The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 497 - Ronny Chieng & Greg Larsen

Episode Date: April 15, 2020

It's our first ever remote episode with RONNY CHIENG and GREG LARSEN! We check in with our two prime candidates for going absolutely mental in isolation to see how they're holding up. Greg defends his Twitter feed and his decision to drive inland from Brisbane to Melbourne, Ronny grills us about our mental health, Karl's been eating in the gutter and Tommy's dad's been doing more (G-rated) writing! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Greg Larson and Ronnie Chang. We have a lot of fun with this one recorded over Skype. You can support the show on Patreon. You can get so much bonus content at the moment if you want, can't you, Carl? That's correct. Also, you can listen to all the information about that at the end of the show. And we've got some news on our 500th episode that was going to be live on April 25. We've got some news at the back end of the show

in our little segment we call Talking Dum Dum. Enjoy this episode. We'll talk to you at the end, this great new one, with Greg Larson and Ronnie Chang. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and with me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day dickheads.

Look at you sitting there in your little Skype window on my computer screen. Yeah. I love it. Look, I'm looking at myself in my own Skype window. We are recording this remotely and one minute in, I'm already like, fuck, why don't we do this from now on? I know I never have to go anywhere again. It's not bad.

Let's welcome our guests. Joining us via satellite link, we have Greg Larson and Ronnie Chang. Hey, guys. You guys are so stupid and so ugly. I gave you a software solution to record this thing. You didn't want to use it. Instead, we have to goddamn self-recording on the audio file. If this thing doesn't work, it's entirely your fault.

Hey, just give us a bit of leeway here. It's not that we didn't want to use it. It's that we didn't know how to use it, okay? Yeah, even worse. You guys are too stupid to figure out the most basic. Okay, let's just get something out of the way right now what are the rules here is there anything is there anything we can't insult each other about i want to know now okay i don't want to get into this 30 minutes in and people start crying about it or at the end of the podcast

i find out if someone's upset i have to send an apology note directly to them just right now there's only one rule right Just right now. There's only one rule. Right now, just tell me. There's only one rule. What? Let Greg say one word before the end of the podcast. That's all I'm asking. No, it's okay.

I'm fine. I'm just chilling. I'm having a good time. What's everyone sensitive about this week? What's everyone angry about this week? What can I not say? What do you want me to not say? And I won't insult you about it.

Let's have the rules up front so that we know. If you could lay off the coronavirus, that'd be great. this week. What can I not say? What do you want me to not say? And I won't insult you. Let's have the rules up front so that we know. If you could lay off the coronavirus, that'd be great. If you could not insult our dear friend coronavirus comedy, we'd really appreciate that. Don't tease me because I've got coronavirus. If you can lay off that, that'd be good. That's it?

Greg? Just don't make fun of my fat body. Well, then what the hell? That's the whole thing. I think we'll be okay. Yeah, well, I'm sick of it man i'm just it's i'm i'm at the end of my tether i'm trying to lose weight here in isolation are you really trying i'm going to come out of this bar are you really trying yeah a little bit a little bit what does a little bit mean what are you doing well like eating less really you're locked in my house and you're eating less is that what's happening well it's actually it's actually not as hard it's actually not as hard as I thought it would be

because I'm not getting McDonald's and I'm not getting Pizza Hut and I'm not getting Chucky Milks and stuff. Oh, right. You know, it's the Chucky Milks that get you. A Chucky Milk, you have seven or eight of them a day and that's your calories. And it took for the coronavirus for you to realise that, that you shouldn't have ate chocolate milk today.

Yeah, I know. I've always thought, but here we are. Welcome to COVID-19. So most people, when this is over, they're looking forward to getting back to the pub. You're just fanging to rip into eight choccy milks in a day. That's going to be the first thing you do out of isolation. Yeah, and touch the outside of the bottle

and lick the outside of the bottle of the Choccy milk, give it a good sniff, you know, just really experience everything the Choccy milk has to offer. Is it harder? Is this what's happening because it's harder for you to eat dog shit because you're living with your girlfriend and she won't let you eat any of it? Is that what's happening?

No, I mean, yeah, yes and no. But it's just I'm too scared to get anything. Like I'm not getting any Uber Eats. I'm not getting any, you know, I don't want to interact with anyone. Well, see, this is part of the reason why I personally wanted both of you on here because given the state of the world at the moment, I thought if everyone's locked in a room by themselves and getting cabin fever, these are the two craziest fucking idiots that I know,

Greg Larson and Ronnie Chang. Yeah, I definitely dispute the title of crazy. These are the two craziest fucking idiots that I know. Greg Larson and Ronnie Chang. Yeah, I definitely dispute the title of crazy. I think I'm a rational, intelligent, thoughtful man. We're slowly watching you lose your mind on Twitter. It's awesome. Yeah, exactly. It was bad before the virus, and now it's like, man, you are all out.

It's awesome. I actually sent you money for it. Yeah, that's true. Ronnie sent me money. How much did he send you? He sent me like $100 for my PayPal. Oh, It's awesome. I actually sent you money for it. Yeah, that's true. Ronnie sent me money. How much did he send you? He sent me like a hundred bucks for my PayPal. Oh, that's nice. For his Twitter feed.

Can I send you some money now, Greg, but you've got to promise me that you don't touch it until you're able to get back into the Choccy Milks. This is like a trust fund for after the coronavirus. Can I?

Yeah, that's cool. I like that. Can I send you money and get a sponsored tweet? Yeah, absolutely. I'll tweet anything for money. I'll say anything, you know, and it depends. Like, enough money. It'll be racist.

Like, it'll be whatever you want it to be. Like, I'll do whatever. Great. Because you've been, you got yourself, you locked yourself out from Twitter the other day and then I asked you I was like

what the fuck's happened has Greg actually killed himself and then I messaged you and you go oh no I was just I was just fighting with too many Nazis

what the fuck's going on yeah well some neo-Nazis was you know started weighing in you know on some things that I was saying

and they started like what what were you saying what sort of things were you saying to make neo-Nazis well the specific the specific tweet on some things that I was saying. Like what? What were you saying? What sort of things were you saying to make neo-Nazis? Well, the specific tweet was something along the lines of, I'll donate like a dollar to my local hospital for every picture I see of a Liberal Party volunteer being egged in the elections.

And then I said, I wish it could be more, but I don't have the fun. I think I said I'll cap it out at 10 as well. Well, you had $100 from Ronnie, you tight ass, so I don't know why you had to cap it there. But then these, yeah, neo-Nazis were sort of going that they wanted to fight me and stuff. And it was like 1am in the morning and I was going,

yeah, man, tell me where and when, let's have a fight. And that was the point where I went, all right, maybe when people have been telling me I've been going crazy on Twitter and so I blocked them all deleted all my tweets and deactivated my Twitter I just thought I'll have a couple of days off reset just to think about where I'm at what's going on and uh and come back into it and then and I'm back but you got to think about the audience greg i mean we saw that happen and we all thought he's done something drastic here you can't you can't be sending the kind of tweets you were and then just have radio silence for 48 hours out of nowhere people were really concerned yeah although but the thing the thing that bothers me because people say in my tweets are crazy all right

but at the same time at the same time it's not like I'm out there going, oh, man, there's radios in my mind. Like, I'm just going, hey, Scott Morrison is a fucking dickhead and he sucks. And what part of that is not true? Let's be honest. When you put it that way, it's very sensible. But the actual tweets are pretty crazy.

But I think they're funny, man. So that's why I supported it. I think it's mostly just the volume of them that makes it crazy. But I think they're funny, man. So that's why I supported it. I think it's mostly just, I think it's the volume of them that makes it crazy. It's absolutely the volume. How do you know those guys were Nazis? Quite a few of them had Nazi iconography in their profile pictures

and or the little descriptions. In the bio? The bio. Yeah, that doesn't mean anything. They were more than just like conservatives you know they had like

one of them had like 1488 here's the thing man here's the thing you don't know what the internet is is foreign agents running manipulation programs

you know what I mean it could all be who knows what is going on honestly I mean I'm not it's not defending Nazis it's like you don't know

who they are it could be because we know that foreign governments are using social media to manipulate the emotions of people in the West. So you – I've changed my mind, Greg. You're not the craziest anymore, Greg. I was just going to say thank you, Ronnie. I really –

Also, I love how if you thought of all four of us, among the four of us, the one you would think would have the least together during this pandemic would be Greg, right? Is that fair to say? No, I'm asking. That's fair to say, right? We gave you these four names, Tommy Dazzler, Kyle Chang, Lorraine Chang, Greg Larson.

You would think Greg Larson would be the least put together or least... I would say, like I said at the start, you two would be my two top crazies. If you're stuck in a hotel room by yourself in Sydney, I'm like, I don't know what you're capable of. I don't know what the fuck. But this is my point is that I thought Greg would be going crazy. I'm looking at his Skype window. He has it more put together than any of us.

He's got the professional microphone equipment with the stand. He's got the high-quality headphones. Here I am giving you money. Yo, what the – Yeah, but he's also got like a communist flag on his wall, like just absolutely about to either kill himself or anyone around him. Yeah, I've got the banner up behind me. It cost $1,000 that banner.

That was for my show last year. It was a prop for my show last year and then I said to my agent, can I keep it? And they're like, yeah, what the fuck are we going to do with it? So now it's up on my wall. Because when we started this, when we turned on Skype, Ronnie immediately was like, are we in some fucking InfoWars show now or what?

Because that's what it looks like. Yeah, you look like you've got some InfoWars setup. You look like you're very equipped to do a web broadcast about communism. I probably should. I probably should start. Yeah, I would have thought before all this, I would have picked you as being the most together for all of this going down.

Certainly the most braced for it, the most ready. I think there might be a small part of you that's kind of enjoying the way all this is unfolding. You must feel very vindicated. Well, my partner said to me that she said, you know, that I really seem like I'm in my element right now. Yes, it's true. You're thriving.

Yeah. And she keeps accusing me. She's going, you're enjoying this. And I'm like, no, I'm not enjoying it. I'll be talking about the stats for how many cases there are in America. And she's like, stop smirking. I'm not smirking. I'm not enjoying this.

It's true because if the comedy festival was on, you'd be on Twitter whinging about the lack of people that were coming to your show. But instead, you get to be giving facts out on Twitter. And it's just like everyone going, yeah, you tell them, Greg, speak truth to power. Greg, have you considered running for office? Now that a lot of people are telling me I should,

a lot of weird people on Twitter keep saying you should run for office, so maybe I will. A lot of Nazis are trying to get you to run for office just so they can absolutely JFK your fucking head off. Yeah. Tommy, are you staying at your parents' house right now? Yeah, this is my parents' house. They're in here with me. No, he's staying by himself.

He lives by himself. Oh, yeah, yeah, but you didn't retreat back to your parents' house during this pandemic? You're going to try to stick out on your own? You're not scared? Yeah, I think that's preferable to moving back in with my parents, don't you think? Yeah, I would definitely go

batshit crazy if I was staying with my parents. Yeah, that'd be a shame. I realise, as I said what I said, I realise I was making myself up for something. But it was too late to turn back. Maybe you should move in with him now and just show us just to see if we can tell the difference.

What's wrong with your face? Genetics or is it a disease? Oh, no. Good question. It could be virus-related. There could be spores out in the atmosphere. I went outside just before, so maybe I've contracted it.

I don't know. Because your dad doesn't have whatever you have. No, my dad doesn't have what I have. So, yeah. I sucked off a bat about six months ago. Well, actually, you've been looking pretty good recently. Ever since I've known you, it's been horrible. And then the last couple of years, you've actually dramatically improved.

It's still fucked. It's still fucked, but it's better. It's been horrible. And then the last couple of years, you've actually dramatically improved. It's still fucked. It's still fucked, but it's better. It's less fucked. So have you been doing something or is there a routine? Have you been eating well? Yeah, I've been going to the gym a lot. I've been doing F45. Oh, for real?

Doing a lot of exercise. Yeah. Way to go, man. He's like you. He did something about himself, Ronnie. Like you did when you dramatically transformed your body from fat, short, little Asian man into not as fat, short, little Asian man. Yeah, portly little Asian man.

It's a trickle-down effect where you changed your appearance because Carl bullied you and I changed my appearance because you bullied me. And so now I'm just out there in the street finding children that I can bully in the hopes that they'll improve their physical appearance. Carl, do you not believe in Invisalign or do you just say fuck it, it's over now? Like you're already past it.

I don't know what that means. Were you not able to afford braces or you just are against? I was thinking you're doing that if we're all in lockdown. It'll be less of a problem. Stop thinking about it.

Do it. Do my braces teeth-wise. No, suspenders. Well, that's what I... It could have been. It could have been suspenders. I was thinking about getting into suspenders.

Invisible suspenders. That would be good. Greg, have you... I want to keep my pants up but I don't want anyone else to know how That would be good. Greg, have you? I want to keep my pants up, but I don't want anyone else to know how I'm doing it. Greg, have you always looked like this

since you were young? Or was there a period before this when you were fit and healthy? Yeah, he had a beard when he was eight. Yeah, I was a lot thinner growing up, certainly.

