The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 566 - Gen Fricker & Cameron James

Episode Date: August 4, 2021

This week we're checking in on two of our dear locked-down friends in Sydney, CAMERON JAMES and GEN FRICKER and there's an incredibly manic energy in the air! Tommy's dad has had one beer and started regaling him with stories of near conquests from his past, Cam's been forced to do some horrifying stuff to his dog, and Karl's been getting some very concerning messages about his cat. PLUS, dolphins, strokes, Lifeline and conspiracy theories AND the return of CANCER CORNER!   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Jen Fricker and Cameron James. We have some live shows scheduled in. LittleDumbDumbClub.com is where you can go to look at the dates of them. Brisbane, unfortunately, as you would know from looking at the news up there, we are not going to be able to make it up there this weekend if you're listening to this hot off the presses. But keep your eye on the socials, keep your eye on your emails. Once we can get up there we are going to very quickly uh just do it we're not going to put a date far far in the future right now we're just gonna yeah we're gonna wait for things to ease off and open up and then we

will be straight up there isn't that right carl that's correct as soon as you guys um see a chink of daylight out your door we'll be there knocking on it saying, come along to our show. So, as soon as you guys are allowed to, as soon as we're allowed to come up there, it'll be happening.

Yes. So, keep your eye on the social medias, like we said, and your email and we'll be in touch as soon as we know more. But,

yeah, littledumbdumbclub.com for tickets to the stuff that we have coming up. We will talk to you more at the end of this episode about supporting our Patreon, which you can do at patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub.

Get bonus episodes every week. But yeah, we'll chat more at the end of this episode. Until then, enjoy this new one with Cameron James and Jen Fricker. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo, and with me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler.

G'day, dickhead. We've got two very special guests joining us today. Please welcome back into the Little Dum Dum Club, Jen Fricker and Cameron James. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. We did it.

This is just a Lifeline call, guys. We just had to call and check that you're doing okay at the moment. Thank you. We just want to confirm you are going to kill yourself. Thank you. It's a new angle from Lifeline. We need numbers. We just want to confirm you are going to kill yourself. Thank you. It's a new angle from Lifeline. We need numbers. We need numbers.

We will get COVID to zero one way or the other through vaccination or through mass suicide. The numbers will go down. What if there was a rogue element of Lifeline where either they thought they were supposed to ring you and get you to try to kill yourself or there is a part of Lifeline where it's like, well, we've got to make sure some people are killing themselves, otherwise there's no need for Lifeline.

So they're doing that to justify the funding from the government. Right. Dude, this is some red pill shit. If people call up and they sound like a bit of a piece of shit, here's how to kind of talk them off the edge effectively. That sounds to me like something a guy at the pub would tell you he'd be like you know there's like one out of every 10 people employed by lifeline actually encourage you to kill yourself yeah yeah it's an inside job it's an inside job yeah depression is an inside job okay that is a T-shirt that I would not wear.

Do you think anyone's ever like you feel like you're really good at the moment, you know, you're kind of walking on air, you've got a bit of a spring in your step, and you're like, you know what? I'm going to call Lifeline and just check up on the operators. Just see how they're doing. Because I've got to be like, it's got to be up to them. Yeah, they've got to be, you know, they listen to all this all day. It would kind of affect you and bring you down.

This is how well put together I am. I'm going to give the operators at Lifeline a pep talk. This is actually how you guys should be doing it. Everyone's always asking me how I'm doing, but how are you doing? Yeah. It's like, excuse me, are you happy-splaining this to me? Like, what the fuck is this guy? Happy-splaining, fuck.

this to me? Like, what the fuck is this guy? Happy explaining. Fuck. So you guys, yeah, Cam and Jen, you're in Sydney. You're in lockdown. We've just come out here in Melbourne. I just went and had a beer down the road at the pub just before we did this and I was in the toilet and

I saw a discarded bag just floating around in the urinal and it made me really emotional because I just realised Melbourne's back and that's what you guys are that's what you guys are going to be back to someday i just know it thanks man that's um i think that's the melbourne version of american beauty it's not a plastic bag floating in the breeze it's a coke bag floating in piss that's fucking beautiful stuff it had littleleaf clovers printed on it and it was just, yeah,

it's just sloshing around in the stream there. And that's that cultural element that Melbourne really brings. Like everything you look at is art. Melting pot. Do you guys even have cocaine in Sydney? Has it got up there yet? I don't even have a joke. I don't remember the last time I did coke.

You know, I'm just, I am breathing so well at the moment. You know what I mean? I am just in and out through my nasal cavity at the moment. It is divine, I got to say. Just to give you guys a little update on me, I just got a little notification on my computer screen that said, your connection is unstable. And I think that applies to both my Wi-Fi and my mental state at the moment

because I'm feeling fucking scattered. This is the first time I've spoken to anyone who's not my dog or my wife in about a week. So I'm fucking freaking out right now. I have to say, when you started talking to us before we hit record, I was like, it does sound like you're learning to speak again. You sounded a little bit nervous talking to us i'm like what's fucking happened to you it's weird being on the zoom because like you have i'm not used to looking

at people in the eye anymore and then there's like four sets of eyes looking at me now it's so weird i live alone yeah i just talk to my plants now it It's like we went through all this same stuff a year ago, but even still, you both sound deranged at the moment. Like it really puts into perspective what you guys were going through on the other side of us in our big lockdown last year. It's been a freaky Friday happening right now, and I'm loving it. I'm loving being the parent. It's fucking great.

Sucks to be Jodie Foster like you cunts but um yeah i thought i was handling it so well until this very moment but then it wasn't until i looked at both of you guys i realized we're actually on zoom running around the pub spitting on people it's fucking it's pretty good it's pretty it's he's rubbing it in your nose i'm really sorry but yeah it feels good fuck imagine anything getting rubbed on anything right now, though. You know what I mean? Damn. Fuck.

That'd be good. I was pretty tempted to just do this on my phone out in the wild. Just do a remote recording session. You know, supermarket, art gallery, bookstore. At the footy. At the footy, yep. Well, Jen and I were hoping that we could be doing this from the uh from the freedom rally we were planning on doing a live broadcast from there but unfortunately the fucking

pigs shut it down nanny state fucking nanny state but we were really hoping to be there because um you know we were at the last one and it was great yeah the vibe was beautiful i gotta say yeah so many wonderful like laneway festival this this is what i was this this is an idea i can't stop thinking about i was telling tommy the other day i would love it if like you know you know like the argument is like if you get the if you get the jab you've got like in two or three years everyone's just gonna be dropping like flies. I love the idea that we all do do that and the only people left on earth are anti-vaxxers.

They're the only people left. And there's just all these people, all these absolute dumb cunts walk around going, fuck, what do we do now? Who do we bash now? What do we fucking complain about now? Yeah, I was saying it'd be like a good like HBO series. It's kind of like a twist on the plot of The Leftovers

where it's like half the world's population disappears and the people left don't know why. The people left in this version, they know why. And then, yeah, how long would it take them to go inward and then be split again? Because it'd be something. What's the next issue that comes along? Come on, a week.

That even those people can't agree upon. yeah i think it would split you into like facebook anti-vaxxers versus tiktok anti-vaxxers yes yeah yeah i think i reckon they'd probably be upset because i reckon they'd all be like right we can't all run the gyms someone else is gonna have to do another job yeah what's the what's the main job that's phased out? What's the industries that are just decimated? Carnivals, they rule the world when it's only anti-vaxxers left. It's pretty much just every town becomes a travelling show and they just pack up and move on in a caravan of people.

And makeup artists are found. Makeup artists really love to tell you how much they do not like masks and how they do not believe in the vaccine. And often they're like two centimetres from your face as they're telling you this. They're like, yeah, I don't believe this about the virus. Great. Hairdressers too, I think.

There was a hairdresser that got in trouble like not too far from my house in the last lockdown here where they had stayed open and someone had like walked past and just seen someone in there getting a haircut and the person who owned the hairdresser had posted about this on Facebook and so someone had gone past while this hairdresser was giving a haircut

knocked on the window and was like you're not allowed to be open and the hairdresser's posted about this going, how's the audacity of that? I mean, this is my hairdresser. It's like my house, okay? It's like I'm just having someone into my house to cut their hair. And it's like, yeah, also not allowed.

Yeah. Two things you can't do, actually. That's currently one of the main things that's banned. And also, you've now made it public. You are admitting in print that you are breaking the law. Thank you. I'll be around soon. Say cops.

I watched an interview with that fire twirler guy that was at the Freedom Rally. In Sydney, yeah. I love that you've gone deep on him. Oh, man. I know his name. I won't say it on the podcast, but it is Petrol Panther. Let's just call him Hero. And you can look him up.

But anyway, I watched this interview with him he has got to be like the dumbest cunt that has ever walked the earth and i'm so jealous of that i like watching him talk you're laughing at him for a few minutes and then eventually you're like he just looks so happy and just he doesn't care blissful like his life is just like yeah i'm hot my shirt's off i'm in the fire community i'm well known in the fire community i control fire yeah i can't try yeah man he could be in captain planet yeah man he's a fucking hero it was actually inspiring to watch these people and go, yeah, I'd be so happier if I was just like 10% dumber. That's all I need to be. He got great exposure. He's not looking at the video going,

this is embarrassing that this is being shared around. He's rapped. He's thinking like- I'm going to get corporates out of it. I'm going to get corporates out of it. Fuck that's good. But to just be like- The corporate fire.

There's nothing like he has actually made the cops look foolish because like imagine being a cop and then being like i've got a gun but i've got to use a fire extinguisher on a fucking like i could be murdering people but instead i've got to like i'm on camera fire extinguishing a fire twirler or you're standing there with a can of deodorant and you're like, I'll spray it, cunt. Don't make me go up. I got a new accountant recently and I was doing the rounds trying to find a new one and my wife was like, I'll go with my family one. And I rang them up and went through everything and went, oh, this is what I think my old accountant's doing wrong, blah, blah, blah.

And five minutes in he's like, oh, yeah, I'd do this, I'd do that, I'd do this. And then he goes, yeah, well, you know, like within, we went from numbers to going into the virus isn't real. And I'm like, how are you wedging this into a sales pitch for me thinking about putting my money with you? And within six minutes, I reckon, he starts saying about who should be arrested in the government, that we should all be out there, no masks, whatever. And I'm like, this is not like, I'm not with you at this point.

Like, this is a sales pitch from you. And I'm like, nah, mate, yeah, I don't know about this one. No, thanks. And is this a good or bad mentality to have in an accountant? Because I guess if he's saying he should be arrested in the government, so he's got deep distrust, so he's probably working hard for you to not give more of your money over to them. That's a good point.

But also, he sounds fucking out of his mind. I don't know. I don't know which way I'd land on it, whether he's a good accountant or not. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. That's not a profession that I would think would be prone to anti-vax. Well, you don't think of an accountant having any opinion whatsoever about anything.

Right. You picture accountants just being like, yeah, don't know, don't know, don't know nothing. Anyway, you don't think of accountants as hippies either, though. Like, if anything, they've got to be probably hard right wing because they're looking after money. Traditionally, there's not a lot of accountants in you know oh yeah i just i just moved down here from nimbin oh really cool yeah no you can be my accountant well speaking of um speaking of the extreme pivot i had uh my uh my my dad uh came in

here like a few weeks ago before the last lockdown to help me put some hooks in to hang some paintings and stuff. And he came over with my mum. Mum went for a walk and then dad finished the job like quicker than he thought. So we were just killing time. So I was like, oh, do you want to have a beer? And my dad doesn't really drink. So he has one beer and that's all it takes for him to just be fucking on one. that's all it takes for him to just be fucking on one awesome and he just starts he just starts letting loose like telling me all these stories about like before he met mom and like different

women that were trying really hard to fuck hell yeah hell yeah how old is your dad just holding court he's 74 and is he oh my god how's the peace on him, Tommy? We want to know about that peace. Yeah. Yeah. That's a very good, like, 50-year-old blue ball story where he's still hanging on to the women he could have been banging in the 60s and 70s.

Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah, these are stories from, like, 40 years ago where it's like having these committed to memory when you've had this whole life. So it's just him absolutely holding court. Me not really wanting to hear it in any way, shape or form. But just him going like, yeah, there was this one girl and she'd always be like going into the city. one girl and she'd always be like going into the city and so she'd like she'd she'd call me up and she'd be like oh can i just drive and park my car at your house and then get the tram there and i knew what she meant it's a bit easy we all know what she meant yeah literally he's like yeah i

knew what she was trying to say yeah can i park my car at your house okay i know i can pick up Can I ride the tram? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. I get it. My dick's the tram. I get it. I get it. I get it. Can you design my house? Stop trying to fuck me. I'm married. No, you're an architect.

Can you design my house? So, Tommy, were any of them like successful root stories or were they all just stories of near misses? Yeah. I, yeah. He only told me, put it this way way if any of them worked he didn't bring them up he was maybe he was maybe that's because they didn't happen maybe he's you know maybe he's got a bit of a thing of like you know i'm married i've i've got a family i've been

married for a long time it would be impolite to talk about you know previous conquests before i don't know i didn't get any of that information i only heard about the failures that were all framed as like check out these fucking desperate women who really thought they were doing a covert job of trying to bang me and i and i saw through all of it and in dad's defense like the woman going oh i need to drive to your house to park there to get the tram into the city it's like why this is like 40 years ago. Surely you could have just parked in the city. It's not like... Yeah. You know what I mean?

Was it that hard to drive into the city back then? Probably not. I reckon she wanted to fuck him. I've thought about that one and I reckon she wanted to fuck him. Let's get some pictures. Can you ask him next time if he can... Was he pointing out the Facebook profiles or anything or no? Yeah.

They're just photos of Pamela Anderson and stuff that is found on the internet. Yeah, I nearly fucked her. Ben Grable. Jane Mansfield. I'd love to be remembered as a girl that someone almost fucked. I would love that. Oh, yes. Someone was 70 and still talking about almost fucking me?

That would be sick. I would love that. Absolutely. I remember love that. Absolutely. I remember I went on a date once with a guy, and this sounds like I was trying to rude him, but on the flip side of it, anyway. You dropped your car near his house so you could get on the tram, even though there's no trams in Sydney.

Famously, Sydney's public transport system is terrible, right? So I was like 20 and I went on a date with this guy and then he kept prolonging the date. And I was like, oh, man, like I've got to get home. There's literally only one tram an hour, one train an hour to get back to where I've got to go. And then I've got to get the bus. Like it's like a two-hour round trip.

And he's like, oh, no, like let's keep hanging. And I was keep hanging and i was like okay and he's like and you can just sleep on my couch if you want if like you get stuck here and i was like oh okay i guess like it might be easier than trying to like negotiate a late night transport system so anyway so then i slept over on his couch nothing happened like super it was like the driest day and there was no vibe between us whatsoever. Whoa. And like the driest day. Is that what you were going to say? I've got one of those at the moment actually.

And then I remember like, I was like, I was really happy with myself because I was like, the first time I'd been on a date kind of clocked it as like not being a vibe, but like, maybe we could be friends. And he was like, yeah, of course. Like your friendship means so much to me. And I would love that. And like, yeah, like if it's not a romantic thing, I'd love it to be a friendship. And I'm like, great.

And then got back to uni the next week and everyone was like, so you fucked Will Atkinson, did you? You're ruining him on the couch we're just naming him great wow awesome great had he been telling people or did they just was he been telling people i'd fucked him awesome wow yeah so good that's pretty ratty yeah what a cool dude. He'll be telling that story for years to come, I reckon. Actually, my wife's dad, after a couple of wines one night, started telling me stories from his past.

And it was just because we don't talk that often. We're not like best mates. But he'd had a few drinks and he was like, one time, 1978, I had sex with one girl. Then later that day, I had sex with a friend. And I was like, awesome. I'm fucking your daughter, so I win.

Hell yeah. That is so sick that he's got the exact year committed to memory that's fucking you look down at his arm and he just got 1978 just tattooed on the bicep like never forget his wife's like what's that for he's like don't worry about it don't worry about it first thing i think of in the morning first last thing i think of when I go to bed. What is the bragging female story, Jen? Like, you've got guys like that that's like, oh, this one time a girl nearly fucked me or one time I did actually fuck a girl. Do girls ever brag about anything like that?

Like fucking conquests or something like that? Is that what you kind of mean? Well, no. Even anything sex-wise. Does that impress girls with girls' talk? No, no, no. Do girls like sex? I'm trying to think again. Do girls like it when it's big?

What do girls like? Do they scissor? Yeah. Honestly, I'm struggling to remember the last time I had sex, first of all, and talked about sex with anyone. So I'm like, trying to think. Is there ever girls in a circle after a big night out just going, let's just talk rooting stories?

Oh, yeah, that always happens. Let's get them out. But it's always just like, this motherfucker jack-rabbited me into like, they just jerked off with my body like it's always that it's never like yeah um right like yeah i get the impression that it's more it's like when girls talk about it's more detail oriented when like oh like i'll tell my girlfriend like oh guess what this mate of mine told me that he you know picked up this girl last night and she'll be like oh so you know what what you know how did it all happen what positions and i'll be like i don't know she's like what do you mean

you don't know i'm like i don't know i just didn't didn't get into it he just brought up that it happened and then that's i mean that's good enough for me she's like men are fucking stupid it's like i don't know i'm not going to sit there and get into all the fucking you know get into the full yeah your your friend said i picked up you already had your dick out. You're jerking off, mom. Yeah. That's almost too much detail for me. I didn't listen to the rest of the story. I don't know.

Maybe it's just my circle of friends. But, like, it's not so much bragging as, like, it's always stories about the worst possible thing happening. You know what I mean? That's what I thought it might have been. Yeah, yeah. Like, it's all negative stuff. It's never, like, check this out. Yeah, when it's good, it's like, you're like, I fucked that guy.

And then people are like, this yeah when it's good it's like you're like i fuck that guy and then people like yeah but that's it but when it's i just remember like a girl told me once she went home with this guy that she'd been like tuning for ages and then spewed on his dick and i think about that like she could have told me about 10 guys that she's rooted that she's had a good time with i only remember her telling me that story i don't even yeah but what is the story, you know? Like after that, was that the end of the interaction? Because again, guys are so... That guy must have been like, oh God, I'm going to have to clean the spew off my dick,

fuck this girl and get out of here. Exactly. That's basically what happened, yes. You all know this guy as well. I wish I could say, can we say his name and you just cut it out? I think I know. I actually think I all know this guy as well i wish i could say can we say his name and you just cut it out i think i know i actually think i might know this story i think i might know who it is but uh yeah why not i would have thought the the guy the guy version of that story would have been check it out looks like someone's got something big enough to get not too shabby yeah

absolutely no he's that's because it's like's like if the girl, like the guy vomiting on the girl, that's it. That's the end of that interaction. But the other way around, the girl vomiting on the guy, it's like the guy in his head going, I am going to move heaven and earth to still get this one across the line. Absolutely. No, it's fine.

I don't really mind that I've got spuel over me. Yeah, I don't care. I kind of like it. Have you been in that situation where you're like, the mercenary in me will get this done like something hectic's happened and you're like i will make it i do i do get the vibes of like a sentence going something like so so you're okay so so you're still feeling uh yeah yeah i had an ex He told me that he had sex with a girl And she had a stroke While they were having sex And he had to take her to the hospital I draw the line at like brain trauma

That's exactly the line that I draw I think Yeah When I'm having sex When I'm having sex with someone I want both of the sides of their faces to be moving As we're having sex Oh you're so hot I love that cologne

Is that burnt toast? Yeah once someone's having a blood clot, I'm like, all right, let's maybe stop. He's like, I thought she was doing a bit at first. And I was like, why did you have the kind of relationship where you would be doing bits while you were having sex? And he's like, absolutely not. And I'm like, so what?

Just take her to a hospital. Well, she's like, I think I'm having a stroke. And you're like, oh, mutual masturbation. Okay, we can take it. I'll do it. Yeah, you are, babe. Watch each other masturbate. I'll try anything, whatever.

Yeah. Well, technically, I'm doing the stroke on you, so don't be claiming credit. Oh, that's not what you meant. I mean, you just know that he'll be framing it forever as, I gave a girl a stroke one time. Yeah, absolutely. That's exactly how I'm a brag.

Dude, you should have seen her face afterwards. Just unbelievable. She couldn't move. She couldn't walk. I asked the family afterwards, no bad medical history before that. Nothing like that in a family. Clean bill of health.

As soon as I got in the cot with her, boom. Oh, man. I fucked her so good, her nan had a stroke. That's how good I was. It went up the family tree. After I licked her out, she had eczema. Yeah, it was pretty full on. It was pretty full on.

Dude, I gave her irritable bowel syndrome. I swear to God. I had a friend brag that he gave someone thrush. And I'm like, that's like, you just need to wash your dick, dude. That's not a fucking brag. Yeah, dude. She was walking side to side from Crush. That's so fucking...

Oh, dude. Hey, can I tell you guys about something very personal to me? It's come up naturally, but I've been dealing with my dog's vagina all week. I don't know if I've told any of you guys about it yet. I've been trying not to spread it around, but I'm going to tell you guys about it. My dog had to get a vulvaplasty a couple of days ago. What is that?

What does that mean? Do you know what a vulvaplasty is? No. It's like plastic surgery on the vagina to make it... Cuter? I don't know. Tighter? Tighter. Cuter. Smoother. vagina to make it um cuter i don't know it's like uh she was it's actually are you getting your dog regularly waxed what's what's

happening i gave her a brazilian a beautiful new pussy are you about to do a bit of a boast like that guy from jen's story because we don't want to fucking hear about it, brother. Yeah, yeah. No, she, my dog was de-sexed very young. When they gave her to us, they had already de-sexed her and she was under a month old and that's bad. So it makes them develop in weird ways or like underdevelop in their like genitals and organs and shit. And so we didn't know that.

And then the vet recently told us that her vagina was underdeveloped and he needed to perform a vulvoplasty to give her like a beautiful, gorgeous, schmick adult vagina. So she had to get an adult vagina because she only had a kid vagina? She just had like a small little, it was just, I don't know. I didn't really ever get a good look at her. Some girls would kill for a small pussy. Yeah.

Some guys would kill for a girl to have a small pussy. Wow, I really hope we put this episode up and all the comments are just people in the know going, that's not a real thing. This is just some rogue vet that Cam went to. Oh, he's unlicensed. And he's trying to just make it good for him because he knows that you're going to bring the dog in regularly. He's like, look, if you're bringing this dog in,

I want a beautiful pussy to look at. I don't want to be looking at dogs' breakfast. He gave her huge tits as well. Yeah, big honkers. Heavy, natural-looking ones. Yeah, big, fat natties. Wow. And so it's so fucked up.

So how is Pammy, your dog, going? Pammy, she's so, oh, my God. It's so gross because I think I've said this last time I was on, but I hate, I was, I got a girl dog because I hate boys dogs dicks so much. I think they're fucking disgusting, gross, red, little shiny things. So I got this little red rocket girl. So I wouldn't have to deal with that. And then now, because she's got like a cone on her head

while she's recovering from the surgery, every day I have to wipe her new pussy. Oh. So every day I have to like get her on her back and spread her legs. Hang on. Hang on. So is this just a long way around of going every day, even not on purpose, I'm getting my dog wet every day.

I'm putting on music. I'm walking around. I'm lighting candles. I'm walking around. I'm getting out of the shower. My dog's seeing me before I towel up and it's just cannot handle it. I make it nice. Carl, don't interrupt him again.

