The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 523 - Josh Earl & Brett Blake

Episode Date: October 7, 2020

This is it, the finale of The Masked Pegger! We're joined by two of the most popular possible culprits JOSH EARL and BRETT BLAKE, to hear some last clues and finally reveal the mystery comedian, in a bumper episode full of twists and turns. PLUS in Talking Dum Dum we judge the winner of Capper's Cartoon Connection with special guest NICK CAPPER! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Josh Earle and Brett Blake. This is it, the finale episode of The Masked Pegger. And with this being the final episode of The Masked Pegger, a quick catch-up in case you haven't listened for a while. This is your first episode previously on The Little Dumb Dumb Club. What happened was, about six months ago, at the start of lockdown in Melbourne, Tommy Daslow decided his aim was to be pegged by his girlfriend that is um you know have a dildo um put onto a belt and be and have his little butthole made love to by his girlfriend so i persuaded a mysterious unknown comedian to model for the dildo get that made sent that to tommy and the last four episodes or so we've turned that into

the masked peg a serial where there's been clues every week to find out exactly who the Masked Pegger is. A comedian friend of ours. So it's the final set of clues coming up right now. You will know by the end of this episode who the Masked Pegger is. Very exciting stuff, guys. Stick around at the end of the show for Talking Dum Dum, where we are also going to be doing the finale of Kappa's Cartoon Connection. It's a huge episode. We'll talk to you more at the end of it.

But until then, enjoy this new episode with Josh Earle and Brett Blake. Hey, mate, welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo, and with me, as always, is the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads. Huge episode today. We have got the finale of the Masked Pega. We've got so much to talk about.

Joining us today, two very special guests. Sportsbet has booked these guys for us as the odds-on favourite to be revealing that they have debased themselves for the sake of content today. Please welcome back into the program our old friends, Josh Earl and Brett Blake. Yeah. Hello, boys. G'day.

Legends. Very exciting stuff. Now, like Tommy said, it is the finale of the Mars Pega. Now, there's a lot of mystery involved. No one knows what's going on at the moment. I mean, it's only the finale of the Mass Pega because Tommy told me it was. He said, this is it. Call it.

Let's go. We're doing it. Not in those words. Not in those words. You know, it was like when they announced a new pope. I went out onto my balcony. I got a little fire going and I got a towel. I had some smoke signals up over Hawthorne

and you happened to be up on your balcony. I was wondering why you were standing up to podcast. It all makes sense. I saw some smoke coming out of Tommy's house and I thought, well, this is just chafing going on. Obviously, it's been done. It was the dildo made out of wood who started the fire in his barn with all the

pressure. You know how the Pope has the white smoke going up? Tommy just got ropes, just ropes, just creamy ropes heading out of the chimney. I'm so excited because now finally I get to see the dildo. Tommy, you've got to show me. It's been killing me. Oh, yeah, it's fine.

Oh, it's still in there. Yuck. Oh, Tommy, no, no. Is this car the last one because it's been used? Is this why it's the finale? Well, that's what we're going to find out, I guess, Josh, because Tommy hasn't told me what's going on. I have made it pretty clear that I only want to do the finale,

and the mask picker himself only wants to do the finale if we know something's happened. Now, we talked about that last week. There needs to be some sort of action happening, and Tommy has said, you know what, hit the button, hit the big red button, we're ready to go for the finale. So I'm assuming we've got some news. We've got something to report on.

Fantastic. I can't wait to see how it felt. Tommy, you could have at least fucking washed it, champ. Jesus, it's quite girthy. Sorry, I used it to spread Nutella onto my toast this morning I was going to say, that is a telltale sign Last week it was pink and now it's completely brown Okay, alright, that makes sense It's not completely brown, there's a bit of red on it too

Have you been eating beetroot, Tommy? Well, we don't know if Tommy's used it on his We need to dust for arse prints Just to make sure that he's the one that's actually used it Arse holes like fingerprints Everyone's got their own Distinct arse hole Has it got a GoPro in the eye of the penis

And you get to see the full Yeah because people are like trees aren't they You look at how many rings are in the arse hole And that's how old someone is and you get to see the full... Yeah, because people are like trees, aren't they? You look at how many rings are in the arsehole and that's how old someone is. That's a real Ancestry.com dildo. Yeah, right. You can find out a lot from it. Going to the doctor, I've forgotten my age.

Can you just take a look up there? No, that's you trying to get into a nightclub at 17. Have you got any ID? Well, yes, I do. Zip. But, yeah, you two guys, Josh and Brett, very popular guesses across social media, across the people listening to this,

across one of the hosts of the show. Well, I didn't know there was anything up or what was even going because I've fallen out of the pod for a little bit because i was working and then i got a not a true fan yeah not a true fan sorry guys you got me um but then i got a message on my phone saying are you circumcised from a random person and i was like ah the boys are up to something. And so are you, Brett? I actually am. So this is... Right, interesting.

When I listened to the episode, I actually rang you straight away going, did I do this? Are your parents old? I mean, yeah. I mean, how old? Like, they're 60. They're older than Brett. Yeah. Are they older than 70?

No, no. Okay. like they're 60 they're older than brett yeah are they older than 70 no no okay i find it weird that people who are younger than me are circumcised because it was a real generational thing where they went no we're not going to do this anymore yeah you know what i'm i'm learning about that too josh because i i never thought about it i mean i am and i just sort of assumed that everyone is but now i'm you know this whole thing has brought up, oh, is this a fashion thing? Or is everyone not circumcised for a while? Is it like sideburns? Does it go in and out of fashion? Or what is it?

Technically, I'm not circumcised. I just wank seven times a day, so I've burnt it off. Right. Right, right, right, right. See, I'm not. And no one in my year, there was like two guys who were, but the rest of us were not because we had like the big open plan showers and after PE you had to have a shower no matter what you did.

I remember we did like a unit on like ballroom dancing or bush dancing. It's like, all right, boys, go and have a shower. I'm like, what do we have to shower for? No one's sweating. Sounds like you're a creepy teacher. You're just doing math. It's like, hit the shower, boys. Come on.

Yeah, yeah. No, no no you look all sweaty get in there boys no fucking science is hard get your lid off go see but see i'm 39 my brother's 42 he is and i'm not oh oh yeah okay you missed the cutoff literally i remember asking my mum i remember asking my mum about it so how come he is and i'm not and she goes oh well she got she got pressured to do it for my older brother. But for me, she was like, oh, it was more custom that you didn't do it then. Right.

Okay. Mine was the medical thing. Like, I think, like, why am I telling you this? Well, you hope they all are, Brett. They're not just accident. No, mine was, it was shits and giggles. It was a laugh. Everyone came around. Dad got out the whippersnapper. Put some firecrackits and giggles. It was a laugh. Everyone came around.

Dad got out the whippersnapper. Put some firecrackers up there. Dad got the whippersnapper out. Hilarious. You shoved it in a bush chook and it just took it off. Apparently it's a thing like one in four boys, the skin doesn't keep growing with the dick or something, so they just had to cut it off.

So it was it my hog my hog was getting too big for it were you a bit older then yeah i was like 13 oh yeah okay yeah what yeah i was yeah i remember i remember being like that my mom my mom got me a wheelchair and shit because i couldn't walk no no no yeah i remember because your hog was so big you couldn't walk. No, no, no. Really? Because your hog was so big, you couldn't walk. Yeah. That is so funny. That's so funny that you're being pushed along in a wheelchair and someone's like, oh, what happened?

Broken leg? Broken foot? No, someone chopped the end off my dick. Yeah. Are you still using disabled parking for that reason? Yes. Nice little spot out the front of 7-Eleven, just like had a bit chopped off my dick 20 years ago.

So, yeah, just need to be able to get in that easily. That's great if you're like, I actually identify as a cripple now, thanks to that. That is, I am technically disabled. I'm in the Special Olympics. Just rinsing people with one leg, going, yeah, boys, I wanted you, no, no, you'll see in the show later, you're like, is that Josh Hill's teacher trying to get us to go back in again?

I'm in the Special Olympics, I wanted to go in the three-legged race, but not anymore, I don't qualify anymore, unfortunately. Fuck, that's so funny. At 13? At 13? Yeah, I remember because it was like, it was just before, like, New Year's, and then the night of New Year's, we always had fireworks and, like, a lamp on us. So Christmas? Yeah, pardon? This happened on Christmas.

Yeah, around Christmas. Just before New Year's is Christmas. Oh, no, on New Year's Eve, they counted down the knife going down to chop off his dick. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1! No, it's Brett getting it counted down the knife going down to chop off his dick. Five, four, three, two, one. No, it's Brett getting it done on the 25th of December going, God, I would have taken coal in the stocking over this. Jesus fucking Christ. No, it's him getting it cut off and then him returning it on Boxing Day down at Meyer.

I thought at Christmas you were meant to get something, not lose something. Anyway. Boxing Day down at Meyer. I thought at Christmas you were meant to get something, not lose something. Anyway. So you're 13. How is this pitched to you as a 13-year-old?

Because, like, surely you would have just gone, get fucked, I'm not doing this. But also, you have to go to your parents and say, hey, there's something wrong. It's too big. Right. Or not big enough in your case. Yeah, a little doodle.

No, I just, it was just the skin bit wouldn't fucking pull back anymore and i like nearly got to the stage where it was completely closed over so i had like and i was like this isn't normal and then yeah i think it was like obviously a couple days after christmas because i just remember being in the wheelchair at new year, just like zooming down a hill. And then I'd hit like a speed bump and I remember my dick hurting. I was like, ah! Oh, my God. Yeah, we're ruled. What's the most weird party at? Just like in the street, rolling over speed bumps.

What party is this? Forestville and Pride, it's a different world. So, Brett, did you go to confront your mum or your dad at 13? Because 13's a weird age to be talking about your penis to your parents. I think I told my brother and he just laughed. And then I was like, that's not good. And then I think it was still at the mum stage. Always, you know, mum's more comfortable around mum.

But she's like, I don't know what the fuck to do. I don't have one of these. Oh, great, great. That's so funny that at some stage you were like, once it closed up, it's like, oh, man, I'm really packing a hog here. No, it's just full of piss. I can't get it out. Mum's just really impressed.

She's like, wow, you're not like your father at all. Mum, check out my big dick. Try and peel it back and just say a Kraft single there. It's just so nice. You had the most buoyant penis of all time before that. Just had a big old show. If anything, it does look like that dildo. Fuck, that is so fucking disturbing.

So you've been, have you both been hit up? There's a lot of inquisitive listeners out there that I hear are hitting up guests and just thinking, I know how to find out. I'll just ask them

and then they'll immediately confess. Scooby and the gang and the mystery machine have had a big fucking few weeks. Is it you? Oh, you asked

a special question. Yes, it is. You've cracked the code. Or the chode. No, but people hit me up publicly. Just like, I'd post something, absolutely nothing to do with it, and they'd go, are you the masked pegger? And I'm like, why would I just say it here?

It's just people driving past. You look like you pegged. You're like, no, it's not me, guys. It's getting more and more. I'm getting messages like no it's not me guys i'm getting messages like saying just tell me who is it is it this person or that person but then it's like but then i look at the message before that they've sent me it's like yeah you're a cunt your podcast is shit i'm like oh yeah no worries well as long as we're mates i'll give you the way to out me yeah you should have um you should have done it to just one of them, just at random.

Yeah. You just reply to someone with the right answer. It's like, you know that rumour about, like, that Bill Murray just goes around the streets going up to people in New York going, no one will ever believe you. It's just a bit of that. And then those people would get in the group going, he told me! He told me who it is! And everyone's like, yeah, right on, psycho, as if.

I should have done that. I should have done that with like about 10 different people. Yeah. 10 different names. Everyone thinks they've got the scoop. It's like when Carly Simon auctioned off who You're So Vain's actually about. You should have done that. You should have said, right, if you want to know beforehand,

it goes to the highest bidder. Yeah, that's right. Fuck. Well, you know, we can do that today after this episode has gone up. We'll have a good – the three of us will have a good 48 hours where we can just cash in. Oh, yeah, that's right. I can make a bit of money off this podcast.

Sorry, I'm just replying to the guy who asked if I was circumcised. How much cash have you got, Khan? Yeah. What I am liking about your listeners as well is just who they think it might be. Like some of the names, it's wild who they think it is. I love Glenn Robbins was today. Absolutely Glenn Robbins. I'm like, yes.

If you've ever met Glenn Robbins, he's the type of man who would do this for another person's podcast. I love that they're picking people that we can't even get their faces on the podcast, let alone their penises on the podcast. I don't know what you're talking about, guys. I reckon it's definitely Tim and Eric. I reckon there's some real smart cookies out there, and they've blown it wide open. On the other side of the thing, it's actually been brutal listening to this podcast the last week

because you really get to find out what your mates think of you. You're like, it's got to be someone who's a dumb fucking idiot with no self-fucking respect, and you're like, oh, yeah um it's got to be someone who's a dumb fucking idiot with no self fucking respect and you're like oh yeah it's definitely fucking brett you're like oh thanks a lot you fucking can't great great um now you've been um you know you're both you're both red hot favorites to be honest we thought we'd uh it would be some good guests to get on that a lot of people have chosen. It could be one of you guys that is outed in the next half an hour or so. Now, Josh, you were saying that you were a little bit worried about what other people were thinking of you. Well, I wasn't so much, but my wife was very worried because she was i was telling her

all about it saying i was saying it's really funny because i i listened to the podcast and i'm washing up and i'm laughing she's like what are you laughing about so i told her and she's like are they gonna get in trouble and i'm like no no and then when little said oh i think it's josh she's like are you gonna get in trouble are you gonna lose work because of this i'm like well there's no work going, okay? You might – You need to get fans from your own podcast. This could be a new thing that I could do. This could be some great merch for me.

I can sell it at the end of shows. Like if people want to date like Tommies, just here you go. But then – Yeah. Because I've also, during this lockdown, set up a kid's Instagram page with all of my kid's stuff. She's like, are you going to get – like they're going to find out it's you and then you're going to get all this stuff taken off you.

You're going to be, like, on some register. I'm like, it's going to be fine, okay? It's going to be fine. Just animate the dildo. Kids love that shit. You know what I mean? It's not as entertaining. It's like jumping into a little brown hole.

It'll be exciting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Put a pair of eyes on it, and it's fine. The kids don't know what it is. Well, you're getting hit up on that account too, Josh? Six-year-olds sliding into the DMs of that account going,

is it you, Mr. Josh? Are you Dumbass Pegger? Goo-goo-ga-ga, is this your dick? Are you circumcised, Mr. Earl? Olive Ruppertree, daddy in a butt. Great, great. Well, speaking of losing work, Brett Blake, you were telling me something the other day.

What's your latest news in lockdown? How are you going? Well, I've been loving it because I went back and started work in construction, which is great, so I didn't really get to have any of the lockdown blues or go through what most people was because I was working 10-hour days. But now, I mean, the work's dried up, so I'm just back to being unemployed,

hence drinking beers at 11am. I'm so fucking bored. You've cracked two in the time we've been recording. We've been on the air for 16 minutes and you've drunk two of those, I've noticed. Yeah. And also, we've only just gone into daylight saving, so it's technically still 10. Oh, now, don't start that.

Body clock-wise, you're right. It's still for another day or so. Don't start that, Josh. It's 9am, biggest. Come on, boys. You've met me before. You know? Josh.

What's happening, Carl? Josh, that's hit a nerve because my wife, she does not let go of the old time for three to four weeks every year. It'll be like, what time is it? It's like, oh, it's 11.30. Yeah, but that's old 12.30 or whatever. Stop living in the past. It's daylight savings.

