The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 541 - Danielle Walker & Josh Earl

Episode Date: February 10, 2021

Hot off the back of both placing in our Top 5 episodes of last year it's DANIELLE WALKER and JOSH EARL! Danielle's seen a guy stuffing his face on a plane, Karl's eaten way too much before midday and saved some absolute nonsense in the notes app on his phone PLUS we've got more crazy stories from Danielle's family AND we accidentally stumble across a murder mystery! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club of Brand, new episode with guests Josh Earle and Danielle Walker. We have a few live dates coming up around the country. We have Perth, February the 28th is the rescheduled date for that show. Then the following weekend in Adelaide, March the 6th, but it's all sold out. That's it, but rumour has it, what I heard, is that there might be something else happening there, Tommy. So keep your eyes peeled on the socials. Yep. Even next week on the show, we might talk about it or whatever, but it'll go quickly as well.

So Adelaide, if you missed out or if you've got tickets and you want to see another thing, there'll be something back-to-back with it. And then Melbourne, we have Saturday afternoons, March the 27th, April the 3rd, April the 10th, April the 17th. They were sold out, but we've released some extra tickets. We got word that we could fit a few more people in. And, of course, we have March the 27th, the pop-up burger restaurant after that show. But they're all moving quickly, those extra tickets. So get on them now.

That's it. That first show with the pop-up burger restaurant happening after it is nearly sold out as we speak, so get on it. LittleDumbDumbClub.com, we'll talk to you more about all this stuff at the end of the show in Talking Dumb Dumb, but until then enjoy this new episode with Danielle Walker and Josh Earle. Hey

mates, welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow. With me, as always, is the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Joining us today, we have two great guests. Please welcome Danielle Walker and Josh Earle. Hey.

Yes. Fantastic. We're back. Welcome back, guys. Comedy's back. The original odd couple. Yeah. Fantastic. We're back. Welcome back, guys. Comedy is back. The original odd couple. Yeah. Thanks for joining us again, Danielle.

Last time we had you on it, it made the, I don't know if you were aware of this, it made our top five episodes of 2020. It broke the internet. Yeah. Great. Hugely popular episode. Who knew having so many disabled relatives would be so popular? Well, we thought it's only fair to get you back to share some more stories

where you're not going to tell them and then have a 20-second lag over Zoom where you're waiting for us to respond. Just tell this insane story and then have silence and go, is this a shit story? Are they going to react in any way? Is that what happened last time? Well, no, but, you know, it's not ideal. Yeah, because I was like, oh, I probably didn't even notice.

A lot of the time, sometimes people do take a while to respond. I may have met one of your relatives today, like about an hour ago. Where? I was walking. Look, you sound like you're genuinely believing me. What I want to make clear is this person is just a bit fucked in the head, which made me think of you. Could have been on the family tree.

Yeah, yeah, could have been. This person. Falling off and hitting their head. Yeah, yeah. They're brain infested with termites. I walked here. I can walk here from my house. Clang.

Not too shabby. And I got a bit of a cheeky bit of lunch on the way. Got a little pizza, got a small pizza. Because you turned up here with two ice creams ready to go. Now I assumed that that was the lunch. Oh, and a sausage roll. Oh, okay. I think the sausage roll was gone by the time you got in here.

It was gone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's okay because you had a small pizza. Yeah, it was only small. Okay, good. Extra cheese. So it's 1pm. Yep.

So far you've taken in a pizza, a sausage roll and two ice creams. Yes. Oh, you ate both? Mine wasn't for Tommy. Yes. No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. No.

What ice cream? I got the, look, there's a limited range because it's the, the survey near Tommy's house. So I got the, the Paddle Pop Strawberry Milkshake ice cream? I got the... Look, there's a limited range because it's the server near Tommy's house. So I got the Paddle Pop Strawberry Milkshake ice cream and I got the Mars Bar ice cream. My favourite of the syndicated chocolate bar ice cream. Did you go in there thinking, I'm going to get two ice creams? It's going to take two to satisfy this hunger? I thought I'd get one.

And then when I chose the Strawberry Milkshake Paddle Pop one, I thought, you know what? That's i got one when i chose the strawberry milkshake paddle pop one i thought you know what that's a cheap one i've saved money here i might as well buy the expensive one yeah why save the money if you're not going to use it pizza with extra cheese two ice creams yes what three months are you talking about how you're lactose intolerant now like how's that going yeah no you're trying to beat it i figured it out i figured it out you can beat it i'm lactose intolerant but if you just keep pushing if figured it out. You can beat it. You can beat it? I'm like, I'm intolerant, but if you just keep pushing, if you just keep pushing, you can bring up your tolerance. You can overwhelm us. Yeah.

I reckon I've had the same thing. The herd immunity. Yeah. I reckon I can eat more dairy than a normal person. I agree. I used to get really sick with dairy, and I was always like, I've got to do something about this, and I just never did. Love cheese, love all the good stuff stuff and it has gotten better over time.

You know what I'm going to start doing? I've just thought of this right now. You know what I'm going to start saying? I'm going to start classifying beef as dairy. Because it is. It is. That's dairy. A 45 year old man, I'm going to start saying words

wrong. That's right. That's my great idea. If milk and cheese is dairy, so is beef. Isn't it? You know what I'm going to start saying, though? I'm going to start saying the moon landing was fake. No, that's true. I think that's true.

I think this is the point in history where this changes. Dairy. Yeah. Beef is dairy. But goat cheese is dairy, so then is goat also dairy? Good point, yes. Probably yes. Thank you. You've won me dairy. But goat cheese is dairy, so then is goat also dairy? Good point, yes. Probably yes. Thank you. You've won me over. Good point you made, Dan. So if you drink the milk from the animal... You're making a lot of sense, Danielle. Well done.

Yeah, I like the way you think. Or repeat what I say. So, yeah, I have... So does this mean if you're lactose intolerant, then beef's off the table for you? Very good point. I had a burger and now I've shit myself. So you're just trying to include that

sausage roll you had. No, that'd be poor. That's a whole new world. Oh yeah, you idiot. Fuck, pigs don't live on dairy probably. I don't know, do they? Might go down

to the milk bar aka rock pool and have a big old dairy lunch. So, no, I'm not lactose intolerant. That was just a very quick theory.

What I am intolerant to Is eating a loaf of high fibre bread And by intolerant I mean I shit my pants When that happens Extreme fibre Yeah Because like one slice is high fibre

And you're having an entire loaf Yeah, yeah That's the absolute maximum intake of fibre Wouldn't that also be gluten intolerant then? I'm tolerant to it I'm just shitting my pants That's all I'm fine with that

You love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It tastes good. A bit of me time on the toilet. Yeah, yeah. Or down the street. Whatever. Yeah.

I nearly shit my pants in Maya on Friday. Oh. Because I've been in Darwin quarantine. What section? Menswear. Oh, okay. I was on my way to the menswear section. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, nobody would expect the only woman had done the shit in the men's wear section. Because I'd just been in Darwin quarantine and I'd just been eating like Deb mash and shit for two weeks. And so I hadn't had anything green. And then I got like a tub of tabbouleh and ate it. And then immediately my guts just started like really fucking up. And I had to run to the menswear. Oh, you saw the word mens before you just go to the toilet.

Yes, that's the toilet for me. That's the most fucked up toilet here. Menswear. Where? I love the idea of seeing a shit in the menswear aisle and thinking, a feminist did this. Clemforth popped out. Big statement here.

This is political activism, I reckon. I also think the female toilets in the menswear would be the best of the toilets of the whole lot because, you know, who's going there? Well, that's not as common. You don't really see that in Australia that often, but in other countries like the States and also Japan, department stores will have a toilet in them. And I've frequently been in Japan just really hammering it with the food and then just walking around a shop and going, oh, my God.

And then remembering, oh, actually, that's right. The record store has a toot in it. Thank Christ. One of those things where all of a sudden you're just looking high into the sky in a department store looking for those beautiful little icons. And they have those very vague directions, like very vague arrows where it's like, oh, it's that way, and then you go that way. It's like, that's not that way.

That was just a sort of like a slight suggestion as to what direction they're in. When you say left, you mean straight ahead, diagonally, backwards, right? Yeah, you mean there's one in Sydney. Yeah. It's those shit ones in England where you've got to pay to get in.

Oh, yeah. They're the worst. And then they've got that to do a shit. But then at night on the West End, they have these pissoirs just come out of the ground. What? And you can just piss in the street. What? What do you mean they come out of the ground?

Pissoir? Yeah. What does that mean? It's like a pole. Pissoir is... I think that's what they're called. But it's a pole that comes out of the ground at night. Yeah.

And it's got like three sides. It's like a rectangle. It's three sides. So you've got a little bit of privacy and men will just piss against them Josh I love you

but what the fuck are you talking is this a dream you had English listeners will back me up here okay you can but they come out

of the ground yeah because people will piss in the street at night it's like Lord of the Rings and so what they were doing they were like how are we going to do this

how are we going to prevent people from just pissing in the street alright we'll have designated places where people can piss. And so they come out of the ground at night when there's less foot traffic and you can just piss in the street.

I like the way you're describing it. They come out of the ground at night like they're animals that come out and go, oh, we're safe here. Oh, no, someone's pissing on me. It's like Lord of the Rings. It's like as the sun goes down, once the last bit of light disappears, the ground tremors and the piss-wa comes to life. It's like a full moon for werewolves.

Like bollards coming out of the ground. Right. That's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard about England. It's fucking bizarre. This is what it is. So you've got to pay 50p for a shit, but at night, piss wherever you want. I love that you go... Well, in the piss-wa.

Yeah. I love that you go, this was a solution yeah I love that you go this was a solution to get people to stop pissing in the street I know how we can stop this we'll just make it allowed yeah yeah yeah just put a little pole there

where they're allowed to do it the British yuck yuck and so then you piss in it and then the the thing goes down into the ground

and just brings the piss into the ground I guess there's some drainage system underneath you. I never used it because I'm a gentleman, but it just came down and then, yeah. A real, like, safety deposit box system, but with piss. Have you guys ever had this experience? I was on a plane at the end of last year flying to Perth,

and sitting there, as people are getting on, I'm starting to think, I am going to shit my pants. And what do you do? Because there's a dunny right there that you can't get into it until you're in the air. And I'm sitting there going, I don't think I'm going to be able to. Like, honestly, what do you do? Are you allowed, if you get up, to just be like, I'm sorry,

I know this isn't protocol, but I need to use the toilet. It's happening. You can delay the flight or it can happen in the seat. It's up to you. I reckon they'd let you shit in the toilet if you were going to shit in the middle of the plane. Yeah. Depends how long before takeoff, though, because they won't.

They won't start the plane without everyone in their seats. Right. But they would let me in, you think? If you say, I'm only going to be a second, I'm just going to do a piss. Yeah. No, if you said piss. No. Sorry, I need to do a wee-wee. No, I honestly don't think that they would do that.

They'd go, you know how to hold that in. But if you're like, I've got explosive diarrhea. I'm sorry, I'm so horny, I just need a jack-off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Please. And I can do it in the seat. I'm busting for a cum. I'm going to have a cum diarrhea if I don't get out of here.

You should have done it before you left home. I didn't need to do it then. I plan on sleeping on this flight and I really got to just bat one out. So just make me go nine up. I need my nature's Milo before we get into the air. Sorry, Danielle. So. No, lovely image.

You're eating a sausage roll. No, no, no. Before that, Josh. Sorry. I was having a pizza. I'm taking a pizza before the sausage roll. This is my entree. So I was sitting there outside a pizza restaurant, eating a pizza,

and this guy that was like off his, clearly something's going on with him because he had no shoes on. It's like when I was walking, it was like, maybe it was before 12 o'clock. It was about 12 o'clock, maybe before 12 o'clock. So I thought I was the weirdo by having a pizza before 12 o'clock,

but there was a guy next to me. I was going to say, this guy has pretty much an identical story at this point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Saw this Froot Loop in the street. Yeah. You didn't see what he ate after the pizza. So, he, no shoes, I'm walking down Bridge Road barefoot.

Yep. And he kept yelling at me from behind. I was just like, I'm going to block this out. He could be yelling at anyone, but it's clearly me. So, I kept going, kept going, kept going. And I turn around and go, yeah, yeah, yes, mate. He goes, do you he goes do you want do you want some pizza

and I'm like I've got a pizza like I'm I'm eating a pizza already and he's like ah yeah I guess so well there's no guessing

I've got it right here and he's behind me so you're on the move as you're eating this pizza no no no I've got my I'm sitting oh you're sitting right

I'm sitting at the front of the pizza place he's gone he's bought the pizza from the same place, I believe, then just like sat at the place next door. Okay. And he's yelling at me and he's like, oh, I've got to get rid of this pizza. I've got to get rid of it. I go, okay, yeah, man, I've already got a pizza.

He goes, fuck, man, it's hard to get rid of this pizza. Probably because everyone that walks by thinks the pizza's full of drugs. Yeah. Also, this pizza joint's doing a roaring trade before midday. They're being rapped. Yeah. Tuesday morning. Yeah.

