The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 550 - Live! Daniel Sloss, Aaron Chen & Gen Fricker

Episode Date: April 14, 2021

HUGE line-up this week so we'd better not muck around by trying on pants or eating muffins. DANIEL SLOSS joins us fresh from his recent hotel quarantine, AARON CHEN has a potential new diagnosis on the horizon and GEN FRICKER has inspired us to get onto TikTok. PLUS we're joined by Ireland's OTHER most popular comedian after Sloss, and we read out of Karl's joke book. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode recorded live in Melbourne with guests Daniel Sloss, Aaron Chen and Jen Fricker. And this week The Little Dumb Dumb Club is brought to you by friend of the show, Nikki Britton and her show, One Small Step, which is on right now until the 18th of April at the Melbourne Town Hall, recently nominated for the Best Show at the Comedy Festival. Absolutely, gangbusters heard nothing but good things about her show, and of course she's very, very funny on this show. One has to wonder about the effectiveness of this ad coming right near the end of the festival after she's been nominated, and I would not be surprised if the entire run is sold out already.

I would make the most of this ad by just looking it up. She's probably put on extra shows. Beg, steal, borrow a ticket. I don't know about borrowing a ticket because then you'd have to give it back. But if you can get away with that, go for it. You could borrow a ticket to her and then repay that person with a ticket to something else.

Oh, yeah. Like some of our rot. Just keep it going. Yeah, sure. Do that. But no, before even the nom came out, I heard a couple of friends of the show went and saw her and said it was excellent.

Yeah, and you've heard her on this a few times. Always great. One of the recent favourite friends of the show that's just debuted in the last year or so. So, yeah, get out there and check her out live. Nikki Britton, One Small Step at the Melbourne Town Hall until April the 18th. Tickets at comedy.com.au.

Let's be fair, she's probably coming to Sydney as well. So if you're up there, have a look at that as well. Oh, yeah, do all that stuff. And, of course, it's not too late to come and see Please Call Me Carl. Mr. Call Me was my father. There's but a few dates left, and just like Nicky, also nominated for Best Show

and selling out shows all over the place. Let's say that. Let's say that. Beg, steal, or borrow, just to not have to go to Carl Chandler. You can borrow some tickets off me. That's fine. Yep, yep. Yeah, you got, what do you got, like five more, something like that?

Something like that. Yeah, until Sunday. So get on it. Get on it quick. Time is running out. That's it. But yes, let's get into this episode recorded live in Melbourne. Daniel Sloss, Jan Fricker and Aaron Chen.

Hey, mates! Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. With me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads. Absolutely brutal day in here today. We had DMX and Prince Philip booked for the show,

so we've been fucking panic stations up the back. They're both doing the grub, I'm sorry to say. Yeah, what else? Hey, thank you. If you listened to last week's episode or you were here last week, you'll know, and especially if you were up the front row, you would have seen those muffins go into a bucket. Oh, yes.

The man who brought the wrong muffins has redeemed himself. Oh, yes. I think you're about to open a bag of, yet again, the wrong muffin. No, fuck. I actually didn't look at it, but no, it's chocolate. Oh, yes. All right, bring the bucket out again. Do we do it?

Do we moisten it or not? I'm hearing yes. All right, all right. We'll just, we'll just, we'll try that later on. We'll let it bake. Great, great. You know, that is a little reward when you land a really good zinger.

Oh, okay. Treat yourself to a little, yeah. I've got a feeling I'm going to be hungry tonight. Save it for my solo show. The intermittent fasting is going to be going a little bit longer today. I just bumped into a listener, one of you out there, who was telling me that he works with a guy who I went to school with, a guy who I hadn't seen in ages, and he's like,

yeah, yeah, yeah, I was catching up with him last night, and yeah, he was, you know, he was, like, asking me about the pod and about you and everything, and he lent in and he was like, did you know Dasolo's not his real name? It's Alsop. And I was like, yeah, nice try, cunt, you're not getting me on that one. And then this guy was like, and then he said, did you know that at school we used to call him,

because his name was also, we used to call him Small Flop. Oh. Did they? Which even I had forgotten about. So good to turn up to the pod and just have some deep trauma that's been buried for 20 years unearthed right before you walk on stage. Man, how do you think I feel? Ten years of doing this pod and I never thought of that one.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Small Flop, here, exactly. Small flop. Here he is. Fucking brutal. Small flop. Like the flop wasn't enough. It didn't work and it's not big. You can't even get that little fucking thing hard. Yeah, that's brutal.

Great, great. Mamma mia. I did promises at one stage. In lockdown, you make a lot of promises in lockdown, and then you have to remember what they are. I've got some new merch today, in case anyone's into it. I've got two copies of jeans that don't fit me. So if you're interested and you want to hit the merch desk after the show,

I mean, you can ask me what size they are, but clearly I don't know. Give me a look. I might try them on. Maybe I'll have a crack. Yeah. Yeah, what have we got here? Put it this way. The most detail I can give you is if you look the same as me,

don't buy these. I can rule that size out. I'm going to try them on because I don't mind the look of one of these, so I'm going to see if they fit me. All right, all right. Tommy... Oh, he's going to try them on because I don't mind the look of one of these. So I'm going to see if they fit me. All right, all right. Tommy. Oh, he's going to. Yes. Wow.

Oh. The sealed section is becoming unsealed. Oh, what's happened? The skinny jeans. They're okay. It's very unbecoming for a man of your age to be getting around in skinny jeans, I have to say. Well, to be fair, I'm not getting around in them. Yeah, fair, okay.

There we go. You fucking put that camera away. Don't need to see photos of my date up on Twitter tomorrow. Thanks very much. So are those fitting you or not? They kind of are, yeah. Would you walk around in those jeans? I would.

The waist is like pretty, they're pretty loose. Well, I've got another size. Yeah, I'll try. Okay. Yeah. Knock, knock, knock. Is everything okay in there? Is everything fitting okay?

Is there anything I can help you with in the back there? Can I? Is that a real? Did you just actually drip over? What the fuck's wrong with you? Fuck Alright now How do those feel?

Better or worse? What do you think? A lot of room in the crotch area I have to say Business as usual Yeah they're a little better I reckon But they're still I'll see if I've got anything else

Out the back They're still like I've got anything else out the back. They're still like... I've got a lot. I tried on a pair of jeans recently. I'd just been for... I was in my running gear. I was in my little, you know, those little running shorts that have like the mesh kind of underwear in them.

So I walked past this shop and I was like, oh, I need a new pair of jeans. I'll try these on. So I go in and I've got no underwear on. But I'm like, I'm probably going to get them so it's like fine. I know it's very unhygienic. So I'm like, as I'm like trying this pair on, like I kind of, I sort of trip and fall a little bit

and I kind of accidentally pull the curtain back a tiny amount. And because of the system of mirrors of like there's one in the change room and then there's one on the other side of the change room. Right, right, right. The lady who worked there saw my dick and bottom at the same time. Just her looking deep into the matrix just. Did you take the jeans? I did take the jeans, yeah.

Oh, okay, right. And then I got a couple of minutes later, how are you going for size in there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I get it. Great. So what we got then was actually good. Yeah.

That was a becoming version of you just slipping over without your dick coming out. That was quite a nice version. I don't know how I feel about these. Right. So these both just don't fit you at all? Absolutely not. In what, like too loose? Yes.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah, they're pretty snug around there. They do look pretty tight. But then I've got a lot of gap in there in the waist. Yeah, well, anyway, welcome to the podcast. Bring back the bucket and muffin, I say. I might change back into my regular pants if that's okay.

Yeah, that's okay. But I don't really know how to make it funny. I mean, they are the pants that I bought in that story. Right. Okay. Did anything else happen? Maybe if you got your dick out, that would be funny or something? Did you guys hear that Prince Philip's dead?

Right. I mean, 99 years old, folks. 99 years old. Yes, go on. I didn't even know Kim Jong was ill. Right. Yeah. A real pro would have, like, you know, dropped the punchline as you dropped your dacks.

I would have. But anyway. Oh, okay, yeah. Yeah. Hang on. Yeah, right. Wait. Oh, but they're too tight.

So you mean something like, oh, everyone's freaking out about this lockdown. Not me. I've been self-isolating for years. Yeah. Boom. There we go. This, honestly, this is a real low point and for this pod, that's really saying something.

People at home are actively like cancelling tickets they've bought for next week, I think, after listening to this. Yeah. You really miss out if you don't come to the live show and people at home are fucking happy about it. Fuck. They are some loose-ass jeans you're now wearing. They are, you've got like fucking clown pants on.

Yeah, I like them baggy. All right, OK, all right. Where's the other member of Criss Cross? Hey, at least I bought these loose on purpose, not for fucking not knowing what size I am. All right, so now that I've been in them, does anyone else want to have a crack? They've been worn by two members of the Little Dumb Dumb Club, so...

Who wants this pair the first time? Hey, hey, hey They don't go for free Oh, you want to sell them? Yeah, yeah Five bucks each, guys Right, right Five bucks

Anyone interested will start the bidding at five bucks Five bucks Who's keen? Five bucks A piece of podcasting history Yeah If you've ever won a piece of material that's touched two podcasters' dicks You're in luck

No? That doesn't seem to be any office. Okay. Well, look, we'll make them funnier as the show goes on and they'll be absolutely legendary by the end of it. Yeah, yeah. What do you think, guys? Has he earned a bite of the muffin?

No. Just got to work out the baseline of what doesn't qualify. All right, all right. Let's get a guest on. Time is of the essence. Yeah, folks, please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Daniel Sloss. Fuck, you've been in lockdown for a year.

You probably thought it can't get any more boring and then we tried on jeans. I have enjoyed listening to fucking Melbourne cunts being like, you know we had a really hard lockdown here. Three months was it, you fucking twats? It's been fucking 14

months. People at home are killing themselves and you're like, there were some army people that wouldn't let me walk for 25 minutes. Why don't you go tell Oscar Pistorius you stubbed your fucking toe? Have some fucking perspective. You were on the show only like three weeks ago or so,

right before you came here and you went into hotel quarantine, and you seemed pretty confident that you were going to be able to handle it. And then one day, I went on your Instagram story, and you'd posted like fucking 100 of of them in a row and i thought he is unraveling halfway through day one this is fantastic well it's like i'm i'm fucking shite at social media because i fucking i hate it so much uh almost as much as i hate my fans and that's where that's where they are so i'm not i'm not good at it but there's fuck all else to do

in quarantine. So I was just posting every day and people were enjoying it. It was like the only interaction I had. And then on like day 10, right, I had very little to say. And also somebody had smuggled me drugs into my hotel room, right?

Just a little bit of fucking weed, right? But I was fucking thrilled. So I was taking my edibles. I was having a great day, playing Fortnite with a bunch of fucking teenagers, watching fucking movies. If the door person could tell every c I was having a great day, playing Fortnite with a bunch of fucking teenagers, watching fucking movies. If the door person could tell every cunt out there to shut up, that'd be great.

