The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 494 - Live! Mel Buttle, Cameron James & Brett Blake

Episode Date: March 24, 2020

Remember the good old days when we were allowed to do stuff like this? We're live in Brisbane with MEL BUTTLE, CAMERON JAMES and BRETT BLAKE. We battle with the audience for a little while before finding out that Tommy's been mistaken for the lead singer of one of his favourite bands. We get obsessed with Brett's daily self-pleasure routine, Mel's come straight from judging a comedy competition PLUS we get an update on Tommy's underpants commercial! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode recorded live in Brisbane with guests Cameron James, Brett Blake and Mel Buttle. We have heaps of episodes of this up at littledumbdumbclub.com. You can go through the archive and the show is also on Patreon if people want to support us, Carl. Where can they do that? They can do that at patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. And of course, we will talk further about the adventure up the back of this episode

in a segment we call Talking Dumb Dumb a segment that goes for longer than the main show itself quite regularly yes until then though enjoy this episode recorded live in Brisbane Cameron James, Brett Blake and Mel Buttle music music

music music music hey mates Hey, mates! Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Sammy Daslow and with me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler! G'day, you kids.

G'day, you kids. Welcome to the final stop of our end-of-the-world tour. It's very nice to be here. Thank you, Brisbane, for having us back. For people at home that weren't here, we did do our stand-up shows before the show once again, and you could tell that this place was prepared for our stand-up shows because it's the first place we've been in that sells earplugs.

place was prepared for our stand-up shows because it's the first place we've been in that sells earplugs. Man, and plus, like, we haven't played this venue before, it's awesome, nice. What's good is sort of the bigger we get, we have been playing bigger venues in Melbourne and all of a sudden you're playing venues that have had, like, famous people playing there and it's, like, cool, like, we're technically about to play the Athenaeum, but who the fuck knows, in Melbourne, which is like a thousand seats. Awesome.

Like, you know, 15 years ago, I saw Elvis Costello there, who I fucking love. And all of a sudden we get to play there. And, you know, same thing today. I've come in here and seen that last night there was a Korn cover band play here. And there's coming up,

there's a Black Sabbath McDonald's themed tribute band called Mac Sabbath. Oh, really? Yeah. And they've got a quote on their poster like, these guys are funny, Aussie Osborne. You'd fucking hope that's the absolute bare minimum quote you could get for the guy who you've done a parody of. What? What? What?

I'm trying to think of where that would go. Like McDonald's themed Black Sabbath. It's like, you're really think of where that would go. Like, McDonald's themed black... You're really painting yourself in a corner there. I don't know if they changed the lyrics. McCosburger Osborne? I'm trying to get something good. I don't think Aussie would be signing off on that one. What is there?

I kind of assume... Is anyone familiar with them in the crowd? Yeah, you are. Do they change the lyrics to be about McDonald's or are they just all dressed as Ronald McDonald? They're just all dressed, so they're not changing the lyrics at all. I love it. I'm 100% on board. That makes more sense.

Are they all just Ronald or have they brought the entire McDonaldland family in? Is there like a man with cheese on the drums? Grimace is playing the bass. Birdie? Does Birdie get a run? I hate Birdie, yeah. Birdie get a run? I hate Birdie. Yeah. Birdie's a shit character.

Yeah, totally. Shit character with a shit name. Grimace is the only good one, I reckon. Oh, no, the Hamburglar. Well, I mean, you've kind of got a clown and a thief. Yeah. And then you've got an anthropomorphised bird. Ooh, ooh, did we hear that one?

Anthropomorphised. No, wait. Wait, what's the... Anthropomorphised. Anthropomized. No, wait. Anthropomorphized. Anthropomorphized. Fuck, that's awesome. I thought, oh, this guy with his fancy words. Turns out, isn't even a word. It's so fancy that no one in here even knows of it yet. Anthropomized. Anthrop, fuck me. I've got the virus, guys. I can't believe you're trying to pronounce a word that means an object that can talk. Right, anyway, this fucking human bird cunt.

So you're there being like, this is a pretty lazy character, and then you get to Grimace, just a colourful shape. Yeah, yeah. That's all he is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're really running out of steam there. He just literally looks like a shit that Ronald McDonald took. Right.

Yeah. Yeah, a big post-Mackers shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's purple and it's come to life and I'm scared. Fuck. Well, you know what? If the comedy vessel wasn't cancelled after hearing that last riff, it would be cancelled now, so.

Yep. Fantastic stuff. Yeah. Brisbane. This, this, I don't know, this might be the last live show we do in a fucking fair while, so get into it. This might be the last time you

guys get to go outside for a fair while. It really feels like some people are being like, you know what, I should have self-isolated. I wanted to have this last gasp of the weekend of like, get out, but honestly, Netflix is seeming pretty good right now. Like, things are pretty fucked.

Just so you know, remember, you know, remember when we used to like, people would ask you, oh, what would you do if you, you know, you're about to die in a plane crash or you have one day to live before the world blew up? It's like, oh, I'd fuck everyone or I'd do this. No one ever said I would sit quietly and not laugh at a podcast. So you could fucking get into it, we could be all dead tomorrow, so... I mean,

we could already have the virus that the Korn cover band gave us off these mics, so... Yeah. How good would this have to go for it to descend into group sex at the end of this? What if, like, some full mandate comes in mid-show?

No-one can leave the building there for the foreseeable future. And we're all just trapped in here. We're just here podcasting for the next, like, three weeks. Yeah. This is like a cruise ship on land from then on. Every night at 8 o'clock, it's like, oh, it's time for the boys to come and do another show again.

Look, if that happens, I'm going to say, we have to break protocol. I think we're going to have to do more than five. I think we might be able to clear out all of Patreon by the time we're allowed back into the real world again. Yeah, just Patreon becomes just these people buying us beers every night to survive. Yeah, yeah.

So we're talking about bands. I went and saw a band over the weekend one of my favourite bands Hot Chip they got into the country before the band was put in place

are they still here no they're gone I went and saw them great show and then I was out the front of the Forum Theatre in Melbourne

where they played and this guy comes up to me and he goes hey were you the singer from the band

and for people listening at home if you the singer from the band? And for people listening at home, if you want to Google him, his name's Alexis Taylor. He kind of just has the same glasses as me, I guess. So I go, nah, nah, it's not me. And he goes, nah, it's you. It's definitely you. You've got the same glasses, you're small, you've got the same androgynous voice. It's you.

Yeah, but to be fair, my nan has the same glasses as you. I'm like, it's honestly not me. And he goes, nah, and he pulls out his phone, Google Images the guy, and he goes, it's you. Look, that's you. I'm like, it's not me. It's honestly... I wish it was me, but it's not me.

And he goes, well, can I get a photo with you just to be safe? Oh, yes. And I'm like, sure, why not? Yeah, great. You're going to be really oh yes and i'm like what sure why not like you're gonna be really disappointed when you show anyone who's even moderately into the band that you got a photo with alexis taylor and they go that's just some cunt yeah so and so this guy was a pundit he was he had a ticket to the show yeah how do you go to see a band that you really don't know what they look like i think

he's like must have been pretty far up the back. Right, right. So I get the photo with him and then this girl nearby sees this happen and walks over and goes, hey, I'm really sorry to be annoying, but can I get a photo with you? And I'm like, I'm not him. I'm not in the band. And she goes, if you didn't want to be bothered, you shouldn't be standing out in the street outside your own gig.

This happens three more times. So I actually haven't looked this yet, but maybe if you get on and look up, I don't know if they've like... I'd love the idea, if anyone can come across these photos and find them and send them to me. Yeah, met the singer from Hot Chip, great stuff. What's his name again?

Alexis Taylor. I feel like the whole room's doing this at this point so I'm allowed to do it yeah so look he's like yeah he's small and he has glasses and he has his hair

I mean he with yeah no but that's he has his hair short like the amount of hair he has oh you just said has his hair

if he thought like him finding out that people think this is the amount of hair he has he'd fucking kill himself, like, honestly. Okay. It's a stretch. It's a real stretch.

It's a bit of a stretch, yeah. His hair. Yeah. Shut up. I know. Yeah, okay, alright. Well, let's get some... I want to see...

You know what, folks? Get on Instagram and get some I want to see You know what folks Get on Instagram And get some photos now And put up Hey, having a great time Watching at Alexis Taylor Do his podcast in Brisbane Actually do that after the gig

Go and get pictures with Tommy Yes And then tag him into it On Instagram and stuff Right So his notification Just purely Not for content

Purely just in case You have the virus And you give it to him So That's great His notification's getting flooded Yeah With just all these photos Not for content, purely just in case you have the virus and you give it to him. That's great. His notification's getting flooded with just all these photos of some cunt that he has and no idea who it is. That's great.

All right. Let's ruin this guy's day. People think this is me. Well, at least it'll all be over soon. Yeah. Fuck. Do we need to give everyone a minute to finish Googling? I think people are Googling Alexa Sailor

and then just finding other interesting things to go down. People just putting their AirPods in. Actually, listening to Hot Chip would be better than this. We'll take those earplugs out and put the earbuds in. What do you think, guys? Is there any resemblance? No, none whatsoever? Yeah.

None, yeah. All right. Okay, all right, all right. Well,? No, none whatsoever? Yeah. None, yeah. Okay, alright. Well, glad I brought it up. It's paid dividends. Should we move on? Should we get a first guest out? Let's get our first guest out here. Folks, please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Brett Blake!

Brett Blake! G'day legends Fuck yeah Brisbane Get fired up I love this Fucking some animals It's good I'm excited to be here Last time I was on this pod in Brisbane

I believe I passed out On the Patreon episode Oh yeah that's right And then went home to my hotel And pissed my bed Last time I was on this pod in Brisbane, I believe I passed out on the Patreon episode. Oh, yeah, that's right. And then went home to my hotel and pissed my bed. So this is all good. Did you really? Yeah, yeah, it was bad.

Fuck yeah. Didn't you, because we're staying in the same hotel you fucked up, I think. Well, twice, but there's a, yeah, continue. You fucked up twice. So you pissed in it. No, because after the pod, I was on... You know, I had flu medic... I've never pissed myself in my life before. I mean, as a baby, probably.

I don't know. I have to ring Mum, but I'm pretty sure I would have nailed it straight away. But I came home, and then I had a lot of flu medication, and I went to sleep right... You know, I mean, I raided the hotel bar before I went to sleep. And then I lied down, and then I woke up right, you know, I mean I raided the hotel bar before I went to sleep

and then I lied down and then I woke up I was like, God, I'm sweaty? And this is the first time I've had a nice hotel in like ever. I was like, finally, I've made it as a comedian. I've got a double sized bed. I'm in the same hotel as Carl Chandler

who is a big old tight ass but still I was like, man, I've made it. I'm the king. And then I was like, fuck. And I just soaked the whole bed and then just had to sleep on the floor. And the worst part was in the morning, I went down because you're staying at the same hotel. And I was like, fuck. And, you know, side note, the cleaning lady was very attractive, which I noticed the day before.

And I didn't want to make eye contact with her on the way out because I've just absolutely disgraced myself. Grabbed all my stuff, and she was just waiting at the door. She goes, oh, quickly jump in and clean. I'm like, okay, bye. Went down the elevator, just wanted to get the fuck out of there. Saw Chandler in the lobby. I was like, let's go, let's go get a coffee somewhere. He's like, nah, mate, I've already ordered a coffee and breakfast.

And we had to sit in the foyer, or the foyer, whatever it's called. And I could just see the cleaning staff speaking to the front of reception. And I'm just going, oh, for fuck's sake. Oh, no. I am never, ever coming back to this hotel again. And then I had to do some promo for the British Funny Fest, RIP. And Comedy Fest, whichever one it is. Fuck who knows.

And I was like, oh, yeah, we've got you some accommodation sorted. Great, you know, on the plane, on the gas, loving it. Looked at the accommodation, it was the same fucking hotel again. Back to the scene of the crime, right? Scene of the crime, same receptionist. I'm like, oh my God, just sweating bullets. I'm like, don't fuck up, don't fuck up, don't fuck up. Then I found they had a coffee machine and vodka,

so I made a few espresso martinis. Sick. And then went out and had some rums. then i was like just casual night behave yourself chill out i think it was macgyver was on tv or something like that and i uh i was like oh just tucking with a nice bottle of red wine and just fucking spilt a whole bottle of red wine in the beds it's like a fucking massacre scene i went down. She's like, you've done something again, haven't you? I went, yes. Yes, I have. So, yeah. I like the detour in that story where it's like,

hot cleaning lady two. Fuck yeah. I just remember, I don't know why, I was like, I remember because we spent about ten minutes talking about it.

I was like, who is this angel? Yeah. Well, she might have fetishes, so you never know. She could be a big fan of me. Yeah, she probably really wanted to fuck you, but after looking at the bed went, nah, he's on his period. I came on New Year's Day very close,

the closest I've ever come to shitting myself in my house. I was having a nap. In your house? in my house. I was having a nap. In your house? In my house. I was having a nap on the couch. I was in the nude. By the way, apparently this is what we think Brisbane wants. Yeah, yeah.

If you shit yourself in your own home, you're a fucking lowbring. And you live in a one bedroom apartment. You can see the cutty. Yeah, but you want to pay $150 to piss yourself, do you? I'm cultured. I was on the couch, I was in the nude having a nap and I've got this big I've got this big ottoman thing.

A nude nap? Yeah, a nude nap. Hang on, I don't mind that. I just I'm just looking forward to it. We know you don't mind it. You walk around with your baby with a fucking erection. Fucking, that is the weirdest shit I've ever heard in my life. Well, he's got a hot cleaning lady. Can you blame him?