Going off. And I go, yeah, yeah, I guess that's fair, man, isn't it? Yeah, whatever. And he goes, yeah, I don't know. I just don't like seeing wasted things. And I'm like, I'm with you, buddy. Yeah. just don't like seeing wasted things and i'm like i'm with you buddy yeah so then uh where's that man now do you think he's got a big day ahead of him i know by 12 o'clock fuck i mean hopefully hopefully someone's picked a piece or two of his drug pizza yeah and joined the club do you want a strawberry milkshake paddle pop? Oh, yeah. Or a Mars bar ice cream?

That's the difference between the two of us. I come in with three things, didn't offer any of them. That would be a very funny thing to do. Follow someone for a day, and every time they go in and order something from a restaurant or like a takeaway, you just go in and get the exact same thing. Yeah. How long do you think it would be before the person comes around and goes, can you stop this?

Yeah. It's really freaking me out. Yeah, and you're going, oh before the person comes around and goes, can you stop this? Yeah. It's really freaking me out. Yeah. And you're going, oh, did you want some? No, I just get inspired by you. I see you buy these things and I think, ooh, yummy. I'd like a sausage roll. Yeah.

I am now. So, Danielle, any relation? Does this man sound familiar to you? I mean, I don't know my biological father, so it could be a relation of that side of the family. Okay. All right. You never know.

Yeah, that's the other thing because I'm telling that story going, I reckon that's an absolute small blip on your radar for your family tree. Danielle nodded off while you were telling it. I was like, oh. Yeah. I've heard way worse. Yeah, yeah. When does it get weird?

On the plane flight to Melbourne from Darwin. So, yeah, let's sort of give a little bit of context. So you genuinely did do quarantine in Darwin. You live in Sydney. Yes. So to come to Melbourne at the moment to do a job, you had to do two weeks in Darwin. You had to go sideways in Melbourne to do quarantine and then come here.

Yeah, like in the mining. It was like a miner's dongers in Darwin Howard Springs. So bad. Have you ever seen the don Oh, yeah. In Darwin Howard Springs. So bad. Have you ever seen the donger? No. Sounds good. Only online. And in the change rooms.

I talked to, do you know Evan Desmarais? Yeah. He was like, he'd come and I asked him, I was like, do you have any info on what I should bring? Because he'd already done it. Yeah, because he was in quarantine at the time. And he just said, go to Officeworks and print out some photos of your family and friends and get some glue tack to put up on the wall.

And I was like, no. What? I'm not doing that. I've got a phone. What's wrong with the internet? Where do you do quarantine? In San Quentin? Yeah, I was going to say, is he in prison or in quarantine?

They didn't have any metal cutlery. Does he have cancer? What the hell? He didn't tell me to bring a cup. Has he got Alzheimer's? Yeah. But on the flight from Darwin to Melbourne, the man, I think maybe he'd just come straight from quarantine

because I got there and we all had like a full row to ourselves and he was just this tiny little skinny man and on the seat beside him he had three packets of family-sized chips and then two packets of lollies, like one just like an Alan's Party mix and then the other like a sour worms. And he just started eating them so fast that even like the flight attendants came over and like, well, are you okay? Wow, I've never seen someone eat snacks so fast.

That alerts the authorities. Well, they kept making fun of him, like to his face. That's awesome. They kept coming over and like putting, doing faux their hands to their mouths, like Cookie Monster. And we're like, oh, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Really? Yeah, it was crazy.

That's so good. Just flight attendants through the industry has been grounded for nine months and just like, oh, my, my, my, my, my. Really? Yeah, it was crazy. That's so good. Just flight attendants through the industry has been grounded for nine months and just like, God, I've missed this. I can't remember. Did we bully before lockdown or is this what we do? Qantas. Oh, great. Sensational. Oh, a bunch of old birds hanging shit on him as well.

Wow. And then when the food trolley came for like the lunch thing, you could choose between a chicken parma sandwich or a trio of three mini pies. And he said, can I have both? Yes, absolutely. He ate both. Yeah, I've seen it. And they were like, do you want any drinks?

And he was like, two beers. And then they're like, you can only have one beer at a time. And then he was like, no, I want two. Oh, great. And did he get it? No, he got one, but then he hassled them for more later on. And then he ate two packets of mini nuts. And then at the end, he finished it off with the complimentary lint ball that comes around.

Jesus Christ. How long is this fly? It was like four hours ten. Okay, right. But to eat that much, like my mouth would have gone nuts from all the salt. Yeah. He's just like, he's forgotten to bring the lappy or an iPad with any entertainment on. He's like, well, there's only one thing for it.

I'll just have to eat to distract myself. You know what I reckon he's done? I reckon he's timed it to do the intermittent fasting. And as soon as he's got on the plane, it's like, this is my time. It's been 18 hours. Let's go. Let's go. Once I touch down in Darwin, the diet begins.

Yeah. In the air, it doesn't count. I've seen that before. I've seen a guy eat a meal before we took off. He put in a special request to get the meal before we took off from the fucking airport. So sick. And then, because they sort of forgot, very common sense, like going, well, clearly no one's eaten yet.

They come out with another meal. He's like, yeah, I'll have lunch, thanks. And got the second meal. Love it. You see that a lot in the States, people getting on the plane with a big bag of McDonald's and hoeing into it before takeoff. And it's like, you're in this cramped seat, just get to the airport half an hour earlier.

A friend of mine sat next to someone who was so big they had to buy the two seats and they requested the two meals. Fair enough. Because I'd bought the two seats and I said, I know my rights. I get the two meals. You paid for it. Fair enough. Two iPads, thank you.

Also, look at me. How did I get into this position? Not by eating one meal. I love it's like Qantas is meant to be the fancy airline and then your meal options are a chicken parma sandwich or party pies. Oh, lady, duh. Party pie does sound pretty good on a plane. Party pie better than an actual pie, in my opinion.

They were like weird. They were like trying to be fancy. They were like spinach and ricotta. But they were also like cold. That's not a party pie. You know, no good. Well, it's cold, not a party, is it? Yeah.

Shit party. Can't party in winter. Yeah. You know, no good. Well, it's cold, not a party, is it? Yeah. Shit party. Can't party in winter. Yeah. It's outrageous. If you were somewhere and you picked up a cold pie, your first thought isn't, I'm at a party. You're thinking, oh, this is the party's finished long ago. No one says, hey, we're going to have a party.

Bring your coats. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bring an oven. I only just remember just then, but I remember once when I was living in the UK, we're on the bus and a lady just ate like a roast chicken from the bag. Don't mind that at all. But you know how they're in like that bit of wet at the bottom of the bag?

That's my issue. The gel. Tell me she didn't tip the bag upside down at the end and suck the rest out of her something. Tell me that. I have a real weird thing about that. Like if someone's like, especially like if it's a dairy thing, not beef, but the other type, the original dairy, before it got reclassified.

Dairy classic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Original. Dairy original. When someone licks the lid and stuff like that, I've got a real aversion to that. So you open a yogurt and you lick the lid.

Yeah, don't like it. Clean it out. Is it the foil or just the... Something about it shouldn't be done. You've got enough in the fucking bucket. Have that. Don't be licking... It's like licking the wall or something to me.

Don't do that. Yeah. It's like something bursting out of a pack and going on the wall. You go, no, that's gone now. You don't lick the wall. But what if you pour gravy on some dairy, like your beef, and then it falls off onto the plate and you've got a bit of bread. Do you mop that up?

Is that all right? That's okay, yeah. But don't lick the plate. Don't lick the plate. Okay, you don't lick the plate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's okay, I think. Same thing as with someone with crisps or chips,

when they start licking the fucking packet. Yeah, that's too much. Nah. If you got a Zoopa Doopa, if you cut the end off and there was a little bit of ice block at the end, would you suck the little bit of ice block out? No.

Oh, that's gone. That's your side. So that's gone. That's crazy. I'm a gentleman. Sorry. Apologies for being raised properly. Sorry, everyone.

I think it's a bit of a child's thing too. It's like licking the beaters. I remember doing that kind of thing when I was a little kid because you just feel like I've got to get all of it. Who knows when I'm going to get another ice cream? I can't let any of this go to waste. And then you get a bit older and you're like, there'll be other ice creams.

So what if I'm missing out on some little scraps? What about a punnet of ice cream? Like on the top of the punnet, do you get your spoon and cut it up? Oh, that's great. That is good. No, that's gone. That's just wrapping. That's packaging at this point. That is good. No, that's gone. That's just wrapping. That's packaging at this point.

That's gone. That's in the bin. This is classist. Will you let... By the way, this is the official connoisseur style of eating from someone who eats three ice creams in one go. That's why you need three ice creams because you're missing all that good stuff on the top.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What my mum used to do, she'd do diets for a long period of time and she'd not buy any sweets for the house at all and you'd go a bit crazy. I used to go to the fridge and get those chocolate-flavoured worm tablets out and eat all the chocolate-flavoured worms. Oh, my God. For the dog?

No, no, no. They were for us. You had worm tablets? Yeah. You have to worm. Yeah, the chocolate-flavoured ones. And you'd just have spent four months with mum just being like, if you're hungry and you want something sweet,

you can have an apple or a dried apricot. And you're like, I'm going to murder you, mum. You're going through withdrawal. I may have told this story on the show before, but we had the laxative chocolate in our house and we fed it to our neighbour, Danny, the whole block, and he just absolutely shat his pants straight away. And he was too embarrassed to tell his parents.

Imagine if he hadn't. Imagine what sort of person you're dealing with. But he was too embarrassed to tell his parents that he'd messed himself and so he went and got a tennis ball, cut the tennis ball in half, shoved his shitty undies in there because he'd washed himself off but they were still stained so shoved them in there and then taped it up and then threw it in the backyard. Like just threw it over the back paddock.

Why couldn't you just hide them in the bin? Why couldn't he just throw his undies in the back paddock? I don't know. He could have just walked 40 metres put them down there. Yeah, I think he didn't want because, you know, they'd find kids' undies.

Right. Yeah. He's been in abduction. That was a regular thing. People would go through the back paddock for kids undies. And he didn't want to be another one of the numbers. He's been in abduction. The kid was really scared.

Yeah. We need a DNA test in finding this missing person. Yeah. Someone's been kidnapped and apparently it was quite a shock. So, oh, yeah, so what about this? So I know, you know, we're all just sort of like building up to, we want to go back into the Daniel Walker family tree. So I know that you've got notes on your phone

to remind you of things that you thought might be worth talking about. And it made me think, I'll go into my notes on my phone because I've got a little page saved for when something will happen uh and i'll go oh this will be good to talk about on the show so i've got my little page here and i clearly i put some notes in there when i'm out at night when i'm you know in a different state of mind and i you know that thing where you write a note and you go i know what this means yep got a few that I've got fucking absolutely no idea what they mean. Well, this can be a game show almost. You tell us and then we'll try and work out what it is.

Absolutely. I've got two good ones here. Love him, bro. Yes. I've got two good ones, I reckon, here. If you can tell me what this could possibly have meant. Yep. All right.

Especially when you're in the mind frame of like, something's happened to me. Is there a time stamp on this note? No, no, no. Okay. Can you give us a vague? No. This is all within, let me see.

This is all within two weeks. Okay. Last two weeks, I would say. Two to three weeks. Number one. Note. I'm weeks, I would say. Two to three weeks. Number one. Note. I'm going to fuck Chris Farley. That's my note.

I'm going to fuck Chris Farley. Yeah, what do we think that could mean? You overheard someone say that? Oh, maybe. But he's dead. He's been dead for 20 years. Well, that's what makes it an outrageous thing to have heard. Yeah, right, right.

Okay. That would be a outrageous thing to have heard. Yeah, right, right. Okay. That would be a weird thing to say. Yeah. Chris Farley was in the film Tommy Boy. Is this code that you want to fuck your good friend Tommy the Boy? The Boy. Yeah, right. Very good instinct. I'm making a code to myself.

Yes. Right. Just remember, you're sexually attracted to your friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't forget this. Is this like the Bourne Identity or whatever when there's like some code gets read out and all of a sudden, boom. Yeah, yeah. You're a sleeper agent.

I'm a sleeper agent. Yeah. I'm going to sleep with you, agent. A rooter agent. Right, right. What were the lyrics to the Adam Sandler, Chris Farley song? Oh, the one at the end of his special? Yeah, like were you going to do like a parody of that?

