me, the three consecutive Coastal Movie Podcast vessels.

The pancake carts on the streets. Yeah, yeah. They're all over the place in Thailand, right? Yeah. This is the thing she's surprised by. Oh, what's all that about? That you can get a pancake. There was three of them outside of our hotel

every night that you walked in. Right, right. And this is the thing she's shocked by, something she saw ten times a day. Right,

all the sticky rice and stuff. No, that's all. Stuff that she wouldn't have seen elsewhere, probably. But this common as mud dessert is what threw her off.

You would have seen them, mum. They're a light green. Ah, yes. Yes. That's for her off. Okay. You would have seen them, Mum. They're a light green. Ah, yes. Yes. That's literally my walk back to the hotel every night in Costa Mili, I reckon, walking past the pancake guy with him going, do you want one of these? And then past a woman who was originally a man saying, do you want some of this?

And a taxi driver asking loudly if I want a ride and then softly if I want any marijuana. So that's part of the late night culture. Does that happen when you walk out of the... Kind of close to that would happen when you walk out of the Maryborough one. Oh, yeah. Except it would be meth. Meth and meth, I think.

I think that would be it. It wouldn't be a man who was a woman or anything like that. It would just be either a woman or a man going, why am I here? No, it would be two people saying, do you want meth? And one person saying, what are you looking at, cunt? That would be the last offer of the night. So you're saying in this context, it's almost like the pancake is like the kebab of Thailand, of Koh Samui. So maybe that's the thing that your mum finds weird about.

You know what it's like? Weird when you walk past a kebab joint at like 6 p.m. and there's just someone sitting down in there for just like a normal civilized dinner at a normal time. Maybe that's the thing that she finds weird in her head. She can't disconnect. It's like, imagine just eating this not on the street in an actual restaurant. Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah, with safety standards and everything.

Because did they get dessert at all? Because I'm not a sweet tooth. I don't remember the pancakes. No dessert noted on the review. Because I don't remember the pancakes. Oh, you never got one. Because I'm not a sweet tooth. So I'm just like, that stuff doesn't exist.

I'm just not aware of it. Well, they're not really What we know as pancakes Over there Did you ever get one Kappa? Yeah I did They're like rotty bread With stuff on top of them Yeah they're pretty good

They're not like thinner Than like a western pancake They're not really the same That's why I kind of Hate going on a holiday there I like it But also When you're just a white

Rich restaurant You just eat Whatever's in front of you Sure You're like oh yeah cool I'll just have a pancake While walking down the street at 45 degree heat. Yeah. Why not?

Because it costs me 90 cents. Why not? Why not just absolutely live it up? Yeah. I'm in 7-Eleven. Why don't I just grab a beer and I'll grab one of those chicken things? And he's like, yeah, okay, I'll get some more stuff. And next thing you know, you're just bloody, you know, sweating it out.

Yeah. You've got a sloppy rig by the pool. Yeah. okay, I'll get some more stuff. The next thing you know, you're just bloody sweating it out. You've got a sloppy rig by the pool. That's an advertisement for Thailand. You can live like a king. Even Kappa is buying stuff, can afford to buy stuff he doesn't even need. Even Nick Kappa. The first two trips,

I couldn't even afford stuff. Well, to be fair, you left your ATM card in Singapore, so that's why. Yeah, yeah, that was true. Jesus. Well, shout out to Elaine Chandler for the book review. Yes. Book report.

Yep. She's available to review other restaurants in Mirabar if you're there. Oh, yeah. If you want any other restaurant reviews on the show, guys, if Old Pinkies or Peach Village or any other restaurants in Maryborough want one. What was the food like

at the Highlander Club? The Highland Society. Oh, Highland Society. Yeah, that's where we did the live show. That's actually, there's a Maryborough family reunion,

a Chandler family reunion, Maryborough style, happening there this week, I believe. Really? Oh, really? Are you going? I believe.

Didn't get the invite. Wow. Didn't get an invite. How. Didn't get an invite. How much of a prick are you? They're throwing you out of the chain pool. Literally, Mum rang me yesterday and goes, oh, there's a Chandler family catch-up coming up at the Highland Society. And I was like, oh, okay, waiting for the details.

And she goes, yeah, it's this Thursday. Me and Dad are going to go. And I'm like, oh, that doesn't sound like there's a request in there for me to go at all. Unbelievable. I mean, we'd invite you, but you know about the shame. Yeah. He's that shit of a bloke. He's not even registered as a Chandler.

You've absolutely buried the lady. You just read off a menu to us for 45 minutes and you had that up your sleeve. Yeah. They're just ashamed. Ever since that colour blindness came out they're like

we have no son. It's an anti-memorial of Carl Chandler. Mate we'll be looking at reds and blues and stuff nothing that would be of interest to you.

We'll be looking at primary colours. A bit over your head mate so. Alright we better wrap it up for another week on the Little Dumumb Club.

Dave Thornton, Nick Capper, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you. It's great to be here. Have you got things that you'd like to plug? Nick Capper's got a new show, surely. Yes, yes. It's based on what you guys put me through a couple of times, Tuxedo Traveller. It's the name of the comedy festival show, so you're touring.

It's all about the listeners of this show funding you to go from here all the way through Asia, through Europe to get to the London live show this year. And then also go all while dressed in a tuxedo. And then again from here to Newcastle. Yeah. That was the better one, I'd say. Okay. That's a good tip for the listeners if they want to go back in time and choose one to go to.

Yeah, that's good. No, no, they're all good. Yeah, so come and see that. And that's touring in what cities? Brisbane, Newcastle, Sydney, Melbourne. Fuck, this is the most work I've ever had to make someone plug their own fucking show. You know, I don't know. Sydney, they've got to get back to me.

So I'll make it happen in Sydney. I don't know. If you've got a venue, I'll put it on there. Right. If one of the listeners have some kind of large house, I can do it in. Some sort of couch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually, if you've got somewhere to stay as well, that'd be good.

That was implied. Jesus. Thornton, what have you got? Herpes? No. He's done it again. Nice. Thornton what have you got herpes no he's done it again nice I've got a couple gigs

I'll be at Wyong sometime in January I think January 20th or something like that which is just north of Sydney keeping an eye on socials on the Dave Thornton socials Wyong

exactly and then it's Stirling in South Australia then in February sometime check those out great alright guys thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time And then it's Stirling in South Australia then in February sometime. Check those out. Great. Oh. All right, guys.

Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. And they've done it again. I'm with you. I'm with you. Four months. They've done it 1.5 times the usual amount that they do it for. Oh, wow.

Oh, yeah. Okay. All right. Well, let's keep this. As a great man once said, let's keep this tighter this week. Talking dumb dumb. Another one of our new catchphrases. Let's keep it tight this week.

