The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 559 - Gareth Reynolds & Adam Knox

Episode Date: June 16, 2021

It's a mini Koh Samui reunion this week with ADAM KNOX and GARETH REYNOLDS! Gareth's fully vaccinated, Knoxy has some interesting theories on sign writing, Chandler's been digging into some conspiracy theorists near his house and Tommy's search for a new house continues. PLUS we want a listener to go undercover at a photography studio and we debate the logistics of a fake marriage. All of that AND Talkin' Gibbo returns for a second episode! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dum Dum Club, a brand new episode with guests Adam Knox and Gareth Reynolds. We have some tour dates coming up. You can come and see us out in the big wide world. We have Brisbane on the 7th of August. We have our big live 500th episode in Melbourne on the 14th of August. And then we are going to be in Perth on the 9th of October. Tickets and all that stuff can be found at littledumbdumbclub.com. Get out there. Come and see us. But we will talk to you more about that at the end of the episode in Talking Dumb Dumb.

Until then, enjoy this new one with Adam Knox and Gareth Reynolds. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. And with me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads. We have two very special guests joining us today.

Please welcome back into the Little Dum Dum Club, Adam Knox and Gareth Reynolds. Yay. Yes. Yay. Hooray. Yeah. Welcome back. I love that. This is the stage of the pandemic where we're so wanting to be overseas that we're just

recreating one of the Koh Samui International Podcast Festivals. We're just getting you guys online to pretend we're so wanting to be overseas that we're just recreating one of the kosamui international podcast festivals we're just getting you guys online to pretend we're actually overseas because you guys were both at the second one genuinely as well i had really bad diarrhea this morning and i didn't know why until just then and it was it was reminiscing sympathy diarrhea it's us right it's us. Right. It's us. Flashback poop. It's turned it into something quite sweet. Because at the time it tasted very bitter.

That's weird. That's weird, Noxy, because I was getting jerked off by an Asian lady this morning. I was like, why am I doing this? What? Now I know. Now I know. Your wife catching you and you going, it's nostalgia. It's not. I'm not cheating on you.

Nostalgia's in. Please, I did this three years ago as well. I was getting my wife to do it as she was doing the eyes. So just to be clear, I wasn't cheating on her. So yeah. Too soon. I got to go, guys. Thanks so much.

That's tight. Are you having sympathy diarrhea as well? Cool. Nice. That's what I'll call it. Yeah. That's what I'll call it, yeah. That's what I'm going to call it from now on. I'll just say I have a twin who's in pain.

My twin must be hurting right now. But, Gareth, last time we spoke to you, you were deep in the lockdown and all that kind of stuff, and now you're back. You were telling us you're fully vaxxed. You're out on the road. You're living the dream you're uh yeah yeah you you dollop uh co-host still got the tinfoil hat on but you're out there living your life baby well no he makes his comeback uh thursday night he's doing a show in la but yeah i've definitely been going out there more but i always went out more on the road than

dave um this is a perfect reunion of that Koh Samui International Podcast because Dave's not here. That's right. The difference being, though, he didn't promise to join this. Oh, right, right. Yeah, sure, right. But no, that does feel weird that America's more on top of things than Australia.

We're sort of in a very, very loose lockdown, I guess, at the moment, sort of, But you're out doing shows. How the fuck did America get past us? Well, I mean, we print the money, you know? So we're able to, like, I mean, we have it. That's why I love when they frame it as, like, Joe Biden's going to donate the vaccine. It's like, I don't think this should be considered donations. This is like never before were they, like, with polio, like, we're going to donate it to the orphans. It's like, no, get people this should be considered donations. This is like never before were they like with polio, like we're going to donate it to the orphans.

It's like, no, get people vaccinated because we're not, you know. But it just kind of shows you where we're at. But no, it is crazy. When you look at a map of the world, I, you know, I was trying to explain to people this. That is a really crazy experience. When you look at a map of the world, that's crazy. You go, there's a South of the world that's crazy. It's nuts. You go, oh. It's nuts.

There's a South America? Is that Alabama? Which we're actually suing them for copyright infringement. We are suing South America. That is not okay, what they're doing. Is that the deep, deep South? That's very deep South, yeah. That's so deep South we're saying don't come to our America.

Right, right, right. Can I say, like, give the vaccine to a whole bunch of people because fuck, man, doing a podcast over Zoom again. Remember how much of a nightmare this is? Oh, my God. How did you make it through the full year of doing this, Gareth? I mean, it's not as fun. you know it's it's it's still like enjoyable and fun but like i miss being able to like you know feel energy and shit like that and that's the thing with like actually doing shows again because i was doing like so many zoom shows

too and you just genuinely are like you know who the fuck is this for like this is this could this could be considered psychotic, honestly. People don't know, when you record a podcast in real life, we're all giving each other little kisses off mic. Everyone's, like, holding hands. There's so many feathers tickling skin. Right, exactly. It's basically a tickling competition.

Yeah. Doing a podcast without my handcuffs on is bizarre, but here we are. No, seeing you hold the mic is weird, honestly. I've never seen you hold the mic before. Pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio-pistachio And so I'm famished. Usually I'm fucking well fed by notes. But over Zoom. Yeah, but see, the thing why I think that could still work, Carl, is because you always gave it to yourself. So I feel like you could do that at home. Well, hey, I've got my own sense of humor, so I know what tickles me. So that makes sense. Yeah, now you're laughing at your own jokes is on a two-second delay.

So you're saying something and then it's taking you a few seconds to respond to yourself. I'm saying to myself, no, you go. No, you go. Noxy, you and I were talking about this the other day that it's impossible. I'm sure there are people that would do this. There'd be a very, very small percentage of people that would walk away

from doing a podcast over Zoom and go, funniest I've ever been, funniest I've ever ever been but that's the true sociopaths out there feeling like they've done their best work in the zoom comedy environment but how were the um how were the shows gareth like because i don't think anyone really did that here in australia like no one really bothered with stand up over zoom oh the zoom shows are the shows that i've been doing on the road no the zoom shows oh the zoom shows were weird man i did a weekly improvised zoom show from my house every thursday for like a year and i mean how'd you get that site well i just would have people send suggestions and so i just filmed it myself and then i would just upload these clips of it and like you know it towards the end, I was like, this is crazy.

Like there. Yeah. I did think that towards the start. So, yeah. Yeah. Watching the watching the progression of you on like just your Instagram, where it started off with like bright eyed and like, hey, I'm going to do a Zoom show over stand up over Zoom. It's a great idea. I'm being innovative.

And then it was your hair getting longer week by week and you holding more and more like a cat and the cat's hair was getting longer. And it was the strangest experience. No, it got insane. It got totally insane. It was nuts. I mean, but even doing Zoom stand-up shows was just like you know you

just couldn't like properly see or understand how people were reacting it's it sounds so obvious to be like yeah the reactions are terrible but when you're in a going back to a live environment i mean the first night i was doing it i was like holy shit it was half it was half capacity yeah and i was still like my god this is something seeing a crowd and not understanding their human reactions now you know what feels like to be carl doing stand-up in a normal place yeah yeah yeah yeah by the way carl you judging me on any of my performance after you have worn pajamas as like a regular outfit. What are you? Now is the perfect time to wear pajamas while doing stand-up over Zoom. I should have put them on right now.

This is finally my time. The perfect time to do that was never in your life. Yeah. The perfect time is between like 10 p.m. and 8 a.m. That's the perfect time to be wearing pajamas. Yeah. If you're headlining, you can wear pajamas. As long as you're on after 10 p.m., then you're fine.

Oh, man. So, Carl, you can never wear pajamas. And you can never criticize another person's comedy, Carl. I mean, you're not allowed to. You did pajama stand. I think you're wrong. I think you're wrong. I think I've proved that you can many, many times.

Many, many times. Many times, for sure. Yeah, maybe I don't have a foot to stand on. But what about this? So, we've. Many, many times. Many times, for sure. Yeah, maybe I don't have a foot to stand on. But what about this? So we've been relatively lucky down here. We have had a few lockdowns in Melbourne, but whatever. We're coming out of one now. But I've thought this over the whole pandemic sort of thing,

over the last year and a bit. It's really sucked the fun out of it. Remember how fun conspiracies used to be? Remember how it used to be like, you know, Loch Ness Monster or fucking JFK or stuff like that. It was like, oh,

it's all sort of, you know, sort of quaint and a bit of fun. And now it's just fucking depressing. Now it's, now conspiracy theories is, it just lives in the comments section of Facebook and, you know,

news articles and stuff like that. And it's actually, it's actually real bad. It used to be funny and now it's fucking pretty scary it's the perfect time if you work in the government and want to do something shifty do it now do it while anyone who is going to find out about that won't be listened to because every cunt who hears them say hey did you know the government is now actually tagging people some other guy will come along and be like, yeah, and they also invented a, you know, a sore throat. And it'll completely bury it.

Yeah. It's a perfect time if you're the Yeti. It's a perfect time to go shopping and just walk around the street. It's like this is your time. Oh, yeah. Now, there is a shop that's in between Tommy's house and my house on the podcast mile in the middle of it, which I'm intrigued by because I used to, you know, I love a good crazy person. I don't drive many places because I do love getting on public transport. I do love walking and getting amongst crazy people.

I nearly got in a fight with a junkie the other day, which was quite good because he was so crazy I couldn't take my eyes off him. I'm like, I know this is is trouble but i've got to keep looking at him and then he just sort of ran at me because i was looking at him and i was like oh fuck sorry but so i i love that sort of shit there's a shop in between tommy and eyes that i'm i'm very intrigued by um now it is a shop where it's got huge, like, banners in the shop window over the top of, you know, being able to see what's for sale in the shop. Now, here's two of the banners that they've got. One says, love or fear, our collective thoughts are creating this world.

And the other one says, staying apart keeps us together equals fear. What are you choosing? So it is very much an anti-vax, anti-lockdown, anti-virus bunch of sort of protesting sort of signs in the window. At least they're anti-the-virus as well. That's good. I'd say anti-virus existing. Yeah, right yeah right right right that's a funny position to be like

I don't think people should get the vaccine I don't think lockdown should happen but make no mistake I do think that the virus is bad okay I'm with all of you on that it's just the approach I believe everyone should get sick people should get sick

yeah that was the UK's approach I got the chickenpox when I was a kid that was the UK's approach for a minute they were like alright everyone will get it and then we'll be good. And then they were like, oh, shit. Yeah.

Stop it. Stop it. Wait a minute. This is making people really sick. What do we do? Yeah. I'm not exactly sure what the pad B should be. Go ahead.

Yeah. So they've got those signs in there. So I'm like, okay, you can read those signs from the tram. So I'm interested. I get closer. There's a big sign on the front door that says, Attention Australian local governments and councils. This will get their attention.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then a big fist with a finger like an Uncle Sam, sort of like Uncle Sam wants you. And it says, Attention Australian local governments and councils. You are all accused of treason against the people of the Commonwealth of Australia. Oh, no. From a shark?

Yeah. Then it states all, then it names all the states, just in case anyone was unaware where they were living or whether their state was counted within Australia or not. Just so you know, New South Wales, yes, you are a part of Australia, so you are accused as well. They re-upped, yeah. They paid the subscription. They're still in.

