The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 506 - Lloyd Langford & Nath Valvo

Episode Date: June 10, 2020

This week we're joined for the first time by LLOYD LANGFORD and his sixth best friend NATH VALVO! We reminisce about the good old days of being allowed in the casino, Chandler's gone for an early evening jog (don't worry - it's not another one of those stories) plus Tommy's gone back to the pub and immediately lost his mind. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Lloyd Langford and Nath Valvo. Stick around at the end of the show for Talking Dumb Dumb, where we wrap up the week's events and tell you a little bit more about what's going on in our world. Is there anything else to plug? We've got our big live show November the 7th, littledumbdumbclub.com for information on that and links to our Patreon. Yeah, I agree, Tommy.

Stick around for that. Happy that you've signed off on this. Enjoy this new episode, Lloyd Langford and Nath Valvo. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. With me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler.

G'day, dickhead. We've got two guests in. We've got a first-timer. And look, the pressure's on one of them. Let's introduce him. But before we introduce the first-timer, you play nice, okay? Okay, I'll do my best. Yell out if I'm going too far.

He's very nervous, so let's welcome in Lloyd Langford and Nate Balbo. I'm the first timer. That's not true. The pressure's on you, actually, Nate, because I said to Lloyd, it's his first time on this show, so I said, who are your friends in Melbourne comedy? And he named you. That's it.

You were the sixth person we went to. The other five couldn't do it. Will Anderson, Bill Bird, Dave Hughes. I'm your first choice after six people said no. Thank you, Lloyd. I'm in your top ten. If this was MySpace days, I'd be in your top ten. I'm rethinking my choice.

Excuse me, Lloyd. You're a visitor in our country, and just because you're trapped here, we know that you wouldn't be here by choice, would you, Lloyd? They can still kick people out. You're not going on holiday, but they can still kick people out of the country. We are all friends, Lloyd. Would you still be here if you were able to leave under normal circumstances? are all friends, Lloyd. Would you still be here if you were able to leave under normal

circumstances? Well, I think it's whether I would prefer to be unemployed here or in London. Oh, yes. Well, the weather's getting slightly better over there, so I reckon that would be the better choice. That is true, but also the death rate is not going down. Oh. You've got to weigh it up. Do you like

your son or do you like having a pulse? How much do you love your grandma? He's basically the question everyone's asked themselves in the last couple of months. You've said if you've got to make anyone sick, you'd rather make Australians sick than people in the UK. So, yeah, you're stuck indefinitely, stranded in this country indefinitely.

I googled yesterday and there are flights out of Australia scheduled for September. Okay. But I don't know if those are actual flights or just provisional. Yes. Now, I don't know how all this works because people – look, my wife may or may not work for a major airline and she's sort of saying to me at night, look at these idiots, they're buying flights going to Europe in July.

What are they thinking? And I'm like, why have you put them on sale? I'm like, I don't know. This is on you. So you know, if you're listening and you bought a flight through this airline, the staff are laughing at you behind your back, knocking you to their partners.

The staff's husband is laughing at you. I'm not buying a flight to Bali for $9,000 for July, just in case, love. Yeah, what are the costs like, Lloyd, to fly to the UK in September? I've got credit vouchers from Qantas. See, that's what it is. If you buy a flight in July or whatever, it's like you rock up to the airport and it's like, we're not fucking going to Portugal. And they go, but you can have a $2,000 credit,

you know, gift voucher for next year. And you go, okay. And then you have to take an Uber back from Tullamarine and wait for 12 months. I think the flight in September

to London was like $1,600, which is doable. About normal, right? Yeah, that's okay. See, they should just be, if they had mad deals on, then that would be exciting. It's like, you know what?

I'm going to play the odds here, get myself a cheap flight. Maybe it doesn't happen. Maybe I get sick and die when I'm over there. But hey, $300 to Europe, that's great. But you would do that if you weren't given credit, if it doesn't go off. Now, you would do that if it was like, okay, it's $200 to go to London,

but if we're not allowed to take off, you've done your dough. I've lost my $200. That's a good gamble. For that amount, $200. I'm doing well enough to be able to risk that. On a trip I didn't even particularly want to take, even if coronavirus wasn't happening. Just over there.

Just like a bargain. Get there, hold up in a hotel. It's $500 to come home, but whatever. Going, oh, the weather's better over there. It'll be nicer getting there than being stuck in a hotel room for two weeks, quarantining anyway, going, fuck, I didn't think. Oh, yeah, you've got to quarantine, Lloyd.

That's the thing. But your area of the world isn't even doing that. What? Wales? Are you guessing where you're from? You live in London. Are you guessing where you're from? You live in London Yeah, I think they're just about to start insisting on quarantining in the UK

Yeah, I've been reading you It's a real band-aid at this point It's a bit weird, isn't it? It's like those times I'll put the condom after we have sex Just catching the cum at the very end From now on, we're banning people with COVID coughing into other people's mouths. From now on. From next week on.

Guys, call us draconian if you must, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Yeah. September. But what about you? What if, Carl, what if it was... What if it was... Pick a country I'd like to go to. No, I'm trying to pick a number.

The country is the easy bit. 300 return to Thailand. And you might not get it back. For what month? Because it's got to be a reasonable gamble. Yeah, yeah, okay. If you say for October, I'll take it. July.

Nah, I'm going to do my dough then. It's not going to happen. You reckon? You've got to have a bit of knowledge. I'm not betting $300 on a horse I've never heard anything about. You're not walking into the casino and going, what's this game? I've never heard of it. Put it all on black.

500 on grey. Guys, this was me going to crown the first time when I was 18. Really? Just getting flashbacks here. But you did. But did you win? Because that was me the first time I went to the casino. Beginner's luck?

And I won big. Oh, what's big? What's big? I think I like, well, for the first time I went to the casino. Beginner's luck. And I won big. Oh. What's big? What's big? I think I like, well, for the time, I think I just walked out of there with like an extra hundred bucks. Yeah, yeah. It's not too bad.

See, Lloyd, in Melbourne specifically, there's two things you have to do. First thing, when you get your P plates, you have to drive your mates to a drive-thru. That's what you do. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the first thing you do. You go to a Macca's drive-thru. But then when you're 18, the night of your 18th, you have to go to Crown. You just have to end up.

Hit the casino. I could never have a fake ID. I always looked too young. Even now, I'd be very young. If I was a bouncer. So I was too young to get a fake ID, but I finally did get one for schoolies week. What was your name? I wasn't 18 on schoolies week.

Okay. What was your name? Well, I can't remember, but he was Asian. Okay. What was your name? Well, I can't remember, but he was Asian. Okay. A mate of mine's brother for 50 bucks could get you a fake ID, something like that, or even like 70 bucks. That's a lot of money when you're 80. And for 80, he could get you a Caucasian ID.

Yeah, my fake ID was an Asian guy, so it didn't work. And I can understand if you want to plead the fifth on this one. Now, you're going to get into the bar and you're very stressed about security buying this photo on the ID. So you feel like you have to look as much

like the photo as possible. Was there a bit of eye work going on? Just to get this one through the net. The fake ID wasn't my photo. The fake ID, yes. No, I know, but it's an Asian guy's photo. Oh, so you're talking about what I would be doing standing in it? I'm saying you turning up going,

just to really give this one a bit of an extra boost. All I'll say is it was a different time. Exactly, it's a different time. It's a tribute. It's a loving tribute. It's a different time. And all I can say is I'm proud of who I am today. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You've grown. It's either you were going to kick it up for one thing or the other thing. I just find the whole casino experience so disappointing because when I was a kid, all I knew from casinos was like James Bond films. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the sort of intrigue. Yes. You couldn't smell the urine watching James Bond.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you never saw Roger Moore going, I can't be bothered going to the bathroom. I might just take a piss in this can bottle. Yeah, yeah. This is very nerdy. Do you know what the casinos had to fight for a long time ago with the government?

The casino didn't want the time to be shown anywhere. Yes. They didn't want people to have daylight, no windows. That's why it's always really quite sexy and red and dark. It looks like the same time of day at all stages. And there was this shit fight just to get on poker machines. The time. To be fighting against the concept of time itself

is just an incredible battle to be waging. To not have the same rules as the Geneva Convention. That is a weird thing. I did a telly show in Sydney and they put us up. Must be nice. Is it called The Star? All right, mate. We're talking about the casino.

Yeah, all right. Coming over here to our country. Yeah, I had sex the other night. Big boasts. Big boasts corner. Is it called The Star Casino? Yes. So they put us up in the hotel there and the

people like it was like a waking hellscape like the people that would go into the casino and i was talking to um he franklin about it and he said that he was there once um staying in a hotel and he was leaving the hotel and a guy came up to him and said, can you buy my car off me? Not will you or would you be interested in, please can you. If you buy it off me, I'm going to go and win money in the casino and then I'll come back and buy the car back off you. I'll buy the car back off you. I'll pay you twice as much.

Yeah, I'm going to go in there and win there. How did you get yourself in these circumstances to need to sell your car? If that's me, I'm in. I'm all in on this arrangement. What are you paying for the car? Well, I guess it depends. Well, what are you offering? It's you.

What are you offering me for the car? For which car? My car, not much. Like, I'm not going to tempt you into that. But if it's a nice, it's an Audi or something like that. Yeah, I'm wondering if this kind of guy, he's gotten himself to this point. Is it a flash car or do you think it's a bit of a bomb?

Also, how legal is it when you're knocking on someone's hotel room door and going, can you buy this for $500? Does that stand up in court? Probably not. But the interesting thing about this is like, he's clearly just got this insane gambling problem, if that's what he's having to do. But by you then going, yes, I'll buy the car off you in the hopes that you then come back and buy it off me,

you've become almost as bad of a gambler as him. You're then playing your own very high stakes game back against him. That's what she's talking about. No one in their right mind is buying the car off him. I'm saying I would. I genuinely would be tempted. I've just walked out my hotel door. This happens to me.

I'm in. That's very funny if you decide to go to the casino and gamble but not on any of the games. Just in situations like this. Going up and betting people. That thing where people tail someone, what's the thing like people at the pokies machine, it's like the machine's got to pay off eventually. So you tail them

around. You're doing that but with the people who look most destitute. That would be good if you went into a casino. Say you're underage, no? Oh, yeah. As a 17-year-old. Yeah. Surname spelt C-H-O.

Nathan Cho. Nathan Cho. So you go up, you get around it by going up to someone on the poker machines. Don't put any money in yourself. You sit behind someone and go, I reckon you're going to lose on this one. And then you gamble on watching someone gamble.

That's probably outside of the law. Or you're just doing like, you're just like finding, you know, fucked things on the ground of the dunny and just going out to people going, pay 50 bucks to eat this. You're not even that high class. You're just going like full jackass style. Yeah, that's not really gambling. You can kind of do that anywhere yeah and again this is getting further and further away from uh lloyd's idea of james bond but yeah yeah so you took for the story i took um who books that yeah

i did that is brutal like being put up in i guess it's a nice hotel but being put up in a casino hotel for a reason that's not wanting to be at the casino like you're up in I guess it's a nice hotel but being put up in a casino hotel for a reason that's not wanting to be at the casino like you're up here doing work it's like you've got to be

you've got to walk through all this brutal stuff to get to your bed and the restaurants in the hotel are on the gaming floor yes so you're like

inches away from someone just feeding coins into a porky machine yeah yeah trying to eat because it's like the thing you

said about them not having the time up they want you to spend as much money as you possibly can so you can't even be separate yeah from the gambling if you're not if you don't have any sort of gambling wish in you casinos are quite good because they've got all heaps of stuff there that attract you there and want and make you want to stay. Because you're then going to do all your dough. But if you don't want to do any of your dough, you can just hang out and do all the fun stuff. It's fine. Do you remember, I was telling someone about this the other day, when you and I, Carl, went to Las Vegas together for the first time. When we got married, yeah.

When we got married, yeah. And a lot of the resorts are all kind of owned by the same company. And there's a thing that you can get that's like a hundred bucks or whatever for a wristband. Where you can just go into any buffet, anywhere, at any time and have as much as you want and i reckon i put on 10 kilos in that 24 like us going we'd be stupid not to do this this sounds like the greatest thing of all time and then literally just like an hour in yeah every place we've walked past getting this just fucked assortment of food and going i want to die but I have to keep eating so that I get my money's worth. Yeah, yeah.

The insane flawed thing that we didn't realise is they're all all-you-can-eat buffets. So we're like, cool, we get to go to six all-you-can-eat buffets. It's like, no, you can only all-you-can-eat in one buffet. There's only one all-you-can-eat per body. You can't all-you-can-eat six times in a day. Brutal. And I think we were fresh off the plane too

so it's like jet lag seeping in and it was a thing where i think to give myself a tiniest bit of credit i think halfway through that trip i went i reckon this is bad i reckon i'm gonna ease back on this and do some exercise and i don't think i gave you the heads up and so i think by the end of it into a week i'd put on five kilos and you'd put on ten kilos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That first, that like having really fetishized American food for quite a while before getting over there, it was just all systems go. Did you gamble? Did you gamble? I gambled on my health, yeah.

