The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 563 - Ben Knight & Nick Capper

Episode Date: July 14, 2021

This week we're joined by first-time guest BEN KNIGHT and his housemate, NICK CAPPER! Knighty and Capper have been helping Karl prepare for his big soccer comeback, which has lead to a devastating injury. We talk about the training regime, which mostly involves squabbling about who was and was not doing the exercises correctly.There's also a gigantic detour of stories about a well-known viral comedian, including a heroic life-saving effort from Knighty, PLUS, Dassalo's handed over the keys to The Masturbatorium and had an explosive encounter with his famous neighbour! The outcome WILL shock you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a great new episode with guests Nick Capper and Ben Knight. We have a few live things coming up. Our Brisbane shows are all sold out. Hope you've got your tickets to them. We'll see you for that in a few weeks. That's August 7th, but most importantly is we're hitting Melbourne. We're travelling up and down to Melbourne for the Big 500 episode. This is very important, guys. Not long to go now. We're nearly sold out, but we do need you to gobble up those last remaining tickets. It is Saturday night, August the 14th, the 500th episode,

finally at the Athenam Theatre in downtown Melbourne, Tommy. Finally recording our 500th episode, so come check that out, littledumbdumbclub.com. But in the meantime, here is episode 564? 66, maybe? With great guests nick capper and ben knight hey mates welcome once again into the little dum-dum club thank you very much for joining us my name is tommy dasolo with me as, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, Dickhead. Now, folks, I hope you're sitting down.

We've got a bombshell guest on the show today. One of the people joining us, please welcome Nick Capa. Yes, wow. Oh, my God, guys. It's been so long. Now, Capa, we have you on the show a lot, and there might be some people, you know, listening to this, they've seen your name pop up. They've thought they have this guy on all the time.

People might think it's a little bit lazy that we have you on all the time. Yeah. And sometimes that is the case. Yes. But a lot of the time we get you on because you're good glue with other people. Yeah. And part of the reason we've got you on today is because our second guest, great comedian in his own right, you may have heard him on Nova,

but also your housemate. Please welcome into the little dum-dum club, Ben Knight. Yeah. We're going to get your fiancé on for a second. He made it. Thank you so much for letting me in the dum-dum hall of fame. Oh, he's fucked it already. He's already in the hall of fame, he reckons.

50 seconds in. 50 seconds in the Hall of Fame He reckons 50 seconds 50 seconds The Hall of Fame I just got nervous Because the message Carl sent was Be funny cunt Pretty fair

Pretty fair He's being polite to you Because it's your first time Yeah totally Yeah yeah yeah I love it that Glue is Tommy Dasolo

Whipping boy He just like He just like Oh anyone can hang Shit on Kappa. Like, we can get the worst open mic. Yeah, yeah. And we have.

You'll feel confident around Kappa. I messaged Nighty the other day to see if he was free, and he was like, yeah, that'd be great. And then it's like, I'll let you know when we've got another guest, and then it ends up being Kappa. And it's like, big run around. Yeah, it took three days. Yeah, yeah.

I did consider not telling each of you that the other one was on, just so you came here separately. That would have been funny as shit. Completely wasted your time. Also, if you could just speed this up a bit, Tommy, because Kappa's just before he starts like, come on, hurry up, let's start this, which didn't, funnily enough, feel through to the fact that he turned up fucking 25 minutes late. Well, I wanted to keep the magic going.

We were having a good chat at the start, and I thought, well, I'm going to get worn out. I'm going to get worn out. Just because of you being attached to Nighty. Nighty, horrible first impression for this podcast. Like, you'd think he'd be keen to get here. 25 minutes late, thanks to fucking you. Yeah, but Tommy said that he was running late. That's true, I was running late.

He was running late, and that kind of gave me, like, hey, Nighty and I went and did a quick arm session. But, yeah. What she did, it was pretty sick. He started lifting you? Is that what was going on? Yeah. Sometimes I give him a few free ones, you know.

I messaged you that in advance to say like, hey, sorry that you'll be waiting around for me for a bit. I didn't take that. I didn't mean you would take that to mean, by all means, now be later than me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, but I thought oh you gotta set up

set up all the gear I was actually saying we need to get there where's Carl's like you were meant to direct us oh yeah and I just

I was driving down what was that road we were down and you go hey do you know where Carl's house and you're like oh fuck sorry man

he's just looking at his phone great great yeah we are in my house back on my home turf so fucking fucking watch out, cunts. This is where my true power is. So I've been recording in Tommy's house all this time on tenterhooks, walking on eggshells, but now I can actually put the foot down.

You're in front of a clothes horse that's got women's underwear hanging on it. You're really comfortable surrounded by toys. Just a few trophies from the years gone by. Just thought I'd give them a wash. The clothes were some power. And the two photos of your wife and kid. Yes, the two photos in here, Carl. Oh, my God.

Yes, thank you. I'm a loving husband and father. Oh, three. I didn't see that one. Yeah, there's a photo of Carl and his wife. Carl looks like he's on the Valiums. That's got real Warnie vibes, that one, doesn't it? What does that mean?

A woman just headlocking Carl. Remember that selfie Warnie took ages ago? That selfie? That's not a selfie. That's a professionally taken photo. That's a selfie. Oh, sorry, that one. Yeah, that one.

That's a selfie. Not the one with his kid in it. You got ripped off. No, there's a speaker on top of another. There's four photos here. There's four photos here, guys. Far out. It's a real art bank here.

Oh, shit. There you go. Oh, there you go. The speaker is sitting on top of another photo. Wow, that's Carl's emotions for you. The speaker goes on top of that one. That's my child that's put that there. Dude, you all dress...

You look like Johnny Cash. All dressed in black. That's hot. Wow. I'm pretty cool. You're right. Is that your point? Yes. Dude, you look like Johnny Cash, all dressed in black. That's hot. Wow. I'm pretty cool, you're right. Is that your point? Yes. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Good. Just wrecking your house. Now, Carl. Yes. Nighty and I, we thought we'll help you out with your training. Yes. Oh, yeah. This is the other part of why we got you guys in.

We'd help you out. The Dalesford, they were calling us. They were like, hey, you've got to pump Carl up. You've got to get him there. And we thought, okay, we'll do some sprints. So this is an update on, if you've been watching, if you've been listening. Do you want me to let the cat in while you do the recap? God, I've missed this.

The recapper. Yeah. So the last couple of weeks we've been talking about me being in training, about going back, making my 20-year comeback to Dalesford Soccer Club. The seniors, I'm in the Hall of Fame, I'm in the Team of the Century. I've been training. Yes. The comeback was scheduled in for two days ago.

How long has the club been going for? You said Team of the Century. Well, I played 20 years ago. I think it's been going for 25 years. Team of the Century. They named it on me. I think it's been going for 25. Team of the century. They named it on me. They named it on me. I would have gone with team of the millennium.

So we were going to go up on Sunday. The game was going to be on Sunday, just gone. We had this whole plan where we would do an ep on the road. We'd record. I'd go up. We'd have a guest. We'd do some live ep on the road. We'd record. I'd go up. We'd have a guest. We'd do some live reactions to the game. And then I think it was Thursday morning,

I see Kappa puts a video on Instagram of Carl in the goals training, getting ready for the game. And then about half an hour later, I get a message from Carl. I think Sunday might be off. It was good stuff. So you two came out and helped me train because I was like, all right, there's only so much I can do on my own. I need a bit of other people around, kicking the ball to each other,

having shots at goal, stuff like that. So you got Nick Capper to help you. Well, I got – Bring your sexy housemate. To be honest, we did the shuttle runs. Look, I don't want to – you don't want a big note, but I think I put in the most effort by the 10th. You guys were tiring a bit, but I was, you know,

and Carl said, Nighty, you've got to put your hand on the line every time you do the shuttle run. You go to the end, you put your hand on the line. You touched down. Yeah, you guys, you weren't putting your hands on the line. Don't say you, mate. I was. I was putting my hand right on the line every time.

You can't even bend over that far. What are you talking about? I was bending over. I was flexing. You were falling over, I think. You do bend over. I've seen your ass crack more than I reckon any other person on earth. You've actually wrecked asses for me.

That's it. I'm converting to a tits man. I can't find too many bad memories down there. Don't start wearing shorts or I'm going

to go off legs as well. It's even worse now because he's got the big scar like that big scar from coming off his motorbike.

Oh really? Yeah it's a good one. Really? Where's the scar? On his left arse cheek. How come you've seen it then?

I go to gym with him. I spot him all the time Is he in the gym in the nude? Dude might as well be. His arse is always out. It's so good. ass cheek. How come you've seen it then? I go to gym with him. I spot him all the time Is he in the gym in the nude? Dude, might as well be.

His ass is always out. It's so good. Yeah, Carl, this is what we're talking about. You see about, you see like 70% of the ass crack whether you want to or not.

I see the crack. I'm like, you know, if there's a scar, I'm pretty sure that's just the crack. I'm not sure if that's a scar but that's all I've seen. I haven't seen a full cheek.

Am I looking at Jermelon's feature film because I'm seeing the crack right now? Yes. The opposite of that. It is not a good time when you see Cap's crack. What if you became a breast man, but then you saw a pair of breasts that look like my ass?

Yeah. Actually, if you put nipples on your ass, then I've got nothing going on. Yeah, yeah. Then I'm gay. Back to the ass again. You wore undies the other day and your ass crack wasn't out when you did squats and I was like a little bit disappointed. Like it was like, what's going on?

Where is it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that says it all. This is a marquee event that knows. Just to point out, you were wearing undies the other day. Man, that's the only time you didn't spot me. Usually it's right in there Yeah When you got your ass

Hanging out I spot you a lot actually I was wondering why So Nody You were helping With the training You've played for Greg Larson's Rat World

Yeah The Canadian soccer team In the past For anyone who doesn't know you You are What like 6'5 Yeah sure You're a tall man You're a big rat world yeah comedian soccer team in the past everyone who doesn't know you you are what like six six five yeah sure

you're a tall man you're a big you're a big four looking ass motherfucker yeah fuck it this is sick

you're big you're like open Mike Hemsworth yeah Hemsworthless I thought you said we're going to hang shit on Kappa yeah

shut up idiot there will be collateral damage unfortunately sorry about this we've got the Uzi out we're just firing into the side of our house so yeah

you were you were helping train this man over here you've played with me on the indoor pitch before. Yeah, I've been yelled at by Carl many times. See, I don't discriminate. It's not only people that are smaller than me,

it's people twice the size of me as well. I remember I yelled back at you once. I was like, fuck, I've got to rush, man. It was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because Carl just yells at me all the time. It's like, I want gigs. So I'm like yeah Carl I like how 90s are flawless players as well

Like he would never make a mistake on a bit Carl's like what the fuck You didn't get that up quick enough I remember Carl was piss farting around with the ball For a bit Oh that's right I remember this And then you said you've got to move And I'm like dude I've been sitting here for like five minutes

asking for the ball and then Carl he just looked at me and we're like yeah you could because your size you could do like

the cartoon thing of just like bonking Carl on the head and he just like slowly goes into the ground like a hammer with a nail yeah yeah nah I'm scared

when we first rocked up to that futsal team, I was like, fuck yeah, like all comedians, this is going to be so much fun. I got there. It is the angriest group of men I've ever met. It's so good. I played two games. I've told you this before.

I played two games. I watched Brett Blake and James Masters on separate occasion pull the other player's hair and kick them. And I'm lucky I had Olly Clark there. Like, he's just a nice guy. Because I was like, who are these people? He's Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. There were several comics that left

because they didn't know it was going to be that intense. Oh, man, it's so fucking intense. I love it. Yeah, Brett Blake has white line fever real bad. Man, the best thing ever was Brett's played, he was playing one season. When I first moved in with you, you guys needed a player.

And I went and played. And 90 passed the ball to me and I kicked a goal. And like, it was easy as. But Brett still hadn't scored a goal that season. He was so angry. He's like, Kevin scored a goal, what the fuck? Yeah, look, Brett's very, Blake is very determined with everything he does. So he's very like – he's not fit, but he – like I was talking about the times I was running for 5K,

and so he's not fit at all. Just to prove a point, he went out and ran this really good time, even though he's not physically capable of running that time. So he just did it and then blew up. Like he was that fucked afterwards. But that's what he's like with soccer he's like very determined

and angry and whatever but then it's like okay now kick a goal no you've got no coordination at all unfortunately so you can't do it but did we

have we talked I don't think we ever mentioned this but he's been on the show once before Aaron Gox like comedian Aaron Gox so he

he got into he wanted to come and play for us but because I take it seriously I'm like you're not fucking playing you're not playing so he wanted to come and play for us. But because I take it seriously, I'm like, you're not fucking playing. You're not playing. So he would just come down and want to play. And then he realized what was going to happen. So he just came down and didn't, we were kicking the ball around

and we were like warming up before the game. So we're just kicking it back and forth, back and forth. And we're sitting there and we're like, okay, so I guess he's just come here just to watch. I guess he's just going to hang out and watch. I don't know why he's come down. He's got a family of kids he could be with. But anyway, he's just going to watch us play indoor soccer.

And then we get like two-thirds of the way through the match and all the ball's up the other end and we're hammering the goal up the other end. The ball comes up the other end. All of a sudden we go, hang on, where's our goalkeeper? Goxie has just told him to fuck off, walked onto the field, taken over in goals without any of us knowing,

and he's wearing slippers. He's wearing moccasins. He's wearing moccasins? Yeah, because that's why we thought he was just coming to watch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's in leisure wear, yeah. And so one of the opposition players has, I guess, seen that, just popped it in from halfway,

because he thought, well, what's the worst going to happen? We shoot at this big fat idiot that's got fucking slippers on of course he's gone nowhere fucking near it the balls hit the carton of milk he's left in the goals

yes that is great he left two litres of milk two litres of flavoured milk in the goals that's right which the thing

I was mad enough which is funny but I was literally mad at it because it's like they're just giving them something to aim at in the goals

they've just aimed at the big M in the fucking goals yeah waste of milk too the best part was when you screamed at him like Goxie get the fuck out of the goals

and then he went oh fuck off and then like Timmy went back in and Goxie sort of walked off the field real sad and all the other team

knew him and they were like oh head up Goxie you're the best yeah getting recognised in that moment is fucking incredible walked off the field real sad. And all the other team knew him. And they were like, oh, head up, Goxie. You're the best. Yeah, getting recognised in that moment is fucking incredible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's getting sympathy from the other team.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. So yeah, didn't he just, he just got in the car and drove off. He walked off the field and straight into the car and drove off. Yeah. And all the other team,

all the other team was trying to keep him. Like, Goxie, you're the best, man. Don't listen to him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They want to keep him on because he's letting in goals, man. Don't listen to him. Yeah, yeah. They want to keep him on because he's letting in goals from halfway because he's wearing

fucking slippers. Oh, man. I always thought with Rat World, like, I don't ever want to go and play because I would be far and away the worst person who's ever walked on the field for that team.

