The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 516 - Andrew Wolfe & Cameron James

Episode Date: August 19, 2020

This week we're joined by our favourite loose cannon ANDREW WOLFE and previous Classic Episode participant CAMERON JAMES! Wolfey's got a cursed wedding ring, he's been yelling at his kids in public and in his day job as a stockbroker, he's got a very surprising and illustrious new celebrity client! PLUS Cam's been messing around on the Cameo website with disastrous results. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Andrew Wolfe and Cameron James. We have a big live show coming up over Zoom, Saturday, August the 29th on Zoom, littledumbdumbclub.com. There's going to be great guests for that. Get your tickets right now. It's a special themed show, isn't it, Tommy? What was the theme again? It's my 34th birthday live spectacular. It's going to be me in a room by myself watching all my friends on Zoom, much like my 12th birthday when I was in ICU about to have a bone marrow transplant and I couldn't have anyone visit me in the same room and I had to look through a window.

So, yeah, having a bunch of podcast fans watch my birthday should be just as, if not more depressing than that one. So looking forward to that. Well, I guess that answers the question, gee, what did you get for your 14th birthday? But it sounds like bone marrow. So don't double up, guys. Don't send in bone marrow for this birthday.

What do you get? The man who has everything. So check that out. Get a ticket to that, littledumbdumbclub.com. Stick around. At the end of the episode, we'll. Get a ticket to that, littledumbdumbclub.com. Stick around. At the end of the episode, we'll have more to say to you in Talking Dumb Dumb. But until then, enjoy this brand new episode with guests Andrew Wolfe and Cameron James. Hey, mates, welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week.

Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and with me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. We've got two very special guests today. First of all, joining us from Sydney, we have Cameron James. Hey, mates. I'm fucked. I feel fucked.

And zooming in from Western Australia, the current hardest working man in show business, it's Andrew Wolfe. Yes. Hey, guys. How are you going? Just straight from a gig. I've come straight here. I'm doing day gigs now as well. I feel like we should be telling the listeners at home just so they know that just before

we started recording, both Cameron, James and myself, we've both taken our wedding rings off our fingers. Yeah. So we are able to fuck during this podcast. Yeah. This is our hall pass. We're single on the podcast. We are officially single.

Also, by the way, guys, here's a little cheat. If you take your wedding ring off, it's not cheating, but if you come through the wedding ring hole, that's the only way that it's not cheating. You can do anything you want, but you have to come through the wedding ring hole. That's like sort of being carried over the threshold after getting married. If you come through the wedding ring, that's still being married.

To be fair, Carl, Wolfie also took his wedding ring off before the podcast. He just did it way, way before you guys did. My wife took it from me during the settlement. It was a couple of months ago. I didn't get anything, really. Me and Cam's thing was a bit of a joke, and Wolfie's a bit of a tragedy. I went very quiet when you guys started talking about it

and kept thinking about, fuck, what did happen to that wedding ring? That should have been split up during the assets. Surely we should have melted that down. Like, she's fucking kept that. She kept the other ring. I feel like the ring they get to keep, like, that was outside of their asset pool. Do you think that's fair? Right.

The asset pool? How much money do you think that ring is worth? The rings, what would yours have cost? Like, $200? They're not expensive. Dude, we got it from that vending machine, man. It was alright.

You had to use that magical arm to grab it. It was hard to get. Shouldn't you both go to the top of a volcano and chuck them in at the end of the marriage or something? Yeah, man. But the thing is, there's no value to the ring now because if she keeps it and then uses it on the next guy, then I've got the the claim the bagging rights because when i meet her new partner and she's wearing the ring we're engaged and i'm like oh yeah i bought the ring i'm all powerful there's no value to anyone wanting to buy an ex wedding ring from andrew wolf i would

have thought yeah man that's the thing is the thing is you don't actually get much money you don't get much money back from them down at Cash Converters, hey, because I did actually check it out. Oh, that would be a major thing at Cash Converters. How many wedding rings would they have copped down at Cash Converters? Yeah, yeah. Seriously. I think it's mainly wedding rings down there, hey, mostly.

And then some stolen DVDs and that's about it. Yeah, yeah. So, Wolfie, your theory is that your ex is holding onto this ring, and she's then going to wear that on her finger for the next guy that she's with. So this idea that someone that she's dating, they have the discussion about marriage, and she's like, and look, when you come to that point of proposing,

don't even worry about going down to Tiffany's and getting a ring. I've already got one good to go from my ex, so I'll just give you that. Yeah, I've got one from this loser. They'll rub it in my face. That is a wild. Congratulations, Derek. And also, I love the ring.

Great choice, mate. She's got a hooded ring. I think that's really... I'm happy for you, Wolfie. You seem so happy talking about it. You don't look depressed at all. Man, I'm just so excited that she's going to meet someone better than me. You know, I just always wanted her happy.

It's a nerve-wracking thing because she's starting to meet other guys. Do you know? I haven't met anyone. Do you know? It's almost like a race. She's already had multiple partners. And I'm like, fuck, I can't even fucking get someone to talk to me after a set what if she uses that wedding ring and it's like it's haunted and it's sort of it possesses the

spirit of you and like she she goes out with this this great doctor or whatever and then she puts the ring on him and it just turns into into Wolfie Part 2. Oh, my God. Yeah, it's like the mask. Yeah. I like this. So Dr. Langbridge has got this fucking Wolfie ring on, and he's halfway through, you know, stitching up someone's aorta and just goes, hey, what do you reckon about this, eh?

What if we just stitched this up to your fucking eyeballs instead? I wonder what would happen then. Oh, this guy hates me. I don't know what happened. Have you got a problem with me? This guy hates me. What's your problem? Why do you hate me?

Why do you hate me? Yeah, I just started slashing him up. You know what? Why don't I just rip the heart out of this cunt like fucking she did to me, eh? Let's do that. I put a dog's heart in there. It's fine, hey. It's going to be good. They're similar size. We put a pig's do that. I'll put a dog's heart in there. It's fine. Hey, it's going to be good.

They're similar size. We put a pig's heart in. Who cares? We're cutting corners, mate. Dude, that would be funny because I did think I was cursed for a while. Like I was having sort of... For a while. Do you know, the luck just got so bad.

The luck got so bad and the lowest point was when I went to... I would have thought that your wife would have thought she was cursed for a couple of years at least she really was but the lowest moment for me as i went to my car i opened the door the door wasn't fully open i was on my phone and then the door of its own volition slammed into my face and cut cut the side of my eye and i was like how's that possible do you think i am haunted because my life is so bad and i'm like i've never seen i've never seen a door just fly open into someone's face and gone fucking where's casper everyone come on yeah my water got disconnected because i didn't pay the bill oh i'm cursed it's hit me again.

Call in Dan Aykroyd. Where's Bill Murray? Let's fix this problem. Yeah, man. The big ghost chasing me at the moment is the ATO. The ATO haunted me. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's being haunted. God, I haven't done my taxes for six years

and now I've got to pay $50,000. This is fucking, this is a haunting. This is an absolute haunting. This is like, this is like The Walking Dead. Fucking hell. I ate sushi at a petrol station

and now my, there's a brown ghost coming out of my asshole. Now the police are after me for shoplifting. I don't know what's going on. It just never ends. I'm in my own horror movie.

Yeah. Okay, great. Great. Well, my own horror movie. Yeah. Okay, great. Great. Well, we've set the bar there. Very nice. Yeah. Now, Wolfie. Now, Wolfie, we've talked about this before on the show that you are a comedian, but by

day, you are lucky enough to hold down a job of sorts. You are a stockbroker. Yeah, mate. I'm a fully-fledged licensed stockbroker until that gets haunted. You know, I don't know what's happening. ASIC seems to be... Yeah, until your price got issues with me as well. You know, it never is.

No, man, yeah, but I'm fully-fledged, mate. You wouldn't believe it. I started my career in, like, I did accounting and then a boiler room, exactly like you would, you know, in one of those movies. Hard, doing phone calls. We did 300 and then a boiler room exactly like you would you know in one of those movies hard doing phone calls we did 300 phone calls a day cold leads

closing people exactly like the movie Glenn Gary Glenn Ross style really it was like that what do you mean you don't want to make money Glenda you got 30 grand

in superannuation you're 69 Wolfie that reminds me you're fucking going to be on cat food in a year that reminds me Wolfie when I was like 21 I worked at a call centre

That was reselling Tickets to concerts So they'd buy like tickets to big concerts Wholesale and then they'd Sell them at a higher And they'd sell them at a higher price And I went away I went away for a weekend

And when I came back it had been fully Boiler roomed and they'd been like kicked out of the office and everything. It was exactly like in the movie. That's exactly what I had, man. And I even had, I saw like, we watched Wolf of Wall Street and there were scenes in there that I had already seen. It was like deja vu.

Like I remember there's a scene of him, there's a scene of a stockbroker closing a client and he's pulling fingers as they talk and go, yeah, I'm going to end it. I'll get that fucking caravan. I'll get what I want. And I knew a broker that would close people and he did that in front of the group as we all hooted and cheered. It was so disgusting.

And he was like, listen – and she was like, yeah, look, Jeff, and I'm going to get these clothes. And he was actually pulling fingers like a fucking, and that's one of the scenes in Wolf of Wall Street where he closes someone and then, you know, like mocks them to the group doing sort of shit on the phone. What were you selling? Were you like getting them to invest in things or what? Dude, what we did is the main angle was superannuation

because no one really cares about it. So you get cold leads, you get cold leads, and you'd be like, hey, how are you going? just wanted to know how your super's going at the moment and then you would enter and lead and then you do a series of sales tactics it was it was despicable i felt i feel bad that i did it man to be honest were you were you any good thing were you any good at it dude this was this was the good thing you wouldn't think by by the way I am, but the turnover there was insane. I think about 99% of people were fired. They would get people from like HR and people from other sales thing,

but it's much harder to sell finance. Do you know what I mean? Because it's like they've got 200 grand. It's easier to sell like a ticket, but I somehow was good at it. You had to close, you had to do 300 calls a day and I had to close 10 clients a month. So I would ring random people out of the blue and then they never meet me.

And within three phone calls, they signed over their superannuation to me. Oh my God. Yeah. That's psycho. The script was amazing, dude. Oh my God. The script was amazing.

There must be hundreds of homeless 70-year-old people in Sydney, thanks to you, surely. Yeah, well, do you know what I mean? They knew the risks. You know, the worst thing would happen is because they would put pressure on you. They go, like, you have to close them with two calls, three calls maximum. Like we don't have fucking time for it. So what you would end up doing is like they would maybe,

like a client would go away. So you had first two calls and then he would, like I had one situation, the guy put his car in for a service and his mobile was still in there. So then when he was on the hook, but I needed to close by Friday. So I was fucking hammering this phone, just going, come on, pick up, man. I need fucking 10 closes. I'm getting fired. But so he picked his car up a week later, and I think he had like 157 missed calls from me with voicemails.

And he said, you know what? I'm not feeling so good about this investment now, man. I don't think I'm interested. I'm like, where were you, dude? I rang on Friday. I had one hour to get a fucking close. I hit you up all weekend. I needed that number.

I was going to get fired. And yeah, so there was some bad situations. That's so funny that he's gone, like in two seconds, he's gone from signing over his life savings to getting an injunction against you in two seconds. Oh my God. Well, nothing instills confidence more than just like someone calling you and being like i need you to fucking give me an answer in the next 20 minutes motherfucker if you don't give me a fucking answer now i'll

fucking kill myself okay you have to fucking you know it's good things are going really well in the office so no pressure but fucking do it right No, but the thing is it plays into the theme because everyone's on the phone and they just think the market's hot because you're like, it's running, mate, it's running. You've got to get in. The stock's going through the roof. Do you know what I mean? So that's the intensity.

