The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 522 - Daniel Sloss & Nick Cody

Episode Date: September 30, 2020

It's the return of our massive-hogged buddy DANIEL SLOSS plus our draft dodging QLD correspondent NICK CODY! Sloss gives us a brief history of Scottish soccer, Cody talks us through life in hotel quarantine, Dassalo's been on a ghost tour and Chando's been hitting the late night pizza again. There's also a whole new suite of clues in The Masked Pegger, and as Tommy gets closer and closer to D Day, he's put himself through some rigorous training. PLUS A special guest joins us on Talking Dum Dum as we give an update on Capper's Cartoon Connection. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dum Dum Club, a brand new episode with guests Nick Cody and Daniel Sloss. We've got more masked pegaclues for you and if you would like to support the show on Patreon, you can do that. You can find the link at littledumdumclub.com as well as links to merchandise, all sorts of other things. We'll be back at the end of the episode to talk to you more about that in Talking Dum Dum, but until then, enjoy this great new episode with Daniel Sloss and Nick Cody. Hey, mates. Welcome into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us.

My name is Tommy Dasolo and with me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day dickheads. Now keep it down, I believe there's a wife and child trying to sleep in the immediate vicinity of you so if you can stop flying off the handle like that I'm sure they'd really appreciate it. You talking to me? If everyone can deal this week with me just whispering my content, that would really help out the rest of the house this week. But we'll see how we go. All right, well, we've got two guests joining us today.

Please welcome into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Nick Cody and Daniel Sloss. Yay! Imagine me yelling right now and being more excited. Yay! No, I think this is normally the entrance you give us. Yeah, yeah. It's got a, oh, yeah, they're here. They're here to be men about it.

Yeah. Great to see you, little slush. Shut up. So it's, we haven't basically seen you since you got proper famous. So, yeah. I know. I tried my hardest to fucking rid myself of you. I got to a point in my career where I was like,

I'm genuinely fucking above this now. It's so nice that I don't have to, you know, be obligated to work with peons. And it was great. And then this happened and my career took two steps back so here i am it's nice to be back it's good to see you guys you're so you're so above us now that you don't even have the proper instrument to record this episode into so that's how that's how i currently are is it i kind of figured because we haven't had john for a while i kind

of figured it must be some sort of Netflix deal where when you sign off, it's either us or Little Dum Dum Club, and that's it. You've got to choose one or the other. Because we used to have Hannah Gadsby on the show. Not anymore. We had Daniel Soss on the show. Not anymore.

And it would explain why we can never get Stranger Things as a guest on this show as well. So is that the deal? Stranger Things as a guest on this show as well. So is that the deal? No matter how hard we try to get 10 seasons of Friends, they just for some reason won't let us have it. They won't let us fucking have it.

You want to do the upside down international comedy festival and it's just not happening. Maybe that's why Drake was in that young girl from Stranger Things as DMs. He was just begging her to be on his podcast. There's nothing suss going on at all. He's just trying to laugh at the guest. Also, I think nearly one of the last back and forths that we went through, Daniel Sloss, was like a 14-page diatribe from you about how we can no longer be friends if Liverpool win the championship.

So I thought, well, that's it forever. But somehow, again, the coronavirus has paid off. It's wiped your memory of the best day of my life. And you're back. I mean, do we have to fucking talk about it? Because I've got a lot of fans in Liverpool and they keep giving me their money. And I'd rather that didn't happen by telling them what I actually think about them

as a city and a fucking football team. You'd be doing my already damaged career a lot of favours if this conversation ended now. Alright, alright, alright. That'll do, that'll do. I just want to get around the record. Bunch of fucking cheating scumbags.

Fucking rat city filled with rat cunts who cheat at rat fucking football Buying a fucking league by diving cunts Anyway, it's a pleasure to be back How did they cheat? Mo Salah goes down after a fucking blowjob Nick Cody There's no form of contact

That he doesn't claim as a fucking penalty Yeah, it's soccer man That's all I say It's an interesting form of ethics That football fans have Because daniel sloss a big fan of didier drogba you know championship winning player for him who he's a better bloke because he deliberately and out in the open elbows people in the eyeballs so that's better yes and pretending and falling over apparently diego costa was openly a cunt and you have to fucking respect that. Right.

He didn't walk around throwing money at charities being like, Oh, look at me. I'm a decent human being deep down. He fucking owned it. He knocked cunts out. He got Arsenal players sent off for no fucking reason. And he played it like a man. Okay. Yeah.

All right. When, when you said before that he goes down after a blow job, I don't know. I think if someone manages to suck your dick on the football field, you should get a penalty for it. Like, that's the way it is. You think that's a penalty? What? That's what you said.

Who gets up after a blowjob? Who's like, that was good. Now time for a run. Yeah. Who stays on their feet and goes, yeah, no, nothing happened, Ref, actually. Nothing happened just then. I'll just walk that one off. Yeah, that's better than Barocca.

That's giving me back the BB bounce. Off I go. Now, Nick, Cody was just saying, we were just trying to explain to Cody off air about Scottish soccer or my limited knowledge of Scottish football. And he said you had a better explanation, maybe. Well, like, I I support Chelsea why do you support Chelsea? Because I grew up supporting

Scotland and Hebs and East Fife so I deserve a team that fucking wins every now and again like you know you don't get to grow up on Scottish football because it would just be like it would be like only eating McDonald's for your entire life just out of some sense of fucking loyalty

ignoring good meals, never going to fine dining restaurants because it's got Mick in the name so you've got to be fucking loyal to them Scottish Premier League football, not great, really not good, like fuck the hands, Celtic win everything, but when you go to the lower league

teams it gets fucking interesting because it is none of their full-time jobs like it's so lower league yeah like our star striker when we were about 16 17 was a guy for east five was a guy called johnny smart right who was also a bin man so like he'd miss a penalty so he'd miss a penalty he'd miss a penalty on the Sunday and then Monday morning you'd be standing outside your house going you fucking thick cunt Johnny how could you not put that fucking away man it's real real bad

the way it should be that's so good it was like instant feedback it lets people know. It's a direct relationship with the fans. Surely that would be great. Surely that would be great if he's copying all that shit.

He just immediately misses the truck and just chucks garbage all over the street and goes, sorry, you know what I'm like with penalties? I'm the same as fucking beans. But it's also, it's like, Johnny, how did you miss that penalty? Aren't you at a physical peak after getting up at 3am five days a week

to pick up other people's rubbish? Oh. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I love the idea of a league where you've got on the back of the jersey, you've got the name, the number, and then under that, you've got where they work during the week. So it's like if you're a Roper bullet player, you're like, that's it.

I'm going into Domino's Pizza on Tuesday and giving this kind of peace of my mind. Also, the idea of abusing someone for missing a penalty in that situation, it's like, you fucking cunt, I hope you, and he's like, what? You hope I what? I'm emptying your bin right now. What can I do that's fucking worse? Fucking don't punish me. Do the fuck, do whatever you want.

We used to, we were horrible kids we were horrible horrible horrible teenagers um and we would this was back in the days before facebook there was did you ever get bibo in australia did i ever make it over at one of the first social media sites yeah yeah yeah yeah you could like make people like your other half and you could have like a top 16 is that my space but just with your accent? Is that what you were trying to say? Is that MySpace, but put through the train spotting machine? That's Irvin Welsh trying to say Bebo.

Yeah, your first friend isn't Tom, it's a baby crawling on the roof. We used to, because they used to release the team sheets. We'd go to New Bayview, but back then it was Old Bayview. That was the name of the stadium. And they'd have the team sheets up and it would be like East 5 versus Brecon. So Brecon's way way up north in Scotland so it's basically the entire team

that comes down is like the 11 players the 5 substitutes one of the coaches and like 4 of their grandads and like that's the entire away stand and what we'd do is we'd find the team list and we'd find out what the name of the goalkeeper was and you'd go on Bebo and just

find out everything you could about his girlfriend his sister, his parents and you just you stand beside the goal this is not good, you stand behind the goal you go, hey John, how's Sarah? how's Sarah? Did she get fingered at the weekend? Did she get fingered at the weekend?

and because it's such a small stadium and there's only 50 people in it, he's like shut up, shut up and then we get to half time and then you just run down the other end of the pitch because there's such a small stadium and there's only 50 people in it, he's like, shut up, shut up. And then we get to halftime and then you just run down the other end of the pitch because there's no fucking security. You stand by and say, knuckle. We managed to get a keeper to sub himself off at halftime because he wanted to kick her out.

Yeah, because he wanted to come and kick the shit out of us. So he was like, sub me off. I'm going to go. That's insane. You're describing the podcaster-listen'm going to go... That's insane. You're describing the podcaster-listener relationship in 2020. That's exactly what it is.

Just being tormented non-stop by these people that have too much information about you. Yeah, yeah. When this is all over and you come over to Scotland for the love of God, I'll take you to a proper lower league Scottish football game I mean look it's fun to watch

it's fun to watch like Liverpool win a game fucking 4-3 it's all very exciting have you ever seen a game that ended 9-6 with only 7 players left like the referee sending off linesmen because they get into a fight like man it's so low.

You can hear everything. I've never heard a three-year-old shout the word cunt as loud as I've ever heard it in Aberdeen. Do you want me to wake Charlie up? That's how we got into Queensland. We're all in lockdown for like nine months. And it's like finally when we're allowed out of the house and allowed on a plane again, it's like, yeah, yeah, I'm going to use this precious gift to fly to Scotland to watch a man, a bin man,

punch a guy who's a fucking electrician. Oh, I'm sorry. Would you rather go to Spain? Like, what are you talking about? Where's back? Oh, man. There's a certain Southeast Asian country

I'd like to go to To be completely honest But Yeah Well you saw Bali Bali's in trouble Yeah Yeah

Yeah Why is Bali in trouble? It's It's let It's let the coronavirus Go crazy hasn't it Is that what you were Going to say Nick Cody?

Yeah they had it all they had it all under wraps and then opened up to domestic tourism and shit's hit the fan. Yeah. Just lost to clear that up. Bali is my Liverpool to you. I hate Bali. To me, it's like the local derby,

Koh Samui versus Bali. So that's my feelings towards that. I think that's the only football So that's my feelings towards that. I think that's the only football game that's actually lower tier than any of the ones I just mentioned. Like, those footballers are being like, fucking hell, people over in Scotland have got two jobs, those lucky bastards. Jesus, being a bin man, what a life. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah. By the way, when people in Koh Samui or Bali hear the word bin man, they're like, what's that? Oh, right, I've heard about this. They pick up the rubbish off the street in those countries. Oh, okay. Interesting, interesting occupation. I just saw a site just before the show.

I was walking home from work, and I saw a man running along in shorts and shirt. And I went, this is a funny little looky-likey. That looks like a skinny Tommy Dasolo running along. And guess what it was? It was Tommy Dasolo. Hey-o! No. It was quite a sight.

Tommy Dasolo is absolutely rail thin during this pandemic. Am I really? I feel like I've fallen. Good, you finally got into coke. I've been pushing on you all these fucking years. Just in lockdown. Going absolutely crazy in isolation. Just fucking Grant Hackett style railing up and just destroying my apartment by myself.

He's truly railed. Do lames and shag and names. Yeah, I did see you. Who was that woman you were with, Carl? Completely wasted. My wife doesn't listen to the podcast, so all you're doing is making Sloss and Cody think more of me at this point. So that's fine.

Go for it. I was with two of them. I was with two. All right. Yeah, you were. Nice bro. Nice bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Imagine getting a $5,000 fine from the police to secretly fuck Chandler. What a shit way to lose five grand. They up it to ten? No. You just know I'm paying six grand for it. You know I'm covering it plus a little bit more. Right. Right.

So you're, yeah, so you're, she gets fined more for being with you. It's someone that you're paying to root. So it's just like whoever's filling that book out is just like, God, the maths of this one are just all over the place. This is a nightmare. Yeah, yeah. This is not what i want to use my economics degree for yeah one of the um back in uh back in february one of the last irl dates that i went on with my girlfriend was we went on a ghost tour any of you guys ever go on a ghost tour before yeah not with a romantic partner.

I've done, there's quite a few of them in there. Edinburgh is, air quotes, the most haunted city in the world. It's not because ghosts aren't real. But they market it. Scottish people. There's no such thing as. Scottish people are just pale. They're like, look at all these ghosts on the bus and the airport. Oh, it must be a poltergeist.