But then when I heard that story, I thought, ah, you know, maybe I could get in now because at worst, I'd be second worst person ever. Yeah, all you have to do is, you know, you could rock up in... Leave the milk at home. That's all you have to do is, you know, you could rock up in...

Leave the milk at home. That's all I have to do. You could rock up in bare feet and have just a bottle of Sprite in the fucking goals and you'd be better. 20% better. That's great. Sprite being the healthy athletic alternative to a big M. And bare feet would be better than moccasins. Yes, yep.

Would you actually play a Rat World? If we got the band back together, would you come play again? Probably not. Fuck, dude, that'd be dope. Probably not. I'd set you up a goal like Kappa. I don't think you could handle the pay. Look, Tommy doesn't have the experience with soccer.

Kappa? Yeah, but you know what? I was lucky and Kappa was lucky that two times he played, I wasn't there because I wouldn't have been able to fucking handle it. I didn't play with you. No, I know you didn't. It was the calmest game we've ever played. Like Kappa's crack,

I kind of missed it. It's like a meditation version of soccer, comparatively. I was very happy that Carl wasn't there when I got there. But yeah, I played a game

when you weren't there as well. I've played like four or five games for Ratwell. And Goxie was in goal. Yeah. And he kept coaching us. Really? Because I've known him for years. Yeah, so he's learned from the past.

He's in there. He's coaching you. He's like, guys, take your slippers off. Don't drink your beer again. Leave that behind. I taught him that. I want to take credit for that. Who coaches the coach? Don't run your big M Leave that behind I taught him that I want to take credit for that Who coaches the coach? Don't run

Stay here And I had a fucking stout with him I was like Man shut up Like If you can't handle the gox You can't handle Fucking Jando

Same response From the other team Like Hey goxy Get all this attention. And because I've done open mics with him for so long in Brisbane, I'm not used to it. I'm like, what were people recognising Goxie for?

Yeah. He loves sports so much. Do you think he was good back in the day? No. Oh, no. No. Zero hesitation. No.

No. No. He's counting cards a sport? Not to just turn this into the Goxie hour, but Capper, I regularly tell people your story about driving to the airport with Goxie and him parking a suburb away just in a street where he could get on street parking.

And then the two of you walking along the freeway. Goxie doesn't have a suitcase. He's got all his luggage in a plastic bag. He's got three plastic bags of merch. Three plastic bags of merch. Not even on a bindle, not even on the stick. Yeah, yeah. And he's being recognised by people, like,

driving past you guys on the highway. Just like, Goxie! We got a free ride with a taxi driver who picked us up. What? You hitchhiked in a taxi? So Goxie and I, we both, he had to go to Perth and I had to go to Brisbane or somewhere. And we worked out we had to fly at the same time or something.

And we had a gig in Bendigo. And he's like, all right, mate, what I'll do, I'll just drive. We'll just pick up your stuff real quick. And then we'll go to my house and I'll drive you to the airport. I'm like, sweet. And I'd never been to his house before. We grabbed my stuff, been to his house before we grabbed my stuff went to his house and it's just like plastic bags and cds everywhere i was like cds why'd you bring

these with you you know and um i said come on man we've got to go we've got to go like we're going to miss this plane and i walk into the bathroom and Gox is just shaving in the nude fuck that's so dope I was like man we gotta go like hurry up and he's like okay put his gear on

get three plastic bags because he was doing a live show this is when he was big and three plastic bags of merch and um yeah we pull over

no clothes for himself just he's still in the nude at this point no he's fucking bent he had no clothes for himself he He's still in the nude at this point. No, he's fucking bent. He had no clothes for himself. He just had three plastic bags.

That's so good. Did he just wear his merch? Yeah, he was just wearing shirts and fucking... He had shorts and slippers. I'm pretty sure he had his slippers on. Yep, yep. They go everywhere. Getting a free lift...

Oh, he was doing a guest spot in the WA Soccer League, wasn't he? Getting a free lift from a cabbie is a fucking incredible move. Oh, man. That's insane. We just pull up in Essendon and he just stops. And I'm like, what are we doing? Man, we're going to miss this plane. And he goes, well, now we walk.

So that was the plan. Like he asked to be dropped off by the free taxi driver in Essendon. No, no, no. This is Goxie parking in Essendon. Oh, right, right, right. Just on the street. He doesn't have to pay for parking at the airport. Free parking. You, he asked to be dropped off by the free taxi driver in Essendon. No, no, no. This is Goxie parking in Essendon. Oh, right, right, right. Just on the street so he doesn't have to pay for parking at the airport. Free parking. You don't have to pay.

He's like, so what do we do now? He's like, we just walk along the highway. What? He just got recognised and picked up. Yes, everyone's beeping their horns when walking past. Hey, Goxie! Yay! Dude, that happened to us in...

No one's recognising the cap. The cap. Really annoying. That got done at us when we were shooting the merger in Wagga Wagga. Yep, film you're in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, plug that. Me and Cody were sitting down having beers and Goxie was there.

And then all these people just started driving past going, Goxie, Goxie. And then people came up, Goxie, hey, man, can I have a beer? And we're like, fucking hell, he's huge. But then we found out about 20 minutes in, he sent out a Facebook thing, hey, hanging, can I have a beer? And we're like, fucking hell, he's huge. But then we found out about 20 minutes in, he sent out a Facebook thing, hey, hanging out at the Royal Externium, wherever we were, come say hi.

But he kept it under wraps. We're going, what? So many people coming to say hi. And he's like, man, I don't know. Personal appearance at the pub. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Signing slippers. Come on.

Can you, I've just remembered this. Can you tell the story About on that film That you shot So it's a film That's set in a Small country town Last story

Last story This is closing up The Goxie Corner This is the end Of the Goxie Corner For this episode But yeah Film you're in

Called The Merger Which I really enjoyed So people should check it out I think it's on Netflix On Netflix yeah About a small Small country town Football team

And it's yeah You're in, Nick Cody's in it. Yeah. And Goxie's in it. Damien Callen wrote it. Yeah. It started, yeah. And so you're all hanging out in this town filming the film. Yeah.

And Goxie... We went for a swim. Go for a swim. All right. Yeah. So, this is so wild. All right. This is my favourite Goxie story.

Yeah, this is one of my Favourite stories So we're at the Wagga The Wagga River And it's It's a pretty strong

Current right And so we walk Halfway across There's kind of like A bank You can walk Halfway across And then the

Current takes you down Because there's a Swing on the other side Yep And so we do We're mucking around On the swing Swimming

And then We start swimming back. But I come across, I'm fine swimming, but we miss the bank on the way back because you could walk halfway across. You're reversing the current yourself. Yeah, you're fine. The current exists because of you.

The world is opening up. The water looks at you and goes, is that fucking Aquaman? We better do what he says. So I get halfway across. We all miss the bank because the current takes us down the river and we all miss the bank. So we have to swim the whole way instead of walking halfway and across.

Anyway, I get across the other side and I see Goxie and he's sort of starting to struggle a little bit. I turn around and he goes, I hear this, help, like that. Just like that. And then I looked over and I thought it's Goxie just being like, ah, help. That's the wrong level of emotion for that word. Yes. Help.

If you want, help. How do I? And then he went under a little bit. Is that Siri saying help? Pretty much that I thought he was taking the pig so I thought it was

Goxy going like help and then he went under and popped back up and went help like that and then I went

oh shit I grabbed the soccer ball and I threw it like threw it because we were playing soccer on the beach threw it at him for the flotation device

thank you for saying that because any human being would think that, right? Foxy's doing this, just flailing about in the water. The ball literally, he hits it out of the way, basically, the ball,

and just keeps going like this. I'm like, fuck! So I ran in. So you go, the ball floats past. I jump in and say, dude, don't try and grab me. It's like we did Surf Life Saving on the coast.

Yeah. Jump on your back. And he's trying to, and I grabbed him and sort of just side swam in, dragged him up onto the thing. And then I go, dude, why didn't you grab the fucking ball? And he goes, man, I was like, Nighty, why are you throwing me the ball? I don't want to fucking play soccer. I'm drowning.

Right. Right. Right. right, right. Dude, it was for flotation. It was so he could not drown. It was just like, oh, fuck, I thought you wanted to... And then, yeah. So basically, if you've liked any Goxie content in the last, like, what, five or six years, it only exists because of Ben Knight

saving him from drowning in water. I just get this message in the middle of the night. He goes, love, Nighty. Saved my life. The best part was... Well, we're lucky you got to explain to him, because otherwise it would have been like, shitty soccer player. Like, time and place, Nighty, you know?

I mean, he gets the ball and he chucks it, so maybe he is a good goalkeeper. Yeah. Oh, man. It was so good. Yeah, like, it was real scary, but like but just watching him watch the ball just float past, not even think. I know he'd probably drown, but whatever. But the best part was he went to Rebel Sport the next day

and he got a two-kilo dumbbell and he was just doing exercises because he wanted to get fitter because he never wanted to. Never wanted to drown, potentially drown. And he got right into gym. So he could get strong so he could punch that ball away next time you threw one at him in the water. It could have been like, is it The Crow? Where the person died midway through filming.

Oh, yeah. Where they just have to CGI goxing into the rest of the film. A body double. Just an ad going on Telegraph polls in Wagga Wagga. Wanted some fat idiot we can CGI a face onto for the rest of a movie. And it's like an Australian film, so the budget is basically not there.

It just looks like absolute... It looks like something that someone's made in Microsoft 3D Movie Maker in 1995. All shot from behind. He's just like Dickie Nee. Yes. It's like... Have you ever watched Game of Death,

the last Bruce Lee film? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where they just compile all these bits and pieces. Most of it is just for some reason Bruce Lee's in a cab at midnight with no lights on. So it's just like some, literally just some Asian dude sitting in the back of a cab and you can't really see him properly. And it's like, yeah, there's not too many moves you can do in a cab in the dark. But anyway, whatever. But there's literally one scene where he's in a makeup chair or something and he's looking

into a mirror. And so they shoot it from the back of him. So you see the back of Bruce Lee's head, but you also see the mirror. So you see him looking into the mirror. But what they've literally done is cut out a picture of Bruce Lee and stuck it on the mirror. Yes. So you see Bruce Lee's face on a mirror.

It's insane. That's not good. Yeah, because what year is that? That's like them using the most technological processes that they can. Yeah, that's Skywalker Ranch in 79 or whatever it is. And that still probably would look better than what the goxy CGI CGI effort would have turned out as in, like, what, 2016? Yes. Or when was that film?

Yeah, anyway. Good luck finding a large man with a mullet and wogger. We're plum out of ideas. We're just going to have to render it. We're going to have to put a new model in. We're going to have to tape together a lot of skinny men in wogger with mullets. All right, well, we've got to close up the Goxie Corner, but that is, God, that is just a fucking banger of a story.

It was so good. Just to finish it, you said you saw Goxie naked, did you? Yeah. God. Yeah, he came out of the water, no undies. Oh, okay. It was stuck to the, yeah, you know, no water, sticking to bits and pieces. Right, right. Absolute hammer. Yeah. Oh, really. It was stuck to the, yeah, you know, no water sticking to bits and pieces.

Right, right. Absolute hammer. Oh, really? Absolutely. I was like, man, all right, that's what's up. Yeah, that's why you're fucking drowning, bro. Okay. Right.

That was an anchor. It did, yeah. Probably. I was scared. I was like, man, all right. Okay. Look, I've got a tiny story. I've got a tiny one. Oh did, yeah. Probably. I was scared. I was like, man. Okay. Look, I've got a tiny story about Gok. Oh, God.

This is a tiny one. This is it. This is really it. We're about to hit half an hour. Halfway through the episode. He was on our show once, and he was nowhere near as good as this. So, Gok, because I just recently went to Launceston, and this reminded me of this, the last time I was in Launceston, Goxie was with me, because I was kind of supporting him, he was headlining, and he was on Cameo, but I didn't know it.

So, halfway through conversations, he'd just put his phone up and just go, yeah, mate, have a good 21st. Love, Goxy. It was just this happened all the time. I was like, man, you can wait until we're apart. He's like, no, I better do them straight away. It's like, you should get on it, man. You make so much money. Anyway, we did this gig in Launceston, and he gets a message,

and he goes, hey, man, I know the manager of Peking Duck. They're in town at the moment. They're the band. Not the local Chinese. Yeah, I was going to say this. Well, that would be way more likely. I was like, Roxy, I know you're a fan. They've got Peking Duck everywhere.

Bro, I know the manager of Massimum Curry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know someone who knows someone who knows beef and black bean rice. I know the producer of Pad Thai, bro. How they call the restaurant? Peking Duck? That's brash. I'm sure they've got more stuff on the menu.

And I was like, yeah. He's like, should I get back? I was like, of course. What else are we going to do in Launceston, you know? So we go there to the – we go backstage. It's just like all this food, drinks. It's full rock. I'd never been to a rock.

Man, comedians have got it so bad. Yeah. These guys had everything. Platted backstage, whether they want it or not. This is the thing. Whenever we've done shows in rock venues, we forget that we're given nothing. And they go, oh, what did you want? This platter of food and these slabs and whatever.

It's like, fucking hell, yeah. No one tell them that this is not what we usually get. They bring in all these pizzas and all this food. And then they bring in two Coles hot chickens. And Goxie's like, fuck yeah. And he's eating a Coles hot chickens, and Goxie's like, fuck yeah. And he's eating a Coles hot chicken. Great. Anyway, the guys walk in.

