The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 484 - Fiona O'Loughlin & Tor Snyder

Episode Date: January 14, 2020

It's the return of the queen, FIONA O'LOUGHLIN and the debut of TOR SNYDER! We hear all about Fiona's recent life philosophies and her stressful trip to Singapore before uncovering a long-standing hobby that gives us something to work on for the future. PLUS Tor lifts the lid on the life of a travel agent and tells us all about some wild hikes that she's taken!ADELAIDE! We're back. Sort of. Doing our solo shows back-to-back. March 14, 2pm.BRISBANE! A huge live podcast and our solo shows. March 15, 1.30pm.MELBOURNE! Our 500th episode is on sale. It's going to be massive. April 25, 2020. 8:30pm.We've also got two smaller shows on in the lead up. April 4 & 11. 4pm. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guest Fiona O'Loughlin and for the first time, Tor Snyder. This is a great episode. We've got a bunch of live stuff coming up around the country. We've got Brisbane, Adelaide and Melbourne. All our little news at the end of the show in Talking Dumb Dumb, our regular segment where we discuss ourselves. Yep.

But stick around and enjoy that. Enjoy this episode. Until then, we'll see you at the back end. Enjoy this episode. Until then, we'll see you at the back end. Enjoy this episode with Fiona O'Loughlin and Tor Snyder. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. With me, as always, is the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead.

Great episode today. We got a first. Oh, this is a great one, is it? Yeah, I like to call it early. Have you heard this one? Yeah, I'm pointing to the back of the stands. I'm pointing to the bleachers. I'm going to swing for the fences on this one.

All right, good. We got two great guests. One of them joining us for the first time. We got Fiona O'Loughlin and Tor Snyder on the show. Yes. Man, I love diversity. Yeah, is this the first time? Sometimes we have gay people on, sometimes we have women.

This show's amazing. You are so brave, two women. One of them with an accent, so many fucking points. I feel like this is going to get dangerous. Oh, man. Welcome, welcome in for the first time, Tor, and welcome back, Fiona. Thank you. Last time you were on, man. Welcome in for the first time tour and welcome back, Fiona. Thank you. Last time you were on, Fiona, you were all over the Daily Mail,

you were all over news.com.au, you were all over the Murdoch Press. No, I was all over that because of this podcast. Exactly. Sorry, that's what I'm trying to say. You were unguarded. You know what? That was great. But then everyone that's come on since

Is like a bit more Guarded Because they're like I know this show This ends up on the news If you say anything fucked And it's like Ah fuck

Come on Tell us something stupid Yeah meanwhile We're loving it We're like Drop some R-bombs Say some slurs We want to be in the papers again

I think you said that Five minutes ago You did say Don't drop any R-bombs I don't know any art bombs. I don't know why I come. You just hurt me. And then after all of that, I suffer, you know, for my art.

I give YouTube far too much information. You do. And then what are those private messages on Instagram? I guess private messages on Instagram. Private messages. A DM. But I got one last night. It's because it all came, you know, up again because of the last podcast. Yeah.

And I never get trolled, ever. Like, it's very rare. But would you say this is trolling? How dare you be mean to the you-know-whos? I'm not even going to say their name. The family, yeah. A certain family. The family from the last episode. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not even going to say their name. The family, yeah. A certain family. The family from the last episode.

Yeah, yeah. Who wear khaki a lot. Yeah, one of which is with the giant stingray in the sky right now. Yeah. Oh! This woman said, I hope you burn in hell. Oh! A bit much?

Yeah. Listen to the episode fucking sooner. Like, what's with the old news? Yeah, exactly. We just did it last night. But then I give you so much. And did I feature anywhere in your top five? Oh, fair.

Now, you mean on social media. I don't know, man. I've never heard of these guys before. Now, the top five. Tor, don't give them too much. We put up top five on social media. None of that was our choice. I know, which makes it even more hurtful.

That was a listener decided and it was downloads. None of that was our choice. I know. Which makes it even more hurtful. That was a listener decided and it was downloads. So that wasn't our choice. Of course, we would have had that as number one, your episode as number one every time. Oh, it's the most downloaded. Yes. Yes. So if you had promoted it, you could have been number one.

But, you know, maybe 2020 is going to be your year. 2020 could be your year. So what else do you have to say? I might win a Logie, not even being there. Yeah. Or you could be on the Logies in Memorial. Yeah, that's about right. I've just given up.

Who are you angry at right now? Who am I angry at? Yeah. Dumb Dumb Club. No, don't be angry at us. We love you. I'm not really angry with anything at the moment. That's why I'm really struggling with my new comedy festival show.

Because you're happy for the first time? Yeah. I found spirituality. Oh, no. Really? Here we go. That's fun. Love this.

Off the spirit, sitting to spirituality. I like it. Absolute spirituality. I'm into the Tao. That's your fragrance. It's not a religion. What's the Tao? Explain that. There's a guy. It's not a religion. What's the Tao? Explain that.

There's a guy who was 400 years before Christ. His name was – he's a Chinese guy, so his name was Pete Smith. Don't take a stab. I can't remember his name. I should know his name. Is it Taoism? You're into Taoism. This guy you don't know the name of.

It's not really about him. It's about – he just wrote 81 kind of lessons for humans. And you live by them. Is this like, okay, is this Taoism that you're talking about? Yes, I'm a Taoist. I've read a book and it's called The Tao of Poo. And it's like Taoism. It's explained through Winnie the Pooh.

Oh. Yeah. Not like your shit. I thought that was some Christian person saying person saying the that's their way of saying the dow is shit no no no what are you taking out of it fiona what what's what's what's hooked you there uh well i'm a recovering catholic you know so i'm i'm deprogramming i've lived my whole life with uh in this religion that you go through the motions like I love Catholics

I am one but I am not buying what they're selling and I never have right amen but even though you've been within the whole structure

and the family and everything for so long yeah and it never made sense to me even as a little kid it didn't make sense to me the Abraham story like

I don't know see I've okay so you're a little kid I'm quasi fascinated by religion from as an onlooker because I've never I don't know. See, I'm quasi-fascinated by religion as an onlooker because I don't know anything about it. I've never gone near it. Right. Did you have any religious stuff at your school?

No. Yeah, right. Well, I think Catholics generally have this reputation of being assholes, pedophiles, cunts. I don't know. I don't go to church. Pedophiles? Cunts?

I don't know. I don't go to church. Generally, we've got a good rep, like the congregations of being, you know, really social drinkers. And of course we are. And you can do whatever you want and get away with it, right? But the whole thing is it's so scary, actual Catholicism. You know, when you're little, the further away I get from it now,

looking back, you're a little kid and you're hearing that you're going to go, you will burn in hell forever. I mean, welcome to Australia, right? I tell you what hardcore Catholics would be saying now, that this is God. This is God's doing. He's punishing us. I've seen people do that with the disasters happening in Australia at the moment. I have seen a few hardcore Catholic people spinning a bit of that bullshit about,

oh, this is what happens when something I didn't like happens. So, yeah, it's not great stuff. What the DAO really advises is that you don't go near anything that separates or divides. And being part of any organised religion automatically wants to divide. Right, yeah. So you basically just remind yourself every day how lucky you are, how happy you are.

You speak to the Tao, which is the word for God, but it's not someone in the sky we are all the Tao life is the Tao so it's like Bikram yes there's parallels to Buddhism yeah yeah it's supposed to be like Buddhism but uh like you don't worship anybody so it's just changed my life but then again I have uh changed my antidepressants as well. Nice. Well, you sounded like I was talking to you before Christmas. I was talking to you before Christmas and you were very much like, you know,

you weren't particularly happy at Christmas for a few years and stuff like that. So you were like, I'm going to have it make my own Christmas. And so you went to – you spent Christmas in Asia or? This Christmas was the best Christmas I've ever had. Yeah. I just had my kids on Christmas Eve I was supposed to go to Singapore Christmas Day right and write about this rehab um because I went to this a very similar type of rehab and I was supposed to just stay in a hotel nearby so you had some sort of sponsorship deal deal. And then I couldn't go because my passport,

I've had my passport kicking around in my handbag. I don't have it in a safe place. You know that cover they give you? Yeah. That's gone. I'm the same as you. I think I know what you're going to say, yeah. So my passport was rendered.

Damaged. Too damaged for me to go. Yeah. So you had to get a new one. I had to get a new one. But you found that out at the airport? I found it out A cousin of mine works with immigration

She had a look at my passport and said This is not good And also The last time I went overseas Bali Yuck When I was going to Bali They said

The girl I went to check in She said I don't think you'll be going anywhere Your passport's too sick So you got the warning in Bali And then you didn't do anything about it? No. That's the way I operate. Right.

I would do the exact same thing. No, you know what? I had the same thing. So last time I went to Thailand, every checkpoint I went through, they were like, I don't think this passport's going to happen. I don't think it's going to happen. And then it did happen. I was like, fuck, all right.

I can't. I refused to get into a situation where I'm deprived from going to Thailand again. So that inspired me to go and then it did happen and I was like, fuck, alright, I can't, I refuse to get into a situation where I am deprived from going to Thailand again so that inspired me to go and get my shit together but yes, because I'm one of those,

I don't have the cover, I have it sitting in my pocket as I'm fucking swimming in a pool in Thailand, you know, I don't give a fuck but yeah, but thankfully I've never

been stuck in that situation. And then I had to get to Singapore anyway because I had two gigs lined up after I did this rehab thing I was going to do these two gigs. So you started telling us this before the podcast and we could not make heads nor tails of this story.

So your passport, you weren't able to travel, but you still ended up going there to do the gigs? Yes, because... So you missed out on rehab. Rehab was some sort of time-dependent thing. Yes. But you could still go to the gigs. Yes, I could still make it to the gigs because then I had a week in Adelaide

to get my passport organised. Okay. And, of course, it came down to the wire. Right. Literally to the wire because I had to have this passport in by midday and then it would be ready for me in two days time and only cost i don't know four million dollars you know to rush it through and of course me and forms are terrible and i got there with the uh with the form already going she said oh no you're missing a piece of the

form uh you've got to go and that's that they're serious it was in the post office uh in adelaide but it was like their passport part of the post office. You sound like Amy Winehouse, you know? It's like they tried to make you go to rehab. You're like, get fucked. Mate. But how's this? I went down.

There was an Officeworks downstairs from the post office, and I had to go down there, reprint the form, find the form, reprint it, get it filled in, in take it back up and by now i've got 12 minutes or what yeah again i was about to say if that's me i'm leaving that form until 11 45 on the day when it's due in 12 minutes and i was there with my manager and we were trying to get this we were trying to get this form printed and and done and then it's six minutes and it wasn't working. And I'm like, you know when you just have to think outside the square? And so I went down to the post office and I – back to the passport place

and I said, I'm downstairs in – Even though I know you got to Singapore, I'm still stressed about this story. I'm loving this. This is tense stuff. I went down to Officeworks and I said, can anybody help me? And they all looked around. There's people lined up. And I said, I've got six minutes to get this form in.

And they just looked at me and someone said, no, we can't help you. I said, what if one of you came with me down to Officeworks? And they all just like, what? What a mad woman. No one's going with you to Officeworks. And they all just like, what? What a mad woman. No one's going with you to Officeworks. And I said, this is a moment where you could just do something out of the box. I know it's very left field. I said, now it's three minutes.

Could somebody please help me? This is a classic Christmas caper. This is like the end of Jingle All The Way. And then a woman said, I will help you. Oh, an angel. An angel. And she was behind the desk. It's a Catholic miracle.

She said, I love your work. Let's do this. Wow. And so we went down and then literally when we got back up, she helped me print it out. Yeah. Then we got back up and you have to have the money in, like it could cost $400 or something.

So you have to have that money in by 12 o'clock or you lose another day and I didn't have a day to spare. Yeah. And it was literally 12 seconds to 12 o'clock. No, it's 12 seconds to 12 o'clock. Red wire, green wire. It was like that. It was exactly that

And the woman helping me Had meanwhile left Officeworks Because she had people still to serve I thought you were going to say You turned around You were like Where's Mary that helped me before? No one called Mary

That's brilliant So Mary was back down there But there was a woman in front of her Being served And it's 12 seconds And then I said Mary, And it's 12 seconds. Oh, no. And then I said, Mary, Mary, it's me.

We've got 11. It's 10 seconds, Mary. And by the time she told this woman, I have to serve the woman behind you. Thank you. And she said, okay, so long as you pay the money, we'll do that first. Get your card out. It's four seconds, three seconds. And I'm putting the card in front of the, you know, on the swipe.

Like tapping or whatever. Yeah. Yeah, we got there. It was four seconds to spare. I've never been so stressed in my life. Could have gone for a little walk around the block with all that time. What was the rush? Get out of smoke. Then you think about the day, the morning preceding that,

so everything mattered. That traffic light mattered. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Will I stop for coffee? No. See, but that's one of those moments where you almost needed it to not go through so you learn the lesson. I never learn the lesson.

Because I leave things to the last minute. You're a big one for it. I know what you're like to all. But you get rewarded by that behavior and you're like, no lessons learned here. I'll just leave it to the last minute next time. By the way, the worst thing is like imagine that goes the other way because it's like, oh, I really want to – I need to get to Singapore.