What do you reckon? Hens night? It has to be a fucking hens night. Hens night at fucking three in the afternoon. Sure. Jesus Christ. Wait, are you guys open fully? There's no time limit where you all have to go to bed?

Not you guys. I mean Melbourne. Oh, okay. No, no, sorry. I mean, no. No, that wasn't like the weirdest, weakest roast for no reason. I was like, have you been talking to my mum?

Yeah, that's great. Your mum doesn't let you stay up late, you fucking nerd. It's pretty good. I just meant, if they're starting to hen do that fucking early. Yeah, right, right. Okay, that makes sense.

That makes sense. Now, you just got out, so you did two weeks of lockdown, isolation in hotel, quarantine, and you just got out, what, yesterday, day before. What I love is that you haven't done any shows in England for like a year.

Scotland. Have you been travelling? You can call me Irish but if you call me English I'll break your fucking neck I will fucking break your fucking neck We finally broke him The dream of any bully

Fuck, we better change the script of what we've got coming up later Script Dream on to change the script of what we've got coming up later. So, um, Script. Dream on. So, you did all that lockdown and there were no shows over there.

You'd been in a hotel room for two weeks and then you come out and the first gig you do last night is in Adelaide. Fucking Adelaide, man. And it was,

it was, it was, I forgot how much I fucking hated Adelaide until, because it was so exciting to be out and it was very, very funny that the first show back was Adelaide hated Adelaide. Because it was so exciting to be out. And it was very, very funny that the first show back was Adelaide. And Adelaide is like internationally fucking hated amongst not just comedians,

but like musicians. Yeah, touring artists. And actors, touring artists, because they're spoiled. They've got too many festivals. They've got too many fucking bogan races. They've got, they're just, they're like, people come to us all the time. So they never buy tickets in advance. So like you'll sell out the rest of the tour in Australia, and you'll be on 20% in Adelaide, and then you just don't go.

So, we put on the shows, they were like, do you want to do a show in Adelaide? And I was like, one. And then it, like, sold out in, like, two days. And I was like, oh, fucking maybe Adelaide suddenly got, suddenly got cool. And they're like, should we add a second show? And I was like, yes, take on a fucking second show. And they added on a second show, and that sold out. And I was like, fucking Adelaide. And then they stuck on a second show and the hearts rolled out and I was like fucking Adelaide

and then they stuck on a third show and that didn't sell out fucking Adelaide that's our problem we only put on third shows yeah there we go there we go fuck I've got my fucking teeth things in

he's got to take his dentures out to enjoy the muffin. Are you whiting in your teeth? No, I'm straightening them. With plastic? Yeah, yeah. How fucking weak are they? Why don't you straighten them with fucking jelly? Jesus Christ.

Man, Luke McGregor did it and they fixed his teeth. I'm like, these fucking cunts can fix anything. man, Luke McGregor did it and they fixed his teeth. I'm like, these fucking cunts can fix anything. You wouldn't know it, but this is a man who really cares about his appearance. Oh, nice, nice. I was going to ask you something,

now you've got it resting in your crotch, so I think I'm right. No, I'll ask for something. Come get it, help your crotch, so I think I'm right. No, I'll ask for some. Come get it. Help yourself. Oh, yes. Now, what do you think? God, social distancing sucks.

That is great. It's been so long since I've been allowed to eat a muffin out of another man's thigh. Yeah. It's been so long since I've been allowed to go the growl on a dessert. God, I've missed this. I've been talking about this muffin for like a year. Is that good? Is that a good muffin?

It's a nice muffin. Fuck yeah. It's a very nice muffin. Was it the best you've ever tasted, Sloss? It was the best place I've eaten recently. I was watching you on Instagram last night. So you were in Adelaide and you were like so like into the fact that you're out of lockdown and everything. You were just following a crowd that was going to the football.

Not going to the football. You were just a fan of crowds. Yeah. Well, I've not seen a queue in so long. I was just like, you know what, for old time's sake. Actually, I'll cut you off there. Speaking of queue, folks, there's a thing that you need to know about this virus. queue folks there's a thing that you need to know about this virus um it was just it was i mean it's really really fucking jarring to go from like i mean scotland's worse than england is because the

way scotland's dealing with the lockdown is just nicola surgeon just looks at what boris johnson does and then she goes give it two weeks and let's see what happens to those cunts and then they all die and she like, we'll not do that. So England gets the occasional break and it's just been strict. So, I mean, it was just so like sincerely fucking exciting to just be near people. And I mean, they were from Adelaide and I just, I forgot how like literally I was out and I was taking the videos

and I was like, man, this is so exciting. I was being a tourist for the first time in my life. And like after 35 seconds I heard at least three people go, the fuck are you looking at, cunt? Like, there it is. There's. Well, if you don't want

to get too freaked out and you just, you know, don't want to overload your senses and you want to be in a room just by yourself, you can come to my solo show straight after this show. The big debut.

He's back. How are you feeling? Yeah, I've come out of comedy lockdown. Who's coming to the show afterwards? Yeah, I'm only concentrating on the people that didn't say woo, by the way. And I've remembered all of your faces. Right, right, right. No, it should be good.

That'll be good. It'll be good. It'll be good. It's good. Do the jeans at the start of it. That was good stuff. Just try on pants for a little bit. Yeah, that's not too bad. That's not too bad.

Why has it been so long since you've done stand-up? I believe the term is lack of demand. You're putting on extra shows. People are asking me to delete some of mine. Due to very underwhelming demand, I've cancelled my final week. You're putting on extra shows. People are asking me to delete some of mine. Due to very underwhelming demand, I've cancelled my final week. Due to overwhelming demand, I'm not doing stand-up tonight. No, it'll be okay.

Fuck, I've still got a couple of seats to shift. It'll be great. Okay. It'll be great. I listened to a recording of myself the other day and I was laughing at me. I'm a fucking tough judge. I'd heard the jokes. That must have been deleted fucking well. You're so close to being the Trump of comedy.

It's unbelievable. Folks, I listened to a little recording the other night. A little guy called Kyle Chandler. Let me tell you, folks, this windmill thing was fantastic. Windmill, that's another one I had to do the same thing on the flight to Melbourne

because it had been so long since I've done stand up and the only recording I had was from like a fucking garden gig in October last year in England and I've got

I've got my fucking earphones in I'm knitting in business class because I'm just an asshole and I'm listening to and I'm. I'm knitting in business class because I'm just an asshole. And I'm listening to it. And I'm laughing. I'm sincerely laughing at my own jokes because it's been so long.

And the air steward walks past and he goes, what are you listening to? And I fucking panic because I can't be like, me. So, like, I just go, just think of a podcast. And no offense, but you didn't come to mind. None taken. You didn't listen to the first ten minutes of this one? So, what were you listening to?

And I was like, eh, eh, oh, Martin Alex. Because I'd been speaking to him, it was one of his favourite podcasts, and he'd just mentioned it before. And he was like, who's the guest? And I was like fuck I'm the most recent guest on Matt and Alex so I had to be like oh it's four episodes ago it was some broad

cancelled mid-flight I know wow I came out here just to be cancelled yeah speaking of some broad let's get another guest on

oh my god please welcome back into Little Donald Club Jen Fricker to be cancelled. Speaking of Sun Broad, let's get another guest on. Oh my God. Please welcome back into Little Donald Club, Jen Fricker! Fucking hell. I think I was the most recent female guest on Matt and Alex as well.

My brand. If we can just concentrate on our show for a second, that'd be great. Our great show where we try on pants and eat muffins. Yeah. You don't see those cunts doing this kind of stuff. Can I try on...

I don't want to... What? You want to... Can I try... You want to try the muffin? Or the pants? No, the pants. Oh, okay.

I mean, sorry, that would make sense if I wanted to try the muffin. Yeah. No, because you know how... Have you seen that thing on TikTok, which is a thing that I'm aware of, where you like wrap the, you wrap the band around your neck and you can see if it fits you? Oh, no.

I clearly don't know that one. Yeah. And then if it doesn't fit you, you just like continue tying it and then you hang it off. Oh, I know that one. I know that one. That's coming in about 90 minutes from now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just want to see what our relative sizes are. Okay. Because, like, if it's a stretch pant, like, maybe this is for me. You know what I mean? Sure. But, I mean, you're comparing that to a size that is not mine, by the way. Like, this does not fit me at all.

That's why I'm trying to get rid of it. I continually buy jeans that do not fit me in any way. Sorry I keep talking while you're trying to kill yourself. Sorry. Yeah, it was because of... No, they fit. Jen, awful for your brand if you go around saying, I got into Carl Chandler's

pants. I too wish to be cancelled. You should get on TikTok, Carl. I love the idea of you flossing to Dua Lipa while you've just got text. Oh my God. I was in a cafe the other day. I saw an item on the menu. Here's five things you need to know about muffins.

Get me on it. Get me on it. Yes. It sounds fun. Yeah. You get me on it. I'm not even. I'll work it out for myself and then I'll get you in there. Okay. Yeah. You get me on it. I'm not even... I'll work it out for myself and then I'll get you in there.

Okay, all right. Yeah. Okay, all right. What do you think? What are your tips for Chando on TikTok? Oh, I'm not on TikTok. I just look at it. Okay.

I'm too old to be on TikTok. I'm desperate to, like, want to be accepted by the community. They're all like, we don't wear skinny jeans anymore. We wear, like, baggy jeans and we have middle parts. And I was like, hey, cool teens. I am one of you now. Yeah, I think anyone over... What's the cut off?

Anyone over 23, I think it's too old to be on TikTok. Are you on TikTok at all? Fuck no. No. I find my fiancée, she occasionally goes on to TikTok and there's a weird trend where, because it's just talentless people lip syncing shit

there's just a bunch of teenagers who lip sync my fucking stand up oh yes, no and like she'll just, because she knows how much it upsets me she'll just, she'll wake me up and she'll be like, I found a teenager who's doing dark

and I'm like, stop doing this to me. And you just see some fucking spoilt little dweeb being like, so my sister's dead. All of a sudden

you're like, I'll queue this up for the plane. Very nice. I'm getting on there and that's going to be all I do just to drive you insane.

What if you just get on there and lip sync your own material? That would be good. That's pretty good. What if you just get on there and lip sync your own material? That would be good. That's pretty good. How do you get it on there? How do you get your own material on there? Can you just upload stuff?

Ask the man who's got his stuff on there. I sound a million years old. Mate, I've got no idea. Tell us how to be famous. Please, mister. Tell us the secret of having two full shows in Adelaide. I've never done a single show in Adelaide. Oh, I'm fucking jealous, mister. Tell us the secret of having two full shows in Adelaide. I've never done a single show in Adelaide.