What happened, it was around the time that I turned 25, 26. It was around then that I first got my driver's license. I was late to the party with driver's license. And I used to be, that was actually the slimmest day ever was. Then I was very slim and healthy because I was walking all the time. And I started going to McDonald's drive-thrus when I got my driver's license.

Oh, really? And that really, like, a couple of years downhill. And then I went from walking – I used to walk everywhere. I never caught public transport. I'd just walk – if it was an hour walk, I'd just walk there. Yep. But then when I got my license, I was like, I can't be bothered walking. And it all just came back.

It all just piled on. Well, you know, the best thing about this whole coronavirus, I've been reading a lot of articles about stuff in New York City where because of the virus, people have been just randomly abusing Asian people on the street. And it made me feel good because I think, well, when Ronnie goes back, it actually feels good

that he's going to absolutely fucking cop it. That's one good thing to come out of this whole pandemic. We'll see. We'll see. I don't think it's everyone. I don't think it's everyone, but we'll see. I have faith in humanity. But wasn't it in Melbourne one time?

This was about five years ago. A guy, you were walking to my gig to spleen, and a guy just spat in your face on the way to the gig. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that happened, yeah. But what did you do after that? Like, you just kept walking, didn't you?

Yeah, I kept walking, yeah. You didn't do anything. Don't you know Yeah, I kept walking. Yeah. You didn't do anything. I don't know. No, no. I don't know if he spat on my face or he was like talking at me and spit came out because it wasn't a very clear, you know what I mean?

Like, but was he, was he talking at you as like, Hey, how you going? He was like slurring and then like spit came out. and then was he was he ethnic slurring because that that could be no no he wasn't ethnic slurring no right but yeah yeah thanks for remembering that man yeah i was going my way to spleen to do some open mic yeah yeah i was actually like like threatened on my way to spleen once when i was literally for everyone out there listening when spleen comes back

it is safe to go to, by the way. This doesn't happen to everyone that does a gig, okay? Just approach it from the top of the mall, not the bottom. Anyway, so I was walking up the street and then my phone dinged and I was walking past, there was a group of like sort of homeless guys sitting on the street and my phone dinged and I was with a friend and i pulled out my phone and went and then i went oh i just achieved a fitness goal and then a homeless guy like stood up and

goes fuck you cunt and then tried to fight me and then when i told my partner that she goes if i overheard you say that i would have also wanted but this going back to going back to how your mind frame is during this whole pandemic, you were before your time, like this is about five or six weeks ago, you went silly in Brisbane and like drove home instead of getting a plane home, like drove home from Brisbane. But that's the thing is like it was clear, and this is why I do get frustrated with it.

It was clear that this was definitely going to happen, and people kept saying, it's not going to happen. I'm like, what are you talking about? The World Health Organization says it's going to happen. And then I went, oh, I'm not going to get on a Virgin flight because a bunch of Virgin staff just got diagnosed with coronavirus. There's countries going into lockdown. I'm going to drive.

Turns out, Gegi was right the whole time. But it wasn't some big big mystery yeah yeah but look i'd say in hindsight that does look a lot saner than what it looked like six weeks ago but yeah having said having said that i did like the cherry on the top of the pie where you got to melbourne then wouldn't move from the car rental place didn't trust trains or ubers or anything and just sat there until your girlfriend came and picked you up, because you didn't trust any other form of transport. Yeah, no, she, I mean, she drove, she followed me in. I said, like, you've got to follow me into the city.

So we, yeah, but I didn't, I wouldn't, I wasn't going to get on the train. What? She followed you to the city? Yeah, yeah. Your girlfriend followed you in the hire car at some point out of Melbourne, and then followed you all the way into the hire car centre? No, just from my house in Melbourne to the hire car centre in Melbourne. Right, okay.

So I came from Brisbane in the hire car to my house and then the next day I dropped her off in the city and then she followed me into the city from my house, from our house, in order to, you know, so I didn't have to get public transport. But then we did stop at the pork roll place in Smith Street. I wanted to get, that was my last meal out. That was it.

I would never have any virus going through that joint, definitely. No. You keep it really safe. Not at Trang's. Trang's wouldn't do that. They're too good. The peanut sauce. Of the many, many benefits that there'd be in the world currently

if this wasn't going on, if that was just a crazy story about Greg taking six days to drive home from Brisbane for no good reason whatsoever, what a fucking great world it would be. And if we could all go, yeah, check out Greg. What a stupid cunt. Meanwhile, in this version of the story, Greg just has a Fucking bat roll

On the air From Brisbane Yeah One bat roll mate With peanut sauce please Greg you Greg you wrote on my Sitcom

Yeah That was great Running Chang International Student Yeah That was fun I've I've always been a fan of you Yeah

I've always been a fan of you man That's why I think You know we did We wrote a great show. And we wrote it all on Skype as well, pretty much everything. Greg, you're great. I write for a lot of TV shows, Ronnie. Oh, really? You do? Oh, awesome.

I could have worked on that show as well. Yeah, maybe you could have. Who was in charge of making that call, Ronnie? Maybe we can get to the bottom of this of why it didn't happen. I wish I could say it was all me, but there were some people in charge that are just fucking terrible. I did have a clause in my contract that said, we'll not work with the following people.

One, Carl Chandler. Oh, damn. And that was it. Did you ever fight with Carl Chandler, Greg? Did I ever fight? No, damn. And that was it. Did you ever fight with Kyle Chandler, Greg? Did I ever fight? No, we've never fought. Yeah, no?

Have we ever fought? We've never fought. Okay, so from day one when you met Kyle, he's been all good? Because some people have interesting stories first meeting Kyle.

But Greg, when you first met him he was all good. He respected you. You respected him. It was mutual respect. I'm trying to think when we first met. I can't even remember back to when yeah i can't remember either so it

must have been positive it's all positive by the sound of it yeah probably nothing but love nothing but love don't try and stir up trouble ronnie what was our first meeting what what was it must have been positive me and you no you you already talked about this. I can't remember. Our first meeting. Yeah, I waited. I was at Spleen. I waited for the show to end. I lined up to sign up for the gig. And that was it. That was the first meeting. Oh, that's not a bad thing.

Why are you trying to spread this rumor that I'm bad? No, no, no. I don't have a bad experience with you, but some people do. Oh, okay. Some people meet you. Name names. I've got a pad and a pen here. Give me the names. Some people meet you first time

and they don't get along with you. And then because you have a childish mentality, you never get over it. And then it just, it's all downhill from the start. Even though technically you guys could have been best, like good friends

or at least professional friends. But because you're so petty and childish, like some people just rub you the wrong way and then it's over from the start yeah that sounds good i've had i've got a successful career i've got a wonderful family it seems like whatever i've done to get to here was the right thing to do i think that yeah no no no i'm not even i'm not even disputing that don't get so defensive man i'm just saying what am I talking crazy here that some people don't get along with you am I a crazy person no it's very

open that you don't get along with some people there's nothing wrong with that and you can be a successful person but there's some people you just don't get along with thank you yeah

so defensive very defensive and sensitive man it's so funny going into this you were like what's off the table what's off the table

because you've obviously got other talking points you want to bring up. This is just the beginning. No, man. I'm just here to bring shit up. That's what this podcast, that's what people want to hear. I'm giving the people what they want. Okay, you're saying that some people don't get along with me and that's fine.

But you know what? I'll say this. I'm the one who chooses that. There's not many people that go, no, I'm not going to deal with Carl. I'm the one who chooses that there's there's not many people that go no i'm not going to deal with carl i'm doing i'm i'm the one with the power here i'm the one saying no fuck this guy that's pretty good that's a good position to be in yeah okay man running whoa thank you prime minister carl chandler you have all the power yeah no one's taking that away from you running if you had to step outside yourself what do you think people

would would say about you in behind closed doors outside yourself, what do you think people would say about you behind closed doors, behind your back? I think they say that guy, he's a respectable guy. He's a good guy. He's respectable. Man, that's exactly what we say. Treats people the right way. You've nailed it.

If someone had a gun to someone else's head to say, hey, tell me some bad things about Ronnie, what do you think they would say? And it had to be truthful. Nothing. I don't think anyone can say anything bad about me. So they would just get shot. They would choose death.

No, I don't think anyone could say anything bad about me. I mean, the worst they could say is, I don't like this guy or he's not funny, but I haven't I don't think I've screwed anyone over or treated anyone badly. This is half the messages that I get from you.

We'll be talking about anything else and then'll turn into um can you organize a fight between me and luke heggie so i don't think that's the words of a well-balanced man i'm sorry like i didn't say i'm well balanced i said that i don't think anyone can say anything bad about me well i'm saying you're not well balanced that's a bad thing to say about someone isn't it i guess but that's not is is the worst thing you can say about me is that i'm not mentally healthy and that's i mean yeah that's i'll take that then that is a bad thing to say about someone if you say this person's fucking mental that's i don't think that's bad i don't think that's bad no who's mentally who's mentally 100 healthier of all the people on this podcast Tommy are you okay

are you okay I'm the best I've been in a while but I've still got plenty to go yeah exactly you got some shit going on

Kyle you okay yeah I'm perfect I mean Greg goes without saying you're obviously yes I've got a lot of stuff going on in my mind

just from this skype window here yeah so look at your twitter feed Kyle are you okay I'm 100% 110 maybe. Okay, well then three quarters of this podcast,

we're not 100%. So majority of people have got a little stuff going on. So there's nothing bad about that. And yeah, I want to fight Luke Heggy. What's so crazy about that? Do you think you would win? Why do you? I just, why not?

Just for fun. Just for fun. Do you think you could beat Luke Hagee? No, I think that he says that he can fight. So let's put his voice to the test. I've never heard him say that. He's always talking about smashing people. So let's see how much he can smash.

Let's go. Let's do it. Just a friendly fight. Let's do it for charity. We'll do it for charity. What do you learn? You learn wing, wing, wing wing what is it called the martial art

it doesn't matter it doesn't matter just pretend I don't know anything it's the Bruce Lee thing whatever Bruce Lee learns no no Luke thinks he can he can defeat me

let's do it let's put his words to the test anytime he doesn't think that he's never said that you want to fight him he doesn't want to fight you okay well then

that says something too nah I love Luke but I will fight him. So how do you want this to go down? Do you want there to be a certain type of fighting or is it just anything goes? I think it's a dum-dum club grappling competition.

Oh, yeah, the famous dum-dum club grapple, yeah. Yeah. It's like a Patreon exclusive. We'll have it in Coast of Millie next year. What about that? Dumb Dumb Club Grapple. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a Patreon exclusive. Yeah. We'll have it in Coast of Millie next year. What about that? I can't wait for the lockdown to end so finally mates can start grappling again.

I just want to get grappling. I just need... Is that just you locked in a hotel room, Ronnie? You just keep being lonely and just wanting to touch another man? Is that what's happening? Maybe it's true. Maybe that's it.

Yeah. Great. Look, open anytime. Luke Hagee, anytime. Do you know this, Ronnie? You're asking about ourselves and what's been happening. Do you know this? Tommy Daslow, co-host of the Little Dumb Dumb Club, do you know he's got a girlfriend now?

He's got a new girlfriend. I'm not surprised. He's always got new girlfriends, right? He's always got new girlfriends. It? He's always got new girlfriends. It takes a little time in between relationships. Yeah. Yeah. Unable to sustain a long-term.

His new girlfriend is not new. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, congratulations. Thanks, man. I just thought you might want to know. How new?

How new? Like six months or so at this point. Yeah. How much are you paying her? I feel like I should have known that. How much are you paying her? I feel like I should have known that. Oh. How much am I paying her? Wow.

Oh, yeah. Wow. Not cool, man. Not cool. Where'd you meet her? Where'd you meet her? Through a friend. Okay.

Through a mutual friend. So they've been going out for six months, Ronnie, and you know what? What? I haven't had the invite yet. Haven't had the, uh, haven't met her. Love this. And been blessed uh haven't met her love this been blessed with the invitation I love this you you thinking that I meant to like roll out the red carpet for you to come around and get a personal meet and greet with my girlfriend like

she's fucking Dave and Gareth from the dollop or something yes yes so six months six months have been together now we're going to be in lockdown for six months they're going to celebrate their one year anniversary and I haven't even had the invite, haven't even met her yet. That's bullshit. It's pretty funny. My parents hadn't met her yet before this all started and now they're just like there's no way they can ask for a like, hey, let's all go out to dinner and finally meet her.

And I was thinking the other day, this could get to a year into the relationship and my parents still having not met her, which feels like it would be pretty cool of a milestone to hit. It's like I was copped shit for having a Thailand secret family, which I don't have. You're going to have like a secret girlfriend. And to your girlfriend, you're going to have a secret family.

Yeah, yeah. I really do. Has your girlfriend ever seen your face? No. I wear a paper bag over my head every time I hang out. Okay, well, that explains that as well. And also, does she know what you do? No, I've kept everything from her. I've kept my occupation and face a secret from her. I like to take things slow.

She hasn't even met Carl yet. You think I've let her see my face? Yeah, you haven't talked around her yet, have you? No. You're doing well to hold on to her for six months and not having let any of that info out yet. That's a good sign. You must be a

real good root. Does she listen to this podcast? No. Has she ever? No. Has she been to any of your podcast? No. Okay. Has she ever? No. Has she been to any of your shows? No. No. That's another thing.

