The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 499 - Guy Montgomery & Adam Knox

Episode Date: April 29, 2020

We've gotten into the remote recording groove this week thanks to the pro talents of GUY MONTGOMERY and ADAM KNOX! Chandler recounts his disastrous gig on a plane, Guy's run a marathon, Tommy's made too many online purchases and Knox is starting to go insane. Plus a lengthy discussion about the future of Liverpool's potential Premier League victory. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dum Dum Club, a brand new episode with guests Adam Knox and Guy Montgomery. The Little Dum Dum Club is on Patreon. If you would like to support us and get a whole bunch of extra bonus content, you can, can't you, Carl? Certainly can if you go to patreon.com slash littledumdumclub. You'll hear all about that in the back end of the show when we do our little segment called Talking Dum Dum. But we've got a great show ahead of you before that. Yeah, enjoy this one with Adam Knox and Guy Montgomery. Hey, mates, welcome once again into the little Dum Dum Club for another week.

Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo, and with me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, Dickhead. Well, I'm not with you. I mean, obviously, we don't want the police storming into podcast headquarters given that you're stating that I'm literally with you. I am down

the line. I'm down the line. I'm a correspondent on the show this week, Tommy Dasolo. Yes, yes, yes. We have such a good connection that I feel as if I could reach out and touch you at any given moment, but that's just the mind playing tricks. It's not actually true. Don't dob us in. Don't call the police on us. Don't go, I'm listening to a podcast right now.

Yeah, we're both at our own respective houses and we're both having individual parties with 10 or more people. We're not actually in the same room as each other. We haven't turned into a huge party of 20-plus people, okay? So don't drop us in. We've just got these boutique little 10-people parties, okay, guys? Yes, so you and I are, of course, talking over Zoom, but joining me in the exact same room as me right now are our two guests

on today's episode, Adam Knox and Guy Montgomery. Yay. Oh, why, thank you. Nice to physically be here. Absolutely. It is so nice. It was some trouble to get across the Tasman due to the lack of airline options, but I've made it. I'm in Melbourne, and I've got a few regrets. I don't know how I'm going to get back. I thought Jacinda Radun was a little bit stricter about travel

and things like that than just letting one person out to do a podcast. Yeah, she's furious. I mean, obviously, on my head be it, but, yeah, I sort of flouted all of the isolation regulations that are in place here in New Zealand to dip my toes in the ocean and swim across the Tasman. I'm absolutely kn Tasman. I'm absolutely knackered. I'm in big trouble back home, but my God, nothing's going to get in

the way of me and appearance on this, the worst podcast on the internet. You'd be fine at the moment as long as you look up a YouTube video about how to fly a plane and there's like 50 unused Virgin planes just sitting there on the tarmac for you. If you want to crawl into one, no one's going to notice. 50 unused Virgin planes, literally. Nice. I like what you're doing. Yeah, that's what you get if you commit an act of terrorism that kills yourself.

Should we, Carl, should we make an offer on one of these Virgin planes? For when this all clears up, then we can Iron Maiden style, we can have our official dum-dum jet that we fly between interstate gigs. It just goes to interstate and to Koh Samui and that's it. That would be amazing. You don't even need to go to Koh Samui. Put a podcast festival on a plane. That's what the people want.

Oh, yeah. International skies. You can do whatever you need to. You can start talking about all those podcast subjects you never discuss on this yeah yeah finally finally the gloves are off on this show you'd have noxian eye in the cockpit with a laptop between us trying to desperately absorb how to land the thing we don't need to know how to land just kick them all out buy enough parachutes extra extra extra large parachutes for all the dum- fans. Just say enough fuck stuff that motivates us never to want to land anywhere. We just go fuck it. We just fly into the sun.

And the good thing is, you know, as a podcast that has frequent tech problems, we've got the black box recording backing it up better than any Zoom recorder could ever do back on land. So, yeah, this is seeming like the best idea we've ever had. I have done stand-up on a plane. I talked about it years and years ago. But I have done stand-up on a plane before. And I don't think I've talked about this element of it. So I got booked through someone I know that may work for an airline company.

There may be a bit of nepotism. No, nepotism is when you're related to someone, isn't it? No, that's when you fuck kids. No, nepotism is when you fuck your own kids. I think what Carl's describing is it could be described as... This guy should be fucking anybody's the most worthy kid. Well, that's better than fucking someone else's kid, surely. Like, that's rude.

It depends whose perspective you're looking at it from. I actually think it's all a bit of a moot point from the kid's perspective. But, I mean, Carl, I admire your attempt at enforcing ethics. Well, having said that, that's coming from someone who's flouting uh the laws of staying inside in new zealand uh so you know it's not it's pretty rich coming from you mate that we're both lawbreakers so what does it really matter you know what i mean that was the thing that people were mad about with george pellers that he was outside there's too many people in that church. That was the real problem. I get it.

So the deal was I got a gig. I think it was Pete Elliott, it was Tommy Little. So some big-name brands performing, and then there was me, the one where everyone was like, how did this guy get the gig? And it's like, well, he may be sleeping with the person who books the gig. So anyway, which again was my girlfriend, not a child. Let get that clear so um this guy's traveling in his pajamas that's disgusting yeah yeah it was it wasn't quite back in those days but um so i i did the gig and i i basically bombed on the gig which is it's that's that's next level it's one thing to to go bad at a

corporate gig but i did badly in a gig where people were like trying to walk out but they couldn't i was i was on a plane it was it was it was terrible but then the the sweet and like pete helly was like looking at me going like it was it was pete helly and tommy little in the front row just looking at me and i'm already bombing in front of this whole you you know, a plane full of people. And then hellier and little in the front row, just looking at me, just going, Oh my God, just like right in front of me,

basically in business, just going, no. Do you remember the particulars of what material was doing really poorly? Like I know the feeling you wouldn't know this to look at me or hear me talk. Cause obviously I'm on the money a hundred percent of the time, but I've done poorly on stage before. Audience is fault.

And I just remember the visceral feeling of sort of knowing where the jokes were going to end and being like, well, they're not going to laugh at that. And just I get quite sweaty on my back when that happens. Can you put us in the pocket with you? What jokes are you laying out there for everyone that are just absolutely caking it? Oh, look, it's hard to pick just one. That's like having to choose your favourite child that you want to fuck. Yeah. This is the one I do remember.

You know when you're doing a bad gig and then you're going, oh, I better reach into the back pocket for some surefire hits, the stuff that always works. I better reach into the back pocket for some surefire hits. The stuff that always works. That's what I did at one stage. It's so good because knowing the end of the anecdote and that this is what you're doing inside of the anecdote makes it so much more grim.

Yeah. So I go, there was a joke I used to do that went like this. So I'm going bad. I'm getting the sweats. I'm going, oh, no. And, you know, it's not a good room for comedy because it's a very long, thin room. You want the opposite. You want the opposite.

It's not a room for comedy. It's a plane. And also, it's like, you know what you're doing? It's not like a proper mic. It's like the little Stuart-esque mic thing. Yeah, the telephone. Yeah, the telephone. And it's not even like a normal telephone.

You've got to put it upside down. You've got to use an upside-down telephone, and the cord is about a foot long. If people want to heckle you, they've got a little button right there they can just push and they get their turn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, bad room for comedy. The trolley's halfway down.

People are wondering, you know, trying to decide whether they want Pringles or Coke or whatever it is. So I'm going no good. And then I remember, I think we've covered this slightly on the show before, years and years ago, but I remember I pulled out of the back pocket. I go, oh, this joke always kills. And the joke was, I wonder if brothels have tight ass Tuesday. And if they do, I wonder if it's cheaper or more expensive. And it goes well at clubs, late night clubs. That joke would go well, right?

But in this gig, I just looked up and went, oh, that's right. It's 8am. And people were like, fucking what? Well, and also, Carl, people can't relate. People can't relate because they're in the air and there are no brothels in the air. Oh, right. You have to be in a brothel to get that joke.

Yeah, you're talking about a chain overseas that people don't have. You've got to do your local research about the environment that you're in. It's not many comedians who could suck the air out of a pressurised room. Yeah, so I remember doing that joke and it's still getting nothing. And you know the thing where you're doing a bad gig

and you're pulling things forward into the gig, into your set. So you're bringing better stuff forward and then all of a sudden you're doing your best stuff. And then you go, oh, I've got nothing but shit coming up after this. Stuff that's bombing. I've got worse stuff than this coming up. And I remember looking down at Hellier and Hellier just had gone white. Hellier just was panicking for me.

Just going, why is this guy doing blue material at 8am? And just for a bit of context, just so people know, so this flight, the ticket was sold to Pantazor. Was it a competition? So people got on this plane knowing that stand-up, that this was kind of the point of the flight. Oh, it was, no, it was like a surprise, I believe, which is the worst, a surprise comedy gig.

On an 8am flight. Yeah, yeah. Whose initiative is this? This is bad. That's the worst idea. We've got to pull something out of the back pocket to keep Anset going The joke that sunk Anset

They're going to love it This is going to be great United 93 comedy is going to go off You're on this 8am flight You're sitting there Some dishevelled looking man gets up Takes control of the like talkie system from

the flight attendant and just starts speaking into it you're just like, I've got a few things I want to get off my chest folks, you're thinking, oh my god, we're all going to die. September 12 2001 Antet launched their live stand-up on a flight initiative

opened by Carl Chandler. Yeah, it's like, how did this guy smuggle such a big bomb onto this plane? People going, it's a shame we've only got plastic cutlery on this thing because I want to fucking open a vein hearing this shit. Carl's got to hand over all his notebooks when he's boarding flights now. Yeah, yeah. They're always packing me down, looking in my pockets for thick little books that I've written in during a walk. Why is this dog sniffing my pocket so hard?

Oh, he can smell dog shit. He can smell dog shit in that notebook. Oh, man. And then what? So you're saying you're sitting in the front row, so you at least don't have to walk back through everyone. You just take a seat in front of everyone. Fuck. I feel physically ill thinking about the experience i can't handle i can't handle that in a room that i can leave i can't i literally can't think of

much worse oh and it was at the start of it was the start of the flight so this is it was a pretty rotten day because i'd i'd gotten up at like 4 a.m because i had to fly to brisbane first to then hang around and then get on the plane and fly back. So it was a bad setup. I had to do the stand up about 10 minutes after we'd taken off. So I was so wrecked. The people on that flight had seen me asleep in the terminal,

like on the seats, just asleep like an hour before that. Isn't nepotism meant to be a good thing if you're benefiting from it? Isn't it meant to help you in some way, not make your life a bit worse? This is domestic violence. Well, you know, the one good thing about it was that um once i got back i invoiced for the gig and then i just didn't get paid and i was like oh they've really they saw me do that gig and they're like not wanting to pay me like this is what's going on and so after a couple of months i was like oh they honestly are not going to pay me for this gig. So I just invoiced again.

And then the great thing about it was that they then went, oh, fuck. And they must have just like had already paid one of them. And then they paid the second one. So I actually got paid twice for the same bomb. There's a number of movies I've watched on a plane that on the ground I would never have enjoyed as well. But when I'm in the air, I'm ready to be entertained. I'll take all condoms when I'm up there. It's so true.

Your baseline is so low. You are the most tolerant consumer. I watched Adam Sandler's That's My Boy on a plane and cried at the end. I loved it so much. There was a lot of people crying when I was on. So how did Hellier and Little do? So you go on first and then they go on after you yeah i warmed them up for them yeah that's for

sure um yeah yeah yeah they were they looked pretty good in comparison to me so it was it was a good gig for them they did okay they did fine but they probably didn't get paid twice so that's something yeah they got paid once, a way better fee. Yeah, exactly. They got paid quadruple. I can't believe. I just can't believe they – I never knew that detail of the story that they sprung it on the people on the flight.

If I'm just flying, I would fucking hate that. You know, I've got my book out, I'm ready to go, then there's a guy standing a foot away from me trying to tell Joe. Like, God, that would be, that's a fucking nightmare. Through that speaker as well. Yeah. Being eight in the morning. They've all gotten up at four to get there as well.

And then having some guy get up and be like, this is a bit too short. It would be just. And saying that, I have heard stewards and stewardesses absolutely crush on those early morning flights with their sort of rote peta. Yeah, no, totally. See, that's the thing. That's the thing. I wish, I want another go at it because that was, you know, absolutely crush on those early morning flights with their as sort of yeah yeah no totally so that's the thing that's the thing i wish i want another go at it because that was you know that

was me four or five years in it's like you know i could do better now i wasn't doing any local i wasn't doing any topical i wasn't i wasn't asking people on the plane what they did or where they were going that day or anything i would kill it now with crowd work i think on that plane but i stuck to the old game. Yeah. If you're on a flight as well, you could do local material the whole way up, being like, anyone here from Bendigo? Anyone here from Newcastle?

