The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 529 - Ben Lomas & Xavier Michelides

Episode Date: November 17, 2020

Two of the oldest mates of the pod, BEN LOMAS and XAVIER MICHELIDES are back! We hear about Lomas' new sauna as well as one of the last fundraiser gigs that he did before the pandemic. Tommy's had a busy week on Cameo as The Bad Impressionist so we catch up on some of the requests he's done before all of us have a go at responding to a couple of them live on the air. There's also the long-awaited return of Xavier's Corner, featuring some exclusive clips from his new stand-up special PLUS in Talking Dum Dum we hear about the winning bid of The Peg as well as some fundraising for the Koh Phangan restaurant scene. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Ben Lomas and Xavier Michaelides. A lot of fun in this one. Stick around at the end of the episode to hear us in Talking Dumb Dumb, talking about all the other stuff we have going on patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub if you want to support the show. We'll see you at the end. Enjoy this with Ben Lomas and Xavier Michaelides. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo.

With me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. And joining us today, we have two of our very dear old mates great guests ben lomas and xavier michael yes comedy is officially back everyone it's back it's been such a long time not just a lockdown but 20 years since doing this podcast and i can't i'm just so excited to be back what did you do right i know i know i think i'm just assuming there to be back. What did you do right? I know. I was assuming that a lot of soul-searching went on during lockdown. You guys were like, you know what?

What happened to Zay? I just imagined Carl staring out a window. His wife's got the baby and the baby's crying. And Carl's like, honey, what's wrong? It's like, I made a big mistake. So what you're trying to say is you've been self-isolating from this podcast for years. For years. For years.

And the whole journey has just been sitting in a corner going, my time will come. I know, I know. Well, Xavier's Corner continued, but just no one was listening. A lot's happened since the last time you were on. I can't wait to hear the Xavier's Corner about the fucking Hindenburg disaster. What depends on the last few decades? We've got a lot of catching up to do. last time you were on. I can't wait to hear the Xavier's Corner about the fucking Hindenburg disaster. What's the best

in the last few decades? We've got a lot of catching up to do. The host has to go through everything that's happened. Yeah, yeah. Well, you know,

we've come out of lockdown and it's, you know, we've been doing a lot of stuff over Zoom so it's rare for us to see each other in IRL, you know. I mean, Tommy,

you're looking great. I reckon you've lost quite a bit of weight. Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. You've been doing a lot of running. No,, you're looking great. I reckon you've lost quite a bit of weight. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. You've been doing a lot of running. No, but you're looking thin. Yep.

You're looking thin. Thanks, man. I wonder where this is going. Hold on. Hold. Hold. I think we don't know what this is doing entirely. Xavier's looking good.

I've lost about five kilos. You're looking great, too. Thanks for bringing that up. Yep, that's three of us. Anyway, moving on. What else is there to talk about? Moving on. Oh, man.

Great to do a podcast in person again, guys. Isn't it good to see your mates again? It's really nice to see those. Before we started recording a couple of times, we were just chatting and I said to Kyle, are you ready to go? And he's like, just I need another couple of minutes. Now we know what he was talking about.

No, no, no. That one was worked out on Bridge Road. I was thinking about something that's coming up. That was worked out on the tram. Did you look right yet? To be fair though, you've been a stay-at-home dad finishing your kids' meals. Not just that.

Finishing the bakery up the road. Everyone's kids' meals. You've been. Not just that. Exactly. Fishing the bakery up the road as well. No, no. Everyone's kids' meals. You've been a stay-at-home dad. You've been looking after, how many kids have you got? Two. Two.

How many did you have before lockdown? Because you've clearly eaten one of them. Yes! That is good stuff. Comedy is back. Comedy is back.

Yes, no, I have deliciously stacked it on. I have been eating bread or as Nick Cody put it, he goes, look, you stacked stacked it on. I have been eating bread. Or as Nick Cody put it, he goes, look, you stacked a bit on. Yeah, at least you didn't kill your children. It was either one or the other. You've also come into possession during lockdown of a two-person sauna.

Two-person, yes. Or as you call it, a one-person sauna. There we go. How do I walk into that one? I thought you were going to leave that for me. No, but you take it, a one-person sauna. There we go. How do I walk into that one? I thought you were going to leave that for me. No, but you take it. That's good. It looks like fun.

I want to take it. It's obvious that no one calls it a person sauna. It's a person sauna. It wasn't a four-person sauna. No one's specified. Also, that's weird to have a one-person. The idea of a one-person sauna is pretty depressing. No, they're so creepy because I got one for my 40th. And if you go online, you see the one-person sauna is pretty depressing. No, they're so creepy because I got one for my 40th.

And if you go online, you see the one-person sauna. But every photo of the one-person sauna, the person looks like a serial killer. Like they're just getting ready to leave the house and kill someone. So I didn't even know these existed. It's like a little room. It's like a little standalone room that you've bought that you're going to have in your backyard.

And what do you hook it up to? That's what I kind of wear. I've got an outdoor one. But the ones that you... People get you're going to have in your backyard. What do you hook it up to? That's what I can't wait. I've got an outdoor one, but the ones that you... People get indoor ones, like infrared, where they just put in the corner of the living room. So it's a little room that's basically a bunch of hot air in there. Is it just propelled by your stand-up?

No, he's done it. He's done it. I'm outside, riffing and breathing it through. And then you race back inside. And go, nah, needs more, needs more. Needs more. No, so I've got a four-person one that'll arrive in the middle of summer, January.

Oh, beautiful. Exactly when you need it. And then I'm going to put it up. And also, to be honest, in a time like this, it's a room where you all go in and suck in the same hot air. Not great for these times. But that's why I've got to put it up. And also, to be honest, in a time like this, it's a room where you all go in and suck in the same hot air. Not great for these times. But that's why I've got to get it. That's the thing I've missed the most.

It's solo, right? You're just going to be in there solo. Yeah, yeah. And I've got a long one, so I've got a four-person one, so I can fit in it. Pack. We did that one. And then I can lie down.

So I can just lie down and listen. Lie down in the sauna? Yeah, man. I fucking love it. And I listen to podcasts. So I just lie down. I can just lie down Lie down in the sauna? Yeah mate I fucking love it And I listen to podcasts So I just lie down So that's what I would do At the gym

But now there is no way So you'll probably listen to this one Wake up you fat cunt I definitely won't listen to this one So that's the So that's going to get you back on track Because you were a big fan of that Before lockdown

Yeah so what I would do Going in there for a big old schvitz Yeah this is all water weight guys right right listen here Tubby don't fucking get involved

hey stay away from the new guy alright no because you can't like because I would go so I'd go to Virgin Active before a gig

remember them and I would go there before a gig and then I'd do the sauna drop pool sauna drop pool but there's no gig and then I'd do the sauna, drop pool, sauna, drop pool. But there's no way in hell I'm going into a public sauna again. Yeah. I'm like, fuck no.

They're done for a long time. That and buffets. Like, who the fuck's going to do one of them again? Well, clearly you alone. There's a sauna here in my apartment building and surely you can't have that open to a whole building of residents. So I'm so at what point

i'm wondering at what point the building manager goes ah we're putting a pool table in there yeah we're knocking out the sauna we got to be realistic and also you have to play pool by yourself yeah yeah yeah this is one person pool table or two yeah one of those little mini ones it's half a table. I won again. I'm so fat I've never been able to play pool with other people. When your mumma plays around the pool table, she plays around the pool table. Alright, so you've got that sorted.

You've got a one-man sauna. Yeah, one-man sauna. You're welcome, by the way. We all put in. Yeah, no, thank. You're welcome, by the way. We all put in. Yeah, no, no, thank you. I didn't. What we want is just a thanks. It was a very thoughtful gift because if you think about it,

lockdown was very tough, especially for parents, and then when I got the sauna, it was a very sweet gesture. Stop pointing at me because I didn't put in. No, you didn't put in. Xavier, you actually, in the group chat organising the present, you did a Photoshop of Ben's head on an obese, naked man sitting in a sauna. Hang on.

Hang on, a Photoshop or...? Okay. Fuck you. Okay? Yes, I'm going to go with it. No one is as fat as I used to be. It's a fuck you. I feel like they fuck it up.

I go, you know what? We'll make it work. We'll catch up. Have a podcast together. And I fucking call this shit. And literally every 10 seconds, there's not been a 10 second moment where Carl hasn't just been,

and this one, and this one. Tommy did one. Tommy did one. Yeah, I did one. I did one because it just felt weird. I didn't do one. I felt like it was meaner not to do one. Like, why is Xavier not saying anything?

He really cares. Don't you think I don't enjoy putting on this one? I'm going to turn myself in. Carl's in the bunker about to blow his head off as the armed forces come in. Okay, moratorium. Moratorium on the... Five minutes off.

I'll be off in two decades as well now. But yeah, Xavier, you did a Photoshop of Lomas in the sauna. But you can't help yourself. You looked at me funny. You looked at me funny. What did I do? No, no. You looked at me funny.

That made me laugh. But then got printed up and put into the card that was given to Lomas as part of the present. In front of his kids. In front of his kids. I didn't make this photoshop thinking that children were going to be involved in looking at it. And there's definitely his balls or at least his cock. You can see it there like I just brought up my usual folder

of nude men in saunas. And so you're looking at the card and you start giggling to yourself and then your wife is there with your two children and your kid goes, what are you laughing at daddy I want to see what you're laughing at

let me see it as well it's not fair share daddy for once in your life share yeah because like I read out the card that Dil gave me

I was like reading it and then she's like can I look at the picture I was like I don't think so no no not this one if I'd known

I would have found a more appropriate photo. He's like mid-whipping himself as well. Yeah, yeah, it's true. The balls are sort of ones up and ones down. Don't forget, you did two pictures. Oh, did I? There's two photos. So there's two men whipping each other.

So it was great work. Did I? I don't even remember. I'm just a Photoshop master. That's very Zayf. He's inactive in the group chat for about a day and then his first involvement is a very skillfully put together Photoshop with no accompanying text, no explanation for his absence,

not even mentioning if he's chipping in. Just literally his photo that I've made. I always feel like I'm some sort of character in an 80s sci-fi who can only communicate through images yeah yeah yeah the very smart but special person

they're like what are you going to say I've got this image there was a period of time where the only thing I'd hear from you was you posting a link of what was it

Nate's Fireball Fail of a YouTube video of a kid falling off a playground that was so good hey Dave do you want to do a gig tonight

Nate's Fireball Fail is this a yes or a no? I don't know. Should I put you on the poster or not? It's my version of Carl's suck my dick in all capitals. That's what... Hey, Carl, can I have a... You suck my dick.

The best, though, recently, because Carl and I are both working on the project together, and when Carl would get a gig, you'd get a month working on Dennis Cometty's funny stuff. And what Carl wouldn't, you wouldn't go, oh, I better just take the month off. You'd go, I'm going to do a little nice

sweep and swap everything I can. I'm going to call people up. Can I do this one and try and keep the project and keep this one going? You'd have like both. What was I doing? I think you,

I can't remember. It was some sort of like. No, no, no, but I don't understand what you're saying. What was the concept of what I was doing? You've got a conflict where you've got another job.

Another job. And instead of just going to the project, hey, I'm just going to take a month off and do this job. You'd like try and swap every single shift

so you could go like 10 back to back at the beginning and then 10 back to back at the end. And so then you'd message everyone and get to me and go, hey, Savvy,

can you swap this shift? And I'd be like, yeah, here we go. Old Capitals suck my teeth. Oh, the table's turned. What a great feeling. Well, worth it. When Dennis Kometi calls and says,

I want you to ride on my funniest time video show. I mean, sure, you couldn't make rent, but no, you got me. You got me. Yeah, the swap would have been nice. And sure, it helps me out as well. You're now down $400. Jeez. Oh, God, it's good to catch up.

So you've got that sorted out. You've got this one sorted out. Also, what you've got sorted out, you got here 15 minutes early for the podcast. Yes. And then brought out your own fucking percolator. Yes, I brought out. For coffee.

Yes, I brought my own coffee. Not only your own coffee, but your own fucking tin. Yeah, you said, can I have a coffee? And I'm like, ah, you can, but you know, a bit embarrassing. All I've got is like shitty Macona instant coffee. And you're like, don't worry. I've got something more embarrassing. I've got the glad bag of ground beans.

No, I've become like, in lockdown, I just like now, because we've been visiting friends and stuff, and then usually it's like either one family visiting another family, no one's got good fucking coffee. Everyone's like, you know, either it's getting healthy or people are drinking booze. I don't drink booze anymore. I just eat loaves of bread.

I've got to fucking get in early every single day. It feels bad, doesn't it? It feels bad. Did you bring your own sunny crust today just in case you had home brand? I'm going to punch you in the face. And then I bring my own Percolator so I can have coffee because I don't take any drugs anymore, though I've thought about it in the last six months.

But, yeah, no, I bring my own coffee. Is that weird, Xavier? No, no, no, no, no. Yes, yes, yes. I bring my AeroPress with me when I was on tour and I've had it in my bag when I've gone to shoot sometimes

what's an AeroPress it's this little plastic tube it's an American thing and it just makes like a long black and you push it down it does look like a penis pump

100% 100% I've left it in hotel rooms before and I've washed it in the kitchen and then the person put it back in the bathroom. This is a bathroom thing.

Like, what? They're like, sure, you clean the kitchen but put it back in the bathroom, please. I make my coffees with that. Disgusting. As well. Pump your cock up and then make a little macchiato.

They come back in and say, how do you get your little dick in those beans, though? That's the trick. The beans go down the eye of the cock. Just shoot it out. I shoot them out. Yes, it is weird, but I've been doing that. Where is this thing?

Is it here? It's just there. Which, funnily enough, you've brought that, and I have the exact same one of them already. I honestly thought it was a bit. I thought it was a bit I have the exact same one of them already. So you underestimated. I honestly thought it was a bit. I thought it was a bit. I thought you came in going, this will be a little joke.