I've got these gigs and rehab and this resort or whatever. It is awesome. And then it doesn't go through and you go, oh, I'm in Adelaide. I'll never not plan again. I'm sorry. I have to change my ways. I've lost like three passports. Have you?

Yeah. And the last time they were like, look, if you lose another one, we might not give you another one. Because you don't own the passports do you i guess not but i mean i paid for it she doesn't own three of them yeah not anymore yeah they don't mean that they'd give you another one i was like what you want me to stay here yeah keep losing things that's it i've traveled and had moments where i've been overseas and thought that i've lost my passport and you freak out momentarily and you're like i'm sure the fix is relatively easy well just go to the consulate and get a new one i thought i lost one one time when i was in kosemui by myself yeah and i really thought i'd lost it i think i've

told this on the podcast maybe but i put in for like who you need to you know put in for it's like bangkok i was in samoa i had to go to bangkok no i had to talk to bangkok and they were like oh you have to get here first and i was like if i don't have a passport how do i get to bangkok they're like i don't know just on a boat i guess or something i'm like ah fuck so it's still thailand and you can take a train jeez traveling it's easy take a train off an island yeah but you can get to the mainland yeah yeah but you, yeah. But you'd be able to fly to Bangkok. I like that. That's funny that you say that to them and they're like, I don't know.

They just don't want to help you out at all. But what you said is so true, Tommy, that you don't learn the lesson. You never learn the lesson. Because I always have these happy endings. You know, after a great amount of stress, but then you stop being stressed. Yeah. Because you know it will work out. And I lost my passport in Heathrow.

At the airport you lost it. At the airport. But I was coming from Edinburgh and my son said, I will never travel with you again. It's just too painful. I'll walk away from things. And anyway, so I was doing it by myself and I was checking my passport and my boarding pass.

Oh, it's in my left pocket. Oh, it's there, it's there, it's there. Anyway, all of a sudden I go to board, no, go to check in to the Australian flight from London and there's no passport or boarding pass. But because this has happened to me so many times, this kind of thing, I've just gone, well, someone will work it out. They'll just let you on a plane if you're going home too. It'll get worked out. Yeah. many times yes this kind of thing yeah i've just gone well someone will work it out exactly they'll just let you on a plane if you're going home too yeah i got mine stolen in barcelona as one

australian a day gets their passport stolen in barcelona and this is a psa uh but yeah i got stolen i was on my way to the airport and uh it was taken out of my pocket just it just happens and then i you're on your way to the airport on the way to the airport on the train and then um i was fucking freaking out right because i went to the airport and the because the police told me to and then they're like well if you i wasn't going home i was going to thailand too so i was going from barcelona to thailand for like two weeks and then home um and they're like well you have to get a new one so i had to go to madrid um and get a new passport but as i'm crying and fucking freaking out um i'm going back on the train to go back to the hostel that i was staying at and uh i could feel this woman's hand in my pocket again and i just grabbed her and i

just started yelling i was like give me my passport back i just became a crazy person it was uh it was intense what was she but there's nothing left in the pocket at that stage what was she going for i was she just saw me obviously distressed and was like oh easy target oh right this is an interesting humanity it shows itself in these like the woman in um the adelaide passport office who said hey yeah i will yeah do help out this mad woman really weak yeah exactly but sometimes you come across people who almost are pleased at your you know situation oh yeah because when that happened to me in the heathrow airport i just i said look i went to the it was i was flying malaysian and i went to that desk and i said i'm going i'm on the malaysian whatever at

whatever time and i said i don't have my passport or my – I've lost my passport and my boarding pass. And she said, well, I guess you're not on that flight. And I thought, what's wrong with you? And then that flight happened to be MH370. Have a bit of sympathy. You know, I lost my passport. You lost a plane.

Come on. Just use the right voice and wear the right face. Right. So I said, has anything been handed in? And she smiled as she shook her head. And she said, no. I said, that's the wrong face and that's the wrong tone. I've had that before.

I bought a ticket and I put my name on the ticket as Tom when I bought it, but my name on my passport is Thomas. And so it wouldn't let me board. And so I'm like, hey, I've done this. It's like auto-filled on my computer. I'm really sorry. It's, you know, Tom's short for Thomas. And this woman was just like, well, you shouldn't have put it in if it's not the name that's

on the passport. I'm like, yeah, yeah, I'm well aware, but you know, what do you do? And she ended up changing the name for me. Like, let me do it. For free? But really dragged me through the mud for a good five minutes and was like, don know if we're going to be able to do this don't know if we're going to be able to help you and these people you wonder at least she has no real power in her life she just works in an airport but you go you look at them and you go who would you have been in nazi

germany they've got that much power it seems to thrill them God try that on any time you're in an altercation With a service attendant in any way Who would you have been in Nazi Germany? See how often you get your way if you wheel out that one So Fiona did you add now This is something I've only recently learned about you Is that some people have hobbies And I never knew this was a hobby of yours

But this is something that's gone unsaid by you forever, which I'm delighting at. I found out through you that you collect photos of just fucking weirdos. You've just always got your phone out taking pictures of weirdos in very weird situations all the time. Yeah, I know, mostly fatties too. She's got so many photos of me. It's starting to get a little creepy, Fiona. Yeah, I know. Mostly fatties too. She's got so many photos of me.

It's starting to get a little creepy, Fiona. It's just weird people like half asleep with their mouth open on a tram or something. Yeah, and I send them to do it. Yeah, I'm an amusement. Yeah, there's some doozies in there. My kids are horrified. What do you do with them? What are you doing? They don't know.

The reason I do it is because some people are really interested in dolphins. Yeah, and you have a fetish. We get it. I have a complete obsession with human beings. Unguarded, fucked up people. Yeah. But do you know when you're doing this, no offence, do you have the clicker sound on on the camera when you're flying?

I can see why your kids would be mortified. You think you're being covert. It's just... But she doesn't know how to use the Zoom, so she's like right up. And also, given your age, sorry, but are you using the iPad? Are you just... The more brazen you do it, the less likely you are to be caught. Really?

Yeah, I haven't been caught, actually, yet. How many would you estimate that you've done? Oh, I do... Every time that you've done oh I do every time I leave the house yeah like I do I've got hundreds of them

I feel like I feel like this I've only just stumbled across this habit and I feel like it's gone years deep I feel like this is like

it's great there's some sort of Fort Knox system at your house just pictures of homeless people upside down spewing and you're going

great picture yeah before they had like cameras on your phones though were you like taking out disposables and getting it done of homeless people upside down spewing and you're going, great picture. Before they had cameras on your phones though, were you taking out disposables and getting it done? No, I was just making memories. I was making memories or also... No, she was getting out the sketch pad and drawing pictures of unconscious Asian women on a bus. It took far too long at the airport to work out

if that's the mother-in-law or the mother. So the way you can find out that is wait until you can check out both their ears because ears are the window to the soul. No, ears are kind of like family stamps. Right. Ears are the fingerprints of the head. Are you saying that Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are related? Because that's fucked.

So the photos aren't necessarily, no, they're not losers. I love photos of, like, I think I sent you one, of a couple who just looked so bored and sad. They're about my age. It's Tommy and his new girlfriend. They're a couple about my age. It's Tommy and his new girlfriend. They were a couple about my age. They were on a bus, you know, transporting from the airport to the – anyway, a lot of airport stories.

But I just thought, oh, that just sums up. I hate you. I would not piss on you if you're on fire. I'm kind of married. And then I named them in my head. I've got to get this shot. Yeah. This sounds like – did you used to do the do's and don'ts in Vice

magazine? This really does seem like that same energy. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is either. Do's and don'ts column in Vice where they just had like fucked up photos of just random people out in the street. It's this exact same energy. I think I sent you one too. I love

women who are balding. That gives me great joy. Again, stop taking photos of me, Fiona. Because I feel like all the ones I've got are just people either asleep or nearly asleep in public situations with their mouth open mainly. What if someone in a shit job having lunch, I think. Yes. That lady security guard, she's in there.

Someone at McDonald's eating at KFC in their uniform. Oh, that would be great. I would, I mean, I would love to see this go public. If we just found like a website that you've done under a pseudonym all these years. I liked what you referred to it as before as making memories. Fiona O'Loughlin presents makingmemories.com. And then there's no text. There's just a gallery, just all these images from over the years.

Can we aim this? What about this? Now, Tommy Daslow's just had his art exhibition a couple of months ago. Can we aim, maybe in 12 months' time, you can build up a good collection. Can we have the Fiona O'Loughlin found objects, the public at their very worst art exhibition? Yes. Yes.

Or just make this your festival show. Just have a slideshow. Explain what happened, where you were, the story behind it. Now, the photos I've seen that you've sent me already are just awesome speaking by themselves. If you put an art exhibition of all the fucked up creatures that you've met on your way, that you've seen on your way, and then you wrote a backstory for them.

Big time. What a fucking exhibition that would be. Great. See, this is great. So I don't feel like I've wasted my time. No, you're working. I got a beautiful shot yesterday of a really swollen ankle. What's the backstory?

What happened? It was a swollen ankle. I was sitting in a cafe shop and I was like, oh, God. One of those gouty kind of. It was an older man and he had a bad sandal and I'm like, I've got to get a shot of that. I cannot wait for the opening night party of Fiona O'Loughlin's The World is Fucked.

Making memories. I'm excited already. Come down and if you're in one of the photos, you get a prize. Yes. That's my cankle. That's my depressed wife. That's my dead son. That's my depressed wife with her depressed lover.

That spittle is on my chin. The image of you... That's my spittle on on my chin The image of you That's my spittle on someone else's chin The image of you in your house With just printouts of all the ones you've taken over the years Trying to select Trying to pick Trying to choose your favourite children to put in the exhibition

It would be really hard to pick 20 Yeah My top 20 Oh my god But if you'd be happy to curate this 100% we can put We can do all the organisation Curated by the little ducky Yeah yeah yeah For sure I mean you know If you'd be happy to curate this. I would 100% put all the organisation.

Curated by the little ducky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. I mean, we're your business partners. I mean, Pablo Picasso didn't put on his own fucking show. He had someone to help him out. He can't be fussed with all the logistics and ordering the punch for the opening night party. We'll do that.

The theme running through it is melancholy. So I'm going to do my melancholic exhibition. We need to settle on the name. Is it melancholy? I love making memories as the title of the exhibition. But you've got to get more of a hint into how fucked this is. What sort of comment we're making on the world through your photos. Is there any way Dumb Dumb listeners can have a little private viewing of some of them?

Oh, yeah. Maybe in the Patreon group we can do a preview. We'll put it on socials. We'll put like a little bit of a taste of it. Get people's appetites and maybe they can suggest a title. Because, you know, some people take photos of, you know, landscapes or whatever. Some people do a lot of joy. I just have the melancholic market.

Life is misery. It is. Very. And there's always someone worse off than yourself. There we go. It's aspirational. There's always someone worse off than yourself. How great would it be to be able to go to an exhibition where there's 300 people worse off than you?

And how good is this? And then people come along to the opening night exhibition and they're having a great time. And then they notice Fiona just off in the corner. All the dum-dum bands are there and Fiona's like, this is a fucking goldmine. I've run out of storage in the cloud. That's great. Always working.

Nothing but fucking swollen ankles in this show. So now what do we do? Do we present the photos as is from the phone or do we make them black and white? You're the curator. We have to make it a bit more arty, I think. Yeah, that's what I think. Bone up, black and white. Yes, I like the idea that you give a little bit of a back story.

I think you would add some beautiful writing to to the inspiration behind for example a swollen ankle especially if you name it yeah you know stuff like that so i think i think that would be great i think that would give it a real i want to see the the the why you took the photo i want to see what what this says to you what it says about humanity. Okay. Yeah. See, it was kind of an extension of when I was a young mother, I used to do, not in the form of photos, but, you know, I'd just be in the car at a traffic light and I'd see. You'd pull out the pad and pencil and just start drawing some weird-looking Dutch guy next to you.

Yeah, the little bird came out with the slate and started chiselling away with its beak. I'd just talk out loud to myself, but the kids that obviously hear this and they always hear it, I go, oh, that's Kevin and Jan. They've just come from her mother's house. He's going in for arthroscopy tomorrow. I just always have the right story. And when you got the word that finally phone cameras were good enough

to take high def, you must have been rapt. You're like, this is a game changer for me. It's a game changer for this lonely lady. You need the iPhone 11 with the three cameras in it. That's really going to take these making memories to the next level. This is exciting.

Great. That's on the drawing board. Let's get on top of that. We'll do that in the next 12 months. Speaking of little dum-dum, the other day I was doing a show. We were speaking of our show and being on it. We kind of always are. Everything's loosely about us on this show. No, speaking of the people, Google

people listening. I love this when this happens and it happened where was I? In Gosford. And signing books and this guy said, who do I make this out to? He said, I think his name's George. And he said, but can you sign it June? June Northern.

June Northern. This is Fiona's pseudonym when she tried to kill herself one time. She signed into a hotel as June Northern. Oh, wow. That's deep, man. I just realised that you were even giving yourself one of these weird names. Yes, that's right. Yeah, backstory.

Yeah, giving yourself a backstory when you knew your own backstory. I was Marjorie Tethers too once. Oh, right. That's a good one. I got a few pseudonyms. I go by Peggy Sue when I do karaoke. Peggy Sue. Yeah.

