The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 492 - Peter Helliar & Ben Lomas

Episode Date: March 11, 2020

Happy Valentines Day! We're joined by PETER HELLIAR and BEN LOMAS for a super sexy episode of the show. We discuss Tommy's VERY romantic Valentines plans, do a deep dive (again) on Leisure Suit Larry, hear about Lomas' early beginnings in stand-up, and Tommy's got another audition request that's got a VERY different tone to the last one he read out on the show! PLUS some big news in Talking Dum Dum! ADELAIDE! We're back. Sort of. Doing our solo shows back-to-back. March 14, 2pm.BRISBANE! A huge live podcast and our solo shows. March 15, 1.30pm.MELBOURNE! Our 500th episode is on sale. It's going to be massive. April 25, 2020. 8:30pm.We've also got two smaller shows on in the lead up. April 4 & 11. 4pm. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Peter Hellyer and Ben Lomas. We have a bunch of live stuff coming up. We have this weekend, if you're listening to this hot off the press, is March the 14th in Adelaide, March the 15th in Brisbane, all sold out. But, I don't know, try your luck on the door maybe? Yeah. If you want, if you're feeling lucky. Of course we've got big news we haven't mentioned officially on the show. March 19, Thursday March 19, we're going to be appearing live on television's The Project on Network 10.

So we're going to be on screen. Believe it or not, me and Tommy talking about the podcast on screen March 19. Yeah, try your luck with Channel 10 with tickets to get in. I believe all the Dum Dum fans have already pretty much filled it up, I believe. I think it's full at this point, but who knows? Maybe they'll release a couple. Yeah, give them an email. Give them a ring.

Let them know that you want to get in, and they might be able to sneak you in. So there's all that. We've got live podcasts in Melbourne coming up that are almost sold out. Tommy, what is it? April 4th? April 4th, April 11th. Great guests for both of those. Confirmed.

Just a handful of tickets left. And then April the 25th, the huge 500th live episode in Melbourne. Scant few tickets left for that, moving very, very quickly now as it gets closer. Lots of tickets available for some solo shows, myself included. If you'd like to come and see solo,

I think mine is like April 4th through till 17 or something like that. It's 8.15 every night, except, yeah, you can come along straight after the live podcast and see it at 5.30. It's Carl Chandler in Please Call Me Carl, Mr Comedy Was My Father. Yes, and my show, Tommy Dasolo Meatball,

March 25th until April the 19th. Get in. The Cooper's in 7.30 every night. Heaps of great drawings and all of my usual little bullshit that's going on in my show. Going to be heaps of fun. littledumbdumbclub.com for tickets to all of that kind of stuff. That's it. Go to that website and find everything that's there.

There's episodes, there's merch, there's all that sort of stuff. It's an under-promoted URL, really. Yeah, it's great. Check that out. We'll see you at the end of the episode for another edition of Talking Dumb Dumb. But until then, enjoy this great new episode. Peter Hellyer and Ben Lomas. Hey, mates.

Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and with me as always is the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day dickhead. Very formal episode. We're in your house. We're up at the dining room table, a privilege that's never been extended when we pot in yours. That's right. It's usually very leisurely affair. Very fancy. We've got two very special guests. One I've seen a lot of today and one I haven't. First of all, Ben Lomas, everyone. Yes. And second of all, welcome back in, Pete Hellyer. Yes!

Now, for people at home, just before anyone says anything in really good context, I've recorded two new podcasts with Pete Hellyer this morning already. This is the third hour we've spent together. It is Valentine's Day as time of recording. I've seen my wife for about 15 minutes. And there's a glint in my eye. Hello, Chandler.

There's still rose petals kind of falling off your body as we're recording this. Are they from Pete or your wife? I have to say, Pete, the magic is fading at this point. I think we peaked when we were talking about Kate Winslet's breasts at one point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The context will come out when the podcast eventually gets released. That's the most romantic thing I've done already

today is talk about breasts with you I feel like we should all put our hands it's just what you do when you start a podcast hands in the middle and go

go podcast well most most human contact I've had on this Valentine's Day so that felt good I think I just picked up the coronavirus. I was sexually transmitted.

Oh, no. Best Valentine's ever. God, doctor's rooms at the moment would just be absolutely clogged with just, like, the crookest guys. Like, yeah, got a happy ending massage. I reckon I've caught that coronavirus. Just, like, dodokest guys. Like, yeah, got a happy ending massage. I reckon I've caught that coronavirus. Just like dodgy and racist. By the way, itching around your groin

is not any of the symptoms of coronavirus, all right? There's something else you've got wrong with you. But she sneezed on it. I've got a handjob. I was watching Parasite. I was watching Parasite. It's set at three and you're okay. I'm a film buff.

I'm not dirty. Celebrating a momentous win at the Oscars a parasite I wanted to support local businesses just because you have a parasite doesn't mean

that you're watching it alright roses are red violets are blue I love podcasting with all of you oh god did you do anything

romantic this morning it's been I've had a fucking 15 minute window you idiot did you wake up 15 minutes Oh, God. Did you do anything romantic this morning? I've had a fucking 15-minute window, you idiot. Did you wake up and you made a breakfast? Yeah, no. Man, because I was up last night watching the movie that I have to watch for Pete Hellyer's new podcast. So I've been up for 15 minutes. My wife took the baby to the hospital, not hospital, to the doctors.

So there's no, like, there was nothing. I was, like, saying, look, after I do three podcasts, maybe we can do something. And she goes, fat chance. And then we'll show the door. So the podcast, it'd be out, by the time this goes away, it'd almost be about to come out.

It's called You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet. And I get a mate to watch a movie, a classic movie that they haven't seen. Lomas, you've already done an episode. You watched E.T. Yep. You watched Titanic. Yes. Yep. You watched Titanic. Yes.

So why couldn't that have been the romantic night before Valentine's Day? You know why? Because my wife didn't want to get up at 1am in the morning when I got home from a gig. It was a three hour film. Instead she came out and yelled at me for watching it. So yeah, even less romance than you'd imagine. Yeah, wow. So, up until 4 a.m., taking down Titanic.

Up at, like, what? 6 because of the baby? 7, 7 a.m. 7. Nice little sleep in. Big day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Big day.

Done well. What have you done? You're fresh into a relationship. This is the big question. Oh, yeah. New relationship. So, we're old hands. We've had, you know, 15 to 20 Valentine's Days.

This is your first Valentine's Day with a new betrothed. You paused. The lady was a lady. I was like, child. I haven't had the privilege of meeting them yet. I have the coronavirus and I'm gay. Happy Valentine's Day. And the two are not related.

Let's just be very clear on that. They aren't mutually exclusive. But you're in a new relationship and you're in love. We can say that. We found that out. We found that out the other day. You have said I love you to your new lady. Is there a name?

No. No. She doesn't have a name. Corona. Her parents are still trying to come up with one. One of those ones. They weren't very good with names. They were really, really bad with names.

Bad stuff keeps coming up. It's like Harvey. No. Titanic. Titanic. I will be doing nothing this Valentine's Day because she's not in this city. She's in a different time zone.

She's with her other boyfriend. because she's not in this city. She's in a different time zone. She's with her other boyfriend. So I'm going to spend this Valentine's Day weekend seeing the recently released Sonic the Hedgehog movie. You decided to just pretend to be single. Yeah, exactly. Just a bit of a throwback, you know,

a bit of nostalgia for me, what it was like a few months ago. You've regressed. I've regressed. I've regressed. So did you get upset when the first Sonic the Hedgehog image came out? Were you one of those people? Did you join the anger group?

Yeah, I did think it looked pretty fucked. I'm glad they changed it. Well, I don't know, it would have been better if they'd left it. So I had Sonic the Hedgehog for everyone that's... For everyone else. For everyone that's adults out there. Who aren't film buffs. Oscars 2021, feeling good about it. For everyone that's not a man baby out there,

they put out a movie that's... There's none of them that listen. I'm talking to myself at this point. You don't listen back. You're right. I barely listen to this. So, Sonic had teeth in a preview or something. Yeah, they've made like a live action Sonic the Hedgehog movie.

Sonic is CGI. They brought out a trailer. They tried to make him look like an actual real world hedgehog and it looked really fucking disturbing. He had human teeth. People went ballistic and this looks so... You know what? He kind of did. He had a really weird like human torso.

It did look like he was meant to have just a big spiny cock. Sonic penis. But was it the teeth that really pissed people off? The teeth really freaked people out. Real human teeth. But he eats stuff. He eats all those rings. So he needs to be able to chew.

He's not eating the rings. What is he doing? They're not burger rings, you fat cock. He's going from 7-Eleven Bing, bing, bing So then the studio kind of like caved to the backlash

and sort of redesigned him to make him look more cartoony and I do think it looks better but I do wish they just kept the train wreck

horrific looking version that they'd But is it a cartoon in real life like Roger Rabbit? Is it one of those kind of movies? Yeah, kind of.

It's an animated character. What about this? Porn. I'm calling it very early so it's not quite out yet, is it? It is out now, yeah.

It came out yesterday. Alright, alright. Porno version. As they all are. Famous movie comes out. Porno version. Sonic the Hedgehog. Yeah, yeah.

That's pretty good. Pretty good. Not bad. Not bad. It's just hedgehogs. Yeah, yeah. That's pretty good. Pretty good. Not bad, not bad. It's just head jobs. Yeah, yeah. Sonic, Sonic, Sonic head jobs. Going down on the Mario Brothers.

Luigi! The ultimate 90s kid fantasy. You've got your Nintendo or you've got your Sega and never the twine shall meet until now. For DC and Marvel coming together at last. And fucking. Of course, fucking. What's the point?

Otherwise, we were chatting earlier off air, so to speak, about we think it would be a genuinely good idea to have a Legislature Larry live action comedy. Yes, right. Absolutely. I think Adam Sandler could genuinely play a pretty good

Leisure Suit Larry so that uncut gems momentum everyone's like this guy's such a great dramatic actor he's like get fucked Leisure Suit Larry

he goes all the way back to I have to get the what's the voice what's the voice you don't wow you are sleep deprived

have another go Have another go. Have another go. What does he go? I gotta have the decision. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I gotta go get the Spanish flag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, movie, is it interactive in any way

or it's just a straight adaptation? It'd have to be interactive because it's based on the original computer game. You can't... No, but, Honneth, Sound Like the Hedgehog, is it interactive? Dollar point. It's hard to No, but, honey, it sounds like the hedgehog isn't interactive. Valid point. It's hard to make movies interactive, isn't it?

What else is interactive? Yeah, you don't do that. No, don't agree with that question because you just made the point that made him bring up that question. No, but, okay, so, but, like, I can only barely remember. This isn't a game where you just...

It's not Choose Your Own Adventure. The film can't be Choose Your Own Adventure. They haven't got time to re-film and get your responses and then re-film but that's a good idea everyone's screaming at the screen don't go up the stairs

so so Leisure Suit Larry is a guy who you're a teenager and you're trying to get this guy laid in the video game

this is the closest you get to having a porno when you're 15 or whatever he's like a 40 year old virgin or whatever yeah yes

yes that's good yeah yeah perfect and then he you have to sort of control him and you're basically going around or whatever. He's like a 40-year-old virgin or whatever. Yes. The crowd could play, yes. Yes. Yeah, perfect. And then he, you have to sort of control him and you're basically going around to like, what, you finally get a girl into a hotel room or something like that and all of a sudden she says,

I only get Randy if I have a certain bottle of vodka or something like that and then you've got to go out and search for that. We talked about this on the show like two weeks ago. Is this just exclusively a Leisure Suit Larry fan podcast now? Yes. That's the only reason why I came in. Sorry, he's here under false pretenses.

I told him we weren't doing the old one anymore. Right, right. He's trying to fuck me. He's got this special mission. He's finally back at a hot girl's house. And then eventually your genitals will flash, and that's when you know you have an STD. That used to happen.

That used to happen in Legit Laris. Yes. Great. But isn't the plot... So the game is you've got a timer, right? He's got to get laid by the end of this night? I think so. By disc three, I think it was.

And isn't it something like if you get to the end of the timer and you haven't gotten laid, he kills himself? Really? I think that is. I think that... I remember reading up on it recently and being like, Jesus fucking Christ.

I don't remember Larry topping himself. Well, you were just good at the game apparently. But I remember there was a point in the game where you could jerk off a dog. Again. I don't think you said one thing right. It came with a special controller. Called Fido.

That was a real dog. That was a black market, Loads of Suit Larry, that your dad brought back from China. It was a black lab, Loads of Suit Larry. You and I have had very different childhoods, I believe, from everything you've brought up so far on this episode. There were some sequels of Loads of Suit Larry. It wasn't just the one game.

There were quite a few. A new one came out, like, I think last year. Oh, really? Yeah, they did a big revival. There's still a market in this hashtag Me Too generation. Let's Shoot Larry is still thriving. Did you ever have, growing up, I remember seeing these,

but I was a bit too young to have ever played one, the kind of choose-your-own-adventure game, but it was like a VHS and there would be stuff on the... Did you ever have any of them where it would be like... I guess you had to fast forward to a certain point. My first gaming experience was the Atari

with the cartilages. Yeah, that was my first experience. And then move on to... You said cartilage? Yeah, yeah. Cartridge. You said cartilage. You played through your knee. You had to kne? Yeah, yeah. Cartridge. You said cartilage? Cartilage, yes. You played through your knee. You had to kneel on the Atari. You're not a real gamer at all. Get out of here.

Just haven't attended. Yes. No wonder my knees are shit-ass now. And then I moved on to an Amstrad floppy disk scenario where you'd play your Legend of Street Larry police quest, hero quest, your king's quest, and those sorts of games. And then I basically decided I'm not going to be a gamer because it's chewing up too much of my time.

Right. How old were you when you realised that? Six. Probably the right age. I need time to eat fruit. I knew I could waste time because i also i love sport i love watching footy i love movies so those will take you know if i added you know gaming on top of that yeah because you spent how how many how many hours a week do you spend gaming tommy uh it kind of varies because i do a podcast about video games so most of the gaming that I do now is for that.

