The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 574 - Nazeem Hussain & Nick Cody

Episode Date: September 29, 2021

It's another great mates catch-up with Hall-of-Famers NICK CODY and NAZEEM HUSSAIN! We try and debunk one of the most interesting rumours about the vaccine, Nazeem's been a naughty little boy during one of his many media appearances, Tommy's got the inside word on a right-wing comedy night, Karl's father-in-law has some questions about Maryborough AND we've got an idea for a new live show location, if and when these lockdowns ever end! PLUS the first ever al fresco edition of Talkin' Dum Dum! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Nazeem Hussain and Nick Cody. This episode is brought to you by Spleen Bar, 41 Bourke Street, Melbourne. When things are open again, get in down to the best dive bar in town. Of course, there's comedy on Mondays as well. Get into it when you can. Yeah, we're doing it again at the Spleen Bar in this episode. We are going to be back to talk more to you at the end of the episode in Talking Dumb Dumb. But until then, enjoy this new one with Nazeem Hussain and Nick Cody.

Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and with me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day Dick Hand. Oh, fuck my ass, I love broadcasting. Please welcome into the show two very special guests, Nazeem Hussain and Nick Cody.

Oh, Nazeem's been busting just to get back into a pub again, so we're here. I love pubs and I love male-only podcasts. Yep. You came to the right place. Perfect table. Empty pubs. Yeah, we've marched here. We marched.

Yeah, we marched across the West Gate. Nothing covering my face. Fresh air. But as a Muslim, are you wrapped to just say heaps of empty pubs? They're getting on board. Everyone has covered their faces and stay at home. The schools are shut. It's like the Taliban.

We should reiterate from last week, in case anyone didn't catch that episode, this is a new rule that is in effect in Melbourne. You can have five people in a venue for the purposes of broadcasting. And if this isn't broadcasting, then brother, I don't know what is. I thought, because you said, come on down, effect in Melbourne you can have five people in a venue for the purposes of broadcasting and if this isn't broadcasting then brother I don't know what is.

I mean I thought because you said come on down we're going to break some rules today we're going to do a broadcast. Yeah no we're

allowed to. This is under the rules of mental health we're allowed to do this because it's not that there's a lot of people at home that need to

hear this it's more if me and Tommy do any more Zoom shows we're going to fucking kill ourselves. You've been vaxxed haven't you? Yeah You've been vaxxed, haven't you? Yeah, I'm fully vaxxed. What about you?

Yeah, I'm fully vaxxed. AstraZeneca? What about you? I'm Pfizer. Got the Pfizer. Now, look, my ankle's wrapped up. So look what it fucking did. What happened to your ankle?

Man, six weeks after I got the jab, I tripped over in a park. They don't fucking tell you that, do they? My friend's been sending me TikTok videos. He's double jabbed. No, he's single jabbed. He's nervous about getting the second one

because the TikTok video says when you're vaccinated your sperm tastes different. And so he... So he's been drinking his own sperm and he's worried about that? I was like, who cares?

Like, you know... Yeah, I don't know how you... That's going to be hitting the stand-up stage in a few months, isn't it? Who was the first bloke to figure that out? Yeah, I don't know. That's going to be hitting the stand-up stage in a few months, isn't it? Who was the first bloke to figure that out? Yeah, I don't think Orson made it. Is there a pineapple-flavoured vax that he could go for?

Is that something? Yeah. I don't know how they tested that. Maybe it is a sperm count. I kind of didn't read. But which vax is that meant to be? Because Pfizer supposedly makes your big naturals bigger. That was a thing that was going around for a year.

Probably because the enlarged heart pushes the chest out. Both hearts. Is it Astra that's making you come taste different? I don't know. Are you kidding me right now? I'll go in and get another one.

It's not me, by the way. It's not mine. We're in a pub. Let's just drink beer instead of whatever you guys are talking about. No, we did this last week. I'm bored of it already. I want to up the ante. Boys, backs down.

Let's go. Come on, tap. Oh, God. You were saying something. Literally, I interrupted something. Did you? I feel like I did. You were going around in a? Literally, I interrupted something. Did you? Yeah, I feel like I did. You were going around a circle.

Fuck, we were in a pub. We've run out of conversation, and we fucking haven't seen each other for six months. Yeah. Honestly, do you know how excited I was to do this? I was like, this is... Yeah. I went to Zoom the other day. I was with Hughsy.

I was yelling in my son's bedroom. You know? This is what I'm loving about this. You've come in here. We kind of figure we'll get our mates in. We haven't seen each other for ages. We did this last week and everyone's wrapped and whatever. Just to have something to do.

You're the fucking busiest man in showbiz. I'm not the busiest man. What are you talking about? You are. You're always doing fucking something. I'm absolutely not busy at all. You are. I spent the weekend putting up Melbourne flags inside my house.

Yep. And then up on the fence and I went to the shop to buy them. We didn't do any of that So that sounds busy to us Yeah There's anti-vax COVID deniers Who are less busy Than you at the moment

Now what do they call that What do they call it Like when you're busy working When it's not working You know when they say Like shit Working No

No when they What's it called It's called You know like When you're busy working Busy work Hardly working Or working hardly

Busy work Oh right You're busying yourself Yeah It's not real work So it's like You know when you've got Like for instance Carl When you're busy working. Busy work. Hardly working or working hardly? Busy work is a term. Oh, right. You're busying yourself. It's not real work. So it's like, you know when you've got like, for instance, Carl, I don't know what your job is. What's your job? Making the podcast.

Yeah. So all day you don't make the podcast. You're just, you know, you're making- Doing other shit. Admin and emails. Combing your hair. Oh, wow. You put that on your list.

You haven't checked it off today That's busy work Right So I do a lot of busy work Okay You know to fill up the time Like what What were you doing today

Today Today I went and I bought I actually did buy My Muscle Chef meal Oh there you go Yeah Great I saw in the fridge

There was There was Because last time We were in your house A long time ago Yeah It's literally all you eat Yeah

Pre-packaged muscle Food things So I had Chipotle chicken burrito It's real good 704 calories guys Sounds good 60 grams of protein

61 grams of carbs I can't remember the fat Now you may look at Naz And look at me And go hold on Their waistlines are different But they're both eating My muscle chef

Well I like to add A little bit of stuff On to the my muscle chef well I like to add a little bit of stuff onto the my muscle chef like a milkshake yeah an entire block of chocolate not better tasting sperm

well your business you do the project every week you do one day a week I do the one hour show every week yeah well that's

you've got to go into makeup you've got to do you've got to sit in that room people don't know how that is a gruelling show you've got to sit into makeup. You've got to do... You've got to sit in that room. People don't know how... That is a gruelling show. You've got to sit there

with smart people. This is what I loved. Now, last week... So you do... You're a guest host once a week. Yeah. I happened to be watching it last week when you were on

and I started texting you going... Thinking, you know, I'm taking a picture of you on the TV, on my TV and sending it to you

and making jokes and whatever, thinking... It's like an auntie. You're in show business. How are you in there? How did you get in the box in my house? Is it going to come out of the screen like the girl in the ring?

Naz? Wait, does a girl come out of the screen in the ring? Yes. Sorry, spoiler alert. Sorry, in case you ever find a blockbuster again and hide that out. Sorry about that, Naz. I ruined the first two minutes of The Ring for me Wait is that the premise of The Ring?

Like they should put it in the box or something No no no Yeah you put the tape in And then there's a video of a girl And she comes out of the screen and kills you That's right Yeah but that's So now I've given away

You need to put a spoiler alert at the start of the show 2003 Yeah That's a Coming up to 20 Alright fair enough So you're on I'm texting you

I'm taking a picture of the TV I'm sending it to you we go back and forth and you start texting me back and I'm like hang on a minute that's right

the fucking project's a live show Naz has got the fucking he's got his phone under the desk I love it not under the desk on the desk

but the shot the shot is like from about 20 centimetres above yeah he's live on air and he's texting me I love it and you can see him, he's live on air and he's texting me. I love it. And you can see him and he's like answering people

and he's just got the hand down, texting me. He starts videotaping himself. He turns the camera on. Upskirting himself. Yeah, he's live on the project. I get a thrill out of doing stuff like that, like knowing that the question could come to me. Oh, man.

The thing is, I don't know about you, but on that show, if you're the comedy person on the show, you don't necessarily need to... You're not leading the discussion. You might have a question or two to ask. Oh, man. The thing is, I don't know about you, but on that show, if you're the comedy person on the show, you don't necessarily need to... You're not leading the discussion. You might have a question or two to ask. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're being funny at the end of it. Yeah, and sometimes they will say,

Nazeem, do you want to ask this question? So the question is already kind of there for you and you can put it up on autocue. So often, I will just literally read what's on autocue and learn about the news as you're showing on air. You're your own newsreader. And I'm surprised. I'm like, oh, yeah.

So you're putting yourself in the mindset of the viewer at home. I just want to make it clear. So you're reading it like, yeah, and they've bombed Beirut. What? It's a funny name. It's got root at the end. I feel like I'm probably going to lose my gig there. No, no, no.

What we should know, what we need to do is, now that I know that you're up for doing stuff like this, we're going to find fucking shit for you to do on air for the fucking listeners. You know what he's doing? Presenting a TV show. That's what he should be doing on air. No, but that's actual work.

He needs some busy work in the middle of doing the presentation. He's not like a footie mascot that's meant to run around and fucking work. If he's got time to video himself and send it to me whilst he's doing the newsroom, he's got time to say dumb stuff that we tell him to do. It's going to get him in trouble, though. You know, he's going to fuck up. But not us.

Hey, Carl, yeah, motherfucker, bro. Anyway, what's that school shit? Solemn. yeah motherfucker bro anyway what's that school shit oh solemn if something gets a reaction in the rehearsal I'll probably say an on air so like the other day the protesters

the tradies were protesting about tea rooms you remember that and then just before the like during an ad break they said we're going

to talk about that and I was like well hang on a second so these tradies are protesting about a tea room that's isn't that like everybody else

isn't working you know that's ridiculous what do we want oh great when do we want it now and everybody in like in the ad break laughed i'll say that and then just before they're like 10 seconds i was like wait hang on a second i'll say that but is are you sure there's no like industrial like is this a legitimate um grievance of the workers am i just going to be a mouthpiece for corporations and they're like nah nah so i was all right that's all i needed to hear yeah and then I said it I got flooded with DMs from construction workers

calling me a cunt threatening to bash me nice so you don't need much to convince me to say pretty much anything yeah great

great alright like my sister good plumbers are cunts say that say that it's got to be off the news story

so you've got to be on the day of the news see what's going on form an opinion and that'll be my opinion. Okay. He's living purely on three My Muscle Chefs a day. He's going to need a plumber pretty soon, I reckon.

I love the idea of me telling people that I write for the project when in truth what it is. I'm watching the news every day and writing things to Nazeem to say off the cuff. I'm not employed by them. Did you get anything on last night? Yeah, I got Naz to go...

Watching a back show with my mum and dad. You can see him look down in camera right here. And that's it, a text that I sent him. Pretty cool stuff. You know, it's an edgy show, guys. Carl, you're right for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't, you know...

Never written for me. No, I've never written for you. I can't tell Pete Helly to tell everyone to go fuck themselves. But I think we would possibly get to do it. No, I'll tell you why. It's only because when I'm on, I'm in Melbourne and everybody else is in Sydney. So I'm in a room. Literally, it's like a Zoom gig.