You get over it in one day. It's like, no, no. It's like savings. You get over it in one day. It's like, no, no. It's like she's on her phone, on her iPhone. She's still got what time it is in Bangkok, London and Melbourne, but two weeks ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, luckily your phone, I mean, your car battery is always so flat, so your clock in your car is always wrong anyway.

Yes, exactly. This is a fun six months for me where the clock in your car is always wrong anyway. Yes, exactly. This is a fun six months for me where the clock in my car is only off by 13 minutes, not one hour and 13 minutes. It's inexplicably – the minutes are wrong as well for some reason, not just the hour. I just wait until it goes back. Like no one's fucking changing the clock in their car. Like who gives a fuck?

You know, you go, I'll just get over it. Yeah, no, totally but um so you're you're um the clock in your car brett that's interesting do you need the clock in your car much at the moment or i don't know what you're talking about carl and i feel like you're trying to dig up more goss on me and i don't respect you at all so go fuck yourself i so i've there's no news there's no news to tell us well it doesn't matter what's going on inside and I don't respect you at all, so go fuck yourself. There's no news? There's no news to tell us? Well, it doesn't matter what's going on inside, outside of the car, because technically I'm not allowed to drive it.

Ah, right. Very interesting. Very interesting. So this is a man that's lectured me a lot on my driving capabilities, on my care of a car. Because you fucking let the battery die every two minutes, you fucking child. minutes get a triple charger how many times do i have to tell you so okay well i take all that advice i respect you as a as a car owner as a car driver you obviously know just stop there i respect you that's all i needed to hear thanks dad i can finally go see you guys see you enjoy fine

so bready were you on the double or nothing like car was oh i didn't even get a chance to because what what happened was like i started got i mean i'm always late so the clock the clock in my car has always been off so i'm i was a little bit late running to work pretty much every day for six months and what i didn't realize so i got a parking for sorry a speeding ticket. And I was like, yeah, cool, I've got one. And then the mail came, like the next day, I got another ticket again. I was like, yeah, I get it.

I've got one due. Like, I don't know why they keep sending me reminders because I thought I'd changed address. I thought that was why. And I got like 10 in a row. I was like, yeah, guys, I fucking get it. I've got a speeding fine. I know I owe you money. And then I logged in to pay it, and it just turns out I had 13 of them.

So I was just driving past the same fixed camera every day at 6.50 a.m. and clocking the same speed pretty much and going, yeah, I get it, guys. I owe you $300. But it turns out I think I owe $2,300, and I'm like 15 points deep. So I can't even, I'm passed up or nothing. But I technically still can drive because, guys, I actually figured it out. I wasn't speeding.

Great. That's a great thing to figure out. i didn't didn't realize at the time there was just hang on hang on do you think the odometer goes on daylight savings as well yeah that's not actually that's not a thing no no guys what see i did i thought at first you know i thought i was speeding i thought I was in the wrong. But then I remembered that recently my car has been involved in an accident. And where the impact was happens to be where the speedometer was located, hence throwing off my car by 15 kilometers. I've got a feeling that you think that we're the jury. No, no, no.

Carl, I'm just merely saying to you on a media platform That I was not speeding And yeah I think this feels like a warm up To you saying it to another Eight people that are all pretty well dressed In a room in the city I don't think the judicial system is like Wikipedia

Where if you can just prove it's been out once It's true I just know one day I'll rock up to court and the judge will go, I'm aware. And I'll be like, fuck, fuck, dammit. And normally I'm on the podcast going, guess what? The judge and the police are all fucking dickheads. I'm a genius.

And they're like, yeah, not today. But all I want to say publicly is I respect the judicial process and the police themselves, but unfortunately my car was damaged. So what do you do? What do you do? So you'll be representing yourself at some stage, I assume? Yeah, but the problem is because there's so many fines, and I don't know if you – you probably don't know the court system

and how to navigate a car. You actually can't go in for all the fines in one sitting. So I've got to go to court 12 times. No. No. Really? Because they won't group them. You can't because they're two different incidences.

It's like stabbing someone and then getting in a fist fight the next day. They're two different things. Oh, right. I assume, yeah, you would know this. So, yeah, fair enough. I'll bow to your knowledge. You can talk to the person beforehand, the representation from Vic Fines or a cop or something,

about all of them, but when you go into court, it's each of them are individual. So it's going to be a big day for Brady. If I can just win six, I'll be happy, you know? Oh, yes yes That's great That's great That you could Possibly get off

Some of them But not get off the others Yeah That would be very funny If you just kept Walking in and out of the court Like learning from What's just happened

And going alright I'll tweak this argument Or I'll come in with a different I'll come in with a fake Moustache or glasses For the next one Right Yeah

The first five are a dry run. Yeah, it's going to be like a festival run. The first one is going to be great, and then you're going to have the first Wednesday. You're going to go, oh, this is shit. This is so bad. Halfway through the court hearing, I've got the festival flu. I'm doing cocaine in the Dunnies.

Session eight, you finally realise, oh, this should be the end, not at the start. You get a Saturday night crowd. They're really hot. Those last few, you finally realise, oh, this should be the end, not at the start. Oh, yeah. You get a Saturday night crowd. They're really hot. Yeah. Those last few, you're in the rhythm. You know it back to front. And you can just really enjoy it.

You can just really enjoy the defence, you know, and just kind of like live in the moment. You add living a bit more because you know the material so well. Had this bad night one night and this guy just wouldn't have any of it. He was like yelling at me and stuff. No, Brett, that's the judge. I had the worst one. My parents were in the front row.

It was, oh, it looked so disappointed. You look over and Chortle's in the jury. Yeah, yeah. Jura number seven had his arms folded the whole fucking time. Steve Bennett from Chortle's going, yeah, too many jokes, not enough pool noodles hitting him in the head, you know?

Yeah, got a really bad review. No, that's being banned from driving for five years. That's not a review. Yeah, look, I'm excited. I'm excited. I've got 12 times to get right, but I can't. There's some stuff going on in the background here that if I can get away with two or three of them beforehand it's just

going to help i can't because i'm giving away what i'm doing so i can't tell too much but i'm feeling confident and also my girlfriend's just like here's an idea how about you just do the right thing for once um and and i and as i said to her and what I will say to the judges, I was doing the right thing. My car was faulty. Yeah, yeah. Hey, lock your car up. You know, don't persecute an innocent man. Yeah, exactly. Ban your car from driving.

Don't ban you. It wasn't my fault. No, I'm just merely an innocent bystander in this whole legal process. I've seen this shit on Netflix before. People, you know, they assume because I'm a dumb idiot they're going to take advantage of me. Next thing you know they're planting evidence in my shoe. There's a fucking Netflix special about me.

You know, these fucking... The cops are at me, bro. So, Carl, you took the double or nothing. Is that working out for you okay? Yeah, it's kind of a fucking start, so I don't see a problem. For the listener, he just looked to see who else is in the house before he answered it? No, no, no, no.

I wouldn't do that. The one we can't say her name doesn't know about this, does she? No, no, no. Well, look, she's definitely given information she needs to know. Put it that way. She doesn't need to know everything about my wife, I feel like. We've got married, you need to give her a vow. Right now, you know, and that's disrespectful, bro.

Is there a vow in there that says that I need to tell everything to my wife that I know will deliberately upset her? I'm pretty sure that's somewhere in there. The good times and the bad? Actually, not your... Federal words. Actually, it wouldn't have been in your vows, Carl, because you're too busy roasting other comedians in the room

as opposed to addressing your beautiful wife, you dumb fucking idiot. Most people are like, I love you. You're like, yeah, Dave O'Neill's doing a corporate. What a fuckhead. Brett Blake, you were not at the wedding. You do not know any of that stuff. Oh, trust me. I heard many a times. That's hearsay. It's not hearsay. I have the recording. hearsay. It's not hearsay. I have the recording.

No, no, that wasn't in the vows. The vows were completely, there was no mention of Nick Capper or Dave Thornton or anyone in the actual vows. So it was comedy proof for vows. It was weird that there was a bit that was written into her vows where you got her

to take some demerit points from you by claiming that she had been using your car down the Monash freeway one week previous. I did think that was very, I loved it. Very unconventional wedding. I liked that that was in there. That is, I'll pull you up there, Tommy. That's not true because that was done prior to the wedding. That was done a couple of times prior.

It's weird that in that photo of that speeding thing, she was wearing a Liverpool hat as well. And stuffing her face full of McDonald's and screaming at someone on the side of the road blowing them a cunt. Very weird. And also, I was in the passenger seat dressed as my wife. That was weird as well. Hey man, we don't judge a 2020 bro, live your life. It's so insane that that's a rule that you can do that. Like you've broken the law and that there's one element of society where you're allowed to go, wasn't me.

It was this person that did it, wasn't it? No, it wasn't me stabbing that guy in 7-Eleven. It was my wife. She's prepared to say that it was her because I don't want to go back to jail. You don't get to do that anywhere else. Like Michael Richards couldn't say that. That was a mess yelling the N-word on stage at the Laugh Factory.

That was my wife. That was Mrs Richards. I thought when OJ tried it, it was going too far. Yeah. Oh, yeah, but the Ford Bronco was driving pretty badly. That's classic women driving. That wasn't him. That was someone else.

Oh, boy. So, all right. So we're half an hour into the episode. We've got some business to attend to. Now, what are we doing, Tommy? Have you got something to say or am I going to do some clues, some final clues? Yeah, I thought you were going to do some final clues first

and then we'll dissect that. So I've got some clues, some final clues. Yeah, I thought you were going to do some final clues first, and then we'll dissect that. So I've got some ideas, guys. I've got a lot of ideas going on in my head, and I'm pretty excited. Also, the listeners don't know this. We're doing this over Zoom, and there is a blank screen here as well. There's a fifth one. Okay.

So what you're saying is, Josh, that there's four heads on the screen, and then there's a fifth screen that just says masked pegger. That's all I'm saying, masked pega that's all i'm saying yes participant someone who's muted and has their video off yes yes when we got in it that is completely correct um okay and so have you have you been have you been sort of uh a little bit influenced in your behavior so far knowing that potentially there's someone listening in well yeah it'd just be nice to see Hamish or Andy again. It's going to be great. God, I hope it's not OJ or Michael Richards or whoever. Imagine if OJ is the masked pegger.

That's the one thing he's confessed to. Hey, if the peg fits, acquit, yes! OJ just pulls out his hog right now and goes, it fits, acquit. I don't know, it wouldn't be him. He's not really up for giving up memorabilia of his, so I can't see him being into it. Oh, no. You just stabbed your butt all 17 times.

He's less of a chance of appearing in that blank window. He's more of a chance of appearing behind Tommy in his window and just absolutely caning him. With his sawn-off shotgun holding me hostage, going, fucking give it back. No one leaves. All right, so guys, are you ready for the... Now, I assume you've both...

All three of you have got some ideas about who you think it is coming into this. Now, let's see if those ideas are changed by the final set of clues. They're about to hit the airwaves right now. Are you guys ready? I'm ready. This is it, Tommy. Your last chance to put a name to a face.

Well, put a name to a head at least. As a comedian, I've represented myself as a bit of a court jester. Definitely in court anyway. But I'm more than just a guy who very occasionally gets laughs on stage. I mean, sure, I've performed in the land of smiles, but I've also moved furniture, I've been kicked out of a world-famous organisation for acting violently, and being unable to travel at the moment.

I miss my relatives back in Perth, oh, and I once took a bath with a model. Not like you, Tommy Who's been intimate with a model? Of my dick I'm talking a real female model Do you know who I am yet? Tommy?

Find the answer by looking deep inside yourself Tommy Well, not that deep But dick Ooh Okay What do we think about that, guys? I still think it's me

Yeah But this is someone who I haven't thought yet Whoa. Okay. What do we think about that, guys? I still think it's me. Yeah. But this is someone who I haven't thought yet. But looking at the model and then that clue, I'm thinking it could be Ben Russell. Ooh. Because looking at Ben... Just because it's short, is that what you're saying? Yeah, it's short and stout.

It's got glasses and a moustache on. Ben rocking that. Just weird characters. And you think it's doing an impersonation of a penis and that its impersonation of a penis is better than the actual penis to start with? Is that what you're saying? Didn't say that. Now, Ben is very funny.

Now, but I think, like, so the clues fit. He's lived in other states. I'm not sure... It seems every single person in Perth went to school with Tame Impala. So maybe there's some way he's attached to a pop hit, and that's the very loose-like thing of it. Yep.

Royalty, I'm sure there's some shitty space jam, space impro game where he's the king of impro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we still need to go back To the basics And avoid some of the clues Because they're obviously designed To throw you off

It's once again Who would stick their dick In a fucking mould And then And then And the answer Is Wolfie It has to be Wolfie

Okay Okay Okay so you just want to ignore All the clues No because he has He's got an international company. The only clue that threw me off the model, which made me thought for like a moment, Scott Dooley.

Yeah. So that kind of jumped in a bit there. So hang on. So just going off that, Brett, the clue is I once took a bath with a model. He's married to a model. So it's like he's just going, I've had one bath with my wife ever.

That was his clue. Yeah, that's his claim to fame. Good on him. Congratulations. He might only have a shower. I've only had a bath with my wife. His wife is filthy, an absolute freak, just coated in dirt. Mate, if you think she's filthy, he's the one who got a model of his dick

and sent it to be slated from his ass. That's filthy. I think it's Wolfie. I'm going to go with Wolfie. Okay. Let me throw this into the mix. You said Court Jester, so someone who's acting up, being a bit silly, a bit like Russell Coit.

It's Glenn Robbins. It's definitely Glenn Robbins. All the signs point to it. Hey, and that's the giveaway. Coit, it's going Robbins. It's definitely Glenn Robbins. All the signs point to it. Hey, and that's the giveaway. Coit, it's going into your Coit. Guys, it's either LeBron James or Oprah Winfrey. Trust me. Now you've got the Dave Hughes on the Masked Singer vibe about you.

You just have to go. Yeah, I think it's Joan of Arc. Yeah, I think it's Petroleum Jelly just in general. It's got to be Conscious Pilot for sure. Guys, it's Luke Skywalker. He's got a lightsaber, dab the heart. You know, it all makes sense. I've never seen the film.

Connection to royalty, pop hit. It's Elton John. It's Elton John. Honestly, this is the next show within the show. Forget the Masked Pegger. Connection to royalty Pop hit It's Elton John It's Elton John Yeah Honestly This is the next This is the next show Within the show Forget the Masked Peg

Our new segment Just guess random names Every week And so every week We just sit here We say some random names And then people on social media Can just message us

And say Oh my god Dave Grohl At some stage If Oprah Winfrey Ever checks her DMs, there'll be someone from the Little Dum Dum Club with a message saying, are you circumcised?

She's like, oh, the boys, what are they up to again? It's Stedman, isn't it? Let me know. It's definitely Stedman. Okay, so you're going to ignore all those new clues, Brett. Well, I don't know if I am ignoring them because Wolfie has been kicked out of the corporation. I know he's been to court because his wife left him.

We all know that. That's why he's lost his mind. I don't think we all knew that. We just all assumed that. Oh, okay. Yeah. Also, by the way, I don't know if you're getting this brought up this week.

Has anyone also brought up how fucking stupid you are to invest with Wolfie? That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Wolfie as a broker and hasn't the shares plummeted as well? Something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Something exactly like that. They dropped by 40%, you fucking idiot.