Oh, I'm fucking jealous, man. It's like saying I've never been punched in the mouth by my mother. Well, maybe someone who will be able to teach us about TikTok, our youth correspondent, please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Aaron Chen. Yes! correspondent. Please welcome back into the little Dum Dum Club, Aaron Chen! What's going on, boomers? Now, Aaron,

how does it work? How do you get on it? What do you do? What's it all about? I don't know. What is Twitter? Something to do with birds? I'm fully off social media basically I got it on another phone and I put it in my manager's office What? I don't know, it's not funny You just left a phone in your manager's office

And put all your social media on the one phone I bought a new phone and I got my friend to change my password So if anyone's posting it's Henry Stone So what was your problem with social media? my password. So if anyone's posting, it's Henry Stone. So what was your problem with social media? I have stuck an addictive habit loop and my brain has atrophied.

It's definitely got something. This will make a great tweet. This is good stuff. The last time I went to my psychologist, I asked her if I had autism. I'm not sure if they're qualified to answer that. Which does qualify you for having it.

She said, would it help you to know? And then I ran out of government sessions. Oh, cliffhanger. You just have to wait for the next calendar year for part two. Ran out of government sessions. Oh, cliffhanger. Yeah. Yeah, right. You just have to wait for the next calendar year for part two.

It's so exciting. It's like Candy Crush. You've been locked out behind the paywall. Like, fuck. You don't know what happens next. What a fucking to be continued. Yeah.

I'm excited to find out. But... Yeah. So you need this... Let's us, after the show, go down to the casino and see how we go. Let's find out together.

And let's make money finding out. I think I'm more a train station type one. Right. Joe, go down to the casino and see how we go. Let's find out together. And let's make money finding out. I think I'm more a train station type one. They should train like the croupiers or whatever they're called at the casino, the people who do the card games. They should train them in recognising it. So halfway through, if you're on a good sesh, they can be like, hey, tell me to mind my own business. But I know one when I see one.

I'm in the presence of greatness. I just love that as an opener. I have autism. One of the train station ones. There's only two, aren't there? There's only like train and card. That's kind of it, right? Train and card counting.

Train and card. Oh, fucking whoever looks at the flight ones are weird. Right. I think they're a subset of train though, aren't they? Should we continue this or? Hey, if you want it to end, chuck some clothes up here and I'll try them on. More than happy to bail out. Yeah, what do we have?

What is that evidence of? I don't know what that is. You're like, yeah, car's a size 32, 32. Yes. Yeah, he deserves a bite. Have a bite of the muffin. That'll cure everything. That's alright.

Man, we couldn't share a muffin 12 months ago. Isn't this beautiful? I love that I'm going to be part of like the super spreader event Of this year That's a poster quote right Yeah As seen giving COVID to Daniel Sloss It's one of the new banners they have up the top Just instead the super spreader event

Just a crowd nobody wanted If you fuck my shows I'll murder you you have no idea how much I've needed this attention you saying yes to this it was like very quick

yeah I'll do it what is it I was like fuck things have changed but also just the standard thing of like I just I do not pay attention to my schedule just because there thing of like I just I do not pay attention

to my schedule just because there's just if I work out where I'm going to be for the next three months I'll go back so I just go day by day

and I just say to my agent text me in the morning of what airport I need to go to what time I need to be there and you're like can you do a show on Saturday

and I'm like message me Saturday and I'll say yes in the morning I was outside of office so I walked out and you were there and I'm like oh you remember Saturday and I'll say yes in the morning. I was outside of office work so I walked out and you were there and I'm like, oh, you remember the podcast? You're like, what podcast? I'd love to text you any details

about the airport, which airline. Yeah, you guys are on the same management. Cheney just like in a back-end capacity. I don't think they are. Well, who cares? How have you been, Cheney? We haven't seen you for ages. We haven't seen you since...

I've seen you during COVID. Yeah, we saw you in a park when we were like... We were recording a podcast like three metres away from each other on a park bench and just watching people walk past, ringing the police. It was crazy. We were doing it outside the stadium.

Outside the MCG. The stadium, yeah. Oh, you can remember the fucking 315 to Belgrave but you can't remember the MCG. Fucking hell.

It's three letters. Yeah, I don't know. I've been good. What do you want to know? You've done another lockdown since then. You went and did hotel quarantine in New Zealand. Yes. Yeah, I did.

Fuck, I'm starting to get jealous of people that are spending two weeks in a hotel because that means you're successful. We just get to walk around because no one wants us. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. To have the demand to go overseas and live it up. How did you find that? The hotel itself? You're not really on social media at the moment

so it was like, yeah, certain other... Mel Buttle was there on that trip with you. Yeah, bragging. She was there doing drawings of dogs all day. Yeah, I know. And then you were just off the grid. I was off the grid in the hotel eating the slop three times a day. I had a good time. I don't know how you found it, Slossy, but I think day 12,

that's when I started going crazy, but I was trying to be really stoic. I could go on walks as a thing. Oh, really? You were allowed outside? They had a little car park and you could do laps like a prisoner. I upgraded to a room with a balcony in it and they were like, because the hotel can't give you the upgrade,

the police have to give you the upgrade because they have to walk you between the hotel rooms to make sure that you don't do anything. How do you get an upgrade through the police? Do you have like demerit points you can cash in? So I just kept... No, that's fucking good. Oh, wow. Let it be known

Daniel Sloss Friend of the cops Fucking knock man He's a fucking knock Are you wearing a wire? Someone snuck weed Into my room In a hotel

I'm just trying to Catch some comfort Someone snuck weight into my room in a hotel. Why me? I'm just trying to catch some cunts. That's all I'm here for. I was allowed in the country under one circumstance, and that was to catch a criminal. See, I phoned reception. I was like, can I get an upgrade? And they were like, because they're desperate for you to upgrade

because they've not worked. So they're like, we'll happily charge you extra money. And then the police phoned up, and they were like, why do you want an upgrade? And I was like, man, I could fucking lie to you and tell you that I'm claustrophobic, but I just have the money. Like, I've got the

money, and if you want that, there you go. And they were like, yeah, fair enough. And then there was a balcony, and because I've been in the fucking UK for the past 14 months, I thought the balcony was like a trick. Like I went out in the balcony and there was like

two Irish people on their balconies and I ran back in and I phoned reception and I was like, am I? Did that make you homesick? Did what? Did that make you homesick? Well it did because we have a good relationship with the Irish. And I was like, can I go in the balcony? And they were just like, yeah.

That's where the balcony's at. And then there was an ashtray, and I've not fucking smoked in, like, three years. But I was like, can you smoke on this balcony? And she was like, well, no, like, it's a smoke-free hotel, but you're also on... It's also a COVID hotel, so who's going to fucking stop you? And I was like, you.

That's why I phoned down. So I was like, you. That's why I phoned down. So I took up smoking because everyone smokes in prison. Yes. It would be interesting to push it. Just be the worst kind of a guest in the hotel you can be. What are they going to do? Kick you out? You're in quarantine.

There's nothing they can do. What are they looking for? When the cops say, why do you want the upgrade? How many times have they asked that? Are they waiting for someone to go, oh, just to fit my meth lab in? Oops! Yeah. I genuinely don't know, but, like,

so my friend, people would drop me off deliveries every day, which made things a lot easier. Like, having little gifts come to you was very, very exciting. And I said to my friend, Jean, I was like, can you just sneak me in a pair of fucking scissors?

Just like... Uh-oh. Bad reason. Just, I was like can you just sneak me in a pair of fucking scissors just like bad reason just I was heavily fucking puby and I was just and I don't like

having lots of pubes and obviously I couldn't fucking do it with nail clippers I tried you should have gone to manscaped.com and used the code DUMB

oh yeah free delivery yeah I mean it would be terrible for you to have overgrown pubes And start making that monster look small Fucking hell

So she tries to sneak in this pair of scissors Well not even sneak in She just hands over this box of goodies And the guy goes We can't put the scissors up Because people are in quarantine And we just don't know what they're going to do to themselves They like seeing you with pubes on

I've got a balcony Nothing Keep going Sorry man I'm pretty sure I said they like seeing you with pubes on. I've got a balcony. Nothing. Keep going. Sorry, man. I said they like seeing you with pubes. They just want to know that everyone in quarantine has a full bush. That's all they want.

We're back in the 70s. This is sick. Cops rule and so do bushes. Do you want this muffin at all? Me? You've more than earned it. Oh. That means... Like, honestly, I've been doing stand-up for ten years now.

This is like my fifth Melbourne. And to just hear that from you, like someone that I really admire, that I deserve a piece of the moment, means so much to me. So thank you so much. This is like being invited over to Johnny Carson's couch. Yeah, when you'd kill and Carson would be like,

come over to the bakery, have a look at what we've got. It's good. Yeah, it's good, isn't it? Where's it from? David Jones. Oh, yes. The home of baked goods. Yeah.

It's like there was a sticker on one last time. They've imported from Belgium or something. Have you got the sponsorship from David Jones? No. No, we haven't. We're absolutely sure just in time for when it closes next week. Which is an actual thing. Oh, for real?

Yeah. Just start threatening them. Just offer them like if you don't start sponsoring us, we'll do reverse advertising. Which is every time I eat one of your muffins, I'll do a hate crime. And I'll be like, I'd never had this feeling before until I tried these muffins.

And then I really began to fucking hate them. Them. Very diplomatic, isn't it, at the end there? So all the David Jones food court kind of places are closing? Yeah, they're going. Let's see if they've got any excess stock you could buy in on. Yeah. Or just get them to hook you up with the supplier.

I could be, yeah, the new subsidiary of the muffins. Straight from Belgium to P.O. Box 6063. Yes, yes. Hawthorne West 3122. David Jones presents Carl Chandler. Yes. Yeah. Yes, David Chandler.

That's all right. That's okay. That's okay. That would be good. What if I just started selling muffins out of the PO box in Hawthorne? That would be fucking great. That's a muffin-sized PO box. You just stack them. Alright, we won't have to talk about it.

So people show up and meet you at the PO box at a set time and you're just there flogging muffins out. Yeah, yeah, because they get them fresh. They come from Belgium to the PO box and then you can fit like eight in the PO box. Yes, yes. Come down every day and there's a limited supply. 8am every day. Yeah, this is

fantastic. What do you think, Cheney? Can you see any problems here? I wasn't listening really. God, it's good to take advantage of people coming in from out of town and just really lift the show up, don't they? I love it. People coming out of lockdown and then listening to us for five minutes and going, boring.

I'd rather watch Tiger King for a fourth time, thanks very much. That was the start of lockdown, wasn't it? Quite a fucking Tiger King. It really feels like the last year has just been nothing, don't you think? Yeah. I think. It feels like we've just deleted just been nothing, don't you think? I think. It feels like we've just deleted the whole thing.