It's for reviewing stuff like that. Tax deductible. Yes, that's the crazy loophole. But to get back to the Sonic the Hedgehog movie, the timing of it coming out is very interesting because it's come out right before Valentine's Day. And I was talking about this with someone the other day. Do you think this is in some way linked to trying to capitalise

on the furry audience? You know furries are those people who like to dress up as animals and have sex with each other. Yes, yes. So there is, like, if you Google it, there is a community on the internet of people that are obsessed with Sonic the Hedgehog and writing, like, erotic fiction about him.

He's a big figure in the world of, like, you know, wanting to have sex with cartoon animals. That's one hell of a marketing movie. Who's brave enough to bring that up first? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyone heard of furries? Furries? So you know how people want to fuck Sonic?

No? Nah, me neither. Do you have a PowerPoint? Nah, I don't worry about the PowerPoint presentation. That's why people were upset about him having teeth. It's like, that's not going to be as good a blowjob. But do you think, I wonder, I would almost, I'd love to go to a session tonight, Valentine's like, that's not going to be as good a blowjob. But do you think, I wonder, I would almost, I'd love to go to a session tonight,

Valentine's Day, Friday night, see how many couples are there and they're dressed up, they've got their little suits ready to go, they're going to get all horned up by the Sonic movie and then just head home and just let rip on each other. In the suits. Are you following them home after the movie as well? Yeah, I'm going all the way.

My girlfriend's out of town. What else am I going to do? Except hide in the bushes outside someone's bedroom. And I know we're flip-flopping around, but I am doing my research. I do want to get back to Tommy's girlfriend, by the way. So do I. Everyone does, except for Tommy at this point. So, Ladies Suit Larry, blow me down if Ben Lomas hasn't brought up a point that is actually valid.

Now, there's a game... Dog ranking? Let's just put Larry 5, Passionate Patty, does a little undercover work, Reloaded, where it says, bestiality, Larry quickly gets horny after taking some pills, wondering about the location of a cute dog he met. He then indulges in the deed of bestiality offscreen

and goes to jail, which results in a game over. I want to be very clear on this. I clocked off before the bestiality. I was a fan of the original Least You Larry, but when he started jerking off dogs, I was out. Where Lomas, on the other hand... That's where he got in. That's how he got into it.

That's why I'm liking Michael Jackson after the allegations came out. I've never heard him before, but hang on. That's like saying, I'm a big fan of Michael Jackson. What song do you like? Songs. I thought he was a performance artist. I now remember playing it once at my friend Adam's place.

And I remember him going, do you reckon... Because you ask him questions and you make him do stuff. He goes, do you reckon, because you ask him questions and he goes and you make him do stuff. He goes, do you reckon you can jerk off the dog? And I was like, yeah. And then he did that. And I remember at the time going, this is making me feel a bit uncomfortable. Adam very quickly thrown under the bus here.

This was a solo excursion at the start of the story. I remember the first time in his podcast Chandler's cat just fucked off into another room. Very nervous. Oh, man. No, you can. There is legislature. There's another weird thing.

How many are there? There's an overly generous time limit. It is eight hours and a mid-game event will cancel. Again, restoring an earliest level restores the clock. The game doesn't even tell the player there's a time limit, so you basically need to open the source code to find out. Specifically, the game starts at 10pm,

and if the main character is still a virgin at 6am, he kills himself. I knew it! And how, though? How, does he just explode? Mate, you're the one jerking off a dog. I don't know everything. If I just jerked off a dog,

I reckon I would not kill myself as well. Yeah, exactly. Getting to not jerking off the dog and being like, I'll be able to find a woman, surely. And it's 5.58 and going, if only I'd batted off the dog. Or the dog rejects you. It's like, I'm definitely killing myself now. Wow.

I'm going to get back into gaming. This game is cooler than I thought. So Leisure Suit Larry, is it a movie adaptation or is it a... I like the idea of us doing it as a live show and people in the audience going yeah have sex with her whose dog are we using

who's got a dog yeah I could have bought a collie but I'm not it's a she we can't bring her in come on Pete it's 2020

I'm happy to do a stage production of Logistic Larry. Yeah, that is good. Instead of a, you know, he's behind you, he's behind you. There's a bit of crowd interaction like that. Oh, yeah, that's good. That's pretty good stuff. Where are the condoms?

They're behind you. They're behind you. We're sort of just inventing the $2 peeps at this point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Stripper's like, we've been doing this for years. We just didn't call it that. Yeah. But Tommy's girlfriend.

So Valentine's Day it is. It was a hard segue to make, wasn't it? It is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw your brain working. I've got nothing. We're done here. I'm the only one who's met Tommy's girlfriend.

Met's a strong word. Yeah, I rode past And yelled out Comedy That's as much of a Ben Lomas meet and greet As you can get That's all you want People who are fans of you

Would kill to have that Yes yes But Pete Very attractive Well I mean I don't see the physicality It's the person inside That I'm interested in

Ben Is that all women are to you? Don't throw me under the bus. We get it. You only jerked off hot dogs. Hot women, ugly women, actual canines. Anything can turn you on if they've got just personality. Let's go back to Tommy's girlfriend.

We get it. You're like French poodles and that's it. What does she do for a living? I don't really want to give out personal love. What kind of general, like a general? Something that is like what she does for a living. Not quite. Ooh, something that's like what she does for a living.

Interesting. Like she's an electrician. She's an electrician. The building that she works in does have electricity. So in many ways she's like an electrician She works She does Yeah The building that she works in Does have electricity So in many ways She's like an electrician I love the idea Actually she sounds hot now

She's not Amish I would love that If she was an electrician That's how you met She'd come over To fix your toaster Or something You're like

The toaster doesn't work You call an electrician She comes over and goes You know this is an absolute Waste of my fucking time Do you want to just make out while i'm here oh man i just went away for a few days and my real estate agent had to fix something in my shower and they emailed me like you won't be able to use the shower for 24 hours before or after we do this and i said well i'm actually going away for three days so why don't you do it while i'm gone and they go sure line it all up

i get home I got home late at like 1am from travelling I come in I open the door and whoever's been in my apartment fixing the shower

the TV is on like really loud so I walk in the door and like fucking freak out like I absolutely shit my little pants cut to

and I'm a very paranoid a long standing paranoid and you wear little pants and you wear little pants yeah little tiny little panties and you wear little pants. Yeah. Tiny little panties. And you're still in your Sonic Hedgehog

outfit. So then it's like 25 minutes of me walking around the apartment going, well, someone's broken in and they're here to kill me. Checking under the bed, like a four-year-old checking for boogie monsters, checking in the cupboard. But like pushing the cupboard door open, like just ready to scrap. I love the way

you accept imminent death by walking around your apartment for 25 minutes. I would have skedaddled by then. Especially skedaddled. All right, snaggle. All right, snagglepuss. Great words, skedaddled. Especially since your apartment is a one-bedroom. So you've walked around your apartment, what, 175 times at this point?

Doesn't hurt to be thorough. Checking every cupboard. Checking spaces that no human could fit in. Yeah, yeah, checking your dog's balls are empty. Fucking Lomas. Lomas has broken in. It's how Luke McGregor goes to bed every night. But did the loud TV just spook you? So I open the door and the TV's on really loudly.

So that's scary because I'm expecting to walk into a completely quiet apartment lights off tv on very loud so i don't i guess the guy who is in there has just just helped himself to you know just chuck on a bit of free-to-air while he's doing the job and then gone what were you fucking born in a tent cunt like yeah yeah yeah yeah and so did you check to see if anything was stolen uh not really, no. All for semen? Yeah. I need to get a... Had any of your semen been stolen? My big jar! I was going to drive this up to Adelaide

to the old semen factory and cash it in. Yeah, cash it. Cash it come. Five cents a load. I was going to put my kids through college. Remember when you were a kid and you used to go around and empty all the bins of cum? Yep.

Cash them in? Yep. You may have discussed this already. How did you meet? Have you discussed that on the podcast yet? We met kind of through a mutual friend. Mutual friend. Were you already friends beforehand?

No. Oh, okay. Nice. This feels like guess who. Had she read your dad's porno? Yes. No, I don't think she knows about that yet. This feels like a game of Guess Who I rooted.

Do you know any of her exes? No. Okay. Is it Wendy? Is it... Is she wearing glasses? Is it Mr. Mustard with a candlestick? There's been a candlestick a few times.

One more detail, because I know Tommy's a private person. I know we can't get too much detail out of it. In full respect, in terms of I don't give my wife's name out. I don't give my child's name out. Hey, look, if something funny happens when we're together, by all means, it'll come out. You absolutely have to do that. Oh, for sure, for sure. But I don't give my child's name out or anything like that if something funny happens when we're together by all means it'll come out you absolutely have to do that

for sure for sure but I don't want to I don't want to name out it's a good example exactly exactly well you know

it's been it's been it's been really nice like we've been together for what is it now like three three four months or so and I do think

there is something about like you know something good happens, you know, something good happens to you, you have a bit more of a positive attitude, things start to change. I got an email on the way here. I got an audition request this Monday morning. Now, a couple of episodes ago maybe you had an audition request. Yes.

That was quite an offensive one. Quite an offensive one, yeah. Lucy Larry. I wish. He's like a one. Quite an offensive one, yeah. Lucy Larry. I wish. He's like a dog. He's a dog, yeah. Not a million miles away. A character called Neckbeard who has an obsessive interest in computing and is absolutely

physically unappealing. Someone sent this to me. Really? A human being sent this to me. A casting agent went, we need someone Ugly I guess Well and I mean I said this on the episode

When I brought it up But another part of the character description Was that the character is socially inept And it's like Bit rich the person sending this to me Saying We want someone who's socially inept Amazing

I reckon that was I remember there was a stage where Hang on I'm just checking the script now How to Stay Married Season 3 Wow that's I'm sorry I told them to change that description

That was just for in house I told them never Not to go to the casting agent My bad I made a big mistake Never cast Tommy Daslow in anything Do you want to tell the story Where you had an idea Where you were going to cast me

For a show Oh that's right Yeah I was going to cast Ben in How to Say Married Series 1. Yeah. In fact, the pilot episode. Yeah. And the idea was that he was going to be someone in the office who called me big fella and my character was getting increasingly pissed off with it because we were like,

we're either the same size or, when I was singing it, before I even thought of Ben, it would be funny if it's somebody who's bigger or even like the same size and it's like, why are you fucking calling me a big fella? Yeah, you're right.

Okay. And then, I went to the start of the podcast and lost all this weight and I was like, well, it doesn't work anymore. Great.

I was trying to find a call. I was like, oh, I can wear a fat suit. Yeah, yeah. When a sumo says, it doesn't look real. It was brutal. I was like, oh, yeah. One of those sumo sets. It's not real. It doesn't look real.

It was brutal. Like, oh, yeah. Everybody would be like, yeah, you're looking good. Oh, I don't think you'll get the role anymore. So we recast it as a wonderful actress, Sally Ann Upton. And she is so funny. She was so funny. So funny in the role. And then we put her in series two.

Oh, yes. Wow. Well, it could be worse, Ben. She was so funny. So funny in the role. And then we put her in series two because... Oh, yes. Wow. Well, it could be worse, Ben. You could be cast in a Pete Hellyer show and then left on the cutting room floor. Oh, yes. Which Tommy Daslow definitely was.

Was that It's a Date? It's a Date. I was playing the role of Jason Mraz fan. Jason Mraz fan. I mean, when your character doesn't have a first name, you go into it going, if anything's been cut for time, I am going to be the first body on the battlefield.

Were you on screen, though, at all? His name was like on screen. I went and filmed it. I love that. He was cut and he wasn't on screen. A double whammy. He's behind the camera doing his line. Yeah, we got rid of that camera. We got rid of all the angles

of that camera film just to make sure he wasn't part of any of the show. Pete, I brought you coffee every day, man. Come on. Why do I have to dress up in character?

The episode was Laurence Mooney and Celia Bacol playing the characters of The Pig and I forget Celia's character's name, but she was the

producer of the Thunder FM Breakfast Show. Twotsie and The Pig. And I forget Celia's character's name, but she was the producer of the Thunder FM breakfast show, Twotsie and the Pig. And I had a competition to get – we were on a date with Celia. They were doing that kind of FM radio thing where they had nothing to talk about. I said, let's get Celia, single Celia. Cynthia was her name, actually.

Cynthia. Single Cynthia. Cynthia in the city. And so people came in and you were just, were you there for the Jason Mraz tickets? I think I was trying to win Jason Mraz tickets, yeah. So I'm dressed like a complete cunt. And someone on set's idea was,

how do we make him look like a real big Jason Mraz fan? And I think I had like a fedora. I was trying to dress like Jason Mraz. And then someone goes, Holding two avocados. Someone goes, how can we make him look like more of a Jason Mraz fan then someone goes holding two avocados someone goes how can we make him look like more of a Jason Mraz fan

and the idea was get a big texter out and write Mraz on his forehead oh great took fucking hours to get off

wow one runner looking around is this permanent who cares the idea would have been what you've done not

you would have done that day to day but how do you prove that you are Jason you know because people who enter radio competitions and particularly

go to the studio are fucking nuts so that was it but why are we why was I cut out I remember that episode because that was ended up being a date

between Celia and Matt O'Kine and that was a long one we did have to like we did have to really reign that one in but you we did still have the scene where three people

had rocked up. No, I was out of it. I was out of it altogether. So you went on screen, but we cut your lines. You're actually all out of it. Completely gone. No evidence that I was ever there. Well, another podcaster, Steel Saunders, had an

experience on It's A Date as well where he remained in the episode, but he was not credited in the credits. Because that would have gone down well with him, wouldn't it? Yeah, he got over it really quickly and never mentioned it on his podcast at all. I can't really throw stones there. He means you're still available to be in a... Well, that series is done now, so the point's mute, I guess. Just that great feeling, though, where, you know,

still got paid for the day's work. Not on screen, but still a bit of bunts in the skyrocket. That means you didn't get typecast. That's something good. That's what I was worried about. I was actually protecting you, Tommy. And do I get thanked? That's what I was worried about.

