The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 521 - Tom Ballard & Adam Rozenbachs

Episode Date: September 23, 2020

This week we're joined by TOM BALLARD and ADAM ROZENBACHS! Rozie lets us know all about his amazing replacement for being able to go on a pub crawl while in lockdown and we hear a detailed history of the Chandler shop dynasty in Maryborough and some of us confess to a history of shoplifting. PLUS it's week three of The Masked Pegger with new clues and new guesses!  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dum Dum Club, a brand new episode with guests Tom Ballard and Adam Rosenbarks. We have episode three of the Masked Pegger contained within this show. We also have merchandise, a whole bunch of other things that you can get over at littledumdumclub.com. We will talk to you more at the end of the episode in Talking Dum Dum, but until then, enjoy this new one with Tom Ballard and Adam Rosenbach. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us.

My name is Tommy Dasolo and with me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Oh, there's a very saucy little, is that a blouse or a dress behind you in the cupboard? I can see in this Zoom window. What's that you got there? That's a very... Yeah, man.

You've got the scoop. My wife wears women's clothing. Yeah, yeah. Well, I'd like to see you put that on and parade around in the window for me later on in the episode. That could be the big dismount. My wife, whatever it is, she cross-dresses twice, so she's back to normal. So, yeah, she does wear women's clothing and dresses.

Right, so she gets up every morning. She's right into it. She paints the moustache on. She gels the hair down, and then over that she puts a women's wig and then more makeup to cover up the fake moustache on, she gels the hair down and then over that she puts a women's wig and then more make-up to cover up the fake moustache. She's like Norman Bates in Psycho at the end, except she's a woman. So she's a bit of a freak like that.

Joining us today, we have two great guests. Please welcome Tom Ballard and Adam Rosenbach. Hey, dudes. Hello. Congratulations, Rosie, on being the first person in a Zoom window On this podcast to have a little fake background I did that because the room that I'm in is kind of office slash junk room So you would be able to see

It would reveal the magic that goes into my life And you would have been absolutely roasted like I was With the RE, the dress material from a minute ago. I couldn't put myself through that. I couldn't set myself up. You must have an absolute room full of frocks behind you and you've just absolutely gotten away with it.

I do. Well, I've just put a beard over my women's makeup and put a hat over the expensive wig that I put on before. God, I'd love to get a look at this filthy room by the end of the pod if that's possible. I've never really thought of the Zoom virtual background as having a practical application to hide shame. I didn't know the Zoom background was like a big rug

that you just swept everything under. That's exactly what it is. I was just saying that I've taken a photo of Rosie's messy background and that's actually my background. So what you can see in my shot is the absolute dog fucking pigsty that Rosie lives in and creates comedy in. That's what I'm bringing to you. And Ballard is actually my wife with a man costume over the top.

So, yeah. Hello. Oh, no. No. Hello Oh no No Don't say her name Don't say my name Don't say her name Oh no

Now for the For the listeners at home For the listeners at home Ballard is acting out a lot of different Sex stuff that the real wife of mine Won't even do so that is unfair For the listeners at home, Ballard is acting out a lot of different sex stuff that the real wife of mine won't even do. So that is unfair to be doing that in that window. So by saying she won't do it, are you saying less than 12 or is that a cut off?

Yeah, something like that. Let's all leave it at that since she has many friends that listen to this show. Kyle, are you trying to say that you married an Italian, but you kind of wish you'd married a Greek, if you know what I'm saying? I'd love to know what's hidden in that cupboard. That reminds me, I put something on social media this week that there's a pizza shop nearly directly in the middle of Tommy and I's house in terms of it's halfway between the two houses.

Like directly in the middle? Yeah, well done, well picked up. So it's a bit of a shitty pizza shop but I don't mind it for some reason and you go in there and they've signed all these plates or whatever. And one of the persons that signed a plate, like a celebrity, is the person who lives downstairs from Tommy Daslow, and that is Nick Giannopoulos, the Wog Boy himself. And he signed it as in, great pizza, the second best pizza in the world,

just behind mine, signed the wog boy and it's like since when are greeks known as fucking making pizzas like yeah that's not a thing you can't just joke off that well this gives me an in next time i see him in the street we've you know we've talked on the pod uh in the past about like potentially breaking the ice and uh and having the genopolis in the pod now i've got an in having Nick Ginopoulos in the pod. Now I've got an in. Now I can go, hey, I was in Silvio's Pizza and I saw your big boast about your pizza.

I mean, sorry if this is too forward, but God, I'd love to be invited in for a slice. Yeah, look, I was in Silvio's the other day. I got a pizza and it was okay. What I'm trying to say, Nick, is I've had the rest. Now it's time for me to have the best. Let's go upstairs. A pizza joints the domain of getting photos with the owner

and putting it up. Like pretty much you go down Ligon Street, it's just wall to wall. Like the La Paquita's in Rathdown Street in North Carlton's the same. Do famous people just love going to pizza stores? Which comes first yeah yeah yeah yeah that's a fair point i think the i think the pizza store owner is really fucking pushy and just you know barge their way into all sorts of photos you know grand prixs and

stuff i think that's a i think that's a good idea i think that's a big thing i i think i go to a lot of thai restaurants i've never seen a photo, never seen a photo up there because the people from the land of smiles, they're just too polite. That's true. Whereas Italians are fucking absolutely massive cunts. So I think that's how it works. Yeah. It's weird that other businesses don't do that.

Like I would like to see brothels with just like the walls filled with previous famous clients who have come in and had a great time and enjoyed their service. That'd be nice. Yeah. They might have a picture of the guest we were trying to get on this episode if they did that. Or just a photo of them trying.

Who is that joke for? Who is that joke for? For you, Bella. So I don't know why you're angry. Enjoyed the joke. I'm thinking of the listener. I'm always thinking of the listener. That would be good.

The window, like, similar to Silvio's pizza. So you go into the brothel and it's just a glass cabinet just full of signed condoms. Just like, best route I've ever had. Because you'd have to have something similar. The plate is the instrument. So, yeah, it would be the condom wrapper right yeah yeah tell me which footy players have been in that room i want to go in there you could go into where you hear you could fuck where your heroes are fucked oh yeah yeah yeah that's that's um that's quite good i would have thought not even the room, but like the lady themselves.

I would have thought, like if they can come out with their sort of, with their sort of sexual IMDB so that you know who they've been with. That makes sense, I think. That'd make you feel good.

What about like, if you were, if you were a professional, like if you were an autograph hunter, like someone who, you know those people that just love getting photos

with famous people and stuff signed. So let's say you've devoted most of your adult life to that and you've got this collection of just like yeah autographs signed things and whatnot and people are always telling you like this is such a pointless endeavor what can you ever do with this that would be great if you had all this stuff you had all these photos of you with famous people and then you open a restaurant because you've already got the wall of you with famous people ready to go. So like people going into this grand opening and there's already photos of you, the chef,

with all these like famous people. No, what about this? What about this even better? You go for a job at a restaurant and they say, have you got any experience? It's like, not really, but I've got photos with all these people. So if you employ me as a waiter, we can just whack these photos up on the wall and it looks like those famous people have eaten there. Let's be very clear.

A key part of the restaurant famous person photo is that famous person being in the restaurant. Very rarely does someone go into a restaurant and say, look, I met Tom Hanks one time. He has nothing to do with the establishment you're in. What pizza would you like? I really think the person needs to be in the venue where the photo

is displayed. We talked about this a long time ago on the show, like years and years and years, but Tommy and I, Tommy, you were with us I think, we went to a Indian restaurant in the city that's no longer there, but what was so funny was, it was an

Indian, you'd remember this rosie remember how there used to be an indian restaurant in the city and the guy the owner was like a mad mad mad cricket fan and so indian it was like this tradition that yeah yeah i know weird he was so um yeah yeah so um whenever there was a touring party that would go through australia um they would all this big tradition it would be in the papers and whatever they'd go there for Yeah, yeah. So whenever there was a touring party that would go through Australia, they would all, this big tradition, it would be in the papers and whatever, they'd go there for dinner. And so over the years, they'd have been there for years,

and the guy had so many pictures of him with Imran Khan or David Gao or whoever the touring party was that year in the Test cricket. And so it was just chockers with all these pictures of this guy with all these very famous pictures of him and Ian Botham or whatever. And we were in there and we were just looking around waiting for our meal. And the thing is he had all these legitimate photos and then in the middle of all of them, he had the world's worst Photoshopped picture of him

standing next to Serena Williams. I was like... It was so out of place it was so like he'd he'd nearly cut out a picture off the front cover

of Woman's Day and then just stuck a picture of him next to it it's like you've got all these real ones why did you need

to do that one and also so only the one photoshopped one like why stop there and why stop at Serena Williams just like

why bother having any real ones if you're if you're prepared to photoshop like why stop at and why stop at Serena Williams? Just, like, why bother having any real ones if you're prepared to Photoshop? Like, why stop at one? And also, but also, instead of that being impressive or anything, it actually made me think negatively of the restaurant because what it said to me was,

there's no way Serena Williams has ever fucking gone in this joint. Right, right. There's absolutely no way. That's why he's had to Photoshop it. Tennis players aren't eating in D. So if it's not good enough for Serena. I reckon cricket is like the one sport where elite sportsmen are able to eat a

very heavy meal that will make you shit yourself on a regular basis. It's too heavy for tennis players. It's a real risk. I don't know if you'd want to eat cricket in your whites though. Yes, that's a good point. I don't reckon Indian is exactly what you want to be eating for five days of test cricket. Maybe

that's why they invented one day cricket. That's why good point. I don't reckon Indian is exactly what you want to be eating for five days of test cricket. Maybe that's why they invented one-day cricket. That's why they invented all the different coloured gear. Overnight, time to have a bit of a soak. You know what? We'll invent 2020 and we can all have the Vindaloo. Go the Rogan Josh, mate. Yeah, we're not out there all day. KFC sponsored the cricket.

That's not like the best thing to be eating before you do a sport. Why not have like KFC in conjunction with Nappy San presents the 2020, you know? We're in Melbourne. We're recording in Melbourne. We've got the mask rule in Melbourne at the moment. This morning, I've talked about this a lot on the show. I love going to the David Jones Food Court in South Yarra. That is within my five kilometre radius that I'm allowed to go to.

So I nipped off down there to lunch to get my muffin, my favourite chocolate muffin that they've got there. You had sweets for lunch? Yeah, but I get a sandwich with it. I look around the shop, I'm like, well, I have to get something. So I get a sandwich. A lot of carb loading there, mate. Yeah, yeah I get a sandwich with it. I look around the shop. I'm like, well, I have to get something. So I get a sandwich. A lot of carb loading there, mate. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. So I got down there and I saw someone I know that actually works in production and TV. And I thought this would be funny. And I just sort of raced up to him. And he didn't see me coming. And so I raced up to him and just sort of yelled in his face, Oh, I can't believe you. You wear a mask. This is all a pandemic. and so I raced up to him and just sort of yelled in his face, oh, I can't believe you.

You wear a mask. This is all a plandemic. It's a shandemic and you believe in it. I can't. Unreal. And he just looked around just absolutely horrified and then I realised that the people standing around him were also with him. It was like they were on lunch break from a TV show

that was being made. It was like they were on lunch break from a TV show that was being made. It was actually Are You Paying Attention? Have You Been Paying Attention? The show. So all the people from that show were there. And I've just run up and screamed this in his face as a joke. And then it's like then you wait for them to laugh and no one laughs. And then I realise, oh, I'm just a guy in a mask yelling stuff at people.

He can't recognise you. Yeah. Like I'm not best mates with this guy. So, like, even without a mask he probably would have taken a couple of seconds to figure out who it was. With a mask, he's got no idea

who the fuck I am. Yeah. The other people with him are visibly shaken. Yeah. And I'm like... Yeah. I'm like, fuck,

do I pull the mask down or what's the etiquette here? At least now you have an excuse as to why you're never going to be on and have you been paying attention funny story I think I'm insane at least I don't have to be bitter I don't have to be like

how come I've never been on it's like yeah I know why I've never been on it fuck I wish I had that so you did a bit of being a anti-mask I've been on it. It's like, yeah, I know why I've never been on it. Exactly, they think I'm in trouble. Fuck, I wish I had that. So you did a bit of being an anti-mask, like pro-scandemic person while wearing a mask? While wearing the mask, yeah. I think that's probably why the cogs are taking a few moments to turn as well.

So it's like, it's just an assault on all fronts. It's the lack of not being able to recognise you and then it's just also, it's an incredibly confusing bit. The waters are so muddy. I'll be fair. Look, to be fair, I won't be doing it on the gala. I'll have to work it up a bit before I do it on anything. But yeah.

You weren't even near a 5G tower to really bring it home. No, no. I'm not blaming the audience on this one. That was my bad. I get it. I'll go blaming the audience on this one. That was my bad. I get it. I'll go back to the old drawing board. I liked how you called the show, Are You Paying Attention? Not Have You Been Paying Attention?

So it's not about, that's a quiz show that's not about the news. It's about, are you paying attention? It's about the quiz show that you're in the middle of doing. So it's just questions about what's just happened on the show that you're on. No, it's a cross between have you been paying attention and are you being served. So you have to answer all the questions in a very effeminate way. You don't hit the buzzer. You just go, I'm free, Colin.