No, no, no. Because I've been doing it. Because lockdown's been tough. Like, I've been doing weird. Like, people think that's weird. But compared to some of the weird shit I've been getting up to in lockdown, it's nothing. Well, tell us the weird shit.

Like, because there aren't any gigs, right? Uh-oh. This could go anywhere. Well, like, because there aren't any gigs, right? Uh-oh. This could go anywhere. No, no. I killed a guy. But don't mention my weight. See, that was good. No, it's just, it's weird.

So we caught up. So we caught up. We had celebrated your 10-year anniversary of the podcast. That was the first time I was around adults without kids. The only other time I've been doing that... Well, that was actually... It wasn't really to celebrate. That was the first day the pubs were open.

Yeah, which was so lovely. You didn't get any invites. I went to a better party. This is better. Yeah, he's better. So the only other time was... This is better because literally I didn't mention you wait once on that day because I was like, you know what, I'll save this.

I thought you had corona. You were fucking sweating so much. Holding back. Red in the face. Well, what was his excuse? It's so brutal. And I've been doing boot camp for five weeks And nothing's coming off Nothing

No you do look You know what to be honest You do look a bit better today You do No you do I'm waiting I will say no honestly From the last time I saw you

Because you've cut your hair Your hair makes a big difference too Yeah No I look like Ron Jeremy I'll say it out loud I'll join Like last time I

Anyway so This is what I've been doing So I've been at the supermarket So throughout lockdown My Anyway so there's no gigs. I'm with my kids the whole time. The only time I have other adult interactions was at the supermarket. So once a week.

And then I started just doing weird stuff like this. So I would, and I, I purely, at first it was an accident, then I kept doing it. But every time I'd see a baby boomer, like, you know, someone in their sixties with a mask, right? At i would go up to them go excuse me do you know where the rice paper rolls are and then what happens is they get so offended that they think they work there and then i would riff on that now it is super weird right what it's super weird but this is what it got to i was like i'm riffing in the supermarket because that's how much I fucking miss comedy.

I'm doing that. Hey, what do you do for a living? What do you do for a living? And that's when I was like, I need comedy to fucking come back because I'm in struggle straight here. I need comedy to come back. Because you were the most vehement at the start of lockdown.

We did a Patreon episode with you and you were on record, you were convinced it's dead and it's never coming back. And you sort of seemed you'd a Patreon episode with you and you were on record you were convinced it's dead and it's never coming back and you sort of seemed you'd made your peace with that and you were kind of like you were moving on

every conversation I'd had with you you were like comedy's dead forever and you're like anyway I'm going back to uni I'm gonna you know did I say I was going back to uni

yeah I couldn't imagine anything worse that was you know what I gave you quite a few messages I tried to ring you a lot Because after talking to you

For the first time I was like This cunt is in a bad way I was just like When is it coming back Like I could not see it happening Especially when it went down For the second lockdown

I was like We're fucked How am I Where am I gonna riff Where You were Because you used to work in government And you've got a lot of government contacts

And you know Everyone in lockdown Thought that they had the and you've got a lot of government contacts. And everyone in lockdown thought that they had the, oh, I've got a mate on the inside who told me this. But I was hitting you up a lot. Lomas is the king of that. But Lomas, yours would always pan out because friends would say to me, oh, this guy I know reckons this. And then it wouldn't end up happening.

But I would text you for intel and you would go, I reckon this is what I hear is going to happen. And then with 48 hours, it would end up happening. So you were my little scuttlebutt. But this is what you think about it. I did, what, town planning 15 years ago or however long, but all those mates are still in government

and have climbed the ranks. So then lockdown hits and I'm chatting my WhatsApp group going, how good's lockdown? You know, I'm on a wage. How are you going, Ben? I'm like, I'm talking to randoms in a supermarket. Hey, they might be running the state, but you used to warm up the prices right.

So, you know, that's something. I would do anything for that game. The price is right. Now you're just warming up the IGA. What's on special, guys? Yeah, yeah. The shelves covering up the prices. But also, remember, he came in riffing around the IGA.

They thought he was Shaitan Jacobson. I will take that gig. I will take that gig. Well, yeah, you would be missing comedy because you've always, and you've always, you've loved the sitting up the back of the room in gigs and, you know, just observing what's going on. You told me something the other night. You're missing shroud and froid.

Yes, yes. But also that's why, and I think I know what you're going to, but that's why I loved last week's episode because when you started doing bad impressions on Cameo, I was like, oh, fucking... Have you bought one yet? No, I haven't bought one yet. We'll get to that in a minute.

I was leaning into this because you told me something, I guess what must have been one of the last gigs that you did before all this happened was a fundraiser. By the way, I do like that description for the coronavirus now. Before all this happened. I've started doing that. I've started trying to censor the word. Before the troubles.

Before all this unpleasantness. I mean, there are going to be people like that in the future. Like, can you just, if you're going to mention corona, can you put a bit of a content warning up the top of it? Because I don't want to hear about it. Make it the C word like the N word. You're not allowed to say it anymore. I had it.

I'm allowed to say it. My man died of it. I'm allowed to say the actual word. You can say cunt, but you can't say the other single word yeah yeah so it was it was a fundraiser

for a kindergarten out out in the eastern suburbs right it was out in the eastern suburbs it was me and a couple of other comedians and a relatively new comedian

who will remain nameless should I just mention the name no we can work it out Yeah I'll tell you guys after

I'll write it on my phone Okay great I don't want to have to edit this out Yeah totally And so it was one of these gigs Where they're like Hey Ben it's a fundraiser Sorry guys at home

Sorry that you're so fucking annoyed right now Let's just say if this person knew we were talking about him he'd be very angry no no it's not that it's not that

it's not that this person wears a mask so so anyway so it was it was a fundraiser for I think it was a kindergarten

or something I can't remember they all blend into one so anyway I got it was one ofiser for I think it was a kindergarten or something I can't remember they all blend into one so anyway it was one of those ones like hey Ben can you MC and the person

who organises this I know how this works they're like yeah you'll MC it but before you know it you'll have to do all the fundraisers and the fundraisers

you know from like everything from like auctions you'll end up there half the night even after the gift day there's not just comedy there's a lot of admin

there's a lot of not fun stuff we'll draw a r admin there's a lot of not fun stuff we'll draw a raffle at some point or that sort of stuff you're standing on stage with someone for 20 minutes like just going

oh okay pull out another blue ticket and whatever it's not very comedy well part of me does still love it because before I had kids

I would like to do it because I loved auctioning off stuff it was really shit I thought you were saying because I just want to stay out as long as possible. No, because I remember

once I was doing an auction and there was a lovely old lady in the community who had made a pillow. It was no good. And I was like, do I hear $15? $15?

And I was like, here's $5. And I was like, down to $2. And it was really bad because she was just there going, does anyone want to buy my pillow? It's fine.

Man, can I just, I reckon I must have said this before over the years but I once did a gig in auction. So this must be, this was probably on the podcast eight years ago. I'll do it super quickly.

We wear the pyjamas? No, no, no, no. I wish, I wish. We've gone better. Bring back the pyjamas, please. They made, it's summertime, maybe in the winter.

They made the auctions go for so long and they put them in the middle of the gig and they had the lighting. For some reason, the lighting was hooked up to the FBOS machine. So whenever someone would pay for the item, it turned on all the lights. And so we were up performing and you could tell when someone had paid

for the fucking framed picture of Morris Rioli. What is... When the whole place would light up. Oh my God. It's insane. My head's hurting.

The F-plus machine is a pass-through for the lights. Yeah. What the fuck? And so it's like you... As soon as someone bought it and then paid for it,

you'd go, lights on, you'd go, oh, then I'll stop doing this one. No, no, no. You'd just go, okay, another successful sale, I guess, guys.

Thanks for putting in. I had an auction that I did a corporate for a Catholic private school and I just ate shit, first of all. I did a terrible gig and then had the auction afterwards.

But because I just started riffing and I didn't care anymore about saying, you can fucking afford this, mate. How much do you make in doing that? They were like, well, this is better than the fucking show.

I was like, thank God for the auction. Yeah, yeah, totally. Like it was like... Well, there was no than the fucking show. They started cheering. I was like, thank God for the auction. Yeah, yeah, totally. Like it was like... Well, there was no good bit of my auction because that was happening. And as that was happening... You know that thing when that's ruining the gig, so everyone stops laughing at anything.

They sort of delegitimise the gig. So everyone's like, this is a piece of shit gig. I can do whatever the fuck I want. And so I was on stage and it was a gig for two girls who had committed suicide. And it was a fundraiser for their family or something like that, right? So then... What's going to happen?

So then I'm on stage nearly at the end of the night. People are over the gig. The gig's gone for four hours. I'm up doing my little riddles. No, Carl. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's not what you think. Don't do it, Carl. It's not what No, no, no. No, it's not what you think. Don't do it, Carl.

It's not what you think. I'm at the front of the stage doing my little riddles. There's two blokes right at the front of the stage leaning in, actually on stage going can't kill yourself. Fucking kill yourself. At a charity gig, but

people had committed suicide. Unbelievable. How did you get that? at a charity gig but people had committed suicide. Unbelievable. How did you get that? We go back in time and Carl's actually the one in the audience. He invented this memory of himself being on stage because he can't handle the guilt. It's like Fight Club.

It's Carl's eternity of fucking personality. He's looking at it from a different angle. It's like switching sides. With a rubber glove on someone's invented time travel and they're like I'm going back

to kill Hitler I'm going back to kill me to kill myself it's an older version of yourself without pyjamas on so you can recognise

yourself I also did I remember I did two back to back so I did like one fundraiser where it was like in a really ritzy sub

I think it was like Clifton Hill in Melbourne or something and I remember their door prize was just like $800 earrings it was like in a really ritzy sub I think it was like Clifton Hill in Melbourne or something and I remember their door prize was just like $800 earrings like I was like

insane right just so much money your wealthy community and then the next day I was out past Craigieburn like miles away and they had

they had like three auctions and one was two kettles because hey what's better than one kettle two

so did you win half the raffle by the way one for home and one to take with you when you go to someone's house the travel kettle so you won the auction uh the other one was um it was like it's something like it was like um daryl's crazy fun ride i was like oh cool i was like it was something like it was like Daryl's Crazy Fun Ride and I was like oh cool I was like okay here we go

I was like what's Daryl Crazy's Fun Ride I was like oh Daryl he's got a ute chucks the kids in the back and just hoons around the paddock oh wow

that actually sounds awesome why are you into that now I was like I'm not sure if that's legal but who's got $200 I'm a fan of that because I'm more

for one foot blind presence to like experiences rather than objects so I'll take that my wife would be happy with that over earrings I'm sure

or two kettles chuck a blanket in the tray go for a move that'd be heaps of fun exactly yeah okay so

cut to the one Tommy's alluding to so the organiser goes hey can you do this and I was like nah can't be done I just want to do the gig and fuck organiser goes, hey, can you do this? I was like, nah, can't be done. I just want to do the gig. And fuck off. They're like, okay,

well, can you get this younger comedian? He's pretty keen to do it. Can you just help him out with some of the games, right? And I was like... Oh, Mr. Redacted. Mr. Redacted. So we get to the gig.

I do the opening of the show, sort of emcee it. And then he would take over. Mr. Redacted would take over. Yeah, Mr. Redacted. And so anyway, so he does a couple of games, doesn't really know how to do it. and then he would take over. Mr. Redacted would take over. Yeah, Mr. Redacted. And so anyway, so he does a couple of games, doesn't really know how to do it

and then he's got one and the game is where all the parents stand in one corner with a bucket, right? Hang on, he made this game up. No, no, no. It's a real common fundraising game. So I'll just explain it.

Everyone stands in the corner with a bucket, right? Okay. And one corner is, you have a deck of cards. So one corner is diamonds, one corner is hearts, one corner is spades, one corner is right? Okay. And one corner is, you have a deck of cards. So one corner is diamonds, one corner is hearts, one corner is spades,

one corner is clubs. Okay. So you've got a deck of cards. And what happens is you put money in the bucket, right? And then someone draws a card, right? And then if the card, say the diamonds,

everyone in the diamonds doesn't have to pay again. But everyone in the other corners, if you want to stay in the competition, you have to put more money in the bucket. Oh, okay. So it's sort of gambling it's sort of gambling

and the prize at the end was a family trip to Rye for five days pretty expensive in the back of the U with a kettle yeah BYO kettle

well duh they're not animals so anyway so said comedian redacted comedian I was like yeah I think I know how it works I was like okay

so I just pull out the cards and he goes do you have the deck of and he goes do you have the Uno cards like it's not Uno

oh no who goes to Uno first I know when thinking of cards cards I was thinking of Uno I was like here's the deck of cards Cards I was thinking of Uno Yeah I was like

Here's the deck of cards He's like oh yeah yeah Okay so I shuffle shuffle shuffle Everyone goes in the corner I love the idea That they're all in the corners And you pull out a draw four card

Like what the fuck Do we do here? Reverse Take your money out Of the fucking deck Of the fuck Right Now Redacted Comedian

I didn't know this Hasn't played Many cards before Like he hasn't, hasn't played many cards before. Like he hasn't been to the casino very often. Right. Unlike some other people I know, including myself. Had a problem. So anyway, so okay, so here we go.

So I remember I pulled out the first card, right? I was like, here we go. And he goes, and he looks at it for like a little bit too long. And then I'm like, I'm like, he goes, yeah, ace. I'm like, what is he goes? Ace of, I was like, spades, like ace of spades. So everyone's like, puts the money in. Okay, right.

Wow, so he really doesn't know. He doesn't really know. So is it fair to say he's doing this because you wanted to get out of there early? Exactly. You're there watching this not going home over because you're happy to stick around and watch someone eat shit. You're in the back of the room like, I've got to go.

All of a sudden Lomax has all the time in the world. As soon as the word Uno comes out it's like, I'll stick around for this. Sorry love, I'm staying over tonight. I just got the call. My whole family's died so I can just stay here all night I guess. You're right. I was on my way out until he said Uno.

