The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 539 - Ed Kavalee & Dave Thornton

Episode Date: January 27, 2021

It's the return of ED KAVALEE and DAVE THORNTON! Dave's been doing a voiceover so we educate him on how voiceovers actually work, Ed's got some critiques for our Hughesy impressions, Karl's been burnt trying to get takeaway in early January and Tommy's had an extremely eventful New Years Eve which may have resulted in him learning a new skill. PLUS in Talking Dum Dum we have some exciting plans for our Melbourne live shows! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Ed Cavalli and Dave Thornton. A few things to announce before we get into the episode. First of all, Adelaide, we are coming back! Oh my god. Two shows within 12 months in Adelaide. Who would have ever predicted? The world opens up a bit and we go straight to Adelaide. Straight back to Adelaide.

Straight back into the arms of our abusive lover. Saturday, March the 6th, 4pm.m. at the Rhino Room. It is limited capacity, so get on it quickly. For Adelaide, that means within the next month or two. Yep, yep, yep. Sometime in 2021, if you can. That would be great. We're looking forward to getting back there.

It should be a great show. Hey, the live show we had there was awesome. Absolutely great. Maybe one of the best live shows of 2020. Having said that, that was one of the major signs of the end of the world

approaching, I think. A full show in Adelaide. That was a full horseman of the apocalypse absolutely galloping towards us. It really was. Us going great in Adelaide.

We tried to spin the world off its axis and we succeeded. So check that out. Also, we have our shows on sale for the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.

We are both doing solo shows. My show is called Tommy Dasolo Meatball, and you are doing? Here's another test. Please call me Carl. Please call me Carl. This is the comedy. He was my father. That's it.

Both of them on sale now. We'll talk to you a little bit more about that in the Talking Dum-Dum segment of the show. But tickets to everything we've just mentioned are at littledumdumclub.com. So pause this. Go buy some tickets. But we will speak to you at the end of the episode enjoy this new one with ed cavill and dave thornton it's a good one hey mates welcome once again into the little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo.

With me, as always, the other half of the program. Here it comes. Carl Chandler. G'day, Dickhead. Joining us today, two great friends of the show. Please welcome back Ed Cavill and Dave Thornton. Yes. G'day.

We've done it, Ed. Good to be here. Getting Ed in Just before he starts His new radio gig With Dave Hughes On the Sydney Airwaves And I wonder what That's going to sound like

G'day Ed So good to be here Well yeah I'm me in this And then I'll be I'll be saying David Dave Hughes

Don't try and drag me Into one So he's got this New technique Where he'll read a story And he'll Oh sorry I was doing into one. So he's got this new technique where he'll read a story. Oh, sorry, I was doing Aaron Molan. I've misread this. That was pretty decent, actually.

Yeah, good to be here. Now, so I've been through Dasolo's video game collection. We've had our requisite chat about that. Welcome to the masturbatorium, which is the nickname. The division, though, that happened between us when you started talking about it and Carl and I just fell into the...

Oh. We went to flush your head down the toilet for one second until we realised you're eight foot. This is like when Tony Martin used to come around to Carl's house and roast his wife's DVD collection. No, the ones that were unopened.

You're coming to my house and going, yeah, some bullshit games on the Super Nintendo Mini, aren't there? But I was impressed that you had it. But what are you, is that a 5? No. That is a PlayStation 5, yeah. That's the first one I've seen in real life.

Podcasting's going all right. What? It's pretty big, hey. It's massive. You can afford one, Ed, can't you? Yeah. You're doing okay. God, yeah.

I could buy us all one. Get a JB. It's a JB. Get Hugh're doing okay. God, yeah. I could buy us all one. Get a JB. It's a JB. Get Hughie into it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Don't mind this grass bandicoot.

Don't mind it. Parappa the rapper. It's a good, the thing that people get the miss with Day when they do the impersonation, because I hear him a lot. Yeah.

The thing that, and you're a good thorn, you're the best of them is the underneath the underneath the voice it's the it's the it's the it's the it's like the thermal water underneath right so the thermal water underneath the hughes hot springs yeah exactly the hughes hot springs the things that's pushing that that's pushing the observation so that one about Crash Bandicoot, he would be more, he'd be pushing that, he'd be thinking more, I don't know anything about video games, but I want to get involved. Right. Yeah, yeah, how come I'm not in it?

Yeah, and then it would either come out as way too complimentary or way too aggressive. So he'll paint himself into corners where I'll go, geez, Jack Vigin's doing well on the celebrity jungle. He is, mate. He's killing it. He's a super. And then he's halfway through the word superstar

when he realises he doesn't know who he is. Superstar. Looking around the room to see the reaction. Yeah, committing to someone. Someone. Someone give me something. Right, right. Okay. That's Someone give me something. Right, right. Okay.

That's good to know because, yeah, it's easy to just think that, like, get a grip on the voice and feel like you've done it. You've nailed the impression. Yeah, I like this. We all need to try harder with our cues. But yours is the best. Yours is the original. Thorn's is the best, yes.

I can still never figure out if he enjoys it. He likes it. No, no, he likes it. Or anywhere in between. No, no, he likes it. Because never figure out if he enjoys it. He likes it. No, no, he likes it. Or anywhere in between. No, no, he likes it because you've got to think about it. As he said to me once, I'm being mentioned in rooms

I'm not even in. It's his joke. That's Dave's joke and it's a very good one. He must love this podcast then. All of a sudden in the last like eight months, we're just talking about him

constantly on here. When was the last time he was on? He'd love to come on. Four weeks ago. Oh, yeah, he loves it. Every time I'm on here. When was the last time he was on? He loved to come on. Four weeks ago? He loves it. Every time I'm on here, to be honest, he gets a good run. We're a bit obsessed at the moment. He's intriguing.

I spend a lot of time with him. He's an intriguing character. I kind of agree with him more. He's great. He's always been fascinating. And in the last nine months, it's really gone into the stress. Yeah. And look, obviously obviously i love him i

love work and i love to sort of get to hang out with him because he does he is that thing where he is singularly focused on whatever it is in that moment and then to the next one he doesn't float between things right so whatever it is so if it's that if it's that oven if there's something that's taken his fancy with that oven until that is dealt with nothing else is going to take place okay and that's why he gets that's how people say to me all the time like he's very successful he's this or that how does he sort of stay you know funny and not that kind of aloof yeah exactly and all that and then that's why because he still can be annoying little things or yeah he can stay annoyed but not he can stay focused but he hasn't

he's still hungry yeah and he likes knowing about other people that's something that I've noticed like that packet of snakes alive

he opened that up and he went through all the snakes just to check every single one of them was dead before he wrote the joke down yeah

anyway well I was look this will probably come up on your radio show when it starts up. Because I feel like he's keeping his powder very dry on this one. But we did a gig together.

He came and did a gig I run. And someone with the corona came through the gig. And it was me and him and Arj Barker. Oh, my goodness. And so he's kept very quiet about this. And we were all sort of in isolation, all waiting for the call. We had to go get tested and whatever. And so the whole time, then literally, I've talked about this,

but then the Guardian article or something came up and said, three confirmed new cases. And I was like, fuck, what if this is how we find out? It's me, Hughie and Arj, and I'm like the Richie Valens for their big bopper and Buddy Holly. And it's like three pictures on the front page of the Herald Sun. It's like Husey, Arge, and then question mark. The silhouette.

I love the silhouette. Yeah, yeah, silhouette. File picture. File photo. I love the idea of Husey. Chandler from Friends. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God.

I love the idea of Husey selling the story to the press, like how some people will sell their wedding photos to New Idea. You get the confirmed coronavirus, you've got it, and you sell the screenshot of the text to Harold's son. Name your price, I'm giving you. He hasn't said anything about it. So I'm waiting. So if radio goes back very soon for you,

I'm waiting for him to pull this. I reckon he's saving it for radio. So when he pulls it out, you just wait until, if the story comes out as, yeah, it was just me and Arj at this gig. Oh,

have you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're like, it's just going to be us two, the cops in the whole country. I'm going to get whitewashed. This can be like the mask singer.

You walk in with a hood on. Yeah. Who was the third guy? He's like, oh, I'm really getting pushed here. Yeah. It's the new secret sound. You the third guy? He's like, oh, I'm really getting pushed here. Yeah, it's the new secret sound.

You just have to give clues every week of it. The secret sound is him going, it's me, fuckhead. it's me, Carl Chandler. His full name.

Oh no, but instead of disguising the voice, whoever it is comes in with a Hughsy voice. So I come in and go, who am I, Hughsy? I got the roaner off you

in the basement. Yeah, yeah, got to figure it out through my impression. Yeah, so that, all right, well, wait, that's good. Thank you. I'll be in the basement. Yep, yep. He's got to figure it out through my impression. Yep. All right.

Well, wait, that's good. Thank you. I'll be ready for that. But so, so, so, here we are. Chandler, your life as I've been thinking about you, because travel has stopped, you're a Thailand guy. Yes. Now, have you... In a good way.

Have you... There's no other way. There's no other... I think that's what his police report means now have you checked in on your

favourite haunts have you absolutely okay now this is where it might get slightly so how are they how are they going

the update on Chawang which is the basically the Bourke Street Mall of Koh Samui is absolutely dead sadly the webcams no Christmas windows this year no no no so the webcams webcams yes which is basically the Burke Street Mall of Costa Mui, is absolutely dead. No Christmas windows this year?

No, no, no. So the webcams, webcams, yes. Webcams are still going, but it's just like the Wild West, like the tumbleweeds going down, whatever. So I've had to scout around and find new webcams just to get a little bit of action or whatever. So, yeah, I had a new favourite webcam because they put one in a very nice resort that I've stayed at. Beautiful.

And it was pointed at the pool. And then it went down after about two months and I was like emailing them going, why did you pull the webcam down? And it's like, oh yeah, we didn't really think about it. We had a camera pointed at women in bikinis without their permission. And it turns out that's not cool. I love that you emailed too. Where's the webcam? Is's not cool. I love the you email too. Where's the webcam?

Is it not cool? Or is it really cool for girls? Where's the webcam? That's great. Harry, what's the webcam ecosystem these days? Like, are they still... I remember when they started and it was... I was going out with a girl who went to Hawaii.

Cam girl. Sorry? Sorry, cam girl? No, I wish. No, no, no. And she... I said. Sorry? Sorry, a cam girl? No, I wish. No, no. And she, I said, if you go to this webcam at this time, she was public, sadly, and she went and I waved at her while we were on the phone.

I've done the same thing. And I was like, this is it. Exciting. Future. This is it. This is the best life's ever going to get. But what is the current, Dave, you thought? Actually, you were just in lockdown trying it out.

Just waving at a camera. We could have a relationship. Unfortunately, yes, for months on end. You're right. Sadly, yes. But you're a webcam guy, Thorne? I'm not a webcam guy. Where would you love to see?

If you could... If Dave Thorne could put a webcam and you two, Daslo, in anywhere, in any corner of any room of anywhere in the world, where would you... 24 hours. Where would you play said webcam? Well, I mean, just because it's a hot-button issue, as the turns of phrase we like to use in FM radio,

I mean, Christ, in the White House between the actual Capitol being stormed and them going, all right, fuck it, pull your head in. I love the moment between Trump's that day of him going, everyone go home, you're very special people. And then the next day he was like, yeah, so that wasn't great. Okay. So you want to see some of that? 24-hour turnaround would have been amazing.

What about you, Daslo? Flinders Street Station women's toilets. Yeah, that's, yeah, yeah, it's all right there. But I prefer the sort of understool view. So, you know, you're looking sort of higher up. That's the best joke. Remember in the first Borat, his hobbies? My hobbies?

No. No. Borat's hobbies in the first one? No. Sunbaking. That's when the mankini first comes out. So, that's the first time we see the mankini. Table tennis.

Him playing against that really small dude. Yeah. And making pictures of women toilets. And then stool photographs from over the top of the stall. My hobbies. My hobbies. I talked about this on the show a while ago, but my girlfriend's phone, her camera,

has the click on it still, and I'm always going, turn it the fuck off. And she's like, I can't. It won't let me. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? It won't let you. So I've gone through it, and there's no setting to turn it off. What brand is it?

It's an iPhone. I talked about it on this show. And then someone on Facebook. Is the iPhone filled with lollies? Isn't it something? Have you called it before? It's just Mordiff because you're out in public and she'll see a photo of something that's like huge. It just makes everyone go, who's this 50-year-old taking a photo of this waterfall?

But I talked about it on here and then someone messaged and said, now this might sound dodgy, but I'm not trying to be that way. Did she get this phone from Asia? And I said, yeah, she bought it like off eBay from China. And that is a thing in certain parts of the world. it like off eBay from China. And that is a thing in certain parts of the world. They make it so that you can't turn the clicker off to deter people from taking dodgy photos on trains and stuff.

Well, just make an alarm then. I mean, it's great and like really makes you sad, doesn't it? I know. What are we going to do? What are we going to do here? What noise should we use? The little Japanese pervert, my girlfriend. Wow.

And which noise is it? It's the classic. With the flash, like with the hand. No, no, no, but like just that sound. With the cloak over the head. Yeah, yeah. You mean cha-ching. You mean cha-ching.

Says it's a living. Yeah, that sort of style. And it senses when you're in a toilet block and goes, wah, wah, wah, wah. No. No. No. Stop it. Stop it. I wah, wah, wah. No. No. No. Stop it.

Stop it. I did a voiceover recently. Yeah. For this like, animation set. Get it, girl. Yeah. Big news.

And I had to kill Samuel Johnson for it. Yeah. Still. I got on the inside track. And I mean, I don't want to brag, but it was for this company's like, safety video.

Internal. Internal. Internal. No good. So it was a cartoon thing. We just voiceover. Cool. But then because. Oh, you were a cartoon?

Well, not me personally. I had to play whomever this person was on the cartoon. Yeah, yeah. My voice would be. Yeah, but you were a cartoon character's voice. It was for a construction company, a safety video. They've already drawn the people and they just need someone to sound like a bogan, cha-ching.

But that's what I'm saying. That's what we're asking. You're the voice of a cartoon character. You seem to not know what a cartoon is. We're not asking you to go into Chin Town. Do you know Porky Pig's not a real person? Someone like you had to add the voice to it. I'm just going to have to sit this one out for a while.

No, the way that you implied it, I thought you were almost kind of saying, is the character you? Yeah. No, it's not me. It's just a squiggle that I've gone through. Little Dave. Yeah, exactly.

Right. But the thing was, because- I don't know why it took so long to get to that, but anyway, yeah, that was overly complicated. Regardless, we're here. This is a conversation that should have been had in Warner Brothers in the 1920s, not in 2020. Yes. So he's not actually a rabbit that talks.

No, no, no, no. To be honest, I'm still confused. I'm going to have to text Husey. Who are you again? I'm getting really confused. I'm wrapped to be offered the job, but I really don't want to be spending my days dressing up as a duck and walking around talking like this.

No, no, Mr. Blank, you're not getting it. I'm an actor. I'm an actor. I'm an actor. I'm not having a rabbit shoot me in the face so my bill goes around the other side of my head. I think that's unsafe. Not again. In Mel Blanc's defense, when the time when Bugs Bunny had to be a girl, you're like,

so me being a bunny being his missus. Oh, guys, I'm going to have to probably need about a good 45 minutes to warm up for this one. Yeah. And in like the 40s too, the rumours going around about Blank would have been, you know, he's a little bit... Yeah, have you seen what he does? He's a little bit of rabbit with lipstick.