I'm free. You've got to talk about your pussy for no reason. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bonus round. Got to wedge that into every Putin reference. It's something about, yeah, Putin, round Gotta wedge that into every Every Putin reference Is something about Yeah, Putin Putin it up my pussy

Could you imagine writing that show? Like at one point It would have been Like they put the script And they go Fuck, we haven't mentioned Mrs Slocum's pussy We've gotta crowbar that in

Or is it just like every scene you go, can we do it here? Where do we do it? You know what it's like, Rosie? There would be a day in the writer's room where it's like, all right, we've got a new season coming up. Look, we haven't got this guest star confirmed. We haven't got this script confirmed.

We've got nothing to do. Okay, Rosie, you've got a spare day. Just write pussy puns for a day and we can use them coming up. That is mechanically how that show would have worked. Absolutely. And then Rosie's like, coincidentally, I've actually got a whole drawer of them ready to go. But then given comedians are like they're like,

at some stage there is a conversation where it's like, oh, these cunts on this show don't know what the fuck they're doing. Like the head writer, I gave him this fucking great pussy joke and he's like, nah, too far. What the fuck does he know? Has he ever done stand-up? I did that at Spleen and it fucking killed. Not enough pussy puns at Spleen.

So this interaction in the street, when the guy did recognise you, when he worked out what was going on, what was the response then? Did he concede that he'd been gotten by a great piece of comedy? Yeah, he sort of was like... I think the good thing was he realised who it was, so it was just a big sense of relief,

because I think he really thought he was in some form of danger. So then when it was like, oh, it's Chandler, so I think it was more like, oh, great, it's Chandler, and that insane thing that just happened now makes sense because it was fucking him. Right. Yeah, okay, that makes sense. And they probably went back to the office

to see if they could work out how they could get that into the show. Well, yeah, yeah. Which dumb cunt just ran up to me in the street yeah yeah yeah but then then he introduces me to the other people that work on the show and i'm like i probably don't need this intro you know before this they didn't know who i was and now they definitely know who i am i think i was better off being unknown. Yeah. Tonight's guest quiz master, some 43-year-old freak holding a muffin. Here he is, guys. Yeah.

Yeah. I did actually say after it all happened, like I got the intro and everything and they're just sort of looking at me and I was like, you know, this coronavirus, has anyone got it tonight? Do I need to fill in for anyone or what's going on? They're like, no, no, we're fine. Thank you very much. Spread rumors that Lloyd Langford's got the coronavirus

and he can't do the show. And then you're just there waiting in the wings, eating a muffin out of the gutter, ready to be called up on the set. I saw some action last night. I was at a Bubble Buddies place yesterday watching the footies, having a few beers there. And I was walking home and stopped in. I do a bit of a bottle shop crawl on the way home. And so I'd stopped.

Hang on, hang on, hang on. Let's talk about that. You do a bottle shop crawl. Yeah, yeah. So Melbournians now are allowed two hours out for walking. And so on a Saturday, I'll just walk around for two hours just going and stopping at bottle shops, like a pub corporate. Yeah, like one can, drink it in the street,

and then on to the next one. I love it. That's sick. Oh, really? You buy one can and you're allowed to drink outside? Yeah, I think in most suburbs you are. Okay. Are you allowed to pull down your mask?

You just stand out the... Yeah, yeah. So I kind of just wear the mask under the chin, which is pretty cool. And people see you with a beer, so they think, I'm not going to argue with this guy. He's clearly some sort of crackpot.

Yeah. Another thing that I do is get the, you know, the sort of thermosy flask type thing, and I'll fill that up with Riesling and just walk around and drink that. Oh, yeah, yeah is that real a bit of a wine walk yeah it keeps it really chilled it's great oh that's good because we were talking about that way back when it was like that you know the rule is okay we've all got it pretty hard street drinking day drinking is

fine take the handbrake off let us do what the fuck We want Turn this whole place Into Vegas For a little while Fuck that's That's great Yeah I'm There's not enough Outside day drinking

Agreed The bottle shop The bottle shop Attendees near you Must absolutely Love you Rosie They see you coming in Ah Mr Rosenbachs

Another three dollar Can of carton Drought this week Is it And I stand there For ages I stand there For ages looking Because there's so much Mr. Rosenbach's, another $3 can of carton draft this week, is it? And I stand there for ages looking because there's so much on offer now. There's all these beers where you're like, you don't want to... Fucking passion fruit sour beers. You're going, just don't fucking drink a beer.

That's fine. You don't like beer. You don't have to drink that. So last night I was in... That is great if you do that. If you spend half an hour looking at every single beer and then every time just go, one VB, thanks. You are absolutely known to that bottle shop.

Asking if you can do a tasting. Yeah, just really taking the absolute piss. Tell me about the hops in this one, my good man. This is my pub now. This is my pub now this is my pub now yeah yeah you know what i've always wanted to do is to just wear like a big parka and go into the cold room and just drink until you get booted because i reckon you'd last like a few hours before someone from the staff from the store came in and went hours because i don't reckon the people from the store came in and went, mate, you better. A few hours. Well, because I don't reckon the people from the store go in there.

Yeah, because it's only customers. Yeah, yeah. Right. Yeah, you're right. It's a big enough one, yeah. Yeah. That's good. Like, if the bottle shop is part of a pub, surely that's licensed.

So there's technically nothing wrong with doing that. But I was thinking like a big sort of, you know, a big bottle shop where they have the cool room out the back. So you just go and park yourself in there and just drink. And, you know, I'm happy to pay for it, but just see how long I last until they boot me. Oh, that's a big of you. I'm not an idiot.

Very big of you. I'm not an animal. Okay. Like the bottle shops within a pub, that's one thing. But I was just thinking of like Dan Murphy's, which I don't think you could just start canning on. At Woolworths. Yeah.

Yeah, because you can't have it both ways. If it's the cool room of a bottle shop in a pub, they're going to see you in there. You need the size of a suburban Dan Murphy's. You're treating this like you're fucking picking grapes out of the fruit section on the way through Coles. The idea of you leaving Dan Murphy's and just throwing six empty cans down on the counter

and being like, had them. Yeah, look, I'm doing the right thing. I drank them in here. But yeah, I owe you 20 bucks for these. In the middle of summer, they see me walking in like a big Catman dude jacket and beanie. Where did that guy go? I haven't seen him for two hours. Camping chair under the arm.

Yeah, yeah. Yes, bit of a sunday sesh i i love i love the idea that you are doing that at like the bottle shop that's part of a pub and then you just park yourself in the cool room and drink there by yourself because you're like love going to the pub hate all the cunts to hang out in there just just just want bit of alone time. Yeah, it's summer, the air conditioner's broken. Yeah, this is the only cool spot. Perfect. And if it wasn't like a Dan Murphy's, when people come in, you could help them out

because you've been in there long enough that you know where everything is. You go, I wouldn't get those Coopers Purple, mate. It's pretty shit. I'd go to the Asahi's if I was you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Get this.

I mean, I drink this myself. I'm literally drinking it right now yeah you can have a sip of one of mine if you want this is a great idea for a theme pub like you know those like ice rooms that they have where like the it's just like a room that you go into that's just incredibly cold i've never understood the appeal of it but if you're surrounded by slabs and it's an actual like it's a pub that's themed on a cool room out the back of a bottle shop i'm fucking way into that that'd be sick it's maybe if they treat it like a buffet as well because if you're just surrounded by all that grog all the time

and you just you can just pick up whatever you want if you just pay 50 bucks on the way in and you can just take whatever you want out of whatever carton, and you don't have to get served at any point. See, that's a winner. Or do they weigh you on the way in, and then you're not allowed to have a piss? And so they just go, you put on 1.2 kilos and whatever that's worth. Yes.

Right, like frozen yogurt places. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The stouts are heavier. They're not a good, it's not a good value proposition. You can't be adding that on. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, yeah. Don't, yeah, it becomes like the buffet.

Don't fill up on stout. Yeah, rookie mistake. So, I was in the Bottle-O last night getting a Traveller because I was halfway on my walk home. And there were two hipsters in there, young guys, probably about mid-20s, and they were walking up to pay. And so one guy's in front and he's got a bottle. And then the other guy's wearing what looked,

I think it was a denim jacket. And this bottle of wine just fucking falls out of the jacket and onto the floor. And he was trying to steal, like, just a bottle of red. And the guys have absolutely fucking kicked off. Because I had my headphones on and I saw it drop. And so I took the headphone out and I was like, oh, this is going to be fun.

And so I'm just standing there watching it. And I don't reckon the mate knew that his friend was stealing a bottle of wine, right? But are you sure? Are you sure? Because I've had this happen before. I've seen it happen before where someone steals

and the other one's up the front at the till going, um, so this VB... Now, what does VB stand for? And, like, asking just insane questions to distract the guy at the till. Well, so the guy, the mate offered to pay,

he goes, oh, I'll pay for it. And the guy's like, nah, fuck that. we're calling the cops and um the other guy's going i'm sorry you know we'll just leave and he's like fuck that you're not leaving and so he just stood in front of them and they called the cops it was great oh wow and did you stay there the whole time and just window shop the whole time i was on my way through and i was getting close to the end of curfew so i would have got would have gotten a fine for breaking the curfew yeah well especially when the cops turned up yeah yeah exactly i'd invited them in and i was halfway home so damn great but were you guys shoplifters when you were younger no i never did it never because because my parents ran shops right so i was like

i'm on the side of big shop you know know, I'm horrified by people like that. I suppose you're in a country town too. It probably feels a bit worse. Like us city folk, Tommy, we'd just be all over it. Yeah, well, it's a victimless crime for you city folk. But, you know, in Maribor, you know everyone. Like you know who you're stealing from. They know you.

Yeah, people. Well, I think of it badly because i would see i saw someone steal out of our shop one time and i was like it made me physically ill so yeah i was i fucking absolutely hated it did you fire up it was done that way chase him out did you go judge dread on them or no i caught I caught this guy. Yeah, I caught this guy. Hell yeah. I don't know if I've talked about this. What sort of store did your folks have?

They owned many different stores. They had a deli to start with. Don't tell me this guy's Stolten or Strasburg. No, no. Look, if he can reach through the plate glass, he can fucking have it. But it was a deli slash sort of a coffee shop sort of thing. Then they owned a shoe shop.

Wow. Like for like? Then they owned a... Yeah, then they went back old school and they owned a coffee shop. Were you ever privy to those conversations where they go, I'm fucking sick of meat.

What are we doing? And your mum just goes, I reckon shoes. Yeah, I was walking past barefoot and they go, Eureka, I've got it. You know, all these people coming into the coffee shop seem to be wearing these things on their feet. I reckon there's a market here. Let's diversify yeah yeah um yeah no we in the coffee shop we just had heaps of razors on the ground the whole time and so everyone would just cut

their shoes up and go fuck we need new ones of these oh that's this gives me an idea uh yeah like owning the tattoo parlor and the removal place at the same time. Yes, yes, yes. So we had the deli, we had the shoe shop, we had the – have I talked about this on the show? What I was privy to, Rosie, was I was privy to the naming of each shop. Did they go with puns? Well, worse in this instance. So I remember being actually asked my opinion on the names, but I was like eight years old or ten years old, whatever at the time.

So I'm like putting in my input thinking these are good ideas. It's a shoe-in. And like being very – no, that's better. I would be offended that I wasn't listened to in the end. But in hindsight, I'm like, why the fuck was my parents asking an eight-year-old for advice on a shoe shop name? Getting you to do a bit of punch up on the shop name. Yeah, yeah.

But I couldn't get anything through. All right, Carl, you've given us footy footy walk walk. I don't think that's going to work out for us. Yeah, and sitting around like, oh, and these old cunts in charge, they don't know what they're talking about. They've just been in the job too long. They need to get some new, fresh ideas in. They don't get me.

Tell you what, this shoe shop has lost the eight-year-old market. None of my mates are going to be walking in and buying any Grosbees out of this joint, that's for sure. So they went with, so the first shop's name was Chandler's Deli, which is pretty sweet, pretty iconic. You can't, you know, you haven't, it's pretty simple but it works basically. It says it all. Was that fun for you?

Like did you have the best sandwiches going around at school? Man, I was a street kid. So I lived like it was, but no, but that's, I would spend all my time from 3.30 till like 6 o'clock or whatever every day down the street. So my mum and dad would be serving in the shop, and so I'd just be wandering around the fucking shop. So I knew every shop in Maribor like the back of my hand. I'd just be wandering in and out all fucking day. The news agents fucking hated me.