She's never seen me do stand-up. No wonder the relationship has lasted this long. There we go. There we go. There we go. Very nice. What about this? Does she call you by your real name or your dumb stage name? That's a good question. That's a great question. She call you by your real name or your dumb stage name? That's a good question.

That's a great question. She calls me by my real name. Okay. Oh, really? Call me by your real name. What about this for an idea? So I don't know if you guys have seen this floating around. Because of the lockdowns in various places around the world,

and they're like mid-sport seasons, you know, some places like the NRL, greg like you love the rugby nrl uh nrl and rugby are actually two different sports but okay yeah well same same thing they both suck whatever so um so that was their mid-season and so the idea was that they were going to take the whole league to some tiny country town or something and like have one big camp and play the rest of the season. And they just all live together in some camp and then come out and play games every day. They absolutely did.

And this guy that owns the Tangalooma Resort in Brisbane on Morton Island has proposed that they do it at the resort. So they all stay at the resort on Tangalooma Island, which is a beautiful, picturesque location. Imagine that. Imagine all the NRL together doing dolphin feeding experiences and then playing games of footy on the weekend. That would be the most...

The stink coming off that island would be yeah would be incredible there'd be a lot of grappling at night time i reckon yeah a lot of i'm there i'm there what if we did that what if we did this because this is hard to do we're gonna have to do skype for six months basically what if we just build our own like comedy camp and just so so for dum-dum so that we can just have all of you guys living with us for six months and just use you every month or two or something like that how cool would that be and we could do it in mirror borough we could do it on my parents farm we could all live on my parents farm for six months is death an option yeah is that better than doing it over skype is that better

than dying of coronavirus? Wait, your... That sounds... Carl, your parents have a farm? Yeah. Oh, cool. They've got a big farm. How's your dad's knee? Oh, it's good.

Yeah, it's fine. Cool, man. What do you know about his knee? What's going on with his knee? What's this knee about? Carl's dad had knee reconstructive surgery. Yeah, yeah, he did. He did.

It's all good. It's all good. Thanks for remembering that. Is the farm a hobby farm or a proper farm? What kind of farm? reconstructive surgery yeah yeah he did yeah it's all good it's all good thanks for thanks for remembering that is he able to farm what kind of farm hobby farm or what kind of farm it's like a hobby farm it's like 60 acres it's got like a few sheep and a few cows and chickens and stuff like that it's not like it's not proper it's just like um mostly just a pain in the ass for dad to try and keep it up it's it's pretty silly for people in their 70s now but pretty remote right away from all this yeah yeah exactly exactly so it's like it's like

you know people are worried about their parents and stuff with all this stuff going around i sort of have to ring up and say to my mom and dad um can you just keep away from a lot of people and don't um you know deal with anyone or anything like that and they're like yeah that's what we've been doing for 15 years so they've changed their life in absolutely no way whatsoever they've got a huge deep freezer they're like the only thing that's happened is i've sent them an e uh an iphone so that we can do video messages and stuff like that but like they've changed their lifestyle in absolutely no way whatsoever wow i said to mom the other day you better go like you know there's these new pensioner hours for the for the supermarket you better go like you know there's these new pensioner

hours for the for the supermarket you better go in early and she's like i've got two months worth of meat in my freezer i don't need to go and get anything i um i'm really glad and that's when i knew that this was all serious because my parents they or my dad especially my dad is the kind of person that if he was engulfed in flame would just say oh fire never killed anybody you know what i mean like my dad my dad insists that you can enjoy chicken rare like he's like yeah it's fine to have rare chicken like he i've seen him eat stuff out of bins because he's like why'd you throw that out it was perfectly all right and go into the wheelie bin and pull it out and now he is going yeah yeah, I'm being careful.

I'm wearing a mask to the supermarket. What does he do? What's his background? My dad used to be really early on a butcher and then he became a cop. And he's now a retired cop, but he still works for the police. Does he like that you became this left-wing fuckhead? Yeah, I mean, I think my dad still loves me, regardless of where our views might differ in terms of politics.

Is he physically fit? I would say he's not as much these days. As a cop, he was like a fit guy, right? Yeah, he was pretty fit. But he was like a fit guy, right? Yeah, he was pretty fit. He was pretty fit. But he was also a senior sergeant, so he didn't have to do a lot of the running and jumping and all that kind of stuff.

What about this, Greg? So given the circumstances and everything and given that you've been worried about catching a plane, you'd rather drive instead, all that sort of stuff, where do you stand regarding the usage of cash? Of cash? Yeah. Well, I have $100 in my wallet that Josh Earle gave me for

doing a podcast back in Brisbane that I still haven't spent yet because I don't want to get it out and get touch change or anything like that. Yeah, right. Okay. That's what I wondered. I thought maybe you would be one of these people. But I'm going to have to get it out soon because I'm going to – but also a lot of places aren't dealing with cash at the moment.

Yeah. I think that's one of the reasons why Australia is going to get over this quicker than most because the touch – the tap pay technology, the wireless pay technology in Australia is very advanced, more advanced than in New York. Oh, wow. Like here, everyone can pay by just touching their phones, touching their cards. Not even touching, just wirelessly paying.

You can't even do that in New York, man. It's all cash. Don't try and sneak in one of your ads onto this podcast. And that's why Visa Australia is now offering cashless wireless payments over your phone. Always use Visa responsibly. Also, that reminds me, 4 and 20 pies are still operating,

still open for business during this whole thing. 4 and 20, we got your back. Great. Well, see, this is the thing. So, a lot of people, businesses are sort of trying to do that sort of no cash thing now.

Now, look, let's say hypothetically, I work in a trade where there's a lot of sort of trying to do that sort of no cash thing now now look let's say hypothetically i work in a in a trade where uh there's a lot of sort of cash floating around and and you know not as much on the books let's say that let's say that hypothetically someone had like a whole mattress full of fucking cash that he's trying to fucking get out there and then all these businesses are now not wanting to use it yeah um here's the thing I've found. I keep going up to businesses and they go, I pull cash out and they go, is it possible to use card instead?

And I just go, no. And they just force the cash on them. That's fine. That's not illegal yet. That's not illegal. I mean, do you wear gloves or anything or are you just holding the cash? Are you licking your fingers?

Yeah, just holding the cash. I hope you never get to buy a single thing ever again. I hope you get rejected from every single store. You're inconsiderate. You're a fuckhead. But man, this is what I'm going to aim to do while I'm in lockdown. If I can't earn any money,

at least I can try and get rid of some of this cash. What is this, spleen bucket cash? If I can't earn money, at least I can try and get rid of some of this cash. Why is this spleen bucket cash? If I can't earn money, at least I can get rid of some money. That's not sound financial planning. That's not a good idea. I'm not earning any money. I better get rid of as much money as I can. Yo, bring it with you to Thailand next time you go over there, which is next week.

No, I wish. And just convert it into baht. But see, I would hang on to it because what if the banks collapse and now at least you've got some money, you know, like all your electronic money could be gone. Oh, yeah. Exactly.

That's a good idea. Carl, send it to me. Send what? In the mail? Yeah, send it to me and I'll transfer it back. I'll transfer your digital money. He'll clean it. Okay.

I'll clean it. He'll clean the money. It would be incredible if they traced all the community transactions, transmissions of coronavirus back to these just like disgusting notes of money that are circulating out there because of Carl Chandler. If they work it all back to the Chandler bedroom. And it's like no one's using cash except for me. So anytime someone pulls

out a 20 they're like oh how do you know chanda actually you can't use cash here right i've been in australia for like three or four weeks now man like i said exactly that i people i pull out cash and they go have you got anything else and i just go no and i have to take it so they're not heaps happy about it but are you doing that just just freaking use your card because i'm just i just want to get rid of it i want to where have you been using it just so people know to avoid these businesses around the hawthorne area so that they're going to stay away from the disgusting money germs that you've been putting out into the world pretty pretty much the only two shops I've been going to over and over are McDonald's and Officeworks.

Okay, stay away, folks. Stay away. Fuck. I love a bit of Macca's. Damn. Why do you guys like eating McDonald's so much? It's so good. This is what happened the other day.

This is literally what happened the other day. So you're only supposed to leave your house to buy know to to buy groceries or whatever to eat uh for exercise right so i'm now running every single night so i i ran the other night and then i was like you know what i haven't had dinner yet i'll get some mcdonald's as part of my run so i go and get mcdonald's and then of course you can't sit in or you can't sit outside or anything like that because you know you're banned from um you know eating into a restaurant now so I I was going to just sit out the front and then I noticed that there was policemen had bought McDonald's as well and they were sitting in their car like right out the front of McDonald's so I was like okay well I can't just sit on the ground because it's going to look like I'm not you know I shouldn't be there

um and so I got the McDonald's in the bag, and I walked around the block. And this is like at 10 o'clock at night. I walked around the block, and I sat in the dark on the footpath around the other side of the block from McDonald's, just by myself on the ground, and started eating McDonald's in the middle of the street.

And then that police car just had done a blockie and came around and just drove really slowly past me and looked out the window at me, eating on the ground, putting together a double cheeseburger and putting chips in it and eating off the ground, right? And then they're looking at me and I'm like, can I get arrested for this? Because technically I shouldn't be doing this because you're getting fined for being out of the house now

and what's my defence at 10 o'clock at night where I'm eating chips off the ground like I'm going to be in big trouble here dude they followed you because they saw you in the McDonald's

paying with cash get him boys but this is not the first time you've been walking around and the police just think you look suspicious yeah yeah sure

you were running with your then girlfriend people thought you were going to murder her yeah yeah I know I know because I know. Because you just look like a shady person. No, but not only that, but that was an old story where my girlfriend at the time, now my wife, was actually screaming.

It looked like I was chasing her. And because I was like sort of trying to be motivational, going, come on, keep going. You're doing good. Go a bit faster. And then she's like she's screaming fuck off fuck off and then the police came

by the way I've played indoor soccer with you you're not gently encouraging anymore you're going run fucking faster also I brought you I brought you and Milan and one other guy I can't remember

I think it was Nick Capper and remember I met you guys in Melbourne at the barcade you i brought you and milan and one other guy i can't remember i think it was nick capper and we remember after i met you guys in melbourne at the barcade oh yeah it's a bar that's arcade and all three of you came in and the three of you look straight up like criminals yeah the three of you together in in that bar you just look like you're gonna rob the place yeah yeah so you guys you guys have criminal face you have resting criminal face well not only that but we that was a bar of nerds that you brought us to and so we looked we looked like the biggest alphas we've ever looked like amongst that fucking bar you don't go alphas you look like criminals i'm not alphas criminals i gotta i gotta say carl that that

mcdonald's story like i'm i'm someone who has a lot of sad mcdonald's stories and that was far worse than well man not only that big but this is literally the end of the story i was sitting on the ground eating chips off the ground and the cops the cops drove really slowly past me and like looked at me because there's no one else on the street except for this guy that they found in shorts absolutely deliberately hiding. And so I got up and I actually ran. I ran away. You ran from the cops because you were crouched on the ground eating chips and a burger.

I thought I was going to get in trouble for eating a value meal. The actual Hamburglar. Yeah. But this is like 10, 10.30 at night. I got like super paranoid. I was like, because you know what else is because I was scared as well. Like if I get arrested for this, this is like it's going to come back to my wife and she's going to know that I've snuck out to eat McDonald's

and then I'm going to be in big trouble because I shouldn't be doing that. So you're between a rock and a hard place, grilled by the cops for eating in the street or grilled by your wife for eating McDonald's at home. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. That last sentence you said that you were afraid you were getting in trouble from your wife, like while you were saying that, I was just thinking, wait, are you misremembering a story I've told you here?

Like what's going on? Because this sounds very much like any day of my life. I want someone to do up a Carl Chandler Hamburglar fan art. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'll happen. That'll be real good. Someone will be getting on that straight away.

So what, the cops didn't get a chance to talk to you. You took off on foot before they could question you. Yes, yes. Wow. Absolutely. I just got up and I went back, I went through the block so that the cops couldn't follow me. So I

went through this little arcade bit where they couldn't fit a car. So I was like, yes. Are you sure you didn't actually accidentally kill someone? Because you sound really guilty. Now I just want to see someone edit the footage from Jason Bourne with you running with McDonald's.

That's fine. Like any normal, like in the real world, the cops seeing someone and then someone running, they'd be like, well, we've got to chase this guy because that means he's guilty. But in the current climate, they're like, yeah, good, run home. Good. Yeah.

Job well done. Yeah, yeah. But a public service announcement here, they are fining people. Yeah. Because right now in Australia, you can only go out in a group of no more than two people. You have to be going to get food

or you have to be exercising. Yeah. So Greg, there's no way they're going to believe that you're exercising, so you have to say that you're going to get food or you have to be exercising yeah so greg there's no way they're going to believe that you're exercising so you have to say that you're going to get food don't worry i haven't no matter what they went two weeks i'm good you just need to buy like um lycra or something greg and just like go and get fast food while you're you know wearing nike gear nike active gear but i'm not worried but that's the But I'm not worried. But that's the thing. I'm not worried. I'm worried about getting the virus from some 15-year-old McDonald's worker

who's sneezing all over the burger. I'm not risking it. Yeah, like that's stopping you from going to McDonald's. Come on, man. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, wow. That's how serious I am.