I was actually protecting you, Tommy. And do I get thanked? He could have been like the Dean Cain of Jason Mraz fans. Everyone's going, Superman this, Superman that. Big Jason Mraz fan. They're making so many more movies in Australia now. They'll be like, Hemsworth needs somebody. Where's Tommy Dasol? No, he's a Maratz guy.

We need someone who hates Jason Mraz, and there's no way he's believable in that role. Yeah, I was a Jason Mraz fan back in the day. I didn't know, but I was going deep method. Right. So you've got a request for an audition. Got a request for it. Back in 2020, which is going to be our year.

Yeah, back in 2020, I've got a request for an audition. And like I said, the previous experience, the last thing I got asked to audition for, neck beard, pretty offensive. But trying to be more positive, put a positive attitude out into the world. This one, I have been asked to audition for an underwear commercial. Oh! Yes! Yeah!

F45 is paid off! Yeah, right. And, Mike, I mean, you know, you audition for ads, you go in, you're like, whatever. So, let's rule this out to start with. You're not man behind bush looking at woman in lingerie. Man behind camera in underpants. No, I believe I would be in a locker room in my jocks. In your jocks.

And we can't say the name of the brand. But you could be the new Pat Rafter. Well, what's in your jocks might be a bit shaken, not stirred. But that's big money. That's big money. Yeah, it's decent money. So you go into audition for ads, you've got to be a little detached. You've got to just go, I've got to show up.

They want to look, whatever. You can't buy into it too much. But this one, the money would be nice. But just the fucking humour appeal of me being in an underwear commercial oh it's too good can you sneak if you get the role can you sneak a little stiffy in for us a little shout out a little like salute to somebody on camera it's just for them a little wink just a little there's a subtle half a mongrel he walks in he goes thanks everyone i'm so excited to get this role

it's like we can see that if I'd have done that on It's A Date would I have been left in the cut just hell yeah in the edit suite like I can't

like look at him look how much he's loving this role he loves Mraz more than anyone if the text didn't show it that half mongrel where it leaves

the audience guessing it's like does he have a stiffy or is he just big I'm going to watch it again I'm going to watch it again yeah yeah it's good because it's understated

it's not Mese on your forehead. It's an understated boner. And people talk about it. Yeah. Have you seen a new X underwear commercial? It's very, yeah, they're popular. They're spreading it around. Maybe it would be like,

maybe if it was like a new form of underwear that conceals the erection, if you get one in public, right? So it's like me in a locker room. I'm barred up and everyone can see it. Just bursting out. Guy next to me, I'm a wreck too. You wouldn't know it, would you?

Right, that's great. They're like clogs but undies. So I don't know, guys. I need all the positive vibes you can put out into the world. Can you ask, are you allowed to bring people along to watch your audition? And I'm available. I get stage fright,

and I need the fellas to come along with me. Yeah, I get the opposite of stage fright. I can't be in my underwear unless there's a lot of people there watching. Right. But how do you feel about that? Like, what if you get the ad just being on national television

and just your underpants? Well, you'd have your head showing or not? It's not Crime Stoppers. Head of what? But, I mean, sometimes you wouldn't, you know, there'd be a role where you just see there. I mean, in underwear printed ads, in catalogues, you don't always see the head of everything. But surely if it's the brand I'm thinking of,

it's like it's usually, they're quite, you know, highly produced commercials. They might be a bit of, you know. Do you know what the ad is? Do you have a script or? I've got like a vague, they haven't sent a script, but they've given a vague rundown

of the sort of things. And you certainly will be in your undies. Yes. Yeah. You're one of the guys. Face would be seen. With lines? I believe with lines.

Nice. Yeah. Are you sure this is an underwear commercial or is the audition the back of a warehouse? The audition is taking place in a secret location in St Kilda Beach. Deliver your lines into a little hole in the wall and we'll be giving our feedback immediately

through the other side. It has to be anonymous so that it's fair. So that it's fair. A lot of people say, I'm not just blowing smoke up your ass, but we may actually do that at one point. Well, yeah, I really want you guys to, you know, two out of the three of you are pretty positive people.

Really want you to put some positive... I'm becoming a lot more positive after this story. I think you're going to smash it. What about this? If I get this role and I get this money, the four of us, dinner at Rockpool on me. How about that? That's amazing. Absolutely.

Someone's watched Uncut Gems and it's really rubbed off on him. Yeah, we'll have a trifecta as well. Okay, I get it, but then I get it edited out. That's part two. Celtics winning into Lewis Hamilton winning the Grand Prix and Tommy fucking up his audition. Tommy getting half a mongrel. Tommy going full mongrel in the audition.

And the head of his penis popping out with Moraes written on it. He's lifted. He's lifted up. The positive vibes are out. Well, that is great because hopefully that's somehow due to your remarkable

weight loss as well. You've toned right up. Yes, you have. See, this is the problem is that I don't think I haven't been into this casting agent in quite a while. So I'm wondering,

is maybe the vibe of this ad like, let's just get some real chunky boys in. Because I don't think I've been into this. Okay, so what happens? Okay, you go in and they say, oh, you've lost some weight. We want you for the role, but we want you to put on the weight.

And then you go with the low muscle. I can put a fat suit on in your news. You've obviously worked hard to be in the condition you are. You can absolutely, that's great, fantastic. How much do I have to put on

for the role? Can you De Niro this underwear commercial? Would you go full De Niro for this commercial? A little less raging bull, a little more raging hard on. Exactly.

How much have you lost? Since I started going to F45 I don't know probably like 15 15 they're asking you to put 15 back on I've got to put 15 back on

and it's filming start of March so that's a that's a fucking hectic turnaround but they're paying you enough money that you can

completely dedicate not complaining but that would be a pretty remarkable schedule to have to adhere to. Yeah, that's me. They're willing to push it back another two weeks.

Well, that's boring. What's the fun in that? Pasta for breakfast. Yeah. Ice cream for lunch. Donuts for snacks. Yeah, would I do it? Knowing that it could be hard, even harder to get it off after that.

But it's like I'm guaranteed to get it if I do that. Yes, you're guaranteed. Doing that and then it's like, I'm guaranteed to get it if I do that. Yes, you're guaranteed. Doing that and then it's still like not certain. That's so brutal. You get the roll. Oh, fuck. I mean... 20 grand?

Would you do it for 20 grand? Yeah, I would do it. You'd do it for 20 grand? I would do it, yeah. Yeah. God, you're in trouble. Because that's a lot of fun to put that weight on. It'd be fun to put it on.

At least maybe you know. I mean, you've taken it off, so you know you can do it. I know I can do it, yeah. And I didn't have to be like super strict with myself or anything when I started going to F45. So I could do it. It would be a pain in the ass.

But yeah, I think I'd do it. God, I hope the casting agent isn't listening to this. Well, see, because I'm down to the final two But not an underwear commercial But caravan accessories Oh nice Nice Nice

So I went to the audition And everyone in the audition Was just dressed up as tradies And I forgot to read I forgot to read this casting script So I was like dressed up as tradie And I was just wearing black jeans And a black jumper

And I was like I don't have a chance in hell And they called up And were like casting scripts. It was like dressed up as Trady and I was just wearing black jeans and a black jumper and I was like, I don't have a chance in hell and they called up and were like, we really like the way you took the role and didn't go stereotype with all the,

okay, so we really think you're a good fit for our brand. Can you hold the shoe, Tate? Because we think Trady's are idiots that can't read properly. And we've been followed up with,

and you seem like you have a real passion for caravans. I really thought when you jerked off the dog it was a bit weird. It was a brave move. Well, it's not really the act of someone who owns a house, is it? It's more someone who needs to move from town to town and leave no trace. Yeah.

So, yeah. So you're down to the final two. Yeah. Three. There's three of us. And if you get it, we're all going to Taco Bell. Right. Excellent.

Yeah, and the tacos are on me. But yeah, I mean, it would be so funny to just be front and centre in my jocks. Absolutely. It's really good. Absolutely. And you have to wear your jocks to Rockpool. And you... We can just be dressed as we want.

Hey, we've been in there with Milan going absolutely crazy before. I think they'd turn a blind eye. Exactly. Jocks would be a nice step down. We've had many tables moved away from us because of verbal garbage we've been spewing out. I think someone in their jocks has no problem. Because it's all under the table.

It's fine. What about this? You get it, right? You get the role. There's some way. There's no way we can't make this happen. It's for a prominent brand we get an in-store appearance from the guy from the underwear ad and you get to be in a shop window as like a living mannequin oh not bad yeah this is good

there is we could promise heaps of listeners to come along and buy the underwear if that happened easily there is an outlet for this brand not that far from my house. There's an outlet for that brand not far from my house as well. So we could just go in and go, hey, guys, look, free publicity. I'll stand in the window on a Saturday morning. When I just said that, I just realised we live close to each other. It's the same store. We're thinking of...

That wasn't a coincidence. Is there one between us? Oh, no, I'm thinking of a different one. Pete, just to go back to your hypothetical, I would do it. I'd put the weight on, but I would say to them, this would be my condition. I'll do it.

But if I'm putting the weight on for you in the body department, I want you to allow me, spinal tap style, a bit of accessorizing in the underpants. You know what I'm saying? It's like, if I'm going to do this for you, if that's that important for the look of the brand, I've got to protect my own brand. You know what I'm saying?

Whether it's post-production. I feel so sorry for that runner already. Just going out, which pair of socks would you like to use? A bigger zucchini, you fucking idiot. Get out of here. That'd be great. You rock up on this wholesome brand set and you're like,

so where's my fluffer? I've brought my own dildos to stuff down my underpants, guys. And then they're like, you're putting it down the wrong end. I know, but that's what gets me hard. I'm trying to relax. I'm stressed about all these people being around. And retake after retake. Cut.

We haven't started filming. Why do you keep shoving them down there? All right. Well, I'm feeling good. I'm feeling positive. You should feel good. We're putting very positive feelings out into the universe for you. I think we're a chance of maybe doing a podcast around the time that I'm meant to potentially be in there.

So it'll be interesting to work in. Great, great. But hey, again, you know, if it's meant to be, it'll be. Ask the universe and you will receive.

Yep. Well, you know, you're in good shape, Tommy. Sorry, Waleed. I've got to go get my cock out. I'll leave that one free. That's why I was getting his cock out. He wanted to give us some air.

You're in good shape. Have you had much... I mean, that may not be feedback. As you said, that might not be direct feedback of losing all that weight. You do have a new girlfriend, so maybe that's feedback from losing all this weight. From the universe.

Yeah, well, from physically losing 15 kilos. It's not going to scare people off, surely. Doesn't hurt. Yeah, it doesn't hurt, exactly. Have you had much? Like, I feel like I've been with you a lot of times where people have come up and gone, oh, wow, you know, like Pete today.

He was like, I haven't seen you for a while. You're looking really good. Or, sorry to hear about the leukemia, or whatever's possible. Pete did do the classic, like the classic one-two, which is you're looking great, I've got to ask. He's everything. You almost, that should be,

I bet there's like a novelty shirt on the net that's like, I'm thin because I have cancer. Just for when people come up. Yeah, you look like you either have just got a new girlfriend or you've just lost one. And this is what's happened. You're not taking it well. I thought, oh, there's a Make-A-Wish kid joining us for the podcast.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. But if it's like, I'm thin, I don't have cancer, it'd have to be a giant T-shirt. So do you know what I mean? Oh, right. Like I've lost it quickly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because when I lost the 20 kilos, no one ever said that because I probably have more to lose. But that's the thing where it's like with you, unless you start going really gaunt in the face, then people will be like, oh. Yeah, like what you've done, you've gone past probably what you needed to do. Yeah.

Like you are genuinely very thin. You're thin. That's really interesting. You're a thin person. Yeah, yeah. Interesting. Do you have any skin? I'm not a dog Ben I'm a human being

My person's not circumcised I'm not sure about No do you have any Like loose skin From losing all that weight Or is it Okay that's pretty good Because a lot of people

A lot of people do They lose a lot of weight Doesn't your Podcasting crime Yes Adil has a bit of A bit well a bit, but no, he has a fair bit of skin left over. Well, I just wonder about the feedback that you've been getting because I certainly is not noticeable anywhere near you, but I've lost a couple of kilos because since the start of the year, I said, right, no grog, no alcohol and no bread.

And so I did that up till now. We've said it's Valentine's's day so it's one and a half months in so i know i've also been doing the intermittent fasting so i've been you know getting up not eating until like say 12 midday and then curbing my eating at about six yep so i kind of figure you don't look at yourself every day i kind of think oh i feel like i'm a little bit fitter and uh that sort of thing i've been doing a lot of exercise and stuff but i feel like i haven't lost a lot of weight. It's just been about normal.

You don't notice it yourself. But then over the last week, I've been noticing a bit of feedback because then in the last week, I've had three people say to me, I've had one person say, oh, you're looking good. And you go, oh, okay, thank you.

It's nice, whatever. And I said, I don't really notice it myself. They're like, oh, no, you look like you've lost a lot of weight. I'm like said i don't really notice it myself they're like oh no you look like you've lost a lot of weight i'm like i don't really notice that and they and they've gone you look you look um and they look down and they go you look flatter i'm like okay i know i i see what you're trying to do there okay all right that's interesting you look flatter you've lost a dimension yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah. You look 2D. So then I got, I hadn't seen my parents since Christmas time, so they came down on the weekend. And my mum is

the nicest person of all time, would never say anything nasty about anyone, especially me. Is she your mum? I know. I know. I know, I know, I know. I don't know what happened. So she goes, she goes, oh, you're looking good. You're looking better.

