The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 496 - Nick Capper & Nina Oyama

Episode Date: April 8, 2020

Another one from the good ol' days! NICK CAPPER and NINA OYAMA join us to dissect our then-recent appearance on TV's The Project! We hear about Capper getting hassled by the Bureau Of Statistics and Nina's run at Festivals before everything got cancelled, PLUS Chando's checked out the Seinfeld porn parody so we all discuss the first horny material we ever consumed!  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Nick Capa and Nina Oyama. If you enjoy this show right now, you can get onto our Patreon and get some bonus content, can't you, Carl? You can if you go to patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. If you enjoy the show, you've got the good feeling of throwing a few shekels our way, but you're also getting a shit ton of content these days, extra content sent out to you. So if you like the sound of that, if you're sitting in your little house getting a little bit bored, there's a lot of that awaiting you if you join up for, you know,

$5 or $10 at patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. We'll talk a bit more about that at the end of the show in our segment called Talking Dum-Dum. Yes, until then, enjoy this episode with Nick Capa and Nina Oyama. Hey, mates, welcome into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and with me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. Good to get. Let's get our guests in here it is oh boy it is late at night we are pretty close to burning the old midnight oil in here

it's fantastic stuff let's welcome Nina Royama. Yay. Yay. We did it. All right. Sorry we're late into that intro. We're just busy burning some midnight oil. Sorry, I thought I'd make you wait as long to introduce you as you made us wait out the front of my house for you to turn up. I'm sorry. I just forgot.

I thought it was tomorrow. I thought it was tomorrow. Yeah. Well, in that case, you're really, congratulations. Thank you. I am. You're welcome. We were going to wind up all night

for you but thanks for coming early. I feel bad because I haven't showered so I'm just kind of a bit stingy. You're on a podcast with Nick Cappas.

And hey, I'll take this over the state you were in last time you were on the show to be fair. That was great. How was that? I don't remember

anything so I'm just going to ask. You had a few.'d had a few. You'd had a few. Okay, cool. You'd drunk a few bottles of deodorant, I think. Now, guys, you guys were just on the project. True.

You guys just did a spotting project. Look, full disclosure, for people listening to this, this is recorded in the past. This has been recorded before it came out. This is one of those rare episodes we didn't record after it came out. This is in the past. We were on national TV. National TV.

Channel 10's The Project. So did you meet Dave Thornton? Man, I always wanted to meet that guy. Did you meet Hellier? I've literally spent like three days hanging out with Dave Thornton. Was it worth it, Nick? Was it worth it? Did you meet Helya? I've literally spent like three days hanging out with Dave Phillips. Was it worth it, Nick? Was it worth it? Did you meet Helya?

Did you meet him? We did meet Peter Helya. Man, that's so fucking cool. Did you meet Harley Breen? No, no. He's not on the project, cunt. He did one shift. Who else did you meet?

We met Waleed. Waleed. Yeah, we met Waleed. That was pretty cool. That's so cool. It is pretty cool to meet people who were on the last couple of episodes of our show, yes. Yes, you're right. This is nuts. So what, did you get

Helya's autograph? I did actually, yeah. You didn't see this, but I actually did get his autograph. Yeah, you should have watched it. It was great. I heard this rumour, right? Yep. You know how Letterman, you know when you did a good spot on Letterman, David Letterman would call you over the desk. Right. I heard. Hang on, is this David Letterman, the king when you did a good spot on Letterman, David Letterman would call you over the desk. Right. I heard if you do... Hang on, is this David Letterman, the King of Late Night?

Yeah. Sorry. I'm sorry. Fucking too soon. That was more of a Johnny Carson thing, but okay, let's go along with the story. Oh, right. That was it. Fuck.

I don't know. I don't know anything about comedy. Yeah. No, but I heard... Yeah, we've heard you. I think I'm the only one who got it, but I'm loving it. Yeah, I think I'm here too. I'm absolutely loving it.

Yeah, otherwise a dog whistle for anyone who knows. Yeah. I heard that if you do a good spot on the project, Rove sucks you off. Well, then we did fantastically. He came out afterwards and ate my ass, so I don't know what that means for us. I wondered what that was all about, actually.

Yeah. I didn't know the two were connected. Oh, fuck, man. I heard Rove's got Corona. Corova. Corova. Don't timestamp this. It may have blown over by then.

Don't timestamp this. Everyone in the world might be dead by the time this comes out. It's not cool to rub it in the face of everyone that's dead that we're still living at this point alright

people might be still like going oh cool hitting us up not knowing that we're dead alright we're on the front lines we start to watch

our numbers just of the podcast downloads every week just plummet and so we're emailing the World Health Organisation like hey guys I think there might be

a lot of deaths from this thing and they're like no none confirmed in the last, like, month. Oh, no, people have finally gotten over us. But should we talk about this? So we did just do the project. And after we had been on, we were in the green room.

And you said – Who was in the green room? Was Helia there? It literally was just the two of us after the interview. And Carl was like, yeah, should we head off? And I was like, oh, there's another couple of minutes left. Why don't we just stick around and say thanks to Pete and thanks to Waleed because they were on our side.

They made the interview very easy and a lot of fun. Just say hey to them. So then we stand there as they're walking out thinking they'll be like, oh, boys, great stuff. We're standing there. They just blitz past us and go, oh, yeah, good stuff. We're going home now. And then just go through a security door that we can't get in.

And then that was it. Absolutely. Peter literally goes, yeah, yeah, we're going to go home. We're going there now. See you guys. They, like, say bye to you and then they put the hand sanitiser on you. Totally. I thought they would have been stoked.

These guys stuck around. How's it feel to be back in the open mics now, bitch? You know, all the pros go home early and they uh they don't use their drink tickets yeah you guys that's where cash is in yeah that's where man no one drinks anymore so cap gets all the tickets i'll tell you what i have had some loose open mic nights lately. We're with comedians working now, huh? But yeah, we did, yeah, it was fun. I thought it went well. What did you think?

Well, you know, at this point, everyone's two weeks away. Go and have a look at it if you want. You be the judge. It was good because, you know, you get that nice little thing where when you do something like this, and you would have had this, Nina, you've been doing some cool shows lately. Oh, God, now I'm terrified of what you're about to say. No, no, no, no, no. Because he was teeing something up on his phone right before he said it.

Yeah, I saw him like ready, ready for a joke, ready for a snappy one line. I'm a cool guy. I'm a cool guy. You've been doing some cool shows lately. Carl never says that I can tell when someone's about to roast me

it's true it's true it's like all I was going to say was because the project then uploads it and puts it in there you know

it's we're sort of in an echo chamber with the listeners of this show we just do whatever and they go ah yeah

you're fuckheads or that's good or whatever it is but they put it up it's either it's one or the other but it also means the same thing to them so whatever right right but then they project put on their main page and their social media and stuff and then you're starting to hear from people that are just normal people yeah and they're just going who gives a fuck about this what the fuck is this we're all gonna die and then fucking you're putting these fucking two jokers up there what the fuck's all this about and then you're getting our fans

starting to fucking fight with them and whatever it's like oh god and then and then the people in the green room are like telling us oh you know this week we're getting a lot of this uh watches a lot of watches a lot of audience a lot more audience watching the show now you're gonna see a real boost in your followers and whatever it's like you know someone was on the other a couple of days ago and they got 100 new followers straight like in an hour it's like right that's that's a big effort and then it's like cool and then i get off and check our followers it's like one new follower straight you know that was it oh that was me guys i had to yeah yeah i heard i was i heard you guys mentioned me on there so you know what i mean? Had to jump back on.

You probably got more followers off the back of it than us because you were in our little highlights video package of us. Oh, yeah, what was in your highlights video package? Kappa. Kappa on a beach in a fluo sink. I mean, it's a podcast, so I can't imagine it would be anything that interesting. It's not a very visual medium. Wasn't there a large sign saying Planet Westgate?

Oh, yes. Yes. Yeah, that was the look I'll take there's two parts to the answer to that question the first answer

is yes there was we on a inside the show and on the even the promo it's like come on coming up next Tommy and Colin

Little Dumbum Club check this out and it's like a picture of us at our bar that we created in Koh Samui with Planet Westgate as the logo.

Is it true the slogan for that bar was Jump Off, Cunt? You've had enough. It's your time. Yeah, you've had enough life. Wrong shoes, mate, for everything. Fuck on, anyway. Damn.

Yeah. So that was on there. So that's very funny that we got that on there. But B The second part of that question The answer is You're saying Is it true this happened

What about this Kappa you've got fucking Nothing to do at the moment Why didn't you just watch us On the project A couple of hours ago What the fuck were you doing Well

This is a weird thing He was jerking off He was jerking Yeah well he should have Been jerking off to us Yeah Ah blow too early So at least you could

I was in for the long game He's the king of edging He should have been jerking off to us. No, I blow too early. I was in for the long game. He's the king of edging. I just put it on the shot of Hellier and then, you know, then I got to you guys. I actually went to pick up my girlfriend because she's got to take all her computers home to work from home. All her computers? I don't know, one computer, just a keyboard and a screen.

Are you rooting Bill Gates? Yes. Which one was Bill Gates? Was he Windows or Apple? Windows. Oh, okay. Windows. You're not rooting the dead one.

Put it that way. He's Windows. He's not Apple. He's the one without the turtleneck. Steve Gates. That probably didn't help at all. I was about to say Steve Gates. A combination of both of them.

Well, why was your girlfriend watching? Because she's a fan. That's how you met her. She's a fan of ours. Wait, she's a fan. Hang on, hang on. You met your girlfriend through Dum Dum Club? No, she was on holiday at the island.

Oh, man. Don't start this again. Oh, no, it's because you guys both met at the Westgate Oh, man. Don't start this again. Oh, no, it's because you guys both met at the Westgate Bridge, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we... No, she only discovered the Westgate after she met Kappa. Sorry. I've met the love of my life.

She's like, guess what? I've got a parachute. I'm like, you always think ahead, baby. But we were driving back, right, and the Bureau of Statistics... So let's confirm she's a fan of ours. Yeah, yeah. The Bureau of Statistics called me on the loudspeak and they've been trying to get me for, like, three days.

This is not... The Bureau of Statistics? This is a bit... Well, this is why I couldn't watch the show. This is a bit... What the fuck is the Bureau of Statistics? I don't know. They've selected our house.

And they're trying to get you. Are you talking about the fucking Nielsen ratings? Did they just see your girlfriend and go, what are the odds of you going out with her? This is fucking, what the fuck is going on? Let's do some maths on that. We've got a number we want to run by you, 69. What do you think?

Disgusting. Interesting or boring? What's the batting average there? Yeah, but that's why I couldn't watch the show because I went to pick her up. I just had to get all her computers. Yeah, why'd the Bureau of Statistics get dragged into this? Yeah, what did they do to you?

Why are you mentioning the boss? On loudspeaker, they've been calling me weekly to get these, how many hours did you work this week, whatever. I'm like, one. On the loudspeaker? What are you talking about? On the car, because I was in the car, I was driving. I thought you were saying they've been calling me on the loudspeaker? What are you talking about? In the car, because I was in the car, I was driving. I thought you were saying they've been calling me on the loudspeaker all week.

It's like, have you got a fucking PA system inside your house that they're talking to? Yeah, that's the only way I chat to people. Via Sonos. Yeah, a tapper driving around in a Mr. Whippy van. Come and get a fucking ice cream from Mr. Stinky. Man, even a handset's hard when you're jerking off. You know what I mean? A PA.

Man, you can still get the job done. Have a good time. Okay, so the Bureau of Statistics, they've been frantically trying to get a hold of you. Yeah. Yes. What were they wanting to know? They asked me every week. How long have you been working?

Because our house has been selected by some thing that we've got to, you know, are you from this country? Wait, they call you on your mobile? Yeah, yeah. So how is it? No. I've just got that one. Go around to Kappa's house. Wow, he lives at the circus.

A big tent over the house. They actually picked me because I'm the ideal male specimen. They're like, how do we find the perfect man? Like the Adonis. Anyway, we're in the car and they rang me and I said, look, I can chat now. And the ladies asked me the questions. No, you can't chat now.

You've got an important television engagement to get to. You've got fucking six to seven computers to pick up. You're too busy to chat now. And a girlfriend. Yeah. Although by your estimation, six to seven girlfriends to pick up as well. Look, guys, to be honest, it was... Talk to the Bureau of Statistics or the MISO and I'll tell you what,

what a fork in the road, eh? I was like, Bureau of Statistics or the MISO, and I'll tell you what, what a fork in the road, eh? I was like, Bureau of Statistics, any time. Yeah, am I right, guys? Good shit. Six pounds. Have a punter you love. You're right. Catch me at the gaggle hut next week.

Gaggle. I'll be on the P&O Fairstar when you want me. So, so. So, I was, you know when you go to do a hook turn, right? Oh yeah, we can all relate to this. Because we're in Melbourne. I live in Melbourne now, guys. What's a hook turn?

