The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 543 - Nick Cody & Luke Heggie

Episode Date: February 24, 2021

The early bird gets the content as we leap out of bed to catch up with NICK CODY and LUKE HEGGIE! Karl's been getting suspicious texts messages yet again, Tommy's tried to stop drinking and been thwarted by lockdown, and Heggie tells us about his time working for Ten Years Younger In Ten Days. PLUS we have some alternative ideas for alarm clocks and we come up with the best name for a house. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Nick, Cody and Luke Heggie. We are going to be in Adelaide very shortly, Saturday, March the 6th. Our first show sold out, we have added another one, 3pm, in the same venue. Tickets will go very quickly for that, they went very quickly for the last one, which is why we're in this position. As we always say, Adelaide buys tickets quickly, Tommy. Yep, so get on to that that we've also got our live shows in Melbourne at the European Beer Cafe, Saturday March the 27th

is sold out but there are still a few tickets left for Saturday April the 3rd, April the 10th and April the 17th, 3.30pm European Beer Cafe we've also got our solo shows happening, mine is called Meatball it opens on March the 30th.

And... Oh, my show's called Please Call Me Carl. Mr. Comedy was my father. And I believe that opens something like the April 5th or something like that. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for all these tickets, information, all that kind of stuff. Enjoy this new episode. We will talk to you at the end of it in Talking Dumb Dumb,

but enjoy this one with Nick Cody and Luke Heggie. Hey, mates. Welcome once again to the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. With me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Tommy Dasolo Sunday morning. Swinging his dick around. It's a Sunday morning. You know what he's doing? He's trying to drag us down to his little fucking level. Because we're late night swingers. Exactly. We're hitting hard at night. Whereas this guy. Drag you down to breakfast radio level.

Come on down here, podcast. Into the slums. He's trying to drag us down so all of a sudden we're not awake yet. Exactly. We're blurring, whatever, and all of a sudden he hits us with, where do you keep your tomato sauce? the fridge or in the cupboard yeah this is sick because this is 8 30 in the morning yeah this is like because cody's used to getting up at 4 30 a.m yeah yeah so this is like his two in the afternoon this is a sleeping i'm actually pretty knackered i had a nap when i got here i was ready for lunch. So we've got Cody there.

Where it's opposite here is Luke Heggy, who's the Tim Minchin of comedy with his fucking no shoes on, no socks. I'm wearing shoes in my own fucking hotel room now, Dad. So I don't get called Tim Minchin. Grow up. No more plastic bags. He did play a beautiful little song for us when we got here. He brought out the mandolin.

It really made me think about society and politics and our place in the world. Very sad song about the Rhonevirus. Beautiful. That's the best part about comedy is to get your message out. Yeah, yeah. The laugh's the secondary. Just take what I can.

My wife's favourite song is Tim Minchin's White Wine in the Sun. I've never heard it. They love it at summertime. And it actually ruins Christmas for me. White wine in the sun. What do you find more annoying, that or when people fucking go on about Gravy Day, the Paul Kelly song? That annoys the fuck out of me.

That annoys the fuck out of me because it's my birthday. Oh, right. And every time, Gravy Day. I just want to punch. Because at that certain age, that really punchable. December 12? 21. Oh, 21.

I don't reckon I know either song. I've never heard either song. I thought I didn't know how to make gravy for a long time, and then I heard it, and I was like, oh, yeah. Oh, that's that one. Yeah, I know this. It's a fine song, but it's the fact that people fucking go on about that date every year.

It's like, first of all, it's fictional. Second of all, the song's already happened, so it's not this day. What's the fact that people fucking go on about that date every year yeah it's like first of all it's fictional second of all the song's already happened so it's not this day what's the theory past so what it's a day what you have to make gravy before christmas he mentions he mentions the date in the song that's it i hated as as a kid because i only have that grave ox so i don't even know you spelt it wrong fucking... It's a gravy thing. You spelt it wrong, you fuckwits. It's a very classist song, isn't it? It is. Just get the powder out of the cupboard and put some kettle water in it. Yeah, yeah.

Done. You thought that was a bit like the Aeroplane Jelly song. It was just a jingle made by Grey Vox. See, I grew up in a more affluent area. We used to listen to How to Make Caviar. I used to fire that up on the old record player every December. Who made the lobster morning? I got an Uber.

I got a very early Uber this morning. It's not early. It's just you guys are on the piss last night. You're both dads. I thought Dassler would be the one in trouble, and he's coming fired up. Well, he did set four alarms to get up this early. He set four alarms, mocked by my girlfriend,

slept through one of them. So who's the fuckhead now? Yeah, good point. Your girlfriend's a fuckhead. Well made. What are your four alarms on? Like the oven? No, on the phone.

You can do more than one alarm on a phone. You set an alarm on the oven to wake up. That's great. I might start to. Well, the phone. I couldn't hear the phone over the sound of my air conditioner, so the oven probably wake up. That's great. I might start to. Well, the phone, I couldn't hear the phone over the sound of my air conditioner. So the oven probably would be better.

I just need to put something in the oven, slow cook, but like high enough that it will burn and set off the smoke alarm and then that'll wake me up. That'll do it. Or just set it to eight hours

before you go to bed. Set the alarm on the oven to wake up in time. That's fucking... It is so much better. That's a great idea. Because you can't snooze it. You're going to get out of bed

because you've got to go into another room absolutely in a panic nothing better than waking up with a max heart rate fuck I'm late for work

and the chips are burnt I keep I might have said this on the show already but I keep getting messages from like the people that are meant to come and check

your smoke alarms and I just can't like I cannot be fucked saying to them they're fine I'm setting them off every couple of days with my cooking like I know to come and check your smoke alarms. And I just can't, like, I cannot be fucked saying to them, they're fine. I'm setting them off every couple of days with my cooking.

Like, I know for a fact that they're fine in here. I cleared a building with that once. Like, fucking, like a hardwired one. You know those ones that are irritating. You don't just pull the square battery out and fucking leave it till you're moving out. There's, like, hardwired in the building. Oh, man, when we got NBN, they asked, do you have hardwired alarms

and I just said nah just give me NBN because apparently it fucks your alarm won't work

it's on the same cable but I just want a fast internet so we might I need a game in here

yeah just be a black skeleton at your computer but the cops can upload the photos fucking quick yeah yeah

just a charred skeleton with a headset on and call of duty on the TV can upload the photos fucking quick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just a charred skeleton with a headset on and Call of Duty on the TV. You cleared the whole building, though. Yeah, man. Burnt the veggies and fucking... I think that's all. And just, fuck, whole building out.

Fire engine. Everyone out in dressing gowns? Guys running around with axes. Yeah. Oh, fuck yeah. With axes. Like, the firemen came. I rang them and said,

Hey, guys, it's just me. Burnt the verge. Don't worry about it. Send a car if you want, but not that's fucking the whole brigade. Send a car. And they fucking came down the blaring, like flying down Coogee Bay Road, fucking guys hanging off, like the cartoons were, and then fucking 12 of the car.

Delmation. Like full seats. Slipped down the pole, all that. And then running out, you know, one's got an axe and stuff. Oh, great. Take it easy, guys. Wait, I missed the start of the story. Was this your hen's night? That's funny, like a burning

building and you just leaning out the window like, looking at the fireys like, va-va-voom! Also, send the car like the fireys have a fucking Hyundai Getz, like it's Domino's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Send the Swift down, boys. Yeah, the firey tracker, you're on the app.

Like, if they're not here in four minutes, it's free. I got an Uber this morning and got in, and as I get in, the driver goes, aha, so you must be Carly. And I get in and it's like on the screen. It's very clearly Carl. And I go, no, it's Carl. He goes, oh, I get it.

Curly. Sure. Okay, I'm Curly now. Yep. Curly. It's right in front of you. Was he just having a joke? No, no, no.

Just didn't get it? That's what he thought it was. Can you get anywhere without not being abused? Like if you walk or tram or train or Uber. Yeah, because you got an Uber to my house and then I drove us the rest of the way. I went soft on you. I wish I'd known that there was a precedent

from earlier in the morning. Yeah, once I'm inside your car, you can call me whatever the fuck you want. Next time you fly, and a special welcome to the man in 13J. What a dumb cunt. Cunt-ox. Welcome, cunt-ox.

Well, yeah, Cody, we were saying before, you're hosting Breakfast Radio, and I remember, I was thinking about this yesterday. It took me back to several, several years ago. I reckon eight years ago. Probably ten years ago, yeah.

There was a night where I was having a beer with Tommy Little and you came over. No, the Imperial. Yeah. And you came over and you were quite drunk. And your point, which I still don't know to this day what it was, you were looking at me and Little and you were like slurring going, see you, Little, you represent like Nova commercial radio.

And you, Dasolo, you're like a triple J kind of guy. You're alternative. Whereas me, I'm in the middle. I'm the everyman. I'm in the middle of you guys. I'm the everyman. And now eight years later, here you are hosting radio on Fox FM, a commercial station.

Everyman. Well, well, well. The everyman. Yeah. Did I say everyman? I think I just said in the middle. You were saying you were in the middle. I just kept going, I'm in the middle.

And he's going, what does that mean? Yeah. And I go, neither one of you cunts. And now you're in the Black Thunders driving around Cokes. Actually, yeah, brought Heggie a can of Coke today. You know they can't do it anymore? Black Thunders, they're done. Black Thunders are like the big vans that would give out free shit. Ice creams and shit.

They can't do it because of COVID. Yeah, right. It's wrecked it. I don't even know they still did it, to be honest. I've never seen one. I think they pop up around the place and have free shit out. Once they get in one, my mate had a job at B105 in Brisbane. He used to fucking flog the car.

Your mate was, and still is. Yeah. Oh, Ginsberg, yeah. Oh, so Ginsberg. And he. Your mate was, and still is. Yeah. Oh, Ginsberg, yeah. Osher Gunsberg. And he was driving. Sorry, but I don't, I'm not copying that name. What's his real name?

Andrew G. That's it, Andrew G. Australian idols, Andrew G. When you say was and still is. What was Osher's name when he was in the car?

Spidey. Spidey. Wow. Wasn't Cassius or anything? No, it was Spidey. He had really long hair and he had like a plastic or some sort of spider in one of the bits and so they called him Spidey. Wow. Wasn't Cassius or anything? No, it was Spidey. He had really long hair and he had like a plastic or some sort of spider in one of the bits and so they called him Spidey because they had to have a fucking name for him. And Spidey lasted forever.

And like, you know, he had to drive Wendell Saylor around in a Black Thunder and give out cokes somewhere at service stations and shit. Saylor would get in the car and go, Hey, Spidey, you fat cunt. What are you taking me to today, you fucking fat cunt? Just bully an 18-year-old. So wait, Osher had a bit where he's

he had like a little fake spider in his hair yeah that came before like 18 right yeah he's driving

Black Thunder before he got on the radio but he put a fake spider in his hair like a tiny little like a fucking decoration thing it wasn't

it wasn't as a joke to get people going it was I don't know it wasn't as a joke to get people going, like it was, I don't know. It wasn't as a joke to wear it. It was probably. Yeah, like people would have different fucking ship bracelets. He said to put one in the fucking eight ball on his gist in his car. He was stuck in his hair.

No, it was probably for like two days or something. You're too close to the story. You can't see it for what it is. If this was any other random person that you heard about, you'd be right on it. Exactly. I'm not going to be friends

with him anymore. This is like you closing your festival shows with a mandolin at the end. It's like, if you weren't you, he would kill you. He said there's no more mandolin.

Oh, really? Going straight to the banjo? No, no, no. I've got throat. I can't sing throat issues. Oh, you've got nodules. Oh, really? Going straight to the banjo? No, no, no. I've got throat. I can't sing throat issues. Oh, you've got nodules? Oh, really? I was Pauline.

He got nodules. Now, wasn't that her that had to pull out of Australian Idol because she had nodules? Yeah, something like that. Have you got nodules? No, I've got tonsillitis. Oh. Which is, I don't know.

I can't yell. Parenting's out the fucking window. How long have you got tonsillitis for? I don't know. A couple of months. Oh, right. Don't you get it, Michael Douglas style? This cunt tonsillitis for? I don't know, a couple of months. Oh, right. Did you get it Michael Douglas style?

This cunt's got COVID for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't taste food. We just didn't know. Everybody else is fine. Everybody else is to get swabbed. Ever since I did that Chinese RSL. Yeah, did you get it

like Michael Douglas style? How did Michael Douglas get tonsillitis? Go on the ground. Yeah, when you get it like Michael Douglas style? How did Michael Douglas get tonsillitis? Go on the ground. Yeah, when he was like, he had like a throat cancer or something, and he was like, how'd I get it? Fantastic question. Eating too much pussy. Did he say that?

Yeah. He's like, been going down on old CZJ too much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Apparently she's on the menthols down there, apparently. So, I don't know. Imagine saying that. Just getting home after that. Fucking hell.

What did you say? Yeah, it's pretty good. I'm obsessed. Still to this day, completely obsessed. What about this? You might not know this, Hickey. You wouldn't respect this, but my phone number has been out here on the podcast

thanks to my partner in crime over here for about eight years or so. A lot of people got my phone number that listen to the show. And so that's... Man, I still cop stuff off it all the time. What, text? Late night text? Text, phone calls.

Great episode, mate. Yeah, yeah, that's it. Yeah, exactly. Tongue under the bottom lip definitely every single fan you've learnt how

they talk now that you have a podcast oh yeah I fucking know man they're all yeah

first glimpse yesterday yeah you guys did your first live ever episode of your show yes

and you got a glimpse into the people that are on the other side of this relationship yeah I had some

rosemary stuffed up my nostrils for the the whole show yeah so i was all right yeah all right for the stink it was a small area you stink sorry man yeah and your phone number's out yeah yeah so uh so i i don't like to uh i don't like to go on about the stories too much because it it's a it's it's fucking publicizing the fact and it's encouraging other people to do that. Copycat crimes. Yeah, exactly. So I don't want that to happen. But every now and then I think I should bust one of these out.

