The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 518 - Ross Noble & Guy Montgomery

Episode Date: September 2, 2020

This week we've got GUY MONTGOMERY joining us from New Zealand and ROSS NOBLE joining us from his museum of virginal pop culture artefacts. Chandler's webcam viewing habits once again get a grilling plus everyone spends an extraordinary amount time coaching Tommy on how to ask his neighbour for illicit substances. Unless this is being read by the police, in which case, that previous sentence is a joke. PLUS in Talking Dum Dum we put Tommy's potentially dodgy acting work from seven years ago under the microscope. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Ross Noble and Guy Montgomery. The Little Dumb Dumb Club is, of course, on Patreon. If you like hearing the show for free every week, you can subscribe and get two bonus episodes every week, can't you, Carl? You sure can, Tommy. So listen up the back end for Talking Dumb Dumb and a lot more detail about that, plus some exciting news about us and a new little platform we're on as well. A new business venture. So stick around for Talking Dum Dum at the end of this episode.

But until then, enjoy this brand new one with great guests, Guy Montgomery and Ross Noble. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and with me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, Dickhead. We've got two very special guests today, so let's welcome them into the show. We have Guy Montgomery and Ross Noble. Yes.

Hello. Hello, hello, hello. Hi. I've just, I know this is an audio medium, but you three are all wearing almost matching hats. Yeah, yeah. Whereas I haven't, I feel slightly left out now. It's the way that I can tell which one's you, Ross.

That's what's helping. Now Ross in his bowler hat has reduced himself to total anonymity. Yeah, it's like he's camouflaged his head. We're respectively supporting the different institutions in which we believe. For Tommy, that is Indie Filmhouse A24. For Carl, that is the recently heavily asterisk-marked Premier League-winning Liverpool. Shut up.

Shut up. That's his hairline. And for me, it's a nameless orange sort of polyester wool blend. Well, I can go Indiana Jones if you wish. Oh, very nice. Indiana Jones. Well, you've got an Indiana Jones hat. You've got a gremlin in the background. Yeah. What are the 80s? Yeah. Have you got any other memorabilia from things I really liked in 1984 there?

So I've got, that's a replica of the original Gremlin puppet. That's a mogwai just there. Oh, there's another mogwai just here. That is a mask from a film that I made. I designed that and we managed to keep the creature in one piece afterwards. So I just went, I'm having that and I nicked it. And then what have I got? Oh, look, there's a picture of me uh as a centaur that's what that one is that what else from that classic movie um from the classic movie somebody that came to my show

has got too much time on their hands i was just going to say once you're finished ross hopefully carl can walk us through the very grim reflection on his wardrobe mirror which is two artless walls and an unmade bed. So that's all original they're all original Gremlins toys there, those ones

that is the only that is the only Polish the only sign that is the only uh polish put the only signed polish version of young frankenstein there that's well you're in for a surprise ross because i might just reach into my cupboard and no i don't have one good good good right you nailed it good luck because i've checked and then that there is a signed picture of Evil Knievel, but get this right, that used to belong to Russell Crowe. Wow.

Okay. Say this, Ross, there is so much pristine pop culture, miscellanea and memorabilia there, the only thing missing from your back wall appears to be your pristine unused penis you massive virgin i was gonna say if you whip the camera around there's a model train set just to the left outside of frame i wouldn't be shocked at all yeah i'll i'll put a thousand dollars on there

being no female fingerprints on anything in the room at the moment i'll uh i will point out the fact that i do have a wife she is uh she is in a separate building she's in a different glass frame yeah she doesn't she is not she does not come in here and all of my things are very much i tell you what look at this i've got this as well that well. That's an original costume from the movie Battlefield Earth. Holy shit. That's classic. Hell yeah. Sorry, Ross, but this feels like what's been happening very lately on my Facebook,

which is I found friends that all of a sudden are starting to talk about 5G, and I'm like, oh, no, I've got this sinking feeling in my stomach. Are you a Scientologist? What's going on here? No, I'm just a fan of very, very bad films, you know, and good films as well. I've got some Bruce Campbell stuff there. What have I got back there?

Yeah, I've got a whole, I don't know if you can see that, that's a whole alcove there of, they're all knitted dolls that people have made of me. Oh. Yeah, so that's not at all weird. Man, I'm wrapped. This is like the first episode we've ever done where my apartment isn't the nerdiest part of the podcast. Like, this is such a relief.

This is such a relief to have the masturbatorium off the hook for just one episode. I'm feeling pretty good about my American Psycho bedroom looking a lot better as well. There's a pair of limited edition Walking Dead sneakers. Hell yeah. Wow. Yeah. Hell yeah Wow Yeah It's quite

I've got some I've got quite a lot Of gremlins there And I've got a pile Of I've got some Mork and Mindy Mork and Mindy toys

Do you know I was going to say Ross It looks like I was about to say It looks like You've got a collection That's worth a lot of money

And then I stopped myself And went Is it worth any money I really can't tell Whether that's worth a lot of money. And then I stopped myself and went, is it worth any money? I really can't tell whether that's junk or good. Well, here's the delightful thing about it, right, is that now whenever I come into this office, I mean, obviously, some of this, you know, like these, I've got a signed picture of Laurel and Hardy over there.

And that signed picture of Laurel and Hardy over there and that signed picture of Laurel and Hardy used to belong to Robin Williams and that is worth a lot of money. I thought you were going to say that was a signed Laurel and Hardy picture but it was signed by Russell Crowe. I've got

the thing that says it used to belong to him. But no, the Robin Williams, why did he get rid of it? Yeah, he got rid of it because he died. Right, okay, okay. Yeah. So, yeah. Guy, I don't know if you know the phrase,

you can't take it with you when you're gone, but that's why Ross has it. Do you put much thought into the interior design of this room? Because I do like that the Laurel and Hardy picture has been hung immediately next to the Mogwai. You know, are you really thinking these kinds of decisions through or is it just anything can go anywhere? You know, I'm sort of a little bit limited. This is a bit smaller than my last office, so I've sort of been a bit limited in space. But what this is, this is basically, this is a delightful, I like to think of it as a sort of a delightful memorial

to when I used to have a job. Because, you know, it was that thing of like, I've always said, like, you know, for whatever it is, for 30 years now, I've always, like, I earned always said, like, you know, for whatever it is, for 30 years now, I've always, like, I earned a living, then I earned a nice living, and then I earned the sort of living where I could just buy shit that I didn't need, and then this happened, and that all went away. So, yeah, so it's a delightful sort of, yeah, it's all, I just think it's a delightful reminder of the stupidity,

buying Battlefield Earth costumes, going, oh yeah, I'll always have loads of money. And then you go, oh no, these theatres aren't opening again. This could be a massive problem. I guess what you're trying to say, Ross, is for anyone who is feeling a bit left out that they can't see this room for themselves on the podcast now, if things don't open up in the next

few months, they could be seeing this entire room of yours on Facebook Marketplace in the near future. 100%. Absolutely 100%. All of this stuff will be sold. It actually feels like we're on the set like you're the prize girl on the set of a really nerdy sale of the century

or something like that. This is the gift shop. This is what you could possibly win. I was told that we only had about an hour to record because Ross has several media obligations outside of this podcast. I didn't realize those media obligations were hawking the detritus of a wasted life. Yeah.

No. No, 100%. Yeah. Ross has got an eight-hour interview with Fangoria coming up. life. Yeah. No. No, 100%. Yeah. Ross has got an eight-hour interview with Fangoria coming up. So, yeah. I was thinking about you the other day, Ross, because, yeah, you're in Victoria where people are in lockdown and, you know, obviously, like, comedians are all kind of dealing with this new lockdown, you know, varying degrees of insanity.

But I was remembering earlier in the year, I did a gig with you in January, and you had just moved to a new place where you were telling me that you had built, and I'm probably getting the specificity of it wrong, but you just built like a dirt bike track or something out the back of your new property that you'd moved to, and you were telling me about hooning around your new place on a motorbike.

And I was like, I think Ross is probably doing fine. If he's able to be chucking some sweet doughies in the backyard on a ramp that he's made himself, he's probably managing isolation okay. You know what? I'll be honest with you. Apart from the stress of having a year's worth of work cancelled and all of the people that rely on me for that. Apart from that, yeah, we just moved to this new place. It's a farm and it's got loads of space.

So in terms of the actual, you know, losing your mind sort of thing doesn't bother me because I've been loving it. It's just fantastic i don't have to go out we've got chickens they're providing enough eggs to live on uh you know we've got our own vegetables and stuff here we've got um you know everything can be delivered my wife does a shop and i never have to go out it's yeah i've got loads of space i can go bike riding i take a guess go on can i take a guess ross the dirt bike did that used to belong to steve mcqueen that's right that's absolutely it's absolutely right way too much money for it um so yeah so i just you know so i can uh i yeah so there's no

there's no actual quality the only difference now between my life before is the fact that now I just don't, I just don't have, I just feels like I'm on holiday. But what we did do was we, um, we thought that we'd rather cleverly, we bought this sort of, the house is like a shitty old 1960s farmhouse.

And we thought, Oh, let's do like a bit of a grand designs. Let's try and let's turn it into like an amazing house we'll only have to live in it for a year wrong so yeah so we so we we moved from a big fancy house with all the mod cons where our kids had like you know loads of indoor space now they've got loads of outdoor space but yeah we're basically um it's all a bit rustic so that's so i i don't mind the situation but it's it's a bit it's not ideal we're sort of um yeah i didn't

realize ross i thought you know i i was pretty aware that you were locked down me and tommy are locked down i thought let's get guy in he's in new zealand he can live life for us i didn't realize guy was locked down as well i was like fuck i'm banking on guy to just give us experience of what it's like to walk down the street after eight o'clock at night and now we've got nothing yeah i was actually uh scrolling back through our previous correspondence before you kindly messaged me uh 24 hours ago to say do you want to do the podcast and it was actually correspondence from when I wasn't in lockdown, and it was you asking the same question

and me essentially telling you to go fuck yourself because I've got a life to live. Well, well, well, look who's come crawling back. Yeah, crawling into my Zoom login to enjoy a sort of slightly delayed connection with several people I know and don't know. That's it.

Just into making the call and then having to renew the Zoom subscription. Just like, hello again, old friend. Just blowing the ice off the webcam. I feel really bad for like, you know, the first time we all got locked down, Zoom Party got an absolute hammering in terms of apps and then it sort of went away. And then second lockdown, I don't reckon anyone's still gone back to Zoom party. It's like even with everyone locked inside,

Zoom party is fucking gone. You mean house party? House party, sorry, house party, yeah. Yeah, no. Well, that says it all. People can't even remember the fucking name of it. Yeah, the branding's gone ass up. I think the real victim in all of this

is poor old Lord Skype, you know, the inventor of the Skype app, you know? Because, you know, he was living it large, wasn't he? It was like, you know, he lived there in Skype manor with all his Skype, fancy Skype cash, you know? Every single room had a monitor in it. He never had to meet his family it was just he was just skyping away and then like this thing come round and he's butler's

come in and gone oh lord skype you're never gonna believe this is uh this is coming down the line and he hasn't he hasn't kept on top of it zoom's come in poor old skype he's out the back now he's you know i think lord i think think Lord Skype got what he deserved. Do you think so? He's devastated and he's got a room full of merch from Back to the Future 3. Yeah, exactly. Batteries not included and stuff going,

I thought I had money to afford this stuff. To my eyes, Lord Skype is someone who developed a world-beating, groundbreaking technology and was so self-satisfied they surrounded themselves with you know monitors and cameras so they could look at their reflection through their software and it never occurred to them that anyone else was working on the same fucking thing and so they've just spent so long gazing into their own eyes and i do always feel bad when money comes out of bill gates pocket you know i know that the the gates family traditionally

are pretty hard up for it so my thoughts go out to both bill and melinda gates and their various different philanthropic endeavors as i'm sure the fucking well is running dry his his skype is is was that bought by microsoft was it yeah big time oh i did not i did not know that but you know what he's so busy funding this uh he's so busy funding the old vaccine and all that, trying to save the world, he's not being in the office as much as he should be. That's his problem. Yeah, that's it.