I'm so close. Keep going, Carl. So I have to like, yeah, like get her on her back, spread her legs and then clean her vagina with like a wipe, like an alcohol wipe every single day. I have to look deep into the eye of this new vagina. And I deliberately wanted a girl because I didn't want to have to deal with the dog genitalia. But now it's like my whole life.

It's like twice a day. I'm like, come on. Spreading it and dabbing around. Are the rest of the dogs in the neighborhood sort of giving you the eye every day going, thanks, brother. Thank you. Thank you for your beautiful work.

And so this is just you doing this? It's like not you and your wife taking it in shifts? Yeah, that's a way of two girls to bond. What are you doing jumping in there volunteering for it? Oh, no, no, no, it's cool. It's cool, babe. Don't worry about it. Just don't come in.

Don't come in. Just give us 10 minutes. What's this vet bill for? No, nothing. It was a misprint. I think it got sent to the wrong address. There's no, like, why have you lengthened my dog's vagina? You never told me about this, Cam.

In my mind as well. What's this? No, no, no, it's not us. Like, you saying this, because is it, how big is your dog? Is it like a small dog or like a medium size? Like, what kind of dog is it? She's like a medium size golden retriever. Because in my mind, I was thinking she's like a medium size golden retriever because in my

mind i was thinking it's like a tiny little toy poodle who's just got like flaps dragging on the ground yeah just leaving the worst fucking snail trail behind this adorable fucking dog just no like like one of those dogs that like doesn't have his back legs anymore so it's actually got like a little wagon with wheels on that's it. It's got the flaps trailing behind. Like a beagle's ears. If you were open at the moment and you just had a friend or, God forbid, a relative just randomly pop in while you're doing this operation, thank God you're in lockdown.

This isn't something you'd want to be doing when the world is open. Maybe this is all just an elaborate ploy in the hopes that my wife listens to this podcast so that I can go, see, I talked about it. It was doctored ordered. It was a doctored ordered thing. Oh, right, right, right. Oh, right, right. Is it one of those things where, like, you know,

when we went into lockdown, I got, like, some teeth aligners so that when I could come out, my teeth would be all fixed is this the same thing so when you come out of lockdown all of a sudden your dog's pussy yeah is like the absolute highlight of all the dogs on the on the block so what make the most of being locked down little doggy is that what i can't wait for melbourne comedy festival 2022 and it's you accepting the Barry for your moving work called My Dog's Pussy. Yeah. Some people wrote King Lear. I was

cleaning out my dog's mutt. Thanks everyone. My dog's mutt. My dog's mutt. That's the show title. Yeah. Wolf Mutt. I've got 10 more days of it. And to answer your question, yes, we've been taking it in shifts,

but I'm better at it. So I have been trying. Oh, okay. That's what every guy reckons though. Here we go. Yeah. They all say that. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Like the dog tells me at the end, oh, no, that's clean now. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like the dog tells me at the end, oh, no, that's clean now. Yeah, you can finish now. That's clean. But I don't know. I don't know. I just know. I'm used to working with it.

I'm used to working with the vagina from this angle. I say to her, you don't know. You don't see it from the angle that I see it. Right. Yeah. Anyway, so that's mainly why I'm depressed, I think. It's just dawning on me that maybe I've spent far too long just me alone in a room with my dog's new vagina. It's the most pussy you've ever got, but it's in this detail.

I thought I was ordering too much shit in the lockdown. I wasn't getting an animal. I mean, getting genital reconstructive surgery on it. It's just nice to hear the doorbell go off, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually, yeah, yeah. I've actually run out of things on Amazon. I guess I'm getting this.

Okay. Getting a new bunghole for my parakeet. this okay bunghole for my parakeet to go back to quickly i i i sorry guys we're all having fun but i would like to uh go back to talking about my dad uh being fucked by strange women of course um he he had another one and i think this is a move as a as a like trying to pick up move this was my favorite one that he told me about. He owned a little apartment and this woman that he was friends with that clearly wanted to try it on, she bought an apartment in the same building in order to try it and be close to him.

That is a huge move. That's old school. That's really old school. Honestly, again, being in my 30s and single, I'm like, yeah, is there a single man still in Sydney that has a single apartment next to it? Like, I'll fucking do it. I'll do anything at this point. I'll buy a house.

I'll get into crippling debt if I need to. Would you go to Cam's vet? Yeah. I'll get a big, beautiful pussy if i need to yeah i want this but i want to supersize but the thing is you're in lockdown you live by yourself you don't have anyone to clean it every day for you that's the that's the tragedy do you make eye contact with the dog when it happens that's really personal j happens? That's really personal, Jamie.

That's really personal. Do you have to distract it with like a schmacko or something while you're doing this? Oh, look, she doesn't. Yeah. I'm getting PTSD even just recounting it to you guys. She's not, it's not great. It's not, she doesn't love it.

I don't love it it's just something that has to be done when you say ptsd do you mean pretty tight in my small dick yeah i'm getting pretty tight in my small dick just thinking about it yeah do you do you have to like with dogs like that you know with animals like that generally you've got a reward with them with a with a treat afterwards after you they've gone through that. I don't like where this is going. I really don't like this line of questioning. I can see ahead of you like 3D chess. Do you know what, though?

There's like a story that I'm obsessed with, and I feel like this has come up naturally because, like, I feel like being in lockdown, I've got to create my great, my masterpiece, you know what I mean? I'm like, this is it. Like, I'm going to get up every day, I'm got to create my great, my masterpiece. You know what I mean? I'm like, this is it. I'm going to get up every day. I'm going to work on my masterpiece. Like Cam's doing with his dog.

With his Barry Award winning show, My Dog's Pussy. No, with his dog's Barry Award winning pussy. I love that we're calling it the Barry again, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, shit, what's it called now? If this show wins, they're changing it back to be in honour of Barry Humphries. This feels right. Exactly.

But, um, so... No, no, no, that'd be more like if a male dog got a really good pussy. We'd change it back to the Barry, I think. That's how out of touch I am now. I'm like, it's still called the Barry, right? Anyway. That's what it was called when I won it. But yeah, there's this true story that I'm obsessed with

that I'm like, one day I'll write the award-winning musical that will tour on Broadway about this woman. It's a NASA experiment that happened in the 60s. And this woman basically lived on this tropical island and saw that nasa was setting up like a lab on the island so went over and was like hey what's going on here and they're like we're gonna partially flood this house and let a dolphin live in it and we need like someone to uh watch like basically record what the dolphin does you know this story cameron i know this story because you told me this story about five years ago and i'm still thinking about

it good to know that it's still on your head anyway so she basically nasa at that point very in the 60s doesn't have very stringent like processes for accepting people into their scientific program so like yeah sure if you want to live in this house with this dolphin go ahead and like all you need to do i love nasa getting involved with dolphins yeah who the fuck knew like what they were doing with that dolphin but they were like yeah so every day i think it was like a year a year and a half she lived with this dolphin in this house, right? And like would record like all of its things and stuff and started noticing that the dolphin was getting quite like horny, like its little dolphin dick would come out.

And then so she kind of started taking it upon herself to jerk it off. Yeah, completely. She wasn't asked to do that, right? She was not asked to do that. And? She was not asked to do that. And then she started falling in love with him. Its name is Peter. And she fucked it. She fucked the dolphin.

She actually fucked it? She fucked the dolphin. Well, fucking can be anything, you know, Tommy. Fucking doesn't have to be penetrative. It can be out of course. But I think it did penetrate her, though. True. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Right, right. So because of that, because of NASA watching all of this happen, in some small way, did this help us get on the moon in any way? This is why Elon Musk went to the moon. It's because this woman fucked a dolphin. So, like, I'd like to think that that was secretly

the aim of NASA doing this in the first place. Like, that's why they set the whole thing up. So they're in a control room watching her suck off the dolphin just high-fiving going, boys,

we knew this would happen. Christmas party is going to be off jobs this year. Houston, we have a problem. The dolphin is out bumming this chick has there ever been a statement from nasa talking about this or is it all just like her coming out and being being like talking about it like that's the crazy thing like she's like she's like if you were there you would have understood. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's been 60 years and no one understands me.

It's like no one. Was this like kept up to sleeve? Like if, you know, the first mission to the moon had have crashed and everyone had have died, it would have been like, yeah, but check this out. We got a woman to suck off a dolphin. We are getting shit done here at NASA. We are getting amazing world-changing things happening

here at NASA. You look in at NASA and it's just like all of them gathered around this grade watching this happen live, just rejoicing, just pissing themselves. And then on a monitor on the other side of the room, there's just like a space shuttle just bursting into flames.

The Challenger is exploding on a small monitor nearby. Why won't they help us? You know what happened? You know what happened? They just heard the phrase too many times. How come they can put a man on the moon, but they can't get a woman to suck off the flipper? And they're like, fucking you know what?

Let's do it. They're trying to clear off all the other things on that list that people complain about. Do you know what, though? I actually heard that NASA, not only did they fake the moon landing, but they faked the woman sucking off the dolphin as well. It was actually on a soundstage in California. Kubrick directed it, I think. It was actually a bloke in a wig Fucking a shark

That's what it was You look at the You look at the angle of a dolphin dick There's no way that could go into a human pussy There's just absolutely no way Yeah Fuck I truly did think for like

Maybe a week of my life That the moon landing was fate Because I think I've talked about this before I used to read this like Magazine series That was like one of those ones that would come out first issue would come with a big binder oh yeah yeah to keep all the like to keep all the following i think i got this same magazine explain phenomenon and shit like that what was it yeah it would be i forget what it was called but it was like it would be it would have stuff like about roswell and um and yeah

they had a whole thing on the moon landing being faked and reading it at a very impressionable age and it's sort of having a whole issue on the moon landing being faked, but not really going in like, isn't it crazy that people think this? It was like, here is why people think this. And it was like annotated things of the photo and reading it and going like, yep, it all adds up.

That's literally the experience of a boomer on Facebook now, though. That's literally every time you went to the Freedom March is like them just being like, well, I saw it on Facebook and there's nothing else to contradict it. Can we add this to like in the future when those deals come out in the newsagents where you get the binder and the first issue for like $2.99 and then every other issue is like $10. Can you add that from now on?

Can there be a world where it's like number one, you know, issue one, Loch Ness Monster, issue two, UFOs, issue three, COVID's not real. Are you allowed to put that in that bag from now on? Yeah. When do you think there'll be a time where it's like far enough away from being right in the thick of this to someone being able to put together a compelling list of the evidence that if you were like

too young to have lived through it when it was actually happening, like you could read it and go, yeah, okay, I could kind of understand. It'll take two years. I remember like three years after 9-11 there was some great website that was all about how it's an inside job. And I was reading it at home in Newcastle on my family computer going, yep, makes sense. You can see that there were charges that were set off on the inside of this building if you watch the video in slow motion.

In two years' time, I'll be doing the same thing going, yeah, it was planned. They definitely planned it. Yeah. I love that image, gathering around the Bone family PC and checking out some 9-11 conspiracies. Someone picks up a landline. No, fuck!

Fuck off, I'm reading about 9-11. There's a devil in the clouds. You can see the devil is in the smoke coming out of the building. That's a good reminder, actually, Jen Fricker. You can see the devil is in the smoke coming out of the building. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good reminder, actually, Jen Fricker. Thank you for being part of one of only two people on this podcast using their real last name. Thank you. What do you mean?

I don't feel so lonely. Because we're surrounded by these showbiz types. And we're the real, we're the every man. Yeah, we're doing our families proud. That's what we're doing. We're not ashamed of our lineage, of our heritage, of our family crests. Cameron's real last name, Cameron Bowen. My real last name, of course, Tommy Liberace.