It's never left me. I'm looking forward to how you shoot yourself in your sleep. I've never heard of this. Yeah, so I had this, like, big kind of Ottoman footrest thing, or as it used to be called, a poof. G'day, poofs. And so I was kind of like...

It's kind of like a bit of a distance out from the couch so I was kind of lying in this weird way where I was like half on the couch had my legs up on the ottoman and I had my little bottom hanging down in the gap in the gap between the ottoman and the couch and I was like kind of drifting off and I needed to shit really bad as I was drifting off and I got really paranoid

because I started... How do you drift off when you need to take a shit? How's that relaxing? I've taken a lot of drugs the night before. Preach, my king, preach. So the fact that my ass was kind of like hanging down in an open area, I got very paranoid that as I was drifting off, my body would be tricked into thinking it was sitting on a toilet and that I was just going to wake body would be tricked into thinking it was sitting on a toilet. Right.

And that I was just going to wake up with just like a pile of shit on my floor underneath where I'd been. And just narrowly avoided it. Just like, didn't want to drift off and have myself find out that like, that's what my body's capable of. I'm just thinking of all the times

I've sat on your couch and now I want to have a shower. A cold one, because I'm too horny. By the way, for someone to call me out about walking around in a nude with an erection with my kid, backstage, not ten minutes ago, you said, I was so hungover the other day, I decided to have seven wanks

in a row. I want to get into this. Sorry, sometimes you just need to put a bit of blood in I want to get into this. Sorry, sorry. Sometimes you just need to put a bit of blood in a hog to feel alive again, all right? Shut up. I want to get into this. People, when people are hungover,

they go and get McDonald's. They don't rub seven ones out. Some of us are stallions and some of us are dorks. I was with Harley Breen and you recently and you confessed that your baseline, your absolute bare minimum in a day, is four jack-offs. No, I said on average I'm about a three.

I mean, that's still... That's huge. Oh, come on. What, are you going to fucking kink-shame me up here? Oh, come on. You all have computers? Have a look at yourself as if you don't whack off seven times a day. Come on.

No one else whacks off more than twice? Put your hand up. Oh, fuck you, Brisbane. Fuck you. Oh, the floods are coming back if you've got anything to do with it. If you're jerking off seven times a day, you're due one while we're up here.

So your schedule was, default is, eyes open in the morning, first things first, rub one out. First thing, of course your first protocol is to look after yourself in the morning. Start off the day, they said, you know, breakfast is the most important. No, a wank is, right? The most important meal of the morning. Start off the day, they said, you know, breakfast is the most important. No, a wank is, right? The most important meal of the day.

I eat cum like you for breakfast. I've got a feeling that... I've got a feeling that the bed full of wine is the best thing you've done to a bed for a while, actually. Technically the most expensive and valuable.

Alright, so when's number two creeping in? I like to go back to back sometimes. Oh, good lord. Oh, you've never heard of lube? Shut up! It's just stressing me out. So do you, if you, I was going to say, what do you do when you have an office job, but then I looked at you. And I have had an, no, it was had an office when I was in the factory on a

forklift. What do you do when you're in court? What do you think the judge has a wig for? It makes absolutely no sense, but I love it. That's the cadence of a joke, but not a joke.

Oh, we're talking about cadence of joke? I just heard you do an hour of stand-up. Shut the fuck up. Oh! Oh! A wind is just a strong bit of air moving or some shit. Shut up! Fucking hell. My show's at 7.30 if you want to see a masterclass. Or if you want to cop one in the face I thought I was doing a bit of wanking on stage before I just like to get the system out, pumping, you're good to go What system? What pump is this? This is pumping? What is pump?

Start the day off with a little cheeky one, and then you... Now that I've heard it's cheeky, I'm back on board. I'm very coy about it. I'm like, oh, I'm a cheeky little boy. Sort of like how Ricky Gervais would do it. Yes, exactly. Yeah, yeah, nice.

What's your average then? Like one, if that. Like one. One before bed. I feel like a real librarian. Now I'm going to question you on what is fucking weird. Well, what do you think the judge wears a wig for? Fuck.

It's actually pretty good. It's a good get out of jail free card. I was trying to think. I was like, what's in a judge's room that could be something to do with cum and then that'll work anywhere

except in court hammering the thing hammering your dick no wig no it's not a thing come on

comedy's hard I think the court objects to you yeah I don't care what you think he can't formulate it he's only on five today

he's not operating at full capacity yet. I'm in a horny cloud. I don't know what to do. Yeah, but having a wank before you go to bed, that's the worst thing in the world because you can't sleep. You're just horny. What? No. The opposite. You can't sleep because you're horny. You have a wank

and you go night-night. A wank makes me more horny. What? Okay. Hence why I do seven. So in your logic, in your logic, cumming makes you want horny. What? Okay. Hence why I do seven. So in your logic, I never wank up. In your logic, cumming makes you want to cum. Yes.

Looking down, this gives me an idea. As it's coming out, you're like, this is turning me on. I don't wank up to 5pm. I'll have what she's having. Hang on, hang on, hang on.

Hang on. We've got a new fucking weird point. Hang on, a new wrinkle. We've got a new weird point. Wait, should we get... Yeah, we should get some. Should we get a... No, because he's going to bully me as well.

Please welcome back our little Dumb Dumb Club, Cam James! Yeah! Support you this in case you need to rub one out while you're up here. Sorry, if it's not a judge's wig, I won't know what to do with it. Cam, pardon the poor choice of words, but we need a hand with this one.

That gave me a fucking anxiety attack to hear. I felt like I was watching Uncut Gems or some shit. It was just like, I wake up, I wank, I know I need to stop, I go again. This is me. This is how I come. This is how I come. Hang on

Hang on So we've found a new Okay A new thing Which is you don't No wanking up to 5pm Yeah because Then you get horny again

And you want to go again No No Brett no When you come You are not horny I'm sorry The men up here are laughing

But the women are like Oh someone who comes And then wants to fuck again. Yes, the perfect boyfriend ever. I don't go to the men. I want to fuck again. Brecht. Yes, queen.

Brecht. She wants to fuck again because she didn't come. Look, can't be clean with both. Trust me, dude. We're not arguing whether it's good or not. We're just trying to find some logic in it. At the moment, you're saying, I don't touch water because it makes me thirsty.

You know, I don't like these metaphors. They confuse me. I have a full sit-down meal. I'm starving. No, because I get Randy again. No, don't say Randy. Randy's great. I'm back on board.

I'm bringing the word back. What's the worst part about this for me is I'm sleeping in the hotel room next to you and I've been wondering this whole time what that weird chlorine-y smell was. How many times have you jacked off while I'm literally one bit of plaster away from you? Well, today I...

What do you want? What do you want today? Let's stick to today. It's even funnier because you know how we had like a half an hour window? I was like, I'll have a quick shower and then we'll meet up and go to dinner. No, you didn't. You didn't! Oh my God.

You did not. You produced a quick shower, alright? You did not You produced a quick shower alright How many do you estimate you would have done In the time span of the pandemic so far I mean When was patient zero Recorded

Patient zero is when Kappa was in China Yeah That is patient zero That fucking filthy ass tux going everywhere That asshole must be copying Imagine having no toilet paper Yeah, that is patient zero. That fucking filthy-ass tux going everywhere. That asshole must be copying it. Imagine having no toilet paper and Nick Capa's B.O. Just ass and B.O. together.

The tuxedo traveller is going to Wuhan. The tuxedo traveller will eat a bat. And fuck a snake. Oh, man, I love Husey. I don't know him. Anyway, Cam, you got any good stories? No, you jacked off next to me, dude. What the fuck?

What do you want? Oh, don't say it like that. There's walls between us. What do you want today? Two. Two. Two jacks. Oh, no, three.

Three. I, right. I want to know what happened to that third one where you nearly didn't count it. Yeah, yeah. No, because I forgot I did a back-to-back. Oh, right, right. Do you love the back-to-back? That is wild to me. It's like, fuck, what are you, a Van Halen masturbator?

Just like... Bring back the judges, wee! Bring back the judges, wee! I don't want to judge you too much, bro. We're all dealing with coronavirus in our own ways. We're all creating it in our different ways. Oh, my throat's sore. I'll have to come the virus out of myself.

Well, all I'm saying is I don't have it, so... Why do I tell you fuckers anything? It just comes... I'm sure I have more questions. I'm exhausted just hearing about this. Harley Breen's show this year said he came out saying he was exhausted not because he has kids

or a busy touring schedule, it's because he just heard how many times I masturbate a week. Which is not funny, but factual. Yeah. We were, so the Comedy Festival got called off because of coronavirus. The Melbourne

Comedy Festival, that is. Sorry if you didn't know about that. I didn't, this is news to me. Sorry, man. I thought it was festival flu that was going around. But we, the day it was called off, we had like three different phone calls Me and you were on the phone for like an hour all up

Just talking about all the different permutations Wild rollercoaster Like fuck you And ha ha ha And then oh we're poor Ha ha ha Oh fuck So how many times on that phone call Brett?

Oh Let's just say the amount of times I averaged And the amount of phone calls I gave you Were the exact same number Three phone calls We We were were the exact same number. Three phone calls. We were talking for a long time. There was just a long conversation there at one point where all we were doing was having this big fantasy about,

all right, well, we're both going to Thailand. Fuck this. Let's just get out. We spent like 20 minutes talking about going to Thailand instead of dealing with anything here. Because the flights are so fucking cheap at the moment. And I was like, man, if you go to Copenhagen, well, you're not going to get sick there, you know?

And there's like a jungle law or some shit. Just fight someone for a joint at fucking Amsterdam Bath. And I was living the dream. I loved it. Yeah, and my wife was listening to it the whole time. And then I'd get off the phone and go, you're not fucking going back there. And no, I remember hearing you at one point saying,

I'm just on the phone to my lawyer and he thinks it's a good idea to go. I was like, that is a wild call, but cool. That 10-hour flight, though, that'd eat into the schedule for you. Oh. What, you've never joined the Solo Mile High Club? No.

Are you kidding me? I don't even shit on planes, man. Are you a frequent flyer? I've only... No. Well, now I might get banned from the lounge. I don't think the lounge counts. No, I've had a number of them in a plane before.

Well, it starts with an F, so it's probably 40. No, because you might remember the Cody episode when I got fucking maggot on the plane with Nick Cody, got me in the lounge, passed out of the plane, the tea trolley ran over my foot because I was passed out, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and then woke up and then go, oh, Cody, what are you doing

here? He's like, I was drinking with you for 10 hours beforehand. Don't remember. You go, Cody, where are you going? Like, you were going to two different places on a plane. Oh, man, that was a good flight. But yeah, I had to have one of those in the plane then. I woke up and I was like, just to feel normal

again. Just a palate cleanser. Just to sober yourself up. I'm not the only one. I think we're pretty quickly discovering you are the only one. Fuck. It's just have some fucking self-control.

I'm not trying to judge you, but you're a fucking disgusting person. We can't just all do what we want to do all the time. That's how it's fucking sick. Yeah, you and Louis C came in. Yeah, there's no one fucking locked into a corner. It's just me and my sad thoughts, you know?

I'm in the corner. I'm in the room next door. I'm a victim. And I'm quitting comedy as a result. I'm cancelling my whole Melbourne Comedy Festival show. I'm cancelling the whole run. No refunds. Cam, you are going to have the worst sleep tonight

just knowing what's probably happening on the other side. No, no, no. No waking after 5pm. Oh, okay. Right, right, right. Hang on. Sorry, I didn't catch that. You have a cuddle.

There's a curfew. Yeah, well, I mean... Bring her out. Please welcome to the stage Mel Buttle. Hi. Hello, darling. Sorry I'm late. Grandma's been raped.

What? What did she say? What did she say? Yeah, you know, from... I know. Yeah, Mr G. Thank you very much. Oh, wow.

Thank you very much. But where's... What have we got here? Someone's delivered shots to the stage for us. What are they of? Let me guess. Fireball? It's delivered shots to the stage for us. What are they of? Let me guess. Fireball? It's straight up COVID-19.

Nice. We're going to jackass this shit. I don't know. I don't see a lemon, lime and bitters on that tray. So to catch you up, Mel. Yeah, babe, what have I missed? Brett Blake jacks off seven times a day. Yep. Welcome. Yep.

Yep. Yes. Yes? Yes, you do, don't you, Brett? I didn't want to bring it up, but... Is that seven times a day, seven days a week? No, no, no. I've only hit the seven... I haven't hit the seven in a long time, but I hit the seven four days ago after

I had an absolute fucking bender and then had to feel normal again. But I said on average three times. I think three is normal. I think everyone else here is wrong. Three a day? Yeah. You can't say three is normal

and everyone else is wrong. Everyone else defines what normal is. It's a weird socioeconomic group here. If you were doing something in statistics, you wouldn't use this as data or something. I'm trying to sound smart. How did it go? So we're already on comes and it's not even 5pm.

That's great. Well, we started on shitting ourselves. Oh, that reminds me. You've got about seven minutes left before your cut-off, right? Oh! Get back there, big boy. If we can all convince Brett to go jack off in the about seven minutes left before you cut off right oh get back there big boy we can get if we can all convince brett to go jack off in the next seven minutes honestly in the next seven

minutes i'll buy a uh hang on i'll buy a round of shots for everyone in here oh i'm not gonna wildly getting wildly getting judged by a dude who's jacked off a fucking bull and you're calling me out on shit? Yes, I am. I didn't then do it five more times that day. Brett, do six minutes, buddy. There's a reason why that bull's got depression. Do you reckon you, honestly,

if we sent you out the back, you could get it done in the next seven minutes? I am not doing that. Brett, you can do it. It's fucking disgusting. What would Johnny Knoxville do? Everyone wants you can do it. What would Johnny Knoxville do? Everyone wants you to do it. Brett, Brett, Brett, Brett,

Jack that dick off. Jack that dick off. Jack that dick off. Jack that dick off. Jack that dick off. Jack that dick off. This is all I hear when I jack off anyway, so it doesn't make any difference.