Doing karaoke and giving yourself a fake name is slightly different to killing yourself. No, no, no, no. I think you've got that all wrong, Carl. No, they do this thing if you're a known personality and you are. Yes, I'm a known personality. And if you try to kill yourself, the hospital give you a pseudonym. They give it to you. Oh, yes, right.

So I was in the Adelaide Clinic and I woke up and my sister said, she was calling me Marjorie. I'm like, why are you calling me Marjorie? And apparently they just punch them out. They're computerized, like the way they name fireclimes. Oh, right. Oh, really? Yeah, you just get a name.

Damn. Whoa, there's a machine for that. Yeah. That's great. I want to rock up and be like, hypothetically, if I was in here having tried to kill myself, just turn the machine on now and give me the name. Turn the Wu-Tang Clan name generator on.

That's my new dream job. I name people who have tried to kill themselves but failed. Yeah, yeah. Let's see if we can go down and get ours from a local hospital. What if we found out someone tried to kill themselves, they're in hospital and they got given, like, your name? I'm in the machine.

I shouldn't be in the machine. I'm alive. I kept saying to myself, why are you calling me Marjorie? And she said, because that's what your name is. Just kind of winking. I'm like, what the fuck? I'm not Marjorie. You stand up,

rip off an IV out. This is my name. Do you think for a second you've been reincarnated all of a sudden? Like you did the job properly and now you're back as someone else?

It worked. This machine spout out Marjorie Tethers. It gives you a surname as well. Marjorie Tethers. That's great. So why does it do... Well, Marjorie was at the end of a tether.

Yeah, yeah. Not quite, but nearly. So what's the logic? You're in hospital for what? It's because of the staff. So the staff don't know. Like nurses. Oh, because you're a known...

Right. But I don't know. Because you're a known person. So, okay. So let's say you're a public figure and you think, I'm doing pretty well. But then for whatever reason, you're like, you know what? I can't live on this earth anymore.

And then you try and kill yourself. You wake up in hospital and they're like, oh, yeah, I just got the form here for Tommy Dasolo. It's like, I'm not even famous enough for them to give the alias to. So you try and kill yourself again. Exactly. I'm going to keep going. No, I need to achieve more and then I'm going to kill myself

so that I get this username. Oh, yeah. So that's the inspiration to get out there and succeed. Right. Okay. So it's a motivational move. Exactly. Yes.

That's good. Oh, okay. Well, that's good. That's good. All right. This story has a happy ending. It has an ending eventually, but hopefully not. Yeah.

Tethers is such a strange one to have in the mix given everything. That's an attention-grabbing name. It's like I would have thought you'd been given a name, you know, okay, Joe Smith, whatever it is, instead of like fucking Harry Wang-Banger-Dang-Dang. You go, well, what's going on with that name? Harry Wang-Banger-Dang-Dang. That's my dad's name.

The receptionist at my therapist was telling me a while ago like the music that they play in the waiting room is very heavily certain subject matter. You can't play a song that talks about anything sad or it can't be too down-tempo or anything. Or too hopeful and joyful. Well, I mean, if you're that on the edge, that it's like just being in the wet,

just hearing the smiths in the waiting room and the therapist is going to push you over the edge. I reckon you're too far gone, sorry. Like I don't think you need to be really worrying about it. And because he had just like his Spotify on shuffle and a song started up and I was like, oh, yeah, I love this one. I'm just like sitting there going, oh, this is great. And then he skips it.

I'm like, why'd you skip that? He's like, it's too sad. I just heard that. I heard the word sadness in it. So I had to go, oh, fucking hell. Because if that is true, like, do you ever get suicidal people just ringing up Triple J going, super request, can I program six hours of happy songs because I'm a fucking goner otherwise?

You slip one bit of melancholy in there, it's on your hands. You're relying on the radio when you're in that position. Even if the people reading ads could sort of pep it up a bit as well, You're relying on the radio When you're in that position Even Even Even if If the people Reading ads Could sort of Pep it up a bit as well

Yeah yeah Like even if it's a bit Of a slightly sad ad Like fuck I'm gone Yeah yeah If I could win all the contests That are coming up Yeah yeah

Because I'm feeling Yeah Feeling pretty blue I reckon I'll shoot I'll blow my head off If I get a third prize So yeah Don't skimp on the fucking ribbons

There was an ad On for It was a Pharmacy Or chemist shop ad and the music was, life, oh life, oh life, oh life. And I was trying to think, what about terminally ill people watching the telly? It's giving them hope that their life was better than they did.

I don't think you'd get offended by that if you're terminally ill. I think you've got enough problems. If there was a song about cancer, sure. But if you're saying life, you can't get offended. No, I'm not offended. I just wonder what it would feel like. Yeah. Strange choice of track.

It's a very weird thing that we live... I don't know what it would be like to be on the other choice of track. It's a very weird thing that we live. I don't know what it would be like to be on the other side of that. Of what? Terminal illness? Well, right now I don't live in that world. But any day one of us, you know, someone I love, or it could be me, could be in that terminal world. Well, we're all dying in a way.

Well, not in a way. We are. Yeah, well, we are. Well, man. Yeah. Are you guys as high as me right now? We just went full Joe Rogan. Don't you think it's weird that the living people

never talk to the dying people? Well, I mean, unless you're a nurse or something. I wouldn't have visited you when you were in a coma. Yeah, yeah. You're welcome. You don't remember? I just think we've got a long way to go with that. We're all dying and yet some people are dying right now

and we don't talk. I do know what you mean. My parents, when I was sick, when I was a kid, were familiar with that. Like they had a lot of friends who kind of just went to ground because they were like, we don't want to risk saying the wrong thing. It's too intimidating, so we'll just ghost them.

So we just do nothing. I'll tell you what, Fiona, after this, we'll go to the hospital, we'll find the person that's dying the quickest. And I'll take photos of you. That could be the foyer shot as everyone walks into the exhibition. I love it. This drip has a drip in their arm. Good one, fuckhead.

I went and visited you as you were recovering from a coma once and I thought, I'll do the right thing. I'll come in and spread some cheer. I come in and I said to the person on the desk or whatever that you had to clear it through, I'm a friend of Fiona and they go, I'll go and check. They obviously went and talked to you and come back and they went, that's okay.

If you could just not stay very long oh my fame has preceded me oh that's funny tour now tour we were talking about asia i meant to back this up at some stage now you you you're a big traveler so we don't know you especially well we've we've met you a bunch of times through gigs and whatever but you're you're from canada originally you know i'm from australia i'm from australia originally yeah yeah i was born in wa and then i moved to canada when i was two my dad's canadian my mom's from new zealand and they met in perth right okay right but yeah canadian i sound canadian i just got my canadian passport and citizenship so now've got two passports to worry about. Do you live in America? No.

Canada's not in America. I know. Well, technically it is, but we won't get into it. North America's not like Europe, is it? No. The UK can live in Ireland. Yeah, for now. It's not after Brexit.

Right. But you've done a lot of travelling. Are you a backpacker? Do we call you a backpacker? No, I'm an adventurist. Okay. Do you want to take that backpack off then? I thought you'd never ask.

It's so heavy. Stop asking for Tommy's leftovers. Can I get you a water? Can I sleep on this couch? I've have backpacked through Southeast Asia. Nice. And I've done the hostels. I'm not opposed to a hostel.

But yeah, I love to travel. I was a travel agent for five years. Oh, yeah. So all the travel agents are travelers, aren't they? Generally, you've got to know what you're talking about. That's why you get into it. Is that an actual thing? You have to have done like a significant amount of travel?

I think it makes it easier to do the job. Right. I mean, it's not like you're going to be like, oh, yeah, London's great. Oh, you've been? No. Yeah, oh, yeah, London's great. Oh, you've been? No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, it makes sense, like, you know, why are you working as a travel agent?

It's not for the money. I'm sure it doesn't pay that well. Well, can I name names? Can I say places? Because I don't work there anymore. So I used to work for Flight Centre and fuck that place. Right.

It's a bloody cult. Oh, I'm coming too. Fuck them. What don't you like about it? Daily Mail, Daily Mail. We've got a bloody cult. Oh, I'm coming too. Fuck them. What don't you like about them? Daily Mail, Daily Mail. We've got a live one. Oh, I'm my own worst enemy. Fiona slams the cardboard cutout of the pilot that's out in front of the flight center.

Just decapitates it. I don't think anyone's got good things to say about that so working for them you get paid like minimum wage and then you have to work for commission um i think it's changed because it's been like a lot of backlash in the last couple of years people are going like what the fuck man we're not getting paid they got really fucked up christmas parties or yeah well that was the thing it was like oh you're not gonna get paid much unless you work really hard so i was working like 80 hours a week in my first like two years um and then they're like but we're giving you all this free alcohol and the rest of it yeah and i got i think i got like one maybe two free trips out of it and there

was one to bali um and one to mauritius and chucking on a free trip to bali from perth thank you flight center thank you so much slightly less than a fucking uber home chucking on a free trip to Bali from Perth. La-di-da. Thank you, Flight Center. Thank you so much. Slightly less than a fucking Uber home, your house. No, I think we went Garuda. But anyway, it's like, oh, I went to Singapore for free too. But I had to go with people I didn't want to go with. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know? Oh. Yeah. I never got them to go when I wanted to go. It was when they said I could go. Is this the kind of thing where it's like you hit targets and then you get like a trip as a reward kind of thing? Yeah.

Yeah, right, right. But you have to go at the same time as the other people who hit their targets. Yeah, yeah. You get forced on a Contiki tour with your workmates. Yeah. I did a Contiki before I worked at Flight Centre. I was like 23 and I was the drunkest person on the thing, so it was pretty good for me anyway.

I love the idea of sabotaging people in the office that you don't want to go on the trip with just making sure they don't hit their target so that you can have a bit of peace just just just sending inmates to deal with them yeah just go just waste their time for eight hours yeah over a fucking flight to the moldyce place like reverse dummy bidding just sit someone into like yeah yeah yeah tell them yeah yeah you'd be too young to remember this stuff but in my day way when, airports used to be a place where you could feel the excitement in the air because – It's a special thing flying.

It was a special thing. Yeah, and now the only excitement you feel is when there's a terrorist there. I don't know if this is wrong or not, but now, like, basically they're just filled with these fucking annoying people who god intended to be on buses oh yeah a fucking plane is just a bus in the air it's a sky bus man yeah yeah have i have i said to tommy tell me if i've told this before but i i love this story in that i brought my parents to coast familiar ones and so they're very they act very differently when they travel to me because like they're there

and they're like oh we just want to stay in the resort and they're just into like meeting people who are in the resort i'm like out getting pissed oh my god whatever they're they're making friends with people who are walking past and they're stopping them yeah stopping them going oh what's what's what's happening what happening? Where are you from? And trying to figure out a way of how that relates back to Maribor. But then if they run into them again the next day, it's so exciting. They love that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's an ice cream man that would walk up and down the beach that's like fully clothed

and like, you know, trying to earn two cents a fucking ice cream cone. And my mum and dad were just going, come and talk to us for an hour. And it's like, cunt, I've got fucking eight children to feed. Oh, my God. My folks love a bit of that. That's a very big parent thing, just holding court around the pool. So they were in the pool with this one couple for like a week. They'd be catching up with them every day.

And the other couple were telling them, oh, Samui's very different to when I first started coming here. We were coming here 30 years ago and we were here 40 years ago and it was all different. It was all sand here and every year it gets polluted and it's all different and new things come up. It's all not as good as it used to be and all that sort of stuff. But the way they were telling it, this is my parents telling me back the story. When they first started coming, the planes were all different and they were flying over and there wasn't any even any seats on the plane and they were flying into kosamui and there was no seats on the plane they had to bring their own fold-up chairs on the plane

and so they were going through a little bit of turbulence and the seats are flying all over the plane they're going from the top to the bottom of the plane and whatever and i'm with poultry under their arms all this sort of stuff and i'm'm going, really? And they're like, yeah, that's what happened. And I looked it up and I was like, the airport at Koh Samui is about 15 to 20 years old. That never happened. Wow. They just made up an absolute bullshit story to impress my parents. Wow, that's very cool.

I honestly would much prefer a plane that functioned that way. That's pretty funny. BYO fold-up chair. I'd fucking love that. The biggest thing, the biggest, nicest chair that you can get through the airport and get on the plane, if you can be fucked bringing it with you,

that's your seat on the plane. That's the new thing. You know, instead of... I haven't even thought that through at all. If you can be fucked taking a lazy boy with you through the airport, you can sit on it for 10 hours. That's the new thing.

Instead of seeing someone come down the aisle and go, fuck, I hope he's not in the middle aisle, in the middle aisle seat. Instead of that, the new one would be, oh, here comes someone with an inflatable pool. Fuck, I hope he doesn't sit down. That's going to be all over the joint. Someone with just a tiny stool under their arm.

You're like, please, please. But Flight Centre. Oh, yeah, Flight Centre, fuck. Yeah, I don't want to talk about them, though. They suck. But I do, yeah. I love to travel. You travel, yeah.

So you've been through Asia. Been through Asia, yeah. So where have I been. I love to travel. You travel. So you've been through Asia. Been through Asia, yeah. So where have I been? I went to Japan recently which was awesome. Japan's so cool. You've been, eh, Tommy? Yeah, I love it.

