The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 557 - Dave Anthony & Dave Thornton

Episode Date: June 2, 2021

We're back on Zoom with our good mates DAVE ANTHONY and DAVE THORNTON! Given that we're in lockdown in Melbourne, we're very skeptical of Anthony's upcoming Australian tour plans. Thornton's making the most of it by scheduling in some surgery and he's been killing time by catching up on his neighbourhood gossip PLUS there's an escalating dispute in Karl's apartment building between him and his neighbour. You will absolutely never guess what the source of the disagreement is so chuck on your raincoat and get stuck in!  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Dave Anthony and Dave Thornton. If you want to come see us live, you can do that. Our next three live dates are Brisbane, the 7th of August, Melbourne, the big 500th episode on the 14th of August, and then in Perth, our rescheduled date on the 9th of October. You can find all that information, littledumbdumbclub.com. We'll talk to you more about all that stuff at the end of the episode. But until then, enjoy this new one recorded live over Zoom with Dave Thornton and Dave Anthony.

I'm in it too. I'm Carl. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and with me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, Dickheads. Ooh, feeling pretty hot on it.

Not much of a delay. Let's see if we can keep that up. We've got two very special guests joining us today. Please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Dave Thornton and Dave Anthony. Yay! Yay! Yay!

Yay! You guys are the meat between the Dave-wich. Oh, yeah. Oh, double D. Double Dave, right. Okay. Big natur yeah. Oh, double D. Double Dave. Right, okay. Big naturals. Love it.

Yeah, that's right. Okay, okay. Who's been inside for a little bit too long? Those references were a minute in. Hey, hey, all I've done to transfer from what I was doing before to what I'm doing now is just pull my pants up. So just give me a little bit of transition time while I get my head out of the gutter, all right?

Now, you guys are back in a lockdown? That's correct, Dave. We are back in hell on earth slash what you do all the time. Yeah, we're not allowed to talk to anyone. We're in Melbourne. We've got into a quick lockdown, hopefully, fingers crossed. So that's why we're back in this wonderful medium of Zoom right now. Yeah, I think what happened, Dave, was I think the Victorian government

took a look at the Instagram page of at Dave Anthony and went, this coronavirus thing is actually pretty bad. We should keep our people locked up. The world's most trusted news source. Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry. I had to deliver the bad news. A lot of people weren't.

A lot of people have just been like, I would say most people, except for me and a couple others. This is actually bad. It's where I find out that a lot of people are dying and also about crackpot senators. Those are the two kind of main items that come down the pipe over there at dave anthony

that's right yeah i try to keep it funny yeah i try to keep it funny this the big news the big news with um with dave anthony is the the your podcast the dollop is is coming down under in what october october i think hopefully you guys don't you keep the virus under control so we can come. That's the main goal for Australia, right? Yeah, yeah, totally, totally. So it's fertile ground when you bring the virus down? Is that what you're saying?

Like you want a blank canvas? That's correct. You can rip through it. I mean, you've announced this tour and it's like, cool, we're in lockdown because someone came from another country and spread it around. It's like, oh, great. Well, I can't wait for these two fuckers to get here

from the hotbed of fucking coronavirus America. Mind you, I'm looking forward to turning up to the live gig and they're like, the Spanish flu. And you're like, okay, this feels loaded. This feels like you're preparing us. Yeah, today's topic on the dollop, the Indian wedding I went to about six months ago. Let's get stuck here.

I think the disaster they're going to wreak is the story they're going to be telling on the 2022 tour of Australia for the dollop. Remember when we were here last year? That fucked you guys right up. Let's talk about it. We got a special flight that goes from LA to

Bombay and you stay at an Indian brothel for three days and then straight to Perth. To be fair, you planned that before the coronavirus. So, yeah. I was just going for your classic viruses, you know, your chlamydia and whatnot. But, oh, well.

So weird. Yeah, it does seem like there was a point a couple of months ago where international acts were scheduling gigs over in Australia because we were the promised land where things were open and now our vaccine rollout has been so bad that I think a lot of those international artists are going to be rethinking it and going,

might just beam the gig in, might just do it from here and have people in the theatre in Sydney watch us on a screen. Might be a bit safer. Yeah, all of a sudden Husey's planning a new tour of New Delhi. That's flipped completely around. I don't understand.

Why isn't your country vaccinating people before they come in? If they're Australians coming back, just make them get a vaccine, wait a couple weeks, and then come. America's the voice of reason. Jesus Christ, we're in trouble. Oh, look at Dave coming in with his sensible ideas.

I mean, I've been vaccinated since February. I'm all good. I've been self-isolating for years. You know, this is no word of a lie, because in australia yes you're right we hit the shit hit the fan and then they're like we should really all get vaccinated and now there's been this huge backlog of people now trying to get vaccinated and i've been calling up because i'm now in an age group that can get it the government allows you to have it and i can't get through just even just to book it so this is no word of a lie on Friday. Rather than book the vaccination because I can't get it through,

I just booked in a vasectomy that I'm doing in about 10 days. Well, that's a vaccine of type. You know, that's... 100%. That's sort of making sure your life isn't ruined in another way. Yeah. I've had two little viruses rip through my house for the last four years. I don't want that to happen again yeah so what are you saying you might be able to get the vaccine while

you're in getting the vasectomy just a bit of like while you're down there if you can just yeah do they have like a two-for-one deal yeah yeah can you can you get both can can you get vaccinated in the balls is that a thing can you that done? Who's cutting and who's jabbing? With what? What am I talking about here? What am I doing? Yeah, I really don't know because I did ask them. I'm like, will this affect me if I get the vaccine?

Like, can I have this and then the next day get the vaccine? I don't know why that might be a thing. I don't know. And she just said, I don't know either. So I could be patient zero for this stuff. That's a great conspiracy theory to get going, that the vaccine reverses the vasectomy. It unsnips it.

It gets into your blood and it unsnips you. All of a sudden you have cord droplets and all you did was have a wank. It's like, fucking hell, there's some side effects on this vaccine. Mind you, this is no word of a lie dave there's there's a guy who does this in melbourne and he's notorious if not through melbourne i'd say through australia he's really cornered the market and he's called dr snip that's his name and and is this is this a name that he came up with after he found out his talent or was this met you know beforehand it was meant in the stars that he was to become a vasectomy king?

No, his actual name is Mr. Dick Chop, but then he changed it to Dr. Snitch. Well, he was going to do it, and then someone was like, that's not a vasectomy, that's just cutting off your dick. A vasectomy is the boss. And also, I think that Insta handle was taken already, it's like well we can't use that but the weird thing is is i i saw on the website there's this guy and i get it because if you've studied medicine for eight years you want to make a mozza there's no emergency vasectomies like you're just putting it in through the day that's a monday to friday job it's pretty easy and right and let's that's funny

there's no there's no there's no emergency vasectomies there's no one going man you gotta get over here I wanna do a raw dog in like an hour

can you come now yeah I got a candlestick stuck up there I need you to chop it out real quick

it's a mobile vasectomy guy that just pulls up to your house does it in the garage No roadside assistance Yeah I've got a bottle of vodka

Don't worry about the anesthetic I'm good I'm loaded But So he's doing it And his daughter Has followed in his footsteps And now she's

Oh what Oh And the woman said to me She goes Oh we got it Yeah in a couple weeks I said yeah fine And they said Oh and you're fine to me she goes oh we got it yeah in a couple weeks i said you're fine and they said oh and you're fine to go with like i don't really remember her name but it was like and i went mrs snip lady snap hey hey women can be doctors as well mate

mrs dr snip sorry sorry yeah and i realized afterwards i was like i probably would have preferred a guy with this one but it's not to do with her work. It's just more to do with, okay, this is me. It sounds like cronyism a little bit. Like she just kind of made her way into the business. Maybe she doesn't even have a degree. I mean, just come in under dad. Is this just like how Kevin Bloody Wilson,

Australia's favorite sweary entertainer, has a daughter called Jenny Talia that he just brings how Kevin Bloody Wilson, Australia's favourite sweary entertainer, has a daughter called Jenny Talia that he just brings along on the road, even though she mightn't be that good? Is that the same sort of thing, do you think? Mate, I think this woman should be called Jenny Talia. Exactly, yeah. That makes more sense if you're working in the same business. Yeah, she should get into the family business for sure.

Yeah, right. So when's the... Oh, it's happening in a week? Okay. Yeah, if this lockdown doesn't... This snap lockdown doesn't unsnap. If it does unsnap, it's good for a week. I thought that might have been counted as a necessary thing.

That's one of the things. You can go grocery shopping you can go for an hour of exercise and you can have a knife stuck on your dick for a minute as well is that that's that's that's not one of them yeah you would think so actually when you talked about that it was funny when i booked it in and then i told my partner nikki she was like oh so what's the actual operation i'm like oh they just cut a bit and she's like so oh, so what's the actual operation? I'm like, oh, they just cut a bit. And she's like, so what is that actually doing? And I just went, oh, I don't really know if I've got to be honest.

They're just going to do something. So Dr. Snip would use a hatchet. That was his sort of thing. I don't know what instrument his daughter is using. But the word on the street is that she has a machete. Like it's her own thing. That's more feminine. And it's not really precise. It's like, is there such thing as a smart bomb?

It's the sort of same thing. She just gets in there and she, at the end of it, you're not going to be able to have kids. That's like the main thing. There's a lot of things you're not going to be able to do. Put it that way. No, no, no. Rust is good for your urethra.

This would be really fun. It's like penicillin. It's sort of like penicillin. It'll fix everything else. God, this poor lady, she must have heard a lot of just like dog shit attempts at humour from just like sad dads going in to get the snip being like yeah love you might need to get the biggest scissors out like i reckon she's had some fucking awful experiences in that operating theater for sure yeah well a mate of mine did

get a vasectomy and he said this is all true so after you get it done supposedly it's 21 times you need to ejaculate and then you're empty. So it's still some in the chamber. Wait, what's happening? After you do it, you have to, and they know it's 21. They're like, all right, that's it. 21, you're good.

It's the drinking age in America. That's how they remember it. Yep. Once your dick can get drunk, it's empty. Right. Yeah, so there's like chambers in the balls. 21 chambers. It's like Wu-Tang.

It's like Wu-Tang. It does speak to Dr. Snip having a gambling problem where he's just been playing blackjack too long and he's like, over hit me hit me yeah yeah yeah a jack and a seven whoops you're pregnant 21 times you've got to go and my mate

who's actually Tom Seagate friend of the show stand-up comedian and Tom Seagate's in of course he you know he goes so you have to have sex

21 times and you know he's like oh wank 19 times and have sex twice. And he's like, Dr. Simpson, I hear that joke every time. Every time. Yeah, you almost need a list of them on the wall when people walk in. It's like, here's the ones I've heard hundreds of fucking times.

Don't try this one out. I'm over it. That's a good idea. Sometimes. Don't trot this one out. I'm over it. That's a good idea. Someone should make a universal database of all the hack jokes for everyone's professions.

So when you walk in, you just go, before anything else, just read the eye chart on the wall. And we go through all the hack jokes about plumbers, about accountants, about every job there is. All the bullshit jokes. Get them out of your system. Then we can do business. Yeah, yeah. What are your number ones? Like, Bottle Shop would have to be top of the list,

someone with, like, a slab and he's with a group of mates going, and what are you guys getting? Yeah, yeah. That's number one on the Bottle Shop. Yeah, yeah, that's good. Yeah, what else? What are the other, like, top-tier hackery? Well, I mean, doing comedy, you cop, you know, tell us a joke straight away. You know, that sort of thing.

So you've got to get that up there. You know, I only had this recently. I dropped my car in to get serviced and the mechanic, I think, well, he must have recognized me. And then when the woman at the front desk called up to say, you can come pick your car up. She actually called. It was a number I didn't recognise but I just picked up by going mello

just a bit stupidly and she goes oh is this a joke are you joking and I was like what I've said hello

and it's stumped you like oh no oh he can't turn it off classic yeah classic Thorne I mean he could read the phone book and it'd make me piss myself, mate.

He's a fucking ripper. She was in bits. She didn't know. Man, imagine if you covered Lionel Richie's greatest hit. It'd just be a fucking absolute pisser, mate. If you're going, yellow, is it me you're looking for? Oh, Thorne, he's Australia's Weird Al. Oh, yeah. I didn't do Oh, no. He's Australia's Weird Al. Oh, yeah.