It's gone for an hour and 20 minutes. All right. I'm watching the time. This is what's happening. So we mentioned at the top of the episode that we have some big live show announcements. We mentioned at the top of the episode that we have some big live show announcements. We are heading back to Brisbane on March the 15th for a big live podcast and both of our new solo shows all in the one package. That's it.

We are going to a new venue for us. We're going to the Bright Side. We already put this on sale on the socials a couple of days ago. As this is coming out and this is selling very swiftly. This is not an amazingly huge venue. This isn't the biggest venue we've done in Brisbane. So, yeah, get on this. This will absolutely sell out and probably soon.

Also, this venue does have chairs. Yes, thank you very much. You will not be standing for this show. So before anyone else carries on with their fucking pressure, so I don't need my bum to be touching something. Oh, it'll touch something, all right. So, yeah, get on that littledumbdumbclub.com. The ticket links are on there now. The day before this, we will also be doing a live show in the city of Adelaide.

City's a strong word. Well, technically. I'm not saying that's not my definition. We're hitting the city of Adelaide. The city's a strong word. Well, technically. I'm not saying that's not my definition. We're hitting the village of Adelaide. Yes. Yeah. The sleepy hamlet of Adelaide. Yep.

And what are we doing there? What are we doing there? Well, you know, look, I've said for a long time, you know, we're not, I wasn't happy with Adelaide. We're not doing the podcast there. So we're doing stand-up there. Yeah. It's something – we're worried about people not coming to the podcast.

So we fixed that problem by giving them something they want even less. Yes. Our stand-up. Something that we don't expect them to come to. So – You know, we put a podcast on and we're like, these sell out everywhere. Yeah. So it's annoying when people don't buy tickets to that.

Yeah. But our stand-up, we're used to people in other cities not buying tickets to that. Yeah. So this is fine. Yeah. Now this, and that's fine. Like if you don't want to come to that, that's fine. You know, we're putting on solo shows.

I mean, look, it's not going to help your cause for getting the podcast back there. That's for sure. It's very selfish because it's like this is three weeks or whatever it is out from us doing the shows in Melbourne, give or take, roughly. So, you know, we want to get them going. We want to start working on them. We want to do them a couple

of times before Melbourne. We want to start working on the show. So we thought, let's go to another city and do them there. Well, I don't know. Working on shows. I mean, my show would be ready to go, baby. Well, you know what I mean. It's like, start doing it. It'll be the debut. It'll be the first time we've ever done it. Well, you know what I mean. It's like, start doing it. It'll be the debut. It'll be the first time we've ever done it. That's what I mean.

Yeah. It's not what you said. You're lying to me and the show and the listeners. So take it back. No. Fuck. We're going back to Adelaide. We are doing solo shows at the Crown and Anchor Hotel on Saturday, March 14 at 2 p.m. Now, we're doing back-to-back shows.

So you buy one ticket and get both shows. And look, put it this way. Look, you can come, you can not come, whatever you want. But this will have an impact on whether we come and do the podcast there. Yeah. That's all. Like this is our little toe in the water. This is our little sort of a love letter Adelaide and go, will you take us back?

You know? This is a trial shift. Yes. Yeah. This is to see if it's sustainable to do a podcast in Adelaide. That thing that we did a lot of times already. Yeah. So.

We're going back to basics. Back to the drawing board. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Trying to work out if there's demand. Yes. Because we thought early days there was, and we were proven wrong. Well, look, in terms of speed of buying tickets, I think that was the main problem with Adelaide.

People just go, oh, fuck it, you know, whatever. All right, well, let's see if you've learnt your lesson. Yeah. This is a little case study in lessons learnt in Adelaide. Let's see if you pass with flying colours, or we fuck off and don't even bring the stand-up back. Yeah, wow. That would be brutal.

Well, that's more of a reward than a punishment. Yeah, true. To some people. So March the 14th. So yeah, Saturday, March 14th. Sunday, March 15th. Adelaide and Brisbane, they're both on sale now. What a little roadshow we're doing that weekend.

I know. It's going to be fucking brutal. I know. Because we're going... What effectively... we were looking up the travel details and effectively what is going to have to happen is we do Adelaide on the Saturday and then the best way to get to, the only trustworthy way of getting to Brisbane for the next day is to catch a 6am flight on the Sunday. So, fucking hell.

Anyway. Brutal. But I'm at a point where I kind of would rather do just one big weekend than have multiple weekends. Oh, look. You and my wife are in the same category. Yes. She weirdly doesn't want me. It's funny that I was the one.

You were like, oh, we could do two weekends. I'm like, oh, I'm fine to do just in one. Yeah. Oh, look. Hey, I gave you the option. Like, either way. But no, look. That's fine by me.

Absolutely fine by me. So that'll be fun. That'll be actually good to do everything back to back. And yeah, that'll be fun. So big news. Adelaide, you are rocked to the core, aren't you? You can barely believe what we're saying. But it's true.

So please get on with that. I wonder if this will make the papers, this announcement. Fuck, I wish it would. Front page of the advertiser. No, no, no. They're back. In the whatever it's called, the gossip column. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. We want to be in that. That would I wish I would. Front page of the advertiser? No, no, no. They're back. In the whatever it's called, the gossip column. Oh, right.

Yeah, yeah. We want to be in that. That would be good. Yeah. Spotted. Spotted. A ticket link on littledumbdumbclub.com. Spotted.

Spotted. Someone who's bought a ticket to a show in Adelaide in advance. So, look, that'll be nice. Of course, as a little side thing, of course, Melbourne, you are on sale as well. We have live shows going on, what, on the 4th? 4th and 11th. On the 11th. Saturday the 4th and the 11th of April.

Of April, yep. They're afternoon shows. Afternoon shows at the European Beer Cafe and selling very, very quickly. Not many tickets left for them. And then Saturday, April the 25th at the Athename Theatre. It is our big live 500th episode. Huge theatre. Lots of stuff planned for that.

Tickets selling very well. It's assigned seating. So the quicker you get in, the better the seat you'll get. That's it. And there's only a couple hundred left for that. So in our big theatre. Of course, we have solo shows that we've aforementioned. Adelaide will see the absolute debut of Tommy Daslow, Meatball,

and Carl Chandler, Please Call Me Carl, Mr Comedy Was My Father. Fuck. It's going to be pain in the ass to keep remembering that full name. Is that written into the title? No, I'm still working on that. I'll have that wrinkle ironed out by Adelaide. You need to do a few trials of just testing the name of it. The title.

That's on sale for Melbourne at the moment. You're doing, what, are you doing a full month? I am doing a full month, yeah. I'm doing like two weeks, two and a half weeks or something like that. So that's all at littledumdumclub.com. So please get onto that. That would be good. Now, quickly, as we're speeding along through this already,

I do want to fit in a tiny little bit of Cancer Corner. Now, someone did have a question, sent in a question, a very valid question. Now, when you had cancer, stay with me. I'm with you, yeah. Yeah, you follow. And you were in hospital for quite a while. I was in and out for two years. Right.