And I was like, oh, really, Mum? And she's like, yeah, yeah, you're looking better. And I was like, really? And she goes, yeah, you're looking better, especially around the middle section. I'm like, wow, there's two people really dancing around this at the moment. And then the other night, I had a fight with my wife. section i'm like wow there's there's two people really dancing around this at the moment yeah and then the other night i had a fight with my wife and at some stage within the fight it got to a

bit where i said well look i'm supporting you you know you're doing a lot of exercise and you're doing a lot of you know she's going to the gym a lot and i and i'm going to i'm looking after the kid i'm going look i'm supporting you you're doing that and i'm even eating the same time as you i'm going to the same gym as you i'm trying to keep up the same sort of thing. And she goes, well, you should thank me because you lost your fucking gut. Wow. All right, now we've got to the brass tacks of it. Now we've got to it.

Finally, enough dancing. Let's get in and just get physical. Okay, all right. Okay, right. Now I get it. Now that's what everyone's talking about. Are you arguing with your partner? Because I had that once where I was like, I quit booze.

And then we got, and it's like been a year. And I was going, you know, and I made all these changes, you know, and I'm drinking less. And she goes, well, we realised the alcohol didn't make you a fucking arsehole. Your wife Chandler is like a weird one to bring up in an argument. Because that's, you know, it's like, yeah, you've worked out what she thought before. But it's not the case anymore. So it's like a weird thing to say to someone in an argument of like, yeah, you've worked out what she thought before, but it's not the case anymore. So it's like a weird thing to say to someone in an argument of like, yeah, well, guess what? You're a little

bit better than you were a while ago. Well, I think she was more like, I was trying to put it up like on the Salvation Army. Look at what I've done for you. And it's like, well, you've helped yourself more than anyone. Like, I don't give a fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, right. I didn't think you had a gut though. How long? Well, there's three. There's three witnesses.

What do I know? There's three witnesses. I think I've had to describe you know what this is another very good example i a couple years ago when i did my stand-up show where i had a a heckler every night where i had a for one of a better way i don't think pete did you ever do it i don't think you ever did it no um we had a a guest every night where they would come in and sort of not ruin my jokes but it was more of a someone to talk to, and if a joke went bad, they'd fucking give it to me and stuff like that. One night... It was great.

It was... You missed out, Pete. Yeah, yeah. It was really enjoyable. It was a lot of fun. I'm okay, guys. I have other things going on in my life. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, Pete, you missed out. Oh, my God. Man, you could have been in this room with 35 people hanging shit on a broken mic. I got asked when I was busy in the edit suite that night. Man, you could have been in this room with 35 people hanging shit on an open mic. I've got to ask, but I was busy in the edit suite that night cutting out a real little wharf on my show. Guys, I need to stop production. I've got to go heckle.

Yeah, I was insulting another open mic, but not letting him in my TV show. So there was a night where I think coming up to that festival, I think I'd done the same thing. Maybe I'd lost about three or four kilos. And so I'd come on, I'd come on stage, and my heckler was Mike Goldstein that night. And so he went to say something like, you know,

I was like going to do jokes, and he goes, that's a bit rich coming from someone who looks like a snake that's eaten a huge fucking wombat, meaning like a thin person with a gut. But the thing is is i'd lost weight so he'd pre-loaded that joke from weeks before we're right we booked the gig and so he does that and everyone just looks at me up and down and goes no i don't get that one we'd bang him actually my point being i think i'm a person that doesn't put weight on in the legs or the arms area or anything like that,

but everything goes straight to the gut. Yeah, interesting. Giving up alcohol, surely, is... That's the big... I reckon that's the best. I think more for me, it's been the not just... I'm a big one for bread. Bread, and I've talked about this on the show years ago, but bread's a big one for me because I just go,

if I don't eat bread, that means I don't just get a burger, I don't get pizza, I don't get, if I get a pizza, I'll eat a full fucking large pizza. Yeah, especially that place around from Euro,

there's like that amazing pizza place. Yes. The Slice? Yeah. By the Slice, yeah. You start with one and then before you know it, you've had five.

Five pizzas. Five. But it's like, if you're on bread, then you're not eating that. Exactly, and I'm not eating burgers I'm not eating it's all that sort of stuff

where I go I have to find a better alternative so bread cuts so much of that stuff out for me I think that's the killer thing for me definitely because when I stopped drinking

I lost a lot of weight but then I realised it was because I was eating all like the five kebabs afterwards like all that kind of stuff after the kick yes

exactly exactly so I don't think the drinking so much because I've been on the vodka sodas for a long time the five kebabs afterwards like all that kind of stuff after the kick yes exactly exactly so I've I don't think they're drinking so much because I've been on the vodka sodas for a long time so I can't really but you've got to be really careful with

because I went through that phase it's like hey it's fine it's okay I've had five pints with triple vodka sodas I'm great yes

because they're a secret killer because for me that's I think I'm being healthy so I'm like you know what literally what I was doing was I'll stop eating late night, I'll eat dinner at six, and then I'll just get onto the vodka sodas.

No beers, no carbs. Easy. But then because they creep up in you so bad, I was having 10 in a row. These are like water. And then being out of my mind and then going, I wouldn't mind two family pizzas actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I remember once I – What a white girl. It's so good. I was 10 deep and I didn't even realise how drunk I was. I was like, yeah, I'm drinking the same drink as AFL players. Yeah, just before they expose themselves at Crown Casino. Well, Ben, I meant to do this at the top of the show. People might be listening to this because they're fans of Pete.

They watch the project. They've seen Pete's name come up. You know, maybe you could chuck us a retweet. Every little bit helps. But there might be people listening who haven't heard of Ben before. Yes, yes.

You know, people know Pete. People may not be as familiar with you, Ben. Yes. So I thought to give people a bit of context. I should have done this at the start. I can just re-edit it into the start.

I thought I'd, I've got a bit of a bio about you from the internet, just to give people a bit of context about... I know exactly where this is fucking going. Here we go. Okay, here we go. It was while working at a backpackers hostel that pushed Ben Lomas into taking the plunge

as a stand-up comedian. Before you continue... You're not a stand-up comedian? There we go. We'll just shut it out. While working as a barman at the hostel, Ben became so fed up with the comedian's flat gags on unrelated topics, he began heckling and was invited onto the stage to take over.

Yes. We swapped roles and I went up there, and not that I had anything prepared, but I knew everyone, Ben says. I knew who was sleeping with who, whose parents were supporting their whole trip, so it became a roast about them. So that became my first ever gig. Understandably, Ben killed it, and he hasn't stopped telling jokes since.

Wow. Just a bit of context. A bit of context for who Ben Lomas is. It's like a movie moment, isn't it? No, movie. So I... A bit of an arsehole. Really.

The world's worst barman. Who was the comedian on stage, by the way? The comedian was this... He used to be this character. I forget his name. Tim something or other. He had long hair and he did heaps of... He only did fringe festival shows.

So when I was working At the hostel He would come down Needed a venue Yes I know who you're talking about He needed a venue Right

So I was working Behind the bar at the hostel And the hostel was closed Off to the public So good idea to do A fringe festival show In a bar Where no one can go down

Oh So only Backpackers can go Who don't even have Australian currency on them Exactly So every night He'd come down and he would do his show And so I'd go around the back and go

Hey guys, we've got a comedian, I'm part of the Fringe Festival I even already, back then before I'd even started doing comedy I was like, he's a bit out there And then he'd come down and he'd do characters, right? And he'd do characters And I remember one was a priest But then he'd also do characters, right? And he'd do characters, and I remember one was a priest, but then he'd also do characters of state politicians.

State politicians who were currently in government and I'm just like, one night, I'd see this every night, and it would die. It would die. Well, he's doing it to what, 18-year-old Danish backpackers? Yeah, and like, tough sort of Irish. Doing his best Joan Carnegie.

Like, yeah. Someone made Like So every night Polka dots am I right So every Every night He would do that

And like So he'd have 20 backpackers 10 backpackers Every night I was like Just make one Like just make one

Characterable relatable They don't know I remember saying to him I was like They don't know Drop the bit where you say What's the deal with The cuts to education And so them, I was like, they don't know. Drop the bit where you say, what's the deal with the cuts to education?

And so one night, I was behind the bar and I was getting pissed and I was just like, and I got really drunk. I was like, I have heard this show like 10 times. And so I just started heckling. I was like, you are shit.

I was like, no one knows. Good heckle. Classic. I was like, no one knows. He goes, oh, if you think you can do better, get on up. And so then I was like, well knows He goes If you think you can do You know Do better Get on up And so then I was like

Well I knew one backpacker Who I kind of became friends with So I trusted him behind the till So he went behind the till And then I went up on stage I didn't have any material I thought you were probably The guy paying this guy to be here

Yeah You're the employee You're shit And then When I went on stage, I was like, I don't have anything. But I knew because the backhands would come down every night. I knew who was sleeping with who. I knew who was cheating on who. I knew the guy who was selling all the drugs.

So it just turned into that. I was like, I knew that he was behind in their rent and they weren't going to get their passport back until they paid. So it just turned into a roast. Can you give us a bit of that gear now? What did I say to one guy? I said, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I said, there was a couple up front.

I was like, I said, this is pretty harsh. I said, hey, you guys together? They were like, yeah, yeah. I was like, she slept with half this bar. And I remember she went, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And he just went, oh, no. That's good stuff. Did that get a good response?

Yeah, it got a good response. He now does it at every gig. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the only Netflix special. So I did that and then, yeah, and I think I got fired. No, because I got fired from this bar so many times because the bar manager, they'd get a different bar manager in. And because I was at uni, the bar manager would come in and do something fucked.

Like one night they caught the bar manager stealing stuff. And then, and then, yeah, every time the bar manager got fired, I got hired again. And so I think with this one, I don't know. I think because I let a backpacker behind the bar, I think they docked two weeks pay or something. But I remember that was my first time I ever got on stage and then didn't go on stage until like a year later until I was in Amsterdam. And that was my first gig in Amsterdam.

Back in a hostel again, you just like film the magic. Comedy Club, over mic gig, over mic. I remember it, first gig i got up i was like hey half dutch half australian this is gonna go well and i opened with a clog joke perfect and the whole audience went oh no i was doing all these bikes i had nothing and I was like oh never again that's great because that's like

someone coming here and going I'm going to kill what's the deal we're sitting in a kangaroo's pouch have seen that done a few times I have to say

were you performing in English yeah so it was so it was like it was like me and another Canadian guy and the rest were all Dutchies

so they introduced me and do you know the club Dutch Evans Dutchies. So they introduced me. Do you know the Clogs? That's Chavins? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They just call them Chavins. I remember, but it wasn't even a joke. It was something along the lines of, how hard is it to run in Clogs?

Oh, no. It was something along the lines of that. Do you get blisters or something? Oh, my God. No, you get splinters. Boom, that. Like, do you get blisters or something? Oh, my God. No, you get splinters. Boom. Boom. Should have had you there.

Get back there. Get back there. I'll punch it up. But all I remember is... Wow, you're better at comedy than Ben Lomax when he first started. What a medal. Reprint your posters. I remember because I remember there was like a slight groan,

but I remember the lady to my left because she just dipped her head and just shook it. Great. When you said you were half Australian, half Dutch, was there any warmth to that idea? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you had the warmth and then you had the support and then you fucked it. Yeah, totally.

Because I did like a couple of jokes and that kind of went away and then as soon as I went hardcore hack, which was already hardcore hack, they just went, nah. Do you do that? Because that's the classic hack setup line. I'm half Australian, half Italian. That means I would cook a pasta, but I can't be fucked.

You do any of that? You do any of that? What would that be? What's half Dutch, half Australian? What would that be? I would smoke weed, but I can't be fucked. Yeah, yeah, great, great, great. Oh, we're a bad country. but I can't be fat. Yeah, yeah, great, great, great. We're a bad country.

But I can't be fat. No identity whatsoever. I'm 100% Australian. I can't be fat. Or I'm too drunk. You guys legalized euthanasia? I wish I was dead. Well, that brings us to the end of another episode of Little Dum Dum Club.

Peter Helly, Ben Lomas, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you. Pete, you've got a stand-up show coming up around the country. Loopy is on its way, depending on when this gets out. Melbourne Comedy Festival, Adelaide Fringe, Brisbane Comedy Festival. I probably would have done New South Wales by the time this comes out. Perth and Wollongong and Canberra will be on sale soon. And you've got two podcasts coming out.

Two podcasts. So I think the one we're going to release first is You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet. And it's about friends and interesting people who have not seen a famous movie. So like I said, Ben, you did E.T. Yep. Carl, you did Titanic. Luke McGregor hasn't seen The Godfather. Judith Lizzie hasn't seen The Sound of Music.

Gleeson, The Lion King. So on and so forth. And it's a lot of fun. It's a movie-based podcast. And there's another one which I'll just keep to myself. That's it. But it was fun. We just did one.

We did a pilot episode. Yeah, it was the very first episode. So we're going to see how we're going to do it. It was good fun. It was good fun. So next time I'm on I'll come to promote I think people who

like this show would very much like that show that you're not going to title because it's something in your wheelhouse

it's a deep dive into comedy nerd oh this sounds like up in my wheelhouse so you guys will have to come

on that one as well so well yes that's all and How Does They Marry will be out

mid year so I'll come back and keep an eye for that it's going to be a great series because behind the camera to come on that one as well. So, well, yes. That's all that. And How Does They Marry? will be out mid-year. So I'll come back. And keep an eye for that. It's going to be a great series because behind the camera is Tommy Dastley. This time, he's a different role.

He's a Bruno Mars fan. Yeah. Yeah. Check out my podcast, Fitbit, with our friend of the show, Dilruk Jai, a singer. And also my show,

Love Handles. That's a comedy festival. Comedy festival. So come check it out. 12 shows from the 6th till the 19th. singer and also my show Love Handles. That's a comedy festival. Comedy festival. So come check it out. 12 shows from the 6th till the 19th. That's just in Melbourne. Just in Melbourne. I just cancelled the rest of my tour. Too busy with Melbourne. So come check it out. 12 shows.