But the guy that ran it was so dodgy. I wish I could mention his name. He's in Sydney, the AFR, Australian Financial Review, talking about him a lot, but he was like a Fagan type character. Oh, I love him. He would hoodwink people in and he was like a Jordan Belford. He would do sales pitch and he was fucking, he was a good speaker, man. Like he had no education, but he convinced me I was a fucking chartered accountant.

And I was like, this guy makes sense. Hey, it felt like you'd gone to an Anthonyony robbins sort of hypnosis thing i was like maybe i should get but the thing is i was only using as a temporary thing because you have to after accounting you have to work for two years in a licensed broken brokerage firm before you can go independent so i always knew it was dodgy but like i needed two years on the clock so then i was able to set up my own place. And that's where we're at now, Carl. Okay, so that's where we're at. We're one of our major clients.

Andrew Wolfe, that's it. Now I am, as of a few weeks ago, an official client of Andrew Wolfe. You are officially my stockbroker. Officially my stockbroker. You've got me in the market. It took 47 calls with Carl, which wasn't much. Hard selling. How much of his life savings did you end up getting as well?

Did he sign any of that over to you? My superannuation. He's got the bucket of coins that I got from Spleen after the open mic gig. So he's got all of that. He's got a lot of five cent coins from me. What he doesn't realize is you're my only client at the moment. That's why I'm so intent. I was business man this this is the thing so i i i you are now my share my my stockbroker i'm a shareholder now you've said to me i got intrigued i was talking about all this sort of stuff and i don't know anything about shares and i was like you know

what i'm gonna get in i'm gonna get an, you know what? I'm going to get in. I'm going to get an interest. You know what you're talking about. You were really excited about some share. I was like, you know what? Let's do it. And I signed over all these thousands of dollars of money to Andrew Wolfe, who once I did that, once I did that, I then realized, hang on a minute. My stockbroker lives with his mum and dad.

I'm not sure if that's the best idea. Also, like, global pandemic, global pandemic wiped out a bunch of your income. What better time to start gambling with the money that you do have? There's no better place to put your money than a gambler down on his luck, man. It's a sure thing, baby. We're going to gamble our way back out of this hole.

Yeah. So then I thought, A, you live with your parents, but B, then someone else told me a story about that they were walking through Kmart and then they didn't, you hadn't seen them, but they just spied you across the aisle and you were holding like a toy megaphone and screaming at your own children, you'll never know the real me. No way.

Who told you this story? Who told you this story? Just you and your children and you screaming, you'll never know the real me at your own children through a toy megaphone in Kmart. That's my stockbroker. That's who I need to give thousands of dollars to trust. The only part of the story I don't believe is there's no way I would have done the toy microphone.

I would have been on the main intercom. Price check on your childhood. Price check on your childhood. No refunds. Dude, I forget that I've got such a loud voice. Also, when it's amplified. But fuck, who the fuck saw that story? That's totally in my wheelhouse because I always take them to Kmart

because it's like big, you can just play there. You're like, who told you this? Who saw this? You said it in Kmart. This is not a secret. You said it in probably the busiest place in Perth. Yeah, this is public domain. This is the opposite of the vault.

But you know Kmart's the hot tip for kids, right? Because you can go there and just run wild. Do you know like those TikTok videos, but you've just got you and two kids and we just go mental, playing, you're on the bikes, you run around, and there's no clean up.

There's no clean up. You're just kicking balls around. It's a fucking shop. Dude, you can. It's not a park. What are you talking about? It's not a pirate store. It's not international waters where What are you talking about? It's not a pirate store. It's not international waters where you can just do whatever the fuck you want,

yell whatever you want at your own kids, and there's no scars. You're still going to be a proper parent and a proper citizen in a shop. Kmart is weekend daycare. It's fun, man. You go to Kmart, you pull out some $50 notes that say property of Carl Chandler. You start just throwing them around the shop for other people to pick up and watch the feeding frenzy. Dude, I can... Yeah.

Fuck it. No one cares. Even the staff don't care in there, don't you think? They're all having fun. Yeah, they're not paid enough. They're not paid enough to deal with someone like you screaming at their fucking own kids through a megaphone. That's for sure. In fairness,

I would have been doing it as a laugh. We've been getting our kids, have you seen that succulent Chinese meal? Have you seen the YouTube video? I've been saying a lot of that sort of stuff. Get your hands off my penis! It's all in jokes.

To your children at Kmart. Let's just confirm that. Pinder's been doing it as well, and his daughter has been yelling out stuff like that at school. She yelled out, a succulent Asian penis, or no, a succulent Chinese penis at class. And they're like, what is going on? I don't know, man.

I thought it was a bit of fun. Were you saying this before the video came out, though? Like, what's the timeline? Yeah, yeah. Man, Perth is fucked. What the fuck are you guys doing over there? I know you've got no restrictions at the moment. You need to get more restrictions.

Yeah, this is your defense of the Kmart story too. Like I've actually yelled way worse stuff at my kids, guys. So just lay off. Yeah. I go much harder. Oh, jeez, man. I wish I knew who had watched me. I wish they'd come up and said hello, hey?

That would have been nice. Guys, guys, I might go a bit quiet. I've just opened my Excel sheet. I'm just writing off this money as a loss right now, if that's okay. Dude, i've got to tell you something though do you know what's so good about your money is like obviously it's killing it you know where you're at so now you're up 30 already we don't have to talk about what the what the share is but the story is so you've you've told me something was going to go red hot

you you've put your own money god knows how much money you've put into it. I've put a bit of an interest in there. But it is, as of what was the initial share number and what is it now, Wolfie? Well, you got in at $3.43 and it's $4.40. No, no, no, you got in at $3.43, yeah, and it's $4.40 at the moment. Oh, very nice. But it's only just started. I don't know what that means.

I got into that original... What does that mean? I got in the original stock. I got in the stock at $1.05. Four's bigger than three, Cam. That's a hot tip there. Hey, maybe I could be a stockbroker. I'm talking about his portfolio.

So he put in $3.43 And it's currently worth $4.40 I made $1 Pretty good His last savings So you've done well But once the brokerage comes out You actually owe me about $300

Right Oh, that's a convenient amount $300 I can think of something that you can get for about $300 Oh, mate, yes, you're right You're right $300. I can think of something that you can get for about $300, Wolfie. Oh, mate, yes, you're right. You're right. Take you back to those Wolf of Wall Street days, huh?

To only lose $300 out of a relationship with Wolfie, I think I've actually done quite well. Wolfie, you should just start saying, you should just start saying, yeah, you can pay me $ 300 or just get me a bag just get me a bag yeah yep we accept these are mastercard cash bags how about half in money half in drugs like that's perfect i've got a special deal going at the moment. Speaking of not knowing the real you, yeah. You know what I loved about setting up Carl's account is I didn't have his phone number and I got it off the dum-dum, off the website.

He had to put that in. Oh, God. I didn't bother ringing him. I was like, oh, this is fucking widely available. And it was the real number. You just Googled it. Great. Man, I've spent, hey, hey wolfie i actually might need your help because i've been uh losing hundreds

of dollars over the last week or so um on the cameo app are you do you know much about cameo wolfie well i've seen some uh unlikely characters get on it recently yeah how long have you been on there i'm not on there's a couple of people that i i'm not on it but. How long have you been on it? I'm not on it. There's a couple of people that are. I'm not on it, but I've been buying them. I've been buying them. There's a lot of people we know on Cameo selling videos of themselves for $10 a pop. So, Cam, would you say this?

At this point, I guess we're a little bit fascinated with Cameo because you think of all these big famous people from Hollywood that are doing it and then now there's probably comedians that are probably not very famous in Australia that are just scrambling trying to get any income and are now selling messages on Cameo whereas they can't give them away for free at the end of a gig at an open mic. Would you say that's fair? I've been loving this story. I love this story.

Yeah, and I support the arts as well. So I've been supporting the arts by buying cameos from Australian comedians that are $10, $15 a box. Big name. Big name. You're talking Carl Barron. You're talking Jemoan. You're talking Adam Hills.

I've been going a little lower than that. So the first one I bought was from Kyle Legacy who – Oh, this is who I wanted. This is who I wanted. He's a Sydney, let's say, open mic. Can you get below open mic? Can you get below that? A closed mic.

A closed mic. A closed mic, right. A closed mic, a closed mic. A closed mic, right. A closed mic. I love that Cam's in here because I tried to do the exact same thing I think he's about to say, but when I uploaded my script, they had a word limit because I uploaded like the Greta Thunberg speech and I wanted him to say that. And then they were like,

there's a word count and I was like, fuck off. I'm not fucking $10 unless he's yelling. How dare you? How very dare you? You didn't think you could just edit

Greta's speech? You could have just edited it. But I wanted the essence. I could get a little bit of it but not enough because I wanted to tweak it

a little bit to fuck him up. Yeah, it's pretty small. You've got to buy the installments. It's about 200 words or something that you're allowed to give them. Yeah. And you can choose whether it can be like a pep talk

or a happy birthday message or a roast or whatever. So I got Kyle Legacy to give a pep talk to Sam Taunton, comedian Sam Taunton, who from memory is on someone's comedians I would fuck list from the last time that I was on the show. Yes, yes. He's on my list, man. He's on my list.

Good looking young comedian. All I said was my friend Sam has recently found love. Can you please give him a show of support for this? And by the way, I should say, I set up a fake account and everything. Like I went, I made a fake email address. It's not fake anymore, Cam. It's come out now.

I know it's come out now. I set up a fake name, fake email address. You're trying to say you were very thorough in your bullying. You weren't just doing it surface level. You were going deep. You were putting in the time and the hard yards to make fun of this guy a nerd of bullies i've gone you're you're you're the raging bull of bullies oh yeah raging bully and uh yeah the best the best bullying comes from the shadows man that's where you do your best the message came

back from kyle and it was better than I ever could have imagined because he invented the narrative himself that it was a message congratulating Sam from coming out as gay. And so he's shirtless in the message. He keeps pointing to his own chest and saying, no, no, no, you will never have this. No, no, no, no, you will never have this. No, no, no.

And he fucking, he says the F word. I don't even, I didn't ask him to say that. But right out of the gate, he says the F word. Holy shit. I saw this one. I remember him saying the F word. It still rings in my head. I couldn't believe he said it.

I was like, how the fuck did he say that What plan is he on What's he doing Like what's he fucking doing This guy doesn't care You know what the problem is Now that you mentioned it It's going to blow up I wish Kyle Legacy

I wish Kyle Legacy had something We could cancel him from now I know Well he's a straw man man But you know what As soon as I realised You can't take anything from him You can get Kyle Legacy

To say the F word on Cameo I was like this guy will be the first millionaire of cameo he'll be making so much fucking money people will be coming yeah i bet i can get the n word i bet i can get him you know what you know what cam you know what cam i reckon you won't even have to pay that ten dollars or whatever it is because that's the first time Kyle Legacy will have ever got paid doing comedy. So he'll frame that check. You know, he'll never catch it. Yeah, he charges about 1% of what Shaq does, but he'll out-earn him within about five days, I reckon.

Definitely. And then I got carried away because that was such a good first time that I got greedy and I ended up spending about $250 on Australian comedians. Oh, wow. I got everyone. I got them all. You're the Australian comedy stimulus at the moment. You're pumping money back in, keeping the scene alive.

I love it. Single-handedly. I got Lindsay Webb. I got Rory Lowe. I got Kieran Lyons. I got everyone, Kyle Hacker, everybody,

everyone who's on there. And all I wanted was just, I just wanted them to give like generic messages of support for people. I actually got one for Tommy and Carl that was going to be giving you guys tips on how to be better comedians and better podcasters. I got one for Goldstein that was going to be doing you guys tips on how to be better comedians and better podcasters. I got one for Goldstein that was going to be doing the same thing. Anyway, so two nights ago I was at a gig with Kieran Lyons, who's someone that I have supported through Cameo.