So sometimes I would just have to go in, like something's up, and go in and try and find out what's wrong. Right. And so you think you're just kind of popping in, and then it's like, oh, no, you need to be in here. Oh. We need to admit you for a bit. And like frequently you would not know how long that's going to be. You'd walk in and they'd go, you better get your mum and dad to bring you PJs,

you're staying tonight. Yeah. Yeah, right. And even then it's like this could be two days, this could be three weeks. Like often you're in there and you're like, oh, maybe tomorrow you'll be able to go. And then they come around and it's like, this could be two days, this could be three weeks. Like, often you're in there and you're like, oh, maybe tomorrow you'll be able to go. And then they come around and it's like, nah, another day at least. That's what happened when my wife was pregnant.

Yeah, right. We went in there and it was like, oh, you're staying in here and you're having a baby tomorrow. Are you sure you just weren't pregnant? Pretty sure. Right. This was like 20 years ago. I've got a 20-year-old son. They just said, it's cancer. And you're like, oh, get get it out of me and then they just took this kid out of you this deformed fucked little kid i took this kid

out of you and gave it to an orphan the whole time you thought you had cancer you were pregnant there's a little mini allsop out out there somewhere i mean i was 10 that's there's so many brutal implications of that. Well, that's a real collector's item. No wonder they wanted to get it out of you and then probably sell it for big money. Yeah, fuck, you got ripped off. Was that the question? Was I pregnant?

I believe not. That was my own question, weirdly enough. Yeah. Now, the question was, how much school did you miss? And did this mean you had to be kept down or did this mean that it severely affected how you went at school? I think we've definitely talked about this before in some capacity. Wasn't kept down. I missed two years.

Hang on. You weren't kept down but you missed two years? Yeah. What does that mean? I missed two years of school. But they just kept passing you along yeah but you didn't miss two full years you were missing bits of years i missed half of year three all of year four and half of year five i was out of school that entire time and they just kept you going along what do you mean keep me going along if you missed out in grade four you didn't have to go back and do grade four? No. They just went, oh, you'll pick it up.

So I was doing, because my mum was a teacher, so I was doing little bits of like homeschooling with her. Right. Like she was kind of- I'm pretty sure we've never talked about this. I would remember if you've missed out completely on grade four. I have definitely said that I missed two years of school and didn't get it done. Because, yeah, mom was a teacher she was

getting uh i think she was probably like liaising with the school and get you know getting stuff kind of passed along right to sort of do with me that being said because it is such a like there's it's hard to rely on a schedule and you know all of a sudden it's like having to go into hospital at the last minute it is kind of hard to stick on a schedule. And all of a sudden it's like having to go into hospital at the last minute. It is kind of hard to stick to a routine of like, we're definitely going to do two hours a day. I think the plan was like maybe do an hour a day. And you're like, we've got some time where I'm not sick today.

I'm definitely taking that for recess instead of studying. Yeah, I do remember getting into a lot of fights with my mum about like, why the fuck am I doing maths now? I'm dying of cancer. I can't be fucked with this. Oh, yes. So I think in terms of of like it's worse than that thing of like people go why do algebra algebra i'm never going to use it when i grow up yeah why do maths i'm never growing up yeah exactly fuck yeah so it's like i'm yeah i'm yeah i think in my memory of the

amount of schooling that i was probably like i think that mum had planned for me to do, I think I probably, we probably did maybe like 30% of that. Right. I remember it frequently like, let's sit down to do this and then it ending with me going, fuck this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And just not doing it. Yeah. But. So really you've cheated your way through the school system.

I did cheat my way through the school system. What we need to do is set up some sort of Billy Madison situation. Or I go back to grade four. You go back and repeat grade four. Well, not repeat, do grade four. And bits of grade two and grade – No, three and five. Three and five.

Yeah. I mean, I was lucky because I was pretty good at school at that age. I liked reading, so I read a lot while I was sick. Right. So I was able to keep up that bit pretty easily. You know, weirdly enough, in this episode, I didn't get around to saying it, you talked about missing the bit of school

when you learnt about colours and assuming that that's what your colour blindness was. Yeah. I kind of have the same thing with measurements. We learnt measurements in grade four and I never did that. And as a result, I'm still now, I'm very bad with measurements. Like if people go, oh yeah, it's just down there. It's like, you know, 400 meters down the road.

I'm like, I literally don't know what that is. Really? Yeah. But when I went to grade four, they didn't, it wasn't like a school excursion. It was like walk 400 meters. Now you know what it is. Yeah, but I just, for whatever reason, I remember getting back to school

and I vividly remember like grade five people talking about, oh, yeah, last year we learnt measurements. I vividly remember this and just like never knowing. What do you like, feet or centimetres better? I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, dude. I've got cancer. No, but literally I do like feet better because that's the one measurement that I can visualize in my head because of Subway.

That's quite honestly, inches and feet is the only thing I can like accurately work out in my head because I can just picture a sandwich. When someone says, oh, that's about 40 feet down the road, you just think of sandwiches on the street going all the way down. Yes. Nice. Literally, yes.

It's not literally. You cannot tell me that you're picturing sandwiches going down the street. I'm telling you, I am. So when I say I'm about six foot one, you're seeing six meatballs, and a little bit of a bite on top. Yes. I'm picturing you as if we're on a desert island and i haven't eaten for a week and i'm just starving and i'm just picturing you as six foot long subway sandwiches stacked on top of each other oh that's awesome yeah man i wish i

hadn't gone to school now i wish i had a fucking crazy brain like that yeah um but then was what was the other part of that question? Was it hard going back? Yeah. Was it? Yeah, I don't really remember it apart from having to picture distance, apart from having to picture the Twin Towers as just like 10,000 sandwiches stacked on top of each other.

I don't remember it being too difficult. I mean, you know, like socially weird because you come back in and it's like everyone in your class kind of knows what's happened. It's like a bit weird. Like this guy's just been gone for like a year and now he's back. And at that age too, it's like people kind of like – kids kind of like weirdly dance around things but at the same time just being like, are you okay?

Are you allowed to be here? Can I catch what you had? Can I catch what catch what you had yeah all that kind of stuff yeah and also like yeah you've missed out on the you know like dumb little things that happen in your group of friends and stuff like that there's new kids there's new uh not i actually don't remember that too much i don't remember there being too many new kids at that point maybe like one or two but like not yeah and your friends have moved on and made other friends? Maybe you're outside of the friendship circle a little bit maybe? I stayed pretty tight with the two really good friends that I had the whole time I was sick.