Yeah, that's crazy. Okay, now I'm believing you. You said before that you were going to get healthy and stuff. If you're thinking that fast food makes you seriously ill and you're going to get paranoid about that, I now back you to lose some serious weight. Well, I was going to say, I feel so much better in the last few weeks. I'm like, fuck.

My guts aren't in turmoil every day like this is what's happened i'm telling you you guys don't know how to eat this is your chance i mean i know i know the process i know how to do it like i know you don't know how to eat you're like a garbage can yeah you're like a trash can you put trash in and that's why you look like a trash can and that's why trash comes out. Give Greg a basic day diet. Give him the basics. Breakfast, lunch, dinner.

What should he be having? Just go, hey, look, hey, morning. Easy, banana pancakes. Keto, banana pancakes. You go, one banana. Wait, just shut up and listen. One banana. Yeah, Greg, just shut up and listen one banana yeah Greg

just shut up clearly whatever you've been doing hasn't been working so just listen to someone else for once you mix a banana and one egg

and then you fry it and it tastes like a banana pancake it's like a banana flavored omelette banana pancake keto completely

unprocessed high protein natural sugars that's what you do in the morning cool alright got sugars okay that's what you could do in the morning okay cool alright got that

okay that's one meal yeah okay and that's it and then the rest of the day the rest of the day you shut the fuck up okay

alright and work on your mental health yeah work on your mental health get off twitter yeah get off facebook work on mental health

I love I love Ronnie's new book eat pancakes for breakfast the end yeah 23 hour fasting and shut the fuck up Get off Facebook. We'll go to mental health. I love Ronnie's new book, Eat Pancakes for Breakfast, The End. Yeah, 23-hour fasting. And shut the fuck up. Well, I guess that means you can't order any food if you shut up. So that's something.

Yeah. Actually, sorry, my thoughts are all over the place. What I wanted to say was the reason why I like Greg's Twitter is because I think he's a very good comedy writer, which is why I got him on my TV show. Thank you. Okay. Thank you very much.

Interesting. All right. So that's one of the reasons why someone would have been hired on your TV show. Because I like them, yeah. I like them and I think they're talented. Yeah, yeah. What are the reasons

that someone wouldn't have been hired on your TV show? Many, multiple. Multiple reasons. Fucked face. Maybe they have not been very nice to me. Maybe they don't know how to eat properly. They don't know how to eat proper meals. They are not self-sufficient.

Their personal lives are a mess. They don't introduce their girlfriends to us. They are ashamed of their girlfriends meeting their friends. Maybe they have babies out of wedlock. This is all things that we can work on for when season two of your TV show comes out, Ronnie, and we can have a big chance of getting on that. Right. When season two, yeah.

What's happening with – how's the global pandemic affected the schedule for Crazy Rich Asians 2? I don't know, man. It's up in the air. Ronnie, can I ask? There's a place in Melbourne called Witches and Britches. Yeah, I saw the... And they have a show called Crazy Rich Witches. What's your opinion on that?

And do you think they should have called it Crazy Witch Asians? Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, is that better? Or is that more? What is that? What is your opinion? What is that?

What is that? Crazy Witch Asians. What is that is the greatest question. And also, by the way, I love how I already know about this because people send me, they take a photo of the ad where it's the Witches and Bridgers cabaret show, longstanding dinner and cabaret show in Melbourne, Australia. It's the poor man's Draculas and Draculas is now out of business.

Yeah. And one of their latest show is called Crazy Rich Witches, which, I I mean to answer your question what I think about that is what is going on but I do respect that their world

the cabaret world is probably its own world you know they probably have like their own comedy festival thing you know

they put all their energy into making this one show just like the way we put energies in our own stupid podcast and whatever Tommy Daslow is pulling off his ass

this year and Greg Larson's Twitter you know like we all think it's the most important thing in the world right but outside people

are like who cares about this so I respect their creative you know expression I think the reason why they couldn't do

crazy witch Asians is because they don't have any Asians yeah that's 100% true I think they're aware that that would be a better title

but that's really going to make casting pretty hard for them. But if they if they if they punctuated it right because if they said crazy comma

which Asians? Question mark? Like as in which Asians? Yeah. But there are none. But well this is a show

that exists in Australia so they're not going to hire any Asian people for it. Yeah. That's what happens here. Yeah, but what about, is there any Asian witches? I've never heard of an Asian witch anyway, so. That's a great question,

Carl. Yeah. Have you actually never seen Spirited Away, Carl? Okay, so. Let me get into some Studio Ghibli films, alright? So there's actually, Kiki's Delivery Service? Come on. I mean, okay. Great, great. Great. Great. Well, it's taken about 50 minutes for the big fat nerd in you to come out, Greg.

So I think we've had a good episode. I can never tell how sensitive your listeners are. Do they get angry or not? I never know what the hell is going on with your fans or whatever you call them. What are they going to get angry about? What are you talking about? I don't know. I never know.

Are they angry? Do they get offended? Do they get upset at episodes? No, they don't. They don't know I never know are they angry do they get offended do they get upset at episodes no they don't they don't get upset at anything I don't know man these guys

do your best up until this point you haven't insulted them are you about to insult them is that what you're saying no no I don't know people get

you know you guys are Melbourne guys Melbourne's a very sensitive city so I don't know I don't know man they said i'm surprised you guys haven't been shut down yet the the stuff that we say on this podcast is yeah i don't think there's anyone policing podcasts there's no podcast cops i think i think

some people some people get annoyed at podcasts in general and some people probably get annoyed at this podcast specifically but it doesn't generally get back to us. I think we're okay. What about this? Hey, have you guys got any plans on what you're going to get done during this whole lockdown? Like some people are going to learn guitar or whatever.

Have you got any tasks that you want to achieve while there's nothing to do? Yeah, hopefully never get on this podcast again uh i want to uh i'm trying to get fitter uh and uh i'm writing some uh doing some writing some pitches in britches crazy pitch asian all right greg uh i've been yeah greg i mean i'm Greg I'm doing the same I'm trying to work on ideas to pitch

I've been doing a lot I'm also trying to do a lot of content for the grub for the podcast why don't you work on yourself why don't you work on yourself as well instead of

just working on other things why don't you turn that internally yeah I'm not I'm not asking about work work I'm asking about like other things

yeah Greg what do you think what do you like the least about yourself what do I like the least about myself um yeah right now probably my fat body okay why don't you do something about that all right i will what about your mind are you okay with your mind no but what do you not like about your mind what do you not like about the way you get your mind to eat pancakes for breakfast. Well, banana's good for the mind, isn't it? Isn't banana brain food? I guess.

Do you like your beard? I don't love it, but I don't hate it either. I don't like the way my face looks without it. I'm actually going to trim it probably right even after this podcast. I'm going to trim my beard. But I'm not going to shave it off. I like having a beard, but I don't like it this long. So anything else, Greg, that you can sort of put a line in the sand

and go, this is what I'm going to achieve in the next six months? I mean, I thought about trying to re... Like, I used to play saxophone all the time, and I've been thinking about trying to start doing that and, like, getting good at the saxophone again. And also, I studied German at university and then I never did anything with it and now I've forgotten most of it

and I want to re-study German. Right. So like re-learn things that I already knew. Right, okay, so nothing new. You just want to go back and get to where you were when I was 20 or whatever. Because part of me is like, no, if I'm going to learn a new skill,

fucking get good at the ones that you already sort of know yeah you know like don't pick up another fucking skill when you're gonna you're gonna get good at things that you clearly don't need because you haven't used them for 20 years yeah but you don't need anything what do you need anymore nothing you get whatever water coming out of the tap i'm fine like okay yeah right so what does anybody need? Nobody needs anything Why don't you start preparing Your campaign for office? Yeah maybe

Yeah Senate? Do you think I should run for Senate? Or for I think you should start Yeah you should What's more important? I don't know

What's more important I think Senate would be easier To get into Okay then do that Yeah Which one's cheaper? I think probably Senate I'll go for the Senate I'll be a Okay, then do that then. Which one's cheaper? I think probably Senate. I'll go for the Senate.

I'll be a Senator. All right. Yeah, do that. The Dum Dum Club has gotten people voted, has gotten people awarded things based on votes before. That's true. I think the Dum Dum Club can get you elected. Yeah, for sure.

What do you think, Tommy? Can you get this guy elected? I think that's a pretty good goal for us. Yeah, we've gotten someone a Logie. Let's get someone into office. Get Gaggy in Parliament. Gaggy in government. Get Gaggy in government.

Get Gaggy in Ceni. No, I'm serious. You guys are in with Sam Deshani, right? Sam Destiari? Yeah. So you get him to be the consultant, right? Yeah. We can get him to be the consultant, right? Yeah.

You can do this, Greg. Well, I mean, I think Sam is probably a little bit tainted in terms of his political... I don't know if you'd want to be sort of necessarily... Okay, well, Nick Capa. Is Nick Capa available to be your campaign manager? Let's get Nick Capa. Is he the next best after Sam Dastyari? Yeah, Sam Dastyari, then Capa.

Not even Tom Ballard, Nick Capa. Yeah. Yeah, Greg, let's say Dubnum Club get you to run foriari. Yeah, Sam Desiari, then Kappa. Not even Tom Ballard, Nick Kappa. Yeah. Greg, let's say Dubnum Club get you to run for office now and you can do this. Yeah, I'll look into it. I think it's

entirely possible because I'd need some people because you need to get a bunch of people to sign a thing to say we support this person. To register to run

you have to get like a hundred signatures. I don't know how many signatures it is but it's a bunch. Right, we could do that at the very least many signatures it is, but it's a bunch. Right. We could do that at the very least. Yeah.

So, you know, kick it off from there and then I'll just run on a campaign of, you know, fuck you. Fuck you. Just fuck you, man. Just vote for me and I'll say whatever you want me to say on Twitter. I'll just say fuck stuff. You're like the Australian progressive Trump. Yeah.

You just say what the people are thinking. That's what we need. That's exactly right. I'm the progressive Trump. What about you, Tommy? Have you got a goal? Have you got something you're going to do? Yeah, I want to practice guitar a bit more,

practice the drums a bit more, started working on another exhibition. Yeah, just stuff like that. Outside of work stuff, just, yeah, just that. Been cooking more. What about, but what are you doing to improve yourself mentally, your mental health? Are you meditating?

Been meditating. Are you doing mind exercise? Yeah, been meditating. Yeah? Yeah. You've been slopping the hog a little bit? I've been slopping the hog a little bit, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You've got to slop the hog. That's good for the mind. You've got to slop the hog. little bit? I've been slopping the hog a little bit, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You've got to slop the hog. That's good for the mind. You've got to slop the hog. Is that meditating? Yeah. Meditating with your dick. Yes.

Oh, nice. Very nice. I don't mind that. Your dad's a famous architect, right, Tommy? It's true. That is something I'm doing to improve myself. My dad's a famous architect. Did he do the Sydney Opera House?

Tommy Lloyd Wright. Have you ever asked him for advice? He gives out a lot of it without needing to be asked. So I've never really been in a position where I've been like, there's not enough advice coming out of this guy. Really? Yeah. You've never had a situation where you're like,

damn, I wonder what dad thinks about this, and you went to ask him? I've asked him more like handyman things. Like I'm not very, this might shock you toman things like i'm not very this might shock you to hear but i'm not very good with uh anything too hands-on so like something in the house that's broken or whatever like something that needs repairing why don't how about this how about this coronavirus season how about you spend this time working on a relationship with your dad how about that i think my relationship with my dad's pretty good but yeah i mean we've been we've been chatting a lot i've been checking in with them every morning it's

pretty nice get up start the day with a little check-in on the folks i think a lot of people are doing okay what about this what about this tommy can you ask him this um now we we had a segment there for for quite a while where we were we found out that your dad had written um pornography yep and we had nick kappa uh read it out and we did quite a few segments of that um now i saw your dad about i don't know three or four months ago i ran into him he came into the the comedy show i was running just to say hello and i was like oh hi and i said um he just got back from hawaii like you had you'd been to hawaii with yep and uh i said to him oh how's hawaii and he said yeah it's great um you know good to go back there yep and uh I said to him oh how was Hawaii and he said yeah it was

great um you know good to go back there after living there you know all those years ago and I think I'd forgotten that or whether I knew that or not I'm not sure but I was like oh right did you used to live in Hawaii he goes yeah I lived there for three years or wherever whatever it'd been I was like oh wow I didn't know that about you that's that's really interesting you know and he's like yeah yeah it's going to be interesting it's all going to be there in uh in the big autobiography I'm writing at the moment I'm like what yeah yeah he's like, yeah, yeah, it's going to be interesting. It's all going to be there in the big autobiography I'm writing at the moment. I'm like, what? Yeah, yeah.