Very Melbourne-centric reference. Nina, it's a thing, you know how we started a comedy in Sydney. It's very simple, Nina. It's a thing where if you want to turn right, you just, for some reason, go left. Yeah, makes perfect sense. And then you cut across traffic and look like you're breaking the law and feel very panicked about it. Yeah.

Yeah. You play it coy. You're like, you're sitting in the left-hand lane like, who knows which way I'm going to turn. Maybe it'll be left in the last minute. You're like, actually, I changed my mind. Yeah, I hate it. It's like you're driving into uncommon traffic.

It's very dumb. It's very dumb. It feels good. I like the rush of going, I'm about to fuck this, I'm about to die. Well, do you know what's weird is this is the first time this ever happened to me

is I went to turn out and some bloke thought he could make the sneaky and he was flying through the red, straight through the red. There was a car in front of me so the red was gone for a while

and I nearly T-boned this guy down on the brakes and I said to the lady at the Bureau of Statistics, like, fuck, I just nearly T-boned this guy. I jammed on the brakes, and I said to the lady at the Bureau of Statistics, like, fuck, I just nearly T-boned this bloke. She's hearing about this. And she's like, how many cars were in front of you? How many behind you? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

See, getting T-boned, that would have been a good excuse for missing us on the project. That I would have accepted. Not I nearly got T-boned. No, no, no. That's why I missed your other radio appearance. I was getting T-boned. No, no, no. That's why I missed your other radio appearance. I was getting T-boned. Ah, right. Lovely stuff.

Four in the afternoon. Girl and a guy, actually. Nice. Anyway, yeah. Is T-boned a sex term? What is T-boned? It sounds like it when you say it. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm bringing T-boned in. It sounds like a belly button thing. That's what I would imagine it. If T-boned was a What is that? It sounds like a belly button thing. That's what I would imagine it. If T-bone was a sex term, it would be just someone. It's where you run into somebody and they're lying down with your dick. Yeah. They're in the fetal position and you just bump them with your dick.

Yeah. Or it's where you do a belly flop on someone else's dick. On to like a heart. A belly flop onto a dick. Yeah. Oh, God. So off diving board, they're lying down. Fully like a diver.

Fully erect. Just like presenting. That should be an Olympic sport. Sounds cool. Yeah. If you do a double T-bone, sick. Nina, what have you been up to? No splash.

No splash. Look, let me finish my story. Oh, sorry. It's so hard to know when you've finished a story or when you've started, to be fair. So, okay. You keep interrupting me. Oh, sorry. It's a great story.

I really, I really... It's like we're on some kind of comedy podcast where the riffs have got to be hot. I really don't know when... Let me tell my story. I really don't even know if I'm in a story or not with you. I don't know what's happening. I haven't even got to the ending yet,

so you don't even know if it's a story. I feel like I'm in a dream. Yeah, exactly. I don't know when it's going to end. If someone had to say to me... But I am going to tell my co-workers about it tomorrow. And they're going to fucking hate it. If someone said to me who's the David Lynch of comedy,

it would be Nick Capper, without a doubt. Oh, for sure. For sure. I am. I am. It's damn good coffee you've got here. I always wanted to do... Who killed Laura Palmer?

Can you do the impression of Dennis Hopper when he says to the guys, feel my muscles? Oh, no, I didn't know he says that. He says, fuck you, you fucking fuck or something. Yeah, that's good. That's a good. Anyway. I've seen Blue Velvet.

Daddy wants to fuck. I've seen Blue Velvet. I've had a boyfriend that was 30 years older than me. And into film. But the lady... So we're in the middle of this great story. You didn't get T-bones. I said the lady.

I nearly got... The lady's death in the hook turn. The statistical lady. A lot of computers. She goes... She goes... It's good that detail was in there. Anyway, she goes...

She goes, yeah, there's a lot of bad drivers out there, especially the international ones. Oh, fuck yeah. Nice. I was like, fuck, what have I got into there? Oh, man, you should have been like, I'm not white. You should have been like, ah. I was like, what ethnicity?

And I was like, don't say it. Just don't. Hearing this voice go, I'm Indian. Yeah, but what if you had said, well, that's actually quite racist. And then she goes, 87% of all accidents are caused by Asians. Exactly. She backs it up immediately. Couldn't argue her on it.

Yeah. I know. That's it. And I didn't know what to say. I just kind of looked at my girlfriend like, fuck, this sucks. We didn't know what to say. And then she goes, yeah, the virus is terrible, isn't it? They're not blocking off the schools, but why are they stopping all the excursions?

But they didn't stop my daughter's excursion. So now we're stuck on this mad story about this lady. She's like, my daughter was on a year nine excursion and it's like 10 Ks down a dirt road. So I doubt the virus will get there. The virus tends to follow the bitumen, in my experience. It's not like the virus is spread by humans going on the fucking tour. Have you heard that kids are playing, they've got a game called Coronavirus, and it's like tag, but instead of one person doing the tag,

and then it switches to another person. Once you get tagged you infect and you're part of the coronavirus and then they run around the play about fucking touching each other until everyone's got it.

Until everyone's got the coronavirus and that's actually how it spreads. It's like Ring-a-Ring-a-Rosie except your grandma dies. I was going to say it's like how I'm ironically

into Smash Mouth but then the other day I started listening for pleasure. Yeah. It gets stuck in your head and then you're singing it out loud and then you do it at karaoke and then you've downloaded it off iTunes for a sketch, quote unquote.

Yeah, and then you're like, I guess I'm just a fucking Smash Mouth head now. Yeah, can you grab me one, please, Kappa? Yes. Yeah, just one. Nina, what have you been up to lately? So you've just, look, full disclosure for people at home Hopefully they know by now The Comedy Festival season in Australia has been curtailed

Which means that Melbourne didn't happen A couple of the other You're one of the rare people that you actually Did a half decent little tour In terms of you did what, Adelaide and Brisbane? Yeah, I did the first two weeks of Adelaide And the second or first week of Brisbane. Yeah.

And it was... So you actually have a good show that's finished by now, so... Oh, sort of. I don't know if it's that good. But it was, yeah, it got there. It's like it was a show by the end of it. Yeah. Yeah.

So Brisbane and Adelaide, two fine little cities that we did ourselves a couple of weeks ago. Yeah. Treating you well? Yeah, it was pretty fucking – Dude, I've never toured before and it really is a fucking – not terrible, it's a crazy time because you're like – you do your show, you get off at like 11,

then you do a bunch of gigs and you get out at 1 and then you're like, I've got all this energy. And so you just drink and then you're at someone's like balcony at 7am and you're like, what is my – and then you go to sleep and then you wake up and you have terrible anxiety about your gig. Right. And then you do it and it's like this what is my life? And then you go to sleep and then you wake up and you have terrible anxiety about your gig. And then you do it. And it's like this fucking cycle of just drinking.

And there was a, oh my God, I got a weed guy in Adelaide. And this is how like lax they are about weed. He saved his name as like Dave, last name weed. Right. And I was like six. I was just high all the time. It was fucked. But we stayed in this Airbnb and met another comedian

and we like had everyone back to our place at like 3 o'clock in the morning. And we were drunk. We were off topic. We were hype. We were on everything. We had a lot of stuff. And when we were buzzing our friends up, we accidentally pressed the wrong button

and we set off the security alarm. And it started going beep, beep, beep. And we started freaking out. So we started mashing all the buttons on the alarm. And then it went boo, boo, boo. And just like the entire neighborhood at like 3 a.m. And we're all all the buttons on the alarm and then it went and just like the entire neighborhood at like 3 a.m awesome and we're all just standing outside on the balcony because we're like just there was no other place to escape but it was like we thought the security were going to

rock up we had like so many drugs and then someone was like we should call the cops in ourselves and we're like well i don't call the cops and then and then it stopped and then we were like we'll go back inside and then someone like put their arm through the screen door like just to test not through the screen door but like put their arm in the building and then it just went off again it was like for 10 minutes but then the other weird thing was we were staying above this band and this isn't very fun whatever just very quickly have you been scared off by kappa's effort where you're telling the story at a million miles a second so that none of us can join in. I'm just, I just wanted to,

I don't know. It's fine. No, it's totally fine. I haven't talked to anyone all day. Hey guys, how's it going? Here's my entire life. No, I'm not knocking it.

I'm just like, someone has fucking learned a lesson from the last 20 minutes. Don't give them any gaps. But like, it was terrifying. But then this random thing happened where there was this Japanese, very famous Japanese punk band who happened to be staying below us and they were at, like, Shonen Knife.

It was Guitar Wolf. Ah, yeah, Guitar Wolf. Yeah, Guitar Wolf. Sick, man. Yeah, so they all, like, rocked up at 3.30 after playing WOMAD and we're all out there and, like, the alarm had stopped but we're all stuck on the balcony and someone had to go and see their kids. They were like, I can't be here.

It's like 4am, I've got to go see my kids. Name and shame, who's this? No, I can't. Hey kids, get up. It was Husey. Nah, get up. Get up, Dad's home. Ring-a-ring-a-rosie.

We're all on the fucking balcony. And it was just like these fucking band rocks up of Japanese rockers and one of the comedians knew them and he was like, oh, hey, Guitar Wolf. And they were like, yes, yes. And then they start looking at our balcony, which is flashing a red colour. It was flashing the wrong colour.

And they just kept staring at it because it was flashing onto their balconies. It was just very stressful. And eventually we got back in and the alarm stopped going off but we thought we were gonna die we were like too high in the street yeah did you go to that bar nina and probably probably not it was mostly people's houses oh really it was mostly my house once someone took us to this bar right it was down this fucking back alley like not even one sign or anything it's kind of what a bar you picture like to be in melbourne like no signs nothing it was like litter everywhere whatever speak easy like all the alcohols made it was like

that yeah and we walked down and then they said okay we're closing up soon but what we do is we pull this curtain across turn all the lights out, get all the patrons out, then anyone who's been infringed just stays here and drinks for five bucks a drink. I've been there, the producer's bar. Something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was crazy. It was awesome.

It was just people smoking inside. It was the craziest thing ever. Big time prohibition. It was like drugs going around. It was absolutely bizarre. First time I went to England, we were doing that. They were called, what are they called? Lockouts.

Lockins? Lockins. Yeah, the opposite of what I said. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, lockins. And it was like, yeah, I never quite figured out how that works. It's just like because they had very early closing hours in England at the time at least. It's like we're all sitting around and then they just go –

and if you just sit around and like don't leave, they go, okay, we're turning all the lights off, everyone. Okay. And you just stay there and they're like, all right, we're closed now, everyone. Cool. And then we're just still sitting there. Yeah. And then just everyone just gets paralytic for the next five hours.

Did you ever go to – in Richmond, we actually walked past it tonight, the Great Britain, which doesn't exist anymore. But it had like a famous kind of lock-in thing where it was like pretty typical, like just classic sticky floor pub, and it had like an underground thing that like would turn into like a nightclub. Yes. I've been there. Yeah, several times I've ended up down there. With a

gun to my head, I couldn't tell you from which part of the on-ground bit you get to the... I couldn't tell you where the stairwell is to get into the underground bit, even though I've been in there maybe three times in my life. I've always been so fucked when I've ended up in there where it's like

lock-in party downstairs. If you want to stay, you've all got to be in the basement. And it's fucking great down there. The weirdest part of this story is there's a pub called The Great Britain. Yeah. Well, not anymore. It's gone. Hello, fancier pinger.

But it's just like, because you get down there and there's like, oh, there's a DJ ready to go. And it's just like a completely different vibe to being upstairs. It's like pool table, pretty cage, sport on the telly and then it's like, all right, let's get doofing and fucking chewing pingas until the like, just the idea of like hanging out there and just like waiting like, come on boys, let us downstairs.

We need this. How was Brisbane, Nina? So that's Adelaide. So Adelaide's fucked up. Yeah, that was Adelaide. Adelaide, I was just fucked most nights. Brisbane, I was fucked One night

And it was the night That I went to Fortitude Have you guys been To Fortitude Valley I don't think I've been Outside of Fortitude Valley Yeah In Brisbane

We've All of our shows Have been there And we've We never seem to go Anywhere else Except that I don't even know

What the rest of Brisbane's like I reckon Me either to be honest But I went to Ricks Have you been to Ricks Man that's crazy. Rick's is... That's full old club.

What's... Were they playing Usher or something? Yeah, we were right near there. And we went on like a Wednesday night. So what is Rick's? Rick's is like a club where 16 to 18-year-olds go to finger each other. Right, nice. But it's kind of like...

You're like, hey, I'm a bit older. Yeah. Pass it up. I felt like a better... I felt wrong for being there. But we were like, like a pattern. You're like, hey, I'm a bit older. Yeah. Pass it up. I felt like a pattern. I felt wrong for being there. But we were like, if we're going to kick on, we're going to go to Fortitude Valley. It's the only place that's open.