That's it. Have either of you guys caught yourself doing any, like, any things that you found yourself doing in isolation that you, you know, you think you're going okay, and then you catch yourself in a moment and you go nah this is proof of me unraveling like i fucking lost it because i had a big one of them in the first lockdown and then i've had a pretty clear one uh in the second one but go on what's what's your well i was on the phone the other day um ordering something and i had to i was talking to an operator and then I had to put my credit

card in. And so I got put through to like the automated thing where it, you know, it's like a, you know, it's a pre-recorded voice and you put, it says, put your number in on the keypad and then push hash. So I do that. And then the voice comes back on, the automated voice comes back on and says, I'm sorry, we didn't quite catch that. Can you try that again? And so I do it again. And then the operator comes back on the line and then the operator comes back on the line the human operator comes back on the line and goes hey are you doing it are you are you putting the numbers in and i'm like yeah i'm putting them in and she's like because nothing's showing up on our end and this had already been a very frustrating call and i just start i just go off like it's rare

for me to snap on the phone but i just go off i'm like i'm fucking doing it i'm pressing the buttons i don't know what to tell you i'm pushing, I'm fucking doing it. I'm pressing the buttons. I don't know what to tell you. I'm pushing them. I'm putting them in. It's not my fucking fault your system's not reading it because I'm doing all the right stuff from my end. And then I look down at my phone and I'm not in the keypad. I'm not putting the number in on the phone.

Somehow I've gone into the address book of my phone and I'm trying to put my credit card number in as a new contact on my phone and I'm trying to put my credit card number in as a new contact on my phone like sheepishly get back on the line and like backpedal and go oh look oh nah nah put me through again I've just worked out what's happened like you know not not game enough to say yes I fucked it I'm sorry for yelling at you just the coward's way like nah I've worked it out I've worked out what's what's going on So yeah, I'm all good now. I've worked out how to fix the problem that is definitely occurring on your end.

And then later on, later on you drunk dialed fucking Dinah's Club on your own card. Yeah, I've now got as a contact in my phone my credit card number twice. Just so, like 24 numbers with a hash two times in there. So, yeah, that was a very clear corner for me to turn to go. Well, I've been talking a lot, you know, over the years on the podcast about I've got this bad habit of I love a good Thailand webcam because I love going to Thailand, so every Sunday night or so, I will put on a webcam down the street of Koh Samui and just have a bit of a look at places I like to go. And I might watch it for 10, 15 minutes or whatever.

It's weird. It's a bit weird, but that's what I'll do. Anyway, in lockdown, I've been watching it every night for probably three hours. So I'll get on the couch and just watch surveillance tv have a few drinks and just last night i was watching it for three four hours and i was like actually you know what i'm doing i'm not even missing thailand anymore i think i'm just watching people who are outside i think that's all i'm in for at the moment yeah it's the most grim low production value borderline legal version of VR that you can render in your artless, posterless,

photo-less fucking home. Yeah, maybe I should just buy a poster. Maybe I wouldn't be so into the webcams if I just had something on the wall. Maybe you could supplement your income by working as a security guard because they would have lots of different cameras. You know, occasionally you'll get maybe like a homeless person

or something nip round near the loading dock and you'll be like, oh, aye, aye. You don't have to leave. You just get on a thing and say person in sector four. round near the loading dock and you'd be like oh aye aye you know you don't have to leave you just get on a thing and say person in sector four the risk is that you know that's when you when you turn a hobby into a profession you lose a lot of the passion for it and you know it sort of it becomes a bit of a gray area and it's a shame to take away something which is at the moment just pure pleasure as soon as you monetize anything it's's an obligation. Yeah, yeah. Look, I don't want to get to a point where I'm watching CCTV and going,

oh, boring. You know, it's a real exciting love for me at the moment. Was it a thing? I don't know if it was a thing. Certainly in the UK in the 90s when they first brought in like cctv there was a there was quite a roaring trade in vhs tapes of cctv um they were called like be you know before you had all these like motorway cops and all of these sort of shows they were called like caught on camera and they were they were basically just clips of stuff that had happened on security cameras,

but they were sold as VHSs because that sort of shit wasn't on telly or on the internet all the time. Was that a thing? A little bit, I think. A little bit. I don't doubt that it would have been a thing. In New Zealand, at least from my perspective, I think it's less of a cultural difference

and more of perhaps a timeline difference in that I was alive at a point that people weren't spending money on VHSs of security footage. We had one of Pammy and Tommy Lee. Is that one? I don't know how secure that was, but there was a great one. I don't know how secure that was, but there was a great one.

And it was, it was, it was, I had one, I think it was called Courting the Act or something like that. And it was very serious voiceover artists. And he went, and what it was, was it was a, there was like a flasher in the street and some school girls. And this, a little bit bit it was a different time and um he's right in 2020 he loves it either way i love that retro stuff and he said uh he said the the voiceover just goes uh look at this sick individual exposing himself to these school girls and he goes uh he says uh but now thanks to cctv you can pity or despise him from the comfort of your own home

and then and you saw this fella and he's flashing like that. And he goes, at first the girls do not notice. But once they do, egged on by bravado and peer pressure, they attack him with silly string. And it's, you know, silly string. It's called silly string, right? So they've gone into a shop, they bought some silly string, and they just silly stringed him, right? But the fact that this guy was the voiceover just they attacked him with silly string and he put a gap between the silly and the string and that's ruined silly

silly string for me now whenever you know if we say oh i'm having a bit of a party i'll buy a fun item and you know an amusing an amusing item for the children. And every time I go into a joke shop and I think, oh, I'll just get the kids some of that and some of that. I wonder if they'd like some silly string. You know, it's ruined it. It's incredible. What is the amount of sort of this, you know, this miscellaneous dandruff that we have just in our brains,

just permanently embedded inside of ourselves. I remember the lyrics to so many songs from the 90s that I would love to bury. But just, I have whole verses in songs and there's so much stuff I don't know. It's just a waste of space in there. It's incredible to think that, like how old were you when you were watching this VHS?

I was 35 no i was uh i was probably about 18 19 something like that but i used to do that all like i i used to be sorry i was gonna say i was reminded just before there's a jingle in uh like i lived in ballarat 20 years ago and i remember the entire lyrics lyrics of the jingle for a shop called the Chicken and Seafood King. I could do it underwater, but I don't know my wife's phone number. But it's funny, isn't it? There's a lot of adverts like that. Do you remember there was one for Kit Kat, which was like this guy in the Deep South,

and he was working on a car, and for some reason I just memorized that. for Kit Kat, which was like this guy in the deep south and he was working on a car. And for some reason I just memorized that. He went, oh dear, I've been picking my eyeballs all morning and I'm heading for some bigger and bigger on Death Fly. No darn chicken, he kissed for good. Passes the AAA overhead manifold, sprocket, speak English, boy. That was the whole thing in there. Just went in.

What's this Deliverance-inspired Kit Kat ad that they were... It was a weird adverb, but, you know. And then there was... What am I trying to think? Well, things like, you know, like this Street Hawk, you know, Jesse Mack, an ex-motorcycle cop injured in the line of duty, now rides an all terrain attack motorcycle known as street talk,

capable of immense speeds, which are 300 miles per hour and incredible firepower. Only federal agent, Norman Tuttle knows the tridentity of Jesse Mac, the man, the machine, do, do,

do, do, do street talk. That's in there. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I know. I know what you mean, guys. I, uh, I can still remember the chorus to tiny dancer and that song's like 40 years old. So it's just amazing.

Things can just be stuck in there for a very long time. I was just going to say, I've always struggled to really place myself inside of the chorus to Tiny Dancer. And this is, I guess, I didn't realize until I was talking to a little man such as yourself, Tommy, the key ingredient that was missing. The value of being a small person is being able to enjoy that music.

Without a laugh, it just sounds awfully mean. I don't follow. I'm sorry. I really don't follow. It's six foot two whenever Tiny Dancer comes on. I think, get it out of here. Where's my song? Yeah, right, right. know yeah right right yeah okay yeah

yeah yeah tough that's why that's why i connected with it so much when i heard i was like finally a song for us yeah yeah that's bernie taupin bernie taupin where's your where's your theme song to the big and tall store yeah you're right um there's my my kids had a um they had a plastic schnauzer a little plastic schnauzer and I would whenever I picked it up again just

that's why that song's ruined for me is I used to when they were very small I used to hold it right in their faces and go hold me close a tiny schnauzer right in their faces and go, hold me close to tiny schnauzer, right in their face. And then they, every time they hear that song,

if it comes on in the car, they sing it, but they don't sing dancer. They sing tiny schnauzer. And that's going to be, that's going to, because I've got this thing where I'm basically, I'm setting like jokes, which will pay off when they're in their late teens, early twenties, where they go, you bastard. So, you know, because whatever you tell your kids, obviously they believe you.

So that's a bonus. That just sort of reminds me of this crazy guy I knew growing up. It reminds me a bit of that setup where this crazy guy I knew used to just like have pets but blow marijuana smoke in their faces non-stop to try and make insane animals. That sort of sounds a little bit like what you're doing with your kids. I mean, I see what you're saying. Animal cruelty versus a bit of fun with you. They're just going to have a warped perception of reality, maybe, is what my point is. Hey, just quickly, speaking of that, Carl,

I just want to ask you something. This is something I wanted to bring up. This kind of does segue into it quite nicely. So for Guy and Ross, so I live in an apartment building and in pretty close contact. I've got a neighbor directly above me and we've both got balconies, her balcony is like right on top of mine and pretty frequently. Sorry to interrupt. Are you in your main living area now?

Yes. Right. I do like the proximity of the washing machine to the dining table. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's pretty nice. For spillage. I mean, if you like that from a safe distance, you can only imagine how much Tommy enjoys that functionality

in the day-to-day life he lives. I mean, think of it. Like sometimes I won't eat spaghetti because I think, oh, it's going to be a walk, isn't it? But you're on it. Tell you what, the number of times I've spilt sauce down myself during dinner and just whipped the shirt off at the dinner table, bundled it up into a ball and just chucked it straight into the washing machine.

If you get yourself rubber plates, Tommy, you don't need a dishwasher or a sink or anything now. You can just chuck that in the washing machine with the clothes. I reckon that's a goer. It's pretty funny to be that lazy but then not just be eating over the sink. Like to be lazy enough to want to do that but still also going out to get a specific type of cutlery. That would be good if you had that all combined into one thing so you're like, oh, I don't mix the colours.

I'm not going to put my blue cup in with my white T-shirt. That would just be fucking crazy. T-shirt will be blue. It'll be cup stand. When I first moved to London, myself and my flatmate, who, I mean, we were pigs. And both of us got so sick of the washing up that I said, look, let's go and buy paper plates and we'll just eat

off we'll just eat off paper plates but we didn't realize is when you run out of paper plates you need to go and get more paper plates so it got to the point where we had we were washing paper plate because we couldn't be asked to go and get at one point i And at one point I tried to use a paper plate to strain some pasta and that didn't go well. I ended up with a handful. Oh, my God. Sorry, I interrupted you. You live in a flat.

There's someone above. No, not at all. There's someone to the side. Someone above me. And so, yeah, her balcony is on top of mine. And pretty regularly during isolation i've been out on my balcony hanging up washing and i've been able to quite clearly smell that she is engaging in some sex sweet her oh sorry in the that's a hell of a technique if i'm able to smell that from an apartment downstairs.

I'd love to know what's going on to create that scenario. But my question is, you know, we're locked down, so every now and then I can smell her having a bit of a smoke on her balcony. Given that it's locked down and it's isolation and everything, I mean, I run into this person every now and then outside, like in the car park and stuff. Do you think it is too rich of me to knock on her door and offer her a little bit of money, like try and buy some off her?

Is that appropriate for an apartment living situation or not? I mean, I might speak for myself and I could be way out of line here, but my approach would be to time your balcony trips and just like there's a real humanity to the situation right now. Like as someone who knows people who smoke pot and has never done it myself, I understand that there is a mutual empathy and affinity amongst those who do.

So you time a trip out to the balcony simultaneously and you say, hey, it is literally impossible not to notice due to our very convenient and confined living quarters. And might I say, how convenient is it to have the washing machine so close to the dining table? I would like to apologize for putting that on after 8 o'clock at night. I know that the vibrations. But if you're ever in a situation where you perhaps had an excess of this illegal drug weed,

perhaps you could drop some down to a fellow like me as someone who doesn't have the means to access it. as someone who doesn't have the means to access it. I think you're well within, I think I would go for the sort of humanity neighborly aspect first, and then if that fails, reduce it to a business transaction. But I think you're within the lines the whole way. Ordinary decorum is out the window, man.

Everyone's just getting by. I like the idea that on the balconies, right, in London, everyone's getting out every night in London and doing a minute of clapping for the NHS, and then in East Melbourne every night there's people fucking doing bongs out on the balcony. Why don't you just get a hosepipe and then just like... Why don't you kill yourself?

