The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 510 - Kyle Kinane & Nick Cody

Episode Date: July 8, 2020

We missed out on seeing him back in March, so we've got KYLE KINANE down the line from Oregon, and NICK CODY in Tommy's living room (for work purposes!) We hear about Kyle's fourth of July in lockdown, Tommy's last visit to the barber, Cody's trip to Oregon PLUS Blanket's visited her grandparents in Maryborough, and Kyle demolishes a cask of wine while we chat. Oh, and Cody hangs around for Talking Dum Dum, where we get some brutal news. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Nick, Cody and Kyle Kinane. We are doing another live Little Dumb Dumb Club over Zoom, Saturday, July the 18th at 8.30 Melbourne time. It's going to be heaps of fun. Are you excited, Carl? Absolutely. Of course, that's exclusive to watching it on Zoom.

It's not going to be an episode on the normal feed like this, so that's the only way you can participate and watch it. So get on that. We had so much fun last time. It was one of the best episodes we've done this year. Yeah, heaps of fun on that one. So check that out, littledumbdumbclub.com for tickets. We'll talk to you a little bit more at the end of the episode in Talking Dumb Dumb.

But until then, enjoy this episode with guests Nick Cody and Kyle Kinane. Hey, mate. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. And with me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Two very special guests joining us today. Please welcome back onto the show, Nick Cody and Kyle Kanai.

Yay! Yay! Oh, fellas. Thanks for joining us, Kyle, via satellite. Well, yeah. We're locked down in our respective countries. Man, you really have blown all of your good gear before we hit record. I know.

I ran out. I ran out. I ran out. I'm looking. I got 10 minutes. I got 10 minutes on the recorder going like, man, that was fun. You want to start recording? I'm like, yeah.

For people at home, Kyle was absolutely destroying for 10 minutes and we didn't record any of it. It was pretty good. He was showing us what he's got to get him through the podcast. He's got the cardboard handbag on the go. He's drinking straight out of the cask. He's got about, what, 10 tons of weed in that room.

I've moved from one legal weed state to another legal weed state. I moved from California to Oregon. Oh, you're in Oregon? Sick. Oh, is that where you are? It's the best. Oh, I'm just settling in i'm just settling into it is it is it so what's oregon like is it like like foresty and stuff is it like

really sort of in the outback it's just sec it's just sasquatch country it's it's a little misty and rainy and it's yeah and it's just it's like are you just old hippies and it's just like old hippies. If you stay in a city center, it's old hippies. If you move 10 minutes outside of any sort of populace, it's just white supremacists. Yeah, I was going to say, are you Unabombering it up in like a little cabin there? Are you working on your manifesto?

Unfortunately, the Klan members are far less elusive than sasquatch you see them right away at the store like oh look at you with your tattoos and your t-shirt letting everybody know what you're into well you were telling us uh just before we started recording that uh you were pretty keen to get stuck into cormac mccarthy's the road after this so we won't keep you for too long but um just to give you a bit of background about what's happening currently in melbourne where we are um the situation is that certain parts of melbourne are under lockdown so certain postcodes you're not allowed to leave that postcode um unless it's for work so uh nick cody on behalf of the little dumb five dollars for doing this episode this is an official business interaction. You are in my house, so this is a job for you.

I am meant to be in lockdown as told by the government. And I did worry on the train coming over today that if a cop asked me what I was doing for work, I'd have to say, I'm going to do a podcast. But you took a train. That's the least lockdown thing you do is be on public transportation. Oh, look, a tube of people who only know how to wet cough. I've got a mask.

I've got a mask. Yeah, you sent me a photo of you on the train. I was like, you drive. What are you doing? You have a car. My wife and son left. They'll be back. My wife and son left.

Uh-oh. They'll be back. My in-laws live about 50 minutes outside of Melbourne on a big property, and they went there last Monday, and the lockdown kicked in on Wednesday. So they're like, why the fuck would we come home? And I said, yeah, that's a great point. And so I've had the home to myself, and I'm on holidays at the minute. It's the best holiday I've ever had. It's just at home by myself.

Nothing will beat that. Yeah, I hate admitting that that was my last week because now we're dividing places between Oregon and LA and I went to LA to pick stuff up and I was just by myself in our apartment. Man, the places you could masturbate. Just some rooms you've been eyeing off the whole time with your partner around,

and now you finally have the freedom to stretch out. Yeah, this toaster oven has not seen my erection nearly enough when we were both here. Can I bring up a story about one of the last times I saw our friend Kyle Kinane in person? I always hate when this happens. No, it was great. It was in LA a few years ago.

My wife was coming in the next day and I was drinking at a dive bar. I forget the name of it, Kyle. You know, that one in West Hollywood. It was a real shitty bar. And I sent you a text saying, hey, I'm drinking and having wings. Come on down.

It was about 1pm. And we drank and ate shit food, shots and everything till about 8 o'clock at night and then kyle said hey man i've got a show later you want to come along i said yeah man which which night of the week and he said tonight we've got to go now and he'd been drinking for seven hours i thought you were comedians telling us before this that you don't want to do any Zoom gigs because it makes a

mockery of stand-up. Knock off a case before you go to work. Listen, what I choose to keep secret is my choice. I don't want to reveal what leads up to the show. I don't want to show the horrible

shirtless nude man behind the curtain. You don't worry about that. But then the next time I saw him, he said, bad news, man. I've got gout. I was like, how could that have possibly happened? You're back on my source. There's fruit in beer, isn't there? Yeah, I wasn't surprised by it.

I was just bummed out. All right, there's a difference. How is the gout going is it thriving in isolation honestly i i'm not gonna knock on wood i'm gonna i'm not gonna say i kicked it but i've been uh since since those halcyon days of eating wings uh i'm i'll still eat fish but i'm mostly vegetarian outside of eating some fish. No more land meat for your boy. I don't eat the land meat anymore.

And haven't had anything in about three or four years. Other than there's a few weeks ago where I was kind of hitting it hard booze-wise. And I was like, ah, man, we're walking in circles a little bit, trying to get to the car. Are we limping? Do we need to stretch out or is it the gout? But I think, I don't know, I think it was a little mix of both. Yeah, a couple extra glasses of water.

With your swollen foot. You kicked it a lot. Yeah. But we had a couple lifestyle changes that fixed that. I was like, well, it's like, well, you want to stop drinking as much or do you want to stop eating crap as much? I'm like, well, stop eating crap is easier for me because I don't romance food the way some people do.

So I'm like, oh, yeah, I can stop eating all this bullshit. I was never like – You don't romance food, unlike the six-hour Titanic reenactment you did with booze with Nick Cody. You got to establish boundaries for yourself when you get older. The booze isn't going anywhere,

so I guess I can cut out all this Taco Bell. I think I can make that balance. We know you don't romance food because you're in an empty room with box wine and edible weed chocolate. That's all you've got. Clearly not a foodie. What if I'm only a foodie and I've sacrificed every other pleasure in life for this raw lifestyle

so I can only afford to go to the finest restaurants? And then I come home to this lowly existence but i know i had like foie gras made by baby hands carl i was trying to schedule this with you for uh over the weekend which uh was hard to schedule because it was the you couldn't do it because it was the fourth of july weekend uh just passed in the united states what a a true patriot you are. So what did you get up to? What could have possibly been a better offer in quarantine, coronavirus, 4th of July America that Trump's doing a podcast?

Yeah, were you letting off fireworks inside? Well, you know what was fun is that everybody still lit off fireworks. There just weren't any American flags out. But people still were like, we're going to blow shit up. But we're not going to celebrate. It's like, we're still going to give gifts, but we're not putting up a Christmas tree. That's basically what happened.

We're still going to do the fun part, but the meaning of the holiday, that's going to go away. But in Oregon, it's legal. I don't know what is there a fireworks policy in australia what's what do you guys have any none yeah you can't have none yeah why just because your whole country lights on fire every five minutes that's how california is but now i'm in oregon where it's green and wet and you can buy the good stuff we have a weird thing over here where

like fireworks if they hit you in the eye we tend to sort of go that's bad you know like someone shoots a gun and it kills someone we say that's bad you guys don't tend to have either of those policies over there so I think they're sort of grouped together I understand about some of the policies but also we don't look directly at the fireworks, you fuckers.

Shappy duck style. Why hasn't this gone off? What is this? This is a tiny rocket? I better fucking telescope and see where it's going to go. Now, anytime you meet somebody that lost fingers lighting fireworks, they're not real proud about it, and they didn't go to the government saying we should regulate this like well i bought explosives

and then i lit the explosives and then i held on to the explosives and so if they lost further like yeah there is some element of america that's like i was up i was kind of an idiot when i did that so yeah it's never it's never it's never – That's my fault. It's never I've got nine fingers and I also went to Harvard. Never. No. No, that doesn't – that is not a Venn diagram. Those are two circles that never meet each other.

But so here it was legal and it was weird. I wasn't used to it being legal, so walking around the streets and everybody had them. And I was in California for a week. I came back, and Rachel's like, I spent $80. I gave some guy in a tent $80 for fireworks. I'm like, hell yeah. Fireworks are fun. I don't know if you realize that.

They're fun. Yeah, I don't know. Listen, we don't have fireworks, but if we did have fireworks, we'd buy them at a shop, not out of a tent, I would have thought. All right, listen, you guys can shit on America all you want about fireworks, but you also just play rugby. Yeah, you play rugby. Like, oh, well, yeah, if somebody gets kicked in the face,

well, that was an agreement you signed up for playing rugby. That's how we feel towards fireworks. In an area that is also very wet and not prone to lighting on fire. So I wouldn't trust Tent's fireworks guy because he's clearly burnt down his home and store. It's probably a link, yeah. No, you trust Tent's Fireworks guy more because he knows he's not going to sell them

out of a structure that could light on fire. That's a liability. I'm going to go to an abandoned parking lot, which there are plenty because of quarantine. Everything. The schools are shut down. You could set up shop in the parking lot of a high school right now

and sell fireworks out of a tent. You don't own your own building that sells fireworks. Yeah, you're right. I'm going to buy meat off the street from now on. I'm not going into any fancy butcher or anything. If there's a guy on the side of the street with a fucking handful of ham, I'll get it from him because I know that he could have burnt down his butcher. That makes more sense now.

I never thought talking to three Australians would turn me into being a Republican. Here we are where I'm arguing against government regulation and sometimes personal responsibility is just that. It's on you. Did you want fireworks? You know they're explosives. Then that's on you.

Did you want a handful of meat from a stranger that was only passed from palm to palm? Then if you get diarrhea, you go, I bought this diarrhea. That's what you say to yourself. You don't get mad about it. Kenny Powers. that's what you say to yourself you don't get mad about it well I my recent

movings have been I went and saw my parents so my parents live on a little farm like a couple of hours away and last week I went to see them because I have a child now I have a tiny little daughter you have a child? oh shit

finally he's come clean about the situation we all suspected and so my parents like live like miles and miles away hours away and so I haven't I hadn't brought my tiny little baby daughter to the to their farm to see like little lambs and chickens and stuff like that. And it's also a bit harder for my parents to see my child now because they find it hard to drive to Melbourne and stuff like that. So I decided we would go up there. But the thing is with my wife is that she hates the country. She hates the country and she sort of doesn't understand it. So she legitimately thought, and I've talked about this on't understand it. So she legitimately thought,

and I've talked about this on the show before, but she legitimately thought. You mean small towns too, by the way. Just so Carl doesn't think Australia in general. She hates the country. Oh, right. No, no, no. We call like small towns the country.

Yeah. Right, right. Yeah, I got that. Hopefully you didn't think she only likes the ocean. Yeah, I got that. Hopefully you didn't think she only likes the ocean. She's an extreme anti-patriot that is just walking around. Yeah, sorry, sorry.

So small towns. Spitting on government officials. She thought, there's like a town between Melbourne where we are in Meribah, my hometown, called Ballarat, and it's like 100,000 people or something like that. It's a proper city. And she thought, they have a little thing called Sovereign Hill, which is like an 1800s recreation sort of little theme park. And you see that on TV and on ads and stuff.

Those aren't lasting too long anywhere. Yeah. It's one of those boring educational theme parks that they trick you into going to when you're a little kid by calling it a theme park. And then you're there and you're like, oh, fuck, I'm learning. This sucks. Yeah, it's like gold rush time.

So you can go down and pan for gold in a little river. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just really shit aversion to everything else. No mention of how black people were treated. It's kind of a thing that's going on over here right now. I don't know if you know. Oh, you remember the 1800s it was fun people churned butter and also some other things yeah we have a weird gold rush theme park but anyway your country's

weird because you buy fireworks from a tent yeah yeah you're fucking loon so she she my wife but yeah my wife thought for a long time because she's very inner city. She grew up in inner suburbs and basically never left the city. So for a long time, she thought that that theme park was actually the town. Oh, my God. Outside of Melbourne. That's sick. Outside of Melbourne, she thinks nothing has developed.

Outside of a city, everything's like caveman time sort of thing. That's what she thought. It's like the movie The Village. yeah yeah yeah put on this frock don't talk with conjugation also thinking ballarat is sovereign hill is like thinking anaheim is disneyland yeah yeah yeah is that where the mighty ducks live yeah yeah yeah well i don't don't bring me to anaheim i don't have the fucking pest control problem is out of control oh you don't take a monorail to the grocery store that's not how it works imagine that yeah yeah um so we so she's got an innate she's got an innate hatred of like leaving the city and and doing anything like that so anything like that. So I really had to sort of bend her arm, even though I'm like at the end of the day, I had to go.

