The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 548 - Live! Ed Kavalee, Nina Oyama & Brett Blake (with Nick Capper)

Episode Date: March 31, 2021

They've done it again! We're back in Melbourne for our month of HUGE live shows! This week we're getting primed for the launch of Planet Westgate, our pop-up burger restaurant, with ED KAVALEE, NINA OYAMA and BRETT BLAKE! Ed's got some Planet Hollywood stories for us (not quite sure what it is about our idea that made him think of them), Brett's out for revenge after we roasted him in Adelaide, and we get the audience to vote on which one of Nina's stories we should hear. PLUS we debut the mascot for Planet Westgate!  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode recorded live in Melbourne with guests Ed Cavalli, Nina Oyama and Brett Blake. This episode of The Little Dumb Dumb Club is brought to you by Tom Ballard. Oh! In his new show, We Are All In This. I went and saw this the other night, like the big comedy fanboy that I am. I was hooting and hollering, I was slapping my own thigh. I did genuinely really love it. You guys all know Tom.

I know him. One of the oldest friends of the show. Yeah. Been on dozens and dozens of times over the years. Devoted hours of his life to this fucking rot. He was on last week. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

No, very funny. You know what? I've seen him in the club spots at the moment, and he's smashing it. Yeah. So he's doing very well. Worth your while, guys. I went with some friends, and yeah, they all loved it too.

So yeah, go check it out. He is at the Melbourne Town Hall now until April the 18th. You can get your tickets from comedy.com.au. And if you pump in the code TIMMYBILLIARDS, you'll get an error reading. Yeah, you get to sit on the stage and have him do a little lap dance for you during the show. Sure.

All right. So, yeah, go check out Timmy Billings. Also, come and check us out. We've got our stand-up shows. You know, my show, Meatball, it's not sponsoring the little dum-dum club this week. Oh, we're not getting any money out of it? We're not getting any money out of it.

All right. Why are we mentioning it then? It is on now, if you're listening to this, hot off the presses until April the 4th, 7.30pm at the Coopers Inn. Selling up very quickly. So, yeah, get a ticket. Come down. Looking forward to seeing some of the wearies there.

And then starting, I think, basically right after I finish, right? We have Carl Chandler in. Please call me Carl. Mr Comedy was my father. Exactly. 6th of April kicks off. It goes for a week and a half to two weeks, whatever it is. 8 o'clock, 8.15 most nights.

There's two shows that are straight after Live Dum Dum. So if you come into the 3rd and 4th Live Dum Dums in Melbourne, kick off straight after that. You can be in the same building, come along, and you've already been lubed up by Live Dum Dum and then get absolutely ploughed anally by, please call me Carl. And yeah, of course, the new date for our Perth show, April the 24th, Saturday, April the 24th at the Rosemount Hotel.

You should have been emailed about that already if you have an existing ticket for one of the other dates that we couldn't make. Yeah, it's a Saturday afternoon gig, prime drinking hours, if that's what you're into. Instead of some people that have hit us up to go, thank you for changing it from the Sunday, because we were a bit worried about it, about drinking and going to work the next day. Anyway, hey, let's get on with the show.

Yeah, cool. Let's enjoy this new one live in Melbourne. Ed Cavalli, Nino Oyama and Brett Blake. Hey, mates! Welcome! Yeah! Once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. With me is always the other half of the program, Carl Chandler.

G'day, niggas. Oh, lovely to be here. We were in Brisbane last weekend, so it's great to be anywhere, honestly. Check it out, in the new world we're all living in. You know, Tom Jones has panties thrown at him on stage. We've had a fucking mask. So no one wants us to fuck him, but we can give them COVID apparently. I think that probably would have happened even before

this. Like, you're up there, you're disgusting, cover your fucking mouth. We don't want to hear what's coming out of it. Welcome down to the official before party for the grand opening of Planet Westgate. The show is a mere formality that is, to be honest, in the way of us

all stuffing our faces and having a little nap at about 5.30. A little non-delicious entree. Yes. Yes, exactly. It is funny because some people have said to us, like, is it going to be legal that you're sort of running your own restaurant? I'm like, what could go wrong?

Oh, that's right, we named the show after fucking suicide. So, okay, maybe. I might actually sit here. This looks a bit better. See how the other half live. There is... Do duck sandwich! Fuck, this is pretty good.

I can see what you guys like about it. It's actually pretty nice out here, mate. Yeah, always nice to meet a fan. People at home, Tommy is sitting in the audience. Yeah, thanks for getting that photo with me, Dad. Yeah, all right. Oh, my dad is actually here though, so it's not even really a joke. Tom, you

cunts are all packed in. Tommy is literally the only person who's like isolating at all. Yeah, yeah, I'm spread out. I mean, this is very familiar for me. I've been self-isolating in audiences for years. Alright, alright, okay. Wait, what about this? Mr Chandler, Mr Chandler! For people at home, Tommy is killing

it, physically. A great ad for people to come along to the live shows. They could have seen Tommy go off stage. Well, no, don't encourage them to come because it's the reason that they're not here that I was able to sit in those four seats in the front row. Right, right, right. Anyone want them, honestly.

Yeah. God, you guys, like, it's not safe what you're doing. Someone sit in the front row. Yeah. You, at the very least, it's not safe what you're doing. Someone sit in the front row. Yeah. You, at the very least, why don't you lay down? Treat yourself. Like you're watching Rex Hunt on a Saturday afternoon. Come on, mate.

Fucking. But to be fair, I know how many seats are out and I know how many people bought tickets. One, two, three, four. That is $100 in the Skyrocket for free for us. Very nice. Thank you very much. Very nice. Hey, very much. Very nice.

Hey, I'll do this quickly off the top because I think this is good. So we've got a new tech for the run. We've got Andrew Doodson, Andrew Doody Doodson up the back. Give him a round of applause, please. The first person to ever make the coveted leap from guest on the show to tech of the show. Yeah. If you know we do that with Kappa, we're in big fucking trouble.

So I was on the way in going, fuck, I'm not sure if I've got much to talk about today. And then I get in his car and he's got the number plates, Peri 1. And I'm like, what's the story behind that? And he's like, I don't know, that's not

the person who used to own the car, but the person before that, that's their number plates. Who fucking hangs on to personalised number plates throughout three generations? But then, so it was his sister that gave him the car and then she bought it off someone else. And so apparently, what happened, we got the story, we got the ghost story of what happened.

So the third generation Paris 1 owner of the plates, the wife really, her heart was set on, she always wanted to go to Paris. So he bought her those plates instead. That rocks.

That is so fucking good. Anyway, then they got divorced. Anyway, then Doody had a look through the car the other day and found the engagement ring.

Wow! Under the seat. Someone's just fucking gone, nah, I don't want to ever remember this again. That's incorrect. Can we get someone to run it down to Cashy's right now and see what it's worth? See what we can get for it.

Meanwhile, fucking Doody's still driving the car around reminding the wife of the fucking horrible experience that's happened. Yeah, I can't wait for like in 45 years' time for someone to have a story like this where they're getting a lift and they're like, why is your number plate comedy? I don't know. I bought it off some guy who bought it off some psychopath who killed himself tragically. Why have you got number plays, got him?

And why have you got it on a tuk-tuk in Thailand? Just a little reminder of home. My former life. This is exciting stuff. We're about to go down and we're about to have the grand opening of Planet Westgate, our hamburger restaurant. Now, I actually just went and met Leon for the first time. He's been, you know, he's been...

We've been posting about... He's our official cook, Leon of Leon's Smash Burgers. Yeah, Leon's Smash Burgers. He's been... You know, we've been posting about this on social media during the week. He's been getting involved as well. He's been kind of, like, posting about us a lot, like, looking. But every time he's posted about us doing an event with him,

he's used a screen grab from the film Dumb and Dumber. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, this guy doesn't know us, he doesn't listen, but he seems to have figured it out pretty fucking quickly. Yeah. Also, what I love is, like, what it says about our listeners is that we've seen in the last couple of days, people couldn't fucking wait.

There's been a bunch of people that went and found him a couple of days ago anyway. It's like people are like, oh, who's going to be the guest on the show? It's worse than that. You come to, like, I can't wait to hear what the fucking burgers are like. Yeah. Just drove to the fucking airport to find out, oh, who's going to be the guest on the show? It's worse than that. You come to like, I can't wait to hear what the fucking burgers are like. Just drove to the fucking airport to find out. Oh, yeah, so they can come back to all the other listeners and go, it's meat and cheese, everyone.

Yeah, you wouldn't think you had to issue a spoiler warning for the grill, but here we are. Fuck. So you went, big nurky in the front row. You've been down for a preview. What did you think? Excellent stuff. Did you upskirt the burgers as well?

Yet another sweet pair of buns for me to photograph. I thought, that's pretty niche, but then everyone's laughed at it. The ubiquity of the upskirting of Fred Nerg. Exactly. No, just upskirting. Just upskirting in general, yeah. What are big fans of the concept in the room?

Just like watching our hobby come to life up there. This is awesome. I think he's talking about us. What else you got? I've got to have a word with you, by the way. You put up a photo of me earlier that's really sent me into a tailspin. Oh, yeah, you put up... I don't want to have any burgers now because of you, you fucking animal.

Can you somehow fucking sit on the roof instead? If you're going to take photos, can you get a better fucking angle? Yeah, actually, put your fucking phone away now. Actually, can we go Chappelle style? Can you put that in a velvet bag at the door? Nerky working for NASA gets a photo of the black hole that gives it self-esteem issues. I look so fat! Good on you, mate.

No, this will be good. I'm really looking forward to the burgers. I've done my preparation by not eating. I haven't eaten since... When was the last time you ate? Late lunch yesterday. Yeah, and I'm on the pints. This will be good. You'll be fucking going

nine-nines before the burgers, I reckon. I'm looking forward to it. If anyone, I might actually listen to the podcast for the first time because I will not

have any memory of it. Yeah. If you're sitting near Chandler at the burger opening, you're a big chance of getting a Happy Meal, which is the chips,

a burger, and a fucking D&M from the great man. I just really miss her. Yeah, I do. Mama Ninja, you mean? This is kicked in early. So what did you have for lunch yesterday?

What was the last... Did you have like a salad or did you have something kind of like... I had two Indian meals. Okay. Yeah. That's what's been sitting inside me for 24 hours. Very nice stuff. Yeah, yeah.

Two Indian meals, a rice and a cheese. What do you mean by that? You got two curries from the same place? Yes. Or you had an Indian and then you walked past another Indian and did that? I had one and went, you know what? Let's do it again. Yeah.

Yeah. Right. What did you get both times? And it's the one in the front of your house. Oh, the one right down the bottom of my house? Yes. Or the cheap one? No, the one out the front of your house. Okay, right. The good one. It's really good. Let's name it.

I can see why you got two. Let's name it. If it's so good, let's name it. Hmm. Actually, I don't remember the name. I've never had to look it up because it's out the front of my house. You're just yelling in the back door, Hey, cunt, butter chicken me up. Yeah, yeah.

They do. They share a car park with our building. And the number of times I've been tempted to just... I can't be fucked going all the way around. I just want to stick my head in the kitchen and go, Just a fucking butter chicken, thanks, mate. No surprises there. A white guy's yelling out and he'd like a butter chicken, thank you.

It is a good smell in your car park, actually. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. Tried to gas myself in there the other day. It was fucking delicious. As the fumes are coming in, I'm like, just smelling the butter chicken, it's like a reminder that there is something to live for. I'll get the hose out of the window and go and get some naan.

I'll unhook myself from trying to hang myself with a naan bread. So yeah, butter chicken and what did you... Because that goes without saying. That would have been one of them. What was the other one? Wait, wait, wait. Hang on. I'll see if I can guess it within 12 yes or no questions.

Okay. Go for it. Go for it. Go for it. Go for it. Is it a dish from the 90s? No. Is it a lesbian dish?

It was some sort of cheesy Indian. You know those ones where there's like cheese balls in fucking curry? Oh, like a sag paneer? Something like that. Yeah. Something like that. Yeah, yeah. The last time you ate and it's just completely left the memory bank. Yes. Yeah, yeah. I know butter chicken. I don't know anything else. Yeah. Something like that. Yeah, yeah. The last time you ate and it's just completely left the memory bank.

Yes. Yeah, yeah. I know butter chicken. I don't know anything else. Yeah. It would have been a snake paneer, I reckon. God, this is good stuff. Yeah.

Might go sit back down there again. Yeah. See if I can experience it from the other side. Let's get a guest on. We've got plenty of great guests. We've got plenty of great guests. We've got plenty to get stuck into. Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Ed Cavill.

Wherever you want. Yeah, great to be here. It's always nice to see empty seats in the front row. Good times. Yep. Who are we waiting on? Who are we waiting on? Oh, yeah.