Oh, no, sorry. Go on. Get the horse pipe. Throw it over the balcony and just say, plug me in. Plug me into the barn. Well, that's what I thought Guy was suggesting. That's what I thought Guy was suggesting when he said go outside. I thought it was going to be some like real tight ass suggestion where you're like, go out, get a funnel and just kind of like angle that up onto her

balcony and you just attach the rest and it is like sucking in the second hand smoke from her balcony. From conversations with people who are familiar with smoking weed, I don't think that that would be a sort of an efficient enough means to ingest the drug. In my limited experience

in talking to people about it, what you really want to do is get your hands on the stuff and suck it into your own lungs. Right, right. I'll tell you what, good luck. Good luck to any police listening to this podcast trying to nail down the fact that Guy Montgomery has ever smoked marijuana. Good luck.

Do your best, cops. I can't help but notice that Carl and Ross haven't specified that they have the same kind of limited experience as Guy, so I can only assume that you guys are just both massive bong heads that are probably high right now. No, you know why? Because we don't hang out with bad types like Guy does. We don't associate ourselves with absolute criminals like Guy Montgomery does. So long as we are all here and discussing things with each other, I would like to distance myself from pedophilia entirely.

each other i would like to distance myself from pedophilia entirely the thing the thing that you've said though is that which i think we should take just from a practical health and safety point of view is you've already said that the balcony is above your balcony it's not adjacent it's above and the problem with that is is is you in order to get her attention, you're going to have to, she's going to have to lean over the balcony quite a long way to have any sort of communication. And if she's somebody who is somewhat hampered by her use of recreational drugs, you could potentially kill a woman.

Oh my God. You see what I'm saying? So, as Winch... Which would be devastating, but if Ross's, you know, logical progression in terms of how he interprets the death of people and the opportunistic way that that happens

means that, yes, you would have blood on your hands. Yes. But you'd also have a shitload of excess weed and potentially something previously owned by Robin Williams in your apartment. I disagree. And having all that free weed there,

having all that free weed, you know, the perfect crime. I mean, it's not like the cops are going to be visiting that place anytime soon, not with like a dead woman on the ground out the front of your house or anything. So you should be absolutely fine. She's not, again, let's look at the balcony.

She's not going to fall from her balcony onto his balcony. She's going to fall past his house to the floor. Are you on the first floor and she's on the second floor? Are you on the ground floor? I'm on the first floor. Why did you have to think about that? Well, because it's kind of, because Carl's been here,

it's kind of like a weird thing. Like I am on, I'm basically on the ground of this bit, but then I'm above street level, even though I'm the first level of this particular bit. There is sort of like a bit of trench action with the balcony. With entering the house, you're sort of ground level, but outside the balcony, I understand the confusion from Ross, but I also understand the confusion from Tommy

as to how he lives where he lives. So there's stairs. Are we talking, is there some stairs? And then what's under you then? If you're ground floor but not, what's beneath you? There's a car park. Car park's under me. And if I look over my balcony,

I'm looking into the alleyway behind my house. Right. So if you fall off the balcony, if you fall over my balcony, I'm looking into the alleyway behind my house. Right. So if you fall off the balcony, you will go to the underground car park level and hit the ground there. I'd be in the alleyway. I'd be in the alleyway. I'd survive, though. I'd survive the fall.

The whole architectural layout sounds like Carl Chandler's CCTV dream. If he came over, he could sit in one corner of the balcony for 15 minutes and enjoy the car park and another for the alleyway. Is this person... I mean, I'm now utterly... I'm fascinated by you urban dwellers, you know, because, you know...

You bought a farm this year! I knew this would get Ross once. it was a second story involved it's like oh what's it like oh god i mean like uh you know i mean every now and again we might have uh every now and again we can see uh we can see maybe people that the um normally you would see the workers being bussed in to work in the adjacent winery to us you see them in the field because of the corvids there's been nobody in that bottom field so that's you know in that that's it's a different it's a different world get onto the webcam that's what i say i can set you one up it must be there must be a webcam

in france or something that you could replicate the experience, I bet. Oh, yes. Wait till Carl finds out about TV shows and movies, which are like webcams with stories carefully inserted inside of them. They're like webcams where they change locations every, like, three minutes. It'd be too much for him.

Yeah, I mean, I hate reality shows because they're like webcams that sold out. It's like, nah, this has been rigged up a little bit. People keep getting in the way of the him. See, yeah. I mean, I hate reality shows because they're like webcams that sold out. It's like, nah, this has been rigged up a little bit. People keep getting in the way of the view. Down in front. I'm trying to see this garden. Get this bachelor out of here.

Is this woman, this woman that lives above, right, that we need to know some information here, right? First thing we need to know is is this individual somebody who uh potentially could be uh a romantic i mean i don't want to get you in trouble she might be a regular listener but um is she somebody that that potentially if you were to get to know her, could be something of a romantic interest. No. Oh. But Tommy does have a girlfriend.

But before that, Tommy, you did live in the house before that and you probably knew of this girl before that. Could she possibly have been that? Did you think of that in any way back before then? And we know this is a safe space because surely no one's partner has listened to this podcast yes and also just write her out of 10 tommy just so we know yeah i don't know that i don't it did cross it that idea did cross my mind when i moved in because i've never been i've never been in that kind

of situation of living in an apartment building. If television shows are to be believed, all sorts of hilarious misunderstandings and sexual dalliances are sure to follow. Because it seems like it's more trouble than it's worth, right? I don't know that there'd be too many people out there that have had that experience that would say, yeah, it's completely hassle-free.

It was great. Are you joking? If that's the approach you take to potential romantic relationships, like, I don't know if you've ever experienced a breakup, but, you know, forming a connection or having sex with anyone is listed with risk. Yeah, that's true. And it's also very much offset with the amount of free drugs that you would be receiving.

So yes. Due to her upstairs hydroponic setup that you speak of. But like, so have you ever been in the flat? Have you ever commuted? Because what I'm saying is that if you were to say get like a long pole or piece of dowel with a post-it note on the end and just maybe just feed that up so it just says hey i've smelt what you're up to um you know i'm i'm i'm down here like let, let's push on. Or I'll phone the police.

Yeah, well, what about that? What about that instead? Why don't you put a big net out the side of your balcony, play some sort of police sound effect, some sirens, whatever. She rushes out onto the balcony, chucks all the drugs out. You've got the big net there. Boom. All of a sudden it's Cheech and Chong and Dasolo.

Also, to safeguard that, you should probably break into her apartment and put some sort of net in the toilet. And you probably want to put cameras all around the house as well just to make sure you don't miss where she buries the stash. Yeah, that was going to be my next point, that traditionally if somebody hears the police, they tend to go for the toilet rather than, oh, my God, you know, there's old El Chapo there. And he's like, the police are here.

Throw it out the window. And they're straight out the window. Well, again, through the open window of the passenger seat of the police car. Again, I guess I never learned anything from my church group about this sort of behavior. So, yeah. Once again, you've incriminated yourself and the people you hang around with, everyone. Yeah, so, okay.

So, you think I go out there when I, if it's a nice day, if I can hear her on the balcony, go out there, and if I can smell it, then I, you think what? Like, send a note up there? You don't even need and if i can smell it then i you think what like send a note up there you don't even need to be able to smell it have you had like when you have your your run-ins do you are you do you say hang on hang on guy you say you don't even need to be to smell it so what you're proposing that tommy just goes out onto his balcony and starts yelling, hey, have you got drugs up there? No. You go up. Almost exactly. I think you walk up the half a staircase to the next,

whatever weird, like, labyrinth-style set up. Whatever Asher painting that Tommy lives in, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I walk downstairs, and then I'm up on the second level. Exactly. Dance, magic dance. And then you knock on the door. here's the here's the thing right you're gonna be wearing a mask anyway right so you put your mask on you knock on the door when she opens the door if she panics because there's

a masked man there and throws the drugs at you, you take them, you leave. If she doesn't panic, you just say, hey, I'm your neighbour, right? So she could panic, here's my drugs, please don't rob me, right? Or, you know, please don't hurt me. And then you're wearing your mask. Or she looks and she goes, oh, it's my neighbour wearing a mask. What can I do? What can I do for you?

And you say, well, listen, listen, obviously the smells, you know, you've infused my flat and I was just thinking I very much enjoy similar pastimes. Maybe we could be puff buddies, you know? Oh, puff buddies. Puff buddies, yeah. Again, I'm very happily spoken for, Ross. I don't want there to be anything more with this. I want to keep this strictly as a professional arrangement.

Tommy, you're overestimating Ross's estimation of your sort of sexual charisma. It sounds to me like Ross is proposing a pretty platonic exchange. Me too. I don't know what Tommy's hearing. I felt like I had to say that out loud because my girlfriend is here in the apartment with me. So I just want it on the record that these gentlemen that are coming through my headphones are just trying to get me to have sex with my neighbour and I simply refuse, guys. I thought Tommy's brain is like he's the apartment building

at the moment where everything's fucking upside down. I'm like, what are you talking about? Could you maybe, maybe, like just say like, so when you inevitably develop this relationship, right? And it's not, just when this does happen, right? You're at it again, baby.

You should hear the filth that is coming through the Zoom call. I'm close to hanging up. When it goes in, Tommy, wear protection is what Ross is saying. All I'm saying is, right, that what you need to do, right, is because of the sexual chemistry that is clearly on display here, right, I think you make it quite clear to her at the start, look, we're going to take drugs together, and yes, I am prepared, out of the goodness of my heart,

to service you in a sexual manner, right? But in order to keep it, you can't, obviously, because you've got a girlfriend, you can't be going upstairs and doing all sorts of stuff. So what I would propose is a glory hatch. So you have a small hatch in her floor and whenever she opens up the hatch. Big hatch. Big hatch.

Big hatch. Really the hatch. Big hatch. Big hatch. Big hatch. Really big hatch. It's not fair to speculate the size of a stranger's vagina, Tommy. It's frankly disrespectful. She lowers her legs through, right? She keeps her elbows on her floorboards, right? She lowers her legs through, right? You have a stepladder there, right? Yep. her legs through, right? You have a step ladder there,

right? Yep. You, um, pleasure her. Which you've painted, camouflaged like a washing machine, so it's undetectable to your living partner.

Um, you, you get on your tippy toes. It's like a weird infomercial for a stable ladder. And you, you pleasure her. Just the legs. You don't see the face and then then the legs would

slowly they would slowly disappear back through the hatch and then she would just drop down a small bag of drugs as a thank you right great you don't think we could get the drugs without the sex you don't think that hatch could still work as in just depositing drugs you think the sex the sex you don't think that hatch could still work as in just depositing drugs you think the sex definitely has to happen what's it what's in it for her that's all i'm saying well that's you know she's got you know she's got like she's got a she's got direct she's got a portal to the gigolo downstairs sex portal exactly yeah a sportle sportal. You know that that apartment complex is absolutely crawling with residents who are fucking dying for a crack at that sweet D'Angelo. They've seen me in the lobby.

They've seen me in the mail room. They're like, God damn, what number's he from? Did you hear that we've got a podcaster downstairs? I mean, if only there was a hole in the wall where i could suck him off what would be don't be deceived by his affinity for elton john's tiny dancer i'd look more into his interest in the song massive hog by lionel richie what oh wait wait the hole was too big i fell down now i appear to be stuck in a dishwasher slash washing machine that would be amazing though if you were looking if you were looking to rent a flat

because I'm a big fan of just people saying things just in a throwaway fashion if the real estate agent's showing you around going, so it's a lovely flat. It's got hardwood floors. As you can see, the washing machine, very close proximity to your dining table. Over here, there's a sex hatch.

And then we've also got the, sorry, what? Sorry, what was that? I was just saying there's a sex hatch there. Sorry, I've never experienced a sex hatch. Well, if you want to find out whether or not this is the apartment for you, it's a little bit rusty, but here's some WD-40. Lower your legs down. And then the next thing you know the person

is up to their neck just like this i'll take it you know yeah i feel like we're at the risk then of tommy of tommy turning his uh intra apartment sort of through the roof sexual exploits from a hobby once more into some sort of obligation and i just hate to see the fire go out of his eyes the same way i imagine watching Carl watch security footage in an office. Yeah. Oh, I see what you mean. He's turned his hobby.

I'm bored of this now. Exactly, yeah. Right, right. If he's doing that as a way to pay for it, yeah. There is a weird hatch in my cupboard. I'm just, the wheels are turning in my head. Maybe that is a pre-existing sensor. Who lives on that side then? No, no, like in my head. Maybe that is a pre-existing sector. Who lives on that side then?

No, no, like in the roof. There's a hatch in the roof, like at the very back of my cupboard, and I've never gotten to see where it leads. I'm like, is that a way for your next-door neighbour to fuck your biscuits? How does that work? That sounds like a delightful euphemism. I just want to say, Tommy, inexperienced as I am, while we're solving for ways for you to secure the illegal drug weed Blatant, delightful euphemism. I just want to say, Tommy, inexperienced as I am,

while we're solving for ways for you to secure the illegal drug weed for your own recreational use, which I'm totally against, it is a real shame the way that these sort of industries work, that there traditionally is only one local supplier who is a law-abiding citizen. It's a shame that there wouldn't be anyone else in the wider Melbourne area, or specifically in your network of comedians and ruffians who might be able to help you out. Hang on.