This one stabbed me. Also, that's weird because you also think, like, if you died in Scotland, it's like, cool, I get to fucking leave Scotland. Why the fuck are these spirits hanging around? Yeah, we did one in Melbourne. And, you know, it's pretty funny. pretty fun you hear these like interesting little stories and whatnot about these like gruesome murders that happened um back in the day but because we did it on a friday evening you you're like walking around the city on a friday evening so this like mood and atmosphere that this tour guide is trying to

set up of these gruesome stories is just constantly being obliterated by drunk cunts like storming past you like including like we were in the alleyway and we were hearing a story about this guy who murdered his wife and hit her under the floorboards and this couple come up and they're clearly on like a first date and the guy is just listing in ascending order what he thinks the five best sites in melbourne are so like just as we're hearing this like ghost story from behind us we just see this guy walking past this date going number one the mcg number two luna park and then they're out of earshot by this point but i'm just going big drop-off from number one to number two, like this huge, like, world-renowned sporting arena, and then underneath it, a shit theme

park. Yeah. There's a rollercoaster with wooden tracks. That's number two. Lock it in. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But just the look on the girl's face, just, like, hearing about this, like, coming into

contact with this ghost story of this woman being chopped up and hidden under the floorboards while she's on this terrible date just going must be nice like fuck get me out of here did she say I'm gonna join this tour not as a guest as one of the ghosts and just fuck a good dude

yeah jump in front of a car and just going up to the guide and like going just so you'll be able to hear all about me. And just going up to the guide and going, just so you know, here's all the information about me. Here's my life story, because you'll be repeating this at some stage pretty soon. This is why I did it.

This is where I lived. Anyway, boom. Yeah. Ironically enough, it did actually make the ghost tour pretty scary. I wasn't really buying into all the rest of it, but then I saw that and i was like that is just horrifying stuff being stuck on a date with this guy fucking nightmare everyone here's in a relationship isn't they so nobody had to do like quarantine tinder dating or anything did they no no yeah no i just because my

friend was single he's like i've not had sex in about 6 months and I'm like yeah but it's like it's not a risk that you want to take, first of all doggy's the only position that you can trustfully do that's at least one metre and you're not fucking face to face yeah but you can still cough

yeah maybe for you Sloss yeah still maintaining the one and a half metre sloths. Yeah. Still maintaining the one and a half metre distance. Still maintaining the five kilometre radius. Yeah, yeah.

You're still a metre and a half away going, is it in? And she's like, I'm actually chock-a-block. I am. I couldn't have another bite, honestly. Stick a fork in me, I'm done.

Sorry, not fork, cork. So your friend has been having to do the online COVID. So what, Zoom dating, meeting up at parks to just go for a walk? I hadn't even considered the fucking Zoom dating. Like, oh, no, no. They definitely, like, walked near each other in a park. And, like, I don't know. I'm just very glad I got into a fucking relationship beforehand

because surely the quality dropped off during this yeah oh really people taking a risk yeah yeah surely like smart people aren't going out so you're only going to be shagging thick cuts yeah of course yeah you're only you're only going to be rooting like anti-maskers and things like that aren't you like some some conspiracy theorists yeah i would fuck you there but there's a 5g tower nearby so i want to play it safe oh here we go man you think it's a bad time slosh to to be single but that's until you have to spend two weeks in hotel quarantine with a toddler and you go why did i cut my dick off eight years ago now that's what

that's what nick cody has done because done because Nick Cody flew, for listeners, he flew to Brisbane. He was in Melbourne, stuck inside with his small family. He flew to Brisbane, had to do the quarantine, two weeks inside a hotel. Yeah. Now, how did that test the relationship? Did you think of breaking up with your son? Did you think of maybe putting him out for adoption at some stage?

Out for adoption? If you mean out the window, yes. Is that adoption? Wait, wait, wait. Is that why you kept sending me pictures of Charlie and then price tags that gradually got lower over the course of two weeks? Is that? Cody, is that why you kept sending me drafts of a new song

you were writing called Tears in Heaven 2? Yeah, that's right. I just had the window open blasting Eric Clapton saying, pull your head in, cunt. We got lucky because I had to do breakfast radio up here. We got two rooms. So you had to pay for two rooms, but at least there were two rooms side by side

with those connecting doors. So there was like a little tiny one-bedroom apartment connected to just your regular hotel room. So if any of us cracked the shits, which we would inevitably do a couple times a day, you could just go, I'm going to sit in the other room for 10 minutes. And you could just sit in the other room.

Oh, great. And watch some TV. some tv of the man cave but it's got an adjoining door oh that would be awesome shed yeah because you could that's so funny you could get anything delivered you could get anything delivered somebody got a treadmill delivered people i had fucking kettlebells people were getting eskies and dartboards and shit dropped off because the army and the cops ran it and so they were like you guys haven't done anything wrong we can't we just can't let you leave so drop off whatever you want and i've i did turn it into a mad cave i've got seven uh signed broncos jerseys delivered i've got those hung up on the

wall um a couple of those like Heineken mirrors on the wall. Yeah, cool stuff. Saying to the guy from the army, I need one of those signs that says, I don't swim in your toilet, so please don't piss in my pool. I need one of them. Parking only for Bombers supporters, or whatever the fucking...

Whatever else you get from Granny Maze. And some T-shirts. And some T-shirts I bought off Facebook that says, My name is Nick, deal with it. I'm a Sagittarius, I'm a comedian, and I don't take no shit. Do you reckon you'd raise the alarm if you'd said to them, like, hey, yeah, you were just asking about delivery for the day. Is it possible to get a set of sharp knives or just some rope

or, you know, just some prescription painkillers, if that's not available? Yeah. Roughly two more than recommended. I need a bigger bath with hotter water in it and one razor blade that's easy to break apart. That's all I'm after. Very straightforward.

Looch got in trouble first day for trying to get too much wine delivered to the room. Ah, good. She's back. Yeah, she's back. Can I ask, what is too much wine in Queensland? Now, you'll be very interested to hear. Down in Victoria, under

Dictator Dan and other names I read in the Courier Mail, fucking one-paper paper town idiots. They, you can, in Victoria, you can only get a bottle of wine or a six pack to share between a couple each day. Whereas in Queensland, it's two bottles of wine and two six packs per person per day.

Oh, right. And Luke's trying to get four bottles of wine to the room and they said, we'll hold on to a couple and drop them off later. And she was like, no, no, right. And Luke's trying to get four bottles of wine to the room and they said, we'll hold on to a couple and drop them off later. And she was like, no, no, no. Two are for me, two are for my husband, and two are for our three-year-old son. It's all above board. Please, officer.

He hates being left out. He throws a tantrum. He's bored in the ball pit. He's got to have something to do. Chuck a bottle in there. I didn't realise that toddler was drinking. He can skip quarantine. What a fucking legend.

Welcome to Queensland. Man, it's worse though now that I'm out, Chandler. The other day they got new... So we're renting this house, this Airbnb for a few months because I just love paying rent in two places. And the guy said, said hey man we're getting nbn still installed at the house lost that nbn is meant to be like the best internet in australia so it's like scottish soccer you know what i mean you see a lot better quality around the world

but it's what we've got yes and he said i've got to drop something it's the fastest internet in australia yes yeah yeah it's it's we've totally got bin man quality internet over here for sure. Congratulations. You're the oldest child on the cancer ward. Like it's one of them. It doesn't really. That hits a little close to home. Thanks very much.

But anyway. He dropped the modem off and he said, man, I'm glad you're enjoying the place. I wouldn't want to cop any shit on the radio or Little Dumb Dumb Club. And I was, what? And he's a listener. He's a listener of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Now, I don't want to give his full name out on here, but knowing what I've paid him for the four months in his property,

if this cunt isn't the highest level Patreon member, I don't know. Wow. Okay. All right. If he's not a Patreon subscriber of ours, can you please start taking things out of his house and selling them and then giving that money to us and making him an unwilling accidental Patreon subscriber?

If you can do that, that would be great. Fuck yeah. On. Or at least start writing graffiti on the walls for us, ads for us. Listen to the little Dum Dum Club. He was talking about how he listened all the time, and then when he left, I said, see you, mate, and slammed the door, and he didn't laugh.

He was probably like, I've never got that far into an episode, to be honest. So he didn't get the recognition. So that's what I said to Looch. I'm like, if he doesn't know that, I've just become the rudest bloke, like a real over-the-top. See you, mate.

Booze. Yeah, Cody, you need to play it out. Like, how's the quality of the Airbnb? Is everything to your satisfaction? Because this is basically, if you don't like what's going on, you can just tee off on here. You don't have to make a formal complaint or anything. And he's going to hear it.

This is the comment section on Airbnb right now. We need to let this guy know, if you don't take care, if you don't bring around a nice little gift basket for Nick Cody, you're getting a bad review on the Airbnb. This is in your hands, pal. You've got to take care of our friend. What have you got for a bit of thumbs up, thumbs down, Cody? Well, what I'm worried about is that on the radio,

I talked about how shit the internet was, and then the internet got upgraded. Oh, well, keep doing that. Start complaining about your wife. There's some bird in here. There's some bird in here Just man There's a tiny human Coming in shit

What the fuck is this What's the quality Of the blowjobs Like these days Cody Could it be improved Or what's happening Up there Do you think

I'd put that out on here Oh sorry You're saving that for radio Sorry Cody Yeah I'll put that out on here. Oh, sorry. You're saving that for radio. Sorry, Cody. Yeah. I'll save that until parents are in their car listening. Yeah. Call in.

What's the worst blowjob you've ever had? Give us a call. Well, what's annoying? One, triple, three, five, three. It's somebody with their mouth full being like, right now it's so awful. You know what? Man, any...

I just don't get the wind deal. Anyone that sucks anyone off up here between November and March is a true hero. It's the most humid place on the fucking planet. So if you're doing summer sucks in Queensland, you're a hero and you should have your own pocket on Anzac Day to march. Great, great.

You know what I did last night? So in Victoria right at the moment, as we're recording, of course, we've been talking about, you know, we've got certain restrictions and stuff like that. We're doing it tough. Blah, blah, blah. Who cares? Whatever.

Just so you know, I hope you don't think I'm living the high life up here in Queensland. I went to the Brisbane Broncos game the other night and they only let 17,000 in. What's the point? Yeah, you may as well not have gone. It just seems all a bit pointless. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, you know, I was allowed outside the house after 9 o'clock last night, so we're at an equal level. It's sort of the same sort of thing. So last night we had no more restrictions in Victoria. We could go out of the house after 9 o'clock. And so I left the house and I got a call from my wife who'd gone to bed. I hadn't really said what I'd been doing. And she's like, where are you?

What are you doing? And I'm like, oh, I just went out. And she's like, you'd gone to bed, I hadn't really said what I'd been doing, and she's like, where are you? What are you doing? And I'm like, oh, I just went out. She's like, you're up to something. You didn't say what you were doing. You were out of the house. You're up to something. I'm super suspicious. What's happening?

You've got to tell me what's happening right now. She thought I'd gone out to meet up with someone or something. She got super paranoid and went crazy. And it's sort of slightly true. What I'd actually done was I was allowed out of the house for the first time after 9 o'clock. So I'd snuck out and gone to Pizza Hut. And I was having my yearly Pizza Hut, large pizza, just sitting outside Pizza Hut, just eating a $5 fucking pepperoni, worst pizza I've ever had in my life.

That's horrendous. But I'm allowed outside. I'm allowed outside. So that's what I'm doing with it. I don't know if you do that. I've talked to you. You talked about this, Tommy. But you can have the best pizza in the world.

I just feel like you need one horrible fucking pizza once a year. I've got to tell you, I hadn't had it for years and then in the last three weeks, I've had Domino's twice. Man. I am hooked on Domino's. I am fucking loving it, fellas. Man, up in Brisbane, Queensland,

Domino's is fucking everywhere. I don't think they've heard of Italian people yet. So Domino's is fucking crushing the pizza game. It's insane. I had a dominoes the other night oh fuck it was yeah it was one of those it you immediately regret it but it's nice while it's happening well you know what to be honest i that it was dominoes it wasn't pizza i always say pizza because it's like it's like a you know it's like kleenex it's like you just think of that as the noun instead of the brand name. So it was actually Domino's.