Tommy's a big Japan fan. Yeah. I went hiking. I do hike a lot. I did the Camino. Do you know what that is? Yeah, it's a paper that you fold up.

Oh my God. You're so close. You've obviously been there. Oh, my God. You're so close. You've obviously been there. That is the nicest defensive thing you've ever said on the podcast. And what the listener missed out on was we got a little act out of you holding up paper. It was very quaint. She's the queen of the stage.

Yeah, that's right. We're not in Japan now. You don't have to sit on the floor You're there But yeah The Camino is in Spain So it's a 800 kilometer hike I've just been

Looking into this Oh yeah That's a good probably rehab Yeah I did it when I was super depressed Now there's something I'm not anymore No I'm not

Did you stay Because you can either stay Take less Carry less And you stay where they organize Or you can carry more And then you choose your own Yeah I did that

Because it was cheap It was like 10 euros a night To stay in an albergue What's that? So you're staying in a what? It's a hostel Sometimes it's like a convent And some of them are active And some of them make you staying in a what? It's a hostel. Sometimes it's like a convent. And some of them are active.

And some of them make you sit in a circle and sing kumbaya. I ain't staying in no convent. Yeah. Right. And then I remember they wanted everyone to go around and say why they were there. Yes. There's this community that you can get involved in or not with the other walkers. Yeah.

He's rehab. Yeah. I mean, well, that was the thing. So what happened was they're like oh why are you here and i was like well i uh i took some acid and uh it told me to do it and that's a true story so you that would be a great way of meeting weirdos surely oh you know what there's a lot of sex pests really yeah i saw so many dicks that i didn't even ask to see i mean people just come up And show you their dick

Well guys like You know They'll see you walking by yourself And they'll come up to you And like Less or more than in comedy Fiona's in What is wrong?

Probably about the same Right about the same Okay Some guy was jerking off In a bunk bed one night And you can hear him Top or bottom? He was on the top

Okay And he was just like Oh yeah That's two power moves By the way Climbing the top. Okay. And he was just like, oh, yeah. That's two power moves, by the way, climbing the top bunk and wanking. Yeah. And then were you like, watch this, Carl. Were you like, stop it, dad.

Nice. No. Guys, glad I watched that one. Guys, were you watching? Tommy was doing the acting. Were you watching? Yes. So, yeah, he was so vocal.

He could hear everything he was saying and he just started like moaning and he's like, oh yeah, oh yeah. And then when he climaxed, he yelled out boobies. Great. And then I was like, dad! Yes, yes. We got there, we got there.

I knew it. We got there. It's terrible. Yelling it out at the point of climax, it's like too little too late, don't you think? It's like, where was that earlier? If you had a bit more coin, could you stay somewhere without someone

jacking off? You could have your own room. That costs the most to get that in your room. You have to pay extra to get someone jerking off in your room. Yeah, I was paying someone to follow me around and jerk off, leave a trail behind them. Holy fuck, that's terrible. Yeah, it was paying someone to follow me around and jerk off, leave a trail behind them. Holy fuck, that's terrible. Yeah, it was pretty bad.

As a solo female. And as hot as I am, I was just flattered. But, you know, also disgusted. Are you saying that he was attributing that to your boobies? Is that what you're saying? Boobies? No, no. He can't even come up with a dirty name for that term.

Boobies. That's like a four-year-old masturbating. If that was possible. Boobies. Yeah, but there's a lot of weirdos on the trail, like so many. A lot of religious people. How many people? How big is the trail as in wide?

800 kilometers. No, no. I mean. Oh, it just depends. Sometimes you're walking down the road. Do you have a 800 kilometers. No, no. I mean. Oh, it just depends. Sometimes you're walking on a road. Do you have a bottleneck? Sometimes, yeah. Some of them, yeah.

Because there's cyclists too. Oh, are there? Yeah. Yeah, it was a bit sad. But it was still like really fun. Like I had a good time. I want to go back and do another one too. This is in Spain, not in Japan.

That was in Spain. But I went to Japan and I hiked like a similar trail there too because there's like a sister trail from the Camino in Japan as well. Wow. Yeah. And I met a guy. Oh, this is such a crazy story. I met this guy when I was in Kyoto.

She just came up to me and asked me a question and I was like, oh, I'm sorry, man. Like I'm a tourist. And so was he. He was from Australia. He's from melbourne yeah and um i was like oh anyway goodbye and then a week later i'm walking on this trail and i feel someone behind me and i turn around and it's the same guy and i was like whoa this is fucking creepy right yeah anyway so we walk the rest of the day and well you didn't say anything to him at the time oh no i did i was like oh my god we met in kyoto that's so weird and and he was like yeah i'm not stalking you i was like okay

yeah yeah it's literally what it is and anyway so we walked for the rest of the day and we went separate paths at the end of the day um and then the next day we met on a different trail yeah and i was like okay this is getting creepy yeah um but anyway i was we walked again and then um and then we decided to meet on purpose in osaka and then we got really drunk and then he ate my ass boobies and i never all right just give us a moment. We'll have questions. The delivery on that came out of nowhere.

That really snuck up on us. If we were playing Family Feud, we didn't have that on the leaderboard. All the guest endings of that story. Ironically enough, I feel like I just had a finger slipped in at the last minute without any kind of warning there. I can honestly say I've never felt older. Because I don't know what that means. He put his tongue

in my asshole. Oh my god! What are you talking about? It's very popular these days, Fiona. It's really having a moment right now. It's a real millennial thing at the moment. You go straight to... This was still on the trial when he was behind her. She was at a trial mix.

You kiss each other, have sex, then that happens? Yeah, kind of. It was just like a move that he made. And I was like, whoa, what are you doing? He's like, can I? And I was like, okay. Was that a first for you? That was a first.

Okay, interesting. Yeah, it was pretty intense. Did he think maybe it was because, because you're in Japan and there's a lot of,

you know, hoses going up buttholes. It's like, well, this is the cleanest country to do it in, maybe. I mean,

the craziest thing, all I could think was the first day I got to Japan, I got gastro. Oh, oh my god. Fiona's now having a second stroke in the last five minutes.

That was two weeks prior, right? But I'd also been walking on this trail for three days. You've been doing a lot of activity and then he goes with that? Hang on. If someone were to eat my ass, as you say, I would... Come on. You've never had someone eat your ass. No, I've never were to eat my ass, as you say, I would.

Come on. You've never had someone eat your ass. No, I've never had anyone eat my ass. Do you want someone to? I can find someone. No. But I'm just wondering, I would be in the shower for 10 hours before that. I mean, it wasn't what I had prepared for, but it was definitely not like. It's rare that it's ever like floated with a few hours notice.

Yeah, yeah. You know, it's a real spur of the moment. It's not synced up in the iCalendar or anything, is it? Look, just go home tonight, have a shower and present your asshole to your husband. Honey, before you come around tonight, have a shower. Let's just say that. She doesn't know, does she?

It's, no. I don't have an asshole this is see this is the new generations your generation it was always like don't go out without clean underwear now it's don't go out without a clean butthole yeah in case you get the hardest place to keep clean like yeah i I know. But this was the thing. You're dangerous to your young kids, don't you? Yeah. I don't even think... That was the first time I'd ever done that and I'm 32.

Wow. So I feel old. I do love that it went from you being freaked out and you being like, I think this guy's following me too. Oh, yeah, stick a tongue up there if you want. Yeah, while you're back there. If you're going to be following me around all day. If you're going to suck up my arse all day, suck up my arse all day.

What's in it for the person eating the arse? This guy, what a king. I fucking love this man. It was, I mean, I... He's from Melbourne, so we might know him. We might know him. He might be a listener. He walks amongst us. Damn, this is going to fuck my life up.

Just everyone I walk past in public from now on. I'm going to be like Fiona taking photos of strangers in case this is a guy. Just to send a tour. Is this him? Yeah. Excuse me, sir. Can you just stick your tongue out for a minute? I just love young people.

I just think, well, more power to you. Like the way you just said that. Yeah, I'm so brave. So was there any discussion about like, oh, you know, when you're hooking up, is he like, is he addressing like, oh, this is weird, you probably thought I was stalking you. And now, you know, is he like being funny? No.

This panned out, you know. It was kind of, oh, God oh god i don't this sounds creepy too but even like during like when like the foreplay and everything's happening he's like talking about how he couldn't wait to do it you know but when we started walking wait hang on what because we because he's walking we're walking together and sometimes the trail you know you have to walk um you can't walk side by side so he walked behind me yeah while we were walking together and he was just talking about and he was just like

I would have just I would have just done it while we were on the trail and I was like whoa oh wow I mean so would have I but like I didn't want to

it's a sacred place right Jesus Christ well so he was talking about literally licking your ass on the trail that's what he was saying no no no

you're saying when you started hooking up he was like god I just wanted to fuck you on that trail pretty much yeah he wanted to fuck you on that trail. Pretty much, yeah. He wanted to fuck you on the trail, but was he saying he wanted to lick your ass on the trail?

Yeah. Right. Damn. Yeah. It was intense. I'll see if I can't remember his name. Yeah, not really worth remembering. Just a guy who stuck his tongue in your ass.

It could have been anyone. Guest of honour at Fiona's photography. Oh, yeah. You can get this guy to make an opening speech. Yeah. It could be like Kappa's pop-up exhibition in my exhibition. Yeah. It's Fiona's exhibition and then it's a guy eating your arse in the toilet.

No, no, in the toilet. In the toilet. There's no Dunny roll. It's just this guy with his tongue hanging out. Fucking hell. God, that really... I kind of... I'm lost for words and I also have so many questions.

I feel so conflicted. Ask away. I mean, have you guys ever had your... Have you ever eaten anyone's ass? Yeah. Okay, there you go, because you're a gentleman. Exactly. Fiona.

I don't think I can actually contribute much more to this Your question was what's in it for the person doing it But I mean that's true of a lot of foreplay Yeah Kind of act You know it's the nice feeling of someone else feeling good If they're into it Yeah

See this is like where I'm from a different era almost Yeah And that's why I say more power to you because we humans are getting um even that is generous i to me it's weird but people are getting more and more generous in in every human humankind yeah i think he's getting better yeah well i mean in a sexual arena yeah yeah look i'm not gonna lie i i'm not i didn't enjoy it like i couldn't stop laughing the whole time because it was just like it tickled yeah and it is you do have to have a sense of humor about it while it's happening because it is an

absurd act to be both giving and receiving and when you say the whole time like oh like the you know the two hours that he did it for i was i was having a fit man it was great now sex in my era was just couched in shame yeah same when i was growing up shame it was a shame job particularly for women we didn't talk about it i never had i never had a job yeah give me a shame i never knew any that's what eating us should be yeah the shame getting a head job and getting a shame job I never knew any That's what eating us should be Yeah the shame job Getting a head job And getting a shame job I said great

The words we used to use I said And I need Who got it I was doing this Show that Oh I can't talk about But it's coming

It'll be on a network Soon Earlier in the year Earlier this year Later this year I mean I'm a celebrity Eat my ass Well they're eating it In the jungle this year, later this year, I mean. I'm a celebrity, eat my ass. Well, they're eating it in the jungle this year. Worse than bugs.

No, there's a lot of women in this. It's not women. Okay. Anyway, we were in rehearsal and someone was talking about going out. A lot of the girls were younger than me. And there's Danielle Spencer, who's about my vintage, and she got the reference. And I just said it to be a smartass.

But, yeah, I said, did he tit you off? Tit you off? Did he tit you off? And all the young people just looked at me like, what? And Danielle laughed and laughed and laughed because that was a phrase in my day that's the sort of thing a girl would ask another girl if you know second base and did you get titted off is that when you just touch your boobs yeah touch your boobs whoa that doesn't seem right yeah

the off bit in there is titted off and that was universal every Not universal, but everyone in Australia. Really? Yeah, when you were 15 to 30, 15 to 20, 25. That's as far as girls were going. Fucking prudes. I love that second base. Eating ass. 13th base? You're just doing laps of the baseball mound.

I was going to say before, if oral sex is like a form of foreplay, is eating ass five play? Yeah, yeah. Like post the act. It depends on how many people are there. Right. I just thought it was a euphemism for having sex, you know, and then to find out it was a literal thing.

Yeah. I love the idea of this guy coming home from Japan and someone going, oh, how was the cuisine? No, I've had better. Yeah, they eat a lot of raw fish and sort of sick shit like that over there don't they a lot of uncooked

pink stuff oh lord tasted like yeah it actually yeah yeah yeah the ramen was okay but the ass mwah

well I think that's just about all the time we have left For the little dum-dum club for another week Tor and Fiona thank you very much for joining us Thank you Can you guys just not tell anybody about this though Yeah it just goes out to just mum and dad

You guys both have things coming up at the various Festivals around the country Yeah I've got a show called An evening with Fiona Lachlan, which basically means I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Making memories. Oh, no, it's going to be really cool.

No, it's great. You mean it's great. And it's also happening at the Basement Comedy Club. I know. So, yeah, it's going to be really good. It's going to be the best. If you could put it on sale,

that would be a big help, Fiona. Oh, okay. Haven't I done that yet? No. I'll get onto that immediately. But this show, I found myself loose, so loose at the moment on stage.

