The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 528 - Aaron Chen & Adam Knox

Episode Date: November 11, 2020

Restrictions have eased in Melbourne so we're able to do our first IRL session in four months BUT it has to be outdoors, so we're next to the MCG with AARON CHEN and ADAM KNOX! Chenny's come down to Melbourne for the tail end of lockdown and Karl springs a story on him about the last time we saw him after our Perth show last year. We also discuss the logistics of picking up in costume on Halloween PLUS we have an exciting new career path for Tommy that YOU can get involved in right now! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Aaron Chen and Adam Knox. The first IRL recording session we have done in many, many months. Very, very exciting stuff. Feels good. We'll be back at the end of the episode to talk to you more in Talking Dumb Dumb about our Patreon and all sorts of other things that we have going on. But until then, enjoy this new episode with Aaron Chan and Adam Knox. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and with me as always, the other half

of the podcast, Carl Chandler. G'day dickheads. Oh, it's a beautiful summer's day. We are out at the park and we're joined by two very special guests. Please welcome back into the show, Adam Knox and Aaron Chen. Good to be back. Welcome. Welcome into the first IRL podcast for a long time for people at home. We are literally recording at the MCG. We're in public in a park and after like 200 or whatever days it's been of lockdown this year,

my social anxiety is already quite high. I'll now be doing a podcast in the middle of a park. Some of those trees do have angry faces and they are going to get you. If being just out in public isn't scary enough for you at the moment, why don't you add doing one of the most socially reprehensible tasks you can ever be doing? Yeah. I'm going to have to alter my volume as we go.

I'll be like, yeah, everyone, it's great to be back. Do you want to fuck me in the ass with the dildo that you've made? Looking around over my shoulder. So people at home that may not understand, we're in Melbourne. We've been in lockdown for quite a while, and so we are technically allowed to not record inside at the moment. We're not allowed to have four people inside or whatever from different households,

but we are allowed to. Like how you say we're not allowed to record inside. Premier Dan Andrews has said you can have as many people as you want in the house, but there is to be no proof. We found that most of the spread came from content, so we are cracking down. So we are in a park enjoying some refreshing liquid

while we're recording this. We are literally at the MCG. We are but 100 metres away from the MCG. We haven't got a big crowd, I'll be honest. We haven't drawn a huge audience. Well, you know, technically, if I said I was performing on this podcast, I've drawn a bigger crowd to the MCG than the grand final did this year.

So I can put that on a poster. That's not bad. We are having quite a few walkouts in that there are people walking past us recording and then just not stopping. Better children running away. If we could convert someone to being a listener of the podcast

by the end of this Alfresco recording, that'd be fucking great. Like these two over here. They look like they'd be into it. This guy just standing there with his shirt off flexing. I reckon he's might be in our demo. He'd be in our demographic. Well, we could certainly

sell him some merch because he's not wearing shirt. He's standing next to the merch stand as well. Oh, you're so... He's in for it. Man, he needs a shirt. Well, we're in a park. I mean, this is...

Coming down here wearing no shirt being like, I'll buy one at the MCG. Because then if I buy one and I want to wear it straight away, I'm going to be left

holding an extra shirt like a fucking idiot. It's like when you travel with an empty suitcase. It's like when you go shopping nude. It's like when you get to the airport and they sell luggage there. You're just anticipating people bringing handfuls of clothes and just getting to the airport and going, oh, I'll just grab one there.

So you can't come into this Kmart naked. Well, I need new underwear. What am I supposed to do? What kind of rule is this? I should be the first one allowed in. Everyone else is clearly just getting spares. This guy in a suit, he's just taking the piss. Kick him out.

You're the one staring. Well, when you guys were finding a place to meet, all I got was meet me at the Pullman Hotel, which I thought was like a pub or something, but it's an actual hotel. Yeah. So I thought I was like, you know, Borat to Rudy Giuliani. One of you guys trying to fuck me and then blame it on me. The other one's filming it to prank the other one.

Yeah. I did see you from afar get to the Pullman and then go and like out the front of it and then just sort of look around and then like walk into nearly a wall again and then turn around. You're like a video game character that just like doesn't know where they're going and they're just trying to walk through a wall and then not getting there and going trying it again and whatever. Bad collision detection on the Cheney Polygon.

We should also say, yeah, so we're recording this on Melbourne Cup Day. Cheney, you're in town filming something. You had the day off. Yes. So Carl's first thought was let's do this at a pub. Let's try and find an empty pub. But, of course, it's Melbourne Cup Day. Yep.

Can't get in anywhere. And it's a beautiful day, so we decided we'd do this at the park. And look, this is weird for the rest of us being in a park, you know, together. I mean, you've got a bit of experience doing a fair few anti-mask rallies lately. So, you know, you've been here before. Well, also, I mean, just this being out is quite weird. You know, a lot of people are excited to have their lives come back to normal.

But for me, I actually feel quite put off by this because I've been social distancing for years. So the last 200 days has just been business. This is the bit I find challenging. Wow. We've got to scoop on the podcast. But yeah, this is our first IRL podcast in months. Doing it in the park was the only option.

I'm sure the recording sounds fine, but if the wind picks up, no fucking comments about it. Thanks, guys. On the socials, we don't need to hear complaints. Either that or we are definitely inside your house and we're just faking it. Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet. Hey, get off my lawn.

Oh, it's an old man. Well, it's Mr. MCG. Old man MCG is trying to chase us off. It does feel pretty bad that Mr. Ground. I'm like, I rolled into town one week and so many other Melbourne comics can't be on this IRL podcast. Yeah, it is. Yeah, so you've come down here to film something. You got to experience the brutal final week of lockdown.

And then now you're just basking in the spoils. You're getting to soak up the celebration of everyone out of lockdown. I felt that when everyone was celebrating that the restrictions were easing, I was like sad about it because it was still worse than what was happening in Sydney. Like we're recording podcasts in studios at the moment. Well, you just said before the show, like you've got so much freedom up in Sydney. You got down here and there was like a massive line to get into a shop and you're like, I'll do that for something to do.

Just chat to everyone in the line. Yeah, it was a hard few months. Were you conflicted? Because when you came down, I guess there wasn't yet an end date, so it's like, happy to have work, but fuck this. Going into jail, it's like, yeah, we'll pay you a little

bit to do chores around the place. What about this, Cheney? Last time we saw you was you did the last live show we did in Perth last year. So I think that's physically last time I've seen you. Was that last year or like at the end of last year? Yeah, last year. About a year ago.

Oh, yeah. So it's like a year, isn't it? Yeah, November. True. So you, now the great thing about that was, so you did that live show with, who was it? Cody and? Brett Blake.

Brett Blake, yeah. I was about to say friend of the show. Well, of course they are, because they were on that episode. But, so that was a great time. We had a fun episode there, and everyone loved you. Now, we went to have drinks afterwards, and we went to like a pub. It must be nice.

Yeah, it's all flashing back to me now. But what was very funny... The look on Jenny's face, he's absolutely sweating. I know. Feels like he's about to be absolutely gotcha. I'm not surprised you remember this less well as well because you've got like four extra months of memories that we do here.

You're technically older than us now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so funny. I've been in my house for 12 months. You're the last Asian man I've seen. Now it's happening again. I'm the bookend. At Carl's house,

they don't even allow him on the TV. They change the channel. So he's not kidding my wife is very strict so yeah so we went to the pub afterwards okay now we

I was sitting there and we were all having drinks and whatever I was sitting at one end of the table and there was like I guess listeners had come and hung out with us as well

and oh here comes the wind fucking hell it's really happening, folks. I was just thinking, like, why do we do this all the time? This is beautiful. Chen and Nature are not happy with the story that's coming up.

Nature's trying to stop you. Yeah, we don't even need to bother booking four guests if we do this again. Just one, and then Nature as the fourth guest. Yeah, does a review. So we went out. We're sitting at a table, all having drinks. There was listeners there. And I was overhearing Yeah, does a review. So we went out, we're sitting at a table all having drinks. There was listeners there and I was overhearing

the story of a listener and one of the listeners was saying, oh yeah, what's wrong with Cheney? What's wrong with Aaron Chen? Because we were back at the venue,

we were back at the gig, after the gig, we're all hanging out, we're all having a drink and my friend, my friend was hitting on Cheney so hard and he was absolutely oblivious.

What the fuck is wrong with Cheney? She was hitting so, she was like, oh, Cheney's so cute, hitting so hard on him. And Cheney was just going, oh, how are you going? How's your day? And she was like really, I think she was like jerking you off at one point, and you were like saying, oh, yeah, this is where I get my comedy ideas from. Thanks for supporting live comedy. And she was like like, really frustrated,

and I was, like, overhearing this going, oh, man, I've got to get to Cheney. I've got to fix this situation. Here comes Hitch. Here comes Kevin James. You've heard of Cupid, meet Stupid. So I sneak around to Jenny and go, Man, Jenny, this girl's so sweet on you.

You didn't realise it. Sweet on you, yeah. Did this story take place last year or 1952? It's been a while. It's been a while. You can't ask her out for a malt, you idiot. I've only been talking to my mum for 12 months. And it wasn't me, it was Mickey Rooney playing me.

Breakfast at Chenifee's. So I come around to you and I'm like, man, you've got to go around there and talk to this girl. She thinks you're really cute. You're sending shivers down her gams. You didn't even realise this and you're like, oh, what? What? And I'm like, man, you've got to go and talk what what what and i'm like man you got to go and talk to her and i'm like pushing you over there go and talk to her and you're like oh should i be

doing is this what i'd do what should i do this and so i've basically forced you over there and then you thanks for helping me have sex for the first time you're absolutely giving dumb cunt virgin vibes out for I'm sure. And then Carl came over. He was giving me tips, whispering. I was like, fine, I'll jack you off. I just need to know that you got action tonight. Yeah, yeah.

I just want to break the seal. So you go over there and you're like very stiffly and awkwardly going, oh, hi. Yeah. Hi. Okay. And then she's giving you nothing. This girl's giving you nothing. Oh, so I was punked. Yeah. No, no, no. off with it. Okay, and then she's giving you nothing. This girl's giving you nothing.

Oh, so I was punked. Yeah, no, no, no. No, it wasn't punked. It was more like, because I'm watching it going, you know. By the way, I do hate this story. Thank you for giving me humble. She's giving you nothing, and I'm watching it going, oh, it must be, she must be like,

oh, you had your chance back at the gig. Yeah, yeah. You know, I was all over you there. Now you come, look who's come crawling back. Well, fuck you, Channy. You know, like you had your chance an hour ago. Now, fuck you. It might have been the middle-aged man

who pushed him over to her. She was like, now this is weird to me. Maybe, maybe, maybe. As a finder's fee, I need to be in the room videoing it for my own personal records. And of course, I'm embarrassed by this because I'm like, well, I'm pushing you together. I want to be in the room videoing it for my own personal records. And of course I'm embarrassed by this because I'm like, well, I'm pushing you together. I want to claim the credit as the matchmaker.

You're embarrassed by this. I want a cut of this. If you go home with someone... You get 10% of Jenny's cum. Yes, yes. I want a good percentage of the root. You want to sell my cum on Patreon? So then you're there, you like sort of being nice and like you know conversation she's basically turning her back on you at this

point and then you you sort of get up and go okay all right nice to meet you and you come back and i'm like what happened and you're like i don't know she doesn't she didn't like me or whatever i don't know i don't know what happened fuck. So then I think you left or something. And then the girl who I'd overheard before, I go up to her and go, what happened? What happened with Jenny and your friend? I'm hearing you saying your friend's in love with Jenny and she's cracking on to Jenny. Then I send him over. I send him over.

And then he gets nothing. This is the halftime commentary of my life. There's no way these girls still listen after this series of interactions, after seeing their favourite show live. So then I go to this girl, what happened? What happened with your friend? She was in love with Jenny, then what happened? And then she goes, oh, that's not the same friend. Who could have guessed?

She left like three hours ago. Great, great. So I've just sent Jenny into like Me Too, some random girl. You've done like a Nathan for you, Me Too situation. Nathan for Me Too. So, yeah, but maybe that girl's listening, the one who left. Yeah. And she's like, damn.

Well, none of that happened. It was completely misread. Yeah, I made it all up. And she's like, damn. Well, none of that happened. It was completely misread. Yeah, I made it all up. You went home with three of those girls. I had no sexual thought in my mind. Me and Noxy saw you on Thursday night. I'm actually gay. Now, that's funny.

Save my ass. We saw you the other night, Cheney And we were sitting at a Let me be Chen We were sitting next to a group of I guess young kids Who had, by the looks of it Had turned 18 during lockdown Yeah, had either maybe gone to the pub twice before

They were fresh to being old enough to go out to drink. At this pub, you said that you wanted to get a haircut and you wanted it to be cool. Yeah. Now I'm looking at it. Business casual. I chickened out at the last minute. I said, please make me look neat.

What would cool have been? I was just going to get like faded sides and all the sort of, you know, like just not look like I'm a random person who was auto-generated as a default character when you start a video game. I wish you'd gotten the full like, the full fade. I don't reckon we'd need any other content for this episode. I reckon that'd be an hour of discussing Noxy's fade. The racing stripes in the side.

If the barber had just really fucked you over and gone to town. Yeah, I was going to get the word queen shaved in on the side. As in yass. Yeah, this group of kids,

they were, yeah, they clearly had turned 18 in lockdown, fired up for a big night and they all recognise Aaron Chen and take a huge shine to him. Wow.

Then there's like a... One of them starts yelling like, Channy Lifestyle! Yes. Channy, like your Instagram name. Oh, great. But then half of the people at the table don't believe that it's you. So then the other half are showing them YouTube clips of you.

Right. And then pointing at you. There's like 15 of them as well. There were heaps of people. Wow. Way more than were allowed. Wow. Yeah, pointing at you and going

it's him, it is him. And then one of them gets a photo with you and then they decide they want you in their big group photo commemorating the end of the evening. And so we're watching this happen and then one of them just grabs you on the dick as they're taking the photo. So you've told both stories of the times I've had

sex. Yeah, what is it? It's the Cheney magnetism that just draws people in. Yeah, they were fucking really excited. But watching you get accosted by that kind of drunk, unruly, young guy. First time out of home energy type thing.

Yeah, is that common? Is that your demographic? There's moments that has happened. Yeah. I was livid because I was at the pub and seeing you be like, you know, you haven't been in lockdown since May and then you're getting recognised for being a comedian. I was furious. Getting to eat a pub meal.

Moxie was so keen on a pub meal, but the kitchen closed just as he came back from his cigarette to order. Oh, man. It was unbelievable. I still haven't had one since I've been back, but it's all right. We'll stay open. There won't be a third.