I didn't do it, kid. He's done it. So, yeah, we're in lockdown. We've been in lockdown for like, I don't know, nearly a week or whatever in Melbourne. So I'm trying to get through all the long-term stuff. I just got my tax done for 2019, 2020. So I'm pretty wrapped at that. But it's sort of like nostalgic

looking back at times where you made money um looking at all the stuff all the money i i earned in that year sort of nice um but we all got things going on mate okay i get it well no we all had things going on i think is the phrase yeah phrase. But you guys have an amazing... You guys have come up with an amazing way to lose money where you fly places and then get put into quarantine and have to stay for two weeks and cancel the reason you came there

to make money. It's really amazing to watch. Look forward to that. Look forward to that in October, bitch. At least we only sat on a plane. At least we only sat on a plane for three hours and not fucking 14. I'll remember this moment. At least it's a change from flying to another country

and waiting for a fucking American guest of ours to turn up and then him never fucking rocking up. That's a nice change from that fucking happening. I had a thing. I had a thing with a guy i tried oh man it's still the best festival i've ever been a part of yeah you did a great job on it so so i thank you i i. So I took so long to fucking do my taxes for 2019, 2020

that it actually got me to a point where I'm like, man, I can't wait to do 2020, 2021 because I earned fucking nothing then. So I cannot wait to get out my new tax return. It's going to be so easy to add all the zeros together. It's going to fucking rule. What are you going to be able to claim though? That's the big problem. Well, what do you take out of nothing? I don't know. It's going to fucking rule. What are you going to be able to claim, though? That's the big problem.

Well, what do you take out of nothing? I don't know. It's fucking hard, isn't it? Exactly. Yeah. I've flipped straight back into lockdown mode. I've gone back out into night running. I'm running every night.

I treat myself by going to a supermarket a little bit further away from where I usually go. And I've got straight back into lockdown mode where last year, as we talked about on the show quite a bit, I went running at night, Dave and Dave's, and shit myself quite a few times as I was running. I'm sorry? I went running. Why are you telling people this? Because I have an hour to fill every week, Dave. That's why.

I can't talk about fucking the time where someone fell down a well in 1942 in fucking Insanity Park or whatever the fuck you do. I've got to come up with fresh shit. Okay. I mean, so there's no shame. Like your shame is just out the window. Okay. So what happened to me is I've been shitting my pants on night runs. Yes. okay i mean so you so there's no shame like your shame is just out the window and you're like okay so what happened to me is i've been shitting my pants on night runs yes yeah and that's why they

call them night runs yeah yeah literal runs yeah that's it so the person who doesn't do a podcast about their personal life and put it all out to you know air in the public sphere those are the people you've got to be most sus on what What's Dave Anthony getting into in his private life that he doesn't want to be talking about it every week on a podcast? That's the guy you've got to worry about. He's just making notes of this, and he's going to talk about me shitting my pants for 50 years. That's all he's doing, saving this, putting it in a time capsule.

Yeah, of course I am. Wait, I don't understand. Why are you shitting your pants? You're saying you're just running and you shit your pants, but that's not a normal, that's not a healthy body. Yeah, you say it like that's the plan, like you're doing it deliberately. Well, to be fair, once you look at it, why would you want to shit in your own house where you live and you eat?

Why not do it, you know, out somewhere else as you're in constant movement? Oh, I have an answer because there's a toilet in the house. Oh, right, right, right. Okay, all right. Okay, I get it. Well, that hasn't come down under quite yet. We haven't got that yet. You know, it's like some of your Hollywood movies.

It takes a while. I do like your theory too is a very Carl Chandler theory. Like, why would I want to shit my own house? Because there's 9 billion people who say, no, don't shit on my front lawn. You're like, yeah, but they're not me. They're not me. So I did that a few times

last lockdown last year. And I was like, I got to the end of it and I was like, oh, I figured out why it was happening. Because people kept going, that's not normal. What's wrong with you?

Is it some sort of lockdown thing? Is it whatever? Well, I found out that what I was doing was I was happening because people kept going, that's not normal. What's wrong with you? Is it some sort of lockdown thing? Is it whatever? Well, I found out that what I was doing was I was going to a certain supermarket and I was really loving buying the bread they had there and I never really looked at the label. And then once I started looking at the label, once I started shitting myself a lot, it was like there's a big yellow warning sign. This is extremely high fiber bread.

And I was literally eating like four to five sandwiches a day out of it and that's why i was shitting myself it would take about six hours for it to go through my body and then i would run and then i would figure this out was a year-long project figuring out that because you've eaten a loaf of bread is causing you to shit yourself excuse me this is about three months it took me. Excuse me. Three months. And only because there was a label saying this product, this bread has fiber in it.

It was only then that you realized. I'll just pull you up a little bit. It's not my wife discovered that, not me. So I'll pull you up again. That's wrong. How many times did you shit your pants running? I literally shit my pants, I think it was two or three times. And then I came close quite a few other times.

After the first time, were you not like, well, this is weird. Maybe it's something I ate. Did that not... Not really. I just thought, oh, maybe this is like a one-off. So you were just like, oh, that's a new thing that's happening. That's just totally... What a normal bodily situation I'm having. I'm just a guy running and shitting his pants. Dave, you do know that Carl has a little daughter,

and no doubt he's like, so you can just shit your pants and someone else cleans it up? This is pretty good. This is good gear. So it's like a vicious cycle here because it's like you're shitting your pants on the run because of the bread, but you also need to be going on the run because you're eating all the bread. You know what I mean? So if you cut the bread out, you would need to go on the run and the whole equation just sort of ceases to exist.

Exactly. Exactly, Tommy. And that's what I worked out and that's when I cut the bread out. However, yesterday I forgot about that the the cure i forgot about the uh the vaccine which was to not have any bread yeah so yesterday i got it i went i got back in a lockdown mode and i went bought a big loaf of that bread and i ate a whole bunch of it and then i went for a run what in the fuck is happening what is happening right now your wife your wife was already like i'm never gonna fuck this guy again like i have to figure out what's happening and she like found this list she's like oh thank god i can still live with this

guy and barely respect him and then you're like immediately back you're like honey where's the shit bread yeah i need the shit bread oh that would be great like me as an only child going to my parents and going why didn't you have more kids and mom going well after you were born your dad just kept shitting himself and the idea of ever fucking him again was so repulsive to me that we thought no it's i'm fine to not have other kids yeah yeah also share the same bed anymore we can't I can't sleep on those bed sheets, son. That's why you never got a brother. But also, you're like Homer Simpson with that hoagie that he just can't let go of.

Like this friend that you just keep going back to. Just saying, wow. Soiled pants or no soiled pants. You can't get this sourdough anywhere. It's more like an ex. I was like, this time it'll be different. It'll be different this time. Right. Yeah. I can't get this sourdough anywhere. It's more like an X. I was like, this time it'll be different. It'll be different this time. Right. Yeah. I can fix it.

See, what I find fascinating for you is like most people when they get a set, like you get a sandwich, right? And the bread is the instrument to hold in the fillings. It's the fillings that are doing all the heavy lifting. Some yummy cheese, some smoked chicken breast, what have you. But you seem to find the bread to be the main event. We actually got it.

We didn't need examples of what's in between. Because there was nobody listening going, now what's he talking about that's in the middle there? Well, to be fair, he's telling a man that worked out why he was shitting his pants who then went back and kept doing the reason why he kept shitting his pants. So it's fair enough for him to give a bit of explanation, I think, in his case. I'm teaching primary school right now.

I'm going right back. I'm going through lists of words that start with the letter A. But, yeah, that's the thing I find fascinating about you. You're more into the bread than anything else in the sandwich. Is that fair, generally? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think so. I think so.

Yeah, I agree. I agree. Really? Yeah, yeah. I yeah i love bread love love good bread yeah it's like so do you soft white bread it's like fresh bed sheets for me which again was ruined by the bread that i did i did have yeah yeah did you say sheets oh sorry good good but mate but the weird thing is is you've done the bread thing, but then you haven't sat it out and gone, all right, well, I've eaten said bread. Maybe I'll just see what happens.

You've gone, no, no, I'm going to shake this powder keg again. Yeah. See how this all ends. Well, it is the thing where I eat my lunch and then it's fine. It's fine all day. And then I don't know why it's like exactly like seven hours or something later so i went i thought i'm in the clear and i went for my run last night and um yeah i was not in the clear at all and how far how far did you get in the run uh i ran to the enemy's hallway

i i want to i'll say this i ran like two kilometres one way and then it started happening and then I started coming home because I was like, this is a race against time. So I want to say that it technically did not happen again. I did make it to the toilet, but the last 500 metres was me contemplating crawling on the ground home with such severe stomach cramps i was like oh that's right 2020 that's right how amazing would have been though if you got on your hands knees and were crawling and a guy walked by and he was like it's great bread isn't it

oh yeah lockdown let me guess. You baked a loaf of sourdough. You ate the whole thing in one sitting. We've all been there, brother. Yeah. Just you on your hands and knees and then you shitting yourself while you're crawling along the street like a disgusting sprinkler just going up would be a real sight, a real treat.

But the good thing is there's no one on the street. So it could have been just me crawling by myself and there's no one to watch. That's the good thing. The good thing about shitting your pants in a pandemic is if you shit yourself in the woods and there's no one there, did you really shit yourself? Yes.

It's like that. There's no one around. No, you definitely shit yourself. I mean, the thing about shitting yourself, it usually isn't all the other people because they don't know. Really, the only person who knows you shit yourself is you. You're the one who feels the deep shame because you shit yourself.

In many of these cases, it was me shitting myself, then pulling my pants down in the street, and then shitting more. Finishing the job, yeah. I mean, the tree falling in the woods proverb doesn't really hold up if the tree then goes on its podcast and is like, guess what, everyone? I fell over in the woods. And then all the listeners, oh, the tree's done it again.

You know what I'm realising throughout all of this is this is a public health service where we can just edit this bit from the podcast and they can just play that on loop at the vasectomy clinic to make sure that no men ever have any movement just in case if they're a little weary to turn up having dr snip and think oh like i don't want half a chub here just in case i get embarrassed no no no yeah we'll play carl shitting his pants that'll make sure nothing will happen just Just everyone beware if you're going to go to Coles and get that very high fibre bread,

the tall bread with the flour on the top of it. Just stay inside for nine hours. After nine hours, then go for your run. That's what I would say. If you can, if you possibly can, don't eat the entire loaf in one sitting. Now, I know it's going to be hard. I know it's going to be quite difficult.

Thanks for bringing that up, Tommy. Yeah, thank you. And then I would say, you know, instead of saying the high bread with the flour on top, you could just read a label. Okay, right, right. Oh, man, if you've got all the time in the world like Dave Anthony, sure. But if you're a busy go-getter that's constantly wiping their arse and asking for forgiveness for strangers in the street,

I mean, if you're a busy man like me, you don't have that time. Now, guys, I've been eating these delicious laxatives, but they also have a very unfortunate side effect that you wouldn't know about if you didn't read the fine print, where they cause you to shit your pants. But why do they have to make them so delicious? That's on them. Why are they budge to shit your pants. But why do they have to make them so delicious? That's on them. Why are they bodge-sized?

Yeah. Why are they wrapping them up in a bow? Oh, that's me. That's just me making them a present and giving them to myself. Sorry. That's my fault. You know, I might as well take this opportunity while we're talking about shitting on the street to talk about the latest, really, occurrence that has happened on my street.

Because now during lockdown, obviously, you've got nothing to do but hear all the rumours and all the activities of your neighbours and that's the only thing you can concentrate on. Oh, great. As opposed to watching the news. And people live across the road from me, this couple, and they just got a little miniature poodle. And, I mean, I've got to be honest,

this poodle gets pretty much taken around more than it gets walked around. They're very precious with this poodle, uh i mean i've got to be honest this poodle gets pretty much taken around more than it gets walked around they're very precious with this poodle but they're very miniature poodles are not exactly big to start with so someone saw a poodle and went whoa look at that heifer we need a we need a little one of them yeah yeah exactly and then kept going like where's the run to the litter right you're doing the run to the litter let's let's go on this one this feels like this feels like the hack joke that would be on? Right, you're doing the run to the litter. Let's go on this one. This feels like the hack joke that would be on the wall when you walk into the vet. Guys, we've heard all the jokes about poodles.

We've heard all the... Don't try it. We're sick of it. So there's another neighbour up the street. He's a father of three, really lovely guy. And evidently, though, there's certain things that snag, that obviously he doesn't have a long fuse for, if you could use that term of phrase.

He thought he saw said poodle crap out the front of his house, like just on the pavement, and he swears it's that dog. So rather than going, and he knows this couple and rather than going down and saying, hey, like, I think your dog crapped there. Could you pick it up?

He's gone, right. And picked up the poo, taken it to their front doorstep, placed it down and gone, return to sender. There you go. And the couple's come out

and like gone, what, why is there a turd on our, at the front of our house and i don't know how they found out but someone obviously went yep he dropped it off and they've gone up and confronted him now i've only heard about all this from the other neighbors but i think it's amazing this is this is this is amazing how they got to the bottom of so quick like how did this how did this much smaller version of a poodle shit turn up on my footstep and then they've tracked it is this contact tracing at its very best how did this much smaller version of a poodle shit turn up on my footstep?

