The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 512 - Shaun Micallef & Dave O'Neil

Episode Date: July 22, 2020

This week Timmy and Kyle have paired up the Fat Loser DAVE O'NEIL with his old Full Frontal buddy SHAUN MICALLEF! We hear about the origins of Dave's recurring character on the 90's sketch show, as well as gigging in prisons and opening lewd fan mail, before getting stuck into the topic of booze - B&S Balls, getting blind on the couch and Micallef's new documentary 'On The Sauce'. PLUS in Talking Dum Dum, we open the mailbag for the first time! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, dropping in at the start of the episode to let you know that currently on littledumbdumbclub.com you can now buy face masks with the Little Dumb Dumb Club burger logo on them. Yes, it's a very 2020 product. Head to the website, buy yourself a mask, cover your face, do the right thing and look like a huge cool podcast fan while you do it. They're available now for pre-order, they're shipping soon, littledumbdumbclub.com. Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club,

a brand new episode with guests Sean McAuliffe and Dave O'Neill. Enjoy this episode with two of the greats. You can also support The Little Dumb Dumb Club on Patreon, can't you, Carl? You certainly can, patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. You can hear more about that in talking dum-dum at the end of this episode when you find out how did we manage to book dave o'neill what a get enjoy this episode with sean mccullough and dave o'neill Hey, mates.

Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. And with me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Kyle Chandler, actually. Kyle Chandler. As one of our guests knows us. Sorry, very inappropriate of me.

Let's welcome our guests into the show today. Two very special guests, Dave O'Neill and Sean McAuliffe. Hey, poofs. Ignore that, please. Sorry, Sean. That's my catchphrase. Ignore that. Timmy, Kyle, lovely to see you again.

Steve, always great. Steve, you're not even giving him the same first letter. His name, wow. I thought he was going to be Hughesy. Steve O'Neill. I don't mind that, actually. Steve O'Neill sounds like a skateboarder. Yeah I thought it was going to be Husey. Steve O'Neill. I don't mind that, actually. Steve O'Neill sounds like a skateboarder. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, you're right. Steve O'Neill. I do remember many years ago when – sorry, Kyle. Many years ago when I met Dave, and Dave was doing a show with Husey and Kate. This was way back in the Triple R days, Dave, you might remember. Oh, yeah. And I was calling you Dave and I was calling Husey Dave and you took me aside.

You said, look, call Husey Husey. Don't call him – because I never called him Husey. And I refuse to call Husey Husey, but professionally I have to do that. Like whenever we publicly appear, like wherever we're on air or something like that, I have to call him Husey, even though I feel it's undignified and I shouldn't be to do that. Like whenever we publicly appear, like wherever we're on air or something like that, I have to call him Hughsy, even though I feel it's undignified and I shouldn't be calling him that. You know, do what we do,

is we give him a little bit of respect and a little bit of legitimacy. We just call him Hughes. That sounds like very business-like, but you sort of get the gist of his nickname. Well, when we moved to Nova, there was a big conversation about who was going to be Dave and who was going to be,

if I was going to be O'Neill or he was going to be Hughsey. I wanted a nickname like the big guy, you know, Hughsey, Kate and the big guy, you know. You've already got a nickname because Dave, of course, is a diminutive of David. Yes. I'm sure you'll – did your parents call you David? Never.

Oh, sorry, sorry. I thought you were going to say Dave. No, they still call me David, Mum and Dad, but they don't call me Dave ever. Well, you both worked on a show Full Frontal. Full Frontal. You worked together on a show called Full Frontal. That's where we met. Yes. Now,

maybe a nickname comes out of this in that you both wrote on it. Now, what we found out relatively recently is that you were, of course, Sean was a breakout star of four on front of start of the writer became on screen and took off from there whereas you pretty much just wrote on it except for a small little cameo character that we've recently found out about well you played a and i'm surprised more people don't remember this sean you especially i

don't know if you wrote this part for him but he was called Fat Loser. Fat Loser. Sean remembers the Fat Loser. That didn't come as a nickname or just as a noun for you? I do remember that it was a recurring role too. And Dave, as the Fat Loser, would turn up basically as a punchline for sketches that didn't have one. But I didn't write it.

I didn't write it. I assumed that Dave had written it, but I might be wrong there. No, I didn't write it. I didn't write it. I assumed that Dave had written it, but I might be wrong there. No, I didn't write the initial one. I don't know. And then Doug McLeod wrote a song called The Fat Loser Song, which Kyle over here sent to me. He found it on the internet. I was so hoping that Sean had written it because, you know,

as a comedy connoisseur, just going through the sketch I watched, which was literally like it's all silent. It's Benny Hill style. Well, I would have gone more Mr. Bean style. I sit on a park bench. It's you with the, you know, you can't use any dialogue. So it's just a classic visual comedy. And the visual comedy is this, a bird poos on you.

Yes. You have a coffee and the cappuccino froth is still on your mouth afterwards. You open a beer and it goes all over the place. Yeah. And you can't sort of ride a BMX very well. Yes. That's it.

No, I also still- Charlie Chaplin was killing himself in his grave. I sit on a park bench and get up on the stripes from my back. Remember? Oh, yeah, yeah. But not only is this a silent sketch, it's also happening while the credits are rolling. Yeah. So there's barely even that much respect given to the visual element.

Oh, hang on a minute. Half of it is obscured. It's silent comedy and I'm describing the audience. That's always a sign, isn't it, Sean, that it's a bad sketch you've put under the credits, I reckon. Yeah, that wouldn't have been written to be used under the sketch. You knew that the sketch hadn't landed if it was used. But mind you, it was a musical number so it probably it might have been intended to be used as a as a credit roll but i know that

from my own experience whenever one of my sketches turned out to be a credit roll i it was a failure absolutely it's the thinking maybe that like hey maybe someone in the cast has a funny name yeah and then if that's kind of going over the top of the sketch that'll kind of that's a way of punching up the sketches if you name the key grip. There's a moment in Thank God You're Here. If you ever did Thank God You're Here, you remember that show, don't you guys? It was on Channel 10.

If you're in Thank God You're Here and you got to the stage where one of the characters got you to do a little dance, said, oh, you've got to do that little dance, if you got to that stage, you know that you had died all the way through because what they did was they'd let it play out. And if you managed to get three or four minutes of reasonable laughs, then that would be they'd blow the horn and then Tom, you know, Gleisner would talk to you.

But if you were giving them nothing, they just kept rolling through, desperately trying to find something. And then if you got asked to dance you realised that was the very last question. Right. That's the ripcord. So then if you're born when you're dancing, all of a sudden someone comes out and goes, Professor Hinklebottom, this is the time when you pull your pants down, isn't it?

Well, God knows what would happen. It'd be like entering a black hole. I think if you didn't get laughs from the dance, God knows what would happen. No, well, what happened was the fat loser would walk on stage. Yes, yes. Oh, my God. Roll credits, roll credits.

It's a much-loved fat loser character. Someone's trying to roll credits live in the studio in front of the actual stage. Ed Cavill, you're like, is that a BMX I hear? Being badly written in that direction. I never did that show, but that looked horrifying, that show. It looked so scary. Oh, really?

That was scary. I never left of an evening when I did Thank God You're Here where I didn't beat myself up. You know, it was nerve-wracking going in. The performance was okay if it went okay, but then afterwards you'd go, oh, you play that I coulda, shoulda, woulda game, you know, on your way home. Tony Martin and I used to ring each other and, you know,

almost burst into tears. You know, it was... Yeah. Well, we can tell you as stand-ups, if no one talks to you, it's been a bad gig. Yeah. They can't look you in the eye. That's it.

That's always a sign that it wasn't that great. Well, the only time that... You shouldn't be upset just because Ed Cavalier didn't laugh within the sketch, Sean, because that's his job. So you didn't bother. Oh, okay. I did like playing to Ed. Ed was always very, very dependable.

But the only time that I ever did anything where no one talked to me afterwards was when I appeared on a morning show on Channel 10 hosted by – it was a fellow from New Zealand. Oh, that was short-lived. Yes, it was a short-lived breakfast show. Wake Up? Yes. Was that what it was called?

Paul Henry? Very angry, man. It was a short-lived breakfast show. Wake Up? Yes, that's it. Paul Henry? Very angry man. Paul Henry was the fellow. And I remember I did that show and I was – before I went on, I said to the publicist because I was supposed to be advertising, thank God – no, talking about your generation. And I said, do you mind if I have a bit of fun? I'm not that keen on this conversation topic which was, you know,

do old people. It was something about generation, generation next or something like that. And I said, do you mind if I just muck around? Would that be okay? Is that the sort of show where you can do that? She said, yeah, no, no. They like people having fun. So I went on and had fun, you know, wandered around and picked up props and lay on tables

and didn't answer questions and generally acted like a goob. Yeah. And I thought, oh, this has gone well. And I walked off and no one would look me in the eye. It wasn't just a question of them not talking to me. No one, not even the publicist. I said, oh, well, that seemed to go okay. And she just looked down like, you know,

someone had slapped a cake out of her hand or something. It was terrible. The last gig I ever did before this COVID hit, I did Duntroon. Next to Duntroon, it's like a school for uni students that are going to become soldiers. The Defence Academy. Okay. And it was a fight.

Duntroon, I thought this was like the last gig you did was during Gallipoli or something. So they're all army, but 90% young men, 10% women, and the woman in charge was like the captain like the the major who was in charge and I thought I went pretty cool I mean there were some like there seemed to be a lot of international people there was a Scottish guy yelling out and I said oh you're from Scotland and I said to like an Asian man where are you from and he goes Melbourne I'm like yeah I thought so mate anyway I kept moving on and as I walked walked off stage, all she said to me was,

we're going to get complaints. So COVID hits and you're thinking, thank God, I'm never going to have to hear about that because this is really taking people's attention away. Yeah, we're going to get complaints. Anyway. What the hell kind of act? No, I'm going to hold you to this.

What kind of act were you doing? What are you, Don Rickles? You come out and you see somebody with features that aren't quite like yours and you immediately start picking on them? To be fair, I picked on a lot of them. There was a fat guy and I said, so they were Army, Air Force and Navy, and I said, which bit of the military are you? And he goes, I'm in the Air Force.

And I said, how do the planes take off? Oh, wow. Wow. This poor guy who's turned up to the gig cosplaying as his hero, Fat Loser, and you've picked on him. Wow. I'm fat, so I can do – but they would all bang the tables like this when I would do an insult.

So I just – yeah, I turned into Don Rickles that night. I just kept insulting them. But you hit a speed hump occasionally. Sean, if we – McDonald's wrinkles. Sean, if we can do this, we'll pick up a little bit of business from a couple of months ago on our show

where somehow when I was doing some research for a guest, I stumbled across on IMDB. There's like an offshoot. There was a little link on the side. I was looking up someone and I saw there was a list that someone had put up. It said top 10 or top 20 aussie comedians dot dot dot and so i clicked on it and when the title expanded it was top 20

aussie comedians dot dot dot that i'd like to root oh yeah and so i i look and i was like i don't know who's using imdb like porn hub but for some reason there's a list there that said that and i and it was a 10 year old, and we went through the list because a lot of the comedians we knew, and we read out the list and whatever, and you, Sean McAuliffe, were on the list. So congratulations. I'm sure your management's already let you know about that. What number approximately?

I don't know. I remember like Tommy Little was high. It was all the good – Thornton was – No, no, no, no, no. I don't think – Thornton wasn't in it. This is 10 years ago. There was no Tommy Little.

Oh, that's right. So anyway, what happened was – It doesn't have to be in order, does it? It could be just an orgy. It could be like an all-in. That's it. That's it. That's it.

If she's picking 20 people, I don't think she's that fussy. She didn't need to number any of them. But so somehow – we read this out on the show and we talked about it a lot – and someone that listens knew the person involved and so hit them up and so 10 years later i was able to contact them and say would you be able to update your list of who you're currently horny for and and after she blocked me which was a thing that actually happened after she blocked me her friends then told them to unblock me and and say this is all part of a podcast that they listen to it's legitimate it's It's fine. It's funny. It's whatever. And so I contacted her, and I said, would you mind updating the list?

And she said, and her name was Hayley. I won't give the full name, but her name's Hayley. And I asked her to update the list. She said, oh, God, the thought of doing that is making my palms sweat. I'm no longer as thirsty as I was as a 20-year-old who was yet to learn how much most dudes actually suck. And I truly don't even have a fantasy bone list anymore as I'm too scared anyone I put on it will turn out to actually be a monster who's

immediately cancelled dot dot dot but I guess Sean McAuliffe can still absolutely get it so that's reassuring that I haven't been removed from the bone list not only have you not been removed you are I think the sole removed from the bone list. Yes. Not only have you not been removed, you are, I think, the sole survivor from 10 years ago.

Wow. That's frightening on a number of levels. I remember you guys speculating, how old is she now, though? I think she was about 19 maybe at the time, so she'd be about 29 now. Okay, all right. Yeah, so still got it. Sean McAuliffe, official.