Is that fair? I've got very little memory of it based on the amount of drinking I was doing in my living room. Yeah, I feel like I really came out of it knowing I'm an alcoholic. And I went into it trying to see if I was, you know what I mean? Thank you, daddy. Oh, you said the word alcoholic. Oh, no, I'm not a malignan. You summoned Milan. Fucking hell. He summoned Milan. Hello.

Fucking hell. He followed me on Instagram. Oh, I'm so glad you said Instagram. I was just like, fuck, I'd hate to lose another friend in Parliament. Oh, fuck. Oh, God. Yeah. Do you know how crazy Milan's been going in lockdown?

He's just been buying drinks for himself. I've just been like, I can't believe I did this to other people. We went to a... I guess I better drink it. Prove it. Dan Andrews is like, yeah, 750 cases in Victoria today. Milan just weeping at the screen. 750 cases?

I'd go through that many. We actually went to Rockpool with Milan a week ago and a few friends of the show. And you were there with your recently broken laptop trying to do work at the table. Yes. And it was over. You got it out of your bag and it was so hot that it wouldn't turn on

so you got the waiter to go and put it in the fridge of Rockpool for you one of the most insane things I've ever witnessed my laptop was next to the $120 steaks for quite a while that's a huge move I feel like that's a huge alpha move

you know whenever you go into a fancy restaurant and you see people wearing track pants and you're like, they're the richest person here. They can get away with this. They're in the penthouse that have just strolled down. They can do whatever the fuck they want. Yeah, totally. We've been there so often now.

The waiter. Man of the people. The phrase is all right, mate. But it's actually bad now because the waiters are getting over-familiar with us and because they listen to us talking. The service staff are being over-familiar with me. The help had the audacity. Simply take my laptop and put it in your fridge.

I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to know about your life. No, the waiter there actually calls us cunts. Oh, well, I love this restaurant. Can we officially tip someone who calls us a fucking cunt? I'm not sure. Ask the Scottish person. All right, well, when he turns up.

Yeah, he does love it. Like, we were with Nick Cody. He's not drinking at the moment. Oh, we'll fucking see His fucking wife's back We'll see His real wife's back The waiter was like

Asking him if he also Wants to order off the kids menu If he's not drinking alcohol Oh yeah He just fucking goes for it When's he on the podcast? Is he coming on? This winter?

That would be pretty awesome If we got him on Yeah He's this very like He's a very very heavily Spanish waiter When's he on the podcast? Is he coming on this winter? That would be pretty awesome if we got him on. Yeah, yeah. He's this very, like, he's a very, very heavily Spanish waiter. Heavily Spanish? Heavily Spanish. Heavily Spanish.

Is he like an airplane Spanish or is he like a train Spanish? Yes, he's El Loco. Where's that muffin? Jenny, I think you need to teach Carlo a thing or two about social cues because he doesn't seem to be really getting it. I'm going for the stump. The best bit, I reckon. That's a gooey muffin as well. It's gooey.

It's really gooey. If only I knew about it, maybe they wouldn't be going out of business. You know what I mean? I'm doing my best. Fucking trying to spread the word. Just single-handedly propping up Australian manufacturing. Yeah, poor David Jones. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, man. Shop local. Buy these Belgian muffins. From a high-end department store in South Yarra. Oh, yes. So we have, we sort of have an extra guest because initially you, see, Daniel Sloss, you have a massive show that's like sold out in like an hour or something.

So we thought that you had to leave early. So we got an emergency guest to replace you. But now you can hang around to the end, which is great. But we've already booked him. We've already paid him. So we think we better probably introduce him. We've already paid him. So we think we better probably introduce him. Wait, wait, wait.

Paid? Yeah, you're all paid. Yeah, we got bits of the muffin. Do you remember? Hey, that muffin wasn't free. Hang on, yes it was. And also, now that they're out of business,

that's an extremely rare muffin. So each bite is like $300. It's like a Fabergé egg. So, yeah, you are, of course, you've been on the, you know, you're, as far as I'm concerned, currently Ireland's most famous export. Yes. The most famous comedian to ever come out of Ireland. So we thought as a replacement for when you left, we would get a fill-in.

So, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the second most popular comedian in Ireland, Potatoes O' Irish. Oh, hello. Oh, hello. Oh, hello. Oh, hello. Who wants a potato? Can I give it out of three potatoes?

Wow, this guy is heavily Irish. Good to see you again, Sluss. A lot of balls to do this when none of the Irish comedians are over. A lot of fucking balls. We used to gig at the Hilarious Potato together. It was the greatest. At the Hilarious Potato. Can you make a reference that isn't potato from Ireland? I'm just scared for my life right now.

Considering what Sloss said at the start of the show and the character was pre-written. Man, you're looking good, Potatoes. Yeah, yeah. I think what really makes the outfit is the green, I presume, wristbands. Yes. Yeah, just really puts it over the top

so now I know you're Irish. Yes, I fucked all of the chorus, even the brother. Well, Michael Flatley, I fucked Michael Flatley. I got a big dick. I married my sister. Is this still part of the character?

No, no, it isn't actually. Yes, it's great to be up here. Who wants a potato? I thought you'd be, if you're really Irish, you'd want to keep the potato instead of giving them away. Oh, good point, Carl. I saw you up the back just before the show,

potatoes, just eating one of them like an apple. Why don't you... Repeat that again. Do that right now. If you did it up the back, surely you'll do it now. Surely you'd want to do it. I'm not Tony Abbott. It's surprising I know that.

Don't ask me anything about the Irish political system. Please. Well, it's currently on fire. Oh, you don't know, Northern Ireland's literally on fire right now. Way to bring down the mood

after this hilarious character You guys must have worked together heaps on the scene You guys and Bono Did you start before Sloss or after? We started together We used to open for Michael Flatley Lord of the dance How many more times do you reckon Michael Flatley's going to get references?

Bitch, if you could call it that. We've got Michael Flatley twice. We've got potatoes about seven times. I'm hoping we'll get a third reference at some stage. Dara O'Brien. Say Dara O'Brien. Daryl O'Brien. Daryl O'Brien.

Daryl O'Brien. Yes, yes. Daniel Day-Lewis, he used to do comedy. Daniel O'Brien yes Daniel Day-Lewis he used to do comedy Conor McGregor Conor McGregor yes we did comedy with Conor McGregor

Conor Conor McGregor that was his name before he started writing his name was Conor McGregor one of was his name before he started fighting. His name was Comedy McGregor. One of the best on the scene. Well, it's all in the name. That's obvious.

Yes, yes. Billy Connolly came over once as well. You missed it. It's the wrong one. How dare you mix up the nationality of a comedian like that? Okay. Okay, sorry. But we did some good gigs together, didn't we?

We did. It was tough to follow. Yes, it's going to be tough to follow this. Tell us what you were... I Googled you, I Wikipedia'd you before you came here. You're famous for your, like, you know, you're the king of the Irish circuit. Do some of, like, the local references that you do when you're gigging back home.

No. Oh! That'd kill, I reckon. Yeah, they'd love that. Most people wish for a four-leaf clover. I wish for a four-leaf clover I wish for a three-leaf clover Because I'm not a lucky guy Oh my god

We should move to Ireland Seems like it's pretty easy to get famous over there I once saw someone bomb with topical material in Serbia And you remind me a lot of that guy Oh, back in slosses in my day The potatoes were quite... Oh, the potatoes are back. They were quite plentiful, but laughter, there was a famine.

There was a joke famine. And all you needed to do was talk, and people were like, oh, that must be a joke. Anyway, can someone get me out of here? Yeah, give it up for Potatoes. Give it up for Potatoes O'Irish. O'Irish. That's right, that's his last up for Potatoes O'Irish. O'Irish. That's right.

That's his last name. Potatoes O'Irish. That was Tommy T1. I fucking dare you to do that next year when the Irish are back. Just I'd love to see it. Yeah, yeah. I have, have you got something, Tommy? Because I'm just going to get one little thing that I've got planned.

Is that okay? Ooh, where are you going? I've got more pants. Yeah. Got another Irish comedian lined up, ready to go. No, I've got fucking nothing. What's going on, Cheney? I struggled last time.

What did you watch during quarantine, Harlan? What did I watch? It's such a blur. Like, I was in Sydney. Quarantine was in quarantine, Harlan? What did I watch? It's such a blur. Like, I was in Sydney. Quarantine was in 1995, you know? What? I don't know. Like, it was ages ago.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought this was, like, a cool youth thing, and I was like, yeah, it was. 1995. Yeah. I remember that. I wasn't born yet. I don't know.

I'm having... Yeah, sorry. Now I'm potatoes, aren't I? Yeah, yeah. Can we all eat a... Right now, can we all eat a potato and not a muffin? Yeah. I feel like that's really done something to the room.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I have... I will say, though, the idea was that we would be doing that after Sloss had left. And thank God Sloss is still here is all I can say, though, the idea was that we would be doing that after Sloss had left. And thank God Sloss is still here is all I can say. If we had to use that to fill the entire back half of the show, we really would be in trouble.

You know what, Ashley? Come back! No! I'm here to save the show. In the real, I brought the famine. I'm sorry I brought the famine. I'm sorry I brought the famine. I'm really going to go. I was going to say, other than our friend here,

it's kind of nice not having the internationals here. Yeah. And maybe we should build the wall. I felt that way during my run. I was selling really well and I was like, I honestly would not have been selling this well if there were more shows on. And I was like, I really felt like I had a moment of like,

this is where it starts. This is how you turn into a right-wing boomer. Close the borders, but just for comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was keeping them open, but just comedy. What if this festival finally got everyone in comedy voting Liberal? Get them, Scotty! Yes!

Ballard going, this isn't enough. Pauline? Yeah. You tell O'Doherty to fuck off. Yes! Your dad. Yeah. I actually, I talked about this a while back,

but I got a reprint of my book that I put out 10 years ago or something called Funny Buggers with this beautiful cover. I've been told these aren't reprints and they're the original prints. You just didn't sell them by grade. Someone tied it to a brick and threw it through a window. It was the publisher. We found one copy! No.

No, I believe they printed these new versions with the cobwebs attached. Excuse me. There's a lie. And they've got it. They're a reprint and they've been currently updated to be more topical. Right, right. So this isn't your memoir, Fifty Shades of Bombing? No.

With an intro by Potato. The intro that takes up 98% of the book. No, these are new. These are reprints. They're current. They're fresh. They're to the moment. In fact, I mean, I forgot.

I didn't ask official permission of you, Daniel Sloss, but we do have some of your best material in the new edition. Great. So sorry about I didn't ask for permission. But if you'd like to just... You know, because I've got a heap of these I need to sell after the show. If you just want to... I'll open it to the page right here,

one of your most famous jokes right here. Oh, for fuck's sake. Wouldn't want to be a dead horse right now because you are about to get fucking flogged. What is... Oh, Jesus Christ, this is so upsetting. What is Daniel Sloss's favourite pencil? To be sure.