And if we're going to go to Fortitude Valley, we've got to get drugs. And so we just kept talking to people, being like, who? We're like, any kind in a polo shirt. We're like, hey, man, do you know where to get a bag? Like, it was so cringy. Like, I couldn't even, like, you're doing one of those, you know those things where you're like, hey, so, do you know where to get a bag? Like, it was so cringy. Like, I couldn't even, like, you're doing one of those, you know those things where you're like, hey, so good to see you. And you, like, just kind of hug a stranger.

Then you're like, do you know where I can get fucking? And it was the worst because, like, I always do it, but then, like, there was this real creepy guy that kept following us around from place to place afterwards being like, yeah, let's hang out. And I was like, no, if you don't have drugs, I don't want to hang out with you. But we ended up going to Rick's and because like

you know you do heaps of cash in hand gigs and so I had like $150 in like $50 notes and I finally I found someone The CEO of the ATO

listens to this by the way Oh good good Did you send your manager $15? Send him one pinger in your square I sent him 15% of my little cap. But we found one place and we fucking split this pinger in a toilet.

And the toilet was like filled to the brim with just various items. Like normal toilet items, but then like... I like how you're just very flagrantly saying, I'm taking so many drugs, but I don't want to name that there's shit in a toilet? Someone did a dookie in there. Yeah. And it was gross. It's like train spotting, but in Brisbane.

Yeah. Right. It was worse than the train spotting toilet. Like, it was, I didn't look in it, but we all just. No, because you're a lady, of course not. Yeah, exactly. I ended up in Ipswich. But we all still had this this thing and i remember when i

got the ping i like the guy was like it's 20 bucks and i was like sick and then i was like i only have 50 and he's like yeah that's cool like i was asking him i was like is it cool if i pay you 50 and then i slipped it to him and then in the morning i realized like i'd just given him like 150 dollars oh i was so drunk as well. I was just on a different level. And I was just like, fucking hell. And the ping it didn't even work. We all had it. Jesus.

And then we went and sat back down. You should have just gone back and got more of whatever got you to the stage of thinking $150 was $20. I'm excited, man. He's like, man, buddy, interstate people, fuck. You've made it worse. You've made it worse for the rest of us now. Oh, it's Siders, man. He's like, man, buddy, interstate people, fuck. Yeah. You've made it worse. You've made it worse for the rest of us now, and now Brisbane Drug Deal is going to think the rest of us are absolute chumps.

I went to a concert the other night with two friends of mine, one of whom I don't see too often, but he's a doctor. He has two kids, so he's, like, you know, living a pretty different life, like living a pretty chill life. He came out to this concert because it's a band the three of us really like and we're standing there waiting for them to come on. They're like dance music kind of stuff. What band is it? Hot Chip.

Oh, fuck. Hot Chip's awesome. Why wouldn't you say Hot Chip? I don't know. What are you, shamed? It's not really relevant to the story. No, I'm not ashamed at all. As we were standing there like they're about to come on,

this like absolute fucking cooked unit comes up and goes up to this friend of mine and goes hey man have you got any caps i could buy and the rest of it is laughing already going you've absolutely picked you couldn't have all of us standing here tommy that was me the worst the worst one out of it and then this guy this mate of mine just qualifies as even more by going, what's a cap? Like, fuck, you've been out of the game so long, my friend. And this guy, this real rock spider looking cunt just goes, oh, fuck, oh, yeah, and then just like kind of gets the shits and storms off and then he's like turning to us and like, but seriously, what is a cap?

Can you guys explain it to me? We're like, it's empty, mate. Wish I knew. Oh, right. Okay, cool, cool. Nina, I think your your mate. Wish I knew. Oh, right. Cool, cool. Nina, I think your boyfriend told me a cool story. Oh, did he? Years ago, years ago.

Oh, no. I think this was even before you might have even met him. Probably. It was years ago. He's very old. What's the gap? What's the age? 17 years. Oh, what are you and what's he?

I'm 26 and he's 43, maybe? 44? But he's the craziest, coolest dude. Yeah, he rules. He used to live, you know, I think he still lives in Marrickville or somewhere. Yeah. And I used to live around there. And one time I ran into him and he told me this story that he made a film once

and there was like $1,000 left over. Yeah. So what he did was he had like a wrap party and then he stapled like fifth like in fifty dollar notes to the people like a thousand dollars to two different people so they had five hundred dollars hanging off them so two different people will walk around with fifty dollar, $50 notes stuck to them. Wait, Craig did this? Yeah, yeah.

Or it might have been $10 notes. It might have been a smaller amount. He said they were covered in. Covered in notes. They were covered in notes. Yeah, $500 each. And he said, just run through the park and everybody at the party has to, you know, whatever money you get, you get to keep.

Right. And I was like, man, that sounds like a lot of fun. He's like, man, it sounded like fun at first, but people were tearing these people to shreds. He said it was the most animalistic thing he's ever seen. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I'm not saying it.

It was a long time ago he told me. And it was fucking hilarious. He's done some weird shit. Do you know for his 30th he had a cake making competition? And he was friends with heaps of women at the Country Women's Association. Because he was working there like

licking envelopes or something. Okay, sorry. I wasn't knocking it before. You are going to have to slow down for this particular one. Okay. He was licking envelopes for the Country Women's Association. If I wasn't knocking it before, you are going to have to slow down for this particular one. Oh, yeah, okay. Okay. So, he was licking envelopes for the Country Women's Association. Yeah.

Right. That was his job. Yeah. For a while. And so, because of that, he had his... And he was doing that at the age of 30 years old. So, he's going well. Yeah. Yeah.

Everything's working out at this point. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, he did Uber, like, last summer. Oh, right. Okay. Oh, you've got to watch his documentary though.

It's so good. His documentary? He's had three documentaries made about him. Yeah. Really? Yeah. And one of them is about

how he went to Japan to lose weight and it's called Miso Hungry. What? I haven't seen that one but I've got to see it. It's so fucking hard to watch. We're going to have to bookmark a fair bit of this stuff that's happening.

All right, let's start there. Let's get into that bit. Why did he go to Japan to lose weight? What's the idea of losing weight in Japan? Because Japanese people eat better than white people. Okay. And he just ate like miso soup and like eggs and like boiled fish. Is that how you guys met?

No. But it is how we got along really well. Yeah, right. Because he was like convincing you how to cook all these dishes. And I was like, no, like I'm actually Japanese. And then he was like, well, I was actually taught. Actually, there's a documentary about me. Wow.

It was a real funny thing he did because he's making this horror movie and it's a documentary about him making a horror movie. Yeah, this is the other documentary. And it's incredible. I was going to say, he's making a horror movie

and it's a documentary. I'm like, how do you make a horror movie that's a documentary unless you just follow around a person who's stabbing people to death? Yeah, well. Wait, hang on.

He's making a horror movie. He's making a horror movie he's making a horror movie yeah i knew that he's a filmmaker there's a documentary about someone's in a horror movie right right right okay and so wait hang on who's the yeah and it's documentary about him making the horror movie yeah and sam campbell to release sam campbell is the main character in the horror movie yeah yeah it's the best but he does this weird thing something that i thought was just hilarious and something i would probably do as well, yeah. It's the best, but he does this weird thing, something that I thought was just hilarious and something I would probably do as well,

is he's got to edit the film, but he's in debt for like, I don't know, 20 or 40 grand or something. And he goes, all right, I've got to edit this film. So then he just books a cruise ship to edit the film because he's like, well, I'm going to be away. It's got all the meals. It's actually cheaper. So he's turning up.

He's getting on the P&O cruise with like the full fucking edit bay. All the computers. Pushing. He's going out of your girlfriend's car. Put him on the cruise ship.

That's tight. I fucking actually love that. That's great. Man, it's awesome. It's the best documentary. It's so fucking good. And then he like, he shows,

because you know when you, if you go on a cruise, I don't know if you've been on a cruise, but you get seated at a table for dinner service and so you have to sit with random people. And so he goes to the table and then he asks all the random people

if they'll go back to his little room and watch the horror documentary. Oh, man. Sorry, the horror film. Right. And then they all, because, yeah, and there's that scene where like he, so in the film there's a scene where like this pregnant lady and her husband have sex. And then these people were like, no, that's not how you fuck a pregnant lady.

And then they pretend that one of them bends over and they're like, this is how you fuck a pregnant lady. Oh, my God. And it's all in the documentary. Because surely if you're on a cruise ship, you're a couple, and you meet this guy at dinner who's just like, come back to my room and watch a cut of the documentary I'm working on. No, the film.

The film I'm working on. You're like, well, this is code for cucking. There's no chance of this being an actual film. But not if he's bringing six people back or something, though, mate. Yeah, and they all just sit there and they fucking watch it. But it's a good film. I like it. What's it called?

Red Christmas. Yeah, yeah. And what's the documentary called? A horror movie, A Low Budget Nightmare. It's so good. But this is a weird thing. I was just in this hotel by myself in Vanuatu about to do my first. See, that shows how well we know Kappa Nina and how you don't know.

Like, that didn't get a reaction out of me. We've seen it all at this point. You were genuinely caught off guard by that one. We were like, yeah, yeah, go on, tell us about Vanuatu. I don't know, it's something about the way that Kappa says Vanuatu. Vanuatu. Vanuatu. I was a travel agent for a while.

All of a sudden it sounds a while. Vanuatu. All of a sudden it sounds a lot less exotic when Kappa says it. It sounds like a suburb in Brisbane. Yes, yes. Vanuatu. When I was a travel agent, I worked in an office with a guy who was an alcoholic and he was crazy. But also... He's got the same story. I pissed him off all the time.

It's just a mirror. Kappa, you work from home. It was a pretty rough time for me, actually. I was known to hit the bottle then. Yeah, but... It was just Capper studying his own flight centre and him dressed up as a fucking captain standing outside his own house.

Man, a captain suit cost me a lot it's just nick and john trudeau took a month for me to pay it off um but yeah the bloke say nick when you're selling trips to thailand it's phuket not phuket okay okay yeah not phuket no i used to say uh yeahuket, it's $2.99 for a flight or something. And then after I did this, like, for a month straight, after him telling me every time I got off the phone, one time he just yells in my ear while I'm in a customer, Phuket! Phuket! Phuket! And I was like, man, that guy's got a short fuse.

Fuck. But it turns out he was an alcoholic, yeah. Saw him necking a, you know an alcoholic at night in the morning. Yeah, but he probably wasn't an alcoholic until he hired you. Yeah, I think you had something to do with it. Now you just see a guy at night in the morning necking Sprite with no label on the bottle, and you're like, oh, yeah.

He is in the mix. Meany, your boyfriend, Carl, you'd like him. His whole Instagram account is just him documenting. Doesn't he have like the world's biggest collection of VHS tapes or something like that? Yeah, he's got like over 50,000 VHS tapes. Every weird, obscure VHS tape that exists. And he's got heaps of porn ones too. And I was looking through them the other day.

One of them was called Come On Nuns. Right. Yeah, pretty regularly he'll post something of just like some obscure fucked movie that no one else has ever heard of and I'll look at the screen, I'll look at the photo and go, that title sounds familiar and then I'll remember the only other place I've ever heard of it is from you, Carl, describing it to me. It's like, oh yeah, there used to be this fucked video down at the Maryborough video shop that we'd

rent all the time. So it's like, I reckon there's a big crossover with you and this guy. Maybe one day when you're 43, you'll be just like... One day. I've got a 27-year-old girlfriend. I'm 26, actually. Rude. I'm baby. I'm actually 18 guys

me no yeah no we were big ones for that like trying to find the going through a video shop trying to find the fucktest video of all time that was the relentless mission for me and my mate were obsessed with them we never I think you've I think we've talked about this I think you have seen this but I still to this day have no

idea really what it is we're obsessed with the Jurassic Park parody that was at the local video store called Chicken Park. Yes. Oh, yeah. Did you ever watch that? No, we never watched it. We were too scared to rent it. We were like, it's probably too good.

Oh, man, we're watching it tonight. We are watching it tonight. Chicken Park. Yeah, I used to always see it go, what is that? What is Chicken Park? What is Chicken Park? I've never heard of it. Well, halfway through the conversation before we just started this show but i was we were talking about we had a big talk

about seinfeld before we started this episode right now and we started the show just as i'd said to you kappa that i have seen part of the seinfeld porn parody which is like you know the the i think maybe in the 90s they used to make a bit of effort in turning the name of a show. Jurassic Park would have been Jurassic Fuck or whatever. Well, that's creative. It's pretty good. It really went out of the limb there. Jurassic anal.

Jurassic sex. Jurassic. Yeah, Jurassic's pretty good. Jurassic Fuck. Oh, yeah, that's it. That's what I'm looking for. Just Jurassic Park. No, but... You just ought to push him a bit. No, no, no, no. That's what I'm looking for. Just Jurassic Park. No, but...