Sorry for deceiving the public. Why did you change that? Why did you change that? Why did you change that? It's actually such a better name Tommy Liberace is such a good name That's sick, yeah I mean it would have It would have made your dad proud I mean I never met your mum

But your dad would have actually been very proud Dad said I was too gay And I was bringing shame to the family So I had to change it. But just to quickly close that up, yeah, so to go back to the woman buying an apartment in my dad's building to try and root him, I was just amazed by that story because it really speaks to what a different time in history where it was like, what property prices were, where it was like, you could afford

to get into the property market just because you want to bust a nut. You know what I mean? I said that to dad. I'm like, God, what a different time it was. And he's like, oh, well, you know, it wasn't just that. It was that, you know, people back weren't just uh eating avocado on toast every fucking day from breakfast i'm like what a what a masterful boomer pivot from check out all these women that were trying to fuck me to people of your generation don't know how to fucking save

money i was like that was you really lured me in beautifully back back back back in the 90s and 2000s i was just like going into chemists and buying things I didn't need because there were like hot girls behind the counter. But I wasn't fucking – I wasn't buying the fruit shop next door to him. Fucking hell. So when your mum came home, Tommy, did he just quickly change his tune and stop talking about all this smut? No, he doubled down.

How's this? He doubles down and he's like, yeah, we were just midway through. And by the way, he'd had one mid-strength beat. That was all it took to get him to go off. Absolutely. Court was in session and he just doubles

down. He's like, oh, I was just telling him about this woman and this woman and mum's just fully bought in. She's like, yeah, God, the things that some people try on, it's just pathetic, isn't it? As if she didn't try and buy a house on the other side of the apartment. Yeah, yeah. Right, right.

I love being that girl too. Oh, I'd never. Oh, I'd never do that. I'm one of the coolest. That'd be great if now you figured out, Tommy, actually, why has there always been this empty house next to our childhood house? that i'm one of them that'd be great if now that'd be great if now you figured out tommy actually why has there always been this empty house next to our childhood house oh that's right because dad bought it 50 years ago to be next door to my mum and to crack onto her yeah or it's like oh no

it's the opposite it's like mum's mum's worked out the game so it's like every house that we ever lived in she's bought the properties either side so that no other hussies can live in. And stake a claim on her man. Your mum's now a property magnate just to make sure your dad's not rooting around. She's on cock block monopoly. That is ultimate girl boss shit, just buying up property. She is gatekeeping the hell out of your dad. Buying up property.

She is gatekeeping the hell out of your dad. Oh, but you know, dating was so much simpler back when we were young. We didn't have your Tinders or any of that. We'd just go out. We'd buy a nice house next door to a door that we liked. Yeah, yeah. We didn't have Tinder. We had LJ Hooker.

Yeah, that's what we had back then. Yeah, now it's like, well, I want to go out for breakfast, but I also want to root this girl who's got a property for lease next to us. Can't do both. Gonna have to go hungry. Can't do both. No avocado for me. Save up.

That's how they invented intermittent fasting, by wanting to root and saving on breakfast. I mean, most people, they splash out on avocado and toast. I've been splashing out on dog vagina for the last six months. I've really got to fucking rein it in. I've been splashing out on you for the sounds of it. Sorry, that's fucking cruel. That was fun. Sorry.

What does this operation run you, if you don't mind me asking? Oh, yes. Ballpark it. Ballpark it. You don't have to say that. How spenny is your dog's moot? Well, it was a $3,000 vagina, basically. Damn.

Okay. Wow. Yeah. But it's not just aesthetics. It's the inside. It's internal. There are reasons for it. It's not just like, so she feels sexy or something like that or it's not just how it feels for you it's

for her yeah yeah three thousand dollars is how much i've spent what is something else that you've spent that much money on like what's yeah um have you ever spent that much money on your wife yeah how much money have you not on your dog? Maybe not since my engagement ring. Maybe the engagement ring is the last thing I spent. Right. That's what they say, isn't it? What should I spend on an engagement ring? Well, it's got to be at least one dog's use. As much as you'd spend on your dog's vagina, at least.

Yeah, so the two most expensive things you've ever bought both fit pretty snugly around your finger. Here we go. Oh, my God. That's crazy. Oh, my dear Lord. That is the Chandler stuff right there. That's the Chandler gold.

But it's the opposite, right? I was led to believe that the new one doesn't fit that snugly. Wasn't that the whole issue? That it was fitting too snugly? All right, all right, all right. Cam's got big fingers. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God.

I know I say this every time, but this podcast has given me COVID. Fucking hell. Yeah. You were saying that three years ago, and we were like, what the fuck are you talking about? I know I say this every time, but this podcast has given me COVID. Fucking hell. You were saying that three years ago and we were like, what the fuck are you talking about? And that's because I was still in the lab cooking it up. And now here we are. Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Very nice. Very nice. Those were good times. What about this? So you guys are in lockdown. We're just out. Now, this is something that my wife did in lockdown which just before we got out of it i was going on my like uh like you know we're in the house all day together she's

working from home i'm working from home we're in the in the house all day i went for a walk last week at like half past six at night so i'm i'm off on my walk by myself. I get about half an hour into the walk, and I get a text from my wife. Now, we've got a cat. We've got one cat. The cat's name's Crunchy. It's got its own vagina.

It's all in working order, I believe. It's your stock standard factory issue. Yeah, yeah. Still in its own box, weirdly enough. Yeah. So we... Still got the tag. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah own box, weirdly enough. Yeah. So we... Still got the tag. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Still got the warranty. Yeah. So I go off on my walk. The cat's name's Crunchy. I go off on my walk. I get a text from my wife. I've got in front of me. It says this.

Crunchy passed away today and I'm like what the fuck I get it like I just get the text and also just the wording of it you've just left the house

you've been out for what like half an hour 15 minutes 30 minutes 30 minutes yep and are you immediately are you immediately

doing an inventory of like did I see the cat today yeah did we bury our cat today? I can't remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But like above all the fact that like our cat's dead, I'm going, she passed away today?

Don't you mean the last half hour? Can't you get a bit more specific? I've been there all day. Don't tell me today. Like it's, whatever's happened is fucking dramatic because it's happened in 30 minutes like is it falling

off the fucking roof what the fuck's going on and also like I'm out on a walk like just wait till I'm back to break the news surely a phone call

this isn't a text message yeah and there's also no emotion in it like it's like it's been fed to the AAP or whatever

like Crunchy passed away today that's it so put a bit of emotion in it like what the fuck it's like it's been fed to the AAP or whatever. Like, Crunchy passed away today. That's it. So I put a bit of emotion in, like, what the fuck? Crunchy's dead. What do we do? Or even, dare I say, give us a phone call.

Get on the blower. At least a couple of emojis at the end there. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. She's passed away from a bit of experimental operation on its pussy. You know, give me some specifics. Like, what the fuck has happened?

Crunchy passed away today, and my response is, and then my response is, what the fuck? And then she says, so sad. What? And I'm like. Okay. And I just respond, Jesus Christ. christ so you don't wait a second you don't call her why didn't you call

so i'm i'm on the phone at this point to be fair i'm on the phone okay this point, to be fair. I'm on the phone. Okay. I'm just getting the text coming in. And you're not ending that call? You're like, yeah, hang on. Brett, just got a text to miss about a dead cat. You know what I'm doing? You know what I'm doing? I'm talking to someone on the phone, and as the texts are rolling in, I'm doing this.

I'm going, what the fuck? My wife just sent me a fucking text that says our cat just passed away. So sad. And now I'm typing, what the fuck? And now she's typing, so sad. What the fuck is wife just sent me a fucking text that says our cat just passed away and now i'm typing what the fuck and now she's typing so sad what the fuck is going on here so so if i'm on the other end of that i'm like anyway i better not keep you yeah yeah but thank you for calling us to ask how we're doing uh We're good. Yeah, yeah. So then the next text I get from her, and no, I go, Jesus Christ. And then the next text I get from her is just a picture, right, of a cat.

That is not our cat. Not our cat. A picture of a cat that looks like our cat, not our cat. Right. And I'm like, what? Hang on, has another cat died? Or is this a glowing tribute to our cat but she just couldn't find a picture of our cat so she just Googled a cat that looked like her?

Is the cat in the picture alive or dead? It's alive. Okay. Yeah, it's sitting up. It's sitting up. Okay. And it looks like our cat. It's the same breed. Okay. And it looks like our cat. It's the same breed as our cat, but it's not our cat.

So it's not your cat and it's not a dead cat? Yes. So this being used as evidence in the text message is just completely irrelevant. What the fuck is going on? Yes. Just against your half an hour of missing your cat's death and you've also forgotten what your cat looks like or what a cat of its breed,

why it looks like. And my wife's gone insane. Our wife couldn't even find one of the one million pictures we have of our cat. So she's just found a random cat on the internet and sent that to us. So then I ring to go, what the fuck is going on?

Oh, this is big. He's ringing. This is big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I finally get enough emotionally invested in the story to end the call to ragging about open mic comedians in Melbourne to go, well, all right, all right, I'm triggered. What's happened to our cat?

So I ring my wife to go, what the fuck is going on? What happened? And she's like, what? I'm like, Crunchy's dead. And she goes, oh not that crunchy like what do you mean not that crunchy she's like oh oh you know how we met another cat called crunchy once and that's where we got the idea for the name crunchy fuck's sake oh my god well that that cat died i'm like what do i fucking care oh my god we saw a cat we saw a cat at someone's house 15 years ago or something and like just went oh yeah that's a cool name that's also the rule for all cats that you've

seen at some point they will all die like you can't be getting a text every time and also like what you know that cat was 15 years ago that's not when it what what comes into my head when i hear the word crunchy now it's the cat that we've had for six years the cat that we feed and play with and pat every single day that To me, that's crunchy number one. That's the old crunchy. That's some other random crunchy. Even in lockdown when you're running out of things to do and things to talk about with the person that you're in lockdown with, even then that story barely warrants a mention.

Oh, yeah. You would have to be like eight weeks in and like, oh, this will give us probably like a minute of convo, I guess. This is worth trotting out that I heard that our friend's cat called Crunchy died. Good on you for not responding, wow, that's crazy. Like, fuck, at that point. Far out. That's all I have.

Yeah. Sad face. Shit, that's crazy. It's really none of your business that this random cat died. She maybe, she could have gotten in touch with you if like nestle decided to stop making crunchy bars i reckon that's yeah i really thought that's what it was gonna end up being info i'd be like oh yeah fuck that sucks we should have had them more yeah yeah right gonna have to get violet crumble now. Fuck. Why are they getting rid of the crunchy?

Are they keeping the crunchy ice cream? Fuck, I hope so. Yeah. That would be dramatic news. Will it still be in favourites like Morrow is? Do you have the kind of relationship with your wife though where like is it at all possible she's just kind of giving you something so then there's a bit of conflict or whatever like a bit of something no no no no

she's she's like because then i ring her and i go what the fuck and she just hasn't really thought that i'm gonna think of like it being like i think she thinks as if our cat will ever die i really think she thinks that so like clearly you'll know yeah yeah yeah that's going to live on forever like we're all going to live forever aren't we apart from this cat we met 15 years ago

so then I when I when I ring her she's like oh yeah no no sorry like the other cat yeah it's fine

you know but like you know it's really sad everyone's sad I'm really sad I'm like you don't need to be really sad again we met the cat once

we have our own one we have our own better one yeah are you are you still like very good like close with this these people who no not at all so that's good so how's that coming up they're just like hey look we just wanted to let you know because we know that you stole our cat's name you might be interested to now to know that's dead. So you now have the only living Crunchy. I hope you're fucking happy. They were a friend of a friend. So we've heard it down through the grapevine. Oh, my God.

So my wife has then pushed back. My wife has now pushed back up the grapevine. Like, sorry to hear that. If it helps at all, we named our cat Crunchy as well. So she's now saying to me, I think they feel a bit better that there's another Crunchy going around out there. I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, that'd be wrapped with that. Because cats are notoriously very rare.

You know what I mean? There's only a few. Yeah. So our family cat died last year year and the way that it was announced to my brother and i was on the family group chat with a picture of it in its grave oh my god my mom just posted a picture of our dead cat she'd put some flowers around it in the hole and was like monkey has finally found his final resting place. And that is the day I left the family group chat.