Still in the bag? Still the bachelor's handbag? Just carrying it in like that? Yeah, man. Yeah, yeah. Popped one of them from the supermarket the other night. Fuck, it feels good. It just feels good.

The oil, everything is amazing. Yeah, that sloppy bag. You get the green one, the free range one, when you're balling? They don't have the old paper bag with the silver lining anymore. Oh, yeah, that was a good one. But I like seeing the juices rattling around in that plastic bag. So, yeah, we get there, and then all the support acts and stuff, and the peaking duck guys come.

We shake hands with them. They go off because there's a chicken back there. Oh, yeah. They go straight to there's a chicken back there. Oh, yeah. They go straight to the chicken. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A bit of competition. Anyway, then the crew starts laughing like heaps, like just laughing at Goxie and I and the Peking duck guys.

And we're like, what's going on? And they start just like full on laughing and pointing at us. And then they realize that Goxie looks like the shit version of one of the guys and I look like a shit version of the other guy

right yes of the band members yes he had long hair and a moustache you're absolutely right look him up

you're absolutely right you two are like Aldi Peaking Duck yeah we were fucking Aldi Peaking Duck maybe we can put this on the socials we can do a side by side

yeah and they called LD Peaking Duck. Maybe we can put this on the socials. We can do a side-by-side. Yeah, and they called us Peaking Fuck. Like it's Peaking Duck and Peaking Fuck. Oh, that's so good. Oh, that's really good. And then, yeah, we went to this bar afterwards. Never got so much attention in my whole fucking life. Like, you know, just people coming up to me. People randomly talking to me. Put your pants up.

People were randomly talking to me. Girls randomly getting photos with me and stuff like that. And I was like, oh, cool. You know, they must have seen the show. It's the two guys from the highway. Yeah. Anyway, yeah, it was fucking wild. People were coming up to you because they thought you were from Peaking Duck.

Yeah, yeah. Because the guys were with us for a bit. Then they left. Right. So it's just this crew of a bit, then they left. Right. So it's just this crew of girls talking to Goxie. Perfect timing because they're drunk. They can't see properly. You look like them close enough.

Yeah. Yeah, right. The stage lights take off 20 kilos. I was at the gig like, yeah, up close. Of course you look bigger. Who's that band that only asks for brown M&Ms? And the writer? Was that a Led Zeppelin band?

That was a Led Zeppelin band. Do you think Goxie's thing was two chickens? Two large chickens? That's like Goxie's rider. On his rider, yeah. Milk and chook. Just so they knew that... Goxie's things was just M&Ms.

And Smarties. And Smarties. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The brown ones. But surrounded by all the other colours too I really care yeah

because that was more of a thing of like you know people talk about oh that was so fancy like they wanted the brown M&M's that was actually a thing where they would hide

that in the rider so that they got sick of like people just ignoring the rider or whatever and just giving them whatever it's like that was a thing

where it's like alright if they don't have brown M&M's they haven't read the rider properly it was a test for like the like, well, if they don't have brown M&Ms, they haven't read the rider properly. It was a test for like the whole, the overall management of the venue, right?

If you're not that detail oriented, then there's going to be issues with the lights or the amps. I would say, if Goxy had two roast chooks on the rider, he would notice that. Like it wasn't, it's not a fake thing. Yeah,

yeah, yeah. But if they're not there, it's like, wow, they're really not paying attention. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. Cause that's the only, it's the only thing I've asked for. I've actually asked for two roast chooks ten times. It's so easy to get. The supermarket's around the corner. If he doesn't see the two roast chickens there, he knows the production's going to be fucked.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My lighting, it's going to be so fucked. People aren't going to be able to see the slippers. The whole show will be a fucking white off so yeah back to back to the training oh yeah what a detour

Chando doing sprints yes we did sprints and Nitey didn't go down and touch the ground properly Kappa did Kappa then included

me in that I was fucking I invented touching the fucking ground what are you talking about yous are both full of

shit. No one touched the ground. I did nothing but touch the lines. I will say you absolutely didn't. You absolutely didn't.

Yeah, you didn't do it once. This is awesome. How am I getting fucking roasted by YouTube? This is like the meme of Spider-Man pointing

at Spider-Man. This is great. I'm going to roast you like fucking Goxie's rider. Yeah, you absolutely did not touch the fucking line. I know I didn't touch the line. This is great I'm going to roast you Like fucking Goxie's rider Yeah you You absolutely did not Touch the fucking line

I know I didn't touch the line But There we go Thank you To be fair To be fair to Nitey It's a long way down there That he's got his hands

Hold on You can play this back Not once did I say I touched the line But neither did you guys I touched it Every single time Every single line

I touched the line And I'll back Capa up Capa did do it I remember Because I single time Every single line I touched the line And I'll back Kappa up Kappa did do it I remember Because I thought How the fuck is Kappa doing Even Kappa's doing it I couldn't believe

You were doing it Why do you have to Touch the line You've just got to Turn around Yeah but it's Yeah if you want to Do it half ass

I thought you'd know This is an athlete I didn't realise I was fucking Hanging out with The fucking Melbourne athletes Yeah yeah I love it that we're saying

This is how you keep fit, 90. Talking to a great guy over here. Here's how you keep in shape. You do have to watch him, though. Touch the line. At the gym sometimes he does a few, and then he's like, oh, that's 10. I'm like, nah, mate.

And I feel so bad, because I don't have a good rig at all. How the fuck do you look like this when you're making all these shortcuts, you fucking idiot? Mate, I don't know. I just fucking – This is a promotion for taking shortcuts.

If you look like this – Mate, I don't know what to tell you. Kappa does know how to get under my skin, though. Like at gym the other day, he said, like, that was only six, wasn't it? That was only six. I'm like, fucking hell, Kappa. He's always watching. No, no.

What did you say? You said, oh, maybe next set you better drop down some weight. Oh, no. Notorious rig pig Nick Capper. He does let his pride get the best of him sometimes. Absolutely. Then he lacks in form. I'm like, man, you've got to.

You know, sure, you can drop this down if you like, but I knew he could do this one. Nothing worse than the gym when you're really feeling good, like you're going for it, you're lifting a bit more than you have, and you're like, fuck, I'm killing this. And then one of the trainers will come across and go, you are doing this 100% wrong. Here's how you should do it and being like,

I need to drop down at least 10 kilos here. I am a little baby who cannot do this unless I'm doing it wrong. Just then, because Nighty and I know the blo baby who cannot do this unless I'm doing it wrong. Just then, because Nighty and I know the bloke who owns our gym and he's the nicest guy, right? He loves it that Nighty and I are on the TV at the moment, for ads of course.

Nothing good. Crime stoppers, yeah. You're all over the TV. Yeah, in ads. On the new super spreading. That's better though because you're on TV. If you had your own Yeah, yeah, yeah. On the new super spreading. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's better, though, because you're on TV. If you had your own show, that'd be on, what, once a week?

But an ad? You're on every night of the week. Yeah, yeah. For hours. My parents called up, like, in a flurry the other night. They were like, we were so excited. We saw Ben on the TV, and then straight away your ad came on after. Oh, my God. Back to back.

Most people are like that. My folks did the same thing, so I was so fucking good. Let's go with the idea that your parents get to go, come over, we're going to watch our boys on TV. Like, what show? I don't know. Just be on most of it, probably. Will they have you paying attention in between?

Leno and Conan over here. Fuck, I missed the boys. I went to the toilet again. He was on Conan. Yeah, that little advert at the start. Yeah, you're the main feature and then Kappa's ad comes on after. The late version. But yeah, the guy in the gym goes, oh, hey, mate.

Your ad's been popping up all the time lately. Oh, so good. But your girlfriend in the ad, fuck, you're punching way above your weight there, mate. Like, great motivation. Bro, you just went through a divorce. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's your shit $10 gym.

I'd be fucking – I would have been punching way under my weight at the moment, you know. Anyway, shout out to Jim Twitt. No, he's a good bloke. Okay, so none of you, as far as I'm concerned, from the evidence I've heard, no one's touched the line. I'm sorry I'm going to have to rule here. None of you touched the line. No, I touch the line every time.

None of you touched the line. Hold on. This is coming from someone that doesn't know what the beep test is. Chando doesn't even know what the beep test is. He did not know what the beep test is. Because I haven't even know what the beep test is. He did not know what the beep test is. Because I haven't done it. I spend all my time concentrating on touching the line. I don't have time to fucking...

Slow down. I can't hear the beep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got white line fever. I don't know what the fuck anything else is. I've got to say, when I drove here, I drove past where you guys did those sprints, and those lines looked pristine. They looked like they'd never been never been touched

before well sucked in sucked in because there was no lines there was no lines there was clothes

and there was balls that were representing the lines there was no fucking lines yeah take that Tommy burn your bad bro

they represented the goals I've been down to touch the line and I've been fucked in the ass by the sound of it you've been over Kappa style and you've been absolutely tailed the line And I've been fucked in the ass By the size of it You've been over Kappa style

And you've been Absolutely tailed up Anyway Carl was looking good We did the lines We kicked the ball around Two of us did the lines None of you did the lines

None of you did the lines Tommy Can we go down there right now And film us Oh no Carl you can't Yeah Well spoilers Spoilers

Spoilers Carl kicks a few through He's looking good He was looking good Looking great Sharp Carl, you can't. Yeah. Well, spoilers. Spoilers. Spoilers. Carl kicks a few through. He's looking good. He was looking good. Looking great. Sharp. Look out, Dalesford. Three days out from the big return.

You guys are thinking, this guy's in form. We've done the shuttle runs, most of us properly, and then we've kicked the ball around. It's looking all right. You've got all this energy because you haven't been touching the ground. No, no, that's not true. Let's kick the ball around. I was hurting.

I was hurting. that's not true. Let's kick the ball around. I was hurting. That's not true. In legs and arms. It was all hurting for me. My fingers were worn to the heart. Bones sticking out. It's almost too much touching line. For a moment, I wish...

Dirt up to the knuckle. Dirt up to the knuckle. For a moment, I wish I was Ben Knight. I wish I had my fingertips back. Bite your nails, do you? Nah, just got a lot of shuttle runs at the moment. Dirty hands. Dirty hands.

Yeah, he was looking good. He kicked a few through. He was looking in form. 90 was on the goals. And then you boys both went, right, that's it. We've actually got to leave now. We've got to go. I was like, that's a shame.

I had a couple more hours worth in me. got to leave now. We've got to go. I was like, that's a shame. I had a couple more hours within me, but anyway, whatever. More than happy to leave. You guys go, we've got to go and I literally go.

It's 11am, time for my three pizzas for breakfast. Yes, that was pretty good. So then I went, okay, last one.

Put down the foot as the launching foot, took off from that, went, okay, last one. Put down the foot as the launching foot. Took off from that. Went, nah, that was it. Last kick of the day. Felt my calf. My calf went snap. And that was it.

I'm out. I'm out for weeks. Soft tissue injury. I put on the socials after that. Calf, slightly torn calf. Everyone's response is exactly the same. You know what that is? That's old man's injury.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I fucking know. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah, calves are old man. I did it once playing touch footy. I was like, fuck this. Yeah.

Oh, man. Yeah. Getting old. So it's a multiple week injury straight away. Felt it. It's a shame it wasn't more warmed up from bending down to touch the wall. Oh, no. Well, that's the hamstrings warmed up from that.

Yeah, I nearly did a carve as well because I was touching the wall. I'll tell you what. Nearly did both of them. He's pointing at us to really ram home his point there, but like his fingertips look fine. No, well, it's been a week. It's been a week. I nearly did a forearm stretching out there.

No, plenty of touching the lines. I'll be back touching the lines as well. So you've been icing it. I've been icing it. You've been, yeah,

how's it feeling now? So we're nearly, we're what, close to a week, five days on from this injury. Yes, yeah, yeah,

yeah. It's, look, it's not a one week injury. It's a couple of weeks. So it's, it's okay. Look, injury it's a couple of weeks so it's it's okay look you know what you were limping when i saw you like the day after yes you hobbled into my house yes did you put a compression bandage on it no i don't know what that is so no so why

are you giving me shit for touching lines bro i told you because they're two different things compression elevation i did i iced it and i i elevated it didn't know. You did tell me the compression thing. I was like, I'll look that up later. The worst thing is I really enjoyed that because you came with us, Carl. Yes. Nighty and I, our next door neighbour. Brett came with us as well. We've been – it sounds like the creepiest thing.

We call it the Tuesday night poo joggers. Yes. And we've been running at night near the river near my house on these trails with lights on our heads like like like lost miners yeah uh just running and he takes us through this and he's so your name your name is quite he's obviously a very good long distance runner he's like very good yeah a thin guy like the sort of makeup of his body is like the long distance runner isn't he's still got so much in the tank. Yeah, it's insane. He takes you guys out and it's sort of like, you know, it's, you know.

It's cute. Yeah, it's cute. It's like me coming to do sprints with you guys. It's like me and Cab are taking you for a line touching convention. Yeah, it's cute. He's so fit, Pat. Once you're doing a marathon, you get to the end, you just exhaust it. It's taken like, you know, half's cute. He's so fit, Pat. Imagine doing a marathon, you get to the end, you're just exhausted. It's taken like half your day.

You're just drained, furthest distance you've ever run. Cross the finish line, they're like, you didn't touch the line. Got all the way down to Port Melbourne, you didn't touch the line. Well, if a marathon was going halfway there, touching the line and going back, then yes, it wouldn't have counted. It wouldn't have counted. Absolutely. I can't tell you

how comforting it is because Nighty and I hate going on these runs they're fucking awful these runs are insane by the way they are

I went on a couple and went I'm not doing this anymore because they're stupid yeah if you've ever been along Abbotsford River like the

walkway is so tiny it's a sheer drop it's in the dark so it's in the bush the the the laneway's in the bush the the laneway the fucking the path

is like honestly like a foot a foot and a half wide it's in the dark you're running around with these miners lamps on your head and it's raining

it's wet they're on fucking cliff faces and I'm most of all we're running with Capra I'm like you're gonna die

like I reckon I'm worried about myself you're fucking unco you're gonna come off the fucking cliff ledge and die I'm steady as a mountain goat yeah that would be awesome

you die and then the 7-11 ad airs and it's just got like a little in memoriam the screen goes you know when like an episode of like a sitcom where like

someone who worked on the show was like died in production yeah it's like cuts to grey and then it's just like oh yeah and then and You know when there's an episode of a sitcom where someone who worked on the show died in production? Yeah. It's like, cuts to grey, and then it's just like, veil. Yeah, and then the picture fades, and then you just hear the ding, because clearly he's left the building. And it just goes, long wife, short life. Yeah, yes. So he's taking you guys every Tuesday night.

