The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 583 - Sami Shah & Adam Knox

Episode Date: November 30, 2021

This week we're joined by newcomer SAMI SHAH and showbusiness legend ADAM KNOX! Sami guides us through a specific part of life in Pakistan that very much appeals to us: McDonalds. We also hear about his insanely ambitious first-ever gig, and we have some questions about his luxury watch business. As we get closer and closer to our big live show in Heathcote, Chandler's hit a few logistical speed bumps that have kept him up at night. PLUS Tommy's trying to uncover more details from a bombshell story about his dad meeting quite possibly the most famous people in the world. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a great new episode with guests Adam Knox and Sammy Shah. We have a few live things coming up. Just a reminder, if you've got tickets to them, December 11th, we're in Heathcote doing the big bus trip out there for our big country gig. January the 15th, we have the live 500th episode. Just a handful of tickets left to them. Get those if you have missed out or if you didn't miss out. If you've been sitting on one for a couple of years now, your original ticket is still valid. You can use your antique tickets. Yes.

That is also the case for January the 29th in Brisbane. Your original tickets, if you had them to that, are still valid. But that is all sold out. That's right. That's at 2.30. That's the live podcast plus stand up. And then straight after that, we're doing a live talking dum-dum over the road at 5.30. Yes.

And then March the 5th we have our rescheduled Perth date and as with all the others you've been very patient if you've got your tickets, those are still valid I believe you've been emailed during the week I think there's a couple more available There's a few more

Handful of people who couldn't make it to that new date so if you missed out and you can make this new date snap up those tickets. We will talk to you more at the end of the episode in Talking Dum Dum. But until then, enjoy this new episode with Adam Knox and Sammy Shah. Hey, mates.

Welcome once again into the Little Dumumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dassler. And with me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. Hey, Dickhead. Joining us today, two very special guests. Please welcome into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Adam Knox and Sammy Shah. Special guests.

That's right. Yeah. Look at us. Special Olympics, though. Like different kind of special. Like the better one. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's right. Look at us. Special Olympics, though. Different kind of special. Like the better one. It's funnier. If you guys are special guests,

I can't wait to be on an episode where we just have guests. Yeah. Well, no, it's very nice, Sammy. You're on the show for the first time. Thank you very much. Long-time listener, first-time contributor. I'll help you out. Don't worry about it.

I've done broadcasting before It's okay Which end do you hold your face? You've got it right, kid What are the tips and tricks of being on this podcast, Noxy? Come in with a good attitude Leave it all on the field You could get close to saying it

But don't quite say it and again thanks for taking a break from the cat skills to come and do our podcast thank you

I've heard the word cat skills before but I don't know what it like in old days Jewish entertainers players

yeah that's kind of what I'm doing I'm doing like someone named Don yeah what's his name

that guy used to be on Carson all the time Don Rickles yeah him yeah that's me he played the Catskills big fat old dead cunt

that's me is the Catskills a ski lodge I think it is is that what it is it's in the same ballpark as the Friars Club yeah

old show what did you say Sammy just then yeah the Borscht Belt Borscht Belt yeah that's what it used to be called right where all the old Jewish guys used to go

and just do the like they just swap material with go and just do the... Like, they'd just swap material with each other. Yes. Everyone would do the same kind of action stuff. Yeah, it's like Perth. Yeah. Fuck doing comedy, but it wouldn't rule.

Just eight jokes that everyone uses. Fuck, it would have been awesome. I went to the cat schools. They call it that because you've got to jump up on a table to get there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We all say it. You've got to close on on a table to get there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We all say it. You've got to close on licking your ass. Oh, man, I had a furball last night.

I tell you. Oh. It is a thing because I would read comedy books growing up and there would be cat skills. And instead of just now, you just go, oh, that's the name of something. You go, what skills do the cats have? What the fuck is this?

Being sassy? There's one of those TikTok cats that can dance as well. Yeah. Right, right, right. Bring a dead mice to the stage. Okay, all right. It's trying to teach us all. He stole it off fucking Fluffy.

Imagine if comedy had never progressed past that era, if stand-ups still functioned in that way where it's like everyone's just sharing jokes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those real gig pigs that go to multiple shows during the comedy fest and they're like, yeah, I went to five things tonight. I feel like I just sat through the same hour again. I saw six people that opened up a bag of snakes alive.

They're all dead? I opened up a bag of snakes alive. They were all dead. I don't know, Callan. I feel like I heard that one earlier tonight. Well, speaking of old showbiz, we were just talking about this off air. There's a doco. About 90 minutes that we did off air.

Yeah, yeah. Not even briefly on. Just, yeah. In the brief window where we weren't talking about comedians from other states. That's right. People who listen to this won't be familiar with. Don Rickles. We're bitching about Don Rickles. From the state of Catskills.

Yeah, we were talking about the Beatles doco that's out at the moment. I saw my dad the other day and I was telling him about it. And he goes, oh, yeah, yeah, I should watch it. Catch up with my old mate Ringo. And I'm like, what? And he goes, yeah, I hung out with Ringo once. Wait, actual story? I met Ringo, yeah.

Holy shit. Hang on. Is your dad Yoko? He's never brought this up before? Never heard this in my life. Never heard this in my life. 35 years old. This was after a 15-minute story that he told about calling up Hewlett-Packard because his keyboard wasn't working.

You're rolling out stuff like this and you're sitting on some – surely you've driven past the billboards for the doco and that's made you think, I'll open up with this yarn. Surely you've noticed some touching of culture in the last 40 years of our Beatles and gone, I'll bring this one, huh? Yeah. Nah, never come up before. Please, please, we never showed up in a shopping centre

or whatever. There's no... That's another example of when it might have come up. A great example. Yeah. That's why you are... The car radio. That's why you're a special guest.

Thank you. That time I went to India because I was really burnt out on comedy and acting and it was really good for me. You and your dad recorded an album at Abbey Road? Like, did you come up there? Every time he walks on a zebra crossing. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, you know. So, yeah, I'm like, oh, so, yeah, tell me everything. How's this come about? And he goes, well, there was, like, there was this, like, event. There was, like, a morning tea at the town hall in the 60s that I got invited to. In Melbourne. In Melbourne. And yeah, they were all there, all four of them.

I was hanging out with all four of them. I'm like, all the fab four of them. He's like, yeah. And I'm like, wait. Also, by the way, he hung out with all of them. And he opened the story with Ringo. The time I hung out with Ringo. Exactly. Norwood chooses Ringo as the big opener.

Exactly. That's the big log line of his story. Yeah. Ringo was also good. I was hanging out with all three of them and Ringo. I was hanging out with Ringo, et cetera. Yeah. Yeah.

So, yeah. So, I'm like, yeah, I'm immediately making fun of him about that. I'm like, this is your big logline of the story. I met Ringo when it's actually you holding court with all of them. And he's like, yeah, well, I went over and I was talking to all of them and then they kind of just, the other three sort of drifted off. And then it was Ringo that I actually ended up having the lengthy conversation with. About hearing back on keyboard.

Yeah. I actually ended up having the lengthy conversation. About hearing back on keyboard. Yeah. Okay, so now the logline of the story is, I bored the three other people. I was being so uninteresting, only the drummer wanted to hear what I was talking about. The guy with hearing damage probably. Or just Ringo was standing closest to the corner of the room.

Yeah. So the other three were able to go, oh. No, you know what? No, no. They were playing and all the others were like standing up. He was sitting behind the kid. Yeah, right. So the other three were able to go, oh. No, you know what? No, no, no. They were playing and all the others were like standing up. He was sitting behind the kid. Yeah, so I texted him last night and said, I need more info about this window story.

And I've just realised he's left me on read. So I'll give him a rev up now. He's texting his famous friends. Yeah, yeah. I mean, why would he bother fucking having to go back in time and bring up that horrible experience of the time three people didn't listen to his story? Leonard McCartney ghosted him.

Let's get out of here. This guy's a real drip. This story's never going to end. What's he on about? Actually, that's weird. I did wonder why the song Nowhere Man had a wall topping. Why was that? Boring old man in Australia.

Leave us alone. Leave us alone. Leave us alone. I need to watch all that get backed up. All fucking 72 hours of it. Just to see if a boring architect from Melbourne cops a little mention at any point. Working title of that old album, Sergeant Allsop's Boring Dumb Company. Okay, all right.

There's like an entire thing where he's just bored and we're going, what rhymes with Dastanil? What rhymes with Dastanil? Because, yeah, how many times did they come out here? That must have been. One time. So that's like the fucking absolute piece of it. That's the one.

And then they never came back. There's no way of risking it again. Okay, it wasn't Yoko, it was Mr. Rolf. We're striking off Manila and we're striking off Melbourne. All right, well, hopefully I can get some updates

about what he actually... I'd love to know what key pieces and what chit-chat Dad remembers. What got rid of the other three and what enthralled Ringo? Tell me more about this garden you're building for an octopus. That's fascinating. Actually, would have been a thing Dad might have been working on. He's an architect. He could have designed the garden.

Not really a thing, probably. He designed the chimp part of the zoo. Yeah. He's an architect. He could have designed the garden. Not really, I think, probably. He designed the chimp part of the zoo. Right. Wait, really? Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. What about a tree in the middle?

Wow. Let's give him a little swing. You get a tyre, you tie some rope on it, you put it in the tree, and they're going to go fucking bonkers for it. Three words for you guys. Space for bananas. Yeah.

All right. Interesting. Yeah. All right. We'll hear about that. I'd love to know if Ringo was able to get a word in. I highly doubt it. I reckon it really would have been dad holding court about some,

literally some shit he would have been doing in his garden that morning. But that's also like, if you ever like, you know, you've seen it happen or it's even, I'm sure it happened to you guys. Like when fans corner you, they don't want to have a conversation.

They want to monologue at you. Usually right about your back. Oh, what? Yeah. But yeah, they want it like, it's like a thing that happens Always at every cultural festival

Someone's like, I have a question And it's just a manifesto Check out how much I know about your work And then at the end When you get your ideas Right at the end just tilt it upwards So it sounds like there's a question Right, right

I bet dad was probably thinking Just talking at Ringo and going, well, I mean, of course they'll come back. They're such a huge band. Next time they're out here when I meet him, he can do some talking. Now I'm going to steer the conversation. These guys are over it. Yeah, yeah.

Fuck, what were you... You boys ever think of getting a haircut? Why would... It was some sort of, like, fucking dinner party, some sort of... Morning tea, was it? Something like that, yeah. It sounds like a meet and greet,

like for the label and stuff like that. They often do that for those, like, big... What was your dad doing to get... Yeah, how did he get access to that? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Freemason or... Architect of note.

Oh, really? Maybe. Okay. Or maybe he designed the room that they met in. Maybe that was a part of the thing he like wrote into the contract I have to be in this room

anytime you bring anyone good in it yeah he built the drums Ringo was using yeah John Paul George listen boys

we're gonna have the meeting in the chimp enclosure today it might seem weird but that's where we've got to go I'm all about I'm all about animals in rooms what you got beetles in to go. I'm all about animals in rooms.

What? You've got beetles in a room? Okay. I'm on that one. Yeah. I think that was another one of his. The beetle part. Right.

The butterflies. The butterfly. A type of beetle. Okay. Yeah. Insects. No. I don't know anything about insects.

I don't think I went to the zoo to see beetles. No. Well, every zoo has an enclosure where it's like, I can just see this out. Yeah, that's mozzies. Like, why do I, behind glass or on me? Like, which one am I looking at? They're not claiming them, I don't think.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's our fly enclosure. It's a termite enclosure. It used to have the possums in it, but unfortunately it fell down and killed the possums after the termites bit through the wood. All the ants in the kitchen of the kiosk. That's our work.

When the zoo was a new concept, there must have been a lot of trial and error. Exactly what you're saying, Noxy. It's like, oh, we put these two animals together in the same bit and wouldn't you know it, one of them ate the other. Alright, now we've learnt we put that area over there and then the other one over on the other side of the zoo. Maybe we need a smaller cage.

Those fucking things they used to put them in. Tiny. Tiny little things. These ones taste good. Okay, well, maybe we don't have cows in zoos anymore. We've talked about this before, but my dad is the only person I know that has red receipts still on his iMessage. I've got two or three.

And it's, yeah, so yeah, he wouldn't know this. I don't know how my mum did this. I gave, you know, it's that thing where you've got to turn it off. You turn off the red receipts. Yeah. So you just send, you know, so if you get a message, it doesn't just come up as saying red. It just says send, so you don't know whether the person's got it or not.

It's a bit, it's seen as know whether the person's got it or not. It's seen as a bit old school to give that red receipt out, right? No one, yeah, no one under the age of like 60. Yes. Even though it's universally agreed upon that everyone sees every message they get straight away. Yeah, yeah. No one's actually ever legitimately missing a phone call or message, but we've all agreed to pretend.

Yeah, the other person knowing like right now dad's seen it dad's seen it as soon as I've sent it but he doesn't know that I'm sitting here going you can't

I've got all day to respond to this yeah you had all day for fucking Ringo I'm not your own son so I gave my old phone to my mum I didn't have it

on red receipt somehow she doesn't know anything about phones somehow she's converted to have it on red receipt she doesn't know how to do anything Somehow, she's converted to have it on red receipts now. She doesn't know how to do anything,

but she has inserted the true boomer function of the phone. That's how she's gone in reverse. The phone just knew. She watched it and it just came to life. Yeah, it's got the thumbprint thing. It's like, ah, you're 70. Count the rings of the thumbprint like a tree. You'll be needing this.

Thumbs up emoji it is. Every single week. But it must be nice getting to that age where you're like, yeah, you're goddamn right, I saw your message and I haven't replied yet. What are you going to fucking do about it? I don't care. You know I've got nothing better to do. I left you on read.