I gambled on my high cholesterol level. A guy did come up to you in the foyer. I'll give you my car if you're alive at the end of the week. Good luck in there, mate. I'll give you my car if you're alive at the end of the week. Good luck in there, mate. I'll give you this ambulance. Buy this wristband off me, please. It doesn't fit anymore. My wrist is too fat.

We did the child's version of gambling. We should have been ID'd for what we were doing because this is literally what we gambled on. We gambled on the electronic horse racing. That's gambled on. We gambled on the electronic horse racing. That's right.

Yeah. That's right. We gambled on the video game and then we gambled and then we played the poker machine that had the Ghostbusters theme on it. Of course you did. Because the more money you put in,

they kept playing Ghostbusters, the theme. So that's our gambling now. We were never going to break the house. We were like fucking eight-year-olds in there. It was like Encino, man. We just don't understand how this new technology works like what put more money in and the song keeps playing yeah yeah i'll keep doing this honestly it's like it's like tommy put some money yeah yeah yeah sure sure sure oh cool we got a bit more money back

i guess they like how much we like the song yeah when you start when they started that story i was like hang on so these casinos give people free food for the week all you can eat plus a lot of the time it's free alcohol as well if you're in the machines right if you're playing the machine yes a lot of the time yeah and still at the end of the day the casino makes unbelievable profits in my head then i was a little bit confused as to how that happens and then i heard this little ghostbusters-themed story. I went, well, there we go. There's the business model right there. Yeah, the jukebox that took $5 per 30 seconds. Yeah.

No clocks in there. I'm just adding up how many times I've heard the Ghostbusters thing. I reckon that's about six hours. We got here at midday. How do you check the form of an electronically generated horse? It's a great question. They, look. It's a really great question.

I do remember trying to actually take it seriously and checking the form, but some of the form didn't work out. Isn't that where we were there with Nick Cody, who I think thought he had a real way of working it out. Yeah, he was gaming the system. But yes, they do bring around beers, but of course, because of the tipping system,

people bring around beers, and then it's like, well, you've got to tip them. It's like, okay, here's the money that a beer would cost and you go am i really making a good deal here or not it's great i can't wait to go back and also there were a lot of a lot of sex workers coming up to the table as well so that's more of a u2 specific thing that's pretty fair vegas is fully back though how wild is that that's just incredible is it yeah they're like The casinos are reopened Oh that's right

But very early on The mayor came out And was like Use our cities The experiment Yeah yeah We want no lockdown Hey selfless

We're happy to We're just big fans of science here So we're happy to put ourselves On the line We're known for burying Bodies in the desert We can do it again Come here

It's all you can eat food Fuck the virus What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. By that we mean your life. Stay here forever. Is Crown Casino open? Is the Melbourne Casino open? I think it's still closed.

You've got to have like a spare pokies machine in between each. The idea of being in there like 15 people spread across the floor. I think they were using the hotel to quarantine people, right? They were. Yeah. And that was the great thing when people would come home from overseas and go and we're stuck here in this five-star hotel and we can't leave it's like cunt can i move in i don't know about you guys but when i travel i don't

leave the hotel room yeah yeah yeah what's the difference yeah yeah sometimes you get when you travel and you get to a hotel room you go fuck, fuck, this is nice, and then you don't see it until you come home to sleep. It's actually good. I would like that if I went somewhere, got a good hotel, and they said, you can't leave the hotel room. It'd be a good excuse just to- Done. Yeah.

Sign me up. Just to use time in a house 10 times nicer than my own. I'd only heard about this recently. Apparently, in Melbourne, if you're having a kid in some maternity wards or whatever if there's not room if you I think if you have

private health insurance if there's not room they'll put you up in I think the Hilton yeah I heard these stories before we had our kid and I thought that

this is what was going to happen I thought this was all locked in and it was not locked in it did not happen a friend of mine was having a kid a little while ago was very excited like

I think for whatever reason I was legitimately looking forward to the birth because, was very excited. I think for whatever reason just had... I was legitimately looking forward to the birth because I was going to stay at the Hyatt. Yeah, I think everyone just thinks that for some reason that you're the second person that has just assumed that it's going to automatically apply to them. I'm the same person who believes that when people say,

get your tax done and to write things off, you can just go and get a car for free. In the week before, yeah. And you can claim a car. You can just go and get a convertible and just put that on your business and you can just have a car for free but i have listened to brett blake right the idea before you go in there you're just walking around the street seeing a lot of very heavily pregnant women gone feeling pretty good about this i reckon the maternity ward's going to be absolutely bursting and we're going to be pushed into the

higher yeah but i don't know much about birth, but it's messy, isn't it? This is what I can't work out. Maybe someone listening can answer. Is there just a floor of the Hyatt that's just dedicated to these newborn situations? They're not operating on women anymore. They're not having the baby at the Hilton. They're letting them stay afterwards.

They have the baby at the hospital, and They're letting them stay afterwards. They have the baby at the hospital. And then I think once they get the all clear from the doctors and nurses, they can go and just be in the hotel for a couple of nights. They're not doing a C-section in the foyer at the hire. In the conference room. They get rid of the pancakes for a second, will you? Layer on that table. But still, are they just all on the one floor

Like are you walking to the lift going God I can hear a lot of crying in here today What's going on Who would have thought there'd be a downside To four guys doing a podcast together Finally We found the one weakness of this show We can't get the answers

But I think it's just to recover Like a little treat Yes But that would be That's exactly what you're talking about. You can't really leave the room.

Yeah. You just hold up. I really thought we were going to cop that and we did not cop that. In-house movies. Yeah. A few pornos on there.

Yeah. Just to relive the good old days. Yeah. The point of this conversation is women, what are you complaining about? It sounds awesome.

Shut up. Yeah. Get free hotels. I mean, see. Quarantining and having a kid. As long as we don't understand it, we don't have to feel sorry for it. So, yeah. Are the hotels in Melbourne incredibly cheap?

I have no idea. I don't know if they're open. That's a good question. I think my local's back open because it's also my local pub. I used to go and drink in the foyer of the hotel that's near my house. And I thought there might be a loophole where they'd be able to stay open

because I'm like, if there's people staying in there, don't they have to keep the food and drink stuff downstairs open because people staying in there need that stuff, but it's all been closed. But they're back, so... But no, look, it's a good point. I would assume that there would be massive discounts, but from what I've seen there's

not i don't think because i've been doing a lot of looking in thailand on online and just look and just going what but what if i was there but what if hypothetically yeah hypothetically and then i don't see anything online like anything super cheap okay i think there'd also be a lot of people in a lot like so melbourne's a good example where we've just kind of had restrictions being eased there'd be a lot of staycations going on just like you know what i've just been in my house for three months straight yeah i'm just gonna get a hotel in the city yeah why not did it last week guys did you really not in the city airbnb just down at the beach with some mates a couple of nights bliss yeah it's lovely all right how many mates five and one of them has a newborn so what were their temperatures every morning but my point was we didn't really do anything we kind of

just did what we'd been doing for the last three months we just went and sat in another house but just got to do it with some other people and got to drive down there. That was probably the most exciting part, was the driving down there part. Yeah. I've hung out with people a few times and it's like, it's exactly what we're doing now.

It's like so good to see people again and just sit around and talk about how fucked the last three months has been. Good to take my mind off things with mates. But good to not have to record it. Good to have an off the record chat about how fucked things are. You know, all right, all right. This is what happened to me, what was it, two nights, three nights ago.

I've been talking about this a fair bit on the show in the last couple of weeks where my big get-out-of-the-house moment for the day is at 9, 10 o'clock at night, I'll go for a run. So every single night during this whole lockdown, so for two, three months, whatever it is, I think I've missed like two nights. I've gone for like a 5 to 6K run every single night. That's my... It's very late.

Yeah. I mean, because your job is late. You're at a club most nights of the week to quite late. Not recently. Yeah, not recently. But... All right. That's not the story.

I'm running home from comedy gigs that I've been running in the middle of April. But, no, look, that might be my body clock. Yeah, yeah, good point. Body clock, mate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, right, he's used to running away from the booing punters, holding pitchforks.

How dare you say those things on stage? Unlike casinos, I'm allowed to have my own clock. It's mostly because child goes to bed, wife goes to bed. I'm like, okay, well, I'll make the most of that time. So I'll go for a run at nine or 10 o'clock. So, and also the streets are very, very overly quiet. So I can, I've just got my own run. What I've been talking about, we don't need to get too deep into it

because we have the last couple of weeks is, I've had a few incidents of lack of self-control in the bowels while I've been running. There's been a bit of emergency, Evacuation. Yeah, emergency evacuation whilst jogging, whilst running. What a rude topic to bring up to two people and go, now we don't need to go into it.

Boring! Blood pouring out of their mouths from biting their tongues, like, let us at it! There's been times I've either had to quickly shit or shit myself whilst running. Now, in the last couple of weeks, I've tried to... Just how normal it is to hear this. Completely glossing over it.

If I don't gloss over it, this is all we're going to talk about every single week on the podcast. You can't normalise shitting your pants. In what stage of the run? Because I think I might turn around and go home. Well, this is the thing. It wasn't like I'm on the welcome mat outside my house going well time to leave the house no i better keep going it says i'm welcome so

it's like literally halfway so whatever i do i'm i'm stuck i have to come come back and uh yeah there's no easy way out of it i'm on my way back um so i've i've done that a few times i've done that a few times i had a bad moment where i've i've tried to shit in a bush and it didn't end well and i've had to come home and whatever anyway so you haven't been on the news right that's not me yeah i literally didn't think it is by the way it doesn't specifically have to be you in that story but at the same time you you are a poo jogger. If there was the same behaviour. If there was cameras where I was, I would be that guy on the news,

but I've picked spots where I'm not. It would have been nice to get on the news, to be honest. It would have been a nice break, finally. What you're saying is not all poo joggers. Yes. So I've got to pick more places with more surveillance cameras just to get a bit of oh so now this is your goal

get some press flown up to Sydney put up in the Star Casino to do an interview about it yeah so I've been doing a bit of that lately so

but the good thing is that of course because you're doing it nine ten o'clock at night it means that I was wasn't caught wasn't sort of seen wasn wasn't anything like that. That was a good part of it.

So the other night, I had to change up my schedule because as things are changing in Melbourne, restaurants are now opening. And you've got the very limited seating in restaurants. And so a couple of days into that, I rang up a nice restaurant to got a, you know, to organize a date night with my wife. So I was like, cool, we're going to this nice place, 8 o'clock at night. Okay, well, if it's 8 o'clock at night, I'm going to go and have some beers. I'm going to, you know, have dinner. I don't want to be jogging after that. So I switched it up.

I did my early jog. I did an early jog. So I jogged at about 6 o'clock, 5.30 to 6 o'clock. And so I went a slightly different way where I live in Hawthorne. And I have to deal with traffic this time. So usually I could just run and it doesn't matter. It's really annoying when they're honking your horns when you're just trying to shit in the seat.

A bit of peace and quiet, please. Can't you see I've got the newspaper? Can't you see what I'm doing? It's annoying that I can't just drop trow in the middle of Punt Road at 6 o'clock and not have to deal with a big traffic jam. Yeah, you're used to just having the road to yourself, Vanilla Sky style. Yes, exactly. Chocolate Sky.

The amount of time I think Vanilla Sky in my head, there's a lot. So I have to deal with traffic. So anyway, I go out on the house the other night and I'm jogging along the street and this car rides. Now tell me, I don't even know legally how this stands. But so I'm jogging, let's say I'm jogging along the side of the street, like on the left-hand side. And now a car comes from the other side. So it's coming against my way. It's coming the other way, right?

Towards you. Towards me, yeah. Against the way I was running. Against my way. It wasn't coming towards me. It wasn't coming towards me. You've been talking about how you're trying to learn Thai and ISO. Focus on English first.

So it is. So this car comes down and it does the quick turn like a quick it's right turn and goes across the uh my the closer line of traffic right and goes to pull into a driver so it does that does that very quick goes to cut me off and then just i'm running and then he has to stop because i'm running along the footpath and just beeps on and is like, you fucking can't, you fucking can't. And I'm like, hang on a minute. Now, I don't know everything about the road rules, but what I do know is footpath rules and that is the pedestrian

has right of way on the footpath. He's come under your turf. Yeah, that's my turf. Like I'm not, you know, I'm not jumping into the fucking ocean and going, you know, well, this is my way, crocodile, fuck off. That's their land, this is my land. crocodile. Fuck off. That's their land. This is my land. The ocean.