Currently, there's a 4K. You're only allowed to go, is it four or five kilometres? Five. Five kilometres. Where did I get four from? Five kilometres from your home so basically in order to procure this illegal drug weed you would have to it would have to be somebody who was you know like almost like a venn diagram it would have to be somebody within a 10

10 kilometer you know to meet you at that particular point. Yeah, gone are the days where you could get some sweet Zone 2 or Zone 3 weed. Nowadays you have to get your CBD weed. But the most important thing is it very much rewards the local producers. It's local produce and that's important. Yeah. juice yeah and that's important yeah my friend got a delivery uh a few weeks ago um and the her dealer was saying to her um yeah i'm applying for a permit so that i can make deliveries after the curfew it's like wow fuck on what planet do you think you're gonna get that through just lie about being an uber eats driver or something like you fucking idiot

wow would love to read that application like what he's putting in people would have told neil armstrong he was crazy when he was in primary school and said i'm gonna walk on the moon you know it's called ambition mate it's called courage it's called entrepreneurialism it's a fucking drug dealer who believes to me that says you want to get your hands on the drugs that that person is selling yeah yeah that's some good shit where they're like I have to get this

out I can't be denied but that's like saying to the police this is my confession but can I just keep going I know I'm doing something illegal but I'd like to make money off it now I'd like to do it hygienically within the current you know climate i would like to continue to distribute these illegal drugs but in a responsible way that enables contact tracing obviously if that's his logic right then he might as well just or hers that's right that is very true i believe he did say dealers can be woman no no but he said he

before i sorry yeah i i apologize he did say he and his friend was a she but there again who are we to impose uh you know gender pronouns onto anyone you know on dirty drug dealers yes tommy might have been deeply offensive he might have said she got a delivery, and it turns out it's actually a he, but because of the feminine look, he's, you know. And it's one of those things where that's one of the problems with a sex hatch. You're never sure what's going to come through, you know. Well, the sex hatch is pure because the genitals come through

and, you know, that's all I need to see. Like, that's all the story I need. I'm not going to be thrown off by facial hair or Adam's apple or anything like that. Yeah, yeah, if the sex hatch comes down and there's a big old dick there and it says, I actually prefer to be known as a them, you're like, it doesn't really matter. It doesn't matter.

Pronouns on the inside of the thigh, yeah. I know we're very, I know we're straining into some highly controversial areas here, but this is, strap yourselves in. This business of them, right, them as a

as a... Ross, you're breaking up a bit. Your call seems to have dropped out. Whatever Ross, you're breaking up a bit. Your call seems to have dropped out. Look, whatever. You've got a lot of stuff to sell on Facebook Marketplace, mate. Talk very carefully. Now, don't say anything that's going to knock $10 off the price of your Yoda in the background, all right, Ross?

Here's what I want to say, right? And I don't want to be unnecessarily controversial here, right? But whatever you identify with, I'm cool with that, right? Look, let's live our best lives, right? I'm with you. This is traditionally a preface to a non-controversial stuff i'm just saying imagine if i just left it there and went i think i've said i think i've said all i need to say here i'm but the the the use of the word them right and this might just be me being some kind of uh grammatical bigot but doesn't doesn't them i might be wrong

doesn't them imply sort of a plural when you say them yeah them implies more than one person and i think that personally i'm all for if people want to if people want them that is that is 100% of choice and i support them in that but surely we need we need a we need some sort of new word or a word that that surely suggests the singular because i don't think it's i don't think it's fair for somebody who's non-binary to basically have – look, people might want to appear that they're a crowd. That's for them to decide. To have to move in groups.

Exactly. That's what I want to do now. I want to identify as heaps. That's how I want to identify. Heaps. Exactly. Heaps. Exactly.

If you said over there. So you're worried about the non-binary person that sees that out there and thinks like, that's me. But the problem with that is when I start identifying as a they, them, I've got to find a group of 20 others to be moving around in. And I live in a small rural area. I'm a lone wolf. Where am I meant to be moving around in and I live in a small rural area I'm a lone wolf where am I meant to fit in? I would like to say

two things you only need two to qualify as a group hypothetically and this is not a particular extension of the comedy riff but I believe the terminology that we're looking for is thon thon? yes

that does sound a little bit like a character from Battlefield Earth, if I'm honest. I mean, yes, but here's my... The prism through which most people look at the world. You could literally identify as Thon, Ross, if you put that suit on right now. Thon. Look, I'm with you on Thon because it's...

Look, this isn't about me trying to restrict people's lives. thon ross if you put that suit on right now thon look i'm i'm with you on thon because it's look this isn't about me trying to restrict people's uh lives i want to make people's lives better all i'm saying is right say say for the sake of argument right i am out fighting crime just for the sake of argument right i'm out i'm fighting i'm fighting crime and I turn up and the police are there and they go, they've got all their guns. It's trained on a small shed, right? And the police say to me, they go, I go, stand back, lads. I'm going in here.

I'm going to, they've got, we've got the places surrounded. And I say, stand back, lads. I'm going in there. Now, I don't know that the person in that the person in the shed right is somebody non-binary and the police says good luck fighting them right good luck fighting them right i rush in right thinking that it's a lot of i'm ready this is an issue with police communications. The only problem here is the task force with which you're working. Let him speak. This is a very relatable issue that could happen to all of us at some point. I'm just saying, like, look, the police haven't covered themselves in glory of late, right?

And I'm saying this is just another issue, right? Like, they can't hold up flashcards they can't hold them up and point to it i i agree i think the one way back to redemption for you know global police forces is an exploration of gender pronouns i feel like that's the fix that we are currently demanding but you know you know, somebody like me, I'm going in there. If it's just one person, I'm going to go in full force in my crime fighting. And then, you know, I'm just saying, you know. Ross, I think more importantly,

I think more importantly and more relatably, the more people identify as them, I think it's really going to fuck up our census. Surely that's going to, like to double the figures of the whole population if everyone's just multiple people now. Yeah. Yeah. But that's, you know, again, I'm not, please,

wouldn't this be, you know what would be hilarious? If I genuinely got stick for this, if it went, that was deeply offensive. Yeah. This putting a conversation online of four white men trying to solve gender non-binary problems is really stressing me out. I'm going to have to go knock on my neighbour's door

and take the edge off this immense stress I'm feeling right now. Yeah, I think you'd better knock on your sex hatch and ask for her to lower her vagina down so we can talk about something a bit more stodgy. Or his. Or his vagina. Yes, yes. Yeah, it's a good point. So no, I'm just saying

I didn't mean to stray us into a controversial area, but I'm just saying from the way I've observed all this business it's like we need to think about these things. That's all I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. Well, I'll Yeah, it's something for need to think about these things that's all i'm saying yeah yeah well i'll i'll yeah it's something for the drive home um i'll i'll say this the lot the long drive home on

steve mcqueen's motorbike yeah yeah something to think about as you're fucking jumping that fence yeah um i'll I'll say this. You were talking about masks before, Ross, when you said you got up to the next-door neighbour, wear your mask. Of course, most of us are having to wear masks as we go out at the moment. We have our own Dumb Dumb Club mask that we put out on sale.

They immediately sold out before we even got them in the building. I've had to send them all. I'm the merch guy, so I have to put them all in the envelopes and send them all out and whatever. And so once we got them in the building you know i've had to send them all i'm the i'm the merch guy so i have to put them all in the envelopes and send them all out and whatever and so once we got him in the building my wife by the way i just so i'm sorry to interrupt your plug carl but for anyone listening who's worried about carl's hygiene as the merch guy i just want to i can't emphasize enough how sort of crystal clear and clean and unblemished every single surface in patrick bateman's bedroom

phenomenal to look at i mean it's it's yeah yeah yeah yeah it's it's like look it's it's somewhere between a commercial kitchen and a morgue isn't it i could i could show you the rest of it really isn't that good i think you've got a particularly good angle at the moment. I've gussied up the bedroom for you, to be honest. I could show you the sides. Anyway, hang on. I get the feeling that if you were to flood that house with water,

none of it would leak out into the street. Right, yeah. I get the feeling that if anyone were to scream at the top of their lungs inside of the confines of that room, none of it would bleed out to civilisation. I can tell you that that's true. I've got several examples where that's not happened. So the masks, you were telling us about the masks,

because I was looking into doing a similar thing to merch masks. Where did you... Because our contact is quite... I found them quite expensive. What was the... How much are they retailing for, these merch masks? Well, they were retailing for $10 when we sold them. So we immediately sold them all out. So not a bad little price.

And everyone that was on the social medias gobbled them up straight away. We finally got them to my house. I mailed them all out in the envelopes as I'm packing them in. My wife, you know, we've only got disposable masks in the house. She was like, oh, I quite would like one of those masks. You know, I'd like a proper cotton mask with a design on it. Just give me one of them. And I'm like, we've sold them all out.

They were sold out before we even got them. There's no masks to spare at all. And then she attempted to trick me. Like, this wasn't a joke. She attempted to convince me. She goes, oh, I actually ordered a mask, though. So one of those masks is mine. And I was like, is that right?

Because I've got the list of buyers in front of me. And I don't see your name on here. I just want to help everyone visualize this sort of incredible piece of dialogue between Carl and his partner. You need to imagine them both hacking and disposing of various different body parts while this conversation takes place. Both got raincoats on. Yeah, yeah. Bit of Genesis playing in the background takes place. Right. Both got raincoats on. Yeah, yeah.

Bit of Genesis playing in the background. Yeah. So I go, so you ordered one and I've got the list. I'm like, your name isn't on this list. And she goes, yeah, I ordered it with a different name. Brilliant. I said, okay, tell me what name you ordered this mask under. And she just looked up

at the wall and went, Jackie Queensland. That was her fake name she came up with in the clutch. Jackie Queensland. What a fucking name. Quick question. Do you have A fake name Ready for

Such an Such an occasion I I don't But I would bet Ask me $50 that it's not Well I

Ask me Mine is now Jack Jack Queensland But what's yours Ross Pascal Dupont Oh very nice Yeah Every time

That is That is a name That draws attention To itself Yes It's too It's too flesh Of a name that draws attention to itself. It's too flash of a name. No, it's not too flash. Pull your fucking head in, Ross. What about Pascal Dupont?

Pascal Dupont. For a while I was Luigi Fuginami. He's an Italian-Japanese fusion. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Right. That's like one of those serial killers that want to get caught. Yeah.

If you come in with a fake name like that. That's some Zodiac-level shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all. You've got to be ready. I've had these for years, you know. I just want to say, Carl, that that anecdote has given me so much love and respect for your partner. It has honestly made me so happy for you to be in union with someone

who is operating on that level, both to just openly lie to their partner and to do it so poorly. I have so much respect for them. That's right. It's actually quite good. I now know that they can't cheat on me because they've got fucking no poker face. They've got no skill at lying. I'll be able to catch them out immediately.

Well, hang on. Why are you using they all of a sudden? Yeah, they. It's catching on modern times. Because I've got three wives. Didn't I tell you? Yeah, there. It's catching on modern times. Because I've got three wives.

Didn't I tell you? What would be hilarious is that if one day she just left you and you went, that's a bit weird, and then you started looking through her stuff, thinking, why has she gone? And you found her real passport, and she was called Jackie Queensland. Yes.

Yeah, yeah. She just went, hang on. She wasn't bullshitting at all. My life has been a lie. I was married to Jackie Queensland the whole time. Just quickly, one last thing on the masks thing, Carl. You reminded me because I've worn my one of them out a couple of times. And so it's got our Little Dum Dum Club logo on it.

And once or twice i've walked past people in the street who clearly don't know you know what the podcast is and they've looked at it and gone little dumb dumb club huh and it took maybe three people doing that in a row and gauging their reactions to make me realize it kind of looks like it's an anti-mask mask like if you didn't know if you didn't know the name of the podcast and you see this mask it's like oh yeah i'm in the oh i'm in the dumb club of wearing a mask like we like we could have marketed these to right-wing conspiracy theorists and sold four times as many yeah but also you'd be you'd be hitting the top five percent of right-wing

conspiracy theorists who are so like within, within their paranoia about masks, they're still wearing them. Like, what branch of idiots do you think are buying anti-mask masks? You're selling them to sarcastic anti-maskers. That's what you're doing? Yeah, yeah. You should have done this. You should have.