I'm looking at them on a screen and then I have them in my ear. They're not real. They're not real. I don't, like every time I talk, they, you can just see them all like, the guy on the screen. It's like someone on the TV is heckling them doing TV it's a weird so I'm bored

that's why I scroll I'm not bored I'm like okay well we'll give you some things to do next time I know you're on Fridays we'll get some submissions

from the listeners yeah great I'm bored Nazeem wants the news to be more interesting there's not quite enough going on there is

there literally was I mean I work on Wednesdays and people send messages and they're insane. But there has been a couple of messages in a row where someone said, I'm sick of all this COVID news. Can you not mention it for a week? Like, seriously. And I'm like, are you fucking insane?

She's like, yeah, but I'm sick of watching it. It's like, watch the other channel then. You can't ignore it at the moment. Turn off the news, yeah. Turn on to some other channel and yeah you can't ignore it turn off the news yeah turn on to some other channel and watch seinfeld it'll be on turn on any other channel and watch sign turn on the other news program where they focus on aids related deaths yeah yeah yeah the 1986 news i love the idea i said aids are not cancer out of respect thank you man i appreciate that we really appreciate that.

Respectfully. I respectfully made fun. Because it is like Candyman. You can't say it horrible. Just appear. I won't be siding with the construction industry. You're a good guy. Thank you very much.

Me and the other cancer survivors. I'm sensitive about that. You are. You are known for your deaf touch on that subject. You are. You're pro-cancer. That'll be Naz next Friday. Naz 10, 9. AIDS is funny, yeah?

Yeah. All right. let's go Oh no Oh dumb dumb made me say it No I think you're one of the only members Of the cancer surviving community That I know I think you're going to say

That you like Yeah I know Like see if I ever get cancer By cancer I could be like No no no Some of my best friends Are cancer survivors

So that'll be you so I've got to maintain this friendship right so you make a dodgy joke on the project so one of your dumb audience

you need to trot me out to be like he's a good guy you'll be there next to me at the podium I can say the C word because I know one

yeah exactly I'll take off his hat and be like look see he's still kind of bald and you think I'd defend you in that situation.

I know you'd defend me. How many bloody countless? I will do this show forever just with that promise. Right, right, right. That's why you do it. I love the idea of you calling me up and being like, I need your help. And me just being like, what's it worth to you?

You only get to use this card once. Okay, I'll come out and defend you. But what I want is for the episode of the cooking show that we filmed at your house to finally go to air after four long years. You can say it, but I want your bone marrow. Do you know Kylie? Am I even allowed to?

I don't even remember what the NDA that you signed. I think it's up. It's a show that never went to air and is never going to go to air. Not Kylie Kwong, but it might be Kylie Kwong. Because it was three years ago. Someone may have fronted a cooking show. What about Greek Fleet and Adam Hill shows? This won't go to air.

Naz had a completely different wife back then, so they're not going to put it to air. I was between wives. Between wives back then. Can you green screen it? We need to get Skywalker Ranch to CGI the new wife into this footage. Yeah, change the guns in the hand of walkie-talkies. It's like, all of a sudden, Naz is married to Jar Jar Binks.

Don't think about your wife like that. No, look, six months today, by the way. Six months today? Yeah, happy anniversary. Thank you very much. I did. No, look Six months today, by the way Six months today Marriage, yeah Happy anniversary Thank you very much I did When Nazeem got married

And I heard about it on this podcast He said It's where you find out all that gossip It's a new idea of comedy Who's dating who? He said, what does it take to get Australian married? And I just sent him a photo of a platter of dim sims and spring rolls with a big bowl of tomato sauce.

And I said, there needs to be a massive one of these. You know what? I'll do that. We were supposed to. You haven't had the Australian one yet. Last time you were on Mutual TV, you just got Muslim married. The Muslim one, you can be Australian and Muslim at the same time, mate. Don't say...

I'm just quoting you. What you've done is call all Muslims aren't Australian. What podcast is this, mate? It used to be... No, I'm not getting cancelled. It's always been the same time, mate. Don't say... I'm just quoting you. What you've done is call all Muslims un-Australian. What podcast is this, mate? It used to be... No, no, it's always been the same. This has gotten more polite, if anything. I can't get in trouble for this because I actually use you as the Muslim friend example.

Okay, all right, Tommy. You now have to allow me to use you as a cancer character reference because if you ever get cancelled by Muslims... Yeah. I'll go. In an ideal world, it happens on the same day. You getting cancelled by Muslims Yeah I'll go In an ideal world It happens on the same day You getting cancelled by the cancer community And me getting cancelled by the Muslims

You both have your apologies Over the top of each other Yeah You say mine No we don't want to Louise it I feel like mine's more My character reference is more important though Because

If you get cancelled by Muslims Yeah It could end badly Like you get cancelled by Muslims, it could end badly. Like you get cancelled online and maybe offline. Okay, yeah, yeah. There's not a reputation of cancer survivors coming to get you. Yeah, well, all I'm saying is I haven't heard of many cancer cells.

And also, you're more active in the Muslim community than I am in the cancer community. Even if I tried to turn them against you, they'd be like, who are you? So do you go to cancer surviving events? No, there's not like... We don't have the equivalent of like a mosque. There's no WhatsApp or anything?

No Facebook page. You don't use Ronald McDonald House like that. Man, I should get more. I should be getting rights in it. You could be someone... You're like a role model. My parents lived at Ronald McDonald House for a bit. Your parents went there?

Yeah. They stayed there for a bit. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. That's where the families get to. When he was sick, not just. When you're sick. You can't just go now and be like, my kid had cancer.

Yeah. Maybe you can. Maybe you get like a platinum card. Just a heritage suite. Treating it like a love hotel in Japan. Yeah. Happy anniversary babe Remember when we stayed here 20 years ago

When our kid nearly fucking offed himself Let's go back Nearly offed himself Wow That is ultimate victim blaming Sorry didn't you deliberately get it Sorry I thought it was cancer suicide

I loved playing down at the old radiation factory I thought you were like two packs a day back then when you were 12. That's all. Sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, all right. You've got yourself a deal. But no, because last episode you were talking about you're going to have two separate weddings.

You had the Muslim wedding. We had the Muslim wedding. That's just basically. But were you. The one where you're not allowed to invite your other friends. There were non-Muslims. There were heaps of non-Muslims. The friends you're embarrassed of.

What that was is. Okay, you know how you lot, you do the church thing where you go down the aisle, there's a guy at the end, and he says, do you take, all that stuff? We did the Muslim. Bit of a nose. He didn't say that. Don't do the voice. The guy at the end of the aisle goes, here he is, the great man. He actually didn't say that exactly at my wedding.

Remember? Oh, hang on. Oh! That still hurts. No, so we did that. So we did the vows. Do you take him? Do you take her?

And everyone there was a witness. And it was just extended family. So it was just almost like... Just the extended family? Not even the immediate family? Mum's not there. Just cousins. My fourth cousin is there.

Not even his wife. Sorry, love. Extended family. Yeah, this is for any girl. And so that was just the mosque. You know the mosque. It was a dandelion. I know, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Then we were going to have a wedding. A reception or a wedding, whatever, you know you know the mosque it was a dandam yeah yeah yeah then we were going to have a wedding a reception or a wedding whatever you know but COVID and I don't know what the rules are now but only five people

why don't you have one in a park with just like three others yeah because that sounds so shit that would be so shit that would be really I think it'd be nice we could do it right now

down here do it at the pub yeah why not we need the comedy community to meet the Muslim community. We need to all come together. Break bread. Yeah.

This feels like I don't really know how to get out of this. Mate, you're on radio now. Song. I got a message during the week from a listener of this podcast who lives in London. Met him when we were over there doing shows. And he was telling me that he accidentally got dragged along to a right-wing comedy night. Oh, wow.

Yeah. Really? A right-wing comedy night? I think he claims that he went in not knowing that it was going to be that. His friend was like, oh, come see my friend who started doing stand-up or whatever. And then he gets in there and it's like all this anti-vax material multiple routines that are ending in joe biden is a pedophile great stuff he said someone brought out a ukulele which i love

being like being like tough as nails right wing comedy but still breaking out an instrument is pretty fucking awesome it's like they had Triple M over there yeah nah nah that's alright so are they right wing comedians in Australia

like what would be the equivalent well who would be do we have right wing comedians well that's what I was thinking because this is the point that the reason that

this person messaged me was to say that one of these awful right wing comedians literally did a bit where it was a big run up to the punchline of, I've been self-isolating for years.

It's gone global. It's finally gone global. You've made a big... Does that mean you're a right-wing comedian now? You're a right-wing cancer survivor. That's a niche. Oh, shit. Chemo's not real.

It's all a fucking hoax. I'm not getting it I don't believe in it I've done my own research Makes your hair fall out That's bullshit Your sperm tastes different Just don't get fat

And you won't get cancer Build up your own immunity Wait was it a good response From the audience Did you hear the bit Well I mean I would presume That everyone that's there Is there because they want to see

That punchline No but that punchline That joke itself He said it did well in the audience Oh great Oh so okay So there's no audio recording No no no I presume that everyone that's there is there because they want to see that. No, but that punchline, that joke itself. He said it did well in the audience. Oh, great. Oh, so there's no audio recording of it. No, no, no. This was just relayed to me over text.

I love the idea that, like, could this happen here? When things open up again, when we're back to doing stand-up? The thing is, comedians in a... Well, you know, there's that phrase, if you're not progressive when you're young, you don't have a heart. If you don't become conservative when you're older, you don't have a brain or some shit like that.

That's the crux of it. So I do reckon comedians as they get older, probably politically get a little bit more conservative. I don't want to mention certain comedians, but on Twitter some of them... I wonder who you're talking about. But like, you know, so I just reckon if we just go by...

Like Carl's, I mean. Show them your swastika What? I'm just kidding I'm sorry In fact Isn't it extreme left wing? I don't know what the

Nationalists are That's what I'm intrigued by You know why you have Your like extreme right wing And they're Nazis Or whatever What's the extreme left wing? What's that?

Antifa? Like killing people If they don't eat vegetables Or what? Like what's that? How did the left Famously love a carrot? Well that, Antifa? Like killing people if they don't eat vegetables? Or like, what's that? How do you be famously love a carrot? Well, that's what I mean.

Like, what would extreme left wing? It is Antifa, isn't it? I think it would probably be or anarchist or something. Yeah,

anarchist groups probably. ISIS? ISIS don't believe in borders. They, you know, they want to, they want to,

they want to create a new super state. Right. You know, so, you know, get on board, Greens. they want to create a new super state. So get on board, Greens. I love the idea though of there being right-wing comedy nights in Melt. Because it sounds, just what this guy was telling me the punchlines were, it sounds so easy.

Everyone needs a comedian to represent their views. I love the idea of playing both sides. You just write a set of right-wing comedy. You just go in like, I find this reprehensible. I don't agree with what they do, but hey, if I can go in there and get some fucking cash on me,

fuck it. There's an Italian comedian There's too many left-wing comedians. It's too hard. The bar's been raised too high. Right-wing comedy for dum-dums. Yeah.

Fucking easy. There are a few that have been smoked out in this whole lockdown. There's a few anti-lockdown comedians. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some Italian one. He's got a bit of a following.

