The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 540 - Glenn Robbins & Sam Pang

Episode Date: February 2, 2021

Two of Australia's most likeable comedians SAM PANG and GLENN ROBBINS join us this week! Glenn's been recognised outside The Masturbatorium and Sam's been advised not to come on the show by his sister. Tommy debuts a hot new game show - will Sam and Glenn agree to pitch it to the big networks? PLUS Chando's had a massage and we try to convince Sam that our pop-up burger restaurant is a good idea. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Glenn Robbins and Sam Pang. We have a few live dates coming up. Perth, Sunday, February the 28th is the new date for that show at the Rosemount Hotel. Then the following week we are in Adelaide, Saturday, March the 6th. Both very, very close to being sold out. Yep, and then later on in the month, we start our four Melbourne live podcasts that are on Saturday afternoons at the European Beer Cafe,

27th of March, 3rd of April, 10th of April, 17th of April. We've just put some more tickets on sale. We thought we were all sold out. We are now allowed to have a few more on sale. So get on to that. And, of course, in that time in Melbourne, we're each doing a solo show. Our new Hour of Comedy. And by that, I mean the Hour of Comedy we were going to do last year, but made a little

bit better. Yep. It's old is new again. My show, Please Call Me Carl, Mr. Comedy Was My Father, that's on at the Imperial Hotel. Check the dates. I think it's from the 5th of April onwards for a week or two. Yeah. Check with the person that runs the venue.

They might be able to tell you. My show, Tommy Dasolo Meatball, starts March the 30th. It's on for six nights at 7.30 at the Cooper's Inn. Tickets and links to all this kind of stuff, littledumbdumbclub.com. We will talk to you more at the end of this episode. But until then, enjoy this bumper ep with Glenn Robbins and Sam Payne. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week.

Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. And with me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Two very special guests today. Please welcome back onto the podcast, Glenn Robbins and Sam Pang. Two of Australia's absolute most popular comedians. Yeah, that's right.

And they're doing a podcast with Glenn and Sam. Bang. They have those surveys where it's like, who do you love the most? It's always like Hugh Jackman or whatever. I reckon you two would be... There used to be a thing called a Q something score. Yes. Yeah.

Yeah, the most likeable ones and then they'd have the least liked ones. Yeah, there's well known. Red Simons, boo. Yeah, but there's known and likeable ones And then they'd have the least liked ones There's well known Red Simons Boo But there's known and likeable Yes And advertisers would use that chart Yes

To be able to get a score So you're both So you'd have a high Q thing would you Oh look I'm not I would say yes I'll say you know the exact number You know who Guess who was close to number one always

Magda No Hang on Tall guy Malka Leifer Come on Tall guy Guess who was close to number one always. Magda. No. Hang on. Tall guy. Malka Leifer. Come on. Tall guy.

Legos. Oh, Hamish Blake. I never think of him as tall, but yes, you're right. Yeah. I just think of him as funny. He's very, very, very likeable. Like. Cute. Cute.

High cute. Is he the new Glenn Robbins? Would you say that? No. No. Not that good. I can't. Can I talk that good. I can't. Can I talk about me?

I can't talk about me on an object. You were saying to me that you've got him covered. You said you buy like a... I think the phrase Johnny come lately came out of your mouth, wasn't it? Bring it on, I say. Bring it on, Blake. Well, I'll say this. This is a first for the podcast.

You went and got a coffee downstairs as we were waiting, and the guy who served you chased after you down the street to get a photo. Now, that's never happened before on the pod. Someone being recognised in front of my house. No, to be honest, that has happened once before when Nick Capper got a coffee and the bug chased him out to say you didn't pay. So that was close.

It was a patronising chase. It was too. Oh, yeah. I didn't recognise you, but the girls in there said you were someone. Yes, yes. Really? Yeah, and my mate likes you. Yes.

That's good. Just when I took the picture and just when he said take the picture, he goes, yeah, yeah, my mate likes you. And then you go, hang on, you don't like me? Click. Yeah, it should be a rule. If you're going to get a photo You've got to prove like You've got some kind of content

Of the person saved on your phone Or just something to prove I do get a lot of I don't like you that much But my wife does Right No no I don't know what you're on But my wife does

I was going to say They actually start with I don't like you very much They just go Are you on something Or you're on something You're apparently on something My wife likes you.

Right. Well, she should. I've had sex with her. And then I walk off. Bang. Yeah. Anyway, thanks, Dad. I've never seen a podcast, Glen Robbins.

You know what I mean? Like a bit looser. Oh, this is long form Glen Robbins. Yeah. Yeah. Last time I bought a packet of biscuits. Last time. You did too.

What were they? Monte Carlo There was some new Arnott's thing And that got us into a big biscuit debate Which I was a big fan of the Woolworth's biscuit Choc chip, dreamy choc chip And since I've been shamed by listeners That I should have been with a Coles one And I'm absolutely on board with a Coles one now

Yeah I brought something today When you want it I'll hit the button And I've got it with me as we speak Okay Absolutely on board with the Coles one now. Yeah. Oh, I brought something today. When you want it, just put your hand up. Oh, okay. And I've got it with me as we speak. Okay. And you brought what?

An idea or a prop? It's an idea. Okay. Hang on, hang on. Don't go too early. Hold on, man. For the listeners, you've come in without a bag. So this is either pocket-sized or it's a concept.

Good point. Well, this is the first half of the show, guessing where it is at the moment on Glenn. And then we find out what it is. It's a two-part. This is the first half of the show Guessing where it is at the moment on Glenn And then we find out what it is It's a two part This is great Deceased man's wristwatch If you're listening to this at home

Or wherever you listen Public transport You're not getting off You're not tuning out Is it inserted? Hang on, hang on, hang on Let's do a little bit of something else first A prison breakout written all over it

While we're talking about Glenn being recognised out the front Whilst Sam Pang absolutely unbothered by anyone walking down the street, which is interesting. I thought the guy might want a photo with you as well. I was about to sell you out and go, what about this guy? He's on TV. If he had gone with the whole, the girls in the shop said that you're on something or my mother likes you or something like that,

I would have said, mate, if you're not a fan, we don't have to – I've got 8x10s in the car. I can just grab you one and you can just give that to your friends. Why are you involved if you're not – Yes. It's mate. Yeah. Apparently, I've only heard that you make –

people can't remember the name of the show, but you make them say that you do something with the title, don't you? Not in a mean way, but, you know, when they – and you're on that show. There's a lot of, oh, mate, I love you? Not in a mean way, but you know when they... Ian, you're on that show. There's a lot of, I love you on that show. Thanks very much. And then they go, you know... Yeah, you know.

What's the... That is good. No shit I know. Yeah, I know. I know. I'm on it. I read the checks. And obviously you're a big fan of the show.

You don't know the name of it. But... So I know what it's called. We all know what it's called. But if they don't, I'm happy to just wait and give them a go at it see this is what i mean proof verify that you're worthy of getting the photo absolutely and then it was like that's like that's sort of like click on all the boxes that have a zebra crossing in there or whatever you're not a robot yeah yeah prove you're not a robot tell me what the name of the tv show exactly so they they and

the answers are unbelievable the the oh great the attempts so the. Exactly. So they, and the answers are unbelievable. Oh, great. The attempts are. So the show is, have you been paying attention? But what do they say? What do they come up with? Well, to be fair, it's not that,

the most common one is, are you paying attention, right? Which I go, yeah, that's fine. But then, that's at the closest, that's at the closest. The other end, there was one who just said,

you know, the show, Mondays, you know, what's happening now? What's happening now? now yeah i'm going yeah i don't think that's what's happening now because what's happening now is sort of the same as are you paying attention because are you paying attention implies that it's a quiz about the show that's currently happening yes are you paying attention now in the studio while you're on the show you know what's that's a better guess for someone coming up to p Hitchener and going,

you know, I love you on that show. What's happening now? You mean the news. That's a better name for the 16 News Bulletin. That's more like what happened earlier today. What's happened earlier today? Oh, no, there's updates. Sometimes updates.

But that's the bulletin. That's the bulletin is what's happening now. You know those news updates? I always want to know if the news readers do stick around till 8.30, 9 o'clock for that update. But they pre-record and don't. Right, yeah. That's shattering me about the news.

They should have to stay. Yeah, yeah. When they go. On call. When they go, and here's Lavinia with the weather at 20 past 6, and she gives you what happened today, but coming up later on, what's coming tomorrow, you go, it's not fucking Christmas.

You can tell me now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's okay. We're not going to turn off. We're going, we've got the weather. Turn it off now. We've got all the information we need. It's done.

Turn it off. No, we've got to stick around. My parents frequently come around. There's some sun involved. Might be a bit of moisture. Don't want to give too much away If I'm around my parents And it's getting close to six

They get frantic The news has to go on They have to watch the news And it's purely Because it's like Because we've got to see the weather We've got to know What the weather's going to be tomorrow

So we've got to We've got to have the TV on at six And you're the weatherman Sitting right there Can go bang Got it for you right now Exactly Because I'm from a time

And you are too When the TV was the only box that talked. Yeah, my parents were obsessed. There was plenty of episodes of sitcoms I didn't get to watch because Dad watched three news in a row. Oh, my God. Just in case something else happened. Starting at six?

I think there might have been. Probably the local earlier, right? Yeah. The local at 6.30? There was a local, the BTV6 news. Then you'd get the 6.30 Channel 7 news or whatever, and then the ABC news would be 7 o'clock. Jeez, you and your dad really put in a shift, didn't you?

Yeah, yeah. And for stuff that absolutely did not concern him as a guy that ran a fucking milk bar in Meribah. Yeah, but different flavours too. The 5.31, you're getting a cow walking down Main Street. Yes. Then the 6pm, you're getting like a fire in Melbourne perhaps and then the 7pm ABC you're getting like the Arab Spring or something like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, a bit of Czech Republic sort of stuff. Can I be a sad old man just for a moment? The amount of things that qualify as news that aren't news. Like last night I was watching a man nearly got hit. Did you see where he nearly got hit by a bus? And he didn't? Right. Yeah.

Well, he didn't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you're right. But he didn't. And a man, where's the news there? Yeah. I've worked on stuff before

where I would pitch something like that and people would go, no, no, no. Your pitch there is nothing happened. Yeah. You're saying something nearly happened but it didn't happen. Come back to me

when someone's fucking dead. Yeah. When someone's dead, then it makes it, it should be a line on the whiteboard. Yeah, yeah're saying something nearly happened but it didn't happen. Come back to me when someone's fucking dead. Yeah, when someone's dead then it makes it... It should be a line on the whiteboard. Yeah, yeah. Dead, not dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If we've got enough deads

then we need the non-deads. You're saying the news shouldn't have filler stories? Yeah, yeah. They should be able to round it out? Don't say it should be only death on the news. But why does it go for exactly half an hour every night?

Exactly. It just should go for as long as it needs to go for. Turn on tonight, the news is five minutes. Great. We're done. Not a lot today. A couple of things.

A bit of traffic build up in the northern suburbs. Besides that, pretty good day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not flailing around. I've got news for you too, Tommy. There's not half an hour. Six o'clock news goes till seven. Well, yeah, but it being the exact same length of time every night is absurd.

Nine and seven go, absolutely. It's an hour. Yeah, they don't have an hour in them, but that doesn't stop them.

Yeah. So you know what? Does that ever stop this podcast? It's the longest one you've done. That's fair. That's a very fair question.

We could wrap it up. There's been weeks of this where it should have gone for about 11 minutes. No, you know what? We've got to hit an hour. We have. We have wrap it up. There's been weeks of this where it should have gone for about 11 minutes. No, you know what? We've got to hit an hour. We have.

We have cut some one or two at like 40 minutes, I think. Yep, yep, yep. Especially early on when we didn't quite have the tools to deal with someone that wasn't that good. But now, it's like you guys could take a shit on the table now and we could go for another two hours. Like, who cares? We'll turn it into something. Is that your idea? Do your worst.

Is that your idea? Yeah. I've gone a little quiet. That wasn't your idea, was it? Was my idea. Is that the gift for us? Can I say this? This is what I meant to say off the back of you being recognised, Glenn, out the front

with a picture and whatever. A very similar thing happened about 15, 20 minutes before that. I went into the 7-Eleven, which was just across from the coffee shop you were in. I went to buy something and had the mask on and everything. And a bloke walked up and said, Carl, love the podcast. Wow. And I said, oh, great. You know, I even hid myself, still recognise me.

I said, oh, great. Oh, thanks for listening or whatever. And I said to him, actually, I'm about to record an episode right now just over the road because Tommy lives. And he goes, I know where Tommy lives. I think I've seen this guy on the socials. If this might be the guy who posted once and he goes, I know where Tommy lives. I think I've seen this guy on the socials. If this might be the guy

who posted once, he said, I'm doing repairs on the chair in Tommy's dentist. Oh. And I've never mentioned going to the dentist

on this podcast. Is that scary? I've never given away the location but he somehow knew. Well, this guy was directly over the road from your house and he's like, I went to point

and he goes, no, I'm aware. I know where he lives. Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah. It's time to move. So, he might be listening to us right now before it comes out. He might be listening through the...

I mean, I'm pretty secure in here. I've never been too concerned about the riffraff that listen to this. Right. Finding out the exact location of the apartment. Because as you guys have just seen, it's a bit of a fortress in here. It's a rabbit hole. It's not easy to get into. Well, I... Ben Lardon would have been happy in's a bit of a fortress in here it's not easy to get into well Bin Laden would have

been happy in here it's not I like it the size and everything or size if anything probably too many

windows for him but you know man it could be a you could put a sniper on that roof over there very easily yeah some guy wanted

to take you out let's not give this guy who listens ideas sniper point there let's not give you guy Who listens ideas Sniper point there Let's not give the addresses Of those buildings There's a red dot

On your head right now Yeah if I committed A terrorist act They would take me out Pretty quickly From in here Assuming I don't go into hiding Assuming I'm so brazen

That I'm like I think I've covered My tracks pretty well here Just going to keep Hanging out in the masturbatorium They'd be straight on my building. What's it called? The Masturbatorium. Is that known to your listeners?

Yes. Does it mean what I think it means? Yes. I'd love for you to think of a second meaning. I was going to say, any other thoughts? That's the major export out of this house. It has something to do with mathematics. I grew up watching you on TV, but yes, it's a reference to how much I jack my little dick in here.

Again, Yeah, I grew up watching you on TV, but yes, it's a reference to how much I jack my little dick in here. Again, there's plenty of visual... The blinds are going down. Where is a sniper when you need one? Yeah, there's plenty of people that could shoot you or just watch you. Yeah, that means... Well, by the way, I'm thrilled that you two got recognised today. That's great. I'm happy for you both. Well, I did, but...

Oh, no, me and Glenn, you mean. Just not the other two. Not us. And Tommy is safe. I haven't yet. Well, I did. Oh, no, me and Glenn, you mean. Just not the other two. Not us. Tommy is safe. I haven't yet. Well, I mean, you said hi to me when you saw me, Sam. So I got recognised by you. And I almost asked you for a selfie.

Yep, yep, yep. It's the same. We'll get one at the end of this. Speaking of your listeners, just an update for any time I'm on. Once again, my sister was strongly, strongly against me coming on. That's so sorry. You've said this before, that your sister listens to this show. Absolutely.

And you went on, and then she was annoyed at you. She said, you're not a good fit for that show. And don't say it. I said, thank you. And then she said... What's your sister's name? Oh, I don't know. I don't know if she'd want me to say it.

She wouldn't want me to say it. Okay. Let's go with her stripper name, Phoenix. Phoenix Pang. And she, so she loves your show

to the point where, by the way, and so I said, look, I'm going on again and you know, you get to see. Oh, you let her know before you came on?

Absolutely. Now it's like, hey, by the way, I'm going on. She doesn't get the opportunity to veto it? No. You're just telling her. No, I just, I don't know, it's like, hey, by the way, I'm going on. She doesn't get the opportunity to veto it. No. She was telling her.

No, I just, I don't know. It's funny. I just ring up to not be put at it for her to make me feel bad about going on. And then she said, oh, yeah, okay, well. And then I said, she said, who are you on with? And I said, I'm going on with Glenn. She goes, oh, good. That'll be good.

As if you're saving me. Right. Also, she did say, too, that she's signed up for your Patreon. Oh, really? Well, now we'll be able to find out what her name is. That's for sure. Well, she's a fan. But she's not going to listen to this one.

I mean, I can understand that, though. It's like you're a fan of this thing. She's close with you, obviously. Talks to you a lot. It's like, I don't need my brother infiltrating this thing that I listen to and enjoy. It's interesting hearing that Sam has a world because he's quite reclusive. He's very reclusive, yes. I would have said that you both are.