I've never seen it, so I don't know. I'm probably not. You really should. It's a great special. I'm going to rule that one out, but I can't rule out that I'm going to fuck Tommy Russell. That's more realistic at this point. A few drinks down, you're like going,

I'll rhyme myself in the morning when I'm sober. I won't know what this means. I don't want to fucking sober, but when I'm drunk, I'll know exactly what this means. When I've got the beer cups on. But you're saying you've never seen the special but you don't remember writing the note so it could be possible that you were watching the special and you've forgotten watching the special and you wrote the note you're like I'm gonna parody Adam Sandler's touching tribute at the end of his stand-up special to his deceased friend Chris

Farley everyone's familiar with it I'm gonna write a parody of it that's about wanting to fuck it okay three good options I think it's got to be one of those three all of them have got a bit of work to be done

they can't just like pull it out right now on the show so okay I'll go back and work on one of them debut this anecdote at a live show

when Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman were doing that I had sex with Matt Damon yeah maybe you're doing that okay I'm going to fuck Chris Farley

fucking Chris Farley and Tommy says I'm gonna fuck David Spade right Carl's wants him in a graveyard with a shovel just trying to get

the corpse out ready to go David Spade sucked me off that's Tommy's song okay thanks guys just root me

that's Tommy just root me that's good that's good alright number two just yes anding here guys you're really good at it you're a regular Wayne Brady

so good I'm saying that based on the makeup you're wearing alright second one and this is this is there's probably more to play with here maybe

let's see this is look I have to say the I'm going to fuck Chris Farley. I have no memory of writing that. This one, I have a vague memory of it, but I just have no idea what the context is. It's like you're in a movie and you see the note and then we like flashback and the camera's like really wobbly and blurry. I do remember writing this down and thinking, this is good.

Okay. All right. This is good. All right. Right. This will be something. I remember remember writing this down and thinking, this is good. Okay, all right. This is good. All right. This will be something. I remember thinking, this will be good. So that says that when you wrote the Chris Farley one,

you could have well been thinking, this is complete shit, but I'm going to put it in the notes up anyway. That could have been a trap I laid for myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whereas this one, I have a vague memory of this. This could make me a star. This is something. All right, so this is the note.

Why don't they make the entire plane out of the black box? Man, I wish I had that. This is, here's the note. Here it is. That fucking cunt they call Old Blue Eyes. Okay. So Frank Sinatra. I've got very angry at Frank Sinatra.

You really go on the dead dudes. Horny for Farley and angry at old Frankie. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe I got angry at him because he called New York, New York too many times. Maybe. I don't know. So what was it again?

That fucking cunt. Fucking cunt. They call old blue eyes. They call. They call. I would never lower myself to using that nickname. Well, clearly I call him that fucking cunt. That's my nickname for him.

What if he was about to come out and play Mac the Knife and it's like, here he is, That Fucking Cunt, Frank Sinatra. That's pretty good. That is a good stage name. Okay. I think what I just said then is as good a bit as anything. I'm sure it couldn't be as good as even that, whatever the fuck it was. That fucking cunt they call Old Blue Eyes.

Have you been listening to any? No. Because it seems to me like you were talking about him to someone and you got really worked up. And you go, you know, that fucking cunt that they call old blue eyes and you just liked the rhythm of it and how it sounded. You're like, I've got to remember that phrasing for something. I do remember being on a tram.

I've got a vague memory of being on a tram maybe while it was happening. So maybe that was something to do with it. All right. Maybe me contrasting my life to Frank Sinatra's while I'm on the fucking 75. Yep, heading home. Heading into Richmond and thinking of him on stage. Was this another overheard conversation then? You heard someone say, oh, that fucking cunt they call old Blue Eyes.

We've got a regular Oslo Davis over here. Some guy's had too much pizza. Yeah, yeah. He's saying my way. Yep, yep, yep. Maybe because, like, you know the my way murders? You know how there's that thing in Thailand where, because they're really into karaoke over there?

In where? In where? Ah. Hang on. Asia. Somewhere. No, you can say it. No, it's fine.

It's fine. I think. Yeah, that's the word that's activating something in me right now, actually. They're in, somewhere in. Southeast Asia, yes. They love karaoke. now, actually. They're in somewhere in... Southeast Asia, yes. They love karaoke. Yeah.

And so apparently one of the songs, when people sing My Way at karaoke and they're bad at it, it does something where people switch and a lot of people have been murdered after they've sung My Way at karaoke. What? At karaoke. A bad karaoke? Yeah. Wow.

Look, it makes people go crazy. Regrets. I've had a few choosing this song with a big one. Yeah, it's a thing for some reason. People get murdered after they sing My Way. The ultimate challenge.

Hopping up at a karaoke bar in Bangkok and you're halfway through and you just see some switchblades being brandished. You're like, oh shit. Better lift my game. Fuck. Now that is a fucking musical game show.

Yeah. None of this sort of like switch your seat around and it was racing the wrong direction. Yeah. Do a good song or get fucking next. The masked and gagged singer. Yeah. Fuck.

Yeah, so maybe they were angry at him for riding it. So you think that Carl might be the My Way murderer? Potentially, yes. He goes over to Thailand a lot. Yes. And there have been many murders in the last 18 months. Wow, if we cross-reference these with trips that Carl's taken over there. Trail of dead bodies.

I've got some more information. The My Way killings are a social phenomenon in the Philippines. Oops. Uh- Philippines. Oops. Uh-oh. Oops. Uh-oh. Someone's going to die and someone else is going to get cancelled. Referring to the number of fatal disputes which arose due to the singing of the song My Way,

popularised by that fucking cunt, Frank Sinatra. That fucking cunt they call Old Blue Eyes. That fucking cunt they call Old Blue Eyes. The New York Times article estimated the number of killings to be about six up to 2010. Because it says... I thought you were saying about six or up to 2010. No, that's what I thought I said. That's a huge... Tommy, don't interrupt me.

Carl, do go on. Between 2002 and 2012, numerous people were killed for singing this song. Explanations for these incidents differ from the song being simply frequently sung among the nation's karaoke bars where violence is common or to perceived aggressive lyrics of the song. Fucking hell.

Wait, so people aren't sure whether it's There's multiple reasons For killing someone Who's singing my way It could be either badly Or because they just Don't like the content Of the song

Too much political stuff In that song Yeah yeah yeah I thought it was Because they were bad At singing it Well no that is part That's one of the

That's one of the possible reasons Attention to these killings Peaked in May 29 2007 When a 29 year old Karaoke singer Was shot dead By a security guard At a bar in San Mateo,

Rizal. The guard had complained the young man's rendition of My Way was off-key but the man refused to stop singing prompting the guard to pull out a.38 caliber pistol

and shoot the man dead. What the fuck? Karaoke over there sounds great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is. Private room, thanks. Yeah.

Fuck. I'd love thanks. Yeah. Fuck. I'd love it. I'd love for someone to do the franchise over here and have the what about me killings. Yeah. Yeah. How are you following that one? Just a man gunned down halfway through all blue eyes.

Yeah. You're next up. Last orders. For the last train out of Sydney. Last orders, guys. Fuck. That's great, guys. Fuck. That's great. Yeah.

Filipino. This is really... Fights often sparked over breaches of karaoke etiquette, such as performing the same song twice. That's good. Yeah. If you got killed for that, fair enough. Fair enough.

Laughing at other performers or simply hogging the microphone. Yeah. All fair. Yes. All fair. Yes. All fair. Wow. That is... Just having the hint of that in the room as well

would put everyone on their best behaviour. Absolutely. Are you going to go up and sing? No, I can't sing. All right, we won't push it then. I love this. So this goes into the actual lyrics itself. This is the other reason.

Butch Alberason, the owner of Centre for Pop, a Manila-based singing school, also believes the lyrics for My Way increase the violence. The lyrics, as he explained, evoke feelings of pride and arrogance in the singer as if you're somebody when you're really nobody. It covers up your failures. That's why it leads to fights.

Right, so that security guard who's just like, you know, gunning a man down in cold blood on the stage he's like, well, I did it my way. Say what you want. Say what you want about the legality of it. Is there something about people up there saying, I did it my way, and people are going, no,

that's my way. You did it my way. That's my way. I'll be singing Smash Mouth's All Star All Star is the modern my way. You did it my way. That's my way. I'll be singing Smash Mouth's All Star. All Star is the modern my way, isn't it? I'm an All Star. I did it my way. Do you think there's ever been a murder over the choice between someone doing it my way or the highway?

Yeah. Is that possible? Yep. Someone chose the highway and boom. You're right. So that is a wild theory. So that seems to claim that the someone's watching just hearing the lyrics to the song they're like yeah you know what

why aren't i fucking living more for myself this guy up there who's off key he's right i should just be doing more things for me that is insane it does seem like i mean the song is kind of braggy because it's like you you know, when you talk to somebody in comedy and they're like, man, if you just keep gigging hard, things will happen for you. You just got to keep pushing, keep pushing, keep pushing. You got to grind, man. Knock on some doors.

Yeah. It's like saying that the song fires people up, though. It's such a placid, it's so like slow. That is so good. There's so many people being killed singing this song when the first two lines are, and now the end is here. And so I face the final curtain.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe it's like they're just asking for it. You're the one doing it. Dude, I'm just telling you. I'm just following up on what you're saying. You're asking for it. Sounds like off-key victim blaming to me. That is.

Okay, so this doesn't get us any closer to solving the mystery of what that phrase is in your notes. Can I say one more thing? Because there's just a note of karaoke rage in other countries now. Karaoke rage? Yeah. Now, this goes back to Thailand. This is what you were originally saying. In March 2008, I hadn't been to Thailand at this point, so I'm clear of this one.

A man was arrested in Thailand. Citation needed. A man was arrested in Thailand for shooting eight people to death, including his brother-in-law, in a dispute stemming from several karaoke offerings, particularly including the repeated rendition of... Now, I think this is a good point for you guys to guess what song. What song was sung so many times in Thailand in 2008 that it caused a man to shoot eight

people to death, including a relative? Okay. Paradise by the Dashboard Light by Meatloaf. No. Sweet Caroline. No. Is it commonly known Western pop song? Is it by Queen? No. Celine Dion? No. Is it like commonly known like Western pop song? Is it by Queen?

No. Celine Dion? No. My heart will go on. No, it won't. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm.

Can we have a clue? Can we have some form of clue? American? American. I would say Virgin on country. Sweet Home Alabama? No. Okay. Have one more? No. Okay.

Have one more guess each. Okay. Kid Rock. No. Danielle, last guess. Come on. It's all on you, Danielle. Country-ish, I would say.

I don't know. Country-ish. Is it? No, that's definitely country. The man who's Miley Cyrus' dad. Billy Ray? Yes. Oh, that's definitely country. The man who's Miley Cyrus' dad. Billy Ray? Yes.

Oh, showing your age there. I'll have you know, Miley is the girl who is Billy Ray's daughter. Sorry I'm young, Carl. Please, a bit of respect for one guy with one song as opposed to her with a million hits. He's not Jesus' dad. He's a god, I think you'll find The song was Mr Ray Cyrus is my father Eight people

Gunned to death Over the repeated rendition of John Denver's Take Me Home Country Roads I used to go to sleep To his best of all time Greatest all time hits when I was a child Including that song And Gunfire.

Leaving on a jet plane. There was the song Annie's Song by John Denver that my mum and dad like walked into the church to that song when they got married. And I found out later on that when John Denver broke up with that wife, he like hacked up their marital bed with a chainsaw. And all that happened before mum and dad got married to that. But the internet wasn't around. They walked out of the church to a whole new world from Aladdin

and once we were on a family road trip and it came on and my dad said, what the fuck is this shit? That is great. Hacking up the bed with a chainsaw. What song had it been singing? All right, all right. That is great. Hacking up the bed with a chainsaw. What song had it been singing? What? All right, all right. All right, moratorium on Wikipedia for the rest of the episode.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. Man, that is... But thank you. That's brought up a very lovely vein of information there. Yeah. The karaoke murders. You got a lot to play with when you work backwards from those notes and try and turn them into some form of gold.

It was the friends I made along the way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Now, look, Danielle, let's get into it. The family tree. Can we have another installment on the Walker family tree? Danielle, pig snout.

What could this possibly mean? Last time we talked about your granddad and how he had, well, he wrote all these information on fridges at the back. Yeah. Did you talk about the information in the steam on the shower? Oh, mate, I don't know. Did we talk about that? I don't think we did.

Okay. Well. This is a good one. So, as I said last time, I went to my grandad's for Christmas. Right. So, your grandad, what,

lives out in the country in Queensland. Yeah. Like I said, he had all those fridges. He just used, he didn't use them for refrigeration.

He used them for information. Yes. He wrote advice on the fridge. And a storage for screws to keep wraps out and stuff. Cold screws.

Yeah, yeah, sure. Not for food, Tommy, you idiot. Like, for storage,

it's like, yeah we i mean we get it yeah uh and he's also he's also did he miss it did someone say these are for storage he thought stories and that's why he was writing all the shit on them when we walked into the shed and granddad turned to jono and said um your boyfriend yeah my boyfriend and said um this is what we did before computers yeah yeah about yeah, yeah. We've got permanent marker on the fridge. You are the only man who has written in permanent marker on 25 fridges. Yeah. Maybe we'll get into it, but he's also a UFO fan, isn't he?

Yeah, he loves, he's big into UFOs. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, so we were at his house for Christmas and I went to the toilet and then I walked into the bathroom to wash my hands. And so I saw something written. Is it weird that I've just thought of the two words, the shining, for the last minute? So I walked in and on the shower door in probably letters that are about 20 centimetres high in permanent marker. What you're showing us is more 30 centimetres but whatever.