Yeah, yeah. The ocean. The river. The whatever. There's saltwater crocodiles. They can be in the ocean. Fuck you. You flew here.

They swam there. Whatever it is. Whatever it is, they've got tattooed on their back. Yes. So that card goes off and i'm like going and you know there's that that mid moment of sort of going hang on who is in the right here am i wrong for doing this or what very quickly you got to figure that out because i was like do i get to call this guy i can't or not so i had to like be thinking for like two seconds i'm like

no i think i'm right must go through your head a dozen times a day but it got slow with this one i just didn't know whether i was in the right or not so he's yelling at me and he's pointing like behind me or something and i'm like going no fuck you fuck off you can't just like cross the like i think he done wrong by just crossing the the white line anyway like the the unbroken line and then trying to like run in front of me on the footpath i'm like who the fuck is this guy i think he is and whatever so then i keep running and i run for another probably 100 meters. And then I get to a traffic light. And so then it's like red light there.

So I've got to stop there. And then this car just sort of ambles up next to me. And just a bit of a beep on the horn. And I look over and this guy is looking at me going, just give me the finger, like come here. Come over this way. And I'm like, no, no, no. I mean, i was the

tough guy back there i'm tough enough to call you a cunt while you're in a car and i'm running i'm yeah i'm in mid-motion but there's no like me coming up to a stopped car and calling you a cunt or doing anything brave that's an incredible move like almost matrix style just pulling up and giving it the come here that is fucking bold so i'm doing the big old no i've got my earbuds in actually i'm actually listening to something. So I can't hear any further beeps of the horn I'm hearing at the moment. So it's like beep, beep. No, I'm listening to this one.

And then it's just like beep for like ages. And I'm like, fuck. And I look around and the guy is holding up his phone. And then I realized that's not the guy from before. This is a different guy. This is a new guy. This is a new guy. He's holding up his phone and he's got like the Dumb Dumb Club logo on it.

And he's beeping me. Great. Because he's going, I'm listening to you right now. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, oh, fuck. And you're like, fuck off. I'm not coming over. Fuck off.

And he's like, nah, nah. This is like he'd do on the pod. This is classic. Yeah. So then I'm like, oh, thank fuck for that. So then I get home. Then I check my phone, and the listener has then messaged me to go, oh, sorry, sorry to interrupt your run, mate,

but I've been listening to you on the pod, just making sure you weren't shitting yourself this time. And I was like, ah, yeah, good one. And he goes, and also, I saw you cut off that bloke in the car, and he got real angry at you. And I was like, I didn't fucking cut him off. And I just love that this is happening as the warm-up to a beautiful romantic date night with your wife,

just getting all this aggression out before a nice candlelit dinner. Did you pull on that run or not? Not that one, no. But you know where the guy lives now who cut you off, right? I don't know. I don't know whether he was just doing that to do a U-turn or whatever. If he works where he pulled in,

he is a vet. So that's a weird thing to get that angry at someone. Where was the dumb-dumb listener going at 10 o'clock at night in their car during ISO? No, this is early. This is like 5.30.

Oh, this is the 6 o'clock run. All right. Okay, home from work. I'll approve of the 6 o'clock run. Oh, this is the 6 o'clock run. All right. Okay, home from work. I'll approve of the story if you're listening. Very good of you since you went on your big bloody party with 50 people down the beach last weekend. Yeah, I've been really battling with being back into the swing of things, of being able to go out and hang out with people again.

The two significant nights I've had out, just gone way too fucking hard. Just no piss fitness, just this pent up, just excited to see everyone again. Yeah, I've only got Zoom fitness. I've only got Zoom being online with people and being on my balcony and yelling out of the balcony. I went to the pub on Friday night with some mates and a few of us had been going pretty hard

before we even got to the dinner. So we get to the pub now and, you know, pubs for anyone outside of Melbourne, the deal at the pub now is you, 20 people in the pub and you have to be getting a meal while you're there. So, and they're very, I think at a lot of venues, they're very like this. Like you've got to be anchored to your table.

You can't sort of be roaming around the place. You can't go to the bar. You can't go. Yeah, so it's all table service. So beers are brought over to you and yeah. So we're just me and my girlfriend and my two friends and then there's us and then six others. There's a group of ten all up of us but then there's four of us

in particular who've just been drinking all afternoon. We get about halfway through the dinner and my girlfriend turns to me and goes, hey, let's go and have sex in the toilet. Fuck. I'm going to go wait for you in the girls' toilets. Come and find me. So she leaves.

That's an alpha move. You can come into my toilet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put her finger out and tell you to come over here? Oh, yes. Like the driver of the car? And I'm listening to your podcast. So she's like, give it a minute and then come

and find me. So I get up to go and find her, but this is a pub where... I'd love it if she went into the boys' toilets instead and went, fuck me over the urinals. And like trying to be subtle as well. Like trying to hide

in a urinal somehow. Fuck me in the piss troughs. Chando's fetching himself a cool drink of water while he hears this story. Someone's gotten a little bit flustered. He's got to cool down a bit.

This is part of me. I would think that you could go and have sex in the disabled toilet because it's like one room. Yes. You're making a big call on Dasla's girlfriend just looking at Dasla. That's not cool, man.

That's not cool. No, but the girls, what's the sex? Are you pitching yourself to me? Hey, if I was doing it, and I'm not saying you should kick her to the curb, but I reckon if you want someone who's... By the way, if you need some tips on sex in the toilet, you do have a gay guy on your podcast.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so urinal style, is that how it's done? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, we've been doing this pre-ISO stuff for a very long time. No, I want to hear the end of this story. So this is a pub where it's not like a, you know, typically you'd have like a little corridor where you've just got men's and women's toilets

just like next to each other. This is a pub where they're just in vastly different spots. So I go for a walk. I'd been to the toilet before earlier in the night. So I know where the men's is. I go to where the men's is. Just a bit of pre-cum there. This isn't your first rodeo.

Getting the lay of the land, yeah. So I go back to... Second time I've come tonight. So I go to where the men's was, thinking like, oh, the women's will just be in that same corridor. And it's not. Like, it's not there. So...

And it's a bar where, like, the... Now you're desperately searching in the bar with a boner. Where's the dunnies? Exactly. So I go on my... So I've done my walk. I've done a lap of the place. I've gotten to the men's.

I can't see the women's. So then I go back to the table. And I'm like... Because also the bartenders had already gotten angry at us because we were split over two tables. We've been going and like conversing at each other's tables and they kept coming over to say, you've got to stay at your table you can't just be up walking around i mean wait until they find out about the fucking they're gonna be furious no they were fucking each other but on

different tables yeah that's the issue lord that's why i'm coming over so then i'm back at the table and i'm like fuck i've just got to do I just don't know where the women's is. I've just got to go for another lap. What course were you up to in the meal, by the way, at this stage? Had you had your mains? I've had like a quarter of the burrito that I'd ordered. Oh, right. Okay.

That is not pre-fucking food. Also, bold to have a bit of Mexican and then try and fuck someone in a toilet. Jesus Christ. Who's swallowing a burrito and like, hang on, pause that. Well, she's not doing me up the arse yet. This wasn't where this was planned to go down. I was going to say, there's emissions coming out of both ends. Fucking hell.

So, I'm coming. No, wait, I'm shitting. I'm shitting. So then, I think I do, it's all pretty foggy, but I think I do like another two laps of just walking around the bar trying to find the women's toilets. You've lost all control of what time it is at this point. Yeah, exactly. 3am.

Yeah, I'm just going to people going, I'll pay you to tell me where the toilet is. I'll pay you to suck me. So then as I'm sort of near the end of like my second lap, now I've got the attention of the bartender who's just like, can I help you? Excuse me, blue balls. What are you up to?

It's like, can I help you? I'm like, look below the equator. You can definitely help me if you want. But I'm just like, I can't, what do I say here? I can't go, I'm looking for the women's toilets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't even say, I can't find the toilets. He's going to guide you to the men's toilets.

You know where it is. Yes. That doesn't help you. Yes, exactly. So I'm like, oh, no, I'm fine. So then I'm back at the table. Just doing laps. Just doing laps.

Doing some chap laps. I can't do it on Chapel Street, so I'm doing it inside a hotel. So then I'm back at the table, and I'm just like, well, I don't know what else to do. I mean, I feel really sorry for your poor girlfriend at this point. Who's bent over in the cube? Just looking at a watch. If this is his idea of foreplay, fuck it's never taken this long before. I've been waiting for four minutes. Jesus christ try to mean keep him keen so i so then now i'm just back at the table and now that

now this bartender has eyes on me so i'm like i can't you know i can't go walking around so so then i'm just like having to text my girlfriend and go i can't find the toilet right can you tell me where the toilet is i'm like texting her and hearing my girlfriend and go, I can't find the toilet. Right. Can you tell me where the toilet is? I'm like texting her and hearing nothing back. And then I'm like texting going, why is the table vibrating? Oh, she's left her phone here.

Oh no. So then I'm, so then I can't even go, I can't even go to find her to get in contact with her to be like, Hey, abort. Like I, so it's just ends up me.

This is, this would be a great story if you were telling this to police officers, reporting a missing person. I went to fuck her, and that's the last time I saw her. This just sounds like a rehearsal of some sort of story that he needs to say soon. I'm not sure why. I've got to get in the vibe that you're running this by us. Imagine writing all of this on the side of a milk carton.

Last scene. The rose and crown dunnies. Last scene saying you're the best route I've ever had. Not my words, just the last thing she said before she disappeared.

So yeah, anyway, I've built this up too much as like a potentially sexy story. The end of it is her coming back after maybe 10 minutes of having been in the toilet just just not too happy just having been stood up in the toilets for 10 minutes and my excuse being i couldn't find where the toilet was and her going i think that's worse than if you had just stood me up and not come. Like being so inept that you couldn't find where the fucking dunny was.

Yeah. And there would have been people walking into the dunny as well and her going, here we go. It's interesting why heels he's wearing. Don't remember us wearing the same aftershave. Well, heels don't wear aftershave. Yeah. Sorry.

I don't know. Hopefully once the June 22, once we're allowed 50 people in there, maybe it'll be... I thought you meant June 22, that's when you were allowed to have sex with her again after that performance. Yeah, in the doghouse. I think this is also proof that

this is why the government wants to ease restrictions because even the first step, people are already fucking in the toilets. Yeah, yeah. Like just at phase one, people are already like, all right, let's root. No, people already can't fuck in the toilet.

People have been away from the pub that long, they don't even know what the fuck is. Yeah. The day that everything got eased where you could go to people's houses and just hang out, just have five people around, I went to a friend's house. One of my friends drank a whole bottle of red wine and then started spewing.

And our other friend was kind of like helping her over the basin and had this scrunchie on her hand and takes it off and gives it to my girlfriend and goes oh can you you know can you help because her hair's like meaning you know hold her hair back as she as she moments my girlfriend takes the scrunchie and takes that to me goes yeah i know what to do with this takes the scrunchie and then just starts dabbing at the face of the girl who's vomiting with the scrunchie, just like mopping up the vomit and then tries to like put it in her mouth to like stop the flow. Like an apple and a pig. And what am I doing?

Not helping at all. Just standing there, crying, laughing, going, it's day one. It's day one of things being eased and this is what we've all been reduced to. So I don't know. Have you guys had anything? It really made me feel better to know that everyone's been going through this. Who can beat that? I do wonder if the government app does let you know

if someone has fucked in the toilets in a place that you've been in. That's great. Calling up the pub you're at on Friday night, like at the pub on Friday, got some pretty devastating news to share, and they're like, oh, no, you've been tested positive. And we're going to have to let everyone know. No, no, no.

I rooted in the Dunnies. But if you could let everyone that was there know, that would be fantastic. Give me the numbers. I'm happy to do it myself. Man, I can't top that story. Because I've been one of those people that lives with their partner. But our jobs are very opposite. So I've had the least amount of things to ever do where he's the opposite.

He's been work more than ever. He's a doctor, right? He's infectious disease researcher. So his work got COVID, as in on purpose. He got a promotion. They wanted it. They wanted it. So he's been doing like 12, 14, 16 hour days nonstop for like two months.

It's his comedy festival. This is what I had to talk about one night. I was like, you know, it's all right to be very, very opposite for us for once in March and April. He's getting more press than me. His boss is like doing the circuit.

His boss has been on the project every week. He's on the medical gala. So it's a little insensitive when he's coming home after a long day of treating COVID and you're like, let's fuck in the Dunny. Let's have a tan more at the pub. Nah, I'm going on road show tomorrow.

I need to keep my strength up. So hearing all these people talking about fucking in the toilets and this, I'm like, I've never been so lonely in my life. I'm lonely. You know? Fuck. I've never had sex in the toilets. Yeah, me either. I'd love to be here sitting here saying, yeah, I have better.