It was actually Domino's, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was fucking – anyway, at the time I was like, oh, this is okay, whatever. I don't think I've done this level of shit for a long time. I've destroyed three toilets today. I've gotten two phone calls about what I've done to toilets today. Two people from the toilets themselves. Hang on.

They've become aware. They're smart toilets. Yeah, they're phoning the police. He's done it again. That's T1000. It's Toilet 1000. It's very upset. We may not have time for our regular segment

at this rate. I'm going to need more detail on both of these phone calls, please. Right, well, the first... Dan Andrews and... No. I went to work this morning and I had been to the toilet and I'd had a terrible time of it this morning and I went to

work and I got a call at work from my wife who just was like what did you do to the toilet why didn't you flush the toilet i was like i flushed it twice she was like it clearly wasn't fucking enough that wasn't enough and so i was like she so she shamed me and she went on and on about it i'm like fair enough what excuse do i have and then i got home and then i went and I was like I walked home and I was like out of my mind how badly I needed to go to the toilet

I got home I went to the toilet I then went for a run and I got a call mid run and the second call was from your daughter her first words you're fucked what the fuck I got the second call from my wife after I'd gone again, mid-run.

It was just like, what did I tell you? What did I just say? I was really hoping it was once you got home, you were going to get a call from work going, what the fuck is this? I don't think that, well, to be fair, I don't think the cleaners at the ABC have probably got my phone number. So if they did, I may have gotten another call.

No, it's the first time the cleaners have had to call the homicide squad. Go just put some yellow tape around this fucking thing. It did. Yeah. When you said your wife called you at work, I was really hoping that it was like, she's actually called a work phone like she's like some like a receptionist in there has gone carl um your wife is on the phone about a big poo-poos that you've done about one of your big pops that you've left in the toilet that would be great if if that had happened if my wife had thought you know what abc you can't swear on the abc even on the phones

there so i'll just say poo-poo on the on the complaint line i can't do any brand i can't swear on the ABC, even on the phones there. So I'll just say poo-poo on the complaint line. I can't do any brand. I can't mention brands either. If you complain to Domino's, they'll be like, what do you think there's a big box at the end for? To shit in that. That's not for a house. Go to a park, shit in a box, throw it in a lake.

Well, I'll tell you this. The two Domino's that I've had in the last few weeks are the only pizzas that I've had in the last six months that haven't made me sick. So what does that tell you? Your reek's fucked. I think I'm now an exclusively Domino's man. I don't know what's going on in there, but Domino's is the only thing that doesn't set my body off.

So, yeah. Dominoes over here regularly give me hobbit shit. What does that mean? Hobbit shit. It should have come out in one part, for no fucking reason it came out in three. It's like you do the first shit and you're like, oh, good, that's over.

And then like 20 minutes later, your butthole's like, there's a sequel. And you're like, oh, God, here we go. And then like 20 minutes later, your butthole's like, there's a sequel. And you're like, oh, God, here we go. And you do that shit. And then 40 minutes after that one, Peter Jackson knocks on your door and he's like, please have another shit. I need the money. And also it ends up with a ring on fire.

Well, that's actually Lord of the Rings. But I appreciate the effort. Okay. Well, I'm not a nerd. I don't understand how it all works, so yeah. I follow sports, not whatever that fantasy is. Oh, yeah, you're not a nerd, but you'll happily buy shirts with another grown man's name on the back, you fucking loser. No, no.

I bought a shirt with my own name on the back, and that's the sign of a real grown-up. Oh, so you're just like, I play for the team. My name's on the back, and that's the sign of a real grown-up. Oh, so you're just like, I play for the team. My name's on the shirt. No, what I'm doing, I'm putting my own name on my shirt. I'm pretending I'm me.

That's what I'm doing there. So I'm a real grown-up. Man, I do infinitely worse. Me and my flatmate, during all of this, we've done FIFA career mode together, so it's like we're the same manager. We've put ourselves into the

game, like we created our own avatars, signed us into our own team. I am so shit at football in the fucking game as well. At the moment, we're going to have to sell me. It's the most disheartening thing in the world. Even mid-fantasy, the one thing I've wanted is to just play for my favorite team and i'm just

like i'm not good enough in this game when i made it up i'm still so fucking shite it'd be like me playing call of duty right and i'm just crying the entire time in a bunker not doing anything yeah i came to this to escape reality no it's because when you create a play, you only get a certain amount of attributes and you just gave your player the biggest cock on the field. He can't pass. He can't hit her. He's just tripping over your dick.

You're offside the entire time, thanks to your dick. Accidentally plowing a field. I think my PlayStation controller's broken. I'm getting some weird drift with my character every time I try and play. One of the best things that a regular guest on this show gets roasted about. I mean, of all the things... Oh, man, okay, honestly.

I'm just sitting here. I'm so glad he's back on so I can drill him about his big, meaty cock. Oh, you're in trouble, Sloss. You shouldn't have taken this Zoom call, fuckhead. I can see why you haven't been on the podcast for a while. You've been in Burns Ward. Fucking hell. I was actually getting penis reduction surgery just to come on here

so I could just be like you guys, so I could feel what it's like to be a normal half a man. Well, look, you know what? Speaking of that, Daniel Sloss, I think there's no better segue than that. So I'll let you know what's been happening on this podcast for the last month. So what's been happening is, look, quick recap for any new listeners

and for you, Daniel Soss. So at the start of lockdown, at the start of all this coronavirus, what we were talking about, just apropos of nothing, was what we were going to try and get done during the lockdown. Now, I said I was going to try and learn

how to speak Thai. It hasn't gone amazingly well quite yet, but Tommy Daslow said what he wanted to try and achieve was he wanted to get pegged by his girlfriend. Now, I assume you're a man of the world. You know what pegging is? You know what he means by that?

Yeah, she's going to hang him up to dry. Yep, yep. She's just going to ring wash him and then, yeah, yeah, got it, yeah. And go through him, like a dose of salt. I forget, I haven't seen him in a while. Is that what happens at the end of Braveheart?

Is that why he yells freedom? That's a little viscosity on the inside. There was a strap-on with a hook on the end, so it kind of went in, grabbed and pulled. William Wallace, more like William Wants It. I believe that's what England did to Scotland on that occasion. So, yes, that's what we're talking about. So that's what he said.

That's what Tommy Dantzler said, and we talked about that for a while. Anyway, a few weeks, what, three or four weeks ago on the show, what happened was I tried to make his dream come true. So I gave him a a strap on i gave him the the dildo with a belt for his for his girlfriend to wear now i said you can make your dream come true a slight little um twist in the in the setup was um what i have done is i've got that dildo modelled, moulded on the penis of a comedian that we all know. A mystery comedian that we all know. And I've started a new show within the show.

It's called The Masked Pegger. And so every week clues come out as to exactly whose penis is going up Tommy Tommy Daslow's little bum hole, and who he should be thinking of as it happens. Well, the fact that he's sitting down suggests it's not mine. Well, that's it. That's the thing. Now, Tommy, have you got it there? Now, we put it out on social media,

and a lot of people so far have guessed Daniel Sloss. Let's see. Now, does that look like yours, Daniel Sloss? No, no. I mean, it looks like mine far away. Yeah. Would this fit inside yours? Is that fair to say?

Yeah. If it was a babushka dick, would that be how many down from your cock? Yeah, it'd be two levels down. Yeah. Is that your mini-me? Is that your mini-me? Is that your mini-me, Daniel Sloss? Could you let me see it? Let me see the... So they're circumcised.

Yep. Okay. Yeah, no, I mean, that's definitely... I mean, don't get me wrong, it's the last third of mine, but it's not the rest. Like, I don't know if when it said you get a quarter off, you were like, oh, fuck it, this is good. Oh, no, you meant actual length.

Did you get this from a place that's like that old pizza by the meter place in Carlton? Did you have to pay per inch? It's a bobblehead of Daniel Sloss's penis. It's a scale model. It's one for the kids. That's how they see Sloss's dick from the International Space Station. They see the Great Wall of China and Sloss's dick that size. Yeah, that's the Google Maps version.

Is my job to guess who the penis is, or are you going to give me a clue? No, no, no. So we've been giving clues every week on the show. So I can give you a quick little recap, of course, of who it is. And like I've said before, I'm not ruling out anyone that's been on the show in the last couple of weeks, including the present company. You know, for all we know, Nick Cody and Daniel Sloss are just doing some very excellent acting jobs right now as we speak. Yeah. Nick Cody, very, very popular guest across social media, we should say.

Yes. Another one that a lot of people are certain, convinced that it's you. Well, can I say why it couldn't be mine? You may. You have the floor, Nick. My dick is much pinker than that. Really? I've got the pinkest cock in the West.

It is a particularly pink penis. No, I don't know. I wasn't clipped. Have you turned the lights off and had a look at the penis, Tommy? Because it is glow-in-the-dark. I haven't mentioned that yet. Is it really? Oh, Chernobyl cock.

It is. Oh, wow. Yeah. Fucking give it late sleeper noises. Fuck yes. Yeah, just in case you ever wanted to get fucked by it and look around in the dark and go, what is that in my ass again?

Tommy just thought at bedtime that his missus had brought a fucked lava lamp. It's like, this thing's not... Was it glow-in-the-dark, Tommy? You just turned the lights off and went again? Carl, they've sold you a lemon. It didn't glow-in-the-dark at all. Oh, no. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I've given you the inferior product there. Well, you can't test it if you're sitting on dark. You'll have no idea what's being put in your anus at that point. Sorry. I don't need, I'm not sure I need like, you know, radioactive glow-in-the-dark chemicals up my dot. So I'm absolutely fine with it not delivering as promised. The bridge's too far.

Okay. Hey, no, no, Tommy, Tommy, trust me. Look, this is a little secret from me. You do want a radioactive dick up your ass because just like getting bitten by a radioactive spider, that's why I've got the big dick. That's what happened to you. I was bit by a mutant.

Right, right. And, yeah. You were mild-mannered Daniel Sloss until you were bitten by a radioactive... I was bitten. Okay. Yeah, by a radioactive dick. It went up there.

I absorbed its powers and here I am, which is why I won't have sex with my girlfriend because I don't want her having one, I can't be I just can't Slash you don't want to split in half either, so okay, that makes a lot of sense

Fair enough Alright, so should I give a quick little synopsis? A quick little synopsis of the last three weeks and then we'll give out the week four of the new clues. So we've locked down that this person is a comedian. They've performed all around Australia.

They've acted. There's been recognition for being good at sport. Guaranteed that they haven't just they haven't haven't only lived in melbourne um they've done more than comedy they've had something to do with a big aussie pop hit there's a connection to the royals they've done work for channel nine uh and they've they've done work for me. They've been part of my stand-up shows and they like to have a drink and they don't mind a chaser. So you can see why there's a few things in there

that people are connecting to Nick Cody. Yeah, except for the size of it. Yeah. Yes, yeah. I wish. Yummy. Cody, you can see there's a few clues in there about you any rejoinders

any response from you anything you'd like to officially say to the listeners when I first heard about this my thought was something that our mate Luke Heggy said on the pod the other week and that is I'm not the type of lunatic that can keep an erection while dipping my cock into fucking clay

or however that thing's made. You know what I mean? Right. Right. I freak out if a fucking car horn beeps as someone drives past. It drives past. I don't have the wherewithal to be making dick moulds.

Yeah, you're right. A horn going off is a real boner killer. I'm with you. Especially when it's one of those low rider... By the way, if you want to know the way to keep an erection, it's to pinch your nose and cover your ears because it just stops all the

air leaving your body, so therefore it can't leave your penis. It's very simple. That's cartoon logic. That makes sense. Yeah, yeah. And if you want to do bigger, you can go... I did that and I did a big shit in the bed. Yeah.

I just drop an anvil on my dick and it just swells until it's like 50 times the size. Yeah. And you just avoid all the little birds flying around the top of it and and also my penis gets amnesia then and then i i root with it and then i hit it again and then it's back to normal so yeah it'd be pretty awesome if the dick was like hair and you could you know you could just do what you wanted with it just be like yeah you know i think i'm to grow mine out for the summer.