And he, yeah, I was just being hit up by listeners. So, you know, we were talking about this on the show weeks ago. I invested quite a bit of money with him. He said, this thing's a sure thing. This is going to make us a lot of money that I'm going to have the money to buy a bar in Thailand with. And then all of a sudden I was just getting inundated with listeners hitting me up, not only guessing who the masked pegger is, but people going, have you checked the share prices on your little company here?

And just the last person to respond to anything was Andrew Wolfe himself. He was extremely quiet on that day. What part of Wolfe he goes, what part you go, hang on a sec, his wife left him, he lives with his parents, he's lost his mind. Oh, he's in money. Yep, yep, yep, I money. Yep, yep, yep. I agree.

Hey, look, hindsight's a beautiful thing, isn't it? But who could have picked at the time? I reckon Wolfie might be a psy-op. He might be planted by your wife to make sure that you don't get this money back and that you can't invest in a bar in Thailand and abandon the family she got to him first. She's a plant. She's a CIA plant. Yeah, yeah. That's a very good. Yeah, that's a very good idea.

That's actually a very good idea. And I hope that actually is true because that would mean I haven't lost thousands of dollars. But with the company, it's all about like it was like medical testing. Now that Trump's got it though, got COVID, it might go back up. Yeah, but I think the key thing is shares are very valuable in a medical company if that medical company can actually fucking do anything. I think that's like the little sort of like fly in the ointment at the moment, that they're

not just pumping out medicine that's like, this tastes like someone just pissed into a test tube, actually. I don't think this is the cure to COVID. I think they attempted to make something and it didn't fucking work whatsoever or didn't get approved. So it's like a roll of the dice. And yeah, of course that happened. All I've got to say is, Wolfie.

Yeah. Yeah, Carl, you seem pretty knowledgeable on how fucked this company is now. This sort of insight probably would have helped you out a bit two months ago if you'd done this research back then. Like I said, if I could invest in shares in hindsight, I would absolutely get stuck into that.

So to go back, Brett, your guess of it being Wolfie, now that wasn't one of the clues that this person wants to go back to Perth. They want to be able to go back to Perth. Was that one of them? Officially it says, I miss my relatives back in Perth. Well, it makes sense because Cal's got a couple of friends, so he's probably in fucking Thailand or Hawaii.

Oh, Whitman, Whitman, fucking idiot. He watched The Wolf of Wall Street. You know, he's all good. The other thing, Dave Callan has family in Perth. He's been on social media talking about how he misses going back to Perth. He's been on social media talking about how he misses going back to Perth. He worked in like Triple J, so

his brother is in a band who may have had a pop hit. I think they're called the Panda Band. He looks like he would have a big fat dick. Yeah, he does look like it. I feel like that would have to be a real hairy dick, you know, like a Yeti dick.

You know? What I've loved on a lot of the guesses that have come through on the Facebook pages is someone will go, I've worked it out, guys. It has to be this person based on this one clue. Yes. That's one clue out of two dozen that lines up. It's like, ah, Hamish Blake played football once. And then just conveniently ignoring

every other single bit. It's like, this clue, this next clue specifically absolutely rules out that person. It just cannot be that person. No, no, no. I also love that the one clue they pick will be a very obvious one. It's like,

I'm disregarding all these slight vague clues, but it's like an Aussieing all these slight, you know, vague clues, but it's like an Aussie pop hit. Well, it has to be Slim Dusty, I guess. More like Thick Dusty. Have you seen that show? Yeah. But then there was a clue about something about removalists.

What was that one? Yes. Now, that clue was, well, look, there's a hot little section in the clues As a comedian I've represented myself As a bit of a court jester Definitely in court anyway That's you Brett I've also moved furniture

That's you Brett I know And I've performed in the land of smiles What is the land of smiles? Now look, I'm no expert. Well, you are. But the Land of... No, no, no.

Hey, I'm just the host. I'm just the host. Oh, yeah, you're merely a moron. The Pega is talking to you. You're a puppet. I'm just hired by Mars Pega Incorporated to host the Australasian franchise of this show. I don't know anything further than the sheets I'm being given.

But The Land of Smiles, I think if you Googled that, as I've just done right now, I think you would find that that's actually a nickname given to Thailand. Well, now, so I've performed in The Land of Smiles. Is that the clue? Yep. Then that's a good, because Dave Callan did go to Thailand. He was there.

Okay. So relatives in Perth performed at Land of Smiles. Has he, look, I've represented myself as a bit of a court jester, definitely in court anyway. Okay. All right. I get it. I get it.

This could possibly be Dave Callan or this could possibly be, this all sort of seems like it could be you, Brett Blake, and you're deflecting onto Dave Callen. Interesting. It could very well be me, guys. Who knows? I mean, I can't wait till the window of the mask peg is revealed. And it's just literally you're downstairs. I just Googled the Carpet Court Jester

because for anyone outside of Australia, there's a carpet store called Carpet Court and they've, over the years in their ads, have had a character called the Carpet Court Jester. And I was like, maybe that's someone that we know, maybe a comedian has portrayed him in an ad. And I Googled him and it turns out literally a friend of mine has played him in an ad, but not someone that's been on the show.

So if that is just like this red herring that you're just like, hey, randomly I just got your friend Jamie to fuck you in the ass. That's so funny because on Don't You Know Who I Am, Rod Quantock's going to fuck me. So he's Captain Snow. Oh, right, right, right. Typical man, always falls asleep straight after. Or is he more of a Bill Cosby rehypnol fan and he's going to build before?

Okay, okay. That's changed your thoughts, Josh. It's changed your thoughts, Brett Blake. Okay. That's changed your thoughts, Josh. It's changed your thoughts about Blake. Yeah, I still think Dave Callan sits well now because he did perform at your podcast festival. Callan, yeah, I love some of them. I mean, Dave would be in, you know, performed in, you know, I wouldn't say I'm just a comedian was one of the earlier ones.

Like, he was also a performer or something. Well, Dave's a dancer. Dave's a dancer. Dave's a dancer. He also does Ninja and all this other stuff. So, fuck, I reckon that's a good, yeah. I can't remember. I mean, look, it says I've performed in the Land of Smiles, but of course that might not mean.

You can perform in other things, not just not just the Coastal Millie International Podcast Festival so you don't know it's a pretty

or is the Land of Smiles a different place altogether is it just a very happy place if I go back to McDonald's do any of these

clues work out to be Nick Carr because this has got his name written all over it you know what I mean he would be the most desperate

out of everyone. That would be an alibi for sure. He's already sent you an extra four moulds for next season. Can I get on? Is it too late? Can I get on? To go back to that other theory, I don't know if you guys have noticed this,

but this fifth Zoom window that's here that is muted and has the video turned off is labelled the masked McPegger. So maybe that could be a bit of a giveaway, pointing even more towards Dave Callan. So interesting, interesting. Oh, interesting. All right, all right. So that's good.

Now, Tommy, is the floor yours now, Tommy? Well, yes. So as I've mentioned over the weeks, pegging was something that had really gone off the table with my girlfriend and I. A couple of months ago, we'd gone very cold on the idea. But you were very adamant, Carl, that you would not be revealing who the masked pegger was unless you heard a story about this peg being used so like i don't want to let the listeners down i don't want to let you down i know that there's only there's only one way for this to be revealed and that is that is with a story about this peg being used so um here's something I've prepared earlier.

I think this will fulfil the criteria, so here we go. Let me start by saying that I used to hear the stories on the little dum-dum club, and I never thought that they were true until the other day. On Friday afternoon, the 2nd of October, at 2pm Australian Eastern Standard Time, the news broke that US President Donald Trump had tested positive for COVID-19. As we read the news, my girlfriend and I glanced at each other with the same devilish grin. This calls for a celebration, we said. I went into my boudoir and opened the

box containing the instrument. As I inspected it for one final time, I noticed something that I'd never seen before. At the base of the shaft was the word Brett. Could this be a clue, I thought to myself? Hang on a minute. Brett. Brett. Brett Lee was on The Masked Singer doing a Hoodoo Guru song. Could this dick belong to Dave Faulkner?

As my girlfriend, hereafter referred to as The Ten, donned the harness, I got down on all fours. The Ten lubed up the peg, and as she glanced down at my anus, she whispered, Is there an outbreak in the masturbatorium? Because I'm currently looking at a real super spreader. That night, my bunghole was more chock-a-block than the St Kilda foreshore. As the silicon chode worked its way in and out of my perfectly toned buttocks, my mind raced with all of the clues that I'd heard over the last few weeks. King of the air, the royals, Australian pop hit. Maybe it was the fact that I'd gone into some kind of fugue state out of sheer pleasure.

But all of a sudden it was obvious to me who the masked pegger was. It has to be either Sean McAuliffe, Bill Burr or Grant Denya. For the next eight and a half hours I rode waves of pleasure, enjoying an ecstasy the likes of which I'd never experienced.

This pegging taught me a lot about broadening your horizons, about the value in not just doing the same thing over and over again. Basically, if my regular sex life was the equivalent of repeatedly visiting Thailand, then getting pegged was like going to Bali for the first time. Finally, our session reached its conclusion, my rock-hard abs glistening with sweat. The pegs slid out and I felt a sensation of pure relief, not a dissimilar feeling to if I was jogging through Hawthorne in the middle of the night Oh, no!

For the listener, the masked pegger window has left. Oh. Wasn't a fan of the story? Yeah. Oh. This could be a review of the story, but keep going. Keep going. Let's find out what happens.

Okay. With the deed done, I collapsed in a heap onto the workbench. How lucky am I, I thought to myself, to have a friend like Cal Chandler, who even after hearing me say multiple signs that I'd decided being pegged isn't really something I wanted to do, engineered a situation where I was pestered both publicly and privately by colleagues and strangers alike to engage in a sexual act against my will.

Having now debased myself for the amusement of a few thousand brain-dead dorks, and now surely subjecting myself to being tagged in even more shit memes that happen to feature the word peg or dildo in some way, I can only hope that my friend Carl got as much enjoyment out of my recent gift to him, a beautiful hand-illustrated piece of artwork showcasing some food from his favourite country, Thailand. My aim was that the piece would bring a bit of much-needed joy and colour into his days and so I really hope that the piece of artwork is hanging on his wall and not still in the

envelope that it came in or in the bin. As the perfect ten collapsed on the bed next to me i turned to her and said well that was quite an adventure wasn't it my mind wandered and i thought about how one year ago i was flying across the country to jerk off a bull having just made a bet with my friends that i couldn't cop a route in hawaii when it comes to sex i'll certainly be watching what i say on the podcast from now on i thought to myself we fell asleep and woke in the morning to see the news that the number of coronavirus cases for that day had gone up again slightly.

The future seemed uncertain. I turned to my girlfriend and said, you know what, if lockdown gets extended again, I think I want to try piss play. The perfect 10 glanced back at me and said, here we go again. Well done, Tommy. I loved it.

Wow. That's quite a true story. So I wasn't paying attention. Did it go in your ass or what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was an audio too long didn't listen for Brett Blake. But wow. That's great that that definitely did happen.

That was an excerpt from the audio book of my upcoming children's book that I have been writing during the coronavirus. So you can look for that on the shelves in a few months' time. That's big news. That's massive news that you've actually used it. That's great. That's great news. Now, like we said, halfway through that story,

we did get a – the masked pegger window did disappear. So I'm just – look, it's like a – Can I ask a quick question? Tommy, yes or no, did you enjoy it? You heard him, yes. Yeah? You loved it. Yeah, you heard the story.

Can I? I enjoyed it. I loved it. Okay. October 2, also my wedding anniversary. So I'm glad something else. That's how I'll remember it from next year. I'll go, oh, that's right. It's one year since Tommy got it up his date.

I was at that wedding and imagine if I had turned to you and gone, hey, Josh, in 11 years' time, guess what we'll be doing? Great. Great, great news. And, look, to answer the... There's a bit of detail in that story about the present that you got me. I've used it in absolutely the same way, Tommy, that picture of Thai food. I did stick it up my butt. Rolled it up and went up the arse. Yeah, great.

That was my intent. Yeah, I hope it didn't give you any paper cuts up there. No, no. I get the sense that it's a bit of a crime scene up there anyway, so I don't think it'd make too much difference. I dog-eared the corners, so I was actually fine. Right. So you know that you've already done it with that one?

Yeah. Just so I know what I'm up to next time. Next time. Okay, great. Well, now that we, look, like I said, the Masked Pega window has disappeared halfway through that. I don't know whether that was a review of how he thought things were going, whether he got a bit scared or got a bit angry or whatever. So I'm in negotiations right now online with the Masked Pega

about getting him back into the window for a review. That old Chinese saying, when one arsehole opens, a Zoom window closes. So what I'm saying now is, look, I'm trying to tell the Masked Pigger now that I'm happy with the story. I think that definitely means that Tommy has used it. I think we can all agree the dildo has been Tommy's arse. It's like the Star Wars novels.

It's up to you whether you want to decide that it's canon or not. Some people may say that they've been stricken from the record and that this doesn't affect the greater outcome. But, you know, there's purists out there. I'm a completist. I think that this happened. It's up to you. It's a matter of personal interpretation, like all great art.

I choose to believe the Star Wars Holiday Special actually happened in the same universe. Right, right, right. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so definitely. I'm saying to the Master Speaker, it definitely happened. Come back. Please come back into the window. We want to see the reveal of whose member has absolutely ploughed

Tommy Daslow's dot on October 2nd, 2020, and absolutely turned 2020 around for Tommy Daslow on a personal level. And here's the window, and it's, hello. Hello, Tommy. Hello. Wait, wait, here it is. Hello, possums Wait what does

Open voice sound like You try and do it Go Cruise Have you got a dump button On this thing There's a dick under your chair There's a dick under your chair

There's a dick under your chair You got a peg You got a peg We all got pegs Alright so guys Final guesses I've I've I've persuaded The window opens You've got to peg. We've all got pegs. All right, so guys, final guesses. I've persuaded them. The window opens.

You're so fucking stupid, Tommy Dassolo. You're so fucking stupid. What's your final guesses? I'm about to hit accept. I'm still with Dave Callum. I'm just going to go Wolfie for a point of difference, but I think Dave Callum does make sense. Okay, Tommy Dassolo.

You should know of all people. I think it's Brett or it sense. Okay. Tommy Daslow. You should know of all people. I think it's Brett or it's Carl. Or it's me. Yeah. At the moment there, I didn't think it was you. Dr. Carl. Dr. Carl. Which one?

Neighbours or the one that can't see faces? Yeah, yeah. Just me as I'm being fucked going, now how's this work actually? Like what's going on in there? Like explain it to me. Yeah, you fucked going, now how's this work actually? Like what's going on in there? Like explain it to me. Yeah, you're going, what's the insect with the biggest flaps? He's just behind you going, you know, the anus actually has two sphincters.

Yeah, I know you've got face blindness, but I reckon you could recognise this arse if you saw it again. All right, so your guess is Brett or me. Okay, right. I am going to open up the mask pegging window. This is going to be what a reveal. Here we go. Get ready, guys.

I'm hitting admit now. Welcome in Mask Pegger. Oh! No way! No fucking way! Are you kidding me Has your career Blummeted What is happening

Speak Mars Pega What Well thank you For having me on the show Firstly This has been One of the great honours Of my entire career

To be part of this I will say You know you know Carl that it's important to me to give back to the comedy industry and I thought there was no better way to express the act of giving

rather than receiving than to take part in the mass pegger on behalf of the comedy industry it truly is Tommy receiving the People's Choice Award. Will Gruen is coming back. You don't need to do this. What the fuck happened?