You just ought to push him a bit. Then he gets creative. No, no, no. I'm saying that's all in the past. It's worse than that now. Now they just say, like, fucking Big Bang Theory, a porn parody. That's what they call it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like, you've got Big Bang in there. Like, why can't you play with that? And they just go, Big Bang Bang Theory a XXX porn parody so I've seen part of Seinfeld a XXX porn parody and it's

why I just big fan of Seinfeld just just to complete this thing just trying to bat off

to regular Seinfeld I'm so close I really am so close if I actually saw Jerry's dick go in I'm sure I could get that I was so close I really am so close If I actually saw Jerry's dick go in I'm sure I could get there

I was so close Newman kept walking in Screwman I was watching it See that would have been In the 90s Not these days Screwing is just so

Such a fucking Old school term For rooting It, not these days. Screwing is just so... Such a fucking old school term for rooting. This is great. Screwing. Screwing. What were the horny videos you guys would get when you were growing up? Oh, right. Oh, Wild Things was a fucking huge one.

Oh, man, Wild Things. Denise Richards is in an absolute prime. Denise Richards, Neve Campbell, Kevin Bacon, sing a bit of Kevin Bacon's Chop. Oh, do you? There's something for everyone. I didn't even know you did. Early one where it was like

early to see boobs in, you know, common to see boobs in an MA rated film. But yeah, seeing a bit of an outline of a dick of someone just like dripping wet. Right. Oh yeah,

I was like, good for, you know, good for the sisters. No, I never never seen it. Good for the sisters. No, I never. Well, I had porn by the time I reached that age. Oh, yeah. Online.

There was no titillation. I have a distinct memory of Cameron Diaz in Charlie's Angels 3. And there's a scene where she takes her top off in the bath. Right. For like half a second. And I was like, oh, that's a thing. Oh, really? I was like, that's a thing. Oh, really? I was like, that's a vibe.

But it was very short. I don't even think you saw a nipple. I was just like, oh, that's... I was like, oh, I'm gay. Right, right, right. I remember the first time I ever felt a little bit horny when I was like six or seven and I watched the Bedroom Eyes film clip.

Oh, I feel sick. Nick Kappa getting a six year old heart on Mum Mum It's happening again And to go from Nina's Describing Cameron Diaz's breasts So then that

I mean we needed A bit of a palate cleanser In between It was Bedroom Eyes By um Kate Sobrano Kate Sobrano Yeah

I've never Don't even know what that song is I don't know why it made me horny It was like a merry go round Couple kissing Kate Sobrano Kate Sobrano Attractive lady That's why I don't even know what that song is. I don't know why it made me horny. It was like a merry-go-round, people kissing. Kate Soprano, attractive lady, that's why. Yeah, yeah.

And it's Bedroom Eyes. It's a very seductive song. Did she sing My Island Home? No. Oh, I'm sorry. No. Christina, no. No.

Oh, is that Red Hot? Fuck, I'm sorry. That's Red Hot. I don't know Australian singers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you remember Kiss Kiss by Holly Valance? Yes. Oh, yeah. That was a Red Hot video.

Oh, really? That was Red Hot. I remember I knew a guy or a friend of mine knew a guy who was in that video clip. It was her scantily clad, surrounded by a bunch of nude men and they all got the tape, the call before, tape it down, boys. Oh.

Before you come in to film this, you're going to be lying there in your jocks. With a naked lady. Tape it down. Tape it down. Tape it down. Yeah, yeah, my friend's words is like... Not like get rid of it first.

Not like go before you walk in. No, it was like, well, you know, look, we've been... That'd be a professional if you did that. Yeah, well, we've been in these positions before where, you know, people think we've been in these... That'd be a professional if you did that. Yeah, well, we've been in these positions before where, you know, people think they've taken care of it. And look, just for your own sake, the worst thing that can happen for you is... Is that you crack a job.

Yeah, you're in your jocks. Everyone's going to see. It's just this is for your own good. Tape it down. That makes that video so much less sexy to know that those guys had fucking duct tape absolutely like straining right but it is the gaffer tape just straining under the pressure is it wrong is it wrong to go what an absolute badge of honor for holly valance that they've

had to clear the set and go make make people tape their dicks down. You're about to be so sexy in this film clip that we need to use gaffer tape to tie down people. See, actually, that's a prerequisite for every show that I do. Oh, really? You hand out tape as the men are walking in. I'm like, you're going to get horny. Yeah, you'll get your bar up in the show

and I'll be able to see from on stage. I'll roast you. Don't worry. I absolutely will. I just think that's a genuine story to tell your grandchildren. You know, all of a sudden when you're 70 and you're talking to your grandchildren, they're like, oh, that's Nan. You don't know what you're talking about.

It's like, I'll tell you. Back in my day, they had to tape down 10 men's dicks. I was that fucking hot. I dare say this information would have been kept from Miss Phalanx yeah what if she

requested it everyone was so respectful today well what if she was disappointed what if she

was like oh I thought at least one of them was right yeah yeah I guess I'm ugly

everybody hates me why does everyone think I'm repulsive and why am I stuck to six men Yeah from my recollection They were all kind of wearing garbage bags

Like a garbage bag type material Maybe I'm thinking of a different clip It might be this I don't know What about if the director goes Great job today Holly Not a free dick in the house What if they did that on Seinfeld,

a XXX porn parody? Tape it down today, boys. Alright, I don't know how we're going to get this done, but sure, okay. Yeah, well, you're doing something like that and you're thinking they're going to want it taped down and then you say to the director, you know, this sexy woman here, singing and she's scantily clad

and I'm in my underpants. This isn't my first rodeo I've taped down. They're like, no, no, no, we want live erections in this music video. That's the life. But didn't you read the brief? Yeah. They're like, tape it up. Yeah, if she's not doing it for you, think of grandma or whatever gets you off.

I could get into it. I want to see those tents pitched. Yeah, yeah. So the Horny movie when I was growing up, yeah, I think Wild Things was like a go-to horny movie. That's in that TV show Pen15. They go to this guy's house and they watch Wild Things. Oh, really?

And it's really uncomfortable because everyone's topless and they're kind of horny but they're like very young. Excuse me. Oh, my God, I just did a burp. But, yeah, and it's like very weird. I don't know if I've ever said this on the show but I remember being at a friend's beach house with a friend and we went into the local video shop.

And this is the first time I saw Wild Things. He, I think it was like with my parents. Why? Do you watch it with your parents? No, no, no. Because we were like under 15. So it was like he had to be over 15 to rent it. And my mum rented it for us and then just left us alone to watch it.

And it's just like, it's so raunchy. And we get to the end. I heard this is a great little comedy suitable for children. My parents were pretty cool with renting MA stuff, even though it's like, clear that by the cover of that, it's just full on sex for the entire film. Yeah, because it's two women coming out of the water all naked, right? But that's not like...

They're only up to their eyes or something on the cover. I think that they... But you can see Mo's eyes. You know what they're thinking. But they could possibly think, oh, this is just some sort of swimming car. This is a 100-metre backstroke. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mum was like, she wasn't about nudity or swearing. So much about violence. Like, horrible. Oh, really? The worst shit you could ever see. Didn't matter. Like, I watched Predator when I was like, you know, eight or something. Wow.

Yeah, just all... I watched all these... I remember re-watched Robocop like a few years ago. And it was like my favorite movie as a kid. And I was like, this is the most fucking violent thing I've ever seen like a guy gets all of his limbs shot off yeah but it also rules i fucking i watched it for the first time like this here and i was like this is sick yeah cone in the barbarian i used to watch that with my mom and there's like some heavy sex scenes in there and also people's getting their heads chopped off like a first scene is a woman getting her head

chopped off wow and i've i re a woman getting her head chopped off. Wow. And I re-watched it a few months ago and I texted mum and I was like, just watch Conan. So good. I remember I watched Brokeback Mountain with my mum when I was pretty young and I remember, you know when they're in the tent and they're having sex for the first time but it's not explicit?

Spoilers. I haven't seen it but anyway. Well, fucking too late, cunt. But it's like you see this silhouette in the tent and then you just hear like and my mom just like leaned over to me and she goes nina they're having sex is it with the silhouette in the tent is it like austin powers where you can just see like stuff going in his ass. Just various items. But it's like, it's careful not to like, you don't see it too close to you. You just see it from afar. What if you went, what, Heath Ledger and Jared Gyllenhaal, whatever his name is.

What's his name? Jake Gyllenhaal? Or is it Jared Leto? No, it's Jared Gyllenhaal. It's Jared Gyllenhaal. Jake Gyllenhaal is apparently gay. It's Jared from Subway. Actually gay.

Jared from Subway. And Heath Ledger's nine. And he's putting his footlong right up him. They'd be like, Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal? I don't think so, Mum. They're two dudes. Your mum just recalls in shock. My parents were pretty cool, just to finish off that.

My mum was fine with renting MA MA rated stuff for me and a friend as long as, like, you know, she would check with, like, the friend's parent. Like, you're cool with them watching? Yeah, whatever. And so this friend of mine, we're in the video store, and his thing was, let's, we've got to get what's, because, you know, like, MA stuff down the bottom, it would say, like, the ratings classification in Australia. Which, why, why?

It would say why it ratings classification in Australia it would say why it was yeah and so he was like we've got to find the thing that's got we've got to get

the most nudity and the most because it would be like low level sex scenes and so he's like yes

this is high nudity mid level sex scene we can take a hit on the level of sex scene to get the high nudity so rent it who'd you go to school with Hugh Hefner

man this guy was just that kid that just gets like way too horny before everyone else so we get to the end of the film and it finishes and he's like

my friend's like fuck that was awesome and then he just goes over to the VCR that's at the end of Wild Things end of Wild Things gets to the end

and he does that and then just walks he's like let's watch it again and goes over to the VCR and hits rewind. So it does that thing where it's rewinding but like as play is still hit. So you're just watching it in reverse for like half an hour.

Like it doesn't go that quick. So we're just watching it go like out and then back in again. Like just, you know, just like, and then we just literally, I've never done this before in my life, watching a movie again immediately after you've just watched it. This guy just could not get enough. And I was like, I don't feel fucking safe around you. You know when people call into the radio and they're like,

oh, yeah, so my friend has this problem. And you're like, oh, it's totally you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wonder what happened to that guy. I actually looked that guy up. Yeah, his name was Tommy and he's definitely not me. Like, he was definitely my friend. There's some sad things that happen you see when you're a man,

like just sad stuff like that, like a kid rewinding just to see a pair of tits or whatever. Yeah. And you just have – sometimes you've been watching a porno or something like that and you're like, not even occurred to you how sad it is or whatever but you know sometimes you see those things like i remember when i'd been living in sydney for like three or four years and i went back to work on the farm and i was like i'll go out on the town in gunda windy you know where i'm from my mates and i went out in the town

that the nightclub started 12 he's like there's I was like, cool. The country's still awesome. You can still party in the country. And I walked through this. We walked into this house and it was just eight of the biggest farmer dudes you've ever seen just all watching a porno. And I'm like, this is the fucking set. You know what I mean? You know, you just something hits true as a man where you're like,

oh, what am I? Yeah. Dude, I have like the reverse experience in year six where like everyone started watching the OC in year five and it was like quite a sexy show. Like in the first episode, like Marissa loses her virginity. Yeah. But in like the second season, Marissa like, oh, this is quite dark now.

But at the time it was like, but she gets like raped by this guy. But it wasn't like. Yeah, right. It was like back then. I remember watching it. It was like weirdly hot. And I went by this guy. But it wasn't like... You're right, it was like... It was like... I remember watching it. It was like weirdly hot. It was really funny back then.

And I went to this party. In hindsight. It was just the time. Nineties were crazy. Dude, like the 2000s, like when you're young and you're like, oh, any sex as like a teenage girl because you're not like, not even a teenage girl, like it's a 12-year-old girl,

you're like, you're not supposed to watch certain things. So it was kind of like... Like I remember when I was like 12 or whatever, I i masturbated and i was like it's not masturbating because only boys masturbate like i was just like i was like what i'm doing is totally different but it's like anyway but you would watch this stuff and it's like your only like reference for what sex is it was like that in the dolly sealed section and i remember like going to this party and for some reason she'd invited everyone in the grade and like everyone had kind of gone off into their little pockets but one room was just people watching the oc and this girl kept being like

put on the rape scene and we were like oh my god but it was like because we didn't have any reference for sex like it was weird it was like oh this is our thing for kit for like some guys throwing a change of party he's like what do you say we get the limbo stick out no there was no who wants to play twister dude there was no guys it was just like it was like a Lord of the Clies but people do it

consensually on that show like why does it gotta be that sad I don't know because it was it had just come out like and it was also like that guy was really hot

it was a weird thing but it was like fuck it was so fucked that's like I knew a guy who watched Wild Things twice in a row

I wonder what ever happened to that weirdo I wanna know what happened to this weirdo. Fuck it, Al. I don't know. She'd probably find out. But it was just a weird party, man.

