The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 542 - Ray Badran & Cameron James

Episode Date: February 17, 2021

We're back on Zoom for a week so it's the perfect opportunity to catch up with our UK correspondent RAY BADRAN and our favourite co-pilot for chatterboxes CAMERON JAMES! As is always the case with Ray, there's a couple of stories here that take us almost the whole episode to dissect. Ray's been asked to go on a huge reality show and had a part written for him on a TV series, so things must be going great for him, right? Plus, Karl's tried to get t-shirts printed, Cameron's had a health scare, and Tommy's doing something very new and different in regards to self-isolating! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Ray Badron and Cameron James. We have got shows coming up in Melbourne, Saturdays at 3.30pm at the European Beer Cafe, Saturday, March the 27th, April the 3rd, 10th and 17th. We released a few more tickets for that and they are all, once again, close to selling out, so jump on it and do that right now. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Pause the episode and go buy yourself some goddamn tickets. Pause it. Don't listen to this bit.

No, this is rot. We've also got our solo shows on sale. Mine is called Tommy Dasolo in Meatball. It starts March the 30th, 7.30pm at the Coopers Inn. Six shows only. Get into that. And also, you have your show. Yes, it's Please Call Me Carl.

Mr Comedy was my father. And I think that's about 15 shows or something. But if you go to littledumbdumbclub.com for tickets or you can go to the Comedy Festival website for tickets, it's on 8.15 at the Imperial Hotel at all. You can see it straight after those aforementioned live podcasts, a couple of them. They're on directly after a couple of them at 5 o'clock in the afternoon

downstairs from the live podcast. So get on the websites, check out when you want to come. It might be easy to come straight after a live podcast. All right, check all that stuff out, littledumbdumbclub.com. We'll be back to talk to you more after the episode in Talking Dumb Dumb. But until then, enjoy this new one with Ray Badgerin and Cameron James. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week.

Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. With me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. It is 9.30am and joining us today on the show, we have Cam, James and Ray Badron. Clocking on. Reporting for duty. Yep.

Good morning. Put your little punch card in. Get it stamped. You can work at the comedy factory. Bit of behind the comedy curtain, but a bit of hackery happening there with Tommy Daslow. Now, that was Cam James' material. We did a test run. That's his gear.

It's clearly his gear. And now Tommy is just absolutely swarming. Just so all your listeners know, we do do a test run of every podcast. And we run the whole thing through. We come up with our lines. And then we record for real. Even this bit. This bit is scripted now as well.

This bit was in the original. Look, I may have stolen the 9.30am thing from Cam, but one thing that is genuinely mine is that people around the world may have seen that Melbourne has been plunged into a snap five-day lockdown, which is why we're doing this over Zoom. And a lot of people are finding that kind of hard to come to grips with. But me, on the other hand, it's just another day in paradise because I have been self-isolating for years.

So that, look, I'll put my hands in the air. The 9.30am thing I did lift, that one, that is a Dassault original. He did it. He did it. That's such a funny joke, Tommy. That's such a funny joke. Where did you come up with that? Bit of a misanthrope.

It's an interesting little angle on a shared experience we're all having, actually. Yeah. Yeah, you know, it's good because it gets across my character in just a very real brevity of words that I am a real misanthrope. You know, I'm a real piece of shit who doesn't enjoy social contact. You're a real hunter, S. Thompson. It lets us, the listener, know that you're a real fucking, real little piece of shit, which is good. Yeah, exactly.

It gets that out of the gates pretty quickly. Nice. Ray Badgerin. Ray Badgerin's sitting there absolutely bemused. Like this is the first time he's ever heard of such a thing. He's not laughing, but he's smiling so much. I'm blown away by such a great original joke, really. Yeah.

Look, be careful what you wish for, Carl, because once Ray gets going, we're not going to get a fucking word in on this thing, so just enjoy this. Sometimes a joke is so funny that it goes past laughter. It's admiration, you know? Just like in awe. You sound like you've had that happen to you a lot of times before Ray

yeah I'm like I go to the audience I'm like oh you guys must be in awe of me tonight not laughing a lot of people

in awe a lot of smiles a lot of smiles tonight I've heard that about your sets before Ray Ray really

awed it up tonight like the audience were just silent in awe I hear that a lot that's pretty common by the way thanks again guys for having me on with...

I feel like every time I'm on this show, you pair me up with one of the biggest fucking chatterboxes ever. I've done it with Paul Foote, Doug Stanhope, Scott Dooley, and now Ray Badger. And so I'm looking forward to just sitting back and saying nothing for the next hour.

I haven't said a bloody word yet. I haven't said a bloody word yet. This is double jeopardy now. Now I can do it. Now I can do it. This is Tommy Lee Jones. What's the girl? Tommy Lee Jones in the movie? Ashley Judd. You've done it.

I'm legally allowed to talk now. I've been persecuted for it. Cam, you've forgotten that we had you on with Andrew Wolfe, which says a lot about how few words you got in on that episode that even you've forgotten you're on. That was the Andrew Wolfe solo hour from memory. Yeah. Hey, I want to do this up top.

Talking about the pandemic, something made me think of pre-pandemic times the other day. Very nice. Just before everything hit. We do a bit of merch. We've got a bunch of merch on the show. We've got the burger shirt. We've got the aware shirt.

We've got some of the talking dum-dum sort of stuff at the moment. Now, I went out shopping for a new supplier about a year ago or so. And there's something up the road for me a t-shirt printing a business up the road and i thought you know what maybe i'll give these guys a go um they're pretty close to me i can go in and check on them pretty quickly get the deliveries pretty quickly from them they're pretty close sure they'd be wrapped with you coming in and having a little sticky beak at the screen printing process knock knock what the fuck are you using this ink for? Yeah, yeah. This is, why are you only using grey colours, Mr Chandler?

We've got something to tell you. So I went in there and I said, oh, great, I've got this design here. What do you reckon the quote would be on this one? And I showed them, like, the last design that we we did and they go, they looked at it and go, oh, actually we're closing down. So yeah, we're not doing this anymore. So yeah, look, if you know, we're sort of shutting up shop now

and we're going to close down. Oh, okay, no worries. Anyway, walk past here the other day, still going. Business is going great. Absolutely open for business a year later. Wow. What was the design? Was it the burger or was it the I'm aware T-shirt?

I think it was the Talking Dum Dum one. So, yeah, they just faked their own death to get out of doing a T-shirt for us. You should have just dug your heels in and gone, oh, we're closing down sale. Can we get like a good deal on, you know, this is your last hurrah kind of thing? It'd be good if every time you walk past, they like turn off all the lights and everything and shut the sign, out of business sign up,

put an out of business sign up. No, no, no. Rubbish out the front quickly. Just put a big cake shop sign out the front every time I come past. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like an old speakeasy. You know, it turns into a pub.

It turns into a pub, you know, but they're really selling T-shirts, you know. So they all pull out beer for you all past. Yeah, when I walk past, they're going, no, nothing to see here, Mr. Chandler. We're just selling illegal liquor. So, you know, just move on. Yeah, no, the cake shop thing is good. It's like get the Quick here he comes

Get the t-shirts out And chuck some cheesecakes in And we'll make it look like We're screen printing Happy birthday Onto the top of Onto the top of a red velvet Well I'm sorry

So you went in You went in live You just walked into this place And were like Hey What can you do for me Hold up a design As opposed to going in what As opposed to going in what?

Who the fuck does that? Why didn't you just email them? I was ringing them. Oh, sorry. You went in. Or emailing them. Well, I was just walking past. It's just near my house. I thought, I'm going to go old school. You know what it is.

Like our ancestors did when they just walked into t-shirt printing shops. Times have changed it's the country it's the country boy in you I reckon it's like why why get on the blow

when you can just pop down the street and you know and say g'day it's such a country boy thing to get his podcast country made

custom made t-shirts done in person you know all the all the all the blokes from the country they're out there getting their custom-made T-shirts for their podcast in person.

City folk get their custom-made podcast. City guys email their podcast. Country boys, they walk in. The Pilgrims did it. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. That's how my dad did it.

Are you just going to take this or are you going to go in and confront them and go, what's, you know? Mate, I don't want to get cancelled in the t-shirt community, you know, coming to try and force my t-shirt upon someone. I don't think I can. There's no way back. It's fine. Maybe they got JobKeeper and that's kept them afloat for the last eight months. Yeah. It's, look, it's near my afloat for the last eight months. Yeah. Look, it's near my house.

It's called the T-shirt company. If you want to start an online campaign as to why they refused us, go for it. Don't weaponize your fans, you cunt. Hey, guys, if you want to get out there and fucking destroy this small business, by all means. That's been on the cusp of closing down for a year now

and is only just hanging on for dear life. Let's destroy these dumb cunts. Unbelievable. Well, they said that was what was going on. So, you know,

this is a way of making them not liars. If we can close them down, they already told me they were going to close down. If we can close them down. They already told me they were going to close down. If we can close them down, that just means that they were telling me the truth in hindsight. Doing them a favour. Now I have no complaint. Yeah.

Now you can't sue them for false advertising. So wait, they're literally called the T-shirt company. I think so, yeah. The T-shirt printing company, maybe? This is a fucking fake business that you've gone into. This actually was a funny riff to imagine that it's fake, but it's literally called the T-shirt company. Actually, yeah, that does sound bad, doesn't it?

And I've walked in and they go, no, we don't do T-shirts. And then we ship heroin into the country. Yeah. Wrap them up in T-shirts. Anyway, this all seems legally sound to be talking like this about a business that we've actually known. Allegedly. Great.

If you say allegedly, you're fine. What's all this wee shit? You're the one that dragged us into this. I'm not part of any of this, and I like the T-shirt company, and, yeah, I support their business. Yeah, I actually – Right. Yeah, I just remembered, actually, I got some T-shirts made by them last week,

the T-shirt company. So I can vouch for the fact that it is legit. Actually, I just remembered I did shoot up some T-shirts from the T-shirt company the other day and it was good stuff. It was really good stuff. Right, right. I got T-shirts made up that said, I've been self-isolating from 20 bucks for years

so i can vouch for the fact that they are a legit t-shirt printing company yes yeah yes right right hey um ray thanks for thanks for uh thanks for being part of the show thanks for zooming in um everything going well over there in london the career's going. No stand-up for a year or so. The career's going absolutely ideally over there, I presume. Oh, yeah. It's, you know, well, not to steal Tommy's joke, but I've been self-isolating for 10 months now. That is, that's not stealing. You know what?

You've done five-sixths of his jokes, so I think that's okay, technically. I really like that. Yeah, I've been looking to franchise it out. So if you want to be the London branch of it, then I'm more than happy to sign off on that. I like you've actually punched that up. You've edited that a little bit.

You've taken one-sixth out of it to make it a bit more punchy. Well, no, I've given it truth. So I've been in lockdown for 10 10 fucking months I don't know whenever we did the first podcast of this was when we were first

going into it March or something last year yeah and then this yeah then about two months off in the middle

where I went on a holiday yeah yeah exactly you keep saying you've been in lockdown for 10 months with a little break to go to Paris

in the middle of that it's like 10 continuous months. Yeah. Well, the fucking, you know, well, you know how it was in Melbourne when after the fucking first lockdown, you just wanted to get away after that. And then, you know, so they slightly relaxed the laws. And also, Tommy, as you know,

self-isolating is a lot more fun when you do it with other people. Yes. So who can blame? And self-isolating with a loved one for 10 months and a trip to Paris in the middle. Yeah. That's nice, man. That's cool.

How was Paris? Did you see the Eiffel Tower? Yes. Good question. I did see. I have been to Paris before. Oh, la, la. I've been to Paris before. I've been to Paris. Oh, la, la.