And then they've tracked it. Is this contact tracing at its very best? Yeah. Neighbourhood watch has no bounds, mate. You've got to watch for everything. That's awesome. This is also, I presume, what, like a day or two into lockdown, just already deeply, deeply unravelling in this street. No, this happened a few weeks ago in fairness but

yes but it does always feel like in a neighborhood you're all getting along quite well but there is a tension there because ultimately you're in each other's space you know you you're kind of like family you know what i mean like this this um utopia is feels like it's going to break at any time and uh they went across they they confronted him, so I heard. And he's like, yeah, I did it because your dog crapped out the front of my house. So, yeah. And they were like, no, no, no, no.

Our dog would never do that. And we always pick it up. And I do believe them. I'm like, they always do. I've seen them. They always pick it up. And he's like, I don't care. Oh, everyone in this neighborhood's watching everyone's dog shit

by the sound of it. So, yeah, okay. Even you're in on it. Well, we just told each other, look, if you see a dude in a Liverpool shirt shit on your front lawn, let us know. Oh, that would be great. One of Carl's neighbours turning up with the bag going,

I believe this belongs to your dog. And me going, ruff ruff. I'm a big poodle. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to go down the supermarket and pick up a loaf of bread with that flour on top and just put it either end of my street. I'm like, that'll stop him. He'll just stop there.

He'll take what he needs and he'll run away. Oh, yeah, like Carl's the roadrunner. Yeah. Oh yeah, like Carl's the roadrunner. You get a brick wall and you paint a little tunnel with Thailand on the other side of it. Carl goes, smashes into it. So yeah, he said, I don't care. Yeah, this is my retribution.

They still don't believe their dog did it. But from what I hear, again, this is all conjecture on the street, but from what I hear, the couple then went to the police station and said, Oh, yes. Hey, this guy's put turd on our front doorstep. And you can imagine the cops are like, yeah. Okay. Cool.

Do you have a crime to report? Totally. Did someone stab the poo a crime to report? Totally. Did someone stab the poo? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, we'll give you Carl's number. Do you want to talk to him? And so that's where it's been at the moment. It's just hung in the air at the moment.

Wow. Not knowing if there's going to be police retribution, if there's going to be a door knock on the dad's door to be like, all right, mate, have you got any gloves hanging around with fecal matter on it? We need to see it. Like, is this like the OJ case?

Yeah. You can't, unless you're going to do a DNA test, you can't prove whose poo it was. And so the cop, even if they say it was actually illegal, what are they going to do? If it isn't my dog's shit, you must acquit, as they say. Exactly. And if someone came and put poo on my doorstep that was a dog's poo,

I would go over to their house and shit on their front doorstep. Hey, have I got some bread for you? Oh, God. That would be humiliating. Carl trying to do it as a form of retribution and just, like, squatting over on someone's doorstep and he just can't get it to happen. He's like, God, of all the times to not be able to go.

Yeah, this would be great if I lived in Thornton Street and people would just constantly say to me, what's this in revenge for, the way you shit on my doorstep? And I'm like, revenge? Oh, sure, yes, that's right. Revenge. Finally, I've got an excuse. Mind you, I like it that you're-

One man's bakery is another man's revenge. Yeah. I like it how Carl's like the heavy. You know, heavies come around and be like, hey, how about you just quit it with all the police reports? It's just Carl eating a sandwich and them going, okay, shots are fired. I get it. I get it.

He just has a bag and he's just eating a loaf are fired, I get it, I get it. He just has a bag and he's just eating a loaf of bread out of it with his hands. Yeah. I'm going to see him in five hours. It sure would be a shame

if this toast went into the wrong mouth, wouldn't it? Yeah, it would be a shame. Guys, he's got chickpeas. Chickpeas, I repeat, chickpeas. This isn't going to work out well. Well, that's interesting, Dave,

because I've got a drama happening in my neighbourhood as well. And by my neighbourhood, I mean in my flat, in my block of flats. And it's particularly coming to a head right now. Given that we're in lockdown and we're not sort of moving outside the house very much much so what's been happening in the last couple weeks is uh we're on the sort of ground floor and there's a couple floors above us and so there's a couple above us um that have a dog and we've seen them walk the dog and the dogs the dogs look you know

what the dog's probably bigger than it needs to be given that we're in small apartment buildings you notice people that have those bigger dogs and you just go what the fuck are you thinking how's this gonna fit how's the dog gonna love what breed what sort of breed are we talking it's i know look i don't know but it's one of those it's it's not a poodle it's twice the size of a poodle it's a good couple of feet high. Are we saying like Labrador sort of size, roughly? No, a little bit smaller than that. In between poodle and lab. Right.

You didn't do your research for this story? Go knock on their door and go, excuse me, I'm about to talk about you on my podcast. Can I just ask what breed of dog is this that you have? Not given what I'm about to say. I think if I went up and knocked on their door right now and asked about that, the game would be given away quite quickly because we're not on great talking.

What would you say? We're not in great terms at the moment, not in ideal terms. It's about to be a part in the story where you get the broomstick out and start banging on the roof. Oh, look, I would love to do that actually, but I think that would cause more problems than I already have, to be honest, because this is what's happening. So it's a bigger dog.

Now, what I can gather is, from when I've been outside looking up, they keep the dog on the balcony. Now, you've been on my balcony. My balcony's not that big. It's just like a little area where you can hang your washing out, and that's about it. So they keep the dog living there on that balcony. Now, this is the thing I've never really understood about dogs in apartments like you can have your cat in there you got the cat litter but when you have a dog is there dog litter how does that work

is there is there a thing called dog litter or what's the plan there you just take the dog out and the dog goes to the bathroom so you walk the dog i mean that's how the whole thorno neighborhood situation yes took off yeah if they if they had to put all shitting in a tub or whatever yeah yeah fine yeah okay you were you were asking rhetorically i thought that was a genuine question i was like the guy who's just told a 20 minute story about shitting outside doesn't get what you do with your dog if you live in an apartment building. I thought I was one step ahead of the dogs. I thought I'd come up with a brilliant idea that I could pass on to dogs.

So guys, if your dog would like to run at night on his own where would he shit? Where would he take said dog? You know what? I've never thought, when I go running at night, I should literally bring a Carly bag with me. That's what I should be night, I should literally bring a Carly bag with me. That's what I should be doing.

I should be bringing a little plastic bag with me. I never thought of that. Or you could run like a behavioral school for dogs where it's just people gathered around you with like 10 people with dogs and it's just you in the middle backing one out, making eye contact with all the dogs going, watch and learn Fido. This is how it's done.

See? Outside. Yeah. I'm getting my exercise in. I'm sh. Yeah. I'm getting my exercise in. I'm shitting outside. I'm basically the ideal dog. Someone should adopt me. Yeah.

I mean, like any good dog. Carl Rex Chandler. Yeah, get him neutered. Like, don't. Don't take him on board. Desex him, for God's sake. Yeah, yeah. So this dog lives upstairs.

So I thought, I've never owned a dog in these sort of confines. I would have thought you just have to bring the dog out whenever it needs to go nonstop. Now, what I've gathered is that that's not what these people do. That's not what my neighbors do or my upstairs neighbors do. Now, what happened is I've been sort of smelling a few off smells outside so i get a knock on the door and usually you get like a usually it's a it's a doorbell if someone's going to you know to talk to you or whatever but it's a pure knock on the door which means that someone's infiltrated the office the the building already so it's coming from within like oh that's weird

so it's my neighbor knocking on the door going oh can i just come and get this thing and i'm like what do you mean come and get this thing this is my house oh something dropped down from above oh okay all right and so this woman walks through my house he goes oh sorry about this sorry about this walks through opens my door onto the balcony and just picks up this mat that i'd never seen before i'd noticed i saw it out the corner my eye i was like oh that's a bit of rubbish that's floated in there or whatever. But it was this full mat. And I said, what are you doing? And she goes, oh, this thing, this is just my dog's piss mat.

Sorry about this. And it fell down into my balcony. Right. And it's sopping wet. Now, is this normal? Have you ever heard of this? Did she use the phrase piss mat? That's not your term in the story?

She called it a piss mat? Look, that's a good question. I can't remember. I sort of went into shock at that point. The piss mat is her husband's. That's in the bedroom. This is not a dog combination. Right, right.

She may not have said the word dog, actually. You're right. Maybe that's true. And also, this dog has had so much effort on its stream that it's kind of air-hockeyed it out on the front pool. Oh, right. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Like, it's gone for it and gone, oh, no, it's finally happened. Like a urinary puck. You know when, guys, you're alone at the urinal and you're like, I can get that to the other end. Is this like the difference between pissing in the pool and pissing into the pool? Like it was, the dog was inside the house, pissing out the door onto the mat.

And just moving it along, yeah. Like you aim for the little lollies in the toilet, in the urinal. Exactly. So she picks up this this dripping wet piss mat and and before i've had time to fucking exactly figure out what's going on she's like gone oh thanks for this and then left a bottle of wine on my counter and they've just taken off and i'm like yeah like what what hang on what's this wine for and she's like oh yeah you can just

keep this wine and i'm like i don't really want the wine she's like no on, what's this wine for? And she's like, oh, yeah, you can just keep this wine. And I'm like, I don't really want the wine. She's like, no, I insist you keep this wine. Well, that's not what I mean. Okay. But, you know, having said that, she's the sort of person that makes a dog piss on a mat. Like, I don't know if I'll, you know, maybe one of the dogs I guess the dog didn't have time.

Yeah, exactly. Maybe the dog didn't have time. The mat was full and she just had an open bottle and all of a sudden it's a cab sav i guess it's hard i guess it's hard to take this story right so it's a guy who lives below someone else and and they have a dog piss pad and the piss pad fell onto the guy's porch but that guy shits himself all the time so it's a really weird sort of dynamic. You're trying to shame someone else for doing something wrong when you're clearly the worst person in this story.

Look, that might be true if there was someone that lived below me and I was shitting onto them. There's no victim to my shitting crimes as far as I'm aware at the moment. You're shitting out the front of people's houses At least you got a bottle of wine out of it You need to go back to those people Whose houses you've shat out the front of And give them a bottle of Johnny Walker or something

No explanation Right Did you knock off the bottle of wine And then go upstairs Where's your piss pad You wanted this of wine and then go upstairs and go, where's your piss pad? Where's your piss pad? There we go. You wanted this! What goes around comes around.

The only thing I can think of is that are they gone a lot and so they need to have a place for the dog? No. No, I see them all the time. And the thing is, I told my wife, and then she's like, oh, you need to go and talk to that gay guy upstairs. And I'm like, what do you mean, the gay guy?

Oh, yeah, that gay guy lives up there. And so I keep seeing him. He's not gay. I don't know why I can't convince my wife that he's not gay. But every time I talk about it, he's got a wife. They go out walking together. And she's always like, yeah, he's got a wife. They go out walking together. And she's always like, yeah, you've got to go and set that gay guy straight. I'm like, why do you think he's gay?

There's nothing that's not come up in any way. I don't know why you have to keep saying this. This again, this is so locked down. Like, celeb gossip isn't enough. It's like you've got to just like new idea style about the apartment building. Did you hear about the piss mat guy? I heard he's gay. Jesus.

So that's what's happened. And so I'm like – you know, my wife comes home. I'm like, man, this is what happened. The wife of the gay guy upstairs – he upstairs he's not gay but anyway i just say that so she knows what i'm talking about so hey the the piss mat they've got a piss man and fell down and she goes crazy because it's a very small limited area this little balcony she's like that's disgusting that's insane so we know of the creation of the piss mat now what's happened from then on in is every couple of days, like we've been walking out and going, man, this smells really bad. Like the piss mat must be back.

And then there's no piss mat. But what we've noticed is that there's some sort of hole upstairs. Oh, no. And the piss mat is continually leaking into our balcony every day. Oh, no. And there is spatter of dog piss all over our balcony where we hang our washing up and where we go out. And especially in lockdown where you like to give yourself a little break

and you walk outside and go, oh, no, no, I'm happy with Cabin Fever, actually. I think I'll go and lock myself in the fucking bathroom. I have to say it's nice to hear that because knowing you and spending a lot of time with you, I have been noticing the smell, so it's nice to have an explanation for it because I thought old age was really hitting.

Yeah, that's just the laundry, the piss mat going onto my laundry. That's the excuse there. Tommy, I like it how he's an accountant now. You meet up with your accountant and he's like, have you got any... Oh, no, you smell like piss and shit. You probably didn't get paid this year.