Bit of a bunny, if you know what I'm saying. Is Bugs Bunny his own girlfriend when he's being that, or his own... Is he kissing the mirror? No, I mean when he's doing it to be alluring. Is he playing his own... Is he drawing for personal use? No, no, I mean when he's doing it to sort of be alluring. Is he playing his own... Is he drawing for personal use? No, no, yeah.

Is Bugs Bunny impersonating his own girlfriend or his own sister? No, he's trying to make... Or just a female rabbit. Yeah, just a female rabbit. He's trying to be attractive to Elmer Fudd. Yes, that's right. He's putting on what he thinks will get Elmer Fudd. Which it does, because it begs the question, what is Elmer Fudd Which it does Because it begs the question

What is Elmer Fudd like? Women or rabbits? Right It's a wild assumption to go out on When I'm a boy he wants to shoot me But if I'm a girl You want to fuck me We are on here

And to be honest It's pretty Oedipal And to be honest If I had to pick a team I'd be like I'd probably want to take the bullet If I've got to be honest If this dally-ounce is going to happen

Between you and me Elmer It's the lesser of two evils. I prefer to take one on the shoulder. I mean a bullet. There's a saying, you can't put lipstick on a pig but you put lipstick on a rabbit and all the fudge dick just goes rock hard. Yeah, absolutely. Maybe that's what Peter could try doing. They're wanting to

save the animals, get into the abattoir, put some lipstick on all the cows. All of a sudden, they're not heading to the slaughterhouse. Too hot. Yeah, I mean, the animals are still being abused just in a different way from now on. Big shout. I mean, you're going to live, but you probably won't want to live.

Just the PTSD of those poor animals. I missed the slaughterhouse. There, I said it. It's a lot easier for those guys. It's fun. But this is the thing. So I'm doing this voiceover, and then one guy was supposed to be there.

He got caught in Brisbane because of this pesky pandemic. So he's in a cupboard, right, trying to make this makeshift recording booth. But the weird thing was they were so adamant they wanted to record our physicalities for the cartoonists. Oh, yuck. And they're always like,

you know, you can act it out. I'm like, no, I'm reading a script. Like, I'm not, this isn't DreamWorks. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. He's playing the donkey.

Someone knows how fucking cartoons work. And then it's turned into circus. This masterclass that we're running here. Yeah. I catch on quick. Yeah, yeah. Thorno puts away his extended arms. I don't quick. Thorne puts away

his extended arms. I don't have to do this to be Inspector Gadget at all. I just remembered I did watch Who Framed Roger Rabbit so it's a blurry area.

I didn't know if it was a reality or not. It's going to take me two hours to get to Toontown with the traffic at the moment. That was Katzenberg's one of his if not his first movie he was in charge in, I believe.

Jeffrey Katzenberg. Oh, really? Is it? I believe so. First or second? And the second one was Thor knows that. Yeah. So they're wanting to, like in the day we'd see a doco about a Disney film and the animators

are there watching Danny DeVito do his lines and just furiously scribbling to catch the facial expressions. Which is the thing about, what's his name, Robin Williams in Aladdin. So unhappy with the pay that he got that they were like, far out because they didn't pay him much and he just improvised the script or whatever. But they sent him a Picasso painting. What?

A real Picasso to say thanks for being the Aladdin. Thanks for being the genie. Jesus. So he's been trashing them all over town. They're paying the dog shit. And he is. And he's dissing them. And he's a reminder of how shit we could draw you.

We've done a good job. This guy can't draw for shit that's worth millions. He should be happy. Oh, this Disney film. They're not paying me properly. All of a sudden, there's a bit of a puzzle. I remember thinking that. That's one of those acting things.

You hear about Daniel Day-Lewis when he played My Left Foot and was in character the whole time how annoying and they just said and when I was younger I was like wow he committed to the role

that's awesome and then now that you're older you're like so he sat in a wheelbarrow acting like he had this cerebral palsy or whatever was wrong with the guy and like the crew had to feed him

I'd be like I would hate that like he'd be like oh you're staying in the wheelbarrow mate yeah that's what's happening and then I think about that

with Robin Williams like oh you impro'd all the lines the cartoon's like are you shitting me yeah it's true I've already got RSI from all these drawings

because I know how cartoons work yeah great on yeah thank you thank you Mr. Barbera married Hannah what happened to Hannah

so you're playing a cartoon character of a construction worker in this ad. So if you'd gone full method, you're just turning up on job sites, like hard hat on. Research, guys. Slab of bricks under your arms, ready to go. And going, MAGA's not that bad. You haven't seen the video. You don't know what it's like, guys.

But this is the weird thing. So that guy's caught in a booth And the Zoom kept cutting out And they're like We've got to keep it Because we've got to see his physicality So I'm like This guy is crammed into a booth Surrounded by pillows and doonas

With that webcam shot Of like his face You know It's like a fisheye lens How long did it take? What do they need from this? This was a four hour session That's brutal

Brutal For an internal company video It's almost? This was a four-hour session. That's brutal. Brutal. For an internal company video. It's almost like there was a pandemic on and I didn't earn any money. And I said yes to anything. Queensland summer too, in a cupboard, just insulated with pillows and doonas and shit.

That's what it was like. And this poor guy, he was actually a really lovely guy, but the poor guy, I was like, let him go. He's done it. He's done enough. Wow. That's exactly it. What about this? So he was actually a really lovely guy but the poor guy I was like let him go he's done it he's done enough wow

that's exactly it what about this so it's as time of recording I think they actually sent him then a shitsmith toilet paper rather than a Picasso

as thanks you'll get this is the thing though an internal video they hang around for ages I was in an internal video for I think a

I think a nursing like a degree in nursing thing that's like played at universities surely you were the patient were you the patient They hang around for ages. I was in an internal video for, I think, a nursing, like a degree in nursing thing that's like played at university. Surely you were the patient. Were you the patient? I was the nurse. I was like 19 at the time and I still get messaged about it from time to time. How did you become involved? It was just a friend.

So, hey, can you come over and do this? And it's still going around? It's still going around, yeah. At the time, 19 years old, great rate. Yeah, how much? Still being used, 15 years old. Yeah, not so good. Not so good.

Not so good. I got taken for a fucking ride. In perpetuity. You were the voice of Snow White of internal videos. You know that woman got like 200 bucks, I think, and then they're like, oh, and this will last forever. The bloke who designed the Rolling Stones logo got $100. $100? Yeah. How did he create it? Did he draw it? and then they're like oh and this will last forever the bloke who designed the Rolling Stones logo got a hundred dollars a hundred yeah

how did he create it did he draw it how did he I don't know he saw a tongue walking down the street and he just got it in a net and then stuck it

on the side of every bit of match that makes sense they're very but isn't it Mick Jagger's notoriously very tight like businessy and yeah

tightest band like they still their bass player has been in the band for 30 something years not a full member doesn't get a spotlight on stage

yeah stands out the back that's that guy isn't it because he's notoriously not great looking and they kind of have him just off the stage notoriously

he's black but you know whatever if that's how you want to put it yeah different ways to describe it is that a balcony sick

one internal video wow now I know why they don't trust you with the external videos actually Jesus Christ well it's a cartoon that's why I'm wearing my white hood you don't need to see me

wow and you're actually going red like Popeye as well so you've been on that two dimensional construction site for too long. There's steam coming out of your ears. Wow.

Like a cartoon. That's cool. Wowzers. Man. But they had to lower their rates. They also were getting so annoyed. Mick Jagger was getting so annoyed that no one was using Rolling Stones music, that they changed it from $50,000, something like $50,000 for three bars,

down to compete. That's why you all of a sudden Started hearing Rolling Stones music and stuff We've only been in Every Scorsese movie ever Three times We need to up this

No but it's very very high No you're right But they're the huesy Of rock and roll Yeah but now You'll no sure hear it more Because Mick Jagger Apparently got really annoyed

That these young rock bands Were getting all this Yes Work And they're like Well mate it's because You crossed ten times Yeah

And now you hear it in there And now you hear it in there And now you And your songs are 50 years old Exactly Yeah yeah Someone needs to hear them So that people know

Who you are Well that's it The highest selling Rock song of all time Since Of all time Digitally So there's two

The highest selling of all time Sadly is Shut up your face Imagine Dragon Imagine Dragon song But it doesn't really count Because it's not really a rock song Right But second is best-selling of all time it sadly is um shut up your face imagine dragons and imagine dragon song but it doesn't really count because it's not really a rock song right but second is don't stop believing the journey song oh yeah but when it came out in 83 it only got to like eight or five or six or eight or eight on the charts i believe but it keeps having these

new lives in pop culture yeah yeah yeah right. Glee. Yeah, right, right, right. And it's the American version. Sopranos. Okay. And it's the American version of You're the Voice. You put it on. Yeah, that's right. And Americans are like, oh, my God, this is the shit.

And they are up and about. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't the thing of UMI when they were trying to crack America. They were going to put them on a Budweiser ad. Oh, whoa. But when you look back on it because that was

that was rock and grunge era when guys were like I'm not selling out man you look back and you go who started this? who started the idea of not selling out when you could have one song

that could pay you in a perpetuity and now you've got rappers that are like oh whatever you want I just want to make money that's the whole point of this song

I'm talking about it right now I want to make money you do that and all of a sudden I see Tim Rogers at the North Melbourne train station jumping the turnstile

so not paying to get in. You don't need to do that. That's what I mean. They just went, no way, we're too cool for this. And it's like, if you could only just go snap edit,

I'm just going to stop you there. This is what you have to do. Did you really see that? No, I didn't see him do that but I saw him there and thought, I reckon you may have done it. You look like you should be doing it.

A bit of Chandler editorialising going on there. He's waiting for his driver and Chandler's like, have a look at old mate here at Spencer Street. I don't think so. That's a great segment. What have you seen 90s Australian rock musicians doing? At train stations. At rock musicians doing? Yeah. At train stations.

At train stations. Yeah. What about this? So it's summer at the moment, time of recording. Now, this is a thing that gets me a bit hot under the collar, a bit red in the face, a la Dave Thornton style. Is this a new segment? This is a new segment.

Yeah, bring in, guys. Carl's hot collar. 69, 69. He's hot under the collar. Oh, you're not, are you, Carl? You're not? Oh,? You're not There we go Sound of a kettle boiling in the background Oh come on Carl

Come on man You can't say that That's not bad actually Before he tells us that 30, 10, 60 If you get hot under the collar With something Go on Carl

Yeah thank you I'm writing this down by the way So summer Now it's the time of year When every restaurant Or every takeaway place Yeah Decides to go on holiday

Yes And not on And a little bit of like You go up to You go up to the store And it says Sorry Clive We're closed for now

Have a great Christmas Have a great new year We're going from December 20 Through till mid-March At some point probably You're like What the fuck is going on Yeah

That fucks me off The wishing all our customers A happy Christmas And a happy new year Fuck off. Mate, I'll try to go to Smiling Time, Black Rock. It was just shut down.

It's one of my favourite places. I get it. I can see the clothes. I took my nan here just before Chrissy. This place is awesome. And I come back to remember it because she said. It's a tribute. There's a place near me. There's a restaurant, a Chinese restaurant, and they've done a handwritten. They still had all of the decorations on the front and the whole bit.

There's still the arch and everything like that. And they had a handwritten sign that said, we have retired. Thank you. It's been there for ages. We have retired. Thank you. Isn't that great? I'm so happy for them.

Imagine the satisfaction in writing that sign. We're done? Yeah. it's been there for ages we have retired thank you isn't that great I'm so happy for them imagine the like the the satisfaction in writing that sign we're done put her up we are done it's so brief

no like emotional thanks for all the many great decades it's just like get your fucking dim sim somewhere else take it elsewhere

if you want me get on the webcam I'm in Thailand somewhere knock yourself out so they go and they take these extended holidays

it's not a week or anything it's like okay I can live with Christmas and a new year but it's always like you know late January

and early Feb and all this sort of stuff it's like oh sorry my bad for wanting fish and chips in the summer I'm sure I'm the only person

that would want something like this it reminds me I used to live very close to the best fish and chip shop in Ballarat. And they were so, yeah. You only bring this up now? Yeah.

What was the competition level? How many were there? Well, in my... Ballarat's... Ballarat's bigger than... No, I know that, but I'm asking a genuine question. How many were they up against?

Like... Yeah, a couple of dozen at least. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's a fair... And it's notoriously close to the coast. Yeah. The freshest fish and chips in Ballarat. It's only been in a truck for four days.

Hey, there's Lake Wendaree. Wendaree, beautiful. Lake Wendaree. Oh, I stand corrected. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Yummy. And they were so... This is a rock.

That's all we can get today. Fried boot. I'll have my tadpole grilled, we can get today. Fried boot. I'll have my tadpole grilled. Fried evidence. Is this a finger? It's probably from the gold rush, mate. Don't do that, man. Shut up.

Just shut up, man. Today we're panning for trout. The family pack this week is a burnt out Honda. Which probably had a family in it. I like that. Yeah, Wendery, not the best suburb of all time either. Oh, shots fired.

So, just teaching you all a bit about... No, I'm into it. I'm into this Ballarat. So, it was the best fish and chip shop in Ballarat. Maybe the best one I've still ever been to. What was its key differentiator? Oh, it was just so fresh. One of those ones where I was still into the battered fish

and the batter was so, like, light. Yeah. Have you moved past battered fish? I'm a grilled man. One of those ones where I was still into the battered fish and the batter was so light. Have you moved past battered fish? I'm a grilled man. Oh, yeah. This physique doesn't just happen. Exactly. This is the difference. Yeah.

This is the difference. Grilled fish is a real attempt, isn't it? You're just having chips and potato cakes, scallops, wherever you're from. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's an order up, and I'm grilling that fish. No, no, no.

I have gone off once before at someone who fried instead of grilling I'm like I grilled and it's like okay here's your four potato cakes

yeah no worries thank you I think every man in his life reaches a turning point where you either give up the booze or you give up

the battered fish it's one or the other one sticks around and you've got to make it's a fork in the road put it this way I'm drunk right now so yeah

that's great I'll have the grill please yeah yeah is it deep fried vodka I'm drunk right now. That's great. I'll have the grill, please. Yeah, yeah. Is it deep fried vodka? I'm going to get my fix. So it was so good that this is, I never talked to them about this, but they were so cocky. They were so cocky that they got so much business there

that they took off Good Friday. I'm like, that is Santa taking off Christmas. Yeah. That is your number one Fucking day of the year Can I Were there any Signifiers In the shop

Of a Like Mildly Devout Adherence To Christianity Because that might That might

Preclude them From being able to Dish it out On said day Right That's true Yeah well Look Did they have Was there any Were they serving That might preclude them from being able to dish it out on said day. That's true. Were they serving Jesus fish? They didn't have holy water in the fridge.

They did. Holy sparkling or fresh? Holy sparkling. Maybe they had the pickles in the holy water. Maybe that was it. Look, he was having an off day. I'll get you one. I'll get you one. Man, that's funny you said that

because my fish and chip shop near me closes on a Sunday and I can only assume for the same reason because I was like, Sunday? I was like, Sunday?

Guys, you could have Monday to arguably Wednesday off. I wouldn't complain. Monday to Tuesday and Wednesday. Monday is the traditional, it's the Lord's Day of rest for fish and chip shops.