I would have said I don't know too much about either of you two. You keep your personal life very down pat. Can I say I met your brother? It's a bit late now, isn't it? What are you asking me? What are you asking me? Do we need to know fucking Sandbank's life story? He's got a brother, he's got a sister.

I've got a page of notes I want to get through as well. Your listeners know Blanket's first name yet? No. There you go. What are you talking about? Yeah, that's fair. My sister told me to say that. Oh, really?

Just have that ready to go. You're loaded up. That's my daughter, Blanket. That's her name on the podcast. Which is awesome. So you don't use a real name? That's nice. No, that's not a real name.

No, that's right. Of course, dumb question. It's a shame. It is a real shame that it's not her actual name. That's a great name. It's so good. Because I do talk about some, I feel bad sometimes when I say names of kids.

Yeah. Right. Are you a member, brother? That's fine. You're allowed to say that. Okay. I didn't want to say how, though. Because I didn't want to –

What's his stripper name? Magic Mike Pang. It's Bubbles. It's Bubbles. Mr. Bubbles. Mr. Bubbles Pang. Not Mr. Bubbles. Just Bubbles.

Oh, Bubbles. Bubbles Pang. I come from a family of strippers. What? You went to the thing. I Mr. Bubble, just Bubbles. Oh, Bubbles. I come from a family of strippers. What? You went to the thing, I think I want to be a stripper, right? Right. And you turn up and the guy goes, hey, pretty good. What's your stripper name?

Do you table the names? Do they give it to you? Yeah, right. Do they go taken? Here's the list of free ones. Yeah, yeah. Is it computer generated? is it like clowns you know

there's a Coco you're not allowed to be Coco there's not allowed to be two phoenixes or whatever yeah I watched I watched Magic Mike XXL last night

did you really yeah in the message I have that thing where it's like in the message no at the Moonlight Cinema actually

oh nice the last time was Magic Tommy and he yeah and made something appear watching a film like that At the Moonlight Cinema actually Oh nice The last time was Magic Tommy And he And Made something appear Watching a film like that About a specific thing In my head I was like

Give me six months I reckon I could do this I reckon I could get in shape And learn the moves And I reckon I'd be You could be a stripper I reckon I'd be a good stripper Six months

Listen to me now Listen to me now Yep Yep That's a TV show. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

It's called The Full Monty. Yeah. Channel 7 do it. But I think if he starts filming it now before he sold it, he starts filming it, the working out, the moves, the blah-de-blah-de-blah. What about TV show? Learning how to stock shelves in a gourmet supermarket. The Full Piamonte.

Any thoughts there? Very specific. Very, very specific. For about eight listeners out there. Anyone that lives within two blocks of the supermarket in Fitzroy, there you go, that's for you. The Full Piamonte. Naked shelf stacking of obscure like Dolmati brains.

Grease, cheeses, different cheeses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we're big fans on this podcast of games, of invented games. We talked about this on the show before. A few years ago we were at a friend's birthday drinks and we played a game that sort of just evolved organically through conversation. It took over the party.

The party was terrible because of this game. And Carl had been to Chadston that day. And he just kind of mentioned that offhand. And all of a sudden we were playing a two hour long game called What Did I Buy at Chadston? And the rules were we could ask you yes or no questions. And it honestly, yeah, it took over the night. I went for about an hour and then someone left and then two other people joined and so we played it again. Same object.

Yeah. Yeah. And the object in the end was Hillary Clinton's autobiography. So you had to guess what Carl bought. We had to guess what Carl bought at Chadston. Oh, wow. And asking yes or no questions. So once we got down to specifically you'd been at Dimmicks, then it's like, all right, we know it's a book.

So we're trying to just work. It got very exciting when we got down to that last day. You say this was started as a party. Yeah, it started as a party. It was meant to be a party. Meant to be fun. Yeah. Ended up like that.

Are we going to play that? Well, I invented a new game over the weekend. And I think this could have legs as a TV show. And so I'm hoping maybe we do a round. Right. You guys see what you think. Yep. Maybe you guys could help get it up.

One of you could even host it. I don't need to be on camera this thing. I'm just happy to be in the credits getting a paycheck. You went to High Point and you went to Sanity. Well. What did you buy?

We were on the beach on Monday when it was a hot day to start with and someone goes, oh, there's meant to be a cool change later, isn't there? And of course now you just get on the weather app and you look it up and then it turns into someone going like, oh yeah, the cool change is coming at 7pm.

Oh, it's going to be 22 tomorrow. And then it's just everyone just reading the weather app. Here we go. So here's a game that I've invented called What is the Weather? Yep. Now I get on the weather app. Yep. I read out a location. Oh. I give you the time it is right now with the time Weather? Yep. Now, I get on the weather app. Yep. I read out a location.

Oh. I give you the time it is right now with the time difference. Yep. And you have to tell me what's the weather in that place. You have to guess. Is the whole world in play or is it just in this country or what are we doing? Okay, I've got a few lined up here. They're all going to be locations that we've done live podcasts.

Oh, okay. Are we each getting different locations? No, we go around a few lined up here. They're all going to be locations that we've done live podcasts. Oh, okay. Are we each getting different locations? No, we go around and then the nearest wins. Okay, great. Okay, you ready? Just, Glenn, have your idea ready to go. I hope what you brought is a mop bucket because we're going to need it after this. Right now it's looking pretty good.

All right. Newcastle, and there's no time difference. It's currently 1 p.m. Right, Newcast looking pretty good. All right. Newcastle, and there's no time difference. It's currently 1pm. Right, Newcastle in Australia. Newcastle right now in Australia. Newcastle, New South Wales. You've got to guess what the weather is. Yeah, what degree?

What temperature? I'm looking at it right now. You tell me what temperature. I was going to say, I misspoke then because that's what my wife says when she wants to know how hot it is. She goes, what's the degrees today? She doesn't say, what's the temperature? What's the degrees?

It's specific, but then it's still not even specific enough. Yeah, yeah. Because you could be talking Celsius or Fahrenheit. 26. 26? Okay. Newcastle. Newcastle, New South Wales.

1pm. At 1pm right now. No, I would say 23 23 What do you reckon Carl? When you said 26 That really hit the spot for me It feels good

I'll go I'll go 28 28 Pang's got it It's 21 degrees Celsius In Newcastle right now In Newcastle We'll take a break

Coming up The Northern Hemisphere We'll take a break. Coming up, the Northern Hemisphere. We'll take a break and not be back afterwards. No, I like it. This is like, what is it? Australia's naughtiest home videos gets cancelled in the ad breaks. Get that shit off my network. Harry Packer said that?

Didn't Harry Packer say that? Packer called up, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I can't wait for? I can't wait to talk to my mum tonight. I talk to her nearly every day and she'll say, what did you do today? And I'll be like, I did a podcast with Glenn Robbins and Sam Pang.

She's like, I know both those guys. Those guys are great. What did you talk about? The weather. We guessed the weather. My mum will be like, don't you have something better than that? In Newcastle too. 9 p.m. currently in Montreal.

What's the temperature? Can I go first with this one? Yeah, you can. I'll go... I will go... 2. 2? I was going to say minus 11.

Minus 11. I think it's a minus. I'm going to go minus 6. Minus 6. Glenn's closest. It's minus 3. Okay. We'll do one more round.

Final round. Final round. Final round. Would it help the game if there was chat about if we had anecdotes or stuff about the city? That's the dream. Honestly, that's the dream. I've never been in Newcastle. I've never been in Montreal. So I've got nothing. Okay. Alright. You've been to either of them? No.

Been to both. Yeah. Well, now you're in. By the way, funny thing about Montreal. What about this? You tell me somewhere That you've got a funny anecdote about We'll do a round of the game And then we get the anecdote Right

What about the weather I want to know the weather You have pre-chat Pre-chat Oh we do a pre-interview of course You do a pre-interview Which then I think it's good

It's got legs I think it's got legs Right Final round Well hang on I'm trying to think of a Newcastle Or a Montreal story pre-interview which then I think it's good it's got legs I think it's got legs final round well hang on I'm trying to think of a Newcastle or a Montreal story well they've been

on the pod because these are places that we've done live pod how was the live pod in Newcastle great great

it was good fantastic did a big run before it and ran straight onto the stage in his running gear did a 5k fun run

thing and then ran directly onto the stage did a few it was like a plane. I was doing laps waiting to be allowed to land on the tarmac because I was waiting for Tommy to set up. So I'm running, bringing him going,

is this fucking ready to go or what? That's good. That's good. I like it. One more, Tommy. One more round. One more round. Okay, here we go.

All right, we'll get it right this time. You do this and then we'll have a story off the back of wherever this location is. Okay, okay. So anything goes. Yeah. I mean, no, just the back of wherever this location is. Okay, okay. All right. So anything goes? Yeah. I mean, no, just because you're on topic is enough. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. All right, here we go. Okay, it's currently 9 a.m. in this place. All right, yeah. What is the temperature? Hang on, 9 a.m. Hang on, what's the time now?

So, all right. It's 1 p.m. here. It's 9 a.m. in this location. Yeah. What is the time currently, sorry, what is the weather currently in Koh Samui? I thought this was coming. Yep. I've never been to Koh Samui. Oh, haven't you?

I've been a couple of times. Sorry, I mean a couple of dozen times. That's where we had our podcast festival, three years. So, I wish I had one funny story out of that island. 31. 31? 33. 33.

I'll go 28. 28. Carl's got it. It's 26 degrees. I couldn't have got that one. Just to prove that I'm enjoying this game. It's like it's a tiebreaker. We've each won one.

Oh, yes. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great call. Great call. Well, can I say this? Can I do a bit of colour off the back of this? Okay.

Here we go. I've got something for this. God, this has legs. This honestly. Got a bit of colour. Hold on a sec. Yeah, yeah. Are you going to curse the movie story yes oh good um very recently uh as in this week i have started getting massages again i've gone you know what i'm back in i'm gonna do get massages because i

was always a bit like i don't i didn't like getting massages here because you know they're like 70 80 dollars or something like that. I liked making the most. Carl, the censors are in the earpiece and I think we've got to bin this story because I don't like the direction it's going in. Oh, yeah, sorry. We'll get back to guessing numbers. We're doing a TV show. You're talking about getting a Thai massage.

I don't like where this is looking like it's going to end up. We're on a 7 p.m. time slot here. I feel very bad for the country of Thailand because as soon as you say Thailand, people's ears go up and they go oh something dodgy or whatever. It's not all dodgy stuff. You can get

they do a good massage. You're allowed to be relaxed. You're allowed to have the tension taken out of your shoulders. It's not a dirty thing to be a little bit more less stressed.

Okay? Absolutely. Who's not pro massage? So I got jerked off of this place and no, no, no, no, no. So I went to a place the other day, not very close to here actually. Yep, yep.

And it looked very reputable so I went in there and the girl started talking to me, which I'm not a big fan of when you're being massaged because you just want to hear that weird music that just clearly ripped off of YouTube. The ambient. Yeah, the ambient. A little bit of wind chimes in there,

something like that. Pan flute. Yes, a bit of that stuff. And quite often it's like a pan flute version of Cats in the Cradle or Won't You Be My Neighbour by Ugly Kid Joe or something extremely inappropriate, but they've just got the pan pipe version of it. So she starts talking in the middle of it,

but she was very weird. She goes, in the middle of it, but she was very weird. She goes, in the middle of this massage, she just goes. Please put your dick away. No, no, no, no. I was resting on my front, so that couldn't have happened. Right, right, right. She says, are you a vegetarian? And I go, no.

Why? And she goes, no. Why? And she goes, ah, no reason. Just talking. Just making small talk. Yeah. Okay. And then five minutes later, have you ever been in a car crash? No.

Why? Oh, no. Just asking. Just thought I'd ask. Like two very odd questions just to pull out of the blue. Half an hour into a massage. Has she got a deck of those conversations that people were buying in lockdown? Because they're just like worn through everything with the housemates.

Question three. Five minutes later, question three. Oh, my God. Do you believe in COVID? Oh, nice. No, I've actually got more tense, actually, in the part where I do this massage than getting less tense. Tell me her fourth one was,

it's one o'clock, what's the weather in Newcastle? What do you think the weather is in Newcastle? She says, do you believe in COVID? And I actually look around at that point, no mask on. Like, here we go. I'm about to have some sort of anti-mask talk with a Thai lady that's supposed to be making me more relaxed. Absolutely not.

It's had her hands all over you. Yes. Yeah. And had plenty of other customers through the door. Yep. Not going to be back there, wouldn't have thought. No. Also, not a great massage.

So, yeah, that's the killer thing. Kosa Mui, is that mainland or is that an island? It's a south island A south island Yeah, yeah, yeah Well, I think this happened in that part of the world A friend was in one of those places where you go And there's a number of stalls where you have massages

And he went in and he was getting And it had all gone quiet And everyone was getting their massage And I think he suspected it was one of those places. Anyway, around about halfway through the time, he hears an Australian accent about four cubicles up go, $30? No way.

I'll do it myself. That's great. Jacking off and just thinking Oh save 30 bucks How good is this 30 bucks No way I'm saving for a house

I'm not doing that That's dead money Under 10 I'll do it But not for 30 So how's it Look Now that you've brought that up

I'll say this Now I've been Like I said I've been to Thailand For years and years And I've been to You know Many many trips over there Got many many massages never never copped the

question never i'm very naive in that way like uh i wouldn't have even thought of that sort of stuff going on in a in a massage place i mean you would have absolutely accidentally been into one that does it and the idea that they take one look at you and go there is no way well maybe not today i am touching whatever's down there maybe maybe but i would i was always thinking my rules in thailand is like if there's girls at the front of a massage parlor and they're saying hey come in it's like okay well i know what's going on here yeah but if they've got the uniform on and they're in the main street then you're fine that's that's what I always thought. So I, dozens of massages, whatever, all fine, no problem at all. Recently, I walked into a place, and they had a big sign out the front. They said, massages only.

Please do not ask for any other sort of thing happening. Like wash your car or do your eye. Yeah, exactly. Sick of that happening for $30. Come back and do my eye. I can wash it myself. Do you guys do tax in here as well

so you know literally some people probably walk in and go can I get a green curry no we share nothing else I need a stat deck sign can you be a witness

so I walk in they've got the big sign out the front which I was I sort of thought I don't think I've seen that before like a really big sign

going dude we're sick of being asked this. We do not do this. Go in. Start getting the massage. Start getting a terrible massage. Start getting one of those ones where I get very annoyed. You get five minutes into a massage and you go, she's not going to get better.

She's not going to learn how to massage. I'm stuck here for 55 minutes getting a terrible massage and getting mad about it because I know I've spent the money. I'm going to be bored. Not a good dollar, though. It's getting a terrible massage. And getting mad about it because I know I've spent the money. I'm going to be bored. Not a big dollars, though. It's not a lot. Well, look, for someone with comedy company dollars, for sure. What was that, eight bucks?

It'd be under $10. Over there. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But here. But this is here. This is here. Oh, I see.

I apologise. I apologise. This is here. No, no. No. It's the same response from you. $170 for Twitter. Sorry.

Probably got that in there. No, that's annoying, mate. For 55. Why don't you just walk? So, no, well, I just... Also, I'm feeling like I don't want to get up and go, you don't know what you're doing. This is your livelihood.

This is your career. And you're totally shit yourself. You don't want to say that to someone. I don't want to... Yes, yes. Well shit. You don't want to say that to someone. Yes, yes. Well. If you don't want to say it. Yeah.

Yeah. You would warn people. In comedy I would do it, but not in, I have a bit of respect for the Southeast Asian arts. I have a lot of respect for that. So I'm getting this terrible massage. I'm getting, I'm fuming. I'm privately fuming. Classic me.

I'm keeping it to myself. And then I get about half an hour in. I'm getting this terrible massage. I'm getting, I'm fuming. I'm privately fuming. Classic me. I'm keeping it to myself. And then I get about half an hour in. I'm getting my ears out. I get about half an hour in and I'm like, oh, I'm starting to get a few too many touches a bit close to home. Oh, okay. Downstairs. All of a sudden I'm going, oh, this is it.

I'm getting my first offer, I guess, or whatever it is. Solicitation. Solicitation, exactly. Or you're thinking, she's that bad at massage, she's trying to massage my shoulders and she's missing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How bad is it? Yeah, yeah.

Or she legitimately thinks my balls look tense. Yeah. You're way off, hun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or she legitimately thinks my balls look tense. Yeah. You're way off, hun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're terrible at this. So then that's happening. And then I'm going, hang on a minute.

And then she just flat out asks and goes, oh, this is, do you want this? And I'm like, yeah. It. Yeah, it. Yeah. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. Like she's on Seinfeld. Yeah. Got to dance around it.

Can't say the actual term. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. Like she's on Seinfeld. Yeah. You've got to dance around it. Can't say the actual terms. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. And I'm thinking, why has she done this? Because I've got my wedding ring on. And I think, oh, of course, like, I guess guys all the time, that's not going to stop them. That's what happens or whatever.

