The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 554 - Sam Mac & Danny McGinlay

Episode Date: May 12, 2021

This week we're joined by SAM MAC and DANNY MCGINLAY! Sam's in town to launch his new book Accidental Weatherman; Tommy went to the launch and got too nervous to ask his question during the Q & A. We also finally grill Sam about the backstory behind one of our favourite ever pieces of media, before laying out the entire saga of our recently hacked Twitter account. PLUS Tommy's controversial game show returns for one quick round, and it's actually met with a warm reception! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Sam, Mac and Danny McGinley. Sydney, if you are listening to this, hot off the presses. We have a big live show in your city this weekend, Saturday, May the 15th, 8.45pm at the Factory Theatre. It is a last minute booking that we've made. Really need you guys to get on this, get some tickets and come out because who knows when we will be back in Sydney. It's been two years since we were last up there. Very exciting stuff. Very we will be back in Sydney. It's been two years since we were last up there. Very exciting stuff. Very great to be back there.

So get on to that. And the very next day, of course, we're doing our stand-up show on the Sunday afternoon at 3.30 at the Potts Point Hotel. That's it. It's only $25 to see both of our solo shows. That is your show, Tommy. That is Tommy Daslo Meatball. Yep.

And my show, Carl Chandler. Please call me Carl. Mr. Comedy was my father Two big fat hours of comedy Your chance to see it for the year before that comedy is gone, it's gone It's going to be a big weekend, so yeah, come out

check us out, littledumbdumbclub.com for tickets, we will talk to you more at the end of the show in Talking Dumb Dumb, but until then enjoy this new episode with Sam Mack and Danny McGinley. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us.

My name is Tommy Dasolo. With me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day Dickhead. And we've got two great guests today. Please welcome back into the Little Dum Dum Club, Sam Mack and Danny McGinley. Hello. How lucky we were at Dum Dum HQ. This is very exciting.

I'm told that a certain celebrity, you've obviously covered this in previous podcasts, but do you have any Geonopolis updates? No Geonopolis updates. I haven't seen him for a little while, actually. I think this might be the longest stretch I've ever gone since living here without seeing him. Does that worry you? It does worry me a bit.

Does it worry you that he's ill or he's working on The Wogboy 3? No, that's not a joke. Yeah, he is. He's working on a TV show called Walkboys Forever. So what worries me about it is that I'm not seeing him because it's in production and I've missed my shot to try and get a little role in it.

I want to walk on. You've got an ethnic surname. Surely you're a run-in for this. I've got a fake ethnic surname. Well, it's an Italian surname, right, Dasolo? Yeah, sure. What percentage Italian are you? Here we go. 100%. Good stuff. Really? Yeah, sure. What percentage Italian are you? 100%

So Sam, let me, let's wind back the clock 10 years. And 9 years and 8 years and 7 years. Tommy Dasolo, Dasolo is not his real name. Dasolo is in fact not even a name. For some reason Tommy Dasolo made that name up

15 years ago. It doesn't even exist as a surname. I'm shook at the moment. You should be. Genuinely, you're saved in my phone as Tommy Dasolo. What's the truth? Do you know his real surname, Danny? I do, yeah. It's not a secret.

It's about the whitest name of all time. What is it? That's why I changed it. Sam McMillan. His surname is, like, he might as well be In a Midsummer Murder special Or something Yeah It's Allsop

Oh Yeah There used to be No it's a disappointment That's why I changed it Yeah yeah But there was a Melbourne Victory player Danny Allsop

Danny Allsop played for Manchester City Yeah very good player Yeah I wouldn't go that far Played for Blackpool Man just At least one Allsop Achieved something

Yeah Do you know actually When I was used to When Danny Allsop achieved something. Do you know, actually, when Danny Allsop played for Melbourne Victory every time he stuffed up, which was a lot, I would always go, Dassolo! Which sounds more like a soccer player accommodating himself. Dassolo, why? Is he 1L or 2?

I thought it was 2 from memory. Yeah, I think so. Because you're 1L. I'm 1L. 2? He's... I thought it was 2 from memory. Yeah, I think so. Because you're 1L. I'm 1L. Yeah, he's 2. Already disses himself from Danny also. I'm not being associated with him. No thanks.

Well, how many Ls have you got? It doesn't really matter when you just fucking change your name. Like, there's no Ls in your name anymore. You can't bring it up and then say it doesn't matter. Well, no. My real name matters or it doesn't. Well, it doesn't matter if she's not going to use it, is my point.

I mean, I use it in my real life. When I'm out of character. Oh, what's this? Bruce Wayne. Checks into hotels under it just in case the paps are out. Is this some sort of dream that's happening right now? This is Larry David when he's on curb and then you guys leave and I'm Larry David around the house.

Did you consider Ginsberg at any point? That is a much better idea, taking one that someone else has just abandoned. But I am going to have to delete all of this out of the podcast

because if Geonopolis gets wind of this, that I'm not a bonafide Italian, I'm going to have blown my shot at being in Wogboys forever.

I need to pull up the pony There for Nick Because normally You would go Forever when it's The fourth installment Of something

I believe there's Some I'm trying to think Of the movie franchise Where the fourth one Is called forever That's the third one You sure

Yeah Unless you count The Adam West 1966 one As the first God fuck This is a real Danny McGinley episode

Danny also. I can feel the numbers dropping off as we chat. Exactly. Hey, hey, hey, a lot of the older listeners are going, yeah,

McGinley gets it. No, no, no, they're going, we understand, but we don't want to. We listen to this to feel young, not to be reminded of how old we are.

But it's not a film, it's a TV show. I don't know if it's a... No, there was a movie though of the Adam West one. No, no, no, it's the Wog Boys thing. Oh, the W's a... No, there was a movie, though, of the Adam West one. No, no, no. No, we know.

Oh, the Wogboy, right. Sorry. Try and un-McGilliam yourself, please. Be more like us. Oh, fuck yeah. Sam's been up since 3.30am. How is he more on the ball than you? But no, I think...

So this is a TV show, so I don't know if it's a continuation of the Wogboy movies franchise or if it's a continuation Of the Wogboy movies franchise Is it canon? Or if it's a soft reboot Yeah Or a continuation of Acropolis Now There we go

Yes, there we go Yeah I wonder what counts towards the Wogboy canon Because famously the Wogboy novels aren't Right I mean, we're talking about the Wog multiverse here Yes Can we even say WOG anymore?

Is it okay? Like, has that been cancelled? No, no, no, because Nick owns it. Oh, right. It's copyright reasons. Globally, he owns that. Well, he tried to. He tried to sue someone for using it.

So I believe he tried to copyright it. Isn't it funny that Santo Chilaro's sketch about Nick Gianopoulos has become more true? Okay, I can't get any more fuckers. Can you talk about something that more than 6% of the population know? Thanks for giving up your morning to come and do this for free, Nick and Leigh, but please do it differently. Yeah, yeah.

No, do it better. How much do I need to pay you if that's the problem? Oh, sweet. Yeah, for $100, I'll just talk about Avatar. Even Avatar's gone. No, that's the latest film I've seen. Speaking of getting paid, didn't you get paid to host a book launch recently?

I did, yes. I was doing Nurse Georgie Carroll's Melbourne book launch slash show. And yeah, it was great fun. Because you've just launched a book, Sam. Oh, thanks for bringing that up, Danny. I just noticed a copy of it in the corner of my eye, Tommy. No big deal. Tommy Allsop.

Yeah, this is... What name has he got written inside the front page, just so when it gets returned to... Oh, it's a freshie. He obviously hasn't opened it yet. I wasn't aware that you were supposed to pay hosts for book launches. I've had three good friends host my book launches in Adelaide, Sydney and Melbourne last night.

Hans the Chairman, Dr Chris Brown and Alex Dyson, the big three as they're known. The Mount Rushmore of book emcees. There was no discussion of cash. Is that an oversight on my behalf? Did you get paid by Hatchet? I will say I went to two of the book launches. I've never been to a book launch where there's been no alcohol provided. Oh, no.

Well, there was in Sydney, but it ran out very quickly. Melbourne drinks at bar prices. Yeah. And there was some vegetarian finger food that also ran out very quickly. Yeah, I have nothing to do with the catering. This might shock you. I'm an author. Danny, I love how you're following Sam's book launch

around the country like it's the Grateful Dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got the tour T-shirt. He's in the VW wagon, just in the parking lot out the front getting high. He's in the second one going, oh, do chapter one again. Oh, this killed in Sydney.

Well, you did tell us before, because I went along as well last night, you did tell us before it kicked off that in Sydney it was all going very well and then Koshi, the host of the show that you're on, got the mic and took over for about half an hour. He did, yeah. To import you. But the reason that that was kind of bizarre was that we did a prank call

a few days earlier. So Dr Chris is a mate of mine and he was hosting it. He's Bondi Vet. Yeah, Bondi Vet. The artist formerly known as bondi vet we we um we did a prank call on koshi sorry we did a prank call on chris telling him that um channel seven wanted koshi to host it because it's a bit more on brand and obviously chris is a 10 personality and chris is the loveliest guy and he kind of he was so good about it but you could tell that he was a little bit cut that he was being removed from emceeing judy duties and he's missing out on all that sweet buns yeah finger food all of it um and this is the bondo bondo mortgage to pay but then we kind of revealed

it and it played on the air and everything but then it became true because on the night he went over to ask koshi a question and Koshi took the mic and then basically hosted a chat show for half an hour interviewed my girlfriend was this part of the plan and everyone was like no

and then it only stopped because Koshi's wife Lib told him to put the mic away and Chris had to surgically remove the mic from Koshi's hand and he got the biggest

cheer of the night bigger than anything related to the book but that actually happened Koshi with sticky feet. I love it. So I was sitting there last night going, who's going to go rogue at this one?

Who's going to take over? You had Rob Millsy Mills in the crowd. We did. It was a star-studded line-up. TV's Danny McEvoy. He doesn't just turn up to everything. Danny, you introduced me to Millsy, and I wanted to go

I've met you six years ago at Oliver Clark's karaoke night yeah and then he was like I gotta go mate I'm off to do a cabaret night with a drag queen

like the fantastic life of Millsy what can't he do you should get him on he'd be an awesome guest he's up there with Nick Gianopolis as a Melbourne personality

I reckon he's right up there, I reckon. Very comparable. As ubiquitous? I think so. I really think so. Millsy's awesome, though. Like, you're one of the nicest guys.

I know that's not funny. Well, why'd you say it? Yeah, I'm also team Millsy if we're turning this into some sort of debate. Okay, so my favourite scene in Enter the Dragon is when... But during the... You had a Q&A, Sam, at the end of the. Okay, so my favourite scene in Enter the Dragon is when But during the, you had a Q&A, Sam, at the end of the book launch, which Q&As, traditionally they can be kind of excruciating. Yeah. Even if you want it like a film

festival or whatever. Oh, big time. It's like people just wanting to show how much they know about the subject or whatever, which I was kind of tempted to do. I wanted to, I did have a question that I wanted to ask. Yeah, I like that you've saved it for the podcast, the safe space. I was like, should I do it?

I was second guessing myself and I got too in my own head and I got too nervous and then I didn't do it. Melzie has that effect on people. Yeah. Yeah. How do you think this would have gone if I'd have put my hand up? Okay. I'm just taking myself back there.

I'm picturing you. Because everyone was asking all these like pretty sincere questions about like, what do you wish you'd known when you started the job? Yeah, this might shock you, but some nice people actually like what I do. Wow. Yeah, I know. I know. It's crazy.

Must be nice. We don't have that. Millsy quite earnestly asked, what's the next step for Sam Mack? Yeah. And it got a laugh because everyone thought he was taking the piss, and he looked quite wounded because he was just sincerely trying to ask his mate a nice question. It sounds like you're bitter. Millsy got a laugh. No, no. Millsy's just iron

off the weatherman spot. So when are you moving on, pal? What do you think this would have gotten as a response? I put my hand up. Any final questions? There's the young Italian boy over there. A thank you. Okay. Yep. Yes thank you. Okay.

Yep. Yes, Tommy. What's the temperature going to be tomorrow? Oh, you know, I think in that room was a very supportive room. Yeah, okay. I think it would have gone okay.

You're right. Yeah. I just thought, because there was a Daily Mail journalist there and I thought, if I bomb in front of this guy, it's going to be

a tabloid headline. Well, that was Higo, wasn't it? Were you there for this? No, you'd left. So this is fascinating. Danny left halfway through, by the way. Yeah, stormed out, I think the Daily Mail reported that.

Disgruntled. Our feud. So Higo, Dave Higo Higgins, radio announcer, been on air for many years in Melbourne, pretended to be a Daily Mail journalist. That's one of the questions. And you fell for it. I fell for it completely.

Yeah, I thought if this bombs and I'm on a headline like terrible question asked at Sam Mac Q&A. Yeah, or all sop flop. So many options. Tommy all flop. No, that's a low point. Yes.

There we go. That's it. By having a real name and a fake name, I'm giving him so much to work with. That's the header and the subhead. Yeah, the headline's going to be a fucking bluff. Which photo would they use? You with that's the header and the subhead yeah the headline's gonna be a fucking bloodline which photo would they use

you would know all the great Tommy photos which photo him promoting his show about Vegemite where he had Vegemite smeared on his face that's very Daily Mail

very Daily Mail yeah and it's you see the photo and you think well surely surely this is what the article's about

the article is an attack of this man essentially doing blackface but then it just never comes up in the body of the article's about. The article is an attack of this man essentially doing blackface. But then it just never comes up in the body of the article. It's just not addressed at all. They do love a bit of... How much Vegemite? Was it just a little bit on the cheek or did you commit to the forehead?

No, it was... So I went to do a photo shoot for this show I was doing about my family's history with Vegemite. And the photographer... I can't believe I missed that one. Any questions? Yeah, I think it was more about his yeast infection, but anyway, whatever.