These are all Australian comedians that haven't appeared on this show, so just so people at home realise. So people listening at home might be hearing all those names and going, I don't know who those people are. I've never heard them on the podcast. And that's what makes it so funny. That's what makes this such a funny bit. The fact that you haven't heard of them is why this is so funny.

So Kieran, who's a lovely guy, came up to me at the gig and said hey did you book me on cameo and i instinctively lied like i kicked in like i was like i was tom ripley from the talented mr ripley i was just like no what are you talking about what's cameo i don't even know what cameo is great great what's cameo great and then he went well it because it comes up with the phone number of the person who did it and because it was a request that i got at about 1 30 in the morning i thought it was a bit sus so i searched the phone number on facebook and it came up with you and i went wow i went oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah cameo i've just remembered cameo not being able to leave the house at the moment and then you are in Sydney and able to leave the house

and this is what's happening to you. It's making me feel a lot better about being indoors. It's too stressful out there. I was so stressed. Now Cam can't leave the house because he's going to run into two of you. You've got an ankle bracelet on. I'm down of my own making.

He goes, I've got this request at 1.30. I found out it was from you. What's that all about? Are you like making fun of me or something? And I spun this lie so quick. I was like, oh, no, phone hacks. It was phone hacks. Mike Goldstein and Nick Hapa.

It was something to do with them. And he kind of believed it. But then we had to record at 1.30 in the morning because they're both flat out. What was the message that you were going to have him say? The message was... Are you allowed to say it? It was for Tommy and Carl and it was just like a show of support for Melbourne during this period of lockdown and COVID.

And it was telling them to keep their chin up and stay strong and stuff like that. Fuck, that's so good. Did he do it or did he refuse? He didn't do it. And he must have spread the word because about half an hour ago, before we started recording this podcast,

I just got a bunch of notifications on my Cameo app saying that all of them have been rejected because i think i must have spread the word because i got it fucking dm i got a dm on instagram from rory lowe saying why did you book me on cameo what is this about oh no i can't try to spin this lie going no no it was it's a it's a thing for phone hacks um they've hacked me my phone's been hacked it wasn't me like trying my hardest to spin this lie none of it landing so now i'm like the most wanted man on cameo yeah so just just just to explain a lot of people at home won't realize who these people are, why you've done this.

Let's just explain the joke here. You think that these people aren't very good comedians and how funny would it be if we got messages from them? That's the joke there, right? That's what's happening here? It's more just like I just find it funny that people are on Cameo that aren't famous. And just getting messages from them is funny to me. And Kyle Legacy played along so well and gave me such good content that I just thought everyone would do it.

Mate, you've done nothing wrong. You've done nothing wrong. It's a natural prank. Like, I attempted to do it myself. Like, of course you're going to do it. I was going to pepper it. I just didn't have any money at the moment. Hang on.

Hang on. What happened to mine? Where's mine? Your money's been paid to another client. Fucking hell. I used your money to pay out another client. Do you know? I'm kind of it.

I don't want to say that it's, it was being mean for sure, but it has nothing to do with people's talents as a comedian. Some of them are good comedians. Mate, they exposed themselves though, because I reckon a true comic would play along with it. Like Kyle did the right move. The moves to play with it, not to go like, don't you fucking humiliate me.

Kyle didn't play along with it. You're a fucking clown. Play with the joke. Do you know what I mean? He didn't play with it it. You're a fucking clown. Play with the joke. Do you know what I mean? He didn't play with it. He's too dumb to fucking know what's going on. It just shows that

all those other people have got a modicum of intelligence and that's, you know, salute to them. Whereas Legacy has fucking no idea. He thought his Legacy thought

Legacy thought his cameo was blowing up. He's going to fucking make it. I'm in it. I just, um, as Cam was was telling that story like we're recording this in the middle of the day and typically a lot of people on cameo they will get back to you quite quickly so i just quickly opened the app and had a bit of a scroll through i thought wouldn't this be wonderful if i could covertly order a message from an australian comedian right now on the app telling cam james to go fuck himself

i had a i had a quick scroll through the app telling Cam James to go fuck himself. I had a quick scroll through the app and one of the first things I saw on Cameo, friend of the show Brett Blake, a video message on Cameo from friend of the show Brett Blake, a cool $35 for a personalised greeting from Blakey. That's going for more than one of Carl's shares that have gone through the fucking roof. Yeah. That is a lot of money. That's 10 shares.

That's 10 shares. 35 bucks. How do they work out the pricing? Because Carl was like five bucks. Rory Lowe's 20, I think, from memory. I think you said it yourself. I think you said, I think you can choose what you make it. It's just absolute.

It's like the disparity between fame and money people are making is absurd on that. You know, like there's people from TV that are charging $10 or something like that. And then there's people we know that are charging $60 or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Tommy, I've said this to you.

We're getting on it, but we're cutting out the middleman. We're not doing cameo. We'll just do it directly through our site. We'll call it Dummy-O, and it's me because people keep asking us. People are asking us to do one. So let's just do one on our website and not through that. So you know what? It'll be harder for us to get pranked as well.

I cannot wait. I cannot wait to get the system out. Vehemently, vehemently disagree. That is a crazy link in... That is a crazy break in Cameo's cyber security that they just give out the phone number of the person who made the order to the person who's gotten it.

That's fucking insane. Yeah, it's really rattled me. It's really fucking rattled me, man. I've not been sleeping. They shouldn't be doing that because now for $10 they can contact you for the rest of their life. They've done what Tommy did to Carl. Yeah, yeah.

They're available. And you know what? They're going to fuck you up big time. I got one like two months ago for my girlfriend. My girlfriend had a job interview and we'd been watching this reality TV show on Netflix called Too Hot to Handle. And I had a look and I found this guy called Bryce who was from that show. And I got him to do one for my girlfriend,

wishing her good luck for the job interview she had coming up. And we were also going away for a weekend, like right after she had the job interview so I include all these details in the little thing that I sent to Bryce and it comes back and it's him going like yo good luck at the job interview and uh you know I'm sure you're looking forward to your getaway I wish I was coming to be honest wish I was getting in the hot tub with you I could really use a break because you know you seem I'm just getting a good energy off you based on what your boyfriend's telling me and yeah I'd love to be there you know you know, you seem – I'm just getting a good energy off you based on what your boyfriend's telling me and, yeah, I'd love to be there, you know, having a good time with you.

I'm like, did I pay this cunt to cuck me? Like, and now knowing that he now potentially has her phone number because I got it sent directly to her, I'm fucking spewing. This guy's going to be sliding in. Great. Hey, girl, the next message for free, baby. Give me a call. So bad.

Have you seen the ones where they've been pranking, like that Carol from Tiger King? Did you see that one? No, no. They're getting her to shout. They got Carol Baskin or whatever her name is to shout out to Ralph Harris. Rolf Harris.

On a cameo. Ralph. Ralph Harris. Ralph Harris. Oh, Harris. On a cameo. Ralph. Rolf Harris. Rolf Harris. Oh, Rolf or Rolf. Who knows, man? He's disgraced. But then they had someone else doing from fucking one of those crap shows over in the US.

And she did Seventh Heaven. Seventh Heaven. She did a shout out to Ivan Milat. But they don't know what they're saying. And they're like, hey, Ivan, thank you so much for all that work you've done with those backpackers, obviously a great effort. But it's fucking horrific.

You have to look at them, man. They're fucking great. Someone hit us up to do a thing for, they were doing a trivia night over Zoom. It was a group of friends and they're all listeners of this podcast and they had a round that was all dum-dum themed trivia so someone asked us to do a video introducing that introducing the dum-dum round of trivia and so i sent it to them and then afterwards the next day i was like how did this go and they

were like oh yeah it killed because no one else knew it was coming up it was a surprise and um yeah it was nearly as good as uh the person we had in the round before you i'm like oh what was that and they're like we got on Cameo and got a Bernie Sanders impersonator to introduce the round before you guys. So I almost prefer that. We don't even get on Cameo. We just get Tommy and Carl impersonators and then we take a cut and then we just get two guys who kind of look like us to do all the work.

Oh, man. But have you seen those impersonators on Cameo? Because it's like there's one for $69 that's a Robert De Niro impersonator. It's like $69. You can get like real-life celebrities for less than that. And for $69, you've just got some fucking 50. You can get two Brett Blanks. Yeah.

Are you talking to me? Two bread legs. Are you talking to me? For 69 bucks, you're just getting some 55-year-old cunt who's leaning back and squinting his eyes. Oh, yeah. Happy birthday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cam, you know what's good about this story?

You're getting your money back now, hey? Yeah, I get all that money back. I get all that money back. So I can invest that in your fucking stockbroking scam that you've got going on. Yeah, yeah. That's what you should do, Cam. You should actually get on Cameo,

put out your wares, and just whatever you earn, it's like some sort of charity scheme where whatever money you earn goes back into the industry. So this is just for funding other cameos that you're getting for bullying yeah yeah yeah yeah yes man we're living in the golden age of bullying at the moment with all this lockdown i did a twitch gig the other night have you guys heard of these twitch gigs that are going on no right so no not the gigs which is like a i didn't really know what

it was but it's like a video game streaming thing. And people play games and then there's comments going on. You can comment on people playing games. I did a fucking gig over Twitch where the comments were up on screen while everyone was on. Brutal. Absolute brutal. The MC was on and all the comments were just, Die, cunt. Fuck you.

You suck. You're going to fucking kill yourself. And then the first action was like this bitch fucking died. MC was on and all the comments were just, die, cunt, fuck you, you suck. Oh my God, dude. Kill yourself. And then the first act was like, this bitch, fuck this bitch. Oh shit. Wow. Are you serious?

I was watching him having a fucking... Dude, who was the MC? Oh, Kieran Lyons was MC and he handled it very well. And this was, by the way, this is after he confronted me. Hang on, were you in the comments, Cam? Were you in the comments? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Been he confronted me. Hang on, were you in the comments, Cam? Were you in the comments? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, a bit rich of you to be like, oh, this stuff happened

and it hurt my feelings. It was a bit mean. Meanwhile, I was paying good money to do the same thing. Yeah, but when I do it, it's just cheeky and there's a glint in my eye. When they do it, it's me. I don't like it when they do it. Have you done any of these, Wolfie? Oh, these?

Yeah, man. I think I watched that one, but it was delayed. Can you watch it non-live? Because I was trying to comment, but they weren't going through. I was trying to attack some of the acts going, get off, you fucking. Go and read your cameo, loser. I've got a new cameo for you. No, I've done one, man, and it's like a mental health issue.

I did a Zoom gig, and there's no feedback. Do you know what I mean? So you're just shouting into the abyss. I was just randomly yelling about coronavirus over and over until these geologists for 15 minutes. And I'd only meant to do 10, but I lost track of time. So they go, well, that was good. That was a bit hot and heavy

how the fuck are you going long over zoom it's fucking excruciating and also you've got a clock next to your camera how can you not know i ran into the md was trying to do a pitch on a stock and i ran into that time yelling about my wife and just being locked down. But the thing is, because you're not getting feedback, I thought I was crushing, but I have no idea. Do you know what I mean? It was just random stream of conscience shit. I'm locked up.

I'm eating weird food. It's just so shit. Who would have thought that Andrew Wolfe would not have killed a gig in front of geologists online? To be honest, I actually did do well because a stockbroker said I knew a lot of their companies and they're all sort of scammers. So I was able to go like, Alice Queen, mate, you've been ripping people off for eight years, haven't you, you dog?

