The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 544 - Nikki Britton & Sonia Di Iorio

Episode Date: March 3, 2021

This week we're joined by NIKKI BRITTON and SONIA DI IORIO for the podcasting equivalent of a beautiful hot-air balloon ride. Nikki once again breaks open her treasure trove of stories and we hear about her romantic interlude in the backseat of an SUV. Tommy gets grilled about what Little Tommy gets up to first thing in the morning, Sonia's got a time-sensitive bombshell for us, Chandler's been harassed by carnies on his way to the podcast and HEAPS more! It's a jam-packed and super fun episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Nikki Britton and Sonia D'Orio. We have a couple of things to let you know about. First of all, this weekend, Saturday, March the 6th, we are in Adelaide. We have a second show on sale because the first one sold out so quickly. 3pm at the Rhino Room with a big special guest joining us. That's it, let's talk about that. In talking dumb dumb at the end of the ep, I guess we're flying in. Better be worth the money.

Anyway, after that, Melbourne, we are finally hitting your shores. We've got four live podcasts. Some of them are sold out. 27th of March, 3rd of April, 10th of April, 17th of April. Check out what's sold out and what's not. They're all very close to, if not sold out. And then we've got solo shows as well, Tommy. Yes, my solo show, Tommy Dasolo Meatball, starts March the 30th, six nights, 7.30pm

at the Cooper's Inn. It's a complete list of the fuck-ups of my embarrassing little life over the last couple of years. Come down. It's looking great. It's going to be super fun. Great. And then my show, Please Call Me Carl comedy was my father it is uh it starts the 5th of april it is on for about i don't know about 15 nights or something like that a couple of them are afterlife podcasts so hang around and see one of them if you're coming to that it's at the imperial hotel a few of them at the european beer cafe heaps and heaps of all the newest jokes 140 150 jokes plus a lot of my uh my infamous crowd work slash meltdowns. littledumbdumbclub.com is where you can find all of that stuff.

We'll talk to you more in the end of the episode in Talking Dumb Dumb, but until then, enjoy this new episode with Nicky Britton and Sonia D'Orio. It's a good one. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and with me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, Dickhead. Joining us today, we have two special guests.

Please welcome into the Little Dum Dum Club, Nikki Britton and Sonia Diorio. Yeah. Welcome to the biggest podcast in the Southern Hemisphere, guys. Over a million downloads, guys. Can you believe it? It's just like McDonald's. We're like McDonald's of podcasting. Over a million satisfied customers. Yep, yep.

We have started, Nikki, by the way. Yeah, great. All right. I'll tidy things up then. Commonly asked question before we start a podcast is the guests always say, have we started yet? Just as they've thrown out their last racial epithet. And we're like, we go, don't worry, Nikki, we don't have to edit this out.

Yeah. Yeah. You're clear. Unless you start doing it now, then we have to do some work. I never did. I'm the exit. Yeah. Well, welcome in.

Welcome in, guys. Hey, I'll say this just at the top on the way here. I went for an early morning walk with my very young daughter this morning. How early? 8.30. Oh, okay, that's okay. Thanks for asking. Sure.

If you said 6.00. No, yeah. No, I woke my baby up. You need to get your steps in. I don't know a lot about babies, but I know they wake up early. Yes. Ours is not too bad, but yeah, 8.30 is not a bad little one. So I went for a walk with her.

Now, I saw some people up early as well. We've got an oval over the road from our house. Oh, you weren't the only one. Yeah. Some other fuckheads are up at 8.30 on Saturday. It's not just me and fuckheads in a hot air balloon. It's other people. What is that?

Why do people have to get up so early to do that? It's good, though, to have like a universal marker of like, fuck, I'm up early. Yeah. If you see them in the sky, you're like, well, I can really feel good about getting the maximum amount of data. Man, they get up at like 5 a.m. or something. Oh, I think they take off at 5 a.m. Yeah.

They have to like. Yeah. Yeah, that's fun. I feel pretty confident. I got up early. How early or something. Oh, I think they take off at 5am. They have to like... Yeah, that's fun. I feel pretty confident. I got up early. How early? Hot air balloon. I feel pretty confident saying I'll never do that. I'll never do a hot air balloon.

Well, there's two reasons not to. The time and what it is. Oh, yeah. If they went up at midday, I'd be right into it. There's not a lot of things I'd do at 5am. I mean, like having to get up. Coming home, that's a different story. I'd do anything at 5am.

That's the irony is that you're paying so much to be up there, but then the time that you're getting up, it's like getting a Jetstar flight, you know, when you're younger and booking flights where you're like, you know what, I'm happy to save $20. I'll just get up at quarter to four in order to get to the airport. So it's that same- And wait and be delayed for several hours.

Yeah. So it's that same mentality, but you're paying more than a Jetstar flight, I assume, for a hot air balloon. Hundreds of dollars. I went on a hot air balloon once in Queensland by myself. Took myself on a little date, didn't I? Fuck yeah. By yourself?

Did you have to steer it? No, no. Someone else was in it. Oh, and that's not by yourself? There was actually another family in it as well. There was me

and then a family. What do you mean by yourself? What do you think that means? Usually people go with friends for a date. To propose. It's more a romantic situation,

isn't it? I thought you were trying to tell me you went all up style and just jumped in a basket and a few balloons and put yourself up there. That's all. Just honking on that helium. So hang on, we've got the hot air balloon operator. Then we've got a family.

Small family, yeah. Then we've got you photobombing in the background. Essentially. Solo excursion. Crying as well. Okay. And not because of the loneliness. It was because of the beauty of the area.

Oh, really? Tears of joy. A bit of both, to be honest. Yeah, tears of joy. It was just, yeah, it's a pretty small basket when that much is going on. And so what did the family make of, because presumably if you book something like that, you're like, this will be great, just us up there. And then you've got this like random woman just crying in the corner of the basket with you.

Being that high up in the sky, like being in a plane and someone crying would be enough for me. I'd be like, no thanks. This is not good. What's this about? What do you know that I don't know? Yeah, it was, well, they didn't, we couldn't really communicate because I didn't speak their language and they didn't speak English and I was, yeah, that made things even worse.

Oh God, they must have felt so sorry for you. They must have been teeing off about you in the native tongue. She's been stood up. What a loser. She can't even speak our language. As I looked over the edge, they were probably like, she's going to do it. She's going to do it.

Get out. We'll go higher without her. I wonder if people have done it that way, instead of just doing the bridge way. I wonder if people jumped out of a hot air balloon. It's very peaceful up there. It's so peaceful. Don't give people ideas, Carl. Yeah, and it's like you have to be up so early

that then after you've done it, you've got the rest of the day free. Don't you feel good? Look at everything you've accomplished before 8am. Oh, man. That's it. But how much did this horrible experience cost? Well I had a literal red balloon gift voucher I was going to say

You need to pay for this This is a present You're going to do it It's one of those It's like a foot spa You don't buy it for yourself You get given it That's exactly right

So I did that And I think they were like You know maybe you'll meet someone In a balloon I think they were hoping I you know, maybe you'll meet someone. In a balloon. I think they were hoping I'd meet someone before the balloon trip and then they could, you know, you could enjoy this beautiful romantic. Not that you were going to hook up with that whole family.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. With the operator. Imagine how much action the operator gets. You get up there, there's less oxygen. You get emotional. How about you bend over the side of this wicker basket and we go for it guys That's like the dodgiest guy Family close your eyes

Kids turn your heads That's the dodgiest guy The dodgy hot air balloon operator Is like mate once the women get up there There's fucking less oxygen I don't know Their standards are dropping We're basically on a date

Do you remember what the operator was like? Yeah, we're basically on a date already. Do you remember what the operator was like? Look, it was far north Queensland as well. So he was kind of a classic Australian man who had not, like just pretty much just given up on consonants. Okay. So it's like, you know, that kind of thing. And bless his sweetheart.

That's awesome because it's like, to me, the hot air balloon is such a bougie excursion, but then you've got basically a carny up there operating. Essentially, yeah. So this is what leads me into what I was about to say. Oh, hell yeah. So at the Oval today, I get out there. What a workaround.

I get out there. I get out there. Carl sucked off the Gravitron operator on his walk this morning. No, seriously. So I'm there with my little child, little blanket. And so we're running around the oval or whatever. But the thing is, you know, once someone else comes into play, she gets a bit shy and whatever.

So that's what happens. We go into the oval. We figure we can run around. We've got the ball, whatever. She gets a bit worried because there's other people on the oval. Now, what it is, I look at these three guys and I kind of think, look, you know, maybe it's a bit rough for me to say this, but if someone said to me, what do those three people do for a living?

I would go, they are absolutely carnies. Oh, yes. Now, this is a rare sighting, I reckon. Three carnies. Do they have a tightrope between trees? No, no, no. No, but here's the next thing. Good fun.

Sickening. But here's the next thing. Good fun. Sickening. But here's the next thing. So three carnies, in my opinion, in my humble opinion, not that it's a bad thing or whatever, but if you saw those three people, you would go carnies. Can we guess what they were about the appearance? Yeah, sure. Okay. Yep.

Moustaches. Yeah, two out of three. Okay. Bit of mullet work? Yes. One. I would say one mullet, out of three. Okay. Bit of mullet work? Yes. One, I would say one mullet, one long hair. Okay. What's the sleeve situation?

Oh, there was some very odd. Waistcoat. Was there a waistcoat? Oh. There might have been one. Yeah. What era of carny? Yeah. At the park with PT Barney.

They were time-travelling carnies. No, no. It was a very miscellaneous. were time-travelling carnies. No, no. It was very miscellaneous. This is almost what made them carnies. The clothes they were wearing were just like three people from three different timeframes. Right, right, right. All over the joint. Three different approaches to the brief of carny.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No shoes? No, there was... Oh, I didn't look, but there were shoes. Yeah, but certainly their demeanour stood them out. They were like... does this sound weird? They were having too much fun as adults at 8.30 in the morning to be normal people.

Yeah, okay. What were they doing in the park? This is what I was going to ask you. This is carny or drama club. Yeah, this is what I was going to ask you. So if I say to you, I'm seeing three carnies on an oval, 8.30 in the morning in the year 2021. What are they doing?

What are they doing on an oval? What are they engaging in? What's the thing they're choosing to do at that time in the morning? Yeah, I feel sorry for them because this year has been real, real hard on the carnies. There's been no, you know. I think every year has, though. But we talked about this recently.

Since things have sort of slightly started reopening, I've seen on my travels a carnival setting up and I've seen the circus setting up. Those two things came back way quicker than I would have imagined, almost instantly. A thing that I would have thought would have been one of the last things to come back, being in an unventilated tent. I would have said instantly, a thing that I would have thought would have been one of the last things to come back, being in an unventilated tent.

I would have said their community is probably the least worried about the tent situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, sure. Just cram 20 elephants in the same tent. Yeah, I mean, look, their social distancing in their little clown cars has been horrible for years. Yes, yes, yes, yes. So what do you think three carnies are doing together?

I kind of think three carnies, I think it's perfect behaviour for them in 2021. This is what you observed and you're wanting us to try and guess what you observed. Yes, yes. Once I saw it, I was like, of course this is what you should be doing. Okay. I don't know. That walking across the tree. No, I'm not saying they're working.

I'm not saying they're practicing their job or anything like this. I'm just, this is just what they would. So they weren't running dodge them cars. No, no, no, no. They weren't sticking their head in the lion's mouth or anything like that. They weren't gassing up the little clowns that turn their heads to left and right. They weren't forcing a woman to grow a beard or anything like that. They were just, this is their time off.

Okay. So what leisure time, Saturday morning, 8.30am, what are the carnies doing to unwind? Yes. Ice? Absolutely. Good question. Good answer, I mean, but not on an oval.

No, not at 8.30am. I'm sure that's after lunch, maybe, at least. Yeah. Or maybe a brunch thing. But what's so – Fire twirling? No, no, no. Yeah, so when you say – when we're talking carny,

like what avenue of the carnival are we talking about? Are we talking of like – are they acrobatic performers? No, no, no. Or are they simply operating the rides? These guys are doing maintenance on a mad mouse at some point. Okay, right, right. They're not performers. Right. These guys are doing maintenance on a mad mouse at some point. They're not performers. These are the guys that are waiting underneath some sort of roller coaster

and picking up the 50 cent pieces underneath and then going, nah, mate, nothing fell down here. The below the line carnies. Yeah. The ones that get it all to happen. What are they doing to unwind? What's there? What are they kicking back?

What are they having? They're having a lot of fun. They're having a lot of fun. They're having a lot of fun. You know what? If I think about the way that I had the most fun in my life, it was with a parachute at primary school. Were they three of them around a little parachute situation, just throwing it up and down?

Oh, like a mini, like a little toy soldier throwing it up and down. No, you know when you get the big fabric? Yeah, the like circle of fabric. Yeah, and you kind of like hoist it up and then you run underneath it. No, no, no, not quite that. Okay, you look like you've never done that before. You look like you've never even heard of it before. I'm trying to rack my memory to think, have I seen that before?

Maybe. I think we've cracked into something here about the lack of pleasure you have in your life and maybe you need to have a parachute. You need more of a parachute. I have a lot of fun but not whatever the fuck that is.

I will look at surveillance cameras in Thailand. That's my thing. Yeah, okay. Well, yep. Each to their own. The cruel childhood

of Carl Chan when he's done masks that he was locked under the stairs for the first 15 years of his life. What's that word? Toys?

What? Yeah. No. Okay, they weren't parachuting. Yeah, what can I get? Like I said, these are guys, I reckon, in their 30s at least. Exercise? Or possibly 18-year-olds that have done it very hard in their occupation.

What's a better game show, by the way? Hacky sack. No, that's more like work. This is their time off. Time off? Hacky sack's work? Yeah, you're right. What's a better game show, by the way? Hacky Sack. No, that's more like work. This is their time off. Time off. Hacky Sack's work. Yeah, you're right. What's a better game show, by the way?

What were the carnies doing? Or what's the weather? Yeah, yeah. I'll say this. Carnies in 2021. What are they doing? 2021. Sewing masks.

No. Oh, sorry. I got too excited. I didn't know. Sewing masks. 2021. Sanitizing the hands. Something modern.

Or it's something coronavirus. They were making out. I like that angle. It's 2021. Let's all kiss. We're all men. This is fine. Three-way making out.