I remember there was this chick called Rosie and she started pole dancing and everyone was just standing about her watching her. And it was like, it was a weird thing because girls don't know how to, they don't know how to express their sexuality when they're young. So it just comes out in really fucked ways. And so I just remember like watching this shit called Rosie, like fucking hump a pole. And like,

no one had ever kissed. No one had ever like, you know, done anything. No one had a boyfriend. Like it was just at this level of where we're so like confused. Yeah. And just watching things and we're like,

okay, like, yeah, I guess this is, I don't know what's happening. Man, I remember spending going to, I had a mate that was like, that was the mate that

you go to where his parents didn't give a fuck. Yeah. And so he'd hire all the like semi-pornos, all the, whatever it was. And like, they're not watching him or whatever. So I remember staying at his house and we didn't stay in the house, they had a caravan. So we just stayed in the caravan. And so the express reason to stay at this mate's caravan all weekend is because he had like six porno magazines.

Hell yeah. So that was the weekend just reading pornos and then just swapping with other people for a whole weekend. God, fuck. The gap in generations, it's like you, caravan, reading porno. So you're all in the caravan jerking off. No, no, not jerking. But that was it. Were you reading it for the caravan jerking off. No, no, not jerking. But that was it.

When you're reading it for the articles, like, why would you? Yeah, well, it wasn't like a public thing of like jerking off. It was just like just being frustrated. Seeing some norks. Yeah. But you just don't know. Gap in Generations, you magazine of pornos. Yeah.

Me, roughly 10 years below you, renting wild things. Nina, 10 years below me. Watching things Nina 10 years below me watching the rape scene from the OC yeah Jesus what an evolution I haven't watched a real one although for me

I think Who magazine because my mum always used to get Who magazine and occasionally like somebody like Jordan that British oh yeah she would have her tits out

and you'd be like oh yeah oh yeah right I'll just rip this bit out and she won't notice. Katie Price. Katie Price, yeah. One of the weirdest things I saw when I was young, we used to go, there's this weird place kind of a couple of hours from where I'm from

called Lightning Ridge and it's where they dig up the opals. Yeah. And every now and then they have the Lightning Ridge Opal Festival and our friend used to go there and sell quilts and we used to go there and it's where they dig up the opals. Yeah. And every now and then they have the Lightning Ridge Opal Festival. And our friend used to go there and sell quilts, and we used to go there and just have a big party all weekend, you know. We were like, I was like eight or ten or something like that. I don't know how old I was.

You used to sell quilts. Yeah, she used to sell Aussie wool quilts like these. Quilts. Anyway, there's heaps of weird people out at Lightning Ridge. Oh, really? Yeah, they're all like opal. They're all like millionaires, but they don't show it. They live underground. Some people build like city.

There's this dude who's built a town out of bottles, you know, like all these houses out of bottles. They sound awesome. And we were kids just mucking around in this town made out of bottles. Like it had all these houses. Our parents were looking around. And, you know, when you're a kid, you just like like there was two other brothers as well we were just mucking around and we saw this door that said staff only and you know you go in there when you're a kid go in there

and you know old picture magazines you might know this car old picture and people magazines like the old pornos they softcore porn yeah you would for truck drivers purely to jerk off or whatever yeah you they always had words like splooge and shaft yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's so gross um and um shaft yeah or red hot member i put my red hot member honey pot yeah like in 10 things i heard about you how he's like bratwurst. That's like some of Intent Things. Baps is great. Honey Pot. Yeah. Or like Intent Things I heard about you, how he's like bratwurst, and she's like, ooh, bratwurst is a wonderful word. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Penthouse forums have –

He pushes throbbing bratwurst. Oh, bratwurst, that is so perfect. That's a German tinge as well, which is great, you know, an exotic European. But the – because the Penthouse forums, they used to have a big story, like, oh, she came around a couple of times, and then I banged her or whatever. But the people or the picture ones were like, yeah, this chick I worked with at Video Easy fucking just pulled her dacks down

straight away and I shoved it in. It was all very bad. Wait, so did they have stories to go with the pictures? Some of them they did, yeah. That's so fucked. We need to bring that back. They had an amateur sexist. Folks, write in.

If you've got a wild sex story, something you did. Look, you used to think that this sort of stuff, that the stories that you used to hear on Dumb Dumb Club were made up until it happened to you. Send it in. Let's have an erotic story. Let's have a list of submitted erotic story section of the pod from now on. Man, that would be great. About us and the guests and whatever.

That was the horniest part of them. For me, they were better than the pictures. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd say the same thing for me was like the dolly sealed section because it would be like questions about sex. pictures. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd say the same thing for me was, like, the Dolly sealed section because it would be, like, questions about sex. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But then it'd be like, I'm afraid my pussy is, like, too – I'm afraid my vagina is too tight for my boyfriend's penis.

And then this, like, poor doctor, like, Dr. Carl Gregg would be like, hello, just so you know, if there's correct lubrication, like, just answer it really scientifically. But, like, you wouldn't read that, but you'd just read, like like the sexy first three sentences i remember i remember i read my sister's one once and uh there was one about a girl your sister submitted no no no she had a magazine and it was just this is so weird actually now i'm going to tell the story but it was it was a girl writing in saying her brother used to fuck her. Why are they printing this?

No, I totally believe that. She's like, my brother used to have sex with me, now he's bringing girls home. What? I'm jealous. Is that wrong? What? And you're like, the person wrote back, this is definitely not okay. Is this in the Christmas family newsletter that goes out every year?

What magazine is this out? Dolly. Dolly. This is someone writing in a Dolly doctor. Dolly Queensland edition. Yeah, yeah. Fuck me. That would be great if there was a state by state Dolly.

God, more wheels here. The editor's asleep at the wheel on that one. Yeah, let's just chuck this in. But no, the more fucked they are, the more kids want to read them, I reckon. Oh, yeah, maybe. My friends used to make up ones and submit them and then get you like a year's worth of free fake tan. An alien came down on a spaceship.

No, it was all really dumb stuff. It was like I was making out with my boyfriend and then I went to the bathroom and then I came back and started making out with him again and then I realised it wasn't my boyfriend. And then I got like a year's worth of free fake tan. Well, I'm glad that they... It was worth it in the end.

I'm glad you got that rather than you took all your sexual experience from that scene in the OC and just pulled that into a story. What do I get free out of this? Oh, why are the police at my door? Yeah. Fuck. Bleak. Oh, yeah, that was the rest of the story.

We busted into this staff room when we were kids in this underground house in Lightning Ridge. And those fucked people magazines, the picture magazines, also had people that had things wrong with their body in the start. So they'd have, like, a dude with big crab arms. Yeah, because it wasn't just a straight porno or anything like that. Say there was, like, 30%, 40% of softcore nudity. And the other ones were like Ripley's Believe It or Not.

Are you fucking kidding me? It was bizarre stuff. It was like stuff that you would think would appeal to the guys in high-vis that are drinking a chocolate milk. The kind of sick mind that likes pornography. Yeah, yeah. Enjoy craft. It's kind of weird.

I always have some humorous comment like, this chick's got two heads. I wonder if she's got two pussies or something like that. I only read it for the mutants, personally. But it was so weird because we walked in the staff room and the dude had cut out all the pages with the people with disabilities on them on one wall and then it just had por on them on one wall. Yeah.

And then it just had pornos on the other wall. Great. So we're all like, I didn't think. Hey, man, you've got to separate the wheat from the jack. Yeah. He's doing God's work. Fuck. That's so fucked. Yeah, it was so.

Well, the magazine's not having them on the same page. Why should he have them on the same wall? It was so weird. And you know when you think about when you're a kid you go this is weird and then you don't think about it till later on like i was on a motorbike trip with my mates a couple of years ago and we go it's weird but i don't quite know why yeah and then i was like remember that fucked room in lightning reach in that underground house and they're like yeah man that was weird and we all just decided wow that was weird right

oh man that was yeah that's so good you know those memories where you're like did i make that up or was that real yeah like and then someone else will bring it up and you're like oh thank god yeah like i'm not going crazy and as a stand-up comedian you want to do like funny things but you're like that's too funny yeah like if you told that on stage people would just be like oh that room doesn't exist yeah yeah yeah he's made up the weird underground sex room yeah sure yeah all right well we better wrap it up for another week but guys go and go and watch that scene seinfeld triple x a porn parody it's good i mean look the whole thing might be good but the scene I saw, it was, they get the

apartment looking really good. They get Jerry's apartment looking real good. Yep. And then they get, the scene I saw was... Who fucks in the bit you saw? Well, that's what I was about to say. Okay. I think that's the interesting thing.

You want to see what the dynamic is. Yep. Because there's only one chick as well, so it's obviously... Well, see, that's the thing. So the scene I saw was Jerry is seeing, like just someone that's not in the show. Like, you know, because he had a new girlfriend every week on the show. That's a bad missed opportunity by them.

They could have brought back an old-timer, a classic fan-favourite girlfriend of Jerry. Terry Hatcher. Yeah, why invent a new girlfriend when he had like hundreds that you could just yeah, they're real and they're spectacular. You've got so much to play with there. Yeah, and in real life he was dating a 17 year old. Yeah. Jerry's mum.

Yeah, I'd like to see that. Jerry rooting his mum. Mr. Seinfeld. Jerry rooting his brother and then getting jealous when the brother brings other girls home. Jerry's with some unknown non-canon doctor was like the reddit relationships of its time yeah yeah jerry jerry with a non-canon girlfriend a new girlfriend and she's they're watching tv on the couch and she's getting

really horny at everything that's happening on tv and then then classic Seinfeld finds fault in that and going, eh, not for me. You're getting too horny. She got too horny? She got too horny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they do a very good job of it. He does a full Seinfeld sort of monologue about it. He does a stand-up about it?

Yeah, yeah. You know when you were like, oh, I should be grumpy. You're too horny. You're too horny. Yeah, you can't be horny all the time. You can't be like, oh, that's good. Because then you don't get the horny hair.

Love it. A good Seinfeld porn parody would be it opens like a regular episode with him doing stand-up and then it just cuts to him fucking someone from the audience. The end. No working in the plot of the show, just like a bit of stand-up and then him rooting. This is nearly as good.

And the laugh track is still there. No working in the plot of the show, just like a bit of stand-up and then him rooting. This is nearly as good because it is. And the laugh track is still there. This is nearly as good because it jump cuts so quickly. It's like, so she storms off. Right. And immediately within five seconds, she's sucking off the soup Nazi. Iconic. Right.

Why do they call it cum? I've already came. They should call it came. I shouldn't call it come when I haven't come yet. I should call it I'm gonna come. Well, speaking of the absolute most lowbrow fucking thing you can think of, Nick Cappy, you've got a stand-up comedy special. Yep, I just released this called Pork Palace.

Fucking hell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Carl, you and I, we've got to get on the XXX porn parody of Pork Palace. What would we call it? Fuck Palace. Yeah, I watched it today. It's very funny.

Oh, thanks. So yeah, people, I'm sure a lot of people who listen to this are on it already. But if you missed that online, get on it. It's $7.99 and you've done that very clever thing of people not thinking for a second they're paying $8 for something. It's a real discount. My girlfriend suggested it and I just follow her advice on those things. I mean, she has a lot of computers. She has at least

two so that's nickcapper.com you asked the statistics ladies it's a $7.99 special it's very cheap

and for a lot of people out there that were concerned about comedians lost income given that there was no comedy festival in Melbourne

so that's a good way to start go and get Capper's new comedy special and it's a pro shot thing it looks great we were there for the filming of it big venue and you got So that's a good way to start. Go and get Kappa's new comedy special. And it's a pro shot thing.

It looks great. We were there for the filming of it. Big venue and you've got these big sweeping crane shots. It looks great. You've got a lot of hay as like a backdrop, which I'm sure someone who's not you was pretty filthy about having to clean up at the end of the gig. And I heard you organised it at least an hour before the special was filmed. About half an hour before I got those hay bales in.

It was good. And yeah, no, Brett Blake did the lighting. I also did it with him. I think he'll bring his out soon. For a guy who can't read, I tell you what, he can see visuals quite well. He's good with colours, which is awesome. Nina, not to rub in The state of the world

At the moment But have you got anything To plug Fucking Not at the moment My Twitter I guess Cool

Yeah you're great on Twitter Your Twitter's great It's so good Follow me on Twitter You're such a little Grot on Twitter Yeah you're grotty And a real laugh

But yeah Follow Nina At Nina Oyama Yes Anything to sell You got anything on your website Anything to hawk No man Not really I got lucky I got a bit of writing work That's going to tie me over Nice Nina Oyama yes anything to sell you got anything on your website anything to hawk no man

I got lucky I got a bit of writing work that's gonna tie me over nice until mid June and then I'm fucked so

nice sorry that's a humble brag is that a humble brag yeah it's like to be fucked in June is like cool everyone else is fucked

right now yeah I know so you know donate to other comedians donate to fucking Kappa. No, no, don't donate to me. Or whatever. Just, like, buy shit from other people because they need it more than me, man.