That makes someone right. I reckon it'll happen. A couple of live streams that every time it pops up, I'm like, I'm watching. Same here. And some people going, hi, Nick, in the chat. You know what? Legit.

Turns out they can see you on Insta, but not on TikTok. Oh, really? Came unstuck on Insta. Well, years ago, maybe 2006 or 2007 maybe, I did like some open mic night or maybe like it was raw,

probably raw comedy actually. And this particular Italian comedian came up to me and said hey man that was a really good set I remember I was at Monash Monash Uni some comedy night there and I said thanks man

and he said and he basically offered to mentor me very generously so I've got a soft spot for this guy and I was like thanks that's really nice of you

and he actually formally offered to mentor me I didn't accept the offer and this guy's now gone nuts I could have gone big on TikTok but yeah he's yeah people are putting out all different types of content I didn't accept the offer And this guy's now gone nuts I could have gone big on TikTok Right But yeah He's Yeah

People are putting out All different types of content Aren't they This time Keep them busy Big wig budget Yeah Wait

Who's doing wigs This person you're talking about This person you're talking about I haven't seen them Crazy person He loves a wig Yeah Keep up

Keep up with your mentor I gotta This is how my career Is just derailed I Well I'll talk about this You're talking about it. I haven't seen it. He loves a wish. Keep up with your mentor. This is how my career has just derailed. Well, I'll talk about this. I talked about this a little while back. My in-laws now listen to this podcast, which is very weird because to recap, what I think has happened is my wife gave my mother-in-law her phone wiped the whole phone except for the basics on it for whatever reason my wife has subscribed to this podcast on the apple

ipod thing she doesn't listen well she doesn't listen to it so i don't know why support no no she doesn't listen so i don't know what it all counts yeah so then my mother-in-law has got it. There's basically no apps on it. Every now and then, like every week, it'll pop up. It'll say, oh, new episode of Dumb Dumb Cop with Tommy Dice on Carl Chandler. And she'll go, oh. I don't know whether she thinks I'm texting her or not. But she's like, oh, I better support my son-in-law.

She thinks you're saying listen to my... This is a great wrinkle in the story that I didn't pick up on last time. Your wife's approach to resetting the phone seems like she's done something that's more complicated than just going into settings and hitting factory reset. She's gone through and just deleted a whole bunch of the apps by hand. Yes. What the fuck?

It's bizarre. The thing that gets me too is that your mother-in-law seems to think anything that pops up on the phone is a task she must complete yeah yeah yeah well she's not a cop it's not a call out oh fuck I better go alright I'll listen

to dumb dumb but my but she's like she's about as heavy as my mum is with like an iPhone like I've done the same I've wiped it

and I've done I did I wiped it five times just to make sure nothing fucking popped up from my history on there and so she doesn't really know

such as comedy so I just gave my old phone to my mum and I'm fucking terrified Nothing fucking popped up from my history on there. And so she doesn't really know. Comedy. I just gave my old phone to my mum and I'm fucking terrified. Oh, really? Same experience. Like did the whole complete deep cleanse, but still I'm like... She hasn't used Safari. She doesn't know how to use it.

She's like, should you teach me? I'm like, probably not. Fine. You know, you've got TV up there. You've got like Sky News and everything. You'll figure everything out. You've got Sky News and everything. You'll figure everything out. You've got Sky News. Tommy, did you get a different vaccine from your dad?

Because your phone smells different. Oh, fuck. Bit of a stress. Long bow, but I love it. Long bow. Weird place to aim, too. I'm never touching your bow. So anyway, so my mother-in-law, and the other thing is she doesn't have headphones or anything.

So I think she's treating it like, you know, sitting around the... Jeez. Gathering around the wireless on Sunday evening to listen to War of the Worlds. Exactly. Exactly. Except with bigger monsters. Has she listened to an episode?

Well, every time I hear from her or I see her, it's like, oh, we listened. We're listening. And I'm just like, I change the subject immediately because I'm like, if you've listened to a full episode in any episode, I can't imagine even one episode that I would want her to listen to. Now, there's no episode where at the start of the episode, by the end of the episode, you haven't moved down. Yes. This one's going all right so far.

It's only come cancer, right? It's good for us. It's only come cancer AIDS so far. It's good for us. And so far you've watched the news, you know. You've watched the pro-dolls. We're par at the minute. Yeah, phew.

So, yeah, look. Now, I'll say this now. If you are listening at the moment, don't say her name, Senior. You can tune out now please because let's talk about that's definitely going to work well

this is what happened last week my wife's father my father-in-law he well their whole family including my wife is sort of

they've got this fucking weird idea about where I come from Meribah the country they're very very very, very city. I laugh so much when I hear this, like you're from beyond the wall or something.

Honestly. It's a fucking two-hour drive. Yes, honestly. Aren't they from Italy? Like so much further away. But I've said they're pizza-hard Italian. They're not fucking real Italian. They're like, you know.

Are they on TikTok? They're Aussie pizza, you know. Do they have wigs? So they've got this idea where, like, honestly, like my wife has, like her idea about Maribor and the country before we met was like fucking hay bales and whatever. Like she knows exactly where fucking Carrie Bradshaw lives in New York,

but she had no fucking idea of where I lived in the country. Right. Very comparable. Well, she literally thought like I lived in Sovereign Hill or something like that. Right, right. Sex in the city, no sex in the country. Can I be completely honest? Mr. Big can't.

I actually don't really. I know in Maryborough, is that near, that's where the fires were, right? Which ones? There's been a lot. Yeah, that's a good guess though. You see some fires once?

It's a pretty rough guess, but yeah, not super lately. No, it is in the countryside, but they seem to have no concept of what the countryside is, let alone where it is or whatever. So they're very just like, whenever they talk to me, it's sort of, they don't mean it like this,

but they're very, very condescending, sort of like, oh, how's the up there in the country? And is there anything happening up there? That's nice that they're checking in though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not just how are you? Yeah. How's where you're from?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How's the whole region going? Hey, spokesperson For not metropolitan Australia But this is Like my wife once said to me She wouldn't have gone out with me I used to live In Williamstown

And she's like Oh and I just moved From Williamstown To Richmond or something And she's like Oh lucky you moved Because I wouldn't have Gone out with you

If I had to travel Fantastic If I had to travel Within zone one Imagine going to that Beautiful beachside suburb Yuck Williamstown

Yucky So she says She wouldn't go out with you Just because of the Traveling distance That's nicer than her saying I don't want to go out with you Because you were

One of those country types And she just had a Stereotype about you Yeah yeah yeah Sorry I just realised I'm being very rude Nazeem how's Sri Lanka Sri Lanka is

It's a beautiful place Great Come visit the Taj Mahhal sometime it's going good it's great it's good okay just felt like i should check in yeah based on what your in-laws do yeah yeah it seems polite how's your little country going yeah so i i last time i talked to my father-in-law he said uh he he went to the hospital for an operation he had he had a little uh like a thing taken off his eye. And he got very excited.

Was it a cancer? No, no, no. Just a thing. Just an old person thing. Yeah, yeah, one of those things. Just something that was stuck on there. I keep thinking... At the age where they're slicing stuff off your eyeball. Fuck it.

Just for something to do. You're bored and locked in. I keep thinking it's not cornea. Cornea's part of your eye. What's the thing when something grows on top of you? Cataract Cataract The like cloudy thing

Cataract Yeah We said the word You didn't have to describe it Yeah So He went in He went in to get the

The cataract off And he said It's not Jeopardy I'm like Dum Dum's Norman Swan You know I'm a science communicator What is it? Cloudy eye condition?

$200. So he went in to get that cut off and he said, oh, Carl, I've got some exciting news. I'm like, oh, wow, what happened in the operation? No, no, no, not in the operation. When I was waiting in the waiting room, I was just hitting up people in the waiting room, talking to them.

I'm like, classic classic classic old man trick just like yep just up for a chat you turn 80 who gives a fuck just talk to anyone so he's like

oh and I talked to this woman she was about to go in to have an operation as well and I said where are you from and she said I'm from Maryborough and so he got very excited

and so his first question like you love this literally straight away he goes. I know. I guess. He goes. Do you know Sunshine Johnson? No.

Very close. Very close. Oh, you'd know Robin Elaine Chandler, you know. And she said, but like I was like, it's so fucking dumb and presumptuous because it's like, I'm not in a fucking, it's not a town of three people. It's a town of 8,000 people. And anyway, she said yes, I do know. Oh my God!

8,000 people is just eight schools. My school had 1,000 people in it. And you kind of know most-ish, like you sort of get a sense of who's who at the school. So imagine spending your whole life there, you'd know everybody. Yeah, well, but still it's 8,000. But you had fucking Chandler shoes, Chandler fucking hats, Chandler shops.

But this is all years ago. This is years ago. They owned a lot of shops. Do you know what shops? What shops?

Oh, this is it. Now Naz's ears are pricked up. Bit of retail. Bit of property. Bit of property. Were you forced to barrack for Melbourne

after you bought your sixth house? They just sent out the kit? Yeah, we had about six shops at different times in history. It was like you with houses, except not all at once. See, Tommy, listen. Carl and his family had houses with space because they didn't choose suburb.

You're complaining about the size of your house. No, I'm not. No, you are. You're complaining about the size of your house. We had a toilet next to his bed. No door between the two. Hey, I've moved since No, you are. You're complaining about the size of these houses. You've got a toilet next to his bed. No door between the two. Hey, I've moved since then. The toilet's a whole other room.

That's right. I've been to your house and you are lying to your landlord at the moment, which is a federal crime. Yes, yes. You're right, I am.

Very pro-landlord. Very cool of you. I'm a right-wing comedian. Who'd you learn that from? The guy that plugs avocados on TV? I apologise. Well, they're going for a steal at the moment. Only six bucks a pop.

Get down, everyone. How do you get employed by a fruit? I have no idea. But I remember when they asked, I was very enthusiastic. Oh, yeah, yeah. I only had an avocado this morning. How do you get a job From such a It's like getting employed

By a table It's a fucking thing It's not a corporation Yeah well mate The fruit knows Who is their smoke I've got no idea Are you getting recognised

In the street From the avocado ads I've literally had people Message me going Shove your avocados up Your fucking ass Really Oh no

The trade is on the tea break Not eating avocados up your fucking ass really oh no the trade is on the tea break not eating avocados anymore you fucking there's no there's no avocado big M that's it but you know

I get pissed when I go to like buy avocados from the shops like oh you don't have a you don't have the black card I don't have a

you don't have the black card for avocados I actually feel embarrassed like picking avocados like a normal person. People look at me like, you're the avocado guy. Why are you...

That's pretty bad. If you're in and out and then you're engaging with the product out in the real world. Yeah, it's like seeing Alan Joyce, CEO of Qantas, line up at Qantas to check in. Get on a Jetstar.