It will be fine. Yeah, we ordered. You and our other friend Ben were having a cigarette, and then you come back and you go, can we order now? And the waiter goes, no, we've closed the kitchen. It's like you've been off work for four months, and this is your first night back

and you're like nah I want to get home and keep watching Peaky Blinders I'm pooped oh well I've eaten before I can eat again yeah

that's good any story related to Aaron is like yeah someone like recognised you or wanted to fuck you and you're just like you were so hungry

but you couldn't even eat this is a notable story about you one time you missed out on a meal. Yeah. But guess what? I have one later. It's fine. But yeah, we're all back

and there's never going to be a third wave and this is podcasting now. Just out in public, in the street, in the dirt, like common animals. Well, you date stamped this before. It's Melbourne Cup Day.

Now, this is... So what's today? November 2nd or 3rd? 3rd. It's Melbourne Cup Day. Now, this is, so what's today? November 2nd or 3rd? 3rd. Was that right? Yeah. So, a couple of days ago on Sunday, so that was the 1st of November. Yep.

I'm going to date stamp all of our stories from now on. Okay, I like this. Yep. It was the day after Halloween. Yes. Famously, November 1st Exactly Halloween Boxing Day It's when all the goblin servants would get their presents

It's where you return all the bad costumes that you don't want anymore No, all the candy, all the shit lollies that you've got You just go back to the house and you're like You got anything else? Can I exchange this for something good? That's good You have to go see the cousins of your spooky family I don't like licorice, can I got anything else? Can I exchange this for something good? That's good. You have to go see like the cousins of your spooky family. Yeah.

I don't like licorice. Can I have something else? So that morning, so I got up. So it's Sunday morning. And it's already, you know, there's not as many people around in Melbourne at the moment because of all the restrictions and all that sort of stuff. So I got up, went for a walk with my family. And it was like about 8.30, 9 o'clock.

And I saw this guy walking sunday morning just by himself no one else on the street full chicken outfit great 9 a.m sunday morning day after halloween and i'm like now what do you think that is what do you think's going on there because my initial thought is that's a walk of shame. Yes. He's gone trick-or-treating in a chicken outfit, fucked someone. Fucked a fellow trick-or-treating. He's knocked on

someone's door and they've gone trick-or-treat and they've gone trick. I mean treat. There's a third option. I'm dressed as a rooster, you're dressed as a chicken, why don't we? Yeah, well, you know, if you're inside your house, you don't traditionally dress up. You can.

On Halloween, it's one of the... One of the allowed times. One of the main days for dressing up, I'd say. If anything, seeing a guy in a chicken costume the day after Halloween is one of the most explainable things you could ever hope to see. But not at 9am in the morning. This guy clearly... like it looked... He'd been somewhere overnight, for sure.

It looked like a walk of shame. And the other thing is, it's not like heaps of people are going to the pub. There's no big Halloween party where people are just going crazy or anything like that. I think... Not at houses, but like all the pubs and stuff are pretty back on it. You can only fit 10 people. You can fit 10 people in a park as well, though.

People are having Halloween parties in parks Park party, yeah, because I did think that being at the pub where you're just sitting the whole time So you're not moving around, you're not mingling. Being a single person at the moment there's not, you know, you wouldn't have the opportunity to be like bumping into people You're very stuck in your

group. But then outside of pubs you're allowed like 50 people And then with 50 people, if you can't fuck one of them, then you need to go home. It's just a numbers game to me. But also, having a dress-up thing in a park is weird. But then I guess, if you're that into Halloween, what else

are you going to do? Also, you're saying that into a microphone recording a podcast in a park. Parks are where people are doing things right now. Yeah, it was 11am, I saw four dudes with microphones sitting around a bench. We're all losers dressed as pod right now. Yeah, it was 11am, I saw four dudes with microphones sitting around a bench. They're all losers dressed as podcasters. Yeah, yeah. This to me is a walk of shame.

I'm still in my Halloween Marc Maron costume. Yeah. So, man, I'm like, fuck, I just wish I knew the backstory of this guy, because I'm like, if this guy picked up whilst trick-or-treating, that's the dream. Like, that's a crazy story. I thought no one trick-or-traded this year in Melbourne. Well, on top of that.

Kids are allowed to for some... Like, they did it individual streets or something like that. To pick up on... For all costumes. You know, you can have sexy costumes. This guy's picked up in a chicken outfit. Yeah. That's insane.

Not only is it not sexy, it's just like there's like no effort put into it. It's not like an interesting, funny pop culture thing. It's just literally I've dressed up as an animal. It's like this man's brain is just a blank slate. Not a shred of creativity to him. As someone who physically looks like just the natural human equivalent of a chicken costume though.

You do look a bit like Foghorn Leghorn. Dude, if you were going to draw a cartoon, they go out in the middle like this. It's not that... Your personality can count for a lot. That's what I'm saying. It's what comes out of the beak. But you just go as Foghorn Leghorn.

Immediately, that's like elevated 100 points up from just chicken. This is a character. You can do the voice. You've got to do the voice right now. I'm not dressed as Foghorn Legally. No, no, the other voice. The one you were doing

off mic. Do Jenny's voice. Alright, my name's Loghorn Faghorn or whatever letters they reckon they get the wrong way round. So you don't think it was Whatever letters they reckon they get the wrong way round. So you don't think it was possible that it was at the pub or at a park session.

You reckon it has to have been trick or treating. I didn't think. I didn't think of this. That's a wild assumption. Well, it can't be the pub. It's a shame that you landed on trick because you don't know how far I will go for a trick. It can't be the pub because this is nine in the morning. So he hasn't fallen asleep at the pub. No, but I mean picked up.

Like he could have picked up at the pub. It's definitely harder at the moment. Yeah, but I guess that's what I hope was. That's what I hope happened. To trick or treat. To just open the door and meet someone, have a bit of conversation and then go, why don't you come in? There are heaps of lollies in here. Or even, it's like, yeah, you strike up a conversation with the person

handing the lollies out and they're like, man, I'm feeling a real connection here. I've never wanted to sleep with someone so immediately in my life. I'd love to invite you in, but I've already had my allocated visitor during the day and I'm pretty strict on the rules at the moment. But that's people that you're allowed in. How many chickens are you allowed in? Yes, I found a loophole. They're all dressed as chickens because they're like, technically, we're a battery farm.

Yes. I've just got a new pet. I'm not sucking off a stranger. I'm sucking off my chicken. If we go back into lockdown, this is the loophole. You can come around to my house to podcast, but you each have to be dressed as a different animal. You're allowed to fuck if you're a chicken. That's not cum, that's Kiev.

What if that guy got delivered by Uber Eats? It's just not cooked properly yet. Yeah, yeah, fuck if you're a chicken. Like, that's not cum, that's Kiev. Oh, what if that guy got delivered by Uber Eats? Oh, it's just not cooked properly yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is my dinner. That's why he's in my mouth. Getting salmonella from his dick. The cop's coming around and it's just like me with like 15 people in my house all dressed like different animals and then I'm

dressed up like Dr. Doolittle in the middle conducting this finagery. Like, no, I'm just, you know, I'm just having a fun time with my four-legged friends. Yeah, yeah. Also, that's almost like it's trying to handicap you. Like, that's some guy like going, it's too easy to pick up. You know what?

I'm going to pick up in a chicken outfit. Like, the daggiest, the dumbest outfit, the least sexiest outfit. Also, you're dressed as a female animal as well, on top of everything else. That's the worst bit. It's rather masculine. You're not trying to pick up a woman dressed

as a masculine, beefy rooster. It's a chicken. Now that you say it, that sounds pretty fucking good. It does. Big, muscly rooster. Like Foggle and Leghorn. Like Adam Knox himself. Yeah. Beefy rooster. You got Adam hungry. Sorry.

You're missing out on another meal right now. So this is one of those interactions where it's like, David's saying that you didn't... Just a full stare. Wow. How's it going? Didn't break eye contact for a second. What podcast are you doing?

There's four of them. That could be us, boys. Yeah, he's got three dogs. Well, that's what he's seeing. We're three guys dressed up as dogs. One guy. Yeah, yeah. Men that he's going to fuck dress as dogs.

It's a guy. We didn't explain it to people at home. It's a man walking a weird bunch of dogs. I assume he's a professional dog walker. It seems as though he's a dog walker. Yeah. But he walked from the path that's maybe 30 metres away until he was here, did not break eye contact with me.

Right. He's a man, he's a professional dog walker that's wearing a shirt that says champion, which I would dispute that. If anything, he's losing the race to those dogs. They're way out in front. He's headed toward the merch stand as well, so he might be getting a replacement shirt as well.

Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, you weren't tempted to just, like, get your wife to wait with the child for a second and go, I'm sorry, I've got to go ask this man in the chicken costume because he's just had sex. I took pictures of him, don't worry. Did you really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck yeah. So I was like, fuck, I. He's just had sex. I took pictures of him. Don't worry. Did you really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fuck yeah. So I was like, fuck, I would love to know the story. And then I watched him as he, and that was the other thing that I was like, well, you definitely, it's 9am, you haven't got up and put on a chicken outfit as your first thing of the day. No. This is like, you've stayed somewhere that's not your home. You're on your way home from somewhere.

Because then also he walked past a pub that was across the road from me and like tried to get in the pub at, like, 9am. I'm like, well, that's the shame that some of us had a big night and just was like, fuck, let's just keep going. The owner of the pub above it going like, oh, he's come back to roost. Who knew this would happen?

You've got to put that photo out and be like, have you seen this man? He's not missing. We just want to know if you had sex with him on Halloween. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Has anyone seen or fucked this man?

Yeah. Yeah, totally. In Richmond, it was in Richmond, unless it was a massive walk-on. But I'd like to think... Well, we know that he lives 25 kilometres away from Richmond. He should have dressed as like a seagull so he could fly. Chickens are flightless.

Oh, yeah. It's the worst one. It takes ages to get anywhere. That makes sense. So if you're out there, if you have any information about this chicken, let us know. I'll give you...

50 bucks says that next time you have Kappa on, he'll be like, yeah, fuck somebody, the chicken. Well, that explains why he's walking home. Kappa wouldn't have sprung for an Uber or anything like that. I just noticed as well, my Kappa impression is basically my foghorn leghorn. I'll say, I'll say, I'll say something stupid. I'll say, I'll say, I'll say, where's your shower?

Because I ain't going to use it. Oh, that wind's back. That wind is back, baby. Yeah, so have you guys walked past any men in animal outfits in the last week? Trying to think. I didn't really see. I didn't see anyone in Halloween. I mean, I feel like.

Have you ever done Halloween? Have you ever trick or treated? I did when I was. Yeah, when I was like 13 or so. Went trick or treating in the streets around my parents' house. And then one house, they didn't give us any lollies, so we went and got eggs and we egged the house. Right.

And then we only lived like across... The fact that you could afford to buy eggs but didn't just buy yourself lollies. If you wanted them. That would be a good present for trick-or-treating. It's like, here's your treat, some eggs, so you can egg that house next door. That's why the chicken's such a good costume for trick-or-treating. I didn't egg your house. It was an embarrassing accident.

I'm sorry. I ate some off chicken the night before and those eggs were my diary. I dressed as... I went to a Halloween party when I was maybe 21 and I forgot that it was a Halloween party. Everyone else was wearing a costume.

It was a big everyone has to wear a costume type of party. So I turned all my clothes around backwards and I was like, I'm backwards, man. That's my costume for today. And when we got to the party, I was like, I have to walk in backwards. Otherwise, the costume's nothing. So I walked in backwards

and immediately tripped over and knocked over a guy in a wheelchair who was right next to the door. To be fair, to be further away, but, and I walked backwards a fair distance, but like fully,

fully knocked him out of it. I can't remember what he was dressed as. Maybe he was, hopefully he was dressed as a guy in a wheelchair. Yeah, yeah. And he was fine. My clothes are backwards and my attitudes to the differently abled are backwards as well.

Get the fuck out of here. Out of my way, toots. I'm all backwards today. That is the opposite of you, because as normal, Noxy, walking forwards, I've never seen you, you know, harm the disabled. No. If I turn around, though, all bets are off. I'm swinging. I'm saying

the N word. Maybe someone else, was there someone else that had dressed as backwards man that had already come in, and that guy was actually not dressed as a disabled man, but the first backwards man had made him disabled. Yeah, luckily someone else had dressed as backwards man that had already come in and that guy was actually not dressed as a disabled man, but the first backwards man had made him disabled. Yeah, luckily someone else had a costume wheelchair and they're like, I guess you're going to have it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, he was like, he said he played for... How many compliments did you get? Yeah, everybody clapped. So did you keep up the backwards thing for the entire night? That was pretty much the end of it. I was going to say, imagine you're so dedicated you end up picking up, you go home with someone and you're like, fuck, how am I going to do

this? Backwards, just like lying on top of her, just like with your back trying to be like, I don't know how to get this to work. I'm devoted to the character. You've got to fuck me in the ass. I'm backwards, man. He ended up being a dick, luckily. But he was like talking about how... Oh, phew.

Yeah, he was complaining about me knocking him over, not picking him up. I was like, get up, and he wouldn't. And he kept saying, like, ow, ow. Give me a go of the chair. No. Oh, you can't. Trying to get people to carry him down the stairs.

We're trying to have fun, mate. He kept talking about how he... Shooting a bag. Rude rude we can smell that mate again what year do you think it is he was talking about how he'd fucked kesha and he like played on a basketball team i don't know is that is that real yeah well it's what he said right i don't know if he'd fucked kesha right but that's pretty great if you're in a wheelchair, just having a wild claim like that. Yeah.

Because no one's going to go, this wheelchair guy's a bit of a cunt, and I reckon he's making it up. Except for me. On a podcast 10 years later. Years later, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe I'm two degrees of separation away from Kesha now.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, right. Pretty cool. Yeah. Got any questions about Kesha for me? What was she like in bed? Yeah, I don't know. Probably all right. Yeah. Probably fine. Yeah. I've got any questions about ketchup for me? I don't know. What was she like in bed? Yeah, I don't know.

Probably all right. Yeah. Probably fine. Yeah. I like, well, nevermind. Nevermind.