But she's like, oh, no, you don't want this. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. I don't want that at all. And I'm thinking. I like that you think the only reason to not want to get jacked off at a massage parlor is being married. Well, the only reason anyone would turn it down. I like that you think the only reason to not want to get jacked off at a massage parlor is being married. Well, the only reason anyone would turn it down. I don't know.

I mean, isn't that what it's for? You wear your ring so the girls don't want you to, you know, don't want to. I thought you wore your ring as a symbol of the love and relationship. Whichever one it is, I forgot to wear it today. Exactly. You don't have it on. This is feeling a lot like 3OW Talkback to me.

Oh, really? Yeah, because I work at 3OW and this is a great topic, I think. Give us a call now. Right. What are the telltale signs? Right, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, right. How do you know? But that's the thing.

The majority that they give out, I think, would be men with wedding rings on. Right. At a guess, I would imagine. But they wouldn't be – either way, it wouldn't matter. Not that I've done it Yeah right Well not you've got a ring on either I don't think it matters either way

This is going to go through the procedure And then I imagine they go through the menu Yeah Well So I go I've got the ring In the menu What is it

It's a degustation massage Is it I would imagine there is Everyone's gone silent No no no It's fair It's fair I'm thinking of it now I gave imagine there is no no no it's fair it's fair I'm thinking of it now I just

I gave it the flat out no but I don't know what the options are why are you winking at me because I'm

waiting for your menu to come out so then but then I'm going back and I'm thinking what happened with the big sign Out the front

They put the sign out the front Don't ask us Stop asking us You know what the sign is The sign is open That's the telltale sign That's what I thought as well Exactly

Sorry the neon Once you get the LCD LED thing Completely agree That's the telltale sign Once you got that Now this Didn't have it. Okay.

This had like a pulled down banner or whatever. So I'm like, this is fine. You know, this is okay. Because the next thing is, again, and you won't believe this, but once she offers, it's like I feel like I'm being really impolite by not taking her up on it. I'm going, this is really rude. I have been offered once and you're right.

It is a weird situation to then be in. The way I got asked was the, did you want, and then the act out of the motion. I didn't get a word or I didn't get it. I got the full act out. She probably thinks this guy's so fucking dumb that I need to really just explain what I mean. And just going, oh, nah, I'm right, thanks.

And then you feel like going back to the massage, there's a bit of, it feels like there's a bit of hostility there. Well, also, so this is what happened. Like about a week or two before this, I'd gotten a massage, and the girl, this is like middle of the day, and the girl had gone, oh, we need to do this, and just pulled the jocks off, going, oh, I need to do the full body massage. And I'm like, and it's that position where you go,

oh, I don't want to offend you by saying whatever. You know what you're doing. And the massage was absolutely fine, above board, everything like that. So I'm like, oh, this is fine. So then this one left the jobs on. I'm so wound up to someone who's getting like three massages a week. That's why I'm getting them. I don't think it's working.

I don't think it's working. That's right. You need to masturbate a lot more to relieve. Take a lift out of your book train. Move in here for a bit. Treat yourself. So then I go no. I go no.

And so then the last half hour of it is just sort of this weird sort of tense thing. And also she was already giving me a terrible massage before that. And now she's somehow putting in even less effort. Now it's gotten worse. Yeah, right. Now she's like a scorned lover. Just going, oh, I won't bother putting in much effort now. It's like you're putting very little beforehand.

Wow. Yeah. This really is 3AW talk. I think Dennis Walter did this the other night. I think he did. A late one. All right. Time for our tie-breaker round.

Right, right, right. What's it? That's right. We're 1-1 Tie break around So Pang if you've Have you got Have you got an anecdote

About a place in the world And we can make that the round So this is a production meeting No I'm on air This is the ad break Look when it's on TV This would have happened This would have been done

Before the show This show This has never happened That we've needed a tie break On the What's the weather What's the weather Have you played What's the Weather? What's the Weather.

Have you played What's the... Oh, no. No, no, no. This is the tie-break, so we're closing in production for 10 minutes while we figure out what the tie-break is, I assume. Off the top of your head, should it be a location that you've got to rip around? You want to call your sister if you want and ask her.

This is on the pilot filming of Have You Been Paying attention to the barometer? Yes. Spin-off. It's a spin-off. I've got one for barley. Okay. All right, maybe we do that.

We just did Koh Samui. Maybe that's fitting. Thank Christ. It feels like an anecdotal jukebox over there. We just put the money in and press the number and the letter and you can just wheel one out. Is it going to be a very similar anecdote to my co-sameelie one with a very different sexual?

With a happy ending maybe? Can I just quickly go back to, because I realise I didn't really contribute much to the massage stuff. Sure. Can I throw, I've been thinking about this a long time and I wanted to, if I want to pass you three, you know when you get a massage, you go into the room together and they have a quick thought,

is there any particular part? You go, no, no, all over, body, whatever. Yep. And then, okay, just strip down to your boxes and then they leave. Yes, yep. Doesn't feel any real need to leave. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can quickly just get into my boxes and I can take my top off.

I'm not embarrassed by my jeans coming off. You're going to be touching all this anyway pretty soon. You don't need to leave the room. Get down to what? You're going to see me in any way. Yeah. I did one the other day. No, good point.

It's never occurred to me, but you make a good point. Don't leave the room. It's just you're wasting time. I think I'm on the clock here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did one weeks ago where they go, I'm just going to go and get some oil. Could have done that before.

Yeah, wouldn't that be in the room the whole time? And then, honestly, she was gone ten minutes. I'm like, how hard was it to find oil in a massage bowl? I'm telling you. It's a rort. Crazy. It's stealing time. Starting a comedy show by getting onto the stage and going,

sorry, guys, I'm just going to go get the microphone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Plug it in and set it up and sound check. We need to turn the lights on. Talk amongst yourselves for the first six minutes of this show while I work this out. Knee surgery. Okay, I'm going to... Where are the scalpels?

We'll put you under and then we'll sterilise. Do we really want to do a tiebreaker? I don't know. No, we'll do a tiebreaker. Bali is a good one. Bali is good. Currently, it's 10am tiebreaker. Bali. Bali's a good one. Bali's good. Currently, it's 10 a.m. What is the temperature?

In what city? Bali. Come on. Well, it's just... It's not Bali City, the capital? Yeah. No, there's got to be a city. What's the town?

What's the main one? I've never been. Is it Kuta? Yes. I'll go with Kuta. Kuta. Yeah, that's where the Aussies go. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Kuta. 10 a.m. 10 a.. Kuda. 10 a.m. 10 a.m. It's 10 a.m. I would say... It's always...

Yeah, yeah. I would say it couldn't be too different to Kosa. I'm going to go with 25. 25? No, 26. 26. What are you going? It's always around 32.

32? At 10 in the morning? Yeah. That's risen pretty quickly, I reckon. I'll go 28 then. 28. Payne's got it. It's 29 degrees Celsius.

There you go. There you go. Because you got 29. You guys, Glenn and Carl, you were both three off in different directions. So if Payne hadn't gotten it, guess what? He would have had to have another tiebreaker. Very good point. That's another big story.

Guess what? That didn't happen. So that's not a new story. I think it. Very good point. That's another big story. Guess what? That didn't happen. So that's not a new story. I think it's a good idea. You're the winner of the inaugural round of What's the Weather? Wow. Oh, well, I had something happen in Bali. Oh, yeah, great.

Do you close the show there? No, so the plane gets like a golf thermometer to celebrate. We should have gone to the score check after my story. Oh, yeah, good point, good point. But now we go with the story. Okay, so. Oh, yeah, good point, good point. Yeah. But now we go with the... Oh, okay, so I was... Yeah, we'll edit this around. I was on a surfing trip in Bali on an island called...

What was it called? Or whatever it was called. And it was off the main island. I got Bali-Bali over there, a really bad version of Bali-Bali, which meant that I had to drive across the island to get back to Bali to get home. I had to drive across the island to get back to Bali to get home. I had to drive across the island for about an hour to get to the aeroplane and then got

an aeroplane and my stomach is not good. Sumba. Sumba was the name of the island. So I drive across and I said to the driver, bit of trouble? He goes, yeah, happens all the time. I go, I get it. And then I had to try to go, because the toilets over there on the island of Sumba, especially in the petrol stations, let's be honest, not great.

No. Petrol stations anywhere, let alone. Yeah, but anywhere, let alone in Bali. Go there. It takes a little bit of medication to get me there. Then I go back to Bali. By the way, I just love the idea of someone vacationing overseas and going to a petrol station in Bali

and seeing Glenn Robbins shit his pants. But anyway. Stick around. Come with me, my friend. So I make it back to Bali and then I'm there for a couple of days. It's bad for a couple of days. No, it's okay. I manage not to get into trouble.

Fly back to Australia and I'm shooting a matter of only a couple of streets of St Martin's Theatre. Is that close here to here? St Martin's Theatre. I'd prefer not to say. Oh, of course. I was shooting a pilot there. You could shoot from St Martin's Theatre into this house, I believe.

And I had to go for lunch. No, I went for lunch during a break and I started to not feel well. And I said, you know what? Before we go and shoot it, I'm just going to take a little break and go for a walk because I don't feel great because I've got a bit of belly. I step out of the restaurant. I get halfway across the main road. Someone toots their horn and I shit my pants.

Point being. The brown sound. I've come all that way. From a little island, across an island, on an aeroplane, in Bali, on another aeroplane, and one little toot into main road and I shit my pants. That's all it takes. That should have been confiscated in custom, surely. It shouldn't have got to Australia. What was the pilot? What was the what?

You were shooting a pilot. What was the pilot? Good question. Someone's got to ask him on this show. I'll tell you that. Is this a new game show? What's the pilot? Do you remember?

What's the temperature in your pants? I think I do remember. I don't want to say it. What? There we go. There we go. Fair enough. It was actually the name,

the show was named after your brother and sister so that's why you can't say it. What was your plan getting us here today? Was there an actual, what are you going to, yeah.

We've done 530 of these. There's no plan that we get our friends in. No special plan. No, no, no. People we think are good and funny and we find it together. We bring little ideas. You know what, that's a. No, no, no. People we think are good and funny and be funny together.

We bring a little idea. You know what? That's a good question because some people, when we have guests on, they go, oh, you didn't let them talk or you didn't let them give their life story. It's like, they don't want to tell their fucking life story. Pang doesn't want to say what his sister's name is and she likes this show. They don't want to give anything up. We just generally have to go, oh, one time I fell down the dunny and then we let them

talk about it for an hour. Why us together? Because we like to get people together that get along together. I thought, well, you guys all – We have trouble together. Yeah, yeah. We've been places together. Yeah, so you put in some thought.

Yeah, that's all. But yeah, that's the one thought I have. The thought ends there and then it's like, oh, I'll read off an app on the phone. I like – I enjoy seeing both. It's good to like – I enjoy catching up. It's nice to see you both. It's therapy. Put it this way.

With you, Sam, I've asked you a lot of times to be on this, and it's very hard to get you to confirm to be on here because you're a very busy man. It's not because I don't like coming on. Don't upset me. Don't turn on me. You're Australia's second most popular comedian after Glenn Robbins, just in front of Hamish Blake.

But the last time i nearly got you to be on was about three or four months ago and i was harassing you and you're like oh maybe there's maybe a yes coming up there's a soft soft pencil you know maybe and then you rang me up and you said i'm really sorry i can't do it i simply don't have the time to do come do your hour-long podcast then you proceeded to talk at me over the phone for 45 minutes. He said, we could have done it. I enjoyed talking to you. Yeah, it was fun.

It was a good conversation. But at the end, I was like, we could have recorded this. This would have been a good episode. I'm glad you enjoyed the conversation. Don't rank our phone conversations. Right, right. Sorry. Yeah, well, we could have done it then.

But Tommy wasn't available. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just get me on the third line on the phone. Right. Patch me in. Yeah. I'll do that any time. I'll hit record on my end. Oh, nice, sorry. Yeah, well, we could have done it then, but Tommy wasn't available. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just get me on the third line on the phone. Right. Patch me in. Yeah. I'll hit record on my end. Oh, nice to hear you leave Glenn out like that.

I'm doing a teaser for my segment. Oh, right, right. I'm doing a teaser. This is just a teaser. You can tell the listeners what I'm doing. Okay. All right. Glenn is...

Oh, he's taking off his jumper. He's showing us a bit of midriff. And he's got... Jumper's off. He's got a t-shirt underneath. And just a t-shirt left. That's it. Okay.

All right. All right. That's right, because the thing you brought along is somewhere on your purse. Yes. I'm just adjusting my dress. Yep. Yeah, it is. Yeah.

I think there's a treasure map tattooed on your back. That's what I think. Look, I'll just say this. What's that story about the guy who works at the factory or whatever, and every day he walks out with a wheelbarrow with a coat over it and the guard says, Hey, I'm going to lift up that coat and find out to see if you're stealing anything. This is not a joke.

This is like a story of life. And he walks out. He does it every day. It turns out he's not stealing everything. He's stealing wheelbarrows. Oh. So you put the coat over it. Wow.

Well, fuck that. That's good. That's good. And what's the weather while this is happening? This is the point. Yeah, yeah. This is the point. You stick that in Oslo and we've got a show.

So I'm giving you a hint as to what it might be about that I've brought. Right. Great. Yes. Okay. All right. Well, I've got a little thing in between. So this will be before your segment.

Oh, no. I'm just giving you a little. Yeah. This is like the living here doing the weather. Yeah. I'm not going to tell you what the temperature is going to be. But what I'm saying is you can't give me a bit of sizzle and then one second later go into it.

I've got to put something in there. Yeah, yeah into it. I've got to put something in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got to put something in there. This is showbiz. We've never so formally scheduled the show while we're doing this show. Yeah. Showbiz. Any old business.

There's got to be a genuine narrative arc to this. Yeah. Beautiful to watch. Very exciting. It's beautiful to watch. We've never done the minutes of the show during the show before, have we? Yeah. All right.

So this is our next little thing that we've been gussying up in the last week, right? So a couple of weeks ago, I did a thing. I don't know if you've seen these things before where there's pop-up burger places. Now, I got stuck into them online. People would be going, oh, watch out for this big pop-up burger place we're going to do this Saturday. And they look like delicious burgers. I'm like, you know what? This is going to be my adventure for the weekend.

I'm going to follow wherever this guy is going to make burgers. He's like, count down, 9 o'clock tonight. I'm going to let you know where it's going to appear. And it came up at 9 o'clock. They said the IGA car park out in West Meadows, which is past the airport. So I thought it was 20 minutes out there. It was not 20 minutes to go out there. It was 45, 50 minutes.

So I drove out. You know it's past the airport and you thought it was half the length of time to get to the airport. Again, I didn't think too much into it. I didn't realise. Can I just tell you, this is a B story to your stripper becoming a stripper story. So while you're doing your stripper story, he's doing the burgers. Right.

And it's an adventure every day. Yep. Right. Right. It gets better. Okay. So I go out there, delicious burgers. Great.

I am sitting on the ground in the IGA car park, though, in the middle of the day. Not good. Not great optics. So I come back. We talk about it on the podcast. I keep following the guy going, that burger was so good, maybe I'll follow it the next week.

So it comes up 9 o'clock tonight. I'm going to tell you where the new location. 9 o'clock tonight, the new location next Saturday, midday, IGA car park, West Meadows. So I follow it the next couple of weeks. Every week it's the West Meadows IGA car park. I was like, this isn't a pop-up place. You're selling burgers out of a car park.

That's what's happening. Now in the show, you nail this guy. Right. Oh, right. What do you mean nail? Call him on it. Call him on it. Right.

Okay, yeah. Well, I essentially did on the show. I was him on it. Call him on it. Right. Okay, yeah. Well, I essentially did on the show. I was saying this story. We talked about this a couple of weeks ago. Yeah. Good burgers? Excellent burgers. That's why I bothered.

You know, Trump's everything. Following it around or whatever. And I was saying at the time, Little Blanket's second birthday is coming up. You should talk to this guy and see if he'll come cater the birthday party so that you don't have to go out to the West Meadows IGA car park. Great idea.

Or hold the birthday out there. That's a good idea. It'd just be easier. Mum can get the shopping done at the same time. There must be a ballpark nearby or something. People always forget something when you go to the party. Well, the IGA is just there. Just grab that.

So I talk about it on the podcast. I complain about that. Honestly, like an hour, two hours later after the show goes up, the guy that runs the burger place hits me up and goes, I heard you were talking about me on your podcast. Some listener of this show had immediately gone to the guy. I knew the guy already. They're talking about you.

