The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 538 - Russell Howard & Harley Breen

Episode Date: January 19, 2021

Coming to us from hotel quarantine and their parents' Subaru respectively, we have RUSSELL HOWARD and HARLEY BREEN! Russell's been self-isolating for days and he talks us through the depraved mindset of a man who's put himself in the position of having no human contact for two weeks, all for the sake of getting to do COMMEEDDDYYYYY! We also relive the last time Harley and Russ saw each other at Russ' bucks party in Vegas, Karl's had an incident while kitted up on a jog, and we unearth YET ANOTHER bizarre fact about Tommy's dad! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dum Dum Club, a brand new episode with guests Russell Howard and Harley Breen. We've got some shows on sale that we will talk to you about at the end of the program in Talking Dum Dum, if they're not already sold out by then, in the next hour that you're listening to this. Yeah, well let's find out in Talking Dum Dum. Yes, and just quickly at the very start of this episode, before we started recording, Russell had his headphones in and then for some reason took them out. It took me a few minutes to notice that. I then had to go through his recording and cut out all the bits

where you could hear us on his recording. But there are one or two little bits where you hear a slight echo. So it's nothing too crazy, but just for some of you, most of you probably won't even notice it, but that goes away after about five minutes. And then we have a ripping time with Russell Howard and Harley Breen. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us.

My name is Tommy Dasolo and with me as always, the other half of the program, it's Carl Chandler. We have two very special friends of the show joining us from very, very different recording situations. Please welcome back onto the podcast, Russell Howard and Harley Breed. Yes! The dream team, as we're known. Oh, yeah, the dream team. You guys are just joined at the hip, never separated. Oh, hang on.

You're in different countries and very different locations right now. The funny thing is, if we lived in the same country, I think we'd be firm friends. It's not to say that we're not friends now, but I think if we lived in the same country, I think we'd be firm friends. It's not to say that we're not friends now, but I think if we lived in the same country, I think we'd be annoyingly close to a lot of people. We'd really get on. I believe it probably would have got physical by now at some level.

Like sexual or violent? Both at the same time. Okay. So let's clear this up where you boys both are at the moment. So, Russell, you're in quarantine in New Zealand. You're seeing all the sights of some fucking hotel room kettle, as we can see in the background of your Zoom. That's right.

Yeah, and I should point out, that kettle is broken. So it just randomly turns itself on in the night. I'm in a hotel room in New Zealand, in Auckland, and I've hit teenage levels of masturbation during my time. Honestly, I'm going to emerge with my cock looking like an 80s joystick. It's... Great. This is all linked to the kettle as well, yeah?

Well, yeah, I see that's the thing. Because I'm not used to human contact, I think it's perfectly fine to start talking about a kettle and go, oh, yeah, by the way, I'm wanking a lot, which of course it isn't. Russ, we're getting a pretty good insight into the quality of the internet over there in New Zealand because you in the Zoom window, you're looking a bit like Wallace into the quality of the internet over there in New Zealand because you in the Zoom window, you're looking a bit like Wallace and Gromit for us at the moment. We're getting a lot of jittery frames and dropping out.

Yeah. If you could just move the hotel room a couple of feet to the left or something to get better Wi-Fi, it'd be great. That's got nothing to do with the internet. It's from the UK. It's all coronavirus. Oh, right. To be honest, it might not be the Wi-Fi. It's got nothing to do with the internet. It's from the UK. It's all coronavirus. Oh, right. To be honest, it might not be the Wi-Fi.

It might be the onanistic tremors that I've created since I've arrived in this hotel room. It's like, you know that bit in Jurassic Park when the fucking water starts moving? It's terrible, man. It's just, you sort of hope, you hope you're going to learn Spanish. You hope you're going to do, you know hope you're going to evolve as a human being. And you're like, oh, no. And it's just brutal. And the thing is, you can't talk to other people in isolation during your 40-minute walk.

You can't like, are you touching yourself a lot? Do you know what I mean? Because straight away, the army will get hold of you. You know what I mean? And then you'll be in like solitary in isolation. Can you imagine that? Right, right. Is this all going according to plan?

Is that where you walked into two weeks of isolation with you, just had a to-do list of going, I haven't had a wank in a while. It's really been banking up. I really, it'd be good to get through the back catalogue of wanking. Yeah, it's just, I don't know. Like I was sold a lie because my agent in the UK said, it's really phenomenal out there. You know, sold a lie because my agent in the uk said it's really phenomenal out there you know they take you for day trips to the beach but you're in a bubble

and um and i was like wow really and he's going yeah yeah it's really great and i literally got here and i was like i went to the guy it fanta comes out of the tap i went to the guy there's a there's an army officer downstairs, and I was like, when do the beach trips kick in? And he's like, nah, good one, mate. And I'm like, what? And it was this horrible moment where you're like, oh, what I have to eat in my room?

Well, yeah, but only once, not for the whole duration. Okay, right. But the weird thing is it's two weeks that's clearly quite tough psychologically but then after that fortnight you get to do gigs and i haven't done full gigs in over a year so it's i was talking to harley about it it's sort of a bit like being in a dressing room for the longest time ever oh yeah right right right yeah and that's not not to say i haven't wanked in any kettles and any dressing before you animals leave we've shared a lot of dressing rooms and i know when not to come in that's that's that's less of a green room and more of a white room by now i would have thought

so what you're saying r Russ, at those gigs, you've got no excuse to flub any of your material. If people see at these New Zealand gigs a single word out of place, they will know this guy has no good reason for this. Absolutely. And that's what's so exciting about it, that in your head, I'm preparing the perfect gig, but we know you can't possibly do

that because you're going to come out on stage like a man who's been in a dressing room for two weeks like you know with with a an intensity and a wildness and a willing to willingness to share that might not go over on a tuesday night in auburn like do you know what i mean but it's it's a real like i'm clearly addicted to stand up and as is harley because harley's doing the same thing harley's coming here in a month's time mate aren't you that you're yeah yeah i'll be i'll be there like three days after you loop so good mates then well after after listening to your story, I'm just getting myself ready to get jacked just flat out. I mean, to be honest with you, that's what I'm doing right now.

I'm sat in my parents' Subaru Forester on the Sunshine Coast, so I'm furiously masturbating as well. It's really great. Russ, you should have timed it so that you get out of the quarantine the day that you walk out you get into the car and get driven straight to the venue of the gig and walk straight out onto the stage in front of those thousands of people

and that is your first moment out of the two week quarantine that would be fucking incredible to be honest the first thing I'm going to need to do when I leave is to get an intravenous like zinc drip honest the first thing i'm going to need to do when i leave is to get an intravenous uh like zinc drip i'm gonna come out fucking humming so yeah i need to i need to see a doctor if you walk on stage if if anyone out there is goes to russ's first gig uh back in new zealand he walks out and he's opener he's pulling out his dick pulling it and dust coming out of it. You'll know why.

You'll know what's happened. Yeah, if you're in the front row, get a good look at those calloused palms and you'll know the story behind it. I'm going to be wandering on stage like a wonky Popeye. That's the name of his penis. that's the name of his penis but then weirdly it's you go through sort of moments

I'm here with my tour manager Kumar who's just a brilliant bloke and you kind of go like the very fact that I've got somebody to talk to in the yard you do like your only exercise

you're allowed 40 minutes you walk around in a circle and that weirdly becomes a highlight it's so strange that if i'd have told you a year ago that i'd regularly be meeting up with my tour manager and going for a walk in the car park you know for an hour and that would be in new zealand yeah in a circle yeah well it's sort of that funny thing for all the years and all the times that you've looked in a in a hamster's cage and gone how the fuck do they live like that you you suddenly go

god i do i give anything for a little wheel right now yeah yeah you're looking at the hamster guy must be nice having that wheel yeah a little reflection of uh another human being like Bajis have. Something like that. It's psychologically draining, but the excitement of doing a gig, a normal gig where people aren't sat two metres away and there's no masks, is so, so exciting. It's really strange. Are you the only person in the world doing this? Because, I mean, New Zealand is basically the only place

that's open properly at the moment. And you're the only international that's flown in specifically to do big gigs. Are you the world's only international proper comedian at this point? Yeah, I think so. I think I'm the first to kind of do gigs in new zealand because weirdly i had these shows booked in and then in november i was like oh should we just go let's just go to new zealand and um and see how you do it and they're like yeah

you've got to do two weeks and i was like okay well we're going to be locked down anyway um and i said to my wife my wife's a doctor and i was like would that be okay for me to go and she'd like she was like yeah that that would be fine that would be absolutely fine because she knows what i'm like when i haven't got stuff to do so in a sense yeah right right she's she's had to wash out the kettle before yeah it's all right harley um i didn't even say anything oh yeah just i was chatting to russ the other day and um his lovely wife caris is working on the front line of coronavirus in the uk and russ yeah yeah clap that out right and russ has some very important business of just going to God's country

and sitting in a hotel for a couple of weeks. So when she got home, he was like, I've got very important business to do, so can you go to the other end of the house so I don't catch you, Phil? Yeah. I mean, listen, what's happened there, Holly's very much, Holly's put that through the prism of an Australian man. And through his harsh baritone, sure, that makes me come across as callous.

But if you listen to the way I said it as an Englishman, I said, darling, darling, my darling, you appear to have a runny nose and it would seem naive of us to be in such close proximity so how about how about you go upstairs for a bit and then i'll stay downstairs and then we can secure passage to the old world and i can perform stand-up comedy and she said she said my darling my darling, how thoughtful of you, not just for me but indeed for the New Zealanders. And she went to clap me.

I said, don't you dare. Don't you dare. Yeah, you're a frontline worker. You've been getting to do your job for months now. Daddy needs this. Daddy needs these gigs to feel worthwhile. They all say laughter is the best medicine. We're both doctors, you know.

We're both doctors. Well, what's funny about it is a few years ago I did a thing about how great the NHS was in the UK on TV and, you know, it went down pretty well. So kind of whenever I go into a hospital now people are like oh thanks man thanks so much and then there's there's my wife who has worked her fucking bollocks off do you know what i mean and and it suddenly and she's like he did one five minute bit and all of you are falling over the fucking idiot but um oh yeah the point is she was she was

delighted to um to sort of it's sort of that weird thing is not to get too deep but when you realize like oddly right at the beginning of the pandemic she she was going to have a career break to come on tour with me and then it obviously kicked off and she was like i have to go back i have to so she did but in the two weeks before that she was climbing the walls because she had nothing to do and it's sort of that's the strange thing about the the sort of pandemic when you realize for us we, we have jobs that also define us, like whether that's being a doctor or a comedian or a podcaster or whatever, like oddly, it's what you are.

And when it's taken away, you're like, fuck, I haven't got anything without this. It's kind of, do you know what I mean? It's a really, you realise how lucky you are. And like all the times we've kind of moaned about, oh, the crowd aren't, the crowd weren't great tonight. There's no such thing when the gigs come back because it's like in the summer,

I was gigging in car parks and fucking labels. I did a gig in a woods. So there is no such thing as, oh, they're a bit off tonight. Do you know what I mean? But Russell, you realise that that's our career before the virus. That's the places we're giving you for all of this here. We did a show in a McDonald's party room once.

There's no changes for us. If anything, we've got a bit of a boost. It's made all of our shit gigs a bit more credible. Well, yeah, but having said that, you weasels have been going to thailand for years and so let's let's let's not let's not present the idea that you're a couple of fucking chances whatever you want to call this it's clearly working for you but nobody saw it yeah nobody saw it saw it coming. We're successful grifters. Yeah, exactly. This is the snake oil hour. We're like Trump getting into the presidency.

How the fuck did this happen? We have social media to blame for this. Gala and Tommy are the Trump of Australian comedy. You heard it here first. Yeah, exactly. We don't get the gala next year. Our listeners will just be storming the comedy festival offices. Storming the Palais. J tumbling through the window down there.

Yeah, great. Jesus, they are going to break the floorboards. I've seen the size of your fan base. Yeah, as long as they're ground floor windows, they'll break through the windows, I think. Yeah, not a lot of fence climbing going on, I wouldn't have thought. Let's go back to nicer times. Is the last time that you two saw each other at your, I mean, maybe at the wedding, but

at the Bucks party in fabulous Las Vegas? Yeah. Yes. Well, I can answer that because it was not at the wedding, because when Russ gave me the wonderful news that he was going to marry Karis after, I don't know, 25 years of being together, he said, right, we're having the Bucks party in Vegas. I'm like, sick, that's great. And obviously wedding in London.