All right, I guess you guys are coming from – you're flying above the ground. Anyone here from 3A? Yeah. Yeah, that's – I mean, that's what's good about it. Sometimes in a pub, doing crowd work, you're like, that guy there, no, no, no, the guy behind you. But on the flight, you've just got an easy, you, 20C, what do you do for a job?

You know what I mean? You can really easily zero people out. Everyone's categorised. Yeah, and it's like, yeah, you in you in 36b um first of all how shit's a middle seat fuckhead i got him oh yeah yeah also also what's your name oh no don't give me that shit i've got the i've got the the passenger list right here i've got your name in front of me you fuckhead so don't try and make up some name i still i worry i worry for you carl because this is the sort of the ramblings of a deluded nepo-phile

who thinks that, you know, they can win it back. One more gig on a plane and all of a sudden it's coming up Chandler. I reckon, fucking,

put while you're ahead, you'll have to hand over your fee next time, you know, like, just leave it where it is. Oh, right,

yeah, yeah, they'll find me. Just imagining it like a married couple on this Brisbane to Melbourne flight and, you know, they're in, they're in a bit of a rut, they've been together a Just imagining it like a married couple on this Brisbane to Melbourne flight and, you know, they're in a bit of a rut. They've been together a long time and they're taking this trip to Melbourne

and they're like, you know what? Something neither of us have ever done. When we get on this plane, let's join the Mile High Club. And, you know, they've worked it all out. Like just after we take off, I'll go to the bathroom, then you give it a couple of minutes and then come in. They're like, they need this. This is the fire that's going to reignite the spark

of their relationship. And then all of a sudden Peter Helly is up there riffing about fucking VHS players and just like being like, what the fuck is this? Like standing in the way of the toilets, like they now can't get to them and fulfil this dream. Or this poor paranoid couple, they make it in and they're like slightly nervous about the audio, but they're like,

well, there's enough sort of background noise and chatter on a plane that surely it will bury whatever's happening in the bathroom. And then you go up and just silence. Like a sort of silence that a lot of people aren't familiar with. Just absolute, deathly nothing. And then there's two people naked, cramped in a cubicle, being like, what the fuck is happening out there? Is this how we die? We just have to wait until he finishes. Surely he'll run out of material. Oh, yeah, what's the deal with this place food?

That would be great because you can't walk out. That would be great if people were just trying to find out. People are trying to find the alternative versions of walking out. So instead, someone just gets up and goes, can you just do the safety instructions instead? Can someone do that? Yeah, well, that's something to hope for in the future when air travel's back on.

First thing we've got to do, we've got to get the Chandler Redemption gig going on. I just realised as well, because I'm using the same mechanics as when people will do the announcements. Someone's 10 minutes into Titanic and then it's like they have to do the frozen graphics and everything and turn off the audio and then it's like, now for the comedy stylings of Carl Chandler. And it's like, oh, fuck, I want to know what happened to that ship.

I like the sound of this passenger who's cramming in Titanic on a flight from Brisbane to Melbourne at 8am in the morning. What's going on in their life? 8am, I know what you're like. A three-hour movie just to kick off the day. Not watching the full thing, getting home and being like, oh, that was a nice boat. They all had a good time

someone's getting the movie interrupted this disaster is being interrupted by another disaster yeah yeah yeah you're the equivalent of the band that is still playing as the ship's going down if there's been a problem with that plane just plummeting through the air as you're like

I was in a cafe the air as you're like i was in a cafe the other day you're the equivalent of that band if the first two bands they booked got seasick and they were like oh this guy has an instrument in his cabin that's the same thing yeah that band the band leader being like all right, we have to play as people get onto the boats. Let's do one last performance. So, all right, what's worse then? What's worse? Me getting booked for this gig and me bombing and being paid quite well for it or my redemption gig coming up and me just being on a flight and just getting up and going, can I hop up? Can I do five? Can I go on after the instructions? I reckon I'd go better with that because people wouldn't know. It wouldn't have been built up.

It would be just like, oh, this guy's just randomly doing this. They wouldn't be able to see Peter Hellyer up the front using his leg room as well and be like, oh, he'll be all right. Can I also say, I think, yeah, one of the big obstacles you came up against in that gig and probably in in a lot of the gigs you've done before, is that people knew that you were going to be performing as a comedian. And as a comedian, obviously, you're absolute dog shit. But if people look at you and think that you're just a punter,

they'd be like, fuck for a punter. This guy understands joke structure. Yes. That's great. So I just need to preface every gig from now on as, I've never done this before, but here we go. Yes. That's great. So I just need to preface every gig from now on as, I've never done this before, but here we go. Exactly. Something that I wanted to do about six months ago,

I was kind of keeping an eye on this, my friend. I may have talked about it on the show, but I found a website where you can rent private jets. So if they're making a trip somewhere and then they've got to go back, there's this website where you can book it out for like quite cheap. So like some of the examples of ones they had was like a 10-person private jet to go down to Tasmania and it would have cost you like $100 or $200 each to be on a private jet with like, you know,

all the trappings. I kind of thought fuck that'd be pretty awesome to like if we kept an eye on this and we could get like a chartered private jet to do a pod on and just you know sell like five tickets or whatever to cover the costs like that would have been so sick i was monitoring the site and like never quite fair because they were all like you know going cross country so like just a bit too expensive but just like a short-term trip for a grand or whatever, fuck, it would have been good.

It's optimistic. It's pretty ambitious to do a podcast directly next to a jet. I reckon you might have some audio issues after that one. Yeah, very good point. But hey, I'll tell you what, after having to do them over Skype for this long, fucking I'll take anything when the real world comes back that'll be that'll be bliss i had i had this happen the other day i don't know

if you guys have had stuff like this happen while everyone's in lockdown and such um you know the the little excuses people are using to sort of get out of the house we had um next to our house out the front um a car came driving down and it was like blowing the horn and people hanging out the car and screaming and everything and they had they're like letting balloons out and then very quickly you realize oh it's someone's birthday and so someone a couple of houses down was having a you know it was their birthday so they've come to do their version of like a you know a birthday party i don't know if that's now a common thing or not this was like a week or two ago and um so they're beeping the horn they've got happy birthday on the stereo like turned right up they're screaming out of the car

and we're like what the fuck is this and they're like doing it with that enthusiasm of aren't we clever we've gotten around you know all the sort of rules to do this and but the great thing is is very clearly just behind them that they don't realize yet is a police van wow they just have not realized and so they come down they're slowing down to go ah and they can see like obviously they can see the shocked faces of like the birthday girl or boy and then turn around and go oh fuck and then because they've driven down i don't even know whether they knew the exact address of these people whether they realize this but we live in a court so then they drive down and then they get stuck they get stuck with the police van and they can't neither of them have

got room to sort of do a u-turn or anything like that so then they're just stuck for 10 minutes this this police van has then just blocked them in for 10 minutes and there's just this horrible awkward situation where they're like are we under under arrest? Are we allowed to leave? Or what the fuck are we doing? Were they? Were there any repercussions for their well intentions? They were just very hands off. And so what happened was eventually after 10 minutes, they got out.

But then the cops then followed them out of the court and then followed them out of there. So I don't know whether they just didn't want to get them in trouble right there and then, or whether they wanted to pull them out so they had a bit of space so they could do a bit of distancing or what. This police van must have been following them for ages. For a full police van to be inside of a court, not do anything, and then leave.

If I see a police van in a court, I assume, oh, there's a raid coming or something like that. But they must have been, they saw the balloons hanging out of the back of the station and they went, come on boys. It was probably one of the lads' birthdays and the others hadn't planned anything and they go, look what we've done for you.

This car in front. You love courts. We got it to go into a court for you. You love them. A court's like a private party. It's not like a common street that anyone can go into. Yeah. And so what you're observing this just from your balcony, just watching people have fun and just being like,

get them, boys, lock them up, throw away the key. Well, it shows that my wife knows me because she saw it starting to fuck up and goes, Carl, you've got to come and see this. This is right up your alley. So that was us on the balcony for 10 minutes watching that unfold. I was just going to say I really hate how pro-police this whole thing has made me. Like usually you hear about someone getting a fine or, you know, like an infringement or whatever it is and you're like,

ah, fucking, you know, let it go. But then like reading in the paper about like, you know, the cops going around to someone's house and they're having like a 10-person party and they all got slapped with a fine. It's like, yeah, good. Like I've become just really into reading about the cops clamping down on

people and I fucking hate it. Yeah. It's going to be bizarre if people actually do, cause some of them you can get locked up for. If you're going to prison and have to be like, why am I here? Yeah. Well,

11 people wanted to come to my dad's funeral. So what am I going to do? And they'll be the new pedophiles in the prison system. You fucking animals. Yeah. This guy over here is a hero. He only fucked one kid. This person can hang out with 10 people.

That's allowed. One-on-one is people. That's allowed. One-on-one is allowed. That's fine. I just wanted to ask you, Carl, because obviously it sounds like your wife is coming up trumps and locked down, really knowing how to look after you. Where are wife and child presently? They're outside in the rain because I said I had a podcast to do. They've gone for a walk.

And how was that received? Not optimistically. Just with a lot of questions like, where are we supposed to go? Beautiful big world out there. Was that your child's first words? But Papa, he's reigning. Single tear off his head. Some kids say dog, some kids say car, this kid said how could he?

Well, I hope that gives the listeners a bit more context for how much they should be enjoying and appreciating this content. This is what you have to do. You have to put your family on the line. Carl's jeopardising his perfect wife and his perfect life. He's also bravely wearing a Liverpool hat in spite of the fact that no one can remember what the sport of football is anymore. I don't know if this has been covered on the pod,

but I remember you were messaging me when you flew to the uk for what was it three nights four nights uh what was it two nights two nights in the end or two nights i think because obviously liverpool haven't won the premier league in what is it about 20 odd years and this was their year 30 30 30 you're not going to miss that what a delight it is as a sort of dispassioned, moderate observer to see the one year in which Liverpool are totally unstoppable be scrapped from the history books entirely. No, no, it's not going to happen. So this is – a lot of people gave me shit last year.

So I did exactly the same thing last year. We came over because it was like we were going to win the Premier League. So let's go and do some live podcasts over there. We I was like, we were going to win the Premier League. So let's go and do some live podcasts over there. We went over there. We absolutely did not win the Premier League. As soon as I made the call,

we dropped a lot of points and then we never recovered and then everyone was blaming me. I was like, shut up. And they were like, no, you mozzed them.

You mozzed them. You put the mozz on them and you cursed them. And I'm like, shut up. It doesn't work like that. And then I've come over this time.

Carl, just quickly, you're getting a bit fired up. Do you want to send your wife a quick text and say to take a few extra laps of the block? Because I think we might run out the clock on this one. You better find a big tree, honey. You're going to be out there for a while.

I'll call a lifeguard. It's getting a bit wet out there. Carl's kept all the umbrellas at home in case he needs to take a long walk after the podcast. So Carl's kept all the umbrellas at home in case he needs to take a long walk after the podcast. No, you can't take my recording poncho. So we're 22 points clear.

It's honestly, we, all we needed was two wins out of the next nine matches. It's, but we're basically unstoppable. And I go over there and not only do I, not, not only just the word unstoppable in the context of this story.

I know. Not only do I find out we are very eminently stoppable, but I go over there just as the virus is starting to hit and then I get back on a plane and everyone's like... And I'm very heavily coughing on a plane. I think I just had a flu. I think I just had a flu. But I think...

I went over to the UK and I ate a ceremony or Liverpool bat. And then on the plane home... It's, yeah, it doesn't look good on paper. Everything that I've done to do with Liverpool Football Club does not look good on paper. It doesn't sound good in audio either, Carl. I just love you on the plane heavily coughing and people around you going, fuck, I wish this guy would just do stand-up or anything else with that mouth instead.

Well, I was in an empty cabin on the way back, so I would have got the same result as I did last time if I had done stand-up. I would have got the same result as I did last time if I had done stand-up. So you've gone to the UK to celebrate Liverpool's first premiership win in 30 years. You've contracted COVID-19. You've cursed the land. You're on a plane flying home by yourself. Yeah, if they can't win, no one can win. I'm going to spread this disease as far as I can.