You know what I mean? And then get last of them. Another cap raising, you absolute arsehole. But yeah, I don? And then you laugh at the bed with another. Another cat raising you absolute arsehole. But yeah, I don't think it went well, man. These Zoom gigs are hard, hey? Even doing it,

like this is hard, don't you reckon? Just doing the pod on Zoom. This is gold. This is gold. What's wrong with this? Yeah, this is more fun than being in the same room.

Yeah. Do you know what my dream for you, Carl, is? I want to get your money up so I can buy you that Thai bar. Now, here's the thing. Now, when we were talking about stocks and shares,

I mentioned to Wolfie, I was like, this is when everything was going down. I was like, and I saw all the prices of the bars and restaurants in Koh Samui going right down. I was like, oh, you know what? If we earn enough money, maybe I'll look into getting one of these. And now, Wolfie is now more obsessed

with the idea of me buying a bar in Thailand than I am. So every time he's given me the updates, he's like, that's enough. You can get the bar now. Get the bar. You can get the bar, mate. Yeah, he wants a job there

when it all comes crashing down around him. Yeah. Dude, I just want to name it. It'll be fun. The listeners can come up with a name. I can't even think off the cuff, but it's the dream. We can go and live over there. But you know what I'm doing?

I've got a couple of comedian clients now, so I'm sort of doing what Cam's doing, but it's more elevated punk. Do you know? I'm fucking them up, but with a lot more money. I'm taking their life savings and bullying people and going, oh, sorry, mate. I don't pick up the phone.

Well, speaking of that, well, speaking of the bar in Koh Samui, because it's like, look, the prices have gone right down and, you know, it is very tempting because they are very cheap. The only problem is, of course, it's, you know, they might be cheap bars, but they're bars that we can't go to for another fucking year, who knows what. But, of course, my one sort of like contact with kosamui still is the webcams and um i i talked about it on the socials this week um there's about six seven eight nine um

webcams in kosamui and they're all controlled by the same guy and someone messaged me and said oh have you checked they're all down today and then um then I found out that the guy has just taken them all down because he's run out of money or whatever that controls them. And so he's put up on his Facebook page, you know, oh, look, sorry that they're all down, but, you know, the cost of hosting them has gone through the roof and I'm not getting the money in. And he's put this sort of sob story and I'm like, oh, man,

I feel really bad because I'm logging onto these web to these webcams like you know once every couple of days i'm looking at them for ages and i was like right i'm gonna put in and then he goes yeah it's all thanks thanks to this fucking scam demic this made up fucking um virus and all this stuff i'm like ah fuck it i can't put any money in now this This is fucked. You can't touch that, man. These conspiracy theories. I can't fund that. So I actually put that on the page. I was like, mate, you had me until you said scamdemic.

And then he just goes back at me and goes, who the fuck are you? And so then I'm going back and forth fighting with one of my heroes, the guy that runs the fucking webcams in Koh Samui. How many times did he mention 5G? Did he mention 5G? No, well. 5G, 5G, 5G.

I did it to troll him because I was like, well, I hope you bring them back. I hope you bring all the webcams back and use 5G, Bill Gates, you fuckhead. And so then he starts logging in with fake accounts on Facebook and starts fucking trying to troll me, but with the same language and the same insults that he's already used through the official page. Great. Are you sure this wasn't Cam?

This might have been Cam James. Yeah, it might have been Cam. Can we buy shares in the Koh Samui webcam industry and kick this cunt out? Is there any possibility? I want you to have this bar, man. I was thinking of a name then. I thought like Karl Asutra.

Karl Samui? Karl Asutra? Karl Asutra. Karl Asutra. Karl Asutra. Karl Asutra. Karl Asutra. Karl Asutra. Okay, look, it's a working title, but there's a start there, right? But I would like to get cams up there.

I don't know. Why would you want – why the fuck do you want to watch video of Thailand? What do you see? People just driving past with T-shirts on scooters? Yeah, I love that shit. I love it. It brings me back. It's like the streets that I walk. Yeah. Yeah. I love that shit. I love it. It brings me back.

It's like the streets that I walk down all the time when I'm over there. It's like, it's like my mini little holiday. Mate, you've got to upgrade your cams. That's the most insane thing I've ever heard of. You just watching basically CCTV footage. Yes. But live. But live. Live. Yes, but live. But live.

It's my little VR holiday. I used to do it, but I didn't do Thailand things. I had like, they had wilderness things, so they'd have it in like... You had one little camera get set up in the women's bathroom. Yeah, well, they did have that as well. They did have that. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, so we get this bar, as well. They did have that. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, so we get this bar, Wolfie.

We get this bar. Now, this happened once before. We were talking about it, and the money ended up being too crazy, and the laws were a bit crazy. I reckon we can circumvent some of them. I've had some information. The bars are like, you can buy a bar for like $10,000 over there. You get like 10, 20 dumb, dumb people involved. It ends up being like $10,000 over there, you get like 10, 20 dumb dumb people involved. It ends up being

like $500. We don't need group funding. I'm going to get there alone on the stocks. Trust me, man. It's a sure thing. I reckon I can hit that number. I reckon I can hit that number within six months. I'll throw it out there. If you can get me $10,000 off

these shares, I will absolutely buy it outright. Easy. Okay, well, mate, you can get me 10 grand off these shares, I will absolutely buy it outright. Easy. Okay. Well, mate. You have a child. You better get ready. You better get packing. And you're just throwing money at clients.

What child buys a bar in Thailand? You tell me a child that does that. Carl Chandler. Carl. Where was that in Richie Rich? That didn't happen. happen all right that's a grown-up decision what's the idea for the bar is it going to have like massages or food or we're going to karaoke what's the plan why did you go with massages first that's not a bar that's that's a massage yeah i know i know it was a very cheap thailand reference yeah exactly no no we have i regret that

i don't know you have some sort of like dum-dum mention in the name you get a half decent location so you know what they are all these places you can buy they're like 10 10 grand and they've got a restaurant they've got a bar and they've also got accommodation they've got like about room for about 12 15 people to stay in there so do you know what blows my mind 10 10 10 grand grand seems really cheap like what is this just a patch of sand with a fucking esky on it like what the fuck is this paying for a bit of beach space dude you've got two sticks on a beach like what the fuck 10 grand i would have thought it'd be like 30 40 no000, $40,000. Yeah, but for a good one, yes. But for a real base one, for a base one,

you can get them for like $10,000. But this is based on currently. This is based on recently, right? Because a lot of stuff has just closed up and been ruined because of coronavirus. These prices are more current, aren't they? So you're taking advantage of an island nation. Taking advantage of a third

world nation going down into a fourth world one. Yes, that's correct. Imagine Carl pitching his story to his wife. Or pumping money into their economy. Which one? Am I a saviour? Or am I an arsehole? There's a very thin line between the two. I like

if anyone lives, if there's anyone listening that lives in or around Koh Samui, there could be a good business venture here for you because the webcams are down. People like Carl Chandler are disappointed that they can't watch the webcams anymore. There's a simple solution here. Head down there and put Chiwang Beach on Cameo and just charge 50 bucks for a personalized photo of some waves.

Cameo Samui. I love it. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Have you spoken to your wife about any of these things you're doing? No, absolutely not. Carl, I want you to have a look at have a look at andrew wolf

because this is potentially your future if you're not communicating this shit with your wife you know what i mean imagine imagine the story arc you've put your life savings in with a degenerate grambler and then if you make you make a big win we're gonna buy a bar in thailand i'd be walking out that day hey yeah yeah lost her one of your stand-up clips on YouTube and say, this is our stockbroker, honey. This is our superannuation at work. You are starting your life's turning like mine now. You're like uncut gems, uncut diamonds.

What was that movie? You're starting to get into these murky gambling waters where you're like, we just need one win and then we'll get that bar and then we'll get the bar, we'll get more bars. Fuck, man. I'm seeing it coming through. To be honest, I was keen on the Koh Samui bar to start with. I was very keen.

And then the keener you got and then looking at you, the less keen I got. Because I'm like, if you're keen on this, this is this is a warning sign this is a red line i just want to bar some bar in the world where i can't get kicked out it's not where every it's not where everybody knows your name it's it's where everybody already knows what a cunt you are so they're used to it and not going to kick you out. I can just be like Barney from The Simpsons, just under the keg, just dreaming and yelling obnoxious shit. And go, boy, Bob, Carl bought it for me. It's Carlos Sutra, where everybody knows you're fucked. Yeah, yeah.

That's so good. Cam, are you keen to invest? No. I will say this. The only two other people, I've talked about this to other people recently, the only two people that are keen are Andrew Wolfe and Milan. So if that's not warning signals, I don't know what is. That's the dream team, dude.

That's like the last dance with Pippen, Jordan. Yeah, you've got one guy who'll buy all the drinks and then another guy who'll drink all the drinks. It's the perfect arrangement. It's not the perfect economy. It's not the last dance. It's the last chance. That's what it is.

It's the last chance. The last chance for any kind of fucking future nominee. That's so good. Oh, man, I do love this idea of a bar. I'd love to invest. I'd love to, but all my money's tied up in Cameo at the moment. I can't. I am. Cameo.

Oh, sorry. Go on. No, I was just going to say, I'm dying to know what these shares are and i can understand why you don't want to say that but um but the little gears have been turning in my head for this entire episode trying to work it out is it something is it something like corona related is

that why you think it's gonna shoot up it's the vaccine it rhymes it rhymes with hydroxychloroquine. It just rhymes with that. We've got a man on the inside. We've got a little guy in America just pumping it at the moment. That's why it's gone up a dollar each year. It's going okay. You are actually right. It's multifaceted.

It's stem cell business. Me so blah. Right, right, right. Don't name the business. Why the fuck are you naming it? We want it to go up, baby. The dum-dum clubs are going to buy into it now as well. We're front running.

They're going to rush it and we're going to sell into it. Why are we selling shares in this bar in Koh Samui instead of naming this fucking business? Buy shares in in Kala Sutri or whatever the fuck we were calling it. Kala Sutra. No, but I was saying there's a guy doing that

from Barstool. Have you seen that guy that does pizza tasting? And he, all the gambling's ended now, obviously, because of lockdown. So he started gambling on stocks and he goes online and does live feeds and he has no idea he does scrabble letters and goes we're buying this but then all his followers follow him and he makes a shitload of money but it's fucking illegal like you can't front run you can't buy

into a stock and he's online the whole time going like i'm fucking killing it i'm up 400 i'm like you're breaking the law you're going to jail jail soon, mate. He doesn't understand finance. It's front-running. It's illegal. It's like insider trading. But maybe we should – there's no harm in mentioning the stock, is there? Fuck, maybe I shouldn't have. You tell us.

You're the stockbroker. Who knows? We don't know anything about it. You know, can I say this? Can I ask this? It's general advice only. It's general advice only. Please consult your financial advisor before making any investment decisions.

Past performance is not reflective of future performance. Sorry, I had to put that disclaimer in. So you know when there's like an artist that's like not all there and they're finger painting or whatever and they say, oh, this is like outsider art. Is is that like is that is that like you wolfie with this insider trading is it like outsider trading yeah you can't get done with insider trading it's like you don't get done with insider trading if you're outside spectrum what's going on yeah yeah this is the jackson pollock of stockbrokers just throwing

shit at the wall and hoping that people take to it why is the bull and the bear having a 69er dude throwing darts from over my back has never never failed me before dude that was a good dart and it hit the right area of the board you're on baby you're gonna be rich you might buy two bars yeah great great oh we're gonna do a franchise now awesome yeah great i want it to be like the starbucks of thailand we're hundreds carl bucks this is we're gonna we're gonna sweep in we're gonna make all this money off shares we're gonna we're gonna make make this bar in Koh Samui public so that people can buy shares in it

and then we're just going to franchise around Koh Samui. I like it. I like this a lot. I've always said that. It's not bad. Pyleen needs more of a white presence. I've always said that. Yeah, yeah.