I would love to see some Dumb Dumb fans there. Blowmass streets of Melbourne like Celine Dion streets of Vegas. A residency. Exactly. Lomas treats Melbourne like Celine Dion treats Vegas. Right, right. A residency. Right, right, right. Exactly. Quick plug for something that the two of you are involved in, a little collab.

Go onto Pete's Instagram and watch the clip of him talking about having interviewed Lizzo on the project and saying, Lizzo fat shamed him. And then in the background, very loud audible laughter from Ben Lomas just absolutely losing his fucking mind and pulling focus. It was very funny. It was. It didn't happen during the Lizzo interview. We interviewed Lizzo who's

fantastic and was like it kind of went viral and it was a great interview. And then Carrie wasn't on that show so she happened to mention when she came back a week or so later. I love the Lizzo interview and I I thought it, because in the Lizzo interview, she was going to teach me how to twerk, and then she's looking at me going,

I don't think you should twerk. So I mentioned to Carrie at the point, I said, I'm not quite sure, but I think I was fat shamed by Lizzo. And then in the background, very loudly, you hear Lomas. Yeah! fashion model is I and then in the background very loudly you hear

Lomas yeah it's quite funny because sometimes I work on a lot of shows I think there was one day where I was like someone

heard me in the background of the project then the front bar and then Sean McAuliffe Ninja Warrior alright we better leave it there guys

thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time see you next time. See you, Mames. Comedy. And they've done it again. My God, they have. Bit of a...

Here's a peek. Well, I guess people will know this because we do timestamp it within the episode. Real blast from the past for you and I. Bit of a time capsule episode. How did we timestamp it? We talked about the day of the calendar that we were recording on. Oh, did we? Right, yeah.

We did this. This is basically a month old. Oh, really? We put it out, yeah. We recorded it on Valentine's Day. Oh, fuck. And it's, what is it, March 11 when this goes out. Oh, wow.

So, yeah, it's been sitting on the boil for a little while. It has been sitting there because of the absolute topicality of me going to England and all that sort of stuff. So we had a red hot beautiful little episode up our sleeves that we couldn't wait, but we did wait. I think it was already in the chain. It was already a preloaded one to begin with and then

other stuff came up. And another thing you can tell timestamps this episode is that I believe there's a mini coronavirus riff in there. Oh, right. Back in the good old days when it seemed kind of quaint and funny. Right. I think when we recorded this, there weren't yet any official cases in Australia at that point.

Right. And boy, doesn't that seem like a bygone era? Great. Any Y2K gags in there? How long ago was this episode ago? God, knowing us, probably. I mean, we did talk about Leisure Suit Larry, which again, timestamps it at about

1983. Oh, great. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, great fun. Great fun, this episode. Did we mention whether we'd done it again? Because I can't remember it's been that far back now. Did we? Oh, well, so I'm happy to say that we've done it again. Okay. Well, I'll trust you.

I'll trust you. Now, as the cubs cub sport reporter uh i would have to i would have to go to to the video referee i'd have to go to var to uh see if uh how big you're at the sports desk and you're reporting about a game that happened a month ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually can't remember the result, Pete. Let me just think back. I'm more the print reporter now, I think. Yeah, okay, right, right, right. It's been a few days.

It happened over the other side of the world. Yep. Look, I'm going to have to go to the video referee. You listened to this. You were editing this today, I presume. Yeah. So I'm going to have to defer to your reporting. Now, did Bernie kick a big one?

Oh, you're entrusting this to me. I know. You've only been in command of this segment for about four weeks. You're already passing the buck. Well, look, I wouldn't like to say to the listeners that I had overwhelming belief in myself when it's been that long since I saw the kick. Yeah, sure. Okay. Was it a big one?

My memory. My memory is. And you know what? Like, that's the thing. It's like old fisherman stories. It's like, oh, the fish I caught was fucking six foot big. You know, in reality, it was probably one foot, you know? Yeah, yeah.

Or it's a bit like this podcast is like the playground at your primary school. Yes, yes. It felt great and awesome at the time. But who knows, you're an adult now. Maybe you'd look back on it and be like, this coronavirus shit isn't funny at all. Yeah, exactly. So, look, I felt like Bernie kicked one over the wheat silos. But, you know, that's me looking at it with rose-colored glasses all those weeks ago. Yeah, I mean, look, as is frequently discussed on the show,

I don't know a lot about sports. I know barely anything about sports. I do enjoy partaking. I enjoy spectating from time to time. But I'm really out of my element here. Yeah, look, I know you don't know much about sports, and I know it is pretty technical to figure out if something's been kicked big or not. Yes, yes.

Who this Bernie guy is. Did he kick it or did he? But look, now, I don't want the haters to come after me. I don't, oh, fake fan. He doesn't know what he's talking about. But in my humble estimation, and I know that that's not saying much because I don't know shit from Clay in this department, but yes, they have kicked a big one.

All right, great. We'll let that go into the record books. Kicked a big one, asterisk. Yeah. Because it's like sort of a little bit of TBC. Like from your viewpoint, kicked a big one. From my viewpoint, think so as well. Yeah.

Happy to hear the reviews. And look, even though we have played our hand here, I felt like we had to have full i mean because we say in the episode we timestamp when the episode was recorded so we had to have full transparency but let's dip back into a bit of the theater of radio guys keep your fingers crossed keep me in your prayers for this audition that i have oh underwear commercial oh it's it hasn't happened yet right In the world of the theatre of radio. Right.

So, guys, I really need your thoughts and prayers. Right. I really need you guys out there just putting all the positive energy into the universe that you possibly can. Okay, great. I forgot that that's what we talked about. Right. Okay. It's good to have a thread we started a month ago and then I have no thought of it after that.

Oh, I've been thinking about it quite a lot. Yeah, yeah. It's dominated my life for a little while. Okay, great. Well, I look forward to hearing about it in Adelaide, I guess, maybe. Why would you hear about it in Adelaide? Well, backstage in between our solo shows. Yeah, the next time we're going to see each other.

Yes, we will be in Adelaide this weekend doing our solo shows back to back and then Brisbane the following day. Big, big live podcast. Yes. And our solo shows. Great guests confirmed. Big old weekend for us. And then, yeah, we've got the two live episodes in Melbourne.

We've got a whole bunch of guests that we've confirmed this week for April the 4th and the 11th. Very exciting guests. Yep. Big old fan favourites, some first-timers. Yeah, going to be really good. Of course, April 25, our 500th episode, is nearly sold out. So get on that now.

Look, go to our solo shows. We've got tickets available for that carl chan please call me carl i was gonna say carl chan they're in but it feels dumb carl please call me carl mr comedy was my father that's my solo show i'm currently uh walking up and down bridge road every day learning that learning the set list of 150 names of jokes over and over and over again, like an absolute fucking madman. Yep. It's not doing much good for my mental health.

No, but comedy rarely does. Yeah, yeah. For anyone. Yeah, fair enough. And so go to littledumbdumbclub.com for tickets to that and for your solo show. Yes, Meatball, March the 25th until April the 19th, 7.30. I was doing a drawing of the Hamburglar for it just before. So there's a little peek into the differences between our processes.

Oh, man. Yeah, look. Fuck. I don't think I could do with a picture of a McDonald's. If you want to volunteer a picture for my show, there'd be one visual. Oh, yeah, okay. I'll do with a picture of a McDonald's. If you want to volunteer a picture for my show, there'd be one visual. I'll do you a picture. It can be like Mr. Squiggle. I'll do you a picture

and then you have to reverse engineer a joke for it. All right, okay. Would that work? Sure. If I do you a drawing on like an A2 thing, I'll make it weird and interesting. I'm not going to try and fuck you, but I'll try and challenge you.

You can try and fuck me if you want. I don't mind. It'll be interesting. Okay. All right. Yeah. I'll try and get that done. Great.

I'll get that done. Great. And then, of course, as we set up the top of the program, March the 19th, Thursday, March the 19th, we are going to be appearing on Television's The Project. So tune in if you're in Australia. Hey, if you're overseas, we're giving you a bit of notice to get a VPN and watch it illegally. Absolutely worthwhile. Break your country's copyright laws to watch it.

It is the first time that you and I have appeared together on network TV. Yes. That would be fair to say. True. It would be almost fair to say that it's the first time either of us have appeared as ourselves on network TV. Would you call the ABC network? I wouldn't call them. Do you call them network?

I don't know what that means. Probably technically not. Well, commercial. Commercial. Yeah, commercial TV. So, no, in that case, no, you would not. Yeah. I mean, yeah, we've been in the background of a sketch or two here and there.

Have we? Yeah, we had a sketch in the audience of a TV show we wrote on for a bit. We have too. Yeah, in terms of just us holding court and riffing our little fannies off. have we yeah we are we have two we're sketching the audience of a TV show we wrote on for a bit we have two but yeah in terms of just us holding court and riffing our little fannies off we are going to be on the desk on Channel 10's The Project

like I said up the top of the show I think I believe the Dum Dum listeners have already sold out the free tickets that are available for the project studio audience worth an email

worth a phone call to the show if you want to get in there you, we put it on the socials. They're all snaffled up pretty quickly. That's what we want. We want a hometown support that night. Oh, man, I was telling you off air, this evening I was just watching pop superstar

Catherine Perry interviewed on there. And so a similar thing had clearly happened. All her fans had clearly packed out the studio. It was very full. She comes out, rapturous applause. And I thought, you know what? That's what's in line for you and me. You know what it's time.

We come out with some deep cleavage of our own and people go nuts. Yeah, very much looking forward. Man, I was just looking at the diary then going, man, that's next week. I know. Fuck. We better get on that shit. So, look, uh uh watch that uh try and get along to it if you want to uh we're very excited to to be on it and um yeah socials and let them know that you enjoyed seeing the the fellas on there exactly

also you know what let us know i mean we haven't thought too much about it at the moment but let us know what you want us to do any you know like but look this is the thing before when we've had our friends on tv we've gone oh we're a t-shirt or say this or say that it's like cool well maybe we should do that we've been asking other people yeah good i guess yeah i think we said that to our friends thinking that the day would never come when we would have to follow through on doing it ourselves. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Let's try and get some sneak in. Yeah. Sneak in a reference to the podcast in our interview about the podcast. Yeah. It's like, because with other people we go, oh, say this thing that we say. It's like, now, what should we say that we say? Yeah. How can we quote ourselves?

Or is it going to be we have to sneak in a reference to something that's so far removed from the podcast? Right. That's the big challenge. I'm sure, look, there's a decent percentage of our listeners that are pretty clued in that actually have quite funny ideas. So go for it. Let us know. Let us know something we should do. It's a small percentage, but if you think it's you, it's not you.

We get a little bingo card happening where we have to complete the bingo card. I actually really do like that. Yeah. If someone wants to do that, if someone wants to mock up bingo cards and send them out, that would be great.

Stuff that we have to do on the show. We've only got like four minutes or five minutes. We've only got four minutes, but I mean more... I think this is pretty interesting. Stuff that you have to do on the show. We've only got like four minutes or five minutes. We've only got four minutes, but I mean more. I think this is pretty interesting. Stuff that you think we'll just do, right? So then you do, you know, the bingo cards. It's like you've got your whatever it is.

Is it four by four? That number of things. And then you do them up randomly, send them out to people. And hey, if a listener gets a bingo from our interview, I don't know, we'll send you something or we'll do something for you. Right, right, right. Okay. So people have their own bingo cards, you, I don't know, we'll send you something or we'll do something for you. Right, right, right. Okay. So people have their own bingo cards,

you mean? People have their own. So someone, or maybe like one person does them up and distributes them to the people who want to play along.

Either that or do they have a drinking game where it's like you have to take a shot if we say. I do like the idea of someone being able to win our interview.

Yeah, yeah. That feels pretty fun. Yeah, yeah. Or, you know, maybe without us, no, because we don't, if we're aware of this, pretty fun yeah or you know maybe without us no because we don't we if we're aware of this we could potentially you know we could match fix it which i don't think would be good but if someone wants to put odds on things that we do get a bit of a betting

pool going right you know like thailand getting mentioned that's like you know yeah it's a dollar one cent yeah yep sure um speaking of so that very exciting. We're very excited to do that. We'll try and put it up on the socials if we get footage and all that sort of stuff, but very excited to get a break and get that sort of thing, get to promo our little show. We're essentially on there to promo some of the live shows that are coming up, so that's great stuff. But look, a little bit, people like a bit of behind-the-curtain sort of action. You know, we – very little in showbiz happens just magically. So, you know, you need someone in your corner, I believe.

Anyone you see, you see any megastar, it's like it doesn't just happen organically. Like at some stage, someone has gone, I want this person to be on this thing. Yes. You've got to have someone behind you or whatever. Very rarely is something the result of purely just being good and working hard. Yeah, yeah. Very, very, basically never. Those things certainly help.

Yeah, put well. Very put well. So I guess what we've said before on the show is we've had a little segment where we had enemy of the show. Uh-oh. Is that what it was called, enemy of the show, when we had a little segment where we had enemy enemy of the show uh-oh is that is that what was called enemy of the show when we had the investor or whatever yeah i was thinking maybe we start the opposite of that we like i guess we already called everyone friend of the show but what's the next level up from that like okay i was gonna say i was gonna say uber friend

of the show that just sounds like someone that's driving us around yeah which is charging us i actually don't mind that someone that we know the ones that just give us lifts everywhere from now on i wouldn't be mad at that what about super friend of the show super friend of the show platinum platinum tier put god of the show a bit far what is this are you about to i'm about to anoint someone you're about to anoint someone who is responsible for... Well, someone that helped us very much, that was on our side with getting on the project. Instrumental. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone was a supporter of ours to get on the project,

which is a guest on this very episode. That's right, the warm-up man, Ben Lomas, got us on... No, no. Pete Hellyer was in our corner to get on screen for the project. So thank you very much to him. Very, very nice man. I want to anoint him to maybe our first official super friend of the show. Super friend of the show is pretty good.