You know, it's been... It's just a trend. It's been pretty close. I've had a crew cut for 44 years, but I'm thinking about growing my dick out. The hog's got big and ISO. Jesus Christ. Can't wait till the penis

dresses are open again What's in right now? What's in right now? Not your dick Just a guy working on your dick with scissors Just like, so just doing this today? Or macho? Just an undercut, thanks And by that I mean, remove my balls

At the end he holds up a little mirror So you can see your arsehole for no reason Just an undercut, thanks. And by that I mean remove my balls. At the end he holds up a little mirror so you can see your arsehole for no reason. Yeah, can I have a vein? Can I have the veins kind of disappear as it gets closer to the base? Yeah. Can you do lightning marks up the side so it looks like it goes faster?

All right. All right. Chanda, the reason I'm saying it's not mine, I'm not circumcised. That's a circumcised thing. Oh, right. Okay. Okay. Well, that's, I mean, to be honest, if it was mine and I was trying to, you know, put everyone off,

I would definitely, you know, make up that fact about myself. No, no, no. That is my full name. You're not talking to Nick Cody Berg. You know what I mean? It's just a straight up Cody you're dealing with. Well, you know what? This raises a good idea.

This would be a good reveal. What if we did the reveal of whose this was by just elimination and like one week on the show we just get everyone we know on Zoom and just everyone's window is just them pulling their pants down and we just go through everyone's dick until we find the one that it perfectly fits. A real Cinderella story. Yeah, like a cross between that full Monty show and Man O' Man.

Yes. Just a digital pool that we're pushing them into at the end. All right, get out of here, shrimp dick, you're out. A real police penis line-up. You just get one person to go through the line. No, no, no. It's like a bit Guess Who? Guess Who style.

Can you have number three turn to the side? no, no, no. It's like a bit Guess Who, Guess Who style. Yeah. Can you have number three turned to the side? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, my penis doesn't have glasses or a beard. No, put that one down. So, Tommy, has it, I'm sorry if this is a personal question, but has it been up your arse yet?

Good question. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet. What would be really, really horrifying is if just the second it went in, you were like, oh, Cameron James.

Oh, I know that, Dick. This is when you say so. I'm more of a touch kind of guy. I'm more of a touch kind of guy. I'm more of a feel kind of guy. I'm not very

good with visuals. I'm more about kind of vibe and tone. I've got a dick sense. Or your asshole is just

like a really, really pretentious fucking wine. Like it runs it around its mouth. I don't know. I'm getting earthy tones. It could be capper.

It could be capper. Oh, I'm getting... I'm getting open mic vibes. Yeah. Brett Blake, Nick Hanna, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay. So as we stand, as weoc, yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay.

So as we stand, as we stand, Tommy Dassler, you have still not yet to have actually used it for its intended purpose. You don't have that. You don't have any clues in that way. We have no reviews yet of the actual penis inside you. No reviews yet. I've been living with it. I've been living with it. I've been looking at it.

I put it into the harness and put the harness on myself. Oh, really? And walked around the house in it for a little bit the other day. Did your own cock get jealous? Like, was your dick underneath? like, am I being replaced? What is this? What am I, a fucking liver? Yes, we've got a newer, cuter dog, hey?

Time for you to start burning your keep around here. Bring me my slippers, bring the newspaper in. This one never goes soft, so learn from this one. Yeah. Where's your old dick, Tommy? It's gone to live on a farm. Oh, no. Kill me, old cock.

Great. But, yeah, I put the harness on. I just kind of, you know, walked around, tried to get into the mindset, you know, tried to sort of imagine myself as that person. Nothing really came to me. I thought that might help. I like that as a visual very much.

I hope we get to see that at some stage. That's a fantastic visual. And how did that go? Did that make you think of anything? It made me think of things, but nothing that's relevant to this conversation yeah it wasn't it wasn't haunted or anything so as soon as you put it on it like it in you know it inhabited you at some stage the mask oh yeah if i just don't what as soon as you put on you go

what about if i never shower again you're like fuck it's kappa's it's kappa's right what if there'd been like a thunderstorm when that when i tried it on and there was like a freaky friday situation where someone is immediately transported into my body while i'm there in my underpants with the harness on with a strap on in it just immediately waking up in my body and going what the fuck's been going on What was this guy doing? And you wake up as Capra and go, this is worse. This is worse than that situation I just left. Yeah.

Which was me wearing someone else's dick around my lounge room. Yeah. Calling up the Bureau of Meteorology, when's the next thunderstorm? Get me fucking back in there. I'm hating this. Or, yeah, you swap bodies and Capra wakes up in your place and goes, this is sweet. The rent's paid this week. Yeah, fine. I'll live hating this. Or you swap bodies and Cabba wakes up in your place and goes, this is sweet. The rent's paid this week. Yeah, fine. I'll live with this.

Yep. It's like your theory that this dick is like the version of Jim Carrey's mask. Like Tommy just sticks it on spins around the room and then just goes out for the evening. Somebody suck me.

Like his dick does the... Oh, great. Great. All right. Are you guys ready for week four? Week four of the clues. Week four of the clues of the Masked Peg right. Are you guys ready for week four? Week four of the clues. Week four of the clues of the Masked Pegger. Are you guys ready?

Are you guys ready for some brand new information? So excited. Okay, great. Okay, this has been voiced. You're about to hear this. This isn't my voice. This is a slightly different voice than the ones ones we've been uh listening to in the past so uh here we oh let's see i've got this running off my phone so hopefully we all hear this immediately i may not be an absolute superstar on the ground but out of all australian comedians

i'm probably the true king of the air there's a lot of people speculating how successful I am. I'll give you a piece of exclusive information right now that will immediately make me stand out from hundreds of other comedians. And this is it. I have a podcast. You don't have to guess who I am tonight.

There's still a bit of wiggle room. That's it. King of wiggle room that's it I mean King of the Air is not going to help people think it's not me I mean I'm now convinced it's you show me the dick again I'll tell you if it's Cody hold on wait wait before you show me can you put it on coke

sorry I need to speak I need to that's the only way I can recognise it. Sloss, if you can think back to Cody's wedding night, yeah, put yourself in that picture again, you might be able to recognise that. Did they send you a few different models, Chandler? Like, you know how you've got the Invisalign

and there's the different sizes? Did they have your, sorry, I've got to thumb it in, I'm a bit maggot? Upgrade. Okay. So that's an interesting bit of information there. King of the air. The true king of the air of Australian comedy.

What's annoyed me? I'm like, who's this cunt? Who's saying they're the fucking king of the air? That's annoying me. Well, is it? I know, know Chando years ago you did a stand up gig

with a few other comedians in the sky Tommy Little and Pete Hellyer yes I did you're right correct

Tommy Little was one of my guesses but yes I did do a gig we talked about that on the pod did a gig with Pete Hellyer and Tommy Little

they both did very well at the gig in the plane, in the air. I was slightly different to them, but yep, I technically did the gig. Yep. I can say I did a gig in the air. All right, I've got a guess. Bruce Dickinson. Bruce Dickinson from Iron Maiden. Now, I'll just check the list of people we've had on the pod.

The man who pilots the Iron Maiden jet that they fly around in. Now, that to me, it's their jet. It's got their logo on the side of it. I mean, what more of a king in the air could you have than a man who's flying himself to his own gigs in his own branded jet? To be fair, I think there's a bigger chance of it, considering the dick is going to go into your arsehole, there's a better chance of it being John Travolta, Tommy.

So, no, I can rule out Bruce Dickinson. True king in the air. I think at the end there, there's an interesting bit of wiggle room now. I've been convinced about a number of these. There's a bit of wordplay going on, so I'm trying to focus on that bit of wiggle room. You reckon it's one of the wiggles? What a fucking game that would be. I think it's one of the wiggles, yeah.

Wake up, Geoff. We've got to make you cast your dick. Stay asleep. Way easier. Don't wake up but you're looking you're overlooking a very big clue that this person has a podcast i mean that narrows it down to about 700 000 people so i'm thinking maybe if there's this person has some kind of connection to the Wiggles, that could also tie into the previous last week's, or was it the week before, clue about having something to do with an Aussie pop hit.

Ah. There could be some kind of connection there, someone who's worked with them, because they would have surely had stuff that's been considered a hit, surely, technically. For sure. Another reason I want to say, Tommy Little and Joel Creasy, I think, I hope I'm not throwing them under the bus here, but have

had deals with Eddie Had in the past, like little ambassador deals. Where they got a certain amount, you know, they did tiny little ads for them and got a certain amount, you know, they did it, little tiny little ads for him and got a bunch of flights and stuff, which would make them sort of, not the true king in the air, they don't know how kings work, but maybe a prince of the sky.

Yeah. Also, Tommy Littles does seem like the type of person that would get circumcised just because it's like the done thing. It's got fuck all to do with religion. He just genuinely made it more streamlined or whatever, or he did it for a fucking dare. Yeah, he'd do it because it's March and he's only got 25 minutes of a new show,

so he'd just fucking cut his own dick skin off. I mean, look, putting my own head out of this competition as a bystander, I would be ruling out Joel Creasy because I would just think, you know what, if Creasy wanted your arse, I reckon he could just have it. I reckon he could just do it himself with his own dick. I agree. Yeah.

And from what we've heard in the comedy circles, Joel Creasy approaches the great Daniel Sloss in the trouser department. Is that a thing? I didn't know that. That's what we hear. Yeah, that's what I hear. Interesting. Good on him.

Yeah, he's the Australian version of the Australian. He might have the license, you know, like the Australian Daniel Sloss comedy show. Tommy, are you not worried this might, like, get in front of the staff or maybe like a fucking princess and the pee moment? Like it just goes in and you just... It doesn't touch the sides.

No, no, like, it goes in and suddenly, like, you've looked at it all this time, but once it goes in you just suddenly go, there's a fucking, there appears to be some sort of bump on that. Like, some sort of lump that sort of protrudes and then that's how we find out whoever it is has dick cancer. Ah!

Like, it's just... Right. This has actually all been paid for. This has all been paid for by some kind of, like, get your prostate checked kind of charity. Not charity, but, yeah. This is an undercover awareness campaign. That's so great, because I've seen that on TV when there's someone been on TV.

There's been a lady on TV and she's had a low-cut dress and there's been a doctor watching TV, seen a little lump, rung up the show and gone. You might want to check out that lump. It's been a tiny little start of cancer and they get it removed because of that. So that's a similar story for you. I felt this little sort of wart go in my anus and I thought, you know what? You might want to get that checked out. Yeah.

But the funny thing is because we don't find out who it is yet, you've just got to wait for like weeks or months before you can give the clue to someone that they've got tick cancer. Yeah. As it goes up stages. We could have saved this guy, but Tommy didn't guess

quick enough. He didn't. It's all Tommy's fault. He should have known. Imagine if we found out that's why Steve Jobs died. Because he's Dick Dildo. He was in a comp and they couldn't tell him soon enough. No, no.

Steve Jobs died because he was a fucking loser. That's why he was a thick cunt And that's why he died Take that you bitch Hey If you want to use alternative medicine Be prepared for the alternative fucking results At the moment

What's about to happen to Tommy is definitely alternative medicine So maybe it could be Steve Jobs Matt I'm flicking through Old I've just done something happened to Tommy, he used definitely alternative medicine, so maybe it could be for jobs. I'm flicking through old, I've just done something that will wreck the cookies on my phone, which is type comedian dildo into Google. You're about to get some good Facebook ads in the next couple of days, Nick Cody. Man, I was looking through old the cast names on the show.

I'm fucking genuinely stumped. What was the first clue there? There was King of the Air. King of the Air. There was a podcast, has a podcast. And there was, you don't have to guess who I am tonight. There's still a bit of wiggle room. I would say there's three.

I think a lot of these clues point to it being you. Could be. When did the dick get made? Because I haven't had a drink this year, but there is a good chance I would have stuck my dick in clay towards the end of last year. All the information that's out there is out there. Look at me as the Osher Gunzberg of the show.

I have no additional information. I'm just the host. I don't know anything more. It's just the clues that are out there. So that's what you've got to work with. Nazeem, what about Nazeem? Nazeem, I say king of the air because he was the guy that flew and he was the king of Moomba and he did that bird challenge.