And there were some big names on that list too. I'm very pleased. I guess, was she worried, Carl, when right. Yeah, so still got it. Sean McAuliffe, official. And there was a big name on that list too. I'm very pleased. I guess, was she worried, Carl, when you contacted her that you were kind of push polling and wanted to be on the list? Was that what she was worried about? No, no. Probably a few pictures attached to Carl's message trying to get himself over the line.

I think just generally it was a creepy request coming from someone she'd never heard of. But I also did like that she's very clearly a big comedy fan and when i did approach her she blocked me and she'd absolutely never heard of tommy and i so even for a deep deep comedy fan she still thought we were absolute creepy randoms that she wanted nothing to do with so that was that was pretty cool. Yeah. I think with the experience, I think if you meet a comedian, if you go to a stand-up venue and you go backstage and you meet the comedians, it would kind of turn you off. There might be something.

The reality of it would be, nah, this is not a good idea. I think anyone who's started out going to gigs and been turned on by the idea of hooking up with a comedian, if maybe they've done it once, they're like, oh, this is not a good idea. I think anyone who's like started out going to gigs and been turned on by the idea of hooking up with a comedian, if maybe they've done it once, they're like, oh, this is awful. This is the most self-absorbed person that you could ever be with. This is destroying the fantasy for me. Dave and I, when Dave and I started, we were writing for the Jim Owen television comedy show on Channel 7.

So this is back in 1994. And Jim used to get lots of, I'm sure he won't mind me saying, telling this part of the story, but he would receive lots and lots of correspondence, lots of letters from female fans and maybe male fans too who were really taken with him as a romantic fella because, you know, and it's unusual to have a comic who is, you know, who is kind of like a sex symbol because most comics become comics because they look kind of weird.

A fat loser. A fat loser. Yeah. But it's a defence mechanism. Like if you're a jock on campus, you're probably not going to be the funniest guy in the world because you don't need to have that particular trick in your arsenal. Exactly.

So Jim was unusual in that he he was a funny very funny and b considered enormously good i mean i find him a very attractive man but a lot of people uh really really kind of loved him you know he was a bit of a sex symbol and and he would receive letters apparently on imdb but yeah he was on the list oh okay all All right. But they would send pictures of themselves in various states of disrobe. Oh. And so he would go through the correspondence. And again, I'm sure he won't mind me saying this, but he'd throw a letter over in a picture and say, look, look at that.

It was just a very interesting sociological experiment. Okay. Well, I'm glad he was the one throwing it over because I was about to say, well well i've written in plenty of writers rooms and i not part of my job has been to go through the stars mail and go through their pictures and correspondence from fans no i didn't have to do it no i didn't have to nor did i nor did i want to i felt it felt wrong to look at such a thing that's the bit of the story i really like like what a bygone era you know now it's just like someone slides into the dm of a comedian they like and sends a nude the idea of the story I really like. Like what a bygone era. You know, now it's just like someone slides into the DM of a comedian they like and sends a nude.

The idea of sending a nude photo to the Channel 7 publicity department in the post and just being like, can you just pass this on? It's just, that's a whole other step. That's real commitment. Just getting the phone. Have you guys ever, not in a romantic sense, but have you guys ever written to, when you were kids, did you ever write to somebody who you really admired?

I remember writing to – like as a 12-year-old, writing to Jerry Lewis, thinking that he would read a letter and send a letter back because that never happened. But did you ever try and reach out and connect with – I did with sports people. I did with soccer players when I was a kid and I got the – I've still got them. I've still got like personally signed photographs and stuff. Tommy used to come to –

That's nice. Tommy used to come to Live OBs for Nova. Yeah, when I was in high school. When I was in year 12, I did media studies and I made this documentary that was very John Safran inspired and I wrote to him on – I guess his email address was online somewhere and said, oh, I've done this film for my year 12 project that I'd love you to see and get your feedback on it.

And he just gave me his home address. He was like, yeah, pop it in the mail and post it to me. And so it was not too far from where I lived. I walked past his house and put it in the mailbox. And I remember just thinking, this is so strange that this guy just gave out his home address to someone on the internet. It's a nice thing though. Very nice.

I've never heard anything back so I probably hated it. I've said this before on the show a long time ago I think but Rolf Harris once came to my hometown of Meriborough and I loved his TV show and as a child I got my parents to bring me up to meet him and I brought a picture that I'd drawn and I wanted him to sign it and he looked at me and went, no thanks mate.

So I was the one child that Rolf Harris rejected. Oh dear. Oh, that's sad. Very sad. Very sad. I mean, good. Why would he do that? In hindsight, good that I was rejected by Rolf Harris

but still a bit of fronting at the time. Well, I got that 12-year-old. No, you'd be about 10 from doing warm-up on your show, Sean, on the Michaela program on the ABC. And so I would do warm-up, and it was a big day when Sean got me in the office because I was writing on the show, and he said, I want to expand.

Going through the fan mail and the pictures, obviously. Yeah, I had to do that. From what was her name? That girl. From Hayley. From Hayley. And Sean said, I want to expand your role on the show. I'm thinking, well, cast member, definitely.

But no, warm-up man. Great. And I used to talk to the audience a lot. Then the next day I got a phone call. This was before mobiles. On my landline. And this kid called, he goes, hi, it's Tim here. I'm like, oh, yeah, and this kid called, he goes, hi, it's Tim here.

I'm like, oh, yeah, who are you? And he goes, oh, I was in the crowd last night, and I looked you up in the phone book. And I said, oh, what do you want? He goes, I want to be your friend. Oh, great. I said, oh, you can't be my friend. I'm like a 35-year-old man.

It's not a good look, Tim. And anyway, then he would ring up, and he would ring up reverse charges from a public phone box. And so you'd be at home. And that man ended up being Mark Zuckerberg. That's how he invented Facebook. Well, Dave and I have talked about this before, and my theory was that he was looking for a mentor or a father figure.

Indeed, I think he was, wasn't he? Is that right? He kind of looked up to you. Well, when he rang up reverse charges, the operator would say, we have a Tim from Geelong. I go, no, no. And you could hear in the background going,

come on, I don't have a dad. Oh, no. No way. I don't know whether he was making it up or what. And then he only stopped ringing when my girlfriend picked up the phone and abused him and said, don't ring again. You're really annoying.

That's blah, blah. But then about two years later, I talked about it on the Mark Malloy show. And I got home and there was a message on my answering machine. It was just Tim. He went, it's Tim, I'm back. Just like the cable guy. It was unbelievable. It's Tim, I'm back.

Tim. I don't mind it. I wouldn't mind being hit up. You know, as you get older, it gets harder to just like organically make new friends. I wouldn't mind someone just reaching out and going primary school style, just someone hitting you up and going, hey, I want to mind it. I wouldn't mind being hit up. You know, as you get older, it gets harder to just like organically make new friends. I wouldn't mind someone just reaching out and going primary school style, just someone hitting you up and going, hey, I want to be friends. All right, I'll try it on. Honestly, has there ever been a good relationship where it started with someone going, can we

please be friends? I want to try it. I'm going to try and get the one. What a great story. Just introducing people like, yeah, how'd you guys become friends? Oh, he just DM'd me on Facebook and I took a punt. Some guy started talking to me at a gig, John, and he rings me up a fair bit.

He's like a shoe salesman. So he just drives around Victoria and he often rings me up. I have a chat to him. So yeah, I made friends with him. There's nothing wrong with that. You're not fussy enough, though. I find that John's actually team. Have you ever had anybody listen to the little,

you've got a loyal fan base, I'm sure, the Little Dum Dum Club. Are there people who correspond with you regularly? Oh, yeah. Don't worry about that. That's why I was bewildered by Tommy saying he was welcoming this sort of behaviour because we get nothing but sort of unrequited love slash abuse from the people that listen to this show. So we've just officially got our own post box

and I've opened it up this morning to find various forms of abuse in there already today. It's been active for a week. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Carl's number's out there too. Yeah, my phone number's out there so not a day goes by without some form of veiled abuse or outright abuse.

But that's why I'm saying someone is visiting. I'm sure it's ironic though. I'm sure it's ironic because, Carl, you opened the show by saying to Tommy, you're one of your best friends. Hello, dickhead. So I think probably people are entering into the spirit of it and they feel that the abuse is good-natured and you shouldn't take it seriously.

I think if they start cutting off portions of their body and posting them to you, then you probably should contact the police. It's early days for the PO box. I think that's coming. And it's quite a big post box as well, so there is the actual volume available. What about prison? Have you had any correspondence from prison, you guys?

Any jailbirds? Yeah, a little bit. We had someone a couple of years ago hit us up, like on the day he walked out of prison or something, just telling us how we got him through it or something like that. Well, it's true. I mean, I did one gig in prison, and they would be big fans of your show because they've got nothing to do.

The guy said to me – And they would get the ABC. Yeah, and he said to me, when's Randling coming back? That was Andrew Denton. And I said – He had five years taken off his sentence for watching that. That was a short-lived show. But at what price?

And I said, mate, you're the only person who's ever mentioned Randall to me ever. And he goes, well, we've got nothing to do in here and it's repeated at night. He goes, I have a lift weight to watch the ABC. That's it. Great. So they would be huge, Michaela. And they would listen to podcasts. It's so backhanded, Dave. Like, yeah, they'd be fans of you, Sean, because they've got huge, Michaela. And they would listen to podcasts. It's so backhanded, Dave.

Like, yeah, they'd be fans of you, Sean, because they've got nothing else to do. People with plenty to do are fans of Sean. That sounds like the sort of text I get from these idiots, Dave. You don't say it face to face. Where's that nice mad as hell night guys gather around the TV? I like that. When I was at university, of course I joined the debating club.

Of course. Of course I did. And so we would go around and you debated other universities. And you can imagine, you know, there'd be a nothing and cheese afternoon and you'd debate each other. And one of the debates took place at Yatla Labour Prison. Debates took place at Yatla Labour Prison. So I and two of my friends, we agreed that we would debate the Yatla prisoner team.

And that was the first time. Wow. Fantastic. It was great. It was really, really interesting. I'd never been inside a prison before. And these were people who were, you know, they'd pretty recently serious crimes I guess in order to be incarcerated in the

serious bit of the jail and we went into the kind of common room area there was a table tennis table and an area, a very small area of books and we had the debate and I must say that Sean, did they think that you were the parole board, by the way?

Well, the solicitor signed up. Thank God. I was 18 years old, 18 and a half years old, no experience of life at all, not much, apart from the age, not much different to how I am now. But the conversations I had with the prisoners that I did meet surprised me. These are people who I'm sure would love watching Mad as Hell. There's no reason to think that at all.

And I'll tell you another thing that I've spoken to a few people who, you know, not a lot of people but a number of people who have been in prison and they love Hard Quiz. They have a really good relationship with Hard Quiz. Yeah. How did the debate go? How did the debate go? How did the debate go? We threw it. There's no

way that I would have... You let them win. I wanted to get out of there alive. I had to walk out with a shiv in the back. Okay, today's topic. What the fuck are you looking at? Wow. When I did a prison, there was one guard with a walkie-talkie.

There's no guns. They didn't have a gun, and she was just sitting on the front looking really bored. Why did Stan? But then afterwards, they all just come up and hug you. These guys, medium security, they're all hugging you and stuff. It doesn't show a lot of confidence in your own abilities, Dave, when you're turning up and you're like,

can these guards be armed? Because I'm thinking I'm going to really bomb here, so I need help. I'm going to pull out some of my racial gear that I put out of my gigs. At Duntroon. Did you do your Don Rickles act or were you too scared? No, I did a bit of it.

There was a guy with red hair and glasses and I said, do you work in the library? And he goes, yeah, how did you know that? And I said, I've seen Shawshank Redemption. That's what I said. You do topical stuff. Bit of local gear. Hey, they'd all seen Shawshank Redemption.

Bit of Rita Hayworth gear in there. I don't understand why people love Shawshank Redemption. It always seems to be on everybody's top list of things. It's on footballers. Footballers love it. Why is that? It's only just because it's a dumb person's smart movie, I think. It has all the appearance of an epic and a smart, intelligent movie.

Well, Carl, answer me this. How did Tim Robbins manage to stick back the poster after he'd gone through the hole in the wall? How did he manage to fix it back on? Because once he's through, your hand wouldn't be able to go out and put the blue tack back on. Blue tack. I'll answer this question about the film you wrote.

Go on. Yeah, yeah. It's a good question, Sean. Under my pen name, Stephen King, this is the solution. The other thing was, of course, he's wearing a suit. He steals the warden's suit. Okay, Tim Robbins is about 6'8", and the warden is probably about 6', maybe 6', maybe 5', 11",

or something like that. There's no way he could fit into that suit. These are the problems I had with it. I didn't like it. You know, Sean, Nathan Barkley told me once he gets every new Collingwood player to watch Gattaca because he said, you know Gattaca? You ever seen Gattaca?

Yeah, I had to study it in year 12. Oh, fantastic movie. Do you know that movie, Sean? I do. I know it well. It's kind of based on Brave New World, isn't it? It's kind of adapted from the Aldous Huxley book, yeah. Because football players like it because it shows you need,

what is it, strength, determination and a little bit of luck to win. Right. You could say the same about Ratatouille. Just show them that. Chuck on a bit of Pixar at the start of the season. Well, Shawshank Redemption has been usurped by Anchorman, I think, in terms of the number one footballer movie. So it's funny how it goes from, it's like, no, this is our smart movie.