Yeah. So the person taking the photo was like, why don't you rub some veg... You know, doing all these things, like posing in front of a jar of it, like, oh, maybe you look a bit silly, and then she's like, open it up and just start smearing it on your face.

People at home are frantically googling. I can't believe you got Sam Newman to take your photo. But it's that thing where I'm sort of there going, I don't really feel good about this but you know, you'll do anything in front of a festival show like you've got to just it's this or it's nothing.

And yeah, it went out and boy did I get a bit of commentary from some people. But if it had to come out, you know. Can you even find it online now? I went looking for it and I couldn't find it. Right, right. We could recreate it. Do you have any Vegemite?

Only boot polish, I'm afraid. Fresh out of the Vegemite. I've got some soy sauce and some maple syrup. You're trying to do blackface with soy sauce oh no that's a double whammy you're just lying on the ground

letting it soak into your skin just trying to marinate yourself in it so it sort of my mum a very rare case of my mum being interested in this podcast when I was talking to her this morning I said

oh you might like this we've got Sam Mack oh Sam Mack's on your thing okay i didn't think you'd be able to get someone like that cheers mom um but she did say i did write down i was talking to her and all of a sudden she was like are you still listening i'm like yeah i'm just writing down exactly what you're saying right right because she did say um oh sam mac he is quotation marks, and I know it's a bit late for this. You've already got Dr. Chris Brown's quotations on the front of your book. You can use this for Accidental Weatherman 2, The Weathering.

He's a good scout. I like his ditties and his singing and his little ways. What the hell? How patronising is that? Little ways. Little ways. She knows he's not Little Richard

Like Yeah yeah Well it sounds like It's a compliment Is that No totally Very very much so Thank you

Mrs Chandler Skits and little ways Yeah And his little ways I'm like I've never heard My mum talk like that ever Makes you sound like A scheming lovable scamp

From a 20s film Yeah Calling someone a good scout Sounds kind of sort of sus. You know what I mean? If you say it in a certain way. Well, he can keep a secret. He's a good scout. But also like...

Wink, nudge, nudge. He's a good Catholic boy. The weatherman's a good scout. It's like, unlike in the old days, Brian Burey, what a fucking cunt he was. Don't get us started on Tim Bailey. Well, I thought, Sam, so yeah, perhaps for our overseas listeners who may not be as familiar.

Oh, no, I'm global. Weather's everywhere. Weather is everywhere. They've got weather overseas. Yeah, you are the weatherman for morning TV show Sunrise here in Australia. You do crosses from a different location. Which is the equivalent of the NBC Today show. Right, yeah. I'm the Al

Roker of Australia, which is a bad time to say that given what we've discussed in this podcast. So yeah, you are here. Normally when we've done this podcast with you, we've done it when you've been here, we've been at whatever hotel you're staying at. You are at my house at the moment.

Your publicist mentioned that you are currently in Melbourne staying with your girlfriend. Yeah. And she made it very clear that it was not an option to record there, even though I did not ask or assume that that would be the case. I would be on edge having one of you guys at my girlfriend's house. Absolutely no circumstance would I have four of you to do the podcast. Is that just you're worried about the sex appeal of Dassolo and Chandler,

just making her realise the error of her ways? I just think, you know, I think in early days of a relationship you sort of build with like letting her

meet your extended friendship group. You don't want to like, you know, go too hard on that too early. What I'm saying is you're three years away

from meeting her, Carl. Well, what point in the relationship do you introduce C-grade podcasters? Normally at my book launches. Right, yeah.

You're worried about me stealing her away because, as they say, fake Italian is the language of love. A real Latin lover. But because you are here, I don't know where you were. You were in Geelong this morning doing the cross? No, no. We were at the Athen AM this morning for the Wedding Singer, the musical. Yesterday we were at the athenaeum this morning for uh the wedding singer the musical uh yesterday we were at the sarah lee factory on the central coast uh we're at a school earlier this week it's kind of that's a standard sort of sunrise weather week i mean you

know you know the deal danny you know what we do we kind of we show up anywhere that is now that that is we were talking about this before but when someone ends up with a case of uh of covid and then they do that that tracing of like where they've been they always turn up in these weird is we were talking about this before but when someone ends up with a case of uh of covid and then they do that that tracing of like where they've been they always turn up in these weird spots you would be the king of this oh my god if you got covid all of a sudden it's like yeah i was at the wedding scene at a cheesecake factory dancing school and a fucking kite competition for some reason avocado farm yeah yeah that's great Because they never Name the person In the press But like

Any avid sunrise Viewers would just Immediately be like Oh Mac's got it Yeah yeah And at Koshi's place Oh it's fucking Mac If you were in

The cash cow suit Between these hours Yes But I thought Sam Yeah you've been To all these great locations And done crosses from there You are currently

At a very famous location The Masturbatorium As it's known On this podcast Just outside Nick Junopolis' house As well Yeah so I thought Let's do a test Let's assume currently at a very famous location, the Masturbatorium. Yeah. As we're going on this podcast. Just outside Nick Junopolis' house as well. Yeah, so I thought let's do a test. Let's assume that you were doing a live cross for Sunrise. Yeah.

Here this morning live from the Masturbatorium. What would you be focusing on? Give us a little bit of action. Let's see if we can just cross to you. Well, I think that, hey, Koshi, good morning, team. We're here at the, I mean, I would not run with that on sunrise. I'm pretty edgy for weathermen, you know that. But even I would not be doing that.

You can't pump that out at 7.33, can you? Yeah, it's fair enough. I think we would obviously want to meet you immediately and we'd probably do the expose on your real surname. We would look for any signs as to how the place got its name without being too, you know, overt about it. And there's a lot of signs, isn't there? Like, what are your top three alarm bell signs,

Danny, that you see when you walk in that sort of references why it's called what it's called? Oh, this is backfired. Well, the fact that, you know, Tommy lives here alone in a place that he killed. I'm dubious about the two tea towels. Which are kind of hanging in. They used to be white,

but is that like a soy sauce colour on them already? Well, they could have been mopping up either end, though, to be fair. And actually, good point here, Sam. For a guy who lives alone, there is a lot of different cooking oils. What are they? Do you need grapeseed as well as vegetable?

At least use four, Tommy. I like that you don't put the pan back. You just leave it there because you know you're going to be using it again in 12 hours. Absolutely. I'm the same. Why would you bother putting it back in the cupboard? Yeah, it's a feature point of the room. So see what I do? This is what I do.

I make it about other people, you know, to take the attention away from me. And it would be three hours of just mocking you and your abode. And then we'd leave and say, have a good day, mate. Yeah. And then the inbox lights up of like, why the fuck did you just go to this guy's house? There was no real reference to why you were there, what the relevance was.

What I love about your crosses is this is the thing I've noticed is that you've got a little sort of a circuit breaker when you do it. So you're out there, you're at the whatever it is, the cotton candy farm for some reason celebrating 33 years of cotton candy i've always been a big supporter of the industry yeah you know that a lot of jobs yeah yeah and you're out there and it's like um oh and what are we going to do here and you sort of you can see you manufacture something it's like okay well you twirl that thing up on a stick and then you go right they've uh they've got on a stick uh round of applause for the stick and then

all of a sudden all these people in a room clapping a stick and it's like okay i guess we're clapping that and then someone else eats it round of applause for the stick. And then all of a sudden, all these people in the room clapping a stick. And it's like, okay, I guess we're clapping that. And then someone else eats it. Round of applause for someone eating cotton candy. And it's like, what's happening? Why is everyone clapping? How come he makes everyone clap? That is my go-to because it just brings some energy and it brings a vibe

and it gives me a few seconds to think of something mildly amusing to do after that. But well done, you've cracked the code. I do like the look in the eyes of the people where they're like I guess we're doing this now I'm essentially a warm up guy for my own segment

is what I am isn't he doing a great job guys oh come on come on and then he throws back to Koshi and then Koshi has to say Sam you forgot

to do the weather this soundbite could be used in a documentary at some stage but you could lead a cult that's the kind of like magnetism that you know magnetism yeah This soundbite could be used in a documentary at some stage, but you could lead a cult. That's the kind of magnetism that... Magnetism, yeah.

Thank you. There we go. There we go. I feel like one day when they're... As I'm watching a Netflix documentary of just a footage of a mass grave of all the Macfarlanes that have offed themselves, just this soundbite will be playing over the top of it.

Weatherman is the perfect cover for that kind of operation, isn't it? No one would suspect it. I mean, what's Tim Bailey doing these days? I know I keep talking about him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're really shifting the blame. Yeah, and he's not big over here, is he, in Melbourne? No.

No, he's not. What about Jane Bunn, huh? Jane Bunn, yeah. Jane Bunn, yeah, yeah. Yeah, popular here. No, our wacky weatherman for Melbourne is a guy called Mike Larkin. Oh, yes. On Channel 10, who always throws in a dad joke. Oh, yeah, yeah. Popular here. No, our wacky weatherman for Melbourne is a guy called Mike Larkin. Oh, yes. On Channel 10, who always throws in a dad joke.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Edwin Mars, the one I remember. He was an ABC guy who had a different pointer all the time. And I remember when Sexpo started, he very controversially used a dildo. Oh, really? Yeah. Wow.

On the ABC? For mid-90s, ABC was like, goodness. You are the modern day weatherman in that you don't have a bow tie. Because that was the go-to. If you were in the 80s, you'd be wearing a little bikini right now. The ABC weatherman does. Nate on the ABC breakfast. Oh, Nate Byrne.

He's a great guy. He's got a bow tie. Very tight-fitting pants as well. He was in the Navy for ages. Was he? Yeah, yeah. He can kill you with his pants. What a transition.

He was a meteorologist for the Navy. Oh, really? Yeah, he's a proper meteorologist. All right, all right. That's a good point. Round of applause for proper meteorologist guys. Yeah, we've all forgotten.

Oh, great. Yeah, just before you go in, I think I know where you're going with this, but I reckon the worst part of your job... I bet you don't. I bet we're going to turn up with an 1800s reference in a minute, but anyway.

What if Yoda did the weather? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I had a friend who was the Fox FM traffic reporter. She would fly around in the helicopter called the Flying Fox, and she said the worst part of the job clearly was you should go to parties, what do you do for a living? And then people would go, geez, the Southeastern Freeway the other day

was chock-as-duty. I'm going to stop you right there. I don't care. Do you just get people coming up to you and just going, geez, there was a lot of Northwesterlies this week? Yeah, which is part of why I wrote the book. I mean, it's been quite cathartic to reveal... So you just hand them a copy.

Yeah, to reveal how little I know or care about the weather. And it's a semi-controversial viewpoint when you are employed as a weatherman. But I do care about the weather when there. And it's, you know, a semi-controversial viewpoint when you are employed as a weatherman. Yes. But I do care about the weather when there's, you know, an actual weather event

where people need to know if there's bushfires or the floods we had recently where you need relevant information to be put out there. Yeah, but who does Sunrise use when there's bushfires? Not me.

They go to a meteorologist. But I'm standing by at the tap dancing studio ready just in case. Once that blaze is under control, people need dancing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you ever feeling insecure just throwing lit matches on the ground?

Do you talk to meteorologists? Do you? No, I feel that I've been shunned from the meteorology community. Yeah, I mean, at no point has anyone reached out to me. Oh, really? Yeah, I'd love to have a chat. In fact, we were talking, my producer and I, we were talking about doing a morning at the Bureau

and we've requested a number of times and we've not been granted permission. They have not allowed us in yet, but I would love to go in there. I might learn something. It'd be great. Because that's what I suspect. What I thought was maybe,

I reckon meteorologists look at you the way stand-ups look at YouTubers. I think you're the YouTuber of meteorologists. Probably, yeah. But they're really boring, a lot of them. Not all of them, but a lot of them are. You know, like they just talk about patterns. I mean, some of them are great, but most of them not.

Do you think they think they should be in your role or not? No, I think they actually want to talk about the weather. Right, right. What about the fact that you're there want to talk about the weather right what about what about the fact that you you're there to gussy up the weather so do you do you ever how do you feel about the fact that the weather needs to be gussied up well there's no one like you doing like the rest of the news is it no one like you doing the sports where it's like oh fucking 100 killed in beirut but anyway let's see what this little girl can play on the harmonica. Oh, yes. If every part of the news was that, yes.

Carl, you're literally right for the project. That's all it is. Yeah, not quite, not quite, though. Yeah, that's it. Someone milking a cow and then turning the camera and going, yeah, P.S., two planes hit the Twin Towers. Anyway, back to you in the studio. I think a big part of our role is to just break up the studio stuff.

You know, the studio is a lot of the doom and gloom, the serious news. They need to come to us and go, the world's not all bad. Let's, you know,

give the little girl in the harmonica a round of applause. Let's have some fun and, you know, maybe you'll get your weather, maybe you won't. Well, yeah,

you've got, I started reading the book last night after the launch and you've got, you've got, you've got all these different stories in there about the places you've seen and the people you've met and all these amazing things that you've done in your career as Weatherman. One thing that I noticed on kind of having a quick skim this morning

that has been omitted from this book is of all the amazing things you've done in your career, you've neglected to include the time that you pranked Graham Gilbert's radio quiz every night over a period of months. Is this open knowledge now? How quickly we forget where we've come from. How quickly people forget their roots. Yeah, that was probably more than a decade ago, and the book is The Last Five Years.

Let's explain very briefly what you're talking about. Yeah. Were you about to, Sam? I'm happy to. I was part of a group. I was not leading the group. A cult. Yeah, it was kind of a cult.