Franchise, McDonald's, Donut King. They'll make it so great out there. It's perfect. Kala Sutri Sut's. Donut King. They'll make it so great out there. It's perfect. Kala Sutri. Sutra. Yeah. Great. This is exciting.

I'm jealous. I want to play the stock market as well. I might buy some shares in Cameo. It sounds like they're really popping off. Are they on there? Can you find out, Wolfie? What's this? Cameo.

Cameo. They're not listed in the Australian Stock Exchange. I don't really focus on that, but they could be in the US. They probably are. I could get you – I'll look it up after because my computer screen's cracked. Oh, yeah. That's right. That's right. You sent us a photo of this before the recording of this, like,

a monitor that looks like it's been dropped from about five storeys up. This is the mainframe from which all of Carl's business dealings have been worked out. So maybe it hasn't gone up at all. Maybe there's like a few zeros before that four that are missing. Well, at least he knows I haven't used his money to fix my computer, but it's not a computer. This is my trading platform that you got a photo of.

Hey, you know what? The engine room of the business. There's one upside to this being my stockbroker. platform that you got a photo of hey you know what the engine room of the the business there's there's one upside to this being my stockbroker you know at least my daughter won't ever get fat because she's not gonna she's gonna be struggling to fucking eat i think for the next 10 years or so oh my god all right i think i've trashed my whole business now this is no good i better get a fucking cameo account set up I reckon you'll get a few nibbles from the listeners

after this, I reckon there'll be a few more There's a few people that listen to this that are dumb enough to want to employ you now after listening to this episode Well, if you want to triple your super I'm your man Nah, just joking I'm not meant to say that If you want to buy into this bar that me and Wolfie are raising the capital for,

yeah, let us know. Yeah, it's coming. Into this franchise. Yeah, well, or if you want to be a franchisee, if before the first one has opened, you're interested in running the offshoot one, let us know. If you want to go international with our franchise and open one in Australia before we open one in Koh Samui, let's talk.

Let's talk. That's so good. That's what we do. We've got all the branding down. We've got the name. We've got the branding. We know the Eskies. We've got the setup.

You get a camera in there. You know everything. Do we send them the Eskies? Do we send them an Eskie full of sand and then you just tip it upside down? There you go. Go. I'd love to see a Carla Sutro in Western Australia. That's where we need to see them.

It would blow up there, man. Just people would love it, hey? Great. You know what we've got to do? There's one little idea before we go. As soon as we open this bar in Koh Samui, we have, we have like the opening of it and we do like

Man's Chinese Theatre opening. We do like handprints in the footpath out the front of the bar of like dum-dum, dum-dum affiliated people. No, not dum-dums. All the cameo people

that Cam screwed over. The Cam Scott, right. Great. For luck. That's perfect. Am I being bullied? Nah, we'll give you

a thousand bucks to come put your hand in the cement. Come to Thailand and leave an impression of your asshole in the sand out the front

of Carla Sutra. Great. Alright, well we'd better wrap it up there for another week on the little Dumb Dumb Club. All right. Well, we'd better wrap it up there for another week on a little Dum Dum Club. Cam and Wolfie, thank you very much for joining us. Thanks, guys. Cam, James, you've got a bunch of podcasts to plug. You've got Total Reboot.

And for anyone who listened to Finding Drago, there's a new Finding Drago-esque thing coming out from me and Alexi very soon. So keep an ear out for that. Great. Check that out. And Wolfie, you've got a podcast that you just launched. Well, I'll be down in Kmart in an hour with the kids

for a meet and greet if anyone's keen. No, we've got a, I've got a new podcast out, Circling the Drain. It's like if a migraine was a podcast. So it's small batches, but have a look out if you want. It might not be full taste. It's just a lot of yelling and a lot of ADHD captured on record. I don't want to big it up too much, but before the show, you were telling us that you can tune in and figure out when people drop off, and it's about the 10-minute mark.

So look out for that. Well, they drop off. The moment I start talking, the audience drops. So I need to try to keep guests in the front side of me just closing up the show. Yeah, you need to start beefing up and saving some good gear for about 11 minutes in. That's what you need to do. Yeah, totally. Well, I've got this whole Kala Sutra minutes in. That's what you need to do. Yeah, totally. Well, I've got this whole Kala Sutra thing, so that's going to be a killer.

Great, great. All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. And as I live and breathe, they've done it again. Oh, too true, Tommy. You've really got a sixth sense for these things, haven't you? That was a real truth bomb that I just dropped on you.

Hope you were ready for that one. You always know when they've done it again. You've always, you know, it's like, what is it? Smell, sight, touch, taste, feel, and when they've done it again. Yeah, I'm like the little kid at the end of The Sixth Sense. I'm like, I see when they've done it again. Yeah. Yeah.

And guys, you know, this has been done before. Again, just please don't spoil the episode for people. If you see someone, you know, on the train listening, don't, and they've only just started, don't run past them and go, they did it again. They did it again. And spoil the episode for people. If you see someone on the train listening, and they've only just started, don't run past them and go, they did it again. They did it again. And spoil the episode. Yeah, there needs to be a bit of a moratorium on that.

Give people a couple of months and then start your discussions on whether or not they have done it again. But look, something I'd love to have spoiled for me is over to the sports desk to find out whether a big one has been kicked. Well, first of all, I was going to say we're like the, you know, with the one-trick pony with the done it again and being spoiled and everything. We're like the M. Night dumb cunt-a-lan of podcasting. Wow.

But like that. Sports desk. Broadcasting. Wow. But, like that. Sports Desk, this just in, this just in, thanks to AAP, thanks to the wire, the news wire, they have, Bernie has kicked a big one. Oh, right. Wow, a bit of an incorrect message coming through at the start there that started with they have and then whoever was talking to you through the cans realised the error in what they have, and then whoever was talking to you through the cans realized the error in what they were saying and quickly corrected themselves.

I've got two pairs of cans on. I'm trying to talk to you on the news desk. I'm trying to get the – because the news goes, the sports news goes to Geneva first, and then I get it back from there. So there's a lot going on. Yeah, yeah. Sorry if I misspoke. You're like that lady on Triple J who does the news who i believe is blind and so she i believe this is how

it works she's she's hearing the headlines said to her in her headphones and then repeating them for on air and so every now and then you'll hear her stumble and it's easy to go this idiot can't do her job but then you go go, well, come on. Like she's, you know, she's blind. She's working in extenuating circumstances. Good for her. Instead of blaming her, you just go, come on. Who the fuck hired this person for this job that they are absolutely unsuited for?

That's who you really got to blame. I believe that's how she gets the headlines given to her. But then that doesn't make any sense. I feel like headlines given to her, which then that doesn't make any sense. I feel like I read that somewhere once, but that doesn't make any sense because if someone is saying the headlines to her through a pair of headphones and then she's then repeating it on air, why is there a middle person here? Like how bad must the person's voice be who's dictating this to her?

It's just someone who's like it's a thousand dead in and so when she stumbles over stuff that's wise because she's mentally also having to get over in her head going fucking hell this person just sounds like shit. These guys are fucking idiots. Yeah, why don't they... Yeah, that woman's like, I mean, I know I'm sort of not suited for this job, but the middleman is absolutely unsuited for their job as well. Why can't this radio station hire one person that's suited to their job? That's the ABC for you. Look, I'm sure I've gotten that...

I'm almost certain I've gotten that wrong, so I'm sure someone within about a minute of this going up will send us an email and go, it's Braille, you fucking idiot. She uses Braille. Of course she just uses Braille. It's like, this is going to end up like that blooper that time where the newsreader said,

and they climbed the top of the mountain, some huge mountain, despite the fact that they are gay. Whoops, I mean blind. Yeah, yeah. Speaking of people who are severely missing several functions of their facilities that make them less capable than other people. Their faculties. Andrew Wolfe.

They're faculties. They're faculties. Andrew Wolfe. Speaking of people that were unsuited, speaking of people that are unsuited to work at Triple J, but instead they actually didn't work at Triple J, that's us. Yeah. But, yeah, Andrew Wolfe, who you just heard on that episode, on top of his podcast that he's just launched,

he is doing a solo show if you are in Perth. You can go check him out on the 17th of september at the comedy lounge you can get tickets from comedylounge.com.au great friend of the show wolfie very funny stand up uh this is the hour that he was going to be doing in melbourne and uh look you know it's obviously it's a big shame that the comedy festival uh got shut down because of covid it's a big shame that the Comedy Festival got shut down because of COVID. It's a big shame that a lot of things got shut down because of COVID. But the one saving grace is that we were saved from a month of manic Wolfie action in and around the Hi-Fi Bar, just absolutely off his guts.

But you can go and see the show and recreate that experience at the bar afterwards if you want. Go check him out. Yeah, yeah. If you're in Perth, it feels weird, God, getting to plug a live show. Wow. But yeah, go and see Wolfie if you're in Perth, if you're in Parth. Look, comes with the highest recommendation.

He's one of the best comedians in Perth. Wow. Pretty good stuff. I don't say that about anyone. He's one of the better comedians gigging in the country right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, he's great. He's great.

And yeah, hey, ever since we recorded this episode, there's been even more movement on the stock exchange as well. So he's been hitting me up every day. I haven't even kept track. He sends me messages every day about what's happening, and I don't understand any of them. I'm like, cool, man. You just tell me when I'm broke or when I'm a millionaire.

Just let me know then because I don't – anything in between, I'm not that interested. Wow, that's a big call by you that since this episode was recorded, there's been movement on the stock exchange. So you mean that it hasn't been just completely frozen for five days? No, but I think reasonably dramatic. I think it's been very volatile. Yeah.

Yeah. So I think he's actually been moving and shaking some stuff. So I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, all right, whatever. I said, just get me that bar. Get me the bar. That's all I'm asking. He's like, okay, I'm on it. I'm on it.

Yeah, we didn't really get down to this. So at what point are you just waiting to get enough money to get the bar that's all i'm asking all right he's like okay i'm on it i'm on it yeah we didn't really get down to this so are you at what point are you just waiting to get enough money to get the bar is that your point that you'll just bail out on this endeavor you've got that magic number and then once you get that you're out oh no i'm i'm i'm literally guided by wolfie i'm like if you if this is the best we're going to get then we get out then and then that that can be like my chunk of of the bar that can be like you know if it's say if it's a 10 12 grand bar well you know like we were saying you know people people other people might want to get in on this on a sweet action um so you know i don't have to be the majority shareholder that could be um you know that that could be just my chunk or that could be, that could pay for X, Y, Z expenses or whatever.

But that would go towards it. That's earmarked for that. Right. But having said that, if I lose money on this deal, the bar owes me that. When the bar eventually gets up, the bar owes me that money as soon as it comes into existence. You're going into petty cash for the first few months of business. I need to drink for even freer for the first 12 months. Okay, yeah.

You should be able to manage that. That's the plan. Yeah. What else? Do we have anything in the old CBS mailbag this week? We have a certain segment. We have a certain segment, Tommy, that we have to bring up a theme tune for. So let's see what's happening in the CBS mailbag.

Here we go. Launch it. Get better. Get sadder, sadder, sadder, sadder. Let's get sadder. Right. So thank you once again, everyone, that contributes to the CBS physical mailbag

at P.O. Box 6063, Hawthorne West, Victoria 3122. We've got some nice little action happening this week. Thank you very much. Not a lot of people leaving their names, which is also fine. But someone sent in the first children's book to me for a little blanket to read from. So they've sent in Liverpool's number one fan. That's the name of it, a little children's book. I have read it to blanket so far, zero interest.