To be sure. That's good. Do I... Are you implying that I full name myself? I reckon you're the only comedian I reckon that could. Yeah. So Daniel Sloss was walking down the street the other day, talking to Daniel Sloss' fiancee,

and he said, Daniel Sloss' fiancee. Yes, yes. Daniel Sloss and Comedy McGregor walked into a bar. And I've even got... I went to your Comedy Festival show, Tommy, and I wrote down one of your best jokes from your new show. I've got that ready to go in the book, in the reprint.

Here we go. Recently printed book. Yeah, the updated edition, 2021. Okay. Speaking of Daniel Sloss. Oh, what? I've even got segues in this book. Yeah.

Someone brought up Daniel Sloss in the audience of my show the other night and then that reminded me of this. Was it Daniel Sloss? Because he does say that about himself a lot. Yeah, he's like a Pokemon. Daniel Sloss is he does say that about himself a lot. Yeah, he's like a Pokemon. Daniel Sloss is not enjoying this bit. Because Daniel Sloss knows it's going to stick. Speaking of Daniel Sloss, I love Ireland.

I love its natural beauty. I love its culture, its history. But I particularly love its independence. I really relate to, its history. But I particularly love its independence. I really relate to it, actually. I'm the island of comedy. Not officially attached to anything close by. Because I have been self-isolating for years. Thanks very much, everyone.

I've been Tommy Daslow. If you enjoyed the show, please tell your friends. If you didn't like it, shut the fuck up. That's also written in the book I've even got I went and saw Aaron Chen the other night

let's see how fucking racist you get here you fucking coward yeah let's see where your racism courage gets to build the wall

build the wall Carl's got a little gong in the bag ready to go I'm hating where this is heading I'm hating where this is heading I'm hating where this is going You said the G word, not me

Fuck it, hell I mean, I'm heavily Chinese I mean autistic I mean autistic Jenny, he speaks like five times on the pod I mean autistic. Okay, yeah, sorry. Jenny, he speaks like five times on the pod and every time it's a round of applause. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

God. He speaks five times and already he's eaten enough muffins to be diabetic now. So, okay, well, look, you know, this seemed like a good idea at the time when I was writing it when we were publishing the book, but if it's too spicy, you don't have to read it out. We can always edit it out of the podcast. What do you mean by too spicy?

What do you mean by that, you fucking peggot? I mean, it's your material, Aaron, so it's up to you. It's up to you. It's too long to vet, so I'll just read it. How many words exactly is there, just looking at it? How many points is that sentence worth of Scrabble? Quick. Some of these words you can't play because they're hyphenated.

hyphenated. Oh man, he's so much more fun than Ronnie Chang when it comes to this stuff. Oh my god. Man, a lot rides on my first psychology appointment next year. Because if they say I don't have it, then I'm in big trouble. Alright.

Rayman's a comedy. Whenever you're ready with your joke. Your joke. I was in a cafe recently and an item on the menu caught my eye. It was called a duck sandwich. Which kind of made me feel sad in a way because I thought, finally, that duck is literally surrounded by bread,

but now it's in no position to enjoy it. Wow. Yeah. I don't know why that bombed in the room, but that's a good joke. Daniel Sloss knows. What's the context of that? Yeah If Jenny the assassin can't get a fucking laugh out of it

I think that's showing it up for what it really is That's disgraceful The one time Aaron Ginn hasn't gotten a laugh And it's my joke All the best jokes should end with the performer going What's the context of this one? Aping to pack it If Snake's alive the other day, they're all dead. What's the context of this one?

No, the snakes did. Fuck. Damn it, that's it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I don't get a joke? Oh, wow, okay. The woman of colour doesn't get a joke? Uh- wow. Okay. The woman of colour doesn't get a joke? Uh-oh, Carl.

Wow. I believe that's in the next reprint. He's looking through the actual book. Just hoping he knew Jan ten years ago. There's got to be someone. Oh, come on. Oh, God. Maybe you can read out this old Hannah Gadsby thing.

Yeah. What the fuck are you doing? He's actually doing it. I'm looking for one now. All right, here you go. Here's one. Another Chando? Oh, it's you?

Okay, great. Which one should I read? Maybe that one. All right, okay. It's very topical. Very topical. All right. All right.

I think it's wrong that a movie with the title Speed is about a bus driver and not a truck driver. That's pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is alright. Very, very topical too. Yeah. And what's the context around that?

Alright, we've actually got to wrap this up because Daniel Sloss, you've got like a thousand people to play to and I've got about 22, so we'd better get going. Alright, guys give a big round of applause. Jen Fricker! Daniel Sloss! Aaron Chen!

Potatoes! Oh Irish! Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you Aaron Chen Potatoes O Irish Thanks very much for listening And we'll see you next time See ya mate And they've done it again That's true Tommy Well made point

Great ep Yes All Melbourne live episodes are always good Have we had a clunker? I don't even know if we ever have That's true, Tommy. Well made point. Great ep. Yes. All Melbourne Live episodes are always good. Have we had a clunker? I don't even know if we ever have. No. But that was a lot of fun.

Was that the best one so far of this season? It was a lot of fun, yeah. I think they've all been really good. But yeah, this one, what a lineup. This is one that we, or say you, haven't had to edit as much as the other ones. No. So that's good. This could be your favourite. Yeah, I was in a very celebratory mood after this one

because I knew there wasn't going to have to be hours devoted to the edit suite. It's been an uncharacteristically busy time for editing with these Melbourne Live ones. Maybe it's like the pent-up energy of not being able to do them for a year or something like that that's made people get very libelous in the last couple of weeks. Maybe that's it. that that's made people get very libelous in the last couple of weeks. Maybe, maybe that's it.

Maybe that's it. But Cheney Baby, the silent assassin, very funny. And he's been nominated for Best Show as well. He has. Comedy Festival, so good. If you can beg, borrow, steal a ticket. It's like you've just heard that phrase for the first time yesterday. You're like, oh, that's going into the rotation.

Yeah, I left the house and I said, don't say your name. I'm going to get it in five times in the episode today. Oh, you're going to do five. That's what I said, yeah. Yeah, we are recording this a little later than we were meant to because I forgot that I had left the bag with all my equipment in it at the European Beer Cafe after we did this episode. So I had to go in.

Venue opened at midday and just always a good look when you're standing outside a bar. Midweek just waiting for them to open. Just peering in through the window. Just like waving it like at 11.45am. And then coming out with a heavy bag and people going, oh, you just bought like 50 beers. Nice one. Exactly. But yeah, I was there for like 10 minutes just trying to get their attention inside,

which just looks so desperate. And then a couple of people like literally like five seconds to midday as they were coming in to like take the bolts off and like open up the door. These two guys just cruise straight in. Like, what podcast gear are you here to get? We're just here to sing some fucking schooners. Oh, yeah. At midday on a Tuesday.

At 11.55. Good on you, boys. So we've got one live Melbourne ep to go, of course. It's sold out. Then we've got the drunk cast. Looking forward to the drunk cast. Everyone's got tickets to the drunk cast. Look forward to that.

We haven't really talked too much about the legendary drunk cast. How many times have we done the drunk cast? Too many. Yeah. Eight? Seven? Maybe. Something like that.

Yeah. So that's going to be a nice little button in the whole thing, so that'll be fun. Like I said at the top, I've still got some solo shows left in Melbourne. That's going to be a heap of fun. It's been a heap of fun so far. Get along to that. That'd be great.

It's especially good when it's full of youth folk, so get along. Yep. There's one after the podcast this weekend, if you're listening to it hot off the presses. So come to that. And I think I'm going to record it. So get along and get your little laugh on record for prosperity forever. Leave one little shred of yourself on this planet before you pop off this mortal coil. Now, moving forward after all of Melbourne.

Of course. Parth. Yep. April the 24th. Saturday afternoon. 3.30pm. Of course. Parth. Yep. April the 24th. Saturday afternoon. 3.30pm. The Rosemount Hotel. Yep.

In beautiful Western Australia. The weather has taken a big turn here. Looking forward to hopping onto a plane to sunnier shores. That's it. It's going to be heaps of fun. We have nearly sold out, but it is the bane of my existence at the moment. Just seeing the sales report coming up, seeing there's just like a couple of dozen left.

I want them full. Yeah. Get onto it, guys. I can understand the mentality. It's been moved twice already. I can understand people going, I'm not falling for this. I'm going to Adelaide it and leave it till the day before. Yeah.

I think once we're on the gram and people see that we're actually on WA soil, once they know that McGowan's given the green flag and let us in, then they're like, all right, I'm hitting submit. I'm buying that ticket. Get onto it. It is, of course, it is a live podcast with confirmed great guests. And it is a little group show of stand-up as well beforehand. So that's going to be heaps of fun.

It's going to be me and you, Tommy, doing our newest gear. And it's going to be a couple of friends of the show as well, two to three to four maybe. Should we hit the rooms and scout some local comedians and give them a go on the stand-up show? Oh, imagine that, Perth. The best of Perth. It just would be nice to know the promoter on the Thursday night gig

or whatever being like, now we've got some real industry tastemakers in the room. Guys, be on your best bit because it's like, on the other side of the equation, you know, you have that happen every now and then. You hear that someone from the comedy festival is in watching your show, whatever it is. It would be nice to instill that kind of fear in someone else. I just had a great idea. Here we go.

This is what we do. We get in early. What day are you getting in to Perth? I'm getting in Thursday, I think. Thursday, me too. What if we hold an impromptu Little Dum Dum Club Presents open mic competition? We hold it, the

prize is a spot on the Saturday at our showcase and we get to be like Australian Idol judges at an open mic night. Yeah, but do you really want to be watching Perth open mic or do you want to be hanging out with your friends and having a good time? I know you. Once it gets down to it,

you'll be like shitty going, what the fuck did we do this? Absolutely, but right now, it's the best idea of all time. It is a pretty funny idea.

It is a pretty funny idea. Imagine us, imagine it being held in some poor, and you know, look, that's the psychology of Young Open Mic.

It's like, you just, like I remember being like that. It's like, oh, cool, an unpaid gig on a Thursday instead of the Wednesday gig I usually do. It's like, you just, like, I remember being like that. It's like, oh, cool, an unpaid gig on a Thursday instead of the Wednesday gig

I usually do. Oh my God, I'll invite 50 friends. Yeah. Like, I want that mentality happening. People are just playing, you know,

up there doing open mic like it's fucking sheep stations they're playing for. Yeah. And it's just me and you giving it the fucking Julius Caesar thumbs up or thumbs down.

Yeah, RLP Mosquito's game show. Yes. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Errol P. Mosquito's gun show. Yes. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. That would be great, man. Because I know that there's people over in Perth, not listeners, but just friends of ours that are like, oh, come and do comedy.

Come and do a show. And we're like, fuck off. Yeah. We're just doing our show and we're having a break. But that has rekindled the fire. But look, I know, I know. Look, you're right when you say once I get down to it, it's going to be a drag.