I was like, I was having lunch. Like I was just out and about and like, I was like, oh, Facebook notification. Here we go. And it was just a picture. Fuck. Was it in a coffin or was it just like in the dirt or? I don't know. It was in the dirt.

Do they have cat coffins? I don't know. That's what i'm wondering uh no i mean they just they just yeah they just buried it in the backyard and put some flowers around it don't you put it in a bag or something you know isn't someone gonna dig that up like another animal at some stage i don't know it's worse than nothing what just like a coles bag i don't know something something just like a roast chicken bag or something. I don't know. Yeah. Oh. Roast chicken bag. Oh, yes.

Cut little holes so its legs hang out so it looks like this. Yeah, it's easy to carry to the grave because it's got that little kind of hook thing in it. Yeah. Just zip lock nice and easy. But I was like, why did you send a picture? Like, surely there were so many steps before this. And she was like well you know sometimes it gives people a lot of peace to like see that's like someone's dead like

but with an open casket funeral there's still like the warning of you're going to a funeral and then someone's like hey come in here come in this room and you go why what's in there just come in yeah yeah what's up i'm wearing black for what's up did did your mom look like make the cat look nice or you know was she presented in a certain way was it just like dumped in a hole well like dumped in the hole i think they put like a little blanket underneath it. And, like, I mean, honestly, I blocked a lot of this out. Yeah, yeah, sure. But there's, like, little flowers around it and stuff.

I mean, it was very, honestly, it was very mum on Facebook kind of aesthetic. Like, flowers, a soft blanket. Yeah. A little picture of a mini in the bottom corner. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. I mean, I still think you need to a mini in the bottom corner. Yeah. Oh, my God. I still think you need to be buried in the ground.

You need something around you. You need, you know, a bag, I think is not too much to ask. A box, something, you know. Yeah. Like humans aren't just chucked in the ground. So, Carl, can I ask, what was the photo of the cat that your wife sent you? What was that? Was that your crunchy?

No, no. Or was that just, oh, don't you remember that was a photo of the other Crunchy when it was alive? Yes, that's what it was. That was the other cat that I met once. Right.

That I saw once. Yeah, that was a picture of that. Yeah. But also, the cat is the same breed as our cat. So, you know, that's what I mean. I was like looking at the cat going, hang on a minute, is this our cat? No, it's not our cat. Right.

But it is the same breed. So, like, I'm thinking, is my wife, has she had a stroke? Does she think this is our cat? Has she just seen a dead cat the same breed as ours i thought it happened yeah i must have uh fucked the shit out of my wife earlier and given her a stroke or something because yeah yeah yeah she's so this is how this is how hard i fucked my wife today she mistook our cat for another one yes thank you very much oh jambles a fucking poop bro yeah yeah yeah i'm a mad brooder it's true all right well uh rest in peace crunchy that's uh

that's really what we wanted to get across on this episode uh gone too soon yeah let's tribute let's uh let's uh dedicate this episode to crunchyy Senior, the original, the OG Crunchy. Crunchy one, yep. Oh, and can we also dedicate it to Cameron's dog's original vagina? Thank you. Yes. Thank you. That's a good point.

Too small, too beautiful for this world. Thank you so much. Thank you. All up there together in pet heaven. That means a lot. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, maybe Crunchy Original was a boy

so he could be up there rooting your cat's pussy in in pet heaven pet paradise so so in in pet heaven

there's like full animals that have died and then there's also disembodied animal vagina yeah yes

I'm picturing like I'm picturing if your dog if your dog's pussy was famous, there'd be like a cartoon in the newspaper of just pearly gates and then just like a small vagina with legs kind of standing there and a little pippy comment. I don't know what it'd be. Come on, Cam.

You know, when you've imagined heaven before, you've thought of disembodied vaginas that you can use. With little angel wings. Yeah, playing a harp. Because there were good pussies here on earth. Oh, fuck. Yes. All right, we'd better wrap it up for another week on the Little Dum Dum Club. Yeah. Oh, fuck. Yes.

All right. We better wrap it up for another week on the Little Dum Dum Club. Cam, James, Jen, Fricka, thank you so much for joining us. Thanks for having us, guys. Thanks for having us. Cam, you've got your podcast, Total Reboot, and Finding Drago. Anything else you care to plug? And the Becky and Cam Hotline. And that's it. Nice. Check all that stuff out. Jen, things you'd care to plug? The Becky and Cam hotline. And that's it.

Nice. Check all that stuff out. Jen, things you'd like to plug. You've got your Netflix podcast, Big Film Buffet. People can check that out. Big Film Buffet. And that's it. That's it.

Just the voice. I'd like to plug Cam's cat's pussy if I'm a good boy when I die one day. Dog's pussy. It's a dog pussy. Guys. Yeah. Fingers crossed. Cat pussy, sorry.

Fingers crossed that the lockdown ends and the borders open and then we can get up there and just all be having our wicked way with Cam's dog's pussy. Guys, we really need you to stay home. Wear a mask when you're outside if you're're in Sydney, and get these numbers down. Get vaccinated, guys. Get vaccinated so that we can all get back to doing the things that we love to do. When we're 80% vaccinated, we get to go overseas and plug Cam's cat.

Jesus Christ. All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, guys. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. And they've done it again. Big call, Bart. I think a call that you can back up there, Tommy. I think they have.

No, very fun. Fun. Fun to talk to. You know, fun episode. And gee, we do a lot for those less fortunate than us. You know, those people stuck up in Sydney. Giving them a little bit of, you know, something to hold on to. That's it.

Two of the greats have deemed it their charity work is on them this week. We just dedicated our hours quite benevolently to them. I had to come back from the pub in order to do the episode. Yeah, they were both messaging us afterwards saying, thanks so much, guys. I mean, that put such a spring in my step that honestly, getting to talk to you guys for an hour, it kind of makes the whole lockdown worthwhile.

Yeah. You know, and that's the sort of stuff that just makes our job worthwhile, getting a response like that. They were like, if we get COVID, we're tempted to go outside and spread it around just so we can have a lockdown and talk to you guys some more. That's how much they appreciated it. Yeah.

And also, yeah, after the ep, we chatted to Jen for a little bit and she was like, oh, I've got to tell you guys this wild story that I should have told on the pod. And we went, oh, why don't you save it and do a little bonus episode with us? And so if you get on our Patreon, that is going to be up this week. So, yeah, there's a little bit of sizzle for you. If you wanted a bit more Jen after that ep, get on to patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub

and you can get two little mini episodes with her coming out very soon. And if you're a fan of loose lips sinking ships, then, yeah, we probably talk a bit too much about stuff we shouldn't talk about on there as well. So get on there and link it to the Daily Mail. Make yourself a big time hot shot. Go for it. But it's behind the paywall, so all you freeloader fucking cunts.

Oh, hey, you know what I haven't checked on for a while, Tommy? We did a bonus episode about the Perth comedy scene. And we got a lot of people from Perth, from the Perth comedy scene, all of a sudden subscribing so they could hear what we were saying about them. I wonder if they hung around. I'm not sure. Oh, yeah. I don't know if they're still there.

It would be great if you're wondering that now and then all the names that come out of the unplanned title alternator in about 10 minutes' time are just all birth comedians that we know. Oh, R. McManus. The funny name? Yeah. Yeah, well, I guess we'll see. I guess we'll see, won't we, Tommy?

We'll find out. Hey, so normally at this juncture we've been doing Talkin' Gibbo. This is, of course, Talkin' Dum Dum. And has Bernie kicked a big one? Oh, yes. Look, he's inside. Bernie's in Sydney at the moment. So he kicked a big one.

Bernie's in Sydney. Bernie didn't quickly get relocated like the AFL when the lockdown was coming in. Stuck in Sydney. Stuck in Sydney. So he's kicked a big one. Unfortunately, he's inside. So it's really – he's pissing off the neighbours at the moment. Every time we do a good episode, the neighbours are just like, keep it down.

Stop kicking big ones down there. Sydney's the last place I thought Bernie would have been. I thought he might be over in Tokyo competing in the – representing Australia in the 100-meter big one. You know, I think we've talked about this before. Have we talked about this before? Like if we had Bernie as our emblem, as our mascot? Yeah, yeah.

Have we talked about that before? Yeah, and then I did the episode one week. I did him like little Mark Knight pig style in the bottom of the episode art. Yeah. That's right. Because all of a sudden I'm more thinking of him like Eddie with Iron Maiden. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know how he's this zombie guy or something?

Yeah. What if he's on the front of our plane that we own that we fly to? Yes. Yes, exactly. That's what we need. We need a bit of that. I want to know what Eddie looks, not Eddie, what Bernie looks like. What Bernie looks like, yeah. In that way.

It would be a good fan art competition to get going on this thing. Just everyone send us your own submissions for what you think Bernie should look like. What do you think Bernie looks like? Yeah, I like that. I like that. Even just description of how you picture Bernie.

When we talk about Bernie kicking the big one, what do you see? Yeah, I picture him basically as a dipper. Oh, do you? Yeah. What do I think? I think I see him as, for some reason I see him as bald. I'm not sure why. Okay.

Yeah. He's a pretty, yeah, it's a pretty bald, pretty bald name. Yeah, it is a little bit. It's a bit middle-aged, like banker name to me. Yeah. So I'm kind of thinking of, you know, like a short guy, a little bit of an overhanging stomach. Mm-hmm. Yeah, a bit thin on top.

Just booting a big one for some reason. Yep. But what do you guys see? Yeah. This is the podcast Rorschach test or whatever the fuck it's called. Yeah. In-plot fucking deal. Yeah.

But as I was asking, so, yeah, we'd usually be doing uh talking gibbo at this junction now i don't know if we have any new gibbo news i don't know if you have any uh any gibbo bon mots to bring up so i was going to suggest that uh in lieu of talking gibbo this week we uh we delve back into what was another long-running segment the uh cancer corner something on here for a little bit. Well, you know, related in some ways. Yeah, in some ways.

Yeah, sure, sure. In a pretty big way, not really related at all. Yes. Yes, that's the problem. But, oh, look, did you finally have the answer to the question, did it hurt? Is this what you're going to bring up now? Yeah, they've made a big scientific breakthrough and they've finally been able answer to the question, did it hurt? Is this what you're going to bring up now? Yeah, they've made a big scientific breakthrough

and they've finally been able to answer the question, does it hurt? Right. No, so on this episode I talked about – I think I mentioned this a couple of weeks ago that I had something for you for Cancer Corner. But on this episode I talked about my parents popping in a little while ago. And I don't know if your parents do this, but my parents love bringing in a full photocopy of a page of a newspaper

that might be of interest to me. And the actual bit of it that's of interest is like, you know, maybe one little paragraph. But they've gone to the photocopier, they've taken a full A3 copy of the page of the newspaper and then they're just bringing that in and just leaving that at my house and it's like, I don't really even give a fuck

about this thing that you thought was meant to be interesting to me. But, so my parents came in and they had a photocopy of a newspaper from May 23rd, 1999 that has a story about me and my childhood cancer. Oh, yes. And so I've got it.

I thought you could read it out because it's actually – I thought you might enjoy reading it out for the listeners of Cancer Corner. So I've got it here scanned. Now, how do you want me to send it to you? Do you want me to email it or Facebook it? Or do you want me to just share screen on here? What's the to email it or Facebook it or do you want me to just share a screen on here? What's the easiest way for you to read it? Okay.

Email, email. Okay. My internet, my wife is currently doing a big meeting, talking to overseas people. So it's, you know, that's using a lot of the juice. Those foreigners, they use up a lot of bandwidth. using a lot of the juice. Those foreigners, they use up a lot of bandwidth. Well, unlike you, Tommy, you've had your first jab of the vaccine.