John, Paul and George left me on read. Back in 1964. I was thinking about it. he hasn't told the story ever before and he's keeping it vague right now maybe something horrible happened oh yeah maybe him and the beatles had a really really traumatizing experience he got bogged by the beatles yeah basically i'm just saying maybe there's a book here yeah okay all right all right yeah because i mean we got told by the Maharishi that we had to fuck

the best architect in every town it's the only way we can have a good show I know it's not real but I just every time you say it I keep thinking

is it possible you're he fucked a beetle and you're the sun is that is that how it works is that how it works it was the swinging 60s right because you knew it was based on my dad he fucked a beetle and you're the son? Is that how it works?

It was the swinging 60s. Right. Junior was based on my dad. That documentary Junior. Dad and Ringo. John always pretended he didn't have a wife. Did Ringo pretend he didn't have a son?

Yeah. Well that chat they had that was pillow talk. Right. And then the other three they did the old nail on baby Yeah Well or even dirtie

Yeah You got the drums in the corner as well Maybe Yes Maybe this wasn't so much Of a morning lunch It was more of a swingers party Yeah

Yeah okay Because dad's not into music Mum Well you know Inverted commas mum She's not into music She might be more into musicians Yeah

I grew up loving music so it's like there's no genetic there's no you played the drums yeah Noxy just said that oh fuck are you the child

of fucking Helen Keller you might also be hang on hang on she was blind fuck you might also be the child of Ringo Starr

because that timing was terrible nah yeah that was devastating, just reaching. Ah, famous deaf person. Helen Keller's got something going on here. Ray Charles backwards. Um, Liberace.

Oh, no. All right. Here we go. Oh, we got... Is this your dad? Oh, shit. Oh, finally. I'm sorry.

Is this your guy who's pretending to be your dad? Yeah. I finally I'm sorry is this your Breaking news live updates Yeah I just said I followed up to the Ringo message with Hello Hello too We are testing a cafe Too noisy

Mum's having lunch with Uncle Doug on Monday We've decided to use your birthday vouchers after Christmas Mum's had one student already Two more this afternoon What are you doing today? He is avoiding the topic I'm currently doing a podcast Where we're talking about you fucking the Beatles. Yeah, I want to know this Ringo story.

Give us just what did you ask? What did you talk to Ringo that kept him in thrall? What did you say that drove the other three away? Yeah, yeah. Okay, about what you talked to Ringo about. Great. All right, here we go. Fuck.

I love the idea that this documentary's come out right as we're speaking, and that's the thing that's brought this out of him. I'm like, oh, the Beatles have just never come up before in the last 40 years. And now that I saw, oh, okay. Even when he designed the Beatles enclosure, it never crossed his mind to bring it up. This is going to be a bigger task than Peter Jackson sifting through those 56,000 minutes to make Get Back.

Tommy, I told you about how I met a mortal engine once, and I told you about how I met King Kong. It's just coming up in that order. Now I'm telling you about Uncle Doug. Yeah. Which is rhyming slang for having a tug. Is it really? Yes.

Oh, wow. I never knew that. Who was going to have an Uncle Doug? My mum. Yeah. And she's had two students already. Couldn't get enough. Wow.

There's a lot we need to ask. There's more questions. There's more questions. Text your mum now. Fucking hell, my parents are really having a busy time on this episode.

Testing out a cafe to see if they're okay with it. I get it. I like how before I came, Carl was like, think of anything good to talk about. Apparently Tommy's parents

being whores is all we're doing today. Ah, yes. Well, yes, Sammy. Yeah, well, no, we were saying off air, we were talking about we are doing this in the morning. We've just broken our fast.

I don't know. Is Tommy doing intermittent fasting at the moment? I'm not sure. Well, you said before we started recording, Knox, that you didn't have breakfast today. Yeah, I skipped it in order to hurry here. Yeah. But I don't generally eat breakfast anyway.

Yeah. And Sammy said, are you fasting or are you lazy yeah and you're like there's more than two options and i'm in the same i just don't have breakfast and it's not because i'm trying to do the fasting i just stopped having breakfast a while ago i'm just preparing to gorge later yeah fair enough no i'm not judging it was a query that's what i do that's what i do in thailand i feel like it's a waste to eat like eggs and toast and shit like that when it's like i can eat two curries for lunch you know what you can do in australia as well you can eat two curries for lunch if you want yeah it comes back to bite you later on but you know where how important is breathing i i'm protesting breakfast

i think it's sick what uncle toby's been getting away with. What's that rhyming slang for? Uncle Toby's? Having a... Having a... Moby? Listening to Moby. Listening to Moby. Listening to Moby.

You wouldn't want to tell someone you were listening to Moby, so you've got to... Having an Uncle Toby's. He's so 90s. Yeah, why would you admit that? But then you were saying something about breakfast that back in Pakistan they had a deal with... Yeah, Mac would you admit that? But then you were saying something about breakfast. Back in Pakistan, they had a deal with... Yeah, Maccas and stuff.

Because Ramadan, right? Because we're talking about fasting and stuff. And so all the big fast food places, Maccas, Pizza Hut. Pizza Hut is huge there. And KFC, they all have Ramadan specials. So people will fast all day from sunrise. And at sunset, after a whole day of fasting they will you know break their fastest fucking maccas yeah and it's like that is the worst choice you

could have made in in your life right now like the one heart disease is killing half the country and shit is literally kfc i love the idea of saying with all this brutal food they go oh man don't go to maccas it'll give you yeah no but like you're supposed to like eat something small and light and like you're eating, like if you go to Pizza Hut, the Ramadan special every year is a pizza where they put a kebab

in the crust. I don't think that's that weird that it's a pizza. I'm sorry. They put a kebab in the crust of the pizza. So there's a whole pizza and the crust

has a kebab in it. That's like the sausage. The sausage one here. They had like a hot dog one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. And didn't they have a meat pie one at one point? Yeah, yeah.

Where the crust was a meat pie. What? I didn't realize I was doing Ramadan every day. It's a holy ritual. That's what you were all doing. Man, I don't mind it at all. I do love that the traditional end of a holy ritual is Pizza Hut. Yeah.

Yeah. It's the worst Western food and all that stuff. Yeah, yeah's just, it's the worst, like, Western food and all that stuff. Yeah, they love it. That's how you end it. It's very funny to get to,

like, the end of, like, a very traditional religious kind of holiday and go, all right, fam,

where are we going? Macca's or Pizza Hut? It was such a big deal when it opened, though, man. Like, I remember,

so Macca's opened, first, just the drive-thru opened and there would be an hour's wait to go get your car through the drive-thru. Like, you're just waiting in's wait to go get your car through the drive-thru. Like, you're just waiting in lines and lines.

Because it was like... And this isn't like in the 70s or 80s. This is... I'm talking the year 2004 or something. This is back when people were stupid. Recently, we had this problem. But also, you're saying it's not like the 70s. Yes, I do realize that you're telling the story

after you were born. Yeah, yeah. I was born in 78. It could have happened, yeah. That's very funny that then you moved to Perth and then they did it all again with Krispy Kreme. Can't wait for Ramadan to be over so I can hit up Chicken Treat. Just absolutely gorge myself.

So what are the... Are there, like, traditional... Are there kind of things that people traditionally will eat to break the fast in Ramadan? So Makkas is kind of putting stuff like that on the menu. I mean, yeah. It's just like an ad campaign kind of thing where Rimas is like, fuck, I'm famished. Yeah, basically. You gotta do dates.

You have to like break the fast with a date and you have to have like a sip of water. Okay. And then you go pray Or whatever And then you come back And then you can eat anything Right You know Then you like properly

Can become a glutton God that prayer must be brutal You're so close But so close It's the worst Yeah is that So that means Intermittent fasting

In Pakistan They're like Okay so you're just gonna Not be religious about this Yeah yeah It's the same deal But basically like If you eat Like especially in like Most Muslim countries so you're just going to not be religious about this? Yeah, yeah. You're just going to do the same deal. But basically, like, if you eat, like, especially in, like, most Muslim countries, if you're caught eating during Ramadan, like, they beat the fuck out of you.

Really? Who does it? The cops would beat you up. Dude, mobs would beat you up. The cops would beat you up. Is it a brushable? Yeah. Man, the cheese.

Yeah, they all come out there, grimaces, wearing knuckle dusters. No, no. And it's all ordered by Colonel Sanders, of course. He's at the top of the pile. Birdie pecks your eyes out. Why didn't Pizza Hut ever have a guy, like a little mascot? They need a little fucking pizza man. Are they at Dougie in Australia?

Who's the Noid in America? You avoid the Noid. Was he Domino's? I think that's Domino's. There was a pizza place. I've never heard of the Noid. The Noid was? What's that? I think that's Domino's It was a pizza place I've never heard of the Noid The Noid was like This little fucking red thing

And he was like I'm gonna get you pizza And you were like But what's a Noid? Trying to avoid him That was his name He gets you pizza Avoid the

It rhymes with avoid Because you avoid the Noid But what did he look like? Yeah he's Domino's Like you know He looks like a little rabbit Yeah he looks like the tick But red

Okay alright He's got rabbit ears But then like a human face Yeah yeah He looks like the Subway. Yeah, he looks like the tick. Okay, all right. He's got rabbit ears, but then like a human face. Yeah, yeah. He looks like the... Subway tried one too with their spokesperson, but that didn't work out. Yeah, yeah.

You've got to avoid him too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He attracted too many kids. Yeah, yeah. He's more successful than Ronald McDonald that way. Pizza Hut pedophile says, come on down. We'll just go with him from the start, us. So yeah, what do you eat?

Prices are so low, I'm sexually attracted to them. So yeah, so the fast ends, you have your water. You have your water, you have your one date, and then you do your prayer, and then you can eat whatever. So we've got traditional foods, cultural foods, but you go out to a restaurant to celebrate. And Macca's is still considered a bit of an experience. Yes.

It's still pretty new over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a novel. Advertising is more powerful than tradition, right? Yeah. Like fucking Japan invented a thing. Like the KFC in Japan. You know this?

The Christmas? Yeah. We talked about this on this did you really yeah okay so they pretend to be Christmas yeah and the same thing with McDonald's

where they're like yeah yeah yeah nah we're Ramadan yeah I'm getting it yum yum yum yeah yeah so what you're saying is Japan

it's a real tradition to go to KFC for Christmas yes which is absolutely bizarre very weird yes but it's weird to do any tradition because I mean over here

it's where you go when you want I mean over here it's where you go when you want to spew yeah it's where you go when like you've drunk too much and I guess there it's the same thing

but just festive yeah and it works and everyone loves KFC at Christmas Jewish people in Australia go for and I think in America

as well go for Chinese food during Christmas as well really I always heard fillet a fish as well at McDonald's

because you can't eat other stuff but during Christmas because they know that the I always heard fillet a fish as well at McDonald's because you can't eat other stuff. But during Christmas because they know that Chinatown will be open. Right. Because everyone else

is at home celebrating with families. Because they side with the people who aren't celebrating Christmas. That's right. It's an ally ship born of hatred

of Christians. Hatred of Santa. Yeah. You can finally get a table at Shanghai Dumpling House on the Monday of hatred of Christians, basically. Hatred of Santa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can finally get a table at a Shanghai dumpling house on the Monday of the year that's not overrun by 18-year-olds sharing a slab. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah.

It's like Tony Martin, every year he's like, best day to go to the movies? Grand final day. No one's in there. Get the whole city for yourself. It's like, I mean, you're ever like, I mean, you're in seats, even if it is full. You're not like... You're not sitting on

someone else's lap. It's just a floor with just Anthony's face on it. I like the idea that the opposite of that is best day to sit on the MCG and watch a movie on my iPad the day after Grand Final Day.

Any day that there's no games. No one there. Yeah, I want to try a movie on my iPad the day after Grand Maldon yeah any day that there's no games yeah yeah I want to I want to try I want to try post Ramadan McDonald's

yeah no it's great like and that's the thing the only thing I miss because I don't fast or anything like that but the only thing I miss

is the Ramadan feast is like you know when you break the fast because it's fucking it's great food it's a huge spread and generally

are you doing a pre fasting just get get ready yeah yourself well i mean so like you do a thing in the morning which is like like four you know at 4 30 in the morning or something but you obviously don't want to overeat then because then you're fucked for the whole day like it messes up your system there's a reason why he's explaining this to the other two of us You have your culture we have it Yeah That's

differences that make us similar Yeah But basically people use Ramadan as a time to like lose weight and shit a lot Oh they do They do do that

Like when you get the flu Yeah Yeah I'm glad Well that's all Yeah A lot of people do it that way They treat it that way

they have a very light thing in the morning and then they're starving all day and then in the evening they'll eat a little bit and then that's you know

so it's just one really one meal a day right okay that's good so there is a you know there's a thing coming up where people are like

oh it's two things at once yeah yeah definitely definitely it's always been there for sure okay great it is great like it's people like mock you because it is such a basic thing to do to go to another country and just immediately go into maccas but yeah it is interesting saying for such a big franchise where it's like so regulated and like you can get a big mac in the

other country and it's the same but then every country it's like there's a little gap of the menu where they're like but feel free to wild out And do your own Thailand's got some Great shit the Maccas there Yeah I love their Maccas I do find it funny Because it's like They do have like

Curries and stuff In Thailand and wherever Where it's like You can get this In literally every other I know Your point of difference Could be the one place

That doesn't have curries No no no No this is how you can tell You're in a Thailand curry KFC in Scotland Had pizzas What? at the kfc little little mini pizzas that fucking freaked me out yeah that's not even chicken pizzas pepperoni that's really weird yeah i hate that but they must be pissed because like everyone else does fried chicken like you know maccas does nuggets and every place else has like chicken on their menu as well also, is the thing that when people come to Australia,

is the thing with us that sometimes we have something with beetroot in it? Is that the thing for us? Is that what we have? We chuck egg on stuff. Oh, we love eggs over here. Oh, mate, come over here and sold our chickens. That's the Australian animal, the chicken. I fucking love an egg.

Everywhere else, people just see something coming out of a chicken's ass and go, fucking step on that. What the fuck's that? No way I'm eating it over here. We think a little bit differently. Over there they say, what came first, the chicken or the whatever the fuck that thing was? I'm half Aussie and half Aussie. I wake up in the morning, I don't know whether to have a fucking egg or a beetroot.