I've been to Paris on multiple occasions, guys, yes. Maybe three or four times, you know. It's about two hours on the train. Much similar to you going to Newcastle and doing a gig yourself. It's kind of similar to that. You guys going to Geelong would have been. Sister cities. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sort of similar, guys. You know how that train to Newcastle goes under the water so it can get Sister cities. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sort of similar guys. You know how that train to Newcastle goes under the water so it can get you there? Yeah, yeah. Similar stuff. Also Geelong. Geelong to the sister city.

Australia, the city of love. Yes, correct? Yeah, yeah. When you're on the top of Smorgies it's sort of like the Eiffel Tower down there, I believe. And Ray, when you go to Paris to do a gig,

do you also bomb and then have to catch the train home for two hours with a bunch of dead shit open micers? No. Or is that just what I have to do when I go to Newcastle? Yeah, that's unique to you in Newcastle, I think, that experience. Okay, great.

Oh, I've got something. So I have been i have no in all seriousness i've been fucking locked down this is the third lockdown full lockdown in london and you know so you know middle of winter as well pretty shit and then i get a message about two weeks ago from from a guy i went to school with and he he goes i don't don't speak to him that often i don't really haven't spoken to him in years, just says, hey man, are you interested in going on the show Survivor? The show Survivor, right?

Now hang on, hang on a minute, hang on a minute. Has this guy got anything to do with the TV show Survivor? And then I'm like, all I'm like I'm like what so first thing you know I say this first thing in the morning waking up to it

and I'm like what so I write back haha yeah what are you talking about and it says my wife's my wife's the producer my wife's the producer

on the show she comes she's been to a few of your shows she likes your stuff and I just thought I'd get in touch first and I'm like

fuck me alright this doesn't seem how tv works like you don't go oh yeah hey hang on i'll send my husband to text the guy to see if he wants to do the show like there's no way that also also she was seen the producer's seen a few of your comedy shows have you ever eaten a raw fish in the middle of your stand-up or anything like that? No. She's clearly gone like, oh, do you reckon Ray would do this show? Can you get in touch and see if he, like, feel the waters?

And then so, yeah, so she emailed me. And then I'm like, it just starts moving along. And then I'm like. So now she emails you because at the point, at the start, she was like, oh, Ray probably wouldn't answer a message from a TV producer offering him a job. I better get someone else to do a bit of his whispers work. Get a private husband that he hasn't spoken to in years.

I'll send him along. I mean, it's by far not abnormal to get someone else to touch base before you touch base. I don't know. On a reality show. I love this. Also, I love this couple, like, the idea that they're sitting together, like, working this out.

She really wants you on the show. So he sends a message, gives you all the information, and then gets the reply back, ha ha, what are you talking about? Like, I've just been sitting there going, ah, fucking hell. Is this guy even going to know what show he's on? Well, you know, if you get a message fucking from a guy you went to school with asking if you want to go on Survivor from the middle of nowhere,

you're like, what the fuck? I think I get it. It's all there. All the info's right there. I'm saying yes, I'd love to. That reminds me of the time Letterman got his wife to hit me up about going on The Late Show. So, no, totally, I'm with you.

I'm with you, right? Well, yeah. Fuck. I wish I'd have brought my mates into it. You guys, you're comparing a fucking reality show to a talk show, for one. Yes, thank you. It's all right. You got an email from this woman.

You're listening. So then, yeah, so I'm like, you know, I'm all wound up here and stuff, but I've waited. I've done this whole lockdown to stay fucking here, you know. Well, you did go to Paris. No, to stay in the UK, you know. To stay in the UK. I didn't move back to Australia.

You did go through a few brutal holidays to get to this point. Yeah. You know if you go on Survivor, you're not going to be able to leave the island to go to Luxembourg for a couple of days, are you? Well, you don't know what's happening in the new series. You don't know what's happening in the new series. It was really hard.

It was really hard. I had to go over Panos Chocolat. It was just a very difficult lockdown. Oh, I'm not. Let me get this fucking down the way. Wait, wait, wait. One question. How many bucks weekends?

I know this is a roast podcast. How many bucks weekends are in this show? Wait, wait. I know this is a roast. I'm not implying that the lockdown was really hard. I'm not implying any of this. I'm just conning on to that's the joke that's happening there. I'm just conning on to it.

I can't get into this. It's too lazy. I'm starving on this deserted island. Is there a fucking La Ronda around here or what? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Now, when I heard deserted island, I presumed there was desserts on here. Now, where is the ice cream?

Where is the chocolate mousse lake? Is there a chocolatier or at the very least a fake T-shirt screen printing operation around where I can get a cake? Well, the point being, no, the point being is I'm not going on Survivor. That's it. I'm just not going on. But it was... Hang on.

Hang on. Hang on. What do you mean the point is I'm reluctant to fucking explain any more of the emails back and forth before it gets dissected into fucking and I have to prove myself at a court of law or whatever we'll be respectful just no it's not it's not even about respectful it's not it's just not it's not that great Of a story And I don't want to be I don't want it to go

I don't want I don't want my friend To be put into it Like that Okay I don't know what I don't I know that you

There's a reputation Of this podcast As we listen We learn We try not to make You know Light of anyone else's story So

I don't know why We started this episode So you're right We'll give you Your chance to get your story. Thank you, guys. So, yeah, I decided not to go on Survivor in the end of the day. And that's it. Hang on, hang on.

Hang on a minute. Thank God. I mean, I feel like now we should be interrupting because that's not much of a story. But were you going to be a contestant and were you sort of like a trial? Like you come on and try and tell one of your fucking stories and everyone has to put up with it?

Is that like one of the trials on the show? I'm not entirely sure what they're doing for the new season, but I feel like they're casting different people. I looked through the last series and they've done different things with, like, different professions. So you knocked them back. Profession.

Why did you knock... So you're stuck in your little flat in London. I've worked here. You have to go to a desert island, to a tropical island, where you get to hang out and fucking do whatever you want instead of sitting in a one-bedroom flat. Why are you knocking it back?

Well, it's, like, one, the commitment's a very long time two i pretty much have to leave the uk three it's not guaranteed to go ahead pretty much all sounds good all sounds good to me by the way but yeah anyway well yeah well i just didn't want to do that at that point in time you know so i but when i first got it i was in such a state that i was like i'm fucking i'm going i'm gonna do I'm going to do Survivor. But then, yeah, didn't do it. But now you've come to your senses.

Yeah. Now you've come to your senses and now you're just stuck in your house, not working and talking to us and playing with your hair and that's sort of the highlight of your day instead of the... Doing this instead. Yeah. Yeah. Me saying that out loud hasn't changed your mind at all?

Well, like, it's not like I'm going on the fucking tropical island now. I'd be going on in December when everything would be open here. Everything's pretty much going to be. So then it's like I've done a lockdown for no fucking reason. And London in December is much like a tropical island, I think. So you may as well stay. But to top it off, it's a fucking reality show

that if you get kicked off in two days, you can look like an idiot. It could be shit. It's like, you know, it could be, it's like, I watched, it's like... Yeah. Doing something that makes you look like an idiot

probably isn't a good idea. Yeah, no, do an open mic in the cold, I reckon, instead. That'd be better. Can you give us your old school friend's number? I want to be on Survivor. I'd love to be on Survivor. Get us on there.

Can you put in a good word for us? I just want to chat to you, this girl's husband, more than anything. I want to be friends with this guy. Yeah, find out the Survivor goss. Rob. He sounds generous. Yeah. And I feel bad for him.

He's reached out to an old schoolmate, been absolutely brutally knocked back. Yeah, find out the survivor goss. Rob. He sounds generous. Yeah. And I feel bad for him. He's reached out to an old schoolmate, been absolutely brutally knocked back. I want to be a shoulder for him to cry on. If you were to go on it, Ray, what would your strategy be? Because I watched a bit of it during the last lockdown here. And people, yeah, I hadn't watched it in ages. I kind of forgot. I always just in my head remembered it as just being people are just hanging out on an island.

But people go in there with like a real intense strategy. What would yours be? Well, I have one idea. Skywriters. I hire skywriters before the show at various dates. To do what? To come over and write. One just says, don't trust her.

So that should send a few people, enough people crazy and leave me out of it, you know? I'm out of it now, but they'll all start fighting. Oh, great. Oh, hang on, they fly over the island and do this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's pretty good. I'd get it done before and I told my brother, you know,

I told my brother, you know, find out the dates, you know, find out the dates, you know, find out, you know, find out the island. There's quite a few good reputable skyriders in American Samoa as well. So that should be pretty easy to hire. I'll just get this fly one from, you can just get one from here, I guess, or from there, I guess, you know. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, great.

Just get like a 12-hour journey from skyriding. Long haul skyriding flight. I'll just get one of the quadras. A 747 skyrider. I'm pretty sure quadras do it and stuff. You can get quadras or something like that. Actually, British Airways, I know you're flying from London to Sydney direct,

but if you can just, 13 and a half hours in, if you can just do a few loops, the captain comes on, like, we have a delay. We have to do some quick sky writing. Yeah.

If you could chuck a, will you marry me over the Indian ocean while you're at it? Since you're in the, since you're in the area anyway, you may experience some turbulence where just happy to be a part of, happy to be a part of something so beautiful. You may experience some turbulence where it just... Well, that's what I should have done. Happy to be a part of something so beautiful. We are fine.

The engines haven't failed. We're just riding fuck you, Gary, over the top of Fiji. Okay, guys? That's a pretty good idea, Ray. I reckon that's smart. That is actually a really, really good idea. Yeah. Well, I reckon it's a good thing for the airline industry in general at the moment.

They should have just got them up there. People are locked in. People are locked in and bored too. So they'll be looking up at the sky more. Right. Pilots have got nothing to do. Pilots have got nothing to do. Planes have got nothing.

Get them up there riding. And we've watched everything on Netflix and what else is there to do but stare at the sky and just wait for something to happen up there. You're right. You know what, Ray? To be honest, my wife works for a major airline company. I'm going to go and tell her this great idea right now. All their planes are in storage.

It's like, honey, I've got it. A way for us to pay the rent finally. Just heaps and heaps of sky riding. Yeah, just write Tiger King up in the sky and boom. Your money will be over. Yes. Fuck. Great.

Okay, great. A baby can eat. So that's a good strategy, Ray. Was there anything else? I haven't watched too many of this series, but I don't know if people fuck with each other on there and stuff like that. But I was thinking like another thing you could definitely do

is like Bible verses. If you memorize some bible verses before you went on and sort of carve them into some trees around hand like just john john 13 like six and stuff like that or whatever john john the book of john john yeah that's right john's got a book doesn't he no he does oh yeah you better believe it yeah so hang on what's on what's the purpose of the Bible Verses Just fuck with people's heads a bit You know they'll think they're clues And then they'll be like oh what's John 3 16

Yeah you get those You can find the Immunity tokens Hidden around the island so people are often Kind of like just hunting through Shrubs to find This little Token

So yeah If you put like Red herrings all over the place Just to be sneaky Yeah no I'm not sneaky I'm making everyone go crazy And I'm just chilling out

Oh yeah I've got to be I've got to be sneaky I've got to be sneaky And put them up And stuff like that Everyone will be going like Oh what

They're skywriting Don't trust her What do you think that means And then you've got to act. You've got to go like, oh, I don't know. Yeah. What could that mean? But they won't be looking at me.

Because they'll be like, don't trust her. They'll be like, who did that? They'll be like, the producers of the show have done this. You know? They'll think someone else. The producers. They'll think someone else. I do.