I'll give you one final guess. Protesting. By themselves in the middle of the night. They're protesting you. Get the word out. You've got to get the word out. Get off your phone. No dads in the park

Yeah No cunts that haven't heard of parachuting Yeah Alright Reveal Yes Or clue Or if you

Clue You're out of clues I gave it a clue 2021 I gave it a clue Okay Fucking with a drone Okay

I think of course Yeah Don't you think Yeah Yeah Sure Yeah Now they're like in their 30s, maybe touching 40s,

running around like 12-year-olds going, oh, fuck yeah! There's these drones going around. It lands. They're running after. Literally, literally at one point, these two carnies, it lands across the oval, and they both run like children to go and get it mid-run decide to hug each other

and high five that's so excited it was like and that's why i'm like i'm not i'm not like i don't mean to go car fuck coney so like no they just literally can't that's their job it's clearly their job and they were so right in we're pro carney on this podcast they make the world go i mean we may have been bagging them out for the last 20 minutes. I'm not bagging them. I'm just saying that's what they do. It's like people say to us, oh, fucking podcasters. Same deal.

Same deal. So, but the thing that got me was, so they're doing that. I'm there with my child. And my child is in the habit at the moment of when planes go by, she stops and just looks at the plane and goes, goes off about the, bye, bye,

bye. It just waves at a plane. So she sees the drone fucking around and I'm like, oh, this will be good. Like, you know, but they're then on purpose.

They see my child and they're like, oh, she'll love this. So they start flying the drone at her. Sick. Yeah. So the drone's coming over way too close to us, way too low. And she're like, oh, she'll love this. So they start flying the drone at her. Sick. Yeah. So the drone's coming over way too close to us, way too low. And they're sort of like, oh, this will be good.

Also usually used for surveillance. And like, this feels gross to be perving on a kid. You guys have played this all beautifully. Because then they get really close. The drone's getting really close. And I'm like with little Blanket going, oh, this is nice, isn't it? And she's sort of like, well, it was. was but yeah this is getting a bit weird yeah what's her is this like north by northwest style she's just like making a run for it she's not she at one

point was fascinated until they zeroed in on it so then of course yeah they get close to us and the guy thinking he in a tone where he thinks he's saying the right thing and doing the right thing goes yeah we've usually we've got a camera in this fucking thing. Nice. But the card's not in it. Otherwise, we could be taking heaps of pictures of your baby right now. Oh, very nice. Very nice.

That makes me feel better. No worries. Very, very nice. Yeah, get heaps. Just, you know, take a whole album of my two-year-old daughter. Great. Yeah. If you let us take some pictures, we'll give you a freebie on the Gravitron, mate.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just started so well. Loved those carnies, running and hugging and high-fiving. Oh, gross. I like that you're like, hey, look, no disrespect to carnies out there. We're not trying to say that there's anything wrong with being a carny. Anyway, these guys almost definitely pedophiles. No, I'm just, there's not, if you go back and listen,

there's not one opinion put in there. Literally just what they did. The bare facts. What I'd love if they were true carnies is off the bottom of the drone, they were hanging one of those like cutouts. So there was characters and you could poke your head through it. Oh, yes. And so like your daughter became a lion or like a lady at the beach

or something. And then they were basically just taking their art form out to the streets, allowing people to enjoy that carnival atmosphere. Or they encouraged my daughter to stick a ping pong ball into the drone and maybe she can win a prize. It's some kind of grift. They're flying it around and if you can hit it, you win a teddy bear. If you can knock down a $2,000 drone from the sky, you get a prize.

But there's like a fan pointing out from the drone, so the ball can never get close. There's got to be some kind of element where it's impossible to win. Yeah, because they're dodgy. Because they're dodgy and they're pedophiles. No, I didn't say any of that. Respect the art of the grip. This is how we find out our audience is exclusively Coyote.

What was your response? Did you say anything? Or did you just fucking leave? No, I was like, cool. That was it. Like, what do you do? Good on you, boys. Because they're saying they're not doing it. Like, that's the thing.

If they said, we're doing this right now, I'm like, fuck off. But they're like, hey, sorry, but usually we've got the card and we could be taking pictures right now. Like, that's a shame. So they thought they were doing you a service, like suggesting, like, you would want the photos of us. Yes. I mean that we would take.

And what would you as a parent? Because that's the thing. It's not like it's a Polaroid drone where we get a copy of it. Yeah, that's true. So what would have been the process afterwards? You'd exchange email addresses, stay in touch. I don't think there was a lot of thought put into it. They'd send you some files.

Any of it. Go to their wedding one day. Go to their second wedding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go to their three their second wedding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go to their three-way wedding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We love carnies. A Polaroid drone is such a mad idea.

Yeah. Like you're in the street. Yeah, that is cool. This thing flies overhead and then all of a sudden this photo just drops from the sky. Yeah. That's a picture of you. Yeah. But as a parent, if it had have gone the other way where they're like, they're obviously

taking photos of your kid. Yeah. With this drone. What are you doing in that? Are you absolutely lighting them up? I mean, if they were saying, we are taking pictures. That's the only way I would know. Again, it was like a Polaroid and it's like flying around and flashing and clicking and the thing's falling out.

The picture's falling out. What do you do? Not much, I don't think. That's true. Unless I started like, I'm in the middle of an oval, there's no rocks or anything. You know, I'd love to throw a rock at a drone and bring it down, awesome. I thought you were going to say you'd love to throw a rock at a carny. Yeah, I know. No, but I mean, you wouldn't want to take on a carny, though.

That's the next thing. Yeah, that's right. I don't mind yelling at someone on a tram, someone like, I can take this person down. An old lady. Yeah, totally. I can take this person. But carnies,

they're the sort of people that go into the UFC and they could fucking shoot up. Absolutely. They've got a ferocity. There's a fire inside them. That's their life. That's probably the first thing they learn. Street smarts.

How to kill someone. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah. We should get a drone for this podcast. That's probably the first thing they learn. Street smarts. How to kill someone. We should get a drone for this podcast. That would be a great way of getting content.

We just kind of fly it around and then each week we're like look at this fucked person we saw in the street out in poor meadows.

Yeah but we'll need a microphone hanging off it because we need the content, the audio content. Yeah. Have a little

chat into this. The technology can't be far off. Just a little sign on it. Just, yeah, yeah. The technology can't be far off. Just a little sign on it. Hey. Just IRL crowd work. Just this drone flying around with a microphone hanging off it

and an announcement that comes in going, what are you doing? Yeah. What are you doing for a living? Yeah, I don't mind it at all. We're just here at HQ. Yeah.

We've got all the screens up like Enemy of the State. We're just like piloting this thing around. Ah, look, there's some cunt passed out in the gutter. Yeah. Let's fly it over him him See what he's got to say

Yeah Bloody wake up What are you doing So yeah End of interaction They just walked off With the drone No photos of little blanket

They could have sold them To the tabloids They could be the new Pixie photos Like you know Send it down the supermarket Yeah Just get your picture

Out in the middle of an oval accidentally if they had wind of like who you were and the demand from this audience for photos of your child they could have

could have turned a pretty penny they could have turned from carny to paparazzi podcast paparazzi you just every time you're

trying to set foot outside your house you're just swamped by drones you just can't get to your car you're like fuck next time I go to the're just swamped by drones you just can't get to your car you're like fuck next time I go to the Melbourne show

just going down the slide no photos please guys I know what you guys are up to you're a cabal of paparazzi you're shaving your head you're like smashing up the drones with an umbrella Carl just unravelling

Nicky great to have you back on the show and great to have you on an IRL one for the first time in my opinion it's great that you're back as well Sonia thank you you know you've done back on the show and great to have you on an IRL one for the first time. In my opinion, it's great that you're back as well, Sonia.

Thank you. But you've, you know, you've done this in the room. You've had the magic in the room before. I've been in your house before.

Yeah. More this podcast. More this podcast. Nikki's only ever experienced this over a, over a bad internet connection. Yeah. Yeah. That's how it's been.

What do you prefer? Just really breaking up, pauses. Got to say, for all the hassles of Zoom, nothing beats getting to the end of an obligation and just being able to close that laughing screen. That's the end of it. Off you go. Technology baby.

It's real nice. It's a good time But here we are I've got to look you in the face I know Oh god I know But yeah

You treated us last time To a lot of Some of your Some of your greatest hits Of your stories Yeah Your dating adventures A lot of people loved it

A lot of listeners loved it Oh thanks guys Yeah That's nice Yeah So what we're saying is We just said the listeners Yeah

What we're saying is Give me more Yeah well this is like The second album now Thanks, guys. That's nice. Hey, we didn't say we loved it. We just said the listeners. What we're saying is give me more. Yeah, well, this is like the second album now. Now I've got to fucking perform. Room on fire. I don't know. I think I blew my load too hard the last time. I don't know if I've got anything in there. Is that part of the story that you've got for us?

Not the first time that's been heard in these four walls, that's for sure. Actually, I do. I can't. To be honest, I can't actually remember the stories that I told last time. I know that they were. Someone ripping his balls open. Someone lost a ball. Yeah, definitely.

Just when you said blowing a load, did I tell, like, no. No. Okay, that's a face. There we go. No, okay. Well, this isn't where we're going to go, but here we are. You're in a park with some carnies. Because it's also, you're not someone who it's like, oh, yeah, here are my five great stories and some of them are from like 15 years ago.

We were asking you before the pod and you're like, oh, yeah, this fucked thing happened about four days ago. Yeah. It just never ends. I know. It was breaking my heart. I was talking to my mum before and she was like, oh, well, do you need this?

I said, oh, I've got to do this podcast. And I said all these stories last time and I'm not sure, you know, I can't do other stories that I've said on other podcasts. And she's like, well, do you want this one from when we're – yeah, probably just cut this bit out, eh? Because I don't know where I'm going. No, it's fine. Anyway, she just basically said, your life's fucked.

You're going to have plenty. Thanks, Mum. It's the support that you want from your parents. The first time we've heard of someone Having a chat to their mum In preparation for this podcast I don't think that's ever happened What were you saying to your mum?

Should I tell the blow the load story? I've done ripped ball already What's nice is I talk to her Before I record the podcast And then she feels like she's had that connection She doesn't need to listen to the podcast So then I just get real I record the podcast and then she feels like she's had that connection. She doesn't need to listen to the podcast. That's good. So then I just get real filthy here in the podcast.

So fucking strapping you grubs. No, yeah. But that's the story that I was going to say was one time I went on a date with a gentleman and I gave him a lift home. We were in the front seat. We were making out, which was fun. First date. It's gone well. Yeah, front seat. We were making out, which was fun. First date. It's gone well, yeah, yeah.

Just having a make out, you know. And then it was actually, I was down here in Melbourne. It was a car that I'd borrowed off a friend and it was an SUV and we were making out. And then I went, hang on, this is an SUV. There's a huge small room in the back. This will be fun. So we got in the boot of this SUV.

Good instinct. You know, just mixing it up. in the boot of this SUV. Good instinct. You know, just mixing it up. And then, like, in the fumbling, we were just, like, having a little stroke and stuff. But in the fumbling, he jizzed straight up my sleeve.

What? Like, straight up my actual, not my, like, wizard sleeve. Like, it was my actual, my jacket sleeve. Yeah, yeah, yeah, your literal sleeve. My literal sleeve. No one else was thinking The other thing by the way But yeah Imagine if I just came on a podcast

To go We had sex Yeah And he ejaculated Yeah he's my funny He's my funny story Strap in boys You'll have fun with this one

I asked mum And she said Remember that time When a bloke spoofed up me Oh yeah no worries I'll tell that story. Go on, boys. Roast me deluxe.

I can take it. Here we go. She's done it again. A man came inside me. Any thoughts? Oh, man. Fuck yeah. The things that happen to Nicky Britt never happen to anyone else.

Yeah, no. Just straight up a slave. Right. So you're, okay, so. Heaps of jizz. Yeah, yeah. So much jizz. Was he excited by the SUV?

I don't know if it was the car. Yeah, maybe it was just like the excitement of a new location. New location. Yeah, yeah. There could have been a gear stick situation. Now this is, again, this isn't a metaphor. This isn't like, you know, don't piss in my pocket. Don't jizz up my sleeve and tell me you're excited.

Yeah, I have started using that just generally in sexual moments. Don't jizz up my sleeve and tell me I'm a magician. Yeah, just in intimate moments. I have to put a hair elastic around all my sleeves. Just like, not again. Don't let that happen. Gruend a jacket. Fucking gruend a jacket.

Made you go out and buy cufflinks straight away. Yeah, cufflinks, that's it. A hair elasticend a jacket Fucking gruend a jacket Made you go out And buy cufflinks Straight away Yeah cufflinks That's it A hair elastic Around a jacket I've got protection Don't worry No condom

Just cufflinks You are like the jacket You're wearing today It is pretty It is pretty closed off Across the wrist You've got to have Those wrist cuffs

Also Very colourful And you wouldn't notice A jizz stain So I think that's clever That's exactly what's happened The last one A fucking wool blend You notice a jizz stain. So I think that's clever. That's exactly what's happened. The last one, a fucking wool blend. You cannot get jizz out of that.

And it was navy blue, so the jig is up. That's a fucking huge stain. I mean, to be fair, I took the jacket off, left it in my bedroom, walked away, couldn't deal with it. Couldn't deal with it at the time. That's it. And then it just was crunchy and dirty forever. Oh, man.

Like it just cracked. You need a poncho. It's over for you. You need a poncho for dates. A plastic poncho. That's great. Yeah, got the feeling she was pretty keen. Did she say anything?

No, mate, she turned up wearing a poncho. Yeah, yeah. I was like, we're on here. So not to be crass, but so... I think we've crossed that one. So not to be crass, but so... I think we've crossed that one. Not to be more crass, but so are we to assume that because the jizz went up the sleeve, that at the time that this happened... My hand was on the dick.

There was a handjob being given. Is that what led to that? No, I mean, this is the thing. Also, I'm the first to say terrible at a handjob. You know, my strength is fine in the thing. Also, I'm the first to say terrible at a handjob. You know, my straight line under areas. It doesn't sound that bad, to be honest. If that's you being bad, fucking hell. That's what surprised me.

I wasn't at the time. I was not specifically in that area at the time. Also, just because of the angle. So this Jesus travelled a long distance to get to the slate. Yeah, it's almost like, have you ever seen like a ferret desperate to get down into a burrow or anything like that? Like I just imagine the penis was really searching for a place to deposit. Oh, right, right.