You know, on... Yeah, he just... Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no respect. So you think you should be paid partially in avocado? I feel it brings the fruit into disrepute seeing how they treat their own. You could have picked any person who's in an ad

and you picked Alan Joyce. Like for like. Except he's got a few less houses than Naza does. At the very least, you would want the hot tip about which are the ripe ones. Yeah, you should learn the top buttons, like learn the cheat codes. I've done sports bet ads no tips oh damn i just look at failed bet failed bet okay fuck you surely that's like family lost by 80 points it's a very covert unsafe uh product to

be advertising because you got to get in there you got to grab more no no you're not supposed i give a little squeeze do not do that I actually had to do a video on behalf of avocado fruit growers and I was like hey guys just remember if you want to

buy an avocado don't worry about don't squeeze it because you're bruising them right get your head in there and motorboat

them just trust that they're all good quality they're all good quality why are you saying these on

the ads these are good tips it's only 30 seconds how many facts do you want me to put out there? You've changed man You've been bought out by Big Advo

Absolutely Thank you very much I'll be bought again If they're listening But yeah Basically there was an oversupply I think that's why they did the campaign You know like a buck at some point

Yeah Pretty recently Pretty cheap Get out there Buy some avocados I shouldn't get paid anymore For saying this Yeah yeah

But they're a great plant. Banana is the only fruit that... I shouldn't even be saying this, probably, but banana was number one. Oh, you're going to... They're fucking taking you out, man. Dried avocado, I'm sure. Unless you're pitching to get the banana deal next year.

No, no way. Like when the Godfather gets shot at the fruit shop. You're going to see some avocados roll on the floor So So my in-laws Yeah My father-in-law So

He's talking to this woman This conversation's Probably gone for 30 minutes By now I would imagine Given that That's how my father talks You know Just

You know They just want to have These fucking long conversations that go fucking nowhere. They go really slow, whatever. So he's onto something here. He's going, right, Maribor. You know Rob and Elaine from Maribor.

She's like, yep. Oh, this is great. And I was like, well, what happened next? Has he ever been down there? No. No, okay. No, no. Very rarely that something would fucking just make you itch

to get into eye surgery. Yeah. Just fucking please put a laser at the things I see with. No, I just think, thanks. Honestly, I was like, what happened next? And she walked into eye surgery then. So she took off instead of talking about Maribor any further. I'll do it myself.

Yeah. I was in here to get my teeth fixed. So she went in and so that was where the story ended. So then he turns to me and goes... That's actually what happened. She literally just... He goes, that's all I got out of her. Yes to Robin Lane.

Jesus. And then went into eye surgery. So then he turns to me and goes, so do you know that lady? And I'm like, that's what you've given me to go off? She was having eye surgery. So then he turns to me and goes, so do you know that lady? And I'm like, that's what you've given me to go off? She was having eye surgery. Marabara's not that small. Like, you know the lady. Oh, the one with the pants?

No, that's the man. Yeah. But he's rolled the dice on her knowing your parents, and she did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's not unfair of him to know that she is that small. No name, no job. No name, no job. No, no, no, not no job.

Well, in a way. This was the one bit of detail I got out of it, which again shows how much the disdain that he has for Maryborough or just the lack of knowledge or the lack of care or whatever. I said, is there any detail, like anything I can go off? And he goes, oh, she was, he's struggling for the words, and he goes, she looked like sort like, not what you'd think, not like... Oh, so not white.

She looked like she wasn't from the land. Okay. She wasn't from the land. She's a sky person. She's a large bird. A pilot. Who's a pilot? She's what?

That's Amelia Earhart And maybe Alan Joyce There's a small lake In Maryborough But I don't think There's many people in there She wasn't from the land Okay

She wasn't from the land Which I mean I presume that means She's not indigenous Not indigenous No no no But also not white That's what I thought

It would be like Is that what that means? I thought it would be like an Indigenous. Yeah, but you wouldn't refer to like, you'd go, oh, if I was describing you to someone, I wouldn't say he looks like he's not from the land. Yeah, yeah. Going to the cop, someone robbed me.

What do they look like? Not Indigenous. Well, that's a good point. You know, you tell the cop, he didn't look like he was from the land. What, cunt? Yeah. I thought he was like struggling with Indigenous. No,unt? Yeah. I thought he was struggling with Indigenous.

No, no, no. I think it was... This is what I assumed. This is what I got out of it was she didn't look like she was from the land because I was ready. I thought he was going to say, oh, she was really unattractive or she looked weird or she was fat or something like that. The way he was struggling.

The way he was struggling with it. He was trying to sugarcoat it. She didn't look like she was from the land. Fat Sally, that's who you would have seen. He's basically trying to say she looked like she had an immigrant background or something.

From what I got out of it was, I think he thinks everyone there looks like they're from the fucking hills. Cobber. Get out, Cobber. They're on a Woolworths farm. Get out. Yeah, me family. Yeah, they're from the fucking hills. Cobber. G'day, Cobber. Like, they're on a Woolworths farm. Oh, okay. Yeah, me family.

Yeah, they're all inbred, all this stuff. I don't know why he would think that, given the one person he knows there's me. But anyway. Client for Luton Carl. Yeah, yeah. Lord Ponsonby himself. So he goes, didn't look like she was from the land.

And then he goes, because look like she was from the land And I'm like And then he goes Because she looked quite respectable Like he was confused That someone was from Mirabar Since she wasn't in the hospital Wearing cowboy boots with a lasso And a jacket shirt Yeah, yeah, yeah

Her head was where it was supposed to be So what he's actually done Is describe what he thinks of you Yes, yes And then goes She actually looked She looked quite This is actually looked she looked quite this is his word she looked quite respectable she's probably your receptionist what that's

that was i think that's the highest compliment what you do he can no no but i don't think he meant my receptions i think he meant the town's reception okay it's like if they were to do a tourism ad she would be the one saying, where the bloody hell are you? Like, she's a beautiful face of the area. That's the best looking you can be in Maribor. That's the highest thing you can aim for. That's the hot chick. The receptionist.

What a fucking awful bloke to play Guess Who with. Looks from the land. Looks like a receptionist. What's this cryptic crossword? Your fucking hair colour. Imagine looks like a receptionist. There you go. What's this cryptic crossword? Your fucking hair colour. Imagine if he lost his kid. Officer, officer, come find my child. What does it look like?

Yeah, yeah. I'd like him to get the gig as the court sketch artist. From the land, receptionist, and go. So is the end of this you going, you definitely do know who he's talking about? No, no, no, absolutely not. Because that would be fucking great. Absolutely not.

Like, the way he was describing it was like, that's, you do know who he's talking about no no no absolutely not absolutely not like the way he was describing it like that's you must know who that is you know the one good looking person your father-in-law sounds like he's got a crush on this woman

nah well look possibly but well it'd probably be easy enough to find like if isn't do Mary Burians listen to this

well yeah I think a few there's someone walking around with one eye walking around. There's not that much to go off. If you've got a patch on your eye, you've got a patch on your eye,

this search is only time bound because at some point the bandage comes off. She doesn't have a patch on her eye. She went in for ice and it's gone. There's a rubbed bit of frigging denker up on your eye. Yeah,

okay. Or you just, when we can travel again further than 10 kilometres, you just drive up to Maryborough, go to the reception. And look at the one woman walking in circles. Yeah.

Imagine if he saw her post-surgery and then described her differently. Yeah, right. What about now? Nah, no good. All right, that was straight to it. Yeah, they cut his beer goggles off. Or it upped it. Oh, she's gone from receptionist to hairdresser.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's looking real good now. Yeah. Hairdresser, is that hot,. Oh, she's gone from receptionist to hairdresser. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's looking real good now. Hairdresser, is that hot? That's hotter than receptionist. Really? I think so. I always thought my ranking was... Oh, yeah.

My mum listens to this. She was a receptionist for years. You'll be getting an angry message when she can get back on Facebook. Yeah. What type of... Where was she a receptionist? I think it's hairdresser it's

pharmacy chemist chemist girl really and chemist girls usually they're like

suburb hot yeah yeah totally I think they're the two no what about bartender yeah I

never thought so I thought I thought receptionist hair he calls it a saloon yeah where he's from Yeah, I never thought so. I thought receptionist hair. He calls it a saloon. Yeah.

Where he's from. Isn't a saloon also like... Out there in their parts. Isn't that like a cowboy bar thing? Baloo. They're just called bars in Maribor. Yeah. So, all right. It goes tumbleweed sweeper.

Yeah. Yeah. It's just, we don't have a name for it. It's just wherever the sheriff's out the front shooting some stranger. Yeah. Yeah. It's just, we don't have a name for it, it's just whatever the sheriff's out the front shooting some stranger.

Yeah. Whatever that place is called. She's hot as high noon. She won't go out with me, I'm going to fucking neck myself

and go off to Boot Hill. Wait, so, you just basically insulted your father-in-law on this podcast.

No, no, no, I'm not insulting him. I feel like he's insulting me. I think at some point you called him an idiot or something. No, I didn't.

With the prologue to the story being, his wife's probably listening, so here we go. Well, well, here's the thing. Please, if Don't Say Name Senior is listening, he's quite hard of hearing. So if you could just turn it down a bit, I think we could get rid of all of this. To be fair, at Carl's wedding, the father-in-law forgot Carl's name.

Really? Yeah, you remember, Nat. Oh, sorry. Sorry, Nat. I keep forgetting. Sorry. He forgot Carl's name. Carl forgot your invitation.

It's as catchy as cancer. I forgot Carl's gift. And a round it goes. Dave O'Neill forgot to clean out his diary for the night. Oh, that's right. It was, Matt, I can't stress enough, one of the biggest laughs I've ever had in my life. When...

Don't say a name. Yeah, when Don't Say a Name met and there's this long pause and he's like... And Chandler just said Carl my name's Carl is he very senior? he's relatively that was just one of the great

404 era screens I've ever seen in another human being spinning wheel to be fair what I heard later was apparently he was turning the page of his little script

right so right so Carl was written on the next over that that's pretty funny and you couldn't possibly

freestyle that no I only remember information that's on a page in front of me yeah he used to host the channel 7 news

for 40 years right I don't know if I mentioned that are you serious? No. He could have just been like making a joke like, I'm so happy to be here at my daughter's wedding to current partner Carl. We don't say our name got together with fuck the construction workers.

It got a good laugh. It was good. It was a bit of fun. It was really good. If he'd done that deliberately, that's masterful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If he'd planned that deliberately, that's masterful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If he'd planned that. Yeah.

Fuck. But, so, that's what he thinks of the countryside. But this is what I was thinking. So, given the current situation of where we're all in and how long it's going to take to get back to relatively normal and live shows, a lot of people are waiting for us to get to Perth. Fucking good luck with that. Brisbane.

Even our big show in Melbourne. Fuck knows what's going to happen. I'm thinking, what we should do is do another country show. Another live country show. I think that's the quickest time. Do you spell that C-U-N-T-R-Y show? No.

Okay, that's really juvenile, but I just thought that'd be a dum-dum thing to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks, man. That's the way you could pronounce it on the project, if you want. You know, when you go back to the land. To the land, man. That's why you could pronounce it on the project if you want. You know, when you go back to the land. To the land.

You'd probably say that. Exactly. Put Gevan Bloody Wilson on the poster. I think we should do another country show. We did Miraburra a few years ago. We had Ballarat even before that. I'm thinking we should do a live show somewhere in the countryside and the listeners

can hit us up and like let's go somewhere fucked or somewhere interesting or whatever maybe not somewhere like big like don't send us

to Geelong or fucking whatever like that but you know if you live there we're like Coober P underground somewhere

something how are we going to get there we're saying we can't do Perth and we can't do Brisbane where is Coober P where is it I've seen it in just because you probably own Rio Tinto shares How are we going to get there? We're saying we can't do Perth and we can't do Brisbane. Where is Curapiti? Where is it?

