The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 517 - Andy Lee & Gen Fricker

Episode Date: August 26, 2020

This week, GEN FRICKER joins us from beautiful, freedom-loving Sydney, and ANDY LEE joins us from a Taliban bunker. We get some positive vibes from Gen to get us through lockdown and boy do we need them, because Karl's had a terrible mishap while getting one of his favourite muffins. Meanwhile, Andy's hatched a plan to safely get his mobile phone down to the street from a 9th-floor balcony, and we're granted a thorough examination of Tommy's penis! Yummy! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Andy Lee and Jen Fricker. If you are listening to this hot off the presses, you can hear us this Saturday and see us live on Zoom, August the 29th at 8pm Australian Eastern Standard Time. Get a ticket, it's going to be us celebrating my glorious 34th birthday. Oh, the great silver, not silver anniversary, but so what would that be? The Velcro anniversary, something like that. Velcro anniversary.

So if you want to get me a cool little surf wallet that I can pop on a chain and carry around, that'd be great. That's the gift that I have at the top of my Amazon wish list. Yeah, really looking forward to that. The last two Zoom live shows we've done have been heaps of fun. littledumbdumbclub.com is where you can get a ticket to that. We'll talk to you about more stuff at the end of the episode in Talking Dumb Dumb.

But until then, enjoy this great new one with Andy Lee and Jen Pricker. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. And with me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day to you, Kurt. We've got two very special guests today. Please welcome back into the program jen fricker and

andy lee thanks very much that's genuine applause everyone as well that's not a sound effect that tommy's just fired off that was genuine that's that's that's genuine claps from me just happy to talk to someone who isn't my wife or an 18-month-old who isn't spewing on me. Just absolutely wrapped. Yep, yep. Andy, can I ask, because I can see you on the Zoom, where are you? Are you in a Taliban basement or something? What is going on?

You're in a dark closet. I don't know. Are you okay? They've got similar lockdown restrictions. We're allowed an hour of Zoom a day, which is nice. I've chosen you guys, which is really good. No, I'm in like a cinema, home cinema situation. I was going to say, because, Andy, you look like you're in the gold class at Ahoyt's.

It looks like you're about to be handed a chalk top. Well, I got read the right act about the quality of audio required for the little dum-dum podcast. And the only room I've got with carpeted walls in the house, obviously. I did request Dolby surround sound, so I appreciate you going. So I've come down to the carpeted room, which, yes, I do a lot of my, yeah, terrorist negotiation tactics on and torture stuff down here as well, Jen.

Trying to get the answers out of people, but, yeah. If we could get you to hold up a newspaper with today's date on it just so that we do know that you're okay. For the majority of this podcast recording, that would be great this isn't a pre-recorded zoom chat i have to say um you know we're all we're all aware of the restrictions we're under in melbourne at the moment i don't i never like to get too topical all this sort of stuff but but at at the moment at the moment um i'm in like a big apartment block and so i go and every morning i go and do my little bit of exercise with my child with my little daughter and we go out through the basement and as i push her out um like

the car door um in the pram there's another there's a mother that's sort of nearby us that's like obviously gone um like set up this little bike track in the basement, in the car park. And she's very clearly not allowing her child out into real life until this is all blown over. So the whole setup, like the kid just gets to ride around the BMX. That's the like play time for the kid to go around in the car park. So every day I'll push my child out and they'll give me the stink eye like, oh, you're one of those outside types, are you? Oh, yeah, have fun out there.

Oh, right. Yeah, right. So this person has turned a large communal area in the building into their own private track. Into a creche. Into a baby prison. Right, right. Yeah, I don't mind that.

I might start doing that in my apartment building, just claiming that the big car park, like, yeah, this is mine. This is all part of my apartment. This is my running track. I quite like it that she's sort of gone the moral high ground by sort of going, oh, are you taking your child out into the diseased wasteland of outside? No, I'm going to be letting my child play

just behind where cars back out of. That's the safe route. Yeah, I'm going to be letting my child play just behind where cars back out of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, just my kid. I don't want him to get corona, but I'm happy for it to just be sucking down fumes all day. As it gets two wheels crunching over its head.

You get corolla virus where you get run over by a... That was great. Very, very good. There we go. There we go. I mean, there are going to be a lot of young kids with like these bizarre memories when they get older of like,

I've got this strange memory of like this few month period when I was like two years old of dad just throwing me a tennis ball in the lounge room and getting me to run and fetch him. I remember just being nice and not playing up ever, but me being absolutely banished to my room all the time. I did all my homework. I ate all the veggies and I was grounded for fucking eight months. What happened?

I'm like in Sydney, right? So there's no lockdown here temporarily. I've got to ask you, Jen. Who knows? Yeah, but I'm in an apartment block as well. Shut up, Jen. And that's the end of my story. No, I'm in like a big apartment block.

And so it's quite, there's three main buildings. It's quite divided by like age demographics. So there's like the boomer building. So all like the retirees in one. There's like my building, the cool building. And then there's like the boomer building so all like the retirees in one there's like my building the cool building um and then there's like the family's building and um hang on are they all in the same management because like how are they so perfectly structured as the cool boomer and you know yeah i don't know i really don't but it's just worked out that way. Do you live at Melrose Place? I do, yes.

Yeah. No, this sounds like a reality show. Do you have to do challenges against each other and vote someone from a block out each week? Well, it's like whenever someone gets like a whiff of weed like coming through the building here, like no one knocks on anyone. But then like the family building,

there's all these kids that play in the communal car park and the Boomer building have started complaining about it And then, like, the family building, there's all these kids that play in the communal car park, and the boomer building have started complaining about it and sending letters to everyone being like, the children are too loud. Classic. And I just love the idea that, like, the sound of children's laughter upsets them so much. Like, it's just like...

The boomers are knocking on the marijuana smoke. Oh, man. What happened? What happened, guys? You guys were Woodstock. What happened to you? Drilling down to this Sydney, you know, go out and do what you want outside, you know, enjoy fresh air and freedom kind of thing.

How do you feel towards us Victorians? Are you feeling sorry or is there a bit of suck it? Like, a friend of mine just recently went, gee, I hope New South Wales gets this. And I was like, wow, okay. That is funny. That's what you're up to. Yeah, exactly.

But I think there is this mixed feeling of like first time around we're all in it together. Everyone was playing that Ben Lee song, every single, you know, Sunrise Today show, whatever morning show you had, you had that playing. Everyone was excited. Now it just feels like, you know, us in Victoria are the annoying kids that keep getting in trouble and now we prefer to ignore that. Is that the vibe that you guys are giving or are we just putting

that on ourselves? Look, there are elements of truth to that. I mean, I have friends and, first of all, I know some great Victorians, you know. Some of you are really, you're not all bad. Name three. Thank you. Name three of them.

Name three. Oh, the names are hard to pronounce. But, um. Very foreign down here. Italian surname, yeah, sure. Laneway Mick Streetetson. But anyway. I'll tell you what, I'm glad there wasn't betting odds just before all this went down

on who would be absolutely consumed by this virus out of all the states because I would have lost so much money on WA and Queensland. Yes, we all fought Queensland, right? We're like, those are the two dumb fuck states, right? Apologies to all of our listeners in Queensland and WA, but come on, you know, you know, no one would have had Victoria, surely. Yeah, this is like we're in the third act of a Disney movie

where it's like you can't judge a book by its cover. They actually ended up being the most sensible ones and the stuck-up Victorians and now having to pay the price for all their years of judging. You know what? You're right. You're right, Tommy. You know what's happened is Queensland and WA have taken off their glasses and shaken the ponytail out of their hair and now they're beautiful princesses.

And we're like, oh, we thought they were bookworm absolute pig dogs. Fuck. Pig dogs. I just love like, you know, because Sydney cops so much shit about, especially from like Melburnian people about like our lockdowns, like, you know, because we can't be trusted to go outside at night. But now you guys can't be trusted to go outside at all. Like it's so satisfying.

It's so satisfying. But obviously like thoughts and prayers and, you know. Yeah, the disclaimer doesn't work out. You just have to keep the boot in. I felt a bit bad when I saw that whole thing like early on of Victoria going back into lockdown. There was that big message of like people in other states,oria's doing it tough so send your love down there and it was just like i can't receive any of this because if it was reversed i would absolutely not be doing

that i'd be looking up at sydney going suck shit i'm going to the pub you fucking losers i really reckon it's probably gonna happen here too like really, because that's the other thing, like the eastern suburbs of Sydney are now a hotspot for coronavirus and the eastern suburbs, if you're not familiar with like the demographics of Sydney or whatever, are like very affluent. Like that's all like where the like cool, rich, like Bondi people are. And so the fact that they're fucking it up for everyone, I really feel like it's just going to happen. I feel like it's happening.

So are those messages coming from the other states as well? I don't want to hear them because it seems like it's like when your ex reaches out when she's gone on and done something really great, got a new awesome boyfriend, and it's like, hey, just checking in on you. You're like, yeah, cool. You can fuck right off. Yeah, this is so token. We're getting married and how are you? in on you, you're like, yeah, cool. You can fuck right off. Yeah. This is so token.

We're getting married and how are you? You have that mole on your back? That's how it feels. So please do us all a favour and just go back to being snarky and laughing at us. I think that's more appropriate. I'm getting more motivation out of that than any of the empathy. Yeah. I mean, Andy, I've got a new really muscly boyfriend are you still hanging out in your little

cinema talking to three other losers is that what you're doing yeah cool yeah andy andy is that your is that your family on the right no that's your dyson vacuum cleaner on the right-hand side of your Zoom screen. My little boss. Yeah. Yeah. This, just quickly, this, like, fresh, like, very small outbreak in New Zealand, sorry, New South Wales kicked off at a Thai restaurant, which I found very interesting to monitor. Have you looked at that, Carl, and had any thoughts of, like,

there but for the grace of God go I? Because if, in a different reality where we lived in Sydney, you would have gotten this thing for sure by now if that was the ground zero. I would still be going there now. I'd still be heading there right now knowing all of that. I'd be like give me the Penang. Pushing past the fucking hazmat suits and like getting the biohazard taper off the door. I'd be acting responsibly.

I'd be going in there saying give give me three chicken panangs to go instead of me going in three times over the three days. Particularly if it had a pun name, which most Thai restaurants do. Suit and tie, the Titanic, whatever it may be. The Titanic. You can't not go to those type of restaurants. Well, if you get COVID from going there,

I assume the name is tie a rope around your neck, you're done. I assume that's the name. Can I ask this? So let's segue out of the start of anything. The start of any of this sort of stuff these days is let's talk about how depressed we are locked inside, which is, Jen, you can't relate to this at all i don't remember being sad no yeah i know must be nice so um what about this do you think what what rule do you still do you go by with when you drop food now i always thought it was the three second rule and i've

heard a lot of times lately people refer to it as the five-second rule. Now, has that evolved over time? Have people got less caring about disease and about germs over time? Are we heading for a 10-second rule, or what do we go by at the moment? What's the consensus? To me, it depends on the location. If I'm at the MCG in the urinal at the halftime, it's obviously a one-second rule.

Yeah, and also, if you're there, you're dropping your own piss, so probably don't even pick it up, no matter how long it's been down there. While eating a pie. There's a lot to do when you've got to concentrate on the game. So yeah, location dependent. That's a very good point.

If at my parents' house, it's the five day rule. They run a very clean ship over there. So I'm not sure what the situation is depending on the location. That's a very valid reason. Are we talking like, are we talking a corona-free world?