They do, yeah. Especially people with kids and stuff. Get their shit. Because we don't have kids. I don't have anyone to look after. Me neither. Yeah, but the thing is, they should give to you because otherwise someone else has to look after you, Kappa.

Yeah. So, yeah. A donation. Buying your special is a donation to your girlfriend. Exactly. Donate another computer. Does anyone want to buy one of my girlfriend's computers? All right, guys.

Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. And they've done it again. Yeah. It was all right. I think it was good. Okay.

Yeah. I'll lean on your recommendation. You were, by your own admission, about 10 minutes from the end of this one, I looked over and I saw the big old log above the head. Yeah. Saw just kind of zizzing and zazzing away. I did have one of those very slight moments where if I'd have been driving, I would have pulled over.

Right. Yeah. Right. Just one of those things where all of a sudden all of reality is slightly different. You go, oh, that's right. That was me falling asleep for a nanosecond. Yeah. I'm like, that's not good.

Big day. Yeah. As we mentioned on the app, we'd come straight from doing the project. Yeah. A lot of energy goes into, man, I was hyped about that all day. Same, yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, look, Bernie...

Oh, yeah, what's he done? I mean, in my opinion, I haven't listened back, but Bernie, it was just straight up and down, straight to the pack, you know, just a nothing, nothing... I shouldn't say nothing special. But also, let's say this. I think we're kind of releasing these slightly out of order at this point.

And by the time we're releasing this, it's several weeks after we've recorded it. Yes. This was the first episode that we did in the, first studio episode we did in the real current climate of us going, everything's going to go into lockdown pretty soon and we need to start stockpiling these and make sure we've got enough up our sleeves so it was like put together uh pretty quickly the state of things was really developing on the day so we there was so much uncertainty so i think when you factor in all those things good stuff yeah um and in case anyone's wondering or wants to sort of – is worried or wants to even maybe complain, when you're hearing this, this is weeks after, weeks and weeks after.

So, we were all in the same room, four of us in the same room, but this was quite a while back. Yeah, well, so the date that we did the project was March the 19th, so I guess it was then. Yeah, so things were a lot different back then yeah presumably presumably I mean we're still there now

so I presume it's a lot different we know that this is coming at a fair way away oh yeah well even this bit we're doing

yeah but anyway yes so yes if you are in isolation at the moment we're all in isolation

I guess but if you're looking for something to do extra you can get onto patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. You can chip in to support the show, to support

us at the moment. And also you can get, we've upped the amount of bonus content that we're doing. We're doing new mini episodes every Monday and Friday. You get a link to a little feed where you're going to get them. We've been doing a bunch of them so far. We stockpiled a few.

There is one with these two guests that we did just after this. That was a lot of fun. That's right. So, yeah, very much appreciated everyone who's gotten onto that, all the new people who've gotten onto that in the last couple of weeks. Thank you. Thank you very, very much. A lot of newbies looking for something to do in a presumed lockdown maybe um but anyway let's let's take a let's take us a break from all

that talk um let's be funny um but yes what some of the one of the bonus features of being a patreon subscriber is of course your name um is a big chance of being pulled out of the unplanned title alternator, the piece of software we employ here to make sure that names are completely random that we pull out of people that subscribe. Every week we do between one and a hundred. We just read them out and do a slight little riff and mostly complimentary about the subscriber and about their names. I can't think of a time where we've ever not been complimentary about one of these people.

You're right. So it's all, it's just a big free bonus compliment, you know. It's a big love in. And exactly. And at this time, what's, what's, that's sort of what we all need. A bit of positivity. What the world needs now. Yeah.

You know, is love sweet love. And that's, that's, that's what we are, personified. Imagine there's no content. Yeah, especially in this segment of the show. I mean, all round, of course, we're known as the Love Brothers, but in this segment, we're the Love Triplets and there's only two of us, so that's how much love there is. Yeah.

We gave birth to a love baby. Up the bum. Love baby. A big love bum baby. Yes. Jesus Christ. Yeah, it's good stuff. I'm starting to fall asleep again, I think.

So let's get the first cab off the rank this week. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Brad Wells. Wells, Wells, Wells. I like that. That'll do. Next. That's it. That's all there is. Wells. Wells, Wells, Wells. I like that. That'll do. Next. That's it. That's it.

That's all there is. Wells. Have we ever talked about the name Brad? Well, I don't think we've ever talked. Oh, no. You know what? There's a bunch of Wells, actually. We've done a lot of Wells.

You know what? I know I've done Wells, Wells, Wells before. Yeah, you would have. It's one of the best things. I love a bit of Wells, Wells. A bit of Well, Well, Well. As I've talked about on this show, I nearly called my show

that didn't happen anyway this year, Well, Well, Well. What was I going to call it? Well, Well, Well, if it isn't Carl Chandler, which entertained me, but I don't think it was entertaining

the ticket-buying public too much. I was lobbying for it, but then Guy Montgomery had a similar title. So that would have been... But boy, boy, wouldn't that have been embarrassing. For him. What do you think you'll do next year? Do you think you'll use that title that you were going to use?

Are you just going to call your show next year? Hey, good question. I'm not sure. I've been thinking that. I mean, obviously a lot of the material I'll hold over and the idea, but it's like does it look weird to just be like here's the same thing in the guide again or is it weirder to have had a title a poster and a photo of a show that just never happened and then just go straight back into the photographer new shots new everything yeah that would be weird i mean maybe there's a

there's a theory that people will see that again and go oh that's that's an old show. I don't want to see that show. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know if that's, look, yeah, it's a good question. I don't know because yeah,

to completely rebadge it seems a little bit weird. Uh, I mean, I, you know, I had a good fight, you know, I really liked my photo this year.

I never got to see it up on posters everywhere. It'd be a shame to just like chuck that in the bin. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. At the moment, it's like, I've paid a lot

of money to just have a new Twitter profile picture yeah yeah that's fair yeah fair enough yeah yeah look I guess we'll come to that at the time but

got plenty of time to think about what to do we might all be just absolutely covered in scabs by then and you know the pictures won't be really relevant

or anything like that so you said we were gonna try to keep it light well I'm talking about a different disease I'm talking about something else yeah yeah yeah that's the pictures won't be really relevant or anything like that. But you said we were going to try and keep it live. I'm talking about a different disease. I'm talking about something else. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's nice. I'm talking about herpes. Yeah, that is actually taking my mind off COVID-19. Remembering the existence of herpes is making me feel a lot better. Because once it all goes away and then we all step outside and we're just absolutely rooting our little brains out. God, imagine. I was thinking today about the idea of imagine if you were just like some single guy. If you're like early 20s, an absolute root rat.

One of those people who has to be on a date every weekend. Like really taking a lot of self-worth in all that kind of stuff. I wish we knew someone like that. Me too. I'm just this hypothetical person. But just the idea of that. Thinking about the people who the idea of no rooting for six months makes their blood run cold.

Oh, my God. Yeah. No swiping. No swiping right or whatever it is and getting action out of it. Yeah. Man. I'm almost tempted to download Tinder to just see what's going on on there at the moment.

Are there still a few cowboys giving it a nudge? I was. I mean, people, you know, you saw all those people at Bondi Beach several weeks ago now when people listen to this. But at this point of time of recording, I dare say there'd be people. You'd have to be addressing it in your bio. Yeah, let us know. I mean, people listening, let us know the single life out there.

I mean, what happens you coming by now you probably aren't allowed to leave the house or whatever it is yeah you you're probably allowed to go and walk your dog and that's about it so what are you doing you're just getting your girlfriend to fucking dress up as a dog and meeting you at the park and then just getting there and going oh fido you got off your leash come over here in the bushes i think what you'll find there'll be a lot of, let's say you were, I think, here's what I was thinking the other day. If you're in a position like, so in Italy, you're only allowed to leave the house to go to the supermarket.

Yep. So let's say you haven't seen your friends. Are people calling up their friends and going, hey, let's coordinate our supermarket trips together. So we can just, we'll just have five minutes, 10 minutes in there together at the show and we'll at least get to just talk face to face yeah i wonder if people are doing that so maybe that's what your dating is you're like hey you look we've been talking on tinder or bumble or whatever it is for a couple of for a couple of days now hey oh you live not too far from me i'm going down to the supermarket yeah let's have a

date there just yeah yeah a tin of tomatoes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some isolation. It probably would be that. Isolation hacks. I think you'll also just find heaps of people on there. If you were single and you lived alone, you were a bit starved for some affection in your life and some company, you'll probably just find people on those apps just looking to have someone to talk to,

to just make connections and then, hey, let's Skype and chat. You'll probably find all these like weird, just completely internet long distance style relationships. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which then when the ban is lifted, then the pressure is on. Like I've been talking to you online for eight months now and we've never hung out in the same room, but you would know each other so intimately.

It's a wartime relationship. It really is. Yeah. Yeah. It's, yeah. It's it's it's yeah it's like you're going out with an astronaut or something a little bit like that yeah yeah no i'd like to i'd like to i mean look even this and this is record weeks and weeks before yep uh it came out yeah but even right now i mean we're we're really getting into all that sort of stuff

very very soon i would imagine um to not to not to exactly date when we're doing this, but yeah, look, the other night I went for a run and then I went past Kappa's house, which was on my run, and I hit him up and went, do you want to just sit outside and have a beer and sit far apart and whatever? And so there was a bottle shop on the on nearby so i just grabbed a few beers for myself he already had a few beers yeah and we sat out the front like five meters apart and just like sat on the ground and had a beer yeah in the cold and just talked for like half an hour 45 minutes or something like that and i was like that's already just just weird very And look, I didn't want to go into his house anyway,

but one of his housemates was like, oh, yeah, he's real funny about this. So, yeah, you can't come in or anything. I'm like, that's cool. I don't want to come in. Yeah. Yeah, he's real funny about this. And then I hear later, I go, so where is he? And it's like, oh, he's not here.

I'm like, oh, where is he? He's like, oh, he's going to hook up with some girl really the bloke that was all funny about me walking down the fucking hallway but doesn't mind sticking his yeah i've heard about friends in other parts of the world doing like um hangouts with their friends over skype having like a friday night drinks where they're each in their own you know know, separate apartments on Skype, drinking a beer into the webcam with a bit of music on. Yeah. It's like,

ah, it seems fucking weird, but I'm sure we'll very quickly just be forced to get used to it. Where, and you know, this will be bad if, you know, the world's changed by the time this comes out and you'll all be going,

oh, we were doing this weeks ago. Sorry, but we are recording this a fair bit in the past so there's a little time capsule for you maybe but i've got mates that are already doing that that are like um yeah that sat home on the weekend and we're doing skype like like three different couples yeah just sat there for a couple of hours and had beers and which i i was like okay look by the time this comes out maybe we figured it out but from what i figured from what my mate was saying there was three couples they're all like they've got three screens each or whatever but they're all couples so i don't know if you've ever been

to like a dinner party or some sort of party where you're just talking as one couple it doesn't fucking happen too much like at some stage like you do all your pleasantries and then it's like then it turns into right the two boys are talking about sport talking about whatever it is it's not all six people talking at the same time yeah yeah yeah you're not all wanting to talk about the same subject at once it's not like a panel show yeah you're right i mean you might have you have periods in the night where you're on a big topic that everyone is interested in. Start of the night. Start of the night. But, well, maybe that's what people are going to start to do.

It's like, you know, there's six of us. You know, I just – look, typically it's something like this. You know, we'd get there and I'd just find Carl in the kitchen and him and I would chat footy for a bit. Yeah. So I just Skype you for 20 minutes. Well, that's what I thought. You know, mean while the girls are you know two girls are off doing that a girl and a guy off doing this and then we we have a

period in the middle where we link up i'm all sick of this together yeah and then at the end of it you know we split off into maybe a group of three in a group of three well that's what i thought i thought maybe you start off with all six of you and then you you start to get a bit annoyed that you're only talking about one thing and then you you know, one girl says to another girl, oh, look, do you want to just take this separately? Okay, all right. Yeah, sure, sure. And then they just step away onto a different chair

and they just Skype each other normally. And then they sort of run out of conversation and go, all right, do you want to go back to the main one again? Okay, I'll meet you back in there. Well, you make it interesting. You have your six and every 20 minutes, everyone has to vote of who they want to pair off with. Turn it into like a reality show.

Is it like a swingers party? Yeah. No one gets to fight. Or you're kicking someone off the chat. Something like that. You know, maybe, you know, let's see what we're really all made of. Right. Yeah, well, something to look forward to.

Yeah. And something that people are currently doing, I guess. Sick of, yeah. Well, thanks, Brad. Thanks, Braddles. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Sylvia Rebecki. Oof. Love this name.

Yeah. Sylvia's great. Yep. Rebecki. As made famous. As made famous by fictional soap character Toadfish Rebecki. Yes. What's Toadfish's first name in the show?