Yeah. So I've got all that. That's, of course... Now, here's where you guys come in. All right. So what shop would these be on the front of? Ah, okay. Well, given that it's Bridge Road, Richmond, my immediate guess would be cheap discount suit shop

that's about to go out of business because that's like 80% of the stores along Bridge Road. Well, the other 20% is suit shops that have gone out of business. COVID suits. COVID suits. All right, Tommy, that's your guess What about you guys? If they sold pajamas I know who would be shopping

Oh yes I would get I think it's so I like the idea that it's a shitty suit shop And then I think what it is Is like a league of extraordinary gentlemen situation where it's actually a cover for where the spies go to get suited up for actually dope clothes and secret rooms and they're just trying to keep everybody out there by being like we're

cuckoo you know yeah yeah yeah right and you can just do your business in the back with you know yeah i mean that's a bad cover if you want people who are going to be able to find spies not sniffing around, you don't want the conspiracy theorists to all come to your house and be like, yeah, you know, I actually agree with a lot of this. Why are you dressed like that? What's this gadget? Yeah. I reckon we're talking either based on the amount of paper

that they've hung up in their own windows, it's like a printing shop, or I think this sounds like a $2 shop, like they don't know what they're selling or what's going on. Yeah. That's a good guess. That's very logical. How amazing is the idea that a print shop is putting up

all their political beliefs in different fonts to kind of show off, like demonstrating to a prospective buyer. So this is what kind of show up like you know like demonstrating to like a prospective buyer just like so this is what kind of attracts people the words your beers and what does that side say 9-11 was an inside job but you we can do whatever lettering you want obviously whatever lettering you want we can do if we print that george bush did it on 200 gsm it looks a bit crazy on 300 gsm i can start believing this yeah yeah the kerning on the text of scott morrison is a lizard pedophile is just beautiful exquisite yeah and i wanted to say welcome aunt grace yeah we'll put that where scott morrison is a pet lizard pedophile we'll

obviously just say welcome aunt grace obviously yeah we know the logic though of i do like the logic of noxie's guess in that well there's posters on the window with printing on them, it must be a print shop. Is this a guess from the 1910s before commerce was invented and you could buy a poster? You could pay someone else to print something out? It always makes sense. Are you an Officeworks denier? Every shop, in my experience, if you are going to a pizza shop,

they list what type of pizzas they have in pepperoni, in capsicum. It's always the way they do it. You use what you have. You go into a McDonald's and you're like, I need to print like 30 pages. Get a banner made. Or just following that through for like literally anything. Like you're in Rebel Sport.

Oh, I can see a basketball here. Well, LeBron James must own this place. It's the only logical explanation. Yeah. Yeah. I can tell there's some McDonald's coming up because there's a huge yellow M made out of hash browns on the side of the highway. Let's pull in here. That's why they're yellow.

I want to live in what I'll call Knoxville, which is already a place. But I want to live in a place where you must make your sign out of your product. Yes. Pizza. It's like art attack. A nightmare just for any restaurant. Like, Jesus Christ. Oh, the tortilla letters fell again?

All right, well, we'll put them up. Fuckin' A. Really, a lot of them. Welcome to the sewage treatment plant. Sorry that you didn't know it was this. It rained last night, so the sign came off. Yeah. I want to see how Noxy makes his own posters

for his own comedy festival show. He makes a poster out of pure comedy. Yeah, I say that I'm going to make them months in advance, but then make most of them the night before, is how the... And most of it's the same poster from last year. A lot of it is a reused poster. But I've put the start of the poster in a slightly different context, so maybe you won't notice if you don't remember it that well.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the delivery of the poster, I feel, is better this year. Yeah, that improves. It's home. The poster, if you tell the poster what you want to talk about, it's okay at that now. Tell the poster what you do for a living. Maybe it'll be fun.

Yeah. A few months away from poster making really renewed your thrill for making the poster. You can see it in your eyes. Ever since COVID ended, though, poster making's not that fun again. Yeah, yeah. So Adam didn't show up for the show. Oh, no, he sent a poster. He's not doing shows anymore.

He just puts his poster on the mic stand. And then people are encouraged to tell him what it does, what they're doing and all that. He transitioned. Yeah. Yeah, he's a poster now. Yeah, he couldn't afford the hologram. In lockdown, when we just had to watch his poster over Zoom,

it was fucking pretty depressing. Oh, man, just a poster against its bedroom wall? Ugh. The Zoom was fucking pretty depressing. Just a poster against its bedroom wall. Ugh. All right. So, unfortunately, none of you are correct.

Well, to be fair, Carl, we all had a little fun with it. Come on, guys. Yeah, right? I was trying to be serious. Not the destination. Yeah. Because if I were to have a real guess, I would guess, like, Terra or Crystals. Oh, yeah.

What? Terra? Yeah, Terra cards. Oh, sorry. The way you were pronouncing it, I was like, I thought you meant you thought Australia had shops that sold Terra. T-E-R-R-O-R. Do not shame those of us who choose to pronounce the R's.

Do not shame us. Yeah. A hard R is okay in some contexts. Yes. And speaking of terror, 9-11, once again, the government infiltrated, and this is a bubble font. Great. A bubble font.

Yeah. It's fun. It's a light font. We've done some of this in Windings because they had a little plane. Yeah. Oh, yeah, nice. So I think the tarot card, the tarot shop was probably the closest. These posters are at the front of a sex slash sexy lingerie shop

in between Tommy and I's abodes. What's sexier than the truth? It's next to Schnitz. Well, well, well. It's next to Schnitz? Yeah. It is. It's next to Schnitz, isn't it?

No, there was a Schnitzel shop there. I don't think that's there anymore. So it's like a pizza shop or something like that. Do they have a sign made of pepperoni? That's how you can tell if it's a pizza shop. No, but this sign has a sign made of pussy. So that's how you know it's a sex shop. I'm surprised you noticed the signs. Just going in.

Can I just buy the sign? I don't know. I don't need anything else in here. So what's the deal with that sign? Because there's a bunch of guys out there trying to fuck it, just so you know. Well, there's someone next door trying to eat that sign, so, you know, yeah.

We've got to re-stick this sign situation. There's people in both shops trying to do that. Oh, there we go. Well, okay, we get it. We get it, mate. You're a generous lover. We get it. It's all I can do.

I can't get hot anymore. Yeah. So this shop has got all of these signs side by side next to huge posters of women with no clothes on that have just got like high heels on and extremely small underwear and things like that. So it's sort of got the same gravatar side by side. Like Barbie underwear? We've got the same gravatar. Extremely small. Side by side.

Like Barbie underwear? Well, I don't know how you dress your Barbies, but, yeah, I mean, if you dress them this way, let's play Barbie. I address them as Miss and Ma'am. I'm Southern. The way you talk about lingerie is like an old lawyer having to describe it in court.

Yeah. Extremely small underwear. Extremely small underwear. A G-string? I don't know. There wasn't a letter on it no there was no g but it was definitely tiny pants i described the underpants this is this is little stuff lacy little stuff i had i had i was in a very atticus finch uh frame of mind when i was when i was looking at this shop so that's why I detailed it like that so it's full anti-vax, it's got all

that stuff it's even got, it's just full of handcuffs and tiny lingerie and shirts with holes cut out so the boobs can hang out and stuff like that it's like anti-mask but it actually sells masks as well

they could just take the gag take the tit fabric and make masks yeah if the if the government was telling you to wear gags to prevent covid from spreading then i'm sure these people would be like okay that's fine yeah yeah yeah i wonder how many people have been swayed like how many just pervy dudes are like oh man it's not crazy it's not so crazy yeah yeah well i well, I guess it's in this guy's best interest. If you've got to keep the 1.5-meter rule between you, there's not a lot of sex going on. So I guess it's in his best interest to deny COVID's happening.

Yeah. But there's like, he's got a big sign on the cash register saying, cash welcome sign at the shop. You've been inside? Right, yeah. You've been inside? No. Carl. No, no, no. One of these shops that keeps a cash register on the outdoors. It's from the outside. I took the picture

from the outside. Oh, so, sorry. We thought you were being weird, but instead you were just standing on the street taking pictures of the inside of a sex shop. Only for about ten minutes. And I went back there three times because I was open twice and I couldn't get a good picture while there were people looking at me. There's a cash register on the outside so you can get a drive-thru dildo if you want.

Is that what you're saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me get two dildos, a pocket pocket giant Some gun lube And Give me one of those half arms We're actually out of half arms today Is a fist okay? Give me a full arm

Give me a full arm I'll use the rest of my arm Okay, full arm Yeah Alright, drive through I got someone else's bag Excuse me You guys gave me two arms.

I just need... There, please. Thank you. Do you have serviettes? I need some serviettes. It's got a big sign. Oh, yeah. Look, it's anti-all that,

yet it still has a lot of hand sanitizer, funnily enough, in this shop. Interesting. That's an interesting sign. What's the bathroom like, Carl? Did that show up in the photo, too? Interesting. What's the bathroom like, Carl?

Did that show up in the photo too? There's a big sign on the front on the cash register that says, Cash welcome. Use it or lose it. Cards are for control and tracking. Keep Carl out. Do not serve this man, Carl. Yeah, that's why the pictures are taken from the outside.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. You need more freedom in this communist state. Use more cash. It's like fucking crazy. But I think it's also like, well, that's, you know, for any dodgy business, like, I think it's also like well that's you know for any dodgy business like i think that's just a great time to to be like oh yeah yeah you don't get mind controlled by credit cards or whatever the fuck he thinks it is it's like no you just want to you just want cash so you don't

have to pay tax on it and also customers are like yeah sure that's why we're using cash not because all these fucking wacky crazy shit is turning up on our credit card receipts or anything like that they're also um so they're very they're they're thinking of people they're i also noticed again from the outside i also noticed they have they have a huge they have this big stack of you know when you go uh when you walk past like a telegraph pole and you see the those weird um signs that say women wanted for photography no funny business $300 for the shoot do you not have this in America?

our country's a shit show on fire but we at least do not have creepy, I mean I'm sure we do somewhere but I've never seen it in Brunswick especially they're around, they've got the little pool tabs with a phone number on it that I'm sure yeah I know I'm familiar with that

technology. Hey, woman, come home to me. Swear to God, nothing weird. 300 bucks. Just come over for fuck's sake. Not a murder. Not a murder. Are you a double D and don't believe that COVID is real? Call this number.

Yeah. So they've got, they had a fat stack of these posters, not even hanging up, sitting there. So these guys are the people that are going around putting them on the Telegraph posts. So these guys are the ones doing the photography, I believe. So it's like women wanted for creative, fun, photography projects, brackets, nude.

Or you could have, I think you buried the lead there. The little conversation of someone being over their shoulder editing it and going, honestly, we really should tell them. No, no. Someone else going, better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission. They definitely got there over time. They didn't go, we'll be up front right away. They're like, these girls are really freaked out.

We got to say nude on there. Come on, enough bullshit. Put it in brackets. It'll seem less weird. Yeah, yeah. Then it's kind of like we're whispering it at the end. Like, hey, great. Photoshoot.

Women only. Nude. Nude. It's not the point. It's just part of it. It's the least important part of it. It's just one little element. It's easier not to wear clothes.

You have to do less. Exactly. It's less to carry. Exactly. It's not like we're saying, turn up with a top hat on, and you get there and go, fuck, I forgot. You can't forget nothing. You can't forget to be naked.

You can't forget nudity. Yeah. And we're definitely not stealing clothes. That's pretty obvious. It's not one of those bruises. Yeah. Well, they've even thought ahead. They've not one of those bruises. Yeah. Well, they've even thought ahead.

They've got one of your fonts there, Gareth. See the Women Wanted poster? I don't know if you can see that there. It's got the love hearts. It's a bubble. They've made it nice. It's got the bubble font. That's a bubble font. Yeah.

That's what you want to go with with anniversaries, quinceañeras, you know, up occasions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And pleading with women to take their clothes off. And it's your best nude bracket font. I really don't like that, too, because the bubble font is nice, but the phrase women want it is a Tacoma bold, threatening, fucking whatever. But that's why you undercut it nicely. Bubble font. Yeah. You know? Yeah. George W. Bush did the 9-11. fucking yeah whatever that's why but that's why you undercut it nicely bubble fun yeah you know

yeah yeah george w bush did the 9-11 bubble fun yeah maybe then conspiracy theories would be would be a little more palatable if you did that with your voice too because the problem is everyone who says conspiracy theories is always like man the government invented it wuhan's hiding it they're in cahoots but if they're like guess what w Wuhan's hiding it. They're in cahoots. But if they're like, guess what? Wuhan's hiding it. Isn't that crazy? You got to get like little Elmo to do it or something like that. A beloved character or Santa.