Yes, we're talking normal world. We're out of corona world. Let's go back to the solid days. Yeah, I would have felt like that rule is just done for. I reckon post this, it's going to be the like, you know, one nanosecond rule. Like people are going to be so conscious of it. That's interesting.

But yeah. That's a good point too. Very good. Okay. Okay. Not to throw another variable in the equation, but it also definitely depends on the food. Right. Right.

You know. Absolutely. If I'm having a Magnum White and it's a little bit of the chocolate that's come off, I'm going to head down for that far more rapidly and with more grace of time than, say, a leaf off the salad that my girlfriends made me in COVID times. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, a bit of salad fell on my lap.

Well, that's done. I've got a germy lap. I can't eat that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, a bit of salad fell on my lap. Well, that's done. I've got a germy lap. I can't eat that. Yeah. So, yeah, there's a few. I mean, it's complex. We probably need a university professor to work out exactly the algorithm for how much time per food per location.

I'm enjoying it the way your brain's thinking there, Andy. Sorry, Jen. I mean, kind of related, kind of not. I ate an orange in the shower the other day. It was amazing. The cleanest way to eat an orange. Okay. Hang on.

Isn't that the sort of thing that we should be doing in Melbourne? You can go and eat an orange in the park. That's what we should be doing here. That's the sort of insane thinking. The way we should be responsible for. How pressed for time are you? What was the scenario? An orange is like a perfect on-the-go fruit.

I went to the shop. I chose out the juiciest organic orange. I took it back to my house. I told my housemate, you know, I'm busy for 30 minutes. I went into the shower and I just. Oh, this was a plan. I planned. This was an actual plan.

This is like, yeah, this is what I do instead of dating people now, I guess. So, and you just like rip it apart with your hands because you can because it's the cleanest room. So you can get messy. Oh, that's great because it's a messy food and you've got it in the shower. And then you're literally just like, ah, tearing it apart. And then also there's something about the heat of the shower

which makes the oils from the skin more pungent. Hamish Blake should have most of his meals in his shower considering the steak he ends up in after them. He can't keep anything in his mouth. Roast chicken showers. Yeah, roast chicken showers. Yeah. I like it.

Yeah. I like it. Anyway, I highly recommend. Oh, wow. That sounded crazy at the start and sounded like the best idea of all time by the end of the story. Yeah, absolutely. I'm a convert, yeah.

Are you going to get one of those elderly people, like the plastic seat for in the shower just so that you can really, really enjoy the meal in there? A plastic plate, take a full spread in. I already have a seat in my shower, but it's for shaving my legs. For shaving my legs. What are you meant to do? All right, all right. Really?

That's what I bought it for. And did you go borrow it from the boomer apartments? Yeah. Just every, I don't know how many, every so many days where you need to shave your legs, the boomers look out and see you trudging along with your hairy legs. Oh, here she comes again, yes. They hear the rustling, you know.

Time share. Okay, well that's good. We've got the opinions of you guys off that. And very valid points being laid in there. And I feel like that sets up this story beautifully, which is I've talked about on the show before. I've got certain absolute go-to foods, fetishes, if you will, almost. Now, a recent one of that has been the David Jones Food Court. Now, I mean the David Jones mini food courts that they sort of franchise out,

not the one in the big department stores, the ones that you can find around different places. They have a type of muffin. They have a chocolate muffin that has a gooey chocolate center. Now, it's my absolute bag at the moment and i'm going out of my way i i've talked on the show before sometimes i buy four of them at once just in case i don't get anywhere near to a david jones food court in the next week or so so um i and of course with melbourne in this at the stage we're in at the moment I'm using my very precious outside hours some days to go down there

to specifically get one of these muffins. So the other day I went down there, and I never buy the muffin by itself now because I feel like you've got to show that you're shopping, you're getting a lunch. I'm not just leaving my house to get a muffin and being irresponsible. So I buy a sandwich that sometimes I don't eat just to cover for the muffin. That'll do it. One sandwich will throw them off the street.

Are you a criminal mastermind? They'll convict me for that. Like Saddam Hussein had doubles. You're just having decoy food. It's what's known as my alibi sandwich. So it completely exonerates me so i i go down there i park i park quite a way away you can never get a park too close to the david jones um so i park quite a fair way away now it is it is bucketing down i'm i'm earning this muffin

this day it's bucketing down rain um i'm still like, no, the muffin's worth it. So I go there. I grab the sandwich. I grab the muffin. I come back. And now I walk quite a way back to my car. And I get back to sort of where my car is, across the street from my car.

So I'm waiting in a traffic light across the street. And I get there and I'm standing next to what appears to be a very attractive lady. Now, you know, she's wearing a mask, but, you know, you can tell. Yes. You can tell, can't you? Right? Yeah, yeah.

She's got those vibes. She's got those vibes. Yep. I'm standing there. I love that you're all like, yep, yep, yep, yep. Sorry. Just a side note. I don't know what a hot person vibe is with a mask on.

I was thinking about this the other day with regards to some Middle Eastern countries that where females obviously cover up all the time. And obviously with everyone in masks at the moment constantly and sometimes got hoods on, et cetera, I was like, wow, I think you can tell. Well, there's more. It's in the eyes. I think there's more of this. We're evolving.

Yeah. Yeah. We're getting to sort of Emirate states. We're getting to sort of emirate states. We're getting some emirate levels at the moment. Yeah. It's a great time to be like a seven and the thing that's letting you down is busted teeth. Like you put the mask on.

You're clocking an 8.5 and 9 if you need dental work done at the moment. If you're a hot chick with a bit of a grandma beard, absolutely peak hours. If you've got a strong eye game, if you've got a strange colour like green eyes, I think they'd be getting a lot more success than usual at the moment. Yeah. No one ever gets work done on their eyes, do they?

No one's ever like, oh, these hideous eyes. I need to go in and get them fixed up they're really letting me down i need them bigger i need them pulled back more then i lift i feel like because you guys are all partnered up right at the moment yeah yes yeah not together but yeah yeah but wouldn't that be beautiful? Anyway. What a thruffle. What a thruffle. What a small centrepiece. I do feel like the standards. I feel like because I'm dating, we've talked about this so many times on this podcast now,

sorry, but I'm desperate. But I do feel like this pandemic has really lowered people's standards and it is a buyer it's a buyer's market frankly like i'm is that is that better though is that yeah yeah for me it's wonderful i'm like are you are you attracting are you attracting hotter hotter man yes yes it's wild it's so crazy and then i mean to them and then they're like they do that like shocked pikachu face meme when i say no to them it's so fun anyway if anyone's single and listening get out there don't say that on this podcast why oh no no no no don't talk to me

yeah exactly exactly if you say yeah a good-looking girl on the podcast saying i'm desperate do not say that to podcast listeners. Your inbox is going to be absolutely chock-a-block. Yeah, yeah. Line up as many confused Pikachus or whatever it was as you've got. Shocked. I can't remember what you said, but I don't know the gif. But, yeah, line them up because they'll be going out very,

very rapidly when you get your inbox full. Yeah. So I'm at this traffic lights with this, you know, like top half very attractive lady. Yeah, what you said before, what appears to be an attractive lady. Now I'm tipping the end of the story is that it's Bugs Bunny in a wig. That's what I'm saying coming down the pipe. It's Jessica Rabbit. So she's next to me. I sort of exchange very, very basic pleasantries because we're at the same traffic light. But then I feel sort of a weird happening and

I look down and in this pouring rain. Oh no, sorry. in this pouring rain, in this pouring rain, there's a bit of a footpath that's completely dry if you get what I'm saying. Carl, you have a kid. I don't think it's weird. I think you should know about these things already because, yeah, I imagine you've come across it before. But, okay, sorry. A weird thing happened. No happened my first sexual rodeo that's what was happening um no what what had happened was um it

had been raining that hard that i'd walked back with the sandwich in one hand and the chocolate muffin in the other the bag had completely soaked through it had become very weak the muffin then fell out the bottom of the bag and hit the gutter which is absolutely teeming in moving rainwater and i've seen the muffins just hit the the gutter and i've gone really loudly and the woman just looks over at me and goes oh oh, what happened? Did you hurt yourself? And I go, no, I dropped my muffin and just looked down and I've got a muffin in the drain. And I just, you know, I bend down and pick it up.

And I go, and she goes, oh, that's okay. It's just a muffin. And I go, and I didn't mean to say it, but I just really sadly looked at her and went, but I was really looking forward to eating this. And she goes, and she just looks at me, and I know I can't see the whole 100% of her face, but I definitely got the pity out of it. And she just goes, go and get another one.

And I go, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, sure, good idea. And so I turn and walk away and she walks over basically to hang out at the front of my car and I turn to walk away and realize, oh, that's right, that was the last chocolate muffin in the shop. This is the last one. And so I walk away, there's no shelter and you know given all the covid restrictions and everything there's no me getting to pretend to

hang out in shops anymore you don't want to just walk into a shop and just hang out so i'm like what am i what am i doing now i i can't just turn back around and then go back to the car and i'm thinking that's then i'm thinking that's the last muffin. Look, that was a lot of very fresh rainwater and it was moving very quickly. So it's not like I've dropped it in a dry, arid gutter that's needles in there or anything like that. It's like fresh. If anything, that fresh rainwater has washed the muffin.

Yeah, yeah. The muffin's cleaner than it was before, if anything. You're like catching salmon, just fresh salmon that are swimming upstream, just rinsed off in the stream. You're like a bear. Yes, yes. It's nature. Yes, yeah.

Yeah, this is how they should be selling it. Instead of putting it in a stuffy old germ-filled shop, they should be having it in the rainwater gutter to start with. So I – look look that all makes sense but i did feel a bit weird about it so i had nowhere to go so i just sort of walked around the corner and i stopped and i waited and i watched the lady until she left the car and and she was there for quite a while so it did end up with me standing around the corner watching a woman as I ate a muffin out of a gutter. That was it.

So these muffins, they're not wrapped? They're not sealed in any way? No. Oh, my God. Okay. No. They're freshies. They're freshies.

Yeah. They're just in a paper bag. And, yeah. Oh, no. They're freshies. They're freshies. Yeah. They're just in a paper bag and, yeah, oh, God. And it was really soaked of water by this stage as well. It was a very sodden muffin. Like I go on about how gooey the sender is of this muffin. It was especially gooey this stage. There was a lot more gooey. Did you approve it though, Carl?

I mean, because that's the – With all these weird chefs at the moment, like, you know, a Heston or a Jerry, they're always trying something weird. You could simply go, guys, obviously I'm a big foodie. I wondered whether – go out, grab your muffin, soak it in drain water. Must be drain water. It's a whole new thing. Grab your muffin, soak it in drain water. Must be drain water. It's a whole new thing.

Well, I can see a Mount Franklin collab coming up, you know, just like absolutely douse a muffin in water. Like everyone wants a moist muffin, I would assume. You don't want one of those dry muffins. No, but there's a point where it's moist and then there's a point that it's wet. Like there's a scale where suddenly I don't – damp's probably in the middle. But, yeah, there's a scale there that you don't want to go past. Is there now like a – like I said, there's a five-second rule.

Is there like a five-litre rule? Is there a five-millilitre rule? You know, this isn't that far removed from Shower Orange though, right? Like this is just the organic version of shower muffin you know yeah yeah yeah yeah it's yours and sexier it's a healthy food as well like it's not something that's all it's not something that's already bad for you to be eating, I think, is the difference. It's like there's a million reasons not to eat a muffin

and now you've got a million and one. Yeah, the emotion. The sugar in the muffin is all of a sudden the hero in the story. It's the thing that's performing. The emotions and the sensory feel I had when Jen talked about being in a shower with an orange versus Carl having a muffin out of the train. Yeah, they're right at the opposite end of the spectrum, I must admit.