It is. Hospitality and fish and chip shops. Yes, yes, absolutely. Wow. So this is very annoying. This is very annoying at the moment where it's depleted all my options of places around my house, of where to go to get takeaway,

cafes, stuff like that. They're out for two months. They're pulled a cafe hamstring or whatever. They're out for fucking ages. So I get very overly mad at it. I'm very frustrated at this and uh i saw it i saw it personified the other day by by someone else now i tend to just you know keep it to myself or whatever i haven't brought up on the show even before but the other day i saw literally in front

of me i saw someone pull up get the sweet park right at the front of my local chicken shop yep pulls up i say it all happens in front of me. I see him get out of the car. He's obviously happy he's got the park right in front. He walks out, walks three steps to the door, sees the sign that I've already had my experience running into and gone, see you in March. Yep. He's walked up to it, seen it and gone, ah, fuck you.

Nice. You fuckheads. Nice. And then gone directly back into the car and taken off. Ah, fuck you. Nice. You fuckheads. Nice. And then gone directly back into the car and taken off. So I've gone, beautiful. I know how you're feeling, buddy. Yep.

That's me. That's me. But for the grace of God, that was me a month ago or so. Then the double, I've seen that. I've gone, I relate to that. That's great. There's two young girls standing out the front of the chicken shop. He's gone, fuck you, you fuckheads.

A girl turned to her friend and gone, what even is a fuckhead? It's not a bad question. It's really not a bad question. That's purely just very, very funny. But then it's like, yeah, it's a deeper question. That's not a bad question. Because I always, for a long time, thought, for most of my life, when someone uses the phrase dickhead,

that they mean this person has a dick coming out of their head, right? But the actual dickhead is an actual thing. It's the end of the dick. It's the head of the dick. So it's more like that's... So maybe fuckhead, that is what that means, is a big dick coming out of the head. Because it's like you fuck with your head. I wouldn't have thought... Yeah, look, I would have thought a dickhead's an easy insult

because if you had a dick coming out of your head, you'd look very silly. So that's clearly an insult. To be a fuckhead, what, the act of fucking? Maybe it's just a bit pussy on your head. Yeah, no, I would think it would go with your head's fucked. Yeah. Don't you reckon?

There you go. It's an abbreviation of... There you go. Your fucked head. Yeah, I like it. I'll go with it. Because you know how... Hang on, I've got a six-year-old girl to go and talk

to, so I've got to give her the answer. Yeah, you do. Hi, you might remember me. Imagine that Carl turns up, knock on the door.

Is your six-year-old daughter here to tell her what the fuck it is? I'm Carl Chandler here, podcast. On so many levels, no.

On Burwood Road the other day, she was asking me something, and I just said, I'll come up with the answer. Like a fucked version of that giraffe puppet that used to go around in the bus and take kids at schools. Harold. He's the classic swear word, kids. He's what a fuckhead means. Happy Harold.

You should have hopped in your car and followed this guy to wherever he went, because I reckon he's got a backup fish and chip place ready to go. If he's that pissed off about it, he could have found a new... That's interesting. He could have found a new favey because that's what you've got to do. You know that summer's coming up.

You typically, if you've lived in an area long enough, you know the places that are taking a while off and then you get to know the ones that are like, we're taking the 25th off, we're taking the first off

and then that's it. Hey, hey, hey. They're heroes, those people. I found a cafe that was open on Boxing Day. And I said, you guys are heroes. Like this is, look at this. Look at this service you're providing.

And they were pumped. Oh, great. Thanks so much. Yeah, we just love to stay open, keep everyone happy. We're like, this is, yeah. They were heroes. I've had the opposite where around me, where I've got cafes and like,

I know the owner, this guy, Vince, who's like, it's funny because he runs an organic place, but he looks like the biggest capitalist you've ever met. He does know that the margins are huge because he can charge that. And it's hilarious like that because I'll be like, same thing. I was like, Vince, you're open on Boxing Day.

Well, after this year, I'm going to make some fucking money. I really thought that was going to be the case this year. There's nothing more incongruous than an organic store and a guy just being militant about making cash. I need to make as much as I can, yeah. That's why I've be the case this year. There's nothing more incongruous than an organic store and a guy just being militant about paying the cash. Don't need to make as much as I can, yeah. That's why I've been boiling over this year especially because it's like, oh, yeah, everyone's got to take their holiday. Cool, I reckon you had fucking eight months earlier in the year.

I think you had your break. I really thought places weren't going to take any time off. You're right. I will say, I'm with you, the closing down is annoying. What's worse is a place that takes a while off and they don't flag this on the socials or update their Google opening. So you're on the Instagram and you're like, there's nothing here to suggest that they wouldn't be open.

It's the 28th of Jan, you head there. Nah, sorry guys, we're not opening until the 3rd of Feb. Why have an account if you're not going to chuck that stuff up there? That is devastating. That is a devastating moment when you get there. That fucking drives me insane. Yeah, fair enough. I've had literally dozens of planned meals ruined by that.

Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. People have changed their hours. But have you taken your Thailand meal planning, do you do it locally as well? Meal planning? Yeah, because I remember last time I spoke to you on this, you were talking about how you structured your day in Thailand around your meals and you would plan them ahead but they were in relation

to the things that you'd already had, et cetera, et cetera. Do you do that locally as well? Well, I've been on the intermittent fasting so I've been like combining a lot

into one little passage of time and so then you're, when you're anticipating going, right, I'm going to have three meals here and then you have none, that's extra fucking angry as well.

Oh, gosh. Yeah. So what are you fasting? What's the... Like, it's actually not... Yeah, it's worse than what people usually do because I... You're supposed to do, what, 16, 8 or... 16 hours.

16, 8 or whatever. I tend to go even more than that. I tend to go about, like, maybe 20 and 4 or something because once I whatever, I tend to go even more than that. I tend to go about like maybe 20 and 4 or something because once I eat, I go – I was hoping you would go 20 and 8 and I'm like, wow, I got this guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one else is doing it. Literally no one else is doing it.

He's eating so much he goes backwards in time. Wow. Because when I do eat, I then – you know that thing where when you eat and you don't feel full yet because your brain hasn't figured it out? The lectin hasn't kicked in. Right. Okay, that's it.

So then I'll eat a full meal and go, well, that didn't work. I don't think that counts because I don't feel a thing. I better have another one. I'll crack another one. No, well, that didn't take. Apparently my body, that's fine. And then I'll have a third one and then it'll go, no, I think that one's working. And then for the next four hours,

I'm just like sort of vaguely physically sick. You've just been able to have people OD. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This drug has done nothing. I must have another meal. Your stomach and your brain are on a Zoom call and there's just lag. It's the pill that hasn't kicked in yet,

so I better have another couple. Totally. I'll tell you what's very good for the waistline. Working in an office with Ed Cavalli. Nothing keeps people on track more. Right. When I used to work on the ill-fated TV burp on Channel 7. Rested.

Rested. Not ill-fated. Rested. Yeah, exactly. Oh, yeah, rested. Yeah, it's coming back. It's coming back. Straight after Holly and Molly.

After Holly and Molly. Don't ever get a go. Are you serious? That's good for you. Mate, you've seen Creed. Rocky still lives. That's true. Well, yeah, we still were waiting to hear that. Sex and the City's coming back. I thought your shows don't ever get a go. Are you serious? It's a good fight. But you've seen Creed. Rocky still lives. No, that's true. Well, yeah, we still were waiting to hear that.

Sex and the City's coming back. Hang on. Hang on. Is that true? That's true. But one of them's not in it. Yes. Samantha, the one that doesn't like Sarah Jessica Parker in real life.

Yes. Righto. So is the case that where are they picking it up from? And are they still them or are they going, oh, we've got daughters as well? Or is it just them now? That's a good we don't know yeah because she's uh they are mid to late 50s which is fine but i'm saying is that still are they all now broken up from the relationships that they ended up in in the films you'd have to yeah because the access was always like what are we doing yeah yeah and what are we where are we heading and it's like without

that yeah i'm like what's left like what are they in the suburbs? What's left? What's left in the show? If it's all organising babysitting and stuff like that. Yeah, that's what I mean. I feel like it's not the show. I reckon there's going to be a little bit of Brady Bunch cousin Alfred or whatever the fuck he is. Right, right, right.

Next generation kind of thing as well. He has some nieces. The youngest kid in the Cosby show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, another cute kid. That was lucky. That little one's 12 and ugly now. We need another five-year-old.

So, yeah. I mean, her Middle East wife was like, I don't know, I got pregnant somehow. I got two words for you for this reboot. Slutty nieces. Yes. I think that's what's going to happen. Teaching them the lay of the land.

Yeah, yeah. That's interesting. Jesus Christ. Well, that's that sorted. Thank you so much i want to know yeah i'm i'm fascinated to watch it just to see how they explain the absence of samantha i hope it's like she fucked herself to death or something like that they'll have to do who did that heroes send off someone did like a really uh oh uh isaac hayes when he went all

scientology oh yeah and south park yes that's what they did to him. They did that. He went crazy and then they used his voice. Yes. Remember they sort of Frankensteined him back into the show with sound bites. Oh. That's funny. So it's always Samantha just in another Rome muffled.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like he was Tupac, you know, the hologram. Exactly. No, like one of those Arnie soundboards. Yes, yes. Where they're prank. Exactly. No, like one of those Arnie soundboards. Yes, yes. Where they're prank calling people. How funny is that? One of the best ones I ever saw was,

I've never really watched Neighbours, but coming full circle, every Friday we used to have fish and chips around at a friend's house, like family friends. I'm talking about when we were young kids. They loved Home and Away Neighbours and things. So every Friday it was like fish and chip night

and then I'd watch that and be like, it would just catch me up. It's funny. But I remember on Neighbours when Paul Robson came back, it was a beautiful piece of writing where he just went, I don't know,

those eight years in Brazil were a waste. And then everyone moved on. That's funny. Yeah, way back in. It's a good joke. That's a joke. They meant that. That was a joke.

That's good. Right, now where were we? 20, 30 years ago too, everyone's like, yeah, Brazil. We can never get stories from there. Who knows what happened? Fair enough. It's too far away. That's great.

Well, I'd like to think that they, because, so, Samantha, the actress, Kim Cattrall, hates the rest of them. That's fine. So, I'd like to think that they'll bring her in in a way that will annoy her the most. I think so. Yes. Right. I reckon killing her off is too easy.

I reckon they just do that thing where she's in the other room the whole time or she's always late. Then bringing her, we're here at brunch, where are you? You're running late? Okay, I guess we'll have to catch up tomorrow. How come you're running late? What's that?

You're sucking off a dog? Oh, okay. Fair enough. Again? It takes a while. Let's rescue one of them. You're getting their hopes up. On the day you're at the shelter,

they're like, this is good, but I need a home. Well, Samantha, I don't want to know how big it was. Classic Samantha. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anyway. Stick in the knife in every episode. Anyway. I read an interview with her last night from a little while ago where she was talking about, because remember a few years ago

there was talk about doing a third movie. And that's when all this started about she doesn't want to do it. She's the no. She's the holdout. She doesn't like the rest of them. And she said, there's a quote where she said, I just think the culture has changed. Doing a show now that's about spending money and buying shoes

and all these meals out just seems a bit crass when people can't afford to put food on the table. Which, sure, but like, you could apply that to literally every piece of entertainment. I mean, we should cancel this if that's the case. That's so true. Iron Man, it's like, you've spent way too much on that soup, bro.

Way too much. Tony Stark, think about it. Yeah, some people can't even afford to put, you know, a roof over their heads. They've got superpowers. They can't afford to make a suit. Can you imagine Bruce Wayne on a budget too? I've just realised I have no superpower but a bottomless pit of money. You guys have just accidentally invented, don't give that away,

you might have $4 billion worth of IP there. The next superhero branch are the people with skills but without the funding to make those skills a reality. Yes. That's a ripper. Just slumming it all the time. Bruce Wayneism and Richism is a fascinating...

It's like I've been on a tear recently. What's the Bourne Identity? Now I'm going through the Bourne series. Go on then. And it's great. And I love it. Go on then. But it just made me love the idea because, you know, he woke up, like I'd hazard a guess

most men would love to just wake up and be like, I know I have all these skills, but why? Yeah, what am I doing with these? Is that the premise? I've never watched it. Yeah, the whole thing is

he's a trained killer, the best of the best. Yeah. Knocks out amnesia. But very showbiz style. How did he get that? Yeah. Well, this area

has to piece it all together. But he's saying it about himself instead of someone else. he's looking at his own superpowers going must be nice and so he spends the whole time he's got like he just it's all knee-jerk reaction someone tries and he's able to stop their punch and goes how does this happen right but i just started laughing at the idea that he got knocked in a different part of his head where he remembers all the gore and has none of the skills. That's funny. Oh, God!

Everything sets him up. I can think of that murderous night! Yeah, yeah. Everything sets him up. What's the best one? As someone who's recently re-watched it, what's the best one? I do like the second one. Okay.

Because also the way that the directors put it together, the leap from the first to the second. Yeah. And I don't know if it's from film or digital. Paul Greengrass? Greengrass. Yeah. And the way that he shoots it's from film or digital. Paul Greengrass? Greengrass.

Yeah. And the way that he shoots it like a documentary style. Yeah, he's great. Which in 2004 was pretty... Yeah, no, he... Greengrass was like, that's what we're doing. Handheld, this is where we're going. And he changed it, you know, changed things up. We want to make audiences spew in the cinema from motion sickness.

To be honest, the cutting. Because I even did an IMDb plunge and they said the average shot is 1.9 seconds. Like, it just moves. He's great. I don't know what that means. So every if you think you're watching a movie just the shot like so if it's cutting between us yeah usually it would hold on you especially when you're doing film yeah for your entire dialogue right cut to the next person yeah but like when you can cut it up especially digitally it's that's what's given all action movies their pace because you can just cut cut cut cut move a wide shot close shot and it just means

it moves like yeah from watching the first one to the second I can't figure out cartoons but I figured this out in real time the internal video

that you did in the cupboard Dave's proficiency with moving images has just grown exponentially over the course of this pod so the train isn't actually going to come out of the screen at me

you're saying oh a Lumiere joke thank you so much I'm, a Lumiere joke. Thank you so much. I'm there. A Lumiere Brothers joke. Train coming at me on the screen. I'm scared.

Train coming at me with lipstick on. I'm pulling my dick out. Fire it up. I'm bending over. Pee-wee Herman style. Fire it up here. Here we go.

This is me. Well, this changes everything. This is me. This is me. Hello, Therese the Tank Engine. For the fun Here we go How's this?

Alright Well yeah speaking of Yeah the summer break And the holidays break And everything We had New Year's Eve recently You guys You guys are all parents

Sounds like you do it You sound like you're Setting up for a roast And we've got New Year's Eve Over here New Year's Eve's here What a cunt He's so bad at golfing.

Five, four, three, two, one, fuck off. What did you do? Oh, yeah. I saw your balls dropped. It's the first time your balls have actually dropped, isn't it? Golfing roast. It's our next live show. It's a little dum-dum club roast of New Year's Eve.

We roast the public holidays. You should do a golf one. Why don't we do a golfers evening? Yeah. That'd be great for the Dum Dum Club. Polo shirts and an actual golf club. So what did you do, Dastardly? I went to a friend's house party. It was friends of mine who bought a house during the year.

They're married. They bought a house. They haven't been able to have anyone over during the year, so they thought, you know, we'll do this. This will be a fun evening, New Year's Eve. Great way to kind of have the house warming. So we go out there, and it's out in the burbs in Melbourne. We head out there.

There's 15 of us. They're being, you know, compliant with the rules, giving us a tour of the house, and they've got this, like, huge spa bath in the corner of the bathroom. Very nice stuff. So some friends of mine are in there kind of fucking around taking photos in the spa empty but like just lying in there you know girls get drunk enough they're like let's get a photo in the spa yeah everyone got their cameras out and stuff someone drops their phone oh as my girlfriend is walking in she accidentally kicks it and it goes under the spot there There's like a tiny, like just a phone-sized crack

that the phone slides right under into. Then this is at like maybe 10.30 at night. Way to upskirt him, though. Like that was really a good job. Going through the train. Smart, that's smart. People haven't thought of that. That's smart.