So at the moment, learning about offside is not her biggest thing. It's cats and dogs that she's sort of more into at the moment. So we'll talk about you know two people between the striker and the goal a little bit later in life i think okay so thank you very much for whoever did that um a great present was sent this week which was well you know how this how the whole po box came about tommy if you remember is because i was sending out a lot of merch and then having to put a return address and not wanting to put my physical home address but you sort of have to in case something gets sent back so i was putting it like next door sending out a lot of merch and then having to put a return address and not wanting to put my physical home address,

but you sort of have to in case something gets sent back. So I was putting it like next door neighbor's address or, you know, it's stupid ideas. So, or, or then I was like, you know, using,

using a bar or, you know, whatever as a return address. So anyway, so we've, we've got this PO box address now. So I got a parcel the other day that's this, a literal, a huge roll of stickers.

You can see that in the Zoom window there, Tommy. Massive roll of stickers. And what they are is the stickers literally say, from the Little Dum Dum Club, care of Carl Chandler, Spleen Bar, 41 Bourke Street, Melbourne, Victor. So thank you for sending the replacement address sticker

that I can now stick on envelopes. But you've sent this roll of sticker to P.O. Box 6063. Yeah. So a roll of stickers for your old fake return address got sent to your new current return address. Yes. Just ignoring the fact that we don't need that fake address anymore. Yeah.

Sent that to P.O. Box 6063. And also, even if we were to use this, you know, there's a fucking pandemic. We're in lockdown in Melbourne. Anything being sent to Spleen Bar at the moment is being immediately returned. It's just in the alleyway out the back with the shit and the ice cream. The mailbox is sealed up. Someone did do it over the last couple of months and it just went into transit for like two months.

It just bounced around post offices for like two months. So it would be – this is possibly the worst present so far that we've been sent in the in the mailbox so well who knows i mean hang on to it it might come into its own you know maybe years and years down the track if your life hits the skids everything fucks up from you and you're just living out the black back of spleen all of a sudden guess who's got a roll of stickers for their current home address so but if you know you never know what the future holds. If I'm going that badly, what am I sending out?

What can I afford to be posting? You know, like angry letters to the Green Guide, death threats to the Herald Sun mailbag, things of that nature. Death threats. I imagine. Death threats and I'm putting my own address on the back. Yeah, great. Great idea.

Yeah, look, appreciate the person trying to help there, but they haven't really thought it through too deeply. Bit of a swing in the business. Well, speaking of people that haven't thought things through, this is the last item in the CBS mailbag this week. Now, someone has, you know, people are sending us stuff in the mail that they think is, you know, a funny little idea. Now, here is an example of that.

Someone has ordered for us a couple of T-shirts. Now, the funny thing is that the type of t-shirt they've ordered for our mailbox, I'm aware of the little Dum Dum Club t-shirts. Now, what's extra good about that is that they've ordered it through our website. And what they haven't realised is I sought the mail. Like, they've forgotten the origin of this whole story, that I'm sending things out by hand.

I'm putting the stickers on the back of the envelope. So I've got the order. It says two T-shirts. I wear a little dum-dum club. To send to Gary Chook at P.O. Box 6063 Hawthorne West 3122. And I'm looking at that going, I'm not sending that off. And then it gives the name of the orderer and his email address. So I just sent an email back going, you know that I can see this, don't you?

And his reply, oh, fuck. What a fucking idiot. And also, so wait, hang on. He ordered two T-shirts to Gary Chook. So it's not even one for me and one for you. It's two T-shirts for a fictional character. For a character we haven't mentioned on the show for about four years or so. Yeah, exactly.

A character I did live on stage about six years ago. So, yeah. And then I've just gone, I can see this. And I'm like, oh, shit. I go, so do you still want these T-shirts? And he's like, no. Okay, great. Refund issued or are we just sitting on this?

Is this just a penalty fee for being such a fucking idiot? I went back and forth with him several times. I'm going, man, I've got to just send you something. We don't want the money. Just let us give you some merch. I've literally got heaps of merch in the baby's room. I'd quite like to get rid of it. Just let me send you something.

I don't know. Just send something out to someone else. I'll just whack it on someone else's order. All right. Well, maybe that can – we were plugging last week Capper's Cartoon Connection. We've got a, until the end of the month, send us a drawing of Nick Capper and we will be judging it as part of the CBS mailbag.

And we did mention there'd be some kind of prize for whoever wins. So maybe this guy can be the benefactor of whatever prize we say. We can just take that money, however much that ended up being, we can use that for a prize pack. Well, yeah, you know what we can do is you know how sometimes on TV shows they'll have the prize pack at the end of the show and they'll say,

oh, thanks to Cadbury's, we've got a beautiful assortment of roses chocolates. Well, thanks to Sean McManus, we have a beautiful assortment of two little Dum Dum Club t-shirts in the prize pack for Capper's Cartoon Connection. Thanks to your friends at Sean McManus, we have a beautiful assortment of two little Dum Dum Club t-shirts in the price pack for Kappa's Cartoon Connection. Yeah. Thanks to your friends at Sean McManus.

Yeah. I like it. Because the other thing is him, you know, him sending two t-shirts to us, when you go onto the website to order them, the picture of the t-shirts is a picture of us wearing them. So it's like, you're looking at a picture that proves that we don't fucking need these t-shirts. We've both already got one.

Look, I'm not arguing with the concept of the sting. Like, I don't mind it if all of a sudden we get our own merch in the mail and go, hey, happy Christmas, boys. Funny. But you did fuck up by ignoring the fact that we packed them by hand. So I'm just getting that and going, the jig's up. This is the opposite of the perfect crime. This is the dumb cunt crime.

It's strange to be enough of a fan to have heard about the P.O. Box, to want to spend your own money on just a prank to the two guys who do the podcast, but then not be enough of a fan to have remembered a detail like that like you i reckon you talk about sending out t-shirts on average once every second week and that's being uh that's that's being generous like that's being cautiously like you know reserved no i i don't think so but it gets mentioned very regularly that you're the one sending out the tea that we also, I think it's pretty apparent that this is a very small operation. Like, where did he think this was going to?

Yeah, yeah. But anyway, I appreciate it. Hey, it's part of the prize pack now. So, you know, thanks to our friends at Sean McManus. Yeah. Nice one. Okay, so that's the mailbag out of the way. Anything else?

We should talk very briefly about the Zoom show. Yep, live Zoom show. Tommy Laszlo's birthday show. Yep. That's on Saturday the... 29th of August at 8pm. Bunch of special guests. We've done two of these so far

and they've both been heaps of fun. I think everyone who's tuned in has really enjoyed them. So yeah, if you haven't checked one of them out yet, then definitely get into that, especially if you are in Melbourne. There is nothing else to do at the moment. We are starting it right as the curfew

comes into effect for that night. So police will be out in force that night. We have paid off our friends in the police department to do an extra thorough search of the streets that night and just do some roadblocks and some checks and say, where are you going? And more importantly, why aren't you inside watching

the little dum-dum club live over Zoom? That's it. We'll each be frolicking outside until 7.59 and then I'll be like just prancing straight in the doors, screaming to my wife, turn on Zoom, warm it up, get it ready. But just me making the most of every second I can outside and then running in hot straight onto the mic. So, yeah, it's going to be good. It's going to be good. Slightly different from previous Zoom episodes

where me and you were in the same room together. This is going to be us in two separate windows. So something slightly different? Yeah, yeah, that'll be different. But, hey, no less fun and uh yeah i'm sure we'll have have all sorts of great special guests once again um and uh yeah guys get in there get in the chat um wish me a happy birthday even though it's several days after my actual birthday but uh bit of a bit of a birthday bit of a birthday festival for me. It's the festival of me. It's my 34th birthday festival.

So, yeah, tickets for that, littledumbdumbclub.com. Yeah, that's going to be a great old time. Ten bucks. Only ten bucks. What a fucking bargain. Oh, and of course, not released anywhere else. As you will probably know, if you're a regular listener and watcher of those shows, we haven't been putting them out on the regular feed they uh they happen live on the

night and then that's it so if you want to see it you have to be tuned in at the time that we do it that's the deal yep yep they've been pretty loose and pretty fun so um yeah it really does replicate a live show except you can't hang around till wed Wednesday and then listen to it. So get into it. Okay, so let's crack into the next segment of Talking Dumb Dumb, and that is, of course, to salute all the heroes out there that subscribe to patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub that keep us on the air, that keep us in fancy shoes, that keep us well-fed, keep a roof over our heads.

Thank you very much to everyone. They get their bonus episodes, a lot of bonus episodes at the moment, but of course, maybe most importantly, they get their chance of being immortalised forever on these airwaves and being saluted by the pair of us. And just a lot of respect coming from us over their names. So let's crank open the UTA, the unplanned title alternator once again, this week is all fired up.

I'll hit the big red button, more red than, than usual. Actually, it's absolutely ready to go. So, um, give that a big press and,

uh, thank you very much. The first cap off the rank patron subscriber. Uh, now this, this person is, has not given their last name, but I usually don't like to reward people that haven't given their last name usually.

I'll hit the pass button, but it's worth to mention what their email address is. Okay. Oh, wow. I'll thank them anyway. This is new. So we're just shouting out an email address, not an actual name. Well, their first name and their them anyway. This is new. So we're just shouting out an email address, not an actual name.

Well, their first name and their email address. Okay. Right. So thank you very much to Josh or his email address, beachballfanatic at blahblahblah.com. Beachballfanatic. Yeah, that's his email address. Let me ask you this.

What do you think about that? I can understand what you've done, you know, the privacy reasons. You don't want to, you know, you're not going to give out the domain that the email address is attached to. The Beachball Fanatic has aligned himself to. However, if you had to guess just any, not this person in particular, but just any person in particular, if you had to guess just any, not this person in particular, but just any person in particular, if you had to guess what domain, if you heard just like a start of an email address and

you then had to guess where it was, what would your guess be? Well, look, I'll let you go because I'm a little bit influenced because I've seen it. I think gmail.com. I think Gmail has become such a standard for people that any time I see something, my point being, any time I see something where it's like such and such at redacted, in my head I go,

it's kind of pointless you leaving that out because anyone who does want to troll someone, you can just try that name at gmail.com and I reckon you've got an 8 to 9 out of 10 chance of being correct. Well, look, just to spoil it, just because you've remarked on it, you know what? What the hell? I'll give it away. It's beachballfanaticatgov.au.

So it's, you know, there's someone at beachballfanaticatthegov.au. Right, right. Yeah, sorry to give out the full address, but I feel like it's better than to annoy whoever's got that name at Gmail. That would be – Yeah, it's obviously a minister in there or something like that. It's a shame that more official businesses don't let you just come in and have carte blanche with your email address. Like any proper organisation, it's always got to be like initial dot surname at whatever.

They just really should let them – if you get like a government job, they should just let you have whatever you want. Like they really should treat it like hotmail. Look, I'm about to start work tomorrow at the ABC on a show and I've been assigned my email address already and they never asked me if I wanted upthebummatabc.net.au or anything like that, which I think is unfair. They just go ahead and presume I want kchandleratabc or whatever it is. So, yeah.

Yeah, look, I would have liked to have been, you know, asked. I'd like the chance to have a say. Yeah, it's a bit of a shame. I've been given email addresses at television stations for jobs that I've worked on for like a week, and the process has taken half a day of someone coming in to the desk that I'm at and just taking weight, like an IT person who doesn't seem to know how to do it, taking fucking forever to set up this email address

that I then will not use because I'm always like, it's just easier for me to just get it into my personal email. And it's like all this effort for like then, yeah, four days later. All right, see you later, everyone. That email address is just gone forever now. T.Dassolo at 7.com.au. See you, boys. Well, I've just had to go through a whole process,

the ABC of like, you know know health and safety sort of stuff where it's all like you know if you see someone getting bullied should you a say stop that b join in or c kill yourself and it's like uh uh stop it's like oh well cool that'll help in my own house i I'm working from home. No one's going to the ABC. So, yeah, just a lot of safety tips for what to do around my workmates that don't exist in my house. Yeah. Well, I mean, I guess you could transfer that onto your wife and child. That's probably good advice, you know, a little refresher.