We got told there was like 25 people hadn't showed up. It's really taken the piss, isn't it? I'll tell you what, they're missing out on their thrill. A little upshot for you. Yes. There you go, Nerky. Who wants an upshot? Anyone want in for an upshot?

Actually, 20... I'm going to hit the back row if I need to. With 25 people not turning up, we're nearly back to what we should have in here. Are we over capacity, are we? Yeah, thanks to those guys for making it legal. Thank God. What is the plan, by the way?

I'm sure I wasn't listening to the opener, but I'm sure you did an extensive fire safety plan. If one of the chandeliers blows, I know that one of our other guests is a lighting technician, but if one of the chandeliers blows, what is the evacuation process? First of all, spoiler alert for telling everyone that the next guest can fix lights.

It's a show for a lot of people. Was that a secret? Yeah, it's all secret. They didn't know you were going to be on. I didn't know I was going to be here. I was just hanging out. I was just downstairs. Clearly, from the way you're dressed, yes.

Mate, no shorts on stage, okay? I was just teaching PE and I thought I might as well come and hang out. That's where you met your wife, isn't it? My wife, look at this guy. He's going to upshot me. Oh, there we go. There we go. There we go.

You know what he did too? He did the universal language of the upshorter. When he took the photo, he went, double eyebrows up. Yeah. I can dig it. Have you met our official photographer, Benny Hill? I know. It's not the click sound, it's just yackety-sacks plays out of his phone. Yackety-sacks. Good on you.

Yeah. So you're excited. So the reason that you're here, to be honest here. It's always a set up with these two. No, no, no. They go, come and do the show. And you go, great. And then you sit down and they go, all righto. Some of your career sucks. Let's go through it, shall we? Page by page.

No, not at all. Not at all. No, what happened was we saw the post. So Leon, our friend Leon of Smashburgers, the new cook at Planet Westgate, he was putting out some promo work. And I was like, I don't know why, how bored I was, but I went through who had liked it and I saw Mr. Ed Cavill had liked it. I was like, of course, Ed is an absolute connoisseur.

He's somehow found that ad through Instagram. And then we were like, fuck, let's get him on if he's interested. Yes. Well, no, burgers, look, burgers are my thing. I got a wife and a child, but my real passion in life is burgers. That's who's number one in the wheel. Exactly right. Jesus first.

Jesus, burgers, wife and child. The latter day saints first. I think you'll find. Shout out to them. What ever happened to the former day saints? Great question. He's got a new one for the show. He's testing out gear.

Please call me Carl. Mr Comedy was my father. Playing at the Imperial Hotel 815. I'll tell you, that's a great title. Oh, thank you. It's a really, really good title. Thank you. You know what?

More people have told me it's a great title than have bought tickets. Well, you've sold zero tickets. That's a start. Yeah, no, look. First things first. So I don't know if I should be saving this, but we're talking about the Westgate Burger. Planet Westgate. Planet Westgate.

It's a great idea. A bit of respect for such an established restaurant. Sorry. But you guys do. Your promotions, your Thailand stuff is fantastic. The podcast's Thailand stuff is wonderful. Carl's, not so much. Am I right?

Thank you. It's a cover, yeah? No. Yeah, it's a cover. It's a front. Yeah, it feels fronty. It's sexual money laundering. It's the title of my show this year.

So, yeah, no, but Westgate, what is it? Planet Westgate. Planet Westgate? Planet Westgate. Righto. We've modelled it on Planet Hollywood. I know exactly what it's modelled on because we're going to get another guest. Sorry? Should I save it?

No, no, no. I was ordering. Oh, his hosting instincts are kicking in. No, no, no. I'll throw you some nickelback. You saw me gesturing off stage like one thing. You were gesturing. I wanted a beer, not another guest.

Oh, is that what that was? Can I get one too, please, if that's okay? Yeah. It's a pretty tight ship here. Yeah, yeah. It's good. Yeah, so Planet Hollywood. Yes.

Oh, so yes, it's quite a funny parody of Planet Hollywood. You know, it's really good. So people remember that there used to be a... The idea was for Planet Hollywood is that big movie stars were going to start a burger joint and they were going to take over the world and it was going to be like Hard Rock Cafe but with movie memorabilia. Arnie, Bruce Willis and co. And Sylvester Stallone.

Yes. That was the basic premise. The three biggest action heroes of the day. Sorry. Sorry. Actually. Sorry. Actually... I just like to supply some context on the show. For the people out there who don't know who Arnold Schwarzenegger is...

Well, not everyone's seen your impression in your Comedy Festival show so far. Get to the chopper! That's fresh. It's really good stuff, isn't it? That's fresh. Anyway's really good stuff, isn't it? That's fresh. Anyway, so Planet Hollywood, for my 18th birthday, on George Street, the one in Sydney on George Street, they were having an opening of Planet Hollywood.

And 20,000 people rocked up. They had to shut down George Street. And Sylvester Stallone came out. And he stood on the top. And everyone chanted Rocky, Rocky. And it was the best day of anyone's life. And my 18th birthday was four days later and somehow my mum got me a table and my friends

to have my 18th birthday at Planet Hollywood. And people were like, what do you mean? You saw the actual gremlins? Gremlin? What do you mean? You sat near it? You saw Gary Busey's strap-on from that movie he was in? What movie was that? You wouldn't know about Yeah, yeah. You saw Gary Busey's strap-on from that movie he was in? Yeah, yeah.

What movie was that? You wouldn't know about it, mate. You're like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Too niche for you, mate. Too niche for you. Yeah, you're like Arnold Schwarzenegger set it up. Your friends are like, who the fuck's that? Can you give us some context, thanks?

Or one of the biggest action stars of the day. Oh, yeah, that guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Anyway, but now it's a really sad relic. Because now it's called the Star Bar. And it's still there. And not even sadder, they do stand-up comedy there.

That's rough. That is rough. You know you're falling on hard times. Next time I'll be having podcasts, the poor bastards. But they're still kind of... I know that place because the logo, it looks sort of sim. They haven't changed it too much. But it's all faded. They took off the words Planet Hollywood and put on Star Bar,

but it doesn't spin anymore and it's all sort of faded. And there's still some sort of shadow of the old logo probably there as well. Yes, yeah, right. It's like Lazy Moe's. You know Lazy Moe's? They brought a bunch of old pizza huts and just painted the roof purple. But really it's that hut shape. Yeah, which this must not be on

because that's dynamite stuff. No, but that is great. I think you'll find that Lazy Moose is one of the most popular chain restaurants of its day. There we go. It lacked context. That's why I didn't get it. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. Like smorgas. Right. There we go. It's back. It's back around.

I can dig it. Alright, should we get our next guest out here? I reckon. Sure. I reckon he's a lighting technician. Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Nino Royama. Hey, in the house. Welcome aboard. I don't know. I just sat here. Wherever you like.

Wherever you like. I'm taking the middle seat. Can you fix the lighting once you sit down? Oh, yeah. It's so funny that this always happens at live shows. Guests sit up the back of the room and see how ramshackle all the rest of it is and then they come out and they assume, well they must

want me to sit in a specific position. As if there's any planning to fucking anything that's going on up here. They booked me 15 minutes ago but they're going to be very clear on what seat I have to sit in. You're in the good chair. Don't worry. I'm in a good chair? Yeah, that's a good one. Maybe I'll just go over. Oh, no, we saved the good one for you.

Okay, cool. Wait, I've got a Starbuck story. Yeah. I've got a Starbuck. So the comedy night, you know how it's super shit, right? It's really... I don't give a fuck if I'm called cops. But it's run by this guy called Dante D1, and if you're good, he blacklists you.

It's like, if you're a good comedian, you don't get on after doing the spot at Starbucks. Oh, wow! Yeah, yeah. So Cap is on every night. Cap is on every night. They've got this shitty board as well. It's like a blacklight board, and they write your name on it in shitty pen. If you're too good.

No, if you make it onto the bill, and then people always take a picture, and they're like, my name's in lights. And you're like, no, it's written on a shit pen board. You've got a fucking star bar. Why Dion D... Dante D1. Yeah. Please, a little bit of respect.

I have a story about him. He's just a weird fucking dude. Here we go. He just sucks. He's up next, so let's... So fix the lights. Yes. So he, when the Black Lives Matter movement

really kicked off in the middle of quarantine, he had something on his website that said, Star Bar Comedy is the only place in Australia that supports the Black Lives Matter movement. It's true. None of mine do. Flex. Strong flex. So everyone's on stage doing five minutes whilst kneeling down.

Is that what's happening? Yeah, with their fist in the air. Right, right, right, right. How do you know you're blacklisted? So how does it, you know, I mean, after Dion, Defcon 1, like what happens? Like how do you know that you're no longer welcome? Oh, because he doesn't reply to your text messages.

Should we text him now? Yeah, let's see if we can get on. Yeah, I'm not salty. I'm not salty at all. Can you text him? But you're blacklisted for being too good. No, no, he just we can get on. Yeah, I'm not salty. I'm not salty at all. Can you text him? But you're blacklisted for being too good. No, no, he just blacklists people for random reasons, but it usually, like, once people start doing well,

they don't get invited back. What an odd system, though. But I'm still on, so... There you go. That's not true. I'm not on, but it's because I said I was sick. I was, like, sick to a... I was not sick to a gig.

What the fuck? I was, like, I was really ill and I cancelled the gig and then after sick I was like sick I was not sick to a gig what the fuck I was like I was really ill and I cancelled the gig and then after that he was like nah you're not getting on so wow

yeah that's dumb what I like here is you've come up and you've got notes on your hand like you're ready to go how many stories have you got for this podcast

no I just wanted to oh this is notes from last night oh fuck that then I thought you'd prefer this no I just I wanted to remind myself of Starbar.

Oh, right, right. Yeah, because I don't have a good memory because I used to smoke a lot of weed in high school and also now. Like today I was supposed to be doing work and instead I went and got weed from a dum-dum fan. Oh! Yes!

Oh, wow. And he couldn't make it to this one. Perfect. I need to go to this one. Perfect. He couldn't make it to another one. Perfect. He's got time to sell drugs to you, but not to rock up. Hang on, no one said that. He's on the clock.

Hang on, hang on. But we did it in the most Melbourne way as well. Like, we went to Brunetti. And we got a coffee, and then what he did was he got a spare takeaway cup, and he put the weed in the takeaway cup. Oh, my God. And then so it looked like we were both just having coffees but I was like fake sipping from this empty cup with weed in it.

So you drank the weed? Well, I didn't drink the weed. It stopped at the little. It was like, well, it's a nug. It was a solid nug. Yeah. All right. You're just getting the aroma, just like testing it out.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, great. But he sent me a link to what kind of weed it was and everything. A link? Really? Yeah. Has it got a MySpace page? How come we don't know this guy? Yeah, hang on. I'll show you. Let's see what it out. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, great. But he sent me a link to what kind of weed it was and everything. A link? Really? Yeah. How come we don't know this guy? Yeah, hang on.

I'll show you. Let's see what it is. I'm keen to know. How come we don't know this guy? Who's this guy? I don't think we can name him on the show. Show us his name on your phone and we'll see if we recognise him

from the socials. I don't want him to get done by the cops, but I'll show you the link because it was pretty funny. Yeah, show us his profile. Wait. Let's see if we know this guy.

Is this guy? Oh, I know that funny. Yeah, show us his profile. Wait. Let's see if we know this guy. Is this guy? Oh, I know that guy. Yeah, give me a look. We can't say who he is, but he is a lighting technician. That guy has got a pretty reputable job, I believe. Yeah, well, then let's not name him. What is the link, though? Is there like a Wikipedia for marijuana? Yeah. Yeah, well, then let's not name it. What is the link, though? It tells you...

Is there like a Wikipedia for marijuana? Yeah. It's the week's LinkedIn page. Oh, my God. I've got the... No, no, hang on, hang on, hang on. Now we have a sealed section, okay? I feel like I should be...

Okay, hang on. I feel like I should be... I'm going to have to do this during the week. Jesus Christ. Fuck. Clear my schedule. This is great. All right, sealed section.

Sorry, everyone at home. It starts now. The person who sold marijuana... No, he didn't sell it. I got it for free. Oh, well. All right. Even better.

But I paid for the coffee. Not a crime. No money's changed hands. Not too bad. Not a crime. Look at her now, Dionne Defcon 1. She's getting a free wee. And I support Black Lives Matter.

There you go. Take that, Dion. Well, since we're in the sealed section, I don't. Kidding. I'm obviously kidding. Fucking hell. Yeah, that was actually the three people who was up in front. Tommy kicked them out. No, no, no.

You know what, though? Just on that, this is the most Unabomber you've ever learned. Let's take that out of the sealed section. Say that again when we're out of the sealed section. That can be in the normal section. You are dead set one camouflage backpack away from getting hauled in, mate. Oh, bro, I'm an Asian woman. Don't have me.

