The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 508 - Josh Earl & Ben Russell

Episode Date: June 24, 2020

This week we get extra grotty with JOSH EARL and BEN RUSSELL. We throw out our planned notes for the episode and "go deep" on all manner of bedroom-related things for basically the entire hour. It's a super funny and stupid time so grab your puke bucket and dive in. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Josh Earle and Ben Russell. And we've got to give you a little warning up the top of this. It's pretty raunchy stuff. Yeah, I love how it turned from horny into raunchy just then. Yeah, I was like doing the cogs turning in my head like, which word's most appropriate? This is a bit of a Sunday night movie. It's a bit of an AO. Oh yes. This is a bit of a Sunday night movie.

It's a bit of an AO. Oh, yes. So if you are a little kid, if you're not mature, maybe go to bed instead of listening to this podcast. Mrs Doubtfire was on at 6. That's finished. Now it's 8.30. It's grown-ups time.

Showgirls is on. Exactly. You've seen Uncle Buck. Well, now Sliver is on. So, yeah. Off to Betty Byers, kids. If you're a virgin, you're not allowed to listen yeah so it's it's it's for boys being grotty but being honest having a having a bit of a fun tuesday morning chat it's a sex talk it's primarily where we're learning we're discovering

each other's bodies yeah um there's seriousness in it to a degree but it is primarily about yeah about sexual escapades and the male body yeah yeah us

us us examining the male form yeah us our dumb ass way of figuring stuff out in the world of sex this is like

an audio equivalent of a life drawing class it was just a nude model there we're sitting there with our sketch pads out going, what's this? Yeah. Just add a couple of inches onto that. Doesn't hurt anyone.

Yeah. And like, just imagine that we're very bad at drawing as well. Exactly. So that's what it is. Yeah. All right, guys. Enjoy this episode. So we'll be in at the back end of this episode to chat with you in Talking Dumb Dumb.

But until then, enjoy this episode with Josh Earl and Ben Russell. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow, and with me, as always, is the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day to you, kid. As, of course, people will know, it's after June 22nd.

The gyms are reopened, restaurants and cafes are back on, and podcasting is finally allowed again in the great country of Australia. It's been a long three months, but we are ready to get back to doing what we know and love to do. Just like gyms, we are going to work up a sweat right now. We're going to probably transmit a few things. There's going to be a lot of spit flying. Normally, we have about eight to ten guests on the show each week, but current restrictions we've had to downsize,

and we can only have two at a time. And joining us today, we have Josh Earl and Ben Russell. Hey! Yes! I'm zooming in. Can you hear me? Can you hear me? I can hear you.

You go. You go. No, no, you go. It's fine. It's hear me? Can you hear me? I can hear you. You go. You go. No, no, you go. It's fine. It's fine. What about you, Ben? Are you zooming in? Danger man, Ben Russell.

The guy we've got to keep an eye on in this podcast. I'm here to keep Daniel Andrews honest. He is totalitarianism. It's just like classic sort of socialist. They just want to take power. Are you saying all lives matter? Yeah, actually. I love Dan Andrews.

I want to call him Daddy. I love him. Daddy Andrews. People don't live in Victoria in Australia. He's the Premier of this state and he's doing his best job. Our fearless leader. Exactly. Taking to Facebook last night to just tee off about people getting a COVID test

and then going straight into Chadston Shopping Centre to have a look around Kmart. Good on him. Love doing a bit of topical. Come on. Let's not talk too much about stuff we don't know about. So let's stop talking. All right, anal, that's on the table and that's pretty much it. That's the only topic I have any kind of knowledge in.

What do you know? Going up the poop shoe. What do you know? Feels good. What about to give it? To give it? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Not for me. Not for me, thanks. The male G-spot is up there, you know. Have you touched it yet? No. You haven't. Have you not touched your G-spot? My male G-spot?

No, your female G-spot. Well, I don't know. I might have both up there. Who knows? Tommy has a clitoris My male G-spot Yeah you gotta go in there You milk the prostate

Oh yeah No I've never done it You gotta milk it Have you ever done it I haven't done it But you know what I wouldn't be I wouldn't be

I'm not gonna say no To you If I had to pick I'm lactose intolerant So I'm not milking Let's right you. If I had to pick one now. I'm not looking for tolerance. I'm not looking. Let's right now turn on the video and do an unboxing of the male G-spot for all of us. Hey, guys. Welcome to my male G-spot unboxing.

What's up, guys? What's up, guys? If you like what you see, subscribe. Like and subscribe. That's what you see. Subscribe. Like and subscribe. No, so if I had to pick anyone at this table who had just done a lot of work on the male G-spot,

I'd definitely pick Ben Russell. You definitely have the vibe of someone whose partner has walked in on them like one leg up on the bathroom sink. Really? With a mirror down below. I do think that... Everybody needs it. With a mirror down below. I do think that... Everybody needs to just get a mirror themselves, get a red wine, put on some music,

you know, just have a good time. The tinted glasses is giving you a strong vibe about that inside at the moment. It's bright in here. It's not. You can give it back to the sun as well, though. Like, all right, guys, listen, I don't come to your house. And finger my male G-spot.

It's weird that we're insinuating that you're doing a lot of fingers up the clacker gear on you at the moment where you literally look like Dr. Strange.

What about either of you guys? You ever inspect the male G-spot? I've had it inspected. I don't know about inspecting. Yeah, because you're a 40-year-old man. You've got to get up there and someone's got to look in there. Yeah, was this a transactional?

No, no, this wasn't professional. Oh, this wasn't transactional. Okay. No, no, no. This is... It was more one of those ones where it's like, you're trying something on someone else and they go,

oh, is this fair game, is it? And you go, oh, I didn't think that far. Was this just a soccer game? Was this your last girlfriend, Mrs. Hoppawattay? Dr. Hoppawattay. It's just Hoppawattay in a weak Bugs Bunny style. It was Dr. Hoppawattay

and then me, Mr. Hoppaway. That's terrible. That is terrible. What is this, the footy show? It's like if the footy show wrote... Sorry, your gear about someone sticking fingers up my ass was cool, but my gear about it wasn't good. Yeah, ours was a bit more like Frasier.

Yours was like the footy show wrote a bonbon joke. Mine was more of a, what's his name? Kelsey Grammar anal joke. And yours was a Sam Newman anal joke. Sorry, sorry Brainiac. The fact that you're in blackface does not help. I thought that was you trying to make a pun and that you're in blackface does not help. I thought that was you trying to make a pun and then running out of steam.

Kelsey Grammar anal. Yes. I was like, what's the link that I'm missing here? So your situation, Carl, was... So you're saying you had gone a finger up the dot of the person you were with and they've done a bit of tit for tat. Yes, exactly.

Well, I wish. Shit for shat. An eye for an eye makes the whole world go blind. A brown eye for an eye. In the land of the blind, the one brown eyed man is king. Just a reminder for people at home, you can't cancel us if we have nothing going on.

Some people at home now are going, go back to the Daniel Andrews stat. The topical gear that I had no idea what you were talking about. I'm listening to this in 2022. Yeah. So that's the one and only. And so were you immediately like, were you into this or were you like,

get the hell out of this? No, I just, I'm like, you know what? Equal rights, babe. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so woke of you. I know, it's pretty cool. You cannot be woke unless you have someone to finger your ass. Yeah, well, my bum always definitely woke up.

It was asleep and it was wide awake after that. His eye was open. This is a common mistake that a lot of people make. In some cases, we don't need equality, we need equity. So it's like, you get a finger up your ass, sorry, you put a finger up their ass, but they get to put the whole fist up your ass. Right, right.

Because they're starting off at a bit of a disadvantage, okay? So they need a bit more of a boost up. Well, John Hughes, the filmmaker, did say that every man should get fucked. Oh, really? At least once in his life, just for a change of perspective. Was that in Home Alone? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The Breakfast Club? That's why they call you Kate Colton's face is like that. Tell you what, worth watching the DVD commentary. The things you learn. Hey, good on them for being the wet bandits. It would have been a lot worse if they were the dry bandits going in. Pretty in pink, better in the steel. Not as attractive in the brown.

Alternative title. Oh, yeah. Where did you pick up that John Hughes quote? I don't know. Is that on his gravestone? He's not dead yet. He is dead. No, he's not.

Is he? He died. He died. That's not bad, though. Like, having an outrageous quote. Before you're dead, you've bought your plot and you've got the gravestone there ready to go with just some obscene quote on it

next to just a big hole in the ground ready for you. Yeah. Up the bum, no babies. And then just a big... Well, he was a very interesting guy. I think I read, like, a couple of articles and that's what he was a very interesting guy. I think I read like a couple of articles and that's what he mentioned that

just casually. He reckons everyone should be getting fucked in the ass. He reckoned every dude should get fucked in the ass just for a change in perspective.

Yeah, just that was Ferris Bueller's day off. Ferris Bueller's day off being in a vagina just copping it in the bum. Revving the car and then the block

comes out and it just goes straight up a male ass. Yeah, sending that parade the wrong way. Oh yeah. Bum, bum.

Chicanos. Chicanos. All right, well, should we just call it there? It's a nice little 10 minute episode what i'm worried about is generally in comedy you have to keep amping it up to keep alive you know it's like you know it's like the bus in speed you've got to keep it at a certain certain level to keep it going yeah you gotta keep the anal references up to four a minute or this whole thing blows up what

about you josh my comedy festival show will navigate into our relationship with our dads in about 40 minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's more, my experience was more of a thing of like, I just didn't think that far.

It was like, finger in and then it's like, oh, now I've got it in me. Oh, I guess I asked for it. I guess that, I opened the gate to this game and now I've got to fucking cop it. All right, fair enough.

And so from then on, was it you, you never went up there again with the partner because you knew what was coming? No. I think it happened again.

Okay. Yeah. And same deal? She's like, cool. I think it happened where it was like, more than once,

more than one person. Yeah. And so, it was, yeah, I don't want all right for myself. But it was... I didn't realise we had a real swordsman in the room.

Turning that into a brag is a real work of art. You do work in comedy, don't you? Yeah. You do work in comedy, don't you? Just a reminder out there, just if you could just keep this away from my wife. Oh, my wife. Podcast dobbers.

Yeah, they love it. Scourge on during COVID times. They've been in some red hot form lately as well. Real shout out to the cowards out there. I mean, look, yeah, dobbing on you about the poo jogging story is one thing, but I can't, I mean,

it's like the person who goes to your wife and goes, guess what I heard on the podcast? Carl's had anal in the past. It's like, that just makes you

look fucked. You're not getting any points for that from her. It wouldn't feel good to say to the person. Oh, but it's just that's much different

from what's been happening lately. Like the poo jogging story is like, I've gone up to my wife and gone, oh, I heard your husband did a poo on the person. Oh, but it's just that's much different from what's been happening lately. Like the poo jogging story. It's like, I've gone up to my wife and gone, Oh, I heard your husband did a poo on the ground. Oh, high five. Cool.

Thanks for coming to me with this. Yeah. Yeah. What was her response when she heard about that? I don't know. I haven't talked about that on the pod, I don't think. But yeah, some dobbers out there. Some dobbers out there. They're doing some regular work out there.

Some fucking snitches. Yeah, exactly. Let's try and like, we should like bed a couple of lies into this podcast. So things that we want out there about ourselves, knowing that the little dobbers out there are going to... The little dob-dob club out there. Was it Wayne Rooney's wife

who set up that private Instagram page just to like feed out the dobbers? Yeah, that's exactly right. We'll just release this pod individually to all your listeners. Just go, oh, you get it, and just see if they dob. What's the story? Wayne Rooney, soccer player Wayne Rooney,

his partner, his wife, did a private Instagram account and just put all this bullshit stuff out for months and months. Because stories about her were being leaked to the press. Okay. And so she deliberately put all these different lies out

and whatever and they'd get leaked. And one by one, she would delete, she would block her friends until there was only one friend left and it was soccer player, what's his name, Vardy, Jamie Vardy's wife left. There was only one follower left and she just put this thing out going,

I fucked a Yeti. And then all of a sudden, the Daily Mail goes, oh, Rudy's Mrs. Fucked a Yeti. And he's like, bazinga, I gotcha. Fuck, that's amazing. It is amazing. Yeah, I'm more into the wags than the actual football players. That's why I knew that story, yeah.

Yeah, maybe we should start doing that. So we have a private account where we put up fake podcasts. I don't quite get how we're meant to make this work. Seems like a lot of effort. Way more work than we're doing currently. Just to expose one or two people that we don't quite get how we're meant to make this work Seems like a lot of effort Way more work than we're doing currently Just to expose one or two people that we don't even really know That are repeating things that we've said in a public forum It sort of makes us look a bit deranged that we're chasing this up

But Josh, the people need to know The people need to know Have I experience with anal play? Yeah Yes Nice So I've been married for too long, so it's boring to talk about. Too long.

Not too long, but like... Something to give back to the wife? Anal play is a chore now. So it's like that thing of like, no one wants to hear about married men talking about their sex life. The laundry, the anal. But you know, like, so my wife has toys. And I thought, oh, let's go and see What's out there for guys I didn't want

Like a pocket pussy Or one of those things But just so fucking dumb Looking like Yeah there's Yeah I think A pocket pussy is good A good idea

You're like Oh yeah A pussy that I can travel around I can take it with Yeah It sounds like It kind of sounds like

I'm into it Because it sounds like A video game console The Nintendo pocket pussy into it because it sounds like a video game console. The Nintendo Pocket Pussy. Yeah, like a Cronenberg video game. You'd be into that, the Nintendo Slit.