He's been writing an autobiography since I was like eight years old or whatever. This is like a long, long-term project. That's called a diary. That's not an autobiography. Yeah, he's never – I've kind of accepted that nothing will ever happen with it while he's alive. Do you know what I mean? It's going to be the sort of thing where when the time comes

and I'm going through his effects, it'll be like I finally find the folder then and have to get someone to translate his handwriting and then it'll fall on me to edit it and, I don't know, probably self-publish it. Yeah. Right. Can you get some glimpses of the autobiography for us or can you ask your dad what he's got as a working title um just what's what's the highlights what oh i know

what the working title is oh what what is it the working title is having said that oh okay yeah that's that's quite sort of profound like something well i don't know i said to him where's that come from what's the what's of that? And he goes, you know how people always say having said that? And I'm like, yeah, I'm familiar with that. And he's like, yeah, that's it. That's what it references. I win the berry.

I say a lot, one double cheeseburger meal, thanks. But that doesn't mean it should be the title of a book. It's a pretty great title for an autobiography. One double cheeseburger, thanks. He's absolutely be the title of a book like that's just things it's a pretty great title for an autobiography thanks is absolutely absolutely a great title for a book that's an incredible title i would have gone the triple cheese myself but still you know i can respect it yeah right right well not anymore gamey not anymore well can you can you get some glimpses maybe um as a teaser you know before a book comes out a lot of times magazines will serialize an autobiography and have like a little glimpse.

So maybe we can get a bit more of the written word of Mr. Allsop. Yeah. A little bit of having said that, run that through the podcast. Yeah, I'll try and get – I'd probably best if I suggest sections of his life to send through to us. So we could maybe start with the three years that he spent in Hawaii when he was 21. He did a lot of work on the Melbourne Zoo, so we could get some of that down the line.

My sister works at the Melbourne Zoo, so there you go. Your dad, my sister. Really makes you think. having said that what does your sister do at the zoo um i don't know it's a high up position she's a panda wow why don't you why don't you work on your relationship with your sister i think i have a good relationship with my sister she's bringing around some you don't even know what she does you don't know what she does i know i know what she does to do with animal behavior and animal welfare um and i don't even know what she does. You don't even know what she does. I know what she does. It's to do with animal behavior and animal welfare. And I don't know her official job title,

but she oversees the welfare of the animal. Carl, why don't you work in a relationship with your dad? Okay. All right. I'll get on that. I might work on my relationship with Tommy's dad. Yeah, that's cool too. His dad is really cool.

Seems pretty solid to me. He's popping in to see you when he's just walking past your comedy room. Yeah. Well, it was a nice thing because he did that. And then at the end of the conversation, he said, I've got to go back and get my wife now. And I was like, okay, well, that was a nice thing.

But it's also left a bit of a negative thing in my head where it's like, well, Tommy's mum couldn't be fucked coming in and saying hello, but the dad could. So maybe I should work on my relationship with your mum. Yeah. When was this? Were they at your gig or they just were walking past the venue and came in oh they're walking by yeah ah interesting because there was a night that they came to your show and um my dad just left mom sitting in the crowd by herself and then came and was talking to the comedians who'd just been on and milan was there

and milan was just buying my dad shots. And meanwhile, my mom's just sitting in the audience, in the crowd, just by herself. Dad's just left her to go and get pissed at the door of the gig with all the comedians. Great. So I got an idea that we can do to help people here. Yeah. Other than all of you guys smashing your heads on the desk, which would improve things. other than all of you guys smashing your heads on the desk,

which would improve things, I think that you should ask your listeners who run small businesses to send in what their business makes and then you can put it on and then other people, if they need that shit, they can buy it. Oh, I see.

Sorry, I thought you meant what their small business makes in terms of financially. That too. Also, that too. That as well. Financial statements. But let's say, maybe you have some listeners who make soap terms of financially also like that too also that too that as well financial statements but like let's say maybe you have some listeners who make soap or maybe you have listeners who make candles

or maybe you have listeners who make uh deodorant which you guys clearly could use a lot of you know and then you put that there and then and then other people if we need it we can buy it that way you can kind of support small businesses, keep people in the community. Okay. I've got a great idea. If those people with small businesses buy airtime on this podcast and then they can advertise and let everyone know about that

and then that helps this small business, that would be cool. That's cool, but you keep bragging about how much money you're making now and how well you're doing.

Why don't you pass it on? Do I? You want to stop talking about how you're doing? You keep calling the patrons suckers. Like you keep talking about the suckers. And you keep talking about the suckers. And you keep getting defensive when I point out your flaws.

You just point out how successful you are right now. You're in a house with a wife and kid. You're clearly doing very well. Yeah, I'm in a house. Why don't you pass it on? I'm doing pretty well. Why don't you pass it on? I have shelter.

I am doing pretty well for myself these days. Pass it on. Yeah, I will. No, just say no. Just say you don't like the idea. Whatever, man. I'm just trying to help people it's fine

that's why people when they talk about me they say at least Ronnie was trying to help yeah they say Ronnie's trying to help very misguided help

but sure he was trying that's for sure this is what I want to do with my time this is what I'm going to do I should have done this years and years and years ago I'm going to set myself

the goal of learning to speak Thai I'm going to try myself the goal of learning to speak Thai I'm going to try and do my best so that the next time I go to Thailand I can actually speak Thai Hey Carl, could you give us an impression of what it might sound like when you're speaking Thai? Could you sort of do a little

impression of what the goal for the future So you want me to make up some tie at the moment just to give myself a little starting point. Just get the accent and the inflection down before you start doing the actual words. Just to make sure I'm also recording this Skype call. Well, to be fair, so are we.

This is a podcast, Greg. No, but just in case you wanted to edit it out, I've got your... Oh, right. You've got a copy. Very smart. Very smart. Right.

Okay. No, I think... I don't want to blow my load too early with that. I'm not sure if that would help things. That's a good project so that when this is over and you go back there, you can actually have a conversation with your wife and child over there instead of just having to stare blankly at them. What would be a great idea is if we all learned another language

and then came back whenever this lockdown is done and did another episode, all of us doing it in the new language that we've learned. I think that would be – that's a good goal to set. What if we all learned different languages though? Yeah, that's the point. It'll be a multilingual. Why don't you learn a language of good mental health?

What are you going to use to learn it? What are you thinking? Duolingo? I don't even know where to look. Is that a website? It's an app. It's an app. It's a very good app.

It's a very good language learning app. Okay, what's it called again? Duolingo? Duolingo Duolingo Duolingo And tweet at them And try to get some money from them Okay

Okay Greg turn everything to fuck off What's wrong with you? I'm very sorry I forgot Greg this is amateur man I've got it on It's on mute

It won't even vibrate now It won't even vibrate You look amateur You want to be amateur Exactly Well I'm glad you've got that sorted For us to actually sign off this episode now that you've got that. Don't worry.

It's on silent now. It's not again. All right. Well, I think. Was this good? This was terrible. No, this is good. This is good.

What are you talking about? Can you edit out all that stuff? Yeah, we'll get like eight good minutes out of this. Don't tag me. Don't tag me in this either. I can't use this reputation here. This is what you do, Ronnie. You do everyone else's podcast

and you say to everyone on social media, listen to this podcast and then you go on ours and you try and bury it. You don't want anyone to know. I'm so glad you noticed. I'm so glad you noticed. This is like a famous actor

trying to hide away the gay porn he did early in his career don't tag me in this alright well guys we better wrap it up for another week Ronnie Chang Greg Larson

thank you very much for joining us and Skyping in we really appreciate it so Ronnie you've got Ronnie Chang International Student

that's on Australian Netflix so you can go and watch that yeah watch it on Australian Netflix do not watch it on ABC iview don't can go and watch that. Yeah, watch it on Australian Netflix. Do not watch it on ABC iView. Don't give them the hits. Yeah.

If you want to watch it, watch it on Netflix. Don't let ABC get the views. Watch it on Netflix instead. Yeah, watch it on Netflix. I mean, it's okay. I could have done with at least one better writer on it, but yeah, give it a look.

Yep, for sure. Yeah. No, guys, I wish I could have gotten, you know, if we went to season two, I wish I'd gotten everybody involved. Yeah, I bet you do. I bet you do. Greg, you've got the grub? Yeah, we've got the grub.

If you've never heard the grub before, there's 60 episodes out right now, all free. If you are a grub fan, we've got heaps of bonus content on our Patreon. So get into it. Get into it. Support it and have a listen. Yes, support it, Ronnie. Why don't you support Greg?

Why don't you support Greg's art? What's wrong with you? Everyone's on Patreon. We've got episodes. We've got bonus content on Patreon. And we've got episodes out here. We're in Australia, Ronnie. There's no opportunities for comedians in Australia other than Patreon.

This is it now. This is it now. This is it. That's it. That's it. There's only the ABC that make shows and you hate the ABC. So, you know, what are we supposed to do? Yeah, what do we need ABC for?

We need more episodes of Blackadder on repeat. How much fucking Blackadder can they show? ABC Blackadder. Australian Blackadder Corporation. That's what the B's mean. Black Adder. Australian Black Adder Corporation. That's what the B's mean. You gotta play Black Adder every day. The goddamn series has seven episodes a season.

It only went for four seasons. It's 24 episodes only. Somehow managed to make it last for 30 fucking years. Every day. Prime time Black Adder. Oh, here we go. Black Adder, man.

It's not as good as Black Adder. Let's get some Black Adder on. Any show. It's as good as Black Adder. We time Blackadder. Oh, here we go, Blackadder, man. It's not as good as Blackadder. Let's get some Blackadder on. Any show, but it's as good as Blackadder. We have Blackadder. Do we really need any more shows? I mean, we had Blackadder. Ronnie, are you the new head of ABC comedy?

Is this... Dude, I hope so. Put me in there, coach. Yo. Ready to go. Great. Listen, you could get a coin. You could flip a coin

and that coin will make better decisions than the ABC. Yeah. All right? Yeah. I'm starting to think that maybe someone said no to Ronny Chang's second series of International Student at the ABC. No, let's be clear. I didn't say no. It's starting to feel that way.

I didn't say no at all. No, I think someone else said no. I don't think it was in your hands by the sound of it. All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. And they've done it again. They've done it again and they've done it on Skype

out of the room for the first time. Yeah, interesting. So this is a – we've got a kind of a split path here where show-wise they've done it again, but technique-wise they're doing it for the first time. Exciting. And tech-wise you are cleaning up a lot of dog shit for the first time as well, I believe.

I'm doing a lot of… Are you doing God's work? I'm doing God's work, yeah. I do really feel like this is my calling. I feel like I've been sent to a remote island region to teach the natives about God. I've got the Bible under my arm. I've got my hair parted. I've got my nice white shirt tucked in.

Yeah. You're teaching the natives about content and how to do it properly, which is, man, very big of you. To help such savages like us. Yeah, hopefully you've cleaned that all up and everything's good to go and all the bits that Ronnie Chang requested to be edited out are edited out. Yeah, I'm going to have to talk to him about that because I got up to that bit today and I'm going to make a case that it should stay in. Good, good. Sounds good.

I think it sounds funny and I think people will enjoy hearing it. So you know what? If you're listening to this and you're thinking that there's nothing in the ep that really tickled you, well, that's because I spoke to him about it and he told me that it had to come out. I don't know at this point whether he's going to end up giving the all clear for it to come out. I don't know at this point whether he's going to end up giving the all clear for it to stay in.

So address all correspondence to him if you didn't like this episode because God knows it's not for lack of hours from me in the edit suite. Yeah, that would be good. He's got quite a long fuse, Ronnie Chang, so please hit him up and ask as many questions as you can to him. That'd be good. He's only in a hotel room. We didn't really talk about this.

And I think we can talk about this now. We weren't really allowed to talk about it on the episode, but he is in Australia filming something. And since we recorded it, Dennis has come out in the press that he's working on a Marvel movie. So we weren't allowed to talk about that. Is that what he was filming? Yeah, I think so.

Oh, okay. Yeah, right. I didn't know that. Yeah. Yeah, he was doing a superhero movie called Rain Man. Oh, yeah, cool. Yeah, he was using his X-ray vision to count cards, looking through the walls of Crown Casino.

It's arguably the greatest superpower. That would be great. If you're at a dinner party and it gets to that, if you're ever at a dinner party again in the future and it gets to the inevitable, what superpower would you have? People are going x-ray vision, flight. If you just go autism, just being able to get into the casino

and win big would be great. Yeah, and also it's like, oh, what's your kryptonite? My own brain. Oh, cool, you've got your own kryptonite within you. Nice. The train timetable generally takes me out of commission. Train delays, that's my kryptonite. It's nice to live in a world where cancellations don't really exist as far as I'm concerned at the moment.

Louis CK is back there with a new special. Why not make jokes about autism on the pod? You can't kick me out of comedy if there's no comedy. But speaking of which, we did mention this at the top of the episode. We have a rescheduled date for our big 500th episode that was due to take place on April the 25th. Now, I was all gearing up for this in a couple of weeks. Now, I was all gearing up for this in a couple of weeks. You actually just alerted me to this this morning, Carl,

that we've had to do it due to there's a global pandemic happening and due to that we had to move the date. That's right. You don't really watch the news that much. You're more of a gamer. And so you chuck away that rolled up newspaper that hits your door every morning. Whereas I tend to read – I work on like a news TV show. So I deep dived.

