The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 568 - Aaron Chen & Danielle Walker

Episode Date: August 18, 2021

It's the return of AARON CHEN and DANIELLE WALKER! Chenny's shaved his head so we grill him on his mental health before getting into Chandler's huge night after copping his first vaccine dose. Tommy's finally fixing his terrible internet connection and perving on his neighbours, Danielle's relatives have some interesting thoughts on the pandemic, we get a sneak peek at her grandad's autobiography and we find out if Blanket is a child prodigy. PLUS The Bad Impressionist is staging a comeback for One Day Only and the Phunny Phellas have a great listener-submitted new sketch idea! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Aaron Chen and Danielle Walker. We have some tour dates on sale at the website littledumbdumbclub.com. Check that out. Keep your eye across all our social media accounts for updates on when we're able to move around and when we're able to do stuff. You'll be the first people to hear about it through those channels. You can also get some merch on our website and you can find a link to our Patreon where you can get two bonus mini episodes every week they've been very fun lately they've always got good guests on them they've been very libelous lately haven't they carl they certainly have um yeah that's why we need more of you to to sign up because we've been sued non-stop the last couple weeks so

yeah if you can pitch into our legal fund, that would be much appreciated. Absolutely. So, yeah, get on there. Sign on to all that stuff. We'll talk to you more at the end of the episode about all this kind of stuff. But until then, enjoy this great new one with Aaron Chen and Danielle Walker. Hey, ladies. Hey, mates.

Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. And with me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads. And joining us today, we have two very special guests. Please welcome back into the show, Danielle Walker and Aaron Chen Hello Happy to be here

Yay Aaron Chen with a freshly shaved head Nice to see a bit more bald representation on this show We love to see it The Chromedomes out there have been crying out for another one of us to join the ranks Welcome brother brother really good stuff chenny last night you told me i was talking to you and you said i shaved my head i said how you've been going in lockdown and you said i shaved my head and i just thought you were like

hanging shit on the people out there that lose their minds in lockdown and shave their head i'm like ah yeah good one yeah i dyed my hair yeah i'm a fuckhead too ha ha ha ha it's like oh no i've and now i realize you have lost your mind. So sorry about that from last night. Yeah, don't make fun of mental health. No, I did shave my head. It's liberating. It's a good feeling, Tommy.

Don't you reckon? Not really. I mean, looking at you, because you're on, as we're recording this, you're on the TV tonight and seeing the promo pics for it. You got that beautiful, you got that beautiful. Aaron, I don't even want to tell you what I would do to have a TV tonight and seeing the promo pics for it. You got that beautiful... Aaron, I don't even want to tell you what I would do to have a head of hair like yours. It fucking hurts to see, honestly. That's what you have on TV.

I'll tell you what I did to have a head of hair like yours. I just shaved it. Yeah, but you're a tourist, mate. I've got to do this forever. I've got to use the home clippers forever, clogging up the sink, then it's like down the back of your neck for the rest of the day. God, it is fucking awful. Sorry, Danielle, you've also shaved your head, we should point out.

We've got Sinead O'Connor in the bottom left window. Yeah, it's really good. What is it about improving your mental health like that why is all the craziness in people's hair why is it that easy just to get rid of it hey just shave your head and then it's and then boom it's all gone you're all good again is it is it that people are all good i think they're temporarily like good because yeah no i don't believe it at all it's not like the psychologist prescribing you to shave your head. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's the reason why this is psychologists and not just a barber. Yeah, I understand that. It's interesting, though, like why does the human brain, because we saw it so much in the last year, in adverse conditions, why does the human brain make you go, I've got to fuck with my appearance in some way? You see it on a small scale like in a breakup, but like, yeah, when the chips are down, human beings are compelled to just fuck

with their appearance in some way. What is it? Why are we driven to that? Did it start with Brittany or was she just part of what it's been like since man began? Is it just because you're at home more and there's mirrors at home, like you're more likely to see yourself in a mirror and you just decide to change stuff?

Yeah, right. So it's like I can't change the environment, but I can change what I'm seeing on the reflective surfaces of this house. Also, I like how we're discussing why Chennie did what he did without actually asking him. Did you feel better after you did it? Did it feel like a calming thing, like having the razor go through it? Well, it wasn't mental health.

I look down on anyone who has any type of depression or anxiety or anything like that. I did it in support of the Taliban. Oh, right. Yeah, they're doing it tough. Did you treat your hair like the US troops that just absolutely

go, you're out of here, boys? It was an evacuation. No, I don't know. It was just annoying me there. It was more a physical health thing because it was getting in my eyes and stuff and people were looking at me like I was crazed and stuff like that. So I thought I'd get rid of it all. I did get an audition once where they said I'd have to shave my head

and I'd have to be like a mean prison lady who was like wanting to bash everyone. And the audition was just horrible because I couldn't actually be mean. It just sounded like a joke the whole time because I was just like, I'll get you girls. I'll bash you in the courtyard. It just didn't sound right. You couldn't pull it off.

You had too much hair. Exactly. What would happen if you shaved your head for the audition and put them in a tough spot? Yeah, that's what I thought you meant. They just said I would have to do it, but I didn't. I did horrible in the audition because I sounded too nice and I kept telling the lady I was acting with that she was a really good actress.

I kept being like, wait, you're really good. Right. But you did it in character. They would have loved that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nothing comes off like a mean prison woman than compliments.

That's the way to win that role. I couldn't believe it. Her eyes were, like, hard. Like, I could tell she was, was like actually mean, like the character. Yeah, maybe she was just a cunt and not actually a good actor in any way. Yeah, maybe I was just believing the best in her that she was just putting it on. I bet someone did actually shave their head for that audition. I'd love to see like be led into the library because they always tape you

in those auditions just so they can show the client. I'd love to see like the master library of like all the embarrassing tapes they have of people and like the dumb shit they've done in auditions and people that come in for an ad and they've just drastically altered their appearance going like, I need this BP commercial more than I've ever needed it. I shaved my head for the audition and that's why I got it and Danielle didn't.

and that's why I got it and Danielle didn't. So you're now playing Queen B in the new Prisoner Reaper at Chenny. So great. The biggest bitch on Cellblock H, Erin Chen. Here she comes, everybody. And I heard Chenny's a lesbian as well Wow Check it out I'm haunted by

An audition I did I think I've spoken about it On the show before But I went in And they were I can't even remember what it was It was an ad But I can't remember specifically

What the ad was for But it was like The amount of shit They got me to do I felt like I was in there For about four hours Where they're like Now run around

the room like you're a gorilla and so i'm just doing that like i'm kind of you know i'm just like galloping around the room like grunting and stuff and then i do that they just let me do that for like five minutes without cutting in and saying good job or anything like that and then they're like so um okay now tell us what you did on the weekend. And I go, oh, I went to a party and I saw a friend. And the lady goes, uh-uh-uh, gorillas can't talk. So then I'm having to like – so the game was describe what you did over the weekend as a wordless gorilla. And I just remember doing it and then like staring into the barrel

of the camera and just knowing like this tape is going to be out there forever, probably like a master reel at the like Christmas party or whatever. And I'm just – I'm haunted about it. I need to do some like Breaking Bad shit where I turn up to the casting agents with a big magnet in a van and just wipe the tape or something. Yeah, you regret it because it was convincing because, I mean, you jerked off into your hand and then you threw it at the auditioner. Must have been some party.

I didn't know that there was auditions for documentaries. How was Diane Fossey to audition to? Was she good? But, yeah, fucking nightmare. Have you done any bad auditions, Cheney? I heard you're offer only up there in Sydney. That's what they say about you. Oh, offer only, is that the term?

Yeah, I'm not offer only. I do every single audition that they ask me to and everyone is humiliating. I don't know. It is just so embarrassing because it's like... Isn't it? Yeah. I don't do them anymore because it's just it just makes me

feel fucking like a like a child like a fucking idiot like someone who well it just makes me feel like i don't know what i'm doing which i i don't which is why i'm like yep i get it i'm not going to get the role i'm just going to feel worse about this i'm just going to just going to not get it yeah i feel like sometimes i just bring comedians in to let them know that acting is actually a different thing. To prove a point. Just right to set the low bar. Yeah, they're kind of worse now because you have to do them at home and like tape yourself and send them in.

And you would think that that would be less embarrassing because you're not in the room with strangers. But it's somehow worse because you've got to get, like, a partner or a housemate to, like, film it for you and help you. By the way, very conspicuously quiet on this subject of being a loser at auditions is Danielle Walker, who's currently on a national campaign on TV at the moment, who's just sitting there quietly judging us going,

you fucking amateurs. Why don't you just try getting the roles? It's easy. No, I'm not bad. I did one recently in the lockdown that was real. I tried real hard because it was for a farmer and I was like, oh, I can be a farmer. And, like, I was supposed to be fixing a fence while I was doing the ad and luckily I've got heaps of wire around the house for fixing stuff around the house and so I set up two chairs and then like built a fence between the two

chairs so that I could actually be doing the sheep shank in the fence that they wanted you to do and I was doing wire work for the audition and then that made me feel quite bad when I didn't get that because I'd spent so much time building my own fence from scratch. You'd constructed a set. You'd made a set. You'd put all your own little play in the house. Yeah, and then you hadn't got the role and then you couldn't even get out of your own house

because your fence was too good. The 7-Eleven ad that Nick Capper is in at the moment, I auditioned for that and it was like there's two roles in it. Okay, a bit of jealousy. Yeah, yeah. Sounds like someone didn't stink enough for the part you didn't commit. I mean, not getting the ad is one thing, but losing out to Nick Capper is fucking a brutal pill to have to swallow.

But there's two characters in it and in the brief they were like, oh, we're not casting for, you know, it's like, you know, just send a tape in and, you know, you're not auditioning for any like one specific one. Like they're kind of interchangeable. So I thought to kind of, because you've got to film them yourself and, you know, you've got to kind of make it look good. I thought what I would do is I just filmed myself doing both roles, like interacting with each other.

So I'd do like one part and then I changed clothes and I did the other part, like looking at myself, like I'm on TikTok doing a little sketch and cut it together. And this took me an entire day of filming like a mock conversation with myself. I sent it off. And then to not get it after doing that, the thing that makes you feel fucking insane was just so devastating. Can it can we say uh yeah i can put it up yeah i'll tell me i've got

to tell you something that's going to make you potentially feel worse which is um the 7-eleven ads were directed by the same um director who did the ebay ads i'm in and i was in the middle of nowhere when i auditioned for the ebay, and so I did also do both characters and I got that. Ah, great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just did a really bad job. I know that director too.

Like he directed the Commonwealth Bank ads that I was in a few years ago and he like specifically asked for me to send something in for that 7-Eleven thing. So to not get it when the guy has requested you audition is even more devastating. I heard Kappa's audition was like he did it through a selfie cam, but he had the camera the wrong way the whole time. But he was in a 7-Eleven when he did it, so they were like,

well, this guy gets it. He's familiar with the product. Also, I like how Dassler's still hanging on to this one. This is a directory admin he had a few years ago. When was that, Dassler? I reckon it was 10 years ago. The London Olympics, whenever they were. 2012?

Was that two weeks ago? The first one or the second one? The London one? The third one? Did they just wrap up like the other week? The Athens one? The Athens one? The first Athens one The third one? Did they just wrap up like the other week? The Athens one? The Athens one? The first Athens one?

There was an Olympics recently, yeah. Well, Jenny, what about this? I was talking to you last night and I was trying to figure out what you were doing, what you'd been up to. And like you said, you said you shaved your head. I took the piss out. I didn't think it was real.

And then you said you can talk about vaccination, which again which again i thought well here's another classic bit of comedy from aaron chan he's a he's a known anti-vaxxer as if he wants to talk about that well i am that's like the only two things that i've done this lockdown is shave my head and get one of the jabs. Everyone's bragging about getting a jab. It's stupid. But I went to, like, the main hub just for the fun of it because it's, like, the closest thing to travelling that I reckon you can do in lockdown is going to, like, the contagion vaccination hub in Western Sydney.