They're not going to do it. They're not going to think Ray Badron's done it. They're not going to think me. The contestant. I do think it's a little bit sus when there's 11 people all freaking out, looking in the sky and running around and throwing stones at this woman. And it's just Ray Badron sitting in a hammock eating muffins he's brought down the street.

Chilling out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chilling out, drinking from a coconut. Oh, man. I reckon that's good. Those are two great strategies because, yeah, everyone else goes mental and then you're in the middle just, you know, like people are watching it going,

God, that Ray Badron guy is pretty boring. Like everyone else is kind of a bit nuts. So your strategy to make yourself look like the only sane person on the island. Well, it's not about the viewer. It's about because they've got to vote each other off. So if they have mistrust in each other and then, you know, you just settle a few seeds of that.

And I mean, I haven't watched Survivor since the first season. I feel like the strategies have come so far since season one. I remember the guy that won the first season, Richard Hatch, his strategy was that he was just naked all the time. That was his big strategy. Richard Hatch was just nude all the time. Classic. But you've come pretty far.

You're involving third-party airlines. You've got Bible verses. You've got Malaysia Air into it. Yeah. You have to be careful, though, Ray, because what would your strategy be in terms of alliances and stuff like that? Because I do know there's a thing, I think it's called, people that are on there look for someone that they call a goat,

where they basically, I think it's someone who isn't going to be able to win it, but that they can kind of manipulate and sort of use to sort of like think they're getting ahead in the game. That probably would be me because I'd be like I'm the greatest of all time that's what it stands for right? I think you would have a lot of people

making a beeline for you thinking that they could easily manipulate you and use you to their advantage to win the game. So I think you'd have to be very strategic about the alliances that you form on the online. Well, I'm not going on, but it was an exciting

few days. I posted the message from my school mate up on Twitter, but I had to delete it because I was going to do the show, so I had to delete it at one point. But it was up online. It was there. It was there for everyone to see and to dispel the miscast

at the beginning of this story. This is so disappointing because I talked to you the other week and you're like, I'm going to go on Survivor. I'm going to go on it. I'm like, great, we'll be able to talk about this. And then a week later I go, how's Survivor going on this show? You're like, I'm going to go on Survivor. I'm going to go on it. I'm like, great, we'll be able to talk about this. And then a week later I go, how's Survivor going on this show? You're like, I'm not fucking doing it. Okay, great.

I mean, I'm saying it really hard to sort of justify not doing it as well because it didn't work out and it wasn't just like, yeah, it wasn't, yeah. Oh, hang on, hang on. Did you get, hang on. Now, did you get the ass? Did you get knocked back? Is it really you knocking it back or did they just come to their senses and go why the fuck would we want ray badger on survivor no i i i spoke to my management agency here and decided to not not go yeah that's good by them to

talk you out of doing anything on tv that's they're good they sound like good if you're on a tv show, who's going to be doing these Zoom gigs? They've really earned their 15% of nothing right there. They've done a good job. Man, this is devastating. Is it not too late to say yes to it? Because, man, I really want to see this. I don't want to talk.

I've lost worst. The worst thing, I mean, I can tell this story. There was something earlier in the year, at the beginning of lockdown, I got asked to do this show. I believe, Ray, that there is a show about to go to air in Australia. Is it about to go to air? It is about to go to air in Australiaralia is it about to go to air should it is about to go to air in australia that should have had ray badren in i watched the trailer for it last night and it should have had ray badren in it and it did not now what what's the go here ray well uh so just

before this is another like stupid i've just fucking made so many wrongs dumb decisions but um oh fuck um i hope it all pays off one day but anyway um i'm like i was you know i've come over here sacrificed quite a bit of time and you sort of have to start again i'm with this new agency and like a large stipulation of signing with them was that like i was going to focus my career over here and i wasn't going to move back to australia and they were like, all right, we'll invest some time in helping you develop and get in. So they do that. And then after a year, also,

I get this comedian about three years ago says to me in Australia that comedian Kitty Flanagan is running a TV show and a part of me. And there's a character in it based off me. And I'm like, you're crazy. I don't even know Kitty Flanagan. And this person is a bit crazy.

Anyway, that's all I heard about it. Right. And that person then went back to his TV producer wife and went, man, this guy, this guy, you've got to get him on something of yours. This guy You've got to get him on something of yours Wait, wait Then so Anyway, about a year ago

Beginning just before the Coronavirus hit, so say like February This year I get an email From my Australian management saying Kitty Flanagan's asked you To read for this part in her show And Now this part, this part,

wasn't the part actually even called Ray? Wasn't this person was based on you and the character's name was Ray? Yeah, I think it's still called Ray. So it's called Ray, Ray Gruber, and then I read the character description and I'm like, this is me. This is what the guy was talking about. Fuck.

What was the character description? Have you still got it? Oh, I this is what the guy was talking about fuck what was the character description have you still got it oh I probably do actually yeah I do I would I would have it oh fuck

I'll find it prone to horrible decisions and um tell us long stories and then I'm like um I'm like

really good with vacations in the middle of a pandemic yeah I think I think I could be you loves France yeah then um known for gravity anyway in the middle of a pandemic. Yeah, I think it could be you. Loves France. Yeah. Known for gravity.

Anyway. Good ideas about aircraft. So the filming for this thing is meant to be in like July, August last year. And I'm meant to be doing the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and some other things over here, and then I'm like, oh, I want to pull out of all that and go do this.

And I'm going to sound like I'm going to sound like a management over here piece of shit, but they're like, oh, we don't think you should go back for it. We don't think you should go back. Yeah, again, good. And I'm like, all right. And they're like, and then. I mean, look, Ray, Ray, Ray, look, I don't know anything. What would I know?

But I would have thought the job of getting management is for them to get you TV shows, not the opposite. I don't know if I would employ someone to stop me getting TV shows, but, look, again, what do I know? What would I know? Ray, don't you have – you have different management in Australia, right? I do. I do.

So isn't this your UK management? They don't care because they're not getting any cut of you doing this. Yeah, they don't care. And there was a big thing when I signed with them that, like, this was going to get in the way and then it has now. And they're, like, you know, and so they are a bit annoyed that they've invested time and money into – to me it's an act and I haven't returned that. And you've selfishly had someone write a role for you based on you.

I don't know if it's based on me. With me in mind, here it is. Here it is. I found it. Ray Gruber. Who knows? Based with me in mind. Raymond Gruber. Helen's boss on it. Raymond Gruber.

Helen's boss at Gruber & Gruber. Pam's younger brother. Ray is Helen's sloppily dressed, plain-spleen speaking boss. When G&G become wheels and probate specialists, Ray discovers that many of their clients were more comfortable talking to his sister Pamela, mostly because she was a woman, but also because she was older and therefore had more empathy as well as life experience. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Here we go. The most important thing about Ray is that he is not a mean or hard character. Yes, okay. Well, you found one compliment in that Horrible character description It's not even a compliment It's just not a negative It's not even It's not even saying he's nice

It's just saying I'm not mean He's not a total cunt No empathy but You know not a cunt about it Yeah So I can't be fucked. Does it say anything about this Ray Gruber guy that he makes several bad decisions

and his boss has actually stopped him from getting several promotions? Does it say anything like that in there? He's a... Okay. Hey, I'll tell you, I'll give you a little update on that, Ray. I auditioned for that part, for the right part oh so what happened afterwards so afterwards they go they go so i you you'll probably you fill it fill me in on i think this is probably where you come in cam then so someone rings uh so i decided i'll go for this

read and if it's good and everything's good and everything i'll just say and they really want me i'll say i've got to do edinburgh and that but can we shoot on alternative dates oh my god yes also also i've i've talked to you ray about this now ray you've come in here with the mindset of they've written a role for me called Ray based on me I thought it was like a read I thought I'd just go in there and read it I thought it was so I go in there

this is based on you I go in and it's this place it's set up I don't do auditions either I don't do many and ironically you don't do auditions is that a stipulation of your management?

no no no don't do auditions that'll only lead to work don't do that. You could be, while you're doing that audition, you could be busking, earning us some money

out the front of the train station. No, better still. Better still. Stay in your house. Stay in your house. COVID aside, I was doing fucking fine for work though. I wasn't fucking busking

outside of a train station. Let him finish. Let him finish. him finish they wouldn't they wouldn't have let you you would have only got money doing that

so stay inside so it's illegal to go outside at the moment Ray you go in you go in you do an audition

where do you you've got this this is not an audition you've got it it's called Ray it's you I go in there and it gets

it gets like worse like it's just like the in there i go in there and it gets it gets like worse like it's just like the people that are meant to be there auditioning me are sick and they're not there so there's this girl and she goes you know what we're doing today i don't know what we're doing really and she goes oh i'm i am right i said can you print this off for me and i sent her this email and she goes all right so she prints it off fantastic and we just do this fantastic we do this thing where I read it off and she's behind the camera and I just leave. And it was raining that day.

I had the wet hair. It just would have been like so bad. It would have been so bad. You're sloppily dressed. That's fine. That's part of the character description. And then I'm like, oh, fuck. Well, fuck.

I'm probably never going to hear about that again. And also, Ray, to be fair, now you, as you've told me, it's written for you. It's about you. The guy's called Ray. Why should you have to learn your lines? That's what I said.

I said the real Ray Badron doesn't learn lines. So whoever's written this is written it poorly. It's bad writing. What am I going to do? Sit up the night before and study my birth certificate? I know who I am. If it's with me and mine like yeah

no that's it I'm actually I feel really guilty because I'm I was really flattered that Kitty Flanagan would think of me

and so I don't want to you know disrespect you know I really I wish I well yeah looking back

I wish I yeah but I always feel like that with fucking everything I do really I think but I go so I wish I was. You feel bad. Yeah, but I always feel like that with fucking everything I do, really, I think. But I go, so I go, I go, oh, fuck it. I still had a heaps of work then. It was fine. And COVID hadn't happened and stuff.

And then COVID happened and all the live scene went. And I was like, oh, no, this is probably going to be the only bit of work I'm probably going to be able to do in the next year. So I ring up my Australian management. I said, can you find out about that part? How I went. No, can you tell them that I didn't think I went very well and I'd like to read for it again or something like this.

And anyway, she gets in touch with them and they say, yeah, they say pretty much it's too late now. We're going to go to the people. But didn't they say, but they said, didn't they say, no, no, no, it was good. It was good, right? No, it was good. And then you're like, no, it wasn't.

It was shit. And then they're like, no, no, no, it was good. And then you're like, it was shit. And then they go, okay. Oh, no, they were pretty adamant it was shit from the get-go. Like, there was no hiding it was shit. Like, there was absolutely no hiding it. Like, you know, and I was reading off a piece of paper

that I got, like, someone that worked there that didn't know what they were doing to print off for me with wet hair. I'm so embarrassed. But then anyway, a couple of months. So then Cam reads for it. At this point, Cam is a better Ray Badger than Ray Badger because that was happening.

I've been called in to read for so many parts that have been written for comedians that we know or by those very comedians. I've read for Ray. I also read for a part that Reese Nicholson wrote for himself. And the character was called Reese. And the producers were like, yeah, we just want to look at some other Reese's. And I'm like, you've got Reese's right there. Just get Reese. But, you know, I can do Reese.

I can do a Reese impression. Go on, do one right now. Do one right now. Come on. Come on. G'day, guys. I'm Reese Nicholson. And I'm a gay comedian.

Yeah, there we go. Guys, you should see what he's doing in the Zoom window right now. That's really what brings the impression to life. But anyway, you didn't get the part, Ray, and neither did I. So when you were reading the book, did you know that it was written with me in mind or whatever? Or no, you just thought it was a guy called Ray Green Or no, you just thought it was a guy called Ray? No, I just thought it was a guy called Ray. And now that I know it to you, I would have played it totally differently.