Oh. Dressed as a kebab. And he jumped off the bridge in the made-up little fake plane. That's interesting. Didn't he do a kebab? Oh, yes, he did. Fuck. Did he do a what?

I'm so... He went in... His costume was a kebab. I'm so glad that was correct. Oh, yeah, yeah. Otherwise, fuck, I'd look bad. Yeah, well... Yeah. I'm glad glad that was correct. Otherwise, fuck, I'd look bad. I'm glad that was Nazeem's idea because for anyone else

to suggest that he's kind of racist. Kind of? So do we have, we're getting to the end of this episode, do we have any guesses? Would you like to go on the record and have any guesses? Tommy Little. Yeah. That's your, Daniel Sosser's guess is Tommy Little Would you like to go on the record and have any guesses? Tommy Little.

Yeah. Daniel Soss's guess is Tommy Little. All right, that's on the board. I'm also going to lock in Tommy Little because I love him and obviously we've all known him for years, but he's a guy that he's a people person, wants to be out and about, he's having fun. So him locked in his house is like, I'll fucking make a

dick cast i'm i'm fucking bored yeah yeah yeah you know and he's already had one have you seen his tattoos yeah have you seen his tattoos i was gonna say he's got a lot of joke tattoos i know who it is who it's fucking ronnie cheng oh talk us through that it's fucking r Chang. Oh, talk us through that. It's fucking Ronnie Chang, right? Because, right, here's my theory. I don't think this was actually fucking made. I don't think you specifically made this. Ronnie Chang is the king of fucking merch. I reckon mid-lockdown, this has been the new thing he's doing,

and this is him advertising on the podcast because he's going to sell his dick after the fucking shows. Yeah, right. Okay. That's an interesting idea for sure. And Roddy would absolutely claim to be king of the air. Like he's done all the day. Oh, he doesn't have a fucking podcast.

Does he? Well, he's had one. Yeah, he's had one. I mean, he's never said he's finished his podcast. And look, a circumcised penis, that's very streamlined, that's very

attention to detail, that's a very Ronny Chang. Very efficient. And it's a good spin-off name, Crazy Erect Asians. Yeah, and you know, after looking at the penis, you know, it could be Crazy Thick Asians. You know? Well, I'll tell you guys this. So, yeah, I haven't used this yet,

but I did mention a couple of months ago, Sloss, that they'd been in further discussion about this topic before the masked pegger came up on the show, about the topic of pegging. My girlfriend didn't think I had it in me. We'd kind of gone cold on it. We'd gone cold on it as a relationship activity. It really, I'd sort of decided that it probably wasn't for me.

What I am a fan of is a bit of a finger up there. Can't get enough of that. It doesn't. Yeah, great. Yeah, of course. It's the best. To build myself up for this, what I thought I would do this week is I'd do a bit of prep.

Now, I've gone out and I've commissioned some audio. I've commissioned some audio from people that I think most likely this dick belongs to. So I wanted to kind of commission a bit of audio that I could listen to while I gave myself the finger just to kind of get into the mindset of what it kind of feels like to be drilled by this person, just so I could sort of... Wow, this is really method. You're the Daniel Day-Lewis of anal.

Yeah. I like this. I want to swap Dave for something else, but... So I'll play you these quick audio tapes that I got made up by these friends of the show. And if anyone, you know, any listeners who want to use this for their own purposes are now absolutely welcome to because they do now become public domain by me playing them on the show. So here's first cab off the rank.

This is Brett Blake. Oh, yeah, Tommy. I've represented myself in court and now I'm representing myself up your fucking ass. Ooh, I may be dyslexic, but here's a word I can spell. B-U-M-M-I-N-G. Oh, you can't spell dyslexic without a big old D. Oh, thank God, Tommy, you gave in to Carl's bullying and that way you're fucking getting smashed by me. Fuck yeah. Oh, enjoy this ride.

Ooh. All right, that's Brett Blake. Wow. I can't believe this. I'm convinced. I'm convinced now. Yeah, that's what a Zoom magazine hears in a port-a-loo on a job site. Fuck.

on a job site. Fuck. Okay, now I've got another one here. Did he record this before we even just got this game going? Yeah, he had that in the chamber. Yeah, God. All right, I've got two more. This one's Nick Capper. It's me, Nick Capper.

Today I'm going to be a little less phone hack and a little more butt hack. Someone who smells like shit, I feel really at home going up the butt. I'm going to drill you so good, you'll need a shower afterwards. I won't be joining you. Oh, I'm the naughty footpath crack inspector. Ho, ho, ho. Boy, do we have a crack here. Oh, huge one. I'm going to have to clog it up with my dick. Okay, so that's Nick Capper.

And then far and away the final one. This is the one that absolutely made me come the most when I heard it. This is Josh Earle, very popular guest. Can you sing it? Yeah, it's me, Josh Earle. Long-time listener of the pod, first-time rooter of one of the hosts. Don't you know who I am? I'm the guy bumming you.

Last talking dum-dum, you said I've got a child's name. Well, now you've got a man's cock up your ass. Yeah, even though I work in a library, I won't be telling you to be quiet anytime soon once I start smashing that ring. Last time I was on the podcast, we talked about enjoying a finger up the bum. Well, it looks like you're getting more than you bargained for. Can't spell Dasolo without without adding a D to the arse. Hello. All right. Yeah, I don't know if that... At the very least, all three of them are very good voiceover artists.

That was excellent. That was good to listen to. Yeah. I mean, yes and no. I mean, Kappa sent me that each line as an individual voice memo over Facebook Messenger, which was a fucking nightmare to download and clip together. That's creepier than a fucking note left with all different letters

cut out of different magazines. That's the 2020 version. Yeah, I can't wait to get fucked by the Zodiac Killer. That's exciting. All right. Well, that is me. That's me getting prepped, getting a digit up there and seeing how I feel about it. If you're getting that up there, that means that surely this is getting closer to being concluded, Tommy Daslow.

We'll see. We'll see. Who's to say? Okay. So nothing's written down yet? No, nothing confirmed? How far along are we? Nothing's set in stone.

Are we just the tip, or how far along are we into this game? Well, that's what I'm waiting to conclude. I mean, I've got these clues up my sleeve. I need to know how many clues we need to put out there, but we're just waiting on Tommy's say-so. On the socials,s chando has anybody guessed it yet uh there's been a lot a lot a lot of guesses so um i would say i would say probably i haven't i've looked at all the socials but i would imagine so it's have you have you seen

one that's been correct have you have you cited one where you've gone, oh, they've gotten it? I think so. Yes. Yes. Look, I would say, I will say now, yes. But that's not ruling many people out. There's been probably 100 people guessed. But yes, it has been guessed.

Okay. I mean, I'm genuinely invested, no? Not as invested as Tommy Daslow will be. Yeah. So, okay. All right. So still no locked down date in which we're going to conclude this. But we've got your guesses on the leaderboard.

We're getting towards the finale. Look, I want to save it for next time. I don't want to say too much more. But we are rapidly towards the finale. Look, I don't want to save it for next time. I don't want to say too much more. But we are rapidly approaching the finale. We're rapidly approaching the finale. If push comes to shove. Yeah. Shove off.

What a year. We're getting close. We're getting close. That's all I need to know. What a year 2020 has been. Dassler's about to get pegged by a comedian's dick that's been turned into a dildo and slosses in Scotland with sunshine on his face.

A thing I'd never thought would happen. The world has gone to the fucking dogs. No, no, no. Nick, Nick, Nick, you forget. No, we've just nuked England and that's the mushroom cloud's gone up. This is utter radiation. Must be nice.

Very nice, very nice. All right, we'd better wrap it up for another week. Nick, Cody, Daniel, Sloss, thank you so much for joining us. Cody, you have got your podcast Mid-Flight Brawl with friend of the show Luke Heggy, where you talk about air rage incidents. And Daniel Sloss, you have got your specials on Netflix. You've also got your most recent one was on HBO,

which I believe is probably on their streaming app if people have access to that. Anything else you'd like to plug? Oh, you've got dates rescheduled, right, for Australia in 2021? Well, yeah, but by the looks of things, the way you had it, I'll not be there. I will try my best to get there, but it's, you know, just depends.

But we've got plenty of English fans, so, yeah, you've got live dates over there. I do. Well, I mean, for the time being, yes. I mean, just go to my website. I'm fucking famous, man. Work it out. Yeah, yeah, sure, sure, yes. I mean, just go to my website. I'm fucking famous, man. Work it out. Yeah, yeah. Sure, sure, sure.

Cool. Hey, before you leave, just really quick, just want to let you guys know you're not the only ones that have been mentioned in Parliament. I know Slosh just had to say then that he's the most famous,

but wasn't it Cody got mentioned in Parliament the other day? What law's been brought in? Huh? What law? They renamed the fucking King Punch, did they? Yeah. Already renamed to Coward Punch, didn't stop me,

and now it's Cody's Punch. Cody's Kiss. Have you... Hang on, are we waiting for audio what's happening are we going to get a reveal here oh no it's a bit of a fucking weird one

I should have brought it up earlier because my grandad passed away hold on where's the laugh button on my machine but he's I'll do it no he was a lifelong like volunteer for the Labor Party. And so Tim Pallis read out a big thing in Parliament about my granddad

and just mentioned that I was a stand-up comic in there. So not only dum-dum has been mentioned in Parliament. Yeah, nice. Finally, something to come out good out of a death. I appreciate it. Yeah, well, good to mention that in the plugs. So, yeah, check that out if you're... Yeah, check. Finally, something to come out good out of a death. I appreciate it. Yeah, well, good to mention that in the plug. So, yeah, check that out if you're going to Parliament. Check that out.

If you're reading Hansard, get a copy this week. Some have HBO, some have Hansard. We've all got stuff going on, all right? We're a little bit close to something that sounds like hand side but anyway guys thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time and they've done it again oh they certainly have tommy great call well done well intonated um that's just a great review what what else can you say about that episode that we haven't recorded yet and so have no fucking idea of how it went?

Yep. Should be good. Looking forward to it happening in about, what would you say, 48 hours time or so? 52 hours time. And if those people pull out of the show, fuck knows what we're going to do because we're recording it the night before it goes out. That's why we're not saying any names. Doesn't change what we're doing

here. I reckon it's my favourite episode yet and it was so cool. It was so cool that you guys could get... Hey, you may have been on it if those two pull out. What do you mean? Hang on a minute.

Who's hacked in? Who's hacked in? How is Julian Assange? How is homeless Julian Assange hacked into our fucking podcast? Hang on. That's Nick Capper, everyone, for some reason. Who dropped out? Nick Capper.

Van Damme or Wesley Snipes. That's what I want to know. Which one dropped out? Yeah. And our legendary 80s action hero podcast that we do every week yep now nick kappa thanks for joining us you we've got you expressly in for the start of um talking dumb dumb this week just to remind everyone of uh of the little the little competition we had going about a month ago or so and it was called called? Kappa's Cartoon Connection.

That's it. KKK, named after your favorite organization. And so we're going to have the winners. Yeah, that's it. We're going to have the winners announced next episode. Yes. But you're just giving a quick heads up, a bit of a reminder, right? Guys. Now, what were we after? You still have a week to go. episode yes but you're just giving a quick heads up a bit of a reminder right guys now what what

were we after you still have a week to go and so we would rather you mail it into the po box carl you have told me that there has been some extraordinary entries there has been some people yes they have great drawing ability they They have great coloring in ability. You've said something. Now, what it was is we wanted to sort of like replicate Agro's cartoon connection but make it Kappa. There's a prize bag on offer, but we want to see your drawing skill on the audio podcast. We want to see it colored in.

We didn't give specifics of what you had to draw, but basically everyone has drawn you, Kappa. So if we can get... I'm happy with that. We've got some great renditions of Kappa so far. Now, look, we wanted to expressly make the most of the fact that we own a P.O. Box. Of course, that's the Little Dum Dum Club

at P.O. Box 6063 Hawthorne West, Victoria 3122. But, look, we've got a week to go. I know I've heard from people that are worried because of the mail delays at the moment that it's not going to get there in time. Look, you know what? Let's open entries to online entries as well at the last minute. If you've been sitting on a big old humdinger

or even if you've been sitting on a good picture of Kappa, send that in via email and that's um little dumdum club at gmail.com um yeah if you can email us that uh and at least i don't know you can draw it and then color it in and then take a picture of it maybe or yeah we want to do it that would be preferred do we still want this to have a hand-drawn element? I'd like that very much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, don't just be like taking a photo of Kappa and, you know, fucking putting a filter on it.