But yet you still didn't take over. You were happy to help Inverted Call but you didn't ever say, you know what, I'll just do it. Okay, I admit part of me

then really started to enjoy it, okay? Because when I pulled out the next one, I was like, what's this? And I was like, nine of spades. And he just goes, okay, nine of clubs. And then I was like, what? and i was like nine of spades and he just goes okay nine of clubs and then i was like what i was like oh no no no no

stop stop stop stop and he's like he goes don't you know clubs he's like oh it's all a bit confusing right and i was like so he's not getting it right right like so i so then from then on i'm helping right right and it gets down to the final two there are thousands of dollars there are two guys who have just pumped in just going, either way, I'm getting that trip. Yeah, this is not fun. This is not fun. This is serious.

This is not comedy. This is not comedy. Inside, I am crying. So then it gets right to the end, and then there's two guys. And by this stage, it goes up in increments. So it's like $2, $5. They are now putting $50 each. Right.

Yeah. And their money is in the hands of someone who doesn't know how cards work. Doesn't know, right. And then there's this beautiful moment where it's like, it's down to it. And I was like, okay, you've got this redacted comedian. You've got this one. It's the final card. They put $200 each.

I was like, this is it. All right. and then he just goes up in the room and i pull it out and it's a four of clubs and with all the enthusiasm he goes four of diamonds and the guy goes yes and i'm like no no no no this is moonlight and lila land and the other guy the other end goes, oh, for fuck's sake. And then I was like,

good luck with the rest of the auction, mate. And then the next day you woke up and saw the news. There's a strange new virus making its way out of China. Could have an effect on the world. But you're right, that was one of the last weird acts.

Because I think they're the geeks like rooms are coming back but I miss the weird ones out the fundraisers yeah sticks yeah in the middle of nowhere

if you're lucky you have to go with a mate yeah I had a lot of those booked out for the whole year so now I'm going to look at my diary and go I would have been in

fucking Kibbutabut Wiggy where you know like some wild fucking suburb I've never heard of and I'd go yeah I'm definitely going to be there

and then also suburb again kibbitabbit kibbitabbit yeah it sounds like you're thinking New Zealand yeah yeah yeah

I'm fucking going to New Zealand alright I'm only going to pay 350 bucks so whoops I had heaps

of those booked it was weird so Tommy going back to what you were talking about speaking of like all all stand up comedy is dead

so everyone's looking at new ways of getting income now last week on the show we we we didn't christen we didn't even come up with the idea we sort of formed the idea

we formed the idea on a bonus episode a little while ago and it was we thought it was such a heater that we had to get it onto the main feed. Yes. Now you are you've got a handle on impressions you're not the best impressionist. I

very much enjoy your work. I don't think I'm even good at impressions. Right. So you certainly know I've never thought of you being an impressionist. Thank you. Well you certainly know you wouldn't become you being an impressionist thank you to this very moment well you certainly you wouldn't become a professional impersonator

or anything like that so it's easy for you well before COVID the thought would have never crossed my mind there's enough other things we've all had to take up jobs and you've gone into

the lucrative market of impressions good choice some of these people might die of COVID and then I'll be the only one left the thought is on Cameo

there's good impressionists but there's a gap in the market for bad impressionists. There's no bad impressionists on Cameo. Which I absolutely love. Because this is the thing,

if you get an impression for someone, you don't want it to be spot on. If you're getting it on Cameo, you want to laugh at it being a bit cheap.

Unless you're a big fan of the star. Well, especially what I thought particularly because for Tommy's birthday I got him a bad impression. I saw a guy fan of the star. Well, especially what I thought particularly because, you know, for Tommy's birthday, I got him a bad impression. I saw a guy doing Ron Burgundy and he didn't market it as good, as bad. He thought it was good.

I thought it was bad. So I paid $100 for it. It's pretty awesome. You should look this guy up because he's bought the suit. He's gotten a set made of, like, the news desk and everything. It's a cash grab. So just to look at it image wise you go fuck this is really impressive.

And then he opens his mouth and it's like what is this? He's put all the work into everything else except for the actual impression. He just talks and every now and then he'll say a word from that movie just to remind you of who he is. So he'll just be like happy birthday Tommy.

A lamp? Oh okay right. so he'll just be like happy birthday Tommy a lamp oh okay right wait wait have you seen the movie I think I did a better impression there is that Steve Drell

lamp Steve Drell says I love lamp and then Ron Burgundy goes lamp hope your birthday makes you happier than a whale's vagina

there you go that's a good Ron Burgundy job done job done time to hang up the suit you talked about that Hope your birthday makes you happier than a whale's vagina. That's a good Ron Burgundy. Job done. Job done. Job done. There we go. Time to hang up the suit.

You talked about that. You plugged it. You said you were going on sale. That day the episode came out. Yep. Now you have been, is it fair to say you've been flooded this week? I would say a good term for it is inundated. Oh, wow.

Absolutely inundated. Do you want to hear a list? Well, so first of all, when we were plugging it, the goal was be a bit creative. Don't just try and think of actual funny ones. Cut to the first handful I get. I mean, never underestimate the lack of imagination of some people that listen to this show. Never underestimate the lack of taste coming from people

who deliberately listen to this. Yes. First of all the lack of taste coming from people who deliberately listen to this? Yes. First you, oh, do Nick Capa. Oh, do Pablo Francisco. It's like, those are the first few and I'm looking at it

thinking, I've made a huge mistake. Milk was a bad choice. It's the great thing. There we go. I know the voice there as well. Very good. Very good.

So, yeah, so it sort of takes a, you know, it's all chaff. It's all chaff for the first. And I'm thinking. Do you have to do that because people have paid for it? You get, I think you get about three days to do it. And if you don't do it, it just. The money gets refunded.

I think it defaults and they don't pay. Yeah. But the app will tell you like you've got two days. So if one comes through that you don't want to do You can also I think you can knock it back For whatever reason Because people must get requests

That are like You know People must get like Fuck, hate groups and stuff That I'm like Say this we want an ad for What if Frank Spencer said the N word You know

There'd be a lot of that Alright I think it'd go A little something like that Yeah Yeah Or can you do the lyrics Of Snoop Dogg Off you lyrics of Snoop Dogg? Off you go.

Beat Snoop Dogg. Yeah, exactly. You'll be like, I don't think so. Yeah. So here's a bit of a list of the ones that I've done so far. Right. Excluding the chaff. So here we go.

Sean Connery, Matthew McConaughey, Rudy Giuliani, Charlotte from Geordie Shore, Seinfeld and Kramer, Homer Simpson, Boris Johnson Geordie Shore, Seinfeld and Kramer, Homer Simpson, Boris Johnson talking to Scott Morrison, Hannibal Lecter, John McClane from Die Hard, Sonic the Hedgehog, Pamela Anderson, and Warwick Capper. Sonic doesn't really... The problem with Sonic is that he's been...

He's just going, me, me. Oh, no, it's Roadrunner. Oh, my God. Now, that's good. If someone asks for Sonic again I'm doing that That's a bad impersonating right there That's a really good one

Not even understanding the character On the most basic level Do all fast things look the same to you? Because you're so slow Yeah Well Sonic because he's been There's so many different media representations of Sonic And they've all been voiced by different people

So there's not a unified Sonic voice So I just did him as Trump Actually Sonic has been many iterations Throughout the generations So you guys have to be a lot more specific We're talking early 90s The most recent movies Like fucking hell

How dare you I know for a fact that you're as into this stuff as I am I was just close to saying chilli dogs just to help like help you out and I thought no no no

that's the dumb thing it's the dumb dumb club I make fun of turn on you mean gotta be mean but TV you're good at them you're good at impersonations

no I'm not actually I'm not but this is why I thought you'd be good to have on because you're you're good at voices I'm good at voices but I'm not good at impressions

and I've often people have got confused and they often ask me and they go oh you do impressions I've even been asked I once did a workshop you know when they

when early early on when they're making a TV series they do the workshop date where they just let's just have some fun we'll shoot some sketches in the studio and it's not really the pilot

we'll see what happens and they got me in because someone said Xavier's good at impressions and fuck me I was in trouble I had to do This was a while ago

I had to do Korean rapper Psy Oh Yeah Yeah Do it now And it went a little bit Like this

No no I can't believe You're doing the eyes The eyes right into the mic People at home can't hear They can hear it actually to be fair that's not me being a bad impressionist

that's them being dumb fucking racists like I'll tell you later who was in charge of this workshop after the show but yeah

I'm not I can do voices so that's what that actually would be right up my alley because I could do something so close you can do Sean Connery

you can do Sean Connery I thought but Sean Connery is easy everyone can do that well I beg to differ can I hear your Sean Connery but Sean Connery is easy everyone can do that well I beg to differ can I hear your Sean Connery oh so good oh hello Xavier

it's me Sean Connery appearing on the little Dom Dom Club apparently you think my voice is quite easy to do I reckon that's good that's not so bad man

I mean it sounds Dutch but close enough yeah yeah now he's a bit Dutch now you do it Carl no no no. I'm no chance. I'm no chance.

Just close your eyes and try. Just try. Whatever comes to your mind. What am I trying to do? No, because this is going to be worse than mine, and then this guy's going to come in and steal my... People are going to... He's going to set up his own page, the worst impression.

What I thought, what I thought is a better idea is because I... Look, I'm like the great unwashed out there. I think you're good at impressions. I thought maybe you could... There's a gap in the mark of a cameo you do an impression

of the bad impersonator you get on cameo you're Xavier Michaelides Tommy Dasolo the bad impersonator send me someone's bad impression on cameo and I will do it again

for you so you now that you've listened to he's Sean Connery you do a bad impression of he's Sean Connery hello I'm Sean Connery that's do a bad impression of He's Sean Connery. Hello, I'm Sean Connery.

That's good. That's pretty good. I'm James Bond. I don't know where you've gotten that from. It did sound a little Russian at the start. But it's like the VHS tape of the VHS tape. We're getting some weird lines. Each copy gets a little bit looser, a little bit shakier.

It's sounding a bit like getting a copy of Basic Instinct out of Blockbuster. Exactly. Can hardly see Xavier's pussy. As soon as the legs open it's just all static. So literally the first request I got

Ever On Cameo Was for People aiming big People want big celebrities Impersonated Ben Lomas Wow

That was the first one I got asked for Just Ben Lomas Just be Ben Lomas Or was it Like request It was Ben Lomas

Let me double check I think it was Ben Lomas Doing This is the thing Was it from his wife Ben Lomas. Let me double check. I think it was Ben Lomas doing something. This is the thing. Was it from his wife? Ben Lomas impression 30 kilos down. Oh, come on, mate. Oh, my God.

It ripped. My alarm just went off. That was exactly 20 minutes. Thank you. Just waited, waited and waited. You're welcome. But then came in, like, if you wait long enough, it's no longer funny and fun.

It's all, like, very hard. Wife wants something shittier, you fucking loser. Jesus. But this is my question. Is it ones where people go, it's like someone doing someone? No, that one was you wishing this person's girlfriend a happy birthday because you're their favourite stand-up. Oh!

That's very nice. So it was your wife. This is the other thing Go through I mean no It was pretty shit Come on We're not allowed to touch We didn't even have to do it

It's on the radio Because when I heard about it I just couldn't stop thinking Because I was like Yes you are bad at impressions And I was like But it's not totally Entirely fair

That Tommy does all of them Because I love the idea Of you doing impressions Carl Well I I definitely would be worse At Tommy Because I genuinely I've always said to you doing impressions, Carl. Well, I definitely would be worse at Tommy because I genuinely, I've always said to you, Tommy,

I think you're talented at it. Thank you, Carl. I love doing impressions. Yay! That's good. That's good. That's a free one. That's a free one.

That's great. That's the best thing about being on this show. I don't have to pay 20 bucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get it free. This is the other thing, like writing that list

before and like going back through the ones I've already done because so many because it just shows you the actual video like you can't expand the whole message

of what people sent you and so I'm watching the video back to see what it is and so many of them it's like 15 seconds in and I haven't said the name of the impression yet

and I having only done it literally a day ago I'm looking at it going what the fuck is this meant to be like even watching my own work back I couldn't remember who the impression

was meant to be and I did it myself a day before that's where you gotta get the costume alright get the Lomas costume I did one in costume and the costume for Lomas is Carl a very good comedian it makes it worse when I heard when I listened to the episode I was like Very good comedian. Yeah. It makes it worse.

Hey, because I remember when I heard, when I listened to the app, I was like, I kept trying to think of ones that I wanted you to do. But then it was hilarious. I realised I was thinking about it way too much when my daughter just comes up to me. I'm just on the couch like, Daddy, what are you thinking about? I was like, I'm thinking about my friend Tommy Daslow

pretending to be Carl, but Ace Ventura pet detective telling open mic comedians to never do comedy again. Okay. Wow, that's a good convoluted one. Lomas is, to nail Lomas though, is sort of you're a winner and a loser though, because how often are you going to use that? Like that's a spot on Lomas.

But it's like when I nailed McGregor five years before he was famous. I had McGregor down and no one knew who he was that's true and it just didn't help

okay Carl as Ace Ventura telling an open mic to fuck off now imagine for the visual of this that I'm bending over talking out of my ass

oh yeah squeeze me can I ask you to fuck off get more stand up in it though that could be anything what? get more off? Get more stand-up in it, though. That could be anything. What?

Get more stand-up? Get more stand-up references in there. Oh, fuck. All right. What are some other... I thought that was good. Yeah, that was good. What are some other quotes from Ace Ventura?

I'm already thinking about this one more than I've thought about any of the others. Yeah, because this is me. This is a stand-up asking you for a gig. Yeah, but I want these to be good because I'm at my main job at the moment. You know, I'm not at my side hustle on Cameo. What if he does political stuff? If you voted for Trump, you're a loser. Political.