We have to bring our child to see, you know, its grandparents like and to see the farm and to basically educate the kids. So she doesn't grow up like you and thinking that everything outside of outside of there's no electricity outside of 15 kilometers outside of our house. So we went up there and we went to see my parents and my parents, my parents are lovely, but I sort of like, I guess they're pretty old school as well. And what my wife sort of doesn't really like is that you know how old school they are and it's sort of like i've always got to sort of convince my wife it's okay to go up there it's it's a nice place and my parents are fine and she's always sort of bucking against it but then it's man it's just gotten so much harder after this trip because like we went

up there and then the our child stayed in the next room and we had this lovely sleeping because it's all, you know, it's in the country so it's quiet and it's dark and everything. We slept in. And then when we woke up, my mum had, like, grabbed our baby and, like, was feeding it, had just taken it out of the cot and was feeding it. We woke up to see my mum feeding our child apple crumble at, like, 9am for breakfast.

And my wife's like, what the fuck is going on here i'm like oh yeah i i honestly don't know i don't know i don't know why they've chosen to do this so she's freaking out and i'm having to actually calm her down because you know my wife's very like our kid is like really well fed like lots of fruit and vegetables and you know really you know really well fed and she's sort of freaking out about that and i'm like i look it's fine it's fine and my wife's apple it's fruit yeah it's good for it start the day you have to explain that you were fed apple crumble as a child and you grew up into someone fuckable enough that your wife decided to have a child with you.

So inherently, this is a fine situation. It's an okay situation. Yeah, don't feed her whatever your wife had as a kid because your wife married you. So whatever her diet was, yucky. Yeah, yeah, right. And she believes the sun doesn't exist 50 miles outside of the city. Is your wife a flat earther? What's going on?

She's a flat Melburner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, she's, what's the Jim Carrey movie again? What's the? Dumb and Dumber. No. The Mask. Ace Ventura.

Ace Ventura. No. I don't think Drew Carey made any movies. What's the one When he's inside Inside the fucking TV show Truman Show Truman Show

Yeah yeah She's Truman Showing She just thinks There's nothing outside Of that fucking bubble I thought you said Drew Carey Instead of Jim Carey

Oh The price is right The price is right Yeah Chandler's wife The one who shall not be named She works for an International airline

And that makes sense now Because she just wants to go from city to city yeah no small towns i don't want to go near that shit yeah yeah that's everything's a flyover state for her yeah yeah what is a weird bus so is it weird watching your mum interact with your child and getting a bit of an insight into like this is what mum would have been like with me as a baby like did this just make you flash back to just being non-stop hypo when you were a young child because you're being fed fucking sugary desserts at the crack of dawn every morning yeah yeah look i i yeah a little bit like that because then at dinner then she was like you know, go on, have this ice cream.

We've never given our kid ice cream. Oh, man. And so then my. That's insane. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And my wife is like too, she's too polite. So she's just, instead of saying anything, she's just like shaking the table.

Yeah, real polite. Splinters digging under your fingernails. Blood coming out of her ear yeah yeah so i'm pat narswell oh sorry go ahead oh so no no that's that that's what i'm having to sort of deal with the whole time i'm sort of like everything is happening i'm having to sort of look at my mom and then look at my wife to see how it's registering with everyone the whole time and when to calm her down and stuff like that so then the next so that morning so we stayed there that night the morning she had our baby had apple crumble for

breakfast and then we're like okay well we planned we're gonna go out to like a little tiny little country bakery to have like an early lunch before we take off because like that's one of the best things about going to the countryside like a little old-fashioned bakeries and stuff like that so we went to this tiny little one outside of the farm like in a little place called Denali. Weirdly enough, it's owned by a listener of this show

that we don't know. But weirdly, this listener of our show has now got a relationship with my mum and dad even though I've never met the guy. So they go and see him every weekend and get pies from this fucking guy

every weekend. He's going to give them some bad news about their diet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How do they pay for those pies? Slice of apple crumble every time they come in. They're going to put caster sugar in every sausage roll from now on, I think, when they go in there.

I hope you guys listen this week, but it's not good. It's rough. So we've got to this stage where it's like, okay, I'm having to monitor everything my mum does in front of my wife, and we go to the bakery we like buy a bunch of like you know pies and pasties and sausage rolls and stuff and then we go to like this little park put them all on the on the table and we're all sort of eating it we're feeding uh my child had her first ever like little party pie which is cool because you know she can sort of like lift it up and by this time it's 12 o'clock you

know it's not at least it's not breakfast and she's not eating a fucking pie at breakfast. But this is like a meat pie, I mean, not like an apple pie. We haven't, you know, pushed on in that way. But there's so much like- I'm the guy with gout. You don't have to explain that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm just also sensing there's so much like stopping and explaining of regional dialect in this story for Kyle. So a party pie is like a small version of a meat pie. I've been there enough, and you're not going to get judgment out of me. Like, oh, so you fed your one-year-old child ribs at 6 a.m. Seems normal. Seems fine. Pork ribs or beef ribs?

We'll explain what celery and carrots are to you later, though, Kyle. That may be the thing. Yeah, it's what you throw out and you get wings. Sorry, we'll just talk while you pour your next glass of boxed wine, by the way, Kyle. My tower of Roman fighting juice is almost empty. Oh, my God. It's larger than your head.

Yeah, that's a big box. Which is saying a lot. Where would that box come on the Chandler mum feeding granddaughter scale? What time of day is that? 11 a.m.? I'd say 1 p.m. I'd say 1 p.m. That's too safe juice.

What if you got in a lunch cask for a one-year-old? 11 a.m. Yeah, I'd say 1 p.m. I'd say 1 p.m. That's too safe. No fruit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. What have you got in a lunch cask for a one-year-old? So we sit down to eat lunch and my baby has a little party pie, which is cool because she can pick it up by herself and she's managing something by herself. For a baby, it's like a regular-sized pie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Scale-wise.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's cool. So then after that but my mum's like encouraging the baby to have like tomato sauce with the pie

which I look I'm against tomato sauce with pies anyway but that's ketchup yeah yeah

and when I say meat that's like beef from a cow like an animal I honestly feel just like your child right now the way you're where you're from oh tomatoes sauce from the vegetable tomato yeah oh okay good thank i

wasn't able to put that together myself with my brain. You fucking jerks. We call this a podcaster-y do down here, Kyle. You want me to talk at the box that talks back to me? Okay. Fucking jagoffs. My baby's eating this fucking little pie and then my mum has got a big tablespoon full of tomato sauce and is going, go on, dip it in the...

Trying to get my baby to dip the pie in the sauce, in a spoonful of sauce, and I'm like, just forget about it. Like a pie's fine. You don't need to give any more sugary stuff to her. It's fine. Great. Her first pie going, jeez, this is a bit bland. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah exactly

exactly having a pie is enough for a fucking baby that's never seen a pie before so um anyway so she's like they're going go on go on i'm like not mom forget about it and then so the baby finishes the pie and then mom pulls out of course out of the handbag she's bought like a vanilla slice which is like a really sugary treat like a really really sugary – what do you even call it? It's like pastry, custard, and then like, yeah, just like a sugar thing on top, like a cake topping almost. A lot of sugar. It's 12 p.m. by this point, too late in the day.

Too late in the day for something like that. Yeah, exactly. It's too late in the day for a sweet treat? No, well, on Chandler's mum's scale, you know, it's like past midday. This is a, you know. It's more of an 8am dessert. So then my mum's like, you know, come on, let her have some of that. And I'm like, mum, I don't want her to have any of that.

And then my mum gives the tomato sauce filled spoon to my wife and goes, look, lick that clean'll we'll put that in the vanilla slice and she gives my wife a big spoonful of tomato sauce and goes just put that in your mouth and like eat that and so you'll clean it and then my wife just loses her fucking mind and goes oh i've got to go for a walk for a second i'm just gonna go take off for a second i'm like mom you can't fucking do that and it's so I kind of think it's that peak embarrassment

that stage I'm like right okay we've got to get out of here that's the end of it I said look baby's not going to eat any more sugar let's just clean everything up

and we'll go and my wife's sort of freaking out at that point all of your wife's thoughts about the country being absolutely confirmed by this interview I need to get back to this city where we do cocaine

from unregistered sources. Not having this woman air applying a condiment to me. Yeah, that's what I love. I love stories about people like, can you believe my mom tried to feed my kid ketchup? Anyway, I thought I was doing blow, but it turned out to be smack what a night like i love i love like the like the separation of what we decide is good for the kids but then we forget how we've run our own lives yeah i had to google how do i shelve mdma mom no treats DMA mom. No treats. So do I snort this or I swallow it?

I mean, which, which, which makes me happier faster. That's what I want to know. How dare you try to give my child a key bump of brown, of brown whole grain mustard with his, with his,

with his lamb, with his lamb cake or whatever the fuck you're serving your children in the countryside out there. I don't know. Get off it, Carl. Lamb cake sounds good. Your kid's fine. Your kid's fine. So my plan is to get out of there.

It's like, okay, that's enough. My wife's fucking lost it. I'm going to close this window. I'm yelling about close this window. I'm yelling about heroin in front of new names. So we clean up the entire table. My dad grabs everything, puts in the bin or whatever. Puts in the trash.

Sorry, Kyle. And then... What's your dad doing while all this is going on with your mum? Is he partaking or is he just sort of sitting back like he's seen it all yeah he's he's checked out he's seen 40 years of this 45 years of this or something so it's fine so then he he just comes into it in the last second cleans everything off the table we've cleaned the picnic table thing we're about to go home we everyone checks their keys for the wallet and everything yeah we got everything we got everything and then my mom goes hey where's that tissue that was on the table before? My dad's like, well, you just saw me.

I just cleaned everything off. And then my mum says, oh, well, my teeth were in that. Oh, my God. So then... Oh, my God. So then I'm thinking... Oh, fuck it, man.

We just sat through 20 minutes of your fucking baby being fed ketchup for that punchline. No, no, listen. That was the story. You just told the whole story in 10 seconds. Listen. Can you believe my baby almost ate ketchup? Yeah.

I'm thinking that's the bad part of the story. That's the bit that's embarrassing me in front of my wife. I'm thinking that's the bad part of the story. That's the bit that's embarrassing me in front of my wife. Cut to five, ten seconds later, my dad with his arm in the trash can up to his shoulder going, I think I can feel them. I think I've got them. Oh, no. And him fishing a pair of false teeth out for my mum and going,

I don't think I've got anything on them. I think they're okay. And me going, fucking hell. What? Those aren't, teeth aren't teeth aren't yeah yeah i know i know so then yeah it's like here's your teeth mum like fucking hell so then oh bin mouth mum yeah yeah so yeah ibis i think i should have cut it off and just said to my wife yeah that, that's fine. It's all Sovereign Hill. Let's never, like, just accept that as the truth.

Just got to start telling your child that one set of grandparents died before she was born. That's why she's never met them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'll be the last time you saw your grandparents. You know how you have diabetes? That's why. That's your legacy from your grandparents.

All I've taken from this is that these meat pies are apparently very soft yeah yeah man they're nice they are nice you could just gum your way through them toddler to senior marry a tooth could be seen to enjoy this this bakery you went. And that's a selling point. Did your mum put them back in? No, not as we were there. I mean, we drove away way too quickly. We didn't look. We didn't look back.

It was like we were worried about being turned into a pillar of salt. We just didn't look back and fucked off. Yeah. Also, it doesn't blow my mind that the woman who has cake at 6am's teeth have fallen out. Yeah, your mum's 33. These things just get in the way. Yeah, they stop the fun.

Oh man, that's brutal. So your wife now just never going back to Maryborough again? Just off it? Well, I mean, we technically have to, but it was an interesting drive home in the car because usually if she's got an argument with me, I'm like, no, I think I've got a better point to that. I think I can hold up my end of the argument with this.

But the whole way home was her making point to me going, yes, I agree. You can't come back from that. You can't come back from the events of that. No defence. No defence at all. I agree you can't come back from that you can't come back from the events of that no defense yeah but meeting the parents and being in the home turf that's a whole other world of defense

did you grow up there? yeah so you're from that space too so you kind of understand the operation you understand how people are out there. That's it. Yeah, I was there from zero to 18. Are any of y'all from Melbourne proper?

Are you guys from the outskirts? Suburbs. Yeah, I'm suburbs. You're way out. But Tommy, you're sort of more inner. I'm probably pretty inner, yeah. Like a suburb that's like 15, 20 minutes from the city. I'm not that far.

I'm only 35. 35's not bad. Oh, 35 is nearly not saying it's not bad. That's about where I was. Yeah, so Kyle, you're in Oregon. Cody, you've stayed. You stayed there for a while? I worked at a summer camp in Oregon when I was 19,

just outside of Salem, the capital. Salem, is that where Days of Our Lives is? No, I think that's the other Salem. There's a Salem on the east coast as well. Salem, the capital. Salem, is that where Days of Our Lives is? No, I think that's the other Salem. There's a Salem on the east coast as well. Salem, Massachusetts. Maine. Weirdly enough, Maine and Oregon share the same city names. Portland, Salem, Medford.

They're all, for some reason, whoever settled northeastern United States, also, for some reason reason northwestern United States. I don't know the history of why. Well, when they named them, they probably thought the other place is fucking ages away. They'll never catch on. They've just stolen their names.

There's no way information will ever spread that quickly. Last time I was in Oregon a couple of years ago, weed was legal. I'm not a weed man. I love a beer, but never got into weed. I went to a weed store, as Kyle's clearly been to. He went not a weed man. I love a beer but never got into weed. I went to a weed store as Kyle's clearly been to. He went to a weed tent.