This is a spin-off we were going to do up late called Groin. That's how you should have known it's Will's. It's got a little barcode that says Gruen underneath it You're like, oh, the clues were there Now, do you want, I mean, look, Will Do you want to give us a little bit of reasoning Behind some of the clues that everyone's been guessing

Can I have a guess why you've done it, Will? Because you ran out of Will puns And now you're doing Will-do That's your new show Oh, nice! Very nice. You're actually not too far away from the truth, Josh. I was going to do a show called Free Willy where the gag was that everyone got a free willy at the end of the show, like as part of the show, and I was going to call them will-dos.

So you're not actually that far away from it. Wow. What do you need to clear up? Which of the clues were most confusing? Well, let's go through just a few of the basics. Good at sport? Was a state-level junior AFL player. Played with James Hurd famously in a game where he got picked for the seniors

and I didn't. And I said, there's no way that guy's a better footballer than me. And then when he won the Brownlow, all my friends rang me that night and said, yeah, there's no way guy's a better footballer than me and then when he won the brown low all my friends rang me that night and said yeah there's no way he's a better footballer than you are and of course if you thought out of the two of us that day which of us was going to have our career destroyed by drugs you had it the wrong way around very nice very very nice um let's pick another clue. What have we got? The true king of the air.

Well, I mean, Nick Cody calls himself the king of the air, but he hasn't got arrested on a plane to Wagga Wagga and written an entire show about it. So, motherfucker, take a knee. I am the king of the air. Exactly, exactly. What else have we got here? A connection to the Royals.

Okay, so this one is okay. This is very, like, basically, my name is William and Prince William is a Royal. Like, it's not much of, it was a bit of a misleading clue. I've got to be honest. It was. Yeah, yeah, fair enough. I'll take that one.

This is great. And, like, yeah, this is a great reveal. I'm very happy to see you will, but I also, I kind of hate this because you are one of the guesses that we were talking about for most of the episode. And so knowing that there's a handful of people out there who have thrown out these wild hail Mary guesses and have now been proven correct is just

sickening to me. It's so annoying, because someone did write Will Anderson, I was like, the cunts are fucking multi-millionaire, and a national icon, as if he's going to stick his hard dick, into a bit of clay,

because our psycho friend Carl, asked him if he wanted to ram it into Tommy's ass, Will's got better things to do, I was wrong, I was wrong. You were absolutely wrong, I have nothing, when you say it like that,

I realise I had absolutely nothing better to do. I did not have a more compelling offer. And I've got to say, I mean, there is the issue of it being slightly undersized, but 15% of it had to go to Kevin White. Yeah, I was going to say, no offence, Will, but it didn't even touch the sides,

I have to tell you. Well, they call me the Milky Way because you can have me before dinner. I don't fill you up completely. And his bite size as well. His fun size. Fun size, mate. Fun size. Oh, my God. What a get.

What an absolute get. What else? Now, Tommy, do you feel bad that you only got Carl a little picture now after he did this? Exactly. Exactly. Well, that picture of Thai food was drawn by Rodney Roode, so, I mean, there is a bit of symmetry here.

There's a bit of crossover. Yeah, yeah. I'll give you a couple more clues. What was the removal one? That was the one I want to know. The removal one. So when the comedy festival got cancelled, I moved out of Melbourne because we were moving interstate,

but we had to do it all ourselves because of the restrictions. Yeah, imagine doing that. Manual labour. Why? Mate, it was like I was at baseball fantasy camp. I was like, oh, no, this is what. Look at this. It's a box.

I'm holding it. Weird. Oh, we're in fluoro. Look at me. I'm in the arse. It matches my dick now. Can I ask about the pop hit? Oh, yeah.

Oh, I know this one. Well, I mean, here's the thing, because I was speaking to Carl about, you know, what he was going to do with the clues and whatever, and he said, I'm going to say pop hit. And I was like, I haven't really been associated with, like, a pop hit. And he said, well, no, no, it can be more broad than that. He goes, like, you know, you won the People's Choice six times.

That's a pop hit. Gruen is, like, the number one, you know, like, debut show on Choice six times. That's a pop hit. Gruen is like the number one, you know, debut show on television. Pop doesn't mean music. Pop means popular. It means popular. So it turns out that by that definition, every single thing I've ever done qualifies as the answer to that.

Until now! I don't think this isn't going to be the biggest rating episode of this ever as well. I've got to get in there somehow. Shout out to the news.com.au journalists that are transcribing every word of this at the moment, by the way. Yeah, I should just say I'm very proud to receive this award. I'm glad that Tom Gleeson couldn't rig it so that it was actually his dick. Right.

But also, this is like another, the other side of it, this is probably the highlight of Tommy Daslow's comedy career. Will Fuck Me. Oh, mate, you can count that as... I was going to say, you can count that as a support slot. Oh, thanks, man. Yeah. I was going to say, you can count that as a support slot. Thanks, man.

I opened for you, yeah. And he only gave you a type 5. But you know me, it blew out to a type 15. Old sticky dick over here. He was just loving it, it man I couldn't get out I saw the light Yeah that was so good Flash in the bedroom lights

Get it out Will Fuck Yeah Yeah The next guy sitting there going When's he going to get off I'm supposed to be on soon How am I going to follow this

Play him off Fuck not with Marvin Gaye That's going to make it worse. Someone in the back of the corner of Tommy's room going, that's actually my bit. Yeah, well, that's why I wanted it to be a black dildo so I could pay back in black at the start. So it felt like I was really getting going.

But Carl said that was offensive. Yes. Yeah, I'm very much against black dick. I don't think you should do black dick. I've been a bit crooked that you were wearing thongs while you were doing it, but hey. A-thong, actually, Tommy. I had to put A-thong on.

When it slipped in, Tommy, did you first think, I think that's Adam Hills. Is that Adam Hills? Well, is that it? Are you happy with all those clues? I think that's all the clues done, yeah. I think that's pretty much the big boys. Okay.

Well, Tommy, you know, I was just glad to be part of this, but I do have to reveal now that, of course, it isn't me. I do have better shit going on. Like, what the fuck? Are you really thinking that I would do this? No fucking way would I do this, you fucking idiots. Like what the fuck Are you really thinking that I would Fuck No Why would I do this You fucking idiots

Like seriously What the fuck No But I've enjoyed I've enjoyed Trying that pink dildo on For the purposes of This ten minutes

It felt good I told you Will they'd fall for it, the fucking idiots. Well, this is annoying now. I was like, man, fuck. Well, I don't know who it is either, so I look forward to finding out who it actually does belong to. Good luck to you, gentlemen. Thank you, Will.

And let's hope that the people at the Murdoch Press listen to the whole episode and haven't just uploaded their article halfway through The story's already out on news.com I hope it's the other way around I would love nothing more than them to write an article that was not true about like me doing

a mole to my dick and then me owning the Daily Mail based on your podcast But also can you imagine the headline? It would be Will Anderson and four unknown comedians. Yeah. Yeah. Four miscellaneous comedians. I'm bringing them up going, it's B-R-E-T-T.

Yeah. And they're going, are you sure? Because the rest of your letter wasn't spelt right. Yeah. Well, look, hey, I'm bummed about being psyched out. You're not, literally. You're absolutely not. No, no, no.

Suck shit to the, like, once again, suck shit to those people guessing well who are now, they're back to being wrong. It feels good. Thank God Oprah is still back on the cards. I could still be right. I hope there was a celebration because I imagine if you had me as a long shot, that is like your Melbourne Cup winner coming in at 50.

Oh, sports better pay attention. And for the last 10 minutes, you've been like divorcing your wife and planning your trip to Bermuda. And then you're like, oh, shit, I should have listened. I should have listened. I miss you, baby. I miss you. Oh, thank you very much.

My pleasure. Will Anderson, thank you very much for joining us. And for the record, I don't have anything better to do than this. So that's probably even worse. Thanks, guys. To be fair, I didn't ask you to do the original thing, so maybe you could have said yes. But thank you, Will.

Thanks. See ya. Thanks, Will. See ya. ask you to do the original thing so maybe you could have said yes but thank you will thanks fuck you guys that is that i actually thought i was like no way he would do that and then the whole time i was like oh that's damn it now it's a bluff fuck it it took me five minutes of not believing it and then coming around again and then just shattered now. Like Tommy's little arsehole. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So are we actually going to find out in this episode who did this? Because it's fucking killing me. It's killing you?

Well, welcome back into the room, the Masked Pigger. Oh, fuck. Here we go. Here we go. The Masked Pigger is back in the room. We have a blank screen. We've just got the font there at the moment, the type there that says Masked Pega. This is a rollercoaster of emotion.

I know, isn't it? Isn't it? What a show. What a show. I wish we could throw to an ad. I wish we could throw to an ad. Is this like Spleen? Were you just lining up Masked Pegas 15 minutes before we started recording?

Nah, mate. Were these people that responded to a group text? Yeah, Will wanted to get on early. He was going to headline, but he's got other shit to do. He just wanted to do a bit of new. He put a bit of old in there in the middle. Okay, so, right. Has that changed anything for anyone

We've got Will off the table unless it's an absolute Double double bluff and we just put him back into This window right now I can't handle a double bluff bro I really need to know Because all the clues started to make sense that it was Will And I'm very gullible and I wouldn't think Of all the people I know Who would trick me deliberately

For some reason I didn't think you'd do that Carl Yep I mean it's a relief because the pop hit thing, that was so tenuous that we were, I think we were going to end up in a fucking royal commission over the clues in this fucking show. I thought one year he got a song

in the Hot 100 with Adam Spencer that 6.66 is the number of the beast or whatever. His 100, whatever. I don't know. Put it this way. Just before he came on, Will said, I think I've got something to talk about with all the clues except for the pop hit. And I just said, pop equals popular.

He goes, okay, that'll do. Cool. Right, right. And I knew he wouldn't. But it must be nice to have forgotten about a successful song you get on Triple J. It must be nice. Also, I should have known.

He would never lift his own boxes. He's rich. Yeah, he got me. He tricked one of us blue-collar workers. That's the one giveaway for Brett Blake. Yep. Great, great. Okay.

Has that changed anyone's feelings or are we sticking with our guesses? I still think Dave Callum. Okay. And Brett? I'm still thinking Will Anderson. It's a double plus. You're still thinking about him? Yeah, I'm still thinking about him.

I was like, it makes no sense because he's too tall. His dick wouldn't be that wide. Anyway. Oh, is that a thing? I don't know, but I assume it would be. And Tommy, you're assume it would be. And Tommy, you're still going with Dr. Carl. I'm even more convinced that it's you now.

Wouldn't it be great if on The Masked Singer if they did this sort of shit as well? So it's like someone, they pull off the fucking locust head or whatever it is and then underneath they've just got like a big rubber mask of fucking Salman Rushdie or whatever and everyone's like...

I reckon the better reveal is instead of pulling off the... Nah, it's Georgie Coghlan. Pull off the animal head, they've got it covering their dick and they just pull off the animal head and you look, stare at their dick and go, that's not them, fuck! Alright, so I'm about... I don't know, I think maybe the masked pegger

is about to go live with a video. I'm just wondering whether they're wearing their disguise at the moment, whether we're going to just open up the screen and we're going to just see the person or whether we're going to see their disguise. Is it just going to be their cock on the screen? See what? Just their cock on the screen. Close up of the cock so you can just compare it.

So we can do an analysis to make sure this is not a double bluff. That's good. That's a good idea. Okay. Well, I think I'm letting them into the room now. I think this is it. So another clue is to help with the technology. Yep.

Well, then it definitely could be me. It's Fiona O'Loughlin. All right. Mars Pega, are you going to reveal yourself or do I have to do something on this end? I think you just do it. Okay. There we go.

Here we go. We're looking at someone in a... Lives in a house with exposed brick. Yeah, I'm looking at clues around the thing. All right. Oh, it's a dinosaur that's cramming a dildo into its mouth. Right. Ready?

Okay. That's someone with a mask on That's got another dildo there Someone who's wearing a suit Well dressed It's not Dave Callan I reckon it could be Dave Callan because Dave wears a suit Nah, Dave's got bigger shoulders

Is there any clues in the background? There's a painting in the background Is that a painting of the Scottish Highlands? It's like something your nan would have in the background. It's like a modem. There's another clue. Wolfie lives with his parents. That could be

a parental picture. What's this? What's he holding up? Posturemedic. Posturemedic Posture medic. Someone who's... Oh, they've got Beats by Dre on their ears. Okay, so they're tacky.

Demonym. Demonym. It's Dr. Dre's dick. Yes. I knew it. No. Posture medic. It's someone with a bad back.

It is Will Anderson again. He's back. Guys, remember that Apple bought Beats by Dre. So Steve Jobs. It's Steve Jobs. Oh, it's Steve Jobs. Okay, right. Okay, thatats by Dre, so Steve Jobs. It's Steve Jobs. Oh, it's Steve Jobs. Okay, right. Okay, that's your final guess, Steve Jobs.

Okay, is this it? Is this the reveal? I think maybe this is it. Let's go. We've all had our guesses. Here we go. The masked pegger is... Nick!

I knew it'd be Kari! Of course you'd fucking do it! You got it, Blakey. It was me! Yeah, I even messaged him today saying, who do you think it was, thinking it would be him. Fuck, it was Kari. You definitely knew it was him by the way you guessed everyone else

except for him. I agree. You must have known it all the time, Brett. I had a widespread going. He's keeping the real guess to himself the whole time. Yes, the parents home. It all makes sense. The internet. He's keeping the real guest to himself the whole time. Yes, the parents home. It all makes sense. The internet.

It's all flashing back. We've had Zoom chats with this in the background, Blakey. I thought you'd get it straight away. Oh. Nick, don't act like we're friends. I've never called you once. That's dumb of Blakey, but that's also dumb of you to leave that as a giveaway in the background. I thought it would be nice.

I thought it would just be as soon as I come on, then bam, straight away reveal. But no. Oh, that's also dumb of you to leave that as a giveaway in the background. I thought it would be nice. I thought it would just be as soon as I come on, then bam, straight away reveal, but no. Oh, that's right. I think Brett's lucky to sort of remember who you are. Yeah, fair. I am on to my fourth beer at 11am. I've had a couple as well, so I'm not even sure who I am. Yeah, but you've got a job.

I don't have one. What's your fucking excuse? It's public holiday up here, man man He took the day off for this Yeah it's public holiday Yeah So Nick Carr Nick Carr

We've been holding this secret For a while It's You know It's been great It's been a great rollercoaster To see everyone get guests And slightly sad

The fact that Basically no one guessed you No one's been thinking About you at all No one's even asked me about it Like it's been a real, it's been real revealing just how little people think of me.

Like, not even, they think less of me. It's just they don't think of me at all. They didn't even consider me in a guess. Other than the one guy, the one Dundum fan in Brisbane, Matty Purser, that's like all of my shows,

he was the only one I think that guessed me. So, until Blakey just then. Yeah. I've got a question. How did you manage to maintain a boner while sticking it into clay? Well, let's

hold off the making of for a little while. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about 2D. Exactly. Exactly.

Exactly. Reunion special next week. I just want to say when it was, when Will popped in here, there was a moment in my head where I was

like, maybe I should have actually used it. That'd be a pretty cool plan. It's on record. Thank fucking God. Oh, what? Thank fucking Christ.