Right. And I went there and I went with a friend and um her household because she lived with these old older people right they made her wear like a face mask and a face shield and i had to wear one too go into this hub and we went in and everyone's like looking at us like we're like going to the midnight screening of Avengers dressed up as like the essential workers. It was so embarrassing. I mean, it's terrible, the vaccination. It makes you feel so horrid.

Have you guys got it? Did you feel bad? Yeah, I got the first dose of AstraZeneca. I woke up in like a pool of sweat and stuff like that. You know how people think that they're putting microchips in the jab? I reckon it's not that. I reckon they're putting, like... Hey, whoa, whoa.

Hang on. Wait, what? Is this a... What do you mean? I've never heard this type. This fresh type. They reckon it's got something to do with Bill Gates. I reckon they're putting...

Because I was, like, shivering. I reckon they're putting, like, some coolantivering, I reckon they're putting like some coolant fluid in there to make you believe the climate change narrative. Oh, okay, right. The stuff that's in a PlayStation 5 to stop it from overheating. Yeah, they put that in there so you believe that the world's getting hotter. Right, right. Like a sunny boy.

Yeah. Like a bit of a sunny boy in there right okay i see i got my um first dose of the vaccine yesterday and i'd been and i felt i felt a bit ashamed because you know i'm i'm i'm very much like yeah everyone should get the fucking jab and i'm like and then people are like have you got yours and i'm like it's taking me fucking forever to do it i've rocked up somehow i fucked up getting it twice i've rocked up twice and they've just gone no you can't have it so i finally got it yesterday and it was bad first of all it was bad because i thought you know i heard all these stories about people feeling you know not that great afterwards so i thought i can't do my exercise after it i'll do my exercise before it so then i ran to the the

to get the vaccine so i got in my running clothes and i thought i'll just jog there and then i fucked around and fucked around and then i was like really going to be running late for it so that meant i was just like i was just running getting faster and faster and sprinting. And then I was getting to all these hills and I'm like, ah, fuck, fuck. And I'm just so wrecked and so ruined from it. So then I get into the vaccination. I'm just covered in sweat already. Turning up to a medical centre just hot, flushed.

Yeah, yeah. Good look. Yeah, just pissing sweat and panting and whatever. And they're going, oh, man, you need the vaccine bad. You're in big trouble. And I get in the booth with this woman and I stink. I stink so bad. And I'm like, just apologise.

I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. And she's like, yeah, yeah, we get people like you all the time. I'm like, what does that mean, people like me? Yes. I'm like, no, no, no, I've been running. And like, you know, I've got like tracksuits on and stuff, but it's like, of course, I'm not far away from some pretty derro areas.

So it's like, yeah, of course they get people in tracksuits on. They haven't been running though. They've been like dealing meth and buying meth and stuff like that. You're there sweating. You're in a tracksuit. They think you don't want the vaccine. You're just a meth and buying meth and stuff like that. You're there sweating. You're in a track suit. They think you don't want the vaccine. You're just a big fan of the needle. Just anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Sign me up. I'm down.

I haven't read the fine print. I'm just in for a jab of any form. It'll feel good. That's crazy to think that some people are addicted to the needle. Yeah. Treating it like a safe injecting room. just being like, hey, it's not okay. While you're down there, I've brought my own little vial along with me.

Well, it's more of a spoon and a lighter, but you know. Yeah. Yeah. Just thinking that it's like a safe haven for anything like that. So there's people doing lines in there as well while they're there it's like yeah you can just do whatever yeah this is like this is international waters for drugs yeah you can't get more of a safe injecting room than the vaccination clinic just just sucking on a big old bong in there. Fuck, that'd be awesome. Yeah. So I went in there, I got the first dose, and then, like, you know, I felt fine, jogged home.

I was like, man. And then, you know, then I get the bit of competitiveness in me. I get home and I'm hearing all these stories about everyone else suffering, and I'm like, I'm actually feeling better. I'm actually feeling better than usual. I've like, you know, I can take this. I could probably do with another couple of doses, to be honest. Like, I'm actually feeling better than usual. I've like, you know, I can take this. I could probably do with another couple of doses, to be honest. Like, I'm fine.

Like, let's see how many doses I could cop before I feel sick. And so I was good all day. Like, right towards the end of the day, I felt a little tiny little bit of pain in my arm, and that was it. I was like, fuck, I've fucking clocked this. And then I went to bed, and then I reckon I lay in bed for – I was like awake in coma. I laid in bed for three hours and I just – not only could I not get to sleep,

there wasn't even a possibility of getting to sleep. There wasn't even a – but I wasn't even uncomfortable or whatever. I was just like in a waking coma, just lying in bed for three hours going, well, this is my life from now on. I'm a person that doesn't sleep. I just lie in bed all night every night. I've got to say, this isn't a side effect I've heard of at any point with AstraZeneca. It sounds like you're accusing them of injecting you with a Red Bull or something.

But I don't know what the fuck was going on. I was just lying there without even – you know when you can't get to sleep and you get really annoyed and you sort of toss and turn or whatever? It was like one of those sensory deprivation tanks. I just laid in the same spot for three hours whilst being awake and just going, this is just what I do now. I'm just like in a live coffin.

I'm just lying still with my eyes open, just thinking about not even that much. So then I looked at the clock and it was like half past three in the morning and I was like, right, I've got a child. It's going to wake up probably in two, two and a half hours. I was like, I reckon it's probably in my best interest to try to get to sleep now. So I was sitting there and you know that great trick when you try to get to sleep? Yes. So I'm sitting there willing you know you know that that great trick when you try to get to sleep yes so i'm sitting there willing willing sleep on counting sheep yeah yeah um counting sheeple and um i was i was sitting there thinking fuck how do i do this and then i'm thinking well i've been here for three hours awake this this dose this vaccine has obviously done this to me. This is some sort of side effect.

So even if I get to sleep, I wonder what's going to happen. Like surely it's going to be weird. And then I started thinking, what's the worst? I bet I'm going to have nightmares. What's the worst thing I can think of that I'm going to think about in my dreams? And I was like, right, the worst nightmares I ever had. Yeah, just prep the mind, get it ready. Give your brain, give your subconscious a bit of inspiration.

Absolutely. I just got the writer's room into action. And then I just thought my worst nightmares are always like just ex-girlfriends and old relationships and stuff like that. And then somehow like coming back or unfinished business. Wait, that's the worst thing you can or unfinished business with that sort of thing. Wait, that's the worst thing you can think of is like ex-girlfriends. It's not like ghouls with heads missing that are going to come eat you? Well, how are they going to eat me if they don't have heads for starters?

So, yeah, I can think of worse stuff than that. No, but I never dream about stuff like that. i'm only saying like this is the worst thing i ever dream of i don't have science fiction dreams or anything like that's that's the worst thing i dream of like that like old relationships and stuff like that so i'm thinking about that going well now that i've got that clear in my head i've decided that that is the last thing that i want to happen from now on cue three hours of nightmares about old relationships and ex-girlfriends and unfinished business and all that sort of stuff.

I'm going fucking nuts. Like I kept dreaming and then waking up and then dreaming and going, fuck, I hope I don't have another one of them and then having another one of them. And I'm like, fuck, this is, this drug, this vaccine is, like I started to get why the anti-vaxxers are like that. I get it, you guys out there that don't want the jab. If you're going in with some troubles in your ex-relationships,

maybe push it back a while. Maybe push it back a few years, I reckon, until you get that resolved in your head, until you fix those relationships in some way. Carl, you're wearing a hat. We can see you're wearing a hat. Is the end of this story going to be you pull the hat off and you've shaved your head in the middle of the night because you couldn't sleep? I need to get the bad memories out.

Well, that's the other thing. And also, look, the one little part of the story that I didn't include that I realised halfway through the night when I couldn't sleep is I did have a full 1.25 litre bottle of Pepsi at about 10 o'clock at night. So then I started not blaming the vaccine halfway through the night, to be honest. This is a 10-year-old at a sleepover. Just like... Sugary drink before bed, the fear about never being able to get to sleep.

So are we to believe that the... Is this what you're saying essentially, that the worst nightmares you've ever had are just about ex-girlfriends? Those are the worst sleep nightmares you've ever had. Yes. So you've never had someone's chasing you with a knife, you're on a plane that's crashing. Really?

No. Yes. That is wild. So when you're trying to run in a dream and you can't move and you're trying to run, it's just from an ex while they're talking to you. No, no, no. No, I can't move because I'm trying to chase the ex and she's running and I'm just like, I can't run.

That's the nightmare. I'm like, take me back. So Carl Chandler's in the dream. He's on the plane. The plane's going down. The oxygen masks are falling from the roof of the plane. You're like, you're not fussed at all. And then the girl sitting next to you goes, I think we should talk.

And then that's when it becomes – that's when you're waking up in the cold sweat at that moment. Right. Exactly. I don't want to die whilst being dumped. Yeah, absolutely. I'm starting to think your ex-girlfriend's nightmares are much scarier than yours. Yeah.

Carl has nightmares about them leaving. They have nightmares about him coming back. Yeah, yeah. The rule is you can't get an AVO if you're in a dream. Like, you can't be stalked if you're in a dream, okay? So nothing can happen to me. Carl turning up as Freddy Krueger in people's dreams and being like, can we just talk?

Like give me another chance. There was a lot of that going on last night, Tommy. There was a lot of that sort of stuff going on. Wow. And were these like kind of based on – were these kind of like true-to-life ex-relationships that you were dreaming or was it kind of like fictionalised amalgamation of a couple of different ones or how realistic were they?

No, they're pretty realistic. Wow. There were real people involved. There were dreams about stuff I never did. I was going through people's mail at different stages. There was a lot of mail sifting. Going through mail? Yeah.

I don't know what the fuck was going on. But let's be clear that I blame this all on Pfizer. This is not my own actions. The good people at Pfizer have done this. I'm not responsible for any of that behaviour. Yeah, so go get vaccinated. Get that done. Yeah, look, it's an important – yeah, I had my second dose of Pfizer on Friday

and on Saturday, had the chills, had the nausea, was copping it pretty bad and thought, God, it doesn't get any worse than this. But yeah, at least all the Xs were staying locked away in the deep recesses of the brain whenever long. Exactly. Give me that, Tommy. Whatever dose you got, I'll have that for the second jab, thanks. I don't want this one to happen again. This two litres of Pepsi that you Tommy. Whatever dose you got, I'll have that for the second jab, thanks.

I don't want this one to happen again. This two litres of Pepsi that you were drinking, were you – 1.25 litres, thank you. So did you go get like four cups of Pepsi, one after the other? Yes. And no point you were like, I reckon I'm full of Pepsi. Yeah. Look, yes, there was a point and that was at the end of the Pepsi. Yeah. Look, look, yes. There was a point, and that was at the end of the Pepsi.

There was that point right at the end where I felt more acid than man just before I went to sleep. But I haven't done this for a long time. I haven't had, like, cola before I go to bed for a long time. You know those times when you do things? Because you're an adult and you learn. What do you mean a long time? Like 40-something years because you learn that. Because you're an adult and you learn. What do you mean a long time, like 40-something years

because you learn that it keeps you awake? You know how sometimes you just need to hit the books again? That's what I did last night. You wouldn't know all your algebra right now. You need a bit of a refresher course. Well, that's what I did last night. I was refreshed by the Pepsi, but I did get the refresher course as well.

So I won't do that again for a little while, especially it's not a good cocktail, Pepsi and Pfizer. Don't mix your drinks like that. What made you drink the Pepsi last night? You know that thing where you haven't had something for a long time? I feel like once a year I'll get Pizza Hut. I know it's no good. You've got to check in. Yeah, you've got to check in know it's no good check in but yeah you just yeah you gotta check

in you gotta check in you got you get that little little sort of like something bad for you a little booty call little you know something but you just do it once a year and that's okay well that's that's what i felt like last night i haven't had pepsi in forever and now i reckon i'll go another two to three years without you're one of those teenagers who drunk like a four-litre bottle of Coke just walking around? No. I hated those people. No. I hated those people, Danielle.

Just the 1.25 for you. I live for the guy. I live for the guy. Yeah, yeah. That's the limit. The gentleman serving. The only difference between you and them is a glass. Yeah.