Sealed section! It is a little bit worrying that Tommy's only one block away from Parliament House. We've got to remember to come out of the sealed section at some point. But fuck, it's tempting. Are we still in here? Sealed section. So, the person who gave marijuana to Nina Oyama last election ran for Parliament for the Greens.

Oh! That is fucking great. That is not surprising, I tell Oh! That is fucking great. That is not surprising. That is fucking great. Bob Brown's got to do something now that he's retired. Alright, are we coming out of the sealed section?

Absolutely for the Greens in both ways. Have we got it out of our system? Do the doot, do the doot. He also gives me legal advice. The fuck? This is so fucked up.

I thought I was special. And this cunt's messaging everyone. Yeah. Man, I got fucked boyed by my weed dealer. This guy tried to get me to write for him. And I'm like,

fuck yeah. And then I forgot. Write what? Nice. Alright. Are we out of it now, officially out? I don't know how to feel.

Okay, we're officially out. Do you want to, have you got anything to say in the sealed section before we get out? In the sealed section? Yeah, have you got anything secret you want to get out? I believe that the sealed section could also be the cancelled section if things don't go well. Coolies. Any dirt on Hugh's you to dish out from working with him that you want to get out in the sealed section?

It gives away weed. Give you some of that sticky icky. That's the great thing about weed is it's fucking vegan. Sure, he'd like it. You're right. He's all for that type of thing. No, no, he's great. Let's get a guest.

All right, all right. We're out of the sealed section. Let's welcome our final guest for today. Please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Brett Blay! There he is. Oh, my section. Let's welcome our final guest for today. Please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Brett Blay! There he is. Oh, my God. Brett's got biblical.

For those at home, he is handing out a glass of red wine to all that are seated. Here we go. He's well done. Everyone's got themselves a glass of red wine. Sorry, guys. I just came from a great gig called Grapes of Mirth the other week, and now I'm a civilian there.

Speaking of angry cunts who blacklist you for no reason, Carl care to explain? I get it, so the context of this is you were supposed to do an Adelaide gig, you went to a winery instead you fucked us over, you made us get... Yeah man, I really fucked you over I did an awful thing, what I did was I gave you 7 days

notice because I was paid 10 times as much what a cunt, anyway can you imagine that? I got a message from Merrick Watts going who the fuck is Carl Chandler and why is he abusing me? And I said, I don't know him. Anyway, he's just some open mic-er

which is technically true. Hey, I run open mics, alright? That's slightly different. Sorry, mate. Sorry. But I'm here, guys. There was no Grapes of Mirth this weekend. It was great to listen to... Thanks for fitness different. Sorry, mate. Sorry. But I'm here, guys. There was no grapes of mirth this weekend. Thanks for fitnessing. Man, I'm a busy guy. But it was great to listen to the podcast and have one of your best friends wish the plane

went down. Yeah, that's right. Which actually nearly happened because the plane started going down and we were all not paying attention. I maybe was drinking beers. Who knows what was going on. And in the cockpit, all we could hear was, pull up, pull up, and like, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, pull up.

Like, just all the warning signs going off for five minutes, and we're all shitting our pants. And I was like, finally, the voodoo doll that Carl has of me is fucking paying off. I was like, that fucking cunt. And also, the last thing I was thinking about was you, which made me really angry. Yeah, that's mortifying.

It wasn't cool, like my girlfriend or my mum. It was just your fucking drawn out eye, cunt. Anyway, I was like, and the plane was going down. Your last thought being like, I wish I'd said this to him. Fuck. My last phone calls, fuck you, cunt, bang. You know what I mean? It's like, pull up, pull up.

And we're all shitting. The pilot lands and he goes, yeah, it does that when you land on a non-airstrip. It's like, how about you let us know before that, cunt? I've just shat my pants. I imagine you were also doing the game that you have to do when you're on a plane like that, is doing the who's first in the newspaper when they write the story. Oh, yeah, definitely not me.

No, no. Well, this cunt's been on a private plane before. I was actually looking around. I was like, it was between Merrick Watson. It's probably Tommy Little. You know what I mean? He's pretty good looking. He's more current.

He's more relevant. Yeah, interesting. He's more current. You know what I mean? They'll be like, no, no. Trust me. He's been on SAS Australia. I mean, it's no TV, but anyway.

Oh, yeah. Tommy Little going down and the State Memorial Gudinski style being at Rod Laver but it's just full of previous Tommy Little conquests paying their respects.

Man, it's a great place to pick up. There'd be like 300 beautiful women just lining up. All going, but I was going out with him. Yeah, yeah.

Not even in the sealed section, guys. God, you missed some good stuff earlier. People at home imagine what was in the sealed section. This wine is actually dog shit.

Anyway, sorry about that. Sorry, I'm a sommillionaire now, guys. A sommillionaire. Is that what you just said?

What's that mean? A sommillionaire. I googled it before. I am a sommillionaire. I like it. I googled it before. It's a wine person. It's a sommillionaire. I like it. I googled it before. It's a wine person. It's a sommillionaire.

A wine person. Yeah, I mean, if it goes well, I guess you would become a sommillionaire. No, a wine expert's a sommillionaire. But I thought you were putting it together with a millionaire because you got paid so much to do the gig. Yeah, I'm pretty loaded now, guys. I was loving it. It was $70.

So can you imagine what Dum Dum pay? They pay you in PTSD. Anyway. Technically, it's the hundredaire, I believe. Hundredaire, yeah. Is that really a word?

Millionaire. So, sommelier is a word and so is millionaire. So, sommelier, sommillionaire. Yeah,

so a sommelier is someone who's got rich from doing wine gigs. That's what I thought. I loved it. Oh, no, no. Exactly. No, let's go with that, Ed.

That's great. That's the thing you learn about, Brett. It's never deliberate. He had to ask me the other night if there was a T on the end of the word laugh. It can be. You know what? Sometimes I'm vulnerable around you guys and you fucking turn on me, you fucking rats. If I was really turning on you, I would have said yes so that you posted it with a T.

Fair enough. I thought, I'll do the right so that you posted it with a T. Fair enough. I thought, I'll do the right thing now so I can feel less guilty about filing it away and burning him on the pod in front of paying customers. Good for you. Thanks to you, there was one word on Instagram that was spelt right. Hold on. Words are for nerds, guys. Don't worry about it, all right? Nina.

Nina, so I did talk to you during the week. I was like, oh, you're doing the pod. Have you got anything? And you're like, fuck, which one do I choose? Which story do I choose? I thought you were going to say the other thing that I suggested, which is that opposite the burger stand, I just set up a glory hole.

Nina was like, fuck your burger place. I've got some competition. Yeah, and you can either get sucked up by me or get a burger. Yeah. But you can't get both. Fuck. For everyone at home, there's a lot of big smiles in this audience. Because they're keen on burgers.

Yeah. A lot of big, fat, lonely smiles. You can either get sucked up. And again, no private message to Nina during the week. Thank you. Unless you got free weed. Unless you got free weed. That's the only kind of DM that's acceptable.

But yeah, what should we pick from the great Nina? What have we got on the wheel? Which one? Okay, I got one about how I ate mystery meat. Yeah, that's pretty good. But like good mystery meat. Again, is this a glory hole? Damn it!

Moroney yeah It's going to be hard to beat I like that one Yes I got one about how I did a shit On my lanyard at work Okay Relatable

It's in the wheelhouse Let's hear the topics of all of them And then we'll put it to an audience vote Yeah Yeah right I got one They're probably the best ones What about the other one

I got one about how I did a gig And someone crawled on stage To find me after the gig. Oh yeah. Yeah, at Laugh Out Proud. It was just pretty cool. It was like in some stadium gig. Yeah. Yeah, it was in a stadium. It was in like a 1500. Anyway, it was cool. Yeah. It was good.

I feel as though after the first two premises, that one didn't land as well. Yeah. Because that one was me doing well and no one wants to see me happy. That is... Alright, so we're going to do it? Clapper meter? Yeah, or there's one other one that I think you've said

that you've kind of threatened to tell a bunch of times and never quite gotten around to it about you getting groomed by a clown. Wait, I haven't told that one here? No. But I feel like every female comedian's got that story, you know what I mean? That sounds fun. That sounds fun.

They all sound good. Well, I can, yeah, I'll tell that one too. Do we put it to the, what do you think? Clap-o-meter? Do we go? Hang on, hang on.

Are you asking, should we do the clap-o-meter by claps? Is that what you're asking then? So yeah, you say the premise in clap-o-meter and most claps... Mate, we've all done

theatre sports. Calm down. I really looked at your Wikipedia before I came on today. I would have looked at yours, but it doesn't exist. Yes! Funny and true, Ed. It was only for the TV

bird one, now we're good. Before the show, Ed furiously came up to me and was like, where's Brett? I've never met Brett. Can you find Brett so I can introduce myself to him? That's the weirdest thing thing because we've actually met seven times. You know what I mean?

As soon as I saw you, I was like, oh, fuck, yes, we have. In my head, I was like, this is a man who's planning to get up there and fucking burn him

and wants to do that. I know you don't want to. Are we allowed to do any lighting chat? No, it's boring. It's not. It's not. Have you got any good questions

about lighting? Yeah. No, Nina, let's get back because there's excellent premises that we're going to miss. Guys, later. We'll hear a Nina story and then Ed gets one question to Brett about lighting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come here.

These are all park hands and they're all 300 watts. There you go, Ed. It's true. They are. It's hot, man. God, you love watts, don't you? That's a hot story. Globes, Merricks, whatever it comes in, you're fucking right there sucking it off.

It makes sense. It all makes sense. That's classic millionaire behaviour, you know? That's how we roll. I was in on a plane going down with Watts. Come on, that was my right. Clap if you want to hear Mystery Meat. I'm into that.

I'm into Mystery Meat. People are saving themselves for clowns. That'm into that. I'm into Mystery Meat. Yep. Clap if... People are saving... Look, whatever, but people are saving themselves for clowns. That's my pick. Clown stuff? Clown? Clap if you want to hear

Shitting on the Lanyard. Yeah! That's a bit of a lie. Okay. I mean, Mystery Meat and Shitting on the Lanyard, it's pretty much already there. It's a beginning, middle and an end. You've led with the punchline, haven't you?

Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, Groomed by Clown. There we go. There we go. The eyes have it. We want that. I didn't plan a story for this, so I'm just going to tell you what happened.

Don't worry, we'll punch it up. Yeah, okay. Or we'll put it in the sealed section, whatever. Yeah, no, it's cool. I don't care. So when I was 12, I was a kid's birthday party clown. Oh, God, all right. Mystery me. Mystery me. Mystery care. So when I was 12, I was a kid's birthday party clown. Oh, God, all right. Mystery me.

Mystery me. Mystery me. So this lanyard. That's all right. You guys. Just pretend you're 18 in this story so we can all stomach it and jump on it. You're an 18-year-old man, and what happened next? And I met a 12-year-old clown.

Yes. Tell the reverse of the story from the clown's perspective and then it's safe and the clowns I work for so basically there was a few of us like aged from 12 to 16

that worked for these clowns oh god at least I'm not I don't think it's not 300 I reckon at least 900 I'm sweating up here you know what I mean

they're real hot lights yeah I was wrong Ed I was wrong yeah god I wish I was on that light plane going to that Graves of Mirth gig right now. He's like, pull up.

Nah, push it down, cunt. I want to go. We'll have a good five-minute episode. You asked for it in her defence, so... All right, so we were called, like, the mini-clowns, I guess. Hang on, you were a clown? I was a clown when I was 12. Oh, really? For kids. Like, I was in charge of kids and I was a kid. on, you were a clown? I was a clown when I was 12. Oh, really?

Like I was in charge of kids and I was a kid. You were a fellow kid? I was a fellow kid, but I was dressed as a clown so they couldn't tell. It's like the beauty of being dressed as a clown is nobody can tell that you're also a kid. Undercover kid. Ageless. That's like the old clown, he's like, I'm also 12. It's not weird.

That's like the old clown He's like I'm also 12 It's not weird I don't know 12 year olds drove around in a Range Rover That's weird And my bosses

were like this 40 year old couple called Fucking hell Please bleep their names when No No they're too funny.

Yeah, and also, that's not their real name, I believe. No, it is. Can't find them, you know what I mean? Yeah, you can. Is it actually their name? They changed it legally. God, there's a lot of work to do in the back end of this one. Sure, that's probably what the clown's going to say later on in the story, but...

Good time. That's a good time. Sorry, you's going to say later on in the story, but... Good time. That's a good time. Sorry, you have to bleep this out again, Tommy, but **** is the girl's name and **** is the guy's name. Yeah, they were a husband and wife team.

Right, okay. Please call **** Mr **** was my husband. You're only making work for yourself. Oh, ****! You're only making work for yourself. Oh, fuck! You're only making work for yourself. I'll just leave that in.

People are like, what the fuck's he talking about? He's talking about... Let me get this straight. Their names were... C-H... Was there a T on the end of that? No, sorry.