Yeah, that's us. That's our fucking Aussie idea. Yeah, put pineapple on it, cunt. So we're in Melbourne. We're out of lockdown, all that sort of stuff.

We're doing our first live show for ages. And we've got that coming up in two weeks time. And we have, you guys might not know this, we, I think our initial

plan was everything's opened up a lot quicker than what we thought maybe it would. Yeah. So ages ago we were know this, we, I think our initial plan was everything's opened up a lot quicker than what we thought maybe it would. Yeah. So ages ago, we were like, maybe we wouldn't be able

to do a big live show in Melbourne. Why don't we go out into the country? Also, you know, on top of that, we get to just get out

of Melbourne. We've been stuck inside our house, inside Melbourne for fucking ages. So we sort of did this, this thing that mutated this idea of like,

oh, maybe we find a, don't say mutated. Okay. It'll stop it from happening. We'll find it like a shitty country town, a shitty pub, and we'll you know, instead of finding the best place, we'll

find something shitty that's more aligned to our brand. Also, they'll be desperate for us to, you know, bring a bunch of people, you know, we'll bring our hordes of fucking drinking idiots up, and it'll be good. It'll be good for everyone. Win-win-win. We get to look at something different.

Some tiny little country pub gets 100 people drinking the place dry. This will be great. So we narrowed it down. We picked this place called Heathcote Union Hotel. I fell in love with how shit the hotel looked on Google Maps. It looks fucking insane. It looks like it should be condemned. Cool. So we picked that.

We've then, I then had to sort of deal with the owners and they're all a bit like uh what is this idea what is a podcast yeah yeah of course yeah and then i believe the podcast listeners come in and i don't know whether he's gone yeah these guys want to come up because you've got a shit pub and they've gone what yeah podcast can we listen to that on the tvs that are playing the dish lickers? Yeah, yeah. Is that on Sky? Yeah. So anyway, so we're a couple of weeks from that. I've now – and on top of that, we've organised –

so as part of it, there's a bus going. I feel like I'm Ringo Starr stuck in a meet and greet. Oh, yeah, yeah. Hang on. Tommy and I are slowly moving away. and green oh yeah hang on Tommy and I are slowly moving away sorry sorry Noxie I'll talk about

the menu at the pub please genuinely it wouldn't shock me if that dad was like yeah go and this town called Heathcote it would have been that

it's a shit pub there but it's lovely but it's here it takes this long getting the car service before we leave so we've got a bus going so it's lovely but it's here it takes this long getting the car service before we leave so we've got a bus

a bus yeah so it's like people could buy a ticket on the bus and we come up and Milan our friend Milan is going to be the Milan

party bus not the driver no let's be very clear we have sold out very quickly everything sold out immediately but he's absolutely not the driver

I don't think we made that clear enough earlier a lot of people did think that that was the plan yeah no not the driver i don't think we made that clear enough earlier a lot of people did think that that was the plan yeah yeah no not the not the driver great uh we we we uh so that's awful that's going up uh everyone else is making their own way up there i've been dealing with uh lately with apparently there's like multiple owners of this pub which i'm sort of like i think i thought this would be a fucking like a one-person affair up there someone inherited it it's like passed down Through the family

Okay So I'm dealing with So multiple family members Have this pub now Or just like Some other investors So this is what I believe it is Okay

So I think it's I've been talking to two sides of it So I'm talking to someone Who's like There's the city slicker owners Right Okay Who I'm talking to

And then there's the Salt of the earth Who run the D&D And stuff Yeah So then I'm dealing with The city slickers the Salt of the earth Who run the D&D And stuff Yeah So then I'm dealing with The city slickers And when you say city slickers

You mean like Literally like They're from Melbourne And they're like Wouldn't it be good To invest in a bar Out in the country And I believe

Whiptown is going to be The next kind town Yeah My vet's on Heathcote So I'm talking to them And going Okay so We're going to come up

And we're going to do this And they're like Okay alright Well do you have to do that. And they're like, okay, all right. Well, do you have to do that? Well, hang on, hang on. What do you mean? I'm bringing up all these people. And they're like, oh, okay, all right.

And so I'm saying, this is how many people are coming up. And look, our guys are very big drinkers. And I'm kind of thinking, I'm thinking I'm fucking Santa Claus. He's bringing up all these people. And then this is going to be great for your pub. And you're going to sell all your drinks out and it's going to be the fucking biggest day you've ever had in this pub

and these guys are like yeah could you be out of here by 5 o'clock or something and I'm like what the fuck are you talking about if you were having a wedding with the same thing where it's like I'll bring 100 people and we're going to have a reception at your pub then they would love it

and I doubt they'd kick a wedding out by 5 p.m. Yes. So what is it that has made you different? Yeah, well, I'm dealing with them going, so what do you mean? They're like, oh, we've got locals that come in and, you know, we don't want to interrupt them. I'm like, well, I reckon they could be interrupted if you've got a hundred people fucking drinking your place dry.

And they're like, yeah, but, you know, Gary down the road will want to come in and get his parma. And it's like, what? Yeah, but this is like you're interfering with life yeah basically one weekend doesn't matter how much

you're making on that one night if it then means the regulars go well this the night we couldn't get a how fickle are the regulars arty party yeah

small towns though if you stop drinking a top pub you're gonna drink a bottom pub for the rest of your life. Like you just one day you miss out. One day, that's all it takes.

It's a fickle fucking group. But then you put on a show at Bottom Pub. That's what you've got to do is promise to put on a show at the other one on a different night so they come back. So this is what I said. I said I got to a point where I'm sort of like I sarcastically sort of go, okay, well, you know what? I could always take

this hundred thirsty people party and just fucking take them down the road at 5.30 if you like. Sarcasm's always good to employ in a business negotiation. But then she's like,

oh yeah, cool, great, perfect. That works out great for everyone. Yeah, perfect, yeah. Because I think what you don't realise when you love wheeling out the thing

of like, we're going to bring in all these people and they're going to drink the place dry. I think for most don't realise, you love wheeling out the thing of like, we're going to bring in all these people and they're going to drink the place dry. I think for most venues there's a point where it's like, this many people coming and drinking and this much that we're serving, that's great. But then once you go above that, you're having to bring more staff in.

There's more outlay, there's more hassle. So there's kind of like a golden limit to where it's like, this is a blessing to golden limit to where it's like this is a blessing to where it crosses over into like this is actually more of a headache for us every day

we are selling a lot of beer we're gonna have to get fucking 20 people working behind the bar on a Saturday small business owner Tommy Daslow I defer to your judgement

they put 5 beers on ice every day at 5pm and that's all they're ready for and now you're fucking well that's why I'm giving them the heads up so then I'm like and then I'm like

okay so I'll just go on a pub crawl of this town and they're like yeah cool alright if you can shuffle off and do that

that'd be fucking great because there's like three pubs in this town of 3,000 people and I'm like alright well I guess

I'll fucking do it anyway yesterday I get the call so that's the City Slickers yesterday I get the call from we've said this

on the show before but the classic the proper this guy on the phone sounds like he's gonna fucking beat me up through the phone. He's got the proper gravel voice. His name's Terry.

Okay. Absolutely perfect. So then he rings me up to go, look, mate, I just want to touch base about this thing you guys are coming up for. Do the voice. Or I might terror you. Yeah.

Yeah. Or is that your culture? That was the least intimidating sound I've ever heard. That was great The boss baby called you I'll do my other voice So, Teddy here Jesus Christ

That's the only Anyway You're gonna call tomorrow Being like You know what? The pup loves you again It's gotta be that for an hour though Yeah

So it's like speed If you drop below that impersonation You're out So then Terry rings me So just to touch base with what's going on and i'm like oh yeah well you know we've got to be out by 5 36 o'clock or whatever and he's like what what like oh you know the the the the other owners are like you got to be out by and they're all or the guys from the city i'm like yeah whoever you're my yeah and they're kicking you out at six o'clock i'm like yeah well that's what they're kicking you out at 6 o'clock I'm like yeah that's what they said no you guys you guys will be

sticking around all night we've got a pub we want to have 100 people drinking in the pub I'm like oh man there is I think Dum Dum's

going to rip this pub apart that makes sense because like the city people were lying to you and afraid of you that's what city fucking people do fuck I hate city people

not all of the earth like true people like country not real people like the man who wants to beat me up when I'm talking real people like

who don't have neighbours that makes you real it's gonna be great when it's like you've promised this like big bonanza of like

we are gonna fucking drink so much but then it's out of the city that like everyone's everyone's driven it's like

oh just a coke for me, thanks. Terry just roped them off. You promised me we'd sell $80,000 worth of beer in one night. And also, there's a bus going up, which people will be drinking on the bus for two and a half hours. Right, right. People get up, walk out into the Union Hotel and just spuel over the floor.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you guys can just clean this up. 80 sprites, please. Sorry, the sound's a little tinny. How much are we getting for free? Are we getting a rider? Yeah. So then we're dealing with that.

Then on top of that, the bus is all sorted out. But then I sort of, it's been really difficult to deal with the people that run the bus because there's been a lot of, I rented the bus, but I got quotes for different days and different sizes of bus and we've been going back and forth, back and forth. And they keep getting everything wrong

when they come back and forth. I get a quote for something and it comes back. So you're looking for a small bus on Tuesday, right? No, big bus Saturday. Is it seriously like that? It's like that. It's like that. It's like that. So then it will come.

That's sick. I can't wait for a medium-sized bus to show up at your house. On a Friday. On a Friday. That is not an exaggeration. This is what's happening. I keep getting the wrong thing. I go, all right, bus this size, this date, and they come back.

No worries. In two weeks' time after that, a much smaller bus. I'm like, no, no, no, not that. Not that. What I said. They go, okay. And they go back and they give back, and no worries, in two weeks time after that, a much smaller bus. I'm like, no, no, no, not that, not that, what I said. They go, okay, and they go back, and they give me the wrong bus again,

and I'm like, I keep going back, and I'm like, man, this is what it is. Get Terry to call them, basically. Get Terry to call them. Yes, yeah. I can't wait to be driven to Heathcote by a guy just in a cardboard box

strapped around him with a box painted on the side. Man, I got it all sorted, and went back and forth so many times, and then I just paid for it all, and I went, hang on, is this much cheaper than what the original quote was? And they go, yeah, yeah, yeah. We've done you a good deal.

I'm like, great. And so then I paid for it. And then two weeks later, I'm like, I don't know why. I'll just check this. It's like absolutely the wrong bus. It's like I paid for the absolute wrong bus. Fuck. We're in a 10-seater at the moment.

And I'm like, well, that's too small. That's a car. That's a car That's a car I can get 10 in my Kia Sport I just We've done you a great deal We made the bus smaller And took some money

It's way less money for you It's much cheaper If we give you something You don't want We're giving you the wrong thing For the price that it is It's a great deal You can't fight

About a bargain like that That's the classic Bus rental thing Trying to pull the old Small bus Big bus routine on you Is that a classic thing? classic thing i think what they do with car rentals oh right where they'll try and do like uh oh yeah you want a five seat and know what and they'll give you a two door instead of the four right you get there and they're like you don't really need

a boot oh well this is all we actually have is this weird honda and then yeah okay yeah so this is so anyway that happens and i've lost complete confidence in the whole fucking deal right i'm like what the fuck and so then i go to bed and then've lost complete confidence in the whole fucking deal. And I'm like, what the fuck? And so then I go to bed, and then I honestly wake up in the middle of the night and have a panic attack and go, hang on. What the fuck is going on with this whole bus deal? Because the last email I got the night before was like, oh, yeah, no worries. It's actually cheaper again than what you thought. Because I'm like, hang on a minute.

The original cut was like $500. Now, then it went down to $360 or something. And I'm like, that's actually cheaper again than what you thought. Because I'm like, hang on a minute. The original cut was like $500. Now, then it went down to $360 or something. And I'm like, that's way cheaper. Why did that happen? And then they go, P.S., no, it's actually $220. I'm like, what is happening here? And they go, anyway, all you need to do is supply your bank details, and we'll give you back that money.

If you can just send me all your personal details. Oh, shit. What? And I'm thinking, when and so like and I'm thinking when I'm conscious I'm thinking oh yeah fair enough and then as soon as

I go to sleep I go what the fuck is going on here I'm gonna get fucking absolutely wrong here yeah they're just taking the money

and they're gonna disappear or something yeah so then I have two hours where I can't go to sleep I'm just like what the fuck I get up

I start like looking up reviews of this bus company and like the only reviews are yeah they ripped us off and I'm like fuck okay and did these not come up when you found the bus company and like the only reviews are yeah they ripped us off and I'm like fuck

okay and did these not come up when you found the bus company in the first place no I was looking for reviews I was looking for the one place I could find

in Melbourne that would let us have a bus that didn't force a driver upon us okay right I like how this trip will basically be in 10 years time a documentary

covering the loss of life devastation to the town just horror visited upon a small community at this point it being a trip would be a bonus because at this point

I'm foreseeing turning up to a bus rental station and people going what bus this one it's called a bike that's what you pay for

and I was saying to all our listeners here's the bus and it's just the V line pulling up you know it's the same thing it's seats it's moving what's the difference start drinking shut up and I was saying to the bus and it's just the V line pulling up yes you know it's the same thing it's seats

it's moving what's the difference stop drinking shut up yeah and I say to the bus driver forget don't tell them it's 8 bucks worth

we charge them 80 bucks alright and do you mind if we bring 17 slabs on this yeah yeah yeah okay so you look up the reviews

do you have like samples of like what sort of people are just saying they ripped us off there's like 3 reviews in the entire thing

which makes me also go well this isn't like a long they wrote those yeah well if they did and even they would not get ripped off

yeah fuck this I hate my life that's how incompetent they are they can't get any of the buses right all the reviews right yeah so now I'm like

fuck so yeah look thank you to everyone hold faith the emails All the buses, right? All the reviews, right? Yeah. So now I'm like, fuck. So, yeah, look. Jesus Christ, everyone. Hold faith. The emails, I had a conversation with someone in a call centre, in a very busy call centre the other day. Yeah.