A bit cooler. Ray, a bit cooler. I think, I don't know, I want to clarify too. I think it was written with like me in mind, not based off me. So I think there's a big difference. But they did call him Ray. Yeah. And also, not what I heard from you.

Wait, wait, wait. So, yeah. No, it's like, so I then I go, you know, it's lockdown here, the first lockdown, a couple of months, and I'm like, fuck, you know, go a bit crazy. I think, oh, I'm going to reach out to Kitty Funnigan. I've never met her before or whatever. Go direct.

So I emailed, I messaged the writer that told me about it a few years ago. Hi, Kitty. It's Ray Gruber here, the real Ray speaking. You might know me from Final Draft. Anyway, Kitty's, like, so nice and so cool. And she's, you know, I hadn't really spoken to her before, but really nice, really cool. Gave me some really good advice.

And then she says at the bottom of the email, she goes... On how to be yourself. Yeah, cool. You know, just in comedy and she was pretty honest too she said you the thing was shit and all this stuff and blah blah but i did too like i said i was reaching out to say sorry for it and stuff like that and then um she said they've you know this could have just been a fob off which i i assume it is she says they they cast someone else as the role of the sister.

And I sent in a new audition tape, despite them telling me not to. Oh, self-test. Direct to the talent. Wow. Do not send in any more footage of yourself, Ray. No. Here it is. No, I was like, can I send another one?

They were like, oh, yeah, you can, but it won't make a difference. So I was like, oh, fuck it, I'll do it. Oh, man. I sent it. I sent it. But then Kitty was like, good on you for sending that and blah, blah, blah. And then she was like, she goes, oh, the part's not suitable for you, but I like you, so I'm going to write you another part in it.

So I'm like, what? There's going to be another Ray? A second character called Ray? Do you think every character you play has to be called Ray? Well, why would they keep if he's Ray, then who am I? You're some other fucking guy, man.

What chance would I have of being someone else than Ray? If I couldn't do the Ray part Fantastic That's what I'm saying You're being You're being written in down the line Just like me and Carl

In season two of Die on your feet Fantastic Can't wait to see that By the way guys So yeah Marty Sheargo Marty Sheargo

Plays Ray Marty Sheargo Plays Ray Yeah Yeah Alright I reached out to him I said hey You want to hang out For a couple of weeks You know Get in the character Before hand Marty Sheargold plays Ray. Yeah. Oh, right. I reached out to him. The first Ray.

I said, hey, you want to hang out for a couple of weeks, you know, get in the character. Get to know me. You know, I was like, oh, man. Go meet my family. Go meet my family, you know, my brother, my mom, my dad. Figure out about me, you know, how I became who I am. Come over, do about eight months in lockdown,

take a bit of a trip to Paris with me, really get to know the real road. Yep. Right, I feel like we kind of glossed over this part of the story that really does show how confident you were that this role, you know, had been written for you and was yours. You're auditioning, you've got a scheduling conflict and you're thinking you're going to get the role

and just get them to hold up the entire production and move the dates because it clashes with the commitments of a supporting character. See, that confidence, the filming yourself again even though they've told you not to, going direct to the talent, trying to do a bit of a backdoor deal to get yourself in, all of this is what makes it so infuriating that you're not doing survivor

so perfectly the confidence comes from the fact that i i i never have done an audition before and i don't act so i didn't i didn't and this guy told me that i got the part right there was written right yeah right did you did you lose the Survivor job because you insisted they move the production to Picardy Circus? I heard Marty Sheargold got Survivor, actually. He actually looks a bit more like he should be on Survivor, Marty Sheargold. That would be fine.

Yeah. Marty could not look less like a Ray Badron type. No, no. Like hair alone, like a bald man is the complete antithesis of Ray Badron with the unkempt mane. Absolutely.

And character. I think character's the exact opposite. Yep, yep. They really got burnt by that audition and they've gone the exact opposite. They've yep. So, Ray, do you think you're going to be able to... They really got burnt by that audition, and they've gone the exact opposite. They've gone, I can't believe we got our heart broken by Ray. We're just going to go absolute poles apart.

Yeah, yeah. Do you think now, when that production company auditions for people, the descriptions are just going to be, we're looking for the opposite of a Ray Badron type. Whatever you can do to be not like Ray Badron, the better. Well-dressed, empathetic. It happened to me once before with a voice ad too

where I got asked to do a voiceover thing and it didn't happen. They were like, do it in your own voice. Do it in your own. You had a wet voice. No, but they were like, they saw my stand up. They asked me to do this chocolate milk ad. I'm like, oh, fucking great.

And it's this audio. It's this audio for this chocolate milk ad. Nothing makes me want to drink chocolate milk more than listening to someone who sounds like they've just drunk chocolate milk. I've been craving an oak for the last 45 minutes. I don't know why. I remember what it was called. It was called Brown's Chill Chocolate Milk.

It was for Western Australia. Good Lord. And they would just say it however you – just say it how you'd naturally say it. And it was just one of those things where I just didn't know. I just got nervous and I was like, how do I say this? And then I was like, Brown's Chill Chocolate Milk. Brown's. And then, you know, once you start trying after a few,

well, you might as well, you've got to go home and come back the next day. Anyway, I didn't get that. I'm just trying to Google what's the opposite of dulcet. What's the opposite of dulcet tones? Browns, chilled chocolate milk. I reckon that would have been good. Browns, chilled chocolate milk. Well, would have been good Brown's chilled chocolate milk

Why don't we do an ad for it right now If we can Let's do an ad for it right now And get a little bit free sponsorship If you're going to weaponise your fanbase Carl Let's get them to just buy a bunch of browns Oh yeah

Yeah Let's drive Brown's stock up Is it even Is it still going Is it even a brand like That's in shops Brown's Mate I've never heard of it. Never heard of it.

I've never heard of it before. Yeah, they should have got me to do the fucking ads, shouldn't have they? Oh, there it is. They should have got me to do the ads. Brown's Choco Chill. Yeah, there you go. It's a milk energy drink.

Yeah, right. Disgusting. It might not have. Some of them pivot into that way, you know? Some of them, I think, you know, Dara and that didn't start that way and now, you know, they go into, anyway, never mind. Let's move on. Don't talk about the competition.

So, Ray, are you going to be able to watch this Kitty Flanagan show? Like, you know, trying to see what kind of a job Marty's doing and, you know emailing him after every episode just tell him what he did wrong no no no look i'm i'm i'm i'm i'm a bit hesitant to i might be i don't want to claim the part as me so much like it was just written with me in mind

you know and it's called right you need it and i didn't i didn't get it i didn't get it but i don't want to be like oh oh, yeah, Marty, Marty, you're Ray Badrin, or some shit like that. No, what we need to do, we need to commission a fan re-edit, like those people that re-cut The Phantom Menace. So any shots where it's like a two-shot or a single, like Marty and then Kitty, you just film your own bit and you splice yourself back into the show.

That's a great idea. We'll get a little hashtag going. Release the badger and cut. The badger and cut. Let's get Kitty's show really big, as big as Seinfeld, and so then all of a sudden there's the Ray Badger and reality tour on top of it. Yes.

Now, that would be good. Yes. This is how Ray – what's his last name? Ray what? What's the character's last name? Gruber. Gruber. Ray Gruber.

Gruber, yeah. Right. This is how the real Ray's his last name? Ray what? What's the character's last name? Gruber. Gruber. Ray Gruber. Gruber, yeah. Right. This is how the real Ray Gruber would have done it. I'm so sorry, Ray. I love that the Ray Gruber reality tour will happen in London. If you like this Australian show on the ABC, just come over and take a lap of my lounge room in fucking Houston. And it's just Ray taking you to the walkabout

and getting fuck-eyed. That's the end of the tour. I mean, I don't want to sound sad. And Paris. And Paris. The shock, at least. The upside is to it is I was actually, I felt pretty shit about that kiddie thing for a while.

And then I was like, I was in London. When I was in Paris, I got asked to do a TV spot when it opened up here in the UK which I wouldn't have been able to do if I did the kiddie show if I went back to do that

so there was some silver lining you know silver lining to it at the end of the day yeah so

yeah it's a good thing that you fucked up that audition if you had if you had done a good job you wouldn't have been able to do that stand-up spot. It's just not as depressing as it all sounds. I don't want someone to say at the end, oh, sorry, Ray.

It's all fine. It's all good. And also, let's not forget that I also auditioned for it, and I also didn't get it. And, you know, I went on to bigger and better things too. I got to do a gig on the Central Coast two weekends ago to six people and it went fine. It went fine.

Yeah, nice. They were a good six. Yeah, they were a good six. They sounded like ten. Yeah, good laughers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cam, if you don't mind, we like Ray's stories that end in failure because that's sort of funnier for comedy.

If you just get on here and just skite about your achievements like that, there's not a lot of humour in it. Yeah, sorry. I'm a bit of a braggart. Melbourne's about to come out of another lockdown, maybe to the same restrictions as when we opened before. So six people will be a fucking full house down here in a few days. They'll be the bumper crowds that we'll be having

in our live podcast. And also, if they open in a couple of days, I've got Kitty Flanagan on at my gig and I know what I'm absolutely going to be asking her about. Yes, yes. Well, I know there's been a lot of questions as to why I would stay in the UK, but I'll tell you what, guys, it's all going to pay off soon. We haven't answered that.

I will become... I should be... I'm on track to become Australia's first vaccinated comedian, I believe. Oh, wow. It's a title that I'm going to hold and not ever be taken away from me. And I think if all goes to plan,

I mean, possibly I'll get rolled out there first and someone will get... Like, who's an old Australian comedian that might be vulnerable? I reckon Chris Franklin will get it. To be honest... Before you. To be honest...

No, but like... I don't know if we can... I don't know if we can get him as Australian, but Ronnie Chang's been vaccinated about 17 times, if that counts. But, yeah. At birth, I believe were there any side effects to that

are you saying you'll be Australia's first vaccinated comedian just because it's so widely available in the UK now and everyone's getting it or are you upper level because they think you're disabled bit of both frontline workers nurses or are you upper level because they think you're disabled? Bit of both.

Frontline workers, nurses, badgering. No, they want to give it to a lot of celebrities and role models and stuff like that and fellas inside. Get the kids out there. Get the kids out there. Get in their jabs. I'll say, you know, guys, I've got a jab in my funny bone. That's what I'll say and I'll turn to them and I'll be like. And then at the last second, your management come in and go,

no, actually, you're not going to get the vaccination. We're going to actually, yeah, knock that back. We're giving it to Marty Sheargold. I don't think you're ready for that. Interesting that you're saying you won't go on Survivor because you don't know how it's going to go, but you're prepared to have the vaccine when you don't know what the fuck's in it. You don't know what side effects there are going to be.

It's just all mind control propaganda that the government... Hang on, everyone's left the Zoom chat. Where'd you guys go? Have you guys muted me or something? No, we're with you, man. We're also anti-vaxxers. It's all been planned by the global elite. No, you know, as the advice given from you constantly,

we're just out of shot doing our own research. That's what we're doing. Yeah, yeah. Got Wikipedia open. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's it. That's it. What else, Ray?

Anything else over on that side of the world? Mate, no No not heaps I mean You know Just fucking lockdown man Yeah I mean I've got like

Working on a few projects And stuff And I mean Yeah Trying not to drink too much Trying not to smoke Heaps of weed Exercising lots

How's You're actually Can you give us You're actually Getting pretty ripped Yeah I'm on the American beauty regime Like like Kevin Spacey.