Not that I'm out, I don't mean loose as in really going out there, but I feel, I've never felt so comfortable in my skin. Right. And I put it all down to the dowel.

Yeah, yeah yeah nice no no just know it's like get over yourself you're good at you're good at this it doesn't matter

yeah you know get over yourself yeah you get rid of your ego it's like what do you care you know how to tell a story

people like it so tell stories that's great so you're nice and loose and you're in a downstairs sort of intimate venue so it's a good combination

yeah it's a good combination yeah it's a great venue for this show yeah awesome so that'll be on sale by the time we put this episode up yes yeah and tour um i'll be i'm not really doing much uh in perth during fringe uh i've got like a show called hers day which is just an all-female showcase at the salen anchor um that's that's in wa and that's in melbourne doing a bunch of shows during the comedy festival called Hers Day, which is just an all-female showcase at the Salem Anchor. That's in WA. And you're in Melbourne doing a bunch of shows during the Comedy Festival. Yeah, doing Comedy Zone.

Which is like a bunch of the best-ever up-and-comers, basically. Yeah, after seven years. That's so cool. That's great. Yeah. That's a very backhanded compliment. You're one of the best new people. You're as good as all these other brand new people

but you've been going for quite a while. Yeah, one of the kids on the line-up, I could be his mother. No. Well, you can't get pregnant the way you do it.

I don't know how you got pregnant if you're getting titted off. Oh, that's great. So, well, you guys have got all your infos on the social. So, Torsnider, Fiona Lachlan, hit up your respective websites to find out where you guys are playing in their areas.

Get onto that. Keep an eye out for Fiona's photography exhibition, which we'll get working on. We'll be working on that for 2020. By the end of the year, we'll have this all organised. This is a new little mission for us, which is great. Always nice to have a little project on the back burner. Cannot wait. Get on to that.

Me and Tom, you've got brand new solo shows that are going to Adelaide, Brisbane and Melbourne. Yes. Yours is called? Meatball. Tommy Daslow, Meatball. Mine's called Carl Chandler, Please Call Me Carl. Mr Comedy was my father.

That's great. That's happening. You've just reminded me, I had a dream last night That I was looking through The Comedy Festival Guide And your show title in there Was literally that Please call me

Carl Mr Comedy is my father But you'd written Ha ha ha At the end of the title I woke up I was like Damn I wish I was living

In that world That would be great Guys thanks very much For listening We'll see you next time See you, mates. And welcome once again to Talking Dumb Dumb. I'm Tommy Dasolo.

With me, as always, is Carl Chandler. Thank you. Thanks for having me. And they've done it again. Yeah, I can see what you mean. They have. It's a good discussion point for this week, isn't it? Is that what we're going to talk about this week?

Give us a call. Do you think they've done it again? Do you think they've just done it? Do you think we've never done it before and this is the first time we've done it? Interesting. Mm. But, I mean, even if someone doesn't agree with the idea that we've done it again and they only think that we've done it, those two different groups of people can agree that

in this one we've done it. Yep. It's just how many times we've now done it, those two different groups of people can agree that in this one we've done it. Yeah. It's just how many times we've now done it. Well, that's the argument, isn't it? Whether the again is vital in that statement or not. It's the eternal question. Is it?

The eternal question. Yeah. It's one of the great philosophies of the world. Have you just done it or have you done it again? You sound like Fiona on this episode. Exactly. You know, it got me thinking about different kind of philosophies and ways of viewing the world. Right.

Really opened your mind to just again is just. Yeah, what is again? What is again? At the end of the day, what is again? Maybe in your philosophy, we've just always been doing it. Like we've never stopped doing it. So you can't do it again. We can't be doing it again because it's just this ongoing.

I mean, I do think there is an argument to be made. Right, okay. Well, I guess you would have to view it as we put the show out once a week. So there's six days in between where we're not doing it. But people don't know that we're constantly doing this show. We just record one hour of it a week. Well, we also do five episodes a week and then we pick the best one to release. So any ones that you think haven't been up to scratch,

rest assured that there were four terrible ones on the cutting room floor. Like when Prince died, they said, oh, he's just got hundreds of albums in the vault. He just records and waxes. That's us. Just thousands of episodes that we're like, no, let's not put that on there. Let's put Pablo Francisco instead.

That was the best one that week. That was the best one that week, which says a lot about the racism that we got from Nick Cody and Dave Thornton on the other episode that we abandoned. I've been thinking about this a bit recently because that does happen a lot with music where the posthumous album, someone will be like maybe 80% to 90% of the way through recording an album

and then they pass away and then the family and friends, you know, kind of jazz up the little remaining bit and put it out. I've been thinking about that a lot in terms of comedy and my own mortality and I think what I need to do is start kind of like just 80% finishing some routines and stuff, make some voice memos, kind of put them in a vault so that if anything happens to me, you know, there can still be a comedy festival show of mine the next year that you and a few others have just kind of punched up

the end of the routines and just still put it out there. Do you keep all your ideas and stuff in notebooks or what do you do? I've got some notebooks, yeah. But a lot of it's real shorthand, so it would be indecipherable. But I'm saying my mentality has shifted where I think. But I guess I'm doing it. It's not like this happens to me and I die and I'm caught off guard and now this needs to be finished.

I'm deliberately half-finishing stuff going, well, that can wait until after I'm dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't work at an end to this. Someone else can put the icing on that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rather than ask you while I'm dead Yeah yeah yeah I can't work At an end of this Someone else can put The icing on that one Yeah yeah yeah Rather than ask you

While I'm alive To do Punch Up I just go Chandler will have A good one for that Right okay When I get hit by a bus Right

And that's left in the will That's left in the will Right You're just You're leaving me Certain jokes in a will Yes Right

Yes Okay I look forward to that My posthumous comedy show Just me doing work For you for nothing And it's not even for you, because you're not around anymore. Yeah, exactly. Well, you know, I've got – I chuck everything into notebooks,

and that would be an interesting thing of, like, people would genuinely get these notebooks full of jokes and half-written jokes and ideas. That would be interesting for someone to then go, oh, he's fucking – he's butchered this one. This is how you do this joke. And then, like, I could legitimately leave that. What if I could leave those notebooks to just,

you know when you leave, like, your body to science? Yeah. Can I leave my notebooks to comedy? Yeah, yeah. Or like a very bad open mic-er. Yeah, yeah, right. This is what's going to launch you. Yeah, right.

Like, unfiltered access to the Chandler Gold. Right. So, well, bronze probably if it hasn't been done already. But, yeah, like someone, when I die, someone in their first year of comedy, like there's some panel where it's like, okay, well, this is some fucking weirdo who's got a bit of promise. Oh, so a panel of your peers gets together and then we go and we scour the open mic nights and we find this lucky, inverted commas,

beneficiary of your notebooks. I don't mind that at all. I quite like... I like the idea of arguing tooth and nail with people on the panel about who's worthy of the notebook. Yeah, yeah. No, they don't need to be burdened with fucking heavy truck. Just like, yeah, they're going to be be burdened with fucking heavy truck just like

yeah they're gonna be good don't fuck them up with this notebook what about because what i think would be interesting and so you would be okay with this because i think you quite often hear when the posthumous album gets released and this this kind of happened with prince like his musical turned up on spotify and he very publicly when he was alive was very anti-streaming right so these things that go against the wishes of the artist. Yeah. I like the idea that just as a, maybe you feel like you've come down with an illness and you can feel that the end is nigh.

And you just really start to get on the front foot and go, I never want this. Right. I never want this material to see the light of day. Right. But we still do it. Yeah. So there's like, some of the diehard fans are like, this is despicable that the family and friends have gone against his wishes like this and put on this posthumous notebook show.

That is a funny idea to be that vehement about it. Like Prince is like, oh, this is my beautiful art. You know, I don't want that to be wasted in this way. And I'm like, no, this great joke about elevators. Exactly. How dare you? Yes. How dare you let someone say that on stage in front of 17 people at an open mic?

It is against my wishes for you to put this out into the world before I even got the chance to yell it at a group of disinterested backpackers at an open mic. How dare you spoil my awesome five-second joke about leg warmers to those Danish travellers? Well, this is great. We've both got a plan worked out for our inevitable demises. Great. Feels good. Great. Okay, let's move on to this.

We went to London last year and did shows. This is not an official announcement or anything, but me and you were talking. You were like not – well, we're not going to go to London next year. No. This year, sorry. 2020. 2020.

Going to be my year. Not in London, though. But I think I will put this out there on the show like I did last year. Guys, if you've got any chance of getting me a Liverpool ticket, I want to go. The same deal as last year. We were doing that thread of the team I barrack for forever. I haven't won a title in 30 years. It's looking pretty good.

Don't want to put the Moz on them, but it looks like I've just done it. But it's looking – a lot of other people are putting the Moz on them. It's looking pretty good. And so I do want to go back. It's Moz worthy. Yeah. I mean, we've got a big lead. Do you have more of a lead this time – like now than you did this time last year?

Yes. Yeah. Yes. It's way – it was looking good last year, but at this stage of the year, I think I put the call out earlier last year as well. I'm putting it out later this year. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we were talking about that at like the start of December or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had a big lead start of December, mid-December, whereas this is mid-January and we've got a bigger lead. So it's looking pretty good. So, again, I would like to be a piece of this season. I would like to go. If anyone can work their magic and get me a ticket, I'd love to go in March, April, May, something like that, probably early.

I don't know how I'm going to be able to go later. But yeah, if anyone can work their magic, anyone's got any ideas, please hit me up. I would love you forever and I can work with you and do what you need. And I should say, you know. Whoa. I can work with you and do what you need. Exactly. Man, I'll spell it out exactly all the positions I'll take.

Because a very nice young listener helped me out last year with a friend of a friend of a friend so if anyone can help me I am willing to reward them in any way can I just add something to this request that you've massively overlooked yes no time wasters

please that's right for your benefit I'm not the one that's going to get the messages do you really think that will put anyone off? Do you really think that will put anyone off? Well, just so that you can feel better about it when inevitably it does happen. At least you can feel like, look, I tried. Yeah, yeah. I tried to reason with these people.

Or at least I can say now, did you fucking not hear what Tommy said? Exactly. Right, okay. Yeah. You know what? Any of the time wasters, you send them my way and I'll deal with them. I feel like I've got enough time wasters already. Exactly. Just, okay. You know what? Any of the time wasters, you send them my way and I'll deal with them. I feel like I've got enough time wasters already. Exactly.

Just in general. Exactly. Hitting me up. No time wasters about this subject or anything else, please. Or anything else. Wow, okay. A blanket time wasting ban. Yes, yes.

Damn. Please. Okay, so that's that. Sorry, London, for I guess you thought we may have come back, but Tommy's put his foot down. He hates Europe. I do. No, I loved Europe.

I'd love to go back, just not in a small window where you're like, hey, this week between us doing Brisbane and the Comedy Festival starting, that's when I'm going to go. Yeah. No, thank you. Disappointing. So that's that. Of course, yes, look, we do have shows coming up.

I think we're all done, I think, in terms of what you've just mentioned. Brisbane and Adelaide, I think by the time this comes out, they might be both absolutely cooked and sold out. Yeah, quite possibly, yeah. I believe. So, yeah, if you're desperate, have a quick look. But I think absolutely, I think Brisbane's definitely done. Adelaide, I think, is very, very close, if not done desperate, have a quick look. But I think absolutely, I think Brisbane is definitely done. Oh, right.

I think is. Adelaide, very close. Very, very close, if not done. You wouldn't read about it. Well, you would in a book called, We Picked a Very Fucking Small Venue in Adelaide. And wow, blow me down if fucking 10 of them didn't buy a fucking ticket finally. Yep.

So that is, of course, Adelaide, we we are doing stand up in a small venue on I think March the 14th or 15th the 14th and then the next day we're in Brisbane the 15th

yes and that's a full podcast and full solo shows that is the first places you can go to see our live stand up shows

in 2020 the year that is going to be our year that is of course Tommy Daslow Meatball and Carl Chandler please call me Carl year. That is, of course, Tommy Daslow, Meatball,

and Carl Chandler, Please Call Me Carl, Mr. Comedy Was My Father. Of course, then, after doing that for the first and second time, we will then do it again and again in Melbourne. So get on our website and check out the dates that we are going to do. Tommy's doing a full month in April, a little bit of March and a bunch of April. I'm doing just two weeks in April. So get on to that. We'd love to see you there.

These are going to be very fun shows. Get on to that. This is the time to do that before they get too full. Ha-ha. Good one. Yes. Of course, we do have two. We usually do four or five shows in April during Melbourne, during the festival in Melbourne.

We are only doing two of them this year in the afternoon. So that's the 4th and 11th of April. Those are both absolutely filling up. Yep. So get onto that as well. We usually on the last day of the comedy festival, we do a drunk cast. That is not happening this year. We are instead keeping our powder dry for our big 500th episode, which is literally a week later.

Yep. So it's on April 25 on a Saturday night, primetime. We're in a massive theatre. We've talked about it. Let's drum this into your head because tickets are going quickly. This will sell out, and it's going to be a very big day. It is going to be not only a huge theatre gig with a thousand people there, we're going to do an after party as well.