Come on, Brad, you're the king, baby. Brad, you just bring me toot. I'm looking forward to your sequel to Nanette. Just as we were all screaming that, I looked into the second row and there was a very sad-looking pregnant lady. Just going, what if this thing turns into that? Just imagining like a someone here.

Also, if your partner did more than I did, you probably wouldn't have that bump. Good Lord. Good Lord. There's a lot to unpack there and I'm so sorry and I'll buy you a drink. I just said I'm going to buy you a drink after the show. There's a soda water. Anyway. Come on, get back there. It'll be good. Back then, I'm so sorry. I just said I'm going to buy you a drink after the show. There's a soda water. Anyway, yeah. Come on, get back there.

It'll be good. Man, to be honest, I've already, when you were chanting, I was like, yeah, I'm going to do it. And then I was like, oh, there's no toilet back there. So I have standards. So what? I'm going to jack off on a podcast. That's weird.

We're not asking you to do it on a podcast. We're asking you to do it near a podcast. Yeah, yeah. While listening to the podcast. Oh, what's happening here? Mel's gonna jack off! Finger blast it! Finger blast it! Finger... Oh, my God.

Oh, God. She couldn't do your record, I'm afraid. I think, you know, she'd rub her little fucking bean off. She actually has gone to the toilet. Turn a bean into a grain. Wear it down the nub. Good Lord. This is the weirdest day of my life.

It is. You're not the one with people talking about how much you please yourself. It is performance anxiety if you're backstage, because I'm sure we would then still keep yelling out. I don't think I've ever had performance anxiety. Oh, no? Yeah, no. Prove it.

Prove it. Prove it. Prove it. Prove it. The poor lady at the bar is just going, fuck no. I'm not jacking off, dudes. That's weird.

For once. On average, it's weirder for you to not jack off. And also, you know, oh, fuck, I was hoping it was past five. Damn. You got five minutes. You got five minutes. No, it's alright.

I might jack up later. Yeah, I mean we're grown-ups. We can do it at night. We can do it any time we want. You're a fucking full-bledged psycho if you whack off and go to bed. That's weird. No, no, no, no.

You're talking about... There's no position to be throwing around. That's why people have sex at night, Brett. It's only, it's like a night time activity. Yeah, but then you have a couple because you're excited and then you wake up in the middle of the night and go again. I guess so, yeah.

Can't argue with that. First sensible thing he said. Can someone else bring a story? I just want this attention off me, thank you. No, he's shy. I feel bad. I'm sorry for chanting Jack that dick off. To be honest, attention off me. Thank you. No, he's shy. I feel bad. I'm sorry for chanting Jack that dick off. To be honest, it made me pretty horny. Alright,

see you in five! I honestly have no regrets whatsoever. I don't reckon I could get a chub after that chant. Anyway, I don't know why I kept speaking. I feel like Mel left just to give us an opportunity to get it all out of our system. She's back and we're still going on.

Welcome back, buds. Yep, still on Brett's come. Yeah. No, I've just come from Class Clowns. Clang, how did I get that? So to explain, that's like a comedy festival thing where you teach young children how to do comedy. Is that sort of it?

Yeah, like high school-aged children. And it went over time because they do not know how long five minutes is. So I was just busting for a wee wee. So it was Brisbane, open mic, youth. Any highlights? State final. State final. One of the highlights was a teacher from a school.

Are they allowed to compete as well? Yeah, I thought that's like serious. Teachers are like, fuck it, I'm getting up. I'm funnier than these little punks. You know when you've got a playground journey and Graham comes up to you. No, it's... Well, okay. So, the Melbourne Comedy Festival is quite PC. It's quite lefty.

That's no secret, right. What does PC stand for? Poof cunt? Poofing cunts. Yeah. What does PC stand for? Poof cunt? Poofy cunts. Yeah. Yep. Sorry, I've had a shot. Someone's given me a shot. Even if I did have a wank,

that wouldn't have been the worst thing that was said on this podcast. What if you were trying to wank backstage as you heard Poof cunt? I would have made me shoot through that fucking wall. Finally, the people are saying what we really think. You know what? Literally last night, we were in Adelaide.

We were having a beer with Will Anderson. Clang. Clang. And he was like saying, you know what I like about your podcast? It's like, you know when people say you can't say anything anymore and you've got to be politically correct? You know what? You can say whatever you want.

Because look at your podcast. You're fucking all over the joint. And I was like thinking, no, we're not, aren't we? And then I just woke up in the middle of this episode and went, yeah, we're fucked. We're those people. We are those people. No one starts a sentence on this podcast with,

as a woman. Unless it's, as a woman, I'm a slut. As a woman, I'm scared of everyone in this room. As a woman, I can a slut. As a woman, I'm scared of everyone in this room. As a woman, I can cum seven times a day. So, all right, we've got teachers. So a teacher got involved with me in a debate. She was from, I won't name the school, Nambour State College.

Nambour is near Gympie, for the listeners. Oh, you can't say that. No? Not anymore. Sorry, I'll retract that statement. Nambour is near Gympie for the listeners Oh you can't say that No Not anymore Sorry I'll retract that statement That's 2 PC postcode And her particular student Her entrant in the class clowns

Had a joke like This will do it no justice I'm no performer The girl who was 15 goes, do you reckon Bruce Jenner designed Ken dolls? Because it's like his dick got cut off. I mean, that's pretty good. Um...

What was your feedback on that? My feedback based on that and some other comments regarding LGBTQI, Indigenous, trans, vegans. I said, hey... Who's left? I said, look, just some general feedback. I said, some of the judges may be from some of those communities that you've mentioned.

And the teacher, like, straight in, she's not bloody making fun of anyone. Ava would not offend a soul. She's making fun of the bureaucracy that those minorities are getting tied up in. And I was like, oh, okay, good luck. She's not going to win because I'm in charge, but anyway. You've offended a lesbian, so good luck, guys.

But no, I sort of, I'd hate to say this, but I feel the... Not her, but the incorrect person won. And this is a safe space to say this. The person who won got it because they had a very obvious disability. Congratulations, Brett. That's how good my comedy is. I'm over here and I still win over there, baby. 7.30, Brisbane Powerhouse.

I probably will be back and won't want to do the show, so fuck you. For a change. Good Lord. So you would not have given the award to the disabled person, is what you're saying? Not on your belly, Cameron. No.

Are you saying you hate disabled people? Yeah. Are you saying they... You've actually offended my community. Yes, don't get me taken out of context. I don't like them. They might put me off my lunch. I don't know what...

Tommy's got a lot of editing to do with this one. I'm going to say it now. peace dance for Pooftacats. I'm just texting Will Anderson, sorry for doubting you. As if he's given you his number. Facebooking. Do you want to hear another good joke? This one's a bit of a thinker. This one's a bit Melbourne in style.

So you check out Brett. I'm sorry. I love you, buddy. I didn't mean that. This guy goes, Hitler. Yeah, he did a really good thing. He did a great thing. He actually killed six million brain cells when he blew his brain out.

That's pretty good. Pretty political, pretty edgy. And I said, whoa, too soon. A little twist at the end there. Yeah. This is school children doing these jokes. That was a child? He was hot.

He was like, I don't know. He was hot. Yeah. You know when you can tell they fucked? Like, he'd fucked, you know. Or he'd at least fingered, for sure. Oh, for sure. Yeah.

He'd gone to a couple of the bases. He was... He'd gone a couple of knuckles there. Great. 16, I think. Yeah, 16. It'd be great if the contestants in Class Clowns had to start all their sets by saying their name, their age, the school they're from, and what base they've got. Yeah.

Yeah. What, if you were... Hang on, if you're masturbating that much now, what about you at age 14, 15? Oh, my God. Good Lord. Did you... Is that... Is that why this is wrong with you?

Because you never went to school? You were just too busy at home the whole time? To be a fly in your cum. I really... To be a fly on your tissue. There's been many... No, I think I was a late bloomer to the jerk-off. Oh, really?

Yeah. Sorry, everyone, for getting us back to this, but yeah. Yeah, but now I'm just going to tell you a masturbation story that you don't want to hear and then we're back in it. Alright, we'll do that and then we'll get out. I promise. I'll get you out. The first time I jacked off, I didn't know your dick needed to be hard.

Oh my God. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw it on American Pie or something and I was like, yeah man, I'll give it one of those. And I just got a dick rash. Because I was just rubbing a soft... Anyway, enjoy getting out of that. It's like you're fucking kneading dough or something.

I like how your first masturbation session was inspired by American Pie, where you just... Have you seen that Brazilian girl, that thing? No, but I thought you were wanking over him just fucking a pie. Yeah. Oh, you can do that.

Calm down, I'm not fucking Nick Carr. That'd be funnier if everyone knew who Nick Carr was. It's the guy in the back selling the shirts. I was just saying to Cam James, it's so bad, because I know Classic Channel, like, hey, Nick, what are you doing during the live podcast? So what are you doing this Sunday? He'd be like, I'm available, can I come on the pod?

And you'd be like, yeah, we actually just need someone to sell the shirts at the back he's not selling the shirts I wouldn't trust him with that alright everyone

got serious alright back to fucking Brett pulling his dick okay I want to hear more jokes from the children

because they're the future so you're the voice of reason over there so you're the lefty me?

yeah aren't you I mean you're the one saying no to Hitler So you're the voice of reason over there. So you're the lefty. Yeah, aren't you? Oh, am I? Aren't you? I mean, you're the one saying no to Hitler jokes. You're queer presenting. I'm queer? You're straight presenting. Straight presenting, you're this.

No. You're right. Sorry, I know you're still grieving from the Melbourne Comedy Festival being cancelled, so I'm sorry. Yeah, I wasn't going to do it this year anyway. I sucked in. I've lost money. Oh, my heart bleeds for you.

What's another joke? A girl had a... In her words, she described herself as one-quarter Chinese, right? And her joke was, hi, my name's Emma, I'm one quarter Chinese. Then she goes, but don't worry, I've only got a quarter of the coronavirus. I think that's pretty good. Remind me of one of your bits,

actually. Oh, really? Which bit? The bit where I go, hi, I'm a quarter Chinese. I can't remember all their jokes, but I just remember the judges were taking a really long time to make a decision, and so you have to do stand-up to fill in the time while the judges are deciding and I was rapidly running out of jokes

I could say that didn't end in like cunt or licking puss or something. So very strange and it got to the point where the tech realised that all, I had nothing left and she goes, they might just put some house music on. Yes, fuck, thank you. So who are the judges?

Who are the judges of comedy in Queensland, if you're not one of them? Yeah, anyone who could turn up. It was a woman who's in an improvisation troupe, so you know she knows her shit. Some woman who works at the powerhouse. Right. And a guy...

Not the venue, just the actual powerhouse. Whatever's okay. And a guy with mixed sexuality from Toasted TV. If you have kids, you might know him. Sounds like quite the brain strut. Yeah. Deciding the future of comedy Yeah

So they picked the wrong person There was a really good guy in there Who's been doing open mic in Brisbane Who like Like not professionally You know he's been I forget he's 16 I'm like do you want a beer Sammy

And he's been around the circuit And he's really funny And I put him on last to headline And he didn't win Maybe he didn't win Because his dad is Arabic. Hmm. Racist. Yeah. Yeah. Did they know

that? Yeah, he talked about it and stuff. Oh, okay. Yeah. And so I went off. I was like, I've got to get to a podcast but if I had time. Cam, Cam James, you've been in Brisbane for the week are you enjoying Brisbane? Fucking love Brisbane

love it up here what do you love about it? I love it every time I come here I come to my favourite cafe the Glory Jeans at the airport I love it

fucking love it I say give me the mocha it's a drink it's a real Brisbane special yeah I go give me the mocha then I get diarrhoea I have that at the airport too

and how many times a day? seven times nice wow trying to match Brett preach my king preach every time Brett comes

I shit myself a little turd angel gets us if I could have a wank backstage otherwise it would be very bad for you oh yeah what if we got you two

to race off backstage I love it here it's been crazy otherwise I'd be very bad for you. Oh, yeah. What if we got you two to race off backstage? I love it here. It's been crazy watching everyone... Oh, too much for some people. Yeah. It's been crazy watching everyone deal with the outbreak, but I actually quite... I fucking kind of like it a little bit, I think.

I kind of like that we're all connected by one thing now. You know what I mean? Like, you can get in an Uber and you just have a conversation about coronavirus. You're such a Uber chatter. I've been in Ubers before with you. And I go hi, I'm a comedian.

Any questions? Yes. What I do is like more high art than the other stuff you see. Any questions? I bring out my YouTube. I plug in. Plug in. Like, let's play a couple of clips.

Yeah, you're too chatty in Ubers. You're too friendly. Like, you're this close to being like, let's, uh, you're on Facebook? Like, that's where you're nearly at. You're the one making the drivers think that the rest of us fucking want that. I sometimes get in an Uber. I go, you know what? You get in the backseat.

I'll drive. Out of the way. Out of the way. Take a load off. You've been working hard. Are you a tipper? Are you an Uber, I go, you know what, you get in the back seat, I'll drive. Get out of the way. Get out of the way. Take a load off. You've been working hard. Are you a tipper? Are you an Uber tipper? No, no fucking way.