We'll be good. I'll tell you what you can claim. You can claim that you fucking stink. That's what you can claim. I've never heard of this before. And just for context, this is incredibly lazy dog ownership already. But also, your apartment building is directly opposite from a big park. So this is just...

Yes. I can understand maybe needing the piss mat for emergencies. You know, if you're out for long periods of time or whatever. But it seems like they're using this as the default when if you own a dog in an apartment building that's fine but you have to accept that you're gonna have to be out at the park a lot like a fucking lot and it sounds like you actually don't if it's a big dog you actually don't need to take the dog to piss that much it's like three times a day like you really don't like they're just being fucking lazy is yeah it sounds like the one thing they're not being lazy about is how much water they're feeding to the dog because you're making it sound

like it's fucking niagara falls in your apartment block just piss just cascading down at all hours of the day honestly honestly i've been looking at it going, man, are they saving this up for me? Or how's this working? Like, there's so much of it. Most hydrated dog in Hawthorne. Yeah, yeah. I'm looking at the mess and going, now, is this one piss? How many pisses is this?

I'm literally trying to figure out how this works. There's so much of it. I've got to be honest, Carl. I feel the most sorry for her in this whole situation is your partner. Because she's got a child and a partner shitting their pants and she's cleaning all those clothes and then hanging them out and those clothes are then getting pissed on by the neighbours. This woman has every right to lose her goddamn mind during this lockdown.

Yeah. It's lockdown, so Carl's sitting up late watching Thai webcams and then there's a sus white patch on the couch that she has to clean up in the morning as well. It's just excretions galore at Chandler Manor. Yeah. Pad Thai or piss pad? Which one do you want to order? Yeah, piss pad Thai.

Yeah, yeah, right. So this is happening, and my wife's going crazy crazy and I'm like, fair enough. And she's like, you're the man of the house. You have to go upstairs and talk to him. I'm like, fuck. Okay, well, I don't really know what number apartment it is. And she's like, I know what it is. It's this number.

You go up there now. I'm like, ah, fuck. Okay. And so I go up there and knock on the door and I'm like, oh, well, that's two seconds. I better just go downstairs. They're obviously not home. And I get halfway through down the stairs and the gay guy opens up the door and he's like, hey, what's going on? What's going on?

I'm like, oh, fuck. So I have to go back up there. And I'm like, you know, it's a difficult conversation to be like. Absolutely. Yeah. Man, I think your dog is pissing downstairs. I don't know what your piss mat situation is, but your wife came and got that piss mat the other day,

and I can't help but notice that since then, I don't know whether you chucked it out or whatever it is, but there's been a lot of dog piss coming down into our property. And he's like, nah, that doesn't sound like our dog. Like, we've got it all worked out. I'm like, I don't know who's pissing in my fucking on my balcony it's got to be coming from somewhere and he's like he's arguing with me i'm like man you it's it's just simple gravity where else unless someone else's dog is pissing above yours and then it's missing your apartment and

it's coming straight down to my apartment this is your dog i don't again again i've said this on another thing but i don't want to have to dust for piss prints but i'm pretty sure it's it's your dog it's your fucking dog that this is coming from so it's like i love this guy i love this guy just digging his heels in no sweetie i'm a budget i'm a budget on this and then he's like and he's like oh look, oh, look, I'll look at it. I'll look at it, but, you know, I'm pretty sure it's not my dog because, you know, we've got a system. I'm like, man, the system is you piss onto a mat.

I don't know if that's a full system or not. I said, look, honestly, I don't want to stand here and argue with a man over dog piss, but if you could really help me out, it fucking stinks. It's going all over our wall, and it's going all over our wall and it's going all over the floor as well and there's a fair bit of it if you could look into it that'd be fucking great and he's like oh well i can i'll see what i can do and so then like we go like a day with no piss i think i think all the guys done is basically told the dog to hold it in maybe

that's about it because it lasted like a day and the next day, it is fucking a gusher once again. It is erupted. Mount Dogpiss has fucking gone off. Yeah, the dog was backed up from that one day, and now it's just going for it. The Mount Vesuvius of Dogpiss has fucking erupted. It's come down. There's some sort of hole in the in there in our

roof their floor whatever it is i don't know i don't understand it but you can see it because like he'll be like man it's probably just water and i'm like dude it i've had to go back up there and complain again it's happening again he goes will you again like i've i've fixed it there's a tube situation now i've got a tube there i've've got like a series of tubes on my balcony that carry the dog piss. Don't have your dog piss on the balcony. What the fuck is happening? It's not a fucking piss place. Dave, and for the listeners, I cannot stress how close this park is from Carl's house.

I reckon from door to grass, probably 90 seconds. Honestly, like this, like rigging up a tube system. Who comes up with a tube? What the fuck? A tube system? What, is your dog putting his dick in a tube now? What the fuck is happening? Holy shit.

What's the name of the guy that came up with all those drawings of like the, you know, not the drawings, but like the pulley system and all those crazy things. Rube Goldberg. Yeah, it's like he's got a Rube Goldberg system of dog poos upstairs. Rube Gold and Showerberg. That's a funny mea culpa too. He's like, it's not my dog. And then the next day he set up something like mousetrap to try and walk around it. I reckon you know it was your dog, mate.

Just this guy being like, Sir, I regularly drug test my dog to make sure he's not high. I am an expert in capturing his piss and making sure none spills out of the little cup. I know what I'm doing. What if the turnaround was him going, Oh, that's not dog piss going down your balcony, honey. That's my piss.

I've been pissing off the balcony to teach you a lesson. Stop me from fucking coming up here, telling me how to live my life and raise my dog. How embarrassing is that to have a big pulley and tube system just for dog piss and then it still doesn't work? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got all these fucking contraptions up there. He's got a little nodding bird that's putting his beak in the dog piss

and everything just to make it a bit of fun as well and it's still not working. You're going to you're gonna see this guy on shark tank in a couple of months and he's gonna get like millions in investments just dunking on you on national tv yeah yeah and then i'll turn up and go just as i go to give him like ten thousand dollars it'll be this big reveal the door will open and all the smoke will come out and then it'll be me going, well, well, well, so you're about to give this man $10,000 for the foolproof dog piss system. Well, I've got something to say about that.

That's when it all falls apart. You walk in, you're just dripping. You walk in, you're just dripping. If only there was some sort of thing where you could set up a tube where you are and have it go back up onto his balcony. Oh, hell yes. A snorkel system. Hell yes. Yes.

Yes. Dog pee snorkel system. That's great. Like that tap out the front of Ripley's Believe It or Not where the water's going down and up at the same time. You just buy that off them to filter the piss back up. That's right. I know where it's coming from.

I know the little bit that it's coming from as well. Yeah, fuck. I could do that. So it's happened a bunch of times. I've gone up there and argued with him, and then he's gone. And he's getting really annoyed at me now. And it's like, man, don't get mad at me. I'm the one getting pissed on.

It's not my fault. I'm not up there. I don't have a drill or something, and I'm fucking drilling holes in my roof to get more of the sweet fucking nectar that your dog's got in its dick like i don't want this to happen don't get mad at me get mad at fucking don't get mad at me i'm the one getting pissed on words to live by chuck that on a t-shirt that's beautiful man yeah yeah don't don't piss on my back and tell me it's not your dog. That's what I say. So I've gone twice now, and then after the second time again, it's happened.

I reckon we got a good week out of it. I'm like, fuck yeah, a bit of authority from the Chan man. I think this has worked. Anyway, as soon as we go into lockdown, I don't know whether the dog's been pissing more because it's been locked down, whether they think the dog isn't allowed outside at all because of lockdown. I don't know whether the dog's been pissing more because it's been locked down, whether they think the dog isn't allowed outside at all because of lockdown. I don't know what's happening, but it's fucking erupted again. It is erupted at the time I need it at least when we're not, when I just want to go out for a bit of fresh air,

and instead I go out to a fucking yellow-looking balcony. It is absolutely no good. I'm passing him and his wife in the street and his wife has gone from giving me free wine to now not even looking me in the eye not talking to me as i walk past her he's got the massive shits up about me again i'm like i'm not the bad guy in this situation i complained about being pissed on and now i've got the cold shoulder mate by the looks of things from what i gather uh she gave you the bottle of wine to try and dry the the dog out because it's just been on the piss absolutely like every day and now it's just back on at least a bottle or two bottles of

wine a day and the dog is just munted trying to piss out the balcony or she's thinking typically people if they're going to experiment with a bit of golden shower work they'd want to be a bit drunk right so she's thinking polish off this wine go out onto the balcony you'll kind of love it you'll enjoy honestly open your mind up it's a really liberating experience it isn't the dog it's yeah it's them trying to spruce things up in a boudoir. Fair enough. Carl, you now know what it's like to live with Trumpers. Right.

Everything about what you're saying is what America is, people pissing all over you and then being like, what the fuck's your problem? Right. Right. Well, now, so this is what's happened now so i think i think my wife is like you know she thinks i haven't done like i don't know what she thinks i'm doing when i go up to talk to them but but because you're not you're not being you're not being uh an aggressive enough man

oh no she knows i'm doing that she that's why she sent me up there she i think she i think she thinks i'm not getting the point across she thinks i'm the guy that that's why she sent me up there she i think she i think she thinks i'm not getting the point across she thinks i'm the guy that just yells at strangers so she's like i'm the attack dog so she thinks i'll send i'll send him up and maybe that'll scare them into fixing the problem so then i think she thinks now oh shit they need to be reasoned with so then the other day she went up there oh it was, she's left me out of the equation. And so then... That spicy Italian temper.

No, no. Well, the opposite. She wants to be, you know, she's a good cop. Good cop, yeah. Yeah. So she didn't tell me and then she comes back and she's like, oh, I talked to the neighbours and I was like, oh, you mean the piss mat mat people and she's like yeah i said what what happened she's like oh no i just went and made my point you know you know i did the stuff that you weren't doing you know you've got to explain to them what the situation is i'm like what part of what have i missed out i said the dog's pissing and it's coming downstairs it's it's it's now in our place what else is there what have i left out of that fucking story? And she's like, well, I told them, you know, I said to them, like, you know, that piss is coming down.

And we won't have it because it's hitting our laundry and we have a baby. And I just explained to them, you know, our baby walks around and we don't want dog piss to go onto our baby. And I'm like, well, that's a good point. I forgot about that. I should have underlined that point. piss to go onto our baby? And I'm like, well, that's a good point. I forgot about that. I should have underlined that point. Wait, we have a baby? We don't want dog piss on our baby. I forgot.

That might have been the thing that made them continue to let it go. Yeah, yeah. Daddy's running short shit is what she's fine with. There's dog piss now. They're thinking that dickhead down there is all blah, blah, short shit is what she's fine with. This dog piss, no. They're thinking that dickhead down there is all blah, blah, blah. We hate the dog piss. They're thinking, yeah, but the baby loves it. Anyway, now that it's been explained that the baby doesn't want the dog piss on its head.

Get the baby to go up. Get the baby to go up. Knock on the door and go, I hate this. And go, wow, her first words. That's how much she's fucking offered. Yeah, yeah, yeah. First steps and first words. We're coming up here and saying.. Yeah, yeah, yeah. First steps and first words were coming up here and saying. No more wee-wee.

No more wee-wee. It's technically only three, not four words. It's one word repeated, but still. So has it worked? Has that line of defense worked? You know what? So this is the weird thing now, right? So we've got into this insane habit now of going out onto our balcony

to look for piss every day right we go out there to look for the piss and now when we think we find it we're every day we're going up and we're going i think that might be piss and then every day we we put our faces to the piss to smell we go out every day like we're we're fucking sniffer dogs at the airport to i'm i'm putting my nose up to piss every day to to smell if there go out every day like we're fucking sniffer dogs at the airport. I'm putting my nose up to piss every day to smell if there's been a dog piss on our house or not. But here's the tricky

thing. So I've been doing that. I don't know what they're doing up there. But I reckon the dog has still been pissing. I'm still thinking we're getting pissed. How have you found a more disgusting hobby than shitting in the street? Here's the thing. This might be the Shark Tank episode. I reckon the dog is still pissing downstairs onto our house,

but I'm smelling it and it doesn't smell anymore. So I reckon they've mixed something in with the dog piss. Maybe I've got COVID, yeah. I reckon what they've done is they've given up on the tube system, they've given up on the pulleys, and they've fed the dog something or they've mixed something into the dog piss that's made it odorless. So the dog is now, we're getting all this, we're still getting all this liquid come down. And it's not water because it's staining.

It's winter. It's been raining. It doesn't smell anymore. What, they're feeding their dog like car air fresheners and going, that'll do it? Yes, maybe. Maybe. Maybe they've put Glen 20 inside the dog's water bowl or something like that. And now it's coming down and it's odourless.