Yeah. Yeah. Because also, isn't he like, I looked him up on Instagram, his personal account, not just the business account. He's like a bodybuilder Or something on the side He's a massive unit So it's like you go Heard you've been talking

About me on the podcast You're like fuck Here we go He's a big boy Yeah So he'd be in the burgers Next week Yeah yeah

So he hits me up Immediately He's like oh thanks for the plug It's like I didn't mention Your business name But anyway Leon's Smash Burgers Is what it is

Anyway he goes He's got you He's got you running He's got you terrified yeah yeah yeah he just did a live read for you doing a live read

for him during the podcast I'll get on this thing and just hang shit on idiots and be like oh that's the end of it and then it gets to the end of the show

I'm like oh fuck that's right there's real world consequences to things you say and I forget about that so I'm like fucking this guy's going to bash me

and I'm not going to be able to have a burger at this place anymore well I mean if I'm on the way to the airport, that is. See, now I know how accessible this apartment is to snipers. I'm going to be thinking twice about what I say. Yeah, but the good thing is he is very happy about it

and goes, I want to work with you. I want to do something with you. So then I start thinking, what can we do? So we've organized it. What's going to happen is we do? So we've organized it. What's going to happen is we do during, like in April, we do those live shows. We do live shows in Melbourne. What we're going to do is we're going to do the first live show of the season in March 27 or something like that.

We'll do the show, finish the show. We go up the block to Spleen Bar. I've talked to the guys at Spleen. They're going to let us transform Spleen into a pop-up burger joint. He's Leon Smashburgers. He's going to be operating out the back. We're going to basically hire him for the day. We're going to turn it into a Dum Dum Club themed Dum Dum Burger,

I assume we'll call it, or something like that. It's the little Dum Dum Club presents Carl Chandler's Leon Smashburger. Yeah. I would go with Dum Dum Burger, but whatever. Put the logo out the front of the shop, have our own menu inside, have this guy making the burgers out the back. We're going to have our own pop-up fast food restaurant for one day.

What's the suggestions from you guys? Not for a start. Your little friend that didn't know how to give the massage. Get her involved. She's a waitress. Get her involved. Right. Because she's clearly no good at what she does normally. You fill yourself up with burgers, you get a little massage on the gut,

help the digestion, help work the food through. And she could, well, maybe she wouldn't follow through. Is that what you're saying? She's got to do what she does best. Yeah, yeah. Well, I don't know. I was thinking maybe... We could have a sign up the front.

Yeah. Stop asking us for burgers. We don't have burgers in here, guys. Oh, yeah. Will the burger sign be in neon? That's the big giveaway. Yeah. So what are you asking?

If it's buzzing, if there's a buzzing sign, you're definitely going to buy a cum burger in there. That's what's going to happen. Are you asking us it's buzzing If there's a buzzing sign You're definitely going to buy A cum burger in there That's what's going to happen Are you asking us for ideas For that Yes Isn't it all sorted

No but I'm saying It's rule three Is that what you're saying You've got one Two You've got you Show But burgers two

You need that third thing To wrap it all up Even though Even little things like What do you like I asked I asked your friend, Dave O'Neill,

friend of the show. He said, Glenn loves a burger. Loves burgers. Yeah, I do. Yeah, so. Is that a bad thing? No, not at all.

Hey, we're in the market for people like you. As we call it, it's a one-handed food. Yeah. Oh, right. Okay, I didn't know. Because you know why sandwiches were invented? So maybe my masseuse could eat one

while she was doing her job. Sandwiches were invented so you could keep on doing something, you could keep on gambling while you ate. Oh, really? That comes from my podcast, Somehow Related, with Ovo Neal. Oh, that's right. You've got a podcast with that. Yeah.

You've been on it. I'm just trying to give you the plug on a more popular podcast. This is the benchmark show between you and me. The Dum Dum were the guys who, look at those ice cutters in the boat that cuts the ice. The other boats follow. These guys are the ice cutters. Well, it's fine for you to say that now.

How long did it take before they could get you on it? No, he's been on it a few times. He's been on it about as many times as you. Yeah. You don't want to do it all the time because then it's just like, oh, fuck, we'll get him again

whereas it's got to be special anyway does Bubbles Pang listen to Somehow Related nah no

Sapphire or whatever oh yeah Bubbles is the brother isn't it sorry Phoenix you need a

closer this is what I'm thinking when you go into a Hungry Jack's McDonald's or whatever it is whatever your fancy is what do you when you walk you go into a Hungry Jack's, a McDonald's or whatever it is, whatever your fancy is, when you walk in, what do you think?

What's missing here? Or what do I not like about it? I'm thinking of the specifics. Table service is missing for me. I mean, when I walk into those places. Table service? That's what you want? So that's what we need to do.

We need table service. Is that what you're saying? No, you can't. Surely not. No? Oh, we're not blue-skying things? I thought there was no wrong ideas here. Exactly.

You're stifling me. It's whiteboard. Okay, okay. All right, put it up there. Put it on the whiteboard. I'm writing on whiteboard. I'm writing on whiteboard. No, what do you need?

You need... Look, a lot of restaurants and bars and cafes that have reopened post-lockdown have had a very hard time finding white staff because they're traditionally roles that were done by travellers who've all gone home. So we might struggle.

We might struggle to find service people that can do that for us. It's a good suggestion, Michael. Maybe we can go down Bridge Road and knock on the door of some massage parlours and they might be... Well, you know what you can do? They seem to be hands-on, so maybe they can grab some burgers. You can do, with total respect to the girls that give hand relief, you could do a shoulder thing.

This is where you're in a chair. You could have a burger and get a shoulder massage at the same time. Okay. I'm on that. Yeah. I like the Thai element to it because I was thinking maybe even we put a Chang in the Happy Meal or a singer in the Happy Meal, but maybe the massage is better.

Maybe that's better. Yep. Yep. Okay. What's a Chang? A Chang beer. A Thai beer. Okay. What's a Chang? Yeah, a Chang beer. A Thai beer. I was worried there for a second.

I went quiet. Let's just check the tape. I hear Robbins and Bangay very quiet. It's Chang. Massive beer. I've never been to Thailand. No, Thai beer as part of our happy meal at... Chang sponsored Everton Football.

You follow the Premier League. You know what that's about. Yeah, I didn't know. I can't remember that now. You thought we saw Chang on the jerseys of Everton. They were sponsoring masturbation. I thought it was the owner or someone. Oh, no, no, no.

Okay, yeah. Okay. Well, it sounds great. No, no, I don't need positive affirmation. I'm asking for little one percenters. What would you want to see? If you're turning up, yeah, what's your... You come to Dum Dum Burger.

No, I'm going to... You're coming to a themed burger place that's themed on us. They've seen your show. Yeah, they've seen the show. They're going to Spleen now for burgers to get a great burger. Yeah. What's something that other burger places don't... I'm assuming you'll have your merch table at the front,

so you don't have to worry about that. It's probably a pretty good idea. Yeah. Probably a pretty good idea. Maybe we can... I've got an idea of doing a limited edition tea for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something merch-wise.

Maybe a bib. They used to have a thing called a progressive meal thing where you would go entree at someone's house, main thing at someone's house, and then you'd have dessert. Is that right? Yeah. A progressive dinner. A progressive dinner.

Yeah, something like that. A progressive dinner. It does Because you Are you moving location No it's showing It's dinner You are moving location once

Once yeah You're going from the The show From the show To the after party Dum dum dinner and show Yeah That's what it should be called

Yeah yeah yeah So that's what Yeah yeah yeah So we get the cast From the Fawlty Towers Dining experience Oh To get up and read

Yeah Isn't it better That you don't change maybe a location? No, we need to just because I don't... Can't you put the... Because I... What's the venue? The first or the second?

The Spleen. The Spleen, yeah. Is that not the one in the city? Yes. Doesn't it have a laneway at the back? They're around the corner from each other. Yeah. It's like a five-minute walk.

I apologise. Between them. So it's very close. So you just walk there. You don't get in your car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, point taken. It's actually probably a good idea to, you know, walk before you have walk there you don't get in your car yeah yeah it's actually probably

a good idea to you know walk before you have one of these dumb dumb things I think you've got I do too all we've got at the moment is we have

burgers out the back of a pub and that's it but you've got to have a surprise when you eat your burgers you've got to have some sort of entertainment

yeah yeah we talked about this last week haven't they just been entertained yeah but it's some sort of other sort of entertainment. They need a singer.

I'm in the midst of designing sort of McDonaldland-style characters for our restaurant. Yeah. So kind of themed in the world of Dum Dum. You're saying entertainment, though. Maybe that's a good idea. You know the Soda Rock venue down in South Yarra? Yes. Maybe every hour on the hour we jump up and start singing.

Singing. Something like that. Yeah. Eagle Rock or something. How long are they hanging out at the burger joint? A couple of hours, I reckon. Jesus. No?

No. Once you've got your burger. Yeah. Why am I hanging around? I'm DJing. Because there's beer as well. Are you? Are you DJing?

Yeah, I'm DJing. I'll play a little music while the burgers are coming. That's pretty good too. That's all right. It's an after party. It's a pub. Do you go into a pub for a meal and just eat your wedges and go, fuck this, what's everyone else sitting around for?

And just run out the door? And you want to go, but here's one more final surprise. Would you welcome? There you go. And then you have, I don't know. Glen Robbins come out in a big burger. Something, I don't know. Jump out of a burger.

Yeah, good. Jump out of a burger. What's his name to do horses what's his name Darryl Braithwaite Darryl Braithwaite friend of the show Darryl Braithwaite

it's the 30th birthday today of horses I know I saw we did you have him on yeah we had him on he's a good man he is a good man

I did I thought I might have got him offside when I did question when I asked him when was the last time you sang that song In its entirety

Do you know what I mean As in Without throwing to the crowd Without being Without being lazy Right Yeah And

You know When did you actually sing The entire Version of How did he go With that question 20, 30 years ago Yeah right

He doesn't do it He was fine with it though Yeah I stole some of his birthday cake once. Me and Josh Ewell did Falls Festival with him. There we go. What temperature is it in Hobart? Now, you've got a story.

Fantastic. No, this was in Fremantle. Oh, Fremantle. Fremantle. Okay. Fremantle, the location of me eating Daryl Braithwaite's birthday cake. Yep. Yep.

What temperature is it currently? It's 10 a.m. Fremantle? Yep. 20, no, sorry. It's warm over there. 19. Yep. Yep. What temperature is it currently? It's 10 a.m. 20. Fremantle? Yep. 20. No, sorry. It's warm over there. 19.

19? Yep. I'm going to say 17 degrees. 17. Fremantle. Western Australia. Yep. 28.

10 a.m. 10 a.m. 10 a.m. 10 a.m. I apologize. It's not cuda. Okay, 22. It's 24 degrees.

I win. Yes. You won. Well done. Well done. Fremantle, eh? Yep. Pretty good. Now. Now, sorry. Bit of, it was Daryl Braithwaite's birthday on this I win. Yes. You won. Well done. Well done. Friend. Mandalay. Yep. Pretty good.

Now, sorry. Bit of, it was Daryl Braithwaite's birthday on this day of the tour. Big cake for him backstage. They bring it out, sing happy birthday. No one's touching it. All right. Me and Josh, we'll just go sneak a little slice. Yep.

A friend of mine who was a plus one, wasn't even meant to be backstage with us, who listens to this, eats almost half of it by himself. Wow. Really good stuff. What sort of cake? Can't remember. It was just very, like, iced and very big and, yeah, like a sponge cake. Like a kind of sponge cake.

A big iced cake. I don't really eat cake. It's a big spongy kind of cake. Right. Well, that's a sponge. You know your mate who ate half of it. You reckon he'd remember? Yeah, he might.

Yeah. Well, let's give him a call and find out. I think he's got bigger fish to fry at the moment than answering a question about a cake he ate four years ago. Yeah, but is he a good doctor if he ate half a cake? Doesn't sound like a good doctor to me. Well, he was on holidays. Oh, well, you can do whatever you want then.

He's treating himself to a little break from good health advice. Oh, okay. All right. So we've got – I think we've got a lot of ideas there. Okay. All right. I think we've got – Okay.

We've got a month or half to go. Yeah, we've got a few to refine. Okay. You did ask me to care. You asked me to invest and care in something that I had no interest in. I know. Could you tell? Yes.

But I cared. We could tell because you were telling us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you've got enough. I think you've got heaps. You know, I kept on doing us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you've got enough. I think you've got heaps. You know, I get them doing that. Yeah, but that's the stock standard. I'm more surprised if you do give a fuck about something,

champagne. That's my aim on this show. That's why I've got all these things written down. I was thinking, I reckon one of these things will take your fancy. I care about this, man. What else have you got on the list? There you go. I was pointing to you when I said that.

No, I've got another story, but I'm going to save that for I reckon next week someone will give a fuck about it. You're going to hold that one. Yeah, I don't need someone to step on this story. I reckon I've got someone that's got a bit of care in them. I reckon this could grow, this story. I'll tell you what, if you're

on, if you're on, have you been paying attention? It's got to be a matter of time, but yes. It's only a matter of time. Play this to them. By all means. You can bring your burgers with you. Great.

You can do it. Have you been? Burgers down on the thing. Love it. There's a show. But if you can make Sam Pang smile, it's a big achievement. I don't mean that in a bad way I smile all the time

and laugh all the time you do but it makes you feel good when you make Sam laugh yeah I agree it does it makes you feel good yep

it does you have a lot of power in your hands my friend I'm saying this to you as a friend and you know what Glenn I'm looking forward to next time on the show

I'll get another crack at finally doing that today you can't win them all. But next episode could be the one, I reckon, next time. When I book you again in about two weeks. Because we've tried the both extremes of them. I thought maybe something that's so minute and boring and dumb as reading off the weather app, that might excite him.

But then you also got, we're going to run our own restaurant. And even that got big. I'll give you a tip. That was big. I'll give you a tip. That was big. I'll give you a tip. I do this in my talk about creativity. It's available on. Are you Glen Talks?

Yeah, yeah. I've done Glen Talks. Yeah, yeah. Big ideas under little rocks. Right. Don't go for what you think is the big idea. The great idea is going to be right in front of you. This goes for jokes too, doesn't it?

It's going to be right in front of you. Say it again. What is it? Big ideas under little rocks. Well, the good idea is we all think that the big – Don't get angry at me. I'm just asking you. I just wanted to know what the –

I love the idea of that at the Glen Talker. It's like, here's what I think. What the fuck are you talking about? Shut up, cunts. Listen. Big ideas under Little Rock. Just catch up with these guys. Where's your pen and paper?

Where are you not writing it down? Big ideas under Little Rock. Is that what you said? Yeah, the big ideas aren't necessarily, the good ideas aren't big ones. The good ideas are small ones. You're changing it. You didn't say that earlier. I don't know what you, what did you say?

If I died now, it would go... Have it on my grave. Yeah. Whatever you say. Basically saying that we all think the big idea is the winner. It's the small idea that's right in front of us that is the winner. Here, put that on your fucking teeth. That's not what you said.

Okay. That's what he said now, though. That's what I meant. Yeah. Fine. What is this? A debate? I want to check

the minutes of this show. Come on, mate. If you want to get recognised in Le Rond, this is the kind of thought you've got to invest in. Exactly.

Is there only one Le Rond or is Le Rond a chain? They're a chain. Okay. I didn't want you to give away where you lived. Yeah. Okay.

You're ready for mine? Here we go. I'm busting. Absolutely. And not only am I ready for it, I'm waiting for something to break that granite-like face of champagne. Finally see a bit of rainfall.

Well, this is guaranteed. On that desert floor. Come on, Glenn. We need this. Okay. I don't like people who say, here's a dumb idea. You don't have to like it. I'm just going to go with the idea.

Yeah. Hey, we're positive people. Me and Tommy. Can't wait. We're laughing already. We love it. Can't speak for everyone. Every article of clothing that I'm wearing today I bought online.

Oh, wow. Yep. Yep. Yep. Hang on, hang on. Let's see, got some sneakers. Shoes from the US. These are like, these are, I talk about on our podcast,

these are rock shoes. Yeah. They let the sand out. Oh yeah. They let the water run through them so they're like. Sam Pang is laughing. That's something.

I'm loving how excited you are at this idea. I like that you feel as though it's like mic drop, look what I've done. Yeah, yeah. I've brought this to the table. Oh, surprise, surprise.

This is fucking sinister. Let me, and then the pants I purchased. Yeah. I'm talking sight unseen. But these shoes. Size unknown. Listen, Sam.

Glenn dressed himself today. Be happy. But these shoes, where do you think I live? You brought shoes that are capable of letting sand and water in. Do you think I live in a ravine? He heard he was going to Tommy Daslow's house. He does a podcast. He's like, all right, I'm obviously going to be Daslow's house He does a podcast He's like, alright

I'm obviously going to be out in the middle of fucking nowhere I'm going to be out in Zone 17 I'm going to be on the In a tent I'm going to be on the Strezlecki track out there somewhere It occurred on the way here I realised that what will I wear today I'm going to wear my new pants that I got yesterday

I've got a couple of stains on them now In the mail They came in a packet And the t-shirt I got a pack of five Five t-shirts for $10 each. Beautiful. Sight unseen, size unknown. Wow.