Yeah, 30 centimetres is the word AIDS. Written. Remember, remember it's out there. And I walked out. This is what we did before the ads of death and the bowling ball. This is what we did before the vaccine. So I walked out to ask why AIDS was written on the shower door because I thought maybe my cousin had done it as a joke.

It was your grandad's new version of Musical Jeopardy and you came out and you said, what's this? And he goes, Freddie Mercury. It's great that you're not scared to ask questions like this when you stumble across an event like that. I'd be like, I'd better not bring this up. Well, nobody warned me.

Drug pizza man. I just said a couple of words to him and that was it. But as soon as I walked away, I was like, man, I wish I'd have got his whole life story but you were doing the right thing he asked granddad what was wrong and he said that he kept forgetting to take his hearing aids out when he would get in the shower and so he'd have to keep getting new hearing aids and they cost like a few thousand dollars right and so nana said i'll write yourself a note and put it on the shower door. And instead of putting a post-it note up, he wrote in permanent marker on the glass.

That they just had renovated too. And so then everyone that ever visited the house went, no, I don't reckon I'll use that soap. That is pretty funny to be like, I keep forgetting to take my hearing aids out instead of it just being like, wow, I can hear this water running really clearly. Oh, yeah, okay, better take this thing out. Yeah, just every time he has a shower, he just hears a short circuit in his ears. Yeah, that's natural. The water was very buzzy today.

I don't know what it taps. A lot of static electricity and electricity in the shower. Great. But I think last time when I was on, I talked about how my granddad, I talked a bit about how he'd seen like a ship on the Christmas morning and he looked out and it was shaped like a cigar. Oh, you mean like a UFO? Yeah, he'd seen a UFO.

And I think I mentioned that he told me that in the Tully Army Camp, he'd seen dead alien bodies in the facility. Great. I think I mentioned that last time. Yeah, in Tully. That's in like country Queensland or something, isn't it? Yeah, it's like North Queensland is the capital of rain in Australia. It doesn't Tully.

It doesn't quite roll off the tongue like, you know, Roswell. It's Australia. Or Area 54. It's Australia's Roswell. Yeah. Tully. Tully. Have you seen the martians up in fucking tully the more we're saying it i don't mind it yeah it's great there is a story but it was like in the 1950s where a farmer um had he saw a ufo hovering over his field and then his neighbor his dog went crazy and they went down and apparently they saw the UFO go away

and then there was like over the lagoon, there was a big circle of grass all swirled up and then the RAF came to check it out and they said, no, it was just a, yeah, it was just a whirly-whirly and then all the farmers were like, mate, we've fucking seen whirly-whirlies and a whirly-whirly wouldn't fucking do that, all right?

I love that they're experts on whirly-whirlies. To be fair, not experts on Martians. So there's a bit of in between there. But I wanted to talk to my granddad about the alien body that he'd seen because he said it just looked like, in my memory, he said it was an alien and it just looked like a human but with a big head. And I called mum up to be like,

do you remember granddad talking about that alien? And then mum goes, oh, he didn't see an alien. He saw a melon man. And I said, what the fuck's a melon man? Which is almost, I mean, I've never heard of a melon man. That's probably better than an alien. We've discovered a new species that isn't even the stuff of folklore yet. Yeah.

And so I made her like, I was like, how do you spell that? And I was Googling it and it wouldn't come up and I typed heaps of different spellings and it wouldn't come up. And I was like, mum, I can't find anything for melon man. And she goes, oh, that must be what the locals call it. It's a yaoi. Okay. So what?

She's like, ah, yeah, granddad's foolish. She is. If he's got an alien, it was simply an abominable snowman. Yeah. The yaoi far moreominable snowman. Yeah. The Yowie far more of a fantastical. Yeah, it's like an Australian bush abominable snowman. They're sort of, yeah, the same as a Bigfoot. Bigfoot.

I think it's a lot more understood to be fiction than, you know what I mean? I think you'd find way more people that are like, aliens are out there than there are people that are like, yeah, the Yowie exists. it's like going it's not an alien it was one of the ferals okay it was aggro it was a violet crumble it was a tv show when i was a kid that the the kind of like the sidekick which was a puppet was howie the yaoi okay and so it was just a hairy blob of a puppet yeah and that that was the saturday morning fun show so on one

episode they would have kids send their birthdays in and the photo was their birthday and they'd read about it. And a girl from my school sent hers in and she looked quite simian looking. And they would have captions like, hey, it's Saturday. And they just went underneath her photo, gorillas in the mist. Oh, my God. On her birthday.

Oh, no. So she had to rock up to school on the Monday and we'd all seen it. We're like, hey. Gorillas in the Mist Oh my god Oh my god On her birthday Oh no So she had to rock up to school On the Monday And we'd all seen it And we're like Hey And how old was she? Like eight

Oh no Reboot that Reboot a kid show Where the kids just get Absolutely slammed Down by some adult So that was A Tasmanian TV show

A Tasmanian kid show I love that Because that's That's someone Watching Hey Hey On a Saturday And going I love that because that's someone watching Hey Hey at Saturday and going, I can do this.

It's like, that's not to be played with with inexperience. No. It's that sort of technology. You need pros like Fifey and Blackers to really...

Exactly. To do the racism properly. Yeah, to handle those hazardous chemicals. Absolutely. Yeah, you've got to have the gear on. Those guys that don't

have the gear on. That said though, this person, they've fucking done a pretty good job in spite of not being a professional. Wow. Those guys that don't have the gear on. That said though, this person, they've fucking done a pretty good job in spite of not being a professional. Wow.

Well, that reminds, because it's lucky that's not around anymore. That's what I was going to say. That's what I was thinking about you, Daniel, where there's all these old farmers that have

got these stories about fucking cigar shaped things in the sky and whatever. It's like, it's funny how there's not as many of those UFOs going around since

we all got phones. Yeah. Isn't it? Not as many Bigfoot sightings. No. I want to go back to that. I love the idea of like, was it Romper Room where they do the like, read out the birthdays?

Where it's just like every name, like, happy birthday, John Smith. Sounds like a bit of a cunt to me. I think someone already does that now, I think. I think it's us. God damn it. But funnier if they're children. We need to have Kids Corner Patreon Yeah yeah

Put your pocket money in 40 cents a month And we'll just Absolutely abuse you Just like a Dolomite account Yeah You put in every week

Start them early To us And then once a year On your birthday We call you a cunt Yeah Great Oh fuck

So Sorry Is your grandfather Still with us? Yeah yeah no He's He's obviously not sorry is your grandfather still with us yeah yeah no he's he's obviously not with you but he's with us yeah yeah he's still they're all pretty young still yeah right they're like nearly 70 my grand you should you should ask him give him a text i want to go up and just talk to him for a few days i want to get them to tell me all their like life stories and then go into all the stories with them yeah and then i also just want to get them to tell me all their life stories and then go into all the stories with them.

And then I also just want to go talk to all the old men in country Australia at the pubs and get me to tell all their yaoi and alien stories. What's the name of Tully? Tully. Ever since, because my mum, when she sent me that, she's just started sending me yaoi articles all the time on Facebook. It's just like the algorithms. Like you brought it up once and all of a sudden you're getting flooded with it.

Yes. Sorry, can we use its proper name, the Melon Man? The Melon Man. Yowie sucks. I never want to hear the phrase Yowie again in my life. I honestly thought when you said Melon Man was like a word for elephant Titus where someone just had a huge melon-sized head. There's a Yowie.

I thought it might have been like the most common thing that people got brought into Tully Hospital for. Another bloke with his head in a melon. Mr Bean style but with melons. It's our version of having a champagne bottle up the arse or whatever. It's just a melon over your head. But one of the news articles mum sent me was just like, it was like a man who was hung over in the bush and on a termite mound he

saw a poo and he said it was too greasy to be a human shit and that was his proof it was an alien and it made the paper it was a yowl oh wow there's a photo of it in the article i've seen them all i've seen hundreds of it and i've never seen one glistening like that. In the photo in the paper, could you see how greasy it was? No, because it's like, I'll find the photo. Oh, you've got it. They printed it on special paper so you could really get that across. This is why print should not be dead, people.

I mean, the guy who said that, he's clearly never seen the shit of a man who's eating two ice creams of sausage roll and a pizza before noon. I imagine there's an absolute fucking bottle of olive oil when it comes out. Also, shitting outdoors still rejects out as well. The most recent lot of photos my mum sent me

include the Willy Willy UFO thing from 1955. And again, we've seen Willy Willies and that's not one. That's not one, no. I mean, to be fair, we've seen willy-willies and that's not one. That's not one. No. I mean, to be fair, that was just a bunch of flattened lucent. So I reckon I have seen that before, but whatever. Okay. This is just, we're going through millions of fucking links from your mum.

Here we go, poo theory over yaoi. That's the poo on the termite mound. Wow. We are seeing a picture of a poo there. Color photo too. Yeah. That's good. I liked at the bottom of it, it said, a local resident who did not wish to be named for

fear of a backlash shared one piece of evidence on behalf of a friend, another pretty shy country sort of bloke who doesn't like any attention. And then he said, whatever did this decided to break the termite mound and poo on it. No animal I know of would slash could do that. Also, the poo looks nothing like pig, roo, emu, et cetera. He reported feeling a sense of being watched. That's great.

No human being would ever disrespect a termite now that much. Who would? Nothing but a yowie, melonhead or alien would take a dump directly. Too greasy to be a human too as well, which is great. I just imagine some old farmer who's diets to shit just going, I don't have fiber, I don't drink water. Every trip to the toilet is going to be a real strain,

a real challenge. It's the ultimate act of disrespect. I love kicking over the termite mound before you shit on it as well, just decimating these poor termites. What idea has someone got of other beings? Other beings have greasier shit than us? Is that how that works? I guess if they've got a higher fat content or something.

I don't know enough about fecal matter, to be honest. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like, you know, you know the reputation of the aliens for, like, you know, abducting people and doing experiments on them. I've never heard sloppy shits involved. It's not a cliche, I don't think. It's like you going for a run and being trapped outside and having to shit in the street.

It's like the aliens come down for a bit of a look around. It's like you going for a run And being trapped outside And having to shit in the street It's like The aliens come down For a bit of a look around It's like oh pretty embarrassing Like I just I got caught out I had to do one on earth Beam me up Scotty

Quick quicker Quicker Oh god I can't do it here I need to do it on the ship Yeah Oh no Yeah

Oh man That is great Great That man That's I mean country town newspapers Are already good But when they've got something on the ship. Yeah, oh no. Yeah. Oh man, that is great. Great. Man, that's, I mean, country town newspapers are already good but when they've got

something solid to deal with, like a shit on an anvil. Quite solid. That's like a third of a page with a picture of a termite man

with a shit on it. I remember, you know, when I was a kid I wanted to be a journalist and I did work experience at the Meribah Advertiser and then I did a week of it

and because we were being, I was like being dragged along with a reporter out to like farms. I'm imagining little Carl Chandler with one of the visor hats like the little green visor.

Yeah, press hats on. Yeah, yeah. No, but the visors, they're the editors or something,

aren't they? Extra, extra. You're a dumb cunt. Yeah, yeah. But getting called out to to farmhouses and stuff, I was like, nah, I don't want to be a journalist anymore.

If I only got dragged out to a story like that, I would not be here right now. I might be in the media. How slow of a news day do you think it'd have to be for a picture of a shit to be making it into a print edition of a Metro newspaper? Yeah. of a shit to be making it into a print edition of a Metro newspaper like how how like how significant of a shit would it have to be in how slow of a news day

for the age to be like look well we don't like this but we we have no other yeah I had the poo jogger that was in the paper we've had the the shit smoothie from Sydney that was a paper yeah and also the – oh, no, it wasn't shit. It was the great photo of the woman who got a burger and had drawn a cock and balls. Oh, yeah, that was great. I thought – yeah. If the newspaper was more stuff like that, I would buy the newspaper.

Oh, 100 – like people rag the Murdoch Press, but, you know, if that's what – if in amongst all like the racism and misinformation and stuff, they were just like, here's a photo of a big shit that someone found. Instead of the green guy, the brown guy. Yeah, look, he's doing a lot of bad, but I'm still going to buy it every day. You know that? What's going on?

What about if they did that? You know, they got rid of the page three girls in England. What if they just had page three shits? Page three boring shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Page two girls. What if they just went page three is the most fucked up story we can find? Yep.

Even if they have to Egg it on a little bit Or something Yeah it's not like So you've got the odd spot Which is just kind of like Cute curiosity The bog spot

Yeah this is just like The fuck spot Super fucked up Yeah yeah yeah Yeah that's good Yeah Alright Well I think we're all

Kind of tuck it out after that Let's uh Let's put a pin in it hey Oh is that it Is that it Is that enough time Yeah we're getting I've got to out after that. Let's put a pin in it, hey? Oh, is that it? Is that it? Is that enough time? Yeah, we're getting... I've got to go pick up some children.

Oh, okay. All right. All right. Or... Yeah. Yours? We'll see. Yeah.

Well, once you pick them up, I will think. Yeah. All right. Let's wrap it up for another week. Danielle Walker, Josh L, thank you very much for joining us. Danielle, things you'd like to plug? Well, just my Instagram, I guess. Danielle's cool, okay, which Carl Chandler hates the name of.