So they've got around it somehow because I can't really, I can't go back up and go, hey, your dog's pissed. And they'll probably go, well, give us a smell. And I'm like, well, I can't do that because it doesn't smell like it. And they're like, well, take it to the cops. No jury convict us in the world. So they sort of got me over a barrel at the moment, I think. I mean, not to – rain is odourless piss. It's the Lord's odourless piss.

It's not rain. I've seen rain before. I've smelt rain before. This isn't rain. This isn't rain, okay? I mean, this... What rain makes a stain on the floor? It's not...

Look, I'll take this Zoom call outside, and I'll show you the stained floor. Okay. Rain doesn't stain. Hey, I'm not the weak-blooded dog here, okay? Yeah, yeah. You're attacking me. This is such a deranged theory,

but I really hope it's true, because them doing all these tests and research into how to get their dog to do odorless piss instead of just taking it to the park, again, I would just fucking love these people for going to all that effort. I'm all for the invention of odorless dog piss, okay? I just don't want to be the guy that they've had to experiment on this whole time, okay? If it was just a finished product, great. Well done everyone. Fucking you've done it. You've

got the vaccine for smelly dog piss. But I don't need to be ground zero, okay? I don't need to be the sucker that's fucking been tried out on, okay? Yeah, but everyone says that, not in my backyard, but change needs to occur, okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is the way it works. Maybe we'll get feedback from listeners who've been in this position for whatever reason or a lot of events that might know. This has never happened to anyone ever. What about this? So Lou Gehrig's disease, he had that named after him if they if they patent this i've got to get my name in there somehow because i'm the like lou gehrig he suffered from lou gehrig's disease right i i'm the one suffering here this whatever this invention is

whatever this vaccine is i got to get my name put on this thing chandler's odorless piss i mean they could have yeah maybe to do you a favor maybe they used to be feeding the dog lots of asparagus and they've just cut that out. Like, they've just gone, we can't stop the flow of piss, but we can just change the dog's diet. Right. The dog's still going to knock off two bottles of Savvy B,

but we just can't get asparagus in late night on Uber Eats, okay? You have to pick out spots. I don't know what that is. Did you just do an Australian thing? You just said something I didn't get. Oh, Sauvignon Blanc. Ah! Yeah.

Savvy B, my friend. Okay, you ready? How can I make my dog's pee not stink? Opt for baking soda. Baking soda naturally neutralizes odors. Oh, they say sprinkle it on the area. So maybe they're sprinkling baking soda all over the

area and the dog is pissing on it. No, like down onto your balcony. All over their balcony. All over their balcony. Dog pisses on the baking soda and then it goes down. Oh yeah. Maybe they cut off

the pass and put the baking soda straight on the dog's dick so as soon as the piss comes out, it's neutralized straight away. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. In fairness, that sounds like a weird theory, but when you've just set up an entire plumbing system to try and help the dog piss on a balcony, it's probably not

a big bridge to cross to be like, I'm powdering his dick. I'm powdering his dick. Well, you know where this ends. This ends with Chandler in the basement of his apartment building going through the bins looking for bicarb soda packets. Oh! There we go.

I'm not insane! I'm not insane. I'm not insane. Just covered in banana peels and fucking rotting gum. I'm mad and I knew it. And then going, oh man, you smell better than last lockdown. That's weird. What would be so amazing is if in like a month, they take their dog on a long walk and they're walking by a bush and they just find you shitting behind the bush. And then they just, without a word, they just casually start sprinkling baking soda onto my shit.

And they just keep walking. No. In my mind, you're having the shit lock eyes on you and go, I know you put baking soda in your dog's cock. I know you do.

Okay, mate. Yeah. Yeah. At least I'm doing this out in the great outdoors. Hey, at least my wife takes me for a walk. Hey.

Actually, maybe that's it. Maybe like, I don't know, like a year ago, there was a Freaky Friday thing during our long lockdown in Melbourne where your bladder swapped with the dog's bladder. And now all you can think is, I want to shit in the great outdoors.

And that dog's just like, all I want is a plumbing system. Yeah, there was that big electrical storm six months ago. That does make a lot of sense. And I do remember wishing I could lick my dick right when the lightning struck. That's Carl's howling into the moon. That's what I'm talking about. Has Carl's life ever not been completely fucking insane?

no, this is him it's everyone else, it's not me, these are things happening to me I'm not doing, well I mean I could do all this shit this one yeah, this is a rare one where you're just kind of like trapped in the eye of the hurricane this is a rare one that's like you haven't really provoked it in any way

other than going and making the very reasonable request of saying, don't piss on me. But I still, yeah, there's more to this story. I don't know how we can get to the bottom of this, but yeah, there's one or two things that aren't really adding up here that there must be an explanation for. And Dave, I really like it at the start of this podcast,

Carl was all like, oh, what are you going to talk about? People falling down a well in 1942 and ragging on your format. And then we crack our knuckles and we'll show you how the Antipodeans do it. And we've just talked about shitting and pissing for the last 50 minutes. Yeah, exactly. You should take some lessons, Dave. Yeah, exactly. You should take some lessons, Dave.

Talk about the time when George Washington shit his pants or George Bernard Shaw pissed in his bed or something. This is life without the vaccine, baby. I never want to get the jab. I can imagine it. This week when FDR needed a bedpan. Let's go. The dollop does sound like what we should be called, actually, after all my shitting stories.

Right. It sounds like more our title. Right, yeah. All right, let's wrap it up there for another week on the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Dave Anthony, Dave Thornton, thank you so much for joining us. Dave Anthony, people can check out The Dollop, your podcast with Gareth Reynolds

and you guys are going to be out here doing a big tour of the country in October, in mid-October. I think pretty much everywhere in the country,

right? Maybe not Tasmania? Yeah, pretty much. Not Tasmania, but all the other ones. Right, right. You're coming down, you're doing quarantine.

You're in Perth a couple of days after we do our live podcast in Perth, hopefully. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Oh, fuck. That means it's going to be locked down. Oh, no. No.

Hey, don't worry. Don't worry, Dave. Maybe we can go into lockdown together and I'll get an apartment just above your one. Oh, yeah. That should work go into lockdown together and I'll get an apartment just above your one. Oh, yeah. That should work out pretty well, I reckon. Don't you guys think that by then you'll be like vaccinated people can just come into our country?

Like, why aren't you guys doing vaccine passports? No fucking chance, brother. It's so dumb. You'll tell You'll be able to notice when we are Because I won't be doing this from this bedroom I'll be doing it from fucking Thailand dude So yeah

You'll know You'll know when we can leave the country That'll be me first day Are you guys going to have to do the hotel quarantine at this stage? Are you going to have to do the two weeks before the shows? Unless that they put into place a vaccine passport, which I know has been discussed, then yeah, we'll have to do the quarantine.

Wow. Okay, well, yeah, hopefully you don't go too crazy on social media while you're in there for the two weeks. Yeah, that'll definitely happen. Get tickets for those shows and check out the dollop. Dave Thornton, you've got a couple of podcasts, right? Yeah, whether they're still recording, who knows?

But I will say if things are still, well, they do fix themselves, I'll be performing up at the Brisbane Comedy Festival because it's been moved to July this year other than its usual March. So I'll be down there at the Tivoli, I think on the 30th and 31st of July. Me and my mutilated ghoulies will be coming up there at the end of July. And then I'll also, by the looks of things, be performing at the Geelong Performing Arts Centre if all things go well at the start of August. So yeah, get onto my socials, Dave underscore for all that info.

We'll be up in Brisbane doing a live podcast as well around that time. So those tickets are on sale at the moment. Oh, my God. Brisbane's getting shut down too. What the fuck? Shut up. Shut the fuck up. All right.

I've got to put my mask on and go and get some lunch. So let's wrap this up. It's a beautiful day in paradise. Guys, thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. I've got to use the piss mat, so... See you, mate.

And they've done it again. Oh, it's good. It's good to be back away from other people on the show. Just in my little bedroom saying to my wife, can you leave me alone? I've got to do my little show now. Can you just not knock on the door? I know the spaghetti's cooking for lunch,

but can you just leave it on the counter? And I'll come out when it's ready. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Had spaghetti for lunch in but can you just leave it on the counter? And I'll come out when it's ready. Yeah. Oh, very nice. Had spaghetti for lunch. That's not bad. In between the real episode and this thing, I went out and had a little spaghetti lunch. What sauce?

What sauce are we talking? I bought a sauce from the supermarket from my IGA that was like, you know, one of these gourmet little sort of real Italian things. And they had their, you know, it's like a pudinesca and, you know, one of these gourmet little sort of real Italian things. And they had their, you know, it's like a pudinesca and, you know, whatever else. And then this one, it just said vodka. Like, all right, I guess I'm getting a vodka sauce, whatever that is. Yeah, I've had vodka sauce.

It's good. It's just like, it's just tomato, right? But it's got a little tang to it. So, yeah, you basically like like, you make a Napoli and then you just pour a shitload of vodka into it and I guess the, like, alcohol kind of evaporates out or whatever and then it leaves behind, like, a little tang, a little nice little tang in there, I think.

Well, I mean, I just want to say the vodka didn't evaporate, alcohol didn't evaporate out of this one. And I just want to say two things to you, Tommy. I love you and fuck you looking at cunt so you got blind you got blind off your spaghetti lunch yeah just um in the car getting breath owed over the limit sorry i had a huge lunch i was starving i haven't been drinking a few shots of bolognese mate sorry about that didn't yeah Didn't think about it. Got a bit carried away. It's Tuesday lunch.

Big business lunch. I mean, I'm driving from my house to nowhere since we're in lockdown, so I don't really know what my excuse is. Oh, you could be getting a jab. You could be getting the vaccine. Imagine that. Imagine getting pulled over on your way to get the vaccine for being drunk and then being chucked in the divvy van and losing your licence and just being like, I'm trying to do the right thing.

I'm trying to get vaccinated. And then you go to jail, which is filled with COVID. Yes. Because if you have COVID, you're breaking the law. So they put you in jail. So it's just teeming with COVID. And so you go there and you die. It's a little death sentence.

I hope that doesn't happen. But how was the Voddy sauce? Was it good? Look, I'll be honest. It was pretty good, but I was a bit full from, again, like we were talking about on the real deal, on the big episode. I had more of that bread. Okay and I filled myself up on that. And also it had the desired effect on me.

So now I've been to the toilet as well. So I didn't really, really feel like having spaghetti, I'll be honest. Fuck, it's been a huge day for you already. It's only 2.30 and you're just knocking back loaves and spags, doing a potty, hitting the tot. I know, I know. So once we finish this, I've got a couple of hours to go until I have to go and pick up my child from childcare.

And so I've got a couple of little hours to get a few jobs done. Wow, she's violating the lockdown by going to childcare. No, no. It's all above board. I hope they don't raid the daycare and give her a fine. Yeah, yeah. She's the only one there. She's an anti-masker.

She's a two-year-old anti-masker. She's in there by herself doing daycare. Yeah, so I've got to go here. So I've got a couple of little special hours to do some little, you know, not so much me time, but if you get a little few jobs on the go, I reckon. So it's good.

I mean, look, for you, mate, you wouldn't understand. You're not a parent. You know, all your time is me time. All it is is you saving Zelda fucking 24-7. That's it. Me, mate, I'm a fucking, I'm a parent. That was you two years ago.

That was you two years ago living it up. Look, I've got to squeeze all of my pants shitting, you know, hours into a certain period during the day. I can't just shit my pants any time I want. That's it. I've got to find special. Once the baby goes down, okay, release the bowels. But it's all got to be coordinated these days.

Yeah. Well, good luck. That's all I can say because I'm over here living the dream, living the child-free lifestyle, jetting off to Paris whenever I feel like it. Ah, yes. Gay Paris. Gay Paris. Gay Paris.

Yep. That's why I go because I've heard the rumours in the nickname. Is it better to – because you can say Gay Paris, but can you just say I'm going to Gay Paris? You've got to call Paris to get away with it, don't you? Maybe you do. You can't be on a game show and be like capital of France. Is it Gay Paris? you? Maybe you do. You can't be on a game show and be like, capital of France. Is it gay Paris?

It doesn't sound right. Well, I would imagine even if you answered gay Paris, you wouldn't get the point if you were on a game show. I think they'd be looking for the actual name, not a colloquial. Like you couldn't say, oh, yeah, what's this country where Scott Morrison's the prime minister of? Fucking Australia, mate. You're not getting a point for that.

Or gay Australia. Yeah, you can't say that. But are there other countries that are other countries gay? Yeah. Maybe. Is that the only gay country? Hello, Dr. Carl. Yeah, big fan.