Sorry. I went to a solid structure weed store and grabbed some weed and the guy the guy there said you should go and check out there's like a science thing there like science works here in Melbourne and you can go. Like a school some sort of educational educational yeah like an educational science part i don't know what

it's called in portland but on a saturday night it's just for adults so you can drink in there people smoke weed i was like fuck yeah what it's like a planetarium and it's like educational sciencey type thing so i went along you can try and put put new things in your head as you're actually killing brain cells yeah yeah as i I'm trying to remember who I am. Immediately delete them. As I'm trying to figure out why are my feet attached to me. There's a guy there to answer that.

There's someone there to answer that question. There's one guy that specifically answers the question have you ever really looked at your hand? One guy says you're st stone and the other guy tells you the physiology of how the tendons are connected to muscles and how blood flows to the tendons and the muscles yeah i thought i was the most fucked up person in there until there was

a there was like a virtual reality section and i it was me in line and there was a guy with the virtual reality headset on and he was screaming like, and he turned around and just screamed like it's the scariest thing he's ever been in and I'm waiting going, fuck, I do not know what this guy's looking at. It is going to be hectic. He puts the thing down. He's all shaky and teary.

I put the headset on and it was just a virtual reality tour of the Jack Daniels distillery. It's just barrels of salad. And that guy's name was Jim Beam. You weren't tempted to go up to him and get the backstory? Like, what? What's triggered you about this?

Like, what's your issue? You know when you're fucked up and you see something happens that sobers you up? Like, I remember once leaving a pub in Melbourne and just being so drunk, and then I saw somebody get hit by a taxi, and I immediately just went, all the booze is out of my system.

Seeing that guy freak out and then just figuring out what he was looking at, all the weed went away. I was like, I'm fine. I'm good to go. Last weekend I was out, went up to do some uh bike riding up in the mountains and was camping with a friend and just you know just ate whatever mushrooms you got on hand because he got mushrooms laying around you know guys and uh all right we're

crawling through the fact that we're in the mountains and a cloud had come up around us and it was a previously burned area so the trees just resembled upright whale skeletons because they were burnt and the branches were hanging around and it was just full full-on creepy territory but we're just trouncing through it alice in wonderland style and all of a sudden we heard just enough stuff move in the bushes that was like larger than a squirrel like and right away we're like oh man there's bears here and both of us were like

hmm I guess we should go back to the car like ah man remember how we were just having so much fun until we remembered Apex Predators? I guess we've got to go back to the car. They're probably who ate the meat off all of these vertical whales.

I'll show you. It was, you know, mushrooms make you see things that you want to see. But I can only imagine, like, all this stuff. All my hobbies are white trash. I like all my hobbies. I hate the people that also like my hobbies. Like I love Jeeps and off roading, but I don't want to be part of these like right wing Republican gun toad. Fuck yeah.

Survival is like I don't want to be a part of any of that. But I like all these off roadroading blogs and, like, the Australian guys, they always have tents on top of their cars. It's like, why don't you guys ever camp on the ground? It's like, you ever hear of crocodiles? Oh, fuck that. Oh, yeah, that's right. You can't camp on the ground in Australia.

Yeah. Saving a camp on the roof of your car. Takes a lot more sense. Yeah. You talk about that like uh seeing it's someone get hit by a taxi and that sobers you up i had a friend that used to uh subscribe to this philosophy that if he'd been drinking a bit and then like he saw like a cop up ahead that we're gonna do like random breath tests or anything he legitimately thought um he had this

in his head it was like some weird old wives tale if you're going towards you're going to get pulled over and do a breath test before you get in there if you piss in your pants that gets rid of the majority of alcohol in your system so he would do that and it's like fuck that's such an amazing story for whoever told him that whoever's pulled that off that's whoever's pulled that off and he's bought it, it's like most pranks, he's never going to see the end result of what he's done, but he just knows that somewhere out there

there's a guy who's fucked his whole life. Until he gets a lift with him and the car smells like piss and he's like, yeah, he's falling for this. But not only is this guy pissing himself just before he talks to cops all the time, he's then passing it on to people like me, who, as he tells me, and he's going, you know, you just piss yourself before you have a breath test.

No, that guy's not out of prison. That guy's not telling anybody. He's in jail with wet hands. He's pissing himself, and he's also saying it to people and realizing halfway through the sentence that this doesn't work at all. As he's watching me start to laugh halfway through the little handy tip, he's like, ah, fuck.

The idea of being in a car and pissing your pants and thinking, I'm a master criminal. I've pulled one over the boys in blue on this one. There's no way I can be drunk. Look at how much I just peed. Yeah, yeah. Have you touched my pants? I'm not drunk.

We're talking a little bit before about quarantine and everything. The one thing that I've had to come to terms with the fact that I'm never personally going to see again, Kyle, on the other end of this when things do reopen a bit more here in Melbourne, is the inside of a hairdresser.

As a balding man, I bit the bullet and I bought clippers when lockdown started because I couldn't go to the hairdresser anymore. And I'm never going to go again to an actual bricks and mortar hairdresser. And I'm going to miss it. Tent? Pardon? Tent? Tent? Tent.

I like how you guys are so opposed to tent-based businesses. No, no, this guy is great. You meet him, you lie down on the ground, he runs a lawnmower over your head. Charlie, having known your hairline for almost a decade at this point, I'm surprised you were still going to a barber yeah yeah it was a big well i'm sorry but i'm sorry hairdresser we call them barbers here

oh yeah we were mystified by that term but thanks for clearing it up oh i just sat through nine different explanations about what you call fucking ketchup like i couldn't figure out tomato sauce uh so yeah this barber that i would go to was in was in a very like colorful stretch of a street where there would often be like a lot of just crazy homeless people that would just drift in and out while you were sitting there in the chair so it's kind of tempting to want to keep going back because it was always just like a lot of fun like the last haircut i got there um in march i'm sitting there and this like big like burly guy comes barging in and there's only ever two guys that work there he like comes in and he goes remember what i told you boys remember what

i told you earlier remember what i told you and they're like yeah we remember and he's like when this grows again i'll pay you to cut it and they're like yep that's we remember. And he's like, when this grows again, I'll pay you to cut it. And they're like, yep, that's how it works. Remember what I told you when it's grown? I'll pay you to cut it. And they're like, yeah, yep. No, no, we're familiar with how this works. Yep.

And he goes, I'll pay you. I'll pay you $100. I'll pay you $100 to cut it. And they're like, that's way too much. But yep, no, we've gotten this information. We've gotten this information. And then he goes, and you remember the other thing I told you? Oh, no.

And they're like, yeah, yeah, we remember. He goes, remember the other thing I told you? Don't forget, I know Steven Spielberg. Great. And then he's just out the door and off So I don't know, Carl, you're a Hollywood native You ever seen this guy rubbing shoulders with the great Spielberg? Do you get your hair cut at the same hairdresser's Jeff Katzenberg?

And the homeless guy hopped on his bike and rode over the moon No wonder he's homeless, he's spending a hundred bucks per haircut road over the moon. No wonder he's homeless if he's spending a hundred bucks per haircut. But it's the guy that comes in going, first off, remember what I told you?

I'm Steven Spielberg. Now, I will pay you a hundred dollars. Yeah, I'm really going to miss it. I'm really going to miss it. I just need to sit out

in the park with my battery charge up my razor and just like go to a fucked park somewhere and just get the same experience. to miss it. I'm really going to miss it. I just need to sit out in the park with my battery charge up my razor and just like go to a fucked park somewhere and just get the same experience. I also love that you think the only way to see homeless people is to go get a haircut. Like now that my hair's gone, the homelessness crisis is cured.

I'm never going to see anything funny again. I have to walk through a larger self-made community of homeless people to get to my house than exists with proper structures in la so i don't know it's like oh you guys are just gonna have this part of the city all right now i hate carl what are your what are your neighbors like there in oregon and they're pretty chilled out yeah we're just in the i'm just in the burbs man because like the there's a lady over there she's got a dog that barks a bit much and then so we met her and now i learned the dog's name so now i can call the dog by its name and say hey stop barking and that's all i want that's what I was going to ask you guys. Have you, like, I am totally fine with this whole quarantine thing.

There's no part of me like, you know what? As an artist, I just need to do some shows because people need to laugh. Even if it means I have to make some money because I overspent earlier because I miscalculated the trajectory of my career. And I value my fans less than you think I might. So you guys should cram in close together because I really thought my bullshit was going to pay for this house more than it would. Like, no, none of that at all. I am so fine with isolation i my only social life was doing comedy like if i had a night where i wasn't doing a show i wasn't gonna go out like like my social life like oh i got a show tonight i'm gonna see my

friends at that show i live in a city where all my friends live in and whoever's gonna be on that lineup is gonna going to be people I want to hang out with. You're not red carpet Kyle. You're not going to events. Oh my god. All my highfalutin paparazzi targeting.

It's all over. No wonder you feel like you don't need a social life outside of comedy when you're drinking for eight hours before every show you do. Listen, all I'm doing is filling my brain full of the friends that I want. Listen, no peer group has ever matched five glasses of red wine and just sitting in the yard looking at a fire pit. That's all the congregating I've ever wanted in my mind. I just realized I am a lot more bogus slash white trash

than I ever thought I was. I knew I had a bit in me, but I'm having a year off booze, so I'm seven months in at the minute, and I've only been tempted for for drinks twice and the second time was seeing you pour box wine into a glass fuck yeah i miss booze come on january one jesus christ that is bogan oh this fucking hillbilly from the other side of the world pouring pouring stepped on grapes out of a fucking shipping box is the only time I get tempted to drink. I just saw his TV on the floor and I thought, that's the man I want to be.

Listen, recalibrate your heroes, Cody. recalibrate your heroes, Cody. Well, yeah, speaking of just kind of chilling out during quarantine and stuff, I've been, like a lot of people, been spending a lot of time just kind of hanging out with my girlfriend, watching movies and docos and stuff of that nature. I like that.

Like a lot of people, I've been hanging out with my girlfriend. Yeah. Has a lot of people been hanging out with your girlfriend? She is not taking this thing seriously at all. That trip over to the Ozarks the other week was beyond the pale, I have to say. Really taking the piss. You're all familiar with the Bechdel test.

It's a thing that you can apply to a piece of media and it's basically a test that there needs to be at least two female characters in the movie or whatever it is that have a conversation about something that's not one of the men in the film. Okay. So if the only female characters are talking about men in the film, it doesn't pass the Bechdel test.

Right. So I was watching a documentary with my girlfriend the other day and it had been all white men in the documentary so far and my girlfriend turns to me and she goes, you know, this documentary doesn't pass the Bechamel test. Bechamel? That's white sauce, hun. It's not white man, it's white sauce.

You're thinking of lasagna. Core component of lasagna. You're watching MasterChef. Let's call this one a wash. Let's just not tell anybody about this moment. Does this film feature two women talking to each other about lasagna? No, it does not. Fails the Bechamel test.

Let's turn off Garfield right now. To try and make a big political point and fuck up the word is never good. No, never, never, never good. I don't know if she was being serious or if she was trying to take the piss or what. What about this big news? was being serious or if she was trying to take the piss or or what but uh you know what about this big news so big news for our podcast um uh kyle and and nick is that we were talking a few weeks ago about um the idea of uh like we sell a lot of merch and when you have to sell merch and do it by hand you've got to put like a return address and so i'm always like scared of putting

my house return address because i don't want people to know where i live a lot of people know my phone number and i get enough fucking grief from that so i don't want people to know where i live a lot of people know my phone number and i get enough fucking grief from that so i don't need them to know where i always used to i don't know if you've sent merch out like that carl but i always just put fake addresses yeah i put fucking wayne enterprise and stuff on there like yes but like if you got if you have anybody manager account anybody that's the address that goes on it yes but we don't have any of those things We don't have any I don't know what about us

Didn't register with you Put your parents house in the fucking countryside Nobody's going to go out there to track them down Put the guy in the tent down the park Don't worry, Carl Manager and agent means the same thing here They just don't have them That's just two things we don't have

It's not a lost in translation thing. Well, they'll put your mom's address on it and they can just drive out to wherever the fuck it was and ask for spoonfuls of tomato sauce. Yeah, yeah. Drop it near the bin with the teeth in it and we'll kill it. Goddamn bin took a bite out of me. Put the address of the bakery on it.

Your parents will get it. They'll know. They'll be like, is this for your son? We know. We're fans. They'll give it over to him. The crucial mistake with the way you do it, Cody, is if it gets lost, and this stuff does get lost in the mail,

it gets returned to that address. Then you're fucked. Bruce Wayne's got all my gear. Batman's got a lot of stubby holders all of a sudden. So, but I did a really dumb thing a while back where I was like, I won't put my address, I'll put my next door neighbour's address. And now, so if anything's been returned,

it's gone to my next door neighbour. And my next door neighbour is a guy that just watches porn with the windows open and he's a very suspect character character he's a real weirdo so i'm like well that's not the perfect i don't want to knock on his door and ask for anything out of this fucking house to be honest so we were talking about we just watching him watch porn and go hey that's one of our hoodies he's mopping the come up he's just wearing one of our burger shirts and just cranking us yeah great extra mayo on that

burger thank you so we we've we finally uh bit the bullet the other day and so we now have a po box uh so that we can put that as the return address but now because we've got fucking crazy listeners that are always fucking with us and and you know they know my phone number and they've signed me up for fucking everything so now we get to sort of actually put it out on the show okay you know what do your worst this isn't our address anymore we've got a random post box at a post office if you want to fuck with us go with it go for it because it's not going to harm my house you can't you can't send me a bomb and blow up my house anymore you're gonna blow up a post office you fucking go for it oh my god i think it might be a crime to advocate that on the show.