Yeah, I'm there on my Apple Watch just like triggering the camera. I mean, if it was your girlfriend's one, the whole game's blown. What an alibi. Yeah, yeah. So then like it's the next hour is just trying to get this phone out from underneath the spa. We've got the lights off. We've got a coat hanger that we've pulled apart. Why have you got the lights off?

So that then our other friend can be calling this phone and we can see the light through the crack. That is pretty good isn't it? Right.

So we can get a little bit of a glimpse through the front crack. So I'm there on the ground with like this kind of fishing hook thing. Kind of trying to

pull it out like it's you know like it's on stage and it's gone on too long. Just bring the hook out. Come on stage and it's gone on too long just bring the crook out come on mate it's gone for long enough so like

like Dave Thornton's on stage is what you're saying oh alright mate you go long do ya alright mate put it this way I wouldn't be touching his feet

because you you two might be spending the rest of the day together very sticky feet really sticky is that why it's stand up because that's his stand up term is it

I mean whose fault is it he keeps calling me back for gigs doesn't he you're an enabler you're an enabler I was asking for it he has the least call me once bro

I'm a battered promoter yeah Carl turning up to the gig dressed like that of course he's going to go long how many rooms have you run

I've put lipstick on the stage what are your how many rooms are you running running? I've put lipstick on the stage. How many rooms are you running at the moment? Basement Comedy Club every Friday and Saturday. Comedy at Spleen every Monday. All within a block of each other. And all absolutely virus-free as of a week or two. Is it a fun thing to do, run comedy rooms? Do you get into a rhythm of it and it becomes somewhat easy?

As much as admin is fun. That's what I mean, though. Because some admin You're like God help me But some is like Yeah that's alright Look it's nice In that it's the other side

Of the brain And it's a nice little thing To see a room full and go I helped to do that Yeah yeah yeah That'd be satisfying Every week that would be satisfying Yeah and for people

To do the gig And then go Oh man that was a great gig Instead of like going This is possibly The shittest gig I've ever done Yeah yeah yeah And what are the changes

That you made to a room? Because being a comic and then turning into a promoter, you know, people have that, you know it from that side. What are some tweaks you made to make it more comic friendly? Doing any work at all because like... Doing any work? Because I'm not a stand-up, so I know that all you stand-ups All have horror stories about

I rocked up to this gig And Yeah It was Richard Marsden has my favourite Where he goes I rocked up to do a gig At a community fair

And it was a microphone On a hay bale But they only had one hay bale So I had to stand on the hay bale And balance the microphone stand Right Yes You go that is

That seems like hell on earth Right There's so many of those gigs like that. And so before I started writing... He'll have two, three high bows. Really, really. Three bow minimum. That's the difference, yeah.

That sounds very similar to like when I have a dream about doing stand-up, like a stress dream about it. It's the stage, every dream I've ever had about doing comedy, the stage is a bouncy castle that's kind of like half deflated. So I can't get proper footing.

I can't even stand properly and then the cord to the mic is extremely short so like to where it's plugged into to where I've got it it's completely taut so I can't move at all. I can't stand.

Well, I've actually not the jumping castle but I've had that where I remember I used to do TAFE gigs and this is one where they when student unions weren't compulsory then, you actually had to pay for student unions.

Voluntary student unions. Voluntary student unions. And so they were trying to win them over and they'd be like, we get a stand-up comedy because, you know, stand-up comedy makes people laugh and then they will love us.

And I was in a cafeteria on, like what you just described, where it's like a microphone, a very short lead to the speaker. Like when those guys that used to stand out in front of like Supra. Ladies, ladies. I had a guy and there was a table in front of me

and a guy's literally his back was to me. I remember saying to him, can you turn? I just saw the back of his head. Dickie knee style. And then about two minutes into my set, they just opened up the food like table. So they've given out free lasagna to also get people in, which was on the other side of the room.

So everyone just lined up away from me getting lasagna. I was like, what would Husey say about that? Here's a brief example of changes in whatever you do with a bit of knowledge. Like the other week was a good example where you go, okay, this is a great comedy gig that I've got. I've chosen this place because of these dimensions and it's a small room and it's a low ceiling and everyone's, you know, it's not too big so everyone's scrunched up together.

It makes a really good comedy gig. And then we found out someone had coronavirus that walked through and all of those good things about the comedy room are actually very, very bad things. Wow. We only want audience members over 65. And in the gig everyone holds hands and sings Kumbaya Yeah And comedians really know that you enjoy it if you spit towards the stage

Right, right Was that also, I'm trying to think on the night It wasn't, ironically, was it Arj Barker's Safe Space? No It wasn't No Because that happens on a Monday where Arj tries material out And Safe Space would have been the best name.

No, it was exactly that. It was, yeah. It was exactly that. That's funny. Comedy. Yeah. Very funny. If only I can take this pesky mask off, we're in a safe space.

Yes. Yeah. Exactly. So anyway, I'm on my hands and knees in this bathroom. Hang on, hang on. Is this a new story? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The end.

Yeah, I've got the hook in the hand and yeah so lights off phone being called getting you know getting a bit of a glimpse of the of the light but then realizing that's not telling me that's kind of telling me how like you know how far across the phone is but i've got no idea of the depth right so then i give the hook to someone else then i'm on the other side because it's kind of in the corner. So then I'm on the other side looking in the different end of the crack so I can get the depth of the phone from the light. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So like triangulating the position to my friend who's now got the hook. Oh, my gosh. So this goes for an hour and it just takes over the party. It's like everyone's kind of watching. My friend whose phone it is is really upset because she's thinking, you know, she's quite drunk and she's thinking, I'm never going to get my phone back. I've over the party. It's like everyone's kind of watching. My friend whose phone it is is really upset because she's thinking, you know, she's quite drunk and she's thinking, I'm never going to get my phone back. I've ruined the party.

I also like the idea that someone's kicked the phone under the spa and she just got pissed after it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It hasn't affected her at all. Yeah, yeah, totally, yeah. So, yeah, my friend's really upset. She's thinking, like, I've ruined this party, whatever, da-da-da. So there's this one guy at the party who is my friend's sister's partner the guy who owns the house who

like all the rest of us know each other really well there's just this one guy that we don't know right so he's kind of been keeping to himself a bit obviously feeling a bit overwhelmed because he doesn't know everyone that well trying to make the rounds this has gone on for an hour all of a sudden he comes in and goes what's going on in here and we go fucking this phone's under here we're you know taking him through the whole process of what we've been doing and he goes oh i'm a spa repair man i can pull the spa apart now and just get so he just he just gets in there pulls off the whole front panel yeah he's like there it is it's like what the fuck were you doing out in the backyard this whole time?

Laughing. Just laughing. It's going to be a great time. This is a great, this is exactly what a spar repairman wants. To watch people track. Who's working New Year's Eve? Exactly. Exactly.

No, mate, I'm off. I'm off until February 28th. Sorry. That's great. I'm a spar repairman. How did no one else know that that's what you were doing? Yeah. Where is the sister in all this? That's how little we knew him. That's great. I'm a survivor. How did no one else know that that's what you drove? Yeah, where is the sister in all this?

That's how little we knew him. That's great. And he just came in swinging, fixed it all, bang, bang, bang, thanks for coming. Literally pulls the panel off. Yeah. And then we had the phone. So then this happens like right before the countdown.

So then all of it, you know, it's like something like that happens at a party and then it just shoots it into the stratosphere. Everyone's in a fucking great mood. So. Spa bath though in a house you've just bought. Yeah. You would go, what is this spa bath scene?

Yeah. Like it's all fine and good. Where is it? Where was it in the house? In the bathroom. In the bathroom, yeah. But like how big was it? How many people could sit in it?

Uh, I reckon you could get, oh, not huge, maybe two comfortably, three at a push. If you're in the bird's eye. There will be. There's six for us. Six for us. That reminds me, I was in Thailand once.

There we go. The good old days. Gone. There's one for the books. 54 minutes. You're in the, we're in Koh Samui. Koh Samui. This is in Copenhagen. The Copenhagen You're in the coast of Mui. This is in Copenhagen.

So I was in a very nice place on Salad Beach. What's that? What was it called? It was called... Come on, man. God, because there's about six of them and I've tried all of them out. I can't remember which one this one was. Hotel?

Yeah, hotel. God, I love the name Salad Beach. Yeah. Sounds like a track in Mario Kart. It's awesome. Yeah, right, right, right. What is that beach called? Cheap Cheap Beach. There you go. I thought I'd heard that as Yeah. It sounds like a track in Mario Kart. It's awesome. Yeah, right, right, right. What is that beach called? Cheap, cheap beach.

There you go. I thought I'd heard that as well. Just put the boosters on the cucumber. I was like, Salad Beach? Salad Beach. Yeah, so you're in Salad Beach. I'm in Salad Beach, and they gave me particularly good room. What?

I think they weren't too sort of overbooked, so they gave me the nicest place, which was the highest place. Best view of the whole beach was fucking awesome. It had a spa. I was like, great. So I was there with my wife. Maybe she was a girlfriend at the time. But I'm like, great.

Australian or Thai? Australian. Okay. Australian. That's the Australian one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So why would I get a hotel with a Thai wife? I could just go to her place.

Stay at her house. Yeah. On a staycation. Fucking hell. That's hot. Someone's never married a Thai. What a rookie. What a rookie mistake. Anyway. What an idiot her place. Stay at her house. Yeah. On a staycation. Fucking hell. That's hot. Someone's never married a Thai. What a rookie. What a rookie mistake.

Anyway. What an idiot. Sorry about my friend. What an idiot. Because I'd be out near the webcams. Yeah. Come on, man. That's how you get called out, bro.

Rookie mistake. What are you doing? So there's a spa on the balcony and we're quite high up. Fuck yeah. And I'm like, great. And I may have had one spa before in my life. So I'm like, great. So I do the rookie one spa before in my life. So I'm like, great.

So I do the rookie move of I fill it up a little bit too much. So we both hop in. And that's when I realize that there is a family of four directly beneath us. And so we're in there. And all of a sudden, we just hear screaming of everyone, of all the family, of screaming, going, what are you doing up there? All the water's coming. What are you doing?

And I panic. And this is like, this shows that, like, I've always thought, I've always been scared of, like, doing the wrong thing in traffic because I'm like, what if you think, you're not thinking very clearly and you just forget, like, the brakes come out

and you don't pull the handbrake on. What if I don't? And that just shows me I'm, wouldn't be good in that position because I'm going, oh, I'll fix this. And I start, I get a cup and I'm emptying the water out of the spa, but then just throwing it into the same cracks onto the floor. And they're going, you're just making it worse.

You're just pouring more water. And I'm like, sorry, I'm trying. And then they just, this woman just yells out, pull the plug out. Oh, yeah, right. Sorry. I don't blame you, though, for thinking, well, the water goes down the drain. And, yeah, right. Sorry. I don't blame you, though, for thinking, well, the water goes down the drain. And that's the problem.

Water's going down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would think pulling the plug, though, would make it... Like, if it's dripping through, surely it's a pipe. No, no, no, it's dripping. I wouldn't worry about it. No, no, it's dripping around. It cracks on the balcony, right?

They haven't waterproofed it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just slats of wood. Yeah, slats, yeah. It's a floor. Sorry, yeah, I was thinking, in my mind's eye, it was tiled or whatever. I'm like, yeah, yeah. It's just slats of wood. Yeah, slats, yeah. It's the floor. Sorry, yeah, I was thinking my mind's eye was tiled or whatever. I'm like, oh, yeah, it's tile land. It's just wood and some kind of foam.

No, no, it's tile land, not tile land. That's what you're thinking. Thanks so much. You come to your run rooms. You should be up more. I do comedy. I'm doing comedy. I do comedy.

You should be up more. I'm not just a promoter. Sure you do. Sure you do, mate. Shut up. Good on you. I can't get on stage because you do. Sure you do, mate. Shut up. Good on you. I can't get on stage because you're already on there the whole show. Yeah, even do his material up there too.

Post-it notes are fucking weird. For people at home, he crossed his eyes. Which really hit it home. He did cross his eyes. Just very quickly to go back to one more thing happened at this New Year's Eve party. When we got there My friend was telling me Whose house it is

They'd done the right thing Gone to the neighbours And said hey you know It's not going to be too crazy But we're you know Having a little party next door So you know hopefully We don't keep you up

Or anything like that Does the rounds One of the neighbours Like immediately to their left Goes oh yeah that's fine I'm a professional belly dancer So if you want me to come in and do a show i'm happy to just come around what a bunch of assholes you are getting everyone to work on

fucking news they come over and do that so then i'm saying to my friend like oh man this is amazing so when she coming around and he's like oh my wife doesn't want her to come around like she's not she's vetoed it i'm like what? So then I go on the war path. I'm going up to the wife. I'm like, why isn't she coming around? And she's like, you'll all make fun of her. I don't, you know, you'll all be me. You'll all be laughing.

I'm like, we'll be laughing, but we'll be having a good time. So then I'm devastated, right? Like, oh, what a bummer. Anyway, spa thing happens. Countdown. Bit more drinking. Everyone's having a good time. All of a sudden

1.30am Knock on the door No Belly dancer comes Storming in Full garb Yes With her own boom box

In hand Love that Love that Not trusting the home AV setup Of the neighbours Got this old You can't belly dance

To anything Just this old Uwe boom That would have cost About $15 That's just like The base is just like You know Got this old You can't belly dance to anything Just this old Yui boom That would have cost about Fifteen dollars That's just like The bass is just like

You know Leveling out constantly She chucks it down Does a full set in the living room Wow She's getting it She's got the little So without being asked

Like she's doing Open mic belly dancing At this point I don't know If the husband You know Took matters into his own hand And just went round

And said Actually come round. Or if she's just gone. No, she's gone stuff this. The party's still going. I can hear it. Stuff this. I got skills.

That's great. Who's not happy to see a belly dance? Right, right. Can I ask this? Did she do a tight 10, 15 minutes or did she sort of do a bit of Thornton belly dancing? It was a bit of... Did she have a sticky belly?

Sticky lint. It was sort of more one of my friends. Because she had the two, there's like the kind of like sticks that they have with little flags on them. So she's given them out to people like us watching. We're all sitting cross-legged in the living room watching this. She's doing crowd work. She's getting people up to stand there with her and wave the flag around.

Oh, that's good. And then one of my friends just refuses to give up the flag. Like the belly dancer's like trying to get it off her and give it off to other people. And she's like, no, I'm having a good time. I look over at my friends who I found out later have taken MDMA like not long before this has happened, thinking that that's a good time to do it,

not knowing that they're going to be watching a belly dancer quite soon. And it's hitting as they're watching the show and they just look like they are losing their fucking minds so then yeah like great awesome great like you know boost to the party at 1 30 a.m yeah she i was thinking about it the next day though it's like i reckon the problem now is that they are never going to get this woman out of their lives right Right. I reckon if they hear, if she hears more than two other voices over the fence, she's going to be straight in there.

If you're inviting yourself over at 1.30 in the morning, what's to stop you inviting yourself over at any point in the day? Oh, parents visiting. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Wow. Because, yeah, you're right. She's got the music. She's got all the cards.