I guess they're kind of… So if I see my daughter bullying my wife, I should step in is what you're saying. You should kill yourself. That's transferable morals. Okay. All right. Well, okay. Yeah, I can do that.

All right. That would be a great police report. You know, someone killed themselves in Hawthorne. Why? That would be a great police report. You know, someone killed themselves in Hawthorne. Why? Because their 18-month-old baby bullied its mum,

and so the father just killed himself. Yeah. Why did he do that? I read something about it on the ABC. Okay, we're on. Okay. Yeah, well, I mean, he realised he had such a tenuous link. If he can't even stop a baby from bullying its mother what chance does he have of authority over it as it gets later on in life if if a baby is going to be able to take

control of the house from him then yeah what other choice do you have yeah get out get out at your best point this is probably the best i'm gonna i get it. Exactly. It's only going to get – the bully's only going to get meaner from here on in. Exactly. But thanks, Beachball Fanatic. Thanks, Beachball Fanatic. Joshy, I'd like to know why you're such a Beachball Fanatic. I don't know. You know what?

When I've been having a little bit of computer problems and just after I'd gotten the gotten that information up I actually got the old beach ball

from Apple and I was like fuck beach ball fanatic is literally going to kill my computer here but

do you think because I was taking it a bit more literally like it was a you know an actual physical beach ball but is there a chance that that's what it refers to that he's I was taking it a bit more literally like it was an actual physical beach ball.

But is there a chance that that's what it refers to? That he's, I just love it when my computer fucks up. Gives me a bit of time to have a soft reset, look outside the window for a moment, let it do its thing. It's nice. It's calming. Yeah. Yeah. I wonder if Josh is just appreciating, like respecting the computer's time going, going you know we all need to chill out at some point we all need to sort of

it feels like it's the computer's sort of stroke on its chin going yeah I'm just having to think about that one actually and it's like respect you know good for you don't rush into anything nothing's actually wrong that's the computer saying to you hey man just take some time to go smell the roses

I'm just here doing my thing I'm loading some stuff in the background. Just, you know, go for a walk around the block. I'll be ready to go once you come back. You know, what's the harm? It doesn't matter. Yeah. What do you think about beach balls?

Have you ever used one? Yeah, I'm sure I have. Yeah, I've used a beach ball in my time. Not, you know, my own one. Yeah. Remember the guy in Koh Samui? There's just a guy that go up and down the beach that would literally have, like, I would guess upwards of 25 to 30 inflatable beings on his head or back,

and he just walks up and down the beach all day trying to sell different, pink pink flamingos and you know oh yeah yeah yeah beach balls and stuff like that yeah just looks just looks like he's got a whole shop on his back and it's like i know it's not the heaviest thing of all time but it still looks insane that there's a pile of anything that is probably 20 foot high yeah it's on top someone's head. It doesn't look, yeah, obviously not heavy, but very cumbersome. You would think it would be very annoying to walk around with. Yeah, yeah, totally. But thanks. I mean, that might be Josh.

That actually might be Josh. Maybe it is. He's a beach ball fanatic. Yeah. He may have been walking past a live podcast in Koh Samui one of those years, He may have been walking past a live podcast in Koh Samui one of those years, listened to it in tiny little shards and got home from work and gone, I might listen to the whole episode.

Those two and a half minutes I heard tonight were not too bad. Yeah, yeah. And he's now going, fuck, why didn't I take the night off in Koh Samui any of those three years? Now he's just going, fuck, I wish I would have just jumped the fence. You get into a band, like you hear one of their songs in a movie or on a playlist or whatever it is, and then you go, oh, these guys are great. And you do a bit of a Google and you find out, like,

they were just in the country like a month ago, like right before you got into them. You're like, ah, fuck. It's going to be ages before they're here now. Yeah. Sorry, Joshy. Sorry, Josh. Hopefully we'll see you back in Samui one day.

Thanks, Josh. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Richard Thomas. Dickie Tom Tom. Here he is. That's it. Tommy Dick. Dickie Tom. Mm-hmm.

It's sort of two dicks in one full name. I mean, you're John Thomas. I think we can get away with saying you're Thomas, maybe. It's a very phallic name. Yeah.

Yeah. Two first names we've discussed plenty of times do you go um not into it do you go what about this have we talked about this so i was just thinking richard okay do you go dick or do you go rich i'd go rich i mean rich i don't mind that as an abbreviation at all that's one of the abbreviations yeah uh yeah the problem The problem with that is, the problem with Richard as a name is that people are just going to decide to call you Dick if they want to. It's really, it's kind of outside of your control. Well, what about Rick?

Oh, yeah. Can you? Yeah. You can go with Rick. Yeah. Yeah, you can. That's where it comes from, isn't it? Yeah. Can you – yeah. You can go with Rick. Yeah, you can. That's where it comes from, isn't it? Yeah.

Yeah. Everything is. Well, what about this? Can you abbreviate your last name? Can you go with Rich Tom? I think we talked about this quite recently, didn't we? But this is a weird – We probably did.

We've talked about everything with names. Yeah. We probably have. I have no memory of it, but sure. This is a – this is a very to have a yeah a long name as the surname that is a first name that does have a lot of contractions i yeah i i love the idea of this guy just calling himself dick tommy would be fucking great full respect yeah dick tommy dick tommy yeah dick tommy i wonder if he's I wonder if you haven't copped that before, Richard Thomas. You should push pretty hard.

I know it's hard to say, hey, everyone, this is my new nickname. Call me this. Just somehow subliminally slip it to a friend, make them think like they've come up with the idea. Even say, just put this podcast on in the background to someone and be like, oh, I think, oh, what? Dick Tommy. Oh, that's weird. And then let them think they've heard it first before you and go, ah, we've got this on you.

Let's call you this from now on. So push that. You'll be the coolest kid in town. I would. I mean, I would have full respect for anyone who goes, you know, my name's Richard, and if they, presumably from a young age, if they had just fully leaned in and gone, you know what? I'm getting in front of this thing.

I'm going by dick. It's going to happen whether or not I want it to. People are just going to call me this till like six. Yeah, great. Dad, call me dick. That's funny. That's so good as a six-year-old coming home from grade two and going yeah you know what mom dad call me dick but don't you think wouldn't you have a if you heard about a kid doing that that's just like look this is gonna plague me

for my whole life unless i that's probably what's going on you know it is weird that there's like an older generation of men who all comfortably call themselves Dick, if they had that name. I've always found that weird. But maybe that's what it was. It was just like, I'll be damned if I'm letting someone else say this about me. I'm getting in front of the story. Yeah. I've known very few Richards,

and I've definitely never known them well enough to even bring up the idea of being called dick. So, yeah, I wish I had more experience. But you know what this also makes me think of with the abbreviation Rich? Someone reminded me of this the other day. I completely forgot about this. I haven't thought about this for years. But, you know, linking into what we were saying before as well,

Koh Samui International Podcast Festival of years gone by the first time we went remember Tommy we didn't really back ourselves and we were sort of you know sponsored a lot of listeners sort of chipped in this impossible idea made it happen including our primary sponsor for that

Rich Young remember the first podcast was sponsored was called the what the rich young's the rich young and his stupid fucking youtube channel presents the curse of movie international podcast festival or whatever it was yeah he sent us a yeah quite large sum of money bizarrely enough yes and i don't think we've heard from him since then. I don't think he even listens. Well, we certainly haven't heard from him again. No, I remember he wanted us to shout him out and plug his YouTube channel and we did that.

And then I think he was angry. He didn't think we'd done it properly. And wasn't there some weird thing where he was angry at us and we kept talking about it? And then he was like, you've got to do it again. And we're like, what do you mean? We've plugged the URL. We've mentioned what's on there.

Like we've talked about it. That's all you asked us to do. And then I don't think we ever heard from him again. I think it was a bit like, you know, to start with, it was a bit like, oh, great. We've got this money from this person out of nowhere. What a weird thing to have that someone has chucked in this much money for this weird idea of this weird podcast festival in Thailand. Great.

But then we got the flip side of it where we had to deal with someone who's weird enough to throw a lot of money at a weird idea like a podcast festival in Thailand. I think once we got the money, he got a bit weirded up. And all of a sudden, once someone pays you a lot of money, they think they sort of have got something over you. And I think that's the angle it started going in. And we were like, I don't know about this.

I don't think we should have taken the money off this guy. Yeah. So, yeah, I think we never heard much from him after about – maybe we heard from him coming into the second podcast festival and I think he offered money again maybe and we said respectfully, maybe something like that. I think he started talking to us and I think our experience from the first one was like, no, we'll be okay.

We'll be all right. Thank you very much. But I mean, Rich, appreciate it. What a great experience and what a great little thread that was but I don't think we ever heard from him again. So maybe he's – what a weird thing if you chucked in a bunch of money to a podcast and then you just stopped listening to it like not very long after. That's a weird relationship.

If you're pissed off at them for not advertising your shit-ass YouTube channel properly, that probably makes sense. Well, I think maybe part of the broken relationship was him going, yeah, yeah, advertising my shit-ass YouTube channel properly. That probably makes sense. Well, I think maybe part of the broken relationship was him going, yeah, yeah, advertise my shit-ass YouTube channel. And, you know, really give it to her. And then I think we did. And then it was one of those ones where he was like, oh, oh. Oh, now you've just said it's really shit-ass.

It's like, yeah, but that's what you wanted, wasn't it? Yeah, right, right, right. I think it was a bit like that. I think it was like, you know, oh, you know, insult me. Okay, well, you're a fucking idiot. Oh, that hurt my feelings. Yeah, well. We didn't think that one through.

I'm sure we'll find out after this whether or not he still listens by, you know, through like a fucking dead possum being on our front porch with a note tied to its neck that says, I still listen, you cunts, Rich Young. Yeah. Something of that nature. I don't think it'll be like an email or a tweet or anything like that. Well, he might want to sponsor the Tommy Daslow's 34th birthday Zoom show.

Oh, yeah. We might hear from him. He might want the naming rights to that yeah um thanks thanks dicky dick tommy thanks dicky tom tom um thank you very much to patreon subscriber matty ray matty ray hmm yeah yeah never loved never loved matty. Never been into it. It's too – it's just one of those things that reminds me too much of the sort of person from high school that I'd rather forget. You know what I mean? Yeah.

I was going to say it's got very Rad Dad vibes to it, very backwards baseball hat. Some shark tooth necklace sort of action. I'm not in love with it i'll tell you what by having maddie at the start it's it's undone all the good work of having a last name ray because i mean ray is a last name that's you know you can you can go anywhere with that it's pretty cool yeah it's great it's really great yeah and then but then what's this so presumably he's matthew matth. See, that's the thing.

Like I know a lot of people, myself included, if you've got, yeah, if you've got one of those, um, like a longer name that like contracts into something short and snappy, you want to go with that. But I think if you've got a cool punchy surname, like Ray, bringing it up the rare, you can stretch out with that first name. Like if my last name was Ray, Thomas Ray, I'd be, I'd stretch out with that first name like if my last name was ray thomas ray i'd be i'd be sticking with that i wouldn't feel the need to be like you know hipping it up in the front part of the name i'd be happy to stretch all the way out it feels like he's trying to cool up his name

it's maddie maddie ray man you got ray already it's it's it's pretty good it's pretty decent up the back end this is a bit greedy you can just play it yeah yeah just play it straight dude just just relax have some confidence um but yeah ray that's the last name cooler than ray is the first name i'd have to say um hmm i don't mind it i don't mind no right i don't mind raymond i don't think yeah well having having said that yeah maybe this maybe this is actually cool. Maybe this is what we're talking about. Maybe his last name is Raymond and he's gone with this. He's gone with the abbreviation of the last name.