That wasn't too much of an issue. The main thing, the big thing was my school had started, I think it might have been Japanese. I think they'd started having like learning japanese right at the start of year five and because i came back halfway through or three quarters through um it was just too hard for me to pick up so it was like that part of the day every day me having to just go and occupy myself while they learn japanese so that was kind of a bit of a bummer of like you feel like you're into the swing of things. Everything's getting back to normal. You know, you're cured.

You can get on with hanging out with your friends. And then like once a day, you're having to just like, you know, fuck off and sit in the corner by yourself. Carl's just run to go and check on his cat and make sure that it's not eating his child. The cat just ran. The baby's asleep at the moment. And the cat just ran up to the door

and just pushed the door open and ran in there and left the door wide open so that the baby can hear us talking shit so so wait you it doesn't matter now the cat's back the cat just has an aversion to any door being closed it takes a personal affront if there's a door closed and just goes i don't even want to go into that room i just need access to this shit room that i don't even want to go to but this is the visual of that of just what what just happened was like you asking me something he's done it again you asking me something about being sick and then i'm pouring my heart out about having cancer it's like yeah yeah yeah sounds rough anyway i'm gonna go check on my cat i'm gonna go play with

my cat over in the corner. It's my baby. I'm not worried about the cat. I'm worried about my baby. And the cancer, because you're doing a lot of talking now, and the cancer fumes coming off your mouth may be going into that room. Oh, right, right, right, right. I'm gassing your kid with aplastic anemia. Yeah.

So, yes, I'm very lucky that I just had a natural aptitude for studying at that age and also that my mum was in a position where she could try her best and try and keep things going in that capacity. Man, I mean, that would have made it so much more brutal, like getting over it, going back to school, like I said, all the social aspect of it being hard enough and then having to be, like, repeat grade dumb fuck that would have been brutal yeah no i mean even though there's like a fine reason for it that just would have made it so much harder to then have

like your group of friends be a year above you like yeah yeah hanging out and you know a year at that age is such a big thing all of a sudden you're there with like the little kids yeah yeah yeah i mean you remember anyone who like got kept down down at your school and just, like, you know, it's just like you just rinse them. Yeah. I don't think – I don't – I'm not sure if that ever happened. Oh, really? We had a kid in my year in year seven, yeah, who got held back. Right.

So, we were in year eight. I remember, like, because I relate to what you're talking about. Like, I reckon grade four – all the way through primary school, I was a very good student. So I think I could see myself doing the same sort of things. You pick this stuff up. You're not learning that much. A lot of those years are just sort of busy time.

It's probably just about the last. I mean, I'm quote-unquote lucky that it was at that age because it's probably just about the last year of school that you could get away with that yeah i would say probably grades from grade six onwards yeah it's probably more like you can't get away with this yeah you can't get away with just not doing this yeah year level and then like going missing all of grade six and then going into year seven yeah like leapfrogging the last year of primary school into high school yeah i can't see that flying fuck that'd be man let us know if anyone got kept down that listens to this show yeah i imagine this is about to light up

people still get kept down now i assume of course yeah yeah we i mean like, in my case... And for people overseas that's held back or whatever, you know, major repeating year. Repeating year level. I mean, in my case, if it had happened to me, it would have been fair enough because I was just, like, straight up not there. Imagine if you went to school with someone who got kept down that year and you come back and just go through to the next year

and you literally haven't even stepped foot inside the school for a year. Yeah, brutal. Yeah. Fuck. And like the idea that – yeah, so there's that. Like, you know, if that had happened to me, like, yeah, fair enough.

I just wasn't there. But, yeah, I mean, we had the kid in my year, in year seven, who got kept down when we moved on to year eight just because he was a dumb fuck. I mean, that's brutal yeah you were there every day but he was just like he was just like a real rat bag kid just like wagging class to smoke like just being a little shithead and it's like i mean that's so brutal like there's no there's no like you know justify it's literally just like you are a dumb fuck and you have to do all and that's the thing it's like then having to just just do those classes again if i had been held down it would

have been like you know so you can do these classes for the first time this guy just having a year of schooling yeah that's just identical to the year he's just had on paper you are dumber than some cancer cunt that didn't even turn up and you were here for some of it yeah brutal yeah alright is that enough of an answer that's more than enough

thank you that's all of mine and someone else's answers questions answered do you have the name of that person not on me okay

well thanks to whoever that was yeah that's a good question it was a good question they asked me a couple weeks ago and then when I struggled to remember what the question was last week,

they emailed me with the question again. Wow, they really wanted to know. Yes. And now next week you can follow up with whatever your name was

that I forget. I should say a big thank you to my mummy for teaching me in those years. Really did me a favour there. Yeah.

As you put it, dumb fuck cancer cunt who had to be held down. All right. Like I said, let's try and keep this brief today. We're not traveling that well in terms of that so far, but let's see if we can improve that. Just quickly, just one slight deviation while I think of it.

In asking if we have any listeners who've been kept down, maybe there's listeners still at school who are currently about to be kept down. My mum's currently a tutor. Oh, really? Maybe we could hook a listener up with my mum to give them some tutoring to help them pass year four. You don't even have to go to school and she'll get you through to the next grade. That's quite a CV.

You don't even have to do all of her classes that is a great teaching imdb um reference she's got on i'd love to get my mum my mum actually i don't think she has any any room for any more students but that would be very funny a very funny hookup all right get my mum a student through this podcast the child of a listener of this. I had tutoring once in my life. I think it was, I don't know. I think I was always like a pretty smart kid. And then I got to like year nine or something like that. And then I started to not have the absolute natural aptitude for everything like I'd always had.

Like whatever I do, I'd be like, oh, I'm really good at this. I'm smart, you know, whatever. And then I started to get to stuff that I was like oh this is not i don't i'm not that interested in this so that means i'm not that good at it anymore like they started getting complicated with maths algebra algebra and stuff like that and i'm like i'm not into this that was my big thing once i lost interest like i stayed good at english and stuff right up until the end of school but yeah maths i think I dropped maths in year 10 or something

I was like fuck this I was I went good at comedy all the way year 7 through 12 you know did quite well Maribor

Maribor had a good class for that oh did they really yeah the school of hard knock knocks don't say that so but I remember going to

getting tutored once but I not sorry not once but like over a course of weeks But I remember going to getting tutored once. Sorry, not once, but like over the course of weeks. But I'd always go to this tutor. It would be like 8.30 at night. I'd go for an hour and it was about stuff I had no interest in. But the guy kept the room so fucking warm. The heater was on so hot that I'm there. It's late-ish in the evening for someone in year nine.

It's about something really boring, and then it's really hot. And I remember partially falling asleep through several of these tutoring exercises. Okay, so the one thing I can ascertain through this information is that the tutor definitely wasn't David Letterman. No, you're right. You're exactly right. Okay, by process of elimination, I've ruled out Letterman. Only a you're right. You're exactly right. By process of elimination, I've ruled out Letterman. Only a couple more billion to go. All right.