So a couple of weeks ago, I get a late night, it's like Friday night, get a late night text, unknown number, and it says, oh, hi, Carl. I was thinking I might just pop around and get all these free plants from you, get some free plants off you. And it's like, it's only midnight on a friday night and it's saying that and i'm like and i'm like i've had a couple beers i'm like yeah how about you come around and

suck my dick instead send smart yeah it's your mom so that's you say no i've saved my mom's number oh okay well yeah sometimes i don't know my phone just fucking no you yeah, sometimes, I don't know, my phone just fucking, you lose the name. No, no, no. You don't? No, that doesn't happen.

Technology. Yeah. It's the best. Sometimes it comes up as a number You're thinking about the landline that doesn't save them.

This is old cuckoo clock alarm we're talking about. Sometimes my oven doesn't save the name of the food in it. I also like how you say, I'd had a few beers,

so I told this guy to suck my dick. Anyone who's dealt with you for gigs in a sober capacity will tell you the beer did nothing there. Not a contributing factor at all. That's just a thing that happened. I didn't say it caused that. Oh, okay, right. I'm just painting a bit of a background picture.

Full stop, and then I said suck my dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I had a couple of beers a couple of weeks before. And then I said something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I had a couple of beers a couple of weeks before. Anyway, then this happened two weeks later. Yeah, so

in the morning, get up, you know, late morning, get a phone, get a phone call, another unknown number, pick it up

and it's someone with a voice very similar to the voice you put on just then. One of these put on voices going, oh, oh, hi Carl, oh, hi, Carl.

Could I come here and get some free plant? And I'm like, yeah, fucking good one, mate. Yeah, come around and fucking get everything. See you here in two minutes, cunt. Hang up. Wait, like, obviously a put-on voice? Yes. Okay.

This is just how this man talks. Is that obvious? I'd be careful there. It's a pretty cartoony voice. Yeah, I know, but... Yeah. Well, I've got the late night thing. I've got that thing.

I'm like, yeah, okay, right. This is going to be a good running joke. Anyway, get into the afternoon. I get about six to ten of these text messages from different people. Free plants. I come around to get these free plants, and I'm starting to think, this is not the work of one person anymore. What's going on here?

Sorry, just quickly. It says a lot about your life when it's like, I get into the afternoon, like you have to fight time. Like it's just every day is such a hassle that I finally climb into the Arvo. Like the day is Takeshi's Castle. I got past the swinging. I got past level one, I am.

I'm getting a bunch of these sex now, and I'm like, what the fuck's going on here? And then I get a call from clearly an elderly woman going, oh, I might come around and get these plants. But this isn't... So you're not prepared to say that this is put on? No. This is definitely an actual elderly woman. Yeah, oh, I might come around and get these plants. But this isn't, so you're not prepared to say that this is put on. No. This is definitely an actual elderly woman.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, I mean, the first bit, you know, I've got the annoying late night text that's clearly a joke. Then I've got the next one off the rank is the weird voice. Yeah. So then I've got a heap of different texts. And I'm stuck at the foxhole, guys. I've just done the best gotcha call we're ever going to hear.

So then I get this genuine grandma who's asking me about it and I go, oh, look, I'm sorry, but what's going on here? I don't have any plans. Where did you get this number from? And she goes, oh, I'm really sorry to annoy you like this. That sounds horrible. What a horrible way to spend your day. There's an ad on Gumtree saying, you know, Carl, here's the phone number. If you hit me up, I've got all these free plans to give away.

So I just thought, oh, well, I'd really like some plans. I'm like, oh, fucking hell. No, I don't have any of that. I'm really sorry to annoy you. And she goes, oh, I'm going to ring up Gumtree right now and set them straight. I'm like, get on to Barry Gumtree. Awesome.

So then I go back in time and I'm like, okay, now I've just told some random to suck my dick at midnight the night before. All of a sudden the put on voice, I don't reckon he's a put on voice. It's not a put on voice at all. Because you were assuming, first of all, that any silly call or any call that you don't know what it is, is someone directly who listens to this podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm thinking this is clearly a set up because of the late night call and they knew my name and all that sort of stuff. So I'm like, fucking hell. So all of a sudden I've just been sending out all these It's like I've sent out I've put out a message. It's like this great prank where I put my details

up on a website to go, hey, come around and get some free plans. And then it's like, oh, I've got a nibble here. Get fucked. It is pretty good. Imagine being someone who chased that down. You go, this guy is absolutely insane. And so then I'm like, and so the only reason I'm bringing this up is because I quite like this detail in the little prank

in that I cut up all these calls and text messages and whatever. The detail is they didn't ask for free plants. What all of these messages and phone calls were asking for was, they would say, hey, Carl, can I come around and pick up some of your succulents? I'm like, great. I love it. Specifically, they said you were giving away succulents. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I just love that as a word. It's a bit of away succulents. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. I just love that as a word. It's a bit of detail. They've got plants. No, no, no. I'm going to get a lot of people to say succulents. Yeah, yeah. Did you see the ad?

Did you find the ad? No, no, no, no, no. Yeah. I mean, how do you? Well, that obviously you've got to take a step. Go to Gumtree and search your phone number. Or search free succulents. Well.

There can't be that many. Yeah. Oh, well. There's a little magnifying glass thing in the top of most websites. Click on that. So you can find stuff. Here we go. Ask Jeeves that.

Yeah, yeah. Bonsai buddy. Fucking help it out with the computer. I'm not a big Gumtree user, unfortunately. Yeah, right. I've sold shit on Gumtree. Fucking bad time. People actually turn up.

That's all I hear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People actually turn up. That's all I hear. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People actually turn up. Oh, no, you don't want to. Yeah. I sold a fucking car on Gumtree. Oh, really? Oh, Jesus Christ.

Really? Wow. The fucking people. Yeah. Midnight text. Yeah, man, I'll be around tomorrow morning and give you 20 bucks. What the fuck? It's a car.

It's 400 bucks. Yeah. That's it. I used to think Gumtree was the worst. I think it's been replaced by Facebook marketplace that's the one I hear is just absolutely

the worst like my friend sold something the other day this guy's like yeah great and I can't remember what she was selling

but it was like 50 bucks or whatever and then he turns up and he's like oh I've forgotten to bring my wallet with me and she's just so

off it by this point she's just like man you can just fucking have it like I don't want to have to deal with putting this fucking thing on so off it by this point she's just like man you can just fucking have it like I don't want to have to deal with putting this fucking thing

on the internet it's like actual scam yeah just the idea of strangers turning up at my fucking house I don't want

any of that to get some stuff because you're inviting the worst people to your house yeah yeah yeah I don't think

I don't think I did it on Gumtree because it's so long ago but I can't remember I sold the last time I sold a car trading post fuck maybe I don't think I did it on Gumtree because it's so long ago, but I can't remember. I sold, the last time I sold a car. Trading post. Fuck, maybe.

I don't know. I can't remember what it was. The bulletin board in the town square. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hee, hee, hee, hee. I've got a rare Pokemon card. I sold this car. I got the new car.

I got the car that I've got now. And I was like, I had my old shitty piece of shit car i was like fuck get rid of this fucking thing get my new car this is gonna be awesome so i sold it and then the guy comes around and like gets me down as well gets the price down like oh fuck you know and it's similar thing like fuck this guy yeah but also i want to get rid of it so fucking okay yeah so i sell it for a couple hundred bucks and it's like the car's fine like it's quite it's quite good never had a problem with it

so he's like he's brought his mum around so he's like almost showing off in front of his mum trying to bargain me down like alright mate I guess you can

fuck your mum tonight after this have it good work so he gets he gets the car off me but the worst thing is

then about two months so I'm like finally I'm rid of this piece of shit who gives a fuck get rid of it for 200 bucks i've got this new car i get the new car nothing but trouble i i have so much trouble with it for the first six months i've got in the garage so often there's literally a point where i'm just down the street from my own house it breaks down i'm at the front of the car it's broken down i'm sitting on the fucking footpath this cunt in my

old car pulls up parks gets out of the car and goes thanks for selling me this car for 200 bucks had no problem with it it's fucking great and takes off his mum's in the passenger seat

yeah gone down on him that's my boy yeah that's awesome I I bought a new car recently

like at the end of last year and like just traded in my old one and the guy was like yeah I can't really give you much for it can't really give you much for it can't really give you anything for it because it's never they never came pretty yeah yeah and

then he's like i'm basically i'll give you this much for it and basically all i'm going to do with that is just on sale the what you had left of the registration for it and same thing it's like i don't give a fuck i'd rather just be done with it and you know get the new car and then not have to bother with this and then like yeah a later, I was driving down the freeway and I'm pretty sure I saw it. It felt like I was in a movie. I'm gunning it down the freeway because I couldn't get a clear view of the license plate

and I was like, I just wanted to know if this guy has just cunted me and flipped my old car for a mozza. My girlfriend's with me in the passenger seat. You're scaring me. I'm such a passive driver, but I was like weaving in and out like i have to fucking know yeah i want to know who my ex-girlfriend's with yeah exactly yeah follow him there's something about that shit too i rode past my old house the other day that my wife and i lived in in flemington and i was just riding

past and i stopped and in the front room there was a guy on a computer and i just stopped i was on my bike and looked over and he's just staring at me. And I was like, hey, I wanted to be like, yeah, I used to live there. But that's more insane. Like, why are you back here, man? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should get one every house that you've ever lived in. You should be able to get one free visit to it.

Yeah. Anytime in the future. And whoever now lives in there is obligated to put on a bit of a spread I'm not going to give you like a drink maybe some chips or something you know what you should do

when you leave your house if you've got that in your head leave a little plaque out the front install a little plaque that said Tommy Daslow once lived here oh yeah a little secret

but not put it really obviously just put it in the corner or something just drill the nameplate on the door like people name their houses shit for some reason

Yeah yeah What the fuck is that all about Yeah yeah I hate that I hate seeing a fucking house With a name Yeah It's gotta be big

There's that one in Kew That mansion That the Pratt family owned That's called It's like Oh fuck I forget the name of it But it's a mansion

Yeah Okay That can have a name It's named after one of King Arthur's swords Or something like that. But if you're fucking 47 Smith Street, you give the shit. Yeah.

You don't get to name your house. Yeah, and especially if it's like a big enough house that, you know, at one point was a huge family home and then now it's just some rank share house that eight people live in and it's out the front. It's like the Vandelay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, fuck off. That is pretty good though.

Like if you just called your house anal sex and then you put that as your address on everything. Right, right. You can make that happen. You can have the government send you letters with anal sex on it. Big plaque on the front of your house that says anal sex. Yeah, yeah. How long do you think you'd get away with that? Just for when you sell it.

So the real estate agent would have to put up the YouTube video. Yeah, yeah. Hey, welcome to anal sex. Four very spacious bedrooms. Yeah, big back door. I've never really been interested in owning property, but now I'm starting to get into this idea. Just being able to do whatever you want to the front.

Having a builder come over and like, what are we doing? Pretty much just the plaque and then I'm happy to leave everything else as is. Don't want to fix the plumbing and the floorboards? No. Who cares? Yeah, you can't choose the number of your house.

The house is called anal sex, mate. The plumbing's wrecked. The pipes are busted. Heggie, so you've talked on the podcast before about jobs you've had. You've been a... What have you been? You've been on the podcast before about jobs you've had. You've been a... What have you been? You've been a driver.

You worked in showbiz before you got into comedy, didn't you? Yeah, yeah. Sort of, loosely. Yeah, very loosely. Showbiz adjacent. He was born to entertain. Right, that's what you're trying to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was born to entertain. Born with grease paint on your face when you came here. Yeah. To thespian parents. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You one of the below the line people parents Yeah yeah yeah You're one of the Below the line people Oh yeah

The bits of the credits That are like squashed up Into the top of the screen When they've already Started The Simpsons Yeah yeah Yeah yeah You've operated a foley

Before probably What's a foley? I don't know I see that on credits though Foley Oh okay I've never been like A key grips or a best boy

Oh you haven't What about a dolly grip Because you play with Barbies Yeah yeah yeah I swear I thought That was it when i was a kid that's what anytime i saw dolly operator i was like sick doesn't really come across in the show but just knowing that that's happening off camera that's nice that girls get a go i wish there was a gi grip gi grip i could get a gig with yeah what's my stretch Armstrong handler so you've talked before about

what were you you were a driver on Australian Idol or something like that so that's the sort of shit you were getting into oh man I used to drive on a few shows

and I did and by drive you drove around the talent yeah I drove the talent the runner yeah I was a runner when I was a production

I was always like you're milling around in the back of a run around yeah I was a runner when I was a production I was always like you're milling around in the back of a scene and shit went for the extras did you get a credit was it ever

runner Luke Heggy on a TV show yeah oh nice on that and a few others yeah I was on

I was on a show called 10 years younger in 10 days right fucking nightmare you just go and find ugly couples in like

Central Coast Or Erin Amor Or some shit And convince them To go on a show For ten days Right And then

A couple So you pick two people You separate them Right And then They see each other You both look hideous Yeah

We can't tell Which one of you Is batting out of your league Right You're both solid twos You want to be on the telly Yeah You're both having Your little. You want to be on the telly. You're both having nil all draws in Division 6.

Come with me. I'd just go up and vomit on them. Jesus Christ, I'm sorry. And that makes you better. What a shame, because, Adam, you are hideous. But, sir, you're like a three, and that's sort of out of the league of the show, unfortunately. That's a great dish. That is a great dish.