And I went, phew, I've got a tough decision to make here because I can afford one of those trips. Yeah. So, and obviously my wife was invited to the wedding. So I had to say, hey, Hannah, just want you to know I'm going to Vegas. Good luck at the wedding. Have fun. Yeah, so that would be the, that is the last, is that the last time, Russ? Yeah, that's the last is that the last time Russ? yeah that's the last time we saw each other

yeah it was the last time and it was a majestic five days and yeah what's lovely is there's so many stories from that one of the oddest stories is that Al Pitcher the Kiwi comedian who is now based in Sweden, who's like a megastar now in Sweden, he decided to become a vegan.

That's up there with being popular podcasters in Australia. But listen to this. He made the decision to become a vegan the day before going to a stag do in Vegas with British men and an Australian comedian. And he was shown the respect you would imagine that would happen. So one of my favorite scenes, we were at this ridiculous pool party and everyone's glamorous. And then there's me and my mates looking like fucking just corned beef and scotch eggs in shorts, just looking like rancid and sweaty and English.

And you were there, Harley, just to be clear. Well, Harley was there. But Harley really picked our average up by looking fabulous. So it looked like we were Harley's. And his wife there, side by side, obviously. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hannah was there. It looked like we were Harley's sort of backing dancers or like writers.

We were like writers for like his Europop. But basically, so we're in the middle of this we're dancing and music's playing and steve williams is eating a salad around picture so whenever i was near women or talking or anything my friend steve would appear with a bowl of salad and start eating it. And then he would have lettuce thrown in. It was fucking majestic. It was so... And their aunt, Harley, disappeared with my cousin, Lee.

And we don't know where they went. Well, this was a fun night. So it was one of our down nights. Like, we'd been out in the day. I think we'd played soccer. And one of your good mates, the only American on the trip uh almost died as a result of playing soccer yeah legitimately yeah um what was it that what was it that happened to me on the aneurysm or something yeah he had a pulmonary embolism he's uh 50 55 years old and he played football for two hours with a load of english men

and um and then went out and then went out on the lash in a desperate attempt to kind of stay up with us. Ended up in a wheelchair, being wheeled around for the whole week, but refused to stop. Oh, wow. I was going to say, was he declared dead and then they checked the VAR and he was called away? He had a fucking priest at the hospital in New York just come along and say, do you want me to have a few words?

And he apparently told me that he just ushered away with his hand like that, like a fucking, like a bored medieval prince. Fuck off. But yeah, yeah. So he nearly died. Well, that night people were sort of taking it easier because we had the big pool party the next day and I just commandeered Lee, your cousin, who's a wonderful man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, again, I think if that man lived in the same country as me, we'd be thick as thieves. Fuck, yeah. And I just said, Lee, we're going down the dispensary. We're going to get some weed. And he's like, oh, I don't smoke weed. I'm like, yes, you do.

We're in Vegas. Let's go. So we walked down. We went into a Bottle-O to buy alcohol for the five-minute walk. And just we're complete foreigners about it, and we're tipping the girl in the Bottle-O. She's like, you don't have to do that. And I'm like, we're loaded.

We're drinking cans of beer, walking down the strip in the opposite direction for where all the casinos are so shit was getting really hectic quickly like there was a there was a really disturbed vagrant in the middle of the road just stopping traffic and me and lee went over to him and just beckoned him off the road with the offer of beer. We're like, come here, mate. You clearly need more of this, and sat him down in the gutter. You were trying to tip him. Yeah, that's right. I was just giving tips to every American.

I heard it's bad over here. Good work being crazy. Have a dollar. You've actually excelled. Well, we found ourselves at the dispensary and as you boys know I'm a big fan of cannabis and I bought enough weed to last me a month

and I had three days left and I don't regret it at all and nor does my Uber driver on the way to the airport he's got some great gifts we walk out and I lit up this gargantuan joint the size of a Cuban cigar and just handed it to Lee.

And I'd sort of asked, because the situation in the U.S. is you can actually pick what it is you want. You can say, I want to feel this, I want this kind of high, whatever, as opposed to Australia where you go, hey, have you got any weed? They go, yep, and you go, cool, done. As opposed to Australia where you go, hey, have you got any weed? They go, yep. And you go, cool, done.

Right? So I'd got this massive joint, smoked it, lead out a bit, and we're wandering along the road like we're in a film clip now and then just heard these screech of tires and looked beside us and there's an eight-lane road and a black SUV had been hit on the back corner by a blue sedan and spun around three or four times on the road. It was literally like we were in the middle of a movie. I'm like, what's going on? Looking for the cameras.

The guy that was hit in the black SUV gets out and jumps over the barriers to the highway and just runs into the fucking desert. And I went, well, you're dead now. I don't even know why like, why you're running. You got hit, right? And so then the guy that hits the car gets out, and then Lee just got all wide up on it because he'd just had cannabis

for the first time in a decade maybe and just was going, hey, we saw everything. Get back in the car. authority whatsoever and and then the guy goes no no it's fine they're both my cars and we're like fuck i'm so too stoned for this and what had happened is the guy in the black suv had stolen it so the other dude jumped in his wife's car and then just smashed both of his cars, like fucking peak America. Wow. Just amazing.

And so then we just sat and went, mate, this is so Vegas. It's dinner and a show. So just sat there and watched how it all unfolded. And there's cops and security guards and everyone around, and then this old couple come up beside us and asked what was happening, and we told the

longest version of the story yeah yeah yeah and then and then at the end and i've got this massive blunt that i'm just still token away on and this lady this american lady goes just so you know um cannabis is legal to buy in nevada but you're not allowed to just walk around. Bit of decorum, please. It's like a hundred police officers. I'm like, time to go. I love this. I love this thing that you've witnessed.

That's like this beautiful mix between Cirque du Soleil and a demolition derby. That's fucking great. Just cars smashing into each other, but with a bit of backstory as well. That's incredible. Well, this is what they didn't realise. They were actually taking part in immersive theatre. All right. They were just led around.

The best part was we came back after this journey and we got back to the casino. Russ had gone to bed and a few of the boys were still up and had lost a ridiculous amount of money on the tables. And we were just on cloud nine having the best time. And then like a proper Aussie, I just put five bucks in the pokes and won a hundred. It was fucking amazing.

I went and bought a hundred dollars worth of tacos. You're not allowed to eat them in the street though. You can buy them, but you can't eat them in the street. Also can buy them but you can't eat them in the street Also, Carly, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, we'll edit out the taco story out of this podcast It's not cool What was so great

about it is that that was the beginning of the night for Lee and lee ended up having a uh a sexual experience with a lady that big yeah that began uh at three o'clock in the morning in a mcdonald's when this uh this young lady went up to him and stole his burger and that's how it started and that's beautiful and that's all that's all I'll say

but it's one of the the next I'll say heaps more so we're both shooting heroin so I took my dick out of the taco and then I walked over but

I'll fast forward to the end of the taco and then I walked over. I'll fast forward to the end of the story that this young lady left the casino wearing his underwear and one of his tops. And that's and then that was the last we saw of her. And then he told us he told us the story. And it was like being in a fucking street song, you know, when you're just like, oi, oi, oi, Lee Satchel, you bastard. Like, it was absolutely exquisite. So then for the rest of the stag do, whenever we went into a new bar, somebody would order a burger and would give you a burger. There's a lot of food-based pranks going on this trip.

Yeah, there really was. Do you know what was lovely about it is that when you kind of go on your stag do that, you, you realize that the friends that you've sort of acquired are a reflection of your personality. And you're sort of seeing all the different sort of ages of yourself and all the different aspects of your personality. And it's kind of this moment.

Cause you're looking at all your mates going, fuck, I think I'm all right. I mean, I'm fucking mad, but I think I'm all right. It's something quite sweet about when you sort of see them sort of lined up. There was another lovely moment where these girls came into our cabana and they said, can we have some of your drinks? And we were like, yeah, fine.

And then they said, can we eat some of your chicken? And we were like, yeah, if you want. And then they started abusing my friend Steveve hall saying he looked like shane mcgowan and and we let we let them stay and and i and it's so it's a real window because there's not one man that has that story where they've wandered in to someone's cabana and gone, can we have a few beers, ladies? And the girl's like, yeah, all right. Fucking hell, she's a pig, isn't she? You got any chicken?

Like, it was just, it was such a window into the, that men are like, these girls are all right. And they're being, fucking, they're stealing from us. They're insulting my friend. I think, to be honest, we were about to get rid of them until they referred to Steve looking like James Gowen and were like, right, you can stay. You're one of us.

It was so funny. To go back to your cousin picking up after the girl in McDonald's stole his burger, that's one of those things where, like, if that was me in an interaction like that where then we hook up, I'm doing whatever I can to end up with that woman forever because that is just such a great beginning of a relationship story. Yes. You know what I mean?

Yeah, absolutely. That's the story that you want to be telling on the wedding day. Like, my friend went on a date the other week and the date was like a bit of a fizzer and there was a group of guys sitting behind her on the date and she could hear them talking about the date, commentating the date and how fucked it was. And then as she leaves, she hears one of the guys go, God, what was she thinking?

And I was like, you should have gone over and start a conversation with the guy that said that because that is a beautiful start to a relationship story. You know what I mean? I was getting roasted by my current husband on another date. You've got to look for those moments. Who cares about having a fucking connection?

I think what you need to factor into Lee's story, though, is that this happened at 3 o'clock in the morning in Vegas after a dispensary visit and a lot of alcohol. I think the girl that snatched that burger may not have been wife material. There's a chance. No, no. You hitch your wagon to that horse and you just ride out the rest of your days in just blistering uncertainty.

Also, just edit out the bit of how much she cost. Just go on from that bit. Well, we already know how much she cost. Just go on from that bit. Well, we already know how much she cost, his shirt and his underwear. Yeah, yeah. And a burger. And burger. It was – and then I got married four weeks later, and my brother was my best man.

And my brother has got bravado like you ain't never seen. Wonderful man. Just a wonderful specimen of a human being. He suddenly transformed. He spoke. You know how people speak on, like, LinkedIn? Like, he suddenly started talking in a completely different way that nobody had ever heard.

So he was like going, oh, you know, it's a tremendous day. Keris, absolute credit to your family. And everyone's in the room going, what the fuck is he talking? Like that. And then my brother goes, yeah, we had a, you know,

a fairly unusual childhood. And my dad went, that's because I didn't love you and and the room went like that yeah and then in one moment that everyone in the room realized why i was a stand-up they were like it was this moment where everyone went ah Everyone went, ah, I see. So that's the dynamic. And my brother just did this beautiful speech. The thing about getting married, all the clichés are true, eh? It was such a great day.

It was so wonderful. Russ, we can see in the Zoom window you're wearing a Liverpool top at the moment. It reminds me, I was out the other day, what was it, a week and a half ago or so. You support Liverpool, I support Liverpool. You famously gave us some tickets to go and see the game, which is still the highlight. I'll make the call, the highlight of 2020.

There was a lot of great things that happened this year. That was the best bit. Hard to pick out a highlight, but I've done it. But the other day, I got up. Of course, the matches are pretty early over in Australia, so I got up, watched the match. Very disappointing draw. Very frustrating draw I saw the other day.

And I was in a shit of a mood. And so the game's finished by about 8 o'clock, 9 o'clock our time. So I got up and went for a run. And I've got the full – I'm a bit of a full and so the game's finished by about eight o'clock nine o'clock our time so i got up and went for a run and i've got i've got the full i'm a bit of a full kit wanker i go running and i've got the hat i've got the shirt i got the jacket i got the shorts lovely image i go off g-string and and when i'm and when we have a bad result i sort of i sort of take it as i take it to heart i go out there and i'm i'm running up a hill going i'm gonna fucking kill this hill because because you know this is what these cunts should have done to get us the three points instead of the one point. Fuck this and I'm running up the hill

going fucking psycho and then I go for the full run and I'm on my way home and I'm still really shitty because also Manchester United have got three points as well so they've caught up a little bit on me. I come down the final hill and I can see this guy coming towards me, full kit wanker

in manchester united gear and so i'm still i'm still furious and i'm nearly finished my run and i'm all fucking psyched up and i'm getting closer and closer to him and i just see him and from a little from about 10 meters away i just go boo and i started I start booing this guy at 8.30 in the morning and I'm like it's just the headspace I mean I start booing him very loudly

and I just see the guy's eyes just open he looks at me and just when I go past him as I finish booing him for 10 seconds he goes oh

I love the podcast see fuck wow this is the predicament about being such a big public figure mate that that yeah i know i know you but you you have to think about the way you act but we must never we must never ever lose that from football like yeah there's something about like one of my my footballing highlights um it was it was more than a boo it was so it was so it this sums up kind of lower league football i went to watch bath city play um some team boxing day two years ago there was quite a heavy set

goalkeeper and there was a 12 year old boy behind the goal there's probably about 300 people in the crowd max the heavy set keeper picks the ball out of the net looks up to this 12 year old boy and says did you have a good christmas and the 12 year old boy looked at him and went, it looks like you did, you fat cunt. And it was, it was,

it was football. That, that is football. It's like, there is no, there's no world in which that's acceptable. It's not allowed. And yet somehow it was,

he was protected by the majesty. And you see the goal, the goalkeeper looked at him as if to say, you've got me there. I have to respect the artistry. Also, what an absolute Christmas present that the goalkeeper has given that kid. What was he thinking was going to be the answer? That's just a beautiful setup. Absolutely. has given that kid like what was he thinking was going to be the answer that's just a beautiful setup yeah yeah absolutely well it was like weirdly we had talking of giving footballers

open goals i interviewed ex-liverpool player jamie redknapp on my tv show and i got people to send in questions for him and one of the questions was from my mum and she says hello jamie big fan um i just want to know what your guilty secret is. And then I show that to Jamie and he says, well, now it's your fucking mum. And it's just like, well, I walked into that. And it's just a moment where you're beautifully outwitted by a footballer in front of the nation. You just got to take that shit on the chin.