But right now, let's think about it. It's a funny idea. Let's consider it. Yeah. It's a funny idea. It would be pretty funny. Especially just – But you know what will happen?

It will be like we'll find someone from there to do it, to do like whoever wins the spot on our stand-up showcase. And then they'll just blow us out of the water. No, no, no. No, but here's the genius angle. Whoever's the worst on the lineup wins the spot on our lineup. Ah, okay. Just so we can have someone terrible so we can get to laugh at them.

So we, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. We want someone crazy. We want someone good. Okay. All right. Yeah. Yeah, okay. We want someone crazy. We don't want someone good. Okay. All right. Yeah. I still think this could backfire because I still think they'll probably do better than us.

All right. Let's think about it. Let's think about it. Perth people, are you interested in that? Let's talk about it. Look, good point what you make about LLP Mosquito. I have booked into the hotel. It is – now, let's reek into what the idea was originally.

It was, if they can find me, if they can what? Contact me? Yeah, you're checking in under a pseudonym, and the pseudonym is Errol P. Mosquito. Yes. E-double-R-O-L-P. Just in case the front desk asks you to spell it. M-O-S-Q-U-I-T-O.

That's it. Errol P. Mosquito. It was a joke about a pseudonym, which then morphed into sort of like a mini game show. Where in the world, where in path is Errol P. Mosquito? Where in the west is Errol P. Mosquito? Yes. So, I mean, we'll narrow it down. It's Perth.

You're not out in Mandurah or fucking Margaret River commuting in four hours to do the podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, so yeah, whoever can, they've got a, what was it? Can they just call up or do they have to like, I think they have to physically like find you, right? No. I think the idea originally was that you were just going to be hanging out in the restaurant waiting for like a waiter to come up and go,

Mr. Mosquito, there's a visitor here for you. I think that was the original idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anything like that. If they can get a message to me, a telegram to me, if they can leave a message for me, if they can get me on the blower there. Right. Not on my own phone, of course, on the hotel phone.

So someone, they need, yeah, because we need like some kind of proof that they've, because the problem is someone could just guess and go, I've worked it out, it's this hotel. And they've never actually had to go through the embarrassment of calling up the front desk and going, hello, I'm looking to speak to someone who's currently staying here. Yeah. Mr. Errol P. Mosquito. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Right. Right. And then what was the prize again? Was the prize that... Oh, that's a good question. What was the prize? I think the prize was like a meal with you. You were just going to be sitting in the restaurant.

Yeah. And if they could find you, you'd sit there and have dinner with them. No, but you know what? Which I liked because you were just going to have to be there for hours by yourself just reading the newspaper. Just hoping a stranger comes to eat with me. And just like the waiter coming over. It's like two hours in like, sir, are you ready to order? I'm sorry.

I'm just still waiting for this person to join me. The waiter coming over. Yes. Yes. No, it's just saying if you're ready for your soup. Are you sure someone's not here to see me? No, unless you count tomato as a friend. Yep.

Yep. Well, look, there's going to be – look, hopefully I'm going to have a few drinks in the hotel with some friends of the show, et cetera. So maybe they're invited to the party if that's what happens. Yeah, but I think first we need to clarify how someone wins this. Right. What exactly has to happen for this person to be able to say, I was, you know, verify that they were the first person to find you

and that they did find you. I think they have to get a message accepted by me via the hotel leaving a contact detail. Yes, okay. Not even a contact detail. So if they can get through and leave a message on your in-room answering machine thing? Oh, maybe if that's a thing. Do hotels still do that? I don't think so.

Or like a written out thing kind of slid under the door? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be good. Either that or I quite enjoy being poolside and having someone come out with a phone and a towel giving it to me. I don't know if that happens in anything else but James Bond movies,

but I imagine that that's the thing that happens. I just think it's worth thinking about the possibility that this is actually way easier than we think it is. Yeah, yeah. And you come back, you just go for a walk and you come back in and you open your door and there's just like two dozen just slips of paper just on the floor.

Like, how do I judge a winner? Well, here's, of course, the thing that we, not exactly overlook, but you sort of brush to one side. There's plenty of people listening to us over there, plenty of normal people. This really only attracts the more psychotic. That's true. So I'm only going to be rewarding psychotic behavior.

Yeah. Well, okay. Maybe that is going to pour cold water on my next idea, which was to combine the two things that we've been talking about. And the prize is if you track down an LP mosquito, you get to do stand up. Yeah, not good. I don't think that's a good idea. Or maybe it is. Maybe it is. Maybe, not good. I don't think that's a good idea.

Oh, maybe it is. Maybe it is. Maybe that is good. Maybe that can be the message that they have to leave for you. They have to leave three jokes. Yeah. Oh. That they would do at the stand-up show.

They have to do their type five, but on a bit of paper. On the hotel answering machine. They have to open the set by saying, Hi, Errol Mosquito. Errol P. Mosquito. Errol P. Mosquito. Great to be here. Yeah. paper on the on the on the hotel they have to open the set by saying um hi errol mosquito errol p mosquito great to be here yeah yeah wow okay all right i'm interested in a lot going on here i'm interested in that yeah this fuck we're giving ourselves a lot of homework for perth um but exciting i like it and and look the idea of someone being bad at stand-up in our showcase is fucking delicious yeah for sure i'm. I'm very excited about that.

That's not us for a change. Yes, yes. Very excited about that. Yeah. Just to have, maybe to have the show closed by someone like that. Yeah. So that we've done our set and then we can just sit in the judges' chairs. Yeah.

That would be good. We need to get the Rosemount to bring in some big spinning chairs for us. Yes. Absolutely. I'm excited by that. Fuck, I would love to do anything like that. We've got to make something like that happen where we get to be judges on something. That's the fucking dream.

Yeah. I was literally watching Dancing with the Stars for a bit the other night just to watch how fucked Daryl Summers is going to be. Oh, yeah. How was that? He was fucked enough. He was fucked enough. Did he bring Blackman in with him?

No. That would have been great. If he's like, if you hire me, the whole gang has to come along. Well, if John Blackman had it rock? No. That would have been great. If he's like, if you hire me, the whole gang has to come along. Well, if John Blackman had it rocked up, I would have been surprised. My jaw would have dropped to the floor, just like his would have as well. I'm not sure I get it. Oh, really? His jaw fucking fell off or something.

I think he got cancer or something. Oh, I didn't know that. He's got like a plastic jaw now. Oh, wow. I didn't know that at all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is very funny in terms of him saying all these fucked things lately, as well as always.

Yeah. And I saw a message. I saw someone on social media saying, God tried to take your fucking voice away and you're still having a crack at it. Yeah, that's great. Yeah. Well, Twitter's perfect for him then. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did he... Yeah. How did that happen to him? Did he see like a sexy red riding hood or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did he, yeah, how did that happen to him? Did he see like a sexy red riding hood or something like that? Yeah, yes, yes. He tried a big, oh, God, it just fell off. Yeah, John Blackman, I guess, is the human, is the personification of the cartoon wolf from the Tex Avery cartoons.

Yeah, yeah. He's the old white man version of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, yeah, get onto it. LittleDumbDumbClub.com, Perth, April the 24th at the Rosemount Hotel. Please. Going to be a lot of fun. We'd love to see you.

This is the biggest venue we've done thus far in Perth, so we have gone a bit bigger than usual, and it is nice to always go somewhere and see the crowds keep growing. Yeah. And so that's a nice little thing to make us look like we're still getting slightly bigger. Yeah. And already a lot of fun stuff planned for that show too. Absolutely.

Outside of just the LLP mosquito-ness of it. Some great guests. But let's get into this. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub is where you can support the show and you can get two bonus episodes every week. There's been a lot of great ones recently. A lot of special guests coming through

while the comedy festival is on. Very quickly, we should actually just, I always mean to do this, to plug the guests that have been on our actual show. Go and see Daniel Soss. Go and see Jen Fricker. Go see Aaron Chen. They're all a couple of days left in Melbourne.

If you're listening to this live, so to speak, and I'm sure they're touring around the country. I'm sure they'll be in in Brisbane in Sydney in Perth all very soon so if you live in any of those places there are three excellent

very funny people to go and see yes yes they do the right thing by coming and helping us out and doing this so yeah

go show that support because it definitely makes it a lot easier to get people in if they think they're going to get something out of it bring them a muffin yes so patreon.com slash little dum-dum club.

Get two bonus episodes every week and, perhaps more importantly, get immortalized in the back end of the free episode by potentially having your name read out. Absolutely. Join the Hall of Fame. Of course, we've got the alternate name to the unplanned title Alternate, sure We've got that open here this week Not looking forward to putting it in the suitcase

And bringing it over to Perth But anyway Let's crack into it First cab off the ring this week Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Eliza Castiel Castiel

Castillo Castillo Eliza Castiel. Castiel. Castiel. Castiel. Castiel. C-A-S-T-I-E-A-U. Castiel? Castiel. Yeah, I guess.

Eliza Castiel. I think. Too much going on there. Yeah, there's a lot. Bit of a mess. There's a lot. Pardon my French, but I think it's Eliza Castiel. Castiel. Castiel. Castiel. There's a pardon my French, but I think it's Elisa Castillo. Castiel.

It's a mess in the back end there. Much like me after my diet during the comedy festival this year. How have you been eating? What's been the food pyramid for Tommy Daslow? Oh, fuck. Because you only did one week, so you can't super blame it on... I know, but I still have been just saying to myself,

yeah, just while the festival's on, all bets are off. Doesn't matter that I only did one week of shows. It's still just, as long as there's some shows happening. Hey, it's comedy festival somewhere. How can you be expected to stay at home and cook while there are shows on that you aren't there at? No, I've been having, I've been like midweek, I've been fine. But then like out doing our thing and it's like, you know, just eating slop before the show and then eating slop after the show.

And then, yeah, it's been, I don't know, just a lot of pizza slices and dumplings and then like late night stuff as well. Yeah. Yeah, there's a bit of that happening where yesterday I had to have a bit of a detox and go i'm just eating vegetables for one meal just to make myself feel a bit better and i don't think it really did the trick too well which means i was a bit too far gone yeah i get i get into runs where i'm like i've been eating so badly and then i'll eat healthy and it'll actually make me feel ill like it'll give me a headache like this isn't good do you ever do that thing where you hung over and you just drink in the morning, drink a big glass of water and then I go, fuck, I feel worse now.

Yeah. It's like I'm trying to pour water on a chemical fire. Yeah. It absolutely does not work. Yeah. The only thing that helps a hangover for me is just fresh air. I need to go for a big walk, get out and just get active. That's the only thing that fixes it.

I think it's sleep for me. Yeah. Yeah. But I can't sleep during, it's like, yes, ultimately, at the end of the day,

but getting through those brutal eight hours, feeling fucking rancid. Yeah. But anyway, yes, it'll be good to reset the diet and then go to Perth

and fuck it all up again. Yeah, man, Perth, I'm getting obsessed by Perth. I'm looking forward to it so much. But Eliza. I like the name to it so much. But Eliza. I like the name Eliza.