Oh, you are batting out of your league because you're Division 6, she's 7. So yeah, we'd take them, once they agree, because they get heaps of dental work. Their teeth are always fucked, but the dental work, that's the fucking gold standard. That's doing a lot of the heavy lifting. The rest of it's like Botox and fucking the odd necklace. Sometimes they disgustingly cut a little bit out of their fucking eyelid and close it back up like an eye lift. Only shit you can do in 10 days. Not big surgery, not lipo, nothing like that.

I was going to say, that is a lot of work to do to some random you see. Big W. Oh, yeah. You just leave the house to get groceries. All of a sudden, you're on the operating table for like hundreds of hours in a row. I'm trying to remember a mate of mine his friend got so much

plastic surgery that her eyelids wouldn't close and at night if it was hot and they had the air con on she'd have to like glad wrap her eyes closed

because her eyes are dry wow on this show? oh just this is a different thing no no no I'm trying to remember which mate

just told me that's awesome but they're so scummy you had to sort of hold back the last bit of dental till the last day because if they got their third that's the most expensive so 30 gram worth of dental yeah yeah i'll fix my teeth if you did that day one they just fuck off yeah yeah right no one to fuck off you're like you can't because you got rubber bands in your mouth and the dentist just chuck something in there going well you can't leave till day 10 because you know your teeth will fall out yeah

if we don't if that elastic band gets left in there like a bad guy from speed yeah yeah yeah so but these people like there was a

physical element they had to learn how to not be fat or something right so one day a great lesson they'd be like

you're not going to solve that how do you teach that well yeah there was like a trainer right those who can do it's just the course being taught by some you're not going to salt that how do you teach that well yeah there was like a trainer right those who can do it's just the course

being taught by some 200 kilo man here's how to do it yeah this guy doesn't know what the fuck he's on about yeah

oh man yeah some of the great premiership coaches weren't great players though they were great coaches you must have shit them though Heggie because it's

quarter past nine on a Sunday morning and you are having a can of coke for breakfast. So the look on their faces as you're just drinking Coke, you need your teeth fixed or you're too fat. Anyway, I need another can.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks, Deli Llama. I'm going to tell you how to live your life better, but I'm going to do it through song. I'm going to play my mandolin and I'm going to teach you a lesson. I wasn't giving them advice. I was just driving them. Plus, sometimes they'd have a tantrum. One woman jumped out of the car

with the lights in Cronulla and just ran off. I'm like, what the fuck? I rung the boss. I lost one. Yeah, I lost one. So I'm driving around the back streets Guys, we're down a couple of lacquer bands.

It's like a runaway kid or something. I'm driving around looking for this 35-year-old person. I imagine that's like the number one cardinal sin of the runner is losing some of the talent

yeah what can you do you can't lock the fucking doors as soon as they get in being on tour with you

I know what's happened you farted and she rightfully fled I come from I come from

Maribor which is like small shit house town and so for a long time they were like football oriented and whatever

and we never had a good footy player so whenever you talk about Maribor you'd be like who do you know famous out of Maribor no one

we couldn't even get a good footy player the only people whenever it would come up in the news was twice when I was out of like high school

in uni or whatever it was twice in the news there was a front page article about a guy that had dug up a grave and cut an old woman's when I was out of high school and in uni or whatever it was, twice in the news, there was a front page article about a guy that had dug up a grave and cut an old woman's hand off out of a grave. Fucking hell.

And then the other time was a guy was in a paddy wagon and it was in Yarraville near the Westgate and a guy just kicked the doors open of the paddy wagon and fled. Like a guy that had been locked up.

It was like, there are two famous Maryborough people. Ask Cody who went to his school. Better. Who's that? Your fellow alumni. He calls my school Westbourne, where I went in Hoppers Crossing,

he calls it Westborough High School. Westborough Baptist. Westborough Baptist High School. No, we had Julian Knight. Oh, yeah. Hoddle Street. Hoddle Street bomber. Yeah.

Yeah. And that's it very proud nice he was E-Ducks no he was pretty smart though apparently yeah

straight out of a blazer and into his fatigues oh no you had all rugby union players and shit at your school yeah worse

Brisbane private school it was terrible I'm not I am casting stones but yeah mine was pretty fucking yuck so did you have to

track down did you have to catch yeah I found her I nearly fucking ran her over oh really like I'm flying

through the building sort of panicking because I was like I'm going to lose my job I don't know just fucking lost her how much of the

surgeries has she had at this point when she does a runner could you even recognise her anymore there she is the woman with one fake tit stick around she had at this point when she does a runner. Could you even recognise her anymore? There she is, the woman with one fake tit.

We thought she'd stick around. Actually, surprisingly easy to catch. She's leaning on one side. She's toppled over. Oh no, there wasn't that. They wouldn't do fake tits and shit.

It was just what they could do in a week. One time, I nearly spewed. I was in this plastic surgeon. They've got to do a neck lipo or some shit, and they're just shoving a thing in. They go, like, just sucking out fat. Just siphoning it. Sucking out of a fat neck? Yeah.

It was disgusting. It was like fucking carpentry. Real rough. I heard that's how they make the thick shakes at McDonald's. That's where they take it. I swear. My uncle take it. I swear. My uncle owns one, I swear. So is this just a fucking pit lane for a bogan?

Just roll them in and fuck? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, pretty much. Just flag up. Tap them on the top of the head. You're right. Yeah, that's a better show. Ten years younger in ten seconds.

Quit coming out with the veneers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're sucking the oil out. It's literally an oil change. Sucking the oil out of the neck. Paint the toenails. Yeah, you want to send them. They need to go back from the shops in the same trip.

Like, they've still got the bag of groceries that they went out for before you ambush them for the show. That's the challenge. Nothing can have spoiled in the bag of groceries that they went out for before you ambushed them for the show. That's the challenge. Nothing can have spoiled in the bag by the time they get home. Also, is it a bit weird that, like, they're a couple, so they get back together, and then it's like, well, you know, you want them single, so you pop them back at Kmart and see if they can pick up any better than what they did when they were... Oh, yes.

They're doing it for them, Carl, not for other people, you know? But it's like, the first day... If you did it today, it'd be like that, I reckon. Yeah. It'd have to be. No, it'd be downgrad other people. But it's like the first day... It'd be like that, I reckon. Yeah. It'd have to be. No, it'd be downgrading people. It'd be like the end of Shrek. Fuck.

It's what's inside that matters. Sick. Just getting some fucking blokes from The Bachelorette and just fucking hurting them. Yeah. You're too vain. You're too good-looking. It's ruining your life.

We're going to bust up your teeth a little bit. We're going to fatten you up. We're going to fuck your hair up. You're too good looking. It's ruining your life. We're going to bust up your teeth a little bit. We're going to fatten you up. We're going to, you know, fuck your hair up. Yeah. All of it. That'd be good. Yeah, that would be much better. That'd be very enjoyable.

Here's a hot cup of tea over your head. Yeah. See you later. Yeah, 10 years older in 10 minutes. Yeah. We had to put them in like a Perspex box down at Circular Quay and then just get people and they just had to stand there first day and last day and just get people walking past and go, how old do you reckon this guy looks? And they'd walk around and go, 55, whatever.

And they'd always look like shit. And you'd go, don't be shy. How old do they look? That's all right. They can't hear you. And they couldn't. He's fucking ugly, isn't he? What's happened to you?

He's got no hair. But you just coax them into saying shit about him. Great. That's sick. he looks fucking terrible and then on the last day you had to put him back in the box and people go

oh yeah stylish nice jacket bloody good hair rug yeah right but not the same people they wouldn't bring the same people back

no no no well no it just passes by I'd just nab him yeah I'd fuck him yeah get me in that box I'll fuck him right now

in front of everyone. Yeah, it's... I think it might... Does it have the same name? Like the British kind of version of that? That show that... Yeah, maybe. Something like that.

Oh, Snog, Marry, Avoid, I think it was called. Oh, yeah. And it was the same thing. Always the most brutal part where they show people the footage of what people have said about them in the street when they've shown them a photo. Right. And it's all just fucked old men going like,

you know, I reckon she looks like a bit of a slut like this. I wouldn't go near her. It's like some guy with busted teeth, just looks like absolute shit going, yeah, she looks a bit minging for me. And they put them in underwear three sizes too small and then the camera pans around them. Right, right.

Yeah, they're not good, Nick. Yeah. You could never have that show on now where you're just getting can't you what do you mean well it was only a couple years ago wasn't it but the whole thing of like being able like getting people in the street to just like body shame something oh yeah we just put them on maps and then fucking kick off on twitter yeah yeah you're right you're right it's become Stay home and abuse. It's more covert. Yeah, yeah. Fuck.

So, Cody, you just did a year off the booze. Yeah. I was doing FebFast last time I saw you. We were talking about zero alcohol beer. I hit you up about it. Yeah. We were doing... Me and my girlfriend were doing FebFast together, having a bit of a break from the booze.

And in the middle of this, I went to Rockpool with Milan and managed to hold strong with the FebFast, which is like doing FebFast with a weighted vest on. I was like, I got through that and I was like, I reckon this is probably me never drinking again. Like if I can do this, then I reckon I've got the mental fortitude to get through a New Year's Eve or get through a friend's party. Like this is the biggest challenge I'll ever face.

And then last Friday, Dan Andrews announced a snap five-day lockdown of Melbourne and I reckon I had a pint in my hand within 45 minutes of the press conference. Straight to the pub. Why did that get you, the five days? Because that was the 13th. I think I texted you about this. The hardest bit, I reckon, of giving up booze for a chunk is the first two weeks. Yeah.

Because it's just a... You just think about it. I go in there and I get a beer or I do this and I have a beer. And then that's gone after two weeks. Or for me, I don't know. Yeah. Fiona O'Loughlin, different story. But there are people that have a different time.

But fuck, man, you were close. Yeah. I don't know. Fiona O'Loughlin, different story. But there are people that have a different time. But fuck, man, you were close. Yeah, I don't know what it was. I think it was kind of a bit of like the PTSD thing of Melbourne lockdowns where it was like, it's meant to be five days, but this could be months now of not seeing friends and stuff. No one will ever understand what you poor people went through last year. Thanks, man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I read your poem that you wrote about it, actually. It was really touching stuff. Pretty good straight up. You don't understand what it's like to sit inside with your loved ones and watch TV. You don't get it, mate. From what I read, comedians talking about and crying and shit, it was worse than the Great War.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Comparable. Getting paid minimum wage to do fuck all. I normally sit down to have this toasted sanger, but I had to just take it straight home. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I...

It was also, like, the fact that he... And it's Feb. You shouldn't not drink in Feb. Like, that's a dumb month. Summer. Yeah. Yeah. It was also, like, the fact that he'd made the announcement

and for everyone outside of Melbourne, the lockdown came into effect at midnight on Friday. So, you know, it's like several hours away. And he's like, so it comes in at midnight, but, you know, don't go out tonight. Don't do anything tonight. And then went out and like, it was just like, this will just be a funny night to go out.

Like, and the vibe out there was just fucking great. People just living it up going, who knows what happens tomorrow. Last day on earth. Yeah, yeah. It was fucking awesome. I walked past a real estate agent and there was a woman walking out because it's like close of business Friday, walking out with the office computer under her arm. Jesus.

Oh yeah. Getting ready to work from home, are you? Getting ready for a big five days of ignoring emails at home. Good thing you've got your fucking work hard drive with you. Fuck. I don't think it was real. Like this one, people were just out and about just wearing masks. Yeah.

Where I live, near Moonee Ponds and stuff, people fucking everywhere on Saturday and Sunday. Nobody gave a shit. Yeah, I got home that night because I was out that night and got home and people making the most of it in all these pubs there was a bunch of people across the road from me in the park just like getting super pissed and i'm like you can do this any day boys right yeah you can you can get pissed in the park whenever you want yeah that's not changing yeah they're not closing up the park tomorrow man i'm i'm concerned because

my wife and son went away for a week. The day before, so on Thursday, they went down to Anglesea for a week. Right. Missed the whole thing. Then on the Friday, they now snapped lockdown. And last time, before the postcode lockdown, one day before, they went away. So I think she's like one of those animals in Thailand when the tsunami came. And like an hour before, all the elephants just fucked off into the hills and none of them copped it.

She's an ant that can sense the rain. As soon as she's going somewhere, fucking get ready, run with her. Yeah. She says building one of those hills, you know what's happening. Another lockdown. Are you going to have another month off at some point? I think so. Yeah.

I'll probably pick it up again. Man, get on. Cheeky plug. Heap's normal. Yeah. No. Yeah. We talked about that. I love Plug. Heap's normal. Yeah, we talked about that. I love that. The best. It's tasty, actually.

We were enjoying the work of a friend of the show, Limo, who put a big thing about I'm doing FebFast. Oh, we saw him after the first weekend. Yeah, yeah. We saw him and then he was like saying,

I think you mentioned you're doing FebFast. Oh, me too, me too. I mean, I had a day off the other day, Feb the 4th. Had a day off on Saturday. It was like, it's less than a weekend. And if you can't control yourself for a second, Saturday is the whole point.

Who gives a fuck about not drinking on a Wednesday? It's the Saturdays that are the challenge. I just had a day off on the 4th of February. He's made a fast? I think you've skipped brunch. I think that's it. So that was the Saturday that he's made a fast I think you've skipped brunch yeah I think that's it so that was the Saturday

that he's done that and then on the Friday so six days later the lockdown is announced and he puts a post on social media going see you fed fast

it's like wow it's been a long six days hasn't it but easily the best reason to have a chunk of time off booze I guess because a lot of people do Feb fast or whatever,

you won't get the swing. But when I said at the start of last year, I'm going to have a year off, you cop three months of fuck off, cunt. Shut up, cunt. You're not having a fucking fuck off, cunt. And then middle of the year during that massive lockdown, surely you want to have a beer now, cunt.