Totally. I mean, that podcast listener, Carll he's kitted up that morning he knows the pod he knows who you go for he knows the result he's he's gone out thinking be fucking great if i run he i reckon he's done it that's a that's a lure he's gone fishing yeah yeah yeah he probably was just rock hard putting the gear on going he's gonna see me and he's going to fucking hate it. I'm going to be up and pasting from the king. And now he's going to hear himself being spoken about on the podcast and it's going to make him feel happy.

And he's probably just pulled the noose off right now. And he's thought, do you know what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can carry it. He's probably going full Russell Howard in his bedroom, I reckon. He's cracked open the kettle and absolutely filled it. Yeah, I mean, it's rare that you can say of one of our listeners that a noose would be the way that they'd be able to do it.

Yeah, yeah. It's hard to get a noose around three chins, I would have thought. They don't exactly strike me as people with marine qualities. Hey, Russ, last time we had you on, we were talking about the sex doll that someone had made of you. And this was a story that I remembered the other day from growing up. When I was in high school, we had a friend in our group. Did either of you guys have this friend in your group?

The kid who just gets like super testosteroneed up and like horny before anyone else in your kind of circle of friends really has? The person that becomes like interested in sex way too early. Did you have that guy? We certainly did. Mine was called Scott and he has since found Jesus. Continue. Oh, nice.

Wow. Harley, what about you? Oh, that was definitely me. You were this kid. Right. No, it wasn't at all. But, yes, I did have a couple of mates like that at school, but I was the opposite of Russell's mate

because I had found Jesus by force. And so all of my sexual energy was repressed by dogma. So I didn't even lose my own virginity until 22. I did try. I just couldn't seem to get rid of it. Wow. You were going up the bush finding't seem to get rid of it. Wow. You were going up the bush finding copies of the Bible instead of pornos.

That's right. That's right. You're on the other end of the spectrum where you're that guy getting horny late in life, like in your late 30s where everyone's like, this is weird, man. Stop talking about fucking so much. Stop pausing movies you've taped off SBS when you're 34. Stop pausing movies you've taped off SBS when you're 34. I've still got the same bit of a Kmart catalogue just folded up in my wallet that just does the trick.

It's the kids' toy section. Anyway, sorry. Yeah, we had that kid in our group of friends, and it was when I was in, like, I guess year nine or so. It was his birthday coming up, and we were trying to think of something funny to get him, and so we all thought, let's get him a sex doll. This is a funny prank because he's, like, super into, like, horny stuff.

And, you know, it's at that age where, yeah, he's trying to bring out pornos, and we're all just still kind of clinging to adolescence a bit, just like, no, we're good with the Tonka trucks, thanks, mate. Like he's trying to pull us into that world a bit early. So we decide, yeah, we'll get him a sex doll. But then, you know, none of us can get it. Like we're all children.

And so I don't know how, I don't know what made me think that this was a good idea, but what we ended up doing was we got my dad to go into the sex store and buy a blow-up sex doll for my 13-year-old friend. Wow. And he did it. Bizarrely enough, he did it. I don't remember any.

Who's weirder in this story, you or your dad? His fucking dad. Oh, definitely your dad. dad it's fucking dad that's a straight red that's a straight red that's also a real dad of one kid thing to do like a dad more than one kid wouldn't be pulling that shit but your dad's so fucking bored because he's only got one kid he's like yeah fuck it but it's also i'm imagining i'm imagining the small talk in the shop when your dad's a bit embarrassed he's like don't worry it's for my son and his mates like yeah yeah it's for a 13 year old boy it's a bit of a it's a bit of a prank present because one of his mates is sex obsessed.

So actually, while I'm here, give us two of those butt plugs. And you got any handcuffs because this kid's a fucking maniac. Yeah, yeah. See you later, Brian. Yeah, yeah. Just like, wow. Also, I love the idea. It's like, it's a bit of a prank.

We're going to buy this sex doll for a kid who's really horny. That's not really a prank. That's just a doll that a kid is going to fuck. Yeah, but the prank was knowing that it was going to be open in front of family and everything. That was the prank element. It was like, yeah, it'll kind of stitch him up in front of his parents and all that sort of stuff.

But Russ, I think you're spot on. I do believe that that was verbatim the interaction that Dad had. I think he did explain that it was for his child's young friend. Because I remember pitching it to him and thinking that I might have to kind of get it over the line by explaining how funny it would be. And I remember Dad just like immediately being into it because he was like, oh, yeah, there's a Club X just like on the block next to work so I can just pop in on my lunch break. Like as long as it was convenient for him.

What in the world? He was just right into it and happy to do. That is phenomenal. Like I mean I'm envious but also horrified at the same time that you sort of have that kind of relationship with your dad where you can just kind of go, you know. Like, I used to, I was scared shitless of my dad. Like, do you know what I mean?

So the idea that I kind of go, it's a bit of a funny thing. Yeah, we need to blow up Betty for Scott. Do you know what I mean? Because, do you remember? Yeah, we need to blow up Betty for Scott. Do you know what I mean? Because – Yeah. Do you remember? What did he get? I've got a few horny mates.

Here's a shopping list. Yeah. If you can just go down and get me about 12 foreigners. I mean, I'm scared of my now retroactively remembering the story. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now that I'm kind of putting together in my head what kind of a man this is that's going to be happy to do that.

Yeah, I'm getting scared of him. But I've got to – you have to respect the prank because the courage it took for you to kind of knock on your dad's i'm imagining study he's there he's kind of um you know he's he's hard at work he's trying to get promotion you knock and you go during the building you're right dad yeah here's a couple of uh couple of bucks. Can you go and get a sex doll? And your dad says, yeah, I'm willing to do that. They go, they get the sex doll. The sex doll then gets wrapped up and then it's delivered. It's a brilliant prank. Now you can order it. I could order, I could order 15 sex dolls to this hotel and I could, I could, I could video myself making love to every single one of them and I'd become an overnight sensation. And it's easy. Whereas the effort it would have taken 20 years ago

for me to convince somebody outside to bring in a sex doll through nothing other than mime. I mean, this is the world we're living in. The world's too easy. I remember pitching it to my dad because he knew this friend of mine who was around at the house a lot. And I think so kind of ubiquitous was this kid's early onset horniness that I remember dad just getting it immediately.

Like, hey, we think this will be funny. Like, we want to get him a sex doll for his birthday. And dad just going, ah, yep, yep all right i can help with this like he you know he was just across it you know yeah he was over he was he's been over he'd been noticed like rooting your your couch cushions right there's been some sleepovers there was probably some dodgy washing up that mom had had to do at some point or another the difference between our upbringings too, Tommy, is like at 13 you've got your dad walking into a knock shop to get you a blow-up doll. At the same age, my dad was petitioning to shut down the new sex shop

that had just arrived in country Queensland, and everyone was like, oh, Reverend, fuck off. Stay in your lane, mate. Where are we going to get our birthday presents? It's sort of that thing. Can you imagine, though? Like, I've never, I've never, and hopefully never will, make love to a sex doll.

But I think we're talking instant regret if you ever did. Like, do you know what I mean? Like, it was just like that moment. And we were on about this the other day because you can now get, it was on the TV show, you can get really realistic like robot ones, but like how could you be 100% certain

they wouldn't sort of malfunction and then just like march you out into the street? Do you know what I mean? Like Wallace and Gromit, it was style, everyone could see you and you're like hanging off it like that yeah the wrong pussy yeah yeah exactly yeah exactly it's the wrong pussy gromit it's the wrong yeah and i i i don't think you're ever coming back from that do you know what i mean if you've literally you're getting fucking pegged down the road in front of all your neighbors i mean i'm a person who covers up the webcam on my computer you know before i jay off in front of it

like imagine the robot sex doll coming to life and just fucking beaming you out over the you know over the internet that'd be my i'd be taping up its eyes just in case just in case it's going live or when they go when they become sentient and all the robots sort of you know figure out what's happened to them and then a few of the sex dolls are going that's him that fucker there yeah yeah yeah yeah so i i the end of the story is then so this guy he opens the present and he's wrapped like he's you know he's very funny. And, yeah, clearly would have just been obliterating that thing. Also, by the way, did you, when your dad bought it, did you pay for it?

Did you give your dad money for a sex doll? Yeah, we all chipped in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then he's on me. He's like, can you chase up, you know, it was like me and four mates. He's like, can you get the cash from them for the sex doll? Because we all went like, yeah, he bought us in it. Your dad was like chasing a little Wobbsy for seven bucks or you get the cash from them for the sex doll? Because we all went like, yeah, quarters in it. Your dad was like chasing a little Wobbsy for seven bucks or whatever.

Yeah, for money for the sex doll. So it's a bit like this friend of mine opens it in front of the party and immediately you could tell a vibe of like, everyone get out. I want to have, you know, because it was like, I don't know, I think it was like we were staying over or something. It was just like, no, I want it. Which, yeah it was like, I don't know, I think it was like we were staying over or something. It was just like, no, I want it. Which, yeah, I mean, I can understand.

The prank backfired. It's like, this is the most thoughtful gift I've ever gotten. Genuinely. Genuinely. Yeah. Oh, my God. I can't remember whether the- I love the idea that he started crying tears of joy and he used those as lube, that fucking pig. Yeah, so then like a couple of months later,

he was round at our house. Stinking. He came around to thank your dad, the matchmaker. Yeah, pretty much. I can't remember where, I assume we must have told him that that's how we got it because you know that's you've got it you have to ask the question like you know it's such a great story i think he knew so he comes around and um dad's just kind of like he comes around your house

presumably stinking of burnt basketballs The stench of like just that, like a thousand balloons that have been wrecked. Yeah, because we gave, I'm remembering details about this story on the fly. I remember because we, you know, you want that like cartoon looking sex, you know, like the classic blow up, like mouth open. Yeah. And then dad's in the store. Sorry, C know, like the classic blow up, like mouth open. Yeah. And then dad's in the store. Sorry, Cupid, not dad. Dad's in the store calling me, going like, hey, they're trying to upsell me. They've got these like more realistic looking ones.

Oh, right. Do you guys want to chip in a bit more and get him that? I didn't know that people worked in sex shops were so good at their job. That's excellent. Just in the change room. How are you going for size in there? Everything fit? So, yeah, he's on the phone.

He's like, yeah, the guy's telling me that this one's better and if you boys chip in another $10 each. And I'm like, no, Dad, it's got to be just the standard, you know, teen movie, like the classic, like what everyone pictures in their head of the sex, which, yeah, to make like what everyone pictures in their head of the second, which, yeah, to make love to that back in the day would have been brutal. Like that's not a realistic, it's just in a fold of just,

anyway. Yeah. So then, yeah, a couple of months later, he's at our house hanging out and, you know, dad can't help himself, as I'm sure you can probably get from all the other details in the story. And he comes up to my friend and he's like, did you like the gift? And my friend just like all of a sudden like it's not very funny anymore.

He's like, oh, yeah, yeah, thanks for that. And then Dad goes, yeah, thought I'd get it out of the box before I gave it over to you and give it a bit of a test run myself. So, yeah. And to this day, I'll never know if that was a joke or not. Like, it's pretty... Oh, that was not a joke.