Did you know that the government's microchipping you through vaccinations? Oh, they're on the naughty list. Hello, children. Paw Patrol here. I'm the little firefighter. And you know what I'm sick of? Putting out fires in buildings that our government knocked down. This is what controlled demolition looks like. That's my original character.

Yeah, Gricky Grouse. Gricky Grouse, yeah. So in case you guys are interested, it is $300 cash per shoot. Again, with the brackets, minimum. So I don't know if you're particularly good at being nude, you could get a bit more, apparently. I do it a couple of times a day. I reckon I'm in good form at the moment.

I fuck it up sometimes. I trip over my pants and stuff. I did that the other day, yeah. This is the... It must be popular because it was these signs these posters were sitting in the corner of the store like on a bench and they still had all the pull tabs like ripped off them so they're not even they're not even putting them up on walls or telegraph poles or anything and people are finding them pulling tabs off so this is a this is a pretty popular business i I think. Oh, boy.

That's pretty clever, though. This is, yeah, this is, and if you want to ring the number, it's 9495-6555. That's the same tag that's here. Let's call a number. You know how you'll always put a little bit of money, or you used to put a little bit of money in the bucket at Spleen to make it look like there was already money in there? They're doing the same thing with the whole thing.

Yes. The old coins in the guitar thing with the whole thing. Yes. The old coins in the guitar case trick. That's pretty smart. That's good. And then the guy who's running it with him going, you've got to leave at least one of them on. No, man. No, man.

We want to be in demand, buddy. None of them. They've all been ripped off. Create a buzz slowly but surely this is how you build a business so yeah that is that is the genuine number if you are if you do want to be photographed in the nude by conspiracy theory anti-maskers that's that's gonna be a fun shoot that's an interesting shoot that's a good conversation to have while you're in the nude being photographed yeah sure yeah i mean i love. I love the idea that one of our listeners takes this up

and then we can have a mole on the inside of this operation. What if potentially this person isn't the creep that they seem to be and is genuinely just trying to check the population of Melbourne to see if they have human genitalia rather than that of a lizard? Okay. What if this is their more yeah i'm way more into it now i like it a lot more now it's it's very league of extraordinary gentlemen which was where i was headed oh it's closer to my yeah yeah yeah yeah again like this person if if we get a

listener uh take them up on this and turn up i love the idea of them going in and the photographer going, also, you called us because you took the little tab off the sign that we stuck up on the pole. No, no, no. I heard it being talked about on a podcast. I heard it from Kyle Chandler, whose phone number I can also give you. And they're like, oh, Kyle Chandler, he's the irregular customer. No, no, no.

He just stands outside every couple of days. I mean, they'll probably say, oh, Carl Chandler, he's the irregular customer. No, no, no, he just stands outside every couple of days. I mean, they'll probably say, oh, Carl Chandler from the podcast The Little Dum Dum Club that I listen to. Yeah, Carl's a bit of an amateur photographer himself. He just takes the photos of kimp masks. You know your signs that you use to take photos of girls? I take photos of the signs. That's my thing.

You think Kyle Chandler eats all that moose? What do you think he's doing with it? Come on. Grow up. I think what you should do is if you do get a listener into it, they should be very comfortable being nude but have a GoPro helmet little situation on their head the whole time yeah yeah you know yeah yeah but how do you i mean they're already worried about the government controlling you

through it's not going to be easy i'll already answer your question it's going to be an uphill battle it's not going to be easy to get this done you say that the gopro is because like if they avoid all this stuff maybe they've not seen one before. So you say that it's like a little satellite that stops the government from tracking you. And then you sell one to them. And then they're always

wearing a GoPro. Let's all wear them. Let's all upload the government's footage to my hard drive. Yeah. That is the toughest assignment to have a hidden camera, is when you're a nude model.

It's not going to be easy. I haven't thought this completely through. It's not going to be easy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If someone pulls this off, you are absolutely... Crime of the century. You're putting on a master class. Yeah, if you can have, like,

if you can have listen to the little dum-dum club, like, written somewhere on your body so we get some kind of plug out of these nude photos. So here's where we're at now and i like that we're now the person bottomless t-shirt dum-dum club t-shirt camera there we go i think we're cooking i think we're doing pretty good so you're you're saying that this this this nude model that comes in to earn their 300 is coming in going sorry i must insist i'm not going to take off my T-shirt. I mean, absolutely anyone can have a look at the old pussy down there,

but I do have some manners. I don't like the way you frame that, so I'm going to say that they get to wear some of those small panties that one of my friends was telling me about so much. That's basically a mask, if you will. Oh, yeah, a pussy mask. Okay, yeah, right. That would be like if you want to get a plug,

that is an extremely lengthy way to go about it, to get a plug. By the way, if you want a lengthy plug, I know a shop that you can go to. By the way, all right, so we're saying small panties, dum-dum shirt, GoPro helmet, tiny plug. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

Great. That's a good look. Right. Yeah. Right. That's a good look. Right. Yeah, it's going to have to be, if they're going to let you go through with keeping the shirt on, it's going to have to be a pretty incredible pussy that you're in control of as well. Yeah.

So maybe don't bother calling up unless you're really packing some heat. They've got a whole price list made out of the things, so they'll be able to, like, they'll have... Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah. They'll still have the UPC label on it, maybe. Bobby, get the scanner over here. Bring the scanner over.

It's a bit of selling ice to the Eskimos, isn't it? Yeah, it's going to be a tough one to infiltrate. You don't say that word anymore. It's Inuits, Carl. Yeah, and it's cold water. Yeah, exactly. Get it right. That is an extremely old-fashioned.

Anyway, moving along the trolley to the next segment of the program. Well, yeah, this is very reminiscent of the other day. I was at a house inspection with my girlfriend. We're doing rental inspections at the moment. Whoa. Yeah, all right. Great. Yeah.

What do you think of that, huh? You need any signs? You need any bubble funds? Did you get down on one knee and house propose to her? We have been putting in some applications where we're saying that we're married, thinking that it might help get us across the line. Oh!

Wow. A little trick that someone told us about. might help get us across the line. Oh, wow. A little trick that someone told us about. I didn't know you were at this point, Tommy. Yeah, faking marriage is a big step in a relationship. Well, for someone who lives with a cat, this is huge, and I can't fathom it. Yeah, we've been pretending to be in a relationship for a couple of years now,

and it felt like time to pretend to take the next fake step. You've got the fake name now, you got a fake marriage. Man, you're really growing up. Have you ever considered doing the thing at a restaurant where you pretend to propose so that the restaurant gives you a free dessert? Oh. A dessert's all you're getting out of it? Probably.

Maybe they'll give you the whole meal, but like a nice restaurant, they're going to have people proposing in there all the time. They can't be throwing out meals. I think there was just a little bit of Noxie shining through there in that question. How can I get free cake? Madam, on behalf of all of the staff here

at Ballarat Pizza Hut, congratulations on the engagement. Unlimited Dairy Queen ice cream. Mr and and Mrs. Knox. We're going to take off the 59 cents for the extra top. And really, we insist. You're not paying for your black olives tonight, guys.

Not here. Your money's no good here for black olives tonight. Cheesy crust is on us. If I ever order Uber Eats, I take my girlfriend downstairs and fake propose in front of a delivery driver so they don't feel guilty. Whoa. I didn't know.

I thought you were five minutes away. Well, I mean, you have a heart, don't you? You have a heart, right? This is the in front of my house where we met. That's why I proposed. Tell me this isn't meant to be, Jacob. Tell me that this moment is not meant to be. I mean, this is fucking crazy what just happened here.

You pull up as I propose. I mean, this is fucking crazy what just happened here. You pull up as I'm proposing. I mean, foot off. No. I refuse to pay. I'm not paying. I refuse to pay. Every girl dreams of being proposed.

As soon as they go out with Knox, they're getting proposed to every time he has to pull out his wallet. All of a sudden it's, will you be Mrs. Knox? For fuck's sake, it's the big issue. Okay pay the money yeah yeah yeah you're on a like a you're on like a beautiful scenic hike you're up a you're up a mountain you're getting down on one knee and she's like oh my god it's for real this time and then she looks over and there's like a mr whippy van park just behind you there's one of those top of the mountain mr whippippies. I've spotted it. You know, the truth is we're not able to get it down from here. We absolutely loathe the location.

This was a terrible place. Everyone who comes up here is a hiker. They're all too healthy to eat ice cream. Nobody wants it. You climb a mountain and you see ice cream. Who's saying no to that? I disagree. I disagree. You're our mountain and you see ice cream Who's saying no to that? I disagree You're our first customers who want ice cream

And you propose to her and we refuse to take your money There's no way And also she said no It looked as though she was not expecting that at all And that it was too I think you're manipulating me But even if they say no sometimes The restaurant will give you a sympathy dessert

And I've gotten more no's than Pinocchio. But, like, that... Also, Mr. Knox, I'm a homeless man begging for change out the front of a Woolworths. Your proposal, I can't eat it. It's no good to me. Give us half of your change. No, we are not going to take naked photos of you for free. I'm just marrying the woman I love

Put the camera on, baby, put the camera on Put that camera right on now Anyway, sorry Tommy, you're moving I actually just got a missed call from an agent From where we applied for But yeah, I'm Trouble in fake paradise The fake marriage thing But, yeah, I'm... Trouble in fake paradise.

The fake marriage thing, I'm pretty tense on it, because we're moving in together, right? So we had it all, we've done it for one, and then I just have this paranoia that... As you should, man. Yeah, that's them calling to go, so how come you say that you're married and yet you're currently living in two separate locations? Mr. Dassolo.

Talk us through that. On the application, you said that you were married, so please explain to me how I am fucking your wife. Please tell me, Mr. Dassolo, how this is possible. I also like the idea that you think that your real estate company has their number one rule is no living in sin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're hiring a house from the Catholic Church

or something at this point. A friend of mine did that. A friend of mine put it on their cover letter, and then when they got the place, they asked, like, you know, what was it that got us over the line? And the agent was like, literally the fact that you're married because you're seen as like less of a risk of uh splitting up so apparently it apparently it does work now the now the four most important things in real estate are number one you got to be married number two location number three location number four

location yeah zooted above those three yeah you should get a sign that says that i know a place that maybe yeah real estate signs are honestly a nightmare to make, though. You've got to build so many fucking bathrooms. Absolutely. Heaps of little houses all in a row out the street. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, we went to one inspection the other day and we were kind of walking through the house and we were like, you know, it's all right. It's not amazing, but you know, it's okay. And then we get out into the backyard and the agent had made sure to, like, open the gate in the backyard that leads out into an alleyway. And in the alleyway on the brick wall in letters about that big,

the following phrase was spray painted, eat pussy. So this is just all these people at a rental inspection just standing in the backyard going, why would you open the gate? Just keep the gate. Why are you proudly showing this off? In case you were wondering, yes, it doesn't eat pussy well. Not a lot of locations have this anymore.

And that's exclusive to this area entirely. Yeah. So what sort of morals do they have where they're proudly saying eat pussy but they won't accept anyone that's not married that's uh there's some complicated ethics going on in this real estate company yeah they're also if you if you do end up if this ends up not working out you're gonna have to take no no sorry sorry your fake marriage um if you guys get the place and then you're like hey this isn't gonna work out Then you're gonna have to be like You're gonna have to step it up

And make it You know Take a month to amplify the signs So that you're not called liars You'll have to start drinking From a decanter At a window alone She'll have to start

Smoking cigarettes outside With like mascara Running down her eyes Take the ring And toss it Think of the effect This is gonna have On the actors

You're gonna need to hire To be your children I really do Tommy We need Nox on as a producer Come on please Think of the effect this is going to have on the actors you're going to need to hire to be your children. I really am. Tommy, we need Narkzahn as a producer. Come on, please. Yeah, Tommy, if your fake marriage doesn't work out, I'm fake there for you, just so you know. Oh, thanks.