Yeah, well, I made you change it once already, didn't I? You made me change my Twitter. Oh, okay. But I kept my Instagram because there's a famous Danielle Walker who's like a, she hates grains. Against the grain. Against all grains is her famous book. She's like a celiac or something and she's all about that.

She does not realise. Just push through, babe. That's your dieting book and it's just basically a pamphlet. Just ignore it. Just get sick. Are you not doing any comedy shows? Any solo shows coming up or anything like that? Oh, I think I might be going to the Gold Coast to do the comedy festival there.

Oh, there you go. But I don't know the dates. but if you're in the Gold Coast, you'll see that the thing is coming up. If you're listening to this in the Gold Coast right now, you'll go ding, ding, you'll look it up. The ads are probably on buses and on the back of planes being dragged through the sky and all that kind of stuff. People need to keep an eye out.

Yeah, on the back of inside police station cells and stuff. Josh, you've got your podcast. I have my podcast, Don't You Know Who I Am. I'm doing some live shows in the Comedy Festival as well at European Beer Cafe, 6pm Sundays, and also doing a split bill show with Ben Lomas. Very nice. Just a couple of dads doing a show at the Imperial

for the last two weeks of the festival. Go to joshuel.com.au for the tickets. What's the name of that show? Apparently. Oh, okay. Apparently we're doing it. Why? Oh, okay.

Is that catchy? I saw a bunch of other names pitched for the show. Yeah, we're not going to say that on air. I'll show you the photo that we're pitching to use. Oh, okay. Okay, great. Yeah, okay. Oh, wow. Okay, great. Yeah, okay. Oh, wow, that is extra greasy.

That is... There you go. That's the photo. Oh, God. Don't mind that at all. Very good. Don't mind that at all. That is greasy.

Bit of theatre of the mind for the listeners there. Imagine, send in what you think we just saw. And just think, Joshua, one of the nice guys of comedy. We wouldn't be rude. Yeah, just think of what Joshua would have showed Danielle Walker. Just think. All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time.

See you, mates. And they've done it again. Oh, yummy. Mmm. Tastes good. It did taste good. Yeah, Bernie, he booted a rather large one. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Yeah. Was that in the Super Bowl? That was a big touchdown. He touched me down. Yeah, it was good. That was a good episode, I think, I remember. Yeah.

A lot of fun. Live Eps. Yes. Should we discuss them? Yeah. Sure. We can discuss the possibility of us doing a show somewhere other than Melbourne sometime in the near future. What was that perth date again?

February the 28th. 28th. Sunday, February the 28th for the Rosemount Hotel. Tickets still on sale despite the dramas that are happening all around that gig. All around that gig. Can't wait to discuss the dramas at some point when we may be at the gig. But nothing but drama with that fucking gig. Which is going to be the first thing to fold.

Us not being allowed by our state to go there or them not allowing us to come in. That's a good point. Because currently I think it's both. Yeah, yeah. There's a bit of a Mexican standoff at the moment, isn't there? It's like you can't come in because you've got one case. It's like that Spider-Man looking at the other Spider-Man. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's great. What the fuck are you talking about, you idiot? Anyway, whatever. Fucking idiot states so uh that is still let's we're all we're all working towards that like that's happening at the moment so that's all good uh then we've got adelaide the very next weekend when we go in on saturday march the sixth sixth um like we said at the top of the show that is sold out now. We are adding a second little thing that you'll find out more about soon. I'll tell you what, speaking of all this stuff, this more contagious UK strain that they keep talking about,

for all the talk about how much more contagious it is and every time there's a new case we go into meltdown, seems like a little bitch so far. Hasn't been able to fucking get its little claws out of that one case in each city, it no good riddance it is a bit of a weird one i'm starting to think i could take it on yeah me too i reckon i could bash it well i mean i'm starting to think well i mean i've thought this for a long time that it's all just a big fucking yeah well exactly exactly i know that that's what you thought that's what you've uh you i mean every time we start the show you i have to force you to edit out the fact you cough in my face deliberately to try and provoke me.

Well, I mean, Dan Andrews, not many people know this, but he hates comedy. He was at a comedy show once and the emcee roasted him for his North Face jacket. Oh, right. Bullied him for the entire show. So he got together with the global elite and went, what can I do to put comedy out of action around the world for as long as possible? That's just like when Obama roasted Trump that time and that made him want to be the president. Yes, yes, exactly.

Exactly the same thing. It made Dan Andrews want to be Premier of Victoria and destroy the planet. Rule with an iron fist. Yeah, destroy the arts. And destroy the arts. Yeah. That's all true.

But despite his best intentions, or maybe his worst intentions, Tommy, we have Melbourne shows coming up as well, which we thought they were all sold out. Now we're allocated a few more seats to each show. Here we are on social media beating our chests about how quickly they've sold out and then the venue comes along, finds a few more fold-up chairs and makes us look like a couple of ninnies. Absolute chumps. So us idiots, dicks hanging out in the wind, have to make more money when we sell more seats.

Fucking absolute profanities. Really embarrassing. Yeah. So there are some more seats for that, guys. Get on it. Already we put that on the socials this week, and one of them is already just, I think it'll be sold out by the time we get onto it. This comes out.

But remember those dates. So it's four Saturdays. Yep. It's the last Saturday in March. 27th of March, 3rd of April, 10th of April, 17th of April. Now, March 27 is, of course, the date. The first episode is when we do our little pop-up burger joint around the corner. So that's going to be very fun, very exciting to be part of.

And I guess you can come along to that burger place if you can, even if you don't come to the show. Yeah, I don't know how we're going to manage this. How are we going to do it? It's the after party. It does feel like you should have to have been at the party. Yes, I think we'll look. No tire kickers.

Yeah, we'll manage. People, maybe the people didn't come along, they didn't come to the show, they can, there might be a takeaway aspect of it or, you know, if there's room, they can get in sort of thing. You can get a burger, but you have to eat it off the ground in the gutter. Oh, yeah, yeah.

And I have to lay the burger for you. And I have to piss all over it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we get to murder you. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then we kiss each other. Yeah, yeah.

As a joke. There we go. As a joke. There we go. Wouldn't that be funny if we kissed? I've heard that trick before. I've fallen for that trick too many times, mate. You have to get up pretty early in the morning to make me gay, okay?

The early bird sucks the dick. I got reminded of that recently, that high school trick. Like, oh, what if, you know, it'd be pretty funny if we, like, kiss and just, like, all the awkward memories of the, like. It'd be pretty funny if I didn't wear a condom. Imagine me not knowing which is the right hole. That'd be pretty silly, wouldn't it? Well, imagine me putting this up where the poo comes from.

Oh, that'd be funny. Oh, God, Rando, because stuff's meant to come out, and then instead something's going in. Rando alert. Neenoo, neenoo. Oh, yeah, it's good stuff. It's good stuff, folks. But, yeah, that's all happening.

LittleDumbDumbClub.com for tickets, and also our solo shows. Mine is called Meatball. It starts on March the 30th at the Coopers Inn for six nights at 7.30pm. I don't know what my dates are, but they're on the website. Carl Chandler, Please Call Me Carl, Mr Comedy Was My Father. It goes for two weeks. It includes a bonus show that's on straight after the last two live podcasts on the Saturday.

So you go to the show at 3.30, the live podcast at 3.30, and then my show is on at 5 o'clock immediately afterwards. Great convenience. You get to go to two great, amazing things. Mm-hmm. Yep. Oh, one little thing I would say. Yeah, with the four live podcasts, you've got the first one,

that's the burger thing. Got some very good guests already confirmed. Look, I don't want to talk out of school, Tommy, but I'd be going to the last one. Uh-oh. I'd be going to the last one. Well, you'd be going to all of them. Well, you're right. You have to.

You're contractually obligated to go to all of them. I didn't say I wasn't going to go to the other three. I just said I would be going. Okay. I'm not ruling the other three out. Right. I'm just being very specific on one thing. Yeah.

I'm only going to go to the second one. Okay. All right. Who are you going to get? Who should I get to replace you? Oh, good question. For the first, third, and fourth. Yeah, really good question.

Yeah. Do you have the same person for all three or do you get different- What about this? Different guest hosts. My wife had a moment, don't say her name, had a moment last night, I think, last night, where she was like, you know, we've been stuck here too long. We haven't left Melbourne, basically, for a year. Why not?

Flat tire. Flat tire, yeah. You've been out the front side of your house with the fucking, just like with the thumb out, trying to hitchhike and go anywhere and no one's stopping for you. That's it. Yeah. And, you know, I can't knock anyone because, you know, that's bad. You know, hitchhiking is not to be encouraged.

Yeah. Because I live just outside the Blangalow Forest as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, not very cool. So, she hasn't left. You know what? I've been places. Like, I went to England last February.

Yep. I went to Thailand the December before, November before. I don't know when the last time she did anything was. I don't think anything. I'll tell you when. She came to the Gold Coast when we went. Yeah. In November.

Was it November? No. It was. It was either the very end of October, start of November, because it was like the week before my exhibition opened. Was that? I was. Not wrapped about the timing of that.

Oh, right. And that was in November. So, yeah. Maybe did I come home from Thailand and then go to the Gold Coast or the other way around, something like that? I can't remember. Maybe that was close. I think you...

I think... Or was it Perth? Yeah. I can't remember. But that would have been it, right? Surely. Yeah, maybe that's it. I didn't realise that was so late on.

So, that was when Gold Coast was. Okay. So, it's 18 months, nearly. 18 months since she's been anywhere. And so, then, last last night she's like, you know what? Fuck this. I'm going to get a job in Brisbane.

That's it. Wow. And I'm like, okay, interesting. You know, because sometimes when she'll say something like that, she would just sort of go,

oh, you know, what would you do? You know, do you reckon you could do this or whatever? Last night she was like, no, that's it.

I'm going to go to Brisbane and get a job. I'm out. And you'll just have to come. Wow. You'll just have to come well yes you'll just have to come i'm like oh really that's interesting and she goes yeah you'll work it out you run some comedy gigs up there yeah you know your podcast you know fuck that you can run a new podcast with nick car yeah yeah no i think you found it's a bad example to bring up if you're trying to convince me god i would love to see how that panned out. Yeah, you could be the third Mike on Car Crash. Oh, God.

Fucking hell. I mean, I've never – you know, I was with her for part of the conversation. And then when she gave that as an example, I'm like, no, this is not doable. You don't understand how it works. Yeah. You can't just click your finger and, you finger and turn some big fat idiot into someone. I also do like having that conversation after a year of doing stuff remotely and everyone just learning how to do stuff over Zoom.

The assumption that if you move to another city, well, the Dum Dum Club would just have to end. You couldn't be doing it from another city. It's like you've bought equipment, you've learned how to do it. It's like, well, that's that. Yeah, yeah yeah i think she just thinks it's just like the old days i'm just starting a new life yeah you know i you know what i always think about that that like that travel has been made so much easier these days by planes and even you know like the internet you're doing you know zooms and skypes and stuff like that remember the like 150 years ago if you moved 50 kilometers away

that's it so that's that's probably it yeah you don't you don't see your family anymore yeah that's that yeah that's this i mean especially people that went overseas it's like that's like it's a three-year journey or fucking something like that even just in yeah even just in our lifetime like the first time i went overseas i was 20 so no smartphone um like no global roaming uh so if i wanted to look up you know i was in new york if i wanted to look up somewhere to to like go had to get on maps printed out at the hostel of like memorize the route there communicating with my parents and my girlfriend at the time maybe once a week via email just this very long protracted like going on a holiday and basically saying to my girlfriend at the time like well you'll probably hear from me

like twice while i'm away yeah instead of like you go now you're on messenger you're on you're on wi-fi constantly you've never gone more than about an hour yeah without contacting someone yeah but yeah that but and that's and that's even to someone 20 years before that having email a couple of times a week would have been like wow it's all changed you're staying in touch a lot differently now but now it's like if you if you grew up in richmond and someone moves to williamst, it's like goodbye forever. Yeah. No, that's too far away. That's how we're going to stay in contact. It really, like if you want to, you know, if you want to start a new life, it's like you actively have to work at it.

You have to make the decision. I'm moving town and I am going to not, I'm not going to stay in touch with anyone from my old life. That's like, do you know, yeah, we've never talked to him about this, but I remember reading it in an article somewhere, but Fleety, friend of the show, Greg Fleet, purveyor of all fine heroin. Yep. His dad faked his death.

Yep. But then, unlike moved away, but then sort of moved back. Yeah. So then, like, he got discovered, like, a suburb away yeah yeah i mean i don't know everything but like this is what you dare but this is what we're talking about he's just because that's at a time when yeah there's no there's no internet there's no like

social media yeah so he's just assuming all right it's been a year yeah i'm probably safe to just how's word gonna get around i'll just move back down the street it'll all be good that's so funny you move from you know Hawthorne and Richmond it's like hey this is no longer 3122 this is a 3121

that's heaps faking your own death sounds like so much work like that sounds intriguing because you're getting it's like what

it's like I don't want to have this family anymore I want out I want to do my own thing I couldn't possibly have the conversation with them and leave though yeah because that's too difficult yeah what i'll do instead is set up this elaborate intricate lie that has to be completely airtight it's like just have the hard conversation sounds like so much easier than all the fucking legwork of well crafting this scenario yeah, but, you know, that's classic men.