I've come a couple of times On the late night poo jog Late night poo joggers Was that named after me? No no no Because we gave him shit Because he goes out at night And we did a comedy night

At our local cafe And we kind of put a few pictures of Pat in there And we're saying Oh he always goes for runs Yeah loves jogging. Loves jogging at night. Never know where he goes. And then night he said this good joke where he's like, yeah,

they never caught the Abbotsford poo jogger. Right. And then he started up this group. Yeah, yeah. Then the Abbotsford poo joggers started. And now you sound like you hate it. You don't want to do it. But you're also, you can't get out of it because he's your neighbour

and he's coming knocking on your door. And he's the nicest dude. We do enjoy it, but it's brutal. Yeah, afterwards you're like, yes, that was the best. But when you're doing it, it sucks so much.

There's nothing more comforting than seeing an athlete like Nighty where I'm just jogging and I'm usually behind him and I'm like, fucking hell, I'm feeling it right now, but I'm not going to stop.

And then just see Nighty pull up, like just start walking. I'm like fucking hell I'm feeling it right now but I'm not gonna stop and then just see nighty pull up like just start walking I'm like yes yes nothing more comforting I hate cardio we get back we hate it we hate we're just like fuck I hated that yeah like we feel good you know you know why he loves running through the bush no lines lines. Just scrub. Just scrub. He doesn't have to touch the ground anywhere. But it was so funny because he took us through this more technical one last week. And you've got to run basically down this 45-degree hill. More technical than in the dark on a thin track at night raining with a lamp on your head.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it did. He took Brett and I on this one as well. And we both, it's got these slippery rocks. So last time I kind of took my time down it and then fell over once and then just kind of slid down on my bum. And like this time I'm like, I'm not going to slide down on my bum. I'm going to show Nighty how it's done. Get right to the hill, slip over first thing, right on my ass,

like a full cartoon style, legs out on my butt. Then I go, I'll run down the next one. Same thing happens again. And then I go, I'm not going to do it this time. It's a rock. It's steady. The flattest, biggest rock ever slip over right on my arse. And my arse was just black

with the bruise. So, between that and your motorbike stack recently, you're Johnny Knox filling it up out there. Oh yeah, my arse is like yeah, it doesn't look good. Johnny Bombsville. So yeah, you've had to delay the

return. Yeah, unfortunately've had to delay the return. Yeah, unfortunately I had to hit up the team and say I've sustained an injury. Go out there and win it for me, boys. And they went out and they played a two-all draw against the second top team. Almost as if they were missing someone coming on as a late sub and absolutely bending out, touching the line and smacking one in. Sculling his big M. Sculling on the middle. someone coming on as a late sub and absolutely bending out, touching the line and smacking one in. Sculling his big M. Sculling on the middle.

Doing a shooey out of a moccasin. They need a really angry man to yell at everybody. Exactly. Exactly. I would love to see you just rock up first game and just screaming at everybody. You don't even know their names. But that's the thing. I was genuinely worried in the lead up to it

because I know what I'm like. And I'm like, fuck, am I going to be yelling at people and I don't even know? Like, I'm going, fucking move, whoever the fuck you are. So do you have a date set in for the retreat? You're pushing it back or is this the end of the dream? I can't rush an expensive bit of hardware like my calf muscle. You know, Ronaldo's got his legs insured for like $4 million each.

Right. What's the Chando insured for like 4 million each right what's the Chando pins 4 million Bart okay so we're waiting on this we're waiting for the healing to start and then we'll look at

yeah we're not I'm not back jogging yet you know I went for a big walk and I felt like it was a little bit of a setback because I went for a big walk

like a day and a half later. So I've just got to see how it feels. Yep. See how I go. But yeah, no comeback penciled in yet. Right. But I can tell these people who have never met me before are missing me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I've got to get there as soon as I can. We'll send you well wishes, everyone. Are you going to go commentate the first game? That was the plan. The plan was we were going to go up with a couple of people, some guests well wishes, everyone. Are you going to go commentate the first game? That was the plan. The plan was we were going to go up with a couple of people, some guests. Oh, man. Do it up on the road. I'll come watch.

Yeah. And then go to the pub afterwards where you guys sit down and say to me, what did you feel when you hit the winner? Yeah. Did you get nervous? Yeah. Why did you do that white power celebration ceremony when you did it? Well, keep this sick little boy in your thoughts, everyone.

Yeah, send your thoughts and prayers. That's it. The calf of God. How do you do the calf of God? The hand job of God. My make-a-wish will be to hit the winner. Yes, yes. My make-a-wish will be to hit the winner.

Yes. Well, in the meantime, so 90, yeah, we've set up your appearance and your physical attributes. Now, this is something that I haven't talked to you about this, but I'm fascinated by this. Yeah. So I recently got invited to a wedding. Yeah. And as I understand it, you are not only also attending this wedding.

Yeah. But you are going to be the flower girl. Ah, yes, I am. Is this correct? That is 100% correct. Yeah, Ree Downs Wedding. Yep. Right.

Yeah. So I'm the flower girl. She wanted me in the party somehow. Absolutely. Yeah. What kind of state did this invitation take place in again absolutely off our tits so again you are six six you weigh what 100 and what man it just keeps going up i don't know i feel like people are going to check my instagram after this and

just go what the just google it sort of looks like this guy's He's like 50 foot tall. He's huge. What do you weigh? What do you weigh? Like 105, 10 maybe. I don't know. You've got a big, tall beard as well. So when you think of flower girl. An ideal flower girl. Yeah, yeah. I can't wait.

I think I'm just going to get like a pink tux or something. Something dope. Yeah. Nice. Something nice. No shirt underneath, just the jacket. Oh, I could do that. Pretty tasteful. Just a vest. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice. Something nice. No shirt underneath, just the jacket. Oh, I could do that. Pretty tasteful.

Just a vest, yeah. Turn up looking like a Chippendale would be really good. Yeah, magic open mic. Yes, mate. Yes. Really, really good. Really good. Hell yeah.

Flower girl. Man, I didn't know about this. This is great. Yeah, I kept that one quiet, mate. I didn't want to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now yeah. Flower Girl. Man, I didn't know about this. This is great. Yeah, I kept that one quiet, mate. I didn't want to... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now I'm broadcasting it. Man, as soon as you walk into the house,

you're just going to clean this. Shut up, Flower Girl. There's some daisies outside if you want to pick them. I heard this third-handed. I didn't know if it had just become like conjecture. So I messaged Drew yesterday to go, hey, can I ask you a question about your wedding? Yeah.

Is it true that Ben Knight is going to be a flower girl? The flower girl, yeah. I'm going to bring down the... Beautiful stuff, mate. Yeah, yeah. I'm looking forward to it. So you walk down the aisle, you have the little basket with the petals and you're just kind of chucking them everywhere.

I'm real nervous though because I don't know, I don't want to steal the show, but I want it to be funny. You need to do some open mic weddings to just kind of warm up for it. Also, you wouldn't want to steal the show just being a huge cunt being a flower girl. Be subtle about it. Blend into the background. Just the groom and the bride going, don't steal focus, but if you could just

be a huge man being a flower girl. Just queues. I'm never gonna dance again. Just mighty walking in with it. I can't wait. I might just stay for that and then leave before the vows.

That's the only bit I'm interested in. I'm kind of nervous about it. Yeah, I don't know what to do. It's just going to be like walk down. Pedals everywhere. Right? Man, I reckon you should just cupcake everybody. Just preload on the farts. Hell yeah.

It could be like you don't know your own strength and you somehow injure people with the flower petals. You're throwing them with such force that you like slice people's head. Maybe I could do something like a... What are those, shirt cannons? Oh, yeah. Yeah. But you'll wear a tux.

You won't wear a dress or anything like that. No. I will. I don't know. It's her special day. Whatever she wants me to wear. I think you should wear a dress. I think that'd be pretty cool.

You reckon? Man. That would be... That is literally the only thing people would talk about about that wedding. That would guarantee that the bride and groom don't get spoken of at all. Well, that's what's the... Yeah. I don't want to steal the thunder.

I mean, to be completely honest, yeah, got invited. It's in another city. It's at the moment it's like stressful to like book in into state travel because you don't know what's going to happen yeah my girlfriend's invited as well and we were like oh you know it's it's like it's a lot to kind of think about is it do we want to book and take the risk and then yeah she heard she passed on the uh the flower girl thing and all of a sudden i was like it's worth taking the risk. It's worth potentially being trapped in a Queensland lockdown. She's going to come tux shopping with me when I get a pink one.

Oh, yeah. Oh, man, that would look so good. Yeah. Like a pink, some sort of pink, like the Dumb and Dumber. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Carl, do you have any tailor contacts in Thailand that you could hit up to quickly get a suit made and shipped over? Absolutely. I might be wrong, but when you have a tuxedo, the difference between that and a normal suit is they have lines on it, which you're not a fan of.

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, you put a line at the end of the aisle, bloody hell, and I won't be walking up there, I tell you that. Gets the shakes. No, man, I reckon you go whole hog. I reckon you should get those fireworks they have in the State of Origin, you know, when they run on the field. Oh, yeah, yeah. Play simply the best when you walk in there.

Oh, I work stuff. Yeah, that's good. You've just got to commit. It's like you're saying you don't want to steal focus. It's impossible. Even if you did the most low-key job you could, you still would be stealing focus. So why not go all out?

Exactly. Fireworks, flower cannon. All right, all right. I honestly haven't given it much thought. Like, me and Ria were, like, pretty drunk. She's like, you want to be the flower girl? Yeah, okay. That's it.

I think I've just put it at the back of my mind. I love this. Have simply the best as your theme. Because that then says you are better than the two people that are up the other end of the aisle. You're better than all the rest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Amazing.

Make it your show. Just throwing flowers the whole time. You're like those gigs where it's like the headliner comes on and then they do the open mic late at night after the headliner. It's like, you're headlining. It's like, oh, and then there's some vows. Stick around if you want. That's how you get good at weddings.

You get so good that no one can follow you, including the bride and groom yeah you book Tina Turner and Jimmy Barnes to be singing like singing it live oh yeah

yeah you're the best a band that come in just for your walk on music they play two minutes and then they fuck off yeah

don't get into the pedals bullshit just you know get a budget spend a couple of grand on really expensive, like huge long stem roses. Be throwing them into the crowd.

Like you're the fucking man here. All right, all right. Man, you should get a butt plug. Yeah, solid. There we go. That shoots out pink smoke. You know, like a tube that shoots out pink. All right, well, yeah, this is in a few months.

I'm going to be at this wedding. So hopefully I'll be able to document it. I genuinely haven't thought about this. Well, you don't need to now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's been thought of. We're looking forward to it. Man, you could be flower girl at my wedding as well.

If you do a good enough job. When's your wedding? When is your wedding? So you're engaged, Kappa. Yeah, no. You're a dum-dum fan. I think it's, look, not to dis-ree or anything, but I feel it's just a totally ridiculous move to put a wedding on

within the next two to three years. Someone's got cold feet. Oh, yeah, full stop. Look, you can see Cab has been on this show a bunch of times. He got his girlfriend, he got a fiancée. He's going to get a wife out of this podcast. Finally, you might be able to get laid or something. Yeah.

Hey, one could dream. Finally you can open up that drawer, blow the dust out of the drawer. Once those Goxie fans hear that you saved their idol, they'll be lining up around the block to suck you off. Finally use that condom

that you got when you were 15. This should be... This girl shacks up at night and she goes, so how big was Goxie's dick? Can you introduce me to Tommy and Carl? I've got

a quick thing to put a bow on something that I've been talking about for a little bit. So as you guys all know, I moved house recently. I was late today because I was doing the last little bit of having the exit cleaners come into my old place just getting a blue light and just spraying it yeah spraying acid wherever the blue light yeah getting blinded immediately as soon as you turn it on uh so i had to do the i've had a couple of days of having to like go and get like the last little bits of shit that are left in my old place

and uh went to do a load the other day, locked my keys in the car at my current address, just cursing a blue streak into the sky. The most annoying thing you can do, locking your keys in your house or your car. So I'm screaming up at the sky. My neighbour at my new place comes outside and introduces himself to me. I'm like, fuck, I'm such a fucking idiot. Now I'm going to waste the whole day waiting for fucking the RCV

to come and get my fucking keys out of my car. My neighbour comes out, introduces himself. He goes, hi, nice to meet you. I just wanted to say hi. I live next door. My name's Rick. Literally, I'm in the middle of a situation where everything is not Rick. And this guy introduces himself.

So anyway, I was at the apartment just before I came here. And, Nida, you might not know this, but my old apartment was – I live next to Nick Giannopoulos. Oh, great. We've been talking about this on the show for the entire time that I live there, that Nick Giannopoulos lives in the apartment. He's the Wog Boy. Daslo is essentially the Wog Baby compared to him.

It's so weird, man, because one of my friends, he's an actor, he's in Wog Boy 3. They're filming currently, I think. Yeah, and he's just like so many snaps with him and Nick G. Yeah. And the cast and the crew, he's loving it. I did that TV show with Colossimo. Oh, did you?

Oh, yes. The King. What TV show? Yeah, it was called The Warriors on ABC. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a footy one. Vincy, was he still doing construction work during the day or something? Dude, it was some wild shit.