And there was a guy, I think he's still on there, Graeme Gilbert, radio announcer. And he would do a quiz, a nightly quiz. Because he was on late at night he didn't have a producer which meant that you could get through to be on the air

and that's obviously the green light and the way that it came about was a couple of my friends I won't name them because they did actually organise this

they were driving one night and he was doing the quiz and a couple of people guessed that the answer was India consecutively because they must not

have heard the previous caller and Graham got quite angry because he's like I've told you I told you do not hear the previous call the answer is not India and they're in the car and they're like oh we've got to call and just say India this is going to really rile him up so they got through because he's got no producer so they're on the air within seconds of that happening and they said India so he had two more callers after that and the guy almost had a meltdown like he literally, you could hear him he started to threaten that he was going to report them to the broadcasting authority

and then he'd get their numbers he could trace their numbers and he'd report them tracing your numbers just because you named a continent so what happened from there was it became a weekly tradition so the organiser would send out

a message on the Tuesday morning saying, guys, we're on tonight. 9.45pm, be ready. And it was national. We had people in every state who were like, what time is that WA time? Yep, I'm in. And it just became, look, it took over his quiz,

no matter what the question was, all of the callers. And the most fun was luring him in by saying, yes, enjoying the show tonight, Graeme. I agree with what you were saying about the Liberal Party earlier. So you really lure him in. He's like, well, thank you, Kevin. It's good to have a voice of reason on the show. And what do you think the answer is?

Who was the first pommel horse rider in India? And you just, like, the penny would drop and he'd be so disappointed, so deflated. There's so much of it still on YouTube because there are people that have done a great lure, but then there's people that have done a terrible lure which is almost as good because you've got people going yes graham and it's like a very clearly old man voice and then you can just hear graham go yes yes okay yeah say the word come on india bye-bye but you know how they say

like um that that you know jokes they say Like That you know Jokes Like you kind of Let them go after a while I disagree The longer it goes on The funnier it gets To us

Absolutely It's amazing We knew Because we knew about this Before we knew you I'm sure wasn't it Wasn't that the order I reckon yeah

We got really into it And then I Did you ever call Did you ever join in No Guys live a little Come on I think we got onto it after the fact.

You showed it to me, Carl. We got onto it, I think, long after you had started doing it. When I used to work at the AFL, it was a big hit in the AFL for about two weeks. Oh, was it? Yeah. I'm just loving it. It was a lot of us bringing each other.

I can't take the credit for it. I didn't organise it. I was a part of it, yeah, but it wasn't my idea. I mean, we would have theme nights as well. Just so you know, I don't think you can get done in court for this. There's a lot of denial. Graham is very threatening with his words and I'm a little on edge, to be honest. I feel like he could track my number down.

Yeah, the statute of limitations is up on it, surely. That's why I'm bringing it up now. You're a published author. I think you're safe. So to keep it interesting for ourselves, a couple of years in, we would have theme nights where you had to give a name of like a pop star. So just to hear him going, and Shakira's on the line. Right, right, right.

And then like one, I think at one point I had a drum kit, so I did a drum solo and went, India. That's fucking great. Anything to take it to another level. The guy with the megaphone is a personal favourite of ours. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy with the megaphone is a personal favourite of ours. The guy with the megaphone, but not only does he use the megaphone, he announces the megaphone first.

Yeah, so that was me. I never told you guys that. Yeah, that was me. I was the megaphone guy. So what's the answer? Megaphone, India. Because I think maybe I'd met you once very briefly. I certainly knew who you were from seeing you on TV and stuff.

And then I can't remember how it came up. I think I was maybe in Sydney and I was hanging out with you, Danny, and you were staying with Sam. Yeah, possibly. Sounds about right. And you mentioned offhandedly, you were like, you know he was part of the YouTube prank. And I got legitimately starstruck. I was like, I've got to meet this man.

He was part of the Wu-Tang of prank calls in Sydney. And the organiser, the original organiser, was talking about doing it very recently. Old dirty pranker. Yeah. Doing a 10th anniversary. But you know what? I had to opt out given what's happening in the country at the moment.

I just thought maybe it's not the time. I just feel that, you know, it's a bad time. You think you can be transmitted through phone? I just feel it's a bad time to be, you know, even though the joke is not about that country, it's just the word. Oh. So we've opted out.

So we do have some morals and some standards. But I think it's just... It's a funnier word than Sweden. You can't do that, can you? Yeah. It feels good to say it. Yeah. Hearing the origins of it too.

Hearing that in that first call he was threatening to call the broadcast authority, where the line that we love in one of the YouTube recordings is down the line, he's obviously a bit broken about it, he doesn't have the same gusto. He's threatening to just not do the quiz the next night, which is just like going to the authorities to just cancelling a trivia quiz. And we wouldn't have seen that as a victory,

because the victory for us is continuing the tradition. So if there's no quiz, there's no India. I remember my favourite one is where he's sort of broken by it. Hang on, is your favourite one where he says India? Mine too. It's a good one. That is very popular in the set. He's talking to a woman who's called up and he's going,

why are you doing this? Why would you say it? And she brilliantly doesn't break character. She goes, I thought it was the answer. So she was a housemate of one of the guys and she was so charming to him and so sweet and he would not

have suspected that she would be involved. And then you'd literally feel his heartbreak. It's so good. The first time you told me about about this which was about 2008 or something when we were hanging out on the gold coast but um and i remember saying to you i remember saying to you why didn't he just have a quiz where every answer was india to beat you yeah who is sachin tenduka the captain of what is new delhi the capital of yeah but Yeah, but he's got a real audience out there, not just eight people that he needs to play to. Are you sure?

It's Talkback Radio. Yeah, I don't know. Because those sort of audience members get very upset about that sort of thing as well because they'd be serious into their trivia. Yeah, but they don't call for the quiz and we do. So that's, you know, it's like if they were calling, I'm sure they'd be getting on having legitimate answers.

This was like you're making Freaks and Geeks where it's like the audience that it was on in front of at the time didn't really respect it or appreciate it and then it finds this whole new life with streaming and online. Like it's ahead of its time. Yeah, it's been very lucrative for us actually. It might surprise you. It eventually finds its audience.

I like hearing that it was, like, people in different cities across different time zones where... That's another one of my favourite line of Graeme's is that frequently he'll go, how many of you in the room tonight? It's very quiet that he assumes it's just three mates. No, he thinks it's, like... The conglomerate.

He thinks it's some sort of call centre, like, literally. Yeah, ironically ran by Australians. Yeah, yeah, yes. Oh, man. You can outsource it and they go, is the answer here? Wouldn't it be great if there's an Aussie version going on in India? On the Indian chat shows, they're going up, Australia. Didn't do the accent, you probably know this.

Yes, yes, I did, I did. Media professional. Someone wants to keep his job. Oh, man, I'm glad to get that out In the open Because everyone looking up Yeah so just capping that off None of that's in the book

Right Just to cap that off It's the only reason I paid for a copy I thought I'm going to get The inside story Of what Graham's really like What it's like to be hung up on

So can I ask about Perth So I know you guys Got stuck there And you're planning Sydney Hopefully that's all going ahead But what did you do To pass I ask about Perth? So I know you guys got stuck there and you're planning Sydney. Hopefully that's all going ahead. But what did you do to pass the time in Perth? Good question. What did we do?

There was a good day full of just sitting there and just looking out the window. For most of us, it's like, this is fine, this is fine. And then we just sat there and went, this is fucked. This is no good. You had a good crew. I was actually a bit envious. You know, hanging out with Heggie and Cody. Well, we weren't allowed to be in their hotel room, so were we? Oh, of course.

So did you record your Patreon episode over Zoom, even though you were 100 minutes away? Let's say we did. Sorry, sorry. Play on. Understood. How desperate Sam was to get off the previous topic. Tell us, what was it like when you were doing nothing last night? Tell us about sitting in a room alone. I'm regretting it because my stories are much more interesting.

As we just highlighted, I'm like, here's a free kick on your own podcast to be entertaining. We sat in a room. Yeah, actually we called up Perth Radio Station and pranked their quiz. That was how we killed time in the three-day lockdown. Yeah, yeah. What about this? Can I ask this? One more question about your job then,

and then we can get on to other more interesting things. Sorry. Well, no, you seem like you're not that, you know, you've talked about this. Yeah, that's true. You're fine with something else. What would you, I know that you're not a meteorologist. I know that you do that too.

You do your job to do other bits and pieces, a bit of colour, a bit of movement, and that's all great. What would you say is the three things you've legitimately learnt about the weather? Oh. I've learnt that... India. Yeah.

Going to be India for all three. That's my actual answer. Yeah, yeah's see no i've learned that farmers really care about it i kind of knew that but the passion that people have which does make me feel a little bit guilty and it makes me i guess apply myself a bit more when there is you know bushfires and things that will affect people on a larger scale but the challenge with the weather is it's so different you know from one place to 40 minutes away so you're never going to be able to give a precise weather in the time slot

I have for the entire country. You can only give a snapshot, rough, general, do I need a jacket, is it going to rain? Yes. Now when you say that

you've learned how much farmers care about it. Now how did you learn that? In terms of complaints or feedback? Define complaint. I've had a lot of

passionate conversations in pubs. Oh really? I love that. It's great. And most of them are like hey mate, enjoy your segments but you've got to go into more info and blah and they'll really get into it and it makes sense because it's part of their livelihood but that's also the it's just not what we do in my weather segments and they never have like there's not there's not enough room to go into the real detail and most of the farmers have

the the apps and the you know the info that they. My job is to read out a number between 12 and 42. If you want to be a really successful farmer, don't take your weather tips from Sam Mack. I'm not your guy. I've got half an hour to tend to the crops and everything before he's back with an update. Oh, fuck, I've missed it. Now he's the bubblegum chewing competition.

Fuck! Missed it by 30 seconds. Round of's The bubblegum chewing competition Fuck Missed it by 30 seconds Round of applause For bubblegum chewing everyone That's what you need to do Round of applause For Lucerne everyone Oh he's got the farmers back Great

This reminds me of when Was it Ben Lomas Was on I think One of the times That I was on He just kept shouting out comedy The whole time Is he still doing that

Is that still his thing Absolutely Yeah That's great you should start doing it weather yeah yeah yeah alright have we got

two others have we got anything else we've actually learned from between 10 years ago and now when you when you go out do you have anything

in your head where you're like I know what's gonna happen here like oh yeah you go out do you mean like am I ahead of the game like I know

oh absolutely not no and even meteorologists most of the meteorologists can't do that. Right. Yeah, that's the unpredictable nature of weather. Which is great for me because I'm not expected to know what patterns are going to happen. Sure. Science being like, look, because you know how animals can predict storms and stuff?

Like, is there any- Like ants. This sounds like a great weather cross. I like where you're going with this. Get a giraffe and see if it moves east or west or which prawn does the octopus eat? Oh, I like that. This is good.

Yeah, right. So no real? No, no real. I'm not going to impart any meteorological wisdom. You walk out and look at the sky and you go, oh, that means that's... Do you even know the difference? Where's east and where's west right now is it geography or weather where are your cardinal directions i realize this is a pop quiz like general knowledge well i know

i'm just wondering what if you've learned anything because like my parents like they're they're sort of like hobby farmers and they're always like east and west i'm like i don't know what the fuck this is that as well like well even americans who come to australia just like yeah you head northwest and it's right like right now because we're you know the the masturbatoriums right next That's a good at that as well. Even Americans who come to Australia are just like, yeah, you head northwest. Right. Like, right now, because the Maspitorium's right next to the MCG, I know we are on the members' end. So that's how you judge all of your geography as part of the MCG. That's your mecca.

I'm facing the members' end of the MCG. So when you're in Adelaide, are you still looking to the... I'm looking at the scoreboard end. Yeah. That's great. I can basically claim that this apartment is just a very long extension of the members section of the MCG. This is the long room. So short answer, no, I haven't learned much.

Okay. Oh, well, I've learned a lot about people, not much about weather. Yes, right, right. The book is about accidentally getting a job that you really didn't apply for or qualified for but it leads you to great stories characters

places that I've had over five years in the job and that's kind of what the book is that is now that must be

a lot of because you know you're in the morning you do your what five crosses in the morning seven or eight seven or eight right right right

there must be a lot of you're finishing with the people and then there's people that want to chew your ear after oh yeah a lot of that yeah that's a big part of the job you know because like if we go to somewhere like orange you might have 250 people there on the morning which is great that they're excited and they want to you know showcase orange they want to come over and get a selfie and all that kind of stuff but you do have to have some techniques to get out of that situation. Right. Because otherwise you would literally be there until 5 p.m. and you've got a flight at 10 a.m.

There we go. What's the technique? So we have one called an IFB conference. IFB? IFB is the thing that you wear in your ear. International Federation of Bureaus. It's a foldback thing that you wear so you can hear what's going on in the show. And when we're getting stuck

somewhere, my producer, the human emoji Sean Flynn, will come over and go, Sam, so sorry they're good to go for the IFB conference. Now, no one in that crowd knows what IFB I barely know what it means, but it sounds believable because he does it with such an energy. It's like, oh, this seems urgent and it's an acronym. It sounds important. He's got the old brand of applause

energy happening right there. So we'll do that or the other one he'll do is you've got a radio interview which sometimes i really do have a radio interview so that one it makes me go have i or is this right but i'm like i just walk away which is believable yes and then you have a code for what if you're actually enjoying the conversation do you then just go oh no that's never happened no yeah yeah that's actually in half an hour actually yeah you're doing that you're on adelaide time yeah yeah yeah yeah great okay but most of the time and that's you know a lot of the the great experiences have been from meeting randoms around the country that's part of i think why i've been doing the job five years and i'll probably still do it for another couple and it's such a long time to do like that one job which is

quite a demanding job but you don't know what the next day is and there's this seems like an endless supply of interesting characters right around australia when you go to these random spots there's someone you're like oh my god i can't believe this is a real person yeah let's get this person on tv and you do find those people that's what i guess keeps it interesting keeps me invigorated to to keep going with it because if it was just me standing there talking about weather it'd be pretty boring yeah yeah well in lockdown surely there must have been a fair bit of that well we had to do a lot on zoom so we did a lot of the things that we would normally do but just you know did it over zoom we did plug a palooza where we promoted 100 small businesses we um you know

we did australia a to z but virtually so we could go to really remote places. You know, we had a guy in Kakadu who had a crocodile in his backyard, stuff like that. So we just kind of adjusted. But it was, you know, that was really full on to be doing live TV every day, particularly with that energy that was around where everyone's like, the world's ending, to try and bring positive. I can't go outside, so who gives a fuck what the world's ending is? Exactly.