Is my dick just good enough for you, Tommy Daslow? That's a beautiful dick. Look at it. It's beautiful stuff. It's thick. Also, you're like, why is this dildo sweating on me? Why is there a spaghetti stain on my arsehole? If you hold it up to your ear, it sounds like a man panting. Yeah, I did wonder when I put the batteries in this

why it went over to my fridge and opened it up and started going through there. Now, let's just have this on record that Tommy Daslow did tell us the story of how he used it and did, in fact, have it in his anus. I wrote a story about how I used it. But you didn't? You couldn't see the document on my end, but it says fiction up the top there.

I didn't read that through that, but that's on the document on my end. Blakey, I don't know if you can back me up with this, but when you go into court and you confess to murder, I'm sorry, I should have... Blakey, I don't know if you can back me up with this. Blakey, I don't know if you can back me up with this, but when you go into court and you confess to murder, you then can't say, oh, no, no, actually, that was just a written bit of... That was just a story I made up. Carl, I can confirm you are correct.

Tommy, you do believe... And also, you've got to really remember that, Tommy, it's not only... You're actually taking away something from Nick Carr because technically he's classifying this as the first time he's lost his virginity. Big day for me, man. That's why I'm dressed up. Big day for him.

It's a big day. I'm excited. Finally. What was it like? Not on the bird board, man. At least that felt muffled. Have a good old time. What a whirlwind for Tommy's butthole to just think it had Will Anderson in it

and it ends up being Nick Carr. It's gone from absolute chocolates to boiled lollies. I think I'm a catch. I think I'm a catch. And he looks very satisfied. Look at his face. He looks calm. He looks satisfied.

I think he did do it. I'm pretty sure he did it. I'm pretty sure he did it. Catch a predator? Is that what it is? If Tommy had clenched his butthole, he would have called a prison. Put it this way, fellas. If you read on the news that my body was found floating

in the bottom of the Yarra later today, then you can take that as confirmation that I had actually used it. You mean that's because of the thickness, right? It would have split you open, would have absolutely murdered you. That's what you mean by that, isn't it? Also, I love that the tone of the dildo matches your rosy cheeks. That's the first clue. Damn it.

It is. It is lifelike colour. It is bright pink. Car, now I know you had something to say about this. I announced that it was glow-in-the-dark a couple of weeks ago and Tommy Dasso dismissed that. Because he's a fucking moron. If you leave it in the sunlight for a bit

and then like put it, and then turn off the lights, then it'll glow in the dark. Oh, okay. Put it on your windowsill so all your neighbours can see it. Yeah, leave it out for a bit, man.

Give it one of those little light shades that people put under their chin underneath so you can even tone around its dick. It's quite bright.

Tommy, maybe, Tommy, maybe if, it's like the real thing, maybe if you walked up about three steps, it would start glowing and sweating and sort of being quite bright.

Now, I did wonder this because a few people were posting on social media, can we get a look at it? Can we get a picture? And I did notice that, I thought about doing this myself but carl had been sort of suspiciously quiet on the matter about what you know i thought i was going to get a message going hey send me a photo or put one online or whatever but now we

know the truth if this had gone online too many listeners would have recognized it i don't know what you know you need you needed to get the flaccid thing and get the dildo to apologise for having to do it. Sorry, this never happens. You're like, oh, it's Nick Carr, Nick. Yeah, the voice chip in here that just says sorry again and again and again should have been a big giveaway. You can't start it until it's had 40 beers

and then it gets going. No one else looks at it until they've had a big night. Can we, what about this, Nick, our review? Now, you've been listening to the podcast the last four or five weeks. You've been basically listening to other comedians comment upon seeing the dildo. You've been hearing your contemporaries and your peers reviewing a model of your penis. How's that been?

Look, it's been confronting. I honestly expected much more roasting of it. Like, I thought it was going to be way worse. I really thought Brett, at the start of today, was absolutely going to hook in on it. Instead, he's like, wow, it's quite girthy. It's quite thick. My problem was I thought it might have been someone's famous and I didn't want to ruin my career, but had I known

it was you, I just went on. What a fucking disgusting dick. I was going to say, and then you fucked it by referring to how desperate I am. You're like, yeah, it's probably Carr. He's real desperate for attention. So you're fucking dead. I'm going to get my contacts in Perth to fuck your family i'm gonna get andrew wolf to take a shit in your mom's letterbox that's he'll do it nice nice um greg larson was that's that initially uh quite good

about it he was like oh it's quite thick it's quite good and then he changed his mind it's like oh it's actually not that big so he's fucking he's not welcome in queensland anymore he steps foot in brisbane he's gone i think that anymore. He steps foot in Brisbane, he's gone. I think that's because Tommy had it closer to the camera at the start and then he just dragged it. He said it was the same size as an iPod but he didn't mention it was an iPod Nano. I don't even make those anymore. Have you guys ever

seen the iPod Chode? Look, I'm aware that it's not the longest, but I mean, it does have, it's got some diameter to it.

That's good. I mean, that's the other reason I thought maybe it wouldn't. It's just like you, got thick and not much

to it. That's how I knew Tommy would chicken out. I'm like, this isn't a beginner dick. This isn't the

starter. This isn't like, you've got to work up to this one. But anyway. Yeah, you're right. I'm surprised he definitely did do it. That is a bit of a shock. He's seen it in his eyes.

He's hot now. You want more tummy? You want the real thing? In his eyes. His broken eyes. What about let's go through a couple of the clues then. I mean, the clues where you've lived elsewhere that's not Melbourne, of course. You're in Queensland right now. And I've lived in that's not Melbourne of course you're in Queensland right now

and I've lived in Sydney I was born in Sydney yep yep what else have we got I mean there you go you've got a connection

to the Royals you live in Queensland yeah there we go I feel like that was the weakest clue of them all

like that's the most tenuous fucking thing nah that's alright and you did work for a removal company. I remember you telling me with your ex-girlfriend. Yeah, I worked for my girlfriend at the time's dad. And that was weird. Because it was such a weird setup because I'd stay over there at night.

And he did not like me sleeping in the same bed as her. But her mum made him let me do it for some reason. So every morning he'd come in at five, knock on the door, open it up, stare at me and go, fucking get up. And then he'd cook me breakfast and then we'd go and work together all day and he just wouldn't talk to me.

He'd just be sitting there like, you know, grimacing, just like so angry the whole time because he knows I've been heavy petting his daughter all night. Do you mean heavy petting or heavy panting? Yeah. I'd be working all day getting sweaty, getting the muscles going, and she'd be out the back door watching it, just getting hot, ready for the night.

That is such a cuck move by the dad, though. Like, you fuck his daughter and then knock on the door and go, breakfast! It was quite good every day, too. Like, he'd make me, like, steaks and stuff because he's like, you know, we've got a big day on of cart and furniture around. So it was quite a weird time. If you ever want to do physical activity,

I highly recommend you have a steak for breakfast. It really gives you the energy and freedom to move around. I always have a marmigana and then I just tackle the day. Great. You have a podcast, of course. Your podcast is uh car crash where you desperately try and get people to help you be better at comedy and has that happened yet which look i'm trying i'm giving it my best hasn't yeah i love on my episode i said nick

you just need to take it a bit more seriously, work on your jokes, and then it cuts to footage of you just with your shirt off, sculling a fucking pizza, or God knows what you're doing with your guitar. Oh my God. The challenge section was a nice choice. And also posing his dick in a lump of clay and sending it to me.

So yeah, that's how to work on your craft. Yeah, that's it. It's more craft than working on your craft, to be fair. It was quite enough. You miss your relatives back in Perth? Yeah, my sister, she's a submariner in the Navy. Damn it! She's just recently had a baby about a year ago that I've only seen like once or maybe twice.

I really want to get over there. I missed his first birthday. So hang on, your sister works in a submarine? Yeah, she's a submariner. Yeah, she's heaps more manly than me. She nearly got to shoot a crocodile with a machine gun.

It's insane. What? Hang on, hang on. She works in a submarine and what, she's hanging out the side and

shooting crocodiles? I don't think she's a good submariner if she's shooting a gun underneath the water. No. I think she's

unemployed and I think she spins as much shit as Nick Carr. I don't think any of this has happened. I know. There was something like they were in the danger. I don't know. They were somewhere in Darwin and they'd gone for a swim. And then they went to swim back to the sub.

And there was like a crocodile just hanging out next to their little dinghy. And so they would have had to jump off the cliff and swim back to it. And so they were trying to work out what to do. And they were like, well, I think we need to shoot it or something. But in the end, they distracted it with a football, and then they just raced, apparently. That's the story. I don't know. It could be bullshit.

I love the idea that either of those things happen, that they work in a submarine, and they've got a machine gun on board, or they've got a football on board. It is the Defence Force. They would have guns. I mean, if anyone's going to have guns, it's people in the Defence Force. But that's still crazy to have machine guns. Machine guns inside a submarine. That's insane.

What are they going to defend the submarine with? Like, I don't know, bows and arrows or something? Like, what are you... What else? Nick, I don't know if you understand how submarines work. They're underwater. You don't fire it in the submarine. They go on land sometimes.

Then why do you need it? Why keep it in the submarine? Why have it in the submarine? To get it from A to B. They get bored waiting sometimes. Then why do you need it? Why keep it in the submarine? Why have it in the submarine? To get it from A to B. They get bored, yeah. Is your sister as bad at submarining as you are at comedy? Because I don't think she gets it either, bro. There's a chance.

I don't know. She once, like, just before joining the sub, she rang me up to ask me how to log back into her Hotmail account when she couldn't remember a password. So I am somewhat... Defending our country on the shore. Great. Good stuff. hotmail account which you couldn't remember a password so i am i am somewhat uh defending our country from the um on the shore great good stuff um that's also annoying as well because i fucking have met your sister we've had lunch together and i knew she was a damn it i should have i know all

these clues because i know you pretty well yeah that's what i mean like i'm really hurt that no one picked me up like there's so much stuff in there that are like stories that i've definitely told like you and even before the cody episode i think i told him one of the stories that's going to come up like the day before he recorded like and i forgot about it we were just chatting and it came up and then i was like oh fuck i'll fuck this i've wrecked it cody's gonna know straight away no what's the king of the air one well hang on hang on hang on we'll um i'm just going through a couple of the others um you've been recognised for being good at sport. Yep.

I was once ranked seventh in Queensland squash. That was a... But is that just sitting on people? No, no, no. It was actually... If you were ranked seventh, was there only four people in the league? No, there was 25 that year.

And the way squash rankings work is when you go in the first time, you just get given whatever the next lowest rank is. So I went in at 25, right? And then when you beat someone higher, then you get their rank and they get bumped down. So my first match was against ranks number six. He called up on the morning of the game, had to forfeit because he had a broken collarbone.

So I got his rank six. I didn't win a single other game i lost five games in a row but the lowest other person i played was seven so right great let's get shotgun in the top spot yeah you could have been number six in queensland just and not having ever played squash yeah that's it like i virtually yeah i mean i may as well not have because i think i played number one at one point and I think he won straight sets. I don't think I scored a point against him. I had to pants myself in a national competition.

It was a state competition. It was pretty grim. Now, hang on. Now, just to clarify, that's not overall Queensland. You weren't seventh overall in Queensland. Was that an age group? What was that? Oh, like high school.

I think it was like under 17s or whatever. Like, whatever the grade 12 one is. I reckon it does make sense because there's only 25 people with enough balls to play squash in Queensland. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you imagine explaining that to a guy? Just fucking hit you with a forest. Exactly.

Oh, no, squash is actually, there's a lot of drinking done at squash, because it's a club, like afterwards everyone just gets tanked. Like I saw a guy smash two, i've started playing it again recently i saw a guy smash two rumbo cans before he went on the court the other week it's crazy all right i'm back to respecting you're into it now get on it blakey great okay well look we've we've been on this show long enough this is this is this is a very long episode so let's just do one more clue and let's say let's we'll have you on again next week as the as the sort of carryover champion as the as the behind the scenes and we'll go through all the clues we just keep doing this we just keep getting dick molds made

for the rest of our lives until i get it right um now you've You represented yourself In court I have I have also lost my licence Twice for speeding Both times I fought the suspension

On the grounds that it would Cause me undue Economic financial hardship Ah Very well played Yeah And the second The first time

It was when I was younger Or whatever It was just real grim Just spending a day In Gatton Courthouse Just like Just watching like People getting charged For beating up old people or whatever. It was real grim.

But then the most recent time was when I was doing comedy and I had to catch the bus for eight months. And when I went to court that time, I was quite confident because I'd done really well the first time. And I was talking to the police prosecutor beforehand and I'd submitted a thing about, like, I wanted to get the work licence extended to comedy and not just my day job, so I could still...

And he's like, give us your type 5, and he's like, dismiss. No way, no, no, no, just work. We don't need to hear any of that. Well, the police prosecutor was like, seemed about my age, nice, pretty girl, we're having a good chat. She seemed really flirty. She's like, oh, so you're a comedian? I'm like, yeah, yeah, I mean, I get around around a bit i'm on a bunch of podcasts i do all right

you know whatever it's and then we get it and she was so lovely about it and then we get in the courtroom and the judge is like rightio so we've got to address the you want it extended for comedy now what's that about and she straight away is like yeah your honor i'd like to interject here we think that's a ridiculous uh you know, ridiculous assertion. We've seen no evidence or whatever. And the judge is like, all right, well, if you can provide some invoices and some, like, receipts, you know, just showing that you've been paid for comedy regularly, maybe we'll let you have it. And I was like, pfft.

She scanned in all these empty beer glasses. Like, they gave me this one, a good chance. Josh Armstrong gave me this drink card that I didn't use at the Gold Coast. So, yeah. Great, great. Well, congratulations for being the first inaugural Masked Pegger. Thanks, man. I'm sure we'll do this every year.

Season one. This will be very popular. It's like the Masked Singer where it was a surprise success and then the next year you get bigger and bigger names. By season three or four, Will will be back begging everyone, I think.

I can't wait until we franchise it overseas and the dollops start doing it or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. The Thailand, the Koh Samui Masked Pega Festival. That'll be next. It's going to overtake the... This podcast is just going to be the Masked Pega. We can hold it in the bar that I buy with all the minus money I have

thanks to Andrew Wolfe. Hey, I'm down quite a bit too. We'll get more into this, but I made quite a large financial investment into this whole little project. It was honestly the most stressful thing I've done this year. There's a lot to talk about. We'll be back next week with the reunion special. But until then, we'd better wrap it up for another week.

Nick Carr, thank you very much for taking part in this. All right, thanks for popping in. Josh, Brett, Blake, thank you very much for being on the show. Let's get some plugs done. Everyone here has a podcast. Josh, you have Don't You Know Who I Am every week. Every week. So everyone, you know,

the car hasn't been on, but everyone else has been on. I'm here whenever you're ready, man. Like, I've got... All right, well, I've got all these stories now for you. It's great. That's pretty depressing.

You have fucking anyone on, Josh, and you haven't had a car on. God. Especially now. Yeah, dad every week I feel like it's only right now you've seen my

dick I feel like we're close enough now that you should get me on yeah and Brett Blake you've got your

podcast yeah I've got a podcast with my good mate and friend of the show Nick Capper we've got a little live show in about

two weeks time on the 17th where we go live via Zoom and we just do top 10 your mates, which is all dumb shit we find on the internet. Have a beer. Have a good time. October 17th. Yeah, it's $6.90 tickets. They're cheap as fuck. It's all going

towards us buying another motorbike. So please actually buy it. And what's it about? So quickly tell people so they know what they're getting into. So basically it's a podcast where we talk about motorbikes and cool shit we find on the internet. But this live episode is about Your Mate. So once a week we do a thing called Your Mate

where we find someone who's a fucking idiot on the internet and that's Capa's mate. So we're just going to do... So Car's going to be on that podcast as well. Yeah, yeah, he definitely will be there. So we're just doing a little first live one just to have a bit of fun and see how we go. But yeah, it's on the 17th, I think, like two Saturdays away.