Just incredible brag there. I knew every shop in Marib shot in the back of my hand why did the news agent hate you oh yeah i was i was in there i i would i'd be in there three times so that was like your library I would literally go in there Oh absolutely Absolutely Did you do the mad fold-ins? Were you that kid? No because I bought them day one

And then brought them home I had too much respect for the craft I would absolutely not do the fold-in in the store That's for idiots I'd bring them home You know what? I wouldn't even do the fold-ins Because to real connoisseurs Of Mad Magazine Like myself

That's That's like the The shit that gets people in Like that's That's not the smart stuff Alright That's That's for idiots

That just want to Fucking wreck a magazine Okay Yeah I was just saying I didn't want to damage the Yeah I didn't want to damage The back cover

I could never bring myself I'd do that kind of like Half Curve it Kind of hold it Curve it Curve it and hold it over And squeeze it

Exactly I think I get I think I get the gist. I think I sort of understand what's going on here. Yeah, it's a straight. I just, yeah, curve it and go, oh, Richard Nixon. I get it, I guess. Or you go, there's like half a devil's head on the left-hand side and half a devil's head on the right-hand side and then just something completely innocuous in the middle. I reckon if I fold this together, I'm going to get an idea of what came out of it.

Yeah, not Jaffe's finest. Not Jaffe's finest. I can just mentally delete the middle here. He's sort of taken a bit of a snooze on this one. Yeah, exactly. But there was a very old lady that owned the newsagents called Mrs. Ritchie, who was an absolute bitch. More like Mrs. Bitchie. Nice. lady that owned the newsagents called mrs richie who was an absolute bitch and she was like mrs

bitchy nice yeah well again i didn't have that wherewithal back then i didn't have that punch up skill but she she once um the highlight the highlight of our conversations with her is she used to always tell us off and she was always really mean to us and whatever and one time we were like looking at magazines and she walked past and went, magazines aren't for reading boys. And we just turned around and went, what are they for? Eating? Yeah.

Absolutely got her. What a monumental day. And what did she, did she just like burst into ash and then dissipate into the air? No. I think she was like 90 years old. I think she probably didn't hear us. I think it absolutely didn't matter what we said. The sweetest victory.

Yeah. So, yeah, I'd be in there three times a day just going, is the new Mad Magazine in yet? And they'd be like, no. Like at 3.25, it's not in. It's now 4.25. It's still not in. We unpacked the magazines first thing in the morning.

It's not in. Try tomorrow. Those are absolute pain in the ass. But so Chandler's Deli, then the shoe shop. Chandler's Shoes. What would you go with? You got it, but how would you spell it? Now, here's the genius.

How would you spell shoes? S-H-U-Z or something fresh like that. I think it was S-H-U-U-Z. What? Why? Well, because Chandler's shoes, S-H-O-E-S, up the street was going to clash with him. Yeah, yeah. You know where Uncle runs his shoes, don't you?

No, but fuck him. Maybe it was because my parents were importing shoes from Taiwan or something and they were pirate shoes. They weren't actually shoes. We can't legally describe these shoes. You weren't allowed to use the name in the title. That would make me very worried. I'd be like, are you sure you know what you're doing?

You don't seem to be able to spell the product that you're selling to everybody. Right, right. Shoes. Yeah, what was the thing? Was it to just try and sound different or fresh or funny or what honestly i think it was like i think it was like 1983 so it was like cool let's you know let's let's this is like electric boogaloo you know let's let's be funky let's be cool and what did eight-year-old carl say about it oh i didn't i didn't really understand i to be honest i was

like okay it's got this funky name and whatever. How come we don't sell anything like Adidas or Nike or anything? We just seem to sell black school shoes and fucking that's it. We sold the most boring shoes. It's embarrassing because your parents own a shoe shop. Cool. What sort of shoes do you get? The worst shoes, like worse than everyone else?

Because we don't... So it's a misrepresentation. You get the local teens in going, well, this place must be cool. It's because S-H-E-W-U-Z. And they go in there like, fucking hell, man. It's Chandler's.

I've got no fucking idea. Let's go to the local shoe store and do some drugs and go skateboarding. Let's go to the local shoe store and do some drugs and go skateboarding. Maybe it was a reaction to when shoplifters would come into the shop and my mum and dad have gone, let's just sell stuff that no one will want to steal. Let's just get the worst fucking shit in there. Did people ever steal from the shoe store?

Because you'd only really get one shoe, wouldn't you? And then just, what do you do? Pray they put out the right one the next day? Yeah, that's a good question. Yeah, you return to the scene of the crime to finish the set. But you're overestimating the population of Maribor, Rosie, I think. I think they don't mind stealing anything that's not fucking nailed down.

We probably went through ten shoe horns a day in that shop. But there must be in all shoe stores, particularly the ones with high-end sneakers and stuff, there must be people going in there, sitting down, they try on the shoes and then they just run out of the fucking store, right? Wouldn't you

just leave your old shitty shoes? Every time I've tried on a pair of shoes, that thought has been in my head for like one second every time. Like, I could just go. I could just leg it right now. And then I've just got them. And you're absolutely aided. You're absolutely aided by the fact you're now wearing running shoes.

It's actually helping you get away. So what did you do to the guy that you caught shoplifting? What happened there? Well, like I said to to rosie um there was someone up the front going um what uh what's a mars bar um what's a milky way um what's coke and like my mom's up the front going it's a chocolate bar it's another chocolate another chocolate bar it's drink. I mean, she could have said one contains, you know, coconut and one, you know. She could have actually given a detailed representation of what they are. No wonder you got out of the deli.

Yeah, look, you know. Well, if my mum's listening to this, look, if you remember the incident, maybe she gave the full detail. This is a long time ago. Oh, Carl's mum. I shouldn't beg. No, shut up. No. I'm Carl's mum. I shouldn't beg. No, shut up. No.

Carl's mum's Greek. Okay. Don't I know anyone with any other culture? Fuck, no. I'm Carl's baby. Yay. No. Not cool.

I've shoplisted once in my life, and I was what you're talking about. I was the patsy up the front. It was me and my friend. It was the night before the last day of grade six, and we wanted to egg some people at school the next day, so we needed eggs. But we decided we had better shoplift them because when we did the egging, we didn't want there to be a paper trail linking us to the carton of eggs.

So we decided that we'd better like keep it off the grid. So I was up the front. He went around the back and it was like a little mini supermarket near my house that had like sort of small steps up and out to the back door. And like the, there was like the um sensor like the um you know detector thing but then there was like a little gap around the side where you could stand and just pass stuff over so he's around there doing a bit of like mission impossible style like dangling himself around behind the sensor while i'm yeah literally up the front going like oh

they call these fags that seems pretty weird you can still get away with that in this day and age. But yeah, one pack of these, I guess. Oh, you were doing some woke decoying. That's very nice. But then I remember like getting the eggs and like, you know, so this would have been, yeah, so end of grade six, so like pretty young and for like the next month, like anytime there was a knock on the door thinking,

this is the cops coming to take me away. Like just, I've never done anything like that since because just the stress of looking over my shoulder for that long was just really soul destroying. But hang on, hang on. Are we not all shoplifting from Woolworths or Coles at the automatic checkout thing? Don't you guys do that?

Do you have any sympathy for them? They're evil. Evil corporations. That's well behind before my time, Tom Ballard. I mean, we were lucky to have a supermarket back then. But are you shopping now?

I mean, now. You mean currently. You mean now. Yes. No, I'm a grown-up that has money, Tom Ballard. So, no. I don't shoplift.

All right. Well, you're missing a sweet, sweet thrill. You're going to stick it to the fat cats, man. I have half a podcast, all right, well, you're missing a sweet, sweet thrill. You're going to stick it to the fat cats. I have half a podcast, all right, mate? I can pay for my own rollers. What happened to you, Chase, in the shoplifter?

Yeah, so while the decoy is up the front, the guy is... So is this the deli? No, this is the next shop after Chandler Shoes when they went back to a coffee shop. And this is when they asked me for advice and they absolutely did not take it. They asked me, so I'm about, what, 11 by this stage or something like that, maybe 11 or 12.

Coffee with a K. And they asked me, no, no, no. So they asked me what the name of the coffee shop should be. And I thought about it. I was like, I've got it. The Downtown Sit-Down. Oh, my God. That's what I pitched.

That's what I pitched. I just like the idea that I thought that anywhere in Meribah, in the two blocks of there being a main street, there's a downtown. There's a downtown in Maribor anywhere. I think I was confusing New York with Maribor. It sounds sus. Something about it makes it sound like it's a dodgy kind of place.

You know, the old downtown sit-down? I don't know, something about it. To be fair, Chandler's Shoes sounds a lot dodgier. Spelled S-H-W-Z. Yeah, true, true. Well, we're all smart in hindsight. We're all smart when we're not 11 years old anymore. I understand. I understand why Robert and Elaine decided to go with Terrace Coffee Corner instead.

Terrace? Terrace Coffee Corner. That's it. Great. Okay. Okay. Yeah, I mean, when you put it like that. It was on a corner.

I don't think that's any better than Downtown Sit Down. Now that you've told us the actual name, I can see why you were so angry. Yours is legitimately better than that. It's got a bit of the cool, you know, CAF Central Perk kind of vibe to it. Yes. Like where all the cool kids would hang out yeah after they bought their shoes if yeah if ross and rachel were on there yeah exactly absolutely what it was like it was it was legitimately it was a coffee shop that was opposite the the marabara court so it was just full filled with people that had just you know lost their domestic

abuse case and have come in for a quick cappuccino so it was it was some pretty good stuff and what and you know what are the details

of this domestic abuse case throwing a shoe at their partner which they got from Chandler's shoes this all links up I wonder if there do you think there are

any long time Chandler business fans in Maryborough who like word gets around, you know those guys that made a fucking, you know, a great salami

a few years ago? Well, they're back and now they're peddling clarks. Yeah, they're Chandler completists. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They want to,

they want to go to all of them. I'll follow these guys wherever they go. If they move to Clunes and open up a shop there, I'm going with them. I'm backing up. I'm not going down the street.

Chandlers are like David Bowie. You don't know what they're going to come out with next. They're going to absolutely transform themselves. I mean, I love their coffee scrolls, but I also love their phones. No, they're not David Bowie. I'm just a tragic. They're fucking Amazon.

That's what they are. They're going to take over every element of your life. I'm getting my coffee from Chandler's, my shoes from Chandler's. You'll dominate the marketplace. Well, so to answer Rosie's question, so what happened with the shoplifting incident was while the decoy was happening at the front of the shop, in the back of the shop,

the guy was sort of like getting the nerve ready to sort of steal something and i was watching him he was being very nervous and i was just sitting at a table oh this is like age 12 or 13 or something like that and so he was being very nervous and so i was just sitting there watching him um because i the great thing was i was almost like an undercover detective i was just sitting at one of the tables like a normal customer. I was just sitting there eating a Milky Way or something. They had no idea that I was a plant. So I'm sitting there watching and the guy goes to steal something

and he reaches his hand up and legitimately gets like a packet of Lifesavers and just drops it down into his sleeve and down the the coat pocket down the coat um sleeve and um but he's doing it in front of a cabinet so i can see not only him doing it but i can see the reflection of him doing it so i'm like seeing it twice as he's absolutely done here so you're sitting there you've got your copy of mad magazine with alfred inhuman's eyes cut out. No, no, because again, I don't do the fold in, so I'm not going to cut the eyes out.

That was like a cracked magazine that I did that with. So then he goes to leave. It literally goes like that. The guy at the front is going, what's a Mars bar? Okay, what's a Polly Waffle? Okay, and what's a Crunchy? And then once the guy finishes and front is going, what's a Mars bar? Okay, what's a Polly Waffle? Okay, and what's a Crunchy? And then once the guy finishes and steals the Lifesavers, he just sort of walks back past the guy, the first mate.

And then the first mate is sort of going, and what's Burger Rings? Okay, I'm done here. All right. No, I don't think I'll buy anything. Goodbye. Goodbye. And then I stand up and go, what about the Lifesavers? Book him. Yeah, really good stuff.

Really good stuff. And then the guy goes to water. The guy just goes, what Lifesavers? And I go, the one in your jacket. And he's like, oh, oh, oh. And then he just gets them out of his packet and just throws them at the counter and goes, I didn't mean it.

And then just runs out. And then the guy, the front, the decoy, is still at the counter talking to my mum. And then he's just watching it all. And then the guy runs out of the shop. And then he's just watching it all. And then he just, like, the guy runs out of the shop. And then the guy just turns to mum and goes, I had no idea he was here. And mum goes, don't worry, I believe you.

And I'm like, what's wrong with you? And then from that day on, they never let you go to school again. And so you just sat in the cafe full time. Yes. Yeah, working for the family from then on. I was so effective. I was about, I think I was about 12 or something like that. Yeah, it's just such an incredible recollection of a story

in which you are a child. Like, I'd love to see the video footage of how it actually goes. It's just such an incredible recollection of a story in which you are a child. I'd love to see the video footage of how it actually goes. Because how old were these guys doing this? Were they teenagers? Yeah, I remember the guy still. They were a year below me. Oh, they were younger than you.

Yeah. The guy's last name was Jamison I remember that because I remember his nickname was Gemmo because that was the sort of thing when I moved from Maryborough I found out that Gemmo wasn't an insult I thought that Gemmo was just a general insult but now in hindsight

I realise that we made that up about one guy and just made a generalisation we were basically going to other people, you're him, you're that guy because he's a fuckhead, so you're him. I thought Gemma was like dickhead or something like that. I thought that was known all around the world until I moved out of Mirabai.

A fucking small was your town. A fascinating mind. A fascinating mind that can think that and then bust this lifesaver racket. In the same brain, it's just so fascinating. Yeah, the racket. I brought down that racket. Yeah, pretty proud of myself.