It's like, no, all bets are off. We're absolute dumb fucks. We're into Anchorman now. Anchorman. That would be a good, if you're an Australian filmmaker, try to make the film that's going to be the new go-to AFL football favourite when they get asked in interviews because that's just years of free publicity for you.

Oh, yeah. Just getting mentioned in interviews. Well, that might happen. I mean, I've started watching Relic on Stan with Robin Nevin. Maybe that'll be taken up. The new Anchorman. I don't think so. A single man. I don't think so. A single woman.

I don't think so. How to make an American quilt might come in before. For little women, the new little women, which is very good. If we can get into this slightly, you do have a new show, a new three-part show coming out on the ABC that everyone can watch. It's already started as this episode comes out, but you can get on iView and watch episode one again. As Tommy and I have already, it's Sean McAuliffe on the source,

and it's you going into, I guess, the culture of drinking in Australia at the very least, I guess. And we've watched episode one. Excellent. And I'm very glad, I have to say, coming into it, I did presume that you were coming into it i did presume that you were coming into it as a sort of a bulky bartotamus sort of character where you you'd never drunk before and you're like so what is alcohol the oxford dictionary describes alcohol

as blah blah but i'm happy to know that you actually did used to drink uh in your uni days before you um before you quit so you're tackling it from it from a non-virginal aspect, I guess. Yeah, yeah. I thought it was important to make it clear that I wasn't, you know, Louis Thoreau, you know, that I'd actually had way too much alcohol when I was at university, you know. And for me, way too much meant probably two or three glasses and I'd kind of be drunk pretty quickly. So I never really had a, I didn't really ever have

a healthy or moderated sort of relationship with alcohol. It was always to get pissed, you know, I just assumed that was what it was for. And indeed, even now, even after my experience of making the documentary, I still don't really see much point in alcohol unless you feel the effects of it. So unless you feel that euphoria and maybe you can pull yourself back from, you know, overdoing it. I just don't understand the point of it. and that it is such a harbinger of shared experience for so many people in this country that I always felt I was never really part of the fun if I went out and sort of sat down on a chair and you kind of watched people enjoying themselves rather than enjoyed myself with them in the same way. So I wanted to try and get why it was a helpful thing and also, you know, learn about what it did as well.

I mean, we can see the effects of having too much of it, but just other things that maybe we don't see, the nature of alcohol itself. Because what – I don't know whether this is interesting. Please, by all means, cut it if it's too dull. But the reason that – Edit point. Edit point.

Edit point. Edit point. Yeah, edit point. I'll leave a gap. Okay, now. Cut back into the story of us going, oh, so anyway, I fell over in the park the other day. Yeah, yeah. Well, you may well tell me.

This might be the dullest thing in the world, but I kind of found it interesting. Hey, you're forgetting, Sean. You're forgetting we've got Fat Loser here to spice it up as well. I'll come in at the end, Sean. Don't worry about it. Here you go. Go. I'll feel free to chip in during it, please.

So when our ancestors, like when our ancestors were around, I think why are we evolved to process alcohol in the way that we do and why is it a thing in nature? And the reason it's a thing in nature is because when we jumped out of the trees and we were kind of wandering around looking for food, we were foragers, we might not eat every day. We might eat every couple of days so that when we did come across food, like for example, some overripe fruit that had fallen from a tree, we would smell that

sweetness of the overripening fruit. And we actually had receptors that picked up alcohol. And the reason that we sat down and ate so much of it is because alcohol has an aperitif effect. It actually makes us hungry. So we would consume more than we needed, more than we would burn off, and we would store that and it would last us, help us survive a couple of days. So that's why alcohol is an important thing in the evolution of humanity. Of course, what we did was once we quite enjoyed that effect, we then started monkeying around with it and distilling it and making it more concentrated. And, you know, maybe you could argue that probably didn't work out so well. Anytime we fuck around with the natural order of things, Frankenstein style, you know, it doesn't turn out well.

You were a very good teacher until you said fucking then. You'd be a very good teacher, Sean. And you came and filmed at the Grandview Hotel where I run comedy. I used to run comedy because Hughsey was on, and Hughsey's the famous teetotaler. We didn't want to talk to you. We didn't want to talk to you. We wanted to talk to the other Dave, the other David.

Although I understand you don't drink, do you, Dave? You don't drink? No, I have a beer occasionally, but I'm not a big drinker. I've only had drinks for months. It is a thing at gigs where if we see Dave at gigs, and I'll generally be like, I won't even offer him a drink, but if you do take a drink, it's a bit of a moment of, hey, everyone, come over and have a look at Dave drink.

Yeah, that's how rare it is. Yeah, it's like a dog walking on his hind legs. It's really interesting. Yes. Yeah, I've never been a big drinker. I liked marijuana in the 80s. In fact, when my wife met me, she said I was addicted to marijuana. I said, no, I wasn't.

She said, you had a little machine that used to roll your own joints. And I said, didn't everyone have one of those? Apparently not. You're addicted. She's right. I think you were just trying to cover for your munchies. Yes. I think you were.

Well, that's the thing. But it was funny because you came and watched Husey, but you were sitting in the crowd and Husey said, every time I looked down, Sean was sitting there staring at me. I don't think he laughed very much. No, he should be happy because we managed to find a shot of me laughing probably at something else and we cut it in so it looked like I was reacting to it. It was like one of those Dean Martin celebrity roasts, you know,

where everyone's laughing way too much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. I love your response to the documentary, Carl, because, yeah, Sean, in the documentary you do talk about, like, the attitude that a lot of people have of, like, if someone around them isn't drinking, it's like, you know, why aren't you drinking? Like, people question you if you're not having a drink

and i love you know carl watching that and taking it in and in his head thinking this asshole better have a fucking drink in this documentary i swear to god just absolutely proving the point i do like the conceit that you have at the start where sean you're saying you know i need to know about alcohol because i have some teenage sons and I need to be able to, you know what I'm saying when I'm giving them advice. Now, look, that all sounds good, but when I was 17 and I was out on a friend's farm upside down on their mother's exercise equipment, sculling bottles of Drambuie, I wasn't sort of thinking,

oh, what did my parents think about this? Was this a good or a bad thing? What did Dad say in his doco about this? Yeah, yeah, exactly. I don't think it's 17 years of age where you're really soaking in a lot of advice about alcohol from your parents. I think that's very true. I think that's very true.

I think what I think a parent's job is to do is to draw these helpful lines which they know aren't going to stop anybody. It's not like you're building a wall. You're just saying, hey, here's the line. Here's the parental line, knowing full well that your children are going to step over it. But at least they know they're stepping over a line. At least they know that they're being kind of outlawed. There's an outlaw aspect to any child discovering things.

But if you don't set any lines at all to cross, then I think they could easily walk off a cliff. You've just got to kind of, I think you've got to kind of set these rules up knowing that they're going to be completely ignored. But at least, you know, they're aware, the children are aware they're ignoring them. They're aware that they're breaking rules.

They're aware that there are rules. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you make the rules, sorry, you make the rules really, really stupid and you draw the line really, really close so that if they do overstep them, they're not going to walk off that cliff. Sean, I heard you saying on radio that you had an argument with your son and he called you a glorified clown. Is that? Yes.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Is that true? Which one was it? Was it the oldest one or the? It was my youngest boy. We were having a disagreement about something, and one of these lines that I was attempting to draw in the sand was,

you know, we were discussing that as it was being drawn. And, yes, I found that the expression glorified clown, which I'm quite happy to call my autobiography that if I ever get around to writing it. I quite like that as a title. That just struck me as being a very, very, that was a very, very smart put down. I'm very proud of him.

Yeah, it is good. I remember there was a guy getting tiling work done across the road and this older guy was out there doing it and he looked up at me and he goes, oh, you're that clown. What's your name again? I said, oh, Dave O'Neill. He goes, yeah, you're that clown. What's your name again? I said, oh, Dave O'Neill. He goes, yeah, you're a good clown. I went, no, I'm a comedian.

He goes, yeah, you're a clown. Do you know Rags the Clown? I'm like, I don't know. How old was this guy? He was 65. And he kept talking. He goes, Rags the Clown. You must know.

I said, mate, comedians and clowns are different. He goes, so you tell jokes and that? I go, yeah. He goes, you're a clown. He was convinced I was a clown, this guy. Well, he's not mate, comedians and clowns are different. He goes, so you tell jokes and that? I go, yeah. He goes, you're a clown. He was convinced I was a clown, this guy. Well, he's not wrong, is he? No, he's not wrong. Yeah, but to be fair, the scariest bit in the movie It

isn't when Eddie Murphy comes up out of the sewers. Yes, doing stand-up. I like the idea that the guidance that your son might take from this documentary is watching it and you're trying to give advice about responsible consumption and everything, and then just the idea of your child watching it and just seeing someone doing a shoo-ee and just going, yeah, that gives me an idea.

Thanks, Dad. That's my big takeaway. It is interesting to see you, Sean. So you're on the drink back in the day, and it's enlightening, I guess, because you hear and see the bad things that happen to you under the influence of alcohol um bit of a discovery you used to do theater sports yuck that's embarrassing i know i know i wish people hadn't found out about it i actually did the i actually did the abc version i know you guys might have been very young when that was on, back in 1984.

I remember it. I did used to watch it. I remember it. It's pre-me. Was Glyn Nicholas in it? Was Glyn Nicholas in it? Glyn wasn't in one of the teams. Glyn was actually, he kind of hosted it in South Australia.

Actually, Geoffrey Rush hosted it too. Geoffrey Rush and Glyn hosted it. But on the TV show, Glyn Robbins was in one the TV show, Glenn Robbins was in one of the teams. Andrew Denton was in one of the teams. I think George Kapaniaris was in one of the teams. There were some people who, you know, eventually went on to earn their living in a professional and less shameful way than doing theatre sports.

But we got bounced pretty early. I remember that. We got sent home not being good enough. But then one of the guys, one of the judges, by the name of Paul Chubb, ended up being head of comedy at the ABC and he was the first one to give me a job on the ABC with the McCullough program.

Oh, there you go. So I'm indebted to it for that reason. Yeah, I did remember him from the clip. He used to be on some sort of... He was a comedian, wasn't he, Paul Chubb? He was on some other ABC show. He was an actor, wasn't he, Paul Chubb? Yeah, he was an actor. He often played comic roles, though. In fact, you might remember there was

an ad for bread, which was sort of like a... He was dressed like a medieval baker or something, and there was a pig involved and a buxom woman and... I'm starting to see why he became the head of ABC. That is a pretty good qualification.

Yeah, I'm starting to feel like a sandwich. He was in a few iconic movies too, Paul Chubb, wasn't he? He played like a redneck in something. Actually, I've completely got it wrong. No, it was Dennis Watkins who was the head of the ABC. Paul Chubb was the host. These are two different guys. I was going the ABC. Paul Chubb was the host. These are two different guys.

I was going to say, Paul Chubb sounds like the Clark Kent alias of the Fat Loser. Yes. Pre-Fat Loser. Before he gets the ice cream cone, he's mild-mannered Paul Chubb. Yeah, yeah. Before he slips on the radioactive banana peel

and becomes Fat Loser. Yeah. Well, I'm just glad Shane Jacobson turned up later in my career because he would have got all the roles that I had in the 2000s like the nugget

he would have definitely been the fat guy in the nugget for sure for sure now part of the show Sean is

what I did take my fancy in the first episode was that you discover the world of B&S balls bachelor and spinster balls

which because I am like I said I'm from Meribor it's a town of like 8,000 people it's a small town and so a lot of people um that i knew used to go to these balls um to get violently drunk and in fact when you um are discovering that that world on on your show you are talking to a guy from talbot now you pronounce it talbot which i'm surprised didn't get your bash there but I look

because it is quite close to Mirabarra, I looked this guy up on Facebook and he is actually from Mirabarra. He's from the town I'm from. So not only did I discover that from looking up his Facebook page, I also discovered some very interesting views he has on the

coronavirus at the moment. Where it comes from. And what we should be doing about it. So, yeah, that's very classic Mirabar mentality. That's for another podcast. I'd be very interested to hear all that. What an engaged viewer just seeing people in the background of Shotgun. I wonder where they're from.

Just Googling. But very interesting world, the B&S Balls. I mean, you cover this on the show, but it's there ostensibly for people, for city kids like you, Tommy, and even you, Dave, there for people that are from remote communities and just people way out in the farm. It was their only way of meeting anyone, you know, once a year or whenever it was,

but now it's sort of just a, you know, obviously you've got better ways of meeting each other now, but it's still a very hugely populated sort of get-together. What I was wondering, Sean, when you were shooting it was, you're popping up and going in the gate at the start and coming out at the end or whatever. Did you actually camp there? Were you in this sort of very rural beer fest there for the whole time?