I'm sure we will get there. Remember when the biggest concern about this was people thinking they'd die on the bus because Milan was driving it? Oh, those were the good old days, weren't they? that's an upgrade right now we had a bus exactly you can't crash when you're walking yes yes yeah no but that scam they tried putting on you they give us the money now the 250 or whatever right i almost just happened to me as well um and i'll i'll make a quick version of the story so that i don't ringingo Starr you guys. But basically, I like buy and sell watches, right? Like it's like a thing.

It's like a hobby I have. I saw you selling a watch on Facebook the other day. And I knew you'd been on Phone Hacks recently and I assumed that was a phone hack. No, but that's like a real one. I was like, oh, this is a cool two grand for this watch. I was like, that's pretty funny. No, no, no. I'm wearing it right now.

That's the one. That's a nice looking watch. Yeah, thanks. What I do is I go on like estate websites where people are having auctions or like rich people

are selling off all their shit because they've died dead watches and yeah and you buy these like crazy if you know what to look out for you

can get like a really crazy luxury watch for damn cheap and then you just sell it because someone died wearing it yeah

I'd be sick if what this actually was was you turning up to funerals and just like wrestling it off the corpse. It's an auction. Let me look at the time of death. I'm a doctor. Hey, it's the old saying,

it's cheaper if it's attached. So anyway. This could be watch poisoning. I need to take this in for testing. That's a thing. It happens. Watch poisoning? Vintage watches from like the 50s

and 60s have radium lining for the you know like watches glow in the dark the luminescence that's radiation

and the old ones the radiation leaks and sometimes you can get like cancer oh no my wrist yeah basically wow it's time for cancer

yeah I've got a I've got bitten by a radioactive watch yeah that's right now I can tell the time and fight

and fight Batman one of my arms is a bit longer but I went so I was selling this one that I got on Facebook and a guy contacted me

went through all the details everything like that and I'm like cool I went to the post office I had the thing and I was like just transfer the money send me the receipt

that you paid made the payment to my PayPal I'll put the box in I had the thing and I was like just transfer the money send me the receipt that you made the payment to my PayPal I'll put the box in the mailbox and he sends me the thing and it's like hey I have put the money

in your PayPal but it'll only be released by PayPal once you put in the tracking number here we fucking go and I was like that's a new feature

I never heard of that happening and it just so happened that I happened to Google that where I was like oh like I'm in line at the fucking post office and I'm like that's a new feature. I never heard of that happening. And it just so happened that I happened to Google that. Where I was like, oh, like, I'm in line at the fucking post office and I'm like,

that's a weird thing. Let me Google this new feature that PayPal's got. And it turns out he'd set up a fake website using a service that a lot of people, scam artists do.

And they set up these things where it looks like you've got a submission page, you put your tracking info in, you get a notification saying the money's been released to your PayPal and there's no money.

And you're like wow I nearly got ripped off I was trying to genuinely just buy a dead person's watch and rip it off their wrist. They nearly did a bad thing to me. Anyway so I'm back to grave robbing again.

Yeah exactly. Yeah that's it. Because you have to sell it that way because you can't meet up with these people in real life because you say to them well meet me to buy the watch at 2pm.

And then they're late. They don't have one. They've got to buy it. Yeah, exactly. Was the buyer of this watch on eBay, was it like, you know, at Footscray Bus Rental? Steer clear of them, folks.

If you see that name pop up on any service, they're no good. Yeah, was it a 12-seater or a 24-seater watch? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, basically. I just sold something on eBay. I've got to go post it today. I feel like eBay's gone to the dogs.

I feel like the last bunch of times I've sold things, it's like it's turned up. I've posted it. It's turned up at the person's house, and then they've gone. It never showed up. Oh, really? They investigate, and I'm like, yeah, I've posted, but then it's like you can't ever prove that it's showed up they've like watched it completely with eBay where they're like they investigate and I'm like

yeah I've posted but then it's like you can't even prove that it's like turned up somewhere you can show the receipt from the post office so I'm just like

I'm hanging out for that to fucking happen to me but what does it what does it mean then like what happens then they get a refund I feel like there was

a thing where it was like yeah they got their money back and I couldn't get the money you never got the money you just lost I think so you just lost

I think it was a small enough thing that I was like i don't even fucking know how to fight because unless you're doing like private tracking and postal insurance yeah that sort of shit which makes it not even worth selling most stuff you're gonna sell yeah and because then they deleted their account that's why you do it you do it on facebook marketplace yes look them in the whites of their eyes not in the pupils You deal with some real psychopaths when it's Facebook marketplace. But like, yeah, there was a woman,

she tried buying a cupboard for me about two years ago. A cupboard? Yeah, like I had a cupboard. I was selling it because I was moving house. Didn't need it for the new place. What time was it on the cupboard? A Casio cupboard.

My grandma died in here. You're going to have to get her out of it. I've got to get rid of this It's too heavy on my wrist Some people call it a coffin I call it a cupboard And so And this woman contacted me

She said my son would love this And I'm like great Like Just give me the money I don't care And then the son contacts me He's like my mom Keeps buying shit for me

I don't fucking need it Just keep it So I'm like dude Alright so I called out his mom I'm like hey your son Just go and tell her She said he doesn't want it so i'll just send you the money back she's like no you've been lovely you keep the money i just want someone to help my son now the son starts calling me and saying son you're 18 you need a cup so the son is going help my son he's walking around he's got cups all over the floor I need someone

to help him carrying hangers everywhere and so now he's telling me how sick he is of her interfering in his life

with cupboards yeah she's telling me that please keep the money you're a I wish I had a son like you I'm like what the fuck

is going on I've been blocked both of them and I get to send the money back that's good yeah Facebook marketplace my understanding of it is whatever you're selling you're blocked both of them and I get to set the money back. That's good. Yeah, Facebook Marketplace,

my understanding of it is whatever you're selling, you're going to end up having to actually get rid of it for half. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because people get on there and take the piss. It's like this computer monitor,

it's 400 bucks and people go, what about 80? Yeah, yeah. People know that it's just like your inbox is just flooded and then, yeah, you've got that,

there is like that step of personal contact where they've then got you on Messenger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At least it's like you can walk away from it. You can close the website and then you're like, you can't be,

you can't be touched when they're popping up in your little messenger inbox, having to leave them on red. They're like, Oh, there's a fucking issue with the thing. Yeah. Always. Yeah.

Not for me. We went and picked up a chest of drawers for my girlfriend the other day. And it was like this New Zealand couple, and the guy was helping me lift it out. It was a big, heavy cupboard, and I'm a big, strong man. I don't need to eat breakfast to get muscles like this. And, like, their friend showed up halfway through, and we're like, oh, hello.

Which, normal so far. Yeah, human interaction. One of them had a baby that he put down in the way of the chest of drawers while we were walking. Like a baby in one of them little, what's a baby carrier called? Hamper. I guess so. Like a modern hamper.

A baby hamper. A woman. A woman. A woman. Yeah. And he wouldn't pick it up and we had to walk around this baby and it was the scariest fucking thing I nearly killed a baby with a chest of drawers

With a chest of drawers Yeah Fuck yeah Scary Got an update from Dad Oh yes Okay so I said I'm currently doing a podcast Where we're talking about the Beatles

Which is why I want more details About what you talked to Ringo about That's not what you said you'd say Yeah It was funnier what you said before You should have said that Yeah You just cheered up your dad.

He's trying on a bit of comedy here. Please appreciate this happened nearly 60 years ago. You can make up something as long as I can. Hang on. So he didn't meet the Beatles last year? You can make up something as long as I can okay it. I suppose you can say that I was forming a band called Two Left Feet. Oh, God.

He gave me very good advice. Basically, it's a mad idea. And I go, ha, ha, ha. But seriously, did you actually remember anything real? Truth is stranger than fiction, Mr. Allsop. You see, dodging this answer. You're not going to write something better

than the fact you met the fucking Beatles. Right, right. No, not really, but I will dig into the archives of my brain. What? He was just trying to remember the time. Who forgets the details of that? He met the four most famous people in maybe history.

And what part of that cannot happen while he's writing that message? Right. He's like, I'll send this off and then later on I'll sit down and really go into my mind. It's like, you know what? If you need to delete the two years that I was in hospital with cancer out of your brain to make room for Ringo and the fellas to come to the front, I'm okay with that. Get rid of the fucking monkey house. Get rid of anything. Get rid of the fucking monkey house.

Get rid of anything. Get rid of your wedding. Yes. But also, by the way, it might be he's met so many famous people that you don't know about. That's very true. It's just one of those little ones that he doesn't care because he hasn't told you shit. I sucked off the Pope the year after that. He's the one who put Nelson Mandela in jail. God, yeah, what a life to just decide like,

no, I'm pushing that out of the way. I mean, look, I tried to get it out of my head. I mean, it sat with me for like 15 years. I was that pissed off. I travelled to New York. I shot one of them and then I beat the hell out of someone else. But apart from that, I can't remember. You don't walk away from my story.

But he's given me licence to just make something up about him and Ringo. Put that out on the public record. I think we already did, didn't we? Yeah, we fucked Ringo. Yeah, okay. You're Ringo's kid. So that's been co-signed. He said he's got to sign off on it, so I'll ask him.

Are you okay? Give us the real deal or the story is that you've signed off on that you fucked Ringo. Well, okay. Are you okay with me saying that Ringo is my real father? Yeah. I don't know how the timeline of that really works but I would prefer

I can't believe I'm saying this but I would prefer the real story than confirmation that your mum fucked Ringo. Usually I would gobble saying this, but I prefer the real story than confirmation that you're motherfucked, Ringo. Usually I would gobble that story up, but I would quite like the real deal. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck.

Yeah. Fucking infuriating. Yeah. That's really annoying. Because I've heard stories about his fucking mannequins in the garage and shit. Yeah. And the fact that that's come up before. Oh, yeah.

I'd shag Ringo. But not this. Yeah. Him riding a porno. Yes. Yeah. shit yeah yeah like the fact that that's come up before oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah why wasn't ringo should have been in a porno yeah you should write him into yeah one of his saucy pornos my dad's point i did not know this yeah yeah i thought you were just ripping off the premise of the other podcast no no i think dad was doing that before they did oh technically he's innovative because there's no actual sex in his pornos. Oh, okay, cool. I don't think there's even any handholding. Like Mills and Boone style?

Not even that saucy. Porno is a fucking strong word. Pardon? Has he sold them ever? No. Yeah, what was the story? They've been performed live on stage at our live shows and infuriated hundreds of people.

Yeah, they go for way too long. They're very boring. You don't even see it go in. Yeah. Fucking pretty bad. There's a bit of sex, like, often, like, right in the last sentence and it's just really glazed over. But it's a lot of just, like, him...

Not that sort of glazed over. Him talking about his interests. So it's, like, a lot of details about the design of the house that they're fucking in. Yeah, basically. All right, cool. Long descriptions of old cars that drive up to the... No one's even they're fucking in. Yeah, basically. All right, cool. Long descriptions of old cars that drive up to the...

No one's even been sucked off in the monkey house before. I feel like that's an oversight. No. You should have wedged that in there. That's when he dies. That's I carry on his legacy and I set it in the monkey house

that you're bridging him. What, that new Ghostbusters film? Right. I've been running away from it my whole life. You know what? I've got to accept that I'm part of a rich legacy.

This new porno's all women. Not for me. Hang on, this drummer's a woman? Ringoette? All right, well, yeah, I'm waiting to get comfortable. Let's do one more thing. We can do one more little nuggy. One more little thing while we're waiting for...

Please, fucking... The Ringo story to be a disappointment. Give us something. Fuck, I can't believe this. Usually anticipation makes the payoff harder, but I feel like at this point anything would be a payoff for us. I want to know anything Ringo said. I want to be able to do the voice.

Oh, Mr. Olsop, you're standing too close to me. And now do Ringo. So you're saying that you don't eat breakfast. Wow. That's far out, man. Well done.

Oh, Pizza Hut in Pakistan. They've got Pizza Hut over there, do they? I suppose that makes sense, but I've never really thought about it. But yeah, they would eat pizza. Everyone likes pizza. We're all human beings, you know. That's what I believe.

Me, Richard Starkey. That's my real name, you know. That's classic Ringo going around calling himself by his real name all the time. All right, Sammy, let's pull the let's pull the the valve you come from Perth yes you did start

a comedy in Perth well I started in Pakistan oh did you yeah so I used to be like the only like English stand-up

comedian in the country oh really and yeah I did it over there for like 5-6 years and then you become the only English speaking comedian in Perth

in Perth as well yeah that's right exactly yeah I didn't have to change the material nothing what are you saying I don't fucking get this

stand up pretty new in Pakistan when you were doing it there is do you ever do a corporate at Pizza Hut for Ramadan I've done corporates

at Nando's and that was a great one in Nando's yeah in Nando's you are now the second comedian we've had on the show this year that has done a comedy gig in Nando's and that was a great one in Nando's yeah in Nando's you are now the second comedian we've had on the show this year

that has done a comedy gig in Nando's yeah and I mean I think this is very impressive but the other person

was Kyle Legacy so I don't want to take this away from you there's a huge overlap in our material so I can see I can see why that would happen

yeah we're both known for our grilled chicken bit also both come from places that don't originally speak English yeah basically very true English is his third language yeah no yeah for a grilled chicken bit. Also, both come from places that don't originally speak English. Yeah, basically. Very true. English is his third language.

No, yeah, it is like over there and then basically in Pakistan there's like a lot of sketch comedy and there's like stand-up but like the

borscht belt kind of style. Right. Oh, the Pakistan cat skills. Yes, exactly. The Lahore cat skills. Literally cat kill. Cat kills. Cat kills, yeah. So we literally cat kill. Right. Cat kills. Cat kills, yeah.

So you found that intimidating and you wanted to go to somewhere where stand-up is even less advanced. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. And not even like country WA, like just straight in Perth. Yeah, yeah, just the city.