I don't know. Anyway. I'm not sure. But Sylvia is a Samui attendee. Ah, yes, yes. Co-Samui attendee. She's been there, I think, I don't know, a couple of times, I think. Maybe. I'm pretty sure. I think so of times, I think. Maybe.

I'm pretty sure. I think so. Yeah. I'm not sure. But anyway, look, it's hard to remember, I think, now. I was just going through that today, thinking of the three Koh Samuis, trying to remember the differences between the three of them. They start to merge together.

I can't believe we went three times in quick succession. It feels like that wasn't three years apart. It's, you know, they start to merge together. I can't believe we went three times in quick succession. It feels like that wasn't three years apart. It's gone pretty quick. Three years worth. Yeah. Because I mean, if we had gone this year.

But think about the first one. The first one feels like a very long time ago. Yeah. To me, at least. Well, it's nearly four years. That's why. It feels like a long time.

If we were going at the same time again, you know that that's like two and a half months away now. I had to break it to you. We wouldn't be going. I'm saying if we had gone again. In a different world.

Yes. Yeah, no. I mean, we weren't going before all this stuff happened anyway. Yeah. So, I'm just saying, that's how close it would have been to like having been doing four of them. Yeah. Like crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It would have been to, like, have been doing four of them. Yeah. Like, crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, look, that sort of thing doesn't, like, I was talking to, like, Kappa the other night about this, about when I was sitting on the street, on the fucking bitumen, in the cold, drinking a... What beer were you having? Yeah, I was trying to remember. The beer is, what's the beer

that you put in there with like a slice of lemon it's not lemon not no orange orange

I thought you were doing a beer no no no no no no the one that I was like this is actually pretty good I'm the one no no

orange oh the one you the one you really like yeah Blue Moon Blue Moon yeah yeah yeah I like one you really like? Yeah. Blue Moon. Blue Moon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like Blue Moon.

Yeah. I was having a Blue Moon sitting on the fucking road, sitting on the white line. Yeah, doing that. But you know what? On my way to getting that, actually, as I was jogging, all the streets were abandoned and whatever like that. No one in the street, nothing open, all that sort of stuff.

But as we're talking about that stuff, people wanting to meet up and whatever, so there's nothing open, all that sort of stuff. But as we're talking about that stuff, people wanting to meet up and whatever, so there's nothing open, there's no pubs open. What I saw was, and like I thought this was fucking not very good, but just weird as well. There's no one around. People obviously wanted to get out of the house and meet up, and at this stage that sort of thing isn't banned or anything like that.

So you know what I saw? Four people that had met up down victoria street which is already not a great street yeah no pretty sus no one in the street except for them and they'd met up and they brought their own beers and they were all talking around a bin and they're resting their beers on a bin and i'm like boy right if anyone's worried about disease well you're fucking really up the stakes here like yeah it's like apart from no social distancing you you've rested what about what about bin distancing yeah you've all got what you're gonna put in your mouth on a fucking bin in victoria street i couldn't think of a fucking more disease ridden place than a bin in victoria street i mean maybe they've given up. They're like, you know what? We're going to get it anyway, inevitably at some point.

And look, we're all bin enthusiasts. Why not just, hey, why not enjoy it? Fucking crazy. Why not indulge ourselves? Crazy, crazy stuff. But what was I saying? That's what we were talking about. I was talking about something with Kappa.

How did we get off? Something to do with Koh Samui and Thailand. Oh, yeah, but how quickly everything's gone. he was like saying oh yeah isn't it quick like you know how crazy is it we were just in london you know like less you know eight months or nine months or whatever it was ago yeah like man i was in fucking liverpool a month ago yeah yeah yeah just like treating air travel like it's fucking a piece of chewing gum yeah no worries i'll just whip over there and come back. Right. Whatever.

Now it's like, now you'll not let it go to your fucking house. Yeah. Yeah. Crazy. Yeah. It feels fucking insane. Thinking back to the things that, yeah, that did not that long ago. Like I was at a hot chip concert like at the start of – in the middle of March.

Like that feels like it's just insane. Yeah. Like a million years ago. But sorry, try not to talk about all that stuff. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Koh Samui. Sylvia did come along. What a fucking – man, you know what?

This is – it sounds bad. Like it sounds like – I know what you're going to say, like I'd go anyway, but I am busting. I'm like, fuck, I want to celebrate all this being over by, like, going to Thailand or, you know, doing something that's like, all right, this is a mark of this being over. Like, fuck this. But, you know, I don't know. I don't know how all that's going to work.

Yeah. But I have had the same thought of like, fuck, I cannot wait to be, I cannot wait to go on a fucking trip at the end of all this yeah but who knows how it's all gonna work yeah who knows if any of us is gonna have money yeah that's like that's it fucking hell that's what i was saying to kappa like you know i think there'll be a big you know everyone will be like oh fuck we gotta get out of here let's celebrate our freedom or whatever it's like yeah but not you know i don't know what how everyone's gonna be placed financially yeah by then.

But anyway, especially coming from Kappa, where one day in he's like, oh, I'm broke now. It's like, well, even when we were no days in, you're broke, Kappa. Yes, yes. Don't blame this on this. Yes. Thanks, Sylvia. Thanks, Sylvia.

Give our love to Toadie and stuff. Stonefish, Stonefish. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Billy Tranter Billy Tranter Yeah don't mind it And especially Billy Like I've talked about on this show And maybe this young lady has heard me

Talk about this on the show weeks ago But that was I pitched that To put it in a horrible term, I pitched that to my wife as the name of our daughter. Yes. We didn't know what we were going to have

until she came out. And you're certain this is a lady? This Billy Piper is a lady? That's the way it's spelled. I'm going to double check through my sophisticated FBI setup, and that is looking up on Facebook. Yes. Billy is a girl.

B-I-L-L-I-E. So I would have assumed that, but yes. Billy's a gal. But love the name. Don't mind it as a girl's name. Love the name. Yep. My wife fucking hates it.

Really? Absolutely hated it. Was recoiled in shock at my suggestion. Have we... Apologies if we've talked about this already, but have we ever talked about any of the names that she pitched to you that you were absolutely not into? Have we ever talked about any of the names that she pitched to you that you were absolutely not into have we ever talked about any of them no but i don't i can't maybe i'll have to do some research on that because i don't recall any of them to be honest my daughter's name now

that was it was like no that's it and i'm like okay right so i was i did a little bit of like well the downsides of it is this and this and she's like yep i don't care cool and i respect it that's it i guess yep i'm like i'm not gonna be the person to go yeah but look i'm a guy and i know what a girl's name should be it's like no this is this is this has got you all over it this one and that's you know and she was like absolutely in love with the name blanket and you know it and she was like absolutely in love with the name Blanket and you know. It's a good name. Yeah, it's a great name,

traditional name. You didn't want it. Family name. Yeah. I just pointed out some of the, you know, downsides.

Like what? Well, it was Michael Jackson's kid's name. But he's the king of pop. That's a pro. Well, it's not really

a name of a person. It's like just a bit of fabric. You know. It's fine. Hey name of a person. It's like just a bit of fabric. Fine. Hey, fabric's popular. We wear it every day. If I went out and said, you know, if I was describing when I was in bed and I said, oh, I had a big blanket on me all night, people could think that's a bit, again,

harking back to Michael Jackson. That's cute. You're cuddling your daughter all night. People enjoy hearing that. Okay. All right know that's yeah you're that's exactly what my wife said yeah you know to win me over so two great minds thinking alike exactly thank you so yeah you're right we've never had a blanket subscribe but um but that's the closest we've ever got by getting my runner-up name it Billy. Well, actually, it's not particularly close because, like I said, it wasn't received well by my wife in any way.

But you know what I'd like to do when my daughter grows up? I'll say, what do you think of your name? No, it's fine, whatever. What do you think of Billy? Because that was mine. Yeah. You know, and maybe that means I love you more, like if you like that name better, you know,

because that's what I wanted. What do you think? What if she is just so mortified by the idea that you would even consider that? Yeah. She's like, I'm running away from home. Yeah. Running. Fuck you, Dad.

Don't ever speak to me again. That's extreme. That's extreme. That's very extreme, but something that didn't actually end up happening. That's an extreme response. Having said that, it does sound like me, so that would be. I love you, daughter. I knew an extreme response. Having said that, it does sound like me, so that would be... I love you, daughter. I knew you were mine.

By her running away, that could bring us closer together. Exactly. Well, thanks, Billy. Thanks, Billy. I like the name. Me too. Full respect. Me too.

It's a cool name. Fucking cool. But my wife was like, no, it sounds like a guy. But you know what? I think it's really cool as a girl name. Don't think it's cool at all as a guy name. I don't mind it as a guy name. But you have to admit it's a completely different vibe.

Yeah. Billy. You know, in my head, Billy's kind of like a nerdy guy. Oh, really? Yeah, but a cool girl. You know what? In my head, Billy's like a like a nerdy guy. Oh, really? Yeah, but a cool girl. You know what? In my head, Billy's like a really old school sort of pov guy.

Yeah, that's cool, I guess. But I think it's edging back in as a cool thing. That would be my thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting. It's like old, old school, but like, you know those old names that then come back and they're cool again? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like it's like that. Right.

Like, if I was... If I created, like, a character that was cool and I called it Billy, I think you could get away with it. Okay. Cool Billy. Cool Billy. Yeah. Well, that's cheating a little bit.

Cool Norman. Yeah. They say Cool Billy beats Cool Norman. Yeah, no doubt. Cool Norman. Yeah. No, Cool Billy beats Cool Norman. Yeah. Cool Norman. Yeah. No, but I'm trying to pick a nerdy name and put Cool Norman in front of it. Yeah.

I don't think Billy's nerdy at all. I don't know. I don't know why I have that in my head. Yeah. I don't know either. It's a real, like I've said before, it's a real Rorschach test or whatever, this thing, to see what comes out. It comes out of both of us through your name.

Thanks, Billy. A real raw dog test. Yeah. I fuck you in the ass without a condom. Now, what does this make you think of? Yeah. Oh, the good old days. Now, you've got to fuck someone in the ass with no condom from like four meters away.

Yeah, I know. Not a problem for me. Thank you to Patreon subscribers Whoa We've got something here Uh oh We've got We're a live wire haven't we

We've got the We threw the fucking Line in And we have We're gonna need a bigger boat Oh really Yeah Interesting

Just to quote Close Encounters of the Third Kind Thank you to Patreon subscriber Nikolai Nikolai Nikolai Bailhars Nikolai

Bailhars I think that's what I'm getting out of it B-E-I-L-H-A-R-Z Bailhars I guess I'm sure that's not it Bailhars But B-E-I-L

But it seems like it'll just be one of those things Where the pronunciation is something it's like I never would have thought to say it that way Yeah, but I reckon I'm pretty good at this Bailhors or something like that Yeah Yeah, if I ever have doubts I'm always like, you should do it quicker

Because that'll be more natural Yeah, exactly Bailhors Bailhors Yeah, maybe it's that Yeah Bailhors Bailhors

Nikolai, I quite like. Nikolai. Yes, me too. I have to say. Good one. The only thing is, with Nikolai, you don't... If you shorten it to Nik, it's N-I-K, which I don't really like. I like N-I-C-K.

I agree. Yeah. Yeah. Nikolai's like... But then, but why would you shorten it? It's such a cool name. Yeah, you're right. It's like, if you shorten it, it's like, well, I got the solution there.

You just don't. Yeah. Because it's great. Yeah. What if this guy's like just full on Australian now? It's a bit of a burden having such an international name like that. If you meet a Nikolai Balhaz and then he goes, yeah, what's fucking going on? And you go, oh, man.

Yeah. That's not what I, you know. I read your name at mail call, name call. Yep. Yeah, I wasn't expecting that. No. I was expecting a bit of. That reminds me.

Take these with you. Oh, these are books. Yeah, I got these books for you. Books. One of them's the oral history of the Strokes and just talking about Nicolai reminded me of the. Oh, right, right, right. Nicolai that's in the Strokes is the link there. We're book swapping at the moment.

Well, this is interesting. I've brought books as well. Oh, yeah. So I didn't know what you wanted. I'm giving you Elton John's autobiography and Meet Me in the Bathroom, which is like the oral history of the Strokes and Interpol and all the New York indie rock bands. For a minute I thought you were saying that Meet Me in the Bathroom is the name of Elton John's autobiography. Elton John's autobiography.

Elton John's autobiography. It's great. Look, everyone's got downtime at the moment. Can't recommend both of these books more, quite honestly. Both fantastic reads about music. Elton John's autobiography, fantastic. But it's just called Me. Come on, cunt.

Have a better crack than that. I know you've already used Rocket Man for the movie, but fucking hell. Hello, Yellow Brick Road. Just the brick road. I don't know. Yes. Something. Farewell.