I couldn't think of any joke to do with that, that I wouldn't have then been, had to message Tommy and be like, can you delete that bit? The bit where I say, I fuck ketchup. Yeah. This is the first one in a while, not over Zoom,

where I'm having to do just fucking hours of minute trimming and editing. So whatever you say, boys, it's staying in the mix. I'm doing nothing to this one. I don't think I've ever dressed up again since then either. Either in a suit or... Yeah, I was trying to think, because I don't think we did trick-or-treating in Maribor at all. I think it was that thing

where I was a kid you'd see it on cartoons and movies and go, oh, we should do that. And then it's like, if you did that in a small country town where Halloween is not a thing,

you are getting bashed at every door. Yeah. Just going up to people that don't even know what Halloween is going. Can I have lollies? How about this?

Bang. Yeah, Maribor strikes me as the sort of place where you get beaten up if you wear an ironed shirt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know had you would get yelled at from moving cars like so much like i was sort of disappointed in when i moved to other towns where i'm like isn't doesn't that happen all the time it's like no it's sort of just like a real maryborough like yeah like

lots of it in other places people think it's, yeah. I remember feeling like I wanted it to be a thing. Like it wasn't really a thing. But feeling like me and my friends just have to start doing this. And then we'll kick it off in the neighborhood. And like if we do, if we're part of it, we can build this. And then, so this is like. You're talking about Halloween, not like yelling from cars. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, getting. So just like, we would go to... That'd be much better if you didn't, if you're a kid and you tried to combine the two, you're going door to door yelling at people in houses

on foot. Trick or treat, fuck it! It was a bit like that because you'd knock on the door and so many people are just like, what? And we'd be like,

oh, it's this thing Halloween where you go trick or treating and you know, you have to give us lollies now. Yeah. And they'd be like, oh, go see what I've got in the pantry

and they'd give you like a muesli bar or something. If you're kick-starting it, yeah, you're, you have to give us lollies now. Yeah. And they'd be like, oh, go see what I've got in the pantry. Exactly, yeah. And they'd give you, like, a muesli bar or something. If you're kick-starting it, yeah, you're forcing it on people. People don't have anything to give you. There would be maybe, like, one house in our whole kind of little neighbourhood that would be like, oh, yeah, we thought this might happen, so, yeah, we've got a bag of party mix here, here's a snake, and then everyone else was just like, oh, yeah, here's a fucking stock cube or, like, whatever.

Yeah, yeah, even, like, you're making enemies. You're making enemies with other kids because it's like, oh yeah, here's a fucking stock cube or whatever. Yeah, even like, you're making enemies. You're making enemies with other kids because it's like, okay, well I bought this bag of Milky Ways for my son, but I guess you can have them instead. What the fuck? Who are these cunts? Yeah, you can have my son's diabetes medicine. That's the closest thing to a lolly I have in here.

He'll be fine. You have this cough medicine. But the house that we egged for not having anything, they then... Wait, so you egged this house for not having anything during a time when you were aware that people were not into Halloween? On average, most houses don't have anything. You have to set a precedent.

A message for the other houses. I can't remember the exact... Yeah, it was something along those lines, but then they... Because, you know, they knew us. So we egg it and we think we've pulled off the heist ofist of the century yeah but you've just knocked on their door five minutes ago yeah yeah they literally treat us they follow us back to my house where we were hiding out a knock on the door and then like dragged us back to their house and we had to like clean up clean up all the egg stuff no way to like scrub the yeah fuck yeah that's great you deserved it

it was one of those things where like where for the next couple of years, I was like, every time I'd walk past that house, just be seething like, these cunts. And then a couple of years on, you get that perspective where you're like, nah, good on them. They're in the right. Look at this. There's a mosquito trying to eat the microphone

that I'm holding right now. It's sucking from the microphone. Sucking content out. So am I. I'm sucking on the microphone. Look at that. He's fully in it. I love that they followed. The mosquito's going from the microphone. Sucking content out. So am I. I'm sucking on the microphone. Look at that. He's fully in it. I love that they followed.

The mosquito's going to start bombing. Welcome into the little dum-dum club. Do you know what it's like being small? I love that they followed you back to your house after that. Because that implies that you left some sort of trail of eggs as you were walking home. I think they just knew where we lived. They just knew us because it was like,

it was our street and the street behind us. It was like everyone knew each other. So, you know, you'd have like these joint, like the two streets would have like the street Christmas party every year. So everyone kind of knew who everyone else was. So they just like saw us immediately. There's not too many kids in the neighbourhood. If you heard a bang, I killed the bus.

Also, there was a bottle cap on this bench, like a Carlton lid, because obviously people were drinking in the park. Do you want to hear the fucking fun, you know how they have fun little questions under a Carlton bottle cap? Let's do this fun question that they've put for an enjoyable night of drinking with your friends. Who did James Earl Ray assassinate? The answer? Martin Luther King.

Well, I'd say it would have been more fun if we had a chance of guessing. I don't reckon you'd have guessed. Man, that is bizarre to bring up. Especially, presumably a few beers deep. Then that leading into a discussion about MLK.

Exactly, they're meant to be fun little conversation starters. Jesus Christ. What does BLM stand for? But that is a sign that you've made it. If you just didn't get killed, you got assassinated. That's something for your parents. Yeah, I guess so. I was big enough to get assassinated.

Not everyone. Like, none of us could probably. Oh, Cheney, you'd be the closest. If you're getting recognised in pubs You could be assassinated, maybe By like a soccer fan, maybe If it was a soccer fan, that's an assassination Yeah Gonna do to you what you did to Australian televised soccer, mate

We just, I mean, if we get killed We don't make the news You could possibly make the news, Jenny, off the back of that. Because they could show file footage. Thanks for saying that. Yeah, yeah. Congratulations. Yeah, they've got that archival footage that they can play.

Yeah, I mean, us getting killed, that's about 200 or 300 likes on Facebook. Fuck, we'd be lucky to make Chortle. Yeah. People would make fun of it. Even deep within the world of comedy, we'd be lucky to get a run on the blogs, I reckon. It'd be like a photo of the bullet that went into your head and someone would comment underneath, oh, how'd you get that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'd be that. Podcast hosts assassinated. Everything is not Rick. I tried to shoot Crunchy. I don't know living. The total headline would be Little D-dum club pauses. Who'd be first with a tribute?

Well, I think what it would really mean was I think our Patreon would go down by a lot straight away. That'd be the big movement. You can always count on a few people who don't check their account. Like, you know, I'm still paying for Spotify when I haven't opened the app in like a year. I just keep forgetting to cancel the subscription. So you could always count on a few posthumous donations rolling in. Sure. What do you need it for, though?

You're dead. No, I'm just disputing that it would drop immediately. I might level out because with you, it's like, well, who's this going to? But with me, they know that there's a kid. So maybe. Yeah, that's true. Maybe it'll be okay., who's this going to? But with me, they know that there's a kid. So maybe. Yeah, that's true. Maybe it'll be okay. Yeah.

That's what we want you to do, folks. Yeah. If we get assassinated this week, don't let the Patreon subscriptions last. Exactly. Yeah. I've got mouths to feed. Mail cash to the PO box. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, totally. Well, yeah, speaking of costumes and whatnot, this is something that came up on a Patreon episode that we did just recently that we were both like, this is such a good idea. This should be on the main feed. Yes. You remember what this is? Yes, absolutely.

Yeah. So this was, we were talking about cameo. We were going through cameo. And I can't remember exactly how this came up. I think we were talking about like, I bought for your birthday, I bought a bunch of cameos, and one of them, like, real people, and then one of them was, like,

the Anchorman impersonator, and he was the most expensive out of all of them. He sucked. Yeah. He was terrible. And we were joking about it, and you started doing impressions, and I'm like,

man, you should be an impressionist, because I think you're quite a good impressionist. Not amazing, but good enough to do that. But, see, I don't like that pressure. So then I think the idea was me going on cameo as Tommy Daslow, the bad impressionist. The bad impressionist. So I'm under no obligation to feel like I have to have done a good job. No one can ever dispute the video and ask for their money back. Because I'm just like, does what it says on the tin.

And also, I think that that's... What if your impression's too good? Well... Well, the thing is, I think there's a gap in the mark because there's impressionists on there, but there's no bad impressionist. So that's... Because I got the one for you. I paid $70 or $80

for a bad impressionist because I looked at the clip and went, that's bad. He hasn't said he's bad, but it is bad. Yeah, yeah. And like, we want people... Because a lot of the time, it's like, you don't necessarily want a spot on Ron Burgundy. Yeah. You want one that's fucked that you can laugh at.

Yes. That's more fun than just having a like, wow, he really does the voice. They make Christmas cracker jokes deliberately bad so the family can bond. And that's why I always suggest families come to my comedy family. I'm glad you said that because I was about to go in straight after. Moxie's once a year show, December 25th. Bring the whole family. Moxie's Christmas cracker cavalcade.

You'll get little crowns and you'll hate them. That's actually such a great idea for a show. You and a little paper crown just doing deliberately shit jokes. A family gathered around in sweaters. Why bother with the paper crown? Again, I've just been doing it for ages that's my thing

but yeah me on Cameo is the bad and precious now I've the brutal thing is I guess it's different if you're big enough but you have to kind of like

contact Cameo to get on there I've done that oh great I've touched base now I didn't want to set up my profile yet in case

I didn't want to have it sitting there for too long before we could talk about it on the show. In case someone at Cameo goes, what the fuck is this? And take it down. But I will have it up and running by the time this is out. And who knows how quickly they might shut me down. I don't know.

I don't know. But if you want a bad impression... Can you give us a bit of a... Can we make requests? Can we do anyone? Yeah. Aaron Chen. Yeah.

Okay. Hi, I'm Aaron Chen. Make it bad. I'm here at the soccer. I'm here watching the soccer. See, that's very bad. That is quite bad. Doesn't sound anything like him.

That is sure. Doesn't sound anything like him. Okay. All right. All right. See, no one can punk me and go, you know, I'll do this nationality and put it on. Because it's like. You're buying black and gold tuna or whatever.

Like, oh, it doesn't taste very good. But like, yeah, you chose that. That's your fault. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What should I charge? I haven't thought about it yet. What about Donald Trump?

Lots of people are saying, folks, this is the best episode Lou Dum Dum loves. Great, great. Could you do an impression, because I've always wanted to see this for years. Would you do an impression of my parents saying that they love me? Lots of people are saying

Adam Knox is the best song we've ever had, folks. You should see this guy. Wow, Donald Knox. this guy. Wow. Donald Knox. I didn't know. I welled up a little. I love you, Dad. Who's voting for Trump now? He's voting for Trump now.

I need to get a citizenship in the next 12 hours. Well, he will either be president again or not president anymore by the time this is over. So maybe I should work on a Biden just in case. Who's some public figures that we can get you to do right now who's some yeah think of this as my show reel

yeah exactly we need a show reel maybe Barack Obama oh yeah Barack Obama and it's Cheney's birthday yeah I'm Barack Obama

and happy birthday Aaron Chen I love you Aaron Chen my son yeah and this is from me I can tell from I bought this. I've got your birth certificate right here.

Happy birthday. Oh, wow. Wow. That's funny. A little gag at the end. Yeah, we need a bit of... It's really bad. We need that.

We need a gag in there. It can't be just straight. We need a bit of a gag in there. That's guaranteed with every bad impression from Tommy, the bad impressionist. Well, yeah, I guess we should do, like like the default impressions that people do, you know? Like, so can you do Christopher Walken? Oh, yes.

Christopher Walken and I've just been circumcised. Congratulating me on that. Or commiserations for the circumcision. I truly can't remember how Christopher Walken sounds. Well, that's going to make it real hard for you to do this impression that you need to do now. Okay, well, I can't remember how Christopher Walken sounds, but in my head when I'm trying to picture him, I'm just picturing Al Pacino.

So here we go. No. I'm Christopher Walken. Hoo-ha. They cut off Carl Chandler's dick. Hoo-ha. He's got a great dick. Hoo-ha.

I'm Christopher Walken. Oh, man. Okay, Arnold Schwarzenegger is congratulating Cheney on losing his virginity to that man in the pub who touched his dick. Great, great, great. Aaron, get to Aaron's penis now. It's not a handjob. I can hear that impression echoing off of the MCG.

Echoing through the MCG. So technically, my Arnie impression has appeared at the MCG. You've performed at halftime at the Little Dum Dum Club. Yeah. I'll be back to suck on Aaron Chen's penis. Thanks for getting that for me, Adam. That's all right, man. Happy birthday.

Jenny's cleaning up. Jenny's cleaning up with these. You can use that as your answering message on your phone now. That's pretty cool. Yeah. Okay. Those are the big... I think Arnie... Yeah, I need to work on that.

One more. Can I request one more? Christopher Walken. Yeah. Well, slightly. Unless that was Christopher Walken's impression of Al Pacino. Yeah. In which case, Christopher Walken's not a very good impressionist either.

I haven't seen him in... This man, Kyle Chandler. There we go. He's getting his very good impressionist either. I haven't seen him in... This man, Carl Chandler. There we go. He's getting his dick cut off. Yeah. There we go. There we go. That's a bad impression.

I mean, I knew... Yeah, it is a bad impression. That's a good impression. But getting wrong, like, what a circumcision is. Yes, yes. How about this impression of Al Pacino, but he loves the outdoor program at MICF. I can't wait to see the big hoo-ha.

Okay. Feel free to request super inside baseball and obscure references, folks. I'll do them all. All right. This is Arnold Schwarzenegger doing an impression of. Hang on. Are you requesting this or are you doing it yourself? Oh, so I request?

Sorry, this is just really bugging me. The Big Hoo-Ha is an improv group. It's not the Comedy Festival's outdoor program. I have no idea. Who are the Big Hoo-Ha? The Big Hoo-Ha are an improv group. You're thinking of the Big Laugh-Out. The Big Laugh-Out.

Shouts out to the Big Hoo-Ha. Can you do Arnold Schwarzenegger Doing an impression of me Having a break from comedy In November And what would Arnold Schwarzenegger say You get it The thing he says all the time

It's because I suck at comedy I'm doing this for my mental health. I'll be back. Yeah, there we go. That's the one I wanted. Can I ask one more? Can I ask one more, maybe? Yeah.

Okay. A shout out to... Do a Patreon subscriber read for our podcast for someone called Mr. Comedy. Okay. And it's from Jerry Seinfeld. Jesus Christ. What's the deal with this guy, Mr. Comedy? You got a Mr. You've got a comedy.

It's like, which one is it? That's terrific. There we go. Thank you. Have you ever noticed how people are only attractive when their age ends in the word teen? Yeah, there we go. There we go. What I love about your impression there was, his name's Mr. Comedy. Which one is it? Mr. or Comedy.