That is definitely happening. Like, the readiness of your father to go, oh, yeah, there's just a Club X down the end of the street. No shit, mate. You go in there on the way home from work. Dad, it was meant to be 50 bucks, but it says here a loyalty discount.

We've only had to pay 25. What's going on? You went in there once. Why is there nine stamps on your card? Anyway, yeah, that's my twisted dad. That's my beautiful twisted dad. That's terrible. All of a sudden he's been held for leather on that thing and then gone.

Oh, this is fucking used. The love of my life's been around the block a few times already. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now I'm Eskimo brothers with my friend's dad. But to be honest, I sense from your friend like a real, like when your dad said that, kind of go, yeah, once before i sense your mate going yeah she's good isn't she i can't i can't imagine he's freaked out by he seems like i mean i don't know the kid but he seems like such a such a pervert like that moment when but the moment you're at a party and

you go oh there you go you got you got a blocked door. And he goes, okay, right, everybody out. Like, that is, like, fuck. To have that level of confidence to go, seriously, everyone fuck off. But, mate, you're not going to have sex with this because that's going to ruin your life. Yeah. Listen, man. What if I put the pieces together and realized that then him and my dad had just started spending all this extra time together after that, and realised that then him and my dad had just started spending all this extra time together after that, just hanging out,

cruising for couch cushions and other inanimate objects that they can both have their way with. Yeah, you may have heard that and went, oh, that's where she learned all those tricks. Cheers, Mr. Olson. Yeah, with an older man, yeah. Oh, yeah, right. Bit of an experienced lover.

Oh, anyway, I need a cold shower after retelling that one. I feel fucking disgusting reliving that part of my childhood. Jesus Christ. Yeah, who would have thought your dad that's writing his own porno would have done that to you, mate? I'm shocked. And now, and the thing is, that doll is probably somewhere in the ocean floating.

Do you know what I mean? In my mind's eye, that's what Greta Thunberg imagines. Yeah, yeah. She thinks of plastic pollution, it'd be great. She goes, imagine if that's in her next talk. Tommy Dassler's father bought a heavily plastic safe. Wow. Well, you never know. It could have been crushed up and turned into a Coke bottle, you know?

Yeah. What does your dad do when he's not enabling minors? He's in adult entertainment. He's an architect. um he's in adult entertainment he's a he's an architect wow what a fucking yeah i mean it's for me that's the most mind-blowing part of the story that you've got a relationship like that where and it's the confidence your dad to take a to make a phone call presumably when you go into a sex shop fucking in out who's fucking yeah who's dawdling who Who's kind of, oh yeah, you can get a better one. All right, give me five minutes. Yeah, yeah. I've just got to bring up my child. Like, it's...

The person I'm buying this for is in bed at seven o'clock, so I've just got to get time to wake him up. Yeah, exactly. They're harrowing place, those sex shops, too. Like, have you been in, Russ? Have you walked into a sex shop? I've been in a, weirdly, have you walked into a sex shop i've been in this weird i've been in a sex shop in in auckland years ago when i was 22 but that and i've been in

one with my mum for a tv show yeah there's a lot going on oh and i'm the weirdo yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah well yeah i'd imagine one of the main reasons you're not going in is because you get recognized absolutely everywhere you go and that's not really the place you want to get recognised. Sure, sure. When my second child, Hannah and my first child together, I've made some mistakes. Anyway.

Sounds like you could have done with a doll at some stage, I think, instead. A doll would have been a lot better result. I would have had a fucking 10-year-old balloon. Anyway. And you'd still have your car and your clocks. Yeah, that's right. Well, it was great.

It took us an hour to get to that fucking point. And to be honest with you, my current wife, which is the worst term ever, current wife, has taken off with my car and I'm in my parents' car. So, you know. But when Walter turned one, I thought, I was in Adelaide Fringe and I thought, I've got to get a gift for the one-year-old. I'm like, well, why bother?

Because he's one. He's not going to remember. It's actually Henna that needs the gift. So I was like, oh, fuck it. I'll get her a sex toy. That's a wonderful thing. We made him with sex. I'll buy her a sex toy that's a wonderful thing we we made him with sex or buy her a sex toy it's romantic it's lovely so i've left my hotel room to uh go into this

sex shop up in um on hindley street in adelaide anyone who knows it knows that the hindley street is is a very um it's the high street of adelaide and i've walked in and and I was already nervous and paranoid about walking in there for no good reason. I'm a grown adult. There are legal shops. I'm allowed to be in there. I pretty much never get recognized, and I walk in the door, and this guy that just looked greasy came out from behind a whole thing

of dildos and just went, oh, my God, it's Ali Vree. Oh, my God, fuck's Ali Vree! Oh my God, fuck and hell! Are you serious? Anyway, so I said, just wrap up the best dildo you've got. Oh fuck, and plus I've got to get something for Hannah.

That's it. Wrap up the best dildo you've got and then he leaves. He's like, shit, I forgot. That's so funny. It's something better. Well, yeah, that's my dad in answer to what he does, Russ. Yeah, he's an architect. He designed a whole bunch of stuff at the Melbourne Zoo.

So, you know, folks listening, next time you're there, if you're checking out the monkeys and the little enclosure that they're in and you're going like, wow, imagine coming up with this. I wonder what kind of mind could have possibly designed this. Now you know. Yeah. I've seen that. The monkeys are all in a fucking dildo cage.

Yeah. Hang on. Is that a double-ended dildo that those two apes are fighting with? What pig? Yeah. Why is the monkey enclosure shaped like a dildo going in and out of the cassowary enclosure that's shaped like a pussy? That's a weird picture this zoo has.

I love that your dad's, I love the fact that your dad's an architect for monkeys. That's fantastic. He's working his way up to humans. That's what they study you out of. Yeah, right. Because that's what you say. Straight out of uni.

You're like, what does your dad do after you've found out he's bought a blow-up doll for a 13-year-old? He's an architect. That doesn't fit. Oh, he's an architect for monkeys. No, that doesn't fit. It makes sense. It checks out. Yeah, well, we're hoping his architecture evolves one day.

And his sense of morality. Well, I love the idea as well. I love the idea that your dad's kind of, he's going in and he's showing the blueprints to all these monkeys. And he's going, we can do this and we can have that. And they're like, mate, just fucking give me a tyre and fucking swing it, all right? We don't need you we don't need

your fancy dad i don't care what uni you went to mate keep it fucking simple we're monkeys yeah we don't need the slide yeah i've designed i've designed i remember elbow room this is the butterfly house there's no fucking elbows it's fine as is i did um i did a gig at a zoo a couple of years ago now. And you know when you're kind of riffing and you're in such a level of confidence that you go, I'll just abandon my stuff and we'll just get into it. And I was performing to all these people that worked at the zoo. And I said, you know the gorillas back there?

And they were all like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I said, do you ever find yourself just looking at them thinking, let's see and they're all like yeah yeah yeah i said do you ever find yourself just looking at them thinking let's see what they're capable of do you know what i mean like and like you look at you look at the penguins let's say you've got an old penguin that's dying do you not think fuck it let's sling him in there and see what these fuckers can do and mate i've never died as hard as that in my fucking yeah like like but like top top shelf like horrified i couldn't move them beyond it i'm like are you suggesting that we should get a gorilla to rip a penguin no no no no i'm just you know i'm just just saying but i still maintained it if if you knew the penguin was dying i'd fucking love to see a

gorilla rip it to pieces like i couldn't i couldn't get beyond it of like any dying animal any dying animal any any diagnosis comes back he's got penguin cancer let's just euthanize him yeah and i rather than rather than leave it alone, I started then working up different – thinking that the animal was the problem, but then I was going like, you know, it's a really old lady and she's on her deathbed and you can't afford a funeral. Let's see what this fucker can do. You're thinking that you're just going to find the animal that they hate enough

that they're going to be like, yes, we agree. This is what I was thinking. All right, now we're on, yeah. And if your dad had been there, he'd have made me a monkey prison. I love the idea also in comedy, in comedy, like what you did was called like a corporate gig and people go, man, corporate gigs are so hard. And you've gone, you know what?

Let's see if I can make it harder. Let's see if I can make it way harder than it needs to be. Yeah. I'm up at an accounting firm. What if you guys just like came in here with an Uzi and started fucking shooting up the place? What would that be like? All right, we'd better wrap it up for another week on the Little Dumb Dumb Club.

Russell Howard, Harley Breen, thank you very much for joining us. Russ, you have got your New Zealand tour starting, I think, basically, when this comes out. You'll be a free man. You'll be up there on the stages to packed theatres in New Zealand. Hopefully.

Yeah, go and check that out if you're in the country. I might even be doing some gigs in Australia, which hopefully by then I might be doing some gigs in Brisbane, maybe, but we don't know. But if not, I'll be doing the gigs in July. And hopefully the world will be in a better place and I can come and see you. And when I do see you, know this now,

I am going to have a suitcase bulging full of sex dolls. That's good because I thought you were going to say cum. Yeah, yeah. That's a good result. Normally, Russ, I would assume you were saying that for comedic effect, but the last time you made a promise on this podcast, it was that you'd pay Kappa to wear, I believe,

lipstick and straightened hair over to the UK and then you came good and gave him the money. So now I'm fucking terrified of the next time I see you. You've obviously made a vow to wreck every comedian in Australia's lives at some point. So here comes number two. No, no, it's not. I need to find Tommy's dad.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I could link you guys up. Great. Not bragging, but I got his number. Well, hopefully, yeah, yeah. But to the future, eh? Well, I hope I get to see you all soon, man. But then the weird thing is, 2020, obviously horrific,

but Liverpool did win the league, so what are you going to do? What are you going to do? She's a tricky one, isn't she? Good year. She's a tricky one. Yeah, yeah. Harley, Brian, you got stuff that you'd like to plug before we get out of here?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, hopefully I don't cut out again. My wife keeps stealing my – my ex-wife keeps stealing my reception. So comedy! Comedy! Look, we're attempting to put our tour on. I'm in Sydney at some point. Go to my website. Like, it's the third time we've tried to put it on. I'm in Sydney at some point. Go to my website.

It's the third time we've tried to put it on. I have something coming out later in the year which is fun that I also hope I can make it to to fucking record because again we keep shifting the dates on that. So it's just a hard thing to plug to be honest with you.

Just keep abreast of it on harleybring.com. Great. Yes. Keep an eye out for that. Guys, thank you very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mate.

See you, mate. See you. And they've done it again. Oh, boy. UK media superstar Russell Howard fucking the audio. Nice. Very nice. First time for everything the audio. Nice. Very nice. First time for everything.

Yeah, yeah. Love Zoom. Love getting back into the world of Zoom. Oh, God. This might be the – I think this is the most editing that an episode of this has ever needed. Well, I'll tell you this much. It's the first time I've ever had to take out an air conditioner of both a room and

a car in the one recording. Oh, wow. Fucking hell. Yeah. Well, good work, Tommy. But, yeah, fuck Zoom. Brutal. And also, yeah, you can't tell from listening to it,

but, my God, some of the worst connection shit we've ever had in our brief but turbulent Zoom careers. Yeah, yeah. I think it's a fun episode. Being in the room is always a lot more fun. But hey, speaking of being in the room, we've got live shows coming up. So talk about, you know, listening to four people who are in the room. Imagine being in the same room as those four people.

Imagine those four people being in the same room and then you being in the same room as them. In fact, five people being on stage. Yes, exactly. So what we're referring to, of course, is at the top of the show, we said we're doing a run. Every year we normally do a run in Melbourne. March, April, we do four shows.

We didn't do it last year. I can't remember why. But we're doing it in 2021. March into April, every Saturday at the European Beer Cafe in Melbourne. Check on our website or our socials for all the details. Now, look, to be completely honest, they may well be gone, but have a quick look because we put them on sale first. It's a nice little, I guess, a lure to get into our Patreon.

If you go to patreon.com slash little dum-dum club, we offered it to those guys first, Patreon subscribers, and they nearly all went just to those guys. Absolutely. Yeah, so a nice little heads up, early heads up for them and a bit of a fuck you for the rest of you, you absolute freeloading cunts. Exactly.

So yeah, go check that out there. Yeah, there may not be any left by the time this comes out. There might be one or two, so have a quick look. We're recording this basically Tuesday afternoon for a Wednesday morning release. And I think as of now, there's probably a couple of dozen left, and that's about it for the four. And not for one show or anything. Two of them are sold out already. Yeah, the first one and the last one are sold out.