I just smoke weed and work out pretty much all day. Hang on, hang on. What, is there something wrong to reference the actor Kevin Spacey and his role in American beauty? Can we not separate the artist from the art? Yeah, but you need to be frank. You said that you've been doing other things that Kevin Spacey does as well Can we not separate the artist from the art? Yeah, but you need to be frank. You said that you've been doing other things that Kevin Spacey does as well outside that movie.

I did not say that. It's on record that I definitely did not say that. I was recording what I said and I did not say that. Don't even put that out there. Yeah. All right, sorry. Ray, last time you were on, Don't even put that out there Yeah Alright sorry Sorry about that Ray last time you were on

You were telling us about Your How you've been bonding With the people in your apartment building Yeah And the gigs that you were doing In your little courtyard Yeah

Getting on it with your neighbours How's that been going Over the last few months Oh pretty good Pretty So I made a pilot with them I made a pilot With them

So it's It's pretty good. I've sent it through. It's through this company at the moment. Your character's called Marty. He's on Breakfast Radio. No. I play myself and everyone plays themselves in the building, in the Scotia building, and it's called Scotia Building.

So that's on the pilot. So who got it when it went to series? I actually read for that part as well all right yeah yeah um yeah so we we did made it we made a um a talk show you know in the building i got like about eight different uh people from the building different apartments and stuff to come on and i've got a musician from the building i found a musician and found a few different people and yeah. And you host it? You're the talk show host?

I'm the king of late night television at the Scotia building. Yes, I am. Yeah, right. Do you do what though? No, I don't do what though. We do. Do you do like who would you turn gay for? Our segments are like we've got like, you know how like in the Oscars

they've got like in memorandum for people that die? It's like that for people that moved out of the building. So we've got that for people that have moved out of the building. Yeah, that's cool. Also in memorandum, isn't that just like a reminder? That's a reminder. That's not someone who died. No, In whatever.

Memoriam. Memoriam. Memoriam. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, no, no, no. Yes, you are correct there. Yes, yes. In memorandum, Ray forgot to take the bins out this week.

Oh, okay. Yeah, thanks for reminding me. In memorandum, buy milk. Yeah. I do like that. Cam's suggestion is good. Who in this apartment building would you turn gay for? You know, when Rove used to ask it, it was too broad,

but having it focused in. Well, there wasn't many broads involved in that question. Whoa. Whoa. Ray, I did like it very early on. When we talked to you basically last, we haven't talked to you for a long time, but it was a nice little snapshot into someone in lockdown.

I don't think we'd gone into lockdown at that point, so we're just sort of like viewing you from afar, viewing someone who's like locked up for weeks and months and just going, this is Ray Bedron's mind in lockdown, where you were just getting pissed, recording you talking to your housemates out of your mind, drunk. And then you were trying to send it to me going, put this out as a little Dumb Dumb Club episode.

And it's like, Ray, that's not how this works. You getting pissed with your mates. I tried to launch my own podcast. Oh, that was just sad. Because I had this, I sent it to so many people. I had this idea the first time I was going to use my neighbours and I was like, yeah, I'll make a podcast with them, you know. Just drunk rambling and you just saying, rebadge this as you and Tommy.

You have to put this out. There's a few loyal listeners to this recording that just influenced me too much, you know? And I was like, yeah, you know what? This is funny. This is actually hilarious. And I'm like, wait, you're just the other person on it, you know?

So why am I listening to you? Great, great. Well, sadly that didn't make it out of lockdown. No, no, no. That was another failed pilot with them. But, yeah, they've been pretty good for the lockdown. Really? Hanging out with the neighbours?

Well, we'd better wrap up this edition of... Hang on, hang on. We've got one minute left. We've done Ray Badger and fuck stories for 59 minutes. Cam, what have you done that's fucked in the head lately? You've got one minute. Oh, fuck. Guys, I have a UTI uti so i'm dealing with that at the moment it's really really piss nice one yeah really need to piss i constantly feel like i need to piss um cranberry juice dude

cranberry juice that's the secret that's bad yeah i didn't know i didn't know how to how you get them but i've got one um I didn't drink water for 10 days Apparently that's part of the problem Really? Is that true? Apparently from not drinking water Did you actually not drink water For 10 days?

I was brushing my teeth And you get a bit of water I don't spit I swallow And like you know I was drinking coffee and stuff So there's water and all that But yeah not enough water So do have a UTI

Wait is this a real story? Is this a real story? Yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah I do have a UTI It's not good Fuck off Why come I get roasted for

fucking like a real exchange of emails? A real fucking exchange of a healthy fucking guy here in the fucking room with chest infection. What the fuck? Anyway, that's all we have time for, guys.

That is. I do love it. Oh, I rated and signed off his email correctly, you know? I love it. That's a very Ray Badren defence as well. You didn't drink water for seven days. I brushed my teeth. No, that's not drinking water.

Right, if that was Ray Had said that We would be dissecting That statement For the next hour and a half For the camera Like here's one zinger What else you got going on

So how are you feeling Cam Are you better Are you getting better Yeah feeling a bit better now Yep Feeling good Been drinking a lot of water So yeah

Is the cranberry juice Did they. Is the cranberry juice? Do they drink the... Is the cranberry juice, Venter? I didn't even know. I'm going to go buy some right now and I'll let you know how my piss turns out. Are you like Tommy, Cam? Did you think there was too much vaccine or fluoride in the water?

Is that what was happening here? That's how they get you. Tommy's been sending me a lot of really interesting literature about fluoride and vaccines and also about the Aryan White Nation, which I'm sort of liking. It's interesting stuff. They are good. Yeah, this is fair.

Joking about COVID stuff and now I'm lumped in with that as well. That's fair. That's fair stuff, I reckon. Not everyone's right 100% of the time. Not everyone's right 100% of the time, but, you know, good stuff there. All right. Let's wrap it up for another week on the little dumb-dumb

Before we go. Yeah. One, one. Why don't you get, just to get back to the T-shirt place, why don't you get another T-shirt made now saying why did you tell me you were closed down right right just send that in as the design like walk in have that printed out and just put it on the desk and go i want this on a hundred shirts yep yep yeah that's good yeah and then the full story on the back like the full story on the back, like the full story on the back, you know?

The full exchange. Like tour dates. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That'll be good.

Well, you know, I've already got a, the baby's room is already full of merch we haven't sold. Why not get another hundred t-shirts that absolutely no one will buy for sure. Yeah. Yeah. All right, Cam cam you have the total reboot podcast with alexi teleopolis yep and uh me and becky have a podcast at the moment as well it's called the becky and cam hotline people call in and give us problems and we give them advice it's kind of like hughes we have a problem but it doesn't have hughes on it

or nazim right and yeah you sound like you're really backing it because you said me and becky we have a problem, but it doesn't have Hughsey on it. Or Nazeem. Right. Yeah. You sound like you're really backing it because you said me and Becky have a podcast at the moment. So it sounds like a big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big,

big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, Sounds like things are going really well between you and Becky by the sound of it. So great. Great stuff. I mean, we know Tommy and Carl, but we're all right. That could be the next mystery podcast that you and Alexi do. What the fuck happened to Becky?

Where did she go? Why are we doing this podcast anymore? So all of a sudden it's a true crime podcast. Okay, interesting. Ray, what have you got? You've got these bootleg recordings of you and your housemate. Yeah, I've got a bootleg recording. Survivor coming up.

I didn't listen to the last 50 minutes of the podcast, but you're on Survivor coming up soon on the next season, so that'll be good. Yeah, Survivor, Kitty Flanagan's show, watch out for that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm doing some chocolate milk ads in WA. Chocolate milk ads, yeah. Yeah, chill, chocolate milk.

And so, yeah, I actually got, yeah, I'm booked in for a gig. First, I think this is like from the theatre on April the 8th. So it was booked in. It was booked in in March. Exclusive. And then it's been pushed back. So that looks like the soonest they think it's going to open. 11 months.

Not 11 months. It's two months away or whatever. Oh, sorry, sorry. 13 months, I should say. It was booked in from last year. Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm just saying that say. It was booked in from last year. No, no, no. I'm just saying that's my next gig, the 8th of April. Oh, so we move from March 2021.

Yes, yes, yes. So keep pushing it back to the first available sort of date that they think will be open again sort of thing. What about the show that you were going to do in Sydney over Zoom where people were going to pay to come and sit in a room and watch you on a screen. No, no, no, that's happening at Sydney Comedy Festival. Fuck, yeah. So I'm doing a show at Angel Comedy,

where you guys did your podcast. I'm doing a show there at eight in the morning. Those guys, they must be so worried. I've got their keys, but they've been locked out for ages. They just gave me the keys. I just go there and do it, if you want. And then so, I can just go there and I'm just going to stream the show.

So that's the plan. You're going to do your show, your full hour, in London, and then people are paying good money to go to the Sydney Comedy Store and just watch you. Sit in a room and watch a live stream of you on the other side of the world. No, no, no, no, no. So I had a host in Sydney.

So my mate John Cookshank was going to host with a GoPro on his head so I could see the audience as well. And then I had some guests live in Sydney and appearing via Zoom and appearing in London too. So this is like Ratatouille. You're in Cookshank's head kind of directing him how to do comedy to the live audience in Sydney. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe you've referenced Ratatouille a few times, Phoebe. I love it. It's my favourite movie.

I know. I just don't know how you've pulled it off again. It somehow fits this scenario as well. Paris came up before and I stayed silent, okay? You've got to give me credit there. Tommy's a child. He's seen one movie, okay? He's trying to work it into everything.

I watch one movie again and again and again and again. It applies to any situation, you know? Someone gets divorced, you're like, this reminds me of a movie I've seen. Someone going for a job. A little rat on my head. me of a movie I've seen. Someone going for a job. Have you seen Ratatouille? Yeah. Our kitchen has an infestation.

This reminds me of a movie I saw once. Oh, it's happened again. Great. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, rats running around eating all my food. I'm like, oh, this is quaint. This is like in Gay Paris in that movie, Ratatouille.

Yeah. Reminds me of something. Check out all that stuff, guys. Thanks very much for listening, and we movie Ratatouille. Yeah. Reminds me of something. Check out all that stuff, guys. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. See you, mates. And they've done it again. Oh, they've done it again remotely.

We're back, baby. Or we're the opposite of being back. Whatever it is, we're doing it again remotely. We're back, baby, or we're the opposite of being back. Whatever it is, we're doing it again. Yeah, we're back. We've been dragged kicking and screaming onto our favourite app of all time to do the optimum look. You guys, a lot of you have been crying out saying, look, these in-the-room ones, we miss the awkward pauses,

we miss the delays, we miss the differing sound qualities. Get back onto Zoom. And thankfully the Victorian government has heard your pleas and thrust us back into the isolation chamber. And so you've got new wishes. Here it is. Yeah, Bernie has Zoomed a big one. We're back. So welcome, welcome. And so you've got new wishes. Here it is. Yeah. Bernie has Zoomed a big one. Yeah.

We're back. So welcome. Welcome. We're even doing, even Talking Dumb Dumb is back on Zoom, obviously. Yep. Yep. So this is it. This is it.

Hopefully it's all fixed pretty soon, but, you know, whatever. Who cares? Whatever. Good to have Badron back. Man, I was just checking how long it had been since he'd been on and fucking ages. So that was a delight to get him back in the room. I thought he might have been a bit more enthusiastic about being back

with nothing to fucking do. But looking at him in the Zoom window, it looked like he was going to kill himself for most of the episode. But, yeah, sure. Yeah, I mean, it could have something to do with we changed the time of this so it was like pretty late in the evening for him. You know, maybe he was just thinking about Nine Eyes because we switched.