Yeah. I like to give thanks to people who do nice things. Yeah. And, you know, it's nice when people have thanked us for doing nice things for them, that sort of thing. So, you know, it's nice to give back. He's certainly done us a favour there. So thank you very much to Pete Hellyer.

Very lovely guy in addition to giving up his time to be on this from time to time. Yep. Lovely man. You know, people ask you sometimes about what people are like in comedy. And generally, if you have made it, you're generally a pretty good person, I reckon. You don't have too many stories where it's like, oh, this famous person, actually, a cunt. They're out there, but they are, they're pretty rare.

Not too many. They stick out because they're pretty. There's not too many. Oh, yeah, yeah. I reckon generally. Very, very rare. Yeah, anyway. No, you're right, yeah.

Very helpful. Pete Hellyer, thank you very much. Nice guy. Also, on the precipice of what we talked about maybe last week, where we started to say there's a few guests with asterisks next to their name that we almost no deal apologise for previous episodes of the show. I thought that might come up in this. Yeah. But it didn't. No, it didn't.

But someone did remind me... I think we hung him out to dry in a couple of episodes. Right. Someone did remind me, actually, weirdly enough, about a week ago over social media. It's a complete coincidence this person didn't know that this episode was coming down the pipe and had already been recorded. They said, hey, I went back and I was listening

to an old episode with Peter Hellyer on it where you talked about him cutting you out of It's A Date Season 2, which we also touch on in this episode. And this person said that in this episode a couple of years ago where we talked about it, Pete said on the air, look, mate, I promise you I'm going to write you a role and I'm going to put you in season three.

Well, season three has been a con and that didn't happen. So maybe he's not such a good guy. Did it go to season three or did it just go to season two? Didn't it? I think it went to season three or whatever. There was a season after he cut me out, I'm pretty sure. Okay, right. I mean, whatever.

I don't care. I just thought that was funny timing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that person had just happened to listen to that whilst this episode was in the chamber. Yeah. And we actually talk about that on this episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there you go.

But thank you to Pete. Hey, you know what? Maybe in my head I can just view this segment of us on the project. I can just pretend that I'm actually playing a character on It's A Date. And so this is the de facto me doing a role in season three of It's A Date. Great. Okay. Go in character.

That's a pathetic podcast. Yeah. Look, also, look, I should be stretching this out, but I'll also put Russell Howard on the leaderboard as well. Engraved in the board. Look, we could do all of them at once. I'll just put two in this week. I'll elevate two legends.

Russell Howard for getting me those free tickets to Liverpool that made the last two episodes, basically. Yeah, and well, even before that, his effort with taking to Kappa's whole bullshit like a duck to water. Oh yeah. Joining us on the show in London. Exactly. Did not need to do any of that stuff at all.

Yeah. It's sort of, yeah, it's funny cause you look at stuff on socials and you go, oh man, he plays absolute stadiums. What the fuck did he do any of this for us for? And of course a reminder, this is probably a good point to, uh, point out. Of course, if you like the people that you hear on the show every week,

send him a tweet. Get on social media and do a bit of, you know, let them know that you appreciate them spending their time coming and doing this. Sure, they appreciate seeing that. It definitely helps us get them back. It helps us get bigger people, not bigger people,

but it helps us get other big people on the show as well if they feel like they're going to get a bit of love out of it. Don't bother with Russell Howard because he doesn't check his own social media. People like Haley Aaron. Russell Howard is coming out to Melbourne like he needs our help, but it all helps.

He's playing stadiums when he gets out here. He's out here in June or July, I believe, in Australia, and he's doing a big lap of Australia, and he is a great stand-up, as well as being a top bloke and a super friend of the show, as I just personally elevated him without your permission. So super friend of the show has to be someone that's been on the show. It can't... Because enemies list is just anyone we don't like.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is the rule that super friend of the show... Well, I mean, it's riffing on the title of friend of the show. I guess people that are sort of within the world. They have to have helped the show maybe. Okay. Don't they? Is that the rule?

So enemy can just be someone that's given us the shits in the street. Whereas super friend of the show has to have affected, positively affected the outcome of the podcast in some way. With your permission, I'm happy to make enemy of the show people that we don't like that have been on the show, if you like. Permission denied. I'm happy to make any of the show people that we don't like that have been on the show,

if you like. Permission denied. Well, I thought so. I'm sorry. It's out of my hands. I just pushed this button. I pushed the big green button. I thought green would mean go, but in this case.

You've got your own device over there. I've got my own. I've got tons of devices. Well, I thought that might have been coming up, so I didn't even try. So, yes, that's that taken care of this week. As we're doing all the technicalities, let's rip into this. We've already been on the air long enough. Let's get into the segment of Talking Dumb Dumb that you're all here for. That is just reading out the names of people.

The meat and potatoes of Talking Dumb Dumb. The meat and potatoes with a fair bit of butter in there, in the potato, I reckon. It's pretty good. One of those pools of butter.

And what kind of meat are we talking? That's such a funny saying. Give me some meat and potatoes. I'm honestly not fussed what kind of animal it is. Yeah. Just put some meat

in front of it. Flesh. Just give me some flesh. Just flesh. Yeah. I always picture beef, to be honest. I kind of do it.

I mean, would you say beef? Beef is the default meat, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. I'm always thinking, to be honest. I kind of do it. I mean, would you say beef? Beef is the default meat, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. I'm always thinking like, you know what I'm thinking? When I hear meat and potatoes, what do you picture? I guess I picture a steak.

Do you? I picture like a cartoon style T-bone steak. Yeah, yeah, right. And what sort of potato do you picture? Jacket cut in half. Now, this is a good psychology test A little bit of butter melting in the middle It's like four shark

I'd love to know what it means But for you to picture Like a cartoon's T-bone steak With a jacket potato When you say meat and potatoes You know what I picture? What? Risoles and mashed potato

Ooh Yeah Interesting I know What does that say about us? Yeah Any psychologists Or amateur psychologists out there, let us know what that means.

Let us know if that's some form of, is it Horschach test? Yeah, I said it before, Rorschach. Rorschach. Horschach's the guy from Welcome Back, Cotter. That's a better test. Yeah. What do you think this test means? What do you think?

Look at this picture of John Travolta and tell me what you think. That looks like Vinnie Barbarino. Well done. That's the Horseshack test. You pass. Yeah. This is going to be, I mean, this is almost its own segment now. What's going to be the Facebook thread in the group this week?

Yeah. But this is what it's going to be for this week. Yeah. Just people listing different forms that meat and potatoes can take. I mean, I'm happy for that. Sausage and can take. Now I'm happy for that. Sausage and tater tots. I'm happy for that. I'm happy to hear all about that.

Bring it on. What is your favorite form of potato, though? Oh, man. Fucking what an ask. A good mash done well. I mean, if the person's really gone for it and they chucked some sour cream in there to give it that extra creamy. Man, you know, you have to fuck up. You have to fuck potatoes pretty bad for me to not be a fan.

But I'm on the record. Favourite potato is the sliced thin, thinnish potato, peeled, put on the grill, put on the barbecue. Get it a bit brown to black. Black? Yeah. Wow. You know that like, not like burnt crisp, but you know, just get that nice bit of... Yeah, yeah, as a tribute.

Nice bit of... To a great entertainer. Sure. It's very nice. I'd have that. I'd have that top. Interesting. Sorry, when you were saying thinly sliced, I thought you were going to say something

that I found out since the last time we talked about it on the air, I believe. It's called the tornado. What's that? The twirly. Oh, is that what it's called? Yeah, the thing that you get at the... The twisty one. The twisty, big, long stick.

Potato twist. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of like thin sliced, but kind of curled all the way down. It's like one potato just sort of twisted around a stick and you charge six bucks for it. Yeah. Yeah. They do them at, what's that place called?

Nene Chicken in Melbourne Central. Oh. And they do them with this like chicken salt all over them. Yeah, yeah. You get them at shows. You get them at like the Melbourne show at carnivals and stuff like that. They love it at that sort of stuff. Yeah.

It's a lot harder in a restaurant to charge $6 for one of those things. Something that comes out on a stick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. Especially if you're dining in and then you're just at a table holding a stick. Yeah. It feels weird. I'd still have it.

Very nice. Anyway. Let us know. Let's get into the rissole and mashed potato of the show. Yeah. Rissole. You know what? I haven't had a rissole in ages. I know. But fuck, they're good. I wouldn't mind a rissole. How. You know what? I haven't had a rissole in ages.

I know. But fuck, they're good. I wouldn't mind a rissole. How did you know that? I wouldn't mind a rissole. I should go... I saw my parents on the weekend, but they tend to come down here

rather than I go up there these days. It's a mirror bar. So I should... Put in a request for some rissole. Yeah. I should... We found this very funny when we used to play soccer

me and my mates would play soccer for Dalesford Soccer Club that I've talked about on the show before we won we won premierships for them

we found it very weird because we we lived in Ballarat but we went out to Dalesford and people already think oh Ballarat's a bit bumfuck nowhere it's like well

Dalesford trumps that very much so Ballarat's like I don't know 100,000 or more something like that whereas dalesford trumps that very much so ballarat's like i don't know a hundred thousand or more something like that yeah whereas dalesford's probably five thousand three four thousand something like that smaller it must be smaller than maribor it's got to be yeah um so it's sort of a bit a different level when we're dealing with people from from dalesford does dalesford i'm sure i've talked about this but it's such an interesting mix of day trippers from Melbourne, where you've got the most arty people from Melbourne, and then nothing in between, and then just people from the hills.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That have just crawled down the hill to drink water out of the fucking river and go back up again. It is the very trendy weekend destination from Melbourne. Because it's like what? An hour and a bit drive yeah super easy drive

and then you do feel like you're far away yeah we we played with there was a there was a girl that would hang around

that I'm not sure she was like a relation of someone from the club she was involved with the club somewhere and

you know the good thing when people tell you what their nickname is yes when they tell you what their nickname is? Yes. When they tell you what you're supposed to call them? I find that funny enough. Yeah, or they introduce themselves as that. Yes.

And it's like, nah, let me get a bit comfortable. Yeah. I'll decide. I had a housemate who did that. I moved in with someone who like day dot wanted us to call her something in the house. Yeah. And I was like, nah. And I never never did it and i think it really annoyed her yeah and she didn't last too long in the house and i have my suspicions that it was because i wouldn't use the nickname

you're right i had one of them i had a housemate that said oh this is my name and like gave himself this really cool name and then i was moving with him and like his friend. And then the friend was like just, you know, a couple of days later going. No one calls him that, by the way. Really? So this is his attempt at a rebrand. Yeah.

Interesting. A little bit of that. Interesting move. Whereas this guy gave himself a cool name. Whereas this girl was like, she said to us, oh yeah, you can call me, you can call me Rissoles. And we're like, Rissoles? Like just immediately, like what the fuck?

I'm actually into it. I'm actually really into it. But this is the good thing. She gave us the alternative. She's like, Rissoles, either that or cockroach. I'm into both of them. Fucking hell. But this girl sounds cool.

Give yourself like a good alternative. You're just giving yourself two bad names. This girl that I'm talking about that I lived with, hers was like her Facebook name was that, and then after she moved out, she ended up writing a book and writing a book under the nickname. So she just fully, fully erasing everything about the original first name. And was it like a proper book

or was it like a self-published thing? No, a proper book. Cookbook. Okay. Was it about a housemate or about... I wonder if I should say what... I mean, it doesn't really make a difference what the name was. The Bible? It was the Bible. Wow. He called himself

God. Wasn't his real name? Yeah, the Bible came out four years ago. When we recorded this episode. Yeah, really got a foothold pretty quickly in society. Wow. But yeah, speaking of names, we've got to fire up the big old

red button. On the untitled... The unplanned titleanned please call me Carl the unplanned title alternator was my father yes we read out a

different number of names every week of people who support the show on Patreon which you can do yourself at patreon.com slash little dum

dum club we send out a bonus episode and a magazine every month and also we immortalize you on podcasts that we've recorded a very long time ago and of course we we tend to read out more names if we haven't done a lot every month and also we immortalise you on podcasts that we've recorded a very long time

ago. And of course, we tend to read out more names if we haven't done a lot of chat before. Unfortunately, this week we've done quite a bit of chat, so we won't have heaps of time. Sorry guys, don't come at us. Come at the project. Come at the meat and potato industries. It was out of our hands this week. We had too many hot button topics that we had to get to.

Exactly. And we don't choose the R topics that we had to get to. Exactly. And we don't choose the Rift. The Rift chooses us. Exactly. So it did itself. We are mere vessels. We just sort of go into like a trance, you and I. Blame comedy.

Yeah. I've done plenty of that in my time. Don't blame the messenger. Blame comedy Yeah Alright let's hit the big red button For the first time this week First cab off the rank Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber

Stuart Reid Stuart Reid S-T-E-W-A-R-T-R-E-I-D I think if you've been named Stuart That's a tough lot in life Is it? Don't you think? You reckon?

I don't mind it Look, I would have to say I prefer the S-T-E rather than the S-T-U For some reason I don't know why Well, my point was going to be I mean, which do you go with? Stuart or Stu?

I mean, I don't know It's not too bad Having said that I've just I've just preferred Stuart Where it's like You spell You've got the word Stu

And Wart in there That's what I mean Neither of them Are particularly amazing Words to be associated with you Weirdly enough I actually would respect that more The person whose name is Stuart

S-T-E-W And they just shorten it to Wart Yeah I'm just going by Wart I actually would respect that more. The person whose name is Stuart, S-T-E-W, and they just shorten it to Wart. Yeah. I'm just going by Wart. If you're that confident in yourself, you're like, you know what? I'm a great guy. I can overcome this. Right, right.

Read, Wart, read. Wart, read. Wart, read. That's rough stuff. Yeah. I love it. It just sounds like some sort of fucking fortune teller that's got a bit of a tough job literally in front of him. Wart read.