Hang on, let me get my marker out. Cross out one name off this list. Let me ask you this follow-up question about your tutor. It wasn't Jay Leno. Have they ever touched any of their Tonight Show money? Again, I said, I think I've ruled that with two out.

All right, two. Wow. This is going to be a quicker one this week. Let me put a line through the name of at least six to ten people. It wasn't a late night host.

Fucking hell. It wasn't Arsenio Hall. Wasn't Bill Maher. Yep, yep. Okay, all right. James Corden. Not Conan. Not Conan.

Not Conan. Anyway, very weird way of doing tutoring. I was just sitting there going, none of this is going into my head. I'm just going to sleep. Anyway. Yeah, algebra. Fuck it now. Let's crack on with this segment of the show

where we thank everyone for subscribing to patreon.com slash little dumb dumb club it keeps the show alive literally what you do when you donate to us every month is you get bonus material like a bonus episode bonus magazine go to patreon.com slash little dumb dumb club

to find out exactly what you would get if you were to chuck in some shekels to us. And of course, part of that is, it goes to the upkeeping of the Unplanned Title Alternator, which houses all the names of everyone that subscribes to us and spits them out randomly. Yep. And anywhere between one and, you know, 120 names per week.

Again, who knows what it's going to be this week. It's all part of the fun, part of the excitement. A lot of people, I don't know if you know this, there's a bit of a betting ring, there's a bit of culture around our show where they bet on how many names we'll read out. Right. I wonder how often they're correct.

Yeah, look, I don't know. What are the payouts on this thing like? I don't know. What I can say is I've made a little bit of a bet this week on it. Really? Is this allowed? Is this potentially match fixing? Actually, edit that bit out, Tommy. Go back to basically when you had cancer and then edit all that bit out. Edit all of this out? Yeah, take this bit out and then start. Because I've put $6,900 on us. I'm only reading out five names this week.

Wow. So if you can just take that out. Yeah. And we'll restart now. So we read a bunch of random names out. Completely random number. Subscribe to patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. Who knows how many numbers it is?

Who cares really? Yeah, not us. It doesn't matter. Yeah. You'll all get your name, not us. It doesn't matter. You'll all get your name read out eventually. It's a real mystery. It's certainly not in our hands how many names get read out. It's just down at the computer, which has been verified by many judges.

It's a foolproof system. Yep. I don't even know why I'm still talking about it. It's very obvious that, A, it's out of our hands, and, B, who cares? Yeah, exactly. It's not relevant. Yeah, it's out of our hands, and B, who cares? Yeah, exactly. It's not relevant. Yeah, exactly. So let's crack on this week.

First cab off the rank this week, thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Michael Menz. Michael Menz. Yeah, as in like Mercedes Benz, but with an M. M-E-N-Z? That's it, baby. Ooh, interesting. Menz it, baby. Ooh. Interesting. Men's. Men's.

Yeah. It's a strange one. It is a strange one. It's, I don't know, it's like M-E-N-S. It's double plural. Yeah. That's exactly what it is, a double plural. But then made cool. But made cool.

But it's got a bit of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air to it. It's been graffitied on the side of... Maybe this guy has learnt how to write his name from a graffiti artist. And... That's how he's learnt it on the side of a wall. Sure, sure, sure. Okay, that's how he spelled it. His parents were famous graffers. Yes. And they're like, in this house, there's no he's learned it on the side of a wall. Sure, sure, sure. And gone, okay, that's how we spell it. His parents were famous graffers.

Yes. And they're like, in this house, there's no S's. Yeah, there's no S's in men's. There's only Z. Yes. Yeah. And they're just tagging their own driver's license. Yeah.

Michael Men's. Men's. It's, um... I don't know if I'd enjoy being this man. Really? Yeah. It's, on top of everything else, it's M&M as being this man. Really? Yeah. On top of everything else, it's M&M as well. Yeah.

M&M. And going by Mike, assuming that he does go by Michael, you'd think, I don't know, Mike Menz. Yeah. That's better. That's cool. Yeah. Michael Menz.

Also, you know, you're at the front of a lot of toilets going, well, this is literally for me. That's your house. Yeah. That's where you live. That's you, that weird silhouette. Yeah. He could just get the little icon and have that as his surname instead of the word.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just to put a photo of himself on every toilet door going around. Yeah. And also put Michael on top of there. Instead of putting Occupied on a toilet, Michael. Just put Michael and say, I'm going to my room.

Yeah. Yeah. So do you think the kids at his school would have been able to put that one together? Fuck. This fucking cat. Cat hates doors being closed. Seriously, I closed the door.

It's... She's gone apeshit. Yeah. It's a personal affront. Fuck this fucking cat. Go outside, Crunchy. Fucking hell. This cat's insane. Did you know when you got the cat that you...

Had you talked about having kids when you got the cat? Because for whatever reason to me, a cat and a child at the same time has always seemed like way too much work. A dog and a child seem like they could live in harmony together. There's something about a cat, how they're very like... They get very shitty.

They're kind of in the way. They're a bit like... I don't know. It seems like a tough balance. I'll be... Tough combo. I'll be honest. The cat was talked about in terms of having a baby afterwards because it was like...

Look, I'm telling tales out of school here, which I think people love. But my now wife, don't say her name, which is her full name now. I've changed that. She has never had a pet, has never had, she was the youngest child, she was the youngest child by a long way, so I was really like, has she got any nurturing bone in her body?

Right, right. So the cat was like a test. So I was like, let's get a cat and just like, because she would say to me, and I've probably said this before on the show, but she would say to me, the only pet she ever had, she had like a budgie for like two days and she fed it Omo, the

washing detergent, and it died. And she would, and like, honestly. I don't think you have told that. Right. I would remember something like that. Right. So, so. Omo, great brand.

Yeah. Found out. So, we... When I was talking about, like, the dogs and cats that we had growing up to my then-girlfriend and now wife, she would sort of be like, like, really not care and really give off a vibe of, like, whatever, who cares? I'm like, are you... Are we going to have a kid and you just leave it out in the rain? Right, right, right.

You know, think it feeds itself. She was like she didn't understand the affection that one could have for a pet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like that was a lot there. And I was like, are you going to just leave the kid down the shops or something and go, well, I can always have another one in like nine months. Right. So I was like, well, let's get a cat and just figure this shit out and see if we can see if we can get the nurturing instincts out and sure enough she was

breastfeeding the cat so that was worked out perfectly thanks michael yeah thanks michael dunny yeah thanks michael um gentlemen gentlemen's um thank you to patron subscriber Now Okay This is I've got a feeling This isn't the full name But this is the name We've been given Yep Thank you to Patreon subscriber

Kate Mack MAC Yeah She must have some job Where she doesn't want You know Maybe She's trying to

Trying to stay a little bit Anon Maybe Or just You know People sometimes sign up To stuff And don't really think

Too hard about it And go Oh whatever I'm not expecting my name Being to To be read out here Right they're like It's so random Or just, you know, people sometimes sign up to stuff and don't really think too hard about it and go, oh, whatever. I'm not expecting my name to be read out here. Right. They're like, it's so random. These guys make a good living off it. There must be millions and millions of subscribers in there.