And. Okay, got it. No, I think they were as good spellers as Brett Blake. Brett Blake, come on now. You can at least pronounce it right. Have a bit of respect. Is that your name? Brett Blake.

Is that your name? Whoa. Fuck, who are you? Ed Cavill No no Because the Ch** was spelt So if you google it

And you can find him C-H- Ch** Oh Ch** I know We don't want to besmirch The other Ch**s

Exactly So normal Poor old Ch** I'm looking them up You guys talk amongst yourselves Are you looking them up Oh man

I'm going to book For the burger joint So So And I'm going to up. You guys talk to yourselves. Are you looking them up? Oh, man. I'm going to book them for the burger joint. So, so. And I'm going to be in the glory hole, so I'll see you guys later. To get a fucking hamburger. That was one of the options, you sick fucks. That's on you.

All right, so. Sorry, Mr. Daslow, for swearing. Anyway. You know I love you, Dad. Sorry, guys. I will not be getting this guy to fix my fence now, is what he's saying. I know.

I've still got to go over and fix your fence. I'm sorry. Can you stop watching tonight? This is all a character. Were you about to say, Ed, can I fix a fence? Can't have a look at me. Of course I can fix a fence.

I'm so impressed. That's great. Okay, so no one say the clowns' names again from here on out. Well, all right. Did you find them? What do they look like? Yeah, that's them.

Is that them? Yeah. That's where a young man... Now, look, they've got one review which is five stars and... Best fuck I ever had. But you're right, Brett, there's no photos. There's no photos. Which is weird for an OnlyFans account.

That's why I'm there. But they call it... Yeah, yeah. So that was their company. Enter your prize. Your prize is your dot. Look at this. They've made a blog for families,

and they've made the best five clowns for kids, and they're in the top five. Yeah, they're good clowns. I love this. We've only heard the names, but they haven't heard any details in the story other than the name. So, Nina.

So, um... All the blogs just weeping face emojis? No, but there's someone called Rusty the Clown who seems fun. Don't let him play the trombone, Am I right? That's good stuff. That is great stuff, man. So, Nina, Nina.

Yeah. The aforementioned family of clowns. Yes. He's quite happy with himself. I love it. I guess the Unabomber's into it. Oh, that's great. I'm going to shout that out in my next manifesto.

Sorry, Nina. Sorry. No more interrupt. I won't interrupt again. Sorry. No, no to shout that out in my next manifesto. Sorry, Nina. Sorry. No more interrupt. I won't interrupt again. Sorry. No, no. It's funnier than the actual story, which is weird. Oh, fuck.

So basically, like, where do I be? So we would have, like, clown sleepovers. Oh, God. What? Yeah. And they're, um... Oh, see? Yeah, that's sad.

No, no, no. People are intrigued to know what happens at clown sleepovers. Oh, the other thing about when you're like a little, like a child clown, like people... A little clown. Yeah, people don't know you're a clown, so they like give you alcohol, like I'll be at a party and they'll be like, have champagne and stuff.

Two people are getting undressed on stage as you're talking about clown sleepovers. Just getting bothered hearing about the clown sleepover. Under these 900... Nice. Thank you. I do feel like I'm at the solarium. They are very hot.

They are very hot. Can you turn them down? Can you turn the heat down? Yeah, can you do this? There would be a dimmer switch at the back board there. You can do that. There you go. Yeah, man.

This is the Miss *** lighting setting. Not that much, can you? It's actually ***. My mistake. Sorry. Sorry. Yeah, the other thing is that, like, when we... So we had to go through clown school. Like, you do eight weeks of, like, clown college. Eight weeks? Like in The Simpsons?

Yeah. Well, I'm... Yeah, I assume so. Oh, too young for The Simpsons. We get it. Fair enough. But we had to go through Clam College, and then we learned balloon art and face painting, and we learned how to talk to kids.

Painting faces with what, I wonder? What's your best animal? What was your best animal? I reckon my best animal was a giraffe, but here's the other thing. Either a snake or an eel. animal was a giraffe, but here's the other thing. Either a snake or an eel. Use your imaginations,

cunts. I'm too busy getting drunk and fucked by a chick. They didn't need the balloon to make that animal. For the love of God. But yeah, but in the balloon, I remember like week six was balloons, and they taught us all the animals.

Week six? Yeah. And then at the end of week six, balloon week, they're like, look, there's drunk mums at clown gigs a lot and they like to have balloon penises. So here's how you make a balloon penis. And I was like 12, I'd never seen a real penis. And I was like, all right.

Because you were what, 12 at this point? Yeah, I was 12. Did you say I've never seen a real penis? And he goes, hang on a sec. Wow. What a travesty. And were you ever, is that true? Was that something that happened at these things?

Yeah. Would people get drunk and ask for that? Yeah, and I did a Mother's Day gig where it was all these fucking super drunk mothers and I made them all different colour penises. As the hat ones? Yeah, I made the hat ones. I made ones that they could put on their wrists. And they spent the whole time.

They had this like 18-year-old waiter called Nathan who was like quite attractive. And the whole time they were just slapping him with their balloon tics. Can we look up Nathan? That's a bit of fun. That's a bit of fun. I think Nathan's like changed his name and moved country. Good work. Yeah. And I remember like when we were doing clown college,

they were renovating their backyard because their backyard was fucking disgusting. They kept being like, yeah, we're going to get a spa bath. It was the main thing. They were like, we're going to fully renovate it and we're going to get a spa bath. We were all like, yeah, cool.

Wow. But we didn't know. On the plus side, you can make your own floaties so so the so the actual grooming side of this story this is all just kind of like happening in the in the back yeah so it was stuff like um they were it's not that fun whatever then so they're like whenever we had a clown sleepover in the morning, we would have to cuddle in their bed with them and their dogs. I really regret asking you. I'm sorry, everyone.

I've got this great documentary I'm about to play about Jeffrey Epstein. It should really lighten the tone. I just want to say, though, nothing ever happened to me. Oh, okay. Nathan, I'm here on the set. So you've had that experience at 12 and gone wow that was a weird pervy experience that I went through in the world of clowning

I know where I'll be safe from stuff like that comedy well this is the weird thing though is I've been like weirdly surrounded by pedos my whole life you're alright we're fucking right here and I still am today My wife is 40 years old In 2040

No, but like So when I was a kid I did gymnastics And I was like, 6 years old I did gymnastics And when I was 10 the gymnastics teacher got done For having sex with a 13 year old student And he was 40 So you heard the weirdness from the clown story and you thought let's do more yeah not intentionally and then i went to a dance school called rd dance and this was a super

high profile case is like um when i was 12 i did dancing same time as the clowns actually actually the girl from the clown school i met her through dancing anyway anyway but the teacher at the dance school was called Grant Davies and you can look him up. He's got all these charges against him. Are we allowed to look him up? You're totally allowed to look him up. You don't have to bleep his name. But he was like, stuff was going on at the dance school

and later he got done for being a total pedo. So then like, when I became a clown and all that stuff was happening I was like, yeah, that's just... Fuck, I wish a Grapes of Mirth gig was on right now. So, Ed, have you got any light questions for Brett? No, no, look. Well, yeah, so we were just discussing

how they're lying about the lighting in The Revenant, which I was really enjoying. They actually were, guys, so if people don't know... So that film with Leonardo DiCaprio, he's like oh i lived in the with the wild and i ate a liver and it was real we did it was real it's never real and the whole thing was we didn't use any lights we didn't use any lights and it always seemed like bullshit to me and bust them uh well technically the light does bounce around because they're on snow so that

was reflecting it and also they cut and shape it but that's a boring story it's not i've got an exciting one for you like a 12 year old boy got fucked on the set of The Revenant. Please quit. Not again. Go on. Mate, the big dog is coming in strong. I got asked to audition for a major Hollywood film in the last two weeks.

Oh! Did they tell you the actual name of it? Or was it like a... Behind the Candelabra 2. As if I know that reference, Khan. And yes, if it's funny. Yes. Yes.

Okay, what's a famous documentary that's... Not a documentary, TV series that was on during the pandemic that everyone loved? Tiger King. Tiger King, baby! Is this the Nicolas Cage one? That's what I'm getting at. Oh, yes. So I got asked? That's what I'm getting at. Oh, yes!

So I got asked to audition, and so I'm not playing Tiger King, which obviously is the weirdest part of it, because I've got the mullet, I'm ready to go. I was asked to audition for his toothless boyfriend. Yes. Fuck yeah. The first, the second one, the guy he marries. Yeah, the guy he marries.

So, and I rejected it. What? What are you doing? Wait, wait. Which toothless boyfriend? Sorry, sorry, back up. The one that died or the one that lived? No, no, he lived.

He lived. The guy that lived. The boy who lived. One tooth and I rejected it for two reasons. Not because it was any other reason. The main reason I rejected it was because they sent me 12 pages of dialogue and I couldn't be fucked reading it. It was too much.

It was too much. And the second one was I heard Nicolas Cage was a method actor and I just know because he's a fucking weird dude from the film industry that he would try and suck me off at some stage. And I know that I'd let Nicolas Cage suck me off so I had that story and I didn't want it to ruin Con Air for me. Is that weird?

No, it's not because also Joe Exotic has a Prince Albert. He has the piercing through the end of his penis so Nick's going to have to get that too. You have to do some method sucking. No, no, no. Let's go back to my story. He sucks me off, okay? That's a cool story.

Is it too late? Hey, you can join my glory hole before the burgers. But yeah, they sent us the actual script and were like, we're really keen to see you read for this. And it was like eight to 16 pages and I just couldn't be fucked. Anyway, I'm here now and it's real paid off. I've only sold 15 tickets to my Brew Dude show today, so please come after this. Thank you. and I just couldn't be fucked. Anyway, I'm here now, and it's real paid off.

I've only sold 15 tickets to my Brew Dude show today, so please come after this. Thank you. How long ago was that? Are you able to go? It was only six days ago. Oh, sorry, I was wrong. I've read it.

I love the material. I want to be seen. You've got to do this. You've actually done the right thing. By saying no initially, they'll be like, oh, maybe not. My other school of thought, if I say no, casting directors start, you know, because you guys were... You tried to cut me off on my fucking Maxi Bon ad one year.

You remember that? You guys were going to jump in. We didn't try and cut you off. We got asked to audition as well as you. Yeah, they were trying to scare me, and I said no, and then they worded you guys up, and then they... Yeah, and then we auditioned, and then they caved after they saw our audition.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They gave me heaps more money. It was great. Thanks, guys. No, I just... I'm not an actor. I can do myself. I can do myself at a ten or a two. You know what I mean? I can be like louder or I can be quieter. You'd be perfect

in a George Lucas movie. Can you be quieter? I haven't experienced that one. Well, not after a fucking few vinos because, you know, classic millionaire behaviour. This is so devastating. You've got to... I've never got more angry emails from you. I don't know what you're doing.

I mean, mate, right now, can we write it right now? I'm sorry, I was... I've got the script right here. I could probably read it out. Yeah, exactly. Just do it on this and send that in as your self-tape. That actually would be good. Mate, you have stories till the end of time. Nicholas Cage. So Nicholas Cage is retiring from acting in two years. Oh, really? Exactly. Just do it on this and send that in as your self-tape. That actually would be good.

You'd have stories till the end of time. Nicholas Cage is retiring from acting in two years. Oh, really? He said, that's it, I'm done. And this is Tony Martin's joke. So if Nicholas Cage is retiring in two years, that means we've only got another 24 films to enjoy. But he's at a point now where Nicholas Cage knows Nicholas Cage is funny. And people think he's nitty, but he's not.

He knows he's funny. And this is the thing that's going to make everyone aware. Like when Jean-Claude Van Damme did that JCVD movie, and everyone's like, oh, he's nitty but he's not. He's just, he knows he's funny and this is the thing that's going to make everyone aware like when Jean-Claude Van Damme did that JCVD movie and everyone's like, oh, he's aware of the joke. He is right into this. He's funny, mate.

This would be, you'd have stories for the rest of your life. This is crazy. Yeah, kind of the funniest story is if you just don't do it. No. You know what I mean?

No, no, no. No, no, no. Oh yeah, I could have been at home today just fucking not killing in bed. Yeah, it would have been great. Yeah, man. Everyone chooses Elaine.

This is mine. But, man, if I get it, then you go, you know, I won't be doing this shit for a start off. You know what I mean? So you're welcome. That's very true. You're doing us a big favour here. If you honestly think about it, this sounds psychotic,

and this might not be funny, but I guarantee it would be funnier than a 12-year-old getting fucking groomed. Give it to me. Tommy made me tell the story. The main reason I had a big joint, and then I was like, man, imagine if you were famous, then cunts start speaking to you on the street, and then all of a sudden you've got to hang out with DiCaprio.

He looks like a fucking knob. Obviously I'd nail it and they'd give me an Academy Award. And it would ruin my stand-up. I would be unrelatable to you cunts. You know what I mean? So to be honest, I'm doing it for you. Brett, you're such a fucking idiot.