They don't want to talk. Oh, yeah. Don't want to ask for directions. That's it. Don't want to ask. Don't want to ask to have their normal life. You're right, sister. We are different.

Met her from Mars. Or some men want to fake their death and move to Mars. Exactly. Anyway, come see us live. Yes. T-L-D-R. Anyway, come see us live. Yes. T-L-D-R. Yes. Come see us live.

Yes-em. Yes, madam. I think that's... Hey, you know what? Get our merch. If you come to see us live, I feel like our merch hasn't been moving as fast because everyone's... You get to move at live shows. And so we've still got a stack of merch from this very part of the show itself,

Talking Dumb Dumb. Yep. And who doesn't want to buy a big old hoodie in the middle of summer? So get onto that. At live shows, we've got hoodies, we've got t-shirts for Talking Dumb Dumb, and we've got the old staples as well. Yep. The classics.

The base range. Yeah. I'm Aware and the Berger logo. All that bullshit. Plus stubby holders and hats. And maybe that's it. So get onto that if you come into the live show. Or just order it.

Order it online. Yep. Always enjoy seeing a new order of some weird fucking town that I've never fucking heard of. Oh, yeah? You just go, wow, some bumfuck town in the middle of fucking nowhere. Some cunt lives there and listens to us. And now he wants to wear a hat around this town of 13 people. Yeah, flaunted at the chemist.

To look like a proper dipshit. Yep. Yep. I'm always very intrigued by that. Yep. Or you can get on to our Patreon. Yes. And give us money, which is greatly appreciated.

Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub. If you put in ten dollars a month you get two bonus episodes a week with guests they're always very funny there's heaps of them there waiting for you

if you get on it now and of course most importantly you get your name read out in this segment of the show hopefully

because as you all know we feed all the names every week into the unplanned title alternator a very sophisticated piece of machinery that keeps everything absolutely fair because as you all know, we feed all the names every week into the unplanned title alternator, a very sophisticated piece of machinery that keeps everything absolutely fair and square. No suggestions of branch stacking in here.

No. No silly buggers. No. That's the guarantee that comes with the UTA. The FCC's been through this with a fine-tooth comb and could not find a thing. Mm-hmm. So, in terms...

And they were looking for talent. Right. So, yeah. But we've been found clean of that. So, we are going to read out as many names as we can within this next couple of hours. Or what have we got left? Well, we've got a guest coming around for the aforementioned bonus episode soon. So, we'll just basically go until they...

Until he gets here. Until they get here, yeah. Okay, great. He or she. He or she. He or she. He or she. Could be these days.

Hey. Could be. Could be both. Could be. Yep. So we'll just keep... We'll just go... Hey, it's 2021.

Yep. You can be a man or a woman these days. Well, who knows? Someone might be listening to this in 2025 and the laws have changed and you now can't. Oh, you can't be either. So who knows? Oh, right. Okay.

Well, that's a nice little time capsule. Yep. Back in the olden days when there were men and women. Yep. Yuck. All right. All right. We'll just keep going until they turn up.

Until they turn up. Yeah. Okay. Good. Let's read it. First cap off the rank. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. Ding dong. Until they turn up. Yeah. Okay, good. Let's read it. First cap off the rank. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. Ding dong.

Oh, whoops. Better wrap it up. They're a bit early. Oh, Denise Drysdale here. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Stephen Marks. Stephen Marks. Stephen Marks. M-A-R-X?

No. M-A-R-K-S. Ding, ding. Ah. As in? As in? As in? Richard, not as in Groucho.

If that gets into your little fucking pea brain any better. Yep, it does. Thank you. My brain filled with piss. Marks, I don't like it. You don't like it? I'd prefer it if it was just Marks. I don't like the pluralization of the...

Does it make you think of someone else? Is that why? Or is there bad memories involved in someone with a... Well, my uncle's name is Mark, and I'm thinking of, given that it's Marks, I'm thinking of just like a, you know... Multiple uncles. Being John Malkovich style, just a room... All figuring you as a small child.

Yeah, just I'm in a... I'm behind a shed with multiple versions of my uncle just running a train on me. Just not knowing which end you're being molested from at the moment. Right. Just flat. Right. Oh, wow.

Great. Okay, now... I don't know if I'm coming or going or sucking or fucking. If I'm coming or he's coming. Or he's coming or I'm going. Well, that makes sense. That's a good explanation. That's a great dad joke.

It's like a woman on top going, oh, I'm coming, I'm coming. And then the guy going, yeah, and I'm going. Just a woman getting railed going oh dad good day coming oh yeah that's good oh yeah oh fuck this is funny fellas up late fuck all right you know what dad joke i've got a joke molesting i've got a new jesus christ i fuck. This is funny fellas up late. Fuck. All right, you know what? Dad joke. I've got a new... Dad joke molesting.

I've got a new... Jesus Christ. I've got a new funny fellas. I thought of a new funny fellas last night. Yeah. And I told someone, and now I'm going to have to... You know, literally, I was talking to Nick Carr last night. Oh, yeah.

And I've got to find out what it was. What was... Nick Carr, what was the funny fellas idea from last night? It was... Oh, no, I know what it was! Okay. All right, so what it was. What was... Nick, what was the funny fella's idea from last night? It was... Oh, no, I know what it was! Okay. All right, so here it is. We do...

We've been doing characters. So this is what I think of like we're trying to make a bad sketch show. This is just to catch people up who might not have heard us talk about this because it's been on the boil for about two and a half years now. Yes, yes, yes. A lot of shows get up and people put their heart and soul into it and then it gets – it either gets changed by the top brass or it comes out and it's poorly received and it's very crushing.

Yeah. We pitch a show that we know is bad. We do. And then when it gets up – We make it so bad that our feelings cannot be hurt. Yeah. If it doesn't get up, good idea. Who gives a fuck?

Yeah. Good for you for having half a fucking brain. Yeah. If it gets up and someone mucks around with it, again, probably a good idea because we have designed this to be the shittest show of all time. Yeah, and then when it gets savaged on tvtonight.com.au, we're like, we're with you, pal.

Yeah, go harder. One new comment, T. Dassolo. No shit, Sherlock. And so that's the plan. No shit, Sherlock. That's the plan. So if it gets up, it's just a bonus for us. Yeah, our writing sessions for it so far have consisted exclusively of being on this show and being in the riff and then going, there you go, that's a new one.

That's a new character for the whiteboard. And we've got characters like stone santa dr bitch the ejaculating bush yeah um i think the lesbian baby was one at some stage yeah yeah that's right now i'm gonna have to now i'm gonna have to fucking i've messaged the car i've just i've got the germ of the idea yeah i just need to get the full fleshed out idea from him. I'm sure he's got them. Actually, he was very drunk when I was talking to him last night. Oh, okay.

I might have more of an idea. So this might have been lost to the ages. No, no, no. If he was too drunk and can't remember it. I still think, because he was talking to me going, you've got to make funny fellas work, because he goes, I'm obsessed with Dr. Bitch. I'm such a fan of Dr. Bitch.

Oh, yeah. Because I was like, I don't fucking remember what that was. And then he, oh, yeah, right. Here it is. Here it is. I think I've got it. Here's another one. I'm just trying to find my master document.

Baby Arnie was another one that we had. Oh, yes. Okay. Oh, you've got a list. You've got a full list of it. Well, I've got notes here and there on my phone. Right. Yeah.

The dream is we still need someone to compile the full, because I've just realized the floor, and I've got a list, but I've just put the name and thought that'll be list, but I haven't, I've just put the name and thought that'll be enough to jog me down the line. And it's not. One of the things on the list is The Hungover Doctor. Right. All right.

Yeah. What was that? I don't know. Okay. Here's what I think it was last night. Yep. All right. So, you know, those bad sketch shows from the 80s and 90s,

lots of parodies in there so we've been we've been going heavy on the characters here's here's maybe a one-off parody okay

what I love about this parody it's a movie parody yep is it's the parody of a movie that's from 30 years ago so no one gives a fuck evergreen

yeah but that's like you know the Simpsons was parodying stuff that was already right so out of date yeah

you know it wasn't like current bangers. Yeah. Parody of Nightmare on Elm Street. Mm-hmm. Except it's called Wet Dream on Elm Street. Oh, yes. And Freddy Krueger goes into people's dreams.

Yeah. And so it kills them. Yeah. He just gets sucked off by them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. What do you think? They're doing the sucking off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So hang on. I'm having a wet dream yeah where what's made me come is i'm sucking someone else off oh okay not i'm getting so no that makes it funnier it's not like me imagining getting my dick sucked and being like i come in the dream and then i wake up and i've come in real life yeah Me sucking off a deformed man, a deformed, grotesque, nightmarish figure has made me nut in my sleep. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love it.

That's what happens, isn't it? When you suck something off, you cum? Yes. I mean, that's what was taught to me in Mirabar Sex Head. Right. Yeah, that's why I've been doing it ever since. Yeah, I mean, I'm picturing myself doing that as a heterosexual man and I I can't see it happening but if I was someone who was aroused by the male genitalia then probably

sucking someone off would make me that's that's why I was taught we had a fill-in teacher one time in year seven that's why it was taught to me and so ever since then you know whenever someone's been going down on me I'm like can you hurry up and finish so I can suck you off

and so I can come right so in sex ed at high school when you had to roll the condom over the banana you were just like oh

yeah yeah yeah that's right that's right yeah I love it I think this is fantastic Wet Dream on Elm Street Great Because I was worried

I don't think I've ever seen Nightmare on Elm Street So you know You're always But I'm a good litmus test Because if I haven't seen The source material And I can still

Enjoy it And you still enjoy that idea Then there's something there For everyone That's good Because I was a bit worried That that idea Might have lost you

Yeah Might have gone a bit over your head. I was like, I don't get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why is it funny that someone's getting sucked off in their dream? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or sucking off. It has to be them sucking off.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Okay. So he, because he could appear in your dream. Yes. And just suck you off. Yes.

Like hold you down and suck you off. Because he could appear in your dream and just suck you off. Yes. Like hold you down and suck you off. But him appearing in your dream and having to like seduce you. Because you know what I mean? If he wants to just pin you down and do it, then he can just go for the clappers.

But if he's got a kind of like Bugs Bunny dressing up as a woman, he's got to like appear in your dream and like – And also, well, we haven't described – we haven't said that the person in the dream is having the wet dream like that could be the wet dream could be happening by Freddy Krueger ah that's the twist

yeah yeah yeah so yeah you're waking up yeah maybe that's the horror part of it you're waking up going oh fuck I didn't come

well again the thing sometimes with funny fella sketches we'll start to flesh them out and then we'll realise we're actually putting too much work into it for what the brief of the program is. So I would, I mean, I'd love to see it all play out,

but I would argue that it would be way more funny fellas to just have title card, Wet Dream on Elm Street, the end. Right. We just get the title. It's like, you guys put it together in your minds, that'll do. Yeah, I still think I'd like to see someone going down on Freddy Krueger. Oh, look, getting the makeup out and, like, dressing up and acting it all out, it's too much fun.

Having his dick look like Freddy Krueger as well would be good. And, like, as someone pulls their mouth off the top of it, the dick, like, has his face on it going, keep going, you're doing a good job. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be a very Freddy Krueger thing to do. Yep. Well, thanks, Mark.

Yeah, thanks. That's Stephen Marks. Thanks, Stephen. Thanks, Stephen Marks. I've got a message from Nick Carney. I feel like I need to listen to it, but I feel like I also shouldn't play it into the phone. No, no.

Yeah, okay. All right, hang on. You occupy yourself for 17 seconds while I listen to this. Turn your mic off. All right. There's something else. I can't.

It was like, you know... Wait, it sounds like it's going to be okay. Hang on. Yeah, but... Hang on. Is that up? Oh, yes, here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Sounding positive, folks. Here we go.

Yep. That's it. That's it. Yep. Okay. Nick Carr's in the car dictating something that Carl said to him into a voice message. Yes. And then Carl's listening to this recollection of a thing that he said.

Yes. And smiling. Yes. Grinning from ear to ear. Yes. I know what I like and i've nailed it yes that it turned into another it turned into another movie parody which is the kevin costner remake field of wet dreams oh yeah great so i love i love a sketch that halfway through we go oh now it's

this so it's field of wet dreams yep where a bunch of dead baseballers walk into a field and suck off Kevin Costner as he's saying, if you build it, I will come. Yeah, exactly. It's all there. Yeah, exactly. That one barely, that one doesn't even really need changing. That's the beauty of that. Yeah, yeah.

That's actually a lot more simple than the Wet Dream on Elm Street, which makes me think, I think we should stick with Wet Dream on Elm Street because it's more clunkier and therefore more fitting. Yeah. What other movie titles are there that have dream or something sleep based in them? Wet Dream, A Little Wet Dream with the two Corys, Corey Feldman and Corey Haim. No idea what that is.