Because your role on the news is like the one, it's weird because the news is all stuff that's happened that day and then there's this one segment where it's like, now we're going to try and predict the future. There should be like one segment of the actual news where they have to do what you do and go, I'm just going to have a punt at what the headlines are tomorrow.

Or either that or you do a couple of weeks where you're just saying what the weather was yesterday. Like a retrospective weather. Yeah, yeah, you're reporting on the weather. Don't forget, 22 and sunny last Tuesday. Check it out, we've got footage. Do you guys remember, have you heard of this, when one time the wacky weatherman at Channel 10, Mike Larkin,

he's the... By the way, is that your job description, wacky weatherman? Oh, I don't describe it like that, but I mean, that's the kind of cliche, you know, old... Yeah, alright. I'm a hack. You're more of a mental meteorologist. Executive Wacky

Weatherman. So, Mike Larkin, the camera stuffed up or something. So, Mal Walden, who was the Channel 10 news writer, who was close to retirement and was losing a bit of the filter. He just said what he thought a lot of the time, and it was brilliant. And he had to do the weather report because the camera wasn't working, and literally he started heckling it, just going,

all right, well, I guess I'm doing this. Okay, here was today's weather. I always thought it was weird they showed today's weather. You were there. You experienced it. Anyway, we thought it was weird they showed today's weather. You were there. You experienced it. Anyway, let's get on. Here's what the wind was doing. And finally we get to the bit that's interesting.

Here's tomorrow. Oh, right. I hope it's on YouTube, but I remember watching that. Brilliant. This is what happened to us. Sorry to drag the attention away from you, Sam, for one second, if you don't mind. Just make it an interesting story.

You love to say that. Oh, my God. This is where I get it all out of my system. I know it's a safe space. It's been a masquerade. Yes. It's a safe, sticky space here. Do you need a tea tap?

Not that one. Absolutely not. We were hacked on Twitter a couple of weeks ago, or a month or two ago, not. We were hacked on Twitter a couple of weeks ago, or a month or two ago, actually. We were hacked. Now, we were hacked by someone who was pretty big into Bitcoin. Okay. So we woke up.

Let me just quickly say, we're not really taking the attention away from Sam with this one because there's a whole chapter in your book. And it's called hacked. Yeah, it's called hacked. Sam hack. Yeah, that's exactly right. So when they hacked your account,

just the little dum-dum Twitter, was it? Or was it all Twitter? It was all Bitcoin. Yes, it was someone very keen to get rid of some Bitcoin. So all of a sudden I woke up and I was getting a lot of messages going, have you been hacked or is this a thing of yours? Is this like a gag or something?

I'm like, yeah, my gag is, can you give us money? There were a lot of people who were like, yeah, I'm a couple of episodes behind, so I guess I'm just missing something for the latest one. You can't go to Thailand, so you're into Bitcoin now. Is that what that means? Was the infuriating thing that it was getting more engagement than your normal posts on Twitter?

Because that's what I found during the hacking. So when I was hacked, to bring it back to me and my book, when I was hacked, they started posting ISIS flags. Oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah. And with no context. So I had people, like friends, messaging me going, mate, what's going on with your Twitter?

Like, is everything okay? And then one of my friends was like, this is amazing. You've gone full Kanye. Keep going. No, it's not me. It's not me. This was the day I started following you. I remember this.

It's so weird. Before this, you were an Al Jazeera man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, Al Qaeda. Fuck! Al Jazeera man No Al Qaeda Fuck He fucked it We'll fix it in post Oh my goodness

The weatherman for Al Qaeda Jamar Islamia Keep it local Come on So how did you guys Regain the power Oh okay So we'll get to compare it

With you maybe Yeah So I Then went Okay what do you do all the all the standard sort of things is you click in your password couldn't get in there the person changed the password changed the phone number um so then you complain to twitter twitter don't do too much but they're like oh no worries just give us the uh email that you had attached to it i'm like that was 10 years ago i have no fucking idea what email and so as soon as you

start saying things like that they go not for us thanks yeah and meanwhile this account is just it's posting but it's also like retweeting all like i logged onto mine because you know follow our account so it's like my feed is just thanks for the support by retweet after retweet after and so you're looking at it going even if we get this back in the next couple of hours we must just be shedding followers at the moment with people going like, fuck this, fuck this. Either that or we've made a lot of our followers a lot of money. Maybe.

If a listener bought us out with the money that they made from Bitcoin. But at least yours was like, okay, Bitcoin, it's not ideal and it's not really your regular shtick, but it wasn't an ISIS flag and just random fuck you tweets that were going out from... And people were writing back, fuck you! Like, so I was having imaginary arguments that I wasn't even a part of.

That's great. People going, finally an excuse to tee off on Matt. He started it. If anything, really, we should have swapped ours around. Ours is way more applicable to... On brand.

Yeah. Absolutely. It's in with your core values. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So a lot of complaining to Twitter. Twitter not doing too much about it. They keep going on and on. They keep, you know, putting out Bitcoin stuff.

The thing I never knew about, I don't know much about Bitcoin, but they sure love a bit of stuff where they post pictures of themselves with fucking glowing eyeballs. Oh, right. Is that a thing? Never heard of that sort of thing. I think anyone that is into Bitcoin Never heard of that for a thing. I think anyone that is into Bitcoin,

they must think they're enlightened. All of a sudden, they're like fucking super villains or something. They've all got these glowing fucking fire coming out of their eyeballs.

So like Superman's laser eyes sort of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they were posting photos from your account as well? No, no, no. Oh, when you click on there. Stock image kind of stuff.

Yeah, yeah. They're attracting other people that are all in a club. You go to Getty Images, glowing eyeballs. Yeah. How long were other people. You go to Getty Images, glowing eyeballs. How long were you guys, did you have no control over the account?

That's possibly a month. A month? Yeah, because nothing would happen. Have you got it back? Well, don't rush it. Keep complaining. Just get the story

fucking going, mate. Sorry if there isn't fucking some reference to Robert Redford in there or fucking Car City or something from 20 to 30 years ago. If you can milk those two in, that would be great. Keep your eyes open for a bargain. Bitcoin. Now I imagine Robert Redford singing that.

That was beautiful. That was the sting three. That was from The Way We Were. So was beautiful. That was the sting three. Yeah, that was from the way we were. So that's been going on for a month. It's had various times where I've complained to Twitter and they've gone, oh, I'm really sorry because they shut down. There was too much spamming of Bitcoin. So that raises the alarm.

They go, okay, we'll shut that down. And then I complain and go, that's our account. They go, oh, I'm really sorry about that. We've fixed everything. We've reopened the account. And you're all good to put up your Bitcoin stuff again. I'm like, no, no, no, that's not the problem. That wasn't the problem.

So are you saying that Twitter's in on this Bitcoin thing? Oh, mate. Is that the suggestion? Yeah. Bitcoin. Yeah. So there's a lot of that sort of thing happening. So all of a sudden I was like, what do I do?

What can I do? So then a listener, a listener hit me up called Nick on Twitter from London, and he said, I didn't know this. We have a listener that works at Twitter. I'm like, fuck yeah, this is all right. So over the last couple of days, I've been going back and forth with him, and we have to supply sort of a heap of information. But have you verified him?

Like, have you looked deep in this Nick character? Not at all. Nick, I'm going to say, reeks of Bitcoin. I'm immediately thinking, when he emails you, is there a blue tick after his name? In London, a lot of finance activity over there.

Remember Nick Leeson, the big scam artist? Anyway, whatever. I thought you would have known this from 30 years ago. But yeah. Is he with Al Capone? Yeah.

So he was like, I'm not in charge of it all, but I can help. I can put in little reports and whatever. Man on the inside. Exactly. What I need. He's like, I'm not sure if I can do it, but I'll try my best. So then he's doing that.

And I'm like, great. He's putting me in touch with the right people. All of a sudden, the right people are coming back to me going, I'm really sorry about the inconvenience. And so I'm putting forward returns. And they're going, great. But the problem is, I don't know why this was happening, but they kept giving me the wrong accounts.

So what accounts were they giving you? They're giving me other like fake dum-dum accounts. But then... I thought you were suddenly in charge of Donald J. Trump. No, no, no. Well, I wish. That would have been awesome. It's not there anymore. I would pay

a lot of bitcoin for you to be in charge of Trump's account for an hour the amount of abuse would be about the same yeah g'day dickheads

yeah yeah no people are saying spin's the best comedy room around yeah yeah so then I'm getting that then I've ended up

with just some Japanese man's account wow that I've got where I'm like so I've've ended up with just some Japanese man's account wow that I've got where I'm like so I've still got all of these now what

yeah they've just given me all these extra accounts and I'm going back to them going again this is the wrong account so if you can give me

the actual right account and then at that stage they just give up so you still currently you don't have control over no no no

so that's it's just happened as of yesterday at the time of recording. We've got it back, got the keys back. Oh, we're back. But I do have a bunch of other accounts

if anyone wants them as well. What can we use these for? Sam, you're an ideas man. They're not very valuable accounts. They're just like honestly like the last one. It doesn't matter.

We just start with a simple one word tweet, India. Yeah, right. Just to get things moving. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dumb Dumb India. That's the. Dumb Dumb India. That's the new

Dumb Dumb account. A bunch of sleeper agents and that's the code word that wakes them up. Surely you just turn them all into mega Dumb Dumb fans like they're just constantly tweeting

how great the new episodes are. Yeah but I'm getting just like they've only got 15 followers and all this. That's where it starts. Yeah you've got to build from somewhere.

Get a Twitter farm of just This podcast started With just 15 listeners And now You look at your empire Yeah So how many accounts

Do you reckon They gave you Before they got the right one Yeah Okay Yeah so It's just other people's accounts So they were just tweeting

About like Just whatever Just mundane everyday stuff Maybe that's how You got hacked In the first place. This Nick guy was helping someone else who'd been hacked. He's like, yeah, yeah, I'll help you.

Here's your login details. And it was your account, the Dum Dum Club account. He tweets about Thailand every day. It seems like it's an inactive bot anyway. And Nick hates his job. And he's just like, I'm going to have some fun. I'm going to have fun here today. Yeah, he was looking for, oh, fuck, yeah.

Man, maybe that's it. But it is back now. But thank you very much to Nick in London. I did promise you a few beers. Next time I see you in London, he said, well, he actually said this, you can buy me a beer next time you've got a show in London. Actually, make that two because the first time, the first DM you sent me about this last week when you were asking for me to help you

popped up on my phone mid-wank and it really ruined it for me. Great insight to your listenership there. And the Twitter offices. He was presumably wanking over something that he was looking at on the phone and must have notifications turned on for Twitter. Maybe he's resulted of Bitcoin.

Maybe they've gone through the roof. Yeah, I want to know more about it. Like, wanking over the phone screen is like, I don't know. He's on brand for the masturbatorium. Yeah, yeah. Only new techniques. This one? You guys should have the tea towels as merchandise.

You guys consider that? Like in one of those sealed bags that you can send out overseas. Yeah, you can't fold fold them but the pattern's beautiful I can imagine Nick getting one of those in London oh thanks crunchy tea towels

oh my cat's name's Crunchy so good yeah right on brand good integration yeah so yeah

we're back in business anyone if you unfollowed us how many did you lose do you reckon I think we lost a couple hundred for sure.

Is that all of them? No, come on, mate. We're not your podcast. We're massive. We dream of a couple hundred. But yeah, should we do anything? Should we try and build these three other ones up? I think if you just kept tweeting as these people,

you don't change it into anything and just see if you can make them... I would rather find the poor Japanese man's account that I had yesterday and give it back to him. I'd like to give the keys back. You're a head of international relations for Dum Dum Club. That's beautiful. Do you want to read out the handles and just be like, this could be like a missed connection.

If you know this person, let them know we've got your account. If we can track this guy down. Next time, once the borders open, you go back to Japan, maybe you can go door to door. Yes. I can go find this guy. That would be great. You can sift through his account and try and find any kind of information

about him, about where he lives. Yes. He's got really glowy eyes, I believe. It's just me with a password written down on a cue card. Here you go, sir. Just in the Japanese version of Miss Connections, I had your Twitter account in Australia. You had glowy eyes.

I didn't. Let's meet up. Hi, I'm Tommy Arigato. Yeah, it's like, you see it's like a film and he's living in this remote mountain town and it's like me all rubbed up and I find him there and it's like him speaking in Japanese and then you see the subtitles underneath.

I recognise you from Walk Boys Forever. Yes. Japan's number one English language program. Just to see the door creaking open and him going, Aha, at Dasolo. And to see the door creaking open and him going, aha, at Dassolo. I knew you'd come. At Dassolo Kun. The fake Italian-Japanese.

Well, look, we've got a few minutes before we've got to wrap this up, unless you had anything else you wanted to do. Now, look, I thought this might be a controversial decision, but I debuted a little game show on the program a little while ago, and it was met with, I don't know, pretty mixed response. I would say mixed indifference and hatred. Yes. But I thought if I'm ever going to do it again,

maybe this can be the last time that we do it. If anyone's going to dig this game. Oh, so this is the season finale. Yeah, basically. I hate the grand final. Grand final, yes. Oh, so this is the season finale. Yeah, basically. I hate the grand final. Grand final, yes. Over two nights. Let's milk it. It's event television.

Event podcasting. So this is a game that I came up with, and it's called What's the Weather? Now, I'll get to why I thought it would be appropriate for you in a minute. And you'll explain it in a minute as to what happens in the game, as if you can't figure it out right now. So using the iPhone weather app, I give you a location. Yeah.