Yeah. It's Matthew Raymond. Matthew Raymond. I'm absolutely calling Matthew Raymond up. I'm going with Matty Ray. Matty Ray. Yeah, maybe. But that's, I mean, that's a bizarre decision if that's what he's done.

He's fucked it. Because Matthew Raymond somehow sounds hipper and cooler than Matty Ray. I don't know what to make of this one. This is a real fucking head-scratcher. This is really stumped us. I'd almost like to knock it back. I'd almost like to say to this guy, look, go back. You know, we dabbled with it, but I think you need to work on this.

You need to give it another pass. You need to have a bit more of a think. Well, I mean, that's the beauty of having a patreon that's doing you know this well is that not that patreon gives us this option but you know we're doing fine we could we could happily at least one name a week or month or whatever it is just click the button go you know what you keep your money you keep your 10 bucks for the month i'd rather have 10 bucks less in the bank account than have it from seeing it come through from a name like Matty Ray. Thank you very much.

Oh, look, look, let's not go as far to say we're going to refund this bloke's money. All right? Let's not go that far. No, no, no. I'm not saying we are. I'm saying that's the benefit of having a Patreon that's doing well is that if we so decide, if that was a policy that we wanted to bring in, we could weather it. And that's comforting.

That's comforting to know that if we ever feel like, you know what, we don't have to fucking put up with seeing shit like this in the inbox every month, every week. I just think if you go through the family tree and you happen to have been bestowed upon the surname Ray. I kind of think, sorry, but the rule is throughout all generations, all the family tree, every child is named Sugar forever. Sorry, that's the only name that goes with the surname Ray.

So everyone is Sugar Junior, Sugar the Third, Sugar the Fourth. It's a boy's, it's a girl's name. Everyone gets that name. Sorry. I dare say someone who's calling themselves Maddie, I reckon he has made this joke about himself plenty. I reckon there's been a period of his life where he's gone by Maddie Sugar Ray. Oh, yeah, yeah.

He's given himself a little nickname. Maybe even S-U-G-A. S-U-G-A, yeah. Well, he'd be crazy not to. Yeah, sure. He'd be crazy not to. Yeah. Yeah.

Sugar Ray is cool. It is a cool name. Great band. Well, what a letdown to have so many great boxers be called that. And then that band's absolutely besmirched the memory yeah of um of messes robinson and co um but look so you know like i said rad dad probably fucking loves that loves sugar ray he'd love yeah yeah that's right in his wheelhouse yeah absolutely um well look i'd love to hear back from you maddie right i'd love to know if if all or any of what

we've said has uh rung true at all and what you're thinking about going forwards yeah yeah i can i can picture like him being one of those people that has the like the fake um like like the joke middle name as his face in on facebook i can see i can i can see getting a message during the week from an account, Matty Sugar Ray, for sure. Right, right. Well, of course, what's the number one fake funny name on Facebook? Having Danger as the middle name. Ding, ding, ding.

Correct. Tommy Daslow, five points. Correct. That is a very, very funny little gag. It's really good. It's really good. It is good. It is very good.

If you get an email from Maddie Dangeray at Hotmail this week. Yeah, that's really good. I'd love that. I'd actually be very, very into that. Great. Great. Thanks, Maddie. Thanks. Thanks, Matty. Thanks.

Thanks, Matty. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Sam Thompson. Hmm. God. A lot of hard work this week with some of these. Yeah. Well, look, you know, I mean, it's our job. Sometimes they don't, you know, not everyone's called Fuckhead McGee.

So sometimes we need to sort of, you know, crack the neck, stretch our back and do a hard day's work. But yes, look, we've been given a few garden variety names this week. But Sam Thompson, look, very line and length, solid name. If I woke up one day about 14 years into my life and sort of went, oh, fuck, mum, dad, I didn't actually ask. What's my name? And they said Sam Thompson. I'd be like, oh, I've lucked out.

That's a good 7 out of 10 name. Cheers. It's pretty dull. But it's solid. I mean, you know, if you get told that Sam Thompson is coming around to fix the pipes, great. Well, they're going to get fixed. If you've got a mate called Sam Thompson, he's not going to let you down.

It's like I just keep thinking, you know what, when I hear Sam Thompson, I see a very thick oak tree. Yeah, you're right. Just very sturdy, dependable. Dependable, and you're right. I mean, if I hear he's coming around to, yeah, you know right. I mean, dependable. Dependable, and you're right. I mean, if I hear he's coming around to fix some pipes, I think, great. If I think I'm hanging out with him, I don't want to be stuck with him alone. I don't picture a wild night.

I don't picture him holding court. I don't picture a super fun guy. So I'm probably like, I'm not unhappy that he's in the equation but i want two to three other people around because i don't reckon he's bringing much to the table if we're at the pub if we're hanging out i'm not i'm not feeling great about his presence you know what i'd feel a lot better if sam thompson had taken my thousands of dollars and invested them in shares than the fact that someone called andrew wolf did yeah i'm feeling a lot lot better right now what about like a social situation around a social situation where you're hanging out with uh sam thompson

and maddie ray on the same table now that, those two kind of cancel each other out. They're like the yin and the yang of male names. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're the original odd couple. Neither of them have dressed properly for the party. One's turned up in thongs, Bermuda shorts and no top, and the other one's suited up. One's wearing a suit. Yeah. And the other one's suited up and it's like.

One's wearing a suit. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, dude, it's just like a drink session, you know, but like, you know, it's in, it's directly in the middle of what you two fucking idiots have done here. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I guess you're right. I think, I think. It's dependable.

It's dependable to me. Yeah. Your name, Tommy Daslow, for whatever reason you've come up with that name, you've changed your name to get into comedy. You know what? If I was thinking about getting into the vice presidency of something, I'd be tempted to change my name to Sam Thompson. You're right.

Yeah, it does have – it's real – yeah, you can see a character in the movie about the presidency with that name. That would be funny if someone made a movie about someone running for president and it's very accurate. Anyone who's worked in that field can watch it and go, wow, they've really nailed all these details, except for the fact that the character just has this completely outrageous name that would never be in the conversation

about being president. It literally is someone called Maddie ray and just everyone's like oh man this is yeah just everything about it is like so spot on like why did they give this guy such a fucking on tilt name this makes no sense yeah yeah yeah whereas if i you know if i'd have been born with the name sam thompson i would you know i i think I'd be pretty confident walking into a conversation with a girl going, hey, my name's Sam Thompson. And I just think girls would be immediately like, well, this guy, this guy's a very strong, dependable guy.

Yep. He's safe. He's going to keep me safe. Yeah, exactly. He's a provider. He's not really going to be hitting the back walls. There's not going to be too many nights of unbridled passion where your toes are absolutely curling.

But, you know, what are you after? Are you after a long-term prospect or are you after a bit of fun? If you're after a bit of fun for the weekend, you go with Matty Ray. If you're after a dependable life partner, you go with Sam Thompson. I think you're talking down Sam Thompson. I can feel him hitting the back walls. He's hitting my back walls. I think he's got it in him.

I'm seeing Sam Thompson as like he could easily push 6'7". I feel like he's a big guy. Yeah. And the gals love a tall guy like yeah yeah he could be i'm even seeing um him as a bit of a uh what's that vet's name on tv dr dr chris or whatever i'm seeing him as a chris brown yeah yeah i'm seeing him as a sort of that character. I'm not saying he's not good looking. I'm just saying that when you get him in the sack, I reckon it'd be pretty pedestrian stuff.

Not that that – and again, not saying that that's a bad thing, but, you know, some people, they're not after long term. They're after just having their – they're just after a filthy – they're just after a fucking carnal, filthy weekend. And I don't reckon if that's what you're after, I don't reckon you're getting that from Sam Thompson. I quite like that phrase in terms of like describing sex. I'm pretty pedestrian in bed.

So he's not driving a car in bed. He's walking, he's using the footpath in bed. He's just having a saunter along in bed. He's not. Yeah, that's what I mean. Absolutely. Just right. That's what I mean. I'm picturing a guy who, I'm picturing a saunter along in bed. He's not. Yeah, that's what I mean. Absolutely. Just right. That's what I mean.

I'm picturing a guy who, I'm picturing a guy who, I'm picturing a guy who'll fuck you on a zebra crossing. That's what I mean when I say that. Right. Right. He'll, he's,

he's pushing your clitoris like he's pushing the traffic light. Just wait until it goes. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. You'll be the, you'll be the little red man when you're done. And if you're not looking carefully, you might get T-boned.

Yeah. Real good stuff. Well, thanks. Yeah. Thanks, Sam Thompson. I think I'm in love. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Right. We've just got time for one more we are we're currently recording this just before curfew i've just i've got to finish this get changed go out have a run this is my last chance to go outside for the for the day in the current restrictions where we are in melbourne australia um so let's just keep it to one more this week. Yep, sure thing. Okay. If that's cool with you, Tommy? Yep. Yep. Okay.

All right. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. Last one for this week. Oh, okay. Oh, this is sort of, I guess, unusual or weird or something. Well, anyway, look, I shouldn't just talk about it. I should just say it, I guess. Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll just blurt it out as they say. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Danger Comedy. Danger Comedy. Yeah, I think they've messed around that saying, you know, danger is my first name. I think they've sort of confused the saying. Oh, I thought you were going to say, you know, doing comedy my first name. I think they've sort of confused the saying. Oh, I thought you were going to say, you know,

doing comedy is pretty dangerous in this day and age. What with the bloody PC brigade out there looking to bloody cancel everyone. Can't bloody, pretty dangerous, can't bloody joke about anything without offending some bloody left-wing vegan, can you? Yeah. about anything without offending some bloody left-wing vegan, can you? Yeah, you can't even put a picture of a big pork chop on Instagram anymore without people bashing your door down. Yeah, it's gotten to where you can't even joke about someone getting fucked on a zebra crossing anymore.

The bloody libtards have taken everything from us. You can't even say no to someone and then they just force themselves sexually on you anymore without without someone getting upset about it um it's that's all very very good stuff it's my favorite sort of comedian someone that complains about what you can't say anymore whilst you're saying it. My very, very favourite sort of comedy. Yeah. But no, I think this person, like I said, is going off the favourite Facebook middle naming, but he's just cut out the middle man.

So you think this might be a, this is like a fake Facebook name. This is just a funny name that someone's cooked up and it's probably, the real name's probably like. No, not even a, not a funny name, just like, you know, someone's parents at some stage have just misconstrued that saying. Danger is my middle name. It's just gone, Danger is my first name.

And they've gone, okay. Yeah, right. Sure. So I think this person's just continually correcting people throughout their entire life this concept of this is a name got made famous

through that saying well that means everyone knows it so that means it'd make a great first name why are people saying it's my middle name

why don't make it your first well maybe they're doing that other famous saying when they say hey

comedy is my surname. Yeah, there we go. Yeah, yeah. Good stuff. Well, thanks, Danger. And thanks to everyone who supports the Little Dumb Dumb Club on Patreon. You can hit up patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub and get two bonus episodes every week at the moment.

And, yeah, a bunch of other stuff. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Get a ticket to the live Zoom show. We also have some masks left, a scant couple of masks, face masks left with the burger logo on them, T-shirts, hoodies, all that sort of stuff. We do have a very small handful. Just let us know if you're keen on any of that stuff.

We do have some other merch, so us know if you're keen on any of that stuff go to the we do have some um some other merch so email us if you're after hats and stubby holders that aren't on our website right this second but um have a have a bit of a look um uh give us an email if it's not there at the moment yeah please check all of that stuff out thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time see See you, mate. See you, mate.