Yeah. Yeah. Could you enjoy it? Could you still enjoy it? Because I've had that, you know, when you've cooked something or you've really been looking forward to something and you drop it on the floor or the ground and you do the three-second rule thing and you pick it up and you go, ah, this is just fine. You dust it off.

I always find I eat it and then mentally I can't get over that feeling of like, I'm eating something that came off the fucking ground. Like I've always gotten to the end of it and gone, it wasn't. Was it worth it just for like mentally what I have to go through of eating something off the ground? Very valid. It's sort of like the sensation I have when I'm eating anything that's like a choc-chip ice cream or something like that

where you're enjoying the smooth and you're just waiting for the hard bit. So I'm eating the muffin going, when am I going to get the bug? When am I going to get the shard of glass? When am I going to get the cigarette butt? So there was a bit of dainty chewing. You eat choc-chip ice cream not for the choc chips. You're saying that's the least favourite. You don't like that part.

I don't like the inconsistency in the texture. That's literally what a choc chip ice cream is though. I know and that's why I very rarely have it. You could get a vanilla which doesn't have the ch here. And I do.

I do, Jen. Don't worry. I'm all on top of that. I don't think you enjoyed it. I think you wished you enjoyed it. We're clinging on to things so tight in Melbourne at the moment. It's the equivalent of when you've got, you get hot chips and unfortunately the trip's too long on the way

back or they're cold and you still eat the hot chips. I don't know why we still call them hot chips even when they're cold. You eat the cold hot chips. You don't enjoy it. You know what – you envisage what it would have been like and maybe you're clasping on memories there. But, yeah, I don't think you enjoyed that.

You're right. It did bring me back to a time where I, a long, long, long time ago, where I walked to work. I had a plate of spaghetti in a plastic bag for my lunch, and I walked to work, and I accidentally dropped it on the way, and it hit the ground. It smashed the plate, and then I picked it back up and went, this could be okay.

And then I went to work, and I put all the spaghetti on a different plate and I heated it up and I had nothing else for lunch. So I just went, well, I'll eat this. This will be fine. And of course, what I didn't count for was there was tiny bits of plaster all through that spaghetti from the broken plate. And I'm just eating it and just eating these tiny little bits of clay every now and then instead of mince beef and going, oh.

But I've got no other option. It's either sort of little bits of clay or nothing. This sounds like. So I've had worse. I was going to say, like, how does the shame affect the flavour? You know what I mean? Like, you know what I mean? Because I, how does the shame affect the flavour? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Because I've definitely dropped the...

I made a fancy pasta the other night and really put so much time into it. It took me hours and I handmade the pasta and all this stuff. And then literally just the top of the salt thing popped off right as I was finishing it and just dumped like so much salt in it and I was like oh well you know it's like fishy I'll just go with it like it's salty yeah and then just sat there eating oh it was awful and I just and every time I would just bite into this like beautifully cooked fish and just like a bit of gritty salt would like hit the back of it. It just made me feel ashamed to be an adult who hasn't cooked properly enough, that I don't have enough good memories.

I don't have enough good memories of food. Really turned me off the shower. But I don't have enough good memories of food I've cooked because I don't cook that much to then be like, oh, that's all right. Like this is, you know what I mean? My hit rate is so low. Jen, I wish I had your story where you're like, oh, this one time there was too much salt in my fish.

I've got one time I ate spaghetti and there was, there was cookware in the middle of it. And one time I ate a muffin and there was fucking a branch and a, and a cigar in the middle of it. So that's nice. It's just so like Dickensian level grim. You know what I mean? Like the only way to get level grim, you know what I mean? The only way that it could get more grim is if you're like,

and then I got the plague and a chimney fell on me. That's literally how that Oliver twist. Also, my dedication to this muffin, and I know this is all in hindsight. I sat in the car and thought about this afterwards. I was like, you know, it's pretty grim, but I was pretty determined to have it because I was thinking, well, this is a lot. I probably won't come back for another week. I try and ration my goings out of the house.

There was only one muffin left and whatever. And I just thought of all the times I'd, you know, that day that I'd like sprayed my hands and washed my hands and not touched doorknobs and things like that and then just ate a muffin out of the gutter. So apparently I'm scared of COVID, but everything else, I would just stick it straight down my throat. That would have been incredible to see the Dan Andrews press conference

the next day where he gives the number of cases and he's like, and amongst these we have several that are linked to the aged care outbreak, the partner of a returned traveller who hadn't self-isolated, and a man who was eating a small cake out of the gutter. On the fucking up meal thing, I cooked for my girlfriend the other night and about three quarters of the way through cooking this thing, the spatula that I was using snapped like as it

was over the pot and broke and like i thought i'd gotten all the shards out but just didn't she didn't see it so i didn't say anything and then it just made the meal together so tense because i'm sitting there the entire time going how is it it? Is the texture pretty consistent? No choking going on? No large bits of plastic lodged in the throat from that last mouthful? Or, yeah, it really fucking put me on edge for the entire thing. It was not worth it. Should have chucked it and got Uber Eats.

Not worth it at all. I did a thing the other night where, you know, I've talked about this a little bit before, my wife and I pretty try and be quite healthy eating. You know, if my wife's like doing a sort of health kick or whatever, I'll be like, oh, I'm with you. I'm with you. The other night she went to bed and I've been really good with my eating and all that sort of stuff.

But then I had a couple of drinks by myself. And I don't know scientifically how that works when you have a couple of drinks and then you go, all bets are off. All of a sudden I'm amazingly hungry. If I hadn't have had those three Changs, I would have been fine to just sit here and watch Ten Peach and a couple of episodes of Friends and Seinfeld back to back yet again, the millionth night in a row, and have a glass of water and that'll do me. That sounded like product placement for 10 Peach. Yeah. I don't think I've ever heard anyone say 10 Peach out loud.

No, either of us. I don't know what it is about this lockdown, but I have not changed the channel from 10 Peach since March. That's amazing. All I've watched, I've never watched Friends before. I've watched every episode three times. I've never watched it once before. What time do you go to bed, Carl?

I go to bed, I reckon my wife goes to bed about 8, 8.30. What? And I go to bed. What does she do? Yeah, yeah. well she she she might watch a like an hour of netflix and then she she likes she likes her sleep like she'll she'll go to bed she might go to sleep at 9 30 and then get woken up by a baby at eight o'clock and go oh i had a rough night's sleep i woke up and got a drink at one stage. I'm like, yeah, but you slept 14 hours either side of that drink.

You're fine. You're fine, yeah. She loves to sleep. So she goes early. I'm not going to go to bed that early. So I've had a pretty productive sleep if I go to bed before 12. So I'll sit out there by myself. And like I said, if I've had a couple of beers,

if I get three or four episodes of Friends under my belt, I'm okay for the night. I'm ready to go. But if I had a couple of drinks, then like I said, whatever that scientific thing is that makes you want to eat after you've had three or four beers, I'm not an Uber Eats person. No offence to the absolute face of Uber Eats here in Australia. Now this seems like a placement right now and you're welcome.

But I ordered a pizza the other night and I was like, okay, I can't have them ring the doorbell or anything like that because the pizza turned up at like 11.30 at night. So I'm like, right, do I cut him off at the pass? I don't really want to race out and be outside because you can't be outside after 8 o'clock in Melbourne. So I sent a message to the delivery boy saying, just give me a text or something when you get close.

And so the guy rings me and goes, okay, I got your message. Where are you? And I'm on the second floor of apartment building. So I just sort of leaned over and like had a bag and went, can you chuck the pizza into the bag? And then he was like, I don't really think I'm covered to do this sort of thing. It's my pizza. It's my pizza.

I'm fine with it. I've eaten a muffin out of a gutter. If this falls on the ground, it's fine. Capriccio's are on pavement. Absolutely absolutely fine i've done it all before so then we sat there for a couple of minutes with him trying to figure out a way of like position like just get a tiny bit of air time from this pizza because i'm just just a bit too far up for him to pass it up normally and he was trying to throw it into a like a very wide open satchel that I had. I don't know if we can get in trouble with the police or anything,

but just this game of throw a pizza into a sack at about midnight the other night. Yeah, was he doing layups or what was it? Back when I was on the ninth floor of an apartment, I used to live with my mate, Hogs. And he got home from work. I'd already got home and had decided to ring Optus to fix the home internet, right, back in the day. And I'd been on hold for three hours and 16 minutes when he walked through the door.

And he's like, what are you doing? I was like, mate, I'm still on hold. I'm trying to get the internet fixed for the and he he's like what are you doing i was like mate i'm still on hold i'm trying to get the internet fixed for for the apartment he's like all right this this happened this happened to phoebe the other night on friends by the way so we were going out to the pub to meet up with our pals and in elevator, I'm going to lose reception. But I'm already at three hours, 16 minutes. I said, okay. Yes, right. I said, Hawgs, let's go in and out in 45 minutes. No problem.

It got to four hours of waiting. And he goes, we've got to go. I said, yeah, you're right. But I cannot for the life of me, having sat here for four hours, I cannot give up. I feel like I'm closer and closer. And have you got it on speakerphone? Yeah, on speakerphone. How are you handling four hours? I cannot give up. I feel like I'm closer and closer. And have you got it on speakerphone? Yeah, on speakerphone.

How are you handling four hours? Yeah, speakerphone. And at this point, are you singing along with the hold music as well? Yeah, exactly. Do you still know the tune now? It's burnt in, right? Do you still tell us the tune now? It still echoes in my head everywhere I go.

And so, Hogs goes to me, just throw the phone. I'll go down to the street. Just throw the phone down to me. I'll catch it. Yes. And then we'll take it from there. And I was like, right.

And what floor were you on again? The ninth. What, number four? The ninth. So there's significant inertia that's coming out. Yeah. You joked before, but this is exactly how Joey and Chandler

would solve this conundrum. It's not even a funny riff anymore. It's literally what they would do. Hogs goes, look, I'll go down. I can catch it. I was like, no, I'm more worried about my phone, you dropping me. It's not on grass anyway. It's on the sidewalk.

But let's think about this. And I've had the idea of the phone was kind of like that. It was a Sony Ericsson. I'm not sure if you remember that little period where people were getting into Sony Ericssons. They were kind of the same width as the Nokias. It slid perfectly into a toilet roll. So we put it in the toilet roll.

It required a bit of stuffing in, so it was strong enough to be in there. It was still on speakerphone, and I said, Hoggs, I feel very comfortable throwing this toilet roll with my phone in it. Sounded like a year nine science experiment, doesn't it, when you've got to protect the egg or something. So Hoggs goes down. I throw it. I throw it. He catches it.

He holds it up and goes, it's still on speakerphone. Yes. And I'm celebrating. And I get in the elevator all the way down. He pulls it out, hands it back to me, and the music stops. And I'm like, what? What did you just do? And he said, oh, my God.

Handing it back to you, I just switched it off for some reason and he goes I just felt I thought we were done we've celebrated the experiment was could we get the phone down there? The idea was to keep the phone running. So, yeah, it was a very morbid walk to the pub that day back when we were allowed to still go to pubs. Because I was going to say, like, you'd be wrapped. When you're launching that plan, knowing that you're going to the pub straight afterwards, win or lose, like whatever happens in that scenario,

you're turning up to the pub with a great story. Like even if you hadn't have made it if the phone if the phone smashed on the ground and just obliterated still a great story to turn up to the pub with 15 minutes later there's no loss but no but he's and you've got the one bad story out of it because if you smash the phone good story if you catch it and it still works and great we've got the call great story, we caught it, but then we turned it off. That's not a good story for the pub. Oh, but you get to roast the guy.