Fake thanks, man. At your fake wedding, make sure you read out a fake speech about all the people who didn't give you fake presents. Hey, that just makes economical sense. Is this... You know, I just missed a call from the agent so we may have gotten the house for all I know

so this fake marriage could be on. Does that mean that this podcast right now is my fake bucks? Let's get on it, fellas. Someone order me a fake... Someone get me a fake lap dance. Carl, get down to that fucking shop and see if I know anyone. I'm going to do more of this cocaine I've been doing all day but didn't want

you guys to know about, but I feel super appropriate. So, using this logic, are you getting married to this house, Tommy? Is that what's happening at this point? I think so. Yeah, I think I'm going to try and find some kind of drainage pipe in the house that i can uh that i can immediately put my dick in just to seal the deal there's certainly a drainage pipe at this house that i'm living in at the moment so yeah sure i had there's so many uh so many like attempts to

or opportunities to lie to this real estate agent because they they called me this morning and what do you mean that's the most psychopath thing i've ever heard someone say i was given so many opportunities to lie to this person it made me feel like a god finally finally everyone's forgotten about me taking days worth of pictures of a sex shop from outside the window they uh they call. They called me this morning. I spoke to them on the phone this morning, and then my phone rang again, and it was them calling my rental reference.

So they'd gone to call my current real estate agent. Your mum and dad? Yes, and gotten my number instead, and they're like, hi, we're just after a rental reference for this person. Oh, damn. So I'm on the phone. I had a moment. I know Tommy. He's one of

my best friends. Yeah. I had a moment where I was like, you know my favourite bit about him is he's married. The way he's married. And let me tell you, he is just hitting the back walls every night. He's one of the best

husbands I've ever encountered in my whole life. She doesn't scream a lot, but believe me, it's multiple. But anyway, they're not going to be a noise problem. I've never let it out of hand to someone with a more beautiful penis than Tommy. I was just absolutely impressed by it every time I

went round there and tried to sneak in to get a good idea. Couldn't tell you what he looks like. I know what the fourth finger on his left hand looks like though. Absolutely covered in ring. Absolutely. Oh, this guy's finger deep in ring.

But it was, yeah, just a split second moment where I was like, could I just pull this off? But then in a way, what you did by being honest is like, I choose the truth. And they're like, ooh, maybe this is a test. Maybe they call the person knowing it's the truth. Yes, maybe they do that to everyone.

Yes. Oh, and imagine the phone calls they have with some people. August is actually fantastic. He's so great. He cooks for his neighbors. He's always cleaning up other people's garbage. Yeah, sucks off his landlord once a week. This is manipulation real estate you're with, right?

Because they do things like that. Well, maybe they got the vibe that I was lying about the marriage thing and then they were calling me this whole thing. It's like, let's pretend that we've gotten the wrong number and see if he's honest about that, right? Exactly, yeah. And if he fesses up that we haven't called the rental agent, then we'll call you now.

The marriage thing is legit. I'm disappointed that you're like, no, they've rung me. They think I'm the real estate. I couldn't possibly make anything out. Anyway, back to creating a backstory where I am married. Well, I guess you feel like you've got your lie tank and you don't want to drain it. Oh, right.

The old lie tank. Yeah, the lie tank. That's all about the lie tank. But did you have any other opportunities to lie to him? Not yet. We could workshop some because because i'm gonna have to return that call after we finish this so yeah i could uh yeah all right you return the call you say this is the police okay and then improv from there oh right okay i had my own idea but that's pretty good, but that's pretty good. Yeah, that's pretty good. When you call them back, do you go like, oh, sorry I couldn't get the old ball and chain, huh?

Oh, she was making me do all this stuff around the house in a very handy way. We were down at the weekly marriage meeting, you know, where all the married people go to just keep our licences, renew our lic licenses every week. She's making me do stuff around the house. My house, as you will have seen from our applications, we don't currently live together. So as you can understand, that makes it even more annoying being nagged in your own domicile.

It's extra bullshit. Here's what I would like, Tommy, if possible. This is what I would like, if you got it. She calls. She's like, great news. You guys got the place. And why don't you go, oh, well, the joke's on you. We're not even married.

Just see what she does. Be like, we still want it. But how do you feel being suckered like this? Yeah. Maybe if you don't want to lie, Tommy, if you feel really bad about lying at this point, you can go, thanks, thank you, we accept it. I just need to tell you, we just got divorced. But we're going to remain friends.

And because we know that you're counting on us, we're prepared to still live together for you guys. So it's two single individuals really looking to do some fucking because they've been pent up for, what, years at this point, hypothetically. Yeah. Yeah. You're welcome. Because we just got divorced, there's a lot of pent up, like, post-fight sex happening. Is there any way to eat pussy wall in that place? Is it too late to establish something like that?

Yeah. Well, because you go in and you kind of think like when you apply for a place that, you know, being in a couple is probably going to be better odds than if you're applying for like a share house with friends because there's like it seems more stable or you'll be more responsible or whatever. But then when we were at the inspection, we overheard the agent telling another couple there like, yeah, so the place came on the market really quickly because it was a couple living here who broke up and it was like, yeah, pretty dramatic

and it all happened pretty quickly. So now the fear is kind of like the landlord. Relationship haunted. Yeah, or that the landlords are just like, no couples ever again. Just get two dirtbag mates in there who just want to fucking piss on every night and trash the place. Just monks. Singles only.

You can't break up with yourself unless you kill yourself in a rental, I guess. But that probably wouldn't happen. So that's the second rule. No killing yourself. No couples. No killing yourself. Yeah. Is that gas heater operational?

Just wondering. I just want to see if the oven can fit my head in it. Just give me one second. It's an electric oven, sir. Oh, God damn it, that's right. All right, well. If you're cooking your head for long enough, I'm sure you can still do the same job.

Do any of the neighbors have a hammer, potentially? Would this clothing rail support about 120 kilos of fat sack of shit, who I hate? Would that support about that much? Yeah. rail i support about 120 kilos of fat sack of shit who i hate would that support about that much yeah but uh yeah i guess i'll know uh after we're done recording hopefully that's exciting well that's great and i and can i say i'm so thankful i think uh adam is as well we're so thankful to be part of this special two and a half hour dum-dum. I mean, we knew the deal. We came in and let's fucking rock it. We've already got momentum.

And let's keep the party fucking going. You know what I mean? I love to check in 40 minutes before the halfway point and just make sure we're all doing all right. Yeah. I'm sorry. Yeah, that's what this was, by the way. I don't hope that's not weird. It just felt natural to mention how great that is.

It just felt like the right time. We just talked about suicide, and so it reminded me of being on Dumb Dumbs. So it's time to... I don't know. I keyed in somehow off of that, but yeah, it might be, yeah. But either way, awesome. I feel like I'm worried that I'm going to be pressed

on the specifics of being married and not living together. And everyone I've told this to is like, oh, you just say it's a religious thing. And I've gone, but what specific religious thing? And no one can give me any kind of clear follow-up to that. All you've got to do to convince them that you're married, you walk in and every time that they're around you go, you know what I really love? The stand-up of Ray Romano.

Boy, that really gets me. I just relate to it. His cleaner stuff. Yeah. Well, come on, let's get your backstory. Where did you propose? Yeah. How'd you do it?

Over Zoom during the pandemic. Oh, right. During the stand-up comedy show. She was an audience member. You were bombing. You tilted the webcam down. You were like, what else can I do? So you just proposed just to get some sort of reaction.

Do you want to answer it? Hey, text from my girlfriend. We got it. Oh! You got COVID? From your who? From your wife. From your wife.

Your wife. From your wife, you idiot. This is your husband speaking. Yeah. Hello. I your wife, you idiot. Keep the story up. Yeah. Hello. I'm just on the podcast at the moment. Congratulations, Mrs. D. Yeah, Mrs. Daslow.

We was all rooting for you, Mrs. Daslow. Yeah. Is this the one with the eat pussy sign? Congrats on the wall, Mrs. Daslow. Oh, that's amazing. Oh, you got the $300 photo shoot. Congratulations, Mrs. Dasolo Oh that's amazing Congrats Oh you got the $300 photo shoot Congratulations

Mrs. Dasolo Oh okay Can I Can I call you back No no Take the call Speak of phone Speak of phone

Hey Mrs. Dasolo Your husband's changed Sorry Sorry fellas Sorry fellas the fucking miso giving it a bit of this you know what i'm saying the old fucking man you handled it like a true bro dude you didn't let her get a word in dude i get it when you get to that new house you set up your man cave all right you put the license plates on the walls tommy i know we're having fun but it's important to establish dominance

once you move into the place. Treat it like you've got coyotes surrounding you. Just piss all around the place like you're going to burn it down with gas. That's what you've got to do. You walk in there and you punch a hole in the wall because you got emotional, and that shows that you're a really strong man.

Up to you, Tommy. I mean, this is just my thing, but I wouldn't have taken her surname. That's just my thing, whatever. It to you, Tommy. I mean, this is just my thing. But I wouldn't have taken her surname. That's just my thing. Whatever. It's a good surname. I'm pretty into it. If I'm ever going to upgrade from Dassilo, it's going to be to that. But isn't real life

a little bit like Facebook? You just can't change your surname too many times? Otherwise, you're just stuck with it forever? Oh, yeah. The wind changing yeah um yeah but congratulations tommy that is great congratulations i really hope that she's not uh angry that i had to like quickly wind her up on the call because it was very clear that i had just been in the middle of talking about her on the podcast i can't wait to uh i can't wait to

kick off our fake marriage with a real fight after I get off this one. Congratulations, Mrs. D. Just edit out all of that negative stuff that you said. So if she hears this podcast and there isn't anything weird and negative, I'm playing it back right now. I don't hear that. Listen close. I'm not hearing that. Here we are at the third hour, guys.

Boy, I've really been teeing off for the last two and a half hours, haven't I? I made notes, guys. Boy, I've really been teeing off for the last two and a half hours, haven't I? I made notes, Tommy. The bit where you said she wasn't holding up her end in bed, I'd say take that out. Holding up her end. Yeah.

Right. That's great. That's a great way of spinning being a bad lover. So it's like, well, I've come. Are you going to hold up your end of the bargain? The stuff where you're running it for the money, take that bit out, all that negative stuff. I would take that out. That's how we should start framing it.

I'll be honest. I'm a little embarrassed for you that you didn't finish. Yeah, you suck at sex. You really blew that, huh? Yeah. What was the problem? You weren't focused, or what happened? Yeah. I was the problem? You weren't focused or what happened? Yeah.

I was gone for like 40 seconds. I don't know what the issue was. Yeah. I beat you. I got there. I mean, I'm tired, so I'm going to crash out. Yeah. Carl Lewis over here and what are you, Eddie the Eel or something?

Man, fuck. Get in training. Stop pointing at what's spray painted in the alleyway behind the house. It's not. Imagine spray painting that. It's a great message. For kids, for adults, for everyone. All right.