They get a chat from me and that's the tip. Yeah. I pretend to be interested in their family life. Sorry if anyone here drives Uber, but I will get a ride with you later, I guess, and we'll talk. I've been liking it. Does anyone drive Uber here? It'd have to be. No?

Or Sheba. Don't be exclusionary, Carl. All right. Sheba's not as big in Brisbane. It's women only and it's bike women and it's four women, yeah. Oh, that's not cool. When are we going to get taxis for men? I know.

I drive Uber for a while. Oh, did you? Yeah, I was an Uber driver for like about a week. A week. Hang on. Hang on, let me guess why you had a car. Well, let's just say it was two incidences. Someone looked on their app and went,

why is this little symbol of a car ejaculating? No, I drive it. Well, I was like, oh, man. This is like about two or three years ago. I was a bit broke. I was like, oh, you this is like about two or three years ago. I was a bit broke. I was like, oh, you know, go out and work. And then I was like, the first person that come in the car, he spilled like a full kebab in the car. And I was like, get the fuck out of my car, man.

He's like, no, you've got to drive me here. And then I just nearly got in a fist fight with him on the side of the road. And the other one was there was a guy. I worked at this real expensive house in Toorak. And I could see him. I rang. I was like, hey, man, sit at the front. And I could see because of all these glass windows out the front.

It was like a moat coming over his fucking palace that he fucking lived in. I was like, this fucking piece of shit, right? And I rang him. I was like, hey, man, I'm at the front. He goes, oh, sorry. I've just got some washing on. It's got to fix. And I could see.

And I hang up. And I could see through the glass window that he's just standing there just texting someone i was like oh you motherfucker right and he got down his little elevator i see him go down in the elevator come across the fucking moat thing over the bridge and then i wind the window down i was like uber for steve and he goes yeah and i just fucking drove off like fuck you, cunt! Brett. And then I left.

And that was your last attempted fare? Yeah. The end of Brett's Uber career? Yeah. That was the last time I ever... Didn't you get... That reminds me. Didn't you get spotted by fans in Adelaide?

You were in Adelaide like last week or the week before. By listeners of the show? Well, I was worried because I got a phone call from Kappa saying, hey man, someone's got some pretty funny photos of you on one of those lime scooters doing something dumb. And I was like, oh no.

Because I distinctly remember doing three dumb things on a lime scooter that weekend. And I was like, oh man, did someone one of them I needed to pee but I wanted to pee. But I wanted to get home. And I happened to be driving through a park at the same time. So no one was hurt.

Anyway, figure the rest out. Hang on, were you peeing off a scooter? Yeah, I was peeing and driving at the same time. You were not. What? Absolutely yes. Just turn it to your side. You've never walked in pissed before.

Okay, but... It's the same on a scooter. By that exact logic, you can also lime and jack off. You guys will see me on Melbourne around Christmas night. I was like, oh, fuck. And then I was like, oh, maybe it was a funny thing I yelled at a police officer on the scooter. Which was what? Pigs!

No, it was funny, and you guys will appreciate it, because I was maggot, but I was driving my missus. She was on the front of the thing. There's no alcohol restrictions on that. If there is, please delete this bit out. So I was driving. Hang on, you were dinking your girlfriend. Girlfriend's on the front.

I'm dinking can of beer. On the scooter. Yes. Right. I drive motorbikes of beer. On the scooter. Yes. Right. I drive motorbikes. You think something's gone 13 kilometres an hour fucking scares me. Anyway. Are we in Third Rock from the sun?

Did you get to Earth like a week ago? Just everything. Whatever. I was having a good time. And right then. Obviously, you're a gentleman. You weren't pissing in front of your girlfriend on the scooter. I'm not an animal.

So, and then I saw the flashing lights of like a booze bus. I was like, oh, no. But it was like a cop car and then a couple of police on horses, right? And I was like, oh, fuck it, right? And then this person on a horse, a cop on a horse, yells out, you're only allowed one person per vehicle. But I realised she was on a Clydesdale and they can't turn around easy. They're a

nightmare of a horse. So I just went, see ya, mate! And kept going. But the actual photo was, and fuck, it was a good highlight of my day, right, so I was on the scooter, bike path, coming into Adelaide Fringe, and then there's a taxi driver pulled up next to me he goes hey mate just so you know you can't actually ride these things on the road and I went cool mate thanks right look forward he goes well yeah hey hey hey why aren't you why are you getting off the road huh why don't you get off the road now huh I've just told you you can't do it I said sorry he goes yeah I've just told you get off the road I've just told you can't do this get off the road why aren't you listening to me I was like mate the reason why i'm not

listening to you it's because on the side of your car it says taxi not fucking police he goes i've got a camera here i'm recording you i'm recording here i went fuck off cunt and then the dum-dum fan got me flipping the guy off, and then just riding away smiling. I've never been happier, because I love a random fight with a person. I nearly went in a full circle around to the taxi rank and went, dude, how sick was that? I wanted to hug him.

It was a great moment. Questions? I've got a lot. I don't know if we have time. Yeah, none from me. Mel? No, pretty self-explanatory. All stories in NC, you cunt!

I've got it. I've got it. Let me follow up on something that I talked about on the show a couple of weeks ago. Brett, you might have heard this. Cam and Mel, you wouldn't have. What about me? You don't listen. Oh, you might have heard this. Cam and Mel, you wouldn't have. What about me? You don't listen. Oh, you don't listen back?

What about Carl? Yeah. Has Carl heard it? Carl's heard. Maybe Carl doesn't remember. Will I remember? Yeah. You tell him I'll remember.

Will you tell me? Yeah, I'll tell you the story and then you tell me if you remember. Okay. Jesus Christ. So about a month ago, I got an email I got asked to audition for an underwear commercial

I remember this This was going to be me lit off in my jocks in a national underwear cabinet Going through a global financial crisis and you reckon your rig's going to save it? I didn't know Pindy Gundies were doing ads now

That's great Tommy, are you sure I didn't know pin dick undies were doing ads now. That's great. Tommy, are you sure I was from an actual like casting agent because a lot of the women in comedy reckon you've got a huge dick

and this could be like a scheme to get to see your dick. Very interesting. Yeah, very interesting. Or they could just try and fuck Tommy. That would be easier.

Imagine. No, thanks. Oh, right. No one would go that far in the meetings. Okay, so yeah. I got asked to do this audition and I talked about it that I just got the email

and I read something about could not think of anything funnier for this show than me being the face of this underwear. Yes. So I go in to do the audition and it's like me and another guy who's like gorgeous, just this gorgeous ripped dude. And it's me and him, and we go into this room to do the audition, and they've got a camera on us,

and me and him are doing the lines back and forth, and it's like two men in a locker room, so we're going back and forth. Oh, dude, this is not a commercial. And there was like a casting couch in the background. What was the dialogue? Hey, tight little asshole. So, do a read of the ad. Get to the end of it.

And then the guy filming it... So what... The guy filming, of course. Yeah, the guy filming the audition. The guy filming, one-handed. One-handed. Did you not ask questions when the location was public toilet?

You really jump in the gun on the story. Oh, okay. He gets to... I couldn't hear him through the glory hole. Yeah. So we do a run and then the guy running the audition goes

oh sorry I don't think I made this clear we want you to be doing the audition in your underwear so we're going to need both of you to get your clothes off. And I go, seriously? And he's like, yes. So we both get undressed

and then I'm standing there just talking to the guy running it like, are you sure this is an audition? This feels like a hidden camera show. This honestly feels like a prank show. And he's like, why would you say that? like I've disrespected his art I don't know man, something about this just feels so fucked

Blakey, you've got to be horny by now I've just seen these scenes so many times in pornos, it's hilarious man, you know what, if the feeling takes over you remember, it's always 5pm somewhere I reckon by the end of this story Blakey's average is going to be down to 1 Man, you know what? If the feeling takes over, you remember, it's always 5pm somewhere. I reckon by the end of this story, Blakey's average is going to be down to one.

So anyway, do the audition. Kind of, you know, leave and think, oh, you know, whatever. So, can I ask the dialogue? Can I ask? Yes. What were you saying in your underwear to another man in his underwear? What was your character's name?

Motivation. Yeah. I probably shouldn't say. Oh, really? Yeah. Any form? Is it those ads that are on all the time? Just like step one underpants and it's...

No, it's basically two guys chatting in a locker room and they're talking about something else that's like a euphemism for their cocks. You know what I mean? It's basically like two guys, one cup. It's like... I don't want to give it away, but it's a very popular brand. It's that kind of clever ad sort of thing where it's like,

oh, it's actually about... In that this is a clever podcast. Yeah, the very same way you know the kind of ad where you can just say whatever you want oh cool you know all the people

that think that you can't say anything in ads anymore yeah this ad proves them wrong yeah so yeah do the ad don't really kind of think about it too much

and then a week later I get the email you're on the short list oh hang on is that a review of what they saw yeah I mean

your choice of words by then. The other guy's on the longlist, I think. I'm on the girth list and I'm pretty good at it. You're on the shortlist. You're not being considered for the role, but yeah. We're just keeping

tally. We've just made a little notch on the wall and that's it. The guy running the audition was like, that's the smallest thing I've ever had in my mouth, I'll have you know. Sir, your manners are atrocious. So I'm like, okay, cool. This seems good.

This seems like I'm going to get it. And so then they emailed me. Oh, you're going to get it. Oh, yeah. And then I'm being emailed during the week, and then they're like, oh, the shoot date might change. Is that okay? Can you do this date instead?

I'm like, great. This goes on for a week and a half. This is too much. I mean, I could have jumped in on shoot date, but I won't. Yeah. I know. I won't. What were you going to say, Carl?

You can shoot in my date? Yeah. That's where I went. That's where I went. That's where I went, but I was like, just hold. I wasn't saying that. I was saving it for class clowns. So, yeah, they keep emailing me about the dates and moving the date and everything.

I'm like, great, yeah, cool, all good. I'm thinking, fuck, I'm having a lot of contact with these guys. This goes on for like two weeks. And then finally, you didn't get it. I didn't get the underwear ad. And so, I didn't want to name... We have to note the lack of surprise from people here

hearing Tommy Dasol is not the face of a new nationwide underwear commercial. Honestly baffling. When I talked about getting asked to do the audition, I didn't want to name the brand, because you're not meant to, but Bonds can go fuck themselves. Honestly,

there is now a podcast wide boycott on Bonds underwear. Anyone out there, if you're wearing them now, fucking take them off, get them out, burn them out the front. Bonds can go fuck themselves, because they fucked me over an audition recently as well. I had to rock

up and I said, look, we want some young, attractive men to come up in underwear. And so I was like, cool. I was like, yeah, maybe if I lost a few kilos, it's going to be fucking sick. It's going to be great. Rocked up to the audition. I was like, you know, young, attractive man, 25. I'm like, yeah, fair enough.

I'm 33. Whatever. Who gives a fuck? I had ripped the lid audition and I was like, you know, young, attractive man, 25. I'm like, yeah, fair enough, I'm 33, whatever, who gives a fuck, right? I had ripped the lid off and I started reading the lines and the lady from Bonds went, oh, hang on. No, no, no. We've sent you the wrong script.

Your character is a dad bod, age 45. I was like, you motherfuckers. I thought you were going to say they fucked you over

because their product name has more than four letters in it and you couldn't read it. It does. Did have to count in my head, B. So, were you going for the same ad? Is this what was happening? That sounds like the same fucking ad, you idiot. How long ago was this? Nah, it's about...

It would be about a year and a half, technically. Okay, God. Brad, do you remember jacking off during that commercial audition at all? Look, if I did, God. Brett, do you remember jacking off during that commercial audition at all? Look, if I did, I would have got the job. Like, this guy gets it done seven times a day. So, I was devastated, right? I really wanted to do this.

Yep. So, I'm figuring now I'm a free agent, okay? Any other underwear brand out there that wants me, they can have me. And so, to try and sell it, I've written an ad. I've written an ad. My underwear brand of choice, this is just a suggestion, but my underwear brand of choice is I get the Uniqlo briefs.

Maybe if they want me. Any underwear brand. I'm going to need a bit of help reading this out. Would you guys all indulge me in reading this out? I need help reading something, Brett. So you've all got little rolls. This is an underwear ad that I've written Do you have your special dyslexia glasses, Brett?

Oh yeah There's a red light behind me, I'm good You'll be alright? Okay Bigger font wouldn't hurt anyone So Carl, you're reading the stage directions So here we go On this script, I'm Carl Yeah, yeah

Right, okay I think I can follow that Yep, okay, alright So I'm the narrator Yeah, yeah, you're doing the yeah. Right, okay. I think I can follow that. Yep. Okay, all right. So I'm the narrator? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're doing the stage directions. Right, okay. We open on a truck stop.

Okay. Okay. Two moderately attractive men, brackets probably around a six and a seven if I personally had to rate their attractiveness, end brackets. Is that what I think? Is that what I'm supposed to think? You read it, so yes.

Damn. Hang on, Blakey, legally does that stack up? Sorry, I'm too busy having anxiety attacks. I'm trying to go over the next page. You should have printed it on blue paper, for fuck's sake. Two moderately attractive men, both truckers, are hanging out

in the bathroom. Greetings, fellow truckers. And greetings to you, fellow trucker. I trust you've had a prosperous day of trucking. I have. Strangely, you're speaking in such short sentences. Almost like whoever wrote this doesn't trust you to read out more than three words at a time.

Fuck you, cunts. Anyway, seeing as how we're both truckers in a public bathroom, shall we commence what we came here for? A good old-fashioned bumming. Yay! Yes. Nailed it, King. Nailed it. Dude, I've got two from two, three from three.