Yeah. That's great. So those two books, what I'm giving you a choice of or if you want them all up to you I'm giving you a chance of getting David Spade's

autobiography called Almost Interesting I like David Spade which is my my review of this not that good

it's not that good it's it's what you know what does he have a big thing in there about being stalked is that in there about being stalked? Is that in there?

I remember he talked about that on WTF in his interview that I think he was on there to promote the book and he kind of was like, I tell this in my book. I have this memory of him saying, I tell this in my book and then just hearing him tell the story on a pod in a more conversational way with someone else kind of chiming in and stuff. I was like, this is surely the more interesting version of this story. Yeah.

Than just reading it. Well, I can't even remember that. So I would say yes. Right. This is all, this is full of chat. Look, it's very readable. It's all pretty quick and it's very conversational. It's him being funny and stuff.

But every story's like I feel like I'm reading a magazine. Yeah, okay. Alright. It's not a lot of depth to it which, you know,

may be a good, you know, a very timely sort of review, suitable review of him himself. Yep, true. It's, you get in,

you're like, oh, this will be a good story and then it's like, that wasn't a very good story. Because he's done a lot of interesting stuff. You would have thought so. Yeah.

You would have thought he'd have an interesting life. But, you know, you know what? There's probably a lot that he could have put in there that he just chose not to. That is frustrating when you're reading a memoir and people are like, oh, people won't be interested in hearing about this big thing that I've done. He's a legendary Hollywood pants man, from what I believe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's not...

The bits in there about that is a bit like, oh, yeah, but not really. And then, oh, no. That's frustrating. Yeah, so... So, okay. What else have I got to choice out of? It's an easy read, but it's not fulfilling. Nothing wrong with an easy read at the moment, you know.

It's a bit snacky, is what I'd say. But you whipped real quick. Next cab off the ring. Life. You can see what this is. Now, this is a long-standing KC book obsession. Yes. I've read this twice.

So, Life by Keith Richards. I'm not sure if it's for you. I'm not sure. Look, I read it when I wasn't into The Rolling Stones at all and I really liked it. I know you're not an aficionado. No. Also, like it's a big book.

It's a big book. So it's a big commitment, 600 pages. And a lot of it's, look, I love his writing of it, which is just very conversational. Clearly, he's dictated it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone's just, yeah.'s, look, I love his writing of it, which is just very conversational. Clearly he's dictated it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone's just, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it's a lot of talking about a band that, if you haven't heard the band, it's a bit weird, I guess. I've done that with a few autobiographies. I mean, I obviously knew the big, big hits of Elton John, but didn't know the album cuts. I don't think I'd ever heard Daniel until after I read the book. Yeah, weird. So I kind of like reading and just like hearing the story,

not knowing anything about it, and then as I'm listening, and it's so easy now with streaming, having a big reading session and then the next day being like, oh, yeah, I'll chuck on that album that I just read about them making. That's funny. I guess how times change and whatever, but I took my wife to the concert after talking to you, really. The Elton John concert? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We went and saw him live when he was here. And look, I was a big fan as a kid of Elton John, like when I was 10 or whatever. One of my first discoveries of music was Elton John. So I knew all the hits. Knew all the hits. Yep. So I took her along and thinking, oh, well, you just know all these hits. They're like wallpaper of everyone's lives.

I'm like, Daniel, never heard of it. It's like, are you kidding? This one? No, never heard that. Yeah. Never heard that. You said that to me that it was annoying you that your wife... Yeah.

There was a big chunk that she didn't know. Yeah. And I reckon it would have been the exact same chunk for me. Right. This big spot in the middle where I was was like i don't really know any of these songs right i didn't mind because the show was so good did we talk about this on the air we talked about this recently together yeah we had the exact same thought and this was something that i didn't i thought this and i thought i reckon i'm being insane and this is just way too nitpicky no not at all so the artwork for the tour did we say this on the show?

I can't tell. The artwork for the show, it's called the Farewell Yellow Brick Road Tour, riffing on his classic album, Goodbye Yellow Brick Road. Yes. And there's the poster artwork, there's a big backdrop when you go into the venue, there's a tour guide and everything you can get that's got this artwork that's kind of like based on the Goodbye Yellow Brick Road cover. Yes.

A bit updated, a bit modernised, and it's got kind of the same font of like Goodbye Yellow Brick Road except it has farewell plastered in place of goodbye. Yes. And then on the ground the word goodbye is lying there discarded. Yuck. Get out of here, goodbye. Not here, not on this poster.

Yeah. They mean the same thing. Yeah. Amazing. It Get out of here. Goodbye. Not here. Not on this poster. They mean the same thing. Amazing. It was driving me nuts. Amazing. I thought the same thing. I thought the exact same thing. It's like, no, but you do that when the album's called Hello, Yellow Brick Road. You're going, no, well, I know you've got that in your head, but because this is the last tour, I've twisted it.

And let's do the opposite. It's like, no, it's the same thing. They literally are the same thing. And some nerd is going to comment, well, actually, you'd use farewell. No, no, cunt. They mean the same thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They mean the same thing.

Yeah. Because it was actually a nice bonding moment for you and I were walking down the street and I was like, I don't know if this registered to you this fucking drove me insane yeah so the tour was called this and literally that was all i said and you went i know exactly what you're gonna say yeah and then we were basically just reciting it at the exact same time as each other and i felt a little bit less alone i turned to my dad i took my parents to the show i turned to my dad and i was like isn't this annoying he's like no what are you talking about yeah it's this because the tour is called farewell and

it's a riff on the album goodbye i'm like no i know what it is yeah yeah yeah they're the same it's not a riff though is it well no you've never heard that like riffing on the theme of no no i know that's what i'm saying that it's not a riff when you just it's the same thing it's the same thing again yeah yeah it's like oh you know the song daniel and you go oh that's the same thing. It's the same thing again. Yeah, yeah. It's like, oh, you know, the song Daniel. And you go, oh, that song's called Danny. And you go, that's not a riff on it. That's just shortening it. Just slightly different.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'd be like a really bad Weed Al Yankovic parody. Right. Yeah, it's just the same thing. It's not... You've just rephrased something slightly yeah you've brought nothing else new to it you've just rephrased it but hey fantastic show and if you live in a part of the world that that tour has not made its way through yet uh i think good luck

i think the uh little dum-dum club stance is uh when it's back on go check it out pro oh when it's back on. Go check it out. Pro. Oh man, it's killing me. Fuck, Faith No More were coming out in May. Oh yeah, yeah. They are not coming out. Fuck. Jesus Christ. That's killing me.

Absolutely killing me. I had tickets to a band in April that have not put a thing up. Like it's obviously not happening. But they just haven't

put a thing up saying that it's not happening. Yeah. Which I find funny. It's like, fingers crossed. Yeah. I might be it's not happening. Yeah. Which I find funny. It's like, fingers crossed. Yeah. Might be able to go ahead.

Yeah. God. Yeah, in April. Fuck. Anyway, yeah, look, I don't want to talk too much about all that stuff. But Nikolai, Nikolai. You know what? Fuck it.

I'm looking him up. I'm looking him up on the book. I want to see what Nikolai looks like. Yeah. Yeah. What was the surname? Oh, yeah, the want to see what Nikolai looks like. Yeah. Yeah. What was the surname? Oh, yeah, the hard-to-pronounce surname. Bell.

Bell. You know, sometimes when I look these people up, they, like, come up very quickly because they're friends of friends of friends or whatever. But this guy... He's hidden. He's obscure. He's not coming up? He's not coming up?

He's not coming up. Wow. Well, not coming up. He's not coming up. He's not coming up. Wow. Well, not straight away. Might be a criminal. What? Might be hiding. Is that what criminals do? Well.

Just don't go on Facebook? Yeah. That'd be the sensible thing to do. Yeah, I guess so. I. Can't find him. He's a criminal. Yeah.

He's on the run. He's not there. Well, I think he knows If he's on there He'd just get people Messaging him all the time Being like How do you pronounce this

Oh wait a minute What I've Oh I think I've found A deleted profile of his Oh Or maybe he's got

A hidden or something The plot thickens He's changed his name Or something Ah okay I think that's it I think that's it a deleted profile of his. Oh. Or maybe he's gone hidden or something. He's changed his name or something. Oh, okay. I think that's it. I think that's it. Right. If there's a legitimate reason for this,

he's listening to this just sweating bullets. Yeah. This is the ultimate test. Yeah. Can these two cunts track you down? Yeah. In the space of like three minutes. Yeah.

All of a sudden, his enemies have been trying to kill him for five years. Yeah. He's gone into witness relocation. Yeah. And we've just absolutely exposed him. so they just hack into patreon find his address yep track a lot of mafia dons do listen to this yeah so they'll be right on him if we start like not getting money out of him or it's just there's some sort of asterisk on patreon from

now on it's like this is this inheritance. Brackets dead. Yeah. As foretold in his will, here is the $5 a week or whatever the fuck it is. We've talked about this a lot. This is what we want to happen. This is the ideal situation for us. Yeah. Well, thanks, Nikolai. And yeah, good luck staying hidden, staying underground. Yeah.

That's, yeah, man, like we've said, that'd be, that'd be great to get some of that will money in the, in the Patreon. But anyway, look, this week, look again, because we're social distancing, we're time distancing as well.

We don't want to spend too much time in each other's company at the moment. So we'll cut it short this week and only do five. Yep. Very, very smart. Yes. To all of you, if you want it,

if you're one of these idiots listening, it was down at Bondi beach. Let this be, take heed from this. Yes, I think so. To all of you, if you're one of these idiots listening who's down at Bondi Beach, let this be, take heed from this. Yes. This is how you should be behaving in the current climate. Exactly. But I'll just do one more, like I said. Yeah, thanks, Nikolai.

Thanks, Nikolai. What do you mean? Just do one more. I hope this is coming from you and not coming from the will or whatever. But anyway, like, one day. Thank you. One more. Thank you. One more. Thank you to Patreon subscriber.

Oh, what? Okay. That's just sort of a weird name. Maybe a weird situation. I'm not sure. Okay. It's just, I was just saying like, you know, about Nikolai, we were like surmising his situation.

Yeah. Just hoping we were plucking the money from his wallet rather than involuntarily after the event and everything. After, you know, everything. I think we might be. Anyway, look, you make him on it. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Dead Comedy. Or is that just a review of this segment?

Never a true word. In so many ways. What are we going to get subscribed to by next? One star? Oh, yes. That's a good one for down the line. Don't forget that. Well, I mean, if someone wants to do that, they can hold that, of course.

Well, thanks, Dad. Yep. Thanks, DC. Appreciate the money coming out thanks, Dad. Yep. Thanks, DC. Appreciate the money coming out of the will. Yep. Thanks, everyone, for listening. Don't forget patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. Yes, what?

Yes, all that stuff. But also the third book that I brought you. Oh, yeah. Letterman biography. Oh, is it good? Letterman, The Last Giant of Late Night. Is it good? It's pretty good.

It depends if... I'm a long-time fan, so anything would be good to me. But yeah, it was pretty good. Yeah. It's not too in-depth with some of his shitty behaviour, but it's interesting. Okay. He doesn't come across as a great bloke, to be completely honest.

Not written by him? No. Okay. No, no, no. It's a biography of him. Yeah, maybe I'm less interested then. Yeah, it doesn't come across... Something about...

Yeah. It doesn't come across as a great bloke. Stuff's always more interesting. But I guess, yeah. What's more interesting? I think a story... I think an autobiography to me, way more interesting than biography. Right.

I'd much rather read it first-hand account, first person. Okay. In their own words. Yeah. I mean, he's never going to do that. Of course. And I bought that, you know where I bought that? That is, I bought that in LAX when we were getting on the plane to come home

from the last time we went to LA oh really yeah okay alright maybe I'll borrow that and the Keith Richards okay

I don't know that I'm too fussed about David Spade oh really okay you know what's weird is that friend of the show Cameron James really loved that book

oh really yeah alright well maybe I'll borrow all three if I can have all three. Yeah. Okay. I thought it was just like I had to pick one or two.

No, no, no, no. Oh, okay. No, no. I was just giving the option. I thought this was a game where I... No, no, no. Well, we can make it a game. Which one do you want?

Because you can have the other two. No, I want all of them. All right. Thanks, everyone. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for all the links. Get onto the Patreon and get a little mini episode every Monday and Friday. I hope you're all dealing well with whatever's in front of you at the moment. We're sort of guessing we're back in time a little bit.

So I hope you're all dealing. I hope you're all good. We've got quite a few messages from people that have been genuinely like, thank you for helping us get through it with not advice or anything, anything direct like that, but just through what we normally do. It takes their mind off whatever. That has been very nice to see, and so, yeah, if you're thinking about sending something like

that and thinking, oh, they wouldn't want to fucking hear that, absolutely not the case at all. Very nice to hear. Yeah. Yeah. Alright, thanks, guys. We'll see you next week. See you, mate.