A mug, thank you. a glass. Yeah. A mug, thank you. A mug. That's so much worse. I live with a guy like that that would keep a three-litre bottle of Coke under the seat in a share house under the couch. He'd just be sitting there and he'd dig his hand under and just pull out a three-litre and it would be there for days. I'm like, this makes me fucking sick.

Awesome. Wants the convenience of the little bar fridge but doesn't have the money to get it. And it's flat. So it's the next best thing under the couch cushions. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. What about teens who have three litres of Pfizer a day?

Yeah, I want to keep it rolling. I want to have those bad dreams. What about you, Danielle? Do you have any bad nightmares or anything, any weird things? Have you had the vax yet? No, I'm booked in for it, but I haven't had it yet. But my family, I don't know, they're not keen. Well, I mean, my mum is.

She's had it and so is her partner. But my nana and granddad aren't. Nana doesn't know what's happening because she went to a doctor and she had breast cancer like two years ago and her doctor said, don't get the Pfizer because it can make your boobs bigger. Which I don't know if that's real. Okay, three doses for me, please. Yeah, I mentioned before I'd had the Pfizer.

I probably didn't need to say that because you guys can probably tell from the big natties that you can see in the Zoom. Yeah, I'm just – sorry, guys. I'm just rebooking my wife's second dose right now as we speak. I think we might change from the AZ actually. Fucking hell. I don't have the login. Okay.

She reckons she's going to get AstraZeneca now, but Grandad thinks it's all, he sort of thinks it's an experiment and so he's not keen on it. And also apparently one of their, who's a twin, got the AstraZeneca and then about 12, 14 days later had a stroke, and she thinks that that's related to the AstraZeneca because they have, like I said, they're a twin, and the other twin didn't get vaccinated and did not have a stroke.

And out of the two twins, the one who had the stroke seems like they would be healthier. So that's Orton and Arakans. Okay. Oh, wow. Okay. So did they know what the twin drank before they had the vaccine? Yeah, 1.25 liters Pepsi.

Whoa, whoa. Okay, all right. I think there should be a lot more anti-soda people out there than anti-vax. I think we're finding out the real problem here. So the rest of the family, where do they stand on the vax? Because, yeah, this might be some people's first time listening to the show or hearing you on the show problem here. So the rest of the family, where do they stand on the vax? Are they? Because, yeah, this might be some people's first time listening to the show or hearing you on the show, Danielle. We've talked a lot about your family history on the program before.

Also, run me through the thought process of, okay, if your grandma's had breast cancer and then they said your breasts get bigger, that doesn't mean that – how does that work? Like that doesn't mean the cancer gets bigger. Apparently it's got something to do with the nodes. The cancer's gone, isn't it? Like, I don't know if the nodes get bigger. I looked it up and it doesn't seem to be a scientific study.

It seems to be a lady on TikTok has said her boobs have gotten bigger and somehow that's filtered to the doctor and the doctor has told my nana that her boobs are going to get bigger. And what's her TikTok handle? Yeah, actually, I think I saw a video about this on Redshift, not on TikTok, but yeah, it's time to ring a bell. Oh, that'll be great in a few years' time, coronavirus the porn parody.

There's a whole scene about the Pfizer jab making your boobs bigger. But where does the rest of the family stand on the vax and the pandemic in general, Danielle? So your granddad, Danielle, for stars, your granddad, now you've talked about him before. Now this man who thinks that it's all an experiment, this is also the man that records all of the information he needs to remember on white goods he writes it all down on fridges and freezers things that he needs to remember that's right that's 100 correct

um there's a big sign on one of they've had it done um but not nana and granddad no my mom's partner though he's um he's big into the vaccines and stuff but we got into an argument when i was up there not about the vaccine but over the fact that he – so we both – okay, so I said aliens exist and he said aliens exist too, but the argument that we had – Oh, hang on, hang on, hang on. I love this side of your family where you're the voice of reason and you open with aliens exist and it gets weirder from here. Love it.

So we're talking about aliens and then Noel, my mum's partner, the argument we had was that I said aliens exist and if they exist then they've probably been to Earth. And then he says that aliens definitely exist but they've never been to Earth. Right. Right. Okay.

And the reasoning for that is that... So who are we barracking for with this one? Obviously me. Okay, right. Because if they exist, why wouldn't they have been here? I don't know. He reckons that they definitely don't have the technology to come to Earth and that in all the movies he's seen about aliens and stuff,

why are they things that his brain can comprehend? Right, okay. But they're movies that we made. Anyway, that was something that annoyed me recently. I've been thinking about it for a month straight. It's the only stimulus I've had since coming back. Yeah, yeah. Well, any argument is good if you completely base it on something

that is on record made up. It is an actual – that's why it's called science fiction. Well, talking about getting the jabs and everything, now we've been cracking wires on the show recently about getting the jab and people making the joke on social media about how you've now got 5G.

So guys, I just want to say thank you for, I can't tell what it's like on your end, but I've mentioned this on the show before. I've moved house not that long ago and I have shocking internet in this new house. It's made doing the pod very difficult. My modem here is like a modem with just like a 4G SIM card in it.

It's fucking dog shit. So I called up an internet company yesterday to try and get 5G home internet and that's happening. So that's coming in tomorrow. So this will be the last time i have to um put up with this shitty connection i hope it's been okay but um so yeah got the 5g coming i've officially got 5g coming into the house and this phone this internet company i called up there i won't name them but their phone provider and i was talking to the guy

and he gets it all set up and then he goes i can just see in the system here that you used to be a customer with us a little while ago. You terminated your account in 2018. Why was that? And I go, oh, I left to go to a competitor because I was traveling a lot overseas at the time. And you guys don't have very good global roaming stuff. And this other company did. So I just moved over to them because of that. And I thought this was a fucking insane piece of upselling, just masterful stuff.

He goes, could I convince you to sign back up with us today, potentially? And I go, oh, no, I'm not really interested in changing my mobile phone plan. I'm pretty happy with the people that I'm with. And he goes, yeah, but you said you signed up with them because of their global roaming, and when's the next time you're going to be going overseas?

I'm like, fuck, there's not a lot of argument back to that, isn't there? Great. Very nice. Yeah, yeah. I was like, all right, yeah, I guess let's give me the spiel, mate. I kind of can't even run anywhere. I just ended up having to hang up. I was like, I'm just too scared to – he's got me into a corner here.

So I don't know. Anyone who works in sales, works in commish, if you can try and wedge some kind of pandemic-induced kind of gear into your sales pitches, that's the trick. Yeah, that's great. That's great. Yeah, I wonder if anyone's got – yeah, I wonder how much global roaming is actually happening at the moment.

Oh, I guess everyone else – everyone else is like open now, isn't it? It's only Australia that's really not open, isn't it? Yeah, more or less. I think, I mean, certain parts of the world, I guess you're still pretty locked up, but yeah, they're having a, they're having a good old time over there in Europe at the moment. Are you guys in deep lockdown in Melbourne? Well, it's not, it's not the lockdown like you guys have got up in sydney we we're we're actually you know things are shut um

so you can you go clubbing in the lockdown well yeah i mean we've done you know we did the big one last year and we're we're in you know another you know ending up being a slightly longer one than we all thought at the moment and um i just i'm gonna do this as a public service announcement because we've you know a lot of us here in melbourne and i'm sure other parts of the world too we've burned through a lot of stuff on netflix you know you're kind of rapidly running out of things to keep yourself occupied and in my old apartment i couldn't really see i was kind of i couldn't i didn't really feel like I could see many other people around me. I couldn't really see many other apartments from where I was.

But now in this new house, we've got a lot of apartment buildings around us. It's all pretty crammed in. We can kind of see our neighbours out there a lot. And the other night, my girlfriend was in the kitchen getting some ice cream while we were watching a movie and from the kitchen window, she goes, oh, my God, I can see two people doing it doggy style in the window of one of these apartment buildings. So I run over to get a look. And by the time I get there, enough time has elapsed where they've realized, this couple has realized, oh, we're too close to the window.

We've got to back it up. oh we're too close to the window we've got to back it up so look if you're out there if you're in a lockdown in one of these cities and you've got these exhibitionist tendencies just just hang out near the window and do what you got to do you know what i mean it's like there's people that have run out of things to watch they've run out of video games to play they need a bit of gossip in the household having having said that don't do it too often because you don't want to run the risk of that happening again and you getting up and going, oh, fuck, I've seen this one. Do another position.

Do something else. Mix it up. Stand in the window. One of you is dressed as Joe Exotic. The other is dressed as Carole Baskin. Do window rooting theme nights, you know. What's wrong with anal? What's wrong with you guys?

I did love getting the call to arms from my girlfriend and specifically the position getting called out as well. I like that. She just said, I can see a bit of missionary happening in the window. I don't know if I would have bothered getting off the couch, but I'll tell you what. I was over there like a bat out of hell. Yeah, I do like the term I can see two people doing a doggy style.

Oh, not just the one. Not just the old solitaire doggy style. Jerked off earlier. Jerked off doggy style earlier. I jerked off like a dog would jerk off. You know like that. That's happening in the window right now, Tommy. Go and have a look.

Well, Danny, you're talking your your grandma and your granddad so you I I believe that so you said you'd just been up there to see them a while back now was this a research trip does this does this um is this ringing a bell properly in my own head did you go up there as research for some sort of book or some sort of maybe recording or something because i think you said to me you wanted to your granddad is so full of like all this these these crazy memories and crazy stories that you want to get them all down before before you know he forgets them or whatever is is this what this trip was for yeah i wanted to video him and get him to tell me all his stories and stuff and when i got up there he'd already started writing his autobiography um and gave me that like how many fridges is that it's honestly

less than the fridges which is crazy and so so much information that i was like i don't need that information what i need is like more stuff about you. He told me how deep the well was in his book and that took like half a page and then there was no information on Nana. It was like I met a girl from Tully and that's my wife. Great. I can't wait for this book to be released, yeah, in four formats, audiobook, paperback, hardcover and Westinghouse. That's going to be it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's not as big as a freezer, so it's probably on a toaster or something like that. He also had at the start of the book he wrote like Baz's autobiography and then the year he started he wrote like 1952, which is not the year he was born, but it's when his memories start. So he wrote it from when his memories start to now. So what age is that then?

What age did his memories start? Like four years old. Right, okay. That seems like a bit of a shame. There might have been a few things happen before that, but anyway, okay. I guess they're lost forever. Exactly. And then on the inside, the first page of the book is a map

of his childhood house because he wanted it to be like a fantasy novel where you get a map of where things happen at the start of the book. Yeah, and I imagine in country Queensland in 1952, it's quite an elaborate map. There must have been quite a mansion out on the farmstead. Would it have been like one room with a hole in the corner or something to shit in, surely? Yeah, I think it was three rooms because there was nine children,

two adults, and everything about it, i love reading it because he goes like um we were sent out we'd go out for the day and we'd go catch fish in little tins and then like kill rabbits we caught with knives and once we got older we were allowed to take the rifle with us around six you're a man now it's rifle time yeah wow yeah knives are for babies yeah well so is is that the is that the official name of the of the autobiography baz's autobiography or is that just a working time no that's what he's written and biography is spelt with an f instead of a ph right yeah i love it yeah i love it. It's good. It's only up to just when he got married so far, so I left it there for him to continue writing.

And I've noticed. Oh, it's unreleased. Yeah. I'm sort of his editor at the moment, so we go backwards and forwards, like expand on that a bit, less details on measurements. Up to you, but I'd work on on the title but that's up to you i don't want to tell you how to be a how to be an editor or at the very least the spelling of the title sure yeah yeah um he also um when i was up there one of my favorite things that happened was

um uh we're sitting around the campfire having it having a nicefire, and my cousin asked him to play the harmonica for us. And Grandad said, all right, go get me the harmonica. And then my cousin came back and he pulled the harmonica out of its sheath and handed my Grandad the unsheathed harmonica. And then my Grandad started yelling at him and said, you never touch another man's harmonica. There we go. That's the book title. That's the book title.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Never touch another man's harmonica. Shades of Tim Allen never stand too close to a naked man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There we go. But he can't even play the harmonica. Yeah, that's a genuine good book title. Lead with that, I reckon.