I mean, like, everyone's a little bit tired, and then you go to lunch, he'd come back. I would say he's a much bigger fan of lines than you. He's touched a line alright. His hands are deep in there. You don't have to touch a line with your nose. Man, these

prints are taking you a while. You must be fit. The dark prints, you're looking pretty white. But so yeah, he lived next door to my place In East Melbourne We've talked about him On the show for

About I think I worked out Pretty early into living there That he lived nearby We've talked about him For many many years So I was just at my Old apartment

Waiting for the exit cleaners To turn up To do like the final clean Before I hand the keys over Mad in the street Waiting for them Who should I see Walking into his building

Yes But the wog boy himself. Yes. Great. And this is my last day. Yes. This is like I'm handing the keys back. Yes. This is it. This is the end of the story. This is it. This is if anything's ever going to happen. Yeah. It's going to be now. If ever one of you is going to make a move on the other. Yes, exactly. It's going to happen

now. So I chase him into his foyer. Yes. Great. And I go, I'm trying to explain the whole situation and not sound too mental. What? So you're talking to him at this point? Yeah. Right.

I'm talking to him in the foyer of his building. I thought this day would never happen. Yeah. Well, this is it. Yeah. This is the last possible moment. Yeah. We've got to wrap this up.

So I try and explain the whole situation to him. This has got like Sleepless in Seattle vibes or something. Now I'm not even picturing where you used to live. I'm picturing you at the airport. Yeah. And Nick Giannopoulos is getting on the plane to Mykonos. He got an exemption from the government to get on a flight. Yeah, so, yeah, I explain, like, and it's very right and i'm also like i'm i'm not

even like what am i even asking the podcast is ridiculous at the best of time explaining the podcast and then being like trying to be like we talk about you a lot yeah but also like you're not wanting it to sound like taking the piss or whatever yeah yeah yeah so i think i kind of half get something out where i'm like oh would you, would you want to come on? And he seemed confused and he seemed not really interested in doing the podcast. So then I walk backwards from that and I get him to do a voice memo into my phone to play on the pod. So here we go.

Okay, hang on. Let's get this over. I'm so happy. Hello, that's Nick Giannopoulos here, mate. It is an absolute shame to see we go. Oh, wow. Okay, hang on. Let's get this over with. I'm so happy. Hello, Desmond. Nick Gianopoulos here, mate. It's an absolute shame to see you go, I'm gutted. You brought a lot of sunshine to the community. It's a shame you never invited your Amico Carl Chandler over for a swim.

I'd love to see his nipples. You're one of my favourite fake Italians, let me tell you, or a Count of Hidalgo, as I like to say. I can already see the crime scene cleanup van arriving at your place. Yeah, and they had to do a big cleanup after all the pussy you've murdered. Everything you killed in that

masturbatorium was choking your weird dick, mate. Yeah, choking your weird fucking dick. Good news is I have a role for you in Wogboy 3. I want you to play the weird dick skip. Get out of here, you fucking dick, mate. All the best from the real Wogboy, Nick Giannopoulos. Yeah!

There you go, folks. The title bow on it. The great man. That is... Now, can I ask, how much did that cost you? Because I know someone else from Wogs Out of Work is currently charging like 12 grand for a cameo or something. So if you've got that for nothing, that is some sweet negotiating.

Yeah, did a pretty good job there. Oh, man, that's the best thing I've ever heard. That's amazing. Well, that was just in the foyer. Yeah. Yeah, just as you were stealing mail in the foyer. Yeah. Fucking hell. That's amazing. Last the foyer. Yeah. Fucking hell.

It's amazing. Last chance you had. Man. You're really drinking this in. It's like I can see you looking. Yeah, you're just sitting here not saying anything now. I'm like, when's the other boot dropping? What's happening?

Yeah, something's going on. What is this? What's going on here? It's not real, is it? What's happening? Was that not him? Was that you? That's Xavier Michaelides.

Oh, damn it. Fuck. The whole point of that was I'll start playing it and people will know immediately that it's friend of the show, Greek comedian Xavier Michaelides doing a bit. See, that's the trick. I've always said if you give me something

I want to believe, I'm going to fucking believe it. Wow. I'm so gullible now. And do you know what I thought? I thought, man, he sounds funnier than usual. That's what I was thinking. I really thought that within three seconds everyone would be like, oh, I see what he's done. He's set it up and he's gotten Zave to do a bit.

No. That's so good. I'm like, I can't believe you've got him to remember all these references from the fucking show. I said, he seems pretty keen. He being like, how much did that cost you? I'm like, oh, yeah, you know, just a mate doing me a favour last night. Fuck.

You look so cool. Man, I'm more let down than when Chando didn't touch the line. Again, another fake story. Another fake story. Yeah, I couldn't touch the line, but I could get someone else to invent a line somewhere else. Do a fake version of the line. Man, I got the weirdest uh voice message uh yesterday

oh whoa there's another one hang on is nick ginopolis doing siri now it was a weird uh message on instagram right i get this i get this message in the middle of the night and i'm like i would save it to the next day i played in the morning it's just south african guy right he's like hey nick i love your comedy i was depressed last year and it got me through a really bad time you're a great comedian i love you let me know if you come to south africa and i was like i wrote back oh thanks man that's great and then he wrote me back another message he's like man i can't believe you replied back can i just say these aren't written back he sent voice messages it sounds exactly like right right he's like man i can't believe you wrote back i like how you think the south african accent is man it's a western stall. He's kind of nailing it. He's kind of American.

With his weird American accent, he goes, I have seen so many comedians, Hollywood comedians, stand-up comedians, and none of them are as good as you. And then he just goes like this. Oh. Have you got this on your phone? Have you got it on your phone? Well, the first one, he's kind of, he's like, say, I had depression.

So I don't want to take the piss out of him too much. But the best thing ever was he goes, I'll just get the message up. I then sent him a message back. I was like, mate, because I think he thinks that I'm some big deal in Australia, but I'm not. He's like, holy I think he thinks that I'm some big deal in Australia, but I'm not. He's like, holy shit, this prick's messaging straight back. It's like he's got nothing else on his plate.

He must be fitting me in between meetings with fucking executives or riding his limo. Anyway, he writes back. He goes, I said, oh, man, got plenty of stuff in the pipeline. Can't wait till you see it. You know, nothing in the pipeline besides Nottie and I filming our comedy special. But then he just writes back, Nick, you're a legend. Thank you so much. Love you.

And then writes, no homo. There we go. Fantastic stuff. All right. Well, we've touched the line. We've got to turn around and go back and wrap up this some of us have

episode of Little Dun Dun Club Ben Knight Nick Capper thank you very much for joining us mate thank you for having me

so you've got your yeah you guys are filming a show together a special in the the the home of comedy no home of comedy

the Sunshine Coast on the Sunshine Coast yeah at Soba where it all began for me yes I used to play music there Home of Comedy. No, Home of Comedy, the Sunshine Coast. On the Sunshine Coast. Yes. At Solbar, where it all began for me. Yes. I used to play music there

with my acoustic guitar. Where Hannah Gadsby filmed Annette. Yeah. I made that joke to Noddy the other day and he goes, fuck did he?

Did she? Actually believe me. No, you said some other venue. Ipswich. Ipswich. You fell for Xavier Michael Eadings pretending to be Dick Tianopoulos.

So where do you get off? You know why? Because the lines he said touched me. Yes, that's very true. That's very true. Yeah, it's the 1st or 2nd of August? I can't remember. 1st of August.

1st of August, yeah, yeah. Come see it on the sunny coast. Great. It'll be really, really fun. Yeah. And we're also doing, you were on this one last time. Oh, yeah. This Sunday.

Sunday. What date is that? Sunday the 19th. 19th. We're doing Ollie's Line Up. Great comedy night. We've only got like 15 tickets left. Oh, great.

Yeah, so it's a gig that you guys put on at your local cafe. Yeah. The first one. A lot of fun. You get a feed. And the food is fantastic. It's just near your house. If you go along to this gig and follow Kappa Home and Nighty Home,

you'll know where they live. Yeah. Exactly. Go on a night run with them. Yeah. Yeah. Go on a night run. Yeah.

Yeah. Pretty easy run. You don't have to bend over or anything. Nighty, you're on the socials, BigRedBenNight. That's me, mate. Yeah, Instagram's where I put all my shit. Also, promo you, Kappa. You're doing a live show in Perth.

Oh, yeah. October 10th. Very weirdly enough, just immediately after we're doing our live podcast in Perth. So hope to see you there somehow, Kappa. Yeah, I'll see. We'll see what's happening. We'll give you a discount on tickets if you want. Yeah, okay, cool. Yeah, I'll see. We'll see what's happening. We'll give you a discount on tickets if you want. Yeah, okay, cool.

Yeah, I'll come watch. It'll be good. Weirdly, it's directly, absolutely straight after our live podcast is your show.

So you can go to our show and then immediately go to your show. I'm not going to lie. It could be a rough show for me.

It could be a lot of Dunlop fans drinking for about four hours. It could be a loose one. It could be a real loose one. I'm saying the Perth people will definitely get their money's worth. Dunlop fans drinking for about four hours. Could be a loose one. Could be a real loose one. Straight to tapas.

I'm saying the Perth people will definitely get their money's worth. Definitely. They'll have something to talk about. Well, yeah, check that out. And also your podcasts, The Phone Hacks and Flat Stick. Yes. Come check them out. The Flat Stick, we've really jumped it up a bit.

Brett figured out how to use the soundboard after having it for two years. Yep. And it is great. Great. Yeah. So it's been a lot. Yep. And it is great. Great. Yeah. So it's been a lot of fun and phone hacks. Crazy. All right.

Well, thanks very much for listening, everyone, and we'll see you next time. See you next. See you next. And they've done it again. We've all done it again except for one person who did it for the first time. I thought he did it for the first time. Yeah, that's what I just said. He did a good job. Yeah, he did. It was good. No, I'm agreeing. I'm saying, yeah, that he's done it for the first time. I thought he did it for the first time. Yeah, that's what I just said. He did a good job.

Yeah, he did. It was good. No, I'm agreeing. I'm saying, yeah, that he's done it for the first time. Okay. Okay. Well, I agree that you said that too. Yes, that is literally – in fact, we didn't even –

I really thought we'd get into the fact that Nighty does live with Kappa and we get some living with Kappa, what's it like stories. But we didn't get in that deep we didn't cross that line no I touched it yes no I didn't

they ran straight over it yeah maybe yeah maybe down the line we can have that discussion I mean we got all that recently from we got a lot of those

stories from Alex Ward last year on the podcast I feel like he's probably tidied up his act since then I feel like it's a never ending well I feel like that's a pretty deep well of what since then. I feel like it's a never-ending well.

I feel like that's a pretty deep well of what living with Kappa would be like. Yeah. I think. I believe. But maybe we can ask Kappa about it. If he buys a ticket to the live 500th episode. Yes. Sure. Coming up very soon, Saturday, August the 14th, like the guy at the start of the show said.

Make sure you get your ticket. If you've got your ticket already it is completely valid if you bought it fucking 18 months ago or two years ago whenever it was completely valid

make sure you turn up to it it's going to be a ball we've got some great guests planned and like you said we've got a couple dozen tickets left

yes so let's make sure we would love to get to metaphorically the end of most of the troubles that have been happening over the last 18 months. And we've really been looking forward to this big, big gig, our biggest gig we've ever done. We'd love to see every seat taken. Putting a big line through this show will feel great.

Yes. When it eventually happens. And also, just for the cost of the rental of this fucking venue, we really would like to see every seat sold so we can actually make a little bit of money. We'd like to break even, at the very least. They're pretty cheap tickets, comparatively. You don't see anything in this venue as cheap as this show. Absolutely not.

You will see, we're going to do a big show. We've got heaps of extra guests. It's not just going to be one or two guests. It's going to be... One or two. Yeah. It'd be less than a big show. We've got heaps of extra guests. It's not just going to be like, you know, one or two guests. It's going to be, you know. One or two. Yeah. It'd be less than a normal one. That's what I'm saying.

It's not going to be like that. For anyone thinking that we're saving an extra special lack of effort for our 500th episode, that won't be happening. We're going to just really, it's like you guys are there to celebrate us. So it's going to be just the two of us talking for 90 minutes. It's actually, we've written down every word that was said at the last Sydney live show and we're going to recreate that show. We're going to reboot the live Sydney show.

Yeah. We're going to do a cover of it. We're going to get some people who've got the night off from the Harry Potter play to fill the roles of Craig Reucastle, Kyle Legacy and Cam Knight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, Kyle Legacy, we're going to get someone from the hospital to, it's just happened, just had brain surgery. Yes, yes. So still recovering. Yes. They're going to get someone from the hospital to – it's just happened. It's just had brain surgery. Yes, yes.

To still recovering. Yes. They're going to play him. It's going to be – you know what? Look, that's a little bit of a flight of fancy that I've gone on there. That's not going to actually happen. No. It's going to be even better than that.

Don't want anyone to listen and take that at face value. And get to the show and be disappointed when that doesn't happen, when they don't see someone with half their brain hanging out their head and still talking more coherently than Kyle Legacy. There's a comedian from America who I follow on Instagram who had a show on in New York the other night, his own show that he put on at this venue, and he Instagrammed on the way there as a joke

that he had been offered a ticket to see Deadmau5, and he was like, sorry everyone, the show's cancelled. Right. I'm going to go watch i'm gonna go watch dead mouse and it's like half an hour to go great and he's and then he's like posting like stock images from google right oh god i'm having a good time at the dead mouse show now and then the next day he posted that someone he got an angry message from someone who thought it was real and was like oh i was on the way there and i turned around and it's like how are you a fan? You've paid for the ticket.

You're up for seeing me. And then you've been suckered in by the sort of dumb bullshit that I do on here all the time that made you a fan in the first place. I disagree with that viewpoint. Of course everyone is fucked in the head. Of course people are going to believe anything you say. We could say that with five minutes to go before hours and gone, sorry, guys, we both just killed ourselves.

Yeah, that's true. And people would be like, oh, that's a shame. Right, right. Well, no use coming to the show if they're both dead. And then adding us, are you sure you're dead? And us going, yes. And it's like, well, they wouldn't say it. That doesn't mean that we're in the wrong for having made that joke.