When they've gone, when they've gone, little dum--dum club you should have ripped the mask off and gone yes and it's me uh all right we'd better wrap it up there for another week on the little dum-dum club guy montgomery ross noble thank you so much for joining us ross you have a comedy special that is streaming on saturday the 19th of September. Yes. It's your special El Hablador that you filmed pre

lockdown and everything, right? Yes. So it's shot in front of a crowd all that. Yeah, possibly the last ever live

comedy special ever shot. That's how I'm billing it. Oh, ever. I've got no way of, it was in front of a capacity

crowd. So yeah, you can go on Ticketek. It's not one of these fly-by-night things where you just download it. It's going to go on. It's Ticketek. You go to Ticketek Australia, and then it's going to be 8 o'clock. It's going to be on there, and I'm going to do a Q&A afterwards. But you have to get in then.

It's not going to be like it's going to be available. You can only see it at that time when it goes out so it's like a live event but it's not live because there's people there that's right so you can watch it with your friends you can you can you can do a bit of a party where you can get your mates to buy a ticket as well and you can watch along chat along with them as it's happening don't chat along um no don't chat along well no sorry not sometimes when i'm watching comedy i'm thinking of great tags, so it will be hard not to turn along, of course.

Get in the chat window. I wonder where this guy gets his ideas from. I'll be watching it and DMing you on Twitter, Ross, to let you know all of the places where I would have put in an extra joke. Excellent. If you can find anywhere in that special where there's some form of coherent joke that you could put in

if you can find the joints where it actually forms a thing then I would not only be interested to know I would very much like you to be my director because it's it is something have you ever done this i know we've got to wrap

it up but have you ever done this have you ever been have you it's happened to me all the time uh you'd be editing a show that you've done and you'd be watching it you go and then you'll say something and i'll sit there and then i'll say something on stage, and then I'll think of a joke, and I'll go, oh, that's funny, and I'll say it, and then you say it on stage, and you go, oh, does that make me a hack? Because you go, oh, well, of course. It makes the second version of you a hack. The first version of you is still a savant.

I don't know too many people with the same creative process Ross that would get caught in a riff like that. Sorry, I think there's a ghost just appeared on your Is that? No, Jackie, sorry Jackie Queensland just entered the room everyone

Sorry. Good old Jackie Q, there she is. It's impossible not to notice that she's been packing a suitcase full of clothes in what looks to be a fake passport. She's like, the perfect chance to leave. I'm doing a podcast. This is the only time I can get out of the house. I saw someone walk in frame behind Carl,

and I genuinely didn't know where I was looking on the screen, and I got really freaked out because I thought that person was behind me in my living room like I couldn't tell what part of the border that was happening. It's sort of like that closing scene in it's like in Skyscraper you know the rock film

okay man it's not it's not a classic yet it's not a classic yet but also can I just also plug because sorry guy i know you'll probably you've got things to plug as well but can i also just plug i've started doing this podcast it's called uh it's called the ross noble podcast and it's myself and ed cavalli and what we do is uh the idea of it we started it the idea was that we were going to watch music videos and we were going to deconstruct them and we were going to talk about um for the last i think it's the last seven episodes

now we've been attempting to talk about shania twins that don't impress me much so the podcast if you want to hear two men never getting around to talking about Shania Twain that's what the podcast now is so if that's your thing that feels like every conversation I have with my friends I'm constantly looking for the perfect segue to Shania and we just keep

getting waylaid she's on the horizon so yes you can listen to that and buy your are you doing are you reprinting the masks are you doing another no i think we're done i think we're done and and and i don't know i don't know this is this maybe i'll have to talk to tommy but at the moment i you know i'm pretty sure that that this this is all going to be wrapped up this virus will be done by next week so i don't see why we would print any more masks. We should be fine, shouldn't we? Yeah. I respect it.

Guy, you've got your suite of podcasts. That's right. I've got a podcast called The Worst Idea of All Time. Traditionally we've watched one movie every week for a year but we've embarked on it, probably misguidedly actually. We're only six episodes in

but I'll say it. We've made a huge misstep. We're exploring a soft core pornography back catal catalog of films that started in the 70s it's a franchise called emmanuel and there's over 50 of them beautiful oh i thought you were going to go with electric blue there for a second but you've gone with emmanuel okay that's right will you and so will you at any point be featuring the carry-on film, the spoof, Carry On Emmanuel? Oh. I actually, in my research, I did see that.

I imagine by the end of it, we'll be quite interested for alternative takes. I also saw that there was a heavily maligned spoof film, and yet, you know, they made it anyway. I also have a special coming out under a pseudonym. It is called El Hablador. I'll be performing as a guy named Ross Noble. And he's this sort of flight of fancy British character,

all sorts of wild tangents, and also a really good opportunity to watch along and supply tags. Tweet me at Ross Noble as you watch it with any suggestions. If you would. If you would. Great, great, great stuff. What have we got, Tommy? We've just got our merch.

We don't have too much to plug at the moment. Yeah, yeah, just the merch, littledumbdumbclub.com for that, T-shirts and stuff like that. Yeah, that's it. That's all there is on the horizon for us at the moment. Thanks very much for being part of it. Guy and Ross, go along, check out their specials, check out their podcasts, get into all of that.

Yeah, thanks heaps for listening, guys, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. And they've done it again. Good call, Tommy. Well done. Well done, man. That's some great stuff.

Felt it in my waters. Yeah, you called it. A lot of people sitting on the fence about that one, but I like it. You call them how you see them. You're not, you know, it's not good people on both sides for you, is it? You just go, boom, this is the call. Yep, exactly. You know, I'm here.

I'm a bit of a conspiracy theorist. I've got my tinfoil hat on and I'm like, oh, I'm getting some intense brainwaves. I think they've done it again, folks. This is my Alex Jones-style platform, but all I ever do is just rant about how they've done it again. Does that sort of indicate that most sane people in the world think that they haven't done it again. Does that sort of indicate that most sane people in the world think that they haven't done it again? That most people think it was pretty shit? Yeah, I'd say that's fair.

The sane people, yeah, that's the barometer for your mental faculties is whether or not you think they've done it again. Look, if you think this show is great, we appreciate you, but let's be frank, there's something wrong with you. You know what I mean? That is funny that you think that like, we do all right for ourselves. This show goes all right. But in the grand scheme of things, it's quite a small thing

in the grand scheme of things. So it's fair to say that more people think that Hollywood Elite are smuggling babies underground than enjoy this show. There are more people who believe that that's what's happening than enjoy this program. Yeah, this is a good project for the week. Compile a list of insane things that have more traction than this podcast. So go out there, find some just absolutely fucking loony bin Facebook groups and conspiracy

theories and like wacky like YouTube videos that people subscribe to. Check the numbers of them and cross-reference them with the social media platforms of Little Dumb Dumb Club. And maybe we can do next week, we can do a big ranking of all the insane things that are more popular than this comedy show. Great. Great. Yeah, and like our equivalent of Q is Bernie.

Right, right. Yeah. And has he – That would be – that's great if our listeners are just like, instead of waiting for Q's next instruction, it's like they're waiting for Bernie to kick another big one. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, this is – yeah, there's a lot of – yeah, the Froot Loops that listen to this,

that's where they're getting their signs from. They're like – they think that it's an instruction to them. As soon as they hear this, they're taking the Sharon out to the park and they're like i got a coded i got a secret communication from this podcast i listened to yeah telling me to go outside and kick a big one bernie's a code name that they've given me that's that's what we that should be the next merch just hats just red baseball caps that say b on them for people to just go and protest and marches with. Right, right, right. So has he kicked a big one? The people need to know.

Has B-anon, has B-anon, it's not too far off. Has he kicked a big one? He has kicked a big one. He's kicked a big one. It's actually a bit of a shame because his name Bernie is like too affiliated with Bernie Sanders, so it's a little bit confusing. I know. I mean, look, you know, a good guy.

Being on is quite good though. Good guy to be affiliated with. But it's a shame that we, yeah, it would be great to just be making merch that says Bernie on it. But yeah, unfortunately, culture wise, it would be, yeah, people would think it's the affiliation with Bernie Sanders would be too recent for people to detach from. But hey, maybe down the line he'll fade into obscurity and that's when we pounce and we have our official Bernie-branded share in footballs that we're pumping out to the masses. Yep. Yep. As I alluded to at the top of the show, we've got a new little thing.

We have been talking about cameo a lot on the show lately. And so we've cut out the middleman. We are not on cameo. But you can now hit us up on our own website at Little Dumb Dumb Club for our own little completely brand new original invention called Dummy-O. Yep. Completely new. No one's ever thought of anything like this before, especially the thing that I mentioned about 30 seconds ago. So if you want to prank your mates, if you want to get a birthday message for someone who also listens to this show,

message for someone who also listens to this show, if you want to roast a mate, you can hit us up and get a video message off us and give us a bit of detail on whatever. If you go to our website, you can get all that happening. This is not just us going, yeah, yeah, you want this. We've been hit up plenty of times by people who want this sort of stuff. Taking the piss. It's time to monetize it. That's it. That's it. It's sick of sick of

people hitting us up and going i will pay for this we just want you to call you know my grandma a dumb cunt and i was going oh okay we'll do it for free we all right all right well okay well now this is now this is a professional setup so uh we'll put effort into it from now on and also you listed some examples but um of things that we could do, but let's make it clear that's not the only things that we'll do. I mean, the possibilities are endless, like ransom notes. So let's say you've kidnapped someone and you want to get a message to the family demanding money.

We're happy to do that. You can send us the money amount that you're demanding and the list of demands, the timeframe under which you'll behead this person if you don't get the money. We're happy to do that. Yeah, what are some other things? You'd be crazy to put your own face to a demand like that. Exactly, exactly. Why not incriminate us instead?

Exactly. If you want us to take responsibility for an act of global terrorism that you've committed, send us the details. responsibility for an act of global terrorism that you've committed send us the details send us the details of exactly what it is about the western pigs that piss you off and we're happy to do them in the webcam for you don't i mean don't you know carl set up the top you know roast a friend birthday greeting and those are fine suggestions but don't be don't be limited don't be limited by those uh. They're merely a jumping off point. You know. Yeah.

Your only limit is your own imagination. That's a good point. That's a jumping off point. In case you want to send a message of us telling someone to jump off the West Coast, you know. Oh, my God. And you don't want yourself incriminated with that sort of message. Get us in the mix. Maybe you're doing that and you want to spruce up the note you can only find.

Yes. No, no, no, no, no. All very good points. That's really depressing me for some reason. But, yeah, that's all on there. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. It's one of the first things you see on the main page. It's right there on the right hand side of the screen

there's a little jump out button for Dummyo you click on that and then you get all the details you fill out the little form you do all the bullshit and then Bob's your uncle Bob's your fucking uncle also very quickly we should quickly wedge this in

thank you to Ross Noble for doing the show again great to have him back on. And just to reiterate the plug that we mentioned in the episode, his streaming special, El Hablador, it's on Saturday the 19th of September. Tickets via tickertech.com.au. It's live on the night, so you have to watch it at the time. And Ross is doing a Q&A after, so you've got a little bit of time to get your shit together and get a ticket for that.

And feel free to do what someone did. A friend of the show, Lawrence Mooney, did a very similar show the other day. And some Dumb Dumb listeners got in there and started asking him Dumb Dumb questions and wasted his time like that. So, yeah, feel free to go in and waste Ross Noble's time with questions about a show that he knows a lot less than Lawrence Mooney does. Well, yeah, speaking of coded messages, yeah, I liked – someone videoed Mooney's response to that question and sent it to us. And it's very funny because it's like oh you know someone's gone to him when are you going to go back on the little dum-dum club and he was like oh yeah you know love that podcast

um love to do another one soon with tommy and carl but um it's got to be in the room you know i don't want to do one over zoom i want to be in the room with those two guys which which i did feel like a tinfoil hat guy like a message through the screen like don't hit me up and ask me to do a fucking pot over zoom at the moment boys i'm in sydney i'm allowed to go to the pub i'm doing breakfast radio do not hassle me about this it's like message received moon yeah yeah yeah yeah i i i thought the same um but very nice i did send Moon a text message last night and say thanks for being lovely. What else we got? We have got, of course, let's get into the next little segment that we've got.

The CBS mailbag. Hit it, Tommy. Here we go. Launch it. We get better. We get sadder, sadder, sadder, so we let go, sadder. No. Oh, okay.

I hope you did. I will, but it would be pretty funny if I just left that blank. Well, every week when we get to this point, I'm like, I should remind Tommy to insert that tune in there. Otherwise, it does sound a bit weird. No, I do it. Of course, we have our own mailbox these days. Little Dum Dum Club.