What are the odds of my name coming out at any point? Yeah. So it doesn't really matter what I put in because it's never going to come to pass. Sometimes people have their Patreon accounts and don't really want to give all their information out anyway. Yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, sure. Sure. Kate Mack.

She may not have thought of the consequences of us, of her not having her full name immortalised right now. Sure. She just didn't want to give her full identity away to Mr. Patreon. Brutal for her if that is her actual name. It can't be. Who would possibly be called this? It can't be. You can't have the last name M-A-C.

M-A-C, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You probably wouldn't be familiar with the show, what's it called? The Secret Life of Alex Mack. I'm aware of it existing. Yeah. Do you know what the premise is? No.

It's a young lady who, I don't know, she walks past a fucking nuclear spill or something and she gains this power where she can turn into a puddle. Right. Is that the only ability? I believe so, yeah. A puddle? Yeah. How handy does that come?

Well, she can kind of move around, so it's just like she can sneak in places. Oh, just like puddles? Yeah. Or just move around? Just move around. Right. Yeah. All the powers of a puddle.

Right. As long as there's a slight gradient, she can move wherever she wants. As long as it's downhill. As long as where she wants to move is down. Yeah, exactly. It never comes up. She's always like, this is convenient. I hope she started season one, episode one was at the top of the Himalayas or something.

Right. Because it's literally all downhill from there. Yeah. Yeah. That's where her school was. Right. Himalaya High. Right.

But no, you know, she can like, you know, she can sort of, you know, turn into the puddle. Right. Eavesdrop on people. Right. Kind of slink around, sneak into places. That reminds me, this would be too young for you. And I shouldn't say that because all TV can be repeated and you can find it online and whatever. But there was, what I used to really like as a kid was, I was a big fan of superheroes as a little kid.

That's what they're for. Not for grown-ups. Anyway, there's a lot of people still into now for some reason. I mean, again, it's like the amount of our listeners that would be into that. Yes. But I'm making it clear, fuck you and grow up. But loved the cartoon as a kid, the Justice League of America. But then, and people will know this, those nerds out there that are into this shit,

there was a separate cartoon called Super Friends, which was like, for some reason, the baby's version of the Justice League of America. So you'd have Justice League of America, but you'd have all the classics, Superman, Batman, Greenland, Wonder Woman, all that shit. Then you'd have the Super Friends, which is the same thing, except I think they didn't think kids could quantify what Justice League of America. That sounds too formal. Yeah. There's too much jargon, legal jargon going on in that title.

So Super Friends, keep it nice and dumb it right down. Is it the same characters? Basically the same characters. Except they inserted these two new characters that didn't exist within the DC comic world. Didn't have their own comic books and weren't in the comic book. Yeah. Just a pure creation of the animation company called the Wonder Twins. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've heard about this, but I don't know. I've never seen. Right. I hear it referenced in things. Right. And it was such a dumb ass thing because it was two twins or identical twins and they both had powers. One of them was the guy could have the power of turning into any animal he wanted.

Yep. And the girl had the power of turning into some form of water right and that's it the girl really got short change there yeah like she'd be turning into like a um uh some sort of ice um like ice going all over a road so people a villain would slip up on right whatever right or sometimes she'd turn into like a bucket of water, which I was always a bit like, yeah, but there's a bucket there. Yeah, okay. So she can turn into water,

but she can also turn into something that's housing the water. A vessel. Yeah. So why not just be a mountain? Why not just be a river that's got a whole mountain attached to it? Why not be a fucking huge gorilla that's got a mouthful of water and she can just carry that water and then punch the fuck out of someone.

Yeah, or just into another person because people are, what percentage of water are people? Yeah, they're like 70% water or something. By that logic, she should just be able to like turn into a person. You're fucking dead right. Absolutely dead right. So maybe the problem isn't that, because I was about to say, there's a real kind of gender equality problem here with the Wonder Twins. But maybe the problem is more with her kind of like limited scope.

Yeah. Thinking about how to use her powers. Yes. It's all. She's just not trying hard enough. Imagination. Yeah. Yeah.

Maybe. I mean, you know what? The guy, it probably is, if he was limited enough in his powers of, you know, imagination, he probably could have had the same thing. Yes. You know? I completely agree. Now I just just need to i can only turn into blood but what i didn't realize is i can also turn into something that's housing the blood i can turn into animals yes great yeah i agree now now i'm now i'm getting paranoid that i've mixed up the powers um

oh god okay maybe it's oh maybe it's the girl that can turn into the animal. I think I fucked it. Okay. Well, either way, our point still stands. Yep. Zan and Jaina. So, Jaina's the girl, right? Jaina's got to be the girl's name.

Sure. Zan sounds like, yes, I fucked it. Okay. People were screaming at the podcast. I'm fixing it. I felt that nerdish scream into the into the ether zan was the water boy and jana was the animal woman right so you had the powers right but you just had them the wrong way around so at point still stands absolutely yes this guy's just not thinking

hard enough yeah yeah yeah yeah you're using zan real dumb fuck yep get it together we need to reboot this and really um expand the minds of these two characters. Yeah. Get creative. Yeah. Yeah. You're limited by these powers, but you can stretch. You can do some other things.

Thanks, Kate Mack. Yeah. Thanks, Kate Mack. Thank you to Patreon subscriber, Philip Bolesky. Oof. Mm. B-O-L. B-E-L.

B-E-L. E-S-K-Y. Bolesky. Mm. I like it. You don't mind it? Sounds like the kind of name that would be yelled in like an old cop show. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're off the handle, Bolesky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, totally. A grizzled, oh, yeah, I don't know. Does it sound Polish Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, totally. A grizzled... Oh, yeah. I don't know. Does it sound Polish? It's probably not.

Something like that. I think any time we speculate on the origins... Yeah, it's completely wrong. Yeah. It's certainly an old man name. Big time. Yeah, big time. This guy is at least 60.

This guy is not taking any advice from being currently in grade four and needing the tutelage of your mum, is what I'm saying. No chance. No. No chance he's in grade four. Unless, although it is funny when you do meet a kid with, like, a really old man name. Who was that guy that we knew in LA that had, like, a... Oh, Frank. Frank.

Yeah. We knew this, like, young guy. He was probably, like, 20 or something like that. I think at the time that we met him, he was early 20s. Yeah. Good looking guy. A young looking guy as well. He was young, but he was young looking.