No, no, no. That makes that person idiotic for believing it. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. All I'm saying is not to be surprised when people yeah react stupidly to stupid things oh yeah i mean i i saw him posted and i went i bet this is the follow-up the next day yeah i bet if you were his manager or something running it you'd be like brother take this down please yes um should we oh what about this should we i mean i didn't talk to you directly before this recording about whether we should say this or not,

but should we announce the little thing we have after it or not? No. Okay. All right. I don't know. We can. Oh, we might as well. So the show's at the Athenaeum.

It's at 8.30. It's on August 14th. We're going to have a little after party. It's for a thing, you know, look, if we've got a full theatre of 1,000 people, we finish the show. It's going to be a great show. We already know it's going to have a little after party. It's for a thing, you know, look, if we've got a full theatre of a thousand people, we finish a show. It's going to be a great show. We already know it's going to be a great show.

We've got some great ideas and some great guests. So if you get to, whenever the show finishes, probably like closer to 11 o'clock at night, you're in the city, it's Saturday night, you want to kick on, we're going to have a little thing. Big announcement, folks. We're going to be drinking on a Saturday night after this kick. We're going to have an after party. So we'll put that out.

We'll follow the socials. We will let you know when we're going to post the details of – because it's going to be a much smaller venue, obviously. The after party is not going to be a 1,000-seater. That would be great. It's just the gall of assuming that literally every person that's been at the gig – we get a bigger venue for the after party. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, to be fair, there would be plenty of people that literally every person that's been at the gig, we get a bigger venue for the after party. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, to be fair, there would be plenty of people that are like, nah, roll in at 10 p.m. and just drink. You don't have to watch a show. That suits me a lot better. Listen to your show on Wednesday. We can't listen to us getting drunk at 11 o'clock on Wednesday. Okay, that's a much better idea. Let's have the after party after the episode drops.

You know what would be good? An after party for the recording. Why don't we have the before party instead and just get sideways at about 7 o'clock and then do the show? That'd be good.

Yeah, that'd be good. Yeah, that's not a bad idea. Do a drunk cast before the show. Yeah. Wow. Start in the afternoon. So get on the socials. We will be doing a show

with a very small minimal fee but we'll have a bit of music. We'll have a bit of... Just as'll have a bit of just as an excuse to kick on. Yeah. And to secure numbers. If you want to be some of the chosen few, follow the socials. This week, we'll give you the day and time. It'll be on sale, and you'll have to get in quick to secure your little party spot.

That's it. Yeah. So come and hang at the after party with a joyous Tommy and Carl plus selected guests. And we can kick on or just celebrate the... Selected guests. Yeah. Some of them were like, thanks for doing the show. You are not invited to the after party.

You were not good enough on the episode. I think that's perfect. That's just treating the actual show in front of a thousand people as like the reserves. But if you do a good job in front of a thousand people you get elevated to the first team which is the drinking team that you do in front of a hundred people that's pretty good yeah yeah i think that's good we can we could do that on the show just let everyone know if you do a good job you get to go to the after party we've got four spots to give out to the after party what if we what if we hold two simultaneous after parties one for the people, one for the bad people.

Just so they know. And do they know which one they're in? Well, we'll tell them. They earn their spots at the show. I like the idea that we just say, we don't say you're in the good or the bad one. We say, here's the address that you're going to. And then people get there and they have to figure out.

They have to look around and see who they're with and go, now am I the good one or am I the bad one? What about this? We do two after parties. The good after party and the bad after party. We're at the good one, right? Say the good one's... Well, we might bomb our own show.

No, no, no. Look, I'm putting my foot down and doing a rule. We're the bosses. We've done it again. Yeah. I can say that in advance. So the good after party says 10 bucks

to get into the after party. Good after party. Yeah. Depending on how well everyone goes on the show on the 500th episode, we then, we give them the nod.

We give them the old come over to the couch Johnny Carson style. Except they're already basically on the couch. So we just get them to come and sit on our lap or something instead. I don't mind that. We're at at the gig we're on stools and then we've just got

a couch off to the side of the stage yes right if you have a good singer it's like off you go yeah go away from me but that's a good thing have a little sit on that for a minute you've earned the right to take five minutes out of the pod either that or we start the pod by having all the guests quite a way away from us but we're on one side of the stage. They're on the other side. And once they're having a good gig, we go, why don't you come over here? And they get to come and sit with us. Yeah, every round of applause that a zinger gets, you get to move a couple of meters close to us.

Right. Okay. And then eventually they go so well that they go past us on the stage and out the door and off to the good after party. That's it. Right. Right. Yeah. So good after party, nominal for $10 a day.

If you go to the good after party. We're going to be there. The good guests are going to be there. We put on sale at the same time, same time, 11 o'clock at night, whatever, the bad after party. That's $5 to get in because we don't want to rip anyone off. Sure. So then we find out who the guests are going to be at the bad after party right on the

night yep of course we have to have a host there so then we'll have to figure out who's the equivalent of me and you that can host the bad after party that's definitely not going to be at the good after party yeah but then are we and they're just running that too because we can't be leaving the good after party to run the bad after party no no it's the whole point yes exactly and the bad after party is the bad after party because basically people are turning up going, why are we even here? Tommy and Carl, like it's, you know, there's an after party to celebrate the 500th episode and how good the gig went.

Now we're just being hosted by two people that weren't even part of the show. Well, it's a bit like when you, you know, you fly a budget airline and you, and you, when you're booking your flights, you look at, you know, you look at what all flights cost and it's like, oh, this one's a hundred bucks bucks cheaper it leaves at 7 a.m yeah that's fine right i want to save the 100 bucks right and then it comes down to it and you're there you're getting up at 5 a.m earlier to get out to the airport you realize you're like wrecked your whole first day of this trip by the time you get in you'll be such a cot case and you're just going why didn't i just pay the that extra hundred dollars seems like a pittance now yes to get all this that's it's it's that it's like literally looking at these after party

tickets and going yeah it's half the price yes that's a fucking steal yeah for five bucks you're there hanging out with just a room of shit cunts going yeah five bucks is nothing yeah to be in the good after party five bucks i could have you know i've saved that five bucks is nothing to be in the good after party. Five bucks, I could have, you know, I've saved that five bucks. Sure, I bought myself a crunchy ice cream at the 7-Eleven, but at what cost, really? Exactly. Yeah. I mean, that was yummy for a second, but, you know, being at the good after party is forever.

Yeah, exactly. Spending $5 on a bag of shit is, it's still a rip-off. Yeah. It's $5 too much. Yeah. Yeah. shit yeah is it's still a rip-off yeah it's five dollars too much yeah yeah and now i'm now i'm now i'm stuck at the bad after party hosted by um who would it be hosted by who could we get to host a bad after party it's a hell of it it's a hell of an offer that you have to make to someone that's a great phone call yeah do you want to do this gig yeah just don't say the name of it until

they rock up yeah and this is we just get a big't say the name of it until they rock up. Yeah. And this is the... We just get a big poster printed, the bad after party. Yeah. And we have to have it in a different venue to the good after party. That's it. So then we're having to actually explain it to a venue. Your shit. Yeah.

That's why we have to have this here. This, yes, this is obviously not our first choice. We don't... We wouldn't want to party here. We won't be partying here. But we were thinking as a punishment we could get people to come here yeah yeah in your venue we're saying it's the bad after party yeah imagine being at this venue right now well anyway keep an eye on the socials for all that kind of for that announcement of the after party i've just

realized i've got to find myself a second venue so okay all right well we'll figure that one out yeah but tickets will go what do what if tickets to the bad after party sold quicker that'd be they probably will because they're cheaper yeah and we've talked about it now there'll be enough people wanting to be like now i'm curious if i was listening to this i'd be like i want to know who the hosts of the bad after party are yeah yeah i'll be yeah i'll be wanting to you know poke my nose in and see how it's going what if what if we're doing yeah we're doing, yeah, we're doing the live show, we're doing the 500th episode, and some of our guests just tank the gig

because they want to host the Bad After Party. Word gets around. Yeah. Word gets around that there's going to be some like... There's a job going. Pretty cool. There's already like a few cool people are going. Right, right.

Who didn't do well, but they're like a fun hang. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like, well, you know, I'd rather have a beer with them than Tommy and Carl. Some particularly good audience members sort of put their hand up during the show. Yeah. And their big laugh is some people go, fuck, I'm glad they're here. And then they just go, yeah, we're going to the bad after party. That's it.

Oh, fuck, I want to be there. Exactly. Why don't I want to go to the good after party with these people that are just crossing their arms and politely smiling and everything? Mm-hmm. Fuck. Yeah. I think I've fucking torpedoed both these gigs already.

It wasn't the best idea to begin with, if it makes you feel any better. It's a very bad after-party idea, ironically enough. Right. Well, anyway, now it's set in stone, so it has to happen. All right. Well, let's get into the reading out of names

that happens every week on this show. If you want to support the show, you can head to littledumbdumbclub.com and get on our Patreon. You can also go direct, you can head to littledumbdumbclub.com and get on our Patreon. You can also go direct to patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. You get two bonus mini episodes every week that people are really enjoying. Lots of good ones of them recently with special guests, all sorts of different stuff happening on them.

And you also go into the draw of getting your name read out. Also, you get your, you know, we put in the Patreon Facebook group and on the Patreon page, you know, they get first dibs on anything they do. So we'll give first dibs to the Patreon people for the good and the bad after party. Maybe we should drip feed it, put the bad one out first just to see who bites. That'd be funny. You put the bad one on first just to see who goes, I don't back myself to get tickets to the good after party.

Well, and then it sells out quickly and you go oh well fuck this is sort of pretty popular this sort of almost has become the good after party right so then we change it yeah what if we're the good after party on the walkie talkie's just going how's it going up there it's like just fucking killing it up here and we're like sort of sucks down here and then we have to arrange with everyone we we move to the bad after party then sting everyone for another five bucks yes now that we're here and say we've turned the bad after party into the good after party well i think good after party we have to take uh we have to refund money yeah to the people who thought they were the good after party yep yeah well i think good after party we need screen and projector with video link of the bad after party right just so

that those people at the good one can see how bad the other one is. Okay. And just really know, yep, okay, I'm getting my extra $5 worth. Look, that's perfect. A perfect perk of the good after party is to have a real-life webcam, which, of course, I'm a massive fan of. Yep, yep. Okay, all right.

Well, this is good. I don't mind that at all. All right. Okay. Great. Great. Yeah, I'm happy with this. This will be the sort of thing I want to go to now

but yeah get on Patreon and you'll get that link early and yeah also your name will be fed into the unplanned title alternator it will be chance of being read out one more thing

before we get into the first name which is of course we talked on the main app about how I wasn't able to play soccer and make my 20 year comeback so my muscle is healing as we speak, hopefully.

I'm now being, from going from my friend at Dalesford Soccer Club going a bit cold on me playing, to now he's hitting me up going, how's that calf going? Oh, wow. I've just got a message from him now. So, you cool for this weekend? Wow. No, man, I told you. My calf, you can't hurry.

This guy's all over the place. Yeah. He's giving me very mixed messages. I'm glad I'm not trying to root him. Yeah. Because I wouldn't know where I stood. Yeah. But, yeah, he's, yeah, they must be short of players.

Because he also hit me up a week early when I wasn't ready to go, yeah, you're cool to play. And I'm like, no, man, I need to keep training. Straight away, wasn't it? Yeah. Yeah. So I need to, no, man, I need to keep training. Straight away, wasn't it? Yeah. Yeah. So I need to – I should have – in hindsight, I should have just done it. Yeah.

I could have got a game. Could have avoided an injury. Yeah. Well, could have caused the injury earlier probably. On the – well, at the game potentially. This is what I meant to say to you actually as well. So I – in hindsight, so I tore a slight tear to my calf muscle. I did realize when I was warming up with Capra 90, I was warming up in hindsight.

I reckon I didn't warm up my calves at all. I warmed up everything else except for my calves, which is a stupid idea. Considering I know it's the old man injury and I should have been concentrating on that. Not only that, but I'd been training and then going for a couple of massages. And I was getting massaged on my calf. And I was like fucking screaming yep and the masseur was going what's wrong with you what's happened to your legs at some point i'm like nothing i'm just i've just been doing a lot of running yep and she's

like trying to massage and i'm just like going fucking hell and bouncing off the fucking ceiling ah there you go and she's like wow i'm like well, this is, you know, when a masseuse is like, what's going on here? Like, they've never experienced this. I've never seen anything like this. Yeah, yeah. That's the point where I should make note to self, actually stretch those muscles. Yep. If they're that tight.

100%. Anyway, so, anyway, I'll keep you updated with how quickly I can get back. But, of course, it's a bit of a race against time because as we're recording this, we're going to Brisbane on August 7th. Yep. And so I wouldn't be able to play that weekend. No.

August the 14th, the very next day. Week. Yeah. I mean, the very next day after August 14th is a Dallas game. Ah, right. Which I wouldn next day after August 14th is a Dallas game. Ah, right. Which I wouldn't imagine after doing a big show plus going to the good after parties. Two after parties, yep.

Well, going to the good one and potentially going to the bad one if it suddenly turned into the good one. Yep. That's a lot of effort. I'm not sure if I could back it up with a game the next day. So I might have to try and get back before that. Yikes. That gives you a window of like two weeks or something yeah it's a race against time it's like so what today's the today as we're time

of recording is the 13th and that means that the possible game times are july the 18th no go this week no july 25th potentially maybeentially. Maybe. August 1. That's the aim, I think. That'd have to be the aim. Yeah. Yeah. All right. All right.

Pencil that one in. Okay. I don't know if you've mentioned it, but patreon.com slash little dum-dum club is where you sign up to get all this extra content plus get your name read out. Let's hurry up and get to that, Tommy. Let's do it. Thank you very much to, first cab off the rank this week, Patreon subscriber, thank you very much to Stephen Luke.

Stephen Luke. Yes. No. No? Not for me. Okay, sorry. Don't mind Luke as a first name, as a surname, no good. Stephen's just, you know.

What? No good? Not for me. Oh. Yeah, I don't love it. It's the weaker of the Stevens. It's the PH instead of the V. Oh, even worse.