But then the reality... Hey, if you get Zelda on it, I'm fine with that. The reality is that after you use this pussy, you have to just sit there and rinse it out.

Rinse it out, yeah. You can't put it back in the pocket. And then afterwards you have to just sit there and rinse it out. Rinse it out, yeah. You can't put it back in the pocket. And then afterwards you have to kill yourself. Clean up with a sock. That is a funny switch on the old thing of someone with a heart on. Is that something in your pocket or are you happy to see me?

Is that a pussy in your pocket? It's a prosthetic vagina. Is that a pussy in your pocket or am I happy to see you? I've been around women having a conversation about how they were on holiday together and one of them used the other one's vibrator. Like, oh yeah, you were out and it was just lying around. It was just lying around. I cleaned it afterwards.

But even still, I find that insane. Yeah. The idea of using someone else's intimate sex toy, no matter how clean you think it is and how much

you're going to clean it afterwards. To me, that just seems awful. Was that popped by the other person? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were just talking about it like, oh yeah, cool.

The other person said it sort of, semi-cheapishly but not in a way that they, they didn't clearly feel like they had done something too heinous. I mean, as long as you clean it.

I mean, how oily are you? I've never thought of what comes out down there from a girl as oil. Oil. Someone gets really excited. Oh, fucking Exxon over here. Real oily. Are you really oily tonight, honey?

Boy, I can't wait for a bit of relief at the Bowser. Is that back you with the Nintendo Slit again? It sure is. Place a butcher's paper down. her down. But the idea of, it's funny because like, you know, women, you know,

I think most women own a sex toy and they'll be pretty open about it and it's like not a big deal. The idea of like us fellas all just

sitting around talking about our fleshlights and pocketbooks is just like us, like me going to you like, Carl, when we were in Montreal, I hope

you don't mind, you left your Nintendo slip lying around. You were down at the bar. I was feeling a bit lonely. I washed it. I rinsed my cum out after I was done with it. It did not feel good. I pulled out.

I pulled out. Don't worry. It won't get pregnant. On the flip side, which is what I was getting to, it's like a thing of like, you know, you're with someone and they go, oh, do you mind if I use my toilet? It's like, as a dude, that's like, go for it. That's fucking hot. That's so great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I with someone and they go, oh, do you mind if I use my toilet? It's like, as a dude, that's like, go for it. That's fucking hot.

That's so great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I couldn't say to someone, oh, do you mind if I get my fleshlight out? Just jacking it while you're lying next to me. Just read to me. Just read this nice book to me and I'll use the fleshlight. So I didn't buy that, but I did buy this little anal probe thing that's like two inches long and just vibrates.

And I've used it twice. It was like, not for me. I thought I'd like it. I don't mind it. What do you want for it? I'd be keen to give it a try. Is the problem that it was only two inches? Do you need just a Well

Probably a 14 inch or something To satisfy your cavernous arsehole And all the little Thai soccer players in there Two inches, that's huge This might What? I honestly thought it might hurt And it's like

It went in super easily Right Okay mate, we get it Another brag Pretty listeners out there you're experienced if you have a two inch joe this guy's your man

I was with that thing of like a girl asking like oh do you mind if I use a sex toy I was with a girl once and I was like pretty drunk and we were fucking and she said, she said that, she's like,

oh, do you mind if I use a sex toy? And I was thinking about it the next day and just like cringe because I was so drunk and she said, do you mind if I use my vibrator?

And I went, go for it, dude. Oh my God. Jesus Christ, dude. That's the worst thing on this podcast yet, on this episode. That's the worst thing so far. You know what? Don't worry about it.

I've just come. I don't need this toy anymore. No, then she comes and goes, cowabunga! Yeah, good thing it was me from behind, so she couldn't see the sharkers that I was pulling. That's what I was doing. Go for it, dude. I remember when we very first started out comedy, Tommy,

there was a story going around of a friend of ours, a comedian of ours, who apparently... A comedian of ours. You and Tommy adopted. We created him in an incubator. A friend of ours who picked up another friend of ours' cousin or something like that, and she went out in the morning to get cigarettes.

Oh, hell yeah. This is the best. This is the best. And when she came back, he was in her bed masturbating. Yeah. And she said, are you wanking in my bed? And he went, yeah, man. No, I think it was as she went down on him.

And she was like, can you let me know when you're about to come? And he goes, yeah, man. I think I've heard both versions. Yeah, right. But what you were saying, not to you, when you whacked the old... The toy, yes. The toy up.

My experience was every time that would happen and I would have a finger in there and then I would cop it back and you just got to cop it and go, oh, okay, fair enough. But then the other people would invariably orgasm at some stage, partially. Check this guy out. What's it like? The way that you're talking is getting me hard. You'll hear this and other stories in my masterclass.

On anal. Let's all quit comedy and start running a sex workshop together. Shut up, it's how I does comedy. I do anal. See, the last time I was on this podcast, Yumi Steins was the guest. We were talking very respectful about sex. We were learning. Yeah, we were learning.

We're all keeping very harsh about these stories to her. Oh, look, there's no way I would have busted out Go For It, Dude before that chat with Yumi. Yeah, man. So the girls would invariably orgasm at some stage. Partially. Invariably. Partially. There's no variables here.

They always orgasm. Well, it's Professor Orgasm. Guys, if you want me to try it out on you, you will see why they invariably did do it. Guys, all get up on the table now.

Bend over. Boy, you must have hit their male G-spot pretty hard. I'm invariably about to cum Oh dude I'm going for it dude Oh gnarly

So then They would do that And then I'd have the Finger up the coit And just be doing it Be going as long as I could And just have to At some stage Sort of like go, I'm out. I'm sorry.

I just can't do it with the fingers up there. I'm sorry. You're just going to have to pull out before. I cannot achieve orgasm while I've got half of your hand up there. I'm sorry. Take the plug out. So not for you. Not for you.

I tried, but not for me. Wow. I think that story could be you're on the net. Follow-up, Doug in his ass. See, I've had the opposite experience. I mean, as discussed on this podcast, I wouldn't mind a bit more. Oh, you still haven't?

But I feel like I've had... You did say weeks and weeks and weeks And episodes ago That you were going to Aim to get pegged But you haven't had it It wasn't But then quarantine came in

And hygiene's gotta be At the utmost And he couldn't find A dildo that was like You know Six and a half feet Or whatever it was Yeah I didn't want to

Break the I didn't want to Break the limit Of gatherings inside My anus Yeah Yeah it was How many people the limit of gatherings inside my anus. Yeah, it was... How many people are you counting that's inside your anus? Like a dildo?

A couple of bits of poo? I'm just trying to make sense of what you said. Now I've lost my erection. It's not something you throw out thinking there's going to be a heavy gun of logic applied to it. Didn't think it'd be coming under the microscope. No, let's unpack this.

Yeah, let's assess the facts of every little thing that gets said in the middle of a riff. It has to hold up to intense scrutiny or it's not comedy. I can't laugh at science fiction. I need to... I want something real in my comedy. science fiction. I need to... I want something real in my comedy.

Yeah, there was chatter for a little while that I was pretty... I was just interested in trying it out. You were gagging

for it. Interested in trying out pegging. Look, I don't think that it's going to happen. My girlfriend has called my bluff a

couple of times and gone, I don't think you're up to it. I don't think you... You're not man enough. Well, her point is... You ever look at a man's eyes? think I don't think you're up to it I don't think you I don't think you man enough well her point is I've had I've had like a degree of light finger work in the past but her point is to go from zero to 100. A degree of light. Is this one of the ones that has been like to get in

is 110% more expensive now? What did she play? Classical Gas. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. I get it. A little finger work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is this, that sounds like a desperate like attempt

to get like a gay porn into the art house section of the video shop. A degree of light finger work. Yeah, it's the title of my memoir that Oprah will feature on her book club. And then I get in trouble because I fabricated the whole thing. It's you getting fucked up the ass but directed by Jim Jarmusch or something like that. Yes, yes. Well, yeah, her point is I would be going from basically zero to 100.

Right. Because a peg, I think in my head when I'm imagining the scenario, I'm severely underestimating the size of a peg. And this is the confusing thing, I think, with the word peg because you think of peg, of course, on the clothesline. How does peg get used in a dick-shaped object going up your butt?

I want to suck off a heel's hoist. Right. I want to get the little crank and just slob it off. Sit on the top of it and then wind the rotary thing until it all goes up your ass. It's a real grower, not a shower. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got to work up. You start with a plug.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Finally, I had a good mate who had two inches at home. Yeah, yeah. and a plug yeah yeah that's what my that's what my girlfriend has been recommending that we would need to we would need to

ease into it and she's because a couple of times she has just gone she's called my bluff she's just gone alright let's go oh really

whip it out let's go I always think though in that situation it's too funny an image of your partner Wearing the strap on That is just funny That's a bit of her concern as well Yeah, that I would be

Because then they're going to be embarrassed Of what they're wearing Oh look, do I look silly? Do I read my husband or partner? If you laugh you could kill her boner Husband or partner. If you laugh, you could kill her, burn her. Because, yeah, she's like, I'd put it on and you'd laugh at me.

And I'm like, of course I'd laugh at you. And she's like, well, that's no good. You can't do that. You can't. I'm like, but it's funny. It doesn't mean that I wouldn't also be able to find it sexual. But just the image of a person turning around. But I also think you have to acknowledge that sometimes it's ridiculous or it's funny or a silly thing is happening.

Yeah, I think it's healthy to laugh during sex at times because sometimes, I mean, sex, we joke about it, so of course it's going to be funny. Like fanny farts instead of being like embarrassed just share a laugh and relax because fanny farts

it's a victimless crime so you know what I mean there's no you don't need to be embarrassed by a farting fanny because A

it's funny and B it doesn't smell there's nothing and C you had a hand in the reason why I remember the first time

I experienced that, I was with my first serious girlfriend. You were by yourself. I was, yeah, my pocket pussy just started rippling. I was like, I cannot feed curry to this pocket pussy again. My girlfriend at the time had just gotten back from a trip and I picked her up from the airport and then we were back at hers having sex and then she starts fanny farting.

And I'm just laughing so much. Oh, really? It's so funny. And she gets really embarrassed and she's like, it's from the plane. It's the pressure from the airplane. It's like her ear unblocking. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Her vagina unblocking. But as if she needed an excuse or something, as if I was going to go, what the hell? Who caused this to happen? I am outraged. It's fine. It's funny.

That is a difficult thing to do, to laugh during sex, though, because I feel like that's a reallocation of vital blood that you need downstairs. I don't know. How much blood needs to transfer upstairs to laugh? I feel like it's distracting the blood. I don't know. How much blood needs to transfer upstairs to laugh? I feel like it's distracting the blood. I don't know, man.

You must have a huge hog. Very bad. Like blood flow. Circulation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Carl with just this huge pumped up hog and then the rest of him is just frail and shriveled white. Like one of those bags that you vacuum to like seal stuff And store it in your cupboard Carl fucked with his feet

In one of those like Vibrating things So your blood Flows around So you don't get Deep vein thrombosis I can feel Can I get my vibrator out

You wear It's for my feet I have sex Go for it dude I faint during sex But I keep going I once Had a wank in the shower

And fainted As I came Really Yeah came to Yeah Like just go Because I I had Pickedank in the shower and fainted as I came. Really? Yeah, came to. Yeah. Like, just go, oh, because I'd picked up. You were strangling yourself at the time. No.

It was one of those shower heads that you pull off and just wrap it around your neck. Yeah, yeah. It was the first. It's actually the doorknob. Just got the stereo cranking. Down, down, down. Dun-a-la-na-na-na-na-na.

So it was the first time I picked up after I'd just been dumped. She was out of blood. In a four and a half year relationship, it was the first time I went out and picked up. But the girl I was with, we got naked but didn't have sex. And then she left and then I went and had a shower and I was like, I've got to crank one out. And then woke up.

So I didn't sleep that night and then was drunk and then woke up, passed out in the shower. Like, I don't know how long I'd been there, but the water was cold, and just got, oh, this is not good. Wow. I've got to reassess my life choices. I reckon every time I've had sex in the shower, it's ended with me almost passing out.

Sex in the shower sucks. Like, I've kind of got high blood pressure, which I'm sure probably plays a factor, and then, like, the heat and the steam and stuff, it always ends with me having to go can we can we get out of here

so I can sit down because I'm down to fucking collapse let's get dry so we can get wet yeah yeah man

I was always I was always thinking baths or showers would be a great place for sex as a kid or whatever teenager as a kid as a child

as a small child as a child I was like I want to fucking hear that's bathing me and I'm like I can't wait till this thing works

the scene from Wild Things where they have sex in the pool from that moment on pool sex seems great yeah and then you get to it

but it's not it's not it's not fun ocean sex all of it it's just like it's such a nice idea, especially when you're like, you're with your partner

and you're like having a day at the beach and maybe you're in the water and you can noodle. It's like, but then the second it starts happening, it's like, this actually is no good. It's a good precursor to it. Yes. I think in the fooling around in the shower and then it's like, cool, now let's get out, get dried,

put our clothes on and then take them off again and then get's like cool now let's get out get dried put our clothes on and then take them off again and then get in bed yeah yeah I mean often if you're doing it in a body of water

like the ocean it's like you've gotten turned on and it's just like well you're just dealing with what you have because you don't have that option of like

hey let's get in the car and drive half an hour back to the Airbnb and do it in there it's like alright I guess I'll get fucking get a little crab

up my cock. Why do you have an Airbnb? Half hour away from the beach. Get closer. Yeah, good point. All right, now I'm getting turned on. You're doing well. This is your fantasy.