You get to be like this fuckhead. I should have gone down to catch because Hogs, over the years, he's so absent-minded, and this is no joke. When we were 19, we've left his house, always pre-drinks at his house, his mum's house. We've left his house, got in the cabinks at his house, his mum's house. We've left his house, got in the cab. We've got to the Armadale Hotel. Hog's turned to me going, oh, no.

And I'm like, what? He goes, I've forgotten to wear shoes. I look down. He's got socks on. It's not a hot night. It's not like, oh, we're all just in shorts and t-shirts before he's got socks on I was like

what do you mean he's like I just I always leave him at the front door and I just forgot to grab him on the way out it's like

did you not feel that as we walked to the taxi so yeah is your friend Hogs is he one of my recurring dreams because that's what it sounds like

yeah he also he's got four kids now Hogs, is he one of my recurring dreams? Because that's what it sounds like. Yeah. He also, he's got four kids now, which is just crazy. He's got twins. I think he's forgotten something else four times as well, by the sound of it. And he was going to pick up the twins from a party. And another one of them mates, James. So he got the twins out, put them in the back seat of the car and james they're all in there and then they go well hang on hugo's still in there he's

the only boy left and the boy versus girl scenario when your kids are like you know prep great it it is a thing still you know so they're like oh we should should go and see if Hugo wants to come as well. So Horngs goes, good call. He jumps out of the car, goes back into the party, comes back, car's gone. He's sitting there going, oh my gosh, my kids and the kid of the parents who asked me to pick them up. I don't know what I'm going to tell them, but I think the car's been stolen with my kids in it. I didn't lock the car when I to tell them, but I think the car's been stolen with my kids in it. I didn't lock the car when I ran in.

What am I doing? So, he's panicking. He looks across four lanes of traffic, sees his car on the other side of the road reversed into a Porsche on the other side of the road. I know the Porsche is cliche. It's a Porsche. He runs across and his kids are laughing, the other kids crying. They're used to this kind of shit from Hawks. He looks down, car's in reverse, and he goes,

Jimmy, did you put the car in reverse? And they're strapped in their car seats and stuff. Of course they haven't. Then Hawks realises, I'm the guy. I'm the guy that was about to reverse out. Instead, I went, oh, let's go and pick up Hugo. Jumps out of the car without putting it in park, runs in, and it goes across four lanes of traffic onto the other side.

Oh, my God. Yeah, and that is Hogs in a nutshell. And he tells this story to his wife and that's fine. And she goes, yeah, well, I know what I signed up for. Wow, that's a thin line between a funny story on a podcast and like a testimony in a court. Yeah, yeah. A community service announcement.

Yes. Yeah. Thankfully his wife has super strength. But I think you're right. If she was to ever, you know, leave or et cetera, which I would recommend to her, and didn't have custody, yeah, I think we'd have to use this to inform child services that the right thing must be done.

Wow. Imagine being those kids in that car. You know when you're that young, like you don't really have any concept of like actual danger. Just being in this car that's rolling back across traffic, you've got no idea that you could be wiped out by an 18-wheeler. You're just there going... My kid is still understanding how to react to certain things.

You'll do something good for her and she'll burst out crying. The other day I kicked a soccer ball directly in the middle of her face quite hard and she burst out laughing. So it's great to figure out how to react to different things in life. Phase two of telling child services. You didn't use the word accidentally, I don't think, Carl. You just said yesterday I kicked a soccer ball into my kid. What will happen here, I wonder?

I didn't get sick from eating the muffin out of the gutter. Time to try another wild experiment and just see what happens. Look, it was not the intended purpose. I was trying to show my child a trick. I was trying to kick the ball over its head and impress my child. He went straight into her nose. This doesn't improve your chances of child services. I was trying to impress her by using her in a trick. I was trying to impress it.

Yeah. My 18-month-old, I really need her to approve of my skills. Yeah. Yeah, I was trying to show off to a baby. Yeah. I want to try and get on one of those Nike ads. I tried to show off to my baby and I couldn't do that. I failed.

Hey, Jen, you touched on earlier that, yeah, the three of us on the episode in the chat window at the moment are all coupled up. I just remembered this from the other day so i earlier in the year probably about january or so uh it was middle of summer me and my girlfriend were hanging out we'd gone to go to uh a gallery the gallery was closed when we got there um but it was a nice day so we just kind of sat and we hung out in the park and we've been together for uh at this stage, like three months.

So it's, you know, it's like relatively early on, but it's, you know, it's been a little bit. Like we've been hanging out a fair bit at this point. And we're sitting there chatting and she was telling me that she had been, the night before this, chatting with a gal pal of hers about different dicks and the ways that dicks vary and different dicks that they've seen over their lives of, you know, sleeping with different men and everything. And she goes, yeah. And we were talking about circumcised dicks and how weird they look.

And I've got to say, like, fuck, I'm really glad that you're not circumcised. And I go, I am circumcised. And she goes, no, you're not. And I'm like, what, this is a funny prank that I'm pulling? I am. She did back Tommy. Every time that you've enjoyed oral sex lately, has she been wearing a blindfold? And a mouth guard?

She's like, no, come on. Prove it. Prove it right now. I'm like, we're in a fucking park. This is how I get arrested. You're just going to have to take my word for it. I don't think I know what a circumcised dick looks like, though. You would.

You would. You would, Jen. I don't know. The thing is, they pretty much look the same when they're erect, and that's the problem, and that's why when people think they haven't seen one. So, Tommy, similar story. Because why am I looking at flaccid dicks?

I'm only looking at strong... Oh, wow. That's a real way of high-noting yourself. Look at me. As if a flaccid dick could come within five kilometres of me, Jen Fricker. They instantly, shazam, boing. But wouldn't it be... They're always erect by the time they get to me.

But wouldn't it be worse if I was like, I've only seen flaccid dicks. Jen Viagra Fricker. No, you're right, Jane. It would have been worse if you said you've only ever seen a flaccid dick. That would be a more, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In a similar vein, Tommy,

we're at the family dinner. Mom, dad, my sister, my brother and I. Oh my God, where's this going? Penises come up. Penises come up. The coffee conversation, penises comes up and we're talking about circumcised dicks and not circumcised.

And my sister says, I don't think I've ever seen a circumcised dick or penis, she would have said in front of my mum. My mum's pretty proper, even though we're having this conversation. And I went, right, you realise that Cam, my brother, dad and myself, we're all circumcised. And she went, really? And I was like, and I know you've seen ours throughout your whole life and we're kind ofcised and she went really and I was like and I know you've all

you've seen ours throughout your whole life and we're kind of open nude families and tonight yeah and she went really

that's why we're all here and she went really I was like yeah yeah it sticks out Tuesday around at mum and dad's and so she goes

oh okay and then moments later she said she goes I was going to go wash my hands. She went to the bathroom and she comes back in pondering and she turns to us and goes, sorry guys, are we Jewish?

This is a 26 year old woman asking this. 26-year-old woman asking this. And I said, Noel, noticed how we celebrate Christmas every fucking year. We're pretty big on Easter. I wouldn't say we're terribly religious, but there's nothing. And she goes, yeah, right, right. Yeah. Check your driver's license.

Does it say Leonstine? Oh, my God. Because, yeah my when i had this discussion with my girlfriend she was like i said something similar to you like two weeks ago and you just you just didn't say anything like why didn't you pull me up on this then and i was like because you kind of gaslit me and i was thinking fuck fuck, maybe I'm not circumcised. She's seen more than I have. Like, you know, what would I know? Like I just had this intense like three-day period where I was like,

I need to Google image some dicks and just work it. Like my whole life is a lie. I remember, Tommy, I remember years and years and years ago, this is before internet i remember it coming up and me going oh hang on i don't really know like i haven't seen anyone else's penis except for mine i didn't know whether i was circumcised or not either and then one day and it went on for years and one day mum was telling some story and going oh this happened this happened and you know that time when you went into the hospital when you were little. And I was like, what did I go in for?

And she goes, you know, to have the snip down there. And I go, boom, bang, I know, I'm circumcised. Thank you, mum. So, yeah, I had that fun fact in my head for the rest of my life. How old were you? No, this is, I think I was like 16 or something like that. Why? When the conversation happened, not when I went into the hospital.

Oh, right, when you're in the hospital. My mates, Mike and Tim, they're identical twins. And his girlfriend at the time, Mike's, was trying to pull back the foreskin when going down. And he went, oh, no, what are you doing? It doesn't go back. And she went, it should go back. This is when he was 20.

It should go back. And she went, uh, it should go back. This is when he was 20. It should go back. And she's like, no, and he's like, no, it never goes back. And she's like, what, what happens when it gets erect?

And he's like, no, it just kind of stays in. It's like, and it's like, it was like, you know, Arnold Schwarzenegger trapped in a small sleeping bag. Like it would be in there still,

but trying to work its way out. And she's like, oh my God, you've got to go to the doctor. He's like, no, no, no, no, no. And he hadn't had that experience. She's like, yo, you seriously have to go to the doctor and check this out. So he went to the doctor and they've gone, wow, yeah, you do have, we have to circumcise you. It's unusual, but yeah, your penis doesn't come out.

It's like too tight at the top of the bottle. And so he went back and told Tim. Actually, Tim went with him to the doctor's surgery and came out and said, hey, I've got to go to the surgery. So Tim pissed himself laughing. The doctor goes, hey, are you a twin? I better check yours as well. Tim's like, no, I'll be right.

I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. I'm not making this up. Tim goes in, exactly the same thing. And because they both grew up, and, you know, like we say, we don't have too many reference points. They both grew up. They had their bath together. They had their swimming lessons together.

They both thought it was normal. They both shared their stories. Double adult circumcision. They both had it at the same time, and they both had what they called the crown of jewels as they – or crown of thorns, sorry, crown of thorns around the top of the stitches at 20 years of age. I mean, twins getting the same surgery, you'd be hoping for a discount.

You'd be hoping for a little off the top, pardon the pun. But the twin laughing at the story, I check it out. The doctor said I had this wrong with me and him laughing, it's like he's just described exactly your penis. What's the laugh at?

How did he find that a funny story? In my mind though, when they're getting the surgery I imagine them wearing the like, the same, like, obviously the same scrubs and whatever and holding hands and just swinging them. I don't know, just doing something like. That's true. That's cute.

Something nice, you know. I feel like the equivalent of this for women is, like, I read this thing the other day about how, like, 50% of all women don't know how to put a tampon in. Wow. And I was like. 50%? Yeah.

It's like crazy high. Because like how would you learn? Good question. We won't field this one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good point. If the answer is listening to three men on a podcast, then you're in trouble.

And two of whom didn't know they were circumcised until very recently. But like, yeah. But I just, I don't know. I was just like, because, yeah. Anyway, it just was interesting to me. I feel like that's, anyway. That's a market that, you know, is open. Yeah.

You know, as an adult tampon technician, there's a market you can go into. Because tampon ads are so ethereal about it. You know what I mean? It's always just like, oh, dancing. That's it. They don't describe that process or anything. They're just like, I'm doing, yeah. Anyway, it's not funny but

it's true did you so when you when you heard that fact did you did was it not so i'm presuming that you found out that you were in the 50 that's doing it right that must have been well because it's like a real like sometimes it's right and sometimes it's wrong and you don't know why. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Am I oversh- This is so- No, no, no, no. Please. Hey.