I've seen it in... Just because you probably own Rio Tinto shares. You've got to go check out what they're doing. That's a huge leap from noble park investment property. So if you live in a little town or something like that in Victoria, let us know, but give us the details of like we need a good shit country pub, somewhere that we are allowed to get into, you know, what the bakeries are. It has to be Victoria.

Yes. Because the whole point is we can't go to a flight. We can't go anywhere else. We don't want to risk a flight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And plus everyone's busting to get out of the house. A lot of people are from Melbourne. A lot of people go to our Melbourne shows.

This can be your weekend away, the first time we get out maybe in late a lot of people are from Melbourne a lot of people go to our Melbourne shows this can be your weekend away the first time we get out maybe in late December or early Jan or something like that maybe or even like you know if you've had a real messed up situation happen to you

maybe you've just been dumped because you're cheating on your partner and you need some cheering up is this hypothetical or is this for real or you're the real you're the most unpopular person

in your town and you need you need a podcast to cheer you up you know maybe you've just had cancer cut from your eye right oh this could be like popular person in your town and you need a podcast to cheer you up. Maybe you've just had cancer cut from your eye. This could be like the Triple J one night stand

where people would vote. They would submit their town. And they would have to put in a thing of here's why my town should win. It's got to be the saddest story so that this is a... We're going there for sympathy.

So you're not pitching the town, you're pitching how much of a loser you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of like you know what it is I need this it's like an Australian idol

you know how they all cry what is your cry story what's your cry story we come in and we find regional Victoria's biggest loser yeah biggest fucker

and we do a live show from your town that's what I want to know to cheer them up to cheer them up that's partly what I want to know I want to know we need a shitty pub

that'll have us or the shittiest person that listens to your shitty podcast. Yes. We need a good bakery that's got good pies. You need a refrigerated dessert section. I don't want a dry fucking mud cake.

And we need town crazies. I can give or take all this stuff. I really am set on the biggest fucking loser in the original video. Or the worst bakery ever, right? It's got like maybe three stars on Google reviews. And you need to bump up those stars. We'll go there.

We'll flood the shit out of those Google reviews. What I would rather have is I'd rather have a shitty motel. A shitty motel. I want to stay in a shitty motel. A motel's great. Where someone's maybe died there and it's got bad. They have. Pick one. Anyone. where someone's maybe died there and it's got bad they have pick one anyone

I want a I want a motel with Ostar they haven't they will again yeah no more than three channels of Ostar

yeah yeah yeah I want three stars with a hot receptionist yeah yes the hot receptionist I want a shitty pool yeah don't even think about fucking heated.

If it says heated in front of pool, we're not going. It's got to be in the shade at all times somehow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One heated pool. I don't want to be able to pick up SBS. Yeah. One kettle that's shared amongst all the rooms. In fact, if there's like a business or a motel that's on the brink of bankruptcy

and you can prove it with your financials, this podcast will turn that ship around we'll save you people submitting themselves as being the biggest fuckwit that is most deserving of the show in their town

and then we can read them out and we can you know we can see what the public what the people who listen who they think is most deserving of us and maybe they can even

send in like a voice message you know and they've got to really appeal to the list I don't know and also we need that person to get us in the paper.

We want to be in the paper on the way. Full media junker. Yeah, the junker. I want to be on the radio station. I want to be interviewed in the paper. Yep, yep. How many listeners do you reckon you could pull for something like this? Well, see, from here, like when we did Maribor, we got like nearly 200 people.

I was going to say 2,000. 200 people. It's been a long time. Yeah, 200 people to come up to Maribor we got like nearly 200 people I was gonna say 200 200 people it's been a long time yeah 200 people to come up to Maribor and they were like freaked out by that like I was like I remember when we did it I was like oh we're gonna

fucking paint the town red after this and we got out after a show the whole fucking town was closed we end up drinking in my mate's bakery yeah nothing was fucking open on a Saturday night

fucking around in the ball pit yeah see 200 customers people getting blowjobs in the ball pit I don't know if they cleaned that place, but anyway. What? Yes, that actually happened. An actual thing.

Oh, no. Not the blue ball pit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we were getting served meat pies just as other people were getting cream ones. Jesus Christ. That is a hell of a snot block. I like just deciding that the statute of limitations is up on that story.

I haven't named any names. I haven't even said it was a guest that it happened to. Number one bakery to get a heady on playground equipment. Oh, yes. Got to have the fingers painted on the window. That's better than being named a tiny town or whatever. That's fucking great. Yep.

All right. I think your podcast has found its purpose. Yeah. It's doing good. Let's save some shitty town yeah from themselves

we'll bring in you know our people drink the fucking town dry this would be fucking great for them we saved Costa Nui three times you're freaking

like 200 people buying what do you donuts what do you go for what do you love at bakeries it's just another one of these things

like my father-in-law what do you what do you idiot see donuts you look like you eat a donut. You get so excited about bakeries. What is it about them? Like I said, fucking cakes or mousse or, you know.

Nothing in particular. Chocolatey things. A good pie. Muffins. A good moist muffin. Good pie. Yeah. Much more moist once you've been in the ball pit.

I'd rather a cake than a pie. Yeah, yeah. Okay. All right. This is going to be great, but we need these listener submissions of complete fucking unlovable past. Is nobody going to point out that you're just going back to Maribor? Channel is the worst bloke from the worst town. Yeah.

It's your fucking loser, who used to live here, but he's gone now, sadly. And it's my father-in-law submitting me. That's the biggest loser. No, but he can't submit you because he doesn't know you. Oh, that's right. Oh, what's his name? I submit... Don't say your name's husband.

He's not very respectable. So that, we need details. Emails at littledumbdumbclub at gmail.com or messages on the socials we want I want a shitty town

I don't want some fucking tourist town this is the opposite of like the caravan of courage yeah I don't want some popular town

or anything like that I need some sort of shitty town that we're going to be the fucking highlight of stop saying shitty town and hoping they're

going to help you no but you know when I was doing Maryborough no one was like fuck yeah Maryborough everyone thinks their town's saying shitty town and hoping they're going to help you. No, but you know, when I was in Maryborough, no one was like, fuck yeah, Maryborough. Everyone thinks their town's a shitty town. Unless you're a fucking idiot. So yeah, everyone's going to have that attitude. Just don't sell it to everyone else in the town like that.

We won't put that up as a placard at the pub when we do our gig. Check out us at the shittiest town we could find. We'll save that for the intro of the actual show down and then be like guess why we're here you're fucking half with yeah well you know what before when when covet hit to start with i i basically submitted something like this when everyone's getting the arts grants last year and stuff i basically submitted this sort of idea to the and our arts council and thing is, we got knocked back. And I even tried to do all the – I tried to get their attention. No, but the town is shit.

Yeah, no, no, no. Like I said, it wasn't quite – Are you not kidding? Journalism. He got head in the ball pit. I literally – I used you, Naz. I was like, oh, this is an Arts Council. This is an Arts Council. I was like, oh, this is an arts council. This is an arts council.

I was like, oh, we'll be bringing up all sorts of colours of the rainbow. We'll be showing... Colourful people from the land. Colourful people in colourful towns. We'll be showing Sheppard in his first brown person. And we still got to know. Yeah, you needed someone gay as well. Yeah, no, well, yeah, what was it? No, I did. You know what I did? Me and Joel. still gonna know you needed someone gay as well yeah no well

yeah what was it fuck no I did you know what I did me and Joel me and Joel it was Ballard yeah it was Ballard

it was Naz Ballard and Sonia and I pitched Sonia D'Orio I even went and Tommy Dassel of course Italian comedian I was

I was the minority white guy I was a minority I don't want to make assumptions I assume Sonia D'O I was a minority... I don't want to make assumptions. I assume Sonia Di Iorio... Yes. Is that Italian?

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Two Italians. Two Italians. Too many. Mamma mia. Yeah, maybe that one.

Mamma mia. Maybe the arts board was racist. That's why we didn't get it. I was like, we like Canberra. Now you get it. Now you get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, this is what we've been talking about.

If your wife's family are Pizza Hut Italian, what does that make me? McCain Italian? Yes. They're not an Italian company at all. No, you're McDonald's Italian. Just white guys pretending. You're Pizza Hut.

You're all these trollies Italian. Just not Italian in any way. They've got tomato sauce there. There's something. There's something, I guess. Nando's Italian, I think. All right, guys. Well, yeah, write in and let us know your shitty town

and we just need a hopeless case from the town that we can get up in the show. How crook can their own character reference be? I want you guys to come to my shit town. I want weirdos. Unless you've been vaxxed because you'll be shedding. Oh, yeah, yeah. I want you guys to come to my shit town I want weirdos unless you've been vaxxed because you'll be shedding oh yeah yeah

I want weirdos I want the sunshine Johnson of these towns as well I want town crazies stories about town crazies we're going to get a lot of letters

that read like Eminem's Stan in the next week yeah it's kind of like make a wish but we don't have to have cancer

and the only thing that you can ask for is the podcast to come to you yeah make a wish that you'll be wishing for us to leave once we get there. No, no, no. We made your wish.

It's make a wish except you're getting cancer once you make the wish. Yeah, yeah. The cancer's coming to town. All right. Well, we'd better wrap it up there for another week on the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Nick Cody, Nazeem Hussain, thank you very much for joining us. Thank you. Thank you very much.

Nazeem, you're on the project. Here's your phone number. We'll put it up on the post. We'll text you while you're on the air. Yeah, just seriously, I'll check all the DMs on air. We'll work out something. We'll work out something for you to do for us on a Friday. All right, here we go.

Good. Also on Kids FM on Tuesdays and Thursdays At the same time Oh that must be hard Huh? Two days a week Fuck man For half an hour

For half an hour And Nick talks to me like I'm your competitor I'm the reason that Anyway Yeah you got anything else to plug? A little Dumb Dumb Club Out next week

No I've got nothing Yeah yeah yeah I think Well I don't know You'll be coming to this country show You'll be there Huh? As soon as the comedy's open man else to plug? The little Dumb Dumb Club out next week. No, I've got nothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think, well, I don't know. You'll be coming to this country show. You'll be there.

As soon as the comedy's open, man, I'm hitting those stages. I'm hitting probably downstairs. Oh, by the way, I'm secretly wrapped because I've got a

newborn. I'm just like clocking up mad dad, mad husband credit. Oh, points. But just state sanctioned.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd be getting blind on the road now, but I can't. But instead, I'm being looked at as some sort of hero around the house. But being present. points but just state sanctioned yeah yeah i'd be getting blind on the road now yeah yeah but instead i'm being looked at as some sort of hero around the house but being present yeah you know you know you know what i did the other day i approved a new kitchen what's that you didn't even do the googling i approved a new kitchen i was like i did my little dance like my wife was like oh i need this i need this i need this all done and i was like no no we can't afford that

we can't afford that can't afford that and then she was like this is oh I need this I need this I need this all done and I was like no no no we can't afford that we can't afford that can't afford that and then she was like this is what I need this I need this I need something to look forward to

I was like okay but you can't complain when I go to Co-Similiano next year she's like and I thought I've done it

the master deal the master stroke I've actually played this beautifully she has to agree to it and she goes let's see if I can fucking stop you

from fucking going there but at least I'm in the kitchen now, fine. You were always going to do whatever the fuck you wanted anyway. So you basically said, I'm going to go to Thailand and you stay in the kitchen. In the new kitchen.