P.O. Box 6063. You know what that means, guys. 60 plus 6 plus 3 equals 69. Hawthorne West 3122. It's like Elon Musk's kid's name. Yes, exactly. That could be the next shirt. PO box and then 6063 with all the little sums in the middle.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we've got a couple. What's the pick of the mailbag this week? We've got a couple of little things. I haven't checked it for a few days, so this is what we got last week, basically. Someone's sending, what do you call these things, Tommy? The child toy, the paper things that you've, what are they called? You fold them up and you sort of go, blah, blah, blah, one, two, three.

And they've got blue, yellow. Yeah. They're like origami sort of folded up yeah so yeah you have like yeah like you've made yeah a little a little cube thing that you then move it'll be like one two three four and then there'll be colors on the next bit and you pick blue and you go b l u e and you go blue and then you've got something written for like you smell or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, speaking of that, Phil has sent one of these in that's worth mentioning. And I don't know how to do them.

So, yeah, all the answers are things like Kappa being internationally successful. Oh, yeah. Okay. Dumb Dumb Shirt being worn on TV. Well, and also like, you know, in Victoria, we're in stage four lockdown. We can't get together. So there's no way, you know,

this is an activity that's meant to be done with another person. So it's just you alone doing it to yourself, which feels like this is kind of rubbing in the situation that we're in down here in Victoria. So thanks for nothing. Yeah. Yeah, appreciate it. Appreciate this little childlike toy that I don't even know how to work myself,

so I'm just opening it up and seeing the answers. And by the way, if anyone listening, if you know the answer, don't message us to us now. We don't care. The moment's passed. We've done the episode. We don't give a fuck. I don't want to hear – I don't need my inbox being blown up on Friday morning with messages

going, oh, it's a flug-a-lug. I don't care. I've moved on. I'm getting on with my life. It will never come in handy again. No, exactly. If anyone sends us one of these things again, we'll be burning it while it's still in the envelope.

So we won't need to read about it. Yeah, it's not like in the past where it's like, hey, boys, FYI, this is how you change a car battery. It's like, oh, this is actually useful information. I'm not going to follow any of it, but there's actually a practical use to this. I can't turn to my girlfriend over the weekend and go, hey, you know those toys, the little origami thing?

They're called this. And she's going to go, fuck off and get out of my house. She's going to be like, great, let's stick one up your ass right now. So next bit of mailbag, much more useful, this bit. Okay, here we go. Thank you very much to Glenn for sending this in. I've got a little parcel. It says, hey, mate, it's finally convinced my awesome wife who has been sewing masks

during lockdown to sew a few little dum-dum club masks love this enjoy um of course we've we've selling our own and we've uh basically we've sold out already so um this is beautiful this is like the thailand version of what we've been doing this is like a bootleg yes yes so he has now sent in new masks for us. So he's got his wife to do it, who has got her own business called Little Seb Fabric Creation. So tiny little plug to her. Little Seb, S-E-B. I wonder if that's a reference to Parks and Recreation.

I don't know. Don't watch it. So he said, I had to sacrifice a T-shirt, but worth it. So this is what we've got. Oh, that's cool. Glenn has got his wife to sew us up two face masks. One says dum-dum and one says aware. Aware, yeah.

They're made out of a black T-shirt that he's bought off us, some merch. So, I mean, the good side of it is possibly that means he has to go and buy a new T-shirt that he's bought off us, some merch. So, I mean, the good side of it is possibly that means he has to go and buy a new T-shirt now and get more merch off us. But I do like the other side of it, which is, here you go, boys, have some face masks. You know what? I'll take my chances with COVID rather than use your second-hand fucking sweaty merch T-shirt and cover my

face with it right right yeah yeah i'm being uh i'm being pretty healthy over here i'm being pretty cautious i've got this mask that i sewed out of some old jocks that i brought from st vinnie's yeah yeah yeah it's oh well i've got a stranger's old T-shirt rubbing up against my face. I should be free of COVID, but now I've got fucking some form of STD, so that's good. Yeah. I don't know how I feel about, you know, it's a crime to desecrate the flag. It's a crime against podcasting to desecrate a little Dumb Dumb Club T-shirt. I don't know how I feel about that.

I don't want this I feel about that. I don't want this to inspire any copycat crimes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, look, I'm happy with that as long as it's very quickly followed up with another order of a replacement shirt. And I'm like, cool, cool. Sounds good. Let's close up the old CBS mailbag, Tommy. That's it.

That's it. What else have we got to cover? Yeah, yeah look hey that that's a good reminder we don't say that very much but we've got plenty of merch if you have gone to our website already to check out the dumio um yeah plenty of merch we've still got some hoodies left some uh talking dum dum club um hoodies and t-shirts of which we are right in the middle of now. It's out in this program right now. That's our only merch. So if you want to get like our sister podcast, little Dumb Dumb Club merch, yeah, that's

there as well, I guess. But the Talking Dumb Dumb Club merch is there. Some hoodies left. Limited sizing with a bunch of them. There's a lot more navy than there is black. So get in there quick. It's coming up to Christmas. It's coming sizing with a bunch of them. There's a lot more navy than there is black. So get in there quick. It's coming up to Christmas. It's coming up to summer.

You know, make your own one-man sauna. Just sweat away in your little talking dum-dum hoodie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, if you're in Victoria, you've been in lockdown, maybe you've put on some weight, chuck the hoodie on, go for a bit of a light jog and just fucking sweat those kilos off. That's the quickest way for you to get shredded for summer. There's inexplicably a lot of 2XL Navy hoodies left.

Okay. I really ordered too many 2XLs. So get into that. Get into that. I thought a lot of fat fucks out there. Not as many fat fucks as I thought. But all the like 3 and 4 and 5XL disappeared, right? So there are some.

There's no hoodies. There's no hoodies in that size. 2XL is the biggest one. Okay, right, right, right. Interesting. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. So get into that. And all the other T-shirtsodies in that size. 2XL is the biggest one. Okay, right, right, right. Interesting. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah, so get into that.

And all the other t-shirts, all that sort of bullshit. All right, let's get smack bang into, of course, the thing you're all waiting for. The meat and potatoes of Talking Dumb Dumb. Thank you, everyone, for keeping the lights on in here and Dumb Dumb HQ by getting into patreon.com slash little dumb dumb club. If you're in isolation, if you're in Melbourne especially DumDumHQ by getting into patreon.com slash littledumdumclub. If you're in isolation, if you're in Melbourne especially, such a great time to get into this because there's a lot of extra bonus content.

Like Tommy said at the top of the show, there's two bonus mini episodes going out a week if you're looking for something to do, if you're burning through it. Or if you're like me, if you're out and about, if you are basically discovering podcasts for the first time because I'm out every night going for a run and I need to listen to podcasts. I'm chewing through podcasts at the moment. So if you're like me and you're getting up and you're hitting refresh, trying to look for new episodes of things because you just want to forget the fact that you're fucking out there running with no mask on, potentially picking up every virus under the sun. You need to distract yourself with bonus content.

I find that fascinating. I can't run to podcasts. I need rhythm. I can get lost in music, but I can't get lost in people talking. I find that people that can run to just chat, I find that bizarre. I would say that I had my big crack at music for a long

time doing it and then it basically it it i in my head i'm like all right i know how long this song goes for i know how long that song went for i would be timing myself with the songs and i'd be getting too too deep into like how long i'd been running for or how long to go and stuff like that. So I feel like now if I'm just getting chat, I get lost in it a bit more. Okay. And I'm not getting sick of it because it's so disposable. I'm listening to new stuff every time. I haven't talked about this yet, but someone posted this the other day in our Patreon group and it was very mortifying to me. So I run, I listen to music, and I kind of,

I do what I thought previously was just very light. Like, you know, I'm running, but I'm kind of getting lost in the music, so I'm sort of like, you know, I'm keeping up with the pace of the song. I'm kind of probably sometimes like moving my arms a little bit, like sort of like lightly, you know, sort of very, I thought very faintly. I thought maybe like that much movement, right? Like people can't see that.

Maybe like an inch or two of movement in my hands. Tommy's holding up his dick for people at home that can't see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like one millimetre worth of movement. And someone the other day was like, hey, I just saw Tommy going for a run and doing a big air drum solo as he was running past the MCG. And I was like, because it's like in my head, I just assumed that it was like indetectable to an outside observer that I was kind of like faintly moving my arms to drum along.

But this guy was able to pick it up from presumably a bit of a distance and really made it sound like it looked like I was just fucking going for it, which is – it's really rattled me. I'm glad you're mortified because I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed for you after reading that going, Jesus Christ. If I watch someone running along and drum – you know what I thought? I thought, what are you doing drumming while you're running? Like, it made me think of like, you know, when you're a kid working somewhere,

if you've got time to lean, you've got time to clean, you know? If you've got time to drum, you've got time to have a faster run. I don't know how I can rig this up, but I've got to get someone to video it because I don't know how I can rig this up, but I've got to get someone to video it because I don't know. This has really fucked me up, to be honest. It's made me re-evaluate everything because then I started getting all paranoid and going, maybe this guy just had a lucky guess. You know what I mean?

He knows I play the drums. He's just throwing a dart at the dartboard and he's just happened to get it correct. I don't know. It's really, it's fucked my whole running experience. It's fucked my technique. It's like someone saying, if someone said to you, you walk wrong, then the next time you got up and just were trying to put one foot

in front of the other, you just would probably fall over because you would feel so fucked and be overthinking it. Oh, boy. Yes, yes. It's like when people walk on film. When you're walking, when you're acting, you're sort of going, how do people walk again? How do you – what does it look like when you walk? So now you're overthinking it. Because in my head –

You're going to have to switch instruments, I think, Tommy. You're going to have to start bass soloing when you're now you're overthinking it now you're in my head you're gonna have to you're gonna have to switch instruments i think tommy you're gonna have to start bass soloing when you're running because in my head it's like you're already moving your arms right you're already doing that so what i'm doing is i'm kind of doing that to the beat of the song and then i'm just adding in a little you know what i mean so if you can see my hands i've just got a bit of a fist going and i'm just kind of like moving my wrists to do that as i've already got the motion of the arm from the like inertia of the run oh god i just picked that as drums because the way you just did it then i'm like what the fuck's wrong with you but that in the past when i've been conscious of it that's been my main concern is that oh does

this kind of look like i'm sort of like you know diddling myself when my arm gets lower to my torso so that that was the top of my concerns and and that was that idea was less mortifying to me than the idea that someone would go oh he's drumming along to the song that he's listening to like a fucking nerd yeah he's done you a favor by guessing that as drums because watching you do that then you could say a lot a lot worse things than than he's done you a favor by guessing that as drums because watching you do that then you could say a lot a lot worse things than than he's a drummer right right this whole breakdown is going to be something that i'll listen back to in a year and go i was fucking unraveling by the end of that lockdown have you had anything you know those things where you're like this is

relatively normal behavior like i feel like you know you those things where you're like, this is relatively normal behaviour. Like I feel like, you know, you're in it. So it's like maybe it doesn't stick out to you. Like I've had chats like that with friends where I'm like, I think we're going to look back on this as just proof that we have fucking lost our minds. Yeah. I think the closest I would be is that, you know, I'm in the house with my wife and child the whole time

and there's no break for it. So you've just got to sort of watch how intense you're getting with one of us going, I told you to pick this up. Why didn't you pick this up? You told me 30 seconds ago. I know, but why didn't you pick it up? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've just got to monitor your time apart.

You've just got to give yourself a little bit of a refresh, I think. Right, right. But also I'm enjoying talking to – hunting down people that I know that are sort of unraveling a bit and talking to them because it makes me feel a lot more sane. Right, right. Yeah, exactly. Well, anyway, speaking of acts of madness, let's get into the Patreon segment of the show. Like we mentioned, you can subscribe, you can get extra content,

and more importantly than that, you can get your name read out in Talking Dumb Dumb, the meat and potatoes of this segment. We have the unplanned title alternator, which does a fantastic job every week of keeping this fair, keeping it balanced. It spits out a completely randomised number of names every week. We just basically do this until the tape runs out. And let me have a look here on my recorder.

I've got 16 hours to go. Wow, okay. Yeah, I mean, I bought an extra big SD card because we've got a bit of a backlog. So, you know, we're just going to do this until the recorder shuts down. Here we go, 16 hours worth this until the recorder shuts down. Here we go. 16 hours worth.

We better kick it off. I've got a lot to get through. We could clear the back catalogue then with 16 hours. So that's great. All right. Okay. Let's start the slog. All right.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Emma Pringle. Yes! We are often right i gotta say like we we typically we've been doing these in the evening like as it's starting to get dark and we're doing this one sort of like mid-morning the sun's out i just feel energized today i just feel fucking revved up and then you know you get a name like that and it's and it just it just confirms every good thought you have in your head about the day. This is wonderful stuff. You know what? You're about to go off on one of your little drummer boy runs.