Fantastic. Wait a minute. What's this say on the wall here? For a good time, call this number Well if there's one thing us truckers love It's a good time Let's call the number 0-4-3-8

Suddenly Suddenly the public toilet is filled with a blinding flash of light An absolute Adonis With a no doubt gigantic hog Appears before the two truckers. Did someone order a green shirt cutie? Oops, sorry. Wow, this is the most handsome man I've ever seen.

Yeah. Me, I don't know if you're... Me do a wreck good him look? Wait, are you... Stop doing that. It's not funny. It really hurts my head. Fucking dogs.

You look like you're in fantastic shape, probably from doing a lot of F45, if I had to take a guess. Can we see what's under the green shirt? Oh, no, I couldn't possibly. I'm way too shy for that. Please, we're begging you, give us a look at the Sistine Chapel of Riggs.

Well, okay, since you've begged and begged me to take my shirt off, I guess I could begrudgingly do it. But I want it to be very clear that I'm absolutely doing this against my will. Wait a minute. What? Yeah! Yeah!

Flaky, hold it. I'm trying to figure out a word on here. I definitely am. For people at home, Tommy is taking his shirt off. Wait a minute. I definitely am. For people at home, Tommy has taken his shirt off. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Are those Unique Clue regular briefs? Regularised briefs? They sure are. Excuse me, boys.

I'm just looking for somewhere to take a shit that's far enough away from my miso being able to hear. That's very you. That's very you. That's very you. Wait, what's this? Hubba hubba, this smouldering hunk of man meat is making me un-gay. I would gladly give up my moot for even a glimpse

of that hot Italian sausage. It's cool of you to jump in, Mel. I didn't even write you in. Just, yeah. Try and stick to the script. Your words were yes, okay? Space jump. So, shall the three of us get down to brass tacks

and start rooting each other in this public bathroom? You got it. Hi, folks, I'm Tommy Dasolo. Podcaster and lead singer of the band Hot Chip. Whether it's hurrying between business meetings or cruising truck stops for gay sex, Uniqlo cotton boxes

keep your white bits snug and fresh. Fade to black. I'm out of toilet paper, so I was going to use an Officeworks card, but I reckon I'll just use his script instead. What do you think? I love it. I fucking love that.

For everyone at home, Tommy has put his shirt back on. Like a poster. And everyone has stopped jacking off. I know. For the people who didn't turn up that have the fucking virus today, they're going to be feeling even sicker that they missed out on seeing that. So what do you think, guys? Yeah, if we can get me some form of underwear endorsement.

Feels like we could. I reckon we could get you as the face of edible underwear. I'll take it. I'll gladly take it. Do you know, we just got a message before. As the face of edible underwear. I'll take it. I'll gladly take it. Do you know, we just got a message before, I haven't told you this, but we mentioned on the show last week,

I think you mentioned Neen Chicken? Neen E Chicken? Neen E Chicken, yeah. Do you have that in Brisbane? Neen E Chicken? Yeah, yeah. So they followed us on Instagram and sent us a message and went, hey boys, big fans of your work. We heard the mention last week on the show.

And we wanted to get in contact with a, you know, talking about a sponsorship. Here's our offer. You can have $50 worth of chickens if you want to come down one day. Fuck yeah. I'm down for that. Usually I'm like, let's talk about this.

I'm like, nah, fuck it. Let's just take the chicken. Let's just take the chicken. $50 worth of chicken. $25 each. Don't you find it a bit humiliating actually turning up and being like, oh, excuse me, where's Tommy and Colin? Yeah.

We got a DM on Instagram saying that we... We were told there was actually a lot of free chicken. So I don't know if you want to bring the manager out or if you're just going to give it to us, but yeah, we've got a podcast. Excuse me, we've got a podcast. We're here for the nuggets. What if it's like one of those

eating contests where it's like we only get it free if we eat the entire $50 worth in one sitting. If there's any left over, it's like you're on the hook for $48 now, boys. You didn't make it all the way through. That wouldn't be too hard. $50 worth of chicken wouldn't be too hard. Yeah, I mean, you know, we could get a couple of tornadoes, a couple of bits of fried chicken.

They mentioned that. They said, what's tornadoes? They're like the potato on the stick. The fried potato on the stick. Okay, I get it. Yeah. Maybe we should wrap it up. No, no, no.

Let's keep talking about local chicken shops. Mel, favourite local chicken shop. Go. Oh, fuck fuck on the spot I would say in Queensland it would have to be Brodie's Chicken

oh fuck nice for me it's KFC I love it those guys oh where's that oh there's there's heaps of them

bro okay you don't have a favourite one oh probably the one in the valley I guess right nice what about you Brett favourite chicken shop ever or here here You don't have a favourite one? Probably the one in the valley, I guess. Nice. What about you, Brett?

Favourite chicken chop ever or here? Here. Specifically Brisbane. Do you guys have River Rooster? Thank you. What? Ribbed Rooster? River Rooster, yeah. River Rooster.

Yeah, it was an off-brand Red Rooster. Is this you trying to say Red Rooster? No. It was Red Rooster's better cousin, which is available. Are you from Perth? River Rooster. WA, there we go. River Rooster was the king of chicken.

I think your mum made it up. It was like, it's River Rooster tonight, right? It's a River Rooster. It's a fucking disgusting rat from the river. It's a River Rooster. I think that's what he called it when Brett Blake first found a fish. This is like a river rooster. The chicken of the river.

I know my fish species, so fuck off. Good on you, mate. Good on you. Always a pleasure to be here. I'm going to go home and jack my dick off. Why go home? All right, is that it? Alright, should we wrap it up? Felt like we got

going really well at the end and then we just went a bit too long and now we're here. Alright guys, thanks very much for listening. Give a big round of applause. Brett Blake, Mel Buttle, Cam James. Thanks so much for listening everyone

and we'll see you next time. See you next time And they've done it again Okay Yeah Yeah Sure Yeah

Yeah I think they've done it again Yeah I'm not saying no I think most of the audience there thought they'd done it again. I'm saying yeah with a slightly faltering voice, but I'm not saying no. Yeah. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah. Do you think that – I mean, I think many would argue that the faltering voice is worse than a no. Well, I'm saying – At least a no is definitive. There's so much room for interpretation with the faltering voice. Yeah, but, I mean, some of the listeners, some people just read the transcripts of this show and don't listen to it. So they're just reading me saying yes.

But would you want there to be, like, stage direction style, like Carl, brackets, faltering? Oh, okay. In that case, they'd be going, if the script writer has put that in there, it must be really imperative For the scene That we know

That his voice was faltering Yeah I didn't think of it Being printed out in play format I was sort of thinking Novella Oh yeah okay Yeah look

That's a fair point He said falteringly Yeah Oh damn Fuck I just need a straight transcript I just need I think you know how

Any kind of writing works I need a stenographer That's what I need Yeah You don't have any You can any kind of writing works i need a stenographer that's what i need yeah you don't have any you can't put any opinion if you're a stenographer you're just writing what people say in court that's it that's true or like a comic book would be hard to it would be hard to kind of imply a faltering voice in a speech balloon yeah but you would draw a man faltering how would you draw someone faltering oh you'd have like a wobbly lip or you know they're looking the like up to the sky.

But you'd definitely do that. You're not going to – if you get given a script as a comic artist, and you should know this, you're not going to have a man look very confident and say, yes, and then be thinking, well, that's come off as faltering. No, I think what you would do instead if you're a comic script artist is you would write speech balloon, yes, and then thought balloon just kidding i'm faltering yeah well i the most amount of discussion we've ever had about whether or not they've done it again yeah i can't wait to see what bernie has in store

i don't think i've even finished with that discussion oh okay sure i mean i'm i'm like i feel like i'm doing a bit of a match report. I'm justifying the scores. Like, look, match result is he's done it again. We've done it again. Okay, yep, cool. But in the synopsis, in the match report, I'm saying, well, the details are it's not – it wasn't a 3-0 victory. It wasn't – you know, they were up against the odds.

They were – I don't know. There were things not in our favour. So you're saying we won but we were sloppy out there. Yeah. So it's like we're in the change rooms after we're like big victory and the coach comes in and just gives us a spray. What the fuck was that? You're saying we got away with that one but don't pull that shit out next time.

Oh, you're celebrating. Big victory. Yes, we won but you were fucking shit ass out there and we shouldn't have won and you don't get you don't get sunday off you're back out and training right right okay interesting yeah so i mean not not that we were completely a fault but i feel like you know look you compare the two audiences of the last two episodes adelaide it's just a fucking cakewalk wasn't it out? So for anyone who isn't aware of this listening at home, this week's episode and last week's episode

recorded consecutive days. A 24-hour time span in which the public opinion on being out in public seemed to shift pretty dramatically. Exactly, exactly. The last week's episode in Adelaide, it was like, you know,

audience were sky high we were like boom you know you get a good audience like that and it's you're just going for sixes every time

awesome and then you get you know Adelaide I feel like they were a lot more cautious you mean Brisbane oh sorry Brisbane

Brisbane were a lot more cautious and a lot more no shows too look physically there were a lot of empty seats yeah where it was a sold out show yeah and there were a lot of empty seats yeah where it was a sold out show

yeah and there were a lot of empty seats and they were up the front too which did not help my mood it felt a little

bit like Adelaide is like asteroid coming towards the earth and we're all having the orgy everyone's just raw dogging

like we're all gonna die who gives a fuck right and then Brisbane was like we've all looked up into the sky

and seen the asteroid just passed by earth right and we're like oh no i've just been having unprotected sex with all these strangers i can't believe i fucked magic johnson in the ass like that yeah yeah yeah i thought that'd be a cool fun thing to do as the world was being blown apart yeah but now i'm in a lot of trouble yeah um yeah so it was a slightly different mood, which, okay, put us in a slightly different mood. Yeah. And you know what? I think it sort of drives you to darker places,

which is why the content of this episode is particularly, not bleak, that's the wrong thing, but just pretty hardcore. Well, we got, you know, the proof is in the pudding. We started to get a bit grotty, and then that started to get a response. So, you know, it's, what do you call it pavlov's dog it is like it is like a fight it's like it is like sport i think our live shows it's like okay you know we we do something and if

it you know in adelaide it paid off it's like just keep whatever we do whatever we we get the ball whatever we're doing with it it's going through the big sticks but yeah but then in in brisbane we had to we had to get some negative tactics out there. Yeah. Totally. We had to change our game plan. We had to, you know, you have to, you know, the crowd's our opponent. We had to tackle them in a different way.

Yeah. And you're not always proud of how you play. No, we had to, we were really fighting dirty. We were really pinching some nipples out there. Doing some not cool stuff yeah no i am proud of it i would have i would have whipped all that stuff out in the studio i'm not ashamed to say it oh really i found that out about blakey uh having a drink with him a few months ago and i just thought i'll be damned if this isn't coming up at an episode it's on stage

um look i'm not um like i sort of said last week i'm not one for I don't want to get deep into the situation People I'd like to think people listen to this As a bit of a break from From what's going on outside And all that sort of stuff But what I would say is The difference

Another difference would be Between Adelaide and Brisbane was After the show You know what Normally we do a show in Brisbane And we go Stick around We're going to have a beer

Carry on, whatever People went okay and just absolutely fucked off that's never happened before in brisbane yeah people usually hang around for we're usually holding court there until the wee hours but uh this yeah this is like it was a bit sad it was like we come out they were like all right ready to greet the masses and there's just like four people there yeah no totally i went up to like washed up showbiz tragics yeah we were i was at the back manning the merch desk and everyone just fucked off it was like there's only fucking nick car coming over going can i get an autograph i'm like fuck off car yeah yeah and even the venue were like all right time to get out yeah yeah it was just us just you know six or seven of us just drinking a beer and then going

cool can we can we go yep okay and you know this i lost my wallet that night oh yes you did too i cancelled my credit card found the wallet today oh fuck i've done that several times i know yeah yeah felt good felt really good so now i just have to go through the whole rigmarole. Where did you find it? In what should have been the first place that I looked. Your pocket? My bag. Oh, okay. In my backpack.

Right. Wow, I'm sorry to hear that. Yeah. Hey, you know what? There's worse things going on. But, like, I'd already done the cancellation and have a new one on the way to me and now with the state of it like we're recording this the week before we put it up so with the state of everything i'm like fucking hell i hope that card makes it to me pronto yeah because who knows you know who knows how things are going i wanted that like if you know if if

things get very serious like they are in italy and things are locked down i just wanted you know can you still order stuff online are they going to just let the postie do his thing or how's it going to work i don't quite know how i mean certain things keep going they certain like they have to yeah we would be able to we'd still be able to do this you can still go to like a person's house one-on-one. Yeah, this is our jobs. Okay. This is our work. I found that out.

I looked into it today. Okay. We would be able to do this. Okay. That's good to know. Yeah. Because we were sort of having the conversation a day or two before right now going, we better get some episodes in the fucking bank.

Bro, it's still not a bad thing to do yeah all things considered yeah but um but yeah as it's my understanding like my girlfriend has said to me a couple times oh what if what if lockdown comes into effect and it's like when we're not hanging out together and then we just won't be able to see each other for like a month i'm like i think that's really how it works right like i think i'd be i'd be able to like drive around to your house and like watch, watch a movie with you. Okay. It wouldn't be like...

I don't know. You know. I don't know how it works. All I saw was a bunch of those cunts in Italy fucking hanging out their balcony. And it's like, well, you don't do that unless you're fucking desperate, do you? No, they would have been doing that anyway. Right. That's just Italy.