It's funny stuff. You've got to choose one. You're supposed to be like, you should be called. Mr. or comedy. Yeah, it's funny stuff. It's funny stuff. I mean, he's the king. Like, you've got to choose one. Yeah, he's the king. You're supposed to be like, no, you should be called just Mr. Yeah, well, I mean, this is the kind of stuff

they did. You know, it's like we're around the table at Monks at the moment. Yeah, yeah. It's a show about nothing. That's some classic 80s comedy right there.

So get on there, folks. That's what you can get for Price Unnamed if you go onto the Cameo and look for Tommy Daslow, the bad impressionist. The bad impressionist. Yeah. And the hope is that this really takes off for me,

and then by the time things are opened back up again in Melbourne, I can do an hour of the bad impressionist live, where people are just yelling these out. I doubt that, because by the time we asked you to do the fifth impression, you said, oh, fucking Jesus. I love the idea of just my whole day being these. Too busy to do anything else, just in my

house, back to back to back. This will be a problem, though. If you do it for too long, you'll start getting good at the impressions. Good point. So you can't do too many impressions of the same person in a row. Or you can just say one of each person only. Oh, that's good. Either that or you start just practicing being bad at them.

Yeah. That's not a bad idea though, Cheney. So it's like I can only do one of every impression. It's like a version. Yeah. And then as a result, they're $1,000 each. Because you're going to own the only Tommy Dasolo Donald Trump cameo. Yeah.

The only Borat one I've done. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. That's not bad. You've done. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. That's not bad. You're right. It's like a draft. It's like an impressionist draft.

Yeah. You can only draft one person. Not everyone can draft. Yeah. What other things are there where the more you practice at it, the worse it actually makes you at it? You know what I mean? The more I'm doing this.

Yeah. What comedy? Yeah. There we go. I repeat the same joke. There we go. My, comedy. Yeah, yeah. There we go. I repeat the same joke. There we go. My bad, comedy. I guess there isn't anything.

Okay, so get in quick, folks. That's what we're trying to say. Get in while the gettings are really bad. Yeah, yeah. Where are you going to go? I mean, you can't charge too much for a bad impressionist. And also, you want people to do it. I think you it pay people

it's not bad if i'm standing here at the front of the mcg with a sign saying we'll do bad impressions yeah for food that'd be great to do a reverse cameo where people send you money and then you like you have a thing i'm going like can i come to your house yeah or send you a message please yeah or you can pay money you go here, I'm currently, I'm supposed to do a happy birthday one for Aaron Chan, but if you give me 20 bucks, I won't do it. It just cancels it out. You cancel out other people's birthday presents. You've invented blackmail.

Yeah, what do you reckon? Yeah, 30? Oh, that's way too much. Too much? Jesus Christ. I reckon you could make it $10. What are people charging? What's the normal on there?

You know, look, that's the interesting thing about being on Cameo is you get to see that sliding scale of, you know, famous people and what they charge depending on how famous they are or depending on how famous they think they are. Yeah. I remember now what we were saying when we talked about this on the Patreon episode, which I can't set this as a price, but the idea should be if that person is on Cameo, I do it for 50% of their price.

Oh, right. So Snoop Dogg is like $900. So hey, if you want a bad Snoop Dogg, I'll do it for $450. Go on, man. And for that price, I'll wear the makeup. I don't care. Right. So if there's someone that needs it.

For $450. For $450. End my life and career. I'll wear the makeup I don't care Great So if you If there's someone 450 bucks 450 bucks End my life And career That's Tommy's price For blackface Everyone's got a price Right

Which means If we find some Like you know Black actor That's like 10 bucks On there You'll do the blackface For five

Oh fuck I didn't think of that I forgot there's people Other than Snoop Dogg On there Some guy You. I forgot there's people other than Snoop Dogg on there. Some guy on... You forgot there's other black people apart from Snoop Dogg. Yeah. Some guy that was on CSI Miami

ten years ago. Me doing that for a cool $2. This doesn't even cover the cost of the makeup. Oh, but it is in American money, so it is a bit more. It's like $3 or $4. The Jackson Jive are on there for $0.75. Oh, but it is in American money, so it is a bit more. It's like $3 or $4.

The Jackson Jive are on there for $0.75. Tommy's only scope of black culture is the ads on commercial TV. He only knows the black people who have promoted Uber Eats. When he thinks of black people, he just thinks of someone who's bringing him his food at night. Jesus Christ. Anyway, folks. What's Snoop? Cameo.com slash thebadimpressionist.

20 bucks? Oh, man. 10. I reckon 10, but that's me. I'm going to get a lot. Because I'm looking for volume. I'm looking for... That's true.

I want you to do a bunch. Plus, a cameo is only quite short. You're only recording for 10, 15 seconds for each of them, right? I could knock them all out in one sitting. Also, I love the idea that they can get a cameo from me and you on Dumio on our website for $40. But for you to do a bad impression,

it's only $10. So someone could probably request that you do a bad impression of the little Dum Dum Club and get it for a quarter of the price. It's more fun if they're bigger pop culture figures. You know what I mean? A bad impression of the Dum Dum Club is just when someone listens to it for the first time. Very nice.

That dog walker. Alright, so now we're all bad at comedy apart from Cheney at the moment. Yeah. He's the only one who's been allowed to do it. This is the dream. And part of the conditions are going to have to be you're okay with me playing the video that I've done for you on this. If we could just have a... Oh, yeah.

Hopefully I can play some highlights. Yeah, okay. If I can just get an hour of them, then that's an episode for me. Yeah, and then we can have a lot of guests on the show and we don't have to book anyone. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly.

Great. That's good. All right. Here's bad Nick Cody and... Yeah. book anyone. Exactly. Great. That's good. All right. Well, yeah. Here's bad Nick Cody and... Yeah. Yeah, fucking planes, cunt.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Platman, gold, virgin, Qantas, or a bad hotel. I don't talk about it much.

Anyone who doesn't fly virgin is a virgin, I reckon. Froths. Yeah, anyway, visit cameo.com. Look for Tommy Dassler, the bad impressionist,

and I think you'll find him very good. We'll put up links on the social media. I like a blowjob. My girlfriend. I don't like labels. Someone I'm seeing. Very average. Oh, this is good stuff.

If I buy a mankini and I'm just wearing that for all of the impressions that I do. So doing a Donald Trump with a Borat mankini on. Just wearing bright green undies and a singlet. A bright green bikini, like top. That's pulled down to your balls. To stretch around that way. Do top. Yeah. Yeah. That's pulled down to your balls. Just stretch around that way. Do it. Do it now.

Oh, man, I'm so looking forward to this. All right, we'd better wrap it up for another week on the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Aaron Chan, Adam Knox, thank you for joining us. Thanks for having us. Where do we see you? You've got your Inside Aaron series that you made at the start of all this madness.

You came back from the States and you had to quarantine for two weeks. I was getting up looking forward to every episode. That was fun to do. I think I was requesting going man, it's not up yet. Where is it? Where's the new app? 14 and done. It was so stressful. Yeah, you did it for all of lockdown.

All 14 days. That's what made me do it. Check that days. Do it. Check that out. Noxy, you've got Filthy Casuals. Yeah, yeah. That's with you. That's a podcast. And Ooze Spooky is another one that you can listen to with a couple of other comedians where we talk about

what we've been doing while we've been in lockdown because we're recording it over the internet, doing stories of true ghost stories that people on Reddit think have happened to them. And all of them are fucking crazy people. Great. It's fun. Check that out. Guys, thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next

time. See you next. And they've done it again. Yum, yum, yum. You're right, Tommy. They actually have done it again. They have. You're right. They have. Man, you know what would be nice one day? If, I mean, you know, the boys up front in Little Dum Dum Club, you know, they've done it again.

We're fans. We're always saying it. We're always saying they've done it again. We started this show in tribute of them. When are we going to get the call up? Do you reckon we'll ever get to be guests? Ever get to be guests? Well, I mean, it'd also be nice. I think

we sometimes do often quite good work on Talking Dum Dum. In fact, as much as a fan of the Little Dum Dum Club as I am, I would say some weeks, Talking Dum Dum's a bit better than the Little Dum Dum Club. Some weeks, it would be nice if there was a format where we could be congratulated for having done it again. I feel like

we've done it at least once. We've kicked at least a medium-sized one on several occasions. Do we ever get any acknowledgement? No, but that's our lot in life. Well, do they, I mean, what are we expecting to change? I mean, either we get a talking, talking dum-dum behind us for someone to give those sort of compliments to us, or we expect the boys at Little Dum-Dum Club

to foreshadow us kicking a big one. Yes. I think maybe from now on, the Little Dum Dum Club boys should end their episode by saying, thanks for listening. See you, mates. The boys in it talking dum-dum

are about to kick a big one and do it again. Okay. Or, you know, we could do talking dum-dum and then the next week, the Little Dum Dum Club is all about the previous week's Talking Dum Dum. Okay. Okay. All right.

We've got a few options. Yeah. All I'm saying is, you know, they have guests on every week. Yeah. Why not us? Yeah. Like you said, everything you said, we've kicked big ones. And without any help, without any assistance.

And also, you'd like to think you know in the old days of like uh you know like network sort of late shows on in american tv you know you'd have letterman on and then uh like at 11 30 and then conan at 12 30 well sometimes conan would be a guest 11 30 it's in their best interest to sort of go help the big guys yeah it's in their best interest to sort of pop in a bit early and go, hey, we've got this thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's on later.

Stick around afterwards. It's all the same production company, all the same network. You know, exactly the same deal with us. Yeah. You know? And like you said, I mean, the no guests thing is an interesting point. I mean, you see a one-man band on the street, right? Now, sure.

Is his music as good as the Stones or the Beatles? Probably not. But you've got to give it up for the fact that there's one of him. He's doing it all by himself. You know, he's not being padded out with all this other rot. Something to think about. But yes, they have done it again

and, you know, well, I mean, it feels appropriate to ask this, given that, as we discussed on the episode, we were sitting right near the hallowed turf of the MCG. Yeah, exactly. We actually, similar to the MCG, we got them to bring out a little bit of grass from the MCG and just bring it out to the park adjacent to the MCG for us to sit and podcast on.

Yeah, they kicked a big one. yep um roosted one into the mcg from where we were standing um yeah it was a good episode i think yeah i think sounds good yeah just listen back to it um it was yeah it's different isn't it? Sure is. Yeah. Human contact after four months and also doing it outside. Yeah. Very strange. Bit of fun though. Something to talk about. I did. It did make me miss the live ones, I have to say.

Being in the park. Yeah. It did because there was like a slight small audience walking by and I was like, oh, if only we were like, you know, talking about this to other people or whatever. That person walking away from us made you think like, that could be one of our audience walking up to the bar, ignoring what we're doing. They're just there as a venue to drink.

They don't really care what's going on on stage. It reminded me of Koh Samui. It reminded me of just like... The swim ups. Yeah. The swim outs. People walking along the beach Past us And like just looking And going what the fuck's this

But then again Everything's reminding me Of Koh Samui at the moment I'm aware I've seen evidence of that It'd be nice It'd be nice Going anywhere would be nice

Oh man Fucking heaps of things Would be nice at the moment Speaking of things that are nice As you heard in the episode You can As of today As we're recording this

It didn't exist When we did the episode, but it does now. Cameo.com slash Bad Impressionist. You can get on there. I'm excited. Let's see if Cameo exercise any form of quality control on their platform.

We're about to find out. Wow. How much? How many buckaroonies? I am 20 australian dollars you write yourself i mean i could lower it if i'm not getting the bites that i want i wanted to deter people from just buying me yeah buying it and just you know like we said in the just getting on there and going oh i do one do want to, you know, this guest rooting this guest.

It's like I want, you know, I want actual cultural figures to him. But it's no fun if it's just like, you know what I mean? Oh, do Kappa. Right. You know. So I wanted to make it, you know, just enough to not be like two bucks. It's like anyone can throw in like. You don't want to get rid of, you want to get rid of $10 tie kickers.

Exactly. Exactly. throw in like you don't want to get rid of you want to get rid of ten dollar tire kickers exactly exactly i mean i don't think that 20 oz is really pricing anyone out of the market all that much but um i do like it that it's 20 and that's more than people we probably know doing themselves doing their best you know there are some people on training off their own real name whereas you're going here's some fucked shit. That I'm going to do, that I will do badly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've made sure to put that in the bio.

Right. It will be bad. Oh, can you read the bio out, maybe? Can I... Yeah, you can go look. Are you on the internet at my house? I have the internet. Go to cameo.com slash badimpressionist.

All right. And you can give the people a little report of my profile. Bad impressionist. Yeah. Man, I'm excited. Bad Impressionists. Yeah. Man, I'm excited. It's pretty good. I like that you get your own little URL. Yeah.

I didn't know that that was a function of it until quite recently. I thought it was just, you know, people just... Cameo.com slash Bad Impressionists. Ah, yes. Tommy Dasolo, Bad Impressionists. I do bad impressions. I'll have a crack at anyone. It won't be good though.

That's me doing Bobby De Niro in my profile picture just to give you a little taste. And that's you in a tie-dye shirt with sort of like girls' glasses, sunglasses on and a cap. Just absolutely what Rob De Niro always looks like. Yeah. Look, you know, you've focused on what I'm wearing And you haven't pointed out

The thing that makes it the De Niro impression Is the mouth work Get a load of that and tell me what you think That stacks up I guess I do like it It looks like you do what it says on the tin You don't have to say that you think it looks like Robert De Niro

Do you think For fuck like Robert De Niro. Do you think, for fuck's sake, for once in your life, dole out a compliment. Do you think that's a bad impression of Robert De Niro? Have I succeeded in doing a bad impression of Robert De Niro in my profile picture? I'm confused because then you started fighting with me about what you're wearing. It's like, accept the fact that you're wearing the wrong thing.

That makes it a bad impression. It makes it a bad impression, yeah. Yes, it's whatever you think it is. I understand what's happening there. To be honest, I've only just picked up the fact that you've got the hand. I'm doing the hand as well. You're doing the hand as well. But I've kind of cropped it out a little bit because I felt like that made it look too good of a De Niro impression.

Right, right, right. Yeah, it's what it is. Yeah, it's good. I like it. I've laughed at it. I've reacted to it. Yep. I'm enjoying it.

Where on? I just don't know whether it's good or bad. Oh. Well, it's so bad that it's good. Like, I like it. Okay, I see what you're saying. So I don't know whether... I see what you're saying. There's a lot going on. It goes back around. Yeah, there's a it's so bad that it's good. Like, I like it. So I don't know whether. I see what you're saying.

There's a lot going on. It goes back around. Yeah, there's a lot going on. Yeah. But I am. Here's the thing. Hang on. Have you.

I know what you're going to comment on. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Have you reviewed it yourself? No. Oh. They do that automatically.