Six bucks a ticket. So yeah, it'd be great to see some people there. Cool. And Nick Carr, of course, you have Car Crash, which we mentioned before. We've got friends of the show on coaching you into getting better at comedy. Absolutely not taking any of the advice. I'm taking some of it. I wore a suit on stage the other day and found a new game I like to call,

like, because we went out afterwards. And so everywhere, every bar I went into, as I walked in, I started cheering. I was like, not guilty. And then I started high-fiving people. It was real fun. It's my favorite thing to do now. It was not guilty.

That's a great way of getting free drinks. I've never heard that. That's great. In Brisbane, we're just crook cunts everywhere. Everyone's like, yeah, man, you got them. It was great. Wow. Great.

All right. That's going to do us for another week, guys. Thank you very much for listening, and we'll see you next time for the reunion special. See you, mates. And they've done it again Oh my god What an episode

Imagine if we were allowed outside Imagine if that had been the live last episode Like that on stage That would have been pretty good Yeah I wonder how you would have managed The tech psych out of Having a Yeah having a fake reveal coming in. You know, you wouldn't have been able to do that live.

Wouldn't have been quite the same. You're working with the form in a pretty impressive way, I have to say. Thanks, man. Thanks, man. Hey, this is Talking Dumb Dumb. They've done it again. Bernie's kicked a big one. And we've got a little guest host of Talking Dumb Dumb this week that is sitting there silently in the Zoom window.

It's Nick Capper. Hello. Hey, guys. Man, that masked pegger. Bloody hell, I didn't see that one coming. Exactly. Hey, big exclusive. I know you haven't listened to the episode yet, Capper,

so spoiler alert, but it wasn't you. It actually wasn't your dick. Really? Yeah. Oh, but what? You can make me do the cast thing and everything I know that was for something else

that's something we haven't talked about that's my personal was this like was this like with the big reality shows and like back in the day with the like drama cliffhangers where they'd film multiple different endings just so the people close to the production get thrown off the set.

So you've actually got about ten of these just sitting in your cupboard now just so that if people got asked, did you do it, even the people that did it didn't know if it was them or not. Well, it was one of those things where when you're making a pretty cool production, you don't want to just fly by the seat of your pants and go, oh, yeah, imagine if this penis mold went out and got stuck up to Aslo's ass and oh, yeah, and so on. You want to test on yourself.

So that's why I got cappers to put in my own butt. It was kind of weird. I was just a pilot. I was a pilot. You didn't want just the shaft. You told me to cast my balls and my taints as well. And I don't know why you got me to do that, man. Yeah, it was so hard.

Thank you, though. I said thank you. Isn't that enough? Yeah. Do you know what it's like having plaster of Paris on your nether regions while doing a headstand? It's the hardest. Thank you, man.

I tried my best. I appreciate it. It all helped make that magnificent finale without your without that brain's trust of yours um we we couldn't have achieved the heights that we just achieved so thank you very much for being part of it nick and that was that was the first eight molds that i asked you to cast if you can get finish off with the next 17 um just purely for science in case we do a season two. We just need to be absolutely sure. Yeah, the multiple angle photos, I don't know how many,

different lighting, different shades. Well, it's really going to pay off if I do get to achieve my goal, which was like one of those Matrix scenes of just your genitals where it just freezes and we just see the 360. Yeah, bullet time. Bullet time of Kappa's taint. Dick time. Anyway, good stuff.

What a finale. So, Kappa, we've got you on board for nearly as eagerly awaited, I would have said maybe maybe more the conclusion of um talking dumb dumb regular segment over the last couple of weeks well not really not really regular segment at all that was we've just talked about it but um we did ask you a bunch of weeks ago if you'd send into kappa's cartoon connection the dream was that kappa wanted his own agro style cartoon show where you send in your drawings, colour them in and you'd come away with a prize pack if you're the winner. So very exciting. We've decided we're going to announce it now. We are going to describe visual art over an audio medium.

So it's bound to be good and interesting. So of course there's going to be a prize pack as well. Kappa, off the top of your head, I know you wouldn't have thought of this or anything else for more than two seconds. Anything to chuck in the prize pack? Look, you'll be getting – I've only got two or three Nick Kappa stubby holders. I got made in Thailand that only fit a stubby. They do not fit a can. They get stuck in there there which was fucking brutal um and every second person who bought one sent me a photo of that

and the reason our limited edition is because i probably would have had another 100 left but i accidentally put them in a donations bin next to a service station i I had three bags on me. I was like, this is the one bag. I put the other two bags of clothes in the viny bin. Do not put this bag in. Then walked away with no bags. So you're saying somewhere out there there's an op shop that has all these Kappa Stubby holders on the shelves. Yeah, someone sent me a photo of them all for sale somewhere and i didn't even bother

what are they going for do you know i don't know man someone just said oh i just saw all of these on a shelf what the fuck is going on oh i love that some videos are's have made more money out of it than you. That would be so good. Yeah, yeah. Right. Two of the great charities, St Vincent, DePaul and Kappa. Great. Okay, great. So you can chuck a stubby holder in there. We've got a couple of – I think we've got a couple of shirts to chuck in there.

I've got one spare Dum Dum Club mask to put in there. Oh, yeah. Yep. Yep. It's absolutely 100% guaranteed to prevent the coronavirus from infecting your lungs, despite the fact, of course, half of the show, Tommy Daslow says that you shouldn't wear a mask and there is no virus. But at the very least, you can, half of the show, Tommy Daslow says that you shouldn't wear a mask and there is no virus. But at the very least, you can be one of those cool dudes that walks around wearing the mask under your chin and walks into shops and orders a panang curry next to me last night.

And then I just look at him like you are a fucking cunt, but then didn't actually say much to him because he was fucking huge. So you can do that. You can be like that. You can be me. Yeah, and I'll see if there's anything else to chuck in as well in terms of a prize pack. I'll chuck some stuff in from my exhibition. I've got some stickers and a shirt.

So, yeah, I'll chuck that stuff in. Yep. Oh, man, this is going to be huge. This is going to be great. Yeah, I wish I was winning this. So, okay, this is going to be huge. This is going to be great. Yeah, I wish I was winning this. So, okay, number one, let's – look, thank you to everyone who has entered. There's a bunch of people. We're not going to be able to get through everyone

because it would be a little bit boring if we took too long. So we'll stick to like about – I mean, this is unusual for this show, but maybe we could do like five, I guess. Okay. So let's rip into that um all right first of all uh this is this is an entry from someone called emily in ruse new south wales um i'm going to hold this up to the zoom camera and we can describe what we're seeing um there we go nick capper that is a lovely sort of

outsider art type picture of of you getting married to Agro you in the tuxedo on the top hat

I believe I'm the I'm marrying you I've got the I'm the minister and and that's you Tommy Daslo

crying in the in the chairs not only that I'm the not only am I a guest at this wedding, I'm the only guest at this wedding.

All the other seats are empty. I didn't even, I didn't even get a plus one. Like, there's, why are there so many seats out? I couldn't even bring

one other person with me. Seems very, very unfair. There's no bridal party. There's no best man. Maybe you got one, but you said to him, hey, baby, do you want to come and see me, see Kappa marry Agro in a dress?

And they went, no, actually. What? Who's turning that down? That sounds amazing. I think that would get more than my actual wedding that might come up. I don't know. Well, not everyone's like us.

If I said that to my wife, do you want to come and see this? She would yell at me and go, what are you doing? What are you doing with your life? This wedding seems to be taking place on a beach because the floor, the ground is yellow and there's a lot of blue in the back, which could be sky or it could be water. And we've also got the sun up in the top left-hand corner there, represented in the classic form that you often see the sun represented

in cartoon drawings as wearing sunglasses. The scientific form. It always bothers me because it's the sun, so it's not actually seeing any of the light. So it doesn't really need the sunglasses. It's causing it in a way. Absolutely. I thought that's doesn't really need the sunglasses. It's causing it in a way. Absolutely. I thought that's the way scientists saw the sun.

If you look up a science book, only the scientists can read, you will see it with the sunglasses on. So good work, Emily D. Maybe the sun was planning on looking at itself in the mirror. That's why it had to be written. The water is very reflective, so it's like, yeah. Now, one detail that I do love is, so we've got the chairs, we've got the altar, we've got the two people,

we've got Tom, we've got Carl. You look good together, I'll be honest as well, Kappa. You and Agro. Yeah. Yeah, I'll tell you what. Yeah, Agro's been, he's probably in my top ten of GFs. Sexy monsters. A few of my ex-girlfriends have gone Agro.

Yes. Nice. Yeah. Yep, that's right. So it's kind of good it's been visually kind of represented there. But the detail that I do love about this – I love everything about this drawing, actually. That's right. So it's kind of good it's been visually kind of represented there. But the detail that I do love about this, I love everything about this drawing actually.

It's bloody beautiful, is just two tea lamps with little candles in them at each side of the altar. I have no idea why this level of detail was put here, but it's got a nice little touch on it. Yeah, two lovely little tea lamps, but no audience, no actual family and friends. For a wedding that only has one guest, they really have gone to a lot of effort here with the decoration and there's like a beautiful kind of floral arrangement at the altar.

I mean, you've really turned it on just for me, just for my benefit, which I'm chuffed about, honestly. I'm touched. But I must say. Look, honestly, I mean, obviously I'm working as a minister on the day, but I'm hoping I can hang around for the buffet. It looks like a pretty cool little wedding. Man, when there's more tea lamps than people,

I think Agro and I are really going to. Oh, no, my nuptials are bombing. Yeah. So anyway, thanks Emily. That was great. Thanks Emily. That was so good. Good one. Good one. Her caption is, her caption is because what's crazier than marriage? Am I right ladies?

Brackets looking at you, Carl. Thanks Emily. Final quick question on the end of that, Capra is, would you put this, I think all these pictures should be graded. Would you put this up in your house on the wall, on the fridge? I reckon I would. Fridgeworthy? Yeah. If I send this over to you, this goes on the fridge? Yeah, I reckon so.

Yeah, yeah. All right. That's great. You live with your girlfriend, so just every time she walks past the fridge, you're pointing at Agro and going, that's you. Yeah. That's a good initiation thing, I think, like a good kind of representation to get her acting to gear.

Any time she's going to get some ice cream or something like that, go, hey, look at this, Agro. Agro's next in line, baby. That's great. That stops her from getting ice cream. Right, okay. Awesome. All right, I'll save that.

That's for Kappa's fridge. Excellent. Thanks, Emily. All right, next up we've got a picture from Adam. Now, I'll read out Adam's letter that he sent with it first. Hey, mates. I've attached my artist rendition of Friend of the Pod, Nicholas Capper. Drawn on 110 GSM white cartridge paper using connector pens and assorted pencils.

The inspiration for this piece was 16 beers and using entirely my left hand in the style of original aggro. So that's like the little caption beneath the framed picture in the art gallery. Okay. Now here is the actual picture. Okay. And that is Kappa. He looks like a zombie, I would say. He's got radioactive stink lines.

Looks halfway between Carrot Top and the Joker. Like if Carrot Top chucked on the Joker makeup for Halloween. He's got these big red lips. He's got fucked up looking green eyes. Oh, sorry, I'm looking in the wrong Zoom window. Yeah, the drawings also. Ah, yes. The drawings.

Bloody hell. I walk into that one. I really walk into that one. I really walk into that one. Yeah, the pictures actually got rid of some of the flies, actually. It's nice. They've made you look nice there. You've got a big piss patch in your jeans as well, in your pants. That's a good touch.

Yeah, I like that. It's really good. I like this one. It's a little bit old i like that um it's really good i like this one uh it's it's a little bit old greek from the mighty boosh i'd say yeah that's right good touch yeah you look a bit undead i i do like it i'm also saying a udemy which is uh help in spanish um oh really yes okay yeah is that what that means? Okay. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, you're wearing the tux in this one as well,

and there appears to be – there's flies buzzing around you, and also I assume stink lines that Adam has coloured in green, which kind of almost makes it look like you're radioactive in some way. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. Adam did put the thing that it was drawn after 15 beers with his left hand, but Adam, I think you're just a shit drawer and that was your excuse. You should, yeah, this is, why did you put that little, oh, look at this, I'm an idiot, I drew this with left hand,

drink a drunk, nah. Yeah, back yourself. Yeah, back yourself. Even though you shit, back yourself. Just say that you, yeah, have no artistic ability whatsoever. Anyway, thank you very much. So, fridge worthy or not fridge worthy? I think it's, yeah, that's fridge, this is fridge worthy.

This is great. Oh, you're happy to put up a picture of you pissing your pants and stinking on your fridge. Okay. Well, compared to day-to-day life, that's a holiday. Right. Okay. All right.

All right. Excellent. My personal ranking, I think it's behind the aggro wedding for me. Yeah, really? Okay. That's good. it's behind the aggro wedding for me. Yeah, really? Okay, that's good. I like aggro wedding more. Yeah, aggro wedding is pretty, that's got a little bit more, it's a different

idea, it's unique. So I agree with you there, Colin. Yep, yep. What do we got next? Next up, next up we have Edwina has got something slightly different. We've got more of an Andy Warhol type thing going on here.

Now, I did ask for it to be drawn and coloured in, but she sort of cheated a little bit. But I do like it quite a bit. Is this digital? It's not a triptych. Yeah, she's drawn it on the computer. It's a nine part little picture of kappa there's just some repeated pictures of kappa through the year

him and his tuxedo and the top hat and then him and his high viz counting cracks next to a letter box that says 69 and him with a sign falling on his head in kosumui and him with a sign falling on his head in Koh Samui, and him with a face mask on for most of the year. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Can you hold up one of those panels a bit more? I want to see the detail on the face. So it's almost, it's sort of almost a bit like South Park-esque.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, you're right. They're very, like, flat, yeah, like round face, bit of detail in the eyes, but it, like, if you were going to be on South Park, that is what you'd look like. Kappa rocking up, hanging out with Cartman and the boys. I like this one. I think this one, it's hard to describe this one, but it's pretty cool. I think this one's almost T-shirt worthy.

I could see this on a T-shirt. This is good. This is really good. Yeah, I could see this on a T-shirt. This is good. This is really good. Yeah. Yeah, I could see that. It's missing the kind of hand-drawn flavor that I think we all really wanted to see in this competition. Yeah, look, it does look great.

I mean, look, who knows what Adam would have been able to do after 16 beers if he'd allowed himself to get onto Illustrator or Procreate and use the Wacom. Who knows, you know? But you've got to respect him for the fact that he absolutely played by the rules that we set out. Yeah, yeah. I mean, because he's handicapped himself like that,

I mean, we've allowed him a 99-metre handicap in this 100-metre sprint because he's put his hand up and said, I drank 16 fictional beers and I used my left hand. P.S. I'm left-handed. So, you know, let's give him a big old break, shall we? Only an able-bodied moron would draw something this shit. Yeah. Now, Tommy, you've got one to screen share at the moment, haven't you?