Yeah. She's holding all of it. It's Friday night. It's Friday night. It used to be fish and chip shop night, but not anymore, you're right. Like, she's got the music. She's got all the cards. Yeah. She's holding all of it. It's Friday night. Friday night used to be fish and chip shop night, but not anymore. It's closed, so you might as well be belly dancing night. Yep. Yep. And, yeah, I messaged my friend.

He's like, she's been in touch since already. Oh, great. Yeah, wanting to schedule a follow-up. Great. Oh, wow. So, yeah, I'll keep an eye on this. Let's go over. Man, you know, not to knock it it but have you guys ever seen professional belly dancing

absolutely doesn't look hard don't know how much studying you have to do doesn't look tough aye sensei I reckon yeah

wait till this goes viral look if we get a third fourth wave and comedy takes a dive again that's I'm getting how long do you think it would take you

I'm learning belly dancing to do a serviceable Three minute Belly dance routine For your next When the live shows When you guys Are able to do live shows

Yeah yeah yeah A future live show A future live show Like and serviceable Not just Serviceable Not just A terrible approximation

And like a decent Serviceable version Yeah I'll start some YouTube tutorials And I'll get cracking on them. Because as someone who has had to try and learn to dance...

Ah, yes. It is... The first thing you realise is you go, shit, this is not like anything I've done before. And then the second thing you go is, fuck, I'm going to have to do this in front of people. Right. It's very, very difficult.

Right. Were you using your feet like an idiot and not your belly? Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, that was dancing with the stars. This is belly dancing with the whatever you are. Yeah, belly dancing with the schlops. With the gax people by the sound of this.

Yeah, that's it. Everyone in the crowd needs to have taken a cap. Yeah. And then I'll perform. Half an hour later, I come back. Belly dancing with the podcasters. Yeah, belly dancing. It's not quite as catchy as it is.

What a great idea. Belly dancing with the podcasters It's not quite as catchy as it What a great idea Belly dancing with the podcasters Imagine not getting a tan off someone Off their chops Yeah This guy was high as a kite And he didn't like what you did Well it needs to

We need Maybe we need Maybe I need to get in touch With this woman And it needs Because in that show You have a You have a partner

Yeah that's what I'm saying You have someone Whose reputation is staked on you No my idea was that She would teach you Okay I was going to do YouTube tutorials No no, my idea was that she would teach you. Okay. I was going to do YouTube tutorials. No, no, no.

My idea is that she would teach you. Okay. And then you would unveil it on the night. I'll get my friend to go around there. He can jack into this 30-year-old boombox that she's got and play an episode of this. I'm glad that sentence ended like that. Play an episode of this and go,

Hey, this guy wants to learn how to belly dance. Right. You can belly dance to the theme of this And go Hey this guy wants to learn How to belly dance Right You can belly dance To the theme of this show That would be good Yeah It's slow So you know It kind of won't be

Too hard for me Someone's a Part time DJ Surely Someone could belly dance it up I don't need Multiple songs I just need one

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah We're looking at we're looking at we're looking at 15-20 minutes who wants you to do

dinner and a show yeah not just one alright I'll get working on this I'll start with some I'll watch some YouTube tutorials I'll get the lay of the land

and then I'll yeah I'll chop this out somewhere down the line we are resolved new year new year alright Ed Cavill and Dave Thornton

thank you very much for joining us you sure can obviously Hugh's the air-in-chief. We're starting new radios in Sydney. And today, when we start, well, whenever this comes out, we're on. And also, during lockdown, on the first lockdown in Victoria, Dave said to me, Hugh's he said to me, he said, what are you going to do?

I said, I'm going to write a book. He said, you can't write a book. I said, fuck you. So I went and I have written a book. I've written a true crime detective. Oh, really? Scrovel. It's a scrovel've written a true crime detective scrovel. It's a scrovel mixed with a novel.

It is 200 pages. What's scrovel mean? A novel mixed with a script. It's the first one ever. I've invented a new theory. It's a dead serious one. It's based on six true crimes that I went and researched. And that will be out on Amazon, I think, next week.

It's called Six Leagues. Oh, wow. Check that out. Is this the press tour? It is. Fuck that guy. It's called Six Leagues. Oh, wow. Check that out. Is this the press tour? It is. Fuck that guy. So it's a spite novel. It's a novel written from spite.

Is that a quote from him on the front cover? Yeah, there is. This will show me your day fuse. Does Yuzi get killed six times in an old way? That's all it is. Six different ways to kill Yuzi. That's a good title for the following. I like it. I've got a lot of problems

You know what it's like Dave It's the longest radio prank of all time Yes It's simple to do something I thought nah That's too easy to do A simple prank Jump out of a car

What takes time Is to spend six months Writing a novel Anyway So that'll be our bit of fun Oh wow I could be a mascot For a low league football team

No I'm writing a novel I'm writing a novel. I'm writing a novel. I'm doing this. Good to be here. Good on you. Good on you. Good on you. You've got podcasts as well.

Yeah, so, yeah, yeah, yeah. Short answer, yes. So, Ross Noble podcast. Ross does, Ross loves video clips or film clips, whatever you want to call them. And he gets me on to help him. And we're trying to deconstruct Shania Twain's That Don't Impress Me Much.

Yep. And we've tried for 26 episodes but you'll be shocked to learn that Ross gets quite distracted quite easily and we haven't quite got there yet. And that's called? Ross Noble Podcast.

Right, right. Yeah. Story checks out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's on that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I'm obviously on the socials, Dave underscore Thorne.

I've set the bar very low at this point for the promotions. But, hey, G-Troid, anyone in Geelong? I'm performing there, I believe, mid-February. Yeah, with Dilruch, our singer. So I'll be there. And also sharing the bill with him in Adelaide, the Adelaide Fringe Festival. I do a podcast with him, sorry, called Mad Stacks.

Dilruch, the former accountant, is now trying to get mad rich so we can go to the Cayman Islands. So we have our money podcast called Mad Stacks. Dilruch's Mad Stacks. Have you got Team Effort as well? Yes. Right. Thank you.

Are you just forgetting podcasts you have now? No, but you don't want to just bang on about them forever. This guy loves podcasts. I do. Doesn't he? And then you've got one that actually pays, which is that radio show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's good stuff. podcasts. I do. Doesn't he? And then you've got one that actually pays which is that radio show.

It's good stuff. And then obviously you keep your eyes out for the Melbourne Comedy Festival. We'll be putting that stuff up. What's going on? Is it happening?

What's happening? What do we know? Mate, good question. That's why I haven't seen anything. We have to have it. What's happening? We're all saying

it's happening. Mate, come on. It's a party line. Mate, Chandler, you might be the only person left organising I've thought it, don't worry This could be the breakaway

This could be Super League This could be the moment where Well, it happens every 20-something years This could be the New Coast of New England International Podcast Festival Move to Melbourne Yeah, but in all seriousness As someone who knows how to put together rooms and nights, mate, you might

start thinking about it. I might be the last man standing. That's right. It's like the ABA to the NBA. It was a time in the 70s when things got crazy. This could be you in the breakaway league, mate.

The red, white and blue balls. This could be happening. But the NBA was the breakaway. So, ABA was more, wasn't it? Wasn't ABA slightly more established when they first started?

Nah, the NBA beat around and then the ABA broke out with all these crazy ideas. And they kept the three-point line. That was an ABA invention. Yeah, exactly. And they used to, you know, on SemiPro, it's kind of built around the ABA,

where they would literally have, like, bears at halftime doing wrestlers and stuff. That's a funny movie. Underrated movie, that. It's good fun, SemiPro. I'm planning on being the Kerry Packer of comedy. I'm going to... Everyone Kerry Packer of comedy. Everyone's going to be wearing pyjamas

on stage from now on, just not me. Because your festival goes for one day. This is Carl's one day. None of this

storytelling bullshit, just punch on, punch on, punch on, punch on. Whereas I'm telling a long story, I'm doing a

comedy festival test, so you've got to come back four days in a row to hear how this one wraps up I think fuck off Kitson

it's Stephen Wright or nothing comedy's already 2020 it's usually 20 minutes for about 20 bucks that's juicy how Santa works anyway alright guys

thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time see ya mate and they've done it again oh god yes See you, mate. See you, mate. And they've done it again. Oh, God, yes. Feels good.

That was a good one. We did that a couple of weeks ago. That was good, wasn't it? I've got a couple of updates on the belly dancer. Oh! That's what I talked about. New information I found out since recording the episode. I saw my friend who lives next door to the belly dancer, and she said the next day, January 1st,

the belly dancer texted her to say, hey, just letting you know, I'm going to get a COVID test this afternoon. So my friend's freaking out, thinking her party's going to be a fucking super spreader event. Was she one of those belly dancers with the veils over her face? Because that could have been okay. That could have been okay. Yeah, we would have all...

Bit of my dream of genie shit. Exactly. What a great thing that would have been to find out. Like, hey, you know, no one really thought about this, but belly dancers are protected. Everyone else at the party had it. Yeah. She didn't.

Can you get COVID off a belly? Yeah, that was the major thing that was exposed. Yeah. I don't know. Or can you give COVID to someone's belly? That was the major thing that was exposed. I don't know. Or can you give COVID to someone's belly? Big questions. Big questions. The other thing was my friend said to her,

you should have, you know, I think this was maybe on the night. She was like, why don't you stick around and have a drink with us? And the belly dancer goes, nah, it ruins the illusion. I like it. I love this one. That's good. So I've started a... I followed her on Instagram and I am going to be... She has also offered my friend to come round to her garage

and start learning belly dancing from her. So I'm going to be driving out there into the suburbs. Have you got the result from the COVID test yet though? Well, yeah, this was three weeks ago so you hope so yeah yeah right okay so maybe she had it but who cares

she's got rid of it by now yeah exactly yeah yeah yeah she was holed up for a little while couldn't get out there and do the bail or maybe she could

with the veil on you know she could just still be out there doing her thing yeah yeah okay well that's good right okay well so that's on board

you're all good yeah you're going to be dancing away with that little torso of yours. Good shit. What else happened on that episode? Anything?

I don't know. Just four boys having a lot of fun. Love that. Four boys having fun. That's the subject of many movies I watch. That's what Lemon Party was all about. Just four boys having a bit of fun. Yeah.

So as we said at the top of the show, Adelaide. Adelaide's on sale. What's that date again, Tommy? March the 6th at 4 p.m. Yeah, Saturday, March the 6th. That's the Saturday. So that's on sale. Get onto that quick.

We put that for sale in the Patreon Facebook group last night before the episode came out. So that's already selling away. We are releasing tickets early into the Patreon group first these days. Melbourne, that sold out, nearly completely sold out due to that. Well, yeah, I think a couple of nights specifically were all gone by the time we released them to the public. So yeah, if the bonus content hasn't tempted you, maybe this will. Yep. Yep.

So get onto that. Adelaide, looking forward to coming back like those boys said at the top of the show. That'll be fun just to get away, to be honest, at this point. I've never looked forward so much to going to Adelaide as I have right now. I can't wait. Love Adelaide. Yeah. Yeah.

Now, I got told that they got can't wait. Love Adelaide. Yeah, yeah. Now, I got told that they got rid of that burger place that we loved. Is that true? I don't know. That was one of my fucking highlights of Adelaide. Yeah, what was it called? What's the name of it again? I mean, that will be the interesting thing about going to other cities because you would have noticed this walking through the city.

There's certain little blocks of the city that post lockdown it just like it's just been decimated everything's shut down like heaps of places have gone out of business um although i did see uh maybe you've noticed this i thought it was gone forever but like a phoenix rising from the ashes the hungry jacks on burke street will be reopening are you kidding they've got a sign in the window it's only i reopening. Are you kidding? They've got a sign in the window. I thought it was done for good, but there's a sign in the window now saying like, oh, yeah, we're nearly ready to go again. So they were just doing some work in there. That's exciting. I really hope that they haven't gotten rid of the collage photograph

of the crocodile eating the bathing boxes. Yes, yes. And I really hope, I look forward to one day soon going upstairs and trying to do a little bit of work whilst a very out-of-focus TV plays a fair bit of static whilst there's some asleep Asian students and some other people who are, some other Dero-looking people who are absolutely making the most of the free refills. Yeah, which Hungry Jacks is it?

I think it was the Swanston Street one that had a similar collage photograph of the ski lifts and the camels. Yes. I think that was Swanston Street. So that's gone. Right. Oh, really?

Is that Hungry Jacks gone as well? Yeah, for the Metro Tunnel. Oh, I haven't been up that end of town. Oh, right. We're talking about Melbourne, not Adelaide, by the way. Yeah, they should... I really hope that their heritage listing the crocodile and the bathing boxes Oh, I haven't been up that entertainment. Oh, right. We're talking about Melbourne, not Adelaide, by the way. Yeah. I really hope that their heritage is listing the crocodile and the bathing boxes.

Because that's one of the few bad Hungry Jacks collage artworks that's left. I hope there's a museum somewhere. They've shifted them all to just the Hungry Jacks Museum of Art. That's the kind of thing you'd see on Vice, someone tracking down who made that piece of artwork. And you go to their house and they're just churning these things out non-stop some terrible artwork um some terrible photoshopping going on yes in that they truly looked like i reckon i would i would have pumped them out first year at tafe oh yeah i reckon their first year at tafe well it's like the assignment is like collage and like taking incongruous images, put them

together. It's like here's your first week, maybe second week of TAFE. Here's a couple of pictures. Just show how you can put them all in the same image and not have them too jarring. And those guys just about passed. Well, the ski lift and the camels in the Sahara is the perfect example of that. It's like, whoa, dude, it's the desert and it's really hot, but there's still ski lifts.

Whoa, this is trippy. I reckon they said it's too far when they put the sunglasses on the camel. Yes, yes, yes. That got taken off apart from that. So, well, that's good news. Now, Burger Theory, that was the name of it in Adelaide. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember Burger Theory?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cracking Burger Shop. I mean, fuck, I've got to look that up right now. But I got told that it's gone. it's gone okay interesting but there were a couple of them i think it may have been a chain so maybe it's just the specific one in the city that's gone but maybe the franchise oh no hang on there was one here at one point yes but closed down and they were insanely bad like yeah right they they're an example of of a business that was that made really good food but they were so bad at business because i remember we got really excited uh when they

moved here because we're like fuck every time we go to adelaide we get we get these burgers they're fucking great and then we tried to go there and they were like yeah we only opened from 5 45 to 7 15 at night yeah yeah. What the fuck are you talking about? And then, and I would, whenever I was in the city up that end, I'd be like, okay,

I've really got to make the effort to go up there. Like at that time of night, there's such a tiny little window. Yep. And one night I was there at this right time and I went up there

and it was a Friday night and it's like, yeah, sorry, we're closed Fridays. Great. Oh, okay. Yep. And then Friday night,

you're closed. Yep. And it wasn't long after that, they were gone, which is weird. Not hard to see why. When you're closed for dinner on a Friday night in the city. You would think that with a franchise, you're handing over the recipes and the general style guide of the menus and everything.

Surely the hours of operation should be part of the intel that you pass along. Fuck, how is it like... How do you get it where, I guess this happens with a lot of people, you have one strong strength and then one thing where you've got no fucking idea

of what's going on. You know, like a rock star or someone like that where it's like, yeah, they're really talented on stage but they don't know how to fucking tie their shoes off stage. Of course, yeah.

That's what burger theory is, the rock star of fast food. Yep. Cracking burger. Right in the kitchen, everything else. Don't know how to open the fucking front door.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I've looked them up. They are obviously gone from Melbourne. They were there for about, I reckon, two months. Yeah, yeah. Gone from where we were going

in the city, just off the Rundle Street Mall. They're back to their original location, which is at the university, at Flinders University. I think that's where they started.