Yeah. It's a name that I find it hard to imagine anyone now having a kid and going, Stephen. I did have a bit of that the other day. I watched a TV show or something where though they like had a baby and like called it neil and it's like what are you doing i don't mind that you're literally holding a baby and calling a baby neil yeah yeah neil's like see i i don't mind the going for like the super old person name like getting a baby and going i'm gonna call this like agnes or Douglas or whatever.

Like a real kind of like old, like to pick like a grandparent name, but just picking like a middle-aged man name is strange. Stephen, Neil. Yeah. It's, it's, Neil's like a, go one way or the other, Neil's such like a six out of 10 name, I think. Yeah. It's just, just getting,'s just lukewarm water.

It's not boring, but it's also not interesting. No. It's not like, oh, Neil's kind of crazy. It's like you don't hear of that many of them. If you had to pick a person to not be noticed, pick a person's name, you would pick Neil. Yeah. Someone in the background. Hmm.

Yeah. So in the background. Hmm. Yeah. So, Stephen. The reason you don't like Neil is because it involves something you do to touch the line. No, no, no, no. How dare 90.

He's gone down in my estimations. For him to say that I didn't touch the line. I was doing nothing but touching lines. It's just great that you had a slight degree of hesitation about having him on the pod because you're like, I don't know if he. I was doing nothing but touching lines. It's just great that you had a slight degree of hesitation about having him on the pod because you're like, I don't know if he's enough of a cunt.

And then he comes in and it's like one of the first things he says is just absolutely burn you. Yeah, but not even trying to be a cunt, just being like, fuck, there's something wrong with him. Yeah, but just really getting right under the skin. I believe that he believes that I didn't touch the line. Yeah, yeah. I remember watching him absolutely stealing a living out there is what he was doing.

Absolutely stealing it. I was tempted at one stage to go, mate, come on, you've got to do it properly. You've got to do it properly. Kappa was doing it. Kappa was touching the line. I had full respect for him. He was... It's pretty...

I've had that happen at the gym before where they'll just be like one of the stations is just like running back and forth and the trainer will come up and be like, you got to be getting down and touching the ground when you're turning around. It's like, it's very... It's mortifying to have had that be noticed

because in your head, I understand it. It's like, well, I'm doing the running. The running's the important bit. Being told like, it's like I'm running as fast as I can, but still somehow you're being lazy by not squatting down. It's like, all right, well, if it's that important. Look, I had an insight into my, you know, one of my dream jobs as a personal trainer.

You know, as you know, less about, you know, love of the craft, more about telling people what to do. Being paid. Yes. To just being paid and then part of that payment being there's a contract now. Yes. Where you are allowed to say to me whatever I want. But, now that's a fallacy because, of course, I would love to talk to a personal trainer about this in that they don't really get to do that because people don't want to be told what to do.

No one wants that. So I don't think that that is really a thing that actually happens. Many personal trainers are not telling people, fuck, you're not doing this right. Fucking do it right because they're going to get sacked. Yes. I mean, it depends on the person that's there. Some people who are super into it are like,

yep, correct my form, I want to be. Absolutely. But if they say it. It's someone who's like horrifically out of shape yeah i may come in day one well it's a thing where it's like you have to really work up to this because then they're just not going to come back and a lot of people are deluded where they go and they don't they think they want to be pushed and they don't want to be pushed i've seen that in the gym where it's like well i had a personal trainer and he was i'd get to the end of the session and i'd be like right fuck me up now let's do it yeah get get me and come and do make me do an extra one because

i just wanted to walk away i'm like i'm paying good money for this yeah and i'm walking away and i'm not that fussed about it so i'm like just do something where you cane me at the end so i walk out and i go right that was worth the money because now i'm i wouldn't have done that myself just make me do something yeah and the the pt the trainer was always a bit like oh wow i don't i don't get to do this normally yeah i don't get this is this is rare yeah okay and like he'd in in future weeks he'd then come back to me and go do so so so do you want to do you want to do the thing where and yeah it's a thing where people have probably said that in the past and then actually not really meant it. Yeah.

And then been halfway through copying it and being like, please don't do this anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's like waiting for me to say the safety word or whatever. I'm like, no, no, no, no. Push me. Like, do the thing. Yeah.

Get me. Yeah. I mean, that is probably that is a big part of the skill is like just pushing people to maybe 10% more than what they think is their maximum. You can't hold everyone to the same standard. Yes. Yeah, yeah. So it's a tricky one. But I did find it like, you know, like that trainer is sort of like, oh, cool, I get to do this.

You know, I'm not allowed to do it with most people. You should just be like, you know what, if I'm allowed to say whatever, it's half price. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You allowed to say whatever, it's half price. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a personal trainer. That's a good idea. It gives you a discount. It's like, look, I got a lot of aggression I need to get out.

Yeah. I'm not going to pretend that, you know, I'm not getting something out of this. Yeah. If I just get to let rip on you. Yeah. And look, maybe you don't want to be talked to like that. That's fine. But you're being financially compensated for it.

Yeah. In the, you know, by getting 50% off. And if you put it up front, you go, look, I'm the guy that does this stuff. If you don't like it, don't come to it. And I'm not even saying this gets results. I'm just saying this is what I want to do. And that's why it's cheaper.

It might not get results. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It might end in you killing yourself but I'll feel good. You might get injured. Yeah. But you'll save money to go to the hospital with. So that's – I'm easy to deal with around the house.

The business is happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone's kind of benefiting here. Yeah. We did – my wife and I did exercises during lockdowns. Yeah. We were doing stuff on the TV, and I would be doing that stuff. I'd be correcting her form form and I'm like,

I got the insight into being the personal trainer and going, oh, this is no good. You don't even get to do it because no one wants to hear it. Yeah. So I'd be correcting her form going, and she'd be like,

I am fucking doing it. And I'd be like, look, okay, you know, whatever. But just so you know, you're not doing it. Especially in lockdown where it's like, fucking anything is fine.

Getting anything exercise wise done. Yeah. When the gyms and shit aren't open. Yeah. If you fucking fucking if you're active at all yeah it's like that's half the battle but i don't see like that i'm like let's do it properly if we're gonna do it if we're gonna if we're gonna have you know sit sit this aside and go like here's half an hour of exercise why don't we just do it properly yeah but yeah But, yeah. So then, I think really the dog piss from the neighbours above is probably revenge from the noises that were coming out of this flat. Ah, okay.

Okay. As we were working out and me going, oh, you're not doing that properly. Yes, I am. Well, you're not. I fucking am. Well, you're fucking not. No, I am. Yep, yep.

I was like, leave me alone. I'm fucking doing it. I'm fucking doing it. Okay, all right. And then they're like, okay, hey, I am. Yep, yep. I'm like, leave me alone. I'm fucking doing it. I'm fucking doing it. Okay, all right. And then they're like, okay, hey, doggy. Hey, fighter. Get pissed on. Why don't you have a bit more of a drink?

Why don't you have a bit more of a drink? Dampen the mood down there. Well, thanks, Steven. Thanks, Lukey. Thanks, Lucky Luke. You ever seen that cartoon, Lucky Luke? I know what it is, but it's a little bit before my time. I don't think I've ever seen it. I like the idea of that. I like that it's a little bit before my time I don't think I've ever

seen it I like the idea I like that it's a bit before my time well you can still watch it you know well no but like I don't

it was never on when I was a kid so I know what it is like I've seen go home and watch it catch up you reckon it holds up absolutely not

but I think it was a French cowboy it was French yeah I know enough about it But I think it was a French cowboy cartoon. It was French, yeah. I know enough about it to know that it's a French animation. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Alex Mellon. Okay. What do you think about that?

I think it's pretty good. Yeah? You like Mellon as a surname? Mm-hmm. As in general? As a concept? Yeah, as a concept? Yep. As a general? As a concept. Yeah, as a concept? Yep.

As a nickname, perhaps? As a nickname, not so much. No? Wouldn't have thought so, Ed. As a nickname for, not for you, but for other things. Tommy. What, like calling someone a melon head? No, no, no, no.

Like, more like, Sort of talking about maybe anatomy Is what I'm trying to hint at Oh right I'm going to repeat something I said on a bonus ep Because I was pretty proud of it I went to the pub the other day With a couple of friends Yes

And it was a bit of Pammy hanging out with the Lady from Total Recall Five jugs Oh right Yep Very good Very good the lady from Total Recall. Five jugs. Oh, right. Yeah. Very good.

Very good. I'll have to try and get that into the vernacular enough where it's just like, you can just walk into any pub in the country, give us the Pammy and Total Recall things. Right, right. Five jugs. Yeah. Coming right up. Yeah. You've had a few.

How much have you had to drink? Let me put it this way. Let me put it this way. Let me put it this way. Imagine, if you will, the girl from Baywatch hanging out with that. Imagine a bit of VIP crossed with Total Recall. Yeah. See, I've said this. I've probably said this before.

I don't think of Pammy as Baywatch anymore. I think of Pammy as VIP. The superior vehicle for Pammy. VIP. For her talents. Exactly. Yeah. She was not, you know, I get it, the red swimsuit, but didn't do it for me as much.

I don't know if I ever saw VIP. It was, I think it was right in my hitting zone in terms of... Masturbation. Oh, that's a good idea. No, but played during the day when I was transitioning from having a day job to not having a day job in comedy. Transitioning? Yeah. Very quick transition.

Right, right. From having a job and not having a job. Yeah. And watching a bit of Cheers every day, watching a bit of Love Boat. Yep. Have a bit of VIP in there. Yep. Some good daytime watching.

Yep. Yeah. And yeah, VIP, good. The best of the Pammy Anderson years, I'm saying. Wow. Okay. Her peak performance. I've got some clips.

Yep. Absolutely. It was, she was, because she was, we've talked about this, I think, but she was like, what was she about 27, 28 when she was Baywatch? But this is more her into her early 30s. Okay. I think. 29, 30, 31 sort of thing.

Like a fine wine. Yep. Pammy, the peak years, Her salad days, as it were. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Get into it. Okay.

There was a... Look up some best ofs. I believe there was a VIP video game you might want to research. Okay. Okay, now I'm in. Yeah. Now I'm in. What year is VIP?

Oh, I reckon it's like late 90s, isn't it? I think. So that's probably like It's probably on the PlayStation or something Yeah Which means that The idea of a polygonal Pammy Lara Croft style

Yeah Remember the early model of Lara Croft In the video games where it's like Pretty blocky Her breasts are just like fucking spikes Square Right The idea of a poor programmer back in the day having to put together

a 3d model of pammy yeah running on this hardware that it's like you can look you've got five shapes and you've just got to put them together to form a representation of this person with huge breasts yes it's being like fuck i do like any job like that with with pammy back in the day where it's like you have to make it look like Pammy. Okay, well, I just have to draw a big breast now. And it's someone going, oh, sorry about this. But it's like, well, if you don't do it, it's like, well, that doesn't look like her.

Yes, exactly. That's rude. And you're being bad at your job. Yes. Maybe the video game came out long after the show because they were just like, you know what? The PlayStation 1, it can't handle rendering this big. We need to wait.

That's why they invented the PlayStation 2. They were like, we just need more horsepower. Yes. And that's why they didn't have many superhero films back in the day because it was like, well, why bother? We can't have a man flying. We can't have Spider-Man spinning webs. It's not going to look good.

Yeah, they have to wait for the technology to catch up. Same deal. They couldn't make the Human Tor out of the fantastic four they couldn't make um yeah like like spider-man uh spider-man attempts at spider-man movie were very you know limited yeah i think the same deal with pammy yeah they couldn't the vip game actually the playstation 5 came out at the end of last year they're working on it for the PlayStation 6. So it'll be coming out in about five years' time. They'll finally be the horsepower to render a realistic-looking...

A proper VIP video game. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, thanks, Alex Mellon. Thanks, Alex Mellon. You knew it was coming.

Oh, we went on a bit of an unrelated tangent there, but you know that sometimes happens. Yes. Alex, again, good name. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Janine Stephen. It's fucking Stephen week here, isn't it? Yes. And again, the PH, the soft. The PH.

The feminine PH. PH levels are off the charts. Yes., the soft. The PH. The feminine PH. PH levels are off the charts. Yes. And this Stephen? Janine. Don't mind Janine. It's almost. Pleasant name.

One of those rhyming names. Janine Stephen. So almost. Almost. Almost. Almost. It's a stretch of almost, but yeah. I had a friend called Neen.

Well, in that I had a friend who then went out with a girl called Neen. And it took me a very long time to realise that it was short for Janine. I've never heard that before. And not only that, but this guy, this friend of ours, he would call – he wrote down her name. He was like, yeah, I met this girl and I'm seeing her at the moment. Yep. And this is her name. And we're like, oh, Neen.

He's like, no, no, no, it's pronounced Neenie. Like chicken place. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, okay. All right, Neenie. All right. Nene. All right. And so then we just sort of called her Nene. And then a couple of weeks later, he goes, yeah, that's not how you pronounce her name.

It is Nene. Oh, okay. Right. I just told you that. So you'd sound like fuckheads. Yes. That's actually really good. Yeah.

That's really, really good. But the joke was purely for him. He wasn't sitting there giggling or anything he was just listening to this very stupid interaction and then his girlfriend neen was just hearing us yeah call her the wrong name and being too polite to say anything he doesn't care but just very quietly going what the fuck is wrong with your friends and my friend going yeah i don't know he's the joker he's just causing chaos he's just happy to sit in the middle of it as the architect fucking weirdo he also we used to play we also used to play um like video game cricket way back in the day like playstation and you'd

hit the the top buttons to make you know you really hit the ball properly yeah and we're playing this guy and i had no experience playing fucking playstation video games and i think my friends didn't either and he was just tonking us every time we're like how the fuck are you hitting the ball out of the park and we don't know how to do it and he's like yeah i don't know i guess i'm just timing it really well and one day i just sat there and watched him and all of a sudden i noticed him hitting the top buttons i'm like what the fuck's with the top buttons thing and he's like oh yeah i yeah, I don't know. I'm like, no, you've just been beating us on purpose. That's fine. But now you just, you were saying, oh, it was just a coincidence.