Someone made us improve our security. Sold out. Someone made us improve our security. For all the talk at this point last week in talking dumb-dumb of me checking the numbers by just adding a lot of tickets to the basket and sort of walking away and it coming up as sold out and not realising that, someone decided to do that this morning, funny bugger style, and breached our security. So we fixed that up. You can't do that anymore with our tickets.

I did think that the other day, that, oh, someone could do that now and i thought to myself surely not surely i really took about 15 minutes for someone to do that just sold out all their shows out and stopped people as we as i just absolutely put it all over our social media an absolute waste of time as someone just uh what do you call it, reserved all those tickets. Well, because the annoying thing is, on my end, when I look at the reports, it doesn't show up as sold out there. It says to me, hey, there's like 15 tickets left or whatever. All it does is stop people from being able, so you're not pranking us.

You're not really pranking us in the sense of like where- Well, you are. You're depriving us of sales. Well, yeah, you're depriving us of sales, but we're not looking at it and going, oh, goody gumdrops. It's more like then we're getting messages going like, oh, this is sold out, and going, oh, actually, no, it's not.

That is still a prank. I think that still counts as a prank. If we're not getting any money and we're getting messages of annoyed people, that means that we're being pranked. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, that breach of security has been fixed,

so fuck you, you dumb fuck hacker. Mm-hmm. We're back. And grow up. Well, yeah. Look, don't grow up too much so that you stop listening to this podcast. You'll probably stop listening.

Yeah. I certainly hope, you know, you would like to hope that the person that's done that prank, at the very least, they have then gone back and bought a ticket. I wouldn't say that much. I didn't say I thought it would happen.

I said you'd like to hope that they have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do like to that much. I didn't say I thought it would happen. I said you'd like to hope that they have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do like to think that. You're right. I'd like to hope that I'll get slurped off by Pammy at some stage in my life. Not saying I think it's going to happen, but I'd like to hope. That is nice, actually. I'd imagine.

I think she's had a bit of work talent recently. Okay. I remember she... I remember reading a quote of work talent recently okay i remember she i remember reading a quote of her going i would never go under the knife i would never do anything like that oh wow and it's like pretty rich coming from someone with the the bra size has radically changed over the years if you don't say you're not going to go under the knife we we know you have yeah not complaining just observing yep Yep. But she has... I've noticed there's been a little bit of a change to her face.

Okay. Fair enough. I'm just noticing that she's gone against what she did say. And she's looking a little bit more like the... She's defying time at the moment. She's looking a little bit more like Pammy of old. Okay. Well, because if someone's had Botox, that's not the knife.

So by you saying... I don't use Botox. Okay. But I'm saying that's a worker. Someone going, I would never go under the knife. And then they're just getting the sweet injection. Yeah. They're free on a technicality.

They're like, no knives involved. I don't think it's Botox. You reckon there's been a bit of... A little bit of nip and tug. It's fine. Interesting. You know, that's your job. If your job's your appearance yeah fair enough absolutely but uh just just interesting to know when you you have such an icon like that and they change their look

you can't help but notice yeah i wonder i do feel like it's getting a bit more open now with i feel like there are a few more celebs these days that are fine with being open about like yeah i've had work done i feel like her era was a lot more like you these days that are fine with being open about like yeah i've had work done i feel like her era was a lot more like you had to like like you couldn't ever have anyone find out that you had work done right and i feel like it's kind of changing a little bit i think you know ultimately who gives a fuck just get the work done who cares people are uh doing it earlier now though i think yeah you what you see them doing it, instead of waiting until, you know, something's fucked.

Right. And then fixing it. People are doing it early, so you don't notice anything's getting fucked. Yeah, and you've photographed a lot, like with social media, your image is out there, like, more constantly and more frequently.

And do it more subtly and more often, and all of a sudden, they'll go, have a look at this person 10 years ago, and now, now, and you go, they have got it completely they've got half the size of their nose yeah yeah so there's a you know there's a bit of pressure on on us to do the same probably you know podcasting yeah we're the new superstars get the vocal go back to f1 and go i want to sound like that again oh man imagine if we what if we go back and

just re-record episode one yeah re. Re-record our first 20 episodes. They're not just dog shit. Yeah, I don't mind the idea of getting someone to transcribe them. Put those episodes under the knife. Yeah, and then we... So we get it transcribed, then we punch it up. Yes. Then we re-record our bits.

Yes. Yeah. Because people do that with movies. I don't think there's ever been... There's a couple of... They're George Lucas-ing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But generally, if you do that, they come out worse. But in terms of this case, I don't think it would come out worse.

It couldn't possibly come out worse. But, you know, they've got their fans. This is, you know, it got popular. So, I mean, there would be... That's the thing. It's like, that's what George... You know, he thinks everyone wants more fucking CGI stormtroopers or whatever they're called. The, like, big robot things walking around in the thing. It's like, that's what George, you know, he thinks everyone wants more fucking CGI stormtroopers. Right.

Or whatever they're called. The like big robot things walking around in the back. Everyone wants that. Right. But, you know, a lot of purists are like, yeah, you know, it looks cooler, but this is what I grew up with. Yeah. You know, this is what I went and saw. Right.

People are going, episode one, that's what I went and listened to the podcast drive in. Yeah. When I was eight years old. Yeah. You know, I don't want it fixed up. I like the rough around the edges charm. We don't want two Jar Jar Binks in this podcast. Yes.

Exactly. All right. Well, maybe we don't touch it. Yeah. We don't touch it at all. I mean, look, we were never going to put in the effort to do that anyway. So, yeah, at least we have a reason to not touch it now because we decided. I do.

I mean, it's an interesting experiment. I do like the idea of trying it for Ep 1. Yeah. Do the big re-release. Yeah, yeah, at least we have a reason to not touch it now because we decided. I do. I mean, it's an interesting experiment. I do like the idea of trying it for F1. Yeah. Do the big re-release. Yeah, yeah. But, yes, littledumbdumbclub.com is where you can find those tickets, hypothetically, if they're not gone already.

Do not sleep on this if you want to come to the shows in Melbourne, March and April. You have to be quick on it. Get on it right now. Because of, you know of the reduced seating, of course, as well. That is a big part of it. We can't sell as many tickets, which is why they went really, really quickly. Perth, hold your horses, obviously. Just a little update with Perth. Hold on to those horses.

We'll let you know exactly when and where. Oh, well, you know where. You know where. When is anyone's guess. When. Well, yeah. 2021. I'm going to call it.

We'll be over there in 2021. Man, I'm optimistic. It's going to be early. Yeah, sometime this year. Earlier rather than later. That's why I'm optimistic. Yeah. You know, I think I'm being influenced in my optimism by the fact I really want to go there.

Yeah. I'm really desperate to go there. Well, you're also being influenced by the facts, which are, what are we there? We've been showing okay. Like two weeks of zero cases. I don't know. So we're getting there. Oh, wow.

We're getting close to a... Great. I think technically it's meant to be like maybe another two weeks. Right. Before you can get over without quarantining. I've got to a... Great. I think technically it's meant to be like maybe another two weeks before you can get over without quarantining. I've got to change my flights. Yeah, they're in like two days. Yeah.

Yeah, probably. I should do that. Do they not just... Do they... I haven't been in the position of having a flight booked that then gets moved like that. No, they've been emailing me every day going, can you just confirm that we've just changed your flights?

And it's like some slight change to the flight, but still going to Perth. And I'm like, no, I'm not fucking doing that. Oh, yeah, because you can't, right, you can go. You can go, you just got to, you know, sit and... Quarantine. What about this? We're talking about this off air just before we got into this.

I've been influenced a little bit lately by, on Instagram of like ads of like pop-up burger places yeah and so i did i've done a couple of big drives recently because i got into the whole romanticism of this thing of like oh cool these like really cool burgers and they just pop up randomly and then they're just all in these weird places and i'll take you know i sort of treat it as like a little adventure like i'm just gonna go off you know my wife and child went to see the in-laws for you know the day i'm like okay i'll do some work and then i'll just drive off and find this little nugget of um burgerdom love it i love a journey to a restaurant yeah like especially when i'm overseas like most of my travel plans for

any day in any city i'm in i'm like heard this is the best place yeah it's an hour and a half walk from where i am so i guess i set off at 10 30 and then i'm there by lunch yeah yeah beautiful stuff yeah yeah i did that in italy just just yeah just uh you know trip advisor at all the best places and just go off on an adventure and it's great yeah so i did that i set myself a couple little adventures i'm like this like, this is going to be great. And so I took off and I went out to, it was, yeah, look, I Google tripped it and it was like a 20, 25 minute trip. I'm like, this is not too bad. It's doable. It's like 45 minutes plus.

Yep. Fucking ages. It ended up being past the airport. Okay. That's how far away it was. So I got out there. It's in the car park of an IGA in West Meadows. Mm-hmm.

It was a hot day, I'm just in a, just in a fucking dirty old car park and I'm like, fuck, this couldn't be, this is barely Melbourne anymore. Yeah. Got the burger, it was great, great burger. Yeah. And I was like, fuck this is. Is that somewhere for you to sit and eat it or are you just taking it down in the car? No, a couple, couple of little seats.

Okay. So that was good. Yep. Um, the next, so i'm following these guys on instagram going you know what maybe i'll whenever i get a spare second i'll just like follow them around the country yeah it's just a great style yeah yeah yeah great burger yeah um grateful bread um that's the like the whole food truck thing that's what that that used to be they used to be more of a culture of like they would just pull up at parks i I mean, I think most cities had it, but Melbourne for a long time had.

There was like an abandoned block not far from my house at the time that became like a de facto food truck hangout. And it was genuinely exciting. There was like a website that catalogued which ones were going to be where. And there were a couple that I really loved. So it was like, great, it's a nice night. I'm going to walk up to that park because that one's going to be there. And it was exciting. And then it kind of like died off. And now they're was like, great, it's a nice night. I'm going to walk up to that park because that one's going to be there. And it was exciting.

And then it kind of like died off and now they're just like, I don't know, they're just only ever at music festivals or like one of those purpose-built like food truck parks. But the thrill of just like turning up to a park and not knowing which one was going to be there, it's fucking awesome. Yeah, yeah, right. It burned bright for about six months and then the fad just,

I don't know, died off. Right. Well, that was me that was that was i loved this burger was fucking great one of the great burgers yep come home great okay you know a little bit guilty that i'd spent so much time of a day doing that just getting lunch yeah just getting lunch yeah and then you know they pop up on the socials again guys our next you know our next announcement of when and where we're going to be is coming up very soon.

They're hyping it. They're hyping it more than what we hype things on the socials, for sure. They're really doing it like Beyonce's dropping an album. Only four burgers left. Yeah, yeah. All this sort of stuff. When really there's like 12. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's the way we do it, right? So when they go, they go like, Midnight tonight, we're going to put it, you know, they do it on InstaStory. Oh, I love this. We're going to put it out on the tiles. You know, it's going to be a… Yeah, on the grid. Yeah. Yep, yep.

Great. Oh, awesome. So it's building up the anticipation for me and then it's like, cool, right. So next Saturday, we're going to be at West Meadows IGA Saturday at 12 o'clock. I'm like, that's where I was last week. The same spot. That's where I was last week.

Yeah. Oh, okay. All right, all right. I was going to go with Brett Black, friend of the show, and then he pulled out. And then I was like, oh, I won't go. And then they hype it up again. Next, oh, here's a new announcement.

Okay, where's this? Oh, right, West Me't go. And then they hype it up again. Next. Oh, here's a new announcement. Okay. Where's this? Oh, right. West Meadows. IGA. IGA. Yeah. In the car park.

It's like, do you need to... Is this a pop-up anymore or are you just selling burgers? You're part of the IGA. You just sell burgers in the car park. You need to hire them to cater something. I was tempted. Your child's second birthday is coming up. It's very close.

Second birthday. We're talking about what we're going to do for it. Yeah, well, here's the solution. Fuck. You get this guy in. Yeah. Make some burgers for your kid. What if I do that?

The only way I can justify is having it as part of the podcast, but then I don't want anyone to see my baby, have her involved in this world, this horrible world we live in. So just have a birthday party for my child, invite the burger guy, and then leave the baby at home. And put a bag over your child's head so no one can see it. Yeah, I mean-

Not invite my baby to her own party. Well, it's two because actually on this episode, Harley talks briefly about the thing which is quite common, the child's first birthday. And you go, well, I mean, we don't need to turn it on for the kid because it's like they're one. So I think what is becoming more common is like you get something for the parents to celebrate them making it a year of not completely fucking it up.