A fast food place out of a university. Very weird. So, yeah, we're not going out to the Flinders University. We're not going to that fucking university. We're in Adelaide for 24 hours. Yeah. We're not going to Flinders University.

Yeah, yeah. Although I am tempted. I remember those burgers being fucking pretty good. Well, let us know. There must be a... My God, I've got a fucking update. What? Speaking of this, I've got a fucking update. What?

Speaking of this, I can't believe I forgot to talk about this before. We talked about this last week on the show, about how I made those special trips, a little burger nerddom, of going all the way out to these pop-up burger places that ended up always being in the same IGA car park in West Meadows. In West Meadows.

So I reckon two hours after the episode went out, the guy who runs that business hits me up. Yep. Classic, classic this show. Someone's dobbed on me straight away. Yep. Hit him up and gone. Someone's listening, hit him up and gone. They were talking about you on this episode.

And then they listened to the episode and hits me up and goes, yeah, I heard you talking about the business and I'm like, oh, fuck, here we go. This place I love to eat at is going to fucking ban me. But not so much that. Leon's Smash Burgers, shout out to them. Yep. Like I said, it was a fantastic couple of burgers

I got out there. But they hit me up. They were really excited about getting the shout out. Oh, thank you so much. And I was like, thanks so much for spreading the word. I'm like, I don't think we named you. But anyway. We didn't.

Yeah, we did. You've posted about them on, I think, your Instagram and tagged them. But yeah, we didn't name them on the thing. Yeah. But shout out now. Official shout out to Leon's Smash Burgers. Great name. Yeah.

Well, look, you know, they're popping up anywhere near you, you know, if you shop near the airport. They could be there anywhere around where you're shopping. Yep. If you want to sit in a dirty old fucking car park out in the west somewhere, you could get one of these burgers. That would be awesome to land at Melbourne Airport, get an Uber, and just put in the IGA West Meadows car park. Going straight there with your suitcase off the flight. If they ran like a shuttle bus. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you could park your car in the IGA car park, get the shuttle bus out to the airport. Yes, yes. A la the In-N-Out burger that's near LAX. Yes, exactly. Now, that would be good. Bring LA to Melbourne. So, Leon of Leon's Smash Burgers listened to the episode, impressed, said, let's work together.

Let's do something. I'm like, okay. So, how's this? This is the new plan. What do you think about this for the new plan? Because last week, I was saying you should get them to cater your child's birthday. Yes. That was what we were kind of riffing on at the time.

Now, he listened to that and said, let's do something. Happy to come and cater your son's birthday. Yes, yes, yes. Okay. Well, I don't think you listened that hard. But okay. Look, we didn't shout you out, so fair enough. You don't have to listen that hard.

So what we were talking about was, how about this? The sold out Melbourne shows that we've got coming up, right? Now, this guy was like, look, Leon was like, look, we can pop up at other places. It's not just the IGA in West Meadows. I'm like, well, prove it. Yep. He's like, okay, I'll come and do one of your shows. So, I'm like, right.

Yep. You know what we can do? Is he can cater, he can be the official caterer of the after party of one of our shows. Now, big problem here. Yes? There's no IGA car parks near where we do our shows. Right, okay. All right.

What if that was the sticking point? He's like, happy to come wherever, happy to come literally to any suburb, any location. I don't care how far I have to drive, but I am not parking my truck and operating anywhere that is not an IGA car park. Also, how come I can't see the airport from here? Where are the planes coming in the CBD? Yeah, we have to make sure he's under a flight path just so he feels comfortable.

Right, right. He has to be in zone three. The burgers don't taste as good with zone one water. Yeah. Yeah, I need that special water that you can only get it right out in the suburbs. water yeah yeah i need that special water that you can only get it right out in the suburbs um so uh catering the after party of little dumb dumb club live show on a saturday yeah because we're doing the shows uh what four saturdays in a row at 3 30 aren't we so 4 30 we'll have to pick it out should it be the first one the first week in maybe yeah maybe yeah let's pencil that in the

first week in okay well that'd be March the something? March the... 27th or something like that, I think it is. Will that be it? It's the... March the 27th. I think you got it right. Saturday, March the 27th. Whatever it is, opening weekend, March 27th, 5 o'clock or 4.30 or something like that,

after party of the Little Dumb Dumb Club, we go straight up to Spleen, which is like about 200 metres away. Yep. Spleen have said, Leon, you can have the kitchen. Is this confirmed? Yes. Okay, great. Leon's going to use the Spleen kitchen. He's happy.

I'm like, are you freaked out that there's going to be a roof over your head? Yeah, has Leon seen the state of this kitchen? No. There was a little problem with the fry cooker, but we're not doing fries, we're doing burgers. All right. Yeah. Oh, well, because there was a little problem with the fry cooker, but we're not doing fries. We're doing burgers. All right. Yeah. Oh, well, because this was the other thing.

There was meant to be a collaboration with you on Potato Judy. Oh, yeah. That was the other part of the idea. I want to see you – I want to see this to be – this is – I really hope Leon knows what he's in for. Yeah, right. This feels like – who's the person that Michael Keaton plays in The Founder? Oh, yeah.

You're just coming into this small business and completely cunting this guy. If you, within a month's time, you've kicked him out and it's Carl Chandler's Leon Smash Burgers. You've completely fucked this guy over. You buy him out for like a hundred bucks. Yeah, all of a sudden it's Carl Chandler's Crush Burgers. I've just changed it enough for me to be able to take over. No, it's got to be Carl Chandler's Leon's Smash Burger.

Yeah, right, right. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Well, that's what we call it for the night. And see if that, because I like his logo. If you do it up. Oh, you know what we can do, right?

So that's the plan. So that's the after party. After party, 5pm, Spleen Bar. Yes, Spleen doesn't, this will be like a private after party for us. We can have our run of the joint. Okay. So if you're coming to the show, or maybe even if you're not, maybe we'll have to make this official on the website or something.

Maybe you'll have to sort of like book a ticket to get there to make sure we've got the right clientele in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe you'll have to buy the burger online or something. But you come up, we get the burgers going. You know what I'm going to do? Two things I've just thought of then, right? Okay.

So what I do know is that in there, Joel at Splain, the manager, he said, look, sorry, but the fries are out of order. We can't get them going at the moment. They haven't brought the full menu back yet after lockdown and everything like that. What happened to the fryer? I don't know. I don't want to fucking ask. Yeah.

Fuck, that's devastating. Yeah. So we'll uh like you said get the fucking potato slices yep put them on the grill yep that's what we do yeah yeah so you and leon side by side my god you going gordon ramsay on him even though you're the one with absolutely no cooking experience whatsoever the dream i've either wanted to be the personal trainer to yell at people yeah i'm a chef yeah i'm personal trainer to yell at people or now I'm the chef. Yeah.

I'm definitely allowed to yell at people doing that. What could be more Kyle Chandler than screaming at someone for doing something wrong that you are doing

for the first time? And this guy doesn't know me so he'll be sort of intimidated before he sort of realises he's fucking huge this cunt and could easily bash me.

So alright. So fries. I want to get involved. What can I do? Maybe I'm DJing or something. Here's the next idea. Yeah. So, yeah, sure.

You know what I think is a great idea by you? If this is our restaurant, right? If this is the Little Dumb Dumb Club presents Carl Chandler's Leon's Smash Burgers. Right? That's it. This is our theme restaurant. This is our pop-up restaurant for the night. Yeah.

Because if we're only letting you know we can have a sign you can do the logo throughout the front we put that over the front of Spleen Bar because it's now a burger joint

Joel's gone yeah you can use the grill all of a sudden you're like yeah mate we'll take the sign down we'll rebrand the entire joint I'll clear this with him later

how's this so we do the new name on the front yep which is Little Diamond Club presents Carl Chandler's Leon's Smash Burgers yep we do the new name on the front, which is Little Diamond Club presents Carl Chandler's Leon's Smash Burgers. Yep.

You do the DJing. Yep. You design our new McDonald's characters, like Ron McDonald, the Hamburglar, Mayor McCheese, fucking the rest of them. Chando Land. Yes. Yeah, whatever it's got to be. Yep, sure.

You do the animated. Maybe you do like me and you and Kappa and whoever else and like a, I don't know, the big shit that was out the back of Spleen that time or? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So how do I, well, how am I presenting, am I presenting this at the pod that day? How are we getting this across? Yeah, maybe. I think maybe, yeah, just to get hyped for the after party, at the podcast, I'll debut the characters.

Well, either that or you could do them online to give them a bit of sizzle in the weeks leading up. I don't know. That could be a good little ad for it. Yeah, I can, yeah, I'm trying to think at it. Maybe on the socials I could premiere the concept artwork. Right. And then at the pod, I've got people in costume.

Oh, fuck. How are we going to do that? Are you sure? I don't know. Yeah, all right. the pod, I've got people in costume. Oh, fuck. How are we going to do that? Are you sure? I don't know. Yeah, all right. We'll work on this. This is exciting. We'll work it out.

But yeah. We're working on it. We're thinking on air. So look, we'll get to the bottom of this. I've been tempted by, I keep seeing something in the $2 shop at the Northcote Plaza out the front of it.

It's a black chef's hat that says bald and beautiful on it. And I keep going, fuck, I'm really tempted to buy this. But I've really got no cause to. But now, even though I'm not working the grill, I mean, I am, if I'm, you know, we're putting this thing on, I'm grill adjacent. I think this is a good enough motivation for me to buy that chef's hat.

Well, you greeting people at the door in a black chef's hat, I think that's a good enough motivation for me to buy that chef's hat. Well, you greeting people at the door in a black chef's hat, I think that's a good idea. Yeah. We should think of like, you know, get the paper hats or something, you know, like let's think of what we like. We have a party room upstairs. Yeah, we think of what we like about like, you know. So quickly, this being a nice idea for your child's birthday.

Yes. She's out of the mix now. She's gone. She's hit the bricks. She's gone. No, she's gone. You know what we get to do now, of of course very natural from what we're talking about we get to design our own hungry jack's fucked artworks for the wall oh yes yes maybe this is something maybe this is something we should commission from the listeners oh do we get submissions of the best

fucked collage artwork that's not too bad and the the best ones we'll have framed and we'll have on the walls. Okay, great. All right, let's do that. Yeah, that's getting everyone involved. This is exciting. Yeah, this is exciting. I haven't had a little challenge like this for a while. This is good.

Right, okay. Look, we'll think of more ideas. Now, with the menu, is Leon just getting in there and is he just doing the straight up like whatever his classic burger is? Yeah. Or are you making a request? Are you having a Chando burger on the menu? Oh, fuck.

Because I think that's a real waste. If we, maybe each of us, we have a Chando and a Tommy. Or, you know, if we each get to have our own little spin on what he does. This is good. Okay, I'll talk to him. Look, you know, from what I've to have our own little spin on what he does. This is good. Okay, I'll talk to him. Look, you know, from what I've had so far, he keeps it very simple. That means he's got, there might be room on the menu to have something else on there. It's just a straight up, there's no salads in it, right?

It's just a straight up. Yeah. Onion salad? Isn't it? Onion salad, sort of. Okay, he's got grilled onion. Yeah, yeah. He's got grilled onion, patties and cheese. Yeah. Onion salad? Huh? Isn't it onion salad, sort of? Oh, okay. He's got grilled onion. Yeah, yeah. He's got grilled onion patties and cheese.

Yeah, maybe tomato or gherkins or whatever, I think. Bit of that. All right. Yep, yep, yep. But he's not... Like, he doesn't have, like... It's not a menu where there's, like, a Hawaiian or chicken. Nah, nah, nah, nah.

Okay. Look, he doesn't even have chips, usually. Yeah, okay. Out in the IGA car park. Yep. Yeah, it's pretty simple. But he does, you know, the very good, simple stuff. I love the idea that he's listening to this before you've made contact with him.

And just his eyes, he's just reeling from how, just all of a sudden, he's really being put to work. Yeah. He's reached out, he's, thanks for the plug, and all of a sudden, we are absolutely working this guy like a pack horse. Yeah. And look, he could hear it before I mention it to him him because we're recording this about 12 hours before it comes out. So yeah.

Yeah. Absolute big chance. I think give him a day. I think it's more enjoyable for him to kind of, you know. Find out. Yeah. Don't you think? Yeah.

I don't know. Like he listened to last week's one. So now I guess we just find out if he's listening every week now. Well, it's also like we mentioned several times about a birthday party for your daughter and he said your son. Yes. So he's probably going to listen to this and be like, yeah, guys, can't wait. Yeah.

Who's this Leon guy you're talking about? Yeah, what he will think we're pitching based on him mishearing daughter for son last week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't wait to hear what he makes of this, how he's interpreted what we've suggested. Oh, man, I'm fucking so excited. Yeah, this will be good. This is great. Our own little themed burger joint.

This is what we've been subconsciously building up to for 530 episodes. It's all there in the logo. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Fuck, this is good. Yeah. So, yeah, look, there's a lot of work to be done. We've got comedy festival shows to work on,

but, you know, they'll write themselves, I'm pretty sure. We've got to focus on this thing. This is important. Well, I mean, this is three days before my show opens, this event. So the hope would be that this goes well enough that I go, I'm canning the show and I'm becoming a full-time restaurateur right right comedy or if it goes well you can cater every show that you do every solo show yeah yeah yeah just becomes a degustation slash comedy show that would be my dream yeah yeah that's good um which leads us in nicely uh like we said uh we do have solo shows coming up

that were basically the solo shows we were going to do last year, except now I've had 12 more months to work on them, ideally. Yep. So have you got your dates there, Tom? Yeah, March 30 till April 4th at 7.30pm at the Coopers Inn. It's, yeah, limited capacity. It's only a week of shows. It's, what's that, five nights? Tuesday to Sunday? So, yeah, limited capacity. It's only a week of shows. It's, what's that, five nights?

Tuesday to Sunday? So, yeah, get in quick. Get in quick if you want to come see that. And, yeah, had a good time running it in at the start of the year, back doing gigs, feeling good about it. So, yeah, come on down. Absolutely get in early. I know, you know, there's the whole thing of like, yeah,

the podcast sells better than the solo shows. That's natural. That's just, look, the Stones sell better than Mick Jagger solo. You know, that's just what happens. Very, very good comparison. So, look, that's limited seating. That is your venue as well. Yep.

So is mine, which is, like I said, Carl Chandler in Please Call Me Carl. Like you said. It was my father. Huh? Like you said. Yes. Comedy was my father. Huh? Like you said. Yes, like I said then. It's the guy, if you like my chips from the burger restaurant, then come and see the show.

Yep. Now, that starts, it's a limited run. It is April 5 to April 18. And that is at the Imperial Hotel in Melbourne, in Bourke Street. So get along and see that. There's also, that's at 8.15 every night. Good time, 7.15 on Sundays. And also, there'll be a couple of shows after the podcast.

Like, we're doing four live podcasts. I think I'm doing extra shows directly after the last two of them. So if you come to the third or the fourth live podcast and you want to go back-to-back, you can absolutely do that. I'll be downstairs in the basement at the European Beer Cafe directly after the live podcast.

Cool. Yeah. Yeah, I think... Oh, yeah, so I have one Saturday one. Right. So April the 3rd? Yeah. So that'll be after the second.

So, hey, there'll be no... There'll be no burger after party after the second podcast. So that was perfect. Come see my solo show. So definitely. So the first out of the four live podcasts in Melbourne, the first one we do the burger show at the burger restaurant afterwards.