Yeah. One of those old school names that everyone gave up on maybe 10, 20 years ago. And then they brought it back and went, no, fuck, nice. I missed it while it was gone. Yep. Now it's good again. It's ready for a big comeback. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. As in, I don't know about Castiel. I never heard of it before, so it's not exactly a comeback. Castier? Yeah, Castier. Castier.

Castier. Castier. Another Castier. Went from French to Kazakhstan. Yeah, to Borat. Went from Marcel Marceau to Borat. Every one of the world's accents is Borat adjacent, I reckon. Right, yeah.

You can change it to Borat in like three steps. Yeah, one degree of Borat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go from American to Borat. Hey, how are you going? This is my wife. God. Castiel.

You've been to France, haven't you? Yes. Twice. I've never been. Twice. I've only ever been to Paris, though. I haven't been outside of. Of course.

The city of love. The city of love. Just went there to jerk your little dick. I would like to do more of France, though, because I've found Paris is, like, pretty – I've only ever been there, like, by myself, and it's a pretty tough place to be, like, travelling solo. People are very rude.

People do not – you know, you kind of – like, I was at a bar the other night with some friends. In Paris? No, here. And the bartender was very chatty. And I was just kind of thinking like, you know, there was a group of us all kind of hanging out and we sort of weren't in the mood to be talked to.

But it is still nice that like, you know, someone in a job like that is like, hey, you know, get everyone involved. And just thinking about when, you know, if you were travelling by yourself, that's the kind of guy who you froth on. It's like plonk down at the bar. It's like,

you can imagine a scenario where you just end out having a, end up having a big night out with this guy just from him chatting to you, serving you. And like, yeah, going around Paris by myself, kind of these like cool bars, looking them up and then sitting down and trying to get involved.

Like, yeah, just, you know, traveling in there. Like who cares? But I get from what I hear, everyone,

like all the rest of France just fucking hates Paris and Parisians. So it would be interesting to get outside of the city and see what it's actually like the rest of France is like. Because I think Parisians are kind of cunts. Yeah, okay. You know what? That encourages me to have a little bit more of an interest. Because I've, don't say names said to me several times. Oh, we go to Paris.

And I'm like, no interest. Just have no interest in it for some reason. Yeah, it is cool. I mean, it's a nice city. And I would still like to go back there with someone else. And like, if you had someone to walk around with, it would be fun. But it just gets very lonely when you're by yourself

because A, you don't speak the language and B, the people that you run into there have absolutely no interest in like helping you out or like going like hey we speak fluent english but we're just not going to but i did um i met up with a there's a there's a listener of this who lives there uh an expat of this of this of this of talking dumb dumb um and uh i met up with her and she was telling me she had seen. Bernie kicked a big one, by the way. Oh, thank you. She had seen friend of the show, Nazeem Hussain, do a gig there. In Paris? Yeah, within a year of us meeting up.

And she was saying it was very weird because Nazeem's stuff is all very race-based and so he would be doing the bit and the beginning of the bit is like, oh, this person said this fuck thing to me. And just the Parisians just lighting up at the racism. Oh, loving that bit. Not so interesting like the punchline where it's like, you know, the actual like, yeah, just literally like,

yes, someone called you a black bastard. That's awesome. And like, yeah, I get the impression that's a bit of a French trait, a little bit. They're a little dodgy. Eliza? Eliza? Any thoughts about that?

Yeah. What do you think? What do you think when Nazeem comes on? Do you prefer it when we bully him or he bullies us? Yeah, good or bad person. What do you think? Just by looking at him, is he good or bad? Yeah, exactly.

Well, thanks, Eliza. Let us know. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Quinn Crowley. Quinn Crowley. Quinn, another very old school one. Quinn Crowley. Quinn. Sounds like some sort of either tongue twister or made up name.

Quinn Crowley is very like a comic book super bad guy kind of thing. I was going to say, is that like a... The bad guy is like a civilian name. Bruce Wayne ever go out with Quinn Crowley or something like that? Or like tech billionaire Quinn Crowley who's actually, you know, fucking whatever bad guy. Right, right. Oh, you think...

Yeah, right. Is Quinn a girl's or a guy's name? Can it be both? I don't know. It's barely one name. Yeah, exactly. It Quinn a girl's or a guy's name? Can it be both? I don't know. It's barely one name. Yeah, exactly. It's not really a... All right, I'm doing it.

I'm looking it up. I mean, I feel like Q is worth a lot of points in Scrabble, right? Right. So, shouldn't a name kicking off with that be multi-gender? No? Can Quinn be a boy or girls? I'm looking up a person called Quinn Crowley Be a boy Or girls I'm looking up a person Called Quinn Crowley

Doesn't help that they've got Themselves plus the partner In the picture Profile picture Oh here we go The name Quinn is a boy's name Of Irish origin Meaning

Descendant of Con Chief leader Intelligence So Yeah But it is also a girl's name Okay then Well

Maybe not Batman's girlfriend then. Yeah, it has to be a tech billionaire then. Okay. Yeah. Someone trying to blow up the sun with a death ray. And then, spoiler alert, it doesn't happen. No. Yeah.

Batman gets in there. Yeah. And instead, he's now using his money for good and giving it to us. Arguably a bigger crime than blowing up the sun. Yeah. Batman gets in there. Yeah. And instead, he's now using his money for good and giving it to us. Arguably a bigger crime than blowing up the sun. Yes. Yes. The death ray of podcasting. Yeah.

Yeah, no, I like it. I like it. I like it as a name. There was a character on the TV show Daria called Quinn, and that was a lady. It is. Fuck, you'd have to get used to that name. Quinn Crowley. Quinn Crowley.

It's a tough one. You've got to break your mouth into it. Quinn Crowley. That reminds me of my friend Quinn Crowley. I'm tottering on falling over over that name. It's one of those names where when you said it to people and if you said it quickly enough, it's hard to tell where the first name starts and the second name begins.

You know what I mean? Which bit's the first? It's like, are you saying your name's Quink Rowley? Quink. Quink. Great name. Quink's pretty good. Quink.

As a name, that's good. K-W-I-N-K. Quink. Quink sounds like you're... I'm saying a word I'm not allowed to say or something. Quink. Quink. Yeah, it does. All of a sudden people are going to be like, no, I identify as a quink.

Sorry, guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, guys. Yeah. Quink Rowley. It's almost worse to say. Quink Rowley. Quink Rowley.

Quink. Quink Rowley. Quink Rowley. Quink. Quinko. Let us know, Quinn, if you're going to start going by Quink now. Please. I like Quinn, but I think Quink is better. Yeah, Quink. Quink is better. Again, I feel like we're saying a word we're not allowed to say,

so I'm going to look it up. It sounds very similar to Twink. Are you just thinking of that? Maybe that's it. Yeah, but that's not a slur. You're allowed to say that. But I'm still thinking Quink sounds like it's something. I'm looking it up.

Quink is a fountain pen ink company. Uh-oh. There you go. Better edit it out. I knew it was something bad. They haven't paid for the sponsorship. They only have black ink, which is bad. Wouldn't it be great if...

I haven't had to edit the live ep, but I have to edit this because we've just accidentally been saying a slur for the last five minutes. There's a famous fountain pen ink company that was buried in my subconscious. Fountain pen ink, not the pens themselves, just the ink? Yeah, I remember buying that when I was doing arts at school. Quink. Oh, yeah, okay. You ever get that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You ever get that? Yeah. Back when I used to fancy myself as a little bit of a drawer, I used to buy that. Trying to learn how to use the quill. A little bit of a Mort Drucker. Yes, exactly. A little bit of a Sergio Aragonese.

Not so much him. A little bit of a... Jack Davis? A bit of a Jack Davis. A bit of a... Jaffe's not so much Ian Kizzy. He's like more paints. Yeah, I guess so.

Yeah, but Jaffe does the... Oh, no, he does all the margins and stuff, doesn't he? No, no, that's Sergio Aragonese. Oh, that's Serge. Yeah. Yeah, he does other bits. He used to do other bits. He just turned 100.

We're talking about artists from Mad Magazine, of course. A bit of a... Fuck, what's his name? Spy versus Spy. Antonio Prohias. Prohias. Yeah. R.I.P.

Yeah, they're all like 80 or 90 or whatever. Yeah, Mad Magazine. Is that why the magazine folded? Because it's like all the greats are going to be dead soon, so why keep this going? The magazine folded because of Al Jaffe up the back end of it. Yeah, that's not bad. That's not bad. Is that in the show?

Have a bit of a think. Is that the closing of your festival show? Don't you hear about this Mad Magazine? Am I Woody Allen at the end of the show or am I John Safran? Oh, it's Jay Leno. Yeah, it's all three of them. Is that you can go from one step to Jay Leno

Or John Safran I reckon there's a That would be Interesting Try and do Try and Can you do Jay Leno

John Safran And who was the other person Woody Allen Woody Allen at once Can you do them all at once Oh fuck Okay so it's gotta be Talking about I'm just trying to work out What this character Should be saying Okay, so it's got to be talking about –

I'm just trying to work out what this character should be saying. So they're doing a monologue. That's the J-Len op-ed, obviously. It's got to be something Jewish. It's got to be like – Something hacky and monologue-y. It's got to be something hacky and monologue-y, talking about Sun Yi and the Freemasons.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. That's good. That's good. Yeah. Yeah, what about – Have you seen this in news? But you've got to say it in your voice. Fuck. So I'm trying to do all three of their voices at once?

I think you can do it. I think it's in your little Venn diagram. I think you can touch on the... Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? It's in the free mate news. That's good. Fuck. That's good. That hurt to do. That's good. Fuck.

That's good. That hurt to do. That's good. They said, what about this? The joke is, soon. I don't think I can do that again, by the way. Oh, yeah, right. I think it's gone.

I was trying to think of the actual joke. Free Masons, I thought they said free children. Oh, yeah, okay. Joke. Free Masons, I thought they said free children. Oh, yeah, okay. Do you think they've reviewed about it? I joined up to the Free Masons because I thought it was called free children.

That's good. Yeah. You effectively sound like none of them and all of them. Yeah. That's a good impression. Well, look, if you think out there that you can do a better version of all three of them rolled into one, I invite you to send it in. In fact, if people want to have a crack and send us a voice recording,

maybe next week we can do Woody Allen, Jay Leno, John Safran corner. A Woody Allen, Jay Leno, John Safran off. That's good. That's good. Thanks, Quinn. You've inspired a new competition. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Susie Haldane. Actually, sorry.

Speaking of impressions of John Safran, it's a common thing that I've noticed. Adam knocks when he tries to do a huesy. It sounds like John Safran, funnily enough. Yeah, right. Yeah. I've been getting angry. Susie Haldane or Haldane?