I've been going on very late night jogs wanking. So that's new. You get halfway there, your body's like, I need a wank now. Too far away from home. I've inadvertently made a nemesis during lockdown. My first ever nemesis. Your partner? No, I went to a bottle shop.

And you know when COVID first started happening and- Must be nice to get to this age and not have an enemy. Let me know what it's like. We all remember our first. Six more months in Australian comedy and we'll have this chat. We'll have this chat again. Yeah, you keep taking all our gigs. I can name three of them right now.

It's so weird that you're like 11 people's enemy, but continue on. Well, I went to this bottle shop and they hadn't entirely clearly explained what you could and couldn't do. And I went into the fridge and there was a bottle of beer that I wanted to check what it was. This is going to be very interesting. I didn't know there was rules with bottle shops but anyway well this particular bottle shop i touched the bottle of beer to turn it around to check what it was flavor it was right what flavor beer it was yeah because it was like a passion fruit fucking ipa or something i didn't really want to get anywhere near yeah and i was like now we're talking but i won't say that i wasn't gonna say that at all. The guy said,

he was behind me and he started huffing which gave me a surprise. And then he said, can you give me that bottle of beer you just touched? And I said, that's fine. He goes,

no, you have to give it to me. And then I gave it to him and then he sterilized the beer. And then he said, if there's anything you want to know about any of the drinks in this shop, you need to ask me personally. Oh, wow. If you touch it, you've got to buy it. And I said, I'm really sorry.

Is he a librarian in his past life? If you read it, it's yours. I thought, oh, we're okay. We're on good terms. I've apologized. There's nothing more I can do. And then the next time I went into the shop, he was behind counter i said hey mate how's it going he just looked at me looked away and then just walked into the back of the shop hell yeah so now i've made an enemy now you can't go are

you still going there can you go back i kind of look in the window and if you touch the window i don't touch the window i look in the window and if he's there, then I'm scared to go in. But it's a really good one and it's local. Yeah, right. So this was like mid-lockdown? It was like pretty early on in lockdown. Yeah, right. They had the rules printed on like A4 paper, but I just hadn't read it.

Why would you look for the rules when you go into a bottle shop? Because when it was early, when lockdown had actually happened, for him to assume that you've touched it and now that's a germ risk, the only thing he's thinking is, this guy looks like he's dumb enough to have contracted COVID.

When none of us were going out or doing anything, you know what I mean? Like everyone's doing the right thing. You really had to be trying pretty hard to get it, to come into contact with it. I think he was overly anal about the hygiene of the bottle shop. Knife? Anything?

How big was the bottle? Thought we were getting out of here? It has been interesting. I don't know if you guys are like with with uh living in the world of comedy where you do a lot of you drinking at gigs and you know you might get like a uh token or you might get some freebies at the gig so i that's all i live in the world of like i run gigs so i've i never pay for a beer and so without any gigs to be run and still wanting beer it's been me going to like the start of lockdown was me going to bottle shops going, this is quite me paying for beer.

Like $20. Okay, I guess I could do that. Here's $20 for beer. It's like thinking, this is sort of mildly entertaining. And now I'm sort of getting sick of paying for beers. Listen to this story, people that have lost loved ones to COVID. Can't afford food because they lost their job. Oh, paying for things is fun.

Yeah, well, having said that, I wasn't fucking wiping my fingers all over beers I wasn't even buying and then fucking off. I was grabbing one beer, taking that and paying for it.

It's just because the cans now have old cartoons and patterns on them and stuff but it doesn't tell you what it is. That was my trick.

Go into like a kind of fancy sort of hipstery bottle shop. It's like an art gallery. They were closed. You go look at the wine Yes. That was my trick. Go into like a kind of fancy sort of hipstery bottle shop. It's like an art gallery. They're all closed. You go look at the wine labels. Look at this one. This is nice colours.

Yeah. There's a little painting on this beer can. There's one in my house that like, you know, graphically it looks really great. You go in and there's a different, single different beer everywhere and they're all cartoon cans and you just look and you go, this is like a mini little alcoholic art gallery. Like it looks really fun. And then the guy goes, oh, you can just order them at home if you want i'm like what do you mean yeah but you don't have all of these online so yes i do and there's hundreds of different beers and they're all online i'm like

why the fuck are you doing that for that's so dumb and you know the website and there's like 400 beers on the website you get how annoying would that be to keep that up yeah yeah yeah it's a hard ask. That's fucking... I mean, if I was doing that and then someone comes in and slobbers all over one beer, I'm like... I didn't slobber. I'm like, I get it. I get it. Someone comes in and fucks up my perfect little art collection.

Cradling it going, I can't wait to drink you, just kissing it gingerly. He's already deleted it from the website and then you put it back. Like, can't. Trying to do a bit of inventory here. Did you guys do anything in lockdown that you, now that it's sort of being eased and everything in Melbourne, that you can look back on it now a bit objectively and go

oh, that was me starting to lose my mind a little bit. Yes. Oh yeah, neither of you have shaved your hair, have you? Yeah, I bought clippers online to shave my hair, which was something I was, as a balding man, on the way towards doing anyway. And it's a shame that I'll never know. It could have been me having a mental break in the middle of ISO,

but it was easy enough for me to go, well, this is practical. I have enrolled in school, so that's an ISO thing. Hell yes. What? Just school in general? No, no, no. I've enrolled in a short course, in a three-month short course that you do it at night as an adult.

It's like targeted for people that have jobs. Night school. Night school. Making fake IDs. Yeah. But I didn't realize that it hasn't started yet. Oh. Okay.

So I enrolled like the first couple of weeks at ISO, but it doesn't start until the end of July. So everything... You fucked this? Yes, great. So everything's

going to start again. What is it? What's the course? Do you want to go to the pub? No, I've got school. It's a writing one. Creative writing, screenplay.

Surely you could have found an online course that you could have actually done in the time that you were in ISO. You dumb fuck. So all these like, everything's going to, like gigs are going to come back and I'm like, I've got to go to school. I can't come with the paid gig. I've got to go to class.

Fuck. So that's going to be happening over July, August, September. Hey, if you want some advice on how to drop out of uni, I'm happy to take you under my wing. It's something of an expert in the field. I do feel like I'm not a proper comic because I've never gone to uni. I never did it. It's not the going, it's the dropping out. I won't finish it.

Do one day. I know I'm not going to finish this course. I'll be surprised if I start it. But they have taken my money. That part's happened. So I'll give it two weeks. How many times have you dropped out, Deslo? money. Yeah. That part's happened. Yeah. So I'll give it two weeks. How many times have you dropped out of Thessalonica? Two.

Two. And how long did it take each one? Arts, I did for a year and a half. Now, this is the thing I respect. So you did, what, arts to start with, didn't you? Yeah. Now, that's when you're 18. You come out of high school.

First year out of high school. You drop out of it. There's fun things to do when you're 18. You come out of high school. You go in there. You drop out of it. There's fun things to do when you're 18. You know, there's Thursday nights to go out on. There's piss to be drunk, all that sort of stuff. Now, your second one was how old? You were about 28 or 30 or something? I think I was 20.

Yeah, how old was I? 28, I think. To be 28, the mature age student and still fuck it up. Yeah. Well, it was, I've said this on the show, but I took it on because I just didn't have anything else going on and then we got busier with this. I think it was the first year we did Thailand. Yeah, well, I've said this on the show, but I took it on because I just didn't have anything else going on, and then we got busier with this. I think it was the first year we did Thailand.

Yeah, right. It was like a big part of it. It was just like, you know what? I've got to help my friend follow his dream. I get it. You're blaming this on me. You dropped out of school because of me. I get it.

It's a big leap. I get it. I get it. What about you, Lloyd? Any crazy behavior in ISO? Me and Arne have had a lot of arguments. And who? Edmunds.

Oh, is that your house mate? Yeah, my flat mate. Right. We had a really big bus stop. It's your girlfriend for people at home. We had a really big bus stop early on because this was when we rented a house in like Daylesford planning to stay there between Adelaide Comedy Festival

and Melbourne Comedy Festival, obviously, which didn't happen. Yeah. And we had a big fight because there was a dishwasher in like a machine, not like a servant. Yeah. Okay, can I guess? So you're arguing over one person, because this is in my wheelhouse as well.

This is the classic dishwasher argument, I reckon. It is. Here we go. One person wants to wash them by hand and one person wants to put them in the machine. Give them a pre-wash. Now here's where we get to guess which side of the wheelhouse. Yes.

Oh, see, I thought the fight was going to be about... If we fuck in the dishwasher. I was waiting and waiting I couldn't find it I found the male dishwasher I just couldn't find the female dishwasher it's one of those ones that's hidden in a cupboard

you can't see it from the outside I thought the fight was going to be about how packed how busy does the dishwasher have to be before you think it's good enough to give it a round no okay because I have fought about this

in the past with Cody. Yeah. If there's three bowls and some cutlery, fucking away we go. Oh, right. You're on that team. Why not? Okay, so you're on that team. So what do you think Lloyd is on?

Is he washed by hand or is he dishwashed? Oh, you're a wash by hand. Yeah, I'm guessing that. Yeah, you can just tell. Right. She was getting upset because she was lording the dishwasher and then I was unloading it and washing it by hand. Giving it a little scrub.

That's a bit passive-aggressive. Yeah, that is very bad. The unpacking is the real... Well, no, it's because you would never normally have that amount of dirty dishes on the side next to the sink. So just having them in the dishwasher... But that's the point. It's another place to hide them

oh right because of what cleaning is cleaning is just good hiding if you ask me you're hiding the dirt yeah you're moving it amongst things don't move the rug

so you're hang on so you were all the dirty dishes were going in the dishwasher and then you weren't turning it on you were just pulling them out and washing them

well I think because you have to wait until the dishwasher I'm not like Nathan you've got to wait until the dishwasher is at capacity before you can yes start it off right because yeah i agree save the longer you wait you start losing good things yeah the good cups in there the good knives in there yeah i'm not sacrificing the good knife because there's four bowls waiting? It's all in. And it's better, you waste more water using the sink.

Oh, I don't know about that. I reckon that was completely made up. Fake news. That was nice saying that and then turning away and then looking back to see if anyone had checked. I've gotten away with this.

So if any of the good things were in the dishwasher and they needed to be used i was taking them out and washing them by hand because i was like look i'm fucking unemployed now yeah i haven't got anything to do yes so i'm more than you're in dalesford it's not i think in dalesford you meant to like make your own bowls go out the back yeah get the clay yeah but she i mean she was in the right and We don't have a dishwasher normally. I've never lived in a house with a working dishwasher.

I was preventing her from using the treat of the dishwasher. Yeah, okay. So that's why you think you're wrong, because you should have just let her have that little thing for herself. Yeah. Okay. I thought we were going to debate this, and then you just said,

I'm wrong in the middle of it. No, I think you have to hold up your hand sometimes and say, look, I fucked up. Like me with an animation degree. Yeah. I'm not going to debate this for another six months. I'm a big wash my hand though. Yeah.

I like it. I used to have a dishwasher in my flat in London, which I never used once. Yeah. Yeah, I don't like it. I'm completely with that. I like wash it by hand. It makes it look like you've done something. It looks like you've achieved something.

I think even if I moved into a house now with a dishwasher, I think I've done it by hand for too long that I'd never be able to use the dishwasher. Yeah. I think I'm 33've done it by hand for too long that I'd never be able to use the dishwasher I think I'm 33 it's too far we've got a dishwasher and like if I get home and my wife has

put it on I'm like come on what are you doing what have you got today to have done you could have just done the dishes

brutal raise the child that you have together you've had the baby you're three nights at the Hilton you got waited on hand and foot there It has to stop somewhere

Get the gloves out And get soaping And what do you use the washing machine for as well? What's wrong with a sink? A mungle What's wrong with going down to the riverbank And getting it done down there? What's wrong with those rocks?

Dave O'Neill told me very recently That he doesn't have a microwave. And I find that very weird. I got a microwave. I find that very odd. People have non-microwave houses. I was a non-microwaver until we had our child and got it in just for the child. And you just wanted it to be a little bit hotter?

Yeah, just to warm up the kid because we don't have blankets. We don't have any rugs for the kids so i only had the baby's cold 20 seconds yeah well he's only got a tank top so whack it in the panasonic again i like how incredulous you are about dave o'neill specifically not having a microwave yeah he looks like he owns 10 yeah well he the reason i say it so specifically he's the first person to that i think I've met that hasn't got one. Right. Although he's told me they haven't got one. Yeah, it looks like the person who eats the most microwavable food.