Oh. When you sign up, they give you like your profile your profile comes with a default, like, fake. It's the old Tom from MySpace. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A fake five-star account. Really? It's from, it's like five stars from, like, what, Jeff? Yeah.

And it just says, awesome. Yeah. Because I thought that was, like, you being Jeff Kiev. No, no, no. Like an old non-deplume of yours. No, I wish. That's, yeah. That just is, just a little, you know, just to get the ball rolling.

Right. But that's a little weird to know that they do that. I don't mind it. I mean. They're backing you. Yeah, that's true. I mean, look, I mean, I think badly of them for giving you a five-star review of someone where you've said, this is going to be bad.

Yes. Yeah. So, yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I'm starting to think that they haven't even seen one of your impressions yet, considering you haven't done one. I had to do one. I mean, I did one in my little intro video.

Oh, is there an intro video? Can you... Why the fuck haven't I watched this one? Can you watch it on the... No, I can't. Desktop or... No, no. Well, I think maybe when you get on the app, it's easier to see.

But it's just me spelling out what I'm going to do and... And do you give a bit of taste? A little bit of Trump at the end there. A little bit of Trump at the end there. Right, okay. He's been in the news recently. Right, right. I don't know if you've seen that.

But I thought that was like a timely one to chuck in. Look, as of right now, as of recording, he has been, I believe, deposed. Yeah. As, hang on, I'll, I'll, I'll, that's what I, someone told me that. That he did not win the election. Right. So, by the time this comes up, are people still going to remember who he is? Like, is that going to still be a current thing?

Yeah, I mean, we are recording this in September, so who knows? People are still going to be in the news. But, yeah, you never know, because, look, as he himself might say, you fade. Oh, nice. Great. Great. Great. Well, now here's the thing.

Happy for Dum Dum Club listeners to go out there and get a request and go and have a look at this great new page on the internet. Finally, something to look at on the internet. But what I'm more excited about is random people getting, dialing this up. Yeah, I really don't. I mean, I really don't know. I probably need to do more videos showing a bit of my range. If I want to get random people on there.

Maybe I'll do that this afternoon. Do that. I really don't know. There's so much stuff on there yeah um maybe i'll do that this afternoon but yeah i just i really don't know there's so much stuff on there and the idea of someone thinking i'm gonna get a gift i'm gonna get a cameo gift for someone um you know what does this person like they like the real housewives they like snoop dogg and they're going on and they're finding those ones are too expensive yeah the idea of anyone randomly coming across me, I really can't fathom it. But that's what we want.

Like, any idiot that listens to this show can get on there and go, do Trump doing Kappa. Yeah. And it's like... Don't give him ideas. Yeah, well, you know what I mean. It's going to be that.

And it's like, yeah, that's great. Bit of fun, whatever. But I want to see some normal fucking shit kicker walk on and go, this sounds great for my six year old daughter. Um, can you do a bad impression of, um, fucking bluey?

Well, maybe. Yeah. I mean, but the problem is, is that it's such a, it's such a, I'm just really getting stressed out about the idea of having to like work out what the fuck Bluey is like that.

That would be a tough one where I'd actually have to go and do some research. Yeah. Chuck on an episode. For sure. Maybe the listeners can help us out. Like, you know, send this to people who don't listen to the pod and just be, you know, maybe we need a bit of help getting, getting the word out there. Because that's the problem is that it's such a crowded platform. You know what?

But I don't know how I'm going to stick out to the man on the street. Right. Let Tommy know that you listen to the show if you're buying, if you're requesting one of these. Just let him know so that we can tell when we get an actual normal person. And maybe, yeah, look, maybe if you're in a group chat and someone is suggesting like hey this person's birthday is coming up what about if we get them a funny message on cameo and if they don't listen to the show maybe you can be like oh i actually found this guy yeah he does these like bad impressions like why don't we get him you know maybe you can get the

word out that way you know you know what i would like here's what i'm hoping happens or i'm i can't say i'm aiming for it to happen because i'm not going to do it but i would like you so you're 20 you're 15 american so 20 australian yeah that's what it is yeah i hope you do some impressions of people that are on there already yeah that only charge like 10 So you're doing a more expensive, worse version of someone that you can get the real deal for. Fuck. Well, I mean, that's difficult

because anyone that's on there that's that cheap is going to be so obscure that they're... I mean, I think... I'm pretty sure Aaron Gox is less than that. Right. I have a feeling he's like... He should be.

...10 or 5 or something. Yeah. But I don't want to do... I don't want to do a Coxie impression. No. I reckon you could do a good one. Man, that's exciting. Well, I'm excited to see what happens in your first week of business,

in your little small business you've started. Tommy Daslow, bad impressionist. Great. I mean, the dream would be this takes off. And it coincides with like, as the popularity of the bad impressionist is kind of going up like that, the density limits in venues is going up. And then the peak of the bad impressionist popularity

coincides with being allowed 200 people in a venue. And then I trot out the bad impressionist live. Oh, yes. No live comedy has happened in Melbourne for months. And one of the first things that does happen is an hour of Bad Impressionist. Yes. You become one of these YouTube bad comedians. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The Paxim. The cameo bad. He's just famous off cameo. He didn't work his way up the way you meant to. I love it. That would be fucking awesome. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm up there just doing, and I'm just taking requests from the crowd. I'm behind Chicken Wire like the Blues Brothers because people are just so pissed off by how bad this Trump is that they're throwing bottles at me. But not only that, all of a sudden YouTubers are acting the same way that stand-ups do to YouTubers. Oh, they're, oh no, they're not, they're no good.

Yeah. They're no good. Oh yeah, they just got famous off this. Fuck this. Yeah, yeah. Even TikTok stars are going, this guy's a hack. Yeah, yeah. I fly out the Ron Burgundy Impressionist that you got for me as my opening act.

Great. Great. This is good. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Well, get onto that. What is it?

Cameo.com slash bad impressionist. Go and have a look. Yeah, Tommy, get some extra videos so it's worth going and have a look. I'll make merch too. Fuck, you're clean. Bad impressionist merch. Wow. Haven't even done one video yet.

You haven't even put an intro video on your fucking site yet. Well, look, you know, at the very least, hopefully, next time we get to do a Little Dum Dum Club live show, we might be able to book the Bad Impressionist live. Well, we'll see. We'll see. We'll see how popular it's gotten. I mean, look, you're mocking me.

You think the $20 is too much, but who knows? This might be the cheapest it ever is. So get in quick, folks. It's also a scoop. Finally, we've got something on the Little Dum Dum Club. Here at Talking Dum Dum, we've got the bad impressionist. Well, we might be able to get him. Oh, you're saying we could book him,

but the Little Dum Dum Club wouldn't be able to get him. Yeah, we've got him first. Well, you know, let's just say there could be a bit of a bidding war and whoever's got the money to chuck around, that's where the bad impressionist is going to go. Right, okay. Well, you know, let's just say there could be a bit of a bidding war and whoever's got the money to chuck around, that's where the bad impressionist is going to go.

Right, right. Okay, exciting. I'm excited. All right. Yeah, yeah. Excited to see how quickly you do one once this episode goes up.

Yes, that will be very, very interesting. Yep. And looking forward to what people request as well. Yep. Try and be interesting about it. Give me something fun to work with. Don't just be saying like, you know,

Hughsey or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Do a bit of... Look, I'm putting words in your mouth but what about what about this even a bit of like what if trump was usually happy to do what if well i mean that's the thing it's like you want some form of scenario you know what i mean like someone just messaging me and going talk like al pacino for five minutes yeah It's like, that's fucking brutal. Yeah. And a waste of everyone's time.

Also, while we're talking about this, you know, while we're plugging this, we do do our own, which is Dummy-O, which if you go on Little Dumb Dumb Club. Yeah, I mean, if you want the low-rent version. Yeah.

If you want to see the bad impressionist doing an impression of a bad comedian, yes, you can go to Dumio. So what I'm going to say is, so if you go, if you get Dumio, which isn't on Cameo, it's just on our website. So if you go and book that, we've been doing plenty of them. Thank you very much for everyone who's been doing them. But we're getting overwhelmingly great feedback.

Yep. There are people very happy with our job and especially value for money because we just get on and just start bullshitting for way great feedback. Yep. People very happy with our job and especially value for money because we just get on and just start bullshitting for way too long. Yep. So honestly, I keep getting Brett Blake suggested to me on Facebook because I've clicked on him once. Right. So it keeps coming up.

Check out Blakey. So I clicked on it the other day and it was like, oh yeah, I heard it's your birthday and your mum said you're a fucking legend. I got on your birthday, legend. End of transmission. Great. It's like,

it's fucking six seconds. Yep. And you're paying 20 bucks for Blake. Fuck that. Yeah. We've been giving 10 minute fucking

mini podcasts. Yeah, but you know, you can't, who's at fault here? Blakey does that and you know, he gets a five star

from Jeff. He says awesome. He loved it. So, I think, I think to be fair, I think the rule with cameo is you're only allowed to say the words he does that and you know he gets a five star from jeff he says awesome he loved it so i think i think but to be fair i think the rule with cameo is you're only allowed to say the words you can spell so he has to give very quick ones yep i do love the fact that i have through this show started a competitor to cameo like gone around them and said fuck you we're doing this ourselves

and then i am now also on the actual platform itself because you have to like contact them and ask them you have to like have direct you can't just sign up you have to like i had to like i filled out a form and this person texted me and i had to go back and forth over text right to set it up right to like get the login and everything so it's just funny having i did wonder if the person was gonna like you know somehow look me up and then find this that we have a bootleg version of their site on our site. We can't have you on our platform. This is absolutely taking the piss. Having said that, I would have had full confidence in you in that I remember Kappa telling me

they were bugging him to be on there. Yeah. So you start, standards can't be that big. I think a while ago they did do a big sweep because I got an email from them like, oh, fuck, about a year, probably a year ago or more, doing a big, I think when they started trying to get Australian people on there. Right.

But it's just such a weird way of doing it that like I'm texting someone from the company. For sure. It's so undignified, like, please, can I be on there? Yeah. Selling little greetings to people. Yeah. Yuck.

Exciting. Get onto that, everyone. We won't do a full CBS mailbag this week, but what I will say is thank you to Nadia for, I think, possibly using the mailbag the best way so far. It went on for weeks, but she noticed my penchant for um uh gooey snacks gooey middled snacks my um love for that's a full meal uh my not always well my love for muffins with gooey centers and uh soft choc chip cookies um so she found these

like cookies with gooey centers and whatever contacted the company went can you send them to this guy uh and they're like cool what's his address i don't know but his postal address is this and like yeah but we deliver it to their house so they can just fucking eat them okay no you but you have to send to this po box and they're like we don't fucking send cookies to a fucking po box yeah eventually force them to do it it's taken fucking ages but anyway went to the post office the other day went to po box 6063 hawthorne west 3122 boom soft gooey cookies in a fucking box in the mailbox. Yum, yum, yum. Thank you. So they were fine? Yeah.

You had no idea how long they'd been in transit? No, yeah, I didn't really know. So the company took, so they didn't sit in the post, the company took them themselves to the PO box? I don't believe so. I believe they were posted. Oh, my God. Yeah. Well, when did you eat them?

When? Yeah. Oh, like the day I got them? Which is how long ago? Last week. Okay. Yeah, okay. So, you know.

Yeah, they're okay. All right. You survived. Yeah. Oh, there's still, I think there's a couple left. I think I know the place you're talking about. It's not that far from my girlfriend's house. I walk past it a lot.

I don't know. And I thought it looks, was it Cookie Dough? Yeah. Cookie Dough Company or something like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I never heard of them. Yeah. It looks good.

Yeah. I've never been in. Yeah, they're pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I never heard of them. It looks good. I've never been in. Yeah, they're pretty good. Yeah, good, good. So, thank you. So, that is the right way to use that, guys. Perishable foods. Chuck a lasagna in the post for us.

Yeah, a bit of milk maybe, a carton or two. You know, pancakes. Yep. A roast. Yep. Full buffet. Ice cream. Get a full buffet in there.

Salad bar, all the trimmings. I've been thinking, look, I think both of us have been pretty gung-ho with our fitness lately. It's fair to say. I've been thinking about making this the summer of ice cream. I've been off ice cream for so long because I'm like, this is so bad for you. But I think ice cream companies have long because I'm like this is so bad for you yeah but

I've been I think ice cream companies have really been up in their game I've been noticing I will say some real interesting looking brands happening

I'm more into an ice cream in winter than I am in summer ooh yeah because I kind of feel like summer you want lighter stuff

and an ice cream like dairy it's just so heavy yeah and even if it's like super hot and it's going to cool you down it's like yeah but then I've of feel like summer you want lighter stuff. And an ice cream like dairy, it's just so heavy. And even if it's like super hot and it's going to cool you down, it's like, yeah, but then I've got this like big gut full of dairy. Whereas like, yeah, it's not, you know, it's a cold night, but you're just on the couch. It's like, yeah, you know, why not just lean all the way in? I'm with you. I understand. I think I'm off the ice cream for a little bit.

Yeah, I think I might get on it. I think I'm off the ice cream for a little bit. Yeah, I think I might get on it. I've been doing this. When I go shopping, I just longingly make sure I go past the dairy section and just sort of just have these long glances and going, what would I get if I was going to get ice cream? Tell you what I did think about copying the other day, just because I was talking to someone about them

and didn't know that they still existed. The Barney Banana. The banana ice cream that you now, Birdie Beetle style, you can't get individually. Yeah. You have to get it in the eight pack from Woolies. And I did think, maybe a pack of them would go down all right. I got tricked a little bit because I saw the strawberry ice cream, strawberry paddle pops for sale in like the eight packs or whatever.

So I bought all the fucking, bought eight packs and then chucked half of them out. Went to the servo last night. They're in there. Really? Individually. Individually.

Individually. Interesting. What's going, what's with, because I had the, I tried the birthday cake flavored golden gay time. I saw that yesterday

and again I was like this is another reason this could be the summer of ice cream. What's going on? Why are they all why are all these companies all at once

going like weird because strawberry milkshake is such a weird idea for a flavor where it's like it's like when chips it's like when they'll have like an adjective

in the flavor of the chip. You know when it like the what's the like really the one that has all the, the natural chip company or whatever they're called the red rock, red rock deli where they'll have like succulent roast chicken. And it's like, you're not getting succulents in the flavor.

Like get fucked. Yeah. That sort of stuff. I don't really get, but the birthday cake, golden gate time, bit of a letdown. Really?