Everyone, we go around the table, we guess a number of what degree Celsius we think it is there right now. Love it. And the closest wins. Yep. What do they win? Two-tail. And the idea was that it's a location that maybe a little anecdote could come off the

back of. So let's kick off with Hong Kong. Currently in Hong Kong, I'll give you the time. It is 9am. I like, Sam, you just gestured towards me like, you like Asian things? Yeah, that's exactly what I meant. Thanks for reading between the lines, Carl. Hong Kong.

I've never been. No, I am Hong Kong. Have you not? That's awesome. No, I'd like to go. I will say... I will say... You know what?

I'm going to go 20 degrees. Okay? 20 degrees. I've been to Hong Kong a fair few times. I have a cousin that lives there. Oh, unfair advantage. I know. I know. to Hong Kong a fair few times. I have a cousin that lives there. Oh, unfair advantage. I know. I know.

Do we have phone a friend in this? Yeah. Well, he's a bit of a... What are you wearing? Don't tell us the number. What are you wearing? The anecdote comes after the answer. So let's get there.

Let's get there. All right. Yeah, it's very humid there, but it is northern hemisphere, so it's getting warm now. I think it's a bit higher. I'm going to go 9am, 24. 24? I have been there. Loved it.

World's most vertical city, I believe. Really? Bit of trivia. Sorry, anecdote's supposed to be after the anecdote. It's not that good. Less of an anecdote, more of a fact. There's a lot of apartment buildings, more so than any other city in the one concentrated space.

Less of an anecdote, more of a fact. There's a lot of apartment buildings, more so than any other city in the one concentrated space. I will say, I'm going to strategically go between the two of you. Good idea. And I'm going to go 22. 22. Currently, in Hong Kong, the temperature is India. No, it's not. It's 27 degrees.

McGill Lane was closest At 9am At 9am 9am Oh baby This is a great segment I can't believe you doubted it We can't travel overseas

So at least Let your imagination run See my mistake was trying it With Glenn Robbins and Sam Pang Sam Pang just too negative about it Someone more positive like Sam Mack He's into it Yeah I agree

No literally every week On Have You Been Paying Attention Sam Pang will just berate Whatever game Tom Kleiser has come up with Don't feel bad man I've got more faith in the concept but McGinley Hong Kong Was your choice I have a cousin who lives in Hong Kong He was a police officer in Scotland

And then he's a much older cousin And when Hong Kong was still British territory he went over there for a year and has never left and he's actually

slightly famous over there for 15 years he was the host of Hong Kong's Most Wanted really? yeah

he was doing a little three minute he was slightly famous he had a gig on TV for 15 years yeah but it's only a three minute show not a lot of crime in Hong Kong mostly chewing He was slightly famous. He had a gig on TV for 15 years. Yeah, but it's only a three-minute show. Oh, okay.

Not a lot of crime in Hong Kong. Mostly chewing gum on pavement-related incidents. We really got to pat it out this week. We went through them all in 30 seconds. This is a funny thing. So one time I was over there visiting him and we were having a beer and there was another friend of a friend. We're visiting him and we were having a beer and there was another friend of a friend.

So it was a bunch of expats, British migrants in Hong Kong. And there was a friend of another friend. And my cousin got recognised. These two men went up and we went, oh my God, you're Hong Kong's most wanted. Can we get a photo? And he's all like, why is he getting a photo? What's that?

And we explained he's the host of Hong Kong's most wanted. And the guy goes, oh, that's easy. I could host that. What do you mean? He goes, just think. Everything is, the suspect is five foot five. Oh, no, no, no, no. Next crime, five point five.

Then we're in an Irish pub in Hong Kong. We're all drinking. And a guy comes into the room and he's approaching all of the groups. And he's just doing very, cocaine, heroin, hashish, cocaine, heroin, hashish, cocaine. And he comes over to us, cocaine, and we all just stare at my cousin going, ah. You've got to do something. And he's like, I don't want to do it, but I've got to do something. Because he worked for the Vice squad at that stage.

Oh, really? So he had to call his mate. Did he? And he's gone, yeah, you've got to come down because he worked for the vice squad at that stage so he had to like call his mate and he's gone yeah you've got to come down to the Irish pub there's a drug dealer here and then he's like looked and we're all staring at him going he's doing cop things and then he stared at the racist guy and gone

suspect is 5 foot 5 and then yeah he got arrested For being the most Unlucky drug dealer In all of Hong Kong But never caught I would have thought No no

The guys came down And busted him Oh really Yeah Wow There we go This has absolutely Renewed my faith

In what's the weather That one round Has really given me A lot more confidence Alright we're back We're back Alright I think that is

All the time we have For this week On the Little Dumb Dumb Club Sam Mack Danny McGinley Thank you very much for joining us. Thank you, guys. Absolute pleasure. I loved it. Sam Mack, accidental weatherman out in all good bookstores and some pretty shit-ass ones

as well right now. What about the airport? Are you in airports? That's where- Definitely. That was my first question because they go, we can tell you everywhere that's stocking the book and they obviously have to order it. My first question was, is it at airports?

Because obviously I spend a lot of time in airports. That, to me, is like a big milestone. I want to see it at an airport. That's when I know that it's made it. Who cares about Angus and Roberts? I mean, I do. They're great retailers. One of the few bricks and mortar bookstores there.

Yeah. They've had it too good for too long. Sam Maggis, anti-bookstores. You want to be up there with the great publications like Take Five. So they didn't have it in there and I investigated this.

I said I was at the airport, it's not there after it had been released and it turns out they're not ordering many books because people aren't taking

many flights, there aren't many people at the airports. But I received a message yesterday because they knew I really cared about it and they said

they just ordered a few hundred copies for all of the news links around the airports of Australia. We made it. Lovely, lovely. Look for Sam Mac's Instagram for every time he sees one taking a photo with it

and offering to sign it for people. Yeah, I started reading it last night. It's great. It's very funny. It's very, lots of different stories in there. Very heartwarming stuff too. And thanks for coming along Last night as well No it was great

Thank you for having me And what's the temperature Going to be tomorrow? Tomorrow for Melbourne? Yep Not bad 21 Yeah I made that up

Because I don't know When people are listening to this But if you say it with conviction It's like Les Murray When he used to pronounce Like the ethnic surname Just roll a few R's And they'll believe you

Yeah yeah yeah Roberto Baggio I thought it was Roberto Baggio. Danny Olsop. Danny, you've got your podcast, They Came to Play. Yes, with Limo, and we're getting special guests this year because

our third co-host, Tess Armstrong, is on maternity leave, so we're getting a lot of cool people in. Friends of the show like Dave Thornton, Brogan Kelly, and proper footy people like Nick Del Santo. And this week we've got Beck Goddard, Premiership Coach. Cool. I also do a new podcast, which is just about the Western Bulldogs,

that I do with Tom Boyd. But that's great insights into actual day-to-day, what players go through, which is really not fun. Okay. So check that out. It's a funny podcast, but their day-to-day life is... I thought that was your review of your own podcast. It's really not fun. I day-to-day life is so hell. I thought that was your review of your own podcast.

It's really not fun. I'm overcommitted. I'm doing so many podcasts. Guys, refollow at dumdumclub on Twitter. It's a fantastic account. Unless you're into Bitcoin

in which unfollow us and follow the new account that I've got from some Japanese bloke. If you're listening in Japan and you've got a mate who's been whinging about his Twitter account being taken off him,

then get in touch. Let us know. We've got to track this guy down when the borders reopen. Guys, thanks for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. And they've done it again. Cloudy with a chance of them doing it again. Yeah.

Bernie's kicked a thermometer up into the sky and it said 31 degrees hot great temperature not too bad um like we said at the top of the show sydney get into it uh this weekend if you if it's hot off the presses uh the actual date is what's the date it's saturday may the 16th 16th45 Live podcast You just come to see the live podcast Great guests And Saturday night What could be better Yeah

Getting on the fucking cans with us Get on the laughing gas Yep And then the next day Wake up Dust yourself off And come and see our solo shows Have a

Go out and have a bloody Mary with breakfast Yeah Get back on the horse First time in years we've been up there Last time for quite a while Until we go up there again, of course. Sydney, really need you guys to represent. We're judging you on this. And, you know, we're selling okay.

But it's, you know, you know Perth. Could become the new Adelaide. You know Brisbane. Well, you know Perth. Well, let's see if we actually do the show before we make that call. Well, I'm not judging it on that. I'm judging it on tickets sold. On the numbers in the lead up.

Yes, yes, yes. You know Perth. You know... Look, there's a case to be made at the moment. Sydney's no Adelaide. Yeah, exactly. There's a case to be made. Don't become the new Adelaide.

Don't... Well, look, there's a case to be made. It'd be nice if you were Adelaide at the moment. Yes, exactly. That's how bad things are going. Exactly. Well, not bad there's a case to be made. It'd be nice if you were Adelaide at the moment. Yes, exactly. That's how bad things are going. Well, not bad. It's fine. But in comparison, Sydney's fucking huge.

It should be selling like Sydney, not selling like Perth or Adelaide. Yeah. Anyway, so get onto it. We'd love that. We've got plenty of great memories of great shows in Sydney, but I just think Sydney can be a little bit up and down. Don't you think? We've done shows in Sydney where you go, this is great,

great numbers, and then you do shows in Sydney where you go, okay, is this what Sydney brought to the table? I feel like the last two were great when we were at the Giant Dwarf. We were in a big theatre. We had fun shows. Those two were great. And then when we were in that building before it got demolished. Sydney Opera House.

Yeah. Vale. Another victim of the lockdowns. The Opera House went out of business. Cancelled. Yeah, no. There was one that stuck in my memory. Crawl?

Yeah. Remember that time when we did that small room and we were like, oh, it's probably a bit small for us and then we didn't fill it? I was like, what the fuck is this? Yeah, rings a bell. The one where we had Chaz and we had Dools and we had Badgerin. Remember that one? Oh, yeah.

The cafe lounge. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was fucking really, that was like, Sydney, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah. That was like eight years ago or something. Maybe.

I think. Yeah. But, you know, something like that happens to you. You never forget. Yeah. That's it. You never forget. I forgot the opera yeah. But, you know, something like that happens to you. You remember it. You never forget. Yeah, that's it. You never forget. I forgot the opera house until then, you know.

Yeah. Concentrating on the times I was slighted. Look to the future and think about all the times you will be slighted. Yeah. Well, this could be a sliding coming up.

A slighting doors moment. But, yeah, we are, look, of course, we are putting this on sale. It's all happened pretty last minute. So yeah, we really need you guys to get mobilized, get on it, get your tickets and come out. Apologies that there's not more notice, but that's just the way the YouTuber crumbles. Yeah.

Very nice. Very nice. Yeah. So Saturday night, Sydney. Fucking fun times. Yeah. Well, I want to have fun there. Make me have fun.

I'm looking forward to being up in the harbour city. In Australia's capital. In the capital of Australia. Australia's capital. Yep. Looking further ahead, to borrow a phrase from weatherman Sam Mack, looking ahead. In August, we have a chance of doing our 500th episode live at the Atheneum Theatre. Not a chance. Be positive. Be positive

with this one. Saturday, I was just again using some of his lingo. Saturday, August the 14th, the Atheneum Theatre. A few tickets left. Venues are back at full capacity in Melbourne. Get on it. Theatres are back at full capacity, I should say. Get on it. Book your tickets now. There's only a

few of them left. We are finally going to be pulling off our big 500th episode spectacular after close to 18 months of trying to get it going. After 560 episodes, can't wait to do our 500th for sure. Yes, it's going to be great. It's going to feel great to finally do that show, and it is fast approaching. So get on to booking a ticket for that. And Perth.

Speaking of Perth, our rescheduled gig, we have a new date for it. It is Saturday afternoon, October the 9th. October the 9th. Yes, Saturday, October the 9th. Same time and everything as what it was. Same venue as what it was. Same venue as what it was. So, yeah, get on to that. You should have gotten an email already from the ticketing agency.

Yeah, but those people, of course, that couldn't make it because of some sort of double booking or whatever, you now have a fresh chance to get there. That's your new date. Yeah, that's it. And, of course, don't forget to tell us if that date doesn't suit either. Oh, please, please. I feel like I wouldn't be doing my job if I wasn't listening to something I didn't give a fuck about.

Yeah. Please let us know that. If you have a ticket for a show in a city and a positive case of COVID is found in the community, please feel free to tag us in news articles about it and to post it in our group. Because of course, we are not paying attention to any of that stuff. Why would we, after booking flights and accommodation, why would we be keeping abreast of the situation up there? And also, bad news is always welcome.

Yes. So, yeah, there's only one thing better than bad news and that is the bad news sent to us over and over. So let us know about that. And also don't forget to sort of insinuate that it's somehow our fault that COVID has re-emerged in your community by us booking the show.

Yeah. All of this more than welcome. Yeah. Just one of... Steal our Twitter account as well. Come around here and fuck me in the ass. Please. Finally, a stroke of luck.

Something good in this day. Something to distract from the bad news that I'm seeing on social media yep that's all the news that's all the live stuff

there'll be more stuff coming soon but yeah absolutely get onto all of that stuff littledumbdumbclub.com is where you can find all those ticket links

and such the people also just I like a bit of people going well why are you fucking doing live shows you know in a pandemic it's like well because we're still trying to do our job why are you going to work in a pandemic where you could potentially yeah you know catch something why

are you going to the supermarket why are you not killing yourself yeah i mean i will say i i do have subscribed to the mentality of you've got to do something. You can't just sit around all year and wait. But then funneling money down the toilet to sit in a hotel in Perth, I was like, well, you also can't do this. So I don't really know. I don't know what the right answer is, honestly. Sure.

I think we were pretty unlucky there. But anyway. I agree. That's what it was. That's just part of life. We've had lots of strokes of fortune. Now, finally, something's gone against the little dum-dum club. That's it.