Oh, they're on Strange. They're like, what was it? Oh, fuck. This is why I don't do them. What was the other case? Well, you're me. What is this? I can't wait for be on Gabby O.

It's just you trying to remember things. Oh, who is he? What is it? Give me a second. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Video ends. Yeah, a lot of mine are like that because some of these ones that have come through,

I don't really know how the person sounds or in some cases, literally who they are. And you refuse to do research. Yeah, I got one of Charlotte from Geordie Shore. I've never watched that show. I don't know who that person is. And I told my girlfriend about it and she was like,

oh, you know, I'll show you some clips. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. I'm like leaving the room because I'm like, I don't want to be influenced. That's not what the bad impression is. What did you do? What did you...

And... Because it was... Oh, it was a guy getting it for his wife who's quit smoking. Oh, I've heard you've quit smoking. That's fucking great. Is that Sean Connery again? That was a better Sean Connery than your Sean Connery.

You're close to Sean Connery to his Charlotte from Geordie Shore. Yeah, the wife watches it and goes, oh, fuck, 007 wants me to quit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone on social media said, oh, I can't justify spending the money, but I'd love you to get a Bill Clinton.

And I'm like, someone actually did already get a Bill Clinton. It was meant to be a Matthew McConaughey, but halfway through it was like, okay. This is Bill Clinton. Because it's sort of like a bit of a Kinder Surprise because you ask for an impression.

Yeah. And a lot of these halfway through, they're just getting one that they didn't even bargain for. As I realise, what I'm actually doing here is, yeah, Bill Clinton or... But what about this? So you've been rolling in it. You've been getting heaps of these. We've got our own dummy-o one that's just me and you.

Yeah. They're sort of a bit scarce on the ground at the moment. I'm doing you a real favour by appearing in them at this point. Yeah, I know. I know. They're all going towards the cameo to you. Yep. Now, on last week...

Your cameos is Tommy in the background doing his cameos? Yeah. You can see him go, I'm Sean. Hang on. I can only get him for two seconds. Tommy. Yeah, hang on. Tommy here.

One second. Anyway. Root me. I don't know who that's meant to be. Same Edna. Can I be in the background of one of your cameos plugging? Just in the background plugging the dummy-o? Yeah, well, I've got a couple here.

So we could do... I thought we could maybe do a couple live on the air. Yeah, sure. Because I've got a couple of good requests here. Because also, another one of the early ones I got was for Xavier Michaelides doing Carl Chandler's duck sandwich. Mark in Jackie Chan's voice. Yeah, here we go.

I'll definitely be doing Carl later. I couldn't possibly impersonate another ethnicity. It wouldn't be right for an Italian to impersonate a Greek. It would not be right. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, right. I like this. I forgot you, right. I like this. I forgot you're Italian.

I'm not. I know, I know. Easy to forget. On the podcast, you're Italian, and you're always leaning into it as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why you thought it was Desolo, because you're always going,

I've got to get a pasta. See you guys. When are they coming for me? My days are numbered, I reckon. At what comedy headquarters? They're just like, all right, what are we going to do about this Dastler character? He is taking a big piece of the pizza pie

and he is not allowed to. Last week's episode and the bonus episode, when we percolated this idea, I'll be honest, I think I did most of the heavy lifting, when we percolated this idea, I'll be honest. I think I did most of the heavy lifting in terms of coming up with the idea. Okay. Sorry. Okay.

Here we go. Here we go. You go back and listen to it. I think I came up with the entire idea. You haven't listened back to it? No, no, which I haven't. I haven't. So what I'm saying is I kind of think I'm the Matt Groening of this Simpsons. So if you see anything to do with the Simpsons out there,

it's got to have a little Matt Groening. So I think from now on, every time you do a video, there's got to be like a piece of paper in the corner saying my name or maybe you become Carl Chandler's Tommy Daslow, the bad impersonator. I think I want some watermarking on this. Because this is big now, isn't it? It's taking up a lot of time. It's honestly taking up more time than I would like it to.

Because the thing is, even though they're meant to be bad, and I'm just doing what it says on the box, it still is very stressful. Some of them coming through, and even though I know that they're meant to be bad, I still look at most of them and go, how the fuck am I going to do it?

There's some that I've put off for like a day because I'm like, I cannot. You can't completely phone it in otherwise people will go, well, this has been a scam. How did you go with Denzel Washington?

Denzel Washington. If you go, if you go to cameo.com slash the bad impersonator. Slash bad impressionist. Bad impressionist, right. You can see a couple of them. So for people at home listening, you can actually go and see like four or five of them, I think, on that page.

There's a preview. I think the person who orders it has to decide whether they want it to be on the page or not. Yes, right. But there is definitely. I've been watching the ones on there because I'm really enjoying it. I've got one I want to pay for. Yeah. Right.

Okay. Any hints? Tom Ballard at a right wing protests refusing to put his mask on. Okay. That's spicy. Jesus. Fuck it.

Chuck down a lobster on the table? Yeah. Let's cut out cameo the middleman. Can you imagine doing this As a busker Can you imagine Just being in the city Oh that's good Walk around the supermarket

Going up to people Do you want a bad impression Yeah Sir we've asked you To leave many times What if What if next time We do a live show

I guess after the show You just do like Half price Because they're IRL Instead of Instead of recording The saddest merch table Of all time.

Yes, yes. Well, I mean, the ones I'm enjoying. Like Lucy and Peanuts, the psychiatrist. Yeah. Psychiatry advice for five cents or whatever. It's like Tommy doing bad impressions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a kissing booth.

Yeah, Carl Chandler's kissing booth. Yes, yes. Well, yeah, on Friday as it was really gathering momentum, I was out for lunch and my phone is just constantly going off with these and then I walked past a guy sitting in the street with like a sign, you know, a hat out looking for money and a sign saying COVID's taken

everything from me, like my house and my job, I have nothing and I was just like, what a fucked world that we live in where it's like this guy has nothing and I'm sitting there just making this frankly disgusting amount of money for just, it's offensive. It's honestly like, if that guy. How dare Daslow make any money?

I mean, this is offensive. If that guy could see my cameo page, he'd fucking just, he'd kill himself. It'd be like, what's the point in living if, it's like, the DAC is. And is that what you said to him? Hey, mate, just do the dumbest thing you can think of and you'll make money.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. By accident. It's not even like a thought out business. Don't even think about dumbest thing you can think of and you'll make money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. By accident. It's not even like a thought-out business. Don't even think about it. Just start doing something dumb and you'll make money. Trust me. Why don't you outsource it? Why don't you go down to one of these guys

and just put the phone in front of him and go, here you go. That is a slippery slope. You're going to start paying homeless people to do things for you. What are you doing? All right? You're a week away from doing bum fights, okay?

Just don't. Take him into an alleyway and offer to teach him comedy Then Do that, all the problematic ones Just go, okay you want to do Michael Jackson, cool, get this guy Get this homeless guy to do it Can't get cancelled

Police, are you listening to this? As we use as evidence That's great, cancelling a homeless guy We have to take everything from this man. You can't get this 7-Eleven prime spot anymore. You have to go down to the end of that cul-de-sac. No one walks down there. All right, let me find some good ones I've got here

that I haven't gotten to yet. And we can do them live on here. Maybe a bit of a cameo. A cameo on cameo. Yes. Yeah. I can't do any voices. Maybe a bit of a cameo. A cameo on cameo. Yes. Yeah. Right. What's this? I can't do any voices.

What are you talking about? You do your high-pitched voice. That's the voice. I worked on a sketch show that will remain nameless. Everyone knows what it is. No, no. It's like five skits. It will remain ratingless, I think.

And it will remain viewerless. I it will remain viewerless I was like do you want any and jokeless yeah yeah that's where you were going we just I helped you no no no

glad I brought it up but I had like a voice coach to learn how to do accents yes actually speaking of getting cancelled yeah back to your sketch show that wasn't my sketch show the sketch show you created and invented Ben Lomas presents the wedge so I had a like a vocal coach to learn how to do accents

right now I was like I was like they'll sit down if you want to do that I was like yeah I'd love to do that can't do it and I had like four sessions by the end of the fourth session. They're like, don't worry about it, mate. They give you a phrase and then you just keep doing your high-pitched voice. Top of the morning to you. Top of the morning to you. Top of the morning to you. The accent coach going, Ben, why are they all Chinese? I'm giving you Irish.

I'm giving you Scottish. And you nail Chinese every time. What's wrong with you? Okay, what have you got on the list? All right, here we go. What about this one? This calls back to something previously that we've talked about on the pod,

probably I think two years ago now. Can I please have a bad impression of Borat talking about heavy trucks slash cement mixes? Okay. Okay. Xavier, far away. talking about heavy trucks slash cement mixes. Okay. All right. Okay. Okay.

Xavier, far away. Why don't we wait until we have a... That's an easier one. That is true. You do that one, and then if there's a real hard one later... You guys want to G me up, or do you want me to just go into it? He just nailed it.

He just fucking nailed it. Do it again. Do it again. Do it again, please. Yeah, cement truck. That is very please. Yes, a mid-track. That is very good. Yeah, it's really good. Lomax is enjoying it.

Yeah, it's a big track. Why don't we do this? Why don't we film it? You go by yourself and then you just pan around the table. We all have a crack. All right, here we go. So set it up properly for you. Okay, Geordie.

You've been booked this by Joel Murray. He wants an impression of Borat talking about heavy trucks and cement mixers. So here we go. Isn't it, Borat? I think a heavy truck is very nice. I put my wife in the cement mixer and it turned around and yuck she mesh and make a whirring sound that sounded like a wah wah wee wah. Yeah, so there you go.

There's me having a crack. Now let's get a special guest attempt. Yeah, yuck she mesh. I am fat again. I am the size of a cement truck. I am the size of a cement truck Cement mixer Where did it stop? It's just a heavy truck, yes?

Okay My truck So there you go, mate You've gotten four bad impressions And a bit of a preview of this week's episode of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Thanks, mate. Thanks for listening.

Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it, mate? Is that it? Oh, yeah, there we go. That's a good one. That was very good.

Who do we invoice for that one? Yeah, I've got to divvy this up now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got to split this $15 four ways. I've done the math. It's about $100. Come on. Yeah, you may charge $15, but we charge $100. We charge $100.

Okay, here's another one. Oh, by the way, funnily enough, I got two Borats back to back. Oh, really? I'll do that other one later. This one, okay, this guy wants a message from Elvis to show to the woman that he is getting married to before the ceremony. No. What? You suck, dude.

Gross. He wants to get, he's trying to get out. He's trying to get out. But also like Because only Like him and his wife Will know that No one else

Unless they're all Dum Dum fans Will understand What's going on Yeah Well and also He hasn't Yeah I don't know

I'm assuming he just Well I mean it's bad luck To you know See the See the Bright Before Yeah it's definitely

Bad luck to play A fucking cameo Like Yeah Yeah Well and also He hasn't specified which type of Elvis

I mean we've got late stage here with us sorry if anything see ya mate if it's any consolation

I'd like to think that's more of a burn on Elvis than you yeah Elvis wasn't that big come on I haven't said a word I haven't said a word.

I haven't said a word. That's very true. That's very true. You're not allowed to. Oh, hang on. Request here from Carl. Oh, okay. Elvis.

But everyone can do Elvis. You can easily be able to do Elvis. Yeah. Go. Are we going to do it on the thing? Yeah, should we do this? Should we make this the last one we do live? Okay, here we go.

Okay, here we go. All right. Three, two we go. Okay, here we go. All right. Three, two, one. Hey, Jackie. Happy wedding day. Jesus Christ. This is a message from Jono who wanted a message to play for you before your wedding day. I'm so sorry about this, but it's out of my hand from the king.

And I'm sure after the wedding night he's going to be saying thank you very much. Okay. Now that's my crack. I had that in the chamber. What are we talking about? If you think that's pretty bad

well then why don't you get a load of this. I'm Elvis and I died on the toilet as you can tell. That's not Elvis. I just shout. She said Elvis

not Woody Allen you fucking idiot. Go to him. Alright from fat Elvis to skinny Elvis, I just said. She said Elvis, not Woody Allen, you fucking idiot. Go to him. All right, from fat Elvis to skinny Elvis, here it is. Fuck me tender. Fuck me right. Never don't suck me off. Porno Elvis.

I know, you had some cheers. Viva divorce. You're getting divorced. There we go. All right. Hey, good luck at your wedding. And yeah, I hope she hasn't gone runaway bright on you. Thank you very much.

See you, mate. How many have you got I tell you You've got so many to do Carl you're a natural Cover comedian Do you know that You should definitely Get into doing cover songs

What do you mean They come to you Naturally doing cover songs Like doing Parody songs You just went into that With no By the way also

We all did this I love how many Of the great impressions Start with And you stood up You stood up To go You went Okay By the way, also, we all did this. I love how many of the great impressions start with, uh. And you stood up to go, ah, you went, okay. But also, did anyone notice that Carl actually could hold a tune? I didn't know that. You can hold a tune.

You can quickly take any song and turn it into a parody. It's an untapped market for you, mate. You've got to be doing parody songs. You should start doing parody songs on stage you should no no no shh it's working

let's not get greedy he's really positive about it I cannot wait six months from now and he's doing it confidently

in a fucking crowd of people with a keyboard learns to play piano and he's doing it and like imagine but so good it was good me andl doing split bill shows i'm up

there dressed as ron burgundy impersonating george w bush and then carl's coming out after me with a keyboard i'm a weird owl impersonator yeah yeah he's going my corona wow the dumb dumb boys have My Corona. Wow, the Chum Chum Boys have done it again. On the X-rated one. Suck me up. That's not really anything, really. He said this was a parody of Corona. It doesn't really make any sense. Well, we've got to get into a couple of things here. Xavier, it's been a little while since you've been on the show.

It has. We're almost an hour into the episode. And the people at home, they're creaming their jeans over this. We need the return of a long-running segment. A much-loved segment. Much-loved segment, Xavier's Corner, because you were one of the earliest guests on the show. I think, was it second or third episode?