You may have seen me on Mirabarra Crime Stoppers. Yeah. I wouldn't have made it to that because it was case solved. We didn't need to ask any questions about it. I absolutely cracked it. Yeah, we've No, well, I wouldn't have made it to that because it was case solved. We didn't need to ask him questions about it. I absolutely cracked it. Yeah, we've done it again. Old dumb cunt Columbo himself wrapped that one up very quickly.

See, you hear about stuff like that and that must be the thrill of it, right? People talk about... I don't care if people steal shit, generally speaking, but people do it for the thrill so they don't even need the thing that they're stealing. They just like the kind of sense that they're getting away with stealing stuff.

I never understood that. That seems like too much effort to me. Yeah. Well, I guess. I think it's a teenage thing as well. But also, they're lifesavers. They're not bad. You know, why not?

They're refreshing. They taste nice. They're minty. True. See, I'd go fruit tingles more, but anyway. Yeah, totally. Yeah, me too You're okay with stuff being stolen

As long as it's yummy Is that what you're saying So a car That's out But one of your favourite muffins That's a fair game That reminds me of the time I nearly

Stolen Stolen Already stolen car What? So I was at The Remember the public bar

In North Melbourne? Hang on, hang on a minute. Hang on a minute. This wasn't when my parents had Chandler's Dozers, was it? And I missed this. What about the car up your sleeve? He didn't mean it. So the public bar was one of those really

What about that Nissan? It was one of those really late openers kind of place Like you'd finish at one pub And then the public bar was always open It was open until five In North Melbourne Yeah And so me and myself had been out all night

And we ended up there And we came out onto Elizabeth Street there in North Melbourne And there was a dumped car there So the doors were open, the window had already been smashed. And I got in it with my mate and put my car key... Because why not? It looks inviting. Put my car key into the ignition and it turned to accessories, right? So everything came on, radio, all that kind of stuff.

And the windscreen wipers had turned on and stuff. And we were trying to start the car and it fucking fortunately wouldn't start because if it started i reckon we would have i would have driven it home oh how old were you 22 so someone had already stolen the car dumped it there and i tried to re-steal it and couldn't and thankfully and also quite lucky because given you're making those decisions and you're at that place, I'm assuming that you were perhaps under the influence.

Slightly, yeah, yeah. No, that would have been like a sliding doors moment. That would have been like big fucking trouble. Yeah. There would have been a much different background behind you than the MCG at the moment while we're talking to you, I would imagine. Rosie? Yeah. been a much different background behind you than the mcg at the moment we're talking to you i would imagine rosie yeah this would be this would be your one hour of talking to anyone from jail at the moment this would be uh talking through the plate glass and also like trying to explain

it to mom and dad the next morning why there's this fucking beat-up corolla in the um in the driveway how did you get oh you're still living at home at this point. That's incredible. Yeah. Yeah, that's great. Yeah. Good news. I've got that $10 you gave me for the taxi last night still,

so you can have that back. Hey, so guys, what about this? We've had a new segment on the show in the last few weeks, and I'll introduce this to you guys. You guys are now part of it. Now, Tom Ballard, you know part of this, maybe, because you were at the very start of all this. Remember, Tom Ballard, possibly the last time,

no, the second last time you were on this show, it was the start of the virus hitting. It was the start of us going into lockdown, the start of everything like this happened. And we talked about what we wanted done whilst we were going to be in lockdown. And immediately, this is like a minute into the show, Tom Daslow, co-host of this program, said his aim was to get, in 2020, his aim was to get pegged by his girlfriend.

I remember it well. As in, do you know that term, Adam Rosenbach? Do you know pegged by his girlfriend. I remember it well. As in, do you know that term, Adam Rosenbach? I am familiar with it, yes. That is the art of basically a strap-on dildo being inserted into the anus from another partner via a harness. For anyone out there,

for any children listening for the first time, just a little bit of education there. I'm right off the idea now hearing that description from you. You managed to turn something extremely fun into boring admin somehow that's very gross. I'm just explaining it in case you need to buy any of the parts in Maribor at Chandler's Cutlets, that's all. Chandler's House of Peg.

in Maribor at Chandler's Cutlets. That's all. Chandler's House of Peg. So that's what Tommy said. Now, I took him at his word, and we ended up buying presents for ourselves. We were doing a lot of online shopping. So a couple of weeks ago,

I presented to Tommy a nice little present, and that was a strap-on, a dildo with the harness for his girlfriend's pleasure to wear. Now, the dildo itself was not just off the rack. I'm not some sort of impersonal. I'm not someone that wants to buy someone a gift voucher and go, oh, whatever you reckon. I've added the personal touch. What the dildo is, is it has been modelled, literally modelled off a comedian's penis, a mystery comedian's penis.

So the last two weeks on the show, Tommy has the item in question. I'm assuming he's familiarising himself with it. He's lubing it up. He's getting himself ready. He's priming. He's a sweet little but priming. Singing to it. His sweet little butthole.

Singing to it every night before bed. Taking it out for having some candlelit dinners with it. Two hours of exercise every day. Yep. Yeah, it's been great this weekend. I've been able to just sit in the park with it. You're not going to use it beforehand. Your girlfriend's going to be the first crack at it. She's been great this weekend. I've been able to just sit in the park with it. You're not going to use it beforehand. Your girlfriend's going to be the first crack at it.

Now, she's strapping it on. But you can use it without the strap-ee. The strap-er. Oh, okay. Right, right. But if you do it to yourself, do you call that pegging, though? Can you still call it pegging if you're just doing it yourself? Yeah, is there a term for just using a dildo on yourself?

I guess there's not. I guess that's just what it is. Is there a term for just using a dildo on yourself? I guess there's not. I guess that's just what it is. Is there a term for just sticking something? Another Tuesday? Yeah. I've been self-isolating for years. So, Tommy's got... I don't know if he's got a...

What do you mean, modelled on another comedian? Did they put their penis in a mould? This is, that is, well, look, it is a mould of a comedian's penis. It's a mould of a comedian that has been on this show. So this penis is, it belongs to someone that Tommy knows. So this is the detail because my assumption when we first started talking about this was that this was something that you had commissioned.

You had sent the cast out to the person that they had done it. Now when I've asked you about that since, you've been a little more cagey on the details. So there's now not – I don't have that certainty anymore. This could be – you've said that this isn't the only copy. The one that I have isn't the only copy of this. That's it. Now, this segment is called The Masked Pegger, by the way. So we're basing it on the worldwide hit,

and I'm hoping we don't get sued by those guys. But also, two weeks ago, I texted Hughsy, who is on The Masked Singer. And I was like, this would be funny to get him on it because, you know, he's on The Masked Singer. Now he can be on The Masked Pegger. So I texted him and then went, hey, Hughsy, do you want to come on the show? I'll give you the heads up. We've got this thing on there called the Masked Pegger at the moment. And what it is is I got this mold of a comedian's penis that Dassault is going to stick up his own asshole and get fucked with it.

And we all have to guess whose dick it is. So do you want to do the show tomorrow or not? And I got no response for quite a while. And then I got a response from him that just said, sounds intimidating. And then that was it. And then I didn't hear back from him. And I was talking to someone else and I go,

oh, he's a bit weird. I sent him this text. And then I basically got nothing back from him. And then the person I was talking to just goes, why the fuck would he agree to that? Listen to what you just said to him. It's probably, you know, if he goes on here, this could be in the paper.

Like that's an easy story to go online. The guy from The Masked Singer is now on the masked pegger where a dildo goes inside someone's arse and we have to guess whose dick it is. Mate, you don't have to explain it. Everyone knows what the Mars Pega is. It just goes to show how we're way too deep into doing this show where that doesn't even register anymore until that third step.

Yeah, I'm thinking, doesn't Hughsey want to pump his career up and make an appearance on the Mars Pega? What's his problem? I can't believe you found the one thing that hughes he has said no to you've reached that limit you've found it you crack the code yeah yeah even in a pandemic

you won't be involved yeah i know that's um that's uh yeah that that's what i found interesting like thank you guys for doing the show but that's that's what I found interesting. Thank you guys for doing this show, but that's what I found great about the pandemic where everyone's stuck at home and we've asked some people to be on our show

that have got literally nothing to do and they still won't do our show. You go, fuck, you must hate us. Jesus Christ, yeah. Do you guys want to have a glimpse at the instrument while it's just slightly out of frame? So I'm going to have to jump off for one sec and go grab it. Yeah, absolutely.

Okay, so I will give you a... While you do that, Tommy, I'm going to catch these guys up on the clues from the last two weeks. Can I just ask quickly, Carl, before you give us the clues? Is this like an easy process to go through? Like, is there a website that just does molds of genitalia? Like, how hard was it to get it? Again, I won't go into super detail how personally i did it but yes there are um actual websites that that do that where you

they can send out molds and um and you use that on yourself i know that i know that for a fact so you can see the the penis in the window i mean the penis, but the dildo, I guess, in the Zoom window now, guys. I don't believe that that's a lifelike color, by the way. I don't believe that that's the exact color of the actual penis. Pink. Yeah. I mean, before I read out any clues, anyone recognize that?

Anyone can put a name to that one already? No. No? No. Okay. No. out any clues anyone recognize that anyone can put a name to that one already or no no no no okay no so i here's a quick catch-up in the last two weeks so it belongs to a comedian um they've performed all around australia they've performed internationally um they've been recognized for being good at sport they've acted uh they They are confirmed that they have lived in states that aren't Victoria. They haven't done just comedy. They've had something to do with a big Aussie pop hit.

They've got a connection to the Royals. So they're the clues that have come out so far, guys. Oh, I have a guess. Dave Hughes. Yes. Queen Dave Hughes. Yes. Queen Dave Hughes. That's him. Now, if you'd like,

I've got the third week of clues right now, guys, if you'd like to hear them. What do you mean by connection to a big Aussie hit? Sorry, what does that mean? Well, haven't you watched The Masked Singer? The clues come out and you don't just Sorry, what does that mean? Well, this, haven't you watched The Masked Singer? The clues come out and you don't just like go,

what does that mean? And then they go, oh, I mean, it's Olivia Newton-John. You guys win, you know. What do you mean by big hit? She's got a big dick.

Her poor husband. But, I just mean big Ballard Ballard that Ballard they're clues

they're not answers I don't know if you've encountered this before I'm just asking for clarification around the term big hit like you're not gonna give me any more direction

as to what that means it says it says I've even had something to do with a big Aussie pop hit okay thank you yeah thank you Quizmaster that's okay you got it now you've got it something to do with a big Aussie pop hit. Okay, thank you. Thank you, Quizmaster. That's okay.

You've got it now? Sorry to possibly undermine the integrity of the masked fucking pegger. What a great quiz show host. Can I have a guess? Shut up, you fuckhead. Yeah. What about the Lifesavers, fuckhead? All right.

Here we go. Week three. Week three clues. Get ready, guys. Okay. Tommy, you're about to become a star fucker. I've done work for Channel 9. That's right.

I've worked for several media tyrants like Chandler. I've even been part of his stand-up shows. Got all that? Yep. Okay. Just to clarify, it says I've done work for Channel 9. I've worked for several media tyrants like Chandler. I've been part of his stand-up shows. I like to have a drink and I don't mind a chaser.

So when they say, I've been part of his stand-up shows, does that mean the stand-up shows that you run? Is that what that's saying? It just says, I've been a part of his stand-up shows. Okay. Hey, look, again, I'm just Osher Gunsberg. I'm not the judges. I'm just the host, mate.

I mean, I don't make the rules. I mean, I do, but I'm just the host. All right, guys? Yeah. Hmm, I don't mind a drink. Is it someone who's been a part of Dum Dum? Have you had them as a guest? That was the part of the intro, yes. They've been on the show.

And have there been any guesses? So it's a comedian. Or does everyone just get one guess and then we won't find out until? It's the same as the Masked Singer, the pirate version of the Masked Pegger. They stole the same sort of concept, but it's the same as that, as in, if you say a name, it's not like yes or no.

It's just you look at the rules and you can make your guess and we find out when we find out. Can I very quickly get some clarification on this? Now, this did come up in the first episode of the Mars Pega, but I have seen more and more chatter about this on the socials during the week. Now, I know that you've answered this,

but I do think it's worth putting on the record again because I have seen a lot of people speculating, based on a lot of the clues, that this is you, Carl Chandler. And you did say on the record, episode one, that you were ruling yourself out, that it wasn't you. Is that still the position? Because a lot of people seem to, that it wasn't you, is that still the position? Because a lot of people seem to think that it's you. Yeah, the position has changed.

I've decided that that is now my duty, yes. I've got surgery. I got plastic surgery to make it look like this because I thought, wow, that's a hell of an instrument. Well, exactly. It's like, you know, people get plastic surgery to look like Michael Jackson. I want to get famous celebrity penile surgery to make it look like the famous dick from the Masked Pegger.

So, yes. I brought that in and said, make me look like that. Who in 2020 is walking into the plastic surgeon and going, give me the Michael Jackson, thanks? walking into the plastic surgeon and going, give me the Michael Jackson, thanks. I took that dildo into the penile surgeon and I said, make it look like this. Take 12 inches off.