No one's going to have a good time. Do you know what will become of the season? Is it totally scrapped? No, no, no. Nothing's been decided yet. At the moment, they're trying to postpone the matches until things are doable. There are some people that want to scrap the entire season, which is insane because you're a sports fan, Guy.

You understand these tragedies. You understand, look, the last thing that happened, there was the World Cup, the cricket World Cup in England when England beat New Zealand. Now, put yourself in my shoes. They tied with New Zealand. Right. Okay. Who's got the trophy, though?

Well, no one really knows, but it's somewhere in the UK, I understand. I believe it is part of the British Isles. I believe someone holds it there. So, yes, they did win. So you know injustice. You know injustice, Guy. You understand what's happening here. I do, but I'm on the wrong end of it,

and I want you to join me down here in the muck and the mire. I think the only right thing is to scrap the entire season. No. If you want to abide this curse that everyone in Liverpool seems to believe they're under, you can't win this year either. You just can't. Run it back next year, but it's over. All sports are off for the year.

Fuck them. No. No. No. You can't eat four-fifths of your dinner and then stop and go, well, I didn't eat dinner tonight. No, you fucking did. Yeah.

But if you eat four-fifths of your dinner and then have to wait a year before you eat again, you've got to start with a new meal. It's not the same dinner. You're right. It's not the same dinner. No. If someone brings you out one fucking chicken wing at the end of a year's gap. That's been sitting there for a year.

Yeah, yeah. it's green. It's like covered in slime. But you've got to call it four-fifths of the way into a steak. You've got to say, no, I'm full. It's achieved what we needed to achieve out of this season of dinner. You've got to call it. I was going to eat that last fifth of steak. Whichever bite of the steak was the best at this point.

Yeah, exactly. Whoever would. Until the waiter took it away, I was absolutely going to eat that. No one else was going to eat that last fifth. So you should call it that I have technically eaten my dinner. But anything can happen with a steak. A bird could have swept in there and gotten the last little bit by the end. That's right.

It's impossible to say. Also, if your last 30 meals, you've only eaten four fifths of the meal and then this time you have every intention and finishing the meal but you know extraneous circumstance interrupts why would we believe that you were going to finish the meal last time i checked you're quite well known for not being able to finish your fucking dinner. But the only person that would be able to finish that last bit of steak was like about 30 miles away. Like what are the odds on someone 30 miles away eating that steak before I was about to eat it? Because I was too hungry. If it takes you six months to a year to finish, I would say pretty fucking likely.

Yeah. I reckon the odds of that person coming up to win from behind were slightly higher than a global pandemic as well. So you've got to call it all off. Anything could happen. Right. No. Look, the jury's still out.

The jury's still out. Carl, as a lifelong dinner fan, would you, let's say the person who cooked you the dinner says to you, you know what, I'm going to give you this one. This counts as you having finished the dinner. Is that how you would really want to have finished dinner for the first time, knowing that there'll always be people out there that can go, doesn't really count though. Is that how you really want it, knowing that other people would be able to have the satisfaction

of saying that to you? Let me stretch the metaphor even more. I'm a starving child in Ethiopia. Someone comes up with a dinner that they've pissed on and shit on and gone, I know you haven't eaten for three months, but you wouldn't want to eat this steak that has piss on it. I'm like, I absolutely will devour that piss-ridden steak in one go without chewing. Thank you very much for the steak. I appreciate it. Thank you. This for the steak. I appreciate it.

Thank you. This is the best steak I've ever had, actually. Can I say this hypothetical you've just trotted out would have worked just as well if you hadn't introduced this Ethiopian child. If anything, it would have worked a little better for me because I absolutely cannot relate to anyone from a foreign country. Yeah, yeah.

And I think, Carl, you know deep down in your heart of hearts that if you weren't the Ethiopian child, you would be pointing at the Ethiopian child and going, you just ate a steak with piss on it. Suck it. And also in your analogy here, that Ethiopian child is one of the richest children out of all of the children competing for that meal.

As in, yes, he's a winner. This kid is a winner. So I want to be the winner like this kid. Yes. Good point. Give him four fifths of a cup then. What if you win, but you win four fifths? You don't have the base of the trophy.

You've just got to balance it. History will be the judge. And let it be known that even if Liverpool somehow do come away with this finished meal or whatever, there will be a tremendous asterisk next to the photo that hangs in the restaurant. There will be. Absolutely not.

Absolutely not. There's just scraps on that on that plate okay it doesn't it doesn't matter it doesn't matter the most of it was gone that's a meal that's been eaten okay no one carl has started just like there's been a crescendo of gesticulation as the panic sensor No, I'm just more and more aware of like the – people were saying, oh, you put the moz on the mile, you did this, you did that. And I've been like, no, it makes no sense. Like that sort of stuff isn't real.

It doesn't mean anything. But then I started thinking – literally thinking about it the other day where I was like, you know, last year when we flew into England, as I landed, I got off the plane i got a train i went straight into a pub because liverpool were playing barcelona away and as soon as i walked into the pub um we went a goal down against them and so i sat there and watched us lose three nil to barcelona in the european cup semi-final now when i left the country the country, I was taking off as the match was kicking off. So as I got into the air, we beat Barcelona 4-0 to then progress to the final.

It's like, it can't be any more clearer than that, really. I started thinking. You can't go back there again. If you fly back again, there's going to be news reports of like, Britain's first active volcano has erupted. And it's in the middle of Anfield. This is weird. Yeah, I'd even be scared if they start doing the games behind closed doors

to like make up the rest of the season. Well, it's off the table for you to travel over there to watch them. I'd think the curse would then extend to you just even watching on a TV. Probably even checking the scores the next day, to be completely honest. I think it's best if you start practicing a little social distancing with your beloved football team.

Just a whole bunch of people reading the scores the next day having the Mandela effect, being like, I swear we won. But the paper said... So if I lock myself underground like a mole person for the next couple of years, I can do that and have no interaction with the outside world. Two groups of people who would be greatly relieved by this development. Airline passengers and Liverpool fans.

Your wife and child who've just spent the last two years indoors. An incredible time for them. We didn't even get wet for a full 24 months. That was amazing. And then I don't even get the pleasure of going, yes, I did it, because if I have any interaction and knowing that Liverpool have won, that just wipes it off. All of a sudden, back to the future style,

the sports almanac starts getting wiped. I've got it in me. For the greater good,ac starts getting wiped. I've got it in me. For the greater good, I can do it. I can do it. Also, I know that there's been a lot of sort of conspiratorial chatter about, you know, various different people or groups who have planted COVID-19 globally.

Has anyone been looking at Manchester City? This famously unethical band of, you know, footballers and owners. Questions have to be asked. Yeah, that's very fair enough. A typical band of footballers and owners. Questions have to be asked. Yeah. That's very fair enough. Guy, you've been, speaking of physical activity, what a segue, you've been putting up your little times on Instagram lately for running.

So you've been staying inside your house and running. You're quick. You're one of the few people where it's worth putting your times up because you're actually a fucking quick runner yeah i i've taken great joy in watching other people run your deals and sort of looking at his numbers and being like i would fucking mop the floor with you uh and i i was i used to be quite when i was young and uh genuinely fit and hadn't sort of uh derailed my internal organs by pursuing comedy i was uh a vaguely a vaguely good runner my sadly though my most sort of i suppose notorious would be the word to choose run was um around about when i was 22 i got into

running once after my first serious heartbreak i i thought if I ran enough, I'd stop feeling upset, which was totally inaccurate. But I ran a half marathon. And, you know, if nothing else, I have that to hang my head on as an accomplishment in the wake of this traumatic experience. And then three years later... So you thought if she ran out, you could run out as well,

and that would equalize that? Yeah, I thought if I ran far enough, I'd sort of either catch up to her from behind or at least you know face to face but at last she ran into the arms of another uh a very handsome man to whom she's now married so let it be known i only lose to winners but uh three years later you only lose to winners well that's sort of that's how that works so i don't feel too bad about the breakup there because Usain Bolt fucked my girlfriend. So that's okay.

It just makes it a lot easier. What do you do with that baton? It makes it a lot easier to swallow. But three years later, I was in an argument with a friend who also was a semi-professional rugby union player. And we were sort of a few beers deep into a barbecue having an argument about who would win in a half marathon between him and me. And it got to the point where we derailed the conversation at the party so much that a bet was laid out. The stakes of which were I was allowed to train as much as I wanted.

He was only allowed to abide his sevens rugby training. And, you know, in eight weeks, whenever the date for the half marathon was, we would race. And the loser would have to get the winner's time and initials tattooed on their right buttocks cheek. Oh, great. And so sort of weeks went by, and I sort of was like, oh, I've got time, I've got time, I've got time, I've got time.

And then eventually sort of seven weeks had gone by, and I was like, well, I'm sort of running out of time, but, you know, it's nothing. I'm sure there's some residual fitness lying around from the half marathon I ran three years ago. And then the day before race day, we were at sort of a celebratory drinks, preemptive, some might say,

at which a few friends were there and we were sort of talking about strategy and just lapping up the last of this. This sounds like some drinks I've had for Liverpool a few weeks ago You know, the bat pot was being passed around, we were all ripping the heads off the things, having a good time

Anyway, and so the next morning beautiful summer's day here in Auckland, we were out in Koimarama, which is a suburb out near, it's not relevant really but it's quite a hilly suburb and it was a sweltering sort of 26 degrees we line up next to each other and we're still trash talking and i have gone for exactly one run in the eight weeks allotted for training i went for one 15 kilometer run just to make sure my body still worked and it barely did but we

started running and we were just running side by side the first five six kilometers we're running side by side and sort of gnashing six kilometers, we were running side by side and sort of nattering away, which is a comfortable pace for a run. If you can talk, that means you're going at the right speed. And then sort of nine to ten kilometers pass, and we're not really talking anymore, but we're still running side by side. And about sort of 13, 14 kilometers pass, and we're on some hills now, and I sort of start to feel quite sweaty, like really hot and sweaty.

But I touch my brow, which is totally sodden, and all of the sweat is icy cold. And I thought, that's at least vaguely unusual. And I look over at Dave, who is just, you know, he's glowing. The guy looks like he's having the time of his life. And we get to sort of 15, 16 kilometers, and I think to myself, I'm in seriously bad shape here. Like, unless i do

something to try and you know change the course of events i'm going to lose this race so 16 and a half kilometers on a downhill slope i start putting the moves on dave so i start you know i've got a stride on me so i start moving as quickly as i can you start to pull away yeah well i try to pull away and after 10 paces the last thing i vividly remember of this realm was one of the course winders looking at me in the eyes they were quite hazy and saying to me uh you need to go to ground now and i ran myself into the berm while dave overtook me and proceeded to hallucinate to this person who i thought was a guy from my high school called David Dingwall, and begged this guy not to call the paramedics.

Anyway, half an hour later, I'm in an ambulance, and I confuse one of the paramedics for a guy who used to bully me at high school called Mark Williams. And I got through three IV drips in an afternoon at Auckland City Hospital and then got picked up by my friends and taken to the tattoo parlour to have David Orrrod, 1 hour 35, tattooed on my right buttocks cheek. But were they really your friends or were they just more hallucinations that you'd had?

Were they police officers or were they people from the insane asylum or what were they? It's literally impossible to say but I am branded with this guy's initials so if nothing else there's evidence that somebody took me to the parlour and you know the score was settled I could tell that was I mean it was obviously going to go off the rails but the point

all good success stories come with the phrase the last thing I vividly remember it was incredible but the point was all good success stories come with the phrase, the last thing I vividly remember. It was incredible. They were full dehydration hallucinations. And I had to take a piss into a bush, and I was supported by two other people because I couldn't physically support myself at that time.

And so only in the last sort of three or four years have I uh enjoying running again confidently that you know i can i could whip myself around the block and be assured i'm going to make it back home going for runs with your friends barney the dinosaur and ringo star on either side how you doing boys have you have you ever been have you ever been at a house party now and you've and and people have gone have you got any pills? Have you got anything? No, but I'm pretty unfit. Do you want to go for that 25k? Because it's some good shit. It's actually quite good.

If you've got an hour and 20 minutes on you, we could have the time of our fucking life. There's probably plenty of people in isolation who can't get in contact with their dealers and just like, there's the lesson. Just don't drink any water for like a week and then you'll be fucking soaring. Go for a big run.