Finally, something not going our way. Anyway, looking forward to them. Did a bunch of very fun live shows in Melbourne. The positive thing was all the Melbourne shows were unaffected, and they were great. What a bunch of great episodes they shows in Melbourne. The positive thing was all the Melbourne shows were unaffected and they were great. Yep. What a bunch of great episodes they were. So more to come.

Our Hotel Room Perth episode was unaffected, so that was good. That was good. That was always, secretly, that was always the plan. Yeah. Yeah. What else? What else we got to talk about? Anything, any other bits and news, bits and pieces?

We're on the verge of announcing a new date somewhere else as well while we're being a bit down about weird things in the state we're on the verge of announcing another thing but we'll see how we go I mean of course we are doing this Talking Dumb Dumb a little bit more in advance than we normally would so the news could have changed by the time it's going out well that's it, we are doing it a little bit in advance. Usually we will record this just before the whole episode comes out.

We're doing it a bit in advance because I'm about to go on, I guess, my first holiday. I was going to count Perth as a holiday. I'm now no longer counting Perth as a holiday, even though I was there for four or five days, whatever it was. Well, you sat around doing a lot of fuck-alls. That's kind of the point of a holiday. I guess so.

I feel like I shouldn't be stressed and checking websites every two seconds on a holiday and not going outside so I'm going to strike that

from the holiday record yep but I am going on a family holiday National Lampoon's Chandler vacation yes so we're

packing up the station wagon and driving to the Gold Coast yep so I'll be up there hiding away in a hotel. If you want to throw stones at me at the window, I'll be waving at you guys out on the strand or whatever you would call that up there. Yep.

So we're doing this a little bit in advance. You'd be out on the balcony with your tits out, sculling a vodka cruiser and then plummeting to your death. Yes. Throwing rosemary beads down to people below

so yeah that'll be fun so hopefully that'll be that'll be basically me flying straight from there to Sydney so it's going to be one

suntanned Chandler maybe oh yes coming in yep to the Sydney show fresh got the meter maid outfit on. Yep.

Straight onto the stage. From a week of hanging out with Warra Capper. Yep. And being, I don't know, what else they do up there? I don't really know what they do. Yeah. Just hanging out with fucking absolute, some of the biggest dregs of society, I assume. Yeah.

Just, maybe I'll just hit the outdoor gym. What part of Gold Coast are you staying on or would you prefer not to say I don't really know how it all works to be honest I really this is a

this is a place I haven't booked this is usually I take pride in you know having a good sort of look around and

my wife as I've probably said before is no don't fucking spend 17 hours looking at like, you know, what's the best value for money between this four and this four and a half star or whatever, fucking making all the pros and cons.

I'm doing the first place I've looked at that looks good. Well, yeah, your wife likes the finer things in life, except in one specific area. That's right. Everything else. That's right. Perhaps to make up for that yeah it's got to be 24 carats maybe maybe so um yeah she's pretty hell-bent on that

so i'm like fair enough fair enough so um yeah it's gonna be nice yeah um what's gonna be interesting is everyone in one room together uh including child and the child on the plane it's gonna be very interesting what's your strategy strategy is we're leaving roundabout at about nap time on the plane and my strategy so far has been talking about planes to my

child this week I don't think she's grasped it so it's going to be interesting because I'm just pointing at planes going we're going to be on one of them and she's like, all right. Dad's autistic. So I don't think once we're in the, you know, it's that thing once you're on the inside of a plane.

Yes. It's a lot different from looking at a plane in the sky. Right. Confusing for a child. Yeah. You should look this up. This is something that my girlfriend's sister did with their two-year-old on a flight to Perth recently.

I forget what it is. It's something like the – it's like your kid's brain is like resetting every 15 minutes. So you get on with a list of however many 15-minute segments there are on that flight. So she went in armed with like here's eight different things. Just eight different fun things. Just different, yeah.

And I'm ready to change them up every time because that's why kids kick off, right? Just because they're bored. So it's like, but their brains, like they move on very quickly. So if you get on the plane armed with like whatever it is, eight of those things and you're ready to like change them over. So what's one for an example? Well, she had these ready to go and then she got lucky because their kid slept for the entire flight to perth so i didn't get to get into the weeds but if you google it i'm sure you can find examples of like i don't know maybe like a i don't know a coloring book is one yeah and then like uh you know the ipad for a little

bit or the you know you read to them for one you know, just like, so you go on armed with like a series of little activities and you're ready to go. Great. I just typed how to distract and the first thing that came up was how to distract yourself from bad thoughts, which I'm like. Same thing. Not too far away. You just completely misheard what I said.

Yeah, yeah. It didn't really work. I got on with like eight things for me to do on the flight and the kids still went crazy. Yeah. See, yeah. It didn't really work. I got on with like eight things for me to do on the flight and the kids still went crazy. Yeah. See, this is all fine. Like 10 ways to distract your kid on a flight without whipping out a single tablet. Is that like a sleeping tablet or is that like a TV?

No, that's for parents that are like vehemently anti-screen. Right. We don't let our child have any screen time. Yeah, it's interesting. We're not like that, but yeah, I don't know. Whatever. Yeah, whatever. Everyone, I feel like every parent who has that grand aim,

you cave eventually. Your kid's going psycho and you realise that by putting on Bluey, they're just going to be hypnotised by the screen. Or, I think as common, getting someone else to babysit and them going, well, I'm not fucking dealing with this. If you want to have no screens and deal with the fallout, you can do that. But me, I'm putting on PlaySchool. Yeah.

All right. One, surprise your kids with a new toy. That's not bad. Yeah, but fuck, she's got enough toys. Fucking hell. It's just ridiculous. Two, bring school supplies. Yeah, look, pencils and paper on a plane.

Sure. Download music and audio books. Oh, my two-year-old loves a good audio book. The art of the deal. Yeah. You know what? You know what I should do? I might bring a pair of fucking headphones

because she doesn't really, she's never really used headphones before. She might be amused by that for a little bit. Yep, yep. Try a magnetic game. Not sure about what that is actually. Yeah, I think I'd never really heard of that exact strategy before of like you go in with a list, you break it down by 15 minutes

and you've got all this stuff just ready to go. Right. So at the moment that you detect a bit of arcing up, you just switch over. You switch activities. Five, read a book. Okay. Six, make friends with the cabin crew. I think you're just looking for a free babysitter mid-flight, I think.

It's a pretty selfish person who's put this list together. Yeah. One of those people who's like, no, my child is beautiful and everyone wants to have something to do with them. And also, it just feels like someone's on the plane making this list as they're flying. All of a sudden, by number five, they're like, I think I'm out. And they're just looking around. Palm it off to the woman with the bring around the cokes. Look at the ground.

Yeah. Crack a window. Crack a window. Seven, play card games. Eight, give your kids a camera. Again, this is desperate times. I'll be interested to know, are planes still doing the little activity pack for the kid?

I remember getting on a flight. I would imagine not. It was a real treat getting a little Ziploc pencil case thing with some cheap little pencils and a little colouring book. I like this. We're getting towards the end. Nine, pack plenty of food and snacks. So you're palming them off to the air hostess or whatever, the stewards,

and what, you're still not even buying anything off them, just wasting their fucking time. You brought your own. But these are also, these aren't very helpful because they're like things that you could just think of yourself. Well, absolutely. Like this reminder, don't forget to feed your kid. Well, here comes number 10.

Yep. Have a conversation with your kid. Well, here comes number 10. Yep. Have a conversation with your kid. This is the most depressing list. Oh, look, that came last. If nothing else works, I guess talk to your kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yuck.

But also like have a conversation is a funny way of phrasing it. Yeah. Like just you turning to blanket and going, so what else is news? Yeah. What have you been up to lately? What do you think you'll get out of the next year how's your aims what are you planning to do on this holiday on the gold coast you've been seeing anyone yeah well let me know how that goes yeah um and i look forward to this going up uh long after the flight and uh people weighing in with their suggestions well i guess you got the flight on the way back so that might be helpful but who knows well maybe i mean if i after the flight and people weighing in with their suggestions. Well, I guess you got the flight on the way back, so that might be helpful.

Well, maybe. I mean, if I change my flight and go straight to Sydney and don't say a name, just has to cop that. Yeah. That'll be interesting. Oh, wow. I just went to another website, flyingwithababy.com. It's its own website.

Wow. Yeah. Make a puppet out of the sick bag you've got to do that you've got to do that and send us a pic yeah

get yeah get a little take a texter on and draw a little puppet you know what she likes at the moment is

I do a little thing where whatever it is whether it's a food or it's a pen or it's a pen or it's a whatever i get it and then i pretend i'm eating it do the old you know turn to the side oh yeah profile classic you put the pen down your mouth like you like you're eating it you're not you're

just putting it down the side of your neck you're acting it out to me like you think you can fool me well yes i can i know i'm just seeing what you think because it kills with blanket i don't know i've been around the block a few times okay so do that holy fuck he's eating i told you that's why i tried to explain to you so you didn't freak out so do that yum yum yum yum and then i just do that then i pretend i'm feeling a bit ill oh yeah i go down and go oh i puff the cheeks out and all of a sudden she gets she knows what's happening she's like she's starting to giggle she's starting to scream and i go and then i throw the pen in the air yeah like I've projectile vomited the thing. So now she loves that so much.

But it's like comedy. You can go to comedy so many times and you can enjoy it before you start to go, well, I reckon I could do that. So now she does that back to me. Oh, yeah. She's signed up for an open mic. Yes. But the thing is, again, and you try comedy to start with, you don't quite get the knack

of it. You're not quite sure how they do it do it how they do it so she just does it to me without the profile you know without putting herself at profile ah yeah yeah she just looks at me dead in the eyes and sticks a pen down the side of her neck where i can see it hasn't disappeared at all yeah you're fucking idiot yeah and then just and then just throws the pen at me so she's the equivalent of like an open mic uh not like understanding like have it feeling like they've seen enough of the tricks of like pull back and reveal or this direction or whatever and then their interpretation of that is to get up and go yeah so i fucked my auntie yep all that oh yeah what the what do you want about you've lost all the subtlety there yeah no yeah so at the at the moment, she won't be getting on a spleen.

Well, yeah, let us know. I like that. Were these on the same list? The buy a toy and then make a puppet out of a sick bag. This is the budget approach. The fine people at flyingwithababy.com, if you're going to buy that URL, you're going to get a bit more detail. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, no, there's a lot. Okay. There's a lot of other things. There's, what else is there? Here we go. Use window gel clings. Bring an old wallet with pretend cards and low value coins for them to play with. Fucking hell.

Bring some pasta along for them to make a necklace out of. Imagine packing all this shit on a plane. This whole website just basically boils down to just put heaps of shit in your bag that they can touch and fuck around with. It's like, yeah, cool. I'll bring a cup. I'll bring keys.

I'll bring... Play-Doh. I'll bring magnets. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Anyway, one thing that your child might be able to do

on the flight to kill time if there's Wi-Fi she could get on to patreon.com social dum-dum club that's a good idea

she's actually going to the Wiggles tomorrow oh yes and yeah she's not a fan of the Wiggles where it's like I think mum's keener for the Wiggles

than the blanket so I keep saying blanket a fan of the Wiggles Where it's like I think mum's keener for the Wiggles than Blanket So I keep saying to Blanket Are you excited about the Wiggles? No Oh, okay Okay, alright I mean, I've gone to bands with people Because they had a spare ticket

That I haven't been particularly into And it's won me over And I've come back and I've gone Fuck, you know what? That was really good I'm going to get into these guys now. This might be how she gets into the Wiggles. Yeah.

She just tags along with her mum who's more of a fan. The mum can sort of explain what the songs were. Yeah. What colours they are. Exactly. Yeah. Where's that happening? Is it like a big venue, right?

Yeah, I think it's at the tennis centre. Fuck yeah. So her first show. That's cool. I'd be interested to hear about that. Yeah. About what it's at the tennis center. Fuck yeah. So her first show. That's cool. I'd be interested to hear about that. Yeah. About what it's like. If she handles the crowd well,

she might be able to buy a ticket to the 500th episode. Yes. Yes. A couple of fucking clowns on stage. Yep. Dressed stupidly. Well, after seeing the Wiggles, our thing might be a little bit lowbrow for her.

Yeah. Yeah. But yes, get on to patreon.com slash little dumb dumb club if you would like to fund more Chandler family holidays. You can get a bonus episode or two bonus episodes, I should say, every week with friends of the show. And they're always a lot of fun. Been a lot of great ones of them recently.

People really enjoying them. So get on and get those. But of course if you uh are a bit more narcissistic and you you you know you want to get something out of it but you would rather the thing that you get out of it be sort of about you then this is your opportunity uh we read out a random number of names every week they are spat out by the unplanned title alternator a machine that keeps everything fair and balanced around these parts. And yeah, we're just going to do a completely random number of them right now.

Great. Good idea, Tommy. Thank you. I'll do exactly what you said. All right. Is that on flyingwithababy.com? One of the activities. Get your baby to riff on some names

of fellow passengers on the flight. Yeah, that's good. See, D7, what a cunt. Yeah, get a list of passengers. Remember that when we went to, I think we went to Thailand one time where we, I wonder if they still have that stuff on the plane where you can just find whoever's sitting in C3 or whatever and then go, hey, what are you doing? Remember that?

I remember it very well. Yeah, that was fun. I would love to say what we were writing to each other, but probably for the best that I do not. Yeah, I'll put that in the sealed section, I think. All right, let's crack one open. This week, first cab off the rank. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber,

Zach Vidler. Vidler. Yeah, V-I-D-L-E-R. Wouldn't be Vidler, surely. Vidler. No, it's got to be Vidler. Vidler. Yeah. V-I-D-L-E-R. Wouldn't be Vidler, surely. Vidler. No, it's got to be Vidler. The Vidler. That man's greatest enemy.

Yeah, I was going to say something in that area, but I decided it was perhaps best not to. Yeah, I decided it was the best. Yeah. I'll type out what I was going to say. Okay, all right. Do you have any... No, I don't. Okay, all right.