We met him through- Fresh, vibrant young man. We met him through our affiliation with the Earwolf Podcast Network. Yes. And he came and picked us up and took us for dinner one night. We had a great time with him. Yes. Lovely young man. Yeah met him through our affiliation with the Earwolf Podcast Network. Yes. And he came and picked us up and took us for dinner one night. We had a great time with him. Yes. Lovely young man.

Yeah, he did. Shoot him up and see what he's doing now. But yeah, I don't want to give out his full name. No. But his surname is kind of, it's like an old person's surname as well. You're right. You're right. Frank.

But to know a young Frank was very weird, wasn't it? It was like, I felt bad because it felt like we were hanging shit on him, but I just wanted to keep saying Frank. But to know a young Frank was very weird, wasn't it? It was like, I felt bad because it felt like we were hanging shit on him, but I just wanted to keep saying Frank. Right. And especially like, you know, he's living in Hollywood too. Yeah. It's just like all these young, beautiful people. Yeah.

And he's a young, beautiful person. Yeah. With an old fucked man name. Yeah, with a grizzled old name. Frank. The name of someone that should be an uncle already. Yeah. Yeah.

He's a nephew. He's not an uncle. No. But Philip Boleski, you've got a bit of that about you. I'd like to think that we've got some... I kind of think our fan base, our listenership, I should say, I kind of think it's like early 30s on average. That's what I think.

Do you disagree with that? On average? What do you think. Do you disagree with that? On average? What do you think? What's in your head? It's hard to say. Do you think younger? I think a little bit younger,

but I mean, it's hard to say on average because I'm probably just basing that on trying to remember the last show that we were at and just like the handful of people

I interacted with. Probably same. But yeah, you're probably right on average. I feel like I spend more time talking to younger people. Yeah. There's just the people that I end up interacting with after the show. Sure.

Like late 20s. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, on average, you probably, yeah, that probably is fair. I reckon. 30s, yeah. Yeah. Well, I think this guy, you know, it'd be cool if this guy was bumping up the average, like, you know.

Massively. This guy's like a 57-year-old. So everyone else that listens, literally every single other person that listens is 21, and then this guy's 80. Well, I'm more like saying, well, this guy's like 57, and then that opens the door for us on average

to get a new seven-year-old subscriber or something like that. Yes, right, right. So we're monitoring this. Yeah. We're controlling the average. One in one out. One in one out. So we've got this 57-year-old listener now. Now we can now recruit like a six-year-old to listen to the show.

That's great. And so we're always like, if you're really old, please let us know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because then that means we can get a little kid in. Yeah, that means we are legally allowed to go into a primary school, school yard and start promoting ourselves. Yeah. Because, and also we can go to the teachers and we go, we're here to to go into a primary school school yard and start promoting ourselves. And also we can go to the teachers and we go, we're here to try and find a child that can listen to our podcast.

It's because of this average age. So really this is a maths lesson that we're teaching the kids. There's nothing sus going on. We're educators. If we, guys, listen up class. If we have a 57-year-old Patreon subscriber and our average listenership is a 30-year-old man, what is the age of the next listener that would have to walk in the door for our average to be complete within two people?

And then follow-up questions. At what age should we kill ourselves? How old are you now? Two years before that. Well, thanks, Philip. Thanks, Phil. See, Phil sounds cooler already. Phil sounds cool.

Phil B. I'm going to rebrand him. Phil B. The cool 57-year-old. Phil Lesky. Yeah. See, that's better. That's better.

Yeah. Phil Lesky. See, I'd be like, this guy's 25. See, a way to sound cool is just chop off a little bit of the surname. Absolutely. And a bit of the first name.

Yeah, abbreviation makes you much younger. That's an interesting point. If I call myself K-Chan, you're like, man, this guy's fucking nine. That's interesting because you rarely, it's an established thing, someone gets called Thomas at birth. Well, you abbreviate that, you shorten it, you kind of get some options of what you want to be known as. You never really hear about people doing that with their surname.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My last name's Tom. Oh, that's a weird surname. I mean, well, it's Thompson, but I shorten it to Tom. That's, oh, man, the fucking hyphenated names. Even as a kid I'd be like Too much

No offence Mum or dad But you're gone Yeah Your heritage is gone Totally I'd hate it I need one of them

Yeah Either that or I'm just making up a new one To replace I don't want to offend either of you So now my last name is Werewolf Right I'm just going to choose a new thing

It's like Couldn't you guys just merge These together Yeah If you were that That'd be a cool excuse Just to get yourself a brand new name Like we're You know My parents are divorced I'm just going to choose a new thing. It's like, couldn't you guys just merge these together? Yeah. If you were that set on it. That'd be a cool excuse just to get yourself a brand new name. You know, my parents are divorced.

They want me to call my name, my surname, Boleski-Mens. That's just too long. I don't want to choose between the two. So now I'm just going to change everything. Even my first name, my name is now Johnny Werewolf. I'm just putting that down to the fact my parents broke up. Just a good excuse. Well, you know what would be the ultimate slight against both of your parents?

So it's like your, you know, your Boleski, what was it? Boleski men's. Boleski hyphen men's. So what you do is you just go by the surname hyphen. Oh, the hyphen. The ultimate diss against both of your parents. Johnny hyphen. You keep the hyphen and you get rid of everything else.

I don't like mum more. I don't like dad more. I like the hyphen. Yeah, yeah. I like the punctuation. I liked the bits that brought them together. Right. But now they're gone.

Right. So now I just want to remember the thing that held them together. Yeah. And because I'm also the manifestation of that. Yeah. Of when they were together. You're right. So why not go by the hyphen? Oh, you are the hyphen. In many ways, I'm the the manifestation of that. Yeah. Of when they were together. You're right. So why not go by the hyphen?

Oh, you are the hyphen. In many ways, I'm the hyphen. Yes. I like that. I actually like that. Imagine skipping this bit of the show. I know. God, we get into some genius tech.

This is when we're just, you know, we're not having to worry about guests and everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're really free to just have an open mind and just let the genius ideas come to us. This is where the best shit happens. This is like a proper TED Talk sort of thing. This is like if you're down in creativity, like if you're the boss of some business and you want to bring them out to see a talk or something

to get them thinking in a different way, no, no, no, just plug them into this. Exactly. And I mean, look, we get a lot of flack for not knowing how to change car batteries, not knowing in any way how to pronounce some people's names, not knowing what countries people are from. Yeah.

You know, there's plenty of things. People love to focus on the negatives with us and the things that we don't know in this segment of the show. Yeah. We never get enough credit for the actual strokes of genius we have. Yes. Like a baby is the human form of a hyphen. Yes.

Give us credit for the mental strokes we're having. Thanks, Phil. Thanks, Phil. Oh, God. Are we keeping this tighter at all? Not in the slightest. Right. Okay.

Right. We're going to bring this home. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Let's just do maybe two more. Okay. Right. We're going to bring this home. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Let's just do maybe two more. Okay. Right. Just in the sake of just keeping it, like we said at the start of the show, keeping a little bit tight this week.