That's what I said. And I said, that's what I've got now. Can I point out that in the masked singer, the singers sing and then we get to judge who it is. So it feels like in the masked pegger, in order for us to make an informed guess, we should be seeing the pegging actually happening in action in order to be able to guess. We should be seeing it go in.

Absolutely. I'm with you, Ballard. I mean, I'm absolutely with you. Tell me if you'd like to take the stage. Well, my girlfriend isn't here with me at the moment, so it'd be very difficult to do. And as we've discussed, a man just putting a dildo up his ass does not a peggy make.

My grandma always used to say that. I thought it was a barred who first said... I think that was from Much Ado About Dildos, wasn't it? I think. I don't want to know now who it is because now I've got that. I won't be able to unsee their erection. Yeah. Yeah, how do you think I feel?

That's very fair. That is true. How do we think you're about to feel? Yeah, I don't know. Okay, so I think with the popular guest, very popular guest last week was Josh Earle, based on the pop hit. He worked on the song with the Bedroom Philosopher.

There's also the connection to Royals, his last name being Earle. Other jobs, teaching, all that sort of stuff. But this new clue, I feel like there's a bit of wordplay going on with the chaser being in there. Now, I'm wondering if this is one of their classic little pranks where my girlfriend's going to have this on fucking me from behind

and then I'll turn around and she's dressed like Bin Laden or something and I'll go, where are the cameras, boys? Come on. Fuck. Dress. Great. Yeah, there's now the guesses in the past, look, the guesses in the last couple of weeks

has been people that have gone, okay, interstate comedians, there's, i think the guesses have been off the back of that brett blake friend of the show um you know they've said they've performed internationally someone guessed nick kappa um and then last week yes off the back of those clues you just said someone guessed josh earl and then someone else guessed what was the other guest last week, Tommy? Do you remember? Someone has said on the socials, which had crossed my mind from week one, was Steve-O because he has been recognised for being good at sport. Like there's a lot of things with him that line up. And also if you want to talk about someone who, I mean, he has been on this show back in the day.

He is someone who it is very likely that a model of their dick would already exist and be available for purchase. So, yeah, that's an angle that you've got to consider, the fact that this isn't the only copy. And for people, for listeners that have been doing this, which I've heard quite a bit of, a lot of listeners have just emailed or inboxed comedians that have been on this show just saying, is it you?

Is it your dick? Out of context. A, that's been a great question. Yeah, that's been a great question for people who don't know about this segment. Right, right. Yeah, are you the masked beggar? Oh, fuck, I've been busted. Oh, God.

Yeah, yeah you the masked beggar? Oh, fuck, I've been busted. Oh, God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and also I do like the ingenuity of those people to go, I know, I know what I'll do. I'll just ask them if it's them. Like I haven't gone to all this trouble and then not have the foresight of telling the comedian, hey, can you just not confess to this, the first person who asks? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you could not do that, that would be great. Yep, yep. Yeah, yeah, like you just asked him and didn't tell him what it was for. You go, mate, I just need a mould of your erection if that's cool. Yeah, yeah. All right. I've just put plastic ass up my ass. If you could just fuck me for no reason, that would really help me out.

I'm trying to think of a comedian who's involved with sports because comedy is not often, there's not a huge crossover with sport. Comedy is quite an unco. Well, you know, also, I mean, like I said before, like I was hoping to get Husey on the show for this because I did want his skill at guessing because I do love,

as much as I haven't seen heaps and heaps of The Masked Singer, I do love the fantasy and the show biz that they put into it where, for example, this season in lockdown, you're only picking from people in Melbourne, let's be realistic. And I watched an episode where Hughsey guessed Beyonce and it's like, come on like yeah you technically you can't get a you know a cover band you can't get brian mannix from none awarding at the moment so you know you're not getting you're not getting

fucking beyonce so i was i was hoping for some absolutely wild um stand-up comedians like Billy Crystal, Lenny Bruce, Charlie Chaplin, who I'm not ruling out any of. That would be great. Given what I've just said, that would be great if I said, do you think I didn't have the foresight to warn the people? That would be great if I'd have hit up the Charlie Chaplin Institute and just gone,

can you just not reply to any messages? If anyone asks about if it's your dick that's on this podcast, can you just say you don't know anything about what your great-great-grandfather's penis has been up to? Hey, Chaplin's family, I know he's been dead for quite some time, but did you ever on the off chance get a cast of his erect penis before he passed away? Because the penis was on the podcast and didn't say anything. So I was like

fucking Charlie Chaplin, this is it. They've got Walt Disney's head in a jar somewhere. Surely they've got the memory of the great Charlie Chaplin. Well actually we can see the penis is pink and not black and white. So I would say that's nearly worth ruling out Charlie Chaplin

for. Beyonce, is this your dick? I kept thinking of the bloke for some reason, Chris Franklin. That's how to run. That got mentioned because of the pop hit, the big Aussie pop hit. That did get a mention. But has he ever been on the show? Yeah, he – no, he hasn't been on the show.

We tried to have him, but it didn't quite work out when he was in town last. But hopefully in the future, but no, I think he has to be ruled out because he hasn't been on the show. But, yeah, all signs. And also, I imagine he probably can't get an erection after that many – like, after 55, all signs. And also, I imagine he probably can't get an erection after that many, like after 55,000 beers. Yeah, that's a very fair point. That's a very fair point.

Yeah, does this dildo have scurvy? Is there any way of working that out? Why is there a mullet on that dick? Following on from Greg Larson's observation that this person cannot be anyone with a shred of dignity, I do think it lines up. So that kind of works. That's true.

Yep. Yep. Yep. Right, right. So Tom Ballard, you... Yes? I feel like you may have known about this a little bit before. You're a listener of this show,

so maybe you've heard a bit, and maybe you've had some pre-thoughts about this already. Do you have an official guess? Official guess? I mean, again, I was talking to Tommy about it, like it still needs to come from the even smaller pool of people that would actually do it, you see, that would be prepared to do it.

So that is kind of like a limited category, I guess. The Chaser thing confuses me. I mean, they certainly have a link to the Royal family when they wanted to do that show covering the Royal Wedding and they were banned from doing that. That's something. But

I had Nick Cody in my head for quite a while. He was sort of lined up for a bunch of things. He's lived in other states. His show was on Channel 9 wasn't it? Yes, he hosted 20 to 1. 21 was on Channel 9. He was a bit of a sport head.

He did do sport in high school. He was the crusher. This is something the crusher would do. Yeah, he's got the link to the Royals, being a king cunt. Yeah. King cunt to the air. A right royal cunt, yes.

I don't know about a pop hit, though. That might be a little bit shaky. But, yeah, I'm going to say Cody. Why the fuck not? Yeah, sure, sure. No worries. Great. Now, Adam Rosenbach, you didn't know about this before coming on air today.

So any gut feels or any maybe um learned observations after hearing all those no um i've only ever seen one other comedian's penis i believe and that was lawrence mooney at a drunk cast um yeah so that and that's the only one i've seen and I know that he doesn't have a foreskin like the erection that Tommy is about to use. He doesn't have a foreskin? So do you think that that model there doesn't, has a foreskin? No, it doesn't.

So it could be, it could be Moonman. Oh, sorry. That's what you're saying. Oh, right, right, right, right. But I can't imagine he would do that at the moment. That's not great for his Triple M breakfast brand, I wouldn't have thought. When would it have been great for him,

do you think, Rosie? At any point? Blonde hair days, surely. That would have lined up. Five years ago, you could have gone for it. Someone maybe made a model. Yeah, someone may have made a model as he was passed out on the

train one night. Just going from the city to Frankston to the city again, back to Frankston again. Yep, yep. I was just going to say, you know, he is a man with experience of a pegging-like experience as well. So he would want to share that with someone like Tommy, you know, and share it around.

Yes, yes, you're right. Tom Bellow, yes. Rosie, your point about Mooney, about probably not the sort of thing that would be wise for him to do at the moment. Yep. Again, we're forgetting the slight, the fly in the ointment being that Carl's sort of very cagey about whether this was commissioned especially for this or whether it was something that already

existed so it could well be something that that's the way i'm thinking about it that the person who has done this has potentially done it you know this existed down the you know down the line somewhere in the past previously and also rosie you're also saying oh this wouldn't be very good for for mooney's career like that thought has ever gone through Mooney's head. That's a fair point. That's a fair point. I can't – no, I just – I'm at a loss, I'm afraid. You've got to give an – just the first person you think of.

Be on the record. We've got a leaderboard. I don't know if there's a prize going out to whoever guesses it, I guess, but we'll do something like that I'll go with Kappa it seems like something Kappa would do so I'll lock in Kappa I'm going to change my guess to Randy the Puppet

oh right, okay just the colour checks out you know yeah right, that's not bad yep, okay, alright, we'll put that on there okay, sorry, sorry Cody your dick's been beaten by Puppet again Yeah, right. That's not bad. Yep. Okay. All right. We'll put that on there. Okay. Sorry. Sorry, Cody. Your dick's been beaten by a puppet. Again. You're off the guess.

Okay. Very exciting. Very exciting stuff. Okay. And do we have a timeline for, like, how long do we want to keep this going on? Because I think we want people to have an idea of when the finale is, you know what I mean? Yes, yes, yes, yes, I agree.

Well, the problem being is, Tommy, the initial idea was I would love to unveil the name once you've used it. And so you haven't used it yet that's good we need to what we need to um come to some sort of um outcome because without tommy using it it's really just like guess whose dick this is you know and that's you know it's not the spirit of the competition i mean it's not the same it's not it's still it's not the the mass pega it's the mass pega it's not a pegger. It's still the same thing. It still is the same thing. The masked pegger, it's the masked pegger. It's not the masked dick, you know. So it's sort of, it's not really in the spirit of the show.

You know, Tommy, that's what I'm all about, keeping the spirit of the show alive. You're a big spirit guy. Yeah, you're full of spirit. That's what we've always said about you around these parts. He's got so much spirit, that guy. So I feel like over the last couple of episodes I felt some slight hesitance on Tommy's behalf.

After all the big words in March, I feel like there's been some sort of rethink about this whole thing. So I'm a bit hesitant to put it out there without him actually using it. But now because there's some hesitation on his behalf, I'm like, well, I feel like there needs to be some rules. There needs to be something on the table as to a conclusion. Now, if Tommy doesn't want to do, if he wants to go back and waste all my money

and all my time and hard effort and grit and sweat and all the time and effort of the listeners to, you know, really get themselves into this storyline. We need to meet in the middle of something, Tommy. I mean, either you use it or, you know, give us something. Give us something to work off. I've got an idea. I've got an idea. My point is, like my question to you is

yeah how long can you keep coming up with these clues like if i just say nothing and do nothing about it are we you know are you going to be able to come up with clues for another 15 weeks i mean that's the other thing is like west we're still in lockdown how long do we want to keep this show going on for like that's that's why I'm asking. I'm asking how long you think you've got in the tank of being able to string along the little riddles. Oh, look, the first week or two, I was still giving clues like, I'm a comedian.

So, you know, I've still got some stuff up my sleeve. Carl, you should tell Tommy's girlfriend who it is so she can, you know, just drop little bits of stand-up as she's doing it. So then Tommy can try and guess. Right, right. Wow. So then Tommy can try and guess who it is.

Let me just move, let me just move, you know, Posh Spice out of the way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Tommy's girlfriend I open up I open up a bag of Tommy's arsehole alive And they're all dead

Yeah So Just getting thrusted to the sweet sounds of my girlfriend Telling me about how we should free the refugees I can't think of anything better And you know what That's a great idea Rosie Because that's great for Tommy I can't think of anything better. And you know what? That's a great idea, Rosie, because that's great for Tommy.

For Tommy to get ploughed as he's listening to like a gala three minutes and he knows when it's going to end. He actually knows how long this is going to go for. So he knows the beats of it. Yeah, that's a great idea. That's a very good idea. That's great if mid-fuck. He still hasn't guessed it. And then, you know, two minutes into the routine,

he just yells out, it's hell yeah. It's actually hell yeah. I've got it. I've got it. No, I don't get it from the routine. And so she's behind me fucking me with the strap on and then the MC comes back out. And so then she's like, anyway, yeah, give it up for, anyway.

So we're going to go to a break now. Take your empty ball back to the park. She's on to her second special. Yeah, you know, what would be even better is you find out that it's a, you know, you're getting fucked, and then she goes, yeah, that was actually Nick Capa. And you go, oh, so that's who it is. And then you go, and then she goes in again,

and she's like, oh, sorry, I meant to say he was just the opener. We're going to get to who it is later. That's just the guy doing five up. I've got a whole line-up. So you go, and then... Oh, right. So each bit of the dick, it's like a full line-up. So each bit of the dick is somewhat different.

So the head is, so you've got your headliner here, and then your opener right down here at the shaft, and then a bunch of middle acts in between. Oh, my God. Well, maybe it's not that. Maybe she brings out other ones that she gets commissioned in the meantime as the opening act. So you're actually getting ploughed with a bigger one to start with.

She's gone MC deep. And it's like, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And then all of a sudden, you know, after about three or four of them, all of a sudden you're going, are you going to put it in yet? And she's like, it is in. And you're like, Ronny Chieng. Oh, no.