Right. Okay. Oh, all right. That's good. Well, I went to Italy and they didn't do that last year. So I just wish I had been in Italy when it was lockdown. So I could have seen some classic Italian behavior instead of the bullshit I saw. Yeah.

What did you say? Oh, just cunts with pizzas. Yeah. A bit of rude service attitude. Yeah. I got plenty of that. Yeah. Did you?

Yeah. No, it wasn't too bad. It was okay. We were planning to go back this year. That is, hold on to your hat, not happening. Wow. Yeah. Yep.

Pretty crazy. I think everyone's plans are completely out the window at the moment. I think I timed my trip to Liverpool very well. You could not have timed it better, arguably. Well, no, you literally couldn't have, even if you had gone to like... Didn't Liverpool lose the next game that they played or something like that?

No, we won our next home match. Right. So there was one more home match, and that's what I was trying to see. They didn't play a win at home in the league. They won their next home match, and then that was it uh okay right right yeah yeah yeah uh okay let's um let's do this segment uh like we said at the top of the show oh wait very quickly let me plug this um while people are in uh isolation or whatever they might be interested to know that if you don't subscribe on Patreon, we just put the two-part History of Comedy episode up on our Bandcamp

that people can now find. Yep. Am I okay to plug this? Yeah. Yep. No. I don't want half of this money. Well, I don't know.

LittleDumbDumbClub. LittleDumbDumbClub.Bandcamp.com. There's also going to be a link to it by now on our know. LittleDumbDumbClub. LittleDumbDumbClub.Bandcamp.com. There's also going to be a link to it by now on our website, LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Yeah, if you don't subscribe on Patreon already and you missed these episodes, they're a lot of fun. Maybe the most popular thing we've ever done on the Patreon with guest Ben Lomas. A couple of people got to the party late and only got part number two

or whatever it is. But if you missed one of them or you missed both of them and you're looking for some more content to fill your time with, you can now get those on Bandcamp. Yeah. And fully recommend that you do that. Yeah. Also, just our Patreon in general. If you want those episodes coming out fresh, we are also putting some extra content out to people at the moment that maybe have a lot more spare time on their hands. So we are putting out more and more audio content on Patreon.

So if you chuck in $10 a month, you are getting quite a bit of stuff from now on. Yeah, bang for your buck. Yeah. So to sort of give people something to do, hopefully. Yeah. And give us something to do, hopefully. Yep. Give us something to do. Yep.

Hopefully. Yep. Now, of course, like we said, that's $10 a month. You get the bonus episode, plus you get the magazine that we put out. For five, you just get the magazine. But for both of them, you get your name in the draw. Every week, we hit up a little piece of technology that we've purchased quite a while back called the Unplanned title alternator.

It's the only way that you can keep pulling out names at random fair, obviously. You know, you wouldn't pull them out of a hat. You wouldn't do it like the old World Cup ways or anything like that where they'd put ping pong balls in a thing and what they'd do is they'd put one of the ping pong balls in the freezer and all of a sudden you're scrambling around and you rig it because you can pick up the cold ball. Like there's no way.

There's no way you can do this with the unplanned title alternator. The unplanned title alternator is the only fair thing in existence. Yes. It's not susceptible to bribery or coercion in any way. That's why it costs so much. It costs, like we've said, it costs more than what we get off the Patreon subscribers. We run at a loss to keep it fair. Yeah.

So we're paying to be able to record another extra hour every week to put out to you. Yeah. It's costing us. Yeah. No idea. Like our business managers have repeatedly said to us, this makes no sense. Yeah. You're wasting your money. You're wasting your money.

You're wasting your time. You're wasting the time of the listeners. They're like, who, like, no one's going to care that much whether or not it's fair. Like if it was just someone randomly picking them chronologically off the Patreon page. But we're like, no, we couldn't live with ourselves. We wouldn't be able to sleep at night knowing that we were using anything other than the fairest possible system that exists. And we said that.

We said to our accountants, we said, you know, imagine if we just read the name out of people chronologically as they subscribed. Or if they messaged and said, I haven't been read out and I've subscribed for two years, for example, hypothetically. Imagine if either of those things subscribed for two years, for example. Hypothetically. Imagine if either of those things happened. Yeah. And we said that to the accountant. And he said, who cares?

Yeah. And then, I don't know what I did. I just went so crazy. I've never seen you go into such a rage before. It was pretty scary. It was really scary. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, how the fuck can't this cunt understand what's going on here?

And he's like, you don't have the money to do this and we're like that's your problem yeah find us more money then yeah cunt yeah a content all i did was it just made me so mad i was like you know what i've got to go and get an update this unplanned title alternator and it ended up costing us more money i don't know i don't know what the answer is yeah i don't know i mean yeah i don't care i don't care at being at a loss the only thing i care about is having to field more calls from this fucking idiot accountant yeah asking why we have to do it this way yeah there's more important things in the world at the moment yeah there you know at the moment everyone's going oh the world's crumbling. I might lose my job.

You know, the economy might collapse. X, Y, Z might happen. Why is this happening? This is all so unfair. My nan's sick. She's in the high-risk category. She's in the hospital. This is so unfair.

So then doesn't it then fall on us to bring a little bit of fairness back into the world? Yeah. And the only way to do that is with the unplanned title alternator and running at an extreme personal loss. Yes. I agree with all that stuff. Like, if this accountant really gave a fuck at all, he'd quit his job and start working in research.

Exactly. To find somehow a cheaper way of doing this, to get the technology, to bring those costs down. You know, of course, a personal computer in the 50s was like so expensive it was the size of a house yeah well fuck accountant can't get get you know pull your finger out and go and invent a microchip that can fucking fix this right because according to you these sorts of things are so easy yeah so why don't you put your money where your mouth is exactly so then instead of paying thousands of dollars per month on the upkeep of the Unplanned Time Alternative, which takes up half your flat.

Yes. Why it's here, I don't know. You've got a bigger flat. Yeah, yeah. It seemed to make more sense. Again, I blame the accountant on that one. Yeah. Accountant slash interior decorator.

I have no personal will of my own. So, like, I blame him for not just telling me to do something differently. Right. I'm the same. Yeah. Just a puppet. Yeah. A puppet under his command.

I've always said a good accountant is like a mum. And they just, you know, will feed you and tell you what to do. And I'm fucking waiting for that sort of shit to happen and i've also getting it i've also always said that i think that was the first thing we ever bonded over yeah right that's how we met that's how we met at a convention for people who say that yes i remember that now just you and me together you put it out in the paper and i was like fuck fuck yeah. I'd love to meet my fellow enthusiasts of that saying. Yeah.

It's a very slight thing to be tied up in. But look, it's worked for us. Well, I guess we've run out of time to read any names now. If only. Let's hit the big red button. And, you know, I mean, that's part of the reason why it costs so much. This fucking big red button. It is glorious.

It's worth the money just to get to push. I should let you push it sometimes, but I get a bit greedy. I wouldn't dare. Yeah, I'd be too scared. Right. I'm too shy. I haven't taught you the algorithms and, you know, physically how to touch a button. Exactly.

Yeah. I've been practicing, though. Have you? Yeah. What have you been practicing on? I've been pushing all sorts of things. Oh, right. Well, there's like. Have you? Yeah. What have you been practicing on? I'm pushing all sorts of things. Oh, right. Well, there's like a crossing outside my house.

Right. So every now and then I just kind of walk out the door and give that little button there at the crossing a few little swipes. And you're thinking about the UTA when you're doing that? Yeah. I mean, I'm practicing. I'm going out to practice. Okay.

Yeah. All right. Yeah. You should get a look at me. I'm almost ready to show you how good I'm at it. Okay. That's cool. I had no idea.

I literally had no idea. I've been training in secret. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. All of that stuff then, you said, I had no idea about. Right. News to you. Interesting. Absolutely.

Always great to be able to pull a bit of a surprise on your co-host. I thought I'd heard it all. Yep. But no. Yep. God, I mean, you know, outside this room, there's things happening every day. Things changing inside this room. Things are changing.

Fuck. It's hard to keep up. So, first cap off the rank. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Whoa. This is a doozy. Right off the top. I don't know what you're going to make of this.

Neither do I. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Taylor Lemondola. Lemondola. Lemondola. Lemondola. Now, look, while you're struggling with Lemondola, Lemendola, maybe that's it. Well, we're both struggling with that.

Lemendola. I love if it's Lemendola. You do? Yeah, yeah, that's great. Okay. Well, I don't know if you... I'm a bit worried. I'm already pretty shell-shocked.

I love the side of you being so positive about the surname, but I don't know what you're going to do with the first name. Taylor. I haven't told you how it's spelled. I'm about to really have my socks blown up. Can I just tell you how I'm picturing it in my head? Please. Okay?

If you guess how this is spelled, there's a shiny $10 penny in it for you. Well, I'm not trying to guess. I'm just telling you how I would imagine that it's spelled. And I certainly pray that there's no information coming down the pipe after I say this that makes me look foolish for having thought that this is how you would...

As far as I'm concerned, the only way that one can spell Taylor. Okay. T-A-Y-L-O-R. Taylor. No. Taylor. No.

No, end of story. That's how you spell Taylor. That's how Taylor is meant to be spelled, as far as I'm concerned. Unfortunately, this person has got it wrong. Wow. This person, or their parents, I should say, has spelt...

It could still be. Their parents may have spelt it the right way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they're such a dumb fuck that they just get it wrong every time they write it out. You're right. Well, I'd like to blame it on the parents because the same brain that listens to this show has then chosen how to spell their name this way, and I don't like that. Okay, sure.

I don't like the idea that someone has deliberately spelt their name like this and still enjoys our work right i i mean god i feel you don't want to live in a world yeah yeah yeah t-a-y-l-r-e taylor oh can you even picture that? I actually am having a very difficult time. Yeah. I'm looking at it now on the screen and I'm still, I'm like, there's got to be some mistake. I've run it through the algorithm several times. Right.

I guess it must be Taylor. I'm trying to, so it's Tayloray. Yeah. Taylor. It's got to be Taylor. It's got must be Taylor. I'm trying to... So it's Tayloray. Yeah. Taylor. It's got to be Taylor. It's got to be Taylor. Yeah, okay, I'm off it. I liked the surname, but I'm sorry.

What a battle between the two. Yeah. So tell me the surname again. Lemondola or Lemendola? Lemendola. Taylor Lemendola. Taylor Lemendola. Taylor Lemendola. Oh, even that's dodgy.

Fuck, I'm going to cop it if it's not Taylor after all this, but it's got to be. Well, that's a pretty good educated guess. There's so much. There should be... You know what? This is what happens in cricket, right? So they whack the ball around too much, right? And then if they've hit like a

bunch of sixes with a ball right yep and it's hit the stand it's hit the fence it's hit all unnatural things that that cricket ball shouldn't hit apart from the bat yeah you know like little spikes or whatever it is yep yep and then at some stage they go this ball is too fucked up okay and then they go well we can't bowl it anymore because it almost gives it a bit of an advantage if you're just bowling some fucking oval ball that's just going sideways and whatever. Yep. So what they do is they have like this little device and it looks like a little handcuff. And what you do is you run the ball through that hole, like this metal sort of like hole basically, this ring.

Yep. And if it doesn't fit through it, that means it's not fit to play with. Ah, okay. Now, I would like one of them for names and I'm not sure that Taylor LaMendola should be fitting through that metal ring. Oh, absolutely not. Yeah. No chance.

I mean, I'm not even saying I don't like it. I'm just saying I'm not sure it… Yeah, you're not saying you dislike it. You're just saying it barely qualifies as a name. I'm saying it's not fit for use. It's not fit to be a name. Yeah, no dislike it. You're just saying it barely qualifies as a name. I'm saying it's not fit for use. It's not fit to be a name. Yeah, no, correct. You're absolutely correct.

Thank you. Thank you. There's a... Yeah, something's happened here. There's a letter or two missing. Now, I'm not saying that it's completely without hope, but it just needs to be fixed before we can continue play. You know what?

I'm going to go a step above that and say that it is without hope really i'm saying there's no hope there's too much there's no hope for this person this is like a car that's just been an accident complete write-off there's no there's you can't you can't replace a few bits insurance are just like sorry can't it's just cost too much to fix yeah exactly right okay god what a shame i know what a shame to pay money to find this out. Well, yeah, I mean, of course it's a shame. It's a shame when you're in a car accident. Your car gets totaled and you can't drive it anymore.

You're not going to get any money for it. Of course it's a shame. Lots of things are a shame. It's not my fault. And this name is shameful. You're right. It's full of shame. You're right. This guy has, or girl, has paid money to find this out.

Yes. But you know what? Maybe that's good. Yeah. Everyone else in your life is lying to you saying, cool name. Well, yeah, look, you know what? You're right. You're right.

I mean, if you go to a doctor and the doctor goes, yeah, you've got cancer, it's like, I paid money for this? This is bullshit. you've got cancer it's like i paid money for this this is this is bullshit i've this if i'm gonna pay you money you've got to come back and say no you're actually pissing out gold and you get to sell that gold it almost feels like which way should it work with the doctor if you get like a brutal diagnosis you almost should get your money back because it's like fucking hell you're walking out of here with a fucking pretty bad serve. It is. But, you know, maybe the opposite is true. If there's absolutely nothing wrong with you,

then maybe then you should get your money back because you're just being told business as usual. But, you know, there's an argument. You can make the argument, all right, everything's fine. Here's the bill for $1,000. It's like, what the fuck? There's nothing wrong with me. It's like, well, do you want cancer?