Is there any, in your opinion as the editor, is there any, you know, if Baz was going to sort of leak out his book to, say, a Saturday newspaper, a weekend newspaper, you know, they pull out like the best story or something that's going to grab some attention. Is there anything in there that would make it into the Courier Mail on a weekend up there at the moment or yeah i reckon i reckon partly that story i've told you before about the man in the middle of the road um but there's another story

that he talks about um about his so my nana's uncle's son um i don't know what that is what is that my nana's uncle's son whatever friend a family member they lived on the same property um and uh the a friend of the the family member um his wife um the landowner had a crush on her and so he would like come around and try and flirt with her and one day he was over there flirting with her and our family member got home and they got into a fight him and the landowner and the landowner went and got an axe and started saying like i'm gonna kill you and then um nana and granddad and everybody heard the commotion from their property and came up and they started wrestling the axe off him and then just threw it into the bushes. And then they were like, go home, go home, go home.

And then the guy went and got a gun out of his car and came back and they started then trying to wrestle the gun. Hang on, was the guy like six years old then? No, seven, that's gun age seven and so uh the family member and the guy who wanted to kill him both started pulling the gun upwards and granddad started pulling the gun downwards and apparently they shouldn't have all three gotten in the scuffle. And, yeah, then the family member's ankle got shot off. And then when they all tell this story, because I heard my mum tell this story too, granddad and my mum both said that his wife started screaming

and they were all like, anyway, the wife, she was being hysterical. She was being hysterical. I like that he constantly has more weapons in the car. Yeah. Yeah, so then after that he went and got his throwing stars. Yeah, anyway. It's like GTA. Yeah. For some reason whenever i ask any of these stories because granddad's got like eight stories that all end in like pretty big crimes um i'm like

did you tell the police and he's always like no i didn't tell the police can't no don't no don't get the police involved and then that's why my mum went to boarding school because she was worried that man was going to come back and murder everybody. Oh, wow. Didn't even want any higher education, didn't want to get a job, just needed protection. Yeah, she said she used to sleep under her bed after that happened.

The perfect crime, the perfect disguise. You come in, that's what murderers always do, they come in and they check the perfect crime the perfect disguise you come in that's what that's what murderers always do is they come in they check the top of the bed if no one's there they walk out they never think to check under it yeah yeah i mean look a guy coming back to murder is pretty scary but it's nothing compared to an ex-girlfriend coming back into your life i mean exactly come on yeah and this is this is back your your grandma probably never even tasted Pepsi back then, so these are the good old days. Some people have real traumas they're dealing with. Yeah, yeah.

Was the wife flirting back or it was unreciprocated flirting? Well, I mean, they say it was unreciprocated flirting, but, you know you never know do you yeah yeah because it's just one word against the other it was pretty over when uh he shot the ankle off like that was pretty done yeah yeah oh yeah that's that's a boner killer for sure that's a deal breaker and an ankle breaker. Yeah, for sure.

I'm speaking of family, I'm very loathe to talk about this stuff on the show because I've always been scared of being the person who has a kid and then comes and goes, oh, my baby did the darndest thing. So I try and keep away from all that sort of stuff. So my little daughter, Blanket, as we call her on the show, so she's like a fun age at the moment. That's what people always tell me. They'll say, how old is your kid?

I'll be like two and a half. Oh, that's a fun age. Don't people call that the terrible twos? Oh, yeah, I guess as well. Yeah, I guess people don't know what the fuck's going on but that's i get both of those things yeah yeah but but the good thing is that they're learning a lot right at the moment they're like little sponges they're you know she's learning a lot you'll say stuff she'll hear it and and bank it away and then and

then bring it up again like two days later or whatever. So it's fun to see what she'll come up with. Now, I got very excited this week. The reason I bring it up is I got very excited because, you know, now I'm getting to this point where she'll say stuff and I'll be like, oh, fuck, is that ahead of her reading age or is that ahead of, like, what she should be doing at the moment? Like, have I got a fucking genius? Like, I never really know what they're she should be doing at the moment? Have I got a fucking genius?

I never really know what they're supposed to be doing. I don't have a chart of when they're supposed to have conversations or when they're supposed to be able to climb up on the bed or when they're supposed to do anything. I don't know whether she's ahead or behind. And I always think, fuck, I should check this up, but I don't know how to check it up. But two days ago, she was sitting to the table and she turned to me and said, and she'd never said this phrase before.

She said, Daddy, what's the time? And I just laughed and I was like, what do you need to know the time for? What have you got on? What are you late for? Nothing. Shitting your pants. I got a tea party with Polly Pocket to get to. Come on.

Yeah. Come on, Polly. Yeah. It's like she doesn't even watch free-to-air TV. She's not missing out. It's all Netflix. So it's not like she even needs to know any of that sort of stuff. Oh, no.

She thinks Coco Melon's on at a specific time. She doesn't quite know the ins and outs of how streaming work. Oh, no, no, no. She knows Coco Melon's on whenever she screams for it don't worry yeah that's that's not it she's she's a she's a big one on that one um so i i just laughed she goes what's daddy what's the time i just laughed and then she points to their clock and then says it's three o'clock and it is dead on three o'clock and i'm like what the i'm i'm pretty sure like it's she's two and a half I'm like, what the – I'm pretty sure.

She's two and a half. I'm like, this is fucking insane. This is not what people – what kids know at two and a half. I'm positive I didn't know how to read Roman numeral clock until I was in, I don't know, grade three or something. Oh, big boast. He's got the Roman numeral clock in there. Yeah, yeah.

Daddy, it's I-I-I-O clock. No, I didn't even have one of them. I have like a clock that has nothing on it. It's just got the hands. So I'm like, how fucking smart is my kid? She's not even dealing with any of the Roman numerals. She's dealing with the fucking simplistic clock that you read after you've learnt the Roman numerals and you work backwards

and you're cool with it. Yeah. That's a clock I got from Lawrence Mooney as a wedding present when we put on the invitation, please give money into our well for our honeymoon as cash. And in his words, Lawrence Mooney said, I'll fucking give you whatever i want and then gave us a clock so so by the way when you say roman numerals do you mean you mean just like

numbers right because roman numerals are like you know ix iii iv like yeah yeah yeah yeah you see okay so the default clock is like the numbers it's's like one, two, three. That's Carl's default way of counting. You're not starting off on Roman numerals. I'm a little bit older than you, Tommy, so that's actually what I did start off on. Welcome to episode MMXIV of the Little Dum Dum Club. Then my child pointed at the sundial and she said, Daddy, it's three o'clock.

Yeah. Yeah, that actually would be better if she was pointing at play school and going, oh, three o'clock, Daddy. She's memorized the TV guide before she's learned how clocks work. That would be actually pretty impressive. So she's done that and i'm thinking i've quickly thought i reckon i was in grade two grade three at least before i figured out like roman numerals and how clocks work without seeing digital i remember definitely

being like show me digital or or fuck off clocks i'm not i'm not interested this is too hard i think how the fuck has she picked this up at two and a half? And I'm like, I ring my mum, I ring my wife, and I'm like, this is what she's just done. This is insane. My mum gets so excited. And she's like, oh, my God, you've got to get vision. You've got to get vision of this again. Send me a video of this.

You've got to get vision. It's also just like her dad's just chugging Pepsi in bed and then wondering why he can't sleep. It's like this kid's already smarter than you. I've raised a genius. Hey, I learnt last night that 11 o'clock is not Pepsi o'clock, so I'm learning stuff as well. I'm all right.

You're both so good with time. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You're studying the clock at 3 a.m. Yeah, yes. Man, I got a good look at the clock last night. Fucking hell. Three is a busy hour in the Chandler household. It doesn't matter if it's a.m. or p.m.

Stuff's happening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So my mum's like, I'll get a video of it so you can send it to me. And I'm like, oh, yeah, you're right. And I'm thinking, well, you know what, I can't – by that time it's like 3.30. I'm like, I'm not going to test her out on halves. Clearly, yeah, give her the easy ones, give her the O clocks and whatever. So I wait until 4 o'clock and i'm like and i'm like here we go you know i'm sitting i'm literally sitting there wasting my time and

busying her and yeah you know this is such a lockdown activity just staring at the clock waiting for the big answer i like that you call spending time with her busying i'm busying myself until it's time to talk to her. This has killed a few hours, hasn't it? So I spent time with my child until the clock struck IV. Yeah, yeah. I didn't realise I've been staring at a clock for 24 hours now, apparently. I'm just yams the p.m.s. So I'm like, give her an o'clock.

You know, don't fuck around. So I'm keeping her up. It's nap time and she's wanting to go to bed. I'm like, no, no, no, let's hang out a little bit more. No, no, no. Have some Pepsi. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do what Daddy did.

And then I go, great, we'll get the tape of it. And it gets to four o'clock. What's the of it. And it gets to 4 o'clock. What's the time? Oh, what's the time? 3 o'clock. Like, no, no, no, what's the time? 3 o'clock. So anyway, over the next day,

I've now realized that she does not know how to tell the time. She's learned the phrase, it's 3 o'clock. 3 o'clock, right. And she just says it's 3 o'clock for everything. She just happened to pull it out at absolutely the best possible time, absolutely out of her ass at three o'clock. I've rung everyone I know to tell them that my kid's a genius. Genius, yeah.

My kid's a fucking idiot. She thinks it's three o'clock everywhere at all times. This is like the saying, a broken clock's right twice a day. Your kid's a broken clock. Yeah. Broken blanket's right twice a day. Your kid's a broken clock. Yeah. Broken blanket's right twice a day. So you woke her up at 3 a.m. to get the video? Yeah.

Yeah. I had nothing better to do. I was already up. I might as well get someone else up to talk to me. Well, I just want to quickly say this. So, yeah, one last thing. Aaron, the last time you were on a not live episode of this, we were in the park and it was, I believe it was the introduction of me

launching my Cameo account and doing the bad impressionist. We were outside the stadium or as Carl would call it, the Coliseum. Yep. Yes. I believe it, the Coliseum. Yep. Yes. I believe it was 3 o'clock. Probably not far off, yeah. So, Daniel, yeah, I had a Cameo account, or I have a Cameo account, where, yeah, I'm good at bad impressions.

So I thought I'm going to start a Cameo account, and no one, you know, people put in requests for me to do impressions. No one can get shitty when they're awful impressions because, you know, it does what it says on the tin. You know, I kind of thought this is like the perfect workaround, you know, me not being very good at impersonating people. And I did it for a bit, but I started to kind of feel like I was, I don't know, like kind of scamming people, I guess. Like I was getting money for it and then I was just getting a lot of people be like, you know, can you just do one of Nick Capper or whatever?

And I just literally was spending my whole day sitting in my apartment at one point. Was that before or after he beat you at the ad? Yeah, because you should have done a better impression of Nick Capper at the audition. You would have earned even more money. Yeah, it was before, so that's depressing, yeah. Also, I love the idea that that was the majority of your request.

At one stage, you became a Nick Capa impressionist full-time. Yeah, that's almost basic. That's what the account turned into full-time. In lockdown, that's how you're making most of your money. Comedy's disappeared. You're just impersonating Nick Capa. So what I thought I would do, because we're back in lockdown.

There's not as many people rooting in their windows as I would like. We need things to do. I thought, I'm going to bring the account back for one day. I'm going to reactivate it for one day, and all the requests I get, I'm going to donate the money to charity. So get on there, make some requests, get some bad impressions done, and then I'll give all the money for the date.

So I reckon – what do you think? I was thinking this Sunday is enough notice for like after this comes out for people to have heard this and get around it. What do you think? Is that too soon? That's Sunday the 22nd. Sunday, August the 22nd. I think that's enough time.

What do you reckon? That's enough time to get this out and people to get around to it. I'll have the account on for that day. Send through whatever you want. Send through a person. If you can give me a person and then something that they're railing off about. Yeah, I'll do them all. Danielle, do you want to request like a – we need a bit of a sizzle.