And they all fit. Beautiful fit. Beautiful colour too. Good colour. Good colour. Good fit. And the shoes, they said online, go for a size smaller because the sizing has been out and they fit perfectly.

Oh. My question to you is do you buy – I'm changing now. I'm going to be an online clothes guy now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you buy anything – I was about to say, so right now I'm the complete opposite of you that everything that I'm wearing was given to me. I was going to say, everything you're wearing,

did you find in a Salvation Army bin? What are you talking about? This T-shirt has got you all covered by a mile. This is a good T-shirt, by the way. It's not a bad T-shirt. Do you want to explain what it is? Nah, someone else can. It says, Marshall Gardner holding Roberts and Croft.

Now, we'll give you, for those at home, we'll give them a moment to work that out. It did take me about three seconds to figure it out. Tommy, did you work it out? I gathered before the show it's something to do with cricket. Yeah, West Indian cricketers. And that was probably... It was a very fast bowling line-up that was feared. That would be mid, early, no?

No, no, no, 80s. Yeah, it's 80s. 80s. They were probably the... They weren't all in the same team. Richards was not in that period? He's not a fast bowler. No, but he was...

Yeah, he's a batsman. He doesn't make this t-shirt. So it's only bowlers. Okay, yeah, yeah. Tommy's lost interest like I did with that, the burger joint. Yeah, yeah. What were we saying? Were you saying I'm underdressed?

No, no. I'm not saying that outright. Touch the nerve. Touch the nerve. Go with the nerve. Go with it. Anything with a bit of a gimmick on the t-shirt, I'm not saying that outright. Touch the nerve. Go with the nerve. Anything with a bit of a gimmick on the T-shirt, I always think. A bit showy for you. It's just lettering, by the way.

It's just letters. By the way, you're trying to buy cred. You're trying to buy cred. You are. I'm not like you trying to hold on to something that's gone. I don't need the cred. Look how proud you are you bought it. But what about the people who wear that going, oh, he knows about West Indian cricketers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just saying it, Greg. Look how proud you are you bought it. But what about the people who wear that going,

oh, he knows about West Indian cricketers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was saying that with him. You know who you are? You're one of those kids that, there was always a kid at school. Don't attack me, I'm telling you now. That wouldn't barrack for Australia.

That was me. That would barrack for the West Indians. That was me. That's you. You should take a photograph of that and put it on your thing, by the way. Oh, we will, don't worry. We will.

I had no photos today. I'm having a private day. I'm having a fat day. you're having a bad shirt day here's the one that bloke that bloke took out the front with Glenn and the guy didn't

you know didn't know who he was that's a very nice colour though earthy yeah I like it I like the tones it's all good and the pack was

blends of grey yes ok questions blends of grey question can I have a question where

did you order it from what country and what temperature was it there there we go fantastic there we go Blends of grey Question Can I have a question Where Did you order it from What country And what temperature Was it there There we go Fantastic There we go There we go

Exquisite Well Where did it come from Is there a made in Sticker on the back Made in tag The Amazon

For the t-shirts Which is a Is that a bad thing No it's fine if you like being a bootlicker yeah if you like making

the richest man in the world even richer sure well done you've always supported the little guy that's the only way I can answer that

the two big boys have got to stick together the biggest guy in Australia the biggest guy in the world they call Bezos the Glenn Robbins of the US yeah yeah Uncle Bezos the Glenn Robbins of the US. Uncle Bezos, they call him over there.

That was his character. He's going to be Daily Mail's story. Here you go, everyone. I own Amazon. I'm wrong. You're going to Amazon and you'll buy a beautiful T-shirt. And I was. Everyone is happy. I'm not going to say I'm playing with you. Funny beautiful t-shirt. And I was, I'm not going to say I'm playing with you,

funny old t-shirt. You get no toilet breaks. Shorts came from, which reminded me of it, Chadston. No, Uniqlo. Oh, beautiful. Love Uniqlo.

Yeah. Shoes came from, they came in odd packaging, so I dare say they were a subsidiary outside of Amazon. Right. Okay. So what was your point? Well, I wonder where it's actually come from.

Well, you'd have to say the shoe's US. Let's go for New York. Let's go for NYC. Those shoes come from New York? Well, I'm not saying New York. What's the head of Amazon? Where's the head of Amazon Where's the head of Amazon Oh it's Amazon based

Yeah okay I think that's That's what we should be looking at Good point Headquarters of Amazon It's got to be In the Midlands In the

In the flyer The states maybe While you're looking This show needs a title Seattle Seattle Seattle There we go

I'll go cold I don't know about Seattle It rains Yes Seattle Washington It is currently Hang on We've got a guess We've got a guess Seattle. There we go. I'll go cold. All I know about Seattle is it rains. Yes. Seattle. Washington. It is currently. Hang on.

We've got to guess. We've got to guess. 7 p.m.? I'm going to go 2. 7 p.m.? Ooh, 2. I like that. I'll go.

I'm going to go 15. 15? You are. You are. You're crazy. What? We'll see. This is like a kamikaze mission.

He's confident. Yeah. You've absolutely burger-restauranted this one. I'll go minus one. Minus one. Six degrees. Who wins? Very nice.

You didn't use two? I did. How many have I won? Just quietly. You're two in front, I reckon. I think you've won by two. Yeah. I think you've won this pretty easy.

Hey, Glenn, just before we wrap this up, I wanted to bring this up quickly. Sorry, Sam, we've got to end this. I know you're into it. How have you turned this into I haven't had a good time? I've had a good time. You were de-dressing him? Putting clothes on him, I think I was.

Yeah, I was enjoying that. You sort of went a general, found it in a box somewhere or something. You done with him? You finished with him? I think so. Oh, okay. What were you going to say? Because you're going to wrap it up.

The Meredith Music Festival, not sure if you're familiar with it, but it's a music festival held near Ballarat in Victoria. You camp for two nights, listen to music. People very commonly dress up. Now, it didn't happen last year, obviously, in 2020, but 2019 I went with a group of friends and quite commonly in our campsite we'll have a dress-up theme for one of the days.

And the theme on the Saturday night in 2019 when we went was Kath and Kim. So we had a whole lot of people dressed up, a lot of Kaths and Kims. You were in that, weren't you? A lot of kills. You were in that, weren't you? You know, seeing me just hesitating.

Trying to think of all the things you've been in. Yeah, I've got a Final Effects that I carry with me. Right, right, right. What decade are you talking? Because I've got them in the 80s. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, that was back in the 80s. Which major cultural touchstone are we talking about now?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure. Yes, I was. What's it like just being here? Is it just fun? You're like Kylie Minogue because you've got a big hit in each decade. Oh, yeah. That's what she's got.

She's got one in four decades or five decades. So that would be you. So Comedy Company, 80s. 90s, Uncle Arthur. No, sorry. Is 90s... The Panel. Panel, sorry. Is 90s... The panel. Panel, yes.

Panel. Well, panel was 98 started. That's the 90s. Yeah, but it started and went into the early 90s. That's okay, but you count that as the 90s. Yeah, you count that as the 90s. So 2000s is... Oh, let's stop this right now.

No, no, no. Kath and Kim's early 2000s. I've got it here on a piece of paper. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry no. Kath and Kim's early 2000s. I've got it here on a piece of paper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. Then Kath and Kim then Ross and Corey.

You're exactly like Kylie Minogue. Not as much fun as people think. You know what I mean? Like you are. Hello Kylie. I know she's a big

listener of this program and she's a big fan of yours. Well, Danny listens at least so she'll pass it on. Yeah. So early 2000s

Kath and Kim and then 2010s somehow related with Dave O'Neill. Yes, exactly. Love you. There we go. There we go. Yeah. So we had, yeah, our campsite, people were dressing up as, there was a few Sharons in there.

There was, yeah, some Kaths, some Kims, some Kells in the mix. Which one are you? Which one are you? I'm not even going to meet eyes with you. We were camping with a friend of the show, Tom Ballard, was in our group. Tom? Yes.

Fantastic. Now, Sharon's in the mix. So this has been going on all day. People come out of their tents in their costumes. Everyone's going. It looks a bit like Sharon without even dressing up, I would have thought. But anyway, no, sorry, go for it.

So after about an hour of getting around in the costumes and a lot of strangers coming up and going, oh, his costumes are fantastic, Tom gets everyone very excited and goes, look, I hate to blow my own horn. I've got Magda's number. Oh, fantastic. I'll text her a photo of the Sharons and we can get her a response.

Everyone's a bit cooked by this point. So everyone's just raptured. One of my friends who was dressed as Kel was in the throng watching a band at 4am still with barbecue tongs just off his chops, annoying everyone around him with them. But yeah, this photo gets sent to Magda. No response from Magda. Magda fresh airs him. Just ghosts on him.

So we never got, we thought we were going to get from this, you know, from while we were at Meredith, we thought we were going to get an official ruling from a cast member of Catholic King. You want me to ring her now? Well, I want you to just get a look at this photo of the group. I was going to say, what we've learned from that is Tom Ballard absolutely does not have her number and just did that for a bit ofard absolutely does not have a number. What do you think of that? And just did that for a bit of attention, I think.

He just texted his mum. Yeah. What do you think of this? And then his mum fresh-haired him. You're telling me that they're dress-ups? Are they meant to be Kel? I don't mean to be rude, but are you seeing that as Kel? Is that you?

Can I see who you're supposed to be? Which one? So, there, that one there. I mean, it just looks like a bloke. It's just a bloke. Who drives an Uber, who's come to pick up one of his kids or something. Anyway, I wish them well.

I actually thought that was someone dressed up as Con the Fruiter, to be completely honest. I thought they missed a little bit. We have to hope the Meredith Music Festival can come back in 2021 and we'll have another crack at the Kath and Kim dress-up and meet the high standards of Glen Robbins. If it happens again,

I will be waiting. Yep. Yep. I need your number and you've got to reply if you get a message at 2am. Do you not have his number?

No. I'll pass it on if I get permission. Wow, your eyes lit up then like, don't pass my number off. Yeah,

they did. They very much did. My don't pass my number off. Yeah, they did. They very much did. My mother gave out my number and my address. And on a Sunday morning... To your dad. A Sunday morning there was a knock at the door at our house and the people said, we're your relatives and we want to get a shot with you.

To my house. We're your relatives? Yeah want to get a shot with you. To my house. We're your relatives? Yeah. Well, that's okay, isn't it? Are you saying how dare they? No. But they're related to you. They're your relatives.

But I don't know them. They're relatives. I mean, oh, God, now I've painted myself into a corner. But no. Why don't you like people? Why don't you like family? Yeah. Why are you so anti-family?

You're family. If you only said randoms, but you said family. That's how you fucked up this story. But who's family and who's family? Oh, right. Oh, so it was someone else's family. Well, that makes sense. No.

But it was relatives I've never heard of. Right. Okay. Skewer. And they just turn up, knock on the door and want a photo. Yeah. And it's just that thing where people come in the... Oh, look.

Okay. Relatives you've never met, they just knock on the door and go, Daddy, can I have a photo with you? Does family ever want photos with you? No. Does family ever? No, no, I don't think they'd ring me. So, yeah, no, I don't hear from any of them.

It's never going to happen to you, so you don't have to worry. It's never going to happen to you, so you don't have to worry about it. Well, he won't even give out their name on the podcast and they love the show and he can't even give them a little bit of fame on the show.

Okay, to wrap up your show. Yes. What's the weather? Thanks for watching. In Auckland, because I've got a... What's the temperature in here? In Auckland.

Oh, Auckland. All right, so in Auckland. You want one final round. Yeah, because I've got an anecdote. Just a quick one. Just to get us out of it. Just so you could win by three. I know that you've got to be

an anecdote to finish. Have I contributed enough anecdotes to that? Like, I mean, I feel like... Have you contributed one anecdote? No, probably not. Just a big, fat bit of cynicism. Just sits back and... Yeah, if it...

Look, metaphorically, he's got his feet up on the table and he's leaning his chair back. He's shat on stories. He hasn't brought a story, but there's definitely a contribution to the story. You go back and listen. I'll tell you this. I did.

I gave my all for the burger stuff and just towards the end, I didn't have a big last quarter. But I'd done a lot of heavy lifting earlier. But you're in the change rooms, you're pumping everyone up. Yeah. Halftime, you're giving some good pep talk. That's it. And then just didn't come out in the second half.

That's fine. But mentally at the moment, you are down Bridge Road getting a massage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't get across these guys. Just when you said that, just when you said that, by the way, Sam pulled his shirt down over his groin just in case he thought that meant something else. Gatekeepers. They are the gatekeepers of open mic comedy.

It's true. It's true. Yeah. If you ever want to do an unpaid five minutes again in this town, you know that's all I'd love to You know that's all I love doing Auckland 4pm right now in Auckland

Hey Tommy Sorry before you did Auckland I found You know what recently I found Here we go Hang on This smells like a champagne anecdote It does sound like an anecdote

It's not an anecdote I just found I found a piece of paper That had A set list on it And it was You Yep

Aunty Donna Yep David Quirk and me. Do you remember that, Kik? No, but I feel like you told a story about finding that piece of paper the last time you were on the show two years ago. Oh, really? Really? I don't have many anecdotes. I don't have many.

Maybe it was one that you'd found that had Daniel Kitson on it as well. Oh. You've just got set lists scattered all around the paying manner. Just keep the ones when you do a gig with Dassler. You keep those ones. I don't keep Tommy's. How'd you go? No, not good.

I had a bit of paper with on it Dame Edna, Steve Irwin, Glenn Robbins. Oh. Dressing room door. Oh. Fantastic. All dead. For spleen. And they're all dead.

For spleen. On Monday night at spleen. No, that was the Logies. That's right, right. Really? Yeah. And it was the first time I met Steve Irwin. I walked in and he was sitting there.

I thought, oh, this could end very badly. Yeah. Because Roswell Court obviously. And then you stung him. Well, and then he said, oh, mate, I love you. And, well, everything was okay. There we go. That might have been the top three that year.

Most loved Australian celebrities that year. Auckland. Auckland. 4 p.m. What's the weather? All right. Gentlemen, what's the weather? 17.

17? I'll go 12. 12. I'm a bit like the burgers story. You know what I mean? Like that whole burger bit I'm kind of at. No, I'll have a go. 15?

15. It's 25 degrees. In Auckland, again. I was flown over to New Zealand because the comedy company was quite big in New Zealand. It was. And this was back in the day. It is that time. Loved it. I loved was back in the day, in the 80s. Loved it.

I loved it. Had the album. Famous New Zealander, Carl Chandler. He loved it. And I was asked to do a... I was a fan of both sides of the Tasman. To judge... Tell me if I've told this story before. To judge an Uncle Arthur lookalike competition.

Oh, great. Dressed as Uncle Arthur. Oh, my God. This is great. This is like a Charlie Chaplin. So, I get dressed as Uncle Arthur in the nice hotel, get in the car, drive to the race course. It's being held in a race course? A race course.

No other venue is big enough to host the Uncle Arthur lookalike competition. It's like the Royal Family Visitor. Or are they all jockeys and they're racing as they're dressed as Uncle Arthur? Was it in between a race? Was it in between a race? No races. Oh. So we drive in. Was it a steeple race? Was it in between a race? No races. Oh. So we drive in.

Was it a steeplechase with the horses jumping over the lookalikes? We drive in and I'm dressed as Uncle Arthur. I look and there's quite a big crowd in the stand and then I look into the middle of the race. Of course, they have a parking area. There's a little stage with a group of people standing around it. What they decided to do, why they did this, I don't know. They decided to put all the Uncle Arfas, dressed as Uncle Arfa,

in the middle of the race course, standing around a stage, and then we would do the competition. So I drive out there, get out. It's like when you have pizza and you have a weird dream. I get out of the car, I look, and there's a group of weird New Zealanders dressed as me, which is fucking weird, going, I get up on stage and I go, welcome to the Uncle Arthur look-alike competition,

and they're all going, and then I go, here's number one, and he goes up, and it was like, why aren't we over in front of the big crowd of people here's number one and he goes up I'm Uncle Arthur and then number two I'm Uncle Arthur and it was like why aren't we over in front of the big

crowd of people doing it over there anyway it worked out you're just in the middle of a race you got paid

everything's fine fantastic not a great story to finish on you can cut that out it's like what I always say it's like what I always say big ideas

under small hey you know what they just made it up for having no anecdotes with a finisher Hey, it's like what I always say. It's like what I always say. Big ideas under small. Hey, you know what? They just made it up for having no anecdotes with a finisher like that. That's all you need. And you kick the goal after the siren. Bang. That's what Pang does. People only remember the last two minutes anyway.