Do some uphill. Looking at people online i feel like it's uh it's it's one or two things it's it's not a lot of middle ground there's either people getting like crazy fit like going you know like you you're you're running some fucking good times i'm running every single day i never used to do that but you know making the most of your outside time. So you're either doing that or it's the other way. Hello. It feels like Adam Knox. I feel like we've got the two perfect subjects here to talk to about who Kai and Knox are.

If you want to have a little chat with the way bigger tail side of the coin now, then I've, my couch has changed shape. Absolutely. Hallucination free, Adam Knox over there. No, I'm having hallucinations, but it's everything's turning into like big slices of pizza and full roast chicken. Everything in your room is getting smaller. Yeah.

It's crazy. I'm imagining that my shirts. Yeah. It's crazy. I'm imagining that my shirts are shrinking. It's really weird. You're being guest-led by your own wardrobe. I've started to get a little bit more into trying to be fit and stuff just to get out of the house because I've realised I'm going fucking insane. The thing that made me realise I'd turned a corner, that my neighbour has been watching a lot of Seinf seinfeld they've clearly been going through the whole show again

and i can hear it through the walls which is fine it's a good show but the only bit like you can hear a bit of the laughter the only bit that really cuts through the wall is like the transition music the i can hear that bit clearly and i caught myself the other day and realized i needed to change the way i was living because that transition music played and without thinking I changed what I was doing. I was making a coffee and I just went and sat down instead. I had like a Pavlovian response to that noise. You just went and started silently waiting for soup for some reason.

Yeah. It was the weirdest thing and I got really scared by it. So, yeah, I'm going to try and get fit. What's your best tips for like a beginning runner for you to run? The mistake everyone makes is they go too fast. Just go so slow. Like a pace at which you can talk. Pull that off.

A pace at which you can talk is that's how quickly you want to be going to begin with. Don't go too long. People go too hard and too fast and they hate it. They never want to go and do it again. It can actually feel pretty good if you just go for a little 3K trot around the block. Come home, see how you feel and

take it easy. Very earnest advice there. I'll start slow. Who are you staying with you're staying with noxy are you staying with your partner or your family or by yourself i'm on my own currently okay my partner's uh relocated to spend this with her family which is you know good for her but it's me it means that i'm literally having no proper contact with anyone i think i saw on instagram that usain bolt's staying at their place as well, isn't he? I'm sure that's fine. I'm sure that's fine. I hear he's married to some loser's ex.

He's not doing any running, but he's breaking a lot of world records, I hear. Hey, Noxy, if you want running advice, to put it into terms that you might understand from what you were just telling us about your neighbour in Seinfeld, the best advice I can give you is find someone from your high school that you beat in a race and they've always thought that you cheated and then get them to come back into your life and challenge you to a race and you need to prove to your girlfriend that you can

beat them. That's probably going to be the best thing for you given what you've done so far. Certainly the most efficient way to encourage yourself to ease back into exercise. And I think that's more realistic than another episode of Seinfeld where they bet each other they wouldn't have a big wank. I think that's more realistic for you in this position. Well, yeah, talking of going a bit nuts in isolation,

I thought I was doing pretty fine. And then the other day, Carl, you and I were talking about this. We've both been doing a bit of online shopping. I don't think we've mentioned that on the pod yet, but truly one of the few joys left in life is just seeing that sweet little package turn up in the mailbox. Oh, I'm like a little doggie. I'm a little doggie just wagging his tail at the mailbox every day.

I've been embarrassed by having to go down and meet the postman to get packages every day. I feel like I'm being extravagant. But I'm just ordering little tiny things that are $5 in free delivery just to have a little bit of a feeling of achieving something. It's the new pub. Yeah. Opening that package.

Yeah. So I ordered some nice uh like some thick woolen uh socks recently like some good socks for winter and the package turned up and i'd remembered ordering three pairs and i opened them up and there's two sets of each pair so there's six pairs of socks in there and i kind of think oh sweet they've like fucked my order and sent me like two of each thing that I ordered. Great.

I've come out on top here. This is awesome. And then I look at the sheet, like the order sheet, the receipt that's in there, and it's actually like they haven't fucked it up. I've ordered two sets of each pair. And I'm like, why did I do this? And then I realized what I've done is, I remembered it from when I ordered,

what I've done is gone, well, I'm ordering sock. I want two of each sock. I'm not just going to order one of these socks. I want one for each foot. So, yeah, I'm going to need two, boys. And that was when I knew, like, I am, all right, I'm going. I was, like, thinking I'm on need two boys and that was when I knew I'm like I am

alright I'm going I was like thinking I'm on top of everyone else like I'm handling this great I had to throw my hands up in the air and go yeah I'm losing it

I'm going fucking good morning sir I noticed on the front of your shop it says that this is a shoe store I was looking for something more in the way

of a shoes store you know where that might be Daslo Daslo are you saw are you self-isolating inside a children's book called a thousand and one jokes for kids that's not a bad situation to wind up in because often you know if you don't if you don't it can be difficult to update your sock collection and you wind up with a few teddy pears you know your

b your c rotates still floating around. But if you've doubled the number of new socks you've brought in, you could be looking at an A-plus rotation, only top-quality socks. And that's sort of, I mean, that's unheard of. You're absolutely right. You're absolutely right. And, like, the more that I think about it,

the more that I can see the benefit to having too many pairs of socks. The only negative is I wish I had kind of worked this out after ordering the initial set because then I would have gotten the joy of ordering a second package of them and had that you know had the joy all over again of the package yeah the only thing that annoys me the most about this is that i did it all in one hit and i you know that's i could have stretched those deliveries out for months to keep myself going that's my dream though is to find one outfit that and i've always put off doing this because i've had it in my head they're like oh well i'll lose some weight soon but i

would love to find one outfit that works by 30 of it and only ever have that that's the dream yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah like it'd be hard because you'd need to be appropriate for like funerals and for everyday life and for going to the shops and whatever it'd probably be really tough i tell you what it'd have to be a suit i reckon this is the time you can scrap pretty much having to wear outfits for any reason other than a zoom call just fucking load up well then i only need to buy top halves as well my bottom half is not doing anywhere near as much heavy lifting as this top half is you look formal i mean it's doing some heavy lifting if that's your attitude that you're sitting inside and it doesn't matter what you wear near as much heavy lifting as this top half is. You look formal. That's the thing, yeah. If that's your attitude, that you're sitting inside and it doesn't matter what you wear,

I would plan ahead and go for some 8XL stuff, I think. If that's your attitude towards what you're wearing, your attitude towards the rest of your life is going to go in that direction, I think. Yeah, true. Maybe I should look up some – I accidentally bought two parachutes that I'd fucking stitch up and wear. What an idiot.

And the accident was I needed one more to stitch together with it. I noticed from you in the Zoom window, Knox, you are currently abiding by what I've come to know as the Adam Knox uniform of a collared business shirt, a look that wasn't fooling anyone even when we could go outside. Just treat yourself to a T-shirt, man. You're on the couch. Let loose.

No, I've been wearing only T-shirts the whole time. I put this on special. I pulled it out of the laundry basket that I hadn't yet washed and put this on special. Time to go to work. Yeah, okay. I can appreciate that. Just for this.

Yeah, I can respect that. There's a stain on it. It's a pretty devastating picture of society when recording an episode of the Dumb Dub Club is your reason to roll out of bed and put on a shirt. I know. I know. I fucking, I normally wear glasses.

I put contact lenses in for this and halfway through doing it, I was like, why am I? This is sort of the closest thing to a funeral you're going to get to go to for a while. This is sort of the closest thing to a funeral you're going to get to go to for a while. I'm ordering a lot of stuff, just that boredom sort of thing. And I didn't really realize that my wife was doing the same thing. So every day one of us will go to the mailbox and then come back in with a parcel.

And then it'll be like, whose is it? And then whoever it is gets to go, suck shit. Because the other person didn't get anything. If you open a parcel that's meant for your wife, oh, a book called How to Stay Dry Outdoors. I guess this mustn't be mine. Very dull book. Yeah, I kind of have that in my apartment building.

You know, there's a big mail room. So I go in there thinking like, oh, maybe today's the day that this thing will turn up. And like go in there, nothing in my mailbox, but just the mail room littered with packages for all these other people. Man, the bravery of those people who will leave a box in the mail room for days at a time, just hoping no one will pick it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have that in my place too. You know what I've been doing? And this is the dumbest thing.

This is super dumb. I've been hitting my head against a wall. I've booked in for another gig on a plane. No. So when I send out merch, so when people order T-shirts and stuff from us, it goes to me and then I do all the packing and I'll leave a little note

and I'll write the address on the front. And then on the back, in case anything ever gets returned, I will generally put this is coming from the European Beer Cafe because I do a lot of work in there. We run the comedy shows in there. Oh, yeah, I remember that. So if anything gets returned, it just goes there because I don't really want anyone to have my home address.

So things just get returned in there and the staff in this pub go, why the fuck have we got all these dumb T-shirts being sent to us? Oh, well, whatever. So that's the situation. So now, of course, with all the pubs being closed, I can't give that address anymore. So then I'm like, oh, shit, well, I've got to give an address in case things get sent back.

So then I started just without thinking about it properly going, well, I don't want to give my proper in case things get sent back so then i started just without thinking about it properly going well i don't want to give my proper address uh so that everyone has it that listens to this show because god knows what they'll do with it so i just changed the number on my address by one and then use that as a return address and then so i've been sending all these shirts out and then just the other day I realized I don't know the person that lives at that address. So if anything gets sent to them, like that's just wasted. And then I went, I don't even know who lives at that address.

So I went and had a look. And it's the weird, weird, weird guy in our apartment building that looks like something really bad is happening in his house. Yeah, he's getting sent a whole bunch of boxes that he doesn't know what the fuck they are yeah stressing him out he he he always used to like try and like get cats into his house into his thing he'd always have the neighborhood cats in his house and he tried to get our cat in his house as well i was like fuck no because he's like he's super weird and then he plays like really – he gets in there and plays movies really, really, really loud,

and he looks like he's quite demented. Yeah. And so that's where all the return mail is going to be. I'd like to see how you respond to a bunch of packages for merchandise from a fucking podcast you've never heard of or don't listen to arriving at your house. How long it would take you to lose your mind as well, you piece of shit.

Yeah. The gall of you, after what you you told us to then describe someone else as being the weird guy in your building is, how am I going to get rid of all these T-shirts? I read the cats eat T-shirts. Maybe I can get the cats to... I'll dress up. If I start seeing a lot of cats going around our apartment buildings,

it'll look like they're a big fan of me in some way. I'll realise what's happened. So what's the end game here are you just gonna have to knock on his door and and fess up or do you if people have sent stuff back are you just happy to was was the strategy in changing your number by one just going well who cares if people are sending it back i don't really care what happens or no the, the strategy was, the not thought out strategy was that if someone gets that, they'll maybe leave it on top of our mailbox where I now realise who would do that. Like if it's addressed to you...

Yeah, they don't know what's in the package. Yeah, they don't know what's in it. So they'll just take it inside and whatever. You could pretty easily, you could say to this guy that like, oh, someone else did it for me. They got my address wrong by one number. Whoops, sorry about that. The easier way to fix it would be like,

imagine if a post office had already thought of this scenario and had some sort of box that you could hire at the PO. That's what I call post office. If they had like a PO box, that'd be great. Yeah, well, I didn't think it properly through. That's why I'm bringing it up. If I had thought it through and I had a great system that worked perfectly, it wouldn't be of much use on a podcast like this

i wouldn't bring i wouldn't bring up a story to go guess what i did the other day a seamless operation yeah well thankfully you've you've you've covered your tracks really well and buried the lead which was your fear of people who would listen to the dum-dum club finding out your address by confessing to the fact that it's exactly what's on the packages bar one number yeah if you have a problem with carl just kill that numbers resident and then either side no It's exactly what's on the packages bar one number. Yeah. If you have a problem with Carl, just kill that number's resident and then either side. No, just kill all three. That's what you have to do.

Yeah, because your listeners aren't the sort of people who would show up and just bang on every door until they found where Carl Chandler is. Yeah, that's right. You're a fucking idiot as opposed to me, a genius who worked out how to get six pairs of socks for the price of six. So I'm sitting here on my throne made of socks just laughing at you, buddy. You guys are fucking idiots.

Oh, sorry. I just heard the Seinfeld transition theme play. I've got to go do something else. I'm sorry. I've got to go burst into another room in my house. I've got a few words to say here to some people. They all start with the letter N. All right, I'll see you later, guys.