We were meant to be doing a late night one our time, sort of morning for him, which maybe, you know, he would have gotten him around lunchtime. He may have been a little sprightlier. Who can say? You never know what you're getting with that guy. But once again, some great yarns from him that we thank him for, allowing us to just shit all over for an hour.

Yeah, yeah. I was just looking at Cam during most of it. It's like we've just got this one guest in to shit on their stories. And Cam, you can come and help a little bit if you want. I guess that's the job description on this episode. Yeah, and you're in a city where we're wrapped to be doing this because it's something to fill the day in lockdown. Cam's in a city where he could go outside, he could do whatever,

go to a cafe, go to a bar, could do whatever he wants. But he still said yes to doing this. So, yeah, speaking of all that kind of stuff, our Perth date has been postponed again. We don't have a new date yet, but yeah, once again, guys, keep those tickets under the magnet on the fridge. They will be valid someday, someday in the future. They will be valid someday, someday in the future. We will be in the state and you will be able to come with that ticket that you had for originally January the 26th.

Look, it might be September. Who the fuck knows? No, don't say that. Don't say that. One of these days you'll be able to walk into that venue with that ticket and come and see us. So, yeah, keep an eye on your email and on the socials. And as soon as we can announce something about getting over there,

we will do it and you will be the first to know. And it's going to be a great show. Yeah, we're aiming to be there ASAP. We'd love to get there. Love to get there as soon as possible. So we're working on it. And also, we'd love to tell you the whole story about just top to bottom the whole organizing of this fucking perth gig it's so much is going on

behind the scenes as well it's fucked in the head it's uh it's it's gonna be a big i'm gonna have to do a big come on the stage in perth or something just to to get rid of all this fucking built up tension and stress of this fucking gig. But anyway, whatever. It is fucked in the head. So also we have our Melbourne shows on sale March the 27th, April the 3rd, April the 10th, April the 17th, 3.30 p.m. at the European Beer Cafe. They were sold out and then we released some more tickets and they are nearly sold out again.

So get on that if you're thinking about coming of course march the 27th after that show we have our after party at the at spleen the pop-up restaurant dum-dum burger or the little dum-dum club presents carl chandler's leon smash burger didn't we didn't we leave it as planet westgate the last time we talked about it? Oh yeah, planet Westgate. That's right. Yeah. The Melbourne franchise of planet Westgate. Yes. Yeah. So come and check that out. You've been hearing about it for a little while now. So that's going to be a lot of fun.

If you want to, yeah, if you want to double up and come to a podcast before that, then that's the one to aim for. But all this stuff, littledunlunclub.com, including our solo shows which are both on sale and we told you about at the top of the episode but you guys get it yeah what's going on but get along get along you know we we we tend to have to push them a little bit extra because you guys want this thing the thing that you listen to and whatever but um we're gonna

have fun stand-up shows they're gonna be thanks to thanks to how it all works these days this year it's all gonna be a smaller run and they're gonna be slightly smaller thanks to how it all works these days this year, it's all going to be a smaller run and they're going to be slightly smaller rooms as well. But they will be fun shows. So get along and see them. Make a day of it. Especially on a weekend if you want to do that sort of thing, come and see all of them in the same day or something like that.

Make a big effort. They're all going to be in pretty good shape. So it'll be fun. Good guests lined up as well so far. Yes. We're talking about the live podcast now. But yeah, some very good ones locked in. And like I've said previously, I'd be there on the last one if I was you.

But I'm very much looking forward to that one. It's going to be a bit of a slightly special one, I've got a feeling. Tommy, what about, and look, at some stage we're going to have to talk about this off air, but people are asking about the drunk cast. Is it? Can you have a drunk cast in a pandemic, I wonder? Maybe yes, who knows? It's interesting when it's limited capacity and when we literally can't go and get fish and chips more than

five kilometers away at the time of recording this. Who's to say? But yeah, yeah. Maybe. Hey, again, watch the socials, guys. You'll be the first to find out. Yeah. I guess we'll just have to.

How about that? How about we just figure it out once we get within a couple of weeks of it? We'll announce something within a couple of weeks of it. And people that have bought tickets to the live podcast so far, we'll email you guys for starters. You'll get the preference and let you guys know about it. If you're a ticket holder, you'll hear about it first. If you're a Patreon subscriber, you'll hear about it first.

The rest of you fucking freeloading schlubs will hear about it last what about that exactly you'll hear about it after the fact you know that's what the government should do you should join the government's patreon and you get the vaccine last if you if you're not a patreon subscriber it's not a bad idea for like generating revenue don't you know get the get the parking inspectors off the streets free parking for everyone and instead there's patreon to get to get up to the minute updates from the government honestly i just finished paying yesterday my my tax bill but i've never felt so sick the amount of money i paid them if i'm not getting a vaccine in the next two weeks

this what what the fuck am i paying for what are your taxes paying for yeah yeah yeah the amount of money I paid them. If I'm not getting a vaccine in the next two weeks, what the fuck am I paying for? What are your taxes paying for? Yeah. Yeah. The amount of fucking taxes. I feel like, you know, I wouldn't have felt like this 10 years ago, but the amount of tax I paid this year, I'm like, no, no, no. I get it now.

Someone who earns this much money or pays this much tax should get first dibs. This should be a Patreon-esque scheme. I should get a couple of vaccines out of this so you're so that and like you're you're also now one of those people that's like furious about what's happening on triple j and the abc because you know because you've you've paid you've paid for a lot of it oh yeah yeah yes. Yeah. Yeah. I should be getting on going program. I should get to program rage on the IBC. Yes. Yes.

That's what should happen. That should be a tier in the tax. Yeah. That is good. You pay X amount of tax, you get tiers. You get tiers. Yeah, it is. I mean, it's Patreon.

It is Patreon. Sending your income. Yeah. Chipping in. Chipping in to help keep the lights on down at City Hall. What if it's like if that's, you know, look, realistically, I shouldn't want that because otherwise it would be just Gina Reinhart programming rage every week at the moment

and I wouldn't get a look in. Well, then again, she probably doesn't pay fuck all tax. Any of those billionaires don't pay anything, do they? It's like how bad do you want it? It's like when you get the email from the airline about bidding on an upgrade. Like do you want a virgin thing where you can – it's not even guaranteed that you're going to get it, but it's like if you have the highest bid,

you can have an upgrade to business for like $200. Just be like that. If you want it badly enough, if you want the rage programming spot badly enough, then put your money where your mouth is and then be on here. Have you ever done that? Have you ever bid on the upgrade and all got it? No, I've clicked it when it's come through.

I've only really ever looked at it for when I'm flying to Perth. And it's always like often by the time I've looked at it, like the minimum bid is already at like $600 or something like that and it's like, well, I mean, that's not really, that doesn't really feel like you're getting a good deal. That just feels like you're just paying for a business class flight. So, no, I've never been tempted. If it did start at like, you know,

if you were flying at a time that wasn't going to be super busy and it and you could start the bidding at like two dollars and potentially like yeah get it for an absolute fucking steal then yeah i'd do it but it's but the bidding is always like i think the minimum is like a few hundred dollars so it's it's yeah if it was a raffle if you chuck 50 bucks in i'd be doing that one but oh yeah you buy yeah you buy a ticket like a new car in a shopping center yeah yeah so if you want to stack the deck and buy up like a whole book of those tickets then yeah yeah go for your life yeah that would be great yeah really fucking good yeah yeah uh being on a plane hey imagine imagine you've done it you've done it a few times you've done you've done a bunch of little trips i've done fuck all i've done uh yeah i've done two i've done two in the last couple of months

done two trips um we are speaking of the patreon of course that is where you can sign up and get early access to uh tickets that we put on sale and also two bonus episodes a week if you're on the ten dollar tier with great special guests, lots of really funny episodes of that going out. And most importantly, you go into the raffle. Speaking of raffle, you essentially bid to have your name read out on this part of the show every week. Wow. And that shows us being back on Zoom and how much you're into it, Tommy,

being back on Zoom. Ten minutes into talking dum-dum and you intro the Patreon name read. Yep. Wow. Absolutely. That's going to be a record. We just did the ep before this. Not busting to fucking stare into the webcam for any longer

than is absolutely necessary. Sorry to the folks at home. But also I have to now spend the rest of my day editing that fucking thing. So let's yep let's get this fucking show on the road and yeah one that you've got to edit and one that's got badgering in it fucking hell yeah the perfect the perfect and and also like we have done it like the day before it's coming out so i don't even have the luxury of time of like look i can log a couple of hours on this and then just get frustrated at listening to my own fucking voice and go for a walk and come back.

Like, nah, it's all got to happen today in the one sitting. All right. All right. Let's be good boys and get this done and not make it a million hours. Sorry for you guys that really bank on two and a half hours of fucking absolute dog shit getting talked every week. We might have to do a couple names less than usual. that really bank on two and a half hours of fucking absolute dog shit getting talked every week, but you might be, we might have to do a couple names less than, uh,

than usual. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry guys. All right, let's crank up the, uh,

unplanned title alternator this week. Once again, thank you very much. Of course, to everyone who subscribes to patron.com slash little dumb. I really appreciate it. Appreciate when you hit that resubscribe or whatever the fuck you do. I don't know.

I don't subscribe to us, but appreciate your continued support. You think it makes you log in every month and re-up? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Are you sure? I don't know. Like Netflix, if you fall asleep. Are you still watching?

Are you sure you are? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, I mean, God, man, you've logged a lot of episodes of How I Met Your Mother in a row. Like, this is quartering on unhealthy at the moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, I mean, God, man, you've logged a lot of episodes of How I Met Your Mother in a row. Like, this is quartering on unhealthy at the moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one could want to watch this much. You must have fallen asleep. Same deal with this thing.

So, all right, let's crack into it. Patreon subscriber number one. One first cap off the rank this week. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Steve Rossetti. Steve Rossetti? Yeah, one of your mates tell me me i mean oh uh from the um from the mother country right right in my head no well when you said one of your mates in my head because there is a video game character called mr rosetti and i was like oh you're referencing that and then had a split second where i went why on earth would you fucking know who that is?

No, no, no. I know Ms. Pac-Man and that's it. I don't even know Mr. Pac-Man. Right, right, right. Wow, you're so progressive, dude. You're such an ally. I only ever play Mrs. Pac-Man. I simply refuse to put money into yet another male-dominated video game.

Yeah, and you know what? When I'm playing Ms. Pac-Man, I'm not even trying to eat the pellets. I'm trying to bash through the glass ceiling there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Instead of going sideways, just trying to go up. Yeah, I'm trying to – yeah, I'm chasing the ghosts and trying to rise to the top of this company. I'm trying to become a CEO. I'm trying to argue that the pellets should be just as big

as the pellets that the male Pac-Man eats. I think that's unfair. Imagine if that came out. Imagine if someone found it buried deep within the Pac-Man code. There's a line that makes the pellets 75% smaller in this Pac-Man. Well, 75% of them, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But no, Mr. Rossetti, he% of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

But no, Mr Rossetti, he's a king. Is this R-E-S-E-T-T-I? No, no, no, no. Okay. Then he's not the same as the video game character, unfortunately. R-O-S-S-E-T-T-I. Rossetti. Yeah, that's it. That's it.

You might have gone to school with him. You might have gone to school with him. You might have gone to school with him back at Italian High, where you went. I went to Italian school with him, yeah. Meatball U. Italian High. Yep. Let's see. What kind of things are we... What kind of classes

are we doing at the Meatball Academy? Advanced Linguini. Yep. But look, having said that, this guy might be like you. He might be like, I'm such a dum-dum pan. I don't want to subscribe with my own name. I'm going to change my last name like the great man has done.

Oh, yes, yes. Let's get that going. Everyone, if you're signing up to the Patreon, you have to use a fake Italian surname. Yep. Yep. And then it starts every week going, thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Johnny Fazool.

And then going, yeah, great. Oh, I finally got not my name read out. Oh, well, that doesn't feel that good at all. Yeah, great. What a great system. Rossetti, Italian. Now, is that in your top five cuisines, Italian, would you say? Very easily?

Top three? Easier question, top three? Yeah, that is a good question probably top three yeah i mean it's pretty good i feel like it's i feel like it's everyone's like it's everyone probably in australia is easy to say everyone's like first favorite cuisine international cuisine from when you're a child i think it's fair to say that it's the first international thing that a kid gets introduced to. Bit of spag bol.

It's a mainstay on kids' menus at restaurants. Even if they don't have spaghetti on the main adult menu, they're chucking a spag bol in the kids' section for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Unless you're a kid going, I don't know, what country is nuggets? Is that a country? I'll have that one.

Yeah, exactly. But have you ever met someone who goes, I don't like pizza? It doesn't happen, does it? That would be amazing to meet someone that goes, yeah, bread, cheese, bit of meat. I don't really get it. No. Yeah, yeah.

It's always gone over my head. It doesn't happen, does it? Yeah, I don't think I've ever met someone – and yeah, definitely you can get people who just prefer other stuff instead. But yeah, if you were suggesting cooking up like a spag bol or something or a vegetarian alternative to have someone who's just like, yuck, nope, hate it. Hate spaghetti. I would love.

Hating spaghetti, like the most just basically flavourless food that is just a vessel for a good sauce. I mean, that person must be out there, but yeah, that's insane. I would love to see someone go, pizza? Yuck. Yeah. Couldn't think of anything worse. That'd be amazing. I can understand not liking it for health reasons. Maybe if you're someone who is really into eating healthy and fitness and everything. I can understand that as a position. Like, I won't ever allow myself to put that garbage into my body.

But actively saying I find it to be yucky, let us know. If there's anyone out there that finds pasta and pizza detestable, let us know. And full disclosure, we are going to have to absolutely ridicule you because that is insane. I would love to know that. If you've got an embarrassing least favourite food even. Yes.

But pizza is insane. To go, I don't like bread and cheese for starters is like, what the fuck are you talking about? Right, right. I mean, you can be allergic to it or you can be gluten intolerant. That's one thing. But to go, to think of a kid, like it's a good point what you say. It's your first favourite international food.

To think of like a six-year-old going, oh, mummy, not pizza. I want Malaysian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would love to see that. It's like going – it's like basically in the same camp as saying, I hate sandwiches. Like it's just basically basically it's cartoon food. It's building block essential.

Like this is the first rung of food and then everything else kind of spirals off that. So, yeah, let us know if you've got an embarrassing favourite food. And like I bet we're going to get people be like, oh, I don't really like curry. That doesn't count. Like that's already – that's way more excusable for whatever reason than a pizza or a pasta. That's higher on the pyramid of like, you know, things that some people can find, you know, not as attractive.

Like there's, my wife doesn't particularly like curry. I think that's a higher part of the population. We're talking about your base average things that, you know, the people that go, I don't like chocolate, you know, stuff like that. Like, what the fuck? How does, you know, there must be foods that at 90, if they did a survey, 99% of the population love. We want to find out those people that are in the 1%, in the weird 1%.

Yeah, well, it's like I think think trying to describe taste is so weird. What's that thing where some people, when they taste coriander, they taste soap? Have you ever heard that? It's like some people, just genetically, their taste buds register it as differently. And I remember being told when I – I'm sure I've said this on the show before. Colourblind taste buds.

Yeah, yeah, totally. And, like, we could each have that. We could each be tasting something completely different. And, yeah, how would you ever know how to describe it? Like, I remember getting told when I had chemotherapy that it changes your taste buds and that stuff tastes different to you afterwards. But because I was so young, I don't really have a deep memory of what things tasted like beforehand.

You'd only eaten chicken nuggets before that. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I thought one day I might have chemotherapy and I don't want to have a bed of tastes that I like that are going to change. So I'm just going to keep it completely vanilla until that day comes so that then there's not like a reset where I'm all of a sudden like,

oh, I hate carrots now. Yeah, and then after that you stuck to chicken nuggets because you were like, well, what if I get COVID one day and get rid of my taste buds there? So I don't want to, you know, miss out on all these cool things. I might as well just not know. Yeah, yeah. I've only ever eaten chicken nuggets. I have scurvy.

I'm gravely ill. I'm really fat. Anyway, thanks, Steve. That's what caused the cancer to start with. Yeah. Excess nuggets. Thanks, Rosetti. Thanks, Rosetti.

Thank you. When the sky hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's a scurvy. That's Rosetti. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Tom Pentecost. Pentecost. Yeah, P-E-N-T-E-C-O-S-T, Pentecost. That is an unusual one. It is.

That does not sound like a subscriber to our show. No. Sounds like a, what is the Pentecostal church? Yeah, yeah, look, exactly what I was going to ask. It's clearly a word that we both know, but we don't really know what it means. It's a form of Christianity that emphasizes the work of the Holy Spirit and the direct experience of the presence of God by the believer. Pentecostals believe that faith must be powerfully experiential

and not something found merely through ritual or thinking. Okay. What does that mean? Ritual or thinking. Okay. What does that mean? So it's basically saying that if you're Pentecostal, you have to have had some kind of experience that leads you to believe that God exists.

Something has to have happened to you where you think that that must be the divine creator. It can't just be like, I reckon God's out there. I've never really seen anything in my life to make me explicitly think that. Pentecostal is like, I won 10 bucks on a scratchy. Now, who else could be responsible for that other than the great man upstairs? I guess that seals it. I'm Pentecostal.

Right. Okay. So I've just looked this character up. He's in our groups. Yep. Spreading the word of the Lord. Wow. Very interesting.

He studied at the Canterbury Christ Church University. Very interesting. Very, very interesting. He's really taken this a bit too seriously, the old passport, the old information on the passport. He's taken that as a fact, as an instruction rather than just a serving suggestion of a surname. Right, right.

Yeah, your name being a religion, that's really – Just so you know, Tom, out there, I mean, my last name's Chandler, but that didn't force me to become a candlestick maker or whatever the fuck it means, okay? You're your own man. You can go and do whatever you want, okay? You don't have to fucking just, you know, turn into whatever your great-great-great-grandfather was at some point.

Well, but maybe, you know, this is what it is. It's like having a direct experience that convinces you of the presence of a higher power so it's not really up to him like if he's seen a burning bush or like whatever it is that makes him go wow god's real i've got to get out there and spread the word he's kind of you know he's he's kind of bound by the contract of that he doesn't really have a choice, you know. He saw God, he saw two higher beings in this podcast, which has made him subscribe to the show. Exactly. That's what he's done.

That's what he's done right there. Exactly. And he's doing his bit instead of going to church and, you know, praying or whatever. He's heard us say, we want your money. Yeah. And, you know, what more what more of a of a higher being could there be than than two little grubs that are saying can we have some of your

cash yes yes passing this that's a that's a sign of a true god yeah yeah passing the collection plate around every month and then saying come on up here and have your communion. They were out of crackers, so just close your eyes. Eat this. It's a sausage chisel this month. Eat this wafer, covered in cum. Soggy communion. Eat this wafer. Eat this wafer.

It's the body of Christ. One particular part of the body as well. But, yep, okay. There you go. Have I ever talked about a friend of mine from school, not long after school finished, that group of friends all had each other on the, like, the find my friend thing on your phone that, like, you know, you open it and it's geopoints like everyone and you have, like,

a little group. So there's, like, five of them and they could always see where the other one was and they there was a period where they pretty regularly like sunday morning he would be registered you know as like this place in richmond or something and so they all assumed that he was seeing someone on because it's like early sunday morning and they're like okay he's back in this person's house having sex. So they all think like, oh yeah, we've got the scoop here. And he after a little while, he's like, guys, I've got to tell you something.

And they're like, here we go. We're about to find out that he's got a girlfriend. He's like, I've been going to church every Sunday morning. I've found Christ and I'm now deeply, deeply religious. And he's still at it to this day. He posted on Facebook something about him doing a fucking sermon about how to deal with COVID and it's like, fuck off, cunt.

Like. From the book of Rude, fuck off, cunt. Fuck off, cunt. Yep. All right. Well, thanks, Tom. Thanks, Tommy. Thanks, Tommy, all the way from – he's one of our English subscribers.

Yeah. So we were just talking to Ray Badger off air about it, him going, when do you think you'll come over? I was like, I don't know if he's seen the news lately, but not super soon. But one day, one day, who knows? Like we were saying to him Can't You know

I can't go to fucking Elstonwick at the moment So Let's think about London A little bit further down the track If that's okay Yeah But we'd love to Having

Was having fond memories Of spending time with Ray Badren in London Nearly Nearly two years ago Yeah So Yep Maybe Maybe good timing That we can't go there this year,

given that Liverpool have all of a sudden shit their pants in the Premier League. But anyway, trying to keep my mind on non-depressing things. Thanks, Tom. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Meg Lawrence. Meg Lawrence. Mm. Yeah. Meg. Any thoughts?

Any initial thoughts? Oh, yes, right. Meg, I've always – yeah, look, I'm into it. I think I'm officially into it. It's a good name. Would you go with Meg? Meg, if you had the name. I know, I know.

I got to straight. You moved your Zoom camera. Like you were basically forcing me to upskirt you in the Zoom window. You put me right down on a thing and then you had your knee kind of crooked up. So I was just trying to get a little peek. It is getting near lunchtime and daddy hungry. Yeah, yeah. No, I was trying to get into one of the groups to see if I could find some of these subscribers.

So I've got a bit of something to talk about. Have a look at Meg Larry. I'll do a bit of a search as well. Let's see what we can bring up. Yeah. I'm looking at Meg Larry right as of now. Oh, yeah? Where did you find her?

In the Millionaires? She's in the Patreon group, yeah. Okay. She's in there. Trying to find some, I mean, I know it's weird to be doing this, but I'm doing it. She has got some sort of teacher's hat on, like she's from Newcastle. A teacher. Oh, okay.

Yep. She's going to – she's graduated from maybe Newcastle University or something like that. There you go. There's something. Yep. So from Newy, much like our guest on this show, Cameron Bone. Cameron Bone.

She's done that Harbour Bridge walk I can see here. She's got a beautiful photo of her in the goofy jumpsuit that they make you wear. It's funny, people get those photos taken on the Harbour Bridge walk with the opera house behind them and they're trying

to look all casual like, oh look what we just stumbled across. A beautiful view of the opera house and they're just rigged up with this jumpsuit and just like cables all over them. With a Ghostbusters suit on. Yeah, yeah, just trying to look casual like, yeah, no big deal, here we are. Yeah, yeah.

Why do you have to wear that suit up there? I mean, what does that do? What's the suit do when you get off the top of the harbour bridge? So that if they find a body in the harbour, they can be like, yeah, that's how they died. They fell off the bridge. That wasn't a suicide.

That was an accident. That's the accident suit. That's an accident suit. That's good. Yeah, maybe that's it. Actually, if they see that suit, they're like, we better actually try and save this one because they didn't want to do this. If they're in Sibius, it's like, let them go.

This is what they want. If they're in the Ghostbuster suit, it's an oopsie. They find it and they go straight to the bridge climb tour and they're like, you can fish this one out. This is one of yours. We're not spending resources on getting the big net out for one of your fuck-ups. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they should put a rail on this thing.