Oh, you're just timing or whatever. I know we're too dumb to figure out that we should have hit the top buttons. So he's just hammering it repeatedly. Yes. Right, right, right. Yes. He's not waiting to line up the perfect one. He's just going through.

No, no, no, no. Just all power and force and then just not teaching us the trick of the top buttons. That's pretty good. Now I'm thinking back, this cunt just lied to us about everything. Yeah, yeah. About Nene, about the top buttons. Speaking of Nene and Nene chicken, an item that they serve on the menu, bought an air fryer recently and it came, this is so funny, it comes with its own cookbook.

Kogan brand air fryer that comes with like a little Kogan branded recipe book for the air fryer. And I don't know, the idea of getting your recipe advice from a free little pamphlet that came with the, you know, item is pretty funny. Yeah. But what they've got a recipe for in there is something that I know you're a fan of. What's it called? The tornado potato. Oh, yes. Yeah.

It's got how to make them. Can make them in the air fryer. Yes. That's like a potato that's sort of been unscrewed. It's like if a potato was an accordion. Yes. And you've stretched it right out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Put a stick in the middle and then you kind of eat your way around it. Oh. Batter it a little bit. Well, not batter, but like fry it and then put a little seasoning on there. Delicious. Can I come around and have some? Yeah, I've got to experiment. Right.

I've got to fuck around and get the timing right and everything. Can you hold a dinner party that's that plus Bell Gibson cookbook dishes? I've got to find some stuff from the Bell Gibson cookbook that I can cook in the air fryer. Right. That's definitely on the agenda. I don't – frying anything doesn't really go hand in hand with beating cancer, I wouldn't have thought.

Well, the air fryer, to me, it's got a bit of tanning bed feel to it. Right. Where it's like, all of a sudden, everyone's into it. People can't believe how good and convenient it is. Right. No one really knows how it works. Right. It almost seems too good to be true.

Okay. And I wouldn't be shocked if in a year's time it's like, cooking food in this is really really bad right all of these have been recalled yep and if you're you know obviously then there would be like a bit of a black market trade of air fryers someone going man i can't believe you're still using the air fryer after everything we know about yeah that's to do plain package air frying. Exactly. We know it causes cancer, but it just makes us feel better. Yeah. Yeah. Me and my girlfriend went somewhere in Coburg recently,

and on the way there, my girlfriend was like, oh, there was like a secret tanning salon around here that I used to go to when I first moved to Melbourne. A secret one? Well, this is when they'd been outlaw this is when she would still go there was one that was just operating still down this like back alley or whatever and she's like look i know they're so bad for you but like god i miss them they were fucking great really yeah it's yeah look why my wife girlfriend at the time, used to love them early days where I was like, you're really, yeah, you're sort of going a level too much when she's going.

I'm like, you just, I could never understand. I'm like, to me, it looks bad. She's getting too tanned. Yeah. Right. And it looks like, all it looks like is that you've been tanned is the effect supposed to be that you've been outside in the sun or is the effect supposed to be that you look at it and go you've had a tanning salon it's interesting it's one of those things that's like deeply

rooted in the collective you know psychology of having a tan is desirable but yeah i don't think anyone that looks at it goes wow that person looks so hot and the reason they look hot is because they've clearly been in the sun a lot yeah it's just like oh your skin just looks better when it's darker yeah it's a weird one i i i get it um but yeah i don't really i'm not tempted to do it or anything like that i think some people that are like super pale i get it like my wife can get pretty he's pretty pale so just to not be pale i think i tan reasonably easily so maybe i've just got it good. Yeah. Maybe I don't understand the plight of the pale. But I mean, you can't go to them at all anymore.

Can you not do anything like that anymore? The tanning beds, like the solariums, they're gone. Right. You can get spray on. Right. That's all there is. Maybe that's, yeah, maybe that's what your wife's into now. Yeah. Not to out her as an illegal solarium user.

She doesn't do it well. that's what your wife's into now. Yeah. Not to add her as an illegal solarium user. She was, she doesn't do it well. Now that, you know, not to get too boring, but, you know, now that we have a kid,

it's like, well, there's less things that she's going to like that. Yeah. It's more like, how about I do something nice cosmetically to myself

and take food out of my hair? Yeah. So, not so much tanning going on anymore. But, Janine, Janine, food out of my hair. Yeah. So not so much tanning going on anymore. But... Janine. Janine.

Yeah, Nini, if I can call you that. Well, she should... Nini Chicken. I'd never heard Neen, and I'd certainly never heard Nini, so maybe this is... The dream is that people discover new nicknames for themselves off the back of being read out on this. What about this instead then? Janine.

Instead of Neen, it's spelled like this. Nine. Nine. Yeah. That's got real George Costanza energy. Yeah. I like it. Yeah, Nine.

Just calling someone Nine. Nine. Because that's a good nickname. Because, you know, especially in the use of the lexicon, you would say there's not a lot of girls that like saying, oh, that guy, he's a real 10. There's more, it's more going the other way around. It's more guys describing girls as numbers. Yes. Right?

Yes. So if all of a sudden you just come out and you're a girl and you're like, yeah, I'm nine. Like, whew, not bad. Not too bad at all. I would have told this at some point over the years but there was a guy at my high school when we were in year 12 and you get the we had the rugby jumpers that you could get like a nickname put on the back of you had to send away and get it done and there was this guy in my year who got g put on his and he's walking around he's like yeah g you know that's my nickname people call me g

and we're like no one's ever called you no one has ever called you that great where's you know where's g come from he's like you know because keep in mind this is 2004 he's like because you know i look like andrew g oh everyone's always saying it and this is like peak australian idol yeah when andrew g is like the hot hunk that hosts australia when he had like the long blonde hair right um and it was just like this thing where he's like you know because everyone everyone at school kind of thinks i look like this guy everyone's always telling me and everyone's just like no yeah no one has ever thought or said that right that's just you going you know who i look like yeah the hot guy from guy from the TV. Right. You fucking asshole. Yeah.

Also, what a waste of the, you can get anything put on the back there, and you're getting G. Yeah. It's, look, G's one of the better letters. I'll say that. But nine, nine's a legit, you get nine in the back of your head. That's pretty good. Yeah. A girl called nine, that is, that's, I wish I'd call my daughter that now. Yeah. That's a fucking, that's a great name a girl called nine that is that's i wish i'd call my daughter that now yeah that's a fucking that's a great name it's a really good name yeah nine

chandler janine you are a fool if you don't take this gift to you to rename yourself nine jar nine yep you mean you you all of a sudden you know you dress up one night all of a sudden people are going you don't mind me saying more of a nine and a half there we go

yeah there we go yeah alright Janine well let us know maybe have a day of just kind of trying that on and let us know

how you go yeah let us know how the rebrand goes yeah exactly yeah I'd love to know thanks Janine thanks Nine thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Kia Beals.

I thought you were going to say Kia Sportage. No, not that. My car's subscribing. No, that hasn't happened this week. No. K-E-I- I drive around in a sentient car like Brum that has its own bank account and can support the show on Patreon.

You've been playing the show through its loudspeakers and it's going, oh, I don't mind this. I don't mind this thing that's coming out of me right now. It's been stuck into me. I might pay money for something that's been stuck into me. K-E-I-R, Kia, right? Yeah, I guess, yeah. Yeah's that's the only option there beals b-e-a-l-e-s that's yeah beals i don't mind kia beals bealsy it's a fucking odd one to come out of the mouth the full name kia beals beals beals above feels like i'm saying at least one

of the things wrong kia beals here i'm still not really sold on because it's one of those ones that you look at and you go, hmm. Well, there's no other way to say this. Yeah. And then you hear it pronounced and it's like, what? You know what's wrong here? You're sort of saying ear twice in a row. Kia Beels. Ear.

You don't need to have two ears in your name. You need them on your head though. Well, if you don't need to have two ears in your name. You need them on your head, though. Well, if you don't... Never a truer word. And I'm glad I do, because I wouldn't have heard that otherwise, Tommy. You know what I've fucked is Irish names. Not so much the surnames, but the first names. Well, this definitely sounds like an Irish first name.

Yeah, I was watching a doco about this murder the other day, first name yeah i was watching a doco about this uh about this murder the other day and there was a guy who a british guy who lived in this small town uh in ireland and he loved it so much his name was ian but he changed his name to an irish name that's spelt like o-e-a-n or something and so in this documentary you're constantly seeing it written down and people are speaking the irish name out loud yeah in spite of them saying that every time i saw it written down i was forgetting how it's pronounced i'd look at it and say it in my head and then someone in the doco would say it out loud and it's like i never in a million years would have gotten that even though i've already heard it like how the fuck does anyone keep track of how things are pronounced over there there's a

few ghs over there they're not doing what they're born to do. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. This O and E were like just, I don't know, real identity crisis going on with them. Yeah. Yeah. Well, two ears.

All the better to hear this name, which here has got an ear in it as well. Yeah. Whoa. Whoa. Man, I had too many cookies at lunch, dude. Man, this shit's getting deep. Yeah, look, I'm not signing off on this name, unfortunately. I can't give this one a pass. I feel like this week With the names Almost exclusively

There have been names That if I just saw them written down I would never guess That they'd be people That listen to this Oh you wouldn't pick Alex Mellon as a listener Of this show

Alex Mellon maybe Right Is the exception Right But like All the others Yeah They're all very

They're all very unfamiliar Usually there's like At least one a week That we've seen You know that we recognise From the socials or something. Right. I can't say I've ever seen any of these people before.

Yeah. And you know what? That's a good thing. Yeah. Keep it up. You think these are just ringers that don't even listen to the show, just somehow found our Patreon online and thought this will be a good prank. Let's give money to this show I've never heard of before.

Exactly. Right. Exactly. Right. That could be still true. So if we don't get any response from any of these people this week, this could be some sort of massive prank against us. But a great prank where we get money and a slight little bit of confusion and nothing really bad happens to us. We've gone like, what, 50 bucks or something out of these people?

Right. Do you reckon – What about this? All right, well, let's go through these four names. You tell me who's going to the good after party and who's going to the bad after party. Okay, yeah. Stephen Luke. Good. Alex Mellon.

Oh, bad. Oh, really? He's a bad boy. Wow. Janine Stephen. Good. Well, as a nine, you'd hope so. Yeah.

Unless the entire good party after party is full of tens. Yeah. One of them pulls out and then the nine slips through. That's it. Yeah. Kia Beals. Bad. Yeah, that's fair.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So, half and half. Yeah. Yeah. Not sure how many names we're going to do, but if it's an odd number, that'll be the tiebreaker of whether this patron is good after party or not. Okay. So, half and half. Yeah. Yeah. Not sure how many names we're going to do, but if it's an odd number, that'll be the tiebreaker of whether this Patreon is a good after party or bad after party.

I was about to finish the show, but I feel like we need a tiebreaker. We need one more. We need one more. Let's say thanks to Kia and let's just do one more. Thanks, Kia. All right. Let's do the, let's see. It would have been great to go through all the Patreons

and basically fill both of the after parties. Do like 180 names all up any other week. But we did the podcast in the morning, and this day has just blown right off. It has. We went to lunch with Capra90. We started late. We talked a bit of shit.

We went for lunch. All of a sudden. We recorded a dummy-o. Yep. The entire day has just fucking disappeared. A record day does disappear. I'm glad you've experienced this. This is the first time we've recorded something at my house for a long time.

Generally, then it takes me quite a while to get to yours and come back. The entire day just absolutely fucks off. So when you fuck off, I feel like I've got another hour up my sleeve than I would not have normally had. Yep. Yep. Yep. But you've fucked fucked this man i know this is this has destroyed my day i go home edit this yep yep i had great you know it doesn't matter how many times it happens you never learn i'm in my head like i'll be back home in time for lunch it's gonna be great make a little sandwich at home no got some leftover chicken in the fridge. No. Last day I can use it.

Sorry. It's gone in the bin. I'll make a little to-do list and I didn't even bother doing one today because I'm like, well, I might as well make a list of three things because that's what's getting done today. All right. Let's do one final one so you can go and eat your leftover chicken. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber.

Oh, okay. Yeah, I don't think we've had someone called that before. All right. Well, look, this will be a good test to see who's going to the... Whether this one is going to the good after party or bad after party, but I don't mind this as a name. Thank you very much to 11 Comedy. Wow.

Yeah. What do you think? I mean, once I had sex with a chick called 12 Comedy, so compared to that. Oh, not as good. This person's hideous, mate. Oh, really? And 11? Mm.

Wow. Have you ever met... Now, that is a good girl's name. 11. Yeah. That makes... On the spinal tap of hot chicks. That's like your mate has a daughter and calls at nine

and then you're also about to have a daughter and you're like, I'm going to beat this guy. Yes. I'm calling my daughter 11. Yes. That's someone who met Janine Stephen and who's rebranded herself as a nine and gone, nah, I reckon my daughter's going to be two better.

Yeah, exactly. Not even one. Yeah. Not even like leaving like just one upping. No. Or two u better. Yeah, exactly. Not even one. Yeah. Not even like leaving, like just one-upping. No. Or two-upping. Yeah.

Eleven. Eleven comedy. Right, okay. Yeah. I mean, that's whatever. Yeah. That's by the by. That's just one-upping someone whose last name is Drama.

All right, well, thanks, Eleven. Are they going to the good or bad? Oh, Eleven comedy. Oh, good one for sure. Oh, good one? Yeah. Okay, yeah. All right.

I think 11 we're going to be there and I want to I want to get a look at this person oh right I was going to say

if they're 11 they might even have to go to the there might be a third after party happening the great after party oh yes

yeah there we go that's the kick-ons back at some share house at 4 in the morning alright now I'm going to

have to organise a third venue a third a crack den for us alright well thanks everyone for supporting the show on Patreon. Get on there, patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. Get yourself the bonus episodes.

Get your tickets to all the upcoming stuff at littledumbdumbclub.com. The Melbourne Live Show, August the 14th at 8.30pm on a Saturday night. This is it. This is it, kids. This could be the greatest show of all time. Yep, getting close. Get your tickets if you've been holding off. Let's sell those last few and uh yeah we'll see you next time see you mates