Give me a little bit of training here, yeah. I'd like you to request an act out of what you saw your neighbours doing. Yeah, can you – what about Nick Capper doing doggy style in the window over from your house? Okay, who's he doing doggy style in the window over from your house? Okay, who's he doing doggy style with? Oh, Jenny, your choice. Again, you've got to be specific in these requests, guys. You've got to tell me which positions each participant is in.

What about Nick Capper doing both positions? Okay. Okay, Nick Capper fucking Nick Capper. Classic impression. Oh, wow. I'm loving being fucked like a dog. Yeah, I'm also, I'm loving fucking you like a little dog. Woof, woof.

Yeah, oh, boy, I'm loving being bent over and being rooted like a little dog. Oh, yeah, this is, oh, being a dog is an improvement on how I normally smell. There you go. That's what it says. It does what it says on the tin. It does what it says on the tin. Does what it says on the tin. And what's your email address for the invoice to go to, Danielle, just so we know?

So, yeah, Sunday, August the 22nd. Yeah, send me your requests. I'll get them done. And I'll try and recreate some of the best ones on the next. Yeah. I mean, hopefully, just my opinion, the more doggy style with Nick Capa rooting someone in it, the better in my humble opinion.

Okay, sure. It's okay. You pick the celeb who's rooting Nick Capa doggy style. Sorry, all this rooting chat has reminded me of something that happened when I was at home that was not good, which was... Uh-oh, this better not be another grandpa story. No. I had like a wisdom tooth coming through and it was bad

and I had to start taking antibiotics and I had to take them heaps a day. Because my mum used to shove tablets down my throat like I was a dog when I was a kid because I couldn't swallow. Because I couldn't swallow tablets. Now that's the only way I can swallow tablets. So I have to like put the tablet between my fingers and shove it right down my throat. Yeah, just make sure your hand doesn't scrape on the cone that you've got around your neck. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, just make sure your hand doesn't scrape on the cone that you've got around your neck.

Yeah, yeah. And my auntie came down to visit and she walked in and saw me doing it and then she started calling me because after I get quite far down, she started calling me knuckles deep. Oh, my God. And then, yeah, she started calling me knuckles deep for the whole time I was up home. Great.

And then she just every time she'd talk to me, call my boyfriend a lucky boy, and the whole family would just start making me feel really uncomfortable. Fucking hell. And then they'd all, I had to take tablets. I bet he loved it. I had to take tablets every three hours, and they'd crowd around and watch me loved it. I had to take tablets every three hours and they'd crowd around and watch me do it.

Jesus Christ. Knuckles, old Knuckles Walker. I love this. Yeah, I like it. Knuckles is a cool nickname. I think it is a cool nickname for a guy, but with that context for a girl, I'm not sure if it's as cool, but still, I'll go with it. I'm happy to know someone called Knuckles.

I'll take it. All right. We better wrap it up for another week on the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Danielle Walker, Aaron Chen, thank you so much for joining us. Chenny, have you got anything

you'd care to plug? No, not a thing in the world. That's awesome. You're on the socials. You're on the socials, Chenny baby. Check out the special that Aaron made last year, A Life in Questions. Thought it was really, really funny. That's on YouTube, right?

People can find that on there? Yeah, that's on YouTube. That was great. That was really fun. Yeah, that's great. If you haven't seen it already. Danielle, anything you'd like to plug? You've got a pod, don't you?

You've got a Bachelor Recaps pod? Yeah, but we stopped doing the Bachelor Recaps because we hated it. And then we keep going to start pods and then stuff happens and we've started to record. Anyway, a new podcast will be coming soon, but we need to figure out what it's going to be. Great. Great sizzle.

Yeah, follow Danny on all the socials. Keep an eye on all that stuff. Sunday, August 22. Get your bad impression requests ready. Guys, thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. See you, mates. And they've done it again.

Oh, they have. All four of them've done it again oh they have they've uh all four of them have done it for more than the first time you you're right you fucking nailed it bernie has uh kicked a big one he's appropriately enough jabbed one through the big sticks funnily enough we're talking to you uh on the episode and we're doing this right after the episode. Post-jab, you mentioned feeling a bit woozy because you haven't really slept. But in spite of that, I think that's the first time in recent memory that you've remembered to give us

the Bernie kicking a big one up without any prompting. So maybe this has been better for your mental state. Well, no. I've just put all my concentration efforts into this little bit. I was like, fuck, how do I do this? I'm like, fuck, I've just put all my concentration efforts into like this little bit. I was like, fuck, how do I do this? Like, fuck, I'm so – like we're recording this about an hour after we recorded the main bit. And I've been holding on for dear life going, I need to fucking go to bed.

It's just after lunch. I haven't had my lunch. I'm like, what do I do, lunch or sleep? So I've decided we're doing this. We're getting this out, and then I'm going to go to sleep. And I'm going to hope that my wife isn't having a really loud conference call on Zoom outside the bedroom.

That's the hope. Her and the heads of airlines get a bit boisterous on the teleconferencing calls, do they? Just really firing up. Well, you know, it's people from all around the world. So, you know, in case she does a bit of Australian, speaking louder because she doesn't speak their language, you know. Oh, right.

I said, Beijing, arm of this airline, we need to put some planes in the air. Right. So, yeah, she's having to also shout to be heard over there in Dubai. So, yeah, I's having to also shout to be heard over there in Dubai. So, yeah, I get it. Yeah, in the Afghanistan arm of the airline, she said, there's a lot of screaming and things going on. She's having to yell pretty loud.

Yeah, so we'll see how that goes. But I am just busting to get some shut-eye and then wake up extra woozy and, you know, hopefully still have some quite vivid nightmares in between. Really good stuff, yeah. Feel the parade of exes coming out on the second night in a row. Yeah, yeah. And also can absolutely still feel that bottle of Pepsi within me,

can just feel it rattling around inside me. So just to follow up on something that I said in the episode, I'm going to be back on Cameo this Sunday, August the 22nd. I didn't read out the URL in the actual episode proper, but cameo.com slash badimpressionist is where you can go. Sunday, I'm going to have a big full day of it. Get your requests in. Yeah, let's try and raise some money.

For who? For Support Act, the organisation for arts-based stuff, which, yeah, I was kind of thinking about what would be a good place to give the money to. And, look, you know, we're very lucky with this podcast. You know, we make money from it and that's been a great help during the pandemic and of course, thank you to everyone who pitches in on Patreon

and yeah, that meant that we haven't starved over the last 18 months. So, you know, we're lucky we've got this. I've got my other podcast as well, which I get a bit of money from but there's plenty of like bands and other arts-based people that, yeah, have been left without any kind of livelihood from things closing down and all that, and that's all happening at the moment. So, yeah, I thought that would be a good one to chip into. So, yeah, if you're doing it hard in lockdown,

if you've got a friend doing it hard in lockdown, get them a cameo of Nick Capper being doggy-styled by Gladys Berejiklian, brighten their temper, just a suggestion to spark things off. So, yeah, Sunday, August 22, cameo.com slash badimpressionist. And, yeah, let's do a good thing. Let's raise some money. Can we choose the bands or the artists that the money's going to? Can we pick?

Oh, that's great. Yeah, fuck. I wonder if you can. Maybe I'll try and get someone from Support Act on the phone and, yeah, make a request. Who would you want to give the money to? Who's an Australian artist that you like that you're worried about them hanging up their boots at the end of the pandemic and going,

like, I can't create anymore? I wonder if Coxie from the Fove's is doing okay. I love the Fove's, but he's like a little cockroach. He'll have found – he used to write for like pornos or something like that, so he'll have found something else surely. Yeah, I wonder if we could just scour the internet and find some fucking – surely there's a bunch of ABBA cover bands out there that are doing it hard in lockdown.

Oh, yeah. Me calling up Support Act and going, I want this only to be going to cover bands because let's be honest, they need it the most. Even when gigs are on and they're back out there, they're giving over a lot of the earnings to, you know, they're not their songs. They're having to give over money to ABBA

or whoever that goes to. Can you split this between BABBA and Bjorn again? Can you put it 50-50 between the two of them? Yeah, I want Kistroyer to get a little piece of the pie. I saw them at Meredith once. They were great. Yeah, who else? Who are the other great covers?

You went to see a Ween cover band not that long ago, didn't you? Oh, yeah. A fair while ago now. They were playing again very soon. We were going to go and see them again. Ween. W-E-E-N apostrophe D. a fair while ago now, but, you know. They were playing again very soon, and we were going to go and see them again. Weaned, W-E-E-N apostrophe D. Yeah, fuck, I mean, God.

I mean, I know they'd be rolling in money being a Wean cover band. Right, yeah. That's also such a terrible cover band. Like, you know, a little pun or something you always like to see, but like it's kind of the only time I really like seeing a pun is in the name of a cover band. But calling yourself Weaned, it's like you're just basically using the band's name and then just sticking a letter on the end. Like I know it's a different word, but if you're just straight up

keeping the name of the original band in there, I don't know. Yeah, but I mean, what's the alternative? I don't know. Yeah, nothing jumps out at me Pun wise Pain Okay They're all in the nude

The whole time They've all got their tics out For the entire gig That's not too bad That's actually not too bad I mean I'm sure they're busy playing Whatever the opposite of

Las Vegas is But I'm sure I'm sure they could probably do With a few shekels. But, yeah, I don't know. Maybe, oh, yeah, anyway. What about this? What about if we could hire a – if we found the least successful cover band

and we actually used some of this money to pay them to do a performance for us, that would be good. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. We'd get a commission, yeah. Well, would we have to kind of, you and me, kind of meet in the middle of a band that's a cover band of something that we both quite like?

Like a kind of Melbourne-based. Something we find funny at the very least. Yeah, yeah. Okay. All right. We could keep a little sliver of this. But then we'd need to figure out – we'd need to find a particularly out-of-work, down-on-their-luck cover band.

You know, we don't want to – like I said, we can't hire Bjorn again who are probably nearly as rich as ABBA. Right. And they're going to be fine. Like, you know, a bit of downtime at the moment for sure, but, like, they'll be, you know, in the same way that, like, you know, people were like, well, cruise ships are done after this and then there was that thing, like, halfway through last year.

Nah, the cruise bookings are fucking through the roof. Like, people do not give a fuck. And they fit in that niche of, like, they'll be, you know, they're the cruise ships of cover bands. Like, not give a fuck. And they fit in that niche of they'll be the cruise ships of cover bands. They'll be fine. Yeah, sure. Okay, well maybe we can save

some of that. At the very least, if you want to contribute broadly to the support act, maybe we can save some of it to pick our particular one band or artist or something that we want to contribute to find the fuck this person who's got no hope even outside of the pandemic yeah we yeah we get him to do a little something for the show or whatever we kick him a couple shekels and we say can you come on and do a little i don't know do a little something on the i don't know do a little ditty

for us or whatever is that what you're thinking or we just straight up yeah yeah something like that yeah make it make it make it work for it i like how we like something yeah imagine someone fucked in music doing it hard and they're shit and they got no money if only we knew someone in our own art form that was doing that bad i think we know fucking plenty it's also just like the idea that you know we we hit someone up and they're actually you know they've they've if you're in a cover band it's like a huge that person that you're saying that's that fucked well if they're that fucked they've never let go of like whatever their main day is. So presumably they've just been working from home this whole time. They're fine. It's just their hobby that's been on ice for a bit.

And then they charge us through the nose for this one little performance on the pod. All of a sudden, it's a grand total of about $14 left that's going to Support Act to actually help struggling musos. We actually can't pick someone too bad. We actually need to find someone who's a real five to six out of ten. Someone who's just good enough to kid themselves into thinking they're making it professionally. Yeah.

But isn't good enough to blow up. Well, I'm sure we'll get some leads that we can follow up on after we – I'm sure we'll get some musos that listen to this show that are too poved to subscribe on Patreon that'll put it in their hands up going I've never contributed to your show over the last nine years but I'll have some of your money if that's cool guys

yeah yeah yeah we've got band members that are into this we've got bands out there that enjoy this show yeah we'll be able to scrounge something up. Finally, after giving you guys hundreds of hours of free content, we can finally give back to you.