Yeah. It looked, it looked good. It looks great, but no, it looks, that's the other thing, it looks like shit. So on the picture it's like bright, like rainbow coloured. But of course. But then you open it

up and it's like that kind of that's like been stained by the brown chocolate underneath. Of course. And it's just this murky swamp colour. You can't keep that rainbow up while it's been frozen. Stuck next to another eight of them, sitting in a freezer for three months. Yeah, okay, okay.

I still think I need to try it myself. But there's so many. You know what? When I look at the freezer section with the ice cream, I feel like immediately I need to bookmark a bunch of them. I'm like, fuck, I need to try these at different stages. Yeah. It's a shame that you're not more into ice cream and sweet treats.

Like, I feel like I need an ice cream buddy. Oh, yeah. Where we go, right, let's go and get all these eight packs and we can split them in half and whatever. Instead of me mullying fucking four ice creams, feeling a bit sick and then throwing four of them in the bin. Yeah. Before my wife finds out. Yeah. But Cadbury have entered the market, which I've really gone hard in

with a few new flavours, which I'm very keen on. I did have a fair red-hot go of the Ben & Jerry's in the depths of lockdown. I had to put an end to that. You told me you were very keen. I did that the other day. I saw a nice little bargain. I got into the Hershey's Cookies and Cream tub. They had a very small tub and it was half price.

I was like, you know what? Favorite ice cream flavor. That's your favorite ice cream flavor? Cookies and cream. Just in general. If I'm getting a scoop somewhere, I'm always going for the cookies and cream. I outgrew it, I think. When it first came out about 20 years ago, I'm always going for the cookies and cream. I outgrew it, I think.

When it first came out, like about 20 years ago, I was obsessed with it. Right. But now, I don't know, a bit past it. It's very nice. But yeah, it was just, you know what I did? And this harks back to maybe an old story about how I used to eat moose. At one stage, I was eating it with car keys keys yeah because on the sly i i was shopping i knew i had to go back to my wife but i had to go back home to to don't say no um and i was like fuck that's a bargain that's a weird thing to keep in your head the whole time you're at the supermarket yeah now remember you have to go home after this well

that's the thing i just run when i sneak like treats I sneak like treats, I'm like, how do I get home? How do I unpack this? How do I eat it? Right. You need something that you can easily eat in the car or like mobile or whatever. Exactly. Like a sausage roll or whatever. Exactly.

Yeah. The perfect crime. But with a tub full of ice cream, I get that. And then I'm like, how do I fucking eat it? You know, I can't just chuck a sausage roll in my mouth like how do I fucking eat it you know I can't just chuck a sausage all in my mouth how do I eat it

so on the way out I went past in the supermarket a bit where you make your own coffee they got stirrers like basically like sticks to stir

yeah yeah yeah so boom just grabbed a bunch of them isn't that funny that someone at one point went hey this shit that we serve ice cream on

you can stir a coffee with that yeah totally we can get more mileage out of these things you can stick it down some cunt's throat in a doctor's office someone at one point went, hey, this shit that we serve ice cream on, we could stir a coffee with that. Yeah, totally. We could get more mileage out of these things. You can stick it down some cunt's throat in a doctor's office and see if they're crook or not. Which one came first? Yeah.

Which was the original use of the stick? So I just grabbed a bunch of them, sat in the car with a punnet of ice cream. I fucking dug coffee stirrers into it. All right. You need a spoon. You need to keep a disposable... I know. ...thing of disposable spoons in the car.

Can I ask, because we've never... This gets... You mention this kind of offhandedly pretty frequently, but we've never really gotten into it. What is the genesis of this relationship that you and your wife have with each other where food is concerned? This having to sneak around

and not being allowed to eat anything in front of her. What's the... Where did this begin? It's and not not being allowed to like eat anything in front of her it's not what's what's the door where did this begin it's not really not being allowed to it's like we're both like especially at the moment we're both like doing a lot of fitness stuff so we're both sort of like you know the thing where you're supporting the other you don't want yeah if one person's doing it you don't want to just go anyway that looks fun over there i'm just gonna fucking eat this and eat a big bowl of dog shit so it's like okay we're both being strong um so you just feel like you shouldn't be doing it that's all right it's no there's no set rule or anything it's like do you think she's sneaking oh we talked about last week yes yeah yeah yeah okay okay yeah anyway it's just a thing is and to be honest i'm all

there's also shame involved in it because i'm just going to the supermarket and buying a litre of milk, a loaf of bread, and then three buckets of ice cream or whatever. It's not a thing you should be doing. I think you need to propose a once-a-week amnesty where you and your wife can enjoy the treats together rather than both sneaking around and fighting about when one of you's been eating it. It just sounds so stressful.

But it also feels, it's like the forbidden fruit. It tastes better. Yeah. Me? You think? A little bit. If I'm for whatever reason, if I've said to myself, I'm not going to eat anything like this for a week,

and then I slip, you know, if I know I'm not meant to be eating something, I just can't enjoy it. It's like maybe half of it is enjoyable. And then as I'm on the back end of it, it's like, was this worth it? And then afterwards, it's like, now I feel like a cunt. And I wish I hadn't have done that. Whereas if I just say to myself, you know what? For this week, all bets are off and I'm allowed to do what I want.

Every thing feels awesome. There's no, no matter how you do it, there's no good side of it. Like I snuck, snuck the ice cream in the car. I was like sitting there. It wasn't one of those huge tubs. It was like a mini tub thing. But even then I'm eating it.

Get to the end of it. It was like, I shouldn't have done that just for myself. Rest of the day felt ill. Went for a run. One of those runs where you're running and feeling half a liter of dairy. A daytime tub in the daytime as well yes like a like at least one on a stick it's like you can go well this is just what it's meant for i walked past 7-eleven

and i got a little paddle pop no but eating out of a punnet in the day is oh brutal not only that but this is like at 12 o'clock this is lunchtime it was about to be the first thing i ate for the day and i had to i had to go past the sandwich aisle and go and just grab a fucking sandwich. Just to make sure that this wasn't the first thing I ate during the day. Like, you can't eat ice cream as your first meal. Yeah, that's true. So I just grabbed a sandwich, just got that over with. Yeah.

So I could hit the fucking Hershey cookies and cream tub. Should we just not do names this week? How long have we done? That's a good question. 31 minutes. Oh, all right. Let's crack into it. Anyway, enough of that weird relationship with dessert.

Let's crack into thanks to everyone who patronizes this show in the correct way, who monetizes this show for us, who makes it worthwhile that we do this, especially given the state of the world, the way we earn money at the moment. We can no longer take $2,000 paying $10 spots at Spleen every week. It's decimated our millionaire lifestyle that's based purely on stand-up. The way we used to live, like Jay Leno, we used to just not touch the podcast money and just live off the stand-up money. Yep, yep.

All our collection of fancy cars. Yeah. Well, that's what we used Jay Leno style, just live off the stand-up money, which explains why we were eating ants there for the last five or six years. Thanks for doing that. there for the last five or six years. Thanks for doing that. Get on patreon.com slash little dum-dum club to keep us eating Hershey ice cream. Yep.

And keep yourself eating content. At the moment, you get two bonus mini episodes a week. We have guests on them. They're always a lot of fun. Little, little quick burst of content for you. Some really great ones in the mix. And people have been really loving them exactly look to be honest i was thinking about yesterday we pump these out and

you know there's a little dumb club plus talking dumb they end up being two hours plus you're gonna look at that and go that's a bit intimidating whereas these bonus episodes they come out they're like 15 minutes yeah if i was as a consumer if i saw them come out i'd be like fuck yeah well listen like those 15 minutes they sound like fun you know a lot of people don't like test matches anymore yep

because they go too long it's too big of a commitment this is like what we're doing now is the five day test match yes a lot of people love the 2020 a lot better in the cricket

there's your 2020 yep you just got to pay a little bit more for it that's all exactly it's like they've opened the gates at the MCG

to watch the test match for free or you can pay 10 20 bucks and and and get the 20 smash and grab yeah exactly um so do that get into that if you like your um your your your well like the ice cream your small bonus size ice exactly don't feel as sick at the end of it as you do once you listen to this show. Your little mini magnums. Yes. I mean, look, this is also an observation many people have made. When I was getting those paddle pups the other day, they are so much smaller than they used to be. I mean, I'm bigger than I used to be when I was a kid, but still.

It's like going back to your old playground. Yeah. Not quite. Well, if that was so, they've made the swings very small they really have yeah they really have that would be funny if people found if some if you somehow found that out you know people go it's like going back to your old school yeah and then you found out that like just to fuck with old students at a certain point yeah the principal had like decommissioned like actually like yeah brought down the size of the ceiling by like just 10%. Well, they really did it with my school

because they fucking knocked my school down. So it's a lot smaller. You walking around a wreckage like, wow, this just looked. I mean, this was like you could go inside this when I was a kid and now it's just like dust on the floor. Yeah, I mean, maybe I'm looking back with rose-colored glasses, but I remember there being buildings here yeah and not just ash um thanks to everyone that's on patreon.com slash little dumb club chuck in some money get bonus episodes and of course

the chance of having your name immortalized uh the dumb the little dumb club talking dumb dumb hall of fame basically this is a walk of fame. What if we did that? What if we had a physical location for the podcast and we just made the Patreon subscribers made a walk of fame out the front? That'd be good. If we ever have some sort of patch of land, we should definitely do that. If we could find a very, very small patch of land that was very cheap. It's out in the middle of nowhere,

undesirable, and we just pave it and put a couple of stars on it. The idea of getting that bar in Thailand, if that ever comes off, I reckon I could just maybe etch the name of everyone into the bar or something. That'd be something.

That'd be cool. That'd be good. So there you go. Another incentive, guys, for when we get back to Thailand, which is happening real soon. All right. Let's start the unplanned title,

Alternative of the UTA, and crank out some names. All right. First cab off the rank this week. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber, Ryan Boccolate. Hmm. B-O-C-C-A-L-A-T-T-E.

I feel like I was looking at this guy's name on social media recently and thinking, God, I hope this one never comes up. Yeah, well, your dream just came true, Tommy. Boccolate, Boccolate. It doesn't have the little fucking hyphen above the E, so maybe it's not latte. But he'd cop that a bit, surely. Boccolate.

I think it's boccalate. Boccolate? Boccolate. Maybe. It can't be boccalate. Boccolate. Boccolate. Boccolate.

Boccolate. Boccolate. Ryan, boccalate. Boccolate. I reckon it's got to be Boccalate. You don't need the thing on the E for it to have that sound. Don't you? No, not always.

Also, by having the B-O-C-C-A, I mean, that already swings it into the Italian pronunciation way of things as well. That's what I'm thinking. So that's the official statement from us. It's Boccalate. Confirmed. Wog. Rightirmed wog. Right.

One of you. You see him down at the meetings? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen him there. Yeah. He might have been around your house going up to see your old mate upstairs in the penthouse suite. I've been seeing him a lot recently. Have you?

Yeah, he's back. Nick Gianopolis. He's back in business. I walked past the cafe the other day and and he was sitting right in the window. And I was very overwhelmed with like, what do I do here? Do I approach or do I stand outside the window? And I almost FaceTimed you to just go, hey, I don't have anything to say.

Just look who's behind me. But, yeah, it was a lot of pressure. Just so we didn't have to spell his name, I've just gone on Cameo and searched to see if he's on it. And I've just searched the word wog. Because, like, he will have that in his profile. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's, yeah, it doesn't come up.

I feel like we looked for him quite recently, maybe on the Patreon episode that we did with Ballard where we came up with the bad impressionist. I feel like we looked for him quite recently, maybe on the Patreon episode that we did with Ballard where we came up with the bad impressionist. I feel like we looked for him, and that's honestly shocking to me that he's not on there. I know. Because you would expect that, A, he would be on there, and, B, he would be charging way too much.

I know. You'd expect him to be like 700 bucks or something. Exactly. Like super pricing himself out of the market. Exactly. I'm very disappointed that he's... He must not know about Cameo. The amount of Australian footballers that are on there

that are charging like fucking $5 is insane. They've surely got better things to do with their life than that. It's fucking crazy. But Nick Giannopoulos not being on there is just insane that should be his absolute thing he's doing what the fuck else is he doing right now okay maybe you know we've been we've been talking about like you know if i see him around do i yeah what's the end game what's the end game here and i'm always i'm a bit nervous about like what my in would be you know because it. Because you can't just bowl up to someone in the cafe

and be like, hey, come on my podcast or whatever it is. Very briefly, there's only one astronaut on Cameo. What made you think of looking up astronauts? It just came there. It just turned up there. That's how the world works this day. There's one astronaut on Cameo and 304 drag queens. Right.

moment there's one astronaut on cameo and 304 drag queens right yeah do you reckon that um do you reckon they because you can you know you can knock back a job like if someone says hey i want you to say this yeah you can write back and go i'm not taking your money i'm not doing this that astronaut how many how many do you reckon he gets that like i want you to like admit that the moon landing you have inside knowledge yeah and There must be a fair bit of that come through. But anyway, maybe this is my in with Nick Gianopoulos. So I see him at the table and I approach and I go, hey, very sorry to interrupt, but I'm a big fan and my friend is a big fan and I thought you might be on Cameo.

I really wanted to get – and you're not on there. I just think that's a missed opportunity. So maybe this can be my in, a concerned fan, letting him know that there's good money to be made if he puts himself on caveat. Especially if you then go, look, I'm on it. No, I've got to be honest. There's this guy called The Bad Impressions,

and he's getting lots of requests, and he's cleaning up. And then cut to some dum-dum list that has requested you do an impression of Nick Gianopolis. That's on your main page. That's on my page. You pull out and go, look at this guy. Look at this guy. up. And then cut to some dumb dumb list that has requested you do an impression of Nick Gianopolis. Right. That's on your main page. That's on my page. You pull out and go, look at this guy.

Look at this guy. This guy's making money off you. Oh, duh. Yeah, duh. I'm out of work. Mamma mia. Oh, I take it up

the bum. Oh, my mum's so fat. I invented anal. I'm Greek. And he's like, is this you? And I'm like, no, well, this man's wearing tie-dye

and I'm wearing completely different clothes. I'm wearing a different shade of tie-dye, so that's not me. That's not me at all. Anyway, now that we've broken the ice, would you like to come on my podcast? Well, Ryan Boccolato, we have fun, but we've got to tie it back to him. I feel like this bloke will complain otherwise

because this bloke's on the socials all the time. He loves it. Real repeat offender. He's into it. He's a little one. Not a lot else going on for Boccolati during the days, I have to say. Yeah. He's one of those guys that's on everything,

claiming the top fan badge, I suspect. Oh, boy. Yeah. Isn't that a proud moment for people on Facebook? Can't get enough of that. Screenshotting the notification. Oh, am I really this much of a dumb cunt? Yes.