And then that one's for free? Yeah. Well, okay. There you go. Okay. All right. All right. Well, sorry, Taylor. Sorry. well do you want cancer and then that one's for free yeah well there you go okay all right all right well sorry taylor sorry thanks but sorry taylor again not our fault sorry that sorry to don't shoot the messenger sorry to be the bearers of bad news you knew what you were doing you knew yeah they signed up and they must have known when they hopped into bed with the unplanned title

alternator that this was a huge chance of happening. I would love to hear some feedback from you if we've pronounced it exactly right and why you were like this. Was it your fault? Was it your parents? What's going on? Are you 12 years old? It feels very much like a young person's name.

If this is something where it's like just very much a, you know, some sort of ethnic kind of thing and then the last 10 minutes of this has just been flat out racist. Like, just very much a, you know, some sort of ethnic kind of thing. And then the last ten minutes of this has just been flat out racist. I just can't let go of Taylor. Taylor can't be. Taylor can't be something. Imran, what the fuck kind of name is that?

Taylor can't be some Hungarian name, surely? I don't know. I've never, you know, I've never encountered anything like this. But let us know. I feel like looking this name up. No, no, let's leave it. I want to be, you know, I want to like this. But let us know. I feel like looking this name up. No, no, let's leave it. I want to be, you know, I want to give this, you know, we do too much Googling of names and histories and stuff on it.

Put the phone away. Don't just go, okay, and then visibly keep doing it in front of me. I didn't think you could see me over the unplanned title alternator. I can see you in the reflection. Damn. It's got little rear view mirrors like a truck. I can see you in the reflection. Damn. It's got little rear view mirrors like a truck. I can see you in that. Okay. Wow.

Don't. What are you doing? Damn. We always Google stuff. I'd like to give this person the opportunity to be the one to tip us off. Okay. But no, by all means, let Google do the heavy lifting. What have you got?

So now you want to know? Well, no, I wanted us to both not know together. I don't want you to know and me not know. What's the point in that? Okay, well, I don't mind it. Of course. I don't mind knowing something you don't. Look, I'll just say that

I think your fear was unfounded. Okay. Yeah. I'll put it that way. I think your fear was unfounded. Okay. Yeah. I'll put it that way. I think that this person should be responsible enough. Okay. And know better. Okay.

Okay. All right. I'll say no more at the moment. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Michael Thridgold. Fuck. That's tough. You wouldn't think you'd get two like this in a row, would you? No.

Thrid-gould. God, this is... I mean, it's been such a... T-H-R-I-D... Easy and emotionally taxing week, and then we're having to do shit like this. G-O-U-L-D. Thrid-gould.

Thrid-gould. That's shit-ass. I'm sorry. Look, that's the thing with... The thing we talk about sometimes. Sometimes you can get dealt with a dud name, and you've got to be brave enough to sort of go, all right, this isn't working.

This doesn't make any sense. I know that my parents, I know my grandparents, I know their parents have had this name, but five, six six seven generations ago they didn't have electricity like they're not sticking to that right core value of the family and like yep we piss outdoors um we turn our own butter all that shit it's like this progress you can evolve your name yes through gould you need to do something you need to, you need to do something. You need to, yeah, you need to do something. This thread.

It's close to, it's sort of close to being okay. Like if it was, if it was like thread gold. Yes. That'd be fun. You know what I mean? It's like both parts. I love thread gold. Yeah, both, both, two, both elements of it, the thread and the Gould are just a little bit off. Even Thridgeld, still not great, but no better.

Thrid is the thing that's jarring for me. Yeah, Thrid, it's hard to say. Threadgold would be better. And the fact that it's Gould, it's not even just Gould. I mean, there's just two. I like Threadgold. Threadgold's great. Mike Threadgold.

Mikey Threadgold. There you go. Change your name to that, you fucking clown. Yeah. God, I mean, that's great. Mike Thread Gold. Mikey Thread Gold. There you go. Change your name to that, you fucking clown. Yeah. God. I mean, that's cool. That's gone from a three to an eight, I reckon, straight away. Because automatically, it's like Gould is a weird name because you're so close to gold.

And who doesn't want that in their name? And you're just not quite there. You fucked it by putting an extra letter in. You're so close to ghoul. Yeah, exactly. You're closer to ghoul. Yeah. Yeah, and that in their name. And you're just not quite there. You fucked it by putting an extra letter in. You're so close to ghoul. Yeah, exactly. You're closer to ghoul. Yeah, and that's not cool. No, that's not good.

No, no. If he was Thrid Ghoul. Thrid Ghoul. Even that's better. Thrid Ghoul. Thrid Ghoul. Thrid Ghoul. Fuck, that's...

At least there's a talking point. Exactly. But it's pretty dumb. It's dumb. What about Third Ghoul? Third Ghoul? Exactly. But it's pretty dumb. It's dumb. What about third ghoul? Third ghoul? Yeah. I don't like that.

And it's that thing where it's like, you know, we were named after what we did generations ago. Yeah, my great, great, great, great, great grandfather was the third ghoul in a graveyard. Yeah. Okay. I can see why you'd name yourself after. You're haunting ghost of a great,great-great-great-grandfather. Curly Ghoul.

Yeah. Yeah. Thrid. Thrid. It's so much work. Yeah. So jarring. It's rare that you read a name and feel like you've broken a sweat at the end of it.

Yeah. It's – I feel uncomfortable. I feel like – I don't know. Something wrong has happened. I mean, I feel like I'm in know Something wrong's happened I mean I feel like I'm in a better position Than you Because I mean You're having to look at it

Right Yeah I'm hearing it And I'm having to Turn it over in my head But I think seeing it Visually would be even worse I feel guilty

Like the last two names That have come out I'm like Do I need to get The Unplanned Title Alternator service Something's going on Yeah

Something's going on Did Boomers break in And start hoarding All the fucking good names Off the shelves Unplanned Title Alternator Service? Something's going on. Yeah. Something's going on. Did boomers break in and start hoarding all the fucking good names off the shelves of the Unplanned Title Alternator? And then we're just being left with this rot? Yeah. All right. Well, can we just – we've got to move on to the next one. We've been left with perishable names, and these names have gone off.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we're trying to be – with everything going on in the world, we're trying to be, with everything going on in the world, we're trying to be positive. We're trying to not, you know, be a distraction and take people's minds off what's going on. We've got to move on to another name. Okay. We've got to try and get one that's at least we're going to have a bit of fun with. Well, you know, in these times, we want to be a bit uplifting to people out there.

And there's no good us, you know, they're looking to talking dumb-dumb for a bit of hope. Yeah. And if we're just going to read out names that give people serious depression, we're not doing our jobs properly. Right. And dare I say it, the unplanned title alternator, maybe we should start to look for a planned title alternator.

I mean, if it's going to keep dumping out names like this, I mean, maybe there's some value in it. Well, we did pay up a year subscription on the unplanned title alternator that we just renewed, and that's non-refundable. So then to get a planned title alternator, we'd have to pay another new subscription. And I dare say the phone would start ringing with a certain crotchety accountant of ours

who'd have a fair few things to say about that. Right, okay. So what I'm saying is, yes, let's do it. Tough times. Fuck him. Right, okay. So what I'm saying is, yes, let's do it. Tough times. Fuck him. Right, yep. Let's try and lose... Let's Brewster's millions and try and lose all of our money.

Okay, thank you to Patreon subscriber Alex Uziello. Better. I mean, on any other week, this would be the one That I was fixating on Yeah Look I've I'm on record Alex I like the name

Yeah Yep It's not bad Uziallo is Spell that out for me U-Z-I-A-L-L-O Now this is the second Uziallo

That's been Read out on TalkingDumbDumb Really There's a There's a little family of them Yeah right There's a little family of them. Yeah, right. There's a little nest of them. Getting in on Patreon,

a real family affair. Yeah, there's a little nest of those yellows. And as we've said before, you know, every now and then, for whatever reason, well, yeah,

I feel like we've had this before where we've known that like someone's partner is subscribing. Like both people in a relationship are subscribing. Or multiple family members are subscribing.

And, you know, good for you for not just going halves in it and then one of you sending the content to the other one. Admirable. Why would you even give out that concept? Very admirable. Very admirable of people like this to do the right thing. Yep. Uziello.

I believe they're – I'm sure I've seen those names on at live shows like on lists on ticket lists so I think they're live show goers got the word Uzi in the old name in the old show name sure does

that's pretty cool stuff as far as I'm concerned yeah shooting stuff with guns is cool yeah is that what you think depends what it is. A target?

Yes. Is that cool? No, sorry. I mean, I guess anything that you're shooting at is technically a target, isn't it? Yeah, you're right. A clay pigeon. Have you ever shot a gun? Yes.

Have you? Yeah. Where'd you shoot it? A shooting range. Where? Fuck, where was it? It was near Red Hill. It was for a Bucks party.

What's Red Hill? Like down the peninsula. Oh, okay. Yeah. Near Melbourne. Yeah. Okay. I don't think I have.

I had mates the first time I went overseas. I didn't go with my mates. I met with them in Europe, but they went to Thailand first. I'm sure I've talked about this before. They went to Thailand first, and I chose not to go to Thailand. Yep. Absolutely not classic me. So they went there, and they were, and this is, you know, 15 years ago,

and they were doing, like, you know, classic Thailand things of those days and just going out into paddocks and, like, hiring machine guns and shooting at cows or whatever it was. Wow. Throwing grenades at stuff and you could get like a rocket launcher and stuff. But it was like they were like saying, yeah, look, because they're like young and going, who cares? This is fun, whatever.

But like, you know, some of them are like, these are grenades that they've just found. Yeah. Like this is in Vietnam and stuff as well. Oh, wow. They just found old grenades and gone, okay, well, let's've just found. Yeah. Like this is in Vietnam and stuff as well. Oh, wow. They've just found old grenades and gone, okay, well, let's just do this. Yeah. So, hmm.

You should do the shooting range. It's pretty fun. Like I went thinking I'll be shit ass at this. I'm not going to hit a single one of these. I've got bad hand-eye coordination. And it's a weird thing where you're actually a lot better at it than you think you are okay i was hitting like it i kind of thought it was a group of like 10 of us and i thought oh one or two of us will be really good at it and then everyone else is not going to hit a single one we're pretty evenly matched the whole way through like first one goes

up like oh yeah here we go this would be embarrassing boom shot it right so yeah it's fun do you think what about this? I think that that's a thing that I would, I've got a feeling I would be bad at it. Now, there are things that I'm inexplicably good at and things I'm explicably bad at and I just feel like that would be a thing I would be bad at. I feel like I'm inexplicably not too bad at like ten pin bowling. Okay.

I'll do that and go, oh, that's sort of weird that I never do it, but when I do do it, I'm not too bad at like 10 pin bowling okay i'll do that and go oh that's sort of weird that i never do it but when i do do it i'm not too bad i feel like that would be something i'd be bad at though yeah i don't know it's i mean it's hard to really do you have that with you do you have that is there something is there a weird thing that you're weirdly good at for not a good reason you think that's that's like good at fluking it? Yeah. Or like, yeah, I don't know what you'd call weirdly good at. You mean in terms of like a sport or anything like that? Well, anything that you don't practice or anything,

you just have a natural feel for it out of the blue and you go, that's weird how I have no experience and I don't do it. But when I do do this thing, it seems to work well. Well, this is that. Having only done it once, I was way better at the shooting range than I thought I'd be. Right.

Well, there you go. But I don't think – I mean, I'm bad at nearly everything, pretty much everything of that nature. Right. I think that speaks more about just how it's relatively easy. Right. I don't know. Okay.

We should do it. Maybe. Yeah. Yeah. I've never drawn to it. I've never – I don't know okay we should do it maybe yeah i i yeah i've never drawn to it i've never i don't know because you know in thailand like when we've been to kosumui there's like little stalls there where you can just use yeah yeah and stuff like that i've never really you know there's things that i've just you just never drawn to at all like gambling like people people say oh you know they get stuck into that i'm like i've got no fucking inclination to do that yeah i i mean i wasn't like that with the shooting range it's

never something that was on my radar but this was just for a friend's box where it's just like okay and then i was like that's actually pretty fun like if if someone was organizing that again i'd be into it um but yeah i know what you mean. Yeah. All right. Well, thanks, Uzi. Yeah. Thanks, Alex Uziello. Can I go back and make a point about Taylor LaMandola? Can I say this?

I'll just say this much after looking them up. I think it is cool. What I do appreciate about this person is… You think it's cool? No. You flipped. This thing I'm about to say… Oh, okay.

They're from Texas. Okay. it's cool? No. You flipped. This thing I'm about to say. Oh, okay. They're from Texas. Okay. That's cool. We've got a Texan listener. Yeah, I like that. Yeah. Don't mind that at all. I think that's very cool. I loved Texas when we went there. Yes. Austin. Austin was great.

Did we stop anywhere else in Texas? No, I don't think we did. Did we stay anywhere? We stayed a couple places in Texas? No, I don't think we did. No, we didn't. Did we stay anywhere? We stayed a couple of places in Arizona. No, because we stayed in Austin. We stayed in Austin. And then we got the fuck out. Yeah, but we were driving through. Because we were just basically driving each night until we couldn't be fucked anymore.

And then we stopped in a couple of small towns. And I'm wondering if any of them were also in Texas. We stayed in... We definitely... I don't know why this is in my head, but we stayed in a place called Benson, Arizona. I remember that. Oh, yeah. What was there?

Nothing. We just, our thing each day was we just, we did a drive. Was that where the Dairy Queen was? I think it was. Did we only ever have one extra night? No, no, no. A few years ago we went from, we hired a car in New Orleans and we drove from there to Austin.