Because you know what would happen? Because I've got an heap of auditions. People would be talking on the street. No, okay, look, I also act. I've gotten plenty of auditions for quite high roles. And the thing is, they ask you to do it, and they never fucking pick you. Like, you've made the right call.

Have a look at me, mate, as if they're not going to get me into Tiger King, you know? I'm just saying, you're going to spend a whole day memorising 12 to 16 pages, and they're not even going to email you back. One day, that's generous. I love that you said the scripts. I was like, I only read half the email that they sent me about it.

I'm like, nah, nah, it's not for me. I love that you think you're going to be a superstar being like the 17th Bill in a fucking Nicolas Cage movie. Mate, it's the main character. It's the main character. You know what's going to be amazing now is that when this comes out, we'll be able to see who got the role that could have been Brett Blake.

And he'll have an awful life. He won't be able to walk around the street. He won't be able to watch Con Air because he got sucked off by Nicholas Cage. That's it. Everyone on the street, why don't you suck me off, you toothless cunt? Yeah, got him. Even just to know how they were planning on doing that. Because he's got teeth now, that guy.

I've interviewed him on radio. He's now gone and got the full dentures. But even to know if you were there and they were like, right, obviously you've got to match the teeth, what was the plan there? What would they do? Man, I'm method as well. Take them out, baby.

Yeah, all right. The same way he lost them. Man, I'll help out. I'll get on the glass pipe. I'll lose them naturally. I'm deep with the character. I'm deep. I heard there's a Dum Dum fan for that if you need to get in touch.

Also, of course if it's a Dum Dum fan who put it into a fucking fake coffee cup in a fucking pellet grate, just fucking hand it straight to their hand, you cunts. You know what I mean? There's a pandemic. No use in shit about a bit of fucking weed. We don't know what you're talking about. Oh, yeah, dude.

No, that bit was in. Oh, was, dude. No, that bit was in. Oh, was it? All the rest of it was in. It was just the name. It was the specifics of it that we took out. I mean, sorry, this guy listening,

we weren't talking about you. Great call. Anyway, I'm a major Hollywood star now, guys. I appreciate it. All right, so getting back to the burger place that opens in four minutes.

Yeah. What a great idea. Sorry, boss, I'm going to be a bit late to my shift today. Got carried away riffing. You know what it's like. Yeah, we've actually

got a little bit of business. Let's get into this. So what we've done is Leon said to us, what's the, Leon's obviously, Leon's Smash Burgers. He said,

what's the name of the burger? Because you're only selling one burger. So we thought, fuck, we better name the burger. So we've thought of a bunch of ideas and we thought maybe we'd get a crowd vote on what's the best name. Yeah, so we'll kick it off. The first one, McDonald's also, McDonald's do their McRib.

It's very popular, so we're going to have the McRick. It's only on limited time. Most of the year when you go in there it's not there everything's not Rick. Man, they've got the Oyama it's 12 year old braised beef. No, no, no.

No, no. They're not an option. Don't worry it's been groomed for years guys it is succulent. And it tastes funny. It's been sitting in the spa bath. They're not an option you can't vote a spa bath. Not an option.

You can't vote on that one. We've got the... What's the second one? We've got the Peg and Bacon McMuffin. Yeah. Yeah, you take that any end you want. Oh, the Nick Carr. Man, it's so funny that Nick Carr is now in quarantine

because he came from Brisbane. And I was like, as if he went to any of those sites. Oh, fuck, he's here. Oh, you Carr. Man, it's so funny that Nick Carr's now in quarantine because he came from Brisbane. And I was like, as if he went to any of those sites. Oh, fuck, he's here. Oh, you're back out. Yeah, no, you can leave. Yeah, yeah, it's all right. Thanks, mate. We're doing jokes up here.

Anyway, it's a new world for you. I was worried that, I was like, there's no way Nick Carr's got it. But I looked on the website and three of them were KFCs. I was like, he's full of the Ronnie. We're not quarantining from comedy up here, okay? He said, I'm back, baby. Man, those seven ticket holders tonight to his solo show

are going to be stoked. That means you can do Brew Dude. Sick. Thanks, man. We'll see you soon. The third option is the 34 and a half burger. That's dinner for one. That checks out mathematically, guys, so don't worry. And then the fourth one?

The fourth one, yeah. Oh, yeah, the fourth one. I believe that's called the Hughes burger. The Hughes burger. Imagine that. Imagine that. Imagine what that would sound like. Oh, opened up this burger. Opened up this beef burger. Imagine that. Imagine that. Imagine what that would sound like. Oh, opened up this burger.

Opened up this beef burger. The cow was all dead. Pretty good. Like Snakes Alive. It's classic. Yeah, thank you. This guy gets it. Yeah.

Thank you. The burgers are better at Hungry Jack's. Believe that was on the whatever DVD that he won an ARIA for. Did he really? Yeah, I haven't heard that story any. It's an honour to be nominated. Who did he beat out? Beat out, probably beat out Carl Barron.

Yeah, he did. Beat out Arj Barker. And? And the scared weird little guys. And Rodney Roode. I think he beat Rodney Roode. Beat out Rodney Roode. Rodney Roode.

Beat out Frog Sack. Beat the Roode. Beat the Rood. Open the sack of frogs, they're all dead. I've got a question about the Husey Burger. Yes. Does it come with a $4 million house? He'd be insulted by that. Oh, really?

$8 million house. Oh, yeah. You've low-balled him. You're thinking about the granny play. There's a guy with no teeth that doesn't need the work He should play Joe Exotic's boyfriend Yes I'll suck off Nicolas Cage

Suck off Ghost Rider Which, yeah, filmed here Yes, exactly In Melbourne, I also worked on that, thank you So should we do the vote? So you've already been sucked off by Nick Cage hang on

so you imagine the storyline now I was once a lighting technician on a film that he made and now I'm his co-star this is good status now I'm getting bummed by him in his trailer

it's rags to riches see that is remember me and he'd be like no but that's good stuff a lot like the Ed Cavill-y story

anyway I've met you seven times, cunt It wasn't seven It wasn't seven Alright, so Should we do a quick little vote Yeah, a quick little vote You're about to go and eat up at Planet West

Clap it up For the McRick I didn't get it, but I liked it What about the Peg and Bacon McMuffin? I like the Peg and Bacon. That's good. No one's going to... What about the 34 and a half burger?

That's going all right. What about the 12-year-old burger? I don't know. What about the Hughes burger? I should warn you... Is this an American election where no one votes? Bad turnout today. What's in it?

How about we all just call it Carl's the cunt burger? Yeah! There you go. I reckon the chef would agree after a few messages from Carl. Anyway. All right, there you go. That's nice. Carl's the cunt burger.

It's official. Thanks, guys. Bye. Have we got the results in? Well, we got... Yeah, we had the vote. It's quite easily Carl's. It's hard to tell. I think it was...

I reckon it was Carl's. Yeah, Carl's. I didn't mean to lead the witness, but it was Carl's. I can't believe you printed up Carl's account already. I've got an app on my phone that measures these kind of things. Okay, yeah, it says here the winner. Oh, this is strange. Is it?

We gave them four options. It's actually a fifth option. Oh, okay, right, right, right. option. There's actually a fifth one here. Okay, thank you very much. I mean, get ready to enjoy. Comedy Burger. That's great. That's great.

Well done, guys. There we go. That's a great idea. What a fucking sting. She didn't even get it printed in colour. Fucking hell, you're a tight ass. What a great idea. We've got one more thing.

We got one more thing, folks. Of course, you know, we are running our own burger franchise. We hope it will. It is officially a franchise now after we've done it once in Thailand before. And what would any good franchise be without a mascot? Please welcome onto the stage the official mascot of Planet Westgate, Ronald McDumbcunt. Yay!

A.K.A. Oh, fuck! Nina, no! I'm triggered! Oh my god, Nina! What do I... This is triggering. Of all the stories you could have gone with.

So what happens next? Why did you choose the fucking mystery meat one? Why did you choose the mystery meat one? All right, fine, Nick. I'll do it. I'll do it. Let's just get it over and done it. Get into the light more, for God's sakes.

It's time for... Someone get us a hot tub immediately. Nina, it's time for your sleepover. Oh, God. Is that you? I don't mean to trigger you. Nina, it's time for your sleepover. Oh, God. Is that you? I don't mean to trigger you. Please, please go to the front.

Please, please. People need to... Please. Get in the line. Get under the... Give him a hand, ladies and gentlemen. He looks fantastic. What a great... That is great stuff.

That is great news. You're not the only one with a sweet rig, Cavalier. I'm enjoying this. This is great. How's it feel? How's it feel, buddy? This feels good, man. Is this the sequel to Thank God You're Here?

Jesus Christ, can you fuck off? This is wonderful. This is hypnotic. I'll tell you what, honestly, the only thing you could have done better is you could have put a wig on. Just like the movie It. It smells like it came from a drain. I got a couple of burgers

available for you guys. I got the sad meal, which is good. Yeah, yeah. It's named after Carl's personality. Then I've got the engagement meal. It's a long story, that one, let me tell you. Just goes to show you, you can spend a lot of time writing material

or you can spend five minutes in Arthur Daly's and just get a far better result why would you pick up the pen when you can just spend 15 bucks and get this oh man this this this is so fucking awesome how far how far down like it's a little bit of a walk from here to the burger joint you're not you're not planning on... I hope you... I certainly hope... I certainly hope you're not planning on changing. And also,

Blakey, you're too good to audition for that role. This cunt is doing this. Fucking hell. I'm getting fucked in the ass as we speak.

Oh my God. Anyway, I'll see you guys down there. I thought I couldn't be humiliated more on this podcast. Oh, my God. It was good enough at the back, but this is great at the front. This is great. It's cold.

It's cold. They're 900 watts. No. This is the biggest it's ever going to get. Oh my God. Fuck, I bet you're wishing we just stuck you in the fucking tuxedo and sent you to China again, right? More dignified.

From where I'm standing, it's hypnotic the way that your braces are slightly caressing your nipples. I'm massively into it. This is great. I like you already, Kevin. We have met before. Anyway, guys, thank you very much. I'll see you guys at Westgate.

Ronald McDonough. Ronald McDonough. Ronald McDonough. He's dancing. He's lurching. Oh, crap. He's going into the front row. Oh, no. Oh, no.

He's trying to climb over people. He's into the second row. He's grooming you. Watch out. He's done an attempted crowd surf and people were not into it. Straight from Brisbane, baby. Well done. That was wonderful.

Oh, wow. Nurk's got a photo from his trademark angle. He's going to make Kappa's rig look Well done. That was wonderful. Oh, wow. Nurk's got a photo from his trademark angle. He's going to make Kappa's rig look like shit. That was amazing. Well done. You guys paying him? Yeah, I believe so. I hope not.

I believe so. I believe so. Once again, I wish Grapes of Earth was on. Anyway. Oh, fuck. Big shout out to the party supply store in Northca Plaza, folks. All that stuff down from there. Really?

All in one place. Get down there. Yeah, all in one place. All in one place Plaza, folks. All that stuff down from there. Really? All in one place? Yeah, all in one place. All in one place, that stuff. Costume designed by my girlfriend, would you believe it? Yeah, she found all that for me. Well, we've got to wrap this up because we've got a certain opening of a restaurant. Oh, shit, yeah.

Folks, we've got to wrap this up. Give a big round of applause. Brett Blake, Ed Cavill, Nina Royama. Thanks very much for listening at home and we'll see you next time See you mate And they've done it again Oh

They have Was that good? I think it was good Great I had fun Me too Think people in the room had fun?

Yeah It was fun One of those ones where I mean Sometimes you're in the eye of the hurricane and you're not quite sure. I was like, I'm pretty sure this is good. Yeah. I think I mostly was like, this is a good one. And then we had our little clown mate come out at the end and I thought, no, this has

just kicked it into the next gear. Hopefully, yeah. Hopefully that comes across on the show, guys. I know it's annoying sometimes when we have a bit of visuals and stuff. Well, it absolutely will not have come across because it's an audio medium. No, I know. But look, I do my best to try and supply a bit of context on the show because a lot of times things happen and everyone just rolls along with it.

But it did come out as a fucking clown with no shirt on. Yeah. With suspenders, a bow tie, a wig on. Rainbow leggings. Rainbow leggings. Very tight. Very tight. Very funny. But even just the description, it's like,

this still only accounts for maybe 2% of what you actually experience. But if you hop on the socials, we've posted, we will have posted some photos of it there and stuff. By now. I did have a very, very enjoyable laughing fit just looking at him on stage. It's not often. It killed me. It's not often when I,

I really appreciate the times where I really laugh really hard. And I was a bit out of control laughing at him on stage it's it's it's not often me it's not often when i you really i really appreciate the times where i really laugh really hard and i was a bit out of control laughing at him and just a great example of like you know you you try and write lines and you you know you work on these little ideas for sort of scripts and some sort of planned bits why fucking bother when you can go to arthur dailies chuck down 15 bucks and get that as a result. Honestly, why ever pick up a pen and paper when it really is just that easy? Those tights, the way you just fit into them was just, I was just looking at it from behind. I don't know why I found it so funny. Just the back of him.