That's kind of, I mean, it obviously wasn't, but in the animated version of this in my own head. Yeah, yeah. Because it really would have had to search. I don't know how. Look, he was very excited. Yeah, I just don't know how. It's like the little fucking rat thing from the Ice Age movies.

That's it. Just looking for his little nut. That's what I was looking for. Just bug eyes, just like searching around. I'm not looking for a light. Yep, yep. And I don't mean to disrespect that man. I don't know if it was a fetish for him.

Maybe it was a fetish. I'm not kink shaming. It just, I don't know how it happened. I don't know how it happened. So is that a thing where you get to it and you go, okay, even though we were engaged in, you know, having fun and whatever, is that a deal breaker? She's up a sleeve is a deal breaker?

Yeah, on a first date. No. Never jizz up a sleeve on a first date. I mean, it's not etiquette, is it? No. But it's not a deal breaker. It's not ideal. It's not that controllable, I guess.

That's exactly right. It wasn't intentional. He didn't say, watch this. It wasn't malicious. Yeah. If you're the guy. If you can go watch this, I bet I can get you sleep from here. Yeah, definitely.

Watch me launch a three-pointer. Down, down. He's like, put both your wrists up. I was like, hold your arms still. He's on fire. Boom, shakalaka. So what's the discussion? Because, yeah, I mean, that's the thing.

It's like any guy that that's happening to, they're not immediately after like, oh, hell yeah. You know what I mean? There's a lot of embarrassment. Keep the sleeve there. I'm not finished. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Can we weigh that sleeve?

I'm quite proud of how big that is. It was heavy. Can I have the other side of the sleeve? Can you turn it around? It was like, have you ever seen a pelican with just too many fish in its gullet? No. It was like that. There was heaps of jimmy.

Were your sleeves just lagging? Yeah, I could feel the weight of it. Oh, no. It was like shoulders day at the gym. It was like. Imagine what his balls felt like beforehand. Oh, the plating. That's exactly.

I was like, I feel like I've done a service here. I mean, fair play to you. Get an empty amount. Must have taken some air pressure out of the tyres of this SUV. So, yeah, so were you, because just to backtrack a bit, you're in a friend's car that you'd borrowed? Yeah, which is exactly why I was grateful that I caught the entire load in my sleeve. Right, but there must have been a moment where you're like, fuck, I really hope there's no...

Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, that's when I did... No, I didn't. I was going to say that's when I did get his dick and wipe the rest on my... I didn't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't.

Yeah, just to make sure there's no... Did you go straight to the car wash? Leave the windows open? Yeah. Yeah, no, I'm an impeccable borrower of cars. If anyone else needs to lend their car to me, please don't let this situation colour any idea you have of how well I'll treat your car. If you go to Hertz and they've heard this episode,

you're going to be paying a premium for the shittest car they have on the lot. So then what's the discussion after this? She's loading. That's load loading. After this happens, what's the discussion? He was like, oh, my God, did that go up your sleeve? And I was like, yeah. This will be a good story for later.

Anyway, he was embarrassed. I better tell mum before I forget so she can remind me. I reassured him. I said, it's fine, which it absolutely is. Absolutely, yeah. Very normal. That's why we've taken 20 minutes to talk about it. It was fine.

It was fine. And also, you know, quite a thrill to see it go that far. Yeah. You know, it doesn't always. It's a compliment, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, it's a good icebreaker, your first day? Yeah. I mean, it was – It's a good icebreaker, your first date. Yeah.

I mean, it could have cracked ice. It could have. But, yeah, I mean, it was absolutely fine. I don't want anyone who's ever jizzed up someone's sleeve to feel shame as they listen to this podcast. I want you to just embrace yourself. Didn't set too lofty an expectation for date number two? Yeah, was there a date number two?

No, we didn't make it to date number two. Oh, there we go. Definitely not exclusively the jizz up the sleeve. It was a whole other story which I definitely can't talk about here but anyway. Jizz up your pants too. I love it.

I can't tell you the dodgy story about this date. I'll just tell you the jizz up the sleeve. The liked version. This is the G version I told mum. You'll have to pay 90 for the other version. So there was no date two. We are still quite friendly.

Okay. Is there a chance he might seek this out and listen to it? Is there a chance we know this person? I don't think so, no. Not ruling it out. You know. I don't know. I don't know if he would listen to this.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. But I send him love and light. I do. I do. Yeah. Love and light and wet wipes

It warms the heart Hearing about young love Yeah Blossoming romance Yeah The early stages Yeah Alright so things are going alright

Things are going alright If you can have sort of No I mean not I mean you can't I can't I can't go to that same dry cleaner anymore Right

I can't look him in the eye Yeah After I took the jacket up there. Yeah. And he asked what that was. Did he really? Of course he did. He was like, I don't know.

He's a dry cleaner. How do I get this out? Yeah, but he knows how to get certain stains out with certain things. Yeah, certain chemicals work on certain other like. Okay, so he needs full disclosure. Yeah, he's like, is this an acid or an alkaline? Oh. And what is, just for future reference, what is it actually technically? Well, he didn't ask that specific question, but I'm pretty an acid or an alkaline? Oh. Just for future reference, what is it actually technically?

Well, he didn't ask that specific question, but I'm pretty sure it's an alkaline. He should have one of those. The dry cleaner should have one of those, you know, the lights from, you know, CSI. Yeah. Oh, boy, that'd really light up. A blue light in that sleeve.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I should assume everything's that at the dry cleaner, I reckon. You'd think so. Do you reckon he'd ever witnessed a full sleeve before? Yeah. I don't know. I mean, like I said, I cracked it and chipped some of it out before I took it up there.

Oh, God. Yep. Well, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you might hack, but this is what heterosexual women are having to deal with. It's your fucking sport. A lot of genes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So just be a gentleman and clean yourself up. Yeah. No, fair enough. Just up your own sleeve. It is, yeah. It's a very, it's not ideal. Yeah. I mean.

It's been, you're in a relationship, Sonia. It's been quite a while for you. Yeah. But you, tell us like, you know, because we only know from one side about, like, you know, in terms of dating. Like, it's been a long, long time for me. I've been with my partner for, God, nearly 15 years. Get it right.

Oh, today's our anniversary. I've got to leave. I think I've been with my partner for about a year and a half, maybe more. Yeah. I think we're going to – this is so fucked. This is very unethical. Say it.

I think we're going to break up this afternoon. Oh, my God. Wow. Exclusive. He needs to have a difficult conversation with me. He's flayed with you that he's got to have a chat. Yeah, yeah. And then we stopped chatting.

And then so I was like, all right, I'm doing the podcast in the morning. Then we're got to have a chat yeah yeah and then we stopped chatting and then so i was like all right i'm doing the podcast in the morning then we're gonna have our chat oh no then i'm going to the theater then i'm going for drinks then tomorrow i'm going to a ricotta festival and then well you've got your fucking priorities in order that's for sure you gotta have plan if you think there's gonna be a hard chat you gotta make plans for the 24 hour you gotta assume you gotta plan for the worst. Then I'm like, all right, Sunday night, I can cry. Yeah. I'll schedule that in.

Or I like it in the order of, okay, all right, if I get dumped, I can always try and suck someone off at the Ricotta Festival. I don't have to watch myself. I can absolutely pig out. The only thing I'll be sucking off is a cannoli. Dan. Yes. Look, I don't know. Look, I love this.

We're recording this on a Saturday morning. It comes out on a Wednesday, so we'll know by then. We'll know by then. Fuck's sake. And I might be back on the market by the time this comes out. I know someone who could give you a real load up your sleeve if you need it. Actually, next time someone says, I've got something up my sleeve, it's like, whoa.

When God closes a door, he comes up a sleeve. I don't know if much has changed in the year and a half or so. Yeah, it's got more fucked. I don't want to tell you that going into it. Fucking hell. No, I shouldn't say that. It's fine out there. Yeah.

I mean, I had some pretty crazy experiences like ages ago too. So it's hard to. Yeah. Well, this isn't anything to do with, this is just like an odd thing to do. Not jizz related. Someone fucked who Carl knows. Oh. This was like years ago.

That Tommy doesn't know. Okay. This was like years ago. It's't know Okay This was like years ago It was like hooking up with this guy and stuff And then one day we were hanging out We were in this lolly shop Yeah Great

I love this already Two people hanging out Hang on Something fucked happens You're in a lolly shop If this was a story about you fucking a four year old I don't think we need to hear it Actually now that I said

If you got bummed by Willy Wonka This is going to be a great story This is No it was an fucking a four-year-old. I don't think we need to hear it. Actually, now that I said... If you got bummed by Willy Wonka, this is going to be a great story. No, it was an oompa-loompa. Now that I've prefaced it with being fucked, it's not actually that. Okay. Anyway. No, I'm scared because there's someone that I know that you know that Carl knows that has done something in a lolly shop. No, no, no.

Oh, my God. It's non-sexual. Okay. But I now want to hear the next story. No, absolutely not. Anyway, he grabs all this candy, fills this bag up and mix lollies. He's like, hey, can you hold this? I'm like, yeah.

And then we go out through the checkout. I'm holding all these lollies. And then we leave the shop. And I'm like, did you pay for these and he's like no i just told the um checkout chick that i paid for them earlier so i got you to hold it i pre-ordered you're a candy mule it was so wild so he's made you an accomplice. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

In the great lolly fit. When shit goes down, you're the one copying it, not him. Yeah. Yes, exactly. Was it Greg Flay? You can cut that out if you want. We'll turn it up. But, you know, free sweets.

Actually, I got free sweets. Can we ask anything about you? Absolutely not. Let, you know, free sweets. Actually, I got free sweets. Can we ask anything about that? Absolutely not. Let's go on, Sonia. Damn it. I'm going to start making notes to what to ask after the end. It was just someone who was like, I was in a lolly shop with, and then we had to leave the lolly shop because he became

very sexually aroused by the colours in the lolly shop. Oh, really? Yeah. Just really liked candy really liked candy colors that's what he said i don't know maybe it was the idea of sucking on boiled lollies i don't know i'm just giving him the benefit of the doubt you know i'm very so what happened did you guys like start going for it or did you just like absolutely not wasn't even touching him

he got an erection in a lolly show oh wow yeah nothing to do with you he just well I was there with him I know but

nothing to do with him no no no sorry fucking hell no but good for the self-esteem no no no but you just said you weren't touching him

or anything like that there was no contact no nothing I wasn't touching him no he just got aroused. He got aroused. Are you trying to ask the classic Tommy Duffel question?

Was your hand on his dick? No, no, no. When you jizzed up your sleeve or he got an erection? No. So he got aroused purely by the aesthetics of the smells. Well, that's what he said. That was the party line. That's the climb.

So hang on. Did you just notice this or did he come clean and go, look, I've got to, I respect you. I've got to level with you. I'm barred up inside. When he started dry humping it. He had to, he turned away from the, there was only the two of us in the shop.

The shop assistant was behind the digs bumps, you know, desk. Yeah. What do you call that? What? Digs bumps? Counter. The counter. Yes.

Thank you. Fucking hell. Oh, sorry guys. What's going on? I'm not sure. Do you get aroused by podcasts? So, yeah, the person was behind the counter and then he was sort of walking through the shop,

approached the counter, then turned quite suddenly to me and was like, we should go. I was like, oh, what? Okay, yeah, if you need to, why? He was like, I'm quite turned on. I've seen the little dinosaur on the Chomp Rapper and it's given me a full mongrel. Yeah.

I've just put five Smarties up my ass. 32, 33? Yep. At the time. Great. Good on you. Thank you. I mean, hey, look, yeah, it at the time. Great. Good on you. Thank you. I mean, hey, look, yeah, I mean, it's that age.

It's like things start to go a bit, you know, you start having troubles performing down there. You know, it's good to know that this person is still, you know, still a throwback to the youth. Maybe it was the gummy team. I love that this bloke is, like is not sitting away from Viagra. He's getting a few curly whirlies instead. Yeah.

It is. I was telling – because a female friend was asking me about that the other day. Do you get turned on in a lolly shop? Do you get boners randomly? I was like, when you were at school, that was a common thing. Remember sitting there, it's like end of maths class, like getting near the end of maths class, like, all right, well, this has happened. And then you're like watching the clock and you're like, fuck,

that bell is going in two minutes. And if this thing hasn't subsided, I'm in fucking real trouble. Wow. And just praying. This teacher better start multiplying 69 up on the board or I'm in big trouble. One plus one, two. Two people having sex. Can I ask, is it because of something

that you're thinking about or you're seeing or is it just a dump of hormones at that particular time? At that age it's just completely random. A dump of hormones. You just be on the tram, just like nothing's spurted on. Just there you go. Did it happen at the same time of day?

Usually? Just so you know, the cum wasn't like the tie in your body. It doesn't go anywhere. But the way that women have a monthly cycle, men have a 24-hour hormonal cycle in their body. That would be nice. Yeah, women get their period on the same day every month and men get an erection at the exact same time every day.

Well, if it's the end of math class, I just wondered if there was a correlation. I went on a footy trip with the boys and we synced up by the end of it or barring up at 5pm every day. Nightmare. Oh, we had to forfeit the game. One time's kickoff. Shit. Aerodynamics out there. We're not going to have any blood to our legs to run. for for the game one times kick off shit aerodynamics out there

we're not going to have any blood to our legs to run oh well that means a lot of kids would get yeah bonus playing sport yeah and they just

get to fucking run or tackle just keep running no no it doesn't it doesn't well it shuts off when you're doing

physical activity well your blood's being allocated to different parts of your body someone told me this the other day when you run when you run it shrinks up.

If you see someone running with a hard-on, that's not sport. That's a crime. It's about to happen. Oh, boy. Or it's carnies in a park, taking photos, having a good time with a drone. The number of times I've been getting down to it with someone and going, I just ran into the bedroom, by the way. That's why it's that size.

I actually sprinted in here. I actually ran as fast as I could into the bedroom. That's an athletic boner. Normally it's bigger. Normally it's bigger, but like, yeah, while you're in the bathroom, I just like did a couple of laps. So that's what that is. It's a real gauge of comfort, isn't it, for you guys? It's a real gauge of, you know, if you're too cold

or you're exerting yourself too much, it's a real gauge of comfort, isn't it, for you guys? It's a real gauge of, you know, if you're too cold or you're exerting yourself too much, it's a real gauge of comfort. More trouble than it's worth, honestly. I just find them fascinating. Hideous, but also fascinating. Yeah, for sure. I find it interesting, the morning one. Erection. Yeah.

So it's not guided by... Interesting. It's not guided... No, but... I find it interesting. You just wake up and look at it and go, oh, that's quite interesting. No, but it's literally like, okay, you're asking what causes it, whatever. The idea that you wake up with

one in the morning for no good reason so that someone you're with could be like, oh, is that for me? Is it? No, no, no, this is one from waking up. Nothing to do with you. Maybe it could be something in your dreams that you don't remember anymore. No, it is consistent.

Like every morning you have a boner. Yeah, because you're right. That's funny. Is there a sense of arousal that comes with that boner? Well, that's the thing. It's like we were saying, you know, when you're a teenager, you just get boners like on the tram for no reason.

And then that kind of subsides. But what does stay is just every morning and the assumption being like, God, I get turned on by waking up. Just the thought of having an eight-hour shift. By the way, I don't know about Tommy, but it doesn't happen every single morning. It could happen with Tommy every single morning. Tommy's gone very quiet. It happens every single morning and it lasts for eight hours.

What time? What time in the morning? What time in the morning? Wait, hang on. Would it happen if you woke up at five o'clock, five a.m.? Oh, if you have a nap. What do you... You got a hot air balloon boner?

What time in the morning? Say you wake up in the morning and it's 8.30 a.m. You got a boner. Are you on a hot air balloon with a boner? It's time in the morning. So you wake up in the morning and it's 8.30am. You've got a boner. Are you on a hot air balloon with a boner? So what? You think it couldn't happen at 5am because there's nothing sexy about 5am? Well, yeah, but I'm wondering if time affects it. So you're saying, what if Tommy has a big night out, gets home at 5am,

like Cinderella trying to get home before it turns into the night. Putting a glass slipper on my dick. I don't know. I have to get home before I come at 5am. I get what you're talking about. What time do you wake up usually in the morning? Like 8.30, 9 or so. I'm wondering if you woke up at 6am Do you still get the boner if you wake up

earlier? It seems a bit early for a boner is all I'm saying. It depends. If it's something where I have to like get up and out of bed like pretty quickly, probably not. But, you know, if I've set an alarm and then I'm just kind of like, you know, not super pressed and I'm just kind of like laying there a bit, then that's probably when it's more likely.

So not quite every morning. Maybe not. But it's also like – You're just trying to make us think you've got this big heart. Yeah, just trying to sound cool in front of all these. I'm always hot. And ladies, that's what happens just over there. The bed's just there.

That's where Tommy has his hat on. Just over there. You can see my little bed. I was in there just a couple of hours ago, guys. With a raging sauna. With my widdle girlfriend or my little heart digger alright please don't do that voice again

but no I would say more mornings than not I feel but it's also because it's so interesting because it's so constant it's like I'm not I'm not waking up every morning and going oh he's done it again you know what I mean it's just there she's not a full blown rager it's just like I'm not waking up every morning And going Oh he's done it again You know what I mean Yeah you know It's just there

And is it also like She's not a like Full blown rager It's just like I'm awake Yeah it's just there Alright And also

Okay Are you turned on though With it No Okay And also Cause I'm just trying to It must be a hormone

It's a very impersonal boner It's not dedicated to anyone It's not But I'm just wondering I ask you a lot of questions about the jizz up the sleeve, so fair's fair. AMA. I mean, if there's any doctors listening or endocrinologists,

they're going to be like, oh, my God, shut up. It's not that raging. Yeah, it's not that exciting. But I just wonder, like, you know, what's happening when you're waking up? Neurologically, things are starting to fire. So I wonder if it's a brain thing or if, you know, that sense that you need to go to the toilet when you first wake up is a hormone thing. Well, he's filled his room with lollies, so.

We're back. We're back. Please cut that bit out. Here we go. Lollie shop. Sonia, hit us with the rest of this story. No, that's it. Oh, it was stealing.

Yeah, it was stealing. Yes, yes, yes. And is that weird to make someone do? Yeah, of course. Big time. That is that weird to make someone do? Yeah, of course it is. Big time. That would be weird to make your friend do. To plant evidence

on someone else. Yeah. I mean, it's not even weird, it's a crime. I'm really blasé about it. Like, what do you mean?

Why are you asking? Can I ask if this person was a comedian? Ah. Well. Yes, okay. Plead the fifth, Sonia. Plead the fifth.

If I know this person and Sonia knows this person, I don't think we know anyone between us that is not in comedy. those carnies. Yeah, but that was a long time ago.

So, I might be going back into this world. Yeah, right. Can I ask very quickly just one last thing

about the stealing the lollies. Do you think, was this a bit of a thing where like, was it him kind of like creating something for like a scenario later on? I don't want to be. Oh. You know what I mean? Like a bit of like, oh, you sexy criminal.

Oh, are we going to get caught? Yeah, yeah. Are we going to go to jail? You're a bad lolly thief, aren't you? Can't believe you stole those fan tales. Bend over. You're just like bloody, what's his name, Slugsworth from Willy Wonka trying to steal the recipes.

No, he was just a sociopath. Oh, yeah. Okay, so you've confirmed he's in comedy. Definitely. Now I know who it is. Now I know who it is. Well, sociopath in comedy. That a comedian. Definitely a comedian. Now I know who it is. Now I know who it is. Well, sociopathic comedy doesn't narrow it down at all. No, no, I know who it is now.

Now I know. About 300 ballpark figures. Could be the four people sitting at this fucking table. Narrowed it down to four figures now. Now I know who it is. Oh, God. But what I also think is interesting about this you you prepping this what what what is about to happen maybe about to happen we talk about all

this by wednesday maybe the big talk was you really need to start uh putting the rubbish out i've told you a hundred times what was on this sudden this episode's out here. We're breaking up. I'm a kleptomaniac. I've just declared it on the fucking podcast. Look, you know. You don't have to go too into it if you don't want. So what is it specifically about the vibe of this chat that makes you think that that's coming? He said, I need to have a difficult chat with you.

Message me that on Tuesday. And I'm like, I'm not free till Friday night. Oh, you put it off deliberately. Good delay. Wow. I was not free till Friday night oh you put it off good delay wow I was not free yeah I went to

Albury for gigs anyway starting to see what the problem might be last time I talked to my boyfriend was Tuesday

and I went nah fuck talking to you until at least Saturday Sunday hey I knew yeah I knew

immediately and I was like well I'm not busy till Friday and then he's like oh are you free on Saturday? I'm like, yeah. So then that's like Tuesday to Saturday.

That is a long. And we didn't talk, like message for like two days. And we usually message every day, all the time. And do you think that there's a chance that this chat. That's right. You're sadder than me. You're more. No, no.

Like you're more. Yeah. Look, I'm fine more, yeah. Look, I'm fine now, but who knows what will happen. Yeah. But so do you think there's any chance that the difficult conversation is like something internal about,

you know what I mean? Like, yeah, I don't want to get in, I don't want to, that's a bit getting a bit too personal about my partner. Yeah,

sure. But, but hey. Should we do an extended version of this episode just so you're running late for one o'clock you know just so you still get a boyfriend for like longer recording no i don't care about having a boyfriend not that i don't really like him yeah he's so great but before we were together i was single for 14 years that That's right. Because you talk about that on stage. Me. You know. Yeah.

I'm pretty good. Have you got some like. Have you got some. No fear there. Right. Yeah. If you're. Yeah.

I mean. If you're. If you're comfortable with yourself. It is. It is like. A really good. Defense mechanism in a relationship. Because you just like.

Yeah. If you're with someone that you don't want it to end. You're still like. I know that I'll be fine. This isn't going to, like, fucking destroy my life. I'll be fine. I'll be very sad. An old Lebanese man on Sydney Road bought me sweets the other day.

I still got it. Really? He bloody paid for them, what a gentleman. I'm not kidding. I was, like, peering into this Lebanese sweet shop, and he's like, hey, come in here, come in here. They got the best sweets. And then he's chatting and blah, blah, blah.

He didn't work there. He's just a customer. And I was like, oh, yeah, all right. I got to get something. I love baklava. So I got some baklava and I'm like, what do you like to get? He's like, oh, you know, at the end of the day, I like to have a joint and I like to eat these date cakes. Oh, yeah.

He's like, that's why I like to relax with that. I'm like, all right, I've got to get one of those. He's like, yeah, yeah, get whatever because I'm going to pay. I'm like, you cannot do that. What's the age of this man? He was, I reckon, in his 60s. Great. Yep.

And then I got my card out. He wouldn't let me pay. No, don't make me fight with you I'm paying, I invited you into the shop This is a date He's like Did he own the shop? No, he was just a customer who loves this shop

And he's like Men don't make ladies pay And I was like, yeah, put my feminism totally Totally aside For free baklava Which is like your other date make ladies pay and I was like, yeah, put my feminism totally on the side for free baklava, you know. Oh, yeah. Which is like your other day, he didn't make you pay for those lollies. Exactly.

Very gentlemanly. And then, yeah, we left the shop and I had to go to the bus stop so we were just like kind of chatting along the way and he was wearing a suit and he's like, oh, yeah, I've got this suit on. I had to have a court case this morning. Celebrating with a bit of bak buckling at the end of it yeah talking women i got off possession of ice he's like i thought it was gonna be um on zoom because so i wore a suit but it was actually just over the phone and he's like i was in there it was actually just over the phone. And he's like, I was in there. They're doing court over the phone?

Yeah. He was driving and the person who was in the vehicle with him was in possession of ice. So allegedly it was that guy's. He's like, but he put... But I bought it for him. I drank it in the ice shop. I made him do it.

And he's like, yeah, he didn't own up to it. So he was charged with that. So he had that court case in the morning. Did he get off? Yeah, I think so. I don't know. I don't care, you know. Free baklava.

You should take it from a nice dealer. You don't want to ask too many questions about a story like that, do you? A lot of people, like, brush things to the side when they're in relationships. You know, like they overlook things. The faults. To stay with their partner. Of course. I overlook anything for like free.

Free market. I do that for Lebanese. So if this chat today goes south, you're straight in an Uber to Sydney Road. Yes, I am. Hunt down this guy like. On the market for free. Have you joined? I'm just going to hang around there.

Just waiting for old men to buy me shit. That is. Just go to the to buy me shit. That is... Just go to the shisha bars. That is such an interesting thing for me, like that, you know, obviously there's heaps of bad things about, you know, being a girl and the sort of like the way guys... Here we go.

The way guys would treat you and stuff like that. Oh, yeah. But what I do like... Tell us about it, guys. But I do like that angle. I do like the few good bits. Guys, I'd like to hear about that. There's some great ice dealers around.

Yeah, yeah. But surely you both. You get a small pastry from an ice dealer every 14 years. You go, this makes up for all the rest of it. You lucky women. It makes up for all the jizz up my sleeve. Yes, exactly, exactly. But surely you both have copped those little stupid things

where just some pathetic man has tried to impress you with things like that. It's been a bit besotted or a bit weird. Yeah, yeah. Oh, here's an ice cream. Will you go out with me? But this guy was... Have you copped that sort of thing before?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Surely. The way you describe it is pathetic. No, totally though. But that. The way you describe it is pathetic. No, totally, though. That's because I've done that. That's not to say that a man would have to be pathetic to try it on with a movie. No, no, no.

I'm saying I've done that sort of stuff before where you look back at yourself and go, oh, what a dickhead. But this guy was like a cool, like cool as a cucumber, like very, you know, would hang out on Sydney Road all the time, come in the shop, do this and I'll buy you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I mean. He's like a spruiker. I love it. Yeah, yeah. But then also paid for my shit. A spruiker that doesn't work there. Yeah. I don't know if I've ever told this on the show or not,

but a friend of mine when we were growing up, when we were in like grade 10, this guy that we knew was like besotted with this girl that we were friends with. And her birthday was coming up and he was hyping it up. He's like, I've got this guy that we knew was, like, besotted with this girl that we were friends with. And her birthday was coming up and he was hyping it up. He's like, I've got her the perfect gift. Oh, my God. You know when you're, like, you're at that age where it's, like,

your only, like, kind of frame of reference for relationships is, like, rom-coms and stuff. Yeah. And so you think those, like, dumb gestures is just, like, that's the key and that's, like, literally all it takes. So he's like, I've got her the perfect gift and this is going to make her fall in love with me. And we're all just like, fuck, what's this going to be? This is going to be unreal.

And she's like having a party on the Saturday night. We're all super excited. And he turns up with this like big cardboard box and it's like it's not very heavy. And she opens it up and there's a duck inside, a live duck. A live duck. A live duck. A duckling or a

full grown duck? It was like a pretty full grown duck. Wow. I think he'd gone and gotten it from a market or something. And she, and this wasn't in relation to any, this wasn't like she loves ducks or whatever. It was just like, look at how cute it is. And she's just like in the middle of this party like,

oh, cool. And he's there like, oh, cool. And he's there like, yeah, you know, pretty good. Like thinking like this is the beginning of the, you know, in his head like imagining them with like three beautiful children in 20 years time, you know. And then, yeah, the duck's just like fucking swimming in the pool during the party. Absolute nightmare.

And then like I think a week later He's like Calls her up And he's like Oh how's the duck going And she's like Oh And has to come clean And go

Yeah Dad killed it And we ate it For dinner Oh No Oh boy Who's worse in that situation actually

Yeah No one's No one's really doing great work in here, except for us on the sidelines going, this is the funniest shit we've ever seen in our lives. And then he was like, I know how I'm going to win her back. I'm going to hire a Sky Rider on Valentine's Day. Hang on, he's 10?

Oh, no, we're in year 10, so he's like 16. So he was going to save up and write like, I love you, you know, her name in the sky. And we were like, we he's like 16. So he was like going to save up and write like, I love you, you know, her name in the sky. And we were like, we were all begging him. We were like, please, please do not do this. So same girl? Same girl, yeah. He's just thinking, if I do every dumb bullshit.

Well, she can't eat the sky. Dad can't behead the fucking clouds. Some bloke out there just shooting into the air. Yeah. But it weren't, you know, when you're that age. Stay away from my daughter! It was such a nice age where you're like, you really think it is that simple. It's like, you just buy them an ice cream and then that's it.

You go crazy about people. Yeah. And they're just like dweeby little. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly like I'm saying. What have you done then, Carl?

You said you did stuff and you were. I've left... Gave people things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I sent presents and I'm like, what was I fucking doing then? Like, you would literally, you could see the girl would have been just like, oh, God. Oh!

Fucking hell. That makes the heart for little Carl. No, no, that's fine. Carl the romantic. It's a side of you I've never known of. All right. But, I know, but... But, I'm'm just saying that must be funny from your end. Like there must be, I know, that's what I'm saying.

There must be like plenty of horrible things where guys have done bad things, but there must be some funny things where some guys come up and bought you a buckle bar on the street and go, God, what's this guy thinking? 60-year-old eye-stealing nerd. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he was trying to get it. Yeah, exactly.

So that's what you've got to look forward to, hopefully some more of this type of stuff. Yeah, fucking hell. Pastries and sex. Yeah.

Because, you know, I don't think guys get that element of it as much. You don't get girls sending you presents

or, you know, whatever, things like that. You would never get a girl on the street going, come in here, I've got a gelato for you, actually. That's some pretty fucking stupid things. Have you? Oh, maybe. Yeah.

I think it exists. I certainly think it's probably, you know what, it's probably more common now than when you were last on the scene. When I was courting. When you were courting. Maybe common for hot guys. Right. Yeah.

No offence. No, no, no, sure. Sure. No you were courting. Maybe common for hot guys. Right. No offence. No, no, no, sure, sure. None taken. Like I remember my friend, he's like really attractive and he used to live in Brunswick near where I live and they live in a bit of a different world. We were talking about the Brunswick baths one day and he's like oh i love

that place you know they let they let you just like sneak in for free i'm like no they let you do that yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah no you're right just the other day because it's like this ring being out that's good for business it's like people walking past in the street and seeing that that's in our pool yeah i'm getting in i'm paying my four bucks that's good for instagram someone the other day Was like saying You know the thing When you finish your gig And you know

And then you open your inbox And there's like All these girls That have been at the gig And will hit you up And it's like Not really No

People say that all the time Must be annoying Yeah yeah Don't men come up to you After the gig And they Yeah and they say Fucked shit

Yeah yeah No one of the main things That men don't like is that I'm doing stand-up comedy. It's not a turn on. Yeah, yeah. In any way for those men. Me and my girlfriend met by her sliding into my DMs, but that was only because she thought I was someone else. What?

She like, date four, she's like, I've got to be honest, I hit you up because I thought you were someone that I met at a party when I was like 18 and had a crush on. Were you at this party at birth? What? I'm like, no. Hang on. What?

How did this only come out now? She saw me on the search thing and was like, oh, yeah, that guy looks familiar. And I was like, no, that wasn't me. That's kind of cosmically beautiful. That's sort of like in the old days when the switchboard used to put the wrong phone number into the other. You know what I mean

and then you'd start talking to a stranger and realise you had so much in common also I think that now confirms that your girlfriend is just rooting you

and thinking it was someone else for quite a while and trying to figure out how to break up with you yeah no she literally she's like yeah

date three she's like hey so yeah you were that you remember oh so date three she literally still thought you were

someone else at that point I think for a couple of dates yeah oh my god not that she thought You were, but you remember meeting me at this point. Oh, so she literally still thought you were someone else at that point? I think for a couple of dates, yeah. Oh, my God. Not that she thought I was someone else, just that she thought she had met me at this thing. She was like, oh, I remember we met at this thing, and I was like, that wasn't me.

Wow. Yeah. Isn't it beautiful to think that, like, the reason that person came into her life, despite her, like, having this crush and this like, you know, unrequited love for this person since she was 18. Yeah. The reason for all of that pain and unrequited love was so it could lead her to meet you now.

But if she ever bumps into that guy on the street, I'm fine. Maybe she's trying to. This whole time she keeps sliding into different Tommy's DMs. You've got to find him and kill him. Yeah, any like bald man I see with glasses, I'm just fucking taking him out with a crossbow because it could be him and that's competition and that's going to ruin my fucking life. Wow.

Yeah. It's convenient too because bald men with glasses aren't hard to take down. Yeah, exactly. Thank you. You feel a compliment Yeah, exactly. Thank you. You feel a compliment. It's not like you're the dayzania. Well, you are ready for the dating scene.

I've got my negging. But that could be, you know, if you're back on the market tomorrow, talk about unrequited love and make sure everyone's happy. Fuck. Get on Instagram, find people that look vaguely similar to someone that you knew when you were 18 and just pursue them.

Just pretend. Maybe that's an angle. Maybe I could just be like writing to people I find attractive and going, hey, remember when we were 18? Yeah. Oh, you don't remember me? Am I still talking now? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And they probably will say, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I think I remember that. Yeah, it's an in. Okay, great. All right. I'm doing this over.

A lot of homework. A lot of homework here. All right, we better wrap it up for another. Can I say one more thing? One more thing. Something I only just learned the other day was about you, Nikki. Oh. I didn't realize that you were the voice of Channel 10.

Yes. were the voice of channel 10 yeah so you do you do some intros and and bits and pieces yeah coming up next all that sort of thing i do it's i can't actually even i can barely watch channel 10 now because there's so much of my own right yeah yeah right that's the kyle canane of australia you're the you're the You're the voice. Yeah. Now I've got to do it, don't I, really? You certainly do. Why do you think the laptop's open? Yeah.

And I've got one for you to read out. Oh, go on. This is just combining the fantasy of us not having a podcast and us actually being successful. Yeah, I'm sure. I've given an intro for us with a show. Our sketch show? With a show on Channel 10. Oh, no, I didn't do that.

Oh fuck. What are you doing? I'll change it slightly. I'll change it. A bit of backstory. We have this, we have a bit of a long standing dream on this podcast of getting a sketch show up. Now commonly, you know, you see it all the time.

People put their heart and soul into something, into an idea and then it gets up and either it's been meddled with by the bigwigs and it's shit or for whatever reason people just don't take to it and it gets panned and whatever and it's very crushing for the people involved. So our idea is we write a sketch show that we know is bad, that's deliberately shit, and then if it doesn't get up or anything, great. Who cares?

We think it's shit anyway. We don't have any ownership of it. It's not our passion project. It's the healthiest project I've ever heard. Exactly. And then if it does get up, which it probably will because it's awful. Yeah. Right.

We just get to sit there and be like, oh, well, and then it gets panned and we're like, we're out there. We're like, we know. Yeah. We're like trolling ourselves on Twitter going, you're right, this is shit. Yeah. And it's called the funny fellas. Yeah.

This is our sketch of PH. Funny PH fellas PH. Absolutely. It's already up. It's up. Yeah. Yeah. Get ready.

Get ready. I've got, I've got a little intro for you Oh I can't wait We can use this once We inevitably get the TV show Very very soon Oh boy Okay Okay

Alright sure Okay alright here we go Coming up on Channel 10 After Offspring They've done it again Tommy and Carl From the Little Dumb D Dum Club are back with a brand new episode of The Funny Fellas. So relax on the couch, pull your pants down and make room up your sleeve.

There we go. Nice. That's it. God, I hope I don't lose my job after doing that. There's not enough voiceover work for the channels where they're instructing you to sit on the couch and have a good time. You know like when a recipe, when it's like the final step is like, serve with parmesan and enjoy.

It's like, I've fucking got it from here, channel. You know what I'm doing, all right? Totally, yeah. Enjoy at the end. No, I'm going to fucking hate this chocolate cake. Don't tell me what to do. Yeah, yeah. Serve with parmesan.

I think it's fucking my choice what I serve it with. Thanks. Oh, great. All right. Well, yeah's fucking my choice what I serve it with. Thanks. Oh, great. All right. Well, yeah, let's wrap it up for another week. Nikki Britton, Sonia Diorio, thank you very much for joining us. Thank you. Absolute pleasure.

Good luck. Everyone. Everyone involved. Good luck, Sonia. Yes. And, yes, everyone for everything. Let us know. We might have to get you on the phone.

We do the bit after this episode right now yeah yeah yeah the talking dumb dumb are you doing it right now no no no we do that later so we might have to

get you on the phone yeah I gotta I gotta I gotta hit the streets and make sure my girlfriend hasn't jumped in bumped into

fucking Johnny Vassalo in the in the two hours she's been out on the streets while we've been doing this Johnny Vassalo and I'm gonna get short shorts on and go down and see if I can get any fucking Boston buns

for Frey Down Brunswick Street. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, you don't, yeah, you might need short shorts. I don't. You've got a family photo shoot later in the park, don't you? Oh, yes. Yes, sorry, yeah. Have you guys got things that you care to plug?

Nikki, you're doing the comedy festival. Please. I'm doing every night of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. So please come along. The show's called One Small Step, and it's got very little to do with this last ball ache of a year we've all had. So just a pure hour of escapism. Have a good old fun time.

And what that, of course, means is you wrote it a year ago before any of this happened and you haven't changed it. It's like a time capsule. Reframing it. I'm doing it for you. No one wants to hear stuff from... Look, I was writing every day and I'm like, these guys don't want to hear that.

I've got two hours of Corona stuff, but just to make you happy, I'm going to do it later. They're over it. I'm very fresh. I keep it topical, guys. People are over it. They lived it. They don'm going to do it later. They're over it. I'm very fresh. I keep it topical, guys. No, people are over it. They lived it. They don't want to hear about it.

That's it. Truly. And this is kind of, anyway, it's absolutely written before COVID. Yeah. Great. Great. Sonia? I will be doing a show called Big Eyes, Big Pussy.

That's right. Yes. And it will not be in the Comedy Festival. It will be a few weeks afterwards and more details to come. Oh, you don't have dates yet? Off the top of your head, you don't. I do. All right.

But subject, it's pretty much locked in, March 7th. Hang on, your boyfriend's booking the venue and you don't know what's going to happen in the next couple of hours. March 7th, but hey, follow me on socials. March 7th is before Comedy Festival. Oh, I'm sorry, May. May 7th. Oh, May 7th.

Fucking hell. It's May 7th. May 7th. And yeah, more details to come. Sonia Dory on the socials. Yes, Sonia Dory. Okay. I'm also doing Sydney if people are in Sydney.

People are in Sydney. People are everywhere. Oh, yeah, yeah. People live in Sydney. These days people live are everywhere oh yeah yeah people live in Sydney these days people live all sorts of places wow really in fact you live in Sydney so yeah

when you were like talking about being out of the house at 8.30 in a park and it was weird to see people I was like what?

guys what? that's what that's all people do in Sydney is wake up early and go for a run. And Queensland's even worse. So what's your date in Sydney? Do you know?

I don't actually know, but it's during Sydney Comedy Festival. So if you Google that, it'll come up somewhere. Google both these people and Google. Look, we can even plug ourselves in this little bit because I literally just got a text, a random text, very nice compliment. I just got a text from Bob Franklin saying he's just looked in the guide and said,

you have the best show title in the whole festival, Carlos. Hats off to you. Oh, nice. What's your show title? Please call me Carlos. Mr Comedy was my father. Very good. So it's nice to have a bit of critical acclaim for that

because the general public are looking at that title going, what the fuck is this? Also, Bob Franklin, what an absolute legend. What a nice young man. See, if you had your show in the festival, Sonia, you could have been getting that text from him. Oh, exactly. I've seen your title.

That's Alan Partridge texting you, I believe. I've got the best show title out of the festival. Yes. Best show title at Sexpo. All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. And they've done it again

Oh my goodness I'm so glad you said it I was just thinking that Great start to the weekend Twinsies Getting up Saturday morning Having a big old laugh And then heading off for the rest of the day

Are we sort of gradually trying to aim ourselves To be breakfast radio hosts or something? We've been doing all those early morning fucking shows lately. Yeah, 10 a.m. So early. Fuck. Yeah, yeah. Well, to be fair, you're the one that has to set all these alarms to get up at that

time, so it is early for you. 10 was fine, but yeah, the previous week, the 8 a.m. start, that killed me. Right. But it's not only that, not only is it early morning, but it's weekend breakfast. So it's all of the hassle of that time with just none of the eyes on you. Well, also, don't you feel like getting up early on a weekend? It's like double time getting up early. Oh, absolutely.

8.30 on a Sunday is insane. That's worth like a 5 a.m. on a weekday. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, totally, totally. That's the currency there. Yeah. It's also good like if it happens to be on a night when, as was the case with

this one, my girlfriend has been at my house and I've had to get up and kick her out and go, go fucking make yourself busy for a couple of hours. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Tell your story walking. Yeah. Good.

Hey, this is a great app. I thought. Yeah. A lot of fun. Yeah. Heaps of fun. But here's something that I guess you guys are going to be wanting to know the answer to. From that episode, Sonia D'Orio, what happened?

Cliffhanger. Yeah, what happened? What happened at that meeting that she had after the podcast? That was recorded on Saturday morning. Here we are. It's Tuesday morning now. What happened? Which then I was driving to my girlfriend's

house after we did the episode and i ended up giving sonia a lift to her house right nowhere near my girlfriend's place just felt bad yeah just like you're potentially about to be dumped just put in some groundwork before she uh becomes single right you don't need to be getting the fucking bus to this appointment you know i'll give you a lift like i can't i can't in good conscience sure what you get on fucking public transport to the other side of town. Yeah. All right.

So, shall we find out? Mm-hmm. I have got her on, what do you call this, Facebook Messenger video phone, whatever the fuck it is? Yeah. Let's ring her. Let's find out. Okay.

Okay. Here we go. Sonia D'Orio. Is she going to pick up? Is she available to talk? Hello, Sonia. Oh, fuck. Unbelievable. Can I get on speakerphone?

Surprising that this isn't working. Can I? Oh, here we go. Speakerphone. Sonia D'Orio. Hello, can you hear me? Yes, we can. We can hear you. Fuck, first time using a me? Yes, we can. We can hear you. Fuck, first time using a phone? Yes, thank you. Stop. Don't hold the fucking microphone up to the thing. Well, that's where it's coming out of. It's coming out of the speaker in the bottom of the phone.

Alright, alright. Is that better? Is that better? Sonia, hello? Yes, yes, I can hear you. There we go. There we go. Sorry, Tommy's berating me. Hey, thanks so much for doing the episode. We're part of Talking Dumb Dumb, as you know, the most popular part of the show. At the back end, we're doing a bit of explanation.

We're just talking about the episode. All the listeners at home are dying to know the cliffhanger, the result, the cliffhanger at the end of the episode. When you left Tommy's house, what happened? I went home and my then partner came. Hang on. Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert.

That is giving away a slight end of this story. I'm not sure if I mentioned on the episode he was coming over at one but um before i got home i got a message at and he said he'd be there at 1 30 so it's like fuck you can't even be punctual to break up bumping it back yeah yeah you should have dumped him for that just got him um yes and we broke up and it was very sad. So thanks for calling me to relive a very depressing moment in my life. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Sonia.

It's okay. It's all good. Yeah. You did have a cheese festival to go to the next day. Yeah, more importantly, how was the ricotta festival? Yeah, exactly. That's probably what the listeners are more interested in. Yeah, I've actually been trolling on Sydney Road for three days.

Oh, yes. Yes. I didn't make it to the Cheese Festival because I had a huge migraine because worst fucking weekend ever. Well, thank you. You're welcome. I started with the pod and things got even worse. Oh, what?

I can imagine. But I didn't make it to that. I was in bed most of the day. But I did end up making myself a Biscoff milkshake, which was fucking amazing. That is, man, that is honestly a bad thing to be saying to someone on intermittent fasting who's been going for about 18 hours. So that sounds insane.

It is bad. It's going to get worse. It's one of the best things I've ever tasted. Wow. Like, I couldn't feel my migraine. I couldn't feel my sadness. It was so delicious. My God. I've got to look sadness. It was so delicious. Oh my god.

I've got to look this thing up. That sounds great. Just ice cream, milk and Biscoff. Biscoff spread. Okay. Bread milkshake. I made it with almond milk and coconut ice cream and it still tasted fucking amazing. Coconut ice cream?

Yeah. I'm so hungry at the moment. Vegan. It's vegan. It's healthy. Don't worry about your fast. Oh man, that's a shame. That doesn't sound as good now. Carl's never looked more sass barring up over a single woman talking about bread.

And also recording it. You're like that guy in the lolly shop. That's my aim. Fucking hell. And also recording it. Yeah. You're like that guy in the lolly shop. Yeah. Oh, man. That's my aim. You know, when I inevitably get dumped by my wife at some stage, I'm going to be so far out of the dating scene,

that's how I'm going to be trying to meet women. Yeah. Just offering them biscuits out the front of shops. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll give you the recipe. Great. Well, I'm sorry to hear that, Sonia, but we felt like we needed – Thank you.

You know, you guys, you needed closure on our end, but I feel like we and our listeners needed closure as well. Yeah, and it's good terms. I think we'll be friends in the future. Okay, in the future. Not the present, but in the future. Not the – in maybe a couple months. Right, right. We're just friends, you know. We're not really – men and women, they can only be friends. That's my conclusion. Yeah, yeah.

They're too different. I'm going the opposite of everyone else's thesis. Right, right, right. Sonia, we've actually been in contact with him, and he's going to come on the podcast next week to give his side of the story. So, yeah, you can look forward to listening to that. It was mutual. It was so mutual. Right, right.

Okay, well, you better bring me a milkshake. So, look, hey, good news. The Comedy Festival's coming up. You know, you're going to meet all sorts of interesting drunk open micers late at night at the Comedy Festival, so you'll be fine. Things are looking even worse. Okay, thank you, Sonia. Great episode.

Thank you very much, and I hope you're okay. Bye, Sonia. See you. Love you. Bye. Love you. Bye, bye, bye. Bye, byeia. Love you. Bye. Love you. Bye, bye, bye. Bye, bye.

Well, there you go. All right. Wow. This is... I think I can hear the sound of her inbox blowing up right now. Guys, don't try it on. You're probably sitting there thinking, I'm the perfect rebound guy. You're not.

Just, yeah, look, if you're some sort of weird, slightly creepy 40-plus-year-old podcast listener, don't forget to add her on Twitter and go, really great episode this week. Don't forget to message us every week from now on going, why isn't Sonia on again? Get her back on. She sounds so much funnier when she's single. just every week from now on going, why isn't Sonia on here? Get her back on.

She sounds so much funnier when she's single. Yuck. Anyway, yes. Brutal stuff. Hey, it happens. She sounds like she's okay. Yeah, she sounds like she's okay. I mean, we had no part in it actually happening. Yeah, I keep feeling like we did.

I keep feeling like we should feel bad and responsible, but no, we're just kind of stuck in the middle of it. That's it. It's just life, you know. You know what? I haven't really come across someone in my sort of close sort of circle of friends that's had a breakup for a while, I guess.

Yeah, it feels like I'm in a stage where it feels like everyone's going to stay together forever now. Yes. Maybe. Yes. Well, you never know. Yeah, it feels like, I'm in a stage where it feels like everyone's going to stay together forever now. Yes. Maybe. Yes. Well, you never know. Yeah, you don't know. But, yeah.

Yeah, she, I was messaging her about it on Sunday. I just checked in. And, yeah, sounds like they're on, they've ended on good terms, as good terms as you can, which is hard to do and very rare.

Yeah, well, we'll see. It's been a couple of days. It's turned into fucking Dr. Phil all of a sudden. Yeah. I've had a few of those where it's been like, oh yeah, it's fine.

And then a couple of weeks later, I'm like, nah, it's actually not fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've changed my mind about this. That's very true because it's like, yeah, in the breakup conversation,

no one goes, I'm going to be real with you. I'm walking out that door and then there's no friendly pleasantries whatsoever ever again yeah this is not amicable yeah you're like yeah no no we'll still yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah no there's this uh i think i've changed my mind a few times on those sort of things um but it's okay it's okay sonja's okay she's a lovely girl. She'll be fine. Life goes on, hey? Yeah.

Yeah. Man, it's interesting. Breakups are so interesting. I find them fascinating. Which is why I didn't mind talking about all this sort of stuff. It's just so weird to go. I always think the concept of going from more than best friends forever. Yeah.

And it's like, no, we're never going to talk again, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It friends forever. Yeah. And it's like, no, we're never going to talk again, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is strange. Yeah. It's someone who knows you pretty intimately, knows kind of everything about you. To then, yeah, there's just nothing there. Yeah.

Like you're not, because, yeah, you're not friends with anyone that you've dated. You don't still have anyone that you've dated before in your life, do you? Apart from your wife. Not really. You guys used to date. I used to date her. She used to be, she you? Apart from your wife. Not really. You guys used to date. I used to date her. She used to be, she's my ex-girlfriend.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Back in the day. Yeah. Look, there's one I'm sort of friendly with still, sort of. Okay. But she sort of went a bit too mental. So then I sort of, I don't avoid her. She did? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. went a bit too mental so then I sort of I don't avoid her she did

yeah yeah okay well she would do she does something I don't do which is like get drunk

get really really drunk and then like make a call or send messages or whatever that's actually not my style that's not my thing I'm

if there's one there's one redeeming feature of me it's that I can restrain myself when drunk and not do any of those. Yeah. But.

I did that maybe a couple of times when I was like 18, but into adulthood. Yeah. Like I've never, if someone's ended it with me, I'm not a pursuer. Right. Like I'm not a, I don't want to be the guy who's like, please. Like I just go, if it's meant to work out, it'll work out. What the fuck is this? She'll be back.

Who is this? She's back. Hang on. Someone's pursuing you. This is Sonia at the door going, actually, Tommy, are you still single? Or what's happening here? Wrong number. Fuck.

You're just going to leave it? What happened? Someone just rang your doorbell. Yeah, it's probably a parcel. They'll just leave it in the mail room. Okay. Well, after talking to Sonia... Parcel with a sexy woman in it.

Oh. An ex-girlfriend from decades ago. That'd be nice. Well, we just talked to Sonia. I just got a missed call from Nick Carr. We could have talked to the other end of the spectrum. In more ways than one. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, anyway, look, let's put a pin in that. talk to the other end of the spectrum. In more ways than one.

But yeah, anyway, look, let's put a pin in that. We are, of course, getting ready to head over to Adelaide, South Australia, this Saturday, if you're listening to this hot off the presses, March the 6th at 3pm. The second show that we've put on sale, the first one, of course, sold out very, very quickly. So we're now doing two back-to-back. There's still a few tickets left for that, so get on that. We are, of course, we've dipped into the kitty.

We've dipped into petty cash. Wow. Opened that little lockbox. We put both of our keys in at the same time and turned them together and took $50 out of the entire budget. We're going there in the middle of the Adelaide Fringe Festival. So you look at the lineup of the Fringe Festival, you see so many comedians over there.

And that's why we thought, you know, it sold out very quickly, the first show. Let's do a second show. There's heaps of comedians to hit up. And then for some reason, now there's not. And so now we've made the decision to actually open said kitty and fly a guest over. So, guys, if you're coming on the weekend to the live shows in Adelaide, there is going to be a very familiar guest appear at both shows, I believe.

And that is who, Tommy? Friend of the show, Nicholas Capper. Wow, what a scoop. We finally got him. Who I booked his flights for him while I was with him. And I said to him, what's your email address and your phone number? So that he could get all the flight itinerary. Later that day, get a message.

Hey, it hasn't come through yet. Like, I swear to God, if you've given me the wrong, because then I tried, I couldn't log in because I've put his details in. So yes, long story short, we are going to be appearing at the Rhino Room with friend of the show, Nick Capper. Yeah, plus more, plus guests. Plus more, yeah.

Plus more. Yeah, we haven't flown him over at the expense of asking anyone else who actually is in town. Look, it's a good idea because it has blown out the budget. So, you know, monetarily, we could say that that's what we're doing. Look, it's a good idea because it has blown out the budget. Monetarily, we could say that that's what we're doing. Hey, let us know if you're a ticket holder and you'd be fine with just us and Kappa holding court for two hours straight.

Email in and let us know because that would take a lot of the load off our shoulders, both financially and... An afternoon with Nick Kappa, hosted by Tommy Daslow and Carl Chandler. A Nick Capa AMA, where we just, we moderate it. Yeah. All right.

Well, let's talk more about that. I think there's plenty more meat on this bone that we'll be munching on on Saturday. Yummy. But, yeah, look, we'll be doing a bunch of other guests as well, but that is confirmed. You know, as close to an international guest as we get at this point in history. Someone's coming on a plane to come and do it, so that's sort of international. Sweet. So that's going to be heaps of fun.

Man, as I've said before, I'm so excited to fucking just do something, to get out of here. First time I've done anything in a year. So Adelaide, you're going to be my co-samui for the weekend. Very much excited about that. All right, all right. Let's crack on to

Adelaide. I'll be bringing over some merch as well. So if you want shirts, if you want hoodies, you want hats, you want stubby holders,

stuff like that. If you want to make sure that we definitely bring your size, give us a message on any of the socials or our website. Because there's always that one where we get over there and it's like, oh, no, I wanted a Haymates shirt in a 17XL. Well, sorry, that's the one size we didn't bring.

And plus, none of that stuff exists. Yeah. But let us know. I wanted a burger shirt in a family tent size. Yeah. Man, there's still people who just stop. I'll have the burger shirt

in black. Cool. That's a thing that we haven't had for eight years. Yeah. So you just missed out. Of course,

speaking of people wanting things, we want your money. Thank you very much to everyone who... Can I have some dollars in a 5XL, please? Yeah, yeah.

Can I... Thanks to everyone who listens, but thank you especially to people who... Can I have some dollars in a 5XL, please? Yeah, yeah. Can I... Thanks to everyone who listens, but thank you especially to people who contribute to the running of this show, the funding of The Little Dum Dum Club, and that is via patreon.com

slash little dum dum club. Everyone who chucks in there, thank you. You guys are great. You also... We say thank you by giving you bonus episodes every week,

multiple episodes every week. Mondays and Fridays, you get a little mini episode in the inbox. We're about to record some after this. So thank you. I hope you guys are enjoying it. And, of course, on top of that, you get your name put into the barrel, the big chance to get read out and immortalized on this show, and your own little make-a-wish happening right here,

except without the cancer and without something good happening. So nothing like it. But we put all the names into the unplanned title. Alternator, we get them out. This is the funnest part of the show. Me and Tommy, personally, we have bets on what names are coming out. Yeah, yeah. This is sort of like our form of gambling.

I think Sportsbet have started taking on some of this too. Right, right. Yeah, so you can go down there. It's like John Smith, 100 to 1. Yeah. So we have our own sort of bet on that. We have a few names that come up. It's got to be this guy's name this week.

And then that's what makes it so exciting for us, just the surprise when it comes out or doesn't come out. So, yeah, you guys can run your own books at home as well, I guess, if you want. Heaps of fun to be had within this. So let's crack in. Let's start now. First cup off the rank. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Jess Mills.

You owe me 50 bucks. Fuck. Told you. Straight bucks. Told you. Straight away. Told you Jess Mills was going to be the first one. I was like... Knew it. To be honest, I was like...

Sounds too good to be true. I was like, you have not seen the form on this thing. There's no way that's you. But, look, all right, I bow down. Here's the... How much do I owe you? 50 bucks. 50 bucks.

Wow, what was that? Sorry, no, wait. You put $10 at 5 to 1. No, I've got a better answer. What? It's actually you owe me $69. I just looked at the little ticket again. Oh, right.

Okay, that is a better answer. Thank you. Thanks for punching that up for the show. Yeah, thank you. I'll just edit out all the stuff before. Right, right, right. $1 at 69 to 1. Wow.

Worth a try. Yeah. Long odds. No one would have picked that before. Right, right, right. A dollar at 69 to 1. Wow. Worth a try. Yeah. Long odds. No one would have picked that except you. Well done, Tommy. Yep. Well done. That's kind of the key to gambling.

Yeah. For no one to pick it but you. Yeah, yeah. You've done your research. It's paid off. Yep. Jess Mills. Do you think this is any relation to Rob Millsy Mills?

Jess Mills. Do you think this is any relation to Rob Millsy Mills? I would say there's no way it couldn't be with a weird name like Mills. Not just anyone has that name. Yeah, exactly. There's possibly only two people in the country that have that last name. And that is Rob Mills and Jess Mills. Subscriber of the little dum-dum club, Jess Mills.

Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, she's... Can we call Jess the Mills-wa? Mm-hmm. Remember when Rob Mills called himself the Mills-wa for a while? Yep, yep. Jess is the Mills-wa. She's one step removed from sex with Paris Hilton. Wow.

What a claim. And sex with possibly other people we know as well. Yeah, we know Paris Hilton. Yeah. I saw her the other day. She has not changed in 20 years. You saw her the other day. Well, I saw pictures of her.

Right. Down the shops in Hawthorne. Yeah, in Hawthorne. Yeah, in the IGA. She came out. She did hotel quarantine for two weeks just to be able to hit up the salsas or the schnitz on Glenferry Road. But look, to be fair, everyone had masks on in the supermarket,

so it might have been a homeless man. Right, right, right. I just presumed it was. Paris Mills buying two kilos of pumpkin. Paris Mills. So she's taken his name after rooting him once. Was it Paris Mills or Paris Hills? You said Paris Mills.

That's what happens when you root. I don't mind that. Just like, look, not to call it too early, but fuck, that was about as good a dicking as I've ever had. This is forever. It's an STI. Yeah. There was no condom involved.

So it was like, all of a sudden, you're related. Instead of making a new relation of us both, creating one by having a baby, it's like you are now just straight away related to me. It's just like Magic Inc. You look at your driver's license and your surname's just changed yeah without you doing anything about it yeah it's like yeah you caught surname off him yeah it's got one of those really contagious surnames you're now paris milswa yeah now she you know we sort of no one ever really saw her again after she stopped being friends with with kim kardashian she you know was she tight with kim yeah that's know, she... Was she tight with Kim?

Yeah, that's how she became famous. Oh, okay. Yeah, she was like a PA or something. Paris? No, of Paris. Oh, right, right, right. Kim Kardashian was a personal assistant or something, like a friend. And then Kim got really big and then Paris got jealous and like broke it off with her.

Broke off the friendship. Yeah, and now she's still rich or whatever but you know not not the same i during lockdown i watched her cooking show that she did that was her teaching you how to make a lasagna and it was just deranged yeah the most deranged recipe and just classic like american like bottled water for everything, like no tap, just yeah. And yeah, it was hard to tell. Is she in on it or are the producers just kind of like pulling the – she seems kind of self-aware. She seems a bit more self-aware than I think people have given her credit for historically.

She couldn't have done The Simple Life or whatever it was called 20 years ago and had everyone go, yeah, the reason for this show is that you're dumb. She shouldn't have gone, well, lightning can't strike twice. I'll just do this very normal cooking show 20 years later and no one will laugh at it at all. Yeah. She's got to be in on it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you know, that was all a joke when she fucked Millsy as well. Like, that was all like, this is a joke as if I want to fuck this guy. This Australian Idol eighth place guy. Man, she's the new Andy Kaufman. Right. Okay. Yeah, this is all stuff.

Performance art. All of it, yeah. Peering on the balcony with him. Yeah, it was an ironic route. Yeah. Yeah. Wasn't she, when that happened, she was out here for the Melbourne Cup, right? That's it.

Yeah. That's it. Who did they get? It would have been funny, like know Because they always It's always Some weird celeb You know like I remember Johnny Drama

Yeah Entourage coming out One year for it It's like the Logies It's always like Yeah They get Fucking

Cousin Oliver From the Brady Bunch Yeah To come out Just like The worst The fifth bill On some shit sitcom

They'll get them out here It's like who can be You just go down the list It's like who's the first person that's going to say yes to a free flight and you know interested enough in visiting a different country the key grip on hanging with mr cooper right yeah right that's i wonder who they it would have been interesting to see who they i have no idea who they had if they even tried to like oh yeah do that last year that's a good question who would you if if if that's the category this year, if we could have someone for the Logies in the Melbourne Cup this year,

who would you get? Well, the tennis got to fly out players and have them in hotel quarantine for two weeks. So the Melbourne Cup should have been able to get permission to get B-listers out and have them in hotel quarantine just for all the public appearances at the David Jones Marquee in the Birdcage. Oh, it'd have to be someone from...

What's it called? The Tiger document. The Tiger document. Oh, they bring Carole Baskin out. Yeah, yeah. They bust Joe Exotic out of prison. Get him in hotel quarantine. Straight into another form of prison.

You can't get him. Or you can't even get Carole Baskin. You want to get someone lower on the... Oh, like the... The guy with no teeth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or the guy who's just got like all the multiple girlfriends yes him don someone that's a good one is that his name yeah

yeah the guy with like gray hair yeah yeah yeah and he'd be right into it oh he'd love it in the birdcage yeah yeah absolutely yeah the kind of and like the suit he'd be wearing would be pretty special you'd have to imagine great outfit yeah yeah Yeah, who else? How far away are we from getting YouTubers as the special guests at the Melbourne Cup and the Logies? Get a bit of Logan Paul out here or whatever. You're probably more likely in this day and age to have TikTokers will be the next thing.

I reckon within two years we'll see TikTokers walking the red carpet at the Logies and or the Melbournebourne cup right yeah yeah yeah that makes sense um jess mills jess is a name you're a fan yeah fine with it how can you not be yep got a lot of friends called jess actually do you yeah i do you feel like when you were thinking of children names that names of, like if you know too many people with a name, it's like it's out of the equation? Yeah.

I didn't get too much of a say, I'll be honest. I was just throwing things up and seeing them get smashed back over my head. Yeah. But when you were throwing things out, were you, you know. So you know a lot of dave's for example yes so dave off the that was that was rejected immediately given that we were having a girl so yeah didn't get a look in okay that's the one i couldn't argue with pretty old-fashioned of you yeah just because it's a i didn't reject it, your child might be a boy. Yeah. Yeah. You don't know yet.

Yeah. Yeah, no. I just feel like if I was having a kid and I called it Jess and I told that to my friends called Jess. Yeah. I would just feel weird. Yeah, sure. It would feel like even though even if I just like the sound of the name. It's sort of. I can't really argue. It's like,'s like no it's just a coincidence i'm not naming it after you

it's sort of like saying guess what um i had a wet dream about you last night yeah a little bit like that yeah right 100 yeah yeah yeah it's got to be it's giving up a bit too much it's i just think it's a beautiful name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, nothing personal. I was just thinking of your ass. Yeah, yeah. Well, thanks, Jess. Thanks, Jess. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. Wow, this is quite a name.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Matt Draddy. Oh, I owe you 50 bucks now. You said that'd come up. No, look, I'll be honest. I thought Matt Daddy would come up. Oh, right come up look i'll be honest i i thought matt daddy would come oh right yeah i'll be honest like i could you know there's a bit of smudge on the on the on the little slip yep i could have gotten away with it but i'm too honest for that i really thought someone called matt daddy yeah subscribe but i was so close yeah this is like having like some box quinella

where i'm like ah fuck just one thing missed out. Holy shit. Yeah. I missed out on $100 right here. Matt Dreddy. Damn it. Damn it, Matt. Call me Dreddy. Matt Dreddy. Dreddy.

Fuck. But that's exactly it. I just want to keep saying it. Dreddy. Dreddy. Dreddy. Dreddy. Please, Dreddy.

Dreddy. Dreddy Warbucks. Yeah. What do you think if he has a kid and it's like you know growing up calling him calling him daddy daddy dreddy

dreddy daddy dreddy daddy dreddy do you remember do you like I think it's funny that when you're a little little kid

it's like mommy and daddy and then at a certain age it's like nah I'm an adult now yeah it's time for mum and dad. I remember very consciously being like, time to grow up and feeling like, yeah, I'm a big kid. But I can't remember it being like a thing where my parents are like, hey, you're too old to call us mummy and daddy now.

Please, mummy and daddy were my parents. Call me dad. Mummy and daddy were my mummy and daddy. I don't Yeah I don't remember that But yeah what is the line in the sand Because it is a weird It is kind of a weird thing

That we That we culturally just have Like a version of it For little babies That's longer And so you would think Harder to say Yeah

Than just going like Like mono syllables Well my little Little blanket Just says mum Okay Doesn't say mummy Yeah

And says Da Day Not dad Day I'm day Day Well, my little blanket just says mum. Okay. It doesn't say mummy. Yeah. And it says day. Not dad. Day. I'm day. Day. Yeah. I've had a lot of mornings at the moment that have been my wife getting up, knowing that I'm tired, knowing that I've been out late or whatever, doing gigs and stuff, running

gigs, and then going out, sneaking out with the baby and then just the baby just running into the room. Loves a good light switch. It comes in at seven o'clock, hits the light switch, goes, hey, day. And me going, great. Cheers. Thanks. Maybe that's not her saying your name.

Maybe it's her going day. It's the day. It's daytime. Oh, she's hitting the light switch and creating day. Yeah. Making it day. Turning the sun day. Stay time. Oh, she's hitting the lights. Get up, you lazy fuck. Creating day. Yeah. Making it day. Turning the sun on. Exactly.

Maybe. But, yeah. Man, I'm going to teach her to call me Dreddy instead. Instead of day. Yeah. Dreddy. Dreddy. Dreddy.

Dreddy. Yeah, just steal this guy's name and use it as your own nickname with your child. Puff Dreddy. Mm-hmm. Yep. There's got to be more. What else is there, Daddy? Dreddy.

It's just so good. Dreddy Cool. Dreddy Cool. Dreddy. That's good. Dreddy Cool. That's very good. Daddy.

Daddy. Dreddy. Dreddy. Dreddy. Matt Dreddy. Matt Dreddy. This is like the hardest one we've ever done Because there's

There's not that much to say about it It's just fun to To make the noise Yeah Dreddy It's fun to say But also there's There's more in it

I feel like I want it all When we've got When we've got such a juicy name like this There should be more in it Dreddy Dreddy Dreddy

Dreddy Judge Judge Dreddy That's a bit of a long go Oh Red Dreddy. Dreddy. Dreddy. Dreddy. Judge Dreddy. That's a bit of a long go. Oh, Red Dreddy. Red Dreddy. There we go. Reddy Dreddy.

Reddy Dreddy. Oh, man. That's good. Reddy. Oh, Reddy Dreddy. Yeah, because it should be, past a certain age, he should have changed his name to Matt Dredd. Oh, yeah.

You know, you're a grown-ass man now. Matthew. It's time to give up this Dreddy stuff. Stop being Matty Dreddy. Yeah. And become Matthew Dredd. Matthew Dredd. Come on.

I'm 11 now. It's Matthew Dredd. Oh, mum, don't call me Matty Dreddy in public in front of my friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm in high school now. I'm not a little kid anymore. I'm 12 years old. Oh, Matty Dreddy in public in front of my friends? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm in high school now. I'm not a little kid anymore. I'm 12 years old. Oh, Matty.

I hate you. You'll always be Matty Dreddy to me. You'll always be my little Matty Dreddy. Matthew Dredd. It's actually Matthew Dredd. Dreddy. Yeah. Well, Matty Dreddy.

Great name. Great name. We haven't asked this for a while, but please, let us know. Let us know what the name Dreddy has got you in over the years. Yeah. We'd love to know. Let us know in the Aware group or in the Millionaires group.

That's for Patreon subscribers. I'd like to know. I'd like to know your... Just the Millionaires group, thanks. All right. I don't think the plebs should be privy to this. Oh, this is not free content? No.

Okay. No, come on. This might be the thing that gets someone out there over the... All the dready heads out there. Yeah. They're like, fuck, I've got to know if the great man's going to chime in and hold court in the group. Yeah.

I've got to know what he's got to say for himself. Don't care for supporting the show. Don't care for the bonus content you guys are putting out. But I do care for the history of Matty Dreddy. Matty Dreddy. Dreddy. Dreddy. Dreddy. Okay of Matty Dreddy. Matty Dreddy. Dreddy. Dreddy. Dreddy.

Okay, thanks, Dreddy. Thanks, Dreddy. Thanks-y, Dreddy. Oh, fuck. I feel like that's given me brain damage. Yeah. Just saying Dreddy again and again for what felt like 25 minutes. I could do it so much longer.

Really into it. I normally do last longer. You know, I normally can do it all night. I just I must be tired or just stressed or something this has never happened before

this is embarrassing this is never I swear this has never happened before okay it might be just you getting older you know

yeah yeah yeah it's when I drink thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Beck Thornton oh hello any relation to who Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Beck Thornton. Oh, hello. Any relation?

To who? Sigrid. Beck might be sure for Sigrid. This could be one of those weird abbreviations that doesn't use any of the letters in the original name. Yeah, it could be. Someone pointed out sigrid thornton's house to me really the other day yeah driving past it and they're like it's where sigrid thornton lives and it wasn't what i'd expect oh really yeah what what what did you expect and what what was it well i don't know it's like i don't know maybe it, I just, it was very just like standard unassuming house.

Right. You know, someone in the biz I would have thought a bit more opulent. You thought. I mean, Australian celebs, I'm not expecting like mansion. You were expecting an assuming house. Yes. I wanted there to be a lot of assumptions. Yeah, yeah.

When someone's famous and rich, you want an assuming house. Yeah. You want to walk past a house. It goes, Tommy? Yeah. You do a podcast, don't you? Oh, my God. You look like it.

A rich person must live here. Good guess. Oh, yeah. Wow. Oh, yeah. But, yeah, look, that's a very interesting thing. I think showbiz is one of those things where you see someone, fame instantly makes you think money.

Well, yeah, I mean, you would know this from having friends in bands, as I also do, the common misconception, oh, you're being played on Triple J. Well, there you go. You must be full-time with this band. It's like I have friends in a band who are popular on Triple J, and one of them was on Facebook like,

does anyone have any casual work going? Happy to do some shifts at a cinema or a bar? And it's like, yeah, it doesn't equal any... Yeah, being in a... It does seem unfair that a very high percentage of people knowing your name in a country doesn't necessarily equal – like you would assume that that means like, yeah, easy street. But they might know your name from something 20, 30 years ago and there hasn't been that much since. Totally. It's unfair.

Sigrid Thornton is a good example of that where I've got no idea how her finances work. I'll say that. I'll admit that. I'm a big enough man. Well, hey, I could take you to the house, right? It's actually a house that's not too far from where we've done a couple of live shows in the past. Oh, really?

So if we ever do that venue again, we could just go door knock in the hour before and go, hey, look, if you want to just pop down the road, come do a little potty with us. If you just want to come down, I'm sure 500 drunk people would like to know behind the scenes on all the rivers run. What were the paddle steamers really like? Yeah, no, you'll love it.

We talk about cum for about 25 minutes, and then we call each other cunts. Yeah, it'll be great. I think you'll fit right in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got John Waters on the show as well, so it should be all right. That would really tickle me to ask her about all the rivers run in front of a bunch of baying morons while we're crowd surfing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Most of whom have no idea who she is. No, what all the rivers run is. Yeah, yeah. Man, that would tickle me. No, what All The Rivers Run is. Yeah, yeah. Man, that would tickle me. But look, good example because I would say, oh, yeah, I still remember her from that miniseries from 1982 or whatever the fuck it is. You've got to remember, you're not getting paid residuals off that show fucking 40 years ago. Yeah.

So what has she done in the last 10 years, 20 years, you know, whatever it is? She did Sea Change probably 20 years ago or something, didn't she? And hey, look, you know, people can be smart with their money. I'm not saying I think she's homeless or that a person's worth is, you know, decided by the money that they have in their bank account. Yeah. But you would think there should be, I don't know, there should be some kind of survey thing where it's like, if over a certain percentage of the population know who you are, you just get money for that.

If you're in the collective consciousness. Celebrity superannuation. Yes, yes. You just get like a little stipend off that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it just doesn't seem right that someone should not be benefiting off having that kind of cultural ubiquity. Yeah.

If you get like some sort of point system, right? All the rivers run, that's 10 points. Sea chains, that's 10 points. Yeah. You get it to a certain point and you qualify for the celebrity pension. Exactly. Something like that. I mean, this is a great example.

We're talking about her on this. Yeah. You know? Yeah, totally. That alone should qualify you for it. Yeah, yeah. There's a point. If you're able to just be plucked out of the ether talking in a podcast.

I mean, yeah, I heard the surname Thornton. Yeah. And, you know, went straight for that. That should count for something. Totally. People listen to this, they're all, you know, most of them, they're all in their head. They're like, yeah, I know who that is. And, of course, if they didn't, then by now they've Googled her.

Yeah. And they're like, oh, from that and from that. Of course. For a lot of people out there, she's now known as the person that was referenced on the Little Dum Dum Club. Yeah. Sorry. On Talking Dum Dum.

On Talking Dum Dum. Sorry. Sorry. Hey, let's not go crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's not quite pulling down. Well, she could be a guest on it. She could.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But. The Talking Dum Dum Boys could put in a word to the host of the Little Dum Dum Club. Yeah. Pull a favor. Get her on. No, but it is very, I find that very interesting because if you talk to someone who's been the manager of McDonald's for 20 years, you go, okay, I can do the sums.

I can do the maths. I reckon I know what you've been on and what sort of house you would have. But you talk to someone who's been on some famous show 20 years ago and then you haven't really seen too much since, you've got no fucking idea how that person lives. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's such a weird up and down profession. Even us, you know, we've had enough work over the years with the podcast and other bits and pieces.

Like we do better than some people we know in comedy who are famouser than us that we know that, you know, sort of struggle sometimes. Yep. So you can't pick it. No. In showbiz you need to be be not i shouldn't say be smarter about it but it's just it's very different from the way everything else works well you never know

because you can see yeah you can see someone who's on like a a few huge things in a row and then they just fuck around with their money yeah and then 15 years later they're just like living in an apartment yeah shit apartment. I'm not so much talking about Australia. I'm talking about like globally here. But then there can be someone who just like did a thing a while ago that was successful enough, three or four seasons, and they're just smart about it. They put their money away.

They save it. They make their money work for them and earn more money, and then they've just been fine off that for the rest of their lives. My girlfriend's gotten really into watching old episodes of Cribs and that's a great one for, like, she'll just go through the archives and find – like, she was watching one with Melissa Joan Hart the other day and that's a great example of, like, how does this person go for money in this day and age? Melissa Joan Hart?

Yeah. She goes really well, I think. I'm sure she got into stuff after Sabrina. She was on heaps of stuff after that. Yeah, but since, like, yeah, what have you seen her in in the last, like, ten years? Yeah. I'm pretty, we're gonna have to look it up.

But that's someone who it would go either way. Like, yeah, hearing that she's been on heaps of stuff and doing great wouldn't surprise me, but also hearing, like, no, she fucked it and she's one of those people you see pop up and it's like they're not doing well anymore. Yeah. Neither one would surprise me. Sure.

Okay. But Cribs is a great watch for like, because that show, like, I think it's like early 2000s. So there's plenty of people in there that are big at the time because MTV's wanted to go do a thing on them. And then, you know, you'd look back on them now and go, I haven't heard of that person since then in 20 years. There's no way they still live in this nice mansion. That's one of those, I quite like that on IMDb. Sometimes you find one of those names and you go through

and you just see dozens of things that they've done. You go, oh, okay, you're still working. You're working on a lot of absolute dog shit. You're doing, you went from being the lead in your own series to now you're doing a two-line role in one episode of How I Met Your Mother or whatever. I've got a feeling she's made money out of showbiz. Okay. Yeah, I might be wrong. You know what?

I'm absolutely wrong. Quite the opposite. I just read, in May 2009, Hart opened a candy shop called Sweethearts in Sherman Oaks. Hart commented it had been her childhood dream to own a candy shop. It closed two years later due to a lawsuit from a former employee alleging

wrongful termination and racial discrimination. Yeah, she's like mega right-wing now. As well as other issues and afterwards reopened under the same name with new owners. In 2015, it closed permanently. Wow. Well, I picked that

absolutely wrong. Yeah, and she's like a Trump person, I think. Is she? I think so, yeah. Yeah, she's like a right winger now. So, official stance?

She's a libertarian. Ah, right. Also, I'm always like, I don't quite understand what that... I've never looked into it. I don't give a fuck, but that's bad, isn't it?

No, it can be. But it's more like I just want to be able to do fucking anything. Right. Like, I'm not really... That lends itself to being a bit of an arsehole, to be honest. Yes. But I don't think it's so much like it's necessarily tied to any kind of political belief or party. It's just like...

Selfishness. Just no one should be able to fucking... Yeah. I'm probably getting that quite wrong, but yeah. She has expressed support for increased gun control. Oh, that's something. I thought it was going to be the other way around. Okay.

All right. Well, that's confusing. Yeah. Well, anyway, Melissa Joan Hart, no friend of Talking Dumb Dumb. Sigrid Thornton, however. Yeah. Well, you know, I would say she's got an assuming house. I would say after all that, still, Melissa Joan Hart, she'd have to.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yep. Big assumptions about her assuming house. Yeah. I can't quite tell from here. But I reckon she'd be doing okay.

I reckon she'd be doing okay. If she's not on Cameo, I'd be fucking surprised. Oh, yeah. She'd be making... She could pull down some good money from Cameo. She'd be making a mozza on that thing. She used to annoy me quite a bit on Sabrina. I'd watch it all the time, but she used to annoy me.

She talked too fast. I have no memory of that. Bad habit of talking really fast. Okay. Well, we got there from Beck Thornton. Thanks, Beck. Thanks, Beck. No relation to Dave?

Dave's got, Dave Thornton's got a, you know what? He's got a bit of an unassuming house on the outside, but it's a bit of a, it's a bit of a TARDIS on the inside. It is.

Hoo-wee. It's good shit. Yeah, maybe. I mean, maybe that's what's going on with Cigarette HQ. Could be the same thing. Yeah, yeah, hopefully. Man, I was really impressed by Dave Thornton's bathtub. Okay.

Yeah, he's got one of those real fancy baths, like a standalone thing in the middle of a room. Yep, yep, yep. In the middle of a room. Yeah. look in the middle of a room yeah just the living room i think it's the bathroom okay right i think it was the bathroom yeah yeah yeah yeah um but very fancy very nice the sort of thing where uh my wife would be like yeah yeah let's um let we should buy a house and then like completely renovate it it's like cool How are we going to do that? Because I don't know how to. That's the thing she sort of says.

And we have a door that we never use because it's like stuck. And it's been like that for like two years. And none of us know how to fix it. And she's like, yeah, we should buy like some huge house and renovate it. We can't fix one door. At the moment, there's a door completely off the kitchen where we keep the glasses, the kitchen cabinet. There's a door on the ground.

It's been there for two weeks. We don't know how to put the door back on. You know when people renovate their houses, it's not all like the block where they're just in there literally doing it themselves. You're contracting people to come and do it for you. You're not being expected to pull up the floorboards by yourself. I know, but she doesn't think that either.

She'll say, oh, we can just do stuff ourselves. Right. And she goes, oh, my brother's pretty handy. I'm like, he's not going to want to come around and fix a house for six months. Yeah. She's got a very weird idea about how this sort of stuff works. But anyway. Thanks, Bec Thornton.

Thanks, Bec. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Christina Panic. I love this. Or Panich. Yeah, yeah. I've seen this one

on the socials a bit. I hope it's Panic. P-A-N-I-C-H. Christina Panic. Panic. Let's go with Panic. Big like comic book kind of name.

Really? Superhero kind of name. Really? Yeah, a little bit. Christina with a K, which is good. Christina Panic. Panic. Without the H, maybe.

Oh, if it was just... No, that's what I mean. If it was just straight up, if it was spelt like... If you were that... Panic. If you were Christina, you'd drop the H. A big time. Right.

Yeah. Give it a fleety. Yeah, fuck. Beat me to it. Yeah. But yeah, no, that is a great name. That is a great name if you drop the H. Yeah. But yeah, no, that is a great name. That is a great name if you drop the H. Yeah.

I'd be... You know, a lot of those families, you know, they'll say, oh, we come over from Eastern Europe and we came to Australia and we acclimatized and we just... You know, they Englished up their name or whatever. Yeah. That's what I'd be doing. I'd be getting off the boat, dropping that H in the harbour.

Yep. Just go with panic. Good looking name. Dropping the H in the harbour. Yeah. Perfect. The perfect place for it. Yeah.

Yeah. Good looking name. Mm-hmm. Just, it'd be a pleasure to write every day. Yeah. Until you got to the very end. Yeah. And you're having to do that H.

You're like, yuck. What a waste. Of course, we could be completely wrong and maybe it is spelt. I mean, pronounced panich. Panich. Panich. Panich. Panich.

Our guest is out the front, by the way. Oh, really? I got distracted for a second. Yeah, I thought that. I mean, he's early. Yeah. So, it's kind of on him. For the next six minutes, it's on him.

Okay. And he listens every week too. So, he's out there and it's kind of on him. Yeah. For the next six minutes, it's on him. Okay. And he listens every week too. Yeah. So he'll be out. He's out there and it's, I'll tell you what, it was the last day of summer yesterday. Yeah. And the climate has just changed immediately. He's out there shivering his little fanny off.

And then 24 hours later, he's going to listen to this and just know why. Yeah. He just kept him waiting out the front. Yeah. To talk about the letter H. I've got the thermals on. Yeah. You've got your little long johns on under there no no no no just the just the jacket just just mix it up um yeah look he's out there he's ready for a bonus patreon episode that's what's happening there

um whereas we're here uh talking about how christina picks up christina picks up at night clubs by coming up and saying, Christina, panic. Want to come back to my panic room? Yeah. Don't panic. I'll suck you off. Stop panicking. Imagine a man panicking because he wasn't getting sucked off.

I can't come. I can't come. I'm full. My dick's blocked. Oh, no. My balls are dragging me to the ground. I'm so full. I'm full. My dick's blocked. Oh, no. My balls are dragging me to the ground. I'm so full. I'm gone.

I feel sick. What am I going to do? Don't worry. Zip. Here comes Christina. Oh, God. That's awful. Sorry, Christina.

Sorry, Christina. Sorry. You had a beautiful name, and we had to drag it down to our level. Again, we've got this guy waiting out the front. We know he's going to be listening. I feel like we've got to have some spicy stuff in here for when he listens back. Yeah, we're in the panic room. What if she's like, look, it is panic, but she saw the name.

She's like, it's too good to not use. I'm in a panic room. I've got my own panic room. What? You know, panic room? just trying to get it over the line yeah just trying to you know it's sort of close enough on paper isn't it not really no sorry christina sorry about that yeah yeah paniche yeah paniche panache yeah yeah it's kind of hard yeah it is it's halfway between panache and panic. Yeah. She goes with Christina, which is like with K-R-I-S-T-I-N-A,

which I like, but it does remind me of the bass player in Nirvana. Here he goes, Chris. Chris. Novus Chelek. Novus, yeah. Novus Chelek. Yeah. Chelek, whatever it is.

But he goes with the K-R-I-S. And he's like real fucked now, isn't he? I think he's. He's like real right wing. he's got bits of fucked. I mean, look, no offence to hard right wingers out there who are fucked in the head, but yeah, he's one of you, I believe. Yeah. Yeah.

Which is bad. Which is a bad thing. Yeah. And you're bad people. Yeah. No offence. No offence. But stick your head down the toilet.

Yeah. Yeah. No offence, but that's just, you know, it's like saying, no offence, but there are four heads on Mount Rushmore. Yeah. It's just a fact. No offence. I hope this doesn't offend you, but with all offence intended, get fucked.

Right, right. Oh, well, there's no offence for me. But there's no offence. It's just a fact. Yeah. If you're offended by a fact, man, it's a tough life out there. You know, people... The sky being blue really irks me. if you're offended by a fact it's a tough life out there you know people the sky being blue

really irks me yeah gives me the irrits yeah thanks thanks Christina thanks Panic Room alright we better go

we better go we'll just do one more coming out now just do one more oh sorry hmm I'm just texting

Pablo Francisco to say I'm going to tell him in now. Oh, right, right, right. Okay. Fuck. We'll bleep that out later. We don't want people to know that's on next week. All right, let's do one more. Okay, thank you very much to Patreon subscriber.

Oh, Daddy Comedy. Wait, Daddy Comedy or Daddy Comedy? That's what it says here, Daddy Comedy. Oh, Daddy Comedy. Oh, thanks, Daddy Comedy or Daddy Comedy? That's what it says here, Daddy Comedy. Oh, Daddy Comedy. Oh, thanks, Daddy Comedy. Daddy Comedy. Well, thank you to Daddy Comedy and thank you everyone who subscribes to the Little Dumb Dumb Club on Patreon.

Patreon.com slash Little Dumb Dumb Club. Get yourself two bonus episodes every week. Head to littledumbdumbclub.com. Get tickets to one of our upcoming live shows. We've got the merch there. We've got all that kind of stuff. We're in Adelaide real soon. Yeah, see you on Saturday.

If you come to those Adelaide shows, looking forward to that. And we'll see you next time. See you, mate.