No, no, this is still a bad idea. So we now officially have a post box. Now the aim was to get something. Filled with bomb threats. The aim was to get PO Box 69 because that's cool, man. I don't know if you have 69ing in America. No, can you explain what 69 means in Australia? Can you explain what that means to me?

It's really caught on. It's 96 in America. It's like the toilets. It's like the toilet going the other way. Your tops are our bottoms. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yes. So we tried our best to get that.

Your beeves are our cranks. We tried our best to get that. Your beeves are our cranks. We tried our best to get that. Now, the closest I could get to having P.O. Box 69 is P.O. Box 6063. So I figured that works. That's so far off. That's almost 6,000 off. But zero means nothing. So let's go six.

This is the algebra behind it. Yeah, yeah. Zero, six, three. Zero means nothing. Strike that out. Six plus three. This is the algebra behind the huge oral copulation joke. Yeah, the brackets are silent in our PO box.

Yeah, the brackets are silent in our PO box. If you want to mail anything to us, feel free to go 6, 0 meaning nothing, and then put brackets 6, little plus 3. You deserve every horrible thing that's ever happened. You sound like the people trying to link COVID to Bill Gates by saying the letters are numbers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It all adds up.

2020. I'm a 69er conspiracy theorist. I look forward to only getting mail from a beautiful mind. I will only eat a pussy and have my dick sucked on a flat earth. I hope you get just bags of turds. I hate everything you're telling me right now. Man, I wonder if the guy that's got the P.O. Box 69, if it's worth a lot, like someone with the license plate one.

Yeah, yeah. He's trying to sell it online. Yeah, people buying up domain names before the thing got famous. So he's like, you know what? I reckon one day 69ing is going to be funny. I'm going to snap up everything I can get. I want much more whoever the Ted Kaczynski, he's a psycho from America.

You might have a couple of them in there. Who is going through the algebraic equations of what could be 69 and then still going, I want to meet the person who went algebraic 69. It's Carl Chandler. He's known as the geek bomber. This is how you meet your real wife, by the way. This is how you meet a real wife. I went through so many suburbs trying to find anything that had a 69 in it.

People have done it way before me. people have stripped the city of melbourne bear of po boxes with 69 within the within the number that's unbelievable yeah because i went to mine somebody else capitalized on that juvenile bit before before you in the year 2020 i went to mine and they would i was like what numbers do you have available and they're like we can't say we can't release that information and she was like, what numbers do you have available? And they're like, we can't say. We can't release that information. And she was like, why? What number are you looking for? I'm like, oh, you know, just if you can't tell me,

I guess there's no reason me telling you. I don't want to really admit it in a crowded post office. For 2069, bros. So I'm amazed that you were able to get this information because they would not give it over to me. Well, I had a person in the know. That person is called Google. It is is absolutely accessible the first thing you look for online so yeah i don't know why this guy's keeping it a secret when ask jeeves has fucking

got it up his sleeve yeah fuck how much mail do you reckon the po69 box just opens the box and it's just a letter saying you legend you beat me to it oh yeah yeah let's just send them yeah let's mail them and try and buy off yeah right how much do you want yeah yeah handwritten skeet skeet skeet so folded properly folded letter style yeah officially the address the official address of the little dum-dum club from this moment henceforth is uh p.o box i couldn't get a locked bag i wanted a locked bag, but it's PO Box 6. Did you look in Crow's Nest as well? Yeah, I did.

I did. 6, PO Box 6063, Hawthorne West, 3122. So that's the official postal address of Little Dum Dum Club. Do your worst. Try not to blow up the Hawthorne West post office. Try not to get us in too much trouble. Push the boundaries if you want, but nothing too bad. Well, what do we need?

Are there any things we need that we can request? Some new teeth for your mum. If anyone wants to send us some dentures. Yes. Some teeth. A couple of spoons full of ketchup. Yep. Soft pies.

Do you think that's how you meet your next wife, Carla? Is you reaching into a bin for your mum's teeth and another girl doing it? What are you looking for? My mum's teeth? Me too. Yeah, lady in the tramp style. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. It's much more tramp in the tramp style.

Tramp in the tramp. Let's not be loose with the word lady. Hobo in the tramp. All right, guys. Tarnished to used the word lady. Get the pens and paper out. Can't wait to see what comes. Tumbling out of the P.O. box in a week or so.

Absolutely. Yeah. Carl, you've got a special coming out. You've got an album coming out. What? Yeah, I've got some dog shit I'm floating out there. Nice. Yeah, and what's it called?

You know what's great? It's promoting stuff. You know what feels good and heartwarming? Promoting. Comforting to the soul is promoting your bullshit. Think of it as a little

reward of listening to my mum lose her teeth in a bin and my dad being shoulder deep in a garbage can. I am literally three and a half years away from losing teeth. Like legit false teeth. And I look forward to the fact that my teeth can just be a pocketable commodity. So your special... Cheese wallet teeth.

Your special is... I got an album. It's called Trampoline in a Ditch. Great name. Because I read that on a police scanner Twitter account, and I thought it was beautiful. And that comes out... Do you guys...

Wait, can you guys... Here's a true question. Can you guys access police scanners? I don't think we can. I'm sure there's a way, but it's not like a commonly... You hear people talk about in movies and stuff from America, there's always like someone can very easily get access to that stuff.

No, you can just do that here. You can just tune into the frequency that the police are using. And there's a Twitter account called Sheboygan Scanner. Sheboygan is a city in Wisconsin, like just a not-anything kind of town. Just Midwest, middle of nowhere. And they report what they hear on the police scanner very bluntly. They don't dress it up or anything. And so all the tweets are just like, cow and road.

Man ODs in front of Chuck E. Cheese. They're just very straightforward. I was going to say, I think yours is more exciting than ours because I don't think anyone tries to creep into police scanners here because it's just full of like someone's doing a donut in a Woolworths car park. That's about it. That's what this one is, and that's why it's great. They just report the mundanity of it.

Like, without dressing it up, it's just like, this is what we're hearing in Sheboygan, Wisconsin, and we're putting it on Twitter. Trampoline in a ditch, is that like somebody that digs a hole before they put an above-ground pool in there? Are they trying to look a bit highfalutin with their in-ground trampoline oh yeah ergo the poetry i found in it because it was just reported like the address and like trampoline in a ditch i'm in my i'm sure like a trampoline got blown away by high winds into a ditch

but the way i thought of it was like, oh man, trampolines only exist so you can kind of like jump on them and get perspective higher up from what you normally would. But then the trampoline's in a ditch, so if you're jumping on it in a ditch, you're still only getting to see this. Like you're trying your hardest

and you still only get to see the same shit everybody else gets to see. getting to see this. You're trying your hardest and you still only get to see the same shit everybody else gets to see. It had such a magical, poetic power to it that I just wrote it down

three or four years ago thinking at some point I'll name something. I don't have a joke about it but at some point I'm going to name something trampoline. Did you think of this on your walk through whalebone forest? That really does sound like a mushroom idea. No whalebone forest!

Listen you guys are, I mean as much as you're my friends you're like a bunch of dickheads. You can be both. No I listen I exist in that duality as well. But once in a while we're all you, you know, just kind of just dudes.

We're all just fucking shithead dudes, you know. But then you hear something, you're like, I think that might be poetry, but I don't know who I can ask about if it is or not, because I have to be this dude. So you just write it down as a sentence, and then you just leave it there for a while and you live with it for a little bit and you're like you know what trampoline in a ditch that's some poetry and if you don't think it is you can uh you can suck my whole asshole

my favorite poets always drink box wine and that's the name of the album. Yeah, old fucking Jimmy Jack Boxwine thinks the name Trampoline and Ditch is some poetry. Jimmy Jack Boxwine. So E.E. Cummings can suck my dick if you think Jimmy Jack Boxwine sounds like a great fighter from the 20s. Listen, I operate in the land of prose. By the way, if you need to see the mathematics of pros. Great, great. By the way, if you need to see the mathematics of boxing wine.

Oh, fuck yeah. How many? Oh, is that four bottles? Four bottles in that box. Allegedly. Look into it. There he is. The flat earth finally comes out.

Somebody just drank four bottles of wine in two nights. So that album's out now or it's about to's out like now or it's about to come out? I think it's about to come out. July 24th is the full. Nice. Nice. We'll check that out. We'd better wrap it up for another week on the Little Dum Dum Club.

Oh, Nick Cody, you've got a podcast. You better plug quick. Oh, yeah. It's called Mid-Flight Brawl. Myself and Luke Heggy. It's just each week we cover a different sky fight incident. Yeah. Yeah. Bogan's on fight incident. Bogans on planes. Bogans on planes. They love

kicking off. It's even rich people too. Oh, like sky fight is a legit... Well, there's so many air rage incidents. Each week we just cover a different one. That's where I was like, oh, that's an Australian term, sky fight. Oh no, it's a legit people fighting each other on airplanes.

Yeah, air assault. There's a lot of it. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Yeah, you throw some hillbilly in a tube that they're not used to after letting them drink a bunch beforehand, they're going to react. Yeah. Matt, you think hillbillies are the worst side,

but it's rich people that we've come across so far have been pretty fucking bad. A guy sitting in first class shit on the drinks cart, and then he smeared shit all over the first class cabin and then just went to sleep. Hillbilly and wealthy are not mutually exclusive. No. You can give any

person a lot of money. That's the weirdness of money. And then they're still like, I'm still a fucking idiot, and now I have enough money to buy my way out of being an idiot. Alright, we better wrap it up for another week. everyone check out

Trampoline in a Ditch on July 24 Kyle thanks very much for joining us you bet I miss you guys I'm sorry I didn't get to see you this year

yeah bummer hopefully see you soon guys thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time see ya mates and they've done it again oh my goodness have they ever Dear mates. And they've done it again.

Oh, my goodness. Have they ever? They did it again. And they did it so good, again, that we couldn't even get rid of all of our guests. Well, before we get into that, I want to ask you. Right, right. What's Bernie got to say about it? Well, why don't we welcome in our guest that's hung around to,

because he's well versed in the, the football code that we're talking about. Okay. With Bernie. So Nick Cody's still here. Oh, Bernie scored a try. I'm from Queensland.

Classic Queensland. You big old Queenslander. Queenslander. You can take Queenslander out of the boy, but... It's just Nick Banana Bender Cody. That's it. That's the old fucking Gold Coast boy himself. Thanks for hanging around, Nick Cody.

I don't think there's an option. I think there's the army out the front. I don't think I'm going anywhere. We all live here now, like a sitcom. We're recording this as there's about to potentially be breaking news about the state of lockdown in the state of Victoria and Melbourne City. So got to get our jollies where we can. That's it.

And we're in Tommy's house. We're in his flat at the top of his commissioned flat apartment building. So we've just eaten a few stale bananas for dinner. Sorry, I polished off all the leftover expired curry last night couldn't offer you guys any me and the 18 children I have

are fucking hating it in here I feel bad because there's a lot of people in those towers from overseas who are going to realise what shitty food

Australians eat for meals like Dan Andrews is going we've dropped them off breakfast we're dropping them bread. And like there'd be people

from countries with incredible cuisine and they're like, what the fuck is this white bread shit? They just got no... Yeah, right, right. This is so garbage.

How do they live? Sorry to overseas people, bit of local, but that's what we're going through at the moment. You'll figure it out. Look it up. Educate yourselves, guys. A-Cab. at the moment. You'll figure it out. Look it up. Educate yourselves, guys.

Yeah. Google Melbourne. Things are going crazy everywhere. Can 2020 just end already? Can it get in the bin? And now Kanye wants to be president. Come on, 2020. You're drunk.

Oh, my God. We should do a political comedy show. Yeah. you're drunk oh my god we should do a political comedy show yeah thanks for hanging around talking dum-dum fun episode

fun times to see our friend Kyle on the Zoom we've got we've got a Zoom show live show

coming up very soon if you're listening to this hot off the presses what's that date again July 18th.

Saturday, July the 18th, 8.30pm Melbourne time, which is, I think, midday, 12.30 in the afternoon in London. Yeah, 11.30 in the afternoon. We had a lot of UK people tune in last time.

I think if you're in the States, you are shit out of luck unless you love waking up at three in the morning. We got a few of them, though. Some people did that last time. Yeah, we got a bunch. Some people might be... You can Yeah, we've got a bunch.

Some people might be... You can look it up on your phone or go to timeanddate.com. That's the clock site. I love that website. New sponsor of the show. Timeanddate.com. Right, right. I just always put what time is it in London. That's so much better.

I ask Jeeves personally. Or Jeeves, nobody's asking you shit. Tell you what, organising these episodes where we do it with someone over Zoom who's in a different part of the world, just the fucking stress about making sure that I've gotten the time difference correct. Actual nightmare.

Checking it and rechecking it dozens and dozens of times. Yeah. Really feels good. So get onto that. It's exclusive to that show you're not going to see it anywhere else and this is a bit

of a themed show maybe because we're all in fucking forms of lockdown we're missing Koh Samui so this is a

themed 2020 version of the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival rough time for Facebook memories oh yeah

yuck brutal no fucking I mean it's just over a year now, but yeah, I was getting the reminders a couple of weeks back. The reminders are fine now, because it's like, yeah, you were back home in winter. It's like, oh, yeah, it's fine.

Happy to be reminded about that. Things were the same last year. It's literally like, you know, I'm used to having two weeks less of winter every year for the last nearly 10 years, and I'm copying those two extra. So it feels like the longest winter of all time for me this year. And it's barely begun.