Maybe third. I can't remember. It was the first duo episode, I remember. Yes. Because you actually started with single guests. Yep. And then when you called me up, I think you got cold feet and called Cody immediately.

And I was like, I remember I turned up and I went, hey, Cody, what are you doing here? And he was like, yeah, we're doing a podcast. And I'm like, fucking hell, guys. Do you know what? I went through the archives the other day and I didn't notice that. I was like, what's that about?

Yeah. How come we had two on that one? You just gave up faith that I wouldn't deliver after the third episode and at that point Cody was only doing comedy for what

three months he was like no no he'd done the very first episode I think we got five episodes in and went

time for a return episode for Cody I guess we've gone through all the comedians but you know who he did the same thing to as well Ronnie Chang

pairing him up with someone for safety who doesn't even do comedy anymore. So what does that tell you? With Lomas. Right. They're still doing comedy. But Xavier's Corner, I can't really remember how it started, what it's even really meant to be.

You guys said, what have you got going on? I've got heaps of stuff doing my own podcast within a podcast and I think someone you said Xavier's Corner and then I was listening another segment I've come up with you've come with

everything that happened in Australia is Carl's idea Xavier's Corner you really are like Matt Groening in that you're on the flight logs of a certain

aeroplane and then I was listening to an episode and then Tommy you said I wonder how Xavier's Corner is going and then Carl said nothing's going to happen he's not going to make that like you were like riffing on and I was listening to an episode and then Tommy you said I wonder how Xavier's corner's going and then Carl said nothing's going to happen

he's not going to make that like you were like riffing on and I was like fuck you I'm going to make that so the next episode I came on with a vendetta

to prove you guys wrong right right right so it came from anger yeah yeah I feel like that at the moment I know I know man I don't know

what you're going to do it's not going to be a fun little speech I'm not going to eat for five months. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Most things on this show is inspired by Spice. Yeah, yeah, it's very true.

I'm going to go to a shooting range. So, Lomas is going to learn how to fire a gun. So, should we just get into it? Yeah, yeah, let's hear this. Here we go. It's ready now. We can start again if we can't hear it, but I think we should be able to.

Here we go Politics Food Topics You're standing in Xavier's Corner Welcome back to Xavier's Corner It's been a long time between drinks But it's great to be back

My guests this week are Tommy Daslow Thanks so much for having me And of course Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads. I forgot I'm so dumb on this show. Now, some great news from you guys. I hear, Tommy, you're having a baby.

That's right. I'm going to have a little baby. That's right. I put cum in Tommy's tummy. Ooh, Xavier's corner. Now, some of the other exciting news. It turns out the friend of the show, Xavier Michaeliti, has a comedy album coming out.

Is this true? Yeah, that's right. He's a good friend of us. We have him on all the time. And he's got a new standout special coming out. Well, it sounds really exciting. Hi, my name's Dominic. My name's Chris. And he's called Matt.

And we've had a band called Muse and you're watching Rage. And that was Rage. That was Rage. Well, let's have a little... Have you guys got a clip? Oh, that's right. We guys got a clip Oh that's right We've got a clip of Xavier's

Sound of Special It's called Let Us Do This And it's on Stupid Old Studios Presents And here's a clip So I'm down at the shops See some guy in there I'm like what are you doing

You fucking idiot Wow that's great stuff Oh Wow, that's great stuff. Boy, I hope I get to impersonate that someday. I'd love to hear another one if you've got it. Yeah, we've got another clip. Let's play it up. I mean, what's in a Chico roll? What sort of animal is a Chico?

I mean, I don't know what it is, but I think it's fucking delicious. Well, that's all the time we've got on Xavier's Corner. He's done it again. He's done it again. Thanks for listening. Thanks, Tommy. Thanks so much. So great to be here.

And thank you you Kyle Chandler Oh Xavier's corner Worth the wait Now weirdly enough Xavier In a case of Art imitating life You actually do

In real life Have a stand up special Yes yeah yeah yeah That's an actual ad That's an actual ad Called Let Us Do This Which actually I used the same title From a comedy festival a while back

because there was a gag in it. And I don't know if you remember, but I was on an episode with Hannibal Buress where I announced the title of that show to you guys. And I think half the episode was just you guys going, what a fucking dumb title. Let Us Do This is the worst. To the point that Hannibal Buress went, no, man, I think it's okay. I get it. It us do this. This is the worst. To the point that Hamble Burris went,

no man, I think it's okay. Like, I get it. It's a pun. Can you leave your friend alone? Like,

it's alright. It's not that bad. But you guys are like, no, it's the fucking worst. That's how we work. I mean, he dissed Bill Cosby

for being a date rapist but we were like, no, this is the real villain. This is the real guy right here who should not be allowed to still perform

alright well we better wrap it up for another week on the little dumb dumb club Ben and Xavier thanks so much for joining us thank you real pleasure go to sospresents.com

yeah sospresents.com it's a real thing it's a real thing ten dollars it's a real thing whole stand up special and also there is just quickly

there's a sketch at the beginning which features a character that we all created, Frankie Yabby Bait. Oh, wow! But then I changed

the name of the character at the last minute but it is the same character in there. It's just like, you didn't want us to come after you for the rights

to Frankie Yabby Bait. No, no, no. I decided, I saved it, I put Frankie Yabby Bait in the web series that I'm doing at the moment. So he will,

in name, will appear being played by Zach from Arnie Garner. We actually are great. Yeah, I can see that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He does it real well. He's a good Frankie.

Wow. Wow. Huge play. Huge. Ben, you've got the podcast Fitbit. Fitbit, where it's all about me losing weight and stacking it back on again. Interesting. You've got to keep the podcast going.

No, no, no. It's great. So now we're on Patreon. So now I'm doing it on Patreon. So a lot of listeners of this show, it's me and Dorot Jai Singer. So check out Fitbit. Yeah, great. Listen to the podcast Upside Down and learn from what Lomas did.

Yes. Yeah. Great. Thanks, guys. Thanks for listening. And we'll see you next time. See you, mate. And they've done it again.

Oh, they're back. They're absolutely back, those blokes. Sometimes I take the piss a little bit and I sort of rag them a bit for going a bit long. But, you know, when you're that good, I guess, stretch your legs. Yep. You would have heard that many times over your room running career. You say to someone,

oh, you went a bit long and they're like, but I was killing. Yeah. Oh, no, I haven't really. I didn't really hear it that much. Really? No, I think that's,

that's not something I personally heard too much. Okay. Usually because once I started going long, I started booing. Oh, right. So they couldn't actually say they were killing.

They couldn't say they were killing. Someone was booing, so I can't really claim that, but it was me. You were bombing with one person in the room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then people would see me and go, that looks like fun. And so everyone would start joining in as well. I do think that every time I see someone booing. Yeah.

Like, I want a little piece of this pie. Yeah. Are you going to finish that? Yeah. Can I boo some of that? Can you pass that on? Can I have a go at that? pie. Yeah. Are you going to finish that? Can I boo some of that? Can you pass that on? Can I have a go at that? Mm-hmm.

Boo. But yeah, they have done it again. And look, we're talking the show within a show, talking Dum Dum, and another show within a show, Xavier's Corner. And I know that's not really within our jurisdiction technically, but I'd like to say the fellas in Xavier's Corner have done it again. Yep, yep. And I would say that when you were giving it a bit of a run up as to

it coming back, I just felt thousands of people going, oh fuck, Rad Dad's back. Yeah, I wonder if Rad... God, what would Rad Dad be making of this whole COVID nonsense? I actually haven't thought of that once in the last few months, but that's an interesting

That is interesting. It's an interesting point. Maybe we need to check in on some stage. With such a big fat hack premise, maybe Rad Dad does need to get involved. Yep. I mean, he'd have thoughts about the sounding like a beer. Oh, what? Yeah.

The virus doesn't sound like a beer. I don't get it. COVID. COVID lager? COVID lager. Fuck, someone's probably doing that up as a limited edition. That would be good if Corona, the beer, did that as a limited run. They just call themselves COVID for like a month.

Man, just if Corona just leant into it. Just went, yeah, I mean, yeah, it's not, it's not. Fuck it. Let's just go for it. This drink will give you the virus. Oh, you know, there are ads where it's like from where you'd rather's not it's not yeah fuck it let's just go for this drink will give you the virus or you know their ads where it's like from where you'd rather be and it's someone on a beach it's someone in a hospital bed on a ventilator yeah drinking of corona beer from where you'd rather be yeah if they just like put the logo of the virus and whatever on there and just went yep this is how you go of the everyone. The logo of the virus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're in bed with big virus.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They just did it as if everyone going back to the pub wouldn't just get an Instagram picture of that. For sure. Oh, look at this. For sure. I'm trying to drink it through the mask. Check it out.

Yeah, I mean, people are already doing it with the beer anyway. Yeah. So they may as well just fully, fully capitalise. Yeah. It's happening whether they like it or not. Well, either that or Rad Dad could appear at the very first joyous live show when we're back. Maybe we could catch up with what he's been up to then.

Maybe it's just an hour long of Rad Dad. People are like, wow, they're doing a live show again. How exciting is this? Instead of the dumbed-down music starting, it's the Rad Dad theme. We come out in costume. Amazing. People are like, oh, now it makes sense that there was a set here of like a living room and we just literally do a live. the dumb dumb music started it's the rad dad theme we come out in costume amazing people like oh

now it makes sense that there was a set here of like a living room and we just literally do a live we do a hour long rad dad yeah a 55 minute

support act of rad dad and then five minutes of us come going out going hey mate yeah i've done it again no we come out and

do talking rad dad yeah let's wrap it up that's all right see you later folks thanks for coming out it's been a long year we come out as david and margaret yeah just reviewing Talking Rad Dad. Yeah. Let's wrap it up. That's good. All right. See you later, folks. Thanks for coming out. It's been a long year.

We come out as David and Margaret. Yeah. Just reviewing Rad Dad. Yep. Yep. Right. Great stuff. We have to, of course, cut to the sports desk and see what they've made of this. Bernie has kicked the big one.

Beautiful stuff. Yeah. Yeah. It's official. The scores are 1-0. So 1 is the big one and 0 is the not a big one. Oh, not a big one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Right. Just big ones. Just rating big ones. It's confusing commentary. Big ones won 1-0 over not big ones. Okay, right. Yeah. Fuck.

Hey, a bit of old business to catch up on from, I guess, a couple of weeks ago now, two, three weeks ago now. The Masked Pegger, the instrument that was used in the Masked Pegger, went up on eBay. Yes. There was an eBay auction for a week and it ended up selling for $301 on the eBay auction and got the notification that it had been won by someone. and got the notification that it had been won by someone. I then immediately got an email from that person saying,

hey, I was just bidding on this to kind of like boost it up, just to get the numbers up a little bit. Please do not name me on the podcast. It could be detrimental to my job. The previous bid was only $1. So they boosted it up a little bit, accidentally won it. So yeah, this person, because I think they were okay with me saying this. They live in Canberra.

And I got very excited and thought, what if this is like an actual politician? What if this is like a known quantity? So I looked this person up. I tried to find. They're not. They're not. They're not at all. They're not at all.

Not even a little bit of a politician. I think that's why, you know, that's that's i mean that's a bit of false advertising to go i live in canberra and i really value my secrecy yeah i mean everyone would go fuck it's a politician well also also it's not the biggest town so to narrow you down to someone who listens to this show and lives in canberra? That's very true. I mean, the shows we do are a decent size there, but they're not that big. Yes. Yeah. So that money went, of course, to the kid cancer charity? Sent it to the Red Kites. I chucked in a bit of my own money.

I bumped it up to $369 just for the sake of, you know, a bit of fun. A bit of fun there. Being funny. Yes. And I sent them an email. I thought, you know, they just get this random amount of money. They would be thinking, you know, where has this come from? No one's ever given us money before.

No one's ever given us money before. So, okay. So, hi there. Last year at the City to Surf in Sydney, I snuck into your marquee in spite of the fact that I had been fundraising for another children's cancer charity. I've felt bad about it ever since and wanted to remedy this guilt by sending in a donation.

In the interest of full disclosure, I feel like I should let you know that this fee was raised through auctioning off a rubber replica of a member of an open mic comedian from Brisbane. I sincerely hope that this doesn't taint my donation for you in any way. I myself am a survivor of childhood cancer, and had I known that my bone marrow transplant had only been possible thanks to money raised by a rubber mould of Carrot Top's penis, Wow. That's not called a lie to a charity like that.

No reply. No reply as yet. Well, you know why? They're probably listeners. They probably heard the podcast. He definitely used it on himself. Why is he lying to us? No, you know why? They're probably listeners. They probably heard the podcast. He definitely used it on himself. Why is he lying to us? No, we know all this.

They're like, this is offensive to assume that we don't know what's going on. It would have been a great move if they just were so disgusted by that email that they just sent the money back. $369 to back up in my bank account. That's a bit of a rich move to get that much money and then go. No comment. No comment. Yeah. a bit of a rich move to get that much money and then go no comment no comment yeah well look speaking of um that same sort of trajectory and unfinished business uh that i meant to bring up

um shout out to the people that went to kosamui last year um i put a little thing up in in one of the groups about um you know as as listeners know i want to have a bit of a look at a webcam every now and then yes in thailand in kosamui um i've been keenly watching uh basically a lot of empty streets in the last six months really um i i gave up on the kosamui webcams a little bit because a there's not much to look at anymore yeah and b i found out that the guy who runs the web games is like an anti-masker thinks conspiracy yeah yeah it's all a hoax thinks a little bit the same way you do about the virus tommy um so i then now look at the copenhagen ones there's a

handful of copenhagen ones um it looks okay over there but i was trying to buy food over there from some of my favorite restaurants thinking I can do it online. There's a few options like that. Delivery fee on that. Yes. I thought maybe I could buy some of that stuff and then not pick it up, obviously. Just keep the money, whatever. I think most of my favorite restaurants in Chewing have just fucking done a run or one day in. They're just gone.