By the way, guys, Tick is still on sale for March for our podcast next year. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and so I ended up like moving to WA and that's where I just continued doing it there

but like the first time I was ever in a comedy room like ever doing comedy in a comedy club was in Perth and that was like you know oh so you only did comedy

in because in Pakistan there's no comedy clubs if you're the only comedian yeah so it was like you used to be you've got to build a club

around you they don't get Mr. Allsop to come over and just build a hut around you exactly comedy hut no so like you used to be You've got to build a club around you They don't get Mr. Allstop To come over And just build a hut around you Exactly Comedy hut No so like You used to book an auditorium

And you just sell tickets To the thing Like a theatre event Right And do an hour Like my first show was an hour And just did that shit Oh right

So like doing like Seven minutes Your first gig was an hour Yeah Hell yeah I spent six months Writing it Yeah

I spent six months Writing it Yeah I spent six months Writing it at home Just practicing in front of the mirror And then fucking like a psychopath And then just went and did it And it worked So doing comedy in Pakistan Back then is like

Being a YouTuber now Yeah exactly Come out of nowhere Do an hour No dignity Yeah So how many people In the auditorium

250 Your first gig was doing An hour in front of 250 Yeah yeah I basically I vomited just before I got on stage And then I was people in the auditorium uh 250 your first gig was doing an hour in front of two yeah yeah i basically i vomited just before i got on stage and then i was and that's the thing where like now i have to remind myself but like i'll be doing something and i'm like fuck i gotta try these seven minutes i'm really nervous what the fuck am i talking about like 20 years ago i was doing this on stage like like a whole hour but anyway yeah what was your opener oh dude okay so it's a really bad you said he spewed

yeah you gotta get him get him up the top yeah yeah hi I'm Sammy Shah welcome to Jackass I was very big on yeah yeah

body comedy you know like that was my thing then just a shopping trolley into a wall it was a big thing awesome no I actually remember

the fucking opening bit too it's really bad there's a thing in Pakistan that makes sense it was your opening yeah yeah get him I'm doing it this year at Macca No, I actually remember the fucking opening bit too. It's really bad. There's a thing in Pakistan. It makes sense. It was your opening. Yeah. Yeah, get him.

I'm doing it this year. I did a, there was a thing in Pakistan at the time called, instead of saying, let's get together, like, you know, friends go over to someone's house for drinks, you say GT. It became the new thing. GT. Let's go to a GT and get together. Yeah. And so my whole

joke obviously was you know oh we're abbreviating everything now and gt and next and when you meet someone you'll be like hhyd hey how you doing ffty fine thanks yourself until it gets so bad that we'll just end up grunting like cavemen so you see a girl in a bar you walk up to her and you're like yeah like that and that was it that was the big people what are they doing fucking destroyed oh my god they didn't know because they're like we don't know what the fuck is happening yes he did a call back or something they're like fuck he's yeah they were still rolling from the vomit

yeah yeah exactly the energy was there but they responded to the rhythm of the fact that like this is a joke so

I mean to be fair that's the response that like internationals get when they come out here to the show yeah yeah you love abbreviating things in this country

oh we do yes you're always fucking doing it DFRS dab fucked ringo star yeah so that's

uh yeah the g yeah so that was it angela angela came to australia that's that's that's a that's a proper joke yeah it was

like the first joke most people tell it's not a joke and then there's like a whole hour after that yeah i was gonna say tell us what you

were wheeling out at 40 yeah what was it you weren't looking forward to yeah yeah okay let me guess That was not a joke. And then there's like a whole hour after that. Yeah, I was going to say, now tell us what you were wheeling out at 3.40. What was it that you weren't looking forward to? Okay, let me guess. You close the show. You do the grunt thing. Yeah.

Is that it? No, no, no. Just for a while or whatever. You're looking to bomb it back up. Yeah, yeah. Actually, no. What I did was I then talked about how I'm not going to give the audience a punchline

because we don't do that anymore. I'm changing comedy. Anymore? Yeah anymore yeah yeah you're changing comedy are you first pulling out the stool to have a spew on let's get real yeah speak some truth to power does anyone else want to throw up or anything i remember back then it was all about like i wanted to do like a clean set like my first my first like two three years was all like Jerry Seinfeld style, observational, no swear words.

You know, someone's like, oh, you don't swear. Be like, yeah, because curses are a shortcut to the punchline. And I'd like to say that.

What's the deal with kebabs? Yeah. What's the deal with terrorists? Like, yeah. So that was the whole thing. I've been fasting. You've been fasting.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. You don't need any food. Feels kind of slow to me. Not so much fast. Ramadan? Who's Dan? Why the Ramadan?

What is he? Ring a star? Jerry Seinfeld would be funnier if he swore as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's with these fucking airplanes? What's the deal with pussy yeah that's why men hunt and women fucking nest yeah all of it yeah yeah we cut the entirety yeah yeah swearing's funny dropping some f's and c's yeah graham you can't yeah exactly it's been

holding back uh well no confirmation from dad but you know i'm calling it I'm signing off I'm the son of Ringo Starr You know all what's happened All what's happened Is he just lied to Just fill the silence And now He's like fuck This has turned into a thing

Like it's a commitment now I need to go back I need to go to like the Where can you look that up Like the old archives Of like news footage From back in the day Oh yeah

My dad's in the background. The CCTV of the Melbourne Town Hall had gone in 65. But there might have been... I'm going to just Google it real quick. Harold's son of the age archives. Beatles Melbourne Town Hall. This is not going to be helpful. Morning lunch or morning tea.

Morning tea. Oh, there's a video of it. Okay. The Beatles at Melbourne. It's 30 seconds long. All right. Fuck, this is exciting. This is fucking journalism right here.

The Beatles- Oh, and some of it is just text intro. Okay, the 16th of the 6th, 1964. Yeah, which is your birthday. Yeah. There they are. There we go. They're holding a boomerang.

Okay. Yeah. All right. Jesus, why are we hearing that? There's your dad. That bullfuck with the glasses, that's your dad, surely. There's a man holding up a monkey that doesn't have a house yet. Okay, that could be him.

For people at home, the footage was them out the front of the Melbourne Town Hall flyering for their show Best of British. Ah, it's the Beatles. Aaron Aardvark presents the Beatles. Aaron Ardbaugh presents the Beatles. You're right, everybody. They're abbreviating everything these days, aren't they? Alan Anderson's bringing them on. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's good to be here. We've just left our kids in the car up the front. It's good to be anywhere. All right, we'd better wrap it up for another week on the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Sammy Shah Shah Adam Knox Thank you very much For joining us Thanks you

Sammy What have you got to plug I got a Patreon Which is patreon.com Slash Sammy Shah S-A-M-M-I-S-H-A-H Because I'm doing a podcast Called News Weekly

Which is a weekly News satire podcast And so the Patreon Pays for that And I put recipes And shit on there as well You can make the name More clear about

What the content is Oh yeah W-E-A-K-L-Y Is the big pun there Oh is it really Yeah so yeah It is Like the Beatles

Yeah yeah So News Weekly is the pun And basically It's every week We do I do the roundup Of the headlines of the week

But like You know A satirical version of that Okay So yeah But can you only get that On Patreon or is that No it's free.

You can listen to the podcast anywhere and the Patreon has extra bonus stuff, bonus content. I've never heard a podcast plugged by plugging the Patreon. It's smart, though. And then, P.S.,

there's also a podcast attached. No, you know what? I'm like, this makes so much sense. Open with the paywall. Hey, you can buy our album or it's on the range. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That makes sense. Oh, yeah, I also have an album out. Yeah, that's right. Oh, you do too? Yeah, yeah, yeah. also have an album out yeah that's right yeah cause my comedy album from this year comedy festival show Cock

is now available as an album on iTunes Apple Music Spotify everywhere else yeah so that's good

I saw you do yeah I didn't see that show but I saw you do a bunch of material from it yeah one of the best interactions

was when we were at Cooper's Comedy oh yeah okay let's tell this very quickly cause you were there and Knox you were also on this was one of the best interactions was when we were at Cooper's Comedy. Oh, yeah. Okay, let's tell this very quickly. You were there and, Knox, you were also on. This was one of the first gigs back out of lockdown last year. One of the first times I've just gotten on stage and talked about the fact that my wife had had an affair and my marriage is over. Right.

So you open with that and you go, yeah, I got cheated on during the lockdown. And then you go back and you go to the start of the story. And there were these old boys in the audience who are kind of just chatting amongst themselves for the entire gig so you've set up the story by like oh i got cheated on in lockdown and then you know you do a bit of stuff about that but then you go right back to the beginning and you're like so i got married in july of last year and one of the old boys just logs on and catches that and goes oh congratulations so it's hard to tell if it's like he's either, if he said that deliberately,

the delivery of it was just perfect. I think the truth was he just had zoned out for four minutes, lingo style, and then just like logged on at a key piece of information. But it was polite enough. The masculine urge to congratulate someone on being married, no matter the context. That was what was weird about it is it was so sincere. It was such a lovely... Sacred institution.

I probably thought about that like congratulations every day for like six months. Oh man, I feel so lucky to have witnessed it. So yeah, that's on the album. You recorded that and spliced that into that bit

of course people can listen to it and they can just recreate that moment in their heads all the time heckle your own album yeah

Noxy you've got the Filthy Casuals podcast yep patreon.com slash filthycasualspod and also patreon.com slash ooospooky

oh congratulations I do thank you what's that one it's about these ghost story books that we found, like old Reader's Digest books that have stories about paranormal events that have happened and we read them out and we make fun of them

because they tend to be pretty funny. A little bit of a twisted take on modern life. I think you should take ghost stories a little bit more seriously. I think that's very disrespectful to made up things. Come get me, ghosts. Took all your watches. Well, there we go,

from before. Yeah, remember that? I learned that in 2001 in Pakistan. What a callback. This guy did a comedy set. Yeah. All right, guys.

Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you mates And they've done it again Oh my god yes They did Sammy doing it for the first time He did it for the first time again

And Noxy did it for more than one time again Yeah Maybe double figures by this point You have to assume time again and Noxie did it for more than one time again. Yeah. Maybe double figures by this point, you have to assume. Oh, I do look at him and I do think double figure. So, yeah. Double Ds. That could be true.

Can you get XLDs? Is that a thing? Well, can you get quadruple Ds? Yeah. How many? Big quadruple Ds. Yeah. Big octagon Ds. That's it.

Very fun. First time, first time. Shermie, welcome in. Welcome aboard, Sammy Shah. Yep. To our little clubhouse. And funny stuff. I guess we'll, you still haven't heard from your dad?

No. R.A. Ringo. We can talk about that next week. Yeah, yeah. I really, I want you to get, I don't want any more text. I know. I want you to get to the bottom of it. I got to get to the, hopefully between doing this episode and the next episode is enough time for me to just ride him like he rode Ringo all week and just go, give me fucking

any skerrick of conversation. Yes. Give me fucking any skerrick of conversation. Yes. Because that is, it's crazy to remember the event at all but have deleted the specifics of it. Yeah. I mean, I kind of get it but also, yeah. It is.

Like, yeah. To not remember even, give me, I'll accept just even a vibe or a tone or a general feeling of how it was to interact with him. I feel like you can forget what you said, but maybe not what he said. Like, surely there must be a thing where it's like, oh, I'll always remember when he said this thing to me. If a beetle said something to me, it wouldn't matter what the fuck it was. Yeah. Because it's not like, oh, it was back before.

He was meeting the most famous people on the planet right then. Yeah. And still now. But maybe it's like in his head at the time, he's like, you know, he's a little sceptical because the Beatles at that era, they were like their stuff was. But how old were you? Oh, man, right then, 1964.

He's in his 20s. Well, he gets it. He's not like some fuddy-duddy. But at that point, Beatlemania, the stuff they were doing, they were really chasing the young female market. So maybe there was a bit of him being the young man about town going like, ah, this is a fad. Once the chicks get over this,

no one's going to remember these guys in three years' time. This isn't worth hanging on to. He's still walking around with his iPhone blaring Lawrence Welk into his eardrums and Ackerbilk, maybe. Okay, all right. I should dig into more what he thought of the music because I imagine he would have hated it when they, post-touring, when they're just doing all the studio stuff

and they're really stretching out. I reckon he would have been off it. If Ringo had reached out then then he would have been like, no, I like your older stuff. Yeah, he would have been like Dave O'Neill trying to talk Eric Banner out of Chopper. I don't know, this Sergeant Peppers sounds a bit gay. What are you doing? Yeah, whatever happened, why don't you want to hold people's hands anymore?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bring the suits back. Not these suits that have diamonds and studs and shit all over them. Just your normal classic, your nice tailored. All this Indian stuff that makes no sense. Whatever happened to proper simple stuff like love me do? Yeah. The Queen's English.

Yeah. I'm keen, very keen. Do my best to get to the bottom of it. Very keen. Even if I have to take him to like a therapist. Yes. Get someone to like hypnotize him and fucking dangle one of Sammy's expensive fob watches in his face. I do love that.

You're in a hypnosis. It's like I'm trying to find a hidden memory. The time I met the most famous people in the world ever. I've repressed it for some reason. I mean, you know, we're joking about it, but it's like, if it's that deeply buried, maybe something did happen. Maybe it was a traumatic experience. The drumstick right up the court.

It was Ringo going, yeah, we went to the zoo today. That chimp enclosure's a piece of shit. Dad like, oh, no. Rinsed by the most famous people on the planet. Rinsed by a mop top. Who's your favourite Beatle? Who's my favourite Beatle? Yeah.

I don't really have one. I mean, I was a kid, I liked Paul, but then it's hard to overlook some of the dog shit he did. Tuntiness about him. No, the dog shit he put out. Cuntiness about him? No, the dog shit he put out. Oh, okay, yeah. Yeah, because I don't really, you know, I don't really see him as a cunt because, like we said,

it's like, I haven't really watched any of that sort of stuff anyway. Yeah. But also, from the sound of it, like, he was just kicking their ass. Yeah, he's just doing, yeah, he's like. Getting it done. Yeah, he's become the leader, the de just doing it. Yeah, he's like... Getting it done. Yeah, he's become the de facto leader of it. So he's like, all right, I'm just going to plough on with this. He's doing a bit of Chandler-ing where he's kicking people's ass.