You have to do a wart read on someone's hand. Yeah. I'm sure that exists. I want to go get – I've been meaning to go and do a – I mean, I know we had one on the podcast last year. Yeah. I want to go to a psychic. But like actually go to like that was you know there was a lot of theater involved in that that was a that was a legit one yeah that was a legit

one that was a lot of um this time last year we paid a fortune teller to come in and then basically she just tried to be funny and we were like can you do your job actually because that's we'll be funny and you just do your job and then she she was just funny instead. And we're like, okay, all right. But I do actually want to go to like a tarot card or a – but see what's going on. Are you 100% not taking the piss or are you curious? No, I'm curious. Right. I'm not so much – yeah, I'm just interested to see what they say.

And not that I would – I wouldn't 100% definitely believe it. I also wouldn't definitely be like, ah, what a load of rot. I just would be interested. I probably would be pretty selective about it. You know what, I'm sure there'd be things where I'd go like, okay, I'm happy to hear that, so I'll believe that that's going to happen. That bit scares me. I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.

Right. Which I don't think anything like that. I do believe in it a little bit, but I think there's going to be levels where it's like, I kind of think of it as something where you're kind of tuning in a radio. Right. Maybe you're going to get a bit of a signal and be on about some things, and then maybe you're going to be slightly off about other things, you know? Okay.

I kind of think of it. I think I would be interested to go in. When I've been in New York, where they're like all over the place everywhere yeah it's like thailand and massages like they're all they're all over the place in new york and i've thought man i should go in there but then you go man i'm wasting new york yeah you know doing an hour of this when i'm in new york and you could be doing anything but yeah but that does strike me as a very american slash new york experience yeah no you're right the type of person you would get would be so different to the kind of person who would do it here. You're right.

I think I would be more interested not so much in the result and what they're saying. I don't think I would tune into any of it. But I would be interested as a performer just watching like what they do. I'd like to see the mechanics of it. Yeah, there's a bit of that too. Yeah. Just kind of going in and thinking about... Like when you're watching another comedian.

When we're watching comedy, you're not so much lost in it, just wanting a laugh. You're sort of watching it, sort of seeing the tricks and... Yeah, the mechanics of it and everything. Yeah. I mean, I would be... Yeah, I guess I would most be watching it going, how much stuff are you getting right that I know definitely is happening? Like, what are they able to pick out?

Because the other thing is, and this is what we found out when we were trying to track down that woman for last year's episode, they're actually quite hard to come by in this country. There were a great deal of them out there. Having said that, we were trying to book them on the day or the day before.

Yeah, and it was Easter Sunday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of people wanting to know their fortunes at Easter time. It's like, fuck, just eat your fucking egg. And then some people just quoting us an absolute mozza to come out. Oh, really? I don't remember. It was one or two that were like, yeah, no worries.

It'll be this much. Yeah. And it was like so much. Yeah, so we got the cheapest one and that's why they gave us the – that's why they just did whatever the fuck they wanted to do. Well, I mean, it was good for comedy. Yeah, so we got the cheapest one and that's why they gave us the... That's why they just dibbled over the fuck they wanted to do. Well, I mean, it was good for comedy. Yeah.

But in terms of just getting a legitimate fortune read... But yeah, maybe I should... Yeah, I should get round to it. I should look into it. If you know of a good one in Melbourne, hit me up. Yeah, okay.

Well, that's not bad. I'd be interested. I don't know. I'd be interested performance-wise. I'd just be interested. I don't know. I feel like I'm the. I'd just be interested. I don't know. I feel like I'm the sort of person that would be going in there just more going, I don't even want to know my future.

I just want to go, okay, how many fingers am I holding behind my back? Yeah, I just would be interested. I mean, I'm not skeptical, but I'm also not wanting to go in there and it's not really going to dictate too much how I live my life. Like I'm not looking to get advice or, you know, really change what I'm doing based on the back of it. I just – but then maybe I will. I mean I've just never – it's like anything like that. It's like I've never done it.

Why not? It's what? Half an hour? Yeah. Sit there and hear some stuff? Sure. Could be really interesting. Yeah, okay.

I'm interested. Let's do it. Well, I'll – I'm keen to hear your results and then I'll make a call. You go in and go – I'll learn from you. I want what he has. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Let's do it. Well, I'm keen to hear your results, and then I'll make a call. You go in and go, I want what he has. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give me the Dasolo. All right. Well, thanks, Wart.

Thanks, Warty. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Diane Recon or Recon. Diane Recon. You Recon Recon? I Recon. R-E-K-E-N. What do you Re reckon. R-E-K-E-N. What do you reckon? R-E-K-E-N.

Yeah, I reckon. You reckon? Yeah. Diane Recken. Thank you, Diane Recken. Abbott and Costello do podcasting. Diane Recken? Who subscribed first?

Recken. Yeah. Is that what we're going with? I'm happy to just pronounce it differently every time we say it, just to cover all bases. It's pretty good if it's Reekin. Diane Reekin. Gives us more to play with.

Oh, no, we've got more to play with either way. I mean, no matter which way you spin it. So I paused for a second because I thought I was about to sneeze. That's fine. Yeah. It's, fuck, yeah, look, it's a good little dinner party conversation. Just someone bringing in their name and just holding it in front of them, written out and go, how do you pronounce this?

This is my name. Right, so it's like dinner for schmucks, but it's like you've just brought in someone with a fuck name yeah yeah they wear the name tag what do you think fellas yeah you say that one yeah that'll be good that's pretty great it just like r-e-k-e-n it it i mean it almost seems like one of those ones where it's like it's too obvious that it's wrecking it's like no no no i just there's something about R-E-K-E that makes me think it's an E sound. Yeah, I know what you mean. The Eek.

It also just is starting to feel to me, after however many years we've been doing this part of the show, three years now or something like that, that Patreon must know that the odds are pretty high that a name being read out is potentially a part of what people are signing up for. Do us the favour and have some kind of phonetic option in there. Oh, right, right, right. You know what I mean? Like, if you look up a word in the dictionary, it's got that how to do it.

Come on, guys. Well, I don't think Patreon knows that this is what people do with it. I think more... Yeah, but they must. I mean, this would be pretty common, I would think. Well, having said that, look, her name, her first name, Diane, is spelt D-I-A-N-E, only with the one N. So maybe it's Diane. Diane.

Diane Reekin. Diane Reekin. Diane Reekin. Diane. Diane. Hmm. Maybe. No thing of the middle name?

No thing. No. Okay. No hint. No hint. No. Not like, say, like Lauren or something. No.

Middle initial. No. Diane initial. No. Diane L. No. What a long bow that was. No. Oh, I just got it. Not bad.

I was wondering what you were doing. Not bad at all. Not bad, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not great. There's a bit of a red herring in there, but now I get it. I keep feeling I'm going to sneeze and it's just really throwing me off. Right.

That's what that one's down to. Right. Okay. Okay. Very, well, well done. You gave us a real puzzler this week, Diane Reakin. Good work. You really stumped us.

I think we dug our way out of the hole, but look, I'm very happy for people to give us more interesting and complicated names that we can really fuck up and wonder if we have fucked up or not. So Stuart Reid, like, fuck, we had to make up some bullshit fortune teller stuff. Yeah. Nothing to play with there. This was just a little puzzle. And hey, you know, instead of writing your name down, if you just want to send us a Rubik's Cube to turn on the air for 15 minutes. And just have random letters on there.

I mean, we just switch around until we find a name we recognise. Post us a little bag with some Scrabble tiles in it, and then we'll sit here for an hour and just rearrange them into as many different names as we can. Wow. That'd be a good time. That wouldn't be too bad at all. Thanks, Diane.

Should we get a PO box? Should we? Yeah. So that people can send us physical stuff. Man, I'm tempted because, you know what? When I send out the merch, you've got to have a sending address because, you know, sometimes things get lost in the mail and get returned and whatever. Yeah.

And there's no way I'm putting my fucking address on it. And I know you wouldn't want your address on it. Yeah. So I just put return address and then I just put European Beer Cafe, which I run comedy shows at. So they'll get, like, fucking t-shirts sent to them and every now and then I'll just get an email or a phone call going, why is there one of your fucking T-shirts sent to us? What the fuck's this?

That's great. You're in there a couple of times a week and just treating it like your own fucking personal post office. God, it's rich. Having said that, fuck, I've worked there for a number of years and I just got their Wi-Fi this week.

Nice, congrats. Long time coming. Yep. Finally trusted me with the Wi-Fi. Yeah. And what have you been doing on there?

Just downloading some absolute filth. Yeah, some full-on dienal. But yeah, if we got a PO box for just like a month, maybe. They cost a bit. Do they? Yeah. yeah but that's what i mean if we just did it for a month and then we said here

it is folks send us physical stuff right and you know we just do it for a month we see what comes in we maybe get some good stuff that we can talk about and riffle maybe something funny will come of it and then we just cancel it okay maybe we go we wait for locked bag 69 hawthorn right come up yep and then uh we use that we only want it we only want that one yeah or we move the show to sydney so we can get one in crow's nest yeah yeah lock bag 69 crow's nest and then we just have to get that sent to our address back here oh yeah right we can write it down every week yeah that's not bad at all. Yeah.

Yeah. That would be good. We've just got instructions at Crow's Nest that things have to be... We're just paying... You're paying postage to send it to us

and then we have to pay postage to get that sent back to us. Yeah, but hey, worth it. Worth it for the gag. Yeah, that's fair. Alright, thanks Diane. Thanks Diane. Thank you to Patreon subscriber

Matthew Bagley. Bagley. I'm going to say subscriber Matthew Bagley. Bagley. I'm going to say it's Bagley. B-A-G-L-E-Y. Bagley. It's got to be that. Yeah. I refuse to think of it in any other way.

Yep. Matty B. Matt Bagley. Matt Bagley. Matt Bagley. I like Bagley. It's got a bit of a... I was going to say it's got a bit of a Lord of the Rings kind of feel,

but I think that's just because I'm thinking of Bilbo Baggins. Yes. It's very close to basically being the same name. Yes, I think that would be... I was about to say, look, let's say this. Let's role play right now. You go to school with Matthew Bagley. Okay.

He's your mate. That's my mate. That's you. What do you go with? Oh, good question. Baggers? Baggers or Baggo?go yeah i don't mind baggers i think you'd get a bit of bilbo baggins i'd probably i mean i'd probably like to come up with my own one i'd like to kind of go off the grid a little bit yeah and just because of the era that i was at school in and this um

Just because of the era that I was at school in and this commercials for this chain were especially popular. I'd probably go with the Tucker bag. Yeah. Do you remember then? Yeah. The supermarket. Of course. For any international listeners, it's a popular supermarket chain.

Smaller. Smaller than the big ones. Yeah. I'm too young to know exactly where they fit in the supermarket landscape. And for older listeners, yeah, they weren't as big as Coles and Woolworths or Safeway, if you're more of a Safeway, if you're in that state, which we are. But they were more on the scale of something that would be too far back for you. Yeah, it's more of an IGA or, for older listeners, SSW. Okay. Yeah. Way too far back for me. it's more of an iga or for older listeners ssw okay yeah way too far back yes i would have thought so but tucker bag were tucker bag were probably a bit

bigger than that but they had a mascot that was like a talking paper bag yeah this fucked up little puppet paper bag yeah um but you know it it worked i remember being very adamant to my mother that we had to do all our shopping at Tucker Bag. Wow. I'd see him on the TV and I'd be like, why would you go anywhere else? Yeah. Coles and these other ones. Yeah.

What have they got? They got fucking nothing in their ads. That's great. They've gone full Dolomite account on you. Big time. Yeah. Like the Commonwealth Bank did. The little lord of the manor demanding where mummy gets his milk from.

Yeah. It's funny how that works. Yeah, they've gone like McDonald's style. They've got the little cartoon characters. All of a sudden, I was a kid. I used to want to go to McDonald's. I didn't even want any of the food there. Really?

You just wanted to see that big mural of Mayor McCheese? Yeah. So they've just fully fucked the characters off now. Yeah. They're just not in anything. Well, I guess the marketing was a bit like it's seen as a children's restaurant. We just want to get rid of that completely. And we just want to make sure that we're getting the full adult market.

Yeah. There's no one at all ashamed for that reason to go into a McDonald's. Yeah, you're right like the idea of the idea of someone like drunk being in there and then seeing a big clown on the wall going god i'm a fucking joke yeah yeah i'm in a kid's restaurant also i think they've probably looked ahead into the future and gone they've seen the they've seen things like the me too movement coming up and gone nothing good's going to come from being associated with clowns yeah There's going to be some bad shit going down with clowns. It's a shame, though. I like the little roster of characters.

Yeah. I think there's definitely... Definitely they'll bring them back in some form, easily. There's got to be some retro campaign. They had a thing where they made like a little TV, like a little cartoon of all the McDonaldland characters. And you could get them on VHS tapes at the store. And that was the only way you could watch it.

And I really wanted one. And I never managed to get one. Oh, wow. I think it was something where like you had to get some just insane amount of food or whatever. And it was just like, my parents were like, we don't want to eat that. There's only one of you. So there's one Happy Meal, isn't it? Or whatever it was. For whatever reason, never ended up't want to eat that. There's only one of you. So there's one Happy Meal, isn't it? Or whatever it was.

For whatever reason, never ended up being able to get one. I was a full sucker for the whole campaign. Because we didn't have a McDonald's in Maribor. That was the dream. When we go through Ballarat or Bendigo, which did have them, I'd be like adamant, we've got to go there. We've got to get... And then it'd be like...

And I was like a fussy eater, especially fussy eater as a kid. so then i'm going there and they're like well what do you want burger no i was a bit the same yeah i only ever got the nuggets yeah yeah i was a nuggies boy yeah yeah so i get nuggets i get chips and um maybe the cookies i used to love getting the calendar the calendar the calendar maybe they phased out the calendar but the calendar but that was so dumb like i was a kid going oh the calendar is great because you get to color in didn't particularly love coloring it but then you got little vouchers for like you know i'll be like cool look at this 25 off a cheeseburger cool do you want a cheeseburger no do you remember this i the first time i ever saw an indiana jones movie was because for a little while at McDonald's, they had with the breakfasts, you would get an Indiana Jones movie on VHS.