That's all right. Look, I support that. Good on you, everyone. But this guy's right into it. So what is someone that's right into it? What do they want when we do this? That's the thing. We can have a red hot riff,

but I feel like you need to personalise it a little bit. Yeah, but also the riff is personalised. We got onto that through... I mean, don't forget, it sounds unrelated because we were just talking about Nick Giannopoulos, but why are we talking about Nick Giannopoulos? Because this guy, Boccolato, is a big dumb wog.

And that reminded us of Nick Giannopoulos. What about this? What about you warm up your cameo skills? What about you do an impression of Ryan Boccolato, is a big dumb wog. And that reminded us of Nick Deenopolis. What about this? What about you warm up your cameo skills? What about you do an impression of Ryan Boccolato right now? The bad impression is dumb. Hang on, do you need more time to summon? Do you need to get into character? No, I think I'm alright. Do you need to get into character?

Okay, give me a few moments. Give me like 45 minutes. Just tread water for a bit. I'll go into the other room. I'll rub some olive oil on my skin. Oh my god, it's me, Ryan Boccolato. Man, I love listening to the little dum-dum club every week. It's a fucking

piss-funny podcast. I listen with all 400 of my cousins. We gather around the old-timey radio. We listen to it on the radio on the Monaro as we drive around Chapel Street doing burnouts and shit. Anyway, I've got to go have sex with my sister now. It's me, Ron Bacalhari.

What's your sister's name? Tula Bacalhari. Great. Well, what more can you want? Here you go, Ryan. What more can you want, especially from a self-confessed dumb wog like Ryan Bacalade? Exactly. I mean, I assume he's confessed that himself.

I mean, what do you call it? A confessed dumb wog that we've confessed for him. Yep. Yep. And just remember, folks, like we always say, it's not a hate crime. It's just bad comedy. Okay? Thanks, Ryan. Thanks, Ryan.

Thanks, Ryan. From your two favorite skips. Exactly. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Jack Townsend. Jack Townsend. There's a shift of gear right there. Big, big shift of gear. As wide as they come.

Very wide. Pretty white bread name. they come yeah very white pretty white bread yeah and you know what love white bread bought a loaf yesterday and i've i reckon i've thought about the loaf of white bread since i've been sitting here three times well looking forward to getting back to it yeah i mean look yeah what the only thing i would say goes against white bread is the guilt of like it's the worst kind of bread you can have for you. Yeah. So every now and then if I'm ordering a sandwich somewhere, you know, the dream is there's no choices of bread.

Yeah. So you're like, well, you know, I didn't get an option. I'm going to have the white bread. Yeah. But the minute they go, oh, what do you want? Do you want that on white or brown or rye or grain? Yeah. Then I'm like, now I'm just deliberately being unhealthy if I ask for the white.

Yeah. Once I get the option, it's like, I guess I've got to ask for the rye. Yeah, that's fair. Do myself a favor. It's only... Get the grainy, the shit. And then halfway through, it's like... Yeah, it's a lot of work.

Just have a salad if you care this much about it. Yeah. You're having bread one way or the other. Yeah. Why didn't I just... Yeah. I agree. And even with...

You know when you go to like a 7-Eleven or a supermarket and you get those pre-made sandwiches? Yeah. Very rarely do they give you the option of just the white bread anymore. Yeah, they're trying to... I think they're trying to offset... They're trying to make themselves look good. Yeah, but they're just trying to offset

how shit-ass everything else in the sandwich is. Right. They're sort of trying to cover their tracks. Okay. I think they're hoping you'll be distracted by... They use that really... Yeah, they use a lot of really seedy bread. Yes. So you just like... I think the hope is that your mouth's so full of seeds that you'll...

You won't notice the fucking uncooked chicken. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Blank mayonnaise. I have to say that when I see that... When I see like a one sandwich for $5 in a fucking paper bag in a supermarket, when it's brown bread, you go, okay, I guess I can see that. But when it's just a very white bread sandwich for $5, I go, I reckon that's worth a dollar. It just looks cheap.

White bread does look cheap. You're right. It's the trailer trash of bread. You're right, yeah. Yeah. It's a trailer trash off bread. You're right, yeah. Yeah. It's a kid rock of bread. Man, maybe I'll get a sandwich after this. I'm getting hungry.

I'm, I've, I've, I've got to race home, get a sandwich because my backpack is still full of like garbage I bought at the supermarket yesterday to sneak home with me. Okay. So I've got to sate my hunger before I decide to get into a box of cupcakes I bought. Do you want to have a look at what I've actually got left in this bag? I'll have a look in my treat sneak bag that I bought. There's a home brand box of dark chocolate. Dark chocolate, chocolatey moments.

You know what those are? You know those biscuits that are like half chocolate, half biscuit? Like they're backed with thick chocolate. Yeah. They're like fancy, you know, what are they called? Like fancy European sort of biscuits. You know those ones? You go to the supermarket, they have like $6 for a pack.

But then Coles have gone, oh, here they are for $1. Yep. Sweet. Okay. So I've got a full packet of that. Now let's open the next compartment. Oh, they're all in different compartments too. There's cupcakes, four cupcakes.

Well, one left. There's only one left. Yep. Okay. They got demolished on the way here? No, yesterday I believe. Oh, okay. They're on the way home from the supermarket after the...

Oh, okay. After a sandwich. Right, right, right. Oh, so they... Okay, right, right, right. There's a... These is what kills you. Get to the...

These are classic. I love these. Yeah, get to the checkout. They start putting cheap stuff at the checkout on sale. Dollar for the dairy milk rolls. Thank you. One of them, thanks. Pretty good, yep.

50 cent for a Freddo frog. Not bad. Absolutely. Yes, please. That might be it. There's nothing but empty cupcake packets. It's good. Hang on.

I'll check one more compartment. Let's see. No. That's it. That's it. That's all. That's all. That's all.

So that's lunch on the walk home. You've got to take down a cupcake. Got one rule. You've got to have something not, you know, I can't have a cupcake for the first thing I have for the day. Okay. Well, there's a 7-Eleven near my house, so you'll probably be walking in there getting a little sandwich.

Cheap brown bread sandwich. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, maybe that's it. But I'm looking forward to that white bread, so maybe I should just get the train. Hold out. Hold out. Yeah.

I think I might go get a salad. Yeah. I'm hungry. forward to that white bread so maybe i should just get the cold out hold out yeah i think i might go get a salad yeah i'm hungry thanks jack townsend thanks jack townsend white white bread mr white like i said love white bread yeah love you good yeah you sound good i i wish i wish i could have you right now love a bit of you know what i made myself yet say for the first time forever bacon and eggs oh yeah classic real good with a bit of, you know what I made myself yet say for the first time in forever? Bacon and eggs. Oh, yeah. Classic. Real good.

With a bit of toast. Is that where the white bread comes into it? Absolutely. You've got to soak up that yolk. Tried to give scrambled eggs to my daughter. To her little blanket. Wouldn't have it. Wow.

Love the bacon. It's classic. Yeah. But as a kid, what's better than scrambled eggs? It is the gateway to having proper eggs. having like fried eggs or whatever yeah scrambled is the it looks fun it's you'd never find a child that's like a two-year-old whose parent is serving them sunny side up yeah exactly yeah boiled egg or whatever it's like yeah every other egg sort of looks like grown-up egg yeah scrambled eggs scrambled fun entry it's like funny yeah and then you go and then you have your sunny Every other egg sort of looks like grown-up egg. Yeah. Scrambled eggs. Scrambled eggs. Fun eggs.

Fun eggs. Yeah, and then you go, and then you have your sunny side. It's sort of your deconstructed scrambled egg. Yeah. You know, because it's all... What's your top three eggs? Benedict's number one. Really?

Yeah, love a Benedict. I'm a very rare consumer of the Benedict. Yeah, love it. Love a poached egg. Yeah. Yeah, it doesn't get much better. Although, it's high risk, high reward. Every now and then you go into a cafe, you get a benny, or you just get a poached egg.

Yeah. You're really excited. Yeah. You know, you cut in, and what you want is that delicious, that yolk just spilling out. Absolutely. Cut in, it's just boiled. Yeah. Fucked.

Yeah. Yeah. It really fucked me here That's not good You know what I got brought up on With the old sunny side up eggs My mum would always like Oh let's

We'll have eggs Cool And then she would flip the egg And just have it cooked All the way through Like The sunny side up But then she'd flip it

Oh yeah okay Yeah So it was always just like Very cooked egg And then you know burnt edges black edges of the fucking egg and everything like and you get to that point where that's one of those moments in life where you go you know what maybe my parents don't know everything yeah exactly maybe they are sort of a bit of a dumb cunt yeah that is not how to do it yeah yeah i i will say though

absolute favorite form of egg um and I'm sure many listeners will be able to relate to this, the egg sandwich from 7-Eleven or Family Mart or whatever it is in Japan. Oh. The crusts cut off, the milk bread, the like really fluffy white bread. Yep. And then it's just a, I have made it at home myself. really fluffy white bread.

Yep. And then it's just a... I have made it at home myself. It's like a... It's just really... It's like kind of, I don't know, creamy. I think they put a bit of Kewpie mayo in there, but it's just like a creamy egg centre. The best sandwich in the world, hands down.

It doesn't get any better. What's it called? I'm going to Google it right now. Just look up egg sandwich. Just look up egg sandwich 7-Eleven Tokyo or 7-Eleven Japan or convenience store Japan. Crusts cut off. Little package. All the food stuff at the 7-Elevens in Japan, they replace like three times a day.

So it's all like fresh and good. The best. Yeah, it does it's all like fresh and good. The best. Yeah, it does look pretty good. Nice and creamy. Yeah. I think they use like more yolk than white. So it's got this like just a beautiful yellow tone to it. That's the, you know what?

It's like boiled and chopped up and then mixed up with some like, yeah, mayonnaise and stuff. That's the thing my mum's very proud of. Whenever she comes down to visit, she'll bring eggs from the farm. It's not really a farm. Very small hobby farm. Bring eggs from the farm. How yellow the eggs are. How yellow the yolks are.

She'll bring them down going, don't forget to eat them. How yellow the yolks. Very proud of that. I think there is something in Japan where they get really yellow yolks, especially for those sandwiches. I read a proud of that. I think there is something in Japan where they get really yellow yolks, especially for those sandwiches. Because I read a recipe of like how to make it at home. And the first thing was like, now look, yours isn't going to look as good as they do in Japan.

Because your eggs are probably going to be different. It's like, wow, we're getting just, this is the start of the recipe. Yeah. Being told that I am going to fuck this up. Yeah. Feels good. Yeah. Bacon and egg sandwich.

Oh, that'd hit the spot right now. Oh, yeah. As long as the bacon was, like, chopped up into bacon bits, I think. I don't like the idea of, like, chewing, chewing, like, take your bite, getting halfway through a big rasher of bacon and having to fucking chomp through. The whole thing, yeah, it can. Yeah. Yeah.

Mix it up. Sounds good. Fuck. We're going to relate every listener to food at some point. Probably. Make ourselves feel insanely hungry. Thanks, Jack Townsend. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Bernadette Smith.

Cool. Okay. Bernadette's kicked a big one. Yeah. You don't think you're going to get Smith at the end of Bernadette. But I guess that's just them trying to... Put the brakes on very quickly after an interesting name and then straight into the most stock standard.

Exactly. They've got the surname Smith, so they've gone, we've got to put some juice up front. We can't just have a Kate Smith. So you call her, you've got to call her Bernie, I assume. Which, you know, I don't know. Is that ideal? I don't know.

What else can you go with? Well, I mean, she's clearly going the full thing. You know, she's not putting in Bernie. She's putting the full Bernadette. Can you use debt in any way? Debt. Debt. Debt-o.

Na-debt. Debt-o. Debt-hole. Debt-hole. That doesn't sound great. Debt-hole. Debt hole Debt hole That doesn't sound great Debt hole Debt Debt hole

Nah No I don't like it It's gotta be Bernie Burn Burn Burn Burn I guess Burn's the most respectable version of it

Hmm I think Bernie's fine I don't mind Bernie Yeah but if you're I don't know I could definitely see a lot of people who wouldn't be cool with that. It just seems a little bit...

I don't know. What do you mean wouldn't be... You mean their name is Bernadette and they're not cool with going by Bernie? Yeah. Okay. I think Bernadette's a very nice sounding name and then you turn into something... Bernie's a little bit grubby, I reckon. I like it.

Yeah. Well, it depends on the person. She obviously feels that way because she's going... You know, she's signing up to Patreon under Bernadette. Yeah. Well, it depends on the person. She obviously feels that way because she's going, you know, she's signing up to Patreon under Bernadette. Yeah. But, you know, I've known some Bernies. Have you? Yeah.

Female Bernies. Yeah. Have you? Yeah. You know one too. I'm bad. I don't remember. Do I?

Yeah. A friend of ours' now wife. Still don't know who that is. Oh, yes, I do. Yeah. Sorry. He's listening right now yes yes i i do and i was thinking of that straight away and then i forgot and now i remember it again yeah

yep i think it suits her yes i do yeah i do too but i can just imagine some people not yeah being into it she's a bit of a feels like a fun loving gal yep um so it would suit absolutely um but not for everyone i mean i mean i don't mind bernard as a name it's pretty funny yeah if you're a bernadette and you go by bernard i mean that's the problem that is the problem with bernie is that i think you more often than not would get people thinking you're a guy. I think most people's assumption is that it's a male name. Yeah. Even more so if you went by Bernard.

I like it that it's like the female version of Bernard where it's like, yeah, but we love Bernard as a name. If only we could call a girl Bernard. Yeah. Wow. It's like, here's the female version. Like, you can't just call a woman a comedian. They have to be a comedian. Yeah, it is like something out of a cartoon.

If you're a cartoon character and, like, someone cloned you and made a female version, it'd just be called Carlette. Yes. Like, just the very lazy cartoon version of, like, the woman version of him. We're not going to overthink this. Just chuck Et on the end. All of a sudden it's me in a dress going, Hello, dickhead.

Yeah, exactly. That's what that is. That's what Bernadette is. Yeah. Yeah. Carlette Chandler. Tommy Et. Bernadette Smith Et.

Just in case anyone didn't know, couldn't figure out whether this was a girl or not. Let's just keep putting Et on the end of it. Is there any guys that have Et on the end of their name? It's not a male. So is that French for woman, I guess? I have no idea. That's my guess.