Exactly. You've actually just slugged a big mouthful of Gatorade. That's what Emma Pringle is to you. Right, right. Oh, man. A lifetime of references to the ads. I dare say there's been more than one sexual partner of Miss Pringle who's whipped out a bit of Once I've Popped, I Can't Stop.

Do you think? Absolutely. What do you think? Do you think that you would reach an age where you realize that you just have to adopt that as your post-coital catchphrase and and sort of because it you know what i mean because otherwise it's like you're basically just daring someone to do it you know it's like it's inevitable some fuckwit is going to say this to me after sex, so I may as well just get in first and make it my thing. Well, also, that's a lot easier to do as a gag if you're the guy.

If you're a guy with a last name Pringle, once I pop, I can't stop. She's a girl, so you can't say that about the guy. It's not technically correct for the joke. So for her, once she pops, she can't stop. So that implies... No, no, but she's the – so the Pringles ad, it's talking about the can of Pringles and saying once you pop, you can't stop. Once you pop this Pringle can, you won't be able to stop. So she could say that to the guy.

She's like, you've popped. You've popped in me. You've busted up me. And now you're going to keep coming back for more. That's the allure of Pringle. I'm so good at this that now you've popped. You just try and stop me because you can't. Okay.

Well, that makes more sense. I'm glad you cleared that up. That's a better angle in that you'll want to come back for more. Okay, that makes more sense. Because what I've got in my head is once you pop, you can't stop. So once you come, you can't stop coming. So it's just like one endless stream of ejaculate, which I think is maybe a little bit unrealistic.

What's been your experience with eating Pringles in the past to make you think that? I ate a haunted Pringle and it cursed me and I kept coming and I couldn't stop. Well, you would say that given the logic of what you're saying, once you pop you can't stop, you'll be coming back for more. Well, I think the idea of that jingle is that once you pop the lid, you're going to eat the entire content of that container. So that's all in one sitting. So with that logic, once you pop, i.e. ejaculate, you can't stop.

So you're going to do it all in one sitting. You're going to cum all in one sitting. You can't stop. So you're going to do it all in one sitting. You're going to cum all in one sitting. Right. You're going to fill up a complete tennis ball container of cum is what you're going to do basically. Yeah, I wonder if she's got one of those.

That would be great if she's got the little can next to the bed just ready to collect anything that comes out. Oh, what if she used that to, she's got them on the bedside table and it's full of condoms. Yes. Once you pop, you can't stop. Once you open this and chuck one of these on, that's it. You're going to want to do it.

We're going to be up all night. This is going to be a real sesh. The beast with two backs is absolutely going to be at it from dusk till dawn. Max is absolutely going to be at it from dusk till dawn. What if she goes absolutely full character with it and then wears the little moustache that the little Pringle man wears as well? That's what I'm hoping. Yeah, that's what I'm hoping.

That little Pringle guy, who's he meant to be? Does he have like any kind of backstory? Yeah, I don't know. I've never heard. I'll tell you what, it's really easy for a little icon to just whack a little moustache on. Like, you've got the Mario Brothers, you've got this bloke. It's a fun thing to draw, isn't it? You would know.

You're a big cartoonist. Well, that's what I'm thinking. Is he Super Mario? They've basically just taken... He's got a bow tie on. He's got a bow tie. He's like... I like the idea that they are the same character.

It's waiter Super Mario. So it's like when he's done being a plumber, jumping on turtles and whatnot, he goes to his catering job, he chucks on a bow tie, he's handing around platters of Pringles to people. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Yeah. They're not really Pringles

anymore once you take them out of the tennis ball container thing though, are they? If they're just on a plate, they're barely Pringles anymore, I reckon. You've got to pull them out of that can. It's true. I've got to say, I love a Pringle. A sour cream and chives Pringle.

Top tier snack for me. Right up there. Do you know what? I don't reckon I've got to say, I love a Pringle. A sour cream and chives Pringle. Top tier snack for me. Right up there. Do you know what? I don't reckon I've ever had a Pringle. I just don't think it's ever happened. Wow, that's huge. Yeah, I don't think I've ever put my hand in a can to get a chip. I mean, it's the one floor of it.

Those big, big, those huge cans of them. Once you're getting down the bottom of the can, it's been years since I really went in on a big can of them, but once you're getting down the bottom, they're a nightmare. Your hand's getting stuck halfway down. You know what I'd like? I'd like Emma Pringle. So we were talking about her sexual escapades

and all these little ideas with it. She hooks up with a guy called Sam, i.e. he's a boy, Sam Boy. Pringle and Sam Boy getting together and absolutely mashing flavors. Yeah, the first family of chips. I love it. Flavors. Yeah, the first family of chips. I love it.

Someone, a Japanese listener of the show posted on our Patreon Facebook group that they'd found a, what was it? It was like an Aussie barbecue flavor of Pringles in Japan. It's like chicken salt flavored. It was chicken salt. Yeah. Why the fuck don't we have that here? Why are they getting that in Japan and we're not getting that? I'd love chicken salt flavoured Pringles.

Yeah. I found that funny in that it's like Japanese going, oh, this weird thing. And it's like, oh, great, finally you guys get to look at us like in that weird way where you guys go, you know, we've got the most normal thing in the world, Japanese schoolgirl underwear Pringles over here. And, you know, we've got the most normal thing in the world, Japanese schoolgirl underwear Pringles over here, and, you know, that's our national flavour.

Yep. But chicken salt, what? Yeah, yeah. Fuck. God, I miss Japan. Anyway, God, I miss eating Japanese schoolgirl flavoured foods. Thanks, Emma. Thanks, Emma. Thanks, Emma. Thanks, Emma.

Thanks, Emma Pringle. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Joe Richardson. Joe Richardson. Oh, man. Yeah. I thought we were going to – I don't know. I thought we were in for an easy run here, but yeah. Yeah.

Sorry. Sorry. You can't – they can't all be Emma Pringles. Yep. As the old saying goes. Once you, once you Richardson, you can't shit, shit your, shit your son. Dick. Fuck.

Dick, Dick, Dickard's son. Dickard's son. Joe Dickard's son. Joe Dickard's son. There we go. That's disgraceful. Dickard's son. You should be ashamed of yourself, Joe.

Dickard's son. Yeah. What's, why did you leadson. You should be ashamed of yourself, Joe. Dick Hardson. Yeah. Why did you lead us down that garden path like that, Joe? That's just absolute red rag to a bull. Joe, I don't think we've had a Joe for a long time, if at all ever. Is this a lady? I feel like I've seen this name on the socials and it's, is it a? Nah.

Is it like J-O? Oh, no, it's J-O-E. Okay. J-O-E. Okay, right. Oh, I'm just going, I'm going through the records. We've only had a handful of Joes. Joe is a name that you really do not hear that often at all.

No. I don't mind it. It's alright. It's alright. Have you known Joes? Have you known Joes? Have you known Joes before? There was a Jo At my primary school

And That was it I don't think I've ever met Another Jo Outside of that You know what I'm very quickly changing my attitude Because I'm thinking joe i

quite like that sort of old school name traditional sort of a name um simple but i just haven't seen it heaps everywhere so i'm thinking oh i like that solid i don't mind it oh you know for a second i'm thinking if i had another kid male joe not too bad joe joe chandler that's okay it's not too bad then i'm thinking have i who are the joes that i've met joe not too bad joe joe chandler that's okay it's not too bad then i'm thinking have i who are the joes that i've met joe and then i remembered there was this guy in high school called joe joe pain and uh his nickname he got caught masturbating in the toilet into uh into a handkerchief and so his name was not Joe for very long. It got turned into Wanky Hanky. That was his name for the rest of school.

You had such a big run-up there that the name Joe was going to be a pivotal part of the nickname. That was a great piece of misdirection there. You're like, Joe, and then get this, his name was Joe, but this is what they ended up calling him. Fuck me. You know what? You know what? I just said his name was Hanky Wanky.

It wasn't Hanky Wanky. I've actually made a mistake there. That's what his name should have been. They nicknamed him Hanky Panky. Okay, right. He jerked off into a hanky. They should have called him Hanky Wanky. They called him Hanky Panky.

That's such a subtle nickname. That's such an understated nickname for Meriborough High School, to be honest. Yeah, maybe. I mean, it makes sense, though, because if you call someone Hanky Wanky and a teacher hears you saying that, you're going to get in trouble because you're saying a naughty thing. But Hanky Panky is like, you're alluding to it.

He knows what you're referencing. So make no mistake, he knows he's being bullied. But it can sort of escape detention from any teachers that are nearby. Exactly, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It makes you, and it's sort of, not only do you not get in trouble, you're sort of hidden. It's like people think, wow, did you just come from the Prohib era or something exactly yeah are you a flapper from the 30s yeah now look

am i perhaps giving a little bit too much credit to the uh intellect of the student at maryborough high perhaps i am perhaps i'm reading a bit too much into it. I think what's more likely is that they were so dumb that they didn't even think of the word wanky in there. They didn't even think of slipping that in there, which I think is way more likely. Bringing a hanky to do it into is kind of bizarre. A school kid with a handkerchief is – I remember at high school there would be –

like there was a bit of a phase where people would start having hankies on them. I think it was like a bit of a thing like, oh, yeah, my dad's got a hanky. So it's like this is – it's like a bit of an affectation, like trying to seem older than you are. And then just after a very short amount of time going, this is disgusting. Why am I carrying around this snotty rag in my pocket all day? Yuck. Also, very, very good stuff to presumably jerk off into it

and then a matter of days later probably wipe your face, put that right up your nose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Non-stop blowing both ends. And your dick into it, yeah. Yeah. Well, thanks, Joe. My-stop blowing both ends. And your dick into it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, thanks, Joe.

My dick's about to sneeze. Achoo. Thanks, Joe King-off into a hanky. Well, yeah. I hope you appreciate that, Joe Richardson, after waiting for God knows how long to get your name read out, and that's what you copped. Yep.

You're welcome. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Chris Quinton. Quinton? Q-U-I-N-T-O-N, as opposed to Quinton. Quinton, which was Mike Willis' special friend in the 80s or 70s, whatever it was. R.I.P. Who were you RIPing? Oh, no, I'm thinking of a different,

I'm a completely different guy spelling. I'm thinking of Quentin. Yeah, that's what I just said. That's what I'm talking about. Didn't he die? Isn't he dead? Did he die? I think he died.

Didn't he? Let me look this up. Or is this one of those? Mike Willis, he died. Is this one of those... Mike Willis, he died. Is this one of those people who is always rumoured to have died? This is the Australian version of the Mandela effect. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the Quentin effect.

Yeah, there we go. Died 6th of October 2018. Okay. Oh, yeah. Right. Yeah. He was in Mad Max Fury Road, wasn't he? Quentin Kenahan.

Died of asthma. Jesus. Oh. God, was he in his 40s or something? He did all right. 43. You've outlived Quentin. How does that make you feel?

Congrats, Carl. Yeah, well, to be fair, I've never had asthma. Congrats, Carl. Well, to be fair, I've never had asthma. So he was on more TV than me. He was on Mad Max, you know. So that's one all, officially one all. Is it 33?

33 is like the Jesus year and who else? 27, wasn't it? I thought it was 33. Oh, no, that was like, yeah, that was Kurt Cobain and Jim Morrison and all that sort of stuff. Yeah. That was that year, 27. But the 33 is Jesus. So, yeah, let's get that going, 43, the Quentin year.

Yeah. You make it past the age Quentin was. It's cause for celebration. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm not bad. Not doing too bad for myself. You know, I never got asthma though, so, you know, it's not a fair fight. But I wonder how old Chris Quinton is.

I wonder if I'm – Quinton. Quinton. I wonder if he was in Mad Max Fury Road as well. Have you ever auditioned for a film? Oh, good question. I don't believe that I have. No, I don't think I have.

Oh, I mean, I'm in a movie that Ed Cavill made, if that counts. Oh, yeah, that's right. I mean, it's on iTunes. I think it's on iTunes and stuff. I mean, it never came out in cinema. But I'm in it playing – the role that I'm doing, I dare say if the film was made now, probably would not exist. Can I say this?

Is it fair to say – I'm just trying to remember what it is. Is it fair to say that you would be guilty of of uh putting on gay face i'm yeah i mean yeah yes um i'm doing i'm doing a bit of rainbow face in this film uh yeah i'm playing i am playing the uh boy toy lover of ash williams if people know who that is, Australian media personality Ash Williams. And, yeah, look, no offence to anyone involved, but you couldn't say that any of the writing or performing was done with a deft touch towards homosexuality. And, look, I count myself in that as well.