Now, does that still apply to or is the kid – No. The kid's logged on enough that it's like it's got to be about them, right? Yeah, it's got to be about them. That's such a shame. Yeah. I always heard – it's exciting. No, but I'm saying it's such a shame yeah oh no we've had we've you know it's exciting no but i'm saying it's a shame because of this specific thing because if it was just like

i'm just doing this as a treat for myself because my kid won't remember it anyway yeah if you had have fucked around a bit more yeah and had a kid a year later yeah now be in the perfect position we might have found this burger a year ago yes exactly yeah yeah yeah no but now now i think the, you know. You can have it both ways. You just have a little party at your house. You just get this guy to come through and cook some little burgies. Yeah, but for your friends and family.

Yeah, right. I wonder, oh, yeah, maybe I'll ask them how many burgers it takes to do a private function. Even you putting on a bit, like chucking a bit of money at it or whatever, surely that's at parity with you driving out beyond the airport multiple times a week. What you're spending in petrol to do that, surely you can just justify in the cost of like a few burgers

for friends and family. Yeah, yeah. No, that's fair. Yeah. Maybe I think about this. You don't have to make it a podcast event yeah you just have some comedians

right and then by default it's a podcast event because you can talk about it on the show oh yeah you don't have to invite listeners

that's right off yeah Patreon episode live there yeah yeah yeah maybe maybe it's a good idea doing a live podcast

at your daughter's birthday yeah that's brutal yeah yeah yeah I know it's just purely a numbers game because i'm like

oh yeah i'll have like two burgers but you know you can't invite a burger truck to travel from west meadows where the bloke clearly lives like the new announcement the new announcement was yesterday new location i'm like great it's like it's next door it's okay yeah yeah it's like literally he will he's slowly working his way slowly working his way closer to the city. It is a hundred metres closer to the city. There you go. He's getting there. He's getting there incrementally.

Yeah. But this is what you do. I don't think he's got his licence. I think he's pushing the fucking truck. Right. This is what you do. You hit him up. You go, big fan.

I live on the other side of the city. You make him these announcements. I'm always looking for there to be one closer. What I'm prepared to do, my child's birthday coming up would you do would you cater a private function what would you need also i've been talking about you on the podcast a bit yeah not naming you know we'll turn it into a thing we'll talk about it so with that in mind maybe a bit of publicity right and also like just happy to pay what's the minimum that you need because it's not going to be a huge thing i'm not putting on like a massive like huge thing in my

apartment yeah but what's like the minimum commitment you would need to consider doing a private function yeah uh at my house i can be i can be a couple of k you never know if he's you know if he's you know it's a small enough you just you never know they're 10 buck burgers yeah i mean i was there they weren't they weren't you know, if he's, you know, it's a small enough, you just, you never know. They're 10 buck burgers. Yeah. I mean, I was there, they weren't, they weren't, you know, they weren't lonely out there. There was always people buying them. He's busy. Yeah. And I started to like, it gave me a little glimpse into the world of fucking, you know,

you know, like there's always people that are really into something, obviously. There were clearly people, the way they were talking, I was coming into some, you know, fuck it off the street, just some absolute open mic burger amateur just coming and going how do i uh do you have chips here yeah how does this work and they're like no chips fucking no chips no chips wow yeah interesting just the burgers they're not fucking around with anything else wow so and then I'm doing that. Everyone else is coming in going, oh, Wobbsy's back. Oh, yeah, how was the birthday last week?

And how is this going on? There's freaks, the regulars. They're just coming in every time. What are that like? The burger cook is just having this relationship with fucking everyone. He knew what was going on. Heaps of people, they're thinking that, like, the guy making the burger is like one of their friends yeah he's eaten there yeah yeah and then like spitting some of it out going this one shit this is how i show i love you

yep yep i honestly though i reckon touch base with the guy because you never know even just the lure of going like hey it's gonna there'll be like comedians there maybe you know maybe he's maybe he's got a bit of star fucker in him. Maybe, you know. Oh, yeah. You just sort of, you know, you just go, look, I'm not going to say Hugh's going to be there, but there's a possibility, which is true. He might be there, but, you know.

What if I say to him, he's the deal breaker. Will there be chips? But why? You're wanting him. You're feeling like he's not going to do it Yeah So like But what are you saying

You've got I say to him Love your work Come over and do this But there's got to be Surely you do chips Like I mean

I'm kind of thinking maybe No you say to him You come and do the burgers And I'll tell you what I'll meet you halfway I'll do the chips Oh You're on the barbecue

you're doing the sliced potato you guys are doing a sweet collab i like this yeah there you go i'm because the park you're grilling the onions to chuck in the burger as well no no no i don't want to do that okay i don't know this guy grills a good onion oh he does i thought maybe if he didn't have onions no that could be your contribution then you have the chandler burger just i don't want to fuck with the chef okay i don't want to fuck with number one chef so he does all that stuff i'll just do that if he doesn't want to maybe the chips are beneath him you know maybe he's like chips are so easy though it's just a it's such a weird thing to draw the line out and go i can't be fuck doing this well my you know i i kind of think it's like a chef that's like

you know the the steaks have got to be done like this, this and this and this. Yeah. I don't touch. Potatoes are for fucking amateurs. Fried potatoes, yeah. To be fair, though, I have always thought anything deep fried in a food van, I've always thought this is just really rolling the dice. Yes. Something about it makes me really uneasy knowing that that's happening in a car, essentially. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, I agree. Hot oil in a vehicle just seems odd absolutely yeah i agree all right maybe i'll touch base maybe i'll maybe i'll you're doing the sides extended olive branch you know because i i kind of thought i was quite good at chips and then the last two goes i had i really fucked them so now i'm a little bit you don't know i'm a bit underconfident okay i might have to have a couple practices yeah but Yeah. But if I get it right, like, fuck. I really was, for a long, for a short while, I thought I was really nailing the barbecue, but it's really dented my confidence over Christmas.

Oh, really? Really blew the chips. Right. Really blew them. Okay. Interesting. What do you think that's down to? I just left them on too long.

Okay. Just let, had a couple of beers, let my attention wander and then that was the end of it. You got to be, you got to be on it. Especially if you're cutting them thinly. So what do you do? When you say chips,

you're talking about like, you're slicing up a potato and grilling it on the thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, all right. Give me some homework. All right, good. All right, let's crack into some business.

Thank you to everyone who's been subscribing to patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. You get all the bonus episodes, heaps of them per week and per month. Yep, two a week, Mondays and Fridays, to fill in the gaps in your little listening schedule. That is if you're $10 a month. If you're $5 a month, you get a little bit less than that. You get a couple of episodes a month. We've been doing some rippers lately. If you like this show, then you will love that show.

Yep. So get into it. And of course, as we've said, those guys got their heads up about the live tickets first. They've basically sold it. There's at least one show, nearly two, that are completely Patreon subscriber only. Yes. Yeah. I believe there's two that are Patreon only, right? I said nearly two that are completely patreon subscriber only yes yeah yeah they sold i believe there's two that are patreon only right i said i think it's nearly two i think sort of two were

sold out before we put them to the public no i think there's like three tickets left or something so there's three little grubs that freeloading grubs we'll find them out we'll find them out we'll find them i'll kick them out and make their seats foot rests for the patreons great yeah great idea um stack them on top of each other um so some people got some nice views at the back exactly or at the front and block some blocking yeah yeah exactly yep um so thank you very much to all those people you get all that sort of stuff you get all the inside knowledge you get all that all that business we treat you like royalty you know i keep meaning to say maybe if patreon subscribers should we you know we hate getting criticism about any form of the show because who who wants criticism no one no especially from the sort of dross that fucking listen to us for free yeah but if you're a patron subscriber i keep

thinking maybe we should make that a rule you get one complaint we've said that before have we yeah we've put that out there we should make that also rule. You get one complaint. We've said that before. Have we? Yeah, we've put that out there. We should make it. And also it says a lot about, I think that, because, yeah, I mean that's a fair kind of thing to put out there, but also the mentality of someone that likes this enough to support it financially doesn't really have it in them to go, yeah, yeah, here's what I think is fucking wrong with the show.

Right. Maybe we should make it official though in that you get one complaint and we have to formally address the complaint. Okay, we can make a post. We can make a post on the Patreon page that everyone will get an email notification about. Right.

And then you can log in and like comment from there on that post and we'll read them all out. Right. Well, maybe we should just leave it up to them whether they want to complain or not because if we just get inundated with a thousand complaints first day maybe we might kill ourselves you message us on patreon if you really want right because then that that's an easy way of us verifying that you actually are a patreon subscriber if it's to the if it's to the page

yeah if it's to the socials then we've got to like cross-reference your name and whatever log into your patreon and messages through there and then we'll we'll have to log the complaints because people get one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's it. That's it. Okay. Getting a heap of complaints from, you know, like the little default icon on Patreon?

Right. On Twitter, it's like an egg. Right. On Patreon, it's a little fox. Right. Getting a lot of complaints from little foxes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why do you need a picture of yourself for Patreon anyway?

It's a weird thing to get on and go, here I am. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Check me out. Well, I mean, it makes them. It's like, hey, I'm giving you money. I want you to see the face. Yeah, right. It's feeding you everywhere.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, that makes sense. All right. So let's, and of course, part of that is we read out your name, hopefully. Yep. As much as we can. We try and pack as many names in every week as we can. We do everything as fair as we can. We try and pack as many names in every week as we can. We do everything as fair as we can.

We pack all the names into the unplanned title alternator, a magnificent piece of machinery that survived COVID. It actually got COVID at one stage. Oh, did it? Yeah, it had to self-isolate for a week, but it's all good now as much as I can tell. Yep. It's all good.

We'll see. I ran the Nortons through it and they actually got rid of the COVID. Oh, great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's all good. So maybe if someone can just make a human version of Nortons. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We should be all good.

Right. All right. Let's crack in. First cab off the rank this week. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Dean Peldes. Dean Peldes. Is it Peldes or Peldes? P-E-L-D-Y-S.

What do you reckon? Peldes? Peldes, maybe. Maybe it's Peldes. Peldes. Peldes is funnier. Peldes kind of sounds like the off-brand supermarket in a small town. Yes.

Peldes. Yeah, that's why I like it. Head down to Pelties to get a cornflakes. Yeah. Yeah. No, is it? I like a surname that's plural by default. So if you were talking about this family, you'd go,

going around the Peltieses. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I like that. Or, yeah, if that's your hamburger joint in your small, in Colac. Yeah. Oh, do you want to go down to Peltieses and hamburger joint, you know, in your small, in Colac. Yeah. Oh, do you want to go down to Peldy's and get a, you know, I don't want to chase. I don't want to drive all the fucking to West Meadows to get my burger. Let's just go down the street to Peldy's.

Yeah. And get a Big Dean. Yeah. Yeah. A Big Dean. A Dean burger. Yeah. Yeah.

Fill it a Dean. Yeah. That'd be good. Man, imagine that. If you had a business called Dassilo's, I did, because like I did think for a brief moment, you know, I've got my little comedy room. So I've got, you know, Basement Comedy Club. I've got Comedy at Spleen. I did for a brief moment think if I was going to have like a generic comedy

club, maybe if I unified them all or whatever, instead of, you know, quite plain, you know, I've got Thursday comedy club that's not happening at the moment, quite plain sort of stuff. And a lot of the time named after the bar that they were in. I was thinking, fuck, and I moved a couple of times to bars and you had to keep changing the name. So the Thursday comedy club thing is only – it's relatively recent that you've started giving them these names to protect yourself against the bar like being sold or going under or whatever it is and then you having to like change all the branding and the Twitter handle

and stuff like that. So you're kind of future-proofing it. Yes, yes, yes. Instead of it being like – Yeah. I'm looking forward to Basement Comedy Club being evicted and having to do it on the top of a skyscraper and still calling it Basement Comedy Club. Yeah.

The brand of basement is just so strong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So despite numerous stories about people leaping from their deaths from Basement Comedy Club. Yeah, yeah. Got vertigo at the Basement Comedy Club last night. So I did for a very brief moment think, what if I could get my name

in there somewhere? Chandler's. The Chandler's Comedy Club or something. Yep. It is funny because in the States, what is there? There's Dangerfields, comedy club named after Rodney Dangerfield. Then there's the John Lovett's Comedy Club. He started a club named

after himself. I'm sure there's more examples. Yes, there's the one in Vegas that is named after... Is it Garrett's? Garrett's Comedy Club? Brad Garrett? Oh, yes, yes, yes. The big bloke from Everybody Loves Raymond? I think it's literally the Brad Garrett Comedy Club.