It hasn't even been that cold here. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was scrolling through the memories the other night, pretty sad about no Thailand. While eating, Thai Uber eats from a Thai restaurant near my place. Thai Uber eats from a Thai restaurant? Wow. Yeah, they've done it.

And I think fucking Bernie kicked the bag because this shit came. You know when you open the bag and it's just half the curry's in the plastic bag? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't. I don't want to send it back. I don't like giving bad ratings.

Yeah, any of that kind of stuff. When they've got, you know they're not fucking around when they've got the plastic container and they've put the glad wrap over before they've put the lid on top. They really don't want that stuff to be disrupted. Yeah.

Oh, Bernie kicked a big one. Yeah. And they've done it again. And they've done it again. We've got merch on sale as well. We've got the new shirts and hoodies, Talking Dum Dum themed ones. So get onto them.

Go to the website. Heaps of different bits of merch and bits and pieces. Is that all the homework we've said, everyone? Yeah, that's your homework this week. Buy a ticket and a hoodie. Yes. There'll be a test next week. Good hoodie weather.

Good hoodie weather. Like we said, we've got the post office box, P.O. Box 6063, Hawthorne West, 3122. Wow. Yeah, the west side of Hawthorne. Having to cross the tracks to get over there, eh? A lot of gang members wearing skivvies. So it's 6063? Yeah.

Ah. Why? Well. I think you may have said it wrong on the pod. I think you said, yeah, you said it. 6003, I thought you said on the pod. Because then when you were saying you add it up, I'm like, add what up?

It's just 0-0. Did I? I think at one point you said 6-0-0-6-3. Oh, okay. Well, we should get this. Get it right. Make sure we get this right. Get it right, fuckhead.

Where did you say? Where's the funniest home videos tapes go? Crow's Nest. Crow's Nest. Fuck yeah. Lock Bag. Lock Bag. Crow's Nest.

You can't get Lock Bag unless you're a business or something I never knew what Lock Bag meant I always thought can you help yourself to everyone else's

fucking mail is that the only one that they've locked up what the fuck does that mean yeah so we're Unlocked Bag but yeah

you can six six oh brackets six plus three in bracket. Yeah. That's us.

That's us. But you don't put the brackets on the envelope. You cannot, I reckon. Hey, look. This is a good test. Try it out. Yeah. Will the postman accept letters that have alphanumeric stuff?

Yeah. No. What am I looking for? What's the group that brackets and stuff are in? Symbols. Ohanumeric stuff. Yeah. No, what am I looking for? What's the group that brackets and stuff are in? Symbols. Oh, symbols. Right. I reckon you can almost make the zero have a strike through it as well

because that's still a zero. Oh, old school. That's classic. Yeah, I love that. Looks good. Six, line through the O, and then just a thin little bracket around the six and the three and put a little plus in the middle of it. Our postman in our suburb is the laziest dog he's always getting yelled at

because we live in a street where there's no driveway so people park up on the curb and just constantly nobody's getting mail and then we call the post office and go where is it and it's like oh he says he can't fit his bike down there it's like just fucking walk your dog yeah and then not only do we have the laziest postie the post office it's attached to um i remember a few years ago you said your old one that's low you had the worst post office ours is right up there really go in and go i'd like to pick up my package and they look out the back and go, it's not there. I'm like, there it is, the one with my name on it.

They're like, fuck, what do you know? And I don't even think you looked. Just quickly, it's a shame that you didn't, did you check to see if you talked about the numbers that were available for a PO box, did you check to see if you could get 8 equals equals equals D?

We couldn't get 69. That should have been the next one down. You know what? Officially. Oh, we've only got lowercase D. That's really not the same. Here you go.

Here's the key. Oh, wow. Hell yeah. We've got a set of two keys. Oh, we've got two? Yeah. Oh, fuck yeah. There's your little key

if you ever find yourself in Hawthorne West. If I ever find myself cruising through the area, I'll empty out the bag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go for it. I do go there a bit. I'm in Hawthorne every now and then. Yeah, yeah.

You can come in. Crossing through. Come in and see my favourite little post office man. Or I come in and he just writes Carl Liverpool over everything. Oh, that guy. Yeah. It's a weird shaped key. That's a post office box key.

It's a very long key. We had a PO box In Meribor When I grew up as a kid We always had that Because we You didn't want To live too far out

Yeah So we had PO box 44 Meribor You can go Sense after that if you want But it's not ours anymore It's weird that they've Engraved a description of you

Under the key Because it says They're aggressor Aggressor So What about Eight double zero eight five The old boobs of you under the key because it says they're aggressor. Aggressor. So. What about 80085? Yeah.

The old boobs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be good. That'd be gone. We have to do a handstand in front of the PO box and it becomes really funny. You have to send stuff

to us upside down in the mail. Well, speaking of your speaking of your poster giving you the shits. Yeah. My building manager I talked on the

on Talking Dumb Dumb the other week about how he sits at the front of the building, which people have to get past him to get into the mail room. And he just put a sign up in the mail room going, oh, mail's been going missing from in here. So yeah, collect your packages quickly because mail's just been going missing. I reckon that's on you, cunt. I reckon you're meant to be making sure that no one breaks in here and steals shit.

So my intercom hasn't been working properly. It's not like Melbourne to have lax security procedures. That's not something our city's known for. I won't have it. I wasn't trained to not let people come in and steal mail. I wasn't trained. There's a lack of training there.

Yeah, the building manager coming in. I saw the Hamburglar walking with a mask on. The building manager coming in and fucking me. I can handle that. But it's when my CityLink bills go missing that I start to really fire up. My intercom's been really dodgy, but I never use it because I can't really buzz people into it. So when people come around, I say,

just message me when you're at the front. Anyway, the other day, my girlfriend left to go to work and she got out the front and realised she'd left her phone in here so she's trying to like call me from the intercom but the intercom's just not it's not even ringing in here it's like not working so she's out in the street freaking out building manager comes out sees her and goes oh yeah sorry that's not working because apparently it's going to cost sixty thousand dollars to fix and oh well so that's cool to know like this guy's just like this thing that he's in charge with. He's just not fucked to do anything about it.

It seems like a lot, doesn't it? It is a lot. $60,000 is fucking heaps. You'd hate your rent to go up significantly to cover that. Well. You could give everyone fucking iPads in here for that matter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just put an iPad at the front door.

I mean if i was in a part of the building where i could buzz people in i'd be really shitty about it not being right like but anyway so he then has to like walk her through the building she explains what's going on so he like walks her through the building up to here up to my apartment so she can get her phone back and they're just like making small talk on the walk. And he goes, so what does your partner do? And she goes, oh, he's a comedian. And he apparently then scoffs and goes, you know, Nick Giannopoulos lives next door.

What the fuck's that meant to mean? Ditch this bozo. If you don't like the boyfriend, but you really like the postcode where he lives, there's a bit of an upgrade that's pretty easy for you. Has he made a movie called The Skip Boy? No. It's the zero, get with the hero.

Yeah, his Vanilla Ice one said. Ditch old fucking Prince of Persia, get with the King of Mykonos. Oh, excellent stuff. Excellent, excellent stuff. Still my favourite thing ever, any time I see Prince of Persia. You think of me doing stand-up about it? No, I think of you with cancer.

Yeah. Me with cancer. But for everyone that doesn't realise, it's you choosing your gift for Make-A-Wish and it being a laptop with Prince of Persia. Speaking of Cancer Corner, I'm doing a... Oh, you've got it again. I'm doing a bit of live Cancer Corner.

At the end of August, I'm speaking on a panel for the Maddie Riewoldt. They're doing like a day about... So it's going to be a bit of Cancer Corner live. Just everyone doing their best five on cancer? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the audience vote on who had the funniest take. Great.

So, yeah, if you've got any, we haven't done Cancer Corner for a while. Is it last one laughing style? If you get queued, you're out. So in the next couple of months, if you have any, it'd be good to treat this as a bit of training for the... Oh, yeah, right. Because, I don't know, they just asked me to do it and I'm like, sure, but I don't really... Like I've said on this many times,

I can't really offer much in the way of insight because I was 10. You know, you're better off talking to my parents. Like, I don't really know what I'm going to be asked that I could possibly have a fulfilling answer to. Can I come along to the show and just... The show. Yeah, as soon as it starts.

The gig. Yeah, as soon as it starts, I yeah as soon as it starts i'm in the front row put my hand up does it hurt does it hurt yeah yeah well maybe it needs to be maybe i need to just be in control of it and give over the questions that i want to be asked to the moderator can i be a plant yeah yeah yeah i think you probably could i think it's just free and people can just register to watch if they want i think at this stage it's probably going to be uh just live streamed like it's just going to be over zoom right so you could just log on if you want imagine me going there and heckling the cancer cancer speech gig it's not bad it's really not amazing

age is better is that a good cancer heckle? Yeah, we hate that. We hate hearing about how those AIDS cunts are better than us. Let's keep it on topic, guys, please. Chando just getting like fucking muted and his camera turned off by the moderator of this thing and like getting onto different laptops. We should have known when username Ebola is the best.

All right. This guy looks similar, but okay, different laptops. We should have known when username Ebola is the best. All right. This guy looks similar, but okay, we'll accept a question from Jack the Dancer 69. Okay. All right. Cool.

So you got cancer when you were 10. I didn't know they had 5G back then. It does cause everything. Oh, you know, you probably got more cancer once you got a laptop

because it had windows on a Bill Gates. Oh, wow. Wow. probably got more cancer once you got a laptop because it had windows on a Bill Gates. Oh, wow. Wow. Pretty cool. Mind blown. Galaxy brain. Pretty cool.

All right. You can also support the show on Patreon, littledumbdumbclub.com for that, or patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. We send out bonus episodes every week, heaps of extra content, including the jewel in the crown of bonus content, having your name read out on this part of the show.

Imagine. Imagine if that happened to you. It's like Tats Lotto, but better. You know, I wish that could happen to me. Yeah? Yeah. You wish your name could be read out one day? Yeah.

I wish my name could be said on this show. Your real name. Yeah. You wish your name could be read out one day? Yeah. I wish my name could be said on this show. Your real name. One day, mate. One day, maybe. Well, you gave $5 to Cody. You had to save that money and gave it to the show. Oh, yeah, hang on. Can I give you more money now, Cody, to say my name on this bit of talking dum-dum?

Hang on. Give him the post office box key. Oh, fuck. For a guy that goes cashless, you've got a lot of cash on you. That's two different notes you've pulled out. Guess who from? You!

Oh, I sound very generous. The last couple of times, I think it was when we were doing the last Zoom show here. I brought beer, I brought pizza or something. And just constantly fucking Scrooge McDuck dipping into the pool and drenching me. But anyway, Cody, anything you'd like to say? Yes, Tommy Dasolo. Nice.

Come on. It's a funny thing to say about that name. I dare you. Roof off that. Guys, I'm not good at improv That's why That's why I didn't win last one laughing I tell you what I wouldn't have lasted five minutes in there

Honestly All those funny people in one room Well you know why Because there's so many people in there And you've been self isolating for years That's why you couldn't win No yeah I would have had a panic attack

I would have been laughing But it would have just been like Madness It would have been me freaking out. I had a mate send me some footage from episode five when I've been booted off the show at this point. I'm sitting out the back and Edo's talking to Rebel Wilson and I'm behind them and I open a pizza box, pull a pizza out,

offer it to Creasy. Creasy says, no thanks. And then I've got a full slice of pizza in my mouth close the box it's just dangling out of my mouth and Rebel turns around and said

she said something and go what do you think Nick and I go like didn't take the pizza out just trying to answer her with pizza dangling out of my mouth

a full slice you're right that is funny that you and Rebel were talking to each other and you were the one with the pizza hanging out of my mouth

that is a notable story. That is... Sue him, Rebel. Sue him. Give me another ten and I'll never say Carl's name again. She's a Rebel to a diet book. Right, let's crack in. What?

She's a straight sweetheart. I didn't know. Right, let's crack in. What? She's Australia's sweetheart, mate. Is she? Okay, sorry. I didn't know. I didn't know. Riddled. A bit clunky, but you know what I'm trying to say. Very clunky.

Like Tommy Daslow said, we do reward people on this show with their names being read out. Quite a reward. Hollywood walk of fame style. As in like, you know, when like Trump got his star there and people just fucking got a jackhammer and blew it up. That's sort of what we do to these names we read out. Newcombe. Yeah. So, yeah, look, we do Generally read out

Fucking dozens of names But because we've got A guest here today Maybe we'll cut it short A little bit How many do you reckon? Well we'll just see I mean

Keep it single figures maybe I think breaking news They're about to They just announced A limit of Oh There's a curfew on names The number of names

That you can read out In your own house is severely... Oh, Dan. We're about to do 100. What's he limited it to? Hang on. Let's check.

Let's check. Vic.gov. Vic.gov.au slash Patreon. Fuck. As of 3pm today and it's 3.15, five.

We can only read five. Oh, wow. Jesus Christ. Guys, don't come after us. It's the today and it's 3.15, five. We can only read five. Oh, wow. Jesus Christ. Guys, don't come after us. It's the government. That's it. It's the government that's stopped us in our tracks. And unlike most weeks, I can't read them out all really quickly,

all bunched up together. We've got to space them out a bit. So let's do at least 1.5 minutes of banter between each name. I'd love a bit of banter. Shut up. I'd love a bit of banter. Shut up. I love a bit of banter. All right. Bants.

Tommy Dasolo, hello. Dasolo, hello. Hello, hello. Oh, it's Tommy Dasolo, hello. Yeah, that's my British equivalent. The League of Dasolos. There's one of us in every country. Turns out I was the only one with a tram ticket.