So I haven't. Mine's been delayed. So I'm still on 3G over here. Well, you know, we were saying this to each other last night. I've only had my first jab. So that really only means I've got 2.5G. So I'm actually... That's good. That means fresh.

Has this sent? I don't know if it's... Yeah, I got it. I got it. I got it. Okay, we're on. We're on. Okay.

So can you see... Who can you see up there in the... It's currently loading. Oh, my Lord. Oh, my Lord. It's pretty slow. Sorry, I got the options of how big I wanted the file to be and I selected actual size, 4 megabytes.

I didn't realize that was going to absolutely throttle the Chandler Home Internet. Yeah. I'll tell you what, I'm tempted to ring up Dodo to complain about how quick my internet is. Yeah. Yep. All right, here we go. Oh, wow.

This is old. For anyone who lives in victoria or melbourne this is this is how you're time stamping it um jeff hook is still doing the political cartoon yep that's why i've included the whole page because there's a uh there's a there's a cartoon jeff on sunday and it's then premiered Jeff Kennett on an exercise bike. And he's saying, I can't help feeling I'm not going anywhere. And on the exercise bike is written ETAG. And then there's two people peering in the window. And they're saying, well, we can't accuse him of rorting his travel allowance.

What the fuck's that mean? Can you remember what any of this was about? ETAG was just like... Had it just launched? Yeah. Yeah, I think. I think that's what it is. And ETAG is obviously tolling highways and whatever.

So whatever. Who gives a fuck about that? There is a letter in the... Look, I've seen the top corner. It says Herald Sun Sunday and a little black and white picture of you and your dog. Yep. And you are being pulled along by your dog while you're on a skateboard.

Yep. I remember the photographer coming to our house and me being very insistent that the dog be in the photo in some way. Oh, really? And he'd be like, oh, I can see a skateboard over there. What if we go out in the street and the dog like pulls you along on the skateboard? And I'm like, I don't think she would like that very much. And him and like my parents having to stand behind the photographer and like call the dog to get her to run and her just nearly choking to death on the force of like pulling this quite chubby little boy along on the skateboard she was not having a fucking fun afternoon with this photoshop and look i would say look this is coming back to um the bell gibson

to talking gibbo where a lot of the talking gibbo sort of stuff was like you know people were suspecting she was this wasn't real because she didn't you know she seemed like so happy-go-lucky and so physically you know very very healthy and attractive and everything like that i mean this this goes back to this all of a sudden there, there's this little fat cunt on a skateboard getting pulled along by his dog. So does he have cancer? I don't know. Well, Khan, if you read the article,

you'll see this is after I've had the transplant and gotten better. Oh, okay. If Geoff Hook had have summed it up for me a bit quicker, I would have known that. But, yeah, now I've got to fucking read the article. I mean, if you want some photos for the socials of me, like on death's door in the hospital bed, weirdly enough, my parents do have a few of them sitting around.

I would very much like that, actually. I actually would really like that. I'm sure I can dig them up, yeah. Can we put on a pic? Actually, you know what? That'd be good. If we could put that on the socials, just one of you on your death's door,

That'd be good. If we could put that on the socials, just one of you on your death's door and just sort of double it up with a pic of Belle Gibson at death's door just to see who's – Oh, yeah, okay. Who wore it better? Cancer, who wore it better? How it started, how it's going, yeah. All right, I'll ask – I'm pretty sure my parents do have, bizarrely enough,

they've got like a photo album of, yeah, photos of me around that time. Sick Tommy photo album. Yeah, me with the shark Greg Norman when he did a visit to – I talked about this not that long ago, but he did a visit to Ward 6 East and it was like this one really is just for the dads in here. It's like no 10-year-old in here gives a fuck about this golf legend yeah yeah absolutely um well should i should i read this out should i read this yeah have a read of it because it's it's it's written it's an editorial is it is that what's happening it seems like it's in the editorial spot uh yeah it's just a little

it just stuck out to me. I thought it was – it's just basically you can kind of predict what it's going to be, but then at the back end of it, it gets a little strange. It's very weirdly written in the back end. Okay, okay. Well, maybe just to warm up to it, I can read one of the letters that's next door to it in the letters page. It goes like this.

The horrific rape of Kosovo women living hell for rape babies, May 16, does not give the moral right to use the morning after pill and abortion to kill the innocent unborn babies involved. It is very true that the sins of the father should not be visited on the children. Brian Harris, Glen Roy. There you go. There's a nice little entree to what we're about to hear next. Bit of a snapshot of what was happening in May 1999.

It was the ETAG, it was me recovering from cancer, and it was the rape of Kosovo babies. So that's really what was going on. And also, yeah, someone going, it doesn't matter if you rape, you still don't get to use the morning after pill. Very good stuff. Yeah.

All right. Saved. Look, the caption for the photo of you, fat little Tommy on his skateboard being pulled along by the long-suffering Thorn, the dog, as he's pulling along this hefty little survivor, is saved. Tom Alsop with Thorn. I have to say, looking at the picture, Tommy,

you're someone as a child that I could not pick that it was you. You're not someone I look at and go, that's classic Tommy. I've got a beautiful little bowl cut there. Yes. That's probably the main thing that's throwing you off. Yeah, a little bit. There's a bit bowl cut there. Yes. That's probably the main thing that's throwing you off. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, there's a bit going on there. Just, you know, you'd be a good one for one of these, you know,

columns in a magazine where it's like, guess which famous podcaster this little chunky fella turned out to be. Oh, right. Yeah, my yearbook photo in Tiger Beat magazine kind of thing. Yes, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Tiger Beat magazine kind of thing. Yes, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we'll put this on the social so that people can see it if they're interested, but yeah.

It's also, for 1999, it's looking more like 1899, the reproduction of the photo. It's pretty rough. Anyway, I guess it is a photocopy of it. It looks like a photocopy of the newspaper. So anyway, look, without further ado, let's help ourselves, reads the subhead. Bleeding constantly and in need of fortnightly transfusions,

Melbourne boy Tom Alsop faced a grim life, well, not too far off there, and premature death until an international search found a saviour in the form of an American student. In faraway Boston, Meredith Niffen had bone marrow compatible with Tom's. Meredith's gift of life through a bone marrow transplant three years ago saved Tom, then nine, from aplastic anemia,

a debilitating illness in which an overproduction of white blood cells killed his red cells. I didn't actually know what that was. So I've learned something there today, what you're actually suffering from. Time had been running out. It's no answer to the question, does it hurt? But, you know, you're learning something. No, I know.

You're building up to it. It's answered a question I didn't ask. I'd rather it answered a question I did ask. But anyway. Time had been running out because no suitable donor could be found in Australia. Matching bone marrow in a small population of such genetic diversity is like finding a needle in a haystack.

Unlike Japan, where there is a big pool of genetically similar people, Australia is made up of a magical ethnic mix. It is one of our society's strengths, but in this case case it created a hurdle Multicultural Australia

However is so accomplished at overcoming problems It is only a matter of time before a weakness Is obliterated by the power of people Determined to make life Better for children How's that for kind of a Very strange sort of Swipe of Japan

Just like Seems to be Making a case for how it's like bad that Australia is such a multicultural place. Yeah, and not only that, not only that, look at fat little Tommy Alsop with his dog pulling him along. He's saved from cancer. Anyway, did you hear everyone from Japan looks the same? Jesus.

Yeah, really, really strange. I mean, this is in the Herald Sun, so it's like they just couldn't help themselves. It's like the one bit of good that they could be doing and they've still got to get xenophobia in the mix somehow. I'm surprised they couldn't work the Kosovo rape babies into this editorial somehow. Jesus, wow. Okay.

Yeah. So dad brought that around to be like, oh, hey, remember this is you in the paper. And it's like me just really loving the wrong bit of it. It's like, this is a, this is the most, one of the most bizarrely written, like feel good, like, you know, success, you know, transplant stories I've ever read. Like, why, why do do we why do we have to be bringing like multiculturality cultural stuff into it and and and it kicks on it does kick on we won't go on with it because it doesn't get any much different but there is oh no you've yeah

that's just like a call to arms for like um you know get on the get on the registry if you can there's just there's several words within the rest of it that you don't see a lot these days which is non australians of non-anglo backgrounds gets around um as uh ethnic newspapers the term ethnic newspapers gets around. Yeah. Yeah, God. And Victoria's ethnic press. Yeah, really. Ethnic's one of my favourite words of like the dates, you know, where that's coming from. Ethnic, a word that everyone was like back then, okay, well, that's the word for it.

And now it's very much like, yeah, that's a bad word. That's actually not great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And ethnic being able to be used as this like umbrella term for just literally anything that's not white. It's just it doesn't matter where else in the world they're from. If they weren't born in Australia, they're ethnic. It's a funny – I find it funny.

I don't know how offensive it is nowadays, but it's a very – to me, it's like oriental a weirdly quaint um hopefully not too like uh offensive but to me just time stamps someone someone dancing around something back in the day i think i don't i think oriental in and of itself perhaps isn't offensive but i think a person who you're talking to genuinely using it, it's more the concern would be something offensive is about to be said. Yeah, yeah. So it'd be someone talking to you and being like,

now as an Oriental, which you would go, I'm not offended by this term, but I know that this question following up that phrase is going to be crook as hell. Yeah. Oh, look, it's – well, to me, I would say it slightly differently. I would say it more like, you know, as you get older, you get stuck in your ways and things like that. Like, it's the same as, like, when people would say – and I'm guilty of this – people would say, oh, you know, I'm just going to go down to Safeways. And it's like, well, it's not – here in Melbourne, it's not called Safeway anymore.

It's called Woolworths. And it's just that thing of, like, oh, well, you know, I'm just going to go down to Safeways. And it's like, well, it's not – here in Melbourne, it's not called Safeway anymore. It's called Woolworths. And it's just that thing of like, oh, well, you know what I mean. You know what I mean. And it's like that. There's a lot of people that are still out there going, you know, you know, ethnic people. It's like, yeah, we don't say that anymore. It's like, well, Safeway, Woolworths, ethnic, whatever, you know,

you know what I mean. So it's not an on-purpose like, fuck you. It's just a weird, you know, I can't be bothered learning the new word for this. Bygone era. I'm 60. It's too late for me to change. Who cares anyway? Yeah.

Yeah. I haven't seen an ethnic for years anyway. Right. Yeah. Well, that's great. Yeah, I don't think I've ever appeared in the Sunday Herald Sun, so you're one up on me already. Yeah, there's a bit of visual,

a bit of show and tell for Cancer Corner this week. 22 years ago, Tommy. Unbelievable. Seems like only yesterday I was reading about fat little Tommy being pulled along by his dog. But here we are. Celebrating the 22nd anniversary. RIP to that dog as well. The family dog.

Oh, he's not a 23-year-old dog still running around? Nah, she gone. She dead. Okay. She dead. Sorry. She dead. Sorry to hear. Sorry to hear about that, mate. Well.

Well, yeah, okay. I was watching Belle Gibson on 60 Minutes this week on YouTube. I was very much enjoying her getting absolutely grilled by whoever the interviewer is again but um sure no it wasn't grimshaw it was uh tara brown that's who it was okay yep yep doing a doing a very tidy little job in you know look you know you're watching it and she's absolutely telling her up and you're going okay is she to neck herself after this or what? Yeah. Yeah.

You watch at the start and you're like, yeah, get her. And then by the end you're like, yeah, I reckon you might kill her here. Right. Yeah. It's a bit of a roller coaster. That's the fear when you know that someone is just talking absolute bullshit and it's like, well, I think people have a bit of a fear of confronting genuinely pathological liars head-on because you just don't know you just don't know what they're

going to do if you corner them with hard facts it's like they could just go insane you could witness a full-on meltdown so good look she really she went to went to hard, but thank goodness she is such a psychopath and she didn't really take any of it in and she's still going today. She's still even more healthy than what she was. She's not even burdened down by any fake illnesses these days. That's how healthy she is. You know what I think when I see this story? I think girl boss. That's real. That is how healthy she is. You know what I think when I see this story? I think girl boss.