I thought it was funnier than the front of him. Yeah, and the little belly hanging out over the suspenders and the leggings. Just really great. Shout out to Doris Rosemount for doing the costume design on that one. Nice. She was walking past a party supply store near her house, and she was like, you've got to check this joint out. I reckon what you need is all just on the one rack.

Wow. Truly, it was like the hand of God reaching down, where all of those things were just all next to each other on the one shelf wow it truly it was it was like the hand of god reaching down where all of those things were just all next to each other on the one shelf great it was like someone had come up with the fucked kappa starter pack yeah and just put them all in the one thing just the 7-eleven of dumb cunts exactly yeah um great and of course that all uh was the precursor to the big restaurant opening and closing that happened straight after we all walked walked up to the pop-up Planet Westgate straight after that and Full House. Yep. And the burgers at Leon's Smash Burgers, our little employees for the day.

They were out in the kitchen cooking up. We didn't really talk about this, but the potato slices, he came through with them. Yes. Came through with them. So there was like a meal deal, which was the burger, the double smash burger, the comedy burger, I should say. Yep. Then the potato slices on the barbecue grill thing. And then a chang, if you wanted to get the full deal.

So that was the dream meal for me. Yeah. I had three of them. Three meals or three burgers? Well, I certainly had three changs and I certainly had three burgers. I only had one slice. One chips. One chips.

One A chips. One A chips. Yep. Which is a shame. They ran out pretty quickly. Yeah. I didn't get any in the end. But I put away two burgers over the course of the night.

Yeah. Fucking great. I accidentally had three. I ordered one for our tech duty and as soon as I ordered it and paid for it, he rang me and said, no, I'm not coming.

So then I ate three burgers, which I didn't really want to, to be fair. But I didn't, and I was talking on the episode how I hadn't eaten for a day. I didn't eat for another day. Oh, really?

Yeah. Yeah. Yuck. But man, great burgers. Great burgers. Great afternoon. Yeah. I was there playing music dj if

you can call it that no mixing it was um that was very fun seeing you and a topless clown on stage it was pretty good yeah it was a lot of fun yeah and uh and blakey i think at one point it looked like a very looked like the chemical brothers but the chemicals were meth yeah exactly yeah yeah they were there for a bit and then they ran off and then it was just me up there by myself. Yeah. And then realising that I was like, oh, I've got no way of getting food.

So I got on the mic and I just was trying to get people to get food for me. Well, you couldn't, you were literally like three feet away from the kitchen. You could have just put your head around and put your order in. Oh, yeah, but I got to pay. Like, I had to go, but yeah, I sorted it out. Not only did I sort it out, I sorted it out and then I did it again.

Oh. Two burgers. Couldn't you just yell from the mic to order? That's what I was trying to do. That's what I was trying to do. But yeah, thanks to everyone who came down. Thanks to everyone who packed out Planet Westgate. And yeah, I mean I mean sold out grand opening

couldn't have gone better rest in peace now gone forever yeah so that's two franchises we've closed in two different

continents yeah in spite of having in spite of selling out and having a complete gangbusters opening night yeah I don't know what we could have

in both of these cases I don't know what we could have done differently to keep it afloat we did our best we did our best we did better than our best we did our best Busters opening night Yeah I don't know what we could have In both of these cases I don't know what we could have Done differently To keep it afloat We did our best We did our best We did better than our best We did our best

It went good And that wasn't enough Yeah So where's the next location That Planet Westgate Can pop up in I think we can only do them in One per continent

Oh okay Yeah So if we go to If we go to South America Maybe Peru Is the next The next time The Peru A lot of fans in Peru right Yep Um So if we go to South America, maybe Peru is the next time.

The Peru. A lot of fans in Peru, right? Yep. So I like that there's no real fixed menu. Because, you know, a Hard Rock Cafe or a Planet Hollywood, anywhere in the world that you go, it's more or less going to have the same stuff. Right. But so far, the two Planet Westgate locations,

one of them has been all Thai food and one of them has been Perkis. But... So it could be anything. You know what the consistent item is? Chang. Yes. There's always got to be a Chang beer in the mix. Yes.

Yes. Yeah. That's one Chang that will talk to me. That's the glue. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Just a loving... You know, I said that on the way into Doody. Doody was driving me into the gig, like I said. And I said, oh, you know what we're going to have? You know, we're going to have like a Happy Meal sort of thing. And you know what the drink's going to be? Chang. And he goes, oh, cool.

Just like in tribute to Ronnie. I was like, no. In tribute to the only fucking thing I drink in Thailand. He's like, okay. No interest. No, no, no. Just like, all right. Okay. Good for you. It doesn't really make sense. I would have thought Ronnie made more sense,, okay. No interest. No, no, no. Just like, all right. Okay.

Good for you. It doesn't really make sense. I would have thought Ronnie made more sense, but okay. Yeah. Sure. Okay. Well, yeah. It's also spelt differently to Ronnie's name.

So it's sort of technically not really the same word at all. I mean, we could have, in tribute to Ronnie Chang, we could have left all of the... Fucking glassed ourself with the bottle. Yeah. Left them out of the fridge for a while, the caps off until they sort of go off. Yep. And something's a bit wrong with the bottle Yeah, left them out of the fridge for a while The caps off until they sort of go off And something's a bit wrong with them Or you know, shaking them up before they sold it to people There you go

So you take off a little, they fucking go everywhere and ruin your night The after after party of Planet Hollywood Sorry, Planet Westgate That was really something Oh yeah Just us kicking on I felt, I don't know if you I felt really sick the next day.

I think someone spiked one of the eight pints that I had. I felt awful. I think someone spiked one of the three double burgers that I had. I, yeah, look, I wasn't ideal, but I did get home and do a thing I've been forgetting to do lately, which is consume a lot of water before going to bed.

You need to do it. Yep. So I wasn't that bad. But I got to the end of the day and I was like, you know what? I'm going to take one of these Thailand Valiums. Oh, nice. And have a big old sleep. Thank you.

Frankie. And I felt a lot better today. Frankie. What's Frankie? Frankie Valley. Oh, right. Oh, that's good. I didn't know that one.

On the Frankies. Oh, I't know that one on the Frankie's oh I never heard that one is that a thing it might be I think I just kind of cooked it up then oh that's good but maybe it is

a pre-existing thing that I've parallel thought tapped into I never heard it I like it one thing I remember from the night is

you booked me to do a spot at one of your showcase shows that you're running at the moment during the festival and I kept saying yeah I guess I better

head over soon for this late show spot. And you kept saying, it's not a late show. It starts at 8 p.m. Because we'd been going since about 3 o'clock. In my head, I thought, it's 11 p.m. right now. I just have this memory of consistently saying, all right, here at the late show. And you're going, man, it's quarter past eight. It's not a late show.

It's done at 9 o'clock. Even by the time it's done, it's not late. Well, you know what? Look, that sort of talk is probably a good prelude to this, announcing it properly, officially. By the time this comes out, I think we'll have this out. The drunk cast. It's been a long time making it official, but so it will be 10.30 on the last Sunday of the Comedy Festival, which would make that, make that 10.30 at the European Beer Cafe

upstairs, that would make it the 18th of April, 10.30. So if you can find tickets online, go for it. But we will be, by now we've given a preference to people who have already bought

tickets to the shows, to the run of shows, and of of course, our dear Patreon subscribers. Oh, yes. Yes. So if you can find a ticket after that, good luck and come along and have fun. Is this going to be one of those things where they show up on, like, via GoGo and stuff?

Oh! I would love that. That would be a fucking dream. No, you wouldn't, because someone else is making money and you're not. Yeah, okay. You would fucking hate it. It goes against everything you stand for.

You're right, but there's enough novelty in it. If one ticket went up, I would like not. Yeah, okay. You would fucking hate it. It goes against everything you stand for. You're right, but there's enough novelty in it. If one ticket went up, I would like it. Yeah. But only one. One ticket for like $1,000? Well, as long as...

Some random cunt making a lot of money out of our gig. If I put it on Viagra, okay. Oh, yeah, okay. Can I do that? Yeah, can you do that? Or is that like insider trading? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know.

Maybe I'll make my own. My own. Maybe I'll save a bunch of tickets for myself um yeah can you do that is that like insider trading yeah i don't know i don't know um maybe i'll make my own my own maybe i'll save a bunch of tickets for myself and then sell them and have a fake profile on on social media and sell them be a scalper scalp my own tickets yeah that's not bad yeah if the official we've talked about this before i swear we've had some kind of idea where like we make something where the official outlet for getting tickets is like they actually don't exist right the only way you can get them is through us scalping them at a high price right We make something where the official outlet for getting tickets is a... Like, they actually don't exist. Right. The only way you can get them is through us scalping them at a high price. Right, right, right. We just...

What if we do this? What if the day it comes out, we just put one ticket on sale, and we just put one per day? Someone's doing burnouts next year. Someone's... Wow. Having a big old rev up. Brett Blake heckling us. I don't know if you can hear that, guys, but there's a motorbike outside and I'm a little bit scared.

It's very loud. Yeah, what if we put... We should have thought this out like a bunch of... Like three months out. Just put one ticket per day. That would be good. Everyone trying to race

to get the daily ticket. The daily ticket. Fuck. God, that's so much worse. I know. I don't remember every day to get up and add one ticket. Let's do it next year.

Let's do a drunk cast. Which you've got to do for 150 days. Let's do a drunk cast advent calendar next year. Yeah. That would be funny. So what, if we're selling to 150, that's not just a couple, that's like, how long is that out? That's so far out.

That's five months out. If we could set it up automatically somehow without having to do it manually, that would be fucking great. Imagine emailing Try Booking and saying, hey, just can't seem to find this anywhere on the website, but how do I set it up so that one ticket gets added every day for sale, starting at one and then ending at 150 for 150 days? Surely Billy Joel or someone's done this at some point.

Can you give us that template? Imagine how brutal it would be getting the daily sales figures for one day and you didn't even shift that one. Just us desperate at 11.30 at night. Guys, there's still the one on sale. All right, guys, we're doing a discount on today's ticket. Today only. The next 10 minutes.

Oh, fuck, we left the deal on after midnight and then someone fucking got half price on the next day. Well, fuck! All right, well, let's get into, of course, one of the most prestigious parts of the show. You can support the show on Patreon if you would like to do so. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub. Get two bonus episodes every week at the moment.

Always great guests on those ones. Always lots of fun if you're after some extra content. There's a big bank of them there now just waiting for you. And, of course, most... Sorry, I just realized what I was about to do, which was I've got the unplanned title alternator. Oh, yeah. I didn't have it in front of me.

Instead, for some reason, I pulled out a list of jokes I was writing on the way here for the weakest link. Okay. So I could have just read five of them out this week. Great. Would that be good? Yeah. Maybe we can work out a way to tie it into the name.

Yeah, okay. Maybe everyone gets one joke per name. Yeah, okay. There you go. But of course, yes, for everyone who's subscribed, well, not everyone who's subscribed, a certain number of people that subscribe, every week we read out just a random number of names. It's different every week. Sometimes we do heaps.

Sometimes we only do a couple. Well, I did say five for some reason just before. Why don't we do that this week? Okay, yeah. Yeah. Okay. I believe it's... It's a nice round even number.

Why not? Beautiful kind of like divine coincidence. Yeah. A sign from divine coincidence. Yeah. A sign from the universe. Yeah. I mean, not really. I just said it. But, you know, whatever.

Yeah, but five was in your head just kind of randomly for whatever reason. Yeah. Yeah, I guess. Yeah. I don't know why. Maybe it was heaven sent. Maybe I do believe in God because that's just a great idea now that I think properly about it. I couldn't have come up with that any other week.

Doing five names. It is. It's got a nice, it's like a nice. We've been fucking around with different numbers every week and now that I think about it, that's a great amount.

We've never done the same number two weeks in a row but then we've never had a number this good. Yeah. Yeah. This is a new number? It just seems so, I don't know,

it seems so fresh and cool. Yeah. Do they still do new numbers or not? I think it's been a while. Right. So you've heard this number before, obviously. Yeah. It's not striking you the same way it's striking me.

Well, but the first time I heard it was yesterday. Oh, right. That is recent. Yeah. That is recent. I would say that's recent, unless you've had a really big day. I have had a pretty big day. Okay. All right. Then not so then. Yeah. That is recent. I would say that's recent, unless you've had a really big day. I have had a pretty big day. Okay, all right.