Haldane? H-A-L-D-A-N-E. Haldane. Haldane. Haldane. Susie Haldane. Susie, another good name. Yep.

Yep. I'm for it. Are you? Yep. Absolutely positive for it. You'd call a child of yours Susie? You'd put that into contention? Well, that's a different question.

I know. And I'm asking it. Yep. The different question is it's a possibility. I don't mind saying Susie. Maybe I'm saying Susie because I think it's like a bit sort of like racy, sort of rock and roll, like a bit of Suzy Quatro, quite like the name of it. So maybe that's slightly different.

A slightly different prism. Yeah, okay. I was going to say that's a deranged answer to that question. Like, oh, where'd the name Suzy come from for your daughter? Oh, I think it's racy. Sexy. I'm thinking, what about if a baby just was dressed in leather? Yeah, yeah.

Hanging out with Tommy Lee. That'd be cool. I mean, any child that's like, what, 10 or so, like now, that's got the name Pamela, it's like, you know, from certain parts of the world, it's like a weird thing that has to have seeped in, the dad being like, yeah, after the hottest woman of all time. After who I was thinking of when I nutted. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, you're right. I want to. Carmen. Yeah. Queenie. Queenie, yeah. Who are the other gang?

Who are the other bombshells of that era? The baddie, Gina Lee Nolan. She was a baddie on it, wasn't she? She was like a hot blonde. Not as, but not quite as. You know, I'm talking about those like the big marquee hot women of the era. Oh, I thought you meant just on Baywatch. No, no, not just on Baywatch.

Because Carmen Electra was on Baywatch. Right, right, right. Yeah. But yeah right, right. Yeah. But yeah. That generation. That generation of just like, you know, just hot. Famously hot. Famously hot.

Probably blonde. Yeah. The era of the fake bazooms was in. Yeah. And a unique enough name that if you called your child that post them being popular, it's sort of linked enough. So, you know, I would say probably the modern equivalent of a Pamela Anderson is like Kim Kardashian. Yes. But Kim is not like as unique of a name that like if you like, you know, in 10 years time, there was a little kid called Kim.

Yeah. You wouldn't automatically go, oh, yeah, your dad was a big fan of yeah kim kardashian yeah no but pamela and carmen i think you'd have a hard time convincing people that it's a coincidence carmen's a bit of a stretch i reckon carmen's not as obvious i think carmen was never like the sort of blue chip you know icon that pammy was true um what about uh what's her name the one that was on in playboy oh what's her name and she died she died reasonably young died in her 30s um people yelling at the podcast right now playboy model um blonde the one that married the 100 year old you i don't know who you're talking about you gotta know you gotta know this not

anna nicole smith yes yeah right anna nicole smith so if you called your kid anna nicole yeah okay yeah that's yeah that's hard that's hard to come back from yeah yeah yeah yeah man that's funny calling your kid anna nicole yeah and just thinking as the baby comes out your husband is already 60 years old. Yeah. Just like already walking around. The doctor that delivers it. Meet your future wife. Oh, yeah.

Susie, Susie, what do you like? Look, I don't want to put you on the spot. Is this with a Z or an S? It is with a Z. I don't want to put you on the spot here. And I don't want to, you know, we probably shouldn't pick sides. But Susie v. Eliza. What do you think? Eliza.

Oh, Eliza. Yeah. Is it because just purely phonetical or is it because you think it's more of an attractive name? Does it give you the tingles? Well, yeah. I don't know. I think they're much of a muchness. I think like Eliza's a little more unique. Right.

It's a little more interesting to me because I feel like Susie as a name, you come across a lot more. Was it Zed though? Yeah. Really? Yeah. All right. I like it. It's good. All right. I like it.

It's good. I mean, I like both of them. They've both got Zs in them. Maybe that's something as well. Does a Z make something a little bit sexier? It's a sexy letter. Do you think so? Yeah.

Is there any boys' names with Z within them? Not at the start. No Zacks. Ezekiel. Oh, God. Yuck. Maybe the Zs just work for the girls There's no boys Zeds There's no one called

Ezra Oh yeah god yuck These are all names from One specific Sect of community That you're being pretty vicious Your response to both of them yuck Well you did the boys, so who's worse?

All right. All right. Zeds are for the girls, I say. Boys, let go of your zeds. Yuck. You can't do anything with them. Thanks, Susie. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Alana Toms.

There we go. A double L? No. A one L? Yes. A N? A. One N.

No H? Nah. A L, A N, A. Alana, don't know about it, honestly. What's not to know about when it's an anagram of A anal? Yep. Or analer. Anela.

That's a good girl's name. Anela. Anela. Anela. Anal. Yeah. I don't, yeah. I don't know.

Like Alana, again, it can be spelt so many different ways. And there's also a version of it that's got an I at the start. What? Yeah. I-L-A-N-A. I-L-A-N-A. I-Lana. Alana, yeah.

Really? Yep. One of the girls from Broad City. Never heard of that. Her name's Alana. Never heard of that. I feel like it would be, it's one of those ones that there's enough different versions of it that you would constantly have to be spelling it down the phone.

Which as we frequently discuss, I think in naming a child, you have a responsibility to make sure that you're not condemning them to a life of. Alana, A-L-A-N-A. Have I said this on the show? A-N-A. Have I said this on the show? I mean, I run Basement Comedy Club in Melbourne. Comedy lives all year round, not just for the Comedy Festival.

So 52 weeks a year, if you want to see comedy in Melbourne, come to my place. I always put friends of the show, all the biggest names are on at Basement Comedy Club. And most of the time, I'll be the one there stamping your wrist or something like that um so if you want to come say hi but as part of that i am i'm always looking at people's names as i'm checking them off yep and uh there was a family come in the other day a couple weeks ago and you're when someone has an unusual name i have to bite my tongue because i feel like I'm on this. I feel like I'm doing talking dumb dumb. Someone will have a name and I'll go, ah, no.

Because it's not like this where me and you are talking. We've never heard this name before so we can have fun with it. And we're saying it to 99.9% of the people out there who have never heard this name and they're entertained by it. And the person whose name it is isn't here.

Yes. They'll hear it but yes. Yes. But when your audience, when 100% of your audience is the person with that name yes you've got to go yeah they've heard all of this yes exactly you go and the most i'll let out is sort of like unusual or if it's really sometimes i'll give it a little bit of um if it's some absolutely bizarre weird name someone called Mitzelplick I'll go they'll say I'll say what's your surname

they'll go Mitzelplick I'm like oh there's actually four sets of Mitzelplicks in here tonight and they go really and I go absolutely not the most I'll do is this thing that's extremely annoying but that's it that's the most I'll do

but I had a fan so I try and hold my tongue with that sort of thing This thing that's extremely annoying. But that's it. That's the most I'll do. But I had a fan. So I try and hold my tongue with that sort of thing. If I get a bit loose, if I had a few drinks, maybe I'll have a little bit of a play. But I did say this a couple of weeks ago. A family comes in and I said, surname please. And they go, Hat Trick. And I looked down.

Someone's surname was Hat Trick. And I looked up and went, and there's three of you here as well. And they burst out laughing. We're like, oh, yeah. And I'm like, have you never heard that before? Wow. That's amazing. And they're like middle-aged. Yep.

Like fucking hell. You've just been living in a cabin in the woods by yourself. What was the setup of like there being three of them? There was just three of them. No, no, but like what was the relationship between all of them? I did, look, I don't hold up and get the biography of everyone that comes through. But it wasn't like husband and wife and then child, obviously. It was like.

I think it could have been. Oh, but it's just like one person's booked under. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think it was the family. Okay. Because like when I said that i was like you could tell they were going to their seats going oh my god that would have been great if that funny how good's this show yeah yeah yeah that would have been great if they just slammed

you and gone actually only one of us is hat trick he booked the tickets and where uh you know mr and mrs fuck yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm like fuck, I wish you had booked under that name then. I could have had more fun with that. Fuck. Yeah. Oh, and like, you're here with your kid

and it's like, how did you create the kid? Yeah, yeah. Yes. Yep. The hat tricks. Yeah. Just like,

A. Anal Toms. Mm. A. Anal Smot. That's an anagram of your name, Alana Toms. Mm-hmm. Mm.

Is that about it? I think that's about it. Yeah. It's a good name. I like it. Yeah. I quite like a bit of a... It's funny that you do...

Comically... Yeah. I quite like that Alana is like a normal, nice name, above average name. Yeah. I'd give it... It's in the top 30 percentile of names, I reckon, personally. You give it one of those nice names and then you just give it sort of a bit of a weird last name.

Hey. Well, that's a first name. It's fine. But you're Tom. Toms. Not Toms. Is it T-O-M-S? Yes.

That is strange. Yeah. Well, I'll tell you the most interesting thing about it is that the name Alana, it's interesting that you have to – if you come at it from the rear, you'll get anal. Oh, yes. You can too. Very, very nice. Well done.

Slam dunk. We got there. That's up there with hat trick. We got there. I'll use that next time I'm on the door at Basement Comedy Club when an Alana comes in. Yep. If you come at you from behind, you get anal. What?

Oh, sorry, your name's not Alana at all. Show's cancelled, everyone. That's the other person. That's the next person. Sorry about that. Sorry, no, I was just thinking about something I was watching before I came in. Alana Toms.

What if you rebranded yourself to Toms Daslo? Tommy Toms. No, Toms Daslo. Toms Daslo. Toms Daslo. Yeah. I mean, there's not many plural. Tommy Tom's. Tom's. No, Tom's Dazzler. Tom's Dazzler. More than Tom. Yeah. I mean, there's not many plural first names, are there?

No. Carl's. No, there's not. There's not. That'd be a bit of fun. Tom's. Don't mind it.

Yeah. It is a strange surname, but it's all right. Yeah, it's fine. Well, but, you know, it's all right. Yeah, it's fine. Well, I'm trying to think of the history of the family, where they got that from. Where there were just a bunch of her great-great-great-grandfathers all called Toms and went, why don't we just, you know, make this history?

This is easier than every person in our family who has a kid thinking that they have to call it tom yeah yeah let's just put it in the surname yeah yeah they they thought tom's is a great name let's call everyone toms and then someone went that's confusing just have the surname as tom yeah yeah it's like the little uh the little symbol for like when you do an equation and it's like recurring right it's It's this little Tom, little whatever that symbol is, recurring. Tom recurring. Tom for eternity. Yeah.

Tom through the ages. Right. All right. Let's do one more. Yeah. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Tom Comedy. Great. LittleDumbDumbClub.com.

Sign up to the Patreon. Thank you to everyone who does that and supports us every month. Get those last few tickets for Perth. And yeah, we'll see you this weekend in Melbourne for the conclusion of our triumphant return season. It's been a lot of fun so far. And, yeah, thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time.

Thanks, Tom Comedy. See you, mate. See you, Tom Comedy.