Well, I guess that brings us to the end of this episode of Little Dumb Dumb Club. We'd better wrap it up for another week. Gareth and Adam, thank you very much for joining us both. Thank you. Tommy, congratulations. Thanks, buddy. I'm joining us both. Thank you. Tommy, congratulations. Thanks, buddy. I'm excited to see the new house. Hey, yeah. Maybe you guys,

maybe Gareth, you can come around for dinner if you're allowed into the country in October for the big tour of the dollar. And I guess maybe I can go fuck myself then. Cool. Yeah, alright. Well, he said dinner. He just assumed you'd be there without even being asked. Well, I'm going to fake

propose to my girlfriend at your dinner and you're going to have to give me another course. So how about that? We've got to give Knox another steak. He proposed. I don't think it's real. I don't think it's real. We get it, Adam. You don't want to do the dishes. It's fine. No, we'll get it. It's our house. No, I do, but I'm just so overwhelmed at the moment. You can have another beer the dishes. It's fine. No, we'll get it. It's our house. No, I do, but I'm just so happy. I'm overwhelmed at the moment.

You can have another beer, Adam. Have another beer. You brought him. You brought him. I can't believe it. She's just outside. She said, yes, she doesn't want to come in, but she's outside. That's what happens eventually when you're like, you guys eventually broke up and you

don't tell people. You're just like, she's in the car, but I just proposed. Can I have some french fries? I'm on the phone. I'm on the phone. I'm on the phone to like a visible lock screen. Yeah, yeah. She said it right now. She said yes, everybody. She said yes.

Can I mail this for free? Yeah. Alright, so yeah, check out, yeah, the Dollop is touring Australia in October. Tickets are on sale now. You're doing heaps of shows, heaps of venues, and yeah, listen to the Dollop. Every capital city. Yeah. Anything else to plug, Gareth?

You got your Instagram show? Yeah, I do things like Pamdemic where I do a weekly show with my mother and then yeah, listen to Dollop. Go to dolloppodcast.com for tickets for the Australia Tour, which is happening, no matter what some married friends of mine say.

Sure, I mean, and our Perth live podcast happening. Sure, let's all live in a fucking fantasy world. Okay, great. Listen, all that matters is I have a place to stay with Tommy now. Thank you, Tommy. Yeah, great.

Crash with me and the wife. I'm going to propose to Dave to spend the night. Noxy, you've got a few podcasts. You've got Filthy Casuals that you do with myself and Ben Vanell, which is about video games. And you've got other ones as well. Yeah. Talk us through them.

There's one that I just started with Ben as well. We wanted to re-watch The Sopranos, so we're doing a podcast about it. It's called Gabba Ghoul because we're Gabba and did the first episodes up now and it's fun if you want to watch

The Sopranos then you can watch with us and there's another one called Who's Spooky which is a comedy podcast about like spooky stories can I say

I said this years ago on the podcast but it's worth bringing up again because I tried to watch The Sopranos again through lockdown because everyone goes on about it so I got one season it's a show that I because I tried to watch The Sopranos again through lockdown because everyone goes on about it.

So I got one season in. It's a show that I thought I could watch with my wife and we only got one season in. But when we first started trying to watch it about eight years ago or something, we said, let's watch it. And she said, okay. She came home with season four to start watching.

I remember that. I was on one of your shows where this was happening. Oh, really? Were you? Yeah, you're right, actually. Oh, really? And I said, why did you get season four? She said, you've got to start somewhere. It's insane.

It's like The Simpsons. It took them a while to kind of work it out. That happens on planes only, where you'll be like, oh, they have like the third season. Ah, fuck it, I'll dip in on board. It's fine. Like, to actually be in an environment where you have access to all of them and to be like, yeah, let's start halfway through.

What do you say? Fuck it. She thought it was like I Dream of Jeannie where every episode just, you know, ends the same way as it starts so you can just dip in whenever. I feel pretty stupid now because we've started on season three, episode five. So I didn't realize that wasn't the way to do it. Too early. Too early.

That's before season four, you idiot. Boring. All right, yeah, check out all that stuff, guys. Thank you very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. And they've done it again. Yes, I concur. You agree?

Yeah, sure, why not? Bernice Kik's a big one, sure. Like they said, like the boys in Little Dunlop Club said, they're in Perth. Those guys are in Perth in October, around the same time as the dollop. They are in Brisbane on August the 7th. Those guys are in Perth in October, around the same time as the dollop. They are in Brisbane on August the 7th. They are in Melbourne on August the 14th. All of them very close to being sold out.

So get along, little doggies. Get your fun little tickets. Tickets. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. You can get merch as well. Got a couple of designs that are – or got one design in particular that is very close to being sold out. Never to be reprinted again.

So own your piece of rare memorabilia that you can one day flog on eBay for thousands and thousands of dollars when we both kill ourselves. It's all looking pretty sparse in there in the merch department at the moment, which means my child can move around freely at the moment. The baby's running laps. Yeah. Doing a time workout while the gyms are closed. Doing proper, doing a bit of yoga, just stretching right out.

My wife is very happy about it. Don't say her name's wrapped about it at the moment, which I'm always like, you do understand that once they sell out, get more don't you like that's how it works like if we sell out all the all the burger stuff or all the uh the burger design all the aware design it's like well we you know that just means we try and get more yeah oh oh so at the moment she's she's pretty wrapped but she hasn't really learned how uh supply and demand really works no no she was um she's younger than the baby so she hasn't learned right right that's very impressive she gave birth to something that's older than her yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you haven't heard of that before no no um you have

heard of it you think it's that common well baby i'm living it you know i i invented it yeah i thought i'd mentioned it before no this is this is this is like the uh what is it the the who's the guy in baseball that had his own disease um named after him um luke eric luke eric disease yeah this is like this carl chandler disease you have a wife that's right so you daughter because you're quite old by the time you got around to having a kid traditionally at least so is it's is you're saying like your old sperm managed to then create a baby that is older than your wife is that how it works a time vacuum um Yes. Great. Great. And yeah, look, not too shabby for my first go to bend the rules of space and time. But yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Got to wonder what the case will be for the sibling if you ever have another kid. Yeah. Where is it going to fit in age-wise in between its mother and its sibling? Maybe older than both of them. Older than me, maybe. Yeah.

That could be cool. Yeah. Only one way to find out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that is to put some of this sperm I'm just jerking off wildly around the room into someone else. People with like 10 kids and presumably the question you get asked a lot is like, why have you had so many children? If the answer was, honestly, we're just trying to see if we could bend the space-time continuum

with at least one of them. I don't think anyone could really fault that as an answer, as a justification. I'm like a scientist. Instead of being in the lab with test tubes and beakers and stuff, it's just my cum. Yes. Yeah. Well, that's all the time we have on talking dum-dum for today it's time to throw over to uh the boys in it talking talking gibbo um for their second episode uh so thanks thanks for

listening um thanks for talking dum-dum and uh kill yourself yeah see ya see you mates oh wow they've done it again. Yes. Another ripping edition of Talking Dum Dum. Bell's lied a big one. Welcome back to another edition of Talking Gibbo, the show within a show within a show where we break down the comings and goings of Bell Gibson. Cancer liar extraordinaire.

If you missed the show last week, a lot of people would know about her already. But, yeah, look, I'm fairly infatuated with her personally. She lied about having cancer, something close to your heart, literally and figuratively. And then just was on a massive lying streak. Then got a deal with Penguin Books, put out a cookbook that basically taught you how to cure cancer, and then got found out she never had cancer in any way.

So what happened on Talking Gibbo last time was, Tommy, you then bought her cookbook mid-episode. Yeah, I was looking up the listing for it on Amazon, and I was wondering whether there were the listing for it on Amazon and I was wondering whether there were any listings for it on eBay. It turns out there are a lot and none of them are very expensive, so I ordered it live on the air

and then got the delivery. I think the quickest bit of mail I've ever received in my life. It was at my house less than 24 hours later. Like, this person must have seen that sale come through and then been at the post box within 15 minutes. Is there any chance that this person could live in the same building as you?

I've had this with our merch before. Someone's ordered stuff in Hawthorne and I've looked on the map and gone, they live a block away from me. So I just walked up and put a T-shirt in their mailbox. Oh, really? No, this was, I can't remember the town, but it's regional Victoria. I remember thinking, like, this is insane that it's travelled, you know, across the state to get here.

Is it my mum? Maybe it is, yeah. It speaks volumes to how much this person wanted this cookbook out of their house. Like, I think they must have just been like, thank fucking God I can get rid of this. So, yeah, I do have the – I do currently have the whole pantry sitting here.

What's the name of the book, The Whole Pantry? The Whole Pantry, yeah. It's actually currently being used to prop my laptop up to a more acceptable angle for the Zoom call. So your laptop no longer has cancer is what you're saying? Yes. The bottom of it doesn't. It's sort of antivirus.

It's working as an antivirus on your computer. Yep. Yep. So, yeah, I've got that cookbook. Perhaps when we're allowed to have visitors in the house, I can fire it up and cook the bell cubes and pad thai. Surely there's a little bit in it, a little bit of wisdom you could share with us.

Surely. You don't have to cook a full pot roast that's going to, like, cure me of lymphoma or anything. But, like, surely there's a little snippet. A little snippet of something. So it's like the whole – there's like 10 – yeah, there's 10 pages at the start that are like her story so far where it's her talking about like, here's what it was like having cancer. And you can't help but think like the fact that it's not in print anymore

and it got taken off the shelves and everything. Perhaps if she hadn't have had all that stuff in there it probably could have skirted by you know what i mean maybe the mentality would have been look she's fucked but as long as there's nothing as long as none of these lies are actually in the book maybe it doesn't matter yeah yeah look we can overlook that because there's no they don't say the c-bomb in there anywhere but there there is, she does make a mean chocolate crackle. So let's let the book live on. But unfortunately, she stained it. Am I wrong about this?

You can buy Mein Kampf, can't you? Like they still, don't they still publish that as like a, as sort of like a, you know, the fact that it kicked off a world war. It classifies as like a historical document in some way. Well, it sounds like you want to get back on eBay and check that out. Tell me you buy another copy mid-episode for talking Adolf. From this same person, this person who's just got –

they're like you. They've got a baby's room that's just full of dodgy books that they've bought in bulk that they thought would be, I don't know, popular or whatever, and now they're just like desperate to fucking get rid of it. They've got the wife berating them to get these hateful documents out of the child's room. You know what would be interesting is if Belle now decided

to do a second cookbook and just to – what she would then be writing in the story since then. That would be good too. To be like, well, I got arrested. I got caught. I got caught for lying. I got adopted by some sort of African church there for five minutes. That's it.

I've been hiding in my house. Anyway, that's what's inspired me to make this Hawaiian pizza. That's it. I mean, this is all like healthy eating and stuff. So if she just went, look, your life's on the rocks. Everyone thinks you're a cunt. Just eat like a piece of shit. If she did a new one where it's like not bothering to have any wellness stuff in it. Yeah, there's like heaps of cheesecakes that's just got like two litres of vodka in it. It's like it's just a lot of what's lying around the house when you've shut yourself in for like three years. Yeah, yeah. A whole chapter on how to prepare your own shit in order to eat it to help it go down better. Here we go.

The story so far. When were you diagnosed with cancer? In June 2009 at the age of 20. I had known for a while that something didn't feel right. But when I saw the doctor, he told me to ignore what I was experiencing and to trial antidepressants. I tried them, but they make no difference. So I went off them and went back to the doctor. I told him I'm having trouble reading and seeing. Sometimes walking is hard and remembering has become difficult. Well, you remember the doctor's appointment.

All he said was, you work too hard. You're looking at a computer all day and you're socially isolated. Let's get your eyes tested and start that medication I gave you again. That's classic doctor talk, I think. Someone who's literally unable to function as a human being. Nah. What would you need medicine for? Not really my thing.

Not my bag. You're at the wrong place. Yeah. This is great. Like, already, like, flying. Not only, like, everything that she's done just absolutely flies in the face of the medical profession, but then in this, she's invented the character of this stooge doctor who's like, maybe you've just got your period.