Tune in every week. So they call it Gay Paris. Are there other countries that are gay? Cities. Yeah. They don't even say Gay San Fran, you know. it Gay Paris, are there other countries that are gay? Cities, yeah. They don't even say Gay San Fran, you know. There's something special about Paris. Maybe it has to be the capital.

Maybe that's the Gay Canberra. Oh, that's good. That's not catchy, but I still like it. Gay Canberra. Gay Canby. Peter Harvey, Gay Canberra. I did, in case my wife is listening, she did walk past before and did have a good listen to what we were talking about before,

including the bit where I detailed what she did with the neighbours. And I walked out and she was like, can you not tell everyone that stuff? So if everyone can just keep that to themselves. And especially, but there used to be listeners in this building. So I hope there's not any listeners in this building anymore. What if it's them? Imagine if it's the couple, the gay guy and his wife. Well, you know, if you want me to cut it out,

normally, you know, we've been getting, for whatever weird reason, so we are back in lockdown, as we talked about on the episode. We're doing this remotely. So I'm back to having to do more editing of stitching these Zoom episodes together, which I'm not really out of practice with because over the last few months, for whatever reason, especially the live episodes in Melbourne, we were on a real hot streak of people saying litigious stuff or stories that had to be edited out.

So it's been a good thing that while we're out of lockdown, I've managed to keep my skills pretty sharp. But anyway, now that I'm back into that, it's no issue to edit it all out if you want and the episode can just go for eight minutes. Great. Awesome. No, I think it's okay. But yeah, everyone can just – yeah, if there's any – there was listeners in this building.

But it would be funny if these guys were listeners themselves. My wife – don't say her name. She just said – how I said that they've been ignoring me on the street. She said, yeah, that's happening to me too. They've been right next to me and they've been ignoring me on the street. She said, yeah, that's happening to me too. They've been right next to me and they've been ignoring me. Right. Okay. So, yeah, it's not just me.

We've got the shits with both of us. Why was she annoyed at that story, about her involvement in the story being brought out? Because I think she comes off fine in it. Yeah. You know what? Normal people just don't want to be involved in all these insane stories about dog piss maybe i don't know you know it's different

different for us but um but normal people are just like can we can you just not talk about me if there's going to be a bunch of men laughing about babies being pissed on or whatever is going on some people just don't want to be talked about regardless of what the context is. Don't say my name. Don't say anything I did. That's the full name. Don't give any details about me whatsoever. Make people think that I'm imaginary.

Yes. Yes. Exactly. So, yeah, if everyone can just sealed section that up in their head and not tell my upstairs. If you ever find out where I live, don't immediately look upstairs and then go up there and ask them about my wife. That'd be great. What do you think would happen if they did hear this episode,

if the neighbours caught wind of it and had a listen? What do you think their response would be? Well, it'd be nice for them to catch wind of something for once instead of us. Yeah, yeah. Look, I just think they would – look, the wife isn't looking or talking to me. I think probably the husband.

The husband would probably just go off me, or the partner, or the gay neighbour, whatever we're calling him. Whatever, yeah. Gay Pari himself upstairs, he would just stop giving me the nod or the eye contact. I think it would just be completely off. And the tubes would be gotten rid of.

It would just be, yeah, absolute waterfall from then on. Yeah, yeah. There'd be no courtesy given whatsoever. Yeah. No middle man. No, no. just straight piss just like just like vegas you know those those big ones out the front of you know caesar's palace or whatever where just every hour on the hour this is the huge waterfall thing there'd be colored piss streaming down

yeah um two o'clock in the morning three o'clock in the morning four o'clock in the morning, three o'clock in the morning, four o'clock in the morning. Bit of a light show. Yeah. I'd prefer that not to happen. I'll keep you guys updated what happens, if anything. But yeah, that's what's happening in Hawthorne, Tommy. How's your neighbours going? Mine are fine my i mean my one upstairs is always like stomping around a lot me and my girlfriend can't work out what's going on like all that and before lockdown as well like for months now all hours of the morning you just hear lots of like very loud

walking around and it's like we we just can't work out what the fuck she's doing up there. But I mean that. Oh, man. The people who live above me keep walking around. Yeah, these fucking neighbors that don't just sit in one chair for 24 hours a day. It's insane. It's really, really loud stomping. Like it's not just walking.

It's like walking, like, yeah, it's hard to convey how loud the stomping is. So I don't get it. It's like moving around is one thing, sure, but it's, yeah, it's this very loud clomping at all hours of the night, which obviously pales in comparison to what you're dealing with. Oh, bring on the stomping. Well, I mean, the piss isn't waking you up, I wouldn't assume. Like this is loud enough to wake you up if you're falling asleep.

Yeah, and it's happening at like 2, 3 a.m. Oh, that's not good. Yeah, it's really strange. It's really bizarre. And there has been points where I have contemplated going and doing the knock on the door and not even being like, look, I get it. I'm not trying to tell you to alter how you're living your life. You've got to walk around. You're doing what you're doing.

That's fine. Just out of curiosity, I want to know. What's with the clomping? What the fuck's going on? Where are you walking with such loud purpose at three in the morning? What's your guess? Like, I don't know. I really, really don't know.

Because it's also like knowing that our apartments are the same layout. And, you know, because you can kind of hear through the roof, like where she is. I'm like, what? She's just like stomping her way over to get a glass of water like she's walking with that much purpose to just fill up some a cup of water at the tap she's she's just like clomping her feet as hard as she can to walk over to play with all the japanese toys and then she's turning around and stamping her way over to get to the masturbation desk and knock one out there like Like, it makes no sense.

Why do that so loudly? Well, there's no, you know this, there's no masturbation desk here. It's a kitchen table that doubles as the masturbation desk. Oh, okay, right, sorry. It's the masturbation dining room table. The great irony would be is, because I've got headphones on, I can't really tell how loud I'm actually being. The great irony would be is if she can hear this conversation and midway through, she

comes down and knocks on my door and goes, number one, keep it down. Number two, here's what I'm doing up there when I'm stomping around. I'm an escort for men who like to be dominated and I'm stomping on their little dickies while they lie down on my floor in the nude. Does that answer your question, genius? There's multiple. Wow. There's several of them.

Man, that's awesome. Yeah. That's – yeah. Okay. All right. Look, that would be the ideal answer. And that would also be the ideal – that would be the ideal answer for what's happening in my situation as well.

Just got a lot of clients over here that like for my dog to piss on them. Sorry if there's a bit of overflow. Oh, okay. I kind of, last lockdown I got told off for playing my drums and that's kind of scared me off doing it all that much. But I feel like now there's been so much stomping that I've kind of like, I've built up. I've built up like a decibel. Yeah, yeah.

I've built up a decibel reserve where it's like, no, I'm entitled to this now. You, yeah. I've built up a decibel reserve where it's like, no, I'm entitled to this now. You're kidding. Every stomp is an extra beat on the snare that I'm entitled to. Oh, no, it's a couple. So I'm just saving up every footstep, making a list that's this many beats

that buys me one round of this song. There's this many beats in it and I'm ready to go. Yeah. Six or seven stomps equals a song for sure so they've complained about your noise and you haven't complained back oh that's incredible that's a game changer it's but it's a hard way like loud music is is an easy one because you'd go turn that down but when it's like what's the argue like when it's me going you're walking too loud it's like yeah that's great you know what i mean like i i it's me going, you're walking too loud. It's like, you know what I mean?

It's one of those things where it's like, why complain about it? Because I know how this conversation goes. Them going, what are you telling me? I can't walk around in my own apartment. It's like, what defense have I got? I can't say anything. I love that. They come down and go, you've been turned down, smoke on the water.

And you go, yeah, but you've been travelling within your room, so I think we're even. That's good. You may have noticed what I was drumming along to was these boots are made for walking, which funnily enough seems like that's a fair bit of what you're doing up there, walking around in these big, heavy boots because i have been up all night thanks to you yeah i've been down here playing the soundtrack to lay miss on the drums whereas you've been up there doing the soundtrack to stomp so yes you know i guess guess we're even oh you river dance down those steps to fucking kind and knock on my door, did you? Good for you. So, yeah, yeah.

But I don't know. Yeah, I was saying to you after we did the episode that it's like you, you know, you move out, you get out of a housemate situation and when you do that, you know, you've had your little like run-ins over, you know, dishes and all those sorts of little things that annoy you about housemates and that get in the way and people argue over. And you think that's the end of it. But if you're in an apartment building,

you still have all that stuff in some way with your neighbours. But it's worse because it's not someone that you know that you can just go, hey, man, can you not fucking leave your shit lying around? It's like you've got to go knock on a stranger's door. It's like, God, it makes you wish for the the ease of just being able to fucking leave a passive aggressive note on the fridge yeah yeah yeah absolutely i i i don't know anyone in this building i don't know anyone's name um i think my wife sort of says hello to a couple of people but i'm

you know dr carl's got face blindness i don't quite have that but i've got i've got i just don't pay attention so i'll see someone five times and my wife would be like you know that person i'm like never seen him before in my life and she's like we said hello to them twice yesterday okay i just didn't take it in like is anyone like friends with people in their apartment buildings or is that just like a very 90s sitcom way of looking at the world? Like does that really happen? Funnily enough, Thornow that we were just talking to, he was telling me that he's sort of friends with about three or four houses in a row.

Like they're all sort of young parents and they all get along. Yeah, but I think a street is a bit different, like a street that's like a little neighborhood where yeah of course if you've all got kids i think that changes it um totally but i mean more like the idea of like a you know like a friends scenario like a you know being you know friends with the people that live across you in the hallway like i don't know i can't imagine anyone in this getting together. Maybe everyone in this building is hanging out and having parties and just not inviting me. Maybe that's what all the stomping is upstairs. Maybe my upstairs neighbour is a great host to everyone

in the building except me. Yeah, maybe that's Nick Giannopoulos upstairs stomping along. He's having a bit of a brainstorm about Wog Boy 4 or whatever and every time he has an idea he just stomps. He's like, yes, Eureka! Or whatever the Greek version of Eureka is. Oh, yeah, he's jumping for joy that he's had another good idea about a real thing that skips do that wogs don't do. This is also the neighbour that I talked about last year on the show

who I could constantly smell weed from. Wow. So she's really living it up up there. That's an interesting profile. A big old bong head that doesn't like drums but does like stomping. Stomping around. Yeah. That's three things that don't go together that logically.

Yeah. What a fascinating character. This is the neighbour that you've, I think, scared on repeated occasion when you've come to my house and the garage door has opened and you've been there thinking it's me and she's gotten quite spooked by seeing you. Oh, right. This is that person.

Good. I'll spook her worse next time. Yeah. But, yeah, what have we got to get into? So we've got some dates coming up around the country. The 7th of August, we're in Brisbane, Lefty's Music Hall. Selling quickly. Selling quickly.

The 14th of August, only a couple of tickets left for the 500th episode at the Athenaeum Theatre in Melbourne. And then the 9th of October, we're back in Perth. We're having another crack at doing a live episode in Perth. If you're one of those people that had their ticket from end of last year, it's still valid, it's still held over, so you don't need to do anything. You should have been contacted by now,

but there are also other tickets available on sale if you couldn't make any of the other dates so jump on that yeah for all the people that are very fond of telling us I can't make that date like we give a fuck well those dates have been moved so now's your fucking big chance to get a ticket and not have to tell us

about a thing that you're not going to you know that message from a person we don't know very very useless information about a thing that you're not going to. That message from a person we don't know. Very, very useless information. But there's your big chance. Come along. It's not many tickets left.

All three will, I would say, definitely sell out. So get your little tickets. If you've never been to a live show before, if you're a relatively recent listener, adopter of the show, get along. If you're a long-time listener and you've never been to a show, get along. It'll be lovely to see you. Yeah, don't message us and say you can't come. Don't be like the – there's a website that reviews Australian comedy that when I started running the gig at Catfish Comedy a few years ago

and I tweeted about it, hey, Tuesday nights, come down, this website replied to me saying, wish we could come, but Tuesday nights is the night we go to the movies. Cool. Nice to have the support of this comedy review website. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, great.

It's a real shame. It's a real shame that there's just so many movies coming out every single Tuesday night. There's always a new movie out to go and see. And if only those movies could be in some way viewed at home around different hours when the comedy's not on, live comedy's not on. But until that crazy Jetson-era day comes,

well, I guess this is going to keep happening. So come along to those live shows. Also, when we went to Sydney, we sold a bunch of merch, which is a good reminder. We don't really talk about it much. We do have merch for people that are maybe relatively new listeners.

Have a bit of a wander through littledumbdumbclub.com.au and we are getting low on the hoodies. People were begging for hoodies a year ago for a long time. We got the hoodies out and now there's not many left. So there's Talking Dumb Dumb hoodies, there's Talking Dumb Dumb t-shirts. There's the old classics. There's the Aware, I'm Aware of Little Dumb Dumb Club black t-shirts.