Yeah. So I was like, oh, fuck. So then i thought of a restaurant that could be still there that i could chuck money out there was a favorite restaurant of ours in copenhagen called auntie's uh lovely lady um called auntie ran it by herself um heaps of people would come in and she would just she would just hand cook every single meal so yeah it'd be like this will be great and there'd be four of us go in and get beers and and order some stuff.

And then we're there for like four hours because she's just absolutely finessing a green curry out the back. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, I thought maybe we could, I'll chuck in a bit of money to her.

Uh, she didn't have PayPal or anything like that. So, um, I put a thing in the group, everyone that, uh, to people that had been to that restaurant,

if you want to chuck in, that'd be great. A bunch of people chucked in. Thank you very much to everyone that chucked in uh ended up being i i i boosted up a bit and i think she got sorry five hundred dollars which ended up being it's two months rent right yeah she sent back a thing saying two months rent thank you very much um so i'm like that's great then i sent her a message going because she she her restaurant is just near a webcam.

And I said, you know, look, she was saying thank you very much, whatever. I said, you know, no big deal, but maybe you could like come up to the webcam and just give us a wave. And she's like, no, I'm busy. Great. So that was that. Two very similar interactions there. I'm sending a bit of funny content through a a children's cancer charity after a big donation. Yeah.

Getting no response. Yeah. You're asking for someone to just walk past a camera that's, they're probably just going to walk past anyway. Yes. Probably on the walk to work. And also, in my experience of when we were there, you'd order a beer or you'd order a Fanta or something like that. And they'd go, and they're sort of like, no worries. And then you just see them disappear and walk up to the 7-Eleven to get one. Go to 7-Eleven, yeah.

And walk back again. Classic. And I asked at about four o'clock over there so it's not peak hour you know and the whole thing was there's been no tourists there's been no business and you've paid for the rent great cool if there's no business can you give us a wave nah you're treating this like a very expensive cameo yes you're like paid you're like i want my shout out just a wave you don't even have to say a message. Yeah. Literally just a wave. Yeah. So I'm now, I've now sent a lot of money to the business next door to basically bring this business down.

Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty good. Yeah. So no more answers. Buy them out. No, no, no, no. It's a great, hey, if you find yourself in Copenhagen soon, you know, go in there.

We know there's at least one Koh Samui listener. Yes. Go, this is an ad just for you at this point go over and support get on the boat go for a swim

go and make sure that go and make sure that that business is actually still there and she hasn't just closed the door 8 months ago

and just pocketed that money actually that money that you sent it's like wow I could retire on this fuck running the restaurant yeah yeah yeah she moved back to Bangkok fucking six months ago

and that's just paid for a few nights out. Yeah, beautiful stuff. What else? Do we have CBS mailbag today? No, nothing. I'm looking at the backpack. It looks a little thin. No, no.

There's only old cupcakes that I didn't eat in time. Ah, yes. No, I haven't been up there in check for a few days, but we haven't done a shout-out for it, so I've got to get it written down on the website or something like that, the address, so everyone knows it's P.O. It's a little Dunlop Club, CBS Mailbag,

P.O. Box 6063, Hawthorne West, Victoria 3122. Yep. Great. So, Chuck, having said that, every time anyone sends us anything, we spend five minutes hanging shit on it, so maybe that's affected. Maybe it's fine that we're not plugging it.

Maybe it's affected. Yeah. It was a fun little thing to get us through lockdown. Yeah. Little treats from the outside world. Oh, no. Always keen. Always keen on it.

I'm just trying to think, fuck, did we get anything last week or not? I don't think so. No. Last thing was those biscuits last week. Yeah. Which were very good. Thank you very much. So, look, we don't, of course, yeah, like we were talking about,

you've got the bad impressionist on Cameo. Of course, we've got Dummy-O. Yes. Which is both of us, sorry. Sorry for squeezing in there and just doing me instead of someone else. Go to the website. We've got merch. We've got all the T-shirts.

We've got the burger shirt, the aware shirt. Ofshirts. We've got the burger shirt, the aware shirt. Of course, we've got the talking dum-dum shirt. Yes, limited edition. So there's still a few of those floating around, which the sales have slowed down a little bit at the moment because we haven't plugged them for a while. So as good a time as any right now. Middle of summer in Australia.

It's going to be summer soon, I should say. No better time to get yourself a big, warm fleece hoodie. Absolutely. If you want to, as Lomas has got a new sauna, make your own. Yeah. Portable. The ultimate portable sauna. Yeah.

You can take it everywhere. Yeah. Go on a big run with a big hoodie on. Knock a few iso kilos off. Exactly. All right. Let's crack into the next bit of the show, I guess. The bit where we thank everyone for putting in to the show and keeping the show alive.

The Patreon read where, yeah, thank you to everyone that subscribes. You get yourself some bonus episodes. You get yourself, what, two of them a week at the moment. Yep. You know what? Lately we've been doing episodes so good I thought, I feel bad, but I feel like saying, you know, should we somehow Frankenstein this into a normal episode?

Can we cut the bit at the start off and the bit at the end out and just turn it into a normal episode? That's how good they are. Yep. We had Dave Callen on last week. It was very funny. Two great ones with him, yeah. Yeah, very funny.

So get on to that. There's a backlog of episodes as well you can jump onto as well. Get on to that. But if you're a new subscriber, you may not know this, we rarely bring this up, but you can have your name read out

as one of the bonuses. We don't do this every week, but we're feeling good. Yeah. So patreon.com slash little dumb dumb clump. Get onto that. We put all our trust in the Unplanned Title Alternator. We read a couple of dozen names out a week.

We're about to do that now. Let's crack into it. Yeah, sure. Hit the big red button. No time like the present. Yeah. We could do it. Yeah, sure. Hit the big red button. No time like the present. Yeah. We could do it in five seconds time. Yeah, let's do that.

Okay, great. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber, Brenton Malakari. Fuck me. Yeah. Brenton. Again, Brenton. Were we talking about Brenton last week? Yeah, we accidentally said Brenton. We were doing that last week.

Remember? Oh, there was a guy that we'd read out. We had to read out again because we'd read him out as Brenton. Yeah, because we read him out as Brenton. Then we were going, is there even such a thing as Brenton? And then the very next week we get a Brenton. We get a Brenton. And this has been sitting there for a while, right?

This isn't someone who's just subscribed under this name. Well, it's completely random. It's completely random, yeah. But I'll check. No, it's been there for a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. He must have been,

he must have been fuming here in the last weeks. I know. I know. It was like, we've willed this into existence. Yeah, yeah. He's sitting there thinking,

fuck, if only I could be included here. If only I could jump on and go, it is a real name. Well, sort of, you have. Well, your wish has come true. Yeah. It is a real name. You're being read out this have. Well, your wish has come true. It is a real name.

You're being read out this week. And guess what? You sound like a cunt. Well, not only that, to be honest, you've got your name Brent. We made a lot of fun of it last week. We've gone, what a fucking weird name. No one should have that name. It's a made-up name.

But you know what? Really, it's almost been overlooked because your last name's Malakari. What the fuck's that? So back in the day when you accidentally read out that Bennett guy as Brenton, so this guy must have been listening. And he must have been. When he hears Brenton, he's like, here we go. My name's being read out.

I'm the only person called that in the world. Yeah, exactly. And then there's a completely different last name. He's just going, ah going ah fuck what is this yeah maybe maybe that first name that you read out maybe you didn't get bennett's first name wrong maybe you got brenton's last name oh maybe we've actually already read this guy out you know what you might be completely right because humphries is very close to malakari yeah i've got colorblindness and surname blindness i don't know if i've ever mentioned that before but But yeah, yeah.

So that could... Are we just reading the same guy's name out every week from now on? Is that what's happening? I think so. Variants on it. Malakari. I'm sure Malakari is probably the first Malakari. Probably the first one we've read out on this show, I reckon.

Yes. Yeah. I'd put my reputation on the line for that one. Yeah. Whoa. Whoa. I'm going to go searching on this guy. I like this new part of the show where we just Facebook.

Yeah. Facebook stalk people. Yeah. Because I'm thinking... I think there's probably a lot of listeners changing their privacy settings on Facebook every week when we do this bit. Oh, yeah. Right.

Right. What do you got? He's in the he's in the patreon group and i'm this guy's a bit of a character i can tell already because you know you know when you're on facebook and you put your occupation in there here we go now look what about it okay i know you probably wouldn't have thought of this you you get on there you you're serious about what you put on there but he's he's gone a bit funny buggers with his. He is a, well, look, unless it's true. He says that he's a janitor at Quickie Mart.

What do you reckon? What do you reckon about that? From The Simpsons. From The Simpsons. That's funny. As torn from a copy of today's Simpsons. Yes, yes. As I once said to someone, yes.

What was that? Someone came in with a joke T-shirt on display and I said, they're funny on display And I said They're funny I get it They're funny So you must be funny I think it was specifically a Simpsons t-shirt as well Oh really?

That's great That's great Oh Brenton I'm just having a bit of a stalking What about education? Did he study at the school of hard knocks? Oh that's not bad. No, he went to Murdoch University,

which I believe is an actual thing. I'm pretty sure I do still have a fake job. So do I. As I'm rinsing this cunt. Comedian. Yeah, I've got one. I've got myself, I think, as the head of Rio Tinto.

Oh, yeah. You know, mine's just literally the two stupid things that came up. I was like, one, two, that'll do. Farmer at Skittles. Very funny. Not bad. Should I change it now? Maybe I should change it now.

You tell me. Well, you would have done that so long ago. Yeah. And like you said, two ones that come up. I wonder if it still gives you, if it gives you like a little drop down menu. Oh, okay. What have you got? What are your options?

Do you know what literally the first one that comes up it says? Yep. My work is at Adelaide Comedy. There you go. Do I hit that? Yeah, do it. All right. What's my position?

What are the options? Oh, fuck. It doesn't give me automatic options. What's my position? What are the options? Fuck, it doesn't give me automatic options. What could be a good position I hold at Adelaide Comedy? Seat filler. Does that mean I like to do a lot of anal? Jesus. That's great, a guy getting called up, getting a seat filler job at the Oscars,

and being like, oh, hell yeah, I'm going to get to do anal with Glenn Close. Well, there you go. I went to put seat filler and it's come up as Abel Seaman. Should I do that? Abel Seaman at Adelaide Comedy. Yeah. Yeah, there you go. Okay. Now it comes up as city slash town. I'll put a different town that's not Adelaide.

That's very funny. Let's throw him off the set. A lot of stolen valour going on here. What's a funny town? A very funny one. Yeah, I don't know. What's the kind of thing that would get posted in one of our Facebook groups? Oh, I found a town called Cum.

This is up your alley, boys. Well, here we go. I found a... Is Cyprus Greece? It sort of is, isn't it? It's next to Greece or it's... I think so.

I'm just saying it is Greece. I believe it is Greece. There's a town called Anal Yonder in Cyprus. There you go. That'll do. Adelaide comedy.

Boom. In Cyprus. Boom. Able semen. Yep. That is... Now, there's... Now, there...

There's a little tip for you guys out there. You want to do a little joke detail on Facebook, a little joke occupation. There's some fucking crumbs from the table. Doesn't get any better than that. Some tips from the master. Boom. Save.

That's going to be a great thing. That's going to come up in the Facebook feed. I'm going to have some funny characters having a go at me over this. Some people I respect looking at me going, what the fuck is wrong with you? But it's not official until you get on your LinkedIn and update your details over there as well. Yeah.

I currently work there from, it's going to have to be 1969, isn't it? Oh, no, it won't let me. Okay. Well, that joke's out. Yeah, it's not going to let you go. As they always say, you can't put a joke on a joke on a joke on that joke's out. Yeah, it's not going to... Too much. Let you go. You can't put a... As they always say, you can't put a joke on a joke on a joke on a joke.

Yeah. The old comedy tip. Well, because when were you born? 76? 76. Yeah. I've worked there from before I was born. Oh, they won't let...

There's a glitch in the system. What's this bullshit about? All right, all right. It's almost like they know that people are going to do... Try and play fucking funny buggers on their platform On their fucking hate speech platform Yeah, yeah We'll allow neo-Nazis to post whatever they want

But we cannot have someone Pretending that they worked somewhere before they were born That's where we draw the line Yeah You can be an able seaman at Adelaide Comedy. In Cyprus. In anal town in Greece. But you can't fuck with the chronology.

You cannot have done that when you were a baby. Yeah. When you were a pre-baby. The great thing about that is because I've said I work at Adelaide Comedy, I'm pretty sure the guy who runs Adelaide Comedy will now be notified. I think so too. That I've just said I work there now. I think that'll happen as well.

So that's cool. That's a good thing. Anyway, all of a sudden, Janitor at Quickie Mask is looking pretty good. Looking pretty funny. Looking pretty normal and well-adjusted. All right, well, thanks, Brenton. Thanks, Brenton, if that is your real name, which I hope it's not. I reckon it is.

I wouldn't even lie about that. Yeah. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. He's someone that's included his full name. Pretty insistent on having his middle name. Oh, we got a middle name in there as well. We got a middle name. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Adrian Jared Gray.

Why would you insist on that happening? Jared's kind of an interesting middle name, I guess. Is it? Not for it. It's the sort of thing I'd be very happy to... Okay. I'd answer it if someone asked me what my middle name is, but I certainly wouldn't be putting it front and centre.

You know what I'd do if I'm this guy? What? Adrian Jared Grey. Uh-oh. AJ Grey. Okay. What do you think about that? AJ is bad, I'd say.

That's a bad thing. I don't mind it. Really? Yeah. Is AJ in the Backstreet Boys or something like that? Is that where that's from? I believe he's Tony Soprano's son. Oh, is it?