Yep. We'll be coming out with details about that, but that'll be an after party in a different location afterwards. That'll be a party that'll be basically the equivalent of the drunk cast. It's going to be a heap of fun. And, yeah, look, absolutely come to the live show, and then the fucking real party animals will continue on to that thing. Yeah, the real weekend warriors

coming out in their Hawaiian shirts, just throwing sharkers in the air, sunglasses on indoors at night, just ready to party it up. I cannot imagine the state people will be in. I'm looking forward to seeing who gets let in and who doesn't actually because I reckon it's going to be a big day.

Yeah, I agree. I mean, the actual gig is in a theatre where people can't easily get to a bar and be knocking back piss for the entire time that we're on stage. I wouldn't doubt them. Well, not easily. I didn't say they wouldn't. I said it's not easily accessible. At the very least, we don't have to have our show interrupted by the sound of the fucking

cash register next to the stage opening up. Yes. So that will be very nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That will be a night. The venue's big enough that we won't have to hear a glass in the back row being dropped every three seconds. Yes.

I'm very much looking forward to that. I'm looking forward to how... Are we going to crowd surf? Ooh. I wonder if we can get away with that in the afternoon. Um... You probably can. Who's going to crowd surf? Ooh. I wonder if we can get away with that in the afternoon. Um, you probably can. Who's going to stop us? Yeah.

I reckon no one can stop us. I'd like to work out if someone can bring a ladder because I'd like to crowd surf to the back of the lower area and then climb up the ladder and be crowd surfed up the back of the balcony as well. Right, right. Well, you can crowd surf to the back of the ground floor and then just walk up the stairs. Run upstairs and then be crowd surfed and then crowd surfed off the balcony into the adoring arms of people who are back down on the ground level.

Sure. But you could literally, I wonder if we could do that. If we could crowd surf the bottom level, then walk up the stairs, crowd surf the second level, get to the end of that, walk up the stairs, crowd surf the third level. Oh, there's a third, isn't there? Yeah. And then we go next door and we crowd surf that entire building as well just work our way up colin's right right yeah we can try that um that's going to be that's going to be very fun and yeah just the after party is going to be fun as well that's going to be a big day and also yeah that's that's that's the other thing that we haven't probably mentioned,

I don't believe. So that's on a public holiday. That's on Saturday, April the 25th, which is Anzac Day, which, look, I'm enjoying just a few people that have hit us up to go, fucking how dare you put it on Anzac Day? It's like, well, A, we didn't do that deliberately. That was the day the theatre was

open for us. That was available for us. And that's also how the, basically, the time-wise, how the episode falls. And also,

are you fucking kidding? They play football on Anzac Day. Have people been, have people been necessarily angry about it? Yep. Yeah, right.

I've had a few angry ones. Really? I've had a good handful of angry ones. Interesting. Fuck off. And it's like people, as if about it? Yep. I had a few angry ones. Really? I had a good handful of angry ones. Interesting. Fuck off. And it's like people that, as if you were coming anyway, so suck my dick, fuckhead.

Yeah. But just that idea of what it's, even if you put something on Christmas Day, and it's like, cool, come to it or don't come to it. But who goes? There's all due respect to everyone uh associated with with the remembrance of people on anzac day and everything but who sits in their fucking bathroom and sits very still for 24 hours yes who doesn't do anything for the entire day maybe i could understand the sentiment

if it's like pissed off because oh i'm planning on going away that weekend and that means that i can't go yeah still also that's not our problem. Also, I'd understand it if we were putting it up against the dawn service. If our live show was at 6am opposite the eternal flame and we're like, no, no, no, over here, boys. It's not a bad idea. 4am podcast, pre-dawn service, get in everyone. Yeah, yeah, preload. Well within your eyes to complain to us if that's

what we're doing but we're not doing it all right maybe net maybe episode 600 yeah maybe yeah maybe episode 552 yeah yeah maybe we can build up to that but we're not it's at night it's a there's plenty of time to think about uh the fallen soldiers and all the due respect that you can give to everyone involved yeah in all the sacrifices that everyone has made, this is a little show at the end of the day that can be separate to that. Yes. And, you know, what better tribute to the people that fought for this country to give us the rights...

All right. Now you're pushing it. ...to be as fucked as you can. Yes. Yes. Yes. The Nazis would never let us do this. I don't know.

There is a case to be made that certain parts of this podcast almost qualify as being a war crime. So it's going to be fun. Yeah, can't wait. Boy, it's creeping up. Rapidly creeping up. It is. But there is legitimately three live podcasts before that.

Yes. So they are also going to be very, very fun. Look at Brisbane. So excited. Always excited to go to Brisbane. Yeah, me too. That's going to be great. All right.

So what we do next on this show is we pay tribute. This is the dawn service of Patreon subscribers, really. Just very quickly, before I get too far away from it, do you agree with me that they've done it again? Yes. Yeah, I enjoyed that episode, yes. I didn't get any qualification from you on that. I can feel the diehards out there going,

God, what did one half of Talking Dum Dum think of that episode of The Little Dum Dum Club? Yeah, but I don't like to put my opinion out there because I don't want to be a critic. Everyone hates a critic. Yeah, that's very true. You make up your own mind. You don't need me to tell you what you just listened to.

You make your own evaluation. Who am I to say if they've done it again? Yeah. You make your own mind up. But just for the record, you do think they've done it again? I do definitely think they've done it again. I am HO. I am O, maybe,

in that case. But let's pay tribute to the true heroes of this podcast, the people who give us money to make it happen. We are always on this show, every week,

we pay tribute by reading out a bunch of random names. Well, not too random. Not names of people that didn't give us money. People that did give us money. But a random number of names of people who get on patreon.com slash little dumb dumb club and chuck their hard-earned shekels towards us to say, A, thank you for doing what we do. A, thank you for doing what we do, and B, thank you in advance for the bonus materials that we're about to receive,

which is bonus magazines, bonus episodes, all that sort of jazz, as they say. Exclusive entry into an elite Facebook group. Wow. That's what it's all about. That's the biggest trophy of them all. Where you get such exclusive bombshells like us every now and then going, just recorded

an episode. I do like that every week. It's like, I should go in there and let them know. And then it's like, no, I actually don't want to tell them who's on it. Try and put something, you know, some little kind of tease or whatever. But we do, look, we do give people exclusive, the first go at live shows and all sorts. You know, like the 500th episode we just talked about, we put that in the Patreon-only group for a day, and so I think, God, I think about the first 10 rows went just to the Patreon

group, so things like that. First go at t-shirt sales and all that sort of stuff, yeah. Now, just before, when you said that people can get onto Patreon and give their hard-earned shekels to this podcast. Now, I dare say that's not exclusively true. I dare say there's some people who subscribe to this using money that was not hard-earned at all. Perhaps the odd inheritance or like birthday money or something like that.

If you're giving part of your doll money to us. Yes. Respect. That is amazing. Respect. Because the doll is – is the doll not gone up in like forever, I think? I think that's it, yeah. Yeah. I went to the climate rally on Friday evening here in Melbourne and it kind of like – it snaked around the city in this weird way

where we're walking up Lonsdale Street and all these like cars in traffic were just kind of like stopped by like people walking up the road, presumably for a very long time. Just these cars just trapped there. nice car with an older, well-dressed boomer gentleman in it and just imagine that they would have been furious to have had their drive home disrupted by this climate rally. I was just kind of imagining like, you know, one particular guy like hanging out with his mates afterwards and, you know, telling them what had happened, like, ah, got stuck in traffic because of the bloody climate rally and his friend being like, you should have just bloody run them all over, mate.

And then him being like, God, I tell you what, it would have been a quiet time to go into Centrelink. Would have been bloody no one in there. Just boomer humour is kind of the easiest thing in the world to pick. You can just tell what all the dot points would have been. Well, it would have been quiet at six o'clock at night when the rally was on in the doll office. That's for sure.

I'm now picking holes in the joke in this imaginary someone who did not make that joke someone who doesn't exist um gotcha gotcha um you fucking fictional 60 year old cunt no you should have seen this guy you you you cunt that doesn't even exist you've you've ruined this world for my child this this man would have rolled it out anyway i don't think he would have cared about the logistics of when centrelink he probably thinks centrelink is like a fucking nightclub that's just open all night hey i mean you can't you can't say that about everyone that's of that age you know some of them are good that's fair yeah my um this guy did look very pissed off right right i think well to be fair, I think my parents would be pissed off being caught in traffic, but they also vote left. Right.

You can be both. I mean, I'm sure if I was stuck in traffic, I'd be like, fuck this. I agree with you, but fuck this. Yeah, that's pretty fair. Yeah. All right. So back to business. Patreon.

A bunch of people. All right, so back to business. Patreon, a bunch of people. We have all the names of people that subscribe are chucked into this computer called the Unplanned Title Alternator that get doled out very evenly and fairly everywhere, completely randomly, so it's fair for everyone.

All I have to do is hit the big red button and these names shoot out one at a time. So let's get stuck into that this week. Thank you. First Kev off into that this week. Thank you. First cap off the rank this week. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Chris Murphy. Chris Murphy. Yep.

Pretty line in length right there. Just a very normal one to start with just to warm us up there. Well, we were talking. I was just disputing the claim that people are putting in their hard-earned money. Maybe something we could do this week is try and deduce how do we think people are earning the money that they've put in. Okay. I think this guy's turning tricks, is what I think.

Chris Murphy, that can't be his name. He can't be on the street going, want a good time, big boy? Oh, what's your name? Chris Murphy. But that's what I'm saying. Something about it sounds very like... Oh, that's a fake name. Sounds sort of pseudonymy, don't you think?

Oh, really? Chris Murphy. No, I feel like that's a very... That's someone who works in an office in my head. But that's, in many ways, maybe that's what makes it the perfect pseudonym. Not everyone wants to be very over the top with their pseudonym. Some people want to fly under the radar. But maybe it's both.

Maybe it's someone who's turning tricks in an office. Oh, okay. That would be good. This is Chris the office prostitute. Yeah maybe it's both. Maybe it's someone who's turning tricks in an office. Oh, okay, fine. That would be good. This is Chris, the office prostitute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This could be, this could be,

you know how, and you would have done this before. You know when you go in and you have like a shared office? You know, you pay, you've got like a hot desk,

you pay for a desk and, you know, you go in there and you work alongside people who are in all different walks of life. It's like, maybe someone who hires a desk

just to fuck someone on. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That's a good, yeah, that's a good, that's a good idea. So you, yeah, you turn up first day on the co-working space. The person that you sat next to, you come in this big box full of things.

Yeah. And they're like, do you have a, like, laptop or? No, no. And you're just kind of sitting there on your phone and they're just looking at you going, does this person just hide this desk to just be on their phone? Yeah. All of a sudden, some guy comes in. Yeah.

You're just fucking pegging them. Yeah, bends them over. On the desk in this co-working space. If you guys – and Chris might be nice. Look, I'm not the sort of person who would come in and, you know, put fish in the microwave. So I'm this sort of person as well. I'm going to fuck this bloke in the ass. If you guys want to maybe go to lunch or, you know, go for smoke break now, you know, I'm just trying to help you out.

Who said that this co-working space had to be for traditional jobs like writer or graphic design. You know, sex work is valid work. Exactly. And by not letting me do it in this co-working space, you're actually being very closed-minded. Yeah, yeah. Very un-woke. Yeah, yeah.

You're like that rotten boomer in the car. Exactly. Just going, oh, I can't believe this. I can smell this guy getting fucked in the ass right next to me as I'm trying to finish this spreadsheet. Mate, it's 2020. I thought the last guy who was ripping open cans of tuna was creating a bad waft in here.

I didn't know how good I had it. That would be good. That would be pretty sweet. Well, Chris, let us know. Yeah. Let us know if we were right on the money here. Let us know if we were right on the money here. Let us know if we were completely 100% accurate there and that we have this $5 or $10, whatever the fuck you gave us,

thanks to you being balls deep in some random bloke in front of a lot of other accountants, graphic designers, marketers, PR people. Yep. Yep. That'd be great. Just freelancers surrounded. Because that sex work is freelancing. Completely.

It's 100% freelancing. Completely. It's arguably the most freelancer job there is. Have you ever, because you've been to Japan a bunch of times now. Have you ever been to a sex hotel? Have you ever? Well, they're not, I haven't been to one right but they're not like you don't get sex workers there i mean you can get it no no i understand because i've been to

one right yeah you've just stayed at one because it was a cheaper option yeah not a cheaper option i just i'm sure i've told this on the show before but i just did not understand so i just kept i went back to this place twice asking to be to come in because I didn't know where else to stay. And they're like trying to make me go. And then at some stage they're like, okay. And I went in there and then realized what that was because they couldn't sort of get it across to me. You can't stay here because there's a businessman

fucking someone right at the moment. Oh, so you were trying to get a room and they didn't want you to get a room? Yeah. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, because it was like at lunchtime, which is when all the Japanese businessmen go and see their mistresses in the love hotels. Yeah. So then after that, after the lunch rush, like at three o'clock or something, they're like, okay, you can now come in here.

And I walked in and there was like porn playing. Oh, really? Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Very interesting, I found it. You just Oh, really? Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Very interesting, I found it. You just left it on? Yeah.