Well, well, well. Tommy Dasaloa, look at what we got here. Hawaiian, Tommy Dasaloa. Oh, that's nice. That's very nice. You may have read his autobiography, No Snatch. What? Like Guy Ritchie?

Guy Ritchie. Guy Ritchie. You know know it's the movie Snatch Yeah It's like my autobiography is no Snatch Okay Because I Oh right I don't fuck in a pussy

Right Right Right Deep anal Hey guys there's a chance for us I might have to do a bit of a Daslow It's Australia to allow international university students To return before all state borders open.

I'm about to change the last name and head up to the Goldie. Nick Kodiopoulos is off to study at Bond. What are you studying at Gold Coast University? Pushing people off fucking high-rise towers? I've got my diploma of jet ski. All right. pushing people off fucking high rise towers or I got my diploma of jet ski alright alright let's crack on number one

let's hit the big red button on the unplanned title alternator this week and number one this week thank you very much

to Patreon subscriber Stephen Wan Wan W H A N holy H most a patron subscriber Stephen Wan Wan W H A N

Oriental I reckon definitely Oriental From the Orient From the Orient From part of the Orient What train do you think you would travel on?

What train? Well it would depend if he wanted to get there quickly or if it was going to be stopping all stations. I don't even know where we are now. I was trying to get you to say the Oriental Express. I don't know what you were...

No, Express, like stopping all stations or Express. Fuck, I love comedy. You've lost touch with your roots. This guy doesn't even know how trains work anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I haven't been on a train for a while. Stephen Wan. Interesting.

Interesting. What's his favourite two-minute noodle flavour, do you reckon? Do you remember there was a two-minute noodle flavour, Oriental? Yeah. Was there? Yeah. It's very 90s. It's so 90s.

Yeah. Big dragon on the front of the On the front of the package It's like this is dodgy stuff What is this? I know it's I know it's very Like chicken or oriental

It's like what? Chicken, beef Oriental The orient They don't eat chicken or beef in the orient Oriental flavour I love the idea of someone working for that company and going, all right, we've got the chickens out the back,

we've got the beef out the back. Has anyone killed some Orient? Is it like one of those work experience jobs where they go, you have to go out and get me a skyhook? Like you have to go out and skin an Orient. Left-hand screwdriver. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it is.

I'd love to compile like a supercut of all like the 90s ads for oriental flavours of food where it's like big rice paddy hat, gong going off in the background. I reckon you could compile probably an hour's worth from this country alone. It's dodgy, dodgy stuff. If you're trying to figure out what you have to kill to make oriental flavor, you need flavor enhancer 621-635-631. Damn, why couldn't we get that P.O. box?

Soy sauce powder, salt. Not even the real soy sauce. Sugar, ginger, salt, garlic powder, caramel color. Oh, nice. Fuck, I might make this tonight. Vegetable fat, food acid. Caramel, is this the Mars bars of two-minute noodles? Bit of work, rest and play noodle.

Man, did you ever, I used to have that at little lunch at recess. I'd have like a two-minute noodle brick with the powder sprinkled on it. Just straight up dry brick. Did you, like them or the Mammy Monster noodle snacks that was like a brand of just the straight brick yeah right just the chicken flavor powder on the brick of two minute noodles ate it like a salada wow you know what i've never had a two minute noodle what never had them never never ever never had them never holy shit yeah i should i should have a go just never come up just never sort of thought to have Never had them. Never? Never ever. Never had them. Holy shit. Yeah, I should have a go.

Just never sort of thought to have them. Yeah, you love a snack. Like it's such a... I haven't had one in ages. Yeah. It's definitely a thing that I missed out on when I was at TAFE. I should have. That was my peak zone for it. I don't know why I didn't have it then.

I was having lots of fucking dog shit then. And we just spoke about your mum handing out fucking cake for breakfast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think two minute noodles would have gotten a run? No, way too oriental for Maribor.

Oh yeah? Yeah. Ironically, I think mum wouldn't have known how to make two minute noodles. It's like way too easy to make chops than make two minute noodles.

Chops. Fucking chops. Name a more 70s type of meat than chops. Oh, fucking chops. What about a silver side with the white sauce? Slank? Flank?

Flank? I've been eating a lot of instant ramen recently, but cooking an egg in there and then putting a slice of processed cheese on top of it. I got this recipe out of a book and then a little bit of butter in there. Truly a fucking baby's meal, but it's so good. No, but you're halfway to just making an actual meal.

Like two minute noodles are meant to be, I've given up on this. I'm not making a meal. You're adding shit and it's like, man, just cook. But any shit package store brought stuff, that's the trick. If you just add one or two little modifications to it, you suddenly don't have to feel like a piece of shit

for eating bottom rumpets. Add one thing and go, this is an artisanal creation. This is like a little fixer-upper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're the fucking, what is it, the blocking it up. Yeah, I'm flipping it. Yeah, you're flipping it.

I'm flipping these noodles. Nice. Selling them for higher value. Marking it up from $2 to $3. Yeah, yeah. I like it. You're the for higher value. Marking it up from $2 to $3. Yeah, yeah. I like it. You're the exhibit of snacks. Totally.

Pimp my. Pimp my noodle. Pimp my noodle. Have you ever had a. Come in dog, I've got this chilli sauce. I've made this so fancy, I call it three minute noodles. Have you ever heard of a two minute noodle pancake? Really good.

No. You make batter, you cook the noodles and you're like um you dump the noodles like into the batter and you cook that up and you also add like you chop up some bacon and put a bit of cheese in it so it kind of makes like a little it's kind of like a savory pikelet sort of thing with noodles in it and then you chuck the seasoning in as well so it's got that kind of flavor to it i remember being at a country pub once and they had that on the menu two minute noodle pancake and i was like i fucking gotta try this is that it was so good and then i started making them myself is that really good menu two minute noodle pancake and I was like I fucking gotta try this it was so good and then started making them myself

is that really good a two minute noodle pancake when you've just got a hankering to not take a shit for six months what have you got to clog me up yeah I'm going on a long haul flight I really don't want to have to

go up there it's like I want to combine two minute noodles on a pancake I can't be fucked making something twice yeah for the go-go lifestyle. Why have breakfast and lunch when you can just combine?

Why have one shitty meal when you can combine two? And feel rancid for 48 hours. Now, you two are both three-time Koh Samui International Podcast Festival attendees. I'm only two. Oh, you're two. Yeah, I'm only two. Apologies. You were there enough to learn.

Fucking rookie over here. Yeah, yeah. The new guy. The new guy over here. I am a three-time attendee. You are, I're two. Yeah, I'm only two. Apologies. You were there enough to learn. Fucking rookie over here. Yeah, yeah. The new guy. The new guy over here. I am a three-time attendee. You are. I believe so. Did you...

Now, I don't know if both of you were on board with this, but remember the pancake carts that you get all over the streets? Were you both pancakers? Did you get them? Yeah. I thought you would be. I'm not sure about you, Tommy. Not a big pancake fan in general.

Did you ever have them there? I don't think I ever did. If I did, it was like once and extremely drunk, so it hasn't registered. I don't think I ever did. I was a little bit disappointed in that they're not really pancakes, what they're selling. They're crepes, right?

Crepes. They're closer to crepe. It's almost a bit like rotty or something, isn't it? Yeah. It's more like bread than it is pancakes yeah which I'm like I love a pancake

pancake and so you're gonna call them pancakes you go great here comes a pancake and then it's like this is bread this is fucking not

like it's it's bread with they sort of advertise it like a pancake with chocolate and banana and whatever all over it sounds good but then when it's like

bread with chocolate and banana all over you go I don't know man it when it's like bread with chocolate and banana all over you, you go, I don't know, man. It's a little bit different, isn't it? I don't know. This is a great argument for international travel. Just going over there. These cunts don't know what to fucking call food.

Yeah. And I just love, like you'll go, I've had three months no bread. Yeah. What have you been eating, man? Man, just rolls. What? No, it's not bread. It's different. I've had three months, no bread. What have you been eating, man? Man, just rolls. What? No, it's not bread. It's different.

I've been having pizza, rolls. No, no. I don't do that. It's not sliced. I'm well back on the bread now. You're off the beer for a year. That was me off bread. I think I've done a couple of six-month stints or whatever.

I might be nearly due for another go off the bread because as we've been talking about lately on some episodes where i've had some some poo jogging incidents yeah it's like surely bread helps that maybe you need a two minute noodle pancake then go for a run no what's what's been happening someone suggested online like people were sort of having their little um suggestions of what was going wrong and someone said have you already told you i'll shut outside yeah the end yeah it went wrong yeah but someone was suggesting they said have you eaten a lot of bread lately and i'm like yeah yeah i'm really back on the bread they're like that might be a problem there you might be a bit um gluten intolerant yeah maybe and so i was like no not me i wouldn't be

gluten intolerant and then you know what since then i've had some close shaves with jogging and and not getting home in time to go to the toilet yeah and i look back at what i've done during the day and go that was nearly a loaf of bread i ate that day yeah wow fuck that's the problem i've been going to fucking Coles in Richmond and eating they got fucking great white bread and I'm just eating a lot back on my fucking absolute bullshit yeah eating nearly a full loaf of fucking white bread and then wondering one but why this shit dribbling down my leg is I'm just straight up bread by itself. No, like with butter. Is that it?

No, I'll have like sandwiches. Like I'll have like a chicken sandwich or something. But then I'll go, I'll have a bit of toast. Then I might have a bit of bread and butter as well. Fuck. Yeah, you're gluten intolerant. Definitely sounds like it. My girlfriend has that. She can't eat wheat.

I think I can eat it. I just shit more. Yeah. You shouldn't have 16 slices in a four-hour period. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a better thing. That's it. I'm allergic to eating in a way that no one should eat.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm kind of most things intolerant, if that's the volume. I'm carrot intolerant. If I eat fucking 15 kilos of them in one sitting, it makes me sick. Something's wrong with the carrots. I'm water intolerant.

No, you drowned. Oh, little snowflake. Can't handle his water. It's my allergies are playing up. I'm at the bottom of the ocean. Man, I fucking love bread. There's a bakery near my joint that does this house-made fruit loaf

that my wife – Looch can just eat. A bakery. You hope it's house-made. No, no, no, but it's fucking great. No, no, no, but you know some place where it's like, this doesn't look – this wasn't made here. You know what I mean? It's fucking awesome.

Like so much fruit in there. But my wife can just buy it. Like she can have a block of chocolate that lasts four weeks or whatever. It fine but when that bread's in the house it's just fucking yeah it's on yeah until it's gone do you guys want some chocolate by the way because i ordered we ordered breakfast on uber eats the other day and then the order turned up and just randomly there was this big there's this huge bag in there just filled with cadbury chocolate with a little note from Cadbury. We hadn't ordered breakfast. We just ordered breakfast from a cafe.

Cadbury must have gone and done like a promotional drop off to a bunch of cafes. Giving out show bags. Kind of. Yeah, yeah. Kind of just this huge thing saying, hey, you know, everyone's doing it tough. Here's some free chocolate on us. But just no mention from the cafe or any reason why this was in here. This big bag filled with like Freddos and Caramello Koalas and shit. Yeah freddo yeah i don't know if i can want all this chocolate yeah you hate chocolate

what my mom said don't take chocolate off strangers but oh wow it's in a weird bag yeah that is a weird bag that's like a goon bag no it turned it we thought it was like a big thing of coffee we're like have we accidentally ordered coffee beans? It's like one of those big Ziploc bag that you buy. It's dense too. Tip it out a little. Let's see what's in there. There's like Freddos and Cadbury's. Oh yeah.

I'm a sucker for the Freddos. Can I have a Freddo? I'm already back on. I had a Freddo and a Caramello last night. I'm going to eat this whole fucking thing by myself if people don't help me out with it. Hold on. They've tried to sneak in. Cadbury have got a bar Called Simply Smooshed

Orange and Hazelnuts Yeah there's a couple Don't try You know what they're doing This is fucking This news Simply Smooshed Is clearly fucking Bombed horribly

So they're trying to Get it out and about Oh by like Sneaking it in with Look at the use by date This has got two months Left on it That's what they're doing

Getting rid of stuff Before it goes off Oh this one Oh yeah yeah yeah Okay This has got two months left on it. That's what they're doing, getting rid of stuff before it goes off. Oh, this one... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. This one's third of the 12th. Well, look, I don't need a huge use by date because I will eat it within an hour.

Yeah, well, you guys can have all these because I need to be stopped from myself. The little Freddo frog is a big killer for me at the checkout. That'll be sitting there at the checkout as I'm loading. Oh, really? Nah, I'll have one of those for a dollar. Thank you very much. I hadn't had a Caramello in...

I'm going to have a Caramello now. I hadn't had a Caramello in ages until last night. It's great. Thanks, Steve. Thanks, Steve. Jesus Christ. Boy, oh boy. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Carl Sinclair.

Carl with a K or a C? That's a K, baby. Oh! The only way to go. Do you know him? Yeah, yeah. I met him down at the Carl Club. Yep.

The triple Carl Club. Yep. Down there. By the way, the new lockdown hasn't even officially been announced yet. And in the last hour, I'm already back to eating how I was at the start of lockdown originally. Oh, right. A bottle of Coke and a caramel. The same mentality of just like, who gives a fuck? Why not? Man, I went at the start of lockdown originally. Oh, right. Bottle of Coke and a Caramello Coke. The same mentality of just like,

who gives a fuck? Why not? Man, I went to the gym. If it locks down in the next hour, let's all go home and just continue this conversation on house party. Man, I went seven times in nine days or something to the gym.