The second one, they can go and see your show. And then the third and fourth one, they can go and see my show. Wow. Our fucked lives are absolutely back to normal. Great. Perfect. Love it. Didn't think we'd be

announcing stuff like this in fucking September of 2020 but here we are. Yeah. Yeah. Things are nature's healing. All right.

All right. All right. So is there anything else to report? I don't think so. That's heaps. That's fucking heaps. We've got to get into

the business end of this. That's it. Let's shake our money maker. Thank you to everyone who subscribes to patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub that allows us to come up with these genius ideas. If it wasn't for you, we'd be just sitting in separate rooms jerking off, pulling our little dicks. Yeah.

But because of you guys, we sit in a room together, take our hands off it for once and come up with these fucking absolute Mensa applications. Well, it's the difference. Thanks to this podcast, it's the difference between without the podcast, we'd just be pulling our dicks in separate rooms. But then with this podcast, we go, what if we pulled our dick in a room with all these other people and they come in and watch us with your podcast? Yeah, onto a grill.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gone are the days of just eating a burger, having a nice lunch. End of story. Now it's like, how can this take over my life for the next two months? I just thought of something. You know what the other thing with this burger restaurant is? You know, if you don't have a ticket to the live podcast, come by. You might be able to get a takeaway.

Like, what if we have a line going down the street of Bourke Street? Have we got, we fill the, like like we're going to have a certain capacity. What's all this waste? This is Leon that's going to be working the drill, having to churn out these burgers. This is us. This is where we're running it. He's a hired hand. We're the geniuses behind the business.

By himself, all he is is Leon's smash burgers in fucking West Meadows in the IGA car park. Like you said, we're the founder of McDonald's. We're the guys that go, instead of just making one burger per day, here's the new venue, here's the production line, here's how to do it. Here's an actual grill. Sell it to people who listen to podcasts. They fucking love burgers. They'll buy five each.

Yep, yep, yep. We're the geniuses behind this. Yep. Leon is just a minion of ours. Again, Leon, if you're listening, I hope you agree to doing behind this. Yeah. Leon is just a, a minion of ours. Again, Leon, if you're listening, I hope you agree to doing all this. But, so,

we can have, we can fill spleen. Yeah. I mean, sorry, our pop-up, pop-up restaurant, Little Dumb Dumb Club presents Carl Chandler's,

Leon's smash burgers. Yep. And then, if you want to come by for a bit of takeaway, line up out the front. Love it. Uh, yeah, up out the front. Love it. Yeah, okay. I don't mind it.

I'm concerned about the logistics of how this extra takeout element is going to work. No, it's fine. I've thought about it for two seconds and I can't see a problem with it. All right. Instead of lining up at the front, maybe you line up in the alley in the back where the brown ice cream was that time. Yeah, that's not bad. Yeah. And someone's just delivering it to you at that back door. Yeah. Yeah. line up in the alley in the back where the shit was where the brown ice cream was that time yeah that's not bad yeah and someone's just

delivering it to you out that back door yeah straight out of the back door that's probably better I like the optics of out the front it's true

if you're lining up in an alley that is probably more our speed yeah because if you know if something's wrong

with the burgers and you shit yourself you're in the right place for it exactly okay like we said patreon.com

slash little dunlop club. We're still thinking of ideas. We're fecund with inspiration. Thanks to you guys. Without money, we don't know fucking jack shit, but you guys are fueling us. So what we do is in return for the patronage that you give us, we make multiple bonus episodes a week. They're all available for you online. the patronage that you give us. We make multiple bonus episodes a week. Yep. They're all available for you online.

There's an archive of them if you want to jump on and be a little latecomer. And on top of that, of course, you go into the draw, you go into the lottery, as it were, to have your name read out in this little section of the show. Thanks to the machinery supplied to us by the UTA, the Unplanned Title Alternator. Yep. And it's time to

hit the big red button once again this week. Let's see who's up first up. Come on, give us something good to work with UTA,

please. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Will Johnston. Hmm. Johnston. Yeah.

J-O-H-O, no J-O-H-O, not Joe Hoston. J-O-H-N-S-T-O-N-E. Johnston, Johnstone. What do you prefer? Do you like the stone? I don't mind the stone.

I don't mind the stone, but you never, I think most, yeah, Johnstone, you probably are mostly going to pronounce it as Johnston. Johnston, yeah. With the Australian pronunciation things, you get a bit lazy. You know, Melbourne. Melbourne turns into Melbourne. Yeah. So Johnstone is Johnston.

Yeah. I would say. For sure. Pretty boring. Pretty dull. Do you reckon Willie would be a bit like that? Do you reckon when people are talking to him and they pronounce his name, oh, actually. Bit of respect to the ancestors.

I'm getting big actually vibes from this guy. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, I would have thought so. Big Rick and Morty fan. Will, I reckon. If his name was William Johnston, I'd be a lot more confident in that theory. But because he's Will, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Well, you know, it is. So presumably he's listening to this going, actually, it's William. Right, right, right. Yeah. Well, I mean, he's had to fill this in himself. So I've got to give him the benefit of the doubt. But he's put that in there. Right.

So he gets the satisfaction of hearing you say it wrong. Right. So that he then gets the satisfaction of busting out a big actually. Bit of entrapment. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Well, God, this guy's fucking devious. Stone.

It's a good thing to have in a name, I reckon. I like it. Just by itself. Yeah. Great. What is a John Stone, do you think? A big fat John. What's a stone in measurement?

Is it like a couple of kilos or something? Or is it half a kilo? Let me have a look It's big, isn't it? I just got a text My sister is Don't say her name My sister is here to visit

Don't come home for a while I don't know if the sister's put in that request or how that works. It's equal to 6.35 kilograms. I always thought a stone was like 100 kilos or something like that. Right, right. You know what I'm going to say? So that's for our younger listeners. You might not have heard that as a measurement before,

as a unit of measurement, a stone. But that's something I remember my parents saying growing up. Really? Yeah, yeah. Very, very vaguely. Me just going, what the fuck? How do you? It's like, you know when people say, oh, it's a foot.

You're like, yeah, but feet are all different sizes. How do you call that a measurement? You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. I see what you're saying. It's like not everyone's foot measures a foot. So there's one universal foot that the feet measurement was based on. Yes. Just that there's one stone out there that weighed six kilograms

that they're like, this is the measurement. Yeah, and also, I beg to argue, if you've got a stone that's six kilos, that's a rock. I don't think that's a stone anymore. Oh, that's interesting. What's the differentiation between a stone and a rock? I'll tell you who I bet knows. I bet Big Will Johnston. Actually, the difference is in the region

in which they are commonly found. Will John Rock. Now, that would be good. Yeah, there john rock now that would be good yeah there we go that would be good will john six kilos he sounds like the name of someone on the flintstones you know how like you know like the yeah yeah the flintstones assumes that in prehistoric times everyone's name was about a rock or a stone or something like that whenever there was like a like a music star would come in all all of a sudden his name was Elvis Rockley.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. But then when they did the Jetsons, you know, basically the Flintstones but in the future, it wasn't like everyone was called Johnny Computer. Well, Jetson. Yeah, but they weren't. That back when the... Especially Sprocket, I guess.

In the 60s, they were like, what's in the future? Jets. Yeah, yeah. Don't think you look far enough mate actually the 60s version of the future is fucking awesome yeah it's such a it's like futuristic stuff now all tends to kind of like look the same and it's just basically floating screens and stuff yeah but when they're in the 60s and they were just really wilding out going like here's what it's going to be like in 1992. Yeah. Fucking a dog on a treadmill.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was truly the craziest thing they could think of in the Jetsons. Yeah, yeah. Robot made, goes without saying. Yeah. And a dog that walks itself on a treadmill. Yeah. It would have been good. A dog that can talk.

It would have been good if, what was his name? What was Jetsons in the first name? George. George Jetson. If he fucked a maid, that would have been good. If he fucked a maid, that would have been a true insight into the future. I bet there's drawings of that out there. Oh, there's got to be, hasn't there? And once again, guess who I bet's done him?

Will Johnson. Actually, her name is Rosie the Robot, and she is not programmed for sex, so she would not find it enjoyable. Well, look, that's a lot better than Fred Flintstone fucking a pelican up the ass in the prehistoric age. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks, Will. Well, look, that's a lot better than Fred Flintstone fucking a pelican up the ass in the prehistoric age. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks, Will.

Thanks, Will. Thanks, sorry, William, as you demand to be known as in our imaginations. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber number two for this week, Joel Green. Don't mind this. Well, look, I thought pretty plain. Pretty plain. So then I've got a little bit of intel. Okay.

Got his middle name to play with. Yep. Joel Peter Green. Whole different ball game. That's worse. Oh, that's no good? I don't like it. Forget I said it.

Yeah, I don't like it. That's in brackets. Sorry, man. Forget I said it. A middle name. I'm not down for a middle name that's like not at least a little bit spicy. Right. Just a name that's a pretty, you know, stock standard first name.

It's a waste of a middle name. Don't have two six out of tens in a row. Exactly. Yeah. Joel is, if he was like Peter Joel Green, that's interesting. Yeah. Because Joel is a pretty uncommon name. Right.

But like Peter for me is a step back from Joel. Is it sort of like you know if you if you went to an ice cream shop and you're like all right i'm gonna get two ice creams you'll get like you'll get a bit of a base you'll get something that's like you know you know what you're gonna get yeah and then you'll get something fucking crazy you know like like the just just just so you even if you're disappointed by something crazy you got your your rock over here well yeah i mean uh yeah i think like I think like, yeah, you need the control. Right.

You need the control in there. So like a vanilla is just a good, a great way of telling what an ice cream place is capable of. Right, yeah. So you have that to start off. And then, yeah, and then you sort of, maybe they've got some weird special like a- Yeah, chili chocolate caramel or something. Yeah, or have like a Lamington flavor or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But yeah, you need your control to sort of go, okay, this is the baseline of what this place does with the most standard flavour you can get. So what he's done here is he's gone for two scoops of vanilla instead.

No? I don't think Joel's vanilla. Okay. I think Joel's kind of interesting. It's not, I don't think it's, you know, it's not boysenberry.

It's maybe... What is it, caramel? It's maybe strawberry or it't think it's, you know, it's not boysenberry. It's maybe... What is it, caramel? It's maybe strawberry or it's maybe even choc chip. Oh, yeah, I can see choc chip. It's choc chip and vanilla. Is that what we can do for the rest of this read today? What flavour? What flavour are your names?

What flavour are his names? No, because, yeah, choc chip, the foundation of it is vanilla. It's just vanilla with a bit of addition to it. So you've got the vanilla as the control. So the choc chip is sort of a bit of a waste. Right. And that's what this is. I get it.

A waste. Right. Choc chip. Joel's name is choc chip. If your name is Joel. Peter's vanilla, Joel's choc chip. Right. Okay.

Interesting. I like that. All right. I'm on board with that. Joel. Sorry, I forgot to say. I'll just get rid of the peter bit cut that out tommy uh joel green yeah yeah you know i'm warming to it now that i see

the the flavor now that i see the depth in it yep now that i say it's not just it's not just french vanilla even though i like you know i'm on i'm on record as saying vanilla are we sure given that you read this are we sure his name's joel green and it's not joel blue or something that would be amazing amazing if it even came into words you know what you and me represent the two disabilities that it's still okay to make fun of baldness and colorblindness where no one's no one's out there going hey man that is not cool to make fun of that guy for not having hair my my child is like we're trying to teach little blanket colors and there is like way too many times where she's pointing at stuff and going red blue and it's not red and it's not blue and my wife is going this is your fault yeah yeah this is your fault i'm like

no she's just learning the words like she's just saying stuff she's not she doesn't know like she's she's not counting yet or anything like that she's just learned a few's not she doesn't know like she's she's not counting yet or anything like that she's just learned a few colors and is indiscriminately pointing at things and saying like she likes saying red so she's just saying red about everything all right and she's my wife's like no i don't like this this does not bode well that's interesting because i i'm sorry we've talked about this before i know but i i always forget this specific detail what age were you when you discovered you were colorblind were you quite you were you quite old yeah yeah yeah it's really interesting how you can just go through life and like just not like just not know but at what age

can you test and go hey we're a bit white imagine just being devastated like my child's yeah yeah well it's not i'm not a. I'm not saying black and white. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what? I should take a test. I don't know. Are there tests you can take? I don't even know how it works.

But it's just like there's certain things I struggle with a little bit. So it was more that thing of like going through life and going, just very slowly going, I'm not sure about this. I'm not sure what's going on here. And then one day on the internet, I think I saw an ad that was like a colorblind ad, going, this is how to find out if you're colorblind or not. I'm like, yep, that's what's wrong with me.

Yep. Yep. Right, right. But yeah, I should do something official, whatever it is. I don't know if you can. It's not like a thing you go to the doctors for, is it? Yeah, because who cares? Yeah.

Get on meds for it. Yeah, yeah. You go to the doctors and they go, yeah, I guess you can't see purple that great. Here's some pills. Yeah. Will this make me see purple? No. Okay.

Okay. Cheers. What a shame. Have a good Friday night. All right. Well, thanks, Joel. Thanks, Joel, whatever the fuck your last name is. Thanks, Chocchip.

Yep. Thanks, Chocchip. Weird. Thanks, Chocchip. Weird colour. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Claudia Devos. Claudia Devos. Yeah, Devos. Claudia Devos. D-E-V-O-S.

Devos. Claudia Devos. It's got to be Devos. It can't be. Or is it really Australian? It looks foreign. Is it Australian? Is it Claudia Devos?

Oh, I don't care about that. I'm just trying to work out what flavour Claudia is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think she's some kind of gelato. Oh, that's good. I don't think she's straight up dairy. I keep thinking something a darker colour, not a chocolate. Yeah.

What's a dark... What's more of a purpley? What are those ones? I'm getting... Is it like a boysenberry? I'm getting sort of like a... I'm getting like a strawberry... Are you the ice cream whisperer?

Yeah. Right. I'm getting a strawberry... Like a strawberry kind of gelato. Right. Or like a... Is it something... Or is it a sor...

A sorbet. What's the ice cream that's not like real cream? That is gelato, isn't it? Isn't it... What's gelato then? Isn't gelato... I've always been confused. Isn't gelato... Sometimes I'll get gel't it? What's gelato then? Isn't gelato? I've always been confused. Isn't gelato?

Sometimes I'll get gelato and I'll be like, can I get ice cream instead? They're like, you know, this is, that's basically ice cream. I thought gelato or gelati

was like the more kind of, it's like not as creamy. It's like, Yeah. Is it sorbet? It's a bit more citrusy. I'm looking it up. In any case,

I think that she's a, she's a strawberry one of that. Whatever it is that I'm thinking of, that's you, Claudia. Yeah. Is it like, is it something

a bit more sophisticated than strawberry? Is there, what's a dark colour? I mean, not a dark colour, but a dark flavour,

a dark looking flavour of gelato or ice cream. Sorbet is basically water and sugar and fruit, whereas ice cream and. Sorbet is basically water and sugar and fruit, whereas ice cream and gelato is milk and cream and sugar and fruit. Ice cream and gelato are the same thing now. Yeah.

This is PC culture gone, Matt. I swear to God, when I was a little kid, I swear to God gelato was what is now called sorbet. Yeah, I get that feeling too. Yeah, I think they've changed it. Yes, have they changed it? I reckon they have Gelato is the Italian word

For ice cream What? Okay We just fucking Is this like Is it Oh this is the Mandela effect Yeah yeah yeah

Is this one of those things? Are we Have we found a new one? Yeah That sorbet used to be gelato I swear Okay this is interesting That you and I both

Have the same memory Yes There must be Others like us out there. Yeah. We're the only ones. Let us know. Has something changed? I swear.