In the new kitchen. We're heading back to Mariborough. Cody, if people can check out Midfly Brawl with Luke Heggie. Midfly Brawl, new Heggie Midfly Brawl New episodes every Thursday It's just about Sky fights

Yep Fights on planes Also you're on the radio Every Fox FM Every morning Every Fucking morning

That's actually sick It's a good one Alright guys Thanks very much for listening And we'll see you next time See you next. Say it, Nazoom. Say it.

I said it. See you, mates. And they've done it again. Oh, boy, have they? And we are doing it in a park. Yep. There's plenty of room for Bernie to kick a big one in this joint. Oh, do you reckon Bernie's over there having a five-person picnic,

just getting ready to line one up? Having a kicking a big hot dog this joint. Oh. Do you reckon Bernie's over there having a five-person picnic? Just getting ready to line one up. Having a, kicking a big hot dog. Yep. This is a. Kicking a big sausage roll.

This is a special, yeah, is this the first ever Alfresco talking dum-dum? Maybe. I think it is. I think it is too. Yeah.

We're sitting next to a little pond with some ducks. Yeah. This gives me an idea for a jerk. There's no picnic bench things at the park that we're in, so we're sitting next to each other on a bench.

If anyone that I know saw me here, I'd be forced to jump into the pond and drown myself. There's people walking past us now, and I'm really having to look the other way. Yeah. I think we're going to... I would hate to see us right now. I think we're going to end up having at least one. G'day, mate.

Yeah. Just doing a pod. We're going to have... We did a full episode in the park like this once, remember? We did, yeah. About a year ago when we first came out of the lockdown last year. We haven't done a Talking Dum Dum in the park. No, this is the outdoor premiere of Talking Dum Dum.

This is not bad. If I wasn't super self-conscious about being on a microphone and talking directly to you, like a fucking idiot. The fact that we're having to angle ourselves. Ideally, we'd have picnic benches, sorry, these kinds of benches that are facing away from each other so we could be like two people in a spy movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, I'm sitting behind you. Oh, like in one of those lover's seats. Yes, yes. You know, those sort of figure eight sort of seats. Exactly, yeah. That would be the ideal setup.

But yeah, this is alright. We weren't allowed to do... Look, you know, we thought we did our little hour of show and we broadcast it in Spleen. We weren't so much obeying rules in Spleen

by not doing Talking Dumb Dumb in there as much as Joel at Spleen was like, I'm not fucking sitting in here for another hour listening to your shit. I've wiped a few benches. I've restocked the Fanta. That'll do, boys. Yeah, that's it. And so we kind of figured, well, look, we're just both in the city anyway.

Rather than, you know, go home to just do... I mean, that would have been weird. Heading home to then both sit on Zoom and do this. It was like, it's actually some of the nicer weather we've had in a while. You know, there's been plenty of days where it wouldn't have been possible to do this. Yeah. We are within striking distance of your ex-household, the Masturbatorium as well. We're not too far away from that at all.

Back in the old stomping ground. Feels pretty good. I miss this park. This is a good park. We should, maybe we should be doing, I know we can't do that at the moment with our restrictions in Melbourne currently, but I was going to say we should be doing live talking dum-dums in the park. That's not bad. Yeah, at the moment we could have three other people come and watch us.

I don't mind it. I don't mind a live talking dum-dum. Live from the picnic blanket. That could be all right. Yeah, well, look, let's keep the powder dry until we get to do a live show in Warwicknabil or Morwell or fucking Nill. I don't know. I don't know.

I'm looking forward to hearing these submissions. I'd love it to be a town that I've literally never heard of. Yes. That's the dream. Yes. Discovering somewhere that you didn't even know existed. Absolutely. I'm on.

Maybe there should be a rule. Look, it's got to be under... It's got to be... It can't be any bigger than Maryborough, maybe. That's for sure. Because Maryborough's like 8,000. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It doesn't want to be bigger than that.

It needs to be under that. It also can't be... We can't stress this enough. It can't be too far away from Melbourne. Yeah. We do feasibly need to be able to get there in a car. I reckon... I reckon two to three hours is okay.

You think? Three and a bit's probably the max of how far we want to go. Nothing over three, maybe. Yeah, for sure. If we found a dynamite one that was four, maybe we could do it. Look, there'd need to be some severe creature comforts afforded to us. Absolutely, yeah. Creature comforts in a little shit town four hours out of Melbourne. We need the, what would we need? Like an Airbnb with the bacon and eggs breakfast on the Sunday morning.

Oh, yep. We'd need the first pie out of the oven. Mm-hmm. 6 a.m. Pie named after us after we leave. Oh, that's not too bad. That's a good idea. We need the local cafe or bakery to be putting on a special named after us.

Yes. Thank you. That's what we need. Yes. Yeah. Get creative, guys. Think of reasons to lure us in. We get in the day before and we do a parade down the main street to celebrate the podcast

happening the next day. I have very fond memories of there being a parade in Maribor. There used to be a thing called the Golden Waddle Festival, and I don't think there is anymore. Or the parade, I don't think there is anymore, or the parade, I don't think happens anymore. I have very fond memories of being a young child and it being like a parade where there's fucking trucks and utes driving down the street.

And in my head I'm like, oh, beautiful, the most natural thing in the world. But now it's like, imagine doing a parade in fucking Maribor to fucking a couple dozen people. But they were doing it. And I very distinctly remember the bakery having like a float. By float, I mean a ute. And they were throwing bread rolls out of it that were just hitting the ground.

And I was like picking them up and going, I got some free bread here. Yeah, but that's what we need. Like a baguette out of the fucking gutter. Me bringing that home going, look at this. That's what we need is us, backseat of a convertible, sitting up, propped up. Backseat of a Ford Capri.

Yeah. We've got a speaker and we're just like, we're just riffing down. We're basically doing Talking Dum Dum. Yeah. We're just seeing people

in the street, asking them their name and then riffing on them. You know what we're doing? We're doing it more like Costa Mui style. We're going down in the back of the ute

going, to Nate. Yeah, hyping up. To Nate. Hyping up. Comedy. There's a show.

At the Railway Hotel. Yep. Tonight! Yep. Fuck, the odds are pretty good that the venue will end up being called the Railway Hotel. Yeah. The Railway or the, what are the others? The Something and Something.

Yeah. The Pig and Corkscrew or whatever. Yeah, but they don't do that in the country, I don't think. Not in Victoria. There's more, it's like, you've got your templates that in the country, I don't think. Not in Victoria. There's more. It's like you've got your templates. You've got the, what is it, like the Imperial. You've got the railway.

Railway's a big one. Railway is a big one. I'm hoping for a railway. Yeah, I'd love a railway. I'd love to get railed. I'd love to get railed in country Victoria. In Maryborough, there's the Bull and Mouth. Oh, yeah. And then in Talbot, which is like fucking 15 minutes away,

there's another pub called the Bull and Mouth. Okay. Within 15 minutes. Are you saying the country doesn't do that? Yeah. That's two big examples. You know what? Because that's also in these areas.

It's like that's the venue. A lot of those pubs, they've never changed. Yeah, yeah. The names have never changed. They're not rebranding. You know what? Bull and Mouth is so drilled into my head. To me, that's not even one of those names.

It's just like one word to me, Bull and Mouth. Bull and Mouth. That just means pub to me. Bull and Mouth. One word. B-U-L-L-E-N-M-O-U-T-H. Bull and Mouth. Bull and Mouth.

Named after Gary Bull and Mouth. Gary Bull and Mouth. Who invented the pub in Melbourne. Who invented sucking off a bull. Yeah, yeah. His ancestors. Speaking of names, we should get into this segment of the show. The Little Dum Dum Club is on Patreon, patreon.com slash littledumdumclub.

You can support the show. You can get two bonus episodes every week with special guests. Always a lot of fun on those ones. And most importantly, you go into the draw to have your name read out in this segment of the show it was an extreme pain to uh lug out the uh unplanned title alternator out into the uh into the park and it's a big reason why people are looking even more weirdly at us with us sitting here talking to microphones plus with an eight foot computer sitting next to us it does look quite bizarre we were uh i was at the park yesterday and we were laughing at the people around us who had activities

in their little picnic. Like what? It's like Finsk. I don't know that one. There's a cunt on a fucking unicycle right there. Jesus Christ. Oh, yeah. I saw a penny farthing parked in the street on the way to do the podcast.

Yuck. Stay inside. Just like all this kind of, you know, just like these little games and activities in the park and stuff. And we were just laughing at like, you're only just allowed to have picnics in Melbourne. It's like, it's been three months of not seeing your mates. And you're like whipping out the conversation cards.

Like, come on. In a couple of weeks, I'd sort of understand that. It's like, the weather's not that good. Just huddle there in the cold and fucking catch up. Someone getting out five minutes in and going, this is boring. Guys, I bought the Nintendo Switch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you reckon we could fucking project Netflix onto that tree?

Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, we've got the Unplanned Title Alternator here. There's quite a few ducks sitting on top of it now. Yeah. First ever outdoor edition of the Name Read. Yeah. Yeah, I'm excited. I hope we don't get any strictly indoor-sounding names.

Yeah. I hope these are all true rugged outdoorsmen. Yeah, I hope there's a thick sort of oaky names that don't get sort of lost into the ether. Yeah. I want Lumberjacks. I want Park Rangers. I don't want any, no IT people. No thin, reedy names.

Yes, exactly. Yeah. Well, that's what we can do. We can rate whether these names sound... Indoor outdoor names. Indoor outdoor names. Can someone compile all the great themes of these name reads that we've done? Or suggest more stupider things.

Yeah, yeah. Last week, how close is this to John? That was a good one. Oh, yeah, yeah. I liked that. Yeah. All right. All right.

Let's see how close these come to being outdoor names. Let's see. Hopefully no rain starts and we get this sophisticated machinery all wet because we don't know what will happen then. If we start to sound like we're rushing, it's because I think it's going to start to get cold pretty soon. And I chose a thinner garment than I would usually choose. I forgot we were going to sit outdoors.

Yeah. All right. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Lang Sharp. This is a classic indoor name, if you ask me. I'm absolutely with you. Yeah. This is as indoors as they come. Yeah.

I feel a little bit even more embarrassed than I was before to even say this outdoors. I hope no one was listening. Lang, it's got the first three letters, L-A-N, LAN party, internet, being inside on the computer. Sharp, I'm thinking the cutlery drawer. I'm thinking knives, I'm thinking forks. It's S-H-R-P-E. Yep. Man, you don't survive outdoors with anything unnecessary. Why have you got an E on the end of it?

That's not fucking nature. That's evolution. You get rid of the E. Yep. You know, you're not, you don't, you know, that's the sort of thing that a wolf will get hold of and fucking drag you into its burrow and fucking eat you up. Although, you know, on the flip side, to be fair, you know, to give it this concept, it's due diligence. Sharp, you know, you think an axe, you think a Swiss army knife.

Well, you know, Johnny Axe. I'm fine to sign off on that if someone's subscribed to that name. But this ain't Johnny Axe. No, I just want to prove that we are kind of thinking. We're not just like rushing in and going inside. I'm trying to give it a bit of the benefit of the doubt. You're trying to cut someone off from emailing in and going, you forgot that axes are sharp.