Get a house that's closer to the beach. Own the house. I'm saving money in my house. Back yourself. You can afford a better house than your fantasy. All right, we've got to drive back to the tent. We've got to make sure no one's around. We'll catch an Uber back to the tent.

You don't even have to fuck a seven in your fantasy. Think of Samantha Fox. My one-inch dick keeps slipping out. Samantha Fox? What is this? We can't talk about Daniel Andrews, but Samantha Fox is sort of there. What the fuck?

Who is that? A pin-up girl from the 80s. Yeah. A page three girl from the 80s. That's an insane reference. And there was one. We had on our Amiga 500 computer, Samantha Fox strip poker was a game you could get.

Really? Yeah, and some pixelated tits. And we had it at seven or eight. We would play it. That is an amazing thing for anyone of a certain age now to look back. Not even that far back, but like English newspapers, like credible newspapers, or in their heads, I guess, credible newspapers. And you go, oh, fuck, what's happening in the world today?

And it's on the front page. And then you open up to page three. It's like, oh, there's a naked woman. There's a topless woman. Every day. Like that was people's way of communicating with the outside world, finding out what's going on in the outside world,

and it's a pair of boobs on page three every day. Amazing. Good way to start the day. Amazing. Bring it back. Bring the MX back. Speaking of local references. Yeah, yeah.

MX is the free paper on the train, the public transport. That's been out of print for ages? About five years. I had material about it and it had to go. Really? You're still doing it? No.

Who remembers the MX? People have got that around the world. Still have they? England still has it. The free paper at the train station. Yeah, I think Chicago has the red dot. Sorry. Speaking of red dots,

let's go back to the brown dot. Yeah, exactly. Reminds me of something Going wrong earlier In the podcast Yeah so the pegging People keep asking me People keep tweeting me You're not going ahead

You're cancelling the pegging I don't know I mean I don't want I don't want people To get their hopes up I mean look Maybe in the future Look I'll let you

If there's an update Yeah I'll let you know Literally Yeah But Don't get your hopes up because I don't know. Once I start to think of the reality of it,

I'm like, I don't know that I can handle this. This is the point where we should have a PO box so that people can send in things that would be a good... Toys. Yeah, a good warm-up for you to get into pegging. Yeah, that's a good idea. A PU box. I love the idea of me just going down to the post office

with my little key, turning it, this door opening up and just all these fucking dildos and butt plugs and beads just tumbling out. But also next live show, someone just leaves it on the stage before you come out. Like how people used to leave cake for Ross Noble. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

And especially with the podcast, because it's not like radio where if you have a PO box for radio, it's like, oh, you talk about this today, that's what you're going to get. People are still finding these podcasts and listening to episode 54 and going, oh, you referenced fucking cheesecake. And then so you go to the mailbox today and there's like five dildos and a couple of things from the cheesecake factory. And you go, what's going on here?

Just literally anything we've talked about in the last decade could just show up. Show up in a P.O. box. Yeah. That's kind of nice, actually. We should get a P.O. box. Yeah. We've got to get one to just experiment for like a month or so.

I think we talked about it, and we were like, actually, this is a good idea. And then a few people sent us things that, I think a friend of the show, Andy Lee, has basically done a very similar thing. Just got a P.O. box and then advertises the P.O. box and goes, anything you want to send to me for free, I'll cop it. So I think ours would, the problem is he's done it first.

He's had the idea first, so he claims the idea. By rights, we should have it because he's a billionaire and he's just getting free stuff. That's not particularly funny. Us getting free stuff is funny. And it's also a bit rich to go, someone has had the idea of getting mail in the past. So you guys are ripping, if you get a PO box

and have fans wanting to give you stuff, you're ripping this guy off. Andy Lee calls you up, I hear you've been stealing my post box idea. First of all, you're two white guys doing broadcasting, so you're already on shaky terrain. Yeah, but we had the idea of doing it unsuccessfully, so...

He takes you to court, you have to give up all your dildos in the court. Yeah, he wants 30% of our dildos. Yeah, it's like the miracle on 34th Street thing. There's someone marching in with, like, bags upon bags, filled with sex toys as Exhibit A. Maybe we should do it, maybe we should do it, but the only...

I'm thinking, okay, I live close to the Hawthorne post office. We could do it in Hawthorne. But then maybe we should get in a suburb if we can definitely get post box 69. Oh yeah, okay. Yeah. I'll go check at my local.

Maybe we should do a ring around and just see who's got it available. What's the significance with 69? One before 70, which is pretty funny. A guy leaning backwards over an egg, that's a classic

sex position. It is very off-brand for what we've been talking about for the last 30 minutes. The 69 doesn't really... Yeah, 66 it, baby! I mean, I guess you can...

Yeah, you can get a bit of... If you're keen enough, you can get a bit of rimming going on in a 69. Fuck, that's... That's some stretching, haven't you? No, it just depends how short they are or tall you are. Are you rimming yourself in that position?

I reckon like 99% of the rimming I've done has been 69 based. Well, that's another one that I couldn't do without laughing. If you're ever in that position, this is funny. No, like 69ing, it's just a funny thing. If you're in that position, this is funny. No, like 60-90. It's just a funny thing. If you're in that position, come on, what are we doing? The actual act of assuming the position

where someone has to do a fucking crab walk over the top of you. I usually just crab walk during sex. When I get naked, the crab's all you get. If you finish having sex and you start walking sideways, you know that it's been good.

Yeah, exactly. Good rule for life, yeah. Fuck me so good I was walking sideways. Burying my babies in the sand, that's how good it was. Yeah, as Ariana Grande once sang. I love that song. That song. What song?

Side to Side. You know that song? Mate. It's like Ask to Ask, but Side to Side. If you ask me about a Bon Jovi song, maybe. I reckon you'd know it if you heard it. You are such a dude. No, my generational thing.

Okay. Yeah. It's pretty big. I reckon you'd know it if you heard it. It's Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj. Right. And you'll often hear it in the supermarket. And it's funny because the song lyrically is about side to side.

It's about getting dicked so hard that you can't walk properly. Oh, really? Yeah. And you just hear it in the... I might get into the youth of today's music. You just hear it in the toy section of Kmart. Turn up Triple J right now. I'm back, baby.

Yeah, all the songs are about eating ass. All the songs today are about eating ass. I'm not watching it. See, eating ass is, I would say, that's out of my... Jurisdiction? Out of my hitting zone. A criminal goes off and wrongs you

and then eats ass and you're like, I can't. It's out of my jurisdiction. You've got to hand him over to another department. What have you got for us, the protocols of eating arse then? So this is the thing I would worry about, is that doing that, I would imagine that there'd have to be several stages, several times it would come up where you've been doing that

and then you come up and you go for the kiss and it's like, no thank you. Does that come up? you go for the kiss and it's like no thank you does that come up is that a problem i think the philosophy behind it is that you wash yeah but even if you for sure but even if you've washed does that is that still a i have to say the times i've done it it's been a very like me and the person very very drunken. Right. So it's a heat of the moment. So it's not like a planned thing. There's not a lot of like really thinking about the hygiene's gone out the window. Like, look, this is all pre-COVID times. Yeah.

I'm happy to go on record and say that I haven't eaten ass since COVID-19. And it's good if you're drunk. Just so you know, like how you go off and get a big greasy burger. Just demolish a good burger. Oh, that's a spicy meatball. That's as opposed to when he has sex, when he goes and demolishes a big oily burger. A big oily burger. Yeah, he just gets stuck into a big old HSP after a big night.

old HSP after a big night. So you're saying that there has been there has been mouth to ass then mouth to mouth contact. There would have been a bit of cross-contamination in the past, yeah. I'm sure with the way I've done it. With the way you've done it. Classic Daslo stuff. But I believe, like, the pros the way the pros do it

is that they would use the douches Right. And use that on the mouth afterwards as well. The way the pros do it Is that they would Do They'd use these The douches Right Before And use it on the mouth Afterwards as well I might get lucky

Yeah, Listerine it up Right, right I'll Go in the shower And let the water run clear Yeah, so to speak Listerine after Not before

Right Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah Well, I mean Maybe some people like that Sensation Yeah But, yeah I mean maybe some people Like that sensation Yeah But yeah I mean I've never

And the same with like The actual cleanliness down there It's always been Enough of a spur of the moment Drunken thing That I've not been of The right state of mind To be like

Hey when was the last time You showered Are we But I've also never had any I've never had any I've never been In the middle of doing it And thought

This is a bit funky. You have had a couple of cases of pink eye, though. You've got two right now. Is there a more embarrassing thing to get than pink eye? No. It just means you fuck. So if you see someone with pink eye, you do a high five. That guy fucks.

Yeah, yeah. That guy gets in it. That's good. A guy and a girl walking down the street. The girl's pregnant and the guy someone with pink eye, you do a high five straight away. That guy fucks. Yeah, yeah. That guy gets in it. That's good. A guy and a girl walking down the street, the girl's pregnant and the guy's got pink eye and you're like, oh, hell yeah. He didn't even know the term pink eye. He was like, well, that guy that's a stud. The technical term, stud. You high five anyone with pink eye, which is why you constantly have pink eye.

Oh, having cool cunt disease? Fuck yeah. Constantly. Oh, having cool cunt disease. So you, so you're, I mean, it's interesting. I find it interesting, Carl. You're at a stage of life where things like that, like eating ass that you've not tried.

Off the table. It's off the table forever. Gone. I need, the closest I get is asking you. You're my, you're my glimpse into, you're my doorway into that world. Yeah. Well, yeah. Any other questions?

What's it like? I love it. Yeah. I'm big into it. Right. Big into giving or receiving. Probably more into giving. Right.

Yeah. That's so generous. Hell yeah, man. Yeah. It is a very funny thing that it's now like a fashion. Would you say it's like a fashion? Like a thing where people have gone, no, it's like, you know, it's the 10s, I guess,

whatever it is now. It's the 20s now. Yeah, it's the 20s now. Yeah, it's eating ass. It's like, is that a new idea? That's just a... I'm going to know what's hot and what's not. This season, eating ass.

Yeah, not to try and be this guy, What's hot and what's not. This season, eating ass. Yeah, not to try and be this guy, but it coming into popular culture, I did have a bit of like, these Johnny come lately. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. I was hitting ass before it was cool.

I was, yeah. You didn't just start doing it once you saw it trending on Twitter. You were before it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got all the early albums, the EPs. I used to go see him at the Tote for 20 people. He used to eat ass to just 20 people. You're really into the B-sides, back sides.

Got all the seven inches. You listen on all the streaming services. Yeah, yeah. That's a frontier that I haven't crossed that I'd be interested in as well. Right. Yeah. Streaming.

Yeah. No. Say too much. What do you mean streaming? Bit of golden work. Yeah, no. Too much work afterwards. Got to clean up.

Got to put a tarp down. Yeah. Not into it. Get the butchers back. No, I don't really like piss. Wow. That's brave. I'm so sorry.

I'm going to get cancelled for this. Ben Russell said in a podcast that he did not like piss. That is... I cannot believe it. Good luck with the piss industry going after you. I'm fucked now. I'm going to get cancelled.

Ben Russell says he doesn't have yellow fever. Wow, you are cancelled. What if like five minutes after putting this episode up, I'm just like, something clicks in my brain where I'm like, I'm quitting comedy and working at a bank. And then this is like the last thing I've recorded that's just out there haunting me for the rest of my life. See, I'm doing kid shows in October.

This will be good. Well, you think the kids are going to be listening to this and then come along, five-year-olds going, I brought my toys along, Josh. Can you stick some Lego up your eyes for us, Josh? Timestamp this bit, Tom. He's gonzo. Fully gonzo. Also, I love the fact we're doing this at like 11 o'clock in the morning. Yeah. It's great. It's azo. Fully gonzo.

It's also, I love the fact we're doing this at like 11 o'clock in the morning. Yeah. It's great. It's a nice little wake up to the day. Is this the first complete sex episode we've ever done? I think the people, the people want it. It's very buzzy pozzy. Yeah.

You know what I mean? So buzzy pozzy. I'm just now realising that, again, as always is the case with any kind of topic on the pod, the inbox is going to just lie. People sharing tips. It'll be the pissing thing. The thing that I've said I haven't done that I'd be interested in doing. I'm now going to get tips and tricks for golden showers.

What's the thing where if I talk about chocolate mousse on the pod, there's only 15% of people that relate to it or whatever. But you talk about sex and, well, actually, with our listeners, maybe 40% are people that relate to it or whatever. But you talk about sex and, well, actually with our listeners, maybe 40% are going to relate to it. Well, I'm now worried about that PO box where I'm opening it out and piss is just streaming out like the elevator doors of The Shining. Someone's pissing in a post box and going, it'll work its way to the Dun Dun Club.

But just go back. Say your partner, all right, I want to do some water play. How much water are they drinking that day then? Going, because they want to, they don't want a big old brown stream.

I want, you're right, you're right. I don't want it too, that's the, yeah. You know when you, here,

you'd wake up and your dad had had a big night out and you'd see this like foamed piece in the toilet. Yes, yes, exactly. But that's just,

I think like the base of a waterfall. Yeah, exactly. But that's just, I think like the base of a waterfall. Yeah. Like Pashiona with a foam on it. Like dead tadpoles in there. But you've talked about, have you mentioned that

on the show before? There's a friend of yours that we talked about doing water play. He'd done water play with his partner. Yeah, when you say, you're about to say

we talked about doing it with him. No, no, sorry. We him as if we had proposed to him hey why don't you piss on us tell me like a little little boy in a fountain just pissing yeah but that's see that's the logical thing and that's how they do it in in porn as well you know you just got to fill up with water during the day for a full day before uh doing any of that stuff but your mate did it in the morning after a big night out or something. Or in the middle of the night. But it was, yeah, it was coming home from a big night.

Well, it's that thing, how many beers in and then... You've broken the still anyway, like, hey, let's do this. You've just got black water coming in. It's no good. But that is how... Brings us back to an oily piss.

But that's, again, that's... To be honest, that's how I would want to do it. Both drunk, coming home from... Again, not thinking about... I know that in terms of the purity of the strength, because that's the irony of it being called a golden shower, is like, you actually don't want

it too golden, health-wise. I'm sure that there are people that want it golden. Yeah, true. If you think about it, if you can imagine it, people out there want it. Yeah, yeah, everyone wants something. I just have to make sure that my partner's on the whites that night, on the white wines. Right.

But that would be part of it, like coming home very drunk and that sense of like, fuck, can you believe we're doing this? This is wild. We're planning it out and we're doing it like completely sober, not into, but as a spontaneous like, fuck, let's just go for it. This will be wild. It's also where you'd want to start in the shower as well, though. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Let's do this in the shower. I can wash it off straight away if I'm not into it. I don't want it planted. I'm into it as like it just flows on, pardon the pun, from something else. Yeah, and then you can have a go and fill her up. Oh, God. So what if you know like when guys like their girls to be really big and they become fetus?

You know when guys get girls a lot of food because they're fetus? Yeah, or I'll get two boosts on the way. I'll get the chalky milk. Yeah, when guys want their girls To be bigger And they become fetish They force them to Eat a lot of stuff

What if you find out Your girlfriend's like A secret Pisser Or whatever you call this Where you just notice That she's been Feeding you like

Good liquids all night Or whatever And you go Oh fuck She wants you to piss on her She really wants me She's really worried About my hydration

Yeah She kept She shouted me A lot of rounds Yeah there was shouted me a lot of rounds. I got a lot of Evian's last night. I'm asking for beer and she's just getting me vodka sodas. I'm like, alright, alright. Message received loud and clear.

She's making sure I'm always the designated driver and pumping me the waters. To be honest, I've never really contemplated that angle of it. The purity of the stream. Well, it is sanitized, so piss is sanitary. Right, okay. At the start, I mean, leave it in a jar. Yeah. Once it hits the air, though.

That's a bizarre way of, if you're into water play, it's like, let's do it now, but let's let it sit for a bit. And then we'll drink it out of a jar. I'm not 100% sure if it's going to feel good to do it together. So you piss into this jar, then you go home. I'll sit in the tub and just kind of cover myself in that. See, if I like that, then next time you're around, we can do it for real together. As someone that does not like piss,

I am absolutely hating this conversation. You do it and then you go, oh, we've got leftovers. Let's put this in the Tupperware and we can do it tomorrow night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Better to have it and not need it. Should we put a real big disclaimer at the top of this episode or what? I think we should. Hey, man, it's just, you know, it's just honest stuff.

Yeah, it's buddy positivity, man. Make sure you don't jack off beforehand because you're going to want to during this. What if this is like the Mooney Fiona thing where the first time we do it, we're like, can we even put this out? We put a disclaimer. And then it just goes huge.

And then there's just constant calls. Do another Russell and Earl episode. Get the piss boys back on. The pistas. Then all of a sudden we're in a theatre just with you guys doing the sex ed talk to a thousand people. I don't mind it at all. I don't mind it at all.

Ironically then causing everyone else to think of suicide. We come out just jars of piss as gifts on the table. The sample boys. Is that every fetish under the sun? Is that every orifice? Is that every liquid? I think that's every orifice at the moment. I brought a lot of content to talk about today

and we've touched none of it because as soon as we started doing this, I'm like, we can't go back. Yeah, I've got a couple of nuggets but it feels strange to take a year to do. I had some funny little stories about my mum that I wasn't going to then follow up with after this talk. I had just had anal play planned.

None of us truly know where to go. I got a little nugget. We'll clean it out. Yeah, you should have done the douching. Yeah, you've got to douche that out, man. Because you're at the age, do you need to have the digits up there when you go to the doctor? No.

Because I turn... That's the funny thing because I went and went, can you do the thing? And they're like, no, you don't need to do that anymore. So I requested it and got knocked back. Oh, brutal, man. I'm sorry. Yeah, you just...

Rejection hurts. Yeah, yeah. Especially when you're paying for it. I'm paying for those fingers to go up the dot. I'm sorry. Yeah, you just... Rejection hurts. Yeah, yeah. Especially when you're paying for it. I'm paying for those fingers to go up the dot. I'm not even getting it. No, you get it in a different way now. What? Emotionally.

It's like an app. It's a blood test or whatever now, so you don't need to actually shit in a bag and give it to anyone. Oh, really? Yeah. They've phased political correctness yeah I know the one thing I was

looking forward to turning 40 is nothing sacred can't even shit in bags anymore what happened to the great anal larrikin

alright well I guess we better wrap it up yeah we really so to speak should have a long time plug it up yeah plug it up Yeah, we really So to speak Should have a long time Plug it up Yeah, plug it up

Put a cork in it, I reckon Alright, fellas Sorry, everyone Sorry, everyone Hope you found this informative No, if they're this far, they're loving it Yeah I had fun

Yeah Sex is fun to talk about Yeah, you've turned off like 40 minutes ago If this is not your cup of tea Yeah Sorry to all of you If this is not your cup of tea. Yeah. If this is not your cup of piss. Cup of pee. Yeah.

There's nothing I like more than snuggling up, putting on some dum-dum club and having a nice warm cup of piss. Some people do listen to the pod in the car with the speakers on and their kid in the booster seat. Oh, they can turn it over. That's their job. It's called parenting. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's fair. I don't even think this is the grossest. This is just a man talking about things that interest him sexually. I agree with that. I think we haven't even said, like, the C-bomb this episode. So, like, this is sort of like a good episode for us. This is our first non-explicit episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This could, like, you know, like, with film ratings, I don't really pay too much attention to it anymore, but like sometimes the line call between being M and being MA in this country was just like one extra sex scene or one character saying fuck would like drive you over into that harder rating. We're not an R for once. This is an MA, I reckon. I reckon we'd be skirting M.

Oh, no. No, this is adult themes. Yeah, it's adult themes. Yeah, adult themes, MA. Yeah, what's the difference between mature and adult themes? Between M and MA. Yeah, like what's an adult theme like, you know, having a designated driver or something?

Someone doing their tax. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got to chuck an MA on this. Kids just won't understand. Yeah. Thinking about death. Someone drinking a glass of Metamucil.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you remember the whole fruit? Gardening Australia. Superannuation. Do you remember that thing that used to be at the start of VHS's

that explained all the ratings? And it started off with the whole family on the couch watching a G movie and then it's like the whole family on the couch watching a G movie and then it's like the PG movie like the youngest kid's

been fucked off and then it's an M and then it's an MA and just like the teen daughter watching Hasta la vista baby and then the final one

is an R movie and it's just like a porno and the dad's there with the wife just loving it and the wife like nudges him and goes don't enjoy the porno

we're both watching together for some reason that I'm shitty at you for enjoying. I remember seeing that at an early age and being really into the teenage girl. Yeah, she was hot. Anyway, thanks for listening, everyone. There's nothing in the news about comics liking teenagers.

I was a teenager at the time. Oh, dearly. And I was in a comic. And I was in fucking teenager at the time. I was a teenager at the time. Oh dearly. And I was in a comic. And I was in a comic. I got groomed by the dad in the ratings video. I got groomed by that girl. I got really into videos off the back of seeing that girl. I got really into Blockbuster off the back of that girl.

All right. Ben, Russell, Josh, Earl, thank you very much for joining us. You've both got podcasts where you talk about very similar things. Hey, I've got a podcast this Saturday that you two are both doing. It's an exclusive Don't You Know Who I Am. I told you, no topical, mate. I'm doing six of them. Six of them.

You guys are on the first one. If people are listening to this, hot off the presses. JoshEarl.com.au. Tickets are $10 and then they disappear. So you can say whatever. If you're listening to this in the future, you can't apply to our P.O. Box 69 in Hawthorne to get tickets to it.

Sorry. They're long gone. But yeah, six of them. Your podcast is called... It's called Don't You Know Who I Am? And recently got a grant or a grant to do it. Oh, cool. Yeah.

Does that mean... Did you apply for it? No. Does that mean that I'm getting some money tonight? This is for the live ones that these guys are doing. You son of a bitch. How come we don't get a grant for this show that we've talked about anal play and pissing on people's faces and whatever the fuck we're talking about? Yeah, we should get a grant from fucking Club X or something.

From Sexyland. Don't you know who I am? Go on, go on, listen to it. Now, Ben Russell, you've got a podcast. Yes, I do. It's called The Grub with Greg Larson and Anne Edmonds. Check it out. What can you tell the

listeners about it? It's a sketch show. So we do sketches. A lot like your sketch show that you guys are planning on this podcast. You guys are really encroaching into our domain. Are we doing sketches on the show? The Funny Fellows, of course. Yeah, so check it out

we do monthly now nowadays there's like what like 70 odd 100 odd episodes free

but we do a monthly now and then a patreon just like our patreon get in and support the shows that you

love yeah thanks very much for listening guys oh tommy just dropped his can of piss yeah i gotta

clean this up real quick. That's why I'm wrapping it up. I've got to roll around in it. Slurp it up. All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.

Up the bum. And they've done it again They have done it again They've done it again as in At the end of a Imagine if you did that at the end of a porno Like the guy comes and then Oh he's done it again

That's great If you were going to get into porno That's a great point of difference Yeah Having a There's not enough porn stars that have catchphrases Yeah Is there any? Well Yeah exactly Zero That's a great point of difference. Yeah. Having a... There's not enough porn stars that have catchphrases. Yeah.

Is there any? Well, yeah, exactly. Zero. That's not enough in my opinion. Yeah, yeah. One would be fine. Yeah. You know, if anyone out there is in the porn industry and you want to use my line from this episode of go for it, dude, in your...

Yeah. In your little skits. In your little skits. In your little sexy skits. In your little sex skits. Yeah. in your course. In your little skits. In your little skits. In your little sexy skits. In your little sex skits. Yeah. And what the people want to know,

has Bernie kicked it up the ass? Has he dicked a big one? Oh, we're back. Doesn't take much to fire us up. He has dicked a big one. Yeah, look, interesting. Like we said, we had some stuff in the pocket, but once we got onto that one track,

one track mind that we had in that episode, let's just open it up and just fang it down this Hershey Highway. Yes, yes. And leave the rest of it for next time. Hope people enjoyed that. Yeah, hope people weren't listening and grossed out or peeved or anything like that. But I think that was fun. Just four people having a discussion about things they're into in the boudoir. Yeah, just a very silly talk.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, just a very silly talk. Yeah. Yeah. So then again, I think I'd be genuinely interested to hear from people that didn't enjoy it. They were like, no. We've been listening to 508 episodes of you saying dumb cunt and people being fat shamed.

But talking about 69ing was too much for me. Yeah. Someone saying that they wouldn't mind trying a golden shower at some point in their life is too far for me. Yeah. Someone saying that they wouldn't mind trying a golden shower at some point in their life is too far for me. But hey, you know, every episode is someone's first. So what about the person who this is the first time they've ever listened

and they've loved it. They are like, this is the best thing I've ever heard. And then going through the back archives and they're actually complaining about everything else. Yeah. They've listened to this episode and they've like it's opened up a

new world for them with their partner yeah gone oh my god and we're i'm only one 508th of the way through the canon yeah imagine all the the doors that are going to open up with the other ones and then it's like oh and then going back and it's like about fucking chocolate mousse yeah thailand what's all this bullshit about a cat competition? One of them's got cancer. That's not making my dick any harder. It's not hot at all. Maybe it does make their dick harder.

Well, thanks. Yet again, boys, you've opened another door for me. A fetish I didn't even know I had. Just someone with a dick in hand walking into Peter McCallum's fucking house. I watched a movie about probably a month ago now with my girlfriend that she had seen the trailer for and wanted to watch. And it really was a movie where the trailer made it look completely different. The trailer made it look a bit like kind of A Star Is Born. Like it made it look like kind of a rom-com about a couple doing music together.

And that is what it's about. But the main through line of the film is their young daughter getting literally the exact cancer that I had and dying from it. And none of this is in the trailer. And so this just starts happening very brutally in the film. And my girlfriend was the one that had lobbied hard to watch it. And she was just sitting there just really guilty, like, I swear to God,

I didn't know this was what the film was going to be. We can turn it off. I'm like, no, actually, I'm fine. I don't really mind watching this, and then she started crying at the film because the film's really heavy-handed, but also she's had the double thing of like, I was just imagining you as a little kid like having that

and I'm like my god this is a fucking brutal brutal brutal film yeah great what did you think of the depiction of the cancer in it

was it true to life um yeah it was um did you didn't agree didn't agree with the actor that they'd gotten to play the cancer

right typical Hollywood whitewashing right um it was Emma Stone playing it they'd gotten to play the cancer. Right. Typical Hollywood whitewashing. Right. It was Emma Stone playing it. Very inappropriate. Didn't do the cancer eyes. No.

Did your dick get hard because you're like, you fucking loser. You died of it. I fucking beat it. Suck shit. Yeah, yeah. I was turning to my girlfriend and going, I'm officially better than the fake child in this movie. Loser. Yeah. But it was weird because it's a it's a

very uh it's a very specific like i didn't have leukemia like i had quite a like a rare specific thing so it is weird to see that welcome back to cancer corner by the way oh yeah we're in cancer corner to see that specifically referenced in the film was kind of strange yeah to pick that over because you don't you didn't have a mainstream one did you you? No, I had an indie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My cancer was on Sub Pop. Yeah, it came from Seattle. It was Australian from Seattle in the early 90s. Wearing a fucking flannel-edged shirt.

Yeah, yeah. It was pretty droney. It's like a droney, sort of muddy, swampy sort of cancer. Yeah. Oh, by the way, I should text this person right now about this. Did you see this in the news this week, that the guitar that Kurt Cobain used in the NTV Unplugged thing?

Yes. It was auctioned. Auctioned. And bought by the guy who, the head of Rode, the microphone company. Oh, really? Who Merrick Watts was talking about on the last episode. I might text him now and say, was that your friend? Yeah.

Okay. And if it is, can we come around and have a go? Yes. Yeah. What would you bash out on it? What could you possibly? What's an easy one? Can you do Wonderwall on it?

Would that offend them if you came around and played Wonderwall on Kurt Cobain's guitar? Oh, so you want to play some... Is that based on... Are you thinking it's funny to play something that Kurt would have hated? Yeah. Some, like, just Kurt would have hated? Yeah. Some like, just real bubble gum. Yeah. I was trying to think of what you would play on the beach.

What's a funny, what's the antidote to him? Kumbaya. Yeah. What's a, smells like Nirvana, the Wiedel-Yankovic parody. Yeah. Can you play that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right.

That's the ultimate yeah disrespect from beyond the grave not really because i mean you are just playing the same music on that guitar you've got to make sure you're doing the lyric you've right at the same time you're making your own song parody uh okay sent sorry i was trying to all right so let's give the context of in the message as well but um we're waiting we're waiting to hear from Eric. We're waiting. But yeah, that's a... That was correct.

Just having just talked about that guy and then seeing him be like... And what's he going to do? He's going to tour it around? What? So he said he's going to... He spent... What was it?

Like six mil or something like that? All I saw was a headline. It's now the most – it's the highest price that a guitar has ever fetched at auction. Wow. He said he's going to take it on the road, charge people to look at it like it's fucking – like it's a barnyard oddity at the circus. Yeah, right, right. Like it's a guy with two heads or something.

Yeah. And then he's going to give that money back into the arts and music community that's been hit hard by the government and stuff. I think America. I think he's going to load it up in the back of a van. But I don't know, man.

Admittedly, I'm not a huge Nirvana head or whatever. I'm trying to think of a band that I really love. Would I give that much of a fuck about just seeing the guitar? I don't really get it. I would have asked the same question. What object would you go and see? Especially if someone says to me,

we've got JK from Jumerica Wise, now hugely offensive Native American headdress that he used to get around on stage in. And you can put it on for a photo. Yeah, yeah. That I'm into. Yeah. That I'm paying to get in. Yeah.

But just like looking at it behind a glass cabinet, I don't give a fuck. Is there any object you would go and see if it was toured around? I mean, not even in the musical world. From film or whatever? Yeah. Once you take it off someone, are you just seeing a thing? I do remember, like I used to go a lot to... When I was a kid, I think I was entertained for two seconds

seeing Kit from Knight Rider at the Melbourne show once. Was it the real one though? Because that's the other thing with these things. Yeah. You know, when you're a kid, you don't know any better. So you're like, of course it is. But they generally make what, three or four of them or something. So it was clearly just one of them.

Right, right. I mean, it was still a car that you can't really see anywhere else. Like that black convertible. It's like, I came from Maryborough to the Melbourne show. Oh, so already you're, yeah. Just seeing a car that wasn't a ute with a guy hanging off the back of it calling me gay was like a cool thing. Yeah, I'm trying to think what I would. I remember when I was a kid I used to go to the Silver K Gallery.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like an animation gallery where they would have. As advertised late at night. Yes. By an old bloke with weird long white hair yeah yeah yeah that's right yeah so like a place in melbourne where um and they and i always wanted to you know what i should buy one of these to fulfill my childhood dream this is when i was like 12 or something i always they would have like animation cells from the simpsons yes and and you know various other

cartoons this is the time when you, cartoons are all done by hand. Yep. And I remember just, like, loving, just thinking that that was so cool that you could potentially own the next time you see that episode, you know that you've got a tangible physical piece of that episode in your house. Yep. That's probably the closest thing I can think to, like, I find that really cool. Having an actual Simpsons sell you should look up

and buy one and just because fulfilling that dream well that is art I guess so I guess that's a little bit

different and that's you owning it that's not you just going to see it but even just going and looking at it in the Silver K

I just used to think like being able to see like wow they've got this here in Australia that's so cool yeah yeah yeah sure sure

yeah okay yeah I just I just wondered I was thinking if Liverpool brought in Australia. That's so cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, sure. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I just wondered. I was thinking, if Liverpool brought the European Cup to Australia, oh, God. I don't know.

I don't think I'd pay to go on the set, that's for sure. Right. Having said that, a couple of months ago when I was in that, I was going to say

ill-fated trip to England. I'm not sure if it is ill-fated. ill-fated trip to England. I'm not sure if it is ill-fated. Weirdly fated trip to England. I did, I went and saw a match and then the next day I went back to the, I did a tour of the trophy room. So I did go and see the trophies and stuff like that, I guess. That's cool.

I was already there. Yeah. So. Merica has written back and said that guy's the owner and his mate is the CEO. Oh. So not the same. So not the same. Different people.

We don't have a three degrees of separation from. Damn. So we're not going to be able to play Kurt's guitar is what you're saying? No. Probably not. Probably not. Probably not. No.

Okay. That's a shame. That's a shame. What would you like to. So you. Probably not. No. Okay. That's a shame. That's a shame. What would you like to... So you've got a drum set. What would you like to play in terms of like a... This is a famous drummer. There's Ringo and then who else?

No one. Yeah. I don't really know of any. Ringo's drum set wasn't even probably as good as yours. It's just a piece of shit. Well, yeah. I mean, mine's electric. So it definitely wouldn't have been.

Better than Ringo's. I wouldn't have had the ability to patch in and add new sounds to it. Yeah. That would have been cool. Wouldn't have had the ability to run an iPhone into it. Is that what you can do? Yeah. Why would you need that?

So I can plug. Oh, you can play along. Yeah, I can have music going kind of through the drum. So I can have headphones on and I'm hearing the music and then I'm hearing me drumming over the top of the music. Really, really good shit. And especially if you get on YouTube, you can find enough,

there's people that kind of catalogue big songs where they've taken the drum track out. So instead of just playing over the song, so it's like if you fuck up, you do hear it a bit more. Because if you're just drumming along with the drum track under there and you fuck it, it's possible to sort of not really know how bad of a job you're doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it is a little bit more fun when it feels like I'm actually playing a gig. Yeah, yeah, for sure. That's your drum karaoke. Totally. Yeah. It's wonderful what they can do with computers these days. It's so much fun. It really is so much fun.

Yeah. I've got to organise a thing to play live when that's allowed. Well, you know, I mean, November 7th, the 500th episode at the Athenam Theatre in Melbourne, there's a big chance of Fat Lizzy's reforming. I mean, for all the Fat Lizzy, the true Fat Lizzy fans out there, there will be original members. There's going to be a few new ring-ins.

So, yeah, it will be slightly different. But, yeah, I think it'll be worth going to. It's not a million miles away from the Avalanches, where so long between drinks that a lot of the original members have just kind of drifted away. When they play live, there's a few ring-ins. That's me. I'm like the guy from Spank Rock. Just stepping in to do the raps.

But the two white guys from Mary Bar, don't feel confident enough to do up there on stage. Don't feel confident enough to fill in for Danny Brown in the live recording. Yep. Very true. Very true. Yep.

Very fair. Thank you to everyone for listening in general, but a special thanks to people who monetize this show for us. The Patreon subscribers, and of course,

you can go to patreon.com slash little dum-dum club to put in a few shekels our way to keep this thing on the road. That's how we keep it going. We do the occasional little ad, but we do some live shows. This is a cool thing where we're quite popular to a degree,

but it's all because of you guys. In terms of the success off the back of it, it's all because of you guys. So thank you very much for doing that. And that's the website you can go to to be part of that success story for us. Of course, we do our best to give stuff back to you, especially lately. God, you guys have got so much bonus material and we really put some effort into it. And it's really fun. A lot of the episodes I kind of think, fuck, I wish we had had put this out in the main feed so as many people could hear it as possible

but then I think, fuck you guys, you haven't given me one cent for it. So it goes to the proper punters. There is at the time of recording a big chunk of episodes in there in the catalogue with a bunch of guests, a bunch of us doing different ideas. Yeah, fucking hours of content at the

moment. Yeah, and a bunch of us doing exactly what we do on the normal show as well, if you'd just like exactly that to happen. So get into that. It would be great of you. And then you get to go in our little special Facebook group, The Millionaire's Club as well. It gets special access to us where we just do full-on dick pics most days.

That people have asked for. Yes, I ask for them yes yes um i ask does anyone want me to post this yes okay here it is someone said yes it might have been me yeah um so yeah you can get into that as well uh and of course the big the biggest cherry on top the biggest thank you you can give is not the gift of content, but the gift of immortalising your name in Dumb Dumb Club folklore forever by having it be spoken by us. And then riffed off with some little improvised comedy. That's the best thing that can happen.

This is like an alien just came to Earth, listened to the show once, and then he's trying to explain it back to us. So you say the name, and then you riff on the name back to the person who's subscribed. Yeah, that's what we do. That's how we make a living. Did you ever have this when you were a kid, or was this after your time? There was a, you know, when, you know, mail merging is quite common now. What?

You know, mail merging as in that's sort of a way to describe when you, say, print a million invitations to something and then you've got the little space where they put, you are invited to the, you know, 2020 Dildo Convention. Tommy Dasolo, please come along and enjoy the whole thing. And there's that little space where they put your name in there. Okay, yeah. Well, obviously, they print that invite first

and have the whole Dildo Convention catalogue invitation going. Yeah. And then it goes through a separate print run where they just put the names in. Okay, right, right, right, yeah. And they do that. They combine the info they've got with all the millions of names that they're inviting to the dildo convention.

And so that's sort of called mail merging. Do you understand what I mean? When's the dildo convention? Well, read your invite. You've got one. Oh, okay. Yeah. I must have gotten lost in the mail.

Yeah. So that obviously is like a semi-recent invention idea. I remember when I was a kid, there was like a, they were sort of, I guess, coming across that idea a little bit. They would write a book. It was like a kid's book about someone having this heroic adventure. And then there'd be like six spaces through the book where they put. And then along came Dash.

Carl. I do. Yeah, yeah. I do think I got maybe one book like that when I was a little kid. Right, right. And really feeling like it was true sorcery. Yeah, yeah. What the fuck?

Yeah. How has this happened here? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And your parents would do a bit of like, hey, you know, we've really pulled some strings here. We've done something pretty amazing by getting you written into this book. We've really pulled in some favours down at Simon & Schuster and got you written into this.

I went down and sucked off the head of the Scholastic Book Club. Yeah, yeah. I rimmed Wilbur Smith and anyway, now you're in the power of one or fucking whatever. Yeah. I know he didn't write that fuckhead, so don't fucking tell me. So that's what we're doing. This is the modern day equivalent of that.

Right, right. Of us getting this. Oh, is this like a little storybook that we're, each week it's a new storybook that we're just inserting these people into. Yes, yes. This is a classic fable. Yeah. This is a fable time every week.

So let's start that up. Of course, it's more... It's often somehow lazier than a machine that just prints it for the company. Yeah, but speaking of lazy machines, we've got the unplanned title right here to help us out. It absolutely works for us money by spewing out hundreds of names per week. Yep. And that's exactly what it's going to do again this week. No rest for the wicked, as my mum would say.

Does your mum regularly, does she use that phrase? Yes. No rest for the wicked. Have you never heard that? I've heard it. I don't think I've ever heard a person say it in real life. Right. I've heard it in sitcoms and in TV shows.

Right. To me, it's just one of those phrases that exists in popular culture, but no one has ever said it. Real people don't say it. Yeah, yeah, no, my mum was a big one for it. I never really examined it, which is a very weird thing for my mum to say to me as a kid. No rest for the wicked, implying that she's just fucking pure evil. Yeah, what kind of, what does it, what is it meant to mean? Well, yeah, I don't know why there's

no rest if you're the person saying it like what like you you know you're often you're saying it about yourself so what but why like oh i'm busy but what like why has wickedness got to come into it yeah it's implying you know how bad people can't rest not really well anyway i'm bad not only am i busy i'm a shit person as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's the only reason that I am busy is because I'm a shit person, which then begs the question, well, what are you busy doing? Covering up crimes?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, no rest for the wicked. I'm flat out fucking strangling babies. Yeah. Okay. No further questions. Wow, okay.

Yeah, I'm doing good, I guess. Yeah, I guess I'll go and have a rest because I'm not a shit cunt. Yeah. Having a nap. Yep. I'm a good guy. This proves it. What a white knight.

Check out the white knight in his bed over there in his fucking hammock. Oh, laddie. We get it. We get it. Nothing sticks to this guy. We get it. You've never raped a cat in your life. Oh, God. All right. All right.. Nothing sticks to this guy. We get it. You've never raped a cat in your life. Oh, God.

All right. All right. So let's fire it up. Let's fire it up. It's all fired up. All it needs is the touch of a button. The deft touch of that big red button. And here we go.

First cab off the rank this week. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Jordy Treveson. Treveson. Treveson. I have to say, look, an easy thing to say is that's the first Treveson we've had on the show, but a not as easy thing to say, but also relevant, is I reckon it's the first Jordy we've had on the show. Yeah, I'd say so.

I'd say so for sure. Jordy. Jordy Shaw. It's an odd one. It's a child's name. It's a really odd one. Is this a child that's... You know when you have those nicknames or abbreviations of your child as a kid?

Someone like yourself, Tommy. Yes. You could easily have hit age 21 and gone, I'm actually Tom from now on, or I'm Thomas. Yeah. It's like that 21 and gone, I'm actually Tom from now on. Or I'm Thomas. Yeah. It's like that, but worse, I reckon. Because Tommy, you can get away with that as a grown-up. That's fine. Yeah, yeah.

But Geordie. Ooh. I reckon once you hit 14, I reckon it's time to give up Geordie. But is it? But it actually is a name. It's not a nickname. It is a name. Is it?

I thought it was. No, I'm pretty sure it is. Well, you should change i reckon we had a geordie at my school that was like on the roll as geordie i think you should change your name at age 14 to jordan because that's well that is what's weird about it is that it exists as a name and and what's the because you know some people do would for example call their child tommy and they would put that on the birth certificate that is, that is weird. But did that, but is that the, and so, but the origins of that name are as short for Thomas still.

But is this, is it the case with Geordie? Did Geordie, is Geordie, did Geordie originate as a shortening of a nickname of Jordan, or does it just exist separately as its own name? That's a good point, what you say about yourself. Like if you'd been just named Tommy, that's the name, and then you try and call yourself Thomas and your parents are like, ah, ah, ah. No.

We didn't call you that. But it's like, yeah, there's certain names where it's like, Timothy's another one. If we've called you that, we've given you the long version. Yeah. You have carte blanche to do whatever you want. Now you can move. This is the top of the tree.

It's the trickle down. But you can't have Timmy and decide you want to go backwards to Timothy. It's not how it works. You're one of those pieces on the chessboard that can move in whatever direction. Yeah, right. Thomas is the queen. The queen. Yeah.

Right. Yeah, yeah. You can do whatever the fuck you want. Yeah. Exactly. Whereas Tommy is more like the knight. He can only move in an L shape. In a weird direction.

In a weird fucked up L shape. Yeah. What's with that? I never got into chess, but if you had said to me, what are the things you know about chess? I'd be like, the pawns mean fuck all, but the knights go in some sort of weird Melbourne hook turn. Some nerd is going insane out here.

Yeah, good. Someone going, the pawns do nothing. Yeah, well, let me tell you. I don't know how you got to this point, if you're into that, how you got through that one hour's worth of sex talk to get to this point yeah well but it is an interesting um question like the person who invented chess so they're looking at it you've got the pawn so they're essentially the soldiers they can only move one space okay well on the rank on the hierarchy makes sense um king can move any direction but only in one space right Right. All right. Queen, you know, arguably like, yeah, more powerful than the king in many places.

She's the one really pulling the strings. Salute. Women's lib. She can move wherever. If you're talking about like real world things that you're trying to acquire on this game board. Burn your bra. Then, yes, that all makes sense. But so far I'm completely on board.

Yeah. Then you're getting to the knight. You're getting to the guy like what, like riding a horse. Yes. And you're going, he can go three ahead and then slightly to the left. Because as we all know, a horse is like a wonky shopping trolley. Yes. It's always curving off right at the end.

Yeah, yeah. What's the leap there? And then the bishop, well, as we all know, members of the clergy always just go on diagonal. Ah, is that what they do? Those two, it's like, what's the link there? That's a huge leap from real world. all the others kind of make sense to me yeah that would be that would be a that would here we go we haven't talked about this for a while but here's my entry into the funny fellas okay yeah i've got a new sketch for funny fellas i don't know how we get the context

of the the chess in there to start with but someone gets knighted by the queen and as soon as they put the sword on his shoulder he goes thank you ma'am and gets up and walks straight out of there but then suddenly just goes to the left goes left into a wall yeah yeah so how do we this this is it's kind of too good for the funny i know it's actually a good i could use that on some other show actually but look maybe that's what we put past maybe that's the opening sketch of the series and people see that and your networks can approve it off the back of that and they go oh maybe this is all right yeah we treat it's like a it's kind of a trojan horse yes ironically enough yes so it's so it's but so it's it he takes a left turn him and the horse

crash into the wall yeah and then you have like a bishop they're going i'll help him up but he has to go diagonal so he can't quite get to him yeah yeah oh yeah yeah oh yeah and then and then someone says where's the porn and they go you dirty cunt oh now we're getting back into yes we still we kind of have the germ of a good idea in there and then we just fuck it by having too much other stuff in it and bad language and then, yeah. Oh, no, we make it more funny, fellas. You just, that all happens. He crashes into this. Somehow we get in the fact that this is an allegory to chess.

Yep. But then you just cut to some bloke. That's the biggest challenge I read. Yeah. How do you make it clear that we're talking about chess? There'll be a way. I just, yeah, I'll need to sit down for 30 seconds and figure it out. Whoa. how do you make it clear that we're talking about chess? There'll be a way. I just need to sit down for 30 seconds and figure it out.

Well, don't spend too long on it. That's the rule, isn't it? You can't think too hard about this show. No, 30 seconds is a bit too long. Yes. So what you need to do then. So that's been a bit, for big fans of Funnyfellas, maybe you see that sketch and you go, I think I'm in the wrong show.

This is a joke about chess. And they just go to change the channel. And just to close out that sketch, you see a guy in the corner with a fucking helmet on and he's got the chain mail on and he's got his dacks pulled down and he's jerking his dick. And someone says to him, what the hell are you doing? And he points over and goes, just looking at porn. And he's looking at a porn.

Just the piece. The piece. Yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, a guy pulling his dick looking at a chess piece. We've been talking a lot. We've been talking about the funny fellas for quite some time now

and I think neither of us have a, you know, we've just said we want it, we want it up on a, it's our pitch to a network or whatever. It's our dream of like having a network show that's deliberately bad. So if it doesn't get up, we don't care. But then everything on TV is shit, so it probably will get up. And if it does get up, we gotcha.

We gotcha all. Awesome. We haven't talked too much about, between the two of us, what our dream home for Funny Fellas is, in terms of the network or streaming platform or whatever it is. I thought you were going to say, what's our dream home once this becomes the biggest show in Australia? What house are we going to buy

together and live in? It's my bar. No, in terms of the actual where we want the show to end up. And I've got a bit of an outside the box idea for you. If it's anything but Seven Mate, then yes, you're going to have to surprise me with it.

I reckon we pitch the show direct to Gogglebox. A private Gogglebox. A private Gogglebox. So Funnyfellas doesn't exist anywhere outside of Gogglebox. So if you want to see it, you've got to watch people watching it.

You've got to watch suburban people watching and reacting to it and going, what the fuck is this? Are we like the itchy and scratchy? Is that what it's going to be? Yes. Right, right, right. The show within a show.

Dumber than itchy and scratchy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, great. I like it. I like it a lot. I actually don't mind it. Yeah. And we know that we have a Gogglebox star.

We have a star that listens and we have someone who works on it who listens. Oh, yeah. So we could conceivably somehow make this, or at the very least, we just could film that and make that ourselves. I do like the idea that every sketch ends with coming outside the TV and just seeing someone in the real world be like, what the fuck was that? What is this chess shit they're going on about?

I do like a recurring character. See, this is... If you're watching Gogglebox that week and you're watching them watch Funnyfellas sketches, you're like, I've never heard of this show. When was this on? When was this actually on? Yes, that would be great.

That's just getting sizzled that's really good people like pouring through the TV guide like I like that sketch I saw on Gogglebox I'd love to see more of that

where the fuck is this show where did they pull this from they were watching it on Gogglebox it must be on TV what about a sketch on the show

that's Gogglebox except it's just people watching different pornos every week oh yeah nice and just different pornos every week. Oh, yeah, nice. And just jerking off every week. I mean, we could just edit that ourselves.

We could just get footage from Gogglebox and recontextualise it so that it's people watching porn. Yeah, that's pretty good. That's pretty funny. Yeah, that's good. Okay, that'll work. That'll also work for funny films. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that'll also work. And then they're watching that on Gogglebox.

Yes, yes. A real inception of fucked comedy. Exactly. Yeah. I do like that idea that you just edit Gogglebox where you're getting people commenting on stuff going, oh, that's a bit much, and you're just seeing a dick go into a bum hole and stuff like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just out of context, ewer sort of comments on fucking Better Homes and Garden or whatever they're watching. Yeah. And just putting hardcore anal on the TV. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and Garden or whatever they're watching. Yeah. And just putting hardcore anal on the TV. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I'm into that. Not bad. Yeah, that's good. Thanks, Geordie. Thanks, Geordie. But genuinely, thanks, Geordie. Yes. Like, you've given birth to... What an inspiration you are.

Some incredible ideas for us. You know what would be a good birthday gift for anyone that's been thanked on this segment? You know sometimes people as a birthday present say, if I was giving you a birthday present, Tommy, I'd give you a record that I'd buy from some company. That was the number one record on the day that you were born. On the day I was born, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1980, whatever it is.

For anyone playing at home. Yep, 1986. And what would it have been? Walk the Dinosaur by Wes Knott was. You know what? I'm going to look it is. Six. For anyone playing at home. Yep. Ninety-six. And what would have been Walk the Dinosaur by Wes Not Was? You know what? I'm going to look it up. Oh, great. What would I say? So number one, do I put the month in?

Number one record. Number one song. Yep. Number one song, August 1986. Yep. Number one song, August. I'm going to now look up Walk the Dinosaur by Wes Knott was to see how far off I was. 1986.

Number one song, August 25, 1986. Steve Winwood, Higher Love. Right, nice. Not bad. What's your birth date again? August 25. August 25. How are you going to cross-reference this with the period?

Well, first of all, do you even know for a fact that Walk the Dinosaur ever made it to number one? No, it wouldn't have. I'm just seeing when it came out, though. Where it charted. Yeah. Man, I was so close. It got released in 1987. Oh, wow.

Oh, I would have been a beautiful one-year-old, succulent, supple little boy, bopping along to that, coming on the radio in the car. Wasn't a bad guess at all. Driving to the tip with Dad. As a one-year-old, driving to the tip with your Dad? Dad used to love a trip to the tip. When you were one? Probably.

Wow. Most of my early memories are me going to the tip with my Dad and being scared that I'd fall in. Right, yeah. I went to the tip with my dad and being scared that I'd fall in. Right, yeah. I went to the tip a few times, but I wasn't... Yeah, I don't think... Not that young. My child is 16 months old.

I haven't brought her to the tip yet. I think I'll wait for three. Wait for her to turn three first. On her third birthday. Yeah. Straight to the tip. Have whatever you want. Pick something out of here.

You can have whatever you want. You're a. Yeah. Straight to the tip. Have whatever you want. Pick something out of here. You can have whatever you want. You're a man now. Go to the tip. The Maryborough Bar Mitzvah. Yeah. Go to the tip. Man. I've said this before on the show, but the main school in Maryborough is built on the

old side of the tip. That's so good. Instead of an Indian burial ground, it's just like the ghosts of fucking old big M's are haunting that secondary and primary school. Fuck, what was I going to say off the back of that? I had something fucking... Walk the dinosaurs? Oh, yeah.

So the point of that whole thing was... Fuck, what was the point of it? I brought up that... Oh, so you're saying... I think I know what you were going to say. So as a birthday present, someone getting... Here's the record that was number one. Oh, yes.

Are you saying a birthday present for a listener of this would be? A transcript of what you have read about you on the show. Or I like, you know those birthday cards you can get that you open them up and they've got like a little thing that triggers like a song that starts playing? You've just got the entire 20-minute riff queued up in a greeting card that they open and it's like oh Darryl Fuckbag sounds like getting

done up the ass it's just them them sitting there surrounded by friends and family and a cake and as they start to close it they're like

I think I get the gist the person's like no no no we have to sit and listen me, you, mum, dad grandma, little Timmy we're all sitting here

and we're listening to this 20 minute odyssey about anal. Happy birthday. Yep. Plenty of time to eat cake in that time. Yep. Thanks, Geordie.

Thank you. Next up. Fuck, we've taken a while there. We better get a bit quicker. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. Well, well, well. Look, I'd like to do a quicker one, but unfortunately the gods have intervened and said that we cannot do a quicker one for this one. I'm meant to be going to the gym in three hours from now.

Am I making that class or not? You be the judge. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber, Matt Finger. Sorry, Pythons. You're going unworked today. Oh, man. Matt Finger. Matt Finger.

Thing... T-H? What are you saying? Finger. Finger. Wow. I mean, I think it was like my brain not the opposite of hearing what it wants to hear. Right.

It's like, it's my brain going, this is too good to be true. Yeah, that can't happen. He can't possibly be saying that. No one's ever been called that. Matt Finger. Jesus. That is... Imagine being 16 at the Blue Light Disco and saying to some girl,

do you mind if I me you? Matt you? That of anyone, of any name we've ever read out, I reckon that's up there. That's easily the top five of most bullyable in high school for sure. The day that, I like to imagine the scenario where Matt Finger, he learns what fingering is before any of his friends. Somehow he just hears about it

through whatever well through his ancestors because they invented it yeah yeah they got named after so then he's just like he knows his days are numbered he's like once the fellas find out about this i am toast yeah he's got to think of some uh comebacks before anyone uh he's getting on the front foot well he's also then he's trying to stop them from learning what it is. Oh, right, right, right. He's like, hey, have you guys heard about like you put your hands down a girl's pants and you like, you kind of like go inside her with your hand? Nah, nah, I heard you're actually gay if you do that.

So, yeah. I like how, this is how we work someone's called finger instead of thinking it's like you know just something that's attached to a hand immediately it goes to no it's a thing that goes inside a vagina it's of course that's that's the only use yeah this name as a verb oh yeah i've i've never we personally we've never used our fingers for anything else that's why we've gone straight to that. No. Yeah.

I mean, when I pick up a bottle, like right now, I'm holding a bottle in my right hand. Yeah. And I'm like, this doesn't, this isn't even in the top five of activities that I could be doing with these things. Well, that looks weird to me that you're even doing that. Because, of course, I'm holding this microphone in the crook of my elbow. Yes. Because I just pick up stuff like that.

I've never even thought. Well, you want to keep them fresh. I want to keep my powder dry. crook of my elbow. Yes. Because I just pick up stuff like that. I've never even thought. You want to keep them fresh. I want to keep my powder dry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You want to keep those fingers pure. Yeah. Now, sometimes I do a sneaky little thing where I cross-check these names just to make sure that they're real.

And by that, there's no work being done. I just literally open facebook and write these names in and see if they've got a facebook account so what what i particularly like about this name is that his real name is matt digit no matt dig it um no i like this that you you put the name in i haven't gone straight to the person's page it just came up with all the different people all the fingers in the world. Yes. There's a few Matthew fingers.

There's a Matty finger. Matty finger. Matty finger. Matty finger would be a hell of a bloke, I reckon. Shout out to Matty finger in Iowa. Okay. Yeah. All right.

In his profile pic, he's got a couple of kids, which shows that he hasn't quite followed through. Send this guy a message and say, we're talking about you right now on an Australian podcast. Well, what I have seen at the top, Facebook, Zuckerberg's done it again. He suggested, well, I presume this is the actual Matt Finger. He's at the top of the list of recommended people. Must feel good. How'd you get that? So, what I like...

Every word, nearly every word about this, I enjoy a lot. Okay. Because it's got the name, it's got the location, and it's got an interest. Okay. So, it says... Starts off with the name. Classic. Yeah.

But even that's got a little bit of juice to it, because it's like, Matt Finger. Brackets. Finger. Okay. Finger, nay finger. that's got a little bit of juice to it because it's like matt finger brackets finger okay finger nay finger so it's so it's like what is his maiden name finger but then he married someone called finger yeah what does that mean that just sounds like that yeah i don't know he's just named second it's like you can't have any too too in your name. Got to get this going again. Finger, finger. Is the second finger silent?

Do you only pronounce the first finger? I don't know what's going on there. Yeah, it's like that knee finger. Yeah. It's like girls do when they marry and they get a new surname. Yeah. But he's just fucked up and gone. It's like, what's your maiden name?

What is maiden name? What does maiden mean? Cool? Because my cool name is Finger. So I'll just whack that in as well. I don't mind it. I really don't mind it. Yeah.

I mean, when you've got a surname that good, get it out there as much as you can. You know what I would do? If I was Matt Finger, I would put in as my maiden name, Get It? Because then it comes up as Matt Finger, Get It? Yep. Yep. So, okay. So it says Matt Finger.

Finger. Lives in Shepparton, Victoria, yeah. Matt Finger, get it? Yep, yep. So, okay. So it says, Matt Finger lives in Shepparton, Victoria. Okay. I just think that it's just a funny town because I just knew a lot of people lived or went to school in Shepparton growing up and it's just one of these sort of fuckhead towns. Okay. You know, it's like Maribor. You know, I own it. It's the same sort of deal.

There's a lot of towns in Victoria in a country like it. Shepparton's pretty big though, isn't it? Yes, it is. Yeah, I remember we went there a bunch when I was a kid, but I can't remember anything about it, nor can I remember why we went there. Did you work at the SPC tinned fruit factory? Because that might be why.

Ah. Do you remember very vague memories of you putting peaches in a can? Yeah, it's all coming back to me now. Right, that's that. Getting the cans from the tip, washing them out and chucking putting peaches in a can? Yeah, it's all coming back to me now. Right, that's that. That's that. Getting the cans from the tip, washing them out and chucking some peaches in there. Taking the rats out and putting peaches in. And I might be wrong, and please, Matt Finger, correct me if I am wrong,

but I've got a vague memory of maybe him buying a T-shirt once and me writing, Matt Finger, please sign up to Patreon. Oh, really? Okay. Interesting, really? Okay. Interesting. Interesting. So Matt Finger, finger, lives in Shepparton, Victoria, likes. Two for two here.

Likes hunting. Oh, I'll bet. Hunting for a while. I'll bet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Get the bloodhounds out.

Yeah. Yeah. Doing a bit of Matt Finger fingering. Yep. I love it. Very nice. There would be a lot of fingering in shepherding as well i reckon oh big time at an early age too i would say do you ever did you ever do you ever subscribe by that that like people in the country do everything earlier because maybe they're bored like they drink earlier they procreate earlier yeah my girlfriend

asked me the other day, do you think people out deep in the suburbs slash country towns, do you think they have better sex than people in the city? And my answer was, I reckon their quality of sex that they're having is probably lower, but I reckon they're more into it and more appreciative of it than people in the city. So I think it's probably quite, you know, quite vanilla,

nothing mind-blowing, but they're not like, you know, people in the city, especially if you're single and you're on the apps and you're working it a lot, people tend to get pretty, like, I don't know, picky or, like, feel like, especially in this current age, like, everyone feels like they've got so many options out there and everything like that. So they're probably a lot more critical of the kind of sex that they're having.

Whereas, you know, you're out in the country, you know, probably with your high school sweetheart, you know, you're not really thinking like, oh, there's thousands of other people out there that I could be doing wild sexploits with. You're just appreciating what you're having a little bit more. Sure.

I've never thought of it that way, but if you're out in the country and you're on the apps and you're just seeing the same three people pop up every week, it's like, oh. I would like to know how it works in certain parts of the world. If you live in, I'd be interested to hear from people that Yes. That live in, what can we cap the population at? I reckon, let's say it's like Maribor. Okay. 8,000. 8,000 people.

If you're around about that and you're on the social meeting apps, we'd love to hear how that works. What's it like? Especially if you've also got the experience of being in a big city as well. Right, yeah. Yeah, so you can compare. You're also, surely you're having to like increase the radius quite a great deal. Right.

Like if you're in Marybury, you're having to be pretty comfortable with driving to Clunes to get your rocks off. Yes. One would think, one would assume. Absolutely. I don't know how, I can't remember how high the radius of the apps goes. Yeah. I can't remember how high the radius of the apps goes. Because that's kind of a common move.

Like you keep it pretty narrow because you're hoping to sort of maybe be, you know, maybe if it's like a last minute thing, like someone who's kind of nearby. And over time you are just seeing the same few faces, you know, rock up. In much the same way if you're like looking for real estate or whatever, you're like, you know what, I've got to expand the search. I was talking to my wife on the weekend. I reminded her of something that she said very early on because she's very much a city girl. She's not much experience of moving anywhere outside of 15 minutes out of the city all of her life.

anywhere outside of like 15 minutes out of the city. Yeah. All of her life. So when we first got together, I had just moved to Collingwood, I think, and not far into the relationship. I'd just moved into Collingwood. I used to be in, I'd moved from Williamstown,

which is like a fair way out, sort of. Yeah. It's not too far out. It's just the other side of the city, and it's out of business. It's hard to get to as well. Yes, it is hard to get to. It's across the water, so you've so you get a bridge to get there geographically like as the crow flies probably not too bad yeah it's just a it's just fucked to get to yes train

train was it was fucked to get to yeah it's it's a pain in the ass to drive to whatever and very early on she said uh she found out that i'd moved from williams town she's and she was like oh if you would have been from there when we met, we wouldn't have gone out. I was like, really? You just would have said no to me as a person. Ignore your feelings just geographically. And she's like,

yep. I just thought that was so funny. Wow. And then I brought up with her on the weekend and just went sort of in a, like a funny way to shame her sort of. Remember when you said, remember when you said this? And she's like,

yeah, I wouldn't have been driving across a fucking bridge to see you every weekend. And I'm like, oh. And you've also like capped it at I'm seeing you once a week. Well, you know, midweek you're driving to hers. Weekend she's driving to yours. She needs that extra travel time. Yeah, yeah.

You can't really be doing that. You can't be staying over and driving to work on a Thursday morning from Williamstown. Fuck that. Yeah, it's like we would be destined to be just pen pals, I think. Yeah. Well, lucky you moved. Lucky. Very lucky I moved in.

Thanks, Matt. Thanks, Matt. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Till Knowles. Till Knowles. Now, this is a hard one. This is a... Is it a hard one? Well, because we know it.

We know who this is. A name just coming up out of the ether, we have no knowledge about the person whatsoever, is easy enough to just tee off on. Well, we can give background on what we know. I mean, there's two points here that are sitting out to me. It's Till Knowles. Yes, Till is short for Beyonce.

It's Beyonce Knowles. Yep. She's sponsoring. She's on Patreon. Beyonce's on Patreon. Yep. Giving back. Yep.

That's good. It's five bucks a month. Pretty tight, but anyway. For Beyonce, but anyway. Whatever. Till. Now, Till is actually short for Matilda. Yes.

Isn't it? Um, now why would you shorten it to Till? I think Matilda's a beautiful name. I think Matilda's a really good name too. Yeah. Yeah, I don't quite get it. Hmm. I don't think Till's like a easy off the lips sort of like abbreviation.

It's not like, oh, my name's Andrew. Just call me Andy. Oh, yeah, cool. Because that's fun to say. I think sometimes though with like nicknames or shortening of names or whatever it is, I think it's just kind of like maybe it's just an impulse that you have at a certain age that's like a bit of like the start of like a teenage rebellion against my parents.

You know, like they gave me this name, this fucking stuffy old name. This is what they call me. It's the beginning of you kind of wanting to like break free and do your own things you're like you know what fuck you mom and dad i'm calling myself right is this is this abbreviation is this is this the uh in comparison like archie comics until is like riverdale the series uh it's updating this old antiquated sort of version of something for a new generation. Yeah. A lot more raunchy. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. People getting killed. Yeah. For some reason. Jughead wearing not a fucked in the head cap anymore for some reason. Whatever that thing was. Yeah. You know that cap that he wore?

Jughead? They're a real thing though. I think we talked about this before and then someone sent me a link saying here's what it actually is meant to be. It's an actual style of hat. It's not like a thing that they just – it's not like a thing that they created. You mean in Ridderdale or you mean in Archie comics? In the comics. Right.

I always thought when I was a kid reading them that it was like a – that he was wearing a paper crown from a Christmas cracker. And that's what it looks like. Yeah. But it's not that? No. It is an actual real-world style of hat, I believe. Right. Maybe it was popular at the time.

Because when did Archie comics start? Like the 60s or something? No. Like the 30s or something. Yeah, right. Yeah, it's like... It's really... I mean, you can tell it's really way back because of the...

You see the old comics and they're driving around in... Two broads fighting over a guy. Well, Archie drives around in a jalopy, which is like this car. It looks like fucking Henry Ford's first idea. Yeah. Off the fucking line. All those old cars that if you had even a minor prying in them, you're dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because there's just like a spike pointing out of the dashboard. Yeah. And there's like, I think, like the back of the car sort of looks like a stairway. So like you sit in the back seat or then you can sit behind him that's even further up. All of a sudden, you're sitting at the top of fucking stairwell. Yeah. Like twice as high as the driver is. Yeah.

Like, how the fuck does that work? You just get catapulted if you get into an accident. But above all, Till Knowles. Till Knowles. All right, we're not going to talk about Archie for another 20 minutes? No, we can do that later. Okay. Well, two facts about Till Knowles.

Yes. The first thing I ever learnt about Till Knowles, because I've known her for a little while. I met her a while ago. Ex-mechanic. Ah. Ex-mechanic of Friend of the Show, Dave O'Neill. Right. Ex-mechanic.

Ah. Ex-mechanic of friend of the show Dave O'Neill. Right. Well, see, that's beautiful because that pairs in extremely not nicely to the second fact, I guess. Which is we know her now as someone who is writing a thesis about this show. Yes. And we've been interviewed for it. So does this now discussing this have to go back into the thing? Well, that's what I was starting to think.

We better pump this up. We better make this worthwhile because this might get in. Boy, a lot of grist for the mill in this week's episode. Yeah. Oh, wow. Her just rubbing her little hands together going like, wow, a whole section about anal and being pissed on. Yeah.

Fuck yeah. There's a lot of new footnotes going in this week. So she's running a thesis. This is a proper thing. She's been doing this for a few years as well, which is concerning that you're spending that long writing about what this thing is. Yes.

She came to Koh Samui last year as research. Right. Going deep undercover. Wow. Never been kissed style. Fuck. That's, well, when you put it that way, all right, I might go back to uni if that's what you can get away with. Yeah, yeah.

Going to the fucking beach to a podcast convention. Well, I would be interested to know because, yeah, she's listened to the show for a while. And so obviously being a fan of it and thinking that there's enough to write about and deciding to do your thesis on. But like anything, if you even like anything, even doing an assignment in year 12 where you don't spend nearly as long on it as you do on a thesis, you're so off the topic by the time you're finishing it off. A thesis takes many, many years. And also, your tastes in art you enjoy and culture you enjoy

changes as you get older. The idea that she is just absolutely off this show at this point hates it just had enough has but has to keep listening to it and not only that writing about it and thinking about it day in day out for the sake of her professional future that's it that's like she's gonna fucking she's gonna take it she's gonna just get an Uzi and go crazy. That's it. I mean, I've said this to my wife before. She, she thought about, you know, long, long, long ago, she was thinking about changing jobs. And she did back at that point.

But she was thinking she'd always wanted to work for like, like over here, like a film distributor or something. Because she loves movies. Yeah. Loves movies. It's like, you've got to remember this. You just, it's just another job. Like job like you know what you can still watch movies like yeah yeah yeah that would probably that that could possibly kill your love for it because if you're distributing a movie and and it doesn't go well it's not success and you get in trouble for it all of a sudden you're going to hate those that movie or you're

going to hate movies in general well you know comedy is a really good example. You're a fan of it and then you just end up, you decide you want to do it and you watch so much of it. It's like actual stand-up and stuff doesn't make you laugh. Yeah, we used to love comedy and now we hate it.

Yeah. Yeah. And I think that comes through in our comedy. Just absolutely disrespecting the form. Showing what we really think of it. Treating it like a dirty little plaything.

Yeah. Now, Till, she interviewed us for this thing, which is good that it's not an unauthorized thesis. Right, yeah. She's allowed to use pictures of us on the cover. Yeah, yeah. Not Wikipedia style where they just find the weirdest possible choice of pictures of it because they're not copyrighted pictures yeah yeah um big watermark over the top of it yeah

um now we were interviewed for it and she told us her plans to uh ask uh interview several friends of the show uh about it as well i heard just last night from one of those friends of the show that is about to be interviewed or has just been interviewed, I'm not sure. It is Tom Ballard who just said, oh, I'm being interviewed or whatever it is for this thesis or whatever. I'm like, oh, that's very funny. And I think Till had sent him a rough cut of the thesis

or some sort of example of it. Rough cut? Yeah, yeah. The dailies of the thesis. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. The previews. Yep. Theies of the thesis. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. The previews. Yep. The trailer of the thesis.

Yep. And it, I believe, has a name that we did not know of at the time. Oh, really? Oh, okay. Yeah. Do you want to have a guess of what the thesis of The Little Dumb Dumb Club is called? Is it bad? No.

It's something that's mentioned in our show. That's been like a catchphrase Is there a C-bomb in the title of this? No Damn It's not dumb cunts The story of these cunts The thesis

Yeah But I love the way that we're talking about a thesis Shows that we We think it's just like A biography Yeah yeah yeah I

I I don't know I don't know it's called prove it or prove it prove it okay yeah and i think it's which i find very funny which is born from a friend of the show milan's just catchphrase at live shows of just screaming that out for some reason yeah i don't even know why. Are we going to, when this thing comes out, do we do a dissection of it on the pod? When she's put it out? I think so. When she's handed it in?

Yeah, I think so. Because this is like, this is the ultimate like listener generated content. Can we do like a book signing, but it's a thesis signing? Yes. At the university bookshop? Yes. We print out some copies. Yeah.

And we, yes. Yeah. I love this. Yeah, great. I really love this. Okay. But I am. Can we, Till, can you let us know, can we do a book signing for this?

And we can just, I don't know if you're allowed to do this or you, we need, whether you want this to happen, but we'll sell copies of it for like, I don't know if you want to turn a profit on it. We don't. But. Whoa, whoa, hang on. No, sorry. We can just go to Officeworks and get some copies done and bind them up and spread the

word with your thesis. Yeah. Because what it is, is it's about the show, but it's about the fandom of the show. Yes. It's about the listenership. Yes. Which was a big part of the reason why she went to Samui was because that's kind of like

the ultimate sign of how devoted some of the people that listen to this show are to the show that they travel overseas for shows on a beach. So by people coming in

to get a copy of it, you're just reading about yourself in a way. Yeah. Yeah, I am. I'm very, I'm interested, fascinated, and I'll be honest, slightly scared to read this thing when it's out in the box. Yeah, yeah, interested, fascinated, and I'll be honest,

slightly scared to read this thing when it's out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Very interested. Anyway, let us know. This has been going on for a while. I'm interested to know when it's actually dropping. Yeah. Is it going to be Beyonce style,

where it's just all of a sudden we just find out right now, it's out, get to the bookshop now. This is the Chinese democracy of theses. Yeah, yeah. This is. There's been too much talk of avalanches on this show. And that's the way the thesis has gone. Yeah.

During 18 years, guys. Well, thanks, Matilda. Thanks, Matty. Thanks, Knowlesy. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Jason Den Hollander. Den? Den. Hollander.

Yeah. Hyphen? No. Okay. Den is obviously like, you know, Van Den something or whatever. Okay. Or Van something. Yeah.

It's a separate bit. So Jason. Den. Space. D-E-N. Space. Hollander. Right, right, right.

So what I like about that is it's obviously a Dutch name because you've got Den Hollander. But then, yeah, we get it. Put Holland in the name as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We get it. Yeah. Yeah. You're from the Netherlands.

We understand. Yeah. Change your first name to Cloggs. Cloggs Den Hollander. And we're starting to get the picture. Yep. Yep, I agree with all of that. Nice take.

Well, we've just had three real meals here to tuck into. In any other way, sure, I'd want to riff on this for fucking half an hour, but it's not going to get... We've really had all corners of the globe here. We had Finger, we had someone we actually know who's writing a thesis on us. You know, if, if, if Den Hollander has written

erotic, dumb, dumb fan fiction or whatever, then happy to talk about that. But, I don't know. I get it. It's like we've,

we've, we're at the restaurant, they've, they've brought out the fucking, they've brought out a pig with an apple in its mouth and then they've, they've brought out a fucking,

you know, huge birthday cake. Yep. They've brought out a fucking, you know, huge birthday cake. Yep. They've brought out a fucking, you know, roast lamb. Yep. And then they've brought out a fucking bread and butter. Exactly. Oh, yeah.

They'll do, yeah. Oh, yeah. Also, it's like we did the ep in the morning to give a bit of real world context. We did the ep in the morning. Then we went out for lunch. I had an absolutely fucking whopping chicken burger and my body is just crashing. I've got the mid-afternoon sleeps coming on big time. I've had a couple of days in a row of eating a bit too much. I'm feeling a real need for a run. We went to get a takeaway

sandwich from a little deli near me that's currently not doing dine-in yours came out before mine you ate yours in the street then i was like i'm gonna just eat mine at home got in the car we were driving past mackers and then i stopped at the front of mackers so that you could run in and get a burger and chips how was that burger by the way now because the reason we stopped was because we saw the sign yeah advertising their new cheesy burger range yes like fuck i really want to try them. Yes. And you inspired me by you saying, I want to have one of them.

I was like, I don't have a burger on me. I'm going to go and get one. Yeah. I'm having a, rightly or wrongly, I'm eating a lot. During, after lunch, I have a little window of eating. And then I don't tend to eat anything else outside of that. But yeah, I had a ham sandwich. I had a toasted sandwich. I toasted a ham sandwich thing

and then I had the cheesy burger which I wouldn't go in for again. It was okay. Did you have the beef one or the chicken one? Beef. Okay. Yeah.

So it's their new range where it's cheese in the patties? Is that what it is? Yeah. Cheese in the patties? Yeah. No. What is it then?

It's just a big hunk of fucking fried cheese oh okay additionally right like a normal burger but with like a mozzarella stick or something yes yeah okay yeah exactly that interesting yeah a big mozzarella patty oh yeah that actually sounds all right yeah it was okay but i'd already eaten a fucking big sandwich. So when I'm eating it, I wasn't enjoying it as much because I was thinking, I do not need to eat this at all. So it was almost too much. Having two meals back to back was almost too much.

It's starting to dawn on me. Okay, that's interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I might write a thesis on this. Yeah. No way of knowing unless you do it. Yeah, yeah. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I finally learned this yeah uh yeah so i'm not i'm not loving this at the moment i'm pretty keen

on a run tonight pretty keen on the idea of a run knocking some of this mozzarella out of my guts i reckon that'll happen i reckon something will be being knocked out on the road. No. I reckon we're in for round three of this. No, no, no, no, no. I'm going to be good. I'm a good boy now. That'll never happen again. All right. Thanks, Jason.

Thanks, Jason. All right. Well, I think we're both winding down. We're both sort of... This has taken a little while. Has it? Yeah. Too long?

Just a quickie to finish with then? Yeah. Very quick. All right. Well, I guess we just do one more. I guess I hit the big red button and we get into it. Let's do this quickly and get out of here. All right.

Oh, okay. I've hit it? Yep. The final Patreon subscriber for this week is... Oh, wow. I've hit it. Yep. The final Patreon subscriber for this week is... Oh, wow. Okay. It sort of alludes to one of the previous names. Oh, okay.

Just alludes to it. Yeah, it just reminds me. So it might be too subtle for me to pick up on it. No, no, no, no. Oh, okay. I think you probably will. I will get it. I mean, we've had four interesting names so far, haven't we?

We sure have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've had a lot of fun on here over the years, haven't we? We sure have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've had a lot of fun on here over the years, haven't we? It alludes to one of those. I mean, just think of the ones we've had so far. Geordie Trevison, Matt Finger, Till Knowles, Jason Denhollander. Yep. Now, this one is similar to one of those.

Similar to which one? Which one do you reckon? Well, I don't know. I don't have it in front of me. You're the one looking at the screen. Just if you were guessing, what would you guess it was similar to? I don't know. Till Knowles.

Is it that one or not? Yes. okay. Thank you to patron subscriber Jay Z Comedy. Oh, right. Because like Beyonce. Beyonce and like Knowles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right.

What do you think? Right. No? It certainly does allude to something. Oh, maybe it's not that one. Maybe I've misread that. Maybe it's a different one. Oh, yeah, yeah, you're right.

No, that wasn't right. Oh, okay. I misread that. You misread it. I misread it. Wow, okay. I've got to turn up the font size on the... I was going to say, are you jogging at the moment?

Because something stinks. Yeah, I can see it a lot more clearly now, hopefully. Is this like a magic eight ball where you've just got to shake it again because you didn't like the answer? No. This is the UTA. This is a professional setup. I don't want to get sued by the UTA for you insinuating unprofessionalism.

So it's, Danny, your bad eyesight. Yes. Yes. I had the font size your bad eyesight. Yes, yes. I had the font size too low. Right, right. Too low. I need to turn on fucking geriatric mode in the settings. Exactly. Now I see it clearly.

It's, I think I'm reading this properly. Okay. I think I'm reading this properly. You think? I actually didn't mind Jay-Z comedy. It wasn't the worst thing I've ever heard. Well, I mean, I've said that that's not a real person. No, I know.

I can't be thinking a person is not real. I know, you've really made a rod for your own ass. Yeah. Fuck, that must be nice. Oh, God. Just, I must be nice. Oh, God. Just, I don't know. Wow, those eyes. You need to get your eyes tested.

I'm the one who wears glasses. You should go in. Fading. Go in for it. Fading fast. That color blindness is spreading, morphing into actual blindness. The problem is, color blindness, I can't see black at the moment. That's what it's coming out as.

Yeah, right. The black on white, I just can't read it. Yeah, it just looks like we're all white at the moment, which is a bit of a worry. Thank you to Patreon subscriber... Do you want me to lean over your shoulder and see if I can read it on the screen? Yeah, that'd be great. Okay, thank you to Patreon subscriber Night Comedy.

He's donated $7 a month because that's like an L shape, like what the knife in chess can move as. You mean like Sir Comedy then? Sir Comedy, yes. Yeah, yeah. Sir Comedy. Thanks, everyone. Thanks for listening.

LittleDumbDumbClub.com. See you, mates.