And then from Austin, we just kind of pushed off and we're like, let's just go until we can't be fucked anymore. And then I remember one night we stopped in Benson, Arizona. And then maybe by the next night, we made it to Vegas. We did it pretty quick. There was a place where we sat out in the hot tub outside. Was that Benson? I think that was Benson. Right.

I've got a feeling we, there was two. There were two. I think there was only one small town. No, there was two stops. Really? Because I'm thinking of the dinners. That's how I remember. Yeah, yeah.

So one night, one dinner we we went to a steakhouse that was near a walmart and we got oh yeah okay yeah yeah i remember that place yeah yeah one and because both these towns were that we stayed in were like you know just off a highway and there'd be like a big wendy's and mcdonald's and kfc sign and then you'd go oh there must be like a little town there and you'd go off there'd be like a town of 5,000. Yeah, so it was more or less we drove New Orleans to Austin. We're like, we'd do that in one day. Then Austin to Vegas, it was like, okay, this is going to take us a couple of days driving.

But we'll just go each day until we can't be fucked anymore. And then we'll stop. So the steakhouse place, I remember we walked to the steakhouse place i remember with that yeah we we walked to the steakhouse from our hotel pitch dark on the side of it like yeah main road yep and just got fucking hammered yep uh and had a steak and then walked home and then the other place was we went to like this tiny little local maybe like pizza i think it was pizza yeah like this tiny little pizza parlor with a lot of uh very small sort of uh place with a lot of flags and like memorabilia and stuff around it and then we we didn't get pissed there we had like a couple and then we went back to the hotel and sat outside

in a hot tub that was backing onto like cactuses and yeah coyotes and stuff yeah that was sick yeah yeah um i can't remember the name Of that other town But yeah Yeah maybe one of them And yeah And we went to the Dairy I got a t-shirt From the Dairy Queen

There Yeah I don't know where that That was Benson Wherever that is Okay thanks Thanks again Taylor Bonus Taylor

Yeah I just looked it up I just googled Texas To see I mean I didn't google I searched Texas In my email Just to see if I had like a receipt From staying in Texas Oh yeah I just looked it up I just googled Texas To see I mean I didn't google I searched Texas In my email Just to see if

I had like a receipt From staying in Texas Oh yeah I just saw we had I've sent out a t-shirt I've sent out a merch To another Texan listener Oh wow

So we've got more than one Texan We've got a little club In Texas That's cool Everything's big in Texas Including The little Dunham

Incredible Thank you to Patreon subscriber John Tate. Ooh. The most concise of all the names by far this week. Far and away. Yeah.

Not much more to say. Would you like to... Cop it up the Tate? I certainly would. Wow. Okay, not what I was going to ask. I was going to say, would you like to cop it in the Tate? Ah, right.

Would you like to go in and see his collection of pictures? Would you like to go to the Tate gallery? Depends what the collection of what they were pictures of. His dick. Then yes. Right, okay. Fine with that. A full collection.

Yeah. Wow. You know that have you ever heard that that old cliched pickup line would you like to come upstairs and see my etchings have you ever heard that before is that an actual thing yes no it's like i used that's a thing where you know how you do you know do you have this where you know a lot of stuff but you know you know a lot of stuff but it's not from firsthand it's like from like i learned so much stuff from mad magazine about richard nixon and stuff oh yeah yeah oh yeah i know all that stuff and it's like not because i lived through it because i read old magazines

about it so that's the thing that i would get through mad magazine and other magazines and stuff like that just that used to be a pickup line in like i don't know the 30s or 40s or something see my etching come up and see my etchings so you'd be going up to like you're bringing some girl to your place and go let's come and come and see my prints my my pictures and then it'd be like you know that's the old that's the old school netflix and chill oh yeah i guess that morphed into do you want to come in for a cup of coffee? Yeah. Which then, yeah, is now do you want to come in for a bit of what was for a certain point a bit of Netflix. I wonder what it is now. Oh, you think it's not Netflix now? Well, I guess the whole like Netflix and chill thing became such a meme.

Right. That someone trying that on is like a pickup line. Right. It would feel like, oh, yeah, like that lame internet thing that kind of blew up and be, you know, it's like too, it's too overt. It's too obvious. All right. I think it's just, maybe it's just going back to etchings. Maybe that's what the Zoomers are going to start doing.

Right. Come look at my etchings. Zoomers? Zoomers. Is it the next generation? Yeah. Okay. Below millennial.

Oh, I didn't even know that. Zoomers. Zoomers. That's pretty cool. Yeah. I don't mind that. I like it too? Yeah. Okay. Below millennial. Oh, I didn't even know that. Zoomers. Zoomers. That's pretty cool. Yeah. I don't mind that. I like it too. Yeah.

It's a shame. It's a shame that I'm not that. I'd like to be... But I can't even remember what I am. You're X. Gen X? Yeah. I think I am, but then I remember at the time I was like,

I'm not X. I didn't fit in X. But I feel like as the generations are happening, the kind of, the years kind of shift a little bit as it's all happening. Yeah, I thought that because it's like, Dave O'Neill says he's Gen X and I'm like, are you?

Yeah. But I felt at the time like when Gen X was cool, I was like, oh, I don't count for Gen X. I don't think I count for it. But now maybe I do. Well, I kind of always thought that Gen Y then kind of turned into millennial. But then I think, yeah, I'm never really too sure. I was Gen Y.

And then at a certain point, I think it just became millennial. Like, I think that initially they went, oh, yeah, X, and then, you know, Y is after that. Oh, God. Yeah, maybe that's strange. I just looked it up. What is Gen X? Name given to the generation born between the mid-60s and the early 80s.

That's fucking massive. That's huge. That's massive. Yeah. You can't just take 15 years, can you? Well, they are. I mean, you know, it's all pretty arbitrary anyway. Like, who cares?

But, yeah. What did you think you were? Did you think you were Gen Y? I don't know. I couldn't remember. I just thought I was just not that. I just have a memory of thinking that's, oh, I missed out on that. Okay.

Interesting. Gen, well, see, you know, that's in the early 80s, but I've looked up Gen Y was born between 1980 and 94. So it's like, well, there's a bit of crossover there. Yeah. Yeah, interesting. And then what's millennial? I think there's a lot of Gen Y and millennial overlap too. Right.

Okay. They're taking between 80 and 94. For Gen Y? Yeah. Yeah. No, yeah. And then what's millennial? Well, Gen Z.

It doesn't say millennial. Right. It says it's a popular way to reference both segments of Gen Y, which is, which is, God, this is confusing. I don't even fucking. Who comes up with this stuff? Gen Y, they've split it up. It says here, Gen Y.1.

What? Is between 25 and 29 years old. And then Gen Y.2 is between 29 and 29 years old and then Gen Y.2 is between 29 and 39 years old. Ah. The fuck is that? That's weird. That is weird. 39 seems old to be scraping in there.

To be a... Yeah. Gen Y. Yeah, I agree. I don't know. Okay, that's all confusing. Yeah. Very confusing.

Well, thanks, John. Thanks. Thanks for showing us your etchings. Thanks, Tater. I don't know Okay that's all confusing Yeah Very confusing Well thanks John Thanks Thanks for showing us your etchings Thanks Tater It's just that straight Four by four He is Four letters by four letters Yep

Classic Very strong Very Very strong name Yeah I like it Sturdy Robust

Have you been to the Tate Gallery in London? I have. It's not bad, is it? Yeah. Really great. I went there the first time I went to London and I loved it. Yeah. I was more into that bullshit back then.

It's been a really nice day there while we were there last year. Pottering around. Okay, yeah. I didn't go back, but I should have. I definitely enjoyed it the first time I went. I made a real... First time I went to London, I was like, oh, London, and really traipsing around.

And then when we went last year, I did nothing. You did, yeah. Yep. You weren't there for that long, though. Yep. You're right. I spent more time with you in a pub trying to fucking book guests for our show.

Yep. And then we ended up with Nick Capper three times. Yep. Ray Badgeron twice. Yep. Fucking, anyway. Great Badgerin twice. Yeah. Fucking... Great shit. All right.

I guess that means we've got... Look, how long have we been going for? Seven hours. Whoa. Yeah. Fuck. Okay. Well, maybe we've got more time then.

That's shorter than usual. Yeah. Look, we should call it a day now. I need to be getting home we are we do do this segment late at night a lot of the time we get to we get to the end and i'm a bit tired i've still got to get home yeah yeah got a wife and child i've got to get home and um sort of really not communicate with since they're always in bed by this time yeah but um well then yeah let's wrap it up here thanks guys for uh supporting the show. Thanks for listening.

What? You're saying you're desperate to get home. I know, but I feel like once I said that, I feel like, you know what? Someone out there was right on the verge. If I hit the big red button one more time, their name was going to come out. Right. And this is like a real sliding doors moment. If I'd have gone home now, maybe their name was never going to get read out. Because it is completely random.

I don't know if I mentioned that. Because also too, like you want to have the fun of doing the last one and knowing it's the last one. Yeah. You know, that tight one we just kind of veered off and we're talking about, you know. It just ended very suddenly.

Yeah. We will make a bit of a show of this. And I feel bad for this person. This could be their one shot. Yeah. You're right. Well, you know what? Let's do one more.

Yeah, all right, all right. But let's not get straight into it. Let's just give it a little bit of time just to maybe compute, just to let the UTA. What do you mean compute? Let the UTA, you know. Well, it's instant. That's what we pay all the money for because it's instantaneous.

It doesn't need any time to work things out. Oh, I mean, I just had to reboot it because I was like. No, why did you reboot it? Well, because I thought that some of those names were a bit weird. I thought there's something wrong with it. Yeah, yeah. I just had to reboot the computer just to. Okay.

So now we're just waiting for it to. Turn back on. Yeah, like figure stuff out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. We're just waiting for it to... Turn back on. Yeah, like figure stuff out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. We're just waiting for it to... We can see the progress bar. Yeah.

And it's a long way from ready, folks. It's going pretty slow at the moment. It's going pretty slow. It might be going backwards. It looks like it's going backwards to me. It's how it feels to me. Well, the benefit of this is by the time that loading bar is done, you probably get back just in time to catch your wife and child waking up.

Yeah, yeah. In the morning. That's fair. In tomorrow morning, we'll be here all night is what I was getting at. Right, right, right, right. Okay. But while we're waiting, maybe we could reminisce on sort of some of the things we've been talking about for the last little while.

That might be good. That might be helpful. That might be good. Let's see. We talked about Texas for a bit. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, so you know what the problem is, is that – well, not to say that this is a problem.

I'm just kind of pointing out something that's happened. It's not one way or the – I don't feel one way or the other about it. But typically what we would do with all these names, we would go on a bit of a tangent. But the first two names were so peculiar to us that really all we did was just discuss the names in and of themselves. Right. So, you know, typically by this point, we would have, if someone wanted to pluck a reference to something out of what we've said, hypothetically speaking, if someone was into that sort of

thing, they would have a whole lot of different things to pull from because we would have done that for five or, no, sorry, four or however many different number of names every week. Okay. But with this week, it's only happened twice. Right. Far, far less than usual. Right.

Okay. Does that, has that A, helped you, or B, I can't see the progress bar. Sorry. How much time has that eaten up? Sorry, I didn't hear what you said to the last minute because I had to check the computer and it's all loaded now. Oh, it's all loaded. Great. Wow.

That's classic when the little loading bar goes from – takes 15 minutes to get to 10% and then all of a sudden it just rockets up to 99%. Yeah, yeah. It is weird. Anyway, let's do the last one. Let's stop. I'm sorry.

I know you were talking but if we can just speed this up. I want to hurry up and get to this one hey i'd love nothing more you're just chewing my ear off there and i i feel like we're wasting the listeners time where i really want to get to it and you were just gas bagging but anyway yeah yeah you should have given me a signal that you were ready to go yeah my bad you're right you're right i'll take partial flame 10 or so um all right fifth and final one this week. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Oh, wow. What?

Oh, God. Just, I mean, I don't know if we mentioned it, but we've had some unusual spelling this week so far of names. And blow me down if this one doesn't take the cake. This is unusual. Rich said I was copying it for waffling on, but yes. Oh. But this is directly to do with the name.

This is what we're here for. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, sure. I don't know what the fuck you were talking about. Sure, sure. Yeah. But this one, I don't know if I said it, this one takes the cake. Okay. Right.

I mean, I hope I'm pronouncing this properly. We'll see. Should I Google it first just to make sure? I don't know. Anyway, all right. I can't comment on that without having heard it. All right. I'll say it.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Look, I'll say the name and then I'll spell it. Okay. Thank you to Patreon subscriber. I hope I've got this right. Mr. Comedy. Okay. Spelled. Mr. Comedy. Okay. Spelt.

Oh, okay. M-H-Y-S-T-A-R. Yep. C-H-O-M-E-D-I-E. I think you've pronounced that spot on. Really? I don't see any other way that that could be pronounced. I don't know, man.

I've never seen that as a first or a last name. Well, it sounds Hungarian to me. So you'd be actually pretty narrow-minded. I've never seen or heard anything like that before. I've heard something similar here and there. Man, well, look, you listen back to episodes. I don't. Yeah, exactly.

Okay. Well, thanks, Mr. Comedy. Yeah, I wonder if he's from Texas as well. I don't. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Well, thanks, Mr. Comedy. Yeah, I wonder if he's from Texas as well. I don't know. Is that a Texan name? Thanks, everyone who supports the show on Patreon, patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. If you want to sign up and get bonus content every month,

including a magazine, bonus episode, extra little stuff for the next little while, littledumbdumbclub.com for links to other stuff that we have that you can get. Guys, thanks for listening. Plenty of merch there. Plenty of merch as well. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next week.

Take care. See you, mates.