Yeah, it is weird that Hughsey didn't want to do this, isn't it? It is weird. It's so weird that that millionaire didn't want to be associated with it. Fucking hell. God. This is comedy. This with it. Fuck it, Al. This is comedy. This is comedy. All right, guys, we'd better wrap it up for another week.

Adam Rosenbach. So did we conclude anything? Did we conclude anything with Tommy? Because, you know, I can... Look, ideally, in the perfect world, I'd like to wrap it up in the next couple of weeks, but I feel like we need some sort of tension, some sort of thing on the table where we know something's going to get concluded from your end and then we find out who it is instead of just like,

oh, well, it's this name. Well, okay. Yeah, we can go into that. We'll go into that next week, I reckon. We've done plenty here. That can be discussion. We've done plenty of good work here, guys. Come on.

We're in overtime. There's penalty rates already. We've got to get out. We've got to put the... Tommy's getting horny. He wants to get that thing out and give it a go. All right.

Tom Ballard, Adam Rosenbach, thank you very much for joining us. You both have podcasts that people can check out. Tom, you've got Like I'm a Five-Year-Old? Six-Year-Old. Six-Year-Old. Damn it. That's close.

That's really close. Damn it. The prequel. The prequel. Yes. What if you just go out, Ballard, what if you go and Re-put that podcast out And you go back through

All the episodes Record them again But just do them A little bit dumber And put it out as like I'm a five year old That's what this podcast is Yeah

This is like We're two year olds That's what this show is Yeah Yeah people can check that out You've been keeping those going During lockdown It's been going for quite a while.

There's like a huge bank of episodes there. So check that out. Adam Rosenbachs, you have your podcast, Junk Time. Yeah, if you're into the footy, Junk Time AFL podcast with Michael Chamberlain. And, of course, don't forget you can get my book, Parrots and Other Disappointments, is available for download. It's an audio book, so there you go. Oh, nice.

You read it out. How long does it go for when you listen to it? I think it's about five and a half hours. Oh, wow. So what's that? If you live in Melbourne, where can you, I mean, once we're allowed to go anywhere, where can you drive to on the Adam Rosenbach's

book experience if you start in Richmond where can you end up do you reckon can you get out of Victoria Swan Hill

you might yeah you probably get to Mount Gambier maybe oh great alright so if you're thinking about going to Hall's Gap get the Adam Rosenbach

audio book and yeah fuck stop in at nil on the way for a vanilla slice and press pause. But then get back in the car and on your way and hear the thrilling conclusion and find out that at the end it was Earth all along

and Paris was Rosie's real dad. I love the image of Rosie sitting here talking about a dildo for half an hour and in his head thinking, better remember to plug the book at the image of Rosie sitting here talking about a dildo for half an hour and in his head thinking, better remember to plug the book at the end of this. I did feel like it was a little bit more, it did sound a little bit more reluctant than usual, I have to say. It's tapping into it. Do I need these sort of people? It's tapping into a new audience, I'm happy to take it.

Yeah, I think that's why you very quickly put out the audio plug because you're like these cunts do not read if they are listening to this podcast you could get pegged to the book oh nice

I don't think I'll be laughing that long for sure yeah right it's like it's like the it's like the Barry White of audiobooks

so yeah absolutely put that on alright guys thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. And they've done it again. You sure said a mouthful, Tommy.

You absolutely did. Yep. Big old mouthful of words. Yep. That's it. You said it said it yep you absolutely gargling it around yeah got the words in there running to the sink and spitting out um absolutely speaking truth to power there tommy absolutely yeah it's um as always tommy you you know the mainstream media say that they didn't do it again but you as, as we all know, absolutely do not subscribe to what the MSM say. So, uh, good for you. You're, you're always saying when people say, um, they haven't done it again, you say, hey,

do your own research and, you know, fair play, Tommy. Good for you for thinking outside the box. This is the second, uh, this is the second thing we've recorded today where you've made that exact same reference of me propelling against the mainstream media. I don't know, Matt. I don't know why you do it. I mean, I've got a report on it.

I guess I've got to bring it up. You're a journalist. All the time we spend not recording stuff, you're always just going on about these tunnels full of children that the Hollywood media, the elite have, how masks are a waste of time, how, oh, you keep saying, open it up, open everything up. And so, I don't know, man, it just drifts into general conversation

when I talk about you. That's all. Well, look, it seems like you're kind of somewhat skeptical of my views and beliefs. So I won't chime in on this next thing. I'll leave this to you to answer. Ree, whether or not they've kicked a big one. Well, in my opinion, I'm pro-kicker.

I'm pro-big one, I have to say. I'm probably unlike you, but I'm pro-big one kicked. I'm anti-kicking. I'm pro big one kicked. I'm anti. Yeah, I'm anti kicking. I'm anti boot. I think they should just be going out there barefoot and just kicking the ball around that way. These boots, they're a fucking waste of time. They do nothing.

As you say. Really, science doesn't back it up in any way, shape or form. As you say, if you get a sore foot, you'll deal with it. It doesn't have to be on anyone else's plate or anything like that. It's all on you. Well, it's herd immunity. It's like the more people we have kicking balls around barefoot, the stronger evolution-wise, the stronger feet are going to get over time.

So it's for the greater good. It's for the good of the people. And if you're old and sick, stay indoors. Don't cop the ball to the face. You won't get kicked in the good of the people if you're old and sick stay indoors you know don't cop the ball to the face you know you won't get kicked in the face of the ball if you're inside the whole time so that's on you from now on did you see the uh footage of the um anti-mask uh or the anti-lockdown protesters in chadston shopping center singing john farnham over the way so a tiny bit yeah. One of the lamest fucking things I've ever seen in my life. It's just so, so embarrassing.

Just like the idea that this is their Tiananmen Square and it's happening next to a fucking muffin break. It's just such good shit. Your point being you're embarrassed on behalf of society that there wasn't more people there. Is that what you're saying? That we should all be there? Yeah, such a low turnout.

Yeah, right, right. Yeah, yeah, such a low turnout. Yeah, right, right. Yeah, yeah, such a low turnout. Like why does this have – the fact that this has more listeners than the anti-lockdown protest is really, really embarrassing, you know, societally. You know what? I keep waiting to see if anyone – you know, in our various social medias, I keep waiting for someone to give a bit of that stuff,

to sort of pop their head up and be a bit anti-mask or a bit, you know, pro-virus. I've been waiting. I've been waiting. Yeah, you can never be too sure. I mean, any time you talk like politically or anything as well, the odds are pretty good that there's going to be at least one person listening who's like, fuck this. And over on the Video Games Podcast I do every now and then,

we'll stray into those areas for one reason or another. And you always hear from those people, quite often on your iTunes reviews, which is good of them. Just copping a sweet star for being social justice warrior cucks is always a nice way to start the morning. It's like, can't there be more vetting of these? Is this really able to get through the net? If you're getting one star for being an SJW, surely that negates the one star. Come on. What an interesting world video games is.

I can't say I've spent much time trying to understand it, but I absolutely do not understand it. The people who play them. I've spent much time trying to understand it, but I absolutely do not understand it. Yeah. The people who play them. It seems like a very weird world. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I guess those people are out there in, you know,

pretty much everywhere in life in various different forms. There's just certain things that tend to, yeah, make that section of the population angrier than you might notice otherwise. Maybe it's just a little bit of a contrast, more of a contrast to think, you know, someone that's like Tetris fan 42 and then they're just going,

all women should die! And you go, well, fuck, man. Don't you just want blocks to line up or something? Like, it's a weird contrast between the two. Yeah, one probably your first games you played was probably ms pac-man so like you know you can't be angry at last of us too for having a female protagonist when back in the day you were just emptying coins into a little penny of a little fucking yellow circle with a bow in her hair yeah so just fucking chill out if there

was internet back then as if ms pac-man. Pac-Man would have absolutely copped it. Absolutely would have copped it. Getting outraged. Yeah. No doubt. No doubt at all. I would love to go back through, maybe there's even like old video game magazines from back in the day,

just some real right-wing cunt writing in, going like, this game is a fucking disgrace. Let me play as male Pac-Man. Yeah, yeah. I don't want to eat ghosts with any fucking bow in my hair. This is insane. If only there was another version of this in which I could play a male. But, you know.

Yeah, yeah. But they've kicked a big one and they've done it again yep so that's all that that's all the people need to know that was a big episode that we've just that they just did over there

at the little dum-dum club and you know when they run long you know it eats into our time here at talking dum-dum which is I think a little unfair

right so we've got to we've got to shorten this episode because of because of those sticky footed motherfuckers yeah

over there. We do. We sit here waiting. We've been sitting here waiting for the last 25 minutes, just raring to go, raring to start this, but not able to. So, yeah, we've got a hard – we have a hard out. Unlike them, we have a hard time that we have to be out of here, which seems unfair. Yeah, due to licensing laws, yep. But we've just been sitting there waiting as it goes over time

and, of course, we're sitting there watching the clock and as they walk off stage after recording Little Dumb Dumb Club, of course, they walk past us and go, oh, sorry, guys, what could we do? We didn't even notice the time. Is that okay? Is that okay, guys? Yeah, sorry about that, I guess. Oh, but in our know, we didn't – is that okay? Is that okay, guys? Yeah.

Yeah, sorry about that, I guess. Oh, but, you know, in our defense, we were killing. So, you know, you can't be too mad at us. Yeah. All the classics. Absolutely can't. You've heard it all a million times before. Pieces of shit. Absolute POSs.

So, sorry, guys. We're going to have to cut this a little short this week. But, hey, a little bit of info. Of course, the little bits of merch keep rolling out of the online store. So, guys, if you get a chance, go and check littledumbdumbclub.com out because we're always adding old episodes to the archives there with a little picture on there. So it's worth a bit of a scroll through just to see,

A, who we've had on the show over the years, and, B, pictures of us and our the show over the years, and B, pictures of us and our guests and seeing what they look like seven years ago and how horrific our phone cameras were six to seven years ago as well. Absolutely insane. All of it, yeah. Fashion, technology, physical health. You really do get a pretty broad picture of back through the ages.

It's quite the time capsule. Yeah, it's a good – it's the definitive guide to the last 10 years basically. It sort of showcases everything that's happened in a small little microcosm. So go and do that. And, of course, like we said, we've got merch there as well. We have hats. We've got stubby holders that we've just re-added to the store. And course we've got the t-shirts the little dumb and club logo uh design we've got the i'm aware of little dumb and club shirt and we've got the you know we're a bit biased but the

best merch of all the talking dumb dumb club um t-shirts that you can get in black or navy or and you can get hoodies in black or navy but a a lot of those sizes are either run out by now or they are very close to being run out. So go and see if you can get something in your size and just in time for summer, get a big old hoodie. Yeah, get the Talking Dum Dum merch because the funds from that directly benefit this part of the show. If you buy a burger logo, T-shirt or anything like that,

we don't get any of that money. It's the guys in at the Little Dum Dum Club that get that. So if you like Talking Dum Dum, if you want to see this show flourish, then we do need you to only purchase the Talking Dum Dum merch that is in there. Sure. The only reason we mention it is because they've run an ad on Talking Dum Dum this week, the boys at Little Dumb Dumb Club. So they haven't paid us very much,

which is why we're not really doing a very good job of advertising it. So they're absolute tight asses up there at the top of the show. And like I said, POSs. So look, technically we're alerting you to the presence of that merch. If you do without what you will, but that's what we've been asked to do. We didn't get expressly told to say they were good shirts. I mean, if I had my own, if I was allowed to use my own tongue, I'd say they're no good.

I'd rather walk around topless. But, of course, I'm not saying that because I've been paid by the boys at the top of the show. But what I would say is the Talking dum-dum club merch is excellent it's all weather all purpose material top of the line yep yep i um i i even shower in it i feel like i feel sickened in contrast when i'm i've got my own naked flesh on me and i sit look down and go yeah that's horrific compared to what I could be wearing the absolute top of the line t-shirts the talking dum-dum club t-shirts they're waterproof they're fireproof and they're acid proof so whatever you've got planned for your day you

chuck one of them on and you are absolutely set to go that is that is a guarantee from Tommy and Carl in here from Tommy from Tommy that's absolutely from is a guarantee from Tommy and Carl in here. From Tommy. That's absolutely from Tommy and Carl. From Tommy and Carl. You're here. I believe his name would be in court. I think Tom Alsop. Thomas Alsop. Science is compliance.

You are absolutely implicit in this guarantee. Absolutely not spoken for by Tommy Daslow and Carl Chandler. I'm editing this so I can just mute your audio at this point. I can just delete the track for a minute or two. Don't mute that bit. If you dare, dear listener, if you dare to put on some of our merch

and then walk deliberately into a bushfire and then think you're going to sue me for it, you've got another thing coming, brother, okay? If you walk out of that. You've got another thing coming, brother. Okay? If you walk out of that. You've got another thing coming because you're going to win. You're going to sue him and you're going to win. So you're going to have to think twice about that. It won't just be suing.

It'll be a victory. You'll be popping those champagne bottles before you know it, toasting to victory. You better not win. Okay? I'm saying that. I'm saying I'll be fucking mad. Absolutely ropeable if you deliberately walk into a bushfire thinking that it's fireproof. I'm saying that. I'm saying I'll be fucking mad. Absolutely. Ropable.