Yep. So we've got this one here. But I'd also say thanks to Edwina because I like that different style and it's good you branched out. I agree. Oh, wow. So this came to us from Anthony, who I believe he sent this to the Instagram, a black and white version, an uncoloured version,

and then was told to colour it in. So then he's emailed it. He appears to have drawn the outline with biro, and then I think he's coloured that in with pencil. It's a more kind of realistic attempt than any of the other ones we've seen. It's almost like a Robert Crumb-esque rendition. Yeah, I do like this. Good point.

Yeah, yeah. So it's very simple. It's very no frills. There's no flights of fancy. There's no beach wedding. It's very no frills. There's no flights of fancy. There's no beach wedding.

It's just the top half of Kappa in the tuxedo looking off into the distance with his teeth kind of bared a little bit. We can't tell, you know, what he's staring at, what he's looking at. But, yeah, it kind of hints at something going on just outside of the frame that's sort of, that's taken Kappa's attention, which I quite liked. It's very nice. For me, it was a very early leader. I like it a lot. Is it, this has got to be fridge worthy, doesn't it, Kappa?

Yeah, I reckon it's fridge worthy. Yeah, definitely, definitely. I really like this. It's really cool. I do look a bit Frankenstein-esque. I think he's kind of, for some reason, my head is quite rectangular in this. Yeah, like a lurch Frankenstein style of me.

But I love this dude's style, and I think it's cool. I would say in two out of three entries so far, you've looked undead. Does that say anything about you, maybe? I like the detail that he sent this in to Capper's Cartoon Connection, a colouring competition where we've said, draw our friend Nick Capper, and he's done the drawing, and then right next to him, he've said draw our friend Nick Capper and he's done the drawing and then right next to him he's written the text, Nick Capper. Just to really

get it over the line. Not a lot of faith in his own abilities. That was up there with the first entry from Emily D where it was the beach wedding and she's written the name on you Tommy and on me and then a bit of a stretch on Capper and then the name on Agro as well. I was like, yeah i was hoping that was that was that was aggro he was marrying and that that

wasn't a particularly poor rendition of kappa's girlfriend yeah yeah right right all right yeah this is a good one excellent so so that's fridge worthy and so what about um what about the uh warhol-esque Edwina entry? Was that fridge-worthy as well? I'd say so. These are all pretty much fridge-worthy at the moment. Okay, you're going to have a cluttered fridge. You're going to have to take off the butcher's calendar.

Once again, I'm very flattered, very flattered about all these, and I think they're really cool. Okay. Yeah. So that's four entries i i look i know i said five but i did yeah well he yeah here's the fifth one here's the two more quick ones we'll do two more quick ones well i'll see i'll see how we go after this one like i said i don't i don't i like to be a man of my word and i said five yeah but here we go i've got a double entry here from one person okay double entry interesting here we go first first entry here we go this is from robin this is pretty good i've been saving this for later on this is caappa in high viz doing some sort of skateboard trick knocking over his

own coffee very i like this a lot yeah yeah um because we did i believe when we were first floating this idea on the pod we did say something to the effect of we we wanted kappa to be doing something crazy in the drawing i believe that was a stipulation that we made. So, you know, a lot of these have just been the, you know, fine rendition of Kappa, but you've just been kind of sitting there. So this is, yeah, this is you doing a sick skateboard trick. The one thing I would say is that the hair is extremely off. I don't really, it's, based on their hair, it looks like they've tried to draw more of a Guy Sebastian

than a Nick Capper. It's an extremely thick, wiry, it looks like an afro. It looks like a real dinky dye, like thick afro. And again, you're talking about the right window again, Tommy, or? Yeah, this hair looks completely fucked. No, no, no. This is great. This is incredible.

The thick lines, as a drawer myself, anyone with a cool style like this, I am a big fan of. Great use of colour. And they put the skateboard. The face doesn't look like me, but you can tell it's me. And it's kind of like a dumb character. The face is a little bit off, but overall it's very good. This is my leader.

This is my leader. Yeah, this is. The use of the frame as well, the layout. You know, you've got a bit of the top of a roof there for a bit of like for how high up you're getting. Okay. This is the second entry, which is, again, Kappa. Same person.

Second entry by the same person. This is him on another skateboard. This is more of a somber Kappa, except this one seems to be like a picture that he's drawn in black and white and then decided just to sort of almost cross out and go, this is just Kappa covered in absolute pig shit. And he's just made him as dirty as possible. So probably more accurate than the last one.

But it is. And this one gives even more of an impression that this person has never actually seen what Nick Kappa looks like. I will say this likeness of all of them is the most off base for me personally. Yeah, this is too handsome. I like it. The chin and everything. It's giving you a huge chin.

You look like Jay Leno. It looks like Jay Leno dressing up as you. But this is cool. If I ever released like an Elliot Smith-esque sad song kind of acoustic album, I think this would be a beautiful cover to put on the front, like skate songs by Nick Capa or something, like Cruisin' Down the Lane by Nick Capa. I think it's very good, very good shit.

And also what this person's done is sent in those and then, for whatever reason, has then sent us in photocopies of the original so we can colour some in ourselves. I like that a lot. This is great. That's a nice touch. That's a really nice touch. Yeah.

I think this is far out. This is the leader so far. And even though it does have a weird chin and stuff, the hair looks so cool and the overall perspective is great. Yeah. I agree. I like it a lot. Did we properly point out the second one? So the first perspective is great. Yeah, I agree. I agree. I like it a lot.

And did we properly point out the second one? So the first one is you in midair doing the trick, and then the second one is you just sitting on the skateboard on the ground. So he's kind of given us – he's sort of given us a before and after kind of look to really appreciate the sick trick that you're doing in the first one. I like that touch a lot. This is more of a serious capo, more contemplative. Is that what you call it?

Contemplative. I don't know what the word is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Instead of just doing sick ollies in the air. He's a thinker as well. Yeah. So very good from Robin. I mean, I think that's the winner.

The only one that comes close, I've decided to put this in as number six because we had a little bit of time. This is the only one I think that could knock it out from number one. Now, this is from Toby in Fitzroy. Yep. Right. Now, what do we think about that there? It's a drawing that appears to be made in maybe two seconds.

It's just a very simple picture of Kappa with a big nose. I wouldn't say two seconds. It looks like it was drawn. It looks like someone drew it with their wrong hand in an attempt to throw the judges off their style, which actually takes, though it may look rudimentary and like it didn't take very long to do it all, it actually takes a surprisingly long amount of time to cover your tracks

and disguise your style to such an extent. Well, look, that's your hypothetical idea behind whoever – Hypothetically speaking. Draw this. Whereas mine is – it's just probably they tried their best and it still looks like fucking garbage. So it's got – yeah, this is the work of a real, I would say, someone that's very challenged.

This is true outsider art. Is that what you're saying? This is like a man with the mind of a monkey. Yeah, I think so. I think this is like someone who's going through a lot of difficulty in their life. This could be – I don't know. I haven't done any sort of sampling of this or anything, but it seems to be a drawing drawn with their own shit and fingernails.

That's what it looks to be to me. It's a very simple drawing of a man with a big nose, big hair, and he's saying, I love bombing. While there's a shower going on top of him. He's having a shower. Even though he's fully clothed. Now, that makes, why would you be fully clothed and having a shower? I mean, the mind behind this drawing, I mean,

they should lock this guy up in some sort of care. I agree. I think whoever drew this is definitely a confirmed pedophile. That's my take. That's my assessment. I was about to say that. I would say that. Yeah, yeah, I fully agree.

I think, you know, as a drawer yourself, Tommy, like looking at this drawing. Yeah, I do draw. That's a good point. I do draw. I actually use – when you say it looks like it was drawn with the artist's own shit and fingernails, I think it actually looks a bit more like it was drawn with some of these pens

that are just behind me on the shelf here in my apartment. That's weird. That paper looks familiar. It looks like a Japanese brand that I quite regularly draw on. I think that was – if it was drawn with those pens on that paper, I'd say the person took absolutely no care in using it and doesn't really know how to correctly use a pen. Yeah.

And probably, look, let's give credit. He probably knows how to correctly be a pedophile, but in terms of using the pen, he's probably a little bit off. Yeah, at least he can do something right in his fucking hopeless shit life. And that's diddle children. I'd say both hands are totally wrecked from one working a mouth consistently looking at photos. Oh, God. So is this the leader?

Look, I'm with you guys. This one wins. This one wins hands down. All right. So is this the leader? Is this the leader? I'm with you guys. This one wins. This one wins hands down. Is it fridge worthy? That's all we want to know. Is it fridge worthy? Oh, yeah, that's right.

That's right. Is this going on the fridge, Kappa? Look at the big smile on your face. The other ones look like a zombie. This one you look happy. You're loving life. Okay. I think this one goes in the shed out the back.

Oh, nice. That is personal space. You can't fit them all on the fridge. You're going to have to have a huge fridge to fit them all. So something's got to make way, doesn't it? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that one, even though how incorrect it is,

and the person clearly has no ability, and probably going through some kind of problem, but it is arousing. It's arousing. Yeah, great. Yeah. Great. Okay, so who's winning the prize pack, guys?

I've got to say the second last one. I'd say that's the prize pack for me, and I will get that as a T last one. I'd say that's the prize pack for me. I will get that as a T-shirt. Yeah, yeah. I'll get that as a T-shirt. That's Robin. You're saying you want Robin to win? I'd say so, yeah.

Yeah, so good. My vote still goes with Agro Wedding, but hey, I'm overruled. And I think I'm happy. I'm very happy with Robin as a winner. Well, look, we'll send something out to Emily in the agro wedding. Agro wedding definitely gets a mention. That definitely gets an honourable mention. That's a clear second to me, and, yeah, I love it.

All right, we'll send something out to Emily, but the main prize pack goes to Robin. Thank you very much to everyone that entered. We'll get these pictures to you, Kappa, and we'll put this video out just of this little bit on the socials as well so you can see us deliberating through all the different pictures. Tommy will Photoshop out all the framed pictures of young children on his wall, I assume, yeah put a new zoom background in um of just a normal normal sociopaths um uh bedroom so um we could do that

that'll be out in the next week yeah but just a mirror just i can just imagine carl in that with that mirror behind him flexing his bicep in doggy style. Absolutely. Absolutely. Look, I haven't done that, but I can't wait to. I wish I'd had that idea. So we'll do that. We'll get that out on the socials.

And also we'll get these pictures over to you Kappa so you can put them on the fridge and we want to get a picture of the Kappa household fridge with all the art on it oh yeah and send me the other entries as well I would love to check them all out

you know or post them in the group yeah no problem that'd be great no problem at all thanks Nick Kappa do you want to hang around

for the rest of it or you've got shit to do no I'll hang about hang about how long is this going to take probably five five six minutes four no probably probably about 20 more minutes or so yeah yeah no no no let's do it let's go through it let's let's write some names i reckon i'm in a mood i've got some blackberries oh yeah You're high on life. You've just been immortalized on paper by some very talented artists. So many talented artists. I've taken my breath away.

Thank you. All six of them, really talented, all six. So thank you very much to everyone who subscribes to us on Patreon, patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. It keeps the lights on, it keeps the motor running, it keeps us well fed. So what we do is we post out a bunch of bonus material every week.

Twice a week at the moment you're getting mini-podcasts, mini exclusive episodes, and of course the chance to be immortalised in an episode of Talking Dumb Dumb by having your name read out and picked apart. And this week with guest Nick Capa. Yes. The muse of many, many demented artists nationwide.

So let's crack open the UTA, the unplanned title alternator. Nick Capa's eyes have absolutely lit up in the Zoom window to see this piece of machinery in full flight. Wow. I can't believe it. As it chugs out the first name. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Matt Falkenberg. Matt Falkenberg.

M-A-T, just the one T. F-A-L-K-E-N-B-E-R-G. Falkenberg. A lot going on there. Yeah, there is a lot going on there. I don't even – Confusing. It sounds like a kind of like a type of aircraft engine. Oh, yeah.

You know, like, oh, yeah, the Falkenbergs, they were good in the 90s. Yep. Until they killed a lot of people. Until they dropped out, the engine dropped out and hit that primary school. No, I went to a city in Sweden. I think it's called Falkenberg.

Falkenberg. And I called it Falkenberg. And my Swedish mate thought that was pretty funny going hey cat where are we going i said to fucking bird and i thought that was really good yeah and uh the um the guy i went to a uh a birthday party there and uh the dad goes i heard you're from australia and i said He goes, you want to go surfing tomorrow? And there was a heap of girls there. And I said, yeah, let's do it.

Let's go surfing. And he said, cool. And then the next day he woke up and I was like, please do not take me surfing. I'm going to fucking be so shit. And he's like, oh, the weather's bad, Nick. Don't worry about it. And I was like, oh, man, that sucks. I really wanted to get out there and show you guys how it's done.

Always a great one with that sort of stuff. We can't go surfing because it's a bit wet. Okay, makes sense. Do you know where I'm from, Carl? Inland Australia. I don't even know what water is. Yeah. I don't even know what water is.

Yeah. What's the equivalent of surfing in Maroochydora, wherever the fuck you're from? Oh, Maury, we go water skiing a fair bit. I was pretty good on the water ski. Water skiing is a big inland country boy thing, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a big deal.

Everyone's got a boat or whatever. We had a little boat called Streaker. Had a nude guy on the side of it and a nude girl. Yeah, it was a cool little boat. Streaker. Wow. I thought it was a big one. Streaker with a nude guy on it. That's a bold country boy move.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Another one of another one of our free yeah there was huge petitions for the guy to be taken off huge the boat was vandalized daily that would that would be that would actually be really funny because that's it's you know it's such a country thing to just like drive past something and yell stuff out that'd be great if people were just on another speedboat driving past your speedboat and like throwing rocks at you because you've got you've got a nude man on the side just screaming at you yeah and you can never work out why it is you're like i think

they're just jealous of my boat driving ability. Everyone around here, they like to throw rocks and put me off my game. Yeah. They're like, oh wow, this is getting some attention. I guess. Couldn't be the woman that's getting attention. I think it's the man. So I have to draw the man bigger and the dick bigger and more detailed.

Right. The bigger and more naked he is, the more still... He'll scare them off if he's bigger and more nude. Yeah, yeah. What are they screaming at me? I think there's not enough semen coming out of that penis. Okay, then I don't want them to yell at me anymore, so I guess I better fix it.

Okay, I know what'll throw them off the scent. I'll be nude while I'm driving the boat and I'll be sucking off another man while I better fix it. Okay, I know what will throw them off the scent. I'll be nude while I'm driving the boat and I'll be sucking off another man while I'm doing it. That's the only thing that is going to make them leave me alone. If it draws the attention away from the drawing on the side of the boat, I'll do it. Yeah, yeah. I'll get another man to ski off my dick rather than using a tow rope.

And that will make things a lot easier. Why couldn't we have had all these mental images before people drew these pictures of you, Kappa? Yeah, we did this the wrong way around. Yeah, yeah. Special bonus prize to see who draws who draws a boat a photo of me in a speedboat

within the next week if you can send us a photo of a nude kappa that you've painted onto the side of the boat then the price pack is yours we dethrone this winner if you can turn that around in 7 days then the price pack is yours I'll hold onto the price pack for a week if you can do that, if you can turn that around in seven days, then the prize pack is yours. I'll hold on to the prize pack for a week, okay?

If someone can outbid the previous winner. Yeah, sorry, Robin. But unless you want to buy a boat this week, Robin, and just confirm, if you buy a boat, Robin, early in the week, it doesn't matter who enters for the rest of the week, okay? So I'll give you that advantage. Not to make Robin work harder, but if Robin did draw a picture of my penis being used as a tow rope and someone skiing, you get a double prize for that. I don't know what it would be, but you get whatever prize.