Let's get this done. And people are going, no, don't be like that. Yeah, you love him because he's like you. Yeah, yeah. A genius. Yeah. Misunderstood genius. Yes.

And I'm incidentally going to get Don't Say Her Name into our own band afterwards. Okay. Wangs. Right. Right. Yeah. That'll be good. But yeah, if you put...

But having said that, I was listening yesterday and you go, you listen the worst of paul and you go oh it's pretty bad but then the best of paul's pretty fucking good right so it's hard it's confusing i don't know because then you go it's easy to go oh yeah john but like you're looking at john's history and he's for anyone to go oh yeah paul's a bit of a cunt it's like oh yeah did he smack his wife around right that's what john did yeah is he the cunt or not i got you know we're making fun of dad for leading with that in the story but i got a lot of time for ringo he's just like yeah just gonna do my thing i'm up here on the drums man i uh i listened to i was watching a few clips because i haven't watched the fucking beatles show yet i i keep forgetting that it's called get back

i just keep thinking oh you thought it was called the beatles show i thought it was called i thought it was basically oh you know the beatles on disney right because that's where you find at the moment disney plus or whatever um and i'm like fuck i've got to watch so i've just watched tiny little bits of it but i've got to clear my schedule i can't watch it with a screaming kid i can't watch it while i'm doing other work i've got to watch it on the big tv i'm not going to fucking sit there on my phone and watch it i want to fucking sit there and properly watch it and then it's like two and a half hours each episode very long yeah i can't i gotta fucking i don't know so uh uh i sat down yesterday and i was like

you know what instead of doing that i'm gonna listen to a couple of albums just the later albums yep uh while i'm doing work and i was really getting into it and i i listened to a song that you tend to look down on in the beatles canon and i listened to octopus's garden and i was like man i was fucking nearly teared up i'm like this is a great song yeah right like from especially coming from you know i started reading a bit about a bit more about you know george and then listening to the simple lyrics of Octopus's Garden and how he wrote it. I read all about how he wrote it and all that sort of stuff. I'm like, man, I've got a new appreciation for Octopus's Garden.

I know you would think of it as like, fucking, that's the song you listen to as a three-year-old. That's how you get into the Beatles. But man, it's a fucking great song. Yeah. It's so much better than, like I said, fucking, you get a bit of Maxwell'syear-old that's how you maybe get into the Beatles but man it's a fucking great song yeah it's so much better than like I said fucking you get a bit of and that's a Ringo that's Ringo that's a Ringo that actually I thought basically they wrote songs for Ringo but then you read about it no no it's Ringo's song but it's like Ringo came into it going here's basically what I've got to sing about an octopus's garden here's a bit of the chorus and everyone else goes oh we'll help you out a little bit right right but he's still like the guts of it and the idea and it goes down as he's the rest of them are like this is how you play a second or a third note to a song yeah oh okay

but you know he's like for the most part he's like he realizes that he's in the presence of two of the greatest songwriters of all time and the whole lead up to that he's just like yeah these guys can do their thing. That's fine by me. I think there's a bit of that, but I think he's also in the eye of the hurricane where it's like, you're not sitting there in the middle of it going, oh, these are the greatest of all time.

You're like, these are my friends in my band that we've been playing with for four years or whatever it is. So I don't think, I think him and George were both, well, not a little bit of Ringo, but a fair whack of george were both like not this is lennon mccartney it's like this is these two cunts i fucking slept in a bed with in hamburg four years ago who won't let me get a song on the album right yeah yeah i think that's that's the context of it there yeah um uh incident and you know whatever whatever people listen to

this bit for but worth a listen is um uh which I've been listening to a bit lately, is George's song, well, my guitar generally weeps. You know, have you ever listened to this when he gets inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and it's posthumous? And his son plays and then a bunch of other people,

Tom Petty play, they do a bit of an old school super group. And then the organisers go, can we get prince involved in this and then they're like um okay and they're like yeah you know prince is a big fan and then they go to prince go are you a fan of george harrison he's like uh yeah i'd have to probably listen to him so they sort of make it happen and they have to sort of sign off on it and they go all right and you watch it and it's like for five minutes it's like just the song and you you go where's prince it's like because he's just

sitting there not doing anything right and then they get to the last solo and then prince goes full prince extreme prince love it and starts hanging out the fucking most insane guitar solo yeah that goes for three four minutes straight where it's like Marty McFly at the end of the bit in Back to the Future, where he's just doing everything. And then you see the rest of them go, well, it's sort of supposed to be a tribute to our dead friend. It's not the Prince show. Yeah.

It's not like get your dick out and wag it around. But as a spectacle, worth an absolute few looks. Yeah, that's great. It is great because you watch it, and I was watching it through the prism of going, I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt here. Like, he's putting on a good show. It's a great song. And he's making it even greater because he's a very skilled musician.

He's very charismatic. And look, he's playing a really great version of a great song. But then at the end, he just goes absolutely flat stick. And you go, oh, this is a little bit over the top actually. Yeah, but I assume that's like him going, he gets asked along, like you said, by the organisers.

They kind of crowbar him in. He didn't have some great friendship with the guy. So he's there doing a tribute and he's like, all right, I'm just going to play music. I don't feel like I need to fucking do this great like honoring on. Well, the others,

I read a thing where it's like, there was a bit of tension on stage because they're like, well, it's pretty clear what's going on here. Yeah. He's just fucking. He's trying to flex. He's taking over.

He's doing some networking. Yeah. He's trying to get his, yeah, yeah. You see Tom Petty going, like he's doing all these crazy things and Tom Petty's just staring at him. Not like smiling, not giving thumbs up, not going, this is an incredible thing. This is an incredible act of musicianship going, you are upstaging my dead cunt, mate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it's like, and again, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt,

going, great show, great show. And then right at the end, he literally throws the guitar in the air and then walks away. Yeah, sick. I love it. To smash or if anyone wants to catch it, they can do that as well. It's like, is that a tribute to a Beatle or is that just you? But he's got the eye on the future.

Like, he's, you know, it's like he knew one day there'll be a format to be able to watch videos from all of history. And it's like, let's make this something to actually revisit in 40 years' time. Man, like I said, it's worth a fucking listen. It's great. I've listened to a bunch of times like this. I was asking my mum about the Beatles and she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, loved them at the time, right into it, yeah, yeah. And I was like, was my – was Grandpa into them?

And she's like, yeah, yeah, no, he liked them. Because it's so fascinating to me. Like the Beatles now, they're like the earlier stuff, like when they were touring. But now by our standards, like it's very like safe music. It's very like – it's very clean. It's very like I want to hold your hand yeah it's very clean it's very like i want to hold your hand but it's like because it was like kind of a newish thing at the time it's

always funny to me to think about like there would have been old cunts at the time going what is this absolute rot completely this is complete fucking racket and it was like fascinating to me to find out that like no no grandpa was into it it's damn it. I would have loved the story about, like, my Grandpa charging into my mum's room and going, get this fucking bullshit off the radio. Yeah. This is, like, this is offensive rock and roll. Yeah. Get this, get this, get this rock and roll drummer out of my son's ass.

Yes. Yeah. Yes. But, yeah, good app. They've done it again. Yes. I think it's a big one. Yes. All fun. yeah yes but yeah good app they've done it again yes yes all fun always good to have someone

someone new in that gets it a lot of fun Sammy thanks for thanks for coming in leading straight away with a bit of

international McDonald's yeah which is appreciated right up our alley we've got we've got live stuff like we said at the top of the show

we've got the Heathcote show that we talked about during the show. Remember to come to that. Remember to turn up. If you've got a ticket to that, if you've got a ticket to the bus, you'll get the full details in the email about where we're hypothetically picking up the hypothetical bus. If you're making your own way in there, you'll also get an email.

We're just going to work out with Terry and the rest of them whether they want us there or whether they don't want us there. Yeah, whether we're out in the street. It's tearing the Union Hotel apart. Doing the show at the caravan park. Yeah. Do they want us to? Do they want us to buy a palmer?

Do they want us to fuck off? So the City Slickers, do you think they're running the operation from here in Melbourne? I got that vibe. Okay. I got that vibe. I. I got that vibe. I love that. Yeah.

I just love a bit of split in the camp where Terry's like, what are you talking about? Hang around here. Terry's the one on the day. Yeah. Terry's the one on the day having to deal with it, but also I get the impression the city person's dealing with the finances and it's like we can't lose the locals.

Yeah, but anyway, well, I like the city guys are like, oh, you know, Wobbsy's coming in for his parma and half past five and then Terry's the one that's actually on the tools down there going, fuck Terry, fuck Wobbsy. Fuck Wobbsy. Fuck Wobbsy. We've got a fucking hundred thirsty people here. Let's, you know, fucking Wobbsy can eat his parma in the car park.

Terry's probably going door to door to all the regulars to fill them in and apologise. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's that real like, hey, look, just for one week, I'm really sorry about this. Free Palmer next week or free Palmer with you, Palmer. You know,

if you're smart, get the, I've seen the car park. Someone says there's a picture of the car park and it's like just some shit gravel road. So put a few card tables in there.

Chuck some trestle tables up there. Yeah, yeah. Locals, for one night only, beer garden for the locals. Sit in the car park and it's our car park themed Saturday night dinner. Yep.

The theme is you're sitting next to your own car. You're eating in your own car. We don't have any card tables. Drive-in restaurant. Love that. We'll poke a hole in the shed. Yep. They can look in at the back of our live podcast and eat their parma in their own car.

It's a shame that we didn't, and there's a million reasons why this didn't happen, but when things were first reopening the first time in the UK, there were drive-in comedy shows. Yes. It's kind of a shame. I mean, fuck, I would have loved to do one for the fact that it would have been an awful experience.

But once that's gone, it's like that's never happening again. You know what I mean? It would have been a great lightning in a bottle story to have of just like yeah i did this one of the worst ideas for a comedy show people like yeah instead of clapping people honk their horns it's like this sounds fucking absurd yes it's i do love that whole thing of like yeah that that sort of thing and also like you know you got a bit of thing at the moment when they've gotten rid of car parks they've put outside furniture and whatever and they've done all this sort of thing and also like you know you've got a bit of thing at the moment where they've gotten rid of car parks they've put outside furniture and whatever and they've done

all this sort of stuff and then restrictions changed two weeks later and it's like okay so we just acted like fucking crazy people for two weeks and then

we just couldn't wait another two weeks well I mean our Heathcote show a great example of that the only way to do comedy book it in yep

yep anyway anyway that'll be fun then Melbourne still some not many tickets left at all

for our big thousand seat of fucking thing so it's gonna be fucking awesome

I can't wait so get on to that then of course Brisbane is that it January the

29th January 29th and then Perth two short weeks later March the 5th in Perth tickets to those things little dumdumclub.com short weeks later, March the 5th in Perth. Yeah.

Tickets to those things, littledumbdumbclub.com. What you can also find on littledumbdumbclub.com is a link to the Patreon, where you can get two bonus episodes every week with great guests. Always a lot of fun. One of them we're recording straight after this. Yes. So we'll have to, this really has to be finished in about 20 minutes or so. Yeah, more or less. Yep, yep, yep.

Yeah, get all that stuff. But also, you go into the draw to get your name read out at the end of an episode of The Little Dum Dum Club. And we're going to make history by including some of those people into our little hall of fame right now. Let's turn on the unplanned title alternator. Let's spew out some names. First cab off the rank this week.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Charlie Pickleton. Here we go. Yeah. Like this a lot. I like the first cab off the rank this week. Pickleton. I'd be dropping the ton. Charlie Pickle is a great name.

I'd just be going Charlie Pickle. And it's like, you know, you're not really. It'd be one of those things where, you know, you look up a celeb and you find out that their name isn't really their name. I never knew Katy Perry wasn't her real name until the other day. What's her real name? It's like Perry's her mother's maiden name. Okay.

It's Kate something, just whatever. It's like you can kind of see why she did it because it's a bit more... It's a good name. But it'll be something like that where it's not like, oh, it's like a crazy changing like Elton John. It's like just a... Yeah, he used to be called Charlie Pickleton.

Just punched it up a little bit. Yeah, if he got really famous, you'd be like, yeah, I can see why he did that. That's way punchier. Catherine Elizabeth Hudson. There you go. Katy Perry. Katy Hudson. Katy Hudson.

Well, there is already a Kate Hudson, isn't there? A famous actress. Yes. Well, there you go. There you go. That would have been it. There's a proper good reason. Just going, mum, give? A famous actress. Yes. Well, there you go. There you go. That would have been it. There's a proper good reason. Just going, mum, give me your maiden name.

Yeah. What would you be if you'd gotten into showbiz and used your mother's? If I'd gotten into showbiz. If when you start doing showbiz, what are you going to use as your name that is your first name and your mother's maiden name? Oh, I don't really want to give out maiden names on this podcast considering that's a security question if that's possible okay so chandler's using the maiden name for he's picking that one from the drop down well when it's all right i'll change it first pet oh well

i might my name no i think that's another question that would probably be that's why i said it i know but i'm like first street no i'm not gonna do it give me give me another security question that would probably be... Yes, that's why I said it. I know, but I'm like... First street. No, I'm not going to do it. Give me another security question that's not one that should be one. That you've actually... Oh, okay, yeah, good question. Dick size. Right, right, right. I'll go back to maiden name.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the one I tell people versus the actual one? That would be a good one. Tell versus actual. Yeah. Yeah. Those are Tell versus actual. Yeah. Yeah. Those are your two options. Yeah.