Hang on. Oh, actually, now I do. Now I'm thinking of it. Yeah, hang on, hang on, hang on. If it's the same thing as me, we have to both say it. Oh, I think that... If we both had the same thought,

I think that would say that that's proof that we definitely shouldn't say it. Oh, okay. No, that's not what I was going to say. I was going to say... You get where I'm coming from, right? No, I don't. You don't?

No. Oh, well, that's a shame. Yeah. I thought you were going to say Kitty Vidler. Ah, okay. I don't mind that. Yeah. I don't mind that at all.

Right. I wonder if he's ever gotten that. If he hasn't, I think you should go back to school and reintroduce it. That's a concept that we've floated before. It's Billy Madison style, but purely because you don't feel like you've got enough of a toweling up about your surname. Also, I don't think... I want to be bullied.

I'm too confident because I never got bullied for this nickname. Yeah. For this surname because it was too advanced for the kids when I was that age. So I'm going back to instill a bit more. Yeah, I've come up too bushy-tailed and bright-eyed. It's really gone against me in life. I've really thought anything's possible. I don't know whether they've been at some Steiner school

or how they teach kids these days, like everything's magic or whatever, but you need to go back in for a crash course in in the school of hard knocks yeah well i mean we often talk about how some surnames and like the nickname that you would have out of them it's uh you know it's based around a term or an idea that you know you wouldn't really learn about until you're about 15 or so yeah so the really like the really formative schoolyard stuff wouldn't exist yet well and also i mean i don't really remember, but like, you know, something like that, if you had the nickname Kitty Vidler, is that, you know,

when you're 14, are you really copying that much shit about that sort of thing? Because it's like, oh, you fiddle with kids. Yeah, I'm a kid. Yeah, yeah, 100%. It's not that big of an insult back then. That's pretty funny. That's funny bullying to call a 12-year-old a pedophile.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. You like that girl in Two Years Below, you fucking pedo. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay. All right, I guess I'll cop that. I mean, but there are like, not to get too dark, but there are like those brutal cases that you read about

where someone has a nude photo of their also 15-year-old girlfriend when they're 15 and they get done for having it because it's a... I didn't even know that. Yeah, I think it's a thing that's happened a couple of times. Yeah, right. Because it's just an actual law and it's fucked up a few people's lives because of it. Hopefully that's not the case with our good friend Kitty Vidler. Kitty.

The first name was Kitty. Kitty Vid good friend Kitty Vidler. Yeah. Kitty. Whatever the first name was, Kitty. Kitty Vidler. Kitty Vidler. As happens a lot of... That's Zach's drag name. Yeah. Kitty Vidler. I was about to say, as happens with a lot of these,

I've completely forgotten this person's first name. Zachary. Zachary Vidler. Kitty Vidler, the drag name of young Zachary. That's good. I quite like that, Kitty Vidler. Please, Zach, let us know if that's in the ballpark at all, of anything name of young Zachary. That's good. I quite like that. Kitty Vidler. Please, Zach, let us know if that's in the ballpark at all of anything you've ever copped. If it is, I never know whether to go, you know, if you've copped that before, great.

Great minds think alike. Or if it's the first time, it's like, fuck yeah. Yep. Fresh eyes. What do you think, off the top of your head, if you were to do drag, what do you think your drag name would be? Yeah, that's a tough one off the top of the head because you'd like to think you've got quite a well thought out name.

Yeah. Do you think you would be a good drag queen? Do you think you could do it? Do what? What part of it? You know, you get dolled up, you go out, you probably say you do like a lip sync. Let's say you do some kind of performance.

It's a lot of lip syncing involved in the drag world, right? So you come out. I don't think I'd be particularly skilled at it, no. I think it would, I think for reasons I think it would make a lot of people very happy. I think the contrast in me becoming a drag queen versus you, I think possibly people would be a lot happier to see me do it than you maybe. Right. I would like to do it.

Right. I think I'd have fun doing it. Right. Because like most men that are heterosexual in a relationship, I've been watching a bit of RuPaul's Drag Race. And there is a part of me that, you know, you see the whole thing come together and you go, yeah, bit of fun. Right. Especially if it's not your like full-time, you know, just as a one-off thing.

If there was an event where I went, I'm going to do drag. Right. And then I have a whole day where I'm getting dolled up and I'm coming out and it's like, especially if it's people who are fans of this or whatever and just that response that you would get coming out in full drag I think would be a lot of fun. What's the angle? What colours the hair? Ooh, great question.

I mean, maybe that's what it boils down to. I want to do this because it's an excuse to just have hair again. And huge jugs. Oh, fucking some big unnaturals. Since they dropped off years ago. What colour's the hair? Maybe, I think blonde. I think I'd be a cute blonde.

Yeah. More of a Betty than a Veronica. Sort of a gal. Yeah. I'm trying to think of a good name. What about song? Anything pop into your head anything

you're drawn towards anything yeah again I need to think about this a little bit I mean it's tempting to just you know go

go current and like play to the zeitgeist and say wet ass pussy right but I mean maybe that's a little that's a little obvious

is that is that you wouldn't go more classic are you are you you know this wet ass pussy I'm presuming you'd be gyrating a lot. Yeah. Yeah. Is that your feel? Well, then it's like, do I want to be actually good in my performance

or do I want to be like comically bad? Like if I'm, you know, doing like slut drops and twerking and all that kind of stuff, I'm not going to be doing it particularly well. Unless I commit. If I give myself like a year lead time to do this performance at the expense of everything else in my life. Weren't you going to learn how to dance or something at some stage? Yeah, I got to hit up this belly dancer.

The belly dancer, that's right. Get those lessons going. Yeah. I mean, maybe it can all come. Maybe I can feed them in together sure um yeah tommy daslow does that really lend itself to anything um in particular is there anything podcasty that it lends itself for a drag name um um yeah i can't really think of anything what about something like uh because it's good when the names are sort of like a pun, you know, they're like an actual thing.

So, Contessa Tent. Oh, yeah, that's not too bad. Contessa Tent. Something like that. I just like the surname Tent. Something, something, uh, Comedia, you know. Yeah. Carmen, Carmen.

Hmm. Something to do with, it's got to be a comedy one. Connie D. Connie D. Yeah. Yeah. Connie D. That's not too bad.

That's not too bad at all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Connie D. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, we'll have a think. We'll let this one boil. Put that in one of the groups this week and we'll see.

What's the dum-dum drag name? Yeah. That's our weeks you can think of you can think of ways to distract your child on a flight and I can think of

what my drag name would be yes great thanks Kitty Kitty Vidler thanks Zach Vidler thank you very much

to Patreon subscriber Victoria Beatty hmm hmm or Beatty no it's not Beatty it's Beatty Victoria Beatty Victoria named, it's not Beatty. It's Beatty. Victoria Beatty.

Victoria named after the state that we are currently living in. Yes. The place to be if you were to believe some licensed place. Is it still that? Or has it changed? It might not be.

I reckon it's changed since then. Named after one of the Spice Girls. Could well be if she's young enough. Could be. Could well be. Could be named after what some say was the hottest Spice Girl. What year were the Spice Girls really big? 96?

Be around then, 95, 96. Yeah, so you'd be 24 if you were born then and named after a Spice Girl. Could well be possible. Could very well be possible. I might have a quick little spy in a little... Might have a look and see if she looks 24 years old. Yeah. Yeah.

Let's see if that's a thing. Let's see if she's in our little Patreon group. Mm-hmm. Then we will be a lot closer to knowing. Here we go. Named after a Spice Girl. Oh, no. Inconclusive.

Hard to know. Hard to know. Bit of a filter on the picture. Hard to verify the... Filter on the picture. The age. Can't tell. Bit of a filter on the picture. Hard to verify the... Filter on the picture. The age. Can't tell. Does have some kids there.

I don't want to talk you out of school. Does have some kids, so she's had to be pretty quick at it. Yep. If she's going to be maybe 24, 25 and then pump them out and... Stranger things have happened. Sure. That's what some people want out of life. Name one of them.

One of her kids? No, name one of the stranger things that's happened. Oh. Name a strange thing. A strange thing. Two chicks at the same time. Oh, man. That's from the show Hotter Things.

Not Stranger Things, mate. That's a good premise for a show. Oh, wow. There's this unexplained phenomenon is happening in this town. This guy had a threesome. Yeah. He's a four and she's like a nine. Yeah.

Stranger Things. Yeah. We need to break into this facility where he had the threesome and work out what the fuck happened. Yeah. It was an experiment gone wrong. What do you reckon? He's a four and she's a nine. Oh, he plays footy.

You know, he was on TV. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a podcaster. Yeah, she's a bit younger. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I think he's got money.

What about the film A League of Their Own? That, but it's called a batting out of their league of their own. Oh, that's good. I really like that. See, that could be a show. That could actually be a show. Because League of Their Own is all-female baseball team, right? Yes.

So then batting out of a League of Their Own would be they're all really hot. No, I think it's more like the guys. The coach character is hideous. The reveal, I reckon the reveal is, it could go either way. It's a good reveal show where you go, here's the guy. Here's some five. Like I'm obsessed with the classic reality prank show. There hasn't really been one of these in a while.

They were red hot for a minute there where it's like everyone's in. This is what we're doing. And then they get the rug pulled out from them and it's like, surprise, you're actually here to eat shit on camera. Yeah. yeah yeah so batting out of their league of their own could be it's a return to that yeah i i like it either way actually i like the guy talking to the guy and you're going all right here it goes how good's the girl gonna be and then the reveal it could work the other way around as well i think it it'd be good. So you're saying that it's like what a... It's like a...

What are they called? They're like mystery dating shows. Yeah. What's that format called? Like Bachelor number three. Yeah, yeah. Blind date. Perfect match.

Blind date. Yeah, yeah. And the reveal is that they're... What, the person is really ugly? Or the other way around. Or that they're really hot. Yeah. Well, I think you go on a thing,

you would assume that they're really hot. Yeah. So for it to be a prank, it's got to be that they're really hot yeah well i think you go on a thing you would assume that they're really hot yeah so for it to be a prank it's got to be that they're it's not a prank it's just more interesting i guess i guess i guess you can't have too much of a reveal because like yeah if you have some some dowdy looking dude and then you go and check it out he's with like a seven and a half yeah okay. Okay, well, we're always pointing towards that way. Yeah. Unless it's like, unless he's rooting Jessica Rabbit. True.

Look, this is an okay format, but I will say this, it's got nothing on what's the weather. Right. It's got a long way to go before it's close to being

as good as what's the weather. Depends who the guests are, I think, as we've found. That's very true. As we've found. Yeah. Victoria Beattie,

let us know your thoughts on that game. Vicky, Vic or Victoria? What do you go with? Oh, I like Victoria. You know what I'd actually

never encountered before and I feel very stupid for not realising this but I found this out only because of paying an invoice that she sent me. Friend of the show, Tor Snyder. Oh, yeah.

Victoria. Yes. Yeah. I didn't know that. I never put that. I just went, oh, that's a weird name. It's like, oh, yeah. Makes total sense.

Yeah. But I've never heard of it being shortened that way. Yes. I don't hate it. It is a weird one, isn't it? Hmm. I would say vicky uh just just just a um memory of a crush i had on a girl at mcdonald's in ballarat right we we lived in a share house

and there was uh there was there all the i think all the guys in the in the share house were like yeah vicky at mcdonald's oh yeah she's great you know she's the one but I think I was the only one that was like nah she's really good and the others were like oh yeah yeah yep okay sure that's the most like I know Ballarat's like a city but that's

the most like small town story like actually actually the person who works at the fast food place being semi-famous no well you know you know but like actually you know being able to remember them like time after time of going in there yeah yeah sure we well we lived it was a share house and we lived a block from mcdonald's so it was a pretty big touchstone yeah of our lives at that point yeah yeah like just just the thing where you're like,

oh, you know what, I just had an idea. Why don't we walk to McDonald's? Like, fuck yeah. Yeah. That's a great idea. Who's coming? Did Vicky, like, recognize you guys when you went in? Was she like, oh, the boys are here again?

No, I think it was more. They're all over me. Yeah, no, I think it was more like, you know, we'd come in and very clearly use her name and go, hi, Vicky. Oh, God. We're back. We're coming to get a cheeseburger.

And her going, okay, I think I'm going on break. All of a sudden, Ronald's the second creepiest thing in this McDonald's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But fond memories of poor, the unrequited love towards poor Vicky. Vicky from Macca's. In, what's it called? The main street of McDonald's. Not the Bakery Hill one.

The one up near, next door to La Paqueta. Near the Ballarat Base Hospital, that one. I don't think I'm familiar with that one. It's probably a plaque dedicated to her. Right.

Yeah. Yeah, while we were there, they built a La Paqueta while we were there, which again, very exciting. That would have been huge. Very exciting news.

Anyway, thanks, Victoria Beattie. Thank you, Vicky. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber, Aaron Dineen. Aaron Dineen. D-I-N-E-N. Dineen. Interesting. Yeah?

It's, again, eyes are opened up every week to the surnames of the world on this show. If it's taught me nothing but this, it's been a worthwhile 10 years. Just how many weird and wonderful surnames there are getting around this funny old world of ours. Well, that's it. Sam Mack's book is all about, you know, that his job has shown him the far-reaching corners of the country and introduced him to all these different people and really shown him all these different sides of humanity. And this show is like a very small kind of macro version of that. Sorry, micro version of that.

Where it's just literally focusing on names. We don't get to travel quite as much as he does. We don't really see these people face-to-face when we're talking about them. But boy, oh boy, it gives us a bit of an idea of the spread of people that are in this great world of ours. Yeah. Aaron Deenan. It is a very funny contrast between us and him.

He travels around Australia and meets all the crazy characters there are in the world. We read out a couple of names, don't even know the people, and just go, what sort of a name's Deneen? Yeah, and then a few months later, we travel somewhere and that person comes up and abuses us for not being funny enough when we read out their name. I waited two years. And of course, the easiest one is when I was at school and everyone would go, Deneen Drenene.