Right, right, right. Similar to Lovitz. Just not even... I mean, yeah, Dangerfield is cool because if you didn't know Rodney Dangerfield, it's just like that's kind of like a cool name for a club

yeah Lovitz's Garrett's like they all kind of I mean everything the name of everything ever is stupid

but like the idea that it's just such an American thing like can you imagine like one of our let's say like a friend of the show

who's in you know a few years ago gets this breakfast radio job and he's flushed with cash the show who's in a few years ago gets this breakfast radio job and he's flushed with cash and then he's just like, that's it. I'm starting up Thornton's Comedy Club. Right, right, right. You know what I mean?

The idea of anyone doing that here is just non-existent. It wouldn't even occur to you. Just imagine the pile-on of one of our friends going. Absolutely. Yeah, and a little cartoon of me on the sign. Yes, yes. Oof. I'd love to Absolutely. Yeah, and a little cartoon of me on the sign. Yes, yes. Oof. Yes.

I'd love to see. Well, that's it. I did think of it and I was thinking, this isn't like me going, I should be the face of this or anything like this. Just genuinely like, this would be funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This would be funny. We did used to joke a lot about the first place that you ran your room at, which is

now deceased, belly oh yeah because it was just such a good space and then we started you were doing at one point you were doing a couple of nights a week of shows there and then we did a couple of pods there yeah and it was just like this sort of perfect like back room yeah space little setup yeah and it was like i think you maybe you maybe you got the word that the bar was on kind of like, you know, tenuous footing financially. And there was a point where we were talking about the idea of you buying it and turning it into, the idea for the name I remember was the Carl Chandler Memorial Comedy Club. Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah.

It's named after you. And all of it, there's all this stuff in the room that's done as if you've passed away. There's like a plaque on the wall and like photos of you performing and stuff and people coming in not knowing and going like oh wow how sad that he passed away so young and but cool that they've set this up in his memory and then me going to the door and you're taking the money and then them just being shocked and walking in and then saying to someone else wasn't that that the guy? And then someone else going, you know what they say, he can still be seen haunting this place. Exactly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that would have been great. I mean, that's the apex of that idea, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. So that's what I was going to say. What would you – imagine Daslis. I mean, maybe not as proud because, you know, that's not actually your name.

Yeah. But what would you – Well, it's sort of less arrogant because it's like everything I'm saying about... In Australia, we just have a different culture and you couldn't get away with that. Right. People going, what a wanker. You've set up this comedy club and named it after yourself. It's like, not my actual name.

So, no big deal, honestly. Yeah. Yeah. My fake family are very offended by that. Yeah. That was why I came up with that name because I thought this would be a great name for a comedy club. Right. So to establish the brand, I'll call myself that for a bit.

But also- And then I'll jettison the name and call a comedy club that. For newer listeners, your real name is Tom Alsop. Yeah. So Tommy Dasolo. But if you- Dasolo's is a lot cooler than Alsop's. 100%. It's a lot easier to sort of-

It looks more- Dasolo's in like a neon sign, like kind of script writing. For sure. Oh, baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what could that be on the side of, do you think? Where do you picture that on the side of? There's no way in hell it could be a comedy club.

No, we've already done – Oh, Chandler's already exists. We've already riffed on that one, so I'll claim that one. Do you mean what kind of business would I want my name attached to? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what attached to? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what would suit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hmm, good question.

I mean, look, you hit the comedy lottery and you're out. You go, I've done everything I can. You've done your sixth Netflix special. It's time to consolidate. Time to look to the future. You know, comedy is a young man's game. Let's get that cash under from the from out under the mattress yeah let's put this into something else yep um hmm i mean maybe like

a burger joint a um yeah some kind of i mean a restaurant or something is the obvious one a restaurant bar maybe yeah but i mean that's kind of an italian restaurant yeah yeah yeah italian restaurant's pretty good be good if it wasn't italian be good if it was chinese desolos yeah i like that desolos sweet and sour i like that you know what i'm a you know what i love at the moment is like a good um a good like uh the name of like a good suburban chinese or asian restaurant in general you know they always just – I saw one the other day that was called Asian Chopsticks. It's like – this is a tautology. Like, you don't need –

Great. I mean, that would be a good name. So I call the place Dasolo's Italian Chopsticks. Right. And people are turning up going, honestly, I don't know what kind of food I'm going to get when I walk through this door, but I'm excited to find out. That's not – I mean, you know, I'm sure that's been done before maybe, but I can't think of it being done, but you know, pasta with chopsticks, not the worst idea.

I had a, I had a dish the other day at this kind of Japanese cafe that's like kind of fusion-y, talking about driving long distances to get, to get food. I didn't go too far. It was in Camberwell, so it was a bit of a drive from here, just a place I followed on Instagram for a bit. And I had an udon bolognese. So it was like thick udon noodles. I don't mind that. Kind of like, yeah, bolognese sauce

with some sort of like Japanese-y kind of ingredients in it. So it's good fusion. And I was eating it with a fork, but I was like, yeah, you can eat this with the chopsticks. Have you had lunch? Yes. Right. It's probably a bit late now. I was like, yeah, you can eat this with the chopsticks. Have you had lunch? Yes. Right.

It's probably a bit late now. I was just thinking, I saw, do you know the bar in Camberwell that was like completely, absolutely, there was no branding, there was no actual sign that it was a bar at all. There was neither train station in Camberwell. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No sign of it at all. And then you just had to know.

I find that so funny. Okay, you can do that in the city. Not the suburbs, can you? Can you just had to know I find that so funny like okay you can do that in the city not the suburbs can you? Can you just have an absolutely unnamed place? But if I mean I guess

if it's high residential you just go yeah we only really need locals coming through maybe I think it's been renovated

it's now like it's like a dive bar oh okay yeah and it's like sells burgers and stuff I keep meaning to go there I think the ideal for me

at Dasolo's would be karaoke bar. Oh, see, there we go. I like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what's your twist on the karaoke bar? Because I was just thinking, you know, my comedy club, you know, exclusively, you know, instead of having the starters, the spring rolls coming out and the chicken parmas, it's Thai.

It's all Thai. Yeah. Yeah. The only songs available available i had a great green curry at the carl chandler memorial comedy club my twist is it's uh it's only songs that i like oh it's like a lot of jamiroquai like it a lot of and like you've got to sign off personally on every song and i'm and like there's you know stuff that you appear in every video yeah yes i appear in every video and a lot yes. I appear in every video.

And a lot of them are karaoke versions of songs that I've commissioned because it's like, why would there's no existing karaoke version of this? So the entire discography... Oh, I thought you meant you wrote some of these songs as well. You can write some songs about yourself. Songs about myself. Maybe there's a bit of a mix of like... Okay, so it's only songs that I already like

and they've all been rewritten to be parody songs that are about me oh and so they're all songs that don't you know it's like

every so the entire catalogue of TV on the radio are in there right and they're all parodies of me right now I don't think

there'd be a single TV on the radio song on any karaoke machine anywhere in the world right but I've got them all. Yeah. But not quite.

Right. You're singing the melody, but you're singing about me when you're doing it. Now, you're in there. You're the host in there. Oh, I'm in there every night. Yeah, yeah. I'm setting up every room. So, I reckon you do a guest appearance.

They hire for an hour. You come in. Sorry. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Yeah. It's Daslo time. Yeah. You come in.

Kick someone off the mic. Yeah. You do a tune. Thanks, everyone. You've been great. Move to the next room. Sorry. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. It's Daslo time. Yep. You come in. Kick someone off the mic. Yep. You do a tune. Thanks, everyone. You've been great. Move to the next room. Yep. Exactly.

Yep. Great. Well, look out for that in 2025. Right, right. Time to start saving. Great. Okay. Thanks, Dean.

Thanks, Dean. Fucking hell. Yeah. Okay. That was a long one. How are we going for time? Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Emma Porter. Ooh, Porterhouse.

Oh, Porter's house. Porter's house. We got this money from. That's pretty good. Porter's house. You wouldn't mind that. Yeah. Welcome to the Porterhouse.

Yeah. Is that where you go? Someone trying to pick her up. How about we go back to? The Porterhouse. Emma Porter's house. You'll be well done I'll get my meat out

Yuck What the concept of having a steak well done Yeah yeah sure Yeah yeah yeah Emma I've come around to the name Emma Oh really you weren't a fan I wasn't as a young child.

There was a – I got it drummed into my head that there was a girl called Emma that was no good. You know what else – An unpopular girl and to me that stuck in my head is Emma. You know those sort of things where like if you know kind of a bloke and it's like, all right, well, that name is done for me. Yeah. You know, those sort of things. Like if you know kind of a bloke and it's like, all right, well, that name's done for me. Yeah. I was actually thinking about this the other day and it kind of made having kids like very early in life,

I've kind of, I've never really understood it because it's like you just, I don't know, my personal thing has always been like. You love condoms. Yes. You miss out on a lot, right? You kind of but it makes sense when you love anal yeah it makes sense when you think about it in the context

of the longer you leave it to have a child the more people you are going to have met that you don't like that have then ruined their name for you right you could so if you have a kid when you're like 18 basically who have you met that you don't like with given names? Just people at school. You know what I mean? If you wait later in life, it's like, fuck, there's a lot of names in the baby naming book that are just crossed out.

This person wronged me. This person I've met who's a cunt. So I kind of understand a lot. If that was deliberate, if it was like, I need to get in and have a kid early before I have too many good names ruined for me by my dealings in life. Yeah. But I have come around to it.

I'm back on team Emma. Is it because of you met like a specific good Emma or just enough time away from the original bad one to just be like, it doesn't matter? Well, not even saying bad one. I think I've just learned my lesson. I just, you know, I've come to grips with the fact that maybe I was swayed by the wrong crowd back then and, you know, I was swayed by the wrong crowd back then and I was five years old and maybe the ideas I had when I was five

are not solid ideas. Right. That's interesting. Maybe I should make up my own mind from grade one Carl. Yeah, that's interesting. I still stand by everything I thought when I was five years old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You still love milk just as much?

Yep. Yep. Fuck, I haven't drunk a milk. Still not completely on top of the four times table? Nah, I haven't drunk a milk in a very long time. Really? Yeah. Love a milk.

I remember, did you, I think I've told this on the show before, but did you ever do the thing in primary school where, just a classic, like you come back from the weekend and one of the first things you do in like prep or grade one is like on the monday write a little thing about what you did on the weekend right we had to do that once and i remember it had been a weekend where the simpsons is sort of you know still pretty new that initial like big boom of like how calls the simpsons and like i think it was like tip top or something we're doing a promotion where they had like Simpsons characters all over the thing

and all over the package and you could like cut out a coupon and send it in to win a Simpsons prize or whatever. And so I'd seen it on the TV and I was like really wanted this loaf of bread with Simpsons stuff on it. Yeah, yeah. So we make a trip to the milk bar to get this loaf of bread. Yeah. It's just got a picture of the Simpsons on it.

Just got a picture. Yeah. But you're that age where it's like that's everything. Yeah. So then Monday morning and at school, my big thing for the weekend is on the weekend, we got some bread, which just makes me sound like this fucking abused child who's locked under the stairs. Like just the big treat for the weekend was-

Dickensian creation. You're allowed bread this weekend, you little fuck. And just imagine the shit that teachers must see and have to wade through and go what's actually because it'd be that it'd just be like minute sort of borderline depressing things or it would be kids just absolutely making bullshit up well teacher looking at it going fucking i thought you i thought you're gonna go with so you get this packet of bread with the simpsons on the front of it and it's like fuck you i've got it and then you make a sandwich and you bring this sandwich to school and you're

walking around eating it in front of people going what's that yeah yeah yeah simpsons bread you know whatever oh it was a bit more like you know yeah when you're a kid advertising just works so brilliantly on you yeah and then you get it and you're holding it in your hand and you're like oh yeah nothing's changed. This is just a fucking food. Yeah, yeah. It's a bit like, this is weird because I was pretty sure if I got this thing, this fixed everything.

And now I've got it and this is a bit of the emperor's new bread here. I got this fucking bread and this is not that good. I thought the Simpsons were going to come to life off the packet and start skateboarding around in the car like they are thought the characters on the, I thought the Simpsons were going to come to life off the packet and start skateboarding around in the car like they are on the ad on the TV. This,

I thought this sandwich was going to tell me to eat my shorts and it fucking hasn't done it once. Yeah. Yeah. Depressing stuff. Yeah.

Bread, hey? I, oh fuck, what did you say before that reminded me of something? Kids bullshitting in their things at school. Yeah. No, I can't remember.

It's gone. It's fucking gone. Thanks, Emma. Thanks, Emma. I just bought a porterhouse today, actually, in the supermarket. Oh, nice. Got that on deck for dinner tonight? Maybe not.