It's very creative stuff. They go to her, when they were saying to her, who was the doctor that diagnosed you with cancer? She was like, yeah, I don't remember. It's like, yeah, not a very memorable thing to be at a hospital, at a doctor, anything like that. Remember the time you got diagnosed with cancer and it changed everything in your life?

Not really. Rings a little bit of a bell. You sure you're talking about me? She had no memory of like where it was, who did it, anything like that. Yeah. Yeah. Man, there's a lot. There's a lot in here.

This bit of the book just goes on and on and on. Like, just get to the fucking, just get to the nut milk recipe for God's sakes. Yeah. Get to the lamington that stops cancer. Hurry up. Yeah. I mean, some of this stuff is just roasted pumpkin lasagna with kale and basil oil. It's like, just have a fucking lasagna, for God's sakes.

You know what I mean? So you haven't cooked anything yet? I haven't cooked anything from it yet. But I did catch up with the person who I talked about last week, the friend of my girlfriend's who knows or used to work with Belle Gibson. I saw her at dinner on Saturday night. The psychopath whisperer.

Yes. Now, I had misremembered it. I thought the story was that she worked with Belle Gibson. She didn't work with Belle Gibson. Well, well, well. Well, all of a sudden, all these people that get around saying they've got cancer, all of a sudden all their stories change non-stop. Okay, very interesting.

I think it's actually kind of better. She worked with the woman who blew the whistle on Belle Gibson. She worked with the person who leaked it to the media and stuff. She was in this Instagram group, this little clique of wellness Instagrammers that Belle kind of fell in with, this kind of group of them. Yeah, they all started getting sus on her. Oh, I love it.

Just like in comedy they're just you know just in any yeah in any shots yeah in any occupation isn't it it's like it's like doesn't matter what you do they're so in plumbers it's like oh that fuckhead doesn't even use the right wrench yeah yeah let's make memes about him well what I loved specifically, one of the women in this group, her wellness thing was she was marketing a brand of laxatives that she's made, which I just love her being sus on Belle. It's just like she's full of shit and I should know. Oh, wow.

A new form of laxative. How do you improve on such a classic? How do you – All natural, yeah. That's the other thing. How do you know when you've gone wrong with making a laxative? That's it. It's pretty funny.

It's like I'm completely backed up. I need assistance to fix this problem, but I'll be damned if I'm doing it with the help of Big Pharma. I need an all-natural organic solution for clearing out my shit pipe. Yeah. No, your laxative works great. Either that or was it that chicken I ate that was sitting in the sun yesterday? It's hard to tell. Yeah, yeah, the all-natural laxative and you open it up

and it's just a little box full of raw chicken. There you go. I can sort you right out. It's piped. Yeah, it's foreign. We've just got it in from Bali. It is absolutely ready to make you go. The super regular edition.

Yeah. But yeah, so this person contacted my friend and was like, yeah, we're all talking about her. We all reckon it's... Oh, this is at the time? We all reckon something... Yeah, this is at the time that she's like, yeah, we reckon something's not adding up. And then, yeah, they broke the story.

And this person, this friend of mine was telling me this, and that was all the information she would give me. She... Maybe we can do this in a future ep. She said she doesn't want to give any more information unless she's on Talking Gibbo in some capacity. Oh, really? She said, you're welcome to call me and get me on the phone

and I'll dish other stuff that I know. Because the other thing is this lady's partner is a doctor and I was telling people at this table that I'd bought the cookbook for like on the pod and as a joke and everything. And he didn't seem to get in any way like why that was funny, why I had done that. As a medical professional, he seemed offended and sort of a bit angry at me that I had done this.

Like he just kept coming back to like, why did you buy the book? And I'm like, I don't know. I'm thinking it could be like a funny spin-off pod where like every episode I cook one of the recipes for a guest and he's like, why would you do that? Why would you give any airtime at all to this book? People might take you seriously. And I was like, it's funny.

Hang on. At the same time, his wife is wanting to be on the show? Yeah, yeah. I like to imagine maybe... The husband's saying, why would you give any airtime? And the wife's going, I know why. Give me the airtime. Yeah, I wonder if this was a big Barney in the car on the way home.

Yeah. So you were saying like when you started saying she wouldn't tell me any more information unless, and I'm like, oh, of course, unless we promise to not use her name or anything. But it's the opposite. Unless I'm the one that's on there spilling all the fucking dirt yeah to begin with she was very hesitant to tell me anything and i was like look if you don't want me to talk about it i won't so she starts telling me and then it

gets to the end and she's like oh you can say all this stuff just don't say the name of one of the people and i'm like yeah it's not i mean that's not that. She has a funny name, but so what? I was like, sweetheart. Oh, wow. A funny name. Now I'm intrigued. Sweetheart, we read out between five and 60 funny names on this thing a week.

We're not hard up for funny names. Yeah. But then, yeah, it turned into like, if you want to get me on the phone for an episode of Talking Gibbo, I can divulge more. But I don't know. I have a feeling that I've kind of tapped her out on what she actually knows. Now that I know that she doesn't directly know Belle, just the friend. Yeah, I can't believe that we're not allowed to name Dr. Comedy.

I can't believe. Oh, whoops. Whoops. Whoops. Sorry, I've said too much. Yeah. Leap that that out radiologist comedy i wonder if um i wonder if we could uh what about my i wonder if we could try and get the uh the whistleblower on here now that would be cool yeah for sure um i look i'll ask my wife. She wasn't there when it all went down. But like I said, she used to work at Penguin Books.

She knows people vaguely concerned with that department. So maybe I can – the harder thing is, though, getting my wife involved because she's going to be more like the doctor guy. She's going to be – I'm going to say to her, can you do this? And she's going to be, why? Why would you do this? Why is this funny?

This isn't funny. Carl, what are you doing? You're going to get yourself in trouble. You're going to get me in trouble. No, you've got to put her in touch with me and I'll let her know that I've given you the cancer equivalent of an NWO piece. Yes, right. Okay.

Right. Yeah, look, right. Okay. Right. This is – yeah, look, I'll reframe it. I'll say this is for a speech that Tommy's giving for university. I'll set up as a serious thing, as not a – as not a whatever this is at the moment. I'm not really sure what this is, what angle we've got on this. This is a passion project. Right. But I love the this

would be great i mean those are two those are two pretty good gets if we can get someone who was in the organization uh when the book was being put out a publisher someone from penguin and then if we get the whistleblower on i mean those are two fucking pretty great guests yeah short of getting short of getting the great woman herself on. I mean, those are too pretty. We're not nickel and diming our way up. We're getting some pretty legit sources straight off the bat. If this segment continues, do we record one of the talking Gibbos in the African church?

A live show. A live show. Yeah, don't mind that. Don't mind that at all. Yeah. Yeah. So, don't mind that. Don't mind that at all. Yeah. Yeah. So, all right. Okay.

Well, we're one little step closer within one episode. That's a big leap. We've got the cookbook. And you have talked to someone within the Gibson industry, sort of. A couple of steps removed, but not too far away. So what you're saying is she's told you all this stuff that you can talk about, but then you're saying she might want to talk about it instead,

but then you've rounded off by saying she probably won't, you think? I'd have to, well, no, I more mean like, I don't know if she's got much else of the story from her side. I couldn't tell how much she was withholding from me. You know, she's saying like maybe she could come on as like a bit of a bargaining chip. But I couldn't tell whether it was like, well, are you going to come on and just retell the stuff that you've already told me?

Have you got new nuggets? I haven't been able to ascertain what extra information there is that she could give us if we had her on the show. So have you told us everything you know? Yes. Oh, fuck, that was very little, by the way. I thought you were saying you had heaps. I thought you were saying you'd talk to her all night. You've told us nearly, nearly nothing, I would say.

Most of it was me justifying having bought the cookbook to be honest that took a great deal of time me me kind of backpedaling because also these are people that I don't know very well like these are my girlfriend's friends who because of lockdowns and everything I haven't spent a great deal of time with so I I go in hard and I bring up um I bring up bell and she's like yes your girlfriend already told me that you've got this weird fascination with her. And then everyone else at the table is like, what's this all about? And they're like, wait, didn't you have cancer? Like, why do you find this funny?

And then I'm immediately like, I'm sort of on the back foot a little bit. Yes, sure. Yeah, I loved knowing that she's friends with the whistleblower and that this person got the heads up, which would have been exciting. Like getting the text going like, hey, we reckon this person who's put this cookbook out is full of shit. Get ready because I've sent it through to the age and broken the story that she's probably lying. We've been in positions like that where we suspect something like that

about someone in comedy and you go, like to be the one that stands up and goes no i'm calling it imagine that and it would be pretty exciting maybe this is yeah maybe this is what we could get uh more clarification on because i feel like i was trying to ask this at the dinner but i kept again getting sidelined with defending my own uh actions the story. But the, like, yeah, how, what made them positive that she was making it up? Because that is, that's a huge hail Mary to throw without absolute concrete proof to accuse someone of lying about having cancer.

And yes, they were right. But fuck me, imagine if they'd gotten it wrong. Like, you would have to just go into hiding she would be you know she's in the book so i i've i've bought the book about about how it all went down so she that that lady would is in the book so maybe i can bring the book along if we get to meet her she can sign that chapter that's pretty yes yes yeah yeah we just want to talk to everyone who's named in the book in some way, including the publisher, including this person.

There's not that many people. I've been thinking about this a little bit. Not that many people I'd be super excited to get selfies with, but Belle Gibson would be one of them for sure. Oh, for sure. Big time. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. Well, great episode of Talking Gibbo. Yeah, we're Yeah. All right. Well, great episode of Talking Gibbo. Yeah, we're making progress. Two eps in. We're making progress. Two eps in. Yeah.

Pretty good. We could, if we have an edition of Talking Gibbo at the Athenam on August 14, maybe we could have Belle Gibson as a guest by then. Oh, my God. I don't mind that at all. What's wrong with people that are named like that? There's Bell Gibson that's faked cancer. There's Mel Gibson who hasn't been too nice to ladies or the Jewish over the years.

Yeah, I mean, if there's someone called El Gibson out there, what's wrong with them? They're just going to be like a Nazi or a KKK member or something? I was really hoping there'd be a third example of a similar sounding name, but not just the two. No, no, no. Belle Gibson,

Mel Gibson and El Gibson. Yeah, that's a name. Okay, yep, yep. Fam Gibson, Mel Gibson and El Gibson. Yeah, that's a name. Okay. Yep, yep. Famous Klansman El Gibson. Yes. Well, of course, we can't do Talking Gibbo without the support of all our Gibbo heads out there.

The show is on Patreon under a different name, patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. You can get on there and you can give your money. Make no mistake, it is coming directly to the Talking Gibbo podcast. It's just like a fake, a little fake name that we've put on the Patreon just for tax purposes, et cetera, et cetera. Just to make sure Belle Gibson doesn't get her grimy fingers on this cash as well. Exactly. Yes, yes, yes. We've had to name it.

A funny little, obviously very fake name, called Little Dumb Dumb Club. But thank you to everyone who has subscribed to that in the past, in the future, in the present, especially in the present. They're the people we're occupied with at the moment. And like you mentioned before, let's read out some of these some of these great names that have contributed even to uh the purchase of that um that cookbook slash doorstop that you're currently using um yep with the the cures to leukemia in there within um pavlova recipes um okay let's turn on the unplanned title alternator keep this all fair and square

oh should we you know what i'll do this for the first time now in the past before we upgraded to the absolute infallible um uta software that we have now there has been um a mistake or two made apparently in the past we've heard a few times from this person, so I just thought I'd clear this up. This isn't officially part. This is a redo, very quick redo. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Bennett Humphries. Apparently we read out Brenton Humphries in the past. So I'm a little bit on the side of like,

shut up, get over it. But then I'm like, actually, Brenton's pretty dumb. Brenton's terrible. Yeah. Couldn't be more wrong. And it sounds like shit. Getting the name wrong and it sounding a bit better. I don't think we would have heard a complaint,

but yeah, that's, that's pretty bad. I don't blame Bennett for, uh, for, for arcing up. I hope this doesn't set a precedent

where other people come, come knocking and going, oh, you made, you made fun of me. Called me Johnny Fuckknuckle. It's not my name made fun of me and called me Johnny Fuckknuckle. It's not my name at all. Yeah, it's Ted Fuckknuckle.