If you deliberately walk into a bushfire thinking that it's fireproof. They find a charred corpse and for some reason the only thing that's survived is just a bit of fabric that says talking dum-dum on it. And then they go back and listen to this and we find ourselves up in the courtroom in the witness box. And they play this bit of the show. Amazing. Yeah, yeah. And we're laughing along.

That's the most offensive part about it is, like, the jury just like, look how much these cunts love themselves. This is embarrassing. All right, so. They've done it again. Let's get into this section, of course. We're running late. So, guys, of course, the other thing you can do on our website is you can click on the

little bit. Oh, there's a bit called Dumio where you can get little personalized video messages, which we've done a bunch of this week. So thank you to everyone who's done that. But it's the first time anyone's ever done this sort of thing. They find someone online. They get a personalized message on video from the people that they want. It's very revolutionary.

I'm surprised more people don't try this idea. But anyway, that's on them. You can get a message from anyone you want as long as the people are us. That's a clause. You have to be interested in getting a message from Tommy and Carl from the Little Dum Dum Club. You can't go on there looking for the Soup Nazi nazi or anything like that um that's should we get him on dumio maybe we should that'd be good just yeah let's send him what if we yeah what if

we start just trying to poach people from cameo and offer them a better deal we turn it in we actually do turn it into a competitor that'd be fucking so fucking good. Let's get Blakey on. Let's get Blakey on Dumio because he's on Cameo. So then we can actually find out who he's getting more sales from, whether it's from Dumio or Cameo. And then we grab our percentage. Oh, you're happy for him to stay on Cameo? You don't want exclusivity?

I kind of want to swing my dick around and go, you're with us or you're happy for him to stay on cameo you don't want exclusivity i kind of want to you know i kind of want to swing my dick around and go you're with us or you're not with it i want to see the um the comparison of sales between the two sites okay yeah all right um and we're undercutting what's our cut um yeah we're well we can swing our dick by saying it's slightly more. If they take like 30%, we'll have 35%. Okay. Yeah, I like it. I like it. Because, you know, there's less competition.

He's more exclusive this way. He's literally only up against us, which is, yeah, I'd take those odds. Yeah, well, we'll see. But the other thing on the website, of course, is Patreon, which is how we keep the lights on in here at WMHQ. You subscribe monthly. You get so much content at the moment, and you have done for months and months and months.

We put out two bonus mini-episodes a week, heaps of content, and people are enjoying that. It's filling in the time between you're born and dead. It's ideal. And, yeah, absolutely pumping them out with special guests twice a week. It's a heap of fun. So get onto that. And, of course, another little thing that you get is the chance to have your name read

out in this section of the show in Talking Dumb Dumb in the truncated version of Talking Dumb Dumb this week. We've gotten rid of the rest of the clutter to get straight to these names. So let's hit the big UTA, the unplanned title alternator, once more this week. First cab off the rank, thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Daniel Walker. Daniel Walker? Hang on, hang on. Sorry, Tommy.

I believe I've got the UTA set to boring. Sorry, I shouldn't have had that button pressed on the machine this week. But anyway, we've had that first. Yeah, yeah, sorry. Is it too late? Can you switch it back for the remaining names? Or is it stuck like this for all four? Okay, great.

Don't worry. I mean, the most interesting thing you can say about this is that it's very similar to the name of a friend of ours, a friend of the show, previous guest, Danielle Walker. Oh, yeah. It's her drag king character. That's kind of the most interesting thing you can say about it, and even that isn't that interesting. It's her reversed Ms. Pac-Man.

Right, right. Mr. Danielle. Mr. Pac-Man. Right, right. Mr. Daniel. Mr. Pac-Man. Mr. Ms. Pac-Man. Mr. Ms. Pac-Man. Mr. Pac-Woman. And I also like the idea that it's like, you know, you can be like a professional dog walker.

This guy's a professional Daniel Walker. A professional Daniel Walker. Yeah, this could be like, I've read about this thing where centuries and centuries ago, people had their name decided by what they did for a living. So this could be just a big family of certain different walkers of things. Pardon me. Was this the first, or maybe this was the first guy to go upright. You know what I mean?

Everyone else is fucking crawling around on their belly. And then this guy gets up and gives it a bit of this action. People are like, Walker, that's you. You're the first one. And then sooner or later, everyone starts doing it. And they're like, why did this guy get the name just because he was the first like you know we're all we're all walkers now it's a bit of a shame i do like the fact if that's true i do like the fact that you know obviously he's he's got a bit of action this guy the first one he's all

of a sudden he's he's the rock star of thousands of years ago everyone wants to get with the walker you don't see many crawlers around as surnames, and I think they died out. They absolutely could not get a route if they – literally their life depended on it, and it did, and they didn't. So, yeah. I wonder if there were ever like – if there are ever any people who are like,

walking's a scam, it's a conspiracy. I'm going back to crawling. If I made that my thing out of ISO, like, I'm not walking anywhere anymore. I'm getting around on my belly. Mark my words. It's how the government controls you. Because your head is up higher, closer to the fucking radio tower signals. Going prone and getting around that way is the only way to be safe. I'm anti-walk they put

microchips into your nikes um that's how they control you yep yep so it's just every time you see me anywhere i'm just my front is just covered in dirt like jumpers pants covered in fucking leaves and dirt and shit i'm doing gigs but i refuse to stand on the stage i'm just lying down holding the mic so no one can see me sometimes my my baby my child will um you know so she can walk and everything but sometimes she'll just start crawling and i'll be like what what are you what are you pulling here like what's what's this in aid of like you know how to fucking walk what are you what are you slumming it down there on the ground for? What are you trying to pull here?

Yeah, but do you remember being a little baby and being, like, taken out or being a young child and being taken out of the pram or, like, the stroller and your parents going, like, this is it. It's, you know, it's full-time walking time now. Like, I remember that happening and being so against it, being like, no, but sitting here and being pushed around fucking rules in the same way that like I remember loving my cot

and not wanting to have an actual bed. I liked being in bars. I liked being boxed in. And like the idea of moving up to the next step was very scary to me. I wanted to stay where I was. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's interesting that you've got a good memory of being so young, Tommy, because I've got a few really early memories.

I always thought I had, you know, relatively good memory for way back when. Because sometimes you'll talk to someone and go, I remember when this happened. They go, no, I don't have much of a memory of being, you know, being really young. It's like, what's your first memory? Oh, when I was seven or something. You go, what are you talking about? How do you fucking not remember that much of being a little kid yeah i don't remember heaps but also like i i mean i remember little bits of childhood but i

can't remember exactly what ages they were i remember the cot and the pram thing and um i remember a bird getting into our house and being like fucking terrified like a bird flying around my living room uh my bedroom and me just absolutely shitting my dacks and that's pretty much it memory wise until cancer maybe chemotherapy is like the fucking men in black memory eraser thing and it just like wiped the slate clean for everything before that so did you get you got cancer when you were 12 or something so you've got about three memories but before that right okay yeah the bird the cot and the pram and then uh yeah copping the and then i log back on for the copying the diagnosis you log back on and then every second of every day from then yeah yeah right so that's i mean maybe to you in your in

your head maybe that's all they taught in school to you before that. You know, your whole primary school years was basically, you know, what to do when a bird's in the room. That was like grade two, grade three, grade four, maybe? Yep, yep. Yeah, probably. What a life. But what's your, I think we've talked about this before. What's your first memory?

Do you not remember things like that? Like not wanting to move on to like the next uh you know the next stage i mean i think of thinking about like your kid and crawling like if you think about um for her going back to crawling is probably the equivalent of you remembering when you were like 20 you know what i mean yeah like percentage wise of her life that that takes up, that's probably like, wow, what a throwback. Oh, look, I think it's the same as, you know,

when I was, you know, 17, 18 and everyone left school and everyone was like, you know, everyone, basically everyone left Maribor to go to Melbourne or whatever and I went to Ballarat instead and people were like, come to Melbourne. I was like, nah, I'm okay. I'll go to Ballarat. And yeah, that was, I think that was my version. I was like, no, no, no, no. I don't need to go in Melbourne. I was like, nah, I'm okay. I'll go to Ballarat. And yeah, that was, I think that was my version.

I was like, no, no, no, no. I don't need to go to Melbourne. I can stay here in Ballarat and go to Maryborough and that every now and then. And then as soon as I moved to Melbourne, I was like, what the fuck was I thinking crawling around until I was 27? Ballarat, Melbourne training wheels. Yes. That's what it is.

Absolutely. Absolutely., Melbourne training wheels. Yes. That's what it is. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. It was. They should have that on the sign as you drive in. Yeah. Ballarat, that's their motto.

Ballarat, practice for Melbourne. Practice for Melbourne. Yeah. Yeah. You have a bunch of tasks that you have to do. And then one day when you clear them all, the mayor's like, all right, it's time for you to get the fuck out and go to Melbourne. It did acclimatise me for Melbourne because it helped me get used to things

like McDonald's and Pizza Hut and KFC, heaps of stuff that wasn't in Maryborough. It was a halfway house for Melbourne. So I got that. I got, you know, streets that had two lanes in them. So I just slowly got myself a little bit ready for a big sprawling metropolis like Melbourne. So I'm thankful to myself a little bit ready for a big sprawling metropolis like Melbourne. So I'm thankful to Ballarat for that. But I did legitimately stay way too long in that town and in Maryborough.

So that was my crawling. Thanks, Daniel Walker. Thanks, Daniel Walker. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Lee Bello. Now, I hope that's how you pronounce the surname because it's B-E-L-O-T. It wouldn't be Bellet, would it? I would think it's Lee Bello. Yeah, I'd lean towards that.

Okay. Lee. I don't know that we've had any Lees before. I like it. I like this as a name. It's L. Well, hang on a minute. Before you make that big call.

Oh, hang on. It's L-E-I-G-H. Are you still a fan? Ah, no. Right. I didn't think so. It's the car with a C to the car with a K. I'd much prefer L-double-E.

I assume that you would too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of just bullshit letters in there that aren't really pulling their weight as far as I'm concerned. I mean, everything after the E is just a real passenger in this name, in the spelling of this name. Yeah, I mean, to cut to the chase, if you're trying to cut out a middleman, you spell something the way it sounds, and it sounds like L-E-E.

Why have, like, silent letters in something with one syllable? Insane. Why have a G? G's a good letter. It's a good sound. It's absolutely squandered in this name, in my humble opinion. It's absolute fucking waste of everyone's time. It's just to confuse foreigners when they move here and, you know,

trying to learn the language and then they come up against this. It's like, what? Fuck this. I'm going back to Portugal. So there's probably a lot of people who have quit Australia, you know, because of the name Lee, maybe even because of Lee Bello. Australia because of the name Lee, maybe even because of Lee Bellow. I'm going back to Ballarat where things are safe and names are spelled how they sound.

A lot of people – I'm going back – I shouldn't – if I jump the gun moving to the big city, I'm going back with my tail between my legs. Yeah, going back to Mirabar where Lee Bellow would be pronounced Leg Bellet. Leg Bellet. Leg Bellet. Leg Bellet. Now that is instantly a better name.

That's not a bad name, is it? Leg Bellet. That's good. That's really good. Leg Bellet. If you're writing a script, if you're writing like a sketch or whatever, you just needed a disposable name, that's what you'd chuck in. Is there people you know that you always say their full name

when you talk to them? I feel like there's a few of them for me. And Leg Bellet would absolutely be one. If I knew this guy, Lee Bello, I would call him Leg Bellet nonstop. Yeah, I don't have anyone that I'd do that with, but I have noticed that my girlfriend and her group of friends all do that with one another. And I've been meaning to ask her if there's some origin of that,

if that's like a bit, if that's like a deliberate bit that they're all doing, or whether they all just happen to be massive fans of each other's full names. Because it's like every time one of them talks to the other one, like someone else in the group, they'll go full name. Give me an example. Full name for every direction.

Have a conversation. Have a quick conversation where that happens. It's just very constant and very deliberate. It's like, oh, Carl Chandler, did you have pizza for dinner? Oh, yes, I did, Tommy Daslow. It's like, oh, Carl Chandler, did you have pizza for dinner? Oh, yes, I did, Tommy Daslow. It's like that. It's frequent enough that I'm like, there's something going on here. I like it.

Yeah, it's not bad. But, yeah, I don't quite know why I haven't brought it up to her yet. That would be great if that was a thing in their circle of friendship and there was eight of them and then there was one person they deliberately didn't do it to and they never talked about why. Yeah, well, it's kind of me so far, I guess. Oh, great. You know, I haven't immediately, you know, I mean, it's kind of, you know,

we're in a weird thing where the majority of our relationship has taken place in isolation. So for both of us hanging out with each other's friends, it's pretty much exclusively been over Zoom. So, yeah, I mean, I haven't been granted the full name yet. But, hey, maybe that's when I'll know that this group of friends really accepts me as their friend's partner when I get the full Tommy Daslow treatment when I'm being spoken to. I like the idea that this group of friends just, you know, they've never met you.