Right, right. Well, you better get down to the salvos quick to buy up a big armful of stubby holders in Kappa if there's more prizes to be given out. But, yeah. Water skiing. Water skiing, is this fair to say? It's the country bogans surfing.

Yeah, I'd say so. Yeah, that or dirt biking or, yeah. Yeah, that's the kind of thing. Yeah, yeah. Fishing. Oh, but fishing is kind of on the beach, isn't it? It's not just inland. I'd say probably more.

Yeah, yeah. It seems like it would be more dirt bike riding, right? Because you don't really hear about too many people that are like, I could go pro with my water skiing. Like I know that's an aspiration that some people have with surfing, and it seems like more people would have that aspiration with dirt biking than they would with surfing. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. People do do a lot of – they go to skiing finals and all that, but none of it's – you don't – yeah. I don't know. Skiing is not seen on the cool spectrum of extreme sports. I think wakeboarding was for a while, but I don't know. Well, you know what I think it is then? I think it's more like skiing in a lake is more like surfing,

the surfing of being in jail. You know, it's like if you're in jail, you sort of go, I wouldn't mind having sex. Well, there's no women around here, I guess. Well, you know, when in Rome, fuck a man. I think that's what, if you're inland and you really want to be like a surfer, you do water skiing. I think that's the, if you're inland and you really want to be like a surfer you do water skiing, I think that's the only equivalent

the only equivalent yes, as someone who went to Rome last year and fucked a man, yeah I can, what you said is true about water skiing so yeah, absolutely stacks up I'd say that's a fair thing good work

good work Falkenberg yep work, Falkenberg. Yep, thanks, Falkenberg. Thanks, Falkenberg. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Anthony Humpage. Humpage. Humpage, H-U-M-P-A-G-E. Anthony Humpage. Wow, that's kind of like the, what is it, what would you say the, what's that stuff like you do before sex?

What's the foreplay? Precum. Yeah, yeah, the hump age. That was before the sex age, the hump age. Just, you know. Are you sure it's not pronounced humpage? Well, it probably is. Humpage.

Yeah. Humpage. Oh. Yeah, you've got it. You've got it. It's a strange name. Let's not muck around. It's brutal.

It's really brutal. It's up there as one of the worst ones we've heard for the schoolyard, at least. You know what? Now, Kappa, I will say this to you. A very appropriate name to come up with you being in tow. It is, I've just looked him up on Facebook to do a bit of research to make sure this is a, you know, I can get any info on him.

And this is a man, first picture that comes up, he's in high-vis driving a tractor, drinking a Corona. Oh, really? Humpage. Yeah. Wow, drinking a Corona in a tractor. This is, yeah, Anthony, I don't know how life will be kind to you. Yeah.

Anthony, I don't know how life will be kind to you. Obviously, you work quite a bit and now you're just getting photos in high-vis, in a Corona, in a tractor. You've obviously paid somebody to take a photo of you doing this, giving you the Corona, and then you've gone back to your IT job. No. This guy is salt of the earth. This's a this this guy's wrapped at kappa he's um cap you're you're a spirit animal this guy be wrapped at your your part of this i mean he's he's in he's got high vis and he's drinking a beer on a tractor

this is you that's you so this is this isn't a phony. No. Really? Wow. Yeah. I like that. This is absolutely you. This is, like I said, Hive is Tractor drinking a beer, and he's got a weird last name.

That's you. Yeah. I guess. Yeah. I wonder if he should let us know. Is he spraying? Is he plowing? Is he using no-till?

What kind of Tr tractor are we doing? Is he using mancozeb? What's he spraying? Fava beans? Wheat? Or is he planting? That's what I want to know. And what is he planting?

What do you reckon he'd be planting with a name like humpage? I think if he's drinking a Corona or a high-vis, he probably would need to be planting something quite simple so he doesn't screw it up. So probably wheat, I'd say, dry land wheat or something like that. Is that the simplest? Yeah, it's pretty – oh, actually, yeah, yeah, that is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very, very easy.

You can't fuck up wheat. No, you can't fuck up wheat. You can't really fuck up faba beans. You can't fuck up those type of things. Whereas cotton – What I do – Cotton, you've got to be looking around all the time because if one of your plantings is blocked, then that's a whole row that you don't plant and it doesn't grow there. So you've got to be looking at it all the time.

I never knew you could be a farmer and a nerd. I'm learning a lot today. What I do like is that he's on the tractor in the middle of a paddock wearing high vis, like anyone else is going to fucking miss him in the middle of a fucking empty paddock driving a tractor. Yeah. Yeah. I haven't farmed in about 12 years, Carl, but I can't vouch for this.

I don't know what this high-vis biz is about. This guy is a shame. On a farm. Yeah, you don't need high-vis on a farm, do you? No, you don't need a lot of stuff on farms. You don't need breaks. You don't need safe work laws. You don't need multiculturalism.

These are things you don't need on a farm, okay? You don't need breaks. Right, right. You also don't need holidays. You don't need a lot of things. You probably need Lifeline, but, yeah, apart from that, simple needs. Thanks, Anthony. Thanks, Humpage. Thanks, Anthony. Thanks, Humpage.

Thanks, Humpy. And this will be coming out on Hump Day, Humpage. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber, Lachlan Christie. Lacho. Christie.

Lachlan Christie. There's something there Something there yeah I mean he's got a Kind of a woman's name is his last name Christy Yep Which I feel like is what we're getting

Thanks to those beautiful few Benjamins In the bank account Yes Financial Ristie there Not too bad Is he a $10 or a $5 in the bank account. Oh, yeah. Financial wristy there. Not too bad. So what, is he a $10 or a $5 or? I don't have that information right in front of me, but I did just look up, I just looked up on Facebook,

Lachlan Christie. I had a bit of luck on the last subscriber there with Humpy. Now, the first one that comes up, Lachlan Christie, candidate for Hobson's Bay City Council for the Liberal Democrats. Oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Yikes.

Looks like we've got a Cooper's Pale Ale drinker on our hands. A real Murdoch. Dare say this cunt's never seen high vision in his life. Yeah, that's what happens, Tommy, when you say enough ironic dumb cunt stuff on this podcast. You're eventually going to get some liberals believing we're saying it for real and going, yep, we love this show. Yep.

Yep. Just early on the show, just so you know, when we were talking about Tommy being a pedophile, that was a joke. That's not real. Don't like this show because you think that we're pedophiles. That was irony. If that's going to scare you off that's that's fine but you you may have started listening to this show because because you thought hang on that we fuck kids now there's absolutely not not that there might be the liberal party's ideals but that's not ours okay it's a

joke to us hang on hang on so what you guys were joking about that yes Yes, yes, Kappa, yes. That was a joke. I've got to go. That was a joke. Are you going to go to run against Lachlan in this election? Oh, fuck. Man, I don't know. I've got to go listen to an Andrew Schultz podcast or something like that, all right? I don't know what that is, but I'll assume it's bad.

So, yeah, look, there could be blood money we're getting in there, Tommy Daslo. So I don't know how to feel about that. Yeah, this comes down to this is a speculative question we've asked in the past. Who is the worst Patreon subscriber of the show? We've speculated on it before. Are there people listening who are in prison?

People committed horrible crimes? Yeah, I don't know. Getting Patreon money from a Liberal Democrat. Not ideal. Not ideal at all. Look, what about this, Tommy? What about this idea? What about this idea? What about this idea? If we're taking money

from a Liberal member, that's less money he's got to buy bullets to shoot foreigners and to blow up detaining centres and things like that. That's good, isn't it? And at the end of the day, look, the world is burning thanks, you know,

largely in part to the actions of the Liberal Party. We probably don't have very long left. So now is probably the time to just let your morals go out the window and accept money from whoever the fuck wants to give it. You know what I mean? Like we're really not going to have to live with this ethical quandary for too long thanks in no small part to the actions of that party. So, you know.

Just letting you know, Lachlan, I have no morals whatsoever. So if you do cease your podcast subscription to these guys, the Phone Hacks podcast is a superior podcast, but also we welcome anybody, racists, criminals, whatever. As long as you pay the money, it does not matter to me. As you say at the start of every episode of The Phone Hacks, stand back and stand by.

Look, I'm wearing a mask mask don't wear a mask whatever liberals cool whatever give me your money alright well thanks Lachlan and the best of absolutely no luck in the next election

thank you to Patreon subscriber Gavin Neal. Gavin Neal. Gavin, hell of a name. Yeah. It's a real shame, isn't it? Yeah. How you could do that to a child is baffling to me.

Yeah. I mean, like we've said about, you know, things to do with children earlier in this very episode. I mean, that's bad, but so is this. That's up there. Absolutely. It's certainly up there. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, you know, that's Lachlan Christie's probably got a kid called Gavin as well. Yeah. Yeah. I wonder how many... It's wild to give a name to someone who it's like giving a name to your child when surely you have to ask yourself, have I ever met or heard of a cool person with a name like Gavin

in my entire life? And surely to God the answer comes back no. It's bewildering. Yeah, it's never happened, is it? Someone should bring Gavin, Gavin as a verb. Like if something's been fucked up. I got Gavin. Yeah, I got Gavin.

Not even fucked up, just made boring. Yeah, yeah. Oh, man. Season two of this show has been Gavin. Yeah. Really Gavin. Right. Really Gavin. Right. It's boring.

Right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's nothing special. Sorry, Gavin, but he knows that. I mean, what do you do? What do you do? It's not had a big effect on his life. Like nothing spectacular has happened.

Nothing probably really bad has happened thanks to him having that name. But I think basically nothing's happened. Yeah. I could imagine a Gavin kind of hanging around fencing supplies a lot, you know, like chicken wire and posts and all that kind of stuff. Chicken wire. Just associated with all that kind of boring shit that Gavin's getting into. Yeah, I see it.

I see it. I see it. So, of course, Gavin McInnes, the leader of the Proud Boys. So if you're a Gavin out there, he comes into prominence and you're going, fuck, I've already had a hard enough life as it is because of this name, but like very, like in a very non-specific way. And now you've just got like a full blown, like fucked up, right wing extremist cunt

with the name. You'd just be going like, my God, it's been hard enough as it is without a clear specimen. You're begging for the days where there's just boring Kevins, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I reckon Gavin needs, I reckon you need to say it differently so it gives it a bit of flair, like Gay Vin, you know what I mean? Okay. Like Gay and then Vin. Yes.

Like Gay. Gay Vin. A Mediterranean name. So you've got diversity on both sectors there. So you're saying if you pronounce his name as Gay Vin, in the same way that if you know someone called Kevin and you abbreviate it and go, hey, Kev, what's going on? That means people are saying, hey, Gay, what's going on?

Is that your idea there? Yeah, I think so, yeah. And I just think it's – I could see Gavin, yeah, hanging out at chicken wire places or auctions or whatever. Gavin, I could see Tulsa dancing. I could see – Yep. I could see Gavin doing a lot of stuff.

There's a life there, isn of stuff impressive there's a life there isn't there there's a life you can't be boring and called gay Vin can you no and I could also

you've got Vin in there yeah exactly Fast and the Furious franchise very popular you're reminding people of that every time you introduce yourself

subconsciously they're like fuck I love those movies they rock yeah I like this guy I like this gay Vin however his second name Neil really running in a blank there guys subconsciously they're like, fuck, I love those movies. They rock. Yeah, I like this guy. I like this gay Vin. However, his second name, Neil, really running a blank there, guys.

I'm sorry. Really running a blank. I don't know what to do about it. Okay. Yeah, it's tough, isn't it? You can get a refund if you like, man. First Patreon, Reid, that's fine. You stumbled at a fourth hurdle I really ran a blank there

I could not Well thanks gave in Thanks gave in Okay Let's just do one more We're nearly clocked up an hour This is a super long episode With the boys up front

The boys up front in Little Dum Dum Club really, really ran over the clock this week. And now we're just doing our time, but I mean, it's a long episode, all up. It hurts everyone. It hurts everyone when they go along, and we say it every week. Guys, it's not

just you that it affects. There's a trickle-down effect where other people suffer because of your selfish actions. And do they listen? No. Week after week, just you that it affects. There's a trickle-down effect where other people suffer because of your selfish actions. And do they listen? No. Week after week, our... Oh, they've gone longer this week.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're taking a piss. They walk out the door, oh, sorry, boys, didn't see the time. Oh, did that go long? Oh, we'll try better. Sorry. Oh, sorry.

Yeah, I had no idea. You know, I didn't have a clock right in front of me on the fucking laptop screen permanently that I was talking into for the entire 90 fucking minutes. We're in the zone. You know what it's like. Sorry, we'll try better next week. Yeah, if they have any skill, you can kill in less time, you know?

You know how people go along? You know how people go along? They're like, oh, yeah, I needed it to kill. You're like, yeah, fucking do your job in five minutes. You know, I'd like to crack a five-minute episode. Exactly. And look, I heard some of it as we were sitting here. We had to hear some of it because we're waiting to go on.

We hear it a lot of the time, waiting to go on. We had to listen to most of the back end of it. I mean, they're just like it's supposed to be a comedy podcast. You know what they were doing this week? It was all – this was supposed to be funny. They had a model of someone I mean, they're just like, it's supposed to be a comedy podcast. You know what they were doing this week? It was all, this was supposed to be funny. They had a model of someone's penis and they're flapping it around and going, imagine if it went up someone else's butthole.

Gone, that's comedy to them. They're talking about that for an hour and a half. That's what they think is funny. Anyway, just to finish off Talking Dumb Dumb, thank you very much to Gay Vin Comedy. Thanks, everyone. Thanks for listening. Thanks for listening to Talking Dumb Dumb. We've got merch.

We've got T-shirts. We've got hoodies. Get onto the website. Check it out. Nick Capper, you've got your own podcast called The Phone Hacks. Yes, I do. I do have The Phone Hacks podcast, and I do have another podcast with guest Rep Blake.

And if you enjoyed the sonics of his contribution in Little Dumb Dumb Club today in the front end of the episode, look forward to the professionalism of the audio of that podcast every week. Yeah, him and I combined. Professionalism combined. You know when the two good bits of the atom are joined together and it doesn't create a mushroom cloud, it just creates fucking hot sticks. That's what we create every week with our flat stick podcast.

So thank you. Yeah, yeah. I must apologize for brett on that episode he does tend to bring down the lpms as we call them in the biz but i rest assured folks i am there to clean it up also mike goldstein mike goldstein right between me and you guys not many lPMs coming in on the L. Right. You're the guide dog to two blind men.

I get it. Yeah, yeah. I'm there. I'm a bit of, you know, but thank God I'm able to come on here. I get refreshed. You know, personal trainers, they have their own personal trainers. I go to the little dum-dum club and I'm like, oh, whoa, I'm with the masters. I'm back.

Right. We're the sorbet. Audio sorbet. Alright, guys. Much appreciated. We're happy to reinvigorate you. Excellent. Sign up to Patreon. Get our merch.

And of course, we didn't properly do CBS Mailbag this week. I mean, we did in a way because it was all about Cabba's Cartoon Connection, but we didn't do the other little bits and pieces. So feel free to keep sending in. It's a little Dum Dum Club,

P.O. Box 6063 Hawthorne West 3122. And I've got a couple of little parcels from last week that we'll have to do next week that were excellent. So keep sending stuff in. Great. Thanks, guys. Thanks very much for listening. And we'll see you next time. See you, Matt. See you, Matt.

Bye, friends.