Deep dived. Yesterday I was well ahead of the news. I found out yesterday about this whole pandemic sort of thing, doing some deep research. I chuck the newspaper out whereas it gets brought to you every morning by Fido. He brings you the newspaper and your slippers um as you're lying there in bed so that's you get kind of the front row access to this kind of news whereas i'm like a fucking idiot with my thumb up my ass that's it and after i finished reading garfield uh just after the next page just before the classifieds on page

87 there was a correction that i read it was like yesterday we said there was no global pandemic, but sorry, correction, there is one. And that's how I found out. Oh, okay. Right, right. Our bad. Yep. So, yeah, there is one.

What if it was just in the odd spot? Yeah. Someone's done a whoopsie daisy down at the hospital. One billion cunts died in China. How funny is that? Dizzy-daisy down at the hospital. One billion cunts died in China. How funny is that?

But, yeah, we have a new date for the big live 500th episode spectacular. It's now happening Saturday, November the 7th at the Athenaeum Theatre in Melbourne. So, yeah, if you can now make it and you couldn't before, you can head to Ticketek and get across all that kind of stuff. Yep, so Ticketek should be in touch with you with all the official change of dates and all that sort of stuff they're handling. All of that, all correspondence is through to them. So, yeah, great. Nice to have a little goal up ahead of us, something to look forward to.

Nice to have a goal. Nice to have, now that there's something, now that the world has a vested interest in curing this thing and getting through it. You know, I think a lot of the scientists out there were just waiting for the little dum-dum club to reschedule the big 500th episode so they had a date to work towards. That's right.

And now they do. So if they can clear it up by Friday, November the 6th, that would be perfect. If it could wrap up like the morning of Friday the 6th so that we can get to the venue and kind of check it out and do all that kind of stuff, that'd be great. Yeah. Now, I mean, now I have a vested interest as well. Before we had the date, I was sort of just, I was just going out and fucking, you know,

licking the footpath and all sorts of fucking dumb shit. But now that I know that there's something in my life to look forward to and a date to aim at, yeah, I've stopped, you know, sucking off dogs, even though I'm not sure if that has anything to do with the virus. I've stopped going into nursing homes and giving oral pleasure to old women. Okay. Now that we've got that to work towards. How long have you been doing that for?

Once the gig's done, I'll be back. I'll be back and raring to go. That's all as part of your Meals on Wheels service, isn't it? Yes. Just quickly, before we get too far away from it, I can hear people screaming out in the future. Have they kicked a big one, Bernie? Is there any way of telling in this climate?

Look, I'd like to think – what I would say is I've seen the ball come off the boot pretty well and it's gone – it's from a tight angle. So with the naked eye, I'm in a vantage point where it's a bit hard. It looks good off the boot, but I'd be more than happy to go to the video umpire with this one. I'd be happy to go to VAR. Right, yeah, because this is a tricky one because the internet is bad at your house.

You had a pretty bad connection over Skype. So I think there may have been a bit of a lag. You may have been seeing it come off the boot well after it had actually come off the boot. That's it. And it feels like it was a very high kick. So it's hard to sort of line up the goalposts and the ball in that situation. So hopefully it was – it looked big to me. Looked big.

Yeah. But we'll see. Well, we'll see. We'll see. Once the replay comes out of the 15 hours it's going to have to spend in the edit suite. Only then will we truly know whether or not they've kicked a big one. Yeah, yeah. I'm happy to leave this with the listeners, this one, because I'd like...

Don't say that. That'd be good in sport if you could do that, whereas the umpire just goes, ah, crowd, what do you reckon? All right, let's get the clapometer out. Who reckons it went in? It's only... I mean, this is how we do elections.

You know, why can't we do sports like this? Oh, you think it should be ballot style, so it's like everyone leave your seats just next to where you're getting your hot dog. We're going to have a little ballot box and you tick in or out. And we'll just take a couple of hours to panel them up and then we'll resume play. Some postal votes of people that weren't even there to see it. Couldn't make the game.

And this happens like eight minutes into quarter one. Yeah, great. No stakes yet. Great. Speaking of Skype, this is, you know, we're in a new world at the moment. You're on, we've both joined House Party. Yeah. So that's a little app that everyone seems to be using at the moment,

a little video app. What I was just telling you just then, I have used it once. I basically used it once and then I just telling you just then i i have used it once i basically used it once and i just i've sort of just left it on and didn't mean to leave it on it didn't realize i left it on and had the screen buried right down deep on the screen uh underneath everything else i was working with and just before i was working i walked away from my laptop and all i could hear was carl chandler, Chandler. And I was like, what the fuck is going on?

Who's yelling at me? Like my house is empty. And then I walk past my laptop and there's like this tiny like eyeball in the bottom corner of my screen and it's Limo yelling at me. He's just seen me online and like added himself to this video chat without me knowing. And it's just him in a park picking up after his dog picking up like with a bag full of dog shit yelling chandler at me and me going what the fuck's going on so um so house party is like you don't need to have um you don't need to have

accepted his call no i think it's well from what i've learned today is you i've accepted like look here's the other thing about house party, um, that when you first join it, you, it says, Oh, can we have access to your whole,

um, address book? And, and I go, no, but obviously a lot of other people say yes, because what I've found has happened in hindsight, maybe I think this is what's happened is heaps of fucking idiots out here that

listen to this podcast that have noted my phone number down at some point. As as they join house party they go yeah use my address book they've all got my fucking number saved so i just get this flurry of listeners trying to request me on fucking house party because i'm in their address book it's a pretty it's got that brutal thing of like yeah just suggesting anyone who's vaguely linked to people that you've added right so it's now it's trying to get me to it's trying to get me to add your wife on there. Great, great. Yeah, well. Which is just a funny, it's like, hey, you got this guy, you know what you'd like?

The miso. Yeah, yeah. That's going to cause some fucking relationship problems. Why are you talking to, but it was House Party's idea, it wasn't my idea. Yep, yep. Why are you talking to this? But it was House Party's idea. It wasn't my idea. Yeah. So, no, I think once I accepted, you know, Limo's name come up and I didn't understand, like, I was like, is he personally requesting this or not? You know, maybe I should accept it.

I think it was an automatic thing. And then just because I automatically accepted it like a week ago, now it's like, oh, he can just pop up on your screen whenever the fuck he wants apparently. Yeah. It's weird. It's also weird for him to be doing that while he's at the park. Like, you know, everyone's getting into all the video chats and stuff.

And, you know, I've had friends kind of, you know, schedule online hangouts to sort of get over the boredom and everything like that. I kind of understand doing it when you're at home. But doing it when you're at the park? Yeah. Like, you're already out of the house. Like, you're picking up dog shit. You've got outside stimuli. You don't need to be doing a video chat.

Like save this for when it's like 8 p.m. in a week's time. You've burnt through a lot of stuff on Netflix. You're getting super bored. It's like let's do a video chat. I will defend Limo with this point. I believe from his social media, I believe his wife's uh isolating without him for some reason so i think he's oh right i think he is um in his house by himself

so i think that's that's the deal what about like someone someone just trying to use that branding and those terms that we're all so familiar with, but in like a year's time, just like, yeah, you know, the wife's just, yeah, she's just been doing a bit of self-isolating. It's like coronavirus ended six months ago. Are you getting divorced? Oh, look, yeah, that's one way of looking at it. But, you know, it's sort of more health concerns than anything else. Yeah, it's like, okay, is this a precedent?

So like in a year's time it's like, oh, there's a bit of chicken pox going around, so I've moved out of the house for six months and my wife can raise our child. Okay, yeah, all right, I guess this happened once before. Okay. Yeah, whoops, sorry, darling, got diarrhea. Better check into the Hilton for a couple of weeks. Sorry, darling, got diarrhea. Better check into the Hilton for a couple of weeks.

But, yeah, I hope everyone's doing okay with everything at the moment. Thank you to everyone who's been hitting us up either through the pages or direct to our personal accounts to say they're enjoying the pod and enjoying the mountains of extra content that we're in the midst of pumping out every week. Yeah, that's worth saying. As we speak, we've offered more and more content, especially for people in this point in history who are stuck inside a bit more. If you sign up to our Patreon account,

patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub, right as we speak, we are pumping out a thing we're calling Content Palooza, 12 Days of Content. So it's different bits, good extended big chunks of content every day for 12 straight days. That's all gettable if you sign up after those 12 days as well. But, yeah, just basically there's so much of our bullshit that we're putting out at the

moment. If you, if you're bored, if you want more of what you're hearing at the moment, there's heaps out there. If you want to join up. Yeah. Yeah.

All sorts of extra stuff, uh, from us. And, yeah, you can get that by heading to patreon.com slash little dumb, dumb club. Um,

and as part of that, of course, you know, yeah, you are getting 12 days worth of extra content, but, um um more importantly you're currently in the running to have your name read out on this segment of the podcast talking dum-dum that's right uh the the most prestigious segment the most prestigious segment in podcasting i think it's fair to say in in, in this world or the old world or any kind of future upcoming worlds.

That's right. Coming out of this world, it will be even more so. But the unplanned title alternator is a piece of machinery that is responsible for this segment. Of course, anyone who signs up goes into the running of getting their name read out completely at random thanks to a bit of technology here. Of course, I'm just putting on the rubber gloves now because to hit the big red button is a bit of a danger in these modern times. So even though I'm the only person to touch the button at any stage.

You can never be too safe. Yeah, that's right. the button at any stage. You can never be too safe. Yeah, that's right. I'm glad to hear that it is still there with you because I was wondering if the unplanned title alternator, would it self be self-isolating? Oh, right. And we'd have it Skyping in from a third location every week

from here on out. But who knows? Maybe that's a thread for down the line. Who knows? Yeah, who knows? Maybe that's a thread for down the line. Who knows? Yeah, who knows? Who knows? You could be Nostradamus on a very quiet week down the track there, Tommy Dassler.

Who knows? At the moment, I've got a rubber glove on a stick. It's a 1.5-meter stick, and I'm pushing the button from that far away at the moment. So that's how I'm doing it. And look, that's enough of a novelty for now. But who knows how long we're going to be in this position for. Down the line, things might change. That's all I'm saying.

And also, every name that I read out, we're deliberately having at least one and a half minutes in between the names that we're reading out. So I feel like that's safe as well. Yep. Are you washing each name for the length of time that it takes you to sing Happy Birthday? Yeah, yeah. I'm singing Bohemian Rhapsody as I'm washing my hands. Right, okay. Great.

I couldn't be safer. Yeah. Well, should we fire it up and should we get into the first name for this week? Absolutely, absolutely. Look, there's a heap of new subscribers. So, yeah, at some stage, maybe not today, but at some stage we, you know,

because sometimes we read out maybe one name and sometimes we read out maybe 100 names. So maybe at some stage we're going to have to well you know because sometimes we we we read out maybe one name and sometimes we read out maybe 100 names so yeah maybe at some stage we're going to have to to you know make sure that we read at least upwards of four from now on or something like we can't get away with those weeks where we decide to read no names or half yeah yeah well i also i mean we've got more names to get through and also you, we have much less on. You know, we're begging for things to kill the time. So I can't think of, yeah, I can't think of a better way to while away the days in isolation

than just to read names until the cows come home. Well, either that or maybe we just specialize in these times until the virus is gone. We just read longer names okay yeah yeah read out middle names as well maybe yeah okay yep uh okay right here we go uh just give me a second because it's uh you know it's it's tricky to get this wooden stick and you know it's it's far away no actually you know from a meter and a half it's hard to read the console. To anyone, I can verify. I've got the Skype window open. I can.

This is a video chat. It's not just a voice chat for the listeners at home. I can assure you that Carl is doing the correct and responsible thing. He's properly sterilized, so you don't – he's leading by example here, okay? You don't need to worry about him acting inappropriately at the moment that's it i'm doing this in a in whilst i'm submerged in a very hot bath as well so uh everything everything's as clean as can be and uh and that's why i insisted on on tommy having a video on me while i do this but um thank you very much to patreon subscriber number one cab off the rank this week, Tim Maudsley.

Tim Maudsley? Maudsley. Tim Maudsley. Maudsley. Yeah, what do you think about that as a name? M-A-W-D-S-L-E-Y. Well, just quickly before we get to the name, I have to wonder, like, at the moment, is it somewhat insensitive to be saying first cab off the rank? Because I just worry that that might, you know, catching a cab was such an old world pre-pandemic thing. You know, is that kind of reminding any listeners, God, I used to love getting in a cab and getting into an argument with the driver about the fact that he was going the wrong way?

Yeah, that's the one thing that people are missing. Yellow cars. Is there cabs on the road at all anymore? I don't even know. I assume you can still get Ubers and stuff. As far as I know, they're not off. I think they're still running, I guess. Yeah.

I suppose. Because what do you think would be worse? Let's say you were in a position where you had to go to, like you couldn't do your work from home and you had to go into some form of workplace. What do you think is more of a risk, getting an Uber or getting public transport? Yeah, look, that's a good question.