Yeah, so Sunday, August 22, cameo.com slash badimpressionist. Get around it. Do we want to get straight into the Patreon names? Is it time for that or do we have a talk and give-o update or do we hold it over

if you're busting for nap time? Yeah, I think we hold it over. I think that's how we do it this week. That's fine. If that's okay. Alright, patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. You can get on there. You can get yourself two bonus episodes per week. Really

churning them out at the moment. Lots of great guests. Lots of dicking around behind the paywall at the moment. Yeah. Going straight from giving money to down on their luck, not as talented people that aren't that great at their job. Yeah. Let's double it up and give some money to us for this.

Patreon.com slash little dumdum club heaps of bonus episodes and we give back to you in terms of we read your little precious little names out if you've been subscribing for a while you're always welcome to be the squeaky wheel

and yell out if you think you've been subscribing for quite a while again we've said this a few times, but not these people. It's like, look at their watching. It's been three weeks since we subscribed. We haven't had our name read out yet. It doesn't quite work like that, buddy. Your daughter.

It's three o'clock and I subscribed at midday. Where's my fucking... Absolutely. Fucking hell. So, here's some people. Right now, we're going to... let's read as many as I can out before I absolutely hit the deck, I reckon. Let's go.

Thank you very much to everyone who subscribes. Obviously people who have been there from the start, people who have done the right thing and done the hard yards and also new people, but also in particular this week, just these absolutely random names that we've pulled out of the unplanned title alternator or whatever the fuck it is. I'm not even thinking anymore. Here we go.

Number one cab off the rank this week. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Andy Haig. Andy Haig. Yeah. What do you think about that? Like like the chocolate place spelt the same as the chocolate place i would not have gone with the chocolate place to start with because i don't even know what that means what do you mean the chocolate place h h a i g h no no i was it's spelt the same way as the thing I would definitely more associate with this show.

The Hague, as in the home of the UN's International Court of Justice, where they trial the people for war crimes and things. I've never heard of that. Oh, really? Believe it or not, I'm way more familiar with the chocolate-ery. How do you say it? No. What's that word?

Chocolatier? Chocolatie. How do you say it? No. What's that word? Chocolatier? Chocolatier. Yeah. No, the Hague, H-A-G-U-E, it's actually, it's a weird place. It's like, I think it's sort of like the Vatican in terms of, you know, when you hear about the Vatican, you think, oh, like a building where the Pope lives. No, no, no. It's like a city called the Vatican, which also has a place in it called the Vatican.

I think. So the Hague is an actual city like i've always thought the hague's called is like the name of the court where they where they try people but it's actually the name of the city which i find funny like you've got like the the at the start of the the name of your your hometown it's not the melbourne it's not the helsinki but it is the fact that it's a court yeah the fact that it's a court where people go so it's like you going oh i've got a tram fine i'm just gonna head down to the melbourne to sort this out right yes yes yes i'm contesting my tram fine at the Melbourne. Yeah, well, I'm sure once you get there, they'd all be answering.

They'd be like, well, actually, it's called the Hague's Monster or, you know, whatever, whatever the bullshit they've got. But everyone else, if you're not from – it's like everyone calls it Melbourne. Well, if you're here, it's Melbourne, isn't it? I'm sure they've got whatever it is. They call it the court over there. But yeah, that would be interesting to live in the place that's – like there's one thing to live in Melbourne and be like,

oh, you guys and your laneways and your coffees. It's like, where are you from? The Hague. Oh, you guys with your trying people for blowing up children in wartime. Oh, yeah, yeah. We put that on the postcard. Yeah, yeah, you're right. How does the war crimes court work?

I don't really know too much about it. Like, how do you get – you know, I love the idea that it's just like – yeah, to use the analogy of like a tramp fine. It's like you just – it shows up in the mail. Yeah. Yeah, okay, you're accused of killing innocent civilians. You're up on war crimes. You're like, no, I'm contesting these.

I'm not paying the fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I will be representing myself at the war crimes tribunal. I didn't know that was a nun and I didn't know it was a grenade. So, yeah, no, I've got my solicitor, Brett Blake, to help me. We've landed in Holland. We'll be there soon. We've just got to go to the red light district first

and we'll be straight there. Yep. The Mikey machine was broken and that's why I blew up the orphanage. Okay? So am I walking out of here? Yeah. Now this is a good bit. I'm ready to go.

Okay, I'll take the three demerit points on my war license, but I will not pay the fine. Let's get it down to that. That's it. I want to still be able to be in war. I still want to be able to shoot people, but I'm on my last couple of points. That's fine.

I wonder if we'll ever live to see, you know, they've spun off Law and Order so many times. There's now one that's, you know, there's SVU, which is just all about sexual-based crimes, Special Victims Unit. Yeah, I wonder if we'll live to see Law and Order, war crimes, war crimes. Just going around New York, serving an army general with papers.

Yeah, CSI The Hague. Yeah. That'd be good. That's a fucking good show. Now, that's the show that you and I could be in. You and I playing a couple of hardened war crime cops in The Hague, just like trying to bring people to justice. Who's the guy That used to pull

The glasses down And do the one liner What was that guy's name again You know And then have the guitar sting Yeah yeah Fuck People are fucking

Oh yeah People are fucking People are fucking Screaming People are screaming iPhone Yeah hang on Let me just

It's CSI Miami right That's where he's from Yeah yeah Yeah yeah David Caruso David Caruso. David Caruso. There we go. Lieutenant Horatio Cain.

Yeah, yeah. Well, the, what's it called? The grenade's gone off at the monastery, and he's pulled the sunnies down and gone. Looks like one of the ladies in there has got, pulls the sunnies down, none legs. Boom. Rawr.

There we go. I love, you know, in those sort of shows, the cold open before the credits is generally where you see the crime kind of taking place. And so it'll just be like you see a guy approaching a woman in an alleyway and then something, you know, horrendous happens. On our version of that show, the 30-second cold open that precedes the opening credits costs $45 million because it's like bombs going off, like huge explosions.

It's like we blow all of our budget on the cold open every episode and then the rest of it's just us in a room. And it's all reverse engineered from the jokes like that. We can think of. Yeah. What's the fuck? This dumb joke. All right.

Well, all right. Well, now we're blowing up a monastery and we're killing a woman. All right. Is this now? I don't think this is like, I think what we do is this has to be,

this is the sketch on the funny fellas that becomes its own spinoff. Yeah. This becomes its own. This becomes its own regular show. After we do it once on the show fellas that becomes its own spin-off yeah this becomes its own this becomes its own regular show after we do it once on the show people are like you know this is the yeah this is the big breakout star of the funny fellas oh this is you know what i've got to um oh i've i've i've got a texture in the week that i said you know what i'm going to use this on the show this is i haven't we haven't done a bit of Chandler's phone bag for a while, but people out there do have my phone number.

We haven't talked about that for a little bit, but I legit got an actual piece of content from a listener the other day and I said to them, I'm actually going to use this this week. It was quite good, but now I don't have my phone on me. Hang on one sec. I'm going to go grab my phone. Hang on one second. Do you want to hold it or you don't want to carry it over you

don't want to use the app this is no no no this is talking dumb this is talking dumb hang on one second run off and i'll just narrate what i can see in your room while you're gone okay folks it's just you and me now so what i'm looking at right now i'm looking at um the famous wardrobe that carl often records in front of and i can see myself in the reflection of the zoom yes i'm back you got a cross on your bedroom wall is that what i can see in the reflection oh yeah yeah we do i don't know why it's it's my wife's don't say names thing i don't know she puts a few little things up she she i've said she pretends she's religious she's like oh yeah you know i'm'm this. It's like, when have I ever seen you go to church? She's one of those people. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. So I don't know what she's on

about. One of those, like I said, fake Italian, fake. I don't even know what she is. Is she Catholic? I don't know. I don't even know what it is. I don't understand any of that stuff. It's Catholic, right? If she's Italian, probably. I guess. I don't know. I don't even know what it is. I don't understand any of that stuff. It's Catholic, right? She's Italian, probably. I guess. I don't know. Who knows?

Who cares? Who cares about my wife? Well, not about her, but about a little fairy tale she believes in. I don't know. Let's see. So, I don't know the name of this guy. I should give his phone number out. Hang on. I'm going know the name of this guy. I should give his phone number out. Hang on.

I'm going through the text he sent me. He's been annoying for a while now. Okay. He's okay. He's tried a few submissions. He's given me a few things over the years, I think, over the last couple of years. Yeah, he said Craig.

He's from Adelaide. I can't figure out what his name is. Anyway, right, here we go. Here's his submission for Funny Fellas. Here we go. Oh, okay. Yeah, good. Okay, I like this.

Yep, yep. Yep. A listener, I don't know if we need to credit him as a writer for this. I mean, maybe we do since he's completely come up with him by himself, but here we go. Okay. So just give out, instead of, you don't have his name, but what's the last number

in his phone number? What's the last digit of his phone number? I'll give the last three digits, like, you know, the back of the credit card. 191. So you know who you are. 191. 191. You know who you are.

His submission, for a character for Funny Fellas, what about Barley Belly Dancer? Some lovely lady trying to be all sexy with the veils and whatever whilst also shitting herself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What I love most about this submission is that he's given you the title Barley Belly Dancer and then he thinks so little of your ability to be able to put that together that he's felt the need to give a full description of the character.

No, he won't get it. He won't know what I'm on about. Yeah, yeah. No, no, no. Good for him. Like, why let me do all the punchline? You know, get his jab in himself, you know. That's fine.

No, that's great. That is a fucking – which one of us is playing the Bali belly dancer? I think you. I think you. I think you. I'm really happy you said that because I would love that. In a bit of – yeah, I mean, we often talk about how we envision it being a bit like Little Britain in that we're doing, you know, really dodgy accent work.

It's no good. And then just like some terrible, yeah, going crazy with the wigs and the makeup and the fat suits and stuff. Yeah. So I think I could have a lot of fun in the makeup doing the Bali belly dancer. Yeah. Have we got anything? Is that the entire sketch?

It's just, you know, would it be a bit like, we've got a belly dancer going, oh, great. Oh, the only thing is, oh, slightly different, slightly, slightly. Well, what is it? It can't be too bad. Well, it's less of a belly dancer, more of a Bali belly dancer. Door open, woman with the veils, or you with a dress,

and just shit pouring down your leg. Is that end of sketch? Is that it? Well, I mean, yeah, conceptually, yeah. But, like, we really need to flog the dead horse on this one. So it's not just I walk in with a bit of shit down my leg. You've got your hair braided. There's a dance routine that goes for, like, six minutes.

Like, I'm thinking, like all the best sketches, it has to go for, it really has to overstay its welcome, I think. Right, right. So the gag gets out within five seconds of the sketch opening and then there's just a lot of close-ups of shit dripping out of your ass and shit pouring out yeah yeah down your legs yeah we've got like a um we've got kind of similar to when they do the like diary of volcano in i think it's jackass three we've got we've just got a sort of bit of that you have like a reverse shot of just a fucking guys are coming out of my

asshole as I'm doing a sexy routine and yes braided hair that's a very nice touch maybe a cocktail in the hand yep yep yep bin tank singlet yes there we go there we go

alright well thanks that's a legit good sketch for funny fellas. Yeah, it's awesome. Yeah, that's something we need more to on the other side. Maybe we need to, like, whatever the opposite of punch that one up is, we need to punch it down a bit. Maybe we need to make it a bit worse. Maybe that's a bit too good.

I was going to say, when you were like, does anything else happen? I'm like, it's already a bit too, you know, it's already a bit too high caliber. It's too good. For the funny fellas. But, yeah, I'm thinking. If we stretch it out. You know, sketch shows, they're typically, they're always like front loaded.

You know, they'll put some of the best stuff up the top of the first episode. I could see this being a series opener. I could see this being what we open the whole show on. Yeah. The whole series. Because this is as close to a mission statement as we've ever gotten for the Funny Tellers. And we didn't even

write it. Yeah, exactly. This is a real, you know, you're tuning in, you're not sure what the show's going to be, and then this first thing that happens, this is a real statement of intention of what you're going to be seeing over the rest of the series. Yeah, yeah. This is the best of the whole series so far.

It's written by some cunt from Adelaide that we don't even know the name of. Yeah, we just, the credits at the end, writers, 191. All right, well, thanks, 191, and thanks, Andrew the Hague. Andy Hague. What a combo. All right, thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Gareth Chang. Okay. Yeah.