To me, it seems like a real dickhead in an American show. Well, validating your point, you know what your catchphrase could be? What? They call me AJ because I'm always just one step away from a BJ. Oh! There you go. So you've not only got a nickname, you've got a little catchphrase to go along. I'm warming to it.

There's not enough people think about, here's what I'm going to go by. Not enough people also think like, I need a little catchphrase to go with it. Yeah, I need a subhead. Exactly. Under the header. The byline. Yeah, I need a subhead. Exactly. Under the header. Byline. The byline of my name. What's the elevator pitch of this name?

Yeah, yeah. I guess, look, Adrian Gray, I guess he's literally a bit of a gray name. And if you've got to spice it up with Jared. Jared. I mean, it's sort of... You can only play the hand that you're dealt. It's sort of like getting a bit of white bread and then putting a bit of margarine on it.

It's not elevating it too much. It's still white bread. You're sort of looking around. I don't even think you've got anything as good as margarine. You're looking around the fridge. You're dipping it in water. Yeah, you're just looking through. You're like, oh, I don't have butter.

I don't have like... I've just got some tomato sauce that's like... I may as well put that on. God. In my head, that's slightly better than just eating the bread raw. Raw bread. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's pretty good.

Going to a cafe and getting a sandwich and then biting it and getting the waiter back over and going, pardon me, this bread is raw. Yeah. Yeah, Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Adrian.

Adrian. Jared Gray. I guess, I guess Gray's not a bad surname. It's all right. Yeah. Yeah. I don't mind it. It's okay.

It's interesting enough. I mean, it's only, you only think, you only have like a negative response to it because grey over the years in your brain has had such kind of negative connotation. Yeah. It's like the grey clouds. Yeah. Turning old and getting grey hairs and whatnot. Yeah.

But as a word and everything, I think it's fine. But what's the positives of grey then? Nice grey suit. I like a nice charcoal grey suit. Yep. Is that the best you can get with grey? Grey lead pencil. Okay. You can erase it if you make a mistake. Yeah, yeah that the best you can get with grey? Grey lead pencil. Okay.

Grey can erase it if you make a mistake. Yeah, yeah. What's not to like about that? Yeah, which, you know what? I'm appreciating pencils more and more having a 20-month-old child and her finding one of my many, many biros around the house and going hell for leather with that on leather. Yep.

Not so good. Pencils on leather? Fine. Knock yourself out, kid. Go for it. But biro? Biro on leather yep not so good pencils on leather fine knock yourself out kid go for it but borrow fucking oh i'm not sure i approved this pen license over here for 20 months damn anyway your kid's gonna get locked up uh yeah look not not cool not um there's got to be rules there's rules in my house house. Yep. And she's disobeying that, which means, yeah,

she's a big chance of getting adopted out. The electric chair. Yeah. Dead or fucked off. The electric high chair. Yeah. Very good. That's a good sketch.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Baby jail. There we go. Funny fellas is back, mate. Funny fellas. Baby jail. Yeah.

All right, I'm writing this down. I always say we've got to keep a better log of these. Yep. And then I never, I never write them down. All right, I'm writing this down. I always say we've got to keep a better log of these. And then I never write them down. All right, so this is the sketch. The baby. What is the baby? See, drawing Borrow on a couch is not funny enough.

We need something else. We need something else. So it's got to be a crime that a baby, the sort of thing a baby would do. Yeah, a bad crime too. Because the setup is, I would have thought, baby does something, gets caught, and then he goes, what are you going to do to me? And they go, we're going to give you... So do you think it's like, it's a baby that's committed like an actual thing that a baby

does? Or is it more absurd to go like, you know, the baby murdered someone? What's the... Yeah, it's got to be slightly funny. I don't want it to be like oh you you didn't eat you oh you did poo in your pants right right well that could be poo pants related i think i think it could be um um oh what about this this now this is good funny fellas here we go um the baby's there you're in in trouble. Goo goo gaga.

Fuck off. Why? What have I done now? I've done nothing. Oh, excuse me. I think pooing in pants is a bad thing. All babies do that. No, but you pooed in someone else's pants.

That's very funny, fellas. So that's good. That's very funny. Exactly. It's terrible. Exactly. It's very funny, fellas. Exactly. Yeah.

And then... Will Gary Chook take us to court over this? But then all of a sudden it's like, oh, what are you going to do? What are you going to do? Actually, it's dinner time anyway. Give me some dinner. And then the parent's like,

oh, I'll give you dinner. All right. Picks him up, puts him in the high chair. Dad unzips his pants. Puts the baby in the high chair oh this is fine oh it's not just the high chair it's an electric high chair zap this is so much more disturbing than it just being an actual in jail yeah like the fact that the parents just have rigged up a current yeah to the baby's high chair so it's not even in a prison. It's just this sadistic family.

In the house. It existed already. They made a plan. They already had it just in case. They thought at some stage we may need to kill our baby. And this baby can talk. It fully understands morality and the concept of being able to talk your way out of something and being manipulative and negotiate

in a very adult manner. Being a bit of a cunt as well. Yeah. Yeah. So this is kind of like a baby Herman figure from Roger Rabbit, you're thinking. Yeah. Yeah. A fully coherent.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And some pretty horrific parents as well, to be honest. Yeah. Just in case. You shit in someone else's pants, you must die. You must die.

Yeah. Well, even before you've done that, just having the option. The logic here with the electric high chair being better to have it and not need it. Hmm. And then I... Just in case. Before the kid's even born, going down to... Making two trips.

Yeah. Going to Baby Bunting. Yeah. And then swinging past Battery World on the way home as well. Yeah, yeah. Going past Bunnings on the way. Baby Bunnings. There's another sketch.

There's another one, all right. There's another sketch. It's baby week on the Funny Fellas. Because this is what happens on those sketch shows. Like, you think of an idea for a set that happens, like, in the forest, and you're Robin Hood, and it's like, all right, now I need 11 Robin Hood sketches. Yeah, we've got to get our money's worth out of this. So is this animated, or is this a real baby, do we think?

A voiced baby? Because if it's animated, I'm immediately thinking in the electric high chair, the baby's burnt to a crisp, you know, classic cartoon style. Yeah, I mean, animation takes a long time. And, you know, we don't need to be spending more time working on these because then that's, you know, enough time where we could be sitting and thinking what the fuck are we doing yeah but what you were saying before it's like we've got the baby for a day that's good let's

just work this fucking thing to the bone and get as many sketches as we can animation takes months killing a baby is instantaneous yes yeah you're right good priceless good point all right so it's real life we find a real life find a. All right, so it's real life. We find a real life baby. We find a real life baby. And so what's happening in baby Bunnings? Is it just like, what's the, you know, you've got the sausage sizzle at the front. People always go on about.

There's something very tired and shit. So we should get on top of that. That's right, yeah. Or there's another, you know know Sort of a very popular Cliche about Lesbians going to Bunnings Yes Do we have a lesbian baby

In Bunnings I mean If we're doing the baby lesbian Yeah We almost don't need The Bunnings element That's another one That just completely

Stands alone by itself There's so much there Lesbian baby Okay You know what? These were just the... This was just the workshop. I've lost interest in baby jail.

I've lost interest in baby bunnies. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Because now that we've got the lesbian baby... Do we go lesbian baby or gay baby, gaybie? There's a lot there. I just think lesbian baby. This has been

a productive writing session. Once you're making it rhyme and making it kind of interesting and bordering on there being a shred of creativity to it, it's sort of lost all the appeal

for the funny fellas. That's not what people come for. People have just seen the ejaculating Bush and Dr. Bitch and Stone Santa. You throw Gayby at them,

they're going to have a fucking aneurysm trying to unpack it and work out the logic behind the nickname. And I feel like it's sort of, that seems like you've worked on it a bit and it's a thing that people could talk about and it's easy to roll off the lips, whereas Lesbian Baby is just sort of jarring and terrible. So I think we go with that.

Which is what makes it perfect, yeah, Lesbian Baby. All right, thanks whoever this was. Yeah, thanks for co-writing, Adrian, Jared, Greg. Thanks, think we go with that. Which is what makes it perfect. Yeah. Lesbian baby. All right. Thanks, whoever this was. Yeah. Thanks for co-writing, Adrian, Jared. Thanks, Adrian. Thanks, AJ. Thanks, AJ. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber, Jared Rudd.

Wow. Yeah. Fucking hell. What's happening here? Wow. Brenton's, Jared's, fucking hell. And Rudd as well. Speaking of, you know, speaking of people up in Canberra.

Oh, yeah. If this guy had been the guy that had won the auction, I'd be going, wow. This could be the son. You don't know. Kevin Rudd. He's really on one at the moment. Yeah. Trying to take down Murdoch.

Good for him. I know. I signed up the other day. He was just like, let us out of the house. And he's just like, take down the Murdoch press. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, must be nice to have the house. He's just like, take down the Murdoch press. I was like, must be nice to have the brain capacity to be fucking worrying about something like that at the moment. But good for him.

I did like that. I signed up the other day. I saw the thing. I was like, yeah, you know, fuck that. Fuck the Murdochs. All that shit. Fuck that. And, you know, he's a bit of a renaissance man at the moment.

You know, he's like, yeah, take on the Murdoch press you're right they're bad for the environment they're bad for this bad for that you're right you're right i was thinking about going fuck it's really made me forget how much of a cunt he ended up being kevin yeah yeah totally totally gillard and all that sort of stuff and i'm like just very selfishly doing all that stuff i was like fuck you've done a good job there. I really had to go back and have a good remember to figure that one out.

and he's grown the beard too. It's like, well, that wasn't me, that was my, yeah, he's gone the opposite of what, you know,

normally it's like, oh, it's the evil Kevin Rudd, he's got the beard. He's got the opposite. He's now the good one. Well, he was good to start with,

like, for people overseas. Yeah. He was the Prime Minister of Australia 10 years ago, I guess, or something like that, a bit beyond that. I watched the first ep of the – it's from a couple of years ago now, I think, the ABC series, what's it called, The Killing Floor? Anyway, basically the documentary series about him, yeah,

getting into office and then getting overthrown by Gillard and all that kind of stuff. And yeah, heaps of footage of him when he was running and he was a nice guy and the Kevin 07 stuff and him playing fucking handball, him being really into that schoolyard game handball. And it was like, you look back on it now and it's like, this fucking nerd just came in and everyone was like,

this is awesome. Get him in. How funny is it having this absolute dweeb in office? Yeah. And then, you know. Well, I think he looked cool in comparison because he ousted John Howard at the time. And John Howard had been in for 20 years.

People were stoked to have like... A real proper shit cunt. Yeah. Yeah. And he had the like branding and everything. So it was like, okay, you can get behind this. Hal was the uncoolest guy ever. Yeah.

Apart from the gun buybacks scheme. But everything else... Wait. What do you think is bad with that? I didn't pay enough for all your cool guns. I think you should have got more for your guns. I think I should have gotten more. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think I was like six at the time. Exactly think you should have got more for your guns. I think I should have gotten more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I was like six at the time. Exactly. You should have gotten their rare children's guns. I'm turning up with a little Fisher and Paykel. It's like, oh, why, Mr. Prime Minister? Only $1. Yeah, anyway, apart from that, yeah, yeah. It's a feel-good thing.

Get that old cunt out of here. So everyone was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a feel-good thing. Like, get that old cunt out of here. So everyone was like, yeah, yeah, Kevin Rudd's cool. Is he? In comparison, yes. It's pretty funny. In this documentary, it's like, Gillard, as a talking head, will be talking about, you know, something that happened in this conversation that she'd had with Kevin Rudd.

And they've clearly, they've done all hers. And then they've gone to Kevin Rudd and just like played them to him. It's like Jordan watching back. Oh, the Jordan one. Yeah. And it's like, it's literally so many times where Rudd just goes, I've got no memory of that. Just like throwing her under the bus with like literally everything she's saying.

He's like, I mean, I don't think it happened that way. It's like, you can't. And also the people making this this it's like split it up do two sessions with both of them like give her the right response to like

throw some fucking money but when does it stop you just go back and forth that didn't happen well yes it did well actually it didn't at a certain point

you're just playing the role of a telephone yeah yeah yeah just have a chat guys just get in a room work it out work out the story now that would be good

fucking Gilad V Rudd in a one on one in a room that would be cool. Work out the story. Now, that would be good. Fucking Gilad V. Rudd in a one-on-one in a room. That would be cool. Bit of Biff, you mean? No, just talking. Oh, okay. Yeah, just like doing that. Doing that where one goes, this is what happened.

No, it didn't. Well, I'd fucking remember it did. Yeah. Nah. So you just film that sort of Frost v. Nixon style. Yes. Absolutely. I'd love that.

And I can get Jared the Son in. Jared. Yeah, Jared Rowe. That's how this started. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I'd love that. And they can get Jared the son in. Jared Rowe. That's how this started. Yeah, right. Sorry for talking shit about your dad, Jared. Very pretty rude of us, really. But hey, he's trying to redeem himself by taking down the Murdoch press. Or, hey, look, we could be absolutely up the wrong tree here.

Might not be Kevin Rudd. Might be the son of.... Oh, I see. Might be the son of... Folk musician. No. Oh. ACDC drummer. Oh.

Phil Rudd. Well, now this is what we need. We need the ACDC drummer. We need folk musician Xavier Rudd. And we need Kevin Rudd together in a super group. The Rudds. Because you've got drums and guitars. You've got right there.

You've got drums and guitar. Great. You basically got a backing band and then you've got drums and guitars. You've got right there, you've got drums and guitar. Great. You basically got a backing band and then you've got Kevin Rudd on vocals. Okay. The Rudds. Right. Yeah. Winona Rudd.