Then not so then. Okay, well, let's do five, as they would say in the future classics. Yeah. Because that's a new thing to say now. Yeah, as we'll now say every week on this show, starting from now. Starting from now. Okay. All right, sure.

Let's boot up the unplanned title, Older Nader, and let's see what it's... I'll program it to just do five this week. Okay. I'll take off the infinity button. Mm-hmm. Because last week we did infinity, I think. I think it went a bit long. That episode's still going.

It went a bit long. We're still doing it now. We're still doing it. We had to find some kind of machine so that we could jump into an alternate universe in order to be able to do the show this week. We had to book two recording studios at the same time just to get this one out on top. We're currently racing between the two right now.

Every time I'm talking right now, Tommy's actually in the other studio contributing to the ongoing one from last week. Yeah, and then I've just quickly had to run back in now because I saw you stop speaking. Yeah, see? But anyway, look, let've just quickly had to run back in now because I saw you stop speaking. Yeah, see? But anyway, look, let's just focus on... That's too much for people to get their fucking tiny little heads around. Tiny, tiny. Their tiny human minds.

Human. All right. Thank you very much to all Patreon subscribers. You really... And we've given you some Ripper bonus episodes lately. You get two of them a week and you've had some fucking sterling ones where I really where I feel sorry

for people who are just freeloading because we've been sort of just taking a shit on this normal free episode and just leaving all the gold for the bonus. The last three in particular, home runs. Been excellent. Much fun. All right. Thank you to everyone who contributes past the present, particularly present, including this young man or old man.

It's 2021. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Greg Baldeston. Baldeston. Greg Baldeston. Whatever that means. If you didn't have stun on there and it was just Greg Boulder or Greg Boulders. Get rid of the ton. And then we're talking about it. Just a big, beautiful

set of Gregs. Then I'm into it. Greg Boulders. Greg Boulders. Greg Boulderston. It's a very clunky name. Greg Boulderston. There's hurdles wherever you look. Absolutely. But of course, the big question is, which of your jokes for The Weakest Link does

this cunt remind you of? Right. Okay. Look, you know what? Good question. Let's go. See, on the way here, I'm on a bit of a deadline at the moment, which is really helping me out trying to do a million things at once.

But anyway, I walked to your house. Yep. On the, what, we should name that track that goes, because there's basically, I just walk up a straight road straight to your house from my house. There's a tram that connects us, two tram stops connects us. Yep. But we should give that sort of track a- Is it really only two stops?

No, no, no, no. I mean there's a stop on my end and a stop on your end. Oh, okay, right. Yeah. Is it really only two stops? No, no, no, no. I mean there's a stop on my end and a stop on your end. Oh, okay, right.

But we should, you know, like there's names for famous roads. There's Strezlecki Track. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, there's the, or even, you know, you could call the tram, you know, a trip there, you know, like the Orient Express, you could call it that. You know, just trying to think of something, a name for the the stretch um that that divides us yeah yeah is there is there like you know something like not this but like the spaghetti express yeah it'd have to be if you're coming up here the podcast you know the podcast like pod road you know what i mean yeah yeah yeah yeah what could we call it content street

i was walking down content street well there, there's the Yellow Brick Road. Oh, yeah? But for us and for the art of podcasting, what about the Yellow Stream Road? Can we just take a big piss all over? Well, that was a road I did a lot of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was more of a brown road during lockdown. The Brown Mile.

The Brown Mile. Okay, well, let's call it that then. There we go. That's the Brown Mile. Yeah, it's not too far off a mile between us as well, I think. I think. I'm going to work that out. Let's look it up. I'll look up.

I'm going to work that out. Let's Google. How far it is between Tommy and Carl's house. Will that come up automatically? I'm going to... All right, I've got you right here. I've got your directions. 4.1 kilometres.

Now, what's that? I couldn't honestly tell you what that is in measure. What is that? 4.1? Yeah. 4.1 kilometres equals two and a half miles. Cool. The brown miles.

Yep. Will that do? That'll do. The brown miles. The brown miles. Catchy. Yeah. Yeah.

All right. All right. Yeah. Yeah, all right. All right, if anyone's got a better one than that, feel free to send it in. Yeah, okay. We're calling it the Brown Miles at the moment. We'll check in with some of the better ones next week. I reckon we can get a better one, but please feel free. So I was walking the Brown Miles today. Yep.

All right, so Greg Boulderston. Yep. He's getting this one. So what these jokes are they're bits in the show bits in the weakest link where someone gets a bit in the show where the host needs to sort of say

you are the weakest link goodbye no although that's good I might use that I might use that yeah Jack nicholson style in the shining over and over here you go and here's my invoice as well yeah i think you'll

find i i wrote it in all different fonts uh now uh no it's a point in the show where they're getting to a point where i don't really understand i don't i've never really watched the show properly but uh where they're getting ready for people to vote someone out, I think. And so they're saying, basically, who's going to be a dumb cunt here? Who's the biggest dumb cunt? So you need a joke like that. So you need to say something like, oh, we're going to find out who's the sort of person that thought...

What's an example? Because all I've got is actual examples that i've already written but no i get it though yeah yeah uh like what was an example of an old joke sort of like uh we're gonna find out that um yeah a person who is this person well he's a classic example um we're gonna find out this person? Well, here's a classic example. We're going to find out this person, he thinks coronavirus was a beer. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like you've got to have a bit of a, like this guy's dumb. How dumb would you have to be in 2021 to think that coronavirus is a beer?

When he heard coronavirus, he said, I would like to drink one, please. Hang on. I might just write that one down, actually. Yeah, that's good. That's good. Okay. Coronavirus sounds like a beer. Great.

And done. I just hit send. Okay. Greg Balderson gets this one. Yep. We're going to find out who thought a round robin was just a fat bird. Nice. Like that?

Yep. That's Greg Balderson. That's pretty good. That is Greg Balderson. That's for him. Yeah. If you hear that on TV, that's for you. That's Greg.

That's a tribute to you, Greg. The boulder. Is that why you went with it? Because it's like round, boulder, bold. Yep. Yep. Round and fat. Bold is big. Yep. Yep. Round and fat. Bold is sort of fat.

Yep. If a typeface is bold, it's fatter than it was before. Yep. There you go. It's perfect. Yep. Perfect for Greg Balderson. So if you hear that on The Weakest Link, you are allowed to yell out, bingo.

Oh, great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Write into Channel 7 and say, I demand a prize. Yes. Because this joke was attributed to me on a podcast. Yes. Yes. And put it in a self-addressed envelope and they'll put money in it and send it back to you.

Yeah. And if they don't, just say that I sent you Charlie Chuckles, which is the pen name I write under. Oh, right. Sort of Alan Smith-y style. Yes. You're ashamed of all the stuff you sent in. Except for that coronavirus joke. That was pretty good. Well, thanks. Oh, right. Sort of Alan Smithy style. Yes. You're ashamed of all the stuff you sent in. Except for that coronavirus joke. That was pretty good.

Well, thanks. Thanks, Greg. Thanks, Greg. Thanks, Balders. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Ben Ordino. Ben Ordino. A-U-D-I-N-O. Ordino?

Ordino. That sounds better. Yeah. Ben Ordino. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Ben Ordino. Ordino. What is to Patreon subscriber Ben Ordino. Ordino. What is this a fucking dinosaur that looks like a radio, a stereo? Oh, yeah.

Ordino. It's a fucking dinosaur that bloody loves music. Was Dino the name of the dinosaur in the Flintstones? Well, there's many, many dinosaurs in the Flintstones. They had a pet one. Yeah, their pet. Their Flintstones. They're pets, but they're dog. Yeah, they're pet. They're pet one. It was called Dino.

Was it a dog or was it a dinosaur? It was a dinosaur, but it functioned as their dog. It took the place of a dog. Right. So that's like having a dog and calling it dog. Well, it's sort of more like calling it dog. Dog, yeah. Actually, not even pronouncing the vowel the same way.

So dog. Yeah, dog. Having a dog called dog. I actually don't mind it. That's all right. Actually, not even pronouncing the vowel the same way. So, Doh. Yeah, Doh. Having a dog called Doh. I actually don't mind it. That's all right. You know what I genuinely do like? I really want to get a dog and just call it Fido. Yeah.

I really want to just use... Rover would be good. Just one of the classic dog shit, unimaginative. I think I've come back around on it. Absolutely. That it actually would be... If you heard someone with a dog called that, you're like, that's fucking cool.

Yeah, I like it. You know, there's some... Yeah, Rex, that's good. yeah i like it you know there's some there yeah rex that's good yeah um name it after your favorite regional airline airline yep um you ever flown rex never would never would i don't i'm not attracted to it like what are you doing going to fucking where where are you going uh well when i went to uh esperance to jack off a bull okay i had to fly via you're not selling that too well but yeah well i didn't want to do it but i had to get there and the only way to get there was a regional flight from perth to esperance on rex airlines how many people on the plane oh um fuck 15 oh i told this on the phone at the time.

It was pretty awesome. It was like the flight attendant, you know, barely any room to like walk down the aisle or whatever. But I guess for all intents and purposes, there was a flight attendant who went, um, who's going to need a taxi when we get to the Esperance Airport? Because the pilot's going to call ahead and book one for you. Oh, great. Yeah, that's great. Pretty sick.

That's great. Just him on his phone. Oh, great. Yeah, that's great. Pretty sick. That's great. Just him on his phone getting an Uber. And it's like, aren't you supposed to turn your phones off up here? Just using the, instead of monitoring him with air traffic control, he's just on the phone to one, three cabs. Yeah, yeah. Just booking rides for all of us. Great, great.

But. Ben Ordino. Ben Ordino. I quite like that as one word, in fact. Ben Ordino. Ben Ordino. I Ordino. I quite like that as one word, in fact. Ben Ordino. Ben Ordino. I'll give him a joke. What have you got for him?

What have I got for him? That's Big Benny again. Let's go through the list. This is quite a good way of editing because I'm going through this going, yeah, I don't want to say this out loud. Yeah. This is a good way of finding out which ones are good. It's like working on material for your comedy festival show.

You have a couple of days before the gig. You feel like you're really churning out the ideas. And then as you're walking to the gig, you're like, the list just gets halved and halved and halved. Absolutely. Once you're staring down the reality of reading them out on stage. Also, you know what I'm now doing? I'm turning our podcast into an open mic for a game show. Yes.

I'm trying out jokes on our podcast for a game show. Yep. Okay. Again, same setup. We're talking about someone's about to be eliminated. Who's it going to be? Yeah. We're implying someone in this room is a dumb fuck

and they're about to go. Which one of you is not only the weakest link but more like the missing link? What do you think? Doesn't hit you? Meaning that they're not evolved. Oh, okay. Right, right, right.

Yeah. I guess I didn't fully... I've never quite known when people say this guy's the missing link. Oh, you didn't know that. Yeah, I've never fully quite gotten what that is. That's the... You know what it is? It's the link between monkeys and man.

Right, okay. So you're basically saying, look, you might be a smart monkey. This person's a chimp. You might be a smart monkey, but you're a dumb fuck of a human. Yeah. You're in between. Yeah. You're the best of the chimps, but you're the worst of the humans.

I wonder if they'll go for that, though. It's you saying, not only is this contestant a bit dumb, they also look like a fucking monkey. Yeah. There's a few question marks over that one i can't see it getting up it's the sort of thing i can see them getting a lot of whole order for yeah well um well then it's a it's a dumb dumb club exclusive yeah yeah and that's and you know maybe that's that joke belongs to ben ordino himself now he can get the rights to it yeah well i mean that's the thing they, let's say this does go on the air

and they get in trouble. Oh. And I love the idea that they, rather than cop it, they immediately throw you under the bus. Yes. They're like, this was this freelance writer that we got in.

Yeah. And then you've now got this recording that's time stamped of when it went up. Yeah. Going, hey, it's not me. Yeah. This is a Ben Ordino original. He can own this.

I've released all rights to this show. Yes. And it's his. Yeah. Yeah. I bequeathed it to Ben Ordino. He can own this I've released all rights to this joke Yes And it's his Yeah I bequeathed it to Ben Ordino Yeah It's him It's him who thought

It's him who thought that lady Looked like a fucking chimpanzee Ben I mean Ben Just have a think mate It's not fucking Hey I said it anymore Yeah exactly

Think before you come up With these jokes mate And you know what else Never call us again Yes God Jeez Some people Ben Have a good hard think mate you know what else never call us again yes god jeez some people

Ben have a good hard think well thanks Ben thanks Ben thanks for nothing thanks yeah thanks a lot thank you very much

to Patreon subscriber Peter oh uh oh Peter Tonda T-O-E-N-D-E-R T-O-E-N-D-E-R. T-O-E-N-D-E-R.

Sorry, I should say. So it's Toender. Toender. Is this like in that thing you do, the Oneeders? Oh, yes. Yes. The Toneeder. Yeah.