Please. Hey, you're talking to 50% of women who don't know how to do it and 100% of men who don't know how to do it. So you've got all of our attention. Please, but it also reminds- Educate us and 98% of the audience. But it also reminded me of that, you know the song Wet Ass Pussy Educate us and 98% of the audience. But it also reminded me of that, you know,

the song Wet House Pussy that Cardi B just put out? And there's a line in it about do a kegel when I'm on top. And I've noticed so many men who don't know what a kegel is. What's a kegel? Yeah, what's a kegel? So a kegel is like... I know, but you tell those guys. Because I already know what it is. So a Kegel is like a pelvic floor exercise.

And you're meant to do it because it helps your bladder control. But also as like a sex thing. Like when a girl bears down on your dick. Really? Yeah. Anyway. I don't know. I just thought it was very sweet that people don't know this like trick yeah but i'm gonna i'm gonna put it on the menu bears down yeah yeah bears down a little bit of military lingo coming into it i feel so uncomfortable i'm so sorry i never get

embarrassed or shameful about any of this stuff and then then now for some reason I'm like, oh, I hope Tommy and Carl and Andy don't think ill of me. Yeah, anyway. Well, I mean, obviously there's three men that are absolutely erect right now because, you know, there's never been a flaccid penis within 50 metres of you. Fuck off. We've learnt that from before. I'm glad you guys are in lockdown, all right?

There, I said it. Oh, hurtful. Hurtful. Sorry, I'm just off to the beach. I can go enjoy. Fuck yeah. All right, well, we'd better wrap it up. The three of us are into our...

What a wonderful way to go out. ...up into our respective bedrooms to flog our potentially circumcised penises. I've got no way. I've got no idea one way or the other what I'm dealing with down there. I asked mum about that. I might ask her about the Kegel and figure out what that's all about pretty soon. Jen and Andy, thank you so much for joining us

on the Little Dum Dum Club this week. Pleasure. Good fun. Have you got stuff to plug? Have you got stuff going on at the moment? Yes, I'm doing, well, I've still got a show on at the Comedy Store in November that I put on sale in March because we, and fingers crossed, who knows?

I guess if you buy a ticket, it's like a lottery ticket and there's like a one in five chance it'll happen. That's exciting. That's exciting. You can get your money back if it doesn't happen. But then, yeah, I've got like a few other things popping up in September, but I'll post about it on my socials if you just follow Jen Fricker on Instagram and Facebook.

Go to your website. Facebook. Jenfricker.com, I assume. Yeah. Something like that. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's it. Sorry.

You should go. Great. I don't know. It's just, yeah. What is time anymore, you know? Andy, I believe you have a podcast that's about 20 or 100 places above ours on the podcast charts on average. Yeah. Yeah, well, you can listen to the Hamish Nandy podcast.

It's pretty much Kegel free. The chat. Men can do Kegels. Men can do Kegels. You don't get too much dick and fucking chat on the Hamish Nandy podcast. So, yeah, don't go there for that. And look, actually, for parents. Thank you for go there for that. And look, actually for parents, and for parents,

well, that's the thing is when I, the live ones we've done here with you guys, when I swear, the crowd always goes, oh, I always find that really weird in the opening bits where like it normally takes them about 15 minutes

to get used to me actually swearing. But for parents out there, I just released another kid's book, which might help you through lockdown, at least provide them with some. It's called Do Not Open This Book Ever. Might provide them with some entertainment for eight to ten minutes for you guys to go and do whatever you want. Great. Heaps of parents, heaps of parents out there, as we know from the social.

So, yep, sweet. Very much in their wheelhouse. Yeah, if you want to take a break from kicking the Sharon at your child's head, then pick up Ambulance. I'm on parent duty at the moment. I've been listening to my child scream for the last 10 minutes. So if we could wrap this up, Tommy, that would be awesome. All right, guys.

Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. See you, mates. And they've done it again. Oh, have they ever. That was a good one from them. Well done. Whoever they are, if we ever solve that mystery,

the long-running mystery on this show of who they are that host that show, look, big plaudits to you. Well done. Well done to the Banksy of podcasting. Yeah, Talking Dumb Dumb is sort of like a true crime podcast where we're trying to get to the bottom of who these guys are that have committed such a crime against comedy. And in that, I mean that they've ruined comedy for everyone else

because they've done it so perfectly and so professionally. Yeah, they caused the pandemic in the way of there's no more comedy anymore. There was going to be comedy, but everyone said, well, why bother? Why bother? Combined with the world events plus these guys just absolutely smashing the art form.

But, you know, one day they'll slip up and we'll find out their true identity. Yep. But until then, all we can do is speculate. If you had to guess, who do you think they're most likely to be? Well, look, just like Banksy, like, you know, trying to get clues in that way, all I can think of is I've seen a lot of graffiti around my area saying

Bernie's kicked a big one. So maybe one of them is called Bernie. Yeah, okay. All right. Bernie Sanders moonlighting as a podcaster. Bernie Madoff. Bernie Madoff. Yeah, okay.

Maybe they're both called Bernie. They're both famous Bernies. Oh, the two Bernies. Yeah, the two Bernies. Yeah, the two Bernies. The two Bernies. That would be good. That would be good, another little side project of this show. A little skit called The Two Bernies Every Week.

That would be good. The Two Bernies. Bernie Madoff and Bernie Sanders just hanging out, palling around. Yeah, yeah. Good episode. Thank you to Andy, Lee and Jen Fricker. Very fun episode. Let them know on the socials.

Let us know on the socials. Get on the socials. We have fun every week doing all that sort of bullshit. Any homework off the back of the episode? Just trying to think if we need to clear anything up or if there's anything else that we need to follow up on. Not particularly. Would love to hear from more ladies about whether or not they have any way

of knowing whether or not a man is circumcised. Because I brought that story up as an example of my girlfriend being a bit fucked, but Jen kind of on behalf of the sisterhood was able to pretty accurately say, no, you know, I think it isn't as easy for a woman to tell as you might think. So as is often the case with topics of this nature, I think I have a feeling that, yeah, the inbox this week, if I had to predict, it's going to be a lot of stories about people having eaten out of the bin and people talking about a penis that they fellated that they had no idea whether it was circumcised or not.

I've got a feeling there's way more of the latter than there is going to be messages about eating soggy muffins. Unless that's a whole other new fetish. That's instead of soggy biscuits or something. The message where we get both of them, the message where we get like, oh, look, I dropped a biscuit onto this guy's dick and I probably shouldn't have been eating it.

Not very hygienic, but I did so. And then while I was down there, I happened to notice that this fella wasn't circumcised. That sort of message would be wonderful to receive. Thinking about what we talked about, I went to the David Jones food court in South Yarra that I nip off to like once a week. I went there today and did the big travel out there

and then walked in there. As soon as I walked in, I noticed muffins were gone. All the muffins sold out. And I'm already in the store and I'm like, okay, I guess I just buy my, you know, my little alibi, the sandwich. I guess I just buy one of them. Sandwich is gone too. Just had to.

Oh, wow. And, you know, these days you've got the people at the front door waiting to sanitize your hands and all that sort of stuff. Yep. And so I just walk in and then turn around and walk out and the hand sanitizer woman's just looking at me going, what are you doing? Just fucking grab something. This is your lunch.

Just grab something else. Are you going at kind of random times, like different times every time you go or are you close to being able to narrow down just knowing for your own, you know, peace of mind, if you're going there past 11 a.m., it's not worth it because they're always going to be sold out. No, it's a bit of a crapshoot because, yeah, look, that's a valid point. I'm usually – today I went a little bit later, but sometimes it's nice to run the gauntlet because,

because of all me talking about muffins the first time I brought up from this venue, people found out, people let me know through the socials that you go at a certain time and if you go after about 2 o'clock, 2 p.m., and the muffins haven't been sold, they downgrade them in price. It's like they've been sitting in the Baymarie too long and they go, all right, half price. And that's what it is. It's half price after 2 o'clock. So if you really push your luck and think, well, maybe I'll get two for one here.

No, you're shit out of luck. You got too greedy and now you got none. Yeah, yeah. So I failed today. I rolled the dice and I failed. I got nothing. I was so hungry. I've been on the intermittent fasting.

You walked out empty-handed? Yeah, I was so fucking hungry and I was so looking forward to just eating. I walked in, I saw no muffins and I was like, you know what, fuck it, I'm just getting the sandwich, I don't even care now. No sandwiches. Fuck! So very frustrating, very frustrating. So just nothing, not a bag of chips, not a…

No, no, no. Wow. You know what, my really, my, what was it called, the thing I've got up my sleeve, I guess, when I walk out there, and there's not a lot of hot food around that area, I go, you know what? My last resort, I go over, there's a sandwich place over in the shopping centre where Woolworths is, and they have these really good sausage rolls, and they're massive.

And I'm like, all right, that's my last resort, the massive sausage rolls. I go there, they're gone too. This is fucking insane. Not your day. That's my last resort, the massive sausage rolls. I go there, they're gone too. This is fucking insane. Not your day. You know that thing of don't shop when you're hungry? I had to go grocery shopping after that. Oh, it's fucking killing me.

Shopping, at that stage, I hadn't eaten for 24 hours. It was driving me fucking insane. And what did you end up having well i bought all this stuff for sandwiches and then just went i'm so fucking hungry i just bought cookies and then just ate them in the car on the way home the worst thing great just yeah i haven't eaten for 24 hours and just put some chocolate chip cookies in my stomach yeah and i feel like i feel like fucking shit right now yeah go insane go hypo immediately after the cookies and then crash yeah yeah it's after yeah good shit i'm about i'm about to go for a run after this and i absolutely i feel like

i've got the flu now i feel like i've got flu-like symptoms from eating chocolate chip cookies after 24 hours of no food yeah and that'll be fun running on too because your body's just got nothing to fucking process oh look i ate after but still, I still feel like absolute shit just off the back of that. Should we open up the old CBS mailbag? We shall. Open it up, Tommy. Here we go. One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. Okay. Okay, this week, let's do a sample of what we've got this week. We've got a postcard. We've got a postcard from Fred from Spain saying he's in Spain and Hollies. Yeah, yeah, just really trying to rub it in about how much fun he's having in Barcelona and Spain. Weird that it's postmarked South Melbourne, but anyway, yeah, I don't think you're really there, mate.

I do not think you're actually there. So, nice try. The Postal Service is fucked. There's all these stories about people, they're sending something to Sydney and it ends up going fucking via Adelaide and whatever. So it could be one of those things. Yeah, it could be. It could be. I reckon it's not in this case, but thank you. Thanks for the effort. We have got an unusual parcel here. We got some, what do you call them? The car scent, the things that you hang up in your car to make your car smell different,

whatever they're called again. Oh, yeah, yeah. Air freshener. Air freshener, yeah. We got one of them. Now, it's particularly flavoured. It's called bush chook. Bush chook flavoured.

Oh, emu export flavour? Yeah. No, no. Well, that's the thing. So this is obviously like a bit of a reference to the love of Brett Blake's, guest Brett Blake's life, which is emu export beer. But very clearly, whoever has manufactured this air freshener does not have the rights from emu export so they've just made everything the same color and tried to use the

same font and just called it bush chook and it's like a emu like with a six pack of beer and i haven't cracked it open yet but i presume it's supposed to smell like beer which is obviously not a very good thing. Are you sure that's not like something that they've done deliberately, like as merch? It seems like one of those, you know, those weird like promo stunt things that companies love to do. Okay, maybe.