More than happy for the socials to blow up and for me to ignore all of that. But I just presume I'm correct. that yeah i just presume i'm correct um but but bernadette is um maybe in my eyes a little bit slightly older of a name yep yeah yep yeah happy for it to be reborn but it's yeah but that's the thing is that you never know you never know these days think, you know, things are cyclical. And anyone who's a bit hip goes, I want my kid to be the only one with this name in the class. And how do you do that? Well, you reach right back into the archives.

You bring back Agnes. You bring back, you know, Maud. And of course, with what we're overlooking, of course, the obvious version is, you know, if my wife, don't say her name, if we had had a a son we were going to call our son blank but because we've had a daughter yeah we we got the female version of it which is blanket yeah would you have um would you have spelt it out or would you just literally not filled in the sort of print style so So it's like your driver's license, your passport,

or anytime you're filling out a form. Oh, no, no. So it's blank. Yeah. You've left this blank. Yeah. I know. Who's on first?

It's the symbol for nothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Yeah. That little lack of scribble is the symbol for nothing. Exactly. For blank.

Don't mind it. Yeah. Thanks, Bernadette. Thanks, Bernadette. Hope we named a big one, Bernie. Mm-hmm. Smith. Smith's a good one.

Have we talked about this before? I don't believe this is the case in Australia. I've never heard it in Australia. But in England, the nickname for someone with the surname Smith is Smudger. Yeah, I've never heard that. We had a couple of Smiths at my school, and one of them had the nickname Smitty. And I remember there was a bit of an argument. Who's going to get to be Smitty?

Oh, really? The other one was like, I'm sick of this. Right. I want to be Smitty. Oh, really? Yeah. You want to be Smitty? Launched a campaign.

If only you had the knowledge of Smudger back then. Yeah, that's good. Then they would have been fighting over who got to be smudger. Yeah. That's great. That's much better. Yeah. Very English.

Very English. Very, very English. Nickname. That's like, that's like, that's the exact English, you know, version of people going, you know, in Australia, you just put O on the end of things and O or A or Mac or Wobbsy and whatever. That's English. Smudger.

No one else in the world would call someone smudger. Yeah, in Australia you just put O on the end. In England you do something that makes barely any sense and has hardly any connection to the original thing. Just make it sound sort of grotty and depressing. Exactly. Thanks, Bernie. Thanks, Smudger. Thanks, Bernie. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber

oh okay well here's here's an interesting one that's come up on the on the on the UTA wait what number is this this is number four

okay yeah it's not that sort of interesting yeah alright just got confused for a second just a different sort of interesting thought I'd done the maths right in my head

now we've had a complaint come in. There has been an incorrect readout of the... Ah, yes. Yeah. Yes. Someone was read out quite a while ago. It's taken a while for it to come through the machine.

Was this a bit of a squeaky wheel getting the grease? I believe so. The readout being, oh, what's this we've got here? Squawky wall. What? You said there was an incorrect readout. Yeah. But wasn't that incorrect readout off the back of that person hassling you to read?

Oh, maybe. They've hassled you to read them out, and then you've read them out, and you've read it wrong. So I'm saying the squeaky wheel getting the grease, and then when you get to the readout, it's, oh, what's this here? Squawky wall. Yeah no I maybe that is the case but this was from a long

this has actually happened a long time ago. Okay. So thank you very much to Patreon subscriber your highness

Bennett Humphries. Now la-di-da apparently they don't want to put in money every week and then have us read their name out

absolutely incorrectly. Well, sorry for not doing our fucking precious job properly. What did we read out? Apparently we said thank you to Brenton Humphreys. Okay. The same name, really, in a way. Bennett, Brenton. So many of the letters are the same.

Two shit names. Yeah. Who cares? Well, I mean, speaking of Humphreys, Bennett Brenton so many of the letters are the same two shit names yeah who cares well I mean speaking of Humphreys I wish you'd made out a little bit more like Humphrey B. Bear and shut the fuck up

yeah exactly take your pants off take your pants off suck your own dick suck your own dick famously Humphrey B. Bear got a rib removed so he could suck

that's why his pants are off yeah because he just finished the surgery and he's getting ready to test it out and he was always stealing picnic baskets baskets because they were filled with cum and just drank them.

Yeah. I mean, I may have got the bears slightly wrong there. You're mixing up your bears. Maybe. Getting your wires crossed. But I mean, that's how I got Brenton and Bennett mixed up, obviously. Yeah. It's a beautiful mind.

For comedic effect. Yeah. That was a joke back then. Yeah. Why didn't you laugh? Brenton. Yeah. I mean, yeah, it's like,

it's one thing to get a name wrong, but with a name that's like, with another name that's also barely a name. Yes. If you'd gone Ben, it's like, oh, this isn't quite there, but I'll take what I can get. Brenton. I've come up with Brenton, which shouldn't be a name. Yeah. Is it a name? Is it a name?

Maybe it's not even a name. I don't think it's even a name. Brenton. I'm going to get rid of Egg Sandwich 7-Eleven Japan off my screen. It probably is one of those made up names. It's a name. It's definitely a name. I've just found that out. Okay.

I've still got it on... It's the fucking white supremacist that went to the mosque in New Zealand and shot everyone. So that's not bad. That's his name? His name's Brenton. Oh, I thought you... Oh, man, I thought you were going to say, like, the full name. No.

Like, Brenton Humphreys. It's like, that's why you've said it, because you were busy. You were just reading about him before we came in to record. No. It's like, fair enough, this guy complaining he read me out as a white supremacist. Well, fair enough, like, yeah, fair enough he's not wanting that as a name. Because, like, this cunt was so not wanting this as a name

it's driven him to fucking insanity. Yes. You think that was the motive? That's the thing. Oh, boy. That's it. Just copying Brenton as a name his entire life. Jesus Christ.

What a piece of shit. Just copying Brenton as the name his entire life. Jesus Christ. What a piece of shit. But... Is this guy... Is this Bennett guy... Is this the rower? No.

He's not? No. I think this bloke... Is this the bloke that... I don't even know if that's his name on socials. It is. Is it? Long time socials hassler.

Yes. Look, and's a point to be made that maybe it is worth hassling when you pay for something and then you don't get it at all. Yeah. You know, there's a side of the argument that maybe this guy's correct. If I'm at a restaurant, right, and I'm paid up front. Yeah. I've ordered and I've paid.

Right. Sounds like a good restaurant. Yeah. Well, no, it is'm paid up front. I've ordered and I've paid. Sounds like a good restaurant. Yeah. Well, no, it is. That's great. I love paying when I order. Yeah, me too. Not having to fuck around with splitting a bill between people when you leave. It's great.

Get up, just fuck off. Awesome. Anyway, you pay up front and then, you know, food hasn't come out. And then the waiter comes over and goes, we're just going to need another $5. You're like, in good faith, you're like, okay, all right. I trust these guys. I know what they're doing. If it's been close to a year and I'm still there regularly paying for this meal that

has not yet come out of the kitchen, I think at a certain point I'm going, can you just ask what's going on in there? Or at the very least, can you just stop? I mean, I've paid heaps at this point. How about we just all get the food and then I'll start paying? What at this point how about we just I'll get the food and then I'll start paying what about this what about

you go in the restaurant you pay up front you get the meal meal's very good yep then they come out and go look I know you paid up front but

we've been thinking about it that was fucking great what you got and we're going to have to insist on a five dollar tip right now right is that cool you got yeah you've're going to have to insist on a $5 tip right now. Right.

Is that cool? Yeah, you've paid up front. You've gotten the meal. Yeah. And now we are going to have to ask you to just keep paying us. Yeah. Regularly. A little bit more.

A little bit more. Like, that was great. Constantly. I mean, we brought it out. We thought that was pretty good. We've been thinking about it. Yeah. That's probably the best meal we've done all day. And we sort of had a look at you enjoying it.

And you look like you're really into it. That's it. I mean, we have no way of knowing. It's not like we're eating a bit of the food before we bring it out to you. But we could just tell the vibe of it. And yeah, watching you on the CCTV. Spoon in your mouth, punch in the air. Yeah.

We've got camera under the table that saw a little bulge in the pants slowly forming. We've got cameras in the bathrooms. We thought that might get us in trouble, but we've seen you go the bathrooms you know we thought that might get us in trouble but we've seen you go in and have a wank over how good the meal was you've got to admit

there's got to be a tip coming come on yeah that was one hell of an egg sandwich that you've eaten in a 7-Eleven we want a tip sir

this is a 7-Eleven the 7-Eleven wants a tip from the egg sandwich that would be good that would be pretty good my compliments to the chef my compliments to the guy The 7-Eleven wants a tip from the egg sandwich. That would be good. That would be pretty good. My compliments to the chef.

My compliments to the guy who took this off the truck an hour ago. My compliments to the deep freezer. Yep. Yeah, Bennett Humphries. My compliments to your parents for naming you such a lovely name instead of the name of a psychopath. Yeah, I like it. I like everything going on here. Bennett's a good one.

Bennett is a good one. I'll give it that. As a first name, not as a surname. Yeah, yeah. Look, I'm fine with both of them, I have to say. I'm not. Aren't you? No.

You're looking at me like I know someone who's got the last name Bennett. Yeah, you do. Do I? Yeah, you do. Fuck. I don't know anyone. I'm just over here chortling away. Don't worry about it.

Okay. Right, right, right, right, right, right. Okay. I'm with you. I'm with you. Yeah, it's good. It's good. But yeah, it is.

I mean, look, as a surname, it's like, you know, anything that's weird or different as a surname doesn't stick out. Because it's like a surname. It's meant to be a little different. But as a first name, that's where you're really cooking with gas. Ben-o. Smith, for example. Diamond dozen surname.

If someone first names Smith, you'd be like, what the fuck's going on here? You're right. I love this. You're right. You actually did right. Jones is a first name. Yep. Very good.

Very good. Yep. Yep. Jones. Jones. Jones Smith. Great. Yep.

Great. That is a good name. What about Mr. Smith and Mrs. Jones or Ms. Jones get together? And then they're like, well, we could, I mean, they, and they also both, they're like, Smith as a first name would be great. Jones as a first name would be great. So what do we go with? Jones Smith or Smith Jones?

Yeah. I think Smith Jones. Smith Jones. Smith Jones is a good one. Yeah, Smith Jones is good. That's great. Yeah. I'll go with that.

I'll go with that. Thanks, Bennett. Thanks, Brenton. Thanks, Benno. Thank you to, oh, let's look, all this talk of food. I know. Got to get out of here. Thanks, Benno. Thank you to... Oh, let's look. All this talk of food. I know. Got to get out of here.

Got to get that. I got to get home before my bag opens up on the tram and I start eating chocolate. Yeah. We're approaching lunchtime. I mean, I know I've got a bad way of thinking about many things, but one little moral guide I have is don't eat chocolate for the first meal of the day. First meal of the day. First meal of the day. That's terrible.

Even though, look, you at five years old or whatever, if you heard yourself speaking like that, you'd be dismayed. That's what I'm doing. I'm constantly fighting against the five-year-old me. Yes, yes. Yeah, yeah. That's what I was going to, I was almost going to talk about that last week, the other week when we were talking to Fiona.

I was like, you know, I have that thing that thing where you know you have a big night out and you go fuck i don't need to drink for a week now whereas someone that's an alcoholic doesn't think like that at all and i've always thought fuck how do they do it like i just don't think that way about alcohol at all but then then you you find a man that's smuggling chocolate in his backpack around town exactly buying fucking bags of fucking biscuits and shit. Yeah. To eat in the car park. So I'm looking at, to me,

I look at you the way you look at Fiona. Yeah, sure. Why doesn't he just not? Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Why is it so hard for him to just not get the muffins? Totally. Totally.

I do have, there's many times... Why can't he just be honest with the people around him? Yeah. Why does he have to betray everyone he loves by eating those fucking tiny teddies like oh the number of times i've been let down by you like we're meant to be doing a recording and you're fucking passed out in the gutter off the back of a brutal sugar high yeah yeah with fucking five packets of mint slice down my gullet yeah um look i i'm Look, I have to go and have a word to my sponsor, Cadbury.

Well, you know, you've got your year chip, but the problem is it's a chocolate chip. So it's just a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy at a certain point. Instead of a year sober, what would it be? A year not sugared up to my fucking eyeballs. Um, let's do, let's do one more.

Let's just do one more. One more song. Get on that tram. Yeah. Stay chocolate sober. Yeah. For the next 20 minutes till I get home. Get a,

get some, get some good food in me. Yeah. White bread. a loaf of, yeah, have a loaf of white bread before you allow yourself the treat of chocolate.

Yeah, yeah, before I eat something bad. I mean, if you allow yourself the treat of chocolate. Yeah, yeah, before I eat something bad. I mean, if you look at the back of both of those packets, it's probably the chocolate's almost better off for you. Those biscuits are probably better for you than white bread. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also, I think the white bread makes me shit myself.

So, yeah, chocolate doesn't do that. All right. Last one for this week. Last one. Number five this week. Oh wow okay right we have i don't think we've done it had this before we've got two complaints and we've read a name out wrong oh wow um okay so apparently we read this guy's name out um a while ago we apologies i said the ridiculous name i said his name was mr comedy sorry so thank you to patreon subscriber mr comedy mr comedy yeah yeah yeah right so comedy

was wrong yeah right i mean looking back of course of course i guess it's like yeah you probably you know in the same way maybe you were reading about the mosque guy before you read out Bennett's name. You're probably remembering the industry that you used to work in back before all this happened. And the way I went in and like shot it up with bad comedy one time. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, destroyed a place of worship, a place where everyone was sitting there, very quiet, very respectful. I've come in and just wrecked everyone's day. Exactly.

Yeah. So, of course, it's the more sensible name, Mr. Comedy. Mr. Comedy. Comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, thanks, Mr. Comedy. And, boy, speaking of that, I can't wait to eat lunch now. Thanks, Mr. Comedy.

Thanks, everyone. You're going to eat cum for lunch? Yeah. Right. Thanks, everyone who supports the show on Patreon. You're going to eat cum for lunch? Yeah. Right. Thanks, everyone who supports the show on Patreon. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub. Sign up. Get two bonus episodes every week.

I don't think those were egg sandwiches in Japan. I think they were something else. Ah, right. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Very, very bright white sandwiches. Well, how do they get it so yellow then?

Piss. Okay, cool. Yeah. Support the show on Patreon. LittleD then? Ah, piss. Okay, cool. Yeah. Support the show on Patreon, littledumbdumbclub.com for merch and the link to our Dumio page and also cameo.com slash badimpressionist. Yes. Heaps of stuff there. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time.

See you, mate. That was cum for Tommy to eat. I love piss.