Interesting. Very interesting. Yeah. How do you feel about that one? A good friend of yours and a beer you enjoy. Not your favorite. Not your favorite, but one you're into. Oh, no.

Chang is your favorite isn't it chang is my favorite like yeah sing is the favorite yeah yeah yeah exactly exactly um no very this is the second chang that we've had as a subscriber on the show actually okay um yeah but i you know he's he's a little fun fact. Well, I don't know. Depends how what your standards for fun is. But I was reading about Chang the other day, actually, and I didn't realize this, but Chang is actually a relatively new beer. Singer was the original Thai beer. Really?

And it's been around for fucking ever. And I think Chang's only been around since the 90s, I think. It's a very Johnny-come-lately. Absolutely. It got made up and then they pushed it pretty hard and I think it became equal and then overtook maybe singer like within 10 years or something like that so um i always thought oh yeah chan classic thailand it's like it's fucking it's about the same age as peanut m&ms it's it's really not it's really not that historical at all

and do you think if you had have known that uh when you were picking your allegiances to the beer do you think that would have changed your tastes in any way? I think it doesn't matter what I think at the moment because I was talking about this the other day, but I believe it's been deleted from Dan Murphy's here in Australia because I've been buying it from Dan Murphy's, the big liquor shop. There's one near my house. And it has been very cheap for a while. I'm like, great.

And I've sort of been just blocking out the fact that they've had like a bit of other detail with it. I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm just buying this beer that's way cheaper than any of the other beer. And it happens to be what I like. And then I've realized I keep going back and all of a sudden there's like no slabs left anymore. There's just like six packs. And all of a sudden I'm going back and there's just loose beers now i'm like hang on a minute what's going on here i haven't read this very well like there's like there's a reason why i've got so many ex-girlfriends that have that have had unresolved fucking stories because i'm not a good reader of fucking signals so i'm just still going and going how come there's only two

bottles of Chang in this entire warehouse? Yeah, we're getting rid of it. What the fuck? And is it like you go back and you notice that every time the pile of Chang that's there is depleted only by the amount that you've bought? Yes.

If you could see the CCTV footage and it's like you're the only one coming into that section. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. So you think it's gone from just your dance or do you think it's gone from dance nationally? Nationally. Nationally. I looked it up because when I finally took the clue and the clue being when I walked into a huge warehouse near my house and there was two bottles, two small bottles left in

the entire place. Two singles left. Yeah. Did you buy them? Did you buy – can you officially say you bought the last two Changs available in Dan if he's near you? I might go there today, actually, because I bought a six-pack and two loose ones the other day and just thought, I can't carry bloody eight of them. You've got to stock up.

Ten of them. You've got to stock up while you can. Yeah. Well, totally, because they're all gone now. I might go past. I might go past today and see if I can get like both singles. Maybe it's the last Chang in Australia. Maybe that's it.

You want a friend of mine who works at Dan Murphy's. Do you want me to message him and see if we can get to the bottom of why they're getting rid of it? What does he do at Dan Murphy's? Does he work on the till? No, he's a bit more, you know, he's a bit more in the mix than that. I don't want to blow up his spot by giving out his exact job title, but he's a bit further up the flagpole. I would love to think that there's any inside story in a retailer

just stopping stocking a beer. in a retailer just stopping stocking a beer. Yeah, I'll... Other than this one, Cunning Hawthorne was the only person that was buying it. Hang on, I'll message him now. Okay. Do you know why Dan's has stopped selling Chang beer. I love the idea that there's any other reason that a retailer has

except that it wasn't selling enough. I love the idea that there's some gossip. But Dan Murphy's for people outside of the country, they're a huge, huge, huge beer retailer. Sorry, alcohol retailer. They sell so much fucking beer. So there'd be tons of stuff there that just doesn't sell. I don't know, for a brand that big,

that seems crazy that it wouldn't be shifting units to just completely get rid of it. They've got so much fucking obscure stuff there. Yeah. I like the idea that maybe the, you know, Thailand has slighted the great Dan Murphy in some way. Like, they've just, they've, I mean, is Dan Murphy actually a guy? Like, is he the actual boss, a bloke called Dan Murphy?

I don't know. Yeah, okay. Well, if my friend writes back to that, that'll be my follow-up question. Yeah. If he gives me a very thought-out answer, I'll be like, great, thanks for your intel. Now, follow-up question. Is Dan Murphy a real guy?

Can you hand your phone over to your boss, Dan, and get him on the line? Yeah. I assume he is because in the logo of the store, they've got like a little caricature of a man who we're looking for. Oh, yeah, well, that makes sense. So, you know, that line is a real person in Paddle P is Dan Murphy. That makes sense. So, you know, that line is a real person in Paddle Pops. So, yeah, sure.

Logos are all real. That's for sure, Tommy. Let's get Ronald McDonald on the line. All right, we've got a bombshell exclusive. Do you know why dancers stop selling Chang beer? Casual racism. And then follow up. Honestly probably just doesn't sell that well.

You heard it here first folks. We've got the scoop from inside the organisation. You heard it here first five minutes ago when I said it but you also heard it now. Two assumptions for the price of one. Congrats guys. Thanks, Gareth Chang, for helping us get to the bottom of, yeah,

we got a scoop. We got a hot scoop. Also, Gareth, I mean, he might be the heir to the Chang fortune, to the Chang beer fortune that's obviously getting smaller, fortune-wise, in Australia because no one's selling it. So, yeah. Sorry about that. The last of the dynasty's dollars are being plowed into this podcast.

That does seem weird to me that it wouldn't be selling that well. Well, only because most of the beer that you see on a regular basis being bought is by me, and that's the beer. So I think I'm pretty – I don't think there's too many other people like me who are deliberately going to the bottle shop and choosing a Thai beer above everything else going on in Melbourne. Yeah, above like a Thai Garora,

like if you want a kind of Asian beer, like a beer from that sort of region. Why is – yeah, Tiger – you can get Tigers more easier than all the others. I don't know why. I don't know – who's got an allegiance with Tiger? Fucking hell. I guess like a lot of things it's probably just like the company that goes hardest on doing the, you know, advertising or the whatever it is where

they just get that, you know, they just get that recognition and cling on. Dan Murphy's is more singer now. So they haven't deleted singer. So now I'm going to – I've always been a Chang man. Now I'm going to have to be a singer man. But you can – at least now that you know that fact about Chang and singer, you can feel good about it because it's like – I do.

Well, now you know that you're supporting the old dog. Yeah, yeah, more traditional. I thought I was being traditional already, and all this time I've been on the coattails of a fly-by-nighter. So maybe this is good in a way. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, fuck.

Okay, all right. Well, all right. Now I'm glad we've managed this. Now I feel happier. All right. Yeah. Okay, All right. Well, all right. Now, I'm glad we've managed this. Now, I feel happier. All right. Yeah. Okay. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber.

Here we go. Arish Dutt. Arish. I presume. Arish? Maybe Arish. Arish. Arish.

Arish Dutt. A-R-I-S-H. Surname D-U-T-T. Arish Dutt. Wow. Arish Dutt. Wow. Arish Dutt. Yeah. Wow.

You nailed it. What do you reckon? What's the nationality that that sort of name comes from? Is it subcontinent? That's my initial feelings. Are you doing a little background check here? I am trying to yep

hang on my friend just sent me another message I really hope this isn't the thing that breaks the camel's back this lockdown because I haven't said I'm talking about it on a podcast or anything I'm just out of the blue like why don't Dan's have shag anymore yeah yeah yeah great about it on a podcast or anything. I'm just out of the blue like, why don't Dan's have shag anymore? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Great. It sounds like it might be for you though, so yeah. Yeah. Well, it was until we worked things out. Yeah. All right, all right. I found – oh, no. This is no good. I found one person on Facebook.

It's called Arish Dutt. He's from Sydney. So this might be our man. But he is chock-a-block with pictures of being at Manchester United's home ground. So fuck Arish Dutt. Have you cross-referenced him in the Facebook group? No. I will do that right now, though.

That is the way to find him. That is in the Dumb Dumb Club Millionaire Club, which is for people if they want to join, if they've subscribed to our Patreon. Yep. Let's see if he is in there. I've just got to see which Arish Dutt we're talking about because he's a pretty common name.

Let's see. He's not even in there. He's missed the trick there. He hasn't even bothered. This could be a coincidence. This could be just a different guy. It is a bit of a whack at the face. It is an extra insult where these people pay for the Patreon, they get the episodes and

they go, yeah, they don't really want to converse with you though. Thank you anyway. Yeah. I mean, you know, I don't hate it. It's just like, yeah, you know, pay the money, get the ebbs, you know. Don't want to talk to you guys. Don't want to talk to people that listen to you i'm uh i'm good i'm good thanks well back in the day you know when patreon first started they were like their thing their advice to creators was you gotta don't look

at this as people are paying you for the extra content look at it as people are paying to support the show the thing that you already do for free and then the extra content is just a nice little thank you. And then quickly over time that has morphed into the only things that are really successful on Patreon are the things that churn out, you know, dozens and dozens of hours of bonus stuff. So it very quickly did turn into, no, no, you are paying for the bonus shit. You're not just doing this out of the goodness of your heart. So their words absolutely fell on deaf ears once the first creator to go,

no, we're going to put up fucking four things a week on Patreon. And then they became millionaires and it was like, all right, well, I guess that's what we've all got to do now. Yeah, it's all well and good for them to say that, but the market is dictating how this fucking works. And what that means is we do our podcast for free, but we get paid for our bonus episodes. That's how it works.

Yeah, it was a sweet little system there for a little bit. But, yeah, thanks very much, Patreon. I think we'll tell you how you're going to get your 5% for doing absolutely fuck all this in your mind. Yeah, absolutely. Well, Arista knows what he wants, and he doesn't want any part of communication with us or our listeners, which is fine, you know?

Absolutely fine. Do what you want. This one-way chain of communication where we're speaking at him on the show and then he's got no course of reply. That's just how he wants it. He's sitting there. He's probably mispr just how he wants it. He's sitting there. He's probably mispronouncing his name. He's furious about it, but guess what?

He's got no way of letting us know. That should be the separate tier. It should be the $10, and you get the bonus episodes. You get to be in the group. $15, you never have to talk to us again or anything to do with us. But we force you at $10. We force you into the group, and we force you into ten dollars we force you into the group and we force you into conversations with us yes and our listeners yep you have to be basically lifeline for us yeah

yeah all right well i mean look irish probably doesn't even want us talking to him right now this is this is probably this is probably too much right now he's like yeah this is purely charity for for me i'm purely trying to get you guys through lockdown don't take take my name out of your fucking mouth yeah yeah he's got um he's got his headphones in he's in sydney so he's presumably just wandering around the good guys at the moment yeah yeah he's listening to the leading a parade a parade Yeah He's just blushing Going guys don't talk about me I'm shy Yeah

He's got a thousand people And he's very special Couldn't do without A 34th birthday Need to do it So Yeah Yeah

I hope they don't I hope they don't bring in The curfew to 4am, Arish, up there in Sydney. Yeah. It would really kill you guys up there. Well, anyway, I hope this is enough for you. I'm sure it's too much for you.

I'm sure you've got better shit to do, Arish, so apologies. But also, fuck Manchester United. Sorry about that. Take that, Arish. There's not a damn thing you can say in reply to it. You expected that from two dyed-in-the-wool Liverpool supporters like myself and Tommy Daslow. You've been to Anfield.

You've been to a game. You love it. Mate, I've got the beanie. You bought a beanie. You got the beanie and I've seen you wear it maybe once and that was at the game. So I know how much you feel about the team. I break it

out from time to time, you know, when it's beanie weather. I'm not wearing a beanie right now. I'm not wearing that beanie, but yeah, it's still, it's in the rotation. It gets a little run. I think I've bought everything else in the superstore over there. Maybe I might put in a mail order to buy that beanie off you. I think I've got everything else. Yeah, I don't think you, was this before we

recorded the ep, you were saying you were hitting the Liverpool store again last night. How much Liverpool clothing do you own right now, including the stuff you just recently bought that's on its way to you now? God, I bought something on eBay the other day that was just like, I just got it and it was like clearly like pirate stuff. I just bought a fake Away shirt from 1994 for some reason.