That's real. That is the girl boss mindset. I don't know if I've ever said that before in relation to Belle Gibson specifically, but, you know, she might be the epitome of the girl boss. Being cornered by the media, being told that you're wrong and that you're a liar and that you should be ashamed of yourself and going, no, my dream is to work at the African church. I'm not going to let anyone stop me. I just realized I didn't have the Zoom window on for a long time. I was just looking at a picture

of Bell Gibson for the last 10 minutes for some reason. I was like, why am I not feeling that good at the moment? I was like, I've just been staring at Bell Gibson for 10 minutes. Good stuff. Quick update. What we talked about last time about we had a listener that knew where she lives. We asked for permission to know about the address and we got a big negative. So, yeah. Yeah, we were going to go to a visit.

We were going to do a drive-by and get a photo out the front, but we were. Yeah. Yeah. Kiboshed. So we were going to go to a visit. We were going to do a drive-by and get a photo out the front, but we were – Yeah. Yeah. Kiboshed. So we're going to have to – If anyone knows where she lives, let us know. If anyone else has got any leads that we can track down, that would be great.

Yeah. All right. Let's close up talking Gibbo for another week. Yeah. All right. And let's get into thanking our Patreon subscribers. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub if you would like to get two bonus episodes every week.

They're always a lot of fun. We have great guests on them. People really enjoy them. We get a bit more loose-lipped, as we were mentioning before, so check them out. But also, more importantly, you go into the draw to get your name read out in this segment of Talking Dum Dum.

And we have the unplanned title alternator, which keeps things fair. It spits out a random number of names every week. We never know how many there's going to be, and we never know what names they're going to be. So, yeah. What do you say we fire it up? Let's get it happening, Tommy. All right.

I've hit the big red button and we've shot out a name already. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber number one. First cab off the rank this week. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Nicola Holliday. Nicola Holliday. That's right, Tommy. What do you think about that? Not too many of them going around at the moment.

Bit of an offensive name to be hearing in the middle of lockdowns and a global pandemic, grounding air travel, being reminded of the concept of a holiday. Come on, mate. Your bloody whole life's been a holiday, mate. Come on. Come on. Come on. Fuck it. How many days have you worked down the mind, hey?

None. Come on. God, what sort of a life do you lead with a name like holiday, hey? How many angles do you cop of that? How many times do people go at you with a name like that? You just get to like, anytime you see them at Christmas, you just point all around and go, this is you. This is you right now.

Well, I imagine it's more like if you're going, if you're actually going on a holiday, if you're going in like an international trip and the person at like passport control or whatever just looking at the surname and being like, all right, this isn't bad, is it? You're doing a bit of this. Yeah, they're going, hey, thank you. Thank you for your ancestors' work.

Before they came along and invented the holiday we all had to just work non-stop so thank you to your great great great great grandpappy for finally coming up with the idea of how about we don't work all the time yeah so what were they doing in the in the in the um you know the family surname thing being the profession. What are they doing? They're just sitting around doing nothing. They're just like, everyone else is like, can you help us like build a wall in this village? And they're like, no.

Yeah, yeah. They were all working in the mines. And then this bloke, Billy Holiday, that was his name, I assume, and he just sits down and they come back and the next day he's just sitting down again. They're like, aren't you going to help? And he's like, nah. And they go, fuck, he's onto something here. Yeah.

Yeah. And they've just gone, they've gone, oh, and then they've seen someone else try it and they go, what are you doing? Fucking doing a holiday, eh? Eh? And they're like, yeah. And it's actually, that's how it got invented.

They just were hanging shit on a guy who was doing nothing, and that's how the holiday was invented. A key, isn't a key element of the holiday is that you go to another location. So, I guess. Yeah. I mean, it doesn't even have to be too far away. He's just down the road. Yeah. I mean, it doesn't even have to be too far away. He's just down the road. Yeah.

So they go find him and he's just like, yeah, he's just on a bench. Well, maybe they hassled him so much. They were like, why aren't you fucking at work? Why are you pulling such a holiday? And they bullied him so much that he took off. And they're like, fuck, where's he gone? And he was just down the road and they're like, fuck, this is a holiday. This is a fucking extension of this invention that he's come up with.

Yeah. That was it. He was just trying to get away from his workplace. Not only for a break, just to stop getting shit hung on him. Yes, yes. Because holidays, yeah, so it's the vacate. Well, yeah, it depends what country you're in because here in Australia we use it in place of the term vacation, which is what they use in the States,

because holidays are like, yeah, just Christmas and shit. Right. So just a break. Right. Yeah. So, yeah, maybe we can have this, maybe we can get deeper into the actual travel aspect of it if we ever get a subscription from Nicola Vacation.

Right. Nicola's American cousin. Yeah. National Lampoon's Nicola Holiday. Yeah. There you go. Yeah. That's good.

Well, thanks, Nicola. And we've met Nicola before as well. She was working at a place I was working for a while. Yes. Yeah, she used to have her own little holiday from her job and come in and talk to me about the podcast. Well, she's duty-bound by having the surname. Yeah, that's it.

She just – anytime someone was like, aren't you doing your job properly? Like, what are you doing? And she just pulls out the driver's license and goes, does that fucking cover everything? Yeah. Thanks, Nicola. Thanks, Nicola. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber, James Jarman. Okay. JJ. James Jarman.

Okay. JJ. JJ Jarman. I don't mind that. The Big Jarman. Yeah, right. Okay. Just someone that, again, going through the ancestors trick of this is how you get your surname from what you used to do.

This person just used to carry around a lot of jam. Jam? Yeah, jam, marmalade, Vegemite. What's your favorite thing that comes in a jar? My favorite? Yeah. I would have to say. What's the best jar item? I'm not a big jar man. Unlike James. Unlike this guy. Yeah. I would have to say, I'm not a big jar man, unlike James.

Unlike this guy, yeah. No. You know what? I had something in a jar just before for lunch. I had – I'm not one for condiments and spreads and things like that in a jar. I was at a Thai restaurant and I had a Thai milk tea in a jar. Served in a jar? Yeah, that's what I had.

Well, that's very Melbourne, isn't it? That's like a big thing that people love to comment on, the cocktail bar where you get served out of an old jar. It's also big like share house. You know, you go to someone's house, they don't have proper glasses. Also big like share house. You know, you go to someone's house, they don't have proper glasses. You drink in your cup of Coke out of an old, you know, out of an old Coddy's raspberry spread jar.

Yuck. I hate that. Yeah. No good. No good. No. I fucking hate that. My favorite jar item, probably a good pickle. Okay.

Good jar of pickles that just sits there In the fridge For fucking All of eternity Don't mind that I I stay away I have to say It just reminded me I remember we had You know you have

Like your variety Of different glassware You know Very It's a weird thing If you went to someone Someone's house And they just had

17 identical glasses You've always got A bit of mix and match Happening Yep Yep You break You get the set You break like two Then you sort of someone's house and they just had 17 identical glasses. You've always got a bit of mix and match happening. Yeah, yeah. You get the set, you break like two, then you're sort of replacing them sort of one by one and yeah. Yeah, yeah.

We had, you know, you have your favourite glasses. There was one, that was the one I always tried to avoid was mum had given up one day and just put a vegemite jar as a glass you know and i'm like no that's not for me i'm better than that yeah that was uh that was most of my childhood and trying to make sure i didn't end up with the vegemite with the vegemite as a glass yeah yeah like i'm destined for better things than this yeah you got the little kind of um bumps on the on the lip which uh I don't mind it too much, I've got to say, just as a point of difference.

It's like drinking out of a jar. It's like, I don't know. How did you feel about it today? Did it bring back the childhood memories of trying to… No, no. It was a bit more hipster today. It wasn't just like… That was a shit cup.

This is like a bit more on purpose. But you know what? Now, I'm trying to remember the context of this, but someone, I don't know what we were talking about last week. I think it was in response to something we talked about last week. A listener put up a picture of like going, this is my beer fridge at home or this is my fridge at home. And I don't know whether it was in their like man cave or whatever it was but they had a bar fridge and it was it wasn't just like stuff

all over the joint it was like here's seven cans of melbourne bitter in a row here's seven cans of creaming soda in a row right here has seven Sprites in a row. He has seven Fosters in a row. He set up his own home fridge like a shop, which I was extremely impressed by. That does look pretty cool, yeah. Everything he'd done with his fridge looked like he was going into a 7-Eleven.

I was like, this is the fucking best. I love this. Yeah, that's pretty good. I can't, yeah, I don't know what that was in relation to either, but.

Yeah. You'd need to have like a, you would, if you were doing that, you would have like the mini bar fridge and you would get inside the inner window,

the little curtain like they have at Family Mart in Thailand. They just pull down before like 2pm. From 2 till 4. Yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll tell you my favourite glass. I've actually got it right here. I've got this pint glass from the night after the lockdown ended last year. I went to the pub with some friends and we just got fucked and then went back to my then house, to the masturbatorium,

and we were all in my living room and I looked around and my friend was just drinking out of this pint glass and I said, did you just take that with you in the Uber from the pub? And she's like, I don't remember. I'm like, well, I mean, the answer's yes. Like, I know you can't remember it happening, but like definitely. So it's like a beautiful reminder of what things were like when we came back to life after the lockdown

and had forgotten all of our limits and just fucking all lost our minds but i feel like i don't know yeah you know it's bad to steal from a venue and it's like annoying for them but i don't know having a having a having a pint glass that you've that you've racked from a venue it's a bit of a badge of honor i think having that in the mix in the drinks cupboard. I do like a hefty receptacle. That's it. I mean, if you're pouring yourself a glass in summer, a big fucking pint is just what you want. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't want to have to, you know, I've poured myself a drink. I don't want to sit down and have to get up two minutes later. Give me something virgin on a bucket. You know, if I don't want too much in it, I don't have to put too much in it. Yeah, buying a pint glass from an Ikea feels a bit sad because it's a bit like I love drinking so much that when I drink at home, I want to drink out of the exact glass that I have at the pub. But acquiring it by having stolen it from the pub, all of a sudden having it is cool.

The difference in purchasing versus racking is just like, this changes the glass. Yeah, and also, like, you're getting a pint glass at Ikea, it's like, well,

you're sort of getting pints at the pub to save a bit of money, really. Yeah. You know, instead of buying multiple schooners

or pots or whatever it is. So, if you're at home, who gives a fuck? Yeah. Go back to the fridge again, whatever.

Transferring a beer from a bottle into a pint glass is like, pointless, because it's not going to fill the whole thing up. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. Well, thanks, Jarman. Thanks, Jarman. JJ. Jimmy Jarman. The great Jimmy Jarman. That is – that's one hell of a name.

Yeah. Jimmy Jarman. If we ever meet you, James, can you simply come up and go hi shake my hand and as you as we're shaking hands look into my eyes and go hi i'm jimmy jar man i would love that i'd really appreciate that i bet that by the time that happens you will forget that you've said this and will be greeted with a swift, what cunt? Well, even if I forget this is what I've said, anyone coming up to me saying,

hi, I'm Jimmy Jarman, will at least make me laugh. That's true. I won't know what it's about, but I will think that's a funny thing to say. Yeah. I'll probably repeat this same riff that we just said.

I'll start going on about fucking Vegemite glasses from when I was 8 years old So yeah get ready Get ready Jimmy Thanks Jimmy Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Heather Johnston Hmm What do you think

Sorry Hungry Jacks Okay that makes sense Hmm. H-J. What do you think? Sorry? H-J. Hungry Jacks. Hungry Jacks. Right. Okay. Right. Okay.

That makes sense. It doesn't explain why my dick is so hard, but yeah, sure. Okay. Heather. What do you think about that for a name? Good name. You like it? Yeah, I like it.