I'm like, we're fucking back here. Then my suburb got locked down. Gym got locked down. You know what? I'm going to fucking book in the gym For tonight right now I'm meant to be going tonight too Show off

I'm thinking we might go Fucking show offs I um My wife and son are away I uh For the first time the other night Got ice cream delivered on Uber Eats Like

Uh I must say The fattest cunt on earth Getting ice Just ice cream Like just a pint of Ben and Jerry's delivered to the house. It's fucking sad.

What flavour? The Tonight Dough. That's the best one. How good is it? I got a little thing of that delivered. It's fucking great. There's Netflix and Chilled. I tried that.

That was alright. Can I ask, that's what I meant to ask before. You got breakfast delivered. What'd you order for breakfast? We got two bagels And coffee I was thinking

You're getting a big bowl of cornflakes In a fucking bag That would be nice That would have been really nice You need the full If you're getting breakfast delivered You want the full breakfast And bed experience

You want someone to come in With one of those little bed trays Yes Yeah Continental What name? Carl Sinclair breakfast in bed experience. Who wants somebody to come in with one of those little bed trays? Yes. Yeah. Continental. What name? Carl Sinclair.

Back on to Carl Sinclair, sorry. Yeah, look, good name. I obviously respect the K way more than the C. Sounds smart. Carl Sinclair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That sounds very intelligent. I've always thought,

I mean, I've talked about this, I think, before, but Carl, I've always been, I've always thought like, I've talked about this I think before But Carl I've always been I've always thought like Yeah I've lucked out here I like Carl's name It's a strong sounding name

And then a lot of other people Have gone no Because Carl Is like a dumb guy name In America That's a dumb name You're fucking dumb Like ah shit

I thought I was smart Man I like Nick Because it's just St. Nick Santa Claus Yeah Yeah yeah I like being Santa Claus's just Saint Nick. Santa Claus. Yeah. I like being Santa Claus. That's why you got the beard. Hi, I'm Santa.

Yeah. My dad sent me a photo the other day. He'd been cleaning out the garage of me as a little kid with Santa. I'm like six and his caption is like, I reckon this Santa looks a bit dodgy. What do you think? What if I had written back like, yeah, Dad, he molested me.

I told you at the time and you didn't believe me. Do they do Santas anymore? Yeah. Do they do like shopping? Not at the moment. Shopping center? Not right now. How many...

No, July Santas. Look, guys, morale's low. Christmas in July. Christmas in July Santas. Morale's low with COVID So look To kind of To boost morale

We're going to bring Some fucking Santas Into the shopping centres In July Haven't you taken Your daughter to Santa To a shopping centre Santa Not last year

I mean she was only Yeah Six months Or eight months Or whatever it was Nah I don't think she'd enjoy it Nah that

That age is the best I think she'd enjoy this. No, that age is the best. I think she'd enjoy it this year, not last year. My son was like three months old when he first saw Santa on the lap and he was having a good time. And last year, when he was 15 months, he was like, who the fuck is this guy? Like, they could put it together then. Something's not right.

I don't know this bike. It's weird. And he's very nervous in the second one. He's just like sitting facing forward, but just like, who's that? Why am I here? Not as enjoyable now. Yeah, I think I did a supermarket Santa,

shopping centre Santa when I was a kid and it was just like, fucking hell. I couldn't have shit myself more. Some big fucking cunt with a beard. You couldn't make it look any weirder and more scary i think it's rare that there's any kids out there that are like take me to santa yeah it's definitely almost exclusively a thing that the parents are like this will be great yeah a little photo to send out to our friends and relatives yeah yeah yeah but i mean like you said it's that sort of dodgy feeling when you say oh yeah like a santa oh it looks a bit dodgy it's like well that's sort of like it's sort of like priests now whatever it's that sort of cliche oh this

would be fucking dodgy that's your immediate thought now i'll be dodgy well it's it's a grown-ass person deciding to spend hours with kids sitting on their lap. Whilst being in disguise. Heavy disguise. Yes. The photo my dad sent me doesn't even look that... It's just like, yeah, this is just...

This is your six-year-old son with Santa. Would it be more sus though that guy with the big disguise or just legitimately a big fat guy with a big beard sitting there with a baby?

You go, that's possibly worse. At least he's legit. Yeah. At least he's legit. Yeah. At least he's not in disguise. Do you wish you could take back your sarcastic wish that you gave that Santa? Oh, why don't you give me cancer, fuckhead?

Yeah, that really came to bite me in the ass. But hey, I did get a copy of Prince of Persia out of it. Yeah, you didn't bring me Hungry Hungry Hippo. You might as well give me cancer next year. All right. Well, I'll be sure to bring this up in the panel discussion I'm doing for the Matty Rewalk. Bring all this up.

Great. What's your earliest memory? The Big Casino 69? Any questions? What's your earliest memory of it? Well, I think it goes back to me as a six-year-old meeting Santa and sarcastically going, why don't you give me cancer, fuckhead? Why don't I see how quickly I can get booted off the panel?

You're just defending yourself. Hey, I had cancer. You can't cancel me. I'm a survivor. I'm still processing it all, okay? I'm still dealing with it. I'm twisted. All right, thanks, Carl Sinclair.

Thanks, Cinco. Thanks, Carl. We had someone complain about their read the other week. Really? I didn't really understand why. I mean, I never listened back to anything we've been saying. I can't understand what... Carl started with, he sounds very intelligent,

and ended on cancer in children jokes. Yeah. I can understand understand what... Carl started with, he sounds very intelligent and ended on cancer in children jokes. Yeah. I can understand if he sends you a request. I'm looking him up. You know what? I'm doing a real deep dive here. I'm looking him up on Facebook. If this is the guy, he is...

Speaking of, he's a priest. Oh, my God. Wow. He's a... Oh Martin Wow He's a He's a Yeah There you go Do we have any mutual Mutual friends

Um No No I say Scroll back up The job he started Diocese of Bathurst Well you don't need to get

Oh sorry I don't know I don't know if you I thought that was fucking Peter Brock Yeah Brocky Well, you don't need to get... Oh, sorry. I don't know if you... I thought that was fucking Peter Brock. Yeah. Brocky. That's like the Australian equivalent of like Elvis is still alive. Nah, Brocky, man.

He's still out there. Yeah. He's changed his name. Yeah. In the church. He's subscribing to podcasts under different names. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hiding in plain sight.

He's in a retirement home with Bigfoot. How do you know it's him? Are they mutual friends? Don't you always look at mutual friends? Yeah, but he doesn't have them visible. But that's the first one that comes up, and that's as much research as I'm going to do. That'll do it.

Thanks, Carl. Thanks, Carl. That sounds right to me. I'm saying that to you for looking it up. You know what? It's now coming up. He in our millionaire group so that's it yeah that's it it is him oh yeah yeah good on you no yeah yeah he is oh he actually sent put a thing in the group i never remember this six months ago um he was ordained a catholic priest in february this year was ordained a Catholic priest in February this year.

Yeah, there you go. Yeah. That is... How did you get that? I think we've got a... Isn't that weird to think that we've got Catholic priests that listen to this show? It is pretty weird. That is weird.

That is... I think if you're a priest in... He's probably a cool priest. He like raps and whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd hope so. A man JC, you know... He's probably a cool priest. He like raps and whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd hope so. A man JC. He's a cool Catholic priest.

Fucks people his own age. All the cool modern stuff. There will definitely be a request for a redo. Just when I thought we were out, he dragged us back in. That'd be great if he complained about that. He's saying here, I've been listening since July 2011. And then we go, you're a Catholic priest, you fucker. Oh, I never thought this would happen.

What? Well, like, never. I'll be telling God about this. Thanks, Sinko. Thanks, Carl. Good luck. Good luck in the church. That's a, you know, I was watching fucking, what's it called? Fleabag. Thanks, Carl. Good luck. Good luck in the church. That's a... You know, I was watching fucking...

What's it called? Fleabag. Oh, yeah. Watch Fleabag. Great show. Really good show. I haven't seen it yet. Good?

What's it on? Which streaming service? Amazon? Streaming. Your mates at Amazon. Oh, my mates. Your best mates. You and Jeff Bezos.

Yeah. Yeah. Old mates. When you see him next, when you go to his place, watch it. Watch it with him. In the movies room. Thanks for Fleabzos. Yeah. Yeah. Old mates. When you see him next, when you go to his place, watch it. Watch it with him. In the movies room.

Thanks for Fleabag. Yeah. In the rumpus. I'm in the rumpus with Bezos. Watching Fleabag. Want to chuck on Fleabag? How many seasons are there? Two.

Oh, fuck yeah. What a good time. Is there more of it coming? Or is it just... I don't think there is. She's made Phoebe Waller-Bridge. it just she's made Phoebe what Phoebe walla bridge she's made some other shows I've got to watch because I love that show so much I gotta get on to the other ones but um men fucking tight show

really good highly recommend cuz it started as like just a stand-up yeah one one person play yeah you can someone told me it's a stand-up show, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mine was in a play. One person play, I think. Someone told me... Shit stand-up show. Yeah, you can... I just think anything is stand-up. Not funny show. Yeah. Man, I went and saw this fuck stand-up.

Have you heard of Les Mis? Yeah. Or singing? I fucking hate musical comedy. Yeah, yeah. It's pretty funny physically because they're all dressed as cats and stuff, but it wasn't

wasn't that funny what they were talking about top comedy Cinco thanks thanks father father Cinco

thank you to the Patreon subscriber fuck you know what I've got to go back just because I've said Cinco I just remember

I've got to make that there was a family there was a family let's say it was a family Fuck you know what I've got to go back Just because I've said Cinco I just remember I've got a mate that There was a family There was a family Let's say it was a family Not that well off Where I grew up And there was like

A cricket or a footy club That was nearby And did you Did you have this When you played football Did you have a thing Called Pie Night Pie Night

Yeah Where Is that where they Like the jumper numbers get revealed yeah something just a fundraiser yeah yeah and the local bakery yeah there's actual pies something would happen yeah they'd have some reason for it but then the bakery chip in a couple of dozen pies or whatever and it's like yeah come down it's team bonding and whatever it was and then um there was a family that would just every year just turn up for pie night.

Dude, we had a kid in our... He had two nicknames. He had Barbecue because he turned up to the start of season barbecue and then he never turned up again. So then he got called Ghost. What the fuck's barbecue? Yeah, he turned up to the barbecue. Dad and everyone just fucking smashing snags.

Round one comes along. Where is he? Oh, fucking ghost. He's gone. Yeah. That was the same as this. It was like, can't wait for a big season of cricket or footy, whatever it was. And it was like, nah, I've had a few four and twenties and I'm gone for the season.

Pulled a fucking throat muscle eating six pies out for the season. A fucking Joey Chestnut has come down there and thrown back 48 shepherds in an hour and then hit the bricks. It's so funny. We had the exact same fucking incredible, the nerve to just turn up and go, don't fucking say anything.

We're going to eat as many of these fucking things as we can and then never play. Nathan's pie eating contest, not in Coney Island, in Parasbrook, just outside of Maryborough. The family, the last name of the kid was Zinko, so it was pretty memorable. I wasn't like that name to Zinko. Zinko.

Yeah, so my mate would sing this when, they would come down and my mate would sing this song and he'd sing well it's pie night tonight and the zincos are here and he'd sing it and i'd always be like yeah i'd be like that's very funny but what's that based on it sounds like it's a parody but i never knew what the song was or whether that's just a completely original composition it's like it's got the feel of a footy song yeah it's fucking pretty good. I like it. Yeah.

Catchy. While it's pie night tonight and the Zinco's are here. Thanks to Zinco, Carl Zinclair. Thank you to

Patreon subscriber, oh God, Nadja. It's spelled N-A-D-J-A. Danger is the last name. I've seen a lot of Nadja.

Nadja on the group. On the socials? Active. Yeah. Very active. I've just got to figure out that. Probably, is it, would it be pronounced Nadja? Nadja?

Yeah, maybe. Nadja. Nadja. Oh, of course. Now, I just want to sort of follow that up just to make sure. Nadja. What? Nadja.

Nadja. Nadja. Up? Nadja. Nadja. Nadja. Up the Nadj. Nadja. Danger. But I'm just trying to figure out if that's her actual last name. Because, you know, sometimes on Facebook, people will put Danger as in. I hate it.

Danger is my middle name. I'm assuming this is fake and I hate it. Right. Okay. Well, just doing okay Well Not holding back Right Good banter there Alright next name

Yeah yeah yeah Bit of bants Bit of bants Well we fucked up Tommy Dash Hello hello We fucked up your first name We hate your last name

So Thanks for the money Fuck Nadja Nadja Nadja Danger Yeah There's no way

I've got a feeling There's no way How are you How are you cross referencing this She's on Facebook Is Is The same

Do any of you have Sort of older relatives Like uncles and aunties On Facebook Just fucking mincing it Right up I don't have any Like my mum and dad

Aren't on Facebook And none of my aunties or uncles are on facebook wow i have no what what do you what do you mean by mincing it oh i've got an uncle that only joined i reckon six months ago and it's just sharing great time to get in just sharing the worst shit as in but it's like politically if you looked at it you wouldn't even know what's it's it's it's just sharing anything right but he'll share the like share if you think the anzacs don't get enough love right you know that sort of shit yeah yeah yeah i've got i don't know if i've talked about this on the show before but i've got an auntie in mirabar that i had to get

get rid of yeah because it was just all the stuff this stuff about Muslims blowing stuff up and whatever it is. It's like, mate, auntie, you're in fucking Maribor. What are they going to come and blow up the Bristol Hill motor inn? It's nothing to fucking blow up. What are you talking about? They're not taking your job because you don't have a job.