Dream, A Little Dream. Ah, okay. Wet Dream, A Little Wet Dream. Wet Dream, A Little Wet Dream. Now we're talking. Now we're getting clunky pretty pretty good and and a great movie to parody something that you clearly have no idea yeah the there's the film dream girls but i mean that's just a film called wet dream girls is like that's pretty dicey territory i I don't know. Even for funny fellas. Even for funny fellas, that's too much. I mean, look, I'm very happy with Field of Wet Dreams.

Field of Wet Dreams is great. It's probably not going to get any better than that. Bang. Great title. Yeah. Great vision of dead baseball players coming out, sucking off a man, and him saying, if you build it, I will come. Yeah.

It's all there. Yeah. That's a 10 second great sketch which we can fill out to 2 minutes to make sure it really sucks oh absolutely

yeah yeah we gotta really we gotta go SNL style just absolutely flog a dead horse yeah and just

just have like half a game in there for no good reason yep just lots of stuff

you don't need alright thank you very much to Patreon subscriber second cap off the half a game in there for no good reason. Yep. Yep. Just lots of stuff you don't need. All right. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber second cap off the off the rank this week. Matthew Nack V.

Nack V. N-A-Q-V-I. Unless it's Nack 6. Oh. Not too bad. Yep.

Nack V. Nack 6. Nack Nack It must be Nack V. Nack six. Nack six. It must be Nack V. Nack V. Yeah. That's not bad, is it? What do you mean?

Well, it just sounds really clunky, but then I'm thinking, if you just get used to saying Nack V. Nack V. Or Nack V. Nack V. No, that doesn't sound right. No, not with a Q there, I don't think. Matthew Nack V. Nack V. Yeah. Real education, this part of the right. Not with a Q there, I don't think. Matthew Nackvey.

Nackvey. Yeah. Real education this part of the show every week. Yeah. Finding out what people are walking around with on their fucking driver's license. I would have had no idea. Anything that's not the most white Anglo name. Sounds clunky.

Yeah, sounds yucky. Hard to say. What's this bullshit? Yeah. Not clean. Sounds dirty. Nagayan? Nagayan?

Don't start that one. Don't start that one. Matthew Nackvey. QV. I love a Q in a name. Very unlikely match up there. Don't think I've ever seen that before in my life. Strange bed a Q in a name. Very unlikely match-up there. I don't think I've ever seen that before in my life. Strange bedfellows.

Exactly. A Q and a V next to each other. Yeah, what's next? Men marrying their dogs? Yeah. It's a slippery slope. Yeah, that is next. That is next.

That's our third cab off the rank. Gary, man, married dog. Yep. Elizabeth Fido. Yep. Matthew Nackvey. God, just real, real. This is like, oh, we didn't even do the ice cream.

I'm going to say the ice cream this week. Okay. Matthew Nackvey. That's like the choc chip ice cream to me. Matthew. No, no, Matthew Nackvey. Because Matthew, smooth and creamy. Yep. Man, I'm just slightly. You're doing the full name. Slightly Matthew Knackvey. Because Matthew, smooth and creamy. Yep.

Man, I'm just slightly. You're doing the full name. Slightly changing it. Okay. Matthew, smooth and creamy. Knackvey, that's the choc chip. That's the hard bit. That's the chip.

That's the little. That's the chunk. It's chunky that name. So you're going, oh, man. Fuck, I didn't see that coming when I was trying Matthew. I mean, I think it's something more egregious than choc chips. I think it's like some Cold Rock bullshit where you've got gummy – you're one of those freaks that puts gummy bears in your ice cream.

Why do people want to do that? It's gross. Why do people want to smash up – like, I don't – I really don't understand. I don't mind something like, for example, an Oreo McFlurry. Love a bit of that. Yeah. But then once you're getting into the M&M's minis, that's because the cold of the ice cream makes the shell like really tough.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not for me. Too much of an extreme clash of textures. I'm not with it. Absolutely. That's one of my absolute base statements for sure. Anything, you want to put some fudge in it or put something else that's like creamy or something in it? Yeah.

Great. Awesome. Just pack it full of fudge. Knock yourself out. Yeah. As we've always said on this show. As we're big proponents of. Absolutely.

It's something in the air today, isn't it? I'm just going to get even worse when our guest comes around, actually. See if you can guess. See if you can guess who's coming up, guys. One of the naughtiest boys around. Yeah. Do you want to ask me what I had for lunch today? Not particularly.

You did ask me before and then I said save it for the show and then you didn't ask. Yeah, yeah. And now that you're really busting to get

it out on mic. It just made me think. I don't know that I alright. What did you have for me? Because you turned up.

What is that? Was that a milkshake? Yeah. Or was that a smoothie? That's a milkshake. Okay. I had a milkshake. You turned up with

a strawberry milkshake. Because I walked to your house and sometimes you know recording around lunchtime I'll go

you know what I've got a big big road to play with I can eat whatever I want on this road. Yep. What am I going to your house and sometimes, you know, recording around lunchtime, I'll go, you know what? I've got a big, big road to play with. I can eat whatever I want on this road. Yep. What am I going to do? 1.30 p.m. was our scheduled meet time. Took off about 12. Yeah.

Perfect. Perfect. We were meant to do something at midday that fell through. Yep. Got to say nightmare time to start. Yes. I don't like waiting too late to have lunch, but then all of a sudden you're racing

and you're getting something in at 11am, not ideal. So annoying that that fell through, but all of a sudden the lunchtime window opened right up. Music to my ears. So I've got an hour and a half to walk from my house to your house and I've got to plan some sort of like, it's an interesting little game because plenty of things come up. It's like a video game.

You'd relate to this. Oh, yeah. Okay, now I'm listening. Yes. Wow, you're coming really hard. So, you know, something will come up on an offer and I'll go, no, no, no, not that thing. I don't want to go too early on this thing. There could be something good coming up. But you I'll go, no, no, no, not that thing. Not that.

I don't want to go too early on this thing. There could be something good coming up. But you're saying there's not that much of an element of surprise because you've walked up and down this road hundreds of times. I know, but I'm not always, you know, I'm not always looking in every shop and I'm feeling differently about what I want to eat today than, you know, a lot of other days. Because the other thing is Bridge Road is dire, but you're walking past a lot of different cuisines the other thing is, Bridge Road is dire, but you're walking past a lot of different cuisines on your way here. In fact, maybe almost all of them.

No, I'll say... I never really ate down there, so of course of varying quality, but I know that there's a fair bit of Thai. There's Japanese. I will say. There's Indian. I will say at lunchtime, I believe there to be no Thai and no Indian. Oh, they're all dinner only.

Yeah. Okay. Well, that's different. But there's pizza. Yeah. There's, you know, there's a couple of burgers and stuff. Yeah. And then there's just like straight up cafes. Yeah.

There's a Donny's. There's two Donny's actually. Yes. There's. One's a little bit off Bridge Road, so I wouldn't do that. Okay, you wouldn't class that. But still, you're going past at least eight Donny's. Well aware of the other one. Yep.

There's a Schnitz. Yep. There's fish and chips. When you're walking along and you're going, you're passing up offers because you're going, I'll get something. And all of a sudden, things start running out and you're going, oh, I could have gone with that sandwich. It was back there.

Well, you know, too much choice is never, you know, it's that classic thing, you know. Because once you get- You have all the streaming services and you sit down and you want to watch something and you're like, there's nothing for me to watch. Yeah. It used to be, it's the same with food. Like before the, you know, the delivery apps.

Like if you didn't feel like cooking, you had your one takeaway place around the corner, you'd walk down there and you'd be thankful for it. Yeah.

But now it's like, sometimes I'll scroll Uber Eats for honestly like 45 minutes. Oh really? What do I feel like? Yeah. Yeah. The old days,

it was channel six and Channel 8 on TV. Did you want to watch Tango and Cash or Big Trouble in Little China? It's like you couldn't even get away from Kurt Russell. Yeah, exactly. That was your two choices, which was really only one choice. So I got, I ended up getting one of your favorites, actually, a bit of Katsu Curry. Love a Katsu. Which was okay.

And then I went with, I got really close to your house and then I had to, I tried for the first time a burger place that's near your house. Well, you'd only had one lunch. Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, you needed to have something else. Exactly. Mad Paddy's? Yes.

Yeah. Had that one. It was okay. What's it like? It's all right. Okay. It was okay. Yeah, I haven't been down there yet.

They were accommodating with my changes in the menu. Okay. So, good for them. All right. What's it like? It's all right. Okay. It was okay. Yeah, I haven't been down there yet. They were accommodating with my changes in the menu. Okay. So, good for them. All right. What are you asking for? I said they didn't have any onion in the burger I wanted, and so they put that in. Okay. And they swapped the sauce around.

Yeah. Got the ketchup out. Put some mayo in. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. Put some mayo in where? The burger. Ah, yummy. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. Put some mayo in where? The burger.

Ah, yummy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yummy. Yeah, it was yummy. And then had a strawberry milkshake. Where from? From there? Yeah, from there.

Okay, yeah. And then I thought, you know, the only thing stopping me from getting an ice cream was I was then going to be running late if I got an ice cream. So between this and the bonus episode, maybe I have to go and get an ice cream. Oh, wow. Yeah, what do you think? We'd better pick up the pace if you want to do that. We'd better.

We'd better. There we go. Carl's lunch. Matthew Knackby. Thanks, Knackers. Thanks. Thanks, Knack6. Knackers6.

That would be good. That would be good if you have a bit of a... Roman numerals in the name? Yeah. I'm sure that a Bogan parent somewhere has done that. Without a doubt. Yeah. Yeah.

If you had to change... What about this? Your name is Matthew Nackby and you wanted to... And you were getting a bit of this. You were getting a lot of confusion from people. Yeah. If you had to change your surname to a surname to a... Okay, let me see if I can get my head around this and just imagine a scenario like that.

A real hypothetical. It's a stretch. It's a stretch. I went with you on Wet Dream on Elm Street, but this is tough. This is making my head hurt. This is like all of a sudden you're living on Mars. It's a completely different world. Yep, yep.

If you had to have the name of a fast food brand, what would it be? As my surname? Yes. Oh, that's good. Yeah. Okay, well, let's go through sort of what all the options are. So, Tommy McDonald. Yeah. Would I be able to be Tommy McDonald or would it have to be McDonald's?

No, McDonald's. Tommy McDonald's. Tommy McDonald's. Tommy McDonald's actually sounds pretty good. That's? Tommy McDonald's. Tommy McDonald's. Tommy McDonald's actually sounds pretty good. That actually sounds better. Yeah. Tommy McDonald's. Well, their name's not McDonald's, is it?

It's McDonald's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. You can't just call yourself Tommy KF and just cut off a letter. So I'd have to be, well, but then in that case, I'd have to be Tommy Kentucky Fried Chicken. Yeah, that's fine. Yep. You couldn't be Tommy Chicken. You have to have the full fine. Yep. You couldn't be Tommy Chicken.

You have to have the full name. I've got to have the full name. Tommy Oporto. That's not that far away from what you've got. No, but I'd want to change it to the miss saying of it, of Tommy Oportos. Oh, isn't it? Oportos. It's Oporto.

Oh, is it? But, you know, it's like a common thing to go, God, I love some Oportos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course, I do that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, probably Tommy Oporto's. It's Oporto. Oh, is it? But, you know, it's like a common thing to go, God, I love some Oporto's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course, I do that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, probably Tommy Oporto. But Tommy McDonald's is pretty good.

Tommy McDonald's is pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. Tommy Domino's. Yeah, Tommy Domino's is good. Tommy Domino's is good. That's very good. Jazz musician Tommy Domino's.

Yeah, Tommy Domino's. Yeah. Fuck. You've got two good names out of that. Tommy McDonald's and Tommy Domino's. Yeah. Fuck,ino's. Yeah. Fuck. You've got two good names out of that. Tommy McDonald's and Tommy Domino's. Yeah. Fuck, I'm jealous. What would you be?

See, Tommy goes well with, like, in a little scenario like this, Tommy's a good one. Yeah. Carl with any of this. Tommy's a good name where just, like, kind of anything you put at the end of it automatically sounds show busy. It's like Johnny. Yeah. Johnny Rockets is the same as Tommy Rockets. yes carl rockets yeah so carl carl eagle boys carl eagle boys is good

yeah that's that's not too bad and then you change your first name to spread carl taco bell have i ever talked about how there's a pub it's around here actually called the spread eagle yep and my parents had like a voucher for it yeah my parents had a voucher for it and they got obsessed with it they were like obsessed with going there anytime i met up with them and so mom would always be calling me up going oh yeah for dinner do you want to meet at the spread eagle and just hating having my mom constantly on the phone to me saying Spread Eagle. That used to be our indoor soccer pub. We'd go there for a beer after playing.

It's not bad. You know what? It should be shitter than what it is. It seems like it's a shit pub, but it's one of those classic pubs that's got a bit fancy for itself. I haven't been there for a while, but I remember they had pretty good food. They had a good little parma. They're pretty, they're very bistro-y.