Well, their name, the name of the beer is nowhere on the packaging anywhere. name the name of the beer is nowhere on the packaging anywhere so i can only guess that um that's the the that's a bad way of advertising your brand if that's what you're doing um but you might be right you might be absolutely right now that i'm i'm saying now i'm looking that you got free in like a slab or whatever you know some companies do that thing where it's like they don't they're not doing it to advertise and they don't then have the name of the brand on there. It's just like, hey, here's this weird thing that we made that you can get as a tie-in. They want people to be like tweeting about it like, oh, thanks. You know what?

Now my car smells like a fucking brewery. Yeah, you know what? It's got a website on the packaging and I've gone to it and they have approximately 40 bits of merchandise for sale. So if they're not connected to EMU Export, they are taking the absolute piss. They are really, really running the gamut here. They're a serial killer that wants to get caught is what they are.

Right. If they're not connected. So let's assume maybe they are connected after all. But Brett Blake, if you're listening, come and pick up your new air freshener because I do not want a very substandard beer to be permeating my car. I reckon I can count on one hand the number of times I've been in a car that's had the air freshener hanging in it. Would you be the same?

I've got one. You do? Okay. Yeah, but it's been hanging there for about three years and it probably worked for the first week. Yeah, okay. And that was it. But we can move on.

Maybe I should take one of those bush hooks in my car. Yeah, sure, go for it. Let's do the last one for this week. We have got quite a big parcel sent to us from Sean, from listener Sean. He was someone who came up last week. He was the original prankster that tried to um get us to um send well thought that he was getting a third party to send us small dum-dum club shirts to ourselves um then found out i was the one doing the packaging so i just cut him off at the past went hey fuck and he and so

we've contributed those shirts to the uh nickapa Coloring Competition, to the Capa Cartoon Connection competition that's happening right now, which good little ad for that. Plenty of entries have come in so far, some really fun ones. So, guys, keep sending them in. We're going to take a couple more weeks and then have a bit of an announcement and chuck out the prize pack and we'll have a lot of fun stuffing that. But so he was the guy donated effectively donated against his will to that um but anyway so sean off the

back of the episode two weeks ago has just ordered me a new pair of jeans from calvin klein so i've got just brand new jeans sent to me from calvin klein um. Did I give out my measurements on that episode? I presume I did because he's just guessed measurements otherwise. Yeah, I think I said at the end of the ep to send a – yeah, because we'd just given out the PO box, so I said to people to have a crack, and I think I gave out what I assumed was your size based on what you'd said and what I was looking at in front of me.

So what's he gone with? He's gone with the waist 33 and the length 32, Calvin Klein. And if you can see these, they're sort of, I don't know, I don't think they come up well enough on my camera, but they're sort of, they kind of look a bit like dad jeans to me. Would that be fair? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I mean, Calvin Klein's sort of – the dad jean thing is kind of more about the fit, the kind of a baggy overall. Have you tried them on? No, maybe I'll put them on right now as we're talking. Yeah. Not on camera probably, but yeah. Yeah, take the – you don't have to worry about putting them on, but do everything up until that the, take your pet, you don't have to worry about putting them on

but do everything up until that step, just into the camera, go into the camera for me, it would be great. I just realised I've got the, with the camera, I've got the mirror behind me as well so it doesn't matter what I'm doing,

you can see what's going on. I'd better just turn that completely around. Aw, fuck I'd love for your wife to walk in at this point and observe you into the webcam, pants coming off after you've presumably told her, oh, I'm just going to do the pod with Tommy. Yeah, I thought you were doing your podcast.

How come it says OnlyFans.com on the website? What's going on? God, well. All right, so. I mean, I don't know. I'm going to try these on, but if they don't fit, it's not like I can send them back or anything. But like I said, I said on social media or something this week,

I've got all these pair of pants and bits of clothing that don't fit me. Next time, God forbid, we ever do a live show, I think I'm going to add that to the merch table, just all the clothes that I've bought that don't fit me. Yeah, I had an idea once to do for my comedy festival show to have a merch desk that was just basically me doing a garage sale. So it would just be me plugging at the end of the show like, yeah, anyway, I'm selling these roller skates and, yeah,

got this old small TV and just be selling different shit of mine that I didn't want every night after the show. Great. So I'm now saying they're on. They're not done up yet. This is the moment of truth. It's official.

They do not fit. So they're about the same as all my other pants. What do you mean? They won't do up? They're too small? No, no. They're too big. They're too big.

Really? Yeah. They look all right from here. They look okay. No, they feel pretty baggy to me. No, they're pretty baggy. I don't know. Well, you know what?

We can add – Yeah, they're too baggy. They're too baggy. Yeah. We can add these pair of jeans to the prize pool for the Kappa Coloring Competition. If you haven't entered yet and you're a size 33, then this should inspire you. Get the fucking pencils out and get to it. If you're looking at me and going, oh, if I lost a few kegs, I could be the same weight as Chandler.

Don't. And then enter this competition and get the jeans. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, that's a shame. But hey, if anyone else wants to have a crack, now they know.

33, officially too baggy. But how was the link? How's the 32 link? Yeah, it's okay. 33 officially too baggy but how was the link? How's the 32 link? Yeah, it's okay. That would be good if this is an ongoing segment now where it's like if I just never gave out my size

and every week it's like a guessing game instead of going what number am I thinking of? 102. No. Try again next week. It's just someone trying to

send jeans in every week to see if they fit me. Trying to send in the magical jeans, the magical sizing. Yeah. I really like it. Like next week someone's going to send in, like you're saying they're really baggy. Someone sends in a 29. It's like these won't even do up.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's like someone walking around with the half a heart locket, you know, that's broken in half and they're trying to find the other half a heart that fits. You're just forever chasing the answer. So, no, sorry. You don't win my heart because you didn't find the right size. Sorry, Sean. You were incorrect. You don't win the right size. Sorry, Sean.

You were incorrect. You don't win the cash prize. Boy, this guy's nil for two. His prank backfires. Yeah. His jeans don't fit you. This guy is just floundering at the moment. But, I mean, it's also very appropriate.

Like, you know what? If anything, what he's achieved is he's found probably about exactly the right oversized jean that i usually buy right like it's it's too big for me but it's about too big for me that i'm used to getting and like yeah respect to him he had a crack this guy must be swimming in cash if he can afford to send two t-shirts to the people who made the t-shirts and yeah and calvin klein's not a cheap brand. He's just going out and dropping on a, you know,

could have had the same result just going to Target and getting just like their cheapest pair that they sell. But he's gone with like a legacy name brand. That's, you know, he must be doing all right. That's a big name brand. You're right. Yeah. Big name brand.

Yeah. Well, thank you, Sean. Thank you for just showing the wastefulness of the Western world in just absolutely pissing your money up against the wall like that. Yep. But appreciate it. I was going to say, man, if he just had – if he wasn't even a Patreon subscriber and he's pissing his money up the wall like that, that's insane.

But then I've looked him up. He is. So that's fine. He's consistently wasting money. Yeah, consistently wasting money. Yeah, yeah. I don't think there's going to be – he spent a bit of money on the jeans, not a lot of resale value.

But, you know, I've left on the tag, so that's something. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah. That would be funny if you tried to get a refund for them and they're like where'd you purchase them and you're like well a bit of a weird story they were purchased for me by a listener of my podcast but hey they're intact

they've got the tags on them they've been worn once for content you can listen to it here and then you'll hear them not fit me properly and may return them into the bag. So I'd like some money back for them. Can we just put them on the website, in the merch section of our website, along with the other jeans?

So it's like instead of having, as it is now, you've got a wear design, burger design, small, medium, large, XL2, XL3, XL4, XL5, XL, and then girl sizes. You've got four pairs of jeans, wildly different sizes, wildly different designs, wildly different colors. You've just got these four very distinct style and color. They're your option. And by branding it, I'll sign the label or something,

and that's branding. I'll draw a little burger on the label. All the ones that don't end up fitting you, they go on their own special section on our merch store, Chandler's Jeans Graveyard. Yes. And in the drop-down menu, it's just like you can – you know, someone listening right now is probably like,

damn, 33 pair of Calvin Klein's. That sounds right up my alley. Well, guess what? You can get on to our merch store in a couple of weeks and get them. Yeah. It's a little bit like when George Costanza tried to buy the secondhand car that was owned by John Voight. Right.

A little bit like that. Okay. Well, yeah. I reckon we'll do that, but we only do that after you've got the pair that fit you. Okay. Right. So if someone else wants to have a crack,

you don't have to be getting such big name brands. No. You're welcome to, but I mean, I don't want to encourage that. I don't want to encourage people. Someone sending you like a fucking pair of, what if you got sent this like ludicrous like fucking, you know,rous fucking snake skin or just the most over-the-top Gucci... Leather pants. Yeah, yeah.

It's got all like Ed Hardy that's just got studs and shit all over it, and then that's the pair that fits you perfectly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you're just duty-bound to wear them everywhere. Oh, I would wear them for every live podcast. You have to. What if we got sent in and it was like Ed Hardy, so you had all these colourful sort of graphics up the side of it,

but it was all like they'd done it themselves. So it's like there's pictures of like Kappa up the side of my jeans and things like that. I'm having to wear that. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Well, you've given someone a bad idea.

Yeah. Thanks, Sean. On to the next segment of the show, which is we thank, you know, speaking of people who are generously sending in stuff to the show, there's a lot of people that do that through patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. They do it more effectively. I mean, you know, I can't keep the lights and the power on via jeans alone. Some of it has to come in cash form, and that's what a lot of people do.

They want to see us thrive in our personal life. They want to see us eat. They want to see us warm. So thank you very much for that. And they want a bit of bonus content. Of course, that's what you get if you go to patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. for that. And they want a bit of bonus content. Of course, that's what you get if you go to patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. You put in some shekels and you are up for getting bonus little episodes either side of the real normal episode every Wednesday. You get bonus episodes

Monday, Fridays, which is some very sweet content we've got going on at the moment. Thank you very much to everyone who does that. Really, really do appreciate it. I do appreciate everyone that listens, but especially the people who monetize it. And of course, every week, we take it that one step further and we try and thank everyone one by one individually. People say to me, wherever I go, people say, when are you going to finish the podcast? When are you going to end it? Please end it.

And I say, no, I'm not ending it until we thank everyone that's contributed and then they just go no quit don't do the podcast anymore actually kill yourself and I'm like no I've made a commitment I'm going to thank everyone one by one why do you think I've you know I've burnt all this all this podcast money that we have between us on the unplanned title alternator it's my one goal in life to get through all the names and to thank everyone um for all that they've done for us yeah i've had people offer me money to stop doing it and it's like well where were you before we started patreon like back in the day like yes that would have been a terrific offer but now sadly these people came

along first and we owe them the honor of being read out on this show i couldn't live with myself if i left this business undone that would that would be a great business model if we every week were thanking the people who were paying us to stop doing the podcast but of course there's so many people doing it that we have to keep doing the podcast to thank everyone. Yep, yep, yep. Isn't that kind of what we do? Yeah, close enough. All right, let's open up the old UTA, the Unplanned Title Alternator this week. Gee whiz, I don't have a lot of time this week.