No. We still want there to be like hand-drawn, take a photo, scan it. This is Kappa's Cartoon Connection, not fucking Photoshop Idiot Club, okay? Yes, exactly. That's next week. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Photoshop Idiot Club. at club okay yes exactly that's next week yeah yeah yeah so what um so you've have you got any favorites already carl have you been looking through the entries absolutely coming in or are you saving them for the big okay any favorites any uh yeah there's contenders there's some real contenders you've got a good mix of everything. You've got some really great penmanship, some excellent likenesses, and then some absolutely horrific entries that are good because they are so fucked. So there's a very good, interesting mix. And so it's hard to tell what's the best in a way. Oh, man, I can't wait for this.

I reckon it's going to be awesome. I'm so wait for this. I reckon it's going to be awesome. I'm so stoked for this. I think... I'll be interested to see how you guys want to judge it because, you know, what do you really want? Do you want Leonardo da Vinci to draw a picture of Kappa or do you want a homeless guy to get a stick and stick it up his own ass

and draw a picture of Kappa from his own shit? Like, what would you rather? It's the eternal question. I think, yeah. I think, I don't know. I don't know. We kind of mildly discussed this, Carl, but I think now we, from tonight, we are allowed, oh, no, it's two different households, not three different households.

I was going to say, we should, you can give me the drawings somehow, drop them off in my mailbox. I will look at them on a Zoom call with you guys, show them to the cameras, and plus we'll record it on a podcast, release it as a Patreon, but also we'll record the video and we'll put that for the $10 members or you can buy the video or whatever. What are you talking? You have made this sound so complicated.

I think what my young disabled friend is trying to say is that we were going to look at the artwork. This is a real connection for me. Yeah, I was going to hold up the artwork. I was going to hold up the artwork to the camera we look at it on zoom we record that conversation so that everyone can see the pictures and we upload it to facebook or instagram or twitter like a couple of days later so um everyone can actually see the artwork as we're talking about it that's all i don't know what

capital yeah well i thought i thought people might want to right you know buy the or pay extra for the i don't know i was trying to get you more people in but you don't you guys don't really need an auction i don't mind that cappers i don't mind that at all check this out tommy cab is trying to help us with money very nice what i'm trying to say is i'll get my dick out for 30 bucks okay 30 bucks yeah that's nice well don't overcomplicate that, man. That's a simple, great offer. Just make that nice and clean so everyone knows. $30.

$30 a week. I don't mind the idea of us auctioning off some of these artworks. Should I say this? I have now, I don't know if this violates any kind of terms and conditions of the Kappa's Cartoon Connection competition, but I myself have submitted an entry.

And I'd be interested to see whether or not you're able to tell which one is mine. I absolutely know which one's yours, actually. Do you really? Because I got it, and I was like, oh, this is a good entry. And then I was like, I know who's done this.

It's either one of like three people. And now that you've said that, I know exactly it's you. So, yes. Who are the other two possibles? The other two were Looney. Picasso. Looney. And Banksy. Damn, that's frustrating because I drew it with my wrong hand to

try and throw you off the scene. It's a lot harder to do than you'd think. You know what else you did? You're the only person to not put a name on it, which absolutely set off alarm bells. I put a name on it. I put a name on it.

Did you? I put a name in a return address. I don't think you did put a name on it. Did you? I put a name in a return address. Oh! Maybe... I don't think you did put a name on it. Was that Bill Leaky Dick? I did. No, I put a name in a return address on the envelope. Pick my arse-o with a dick. Lunig.

I hate anti-vaxxers. I don't know. Something like that. Lou. Lou N-word. Oh, Jesus Christ. Carl. Anyway, it's weird that Tommy signed that. It was weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, well, this is it. This is it, guys. When this comes out, send it in immediately. We need that in time for next week. It's a true honor. And there is a prize pack on offer. There is a prize pack. Plus, I reckon the best one, I'm going to print it on a shirt or a jumper

and just fucking wear it around. Okay. Okay. You know what? Okay, great. There's a few good ones, so it's worth doing. Yeah, I reckon so, man. I think so.

I reckon I'm in. I reckon it could be sick. Sick stuff. I reckon... Let's all do it. You know what? Let's all get a shirt made of our favourite one individually and then just wear them around constantly. You should do this, Kappa.

What about this? You get the winner blown up to like A0, whatever it is, and stick it up in your house. I reckon you could do that. Man, that'd be sick. And have it and colour it in. Colour it in yourself. I'm living the dream here.

This is the dream for me. I love Agro's Cartoon Connection. I loved all that stuff. I love Saturday Disney. This is the dream. I'm telling you, Kappa, I reckon the ones in my head at the moment, I've got a pile of entries. At the very least, the top three or four entries,

I can totally see in my mind's eye that had been blown up behind you in a zero on your wall and it looking absolutely respectable they are there's some quality entertaining really yeah yeah oh thank you guys anyway i better go but thank you so much yep and i've got to go i'm in trouble alright he's getting emotional yeah yeah he's getting emotional but yeah thank you so much

and yeah send your entries into Kappa's Cartoon Connection I'll print one as a t-shirt this is a true delight it's still not too late

and thank you guys for letting me be a part of this it's the it's the Archibald Prize but just for one fuckhead

Archibald yeah Archibald the Stenchibd Prize, but just for one fuckhead. Archerbald. Yeah. Archerbald. The Stencherbald Prize. Yeah. Yeah, there we go. There we go. All right, Kappa.

All right, guys. See you, Kappa. I'll catch you around. We'll see you next time. We'll see you for the big judging pageant. See you, Kappa. Bye-bye. Bye.

I'm going to kick you out of the video chat. All right. That cunt he's gone shut up now piss off do you want to remove Nick Capper once removed

Nick Capper will not be able to rejoin yeah that's what I want fuck off there he is must be nice to have that option and then there were two alright so what have we got this week

of course yeah look what haven't we said about that great episode we have just recorded already what an absolute delight we should get those guys or girls back in again one time and um yeah hopefully yeah that would be great that would be i mean if we could recapture the magic of the 43 minute mark again wow what a show we'd have but until then I guess yeah look dream on now what do we get to

talk about we've done the we'll hold over the the CBS mail bag to next week of course like we've just said conclusion is next week we'll find out who wins the prize pack Kappa is going to add some stuff to the prize pack as well there's merch from add some stuff to the prize pack as well.

There's merch from us and there's stuff from Kappa as well. So there's quite a prize. There might even be a second prize. Oh, this is exciting. I'm looking forward to judging them. Very, very exciting. So we'll hold over the CBS, the culmination of just basically having the CBS mailbag until next week.

Okay. Let's get straight into the Patreon spiel, Tommy, I reckon. It's price tax time. Thank you, everyone, for subscribing to us on Patreon at patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. That's how you two little boys get some money. dot com slash little dumb dumb club that's how your two little boys get some money make this podcast worth our own little while especially now that there's no live comedy no live stand-up stuff that we lean on for our uh our pay during the year of course like everyone uh our income has been affected that's how ours has been affected and if you'd like to recompensate us for that in a nice

way you are also getting a heap of bonus content so it works both ways you get to feel good about your favorite little dickhead charity but you also get a heap of bonus extra bullshit to listen to um so that's nice and fun uh and of course you get a chance to get your name immortalized in talking dum-dum and um and be personalized that person personally get a chance to get your name immortalized in Talking Dumb Dumb and be personally thanked by us and have your name absolutely dissected for probably five minutes. Yep. To make it fair, we're always getting people saying, why not my name?

Well, the reason is it's out of our hands. We have the only legal name alternator there is on the market at the moment, the UTA, the unplanned title alternator. It keeps everything completely random above board. It means the podcast advisory board aren't fucking bashing down the doors every week because we keep showing the license of the UTA. It means we're keeping things fair. It's sort of connected to our,

it's sort of like the roadside assistance to our insurance, sort of. So it just makes sure that we're covered in case the show breaks down. Yeah, right. Is that fair, Tommy? We're lucky that we've never had to call them out, but maybe this could be the episode.

We might have to get them to come out and tow this podcast back home. But fingers crossed, fingers crossed. You know, better to, like we always say, better to have it and not need it. Yes. Just in case we leave the lights on all night on this podcast. Yeah, and we get up and the podcast is flat. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Let's crack in. We need to get another more successful podcast to come with the jumper leads. We need to get Will Anderson to drive out with his jumper leads and steal a bit of juice off of Tofop to get this thing going again. Exactly. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Matthew Hardy. Oh, hell yes. Oh, you like that? Patreon subscriber Matthew Hardy. Oh, hell yes.

Oh, you like that? Nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with that at all. Right. Is this... No. This isn't... No.

No, okay. No. No. This isn't Matthew Hardy. This is Matthew Hardy. Matthew Hardy. Yeah. Right.

Okay. Had to ask. It would be remiss of me not to ask. There's someone in the comedy industry called Matthew Hardy, Yeah. Right. Okay. Had to ask. Would be remiss of me not to ask. There's someone in the comedy industry called Matthew Hardy, but this is not him. This is a punter. Right. Okay. Yep.

One of the Hardy boys. There we go. There we go. There is something nice about having the word hard in your surname as a boy isn't there there is something uh it's funny you know what's funny though is that yeah because of um so yeah there is a matthew hardy in the comedy industry and maybe it's you know like knowing him personally i've never really put that together i've never really thought of it like oh this guy has the word hard in his name.

But then something about hearing this guy's name completely, you know, unconnected, someone I don't know, it's almost like my brain was a lot freer to go, oh, wow, a bit like a hard dick. You know what I mean? I would feel weird thinking that about a friend of mine, someone I know, but just someone that I'm completely detached from. Yeah. Yeah, you're fine with that.

I was able to let myself go there. A nice hard mat. Yeah. What do you think about a mat finish? Into it. I'm really into it. Into it. You ever seen those cars with the mat finish?

Don't like it. Can't say I have oh i'm familiar i quite like the i really like seeing one on the road you'll just every now and then you'll see one and i'll be like oh wow but then i very quickly think imagine having one of them no that wouldn't be that good, actually. But very nice thing to look at. I don't know that I've ever seen one in my life, or is that, have I seen one and just haven't really been aware of it? They're not that. Is it crazy to think that I've never seen one? They're not very common? No, they're not that common, and they're also, they've only, they haven't been around for

that long. I think it's a relatively recent phenomenon. I mean, look, years ago in Maribor, i sort of once saw a matte finish car but it wasn't on purpose it was literally someone who decided to paint their car with house paint and that was a that was a matte finish but i don't think it was a finish that they thought they were getting once they've started once they first pulled the bucket that's a that's a great um down at the hardware store just buying just buying a big bucket of Dulux. Yeah.

Oh, what part of the house is this for? Like, you know, you've got a baby on the way or for the nursery? Nah, just for my car, for my Honda. Just going to splash it all over the hood. Walking into a Taubman's, what colour do you want? Have you got Toyota? Nah, I don't know. I'm going to need orange, yellow.

I'm planning to paint some flames down the side of it. So, yeah, just the colours of fire would be great. Thank you. What makes my car mean my walls go faster? Have you got red so my walls can go faster? walls go faster. Have you got red? So my walls can go faster.

Yeah. So was this like a well-known car in Maryborough? No. Did everyone know the fuckhead who had the house paint car? No, I'd like to think that in Maryborough that's not notable. That's not that notable that someone does that. Right, right. I do remember seeing it.

That's the mayor. That's one of the smarter people going around. That's it. That was, he was on the float in the parade, and it was, yeah, that was it. The limo, the house painted limo. Imagine that. Fucking hell. Yeah.

That'd be great. Yep. That's the, yeah, that's the, that's the first matte finish I ever saw. That's pretty funny if I then, because, you know, getting a matte finish now is very expensive, and it's on these crazy, sick-ass cars, and the first time i see that i just go that's like that

cunt in meribarra with a fucking big leader of right of wattle paint wattle yellow on his commodore if you're the guy if you're the guy getting that done on the car you're spending a lot on it and the idea that that would be someone's first thought when they see it, oh, this is like some darrow from my small town. You'd be so mortified to know that that was the response that was issued for all that money. Like, oh, that's the sort of stuff you just can't control. It's me thinking, that's weird that the guy that owns that Corvette

is so fucking dumb that he used house paint on it. You know. Yeah. Yeah. Or you just go up to him. You're like, how much did you spend? And he tells you. And you're like, you got ripped off, man.