And you go, oh, of course. Sorry. How did I not think of that one? But yeah, Deneen. I've just looked oh, of course. Sorry. How did I not think of that one? Yeah. But, yeah, Drenine. I've just looked her up again in the group. Yep. What do you got? It's her married name, so it's not her actual name.

Damn. I thought I was in. Yeah, no, unfortunately. Unfortunately not. Sorry there, Tommy. But Erin. Erin's a good name. Yeah.

Don't mind it. Yeah. It's a good solid 6 to 7 out of ten name, I reckon, in my opinion. Yeah, it's all right. Any famous Erins in your life pop up? When I was in grade... Must have been six, I want to say. There was a girl called Erin who had a crush on little Tommy Olsop.

Oh! Yeah. Was that the first crush, unrequited crush that had been had on you? Yeah, I believe so. Right. To my knowledge. Yeah, right. Very textbook stuff where, you know, the friend's delivering a note.

Great. Saying, I like you. Yeah. Yeah. What grade again? I like you. Yeah. Yeah. What grade again? I think it was grade... I think it was six. It must have been grade six.

Right. And you sealed the deal? I did not. You... No? I did not. No, not full. I...

You know what? No kitty viddling? I feel like I have told this story before on here, somewhere along the line, but very shamefully, she put herself out there like that, which is very admirable. I thought you were going to say,

she was shameful. She said, I like you, Tommy. What a hussy. Shameful in her lust of the great man. And my friends at the time found it quite funny that she had a crush on me because they thought that she was quite unattractive. Oh. So I sort of ignored her because at that age, peer pressure is everything.

Yes. And yeah, I just sort of ignored her and did nothing about it in spite of her friends really kind of pushing her and trying to make something happen. Yeah. And I did think she was cool, but I just thought, well, I'm going to get teased if anything happens here because my friends are being quite rude about this person.

And then I got a bit older. So this was the last year at primary school and then we went to separate high schools and never like didn't see her again, didn't keep in touch or anything. And then maybe I think I was still at high school, like a few years after this, I started to feel, I thought about it a lot and I felt very, very bad.

And I looked her up in the phone book and I called her up to apologize. Wow. Yeah. I just, I really was, you know, you get a bit older and you're like, that's so shitty, like to have treated someone like that all because of like dumb peer pressure and everything. So yeah, I called her up. How old were you? God, I think, I reckon i would have still been at school i reckon it was like maybe like

year nine or ten or something like that so it's like a few years you didn't go to the same school anymore no we weren't in contact or anything like that but i remember because she had lived near our primary school so i just looked her up in the phone book and like you know knew the address from being at school i was like oh okay i wonder book and like you know knew the address from being at school i was like oh okay i wonder if she's you know well yeah we're still at school so she would still be living at home right so like yeah i called up and also i love the idea that she's finally got the call from tommy that's like oh he's finally he's finally he's realized the error of his life he's come crawling back tommy and there's like yeah sorry about like not having

any interest in you but not talking about it I just want to put into words right now no interest yeah well I can't remember exactly how I phrased it but now that I think about it there's a way that you could word it that would come across quite badly where it's like it's not to do with me it's because everyone else in the class thought you were ugly yeah me thinking like what a great guy for making things good again it's like i've actually just alerted her to the fact that she was and it was like yeah sorry if you thought you know you i didn't i didn't say anything i didn't do anything just so you know that was on purpose that wasn't an accident i was ignoring you but this is the reason why yeah yeah but also it was that age where it was like you would just get teased for someone like liking you or you know being in a being in a quote-unquote

relationship and i and yeah i think she was very you could tease for liking someone who's attractive absolutely yeah yeah like oh you idiot you like hot chicks oh no i don't but she was uh yeah she was very nice about it i remember like. Yeah, what was her reaction? I think I was like, hey, you really put yourself out there and that was really cool and I was very uncool about it and I just have been thinking about it a lot recently and I just wanted to say sorry. And yeah, I don't think that...

I think she was like, oh, I really appreciate that, that's very nice. And then I don't think we hung I think she was like, oh, I really appreciate that. That's very nice. And then I don't think – yeah, I don't think we hung out or anything after that. I don't think there was any like let's – you know, I was like I'm not going to try my luck here. Right. But yeah, she was very cool about it. I think maybe it's probably due for another phone call. Check in on her now. Yeah, yeah.

Fuck, that would be great. Oh, I can't remember her surname, but I'll try and find. This could be her. I'll try and find. This could be her. This could be her. Imagine. She's still got the crush. Yeah.

She's sending you, this is her form of a love letter. She's sending you money every week. Yes. Could be her. I'll try and find an old, my parents will have some school list or something somewhere they'll know where everyone's still you know where the parents live

and what the kids are up to that's what my parents do they're like oh you know how Julie works as a vet now who's Julie yep you know

blah blah blah no not at all I've got no no fucking idea about any of this stuff yeah nor do I care yeah yeah

but that would be I didn't give a fuck in grade four when I was at school with them yeah why would I give a fuck now I've got no fucking idea about any of this stuff. Yeah, nor do I care. Yeah, yeah. But that would be... I didn't give a fuck in grade four when I was at school with them. Yeah. Why would I give a fuck now? I'll try and find a school list and look her up. See what's going on. Fingers crossed it's Erin Dineen and you've been absolutely exposed here. Oh, God.

As being a long-term stalker. That would be incredible. That would be amazing. Thanks, Erin. Thanks, Erin. As being a long-term stalker. That would be incredible. That would be amazing. Thanks, Erin. Thanks, Erin. Sorry. Pardon me. Am I boring you?

Yeah. No. The last thing this segment of the show would do would bore me. Reading out names. I'm on the edge of my seat. Yeah. No. Oh, God.

I've been sleeping quite poorly lately. But, yeah. Sorry. Trying to keep it together. And also, I haven't eaten. I've been sleeping quite poorly lately. But yeah, sorry. I'm trying to keep it together. And also, I haven't eaten. I'm fucking hungry. And I'm trying to not distract myself with thoughts of what I'm going to eat for lunch. And it's that horrible thing where it's lunch where you're out and about.

You're not at home. So you definitely have to get something. Then you're thinking about all your options. And then all of a sudden, you're thinking, yeah, but what's open for lunch ah lots of lots of nice places around but like what's opening for dinner and what's opening for lunch yeah i never really that thought never really enters my mind yeah you must you must go to places exclusively open all day i guess i do that's my roster yeah i mean i am i have entire sessions at the gym where i realize i've been in a fugue state and i can't i've just been my body's been on autopilot

just doing the exercises without really thinking about it because my brain has just been distracted the entire time by thinking what's what am i doing for dinner yeah what am i gonna get thinking like now you know what i'll get this and then going actually what if i got that instead and literally realizing the entire 45 minute class has gone past with me not being mentally present in the room at all that's a good way of doing it it is great yeah um you know i don't know if many people out there use our podcast for jogging but i certainly inspire inspire myself with sports stuff when I jog, just to distract myself. But I don't think I mentioned this last week

when I was talking about having gastro. But I had that thing where, I think I was saying, you get caught up in your own head and you start to go crazy. You have those fever dreams, fever thoughts, whatever it is. Praying to God, bargaining, i'll never eat cheese again yeah having all these new plans of how to change my life and then one of them was i just i just couldn't i just wanted that fizzy drink and uh so when i finally finished vomiting I gave myself like an hour or two. And I was like, right.

I had a sip of water. I'm not going to throw that up. I was like, I'm not going to get back to sleep. So I got up at 4.30 in the morning and walked to my McDonald's. My McDonald's. Wasn't open. Had to bargain with them to get to go. You're not supposed to use the drive-thru window.

Oh, right. So then I just did as a person without a car. Yep. And then just got a big lemonade, a big Fanta and just sat there at the front of McDonald's. The dirty double. Yeah. And they're selling that to me at like 10 to 5 in the morning. And me with a huge jacket on

and just going, who's fucking buying this on a Monday morning at 4.50? This is clearly, this must be some sort of heroin related thing. Yeah. And then just me sitting there drinking

and me having nothing in my stomach. Yeah. I've been spewing nothing for like 12 hours. Yeah. And then just putting Fanta and lemonade in my stomach

which did you start with or were you kind of going back and forth lemonade yeah I would say start with that one planar go up to the and just that thing in your head where you're going this is the best idea of all time and then in reality

I've got nothing in my stomach except for two soft drinks that are not mixing well at all and they're just sitting there and they're very bubbly and acidy. Oh God, after having nothing, that sip of Fanta must have been like you were having something out of the fucking Willy Wonka factory. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally, except way worse because you're mixing it with fucking lemonade. It was, it felt chemically unsafe to have that. It's the only thing in my stomach.

It was the fucking worst. Oh, God. Anyway. Thanks, Aaron. Thanks, Aaron. Thank you very much to patrons. Let's get this moving along. Oh, we're running out of time.

We are running long. Yeah. Thank you very much to patrons and subscribers. Nick Forsyth. Nick Forsyth. Yeah. What a posh, lardy-darse surname. Forsyth.

That really sets you out in the world. You can't be, you know, well, going back to that, I really think you can't be sitting out in front of McDonald's drinking Fanta and looking like a heroin addict

if your last name's Forsythe. I think that rules you out. I mean, at the very least, you're holding the Sprite and you're holding the Fanta and you've got your pinky extended out. Okay.

Yeah. Very la-di-da. You've got your pinky as you're shooting up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The pinky up as you're holding the needle. The posh heroin. Yeah.

Is that a Funnyfellas character? I think so. The posh junkie. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Write it down. I'm writing it down.

Write it down. Pinky extended as you're shooting up. I remember saying, I should see if this is on YouTube. And you're shooting and you're looking for a blue vein.

Yeah. That's good. That's good. I remember saying, I should see if this is on YouTube. And you're shooting and you're looking for a blue vein. Yeah. That's good. I remember saying on, when John Safran used to have his, one of his shows on the ABC that was just him doing, like, basically like a panel show, like kind of his version of Q&A, just interviewing people. Right. And he had these people on that are very well off

that do heroin in what they consider to be a non-risky controlled environment right where they're just like yeah hasn't destroyed our lives yeah just enjoy it like the effects yeah still got my job still got plenty of money right haven't hit ruin yet which i find fat they must be out there yeah there must be the odd person that can just like keep it under control and I find that fascinating I was going to say I thought you had a follow up thing

where it was like anyway they're dead now because I would assume that is the case well that's the thing I want to look because I remember just seeing it briefly

but this was like ages ago that this show was on I want to see if it's on YouTube and then see if I can do some digging and find out what's happened to those people hit up Saffron

ask him yeah yeah yeah that's what it's doing because that's the classic. No, no, no. You know, I've met plenty of people like that. No, it's all under control. Cut to two seconds later.

It is not under control. Of all substances to not be under control. Yeah, I wish I had – because I think I told this on the show at the time, but John Safran was one of the first people I saw in public after the lockdown ended in Melbourne. I bumped into him out the front of a pub and he was sitting there reading Charlie Kaufman's book.

Oh. Yeah. Have you seen it? Oh, you've bought that and I've bought it. I haven't even opened it yet. I bailed a third in. Oh, really? Yeah.

No good? It started off good, but it kind of, yeah. Too much? It kind of lost me a little bit. Oh, okay. I don't know. Maybe I'll pick it up again someday. Yeah.

Yeah. Maybe I'll bring it to the Gold Coast. It is funny. Like I was... Yeah, there's some funny stuff in there at the start, but... Maybe I should bring it to the Gold Coast. It's like... It's pretty long.

It's a pretty thick book. Yep. And I was a third in and it felt like it was going off the rails. And I was like, I really don't care to stick around for the rest of this. Another 600 pages. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know. Okay.

An abandoned ship. It is a big thick book to chuck in my suitcase as well. Exactly, yeah. Maybe I should just bring a few catalogues. Oh, a few Victoria's Secrets.

Yeah. Maybe. Sit next to your wife around the pool. Yeah. Just intently studying a bra catalogue. Yes.

Yeah. Also, a bit of a diss to everyone else that's in their bikinis around the pool. Right. What are we, chopped liver? Yeah. What if I did this?

If I had the Victoria's Secrets catalogue, but then I poked eye holes in them? Right. Eye holes out of the tits that you're staring through. To look at other tits. Yeah, I'm on that at all. That's very good. The most confusing look at other kids. Yeah, I'm on that at all. That's very good. The most confusing disguise of all time.

Yeah. Yeah. Funny. Well, thanks. Who was this? Nick Forsyth. Thanks, Nick Forsyth. Yeah.

Okay. One more to go. And until lunchtime. Until the dinner bell rings. Yeah, I'm starving. I'm fucking starving. I had to put the word fucking in front of just to let you know i'm probably more hungry than you um all right one more and then dinner time then lunch time thank you to patreon subscribe oh okay right

this is speaking of ringing a bell, this rings a bell. Yep. Yep. Yes, what is it? Yeah, yeah, wrap it up. What bell is it? Sorry, Sam, we're running out of time on the segment. Give us the weather and fuck off. Yeah, I don't care about skipping rope. What is it in all boss today? Hurry up, cunt.

I've got some fucking hay. Hay to plant. I'm planting hay. I'm a farmer. I'm planting hay. Yep, a farmer. I'm planting hay. Yep, yep. Thank you very much to, this could come from a catalogue itself, Victoria's Comedy. Very nice.

All right. Thank you, Victoria's Comedy. And thank you everyone who subscribes to the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Patreon.com slash Little Dumb Dumb Club. Get on there. Support the show. Get two bonus episodes every week. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for tickets. We show, get two bonus episodes every week. littledumbdumbclub.com

for tickets. We're in Sydney this weekend. Come see us at the podcast and at the stand-up shows. Really looking forward to getting up there. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time.

See you, mate.