We've got to bring that up, by the way. Next time, I should have a note of that. But Cameron James, the amount of times he's been on the podcast, and we need to be drilling him more for his real name, Cameron Bone. It's underplayed. We've brought it up once, and I don't think he enjoyed it too much. I know, which is exactly why it needs to be brought up more. Come on.

I think we brought it up like on a Talking Dumb Dumb, not even on the real episode. It needs to be real episode fodder. Yeah, we had him on with Doug Stanhope, and he didn't really get a word in, and I think we felt bad. So we had him come and do Talking Dumb Dumb with us just so we got a bit more of a spotlight. And, yeah, we sandbagged him with it on that.

Did a bit of gotcha journalism on old Cannon Bone. He did look very surprised when we pulled that one out. Yeah, I think he thinks no one knows, but yeah, it's out there. It's out there, baby. We know. We know, Cam. Yep. And Talking Dumb Dumb listeners know.

The people that are too good to listen to this part of the program, they don't know. But now we all know. Well, thanks, Meg. Meg, let us know if you know any of the Bones in Newcastle, if you went to school with any of the Bones. Yep. We'd love to know more about the Bone family, I'll be completely honest.

And if they feel absolutely betrayed by their, you know, the leading light in their family, ditching the name. Sorry to change subject. I just got an email from the comedy festival about public liability insurance. How much do you reckon that's going to cost this year? Just most of the budget going on the public liability insurance for the 2021 festival. Yeah.

Also, yeah. Does your show feature any open mouth coughing? Yes. Yeah. Also, yeah. Does your show feature any open mouth coughing? Yes. Yeah. Well, that's the thing. Like pandemic insurance was very rare a year ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was talking to someone who worked for a very big company who actually bought another property

and just as the pandemic hit and then they went whoa and then they went thank you lawyers because there was a pandemic clause put into the sale and so they just walked away from the sale and it was like and i was like are you fucking kidding did you give a bonus to the lawyers after that one they're like absolutely yes wow yeah, they had a pandemic clause put in there. I was like, are you guys then going to go back in a year's time when everything is decimated and buy that same thing for half the price? And they're like, yes. Right, right.

Yeah, because I was going to say, why did they want to walk away? Like they bought a residential property or like for a business? Well, they bought something that was going to be immediately devalued after not being used in a pandemic for quite a while. So I'll put it that way. So something that would, you know, a lot of businesses are not going as well. It was one of those. Okay.

Right, right, right. Interesting. Interesting. It wasn't a podcast. Oh, no. I mean, that's the only thing that has done well exactly us and us and amazon that's it yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah we've got we're the same we're the same as uh jeff bezos we've got we've got people working in fucking coal mines to uh to get content for us

and we're paying them two dollars an hour and they're shitting their pants because they're not allowed to take a break and that's actually the content that they're building. Exactly. It is, I mean, yeah, it is interesting saying like, you know, so many things kind of got fucked over when everything first went into lockdown initially because there was just no, none of that sort of language or infrastructure existed. You and I got asked to do something at the end of last year in melbourne which obviously did not go ahead but i found it fascinating being sent the contract for that and it's like just the covid section of the contract just being like four pages long about like

contingencies and how it all how it all works financially if it doesn't happen at the last minute and all this kind of stuff which yeah some very busy lawyers in the last eight months earning their keep, amending contracts to put all that shit in. A fascinating world now. Yeah. Well, thanks, Meg. Thanks, Meggy. Congratulations on your doctorate of dumb cuntness.

Let us know about the bones though Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Heather McNab McNab McNab M-C-N-A-B Right So this is the

So the whole thing of Something I've learnt in lockdown Because I've had more time to like read and study and what not Is that people's surnames are often based on what their families did generations ago. So this lady, so her family, her ancestors ran a combination bank and fast food restaurant. Right.

Yeah, that's it. That's it. Did you ever do this when you were in primary school? Did you ever do – I remember there was some sort of – not a big brother program but some sort of like – I think I was in grade five or grade six and you got paired with someone in grade one or something and I'm not sure what the whole point of it was

but it was some sort of helping the little kids but you you show them around and yeah i remember that yeah i don't think they were even like it wasn't like their first day at school or anything like that i think they were in like you know like i said grade one like after prep so there was it was just some sort of men weird little junior mentorship thing which i find funny because like if i was in grade 5 or grade 6, that means I was like 11 or 12. So it's like let me let you in on what I've learnt, you know, at age fucking 11. Not much.

But it did feel like that. When you were the little kid, if you were like the prep kid looking at the grade 6 kid, you were like, wow, this person is one million years old. Like this guy's got it all figured out. It ends at grade six. That's where you've learned everything you need to learn. Yeah, that guy's allowed to play in the big kid area. Must be nice. I remember this kid and his last name was McNabb and he was my kid.

And he was just like, I was like, oh, what do you want to do? Do you want to do this or that or whatever? It's like I'm trying to think of what the teachers wanted you to do with these kids and take them out and teach them this or that or whatever. And this kid was just like, nah. All he wanted to do was like do stuff to do with the cartoon character Goofy. Everything was just all about Goofy. Wait, hang on.

This is an older kid than you or this is your younger? No, younger. Right, right, right. That's so much funnier, like a prep kid having some 12-year-old, having to learn the ropes from someone who's obsessed with Pluto. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is what happens when you get older. You get obsessed with some of the secondary characters

in the Mickey Mouse universe. The sooner you learn about this, the better. Goofy rocks. Shouts out to Goofy. Goofy's a fucking, just a great cartoon character. Right. Well, this guy got it very early on in terms of your specific taste. He was fucking obsessed.

I wonder if he's carried that on through adulthood. Well, this is why i bring it up because i because i was like okay anyway all right you know got to the end of the program or whatever it was i was like all right all right you fucking goofy little cunt all right that's the end of that one and then the next time i saw him like you know five years later i was like oh this guy that this this sort of cute little guy that didn't want to go outside or whatever he's just like oh goofy goofy anyway he was like, oh, this sort of cute little guy that didn't want to go outside or whatever, he was just like, oh, goofy, goofy, goofy. Anyway, he was like punching some other kid. Like, okay, nice one. He was just this dirty little fucking bogan.

Just this dirty bogan absolutely clocking some younger kid. Like, all right, well, yeah, I sort of prefer you were that weird fucking, you know, little kid that wanted to suck off goofy when you were in grade one now. But anyway, now you're only a couple of years off fucking stabbing one of your uncles, I reckon. I used to have, when I was a little kid, I used to have a hat that was like a Goofy hat that I would wear everywhere. And it was like, it basically was done up to look as if you'd like scalped Goofy and were wearing his skull around it.

That's what I imagined. The brim, yeah, his little nose and then it had ears hanging down and his eyes were on the front of the hat. Yeah, really, really disturbing stuff when you really break down what it's meant to look like here. You didn't wear that to Meredith any year? It sounds like something you would have worn to a music festival afterwards. No, no, no.

This is when I was like seven or something like that. This is when I was like a little kid. No, no, no. Music Festival afterwards. No, no, no. This is when I was like, yeah, seven or something like that. This is when I was like a little kid. No, no. Hey, look, if I can find one out there, I'm happy to wear it at a live podcast. If someone can find one for me and send it to our PO box, I'm happy to whip it out. That's what I should ask you. Now, I just got an email. It says from Australia Post,

payment for your PO box is due soon. Do we keep it up? Do we keep up the PO box? PO box 6063 Hawthorne West 3122. Has the shine gone off? Do we need an official PO box for the podcast anymore? Did we? Oh, did we pay for it?

Have we had that for nearly? Yeah, what did we pay for? I think it was one of those things where, it was one of those scams where you go, where they go, you don't get it for the full year. They go, right, well, you're in now, but you have to, it always ends at a certain date. So sure, you're paying for it in July,

but it always ends in March or whatever it is. It's like horses all having their birthday on the same day. All the re-up, all the PO boxes have their re-up on the same day. We don't want to have to fucking do, we don't want to have to send out hundreds of these. Yeah, and saying that, also public liability very often is the same deal. Yes, yes.

You've just brought that up. It's always a fucking scam but anyway. Yeah, look, i don't know i i yeah i mean it's basically we've gotten some all right stuff out of it but it's mostly just been used as a bin i kind of feel like we've gotten as much out of this experiment as we're gonna get uh the only other was, I guess initially the idea came out because I didn't want to write my own fucking address on the sender details on the back of merch. So that's part of it, I guess, as well.

Right. Yeah, all right. I mean, I don't know. We can just maybe keep it there, I guess. Like if people want to send stuff through, then. Let's take it to the AGM. Let's see what we get maybe in the next couple of weeks. Yes, okay.

It's on probation. It's on probation. Yeah. Yeah. See what you guys want to send us a little dumb, dumb club, a mailbag P.O. box six Oh six three. Of course that's 60 plus six plus three equals, you know, what Hawthorne West Victoria three, one, two, two, send us some stuff. Let us know whether we should re-up this subscription or not yep make it worth our while yep

thanks thanks Heather thanks Heather thanks Heather McNabb and if if you are any relation to Goofy McNabb

let us know if you had some sort of relation that was a bit unnecessarily fucking into Disney characters, that could

be you. All right. Let's finish up pretty soon. I think that's enough. You need to get on and edit this episode. You know what you need to do with this episode? You need to do like a dentist does, you know, when the dentist puts the suction machine into the mouth as they're doing a bit of work.

Yeah. You need to do that with just all the sloping from Ray Badger on this episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I hate that fucking vacuum. Ugh. Yeah.

Yeah, I did two dentist days in three days the other day. Yuck. Two in three. Fuck. Big, big effort. All right. One more. All right.

Let's hit the big red button one more time and let's see what that last final one for this week is. Like you said, I'm really busting to get out of here, get some lunch and get editing, brandishing the scissors. I really need to piss as well. Yeah, let's have that final name. Let's not delay any further. Let's just get that final name out. I mean, we could delay a little bit.

No, I just said I don't want to. There's no need to. Okay, I guess we do it right now. I can see you staring at the screen. What is it, hard to read or something? Turn the font up or zoom in on your screen? Yeah, it must be a Zoom thing. It's taking a while to load.

Maybe I've got too many things running at once. Maybe that's it. Maybe I don't have enough things running at once. Maybe that's it. Maybe I don't have enough things running at once. I don't know. It's one of those issues. Okay. Your eyes sort of look like the spinning rainbow wheel at the moment. I think I might need to do a force quit.

Okay. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Goofy Comedy. There we go Oh yeah okay Worth the wait I can see why it took so long I can see why it took so long Something that we were talking about Mere seconds ago

You really had to reach Into the memory bank For that one Yeah Yeah Yeah Well not memory bank I had to reach into

The UTA Yeah yeah yeah In the UTA's memory bank Yeah yeah Don't blame me Don't blame me The memory bank No the memory bank yeah, in the UTA's memory bank. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't blame me. Don't blame me. The memory bank.

No, the memory bank that's in the internal memory of the plant title alternator. Well, that's it. I mean, I couldn't read it out before it loaded it, and it took quite a long time to load. So don't blame me. Blame the machine. Right, right, right. Hey, there's no blame.

I was just merely repeating what had gone on. Yeah, and in my opinion opinion no need for an upgrade with this machine because it is firing on all cylinders by those results absolutely yeah

some very good stuff in fact give the UTA a raise I reckon some great work some really good work guys thanks very much for supporting the show

on Patreon patreon.com slash little dumdum club if you want to do the same get yourself two bonus mini episodes every week. Heaps of an archive on there at the moment. Check all that out. LittleDumbDumbClub.com.

Tickets to the Melbourne shows. Live shows. Yes, please, get in there. All that kind of stuff. Get in there, guys. We'll see you out there somewhere in the world real soon. Take care, and we'll see you next time. See you, mate.