I would think so. Well, the original plan was for me to, yeah, I mean, I spent a bit of time with, I kind of went with a couple of guys who were very much looking forward to it. And the idea was that I would sleep in their ute. Yes, great. And be there for the whole day, all of the night, and then get up in the morning and have whatever passed for breakfast,

you know, that was going on there just to see what the after effects were. And it got to about 10 o'clock. Like I was there all day and there was a whole lot of stuff going on in the car park. Circle work? They were doing circle work. I think that had been outlawed,

but they were certainly lighting some fluid in their exhaust pipes and you could see huge projections of fire coming out and a lot of drinking going on. And then, of course, about 8 o'clock you go into the portaloos and change, or rather I did, but I think most people just took their gear off and put their dinner suits on and then at their finery. And then you would go into the shed and drink some more and throw food dye on each other, which is something that I didn't particularly want to happen because I don't know if you've noticed, but I've got sort of gray hair. And I knew what would happen would be that I'd have green and red hair, and that would ruin the continuity for the rest of the show. I mean, I couldn't possibly. So I opted out of sleeping in the ute. I just went back to the hotel, and then we turned up again in the morning.

So I didn't see people. I mean, certainly people were ticking over as a result of what they were drinking, and there were a lot of people there with Vs written on their hand in texta, which was to suggest that this was their first drink. So their first exposure to alcohol was ostensibly to consume too much of it. Wow. Whereas in other cultures, like in ancient Greece, for example, it was considered a terrible embarrassment for you to actually get drunk.

Socrates prided himself on the fact that he could drink as much and never show any effects of it. But in Australia, at the B&S ball, the idea is to get as complete and show yourself to be as completely drunk as you can. But what was really good and what was a really interesting lesson was that everybody had your back. No one was going to let you hurt yourself. They certainly wouldn't let you drive home. They were going to make, and if you became ill, they were going to look after you. So that was something that maybe is a bit different perhaps

than what would happen in the city. And indeed in the second episode, I go to the hospital, St Vincent's Hospital, and I see a whole bunch of people turn up on a Friday night who don't have people looking out for them, who might be found in the park or in the gutter or on the street by police officers or ambos, and they bring them in to be looked after by strangers. That was a main difference for me.

Well, I thought that would have been interesting if you had been there for the rest of the night because my experiences with B&S balls is I'd never been to them, but from my friends, a lot of my friends would go and basically get as drunk as they could, get as covered in mud as they can, then wet themselves and see if they can still go home with a girl by the end of the night. Now, I don't know what Pythagoras had to say about that. I like this V thing on the, did you have one of them when you went into prison?

You should have had that on there. Oh, yes. Oh, wow. Well, I did spend a bit of time later on in the series. I spent some time with the Straight Edge, some people from the Straight Edge movement. Have you heard of these guys? No. No.

Okay. So they are vegan. They don't try and engage with you know corporate australia in any way they uh they don't drink but they really love uh headbanging uh sort of proto not proto post-punk music you know they really love that sort of so they're doing all the things in a tiny little shop in chapel street that you would do at a punk venue, but they're completely without any alcohol or drugs. Christian?

Christian, sure. No, but it's apparently not a prerequisite at all. But a lot of them are social workers. A lot of them work in health food shops, that sort of thing. But they put an X on your hand in indelible, as I found out, it was indelible kind of texture or black ink. So that X, that straight edge sign was something that I – so I had the V on my hand and then a couple of weeks later I had an X on my hand.

Tommy, I think you're talking about meeting new friends. I think straight edge is for you. Maybe I'll get into straight edge, vegan straight edge, yeah. I like punk music. I can fit right in. Even though the meat side, the consuming meat side of the thing wasn't something we discussed greatly. It was mainly the alcohol. I did find, and I have not consumed since, any pork.

They were talking to me about gestation crates and things, and I did actually look a bit of that up. And, Dave, I'm sorry to tell you this, but I wouldn't advise it for you because you quite like a bit of bacon and and uh and uh dave i'm sorry to tell you this but uh you know i do i wouldn't advise it for you because you don't you like quite like a bit of bacon and pork don't you yeah yeah well yes don't learn don't learn too much about how the pork comes to you anyway i i haven't had pork since and i have a very little red meat since it was that was just one of the one of the uh things that i ended up thinking about a bit more. Cut pork out and get back on the grog, I reckon. So you are very interesting in that, Dave, that you do not drink. Now, I've always thought of you as maybe someone with a bit of a limited palate,

like a childlike palate because you love your lollies and your chips and all that. You're the sort of person I think that your wife probably doesn't allow you to do the family shopping because you're going to come back with a shopping basket full of burger rings and ball gobble bliss bombs. Absolutely true. Absolutely true. The kids have got this book called With Huckle the Cat. You know Huckle the Cat from Richard Scarry?

Do you know what people do all day? And Huckle the Cat is the main character. And they've got a picture book called The Best Accident Ever where Huckle is sent down the shop and he's got to buy oranges, potatoes, and he comes back with orange juice, potato chips. And my kids say, that's like daddy going shopping. Right. Because I do.

Yeah, yeah. My wife is very – because she claims – So if Portello was alcoholic, I think you'd be right on it. Oh, exactly. But I think that you would definitely be a person that would just genuinely not like the taste of beer and so sort of go, well, what's the point of doing it? Yeah, and also I think if I drank beer, how fat would I be? The biggest loser would be double the size.

Right, right. Because I get really fat. So I save my calories for bad food. Yeah, right. I like what it is. Okay. But my wife also claims that when I met her, I was skinny. So I was skinnier.

Fat loser wasn't that fat, I didn't think, in the scares. Yeah, when I met Sean, I wasn't that fat, was I, Sean? I wouldn't have said no. If someone said, who's this new friend of yours? Can you describe him to me? I wouldn't have used that word. He's a loser, but he's not that fat. You often cite your identical twin brother, don't you?

Yes. You kind of use him as a comparison. Glenn. He's very skinny. Very skinny. Glenn's quite svelte, but I would have thought, Dave, when I met you, you would have certainly weighed less than what I weigh now, I would have thought.

Yeah, I remember weighing myself in 1988, and I weighed 88 kilos. I remember that. Was that the last time? Because it was the same number as the year? That's the bicentennial year. That's pretty patriotic. 88.

Yeah. Wow. Sean, I love the idea of these vegan straight edge guys hearing you talk about how you've gone off the pork and getting off the red meat since you hung out with them and them just thinking, fuck, we've landed a big one here, fellas. Yeah. What a trophy for them to have, like converting,

potentially converting Sean McAuliffe to veganism. First you, now you. Oh, yeah. It was pretty interesting because they didn't really talk about it at all. It was just something that I just didn't have an appetite for afterwards. It was just like being around people people kind of there was this weird energy that came off and yeah i just haven't really had an appetite for it since that is very funny that for people to say to you oh so you did your three-part show on alcohol and how bad it is what did you learn out

of it oh yeah i gave up pork i'm not i'm not sure you watched your own show properly there sean well i'd already given up alcohol anyway so you know i figured maybe it was that maybe i did feel gave up pork. I'm not sure you watched your own show properly there, Sean. Well, I'd already given up alcohol anyway. So, you know, I figured maybe it was that. Maybe I did feel like I have to give up something. I have to have learned a lesson and then deny myself something. So what's the next thing on the list? Oh, here we go.

Here's some pork. All right, that's off. Yeah. Well, after putting all those hours into making the documentary and thinking about alcohol and talking about alcohol I'd be interested in your assessment of me because I watched the documentary the first episode that we got sent really really enjoyed it a lot of um you know lots to think about on both a personal level and a broader societal level and uh yeah some some pretty like grim stories in there as well but my big takeaway especially in the back end of it as I was watching was like just sitting

there thinking to myself god I'm gonna absolutely murder a cold one at the end of this. What do you think of that? Is that good or bad? I think I don't – that's fine. I think if you go away – I mean everyone should have a choice as to whether they want to have a drink or not. But I guess if people know a bit more about it and have thought about it, because I think one of the things that I wanted to address was the unconscious, I'll just move my hand over here and there'll be a beer or a drink at a party, to go there as I did as an 18-year-old and just unthinkingly consume alcohol without even really ever addressing it as to why I was doing it or

consume alcohol without even really ever addressing it as to why I was doing it or, you know, whether it was a good idea or not. I think if like families or kids or, you know, adults watch this and go, oh, I didn't know that about alcohol. I'll give it some thought next time I actually pick up a drink. Then that's enough. You know, the fact that it's such an ingrained, unconscious act that we – it's like breathing. It's like having a handful of chips.

I've always thought this, Sean. I've always thought it's such a bizarre idea that, like, for me to say last night I had 12 beers, and I would say in my group of friends people would go, okay. But if I said last night I had 12 creaming sodas, you'd go, wow, what the fuck happened? There's no sort of questioning. Beer seems to be the only liquid you can drink that much of. And people go, that's fine.

But if you drink anything, anything approaching that volume of any other drink, that is absolutely bizarre. Sean, what are you going to give up next? So you're giving up alcohol pork I reckon comedy alright what

no you know occasionally someone wants a big white man hole in the ABC lineup someone's got a new show to pitch but you know you know when comedians occasionally don't say they're not a comedian anymore

like when the Doug Anthony All Stars would do a serious song you know on the big gig and you're like what the fuck is this I think Sean you should just come out in the Herald Sun, just serious roles from now on.

You know those guys that do that? Angus Sampson did it. I'll do it Hannah Gadsby style and become even more famous, apparently. Yes, yes. I'll do that. No, I've no desire to play Hamlet. I don't think that's going to be a sensible thing. I think there are plenty of better actors out there than me. And to be honest with you,

I've always regarded myself as a technician of comedy. There are far funnier people out there, but I kind of know how the machine works in terms of maybe putting it onto tape on television. I think I've probably got that ability now that I've been around for a few years. And you know what I would really love to do next? I will eventually just not be on television. Oh. I thought you were going to say rock and roll.

I just, you know. No, no. That's what Cone O'Brien did. I want to eventually kind of recede, as should be the case. I would just recede from being in front of the camera. And actually, you know, I would like to help produce a kind of showcase for a whole lot of young comedians who I think in this COVID age aren't going to get the opportunity that we have all had

to perform in front of a live audience in a theatre or a venue. I think we're going to have to retool our expectations on television to accommodate it, but I think there's going to be a lot of kids out there who just never will know what it is like to perform in front of an audience of a couple of thousand people. So you're going to open up a theatre restaurant. Is that what you're telling me? Oh, yeah.

Milo's. Milo's. Mad as hummus or something. Great. Because, you know know Skipper from Gilligan Island After Gilligan Island Couldn't get any work so he opened up a restaurant Called Skipper's and would walk around on the floor With a hat on and say Gilligan and stuff

Oh hell yeah I'd be happy to do that Rocky did that, didn't Rocky have a restaurant By the last film In the series He had a restaurant called Adrian's and he'd go around and he'd have photos taken with people. Yeah, and do cracked pepper and stuff. That's my wife's, one of her favourite movies for

some inexplicable reason. So it's on high rotation on our TV. And like you with your problem with Shawshank Redemption, I'm always like watching it going, how is this guy who's so famous and he was a heavyweight champion, how is he not doing public speaking at the very least and earning thousands of dollars and instead he's going around and bringing up people's entrees and stuff in this shitty little restaurant? Yeah, I mean the reality is he'd probably be president of the United States. Yes. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, totally, totally.

All right, well, we'd better wrap it up for another week on The Little Dumb Dumb Club. Sean, thanks very much for joining us. And yeah, check out Sean McAuliffe's On The Source Tuesdays on the ABC for the next two weeks and on iView. Yeah, the first episode is really great. Also, the thing I found very interesting about watching it is like it's a very bizarre thing to come out at this current point in time

where I think a lot of people have never had more reason to just be getting absolutely leathered on the couch every night of the week. There's very few reasons for a lot of people to say no at the moment. And also seeing footage of you out on like a party bus bus and in a packed venue is just like, it's like water torture. It's bizarre. Honestly, very true, because I reckon I never, ever drink at home. I'm a social drinker. I don't drink by myself.

I drink in pubs. But last night, I bought my first slab since I was a teenager, I honestly think. And I was legitimately surprised at how much it is. I reckon the last slab I bought was $25 yeah $24 last time I paid $55 for a slab and we can sort of go into it

but didn't you get did you get is this the thing where someone was messaging and you got someone else to get it for you very much like a teenager yes

no so a fan a listener is currently buying me a slab of beer on the other side of town great an older kid yeah yeah

yes yeah great well I think next week on Tuesday you know when the documentary airs buying me a slab of beer on the other side of town. An older kid. Yeah, yeah, yes, yes. Right. Well, I think next week on Tuesday, you know, when the documentary airs, I think go out, buy a slab, and sit there and watch the B&S ball footage, and it'll feel like you're there. It'll be kind of a curious experience. Piss your own pants, roll around in the garden,

and that'll feel like a B&S ball. Oh, yeah, let's do one of those watch parties on Facebook where we just get absolutely maggot while we're watching Hep 2 on the Zodiac. Every time they drink, you drink. Scull a beer every time. A really bad fact about

how much drinking beer is bad for you appears on screen. Every time a mention of liver damage comes up, you have to scull a beer. Yeah, yeah. And Dave, you've got your suite of podcasts. Yeah, I interview Sean on the D-Bree, but I've got a new podcast with Kitty Flanagan called The Junkies

about snack food. Yeah, because she's a snack food aficionado. Wow, called The Junkies. Who was guessing Greg Fleet instead of Kitty Flanagan there for a second? Well, Dave, next time you do this episode with Junkies with Kitty, could you ask her, because she used to have a bag of sugar in her cupboard in her kitchen, and she would just eat the sugar. What?

Oh, my God. I'm going to ask her about that. All right, I will. Do. Because she loves sugar. She absolutely loves sugar. I think save that for an ep where you've run out of lollies to cover and you just cover it in straight sugar.

Well, it is a- Use that in stage six of the lockdown where you can't get any lollies. it in straight sugar. Well, it is a business. Cover that. Use that in stage six of the lockdown where you can't get any lollies. Just go pure sugar. And it is the fattest loser reunion because she was the woman in the first fat loser sketch who when I walked into the gym, I said, I'm here for my assessment

and she goes, you're a fat loser. That's good stuff. It's really good stuff. Full circle. Couldn't do that now. All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mate.

See you, poofs. And they've done it again. Truer words have been spoken. There are truer things than that. But these are also true words that have been spoken. That's one you're saying that I'm trying to get going. That's a good... that's an interesting thing, the degrees of truth that there are.

Because they've done it again, that's perfectly true. I wouldn't think that it gets more true than that. Well, you can't have something true. You know what you said, that's just true. But here's something that's truer. Yeah. It's either true or not. Yeah, exactly.

That's saying it's out. I'm cancelling that phrase. Yeah, me too, it's out. Yep exactly that's saying i'm cancelling that phrase yeah me too it's out yep it's out that phrase touched me on the bottom and i'm cancelling it pretty um pretty crystal clear zoom connection we've got on talking dumb dumb this week don't you think no lag whatsoever i know it's because i've got uh 17g oh right yeah yeah yeah. It's the new emergency podcast frequency. So you've got ultra-corona as a result of that. A new strain. Bill Gates has moved in.

COVID-57. Yeah, I'm way ahead of everyone else. Woo! I got the patch. I updated the COVID. But, yeah, great to have McAuliffe back, especially since the time I'd asked him about doing the podcast previous to this he'd said that he'd sworn off doing podcasts forever and we'd and then we'd noted

um how many other podcasts he'd then done after that going you know he's he's one of these guys he's on my only a mini sort of list of people that have been hard to get on again and we've sort of thought what i don't think they enjoyed the last time they were on or something like that and just sort of wondered what we could do to fix it or it is emailed to me which i think was like two years ago or something he said basically he's like yeah i just don't feel like i ever do very good on them i'm i can't really work out how do them, so I don't really want to do them anymore, which is, that's a fair enough, like, reason, even though I read it and I was like,

what are you talking about? You've always been great at it, you know what I mean? And I'm sure people listening would agree. Like, people love hearing from him. I think he just felt like he didn't, you know, it's outside of the realm of what he's, because he's such a writer, you know what I mean? He's not used to getting in and riffing. You're also allowed to not want to do podcasts

and waste your life like that. Which we sometimes have to remind ourselves that it's not an emergency service. People aren't owed their time to us. But people like that, we'd love to have on. If he truly doesn't believe that he's very good at it that's a shame

because you know everyone wants to hear from him and we have fun talking to him but it's also a nice thing to say if you just can't be dealing with two fucking idiots that are a fair bit beneath you so

yeah that's pretty fair that's allowed as well yeah you know there are conceivably believe it or not, people at home, there are people beneath us that we don't particularly want to deal with either. So it's sort of, you know, it goes around.

It goes around. Yeah, yeah. But very thankful that he wanted to hop on. And like we said, we've watched the part one of the documentary as well, Sean McAuliffe, on the source, and we enjoyed it much so. So, yeah, get on to that. Have a bit of a watch of that on iView if you haven't already started watching it on the ABCs.

Thank you to the ABC publicity department for sending us special links that had to be accessed through our own – couldn't just be forward – couldn't just be sent to me and then forwarded it to you. They needed your direct – Oh, I noticed that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah noticed that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Made me feel like a fucking code breaker.

Plugged into the mainframe there. Yeah, and look, that just proved to me that a lot of people that say very bad things about ABC publicity, it's not always true. I've heard a lot of very, very bad things about that department. A lot of... I don't think I've... You know what?

Now that you mention it, I don't think I've... You know what? Now that you mention it, I don't think I've ever heard anything good about the ABC from anyone that we know who's been gainfully employed by them over the years. Well, yeah, certainly not from a Ronald Chang friend of ours who seems to be very upset at the fact they commissioned his own TV show.

Yeah, they certainly missed a trick there and did the wrong thing. Yeah. So they're bad people. Yeah. Bad orange TV company. And, you know, happy to keep taking money from them to appear on their programs in spite of the fact that they're good enough to bury the hatchet after him just sledging them online

repeatedly. He's currently on one of their shows right now after fucking absolutely bagging them. Taking a bit of money? Is he doing any publicity for them? Is he promoing it in any way? Nah. Nah. Not what you think you're getting

when you sign some talent. You know, you probably think, I'll chuck a few tweets up. This will be good. You get a marquee name. You'd hope that that marquee name is going to lead people towards this show. No such luck.

Nah, poor old Ronnie. They forced him into making a TV show and forced him into not making it that great. I guess the point that we're trying to make is great to chat to McCullough again. Yeah, let's blame it on him. All those opinions that we've just personally had out of our own brains. But yeah, speaking of the documentary On The Source,

which we did both very much enjoy I've got a follow up from and I've also I've watched Ursula Carlson's special me too just so you know

at home when we plug something where I can't think of a good example of something we've plugged where we haven't enjoyed it I guess horrible bosses

I like that I like that actually yeah it was fine no I liked it definitely liked it but Definitely liked it. But yeah, fuck, as ripped from today's headlines. Fuck, that was about, what, eight years ago? Yeah, yeah.

I'm trying to think. What's something that we would have, anyway. Yeah. But I watched it too and really enjoyed it. And you remember last week we were talking about my parents watching it. And my parents not in. Your partner, your wife finding the... Language.

Overhearing part of it and finding it to be too crude. And my parents not enjoying The Crown on Netflix. And so I finally got a follow-up from them, having watched it. We watched Ursula last night. She was very entertaining. But as you know, we don't think the dirty stuff is very funny. So there you go. There you have it.

But I might, I'll get them to, you know, they're fans of McAuliffe. I might get them to watch this. This can be the new thing from now on. I'll get my parents to watch On The Source and get them to stack that up against the crown. Right. What are you looking for? I've just misplaced something that I wanted to talk about. So I've just got to check my bag.

Okay. Yeah. So you can just take it from here for one second. Okay. You know what? I'll set this up. For the first time, for the first official time, we're about to do physical Dumb Dumb Mailbag. Oh, okay.

Right. Okay. So this is exciting. This is for anyone just joining us We have the PO Box, which is now in action It's been open for about, what, like a week? I mean, we put it out on the show a week or two ago now It's about a week and a half at the time that we're recording this

Just over a week So I just checked the mailbag on the way in Thinking, well, new episode, maybe we might need a little bit of content. We'll see how we go. And I was thinking, well, maybe do I put mailbag in the main episode? Do I put it in Talking Dum Dum?

I thought it was a bit silly maybe to put it in with McAuliffe. So it required too much explanation and whatever. So we'll save it for Talking Dum Dum. It'd require too much explanation and whatever, so we'll save it for Talking Dum Dum. Okay, so not a good, not a symbolic good start, I guess. I went in to open the post box and it didn't open. It's wedged itself shut.

By the way, I was going to say, because you gave me the key, my key for it, on the air, it's a shame we couldn't have had some kind of secret society thing where we both, missile code style where we have to like both turn our keys at the same time to get it open yes because the postbox is nowhere near where i live so it would just be me having to make a very inconvenient trip to meet you at the postbox that's around the corner from your house absolutely um so went there tried to open it up absolutely not being allowed to open it up. Absolutely not being allowed to open it up. Will not. I was like sitting there going, am I going crazy? Did I? Have I been publicizing the wrong address the whole time?

So I started trying to open up other people's mailboxes and they wouldn't open up as well, which proved nothing. That's a good look. That's a good look for someone to find you just going through someone else's mail. Yeah. Now the mail room at Hawthorne West, it's its own private little room where you've got to use your key to open up the door. So it's this tiny little skinny little room with the post boxes in there. That's nice to know that our bags of anthrax and feces are going to be completely secure from the outside world.

Exactly. Exactly. So I'm in there like just frigging around with this post box going mental, going, what am I i how am i getting a key wrong a key in a fucking hole wrong meanwhile the line's building up outside the the room because they they don't want to get in close oh it's one in one out yeah okay all right so it's building up and i'm going fucking ah and like there's people sticking their heads in going oh i'll go for a walk i'll come back later i saw you put an instagram video Instagram video of it up on the socials, which I'm sure was very much appreciated by the next person in the line,

just watching you go live in there. Absolutely. And I wanted to put a video of me opening it and seeing what was in there. And then I'm like, I've opened it up and then gone, taken a while to get in there and then gone, and then opened up and gone, oh, there's stuff in there. Oh, I should have had that as a cool video reveal. All right, I'll close it. I'll open it up and then gone taking a while to get in there and then gone and then opened up and gone oh there's stuff in there i should have had that as a cool video reveal all right i'll close it i'll open it up again now cue 10 minutes of me trying to reopen it and not being able to oh my god so then me having to go into the post office and go the key it it it doesn't work he's like it doesn't

work at all like well it did work once what do you mean well i opened it up and i saw the stuffing but then i closed it why did you close yeah and then i wanted to go back in yeah i thought there might have been some new mail in the three seconds since i'd closed it yeah so then i'm like oh but now it doesn't work what so do you want the do you want me to open do you want do you just want them are you leaving the mail in there? What are you doing? Oh, yeah, no, get me the mail. I want to get in there. So then they're having to replace everything now, apparently.

Once they checked it and went, oh, this is all fucked. We have to replace all of it. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. Not a good start. Not a great, not an ideal start at all. But look, there's more bad stuff to come.

Don't worry. So they got into the mail. Now, a couple pieces of mail. Here we go. To start with. Now, look at this, Tommy. I'm going to show you this first envelope right now. And I want you to tell me what's going on here.

You can give me the full address. You can give me initial reactions. You can give me anything. Yep, yep. Okay. So it's been opened. Okay. Okay.

Mr. K Chandler and Mr. T.H. Alsop. P.O. Box 6063 Hawthorne West. And the, what do you call it? The branded envelope. The insignia branded envelope Victoria Police. Yes. Okay. Yes.

And so you've looked at this already? Yep. Okay. Yep. Interesting. Now, my initial thoughts were, how is someone fining me for speeding this way this quickly? Being subpoenaed for a podcast. But then with your name attached, I'm like, oh, great.

Well, if I'm going down, at least he's going down with me. All right. So here we've got notice to the victim. Important information. Now, this is official police branded stationary. This is like a victim report or something, isn't it? Yeah. This is real deal stuff.

This is your copy of the report made to the police. Please keep it. The police will do their best to find the person responsible. Police investigations can take some time to complete. The police will ask you if you wish to be kept informed about the progress of your case, et cetera, et cetera. The police will ask you if you wish to be kept informed about the progress of your case, etc., etc. The police investigator looking after your case is, and then in ballpoint pen it's been filled out, PC Comedy. No email or telephone number.

Report by member name PC Comedy. Member number 6969. Member station, Maryborough. Report date, 10th of the 7th, 2020. Report time, 1500 hours. Principal, victim, family name, Chandler slash Alsop brackets Dasolo. Incident number, if available, 6969 696969. Very nice. Brief summary of incident, defecating in a public place.

Stolen property total value not applicable. Damaged property total value not applicable. All right. You don't need to read out the things that aren't filled in, by the way. And then that's it. That's all that's been filled in. There's just a lot of information down the bottom about the victims of crime helpline. and there's just a lot of information down the bottom about the victims of crime helpline.

So Constable Comedy has taken this report but when it says victim name, that's our name, and then the incident is defecating in a public place, but we're the victims? We've been defecated on. Yeah, that says to me you and I were lying down, having one of our classic lie down on the footpaths, and someone's come along and shit on our heads.

And we're filing the report going, someone shit on us. You've got to catch this person. Well, I guess the story I told was like me shitting in my own pants there a few weeks back. So I guess I was a victim of it. You're the victim and the crime. There wasn't any other victim apart from me. But then what have I got to do with it? Why am I being dragged in?

I don't know. It was a self-inflicted wound, I guess. I don't know if victim apart from me. But then what have I got to do with it? Why am I being dragged in? I don't know. It was a self-inflicted wound, I guess. I don't know if I can go to the police and dob myself in. Did you honestly have a moment of thinking that when you saw that envelope, did you think that was going to be a real thing? Definitely for a second I'm like, I've had enough of these in the past that I recognise the old Bible. Same.

And seeing my actual name on there, I was like, fuck, this is legit. Yeah. This is like we've actually done something podcast related on the show that we are being chased by the cops for. Yes. So, yeah, look, that is very clearly what I have to say after all of that is ACAB. Yeah.

Defund the police, if they're gonna waste the stationery like that do not give them money so that's great because this so this has come this has to have come from I because I from inside the force yeah I like we do have listeners in the force yeah but I quite like the idea that someone has turned up at the police station and gone I'd like to fill out an incident report and I'd sort of like to just do it all at home myself, if possible. You can just give me the form and the envelope.

I'll take it home and then send it off myself. No, I think it was an inside job. Inside job. We do have listeners on the force. Constabulary. Yes, so thank you. Thank you for pranking us beautifully. That's a good one.

Yeah, that's a good... Hey, that's the first official item ever in Dum Dum Mailbag. Yes. Dum Dum P.O. Box Mailbag. And a pretty good one. I dare say it's all downhill from here. Yeah, yeah. No, very good.

Very good. Now, we had two pieces in there today. Yep. Now, I feel like this is not completely out of our wheelhouse or my wheelhouse in saying this now that's number one number two i've just realized i think i've lost it from the from between the post box in here your ability to lose things is astounding yeah it's like i i think i think i'm sometimes pretty bad at it but you you are like next i think you i'll lose things, where the fuck is that?

And then eventually find it. You seem to have an ability to lose things and then they're just gone forever. Yeah, well, that's what lose means. But yeah, I don't, I honestly, I think it's gone. But look, having said that. Hang on. I've got it. Okay.

I've got it. Fuck. Right. The one pocket I didn't check. Thank fuck for that. Phew. Because I was trying to retrace my steps in my head. I was thinking, right, on the way here, I stopped to get a sandwich at a place that

you've recommended to me not too long ago that I now go possibly four times a week, I think, at the moment. But given, you know, we're all aware of what's happening in the world at the moment um but given you know we're all aware of like what's happening in the world at the moment and especially in melbourne what's happening and everything that's going down or whatever i there's a new level of it today where i i went there you're not allowed to go inside the cafe you're sort of ordering and then everyone's standing outside there's a little window where people are getting coffees i'm waiting for my sandwich so there's a bunch of people standing around self-distancing waiting for their name to get called out, whatever.

So I'm standing there waiting. I've got a tissue. I went to blow my nose, pulled the tissue away. Blood started absolutely pissing out of my nose as that happens. Then you just see the next level of people's reactions because everyone's already, they know how to react to like sneezes and sniffles and stuff. Well, first of all, you, no mask on.

Yes. So that's probably baseline. People are like, fuck this guy. Well, no. Then the tissue's making an appearance and they're like, this is absurd. This is absolutely unreal. The people around me didn't have masks on, but. Right.

So. Then blood coming out. Yeah. They're probably, it's like relieved. It's like, thank God. No, the opposite. Fuck this guy. The opposite.

The opposite. The opposite. They're like, I think they're acclimatized to what happens. It's like, thank God. No, the opposite. Fuck this guy. The opposite. The opposite. They're like, I think they're acclimatized to what happens, how to react if there's a sneeze or a sniffle. Blood starts pissing out of my nose. They're like, what the fuck? Is this a symptom we didn't even know about? Right. How the fuck is this working?

So they were noticeably just jumping out of the way then. Well, the good thing about where this is happening too is that that sandwich shop is like two doors down from a hospital. Ah, yes. So it's like if I'm standing there, if I see something like that, I'm like, off you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all right. I don't need to do anything here.

I don't need to call you an ambulance. Just fucking. Yeah. Just walk. Yeah. It's right there. So they weren't super raps. They were treating my blood nose like worse than a fucking, you know, worse than any sort

of COVID symptoms or whatever. They're like, we don't know what the fuck this guy's got, but hopefully this sandwich mops it up. Yeah, I went to get a COVID test the other day and there was a guy in the line. There were multiple people in the line not wearing a mask. Great stuff. You really do love to see it.

So we've got this second item here. Oh, sorry. You're giving the intro now. I thought you were telling the story about the line. Yes. Now, the second item, we've got a little parcel. We've got the history of who's sent it on the back. It just says from someone called A.Waree.

Okay. From a place in Western Australia called Path. Now, this is something I've had to then look up because it's a little... What the item is? The item is. Okay. Because you look at the parcel and you go, I don't fucking know what this is. But anyway, it's a little product we've been sent called Norit. If you can see that, Tommyy little little yellow box of some

sort of medicinal i just googled it what is nor it used for charcoal is used to treat stomach pain caused by excess gas diarrhea or indigestion okay right um it's also used to relieve itching related to kidney dialysis treatment and treat poisoning or drug overdose. So this is, I presume this is a bit of, instead of stretching before I run, I just pop a Norit. Just chuck one of them in. Yeah. This is, you know, finish with a bit of Lucozade,

but start with a bit of Norit. Imagine if you hadn't have told that story on the podcast the other month. What kind of things do you think we'd be getting in this mailbox at this point? Because so far 100% of them are defecation related. if you've got like happy to see it but if you've got any ideas for stuff to post us that's not related to carl shitting himself feel free to send it through i look you've got to react to what we're giving out there though that's fair that's very fair

yeah um if we're not going to do anything more notable than shitting our pants, then... Can't wait for some adult diapers to turn up in there. Yes. So thank you to everyone who's contributed to the physical mailbag. Yep. Let's close up the dum-dum physical mailbag for this week. Zip it up for another week. Thank you. Again, Little Dum-Dum Club, P.O. Box 6063.

Of course, we know what that means. 60 plus 6 plus 3 equals 69. Hawthorne West 3122. Yep. Thank you. Now, next order of business, of course, is... Thank you to everyone who contributes to the show on Patreon. Yes.

Patreon.com slash Little Dumb Dumb Club. Thank you to everyone who on Patreon. Yes. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub. Thank you to everyone who does that. Not only new people, but old people that have been keeping on, keeping on, contributing for ages. Appreciate it very much, especially in these times

where this is our only income. Thank you for putting food in my baby's mouth. Good for you. And of course, not only do you get an audio thank you in the form of what I've just said, but you get some physical thank yous in terms of bonus episodes,

which you're getting a lot of at this time, especially if you're in major lockdown in certain places around the world, including a little burg that we certainly happen to be living in just at the moment, Podcast City. Very familiar with it. Podcast City is on stage 69 at the moment yes absolutely so if you're in um dire straits like that and you and the only thing keeping you alive is you know two half hour bonus episodes a week you're absolutely welcome yeah um and of course you're getting a lot of that

pumping pumped out at the moment so jump on don't be scared if you've ever wanted to dip your toe in the water now's a good time there's a lot of shit there that you can download and we put some effort in

we've got some great guests on we've got you know a lot of times the episodes are more fun than the normal episodes and of course thank you we want to officially thank

people by name we're getting along to getting around to everyone eventually hopefully that's the dream and we do that every week we try and read out as many names as humanly possible as you know we've we're testing the endurance of humankind by how many names we read out yeah absolutely there's no one we've we've we're the sort of guinea pig we're the the canary down the mineshaft. No one, this is as many names as you can read out. Yeah.

This is it. This is as high as numbers go. Yeah. So we'll continue to push those boundaries this week. With help from the unplanned title alternative, of course, just to keep things ship-shapen, fair and square. Thank you. Let's name a few, Tommy.

Okay, sure. Hit the big red button. Fire it up. And get thanking. Yep. Get thanking or get dying. Get your thanking pants on. Get thanking or get dying,

as they said in the Shawshank Redemption. Thank you very much to Patreon subscribers that first came off the rank. Pete Beaumont. Pete Beaumont. Is this one of the missing ones? Oh, is this one of the missing? Have we located one of the missing Beaumont. Beaumont? Is this one of the missing ones? Oh, is this one of the missing Beaumont children? Well, you know what?

You've slipped up. You've been in hiding for decades. Yeah. And you thought you'd get away with it. You think the heat's off. Yeah. You know what? I can chip into a Patreon of a podcast.

Yeah. They're thinking, well, they don't read out that many names in their opinion. You know, you'll never get around to mine. But, wow, you slipped up. You've really fucked yourself here. So you might have been living down a well for about 60 years. I'm surprised you, if you're living down a well, if you're hidden that much, I'm surprised.

One of the few communications with the world you're doing is with this podcast. You know, hey. Pretty brazen. Yeah. Like we said, we've had people in prison listening to us why not people missing and hidden for 60 years um i hope the well is treating you well um i hope that uh how many of them are there yeah i don't know i don't know how they get earning money yeah i don't know if you can be professionally hidden yeah you earn money from being hidden? I guess there's insurance payouts, I guess.

Would insurance pay out if you never actually found, though? I don't think it would. I imagine that's a way a lot of people get fucked out of life insurance. Yeah, but at some stage you've got to be called. If you're the government or whatever have got to classify you as dead at some stage, they don't just go, Ah, no no he's still alive 60 years later at some stage you've got to put a line under it yeah but insurance companies notoriously looking for any way to not pay out i'm sure there's a clause in there of like unless the body turns up you don't get jack squat yeah but if the government have declared someone dead why the government getting involved well because

you've got to have everything sort of tidied away and ship shut like the government getting involved well because you've got to have everything sort of tidied away and ship shut like the government just go oh you guys work it out if someone's dead or not yeah but i reckon i reckon insurance companies would have someone listening will know this insurance companies would have a thing in the policy where it's like no body no payout so yeah that that would i'm, I'm sure what you're saying is also true, but I reckon you can't get the money unless they find you. I disagree because I think if the government says someone's dead, then they're going, what, we don't believe the government.

No, no, no, that's how things work. If the government says someone's dead, they're fucking dead. So I think they've got to... An insurance company can't just ignore that someone's legally dead. I don't really know how it works, though. I think police – I think there'd be a thing where police just go, we're not looking anymore, and this is what we've decided it is. Yes. But I'm sure that you can't legally go –

That's a stage of doing it. They're dead without seeing a body. That's a stage of doing it. We're not going to look anymore. But at some stage down the track, they have to make something official. They don't just go, oh, whatever. You can never have a government opinion on something, on the life of a human being where they go, eh, who really cares in the end?

You know, whatever. Everyone's alive or dead or something. You guys just, you know, we've all got opinion. It's like comedy. It's like some people think it's funny. Some people think it's not funny. Some people think that person's dead. Some people think they don't.

But then you hear things where like police departments all around the world are different where the Portuguese police who were looking for Madeline McCann, they at a certain point point they turned their focus onto the parents and then always the first suspect yeah but they they just decided like the parents have done it even though then enough evidence comes out that the parents didn't do it they're like they they just never kept looking after that like once they went it's the parents they that police department just went well our jobs he job's here. He's done. Even though other people were going, it probably,

it seems like it's pretty hard for them to have actually done it. They're like, nah, we've just logged off now that we've done that. Our work here's done. We've named them. What more do you want from us? We're probably not, we're just going to waste our time if we keep looking after the fact. Yeah.

Convenient. It's, you know, any of that stuff, they always look at the parents first, which is, you know, I'm sure the percentages would break down and go, yeah, well, that's 95% of the time that's who it was. But, yeah, fuck. What a, I don't know how the fuck we got here, but.

Fun read for this guy to be a part of. Yeah. Thanks, Peter. Thanks. Thanks, Peter. Thanks, Bowie. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Chris Armstrong. Yeah.

Noted former Crystal Palace striker of the 90s, Chris Armstrong. Oh, thank you. Surprised that you're a listener. Yeah, fresh from playing up front in the 90s in London in Crystal Palace with...

Fresh from that. Fresh from that. Fresh from 30 years ago. Mark Bright and then moving along to Tottenham Hotspur. Good to have you, Chris. Yep. Thanks for chipping in. Yeah, surprised.

Is that exciting to you? I mean, not less exciting than if it was a Liverpool player, for sure. Oh, look, any Premier League player from the 90s absolutely floats my boat. My absolute... Possibly... Well, I've said this before. I've always thought this. You know, you're the most passionate about stuff like that

when you're in your, like, probably late teens and stuff, when you don't... You're not probably adult enough to fucking to genuinely tie your emotions to something important yeah when you don't have anything good you know uh real enough in your life and you've just got time to fucking waste on obsessing about stuff that doesn't matter that much i guess yeah i would definitely i would definitely have been able to tell you at the age of 17, I would have been able to give you a starting 11 of every team in the Premier League.

Yeah, right. And just go, yep, I know everything. For Liverpool players, I would be able to tell you all their former clubs, where they came from, their price tag, their goal ratio roughly, stuff like that. But then you get older and priorities change and you have, for example, like maybe a wife and family where you can't devote an entire week to just going and watching one game. Absolutely not.

Why would you? Things change. Hey, that was only a week and I can't tell you any date of birth or anything like that. So that's something. Of your child? No.

I could roughly give you, I could give you a ballpark date of birth of my child. But Chris Armstrong, what an honour. Good player? Premier League player. Okay. So, you know dummy. You know dummy getting in there.

Look, unless of course, no offence, unless this isn't the actual Chris Armstrong. Take it, well, let's assume it's not. Okay. Take a punt on what kind of prowess with a ball do you think this guy has? Well, look, he's... He listens to a pod, so the odds are stacked against him. Yeah. He's...

Ah, fuck. What? No, no, he just... I was... Let's just say that right then as we've been talking, the UTA has shut down and it's restarted up and let's just say some certain things haven't been saved properly. Okay, right.

So, you know, things aren't perfect. It's not ideal. It's not an ideal scenario. No, no, absolutely not. The magic of this guy's name has destroyed the UTA. The odds of someone that I admired so much in the 90s and played in the Premier League, the odds behind all of those things combining

has buckled the UTA and send it into fucking shutdown. Right. So what do we do now? No, nothing. Nothing. It's just the show goes on. It's fine. I'm currently dealing with it.

I've done this before, Tommy. You're going into a deep backup. I can cover. I've got backups. It's okay. All right. All right. Separate portable hard drive stored in a gold briefcase.

Let's just say it's fucked up a lot of other stuff I've been working on on the UTA in the last hour or so. There's a lot of other programs within the UTA that I do other work on. A lot of other algorithms. I never knew that. I never knew you could put other apps on it. Well, I use it for guests as well. We didn't even particularly want Mikhailov on this week, but the UTA has plucked him out.

So it is. Ah, right, right. I see. Yeah. So I don't think I've mentioned that on the show before, but the UGA is actually part of the UTA. The unplanned guest alternator. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Right, right. Don't think I've brought that up before. So people going, why hasn't this person been on for a while? It's out of our hands. Exactly. Stop asking us. Exactly. We don't know.

Like, do you think we want Kappa on that often? Are you serious? Why would anyone go out of their way to make that happen by design? Check out next week's app. Well, maybe. Hopefully. Yeah. For him.

But look, Armstrong Armstrong I mean That's what I think of Automatically When I think of sport Other people could think of Like an absolute Drug fiend of a bicycle Yeah

Bicycle racer Dodgy man I don't think of cyclists I think I call them bicycle racers Bicycle racers Yeah Yeah

That's pretty cool Yeah Bike riders Professional bike riders professional bike riders yeah um if you could be a professional sportsman tommy what do you think you'd pick as in what would i want to be really good at or or i or what what do i think what am i entering myself into thinking like current skill level no not not adapting to what you can do at the moment okay more just like i just it's like a genie yes grants me the ability to be like well i can't imagine

you adapting anything you're doing at the moment into being a professional sportsman because i don't think you do anything as close to sport no but yeah i've got i guess you run you could say you're a runner yeah i mean i'm pretty fit yeah yeah so i'm pretty active like if i started like i just never had very good hand-eye coordination which is such a necessary skill for most if not all sports um probably probably basketball just because you're getting to... Like being able to get up and get some real air. Yeah. And land some awesome slam dunks.

You like that? Pretty fun. That would be fun. Yeah. Pretty well. It's a good choice. Well paid. Well paid.

Fame. You get to travel. You get to hang out with Magic Johnson. Yeah. You get to do cool stuff like that i've already got that so it doesn't you know whatever happens doesn't really have to affect me okay um and uh yeah all right okay what what team would you play for um i'm a free agent well free agent i'm happy to be i'm happy for a bidding water breakout. Yeah. Right.

Okay. Whoever will have me. Okay. What about you? What would you want to be? Name one thing you'd want to be good at. It's a tough one. Man, I remember when I was like about 16 or 15 or something like that.

I remember, like I wasn't bad at soccer, especially growing up in Maryborough, where it's a small town and soccer's not that big. And I ended up playing to a reasonably decent level, but the newspaper did, like, a little story on me. And it's one of the things that still gives me douche chills a little bit, like embarrassment chills. Did this little story, I mean, it was like, so what do you want to do?

And I was like genuinely like, oh, I think I'm going to go to England and play. I'm going to go pro. Not pro, but like just me. Go to England and just have a kick around the park. But just me being sort of like, oh, you know, seeing England from afar and going, I'd love to go there. Obsessed with watching the soccer from there. Oh, of course, I'm not going to play first division, the top division.

I could play like seventh division just thinking, well, that'll be easy enough. Yeah, easy to get in. And then in reality going, you couldn't even play fucking 69th division. What are you talking about? Yeah, great. But just me going, oh, yeah, I'll just pick this little club here or whatever. And it's me talking like that, just going, oh, yeah, that'll do me, like sixth division or something. I'll just go and do that.

Probably worth being a bit higher up, but I'm trying to be humble. Yeah. I'll take the hit. And in the meantime, I'm in Maribor. I'm not even anywhere close to being in the top 10 divisions in Victoria yeah which is a state

not even national and me going no no no I know Australia is shit compared to England but I'll just jump up a few galaxies ahead to fucking

oh god so is that your answer you'd be soccer of course yeah absolutely yeah

I'm not I'm not that interested in I like sport in general but yeah god that that's that's that's the dream of course there wouldn't be anything even close i don't think anywhere else i don't know like there's team sports in these individual sports like i think the individual is a bit it'd be a bit boring you see people with individual sports it's like those people are crazy tennis seems fucking brutal people are crazy it's all you i don't know how fucking people do it golfers

golfers should be more insane than what they are yeah like everything verges on like you can you're playing you know you're hitting 65 shots a day and if one of them is fucked it's all over yeah it's like you would go it's just one tiny little fucking jenga stick that falls and it fucks your whole day people would go insane i think that's the the crazy possibly the craziest sport i think that as in the sport that could potentially send you crazy when and the flip side of it being a lot of people who then play it just recreationally it's like relaxing to them yeah like the chasm between and of course every sport that you're just playing recreationally with mates is going to have

a different vibe to if you're playing it but like that like you can be playing tennis just with mates and still get very competitive yes and get a bit psycho yes whereas golf i think by and large people like yeah that's you know people have been going crazy like right wing kind of wealthier people going crazy about the golf courses not being open in COVID. It's like, get me out there. I just need this to unwind. It is essential. It's my meditation.

Yeah, it's pretty fucked. Thanks, Chris. Thanks, Chris, with your strong arms. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Tim Clancy. Oh, hell yeah. I went to school with a guy called Clancy. I think you've talked about that before. Yeah, I found that very bizarre.

Very, very bizarre. As a first name. Cool guy, normal guy. Last name, fine. First name. I mean, still sticks out as a last name, I guess. Yeah, Tim Clancy sounds good to me. It sounds like an author or something.

Well, Tom Clancy. Oh, of course. That would be why. Fuck, someone... I'd love someone to make a supercut of the times you've gone, this sounds like this. It's because that's an actual guy who does that. Well, am I wrong?

It's giving me this guy, Steven Spielberg. Am I wrong? Giving me a bit of movie-making vibes. Show me how wrong. What I'm saying is it sounds like this, and it wrong? It's giving me this guy Steven Spielberg. Am I wrong? Giving me a bit of movie-making vibes. Show me how wrong. What I'm saying is it sounds like this, and it does. It is. It sounds like that because it is that. Yes.

Yeah. Well, you can sound like it and be it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not disputing that. I'm right. Thank you. You're welcome.

Yeah. I reckon maybe I'm wrong, but I reckon we've had a Clancy before. We've talked about this. I just have got a massive feeling of deja vu, but you having known someone called Clancy... I really hope that you've read this name out before and one of these discussions about, this sounds like this,

is literally this guy's exact name. You know, it's all happened in the exact same way. That would be truly great. You having someone called Clancy as a first name, I remember, he wasn't my friend or anything. I think he was a friend of a friend. And his name was Clem. Knowing a 16-year-old guy called Clem

or a 17-year-old guy called Clem, I was like, that is so fucking weird. Yeah. I remember thinking it was so weird. That's definitely an old man's name attached to some cunt, you know, that's like fucking listening to Nirvana or something and smoking a bomb. Going, nah, I don't think that works. Clem's good.

I like it though. I don't mind it. Now I think, I don't know, back then, I don't think there was as many ironic names 20 years ago or whatever. Yeah. Clancy was, it was just such a weird one at school because, yeah, it's ahead of its, now probably, yeah, there's probably a ton of kids. Like, you know, Dave O'Neill, who just on the app,

his kids are like, what, Barney and Jasper and names like that. What is going on with that? Yeah. But, like, it's probably, probably like back more into Vogue now, but definitely, like when I was at school, everyone was just called Tom and Sam and Tim and there weren't any, you know. I reckon growing up, my name, Carl,

I reckon that was even a bit like people go, oh, okay, right. I'd never met a Carl before I met you. Really? Yeah, never knew of a Carl. It was a TV character name. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure I met you. Really? Yeah, never knew of a Carl. Oh. It was a TV character name. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. Fantasy name.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm real, baby. Of course, you know, you can't help but think of Clancy of the Overflow. Do you even know what that is? I don't really know what that is. Don't know what that is? It's like a, is it a poem or a story? I've heard it sounds vaguely familiar, but...

It's like an old poem or a story of, you know, like Australian, some sort of fucking 1920s, you know... Yeah, Banjo Patterson. It's exactly what it is. Ah, okay. Yep. It's from 1889, some sort of romantic view of rural life. It's a poem, first published in the Bulletin. Okay. On 21st of December, 1889.

Oh, geez, they're hitting it in close to Christmas. I wouldn't have been putting out something, a big potential hit like that so close to Christmas. Yeah, a bit of a waste. Yeah, yeah. Although maybe it's like, you know, a lot of stuff now will get released, like video games, for example.

It's a popular time to bring stuff out. It's like end of November, start of Decembercember get that holiday rush people are buying gifts maybe they're thinking you know put this poem out people are going to be buying it for their families for christmas yeah well you know a lot of people probably getting a copy of the bulletin for their christmas yeah yeah yeah would have been pretty nice for a kid to get up you know wake up at 5 30 a.m christmas day and go, Who is this Clancy of the Overflow cunt? Probably a few of them being returned at fucking Dimeroo on Boxing Day 1889.

I've got six copies of the Bulls. Yeah, fuck! The man from Snowy River. That's where it comes from. Much of a Banjo Patterson fan? Nah. If you had to have a nickname that's a musical instrument, what would you go with?

That's a really good question. Thank you. Oboe. Oboe. Yeah. That's not bad. Oboe. Guys.

What up, Oboe? We've had a bit of fun calling me Meatball for a while, but I'd like to request everyone call me Oboe from now on. Oboe bad Oboe Guys What up Oboe We've had a bit of fun Calling me Meatball for a while But I'd like to request Everyone call me Oboe From now on Oboe Oboe Oboe Desolo

No just straight up I don't mind Oboe Desolo It does have a nice ring to it But it's rare that It's rare that someone's nickname Has the surname built into it Yeah Oboe

Oboe Desolo I'm happy just Oboe for short I mean if people I mean I'm I'm lucky that if it If it comes to that, then great, it does, they do sound good together. But also just like seeing a guy and going, hey, Oboe.

You know what it sounds like to me? It sounds like some smartass that's just met Banjo Patterson. What's your name, Banjo Patterson? Sure, and I'm Oboe Dassolo. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But is Banjo his actual name or is it a nickname? It's his nickname. Is it really?

Yeah. Okay. His name was Andrew Barton Patterson. Oh. Classic Australian. Is he just a poet or was he an author as well? I mean, that era, you know, if you'd have told me like, yeah, no, straight up his name was Banjo, I'd be like, all right. Yeah.

No, it's his nickname. I would imagine. Look, I don't know that much about Australian history. But I would imagine at some stage he's played a banjo. And he's gotten the nickname off the back of that of someone going, you play that. Now you are it. I reckon it could potentially be the opposite knowing you know what our country is like oh he hates it right that's actually no that's you all right well maybe maybe um

maybe he's like got dumped by a girlfriend like he's got a girlfriend and he's gone oh this is i'm gonna marry her and then she's just absolutely fleeced in for everything he's worth fucking hell and he's and they've gone she's played you like a banjo. Ah, your name's Banjo now. Give me one sec. I've just got to answer my doorbell. Tommy's got a ring on the door. I think Nick Giannopoulos wants to finally come over and make whoopee.

No, no one's there. Someone's hit the fucking wrong number. Someone's absolutely fucked this. Nicky's tried to get into his flat and royally fucked it. I wonder what your number is. I wonder if your number's that far away from his number. The number of his apartment? Yeah.

Yeah. Probably. You'd hope so, given that location-wise, you're the pool boy and he's in the penthouse. Well, I had an idea um before this new stage of lockdown happened for the purposes of content for the pod i was gonna get a camping chair and just sit out the front of his building and just got your journalism style and just wait for him to come out and just see and document my day right and hopefully just get get something get some kind of sound bite out of him for the pod. Oh, well, actually say to him, speaking to this mic, like get...

Yeah, maybe I'd have the recorder on me. I was just kind of like, you know what? That'd be a pretty funny thing to do. Just sit out in the street and just wait and just wait for him and just, you know, just watch the world go by from out there. It'd be good to see if he brought someone home. Yeah. That'd be good.

Yeah. But now that's probably not the best look. Yeah. Just be sitting out in the street. Well, but some people are like, I'll get him on the pod. I don't know how you feel about that, Tommy. How do you feel?

It just feels like we've talked about it enough now that if the opportunity arises, we kind of have to do it. Yeah, I guess so. Even if we put it out as just like a mini extra bonus, it probably would be like the... It'd have to be on the main feed. It'd end up being like the...

Oh, I mean bonus. Like it's on the main feed it'd end up being like the oh i mean bonus like it's not it's on the main feed but it's not the main episode you know it's like we put it up on the front but like it i see it being potentially as like the um the uh pablo francisco episode where the actual recording itself was 20 minutes yes and the debrief like an hour and a half. I agree. Yeah. I imagine it being something like that, where it's like, great, we've talked about it enough. People are excited that it's happened.

Do they really necessarily want to hear what he has to say? No, not so much. Yeah. It's more about the fact that we went and did it than people are going to find the most interesting. I agree. So even just going like, mate, can we come up? Our podcast goes for 10 minutes. We'll do an episode with you

and then we'll be out. And then he goes to check it the next day and goes, why is this? We recorded for 10 minutes. Why does it go for two and a half hours? Yeah, yeah. By the way, I was about to say, speaking of just what I said before,

I watched the McAuliffe drinking doco with my girlfriend and there a lot of shots have just absolutely sideways fucked up people in it that we had to put a moratorium about a minute in on not going that's you everyone who came up on it's like a minute and a half in and i turn to her and go hey i actually am not going to end up taking any of this in i've already missed literally everything he said because we're just both screaming, that's you, at each other. We need a break from it for the next hour.

He's like, yeah, fair enough. And then very quickly, there's someone like right on the coming up next week. And I just, I could see the like timer on the bottom of the screen had, you know, 30 seconds left. I'm like, you know what? I'm breaking the moratorium. I'm getting the last one in before the door slams shut. Yeah, that's fair enough.

I feel fucking great. You got what you wanted out of it and then, yep. Thanks, Tim. Thanks, Tim. Thanks, God, Tim Clancy. Tim Banjo. Oboe cunt. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Craig Rathbone.

Okay. Okay, what? Okay. I'm taking it in. You're dealing with it. Yeah, I'm dealing with it. Rathbone. Okay. Okay what? Okay. I'm taking it in. You're dealing with it. Yeah, I'm dealing with it. Wrathbone. I remember this guy.

I met this guy in the Apple Isle. Not in the supermarket. In Tasmania. Oh, God. He's a listener from Tasmania who came along wearing a heavy truck t-shirt. Okay. Some homemade merch. Yeah, I remember this guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, homemade merch. Absolutely fucking nerding it up. Yep. Pretty cool. Yeah. You think that's cool? I think it's cool.

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if cool is the appropriate word. What would you feel about a bootleg scene of merch popping off this podcast? Not great. You'd hate it. I'd hate it. You'd absolutely hate it. Yeah, I'd hate it.

I'd hate people getting the bootleg merch while my fucking child's room is filled with official merch. Yeah, that we haven't gotten through yet. Yeah. Yeah. Unless I knew that whoever's bootlegging the merch has got twice as much and it's not selling. I'd be pretty happy with someone getting stuck with bootleg merch, actually. I mean, I can see that being a definite reality. Like someone going like, oh yeah, people are going to love this fucking shirt.

The shirt that's a picture of Tassel and it says Oboe underneath. People are going to fucking snap this up. They just absolutely misjudged it and fucked it and now they're left with boxes of it. I'd like, I would like to see someone do it, but in a very authentic bootleg way where it's got to be suitcase out the front of a live gig. It's got to be like down the road in a car park somewhere. Cheaply made. Shittily made.

Yeah, really thin fabric. Thin fabric. Something that's niche enough that we're never going to do it. We don't back it. It's not a design that we would ever back to sell. They've spelled something wrong. Yeah. Dumb Dumb has got B's on the end of it.

Something almost in the wrong language. Yeah. Car park across the street. From the Athenaeum at the 500th episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Back of the car. Yeah. Boot open. Yeah. That I'd be kind of... from the afternoon with the 500 episode yeah yeah yeah back of the car yeah boot open yeah

that I'd be kind if there's something funny about it and there's like a weird spectacle to it yeah that I'm into yeah yeah yeah sure and the person just basically covering their costs

to a point where they still essentially lose money on it some real grifter at the front really barking loud and trying to get people to buy this $10 merch or something and it's just faded and shit.

It falls apart by the time they sit down in their seat and trying to convince people it's official and then people are sort of believing it because they're going, well, it is pretty shit and these guys are pretty shit, so sure, I guess. It's very funny that there isn't really any kind of... Like, I've been to maybe, I think, two concerts before that were big enough that I saw someone selling bootleg merchandise out the front like i've walked past rod laver arena when like i don't know not bieber but like someone of that ilk was on and like maybe robbie williams

or someone like that and someone was selling bootleg stuff out of a suitcase but having been to a couple of concerts in uh the states like you'll go to something that's like the size of the forum here in Melbourne. So what's that? A few thousand? A couple thousand? I think it's like 5,000. 5,000. So like not massive, massive.

And there'll be people selling bootlegs at shows like that size. Like you get it for like doesn't matter the size of the show. I think it depends on the band as well because if you have a certain fan base that are more keen to sort of spend their money, like a Bieber thing is like a lot of kids with disposable income. Yeah. Whereas you might get something a bit more alternative where people have got no fucking money.

Yeah. And not that stupid that they just need a T-shirt that says, the band that I just watched on it. The Chili Peppers. Yeah. Oh, I wouldn't say that they're a dumb band, but I've changed my mind. I am saying it. Yeah, I think you're on record as having said that many, many times.

They're dumb. They're dumb. They're dummies. Yep. So, yeah, look, if someone wants to waste their time and money, go for it. If Craig Rathbone wants to do a more, a more you know look he is losing out at the moment he owns a one-of-one heavy truck t-shirt but if he wants to broaden production and you know maybe make it maybe make a few hundred especially how many t-shirts do we sell when we make them carl

we say we we sell i think and you you would know better than me but don't we when we get a new t-shirt made we sell 5 000 in the first. So that's the volume that you should be making. You should be making that much. If you want to make a bootleg of us, you should make that volume. To be fair, and we're being a little bit careful because we sort of think,

well, we don't want to get stuck with too many. So of course then we reorder after that, after they run out. And you'll be able to make yours a bit cheaper than we make ours. So you'll probably, price point's probably a big thing for people. So probably get 10,000, I reckon.

Get 10,000 heavy truck shirts made up, Craig, and you'll flog them super quickly. Definitely, and especially heavy truck. I mean, you know, that happened on one episode about eight months ago. So it's as fresh today as it ever was, I reckon. I think it's coming up on a year. Really? Over a year, maybe.

Yeah. Oh, no, I don't think it reckon. I think it's coming up on a year. Oh, really? Over a year, maybe. Yeah. Oh, no. I don't think it is. I think it was about Christmas time. Oh, no. With Ballard, end of last year. Yeah. Yeah.

Christmas time. I guess it feels like a very fucking long time ago. Yeah. Thanks. Thanks, Ratho. Thanks, Craig. Thanks, Boney. Thanks, Rathbone.

Thanks, Bonezone. Hope you're well down in the Apple Isle They're doing pretty good aren't they Woolworths They've got like zero cases and shit Are they Fuck I think they're

I think they're all back to it Yeah Yeah it's alright down there Wouldn't mind going back there Me either It was good It was good when we did that show there I'd like to go

I swear to god The next time I go I've got to go and spend a bit more time There after Because I've only ever gone in and out to do a show. And I haven't gotten time to kind of poke around. I'll say this. This is a bit rude.

Maybe we didn't talk about it. Did we talk about it at the time? I can't remember. We had a great show there and then went out and just had a bit of a shit time. Because we were like, let's go to the cool places. And then the guys that were very lovely enough to look after us went, let's just go to this fucking terrible place instead. Where we run a gig and then we got there and there was like no one there.

Yeah. And it was like mostly outdoors and it was freezing too. There was no one there and then it was just shit. And then I think me and Heggie and Cody went to kick on and we just walked for fucking miles to find this place that was then closed. Yeah. And then walked back to find another place that was closed and then found just one place that was like fairly fucking average but was open so we're like okay this is the place and it was outdoors and this is like at midnight in tasmania so we're just outside freezing our fucking ass off going well this is the best we can get so this is fine it was insanely cold even like

yeah mid-afternoon it was like i couldn't have designed a worse night out than that night. Yeah, pretty brutal. So we were really looking forward to kicking on and having a bit of fun and it was absolutely not that. Yeah. So if we go back, we have to... You've got to have a plan. You've got to know where you're going before the show.

Yeah, we should have stayed at the venue we were at. That was all right in comparison where the show was. Yeah, yeah, that was fine. Yeah. We need some party animals to step up and let us know what to fucking do next time we go. Here we go. Yeah, well. I mean, the dream.

At the moment we can't leave our fucking postcode. But all of a sudden I'm dreaming of going to an island. All of a sudden you're like, this bar wasn't very fun. Craig Rathbone, you are not in charge. If you're making fake merch, then you don't know the cool places to go. Not a party animal. Ratho, Bono. We don't want to come and play Dungeons and Dragons with your mates.

Yeah, having a fucking shandy with your mum isn't the coolest place in town, all right? Okay, well, let's look. I have to go and pick up my child, so I better go. Yeah. I have to go now. So, look. Look. Look, one more. There's a bit of a backlog at the moment. I have to go now. So, look. Look. Look, one more.

There's a bit of a backlog at the moment. We need to get through some. We'll quickly do one more. Okay. Right. So, six or seven or four or something. Five. Fifth.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. Last one for this week. Oh, okay. What? That's interesting. thank you very much to Patreon subscriber last one for this week oh okay what that's interesting it just just reminds me of reminds me a little bit of something

we were talking about someone we were talking about before someone that you live near thank you very much to Patreon subscriber the Wog Comedy oh weird

can't be the first time that one's come up. I'd be shocked. I'd be shocked. I'm pretty sure it is. All right. Yep. Pretty sure. I know the UTA shut down before,

but it reopened back up. It's got a backup system. I ran the algorithms. That's the first time that's come up. Well, what do we, because we should, we do need to get a party line on this. If I do run into him in the street and I'm given the opportunity

to throw an invite out, is it something that we follow up on? Look, Tommy. Because otherwise we're just going to speculate about this forever. Tommy, you know I'm reasonably front foot with things like this, but I'm sort of scared. Me too. Yeah, I'm sort of scared. I reckon for just the pageantry around it

and the wrap-up afterwards. Right. Yeah. I'm not thinking that the content in that room itself would be incredible. Yeah. I think it'd be very weird. Yeah.

But I think it would be a lot of fun to talk about afterwards. I really think it'll be a situation where we're sort of not really wanting to do it and too scared to do it and he's demanding ten thousand dollars to do it well that's that gives us an easy out but i don't know i mean i just feel like we talk about this enough now yeah that it's like otherwise it's never gonna end we're just gonna keep getting berated by people wanting us to do it but yeah i think yes we do talk about it enough but also it's not like there's a heaving amount of listeners going, you've got to get him on.

Yeah. Yeah. I am interested. You know, it's one of those things where, you know those situations where you're, it's like a bungee jump where it's like, oh, it sounds great. Yeah, and then you get up there. Then you go, you get up to do it and go, I do not want to do this.

And then once you've done it, wow, great. Look, I'm only asking because if it happens, it's going to be because of me being in front of him. So if I'm in that situation and I do have the opportunity, I want to know whether – I don't want to have to be like calling you up going, Carl, I'm in front of him right now. Can I ask about the podcast?

I wouldn't mind you doing that, actually. I just want, and it's fine either way, but just if the position, if the situation is in front of me, I just want to know whether that's something that I should act on.

You know what? I'm happy to be led by you. If you're brave enough to do it, I'm in. I don't want to lead this one. I'm too scared of him. Yeah. I don't know.

I'm scared of him too. I'm worried. Yeah. But hey, you know, everyone, you know, skydiving, bungee jumping, whatever, it's a good analogy. People, they're up there on the precipice and they're like thinking about turning back and they're freaking out and whatever. And then they come back from it and they're like, what a fucking amazing experience. I'm so glad I actually went through with it and did the chicken out.

There is a percentage of people that die doing it. And hey, look, if I perish interviewing Nick Gianopoulos on a podcast, what a way to go out. Yeah, but you know what? It means I'm still there alive talking to him by myself, and that's worse. That's worse. That's worse than dying.

Take me with you. I get wiped out and you don't. It's pretty fascinating. All right, guys. Well, thanks for listening. Thanks to everyone who supports the show on Patreon.

Hey, we've got jumpers and we've got hoodies and t-shirts and stuff like that. We've still got a heap of merch. Yeah, go check all that shit out. Just have a scan through the website.

We've been adding old episodes up there so you get a visual of who's on there. You can have a scan of who we've had over the last 510 episodes. It's worth five minutes.

Go to littledumbdumbclub.com. Yep, check that out. We'll see you next time. See you, mate.