There's the burger logo of Little Dumb Dumb Club. And, of course, there's a very, very small handful of stubby holders and hats left as well. So get along and get the end of them. I think the hats and the stubby holders will probably be done once we get to the end of them. Yep. So get on to them or get them at the live shows when you come along.

Yes. Get all that stuff, littledumbdumbclub.com. You can also there, you can find a link to our Patreon or you can go direct to patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub where you can get two bonus episodes a week on Mondays and Fridays with guests, little bonus mini episodes that are a lot of fun, a lot of good feedback on them. And on top of that, you also go into the drawer to get your name read out at the end of an

episode of The Little Dum Dum Club. Well, it doesn't even need to be at the end. I mean, some lucky devil's about to have their name read out right now, like in the next matter of minutes. This is not the end. That's very true. That's very true. Well, I mean, at the end of the episode, the end of the episode of the little dum-dum club,

which is talking dum-dum. Which is this bit. Right. That's what I was saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the episode is over. And as we've discussed many times, this is the follow-up program that comes in after where we talk about the show

that people have just heard. So, yes, get onto the Patreon. This is like the American chat shows, the coveted 11.30 slot. And that's like the Jay Leno. And then this is like the Conan at 12.30. We're trying to do a good enough job that one day when Jay Leno retires, we get to get that slot at 11.30. That's what Talking Dum Dum is.

We have to retire the masturbating bear from Talking Dum Dum and then we might finally get to host the Little Dum Dum Club. We have to stop wearing sneakers and jeans and then if we get some slacks and nice boots on, we can do 11.30. We can do Little Dum Dum Club. Move to LA. Until then, we can just be a little bit looser

and a little bit sillier and maybe wear a baseball cap backwards at the desk. Not have a cityscape in the background. Maybe just have something silly instead. Have like bloody, I don't know, a big toilet or something. That would be cool. What about a porno? Imagine if you had a porno back there instead.

Just in general, having a porno would be pretty cool. That's a good idea. So let's crank up the UTA. Let's get some names right out. Let's do the job. Let's thank our valuable contributors, our sponsors, our bosses in a way. Apart from the fact if any of us tell us what to do, we generally say, why don't you go get fucked?

But apart from that, they're our bosses. First cap off the rank this week. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Adam Tickner. Tickner. Tickner. T-I-C-K-N-E-R Tickner Okay

Ever seen one of them? No, never seen one of them Never I don't mind it This job This job You learn something new every week Has there ever been a week where you get a name

Where you go Where you don't get a name Where you go Wow, I've never seen that name before Yeah, yeah And this is the one for this week. Well, at least there'll be at least one. So far.

Yeah. The Tick. You ever see that show, The Tick? No. I'm aware of it, but no. Yeah. Yeah. Cool character.

I think there was a live action one where it was Patrick Warburton. There was? Putty of Seinfeld was the guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It was a – I remember first getting into it as a comic book back in the day and then there was a cartoon series back then. Very strange thing for them to decide to reboot.

Like what was it, two, three years ago? Maybe a little longer than that. But like well outside of it, anyone having talked about it for over a decade, they're like, nah, let's bring back this weird niche thing that about eight people are into. Also, yeah, that was a comic book that was very, very underground, and it was in the same era as when they made the huge movie out of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles where that was a very underground comic. That wasn't like Marvel or DC or anything like that.

That was like some dumb shit underground comic book and then it turned into this massive, massive fucking thing. Yeah, well, I think the cartoon show was before the movie but it was like the comics were kind of like a bit like kind of gritty and, you know, kind of fucked up. And then like the premise is pretty fucking weird. And then they bought that and turned it into a very like colourful, very for children cartoon show.

And then this empire spun off of that. So, yeah, I guess the tick is kind of cut from the same cloth. But more adult focused I think the tick was meant to be. I think the cartoon and the movie were all sort of took off once they basically got the original characters. They turned it into a video game that they only put one copy of out at Tullamarine Airport in Melbourne. And it was so popular there that then that spawned the TV show and the movie just because i saw so many people

lining up to play it uh and people just going off when they're playing donatello they're like this is this is a goer yeah i mean it's an international airport so that's what took it to the world was people coming from all corners of the globe stopping in at talamarine and going like wait so they're like turtles but they're like human-sized and they use like nunchucks and shit. This is fucking cool. I've got to tell the boys back in Singapore about this one. Yeah, and it was the 90s version of going down to the drugstore and discovering Marilyn Monroe or whatever.

It was just a bit of transit in Melbourne and then. And then just, what am I going to do? Play the pinnies for half an hour? Oh, my God, what is this? Yeah. What is this thing? And then the rest, as they say, is history. That arcade cabinet's still there and it's heritage listed. So anytime they do renovations at the airport,

they have to kind of build around the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles arcade cabinet that's still there in the same spot. Very costly. A lot of people bidding to get their visage inside that cabinet so they can be discovered. It's a real hot spot. It's a real, you know, if you could make it there, you can make it anywhere in Tullamarine.

Yeah. Have they completely got rid of all the pennies out of the airport? That was a perfect thing to have out at the airport, time-wasting devices. Yeah, you don't really see them anywhere in airports. I can't think of any airport that I've been to that has an arcade cabinet. But you're right, having like a mini little time zone. We were talking on one of the bonus episodes about things that should be at airports, and I've said this many times.

A barber, hairdresser, should be at the airport for sure. Little mini gym would be nice. But yeah, little mini arcade, especially in transit. If you don't want to go to the gym, just do a bit of Dance Dance Revolution, stretch the legs, have a fucking beautiful time. Now, the best places for pennies, I reckon they're nearly all gone from public. But like, yeah, airport, the number one place. Can you tell me that?

The number one place for a penny, which is where? After the airport? Yeah. Better than the airport, I would say. Somewhere where you've got to do a lot of waiting. The bank? That would be good. As long as you can hold your place in the line

without having to be in the line. Like, you know those phone things now sometimes when you get on? They're like, it's going to be a two-hour wait. We'll just call you back. They're like, it's going to be a two-hour wait. We'll just call you back. If they're like, look, we'll just shuffle through people. You have a crack at time crisis and we'll come and get you when we're ready. Oh, yeah, yeah. Just, you know, let's put a penny that has a plastic gun in it in a bank.

Great idea. Yeah, well, yeah, but I mean, you know, why is that an issue? It's like if you work at the bank that's got a point-blank machine in it and you're getting held up and giving money over because of someone pointing a blue plastic gun, a bright blue plastic gun at you, I don't think you're cut out for working in the bank. Yeah, I still foresee a few little problems,

but best place, of course, history dictates, is this, fish and chip shop. Oh, right, yes, place, of course, history dictates is this, fish and chip shop. Oh, right. Yes, yes, of course. You go in, you get your flaky, you get a minimum chips, you might get a little potato cake, and you've got 10, 15 minutes in your hands. Oh, absolutely perfect. Perfectly time for a bit of Donkey Kong.

It would be fucking awesome if it was the law that any venue where you were going to have to wait in there for something for a um let's say a minimum of like 10 minutes by law has to have some kind of arcade cabinet in it so what if what if you got that and then like every every meal or whatever it is that you bought in came uh it was they they counted the cost of a game. So, right, okay, you got your flake, you got your chips, you got your potato cake. That's $14. Let's say it's $14. But that comes with a token and it's like, there you go.

You go over to the arcade game, you get a bit of galaga. Yeah, so it's like flake, dim sim, minimum chips, and a crack of Golden Axe for $15. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. That would be great. That's very nice.

In the last couple of months, I've actually been to a couple of arcades because a friend of mine works for a company that runs these like these these sorts of arcades and uh she's had to put work things on there so she's just been like oh hey come through i'll give you a little card where you just get free games all night and it's fucking or it is truly living like the 12 year old dream of just getting to go through time zone and have just like unlimited Unlimited goes on everything. It fucking rules. It's really, really fun. Yeah. Yeah, well, that happiness that we're exuding from such marvelous childlike ideas are all due to Adam Tickner. Yeah.

The Tick himself. Yeah. Old Tickhead. The blue something. The Tickhead had some. Old Tickhead. The blue something. The Tickhead had some kind of nickname. Anyway. Old Ticknose himself. Adam Tickner.

Yeah. Thanks, Tickner. Thanks, Ticko. Thanks, Dickner. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Jake Loosemore. Oh. Loosemore. L. Loosemore. L-O-O-S-E-M-O-R-E.

Loosemore. Loosemore. Now, I thought I hadn't seen Tickner before. I haven't seen Loosemore even more. Fuck, he wants more and he's already loose. Bit greedy, isn't it? Save some for the rest of us. Yeah. You've had the sides knocked out

and you still want more. Okay. Right. See what I can do. See what I can do. This one's clapped out, sorry. There's no more for you. I'm not even touching the sides, mate.

I'm not going to bother. Greedy. Interesting name. eyes mate yeah i'm not gonna bother greedy interesting name it's it's it's i don't even know it's one of those names where look you're gonna cop a fair bit for it but i reckon in the hands of people in primary and high school i reckon it's probably a bit too much for them to deal with i don't even know what they make of it like they just i just loose more they just sort of go oh you're you're loose yeah yeah but what does that mean yeah i don't know especially primary school um yeah your brain's not you don't know enough about the world your brain's not developed enough to do what we just

did and suggest that you know you've had just piles and piles of anal sex over the years like yeah that's pretty good. We've been doing podcasting for 10 years, and even then, we only just got there. Yeah, exactly. I feel like maybe by the end of high school, someone would start to put two and two together. But no, you're right.

It's not an absolute free hit. Yeah, there's a bit there. But presumably by the time you're old enough that people really work it out, it's like you're in the workplace. And by that point, it's an HR issue to go up to someone and go, oh, Loosemore? Yeah. Been fucking dicked down in the bottom a bit, have you?

Yeah, I get it. Jerk Loosemore. It is, I'll tell you what, some of these names that come up, there's been enough names that come up over the years with this segment where you do go, why is it so hard to just change your name? There's so many people where it's like, look, there's no shame in just starting again, okay? You can't, there can't be too many people. It's not what I've been led to believe over the last 10 years,

but sure, go off, King. This is like, yeah, but you just did it. There's no good reason for you to have done yours. That's the fascinating thing about you. If you had come to me and said, my name's Tommy Little Dick, and then that's why my name's now Tommy Daslow, you'd go, no further questions. I get it, Little Dick.

But this thing, someone's been walking around for 30 years with this weird last name. Loosemore. Sorry, but yeah, it's, I don't know. I don't know. I don't think Daddy Loosemore is like, how dare you? It's such a beautiful traditional name.

And the Loosemores have always been a proud race. Yeah. We've done all of this. It's like, no, I don't know. I don't think anything like that. I would love to hear the stories about people who just have a horrendous family name that is like Little Dick or something of that nature. When can you legally change your name is it is it 18 i just assume it's 18 because everything's 18 but let's say for the sake of argument that it is that like i'd love to hear the stories about

people that like day one as soon as they can it's 18th birthday first thing i'm doing i'm straight down to the post office and changing my name i'd love love to see a list of the people, the names, and hear the family story of were the parents cut, but the people who clocked on at 16 with two years to go and just every day crossing it off the calendar like they're in prison, just waiting to be able to go and change the name. You know what? I want to hear that.

What I want to hear from the listeners as well is ladies that have married but then not taken the new name, and they may have said publicly, oh, you know, hey, it's 2021. You don't have to change your name these days, which is all well and good. But really, in their heart of hearts, they're using that as the cover because, you know, their husband's surname is Chocolate Bum or whatever. So someone that has been too embarrassed of their husband's surname and has deliberately not taken it just because it's a bit of a clunker.

When they are like incredibly, especially if you were like an incredibly traditional person where you're like, you know, virgin until marriage, you know what I mean? Like you really are treated, you really do view marriage as like the very, very sacred institution. You're doing everything else by the book, but that's the one thing that you're like, eh. Or the opposite, someone who's like campaigned for decades. I think this is, you know, wrong that society thinks that the woman should take the name, but she's got some fucked name and it only just dawns on her that she's getting close to getting married and she's like,

this is my ticket out. I've got to do it. I would like to hear from female listeners that have got married to blokes with real shit last names that just decided that, no, can't do it. Not for me. Can't do it to myself. I'm no Gloria Steinem. I just don't want that name on my passport. Not even me. Can't do it to myself. I'm no Gloria Steinem. I just don't want that name on my passport.

Not even that. Just anything that, like a surname that taken in conjunction with your first name would have sounded shit. Like it just would have made your whole name sound completely fucked, you know? Yeah. Like someone old, you know, Up the Jones has married someone called Gary Bum and now they're going to be called Up the Bum. Yes. Perfect example.