Exactly. I use the microwave all the time. So that's it. Daily. That body has been created by just fresh cooked stuff. He just doesn't look like a... Yeah. Dave O'Neill doesn't look like a, yeah, that's what,

Dave O'Neill doesn't look like the kind of guy that gets a plate of food out from last night's dinner and warms it up in a pan. Yeah, yeah, he doesn't, yeah,

he doesn't look like he's, he's warming, he looks, he doesn't look like he's eating fruit. Like, he looks like he's, he looks like he's eating fruit. This has gone down the road

I didn't want it to, Dave O'Neill. So, Dave O'Neill, if you're listening, you're a lovely man. Big respect. I wasn't going down that Dave O'Neill So Dave O'Neill If you're listening You're a lovely man Big respect I wasn't going down That angle at all

My question was Before your baby came along Carl How did you warm up food Quickly I don't think You know Yeah look

The pan was to go A lot of cold meals In the Chandler household You just ate it cold No a lot of You know what Because there's two of us You would cook for two

And that's it And then it's all gone Hold Go out Hold it under the sun. Yeah. Put it on the roof. It's just a big microwave when it all boils down to it. Yeah, everyone wants solar panels. Well, why don't you just cut out the middleman, put food on the roof and heat it up that way.

There you go. There you go. Seeing on the weather report that it's hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk and going, here we fucking go. Well, I'll put two on the roof because it's closer to the sun. Even better. The Chandlers are having a warm dinner tonight, darling. Cancel the dinner reservation.

Yeah, if it's an egg on the footpath, I can put a roast on the roof. Yes. That's how it works. That's the golden rule. Yeah. All right, we'd better wrap it up for another week on the little dum-dum club. Nath Valvo, Lloyd Langford, thank you very much for joining us. Ask us what we have to plug.

Yeah. Lol. We've got stuff have to plug. Yeah. Lol. You got stuff online. You're on... Yeah, you'll be bashing out a little screenplay after you've done that writing course. Oh, yeah. In a year's time, I will have a short movie I want you to vote for at Trop Fest. Yeah, great.

But you're online. You got... You're on the Stan thing? Oh, yeah. Sure. When is this out? This week. Wednesday? Oh, yeah, sure. When is this out? This week. Wednesday.

Oh, okay. So if this is out, okay. In the next week or so, my last year show, I'm happy for you, will be on the ABC comedy podcast. Oh, great. Oh, easy. So you can listen to my show last year. Cool.

In full. That's kind of fun. You thought you didn't have something to play. There you go. I have one thing. There you go. You've got a podcast. You're one of us.

You nerd. You're just like me plug. There you go. I have one thing. There we go. You've got a podcast. You're one of us. You nerd. You're just like me and Carl, you virgin. And if you didn't see my show last year, it's a whole hour of me pooing when I go for jogs at night. Yeah. So it's a good listen. Oh, I'm a hack. Fuck. What about you, Lloyd?

Oh, I've got nothing. Fuck yeah. I'm doing spleen on Friday. There we go. There we go. Well, it's sold out Friday. There we go. There we go. Well, it's sold out anyway, so it's pretty impressive given the Spleen can fit 15 people at the moment. Yes, it is sold out. He's back, baby.

You've got stuff online, haven't you? Yeah, you can Google me and there'll be some clips and stuff like that. But you've just listened to me for an hour, so have a break for fuck's sake. That's a good plug. 500 and something episodes, we've never had someone go, yeah, you know what? You're not rushing out right now anymore.

Whereas I'm like an hour more of me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go and get it. I do like it. It's always a good alpha move for a guest. We go, oh, anything to plug?

And they always look down at us and go, as if we need to fucking use this platform to plug something way bigger than this thing. You'll be begging me to use my socials to plug this, you peasant.

All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. And they've done it again. They've done it again. Have we already said that or not? Today or in the past? This week, yeah.

This week. I don't think we've said it welcome to talking dum-dum uh the show where we look back on the week that was on the podcast the little dum-dum the highlights my name is tommy dasolo and i'm joined by my co-host carl chandler hello tommy what do you think um i think on the sports desk he kicked a big one he kicked a big one i think uh look i i don't think, look, I don't think I'm talking out of school when I summate the episode like this. Have you ever talked in school?

Where does that saying come from? Have we discussed this on the show? Because you use that phrase a lot. It feels like something, because I've always, I've never heard it in my life. Really? Until I heard you start saying it. Really?

So what is the idea that like you're not allowed to talk about what happened at school when you're outside of school? Which begs the question, what's happening to you in school? Yeah, maybe it's, I guess you're coming from the viewpoint of the teacher sort of going. Don't you tell mum and dad what's happened here. Yeah. Which is like, that's so sus. It's so sus. I guess it's like,

don't tell on your teacher for whacking you on the ass or something. Like old school and you're not being a dobber. Getting the cane. Yeah. Yeah. But then why again? Like why are they caning you if they're afraid of,

because yeah, what's that back in the day, back in the day getting the cane? Yeah. Your parents knew that was happening. I mean, they're signing off on it. Everyone's okay with you just getting walloped at school. That's why you don't want to talk outside of school

because A, you're trying to get your teacher in trouble who's going to whack you twice as much and B, your parents don't want to hear about it. Don't ask, don't tell, like the military. Yeah, exactly like that. That's what this is like. We're like the military. Yeah, okay, great, great.

Back to actually doing the thing itself. The school bell's rung. Time to start gabbing. Great, great. We're in class now? No, no, no, we're outside of class. Oh. Well, then I don't want to talk about it then.

Oh, okay. If we're in class, I can talk about it. Okay, well, the bell's rung again. Now we're outside of class oh well then i don't want to talk about it then oh okay well sorry in class i can talk about okay well the bell's rung again now we're back in class this is this is second um what do you call it period period yeah this is geography right now uh or maybe it's pe because we're kicking a big one yes yeah this is pe okay so we're in pe i can I'm free to talk. Yep. Great. Look, it's another episode where we invite guests in and they probably don't have anything to talk about. And so we go, okay, well, here's things that happened to us and you can comment on that if you like. And just so everyone knows, we're aware of that.

The guests are aware of that. No one needs to jump in and go go why didn't you let them talk why didn't you let them tell their stories they didn't have any stories we had things so we told them otherwise this would be a fucking blank podcast this would go for about 15 minutes especially this time where it's like

what have you been up to nothing nothing's been happening nothing's been happening at all so just in case you were thinking of getting on social media or letting us know here's a few comments here's a few criticisms of the show it was a good episode it's the best episode we could have done we're aware of what you're aware of yes exactly yeah yeah yeah we don't need to hear it you're welcome yeah i can't help but feel like maybe

this has just put the idea in people's heads, had quite potentially the opposite effect to what we were hoping it would. I just want you guys to know at home that every episode we do is the best possible episode. Given the circumstances. Given the circumstances. Yeah. Yeah. Good point.

We would, and this is not having other guests involved. I think that was a fun episode and everyone jumped in or whatever. And this is not having all the guests involved. I think that was a fun ep and everyone jumped in and whatever. But it is very rare, even so you have a newfound love for any guest that does this, that comes in and goes, Who's hurt you recently? I just want people, I can just see into the future. We've been doing this long enough where I know what's going to happen.

I can see what people go, they go, oh. And, you know, I handle the socials and I get a few of these from time to time. Oh, why don't you do this? Why don't you do that? Oh, fucking hell.

So, hey, we'd love it if guests came in and had some sort of Homer's Odyssey to talk about. Yes. Fucking love it. It's not going to happen. Especially the fact that these days,

there's that many fucking podcasts going around. Most guests that we have on have got their own podcast. They're saving their good gear for that. 100%. And then, I mean, to – yeah, look, I hate to dwell on the negatives and it feels weird to sit here and discuss potential negative things that people haven't even had the opportunity to say yet.

But one could make the criticism, oh, why don't you ask some questions? Why don't you interview these people? It's like, what is there to say yet, but one could make the criticism, oh, why don't you ask some questions? Why don't you interview these people? It's like, what is there to say? It's like, oh, what's it like being a white man in comedy? Like, there's not, you know what I mean? Like, hey, did some Googling, did some research, would love for something out of this world to have jumped out at me about these guests, but it's just like, what's it like moving

to another country to do comedy? Who gives a fuck? Yeah. Also, just so you know as well at home, and this is behind the curtain, this is classic talking dumb-dumb. Yeah. If you are a guest on a podcast, if I'm a guest on a podcast, if you're a guest on a podcast, Tommy, and you come in

and you don't have to bring something in and someone else tells some fuck stories and you just get to snipe off the back of it that's the perfect guest role yes yes if i don't have to get on and tell a story if i can just be a smartass because someone else will shit their pants or whatever yes that's the perfect role yeah yeah yeah i'm never i'm never on anything going like god i wish someone had asked me more questions or throw to me so i can get myself in here or i wish you know or this this person's getting me to be on a podcast and they've said, can you bring in the best story that's ever happened to you? It's like, no, I can't.

Yeah. I'm saving that for something else that's not your podcast. So, yeah, look, I'm probably unnecessarily angry about a criticism that hasn't been thrown at me yet. I don't know why we've both so fired up about this. This, for all we know, people have just listened to the following hour and none of this has left out of them at all. Yeah, it's like you've watched Usain Bolt win the 100 metres

and then go, yeah, well, you cunts are all fucking, it's hard to run. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were just going to say congratulations. What a great race you ran. People going, best of the year so far. Best of the year so far. Better than the horny IMDB list. It's the best I could have done.

It's the fastest I could have run, you fucking cunts, okay? All right, mate. All right, we get it. That's a good tagline for us. Every episode of this show, every week, it's the best we could have done, given the circumstances. One thing you can say about us, we're never in here going, you know what, we could be doing this a little bit better.

Let's just take our foot off the gas.'s take it down to an eight yeah exactly we're not we're not you know this is not this is episode 505 or six or something like that yeah this is not this is not you know 64 where we're just sort of going okay i guess we do another one of these now whatever this is you know we're firing on all cylinders. We're aware of everything around us. This is work. We're company men at this point. We are like Japanese salary men. We've just been at the same – we're just devoting our lives

to working at the same company for an incredibly long time. We're in here at all hours of the night. They've had to start cutting the power so we don't you know burn ourselves out working until 1am every night and then end up killing ourselves in a cubicle the metaphor's kind of falling apart there but yeah yeah yeah but we're you know we're we're in just just so you know we're in episodes they're being recorded we're aware of where we are in the episodes where to push things where we're going with this what we've got up our sleeves when we're one two years into it we're getting 20 30 minutes in going where's this going yeah this, what we've got up our sleeves. When we're one, two years into it, we're getting 20, 30 minutes in going,

where's this going? Yeah. Should we shut it down now? Yeah. What the fuck are we doing? Yeah. So anything you listen to in that era of the podcast, you know, and if it's good, then fucking you should be thanking the gods for that.

Yeah. Because that was just a miracle that anything good was happening. So what you're saying is if you're listening to this and you think, geez, this sounds a bit inept, assured that's on purpose we're in control here this is what we wanted yeah okay so don't don't criticize anything because this is the way that we wanted it to be it's it takes a decade of experience to come across as this hopeless yeah yeah yeah it's like yeah you know it's like it's like sort of deconstructionist comedy you know you have to you have to know the rules before you can break the rules yes so this is 10 years of experience podcasting coming up uh for us to be talking about shitting our

pants exactly going to mcdonald's or whatever yeah that's some good stuff yeah right so this is yeah if you're that's the thing you get a lot of people we hear from a lot of people that have gotten into this podcast and don't do the deep dive back and just are happy to go, okay, we found you at episode 450 and we've listened to everyone since then and we're a bit scared to go back. I'm always like, good call. Cool.

Don't. Don't worry about it. Don't do it. Maybe we should officially, maybe this is what we should do, work out the number when people are allowed to start at because there are plenty of episodes in the 300s and 400 and probably 200s i imagine um that are good episodes that we really get very consistent at maybe we need to find that magic number where it's like you're allowed to start listening there you know what's weird though is

like it feels like from going we're on 505 now and then going like, yeah, the 300 is like, oh, fuck, that's ages ago. Like that's, you know, numbers wise, that's so far back. But then thinking about the amount of time it is since we did our 300th episode, it doesn't feel like that long ago. No, it doesn't. The live one, you know. No, you're right. My point is it's crazy how time works. And look, like I said, it takes a lot of experience

to be able to speak so ineptly into a microphone. Yeah, back in episode three, we didn't know how crazy time was, but now we do. Hey, now doing this for long enough, oh boy. The more you know, the more you know that you don't know.

Yes. So Bernie's kicked a big one, they've done it again. Yeah, we couldn't have done that 10 years know. Yes. Yeah. So Bernie's kicked a big one. They've done it again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We couldn't have done that 10 years ago. No. What else? What else is news this week?

Oh, man. Fucking hell. I've been sending out... We've sent out a few. I've sent out a lot of fucking jumpers, a lot of merch, a lot of hoodies, a lot of... Talking dum-dum. The very segment we're in at the moment. You've been doing the Lord's work.

Oh, God. If the Lord's a cunt, then yes, that's what I've been doing. I had to drop the remainder of the boxes to your house the other day that had been stored in my car. And it was particularly brutal because I helped you carry them inside and your wife was at home. And just the dismayed look on her face. No, we just got rid of four of these things.

Now there's a fresh old delivery. It kind of broke my heart. It was an awful moment to be a part of. You know what? She doesn't get angry and she doesn't get annoyed too much, but this annoys her. The amount of merch that is sitting around in our house definitely annoys her a lot.

Yeah. Because she was annoyed at there's three boxes at the moment in the baby's room. Well, I think there's about to be about 14 boxes in the baby's room. And when this was coming through, so we went and picked all of them up and so I've had a few of them at my house for a bit. You've sort of gotten the boxes in like staggered little increments. How honest –

COVID style. Instead of like infecting everyone at once, we've just sort of slowly brought the boxes in. Yeah, yeah. Are you – how forthcoming are you being with her about like, hey, just so you know, there's another 15 of these around the corner. Or are you like you've got two in there and you're like, no, there's a couple more maybe.

She's been told that's the last of the boxes a couple of times so far. Exactly how I thought you would have been handling that. Exactly how I predicted you would have done the PR spin of that one. Yep. Great. Great to know. Yep. Yep.

You know me better than she does because she believed it. So, yeah, very slowly getting those out. Oh, no, I shouldn't say very slowly.

You powered her on. Yeah. God, fuck, it's a pain. You were here a week ago and we did a little afternoon of bagging

a few of them. I'm glad we did that because that was quite slow what we did. Like, we just got 10'm glad we did that because that was quite slow what we did like we just got 10 of them out and that was enough of a pain in the ass so now you know

like that's my equivalent job of you editing this show I know that that's a pain in the ass for you to do it's nice for you to know that I've got an equivalent job do you know that

that's a pain in the ass for me to do well I assume it is I assume it is no no but also I'm well aware like I've got my own I've been sending out T-shirts and stuff. I've been self-isolating for years.

Yes, nice. So, yeah, I'm fully aware. It's – yeah, to the point where when I was selling off the shirts and stuff that I got made for my exhibition at the end of the year, I reached a point where I just stopped promoting it online because I was like – I was about to promoting it online because i was like i was about to go to hawaii and i was like you know what i don't want any new orders to come in before i go away because it's just going to hang over me while i'm away and then i don't want to have to come

back and fucking sit in the studio and bag all these up well i do that thing where i like i you know when we first started doing this i was putting in personalized notes to everyone and i'm still doing that now. But it's that thing where you get so sick of it and your hand gets so sick of it. I feel guilty. I feel ashamed because I'm writing these notes. You're sick of this. Yeah, I'm writing these notes. Carl, I'm sick of this.

I'm writing these notes and I'm like, my hand doesn't want to do it anymore. And it's just misspelling or it's writing wrong. And I'm like trying to riff while I'm writing. And I'm misspelling my own name and stuff like that yeah and i know that these our customers our listeners are opening this out and going why did he spell his name with a c yeah i found it was more i mean i didn't do that many of them the other day but it was more the mind that was hurting because it's like try and make a little comment on the address or the name and it's just like looking at John Smith that lives at 1 Vanilla Avenue

and it's like, God, what do you say about any of this? Oh, it must be nice. Is it near McDonald's? Just Jesus fucking Christ. It is just like really riffing with the weight vest on where it's like if you yeah just getting up there at a gig and going what's your name and not asking what they do for a living like what's your street name yeah yeah i i found my my thing was my hand my hand was just getting carpal tunnel syndrome and just and it would get to like dear wubbsy

ah this will be good to wear for you in your fuck town suck shit ha ha thanks mate and then tommy and then my hand would break down when i'd go to write tommy and carl and would either look like i've misspelled either tommy or carl or i tried to do the ampersand yeah and it would just look like a fucking piece of cow shit yeah and you could just see people opening this up and going why can't this cunt write well how hard is it to write and yeah and especially i mean it's it look it i i'm so torn because it is nice to have the personal touch in there yeah but i would argue that at such a huge volume that's probably one of the first things that can go especially when you consider that the person's hoping that reading and going that's nice being That's what I'm like.

After doing like 150 of them last week and then I'm waiting for them on social media and no one's putting up, oh, thanks for the personalized note. But then I'm also going, well, I hope they're not putting the personalized note up because I got sick of it way in and anyone that was buying one from Queensland, I'd be sending a hoodie going, yeah, this will be good in chilly fucking Queensland, you dickhead. Doing a lot of that.

I was doing a lot of that the other day. Yeah. I was doing them, folding them up, and I had the same thing. I hope no one puts this on social media so that Carl can then see what an atrocious job I've done of trying to riff on where this cunt lives. Right, yeah. Well, I was like, right, Queensland and WA, you can get the, ah, it's too

hot for a hoodie you fuckhead and then it'd be like tasmania oh well this will be good i guess you know what south wales um oh you're near melbourne go either way you know what we talked a lot on this episode about um our lives now that uh the the uh in victoria the and a lot of Australia, the restrictions kind of starting to be eased, like being able to see mates, go to the pub and everything. And nowhere is it truer that life is sort of back on track then. Here we are, back to bitching about people complaining about the show and sending out the T-shirts.

We're back to having real things to complain about, not just on here going, God, COVID sucks, doesn't it? Yeah, the world has healed, but our egos haven't or something like that. The world has healed and revealed that our wounds from other shit are just gaping. We hate people teeing off on social media, et cetera. But yes, get on littledumbdumbclub.com. You can buy one of these new hoodies and t-shirts

they look fantastic what a great ad for it we hate sending them out we hate writing notes to you we'll probably send you a shit note get one and find out yeah any

any any complete any people who just want to make us feel completely fucked maybe that's an ad you don't even necessarily you just like

you don't want the jumpy you don't want the t-shirt you're just like hearing how much these guys hate doing it knowing that i'm going to slightly ruin their day i'm in now yeah and also maybe order a size that you'll very quickly get an email back from me going i forgot we've run out of them are you sure you're not smaller than what you thought you were? Yeah, yeah. Did your diet not kick in around today? Maybe you slimmed down slightly. Yeah, yeah. It was like, I know you ordered a 3XL in black, but what about an extra small baby shirt in blue?

Okay, I guess. Yeah, if that's all that's going. I could just cut the design out and wear it as a patch on a larger T-shirt. As an elbow patch. Yeah, yeah. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for that. Also, you can get tickets to our live 500th show, which is happening November the 7th at the Athenaeum Theatre in Melbourne.

Yeah, it's getting closer and closer. Once again, that's how time works. It was getting closer and closer for a while, and then it got a long way away. But it will eventually happen. All right. And part of this show, of course, is thanking everyone for being part of keeping this show alive,

for subscribing to us on Patreon, patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. It pays for this show to be made. That's literally what it does um so thank you to you shareholders in the business and of course um like any on the board yeah like any agm that comes out like the printed um um annual report you've got to be you you've got to have all the members their names written in there at some point and that's what this is every week we do do an AGM every week.

We should start doing – like we should have a Patreon tier that's a spot on the board, and then every month, every couple of months we have board meetings, us and 10 listeners that put in whatever it is, $200 a month on Patreon, and we sit there and we go, all right, you know, everyone loves to have have this say oh i have this person on more oh what if you do an episode where you shit in each other's mouth but if you've got a seat on the board you actually get to come in and sit with us we hire us we go to the we go to one of those weird conference rooms that you can just hire for

free at office works yeah and we just sit in there and you've got a seat, you get a say. What about this? What about if we do like an AGM, like an annual report? Maybe it can be a bonus Patreon episode. If we're treating like Patreon subscribers like board members, we just let them say, like maybe at the end of the financial year, which is coming up, we let them say where the business should be going in the next 12 months. Okay, yep. And that can be an episode of be going in the next 12 months. Okay. Yep.

And that can be an episode of us going through the board members' requests and how we've gone over the last 12 months. How they want us to grow, what they would like us to spend the funds on, like where the money should be going. Yep. And where we've gone right and wrong in the last 12 months. Okay. Yeah.

All right. Let's- Dumb Dumb Inc. Yeah. All right. Let's – Dum Dum Inc. Yeah, let's get that going. I guess we start a thread in the Patreon-only Facebook group. Yeah. Or people can message it to us if they subscribe. If you're not on Facebook.

And, yeah, we'll do a big EFS spectacular. Yeah, yeah. The Little Dum Dum Club. Great. All right. And, of course, if you're on Patreon as well saying thank you and saying

and helping us to put this thing together you get plenty of bonus shit these days we got rid of the magazine if we didn't talk about that it was taking too much fucking work

but we're putting a lot of bonus stuff we're putting up two bonus episodes a week two mini bonuses a week which are all being very well received by people.

And yeah, I don't think we ever did say on the show that formally that we had retired the magazine. And I've got to say, we're sitting here at the dawn of a new month. Fuck me dead. I don't know if this crept into your head the last few days of May. Just remembering, oh man, I would be frantically scrambling to draw a little comic at the moment in the old world

you know what I've been thinking print media is dead and I'm loving it now digital media is dead as well yeah right so that doesn't come out anymore

we did 51 episodes and we did ourselves proud but time for time for using our time in a better way but we do do two bonus episodes a week that come out at the moment.

And, man, a lot of them have been like, fuck, I wish that everyone got to hear those ones because there have been some cracking ones lately. Yeah, we've done some real great work. A lot of great guests. Little mini bite-sized chunks on a Monday and Friday to sort of spread out your week with content if you want it. So, yeah, it's a great, it's a fucking great deal.

It's, yeah, two a week if you're on the $10 a month and two a month if you're on the $5 a month. That's it. And also getting your little name read out. And getting your little dick sucked. Yes, let's do some names. Yes, it is 2020. Let's read out some names right now

thank you to everyone who subscribes of course but in particular this week this is your time for these however many we end up doing this week

first cap off the rank let's hit the big red button in finally I can use my own finger on the untitled unplanneditled uh unplanned title

alternator unplanned title alternator use your own finger yeah well instead of like you know using it like a stilt or a stick because uh it's been self-isolating I can oh you were just putting a glove on yeah restrictions of east okay right right right yeah yeah so it's you're allowed you now allowed gatherings of up to five unplanned title alternators in the house. Yes. Or 20 if you go to a park with them. Yes. And Cap has been around to wash the button this week.

Yeah, great, great. Yeah, so it's all good. Count how many buttons are on it. Yep. Yeah. Thank you to Patreon subscribers. First Cap off the ring, Fraser Wallace. Fraser Wallace.

Yeah. Weird name. Very weird name. It sounds like it's the wrong way around. It sounds like you're reading it out school roll style. It's like Wallace Fraser should be the name. I would have to say Fraser Wallace beats Wallace Fraser all ends up though. You're right.

Wallace Fraser sounds like you're trying to think of some absolute fucking dork who's probably maybe in his mid-30s but goes around with like some sort of brown jacket with elbow patches on some sort of dork with a perm or something okay the the i love just your reaching for the the hallmark of the dork yeah elbow patches yes'm thinking of some sort of like older Napoleon Dynamite type character. Yeah, I see what you're saying. Like a, do you mean sort of like a younger man, like a mid-20s guy, like kind of dressing in a kind of op shop, older kind of way, that kind of thing?

Dressing like his dad for some reason. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like his dad who also dresses too old for whatever he is. Right, right, right. Yeah. I have a reverse thing with my dad where I think I'm dressing older and my dad, I think we've talked about this on the show before, but when I have clothes that I'm going to take to the op shop or whatever,

before I do that, I'll take them around to my dad. So most of my dad's wardrobe is clothes that I used to own. Oh, yeah, right. He refers to them as his hand-me-downs. Hand-me-ups. Yeah, sorry, hand-me-ups. So quite frequently I'll be out with him and I'll just be like, this guy's dressed flashier than I am.

I like how you're like, he refers to them as this very commonly used phrase. Yeah, yeah, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, hand-me-ups. Yeah, I hand them up to him. Who's taller out of you and your dad? Dad's slightly taller. Is he?

Yeah. Right. But hand them up to you. Who's taller out of you and your dad? Dad's slightly taller. Is he? Yeah. Right. But all my stuff fits him. I don't think he's that much taller than me, but he's... Right. Yeah. He's pretty slim. Right.

Yeah. Yeah. He's... But yeah, everything. It's... Yeah, it's not... What does your dad do to maintain that physique? He doesn't eat much at all.

Oh, really? Very, very light eater bird like he's very bird like um when anytime i go out for a meal with mom and dad they share a meal i've never seen them both order a main really yeah wow so it's quite common like if i go for like a pub meal with them there's this ordeal of that them say they want a palmer. You know, they're like a palmer at the pub. Yeah. Which, you know, two of you, hey, can we just split this? Yeah.

That's not an insane request. Right. But because they're of that generation, it's like them describing that to the waiter. How are you making this sound so complicated? Right, okay. And like a little bit of just slight aggression in there as well. You can see the waiter being slightly taken aback and also confused and then sort of me having to go and follow the waiter

after they've walked off going, I don't think they really summed that up. I don't think they really properly explained what they're doing. Right. They're both not hungry enough to eat a parma themselves. So can they just have – Yeah. Even just a knife that's thick enough to cut it down the center and then a second plate is all they need.

I would have thought the thing to do was order the meal. Can I have another plate with that? We have another plate and like a steak knife to be able to cut this in half. Right. Because you know, your standard cutlery, if you wanted to really cut it down the middle might be a bit difficult. What's your standard cutlery, what's your standard knife doing if not being able to cut a palmer?

Because that's how you chop it up to eat it. Yeah, true. But if you just want to do a big honk down the middle and then divvy it up. Okay. You know. Right. Okay. So that gets overly complicated.

Gets overly complicated. You know that awful thing when you're with someone and you just, I don't know, I feel like I'm typically, I feel like I'm often in positions where someone's making a complex order and you feel like

you can see in the matrix. Right. You know when you can see two people in a discussion and you can tell that they've misunderstood each other but neither of them

realizes it and it's like you can see the code where you're like, oh no, like he actually wants this in his coffee but the waiter thinks he's meant this. This is a fucking see the code where you're like, oh, no. Like he actually wants this in his coffee, but the waiter thinks he's meant this. This is a fucking disaster.

And then you're having to leap in and go, actually, what he's asking is this. I thought you would have had the main bugbear would have been them deciding on which meal they're going halves in. No, they usually can sync up there pretty well. Dad's pretty fussy, though, is the only thing sometimes. But more or less, if they're just at a pub, they'll just split a parma. Dad's pretty fussy though. Right. Is the only thing sometimes. But like more or less if they're just at a pub, they'll just split a parma. I love splitting a parma. So your mum's more forgiving though.

She's like, okay, I know your dad's going to be like this. He wants a parma without chicken and without cheese. It's a bit like that. Right. It's mum's like, what about this? Dad's like, nah. Right. What about this? Nah.

What about this? Okay. Right. Yeah. And classic mum move, just having to roll with it and go, no questions asked. Yeah. Okay. I guess I'll eat whatever I'm allowed to eat or whatever.

Yep. Yeah. Dad's very uncompromising in those situations. Dad's never like, I can tell you really want this, so I'll just get it. So quite often it's me going, oh mum, I'll share that with you. If you want it, but you don't want the full thing, I'll have some chips. Because dad's not fucking playing ball here. What's his go-to or what's his no dice?

What won't he? Yeah, what do you think? What are the sort of areas he won't fuck with? Doesn't eat red meat. Really? Yeah, I think the only meat he eats is chicken. He only eats chicken and fish. Okay.

So, yeah, anything. Is there a reason behind that? He thinks eating animals is cruel, even though he will eat some of them. Yeah. I think you'll eat pigs. He's like, it's so cruel to eat. It's so cruel to eat cows because they're such sensitive creatures and they know what's going on. I'm like think they've done i think they actually know for a

fact that pigs are like incredibly smart right i think pigs are like the smartest animal that people commonly eat right i think i think they're one i could be completely wrong about this but it's my understanding that they're in that category of animal that knows that something bad's happening to them when they're being let into the fucking slaughterhouse or whatever. Dad's like, yeah, but bacon, I'm not giving that up. Yeah. You've watched Animal Farm, is what you're saying. I actually haven't, no.

Oh, right, right, right. No. Right. Watch Charlotte's Web, though. Same thing? Same, sort of same thing. Pretty much the same thing. Same message, sort of.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, thanks, Fraser. Thanks, Fraser. Hey, I guess the enduring message there is your name could be worse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It could be Wallace Fraser. Just the idea of Fraser going, yes, I got to hear about Tommy's dad's diet.

Yeah. It could be Frasier Wallace. He could be named after a terrible TV show. Thanks, Fraser. So we're saying it's objectively terrible. That's the stance on the show. Not just we don't like it. It's terrible.

It's a fact. It's a fact. Okay. They fucked it up. All those Emmys were jokes. Yep. They're ironic. Yep.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber Pat Nichols. Pat. I mean, I've said on the show, I've made a stance on the show before. Patrick. I like Patrick. Not sure about Pat. What about this? If you have a girlfriend, but if you were with a girl called Patricia

and she insisted that her name be Pat, what would you feel about that? Because I wouldn't love it. You wouldn't love it? Pat seems to me like a bit of an auntie's name. Yeah, big time. But then so is Patricia. Even shortening it's not so much the problem. Patricia I can deal with.

Patricia I can deal with. Yeah, it's okay. Yeah, but would you really... I guess the problem is with shortening a name, if you're seeing someone called Patricia and you're constant... And it's a bit of a tricky one to say as well. Patricia, Patricia, Patricia. So if you're talking about your partner a lot,

surely at a certain point you're going, I can't be fucked with this. Yeah, yeah. There is a lot of syllables, Patricia. Patricia. I mean, officially. At a certain point you're going i can't be fucked with this yeah yeah there is a lot there is a lot of syllables patricia patricia i mean official point is pat yeah i'd be like can i call you patty cake i just start calling her patty cakes i've always liked the idea of giving partner giving a partner a nickname that's not like not like a cutesy in you know like relationship nickname but like an abbreviation of their name

but they don't use that no one else has ever called them right you know what i mean so you come along you meet them at age 30 and you're like guess what you're this now and they're like no i've always hated that abbreviation of my of my name that's like too fucking bad so what they've always hated it or they'd never heard it before they're just like no one no one calls me so patricia you go ricky Yeah, something like that. Yeah. Yeah. See, I could deal with that.

Ricky, Patricia, Ricky. I could call a girl Ricky. Ricky. Yeah, that's pretty good. I don't mind that. I don't mind that. Yeah. Pat, I don't want to call my girlfriend Auntie Pat.

I would just go with Patty Cakes in that position. Yeah, that's funny. That's so bad. Patty Cakes in that position. You like that? Yeah. That's funny. That's so bad. Patty Cakes. Yeah. It's always been my dream to just have, just really fuck up a nickname for a partner. Yeah. My girlfriend's got a good name.

I like saying my girlfriend's name. Yeah. No need to abbreviate it. No, you know. I told this on the show years ago, but like I would give my girlfriend at the time, now my wife, a nickname, but then she would, she wouldn't be like, like I would say, I would give my girlfriend at the time, now my wife, a nickname. But then she would, she wouldn't be like, like I would say, I would call her Deborah. And then start calling her Debbie.

Because it's just, apologies to anyone out there with the name Deborah or Debbie. I just found that a funny name. Yeah. It's just a funny name for anyone to have. Yeah. Especially a funny name for my girlfriend to have. And I was calling her that. And she hated it.

So in reply, she didn't like think of what would be a fucked name for a guy be she she just started calling me debbie yeah that's good so i'm like oh let's take it all the fun out of that no i think it's made it more fun that's perfect that's like that's that's evil genius level yeah that's incredible debbie debbie and she would just say to me, Debbie. Like, fucking hell. So hang on. So this name is Pat Nichols. Yes. So we've gotten onto Patricia. Do we know the gender?

No. Right. You'd have to assume that it's... Male. Male, yeah. Yeah, I think so. So you were saying you don't like the shortening of Pat, even for a male? Yes.

don't like the shortening of pat even for a male yes but but any if you met someone and they're introducing themselves as patrick if they're just referring to themselves as yeah patrick all the time really i like it pat is like cow pat that's like shit a pat is a shit it's it's not good and it just sounds like a shit as well it sounds like the effect of poo leaving an ass and hitting the ground pat you know the interesting thing is i have two friends called pat both of whom listen And it just sounds like a shit as well. It sounds like the effect of poo leaving an ass and hitting the ground. Pat. You know, the interesting thing is I have two friends called Pat, both of whom listen to this. It's not just a funny link to have. I don't have too many.

I've got a couple of IRL non-comedy friends who listen to this. And just like the startling percentage of them that have the nickname, the first name Pat, really makes you think about it. About a turd dropping out of a cow's anus and hitting the ground. That's you. That's you. That's your mate. That's you, Pat. Hey, both of you, that's you.

And that's your mate. Yeah, that's my mate. He's pointing at it on the ground. Your mate's with a shit. Yeah, I'm going to give it a Just pointing at it on the ground. Your mates with a shit. Yeah. I'm going to give it a hug. I'm going to give that big turd a hug because it's my friend. Imagine.

Imagine being mates with shit. That's you. That is me. Damn. Well, thanks, Pat. Thanks, Nichols. Thanks, Nico. Pat Nichols.

I don't mind Nichols, but yeah. Thank you, Patreon subscriber Joshua C. Now, this name I see a lot I see it a bit I had to make sure There was a Not a record of Having read this name

Out before But there wasn't Now What the fuck's Going on here Yeah It's What is this

I mean there's There's a couple of things Going on So for the listener Because we're used to Seeing this on the socials, but the surname C-S-E-E. Yeah, too.

What the fuck is going on there? It is. Honestly. Look, I don't know if you know this, but back in the day, people would get surnames thanks to their occupation. Yeah. So this family, you know, the head of this family or whatever, the first person to have sight.

Yeah. So everyone's running around, eyes closed, and this other guy's like, Jesus Christ. There's these things called colours. There's light. This is literally where that phrase came from. In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. Exactly.

That's this guy. This guy is great, great, great, et cetera. King C. The first person to see. The one-eyed man. This guy's come from royalty. So the one-eyed man is king for a bit, and then sooner or later evolution takes hold, and guess what?

Yeah. All of a sudden there's one of these motherfuckers that's got a second eye. He's like, guys, there's actually depth as well. Yeah, having said that, it's like, I get it. In the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king because he can see but like once uh once someone comes along with two eyes is like fuck off cyclops i'll take it from here it's like man i mean sure you've got a little bit more balance um but it's not that big of a difference but also the thing about the thing

that is also flawed with that i think is that so the one-eyed man he can see he's he's the king so that he's the king he's ruling over all these people who are blind but also like he's outnumbered like what do they care like this guy's like oh i can see and you people are all idiots and there's this and this and this and they're just like yeah guess what we don't give a fuck we're not electing you as king we're electing one of us who knows what it's like to also be blind you're up there you're fucking trying to tell us how it is well we're just meant to take your word for it get fucked well i mean they're gonna struggle voting for someone

else because like who's gonna count the votes well yeah they can't see the ballot yeah they're probably voting for him by accident exactly that's probably what he's doing so he's got him over a barrel, I reckon. Damn, all right. Well, this, okay, I'm turning around on this Joshua C. character. This abomination of a name. Yeah, yeah. I guess he's, because he's very, he's sort of a bit hamstrung with the name.

Like he can't go, he has to use the full name. Because if he starts going by Josh C, that's a real tongue twister. Well, he's lucky that he's got that one of the senses that he's named after. I mean, Joshua Smell, a lot worse. Yeah, big time, big time. Joshy Smell. Yeah, I mean, if your vision started faltering and you were starting to go blind, you'd be like, this is going to be a fucking nightmare,

telling people that I have no vision with this surname. What if, I know we've talked, nearly the whole segment is based on this idea of, imagine having this name when you're growing up at school. What sort of shit would you cop when you're growing up, when you're at school? But imagine this this new concept. You are a parent. You don't want your, you know, sort of based on the old Johnny Cash song of A Boy Called Sue. The guy names his son Sue so that he'll get in a lot of fights and end up being tough.

Okay. That's the flawed idea. Yeah. Either that or he'll get bullied that much he'll kill himself in primary school. I don't know. Now, what if you... Tommy Daslow, you have a son, you put him to school. Not only do you give him some shit first name,

you give him some shit last name as well. Like you send a kid to school called Josh Smells. Yeah, to toughen him up. Not even that, just because it's funny. Okay, interesting. Yeah. Just toughen him up. Not even that. Just because it's funny. Okay. Interesting. Yeah. Just to see what happens. Right.

So I've given my child a surname that's not my surname. Not your name. It doesn't come from anywhere else. At what point do child services come and look into that? Yeah. How could you defend that? Yeah. If people go, if the teacher goes, oh, is it, who comes with a different last name from

you? Well, I'm- I thought it'd be funny. Separated from my wife. Oh, does she have the last name Smells? No. Okay, why'd you bring that up? I don't know, probably-

Looking for sympathy. I'm probably a bit fucked in the head. Looking for a shoulder to cry on. Sort of a bit of join the dots. I mean, obviously, I got dumped. Yeah. That probably explains why I've named my kid like this, because I'm not right in the head.

Bit of a cunt,'t yeah not really that cool yep a lot of stuff going on there's a raft of issues here please don't take my son he's all i have don't yeah don't teach him too much normal stuff i've got him believing a lot of fucked up stuff at the moment so i've never seen it but the film is the film kramer versus kramer is that like a that's like a family court kind of situation isn't it i believe so so it's like it's just like that but it's like a dramatic yeah court case where you're meant to feel sympathy for this fucking idiot yeah who's given the child a joke name yeah it's like please don't take him away from me i you know i'm the parent i'm meant to be teaching him but he also teaches me a lot about myself as well.

Has anyone done the Kramer versus Kramer and it's just like someone in court for saying the N-word at the comedy factory in LA? Very, very good. The Laugh Factory. The Laugh Factory, sorry. Yeah. And he's up against, I don't know,

his version of himself 20 years later, who's like... Don't mind that. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like present day Michael Richards where the hair isn't, you know, it's shorter. It's not as frizzy with old Cosmo from back in the day. Yeah. Just going, why did you have to do that?

Look at, I mean, I know you're 1997, but this is me here. And I mean, look at my own DB page page there's not a lot on it after seinfeld yeah you've you've really fucked me up yeah yeah god i did that the other day i looked at it the other day because like he's now michael richard's got an instagram page and he's just got one post blocked all the comments and i looked at his own db page he's got like about four things in the last 20 years yeah he's done nothing yeah it hasn't gone away was he doing that much post seinfeld anyway though he i mean he for being like the big like you know this is the guy that everyone loves on the show i mean i guess people love all that you know people love all those

characters yeah but for the guy that people were hooting and hollering when he entered the room, it's so specific, though. Like, what was that ever going to carry over into? Yeah, that was the one where people went, he could easily have his own spinoff show and people would pay attention to it. But then he did. But he did and they didn't. Yeah.

It was just called The Michael Richards Show, wasn't it? Yeah. And he's a detective. Right. Yeah, there's a lot And he's a detective, right? Yeah, there's a lot. He was a detective that did a lot of going in and out of doors very oddly. Because you do see a lot of people, I know David Spade's kind of a good example where he's like the little wise-ass on Just Shoot Me.

And then there's that other show, is it Rules of Engage? He's then been able to kind of do that role again on a couple of other floppy head we sort of sex pest or something yeah because it's like it's still kind of broad enough that he does that really well but it's not like completely specific whereas the problem with michael richards is for him to like capitalize on what people like about that character it just would have to be him literally doing the character yeah and doing all the physical shit and dressing fucked. And the thing you've got to remember is it's like going,

fuck, we love the drummer in that band. He's got to have his own band. You know, he's got to go solo. And then you realise, oh, he's just fucking drumming. You need all the other stuff around him. Right. You need the Jerry, you need the George, you need the Elaine for Kramer to work.

He's not the main guy. Tell you what, when I was younger, it was all about Kramer. But as I've gotten older, it's all George. Yeah. I think the older you get, the more you really start to go, this cunt's worldview is just spot on. George is the, George is one of the great. George is the audience, I think.

George is one of the great characters of TV. Yeah. He'd be top five i mean i can't think of someone better than him at the moment i don't know uh i mean a little guy called niles there's homer simpson there's george costanza i don't know i don't know who else there is and and the great thing is it's like homer simpson is like just the dumb fuck that anything can happen to it's like great that is perfect that's great but it's possibly the easiest thing to do right right George Costanza is not as an

easier as as easier character as Homer well George is that perfect thing where it's like in and it's the same with that's then been carried on with Larry in Curb Your Enthusiasm he like in the world of the show he's a cunt. Yeah. Like, everyone around him is like, this guy is so fucked. But you watching him at home, you're like, yeah, fair enough. Yeah, yeah. I'm with him.

Yeah. The king. Yeah. Thanks, Joshua. Thanks, Josh. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Blake Strevens. Jesus Christ. And I've run the spell check over there.

I'm looking at this right now on the UTA, and there's a big squiggly line under this name. But I've double checked it, and apparently it is correct. Are you sure we haven't read this one before? Because it's hurting my head in a way that feels very familiar. Strevens. I feel like I remember doing a riff about, like, can't learn to spell Stevens. I thought it as well, and I've gone back to check,

and there's no record of it. Okay. So, unless I've spelled it correctly. Auto-correct got to you. Yeah. The little paper clip came up. Yeah. You can't possibly be wanting to talk about this cunt.

Yeah. No, no, I've gone through the records. Because someone did pop up the other day after we did one of these. Maybe last week or the week before. I was like, yeah, second time you've done me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. But, yeah.

Look, you know what? The records have been pretty good for quite a while. We haven't had that happen for a long time. It's just the idea of doing the same riffs or just asking the same questions about it is sort of mortifying i don't know yeah it is an interesting thing to like lay them side by side if we've completely forgotten that we've read out the person is that a good thing or a bad thing though like to to come up with exactly the same riffs and for them to be funny and for us to laugh at each other over three years

apart isn't that sort of good? Is that sort of good? You would hope that there's some better and different angles. Yeah, but that's like, you know, that's like we're saying, like, you know, coming up with a better, oh, well, we came up with George Costanza 20 years ago. You'd think we'd have a better one now. That's true. Sometimes you don't.

But, yeah, I guess if it's the same Dog shit riff Yeah Three years on That's pretty If it's like us going Oh god what do you say about The name Frank Yeah yeah yeah And then it's doing The exact same thing

Three years on That's mortifying It's the one where We're spinning our wheels Yes yes What if just everything It's the one that we just Overlook at that

Someone's called A wanker Yes yes A what a weird name Yeah yeah yeah Exactly exactly Yeah But okay Brett Street Not Blake Blake Yes, yes. Hey, what a weird name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly, exactly. Yeah.

But, okay. Brett Strevens. Not Blake Stevens. It's Blake Strevens. Blake Strevens, as Nick Cody would pronounce it. Yes. Blake Strevens. It just smacks of someone going, is this yours? No.

Well, it says your name on it, Blake Stevens. No, well, my name's Blake Strevens. Oh, is it? Yes, that's right. It's like you've just fucked with your name or fucked with a name for some slight reason to get out of something. See, I don't think you would have come up with that one two years ago. There's a bit more experience underpinning that beautiful take.

Yeah, you're right. I have grown. I have grown as a comedic name riffer over the last two years. It would be incredible someone taking, like we've done a name two years previous and someone like syncs it up and they line up perfectly. You just get the two audio tracks on top of each other. Same cadence and same timing.

I would love it if we'd swap the riffs over. Like we pointed out three years ago, you've gone, oh, that sounds like someone's called Blake Stevens and he's tried to get out of it. And I've laughed and gone, fuck, that's funny. Two years later, I've just had a funny idea. Incredible. Incredible. Yeah.

Well, anyway, I don't know what else there is to say about this cunt. Learn how to spell properly. Fucking sort it out. Go down there. Don't treat your fucking surname like your choices in Scrabble, you fucking idiot. And also, I'd love to know what your ancestors, how they professionally streaved for a living.

I'd love to know what that was. Streaven. Yeah. Even streaven, I don't think I'd mind as much. It's the, like, S on the end. Right. Streaven. There's several streavens.

That really bothers me. Yeah, exactly. There's several streavens. Nah, I reckon there's only one. I don't reckon there's actually that many of them. Yeah. I reckon this is an isolated incident. Hopefully.

Hopefully. Hopefully they breed the Strevens out. And what a shame because Blake is a first name. I love it. Blake's a cool name, dude. Yeah, Blake's fine. But anyway, it's a shame. Our condolences.

Yeah, it's a shame that it's a guy, Blake Strevens. Well, you're either going to have to do that weird thing of take your wife's surname when you get married or just absolutely sterilize yourself and make sure you never have a child to pass this name onto. Oh, yeah, get some radioactive matter and hover it over there. Stick some asbestos down your dick hole. Yeah, get some glow-in-the-dark boxer shorts yeah i've told that on the i think i've told this on the show ages and ages ago but when i was a little kid my uh i think my grandparents for my birthday got me like a glow-in-the-dark pillowcase

and doona set and i had it on my bed for one night and then my dad confiscated it because he was worried about like you know it was kind of like the 5G of its time. Like what's going on with this glow-in-the-dark shit? This radiation shit is going to give you – it's going to cause cancer or something. This is when I'm like, hey, turf's it. And then, you know, two years later the big diagnosis comes down the phone line.

And I'm sure there was maybe a small part in my dad's head where he was like, I fucking knew it, that glow-in-the-dark pillowcase right on the head. Wow, a cancer corner came out from nowhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little bonus, a little sneaky cancer corner. But also, what a great flawed concept. A glow-in-the-dark pillowcase.

I'm trying to fucking get to sleep. We're launching a class action lawsuit against the glow zone. I'm exhausted. I've got cancer. What these cunts did is reprehensible. Well, you know, as a lawyer for the Glow in the Dark bed set company. Glowzone. Glowzone.

I would say, why the fuck did you buy it? It was all on the box. Glow in the Dark bed. What were you thinking? Yeah, it's funny it's funny to look at that and go this is a bad idea because it might cause cancer it's like that's so many steps ahead of the like very very close but i you know i fucking loved it it was so cool you loved one night of it yeah turning the turning the light i think i'd really wanted it but maybe

i'd seen it advertised on tv right so it's like I get it as a birthday present from my grandparents. I'm like, fuck yeah. Turn the lights off. You got this fucking like satin on the, like planets all over the doona cover. Oh, right. It looked awesome. Yeah, yeah.

But, fuck, hard to get to sleep, surely. Hard to get to sleep and then hard to get to sleep years later when I'm in the cancer ward. Prolonging sleep for a very long time. Well, that could be my question this week. Did cancer keep you up at night? It did keep me up at night. Yeah.

The beeping of the machines in Ward 6C. Brutal. It's even got a form of insomnia in it. Wow. It really is a bit of a kind of a disease. Yeah. You said it. Yeah.

I've suddenly wakened up to this yeah not to not to tell tales out of school but cancer's bad um yeah are you okay you seem a bit sleepy this morning yeah i was up all night i think i've got cancer couldn't sleep just thinking about it okay well thanks blake streven Blake Strevens. Thanks, Strevens. Your weirdly constructed name. Anyway. Look, you guys probably won't notice this because it's been edited, but I've been interrupted several times within this episode of Talking Dumb Dumb

because I keep being rung by the NBN installer. because I keep being rung by the NBN installer. I'm finally getting some internet that isn't absolute, complete dog shit, or your mate Pat. Hopefully I haven't forgotten to edit those interludes out, because most people are just listening now going, yeah, yeah, yeah, we know. Yeah, yeah. And yeah, I've had to take a few phone calls,

because they're trying to get in the house of which I'm not in the house at the moment so then I'm trying to ring my wife to go can you let NBN people in

and my internet at the moment is about one fifth as good as your internet so I'm looking forward it was a ninth it was one ninth the day that we'd

both done a speed test yes and also to be completely honest I tried to send a massive file from my house and it came up as like, yeah, you've got two hours to go. And then I came to your house and I sent it in four minutes.

Yep. So. Really, really good stuff. Yep. All right. So we'll do one more. We'll just do one more so you can get home and enjoy that lightning fast internet. That's it.

So one more. How do you, because you watch Netflix and stuff, don't you? Yeah. How do you watch stuff? That's crazy to me that, fast internet. That's it. So one more. How do you, because you watch Netflix and stuff, don't you? Yeah. How do you watch stuff? That's crazy to me that, anyway, whatever. It still works.

The real only problem I really have is if two of us try and use it or if I try and upload or download something. Particularly uploading. It's just insane. Anyway, it all ends today. Hopefully. Hopefully.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber. Oh, okay. Oh, it's just... Right. Okay. Hmm. No, it just makes me... Sort of reminds me of the last name in a little way.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, anyway. It does that to me. Maybe you won't notice. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, anyway. It does that to me. Maybe you won't notice. Maybe I won't notice. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Mr. Cromedy. Okay.

Right. Wow. Cromedy is a very weird name. It is a weird name. Don't you think? Yeah. Yeah. Cromedy.

Hello. I do stand up Cromedy. Strand up Cromedy. I love to perform. I love to perform strand-up cromedy. Perform. Perform. Mister.

And, you know, there's an R in there as well. It should be just M as well. So, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cromedy. Marista Cromedy. Marista Cromedy. Marista.

Marista Cromedy. Marista Cromedy. Marista Cromedy. Marista. Marista Cromedy. Marista. All right. We're done with that one. Thanks, everyone. Thanks for listening. Thanks for supporting the show on Patreon, if that is what you do. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for the new merchandise, links to tickets, past episodes, all that

kind of stuff. Get on the Patreon, patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.