You don't really – I can't – I don't know if I've ever met any Heathers. I was about to ask that. Have you met a Heather? It's a name that feels like maybe it's gone a bit out of vogue, but I can't really think of any good reason why. It's not like a name that sounds like a particularly old person name or anything like that. Yeah. I can see Heather having a little comeback nice little name yeah and you know there's a bit of um coolness attached to it because um it is you know you've got your uh

you've got your movie heathers yep um so everyone looks back at that and sort of goes yeah great great movie also this this there's something about we haven't talked about this for a long time but it really says something about our previous management and how good they were the one time me and you have had management for a short time it really says something about how good they were, that the person we directly dealt with all of the time for that management's name was Heather. And you don't think you've ever met someone called Heather. You have no memory of that. That's a good point.

It's someone that was supposed to be the person relaying the jobs that we were getting to us. And you have no memory of ever meeting them or talking to them. Well, yeah, I mean, I think it speaks, yeah, I mean, I don't think I ever did meet them. No, didn't you once get a phone call, I don't know, was it from her or from someone else? Didn't you once, I always, you know, we found this funny. I think you famously said that you were contacted by them once ever and then you answer the phone and they said,

and you're like, here comes the job and they go, hey Tommy, do you know where Carl is? He's not answering his phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was, yeah, that was one. Yeah, definitely. And to be fair, they're only looking for me so they could get me to give another one of their clients

some work off me or something. So they weren't looking for me to give me a job or anything. Yeah, yeah. No, that was a great time in our lives. Our fantasy ex-manager, I believe we referred to them as on this podcast before. Who's actually gotten you more good stuff since we left than before, than when we were with them.

Pretty true. Yeah. Not unfair at all. Yeah. So, yeah, leaving that management was the real shot in the arm that my career needed. Yeah. What about – what ever happened to Heather Graham?

Heather Graham was everywhere for a hot minute. And how come she just randomly like stopped being in things? Is this, I'm going to Google this just in case there's like a horrific story that's the reason. No, no, no, no. I've Googled her plenty of times over the years. I know what's going on with her. You know, I'm sad, you know, look, it's just a thing that happens in Hollywood of people of a certain vintage. She's 50 years old, I believe. So there's not, there's just a thing that happens in Hollywood of people of a certain vintage. She's 50 years old, I believe.

So there's not heaps of roles being written for the super hot chick that's now 50. Oh, but I mean, not even like now, but even like long before this. Since Hangover. There was that big boom and then it just like, oh yeah, she was in The Hangover, that's right. Yeah, okay, all right, all right. Yeah, there was that. Okay.

Yeah. One of the all-timers in my opinion. Pete Keather Graham was, yeah, absolutely floated my boat, I would have to admit. You like a bit of, you like a bit of Roller Girl? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep. She's just doing a lot of independent films.

Okay. Her dolled up in the Austin Powers movie. Very visually appealing work happening there. Very good looking young lady. And very pretty lady still today at age 50. Give it up. But yeah, I have to be, I should organise a top 10 of all time one time. The Carl Chandler approved list of Hollywood hotties of all time.

Oh, right. Okay. Heather Graham's on there? Heather Graham would be there and thereabouts, that's for sure. You know? Depends how you manoeuvre the list. Like, you know, Pammy. Does Pammy count as a Hollywood hottie?

You know, she's not really in movies that much. I guess you just... I think you'd class TV as Hollywood still, though, like showbiz, Hollywood. Showbiz. I mean, for you to be writing a top ten list of people you find hot and not have Pammy on there is absurd. It does sound crazy, doesn't it?

Yeah. All right, well, thanks, Heather. crazy, doesn't it? Yeah. All right. Well, thanks, Heather. Thanks, ex-manager Heather. Yep. Thanks, Heather Johnston. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Nick Atchison. Atchison?

Not Hatchison, but Atchison. What the fuck? Yeah, I don't know either. A-T-C-H-I-S-O-N. No. Any idea? No. Should I try again?

Atchison. No. Atchison. This sounds like it's one of those kind of joke things where you're meant to go like... It's like, you know, the end of it would be you going, oh, right back at you, son. Oh, yeah.

You know, like saying ligma and then, you know, ligma balls, like that kind of thing. Oh. It sounds like not a... It sounds like a... It sounds like we're being pranked. I don't think that we're being pranked. I don't think that we're being pranked. I don't think that's literally happening.

I think that it's just more like that speaks to the low quality of the name, that that's the sort of thing that it sounds like. You think he's being pranked instead? Yeah. Yep. Yep. I think his parents have, yeah, set him up to just really have a shit one. All right. I am. I've looked him up to just really have a shit one. All right.

I have looked him up. You're doing a Facebook stalk? Just making sure I know that there's someone actually in the world with this actual name. This actual name. Yeah, actual name. Yeah, look, there's a Nick Atchison from Melbourne, which I presume would be our Nick.

You'd have to presume. Yep. And look, his profile pic is out somewhere with a friend of his. And then his, what do you call the background, like on Facebook? You've got your profile pic and then the background pic. What do you call that? Oh, the, yeah, what is that called? The cover photo?

Cover photo, yeah, that sounds about right. His cover photo is, look, I might be wrong, but it looks a little Southeast Asian. It looks like he's on a boat and there's a few little islands and stuff and it's ringing a few bells for me personally. It's triggering me.

So Nick Atchison, let me know if you are where I think you are in that pic. And yeah, look, confirmed. I've just gone into the Patreon Millionaires group. That's our boy. That's him. What's he been posting?

He's a silent member. There's no... Oh, love it. He hasn't posted anything yet. So no wonder we've never come across this fella. He's not in there posting cringe. No. He's not shit posting in our group.

He's not. He's just lurking. Very nice. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to see if he's in our other Facebook group. Okay. The people are aware of. Yep.

If he's very, very active in there, that would be very funny. Because, you know, some of the people are getting the rarefied air of the millionaires group, of the Patreon group. And then they go, hmm, people aware of Little Dum Dum Club group. They're sort of lowlifes to us, to us cashed up Patreon subscribers. And guess what? Nick Atchison is one of these snobs. Wow.

Too good for the people aware of the Little Dum Dum Club group. Not out there with the common man. No, no. I love it. Just in the rarefied air over the road on the 20th floor. Great work. I was wrong about you. I'm taking back everything I said about the name.

I absolutely had you pegged wrong. Yeah. Nicky, I got the feeling Nick Axterson, he's up at the snow fields. He's up at Mount Buller on the weekend. And then during the week, he's, you know, hoi polloing around in the Millionaires Club of the Little Dublin Club Patreon group. Just all the finer things in life for him.

Yep. Absolutely. Well, good for him. And this could be, hey, this could be you. If you're listening, if you're not a Patreon subscriber, if you're looking around the Aware group and you're thinking, God, it's just riffraff in here. Well, you could have a better life. Yeah. wear group and you're thinking god it's just riffraff in here well you could have a better life yeah you could just think you get that promotion at work yeah and then you get home and you go honey good news i've made assistant manager i get to be a different facebook group

yeah she goes does that mean what i think it means is you and you say absolutely and you go log on straight onto the laptop yep leave group Leave group, people are wherever, Little Dumb Dumb Club. Apply for group, Little Dumb Dumb Club millionaire group. That would be funny if we made that a new condition of entry into the millionaire group. You have to A, subscribe to the Patreon and B, send us a screenshot of you having left the people away group. Yeah, yeah.

And also leave a post in there like it's your last day at work and you have to farewell. Either you make a note that's like, oh, it's been great in here and I've made friends and you and you and you, you've missed and you helped me out and that meme that you posted, that was great, or you just absolutely burn your bridges and you just fuck cunts up on the way out. Because even if you're not doing that, leaving drinks at a job where everyone knows that the person is leaving for a better job,

it's like there's always a simmering of just resentment there of just like, oh, yeah, celebrating everything you did here. Fucking good one. Just leaving us behind at this shithole so you can go somewhere better. Nah, fucking great. So do a little bit of that yeah yeah take not not not even not doing that thing where it's like oh yeah i mean i know i've gone to this good job but i'll i'll come back and we'll have lunch one day i'll come and check in it's like fucking absolutely not no way yep no i'm taking this job off my resume. Fuck this job. Yeah, exactly.

Yep. If I see any of you in the street, I'm going to pretend that I do not know you. Yep. Yep. All right. I'm going to put on a different voice. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, thanks, Nick. Thanks, Nick. Good to have you aboard. Good to have you up in the, being a real one percenter. That's it. Good for you. The ivory towers of Facebook. Yeah. But feel free use this as an ad for the for the patreon to sign up for the episodes the bonus episodes

so you just get to to put everyone on blasting the aware group on your way out when you get into fucking the the millionaires club yeah um all right well i've uh i gotta go and pick up my child so I better go we've probably got time for one more oh okay alright fifth one for this week fifth and final one for this week thank you very much to Patience and Subscribe

oh okay this is weird this is yeah this is a weird one this is this reminds me of what you were saying earlier on, Tommy, of what we were talking about earlier on, right at the start. Of what? You know, talking to Dom-Dom, we were talking about how something might come up a bit later. I don't think we were doing that.

We weren't specifically – it's pretty rare to have a conversation and then mid-conversation go, boy, it would be weird if something that we're talking about now came up in 45 minutes' time, wouldn't it? But didn't we do that? Didn't we kind of hint at that earlier on? Didn't we? I mean, if we did, it's gone from my memory. If you were hypothetically asking me to fill you in on what the topic was going to be,

then, you know, it's gone. I was really hoping you had it, Tommy. It's gone. Fuck! I mean, we did Cancer Corner. We talked about... God, there was something. Yeah, I don't know. We've talked about I don't know we've talked about lots of stuff

but I mean what's any of this got to do with just reading a name out in front of you it's just you know coincidences are just

funny that's all so I just thought people would like it if they remember but you're looking at the name and you don't even seem to know

if it's a coincidence or not yet so what do you mean I know it sounds like that don't even seem to know if it's a coincidence or not yet. So what do you mean coincidence is a fun? I know, it sounds like that, but it just rings a bell. It reminds me faintly of something we talked about earlier on. Well, just read it. But just read it and then I can tell you whether or not it's something we talked about. I really don't think that's the way to do things.

I really think that wouldn't work as well. I can't think of any other way. I can't think of any other way to do things. Because what's the alternative? This? This isn't good. This isn't the way to do things. Let what's the alternative? This? This isn't good. This isn't the way to do things. Let's just say there is no alternative.

Let's say that this is the only way to do things. Right. I really, you know, I just don't think people would appreciate the coincidence as much if I just blurted my side of it out first and then we travelled back to the, I think it would be funny. You know, comedy is all about timing and about the order of things. I think it would be better if we heard about the other thing first and then we heard this bit second.

Comedy really is about timing. You're right. Yeah. You're right. Yeah, lucky this isn't comedy. All right. Okay. All right.

Well, forget about it. You know, look, I don't remember – I'm sure this ties back to something. alright ok alright well forget about it you know look I don't remember I don't remember I'm sure this ties back to something I just can't remember what it is

but anyway look let's just let's just read out the last name anyway ok thank you very much to Patron and Subscriber Comedy Vacation

thanks thanks Comedy Vacation thanks Comedy Vacation wow we've certainly been on one of them for the last 55 minutes. Thanks for supporting the show.

Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub if you want to sign up. Get the bonus episodes every week. Get the back catalogue of episodes. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for tickets to the shows that we have coming up. If you're in Brisbane, like we said, keep your arm on the socials and your email and we will be in touch when we work out what we can do in regards to that show. Thank you very much for listening, everyone.

Also, just before we back out, let's just mention quickly, because it's coming quicker than I thought, but we do have the big Palais show as part of the Great Australian Podcast Festival in early November. So I just realised that like yesterday. I went, fuck, that's only like

three months away. So that's an actual thing to keep in mind. Yeah. So get tickets to that. It's going to be a lot of fun. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time.

See you, mates.