It's annoying. I've had that a few times on websites where it's like pick a security question that you have to answer and it's like can't I just invent my own one? Why have I got to choose

from these eight choices? You know, it's like and it is like mother's maiden name, first street you lived on, name of first pet. It's like

why has it got to be chosen from a menu? Why can't I just type in a question that – You know what? Because I've dealt with the public enough and emails from the public enough where you just get stuff where it's just indecipherable. I'd get stuff – the amount of times I've emailed someone back to go, I'm so sorry, but what are you talking about? Right.

What is this? Yeah. What's this – is this a question or is this a sentence or what is this? So I think there'd be people trying to log on to their fucking net banking and seeing. Back way then, what about this? Okay, I don't know the answer to that. But I always wonder, like, people who are, like, awful at typing,

like a Brett Blake, for example, is he able to then look back at that in 48 hours time and just go, oh, this is what this says? Can he translate his own? Can he translate his own? Does it read as normal to him or does he, with the passage of time, does he fall into the same bracket as all of the rest of us where we're like, what is this meant to say?

Yeah, I'm not quite sure about that. Are you doing a about that are you doing a show or are you about to kill yourself what is what is this what is this rambling yes what is this note going out into the ether well what would be your security question that you you you've said i could invent my own one you've said you want one what's your one then um favorite mario kart uh player to fuck? Who do you pick in Mario Kart? That's not a bad one

Yeah I mean that's easy to crack though Because there's like 20 things it could be And also you could probably immediately rule out 10 of them Yeah I'm guessing this I'm guessing how many Mario Kart players There's 20 odd characters in each game and is

there like three or four that everyone go to yes yeah it's gonna be yoshi or toad or mario right it's not gonna be fucking baby luigi right although maybe you know maybe it would be worth changing your mind if that was a security question yeah you would then have to change your go-to Mario Kart character just to kind of outsmart the potential hackers out there. What about this for a potential security question? Name of the person who's broken your heart the most. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because you could say that that's easy for someone who knows you to know, but the same is true of Street You Lived On and Mother's Maiden name. Yeah. for someone who knows you to know. But the same is true of Street You Lived On and Mother's Maiden Name. Yeah. I do a bit of Street You Lived On like 10 years ago or something like that.

Yeah. Not the first one. Okay. Address of favourite share house? Yeah. That's a good one. Yes. Yeah.

Address of where you lost your virginity? Yes. My bum. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, that's an easy one. Yeah. Where's Wed, that's the next one. Yeah. Where's Wet on Wellington?

Put there. Also, I think Charlie Pickles is a very good suggestion as to a good abbreviation of Charlie Pickles. But I also quite like the idea of having a full name, Charlie Ton of Pickles. Yeah, there we go. There we go. Ton of Pickles. Yep. A good security question for us could be,

favourite Patreon name you've ever read out? Oh, yes. And someone wanted to hack our bank accounts and just having to listen back through hundreds and hundreds of hours of this to see what got the most reaction. And then they put in, jack my tiny dick off. Yes. Bob's your uncle.

You've got access to all of our money. Yep. Well done. By listening to the Patreon, you have now got all the Patreon money. Yeah. Well, thanks, Charlie Pickles. Thanks, Charlie Pickles. Oh, yeah, Charlie Pickles is better than Charlie Pickle, isn't it?

Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Charlie, and again, Pickleton, the ancestors. Just not even a pickle farmer, not even a pickle hunter, just someone who's like, I didn't do any of the hunting or gathering or picking. I just fucking got a heap of them. Yeah. And that's what I want my family to be known for. Yeah.

Shitloads of pickles. They used to be the cucumber ton. They were fucking around with vinegar. They ran out of places to store all the cucumbers. So they'll put them in jars of vinegar and then they wake up. What's happened to all these fucking cucumbers? So that's their, that's, that's sort of the bigging themselves up. There's probably people out there calling Charlie, Charlie Cucumber or whatever, which

is again, great name. Yep. But they're like, they were sort of trying to put themselves, elevate themselves in society by going, well, we don't well, we don't have the cucumbers. We do a little bit of work on it, actually. Not just any fucking hobo can do this. We're not just taking things as they lay. We're doing a bit of modding.

We're doing a bit of extra work here. We're not like you hobos in the gutter sucking on cucumbers. We appreciate the finest things in life. And also, we've got a fucking ton of them. It's like if you're writing a joke, like it's a topical or observational thing about a thing that is very big and exists. The first thing you think of, you can't use that because it's like that's the first thing you thought of.

You have to assume that most other people would have been able to arrive at that. So you have to take it like a few steps beyond. That's the difference between the cucumber family and the pickle family. The cucumber family are like, that's our first take. We're happy with that. The pickles are like, no, no, no. We need to take a few steps away from this. So you're saying whenever you say a cucumber from now on,

you go first draft? Very hack. First draft. Think outside the bugging box. Anyone, any idiot could have walked into a supermarket and thought of that hack hack yeah hack vegetable tommy little was putting up a thing on social media a while ago of like food facts that he'd found out that really shocked him and one of them was pickles are just cucumbers yes and that shocked me because i was like how can an adult not know that i found that bizarre i thought that was funny because he was like oh

i've only just found this out. I'm like, oh, you idiot. I found this out two weeks ago. Because it was around the same time that I think he put up the same thing. It was like, I think it might have even come off the back of all us talking about ice creams and stuff. And people were like, you know what rainbow is, right? I was like, no.

Sorry, rainbow petal pops. Flavoured, yes. And I was like, no, it's caramel. I didn't know that until this year, maybe? End of last year, start of this year, something like that. So, yeah, I think that might have been one of the facts as well. Thanks, Charlie Pickles. Thanks, Charlie Pickles.

Thanks, Charlie Cucumber. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber, Will Schoenmaker. Oh, okay. S-C-H-O-E-N-M-A-K-E-R. Okay. Patreon subscriber, Will Schoenmaker. Oh, okay. S-C-H-O-E-N-M-A-K-E-R. Okay. Is that Schoenmaker? Schoenmaker?

Yeah. Schoenmaker? Yeah. Will Schoenmaker. It's close enough. Yeah. It's what you're going to get. You can't expect too much more.

No. Schoenmaker. Schoenmaker. Yeah. Whew. It's tough. I'm going to look up what. So if he's a Shoan Maker, what's a Shoan?

Is it a shoe? What did you say? S-H-O-E-N. S-H-O-E-N. What is a Shoan? Oh, my God. This is great. So I've just looked up S-C-H-O-E-N, right? Yep.

Schoen. Yep. It's gone into Google Translate. That's the German. That translates into English as nice. Nice maker. Yeah. Okay.

What a great name. Will Nicemaker. Nicemaker. He makes things nice. Makes things nice. A nice maker. Yeah. Okay. What a great name. Will Nicemaker. Nicemaker. He makes things nice. Makes things nice. A nice maker. Or it could be like he's had a child. Child's a great guy.

Child's, or girl, child's very nice. Will made them. Well, he's a fixer. He makes things nice. Yeah. Let's get over Will Nicemaker. He's like a refurbisher. Takes like a busted up old armchair, comes in,

gets a new covering, fixes up the foundation. I like to think it's not just that. It's just he makes everything nice. Yeah. Like he's done this this week. I mean, for starters, he's given us money, which makes things nice. That makes things nice.

Makes the bank account a bit nicer. You know, sometimes you get some sort of a dud name and you go, oh, that's a fucking bit of a punishment. But instead, he's given us the gift of Will Nicemaker and he's given us a fucking treat right here. He's done nothing but make things nice so far. And that's all he's really done by doing that is just listen to a podcast and decide to give them a little bit of money a month.

That's ultimately such low effort that you have to wonder, what other nice things is he out there doing every week if he really puts his mind to it yeah because he's ultimately at the end of the day this has the benefit

of being a nice thing for us but he's certainly getting something out of it he's getting the bonus episodes you know he's enjoying the pod we only know

two things about this guy and both things he's made nice imagine all the nice things out there we don't even know anything about yeah imagine all the I wonder what kind of good deed he's made nice. Imagine all the nice things out there we don't even know anything about. Yeah.

Imagine all the, I wonder what kind of good deed he's doing right now. If you ever, Will, if you ever come to a show, please come up. Please,

I mean, I know we're asking for much. Buy us drinks. You've already, you've already done two nice things but can you come up

and make things nice with us? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's like making whoopee. Make nice with us. Make nice. Fuck us. Yeah.

Yeah. Suck us off. The ultimate nicety. The ultimate good us. Make nice. Fuck us. Yeah. Yeah. Suck us off. The ultimate nicety. The ultimate good manners. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The ultimate, as we're blowing our loads into your mouth, we're just going, oh, nice. Yeah. Yeah.

The masculine urge to suck someone off is a good deed. Yes. Thank you. Thank you, Will. Thank you, Will. In advance. Yeah. Nice.

Very nice. It's like the, what is it, Mentos? In advance. Yeah. Nice. Very nice. It's like the, what is it, Mentos? The Freshmaker? The Nicemaker. William, the Nicemaker. The Mentos of Patreon subscribers. Thanks, Will. Thank you, William.

Thanks, NM. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Jarrah Rollo. Okay. Don't mind her, Rollo. Israh Rollo. Okay. Don't mind a Rollo. Is the Rollo... Speaking of snacks that come in a little tube. Is the Rollo got... Is it like a toffee caramel filling?

Yeah. Is that what it is? It's like a little... They're in the little tube like a... Yeah. Like a fruit tingles kind of shaped tube. Like the... And then they're a little kind of...

They're chocolate. Yeah. Chocolate on the outside. kind of shaped tube. Like the... And then they're a little kind of... They're chocolate. Yeah, chocolate on the outside. Gooey. Yeah. Yeah. And it's not just caramel, is it? It's toffee or something, I think. Yeah, I believe that it's a blend.

Let's have a look. Roll-O. A Roll-O. I bet you know what I bought a bit of. You know, there's many things that tell you when you're getting older, but one of them is your... You've moved over to only eating old gold chocolate. It's exactly what I was about to say.

Club. Bought a big old block of old gold yesterday. Really into it. My grandpa, when he was alive, was obsessed with, I believe, I think it was the club. And it was just like like you have it as a little kid and you're like this is diesel chocolate yes this is so intense yeah but then you reach this is where you're like you know what a fucking a block of dairy milk's just not cutting it yeah

it's um it's the ipa of chocolate yes that's not bad yeah yeah it's the it's like more more alcohol it's like feels fuller. It's fruitier. There's more going on. There's more depth to it. I don't want to be a little kid and just get a fucking, like, a little dairy milk. I want to, you know... I don't want a Coke at dinner.

Yeah. I'll have a fine wine. Yeah. I'll have a roll of, or what do you call it? A column of old gold. Is that what you're doing? Is that the unit that you eat your chocolate, your blocks of chocolate in?

Yeah. You're starting with... There's no way you're just having a block. No. Yeah. I'm not doing that. And then once you're doing that, I mean, I think for me,

it's the aesthetic thing of even if I want... I don't know how many there are in a typical column of a chocolate block, but let's say I've had two or three. Then it annoys me that the chocolate bar is sitting at kind of like a weird shape. So there's like kind of an OCD part of me that's just like, I've got to finish this off so it's a perfect rectangle and put it back in the cupboard.

I have an OCD thing in me where I need to get rid of the entire block at once. Rolo is only caramel. Yeah, I've just read that. That's surprising. I always thought. Rolo is only caramel. Yeah, I've just read that. That's surprising. I always thought there was something else going on. I love a Rolo. Okay, well, now maybe I do too. Maybe I've shied away from it because I thought it was different to what it was.

Yeah, it's something about the shape of it. It makes it all just taste a bit better. I agree. Texturally, it's good. When I get the – I'm a big fan of just the plain dairy milk Cadbury's as well. And, you know, they always give you the two options, the block or the... I mean, I'm talking like the 55 gram bar. The block or the cylindrical cone shaped.

Yep. And I always go with the round. Yep. Always go with the round. Yep. Something about round chocolate. It's good. Yeah.

Tastes better. You know what I had in lockdown that I hadn't had for a while? A bag of pods. Oh, I love pods. Love a pod. I've had to stop myself. I had a bit of a reputation in the project offices of just bringing in bags. You've got a few, but yeah.

Well, here's one of them. Bags of pods and just eating the whole thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Eating entire fucking bags of pods for breakfast. I got a bag of pods delivered at like midnight during the lockdown because i was like you know what i am fanging for it and this is a thing that exists that i can do i've got the option i can't leave the house i can order it from just a fucking service station and get some guy to bring me a bag of pods i'm doing it a six bag six dollar bag of pods i bet something fucking outrageous that would have been nice yeah it was it was like the bag was expensive then i'm doing it a six bag six dollar pot bag of pods i bet something fucking outrageous that

would have been nice yeah it was it was like the bag was expensive then i'm paying for the delivery but i'm like i'm in lockdown i'm doing nothing else i'm fanging for a midnight bag of pods this i think i believe i got the snickers flavor i was better and just deleted them within minutes of them coming through the front door see i'm a big fan of going through the supermarket and going um i'm buying something else and i'll give myself a treat and then i'm like i'm gonna i'm gonna be guided by the uh the red spot special or whatever's going on it's like i'm crazy not to get this bag of pods this week because it's fucking two dollars fifty yeah i don't even i don't need it yeah i don't want it yeah but i'd be a fucking idiot to go past it and then that almost says to me in a way,

well, you better eat it all at once because I'm not thinking it's a bag full of chocolate. That's too much. I'm thinking it's only $2.50 worth of chocolate. Right. Yes, I see what you're saying. Yes. Well, we had the same thing. We had some friends of my girlfriend's over on Saturday night

and we all ordered pizza. And that's great. That's a great thing to do when you have people around because it means you just end up with a bunch of leftover pizza in your house. So we had dinner last night. We're breaking out the leftover pizza. And that kind of felt, mentally for me, that's in the same bracket where it's like, this doesn't count as me having a pizza.

It's just in the fridge. It's just leftover. It's free pizza. I'm finishing leftovers. This isn't bad for me. I'm not sitting here on a Monday night ordering a pizza and eating the whole thing. It's not even your pizza. It's free pizza.