Yeah. The ACDC drummer who, off his head, tried to kill people or whatever in New Zealand. They kicked him out of the band. Really? I don't know this story. Yeah, he was in the band for like since the 80s and then um he was like fuck what selling drugs and then tried to i think it was i think he was trying to sell drugs or something allegedly and then uh he tried to get a hitman to kill someone and that all went in the

news and he was already living in new zealand and acdc just stopped answering calls and got a new drummer wow and then he was in the press going no fucking take me back acdc fucking take me back and he was just out of control it's a cool move yeah just out of control and then they got a new drummer they just literally never talked to him and then you'd see him every now and then pop up in the in the papers and be like desperately like no i reckon i'll be back one day and it's like you are fucking pathetic dude you've done all this stuff you tried to kill someone they won't like you'd be saying yeah i've sent some messages in no one's returning any calls no one's this no one's that you go yeah this is fucking you're embarrassing yourself at this point anyway he's back in the band

so i was wrong wow yeah all of a sudden he's just back in the band. So I was wrong. Wow. Yeah. All of a sudden, he's just back in the band. So I think they got a bit desperate. Oh, feel good story. Literally. Very nice. What? Did you just hear what you said? Yeah.

Oh, no. Well, it's very close. Feel good. Oh, no, I didn't mean to say that. Right. I'd forgotten his name halfway through the story. I was so wrapped with the details that the guy's name

had just left my brain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, anyway, I think they ran out of original members and stuff, so they put him back in. He's back in.

He's not going to kill us or if he does, we're all 70. You've got to go at some point. Yeah, they're just performing in little bubbles even before COVID.

Little cocoons so you can't get at them. Yeah, one of the few Australians, I guess, one of the, one of the, one of the few Australians, I guess, left in the, in the band as well. I believe he was Australian.

Oh, okay. Interesting. properly Australian. Like, you know, the Youngs, they moved out when

they were little from Scotland or fucking whatever. The singer's not Australian, but anyway, thanks Jared Rudd. Thanks Jared Rudd.

And of course, a story that Denise Scott dines out on for her entire life. She pashed Phil Rudd when she was young. When she was a teenager. They were at a dance or something and she absolutely macked on with the drummer of ACDC.

Love that. I think Dave O'Neill has a story in one of his books about seeing them very early days. Right. ACDC. Yeah. And his dad going, these guys will never take off. And then he did that with fucking, what's his name?

Chopper. Oh, yeah. He tried to tell Eric Bannon not to be in Chopper. Yeah. What a great guy. Yeah. Thanks, Jared. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Jesse Anderson.

Jesse Anderson. The hotter sister of Pamela. Hotter than Pamela. I hope. That's the fantasy, that there is someone out there. That's pretty funny. That is hotter. That's pretty funny if there's someone in the Anderson family

who's undeniably more attractive than Pamela and doesn't like the limelight. The old trick, the old thing that used to be in the old days of, before the internet, before everyone could just actually verify everything, the old footy trick of going, oh, there was this, you know, you'd have a great, undisputable, brilliant footballer, and they'd go, yeah, but he had a brother that was better.

Great. Yeah, that's awesome. They'd go, no, but when he was, the older brother was actually better than him, actually. The sports equivalent of, my uncle actually works at Nintendo, and he told me that they're about to bring out the Nintendo 69. They're announcing it next week. The,

you know, you know, Phil Rudd, the drummer from ACDC, actually had a brother that was in a band that was more famous than that. But you probably, you know, you just,

you just haven't heard of them. You just haven't heard of them. Yeah. And you never will. Yeah. There'll never be a way of you just reaching into your pocket and working it out. They're in this cool country that you don't know about. Yeah.

And they're actually bigger than ACDC, but you wouldn't understand. You wouldn't understand. Yeah. You're not a real music head. Yeah, yeah. You don't get it. Yeah. You just don't get it.

You know the Beatles? They were bigger than them. Yeah, so anyway. I'd love to, you know, I wish I could play you some. Wish I could say their name. Wish I could say their name right now, but it'd be wasting both of our time. Yeah. I could just say this one syllable name of the band, but why bother when you don't know who they are?

And you're not like, you're not braced to hear it. You're not ready to receive this information. Then I'd be, you know, you might pass out. If you don't know by now, you'll never know. Yeah. So let's just leave it at that.. So let's just leave it at that. Yeah, let's just leave it at that. Yeah, I'll go and talk to them, to someone else that understands music.

A fellow aficionado like myself. A fellow absolute fucking dumb cunt like myself. Yeah. Jessie Anderson, though. Jessie Anderson. The hotter sister of Pamela Anderson. Hotter sister of Pamela Anderson. That was on a hotter show than Baywatch.

Or should I say, and look, I'm on the record of saying this before. I preferred her VIP days over her Baywatch days. Wasn't really into Baywatch. A bit too obvious for me. Can hear the people switching off already. Very contentious point that you make and it drives some people who listen to this wild. Yeah, is that the most contentious point, is it? Yeah.

No, I'm more of a VIP fan. Pammy was, that was her, in my opinion, her glory days. Can I just ask, sorry, what is going on with the inside of that mask? My mask that I have here? Yeah, it's just all fluffed up. It looks like a fucking vacuum filter. Yeah. Yeah, right. I've never seen up. It looks like a fucking vacuum filter. Yeah.

Yeah, right. I've never seen one without lining on the other side. Right. It's fluffed right up. Yeah. I put it in the washing machine a few times. It's not going well. Yeah.

No, I mean, what's going on? Like, why are you wearing that around? Oh, right. Oh, it's just, it's a thing. Right. It's just, it's a thing. Look, you've seen your mentor, Pete Evans, talk about these things before. Right.

My dad. Yeah. You know when he's complaining about other people, I'm one of those other people. Right, right. I know you think. Yeah, yeah. A fucking idiot, a lunatic. Someone who isn't into Nazism and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, yeah. Yeah, yeah. A fucking idiot. A lunatic. Someone who isn't into Nazism and stuff. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, yeah. God, how's that going? He's going good. Chuck him in the jungle and fucking leave him there. He's been kicked out. You know that? Has he?

I didn't see that. Yeah. Immediately. As soon as they announced him as being in the jungle, he's out. That's sick. Yeah. That's fucking awesome. Yeah.

And he'd been in quarantine already. Had he really? Getting ready for it. Fuck that rules. I kind of don't. It's like they should have made him finish the quarantine and then tell him after that. Yeah, no, get to the end of quarantine and then go, you just need to have this injection to make sure you're allowed to be in the jungle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they just fly him in and they just drop him in.

They do it all, but there's just no cameras. Yeah. They're filming the actual thing down the road. Yeah. do it all, but there's just no cameras. They're filming the actual thing down the road. He's just fucking rolling around in fucking rhino shit for absolutely no... For people at home that are overseas, Pete Evans is some fucking anti-masker dude that used to be a chef on a TV show. Celebrity chef. I guess there was a bit of good...

I mean, people liked him when he was on that show, and then he's over the last, would you say like decade or so? No last three three to five years a few years he's unraveled increasingly more and more

what was his he had a didn't he do one of those like things where a journalist catches up with you and you tell them like what you ate for the day and he had the thing

of activated almonds was a big thing that people were making fun of about him that's just a bit silly what a bit of a wanker and then he's just turned into...

Increasingly more and more... The virus doesn't exist and all this sort of stuff. And then he posted a meme the other day on his page that had like, I don't know, some kind of neo-Nazi symbol in it. Yes.

People go, what the fuck? Where the Trump reference was the milder bit in it. Yeah, yeah. It's literally, it's a Trump thing and then it's like someone comments like, oh, nice little symbol in there and he goes,

I was waiting for someone to notice that. It's like's like jesus fucking christ so he put another thing about well you know maybe you should learn the real truth about germany yeah okay yeah and then he went and then afterwards he went i didn't know what that symbol meant yeah cool you just posted a cartoon of something you didn't understand yeah that that makes sense and you said so when you said i was waiting for someone to notice that i was like no i was waiting for someone to notice it so they could tell me what it is because i have no idea what if he leaned into that and just from now on just posted things he didn't understand from now on it's not bad can anyone explain that's not bad that's not a bad meme page to set up just anytime you see something rather than google the reference or whatever you're like straight onto the page get in the comments guys let me know what the fuck's going

on here great clueless memes yeah um but i was because they announced that like we're recording very close to it being coming out um when that news came out about him being an almost celebrity get me out of here which is filmed in the australian jungle this year um you know we've known every year there's been a comedian that we know that's been put in there yeah i'm like fuck which which person and we know all comedians basically really i mean there's there's very few comedians in australia we don't know to some degree comedy is a small enough industry where after a certain point yes you're aware of everyone when you've met them at least once or twice. Yes.

Yes, exactly. So, we're going to know someone. When you meet people new and they're like just grilling you about comedy, it's like, do you know this person? It's like, yeah. Ooh, la-dee-da. It's like, yeah, I just do. Yeah.

I'm not like bringing it up to big note. Yeah. We all work at the same place. Yeah. Sort of. Yeah. To some degree. Do you know your boss? Yeah. Ooh, Mr. Play note. Yeah, we all work at the same place. Yeah. Sort of. Yeah. To some degree. Do you know your boss?

Yeah. Oh, Mr. Playboy. Yeah, yeah. Do you know that? Yeah, anyway. Yeah. So we would know, they always get a comedian at least. Mm-hmm.

So I was like, fuck, this is going to be great. We're going to know someone who's going to spend a lot of time in the jungle with this cunt. Ah, right, right, right. But then now it's not. Yeah, now it's not. Now he's not in there. Yeah, it's not going to spend a lot of time in the jungle with with this car ah right right right but then now it's not yeah now he's not in there do they know yeah who do you think it is let's put this on record i yeah i don't know because that i didn't realize it was being filmed that that soon so i was like me either shit okay well obviously this has been decided already because if this guy was in quarantine already,

you're not in quarantine for three months, you're in quarantine for fucking two weeks or whatever it is. Yeah. So he was... That is earlier than usual, though, because they started like around the tennis, like in Jan.

I guess it's coming up. Anyway. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know how it works. Anyway, it's happening. It's happening. So I don't know. Who's your tip off the top of your head?

Who do you reckon it could be? God, I actually honestly haven't thought about it at all. Kind of forgot that show existed. Well, that'll be the interesting thing because it coincides with gigs coming back, in Melbourne at least, right? And so a lot of people are pretty keen to get back out there. So it'd be funny if it's like you running gigs. Any candidates who just all of a sudden aren't hitting you up.

It's like, hmm. Okay, I'm a sudden aren't hitting you up yeah it's like hmm okay i'm gonna go on record i reckon it's fiona o'loughlin it's a repeat carryover champ yeah she's uh she's she's gone actually that sanitizer tasted pretty nice i haven't been able to find that same brand anyway yeah that flavor yeah who would it be who would it be who's a candidate who's someone it's really without having been around and like doing gigs and stuff sort of not happening for this year it's just really hard to remember like you know who our friends are well no i mean like who they would think is like who's a hot commodity that they would want in there or who's like

who's someone who's just about at that point that's like famous enough to have them in there yeah yeah you know yeah i mean and also you got to pick someone who's desperate enough to to do it because it's like you know a lot of people would not do i mean that's a lot of people at the moment yeah but a lot of people would still not do it a lot of people it's not for them they don't want it yeah it doesn't it's not a very attractive thing to do no yeah um they've got to be doing it for the money. Yeah. And, you know, maybe a bit needy of attention, maybe. Like everything is. Well, I mean, it's ultimately, for comedians, it's like, it's profile boosting.

Yes. You know, like Joel Creasy and Nazeem Hussain saw a huge boost to their numbers after they did it. Yeah. So, comics are sort of like, there is the neediness, but I would say like your B-list realities. I mean, you get good money, but like comedians actually get the most out of it in terms of like there is the neediness but i would say like your b-list realities but i mean you get good money but like comedians actually get the most out of it in terms of like yeah and because it's right before comedy i can perform you put a football player in there and it's like all right i guess i can kick this coconut yeah one meter yeah right right um but yeah i can't i can't think you got any yeah i'm just trying to fucking... I mean, I know I brought it up, but then I immediately was like,

fuck, I can't even... I'm going to look on who's been on our show lately, just to give myself a tiny bit of inspiration. Mel Buttle. In terms of, you've got to have a slight... You know what? Mel Buttle, Nick Cody, Tom Ballard, Dave Thornton, Jen Fricker, Nina Oyama, Dave O'Neill.

That would be great. That would be great. Yeah, maybe that's the better question. Who would we want in there? See, they're people that have been on the show in the last few months. They've got a little bit of profile that they could possibly go,

yeah, that's worthwhile. That the producers would be interested and that they would probably want to do it. Yeah. I could see Cody doing it. Yeah. Yeah, I could see all of those people possibly thinking it over.

Maybe Nina wouldn't do it. But then again, if they came to you and go, he's 30 grand to do this. Sure. All of a sudden, I like jungles. Yeah. I like mosquitoes. Well, sound off, guys. Let us know who you think is going to be in.

One of them could be in there. Yeah, for sure. But Jessie Anderson, the hottest sister. The hottest sister of pammy the hottest congratulations and thank you yeah thanks jesse thanks for thanks just for existing thanks for doing what you do in the world thanks for raising the average attractiveness of the human race just by existing yep thanks for um making sure that at some stage pamela was walking around being described as the fucking

pig dog of the family. Yeah. Yeah. Bush pig Pammy. Yeah. Thanks, Jesse. All right. Well, I am absolutely fucking starving.

So I'm going to cut this short. I'm sorry. Sorry to everyone. Sorry to you, Tommy. I know you're just settling in. Hey, I'm also starving. Oh, are you? Yeah.

I'm going to go and fucking eat something. So let's just do one more. Hey, I'm also starving. Oh, are you? Yeah. I'm going to go and fucking eat something. So let's just do one more. Is that okay with you? Yeah. Okay, right. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. Brenton Comedy.

Wow. Yep. Three Brentons in two weeks. Yep. You wouldn't read about it. That's a thing technically. Yep. Thanks, everyone. Thanks for listening. See you, mate two weeks. Yep. You wouldn't read about it. That's a thing technically. Yep. Thanks, everyone. Thanks for listening.

See you, mate. Bye. I'm hungry.