Yeah, that's it. All right, we'd better wrap it up there for another week. Glenn Robbins, Sam Pang, thank you very much for joining us. Tommy, Carl, thank you. Thank you for having me. Glenn's got his podcast somehow related with very much for joining us. Tommy, Carl, thank you. Thank you for having me. Glenn's got his podcast somehow related with Dave O'Neill.

Yeah, loving it, yes. Out every week. You still doing it? Did it this morning. Oh, right.

Yeah, yeah, love it. Just the two of you, isn't it? You know, you don't, you ask these questions,

you know. It's just so you can get, you know, get your, get your vote out. I'm not sure with you. I don't generally care about the answer. Shut up, Carson.

You know when the movie's out. This is just the two of us. You did a live show with Sam Pang once. At your place. Yes, at the Basement Comedy Club. And I loved that it was a live podcast. And you saw people that were like 50 years old coming to a live podcast. Because like we're used to doing our thing and, you know,

you get your fat 28-year-old. But we were saying like – Hey, hey, hey. You're talking to your listeners, right? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. You call them fat 28-year-olds.

Hey, look, I'm being nice. They're older than that. No offense, Phoenix Punk, but yes, fat 28-year-olds. Listen to this. Hey, I handle the merch. I know the sizes I'm selling out. 3XL, very popular choice. Well, I know. I dare say they're sitting back with half a dozen hot dogs and donuts at the moment.

That's why we're doing a burger joint. We're not doing a soy milk franchise. We're doing a burger joint And that's why we're asking What more can we do apart from the burgers Because these people They will not be satisfied by just a burger We're doing real temperature

We should be doing how hot do they feel In those cities Callback on callback Triple callback It's like Inception in here What's the degree of chafing when you're walking around in this city? What degree is your gut pointing out at? Fucking hell.

We could win an award. I reckon this episode will win an award. I reckon, yeah. Most people cancel in a podcast? Well, they'll just go, podcast, best episode. You know, they often have, with TV series, they'll have the series will win, but then they'll go, best direction of an episode.

The potties. The potties. The potties? I reckon this episode. Right, this one. This one? Three quarters of it, Sam. Best stonewalling of an anecdote goes to Sam Payne. I thought you were talking about the one you and Dave did today.

This one. This one. Mate, I stayed. I stayed, by the way. Here, right at the end. Payne, you've got Nova Breakfast for people who are in Melbourne, and that's podcasted as well. People can check that out.

That's it. Come on. Come on. We're all good. We're all good, aren't we? Oh, we're great. I'm going to unplug my radio show. Have you been paying attention?

That'll be back soon, won't it? Hopefully in maybe May. I'm not glad you know more about that than me. How do you find out these things? I'd love to be blasé about something successful. I'm like pimping our immediately mediocre thing as hard as I can. Come down to our little hot dog stand, guys. It usually comes out in May.

Right. And the front bar usually comes out at the start of the footy season. Come and see me running the 100 metres of that fucking... What is that, Olympics? Olympics. Olympic Games. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come and see me at that.

All the good shows Were non-dialect Non-dialect saving That's where your good shows go Right Because people are out Until You know

Yeah You and I are playing golf On private golf courses Oh god Why don't you finish with that? That's too nice I'll point this out I'm there as your guest

I'm not a member The world The fascinating world Private lives of both of you. I'd love to. This is the closest I get. Bringing you two down to our level. Yeah. Sitting in Tommy's masturbatorium. If we were out on Royal Melbourne on the links,

seeing how you guys really, really live, and seeing the butler pull out the three wood or whatever, that's the dream. All I'll say is... He's got a butler out there. All I'll say is... He's got a butler out there. Actually, you have seen Glenn play then. When we're getting a massage, we get tapped on the shoulder.

Yes. We're all the same people. Great, great, great. So profound. At the Royal Melbourne Masseuse. Great, I love this. Great. All right, guys.

Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. And they've done it again. Oh, I did a long one, guys. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. And they've done it again. Oh, I did a long one, Bernie. You just told me how long that was. I didn't realize. Yep. You lived it and you had no idea.

Oh, man. Time flies when you hear it about the weather. Yep. It went so quick. Yeah, look, at the very least, with our pop-up burger restaurant, I'll know. I know what we can have. We can have the Sanpang burger now. Just like...

Fuck all. Nothing in it. Just a couple of bits of bread. An empty box. That'll be good. Come and get the pang. Yep. Get the panger.

I'm on a diet. I'm on the pang diet. Starving myself. No, I won't have anything. I'll just have three pangs, thanks. Yep. Get the panger. I'm on a diet. Yeah. I'm on the Pang diet. Starving myself. No, I won't have anything. I'll just have three pangs. Thanks. Yep. Oh, fuck.

We can't talk shit about him because his sister listens. Oh, that's right. Don't tell him. Don't tell him. Sorry. Whatever your name is. Phoenix. Phoenix.

Phoenix Pang. Phoenix Pang. PP. PP Island. Hit us up, Pang's sister. You know what? Hit us up, Pang's sister, Phoenix, for the next time Pang's on. Because you sound like you're more affiliated with us than you are your brother.

So give us the goss on him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give us something to work with. Because, I mean, you know, he likes to come in and poo-poo our stuff and give us absolute donuts. So, you know, give us something to work with. Yeah. That'd be good. Yeah.

You've got some time. It'll probably be about four years before we can land that big fish again. So think up the best of the best. He'll come in here and we'll just absolutely sandbag him. Come down to the burger, to the pop-up burger place. Yes. And let us know. I mean, obviously bring your brother with you, but when he's in the toilet,

because he's so intrigued by the concept. When he goes to the toilet, just let us know. Well, he'll probably be inviting her to come along. Oh, yeah, that's true. He'll be first in line. That's true. He's probably camped out there now. What do you think, Tommy?

I want to move forward with this concept every week. I know we did say last week, we said Carl Chandler's... No, the Little Dumb Dumb Club presents... The Little Dumb Dumb Club presents Carl Chandler's Leon Smashburgers. What I think... Which I brought up on the app and you looked at me as if I was insane for saying it. Well, I think maybe in the cold light of day, I was like, this is a terrible idea. I think Dumb Dumb Burger.

I think that's what we've got to go. Yeah. It's nice and clean. We've got the burger logo already basically done. I know, but I can't argue with those points, but they're all things that make me like it less because it makes more sense. I like how shit the little dumb...

Just imagining all of that text squished into a burger logo similar to the Leon Smash Burger logo. Similar to the little Dumb Dumb Club logo. It's a sight for sore eyes. Okay, well, we'll have to work this out over the next month or two. We've got two months to play with. smash burger similar to little dum dum club it's a site for sore eyes okay well we'll have to work this out over the next

month or two we've got two months to play with that's all we do is just go back and forth on the name

yeah yeah debate each other on the two names of which we never get convinced by the other of yeah

so look I thought we might have got a few more ideas about the pop-up concept

restaurant from this episode, but not really. We could just do Planet Westgate Melbourne. We franchise it and it finally has a location in the city that it's named after. Yeah, yeah. I mean, Planet Westgate was obviously the pop-up bar we did in Koh Samui. Yeah, right. Pop-up food at Planet Westgate and it's specializing in burgers. I suppose that's not a bad idea, is it?

Planet Hollywood's mostly like burgers and shit, isn't it? Yeah, you're right. Maybe we do that. Maybe it's the franchise. Yeah, maybe that's a good idea. Yeah. We gave that banner to someone, like one of the listeners. Yeah, someone took it home with them.

But, I mean, that would be pretty big, right? That probably wouldn't really fit out the front of Spl listeners. Yeah, someone took it home with them. But I mean, that would be pretty big, right? That probably wouldn't really fit out the front of spleen. Yeah, it was pretty massive. And I think it said, probably had stuff written on it that wasn't quite right or whatever, probably. Yep. Probably written in the pool at 3am. Yeah, yeah. That kind of behaviour.

Yeah, yeah, something like that. All right, all right. Well, okay. Well, there's a new contender. Yep. Might be Planet. Planet. Because, yeah, something like that. All right, all right. Well, okay. Well, there's a new contender. Yep. Might be Planet. Planet. Because, yeah, what do you do?

You go Planet Hollywood. When you have those T-shirts, you go Planet Hollywood Melbourne. Yeah, yeah. Or Planet Hollywood Bangkok. Yeah, they all have the little thing. The town. You know, it's like the Hard Rock Cafe. It's always called the same thing.

But then when you buy the merch at the specific one, it's branded with that logo or that location. Now, you talked about merch being made. Now, that's merch. Planet Westgate Melbourne. Planet Westgate Melbourne. T. Yeah.

That might be it then. If we go with that. What else do you do? I guess that's it. I think. If we go with that. What else do you do? I guess that's it. I think that's it. Is that it? Yeah, or a hat maybe.

All right. We'll work on it. We'll work on it. Clearly, we want to get that right before we get burgers right or anything. Well, that's the beauty of it. We're not handling the burgers. Someone else is coming in and it's not like we need to be sitting here perfecting the recipe. Yeah.

We've got the Pang Burger. Yeah, we've got the Pang Burger. Yeah, we've got the Pang Burger. That's our one contribution. But, you know, we're not having to buy the beef and all that kind of shit. Like, we can just... Well, Leon listens now. We've got to become the focus on this kind of stuff. Leon wants to know what's happening. He's finding his updates.

Like, he's been messaging me going, what did you think? I'm just like, listen to the episode, cunt. Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, that would be great if he now... If we start to think he's got cold feet because he doesn't like the direction that the branding's heading in. Yeah.

If he's like, nah, it's called The Little Dum Dum Club Presents Carl Chandler's Leon's Smash Burgers or I Walk. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, because he hit me up and he was like, oh, yeah, I'm really excited about all this. We can talk about this and whatever.

You know, if you want to come out to where I'm operating next week and he was like, oh, yeah, I'm really excited about all this. We can talk about this and whatever. You know, if you want to come out to where I'm operating next week. And I'm like, no, mate, I'm not coming out to the IGA car park in West Meadows again. Sorry, mate. That's it for me. We're doing this over Instagram now. Maybe we could work with that in some way. Like if the idea is that we franchised the west meadows iga car park the melbourne cbd right right pop-up location of the west meadows well maybe that's more

maybe that's the subheading the west meadows iga car park comes to you. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So that's a good tagline. Yeah. I like that as a tagline. Yeah, okay. For all those people that want to go past the airport to a car park. Yep. But don't have the time. Exactly.

We can bring it to you. Yeah. And so over the speakers, as I'm playing music, I'll just every now and then drop in the sound of like a Boeing flying overhead. Yeah. Man. All right. So this is the next trick we do's let's record in the next couple of weeks let's let's work on uh copywriting recording an ad to play during this this podcast okay it'll pop up maybe in the main feed or something like that let's let's record one we can do that we can

that'll be one of the lines the west me Meadows IGA car park comes to you. And then we have the plane go over the top of it. Let's get it like a proper radio ad. You've never heard a plane in your life. That was a Formula One car that you just did. It was flying above me though. That's it. Let's work on that.

Let's get a professionally recorded ad. We can maybe put it up with a bit of video on the socials. Yeah. Man, now I'm getting excited. For all of Sam Pang trying to fucking break my spirit, I'm back again. Yeah, but that's good. It's like, you know, Dragon's Den or whatever.

Like, you need to go in and you need to have the person who, like, gives you the hard truths or isn't into it just to prove that you actually have the passion for the idea. What's Dragon's Den? Isn't it? It's like Shark Tank. You you know those kind of shows where people go and like pitch their ideas they're like hey you know i've got this idea for like a new chair or whatever and you need someone there who's gonna go like maybe point out the faults or just like kind of not be that into it and you need to prove that you cannot be disheartened by just you know if you had

if if you had have come up against someone who's just like, I don't really give a fuck about this idea and you had just immediately crumbled and went, yeah, good point, let's not do it. Okay. Then that would be a bad sign. But the fact that you've, if anything, it's made you more enthusiastic about the idea, that proves that you're onto a winner. I've passed, that's like a test.

I've passed the paying test. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, great. Good, good. A couple of new ideas and I'm super enthused again. Good. We also, this is the after party to one of our live podcasts

that is happening in Melbourne. Previously all sold out, we have had word from the venue that we can actually get a few more people in there. So there are a few more tickets on sale now to each of those shows. March 27, April 3, April 10, April 17, 3.30pm at the European Beer Cafe. Now, this one is happening after March 27, the first one of the four. Yeah. So, once we finish, and it's a 3.30 star, so once we finish by about 4.30, we then go

straight up there afterwards. That's the plan at the moment. Yeah. Yeah. Great. Okay. Good. But tickets for all those are on sale.

But that's the plan at the moment. Yeah. Yeah. Great. Okay. Good. But tickets for all those are on sale. We've also got Perth, February the 28th, and Adelaide, March the 6th. Both of those, not many tickets left at all.

So if you are keen to come, get on it right now. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Yep. Excited. Excited to get out there and put on the grease paint again. Yep. Going to be good. What else we got to report?

I would say off the back of that episode, I haven't had a massage since. Mm-hmm. Haven't been back. Just a bit worried. Just a bit worried. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I said that the episode went long, so we should keep this tight.

And now you're sitting here telling me about things you haven't done. Yeah. I just want to clear it up. Because you know what? Because I can foresee. I haven't been skydiving in the last week, if you care about that. Did you talk about skydiving on this episode? Well, I talked about the weather, which comes from the sky.

So in a roundabout way, yes, I did. Now you're wasting time here. Yes, I did. Now you're wasting time here. No, I haven't been. I'm worried. I'm worried about it. I'm worried about it. Getting jacked off? No, I'm. Now you're wasting time here. No, I haven't been. I'm worried. I'm worried about it. I'm worried about it.

Getting jacked off? No, I'm not worried about that. I mean, I'd be worrying every day in my own house. But no, I feel like I don't want to disappoint people. And I feel like I'll really disappoint a lot of hardworking, working women if they don't get to jack me off. Yeah. And I don't want to put them in that position. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's very selfless of you. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. All right, all right. Speaking of being jacked off and disappointing people, the Little Dumb Dumb Club is on Patreon. You can head over to patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub right now,

support the show. We very much appreciate everyone who does that. support the show. We very much appreciate everyone who does that. And we show our appreciation by sending you two bonus episodes a week, little mini episodes if you are on the $10 tier. And most importantly, we read your name out, or we may read your name out.

We read a random number of names every week. We try to read as many as we can. We try. We keep things fair using the unplanned title alternator, a sophisticated piece of machinery that spits out names completely. Keeps it fair. Completely at random. It's the only way this can be fair. A lot of people were saying in the olden days that this was not fair.

They were saying, you know, what are you reading these out in order? The order they subscribe to? That's not fair. And we're like, absolutely. Are you reading this out alphabetically? That's not fair. Yep. And we're like, well. Are you reading this out alphabetically? That's not fair. Yep. And we're like, well, we're not doing either of those things.

It would be funny if we went alphabetical and it's like someone new subscribes with a name that starts with A. It's like, sorry, man, we're on to F. I guess your name's just never going to get read out. Or either that or people are like, we're like, it's alphabetical. So as soon as like Aaron Donaldson subscribes, it's like, oh, well, I know we're up to F, but we have to go straight back to A again now. Yeah.

So then we do that very clearly. So then everyone is subscribing with their own normal name, but putting Aaron at the start of it. Yeah. Yeah. So now it's like, oh, Aaron Johnny Briggs. Yeah. Okay.

Okay. No problem. That's coming up after. Thanks, mate. Aaron Jeffrey Briggs. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

All right. The Briggs family really chipping in a lot here a lot of uh yeah a lot of art varks subscribing to the little dum-dum club this month a lot of people screaming as a first name ah karen rogers yeah okay thanks karen we uh we need to break it open we need to start reading out some names and uh saying thank you to this this week's lucky contingent we are keeping it tight we're trying to break it open. We need to start reading out some names and saying thank you to this week's lucky contingent. We are keeping it tight. We're trying to keep it tight because of how...

You know what? You've got a lot more Glenn Robbins and Sam Pang than you bargained for. A lot more. You know, when you opened that episode, you didn't realise that there was going to be so much Sam Pang shitting on our comedy and ideas. But there it is. There it is. Now we have to do less comedy up the back here.

I mean, even if it hadn't have gone long, we're so put off by what we do now after that that we probably don't have it in us to do more than about 20 minutes here. Exactly. Broken spirits. So it's probably going to be a slightly reduced number of names this week because of that. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, I mean, you know us. You know we're good for 30 or 40, but there might be, you know.