I'm like, why have I fucking done this? And it's clearly not real. The sponsor's logo is just stuck with some form of cardboard on the front of the shirt. But we're in double digits now, right, of Liverpool clothing items? Oh, absolutely. I've got, you know, I'm deep. I'm not even buying what they wear on the –

like generally what people do is they're aspirational. They buy the shirt that they're heroes, that Liverpool players are wearing on the field. I'm buying the tracks. I'm buying the behind-the-scenes staff uniform at the moment. I'm cosplaying as the scenes staff uniform at the moment i'm cosplaying as the youth team coach at the moment that's what i'm fucking yeah you're about to get a hen at the woman in the canteen at the yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm i'm i'm buying the uniform of the valet at the front at the moment that's that's what i'm down to at the moment well you know it's

like yeah we've talked a lot about it in the last year and a half, but the lockdown purchases. My girlfriend looked over my shoulder at me on the phone the other day and saw me eyeing off about to purchase Seinfeld Lego and went, don't you dare. I was like, what, it'll be a fun day building it. And she's like, yeah, but then where's it going to sit? You're going to want to put it on the bookcase. You're going gonna want to have it in a communal area of our house and i do not want that i'm like yeah that's very fair but fuck a lego day is i'll tell you what it's a lot of fun

it's a very nice zen activity well i should go on i should i probably shouldn't say this and i'll get in trouble but as long as no one gets it back to don't say her name, maybe I can get away with it. But, yeah, good luck with that. Speaking of Seinfeld, she supports what Michael Richards did at the Laugh Factory? No, no. Two of the biggest disgraces in modern time at the Laugh Factory,

Kramer on the stage and Tommy Dassel on the stage 10 years later. There we go. Doing something just as offensive just in terms of quality that's all. People in that crowd were begging for some of the hanging from the trees gear

with what I was doing. Yeah. The same sort of reaction from the audience, just for different reasons. Yeah. No, don't say no. In terms of lockdown shopping, just a classic snapshot of what a lot of people were doing all at once in lockdown. Just whacking on a few kegs, then buying a completely new outfit for that change of weight.

And then as soon as she got the new wardrobe, just going, oh yeah, now I'm going to work out and lose it all. And then has just bought this wardrobe of clothes that fit her for maybe a weekend. So, yeah. So, wait, she bought slightly bigger stuff because she put on a bit of weight and then very quick – and then went, this is me forever now, and then very quickly lost the weight. So, now the stuff is big.

Yes. Yes, absolutely. Just like ran out of things to buy online that were that size. There was just stuff coming every day. She bought everything online that's in that size. Yeah, yeah. Honestly, every day I'm like, oh, we've got visitors. We're not allowed to have visitors.

They're like, of course there's not visitors. It's a fucking postie every day with a new parcel. Yeah. That's pretty funny. Putting on weight because you feel like you've clocked medium. You're like, ah, I just own it all now. If I put on a bit, I can start again with all the same stuff, but I'm large this time.

Yeah, yeah, lovely, lovely. So it's almost like she got bored with the clothes shopping. It's like, what can I do that's different to shopping? I know, exercise. And then now it's like, all right, well, that's all filled up the wardrobe for no good reason. And we're just full of that size of clothes now. I mean, I have been, you know, with the very stop-start nature of the lockdowns in the city,

I've been fucking all over the place, I feel like. Like, I've got stuff that I bought a year ago that I'm like, I still have no idea. Like, every time I put this on, it fits differently because we're either in a lockdown and I've had a week where I'm like, I can't be fucked or we're out and I'm hitting the gym pretty regularly again. It's like there's shirts that I'm like, is someone just putting a different one of these

in the wardrobe every time I put it on? It's like every time I put it on, it feels completely different. So I can definitely relate. I'm in my thing of like, you know, running every day, like running pretty hard every day, but offsetting it by eating like absolute shit every day. And I've had a couple of injuries lately where I just haven't adjusted the eating. And it's like two days later, I've put on two and a half kilos.

It's like, and later i've put on two and a half kilos it's like and i just haven't i haven't been smart enough to um to figure out the difference in what i should be doing yet i think i i think i mentioned this briefly last week but i've been on antibiotics for the last week and they're pretty like hectic and they're i've got to take them three times a day and i don't normally i just stopped having breakfast a few years ago like i never breakfast. But because I've got to take this antibiotic with food and I've got to take them three times a day. So this last week, it's kind of been nice because it's been like I've just used this as an excuse to like get up and go

and get a little breakfast something from like somewhere nearby. Oh, yeah. And just really treating it like heading down the street to get a bacon and egg roll and being like, doctor's orders, I have to do this. Yeah, yeah. This is a medicinal footlong. Yeah, yeah, for sure.

Just before we started recording, I took my last antibiotic of the course. I'm like, it's, you know, I'm worried now that it's like I've actually, I've reset my body and now I'm going to be, you know, because my whole plan the whole time was like once that's done, I'll just go back to not having going to be, you know, because my whole plan the whole time was like, once that's done, I'll just go back to not having breakfast again. Because I, you know, I find it pretty easy to just not have and just roll straight into lunch at like midday. But like, I'm worried now that I've reset myself and now I'm just going to be fucking

fanging for a scramby at 9am every day. So, yeah. Yeah. Well, thanks, Arish Dutt. How was the fucking day? All right. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Matthew Stapleton. Okay.

Okay. Staples. Yes. Yes, Tommy. That's a chain of office supply stores in the States, isn't it? Is that a real thing? Is it office supplies? Is isn't it is that a real thing is it is it is it um office supplies is that what it is because i always always i always think it is but then i but then because it's like what the

is it the staples arena the staples center yeah yeah yeah it's very um it's like a very on the nose name for a store isn't it like there's not really you know there's not there's not like a very on-the-nose name for a store, isn't it? Like there's not really, you know, there's not like a clothing store just called Shirt. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just the whole chain pulled up, like a thing that you sell. Yeah, but also a very small, insignificant thing that you would buy very rarely.

Like that's like going into a – Probably the thing that they sell the least of, ironically enough. Going into a clothing store and going, can I, oh yeah, yeah, I'm just heading down to Thimbles or fucking whatever. Do me a favour, look them up right now while we're talking. Go onto staples.com. I am, I'm already there.

Have you seen, how funny is their logo? Oh, it's a staple. God. That looks so stupid. That, yeah. That is, that's a, I would love to know the figure that they got given, the graphic design firm for doing that logo. That is.

Yeah, yeah. That's real Batman style. Like, what if the logo was just a, but, so the store is called Staples, plural, and then this logo is just one staple. It should be... A better logo would be... I think staples look so cool when they're in the little...

What do you call it? The little kind of... The way they come. The way you get them out of the box. They're all stuck together. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely.

When there's a million of them stuck back to back. A flock of staples. There's probably an official term for it. But that could be, if they made that version of what they've got there, if they made that kind of like 3D and made it kind of stretch back and you could see all the little, and then it was a plural of staples, you could make a kind of cool, vibey-looking little logo out of that instead of just what this is, which looks like absolute shit.

Yeah. Staples. Fucking hell. That is a weird piece to concentrate on, to single out. Like if you were starting up an office supplies store and you had to pick one thing, one item, that you have to name the whole company after, what would you go with?

For an office supplies place? Yes, yes. That's a really good question. I'm just kind of looking up what they've got. I'm looking up their cleaning and break room deals. It's so funny that, you know, in these office supply stores, you can then just buy coffee because it's technically something that you need at the office. Oh, absolutely.

Just instant coffee. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, now that I'm – the more we're talking about it, the more I'm thinking – yeah, Staples does kind of make the most – because Staples, at least, like it's a cool – Oh, what? Now you like it. Just calling it like – calling it – well, now that I'm thinking about it more critically, like what's the alternative, calling the store desk? So that's the thing that you're probably going to sell more of.

I was going to go with papers. Papers. Papers, yeah. Pens. I like pens. I like pens. Pens. Pens.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's go down to pens. Yep. You know what? I'm liking being on the website for this American chain. I was watching something last night that I downloaded from a torrent. I'll say it publicly. I don't give a fuck.

Whoa. Watching a show called Stanley Tucci Searching for Italy, which isn't on any – you can't get it here. Oh, is it rare? Is it rare? It's on CNN in the States, so it's not on streaming here. You can't buy it. So you're a bit of a collector.

Okay. Right. What do you mean? Well, you know, this is just sort of like, this is you showing off. You guys wouldn't get it here. Yeah. It's European.

Yeah. Yeah, sort of. It's rare. You guys wouldn't have. I got the only copy of it, actually. Yeah, you've got to be pretty galaxy brain to understand the concept of the actor stanley tucci eating a spaghetti rime you guys wouldn't get it it's it's

real kind of highfalutin stuff but um you know you know when you download like a torrent of something that someone's ripped off tv and then put on the internet of course they cut the ads out we're watching an episode of it last night where for whatever reason the person who'd uploaded it had just left all the ads in from the original american broadcast great and in lockdown and in the pandemic it really was depressingly enough the next best thing to a holiday like we were sitting there just watching ads for like american department stores and cars and it really was like yeah this is like we've just gotten into the hotel and chucked on the tv and like wow look how different everything is here it was um the thrill the thrill of international chocolate bars and stuff like that and you just go oh my god and you and you

get one and then it's like oh okay i get it it's just like everything in america is like sort of like a snickers bar yeah like at the time you're like oh this is so international this is so cool it's like that's all the fucking same it's just you haven't seen the brand name before you haven't seen that logo before yeah i remember being at uh when we were at school we had a couple of uh different things that we would watch like movies or whatever in various classes that had all been taped off the telly but they had been taped off the tv like 10 to 15 years earlier and it was just this like one vhs that's just been you know that's all been taped off the telly, but they had been taped off the TV like 10 to 15 years earlier. And it was just this like one VHS that's just been, you know,

that's just been with the school for that entire time. And all the ads were still on it, on these tapes. But because they're ads from like all this time ago, so the ads coming up and the teacher, you know, going to like fast forward through them and all of us going like, no, leave this on. We want to see how they were advertising the Mars bar back in like, you know, 19, this is the best bit.

Why are you cutting through this? Just being like kids just screaming to just actually like, could not give a fuck about, you know, us watching To Kill a Mockingbird or whatever. Just like, yeah, show us the ads for fucking, you know, full frontal that were in this tape. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, I love that shit. Absolutely.

All right. Well. Thanks, Mr. Stapleton. Yeah. Thanks, Matthew Stapleton. Thanks, Maddy. Maddy S. Okay.

Well, the original plan before we started this was me saying, let's do a short one of this because I want to go to bed. Anyway, it looks like this is just as long as any other time we ever do Talking Dumb Dumb. Thank God we didn't do Talking Gibbo. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Let's do one more then.

If we do one more, that'll just about be about the normal time we do it. So, okay. Let's do this. Okay, thank you very much. Final cab off the rank. No one talks about the final cab off the rank. So who's the first one? Thank you very much to the final cab off the rank this week.

Patreon subscriber, thank you very much too. Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm not sure if we've done something like this before okay alright we can I don't know if I should allow this but it feels more like a corporate sponsorship than a listener

okay alright thank you very much so it says here it's the one stop superstore that everyone goes to for for props okay for for notebooks, for microphones,

for fake brick walls. Old school Elvis style microphones. Absolutely. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber, the store called, the chain called Comedies. Yep. From before. Thanks, everyone.

What have they got on sale at the moment? What's the biggest discount? Comedies. I don't know. Something we've already said. The arrow through the head. Is that the rubber chicken? Yep.

Sure. Okay. Thanks, everyone. The flannelette shirt. Thanks, everyone who supports the show on Patreon. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Get yourself the bonus episodes. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Get yourself the bonus episodes. LittleDumbDumbClub.com.

Get some merch. We've got heaps of stuff there in the web store. And, yeah, thank you for listening. We will see you next time. I'm going to bed. Take care. See you, mates. See you, mates.