Yep. I am considering that. I've taken that into consideration. But all the rest of it, all the vibe of it in general. Yep. We should get a passerby for one of these to weigh in with their opinion. Well, the ones that have walked past us so far, I am absolutely not talking to. What about, imagine if we were doing a name and the person who it is happens to walk past us as we're doing it.

That would be so effed up. What if we just, someone walked by and we said, if you sign up right now, we'll read your name out on this edition. Oh, yes. We watch them do it on their phone. That would be great. That'd be good. That's like charity mugging. Yeah.

That's, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Fuck, we should be, I've got flyers for this podcast. I should be, as we're doing them, if anyone walks up and says, what the fuck are you guys doing? Yeah. Then we flyer them. If they give us a second glance instead of just keeping their head down and walking past

as if we're like the most insane cunts that they've ever seen. You know what we should, we need, well, it's not, that's the thing. It's not insane. No one's walking past us and going, if I walk past us right now, I wouldn't be like, what on earth are they doing? I'd just be like, what a fucking pair of cunts. Yeah. What a couple of losers.

Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. So we need a business card. Maybe we should have a laminated card just to explain to people. Like if anyone asks, we just go, at least it looks a little of losers. Yeah, absolutely. So we need a business card. Maybe we should have a laminated card just to explain to people. Like if anyone asks, we just go, at least it looks a little bit professional. We're not just some fucking morons. Like those people that have the signs around their neck like, I'm blind.

If you find me lost, please send me back here. I was just thinking, a business card. What's better than that? Oh, a lanyard. No, that's worse. That's really, really bad. I'd rather us be doing what we're doing now rather than having a lanyard. To be honest, I'm surprised that you don't see more stuff like this in the lockdowns.

Yeah. Like, given that, okay, doing it over Zoom is a drag. It's like the one point, the one thing where you can meet up with another person. Yeah. Like, I was down at Edinburgh Gardens yesterday, pretty busy. Didn't see a single Zoom recorder out. Oh. Now, everyone's got a podcast these days.

You'd think there'd be at least one group down there like, you know what? Let's get the ep done. The sun's out. It's 20 degrees. There was probably one podcast in Sydney that did this for like a week or half an episode until they just went, no, let's just go back inside again. Let's just go back into being in the same room. Yeah.

But yeah, I'm looking around now. There's just people actually having fun and not just doing their job like we are. Clocked off. I know. It's bloody six o'clock as well. We're doing a bit of OT. Hey, we're working. What stuff can we do in the park that we can claim on tax now that we're working in here?

We do. Can I claim the bread I throw at ducks on tax? Yeah. If you talk about it on here, just sending your account in a receipt for some Wonder White. Yeah. Not too bad. We do need some more people in this park to subscribe because we are technically doing

OT at the moment. Six o'clock. You know, this is usually, of course, we do nine to five podcasts. Yes, exactly. Right now. We should be getting time and a half. By now, I've punched out. I've put my little time card in.

Absolutely. I've got my slippers on. I've walked home. I've said I'm home, dear. Yep. I've got the, I'm currently tucking into the pot roast. Yep, yep. Don't Say Name is made for me.

Yep. Put the three kids to bed. Yep, yep. I don't even know what a pot roast is, to be honest. Me either. But Lang Sharp. Lang Sharp would know because that's an indoor food for sure. Yes, exactly.

You're not eating a pot roast outside. We're in no danger of seeing him right now, that's for sure. Yep. The bloke over here, the last thing I would say to him is, are you Lang Sharp? He'd be like, silly, silly question. He looks like he could be a Lang Sharp. My name's Ron Boulder.

Okay, this is the side game. Are they an inside or outside name? And then if you had to pick one person who's currently in this park to have that name, who would you pick? Okay, all right. All right, well, thanks pick? Okay. All right. All right. Well, thanks, Lang. Thanks, Lang.

Enjoy the fire and the microwave and everything else. Enjoy the roof, you fucking halfwit. Don't enjoy the fucking grass beneath our toes. Enjoy the fucking thick carpet between yours. Honestly, I know we're mocking this guy for being an inside name, but I'll tell you right now what I'm feeling. enjoy the fucking thick carpet between yours I honestly I know we're mocking this guy for being an inside name

but I'll tell you right now what I'm feeling I can't wait to be inside I can't wait to get home I'm having peri chicken gonna cook it on the microwave done all the prep

it's just ready to fucking chuck on the grill once I walk in the door it is what is it now it's like 6 o'clock I had a very small lunch my stomach is rumbling.

On the opposite. Oh. I've had my one meal for the day and that's that. I've overstuffed myself. I've had two fish and cheese sandwiches. Mm-hmm. Then I had a full bowl of vegetables with more fish. Okay.

And then I ate a large muffin. Okay. All in about 15 minutes. All right. And I've been very, very full since then. I had three muesli bars. And then I ate a large muffin all in about 15 minutes. And I've been very, very full since then. I had three muesli bars, so I am fucking ready to go off. I'm going to grill some corn on there, chuck the chicken on. It's going to be so good.

I'm not eating again, ever. Thanks, Lang. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Daniel Hunt. It's an outdoors name. Well, I was going to say Daniel, to me, is a bit indoorsy. Daniel's very indoors, but Hunt, we are not going to get a more outdoors surname than that. Okay, you've called it early. I've called it. You've called it early.

Hunt. Well, yeah, there's not a lot of, you're not coming, you're not coming home, but you're not walking up to your wife at the end of the day and said, I've completed the hunt. Check it out. I've got the ice cubes. Yeah, yeah. I've caught them.

Yeah. I've changed the router password. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've completed the hunt. I've hunted that. Yeah. Yeah. I've hunted for the password and I've got it.

Yeah. Yeah. There's not a lot to say indoors for it, is there? I've hunted that. Yeah. Yeah. I've hunted for the password and I've got it. Yeah. Yeah. That is a, yeah. There's not a lot to say indoors for it, is there? No. I mean, you do say, you know, you're hunting around in the house, but you're sort of saying it a little bit. You take it as you say it. I mean, the modern equivalent would be like, I'm going to head out to the supermarket to

get the groceries. Now, you are going outside when you're between the house and the supermarket, but that's still, strictly speaking, an indoor activity. I really, I can't get away from Daniel being a very indoors name. But then you think, well, maybe one of the most famous Daniels in the world is Daniel Boone, who was the outdoors man. Yeah, that's true. But I think I'm still right, and I think Daniel Boone is wrong. It speaks to how indoors-itized the name has become.

It's like the household cat. Yeah. The domesticated Daniel. The domesticated Daniel. Yeah, that's its roots. Yeah, it used to be a wild animal. It used to be a saber-toothed tiger. Years and years and years of nerdy Daniels have just completely changed the name.

Daniel's a real tabby now. Yeah. He's had his fangs taken out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's not even interested when a bird hits the window. It's like, nah, I had my whiskers fucking half an hour ago.

Barely rating a mention. I'm looking around the park to see if I can see anyone who looks like they'd be a Daniel Hunt. Yeah, that woman over there looks like a Daniel Hunt. No, I don't think so. That dog. Yeah, that dog. This dog coming up here Daniel Hunt. No, I don't think so. That dog. Yeah. This dog coming up here. Yeah.

Is that a Frenchie? Is that a French bulldog? It's like a... Yeah. Friend of the show, Josh Thomas, had at least a dog called John, which I always found very funny. Yeah. To give a normal person name to a dog is funny.

Daniel as a dog is funny. Danny's not that funny, but Daniel's funny. Daniel is, yeah. Calling his, but as an adult, it's interesting that this guy doesn't go by Dan or Danny. He's going the full Daniel, which I always find strange. Yeah, I would be a Danny, or I'd be hoping to be a Danny. At least a Dan. Daniel, yeah.

I don't know, Daniel. I don't know if I'd be going for it. Again, I'd want, you know, if this person went by Dan or... Oh, yeah, Dan Hunt. Dan Hunt. That's pure. You're born outside. You're born in the park.

You've never been in a building in your life. You're homeless. Your mum's giving birth in a park and they're like, should we call an ambulance? She's like, why would you do that? Yeah. I'm about to have Dan Hunt. I'm about to have Dan Hunt.

I've worked out the name. I know the gender. It's about to come out, my Dan Hunt. I'm about to have dan i'm about to have dan hunt i've worked out the name i know i'm married to dan it's whether it's a boy or a girl it still works it's danielle or it's daniel but it's going to be dan it's going to be known as dan i like this is an idea by the way we've talked about this about like you know when you have a kid and name it after yourself and you have to have junior and like the fact that girls don't really have that i like the idea of like dan hunt being the dad and then he's going, I'm going to call my kid Dan.

They're like, oh, Dan Junior. I'm like, no, just another Dan Hunt. Well, won't that get confusing? It's like, well, that's your fucking problem. You guys work it out. I know who I am. I'm not ever going to be accidentally calling out to myself. The bill for the power is probably going to be mine rather than the two-year-old.

It's not a big deal for me. It's like I'm calling him son. He's calling me dad. Yeah, yeah. So we're set. What do we give a fuck? I'm never like, which one am I again? Yeah, yeah.

The baby or the adult? Did we talk about this? I really like the idea of just calling your child Junior. Yeah, yeah. I'm not calling them that because they're also called Tommy. Yeah. First name on the birth certificate yeah junior i like the idea of calling calling a kid senior and then going well and then them growing up and going why was i called seniors like so you can have a kid called junior at some stage and go oh fuck all right i don't get a choice for

that one or no it's just you hate being an adult so much that you just want your kid to outrank you as soon as they're out it's like you know what yeah adult so much that you just want your kid to outrank you. As soon as they're out, it's like, you know what? I'm regressing. You can raise me now. I know you can't speak. You're looking around the room. You have no idea what's going on. You're not taking any of this in.

But I've been doing this for 35 years. It's fucking your turn. And what's for dinner? Yes. Can you drive me to my friend's house? Can I borrow some money? What's this white stuff coming out of my dick? Ironically,

it was you. Yeah, he's my son's senior. Thanks, Daniel. Thanks, Daniel. Thanks, Daniel Hunt. 1-1. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. Wow, wow, wow. Now, you said you said we've got the ultimate outdoorsman.

Let's see. Let's see what you say. Let's see if you're still whistling the same dicks you now. Rodney Tree. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Adrian Tan. Oh, okay. How many tans are you getting inside? Okay. Yep.

Yep. Fuck. Tanning salon. Yeah. But we're also not too far away from the tan running track. Okay. Which I used to run pretty regularly when I was living in the area. Which is, you know, last time I ran there, didn't have a roof on it.

No. No. No, it's got, I mean, there's these little buildings around there. But the track doesn't cut through the buildings at any point. If any of these people walk past and you say to them, is tanning outside tan? Outside or inside? They're going to say outside. Outside, yeah.

Yeah. Maybe, yeah, when we were living in the era of everyone loving the tanning bed, I reckon the tide was about to turn on the tan. People being like, this is great.

It's not weather dependent. You get it at the time of day that suits you. You can get one at night if you want. But since they got kind of, I don't know, outlawed or whatever happened.

Yeah. Yeah, I think you're right. Wow, I really didn't expect a name like Tan to be coming up. Straight off the back of it too. Straight off the back of it. I mean, you see where I'm coming from though. Yes. Like Hunt.