That's 30 or 40 on a week where someone doesn't come in and just break our spirits. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, this is just looking after our mental health right now, isn't it? Exactly. Yeah. So, look, Phoenix, if you're listening to this bit and you wanted more, call your brother

up and talk to him about it. Yeah. If you settled in, if you're at the gym and you thought, you know what, I want to do another hour. I'm going to work out for six hours. Yeah, I'm going to do an hour because usually they read about 30 or 40 names here. Sorry. This is all due to your family.

Yeah. All right. Let's see how far we can get. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber number one, kept off the rank this week. Thank you very much to your family. Yep. All right. Let's see how far we can get. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber number one kept off the rank this week. Thank you very much to Benjamin Green. Benjamin Green. Now, I don't want to get too stat happy,

but this is the second week in a row that we've had someone with a surname Green being read out. Is it really? Yeah. I like it. Last week was Joel Peter Green. This week,? Yeah. I like it. Last week was Joel Peter Green. This week, Benjamin Green. I like the last name Green.

A real trend happening here. Yeah. I can see what's happening here. Do you want to do ice cream flavours again? Oh! Yes, I do. Fun little game. I was waiting for you to do a bit of colour blind material.

But anyway, I gave you the space and nothing happening. Benjamin Green. Benjamin Green. Benjamin Green. I was too distracted by the ice cream thing. Benjamin. Benjamin. It's a bit annoying because there's been- Do a colorblind thing.

What do you mean? Well- Oh, don't you mean Benjamin Gray? Yeah. Yeah, I'll take that. Thank you. No, I get you. If I looked at it

No wait Hang on Are you sure it's Benjamin Green? Are you sure it's not Benjamin Orange? Yeah Yeah See that's not so acceptable But I'm scared off the colour blind stuff

Because I think What happens a lot is I make a joke about colour blindness And you snap at me For getting the technical I don't snap at you You always go It's not outwards

I see things as grey I don't see greys as greens So I'm I don't want to I don't want to be technically incorrect with my riff on the name. That's the comedy back and forth, though. Yeah, yeah. It's the exaggeration as if I'm seeing everything in black and white and I'm saying, but I'm not.

I'm not, though. Yeah, yeah. And then the ribbing means more. Okay, Benjamin Purple. Yes. If I looked at it, it would say Benjamin Purple. But to you, it's Benjamin Green. Yeah.

Someone posted a colour blindness test in our Facebook group, passed it with flying colours. Did you? Because I did it. Because it's like, again, we just have the same conversation so many weeks in a row. But you found out quite late in life that you were colour blind. And I did for a moment.

I did the test and I was like, yeah, I mean, I don't think I've ever really been in a position where I've been in a situation where I would have necessarily been called out or have found out that I was colourblind. Do you know what I mean? It's never been like I've worked in design or anything. I mean, I did that exhibition of paintings and stuff, so I guess people could have turned up and gone. That probably would have been the moment. People going, what the fuck is going on here? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Why is that polar bear black? Exactly, yeah. So I did the colorblindness test and I kind of got a bit excited. It's like, yeah, what if I had – I mean, this would be amazing. 34 years old and finding out. That would be incredible. But that passed with absolutely flying color. So I know when I'm looking around, I'm getting the –

I'm seeing things as they're absolutely meant to be seen. Can we please do it together? Can we do one together? You did it, didn't you? No, I did it by myself. But, of course, I'm looking at – they don't give you the right and wrong answers. They just go, what's this? And I'm like, fucking I don't know.

And you get to the end and they give you this weird sort of result like, you are a cognitant. You are a fuckwit. No, I wish they said that. Then I'd know. So it's pretty interesting how it works. It's a circle that's made up of little different dots. And in the middle, there'll be a letter that is also comprised of dots. And as you go further and further along, the color of the number sort of becomes closer and closer

to the colours that are around it. So it sort of starts to blend more and more in and you have to answer what number you're seeing. So if you were massively colourblind at a certain point, you would just be seeing a circle that's got nothing in it. Right, so that's what happened. Yeah, and for me it was like I could answer it any time. I was getting deeper and deeper into it going, not sure, not sure.

I'm just looking at a circle. I don't know. Wow. Just seeing stuff. That's so interesting. Yeah, yeah. Let's take it any time. I was getting deeper and deeper into it going, not sure. I'm just looking at a circle. I don't know. Wow. Just seeing stuff. That's so interesting. Yeah, yeah. Let's take it together later. You can't cheat on this thing.

You're not getting to use my beautiful perfect eyeballs for your unfairness means to cheat at the colour blind test. No, I'm more like you can take it for yourself again and then I'll just watch and go. You tell me when you tap out. Yeah. Okay. I would be interested to see at what point you're out.

Because there's those hearing tests that you can do online that are just a YouTube video and your ears deteriorate over age and there's just a frequency that at a certain point when you're watching it, you're like, I can't hear anything. Yes. But someone younger than you would be like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yes. Yes. I can hear this perfectly.

Yes. younger than you would be like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yes, yes. I can hear this perfectly. Yes. I just want to just be in the presence of someone who knows what colours are. Let's do that later.

But Benjamin Green. Benjamin Green, what ice cream flavour? Last week, we determined what ice cream flavour each person was off their first name. Now, should we be doing that or should we be sort of using their whole name as a... I mean, I just think it's a bit... I think it's a bit cleaner to just be like,

this is a first name and this is the vibe I get of an ice cream. All right. And that way anyone listening with the same name can be like, oh, there you go. Yeah. Okay. Benjamin, do you want. Yeah. Okay. Benjamin. Do you want me to go first?

I'm getting the vibe I'm getting off Benjamin is it's certainly, I feel like I'm reading tea leaves because I'm just swirling it around my head. Do you want to count down and we'll say it at the same time? No, because I'm still figuring it out. Okay. All right. I've got one. I'm still getting the vibe.

Yeah. I'm certainly, it's certainly getting closer to chocolate than I think I've been before. It's something approaching chocolate. It might even be like a dark chocolate. Might even. Oh, that's not bad. Yeah. I'm getting something like that.

One of those like. Something rich or maybe something. Yeah, one of those like really like deluxe kind of chocolates. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like mixed in. Do you want to know what was in my head? Maybe it was like a Black Forest. Oh, yeah. Black Forest type thing. Do you want to know what was in my head first of all? Maybe even like a Black Forest type thing.

Do you want to know what my gut instinct was? What's that? Rum and raisin. Okay. Yeah. I don't see it myself but then again,

we've made it clear. I don't see a lot of things. Yep. Yeah. I'm going to go with some form of rich, maybe dark chocolate.

Something in there. Something stuck in there. Something gooey in there. I also feel like I'm having a hard time just kind of recall. There's so many ice cream flavours now. I need to take a little trip down to Messina and just take a photo of inside where all the ice creams are. And they're like, yeah, what would you like?

I'm like, nothing for me, thanks. Just reminding myself of what flavours exist so I can talk about them on my podcast. Yeah, there's just a guy named Gerald that we need to know what ice cream he is. I'm just doing nothing for me, thanks. Just reminding myself of what flavours exist so I can talk about them on my podcast. Yeah, yeah. There's just a guy called, named Gerald that we need to know what ice cream he is. I'm just doing a bit of intel. Maybe that's what we should do.

Go down to Messina and just do the opposite of this game. Look at the flavours there and figure out the name that goes with them. Great, great suggestion. That's our ice cream parlour that we've set up. Yeah. I'll have a scoop of Raymond, thanks. That's the one that we, what if we somehow did that in Planet Westgate? Had desserts and they were just people's names instead of what they are.

Yeah, I mean, look, if you can find a Mr. Whippy van in a Hoppers Crossing car park and get him to come and set up shop, then go for it. Yeah, that's pretty good. What if we just had, we had dessert At Planet Westgate And it's just We just have three flavours Of ice cream And we don't tell anyone What they are

But we just You know We tell them the name Yeah We tell them our name for it Yeah No that's what I'm saying Yeah

So it's like We've got You can choose from three flavours Do you want Gary? Frank I was about to say Estelle Yeah It's George's parents

Yeah Frank, Estelle and George Frank Those are the three flavours Yeah Frank, Estelle and George. Frank. Those are the three fighters. Yeah. Frank, Ernie and Caroline. Yep. Yep.

Which one do you want out of those? I'm probably going to go Ernie. What do you think Ernie would be? Well, I don't know. You're the scoop, man. Yeah. Well, we're working on Benjamin Green at the moment. Benjamin Green.

Yeah. Look, definitely a thing to look into Dessert I think dessert I think this dessert idea For Planet Westgate Is a good idea You have your burgers You have

Well I mean We're at the home of Brown ice cream You accidentally Oh yes So just a Mr Like a soft serve thing That's out the back

Yeah That you have to Serve You have to To get your serve You hold the cup And you have to serve, you have to get your serve, you hold the cup and you have to like lie on the ground and get it scooped. Question.

What's the name, what's a colloquial name? Doggy style. For a turd. But a man's name. Oh. Is that something? My dad, because he likes to be as proper as he can, when they had a dog and he would refer to picking up its shit,

he would refer to it as a Richard III. Okay, Richard III. Rhyming slang. Yeah. I was going to say Gary, Gary Glitter Shitter. That's more, you know, shitter means toilet. The toot, yeah. The toot.

Yeah. So maybe it's not Gary. Is there another one? Is there another? that's more, you know, shitter means toilet. The toot, yeah. The toot. Yeah. Yeah. So maybe it's not Gary, but is there another one? Is there another? Boris. See, Boris,

there we go. Boris, there we go. That's probably it. Yeah. That's probably it. So Boris is one name and that's going to be chocolate.

Yep. Then we can work on the others. Yep. Cool. Okay. All right. What if we had like, you know, these are all just making sense rather than our feel for them.

But like Boris's chocolate, we had, we call it, what would we call it? What's a very, I was going to say Coldplay because you could call it vanilla, but that's not a man's name. What's a man's name? You don't think there's anyone in the world called Coldplay? No. Not as a first name. Oh, yeah, okay. So like a vanilla, just like John.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, John. John's vanilla. It's the standard name they use for a corpse that they can't identify. Yeah, yeah, Boris John. Boris John. And then what's strawberry? Elton.

I was about to say something along those lines. Yeah. Boris, John and Liberace. Those common three names. Wow, I've never seen a Mr. Whippy Van get cancelled before, but there's a first for everything, folks. There we go, there we go. Thanks, Benjamin.

Thanks, Benjamin. Benjamin. All right, thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. Oh, wow. Now, this is a fully formed great name. Okay. This is a great name. Yep.

Thank you very much to... Rocky Road. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Samantha Valentine. Yes. That's a great name. Valentine. Yeah. As in, no crazy spelling, the day.

That's it. Yeah, great. The saint himself. Fantastic. Yeah. The patron saint of anal. Yep The Saint himself. Fantastic. Yeah. The ancient saint of anal. Yep.

Saint Valentine. Yep. Yep. Man, what a fully formed, verging on porn star name. I was going to say, yeah. Verging on. Yep. Just cleaned up a little bit. You know what?

More of a love interest in a comic book name, I would say. Samantha Valentine. Yeah. I mean, I would say. Samantha Valentine. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I could see adult entertainment. Oh, for sure. I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. But Samantha.

Nothing. I didn't say that was a bad thing. Samantha, you know, traditionally a, I would say, traditionally the name of a sexy woman. Yeah. traditionally the name of a sexy woman. Yeah, I mean, I would say that she's, you know, almost like the fourth character in Sex and the City. She's like New York.

Well, now that she's dropped out of the reboot, the city of New York has been upgraded to one of the four women. So the city of New York is one of the four women in the reboot of Sex and the City. So in the new version, the city of New York is one of the four women in the reboot of Sex and the City. So in the new version, the city of New York starts rooting men. Yes. That's what's going to happen. Yeah, the city of New York is fucking a younger man. Right, right, right. And the city of New York gets its tits out quite a bit.

Constantly. Right. And then there's scenes where they're all sitting around having brunch on a Sunday morning. Yeah. Three women and then just a fucking cityscape. Just talking about how it got absolutely railed the night before. Yeah, yeah. Copping it right up the kyber the night before.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay, that's interesting. I'm into this. He tried to fuck me in my Empire State Building. Yeah, he tried to stick it up my Bronx. Yeah. Yep, yep.

Samantha Valentine. Very, look, now, there's a reason why she got named Samantha in there. Because everything about Samantha is that sort of vibe in popular culture and literature. If there was a new book, a new movie came out, and there was like some church mouse called Samantha, it'd be like, no, wrong name. Wrong name. You've got this wrong. You've cast this wrong that that is not that so samantha valentine this could be you know she could and with that name this could be both the sexiest and most promiscuous listener we have right now yeah she could be the pinup of the little dumb

oh yeah yeah yeah yeah when you get to the middle of the episode and this big fold out of her comes tumbling down. Oh, yes. Maybe we should invite Samantha Valentine to try and keep her dressed down as the air vent just blows it up at a live podcast one episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is a very...

You know what we missed out on? When we used to have a Patreon magazine, could have had Samantha Valentine as page three. Yes, yes. I was doing a gig the other night and the person who was on stage was doing crowd work and saying, are there any people who were essential workers? Who thinks that they're the closest thing to an essential worker in the crowd?

And this girl puts her hand up and he's like okay what do you do and she's like phone sex operator wow he's like yep that's good fair play like you probably did yeah stop a lot of people from committing suey in those long cold lonely nights wow i'd like to meet someone who does yeah but then just this person absolutely floundering because it's like, fuck me, how do you riff on that? Like, what do you say back to that? What an idiot. I wish that would fall in my lap.

Fucking hell. That'd be great. That's awesome. Samantha Valentine. Samantha Valentine. Oh, what a treat. Valentine's Day coming up, folks. Don't forget.

Don't forget to buy your sweetie a big old teddy bear holding a box of chocolates or you'll be in the fucking doghouse. We were offered to move our date in Perth to Valentine's Day. Were we really? I was yes. Which I didn't pass on to you because I thought well

it's probably a silly idea but I was also intrigued by the idea of people being forced to bring their partners to our show. It would have been pretty funny. It would have been pretty funny. People going, oh, you had to pick. If that had been the only date available. Yeah.

The only time we can get into the state after having to delay it. Yeah. You had to fucking do it on Valentine's Day, didn't you boys? Fortunately, most of our listeners in Perth don't have girlfriends. So it probably wouldn't have affected us too much. Yeah, yeah. It wouldn't have been too much of a... Bunch of virgins over there.

Yep. Absolute bunch of losers. Yep. Don't know what I'm going to do for Valentine's Day this year. I'll tell you what I did for it last year. I went and saw the Sonic the Hedgehog movie. With Adam Knox. You should do it again.

You had a girlfriend a year ago? I did, but she was out of town. She got back from Perth that night, late. So I picked her up. After you sucked off Adam Knox. After I sucked off Adam Knox, I drove to the florist, got some flowers. Had them on the passenger seat waiting for her when I got to the airport. Just having the alarm go off the whole time because you didn't have your seatbelt over the flowers?

Yeah, they were really heavy flowers. Enough to trigger the weight sensor off the whole time because you didn't have your seatbelt over the flowers? Yeah, they were really heavy flowers, enough to trigger the weight sensor in the seat. Well, you hadn't seen your girlfriend for so long. Yeah, you got to, you know. I mean, isn't that what you do? I always buy my wife 65 kilos worth of flowers. 65 kilos of flowers, thanks. I'll have, how much flowers do you want?

I'm not sure. Can you put it in a human shape yeah I was my girlfriend's always really offended if I if the alarm

on the passenger seat doesn't go off I have I don't care enough about her if I haven't bought her her body weight in tulips

yep I get absolutely no anal for a week the guy thinking that that's romantic and but like fucks it by going

I got you I got you you, what I assume is your body weight in flowers. Yeah. A hundred and seventy kilos of flowers. Yeah, yeah. I mean lockdown's been good. I mean that means you get more flowers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You not going to the gym is better for you.

Your palm oil smells beautiful now that you've fucking absolutely hit the ripcord yeah i love anything where you imagine the guy going to do it thinking god i've hit a home run with this she's gonna be wrapped this is so romantic yeah and he just absolutely fucked it without realizing oh oh boy but thanks samantha without realising. Oh. Oh, boy. But thanks, Samantha Valentine. Thanks, Sammy. Sammy Valentine. What a name. If only I'd met a Samantha Valentine in my younger years. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Alice Curtis. Alice Curtis.

Do we have an ice cream for Samantha Valentine very quickly? Oh, banana. Let me finish. Flavoured condom. Whoa. All right. I we have an ice cream for some of you at the Valentine? Oh, banana. Let me finish. Flavoured condom. Whoa. All right. I'll have mine. Pussy juice flavoured sorbet.

There we go. There we go. Yep. More citrusy. Yeah. So it's a sorbet. That's it. Yeah.