They've just seen you on Zoom all the time. To them, you're like Max Headroom. That's who their friend's been going out with. Yeah, it does feel a bit like that. Like I'm kind of, yeah, I've been in a couple of things where they've done like trivia about like each other. Like they've got this friend who keeps making like these trivia games about people in the group and I'm kind of there like,

I don't really know. This is such a weird way of getting to know people. And a quick little footnote to that reference of bringing up Max Headroom. A, hi to Will Anderson who will appreciate that very antiquated pop culture reference and B, if you don't know who Max Headroom is, what do they teach you in school these days? Go, get on the internet and have a look and fill in the blanks of some absolutely vital 80s information.

You know where I know about Max Headroom from? Back to the Future you great I love that I'm the new I learn about stuff like that through Mad Magazine so I'm your Mad Magazine

that's great yeah it's one of your it's one of your go-to's I've noticed and maybe the third time I heard it referenced, I was like, I guess it's time to look up the Wikipedia of whatever the fuck this is. If I'm going to hear about it every couple of months,

I should probably educate myself. That's great. That's great. I love it. I'm very happy with that. Thanks, LegBellet. Yep. Thanks, LegBellet.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Jonathan Lazkowski. Ooh. Well. Lazkowski. Lazkowski. Absolutely proving that I turned the boring button off. Yeah, big time. But this tricks you.

You're starting off with Jonathan, you're thinking, oh, here comes an absolute fucking snooze fest. And then all of a sudden, you've got Zs, you've got Ws. Who knows what's going on? Jonathan is the spruced up John to start with, so you've got a little bit of a clue. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Going by the full Jonathan.

I really respect it. What does Jonathan Laskowski say to you? It feels like it's some sort of sixth build character actor on a telemovie or something like that. That's what it sounds like to me. Some sort of guy that's never quite got famous. Just someone that's always popping up in things, but you're like, oh yeah, that guy with a beard who's like always the boss of the second lead. Oh yeah, okay. Are you thinking of Stephen Toblowski? That sounds similar.

I don't really know who that is, so not really. Who's he? What's he done? Bring up a photo of him. I bet you'll know him when you see him. Are you going to share it on Zoom so I can see it? Yeah. Nice.

Yeah. Okay, here we go. Here we go. Oh, whoops, here we go. Here we go. Oh, whoops. There we go. Stephen Toblasky. You know him? You recognise him?

Yeah, that's... He's... Oh, that's the guy from Groundhog Day. Yes. The guy who puts his... Yeah, I think that is him. Yeah, the guy who puts his foot through the ice. What's that first step?

Probably one of his first rolls, I imagine. He'd be absolutely known for that. What year's Groundhog Day? Oh, mate, every year. Yes. Yes. It's about 94, 95, isn't it? I think.

Yeah, there you go. 93. Oh, yeah. Ned Ryerson. Noodle Ned Ryerson. Yeah. Yeah. But look at how many films this cunny's been in.

But he's like, he always gets talked, he's in Freedy Go Fingered. One of the greats. He always gets talked about as one of the, one of the like, one of the like, classic character actors. Like when people go, you know, one of those guys is like never quite famous in his own right but is just in like millions of things. If you would have said to me five minutes ago, if you would have said to me, you know the guy Noodle Ned Ryerson from Groundhog Day?

I, you know, that was his only role. I'd be like, okay, cool. I didn't know he was in anything else. Oh, really? Yeah, right. Interesting didn't know he was in anything else. Oh, really? Yeah, right. Interesting. That's the one. If he was on Cameo, surely he'd be just crediting that.

That's his role. It'd be brackets, Groundhog Day. He'd just be getting people to do lines from that. But yeah, Jonathan, what was it again? Jonathan Wazowski? Jonathan Wazowski. Wazowski. Fuck, I was way off.

Yes, you were. Wazowski. I like it. I really like these kinds of names with that kind of feel at the end of it. It's fun. It's jaunty. I like the idea that you've got Sky in your name. That's quite appealing to me.

Even though it's not pronounced Sky, it's Ski, which makes a bit of a mockery of it. Yeah, it's the first time I've ever seen that name. So that's something. You think you've seen it all in this business of reading out names towards the end of a podcast. But, yeah, you just get knocked down and absolutely shown up to be fucking deluded because you're never going to see it all.

You know what I was thinking the other day was like this, so this part of the show, believe it or not, happened quite organically. This wasn't by design. You know, we started doing Patreon and then it's like, oh, what are the things we should offer? Oh, you know, I guess we should just like say a thanks or whatever. And, you know, we got onto Patreon like quite a while ago now.

I wonder, are there any other podcasts that do this out in the world, like that just kind of accidentally ended up doing more or less the same thing that we did? Yeah. I'd love to link up with those people. Yeah. Have a drink with them and just say, what are the names that have stumped you?

What's a good day for you? Design your favourite name. Yeah. I mean, it has to have had – I mean, I think nowadays if you start a show and you get on Patreon, there's a little bit more – because it's a bit more ubiquitous and more shows do it, there's a bit more of like you can point to like, oh, you offer a bonus episode a week or whatever it is.

But, you know, we were kind of fumbling around in the dark a little bit it's like thanking people seemed like a bit of a no-brainer okay we'll do that and then all of a sudden before you know it's taking up an hour out of our lives every week so that can't be a completely unique experience think of all the different things that are on Patreon. If you listen to a show that also does this fucked thing every episode, then let us know because I'd love to start a support group with them.

I'd love to compare lists. I'd love to see we've got a record of who we've read out and I was going to say we've got a record of who we've read out and who we haven't. We don't have a record of all the names we haven't read out. But I'd like to compare lists to see what they've had their hands on. And go,

oh, wow, you got this one. Fuck, that would have been nice. What'd you do with that one? Well, we know maybe we could find if it,

if it happened to be a popular enough show, it's, you know, it's likely that there would be people that subscribe to us and subscribe to them. And so we could confer and we could both do the same names in one week and just kind of see, you know, then the listeners of both can kind of like rate us against each other.

Like, oh, John Smith. The Little Dumb Dumb Boys really tore him apart. The Johnny Fuckknuckle podcast didn't know what to do with that one. Yeah, we could plan it in advance so we could say on all the pods, there might even be three of us, and we could all be like, guys, it's Jonathan Laskowski week. Tune in next week and see what all three of us do with that humdinger. We're prepping.

We're sizzling up the name that we're going to do. It's like Shark Week but for reading out names on Patreon. Yep, yep. So we think of the most fucked name you could have, and we're like, this is it, guys. This is it. Yeah, that's good. Thanks, Jonathan.

Thanks, Johnny. Thanks to Patreon subscriber Cameron Byram. That's right, Tommy. Cameron Byram. That's right, Tommy. Cameron Byram. That's right. Sometimes, every now and then we'll get a name where you go, they've got this wrong. And this is another one.

Cameron Byrom. B-Y-R-O-M. M for Mary. This is terrible. Just incorrect. Just wrong. I'm not even passing judgment. There's nothing to do with opinion here.

It's just like if someone writes 1 plus 1 equals 3, I don't go, in my opinion, not very good. It's nothing to do with that. It's just simple fact. It's science. By room is incorrect. Yeah, yeah. This guy must be constantly getting mail and –

or just – he must be getting all sorts of things where people have corrected his name. Can you imagine trying to like – this would be – autocorrect would fuck this guy pretty consistently, I reckon. Do you reckon – like imagine – you know, he's got the name Cameron as a child. Do you imagine the parents, like especially the mum going – you know, they're talking about, oh, imagine, you know, he's got the name Cameron as a child. Do you imagine the parents, like, especially the mum going, you know, they're talking about, oh, what do you think we should name our child? And the dad goes, what about Cameron?

And the mum goes, you know what, I'll give you Cameron. If we do this other thing that I've always been meaning to bring up, can we fix the fucked surname that we have? I'll give you Cameron. But can we do a little bit of tinkering, a little bit of cosmetic surgery down at the deed poll office? Can we do a bit of that? Yeah.

My way or the highway. It's Cameron Byram. Speaking of fucked surnames, I've been reading, I just started reading a book about the Manson murders. And I don't know how familiar you are with the names of some of the Manson family members who were arrested for the various murders. But there's one that's really stuck out to me that is,

for a book that is so brutal, it's really making it quite enjoyable to read about this one member of the Manson family called Steve Grogan. You know what? I mean, you ought to talk about awful surnames. That's right up there. No wonder this guy turned to killing. God, that's the biggest crime of them all, isn't it? Must have made the court case a bit of fun here, and that one come out every couple of

minutes, and someone on the jury like, God, this is good shit, isn't it? I mean, it really... The poor old Tate family are in there crying, and then they hear Steve Grogan, and they're like, oh, fuck, you got me. You got me. It puts it all back into perspective. There is joy in the world after all. You got to laugh, don't you?

Hey? It's not all doom and gloom. Steve Grogan. God, that's rough stuff. Fucking hell. Yeah. If you... What would you rather?

If you name me Steve Grogan, please subscribe. But, yeah. What would I rather? What would you rather? Byron or Grogan? Byron. Oh, yeah, what would I rather? What would you rather, Byram or Grogan? Byram. Oh, look, I've got to go with Byram. Yeah.

I don't think – you know what, I'll say it now, Grogan. I don't think I've ever said that word out loud. I guess – although, yeah, I guess probably in the States in the 60s, you're probably skating by. It seems like – Grogan seems like a real Australian term. Yeah, I'd say it is. I think it's very Australian slang. I mean, that's kind of, that's almost, like, let's say you have that name, you're over in the States, you know, you're whatever, 20s, you know,

you've had a bullying-free life, and then 21, you decide to come study abroad. And, you know, you've always been fascinated by the idea of australia every australian you've always met has always been very funny very kind and you think i got to get out there and then you touch down and all of a sudden you're just being bullied to within an inch of your life after having a completely placid bully free life everything changes for you when you step off that plane. Yeah. And, I mean, and you go, this is insane. I mean, first this and then just, you know, just before that,

everyone was laughing at me when I went up to a guy and he turned around and I said, nice fanny. I mean, this country's crazy. Those arses. Yeah. Byron. I think I'd rather. Ronnie Byronron I think I'd rather Ronnie Byron I think I'd rather Grogan I'd rather Grogan than Byron

I've got to be honest That is a massive diss Tommy Grogan Massive diss to Cameron Tommy Grogan Did you When you changed your name from Tommy Allsop to Tommy Daslow Actually were you called Tommy

I didn't but anyway Tommy well Well I don't know where I got Dassolo from then. Has that just been me for the last ten years? Is that what's been going on? Well, you know, I use it for the purposes of comedy. I want to make it clear. I've never formally changed it. Right, right.

Were you known as Tommy Allsop or was it always Thomas Allsop? It was just Tom. Tom. Never Thomas, just Tom. Not? Yeah. Like my parents, you know, my parents did that thing where they gave me the name Thomas and they've never once called me that in my life.

Right. They've always just called me Tom. Great, great, great. Yeah. Did you ever think when you officially changed your name by deed poll to Tommy Dassler, did you ever think about changing your first name at the same time or was it just the last name, just the surname,

just the family name you were ashamed of? Yeah, I mean, when I think about it now, I may as well have just gone all the way. But no, that never crossed my mind. In hindsight, put yourself back into that young person of 15 years ago, whatever you did it. What would you – what's top of the brain? What's top of the mind of what you would have gone with for a first name

that goes with Daslo? COVID. COVID Daslo. Wow. I didn't even know that was a first name. I mean, surname, sure, but first name, wow. I mean, yeah, it would have been a pretty – Isn't that a girl's name?

It would have been pretty weird the whole time, but it would be paying dividends now, wouldn't it? Imagine just sitting here going, how weird is this? It's not the same name as the bloody virus. I've been self-isolating for years. I don't know what sort of dividends you think it pays But yeah okay sure Mate you trust me

We'd be making a fucking meal out of it on this show We'd be having a pretty good time Okay alright fair enough Alright thanks Cameron Thanks Cameron The plan was to do it much shorter. We've run out of time, haven't we? We've gone too long as is.

This is ridiculous. So let's do a very quick one. Just fit one more in just to get to around 12, 13, whatever. We'll finish that up this week. Okay, one more. Let's do this. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. Oh, okay.

Oh. What? Oh, people don't usually put their middle names in this section. It's usually first and last name and that's it, but we've got a middle name. Okay. All right. I guess we do the whole thing. I guess we don't charge anymore to read out middle names, do we?

We probably should. We should. But I think that's an option you can check on Patreon, but I guess we haven't done that. We'll get on to that. We'll get on to that. All right, here we go. This might be the first and last one that we do for the normal rate

of reading the middle name out as well, but well done for the freebie, if so. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber GroganCovidComedy. Oh, yeah, that's good stuff. That that's really good stuff like the things from before oh yeah oh yeah okay all right yeah i'm not i'm not i'm not really into noticing things like that but yeah i guess you could say oh yeah yeah the manson murder is not the biggest crime that's been referenced on this installment of Talking Dumb Dumb. I've absolutely murdered it. I wish someone would burst into my house right now and fucking knife me a few times in the guts. Thanks for listening, everyone.

Go to the merch desk. Patreon.com slash littledumbdumbub.com to support the show on Patreon. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Get the merch. Get a dummy-o. We'll see you next time. See you, mates.