Yeah. I mean, I think I'm forgiven for not thinking it's going to be getting any better than that. It's quite a twist and a turn. Yeah. It's, like I said, it's not rigged. This is the truth. The stranger than fiction, as they say. Yes, absolutely.

Do you think maybe the unplanned title alternate is starting to get influenced by its environment? This is nature versus nurture. Literally. Is this like the Facebook thing where you say, oh, I'd really like some anal sex, and all of a sudden an ad for dildos comes up? Yeah, an ad for Carl Chandler.com. Yes. What was the first name again?

I've completely been blindsided by it. Adrien. Neither here nor there for me. It's pretty indoors for me, I have to say. Yeah. It's big IT vibes for me. I guess it is Adrien. It's sort of like it's not a thick sounding name, is it?

It's not Adrien. If it was Adrien, I'd think maybe it's outdoors, but it's quite clearly Adrian. Yeah. Yeah. It is nice being outside, isn't it? It's pretty good. We truly have picked a good night to do this. Yeah.

This has been one of the nicer afternoons we've had in the last couple of months. Yeah. Since getting... Fuck, I hope someone takes a picture of us and puts it on Twitter and it goes viral and just like, check out these losers. Let's never come out of lockdown if this is what's going to happen. This is the most Melbourne thing of all time.

It really does reek of that. It's like, could there be a more Melbourne thing? Doing a podcast at the park. Also, the people that are walking past us with masks on. Whenever I walk past someone that doesn't have a mask on, I give them the big fucking death stare. And people are just walking past. I'm like, yeah, I wouldn't be doing this.

I'm broadcasting. Yes. Yeah. I'm part of the media. I'm part of the fake news media. Yeah. Well, he's not wearing a mask for the entire show of the project. Yes.

And honestly, he's not checking his phone with a mask on during the project. And you know what? Even if they did, their lapel mics would probably still pick them up. I don't think these mics that we're holding right now have the ability to pick our voices up through the cloth of a mask. Probably not. Yeah. I mean, someone coming over and telling us off would be a pretty fucking good outcome.

Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. I really hope it happens. Everyone looks... Like I said, we haven't seen anyone that really seems very outdoorsy, let alone the sort of person with the agates to come over and tell us. Yeah, no agates. It's a no agate zone.

Yeah. This old woman checking out the ducks, she looks like she's potentially got it in her. Yeah, she might. She might come over and do a bit of, like... Sticky beaking. Yeah, a bit of, like, I'm old enough. I don't give a fuck what happens. I'll tell you off. Yeah, I've heard over and do a bit of like... Sticky beaking. Yeah, a bit of like, I'm old enough. I don't give a fuck what happens. I'll tell you off.

I don't care if you push me in this leg. It's probably better at Anasus way. Yeah. If I'm allowed outdoors and all I'm doing is looking at fucking ducks, there's clearly not much going on. One thing I'd say about the name Adrian Tan, in terms of its indoors or outdoors, there's a limited time of the year where that's applying.

You can't be getting a tan year round. So you do have to be outdoors, but for a very small segment of the year. So it's not a 365 days a year outdoor name. It's maybe like a – depends what country you're in, of course. But it's like, okay, you're not getting a tan in winter. But you're also not getting a tan in winter inside. No, you're right. Unless you're someone who bought a tanning bed off the black market after they all got.

And we don't approve that. We don't condone that. We can't sign off on that. We can't sign off on that. You're definitely outside. It's still an outside name. Does being windburnt count as a tan? It doesn't really, though.

Not really. It's just being windburnt. No. I don't know if I've ever had windburn. Yeah, I have. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Just stings like sunburn, right? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, it's just not great. You're not seeing someone at the races and they're like, hey, what do you think? I'm windburnt. I'm usually pretty pasty. Yeah. But I went down to the velodrome and, yeah, it was quite a day,

quite a windy day down there and that's how I got this brown. What about Adrian Tan's cousin, Simon Sunburn? Just like more reckless, just, you know, more of a bit of a bad boy, never quite playing by, you know, Adrian's kind of, you know, he's going out there, he's getting the tan, he's sensible, he's sunscreening when he needs to. Yeah. But he's got this reckless cousin who's like, I don't give a fuck about anything, man. Fuck, how can we be, there's fucking two planes that are operating in the whole state at the moment.

Oh no, it's a helicopter. All right. Yeah, well, I was going to say, what are the odds of us getting a plane overhead at the moment? But at the moment, with all the fucking protests, it's surprising there hasn't been six helicopters go by by now. Absolutely. Yeah. Imagine if we were down here when they were,

if they just late in the day decided to congregate in Fitzroy Gardens at quarter to six at night. I, yeah, last week, Little Blanket was having a bit of a rough day where she was just like, you know, you've got to keep taking her outside and stuff like that. She's getting frustrated. She'd already been to the park fucking twice. I was like, you know what?

We're getting on a train. What do you think about the train? She's like, yeah, train, train. And so I took her into the city. I was like, this will be cool. We walk around and all of a sudden fucking cops on horses and helicopters and everything. I was like, oh, nice. I've just brought my child of a sudden fucking cops on horses and helicopters. And I was like, Oh nice.

I've just brought my child into a fucking protest. Yeah. Very nice. Very good stuff. And just went right back on the train. Yeah. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah.

Um, uh, all right. Uh, thanks Adrian. Thanks Adrian Tan. Thank you to patron subscriber. So we're,

we're two one at the moment. We'd have to say. Lang Sharp for the inside, Daniel Hunt, Adrian Tan outside. Alright, here we go. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Jake Barkley. Okay, see this is more... Those last two, bizarrely

enough, have had actual outdoor things as their surnames. Yes. It was kind of getting away from the point of what I wanted in this exercise. Having to kind of vibe it out. Getting it in Congress name and allocating something that wasn't obvious. Yeah. Although I will say this isn't a million miles away from that because Bark, Tan Bark, Outdoors,

I mean, there's some right behind us right now. Yeah, it's B-A-R-C-L-A-Y. I mean, you could say that's got nothing to do with it. You could say it's a famous bank. I mean, banks are outdoors, but there's also, you know, you usually use them indoors. So they're a bit of both. Boy, that's a real, like, 4 a.m. pulling a bong question, isn't it? The building itself is outside, but then once you're in it, you're inside.

Pretty much like everything in the world. Am I inside or outside? Yeah. Have you ever noticed you've got five fingers? Bark and then lay. You're laying down on a nice picnic rug, but you're also laying down on a bed that's inside your house. I think we're going to have to go with the phonetics of this more than what we...

Jake Barkley. It does have a lumberjack-y kind of... Yeah, it's got a real outdoorsman vibe to me. Yeah. Barclay. Yeah, it's got like a guy living in a log cabin, flannel shirt. He's chopping his own wood for the fire. Oh, chopping his own wood.

Yeah, he's living off the land. I don't know. I'm sort of getting the vibe of it the other way. I don't know. I don't know. I'm sort of getting the vibe of it the other way. I don't know. I don't know. I can't quite shake it. Yeah. Barclay, because it's like the name of a bank, I just kind of think.

He works at a bank. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. It's like, I don't think of banks as outdoorsy. I might be wrong. Well, here's what's helping me get to the conclusion I've gotten to. I've never heard of that branch of bank.

Okay, all right. So I'm unencumbered by having that in my head. Okay, well, I'm too influenced. I'm like, I'm the juror that gets struck because I'd been stabbed in the leg by OJ Simpson once. So I'm like, I can't really be a fair witness here. I reckon he's going to be guilty. Also, I saw him do it, so I probably shouldn't be on the jury. This isn't going to be fair because I think he did it.

And I saw him definitely do it. And he told me just before I walked in, I haven't seen you since the stabbing. Getting yourself taken off the jury, but after everyone's presented their evidence and being like, I'm afraid I can't be a fair juror because now I've heard the evidence and it's too obvious to me that he did it, so I need to be removed. All I've listened to for two weeks is bad stuff about this guy.

Like, I'm pretty biased. Very biased. You want someone who's just going to come in and shoot from the hip. Yeah. You want someone with a coin that's going to just flip it. I'm too smart. I've taken too much of it in, and I just don't see how I can really weigh up any other possible conclusion

other than the fact that he did it. Yeah. Fuck, there's a lot of helicopters going. It's really kicking off. All right. Well, I've got a bound to yours. I'm too influenced. So you're saying outdoorsy.

I think outdoorsy. Jake Barclay. Look, Jake is an outdoorsy name, let's say. I'm happy to go with it. Yep. Which, of course, means that it's a tiebreaker. Lang Sharp, Jake Barclay, indoors. Daniel Hunt, Adrian Tan, outdoors.

Wait, no, we're saying Jake Barclay's outdoors. Jake Barclay outdoors, sorry. Adrian Tan, Daniel Hunt, indoors. But you're right. Maybe it would be better if it was a tiebreak. Yeah. Well, it's two or we need we need a tie break we need one okay one more yeah we'll do one more so it's one more yeah okay all right last one this will this will be the tiebreaker uh thank you very much to patient subscriber okay thank you very much to doorway

comedy doorway but this is like your bank thing because a doorway it's which way are you going Thank you very much to Doorway Comedy. Doorway. But this is like your bank thing. Because a doorway, which way are you going through it? Wow. Yeah, this is a real tough one. This is a real... And comedy, I would have said before the pandemic, strictly indoors. Yes. But here we are doing comedy in a park for the last half an hour.

And this is the funniest damn thing I've ever heard. By definition, I now think comedy is outdoors. I'll be honest. Excuse me, sir. Do you think this is comedy that we're doing? Can you think of anything but this as comedy from now on? Well, thanks, Doorway. And thanks, everyone who supports the Little Dum Dum Club on Patreon.

Yeah, patreon.com slash littledumdumclub. Get yourself the two bonus episodes every week. Thank you to Spleen Bar. Go and check them out after the, when things are open in Melbourne. Great bar. Comedy on Monday nights. Let us know. Give us some emails, littledumbdumbclub at gmail.com.

Let us know about country pubs, about country towns. You don't even necessarily maybe have to live in those towns. You could have lived in that town before and you know everything you know everything about it you've got a friend in that town you've got you need some knowledge don't just say uh i know a town called bumsy bumsyville yeah and that sounds funny like i know let us know about it but we're not going to go there i know and plenty of people have told us this before in the past actually that there is a town in new south wales called dum dum yep and look that would be cool if we were fucking allowed there Plenty of people have told us this before in the past, actually, that there is a town in New South Wales called Dum Dum. Yep. And look, that would be cool if we were fucking allowed there.

Yep. But at the moment, we're dreaming of getting to fucking Frankston. We're not technically allowed to go there. Exactly. So we're not going to be going interstate. We're going to be going country Victoria. We've set ourselves a three-hour limit from Melbourne. Yep.

I mean, an hour of that really is getting out of the fucking city, to be honest. That's true. Yeah. So, yeah, give us some realistic, if you've got some knowledge, don't just say, oh, Echuca sounds nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not going to fucking Echuca. Don't just name stuff. We need the knowledge. We need motel information.

We need bakery information. We need pub definitely information. We need local crazy people information. We need loser information. We need a fucking loser in we need loser information we need a fucking loser in the town whose life we

can make better alright guys thanks for listening and we'll see you next time see ya mates