Nice. Yeah. I found out last time I was there, and maybe this is common knowledge, but that they're very common for younger people as well. Like if you're out and you meet someone and pick up, because most people live in these very tiny apartments, like maybe have a single bed the apartment is like pretty cramped and not particularly nice if you meet someone out

and you you know you're not going to go back to one of your houses because it's like shitty small apartment right so that's just where you go you'll just get a love hotel if you've just picked someone out at night do you ever go do you ever have you ever rooted someone in Japan in one of those capsule hotels? No. That would be good. That would be terrifying. Just one person in there is bad enough, let alone two. Yeah, I don't think I could do it. I think I'd get incredibly claustrophobic.

I would get very stressed out. I was desperate and the policeman that I was asking advice of was trying to make me go to a capsule hotel. Policeman you were asking? I'll have to find somewhere to stay. Yeah, right right because nothing was marked out like i didn't know what what were hotels and what going straight to the cops what a narc yeah and the guy was just like i'm like no i'm gonna i'm not gonna listen to the police fuck the police yeah yeah i tried to stay in a laundromat instead but that didn't work either you tried to just like what sleep on the

on the chairs where people are waiting for them? No, no, no. I just could not figure out what were hotels and what weren't. Oh, so you turn up and so you're putting money into a dryer going one room, thanks, and then just climbing in. Yeah. Oh, the Japanese, they've got rotating beds. They've thought of everything.

This is amazing. God, this makes the capsule hotel look roomy. And I'm getting cleaner as everything. This is amazing. This makes the capsule hotel look roomy. And I'm getting cleaner as well. This is awesome. They're such a clever people. They've combined the ensuite and the bedroom into one unit. They've combined the bath

and the bed into one thing. Fuck, that's great. Well, thanks, Chris. Thanks, Chris. Thank you to Patreon subscribers. Second cab off the rank this week. We always talk about the first cab. We never talk about the second cab, second cab off the rank this week. We always talk about the first cab. We never talk about the second cab. Second cab off the rank this week, thank you to Patreon subscriber, Christopher Grant. Hmm. Again, it's not too far removed.

I probably wouldn't think too much of this. Right. The use of Christopher, if it wasn't immediately following up someone going by Chris. Yeah. You know, it makes this guy look a bit, you know, a bit la-di-da. Oh, really? A bit kind of putting on airs, kind of. I'm not into it.

Yeah. I mean, Chris, well, it makes me think, well, fuck. You know Topher Grace, the actor that played Spider-Man? Did he? Didn't he? No. You're thinking of Tobey Maguire. Oh, yeah. What did Topher Grace... Oh, you played a-Man. Did he? Didn't he? No. You're thinking of Tobey Maguire. Oh, yeah.

No, what did Topher Grace... Oh, he played a bad... Topher Grace is in that 70s show. Yes, but he played a bad... He played... Didn't he play, like, Harry or something? Like, he's Spider-Man's mate, Peter Parker's mate. He was in...

Oh, yeah. I can't remember. Or was he Venom or something? I don't know. He was fucking someone. I can't remember. He was in one of the movies. Anyway.

But yes, you're right. He was in that 70s show as well. But his name was Topher. So that was short for Christopher, right? Must be. That's fucking so dumb. It's so dumb. I don't mind it.

Really? Yeah, I don't mind it at all. Topher, it's like you're just cutting the wrong bit off there. Like you're using the wrong bit of the animal. It's like you've just left the fucking rump and you're using the snout snout yeah but i don't know i it's like a rose by any other name i can't see an actor by the name of chris grace right getting getting a plum roll on that 70s yeah but that's all that's all i think that's all lovely in hindsight when you go mel gibson that sounds like a movie star well only because you saw fucking 10 movies of him. True, yeah.

I don't know. I can understand him wanting to be an individual. Topher Grace. Fuck him and fuck you. It's a shit name. It's a great show, though. Which one? That 70s show.

Do you think it is a great show? I think it's a good sitcom, yeah. Do you think it's better than Friends? Yes. Do you think it's better than The Simpsons? No. Do you think it's better than The Simpsons? No. Do you think it's better than Everyone Loves Raymond?

Hmm. It's probably a little more interesting than Everybody Loves Raymond. Right. But I think from a joke perspective, maybe Everybody Loves Raymond is a little better. Right. Okay. Yeah, that's interesting. You've got to hand it maybe Everybody Loves Raymond is a little better. Right. Okay. Yeah, that's interesting. You've got to hand it to Everybody Loves Raymond. They do a lot with very little.

Full respect. Every episode takes place in one room with four people. I'm absolutely, absolutely in agreeance with you. Yeah. How do they do it? They don't go anywhere else. They never leave the house. It's one you. Yeah. How do they do it? It is, they don't go anywhere else. They never leave the house. It's one dynamic.

Yeah. It's fucking weird parents and then the brother and then that's it. And they still kept it going and kept it interesting for how many seasons? Did they do like eight seasons

or something? It went for a while. Yeah. Yeah. It's, you know, there's two bugbears in sitcoms for me.

No, let's say three. One is people bagging The Simpsons after season 15 or whatever. I don't even fucking give a fuck. I don't even watch any of those shows after season 15 or whatever. But it's just like an easy thing to go, oh, shit. You don't even watch it. And also, shit, Simpsons is still better than a lot of anything else.

But, I mean, they've made a rod for their back by making the best seven or eight seasons of TV shows of all time. And then they couldn't keep that up for 35 years. Weird. That's number one. Number two is people saying,

oh, the Big Bang Theory is like the worst show of all time. I don't like it as a show, but it is not the worst of all time. People go, oh, you could shit that out. It's just technically it's an okay show. I think it sticks out more than it would have in any other time because it came along at a time when stylistically the sitcoms

that are very popular with a younger audience had moved on. Right. So it was more of a traditional set-up. It was more of a US office and Parks and Recreation and things like that. Yeah. The laugh track had become very old hat. Right. That set-up of just like a bunch of wise-asses just sitting in the one room.

Yeah. Ribbing each other. People had kind of moved on from that. Sure. So it sort of sticks out as being a bit of a bygone era kind of thing. Sure. In that context, I agree with all that, but that's the criticism. Yeah.

The criticism is not, it is not, it doesn't have any jokes in it, it is bad at what it does, it is a terrible show. You know, I don't want to sit down and watch it, but it's not a bad, bad show. Yeah. Having said that, the same people made Two Broke Girls, that's a bad show. That's actually... I don't think I've ever

seen more than about one minute of either of those two shows yeah anyway what's your thoughts on that 70s show so

oh no so that comes back to Everyone Loves Raymond the third bugbear which is sort of the same criticism but saying it's a bad show or whatever

just because it's like oh it's it's younger people saying oh because it's about a family and their parents or whatever it's a bad show or whatever, just because it's like, it's younger people saying, oh, because it's about a family and their parents or whatever. It's like, okay, it might not be for you, but it's a fucking tight show. Yeah. It's a very good show.

And everyone's awesome in it. Yeah. They're great characters and great actors. Yeah. And I'll sit there and not, I don't particularly want to like that show, but I'll sit there and go, well,

I'm a minute in and now I have to watch the whole thing. Yeah. If I'm, if I just chuck the TV on, if I'm flipping around and I see it's on, I'm wrapped. Yeah. I,

I, I appreciate a lot more now because I think as a kid, did you ever have this thing as a kid where I would, if there was annoying, drive me nuts on a show, if there was an annoying character because I'd be like oh I can't watch this

why don't they just tell this cunt to fuck off oh you mean like Urkel kind of thing well not even that more like the the mum on Everyone Loves Raymond

that would drive me nuts as a kid because it's like just get rid of her she's doing she's like saying all this horrible stuff just fuck her off

so your team Deb oh totally yeah oh man Deb's so hot. Yes. For sure. Yeah.

Even though she's now on the, I mean, she's probably finished that show by now. You know that show called The Middle? Yeah. That's confusing because it's like, okay, this looks like Malcolm in the Middle. Yes. And then the kids look like the kids from Malcolm in the Middle. And then it's Deb from Everyone Loves Raymond. It's Deb from Everyone Loves Raymond and it's the janitor from Scrubs.

Right. And it's Deb from Everyone Loves Raymond playing, in my eyes, a mum the same age as she was in Everyone Loves Raymond. But she's 10 years older. Right, right. So she's got kids the same age and she's sort of acting and dressing like she's about 10 years younger and it's like this is weird these these are old parents and they've got young kids yeah

it's very seems a bit odd guys there's any big middle heads out there that can explain what's going on don't worry about making a threat in the group actually it's really good i'm look i'm if there's any massive fans of the Middle, I'm actually interested. What if we find out that there's a huge correlation between people that like this and people that like The Middle? Oh, I would love that. We find out 100% of people that like The Little Dum Dum Club also like

The Middle. Oh, you know what? You look at our fan base and people involved in the socials and whatever. We could probably look up. There'd be some closed group of The Middle that just does middle chat. There's probably 100,000 people in there right now talking about it. Right, yeah.

They made a 69 joke on the middle a couple of times and now that group is just flooded with memes about 69. Every time there's the word middle anywhere, they're just taking a photo of it and sticking it in the group. Middlesbrough. I went to England, there's Middlesbrough. I took a picture of the sign. There you go, everyone. Oh, it looks like England the group. Middlesbrough. I went to England, there's Middlesbrough. I took a picture of the sign. There you go, everyone.

Oh, it looks like England is aware. Yeah. Shut up. But do you like that 70s show? It's fine. I like it because it is still pretty much a traditional sitcom. Yeah. But it does have a lot of like kind of weirder things in it

that are sort of, I think, ahead of its time. Yeah. Like the format of them all when they're getting stoned in the basement and the camera will kind of like... of weirder things in it that are sort of, I think, ahead of its time. Yeah. Like the format of them all when they're getting stoned in the basement and the camera will kind of like... Oh, yeah. That was very like... Little set piece. Not a sitcom kind of thing.

Yep. Like it would do these sort of interesting things. I liked... Yeah, I liked the look of the characters. I liked how they had the dad from RoboCop in it. Yep. That's good. Yep.

I always liked that guy. He's awesome in it. Yeah. Yeah. TheoCop in it? Yep. That's good. Yep. I always liked that guy. He's awesome in it. Yeah. The mum's awesome in it. Yep. It's great that there's a character called Fez who, like, literally all the jokes about him are like, this cunt's not from here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Couldn't get away with that anymore. I like how, yeah, I like how it's like, he's, this cunt is fucked. Everything that happens is like, fucking someone brings in a poodle and he just pisses his pants or whatever. It's like he's like an alien, a dumbass alien who walks in. And then it's like as soon as that show finished, he's just some fucking hunk that everyone wants to suck off. He's hot. David Lindsay Lohan.

Yeah. What a king. He really had the last laugh. Yeah. And now he's just in like CSI shows as just some fucking smouldering fucking He-Man cunt. Yeah. Wilma Vandarama.

Yeah, yeah. Hell of a name. Yes. Wish he would subscribe to the show. Well, who knows? Thanks, Christopher Graham. Maybe in a couple names time. Who knows?

Good point. Who's to say? Hey, don't count us out yet, Carl. It's a good suggestion. It is. It's not a suggestion. I wasn't suggesting anything. Hey, don't count us out yet, Carl. It's a good suggestion. It's not a suggestion. I wasn't suggesting anything. I was pontificating. Yes, that's a good weird idea you had there.

Thank you. That we'll never hear from again. It was a flight of fancy. Yes, great, great. Just sucked up into the ether now. Yeah, go on. Let's get on with the show instead of these ridiculous things that you're just making up and I'm forgetting about already.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber Connor McKenzie. Ooh. Connor. Don't mind it as a first name. I don't love it, I have to say. I don't love it. I, you know, I haven't really, I didn't really think about boys' names before my child was born. We were sitting there.

We didn't know the sex of the child before she was born. But in the hours leading up to it, we were looking through baby name books going, well, you're about to give birth in an hour. Let's go through the book. And so we had a girl's name, but we didn't have a boy's name. Right. But since then, now I'm only just starting to think about boys' names. Connor, don't mind it.

Interesting. You know what I thought about today, another boy's name that I like, that it isn't Connor? Harvey. I don't mind Harvey. I saw Harvey Keitel at an award show and I was like, good name. I like it. Maybe I like Harvey Keitel better. Okay.

No? Don't like it? You're not swayed off by a very famous Harvey? Oh yeah! I didn't think of that. I didn't think of that. I was watching an award show and I saw Harvey. I was like Jesus Christ, what's he going to say

here? Harvey Keitel. Well maybe award show when i saw harvey i was like jesus christ what's he gonna say here harvey kytel well maybe maybe i'd have to go with harvey kytel chandler well who knows how many kids you're gonna have you know maybe you know maybe three or four kids time you know the heat's died down right you know it's it's maybe where you know maybe you know not that we've forgotten but there's enough distance from maybe there'll be a a new famous Harvey who comes into prominence and kind of, you know, gives the name a bit of a palate cleanse. But also, not everyone's in that world of thinking of fucking movie fucking producers and stuff.

Like, not everyone's thinking that. He's not the most famous man on the planet or anything like that. No. I think he's very in, maybe, our industry. That's true yeah a lot of other people would i would feel like if you like tomorrow had a son and you specifically had a son and call him harvey right you would get that a lot yes sure yes in the world of comedy anywhere where you can make jokes about stuff yeah totally yeah i think you'd get a lot of

people going like interesting yeah yeah yeah yeah but just you going like was it like not everyone's it's it's like going i've called him adolf not everyone's thinking about world war two all the time yeah yeah yeah i i think he in my humble opinion adolf hitler did worse things than Harvey Weinstein. I am going to agree with that statement. Okay, nice. We should do this on the Today Show or something. So what, that Friday morning debate thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who was worse, Adolf Hitler or Harvey Weinstein?