Maybe it's lunch tomorrow. Okay. Might be lunch. I'm more of a steak for lunch boy. Not a big heavy dinner person. barely any dinner actually if you must um but emma i'm on board um thank you very much to patreon subscriber brent carney wow here we go yeah brent one of our favorites. And some cunt that empties the ping pong balls out of a clown's mouth. Exactly.

Some guy who's sitting there monitoring the intensity level, the little knob on the roller coaster, making sure Mr Bean doesn't come along. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And crank it up to maximum. Some cunt like the bloke from 20 years ago, whenever it was, when I went on the

some fucking gravitron type thing yep and then all the money coming out of my pocket and i went can i just get my money back and they go no and i'm like ah this is your version of tips isn't it yep yep just just me going like as if this is the first time it happened oh there's been a mistake guys because i wanted my money, this is a real story. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Oh, and it's gone.

And like I had a heap of money. It's just over there. Yep. Nah. Too bad, kid. Nah. How do we know it's yours? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You could just, you may have never even been on here. Is your face on it? Yeah. Yes, I am the queen. That's my five. Okay. Well, then, your majesty, very sorry. Yeah, yeah.

And please come back to the Queenscliff show. I was down in Apollo Bay a few weeks ago, before Christmas, a couple of weeks before Christmas, and they had the carnival setting up down there. Doesn't that seem wild? Carnivals are back. Just the amount of things that are back post-COVID. I was thinking that today.

I think I drove past the circus. The circus is cut like things where you'd surely think i mean this is done for like two years yeah surely it drove me a bit wild it's like gigs weren't even really back at capacity yet and they're setting up a fucking roller coaster on the beach have you have you fucking worked on your clowns socially distancing in the car i hit up chatfield i remember morning. I hit him up and I haven't heard back yet. Get on it. Make it happen, please. Getting on it.

But yes, I did think that today. I was thinking there wouldn't be anything like that happening but apparently there is. Yeah, it's crazy. But yeah, Brent Carney,

he's out there. He's putting his dick in the exhaust of the Mad Mouse. Right. He's absolutely loving it. Sucking off the bearded lady. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Yeah, I've been driving past a lot of amusement parks. I drove past Luna Park the other day and was just like going down that side street where, because for anyone outside of Melbourne, the Luna Park is a shitty little theme park in St Kilda. Historic. Historic. Historic.

And it's kind of quite close to the street, so you can see like all the scaffolding of the thing. And it's just like- It doesn't look great. Just looking at it going, my God, if i had a young family like i get it like people rap that it had reopened again because it's like awesome school holidays something to do with the kids but you look at it and you go fucking hell yeah how how much longer has this thing got in it yeah it's pretty scary stuff yeah yeah i'm a bit worried my child little blanket loves a bit of

like getting dangled backwards and fucking upside down and shit. Bit of a thrill seeker. I'm like, am I going to have to get on the Mad Mouse with her? Yeah. Yeah, I'm a bit worried. I'm not, you know, look, it's an old idea. It's a well-worn idea, but, you know, you look at the people running those things and

go, oh, this already looks dangerous, let alone that cunt fucking being in charge of this. I mean, that's never really bothered me too much because it's like, I think it's all pretty automated, right? It's like you push a button, off it goes. Still got to maintain it, though. But the structural integrity of it is what bothers me. Yeah, there's someone looking after that bit of machinery at the end of the day. You drive past the scenic railway at Luna Park and it's just all rust.

Yeah. It's just like a hundred... It's all orange. Yeah. It's... Yeah. I'm... Yeah, I...

I reckon I went on it 20 years ago. That's the only time I've ever been on it. Never been to the circus in my life? I've been, yeah. I've been when I was a little kid. Now that they make circuses not cruel, are they any good? I don't know.

Have they cancelled circuses yet? Yeah. Have they? I don't really know. I guess it's just like a lot of... I guess it's like everything has kind of become Cirque du Soleil, right? No animals. Okay. But just like lower quality.

Right. You know. It's like a lot of aerial tricks and clowning and shit like that I think there'd be enough stuff to do without animals okay

alright well I mean when I think of the circus in terms of animals it's really only a lion anyway isn't it is there many other animals

lion elephant yeah I can't really remember you can't have a fucking elephant anymore can you I can't

even Thailand are going fucking maybe ease up on the elephants yeah I'm trying to remember let alone bring one into Richmond yeah I'm trying to remember Let alone bring one into Richmond Yeah I'm trying to remember

If there were any animals When I went as a kid I mean there probably was It would have been early 90s I can't I don't know I feel Like I remember

Circuses coming to Maribor And being like Fuck these poor fucking animals Being dragged to Maribor I mean they're already in chains Now they have to fucking Come to this shit too. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Thanks, Brent Carney. Thanks, Brent. Carney. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Ryan Keith. Ooh. Come up with two unfortunate first names in one name. Keith, the middle name of my father. Oh, yeah.

Very, very average. I don't mind. I actually don't mind Ryan all that much. Yeah, Ryan's okay. Ryan's okay. Ryan's better as a surname, in my opinion. But imagine if... I think this guy's got it the right way around.

Keith Ryan? Look, Keith's not a winner anyway. Keith, I'd rather have it as a surname than a first name. You're right. And I'd rather have Ryan. If my options were Ryan or Keith, I'd rather Ryan. Ryan, Keith, yeah, it's fine. It's fine.

Nothing spectacular. Keith is not a good, a terrible first name, let's be honest. Yes. As a last name, it's fine. It could actually be nearly a great name if you got the right first name what i mean what's the best first name now that's a good question that is a really good question what is the best one um because then we can look look out for it this is i mean this is a big conversation this is a whole episode that is a massive this is a whole episode. That is a massive question. This is a special hour-long deep dive into what is the best name.

Yeah. Yeah. I was... No, I'm not even going to... I'm not even going to start. Certainly not something to do like halfway through, exactly halfway through the Patreon read. Well, okay.

Are we halfway through? Are we? Yeah, we're exactly halfway through. Right. Okay. All right. We're going to do... We usually do double the amount of names we've already done.

We're usually going to do eight, are we? Yeah. Okay, right. Okay. You remember. We've done this for years now. Yeah, I know. I just...

I might have a bit of something to tell you, but... Yeah. We're just running out of a little bit of time. We might be able to do eight. Anyway, we'll keep going. Best first name, Saxa. What? Saxa.

Are you just reading salt from over my shoulder? I am just looking over your shoulder. Right, right, right. At my kitchen pan. Okay, right, right. Is that Lee? Indiana. Indiana.

Indiana Keith. That's certainly not a bad name for salt. I don't know about for people, but... Indiana. That's on my fridge. Oh, yeah? A photo of me on the Indiana Jones ride at Disney World in Tokyo. Crystal Skull. Not a bad name. Yep. yeah. A photo of me on the Indiana Jones ride at Disney World in Tokyo. Crystal Skull.

Not a bad name. Yep. Yep. Where's Crystal Skull? It's the temple of the Crystal Skull. It's the big bottle of vodka that I have. The shrine to Dan Aykroyd you have on top of your fridge. Crunchy.

Yep. Crunchy Keith. Oh, you've had my cat here. Yep. Oh, okay. All right. Crunchy Keith is not a bad name. I've got a fridge made out of your cat. Crunchy Keith. Crunchy Keith is had my cat here. Yeah. Oh, okay. Alright. Crunchy Keith is not a bad name. I got a fridge made out of your cat. Crunchy Keith. Crunchy Keith is actually

a good name. Yep. Crunchy Chandler is a good name. Yep. Crunchy Keith's better though. Crunchy Keith is good. Yeah. But Crunchy anything. Yeah. Crunchy is... I mean, look, that's why we named the cat there, because we bookmarked that name from years ago when we met someone else. We just stole someone else's

cat's name. Yeah. Imagine doing that with a human. People must have done that with a kid. Of course. Yeah. I just ripped off your kid's name. Yeah. Now my kid's called that too. Yeah.

Sucked in. There's nothing you can do about it. Totally. Totally. Not happening with Ryan Keith. No. Well, hopefully not. Hopefully they didn't do that.

Hopefully they didn't have a different surname and then went Keith. Oh, I've never seen that before. What a cool, sexy name. Let's get that attached. Crunchy Keith. Crunchy Keith is good. I like it. It is very good.

This guy, okay, Ryan, you're changing your name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or what if he was, you know what you'd do if you're a guy like this with two kind of quite bland first names as your full name? You'd need to be one of those guys that's got the like, in inverted commas, you know, like the nickname in the middle of the name. Yeah.

So you'd sort of have to do something like Ryan Crunchy Keith. Right. When you write your name down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anytime you're referred to, it's got to be. It's got to be in there. The nickname is like, you know, it's not just something someone calls you.

It's like built into your full name as if it's your middle name. Crunchy Keith. Fuck, I'm really, really into it. You know, maybe that is the best name. Maybe we've solved it already. Crunchy Keith. Crunchy is the best name. It's hard to get better than that.

Yeah, it's really hard to get better than that. It does make me slightly, a tiny bit sad that we did pinch the name Crunchy off another cat. We knew someone who had two cats. Yep. But their two cats were Crunchy and Munchy. make me slightly tiny bit sad that we did pinch the name crunchy off another cat that we we knew someone who had cat two cats yep but their two cats were crunchy and munchy yep now that's great yeah you should have called your kid munchy that's not a bad idea either but yeah we did have a bit we had to have a bit of a debate which what's the best name to take crunchy or munchy for the cat because they've i assume that these people these people got the two cats at the same time, and so it's like a dual name thing.

So it is a bit weird to just have one. It does lose a little bit of appeal. If you don't know that story, it doesn't. Crunchy is just a fun name. Sure, still a good name. But Munchy's, I really had to sit down and think, how much fun am I having saying Crunchy compared to Munchy? I think you picked the

right one i think i did too yeah but now i'm saying munchie i'm feeling like i lost something i mean the follow-up of having the kid and going that's getting the name of the other cat would have been fucking spectacular and just the amount of times that i have to talk about the two of them together to get to to get the payoff of yes oh there's crunchy and munchy yes you know do you have you met crunchy and munchy yeah your cat and your baby yes yes i have yeah yeah yeah and then the kid yeah i met your cat when you held the birthday party and you got a fucking burger van and then the kid getting older and just having to explain yeah well you weren't so much named after the cat but the cat came first and we gave it the name that we liked more and then you came along and you got the backup yeah yeah we we just kind of worked together i mean i know that the cat came first and we gave it the name that we liked more and then you came along and you got the backup name.

Yeah, yeah. We just kind of worked together. I mean, I know that the cat died 20 years ago now, but I still think it kind of works. Wow, your kid's waiting pretty late to ask where'd my name come from. What, like 30 or something? Dad, hey, nice to hear from you. Yeah, I was just thinking today i mean

no one ever brought up in primary school or anything i was just sort of thinking about it today that is a bit of an odd i've never met another yeah another month i just keep thinking the day will come where you just tell me where the name came from but that's just not gonna happen i was at work today and someone just someone just we had a new guy and they were like why is your name munchie and i was like i never really thought about that great question never really thought about that never come up okay well thanks crunchy keith thanks crunch keith um all right well man i'm hungry i gotta go here we go so uh let's make this one the last one yep sure uh the fifth one uh All right. Thank you very much to Patreon. Oh, hang on.

What? Oh, it just reminds me of... I don't know. Just that... I don't think we've had this before, but... You know, look, we've done five this week. Sometimes you can... Like a name will come up and we'll just have something slightly...

It'll remind me of something we've talked about earlier. Yeah. Strange coincidence. Yeah, just coincidence. Yeah, yeah. It just can happen sometimes. Anyway. Well well i at least reminds me of something maybe it doesn't click anything with you but uh thank you very much to patreon subscriber um dirty circus cunt comedy oh right what's this guy doing at the circus specifically do you think i don't i don't know it's just a name

oh okay it just reminds me me of the other cat. There were three cats, actually. I just remember. Right. It was Crunchy, Munchy and Dirty Circus. So that was actually the third cat. That was the third cat name consideration for Crunchy. Ah, right.

That was the cat that was mopping up the elephant's piss. Yes. All right. That was the cat that was mopping up the elephant's piss. Yes. All right. Well, thanks, Dirty Circus Cunt Comedy. Thanks to everyone who supports the show on Patreon. Get on littledumbdumbclub.com. Follow the links to the Patreon. Get two bonus episodes every week for $10 a month.

Jump on those live show tickets in Melbourne if they're not gone already. Thank you very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.