Yeah, well, shut up, Johnny. Yeah, I hope that doesn't set a precedent because, yeah, we don't care. It's funnier if we fuck your name up. But, yeah, sorry, Bennett, your precious Christian name, Bennett, instead of Brenton. Humphrey Beebear, you fucking pantsless cunt. Yeah, I'm going to fuck your beebear ass, Bennett. Yes. Yeah, so sorry about that, but here it is.

It's all fixed up now. You're fucking welcome, Brenton. Ha-ha, gotcha. Yes. Your real name, Brenno. Thanks, Brenno. Thanks, Tunny. Thanks, Bren.

Okay, let's start this. Let's start these freshies. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber number one. First cap off the rank this week. Thank you to Mitch McPherson. Ooh. Any relation to Elle, do you think? Oh.

Elle Gibson or Elle McPherson? All right. No, Elle Gibson. Yeah, the famous supermodel slash Klansman, Elle Gibson. Famous ultra-pedophile, Elle Gibson. Yeah. Yeah, not sure. Not sure.

I mean, sure. You know, shares the same hobbies But not sure if actually related Right, right McPherson You know what? Elle McPherson She's one of those celebrities now

That's gone a little bit Woohoo Oh, really? Yeah, she's going out with Some form of scientist Slash COVID denier slash numpty. You know, one of these fellas. Yeah.

Wow, that's a fascinating intersection. Scientist slash COVID denier. Yeah, slash numpty. Yeah, there's a lot going on. Looking her up. Yeah. She is – I think she might even be selling some sort of product, like some sort of...

You know, back in the old days, it's a bit of eye cream or something, but now I think it's a bit of tinfoil to be made into your head leisure wear, shall we say. Yeah, here you go. It was reported that Macpherson was dating British ex-physician and anti-vax activist... There we go. It was reported that Macpherson was dating British ex-physician and anti-vax activist Andrew Wakefield. There we go.

Wow. Yeah, I think she's had a pretty interesting life. She's had a few interesting relationships and whatever. interesting relationships and whatever. I think she was rumoured to have slept with her or had some form of a relationship with Norm Macdonald, I remember. Oh, really? Yeah, very odd. But yeah, she seems like a bit of a nuffie, obviously.

Like, you're supposed to get smarter as you get older. Obviously not. What about this? When you Google her, one of the suggested things that come up is people also ask, how much is Elle Macpherson worth? How much does Elle Macpherson weigh?

What perfume does Elle Macpherson wear? Is Elle Macpherson Aboriginal? Oh, wow. The big four. Okay. And then you click it and it just says, she is of Scottish descent. Right. What gave that away?

Swing and a miss. The surname? Wow. Yeah. Very strange. Yeah. Australia's, we've had a few supermodels, haven't we? Do supermodels even exist anymore as a term?

They had that period had that that period in the 90s where they were like it was like the marvel movies it was like the avengers you know you had those um five to seven to eight or whatever it was claudia schiffer and elma furson and christy turlington and stuff do they have do you have supermodels anymore or not is that a thing is it just yeah let me i'm gonna look that up do supermodels anymore or not? Is that a thing? Is it just... Yeah. Let me... I'm going to look that up. Do supermodels still exist? Is there a band or is there a select group of the top eight of them anymore? Is there some...

Yeah. Is there some governing body sort of... Some union? The supermodel era as it was defined two decades ago is dead. Right. So Forbes, Forbes reported this in 2011, the end of the supermodel. Okay. All right.

So no. No, that don't exist. Who were the five original supermodels? Long before there was Kendall Jenner and Gigi Hadid, there were the big five. Cindy Crawford, Chrissy Turlington, Linda Evangelista, Naomi Campbell, and Claudia Schiffer, the original 90s supermodels. There we go.

I just looked up on Ranker who are the most famous models in the world right now. Number one, Gigi Hadid, who I don't really know. Number two, Candice Swanepoel, who I clearly don't know the name of. Kendall Jenner, number three. Cara Delevingne, is that her name? Number four. Bella Hadid, number five.

Yeah, these are models, not supermodels. Naomi Campbell's in the top five. She's 50 years old. She's still in the top five. She's 50 years old. She's still in the top on this website that you're looking at. On Ranker. Not that this is too official. But I guess she's one of the most recognizable people. Yep, yep.

Now, she should be an anti-vaxxer. She's crazy. Poor old, poor old. Why do we have to get, of all the supermodels, how come we have to get the crazy one? Yeah. Not fair. You mean like why is the Australian one the one that's turned the most loopy?

Yeah. Yeah. Shame. Well, I guess you could look at it as like she probably, she hasn't lived in Australia for a long time, right? So if you wanted to you know we could we could pretty our country could pretty easily distance ourselves from her she's one of those um this guy her boyfriend has a huge wikipedia page and all of it is about anti-vax stuff in some way yeah

that's that's kind of impressive to have done that much work for the cause that you have got an absolutely brimming Wikipedia page all about it. Right. Fuck. And Elle Macpherson read that page and went, wouldn't mind rooting him. Hubba hubba. I got a big white on seeing this.

Yeah. Give me the needle, if you know what I'm saying. Yep. And it sounds like he's anti-vax, but he's not anti-vag, if you know what I'm saying. Yeah, very nice. Very nice. I'm sure he's used that. I'm sure he's used that line all his time.

That's how he wrote it. That's how he did it. That's how he did it. It's just that easy, folks. Yeah. He's how he wrote it. That's how he did it. It's just that easy, folks. Yeah. He's a doctor. Scientifically proven

pick-up line. Might be Andy Vax, but I'm not Andy Vagel. Jump on in. Thank you. Thanks, Elle's twin brother, Mitch.

Thanks, Mitchie. Thanks for being the sibling of the hottest numbskull Australia has produced Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Andrew Burt Okay, alright B-U-R-T Who's next?

Yes, yes, yes Andrew Ernie. There we go. Andrew Burt Reynolds. The old cannibal run of Patreon subscribers himself. The old Burt Reynolds famously watching Boogie Nights and then firing his agent who told him to do it. Oh, really?

Perhaps this guy is going to have the exact same response. Someone else told him to subscribe and then he's listened to this and he's gone, get fucked, you're out of my life forever. How dare you talk to me like that? Yeah, yeah. He hated how it, yeah, when he saw it, he hated it, which it's hard to imagine it turning out that much differently to how it

looked on the page i can't really imagine you know you you've read a script where you're a guy that runs a a porno company like what what did you and also in real life you look like you run a porno company as well like he he doesn't look too different from the character he played he looks yeah and acts pretty weird and creepy, or he did. Yeah, it's a shame because he's fucking awesome in it. I'd love to know. I'd love there to be more information about what he, I guess stylistically for when it was made.

It's pretty, you know, Paul Thomas Anderson has a pretty unique style and that's one of his first films, so maybe it was just that. He didn't like it at all. And Burt Reynolds hadn't had a famous, like a hit for a long time. So that was a hit movie. Should have been fucking was just that. He didn't like it at all. And Burt Reynolds hadn't had a hit for a long time, so that was a hit movie. Should have been fucking wrapped with that. Andrew Burt Reynolds, what about Andrew Dom Deluise? Any thoughts about that? Why?

Just because those two used to make movies together, the Cannonball Run one and two. Right. That's something. I don't know if I've ever seen Dom DeLuise in anything. Oh, really? Let me Google this MF. His son was in 21 Jump Street, which I always found very funny.

Peter DeLuise. Just Dom DeLuise, which I always found very funny. Peter Deluise. Just Dom Deluise having a son is sort of funny. Look at this motherfucker. Just a different world when you could be famous. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. What's the last thing he's in?

Probably the Cheesecake Shop. Bongie Bear and the Kingdom of Rhythm. Great. Recorded. Wow. This came out in 2019. He recorded his voice for it. It's an animated film.

He recorded his voice for it in 2006. What? And the film didn't come out for another 13 years. What? That must have looked great when posters for it were going up and starring Dom DeLuise and people going, that cunt died like 13 years ago. Yeah, 90% of people going, who's that? And 10% being, he died 15 years ago.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Wow. Okay. I'm trying. Well, I'd like that to be your first taste of Dom DeLuise, to watch that animated movie and listen to the croaky, old, outdated, unfashionable voice of him from 15 years ago,

completely out of step with today's modern voices. I guess I've probably seen one of those cartoons that he's in. He's in like all those, like All Dogs Go to Heaven and American Tail, Five Goes West. All those kinds of ones from the time. I probably saw them at some point. But apart from that, never seen Cannonball Run.

Oh, I've seen the Muppet movie. Okay. There you go. That's the only live action thing I've seen him in is Watch the Cannonball Run. Okay. I remember it being fun when I only live action thing I've seen him in is... Watch the cannibal run. Okay. I remember it being fun when I was a kid. I'd like to know if it stands up. Yeah, get that to...

I really hope that you watch that and that's your gateway into being completely obsessed and the new segment on this show, Talking Dom. Talking Dom. Talking Dom Dom. And the new segment on this show, Talking Dom. Talking Dom. Talking Dom Dom. Well, Talking Dom was like a little bit of what we were doing

during the Masked Pega last year, but anyway. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Andrew Burt, quite a name. I've seen that floating around on the socials. Always been a little bit – it's taken my eye.

Just Burt as a name first or last is – Well, yeah. It's a been a little bit – it's taken my eye. Just Bert as a name first or last is – Well, yeah, I know it's spelled differently, but Child of Fiona O'Loughlin. Bert O'Loughlin. Oh, yeah. I mean, Albert, I guess that's short for. I suppose. We should ask her. Maybe not, I mean.'s short for? I suppose. We should ask her.

Maybe not, I mean. She probably wouldn't know. Would she? Well, yeah, I mean it probably is Albert because it shares two first letters with a favourite pastor. Albert's anonymous. You can't call your son alcohol. Alright, the next best thing, I'll call him Albert. The next word in the dictionary.

Abert. Yeah, well, I hope Fiona's out there doing well somewhere. I wouldn't have thought so, but still, last time I talked to her. Whoa. Yeah, but anyway. Which was when? I hope everything's great out there, Fiona. When was the last time you talked to her. Whoa. Yep. Which was when? I hope everything's great out there, Fiona. When was the last time you spoke to her?

Oh, not too long ago. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't know what the fuck she's on about. But she was lovely enough to drop in on our drunk cast. Yes, she was. At the end of comedy festival which uh she wasn't drunk for

but she was lovely enough to i believe i believe i believe we she dropped in because she had uh booked in she wanted i think she wanted to start her own podcast or something and so she i i invited her to come along to it and then she said oh that's the same time i've actually asked i've put out an open call for people to come along to my hotel room and record stuff for my podcast and then when she turned up to our one it's like yep no one turned up to yours did they so oh boy she obviously didn't have much to do that night, but lovely of her to come along. Yeah. Thanks, Andrew Burt.

Thanks, Berto. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Kieran Robertson. My mother's maiden name. Perhaps this guy is related to me. Kieran Robertson is the maiden name. Yeah. Yeah. There's the maiden name. Yeah. All right.

There's a full name. Elizabeth Kieran Robertson Dasolo. Uh-oh. Does that mean that a lot of people can now hack into various things of yours by using your mother's maiden name? Yeah, I just thought that. What's the street you grew up on? First dog's name. The Hershey Highway is my answer for both those questions.