Thanks, thanks Knackers. Thanks Knackers. Thanks Knackers Sixers. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Jeremy Cole. Jeremy Cole. Yeah. Now that's a bit,

that's a bit more. Speaking of, I went, I think you've talked about it on the show. I went into the newly rebooted Coles near your house. Oh yeah. the other day. Boy, they've done a number on that joint. They sure have.

A complete rebrand. A complete 380. Not rebrand, but like, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. All the shelves are on a different angle. Upside down. Done some big Feng Shui action in there. Yeah, yeah.

All the cereals in the freezer. I don't know. I mean, it's... I don't really understand the point. It's got fancy. It's like the gourmet version, but it's still got the same shit there. Yeah, exactly. It's like it's nice, but I walked in and I was like, what is this?

And then I was like, oh, yeah, I'm just in a fucking supermarket. It felt like it was trying to trick me into thinking that I wasn't just in a supermarket. You know what's funny? I find... So they've gone all fancy. They've tried to make themselves upmarket this Coles. There's certain Coles that are like that now. From what I believe, they've just given themselves a bit more space, less products, less copies of things.

Like, I love the choc-chip biscuits. Copies. Yeah. I love the choc-chip cookies that Coles have. Yeah. They've gone to the cereals and they've just got the old video shop sticker, sorry I'm out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'd like a copy of Kellogg's Corn Flakes if you've got one. They're the same. It's essentially that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the cookies, I love the cookies. For some reason, they've got room to have about four copies of the cookies there. That's about it. These are the cookies here and that's it.

You go to the one in Richmond, they've got fucking 17, 22 copies of them. Yeah, I don't get it. I don't really understand the – it's a bit of like someone pretty high up the chain just thinking like them kind of earning their keep and like looking busy and going, oh, here's what we're getting. It's like no one on the ground gives a flying fuck. No one who's going into the supermarket to get their fucking you know chicken breast and cereal and broccoli gives a rat's ass no what angle the shelves are and not only that it's all laid out

not only that they closed down to to refrig this whole fucking joint in the middle of lockdown when everyone needed the supermarket more than the only thing open yeah fucking because not only not only do people not care it's actually more annoying when something that you you know you're local that you're used to going to then they've changed it and move everything around it's like the supermarket can be a nightmare one of the easiest parts of my day is i go in here i know where everything is all of a sudden you're back to square one yeah it's like no one wants that yeah no one wants that extra 15 minutes put into their day trying to find where the fucking all brand is also you know everyone's got sandwiches now like in supermarkets and stuff like that they've gone the full english yeah style which if you're not going to have them be to the quality of like

a japan or an england yeah then don't fucking bother yeah and their range is not that good either yeah so i i would really like okay they've dipped their toe in the water. I give them credit for that. Good on you for giving it a go. But let's up the stakes now, guys. All right, we want probably 10 to 12 different sandwiches, okay? This is the kind of thing that Trump's just going to be going off about now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He does have politics. We want more sandwiches, folks. Okay? That's it. You know, the one thing I miss in England, of the limited time I've spent there, the fucking range and accessibility of sandwiches. Yeah.

How does England get some food right and we can't get it right? Yeah. How have they trumped us for sandwiches? Well, but they get it mostly wrong. You know what I mean? It's like the price you pay for everything else being a bit shit and expensive is to be able to get good sandwiches. Well, we've got the opposite.

You can't get a good sandwich from a takeaway place to save your life. But everything else, spot on. I know, but it's frustrating because that should be the easiest thing to get right that's like you know here's my son he's 15 he's got into university he still pisses his pants every hour oh cool he can do every hour yeah he can do this great intelligent thing but he can't get the basics right yeah that's what i'm saying yeah colson colson woolworth pissed their pants on the hour yeah i mean i don't know he's going to university no no no if it's like if you have to have one to have the other, then like...

Okay. Do you want... Are you happy with his academic achievements? Yes. If you're so happy with him, why don't you have him on your couch for two hours? Hey? What do you think about that?

There's not a link between having him on my couch and being happy with his academic achievements. He's going to sit on your couch for the next two hours. Yeah, I just wait until... Oh, two hours. Well, I'll just put a sheet. I don't know why I have to have him sit, but I'll put a tarp down.

You're going to put a tarp down just to say, you know what, I'm not even going to mention it to you. You're in university. Good for you. You're a genius. And you're just going to let him free piss all over your couch. Well, I'm not assuming that he wants to be pissing his pants. He doesn't want this to be happening,

but he's doing his best. He can't control it. You're happy for your couch to be very, very potentially ruined. You have to overlook that. Look, if he's a genius and he's going through university and he's probably going to be able to, I don't know, support me in my older age, then if that's the trade-off,

mopping up a bit of piss every 55 minutes, then sure, that's the price I have to pay. You mop your couch. That's interesting. Yeah. I mean, what's the alternative? Have some fucking deadbeat who you have to support into his 40s who can go to the toilet on command whenever he wants and never pisses his pants.

Well, it's a tough one. If you've got to pick one or the other. As a last name. I mean, yeah, that's the thing. It's the same with 7-Elevens in Japan. You can get great takeaway food there, great sandwiches. You can buy grog there. And then you come back and you go into our 7-Elevens.

It's like, what are you cunts doing? You're selling choccy bars and that's it. Lift your fucking game. This is going back to the people that moved away from their home 50 kilometers and then you could never see them again or whatever. We've got this travel. We've got this travel. We've got this knowledge. Why can't everything be better?

Why can't you fix everything? Yeah, I mean, especially it's – I want better sandwiches at Woolworths. It's especially egregious with something like a 7-Eleven. It's like, you're a global chain. Why isn't this stuff standardized? Like, Maccas in Australia aren't going, no, we just don't have the nuggets here in this country.

You can't get them at McDonald's in Australia. Yeah, yeah. Man, I had some KFC nuggets the other day. Just drummed it in my head. All other nuggets in fast food are a waste of time. Fuck, I haven't had... I've been dreaming of KF recently. Haven't had the Dirty Bird in a while.

Yeah, had some the other day. This is me being very lazy at times, but not that lazy in a way. Back to back in Hawthorne, Taco Bell at KFC. I'll go get something from Taco Bell. Don't get the chips. Go and get the chips at KFC. Oh, yeah, yeah. A bit of a combo.

And then not technically really be allowed to sit in either place than just go and sit on a park bench somewhere. Yeah, that's the worst bit. That's the most grim bit of that. It is. Yeah. I did it the other night at 10 o'clock at night, just sitting in the dark. Yeah.

Eating chips and tacos. I was coming back from a gig where I'd had a few beers and it was like, it was 11pm at night in the city. This is a couple months ago now. And no KFCs open. They're all shutting in the city. This is a couple months ago now. And no KFCs open. They're all shutting in the city at like 10 p.m. They need to be a bit more honest about. Maybe I've said this before on the show,

but they need to be a bit more honest about who the clientele is. It's simply not good enough. I even downloaded the KFC app to try and get some brought round to my house. You know that old trick you're in the cab, you're making the Uber Eats order while you're in the Uber home, just waiting for it to meet you there. There's none of them. They all close at like 10pm.

Maccas though, they get it. They're like, yeah, mate, we're here for you. Have you had it? Have you got Maccas delivered? I think I've gotten breakfast delivered like once or twice when I've been in an absolute sorry state. I can't imagine doing it. It feels like, to me, they've got some sort of homing signal on their food.

Yeah. If you take it 200 meters from its home, it fucking blows up. It's like Mission Impossible or something. It just turns to absolute dog shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks, Jeremy Cole. Oh, our guest is here. Okay.

What do we do? I'll just say, give me one sec. Right. Five minutes. We've got five minutes to finish this off. All right. Okay, here we go. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber number four for this week, Denim Sadler.

Ah, yes. Oh, you know this person? Yeah, I know this person Denim Sadler. Ah, yes. Oh, you know this person? Yeah, I know this person. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What a fucking name. It is, isn't it? Denim Sadler.

Yeah. Not D-E-N-I-M, D-E-N-H-A-M. Yeah. Denham Sadler. Mm-hmm. How the fuck do you know Denim Sadler? Met him in Japan. Really?

Mm. Wow. Yeah. Were you fighting over the last sandwich? The last sad... fuck. Yeah, I met him, weirdly enough, I met him through a friend

in Japan. He was just over there visiting as well. Right. And when you met him, was he a listener or not? That's a very good question. I actually don't know. God, I hope this is the same guy he he certainly sounds very japanese so i dare say it was no he's yeah he's he's one of the tokyo settlers right he was over there doing he's from melbourne he was over there teaching

like doing a doing a teaching thing oh yeah for like doing a teaching doing it being a teacher i believe it's called i'm trying to remember if he was teaching or i think he was he taking the call anyway okay if my friend runs a thing right where they do like a it's like a um exchange basically like travel writing thing where yeah you come over and he was the so she was running that i went to meet her for a drink and she was like oh this friend of mine's gonna come along i love the idea that i'm just i've gotten the wrong guy and denim's listening going what the fuck are you talking about hey this might be much more exciting and interesting story than he's fucking boring ass life this maybe this could be very good for him maybe this could be a new a new beginning for him he could start dining in on this story. It's like nothing's ever happened to him.

And all of a sudden he's like, great, I've got this story about going to Japan. This guy has just inserted me into his memory. He's invented a story with me which never happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's better than all the other people. We're just like Johnny Big Bum. Yeah, yeah. It has to be the same guy.

Because it's like as if there's fucking two people in the world called Denim. Honestly. They must be the same dude. Honestly, dude. I talked to two people called Denim Saddler on the way here today. I bought a burger from Denim Saddler at the burger place, and I bought Katsu from another Denim Saddler. Yeah, right, right, right.

So, I don't know, man. There's a few of them around. Yeah. That could have been the same guy. Mm-hmm. So, I don't know, man. There's a few of them around. Yeah.

That could have been the same guy. Mm-hmm. Did this, in Tokyo, did this denim saddler mention working at a Katsu curry place in Richmond? Hmm. Well. Does that ring a bell? I mean, we were in Japan, so, again, I don't want to misremember. Right.

You know, he could have, I could be remembering him saying, yeah, I work at a Katsu curry place, but the actual memory is just me ordering a Katsu curry. Right. Because we're in Tokyo. Right, right, right, right. But yeah, spent a bit of time with old Levi. Yeah. Wow.

Well, maybe you did. Yeah. Maybe you did. Let's assume it's the same guy I'm thinking of. Yeah. A couple of ramens. Yeah. A couple of bevvies with our friend Lucy.

And you don't know whether he listened to the show at that point or maybe that inspired him? Actually, yeah, I'm not sure because we, like, you know, we friended each other and followed each other on the socials after that. So, yeah, maybe he started listening after that. I can't remember. I don't think he mentioned that he listened at the time. Wow.

That's quite an impression. Quite the impression. Quite an impression. Me fucking stuffing my gob with noodles in the middle of the night. Well, I appreciate that because, I mean, I'm getting half this Patreon cash off this cunt. Right. So, yeah, whatever you did, keep doing it, buddy. My exchange program where I'm going to Japan and just glad-handing any person I meet.

I won't mention the podcast because that would be vulgar. Yeah. What I'll do is I'll just, I'll just be my effervescent self. I'll suggest a mutual follow on the socials and I'll just wait for him to see the odd post about a thing and hope that curiosity gets the better of him. Great move. Yeah. Great.

I thank you for it. And you know what? After this, after this i'm gonna probably go and buy another milkshake and that'll be thanks to denim thanks to yep yeah well you can have half of it maybe so i don't yeah i'll get my own milkshake okay but uh yeah look let us know let us know denim love to know if i've absolutely fucked this yeah and also to know that there's another there's another Denim out there in Melbourne

too okay thanks Denim thanks Denim we've been like this quick because there is a guest at the door yeah

I bet you guys all wish you knew who it was oh mate you can't fucking find out yeah Elliot Goblet's getting angry so we'd better wrap this up

thank you very much the final the fourth fifth fifth to final one this week thank you very much the final the fourth fifth fifth to final one this week thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Godzilla Comedy

oh that actually reminds me of when I went to Japan I think I met this guy in Japan when you oh right yeah

when you went to Japan yeah what like 20 years ago yeah when I went to when I was sucking off Mothra and then oh right this cunt come up behind me and started to fight him and I was like what are you doing and he's like I was sucking off Mothra and then this cunt come up behind me

and started to fight him and I was like, what are you doing? And he's like, I'm fucking fighting Mothra. I was like, why are you picking on me? And then I was like, hang on, do you listen to my show? And he's like, I'm aware. Oh, very nice.

Very nice. So anyway, I think it's this guy. Okay. You can't be sure, though. There's a few Godzilla comedies around, so I'm not sure. It could be him. Oh, wow. Well, thanks, Godzilla Comedy.

Yeah. And thanks, everyone who supports the show on Patreon. We really appreciate it. Get onto patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. Chip in, get yourself some bonus episodes. littledumbdumbclub.com for the tickets to the live podcasts, the solo shows that we're both doing in Melbourne, the merchandise, all that kind of stuff.

Guys, thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.