I absolutely count myself in that as well. I absolutely count myself in that. Do you, can I ask this, do you do the voice? I do the wrist. Oh, no. No, I don't. Do you? No, no, no, I don't. I believe that my instruction was to play it straight.

Pardon the pun. I think. Yeah, I don't. Yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to think when this would have been. I guess it was like 2015 or thereabouts. Maybe even earlier.

Maybe even before that. Yeah. Yeah. 2013, I think it was it was fuck it's a long time ago I can see I can see why they they would have cast you in that role because it's very hard

to find gay people in show business so I can see why they've had to to get that slow to fill that role absolutely shouts out to

shouts out to Ed though very kind of him to like I knew him from working on a show that he hosted and so yeah though. Very kind of him to, like, I knew him from working on a show that he hosted. And so, yeah, very kind of him to chuck me in there. But, yeah, I've actually never seen it back. So, yeah, I'm sure the dum-dum sleuths, I'm sure someone will get onto it and chop it out for us this week.

Let's watch it when we can watch it together. Let's get a few beers and hire it out on iTunes or wherever it is. Let's get a few beers and just watch that one scene that I'm in. No, no. Is it just one scene? I wouldn't mind seeing the whole thing. Yeah, I'm in it for – I think I'm in it, I think I speak in one scene and then I think I'm in the background of maybe one or two others.

Is it called Border Protection Squad? Is that that one? I believe, yeah, I think that's what it's called. Yeah, Border Protection Squad. So it's Peter Hellier, Ryan Shelton, Luke McGregor is in it, Tony Martin's in it. Yeah, I'm sure Ash is in it, Tony Martin's in it. Yeah, I'm sure Ash is in it, obviously.

I don't think Ed is in it himself. I think maybe Ed has like a small bit in it. So Ed Cavill wrote and directed it. Oh, no, Ed's in it. I think Ed's in it. He's in it? Yeah, right, right. Yeah, but he wrote and directed it. A lot of it was filmed at his now wife, Tiffany's parents' gym. Yeah, it was

pretty fun. But yeah, being, I mean, technically that counts as having been in a movie. It's on my IMDb, thanks to the work of one of my co-stars, the admin in there, chucking me on there, just seeing me on set and immediately getting out the laptop and getting to work. Oh, Lockie Hume. I think Lockie Hume's in it as well. Right. Oh, man, I'm keen to see it. I'm keen to see it now.

Let's do it. Let's do a... Let's do it. Maybe we can do, like, one of those stream commentary things. People can, like, rant and watch along with us or whatever. Yeah, that'd be fun. That'd be fun that'd be fun let's make that the very first thing

we do at midnight when restrictions ease alright thanks thanks Quinton thanks our thanks our special little friend we're both

Mike Wellesey and Chris Quinton is our special little friend. Exactly. That's how that works. Exactly. Thanks, Quino. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Rick Tankard. Tank-o. Rick Tankard, what a name.

That's the sort of name you make up. I think in a movie, the character of Rick Tankard is some sort of old school, I guess, I mean, it alludes to drinking because a tankard is like a container, isn't it? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a vessel. It's like a beer vessel. Hmm. Rick Tankard is like a container, isn't it? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a vessel. It's like a beer vessel. So Rick Tankard is some sort of stocky, tough guy. Burly.

Yeah, burly is a good word for it. There's a show on Netflix that me and my girlfriend got hooked on at the start of Isolation, the first one, called Love is Blind. It's basically a dating show and it's basically it's a it's a dating show and there's one of the girls in it used to be in the army and you know it's like reality show every time she's on screen that you know they bring up like her name and then like you know for everyone they do like the name and then their job title and hers just made me laugh so much every time i saw it because it'd be this one girl it'd be her name and then her job title that they would bring up was x tank mechanic which is just like such a just like such a just

like a tank mechanic is such a bizarre job description to begin with but then x tank mechanic it's like you're not even i'm sorry i'm retired from operating on the tanks now it's like is is there no other like cleaner like thing that you can bring up under her now just say she's in the army like it's so weirdly specific every part of it it's good that it's actually perfect because it's like wow there's a good story here ex-tank mechanic tank mechanics interesting enough ex-tank mechanic what happened mechanic's interesting enough. Ex-tank mechanic. What happened? How did you get fired from doing the mechanics on a tank?

What war did you start? Exactly. Which Middle Eastern country got bombed because of some fuck-up you did? Yeah, and it's like often with reality shows, I definitely have a hard time keeping up with everyone's name and who everyone is. And so me and my girlfriend, when we were discussing it, we just started referring to her as Tank Mechanic, as if that was her first name Tank, last name Mechanic. But saying it in the cadence that you say her name in, like, oh, yeah, that girl Tank Mechanic.

That's a good name. It is a good name. Yeah. This is my son. Yeah. Mr. and Mrs. Mechanic. And this is our beautiful baby girl, Tank. Yeah.

Tank. Tank Mechanic just phonetically works quite well. Yeah, exactly. Tank is a funny American name. Yeah. That would be a very funny American name. Tank. Mechanic is quite a good American name as well.

It's a real Midwest. Unfortunately, I think Tank Mechanic definitely votes Republican, I believe. A flyover state for sure, yeah. But Rick Tankard is the closest thing. That's maybe the Australian version of Tank Mechanic. Yes. It's still pretty American sounding. Yeah.

Rick Tankard. Rick Tankard. yes it's it's still pretty american sounding yeah rick tankard rick rick tank rick tankard well that maybe it's because tankard's probably more of an english word maybe that's like the you know you know you think of people in america like brock brock rock hard you know some sort of like fucking big burly dickhead in America. But what's the English version of that? You know, you're chavs. Maybe that's about it. But you don't get that sort of like big, tough.

That big, tough sounding name. You mean in Britain you don't get those kinds of names? In England. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe that's the closest you get. I've been watching a show called this country which is like a british mockumentary show about small towns in the uk it's so fucking funny it's on

stan if you're in australia i definitely recommend people watch it but the main character in that his name's curtain k-u-r-t-a-n it's just such a funny like dumb fuck small country town name curtain it's fucking awesome that's probably the closest equivalent to like a brock or whatever it's just like some stupid ass name like that i i always liked it was i liked it i had a couple of mates that were just hypnotized by this guy that we went to school with who was a complete dumbass. But his last name was – I've probably talked about this on the show, but his last name was Oliver. And it wasn't Oliver. It was Oliver without the I.

Oliver. It was just like – whoever thought we needed a dumber version of Oliver? Yeah. It was just Oliver. Yeah. Oliver. Fuck. Someone has definitely misspelt it at some stage

and it's changed the history of this family. And did he get called Volver or presumably is this before any young man really knowing what that is? Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. He himself probably learned about it when he was like 20 and was like, thank God.

Hey, I probably didn't know about it and I was a smart person in fucking Mirabarra High School. So there's no way this guy knew about it. This is the guy we've actually talked about him on the show before. This is the guy that someone made fuck a tree. Oh, yeah. Right, right. Don't worry.

He had other nicknames. They didn't have to work on Vulva. They had plenty of other scope. God. Yeah. Yeah. Ulva. Rick Tankard.

Rick. Rick. You know, if I was a girl, I'd be, you know, and I met a guy called Rick Tankard. Rick, Rick. If, you know, if I was a girl, I'd be, you know, and I met a guy called Rick Tankard. There's a little bit of me that, that would be like, well,

I, I guess there's, there's not much left to do, but throw myself over to this guy. This, this guy sounds pretty fucking. Wet immediately. Wap,

wap, wap. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's, um,

yeah, I mean, no offense to, to Chris Quinton, butinton, but if I'm on a blind date between these two names, I know who I'm absolutely sucking off. Yeah. That's a funny dating show where it's like, it's, what's the origin of that format? What's the first show that did that where you've got the, you know, the three bachelors and the one person? Well, I guess Blind Date. Blind Date, is that the show? I guess Blind Date or Perfect Match in Australia. first show that did that where you've got the you know the three bachelors and the and the well i guess blind date blind date is that i guess blind date or perfect match in australia perfect match

yeah yeah so it's it's that it's that format but they don't ask questions it's no like this is what i do on the date it's literally just the girl he is their full name and then makes a call based on that rick tankard i'm picking you. Bachelor number three, get in me. Rick Tankard, brackets, carryover champion, yet again. Yeah, yeah. That's great. So a dating show where, yeah, whoever picked up the girl in the last episode

comes back next week to defend their title and then try and fuck another girl who's like, oh, that is spectacular. Fuck, I love that. That is very good having. Just if you, whatever, even if it's not about the name, but you just being the defending champion and you just keep getting to rail whoever comes on the show.

Right. That's a good sketch. I'd say that's too good for the funny fellas, but that's, yeah. No, it's too good. Dating show carryover champ is fucking great. That's really good stuff. Yeah. Imagine us in all seriousness.

If we ever write that sketch, Rick Tankard's in it. Yeah. Imagine us in all seriousness pitching that to a network in 2020. That's the dating show where the guy comes back and we want this guy to just be destroying as many women as possible. And the audience is getting into it and they're like getting pumped up. Like, yeah, when can we start filming? Great. And there's not even any sort of tension, anything in the script,

because all the girls are like, yeah, yeah, we all want to fuck this guy. And so it's just sort of like waiting for it to happen rather than going, gee, is he going to win again? Yeah, no, he's absolutely going to win. Oh, yeah, our show is basically an ad. It's an interstitial. Each episode is like 45 seconds long. It's very brief.

We get in, we hear all the names, Rick Tankard's done it again, carry over champ for another week. See you next Tuesday, guys. Yeah, yeah, that's it. Well, thanks, Rick. Thanks, Rick. So I've got about 15 hours in change and change left on my SD card. But we're doing this over Zoom and we do have to sync these files up.

So I should have checked at the start of this how long you've got on your SD card because I was ready to do this until the cows come home. But, yeah, we need to find out the same amount. I've got 17 hours left on my SD card. You've got 17 hours? Oh, right. Okay. I'll run out after you run out.

So there's no problem at all with my end. Okay. It should be absolutely fine. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. What's that? Oh, hang on a minute. Is this the comedy truck reversing? The SD card is absolutely fine, but the UTA is running out of battery.

Oh, no. Oh, okay. Look. You should have charged it. I think it's about to show. Hang on. Hang on. I've got like 15 seconds.

Hang on. All right. I'm going to have to get this. I'm going to get one name in if I can make it. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like Indiana Jones sliding underneath that cave wall. Hang on a minute.

Sure is. Oh, no. There's five seconds left. Come on. Hit me up with one. Two, one. Oh, we've got it. Oh Come on. Hit me up with one. Two, one. Oh, we've got it. Oh, great.

Oh, thanks, bud. I just spat it out in time before it turned off. Great. Just in time. Just in time. Thanks, bud, for that. People, I don't know if we've ever made this clear. The names come out on little sheets of paper, almost like a fortune cookie.

On the ticker. Just a tiny, yeah, just a tiny little, yeah, yeah. Mm. Mm. Well, thank goodness. We've got one left, so sorry. Oh, God. Sorry, everyone, that we've missed this week.

We'll endeavour to get around to you next week. I've got to remember to charge the UTA before we do this stuff. My bad. All right, one more. Thank you very much for the final time this week to Patreon subscriber. Okay. Wow, okay. Well, that is an interesting one for the last one for this week.

Okay. Again, I don't think – I said Joe. We haven't had many Joes. I'm pretty sure we haven't had many people with this first name or last name, to be honest. They're both quite odd. Awesome. Yeah. Oh, enough gabbing about it.

I guess we just say it. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Doritos Comedy. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Love that. So –

Huh. That, wow. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Love that. So, that's interesting. I mean, for starters, comedy is interesting though. Is this some kind of, because Doritos, like the chip brand, is comedy like a new flavor of Doritos that they're doing? Because they do love doing their like Mountain Dew flavor. They love their kind of like strange strange kind of collaboration flavors is it it reminds me a little bit of um one of the other people we read out this this week on the show um chris quinton yes um oh and and emma pringle um in that there's a

there's a chip name involved in the name i believe believe. Yeah. It's one thing that links those two names together. So do you think Doritos comedy would have a similar thing sexually where, I don't know, you get to the end of sex and it's just really crummy, you know, like the bottom of the bag? Yeah. Someone who's not very good with hygiene and they've got a bit of nacho cheese going on down there. Does their sex, when they root, does it sort of smell like someone's socks? Is that how it works? All right.

Well, thanks Doritos Comedy and thanks everyone who supports the Little Dumb Dumb Club on Patreon. We very much appreciate it. Thank you for listening. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Get a Dummy-O video. Get yourself some Dumb Dumb Club merch. Send us mail to the P.O. Box 6063. What's the suburb again?

Hawthorne West. 3122, Tommy. 3122. Thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.