That's exactly it. Alice Curtis. Thank you. I keep thinking you're going to say Alice Cooper. No. Yeah, that was... Well, I mean, yeah. This could be.

This could be a tribute act. This could be some other bloke that just went, you know what? Imagine if you grew up and just went, you know, I love Alice Cooper. Never really got the joke or whatever it is. Oh, yeah. What's the joke? Just a cool thing. Alice is a cool rocker.

Why wouldn't you be called that? Oh, so they named their son Alice in tribute to Alice Cooper. Yeah, without knowing that Alice as a girl's name existed. Right, right, right, right. This could be Alice Curtis, some bloke. Could be. I mean, the Curtis bit definitely makes me think that. Well, that's a surname surname You can have feminine surnames

As a guy I don't know if you know No I know but Oh you do know But it's kind of It's you know It's really throwing me off Right

Because it is such a masculine name I saw you a little bit You know your concentration Was lacking a little bit I thought you were confused About something It's getting erect And then flaccid again

It doesn't really know What's happening. Right, right, right, right, right. Yeah. So what? So hang on. Oh, wait, it's a bloke. Boing, oing, oing, oing, oing, oing.

Your dick. Hang on. Your dick was half erect because just hearing the word Alice, but then Curtis was making it flaccid. No, the way around. Oh, right, right, right, right, right, right. I thought just... Mine was just absolutely rigid because of both ones because I'm thinking of Alice Cooper.

Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. School's out. Yeah. Dick's out. Yeah. Clever stuff.

Yes. Exactly what Alice Curtis wanted when she subscribed about 12 months ago. She knew what she was in for. Waiting for this. Yeah. She's probably done about 52 weeks of uh waiting for this to come up going what i wonder what i'm gonna cop here yeah and she's absolutely predicted it this is exactly what she thought she was gonna get um a lice um yeah just the one single one single lice

um an ice cream flavor for this young woman. Hmm. See, I'm more... This is legit giving me more of a lighter flavour. I'm getting a kind of strawberry-ish sort of flavour here. Yeah. I'm getting a... One of those... Fruity, something fruity. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm getting something, like, not just, like, straight-up strawberry, but, like, speaking of Messina, like, one of the, yeah, yeah. I'm getting something like not just like straight up strawberry, but like speaking of Messina, like one of the weird flavours they do, like a Lamington or, you know. So it's got an element of fruit in there, but it's not just. I've got it. Yep. Cheesecake. Yeah, okay.

I'm going with cheesecake. Yep, yep. Have you ever had cheesecake ice cream? Yep. I haven't. There's a good Ben and Jerry's strawberry cheesecake flavor that's very yummy. Yummy in my tummy. I've got to get into it.

I like to eat it. I like doing a yummy. I like my weirdo ice creams. I eat my silly weirdo ice creams. Man, you sound so dumb right now. Are you talking like that? I'm trying to sound real smart. I'm trying my best.

Man, you're coming off well, about? I'm trying to sound real smart. I'm trying my best. Man, you're coming off... I'm trying my best. You're not coming off well, man. I'm coming off like what? You sound dumb. You sound like a dumb guy. A real dummy. Why?

What's dumb about whacking my window ice queens? No, it's happening again. It's happening again. My dumbdar is going off. Ding, ding, ding. But yeah, get your hands on a punnet of... Get your hands off it and onto this a punnet Get your hands off it And onto this

Exactly Stop jacking off With both hands Yes And wrap them around That'd be nice Just the pinky usually does me Wrap them around a big old punnet

Of Ben and Jerry's Strawberry cheesecake I wouldn't mind a bit of Just plain cheesecake ice cream That'd be good I'm just trying to imagine Because strawberry cheesecake. I wouldn't mind a bit of just plain cheesecake ice cream. That'd be good. I'm just trying to imagine. Because strawberry cheesecake, you go, cool, it's strawberry. It's not particularly cheesecake-y, I would imagine.

Yeah, it's kind of a mix, though. It's got like a bit of a cheesecake-y flavouring and there's like chunks of strawberry kind of stuff in there. Right. What do you think, here's a question for you, what do you think your mum does like cooking wise better than anyone else? Like I feel like

my mum, you know, used to make everything and you'd go, oh, this is the best, this is the definitive version of this

and then you grow up and you go, this is not the definitive version of this, this is not that good but there are still things that you'll always, yeah,

yeah, yeah. I'll go back to her for number one. Duck sandwich. No, sausage rolls. Mum's sausage are really legendary really we used to every now and then we'd have like trying to think what the reason was you'd have a day at school where you just like a parent would bring in a bunch of food or something like a fate or whatever or if there was

like an end of term thing where you'd get like a nice lunch at the end of the day. This is in primary school. And yeah, my mum was like constantly called on to come and make the sausage rolls. And then I would have friends that would come around and just like get, you know, and this is when like hanging out is kind of organised through your parents. They'd get their parent to demand, mum, get in the kitchen. Proud moment. Get in the kitchen, you old bitch. Proud moment. Come and have some of those sausage rolls.

That's good. And yeah, they are pretty fucking great. I'm trying to remember if she... Are they compact or are they those big sort of flaky ones? Big puffy ones? No, she makes them pretty small. Yeah, she makes them pretty small. I like that.

I have a feeling... I think she maybe made some for the pop-up shop that we did. I was going to say, I get a vague memory of that. Yeah, because it was a bit of an ordeal where I asked her to make duck sandwiches and she didn't really get why. And then she just was like, she just wanted to freestyle and make all this other stuff. And it was very hard to, she's like, I just don't reckon duck sandwiches are going to go down that well. What if I make this?

And I'm like, oh, it's kind of, it's not really about what's going to go down well, but I couldn't really, I have a vague memory of not being able to, she did the duck sandwiches, but not being able to talk her out of doing all the other stuff. So maybe a listener will be able to remind us of whether or not there were sausage rolls there, because we were pretty flat out doing all the sales and all that kind of stuff.

So there might be people out there that, hey, because we were pretty flat out doing all the sales and all that kind of stuff. That's it. So Sausage Rolls is yours. So there might be people out there that, hey, maybe we could get her in the kitchen with Leon, making up some Sausage Rolls. Frying up some Sausage Rolls on the grill. That'd be good. It's a 70-year-old woman in the kitchen at its place. A smashed Sausage Roll burger.

Yeah, now that would be good. That would be really good um i reckon for me it's it's uh look roast yeah love a roast but i would say it's what's made me think of it cheesecake i really oh yeah yeah mom's cheesecake but we we went and saw my parents a couple weeks ago me and uh don't say a name and blanket and as time goes on you sort of go you get further and further away you know your parents used to be the whole world and what you get introduced to in gastronomy yep and then you get away from that and you learn about all sorts of other things but i i reckon my mom hasn't learned anything since i was a kid in terms of

cooking she's just like untouched by time with that sort of thing i think that's pretty common with absolutely moms yeah yeah my mom wouldn't have i think the one new recipe my mom's ever cooked for me is since you know growing up is a quote-unquote butter chicken which i've talked about on the show before it It's not butter chicken. She's just read somewhere and it's just like tinned tomatoes and cream. And it's not, you know, it's nice, but it ain't a butter chicken. Yeah. It doesn't even come close to tasting like a butter chicken.

This is what we copped when we went and visited a couple of weeks ago. I think she thought this would be good because Don't Say A Name has got her ties to, as she repeatedly parrots to me, to Italy. To my country. To Italy. To your mate. Yep. And so she, my mum, made two different forms of pasta.

Great. And by that I mean spaghetti bolognese. Yep. And spaghetti carbonara. Yep. And made them both in some sort of weird buffet style setup in the kitchen. Now this, this is heaven for me. When I was a little kid and I'd go to Faster Pasta with my grandparents,

I'd get both. Couldn't ever make up my mind. My grandpa would be like, just get both. Definite buffet vibes and definite like kid vibes happening here. Because she always, for some reason, always made a carbonara. I don't think I've ever had a carbonara in my entire life apart from my mum. Really? I don't, I've never chose it on purpose.

How's she making it? A lot of cream? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not Italian style. I bet. In any way. In fact.

Is there even an egg in there? No. The spaghetti bolognese came out and I'm like, even me, I'm going, I'm not sure what this is. Really? So my, don't say her name, was sitting there. And she never made this growing up? No, she did, but I don't, I can't even remember for how long it's been since I've had this. Even I was like, I don't remember having this for a long, long time.

Anyway, I had it and I'm like, this is very different, but I can deal with it, whatever. My, don't say her name, I reckon probably had about five bites and went, oh yeah, I'm like, this is very different, but I can deal with it, whatever. Don't say no. I reckon probably had about five bites. I went, oh, yeah, I'm actually really full. You know, I ate before. And it was like, and we all knew. We all sat there and went, ah, the true Italian, not good enough. Doesn't really, doesn't stack up, does it?

No. Not good enough for Mama Giuseppe over here. Okay, interesting. Yeah. And then got away, away and uh i just said we got one a lot and i said what do you uh what do you think of the uh the bolognese in there and she was like what the fuck was that okay what now what do you think it was that made her say that well it was weird i don't know what it was it was some sort of homemade thing and i was like

i was like yeah look it was weird i don't know know what it was, but I just had it. Yeah. And I said, what was going on there? She goes, I reckon your mum put like, it was like full of ketchup and mustard and stuff in there. Yeah, it probably would have been. It probably would have been, if I had to guess, I'd say carrots, mince and ketchup. And that's probably it. I don't think it was carrots. Okay. No, I reckon it was ketchup in there.

Yeah. A lot of sweet sort of condiments stuck in there with an impression of tomato. Because my mum, talking about like a parent recipe that you loved growing up, I used to love my mum's bolognese. And I do still think it's good. I mean, she hasn't cooked it for ages, but my memory of it is not that it was bad, like not that I retroactively realised it was bad, but when I got older and had other ones, I was like, oh, okay.

It doesn't end with this bolognese. There's a higher level out there. But the sausage rolls will stand by to this day. It's like she's doing them at the absolute peak level. You had a six out of a ten spaghetti. Yeah. But that was a ten to you. You didn't know the numbers seven, eight, nine and ten existed.

Exactly. Six was the top. She would have been, I would guess, yeah, like mince, carrot and then, yeah, maybe not tomato sauce but like not a real slow cooked. Yeah. tomato sauce but like not a real slow cooked yeah you know you need to get in my opinion you get the mince get a couple of tins of tomatoes and then you just got to let that thing go for like an hour oh really just really get the mince to just really soak up all the tomato and my memory of it is mom's bashing the sauce out in 15 minutes yeah now that's not that's not a dinky you're not getting that really rich like well you want to say that's not a dinky. You're not getting that really rich, like, you know. Well, you had to say that's not the dinky dice spaghetti.

That's not the dinky dice bag bowl. Exactly. Yeah. Fuck. Thanks, Alice Curtis. Thanks, Alice Curtis. How have we got there? Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Rachel Hare.

Fuck yeah. H-A-I-R? No. Damn. That is such a shame because that's just someone from Friends. That's the, that's what you ask for when you watch Friends

in 1995. Rachel hair, please. I'll get the Rachel hair, thanks. I thought about, I was joking the other day with someone about just me growing my hair

out a little bit, like maybe just for like a month, just this disgusting bald man and just like, how funny it'd be to go to a hairdresser and go, ah, yeah,

give me the Rachel. Also good just to say to to anyone 20 years later yeah yeah give me the rachel give me the mary tyler moore thank you yeah give me the wilma flintstone give me the honeymooners give me alice from the honeymooners can you yep um yeah no give, look, I mean, to be honest, you could go in there and say, give me the anything. Give me the Ross. Give me the... What was his name? What was his last name? Geller.

Ross Geller. That's even better. Give me the... Give me the Gunter. Yeah, yeah. Give me the character from a sitcom that you barely even remember what they were. An absolute understing haircut. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ross just keeping it really classic. Yeah. Just thick black hair. Yeah. You know, short back and sides. Give me the Indian bloke from Big Bang Theory. Yeah.

Give me the Skippy from Family Ties. Yeah. Give me the Tina Yuthers from Family Ties. Yep. Give me the Tina Yothers from Family Ties. Give me the Michael Keaton from Family Ties. I mean, this is a good theme, Barber. You have to order... It's a person. It's got to be a character from popular culture.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't give me the short back in size. Give me the Biff from Back to the Future. Bames, they're like, nah, sorry, yeah. Don't give me the short back in size. Number two or anything like that. Give me the beef from Back to the Future. Bangs, they're like, nah, sorry, cunt. Find someone from a TV show that looks how you want to look, and then I'll do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. You give me a link on tvland.com,

and you'll get your fucking haircut. Have you ever done, this is so embarrassing, have you ever done going into the hairdresser with a picture of someone that you watched your haircut like? When I was a kid. Yeah, yeah. Did it once. Very, yeah, very dumb example.

It was like 91 or 92, maybe 91. And it was a picture of the professional soccer player, Paul Gascoigne. England phenomenon. Played for Tottenham Hotspurs. And he had a very short,

basically like a, what do you call it now? Very short back and sides, but then left a bit on top. Oh, okay. Whatever you call that these days. Not a record-breaking fucking, a little bit like an army haircut. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little bit, I guess. Yep, yep.

But pretty dramatic. I remember having the haircut and coming to school and people going, wow. Because that was, I mean, going to school and people going wow that because that was i mean going to going to school with like a shit haircut or even just having had a haircut in general yeah you just get bullied immediately but if it looks weird in any way well it's like school's like prison you know you're there every day yeah anything that's slightly different happens you've only seen them like 12 hours earlier anything if you haven't you know have if you like don't change your shirt the next day it's like oh fucking blue he's back is he yeah yeah anything different or anything the same yeah um well mine was uh when i was about

15 and i think i then did this multiple times took in in a photo of JK from Jamiroquai. I want to look like this guy, please. In my head, the coolest man in the world. Did he have dreadlocks or what did he have? No, he didn't have dreadlocks. He just had like kind of a longish fringe and sort of like a bit of like flicking out the back. A big moose on his head? He just had kind of like...

Did you ever bring it in there and go, make me look like this? And they're like, that's a hat. Yeah. Oh, okay. No worries. Yeah, no, no. How much does that cost me?

No, it's all the like, it's like all the Native American headdress and stuff that he's got on. It's like, I want to look like this. Give me that. No, you can't. You don't have enough hair and that's a hat. Yeah, yeah.

No, it was just kind of like longish hair, but sort of styled. Right. Like, you know, not just like I had grown my hair quite long. And so then it was like finally getting it chopped back a bit. And what did they say? Could they do anything about it? Yeah, they were like, yeah, let's do it. And did it look anything like that?

I guess it did. Yeah. I mean, yeah, they got, yeah, they just, it's not like some complicated haircut. Right. It was just like, it was long enough that they could like kind of style it back into that. Right. And I was wrapped. I'm like, fuck yeah.

Yeah. I'm cool like this guy. Oh, yeah. And that's, that led you to here. Yep. Exactly. Stand up comedy and podcasting. Well, thanks, Rachel Hare.

Thanks, Rachel Hare. Wait, how do you spell it? H-A-R-E. Like the rabbit. Like the rabbit. Okay, let's just do one more. We've probably gone way long. Yeah.

Okay, let's just do one more. Okay. Thank you very much. Oh, okay. Wow. Okay, all right. This, man, two in one week. Okay. Thank you very much. Oh, okay. Wow. Okay. All right. This, man, two in one week. Okay.

No, I just thought, I thought we had to. Two in one week? Yeah. I had to, I had, well, earlier on I said, I think this is the, the first, the name that we've read out that's oozed the most, you know, sexiness. Oh, okay. Samantha Valentine. Yeah. But I believe we have a, sexiness. Oh, okay. Samantha Valentine, but I believe we have a new leaderboard,

a leader. Yep. Uh, thank you very much to Patreon subscriber, Up The Bum Comedy. Oh yeah, that is really sexy. Comedy sexy.

Yeah. Yeah. And, um, yeah, Up The Bum is sexy too. That could be one of our, um,

flavors for our dessert. Up the Bum, John and Liberace. Liberace. Just two scoops of Up the Bum, please. Not in a cone. Yeah, you'll have to just go upstairs. So that one, I believe the room for Up the Bum is upstairs. Yeah, it's in a separate cool room.

Yeah, you can have the... Well, it's not that cool. It's a cubicle, I believe, is what it's actually called. But, yep, sure. Well, thanks, Up the Bum. Thanks, everyone who supports the Little Dumb Dumb Club on Patreon. Patreon.com slash Little Dumb Dumb Club if you want to get all the bonus stuff.

Two mini episodes a week with guests and they're always really, really good. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. We've got the tickets to all the live stuff on sale. Including our live solo shows. So yeah, come check out one of them or all of them if you can. If you're a real jet setter,

thanks for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, Maze.