Oh. No. Wow. I just remember going in there and it was – what's the third one? The one with his dad. Temple of Doom? No. No, Great Crusade.

Lost Crusade. Lost Crusade. Yeah. Just going in for an egg and bacon muffin and a hash brown and then being handed a video and me being like what's this yeah and dad being like you've never seen indiana jones i'm like you're in charge of everything i watch so if you know that i haven't seen it then guess what i haven't seen it yeah um and yeah that i mean that the idea of that happening now yeah just like hey here's a password for something

special on netflix that you can watch yeah yeah maybe yeah, yeah. I don't know. Maybe it does. The Last Crusade, one of the movies I would say that I have maybe even stands alone in the catalogue of movies that I have never seen the start of, maybe even never seen the middle of, but have seen the ending of maybe double figure times. Just keep catching it at the back end on TV, flicking around, that kind of thing. Just keep catching someone going, well, look at this goblet. It's the fanciest. So this must be the elixir, what's it called? The fountain of youth or whatever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it's like, you fucking sucker. You got to drink out of the fucking toilet. I feel like I have Seinfeld episodes like that. Yeah, yeah. I just always come in on the back end. Yeah, sure. Well, thanks who...

No. Thanks, Baggers. Thanks, Baggers. Thanks, Baggins. Thanks, Baggo. Thanks, Tucker Bag. Yeah. Would you go Tucker?

You'd call him Tucker because then you don't. I'd probably start Tucker Bag and then I guess over time it'd morph to Tucker. You'd go to Tucker. Yeah. Yeah. Tucker would be a good name, actually. And that's what you want. You want a nickname

that's like a couple of, I think a good one is always like a couple of steps removed. Yeah, you don't spell it out. Yeah. Because Tucker Bag is just too hard

to continually say whereas Tucker's not bad. And yeah, like you said, Tucker, good name. Yeah, good name. I've got to, fuck, I've got to write these names down.

There's too many times on this part of the show I think of good names and then, you know, all of a sudden if another baby pops out one day it's like, I've got this fucking list.

I wasn't prepared at all the last time. I had fucking jack shit. Yeah, but you know, don't you think there's something nice about like,

you just name, you just, you're in the moment. You just get into the zone. You kind of let your heart decide what you want in that moment rather than being like,

oh no, the baby's here. Let me consult my podcast list of names. Oh no that isn't a name of someone that's giving you money but still well i mean it's better than literally in the hour before my wife gave birth where we're sitting there going what if it's a boy because we literally don't have a name we literally didn't have a name yeah and then it come out it was a girl it was like cool we've got one for that we'll see it all worked out yeah we couldn't have called then it came out it was a girl. It was like, cool, we've got one for that. We'll see. It all worked out.

Yeah. We couldn't have called a boy Blanket. No. It's a girl's name. It's a girl's name. It would have been embarrassing. Yeah. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Isaac Nellist.

Nellist. A lot going on. You don't see too many Isaacs getting around. No. I don't feel like. One of the, you know, up there with Aaron with being a bit of an oddity with the double A's within the name. And not even a double A where you're going to, you know, get any kind of advantages out of it. No.

Like beating out other A names. Yeah. Just buried there deep in the back of the name. Why does it have to have the two A's? Yeah. You're barely pronouncing them. You know, it's the same with Aaron. You know, it's all true. It. You know, it's all... True.

It's all showing off. There's no need. I mean, you could say that with any double letter. You know, nearly. True. Yeah. It's up and down. I mean, Nellist.

I guess if you don't have a double L, all of a sudden you're going, is this Nellist? Oh, we'd be sitting here. We'd be fucking... We'd be chopping it up for 15 minutes. We'd be turning it... It'd be a real reekin'. Yeah. A real reekin' reckon affair all over again. The Nellist. Yeah. A real reekin-reckin affair all over again. The Nellist.

Yeah. Yeah, the Nellist. The Nellist. A lot going on in both names. Don't you think? Yep. Yep. This is a busy one.

Never heard of a Nellist. Isaac. I've never heard of a Nell. I've never heard of a Neller. I've certainly never heard of a Nellist. Yeah. This is the Nellist name. That's undeniable.

Yeah. I don't even know where to fucking start with a name like that. It's certainly going to confuse a lot of schoolyard kids, that's for sure.

Isaac Nellist. Yeah. Isaac, very old name. Very old name. Very, very. A lot of history. You know, a bit of a burden

carrying a name that old. You think so? You think you feel the pressure to live up to it? Yeah. There's been people called this for thousands of years. It's not like fucking, you know. Oh, I guess we just had Matthew. It's the same sort of deal.

Do you think that's a bit of like the parents going, don't get too ahead of yourself. All right. You're not special. Oh, really? You know what I mean? Giving it some like trendy name that someone's just cooked up in the last, you know, whatever, even few decades.

But giving someone a name that dates just about as far back as you can go, it's like, don't get ahead of yourself. It just always surprises me. I mean, you know, we do this show. You meet a lot of people. You read a lot of things on the internet. You see a lot of TV. And then all of a sudden, I'm never disappointed.

Every week you just go, here's a surname I've never fucking heard of before. Yes. They're still pumping it out. Yeah. Down at the old surname factory. Yeah. You think we've got enough surnames. You've got enough different names that fucking, you know, can differentiate everyone?

No. Well, I would argue the opposite because people still getting confused. Right. People still being like, oh, him? No, no, no, no, no, him. You know? It's like someone starts at an office and, oh, no, we've got an Isaac. We've already got an Isaac N.

Yeah. Oh, but I'm Nellist and he's I don't know, we've got an Isaac. We've already got an Isaac N. Yeah. Oh, but I'm Nellist and he's Isaac, you know, Neil. Ah, too close. I'm sorry. Do you know, so the surname, the, dare I say, Chinese surname Nguyen? Nguyen? Nguyen. Nguyen.

Nguyen. N-G-U-Y-E-N. I believe it's Nguyen. Nguyen. Nguyen. Nguyen. Yeah, right-U-Y-E-N. I believe it's Nguyen. Nguyen. Nguyen. Yeah, right. So, that comes up a lot, right? Yes.

So, do the Chinese have as many different surnames as we do vaguely? Is it comparable, I wonder? Because that comes up a lot, I believe. Yeah. Well, you think I think there's a lot of different factors there Language being one Population being the other

Yeah I don't know if Well you know I don't want to roast you too hard Because the truth is I don't know the answer Yeah But I suspect that

A Chinese person might view this as someone going So is it like with your alphabet You've got a bloody Chinese character for A And then one for B Well I don't think it's like that But I don't know the answer Yeah But like with your alphabet, you've got a bloody Chinese character for A and then one for B. Well, I don't think it's like that. But I don't know the answer. Yeah. But it may well be that dumb of a question.

I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, very happy to ask dumb questions. Never been scared of that because then you get interesting answers. But happy for anyone to let me know if it's comparable at all. If we're particularly choosy over here in the English language where we're just fucking good, we've each got to have our own surname for every fucking cunt there is

walking around on the planet. Yeah. If you guys go, fucking, what are these fucking idiots doing, eating fucking toast and walking around with their shoes on inside? We could do like four surnames and that'll do us. Let us know. Yeah, this is where we find out there's literally one surname in all of China.

Yeah. Great. Thanks, Isaac. Did I tell you this? I watched, just because it's come up on the show before, I watched Crazy Rich Asians the other day. Oh, you never watched it before? No, I'd never seen it.

Oh, right. Yeah. And? What's your review? Bit of fun. Man, I really enjoyed it. I probably would have enjoyed it more had I seen it at the cinema. I could see myself.

I get into things a lot more if it's, you know, you're out, big screen and everything. I thought it was good. Yeah. Fun little rom-com. It's a movie I saw at the cinema because my wife is busting for us to go to the cinema. Loves going to the cinema. And that was a rare movie where I'm like, yeah, all right.

I've got a vested interest in this. Our friend, Rotten Ronald Chang, is in. I'll come along and have a look. Man, I fucking loved it. It was great. I think I said on the show, I cried during it. There was a bit of tears in there. Ah, yes.

But carried away with it a little bit. Yeah, really sucked in. Holding out for this sequel. Man. What's the sequel? Well, I mean, I guess I could have just looked this up because there is a second book, isn't there? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. But what's going to happen? I just, yeah, you just imagine it's the... Different couple or continuation of their story? No, surely it's the wedding. It's the arrangements for the wedding. Yeah, good point. Wouldn't it be?

Good point. Because there'll be lots of politics in that. I have to say, I never like a sequel. Already a sequel to a rom-com feels weird. And then a sequel to a rom-com where it's like they've gotten together and it's all happy at the end and the sequel picks it up right afterwards and it's like, guess what? It's gone to shit almost immediately yeah yeah kind of always made it makes me sad especially then if for

whatever reason you go back and watch the first one again yeah then you can't invest in the ending too much because you're like ah but it just all fucking goes down the drain in about 15 minutes anyway yeah but you gotta have that tension you know oh come back and watch this movie when nothing happens everyone's happy it's like is there a good example of a movie like that where there's no tension? Where it's, you can watch a movie and like, you can just be happy to watch it.

But I'm saying, set it in the same world but like pivot. So the couple that were the main couple in the first one, they're kind of happily doing their thing

in the background and maybe we're seeing someone else's story now that's kind of like side to them. Yeah, yeah, right. That's, yeah, that's the,

if you can do that, that's the perfect way of doing it. Yeah. Yeah. Because, yeah, like I said, there's no way out of otherwise not breaking them up in some way. That is a really good question. What is the best movie where everyone's just happy for the entire film? Let us know. I'm sure there's some very good answers that we can't think of.

I would love to know an answer to that. What is the best tensionless movie? Yeah, yes. what's a movie where nothing happens but everyone's pretty happy about it yeah you're happy to watch it yeah other than you know watching one of those fireplace movies or whatever yeah yeah yeah no it has to be it has to have some semblance of a plot yeah okay just your go-to like you know like my again my wife don't say a name herself she uh she doesn't like she doesn't like horror she doesn't like anything with too much tension and she just wants to be she just wants to watch something and and and forget about fucking work and and everything bad in the world like treats movies exactly like that doesn't want to have to

fucking stress about anything just wants to watch people be happy on TV and that's it. I think that's a bit of similar theories, similar mentality is what people enjoy about reality TV. Yeah. I don't want to think. I just want to have this on. Yeah. I don't know if this quite fulfills the criteria, but what about, and hear me out, the jackass movies? Yeah.

Now, there's no, it seems weird to say that there's no tension there because there are some pretty brutal things happening. Yeah. But it's never in question. They're not arguing. It's like, yeah, I'm going to let this bull step on my nuts. Go for it, dude. But, I mean, it's similar to sort of like, you know,

recording a bunch of CCTV and then just putting on a projector screen. Is it a movie? It's not really a movie, is it? They're in cinemas, you know. Yeah, but like I said, we could film us doing this. We could film our fucking ass for an hour. If you think they'd show it at Hoyt's, then let's do it. It's like technically a movie, but is it a movie?

It's not really a movie. No, I don't know. The Jackass movie, it's not really a movie, I don't think. Anyway, thanks, Isaac. Thanks, Isaac. One more left. We've got to do this. I've got to get home.

I've got to learn this fucking show. I've got to learn this. I mean, this great show. Please Call Me Carl. Mr. Comedy was my father. A terrific show. Travelling the country at the moment. As we speak, get along.

It is... Well, there's one more. Hit the button one more time. Hit the button one last time for this week. All right. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Oh, wow. Okay. This is interesting.

No, just, man, just weird. Just reminds me of something we were talking about before. Has that ever happened before? Again, leave that open to the listeners. Let us know. This is similar to something you were talking about. Anyway, okay. Wow.

It's funny the things that happen, hey? Like, truth is stranger than fiction, as I've always said. I'd love to just hear the name. Would you? Would you love that? I don't know why this name, the fifth this week hang on has so much run up to it and all the others you just kind of said well this one you're just kind of dancing around the others were like just in front of me and they didn't remind me of anything else but this one

potentially reminds me of something i'm sorry i'm just getting jealous because you've seen it and i have yeah okay okay okay, okay. This is like Christmas Eve for you. You're rattling the box. Can't wait. Can't wait. Wishing your life away. I wonder what the second name of this one's going to be.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber Ronald McComedy. Wow. Yeah. Isn't that interesting? A Scottish name. That reminds you of before we were talking about Rotten Ronald Change. Yes, exactly. That's my point, exactly. mccomedy wow yeah so isn't that interesting a scottish isn't that interesting a scottish name we're talking about rotten ronald change yes exactly that's my point exactly he does comedy it's my point exactly and i was thinking it reminded me of something in my head when i was

thinking stewart that i didn't say out loud i thought that's a bit of a scottish name right right and mccomedy is obviously a very scottish name this is like the rubik's cube yeah yeah yeah turned it around and it's a beautiful image and something that people haven't been interested in for about 30 years alright well

thanks Ronald McComedy thank you everyone who supports the show on Patreon patreon.com slash little dum dum club head to little dum dum club dot com

for all the links that you need we've got the live stuff coming up around the place the solo shows the live podcasts. Tune in and check us out on the project next week.

Yes. Looking forward to seeing all you guys in Adelaide and Brisbane this weekend if you're listening to this hot off the presses. Otherwise, get your chance to come down.

We're doing, like we insist, like we keep saying, these Melbourne shows, smaller shows, the two, instead of doing four, five shows

we've done in previous years, we're only doing two shows during the afternoons of April. they're nearly nearly full already yeah guaranteed great guests then we've got of course the the game changer the 500th episode it is nearly full it is a massive theater it's nearly a thousand people yep it's going to be awesome also like we said we've got to start giving out more details about this but we have a big after party afterwards so uh that you can only come to if you've come if you've got a ticket to the earlier show. So it is going to be quite a night.

If you want to go silly, we are absolutely giving a big chance for you to do just that. Yep. All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mate.