I have, oh God, because I keep seeing trams at the front of my house and thinking, fuck, why is anyone getting on one of them? But then, yeah, how are you getting anywhere? I'm not sure. Some people don't have a choice, yeah. Yeah, exactly. I mean, I feel like public transport already potentially pretty dirty even before all this. Yeah.

And if it happens to be crowded enough, that's not great. But then an Uber, if that guy has it, you're in his car for 20 minutes. You're definitely getting it. Well, so trams, I mean, I see trams go by and they're pretty empty. Does that mean they're just absolutely being overtaken by the crazy people on the tram? Because they're the people that don't give a fuck. So everyone else is like, you know, you get on a tram and there's like 12 people and then one crazy person. Well, those 12 people aren't there anymore.

It's just one crazy person riding the tram. Do you think the crazy person still is though or are they off it because they don't have an audience now? Oh. They're just in their lounge room live streaming being crazy on the internet. Yeah, maybe. So Tim Maudsley. Tim Maudsley. So there is a D in there?

Maudsley? Yeah, Maudsley. Okay. M-A-W-D-S-L-E-Y. Now, I am pretty sure that this guy is from Meriborough. Ah, interesting. What makes you say that? I'm just – Maudsley's were – the Maudsley's were from Meriborough

and I'm pretty sure I've got a memory of either having something to do with this guy or – I'm pretty sure he went to the same school as me. Ah. Because there's a few people like this. There's a few people that I've very, very, very vaguely known That have come up to me since That have gone to like Maribor High or Maribor Tech or whatever it is And then gone, oh yeah, I listen to you guys now or whatever

So I'm pretty sure Tim is one of those guys Do you think the podcast is being put in the alumni newsletter that gets sent out? I wish. That would be fucking awesome. Like, yeah, but we never had one of them. Like, we didn't have a school reunion. We never had one of those newsletters. Do you still get one of those ones, the newsletters from the school?

I do. I never open it, though. I should open it just to see if they're – I think – well, no, they wouldn't be writing about me because I think you have to let think you have to let them know what you're up to, right? They're not keeping tabs on you. So I don't know. I think it's – I should email them and say, stop sending these to me. It's a waste of fucking trees because I'm never looking.

It's a strange thing to me to give a fuck about what's currently happening at the school that you used to go to. Yeah. Is that just me? I don't know. I've never had that happen. I've never had a newsletter or anything like that. So I think I'd be vaguely interested in what people that I went to school with are up to

maybe, like some of them. But I mean, I guess that's what Facebook's for these days anyway. So, I don't know. Yeah. That being, all of that being said, one of the first, one of the very, very early cases of coronavirus in Victoria was a teacher at my old school. Oh, wow.

Not someone that I had, like not a teacher that I had when I was there, but just like, you know, they didn't name the person, but they were like. Oh, so you know you don't have it then because he wasn't your teacher way back then. Yeah, yeah. Right. Okay. Yeah, he did get it back in 2003 and it's been a very long incubation period for him. So I think, yeah, it could have been a big risk.

Wow. What did he teach? What did he teach? What did he teach? Yeah. He taught one-on-one coughing on each other. Oh, wow. Okay.

I can see why it spread. Okay, I get it now. Look at that. No comedy festival on, but the tools have not been blunted at all. But I did. I saw my old school being in the news early on as an early case of coronavirus. And it did, there was like a strange little part of pride in myself that I didn't know I had that was just kind of stoked to see my old high school in the news.

Yeah, great. And it sort of sickened me a little bit. I was like, oh, I didn't think I was that kind of person that gave a fuck about that kind of stuff. But yeah, here I am. Yeah. I've got the same. Well, yeah, here I am. Yeah. I've got the same – well, no, my old school was knocked down. So there's only – there's one super school, as it were, in Maryborough now

that you've got to sort of feel a little bit of fondness for even though you never went to it because it's like the equivalency. I see what you're saying, the Maryborough school. Yeah, that's weird. So it's technically I went to school in Maryborough, so I see what you're saying. The Maryborough School. Yeah, that's weird. So it's technically I went to school in Maryborough, so I guess this is my school. Yeah, yeah, that's it. School built on the site of the Maryborough tip.

They used to dump garbage on. And now it's a different sort of garbage. It's garbage human beings that are on that site now. Very nice. Garbage human beings yes yes very nice so very nice garbage human beings like old timmy who's uh chucking us money that's it mordo um so thanks thanks mordo if if that is you and if it isn't um you're welcome for inventing an absolutely fake history for you yeah you just tell people that if you if you're ever wanting to do if you're ever wanting to trade places with someone steal someone's identity there's a there's an easy one if you're ever wanting to trade places with someone,

steal someone's identity, there's an easy one. If you want to relocate, you could just move out there and pretend to be this guy. Yeah, and he's looking at the hole in the bank balance where a bunch of money used to be, and he's waited for months and months for his name to pop up, and then what we've come up with is he sounds like someone who went to Miraburra once, but isn't him. Incredible.

Thanks, Mordo. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Daniel Watkins. Daniel Watkins? What is he? If you had to pick a name of someone that you went to school with that's closest to Daniel Watkins, what would it be? Richard Watson. That's not bad. Yeah, that's pretty close, isn't it?

Yeah, I like it. I mean, I didn't even have to think about it. It just popped into the head immediately. Yeah, it's great. Yeah. I like it. That can be his new name. Richard.

Thanks, Richard Watkins. Thanks Richard Watson. Daniel, this cunt sounds like a detective to me. An old British detective, don't you think? Watkins, I presume. Is that what you're going with there? Yeah, maybe that's what I'm thinking of. It is a very English name though, Watkins. It does sound... Watkins, yeah. If you were travelling in America and you met someone called Watkins it does sound if you

were travelling in America and you met someone called Watkins you'd be like something is this witness relocation what's going on here what's the closest named person that you went to school with to Daniel Watkins

is it just like Dale cunt fuck um daniel watkins is it just like dale just like dale cunt um fuck uh yeah what's a dale daniel daniel i'm not sure if there's anything there's nothing that rolls off the tongue as smoothly as what you had uh yeah daniel there's a guy called daniel clark that um i went to school with with that came around to my house a couple of times. My parents were very worried about him coming around to my house when I was a kid. Really? In hindsight, good for them and not me because this kid was just a fucking thief.

And his dad was name-checked in the chopper books a few times. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah. I had that experience a couple of times, like becoming friends with a kid at school that was just like clearly no good. And my parents would never be like, don't hang out with him, but they'd clear – like, yeah, a couple of times I'd – I ended up being friends with a lot of kids in high school

that were really into like making homemade explosives. You know, like just like early internet stuff where like I'd have this, like this happened to me three times in a row. Or is this like someone I'd recently become friends with? It was like, yo, I found this like Anarchist website and they've got like, they've got like a thing on there about like just how to make TNT just with stuff that you find in the shops. about just how to make TNT just with stuff that you find in the shops. And the third time it happened, I was like, why is this character trait something that I'm subconsciously drawn to in people without realising? And it's like months into friendship.

It's like, oh, fuck, another one that's into explosives? Jesus Christ. I think this kid to me was one of the number of kids that would come and visit and just have no shoes. Yeah, right. That would be a problem for mum and dad. Why has this kid been walking through Maribor and then decides to walk into our house? Fucking hell.

Why has this kid got a brand new BMX bike that's clearly been stolen from somewhere? Why can't their parents fucking steal him some sneakers instead we had a yeah i had a friend who every time he came around to my house and like we would be leaving like i guess i'd go with my parents to drop him home or whatever and he would be the last one out of the house and every time he would just leave our front door and our gate just wide open yeah and like my parents are always obsessed like what the fuck's going on in that house like has this guy never closed his fucking life literally it was that yeah yeah yeah um was he uh see this this kid to me he was one of those uh few where did

you cop many of these when you went to school and then with these guys and then once they got out of school, they just reinvented themselves and they were just like completely different? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've got a few people like that from school. Yeah, university being the chance to be like a great people treat as a real cleanser. But, you know, I think it's a lot harder to do that now because it's like there's always going to be one or even if you even if you kind of distance yourself from like the people that you knew in high school, social media means that there's always going to be ways that people can track you down and be like, yeah, I know the truth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was a bit harder. Like I had a few of them with high school where like, I mean, for example, this guy, this guy's probably going around to people's houses wearing shoes now trying to pretend he wasn't that fucking cunt back in the day.

But complete, complete shift of personality. Sick if not, though, if he's committing to that as an adult, that's so impressive. Yeah, yeah. Just a 40-year-old still turning up with no shoes on. Nice. But, yeah, few people. Man, there was this guy once that I knew that he was a real fucking dork in high school and then he reinvented himself as some cool guy. Once he got to uni, he basically didn't have any – he ditched all his friends or probably they ditched him or he didn't have many to start with.

But he had no old friends from high school and just went straight into uni and then decided he was going to be this cool guy and then i saw him on a tram once and i went oh and i got along with him okay so i waved at him and he sort of gave me very little and then i was like what the fuck so i like knocked on the window and he had friends around him and they were like looking at me going what what do you want and i'm going and i'm pointing at the guy going this guy tell me tell this guy and then the guy looked at me and i'm waving and then the and the guy just mimed out like oh i don't know who this guy is i was like cunt i was at school with you 18 months ago you fucking idiot yeah great absolutely wiped me and i was like it just infuriated me so much because the tram takes off.

And I'm like nearly chasing it going, cunt, you were the fucking dork at high school, not me. Don't fucking wipe me like this. I love everything about this. I love how angry it made you. I love the commitment from him. Like, it's just so, just so perfect. Man, this is 20 years ago and I'm not over it. It's so funny to think about trying to be cool now

and him in his head thinking that an immediate acknowledgement of you is going to make him instantly uncool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like the friends that he's with are going to be like, wait, you know that guy? That's not the kind of guy that a cool person would know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You said the only person you know is the Fonz.

That is not the Fonz. Yeah, there's a guy that I went to school with who's in an Australian rock band now and is a cool rock and roll guy. And he was like in the classical classical music bands and stuff in high school and it's just very funny to me that he's uh that he's up there prancing around with his cool rock and roll band it's like can't you went to china to play classical music when we were in year 11 like you know you're not fooling me with your long hair and your fucking RM Williams.

What did he play in the classical band? I don't know. And I mean, it makes sense that he's in a band and the band's successful because he's very musically talented. I think he played a bunch of things. Super dork. Kind of makes sense. He's in the band Kingswood. Do you know them?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I went to it kind of makes sense. He's in the band Kingswood. Do you know them? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I went to school with the two main dudes in that. I went to school with the main guy out of Kingswood Country, the TV. Oh, wow. Cool, cool. Yeah, yeah. Ted Bullpit. I went to school with him.

Oh, right. He was actually really cool in school and he changed when he left. Right. I'm a bit younger than you, so I'm only familiar with the Electro Side Project bull pit explanation, Mark. Thanks, Daniel. Fuck, that's so obscure. Thanks, Daniel.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber Mark Walker. Mark Walker. Mark Walker. Mark Walker. Yeah. What's the story? I was tempted to pronounce Walker because, I mean, isn't it weird that you just call it walk and it's like it's walk written down. Mark Walker.

Who's the – have you ever told this on the pod? Maybe it's not that good of a story and I'm misremembering it, but the guy that you used to work with that announced to, what was the story? He announced to the office once that he was going for a walk and then everyone in your office bullied him about it for like months afterwards. I believe that is a guy that listens to this show still. Is it really? Incredible. And he'll let us know about it, I'm sure. But we photoshopped, for some reason we photoshopped a heap of pictures of him just walking places.

Oh, nothing better. Nothing better than a harmless throwaway comment. Just a perfectly reasonable activity being dragged for months on end for it. Yeah, just turning it into things like, you know, I'm going to go to lunch now. Oh, yeah, how are you getting there? Walking? Sucks shit.

Wasn't there some part of it where it was like the Yellow Pages, the slogan at the time, was it like, let your fingers do the walking or something like that? And you're telling me you did like a great piece of Photoshop job using the Yellow Pages logo of like like the two little the little hand doing the little walking symbol i mean so much scope yeah i think maybe that's mixing up or maybe it's different but there was there was that but then there was another guy that we worked with that that fuck what was it he was

just posing he was just in the background i think of a of some shots that we were doing of something and he was like slightly walking funnily and then for an entire day at work we've everyone in the office just photoshopped him in different things like turned him into the yellow paces oh yeah okay turned him into walking in a in a in a nazi, turned him into... Wow, huge, huge escalation between those two. Turned him into, the way his legs were apart, turned him into some nunchucks that ninjas were throwing at people and stuff. It was, yeah, it was a full day. I've conflated two separate incidences of bullying in the same workplace.

Yeah, it's, we had a few days that were completely wiped out by someone having a particularly cunty way of spending a few hours there was i've talked before about us just prank calling an 80 year old journalist with arnold schwarzenegger soundboard calls for an entire day and so we had to have a we had to have an office meeting about the the next day that boiled down to stop bringing Jim and pretending to be Arnold Schwarzenegger. Well, I dare say this guy, what was the first name? Mark.