The Toneeder. It's not quite the Toneeder, but it's close. The Toender. It's some sort of You know It looks a bit Norwegian to me Something like that You know what I mean Oh I know what you mean

Yeah yeah yeah Tonda Yeah Tonda Fuck I feel like Spell it again I can't get my head around this

T-O I'll turn the I'm playing title alternator Yeah So you can read it Oh okay T-O-E-N-D-E-R Yeah

Tone Todner Tone Tone Tone Tone Tone Tone Tone Tone Tone Tone Tone Tone I'll alternate it so you can read it. Oh, okay. T-O-E-N-D-E-R. Yeah. Toedner. Toedner. Toedner. Toedner. Toedner. Toedner.

Toedner. Toedner. Toedner. Peter Toedner. Okay, let's see it then. Toedner. It's Toedner. Toedner, yeah.

Yeah, why do I have so much trouble with it? Peter Toedner. Peter Toedner. Hmm. Fuck. Does everyone do that? What if that's every conversation you have and just someone just saying it again and again and again to get it through their head?

Well, you'd hope not because it's like you've said it to them. Right. This is my name and just holding up your license and making the person go, Tonda, Tonda, and then being like, you're so close. Come on, come on. There's people just gathering around going,

what do you reckon? What do you reckon he just said? If that was me, if I had a name like that, that would be what I'd do at parties as an icebreaker. It's like, come on, who's got a guess? Who wants to have a crack? Got a six pack right here for the first person that pronounces it correctly. Which one can this freak of nature have? Oh, okay.

What about this one? By the way, what was it about Was it the Dino thing that kind of like the missing link Sort of the evolution and being like prehistoric Was that the logic thing? That's the link, yeah Okay Now, I will Let's see.

What I'll attribute to this young man, Peter Tonda, is this gag. And the reason I've attributed this one is because it's the first next one that I think is any good. Okay. Yep. Let's find out. I'm just trying to think of the way they would link the joke. Let's find out who can think just as quick as Einstein now. Does that work?

Because Einstein's dead. Oh, okay. I see what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No? Are these jokes no good or are you just fucking dumb? Which one is it? I'd like to say we're meeting in the middle.

No, okay. Yeah. I thought you were saying now as in like, let's do this right now. Oh, right. Maybe if it's like, you know, as smart as Einstein presently. Right. Or something like that. I don't know. Yeah.

We'll work on that. Maybe Peter Tonder, he can punch it up for me. Sorry, not to tell you how to suck eggs. Yeah, it's fine. But here's some eggs that you can suck on. That's good. That's what an open mic for a game show is. Oh, yeah, exactly. So you can find out. Yeah, yeah. You can find out. on. That's good. That's what an open mic for a game show is. Oh, yeah, exactly.

So you can find out. Yeah, yeah. You can find out. Yeah. That's fine. An open mic for a game show where you are also getting money from people for doing the open mic. Yes.

Who you're attributing it to. So this is like the bucket at the end. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right. Yeah, that's great. I should do this every week. But you're up there going like, what about you? You're going to put 20 bucks in the bucket at the end? All right, this one can be yours. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right. Yeah, that's great. I should do this every week. But you're up there going like, what about you?

You're going to put 20 bucks in the bucket at the end? All right, this one can be yours. Yeah, yeah. And also, I'm doing an open mic to one other comic. Yes. The dream.

Yeah. The worst open mic of all time. Thanks, Peter Tonda. Thanks, Peter Tonda. I feel like we had just as much trouble with that joke as we did with his surname. Well, there you go. That's what makes it. That's the link.

We should have done this where I then, at the end, try and guess the link. Because you undersold it. But you didn't realise there were higher forces at play. That's happened every time so far. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Adam Carpentieri.

Carpentieri. Carpentieri. I like it. I like it a lot. Is that because it feels a little bit closer to your home country? A little bit, yeah. There's a deli called Elementary that I quite like. There's one on Smith Street and one on Brunswick Street.

Very close together. That I quite like. Yeah. There's one on Smith Street and one on Brunswick Street. Very close together. The very first business that my parents started up, the name of it was Chandler's Deli. Mm-hmm. Which I always found... What sort of shop was it?

Well, here's the thing. It was... When you say deli, you think it's sort of... How do you classify deli? If you walk into a deli, what's the major items? Meats. Sort of sliced like salami and things of that nature. And that's the major thing you go in there for?

Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. I would say that this shop was not a deli. I've never brought this up with my parents because at the time, I think I was five years old. So I didn't have the cojones on me. You didn't have the cojones to confront them, but you still knew deep down in your five-year-old bones that what they were running wasn't a deli? I thought, this is a bit of a front. What a worldly five-year-old.

Yeah, because what it really was, in my opinion. Yeah, a bodega. It was a coffee shop. Ah. Yeah. Yeah, because what it really was, in my opinion. Yeah, a bodega. It was a coffee shop. Ah. Yeah, that's what it was. They sold sandwiches, they sold drinks and lollies and, you know, everything like a coffee shop or a cafe would sell. Yep.

They just happened to have a bit of sliced meat in there, which they would then use in the sandwiches anyway. But isn't it a case of like... They just had the meat that they were going to use on display. But isn't it a case of, by Maryborough standards, it's like, that's all you need. That's a deli. Yeah.

Who else is doing it more deli style than them? Yeah, I guess so. I don't know. It's about as fucking European as it's probably ever gotten down there. Oh, look, in 1981 in Maryborough, yes. Yeah. To have salami, they nearly got run out of town.

Yeah, exactly. You fucking grease balls. What's this shit they're bringing in called an olive? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What the fuck? Yeah, why aren't you just fucking cutting off the side of a horse and sticking it in your cupboard like the rest of us? Putting a sticker on it.

All right. So what can Carpenteri? Adam Carpenteri. Adam Carpenteri. What guy can he have? He can have... Italian Jesus. Yeah.

Oh, what about this one? Did you get it? Oh, yeah. I like it. Italian Jesus. It's a new nickname for him. How would that sound, folks? Oh, my God.

These nails are bullshit. Is that Italian? No. No. I love how it's like... I would love to know what the Greeks and Italians think of us going, well, you're sort of all the same. Right, right.

Yeah. Because again, it is one of those things where it's like... It's like, yeah, walking into a Korean restaurant and going, oh, what part of China is all this bullshit from? It's like absolutely not okay. Yeah. But somehow our invented rule is. Yeah.

All right. This is what you're getting. Adam Carpentieri. from it's like absolutely not okay yeah but somehow our invented rule is yeah all right this is what you're getting adam carpentieri we're about to find out who not only has had a brain fart they also followed through i don't mind that yeah that's all right that's pretty good yeah again but i just don't know i think that's a i don't know if i can see what time's the weakest link on like five in the afternoon midnight i'm hoping okay yeah i can't see it i think that's a... I don't know if I can see... What time's the weakest link on? Like five in the afternoon? Midnight, I'm hoping. Okay, yeah. I can't see a joke that the premise of which is this person has shit themselves.

In the brain. In the brain. Getting a go on. Yeah. I think it's in primetime, to be fair. Oh, okay. I think it's a bit of a 7.30. I mean, I'm not in close cohorts with the Channel 7 executives.

With the TV guide. And the programming people. But I believe it's for primetime because it's quite a famous host for it this year. So I don't think they're putting all this effort into a bit of a four o'clock special. I think this is a primetime deal.

Sorry, I just assumed because you'd been hired for it that it was... That they weren't giving a fuck about it. Yeah, it's on Seven Fuckhead. Yeah. The distant satellite channel.

Yeah, 7 Gobby. Yeah. 7 Kill Yourself. Okay, so that's four thus far. And we said at the start we were going to do five. I believe we said that. If we can run the tape back, we'll double check. But hang on.

Yep, I just listened and we did say that. Okay, well, man my word. All right, let's do the fifth one and let's see if we've got a joke left for them. Joke's a strong word, but we'll see what we've got. Okay. Thank you. Thank you very much, dude.

Gee, I'm just getting stuck here on the fifth one. What do you mean, getting stuck? I'm playing title alternator. What do you mean, you're getting stuck? No, no, no. I'm not me. The machinery. It hasn't been serviced for a while.

Oh, right. I'm just trying to get the fifth one in. What does the servicing involve? Maybe I could do it. Well, you are behind it. Exactly. Exactly. I do have my... I do have my...

Your Philips head? I do have my shin pads on. Your Philips head. Oh, God. Yeah, it would be funny. Anyway, sorry, enough. It would be funny if you stuck your dick in a computer. It really would.

It would be funny. It would. Anyway, but enough... But enough of that. Enough, sorry, enough. It would be funny if you stuck your dick in a computer. It really would. It would be funny. It would. Anyway, but enough silly buggers. Enough fantasizing. Time to read out the fifth name that's currently on the screen. Well, I guess now that we've been silly about it, I guess the machine's fixed now. Yes. Yes.

Okay. What is it? It's still getting stuck a little bit, I'll be honest. It's just getting stuck a little bit. Never in all my years have I heard of an ailment like this. Well, it's not an ailment because it's a computer. So an ailment would more, it's like a virus, I guess, if anything. It's a virus where something's really getting stuck.

Right. Yeah, the screen's gone blank. Oh, right. The screen's gone blank. Yeah, so we just need to make sure it goes unblank, I guess. Okay, right. I think that's the technical term. Do we need to turn it off and on or something?

Yeah, yeah, maybe make a 10-minute break or something. 10-minute break? Or turn off the podcast for a while, maybe. What are we paying for this thing for if it's got to take 10-minute breaks? I don't know, man. After only four names. Look, I'm not savvy with computers, I'll be honest. Well, maybe while we wait for it to reboot,

we could just reminisce about some things that we've talked about in the last... Well, yeah, I've hit reboot, so it might take like 30 seconds to a minute. So let's fill the time, shall we? Okay, well, we talked about the Flintstones. We talked about Italians. We talked about Delis and Delimates. Ordino. Talked about brain farts.

We talked about Einstein. We've had some good times in the last few minutes, haven't we? It's like we're running the credits. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really good. Okay. I think... I think...

I think... No, no, no, I don't. It's not quite back on yet. Not yet. Right. It just came up with the boot screen. I thought we were there. Does the computer know that it sort of... it doesn't really matter what name comes up,

just as long as it's something? I don't think people really mind about the quality of the name. Just as long as it happens and it's done. What do you think is going on? We've got to be honest about what name randomly comes out. Yeah, exactly. What do you think? I just should pluck something out of the air? Yes. Well, no, the machine should because it's just got to be honest about what name randomly comes out. Yeah, exactly. What, do you think I just should pluck something out of the air?

Yes. Well, no, the machine should because it's just meant to be random. Well, it's got to be on first. No one's going to listen and go, John Smith, fuck this. What have they done? We've got to wait for it to turn on again. No, but I'm just saying,

it seems like the computer is having some trouble. We've got... All we're doing is we're making... Just waiting for it to turn back on. Once it comes back on, that might finish it. Okay. That might fix all the problems. Okay. Right, well... All we're doing is we're waiting for it to turn back on. Once it comes back on it might be that might finish it. Okay. That might fix all the problems.

Right. Well all we're doing is we're waiting for it to come back on. Do we have like a progress bar? Do we have any? Hang on.

69%. 69%. So we're getting we're getting near. Right. We're getting near the edge. Yeah.

We're getting quite close. It's moving up pretty quickly now. Yeah. We're there. Okay. Oh it's on.

Okay. Great. Okay. Thank you very much to Batum subscriber John Smith Comedy. John Smith Comedy. Great. See? It really doesn't matter., what's it say? Okay, thank you very much to Batum subscriber, John Smith Comedy. John Smith Comedy, great. See, it really doesn't matter.

And what's their joke? Oh, okay. Okay. Their joke is... Time to find out which contestant was literally surrounded by bread. Wichkonsestant was literally surrounded by bread. Time to find out Wichkonsestant tried mental gymnastics and went face first into the pommel horse. That's pretty good.

That's all right. I like that a lot. All right, good. Good. Well, thanks, John Smith Comedy. Thanks, John Smith Comedy. And thank you, everyone who listens and supports the show on Patreon, littledumbdumbclub.com,

for tickets to all the things that we mentioned. At the top of the show. Come see our solo shows. Come see us in Perth. Go to littledumbdumbclub.com. Dot au? I can never remember. No, dot au.

Not dot au. Yeah, Tommy's got his solo show on right now. Mine's about to go on sale now. Guys, we're only doing very limited runs. If you love the pod, we're just as funny by our likes and subs. Very true. And we, believe me, we work harder at the solo shows than we do

at this thing. Exactly. It's a guaranteed chuckle fest for an hour. So get along and we'd love to see you. Yeah. Come check it out, guys. And yeah, we'll see you next time. And Perth. Come Perth.

Sell it. Get those final tickets off sale. Also, Melbourne, the 500th episode is still selling. Yes. So get into that. Yeah. LittleDominoClub.com. You can find all that stuff there.

We'll see you next time. See you, mate.