Exactly. It's pizza that someone else didn't eat. So it's like calories and carbs wise, it just doesn't count. This is basically healthy. Are you cleaning up? Yeah. That's my rule is anything that I haven't poured in, it doesn't count as weight gain or bad for me. You're cleaning the fridge.

You're getting rid of waste. Yep. The poor starving kids in Africa aren't, you know, having to feel bad about any of this sort of stuff. Saving money. Yeah.

It's just all there. It's free pizza. Yep. Making room in the bin. Yep. Yep. All that stuff. It's all fucking great.

Yeah. I mean, I should order some pizza on the way home and just stick it straight in the fridge. Exactly. Have it the next day.

Yeah. Help everyone out. It's, you know, it's also the nice thing about it too is like I think most people and just stick it straight in the fridge. Exactly. Have it the next day. Help everyone out. It's also the nice thing about it too is like I think most people, you get really stuck in the mud with your pizza choices. You have your things that you like and then that's what you're always gravitating towards on a menu. But when it's been a big group and there's been a bunch of slices left over, you're taking a little trip of the world.

You're experiencing new cultures. You're broadening your horizons. This is one absolutely covered in mushrooms now you could not pay me normally to order a pizza that's covered in mushrooms but this one last night it's one slice of it you know what i'm still hungry yeah it's that or nothing i'll have it you know what i was like pretty good i get a bit of that in the with the bay marine if there's only i'm i'm you, on the way home from a gig or something, there's one mushroom left. How far away is the pepperoni?

15 minutes. Yeah, I feel like mushroom now, actually. That's going to have to be it. Yeah, I really feel like mushroom. Oh, it's pretty good. I mean, those bain-marie pizzas are like 95% dough anyway. Yeah. So it's not like you're really tasting all the ingredients.

Yeah. That's fine. Very bready. Love bread. Love dough. Great. Ah, can't do it really

yeah I love it don't like oh look I'll do it if I'm you know if I'm pushed when I'm fuck eyed

and that's all that's available someone dared me love it best thing in the world someone dared me I'd probably eat a full loaf of bread by itself I would fucking

yeah enjoy that yeah I could do it it's doable yeah well thanks Mr Cadbury or whoever the fuck

yeah this was. Yeah, thanks, Wonka. Thanks, Mr. Wonka. Jarrah Rollo. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah. Shout-outs to the Rollo. Yeah.

Shout-outs to finding out, Rollo, what you're really made of at the end of the day. I can't remember the last time I sighted a Rollo in the wild. I wonder if they're being scaled back. I wonder if the Zoomers are not into Rolos. It's, you know, there's, I feel sort of bad about this because, you know, you used to think the supermarket, just this free market, this beautiful place, and you find out a little bit more about it and people are paying for shelf space. It's all political, man. Yeah. Who do you know for whatever reason now um you can't find uh you know probably my

favorite bar chocolate of all time is the plain m&m oh yeah and you can't get the 55 gram bag in a supermarket anymore you can't get the loose 55 gram okay you can only get like you're talking about the pods you can only get the big ass fucking five dollar bag or whatever okay you can only get a big-ass fucking $5 bag or whatever. $4 bag. Oh, okay. You can only get a big-ass bag now. You want the little snack bag. You can't get... You need to go and get the thing from the supermarket.

I assume they still do that. You need the little party bags. Yes. The 12-pack of... You need to go to more kids' birthday parties. You need to get more lolly bags. You need to stop going there just to pick up and get the lolly bags. You need to stop leaving early.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But, yeah. Even that's too small. You want the – I always thought it's the perfect size, the perfect amount of M&Ms. This is my issue with the Ben & Jerry's company. Love their ice creams, but you can either get like a big fucking – I believe it's a pint that is like – the temptation is too much

because it's so much. I think it's meant to be like three serves, but when it's there, I just know that I'm going to fucking eat too much of it. And it's like I don't. Three serves is close enough to one. Yeah, exactly. It's like I don't want this temptation in the house, but then their single serve ones are too small.

They're not satisfying enough. They need a new size between the two of them that is a realistic single so have you yeah i mean you would have done this a lot you get a snack or any kind of food and on the back it's like servings per package four and it's like get real cunt this is one yeah this was one sitting of pasta i'll be fucked if i'm dividing this up into four little serves absolutely how do you think people are eating this get a fucking grip i don't even read that stuff i just think it's a joke. Yeah. You're having a laugh.

Who's this for? I assume that it's like so it's like the, you know, it doesn't look too unhealthy. Yeah, they're covering themselves. It's like actually a quarter.

They're covering themselves legally. Yeah. No, absolutely. No. I think I'll be the judge of food thinking. I think I know a little bit

more about food than a food company. I'll tell you what a serving is. If it's, if putting the spoon in makes the serving structurally unsound enough, the bits of it are then falling off the edge of the plate, that's a serving. Yeah. Thanks, Jarrett Rollo again.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber, Stephen Long. Okay. All right. Yep. This is, you know, I mean, Stephen Long, you know, it's slightly interesting, but, you know, not compared to the, you know, I mean, Stephen Long, you know, it's slightly interesting, but, you know, not compared to the, you know, there's a bit going on this week. Any other week if we were opening with this one,

we'd be like, all right, we're away here. We're okay. This is getting us a bit of momentum. We've got Long Stevie right here. Yep. There's something to play with. Yep. But after Charlie Pickles, Cucumber Chucky and the Nice Maker and.

And the Milky Buck here. And the bloke with a picnic up his arsehole or whatever he was. Yeah, there's a bit happening this week. Yeah. Long, long Stevie. Number four this week. Steven with a PH. With a PH level, not with a V.

Don't love it. What a shame. What is going through your head when you're naming a kid Steve, Stephen, and you're picking the PH over the V? Like genuinely, what is the thinking as a parent that makes you go, I wouldn't be caught dead naming my child Stephen with a V? Do you know what's good? Do you know what should be done, which I've never seen done, which is this. my child Stephen with a V. Do you know what's good? Do you know what should be done, which I've never seen done?

Which is this. Okay, Stephen with a V. You want to be known as Steve? S-T-E-V-E. Stephen with a P-H. You want to be known as Steve? Steph. Spell your name.

S-T-E-P-H-E. Steve. Okay. That's good, isn't it? Steve. Steve. Yeah. Steve.

Is that what it is? Is it like, I want to call my child Steven. I do not want them to ever be able to go by Steve. Right. So by calling it PH, you are negating that. Right. You are leaving no room for that at all. You can't.

You want to shorten it? Guess what, cunt? You're Steph. You're abbreviation proof. Yeah. Maybe that's it. It's like, love the name Steven, cunt? You're Steph. You're abbreviation proof. Yeah. Maybe that's it. It's like, love the name Stephen, but got bullied by a Steve. A weird person who's like, fine with one, but off the other.

Could Stevie Wonder have been S-T-E-P-H-I-E? Steffy Wonder. Steffy Wonder. Steffy Wonder. Beautiful. Steffy Wonder. Steffy Wonder. Surely someone's

called themselves that before. It's just sitting there. I reckon you'd find more commonly you'd find the P-H's just go by Steve and they just spell it with a V. Oh, really? I think you'd find that, yeah. It's like, you know what? It's the same name when it's extended.

I'm just gonna cut it down. I don't want people to pronounce it as Steph. This is just easier. All right. I found someone. I was going to say I found someone famous called Steve. Steve like that. He's just come up a bunch.

He's not really that famous at all. But he's clearly a guy who's had the same thought as us and gone, I'm going to be the guy. I'm going to be the guy. And I believe he's the only guy. He's just come up. He's the only person on the whole first page. On God's green earth.

Yeah. Steve Wilkes, a non-executive director of some fucking company. A non-executive? Yes. Yeah. That seems odd to me. Me too. Yeah.

He's a non-executive director. He's just a guy going around directing things and not really having the power to do it. Yeah. I'm a non-CEO. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just a guy telling people what to do and people sort of ignore me because I'm not really a boss at all. it. Yeah, I'm a non-CEO. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just a guy telling people what to do and people sort of ignore me because I'm not really a boss at all.

Wait, wait, wait. Are you executive? No, no, I'm the non-executive. Oh, okay. Well, right, right. Take this with a grain of salt. Oh, you're goddamn right I will be. Yeah, yeah.

I'll be taking it with a fucking gallon of salt. Yeah. I'm the sort of director on a film where when I say cut, people keep filming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm not director. If I a film where when I say cut, people keep filming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm not director. If I tell the actor to do it this way or walk in this direction, they're doing it the opposite.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, I'll show you. Yeah. You're the not. You're the anti-director. Yeah. You actually don't even get one of those cool fold-out chairs. Yeah.

Yeah. You're sitting on the ground going, action. And they're like, we don't have film in the camera yet. He's like, that's cool because I'm not an executive. What if you had an anti-director on a film? Action. And they're like, we don't have film in the camera yet. He's like, that's cool because I'm not an executive. What if you had an anti-director on a film? So you have like a film that is being directed by one of the greats, like a Paul Thomas Anderson, someone with just a, you know,

really knows what he's doing. But then just to really make sure that this is going to be good, you get a second anti-director in who's someone who's just only ever directed dog shit. Everything they've done, 30% on Metacritic or lower so someone who's been involved with like a you know the disaster movie

or the epic movies or whatever they are so they're both on set you've got your Paul Thomas Anderson there he's like I think the scene should be done this way

now what do you think and he's like oh I think it should be done this way and it's the opposite and they go great we know we're on the right track

and if there's ever a point where they think the same thing, it's like, all right, we're in trouble here. If this is how this guy thinks it should be done, maybe it's time to rethink the scene. You can be a canary down the coal mine of movies. You're here because you know how you're completely fucked in the head. Yes.

Well, you just give us your ideas and we do the opposite. Exactly. Everything you do is so wrong that you just tell us your instinct and then we make sure we're going in the opposite direction. Right. And then this will be a good film. Right. Guaranteed.

And what if they just to make sure they do the rushes every day, they actually make his film at the same time as well. Okay. So they. Right. Just every day they're like, we better at the same time as well. So they... Right. Just every day they're like, we better just make sure this guy isn't getting good at directing. Right.

And so every day they do the... Just because he's around an actual legitimate production and he's absorbing a bit of it. Yeah, yeah. They do the... Because he is on the set of a movie that's essentially being made really well at the end of the day. Right.

So just in case he's taking any of that in. Well, he's watching how Paul Thomas Anderson's doing it and he's like, yeah, this cunt knows what he's doing. So then in the morning, every morning, they're watching the rushes, the real movie, and then the just-in-case movie. Yep. Where they're watching potentially, hopefully,

the shittest movie of all time. Yep. Because sometimes they'll watch rushes and go, they don't want to see the second lot of rushes and go, this isn't looking too bad. And they go, fuck, let's change the first movie. Let's get back to the proper good movie. Well, then when it gets time to doing it in front of test audiences,

what they then have to do is play each version of the scene and then they get those test audiences to vote. Which version of this scene did you like more? So maybe you do end up with a cut that's like 60-40. It's like, you know what? This dog shit cunt, he actually got a few in. Broken Clock is right twice a day. He actually got a few in Yeah Broken clock is right Twice a day

He actually did call it A couple times That would be great If they did that With George Lucas And there's a movie out there A bunch of Russia somewhere Where Luke's sucking off

Chewbacca Yep For like an hour Of his movie Yep I mean I don't know If that's really a thing That the director can be

Bringing in I think that's You'd think that's happening More at the scripting stage But like Yeah I don't know just improv yeah exactly

oh wow okay they just they're gonna lose they went there alright he's the director that goes look we've got the script

but just do what you feel out there like it's just a loose it's just an interpretation of what we think the movie is just vibe it out like Curb

we'll give you the outline and then you just yeah feel it out and Mark Hamill if you think while you're walking through the desert if you think

well the natural next step is to suck off a dog yep you go for it and then he's gone yes I have we're nearly getting

to the 90 minute mark here yep I'll just keep doing it you say cut whenever you want yep and he's like keep them rolling yep

if nothing this will be good for the Christmas party just get a bit extra for safety yeah yeah yeah we've probably got it but let's just do it a couple more times.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, on film, sucking off a dog for 90 minutes only looks like 20 minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So just keep going. Right, right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right. In case we need 30 minutes.

The camera deletes 10 millimetres. 10 pound of cum. 10 millilitres. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, thanks. Thanks, Stephen Long, however we got there.

Thanks, Stephen Long. Yeah. Yeah. Long, long. Ended up being not too bad. Long, long Stevie. We were sort of dunking on it, but there. Thanks, Stephen Long. Yeah. Ended up being not too bad. Long, long Stevie. We were sort of dunking on it, but, you know, that was good. Yeah, it's got nothing to do with his name.

I don't know how the fuck we got there. But that's fine. It's something. We said words that were something. We amused ourselves, each other a little bit. And I think that's all we can hope for. All right. So we've got a guest.

Well, we talked about the Beatles a lot. So why don't we just wrap it up with the number of Beatles that there were and we should call it we should call it just do that many names

just do the fab four names okay right right right in tribute to you know what we were talking about a lot in the guts of the episode okay well that's done then

oh hang on a minute what one's just jumped on we might as well do it oh right okay thank you very much to Patreon subscriber

Pete Best Comedy oh yes I love Best Comedy yeah Pete Best hyphen comedy yeah alright great thanks Pete

and again someone that should have been cut out of this final exactly yeah yeah yeah thanks everyone who supports the show on Patreon patreon.com

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Get into the merch shop. Or you know what? We've been doing a few dummios lately, which is just, I don't know if you, obviously there's a lot of people out there that just go, of course we know what dummios is. But some people might not know that there's a thing out there called Cameos that we've sort of changed the name of. Cheeky.

It's our own little thing. And you give us a bit of info. People buy them for other people, particularly for birthdays, even Christmas. We've got a few Christmas ones lately. And then you give us a bunch of info and we just riff and hang shit on your friend for Christmas. Or your dad, which I think we're about to do as well. Oh, really? Someone's dad.

Okay, great. Fuck. Yeah, get on there. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for all that stuff. Thanks for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mate.