You could just get a nice little tub of that from down at the art supply shop. Man. Get a bit of, not even house paint. Get a bit of acrylic and just splash that all over there. Just don't even pay for it. Get enough samples. Just go in every day and just keep getting one of those little pots until you've got enough um to to paint your jaguar easy or mate i mean i just did the garage and i've got a bit left over um if you want me to just you know do the back of your car in uh in off white you know the next time i paint time someone else paints another room,

it might be white, but it's all basically the same. You know, you get a whitish car. I've never painted a house, but that would be very frustrating. You paint a house and you've got house paint left over because it's like, you know, what do you do? Oh, okay, I guess I'll just build another room out the back so that I can use up this paint. You know, it gonna sit there forever do you sell it if you haven't used it in the house you're not gonna i guess you just yeah you can you sell it on give it to someone

or do you get on ebay or anything did you surely there's a market for for stuff like that there should be a market for very fluid like literally fluid but fluid like little leftover things not not chicken at the end of a stir fry or anything like that, but yeah, exactly. A bit of paint leftover from a job, a few bricks leftover from this. There could be just like an odds and ends shop. A bit of paint here, a few bricks there, a couple of hooks or something, you know, things that, a lot of old baby gear.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, baby gear is classic, isn't it? Yeah. And as you would well know, it gets outgrown within a month or two. Yeah. Especially in the first year or two years of life, move on very quickly. Yeah. What have you been doing?

Have you amassed a, is there like a bit of a, you know, stockpile of, first year or two years of life move on very quickly yeah what have you been doing have you amassed a uh is there like a bit of a you know stockpile of um now discarded baby things that you got to get rid of uh yeah absolutely there's a bunch of um things she's now a little bit too big for that is absolutely just getting in the way of of people entering all sorts of rooms where you're just going, well, I guess that just sits there forever now because it officially cost us too much to just chuck out, but we don't know anyone to give it to. So that's just, instead of throwing it away and technically being a waste of money,

let's keep it in the house and it makes our life harder. Yeah, but at least we haven't yeah made a loss quite yet on it yeah yeah yeah my uh my girlfriend at the back of her share house has a discarded baby changing table that i think like an ex-housemate of hers wanted to store there for a bit or something and never came back and got and it's like a discarded baby changing table when there's no baby in the house and has never been a baby in the house it's just such a like disturbing thing to see you know what i don't know i don't think i said this on the pod but you know i was getting before we had a baby we were getting advice from different people and

and the one piece of advice that really stuck with me was nazim hussein who said here's my piece of advice don't buy a baby change table it's a rort oh yeah you absolutely don't need it you can just use whatever like it's just you know people just think you have to get it because it's got a name and you get convinced to do it and i'm like yeah okay that's and it stuck with me and so i said that to my wife and she's like no i'm gonna get one anyway i was like okay well you got warned and then we got one and i cannot believe that naz went without a baby change table because we use it oh really all day every day i don't know what the fuck he was doing it's insane to think of what he... He must have been just getting his baby

to shiddle over his fucking dining table every day. I don't know how he went without one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, I guess it's just that. Is it just having an extra surface? It's just having another table or something that you don't ever use for anything else, which doesn't mean that you in general don't need a baby changing table.

It just means that he specifically did not need a baby changing table. Yeah, it just means he didn't really care about his baby and just put it wherever and let it – took off its diaper in the middle of the dinner table, let it shit on the entrees. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's try and get Naz's baby taken off him yeah I think it does mean all of that

I think it means that he's a negligent parent who doesn't care one way or the other what happens to his child exactly exactly well that's on record now and if and taken you know compared to all the other stuff we've said on this show I think they should be taken very seriously and we obviously know what we're talking about

thanks Matthew Hardy thanks Hards thanks Hard Matty on this show. I think they should be taken very seriously and we obviously know what we're talking about. Thanks, Matthew Hardy. Thanks, Hards. Thanks, Hard Maddy. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Kelsey Reed. Oh, God, I was hoping you were going to say grammar. That would have been exciting. Oh, you know what?

I've just, you know what? To be honest, I've just checked. We've read Kelsey Reed before, but i spelled her name differently so um well let's do one for kelsey grammar then okay um thank you very much to patreon subscriber kelsey grammar wow is this the guy from frazier or is this just a coincidence uh i believe it's hang on i'll just check his email address um frazier rocks 69 at gmail.com yeah i think i think it is all right yeah it's not kelsey at frazier.com no i don't think you can get that k k dotgrammar at freesia.com. I don't think so. But thanks, Kelsey. Thanks, Kelsey.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber Jen Tuckwell. Tuckwell? Yeah. This is fascinating. Did you say Jen? Yep. J-E-N. Tuckwell.

I like it. I'm into this. I'm into all of it. What does that say to you? Tuckwell. Tuckwell. Well, I'm more interested in the Jen. That's an elusive one because that could be short for a few different things, right?

Could be Jenna. Could be Jennifer. I immediately think jennifer it's one of those shortenings that's not immediately clear what they're um what tuckwell jennifer tuckwell tuckwell i immediately think of the end of um ace ventura Oh, right. Yes, yes. Talked very well. Yes. Yep. One of the, yeah, one of the great ends to a comedy that is just really dated spectacularly. Yeah. Really, really dated well.

Really holds up under a pretty thorough microscope in 2020. I watched, I watched, I was in a, I don't know why I got linked to it, but I was doing a little bit of YouTube rabbit holing the other night. And I love, you're probably a bit young for this, Tommy, but you know, The Late Show, The Degeneration, The Working Dog, it would be pre-Working Dog, really. The Late Show was just an absolutely amazing show in my childhood, a young adulthood, I should say. Saturday night, live Australian comedy, gone a bit, you know, different. Not fucking Hey Dad, not the Bob Morrison show,

something with a bit of edge. It's like, oh, my God, this is great. I watched, like, not a best of, but, like, I started to watch, like, a full episode that was on YouTube the other night, which I had never seen before, like, just to watch like a full episode that was on youtube the other night which i had never seen before like just an unedited full episode and you know funny but some um some stuff you would not be pulling out these days some stuff where you go really you know what now i know why they never re-released you, the best of the late show or anything like that or full episodes. There is some...

Because there was a DVD of it, but it's never shown up on, like, streaming or anything like that. No, no, no. There's some very of-its-time comedy. Some very much some stuff where I'm like, wow, okay, all right, you could get away with that back then, could you? And, like, this was like, you know, that show was sort of like the, you know, that was the alternative to, like, oh, God,

can you imagine, you know, watching Hey Hey It's Saturday with all the dodgy shit they say on that show? It's like this is the, this is sort of like the PC alternative and it's still like, oh, okay. That's really interesting. What do you think the difference was? Like why do you think that registered so differently to Hey Hey when you can look at it now and, you know, it read very similarly?

Well, at the time. Yeah. Oh, it was like Hey Hey had been going for 30 years or whatever. It was just the same thing, and it was like your dad's sort of show, and, you know, there was a lot of like you know gay jokes or you know whatever it was kamal comes on and you know there's like racist stuff or whatever whereas you know this is a bunch of young young hip dudes and um you know fast and edgy and whatever but yeah there was still a few. Put it this way. It was a weekly show and it was great and it was still funny

but there were just bits in there where you go, you know what? Making a full hour of comedy every week live is hard. Tough stuff, yeah. There's a couple of jokes in there that, you know, they themselves of course would look back at and go, just like we would do on this very episode, should look back at and go, we shouldn't have said any of that stuff.

Oh, 100% dated within a week of being released. Yeah. I'm planning on saying stuff later this episode that's already dated. So yeah, comedy's hard. But yeah, it's worth dated so yeah it's uh it's comedy's hard but um yeah it's it's worth worth a watch fuck it was a very interesting little time capsule where it was yeah send me the send me the link yeah yeah i've seen the i've seen the like best of dvd but not for quite some time i haven't really watched any of it for quite a while so yeah i mean i was too young for it at the time but certainly

when i was in high school um that uh what's it called champagne comedy i think is the best of dvd that that definitely did the rounds when i was in like year 12 i was like yeah you gotta check this shit out yeah yeah yeah no yeah just just some very funny sort of almost mother-in-law jokes where you go okay but um yeah hey not, not to whatever. That's just how things work. Just like when people go back and – I mean, you know what? Seinfeld's been pretty good for it, hasn't it?

I know people have gone back and watched Friends and gone, oh, look at the way they treat gay people or fat people or whatever it is. But I think Seinfeld's – has it got a pretty clean bill of health in that way? There's one or two things in the run of it that are a little sus nowadays, but by and large, I think that, yeah, I mean, even the, not that there's anything wrong with that. Like, that's not really gay. That's handled pretty well. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying. Like, that's not, that doesn't, given that. Like that's, that's handled pretty well. Gay. Yeah, exactly.

That's what I'm saying. Like that's not that, that doesn't, given that they were on at the same time, the friend's approach to someone thinking you're gay is to go, Oh yuck. I'm going to kill myself because people think this, but like,

yeah, the site, like literally said, like even just saying like, no, not that there's anything like they are, they don't want it. You know,

they're freaking out about it, but they still have this very like, yeah. Tongue in cheek acknowledgement of like, Hey, but you know, it's fine. Like, no, not that there's anything, like they are, they don't want it. You know, they're freaking out about it, but they still have this very like, yeah, tongue in cheek acknowledgement of like, but you know, it's fine. Like, yeah, I think it, yeah, there's, there has been the odd bit that I've seen that seems a bit dodgy. There's one bit in particular that I think you messaged me about like two or three weeks ago that you caught in an episode. Oh, what was it again?

People think that Kramer is someone with Down syndrome. Oh, that's right. That's right. The one with Mel Tomei, the velvet frog, and he's got anesthetic on his lip and people think he's mentally retarded. Yeah, yeah. It's pretty. That's okay.

That one. There's that one. And that's pretty big, sure sure not to downplay that but like that's i reckon that's just about the only one that's like fully sus in the whole run of the show which for how long ago it is and for how long it was on is pretty is pretty impressive it's pretty remarkable yeah there's that little of it that's truly dated in that way yeah yeah yeah yeah that. Yeah, that was pretty remarkable. Pretty wild stuff. It's also just funny that that episode's still on,

that, like, no one in it, you know, that they'll still just replay it without, like, there's never been, like, you know, a point where the TV station has just gone, I'll probably best to just not chuck this on. It's a bit... You know why? They probably just go, someone complains and they go have you seen all of michael richards's

work do you think we should concentrate on on this one is this the worst he's ever done yeah that's great someone watching that laugh factory outburst and then going like oh look take me back to the good old days of kramer when he was doing stuff like this when he was doing stuff like this. Just holding up that scene. When he was doing mom face. Thanks, Tuckwell. Thanks, Tuckwell. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber.

You still there? Yeah, I had to start. Yeah, I just restarted your video because it had been frozen for me for quite some time. For a good 15 minutes. Yeah. Yes. Okay. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Gunnar Goodall.

Fuck me. Yeah. Gunnar Goodall. Fuck me. Yeah. Gunna Goodall. G-U-N-N-A-R space G-O-O-D-E-L-L. That is a hell of a name. Gunna.

Gunna Goodall. Look at all the things you've got to play with. Right. You've got double N, double O, double Ls. You've got three doubles. Then you've got a bit of alliteration. You've got double N, double O, double Ls. You've got three doubles. Then you've got a bit of alliteration. You've got the GGs. And then you've got Gun as a name.

Gun as an abbreviation for your name. Your first name's Gun. That's it. Yep. And then it's not even Gunner. It's Gunner. Gunner, yeah. Because I was going to say Gunner is, isn't that the name of one of the characters in Nashville?

Not sure. One of the side characters in the drama series Nashville that you and I were into quite some time ago. Yeah. I didn't, my wife ended up watching all of it, but I think I dipped out after one season. Yeah, I ducked out at the second, I think. A bit of fun if you're looking for something to binge out there in ISO. Fire up Nashville. Give that a go.