Surely now. Like even you were like, I didn't see this coming. I'm going to break for a beer. Then from September onwards, bro, how'd you do it? I'm thinking about having a year off. Like the same people, this violent swing in the tone of the messages. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's what happened with me.

Like I never used to like drink at home or by myself or whatever. And it's just like, yeah, lockdown, what are you going to do? Go to the bottle shop, try a few new craft beers. It's like, I need to recalibrate. I'll tell you what I did try last year for two weeks, and that was trying to become like a weed guy. Oh, really? What, pills?

Oh, you're smoking weed? Pills? What? No, but you get weed in pills now, don't you? The fucking medical... When you go weed. Yeah, I'm a weed guy. Love Cheech and Chong.

Love getting horny watching Cheech and Chong Love getting horny Watching Cheech and Chong Yeah Throw on Pineapple Express Beat off to it Because I've got a raging heart on I love pulling a bong And by bong I mean dick

You're thinking of edibles right Yeah Weird edibles No I've never had one of those I just try to become like Smoke the odd joint guy Two weeks in There was a day W wife and son were away

and I had like two little joints in a day and I go, I can just see. I can see where this is going. And it's nowhere near as much fun as drinking to me. I love beers. Do not enjoy stuck to a couch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not enjoying having a rare bit of marijuana,

getting paranoid about why your family's left you for the fourth time this year. They've left me here with all the knives for a reason. The rest of your family are doing another month of Cody fast. Cody becoming a full-time stoner and then all the phone-in topics on breakfast radio being like, give us a call if you've ever eaten two pizzas in a row. Give us a call if you've got anything to eat

and you want to bring it to me. Very rarely has somebody left the radio to be in the rock patrol. Cody's gone backwards. He's eaten all the fucking maxi bombs. Fuck, yeah. So we ended up going out to dinner on this final Friday night.

We go to this This pub For some food This is the final night Of being out The final night of being out Yeah this is like It's like 9pm by this point

So it's like 3 hours to go And we're there We're ordering It's like me and Three mates And we're just kind of Talking shit There's this table

Next to us That at one point They like knock over a glass And it smashes But you know We're all just kind of Catching up and making The most of

Socialism before it ends So we don't really know taxi do you and then oh fucking classic man you should have seen him spewing absolutely spewing um so we get to the yeah we we get to the end of our food and then our waiter comes over and he goes oh um just wanted to apologize for uh that table that was next to you like, the music that we've been playing for the last, like, 45 minutes because they came in, that table came in, it was like a family. There was, like, a young kid with them. That table came in, they'd been at an anti-lockdown rally and they were refusing to wear masks in the store

and they said they had, like, an exemption for it and, you know, what do you do? Like, we couldn't really kick them out or whatever. And so to get them to leave, we've been just playing as loudly as we can the worst fucking music that we can think of to try and get them out of here. So, yeah, just wanted to apologise for that.

That's what was going on. And we're all like, we've just been on one. Like we were like, was there music playing? And like the guy's like the guy goes can we do a shout out to whatever band's been playing i want to know who was the worst band of all time well how's this i forgot this detail until i caught up with my friend last night who was with me and he reminded me that the guy was saying they had been playing like just obnoxious like brutal like intense trance music but then splicing in over the top of it the Corona cast.

So just putting sound bites of like Norman Swan just giving facts about the Corona virus over the top of this music to drive out this like anti-mask family. Just ruining their own business despite like three people. That is what I miss about the three months in Queensland last year that's not here.

The pussyfooting around. It's like I'd rather do a DJ set instead of Queensland, which they'd just go, fuck off, cunts, and just throw them out. No, you can't come in. It's our business.

Because when he was like, we couldn't just ask them to leave. It's like, yeah, that's why you own a business, so you can do whatever the fuck you want in these four walls. The most satisfying part of owning a business is telling people to fuck off.

I see how Carl operates his business. That's got to be the best part. Yeah. I remember last year, I was waiting at the back in that storeroom at the Euro to do my show, and Rosenbach pops his head in and goes, you'll be happy to know, mate, that Carl's outside calling all your customers cunts. Yeah, probably. What do you mean, you dumb cunt?

Just take a seat You hear that Little sound bites He was on high alert Last night Chando At the basement Comedy

Which was a fucking Awesome room On a Saturday night And Friday And Friday of course Is Thursday coming back soon It's coming back soon Yep alright

So three nights a week Greedy gig boy Over here Chando But somebody came in With a jester hat on You go uh oh Alright what's happening?

And there was a Bucks party and he was, yeah, very excited. Clocked them. No, I wasn't excited. I just went over and I probably went a bit too hard too early

because I went over and there's like, they were being pretty loud and they sat in the front row and one of them was nearly unconscious and I just went over and went,

boys, great to see you but if you fuck up, you can fuck off, cunts. And they're like, nice. like nice oh okay and i'm thinking there's going to be this big fight and it's like no that was just pretty normal for the rest of it a bit of a preview for what you're in down the line with the miso mate a fucking taste of things to come being read the riot act but no i had some of those i had some some of those weeks ago where it was like everyone comes in in the mask. And at the moment, that's what you've got to do. You come in wearing the mask when you sit down.

When you have a drink, you can take the mask off. But had a couple that came in and went, nah, got medical. I said, you've got to wear your mask. No, I got medical exemption. And I was like, I did feel a bit of heggy come into me. I was like, fucking do you? Yeah, yeah. Where is it? And they go, we don't have to show you. I'm like, I did feel a bit of heggy come into me. I was like, fucking do ya? Yeah, yeah. Where is it?

And they go, we don't have to show you. I'm like, don't ya? Yeah, fucking good one. Yeah. What do you do? Nothing worse than a cunt that's read all the rules. Yeah, yeah. That's boned up and found the loophole.

Oh, no, but the old Facebook lawyer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's heaps of them at the minute. Because I don't think they've read all the actual rules. Yeah. They've read the meme with rules yeah they've read they've read the meme yeah with a bunch of laws written in it that may not be actual laws they know that little thing they know that one little thing i kicked off on the tram the other day a couple

weeks ago there was someone sitting opposite me without the mask and i was like and i just go i just i just got so mad and i just said to her where's your mask and she goes i don't have to wear one i'm like i reckon you do there's a sign right there where's your mask and she goes i don't have to wear one i'm like i reckon you do there's a sign right there that says you do and she goes i've got an exemption i said where is it and she goes you you're not a cop i said maybe i fucking am yeah she's like no i don't reckon you are i was like i don't say fucking that much the cops well they do actually when they're beating shit out of you they do but, but not pre that. They don't say, I fucking am a cop.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wonder if people want to abolish the cops. People like you pretending to be them. If this guy's a cop, then ACAB. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put your fucking hands up, you dog. Yeah, she goes, I don't have to show you anything.

I've got my rights. I don't have to show you anything. I don't have to do anything like that. I go, oh, sorry. All we had to say at the start was, I'm a fucking crazy bitch and I would have left you alone. Oh my rights. I don't have to show you anything. I don't have to do anything like that. I go, oh, sorry. All he had to say at the start was, I'm a fucking crazy bitch, and I would have left you alone. Oh, my God.

Jesus Christ. You just wake up in the morning and think, what fights am I going to have today? Oh, man. Yeah, I kicked off that day. Must be exhausting. But then after you do that, she just stared at me.

And then he finally summited the evening. All right, I've gotten through 5 p.m. Not long to go now until the final boss. Alright, I've gotten through 5pm. Not long to go now until the final boss. But then, yeah, so then we just sat in silence for like 10 minutes and then I got up and went see you, you fucking nutcase

and then went to walk off the tram and went to walk off the tram and then see everyone staring at me and saw them going, oh, she's in that case yeah like fight club there wasn't even a woman there

it was just him yelling put on a mask you fuck he was both yeah it was a reflection he's not wearing a mask did you jump the gun

I've done stuff like that before and you go see you fuck head and then door won't open or something you've got to stand there for 10 seconds just waiting

oh fuck I'm going too early no no it's a shame about the city at the minute because there's and the door won't open or something? You've got to stand there for 10 seconds just waiting. Oh, fuck. No, no, no. Not too early here. No, no. It's a shame about the city at the minute because there's no foot traffic. People are scared about coming in or whatever, but mentals aren't.

Right. So odds are it's like 90% chance if you see someone in the city on a Sunday morning, they're fucking nuts. And before here, Heggie sent me a text. He needed his can of Coke for breakfast. So I hopped into the 7-Eleven on Bourke Street,

and there was a bloke there just icy to the gills. Poor, just quiet Asian dude working at the counter behind the glass, though, just eating like a vegetable rat. And this guy's going, Mate, you wouldn't believe what the fucking judge said. And I just had to cop a cunt. Do you want to know what the sentence was? And the guy judge said and I just had to cop a cunt do you want to know what the sentence was

and the guy like I just walk past this guy's like face is almost at the glass and I just pop around and hand the guy the coke and he scans it and I tap

and he's like bye and he just said bye what was it he goes two years of community service whatever hate the community

so Chandler will bump into them on the tram on the way there's your next foe man people at shop I used to work in a shop and people would stand there for fucking

I was a quiet suburb at the time and they'd stand there for upwards of an hour just pouring shit out and think fuck there was a thick counter between us

because some of them someone start crying and shit about their lives and you're serving other people thinking they'll get the hint there's someone coming in sorry I just got to serve this person

they stand back yeah okay and then get straight back into their fucking story oh man and they don't leave no absolutely because this is all

my parents had shops when I was growing up and that was the thing I learnt very quickly is that some people if no one will talk to them they've figured out that shops are free friends

oh yeah because they have to sit there just in case you buy a fucking uh juicy fruit or something for 35 cents they'll come in and give their life story and go i'm gonna make the most of this fucking children yeah yeah yeah and uh we used to have so many mentals coming to our shops and mom and dad were not like me they would just put up with it be nice and even i was eight years old going, why isn't mum calling this guy a cunt? What the fuck's going on here?

Fuck yeah. Oh man, mine was a bottle shop, so these people's lives are fucking falling apart. Yeah, right. And at the end of their half hour of just pouring their shit out, they'd just buy a flag and, you know, I don't know that this will help, man, but $9.99, get the fuck out.

But you think that's mental? At least Boozer's done that. That makes sense. If you're just fucking telling a stranger what happened to you in a shoe shop, that's a true insane person. Yeah, there's a bit of context. At least Booze, I get it. It's a vicious cycle. They're back again.

They're sad. Whatever. But if you do it in a shoe shop, fair enough. Because if you have to buy a pair of hush puppies at the end of it, you want to get a few stories out. If you were that way inclined, it'd be worth squirreling money away and saving up for a long haul flight. Because a flight attendant is

the ultimate captive audience. Just dinging them every two seconds. Anyway, where was I? What is the deal with the black box up here anyway? How did they make the whole plane? I've had people like that on a plane before. You've got noise

cancelling headphones on and you'll get a tap and you go Fucking door must have flung open or something There's a fire They're like so where are you? What are you doing there? You're like fucking nut The life is beautiful mentality of like someone on a plane Who's like I'm travelling by myself

And every stranger I meet is just a friend that I haven't met It's like no I'm watching The Sopranos I meet is just a friend that I have in me. It's like, no, I'm watching The Sopranos. I don't want to fucking talk to you. I made such a mistake just yesterday actually. I was coming from Launceston. This old bloke

was sitting next to me and he goes, oh, what are you doing? I don't know why I said I was a comedian. I just fucking said, all that masculine shit.

I know, I know. He's asking me where I've been. I'm an artist. I've never seen him take a big step. Yeah, yeah. It's the first time I've ever heard Haggy go, fuck, I know, I'm an artist I've never seen him take a big step yeah yeah it's the first time

I've ever heard Hagee go fuck I know I fucked it I fucked it well yeah I totally did do you know there's been a massive surge I'll see if you guys

are right here massive surge in people saying if it comes up in conversation I thought this was dead and buried but finding out you're in comedy

tell us a fucking joke then it's come back has it I thought it was gone, but it's absolutely... I'm copying it all the time. Well, Carl, after this year, people need a laugh more than ever. Oh, yeah. After this crazy...

We're all in this together. I don't know what to tell you. Don't have any succulents. Tell us a joke then, cunt. The world's gone crazy and Trump's at the wheel. Man, I was on one last... I was on one the other night. I was on one the other night. I was on one the other night.

I copped it. I copped it the other night, and I never say, I'm not like you. I don't go getting on fucking aircraft just to brag about what I do. I know. Deliberately. That's not what I do. With the jester hat on. Yeah, yeah.

Before it took off, I got off again. It wasn't the old cunt's fault. He could try to sell him merch. Sitting there watching footage of himself on his iPad. Oh, yes, guilty. You found me out. I am a comedian. I know what you're thinking.

I have merch. Here's some fucking pencils. So the other night someone handed me up and this guy, this fucking random goes to me. Oh, this guy's a comedian. I'm like, fuck, here it comes. And this fucking idiot just goes, oh, yeah, comedian, tell us a fucking joke then.

And I've just exploded with cunt, I make $10,000 a week. You better fucking tell me. You better give me two grand for a joke. And they're like, what the fuck is wrong with you? How do you earn $10,000 a week? I'm like, oh, fuck, I haven't thought this one through. There's no explanation as to how I would make $10,000 a week? I'm like, fuck, I haven't thought this one through. There's no explanation as to how I would make $10,000 a week. It's fun to yell.

It's some comedy. Yeah. My last name's Netflix. Yeah, I run this little station. What did the old bloke say to you on the plane? Oh, he turned out to have a really fucking loud voice. I didn't even clock that, so he's asking me questions. I was such a fucking, I hated myself as soon as I did it

I don't know why I was a bit sort of hungover what do you do at the airport when you put in your occupation I've never done that

like what are you going overseas going overseas on a little form on a form who's asking he probably writes who's asking

labourer are you the ATO fuck up I'll put unemployed or labour or something on there that's good

yeah well it is weird because it's like yeah who gives a fuck it's just like that little

green slip that you have to you know give over when you when you leave it just goes

in the fucking bin yeah but they do ask questions off the back of it sometimes you'll be happy

to know that my mum was a receptionist for 35 years and she'd always for for a tax return, put, call girl. Fuck yeah. Which is technically correct.

She's a girl. She's answering calls. Yeah. That's true of every woman on earth. I don't stand behind what Tommy just said. I think women are beautiful. I don't cheap behind what Tommy just said. I think women are beautiful. I don't cheapen them like Tommy Daslow does right there. Speaking of the tell us a joke thing,

my girlfriend saw me do stand-up for the first time ever like a month ago, maybe. And so she came along to a gig because, yeah, we got together. Is that a mistake? Is it a mistake? Yeah, I was pretty nervous.

Yeah, but like, you were planning on hiding your career from her for the rest of your life. Well, it was sort of looking that way. You know, we get together

and then the job basically hasn't existed for an entire year. But she, she came with. Did you do some warm up spots? Like, did you do other spots? Oh,

I actually did, yeah. She was like, oh, you first gig back, I'll come to this one. I'm like, nah,

let's give this a couple of weeks. So she comes to one Did you do other spots? Oh, I actually did, yeah. She was like, oh, you first gig back? I'll come to this one. I'm like, nah. Yeah, yeah. Let's give this a couple of weeks. So she comes to one and it went good. And then afterwards she was saying, oh, as you got up, as you were walking up to the stage, I was like, I was kind of getting really nervous because it dawned on me how weird this is that I haven't seen you do comedy yet. And I was like, oh, this is going to feel really weird

watching him do stand-up. And then she's like, within 20 seconds of you starting, I was like, oh, yeah, I fucking see this all the time. It's just the same fucking bullshit you go on about around the house. I'm just walking around the kitchen like, what about this fucking fry pan? She realises you've been doing gear to her the whole time. Right, right.

Your previous three comedy festival specials have been just put into conversation for the last six there anything in this yeah i i love like luch my wife finally says now she gets in it when her friends are like you're so lucky you're married to a comedian what's that like it must just be so fun and i figure it's like somebody going i you know what i fucking love hamburgers then they make you work in a meat works for seven years and you're like I don't like where

burgers come from burgers come from a dark spot I worked at Grilled for a couple of years walking past one now the smell makes me physically ill

I'll never eat a Grilled burger again in my life and that's what your girlfriend says to you now when she walks past you after seeing your comedy

the smell of you makes me physically ill now. Yes, exactly. When did you work at is that Grill D? Grill Grill Apostrophe D.

When did you work there? It's only been around a few years hasn't it? Nah, it's been around for like 15 years or something like that. It's been around for a while.

I thought it was a few years ago. Hamburgers have been around a while mate. Yeah, I know. They invented expensive hamburgers quite a while ago. We actually did, yeah. We were a fucking a few years ago. Hamburgers have been around a while, mate. Yeah, I know. They invented expensive hamburgers quite a while ago. We actually did, yeah.

Were you a fucking child 15 years ago? Yeah, how old was I? I was like 21, I think, when I worked there. Still pretty embarrassing. Flippin' Berks. You flipped burgers? As a teenager. As a teenager.

Oh, you worked at McDonald's? Yeah, fucking nightmare. What'd you do? Well, I was on the counter for five minutes. This will you do? Well, I was on the counter for five minutes. This will surprise you. And they put me on the counter for five minutes and said, I don't think you're a customer service material. And so I just went back out the back and just,

I worked harder than all the other pricks, but I didn't get on that well because, you know, it's Little Blacks with big sets of keys yelling at you and shit. And I'm not having that. So I ended up on the breakfast shift because I was on my own. Right. And I didn't have to mix and... There was one girl who was very nice.

More of a muffin man than a burger man. Yeah. Busted you down to hash brown duty. I was just going for a few hours every morning. Old hot cake heggies, they called them. I wouldn't be fucking done by 10.30. They had all these calls. I got a bunch of written warnings and shit. They had all these calls.

Fucking yuck. Calls? Like they had to go... Who found the McDonald's number? Fuck, you hate someone at a Macca's if you find their landline. You fucking hate it. Called up 1-800-GRIMUS and told this guy to get back. I can't even imagine there being a phone in a McDonald's.

Yeah. What do you need to ring a mcdonald's to complain were you in the van were you in that tour van the sydney comedy festival tour van years ago oh it was with badger and cam night forget who else but we're blind end of a night in a small town and we're like fucking drunk there better be somewhere open and there was a kfc with some lights on and Badron found the number and called the KFC and the chick at the KFC answered the phone like they'd told her it was haunted and it would never ring again. Like, hello? And then, just to confirm that, the voice on the other end is Ray Badron.

Someone's drowning. They've called the wrong number. And she's anticipating the Colonel. This is the hotline to him. The only person that will ring him. We're changing one of the herbs and spices. Alright, we'd better wrap it up there for another week on the Little Dum Dum Club.

Nick, Cody, Luke, Heggie, thank you very much for joining us. Thanks for having us. You guys have your podcast, Midflight Brawl. We certainly do. All about air rage incidents. Just had episode 50 yesterday, so that comes out this week.

It's doing well. We've got a Patreon, extra eps every second week. Festival shows coming up. You've got live shows coming up. Bunch of live shows. Adelaide and two shows in Brizzy in March. Midflightbrawl.com for all the info.

Cocky. Do 50 episodes and you decide to do a live show in Adelaide. Fucking hell. The little dum-dum club ran so that we could walk. We did the in-memoriam beforehand.

You're welcome. You're welcome for us being the podcast icebreakers over in that fucking town. The canaries in the coal mine. Thank you for your pioneering efforts. You're welcome. You're welcome for us being the podcast icebreakers over in that fucking town. The canaries in the coal mine. Yeah, yeah. Thank you for your pioneering efforts, Cunts.

You're welcome. Well done. And you guys both have solo shows coming up. Yeah, DadBod, everywhere, nickcote.com.au, and then nickcote on Instagram. Mine is Lowbreed, and no one under 35 plays at my shows. By the way, Heggie's blurbs. That's weird, because I always thought You would have had A lot of crossover fans With K-pop fans That wanted to come

To your show That's him Yeah that's you It's all TikTokers At Heggie's show This Heggie guy Is so poggers Every show

Every year Heggie's blurbs Are great It's a great thing to read Just hates on everything Fucking if you own Fucking square dinner plates Or circle beach towels

or your favourite pubs attached to a food court fucking don't come it's a every year just hating on everything and his entire blurb this year is

I can bash all your dads I'll set up my manager guys do you want a quote on there as well nah just that that is the quote for me

get someone's dad who you bashed. Fucking killed me. Great. All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you next. See you next.

And they've done it again. Oh, it feels good. The early bird gets the content. Fucking hell. I had an absolute right of a day after this recording. Just recording at 8.30. Didn't even have too big of a night, but had a big enough of a night to just... I had two hours sleep, I reckon, that night.

Absolutely fucked me. Nightmare of a recording, in a way. After getting to the end and Nick, Cody, Bright-Eyed and Bushy-Tailed saying to us, Don't you feel good, boys? Now you've got got this done you've got the whole day ahead of you and we were both just like no you've you've fucked our entire day for us also like we have to get it done this time after the recording do you want to hang around what do you want to do you fucking can't it really fucked us it fucked the night before for me because I was just like anxious about getting up to do it. And then it just, I, similarly to you, I slept like absolute shit.

A complete cod case for all of Sunday. One of the worst night's sleep of my entire life, that was. Yeah. Honestly. And it sort of, you know that, you know when you have a bad night and it just, there's reverberations going throughout the whole rest of the week? Oh, yeah. The next night I had to try and – it was almost like sleep rehabilitation. I was trying to learn how to sleep again.

It was like that old ad that used to be on TV when it was like, bend your knee, Jenny, bend your knee. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was trying to learn to sleep again. Yeah, yeah. You're right. The reverberations. Even Monday was dusty for me. I felt like

i'd been on a fucking bender i didn't even really drink this weekend yeah i still feel like i'm recovering yeah yeah i mean i know we sound again anytime you talk about sleep parents with like multiple kids like oh fucking lady da it's i don't care all right i don't care about your opinion i don't care exactly i don't care anyone saying this was bad i don't care, all right? I don't care about your opinion. Hey, I'm a parent. Exactly. I'm a parent and I'm saying this was bad. I don't care about anyone who's up at 4am for work or kids or whatever. All I can compare this to is my own life. Yes. My own privileged life.

My own privileged life. This fucked me. Then on Sunday, I went to a show with my mum and dad. I went and saw friends of the show, Denise Scott and Judith Lucy, at their show at the Malthouse. Got tickets for my parents for Christmas. And there was a bit in the show where... Not too much of a friend of the show where they gave you free tickets,

but yeah. Well, I mean, yeah, but I mean, that would make it a pretty average Christmas present if I'm giving my parents... If they're opening it up and they're like, oh, wow, this is so generous, thanks so much. And then they just see the zero dot yeah tickets always have to have the fact that it's cost zero dollars printed on it's fair it's like

don't try and fuck me if i'm trying to re-gift these yeah yeah yeah um but yeah i should just put scab tickets on those ones oh that would be good yeah they should be like a different the paper should be a different color toilet paper Just so people behind you when you're getting scanned in can just see. Toilet paper. You are a fucking low cunt. Yes. I'm loathe to just do someone else's material on the show, but Judith had a bit in the show basically about how in the Melbourne lockdown

where you could have an intimate partner to your house, but you couldn't have a friend over and she's single and lives alone. And she invited another single friend who lives alone over and said to her, you know, if we're going to make this legal, you're going to have to sit on my face. And then I got to witness a moment of my mom turning to my dad and saying, what did she say?

Sit on what? And dad going, I think she said face, sit on her face. What what is what does that mean and i'm there just sleep deprived going honestly am i in a dream right now because this is awful great and then you deal with your girlfriend they're my girlfriend as well nice and then we were dissecting this later on because she hadn't witnessed this interaction and she said look i know that's brutal to have lived through but isn't – like your mum, your parent, neither of your parents knowing that term, isn't that preferable

to your mum just like hooting and hollering and being like, woo, which she's right. It's better than her saying, actually, that reminds me of last night, hey? Right, right, right. So she's right. It is nicer to live in a world where I can still delude myself into thinking that my parents aren't even aware of the concept of cunnilingus at this point in their lives.

Just even going further and just them going, what's this sex they're talking about? I mean, you know, imagine if that's the way you find out you're... What's this thing sitting next to us? How did we create that again? I can't remember. That's the way you find out you're adopted. What's this sex thing? You know, when if that's the way you find out you're... What's this thing sitting next to us? How did we create that again? I can't remember. That's the way you find out you're adopted. Yeah.

What's this sex thing? You know, when you had me. Oh. What? You mean... Sure. Went down the shops. That's what we did.

Yeah. Look, Tommy, I don't think you understand this. We didn't go to the adoption agency and fuck the person behind the counter to get you. We just bought you. Yeah, exactly. That would be great. Your parents like owning and running shops what if they had been so committed to the concept that you and your brother they're like we can't possibly conceive yeah we have to go to an adoption agency because that's just like going down the shops yeah yeah you know that's how

we do that's that's the only thing we understand retail yeah yeah we have no private life anymore we don't want to put the adoption agency out of business. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We know what it's like. A couple of hours without a customer, you know, you've got to give back. Hey, how would we feel if people just started making their own mad magazines? Yeah, yeah. Fuck, imagine the Maribor adoption agency.

Jesus Christ. Fuck, that would be some rough gear on the shelf. Yeah, yeah. Yeah Oh my goodness Are there regional arms of adoption agencies? That's probably a very naive question I know, I know Classic us though If you've never had to look into it

Yeah Then you have no idea how it works You've never had any reason to know how it works For those people that really want a country kid Yeah That don't want a stuck up city kid That smells a bit funny They want a bit kid. Yeah. That don't want a stuck-up city kid that smells a bit funny. They want a bit of a fresh air kid.

Exactly. Yeah. Also, that's a bit rough for, like, country people where it's like, oh, we've got to go to the big city to get a kid. Yeah, exactly. But for them, it would be the equivalent of, like, you know, they see, like, Angelina Jolie going over to another country, going on this, like, huge trip to, you know,

to get their new adopted child and bring them home. That's kind of there. That's like a micro version of that. They're like getting on the V line, going four hours to bring their kid and back home. Changing it like Castle Main to get on a bus or something. Like, fuck. This baby's going apeshit because it was born in the city.

It fucking hates it already. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The baby's like, fuck. Fuck this Zone 4 or whatever the fuck this is out here. Yeah, great. Haven't seen McDonald's yet. This is shit. Yeah, yeah.

That's a good like movie premise, just like an adopted kid from the big city. And its parents have never told it, but it's always like, you know, it's staring out the window. It can kind of see like the bright lights of the city out on the horizon. This baby with a black skivvy on. Yes. Everyone else is like in the, you know, in the school. It's like they know they're going to, you know, grow up to be a farmer.

And it's like this one kid for its first birthday, like for its eighth birthday, it wants like a little espresso machine, like wants to be a barista. As soon as it gets out there, it goes, fuck, it feels like these idiots out here don't even have nine at the front of their phone number. Fuck this place. You know what we're in the middle of?

Oh, Funnyfellas. This is Funnyfellas. This is a bit too smart for Funnyfellas though. We need to dumb it down a little bit. This is the Funnyfellas movie. You know, it's like the sketch teams that make a movie and it's often, it's just all sort of sketches but then there's like an overarching just kind of very loose bullshit actually i feel like we can dumb it down a bit and just have big city baby

right i think that's good and what's that big city baby just just just just just walking around in the country and going up the cows going, get a job, you fucking idiot. Okay. Yeah. That's its first words. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Just not knowing.

Just drinking a milk and going, what the fuck are you looking at? So it's basically, it's the same premise, but we've just done away with the backstory. We assume that our audience aren't going to be able to grasp. There's too much back and forth. It's at least 30 seconds there that we don't need. Yeah, yeah. Cut to straight away. Cut to baby in a skivvy, walking through a paddock, seeing a cow. Baby's in a skivvy.

Yeah. Okay. Seeing a cow whilst he's drinking a bottle of milk and going, what are you looking at, you useless fucking cunt? And the cow going, I made that milk. Oh, so the cow talks as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. Why not?

Why not? And the cow going, I made that milk. Oh, yeah, good one, fuckhead. But also this big city baby that's being so uncouth to the cow, that's sort of going against the character of the big city baby. Do you know what I mean? Oh, why? Well, if it's going up to a cow and going,

what are you looking at, you fucking cunt? You know, that's kind of a bit of a country mentality, don't you think? That's very small town. Maybe. But this is the beauty of it. We're exploring nature versus nurture. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What I'm thinking is the arrogant city person.

Maybe I'm coming from it as a country boy myself, when the big smoke people would come down and be very dismissive of us country yokels. Well, no, it's something like it's drinking out of the bottle and then it walks past its dad milking the cow. Right. And it's like, oh, you know, can I get a bit of froth on that? Yeah.

Can you put some soy? Yeah, that's good. Something along those kind of lines. Maybe or maybe the cow's like, well, I made what you've got in your bottle. And it goes, nice try, this is a fucking energy drink. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There we go. Jolt cola.

Yeah, there we go. Very good stuff. Very, very good stuff. Yes. And that's just, look, that's just five seconds worth of thought. Imagine if we had 10 seconds, it could be even better. Yeah. So thanks, Denise. Look, that's just five seconds worth of thought. Imagine if we had ten seconds. It could be even better. So thanks, Denise.

Thanks for inspiring that one. Denise, that was Judith, wasn't it? Was that Judith's gear or Denise's gear? Well, but yeah, both of them. So, hey, we set up the top of the show. We've got all sorts of live shows. After a long time, it feels good to be getting out there, hitting the road. And by hitting the road, I mean Bridge Road on the way to the European Beer Cafe. Exactly.

And doing shows in Melbourne. So like you said at the top of the show, the first live show of the run is sold out. That is 27th of March. Yep. And that is the burger one. So guys, we've got tickets for that. If you want to come, we're making our own pop-up burger restaurant after the show if you want to come around the corner.

We're working on that at the moment. But the remaining three shows are not quite sold out but close to after we've released extra tickets. But more importantly, Adelaide. The big shockwaves is Adelaide sold out very quickly. So, we are putting on a second show that is going on sale today. That went on sale a little bit early for Patreon subscribers. So they will have nabbed a bunch of the tickets already.

But we are putting on a second show at 3 o'clock. And that is on the date of March the 6th. Exactly. And that is at 3 p.m. It's an earlier show. It goes back to back with the sold out show that is on straight afterwards. So if you want to come to that, go to littletumtumclub.com straight away. Get those tickets.

That is sure. Weirdly, in this new weird world, that's sure to sell out. A second show in Adelaide. Yeah. Who would have thought? Absolutely bizarre. You know what? All this last year, the craziness of 2020

yeah if that's what we had to go through to finally shift some god damn units in Adelaide I'm gonna say it was worth it all yeah it was worth a few months in the house

yeah just to be able to get out there yeah and not lose our fucking marbles every time we have to go to Adelaide that's it um

very much looking forward to going as I've said before on the show you've made a few little trips I haven't made any trips so I'm I'm busting it on to going. As I've said before on the show, you've made a few little trips. I haven't made any trips. So I'm busting it on a plane and experience a different number on the front of the postcode. Yeah. You must be frothing to fuck around, get into the airport, almost miss your flight, get on the wrong bus going into the city, leave your luggage on the bus.

Yes. I can't argue against any of this. Can't wait for all of it. God, I've missed this. No standby. I've bought a proper ticket. Yes, I'm a big boy. I've thought, you know what?

I need to take one of the elements of risk away. So I'm happy to do that. Yeah. But looking forward to... Speaking about the pop-up burger restaurant, which is Planet Westgate, the Planet Westgate pop-up. The Melbourne branch.

Melbourne. Finally franchised. Finally, the boys in Melbourne have struck a deal with the big wigs over at Copenhagen. Coast of Moody. Coast of Moody. I have been doing a little bit of research. I think I talked about this the other week. I joined the adelaide this adelaide listeners texted me a link to an adelaide facebook group

of all the burger restaurants like people going oh where's the best burger in adelaide and i was like oh this will be oh i guess i'll join this i'll have a bit of a look man i love it it's good i'm doing some full research i'm trying to figure out i'll probably only have one meal while i'm in adelaide yeah what time do you get in i get in just before the show great yeah perfect yeah so i won't have time to have lunch it'll be the dinner it'll be after the two shows i'll need some dinner so i've been watching a bit of fighting going on in the adelaide burger facebook group and weighing in despite having no knowledge of course course. Yep. You. Yeah. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Carl. Yeah. Yeah. Can I say, I think this is, I think this is a bit of a waste of time because you're doing two shows back to back. Then you're going to stick around, mix it up with the fans. Yeah.

By the time you're going wherever you go for dinner, you're going to be so fuck-eyed that it's not going to make a difference what you put into your body. You're going to wake up Sunday morning on that plane with, I am tipping, absolutely no recollection whatsoever of what you ate the night before. So to kind of like get excited about having this quality meal, it's a waste of time here. It's a waste of time here. It's a waste of time there.

That's a good point. You know what? Maybe once I hit the tarmac, maybe I get the food delivered to the gig. Because, yeah, look, now that you're saying that, we start the show at 3 o'clock. Yeah. I'm getting off the plane, coming straight there basically.

Not a lot of time to eat or anything. Then I'm doing two shows. Having a little bit to drink. It's not looking good. No, you need to get someone. If this place delivers, you need to do that. Or you need to get someone to bring it for you or whatever. Where's the place that you want to go?

Is it near the venue? Not particularly. There's a couple of places. Ad fucking Handorf or somewhere? I don't know Adelaide very well. I don't know Adelaide very well. I don't know Adelaide very well. Handorf's like the little weird German town up in the hills. I think it's like a 45-minute drive.

I think the place they're recommending is Halls Gap McDonald's, I think. Is that close? Yeah. Hanging Rock KFC. Yeah. All right. Maybe that's the plan. Maybe if I – what if I can get a Dum Dum Club Uber Eats delivery driver?

I'll pay someone to bring it to the show when they get to the show. I can hire a delivery driver for the day. They can go out to the number one burger joint in Adelaide. They can pick me up some food. I'm hearing you talk about how you're not even going to have time to swing past a burger joint. Fuck, I'm on the edge now. No, but the good thing is... This fucking flight and this show.

It's a confirmed flight. It's not standby. It's an absolute monty. Things can still go wrong. It's exciting. What time do you land? I think it's... Let me have a look.

All right, I'm checking this now. I did look at it the other day. I can't remember whether I land at midday or I leave at midday. Let's see. Adelaide, itinerary. Oh, I land at midday. Oh, okay. 12 midday.

Yeah, okay, that's all right. Well, you can do that. You can just go straight to the burger joint, grab a takeaway, and then bring it to the venue. Yeah. I need to dump my stuff at the hotel, don't I? Probably. I'll figure it out. That's enough time to... Fuck all right, Imelda Marcos. How much stuff have you dump my stuff at the hotel don't i probably i'll figure it out that's enough time to to fuck all right amelda marcos yeah stuff you gotta do well the biggest thing

you travel with is a suitcase full of merch you're right at the show anyway fuck you're right actually all right maybe i don't need to do that maybe i don't need boy really that's been a long time for you yeah all right all right so it's doable it's doable all right good good well that's good that's a good that's a good we've solved the problem yeah great but yeah still happy to have someone out there get me no you know what no fuck actually now i'm just gonna have someone fucking ejaculating my burger for me so yeah i don't need that yeah i'm happy to have someone i'm there on the friday night if someone wants to just like deliver a cup of cum to my hotel room, feel free.

Right, right. Well, you can come and lunch with me on the Saturday. Oh, no, we're saving it for Perth, aren't we? What? Well, I was going to say like this is now the first like interstate thing we've done in a while. So would this be the LLP mosquito challenge? But I think we've got to sit on that for Perth.

Yeah, Perth. In fairness. That's a Perth idea. That's unfair to the WA listeners. They've been excitedly waiting for this. Also, the Adelaide thing, the idea with Perth is I'm going to hang out for a couple of days there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. By the sound of it, I'm not even making it to the Adelaide Hotel by the sound of it.

It'll be me. I might be auditioning for a replacement RLP Mosquito. Yeah. It'll be like one of those showbiz things. If you miss the flight, I'm just not going to say anything about it. Right. I'm going to find someone on the street and they'll be... Playing the part of.

Yeah, but I won't even do that. There'll just be rumours. It's like, I reckon something's happened to Carl and I just replaced him on the podcast. Right. If you look at photos, this guy doesn't, this guy, this Aboriginal man in hot pants and gumboots actually doesn't look anything like Carl on the poster from The Kick. Well, I hope people notice the difference. Because there would presumably, you know, with any podcast, there's people who just

listen who've never gone out of their way to look up. Yeah. And there would be, I reckon there would be at least, if I got someone that sounded vaguely similar, I reckon you could pull the wool over at least a couple of people. Because we used to get that a lot. Like partners and stuff that don't. We used to get that a lot, didn't we, in the early days when people would take quite a while to figure out, to find out what we look like. But we don't get that as much anymore.

No. We get a lot of people going, oh, no, I thought fucking this or whatever. Well, it's because our faces have become so ubiquitous with all the TV opportunities we get off the back of this thing. And since they built that podcasting Mount Rushmore on the outskirts of Melbourne. Who else is on that again? Will. Yep.

That's an easy one. Yep. Me and you. Yep. Will like three times to represent how many podcasts he has. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me and you are like a bunk statue on top of each other on the end. We're a little totem.

Yeah. And then there's three Wills. Yeah. And Adnan Syed. Who's that? The guy from Serial. Oh, okay. This is the Australian Mount Rushmore.

Oh, the Australian, okay. This is here. Yeah. Yeah, that'll do Three Wills and me and you on top of each other The Girl from Teach's Pet Okay Is that still a thing?

It's a, you know, popular one Is it? Does it still go? You gotta have a true crime, you know It's gotta be in there somewhere It's gotta be represented in there somewhere Okay Hey, speaking of podcasts We have one

And we have Patreon for ours Oh, wow Yeah Sweet segue We've also, wow. Yeah. Sweet segue. We've also – I mean, yeah, let's not put the cart before the horse. We've got the Patreon, but we've also got – a lot of people don't know this, but we've got the free feed of the Little Dumb Dumb Club, which you can find on iTunes.

Right, right, right. So if you close this down and open up your podcast app of choice and search the Little Dumb D Dum Club with Tommy and Carl. Yeah. And look, I think this week's one would be a good one to recommend. Yeah. Yeah. Nick Cody and Luke Heggy, I think.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Try that one. Yeah. And then hang around at the end for Talking Dum Dum. We do another separate bit at the end of it. Another free bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it's like if you like the first bit, the bit at the end is a bit looser and it doesn't have guests, but we just sort of muck around what's happened on the app, have some other extra ideas. Yeah. And then we also talk about the Patreon subscribers. Yes. That sign up. They do, you mean.

They do, yeah. Yeah. And we could actually do a bit of a preview of that now. We could give an example of what happens on that episode, actually. Oh, yeah. We can do a bit of an impression of that now. We could give an example of what happens on that episode actually. Oh yeah, we can do a bit of an impression of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go to Patreon! Let's do, let's try

and reenact what they do on that episode right now. Oh, okay, sure. Let's try and do, let's try and remember. You've heard the episode, haven't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just listened to it before you got here. You were running a bit late and I was like, oh, this is perfect. This is what I can do to build time. Well, I was listening on the way in. I was on the, yeah. Yeah, you're great. Okay, well, let's have a crack. I just listened to it before you got here. Let's have a crack at doing that. You were running a bit late and I was like, oh, this is perfect. This is what I can do to build time. Well, I was listening on the way in.

I was on the tram listing. Yeah, you're quite finished, so you just stayed on for a few stops. Yeah, yeah, getting a few funny looks as I was laughing. Oh, mate. I was laughing on the podcast. Mate, last week, listening to the one they did with Cam James and Ray Badron, people thought I was a fucking psycho on the bus. I know.

People thought that of me today. They actually walked up, they tapped me on the shoulder and went, why are you laughing? I've never seen anyone do something like this before. What's wrong with you? And I was like, listen to this. And I gave them an earbud and all of a sudden they were like, oh my God. And they were absolutely cacking their dacks.

Same thing happened. I was on the bus. That person tapped me on the shoulder and I was like, sorry, dad. Nice. Very good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good name for a festival show.

Sorry, dad. Yeah. So, all right, let's have a crack at this. So every week on the Talking Dumb Dumb, on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, if you want to look that up, if we can sort of give a bit of a plug. Friends of the show.

Yep. They... I'm going to have to try and figure out what we're doing here. Friends of the show, the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Yeah. Which asks the question, what is this show? But anyway, so... Right. So they have patreon.com slash Little Dumb Dumb Club

where they give out all these bonus episodes if you subscribe in there. And then, of course, they read out your name. There's a big chance they'll read out your name. They'll get to your name eventually. And they have a thing called the UTA, the Unplanned Title Alternator, which they obviously, I mean, I guess I probably

don't even need to explain this to new people, but they have a very expensive piece of machinery that ensures that the names are absolutely random and not read out in some sort of order in which they subscribe or anything absurd and unfair like that. Yeah, you've got to have a piece of machinery like that to make sure you're not doing something so stupid. Wait, so UTA stands for Unplanned Title Alternator.

Oh, I thought it's standard. I thought it stood for Urinary Tract Alternator. No, I don't believe that that is. Oh, hang on. Man, you are right, actually. I've never actually looked at that before. I just assumed. Its primary function is it alternates urinary tracts.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's also like a little hidden bit of code in it where you can get it to randomly spit out names. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah there's also like a little hidden bit of code in it where you can get it to randomly spit out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just a side fun. I didn't... Now I understand why it's so expensive. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It doesn't have one feature. It has multiple features. Wow. Man, this is completely... It's like a Swiss army knife. Yeah, it's been completely underused all these years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can't wait to use the other...

Can't wait to piss on it. Yeah. Can't wait to get this fucking show over and done with so I can use the full features by pissing into a computer yep great um all right let's let's do this uh number one cab off the rank this week i from what i remembered from the show today when i was listening to it i'm just trying to think put myself back onto the tram laughing a lot what were they saying as I was laughing? Oh, that's right. They were saying, thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Blake Stackpool.

Whoa. Yeah. I like it. Yeah, yeah. I liked it then and I like it now. Yep. Yep. A long-time subscriber.

Stackpool. Stackpool. S-T-A-C-P-O-O-L-E. This also reminds me of piss. Yeah. Why? A stacked pool. Yeah.

A pool full of piss. Why is it full of piss? Stack pool. People piss in a pool. Oh, right. I thought you meant... I've got piss on the brain now. Right, right.

Because the UTA thing and then I just was distracted because I was just thinking about my girlfriend had to go to a doctor's appointment today. Yeah, this will be good. Have you ever had to do this? She had to do the thing where she had to get up early. Piss on a stick and then it says yes, positive. And you're asking me what that means? Is your boyfriend a cuck?

Yes. No, she had to do the thing where you go in with like a completely full bladder. So she had to get up really early and just like fucking chug water. But then you're there and like you don't know exactly when you're going to be. So she's just in the waiting room going like fucking get me in. Yeah, right. Just dying. Right.

Have you ever had to do anything like that? Have you ever had to do any kind of piss-based test? No. I mean my wife asked me once about something but I, yeah. Your wife's a doctor? I didn't really understand what was going on. So yeah, my wife asked me once about something, but yeah. Your wife, the doctor? I didn't really understand what was going on, so yeah, I didn't do it. I reckon I would have told this way back at the very beginning of the podcast, because that's when it happened. And I certainly, I did stand up about it, I think, for a bit. I would have said it on

the show, but I had to do, about 10 years ago, I had to do a similar test. But mine was I got given this huge jug, like this huge plastic bottle, that for like 48 hours, every time I pissed, I had to piss into this jug. I do remember that, actually. I don't remember much, but I do remember that. It's disgusting. You've just got to keep it around the house with you. And then I was telling someone this story the other day, and I do not know why I did this,

but when it came time to take it into the hospital, like back to the doctor, like full, I got the tram. Rather than, like, I was like, oh, I guess I, well, I guess what else was I meant to do? I'm like, no, I had my license. I had a car. So I just took it in, like, a canvas bag on the tram, and, you know, the tram's, like, stopping really abruptly, and I can just took it in like a canvas bag on the tram.

And, you know, the tram's like stopping really abruptly. And I can just hear it in this big jug like just like sloshing around. Thus enriching the rich reputation of the Melbourne tram of fucking the nutcases that travel on it. Exactly. Just me with a big jug of piss. Man with jug of piss on tram. Yeah. And I think from memory, I think I got a fine for not having a piss. Yeah, man with jug of piss on tram. Yeah. And I think from memory,

I think I got a fine for not having a ticket when I was on the tram. Oh, wow. Just the inspector looking down and it's just like this huge yellow jug at my feet. Yeah. I'm surprised they fucked with you with that.

You could have just pulled that up and gone, man, come on. I've got a jug full of piss. Oh, I just open it up and pour it over myself. Tiananmen Square style. over myself Tiananmen Square style is that is that Tiananmen Square style no which is the one

it's the other one which is the one the rage against the machine cover yeah yeah yeah the ultimate rage against the machine yeah yeah yeah covering yourself in piss

on a trail and then trying to light it for some reason yep yep great um Blake Stackpole I thought you I thought there was going to be some new thing where I'm going to learn I don't know, for some reason. Yep, yep. Great.

Blake's stack pool, I thought there was going to be some new thing where I'm going to learn that stack means piss. I was excited there for a second. But stack pool just means like accidentally falling into a pool maybe, doesn't it? Is that what Blake's ancestors were known as doing? Falling into a pool? Well, maybe they you know maybe they were the catalyst for you know the sign of like no the rule of like no running around a pool yeah

do you remember being a kid and seeing that i could never quite remember being little and being like why oh really it's fun yeah no i think i think i learned early on that there were puddles near pools. I was an early adapter of that concept. But Blake Stackpool, maybe his ancestors were named after that for falling into a pool because that was, as we've talked about on the show before, a lot of people were named after the occupation they had. Maybe there was just too many people that were like, we can call this bloke blake unemployed again like you know they don't have a job dancers don't have a job right we're gonna have to start naming them after just things

they've done things they've done in the last five minutes yep and just then he's like well what are you gonna go whoa yeah splash yeah okay okay. Fuck. It's interesting to think about a civilization that is still figuring out surnames, but has pools. Yep. And the slang term of Stack. They figured out the term Stack for falling over before they figured out surnames.

Before they figured out this cunt's surname. Yeah, great. That's great. All right, well, thanks, Blake. Thanks, Blake. Blake. All right, well, thanks, Blake. Thanks, Blake. Blake. I mean, yeah, I've always thought Blake's a bit of an odd name in itself. I like it.

Was there ever a... I just feel like there was never a need for the name Blake. I don't know. Is it a modern name or is it an old school name? I have no idea. I guess it's an old surname. Okay. I'll let it go.

Stackpole. Interesting. Thanks, Blake. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Adam Tregear. Tregear. T-R-E-G-E-A-R. Tregear? That's it, isn't it? Oh, yeah. Okay. Tregear.

Or maybe it's Tregear. TregeR. Tregear? That's it, isn't it? Oh, yeah, okay. Or Tregear. Tregear? Tregear. Or maybe it's Tregear. Tregear. Tregear. Tregear. What would you prefer? I don't care.

I hate it. Whoa. Not into it. Whoa. Why? Not into it. Why? You're like...

Sounds weird. You're like... Looks weird. You're like the opposite of fleety. This thing's got the word gear in it, and you want no part of it. Traguia. Traguia. Very gear.

Very gear. The French junkie. Very gear. Oui, oui. I would like some heroin. Putting E on the end of heroin. Heroin. Heroin.

How do you say heroin? Ne-heroine. Le-vein? Le-neroine? Trigia, very, very heroin. Adam, very heroin. Adam, very heroin. Fleety should change his name to that.

Very heroin. Now that is a good surname. Fleety in scarf mode at the moment at the Adelaide Fringe doing a play. One can only assume that this is just the run-up to the... He's hoping that the play has a lot of success, puts the name in the spotlight, and then the timing is right to finally release the narrowing sketch. Yes, and by scarf mode you mean he's not doing –

It's black and it's rubber. Yeah. And it's not worn around the neck. You get it? My forearms are very cold at the moment. Very chilly. Yeah. But just a very tiny little bit of it.

Just a little bit of it. Just a tiny little bit of it. Yeah. We did have a bit of correspondence with a listener the other day. Fletty's in Adelaide, sort of his spiritual home, and he's not doing stand-up so much as he's in scarf mode, which means he's doing serious plays. A little play, he's Thespowing it up over there.

Yeah, being a full Thespian. And we did have a bit of correspondence with, he'd put his toes back into the stand-up pool, the stand-up stack pool. Because it really is that easy. As everyone in Melbourne found out. You could just not do it for fucking a year. And then you just pick up right where you left off.

It's that easy. Well, especially someone so committed to his craft as group lead. Absolutely. Such a fastid craft as Greg Fleet. Absolutely. Such a fastidious notekeeper. Yeah. Someone who just walks on stage and just immediately says, so what else is going on? That is good.

There really needs to be one thing going on to start with before you ask what else is going on, in my opinion. But what do I know? I haven't been doing it as long as Greg Fleet. What would I know? Yeah. But we did have a little bit of correspondence where they'd seen him do a gig in Adelaide.

And look, I think they said that he came in after the halftime break and said that he may have been filming a new heroin sketch backstage. From all appearances, there might have been... Hang on. Hang on. We are in very tricky legal waters here. This person has said to us they were at this gig and allegedly after the half-time break...

They said. There's nothing legal. There was alleged... They suspect that there may have been a bit of... A filming of a sketch backstage is what I I'm saying, of an era on. He was in full character mode after halftime. Yeah, I mean, if Daniel Day-Lewis was filming There Will Be Blood in the green room of a stand-up gig, he's gone back out on stage.

Of course he's still got the Daniel Plainview makeup on. Of course he's covered in oil. If Daniel Day-Lewis was filming my left arm backstage at the Rhino Room and he had it come out, that's what would have happened. Pretty good. Yeah, so Narrow On, Narrow On, there's a chance that he could be still filming new versions of it. It might be a full – apparently it was part of a sketch show, the Narrowan, there's a chance that he could be still filming new versions of it. It might be a full, apparently it was part of a sketch show, the Narrowan.

Well, the Narrowan thing is from like, what, two years ago at least? Yeah, maybe. I think maybe even longer. I think it might be three years ago by this point or getting close to. Yeah, I wonder. He's gone full avalanches with the Narrowan sketch, hasn't he? Yeah, yeah. So, hopefully we'll avalanches with the narrow one sketch, hasn't he? Yeah, yeah. So hopefully we'll see the lighter day one, though.

Yeah. Can't wait. From the rushes that we saw, it was looking excellent. Yeah. Very convincing. Those dailies are very promising. It hadn't even been colour graded yet, but you could tell. Yeah, the sound wasn't amazing, but it was rough.

No, but again, they fix that in post. They have foley people come in and do all that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The sound wasn't amazing, but it was rough. but again, they fix that in post. Yes. They have like foley people come in and do all that. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks, Adam.

Very heroine. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much to the third cab off the rank this week. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber

Matthew Drennen. Drennen. D-R-E-N-E-N. Again. Drennen. Just another discovery of how people are getting around with these weird surnames that I've never heard of before. This name is very similar to the surname of a friend of ours who I think the only episode in Little Dumb Dumb Club history to end up fully in the bin. Yes.

Don't let that get back to him. But a friend of ours that did comedy, doesn't do comedy, hasn't done it for a long time. We recorded an episode with him in his house. Lovely man. Very funny. Very funny man. So we went to New York.

Yes. I didn't know him very well when he lived here, but he lived here and did stand-up, which is how you knew him. And I got along very well with him. Yeah. And then he'd moved back to America. He was living in New York. Yes. And we is how you knew him. Yes, and I got along very well with him. Yeah, and then he'd moved back to America. He was living in New York and we went and stayed with him. Yes.

Very generous to let us stay with him rent-free in Spanish Harlem. Yes. Excellent. Staying in a – sharing his spare room where, again, I didn't know him particularly well and we got there and he had done a thing where in the room we were staying in he had gone and he had printed out just dozens of photos of me yeah and put them all over the room alongside some hand lotion and punched up tissues

really funny stuff and that great thing of getting off like a long haul flight where it's night when we get there yeah and i'm immediately going to sleep in a room where I'm like, fuck, this guy's going to bum me in the middle of the night. And also, I think that must have been when we got off the plane, then got off the train, then got a taxi, and then I got into a fight with the taxi driver. In Harlem. In Harlem.

In Harlem, don't know where you are. You're like, we'll fucking get out and walk. I'm like, no, we won't. No, he didn't even do that. It was like just me abusing him the whole time. And then when we got out, he just says to me, yeah, man, I don't think I'd be talking like this to people in this neighborhood. It's good advice.

And I was like, oh, yeah, that's right. It's very good advice. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And it wasn't an official cab or anything. It was like one of those unlicensed black cabs or something where it's like, yeah, there was never any proof we were even in this city, I reckon. Yeah, doing that dumb thing of – it's so funny when you're in a city. If you're like being picked up from an airport or even just in Melbourne where you see the people come up and they're like, do you need a ride?

Yeah. And it's like, how fucked in the head have you got to be to say yes to this? Yeah, yeah. to ride yeah and it's like how fucked in the head have you got to be yeah to say yes to this yeah yeah you can you know if you if you don't need it as an option if you've got a bit of wherewithal it just sticks out as like the worst thing to do but then i think we've all been guilty of it somewhere in the world where you know you're you're not really on easy footing you're like yeah i'd love a ride from the airport i think it was us like late night yeah exactly travel the whole day like how the fuck do we get

to this place i don't know do you know no and then someone going want to ride yeah this is the answer to our problems pre-uber pre-smartphones i think like just not the ease of like yeah i'll just kind of look it up it's like yeah man just take me there yeah and then this guy just doing laps of like the the block that we needed to go to and me just getting fucking angrier and angrier it was pretty sensational because someone like a cab driver just taking you on a fucking you know round the world tour yeah in the cab yeah you the benefit they have is that they can go well this person doesn't know where they are yeah like you could do it quite effectively in the melbourne cbd you throw in a hook turn in there you're disoriented, so you're probably not going to notice. But it says a lot about how much this man was taking the piss. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That we locked on. I was like, I know New York better than you. It's like, this is the fifth time we've seen this corner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, easily the fifth time. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, that could have got us killed. But a very, very stern warning at the end of it.

But yeah, then we recorded an episode with the very funny Andrew Drennan. But then, fair to say, I think he was going through a few things at the time. And all of a sudden, it wasn't as fun. And we got to the end of the recording of an episode and then said to him later, Oh, yeah, that just didn't record properly. Slash, we put put in the bin yeah sorry mate yeah so uh for the real dum-dum club completists out there um sorry but you're just never gonna hear that one and you're gonna be pretty thankful for that i reckon wasn't there

a story with him where he had like he found out that someone his neighbour in that building was a painter and he had gotten them to come in and paint him nude. Oh, wasn't it? Some strange story like that where yeah, he was like, my neighbour's painting me nude and we're like, how'd this happen? He's like, I found out she was a painter and I just asked. Yeah, he was a great guy but he had some

fucking very different ideas of like how to make things happen in life. He was fun to hang out with yeah we had a good time he worked in uh fao schwartz which is of course the famous uh toy shop in the movie big where you where you stand on the play the big piano big piano yeah yeah he worked in there and then got out of comedy and sort of sort of lost it a little bit but great great guy after uh yeah didn't not long after we went home, because we were staying with him and his girlfriend,

and didn't they split up not long after we were there? Which, looking back on it now, perhaps having us in there could have been the catalyst for that. No, I think there was, yeah, look, that's surely part of it. But I think there was enough other stuff going on. Like, for example, what you've just said, the idea of going up to a random neighbor and go, come into my house and I'll take my clothes off and you can paint me. You can paint me.

I think that was a forbearer of other things that were going on. Yeah, yeah. Decisions. Shout out to him, though. Generous, very generous host. Exactly. And haven't heard from him for years and reconnected with him recently to see what he was up to. And he had a bit of a big sea change.

He's working with children and stuff like that. So probably good for him that he's not tethered to this show in any way. Absolutely. We've done him a favour long term by not putting that episode up. And going around and doing open mics in New York. Can you think of anything fucking worse? Also an excellent artist. Yeah.

Right now. Yeah. He's put some stuff on. I was like, fuck it now. Painting himself nude. Thanks, Matthew Drennan. Thanks, Drennan. A man that's nothing to do with the person we're describing.

No. But that's what you reminded us of. If you could be half the man he is, you'd be... Well, you wouldn't be that great. But if you could be the man Andrew Dinan is, you'd be good. You'd be good. You'd be good. You'd be a bit unbalanced, I think, at some stage.

Yeah, but who isn't? Yeah, but entertaining, funny, good artist. Yep. How's Guy? Had a free house to live in in New York. Yep. Let his friends stay in it for free. Yep.

Gave us an absolutely wonderful experience in New York with the base of a free apartment in New York for two weeks. Yep. It's fucking great. Some great food around there

in Spanish Harlem. It was awesome. There was one place in particular that I think I went to every morning for breakfast. it might have been

the same place I went to probably. Yep. Had the, what do you call them? Not the hash browns. What do you call the potato over there

when you put it on the grill? What's that called again? Like home fries? Home fries. Yep. That's it. Loved the potato over there when you put it on the grill? What's that called again? Like home fries? Home fries. Yeah. That's it. Love the home fries there.

Shout out to Spanish Harlem. Not so much fun to go home to at night, I would say. Not ideal. No. No. Both. Well, yeah. More so just for the distance that it was from everything you'd be doing.

Yeah. It's a bit'd be doing. Yeah. It's a bit of a hassle. Yeah. Did you... We didn't walk together, did we? We went to see Jim Gaffigan in actual Harlem, didn't we? Yes. I think that was a different trip, though.

Oh, was it? I have a feeling that that maybe wasn't that trip. I definitely walked from Drinan's house. I don't think I walked with you. You must have come from somewhere else. Okay, maybe that was the trip where I was meeting up with my then girlfriend over there. So I think maybe by then I'd left Drinan's and I was staying in an Airbnb. But that can't be right.

I wouldn't have just left her to go and see a comedy show. Yeah, I don't know. Anyway, thanks, Drinan. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Amber O'Rourke. O'Rourke. Hmm. Hmm. I like the name Amber.

Yeah, it's okay. It's all right. Yeah. I can live with it. What does O mean in their surname? What does it actually mean? Yeah. O apostrophe.

Yeah, apostrophe. Because O is short for something, isn't it? The or something like that, you know, or of maybe? Of, that would be it, wouldn't it? But then surely every name should have that because if it's, you know, it's Carl of Chandler. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like you're of the Chandler family.

So every name should have that. I reckon that's the answer. Maybe some names were just too fucking dumb to get the memo and phase it out when they were meant to. Yeah, maybe the word hadn't gone around and just one little community was like, no, this is how you do it. And then they went to the next town and was like,

what the fuck is this O at the start of your name? Don't you all do this? No. They need more. You know when they'll do like a National Geographic thing where they're like, look at this culture that we found that are just living remotely and they've just, you know, they've never gotten onto technology. They're just still living in like huts.

They've got this completely. There needs to be more things, but where it's just like, check out this fucked village where they never learned how to spell their own names correctly. It's like they've got technology. They're like, we can understand you. We speak English. It's like, yeah, get this old bullshit off your name, you fucking moron fucking moron yeah yeah i want to find one of those tribes in africa there's still

though you know every now and then they'll say like oh all the um deforestation of the amazoners mean that we've we're now cutting into this tribe that no one's ever yeah no one's ever talked to they've never seen the outside world yeah yeah i'm always like bullshit like, bullshit. Someone's got in there and talked to them. There's no one left like that in the world, I reckon. That's that remote that no one's ever come into contact with? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know, man. The Amazon's like pretty dense.

I don't know. Well, you think someone's just like gone on a little walk and just stumbled across them. Yeah, yeah. Something's happened, I reckon. Maybe. It's not a food truck like it's it's not like a it's not like an artisanal fucking pizza place down a laneway in melbourne

in a part of the world where no one's just like passing through well when they're people always like yeah like no one's ever touched this tribe before and it's like well you know of this tribe and you're telling me no one's ever like like, you know enough about this tribe. Makes me think the lady doth protest too much. Like, I'll believe it if they went, fuck me dead, guess what? We found a new tribe. No one's ever heard from them. I'd be like, yeah, cool.

No one has talked to them. But if you're telling me with conviction, no, I know that no one's ever, you seem a bit familiar. I reckon. Well, but that's, I mean, that's the story. They can't be like, look, there's no way for me to to know for sure i have to assume that no one's ever come into contact with them because i've never heard of it but then but look it would be remiss of me to be

here on my nature show telling you yeah 100 no one's ever come into but i've but i've seen it where they've said that they've gone no one's ever come into contact with them and here's a picture of them and it's like that can't look like he's looking into the camera to me. I reckon he's seen you. So he does know there's other people. Yeah. Maybe, I mean, maybe they're just, what they mean is they've never been outside of that. Like they've seen people from time to time.

Right. But it is, it is a strange impulse to be like, to come across that tribe and be like, wow, how amazing is this? They're just completely self-sufficient. They're here doing their own thing. Time to get in there and blow up their spot. Chuck them on the telly. It's like, just fuck off. Just leave them.

Let them fuck their own sisters and continue to breathe. Yeah. Looks great. Get me in there. Looks great. Get me in there. Yeah. And of course, we're not insinuating that Amber O'Rourke is doing exactly that, is part of that tribe.

I was. Okay. Well, she's part of the tribe then. I'm happy to get you. You sound like you know what you're talking about. I don't really have any history. She's part of the O'Rourke tribe. Deep in the Amazon.

Yep. Deep in the Amazon, Amber O'Rourke. Yeah. She's fucking- No contact to the outside world except for this podcast. Exactly. Right. Yeah. She's. Amber O'Rourke. Yeah. She's fucking... No contact to the outside world except for this podcast. Exactly. Right. Yeah.

She's fucking Tracy O'Rourke, her sister. That's all she knows of the outside. She's like hidden in this tribe in Africa. Yeah. The rest of the family have had no contact except an iPod's been dropped into the tribe by one of these reporters. It's come out of the helicopter she's picked it up listen to this show somehow subscribe to the show we're getting fucking petals or juju berries or something from her i believe no it's good they like they like listening to this because it makes them feel advanced right you know

what i mean we're still we're still doing everything with like fucking sharpened bits of wood but we're still doing better than these fucking guys who sound like they're not even fully walking upright yet. Yeah, so the O'Rourke tribe are actually thinking, wow, we found an even more remote tribe than us. Yes, so for them, it's like us seeing the photos in National Geographic. What was that really old one of? It's like a plane flying overhead of some like village or whatever

and they've like never seen a plane before and they're just like throwing shit at it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like that's, when she listens to this podcast, that's what it looks like. It's like that. Yeah. It's that photo. It's there.

Look how just. Amber's actually a bit worried that she's sending us money because she's thinking, is this going to affect, like, is it going to be Butterfly Winkler? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is this going to affect this primitive tribe? Should I really be messing with them? Yeah. Or should I just be letting them fuck each other?

But no, she listens and she's like, it's just amazing how untouched by civilization these two are. Yeah, yeah. But she is sending us money, so maybe she's thinking, maybe it's time to fucking kick it up a notch actually, boys. Like you need to go out there and, I don't know, buy some better clothes or some better food. Yeah, she thinks we're going to get, like, fresh drinking water or something like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, right. Put down the... This is for a well, Russ. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Okay. Great. All right.

All right. We'll put this towards a well. Thank you, Amber. Thanks, Amber. Thanks, Amber. Okay, let's... I have not eaten today. Me either.

I'm kicking right into the... It's food time for little Carly. Yeah. For little Curly. I need to finish this bout of intermittent fasting and eat some absolute dog shit. Cannot wait. So I'll just do one more.

I'm going to go to... I'm going to go get a little wrap. Fuck, I hope they're'm going to go to, I'm going to go get a little wrap. Fuck, I hope they're not sold out. Oh, I'm going to go get a burger. Where from? From,

uh, Easy's. Oh yeah. Yeah. I'm going to go sit in that train, I reckon. Yep. Um,

last one. Beautiful day for it. Fifth and last, it's a nice day, yeah. Uh, fifth and last one, for this week.

Uh, fifth cab off the rank, and final cab off the rank. You never get that, do you? Like when you see a cab down the street, that's the final cab off the rank. That's the last cab tonight. Yeah, when the cab's all gone to bed. They take them back to the depot. Or it's a cab with a nightcap on.

Okay, all right. It's the last cab off the rank. That'd be great. Just the driver leaning out the window. Last one, boys. With a big pair of eyes on the front of the cab and they're like half shut. I tell you what, that experience back in the day before Uber of trying to get home on a Saturday night after being absolutely on one in the city or even just like after a comedy festival,

if I had of like not been drinking just doing spots yeah trying to get home late cannot get a cab for love nor money fuck me that is a thing i'm glad i'll never have to do again yeah oh look i there's there's still a version of it which is now when i'm in a similar position you get on the uber app and it's like yeah it's 45 to get home like i'm not fucking paying that out of principle absolutely not yeah and so i'll just go trawling for a walk around the city looking for a cab so still it's still there for me but the cabs are a bit easier now because there's not that like huge influx of just literally it getting to yeah 1am and every

cunt in the city if you ever tried to get something from like that cab rank at Flinders Street. Yes. Jesus Christ. You've been there for like an hour. Yeah. No. No. I would never line up for a cab.

Thank you very much. Final cab off the rank this week. Patreon subscriber. Oh, okay. Right. Okay. This is a little bit similar to what we... To what?

Look, it's not super similar, but it's just a little bit similar to one we already had with that guy with a French name. This guy's sort of got a French name as well. Okay. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Bon Heroin Comedy. Bon Heroin Comedy.

Yeah, yeah. So it's like good heroin. Good heroin. Good heroin comedy. Or, you know, okay heroin comedy. Right. You know how bon means like good and okay as well at the same time, doesn't it? I didn't know that.

You know, people go, a legitimate conversation in French is like bon. Bon. Okay. Meaning, you good? Yeah, I'm good. Yeah. So good heroin. Notorious Francophile.

Asterix himself. That's me. Paris's own. All right, well, thanks, Bon Heroin Comedy. Thanks, Bon Heroin. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Get tickets to the Extra Adelaide show, the Melbourne shows, our solo shows. Get some merch.

It's all on there. Go to the site. Get onto Patreon. Patreon.com slash little dumb dumb club get the bonus episodes every week that we put out yeah hey interstate people you know um roll the dice come down to melbourne come and see these shows that are happening because we mightn't be going to wherever you're going for a little while so uh we have missed brisbane usually we're doing we've done brisbane by now but it's a little bit tricky at the moment. So we are looking at that later, later in the year, I guess, at some point.

But, you know, Sydney, Brisbane, feel free to come down and check us out, especially our solo shows. We'd love to see you guys, especially at the solo shows. Yep. Come check all that out. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. We'll see you next time. Thanks for listening.

See you, mates.