I've got to get running very soon to beat my curfew. I fell over last night as I was running and smashed my face into the ground so i'm looking forward to um to going and doing that again tonight hopefully the ghost of my face hitting the fucking bitumen will be haunting my little um 5k run um so maybe this maybe this this name read will just drag out for an hour and just make sure subconsciously that I'm scared of just fucking eating shit yet again and I'll accidentally just go too long. But you know what? I need to get fitter.

I need to keep up a fitness regime. So look, I'll say it right now. Let's only do five tonight. That'll make sure it won't drag out too long. I've got to get out in the next hour too. So yeah, I'm happy with just doing five or less if you want. Oh, look, I've said it. There's one thing about me you know.

It's that once I say something, I never, ever change it, ever. So let's just do the five, Tommy. Yeah, okay. Sure. Sure thing. Yep. All right. First up, thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Trudy Graham.

I'm calling it, Tommy. I reckon it's the first Trudy we've ever had. Maybe the only Trudy that's ever listened to this show. Maybe the only Trudy that's ever listened to any podcast ever. I'm going to go well above you on your statement. I'm going to just really shoot for the sky with my one. Podcasts versus Trudy. Mm-hmm. Yep.

Wow. This is a hell of a name. You've got a pretty, you know, we talk a lot about kind of elderly sounding names. Trudy's right up there as an old person name. But then backing it up, you've got another one of our favorites, the surname of a different gender and that also being a very old person name. If this person isn't 100 hundred or more years old then yeah i'm going to be very stumped yeah i'm doing the old look up on facebook trick um trying to find um if i can find any any particularly i can't even find anyone that's

obviously who this person is um so but i am finding a couple of younger looking trudys which you know is it stumping me a little bit i'm surprised i thought okay you know about 1963 they they called time on trudy and they stopped um naming anyone that so a little bit surprised i'm look i'm not seeing any 17 year olds i'll say that I'm not seeing any 17-year-olds. I'll say that. I'm not seeing any 12-year-olds. So there is a limit to the youth on the name. But a few surprisingly young Trudys. I really did think that's it, 50, 55 and over, that's it. But I don't see our Trudy Graham maybe, so I'm not sure.

Okay, you can't find her in the mix. Right. Well, I don't know for sure. What do you think of Graham? As a surname? It also was a first name, I guess, yeah. Look, much better surname than it is first name for sure graham graham's a bit of a graham's a bit of a you know oh i feel like when i hear graham i feel like this i'm hearing the

sentence why don't you ask graham yeah blame graham for that's like, oh, Graham's a bit of a dickhead. But Graham is a last name. Look, not too shabby at all. I'd be fine with it. I'd absolutely accept it. Yeah, when I was like in my early 20s, I was at the beach once with a friend and there was this woman there and her young – Nice, nice, nice.

I like this story already. Yeah. This kid would have been like, guess like three or so and he was in the you know the little showers that they have like near the like the little outdoor shower like at the edge of the sand and he was like rinsing himself off and he was dancing around under the water and his mom was american and she was calling out to him and he was just completely ignoring her. And this woman was just standing there for ages going, Graham, Graham, come on, sweetie. Come on, Graham.

Come on, sweetie. This went on for like five minutes and this kid just paying absolutely no attention. And me and my friend that I was with just loved it because it's like, first of all, it's just so funny, this woman having absolutely zero authority over her child. But then like we were laughing at that so hard that it took us until we walked off to go, who the fuck calls a child Graham?

Like, it was just such a bizarre thing to see. Like, to pluck that out of the ether was just mind-blowing. Yeah, it is a bit like, okay, your name is, you know, like tommy's a young name say tommy but but jim maybe jimmy you know and your name's jimmy but look it's you're 18 you're moving out of home you're going to university congratulations your name's graham now you can't have graham from 0 to 18 probably 0 to 30 really right it's like trudy it's like trudy yeah yeah there should be more names there should be more names like that you know what what about this what about this can we call that can we can we somehow hijack the term butterfly effect because at the moment you know

you're that's that's to describe you know halfway around the world a butterfly flaps its wings and that can have um the wind that comes off those wings can affect this and affect that and it goes halfway around the world. It can affect everything, right? But I more like the idea of the butterfly effect being the term for the way that, you know, say Graham is a name. That's the butterfly effect because you have Jimmy. You have Timmy as a name and that's basically the caterpillar.

And then when you get to 18, 20, 30, that caterpillar name sort of goes into the cocoon and then comes out as a butterfly called Graham. Like it's sort of the opposite. Instead of a beautiful butterfly, you've got this sort of shit name. But it is a metamorphosis over time is my point yeah what yeah what i was going to say was yeah we need more night because there's there's names like yeah like jonathan and when you're younger you can be johnny and then you

know you get a bit older and you want to seem more mature so you call yourself john but what we need more of is like on the birth certificate you go go, okay, this has just been born. The name is Buster until he turns 18. And then it's, yeah, it's Graham. Or you just give your child these names for like four, maybe four stages of life. So you have like young baby, that's a cute name for that. Then child, another cute name, then like teens, adulthood, then just like when you're a decrepit old cunt, you know, you're called fucking stinky or whatever. That's cool that like, you know, you have a baby and then people come around and see the baby and go, oh my God, what's his name?

Oh, his name's Kenny until he's, you know, until he's 40 and then he's Ernie of course but you know at the moment at the moment that's his name that's his baby name that's yeah that's such a cute name well good thing you got in when you did because let me tell you if you'd been here 30 years later I would have been introducing a very different baby to you yeah yeah baby name it's like baby teeth they they fall out at some stage and then you're grown up. Adult name. Your baby name falls out and you get your adult name. Yeah, I like it. I like it a lot.

And if we continue along with that, then when you get to like 60, 70, 80, your adult name falls out and you've just got no name and you have to have a false name. Yeah, don't mind it at all. You get another name in. Another name. Can happen sooner. Can happen sooner. Yeah. Don't mind it. Another name. Another name can happen sooner. Can happen soon. You can have an accident where you just lose your name and you have to have a

fake name from the age of like 40. Yeah. Yeah. You get your name knocked out when you go for a run and fall face first into the bitumen. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

Thanks Judy. I mean, Trudy. Thanks Trudy. Thanks Trudy. Thanks. Thanks Trudes. thank you very much to patreon subscriber paula nesta yeah that's that's right two girls in a that i mean look at one time i read a book about

how names come from what people used to do right i didn't put much worth in it but i'm starting to think about it now um now that is the classic female stereotype, the nester. There's the hunter and the gatherer and then the nester. This would be sick if Paula Nester was married to someone called Paul Hunter. Yeah. That would be... You just would spend your life looking for that name out there because that's not an absurd name, Paul Hunter. You'd be able to find one

of them if you really put your mind to it yeah you went on if you from 18 you went it's got to be this it just has to be this it's too funny not to not do so i'm just hunter is a good last name yeah exactly but there's a lot of them out there it's pretty common paula nesta that i mean that implies that of course that there's the father has the last name Nestor. So whatever his name is, let's say his name is Paul Nestor. At some stage, people have gone to him. Mate, you're supposed to be a hunter. You're supposed to be a gatherer.

Why are you the Nestor? What's happening? You're staying at home. You want your wife to go out there and just, like, fucking club brontosauruses and dragon back. What the – and it's like, you know, that's women's live for you, prehistoric ages. That's what that would have been.

Right. Right. So he's – but his surname's Nesta and then he gets married to a woman who he's also made a Nesta. It's like pretty lean – some pretty lean meals around at the Nesta house. Who's doing the hunting? No one. Yeah, but only

yeah but that's only because they married and she had to take his name i mean i don't know what her maiden name would have been i mean i'm assuming that they didn't marry relations and they're both natural nests if she had have been called hunter and then she takes the name nester and she's just like well you know my hands are tied well maybe that's maybe that's when people decided that inbreeding was not good because there was too many families called nesta where the husband and the wife were both called nesta they both stayed home they both starved to death because they were both nesters there was no hunters and people were like yeah we finally we finally found a reason that fucking your brother is no good yeah yeah yeah god this is a good podcast yeah yeah i'd listen to this we really break it down every week we really get into some

we really get into some hard truths i feel like some weeks we get the name and we go off on a tangent and those people are a little bit disappointed that we didn't really talk about their name at all what their name was john smith and that just made us think of a fucking picnic bars and then we'd go on about picnic bars for half an hour and we didn't really specifically talk about them but then we get an example like this where i think they wish we'd talked about picnic bars yeah where we're saying people in your family all fucked each other yeah yeah that were brother and sister a bit of morrow chat breaking that up yeah yeah exactly you are you are

um there's something radically wrong with you because very close siblings um did not use contraception did a big old route and it made you. Yeah, exactly. Well, thanks, Paula. Thanks, Paula. Not confirmed. Look, I'm not saying your parents did that, but back in prehistoric times, I'm saying, they definitely did that. Some of your ancestors definitely did.

Yeah, and look, back in prehistoric times, there's not much difference between normal people and inbred people, really. Everyone was dumb fucks anyway. It was probably pretty hard to tell. It was probably pretty much sideways on the evolutionary scale, really. Inbred and not inbred was very, very similar. So no biggie.

Don't panic. It's no big deal that you're definitely descended from inbred people. Yeah, you probably you probably didn't do it again you you personally probably haven't done it there's a big chance you haven't fucked a sibling or a cousin there's massive chance there's no like checkbox on patreon like have you ever yeah have you ever had carnal relations with someone in your family yeah we don't get that information. Yeah, yeah. Have you ever sucked off someone with the same surname that you have?

Patreon just doesn't ask that. Maybe we should ask that from now on. Maybe we should do that from now on. When you subscribe, send us a separate email that says yes or no, whether you've done that. I mean, I personally, I think it's high time that Patreon steps up and starts doing that. I don't think there's any reason that us or the listeners

should be doing any extra work here. It's frankly pretty irresponsible that they don't already ask. I mean, they're taking a cut. It's wild that they don't already ask that themselves. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right, you're right. They are taking their cut. The least they can do is put one little box, name, email, bankyard details.

Do you agree to be contacted by us for promotional services? Tick. Have you sucked off someone you grew up with? Tick. Yeah. I don't think that's out of this world. It's not out of this world. Yeah.

Thanks, Paula. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Nick Barbero or Barbero. Nick Barbero. Thank you, Nick Barbero or Nick Barbero. I've muffed it in some way, I think, but it just made me think of Hanna BarBarbera or Hanna-Barbara. Oh, wow. Nick Barbero.

Barbero. I'd prefer it if it was Barbero. Barbero would be pretty cool. But it's probably more likely Barbero. I don't know. I'm really torn. But I definitely think that it would be cool for him to hunt down a Hanna. If he could marry a Hanna and turn her into a Hannah Barbero,

that would be good. No, it needs to be Hanno. Hanno Barbero. Oh, easy. Easy. It's not enough that you're tracking down a Hannah to go, I want to be with you. Why?

Just because it would be funny with your name? It's like, why would it be funny? My name's Hanno, not Hanno. Oh, you're right. You're dumped. Yeah. And on he goes for Hanno. I wonder if there's anyone called Hanno in the world.

What do you think of Hanna-Barbera? As a company? Yeah. You know, they're – look, I loved them as a kid. It was pretty homogenous sort of stuff. They made a lot of – you know, there wasn't a lot of choice. When I was a kid, you're looking at Hanna-Barbera going, well, I don't even know there's an option.

They just make everything. So, look, it's a nice little – they make me feel a bit warm inside. Do they even make stuff anymore? That is a good question. I just looked up Hanno as a name. There was a famous navigator in the 5th or 6th century BC called Hanno the Navigator. Oh, wow. Okay.

Well, this guy needs to track her down. No, it was a hymn. Oh, it's a hymn. Well, you know. Yeah. Okay. Well, this guy needs to track her down. No, it was a hymn. Oh, it's a hymn. Well, you know. Yeah. Yeah. They are... Hanna-Barbera was ultimately absorbed into Warner Brothers Animation and Cartoon Network Studios, and as of 2020,

the company continues to act as the copyright holder for its catalogue with Warner Brothers handling production of new animation. So no. So not, yeah, so no, not really. They're not, there's no new Hanna-Barbera joints out there anymore. No. But yeah, big fan of the Flintstones back in the day. They really hit a goldmine there.

Do you remember for a while there, there was a big rumor that, or I think he was working on it and then it never got off the ground, that there was going to be a Flintstones reboot that Seth MacFarlane was working on. The Family Guy creator was going to make a new version of the Flintstones, which I reckon would have been fucking horrific. And I'm very glad that that didn't happen. Yeah, I mean, look, I agree with that, and the only reason I agree with that is because

he's never done anything that's any good, but that's all I'm basing that on. I did find that, I did find it interesting, Hanna-Barbera back then. At the same time, they had the Flintstones on and they had the Jetsons on. So they had a cartoon way back and a cartoon way in the future. Never had any present day cartoon. They just didn't even it out. They didn't have – Aren't all the rest of their – like all the rest of their stuff is present day, isn't it? Like McGilligurrilla and like –

Yeah, Top Cat. Fucking Hong Kong Phooey and Top Cat. They stuff is present day, isn't it? Like McGilligurrilla and like – Yeah, Top Cat. Hong Kong Phooey and Top Cat. They're all present day. But I like – the gimmick of Flintstones was, hey, it's back in the Stone Age. And the gimmick of the Jetsons is it's in the future. I would just like to have seen Hanna-Barbera try a cartoon where the gimmick is it's modern day.

And that's the entire gimmick that they do they're just like making jokes about you know instead of like you know having the the prehistoric the peridactyl you know being the the thing that they whack on its bum and it makes a big noise and that's quitting time at the stone factory they they just like and that they center on that as a joke the joke is the perceived joke is with the modern day sitcom is that they just you know go oh well i guess it's time to get in the car and drive down the street and then they just get in a car and drive down the street yeah because that's just like normal i'd be using my feet. It's a normal car. Yeah, and that's the pointed reference.

Like as much as like, you know, that old school reference is effectively the joke, just use a modern reference for what is effectively a joke. You just really signpost that you're using current day technology and try and use that as humour. Like you know how in the Flintstones and in the Jetsons, more common in the Flintstones, but I think the Jetsons did it a little bit that, you know, they'd be using an appliance and then they'd like, you know,

cut to a close up of the fucking pig doing the dishes who'd go like, it's a living or, you know, whatever it was. In your modern day version, they're still doing that. They're going to the close up, but of course it's an inanimate object it's not talking yeah so it's like why are they constant just like five second shots of the kettle not doing anything yeah yeah cut back to the action yeah you cut to the cut to the dishwasher and go oh well i best i i guess we better do the dishes and you see an x-ray of the dishwasher and it's just pumping water onto glassware. Yeah, you know, like Matt Groening,

I think he's said in interviews that he kind of came up with those characters as he was waiting to go into a meeting about it. He doesn't have some incredible story about the genesis of it or the idea that he had for it. The names of the characters are his family, yeah. They're his family, yeah, with the exception of Bart, I think. But if you were him, that just would be the greatest press quote for when you made that show.

It's like, where did you come up with this idea for The Simpsons? Well, you know, I used to watch a lot of Hanna-Barbera, and I'm thinking these guys, they've got one in the past, they've got one in the future. I'm thinking, I'm thinking, where's the present day show, guys? And that's where Big Matty G comes in with his brand new show, The Simpsons. That's great as a selling point where you go, your pitch is, I've got it, guys.

I'm doing a cartoon, okay? What's the angle? Well, I've thought of the two most successful cartoons at that point, which is Jetsons, which is Flintstones, okay? They're successful right you know what i combine them and they think oh fuck what are we going to get like dinosaurs in space this is going to be amazing and it's like no they've just averaged out the time frame and just put it in modern day and nothing else happens yeah yeah yeah yeah that's the angle yeah yeah and it's like and and because it's like you know the flint

stones sounds like you know like it's got stoned flint it's obviously to do with rock which is what they had back then the jetsons it's a jet you just have like a modern day reference as the the family you know in the in the in the 80s or whenever you pitch this. So it's like the normal wheels or the – you wouldn't call it normal. What would you call it? Yeah, well, what's the technological thing of the – yes, let's say the 80s. What's big? The colour televisions. The plastic-tons.

Yeah, the plastic-tons. Yeah, there you go. That literally would be it. You've just got Johnny Plastic-ton going out to work every day with the lunch pail. Yeah. Just going to an insurance agent or something. I might try and draw this up for the Patreon group on Facebook. Great.

Just a sketch, a concept sketch of if we were pitching the Plastic-tons back in 1981, if we were trying to head Hanna-Barbera off at the pass, what our modern family would look like. Just like if we had a Fed, how to make like a successful cartoon at that stage into a computer and it just came back. They go, right, we'll take the average time, place of the Jetsons, combine it with the average of the Jetsons, Flintstones and Jetsons, and then overall the year is 981.

Great. That's just – like that's not common sense. That's just using a computer to figure out what makes the most sense and then just, yeah, stage it all on that principle. Yeah. Well, thanks, Nick Plasticton. Thanks for inspiring a million-dollar idea that we're unfortunately 30 years too late to cash in on.

I think, you know, look, it would have been at its peak in 1981. I think in 2020 it might be like a $4,000 idea. I still think we might, you know, wring something out of it. Nothing to sneeze at. Yeah. We could, you know, the Plastic Sin still could be part of the Funny Fellas. Oh, yeah, okay. I don't mind this.

A little animated. Yeah. Robert Smigel TV Funhouse style. A little animated Robert Smigel TV funhouse style, a little animated salute in the middle of Funny Fellas. More like, you know,

more like The Simpsons in the Tracy Ullman show in that it's bound to be a massive smash hit and come out of it. The breakout. Yeah, the breakout

star of the Funny Fellas. The plastic tens. Right. Thanks, Nick. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Dean Mifsud. Mifsud. M-I-F-S-U-D. This name has always stumped me.

I've seen it around for years, not that often. Yeah, me too. But every time I see it, I go, what's happening? What's the story here? Right. Yeah, every time I've seen it, I've been convinced that it's – well, I've only ever seen it on like Facebook and stuff. And so I've been convinced that it's just a fake Facebook name or whatever.

It's like there's no way this can be this person's real name. Yeah. And it's a difficult one to say. That S and that S backing up against each other. It's rough. I always feel like it's someone trying to trick me. It's like, okay, what's this backwards? Duff, Duff Fim.

Oh, that's worse. That's not it. Duff Fim. I don't mind that at all. Duff Fim. Duff Fim. I prefer that. Yeah. that's not it. Dus-fim. I don't mind that at all. Dus-fim. I kind of prefer that. Yeah, yeah. Dus-fim. Well, it's not that. Yeah, I don't mind that.

Yeah, well, you want to workshop this guy's name and just turn it into... Are you happy with Dean as a name? If you want to change his last name to Dus-fim, what about Dean? Happy to leave that go? Yeah, I quite like like dean maybe that's just because um i was a big fan growing up of um uh uh what was it called the um the new was it the new

adventures of lois and clark the superman show that was on uh it was on tv and i think like the mid 90s and dean kain playing Clark Kent and Superman. Yeah. And from memory, it's TV drama back in the day where TV shows don't really have that great of a budget, so it's mostly centred around the relationship dynamics of Clark Kent and Wallace Wayne. Very little actual Superman-based action happening in that show.

Yes, yes, you're right, you're right. They did turn it into a bit of a Melrose Place type of thing. It was not action. It was – look, you know what? I mean, you would have been – well, you're much younger than me, but there was that – you know, of course, the Marvel superhero movies are like – they go off these days. They're the biggest thing.

But I remember, like I was into comic books as a kid, and my dream would have been back then, if I'd have thought things were going to end up like this, I would have been so excited. But back then you'd have movies about, they were desperate to make superhero movies, but the special effects were so fucking shit. Looked like shit.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's like, well, why bother? Don't even do it. Yep. So that was actually a wise idea to to um to go yeah what if clark kent didn't do anything interesting and just tried to hook up with a really hot chick instead speaking of old tv shows my dad texted me the other day to say that he just randomly saw the first ever episode of blue healers was on tv in the middle of the afternoon. Yeah.

And he caught it and he sat down and watched it. And he goes, his big takeaway was he goes, yeah, really well made show. And I've just got to say it really highlights the fantastic work that the police do in the community. It's like, boy, dad's really missed the memo of the sentiment of the last six months yeah also it's you know look it's pretty i guess it's obvious but like it just highlights the things they do in the community it's like well this isn't it's not real for starters and you know to me i

mean if you're gonna have your head on that, to me it would really highlight the amount of crime that happens in country towns. I would be watching that being fucking petrified. Exactly. Well, because Dad's a big fan of visiting country towns and stuff. So he's not going to allow himself to be like, oh, yeah, the big takeaway here is stay in the city. Don't ever venture into a rural area because you will get bashed and you know mugged so he you know he's got to come at

it from another angle because otherwise his whole life you will be destroyed right right right he doesn't he doesn't want to see that he he's he's sort of covering his ears going la la la la la with all the crime bit he's not actually watching watching any of that bit of it he's he's sort of covering his ears going la la la la la with all the crime bit he's not actually watching watching any of that bit of it he's he's probably getting your mum to like edit those bits out before he gets to watch it he's just seeing the community service bit he's just seeing policemen in the bar having like a shandy being nice to locals and then when someone gets murdered your mum your poor old mum's having to put one VCR on top of the other VCR, dub over it, put extra ads on.

Every night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, she's working pretty hard at the moment. She's a tutor. Dad's retired. And then she's got this extra project on the side of making his little Blue Heelers episodes that go for three minutes

because she's edited all the crime out. Yeah, that'd be good. Yeah, does he ever call them short films? Does he ever say that to you or does he ever call them – I watched that Blue Heelers Vine last night. Yeah. Did you – Yeah, yeah.

I love Blue Heelers on TikTok. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love Blue Heels on TikTok. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tom Croydon and the gang really going viral with their arrest this week. No, not with their arrest because the arrest would have been taken out with their, you know, checking up on someone's garden. You know, Tom's putting his head over a fence and going, oh, you won the rose growing competition again, Mrs Smithers. Yeah, just them all hanging out at the pub at the end of the day.

Another job well done. And the, like, jaunty theme with the ute driving around. That's like, what a wonderful, what a wonderful program. Yeah. For a quaint village. He's watched Pleasantville the same way that movie pleasantville you've just watched the first 15 minutes and your mum's like taped over the rest of it yep what a great show well thanks um fuck who the hell was that uh uh nick hannah barbara wait no no Dean Mifsud or Dean Dasvim.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Okay, one more to go. Yeah. And yeah, look, I have got approximately three minutes to get changed and then head out on the road. So thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. I'm just trying to read it here.

I can see it. Oh, can you? I can actually see it. You've done screen share by accident. Right, I have too. I have too. Yeah, right. Thank you very much to Arrivederci Comedy.

See you, mate. Thanks for subscribing. See you next week. Bye. See ya. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Live show on Zoom this Saturday. See ya.