No personal interest in this whatsoever. Let's just... I don't even know why you say that. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Craig C. Rennie. Craig C. Rennie. I'm not sure we've ever had a middle initial on the show before. Yeah. Is this a cartoon moose or something? Yeah.

Well, he's differentiated himself from all of the very famous Craig Rennies out there. Yeah. Yeah. Like, you know, Michael J. Fox's real name is Michael Douglas. Ah, of course, yeah. So then he called himself, I don't know why he just didn't call himself Michael Fox, but he's got a bit Alfred E. Newman on it. So hang on.

Craig C. Rennie. Fuck, he's a cat. Uh-oh. It's door o'clock. Fuck, you fucking idiot cat. Look, can't you go outside and you can scratch against the outside door from now on? It's also like the second you stand up,

she's like, yeah, the jig is up. Better get away from the door. Yeah, yeah, she knows. Get out. She knows what's now on. It's also like the second you stand up, she's like, yeah, the jig is up. Better get away from the door. Yeah, yeah, she knows. Get out. She knows what's going on. So Craig C. Rennie. What do you think the C stands for? God, I hope it's Craig.

That's why he's going by the middle initial because this is so embarrassing. My parents called me Craig, Craig Rennie. Yeah, yeah, he's just like New York. The man's so nice, they named him twice. Craig, Craig. Well, no, that's definitely what it is. Just in case he forgot his own name. You know what I do quite like that I don't think we've definitely never had?

The people going by the first name initial and then full middle name. Oh. Do you know what I'm talking about? Oh, yeah, yeah. So my full name, my full birth name is Thomas Howard Alsop. Yes. So if I was to start calling myself T. Howard Alsop. Yeah.

I don't mind it. Yeah, I don't mind it at all. And now that is a big diss on your parents. Yeah. Get fucked. Yeah. I don't like this first name that you've given me. I like the first letter of it.

Don't get me wrong. Great first letter. Hate the rest of it. Is that literally why people do that? I mean, not many people do do that. But is that why people do it? But they don't. Oh, sure.

They just don't like the first name. They like how it sounds. They just whack it on the... I mean, because some people do go by their middle names. I've said this before. My mum does that. My mum goes by her middle name. I've said this before, but my mum does that. My mum goes by her middle name, but she then doesn't... But it's a weird stroke to go, I'm going to do that,

but, you know, I don't want to completely abandon the first name. I'd like to keep a little... Just a vague sense of it in the ether. There's a bit of that in my family where people have... I think there's... I think... I'm pretty sure my two uncles on my dad's side both went by their middle names.

Okay. And I found out why years and years later, but that's definitely the name they went by, their middle names. Right. Except for my dad who doesn't, who goes by his first name, which is very self-evident when you find out what his middle name is, which is Keith. So, yeah, the tradition stops here, boys. Sorry, I'm not going to go with that one.

No, can't do it. But then, Mike, because then their dad, my grandfather, I found out he didn't go by his first name either. Right. But then I was like, oh, because his first name was Ivan. Okay. I was like, well, he didn't go by that. I was like, oh, okay, so his name is like, you know, he's going by his middle name. No, no, no, because his first name was Ivan. Okay. I was like, well, he didn't go by that. He was like, oh, okay.

So his name is like, you know, he's going by his middle name. No, no, no. Because his middle name was Redrup. Oh, yeah. You've talked about this before. Yeah. Redrup. Yeah.

But so his name is, his name was Ivan Redrup Chandler. But he didn't go by either of those names. Right. He went by the name Dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that just came out of nowhere. Yeah. It's like, is that just someone that didn't like you at work?

Yeah. Or at school? And it just stuck. And it was like, I'm warming to it. Yeah. It's better than Redrip. And you didn't even get Richard out of it. Yeah.

You just immediately went to Dick. Yeah. Pretty funny. I mean, that would be funny if he called himself Richard. And it's like, oh, is that? No, that's not actually my name. People at work were calling me Dick. Yeah. And I was like, I'm going to, no, that's not actually my name. People at work were calling me Dick. Yeah.

And I was like, I'm going to take control of this. Yeah. And lean into it and then start calling myself Richard. Yeah. Yeah. That's how much you didn't like Ivan and Redrip. No. I'm happy to go with Dick.

I'm going to lengthen this bullying nickname. Let's do one more. One more. And, yeah, this is, if we can do this one quickly, this has been slightly shortened. Very slightly. Overall, very slightly. Yeah, okay.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber... Okay. Thank you to... This is... There's a lot going on here. This is sort of the coolest, but then there's some issues in here. Name of the week.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber JohnnyWerewolf-Comedy. So the surname is Werewolf-Comedy. Yeah. Werewolf-Comedy. That's it. Werewolf-Comedy. So his parents, one of them's called Werewolf And one of them's called comedy They separated

Yeah right Right And he's kept He's kept both of them Well They're both good surnames Oh yeah I will

That's hard to choose I would go with either of them Yeah Werewolf or comedy Yeah This This is It's also

One of my favourite genres of the arts, is werewolf comedy. Werewolf comedy. Full moon, time to hit an open mic. Yeah, which is ironic because I think a lot of the worst comedy I've seen has been at midnight. It's not really a full moon thing, is it? No, not really.

The moon only fully reveals itself at midnight. A stroke of 12. so it's not really a full moon thing is it no not really yeah the moon only fully reveals itself at a stroke of 12 what am I thinking what's midnight then Cinderella the witching hour

I don't know yeah Cinderella maybe that's it Cinderella comedy I would like that yeah hey keep that up your sleeve yeah

I don't know why well thanks Johnny thanks Johnny alright that'll do that'll do yep $69,000 we won sorry nothing oh yeah I edited Well, thanks, Johnny. Thanks, Johnny. All right, that'll do. That'll do. Yep. $69,000.

We won. Sorry? Nothing. Oh, yeah, I edited that out. Yeah, edit that out. All right. And we're back. So, thanks, guys.

Thanks for listening this week. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for tickets to all the live stuff we have coming up. Oh, we were talking about my exhibition in this ep. You can go to Vanillamart.shop to buy prints and T-shirts and stuff that I have left over from the exhibition. We'll see you next week. Maybe not next week because now I've won all that money, I'm going to go to the French Riviera and buy like 17 paddle steamers and just fucking race them and crash them into each other.

Cool, all right. Well, goodbye forever. Sorry, edit that bit out as well. Okay, yeah, and we're back uh yeah we'll definitely see you next week maybe um you know if not who knows i might be ill or something i don't know who knows if you hear an episode next week and carl sounds like he's in it it's actually me doing an impression right it's me playing both of us for the entire if you hear a lot of splashing in the background, don't worry about it. Yeah.

And wood on wood crashing into each other. 53 minutes. See you, mates. See you, mates.