It's me and you doing that. In the middle, they've got Kerry-Ann Kennelly or some some reason some absolute cunt of a right-wing old woman that always gets on there and goes, Nah, all these greenies can fucking kill themselves. She gets on there and goes, No, our argument is Adolf Hitler was worse than Harvey Weinstein. And she gets on there and goes, They were both fine. What's wrong? Yeah, okay, right, right. is Adolf Hitler was worse than Harvey Weinstein. Then she gets on there and goes, they were both fine. What's wrong? Yeah, okay, right, right.

What's the fucking problem? So it's just you and me as a united front. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not debating each other. We're as a package. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Us v. KAK. Yes.

Not bad. Yeah. That'd be good. That would be good. Yeah. I like the idea that it's us v. her every week on a different topic. Yeah. And it's always who was worse out of these two people, you and me.

We pick an official little dum-dum club position. And then she's always gone, ah, they're both fine. I reckon in most things, I reckon we'd be on the other side of the argument of Carrie-Anne Kennelly. Yes. I've got a strong feeling. She's, yeah. What is it about fucking? other side of the argument of kerry ann kennelly yes i've got a strong feeling yeah she's um yeah what is it about fucking that's that's the other way i find this weird on those shows where they trot out some old woman who's very right wing and this is very naive of me i i guess

but i always think guys my go-to in my head is old men are fucked in the head. But you go, women aren't as fucked as men in general. But some of these people are fucking proving me wrong here. Yeah. They've managed to find the women who are fucked in the head. I always think, no, they're not out there. Oh, they're out there. There's a lot of equality in that age bracket.

Yes. Women are out there going, we can be just as fucked as any old man. It's ironically enough very progressive of them. Yeah. KAK, a real trailblazer. Yeah. A real piece of shit. Thanks, Connor.

Thanks, Connor. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Oh, this is an interesting one. This is, there's a lot of detail and options being given here They've given two names I don't know whether One of them is a joke name Or what the fuck Is going on here

Okay Thank you to Patreon subscriber Albert Fabian Frederick IV Is this a joke name? Pass Is this a joke name or not? They've gone

Albert Fabian Frederick IV Or Just Ben What's worth Is this a joke name or not? They've gone Albert Fabian Frederick IV or just Ben. What's worse in your eyes? If that's someone trying to make a joke silly name or if that's their actual name? It's truly hard to know. Them thinking that's a funny thing to put in? Yes, absolutely.

Someone thinking that's funny is terrible. It's worse than Harvey Weinstein and Adolf Hitler. Wow. And Kerri-Ann? Oh, that's tough. That's a tough one. That's really taking it over the edge. Look, I'm happy if that's their actual name.

I'm very happy if that's their actual name. Read it again to me. Albert Fabian Frederick IV. Now, I'm inclined to believe that's their actual name. I'm very happy if that's their actual name. Read it again to me. Albert Fabian Frederick IV. Now, I'm inclined to believe that's a real name because why would you... It's not funny enough to make up. Like, what's funny there? Well, look. Okay, a few things here.

We don't need the two middle names. Right. We also don't need the fourth. Yeah. What do we fucking care that your fucking dad and grandpa and great-grandpa were also called at john jacob jingleheimer get fucked or whatever the name is i do like i do like the fourth i do like there's a comedian friend of ours that um hasn't been on the show who is about to name their child after themselves no yes. Yes. Fuck, I really want to know who this is.

Yeah, yeah. Well, I'll tell you later, but at the moment, I won't. No, we'll forget. Can you just text it to me now? Really? Yeah. No. I want to know and you'll forget.

And I'll forget to ask. Just message it to me now. Okay. I really want to know who this is. Because I think that is insane behavior. I did too. And this person is quite, I think, quite serious offstage. I kind of think.

Okay. And so this person told me this fact. And I was like, huh, what? Yeah. And I was like, are you kidding? And they're like, no. And I was like trying to make light of it in some way. Right.

And they just weren't having it. You were just waiting for a little glimmer of like, gotcha. Yeah, yeah. And I wasn't getting it. And then they explained, oh, it's a family name. And my dad was called that. And his dad was called that. And I'm like, okay, but still, come on.

But still, you've got to break the chain somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. Because I've said this on the show many times before, but my mum is a twin and her twin is a boy and they – By the way, because this is hard, I'm trying to keep my end up of conversation talking to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

As I'm trying to text it. I just nearly texted the name of the comedian to the comedian. To the comedian. Great stuff. Yeah. texted the name of the comedian to the comedian. Great stuff. So my grandparents

had my mum and her twin brother and named their kids after themselves. Hang on. So my grandpa, grandpa, they have a boy and a girl and the boy and the girl have the same names as my grandma and grandpa.

It's fucked. It's fucked. It is fucked. It's fucked. So I've had that in the family the whole time and been like, I can't respect this. Loved my grandparents, but I absolutely cannot respect this. No. It's insane behavior.

Have you ever asked your grandparents about this? They're not around anymore. Or did you ever? I missed my chance. Did you ever? No, I never did. Right. What do your parents think about it?

I've never really asked mum what she thinks about it. Really? Well, actually, this will give you an indication. My mum goes by her middle name instead of her first name. So I think that's pretty telling. That's a very – is that a generational thing where people just – a lot of my family have done that my my dad's side did that um my his dad did it his two brothers i think did it and he didn't go by the middle name yeah yeah you never

really hear of anyone do it anymore or you know who knows they people we know could do it and we just don't know because we've never seen their license or passport or whatever well there is a lot of go around going oh but that's not actually my yeah yeah but i mean you know over the time that we've done comedy we found out a lot of people have stage names yes that we i mean well for example you yes that a lot of people get into comedy don't realize you that's daslo is not your real name yes and i guess other people are in that same boat there's a lot of people for some reason

I've become the poster child for it even though there's many many people that do it yeah but I guess is there someone that we know well

is there anyone on this show that we know well that does it yes who well I don't want to blow up their spot

because they have a really good reason for doing it oh yes you're right yeah yeah yeah there is one yeah Cameron James is one yes we've talked about that on the show yeah yeah i feel like we haven't given him enough shit for that yet so we'll wait for it yeah so on the show um yeah okay that's fair yeah um but yeah i don't know i don't know if this is

albert fabian frederick the fourth i do like i just you know i did take my fancy just seeing But Yeah I don't know I don't know if it's Albert Fabian Frederick IV I do like I just You know I did take my fancy Just seeing the one V At the end of the name I'm like Oh yeah of course

You know Maybe if I'd seen it written down I'd be a bit more into it Yeah So what is it If it was just to go If he was to get rid of the two middle names Is it what is it

Adrian It's Albert Fabian Frederick IV Albert Frederick Yeah I don't mind that Yeah Is this This sounds like the two middle names. What is it? Adrian. It's Albert Fabian Frederick IV. Albert Frederick. Yeah. I don't mind that. Yeah. This sounds like, if you told me that this guy was in The Strokes,

I'd believe that. Totally. And I know it's Albert Hammond, but that aside. Yeah. No, it does. And the fourth. It does seem very young, New York, but from a good family. From a good family. But a bit of a dirtbag.

But then you're in a punk band and you're like, there's no point in me trying to run from this. I'm just going to lean in. And then also, and he's gone all just Ben, because that's like his cool name when he's playing at whatever the equivalent of CBGBs is these days. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. these days. Yeah. Yeah. What about if you had a son and called him Connor, but then the full name is Connor Chandler Jr.? And so then his whole life is people going, oh, so your dad's name was Connor?

No? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just chucking Jr. on the end of the birth certificate when the name doesn't relate to anything. Well, that's what I was... I mean, again, maybe I've brought this up before, but it's always on my mind. If your mum's got the same name as her mum, you never hear a Junior on the end of a woman's name.

Juniette. Yeah. You never hear Mary Frederick Junior. Yeah. Yeah, I wonder why that is. I'd love to see it. It's 2020. It's time to get some female juniors out there.

I'd love to see it. Absolutely love to see a female junior. Yeah. I now wish, wasted opportunity. This is a bad soundbite for anyone to take in isolation. We want to see a female junior We We

We want to It's a wasted opportunity now I should have called my daughter Don't say her name Junior Yes Yes Disappointing Damn

Disappointing Alright well thanks Albert Or just Ben Ben I've come around I have to say I was a little harsh On this gentleman early. But now hearing, you know what won me over is just the visualising that IV.

And also, you know what I'd like? If you were friends with that, that would be cool to play with. You'd be like, you know, his nickname, let's just call him Four. Forzy. Yeah. That's good. That's very good. See, now that would have been the better joke if he'd gone Albert da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- We're copying that at school. Yeah. More like HIV. That's good.

All right. Let's do one more. It is late at night. It is getting pretty late. It is late. You're right. We probably should just do two or three more and then call it a night. I disagree. Man, we're at your place.

I've got to get home. Oh, that's very true. You can just tuck yourself in. You're in bed right now. You've got your head on the pillow. All you have to do is turn your head to one side and you're asleep i've been very tired and i've thought about the logistics of recording this while i'm in bed and you're at my kitchen table let's do that one week yeah sure like we're doing right now like i just said oh yeah yeah sure sure well it's not it's not quite

because i'm in bed with you at the moment i have to get out of bed to go home that's what i'm saying yeah yeah yeah. All right. Let's... Okay, so just one more then. Just one more. Just trying to remember that hypothetical from before. There was a hypothetical before? And also what could you...

Why would you need to remember it? Because all you need to do is push the big red button. Yeah. No, I've already pushed it. I was just trying to... It's sort of like a sitcom at the moment. I'm just thinking past all the great times we've had on this episode as the credits roll over and just trying to remember what we've been talking about and whatever.

That's all. Right. We've had so much fun. You actually are having a hard time remembering what we've been talking about? Yes. Yeah, right. So your head – so you look a bit confused. Your head's spinning almost as if you're in a famous kind of scene

like they do in that 70s show. Yep. And the game's all... Go on. Eric, Donna, Fez. Yep. More? Go on.

No, that... Who played Fez? I can't remember. Fuck. But... All right,. Fuck. But... All right, hang on. Just... You know what I do like?

What? Speaking of TV shows, is the cartoon The Flintstones. Yes. And I tell you what, Fred's wife, Wilma... Yep.

What a smoke show. Right. Oh. Right. Okay. Are you ready to look at the name now? Yeah. All right. Right, okay. Are you ready to look at the name now? Alright, thank you to one last Patreon subscriber this week.

Thank you to Comedy Valderrama IV. Thanks for subscribing every week. As a great man who was in Robocop once said, you are a dumbass. I just looked this guy up on IMDb. He was in that 69 show. IMD comedy. That 69's show.

Yeah, great. We haven't talked about it. This is nothing we have to get on the go for 2020. That's 69's show Yeah great That's We haven't talked about This is another thing We have to get on the go For 2020 That's so good That's a good one

For the funny fellas Yes Have we ever had A good new idea For the funny fellas In a while That's 69's show No but I like

Because it's a parody It's like that 70's show It's got the apostrophe S That's 69's show That's 69's show Yeah I like that Ands show it's got the apostrophe s that's 69s show that's 69 show yeah i like that so is it set in 1969 and then it's exclusively about 69ing it's people i don't think there's too much thought put into it it's a very quick sketch it's just people with sidebands and flares yeah fucking plowing down on each other yeah not bad yeah not bad i like that while that cheap trick song is playing in the background.

I'm not quite sure how you see the sideburns as people are just going down on each other like that, but I guess the flares are pretty easy to see. Well, I would wonder how you're seeing the flares if they're 69ing. Yeah. The sideburns, if you shoot it, if you have two people lying on top of each other 69ing and you shoot it side on, then you're going to be able to see the sideburns. I guess. That's the other thing. Because of the era we're in, we're talking massive bush.

Yeah, yes. I think maybe because it's, you know, we're trying to get this on air, it's maybe just a long shot of like we're just going past lava lamps and posters on walls and we're hearing the soundtrack of the time and it's quite a big lead up and then all of a sudden we're just hearing people going hell for leather down on each other and that's the out. You just need to see that for three or four seconds. It's like, oh, we get it and then it comes up with the graphics.

That 69, right. So that 69 showed title card is at the end. Yes. That's the big reveal. That's the reveal. All right, great. I think this is the first sketch that we've actually written for the Golden Girls that's not just, imagine this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And someone else fixed that up for us. Yeah, yeah. Stone Santa, Dr. Bitch, you do the this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And someone else fix that up for us. Yeah, yeah. Stone Santa, Dr. Bitch, you do the maths. Yeah, yeah. All right, guys.

Well, thanks very much everyone who supports us on Patreon. Thank you very much Comedy Valderrama, The Fourth, and all the rest of the gang

that chipped in this week. Yep. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for all the ticket links for stuff we have on sale, all the merch and everything that we have that you can buy. Hit me up about those Liverpool tickets. Yes.

If someone can get me into a match at Anfield, that would be fucking the best. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.