Like if you were marrying a man with the surname Mutt and your name was Gaping, it'd be like, well, I can't do this. Well, yeah, I mean Gaping with any other surname sounds beautiful. Yeah, it sounds great. With that mix, it's a little bit weird. I'll be keeping my maiden name of Anus, thank you very much. Thank you very much, Mr. Mutt. It really makes you think why did you ever fucking go out

with someone called Mutt to start with? Why did it have to come up on the on the wedding day but anyway yeah um that's something that anyone that marries jake loose more can tell us yeah thanks jake yep thanks jakey um thank you very much to patreon subscriber mimi blackwell mimi yeah m-i-m-i that's right Mimi I like the name Mimi the me so nice they named it twice Mimi it's

it's it's double most comedians everything's about me everything's about me twice in this girl's name Mimi yeah I reckon

good nickname for a me too oh no oh no this nickname for a me too. Oh, no. Oh, no. This segment's been me too. That is the first me me that we've had subscribe. What do you think about that? Didn't Drew Carey's Nemesis used to subscribe to the show?

No. I would have remembered that. I would have remembered if a large woman with bad makeup that's fictional, if she had a bit of subscribed, I would remember that, I reckon. I heard the theme song to that show in a cafe the other day. Well, they had two, the Cleveland Rocks song. Who's that by? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't know. I think that's Presidency of the the united states isn't it really i think so fuck look it up because i yeah i wanted to i wanted to chuck it on the old uh on the old apple music library because it's a good song uh what the cleveland rocks one or the other one? No, the Cleveland Rocks one. I mean, they're both good, but... There we go. P-U-S-A. You're right. Thank you. I think if anyone had to know the answer to that question,

it's old Rad Dad himself. So, yes, thank you. That's true. You're welcome. That was a funny thing with that show where they just kept changing theme songs. Oh, yeah. It was a weird one where it was like, why kept changing theme songs oh yeah it was like why is this why is it why is there a song about cleveland now why is this some sort of tourism ad yeah and then uh

yeah they had five o'clock world for a little bit but yeah that song's a that song's a fucking banger just hearing it out in public it got me got me really pumped up, really fired up. Do you ever find that thing where it's like, you know, they had that Cleveland Rocks and you're in Australia going, yeah, I don't fucking know what Cleveland is, but sure, sounds cool. And then you would talk to someone from America and they go, yeah, yeah, Cleveland sucks. It's not that good.

Oh, yeah. Well, I also, I remember being very young and watching that show. And so the song is just them singing Cleveland Rocks, Cleveland Rocks again and again. Oh, yeah. I also remember being very young and watching that show, and so the song is just them singing Cleveland Rocks, Cleveland Rocks again and again. And at the very end, someone goes like echoey fading out. Someone goes, Ohio, which in the credits, in the opening theme of the Drew Carey show,

it's like Drew Carey doing that and like punching his fist in the air. And I always thought that that wasn't part of the Drew Carey show, it's like Drew Carey doing that and like punching his fist in the air. And I always thought that that wasn't part of the song. I always thought that that was like Drew Carey doing that. And I thought it was like meant to be a joke because they've just been singing about Cleveland and then he yells out Ohio. Like I didn't know that, you know, Ohio was the state. I thought it was meant to be a joke like,

oh, this guy's just gotten the place wrong. You know, like Homer singing monorail too many times or whatever. Like, I thought it was meant to be a bit of that. Melbourne rocks, Melbourne rocks. And then someone goes, Launceston. Right, right. Yeah, I didn't realise, A, that it was just actually, it's in the actual song. Like, it's not Drew Carey doing it.

And B, it's like, oh, yeah, you dumb cunt. But it is weird after this song where they're talking specifically about the city to then just, like, randomly shout out the entire state as well. Anyway, Mimi Blackwell, last scene on the Drew Carey show. Mimi Blackface. Yep. Right. Yeah.

Yep. Pretty cool. That was the final episode of the Drew Carey Show. Yeah, yeah. My friend, actually speaking of the Drew Carey Show, my friend showed me an ultrasound photo of the child that he is having soon. And, you know, you look at that when you're outside of the world of being the one having the kid and it's like, you know,

you can kind of make it out, but it's a very blurry black and white picture. And my big commentary was, oh, it looks like the production company logo from the end of the Drew Carey show. Oh, nice. Remember the little baby with the mohawk or whatever? Yeah. My friend was like, thanks, man. Really cool to know that you're stoked about me having a kid. I'm like, I don't know.

What do you want me to say? Like, cool. That's exciting. That happens with me a lot. Like when my wife made spaghetti today for lunch, I was like, oh, cool. The end of Everybody Loves Raymond. Oh, yep. Yeah, yeah.

And then when the neighbors brought down their dog before, I was like, oh, is his name Ubu? That's it. That's it. Yeah. What are the other ones there must be uh there's probably worldwide pants was great oh yeah yeah that's a good one that's just just i would sit up i would make sure i watched the end of it just so that you would find out what they say because you know it would be like worldwide pants but they wouldn't say worldwide pants towards the end they would just say sometimes they would just say, sometimes they would just go, mmm, and then that would be it.

Right. Different little weird thing to say. Bright Kaufman and Crane really missed the boat on having like a fun little thing on their production company. Who did? The End of Friends. Bright Kaufman and Crane, the three people that made Friends, and the name of their production company is just like

their three names and then it's just text on a screen it's like, yeah, get a little fucking get a little fetus or a dog in there or something for God's sakes, spice this spice this up a bit do a bit of Stephen Jay Cannell where he would be typing on the

typewriter and then throw the paper in the air and then throw the paper in the air and then it formed the logo of his company. That was pretty cool. Yep. The lighthouse at the end of Seinfeld. Oh, yeah. Yep.

The child saying dick at the end of cartoons. This is actually a pretty good idea for the show. All the characters from the production company, little title cards, the shared cinematic universe of production company logos. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good. That would be good.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, thanks, Mimi. Thanks, Mimi. Thanks, Blackers. Thanks for subscribing. Good to meet you, Mimi. One of the only Mimis. The only Mimis I've ever had anything to do with.

And this is very, very loosely. Thank you very much to Patience Subscriber, Matt Owens. Matt Owens. Hebe Owens us some dollars. Ah, well, he's paid up. Good news. Yep, yep, yep. Yeah, not a lot here.

Not a lot here, I hate to say. I'm trying, but this is, you know, we're coming into hour two of being on Zoom today, and this is mentally just about the limit. I think historically we tended to find. It would have been good to have copped as the fourth one. It would have been good to have had a Tickner, a Loosemore, or a Mimi by now.

Absolutely. That was the salad days. Now we're stuck with the Maryland ones. The UTA is kind of recalibrating itself for being in lockdown as well. It doesn't really know. It's like, yeah, chuck the easier ones up the top. Yeah. Especially if you're doing everything on the same day.

You've got to give these guys a breather at name four or 15 or whatever the last one ends up being. Yeah. Matt Owens. Don't mind Owens as a surname matt's a bit whatever as a first name don't you think it's a bit like yeah it's fine it's inoffensive but like it's the preferred version of matthew for me it's what about matty matty ow No, not for me. Matt's fine. It's better than if you went the other version, which is you just take the remaining letters, which is H-E-W.

If you just went by Hugh. Hugh Owens. Hugh. That's actually – I actually kind of would respect that. Hugh Owens. Because it's Hugh, I don't mind, is a name, but then having a weird fucked up spelling for it, I'd be doubly into. Yeah.

Yeah. Hugh Owens. H-E-W. One of those ones where it's like, yeah, you say that now. Imagine a whole lifetime of being like, actually, it's H-E-W. And then people going, oh, cool, you did this on purpose, you fucking idiot. Right. You're just trying to be annoying.

And also, what was I pronouncing? The G? Did you hear me saying it? Hugh? Yeah. Yeah. Hugh. Hugh?

Yeah. Hugh. H-E-W. Owens. Yeah. Look, I don't want to speculate. This is just the longest bow I can think of. Michael Owen was a Liverpool player who I loved 20 years ago or so. 15, 20 years ago, I should say.

And anyway, he didn't quite have that name. His last name was Owen, not Owens. So there you go. It's not a bad little tale, just off the bat. I was going to go into some Owen Wilson stuff, but again, not Owens. So there you go. It's not a bad little tale just off the bat. I was going to go into some Owen Wilson stuff, but again, not close at all. You know what I would say to this riff? Hugh cares. It's a bit of an Owens goal, really?

Yes, exactly. Yeah. Sorry, I think this guy is Owens us more money because this has been a fucking – we are really working for our coin from this guy. Yeah, and we can't finish on this guy because that wouldn't be a very good matte finish. It would be a shit finish instead. Yeah. Yeah. I like matte.

I do like matte as a surface, as a finish. And not this time, though. No, no, no. Not with this guy. I do. You know what? I'm not a car head. This is gloss. We're slipping all over it.

Oh, I wish we'd glossed over this name and just quickly got to the next one. Yeah. But I'm not a car head. You're not a car head, Tommy. But what do you think when you see those cars go around with the matte finish instead of the gloss? I do quite like it, but I think it must be very inconvenient. Yeah, I don't really have any thoughts other than seeing it

and thinking it looks expensive, which I guess is the desired result. But, yeah, I don't. I walked past the other night this big, this building that's in Collingwood that is just like my friend works near there, and this building is just this guy, this really rich guy's private car garage. Like it's not his house. It's just a separate big building that he's converted into a garage for all his fancy cars. And my friend was like, I walked past and saw the garage door open one day and there is some nice shit going on in there.

I mean, that is unreal wealth. An off-site garage for storing all of your cars. That's fucking insanity. That's some Jay Leno bullshit. Yeah. Have you ever been a collector of anything? No. No.

No, and I do – I don't know. no and i do i don't know like i i kind of i would like to be but i don't really know what i collect i don't know like there's a couple of accounts that i follow on instagram like i follow a guy who collects like simpsons stuff and he's always posting like oh i finally tracked down this um you know this bart simpson soap holder that they made in 1991 in taiwan and i kind of think like wow if you're like scoping for that kind of stuff like the day where you finally get your hands on it must be pretty cool but then like i don't know the idea of just having a whole room of your house that's just like dedicated to all that stuff i think i'd stuff that i'm like interested in kind of funnelling away

and putting together, I reach a point where I'm like, well, I don't want this to take over my life. Like I like buying records and tracking down ones that, you know, of albums that aren't on streaming or different parts of the world or have cool artwork or whatever. But like I don't want to be one of those cunts that's just got an entire wing of their house devoted to records. I've seen your Instagram feed,

apart from all the plucker ducks that you have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I made my own wheel. On the clothesline. Powered by a little bike that I ride. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw those pictures of you with Lavinia Nixon and stuff like that. So I think that's pretty cool.

That's my personal account. Yeah, I'm always tagged there. You look like you're in good shape too. Yeah. Yeah, thanks, man. I've been working out. I've been working out how to get a noose that can fit my head in it. Your fat head.

So specific. Anyway, thanks whoever the fuck that was. Matt. Thanks, Matt. Now, I've got to tell you, I had a bit of bread for lunch. And let's just do one more because I think I really need to leave the room at this point. So let's just do one more quickly. That high fiber is kicking in

so here's to being regular one more let's do this one fifth one I believe this week thank you very much too alright yeah this has something to do with something else

okay so thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Gracie Films Comedy. Oh, right. Thanks, Gracie Films Comedy. Oh, is it? Yeah. Okay, all right. Well, yeah, I mean, The Simpsons is a comedy, so, yeah, that must be the same.

Oh, right. So, comedy like The Simpsons. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Must be the same one. Yeah. I guess it is funny in a way. Yeah, right. So comedy like The Simpsons. Right. Must be the same one. Yeah. I guess it is funny in a way. Yeah. Yeah.

I can see that. That's that one, right? Yeah. I don't know. I've never watched it. No idea. You've never watched The Simpsons? No, no.

No. All right. Well, that's all the time we've got for today. Thanks, everyone who supports the show. Thanks for subscribing on Patreon. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub if you want to get those two bonus episodes a week. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for the merch that we mentioned earlier

and the tickets to the upcoming live shows. Thank you for listening. Hope you're all doing well if you're in Melbourne. Couldn't give a fuck how you're going if you're in any other part of the world, to be completely frank with you. Unless you're in Melbourne Couldn't give a fuck How you're going If you're in any other part Of the world To be completely frank with you But Unless you're in Unless you're in Brisbane

Or Perth And then hold You know Be good for the next Three or four months And then do whatever The fuck you want Yep

Exactly Alright guys Thanks for listening And we'll see you next time See you next See you next Peace Peace

Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace