The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 558 - Guy Montgomery & Melanie Bracewell

Episode Date: June 9, 2021

It's a New Zealand Spectacular this week as we're joined by GUY MONTGOMERY and first-time guest MELANIE BRACEWELL! Guy's given Mel a very interesting description of our show in order to convince her to come on, and Mel introduces us to an incredibly flawed hypnosis technique. We also spend a very long time discussing a bizarre schoolyard "game" from back in the day, before we get an update on Chandler's balcony, and hear about Tommy's "adventures" in house hunting. PLUS in Talking Dum Dum we debut ANOTHER brand new segment. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dum Dum Club, a brand new episode with guests Guy Montgomery and first-timer Melanie Bracewell. We have some shows coming up, don't we, Carl, in all parts of this great land? That is correct, Tommy, we do. We have some live shows coming up, some big ones. We have Brisbane. We're coming up to Brisbane for the first time in ages. That's on August the 7th, on a Saturday afternoon. First time in ages. That's on August the 7th, on a Saturday afternoon. Yes.

Then one week later, we have the big 500th episode live in Melbourne at the Athenaeum Theatre. A handful, a very small handful of tickets left for that. That is on the 14th of August. It's a Saturday night. Get in there. Let's get it sold out. It's going to be a lot of fun. It's been delayed a couple of times, but it's finally happening.

It's very exciting stuff. And then later in the year, the 9th of October, we are over in Perth for our rescheduled date. If you have an original ticket for that, it is still valid. So hold on to that, keep it on the fridge and we'll see you there. All of those tickets can be found at littledumbdumbclub.com. Looking forward to seeing you guys out there in the world. But until then, enjoy this great new episode with Guy Montgomery and Melanie Bracewell. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and with me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day dickhead.

We have two very special guests today beaming in from New Zealand. Please welcome into the Little Dum Dum Club, Guy Montgomery and Melanie Bracewell. Hello. Oh wow. Yes. Oh, wow. Yes. The warmth of this welcome is truly overwhelming. I'm blown away. I could cry.

It is great because we're watching you guys on the Zoom screen. Mel's in her gaming room. We've just interrupted her from a red hot game of Pong. And Guy has just told us that he's in the most powerful room in his house right now yes um so this is going to be an absolute belter i would like to clarify that i'm in the most powerful i'm in the sorry the least powerful room in my partner's mother's house in wellington but i am the most powerful person in the house so on balance it should be okay as a gamer i'm plugged straight into the Ethernet, so I'm very powerful right now.

Yeah, Chris, you're talking to us through a gaming headset as well, which I really appreciate. Carl's tried to mention the gaming room that you're in as an offhand comment, and I'm here to say we will be spending a lot of time discussing the setup. On my end, I have a lot of questions, but we can get to them later. I feel like Guy and like a guy and i should

be giving you two wedgies through zoom somehow you fucking nerd yeah you say this cal but again you've set your computer up in front of the mirror and you've got that classic artless bedroom this incredibly grim picture of a man in lockdown you've had a week to put something on the walls. You knew this record was coming up. In fact, I've closed my side of the wardrobe behind me and I've opened my wife's side so you can actually see all of her underwear at the

moment. So I've done an absolute hero act here. She's wearing her underwear on coat hangers. And folds them and puts them on the top shelf of the wardrobe. Very traditional. This is a very confusing image on the Zoom window. In one corner, we've got a gaming setup,

and in the other corner, we've got women's underwear. Never have the two been together in the same discussion. I'm actually just showing off. There is a girl that lives in my house. Not too shabby at all. But, yeah, what a ringing endorsement of this podcast that we are still in lockdown in Melbourne and we've managed to get two guests who have all the freedoms in the world.

They could go outside. They could do literally anything right now. And instead they're choosing to sit on Zoom and talk to us. You know, one of the guests, Mel, it's your first time on the podcast. You and I hadn't met before this Zoom call. So you've given up a day of freedom to sit on a call doing something that you didn't even know what the fuck it was until about half an hour ago. A day.

A day of freedom, Mel. Did we mention this was a 24-hour podcast? I'm not sure if we did do that up front. It is my Queen's birthday tradition to do this every year, actually. This is like giving to charity every Queen's birthday. Instead of the soup kitchen, you're just helping out two dumb cunts from Australia. Well, thank you very much. I appreciate that.

You're welcome. You're welcome. So what was the pitch from Guy that really got you over the line, that really sold you on doing this podcast? Well, he messaged me last night. Oh, no, it was like two nights ago, and he said, do you want to do this podcast with me? And I said, yes, sure.

I'll do it on Monday at 1. And then last night at about probably midnight, I said, what's the podcast? I had already committed, and then I felt like I needed some inside information. committed and then I was sort of I felt like I needed some inside information um and he said it was you'd prep you'd prep for a European history podcast and then this is this is it instead exactly he said it was um two dickheads from Australia being Australian I think was his description of it what does that mean exactly can I ask ask Guy, being Australian, how is what we do any different to what you do? Can I know the difference, please?

Yeah, I think the thing about the way you guys do it, honestly, I feel like you guys started this podcast, you were on the, you know, the reason that you're popular at all, right, is just that you started a long time ago. Is that correct? Yes, that's right. Basically, yeah.

We called firsties. Yeah, yeah. We called firsties. Yeah, yeah. And what an incredible move. I mean, I can't imagine the number of intelligent and insightful people who saw you cut to the front of the queue and think, ah, fuck, that's our cultural landmark for podcasting from Australia. I think that being Australian is just generally probably being 15% to 20% more ruthless than we're capable

of in new zealand it's sort of like there's a there's a cavalier devil make your attitude you guys bring to conversation and by you guys i do mean the entirety of your nation that sort of it harks back to probably my pubescent days in high school and it's um i actually i love it you know it's very did you did you have australians at your high school in your class no no but i don't know i just i think maybe it's an equivalence of maturity i sort of feel as though uh that's it that's a match of intellects we're stuck in we're stuck in year eight is that what you're saying year eight is too young you guys are a bit more you're a bit more sort of blue than year eight boys i'd say okay year 10 year 11 10 oh yes yeah thank you very much 11 starting to get a bit too mature i think that's where i i hate in year 10 so it's

good yeah what were you doing in year 10 matt i was gonna say thank you for the year 10 because in year seven i don't think i'd really discovered girls, but thank you. I have discovered girls, Guy. I'm definitely year 9 and year 10. I can tell you know all about girls by the fact that you described them as hanging underwear. In the background. I don't feel like you – that should be the promo.

I've discovered girls year 9 and year 10. Just clip that out. High school radio. I'm happy with being frozen in year 10, the year I lost my virginity. That's pretty cool. I'm happy to just stay frozen in carbonite in that era. I was going to say, gee, Tommy snuck that in there, but it's not so much snuck as plastered across page one, I think.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. No big deal. I've lost my virginity. No, yeah. Sorry. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. No big deal. I've lost my virginity. No. Yeah. Sorry to boast, guys. But year 10. Year 10.

Year 10's relatively early. Have we got any... That's like, yeah, 14. Yeah. Have we got anyone that can beat that on this panel right now? No. Absolutely not. No.

No. No. I can't. Yeah. Hey, well, don't attack me. Attack the Reverend from my school, all right? No. Oh, there we go.

As a gamer. Classic Australian year 10 humour. As a gamer, I'm just hoping one day it'll happen for me. So can I ask you? I can't get over, Mel. You said that you peaked in year 10. So while Tommy was, you know, having his wicked way with someone, what were you doing that qualified your physical or mental peak?

I was junior. That's better than what Tommy was doing. I was junior sports person of the year. That was a pretty big way. Yeah. I did quite well in my class. I think I got the Dean's Award. So it was actually quite a good year for me personally.

Oh, wow. Yeah, that's interesting, Mel, because the phrase junior was also used in my big post from year 10 as well. Yeah, yeah. And a bloke called Dean gave you an award as well. Gave you the award of most come given. And you were very athletic while you were doing it. So that's something. Worked up a real sweat. Yeah. And you were very athletic while you were doing it

So that's something Worked up a real sweat Yeah Broke the land speed record on that one too Yeah They did a whole speech in assembly About it These riffs are why I call the podcast

Very Australian Right If this was a New Zealand podcast What would we be riffing about Guy? why I call the podcast very Australian. Right. If this was a New Zealand podcast, what would we be riffing about, Guy? No, I'm Chomsky, I believe. I think that's what you guys would be. There's a lot of Chomsky riffs, yeah. What were you doing?

Why was Guy Montgomery doing in year 10? Where was that on the Richter scale of Montgomery doing? Any good on the lower side or on the upper side? I sort of shot through the middle of all of high school. I was neither cool nor uncool. I was just, I had a good core group, and our primary focus was having a laugh. All of the more handsome boys who were more coordinated were,

they were going to parties and they were kissing girls. And some of them, if I remember correctly from talk around the water fountain, some of them were even poking girls. Oh, God. Yeah, I know. And Facebook wasn't invented yet. That's right. Keeping a healthy distance from all of that. I wasn't applying myself. And I don't know that I've started since then.

Since hanging out with my parents, since being here, my parents informed me that when I was in primary school, I'd moved to a new primary school and they had the parent-teacher interviews. And the teacher was concerned because he didn't exercise in class. So you had to write down the three people that you liked and the three people you didn't like. And I the only one i know which is crazy in itself but i was the only one who didn't appear on anyone's list i was just the only one that floated in the middle not on neither the likes nor the no one hated No one hated me, but no one loved me.

This sounds like evidence that you are a vampire. I didn't really exist. I was dead the whole time. Were you voted most likely to win Big Brother? Just absolutely sliding underneath the radar? Oh, man, I've been watching Big Brother. I have been loving it. A friend of mine was so obsessed with Big Brother in school that he somehow on the internet found out who won Big Brother

that year and so he hypnotised himself like it was spoiled online and we weren't up to that part in New Zealand yet so he went on YouTube and tried to hypnotise himself to forget who won so that he could enjoy the show

fuck yeah that is amazing so that he could enjoy the show. Fuck yeah. That is amazing. Also, like, I mean, just being hypnotized to forget that out of, like, everything. Like, that's a way more interesting version of Eternal Spotlight of the Spotless Mind or Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. But hypnotizing yourself. Yeah, apparently. What is that? sunshine as far as mine but but hypnotizing yourself yeah apparently yeah do you just google like one of those swaying watches and just watch that for a couple of hours like a meditative

like voiceover kind of thing that would put him into a state of um i don't know tranquility or something but yeah the challenge was of course the mantra involved repeating the name of the person who won and so just with time you become more and more furious at yourself. Yeah, that's it. Because what would it be? You just try and remember every other name in the world except for the name of the person who won Big Brother? How does even hypnotizing work? Making an effort to forget anything will never work, I think.

But he tried yeah it was very passionate what if i try and find like a hypnotism uh youtube clip now and i'll do a share screen on the zoom call great and the and the back end of this podcast can just be like carl thinks he's a chicken uh you know guy thinks he's muhammad ali melanie's forgotten where she is we can just have a lot of fun we forget about about the images of Tommy Daslow rooting in year 10. Yep, exactly. That would be great. If you were going in to see a hypnotist to get yourself to quit smoking

and you just say to the hypnotist, it's like, while you're in there, if you could just knock the plot of The Matrix out so I can give that a first go again, you know, why not? Yeah. Get some other stuff taken out while you're at it. I would love to know how this logistically worked, how to forget just one piece of information via YouTube. I'm fucking busting.

I'm going to try it myself after this. I've told you many times it did not work. He did not forget who it was. He still remembered. He just tried. Was there any doubt at all? Did he come to school and was like, oh, I'm a little bit unsure. Maybe I can just remember the person who came second.

Or was he just come to school and go, no, I definitely still know it. It was my best mate's little brother so he's in a different year but yeah he he's very much would always try those sorts of tactics if that makes sense like he would go all out to just like enjoy something better it's also classic internet sleuth behavior to sort of be digging around to have more information about the thing you love and then in doing so to absolutely ruin the thing you love. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's like the modern day version.

Like that's this generation's version of like when I was a kid, I would be like trying to buy x-ray specs out of the back of comic books and going, yeah, this is a thing that can happen. Whereas 20 years later, it's someone being hypnotized by YouTube into forgetting the Logan brothers from Big Brother. I want to forget the turkey slap. I want to experience a friend. Yeah, actually, they could have actually done that.

Yeah, did you guys ever get into – I remember a friend of mine when we were in probably like year nine, he was like, I heard about this thing where if you squat down and if you breathe really heavily, really quickly and start to get a bit dizzy and then stand up and have someone push on your chest, you pass out for a second and it gives you this kind of weird high. And we got really into doing that that like that spread

like wildfire around my school and i actually i forgot about it yeah forgot about it completely and then ran into an like a family friend's son so he went to the same school as me but he was a few years younger and like the first thing he said to me was like hey do you remember when i come over to your house for dinner and then you took me upstairs to the hallway and I was like, please, this memory is very scary. And then we'd hyperventilate and push the other ones. This guy, you should have got this guy on YouTube immediately and tried to make him forget this moment.

But it was exactly that. And you'd push each other up on the chest until you'd pass it and i had no recollection of doing this with him but it's for him it was so visceral he's like there's a very formative memory it was um it was crazy i i you know what i we had the same thing at our school except funnily there was just slightly different moves involved it was the same end game where someone passes out for a second, but there wasn't the push. There was some other bits involved.

I can't remember the exact. I feel like it's that Seinfeld episode where they're going, do you finish with a swirl or whatever it is. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was slightly different. Hang on. Oh, that classic. The secret was you were sucking each other off,

and that's how you go all light headed And passed out Yeah we did it a bit differently At our school You mean like gobies right? Well you don't know Guy doesn't remember Guy can't remember It could have been like that

Did that make it to your school Mel? No this is insane to me I've never heard of this in my life There's also a slight generational divide. You were the athletic kid. You were running around the oval. Yeah, we were huffing glade, you know. There you go.

Yeah, we didn't have anything like that available when I was at it. Yeah, because it's like looking back on it, you go, that is like so fucking dangerous. Like genuinely like could have accidentally fucking killed yourself or one of your mates. Right? Like, it's super unsafe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had a bunch of our guys did it.

And then I was like, that looks insane. I'm not doing that. And then everyone got dobbed in and had to go into the principal's office. And this one guy just fingered me and was like, this guy did it as well. And I'm like, I absolutely did not do it. And I was the one guy that was like the one guy that didn't do it. And they're going, oh, you fucking nerd. You're not doing it.

And then I got dragged in and punished the same as the rest of them. I'm like, I fucking did not. That's exactly what you get for being a massive fucking nerd. What did you expect to happen? Can you explain what it felt like? What was the equivalent? I don't understand what kind of high you would get. Is this the appeal of the auto-erotic asphyxiation kind of thing?

Yeah, like super light-headed, sort of feeling like you're falling asleep a little bit i guess it's i've i've um let's do it now i've fainted a few times and the feeling that i would articulate that as is it's like it's initially it's quite freaky because you're losing you know you're losing cognizance of control over your faculties but then there's a point where it crosses over where you know that you've got no control over it and it's until then it's quite freaky but then that moment it's also what I imagine it feels like because I hear that you

get a very high delirium before you drown but it's sort of like you let go of the control and you feel this burst of euphoria within your body where you're like, okay, well, I'm going down. And then you have these very, very intense psychedelic dreams within the moment of passing out. Oh, man, I've got to get back into this. I've missed out by being a nerd. Fuck, this sounds awesome.

Carl, let's break lockdown to just do this to each other all day. Getting a fine for you coming around and shoving me in the chest and making me pass out. You can do it. We've got an hour of exercise and we can meet up with someone that you know. So we could meet up at the park over the road right now, Tommy, and do this as our exercise. That's true.

That's very true, yeah. right now, Tommy, and do this as our exercise. That's true. That's very true, yeah. My gang of cohorts, they added something different on the mix for this. They did all this passing out stuff, but for some reason, they also got one of the guys that they sort of didn't really like very much, got him to do all of that stuff, and then wrapped him up in a big hose and then pulled the hose.

So as he was passing out, he was also being strangled by the school hose. Wow. The school hose. The school hose is who Tommy hooked up with. That was Dean. Yeah. Yeah, we got really into doing it and we were doing it just like at friends' houses on the weekends for a little bit. And like, yeah, just five of us just like hanging out at a friend's house.

There's got to be a name for this. There must have been a name for this. Surely. Yeah, someone listening will know, surely. But, like, we got really hooked on it, and then we were, like, so addicted to it that then we did start – similar to you, Carl. Addiction is a strong word. Well, we started doing it at school.

We were, like, we couldn't get through the week without having a crack at this, and that was when, yeah, I think a teacher saw us, and we all got pulled in, and we were, like, this is is you can't be doing this like this is really dangerous and the absolute goal to be standing around doing this in the schoolyard like basically knocking each other out obviously i agree with that but also part of me is like let the kids have some wholesome fun they're not on drugs they're not drinking they are risking life and limb but also it's like to me while it is highly dangerous and absolutely ridiculous some part of me looks at that and thinks good on you kids for finding something to entertain yourselves that is

purely within yourself yeah yeah yeah that's it's like making it's like making fire out of like wood like how did you get this how did you How did you come up with this idea? And how did it spread so far to being without the internet? You understand how these trends catch on. But it was like all these rumours and stuff that would go proliferate through all these schools. But how did they do it? Physically, one kid would have told another kid.

Yeah, it was our slender man. It was older siblings. Older siblings were the internet of their day. That was how information was fed to them. Absolutely 100% true and a very beautiful articulation of it. I like that. They were the original internet.

Just an older kid. Yeah. Didn't even have to be someone you knew just you're right you're right you're right because they were the internet at the time because the older kids were the ones that were leaving the pornos up the bush so they were providing the pornography from the internet as well yeah what was did you say that you're the young you're the youngest of six mel i was like what was the misinformation that was being handed down through the Bracewell family when you were a kid? Oh, the one that leaps to mind is how Steve from Blue's Clues killed himself. That was like a classic rumor that I think went around every school, I think.

Yeah, there was always someone who killed himself. Bobby McFerrin killed himself. Michael Jackson had killed himself. Yeah, it was just people dying. There was no other creativity. Those were the two bits of information you'd get. It's like, this person is a dead pedophile and here's how to have a sweet natural high.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those were the two bits of information. Michael Jackson connected to both of them in many cases. In many ways, it was a simpler time for the internet. Yeah. It really was. What about this? So I feel like I need to bring this up.

We talked about this week. I'll give you a recap, you guys. So look, a pretty bad thing that's happening in my little block of flats at the moment, especially since we're in lockdown at the moment. So I'm in an apartment. We have a very, very narrow little balcony. So, you know, a very, very small little amount of space

that you can go out and get a bit of fresh air out there. Now, what's been happening the last couple of weeks is our neighbour, and by neighbour I mean the person who's living directly above us, has got quite a large dog. And now he does walk the dog, but it's become obvious that he doesn't walk it quite enough. Now what's happened is, now I'd never known about this before a week ago,

a couple of weeks ago. What I've called a piss mat has fallen down onto our balcony. I don't know if you guys have ever heard of this. Now, they've got a mat that the dog pisses on, and then they just let that fall into our balcony for some reason. So our balcony was sopping wet with dog piss. They came and grabbed it off us. From then on, there's been a constant deluge of dog piss

leaking down onto our balcony in lockdown. Our one little refuge, our one little bit of fresh air. We can't even leave the door open anymore. We're getting this Niagara Falls of dog piss flooding down into our apartment every day. Yep. You're out there pushing on your wife's chest trying to get her to park her car. She's getting soaked in dog piss, completely ruining the high. It's a tricky one.

Have you guys ever heard of, first of all, a piss mat? I think I've heard of it. For the dog. It must be nice to have a family where you can spare a piss that's a dog. Someone's doing well. Someone's doing all right. Wow. I have heard of one, but yeah, for dogs that live in apartments

where there's no grass and it just teaches them to have a, is it kind of like covered in like a, you know, fake turf kind of thing? It's astroturfy kind of. It's meant to be a training thing, right? I found that out during the week from people posting about it on our Facebook, that it's meant to be for the purposes of teaching the dog, right? Yeah, teaching the dog what grass is, apparently. So that's what a fucking dumb dog.

Anyway, so that's what's what a fucking dumb dog anyway um so that's what's been happening that's like how surely you don't need a fucking a tool to show what grass is anyway you just give one look and that's and you're ready to go i would have thought but anyway um now that's i've talked about on the show um we we i've had many times of going up and talking to the the owners of the apartment upstairs who, for some reason, my wife is convinced that the guy's gay. I don't know why that keeps coming up. He's very clearly not gay.

There's a relationship going up there. This sounds like you're in a relationship with him and you're just trying to throw her off the scent. He's obviously straight. He's definitely straight. Hey, look, I'd love to throw her off the scent. He's obviously straight. He's definitely straight. Hey, look, I'd love to be thrown off the scent at this point.

Yeah, yeah. Going out on a mobile. You've declared this elaborate ruse, this lying system where he accidentally drops the piss. I better go take the piss mat back upstairs, bub.

Why were you up there for three hours? Oh, the mat was really heavy. It was hard to get it up the stairs. It sounded like you were having a big argument, but at the end you really agreed. There's a lot of noise going on.

Oh, we were just doing this thing that we did in year eight. We were just trying that thing out again. So there was nothing happening last week in terms of there was no result. When you say no result, when you talk to this person, what did they say? Just go, oh, sorry, this piss on your balcony. Or what? Well, yeah, look, it's a good question. What he does, what his sort of trick is, is he gives me this great look like I I knock on the door, and I've knocked on the

door several times, obviously. I knock on the door and he gives me this big old NIDA acting school sort of like, oh, what are you doing here? And it's like, mate, what's the only thing I've ever come here for? I'm not coming up to borrow a cup of sugar. I'm not even leaving it to beaver. I'm coming up 100% of the times I've talked to you is over the subject of dog piss. Ari, your dog. Now, he gives me the whole, oh, oh, like he's dog looking at me sideways going, oh, okay, what's happening here? And I'm like, what do you reckon it is and so so i've been up there several times last week now since i talked about it last week i've gone up again several times and he and it's

i've been up there five times now and every time he gives me the oh what's what oh what's what are you doing this week and i'm going you know what it is and he's a masterclass in gaslighting, I have to say. Yeah. So he says to me this time, well, what's going on today? And I said, well, you know what it is. You know the only reason I come up here. It's to talk about your dog's piss. And he goes, well, it can't be my dog.

And I'm like, what? This is a new one? Is there now a dog? Yeah. Is there a dog above? Yeah. Is there a dog above? Yeah. You're a partner now. It's dribbling down three layers. That would be a great excuse for him to be like,

oh, yeah, we've got to go upstairs and take this guy on. Yeah, we've got the same problem too. It's all over my balcony. I mean, we've got a cat now. We don't even have a dog anymore. The idea that he's just spending all the time in between visits from you just drafting new things that he's going to say to you when you turn up. He's like, all right, he didn't buy the I don't have a dog thing.

I've got to get back to the drawing board and think of another excuse. Yeah, yeah. So then he goes, oh, well, it can't be my dog. What do you mean? And he goes, well, well, it can't be my dog. I'm like, what do you mean? And he goes, well, my dog's been inside for like a week now. And I'm like, how is that an excuse? That's, if anything, that's an admission of guilt. Like if your dog's been inside for a week,

that means he hasn't been outside to piss anywhere. I don't know whether he was trying to Jedi mind trick me or what. I don't know how that's a thing. So I just sort of block that out and go, I don't know whether he's trying to Jedi mind trick me or what I don't know how that's a thing I just sort of block that out and go I don't know what that means all I know is that my balcony is covered in dog piss and you can

tell from, like there's a lot of evidence that it's coming from above, which is you, you're above me, it's not coming from below there's no sort of like Yellowstone National Park sort of geyser of piss coming up from below me or anything like that. It's definitely coming from you, and it has continued to come from you. And he's like, yeah, well, I mean, look, I've done everything I can.

I've plugged everything up. I've plugged everything up, so it just can't be for me. What does it mean by plugged everything up? Straight in the dog's urethra. Well, yeah, that's a good point. So a lot of the feedback we've got from last week's episode is a lot of people, a lot of geniuses out here that think they've been in the same situation as me have gone, oh, you should just plug it up.

Just put a cork in it. Just put a cork in the big hole in their roof and just plug it up. I'm like, cunt, he's not living in a bathtub. Like, that's not how it works. There's no very obvious hole above me that I've just missed that's a big old piss hole that I've gone, oh, well, I'm out of ideas. I've got this very clear visual image right now of your upstairs neighbor lying down in his identically laid out

apartment on the bedroom floor with a glass to his ear just listening to you rag on him and going yeah he's really pissed off now we're really getting to him yeah yeah he's just he's just listening through the listening hole I have in my bedroom as opposed to the piss hole I have on my balcony. Yeah. I really, I should have plugged it up in hindsight. Could you, then, we're talking about the apartment above his, why don't you visit them, go, I need to check something out with your balcony, just checking it out,

and then you piss through the gap of their balcony as the ultimate revenge. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Absolutely. I mean, if I wanted to get kicked out of this apartment, absolutely I would do that. There was nothing in the body corporate that said I couldn't do that. Now, that's where you're wrong because my wife has gone through the entire body corporate and has already highlighted several clauses of it to then bring on to body corporate meeting, which I'm like, can we just pull back from going to body corporate by saying that we

are filled with piss at this point? Can we somehow just try and talk to the neighbor first and figure it out before that? Because we're going to have a nightmare living situation from now on if i don't want to get into the legalities because i came home and i got she got she got sprung i said don't talk to anyone about this yet i'm going to sort this out and i got home from a run and found her very deep into a conversation with body corporate which then she was just trying to like yeah yeah yeah and and clause 1.2 and then i walk in and she's like i'll just take this outside and then just like it took off for me she went on the balcony i couldn't hear that stripping down yeah can i say

in defense of your your partner carl that it sounds like you saying i've got this and you've just outlined for about 10 minutes the ways in which you do not have this at all. Like, what course of action is left? Yeah, look, that's very fair as well. But, yeah, if this, if, the thing is, I said to her, right, okay, you've been sprung, you're talking to body corporate.

Okay, great. All right, if that's what you're going to do, if that's the way you're going to, I can only see trouble. You tell me what body corporate okay great all right if that's what you're going to do if that's what the way you're going to i can only see trouble you tell me what body corporate have recommended to you and she said oh talk to them i'm like well there we go okay that's they're only recommending that you talk to them anyway so that's what i'm doing if you bring in body corporate all of a sudden it's basically like telling the police what if you know all of a sudden he's dobbing on these people.

What if you taped a snacko or some desirable dog treat to the end of a long stick, and you held it outside the balcony just up towards where the top of the balcony line is for them, and you just sort of slowly tempt the dog all the way out of the apartment, all the way out into the sky, and all the way until you're no longer facing this problem. All the way out into the sky and all the way until you're no longer facing this problem out into the sky

this is see this is the same as what we had on facebook during the week all of the suggestions for solutions to carl's problem are imagining that carl lives in some kind of like looney tunes style world it's like it's like people, just funnel the piss back up onto their balcony. Yeah, it's almost like you record a comedy podcast. I know I do give off very strong Wile E. Coyote vibes. I understand why it's coming in, but I'm just saying it's not super useful at this point. You've got the same exhausted, put-upon eyes of Wile E. Coyote.

You genuinely do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got about the same success rate in general as well. Carl, what you do is you go up there and you tell them that it's rabbit season, okay? That's when they sort things out. Quick sticks. I dress up as a female rabbit, a very sexy female rabbit, and I tempt the dog out.

When the dog fucks me... Yep, now we're talking. Okay, I've run out of ideas after that happens, actually. I actually ran into a... This is just a sidebar to this, but I ran into a dog problem of mine very recently. I was putting on a show last Sunday, two Sundays ago. Mel, you actually did the show,

but you didn't arrive until the second half. But the first act on the show, it comes straight from set. Sorry. That's right. I was at the break of the game. I got so drunk. I felt almost quite bad

because I turned up there quite steamed and did my set. No, no, you knocked it out of the park. But before that, so the first act had come straight from set with a driver and also with her brand new puppy because they there's no one at home to look after this puppy and the green room for this gig is a caravan out the back of the bar and so i'm i'm i'm hosting the gig so things are things are going well obviously well everything's going gangbusters because what

we're doing in new zealand at the moment Carl, is leaving our house to do comedy shows. Okay, right. But anyway, so I sort of introduced the gig and set it up. And he's like, okay, is it all right if the puppy just hangs out here? Because he didn't bring a lead for the puppy. And I said, yeah, that's fine. So I set up the gig at the start. Welcome on stage the first act.

Then I go back out to the caravan and I look through the window and the dog is just pissing in the middle of the floor of the caravan and the driver who was ostensibly minding the dog is just that is that is one green room it's just exactly it's just watching it happen and i was like i'm sorry are you not seeing what is happening like there's two there's two living species in this caravan how are you so i go into the bathroom and rip off all this paper towel, go and clean it up or whatever, put the toilets back in, go back into the gig to see how it's going. First act's still on.

Come back out. The dog is doing exactly the same thing again in exactly the same spot with exactly the same amount of action happening from the driver. So I'm like, okay, this is ridiculous now. Same cycle again. Go back into the gig come back out and now the dog is on top of one of the squabs and before the show the guy who owns the bar in

the cabin had told me that someone left the caravan unlocked and some very odd burglars came and stole all of these like custom-made squabs except this one remaining squab and he was furious the other squabs have been taken but he was really proud of his squab. So I come back out. The dog is now shitting on the squab. And I was like, this is insane. But because the owner loves it so much, like I can't actually communicate anything that's happening on stage when I go back out there.

So I take the squab out. I'm scrubbing, like with soapy tissues, I'm scrubbing the shit off of the squab. I feel like I was trapped in a sitcom backstage and then I have to go back out on stage and act like everything's totally fine and normal

and we're just at this regular gig the dog's like urine cycle is like the perfect comedy set length that you could have used the dog

as the sort of red light in the back of the room well that's you would have noticed when I messaged you wrap it up yeah I said

Mel said how long do you want me to do? And I said, three pisses and one shit. So is the gig like being piped in? When you're in the caravan cleaning all this shit up, can you hear the gig? Or are you just having to like clean for a bit, run back out and make sure? I'm literally, I'm running back and forth like I'm in some sort of script.

Are you emceeing? I'm hosting the gig. And can I ask this? What's a swab? I don't know what a swab is. A squab. They're like pillows for boats or caravans or whatever. They're like custom to them.

I didn't know, but I kind of guessed based on your story what it would be. I didn't know either. I didn't want to sound dumb, but yeah, I'm glad you asked. I sound like an idiot. I literally thought it was like some sort of cotton bud that you clean your ears with. I'm like, how is this dog filling up this swab with piss and shit? That's very precise.

So, like I said, my neighbour, who I still haven't even learnt the name of, I think my wife thinks his name is liberace but uh so i i can't get i can't get him to sort of like admit to any of it sort of what he does is he puts up this big defense and he's like uh yeah i don't know i don't know i don't know what's going on like it can't be my dog or whatever and then i'll push him and so this what this is the this the same thing happens every time i'll push him and go look it's clearly your dog um look i just want to get i'm not i'm not mad i'm not fighting you i just need this resolved this needs to stop happening and then he goes and he just crazily, like just goes from being really aggressive

and really getting his back up to just going, oh, you're right. You're right. It's not good enough. It's absolutely not good enough. You shouldn't be putting up with this. It is not good enough. Something's got to change. Something's got to change.

Something's got to be done. Whoa, okay. All right. And all of a sudden, it's like a master class. I'm living a lie. You got me. My wife, we just paint the moustache off my wife. It's not my wife.

It's a man. So then all of a sudden, I come up. I'm the attack dog sent up from my wife. All of a sudden, I'm going, hey, man, take as long as you need. If we can get this sorted. Oh, that tactic. It's not your fault. It's not you pissing.

I know it's not you pissing. I know you're not telling your dog to piss. We just need to fix this somehow, okay? I love piss. It's not even that big of a deal. Tell him to piss more. It's fine. I've been watching a lot of Man vs. Wild.

I'm into it, honestly. Yeah. Actually, I like it. It lot of Man Vs. Wild. I'm into it, honestly. Yeah. Actually, I like it. It's my wife's problem. Like you know, all women are trouble. You know, you're with me, brother, aren't you? She's the one who wants to get rid of the piss. Not me, buddy.

We should move in, in fact. You got 4D cheers. Yeah, yeah. So I'm on the absolute back foot. I'm like, okay, okay, okay. So then I go back down. I go, okay, all right. Well, he said he's doing something about it.

He's like, as I said last week, he's got some sort of like plumbing situation. He's telling me he's going to Bunnings. He's telling me he's got some sort of funnel situation. I don't quite understand how it happens, what's happening here. But he's like the ancient Greeks. He's got some sort of new piss plumbing system installed above my house. I'll leave it with you. So then he seems quite heartfelt about that.

A day later, I give it 24 hours, I wake up. The problem is possibly the worst it's ever been. Okay. hours, I wake up. The problem is possibly the worst it's ever been. I'm like, is he now doing this on purpose? What's happening? So he's outfoxed me. He's got my defenses down and then he's absolutely unleashed and just opened the entire wall up. Maybe he's got more dogs in there now. I don't know. He's got another dog. He's done a ring around. He's gone to the pound. He's adopted some more strays or something and then just gone, guess what, boys?

No rules here. Go for it. So what's happened is it is like there's genuinely like beforehand there's like stains all over the wall. There's spatter on the ground. There's spatter on my window. Spatter. the wall there's spatter on the ground there's spatter on my window spatter now now there is genuine yellow puddles on the balcony uh but the thing is that now it's moved so my balcony uh

tommy if you you've been here before it's it's quite narrow but then it opens up on the corner and there's quite a bigger area and that's where we put our laundry so guess what guys that is where it is coming now it is just raining down on that corner where all of my clothes are so it's the dog piss is going through going all over my laundry all over my clothes in fact some of the clothes i'm wearing right now uh i've obviously re-washed it since then, but it is the worst part of, the worst bit it could be raining down on, it is raining down on right now.

So I'm like, fucking hell. So I'm like, immediately have to go back upstairs. So I go back up. We have the same dance. The same dance happens. Oh, what's happening? Are you wearing the piss clothes just so that he can really get just so that he can get an immediate sense for what he's been causing no no no i'm not i've taken pictures i've got video i've taken pictures video of all of it yeah

i'm like well i i could so i can show him that he can be in no doubt. This can double up to give to my wife, to bring to the bloody council of apartments, whatever. So I've gone up. He goes, oh, what's happening? And he's like, well, it cannot be my dog because I've got out the plumbing. I've gone and bought stuff from Bunnings. I've barricaded everything.

Everything is waterproof. It's airproof. It's absolutely solid there can be nothing it cannot be coming from our apartment now the job is done and i said look i really appreciate that you've obviously done something because what's happened is it was coming down the side of the apartment beforehand and now it's obviously been moved all down to the end of the apartment where all of my washing is and it's all down to the end of the apartment where all of my washing is. And it's sprayed down completely the other end of the apartment. It's coming down all over my laundry.

And he goes, oh, it's coming down the other end. Right. Yeah, well, that's the one bit I didn't fix. Well, there you go. Yeah. So when you said it was waterproof and airproof and everything else proof you meant some of it was so you have just done some sort of system where you've pushed all the piss down to the other end of the house to the worst possible spot and now i don't have anything to wear i was just going to

say like for for guy and mel for for context there is a park literally across the street from carl's apartment building and this man's absolute reluctance to just take the dog outside is sort of impressive at this point i have to say it's admirable it's i reckon this is some like scientist or this is some top tier super interesting intelligent person who is second in line in australia to have a podcast and it's just never let it go and it's like i will try i will track down carl chandler and he will hear about us yeah yeah yeah he he he was the second person to have the idea of of um talking shit with mates and like fuck i can't believe he he beat me to it yeah if i can't have my own good idea if i can't have my own one, I'll just feature on this one every week from now on.

That's the next best thing. Oh, you're trapped in hell, man. That sounds awful. That sounds terrible. I'm so sorry. Man. So what now? Well, this is the update. So I've told him about that.

That wasn't the update. Was that just a recap? No, no, no, that was the update. This is previously on Carl Chandler. Yeah, yeah. No. No. I could tell this every week from now on.

It feels that way, yeah. In lockdown, there's nothing else to do but talk about the piss that's been put upon me. New guests every week, and you're having to recap them, and I'm just trapped having to hear it's like groundhog day like hearing this same disgusting story every week for the rest of my life dog day so what's happened is that's like a day and a half ago that that that's happened now he uh he promised he was going to Bunnings.

He admitted that that was the one end that hadn't been insulated properly for dog piss. They didn't have the vaccine for dog piss. So, a day and a half later, no dog piss. So, absolute fingers crossed at this point. But there's been, I feel like, you know, one of those, I should have have one of those signs a day and a half since my last dog pissing right but that's right that's where we are man if you follow the narrative arcs and the rhythm of the story you've told sure there's no dog piss right now but tomorrow or the day after next there is going to be an absolute fucking torrent of dog piss and shit just bucketing down into your life.

It's probably going to be through one of the light fittings in the kitchen. If it can't come out one way, that liquid's got a way of finding of just going downhill to find the next little hole. That might be the case. But the dam might be just struggling to burst at this point.

I don't know. But I just don't understand how it's taken this. I'm very nervous about it because for him to find a solution now, I just can't believe that he hasn't found a solution before now. It doesn't feel like it's, like, it seems pretty obvious. It seems like he's doing something like he's just not giving any water to his dog or something in the meantime until you forget about it and then he can get away with it happening again

because you're like, oh, well, it's actually been good for a few days so you get a bit more rapport with him and then he can totally fuck you over. Yeah. Yeah. Because we've been doing this for like 50 minutes now so there could have been you know there could have been a real uh there could be a real waterfall happening right now for all you know it could yeah well happening right this very minute it could be um i i can go and check but the the it seemed like the the main

from what i learned the other day and the main pissing hours of this dog is overnight. Right, right. Because it was first thing in the morning and I'd left my washing out overnight and, yeah, it was not dry. And like he said, when I come up to complain about it, he said, man, it's been raining. I go, yeah, but the thing is,

rainwater doesn't leave a stain on clothes or on balconies or on walls. And he's like, oh, okay. Well, there's no, you know, I haven't seen the stains. I'm like, yeah, because you refused to come and have a look. I'm like, when you walk your dog, if you ever fucking do again, you can literally see on the outside walls, the walls are properly

stained with piss if you walk past my house on two different walls now it is it's like paint it is stained with dog piss the idea that this guy is just sitting there and the dog is like clawing at the door onto the balcony and then it starts raining and the guy just being like, fuck, we're on here, the perfect cover. Now the dog can just piss to its heart content. This idiot downstairs isn't going to know the difference. Fuck yes. Yeah. Oh, yeah, rain last night.

It was a bit smelly. It was one of those smelly showers. Oh, okay, no worries. Duh. Yeah, the clouds had a lot of asparagus and that's why it uh see i haven't i haven't had a lot of problems with neighbors before this is sort of quite new for me do you guys have do you guys have neighbor issues at all not that i can think of really it's been quite chill there were a lot our neighbors definitely broke lockdown about 15 times but you know it wasn't a personal slight against us uh it was more just sort of oh they're breaking

the law they weren't they weren't walking around with their masks off pissing into your house yeah they were relatively they were endangering themselves uh no yeah i i know no there's a lovely guy called johnny lives next door seems nice enough okay well yeah right drive be nice yeah drives a mazda seems like a good dude i mean carl the time to ask that question would have been before you've told your story because any bad neighbor complaints just sort of pale in comparison now just like yeah uh it was bugging me a bit, but it's not pissing in my open mouth every day. I don't know.

I think that Mazda bit's got legs that Guy was talking about. Having a Mazda, that could be something. Please tell me that you've moved where you're drying your laundry from now on. Please tell me that you've at least got a different spot for it. Beyond the dog piss, leaving your laundry out in the rain is not sound. It wasn't raining when I left it out. The dog wasn't pissing when I left it out. This is all great in hindsight, but, you know,

until someone invents an app that can predict when it's going to rain, well, you know, it's all a mystery. Until we get meteorologists. It's not my fault. It's incredible, isn't it? They've got an app for everything except the weather. It really makes you think. I wish I had an app for when the dog was drinking upstairs.

That's what I wish I had an app for. Yeah, you need to, next time you go up there, you need to somehow get a bug into the apartment. Get set up like a little camera situation. You know what's worse? Every time I go up there, the door opens, the guy pops his head out and is like, oh, what's all this about? And then the dog races out and jumps all over me. And I'm like, cool, well, now I've got dog all over me.

Probably excited to meet someone who smells like the end of his penis. He successfully marked his territory on you already. That's right. He thinks I belong to him. Fuck. Well, conversely, Tommy, I feel like this was a while ago, but when I was on the podcast, you'd befriended someone in your neighborhood block who was providing you with marijuana.

No, it never got that far. I would smell it wafting down from the balcony upstairs. And I was in a bit of a situation where I was like, how do you navigate going and knocking on the door and just asking, can I have some? And the answer is you don't because you're an absolute coward who hates any form of interaction with people that you don't really know very well. Anyway, nice to meet you, Tommy.

I was just going to say because you, of course, Tommy, have famously been practising social distancing your whole life. Yes, absolutely, yeah, and it would be a strict violation of that code. But you might be interested in this guy because this is all – hearing about Carl's woes in an apartment building is very interesting because, yeah, I currently live in an apartment building, and before this lockdown happened, me and my girlfriend were in the middle of house hunting to move in together,

so this lockdown has put a severe handbrake on that. But I had been looking. I've got an apartment you could possibly hire out. No pets. I can get them out of here pretty soon. If you think it's bad when they're up there, wait until I move in, bastard. There's white stains down the walls.

All my clothes are stuck together. And then I'm like, knock, knock, knock, knock. And you're walking out with your dick in your hand going, what? It's not my car. What's the problem here? No, my girlfriend's like, look, I know there's a park across the road that I could let him off to wank in, but it's easier. It's just easier if he does it in the AstroTurf on the balcony.

Your girlfriend runs out and jumps all over me because you've marked me with your scent. I'm like, oh, this must be who I fuck as well. Cool. Fucking hell. But, yeah, I don't really have too much preference one way or the other whether we get a house or whether we get an apartment. But hearing this, I think I've had it pretty lucky here.

I think this is steering me more towards a house than an apartment. Less balcony issues to deal with. But I went to a couple of inspections before the lockdown hit and I had to go, like my girlfriend was working the day that one of these was on. So I've been bringing my dad to some inspections because my dad's an architect. So he's kind of got that, you know, he'll notice stuff about a place that you wouldn't otherwise

really be aware of. And I took him into this place, and we were looking around, and we're on the balcony of this like pretty nice building and we're looking into the the house next door it's like overgrown grass like a couple of pushy bikes sort of you know just like lying on their side in the backyard and then just like this ratty couch in the in the back shed and we're looking out over the balcony and my dad leans into me and he points at the house next door. He goes, get a look at that house. I bet a fair bit of weed smoking happens in there.

I'm like, yeah, sounds pretty good. Maybe I'm interested in this place. Maybe I can get in there. So, yeah, maybe. Is this, would I be right in saying that you bringing your dad along to a rental inspection is maybe some year 10 vibes? Is maybe going back to some younger sort of vibes? What, I'm going to fuck my dad?

Aren't you a 35-year-old man? Why are you bringing your dad along to a rental inspection? I say it because he's an architect. He's into it. He loves coming and checking out places. And he's like, he'll pick up stuff in there that would be an issue to live in a place with this thing in it that you would never otherwise think if you were just looking by yourself. What's an example? Things like which direction it's facing, where the sun comes in. Just things like this being here would be a pain in the ass over time.

This isn't designed very well. Also, your dad's a good hang right i mean yeah one of the main things i know about mr deslow is he's a guy montgomery fan so i don't see why he wouldn't be rolling around with this guy all the time yeah exactly yeah he's a big guy montgomery fan you're right that's how you and your dad met over your love of Guy Montgomery. The first thing we ever truly bonded over. Yeah. I am fascinated with this idea of him coming over and being

the senior architecture expert of what Tommy Daslow is going to move into and pay $200 a week for. You can imagine him walking through a kitchen going, probably cook some food in here. All that kind of stuff. Big mistake.

There's no toilet in this apartment. There is a good balcony though. That's something. For all the stuff I'm saying about how it is helpful there was one place i went to with him that was like over three levels and i was kind of just you know sort of looking at all the different spot like the bedroom and the living room and just kind of like checking out all the different spaces and sort of you know oh yeah yeah and my dad was just like walking up and down all the flights of stairs and then as we're leaving he goes 49 steps in this house.

49 steps from the front door to the roof. Now, think about that. Think about spending your life every day going up and down 49 steps. It's too many. It's just too many steps. That's a very good point. But I'd like to ask Mr. Daslow, Mr. Alsopop, Nii Allsop, how many steps should there be? What is the desirable amount of steps?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's not 49. Yeah, right. Obviously, like if you went into a very, very tiny one, he'd be the opposite. He'd be like three steps. But it has to be like close to 49. That means it's too small.

Because otherwise he wouldn't have bothered counting. He'd be able to just look at it and go, that's too many steps. So I think it must be, you know, maybe around 40 is okay. Right on the precipice. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, he just thinks he's like, imagine every time you go up and down these, you're going to have to be counting them in your head and that's going to drive you insane because I don't see any other way

you could live your life. You can't just walk up and down. Also, it sounds like a pretty exciting flat if, you know, the first time you go in there, within two seconds, your dad's counting the steps. It sounds like a good place. Well, yeah, that was the other thing. It was like in between, like, the living room and the bedroom

both looked out onto just a big brick wall. So it was like, don't worry, Dad, I'm not into it. Like, we're no risk of moving in here like the steps are i don't believe that for a second i reckon you were staring at the brick wall going what do you reckon dad pretty good thank god i brought you along to point that out tommy some windows face trees or other stuff. You'd be like, Dad, check that out. Could put up a big old flat screen.

The best of Guy Montgomery. Whack that on. Not a bad little joint, I reckon. At least with that brick wall there, you can't see any dirty weed smokers next door. Am I right, Dad? Yeah. That sounds like some fellow Guy Montgomery fans.

You could invite them over. Have a big old Guy Montgomery screening You'd do a lot worse You'd do a lot worse IRL house inspections aren't happening in Melbourne at the moment You've got to do them virtually So I can get my dad on a fucking Zoom call with me To look around a house Which is somehow even more pathetic

Than dragging him around to the actual inspection That is Especially if he insists on counting the steps. I'd love to see that. Oh, yeah. Getting the agent. Can you hold the laptop and walk up the steps and I'll count? Carl, for all the fun we're having hanging shit on Tommy

for going around these rental inspections with his dad, it sounds like you could use Mr. Daslow for your next trip upstairs to talk to the neighbor. Just some stern boomer being like, this has got to stop. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Anything. What I'm doing is, well, look, one and a half days in, maybe I finally cracked him.

But what I'm doing, I've been up there four or five times. It is absolutely not stopping. But I keep, I'm putting my my you know trying to put myself into the mind of the guy because he's like having to do what does this apartment look like i want to get a vibe of what this guy how he lives you know if he's willing to kind of let his dog piss on your place what else is he letting go is it is it a tidy place? I've just realised the old saying, don't get your dog to piss in my pocket and tell me it's raining.

Yeah, yeah. It's okay, but the thing is, I look from above, like when I walk down the street, you can sort of look up and you can see his balcony. And our balcony is like absolutely not furnished or decorated in any way. And you look up on his balcony and it's really nice. He's got like heaps of plants. He's got like decorations. He's got heaps of stuff up there.

So then he's like, I don't know whether it's like a thing where he looks at our thing that's not, our balcony is not decorated at all, not looked after at all and go, well, the dog piss can go down there. They're not doing anything with it. They've obviously got some fucking hovel. It won't make any difference. And just opens up the drain and lets the piss come down or not because it looks absolutely lovely.

I would literally like to be on that balcony. I'd like to have that balcony. He must love his house a lot because he won't spare like half an hour to take the dog outside. Like he just is willing. He spends every moment in this house. He doesn't want to miss, you know, a minute. Also, judging by the standards you've set for what a lot of art is

in your bedroom, Carl, I'm imagining there's probably one plant, perhaps a movie poster. No, there's one plant that's dead out there. That's all there is, and that's shoved in the corner. Somehow my wife has a less green thumb than me and decoration than me. There's one dead plant, hasn't even been pissed on. It's sitting in the corner. It is the safest spot in the balcony, to be honest.

It's the one bit that hasn't been pissed on at this point yeah um but yes you're right the decoration that you see in this bedroom is this is this is look um this is fucking like graceland compared to my balcony it is extremely sparse out there yeah your your your house looks like a lot of the rentals inspections i've been going to where there's no one living in there yet. Just a completely blank canvas. I've got two pictures up, mate. There's no blank brick wall in my house. There is two pictures officially on the wall. You're mocking me for bringing my dad, my architect dad, to inspections,

but if he'd been with you when you inspected the place you're in now, I guarantee you he would have been out on the balcony going, that piss funnel up there, that's going to drive you insane. Might not seem like a big deal now, but down the line it's going to be a real issue. If he was like some sort of real estate sniffer dog and he had to come around and smelt this problem, oh, absolutely worth putting him on hire for sure. But unfortunately, next house.

All right, let's wrap it up there for another week on the Little Dum Dum Club. Guy Montgomery, Melanie Bracewell, thank you very much for joining us. So, Mel, does that ring true, the description of the podcast that you had early on? Yes. Last night. How does that stack up to what you heard? I forgot to mention Guy also specified a lot of dog piss chat and a lot about Tommy's dad is what he said as well.

So it's been perfect. It's been exactly the description. Check it out, Mel. We've got 550-plus episodes just on dog piss, so it's well worth a listen. Yeah, 550 episodes building up to Carl telling this story with this much detail

yeah I've been I've run I've told the same story for 550 episodes this is the best this is the most worked up it's ever been

so I hope you think this is okay I hope it's not like lost and the ending really lets everyone down yeah it actually didn't even happen i just dreamt that the dog pissed onto my balcony i've just been obsessively talking about this dream i had about

dog piss for 10 years uh guy you've got your podcast the worst idea of all time that people can check out yeah we're doing we're releasing a mini series inside we've been watching a lot of softcore porn together tim and i and it's driving us crazy so we've started releasing some episodes of a new mini series we did called podcast in a tree took a couple of microphones outside climbed a tree recorded a podcast home to such segments as drugs in a tree or podcast in a Tree, Guest on the Ground. It's a very relaxing listen. Right, right. And also, I mean, you do what you want. I would suggest not having a new segment called Dog in a Tree.

Just while you've got a guest on the ground, I would say don't do that. Hello, Bruce. Your dog just walked in. No, I'm recording a... Hello, Bruce. Whoa, your dog just walked in. No, I'm recording a podcast. I'd like to say, Carl, the day that the Victorian New Zealand Travel Bubble reopens and we can get you as guest on the ground, we will be debuting dog and a tree guest on the ground.

Fantastic. It's not a great, I don't know, that's not a great omen for me to be feeling like finally a day and a half in, I think we've solved the problem, then a dog walks into my podcast. I don't like that at all. Mel, have you got stuff that you would like to plug? Oh, um,

not really. I mean, I'm trying. Fuck yeah. Not on this thing i was gonna plug my twitch but also i've been so bad at streaming so i won't so i'll just um you can find me on linkedin um and neopets.com you're on have you been paying attention all the time? Yeah, yeah. Watch that if you want. Yeah, that'd be cool. Watch broadcast television. That's my big plan. Yeah. Happy to help wherever we can.

I don't have any projects coming up, so I don't want to be like, ooh, check out my Insta. If they want to, they will. Yeah, sure. Must be nice to have a very, very popular TV show that you're on and you go, I don't know, I guess, if you want to. They will, you know? Yeah, sure. Must be nice to have a very, very popular TV show that you're on and you go, I don't know, I guess, if you want to. I was trying to.

We're begging people. We're begging people to buy fucking used furniture from us on fucking Gumtree. Yeah, and they're all covered in pits. Indoor furniture only, guys. I must insist. All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.

See you, mates. And they've done it again. Good call. I think they have. I think that was a bit of fun. Good. Bernie's kicked a big one. I think they have. I think that was a bit of fun. Good, good. Bernie's kicked a big one. It's like in footy parlance, you would say Bernie's kicked a big one.

It's early in the morning. That's why there's all that dew on the ball, like he's in the reserves or something. But I don't think it's dew. I think it's dog piss on the ball. But it's permeated the leather. It's a bit harder to kick as high, but he still roosted this one. You didn't want to, as like a tribute to the guests,

you didn't want to say like Bernie's cucked a bug one. Oh, that's good. That's very comedy. Yeah. Yeah. I really kept a lid on that for the hour that we were recording with those two. Yeah, you're right.

In Talking Dumb Dumb is where the lid can come off. Yeah. You might have seen there was a bit of delay on my end with everything I said because over and over in my head was just, don't say fush and chups, don't say fush and chups, because it's such a good one to say. It's very good. I mean, it's just good to get those two on as guests

because not to say that they're not funny people, but it doesn't really matter the content of what they're saying. When the accent sounds so delightful, I don't think anyone's going to be too fussed what's coming out of their mouths as long as they're getting to hear that beautiful accent. Did you mean to say you don't think anyone would be too fist over what they're saying? But you changed it into New Zealand accent? We need to get someone on here with like a thick South African accent. Then we can really have a lot of fun.

That's the ultimate dream guest. Very comedy. Just on a week where we don't have much to talk about, just someone with a funny accent. It's good. Yeah. Yeah. A funny accent riffing about apartheid with us. Yeah.

Fuck, we'd have a good time. Yeah. Right in our wheelhouse. It's with the classic sensitivity that we've shown over 550 episodes. It's raining. We're recording this the day after we recorded the main ep. It's raining, which is good. I'm a fan of rain in general, but i'm even more of a fan of rain at the moment because it just means it's washing my balcony every time oh yeah yeah yeah

it's it's feeling pretty good that i'm going out there and it's covered in water that i know where it's come from it's come from above but it's come from far above maybe um maybe we've uncovered something here you know that like stereotype of like of old Greek men standing out in their driveways just hosing down the concrete? Maybe that's dog piss related. Yeah, maybe the other... Because I can see people driving past your apartment and going like, old man Chandler, he's always just on the balcony with a hose, just hosing it off. It's like, what the fuck's he doing up there?

And the answer would be cleaning off the piss. It's more getting my wife to do that than me. So, yeah. Right. But close. But, yeah, maybe the old Greek, there's another Greek cliche from now on, is that they keep their dogs upstairs and that's why they're always washing the concrete downstairs. Yeah.

Was that the funny sidekick in the show Greeks on the Roof? Just their dog? Just pissing non-stop? Sort of hard to tell who was supposed to sidekick in the show Greeks on the Roof? Just their dog? Just pissing non-stop? Sort of hard to tell who was supposed to be funny in that show. So, yeah, it's a tough question. Not sure. Not sure. You should ask your mate.

I'll tell you what, if that's true, you're next. You're the one that's going to get pissed on because you've got a certain Greek friend above you, very close to you. So you'll be the next one to find out. Well, yeah, I mean, he'd have to have a hell of an aim to get me from where he is because he's like down an alleyway and slightly around a corner. If anyone, if anyone does, it would be that guy.

If anyone's going to brag about having a big, big, long aim, it would be that bloke. Exactly. Well, I think Wogboys Forever is currently in production, as I understand it. They're currently shooting. Even though we're in lockdown, it's an absolute essential service to get Wogboys Forever is currently in production, as I understand it. They're currently shooting. Even though we're in lockdown, it's an absolute essential service to get Wogboy 3. So it makes sense. Yeah, that's pretty funny.

Like a guy who, Nick Giannopoulos has been so like vehement, like sharing memes about how like if you don't wear a mask, you're a malacca and stuff like that. But then once we're in lockdown and he has some kind of self-interest in breaking it to film a Walkboys TV show, he's perfectly happy to let all of that fall by the wayside. Oh, look, you know, that's great. I mean, if you had asked me five seconds ago,

do you think Nick Giannopoulos is an anti-masker or anti-vaxxer or not? I mean, I wouldn't have had a lot of confidence in him. So, look, great if he's sharing those sort of positive memes. No, yeah, he's been, yeah, he all of last year was on the front lines about, yeah, do the right thing, wear a mask, like don't break lockdown, don't be a cunt. Yeah, he's surprisingly very, very vigilant about it. Wow.

Well, I did see him. The one time I've ever seen him was in a supermarket and he was heavily in disguise so that people wouldn't recognise him as he was buying a few fucking paddle pops and going through the dairy aisle. So, yeah, maybe just that suits him. So he's not annoyed by the hordes of Wogboy fans. Maybe it just works both ways for him. Oh, you think he likes the mask, right?

Because it's like an easy form of incognito. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone wear dark sunglasses as well, guys. It keeps coronavirus away. Yeah. So he hasn't been kicking around the apartment complex too much lately, that means. No, he's been out on set.

But yeah, as I mentioned in the episode, I'm looking to move soon. So pretty soon, yeah, pretty soon there'll be no more, there'll be significantly less Geonopolis in my house. Unless, you know, maybe by chance I'll end up moving around the corner from Vince Colosimo or something. Yeah. Who's that? Who would you like to move into the same apartment block?

If you had to pick a, if you had to aim for a replacement Giannopoulos, who could you – what sort of Australian media figure? Someone from the – it's just a media figure, not like WOG-affiliated. Doesn't – well, it can be. Just anyone in the media. That's a bit of extra icing on the moussaka, if you can. Yeah.

But otherwise, just someone of that same sort of standing That's a bit of extra icing on the masaka, if you can, but otherwise. Just someone of that same sort of standing in the Australian media landscape. Yeah. Okay. Bryn Edelston. Oh, that's good. That's very good. She notoriously once went out with an open mic-er, an open mic comedian in Melbourne.

It was engaged. Yeah, and then he started doing gear about it, right? There was like a story about him in the paper and I think he was like plugging gigs. He really thought like dating her was going to be his big break. Yeah, yeah. Look, I'm sure he had some gear about it. I mean, I don't think he had gear about much else. But yeah, I hope that inspired a lot of open mic comedians, actually,

or potential open mic comedians, that if you get into stand-up comedy, even the bottom end of it, look what you can do. You can be going out with Australia's Marilyn Monroe. Bryn Edelston. Yes, yes. Yeah, I'd like to live near Bryn or I'd like to live near Belle Gibson. That'd be the other one. Oh, my God. That'd be great to just be able to, like, keep near Bryn or I'd like to live near Belle Gibson. That would be the other one. Oh, my God.

That would be great to just be able to keep an eye on what she's up to. That's next level. That's absolutely next level. I'm not even counting that as sort of a joke thing. Like, you know, Nick Giannopoulos, Bryn Anderson. I'm not saying it as a joke. They're sort of funny figures. But Belle Gibson, my God.

Oh, I love it. The fake cancer versus the real cancer. Funny figures. But Belle Gibson, my God. Oh, I love it. The fake cancer versus the real cancer. Is that why you'd want to live next to her? Just to either confront her or to give her tips on next time she tries it? No, yeah. No, it turns out I've been lying about it this whole time on the podcast. So, you know, I see her as a safe place.

I come in and I go, me too. Yeah, right. I've also been lying about it. podcast so i you know i see her as a safe place i come in and i go oh yeah right so but people that don't know bell gibson was a lied about having cancer for a long time got a lot of money and then got confronted about it and uh man she she actually my wife used to work for penguin publishing and uh she wrote a cookbook right she wrote a cookbook where it was like here's these recipes that cured my cancer more or less yeah yeah and so that and they did a thing and this is not information through my wife this is just from reading about it but uh they didn't do their due digilance of uh diligence i should say on um whether she had cancer or not with which i don't know it's that's a tough one for a book editor to go. Yeah.

How do we test for cancer? Do we stick something up your bum or what? If someone says to you that they have cancer, I really don't think that you can say that the onus is on the person receiving that information to go and validate that. I really don't think that's fair. Imagine Milan being the book editor at Penguin. Oh, hi, Belle. Prove it.

Prove it. Prove it. Yeah. Yeah. No, I really don't. I don't think that anyone in there should be too, you know, should feel like they've dropped the ball too much on that one. Like, I think that that's a statement where you just have to trust

in the good of people and take them at face value. Although, this shows us that, you i get maybe yeah maybe it's all maybe there's people that talk about like in the good old days before bell gibson you could just say you had cancer and that was enough for people but she changed everything now you've got to come in you've got to bring in the blood sample yeah like they've got their own independent doctors that do the test for you you're going to come in with the drip you've got to take chemo in front of them. Yeah. Gordon Ramsay comes in with a cookbook idea and it's like, come on, make us a souffle.

We don't know if you're a chef or not, you know. You've just got to prove whatever you do when you go into Penguin Publishing from now on. That would be great. It is like, yeah, look her up if you're in a part of the world where you've never heard of her. Because it's, I mean, lying about the cancer is one thing. Like that's already brazen enough. But then to take it to the next level of going, not only am I going to lie about that,

I'm going to lie about having cured it myself with these recipes. Yeah. It's like you couldn't, even the most mental person I know, I don't think could cook up something that deranged. Well, not without the Belle Gibson cookbook, i don't think could cook up something that deranged well it's it's not not without the bell gibson cookbook she couldn't cook it up but um no yeah she no i'm like i'd like to get the cookbook and like what if you tried a couple of things in there and you were like honestly this is the best food i've ever tasted what if you became like if he became like a real

champion of the recipes it's like i know i know it was all bullshit and I know it's very like morally reprehensible what she did, but her fucking carbonara is the best I've ever had. Let's have a Bell Gibson dinner party. Just the recipes from the cookbook. Oh, fuck. What sort of recipes? I bet it's all like, not bad, but like, you know, really over the top health food kind of stuff, right? Oh, absolutely.

But you can't, surprisingly, you can't buy the book anymore, Tommy. So, sorry, you're going to have to do some deep diving to get the recipes out. But there would be, surely there'd be secondhand copies. No, Penguin. Yeah, you'd be able to find it on like eBay or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or if anyone's out there, if any listener has a copy of the Bell Gibson cookbook,

absolutely hit us up, please. I want to write, what do you reckon? Your wife's in the house with you at the moment. Do you reckon you could pick her brain based on her past experience at Penguin? If I went in there and said, here's my cookbook and it's recipes that are guaranteed to give you cancer.

Do you think I'd have half a chance? I'm just on the other side of it. I'm like, I'm not saying, hey, she said it, Q is it? I've had it and this is what I ate right before it. So I'm forced to believe that this is what gave it to me. I don't know for sure, but this is just me uneducated. But I'm not sure if there's a market. I can't imagine there being a great market for people that want cancer.

Again, again, that's just me speaking for me, so I'm not sure. I'll look into it. I'll look into it. So you think that that's the only red flag about the idea? Yeah, well, that's the first one. There's not a market for it. That's the uh that's you think that's the only red flag about the idea yeah well that's the first market for it that's the first one we don't need to examine all the red flags if the first one's that big you know what i mean the um the listing on amazon is great the whole pantry hard cover april 23rd 2015 out of print limited availability by bell gibson one star out of

several seven ratings and then in bold, Amazon editorial note, the author of this book has admitted that she fabricated her diagnosis of terminal brain cancer. And then it just goes into the copy, Belle Gibson's first cookbook, The Whole Tantry, refreshes our food habits with recipes that are as easy to do as they are healthy and delicious. How do the reviews read like? Is there a lot of like one star, I still have cancer?

Yeah, one star. Wow, I can't believe that Amazon still has this book on its website and that this is still in the description. Belle Gibson, if you ever read this, shame on you. One star. Shame on you. One star. I do love the idea of Belle Gibson still reading the reviews now in 2021.

Yeah, maybe people have come around to it. It's unappreciated in its own time, but maybe it's found its audience now. One star. Written by a scam artist who lied to become a millionaire. There are better books with more factually accurate information that have not been written by a confirmed scam artist. It would be cool. Yeah, there's a few unconfirmed scam artists out there that have got cookbooks that you should be putting your money into first

before the confirmation. Yeah, it's just all these one stars saying she lied. But which, you know, I have to – in fairness, that but which you know i have to in fairness that's you know that's not really anything to do with the quality of the book itself yeah that's it they're reviewing they're reviewing the person and her act they're not reviewing uh you know the flan recipe that's in there maybe we should maybe look if we can get a hold of these recipes and we can make some of them ourselves maybe we can oh yeah the even-headed reviewer maybe we can get on hold of these recipes and we can make some of them ourselves, maybe we can be the even-headed reviewer. Maybe we can get on and go, it's horrible what she did.

She doesn't – you can say as a cancer survivor, it's an absolute betrayal of trust. It's scandalous. It's heartbreaking coming from someone who's gone through it myself. But I'll tell you what, those party pies were absolutely delicious. Four and a half stars. This is a great – Half a star off for lying about cancer.

This is like a really great YouTube channel idea, an actual cancer survivor going through and cooking and reviewing every dish in the Bell Gibson cookbook. Strap in for this. Here we go. Healthy versions of favorites such as enchiladas, Cornish pasties, Pad Thai, and vanilla and almond chocolate chip cookies. Prove that a plant-based diet can be delicious and inspiring

without straining your shopping list. Great. That sounds nice to me. There you go. We could make a little three-course meal. It's so funny the wording of this Amazon editorial note where it's like, it's so specific but it's kind of written in a way as if it's an editorial note that they have to deploy semi-regularly.

You know what I mean? The author of this book has admitted that she fabricated her diagnosis of terminal brain cancer. Time to chuck that one on the listing again. Boys, it's happened again. So is it actually on sale there? Can you purchase a copy right there? No, there's a listing for it, but it's just got out of print.

It's just out of print. Limited availability. You can request it. It's like a form thing where you can request them to let you know. Oh, when it goes back into print. Yeah. that you know when it goes back into print. Yeah, when the 20th anniversary edition is, yeah. So there's no, you can't get an e-book? You can't get an e-book version or anything?

Here we go. eBay. Okay, here we go. Lowest price, $26.95. Yeah, I found an eBay listing for it. I found a few eBay listings for it. And they're all like around $6.95. Yeah, I found an eBay listing for it. I found a few eBay listings for it. And they're all like around $30. Wouldn't it be funny if it was like really expensive secondhand

because it's so rare now? Yeah. Do you want to order a copy of it? Yeah, absolutely. I do like the idea of people getting it, thinking it's going to cure their cancer, then it comes out she didn't have cancer, and those people just immediately going to eBay going,

this book is useless. And encouraging someone else to buy it instead, like putting on their own listing, I know she didn't have cancer, but I feel like it got rid of a little bit of my cancer, so it's worth a read. Alright. Pay with PayPal. Postage.

Click and collect. Oh. Send it to me, thanks. Go and pick it up from someone's house that owns a copy of Bell Gibson's cookbook. That'd be nice. Yeah. Go pick it up from the hospital.

Pick it up from out the back of Penguin. From the skip. From the pulper. Yeah. All right. I think it's gone through. What do we got? All right.

You should get it by the 17th of June. Oh, great. You've made someone pretty happy right now. Like someone has put Bell Gibson's cookbook on eBay and gone, as if anyone's going to buy this. Yeah, I'm not really, I'm sort of doing it, you know, I'm kind of trying to talk and do this at the same time. So I hope I, yeah, I think I've done it. Yeah, yeah, that's the right book.

It'd be great if I now get an email from the person selling it being like, just so you know, this, you know, she like came out or if I got in first and emailed them and was like, hey, I've got to say like, thank you for putting this book on eBay because I've just found out I have terminal cancer and doctors have told me medicine can't do anything for me, i i heard about this fantastic book and i just got to say you've saved my life by having it on ebay because i couldn't find it anywhere else oh i mean this i'm so fascinated with her like because she's genuinely a sociopath slash psychopath i've i've read the book about her

i've read every article there is about her i'm i was like tempted at one stage i was like what if i made some sort of podcast about this like just just straining out every little detail i could find about her and having a different guest every week and i was like then then you're like hang on you've got to remember you're in the real life not in the middle of talking dum-dum where do people think this is funny if I'm on there with a comedian every week talking about someone who has broken the hearts and dreams of many thousands of cancer sufferers out there and me going, oh, look at this picture of her in the tracky-dacks when she walked outside of the house, the dumb bitch. Probably not.

Yeah, without the buffer of me, an actual cancer survivor on there, it really changes it quite significantly. Yeah, yeah. Because, yeah. So what's her new thing, right? She's infiltrated the African community. That's like a real thing, isn't it? She started turning up to some churches in Melbourne. Yep.

In the West, she turned up and sort of changed religions to some sort of African church and was in there. And she also, there was a bit of news in there the other day. I've got the Google Alerts turned on for Belle Gibson. And she is, I believe she offered to represent someone in court recently. So with her history, I'm not sure if that was,

you know, that's probably, she's no Perry Mason is what I would say. Well, I mean, she fucking, you know,

she managed, albeit briefly, to convince an entire country that she had cancer and that she had come up with the cure for it. So, I think she'd make a fucking great lawyer.

She's the queen of spin. I think I've told, I can't remember if I've said this on the show or not, but I have told you this in person that a good friend of my girlfriend's used to work with her and like knew her pretty well. So I'll have to remember, I think I'm meant to be seeing her in the next couple of weeks at a thing with her friends

if we're out of this lockdown which it looks like we will be so next time I see her I'll press her for some info please because we could have a little subsection within Talking Dum Dum Talking Bell

Talking Gibbo what about Talking Gibbo Talking Gibbo I've been nominated for an award called the Golden Gibbo Award which I Talking Gibbo? Talking Gibbo. I've been nominated for an award called the Golden Gibbo Award, which I thought was for my comedy show, but maybe actually it was due to my services to cancer. The event that I'm meant to be seeing this person at is a baby shower.

It would be pretty funny if I insist on going like, guys, I'm going to cook. I'm going to cater for this baby shower. Don worry i'm gonna i'm gonna provide all the food and then i just turn up with tray upon tray of food from the bell gibson cookbook and i'm just like this is good luck this is to ensure that the baby will never have cancer this is a this is the cancer vaccine i've got it yeah this sausage roll is the cancer vaccine um fuck've got it. Yeah. This sausage roll is the cancer vaccine. Fuck, someone's missed a trick there. The COVID equivalent of Bell Gibson.

The anti-COVID cookbook. Oh, yes. Here's recipes that keep corona at bay. Yeah. Now, I have to say, like, I have to quantify. I am obsessed with it because I feel like it's i feel like it's almost like in within myself i've run out of crazy people in in comedy she's she's to me she's a bit like an open mic um some crazy weird person has come down and tried to to get on and

use all these weird references to get on at spleen or something she i just feel like there's a lot of parallels with open mic comedy with what she's done. Yeah, it's fascinating. I would genuinely love to hear a thing about, not just her, but the actual book getting up. It's deception on such an incredible scale that really feels like a lightning in a bottle. I would love to hear a behind the scenes. It's a Jenga.

If you get people to talk who worked at the publisher of all the steps that led to that happening, that gave her that platform. I'll give you the book I've got. So much of it they have to sort of almost make up and sort of fabricate a little bit because they can't get everyone to talk about it at Penguin or at you know

certain places they've sort of got it yeah and their mates sort of shut shop a lot of people that had anything to do with her i think was so ashamed that they're like no we're not going to talk about this for a book we don't really want to sound like some fucker i'm reading a book at the moment about like big companies going under and it's full of like there's a lot of people involved with these stories that have talked to the author direct, so they're quoted in the book. And then there's a lot of third-hand stuff where he's like,

oh, and then this happened, and the company decided to do this. And then a little asterisk, and then down the bottom it's like, this company declined my request to comment for this book. You love that. It's like, oh, you're running scared. It just makes the person look like so guilty just by virtue of them not wanting to contribute to some shitty little book well i'll lend you the book it's i can't remember what it's called something like the the the girl who lied to

the world or something like that and um the big c with the big c yeah yes um and it's just that's her her whole life is she's just, that's her whole life. She just lied about stuff her whole life. So that's the thing. That's what I find so intriguing is she's still doing it now. Like she's still, like the great stuff about the court cases and everything, because she owes half a million dollars in, she's been fined. And they go through her records and like as everyone's still going off about her,

she was like taking trips to Africa and Bali and stuff and all these things. Yeah, right. And they're going, how did you get the money from this? And they go through her bank records and it's given to her by this person. And they're like, who's that person? She's like, I don't know. I didn't really ask. Like, oh, so you just were given tens of thousands of dollars

and you didn't think to ask. And she's like, no, it's none of my business. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's fine. Well, she's actually cashed in from a Nigerian prince by the sounds of it. Wow. No, what it actually is, I believe, is she's got a husband or a boyfriend or whatever. They can't get proper records.

And it sounds like everything's been siphoned off to him or something like that. Right, right. And then she's like, yeah, I don't know who that guy is. And they're like, he lives with you. And she's like, yeah, not sure about that. And they're like, we're pretty sure you married him. Yeah, can't comment on that. Don't have all the facts available to me.

You can't even admit that that person lives with you. I can see through your window right now. It is. It's so fascinating. seeing through your window right now it is it's so fascinating like adults who are like chronic uh liars uh are just the most like fascinating form of person because like you know when you're a little kid like everyone everyone bullshits in some way you know because you're figuring out like morality and stuff like that and you know every little kid tells little little porky pies in some way or another but the people that get to full-blown adults and they've just never given that up

and they're like 30 and just saying stuff that is like wholesale bullshit, like complete fabrication. And thinking that they're going to be able to pull the wool over other adults that they know is just that part of the brain being missing is just fascinating. Yeah, and she's got a kid as well. So I'm fascinated with the idea of how that kid's growing up. If you get taught about the world by that person, do you have a chance? Is there any chance?

It's my birthday today. No, it's not. Yeah. God. You know what? I wonder. God. You know what?

I wonder. Look, we will have to cut short or cut long this episode of Talking Gibbo. But I wonder if she's an anti-masker. I wonder if she's an anti-vaxxer. I'd like to know her opinions on the coronavirus. I would love to know. Yeah. Good point. I wonder if there's any – I'll just Google her now to see if there's been any news articles pop up.

There is. She got raided. Her house was raided the other day. They were trying to take assets from her. I wonder if she had any copies of her own book. She probably does. That's why they raided her. They couldn't get it on Amazon.

That's what you're buying now. You're buying this from the government. All right, yeah, well, we'd better put a pin in Talking Gibbo for this week. Let's move on to, of course, I've just dropped a cool $30 on a fraudulent cookbook. And the reason I'm able to do that with basically zero hesitation is because of good little boys and girls out there that listen to this and support the show through patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. Let's move sideways from one scam to another.

Yes. Yeah, we're lying about the quality of this content, just like she lied about the truth of her cancer. Yeah, you can get two bonus episodes a week, little mini bonus episodes with great guests. They're a lot of fun, lots

of people enjoying them, and also most importantly, you get your name read out and immortalized in an episode of Talking Dum Dum. And from here on out, if you are a new subscriber and you would prefer to be immortalized in Talking Gibbo instead, let us know. Maybe we could make that happen. Maybe we could talk to the boys. Maybe in a Talking Dum Dum, we could talk to the boys in a Talking Gibbo and see if they're prepared to do it.

Yeah, maybe if you're a Patreon subscriber that has cancer, you can get read out in Talking Gibbo. But again, we're not going to fall for the same trick that Penguin Books fell for. You need to prove. You need to send a little piece of your cancer to us so that we know. What if Talking Gibbo became so popular that that's our next merch item, the Talking Gibbo hoodie? It's got a picture of her on it. And it's just basically we just start doing all this stuff to try and smoke her out to get her as a guest on Talking Gibbo.

What if we do a live show out the front of her house? That would be good. Oh, yeah. But, yes, we have to fire up the unplanned title alternator, which is now going to give us a random assortment of names to read out and say thank you for the shekels that you contribute into our bank accounts. Absolutely. Each and every month.

Yep. This is all completely true. Unlike the star of Talking Gibbo, we're not full of shit. All of these names exist. These are all real people. And we have the cure for boredom and the cure for anonymity. How do you pronounce that word? Anonymity.

Anonymity? Anonymity. Anonymity, that's it. We've got the cure for anonymity. We're going to put your name up in lights right now. Thank you very much. First cab off the rank. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber number one this week, Matt Trappett.

Trappett. T-R-A-P-P-E-T-T. Trappett. There he is. That's what you need to do to your neighbor's dog next time you see it in the street. Oh, yeah. Well, that's what our balcony did to the piss mat. Piss mat trap it.

We trapped the piss mat. Five Ts in piss mat trap it. Fuck. A lot of Ts. That's a lot of T's. Look, I'll put it out there. I don't reckon there's going to be anyone with more T's in their name in this episode. I'd love to see a 6T name, but I'm very pessimistic about it.

So Piss Matt has absolutely taken the cake, I reckon. I'm calling it. Well, we don't know about... He might have a middle name. His middle name might be, you know, even if it's just Timothy, his middle name could have a T in it. Yeah. And that's really driving him into...

Do you think, what kind of middle name would he have to have in order for him to reach double- t's in his name oh i'm trying to think of even once one name with two t's in it i wonder if you can even google that what's the name with two t's in it probably not uh hmm i mean if his middle name was matt that'd do it matt so his middle matthew matth Matthew Matt. Drap it. Right. There must be people that have the same name for their middle name, right? There'd be parents out there demented enough to do that. I really hope not because there's absolutely no need for that.

Yeah. Look, this is probably a request that doesn't get a lot of – there you go. His middle name might be Annette. There you go. There's two Ts. Yep. Yep. Yep.

Matthew Nannett Trappett. Fine. You actually can Google what's the name that contains two Ts, and they have absolutely dozens of them. Yep. Emmett. He could be Emmett. Emmett. Yep. He could be Emmett. Emmett, yep. He could be Scarlett.

He could be Wyatt. He could be... There's a lot of ets. That's an easy one, isn't it? What's a name? Abbott. He could be Abbott. Matthew Abbott Trappett.

Yeah, Abbott Trappett. I don't mind that at all. What about Kitty? That's a better one. Matthew Kitty Trappett. Matthew Kitty Trappett. Yeah, Abbotrappet. I don't mind that at all. What about Kitty? That's a better one. Matthew Kitty Trappet. Matthew Kitty Trappet. There you go. There's seven Ts in his full name.

Kitty's a good name. Is Kitty one of Dave O'Neill's children's names? Oh, maybe. He's got a lot of cartoon-sounding kids, so it could absolutely be. Yeah, he's named his kids in public before. I don't feel bad saying this. Who's that? Jasper? Jasper, Barney and Kitty.

Yeah. God. Just – It sounds like they should have their own ABC3 kids cartoon show or something. Yeah. It's so funny thinking about, like – I remember listening to Nova nova radio back in the day when dave o'neill announced that he's had his that he'd had his first kid and i think that kid

is now like about to finish school yeah fucking crazy yeah yes um okay um so Matt Trappett. Yeah, Matt Trappett's a long-time subscriber. Yeah, so he's been on board for quite a while. So thanks for all the support. Is this a squeaky wheel situation? Completely random. But, yeah, he does seem to be an inclusion that's a little bit of a squeaky wheel. So I'm sure that's just a coincidence. Yep. Yep, sure. Yeah, so he's probably waited a little bit longer than previous people for this name readout.

So thanks for hanging in there, Seven Tees. Mr. T himself. Oh, yes, there we go. Mr. T. Yeah Oh, yes, there we go, Mr. T. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I pity the fool who enjoys this dog shit content. Yeah.

I ain't getting on that Patreon read is what he said before this week. Yeah, there we go. Thanks, Mr. T. Well worth the wait, Matt. Yep, yep. Thanks, Trappo. Thanks, Seven T. Thanks, Mr. T. Well worth the wait, Matt. Yep, yep. Thanks, Trappo. Thanks, 17. Thanks, Mr. T.

Okay, thank you very much to second cab off the rank this week. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Jake Greenhall. I'll say his name is. It's G-R-E-E-N-H-a-l-g-h how you what do you reckon there i'm going to say jake green hall h-a-l-g-h h-a-l-g-h green half or no surely not that's that's what that would be ph wouldn't it Surely not. That would be P-H, wouldn't it? This is G-H.

Well, yeah, but enough is G-H. Oh, yeah. You can get an F sound out of G-H. Fucking hell. Okay. Green half, sort of, mate. I mean, if it was green hall, wouldn't it just be double L? What's going on here? If it was green half, wouldn't it just be H-A-L-F?

You could say that about anything. Well, yeah, okay. Green half. Look, it does sound good. It does say that about anything. Well, yeah, okay. But look, it is, it does sound good. It does sound good to me now that you've said that. But it is absolutely the stupidest ass backwards way around of getting that sound out of your name. It is

ridiculous. Yeah, I don't know why. I mean, if you're gonna, you know, people change their names for all sorts of reasons and people take complete, you know, 180s on their names. But no shame reasons and people people take complete you know 180s on their names but no shame in going in and changing your name and just like lopping a couple of clunky letters off and replacing it with the sound instead yeah just tidy it up just do a bit of tidying up it's i've said this before but it should be free if you go in and you're like look

i'm always having to explain to people that this is a f sound and it's and it's not it's not hall it's the gh can you give me a freebie if i just change it to f instead of gh yeah and they'd be like yeah look that's that's fine we're not really doing much here but people you know people go in for for a trim physically why not go in for for a trim with your name you know people go in and get their nose done or whatever which is this – this would be good. You know, have you ever seen like famous, famous, famous people on TV? They'll be like some very attractive actress who goes in and gets the nose done and gets whatever done. And then it's like, oh, wow, they're stunning. And then they have a kid.

And then, of course, those augmented features don't carry on to their children. So then their children come out with a big old honker. And it's like, how the fuck did I get this? It's like, yeah, I had my nose done. So that's what this person, Greenhalgh, they should change their surname but not change the name of their kids. Right, right. So they, yeah, yeah, I see what you're saying. It would be funny, though, if any surgery that you had had done did carry through genetically

to your, so it's like, right, but you've never wanted to have, you know, you're like, whatever, you know, you play the hand you were dealt. I'm not a vain person. I know I'm not the best looking person, but that's fine. But then right before you have a kid, you like i want my kid to be hot so you go in and you get the surgery like eight months pregnant you get a nice job you get your boobs done you get it all fucking taken care of shit loads of botox and you and then you're saying to your kid like look at what i looked like in the eight months i was pregnant before i had you i did did this for you. I love the idea of a guy transitioning and just becoming like a drag queen, getting big

old honkers on his chest and then donating sperm to a sperm bank. And then that person, you know, someone being impregnated with that and some girl who ends up with just double Fs. It's like, yeah, my dad had huge implants. So this is just how it worked. This is how it happened. Thanks, Dad. Yeah, baby comes out with, like, tons of mascara just, like, permanently on.

Like the Joker, yeah. I think it's funny with – I watched a fair bit of, like, reality TV in the last lockdown, and it's funny, like, watching this show where there's this one, like like really hot girl on it and going and but she's on this show and she kind of got famous from being on another show so we went back and we watched the original show that she had been on and she looks completely different like so clearly in between the two of them she's had so much work done like she's gone on this one as a no one and she's had a bit of a taste of it and she's gone, right, if I want to make a career out of being

on these MTV reality shows, the nose has got to get smaller, the tits have got to get bigger, the forehead's got to get smoother. It's like we watched like a whole episode where like, is she even fucking in this? And then we went at the end of the episode, it's like, fuck, that's her. Jesus Christ. Yeah, right.

Do you know anyone that's had work done? Do you know? No, I don't actually. Do you? I can't think of anyone. I'm trying to – I mean, we do work in entertainment. I mean, we should probably know someone, but there's probably not a lot of – Oh, well, you know, Joel Creasy says he gets Botox he he openly says that that that's something yep yep that's that's i feel like

botox is kind of like yeah yeah that's almost like not doesn't quite count maybe but also he's so young that like he's gotten it so young it doesn't really matter i feel like botox has kind of like slid off the scale of like, uh, of, of really being considered as like, um, yeah, getting work done because it's just like a little, I think it only really becomes an issue when it's like people have had so much over the course of their life that their face doesn't seem to move in any kind

of natural way anymore. But I think a little, I think a little top up. I think my mom has had a little had a little shot of Botox here. Really? Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

She had some nose work done too because she had like a little cancer thing taken out of the side of her nose. Oh, yeah. That's always the story. Oh, no. I couldn't breathe properly so I had to get a nose job.

Oh, right. That's always the story with those people that go in for a job. It's always something about breathing, breathing difficulties, which is why I got rid of that absolutely fucking six-foot-long nose I had and have this Rebecca Judd fucking model right now. No, it was more like she got a little cancerous thing taken out of the side of her nose. I think it looked all weird and she got it fit, but I don't know. I don't know why she had to get the cancerous thing taken out instead of just eating a good lasagna and that'll cure it right up.

Well, I heard she got a little cancerous thing taken out of her about 35 years ago. That's what I heard. Yeah, very nice. Very nice. I was a C-section, so yeah, they had to fucking chop it out. Chop me up and scoop it out. The eight kilo tumour they had to get out. That's it.

Thank you very much, Jake. Thanks, Jake. Jake Greenhalf. Is that what we're saying? Jake Greenhalf? I think half. I think we're going with half. I would say one of the silliest sounding sequels,

I would say it's probably my number one, that Chinatown was such a revered, renowned, regarded movie. And then the sequel's called The Two Jakes. I was always like, that is a shit sequel name. I didn't know that. I've never seen Chinatown. Yeah, me neither, actually. Thanks, Jake.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Aiden Coghlan. Oh, this is another. Fuck. Two GHs in a row. Now, this is the other GH, I assume. Coghlan. Can't be Coughlan. That's insane.

Aiden Coughlan. It's got to be Aiden Coghlan. Yeah. I feel like I – fuck. I know like – I kind of know through someone else. There's an old friend of mine who married someone with this surname. And I know I've heard it pronounced. I'm sure.

I can't fucking remember how it is. I'm sure it's Coughlin because Coughlin is insane. So I'm just – it just can't be that. But also on top of that, I'm pretty sure my Coughlin because Coughlin is insane. So it just can't be that. But also on top of that, I'm pretty sure my landlord in a house in Ballarat had that name. And we used to call him Coggers. Coggers, okay. Well, not that he wanted that as a nickname. He was like an old prick.

We just used to go, fuck you, Coggers, out a window as he drove off. Yeah, well, maybe he didn't like being called Coggers because he's like, it's coffers. Yeah. How to pronounce... Okay, I found a YouTube video of how to pronounce it. That's never real though because there's always just like a Siri thing

where they don't really know like real life. They're just making up phonetically how it should go in their own computer brain. I'm trying to listen to this. All right. Okay, this guy says Coughlin's. No, it can't be Coughlin. There's no one in the world called Coughlin as a surname.

It's not happening. What if we're zero for two with these? It is Greenhaug and it's Coughlin. Coughlin, they swap. What's going on with these back-to-back GHs this week? Very strange stuff. Yeah, a real glitch in the matrix. Yeah, I'm going to have uh bring the uta in for a

service i think because this this is the sort of thing that shouldn't happen they said in the you know it's it's covered for this sort of thing this should not happen it's under warranty still that you should not be able to get two ghs in a row so we're gonna have to go in for a free free service simulation is malfunctioning no yes yes yes uh Yes, yes. Yeah, Coggers. He was my landlord. He was, I think, I believe at the time we lived in the house. He was the landlord. We lived in the house of the mayor of Ballarat at the time.

We were living in the mayor's house. Well, like the mayor owned it. Yeah, yeah. The mayor had a little investment property going yeah and he ran his catering business out the back of the uh of the house so he was he was in there the whole time uh we were just living in his house and he was like out the back and he would he never admitted it but he would let himself into the house because he you know he's got the keys and whatever he would just let himself in and have a look around and he'd come to us with complaints

and be like yeah you did this and it's like the only way you would know that is if you let yourself into the house which is illegal by the way do you um did you when you were at school did you have uh did you have lunch orders or did you just have the tuck shop? Primary school we had lunch orders. Yeah, we had lunch orders at my school where you'd write what you wanted in a little paper bag, put your money in, and then it would go off to this woman's house. And she just had basically a little mini catering business in her house. So my mum every now and then would go and work with this woman.

She would help out with the lunch orders, which was fucking awesome. Cause if I had a lunch order that day that mum was working there, just a few extra little treats in the bag. Yeah. Great. And then every now and then there was like a couple of days where I was like sick from school and I would like, mum would be working there.

So she would take me along and I would just find my friends, like, lunch order bags and just, like, pile as much shit in there as I could. And anyway, I remember that the other day, and I was talking to mum about it, and she was like, oh, you know that woman who did the lunch orders? You know who her daughter grew up to become? The woman who started the Carmen's Muesli empire. Oh, really?

The head of Carmen's Muesli, yeah. I've been eating that lately, the muesli of Carmen's Muesli, yeah. I've been eating that lately, the muesli bars. Yeah. Me too, yeah. Because they're on special in the supermarket all the time, so I'm like, okay, I'll get that. That's pretty cheap. I think they've got too much of a range.

Which ones do you get? I just get the plain, completely... Oh, chocolate fudge. Oh, really? Yeah, every time. Tastes good. I just get the completely, the fruit and the fruit-free, the like completely standard one just as a quick little on-the-go pick-me-up. Yeah. But yeah, shout-out Carmen's Muesli. Shout-out Carmen's mum.

Yeah. Lunch order lady from back in the day. Yeah. I, there was a, speaking of lunch orders, yeah, you'd put in the envelope and write on the envelope what you wanted sausage roll big m etc um it felt like magic it felt a lot more satisfying when i got to big school and it was like okay you can handle handing the money over to a person now you can handle just going to a counter and getting it it wasn't it wasn't

as exciting something about that something about that big box coming into the um to the classroom and like anyone if you didn't have a lunch order that day you wanted to fucking kill yourself just the smell of hot pies like going through the room oh but what about what about if you got the wrong order that that was a disaster i don't have any memories of that happening yeah i think i i've got a memory of that happening where I'm not a fan of tomato sauce, and especially as a kid. And I think I got a sausage roll once that was just covered in tomato sauce and I was like, I cannot eat lunch now.

I guess I'm going hungry. That's that. We had our list going for a little while of, what was it? It was from something we talked about on here about strange things that people don't like and tomato sauce has got to be up there. Tomato sauce is an insane thing to have a hatred for.

Yeah, well, it's possibly my number one. I've still got that list. We should talk about it one week on Talking Dumb. I've still got the list because I think there are plenty more insane things than that on that list, to be honest. But speaking of the old lunch order that was the last time um last time my uh my wife don't say her name went to kosamui which was the

second kosamui international podcast festival before we started the festival we uh stayed in some other places for a better week uh which was the absolute wrong order to do things in, to have a week holiday and then do the festival and then sort of go insane. Yep. It should have been the other way around. But we hung out up north near Beauport and we went on this beach and there was like no one around and there was this one guy that had a business.

His business, very loosely um i guess you would say business but he had like a little like just a couple bits of wood and that was his bar and it was like hey here's my bar and i'm like that's funny i'm gonna go to this guy's bar just a couple bits of wood and he was just some guy from germany who um was like you know just just he he worked at his little bar without his shirt off for the rest of his life, just some 60-year-old dude. And I'm like, man, I want to be this guy. And so we're just drinking there.

And he was just forcing us because he's obviously just sitting on the beach all day doing nothing. So he had all these beach games, activities, and he just forced us to play them. We're like, we don't want to do this. He's like, no, you have to do them now. And so he had someone to play with. And people would just walk down the beach and he'd force them into playing as well. And we're like, we don't want to do this he's like no you have to do them now and so so he had someone to play with and people would just walk down the beach and he'd force them into playing as well and we're like we don't want to fucking play these he's like too bad what's he got like uno and jenga and shit like that no he had some weird made-up games um like on on the beach themselves

like some sort of like okay version of volleyball that he'd created but he didn't have a volleyball or a net or anything so he just like made a game out of whatever drifted up on the beach imaginary volleyball yeah yeah just some weird game anyway um so we're hanging out going oh this guy's pretty charismatic this is fine whatever like someone else walked along and like he they got suckered into it and we're like great we'll just hang out here and he had a big menu like you know you could get food and stuff like oh great okay well we'll get food and then he's like great gets on the phone rings and then the order actually goes to yeah again some woman in the house like half an hour away and we didn't realize we're going you know we put the order in and we're just sitting there and we're just sitting seeing him

sit at his piece of wood just necking beers and And we're like, when are you going to cook this Penang curry I ordered? And he's like, oh, yeah, it's coming. It's coming. Like, okay. And then, you know, 20 minutes later, this woman comes along on a scooter along the beach. Just like one-handed on the scooter. And in the other hand, carrying a plastic bag full of curry. Big old curry.

Yeah, great. Not plastic container. Plastic bag full of curry. Just old curry. Yeah, great. Not plastic container. Plastic bag full of curry. Just a bag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like she's won a goldfish at the fair. Yes, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I like that. That's like the equivalent of the bar that's like, hey, we don't have our own kitchen, but we're fine with you just ordering a pizza from down the road and getting it delivered to here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, that poor guy. He'll be out of business now.

What a shame. That's the thing. It's going to be – next time I go to Koh Samui, it's going to be just visiting the wreckage of my memories, all the places that are gone. But, anyway, hope not. Anyway, a bit sad. Thanks, Aidan.

Thanks, Aidan. Thanks, Aidan. Coughlin. Thanks, Coughers. Thanks, Aidan. Thanks, Aidan. Thanks, Aidan. Coughlin. Thanks, Coffers. Coffers. Thank you very much to Fourth Cab off the rank this week. Fourth Cab doesn't get enough recognition. Fourth Cab off the rank.

Kieran Purnell. Kieran Purnell. Or Purnel. Another mispronunciation. Porn Purnel. Yeah. Kieran. What do youal. Yeah. Kieran. What do you think of the name Kieran?

Well, I mean, this one is misspelt. K-I-E-R-E-N. Isn't it A-N? Kyren. Kieran. Kieran. Yeah. I can't tell if I'm being put off by this name.

Give me a second. It's just the sun has come out and it's like hitting my fucking window in a weird way. Feel for one second while I just close my blind. Yeah. Yeah. Kieran. K-I-E-R-E-N. I would have thought it was K-I-E-R-A-N.

But yeah, just proof that mums and dads are under pressure when they're in the hospital. They're writing out their names and even they can fuck up. So, yeah. I don't know. I don't know how I feel about someone with a misspelt name subscribing to us. I guess he's got to get his jolly somehow. He's been relentlessly bullied on the schoolyard all these years and he's turned to us for a bit of light entertainment.

What do you think of this? Because I watched Kill Bill the other day for the first time since it came out. Daryl Hanna. What do you reckon about Daryl as a female? Well, I kind of think if you're hot enough, you can call yourself anything. That's always been my thought. Well, I mean, because I thought, you know, a name comes up in the opening credits, and I was like, yeah, Daryl Hannah.

I was like, this must be like a weird thing that she's decided to do. Like it's a, you know, it's a whatever. You know, you go on the Wikipedia page and you're going to get to the bottom of it. But no, it's her actual name. It's her actual birth name was Daryl. So it's like, sure, you're right. If you're hot, you go on the Wikipedia page and you're going to get to the bottom of it. But no, it's her actual name. It's her actual birth name was Daryl. So it's like, sure, you're right. If you're hot, you can do anything. But it's like, yeah, look at a baby and go, yeah, I'm going to give this a traditionally boy's name.

It's like, well, sure, that's the case now that it doesn't matter that she's Daryl. But that wouldn't have been the case for fucking a very long time. Well, either that or the parents are hot and they've gone well we we're pretty sure we know what's going to happen here yeah we got a lot of work done just before we got pregnant we're pretty safe here both of us both of us have got double d's now uh we're pretty sure this is going to be a hottie baby that's so funny like giving a kid a fuck name and going like look if they're hot, it'll be fine. And then just like, what's the – I mean, this is a creepy question.

What's the age where you think you can start to tell that a person's going to be attractive? But just like looking at them at a certain point and going, oh, thank God, I think they're going to be okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think they're going to get away with this. It's tricky because you go – you look at some babies and some children, you go, oh, they're going to get away with this. It's tricky because you look at some babies and some children, you go, oh, they're good looking.

And then you see those traditionally cute babies, like Cindy and the Brady Bunch, and everyone was like, oh, what a beautiful baby, what a cute little kid. And then they grow up and you're like, ah, I think you peaked. I think you peaked when you were five. Yeah, I think that was as good as it ever got.

You know, Winnie Cooper was everyone's favorite growing up on um the wonder years uh and then everyone was like oh she's so hot when you were 14 oh yeah yeah yeah and then she grew up and it's like again i think you peaked at 14 i think you i think you were 10 at 14 and i think you are now uh seven which is still good and then also it's no tan and then and then also the opposite is true where you know they'll have like celebs on the late night shows or you see those memes that go around where it's like check out jennifer aniston's yearbook photo and she's like you know kind of weird looking that's i mean i think that's gonna happen to me you know i think uh i think 40 i'm gonna be a real smoke show yeah yeah i'm gonna be gone

look at me when i was 35 yeah yeah real 35 year old ugly duckling and now i'm a big old 40 year old absolutely rootable swan yeah yeah a big beautiful black swan yeah yeah well it could happen to you it happened to me so it could happen to you too It happened to me. So it could happen to you too, Tommy. Yep, yep. But, fuck, I'm trying, I can't get my, you Google it. I'm trying to Google, my browser's not working now. I'm trying to Google Daryl Hannah's parents. I just want to know if they're as hot as I imagine that they are. Oh, I did, I did see something interesting about her family, I think,

when I looked her up earlier. You know she's married to Neil Young now? I did know that. What a weird pairing. Okay. Susan Jean Metzger, a producer and former school teacher, and Donald Christian Hanna, a tugboat and barge company owner. Wow. Tugboat owners, yeah.

I think I haven't seen either of them yet, but I'm pretty sure the dad was punching up, I think. I think he's batten out of his league without seeing them for one second. No pictures? Yeah, yeah. I mean, I... Yeah, hang on. Let me go to the thing here.

Daryl Hannah biography. I'll just Google the dad. Donald... I wonder if this is the same guy. Probably not. Business person. Oh, no, hang on. It is him.

I guess he's... Yeah, I guess he's kind of an attractive man. Okay. For an old guy. Yeah. I guess he's all right. He's all right. All right. Now look up the mum.

This feels really weird to be doing. No, it's fine. It's not. Yeah. Susan. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. Susan's pretty good Yeah. Susan. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Susan's pretty good looking. Okay. Yeah. So they could have done it. They could have picked it. They're good looking, but I don't...

I wouldn't say that they're good looking enough that you would go, we're definitely going to have a hot kid. Right. But then, you know, I can't, you know, I can look at pictures, but I can't comment on their ego. You know, I'm sure there's plenty of hideous people

who are convinced that they're going to create a gorgeous baby when there's no evidence to suggest that she does have a name that should probably be reversed

absolutely Hannah Darrell yeah that's why I looked her up I was like there's got to be something going on here it's like

Darrell must be some like weird thing she's decided to do when she got into showbiz just to kind of, like, stick out from the pack, like, you know, like Jamie Foxx or whatever. Right. Give herself some kind of, like, different sounding name. Yeah. But, yeah, Kieran, what was the second name again?

At least with Hannah, it does help a little bit. Like, Daryl Hannah. Hannah's a, you know,'s a pretty girl's name. So that does do a bit of the lifting on the back end. But now she could potentially be Daryl Young. That's a bit of a weirder name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I always used to think when I would be watching the late night shows

and they would say, you know, at the start they'd say, Tonight's guest, Daryl Hannah. In my head I always thought that Daryl Hannah was Jeff Daniels. So when I hear the name Daryl Hannah, I'd be like, oh yeah, cool, the guy from Dumb and Dumber is going to be on. What about Daryl Hannah gets married to one of the bosses of one of the most famous cartoon production companies of all time and becomes Daryl Hannah Barbera? What about that?

What about that? Wait. Oh, so she keeps her original name and she hyphenates it to – she marries Joseph Barbera. Yes. Any more questions? That's not bad. That's not bad. And then they have a kid and they call it Snagglepuss.

Yeah, sure. That's what happens. Okay, that'll do. Thanks, Kieran Purnell. We've gone too long with this thing We better just do one quick more One final one Alright, fifth one

Fifth cab off the rank Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Oh, okay Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Gibbo Comedy Gibbo Comedy

Yeah Yeah It says here They're paying us They're paying us money every week to cure their lives of not enough absolute five-star comedy. Oh, wow. Okay. So, and they're making that up?

Yeah, yeah. And also they're preaching from the uh the church of oh you know what let's not let's not have a crack let's actually not do that one it's been over an hour it's uh it's after lunchtime we gotta go eat yeah all right thank you uh thank you everyone who supports the show on Patreon. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub. Get on there. Get yourself some bonus episodes. Get immortalized in the Hall of Fame. Head to LittleDumbDumbClub.com for tickets to the upcoming shows

and the last remnants of a couple of pieces of merch that we have, the Talking Dumb Dumb hoodies, which are about to sell out, and we will not be getting them reprinted. That's it. It's winter. Your last chance to get your hands on one of them. It's chilly. There's but a handful left.

But because they're so big and bulky and warm for winter, they are still taking up quite a bit of room in my daughter's bedroom. So if you can grab the last vestiges of those wonderful, I was going to say one-off items. There's more than one. There's probably about six. Six off items. Get onto them.

Get onto the website. See what's, still some good sizes are available. So get on the website. Get the last hoodies or get them at the live shows in Brisbane and Melbourne. They're coming up at the moment. And Perth. And Perth, of course. Yeah.

Perth probably. All right. Thanks. I would say. But yeah. And Perth. And Perth, of course. Yeah. Perth probably not, I would say. But yeah. Thanks, guys. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you next.

See you, mates. See you, mates. See you, mates. See you, mates.