Got a bit weird, I think. Great music in there. Great songs in there, though. Yeah. One of them's Australian. You know that? One of the singers? Yeah.

Yeah, Rhys Nicholson knows her in some way. Went to school with her, I think, maybe. Oh, wow. Gunnar. And also, you've got the word good you've got good in your name as well good gun the good gun good gun yeah this is um this is one of the best names i've ever heard in my entire life if you rock up to to first day of year seven with that name and people just go right we got a lot to play with. I'd be like, cool, go for it.

Do whatever you want. Get the fucking microscope out. Pick it apart. Anything you want to do with it, fucking bring it on. I'll, you know what, whatever nickname you give me, you know what, I'll write it on my forehead. That's how confident. I've idiot-proofed my name.

You can't fuck it for me. Yep. Yep. I can't disagree. This is a really hard one to riff because we're just too i'm too in awe i'm too impressed yeah um also you kind of think that like with gunner like you think all i keep thinking of is some seven foot scandinavian sort of you know blonde haired hulk walking in as well with this name as well, which is just adding to the whole, you know, the image that this name projects. Yeah, getting absolutely… Your little gunner standing at attention.

My fjord is rock hard right now. Right, right. Your gun's about to go off. Yeah. About to shoot off a few blanks. It's about to go off yeah have to shoot off a few blanks it's about to go good yeah yeah it's um yeah fuck it's it's a lot easier to riff on a name when it's shit but if it's just like fucking johnny cool balls it's it's you know although know, there's a lot of, you know, in the last few years,

increased debate about gun violence in the States and gun control. Do you reckon this guy, in light of that, maybe feels like this has become slightly less cool of a name over time? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Or do you think he's just so cool that he's not concerned by it at all? Yeah. No, I don't don't i don't think i don't think i mean i look i hope he hasn't gone too front foot with it and just gone you know not not had the full responsibility of of being given such a prestigious name and just

turned into an absolute arsehole because he's he's been he's been endowed with this gift you know just him the image of him like watching the news and seeing a report of like yet another school shooting in the United States and his reaction is, oh, this is bad news for me. People picketing his house because they don't know what else to do. You should change your name. We can't get these bills passed in Congress, but we can get you to go down and change your name to, I don't know,

Sword Goodle or something instead. Just someone, him being a bit of a dickhead up the back of class. Could someone put a silencer on Gunner? Yes. Oh, yeah, there you go. That's what you'd get. Got him. That's what you'd get.

Yep, yep, yep. Love Gunner. Love Gun. Love gun love gunner yep doesn't quite work um yeah i don't know you ever been to a shooting range you got any interest in ever going to a shooting range oh that's a good question i haven't i um i've i haven't even gone close i i always for some reason i always think of like that haven't even gone close. I always, for some reason, I always think of like that. Haven't even gone close. So you've never even been in the vicinity of a shooting range. Well, it hasn't even come up in conversation.

It's not like someone's gone, what do you think about doing this? And me going, no. Just like it's never entered my orbit. But I had mates that went to Thailand before me that I was traveling to England and they went via Thailand and I went via Japan. And I just always remember they were like, you know,

obviously I go to Thailand a lot now, but they went 15 years ago. And it was, of course, much more underdeveloped than it is now. And I remember they were just, I don't know whether it was Thailand or Cambodia or both, but they were just going out in the fields and, you know, shooting guns and, you know, shooting rocket launchers and all that sort of stuff. And then in hindsight, they were like, yeah, we were just, you know, the business is basically based on they were just finding stuff from wars in paddocks and then cleaning it up and going,

oh, well, let's charge tourists to shoot this stuff that has been sitting in a paddock for 20 years and will at some stage blow up in the tourist's face. Yep, yep. Sounds cool. Sounds pretty cool. But yes, I'm glad I didn't do that. But yeah, no, yep. Sounds cool. Yeah. Sounds pretty cool. But, yes, I'm glad I didn't do that. But, yeah, no, never.

You know, one of those things, it's like gambling to me, Tommy. I feel like I'd have no chance of being any good at it, so I've got no interest in it. I've done it twice, both for Bucks parties, and that's probably the only way that I will ever do it again. Like, I enjoyed it, but it's not something I would ever go and like organise to do outside of that. It's very Bucks party activity.

And I would say you would be better at it than you would think that you would be because I thought I am going to not be able to hit a single target here. Like we were doing like clay pigeon stuff and it's yeah it's weird you just can hit them like i thought i've got bad hand-eye coordination and bad aim and i was doing pretty good i was hitting seven to eight out of ten oh wow on average but that that might be just you i mean i've got a strong feeling i wouldn't be that good at it. I think that might be just a little thing that you've got a special little hidden talent at. But I've got a strong feeling I wouldn't be much of a shot.

Both times I've done it with two separate groups, there was no one in our group that was just hitting zero of them. How far away were the clay pigeons? Were they in the same room as you or were they tied to the end of the gun barrel? How far away were they if you were all so fucking good at it? I don't know. I think it is just a thing where, like, it's not as hard as you would think it would be.

I think it's, like, you overestimate, like, oh, yeah, how the fuck do you do that? It goes off and then, like, you know, you're handling a gun which you've never done before. But, yeah, I don't know. i think it just is easier than the average person thinks it is well maybe i'm just a fucking maybe i'm just a sleeper sleeper agent i'm a trained killer and i have no idea and i'm just waiting for the absolutely waiting for the day when the code word gets added to me and then i fucking leap into action yeah maybe you're just trying to put it out there some subliminal threat to any um listeners out there that are getting a bit too full on hey cunts yeah i saw some people come past my house and figure out where i live

guess what i can shoot seven out of ten of you cunts if you come back well look maybe i am a sleeper agent maybe there's a code word out there that's meant to awaken me up and maybe the government officials that um that that put me through this training and hypnotised me in this way, maybe the way that they would activate me would be by sending in a Patreon name. Maybe, maybe. That's the kind of thing that I would think could happen, that maybe there'd be a name that would come up.

That would be the easiest way to activate me to get a word in front of me that i didn't know was coming out feed it into the unplanned time i guess and then uh i'm activated and then i you know i just get down to the business of just cold hard killing yeah i guess i mean that in that way uh i mean you're not handling any of that stuff either. It couldn't be traced because it would be through the machine that you don't handle yourself or anything like that. Exactly, yep. Yeah, I guess that would be clever.

Anyway, let's forget about that. Next up, thanks Gunna Goodall. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. Ah, number four this week. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Guy Shields. Have we not done Shields? No. We've talked about Shields a lot.

We've never read him out. No, we've never read him out. Yeah, Guy Shields. A lot of people won't know this. Guy Shields, Shields with an S on the end, of course. He is an illustrator. He's a former co-worker of mine. I used to work with him.

He's a long-time listener of the show. One of a big handful. I dare say he's been listening since Ep 1. Yes. One of a big handful of people that listen because they knew me, which I just find weird. And you'd have a few of them as well, Tommy, from the very early on. But he was referenced.

A great story about him was very early in the show, and I always feel bad that, you know, it's good to have all those stories early in the show, and I always feel bad that... It's good to have all those stories early in the show because that's what made people get on board with us and stuff like that, but I feel like there's a bunch of them that we should have the right to reheat. Oh, for sure. Yeah, and one of the very early stories that was Guy Shields was him going to an audition of Wheel of Fortune.

I'm hoping I'm telling this right, but an audition for Wheel of Fortune. And it was on the board was three letters and then six letters. And it was supposed to be a person, three letters and it was the and it was supposed to be a person three letters and six letters and it was blank e x and then blank u t h blank r and it was person or character And 99% of the world would have guessed Lex Luthor. He honestly guessed at the audition sex author. One of the greats. Absolutely amazing.

One of the all-time greats. One of the best stories. Yeah. I would just love to be the person working at Wheel of Fortune that gets that. He must be dining out on that one at dinner parties for years. He'd be like the surgeon where it's like, what are the greatest things you've found up someone's ass? It's like, at Wheel of Fortune, what are the absolute most fucked in the head answers you've ever copped? Thanks for the show.

Who are the dumbest cunts you've seen come through? Well, Guy Shields is one. the head answers you've ever copped thanks to the show who are the dumbest cunts you've said come through yeah well guy shields this one well what's great about it is that it's it's so easily retellable because it's not like you need to know the person it's just it's all there it's so immediate so i would like to know through him telling people through yeah the person that works on wheel of fortune telling people it's been on this podcast. So I'm sure people that listen to, you know, have heard that episode have then told, you know, people that they know about it. I'd love to know how far this story has gotten.

Yeah. You know, whether there's, it's kind of, it's almost like bordering on urban legend. You know what I mean? Also, I would love it at this point where, you know, sometimes we'll have a great story in the show and you'll get someone doing some some great photoshopping work off the back of it but yes you know guy shields is a professional illustrator i feel like i feel like putting out the shout out oh can someone draw a great picture of sex author it's

like i'd basically be asking sex author to do a picture of sex author so it's a little bit wasted he did make a poster back in the day for it he made like a um it was like an old uh like movie poster oh he did too hackman yeah he's already done that shield the uh repost that for us because i yeah i wouldn't know how to go and find it now but uh yeah put it out there because um I'd love to see that again. Sex. Just, yeah. Sex author.

You know that when you go bowling or whatever and you've got to have a name. I should be using sex author more often in things like that where you just have to put in a name somewhere. You go play Laser Force, you need a name. Sex author, thank you. Yeah, yeah. Get the high score on Pac-Man. Yeah.

Need to use sex author a bit more get that get that working get that name out there yeah maybe that can be a challenge for the listener like any any way that you've got to put in a name put in uh yes send us send us evidence of yourself using sex author as a uh as a name for some kind of order we'd love that you You know, yeah. If you can... Yeah, let's try and get a collection going. If you can get sex author written on your cup at Starbucks, that would be great.

Yes. Yep, yep. And if you do that, you know, obviously you're just going to text to yourself. Some kind of photographic evidence too. Yeah, but also if you can tape yourself, if you're going to get that written on your cup, if you can also get the phone out

and get someone from behind the till yelling out sex author that would help that would help a lot so this can be our version of did you see like a couple of weeks ago uh travis scott doing a collaboration with mcdonald's that was just like basically the meal that he used to order when he was a kid and uh in the ad, it's him going, go to McDonald's and tell them Cactus Jack sent you. Cactus Jack is like a pseudonym that he uses. And then within a day, there's just all this footage of people turning up to the drive-thru at McDonald's going,

Cactus Jack sent me. And the poor other person on the other end of the line, not having been briefed about this, going, what? So that can be our version of that. Turn up to Zambrbreros and when you put your order in say sex author sent me yeah can i have the sex author meal okay i guess i'm spoofing in a burrito and writing about it yeah yeah yeah no i'm signing in my name with cum inside a burrito yeah yeah here's a piece of paper that says i spoofed in your burrito now get the fuck out well thanks shields thanks

shields for this wonderful memory of sex author yeah thanks sex author um okay all right well uh we have got to go i've got to look after my child. I can hear she's on the verge of banging on the bedroom door and making me come out. So I better get out there. Let's just do one more this week. Yep, yep. Whatever that brings it up to.

Okay, all right. Let's just do one more and get out of here. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber The Eagle Has Landed comedy. Oh, I'm waking up. My cum gun's gone off and I'm ready to go.

Oh, what's happening? I've been activated. What's happening? I'm looking in the Zoom window and Daslo is putting bullets into his dick as we speak. What the fuck is happening? Yeah, I'm going on

a spoofing rampage. The author's going to have something to write about this week. Oh, my. What have I done? What have I done saying those words? Oh, my goodness. Good stuff. It's called a callback, folks.

It's called a fucking callback. Yeah. All right, everyone. Thanks very much for listening. Thanks to everyone who supports us on Patreon, littledumbdumbclub.com for links to the Patreon. We've got all the merch that

you can get at the moment. We've got links to our personalized video greeting service, Dumio. You can get a greeting from us for a friend or loved one or, you know, what have you. Whatever you want to do. An enemy. And we've got all the back episodes on there as well.

Check all that stuff out. Thanks very much for listening, and we will see you next time. See you, mate. See you, mate.