Because this does make... Because I remember it was like... This is like me and colour blindness when I was in primary school. And I've said this before. I genuinely thought I missed the day when they taught us the difference between green and brown. Right, right. Oh, well, there's no catch up. Yeah, I feel like I... I was out of school the day they they taught us the difference between green and brown. Right, right. I was like, oh, well, there's no ketchup. Yeah, I feel like I –

I was out of school the day they taught gelato. Because I remember like seeing – like now the fancy – like every fancy ice cream place is like a – calls itself a gelato, like Messina gelato or whatever. And I remember it taking me a long time to get over just this residual kind of, that word being very triggering from being a little kid. Right.

And thinking I was getting ice cream and then mum going, it's a gelato because it's not as, it's kind of like better for you, I guess. It's not. I mean like,

no, gelato is the shit stuff that they try and pass off as ice cream. That's for grownups or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like dark chocolate or something. Exactly, yeah. Give me Smarties. Yeah.

I don't want a club bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally's like dark chocolate or something. Exactly, yeah. No, no, no. Give me Smarties. Yeah. I don't want a club bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. Yeah. Totally. Love a club bar these days. Me too. It really has worked with me.

It was my grandpa's favorite chocolate, I remember, from growing up. And I thought, this old man is fucked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now I get it. Yeah, I love it. I get it, Dougie. What about... I think they got rid of it.

Did they get rid of... You know what my favorite chocolate was for for a little while the dark milk chocolate the the blend the cadbury were putting out okay blend of milk and dark oh it was absolutely very good okay um you know what they've just brought out you know i had a block of today the cadbury uh the the family block or whatever it is, Neapolitan. Oof. How are they doing that? Great question because the rumor went out online a few weeks ago or months ago or whatever

it was and they were like, what are you going to do? Is it like a white one, a brown one and a pink one in a row, in a row of three? Yeah. How's it going to work? No, they've layered it. Well, yeah, I was going to say, because if they're just individual blocks, it's like, cool that you get in the choice,

but sort of who cares? Yeah, exactly. I like that. That's what I like. I like hearing that. I saw it and went, okay, I'll do this. And you know what?

The great thing is, you open it up, smells like, smells really good. I like that. Smells like Neapolitan. Even though that's not how anyone eats Neapolitan ice cream.

So it's kind of inaccurate in that regard. But worth it. Worth a try. Yeah, okay. I'll have a go. But, fuck, yeah. Okay, we need to get to the bottom of what flavour this... So we're agreed that we think she's a sorbet.

I think you're very close. I just kind of think that there's some sort of... Like a cherry sorbet. Yeah, something like that. Yeah. Is that possible? I think it's... Yeah, it would be possible. There's cherry ice cream. I just keep thinking more... There's some sort of a... Like a cherry sorbet. Yeah, something like that. Yeah. Is that possible? I think it's... Yeah, it would be possible.

There's cherry ice cream. I just keep thinking more... There's a cherry Ben & Jerry's flavour. Like more purpley or something than the strawberries. There's something... I just think... Cherry's like a... It's a dark...

It's a rich, dark red. Is cherry a sorbet? Can you get it? You would be able to, surely. There is... Yeah, you can get... There's Cherry Garcia, the Ben & Jerry's flavour. Let me just Google cherry sorbet? Can you get it? You would be able to, surely. There is, yeah, you can get, there's Cherry Garcia, the Ben and Jerry's flavor. Let me just Google Cherry Sorbet. But, you know, I think you can, yep, yep.

Cherry Sorbet recipe. It exists. Okay. All right. It's out there. Claudia. Can we go with that? Cherry Sorbet.

All right. Cherry Sorbet. Wow. What a sophisticated flavor she gets. She sounds like a sophisticated lady. Well, it is, you know, Claudia. I'd be pretty annoyed if I met her and she was just absolutely some scrubber. Me too.

With a name like that. Yeah. I'd be pretty annoyed. Think how annoyed she'd be. Yeah. Well, no, she'd be happy. Is there... What do you mean?

Well, is there people out there that are scrubbers that are just like, you know, unhappy with it? I don't know. I think they're just like, oh, this is what it is. You've got to play the hand you got dealt. I'm just, you know, like I'm thinking, you know, someone that lives, you know, on the dole, you know, 17 kids. Yep. It's not like they're going, ah, fuck, I wish I was this or that on this. Oh, whatever.

This is what it is. This is fine. It's all good. Yeah, I had a great moment. I went down to the beach for the weekend and I was walking past a street and there was a family that had a big jet ski out on the front lawn. Dad, and I assume like an uncle, and then just three kids, all just washing the jet ski together. Right. And uh dad and i assume like an uncle and then just three kids all just

washing the jet ski together right and i was looking at it going i'll never know this kind of happiness you know what i mean when you just see those moments where you go these people yeah happy in a way yeah that i think is just not possible right for me i got really jealous it's like that's what it's all about i had a i you know, I mean, you know I love my webcams and stuff like that for Thailand. I had an afternoon today. Baby was going fucking crazy for a few hours. Looking after her by myself all day. Don't say her name had the complete day off until right now.

And finally got her down after a bunch of hours of her going fucking ballistic. And then I sat and did a bit of work, but did it right in front of the TV, got the YouTube linked up to the TV and found like an hour video of someone on a scooter going around Copenhagen very slowly. Great. It's just like I could have sat on like a toy bike or something and just pretended it was me. That would have been good.

That's pretty good. Yeah. All right. Thanks, Claudia. Thanks, Claudia. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. Wow. This is interesting.

This is a good note. Thank you to Patreon subscriber number four for this week, Kirstie Officer. Oh, okay. Officer Kirstie at school. Yeah, yeah. Not bad. Kirstie at school. Yeah, yeah. Not bad. Imagine being a teacher and looking down at a five-year-old and going, Officer Kirstie?

And just this five-year-old going, present? Yep, yep. Thank you, sir. Put the gun down. Yeah. Well, I hope she's a good person. If we ever got abuse from her online, you just write back, ACAB.

That would show her. Yeah, yeah. Again, sorry, I'm distracted. I'm trying to... Yeah, you're thinking. I'm using my sixth sense. You're thinking dairy. Yeah, I get it.

Because we're not going on the surname, are we? We're going on the first name. Just the first name, yeah. This is the first name. That's too sophisticated of a palette to go, to combine both names to think of an ice cream. I'm getting like a banana flavour. I was going to say.

I'm getting something a lot lighter. A lot lighter. What's something that's maybe not even as strong as banana? What's something that's like, you know, very lighter, like a cheesecake or a, probably not a cheesecake, but something lighter, something lighter color, definitely in the banana zone. Yeah. What are other flavors that are that sort of color?

Like a light yellowy kind of. Yeah, that's what I got out of it. But what are you, are you basing it just on aesthetics or are you kind of going on taste? What if I've got... What if this is like a mental disorder that I've got? Yeah, is this a... What's the thing where people like... Yeah, yeah.

People like see sounds and stuff like that. What's that thing called again? Synthesizer or something like that. Synthesizer, yeah, that's it. When I hear a name, I taste ice cream. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's what it is. But like I think we've both got similar palates.

Yeah. We're not too far away from each other with both of them. So maybe this is just the thing we've all got. Maybe. Yeah. Maybe people at home are yelling at their iPods right now saying the same thing. Double guessing. Well, you're welcome to, if you want, if you're listening,

start a thread in the Facebook group and put these names down and what flavor you felt when they first got read out. That's good. So, I mean, fuck, we haven't even really touched much on Officer yet, which is just a cracking fucking surname. It is great. But, hang on, I'm going to Google yellow ice cream. I mean, you're going to have a hard time convincing me of anything other than banana, I'm sorry to say.

That's cool. That's cool. Fuck. Now, this is interesting. Look at this. Google image. Just a full page of yellow ice cream. Now, that is a good-looking page.

That is a really good-looking page. That looks weird, doesn't it? That's good. That's fun to look at. That is lemon ice cream. There is ultra-creamy lemon ice cream. There is golden milk ice cream. Yellow mustard ice cream. There is ultra creamy lemon ice cream. There is golden milk ice cream. Yellow mustard ice cream.

Mango coconut ice cream. Yeah, a bit strong. Persian saffron ice cream. Creamy fresh kiwi ice cream. Honey and saffron ice cream and orange. Mango ice cream. Pumpkin banana ice cream. Fucking mango ice cream pumpkin banana ice cream fucking hell

mango choc chip yeah there you there you contenders there you contenders there nothing beats banana for you nothing beats banana for me

I even you know maybe like even I was tempted to get into the realm of salted caramel but now I'm I'm but the problem with that is

I'm overthinking it and I'm trying to think of a compromise for you you've got to caramel, but now I'm, but the problem with that is I'm overthinking it and I'm trying to think of a compromise for you. You've got to go with your gut. I'm still not, my gut is, my personal gut is banana. Yeah. Okay. I'm happy to go with that. I'm not, I'm not, look, I don't mind the idea of mango.

I don't mind the idea of salted caramel either, but I'm happy to, I don't feel strong enough to do any form of overruling or trying to twist your arm. Yeah. I mean, look, I wouldn't hate those other two as options, but if I'm going purely with my gut instinct of what I tasted on the tongue when I heard Kirsty, it's banana. What if you do this, like whoever you meet from now on, this is what you think of immediately and you meet someone called Gary and you're like,

yuck, I hate peanut butter. Fuck. I'm actually allergic. Or no, maybe you're lactose intolerant. And now everyone's name makes you sick. Yeah. Look, I'm tempted to bring this up now, but we are running out of time. And also, I'm saving it for the next episode that we do.

But I'll tell you this as a tease. I've invented a new game. And I think you're really going to enjoy it. I think you're really going to enjoy it. I've enjoyed this game enough. I know, I know. This other one's better. Can we do this next episode for the same bit?

Can we bring this little segment back? Ice creams are back. What ice cream is your name? Yep. I want this to be a regular segment. Because we do this quite often. We go, this is what we're going to do with the names for this week. And they're always a lot of fun, but then we forget about them next week.

This is the first one that I've ever felt has true staying power, where we could do this. And again, in two years' time, we're explaining this segment to people, and inexplicably, we do this and again in two years time we're explaining this segment to people and inexplicably we do this extra thing after the podcast that goes for an hour

where we read out names and we compare them to ice cream flavours yes absolutely yeah from now on when people say

what's talking dum-dum oh it's when names you find out what names of ice creams are yeah like we do the app and we have a fun time with our friends.

They're like, do you guys want to come get lunch? We're like, we can't. Yeah. We've got to sit and talk about ice cream for another hour after you leave. We've got to figure out what ice cream Patrice is. Yeah. Okay. That's good.

That's, you know, as part of that next week, this is what I want to do. I want to find out what ice creams our names are. Oh. See, that's good. That's next time. That's next time. Okay. That's next time.

But should we have a slight go at Officer? Should we do anything about Officer? Or have we done enough? I mean, we've done enough, you know. I mean, it's one of those things where it's like the more overt it is, kind of the harder it, you know, it's all there. It's great. Is there a bit of...

Great night. Is there anything like... Is there anything going on in the bedroom where all of a's great. Is there a bit of... Great night. Is there anything like... Is there anything going on in the bedroom where all of a sudden the partner's doing a bit of... Officer, I'll do whatever you say. Is there some of that stuff going on? Yeah, I mean... Yeah, it's kind of...

It's a bit of a depressing role-playing scenario in that, you know, it's like you've lived with it your whole life. It's arguably not even role-playing. Is yeah and is it all well it's you know what i'm saying is it's titillating for the partner that they haven't you know it's your own name's not supposed to turn you on it's for the other person this is it's exactly no but also you're meant to get into the right you know it's like say she's pretending to be a cop yeah it's like she's meant to be like oh this is like a you know this is a fun like different i'm inhabiting like a different skin but it's like no i've lived as an officer for my entire life this is no different to me right and plus maybe the partner is probably a bit you

know instead of being intimidated having that sexy intimidation of an officer it's like yeah but then you got the fucking banana ice cream up top of the name. Exactly. So there's no respect there. I can't, yeah. I'm not scared of you. Officer Banana Ice Cream? Yeah. Yeah, nah. Nah.

What an intriguing name. Thanks, Kirsty, officer. Thanks, Kirsty. All right, one more. We've got to go. We've got shit to do. I mean, you do. I mean, I'm not allowed home.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So I have to walk the streets for a while. Okay. One more to go. Let's just hit the big red button one more time. Let's do the the big red button one more time let's

do the fifth one this week okay uh okay thank you very much to patreon subscriber cookie dough ice cream comedy cookie dough ice cream comedy yeah so it sounded for a minute there like the full name no no no you sort of stopped talking no a minute, which led me to believe that you thought the name was Cookie Dough Ice Cream. No, no, no. Which is a funny name. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it wasn't. But it wasn't that.

It got sensible at the end when I read the surname, which is comedy. Oh, right. Because it sounded like the surname was on a separate page or something bizarre like that. No, no, no, nothing like that. Okay. No, I'm not saying it was.

No. I'm just saying that's what it sounded like to me. And maybe some of the listeners do. I'm not saying it was no i'm just saying that's what it sounded like to me and maybe some of the listeners i'm not saying it was either i'm sure i don't know what you heard but all i can do is read out what i see here on the computer sure sure yeah and all i can do is react to what i've heard but um yeah i'm getting boysenberry from this okay really i don't see that i've i'm getting more a, like a, what would you call it? Like a coffee. Almost like a coffee sort of taste.

Okay. Yeah. Out of, yeah, I don't know. That's what I'm tasting. Okay. I don't know. We split here. It's just, it's so wildly unpredictable, this name, this first name.

Yeah. That we're like, it's just giving us two different feelings. Well, you know, it's entirely plausible that we have the same gift, but it works in different ways. You know, I don't know why all of a sudden there was a rule that we had to find a common ground that we could agree on. That's completely artificial. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, no, it just magically happened. But here's where we part. Here's where we part ways. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Here's where our palates. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Here's where our palates part ways. All right. Well, thanks, Cookie Dough Ice Cream.

Comedy. And thanks, everyone who subscribes to the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Patreon.com slash Little Dumb Dumb Club. Get yourself two bonus episodes every week. By the way, I don't know if I explained why there was such a pause there. Oh, yeah. Right. Sorry.

I realized you're not looking at the computer. Right. You ate the name too fast and got brain freeze. No, no. The last name's hyphenated. Oh, right. It's ice cream comedy. But there's like a bunch of hyphens. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's like six hyphens in a row. I like that. I really quite like that. Sorry, I was just trying to be true to what was written. Weird that you brought that up now instead of when I first commented on it. Sorry, I just realised that this isn't a double-sided UTA. Right. I thought you were seeing the same thing I saw.

Right, right, right. Sorry, now I realise. That's an honest mistake. I've never looked around the back of this thing, to be honest. So now I realise. All right. Well, yeah, littledunumclub.com for links to the tickets to the live shows that we have coming up. Love to see you there.

And the solo shows. And the solo shows. And Adelaide. All of it's going on. And the burger place. Now, look, we've got to bring this into the you know what

we've got to bring this this burger joint into the main feed into the real episodes just to make sure that any of these sneaky little buggers that don't happen to be

listening to Talking Dumb know what's going on well you know if there's time after we've played my fun game for a few rounds maybe we can bring it up

on the next episode if the fun game is guess what I'm adding to our new burger joint you know couldn't the fun game is guess what i'm adding to the new burger joint um you know couldn't come up in that yeah all right thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time