Those people must be outside because I believe they're hanging from the trees. It's a deep cut, born of the context of exactly what Michael Richards said You are flying close to the sun there Carl Chandler That would have only happened 50 years ago I didn't say it, it wasn't said on the Dumb Dumb Club, it was said at the Laugh Factory in LA so who knows

It would have only happened 50 years ago back when Liverpool last won the league Yes Alright, well I guess we better wrap it up for another week here on the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Adam Knox, Guy Montgomery, thank you very much for joining us. Thank you. Thank you.

And thank you for being our first guests since isolation who understand the etiquette of how to podcast over a Zoom conference call. Greatly appreciated. Oh, my God. I'm editing this. You've got your podcast out. Sorry, you go, Cal.

Guy, you've got your podcast, The Worst Idea in the World. Yeah, Worst Idea of All Time. No, of all time. I'd actually like to point your listeners towards, we got to make a pilot for that show for YouTube Red a couple of years ago that never made it to air and didn't get commissioned.

But we finally put it online. If you YouTube a worst idea of all time pilot, for the pilot, we invent method film reviewing. So we pretty much dismiss the history of film criticism. We say, you can't review a movie unless you eat, sleep, live, breathe the movie. And so we move into an abandoned new york city subway station eat nothing but pizza and watch teenage mutant ninja turtles three times a day for five days it is um it's like i really that's weird because because looking looking at the zoom it looks like noxie's been doing that as

well have you been producing the same yeah i've been watching i've been watching shallow hell but yeah please if you want to check it out i'd be grateful i think it's i think it's funny and so uh it's what i've got to say it's going off on twitter i've seen it retweeted fucking heaps of times so it's a lot of good reviews. Yeah, yeah. That's a very funny idea. I'm surprised that YouTube Red didn't pick that up because I've, if you use a VPN and you get an Indian account

you only pay $2 a month for that YouTube thing and I've seen some of the stuff they've picked up and they're not picky. No, no. Well, the entire network is now defunct.

The idea was that we were going to be their in-house film reviewers so we'd review their entire back catalogue of movies, but alas, it wasn't to be. And instead, I'm trapped in this fucking audio medium with you guys. I wouldn't blame them if they saw that first one and they're like,

oh, we can't pick this up. We're going to be responsible for the deaths of people. We can't let this happen. Noxy, you've got a couple of podcasts to plug. Yeah. Oospooky. Oospooky. It's just a comedy podcast.

We've got an old book from the 80s that has a bunch of spooky stories in it, and we go through and we make fun of them. It's a good time. And then Filthy Casuals with you and with Ben Vanell is the other one. It's about video games, and it's also funny if you want to listen to that one. Nerds. Nerds. Thanks, man.

Yeah. With you with the pool hat. Yeah. Nerds. Nerds. Thanks, Matt. Yeah. With your little pool hat. Yeah. Guys, I'm a jock, dude. I'm a fucking jock. I'm a jock, dude. Get it right. All right, guys.

Thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. And they've done it again. I agree. I think they have done it again. I agree. I think they have done it again. That's a comprehensive doing it again, Tommy. This really felt like, I don't know how you felt, but in terms of this is now the third one that we've done over conference call,

over Zoom in isolation, this felt like I finally had the groove of doing this over a webcam. It helps to be with some professionals that know how to talk on the phone, that know how to not yell over the top of each other. Not that I'm naming any names apart from Ray Badgerin and Ronnie Chang and people that are literally very bad at their job. These guys are absolute podcast pros.

Glad we got them in. I don't know why we've been fucking around with other people. We should just only do Mark Maron and people like that from now on. It probably would have been an idea to make it easier on ourselves week one, but this was a breath of fresh air.

Just two absolute pros coming in. Two fixes, you could say. Just coming in here and giving us a nice little break from what we've been used to. And a lot of fun. That's it. Very fun. I enjoyed myself. You know, I've been really missing the in-room engagement of our normal episodes so

it was uh it was nice after three weeks to actually just have fun on the show and not feel like i'm doing a job and going oh god this is sort of feels a little bit awkward with on four different phones and stuff like that but um yeah this this was good um to everyone out there that has is an old school listener um i guess we've broached that subject before of like the bit in the show where I talk about doing a gig on a plane. I'm sure we've talked about that before. I hope we haven't talked about it in the same way. I hope we're not just telling the same story again.

So hopefully before anyone jumps into the socials and bakes me or bakes us for doing the same story twice. But hopefully there was a bunch of different detail or there was a bunch of different riffing or we hadn't told the whole story properly. Yeah, I have a feeling – were we doing the show when you did it? I have a feeling maybe you talked about it at the time, but it would have been a completely different angle on it. I'm pretty sure –

Yeah, years down the track with different guests. I'm pretty sure – I'm sure we were doing the show because I remember that we did talk about it at least a little bit because I remember Pete Hellyer brought it up on a live show once way, way, way, way back in the day. Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, I remember there being plenty of different angles in this chat to when it's come up in the past. And, yeah, apologies. Similarly, apologies if we've talked about the concept of isolation and coronavirus on the show before. I can't really remember if that's come up on the podcast at any point,

but hopefully we had some different takes on it in this episode and we didn't go over too much of the same ground. takes on it in this episode and we didn't go over too much of the same ground yeah um apologies if i've talked about um having a car go down my um uh court with police car uh after it um if i have talked about that before that's so fucking weird because that's the first time it's ever happened so apologies for lying to you because that's that must have been a made-up story. If I've talked about that before, I was absolutely bullshitting you. So apologies for treating you like idiots out there. Yeah, and sorry if you've ever heard me say,

hey, mates, on the show before. I did say when we began this podcast that I would kick it off in a different way every single episode, but the numbers start to stack up and it's impossible to now comprehensively say that I'm not retreading the same gear. So all I can do is apologize if that's something that I've said on the show before. Yeah. And apologies if I said at any stage that if I named all the races of people that I hate on the planet because I just did that to show off. I don't really think that.

That's just comedy where I come from. So for anyone from Asia, Europe, the Americas, yeah, I don't hate you. I don't think less of your driving, penis size, culinary sense, color of skin, any of that sort of thing. Any of that stuff, yeah. I didn't mean to say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, I think that's pretty comprehensive. I think that more or less covers us.

But rather than sit here and apologize, what I'd like to know is have they kicked a big one? Oh, that's something you don't need to apologize for tommy uh they've absolutely kicked a big one again they've got the full points um the season's the season's basically finished with uh how big they kick that one uh and they've got the full points for it um you even if you tried to call the season off at this point the kick was that big that the the you know that big that all the governing body have just gone, well, that was so big.

Why did we even want to play the rest of the season? That was such a big one. So, yeah, that's how big it was. Big. Well, yeah, that's good to know. That's good to know. The head at kicking a big one, Bernie, has categorically said that's one of the biggest ones we've had for at least three weeks.

And the kick is, you know, it's currently happening behind closed doors. Do you think that that potentially had anything to do with it? You know, you would think that some sports people would find it harder not being in front of a crowd, you know, and all that kind of stuff. But maybe in this case, it was actually, you know, beneficial to the size of the kick. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. Look, you're exactly right.

It's easier to kick a big one in front of a lot of people. So this is a particularly big one, given that there was no crowd to cheer him on. So, no, very good result. That reminds me, as we're recording this, this is a come up on my socials. This day one year ago, Tommy, as I've reminded you on the socials today, one year ago exactly, it was you and I at Anfield watching Liverpool play,

watching Liverpool beat Huddersfield 5-0 exactly one year ago today. What do you think about that? What do you think about the passing of time? Severely jet- do you think about the passing of time? Severely jet lagged, yeah. That kind of coming up in my feed in the last week and, yeah, realising that I'd left for that trip a year ago. Yeah, what do I think about the passing of time?

I mean, it's pretty undeniable. I'd love to sit here and debate whether or not it happens. It's pretty undeniable. I'd love to sit here and debate whether or not it happens. I'd like to sit here and say that all events are happening at once concurrently, that there's no such thing as time, but I just don't have it in me. I've done my research and I can't really debate it. I'm going to have to agree with you that it has been a year.

Thank you. Thank you for being the bigger man. I appreciate that. Yeah. Yeah. You bought yourself a little Liverpool beanie, and I was saying online, I have not seen it since. Where is it, Tommy?

You wore it to the match. It's in my cupboard. I have worn it a couple of times, and I'm sure you've seen me wear it at least once since we got back. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I definitely have worn it. Yeah, it's – I don't wear a lot of beanies. I bought it there because it was really cold,

was the main inspiration for buying it. But, yeah, I don't really tend to go for a beanie. I don't really like how they look on me too much. But it's there. It comes out from time to time if I'm at home and I get cold. Well, if you're ever looking to get rid of it, put it on eBay because at the moment I seem to be in isolation just buying anything that says Liverpool online at the moment. So you'll definitely get a taker on eBay.

That would have been if i could have somehow secretly sold it to you without you realizing that you were buying it from me that would have been truly fucking incredible if you were like oh look at this beanie i got on ebay it's similar to the one you had and i'm like look at the label carl and it's just like i've written in tiny text to hey mates that truly would have been so amazing. Yeah, that's funny. I once had a – when I was in a share house, a mate had a CD that I'd always wanted to have and I was like, man, I'd love to get that off you.

And then one day he just got so poor that he – I didn't realise but he got rid of it. I was like at Cash Converters one day looking for stuff and I saw that CD and I grabbed it and I came home and went, do you still have your CD of this band? And he's like, no, I went to Cash Converters. So I like bought it for, you know, $7 or something, Cash Converters, and he'd sold it for $3 or something.

And I'm like, you fucking idiot. I would have paid $20 to you or whatever it was. He's just like, I just didn't want to be ashamed by you finding out about it. It's like, wow, you've got the worst of both worlds now, you fucking poverty idiot. Absolutely couldn't have panned out worse for him. What was the CD? Do you remember?

It was a pretty fucked band called Faxed Head. Okay. Very hardcore metal, weird band, yeah. Were they like pretty niche? Yes. I'll tell you exactly. Here's something that you'll connect to, not that this is a big deal for everyone out there, but in the world of comedy, the lead singer of Fax Head was Greg Turkington, who is Neil

Hamburger. Neil Hamburger, yes. I think you've told me about this band before, but the reason I ask is because they sound like a relatively obscure band. It seems like a very weird album for cash converters to decide to buy off someone. In Ballarat as well. In Ballarat, yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever gone to a used CD or DVD store and tried to – they're pretty discerning about what they'll take.

Like I had this big box of DVDs when I moved house into the house I lived in before this one, took them into a place around the corner that bought used DVDs. And the guy, just brutal, the guy looking through my collection being like, we've got enough copies of Anchorman. Thanks very much. Just being very snide about it. So the idea of cash converters in Ballarat being like,

fuck yeah, we've got to get this on the shelf. But it paid off. You bought it. So maybe they were monitoring that conversation. Like maybe, you know, they must have somehow known. I think you've tried to sell DVDs right as DVDs were probably going out, whereas this guy's selling CDs 20 years ago. So I think they weren't as discerning back then.

I think they were fine. Cashiers will just take anything, yeah. Yeah, they were still taking Boz Skaggs records and stuff like that. So, yeah, they didn't care what they got. But, yeah, look, good episode, good to get. You know, I think we're going to be okay. I think this show is going to survive COVID-19. I think we're going to be okay.

Yeah, I think it might be the only thing that survives COVID-19. Oh, really? Wow. Every business and restaurant just shuts down and we're still just podcasting, doing Patreon eps in spite of the fact that we're making no money from it because no one has any income anymore. But, you know, we're just such masters of the craft and we just have such a deep love for what we do that, you know,

we'll never stop. Well, I was reading, you know, everything changes so quickly. So, you know, this is not news or anything. By the time this comes out, the episode comes out, things will be different again maybe. But we're in Melbourne. It's spoilers. We're in Melbourne, Victoria, Australia.

That's where we're broadcasting from at the moment. And we've got certain sort of restrictions that, you know, different states differ their particular restrictions. I was reading today, you know, we've still got our sort of like more than two people can't gather, that sort of thing. I think Perth, I think Perth have now upped theirs to 10 or so. So I was like, okay, well, you know, there's now a possibility to do a very small live show maybe in Perth.

But you know what's strange is that Perth have eased off their restrictions, but their restrictions were never that deep to begin with. Like, people were still going to the beach like a week ago. You could still have like a lot of people at a beach. Like, I don't think they've really at any point been hit as hard by it yet. So, for them to be like, we're easing up, up it's like you haven't even really done it like that's a yeah a strange spin of the narrative but um but yeah i see what you're saying i mean the borders are closed we can't fly there so but i mean you and me we we hop in the car we drive

across the nuller border to a show in perth to 10 people sounds like a great idea sounds like a great time investment but you know there's not much else on. Why not spend a two-week round trip getting across the country to make $100? Well, hey, look, maybe we can find the 10 people that are still unaffected by the boom busting over there. Get Gina Reinhardt as one of them. Really pick Kerry Stokes. Get some of the richest people in Perth and just make them $1,000 tickets. And, you know, I think it could be still good. I think that would be still a cool show.

Wouldn't you like to go out there and perform to Gina Reinhardt as part of 10 people in the audience? Yeah, I mean, I can't say it's something that's ever crossed my mind as something I've thought, hey, that would be good to do before. But now hearing it presented to me, it's like there's no good reason to say no. It sounds pretty good. You think of her, and when I think of her, I think good comedy audience member.

She'd be a big laugh, I reckon. Just very, very into it, I reckon. Yeah, she'd get right into it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Would you be wanting to do crowd work with her when you come out? Absolutely, yes. What do you do? I'm the richest woman Australia's ever had.

Oh, yeah? Get her. Get her. Fuck. Can I have a job? Come on, man. Fuck. Fuck.

Wow. Okay, two of those ten people have walked out, so we've lost a fifth of the audience oh this is worse than the fucking plane gig oh god oh no um yeah i think this show is going to be all right but i'll tell you what i am that my my uh my tolerance for doing pods over zoom is wearing pretty thin it It's brutal. But we're still able to get the magic happening and that's all that counts. Well, maybe sooner rather than later things will slightly change. Restrictions might slightly change.

Maybe it's going to be a little bit easier. But we'll see. We'll see. We're all being very good boys and girls at the moment respectively. So hopefully. I love the idea of restrictions lifting in a manner that means that we're still doing the actual episode over Zoom, but you and I are able to get together to do Talking Dum Dum in the same room. So it's us in the same room reflecting about something that we did over a webcam.

I think that would be a pretty interesting dynamic. Yeah. Have I said this on the show? I just keep thinking about this. You know, people, when it first started happening, everyone's working from home and everyone's like, oh, my God, this is going to be like, this is going to change everything because now everyone knows they can work from home.

So why would you ever go to work again right and then i reckon about a week to two weeks later i think the feeling might be now oh my god i'm never going to want to work from home again this is fucked like all of a sudden i never want to be in my yeah i never want to be in my house again after this. Once COVID-19 is done, I'm moving out of this apartment. I'm putting some possessions into a little bindle, and I'm never going home. I'm off these four walls. I'm sleeping under bridges. I'm just going to probably overdose within a week of the pubs being reopened.

That's it for me. Are you going gonna really just make the most of the situation reversing and just yeah get out of that house and just sleep in crowds from now on wherever you see a lot of people gathering you just follow those crowds around just to really just just average yourself out over the year yeah just pumped up to do that thing they do at the mcg where you everyone sleeps on the ground at the g to raise money for homelessness but that's but that's there's no charity involved this time it's just pure like getting our rocks off of like how fucking good's this it's you're doing that no charity and it's not even an organized event it's just there's a game on and you're sleeping in the stands with like 60 000 other people just going nuts oh fuck absolutely i can't

wait um but yeah no you're totally right like anyone any like i was telling you this the other day i've had a handful of conversations with people talking about who do podcasts talking about this going like oh it's just so much better i'm loving doing the podcasts over skype it's so much better what the fuck are you talking about? How much of a fucking robot are you that you're that happy to not have the human contact of riffing in the same room as the boys? Get fucked. Can you name them or no? You probably can't name who these fucking monsters are.

No, I'd prefer not to because it is someone I genuinely like. And it's not someone that's within the canon of this show, so it might not mean a lot to a lot of people. All right. We'll absolutely fucking destroy these fucking freaks after the show. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. But speaking of freaks, a lot of people subscribe to us on Patreon

and donate to the show. Thank you very, very much for doing that. And, of course, a lot of people have subscribed to us on Patreon and donated to the show. Thank you very, very much for doing that. And, of course, a lot of people have upped their Patreon, have joined Patreon to get themselves through this lockdown situation to get a lot more content in their precious, beautiful little ear holes. And thank you very much for doing that. And I hope you've been enjoying it. We've been pumping up a lot of extra content.

Of course, you get this, our show for nothing every Wednesday, but if you want more of that, more, heaps more, you can go to patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub and you get, not only do you get more, but you feed and clothe two little boys from Melbourne every week. Yep. And we sort of, you know, we've each built a well each. We've got fresh drinking water.

And we write you a letter every week to tell you about our schooling, about how it's going. So if you want some of that. And also at the moment you're helping to feed and enable two crippling online shopping addictions that we'll talk about in the main episode of the show. So we cannot, like I said in the episode, it's the new pub. A package turning up every couple of days.

He's doing so much for morale around here at the Masturbatorium. And so from the bottom of my heart to everyone who subscribes on Patreon, thank you for being a small part of what makes that happen for me every other day. Yeah. I got one this morning and I did my little squeal. I did a little squee and then skipped into the house to open up and see what it was. It was a very, very, very Christmas day. Very Christmas morning style.

I spent the weekend feeling very good about my chances of at least one of the packages turning up on monday but i was left wanting today oh i meant to say this in the episode one interesting thing about living in an apartment building and having a big mail room is you do get a bit of a glimpse into what's currently popular online just by the uh by the branding of various boxes that shows up in the, in the mail room every day. And I'll tell you what, the big winner of COVID-19 based on my research down there every day is Nespresso. They are absolutely on one as far as this apartment building is concerned.

Lots of happy little pod customers getting their little, getting their little mocha blends delivered to them every, every day or so. Yeah, they're fucking killing it at the moment. Yeah. Right, right. I haven't quite figured out what Don't Say Her Name is buying, but she seems to be buying a lot of stuff. I don't know what it is, but she's into it.

I'm just getting a text as I'm looking at you over Zoom. I'm just getting an endless barrage of texts that ronnie chang is sending me that is just very on on point very on brand just sending me links to things other than zoom that we can record this pod over so oh yeah okay that's helpful yeah very helpful mid pod um uh but let's uh speaking of that let's um let's let's talk about the people that are funding these sex in the city style shopping spas. What an arc for you and I, just shopping it up online every night. I love it. This is the most we've had in common in a very long time in terms of our lives just perfectly lighting up in the house, just slamming the buy now button nonstop. I do a to-do list every day, right?

I really try, especially at the moment where I'm trying to justify my life. I'm trying to justify what I'm doing in lockdown. You're not just sitting there doing nothing. Let's get some stuff done. Let's use this time proactively. So I'm running this huge to-do list. You know, let's use this time proactively. So I'm running this huge to-do list.

Like number five on the to-do list at the moment, like for today, is just buy stuff online. Just a reminder for me to get to buy stuff so that something can turn up and make me excited in about 13 days. Wow. Why don't we do a – what about this? Why don't we do like a secret Santa thing for each other where we set like a whatever it is, like $15 limit. I'll order something that I think you would enjoy

to be delivered to your house and vice versa. And then when we get them, we can do it. What's a good limit? $15, $20, $15? What's like not over the top? I reckon $20. I reckon $20. $20 is good.

Yeah, just a lobster. A lobster each. That's the item itself. That doesn't20. $20 is good. $20 is, yeah, $20, just a lobster, a lobster each. That's the item itself. That doesn't include postage because if you start to factor postage in, some countries that's going to leave you no money for the actual purchasing. But, okay, let's do it. That's good. $20, not Secret Santa, Secret Fuckhead because it's not Christmas.

It's just year-round being a fuckhead with buying stuff online. Christmas. It's just year-round being a fuckhead with buying stuff online. Unless we go secret. What's Secret Carrie? Secret Carrie Bradshaw. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Secret Mr. Big.

Secret Mr. Big. And we're trying to... We need to be clear on the brief. So we're trying to... What do you want to make it? Something that we think the other one will enjoy that they wouldn't have come across themselves. Yeah? Yeah, I guess. Is it funny in any way or is it just a good present?

Yeah, what do you think? yeah what do you think should it be uh or should it should it maybe be something that we think would be good for content for the pod i reckon it should be a combo it should be a combo of all of it like it shouldn't be like you you shouldn't just buy me a liverpool hat because then it's like oh yeah next week thanks for the hat tommy okay right it should be it should be something that we're not gonna you're not gonna chuck out it's something that you're not going to chuck out. It's something that you're going to like, you might use, but it's also just a good idea, a funny idea as well. Yeah.

There's some sort of funny element to it. Yeah. Something worth talking about that's actually good. Yeah, that's not just like, oh, yeah, I got a dog shit and mailed it to you. Ha, ha, ha. Yeah. Yeah. That's not bad, but yeah, okay.

Yeah. All right. We can't use that one. Yeah. Yeah. It's got to be secret. All right. Secret. Secret.

It can't be public carry. It's got to be secret carry. Secret. Yeah. Secret carry. All right. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, given how the postal service is going at the moment, we may as well call it Secret Santa because fucking no packages are getting here until probably december anyway at this point yeah yeah oh no i'm excited i'm excited yeah um this will this will this will be on my to-do list tomorrow morning now this will be after buy stuff online buy stuff for tommy all right but yes we need to say thank you to some of the people who support the show on Patreon. We do a different number of these every week. We have the unplanned title alternator. I mean, yeah, I've got to say I'm missing human contact, but I'm also missing probably more than that.

I'm missing being in the same room as the unplanned title alternator. It's just not the same. Slightly out of sync looking at it on a screen. Yeah, it's good. I have to wash it every five minutes. That's just the updates I'm getting through from the people at the unplanned title alternator. People at UTA Inc. are saying that that's apparently what we have to do

to make sure that it doesn't catch a computer virus. I just have to wash the whole computer. I've got it out in the little courtyard. I've got the hose on it most days. Yeah, just get up, hose it off, go and have breakfast, come back, hose it off, feed the baby, come back, hose it off. Yeah, well, that's the world we're all living in at the moment. You've got to be safe.

Yeah, yeah. And, yeah, sing a song. Sing Bohemian Rhapsody as I'm hosing it off every time. As you're hosing it off. Wow, every time. Jesus Christ. That's a long hosing. Yeah, I'm getting quite a voice.

Yeah, exactly. Waterpill must be going through the roof. Yeah, but, you know, it's worth it to get these handful of names correct every week. So let's kick that off this week. I'm hitting the big red wet button right now. Let's find out. Number one, cab off the rank. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber James Holt.

James Holt. Now, I wonder if this man is a descendant of, and prepare to have that hat blown off your head. Prepare to have your socks absolutely rocked. But there was a previous prime minister of this great country by the name of Harold Holt who went missing after taking a swim under sort of mysterious circumstances. Now, in, I believe it's East Malvern near where I grew up.

There's a pool, a public pool. Now, I know you're probably hearing this and you're thinking. Hang on, hang on, hang on. I thought we were talking about the Prime Minister. No, no, no. I'm about to say. You're probably thinking like these two completely unconnected trains of thought. What is the thing that links them together other than the very tenuous link

of both involving a body of water? Yeah, a bit random for my liking at the moment. But okay, I'll allow it. It's freaking random. But if you think that's random, then strap in. Because the name of the pool is the Harold Holt Swimming Pool. Now, if you can remember a few moments ago, I described the way that this Prime Minister

went missing was in the ocean. You know, this suggests that he's in some way a bad swimmer. Maybe he's drowned. You know, people still don't know. But you have to question, you have to question the logic behind these people building this pool and thinking to themselves, let's name it after the Prime Minister who went missing in the ocean. I mean, that's like if you had a fucking school for getting shot in the head and you called it the JFK school, you know?

Oh, okay, right. Okay, now I'm starting. Now, yeah, look, with the metaphor, now I sort of am getting what you're dishing out. Okay. Yeah, look, that's interesting. That's a fresh take on that. Look, I've heard a lot of people talking about the East Malvern Harold Memorial Pool and I've heard a lot of people talking about him drowning,

but I didn't put two and two together until you've connected the dots like that. Right. I started to think, wow, I wish someone else had come up with it. Surely someone else should have come up with that before. You've come up with it now. That's been there a long time. That's a weird...

Came up with what? That's been sitting in plain sight the whole time, that idea of connecting things together. What, the idea to name the pool after him? No, I didn't come up with the idea to name the pool. I'm just saying that it's funny. Right. No, no, that's not what I meant. I mean how you've sort of drawn the two together and said,

isn't it weird that this guy's drowned but yet they've named a swimming pool after him in which you can potentially drown. That's quite weird. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I see what you're saying. Right. You're starting to see what I'm saying, which is what you're saying. Yeah, yeah.

No, I mean, I guess me having that thought, you know, a lot of people have been talking about what they're going to do in isolation and what they want to get done. And, you know, a lot of people have talked about how, you know, Shakespeare wrote King Lear while he was in isolation. get done and you know a lot of people have talked about how um you know shakespeare wrote king leo while he was in isolation and this was the task that i set myself was to write the greatest piece of comedy of all time right so i think years from now i'll be looked on as the shakespeare of this um of this pandemic uh having come up with the uh the the fact that it's a little bit fruity

some might say to have named named a pool after a prime minister who disappeared in a large body of water. Right. So they say that if you put an infinite amount of monkeys in a room, they'd write all of Shakespeare's works. But this is the thing. If you put one monkey in a room, he'll write a Harold Holt pool joke. Is that what's going on here at the moment?

No, I disagree. I think you need infinite monkeys plus one because that's how far above the work of Shakespeare, not to toot my own horn, but that's how far beyond the bard I think that this great piece of observational material I've come up with is. Oh, well, it's beyond Shakespeare and it's also beyond einstein to have infinity plus one that's exactly thank you thank you yeah it's thank you and scene uh that was the the sketch where we pretend to write the most fucking repeated most obvious joke in australian comedy history thank, everyone, for coming along. Not bad. Thank you, James Holt, for being the inspiration behind all of that.

Thanks, James. Next Patreon subscriber, Jimmy Blackbox. Thank you to Patreon subscriber, Darren Kent. Oh. You like that? The sun's gone down. It's officially nighttime. Let's get a little bawdy.

You know what I'm thinking? Let's get a little bit rude on the podcast. Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. Uh-oh, uh-oh. We've had him. We've had him. We've had him. Damn, I knew it was too good to be true.

Yeah, it did sound a little bit familiar to my ears. Let's start again. Thank you too good to be true. Yeah, it did sound a little bit familiar to my ears. Let's start again. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber number two for this week, Aaron Lewin. Lewin? Yeah. L-L-A-W-Y-N? L-E-W-I-N.

Ooh, interesting. Oh, if you think that's interesting, I've got something even more interesting for you, Tommy Daslow. Aaron, A-R-O-N. Just the one A? Just the one. Damn. What do you think about that?

What a waste of the name Aaron. Agree. Completely agree. Completely agree. It's like, why call someone Aaron if you don't want to get that sweet little head start at the start of the roll call and dictionary and everything like that? I mean, let's be real. Aaron. The animal, the aardvark.

The only reason anyone gives a fuck about it is the double A in the name. The world's most forgettable animal otherwise, if it didn't have that sweet, bizarre name. Yeah. Oh, and also, I mean, again, I don't know everything about animals. I know you probably think I do, but I'm sorry to let you down like this. Isn't an aardvark basically an anteater? So anteater was already fucking really close up to the top of the dictionary.

Right. It's A-N. A-N. You don't get too much closer. And then they've just gone, oh, let's give it another name and just double A it. Yep, yep. They're probably like albatross getting in there, probably gave the people in at anteater HQ the irrits, and they thought, well, you know, we can getting in there probably probably gave the people in it uh in it anti to hq the

irits and they thought well you know we can get in there but what i want to know is this name this spelling of aaron what do you think's happened here do you think this is parents wanting to go against the grain and you know have a bit of a unique um spelling for their son or do you think it's like that they just literally didn't know how to spell it is this by design or is this a fuck up i love the idea that it's a fuck up i'd i'd prefer it to be a fuck up because i think it's like i i don't understand the the you know the life that they've given this this kid where it's like all right your name's aaron with only one a and then on purpose knowing that he's saying what i've just said then for the rest of his life.

No, only with one A. No. Yep. It's just got the one A. It's just got the one A. It's just got the one A. Yeah, no, Aaron with one A. It's just got one A.

So you're saying he's at Starbucks and he's hearing someone be like, coffee for Aaron? And he's like, no, it's Aaron. He's probably got like a different pronunciation. He's probably like you've got to be really short and sharp on the A. You know what would be cool actually is if they'd spelt it A-R-A-N and so then he can't say, no, only one A because it's got an A towards the end. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That would really fuck you. That'd absolutely fuck your name forever. You might as well kill yourself. And then they'll probably misspell your name on the gravestone as well. So it just doesn't stop. I feel like we have a lot of riffs in this bit that are sort of based on the idea of like imagine a parent wanting to cunt their son when it's literally five minutes old

just being like yeah i'll show this little prick this will this will fucking fix his wagon good yeah um well elvis presley's middle name was a is – it was spelt – which one was it? I think it was – I think it was – which way was the correct spelling? I'm just going to look it up. Okay. You hear something like that and my takeaway from that story is like honestly, like why do anything? You know what I mean?

Like if you're going to be him who's like has this incredible career, one of the most famous people to ever exist and you still can't get enough respect for your name to be spelt right on the tombstone, then what's the point? What's the point of any of us doing anything, you know? This is very – wow, this is funny. So his name was Aaron, spelt with one A. His middle name was Aaron, spelt with one A.

Right. And then the gravestone's got two A's. Okay. And so they're like – so everyone's complaining to the company that made the gravestone going, how did you fuck this so bad? How did you misspell Elvis Presley's name on a gravestone? Fucking hell. And then he's gone.

Then the maker of the gravestone has come back and gone, that's what they ordered. Here it is. This is the order from Graceland. This is the order from the Presleys. They spelled it with two A's. And then he's actually dubbed them in and gone, his wife Priscilla and his daughter Lisa Marie

everyone close to him have all seen it if it was wrong you'd think they'd want it fixed how about you ask them great I love this guy this guy rules and by the way if you thought he ruled then I'll let you know

what his name is. And I wish he'd subscribed to this podcast. The marketing manager of Matthews International Corporation. His name is Danny Majestic. I love this guy. This guy fucking rules. Just getting out there and putting the Presleys on blast is fucking sick. Danny Majestic.

Danny Majestic. sick danny majestic think of the life you could think of the life you could lead with the with the confidence of being called danny majestic your whole life well i'm sure you know we've we've seen in the last kind of month or so uh you know in isolation kind of pushing this along but people people getting right into the documentary tiger king you know there's the michael jordan documentary at the moment documentary is a big business now. It seems like, at a certain point in history, every vaguely colourful character will have a documentary made about them.

I wouldn't mind betting that there's a Danny Majestic Netflix doco series in the pipeline. That's what I want to see. I don't want to know about the man himself. I want to know about the guy that spelt the name wrong on the tombstone. I want to go all the way back through his family history not not the tiger king the spellcheck king danny majestic yeah yeah um that was you

know what was funny is this is probably slightly before your time maybe but you know having lived a good chunk of your life before the internet like i remember them you know like conspiracies there's still conspiracies now but there were there were dumber conspiracies before the internet because there was no way of basically proving anything like you don't really hear too much about you know bigfoot and the loch ness monster and ghosts as much now because i feel like the internet sort of it sort of wrecked all that maybe. A little bit, yeah. Yeah, including this. You know, there used to be a lot of like, oh, Elvis isn't really dead. Yeah. And, you know, that's been abandoned over time, I think. But I remember there were like serious shows that used to be on about, yeah, Elvis isn't really dead.

I remember watching one in prime time hosted by Bill Bixby once who played Bruce Banner in the Incredible Hulk series in the 70s. But I remember it was like a hotline. It was like some sort of telethon they were running, like ring in now if you've spotted Elvis lately. And this is like 1985 or something. Ring in. And it was just like people ringing in going, oh, we saw a fat guy the other day.

It might have been him. They were like, wow, let's look into this. But one of the things that they were really sort of holding on to like this you know several things that they were holding on to about like why how elvis might not be dead they reckon like a big clue is that you know that the aaron isn't spelled properly on his gravestone it's like imagine that imagine like faking your own death and then going no but i should leave some clues out there. I should just make sure my middle name is misspelt just to let everyone know.

Even though I've deliberately faked my death because I want to get out of this life and never be seen again, I should leave a bit of a hint there for people. Exactly. It's like I'm going to all this trouble, but I want to make it – I want to leave hints not just to give people a heads up, but to give the weirdest and most obsessive people out there the heads up that I'm still around. Yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean? It's really only alerting the kind of person who you would – who you're probably faking your death because of them in the first place. You know what I mean? These like obsessive people that are like knocking on your door all the time. You're not going to tip them off. Yeah. I love the brain that goes, oh, the middle name's misspelt.

That means he's still alive. What sort of thinking is that? That just means someone at the gravestone company is a fucking moron. That's not a thing at all. That's nothing. Well, theles one is great which bit which beetle is it that people think that there's some people that think was uh yeah died and was replaced and that's that's classic too like yeah they left little clues all over the

album covers and in the songs it's like who the fuck like just pulling off this great crime and then just like still singing about it is insane behaviour. Yeah, but that was even better because the whole conspiracy was, I think the guy's name was Billy Shears. That was the concept that Paul McCartney died in a car accident and so they replaced him with an absolute identical twin somehow and got this guy surgery um and

then just put him back in the band like like that's like that's the most important thing to get someone that looked exactly the same so yes some somehow he still wrote great songs as well and all that sort of stuff um but just just fucking crazy just uh to like i understand like all the fun around it whatever but just to think that in the 60s they had the technology to find some random person and make them look like paul mccartney like look at the plastic surgery getting around in 2020 and how bad most of it is right technology back then yeah yeah yeah and yeah it's funny. It's a shame. That black and white TV. That black and white TV when this surgery was apparently done.

Well, who knows? I mean, maybe they got lucky. Maybe he just died and then they just saw him walk past an open window. But, I mean, it is a shame that you don't get that kind of conspiracy theory anymore. I mean, maybe they're out there, but you just have to go into the deeper pockets of the internet. But in terms of like everyone has heard the conspiracy theory about Elvis or the Beatles,

but like any of the main ones that are going around, I'm sure there's people that think crazy stuff about like Bieber or whatever, but it's got more of a platform than ever, but it's never going to take hold. Everyone's saving their conspiracies for 9-11 and stuff like that, government stuff. Get some pop music conspiracies. Save some of your gunpowder for, I don't know, Coldplay.

some of your gunpowder for, you know, like, I don't know, cold play. So is your hypothesis that 9-11 is the Elvis Presley of the modern age? Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. That's a Billy Shears. My conspiracy is they replaced the towers and they're still, they're actually still there.

They're actually still there. They're actually still there. Wow, that's really good. That's a really good one. You've really got your work cut out for you trying to get that one across the line. I found an identical twin towers and put them back up there. Just replaced them. Yeah, that's sick. That's my conspiracy.

Also, very quickly, I sort of told you half the story of this the other day, but one of my favorite conspiracy – it's not really a conspiracy, but it's similar to what we're talking about is I went down a rabbit hole reading about male porn stars and there's a famous male porn star called Peter North, one of the legends of the industry. Can I very quickly say we weren't really talking about this. You were talking about it with Adam Knox and you started talking about it while I got up from the computer to go to the toilet

and when I came back, you were halfway through holding court about gay porn stars. Don't give it away. Don't give it away. Don't give it away. I'm thrilled. I'm thrilled to hear about how this, yeah, what the actual story is here. So the story is Peter North, legendary porn star. Have you ever heard of that guy, Peter North?

No. Right. One of the main, one of the stalwarts of the industry in the, I guess, 90s and 80s and maybe a bit of 2000s probably. Anyway, he – I believe something like he started doing – he started in gay porn and then like changed his name to Peter North and then did straight porn. changed his name to peter north and then did straight porn and then people were like finding him in gay porn and going hang on is this is this you doing gay porn and him going no that's not me and they're like we're pretty sure it is that's you that's actually you like it's there's there's like several videos of you doing this and he's like no that's not me and he's like like it's this is what you would call proof he's's like, no, no, no.

That's just CGI. And he was full on trying to argue that in 1982, someone was trying to like set him up to look like he was in gay porn by having the technology to put his face on a gay porn actor. Yeah. Sick. In a gay porno in 1982. It was like, man, they didn't have the fucking technology back then.

Bruce Lee died around that time and they stuck a piece of paper with his face on it on a mirror to make it look like he was looking into the mirror. They didn't have the – like even if they did it in Star Wars, they would have fucked it up, let alone some gay porn that was worth about $500. And for what reason? To make it look like this guy was in gay porn? Yeah, so this guy, he's basically, he basically, you could argue,

invented deep fake technology. He planted the seed of the idea. He starts talking about this just like wild made-up thing that people supposedly did and somewhere out there a young budding tech guru has gone, that's actually not a bad idea. If you could work on this tech and be able to do that with someone, the possibilities are endless.

Well, it's like they say. With every new bit of technology, they tend to say that a lot of decisions are made because of porn. Because of porn, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. A lot of distribution, a lot of computer, a lot of internet are made because of porn. Because of porn, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, a lot of distribution, a lot of computer, a lot of internet sort of stuff. They're all thinking about possible porn consumers when they're making those decisions.

Well, just another example. Well, I think famously it's like whenever there's been two competing formats, whichever one porn has chosen is what wins out historically. So like Blu-ray versus I think it was HD, DVD, VHS and beta. So deepfake technology is taking off and it's because of its links to this Peter North in gay porno whereas there's probably some kind of other competing technology for putting people's faces onto things

that we're never going to hear about because porn chose deepfake. people's faces onto things that we're never going to hear about because porn shows deep fake. Maybe that's – I've been looking for a conspiracy to really get my head into. Maybe that's the one I'm going to choose. That's the hill I'm going to die on. I'm going to go back and just talk about that Peter North was – some 65-year-old guy. He's probably 65 now or something.

No, no, no, I don't care. When you were 19, you were in a gay porno. I'm just going to hound him. I'm going to be like that church, that crazy church in America that just turns up at everything. Oh, Westborough? Westborough Baptist Church. I'm going to be like that.

I'm going to turn up at everything there is just for the sign that says, Peter North did gay porn. Right. And the idea that you're starting this immediately and breaking social distancing and isolation regulations in order to do this is just a great use of the law. But that'll get even more press because at the moment there's just no one anywhere.

So if you see one person with a placard anywhere, they're going to be like, fuck, what's this guy doing yeah this is interesting yeah great okay great i've got it i've got it that's well you know what i don't want to give you too many ideas i don't want to spoil anything but you know with that 20 i'm sure you could buy a decent looking little placard online but you know up to. Oh, yeah. Oh, right. So we're talking gay porn. I thought the suggestion was going to be get you a butt plug. Thanks, Aaron. Thanks, Aaron. Jesus Christ, I felt like that one went for about 20 minutes.

I think it did. Let's get a bit quicker. I can hear my child screaming. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Lauren Watson. Lauren Watson. Elementary, my dear Lauren, as they say in classics. Very nice. In Sherlock Homosexual, the old novel where they tried to say that a detective was straight.

Yeah, yeah. I think it's a deep fake. I think that's a deep fake as well. That has to exist as an actual porno, right? Yeah. Sherlock homo. It must. It's got to.

There's got to there's got to be there's what about this Sherlock Homo and the and the hog of the Baskervilles yes yeah yeah yeah

with the last name Baskerville with a big dick that that then Sherlock Homo walks up to with his magnifying glass

and it just gets fucking 12 foot long that's that is a good porno. That's a good porno. Damn, I wish I knew more about the character of Sherlock Holmes because I feel like I could really do some good stuff with this. There's Watson, yeah. There's Assistant Watson.

He's in London. He's got a little hat on. Yeah, a little hat. Yeah, I mean none of these are things that really explicitly lend themselves to the kind of... Well, what about Moriarty was his enemy, his big enemy. You know, Jack the Ripper was around that time. Anything? Anything in there? I mean, if you bring Jack the Ripper in, if it's like Sherlock getting If you bring Jack the Ripper in, if it's like Sherlock getting bummed by Jack the Ripper, Jack the Rooter.

Jack me off the Ripper? There we go. There we go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. All right.

I don't know enough about Sherlock Holmes. That's a real... Does anyone engage with that stuff anymore? Yeah, but anyone that's watching Sherlock Homo isn't like going, feels like the co-author didn't know enough about his initial source here. Like this is not cool. Yeah, good point. So if I'm writing the gay porno Sherlock Homo, I can just have just random characters come in who are gay

and it doesn't matter that they're. Well, you've got enough. We worked out about five things then. That's enough. is come in who are gay and it doesn't matter that they're well you've got enough you know we worked out about five things then that's enough it's it's yeah no one's seeing like a dick going into an ass and going yeah but uh this he wouldn't have he wouldn't have done this at this time like that was you know 1882 um anal hadn't been invented then the greeks hadn't come to england and gone check this out well saying that people wouldn't bother to complain about something like that, it's almost as if you're a person who doesn't do a podcast.

Because you and I full know the petty lengths that people are willing, more than willing to go to in this day and age, especially now that they've got nothing but time on their hands in isolation. So, look, maybe you're right, but I still wouldn't want to chance it. I hate to say it, I'm withdrawing my funds from this project. I'm backing out. I'm not funding this one anymore. Okay.

All right. All right. Well, okay. I'm going to have to look for offshore funding for this one. Yep. Okay. I'll push on. Thanks, Lauren.

Thanks, Lauren. Thanks, Lauren. What a beautiful story to hear off the back of your name, waiting patiently for your name for however many months to hear that riff off your name. This poor young woman then sitting here and just for three minutes hearing Imagine Being Gay. Thanks, Lauren. Wonderful stuff.

Watto. You've done it again. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Ann Chu. Ann Chu. C-H-I-E-W. Oh, didn't see that coming. I thought we were going for just straight up C-H-I-E-W. Oh, didn't see that coming. I thought we were going for just straight up C-H-U. No, no, no.

No, mate. No, mate. There's a little bit more to it than you think. There's always more than meets the eye. Another vowel, shall we say. And chew. Chew. What nationality do you think that is?

No, I wouldn't like to speculate. I think I've said enough offensive stuff on Talking Dumb Dumb this week. That's fair enough. Maybe we can get into it next week. I'll save my one token for next week. All right. Any old business? Yes.

Okay. What part of the world would this woman be from? Yeah, I don't mind it though. Like if I had to pick an Asian surname, you know, this would be up there. I don't mind it at all. Okay, so you are speculating. You think it's Asian. Oh, I'm just starting a new conversation.

I mean, look. Oh, okay. Look think it's Asian? Oh, I'm just starting a new conversation. I mean, look. Oh, okay. Look, let's be fair. Asia, you're saying was part of the world. I thought you would want to go more specific than that. But yeah, look, I think I'm brave enough to put my hand up and say yes. I believe it might be from Asia. See, when I thought it was spelled C-H-U, I felt pretty confident saying that.

But now with this spelling, I'm not so sure. I don't know. I've been shaken. Really? Yeah. Okay. I mean, look, no one asked me to do this. No one's holding my feet to the fire demanding that I make a call one way or the other. But yeah, something about it kind of changed for me in my head. Are you looking her up on Facebook?

I mean, look, you know what? I could always just deep fake her into being in a photo from China and go, well, there you go, proven correct. Well, put it this way. I'm looking it up and it's not looking un-Asian. That's what I'll say. Okay. It.

Yeah. Well, the name. The name is what I'll say. Oh's what I'll say. Okay. It. Yeah. Well, the name. The name is what I'll say. Oh, the name. Okay. Okay, right, right. Yeah, yeah. I'm Googling it.

Now I'm Facebooking everyone called Ann Chu. Right. Again, the people aren't looking un-Asian. Okay. Sure. Cool. Yeah. Cool.

That's all you need to say. Can we possibly get cancelled for saying that Andrew might be Asian? Someone doesn't look un-Asian. Yeah. I think they'd have to – I think there's so many – I think there's so many double – there's such a double negative in that statement that's going to trip them up for long enough that we'll be able to make a speedy getaway by the time they've worked out what the fuck it even is that we're actually saying.

So I think we're in the clear. Also, I think they've got their hands full with Sherlock Homo. So they've got bigger fish to fry, I think. Right. Yeah. Right, right. Yeah, probably a lot of people have turned off by this point and they're, you know. Yeah.

Or extremely turned on. That's one way of looking at it. Well, thanks, Anne. All that gay porn we've been talking about. Extremely turned on. That's one way of looking at it. Well, thanks, Anne. All that gay porn we've been talking about. Very erotic stuff. Which reminds me. Look, I'll put this out to the listener.

I'll put it out to you. I don't know if you were 100% on board with this, but after we talked about hardcore Seinfeld the other week, I was like, I'm into it. I want to make it the new rad dad and have like a segment have have a little sketch hardcore seinfeld what let us know what you think out there i'm a fan i think i think tommy's on the other side of the fence he's like he's got eternity to play within his house he's got nothing to do he's flat and he's still going nah not for me. No, I just think it's like that already exists. Like we talked about there's already a Seinfeld porno. I think we'd be better – our skills would be better used crafting pornos

that don't already exist. I don't want to double up with it. I don't want to be able to have our work be compared to something that's already out there. I want to do like the Rad Dad porno. I want to find TV shows that don't have pornos about them yet, you know? Yeah, I think, yeah, maybe. I don't know.

Just sitting inside and watching Seinfeld every night has just got me. I'm just watching every night and just looking at them and going, yeah, but imagine if they fucked right now. It's just got me absolutely inspired. Well, yeah, but I mean, that's the other thing. It's like, if you just want to bat off to Seinfeld, you can just do that. There's no need for you to bring that fetish into the world of the show. You can just masturbate to the things that you want to masturbate to.

Yeah, but when I'm jerking off to Seinfeld, I'm thinking, but what if this was tax deductible? Like I'm trying to write it off. Right, right. Well, I mean I guess us just merely having this conversation now maybe fulfills that criteria. Also, maybe I should look into why I'm paying someone to jerk off to Seinfeld. So, I don't know.

I think it's raised more questions than answers, to be honest, at this point. So, again, Ann Chu, congratulations for waiting all this time and getting this riff off the back of your name. Thanks, Ann. Thanks, Anne. Thanks, Anne. All right. And let's just do one more. Let's just do one more.

Yeah, we've nearly done an hour now, which is – I really got to the clock early and thought this would be a short one, and it is not. Seinfeld's just about to start on free-to-air as well, and I can see your little red rocket creeping in through the bottom of that window. So, yeah, maybe we're better to keep this brief. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, all right. Thank you to our fifth and final contributor this week. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Secret Comedy.

Secret Comedy? final uh contributor this week thank you patreon subscriber secret comedy secret comedy you know like as if um uh as if we you know how we were talking about secret santa at the at the start of the show this is sort of funny oh right right imagine that imagine if like that had been talked about a lot closer to right now than before. Yeah, yeah. I kind of thought maybe it was something along the lines of, you know, like my fantastic joke about the Harold Holt pool in itself being – that's kind of secret comedy. You know, it was just hiding there. No one knew it was there until one man was brave enough to risk it all

to take on the sacred institution of the Harold Holt Pool. Yeah, that could be like that. I mean, I don't know this person. They might have been named after your joke. I don't know. But to me, just off the top of my head, it felt like that institution Secret Santa where all of a sudden someone's given you something, you don't know what it is, you don't know where you got it from.

Except with this, you've got comedy, you start laughing in the middle of nothing, you don't know why, you don't know who's made you laugh, and you go, oh, nice, I've just got some secret comedy. Yeah, okay, okay. And comedy, do you think that's Asian? It doesn't sound un-Asian to me. Yeah, okay, okay. And comedy, do you think that's Asian? It doesn't sound un-Asian to me. Me either. There is a silent X in there somewhere,

so I kind of thought maybe it is, maybe. Yeah, okay, that's all adding up. To be honest, it is spelt N-G-C-O-M-E-D-Y, so yeah, maybe it is,, it is spelt N-G-C-O-M-E-D-Y. So, yeah, maybe it is. Maybe it is. Right, yeah, definitely sounds Asian to me. Well, Secret, thanks very much. Thanks very much for supporting the Little Dumb Dumb Club

and thanks everyone who supports us on Patreon. We really, really appreciate it. Get on, if you're not already, patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. Guys, thanks for joining us, littledumbdumbclub. Guys, thanks for joining us. littledumbdumbclub.com if you want merch, links to all the other stuff that we have going on. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.