Mark. Mark Walker. I dare say, you know, he's probably heard them all back in the day. He's probably... Back when he was working on the original Fast and the Furious film. You probably heard a lot of him back then. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As a stunt double for his brother, you mean? Yeah, sure.

Rest in peace. Rest in peace. Yeah, I imagine. That is a big call. That is a big call, isn't it? Just a massive tribute to say about someone. Rest in peace. Very big of me to wish that your body isn't dug up

and fucked around with. Like, no, no, no, just from the heart, I hope that that doesn't happen to you. I hope that you stay dead in the ground. Well, what I'm thinking about is the ancestry of this man because I've been doing a lot of, having a lot more time on my hands now in isolation, so I've been doing a lot more reading and learning a lot of, having a lot more time on my hands now in isolation. So I've been doing a lot more reading and, you know, learning a lot of stuff culturally

about the world and how people's surnames are often derived from what their family did. Ah, right. What their forefathers did. I see. As you were learning that, I was keeping up with world events and politics. That's why I knew about the virus. Ah, right, right, right. I've been self-isol events and politics. That's why I knew about the virus. Right, right, right. I've been self-isolating for years.

Okay. But so in that instance, given that fact about human history, it's like what a just brutal endorsement of this man's forefathers, the walkers. That's the – what kind of lazy, do-nothing, kind of unproductive members of society are we talking about when they're named after just, ah, just going for a stroll? That's all they ever did.

That's all they contributed to society. Well, maybe it says more about everyone else. Like, they were the walkers. Everyone else was the fucking sitter around us with their thumbs up their asses. They were the actually only active ones at that time. They were the first people to walk out of the primordial ooze. Okay, interesting. They're the fish that jumped on the beach and went,

let's go for a fucking stroll, honey. Yeah, interesting. Okay, so you're saying that this guy's ancestors date back to the cavemen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This guy's great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great uncle is a fucking trout. Ah, okay, right. That got a bit, that needed to stretch his legs one day and went,

fucking let's go. So you're saying, so the first surname is Walker, and then it's probably just that for a while, and then the next surname that comes along is Wheel. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then there's sort of nothing else for a long time. That was Adam Walker. That was his surname way back in the day.

Okay, right. Right. Good stuff. Yeah. Thanks, Mark. Thanks, Mark. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Glenn Petrovsky. Petrovsky.

I like it. Yeah. I like it. There's a real – I think it's pretty jarring. It's definitely interesting. Exactly. I was about to say that.

Yeah, you're open with Glenn. You're certainly not expecting Petrovsky to be following it up. Exactly. That's waiting behind the door to fucking whack you over the head. That's a real surprise. Yeah. I don't even know. I mean, Glenn is English, I presume.

Glenn's such like... I mean, no offence, Glenn, but Glenn is maybe a name. If you had to think of some absolute dead shit, you'd probably name him Glenn, like a character. Probably, yeah. It's more of a sound than a name. Yeah. It doesn't seem to really denote anything. It's like a name that you've... It's like a noise that you've made by accident.

Right. There's no historically great Glenns, I don't think, is there? Well, friend of the show, Glenn Robbins. Oh, yeah, Glenn. He's done that name a real service over the years, actually. You're right. But he's two Ns, though, isn't he? So maybe we're talking about a different category of Glenn.

Yeah, no, that's correct. I'm looking up famous Glenns. Glenn Campbell is about the most famous Glenn with one N that there is, I think. Well, what about Glenn Close? Then we're getting into two Ns, two Ns. A whole different terrain.

Oh, okay. Yep. Yep. Yep. There's Glenn Waverley. That's about it. Yeah.

Yeah. Duh, name. Sorry, Glenn. Yeah. But I don't mind it. Paired with,

this is the thing, if you've got the name Glenn, you better hope to hell you've got something like Petrovsky in the mix as well. Yeah. Well, I mean, obviously the Petrovsky family were like, you better hope to hell you've got something like Petrovsky in the mix as well. Yeah. Well, I mean, obviously the Petrovsky family were like, you know, it's sounding pretty foreign, pretty ethnic in the schoolyards. We better give the kid a nice Aussie name.

Help him out. You know, we've got a lot going on in the last name. Let's give him an absolute white bread, very clean six out of ten name. Sensible. Smart thinking. Yeah. I mean, if we were talking about the guy from before, if we were talking about Glenn Walker.

Yeah. Disaster. Absolute disaster. Yeah. Is Petrovsky, it's Russian, right? I guess so. I guess so. I guess so. I, I, I don't know.

Um, you know what? I'm going to, I'm going to go to the, I'm going to go to the bat signal. I'm going to go to Facebook. I'm going to look this guy up. You're a, you're a, you're a big vodka drinker, aren't you? Vodka is your spirit of choice? Uh, it is at the moment. Yeah.

It has been for a few years. I got a recipe – I saw a recipe the other day for a pasta sauce with vodka in it. So I think I'm going to buy some tomorrow and whip that up, whip up a little Napoli sauce, throw some vodka in there. No Glenn Petrovsky on Facebook, which is – it immediately makes me doubt that this person exists because you go, I'm one of those people that's like, if I met someone that's not on Facebook, I'd go, how come? Why aren't you, I don't get it.

Yeah. Well, is this going to be a thing where, this has happened a handful of times where someone sneaks in some fucking, they put their name in as some like bullshit, like a character from an anime or something that, you know, obviously not gonna know what it is and then it's like and we're going oh yeah imagine oh yeah imagine being called goku that's a weird name and we bloody riff on that for 15 minutes and then our whole week is just getting tweets and facebook posts going oh you idiot didn't you know it's uh this from episode 11 of Neon Genesis?

Yeah, good one, boys. So if this is, you know, if Glenn Petrovsky is a character from fucking Digimon or something and we're just going to have to spend our whole week hearing about this, I'm going to be ropeable. He sounds like it. He sounds very Digimon to me. That sounds like a classic character from that show, whatever the fuck it is. Yeah. Well, thanks, Glenn.

Hope you exist. Well, he's not on Facebook, so we're never going to hear from him. We're not going to get our classic weekly post of someone going, yeah, that's me. Yeah, that's – look, we're not shuls for Facebook, but I just sort of don't understand why you're not on it. So just let us know what's going on there. I'm genuinely curious what's the fucking story, Petro?

I'm jealous of anyone who's not on it and never been on it and never known life with it, and if you've made it this far, you're never going to be on it. And that is something, that is a source of great jealousy for me and you in that position. That is something – that is a source of great jealousy for me and you in that position. You told me once that – this is years ago, but you were seeing a girl, an attractive girl, who was not on Facebook and had never been on it. And I remember you telling me very briefly about her

and just sort of saying, yeah, and she's not on Facebook. And I said that to her like it's a bit curious or whatever. And she was like, oh, so should I get on it? What's it like? And this is like, not, you know, a few years ago, but not like years and years ago. Oh, yeah, I know who you're talking about. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Like, that's so curious to be like, oh, what, you know, like, this is like, what, four years ago or something like that? I was like, oh, what's it like? Something like that. Yeah. Yeah. And she, you know, she's like, I think she was like my age. Yeah, that was, I'd forgotten about that.

That was very, it was, yeah, very, very strange. Very. Yeah. Do you think she wasn't real? Do you think that that wasn't a real person at all? That was Glenn Petrovsky dressed up. Oh, right. I was dating a hologram. Yeah. think that uh that wasn't a real person at all this was that was glenn petrovsky dressed oh right i was dating a hologram yeah and also when i looked up glenn petrovsky there was no glenn

petrovsky but there was a glenda petrovsky so maybe maybe glenn petrovsky is actually a girl and it was that girl that you dated four years ago oh yeah okay so if that's the if that's the case, can I ask you this, Tommy? Does Glenda Petrovsky go off in the sack? Well, yes, if that is the case. Given that you met this woman, and I think I know, I think this is who you're thinking of, does Glenda Petrovsky sound like a particularly Indian name to you? Yes, it does. Yes.

Oh, damn. Glenda is a very, that's a very Bombay name. Yes. I think it's from Bombay. Right, right. Okay, okay. Well, yeah, that's shown me for the uncultured swine that I truly am. Yeah, yeah.

So I think no more correspondence needs to be entered into. All right, well, that wraps up another edition of Tommy's Past Conquest Corner. Oh, I'd love to make that a thing. That would be great. Some looks back in the past at some all-time Tommy girlfriends. Some all-time greatest hits. Yeah, that'd be great. She'll be back and the rest of them.

The gang, the usual gang of idiots. R.I.P. Mort Drucker. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we've got to pull one out for the goat. Great. I was actually just looking through the other day at the hard copy best of the Patreon magazine that we put together, including our Mad Magazine parody that we got friend of the show, Jason Chatfield, to illustrate for us in the style of the great Mark Drucker. R.I.P. R.I.P.

Yeah. Yeah. So, more Drucker, the best artist for Mad Magazine died the day that we're recording this. Very sad news. Yeah, yeah more druggaboy. The best artist for Mad Magazine died the day that we're recording this. Very sad news. Yeah, yeah, very sad. Very, very sad. All right, so let's do – we've already done more than usual,

so let's just do one more. Better wrap it up. It's getting near dinner time. Yep. We'll do one more. I can hear my child screaming in the background. All right. This is the one, two, three, four, five, fifth for this week.

Let's finish off on an odd number for a change. Let's go. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Fatima Comedy. Oh, wow. Fatima Comedy. Man, wow. Fatima Comedy. Man, that's an Indian. Hang on. This might be your Indian girlfriend. Maybe I've mixed things up.

Is that an Indian name? Well, according to Google, five seconds ago it was. What's up? All right. Your Honor, I withdraw my objection. It was either that or Prisha, so I've never even fucking heard of that. Oh, yeah, Fatima Comedy, I remember, absolute. Went off in the sack. Oh, my God, that's cool.

Went off like a frog in a sock. Just really, really great stuff. Went off like a curry in the sun. I love it. That's great. Yeah, yeah. Oh, man, I remember, ironically enough, the night that I first laid eyes on her,

within a mere couple of hours, we were banging like a dunny door on curry night. Oh, you know what? Here's my little – here's what I'm going to do tomorrow night. I've decided tomorrow night is takeaway night. Yeah. Man, this is – we've talked very, very vaguely about this before, but, you know, like shops that do more than one thing and how dodgy they are. Like there's a restaurant that's up near my in-laws

that does pizza and Indian. Great. And it is fucking great. Is it really? Do they merge them at all? Do they do an Indian style pizza? Great. Yes.

Okay, that's – you know what? If you're doing the multiple cuisines, you know, we've talked about how it's dodgy. I can get down with it if they if they're doing it if they're bringing them together for one dish i'm okay with it then yep yep yep no this is this is great and i was just talking about it to uh don't say her name just before and she was like is hang on is this this place that you keep talking to me about every every year or so this is the place that we went to once 10 years ago, isn't it?

And I was like, yes. She's like, why don't you just fucking go there instead of talking to me once a year about it? I'm like, okay. Why once a year? Why does it only ever come up once a year? I don't know. I just like every now and then I'll remember it.

Oh, you're right. I thought you meant it's like you have it. The first thing you do every time you buy a new calendar is write in April 10th. Bring up this pizza place. Yeah, no. But she's like, you keep banging on about it. We went through it 10 years ago.

Either get over it or just go back there. I'm like, fuck yeah, you're right. I'm going to go back there. I'm not going to get over this. And you know they're open? They're definitely open? Well, I asked her and she said, I'm pretty sure they are. So I better, and she knew the name of it.

I've fucking got no idea. So I'm going to look knew the name of it. I've fucking got no idea. So I'm going to look it up and confirm, but she reckons it's open. So I'm going to go in for a curry and a pizza. Get the big double. Oh, baby. Yeah, I'm going to go and get a takeaway roast tonight. Oh, where from? From a place called Neighborhood Wine in Carlton.

They're doing like their menu takeaway only. I'm going and getting way too much so that I got a couple of little meals for the weekend. Nice. I thought you might have been going to the Roast Kitchen in High Street Q because it's one of those, just like when you're a kid and you used to look at the same video covers every week in the video shop and never hide them out but always go, wow, what would that be like? This is like one of my retail equivalents.

Oh, yeah, okay. This roast kitchen. I used to drive past all the time in queue and just go, one day I'm going to go in there and I've never been in there. Now's the time. Support the small business. Support the kitchen. All right, we'd better wrap it up for another week.

Thanks, Fatima Comedy, and thanks everyone who has supported the Little Dum Dum Club Patreon over the years, whether it be long-term or just recently. We really appreciate everyone who's gotten on board in the last month or so. There's been a huge swell of subscribers, and we really, really appreciate it. We've personally had a huge swell off the back of it as well once we saw those extra dollars coming in.

Yeah, well, I mean, once I saw Fatima's name pop up on the subscriber page, it reminded me of the good old times. It gave you a bit of a Fatima. I get it. I get it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, thanks, guys.

Head to patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. You can get – we're in the midst of churning out heaps and heaps of extra content two extra little mini episodes a week and all sorts of other stuff as well thank you very much

for listening get on the social medias to see more details all that sort of stuff but thanks for having us thanks for listening and we'll see you next time see ya man

see ya man I went too early with the