So your mum's maiden name was Mrs. Hershey Highway. Yeah. Yeah. It's just I put that for all of them. Yeah. I put that. Every answer to every question. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It does sound appetizing. I'll put that. Every answer to every question. Yeah. Yeah. I get on a roll once I answer yes, please for sex. I'm then just on a roll and I'm feeling good and I'm having a lot of fun answering questions on the form. Yeah. Just for the census, the TV ratings. Yeah.

Great. Right. It does sound delicious, doesn't it, the Hershey Highway? I think it would take me until about 13 or 14 years of age to realize that that's not what it is. It's not as – like if you had Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory and you were like, yeah, no worries to get from this part of the factory to the other part that's the hershey highway that you travel on so it took you until when you say realize it's not delicious it took you until 13 or 14 to realize that you're not gay is that what you're

saying uh no that was that took a bit longer but because some people they work out the other meaning and they're like honestly sounds more delicious if anything yeah yeah yeah i mean if you're gay you're in the wheelhouse of like the hershey highway it never stops being enticing to you you know when you're a little kid you think it's chocolate and then you cross that divide and you're like hey i'm still oh but you i mean you're you're working under the parameter of thinking that you know anal is is only for gay people. I'll have to alert you to something, Tommy. It's absolutely not.

You're right. I mean, I do love eating ass. I don't know that I want a whole highway worth of it. Right. Probably more of like the Hershey cul-de-sac would be for me. That's more why I think it's like a gay thing is because like statistically the amount of it that you're partaking is more like a highway than the average heterosexual person as into that as they are yeah they're probably not doing more than like a laneway well i would say that i would say that it's a rare example for me of a highway being decommissioned a long, long, long time ago.

Oh, yeah, right. Yeah, there's an absolutely different road I'm travelling on these days, that's for sure. Wrong way, go back. Yeah. And you're like, oh, but we'll get, I'll get there quicker. Yeah. No. No.

No, we're going the side way. No. It's a lot more fun. It's got Maccas on the No. It's a lot more fun. It's got Maccas on the side. It's like, you know, it's a better view. No, it's bad for the car. We can't go down it. That's why there's all the signs there.

It's going to fuck up the suspension. There's a massive toll on it now, a toll you cannot afford. No, Siri. Those days are gone. Unfortunately. Damn. What a shame. Yeah, I know.

What a shame. I know. It's like one of my best friends has moved away and gone and lived on a farm. And by best friends, I mean anal sex. Put out to pasture. Just pour out a can of anal sex on the curb for him yeah what a shame um yeah kieran thanks kieran don't say her name but i will disclose this detail well it's really just ruling something out you know i don't think it's it's a true it's it's really just ruling something out.

You know, I don't think it's a – It's true. It's no great – I would be very interested in hearing a story where a man who is married comes on and goes, you know what? Ever since I got married, it's just been more anal sex than usual. I never knew this was the trick. Oh, God.

Well, we're about to hear from them because no doubt there's at least one or two people out there listening who will be absolutely rapt to get in the Facebook group and churn through story after story of their wives giving up the old dirt button after being carried across the threshold. I welcome it. So do I. I wonder if that's ever been like a bit of a condition of marriage. It's like the guy's down on one knee and gone, darling, we've been together.

You're the one for me. We're soulmates. But if I put this ring on your finger, can I put that ring on my dick finger? Yes. Well, you know, now that I'm moving into a house with my fake betrothed, I guess I'm now fake not having anal anymore. I can't keep up with the logistics of how of how that works but yeah.

Is fake not having anal mean you're actually having anal? Is that what that means? Oh right. That's great. The real estate agent comes around for an inspection and finds us just going hammer and tong up the arse. She's like wait a minute! You said you were married! Wow. What a way. What said you were married. Wow.

What a way. What a way to be sprung. Yeah. Hey, there's probably the best way to get evicted, I have to say. Be a real hassle to have to pack everything up and get a new place, but I wouldn't be too mad about telling people that story. Yeah. Yeah, there are worse ways, that's for sure.

I wouldn't mind getting kicked out of a house if it's if that's what it takes um very nice um thanks robo i don't know how we got there from there to me that's always the sign of a good patreon read to get to the end and then go what the fuck um yeah i mean like the like the great like the great hershey Highway itself, it's more of the journey than how we got there. That's it. I mean, I never have the name in front of me, so come out of the riff and feel like I'm in a fugue state

where I can't remember where I am, who we've been talking about, how many names we've done. Yeah, exactly. Thanks, Robbo. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Rachel Baxter. Rachel Baxter. Well, well, well.

She came crawling back. Yeah. You know, you've met this person. Have I? This is my friend who lives in London, who did merch for us when we did our live shows in london and more than one listener more than one listener came and asked her if she's your wife oh really and uh yeah she was just like so much is funny about this so what we've just

left our child in a hotel room. And the idea of you bringing your wife across the world to then get her to sell merch for us at our gig, not mentioning that she's there, just having her flogged T-shirts at the end of the gig. Yes. But, I mean, to be fair, my wife did come on the second International Podcast festival, but she sort of went undercover.

I didn't mention who she was, but a lot of the diehards figured out who it was and et cetera. Yeah, like you didn't have her doing tech for us or anything like that. She wasn't on the clock while she was there. Probably wasn't far off, but still. She wasn't on the clock while she was there. Probably wasn't far off, but still. Hang on.

So Rachel Baxter is your friend who they thought was my wife who was doing the merch, who also I think because it was a big – wasn't there a mixture of people thinking it was my wife plus a few people maybe trying it on plus maybe a mixture of both? Yes, I believe so. There was one stage I got so drunk I thought that was my wife and I was like – and I went, damn, can't have any more. Oh, yeah. Damn. That old story. Damn.

Yeah. Well, yeah. I don't know. I don't know. Sorry if Ray's up for – if that's part of her repertoire or not. That's what strict me because over there you would call her Ray. I thought it was short for Raylene or something, not Rachel. I've never heard that before, Ray short for Rachel.

It's funny, you reading that that out it took me a few moments to go oh yeah that's right that's that's what we that's her nickname oh that's her secret identity but i mean it it could just be a completely different person that would be great maybe it is raylene never she's never asked yeah oh so did she know did she listen to our show before we were in london or is is is her doing merch for us converted her into being a dumb dumb pub listener and now a subscriber no she's listened for a little bit we yeah we've been friends i've known her since i was like 18 or something and then yeah she's listened for a little while. And,

uh, yeah, I, to be honest, I kind of always forget that she listens. Cause like, especially now that she lives in London, we'll touch base and, uh,

and then, you know, she'll tell me what's going on and she's like, yeah, anyway, I know what's going on with you. Cause you were talking about this on the pod. I'm like,

Oh yeah, that's right. Listen. So, uh, yeah, she was very excited. Uh,

when we went over, uh, I believe she's trying to come back. She's hoping that she'll be able to come back and, yeah, she was very excited when we went over. I believe she's trying to come back. She's hoping that she'll be able to come back and visit this great country for Christmas this year, pending quarantine and all that kind of stuff. But, yeah, sorry to reveal all your personal life details, right? But you must have known that something along these lines was coming. Well, I just tried to look her up on facebook and the the top option that came up is rachel baxter dash a celebration

of life so let's hope she's not dead wow i believe that she's on there under oh uh let me have a look she's on there no she's on there under Ray. Well, thanks for letting everyone know. Now they can look her up. Yeah. I keep feeling bad that we're saying her full name and then I'm like, oh, no, that's the whole point of the segment. She subscribes at the whole point of this. Yeah.

Is Rachel a bloke who is currently in the ballarat car swap sell or buy group who is selling a 2001 statesman for nine thousand dollars because that's who i'm finding at the moment there's no i'm not finding a ray baxter with one mutual friend tommy daslow well she has uh she she did have the um she did have the vaccine recently, so maybe it sent her troppo and she now thinks she's an old man living in Ballarat selling a car. Right. Okay. That makes sense, I guess. I can leave it at that.

Yeah. Oh, nice. Well, it's sort of nice, but it's sort of almost a little bit awkward as well when you read out a name and it's like, oh, I know this person. There's a few people like that that I know that subscribe and it's like like cool you is this is this a good thing that i have a friend of mine giving me money or is this pathetic right yeah it's a bit like that yeah my friend helping me pay my bills every month it's a bit dire because it's it's like that plus it's like if that's what you're trying to do you're fucking giving half your money to him, to the other bloke.

Right. Yeah, yeah. Well, I don't quite know how long Ray's subscribed for, but Ray, you know, you've probably, it's been long enough now that by the time you're out here for Christmas, you're probably entitled to like a couple of days worth of rent at my house. So if you want to stay there and I'll just move out, you buy rights with the amount of money that we've gotten out of you.

Yeah, I probably have to give up my room. Right. Okay. Right. In the new house, she can be the first house guest. Yep. Officially. Yeah, well, nice.

Well, she seemed like a nice young lady when I met her. Yeah, she's great. She was very good to help us out. And, yeah, she did not seem, you know, she getting questioned about being your wife and being awkwardly hit on. And she took it all in her stride. So good for you, Ray. Thank you very much for helping us out.

I could see why you would have that experience and then go, I've got to start monetarily contributing to this lifestyle. I think I could be wrong, but I have a feeling that Ballard stayed at her place when he was over there last. Why? In 2019 or whatever. Because he knows her a bit through me, and she has a big spare room in her house.

And she, yeah, she offered, and he took her up on it. Because the ABC doesn't pay well enough. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Well, thanks, Rackles. That was a fun time, London. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Thanks, Rackles. That was a fun time, London.

Seems a long time ago, partly because it was, I guess, but also partly because it doesn't seem like we are very close to being able to do anything like that again anytime soon. Yeah, I mean, it kind of wasn't really all that long ago it was like basically two years right which is a little bit of time but not not to an insane degree when you consider how little we've been allowed to do in the in the time between but yeah yeah yeah just um that was a it was a very fun thing you know getting to do something we hadn't done before and then um you know having

a good reception having a lot of people in london wanting to come to the show doing and end up doing three sold out shows in a cool venue lots and it was a very good culture afterwards everyone wanting to you know stick around have a drink with us and very big one of the bigger part of party party vibes we've ever had after a show i reckon yeah yeah yeah just taking over that beer garden yeah and then um and then coming back there the next day i think you were doing a solo or something and like once we'd done our three live podcasts and then us coming back like on a final day and kappa doing his show and the pub had just run out of beer.

Yeah, I think Kappa did his solo after we had done the day where we'd done the two podcasts back to back. And then mine, yeah, my show was, yeah, on the next day, which was the public holiday. Right. Which I can't remember if you were there or not. I think maybe you'd gone home by then i think i i think i came along um to the start of it or something right i'm pretty sure i came along to the start of it and then um i and then i had to go home then i had to go to the

to the to the airport oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I'll tell you who was there. Ray Baxter. Ray. Everybody loves Rachel. Thanks, Rackles. It was Rachel in my high school. I've never heard that before or since.

Her nickname was Rackles. I like it. Don't mind her? I like it. I'm going to start calling her that instead of Ray. Exactly. I'm going to start calling her Rackles I like it don't mind her? I like it I'm going to start calling her that instead of Ray exactly

I'm going to start calling her Rackles from now on yeah alright I've got to go so last Patreon subscriber fifth one for this week

thank you very much to Rackles Comedy thanks everyone thanks Rackles and thanks everyone get onto patreon.com slash little dum-dum club support the show

get two bonus episodes every week get your name read out at the end of the episode head to little dum-dum club And thanks, everyone. Get onto patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. Support the show. Get two bonus episodes every week. Get your name read out at the end of the episode. Head to littledumbdumbclub.com. We've got tickets to the live stuff. We've got the merch all on there. And, yes, take care, everyone, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. See you, mates.