Yeah, I just... It's one of the ones I just put on mute and then once every few months go. I'll have a big scroll here. But I can't stand to see it peppered. Oh, yeah. Peppered around the daily looks. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I just chuck it on mute, have a look. Yeah. Big scroll. Fuck yeah. Oh, yeah. Just give yourself five minutes. Yeah. Take it all in one.

You can go into the Folder of everyone you've muted right What's that I think you can You can go You can like filter by All the people you've muted Oh wow

You can just look through The fucking wasteland Yeah wow If you want to do that to yourself No just share that Oh fuck it's over Like Like if you hate people having strokes

Share if you never want to see strokes again. I love those demanding ones where it's like you have to do one of these two things. You cannot be neutral on this issue. Share if you love smelling burnt toast but hate it when you find out there's no burnt toast. Like if you smell toast and you enjoy it, share if you couldn't click the mouse with your left arm.

Like if you're smelling burnt toast right now but you don't have a toaster and then we will come around because we are an ambulance. No second option. Oh, I believe that that's going to be her last name. There's no other information. So that's quite an amazing last name. If so, I can't give full credit because I just sort of,

I can't, like you, Tommy, I can't bring myself to quite believe that it is her last name. Yeah, I'm holding strong on this. It's a quote-unquote joke and I, for one, hate it. Hate to see it. Right, okay. You talk about that, Arnie, as well. I love the, it's like, share this.

Fucking millennials don't know what a kick up the ass is and they're too lazy. It's like, you're on the dole. And you're just sharing something rather than writing it yourself. That's pretty lazy. Millennials are lazy. Yeah. And you're just sharing something rather than writing it yourself. That's pretty lazy. Polymules are lazy. Share. Share if you agree.

Do nothing but click once. Gen Z are too lazy to know what it's like to be sucked off by your uncle at a family function. Share if you agree. Share. You know what? Her name's going to be Danger. It's the same thing. We're probably fucking up the pronunciation of Danger.

It's probably Danger. Danger. Danger. fucking up the pronunciation of dangerous. Probably danger. Danger. Danger. Danger. Danger. Danger. Naja Danger. Thanks, Danger.

Thanks, Dinger. Thanks, Naja Dinger. Thank you for... Yeah. Let us know. Let us know on the socials if that's your last name because that's amazing.

All right. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Nick Robinson-Wall. The hyphen. Robinson-Wall. Yeah. What would you pick? What would you pick? First name?

Nick. Nick. Yeah. Your name. First name. Your name. Then double barrel last name. Loves watching the polo, I reckon.

What would you pick? If you were him and it was like You don't want to go with a hyphen Which one do you go with? Robinson or Wall? Wall's pretty good No you take the first letters of both So you become Nick R.W. Mad Cunt

And the cunt's with a K You just add that on the end Hello I'm Nicholas R.W. Mad Cunt Is that the thing? I can't pick. Cody, the question wasn't what do you want your name to be? Mr. Fuck. No, but look, if they're divorced, if mum and dad are divorced.

If Deadpool's real, I'm in big trouble. It's a good solution if your parents are divorced and it's like pick a side. You don't want to pick, pick Oh who do you love more Your mum or your dad Make up a new name Yeah Go with a third option Yeah

Nick Madcon Nick Madcon Yeah So what are the two options Robinson or Wall What do you vote for Oh you've got to go Robinson Oh

Nick Wall's too It's like two Yeah Wall's rough Nick Wall's pretty funny It's funny Nick Wall is pretty good Nick Wall It's a funny name Nick Wall I'd go Nick Wall No but it's like two Yeah Walls are up You can't have two It's funny Nick Wall is pretty good Nick Wall

It's a funny name Nick Wall I'd go Nick Wall No but it's like Two One syllable You know Yeah yeah yeah

You raise an interesting It's the same as you It's exactly the same letters Nick Cody Yeah Nick Cody But there's a like But he's just like Nick Wall

Yeah yeah There's two syllables You've got three Yeah Yeah You raised an interesting point before, like the idea of, yeah, the hyphenated name, picking one. It made me think, if you're in an orphanage

and a family are coming through to adopt you, if you're a young orphan, can you knock them back? Like if they've got some shit-ass surname, you're like, I don't want to be copped by these cunts. That'd be good if you're the prospective parents and you want to come in and just tease these kids you just come in and go

I need some kids everyone they're like fuck we're finally getting out anyway my name's Johnny Fuckhead who wants to join the family who's next is there anyone behind you

Mr and Mrs Little Dicky here for their meeting with you and you're about to have a new and prosperous rich life with your new mummy and daddy.

Oh, you know what? I'll just wait it out until the mad cunts come through and want a kid. Yeah. Can you come into the orphanage and go, I like this kid but hate the name. Can I just rebrand? Can I give him a new one? Sir, he's 15. And what's this child's name?

I have a perfect. Ivor. Ivor a Perfect Ivor Ivor Ivor Ivor You don't see many Ivor's anymore And I reckon it's the proliferation of jokes made from Whatever the surname is Yeah

Ivor Thanks to the Biggin family Biggin Ivor Biggin Ivor Biggin family. Biggin. Ivor Biggin. Ivor Biggin. Ivor. Biggin. That's such an old school old name.

Ivor. My granddad's name was Ivor. You don't see that anymore. On Triple M, one of my favourite phone is ever, it's so dumb, it's young man with an old man's name. Oh, yeah, yeah. And people will call in and go, you know, there's a fucking two-year-old Gertrude.

Yeah. Sick. Sick. Yeah, they're all coming back though. Yeah. Some of them are, but some of them aren't. There's a baby Frank. Yeah, yeah, Frank.

But it's always people wanting to... You could see Frank coming back though. That could be like a cool name coming back, I reckon. but it's always people wanting to like stand out and be different so then the problem is those you know it's like it's going to be cyclical so all of a sudden the names that are different to start with all of a sudden they become overpopulated yeah so the more like my grandparents names were sheila and garnetet. My grandpa's name was Garnet. You've never heard of that name before in my life, but there'll be a point where it'll, you know.

But yeah, that's on the list. That can come back. Sheila, I reckon, could come back. There's stuff like, I don't reckon. I reckon. Come on, man, you've got a daughter. Do you hold a newborn baby girl and go, Sheila? No, but I can see that potentially,

I just reckon I could see that whereas something like, Garnet, maybe if you're just fucking blind. Yeah, yeah. That sounds like an old school drinking at the pub

and you turn up at the bird. I don't know why it's so uncommon. It's cool. It sounds cool. It's the name of a fucking rock or something. That's not like a person. Garnet.

No one's going, we're not doing that anymore because people are like, were we ever doing that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What the fuck is that?

Yeah. But I reckon there's no way back for Doris or there's no way back for – I reckon there is. Is there? I reckon Doris before Sheila. Really? Well, Sheila because of the fact that, you know, it's like a slang term. I can see that being –

But not everywhere. It is here. Here, here. But Doris I can see. But that's what I mean. It's like anyone that just wants to stick – you know, people treat their baby as a opportunity to just flex and like really you know be really unique and different so it's like the more further away you get proliferation there is in like oscar

and like names that for you know like my generation like didn't know anyone with that name at a certain point it's just gonna be like fuck we're getting further and further away but then it'll loop back around and it's like the weirdest name you can give your kid is tim yeah yeah i look tim will always be around i reckon but fuck isn't there like what's the classic old old woman name what's his daughter's mom grandma great great grandma great great grandma the oldest woman. Granny. Granny. Cave woman. Cave woman. Nonna.

Eve. Mrs. Dinosaur. Slug. Agnes. Agnes. Yeah, Agnes. Agnes. Dora.

I think Dora's back. Edith. These are all cool. Irene. Lilith. Irene's pushing it It's always just gonna be Fuck it Gretchen

Yeah Gretchen It's always just gonna come down To the association That the person has with it You know if you're just in isolation You didn't know any old people Called Gretchen then It's like she probably sounds cute

Fuck it's a tough one to go Oh she's so cute What's her name Gretchen Like it literally sounds like You're sick Yeah Gretchen's And how's greta greta's like the that's like the hip with gretchen oh yeah yeah yeah i like greta though yeah yeah greta's cool name greta's um greta's a good name for a baby if you want the baby to be born and immediately hated by a lot of old men. What? Greta Thunberg. Oh.

Yeah. Getting political. No topical, mate. Yeah, sorry. Yeah. Go back to fucking watermelon and ladders or whatever you do. We've been talking about the lockdown for about an hour and a half,

but yeah, a bit topical. It's official lockdown too. Oh, really? Oh, is it? I just got a few text messages You've been locked out of your house Guys welcome to our Welcome to our lockdown unboxing video

Thanks for tuning in Don't forget to like, comment and subscribe Welcome we're transitioning into Big Brother Just me refusing to admit that my wife's divorced me Nah guys just lockdown and that Gotta stay here for a bit that's all It's been four months You don't want to go home and say Nah lockdown man divorce me? Nah, guys, just lockdown. Gotta stay here for a bit, that's all. It's been four months,

you don't want to go home and say, nah, lockdown, man. Your wife moved to Denmark eight months ago. Yeah, lockdown, it's fucking crazy, man. Lockdown, oh yeah,

no, no, sorry, not for the city of Melbourne, I've just got cancer again so it's probably not best for me to be going out. Midnight Wednesday, six weeks. Dan Andrews, I'm not here to criticise or lecture Victorians.

Every Victorian knows at least one other person who perhaps hasn't been following the rules as much as they should have. Let's finish our fucking French kiss lessons and hit the bricks, boys. Been practising, because she will be back. Again, Nick Cody is officially working here. He got $5 from Tommy before. That's why he's allowed out of his lockdown. Exactly.

Yep. All right. All right. Damn. That sucks. Mood's all gone a bit more sober, hasn't it? That sucks, Dick. Well, yeah, we'd better wrap this up.

I don't want to hit the pub. Let's get a few glorious hours in before midnight. Melbourne to go into six-week lockdown from midnight tomorrow. Oh. Wow. You can't exercise outside of your shire. Oh, wow. I love that they're still rocking shire.

Not the hobbits, motherfuckers. It's a suburb, no? We're locking down and deleting all things that we've learned in the last 200 years. Burn the books. Burn the books. No using electricity. The virus spreads through knowledge.

Burn every book you can find. Alright boys, I'm off to churn some butter and grow all my pubes back. God, maybe I will get pegged soon. Six weeks, Jesus. Six weeks? Jesus fucking Christ. Fuck, man. Damn.

Okay, alright. Well, how many names are we through? I might hit the pub this afternoon Quite honestly Fuck, I might What do you do? Do you do the gym or the pub? You can work out at home

You can work out at home You can't get pints at home You can't have a pint at home You can have a stubby at home But not a pint There's something Yeah From Jam First next year I honestly might get one of those You can have a stubby at home, but not a pint. There's something. Yeah. From Jam First next year, I honestly might get one of those.

You can get a keg for your house. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not above that. Setting up a bar. I'm surprised you don't have a bar built in your house already. Well, I rent. That's all that's holding me back from my dreams. So midnight when...

I just booked into the gym as we were talking before. Now I'm like fuck No drink bros You gotta drink But midnight Wait midnight Wednesday Is that tonight Or that's tomorrow night I always get confused

With like midnight Wednesday Yeah I'm gonna have a Caramello koala You can have them After lockdown you know Oh shit Cause midnight

Yeah midnight is The start It's like On the stroke of midnight Yeah midnight is the start It's like On the stroke of midnight It's officially the next day Isn't it So 11.59 is still Tuesday Midnight

Is Wednesday Aren't any of the articles you're reading That always fucks me up Aren't any of the articles you're reading Saying It's in fucking six hours Fuckhead I'm not reading articles

I'm looking at porn That's the Guardian Oh okay Read the Courier Mail It'll be sucked in cunts Yeah You cold losers It just says from midnight Wednesday

That is tonight isn't it People listening to this Are already in it going Yes cunt We're listening in our bathrooms Shotgun loaded Mattress backed up against the door. We're holidaying in the laundry right now and it's Wednesday.

So, yes, we are locked down. But why not just say 12.01am? I know, yeah. God, honestly, everything now is like a remake or a fucking sequel, even with fucking lockdown. God, we've had it already. This bloody nostalgia. This looking backwards.

Come up with some new ideas, Hollywood. Okay, it's midnight tomorrow. Okay. Yep. Right. On Wednesday, 8th of July. Because it says here, from 11.59pm, 8th of July. Ah, there you go.

There you go. That's how you do it. Right. Yeah, what I'm looking at here says midnight Wednesday, which I think is technically... That is technically midnight. It's technically confusing. Yeah. Yep.

Well, yeah, look. I'm booked in for the gym at six o'clock. Maybe I can go to the pub after that. Maybe I need to book in. Should we book? Book for the pub. Book for the pub. Well, I can't.

I'm in a lockdown suburb. Yeah, yeah. And you're not drinking. I'm going to edit this. Because I already did it. Nice of you to all catch up on the lockdown ways. I've been rolling since last Wednesday. Lockdown.

All right, let's wrap this up and work out what we're doing. Let's just do one more. Okay. Just the one. I'm going to squeeze in one more heinous shit in a friend's toilet before I'm locked down. Yep. All right. One more to go, is it?

Yeah, just one more. Just the one more? Yep. All right. Thank you to Patreon subscriber... Lachlan Down. Lachlan Comedy? Okay, sure.

Yeah, thanks, Lachlan. Thanks, guys. See you, mates. Bye-bye.