The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 585 - Live! Harley Breen, Brett Blake & Oliver Clark

Episode Date: December 15, 2021

It's our first live show in six months at The Union Hotel in Heathcote, Victoria with HARLEY BREEN, BRETT BLAKE and OLIVER CLARK! You'll hear all about the journey up on the Milan Party Bus, the continuation of our long-running tech issues, and then a whole lot of chaos as people are falling off chairs and we slowly lose our minds on stage. Is it good to be back? I don't remember. Enjoy! No refunds. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode recorded live in Heathcote with guests Harley Breen, Brett Blake and Oliver Clarke. What you are about to hear was recorded in country Victoria after an hour and a half long bus ride shared by us and what, like 25 of our listeners? Yeah, plus all the guests. So what this is, it's a live show from Heathcote, from the Union Hotel in Heathcote. If you are a long or short-term listener of the show, weeks and weeks and weeks ago,

we decided we were going to go and find maybe the worst pub or worst town in Victoria. It sort of morphed into not the worst town, but the worst-looking pub. We found this pub. It looked terrible on Google Maps. They did fix it up a little bit, but it was pretty like tin-sheddy sort of a deal. But we're all super excited to get up into the country

out of Melbourne after all that time of lockdown. So what you're about to hear is a cacophony of noise generated by people that have been locked up for about six months, I think. And then drinking on a bus for 90 minutes straight. And the people who weren't drinking on the bus were people who got up nice and early to stay in Heathcote and then drank all afternoon. So, look, see how you go. If you're not into it 10 minutes in, it doesn't really change. So, it's a pretty consistent vibe the whole way through. So, you'll know early on if you're into it or not.

It might be, I mean, I haven't listened to it. I don't know what the quality of the sound is like, but it might be like living next door to a party. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could be sort of like listening into everyone else having a fun time and not really know what's going on. And you can have the experience of sitting there and being like, that's it. I've got to call the cops and get this shut down. And then realize, you know what? I can do one better than that.

I can just press stop right now and get on with my life. You can bang on the side of the iPhone and say, keep it down in there. Yep, yep. Alright, so here it is, live in Heathcote, Harley Breen, Brett Blake and Oliver Clark. Hey, mates! Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Coming to you live from the Union Hotel in Heathcote, Victoria. My name is Sammy Dasolo,

and with me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler! Yeah, he gets! Yes! Man, we haven't done a live gig in six months and then we do this. This is the ideal warm-up to the 500th episode of the Athenaeum. Absolutely. Welcome to our dress rehearsal.

I'm glad everyone could make it here for my 18th birthday party, as you can see behind us. Finally. I was eight when we started this show and boy, what an education it's been. People keep asking why do we pick here? Why this location? I'm like, honestly, this is the closest to Thailand I could get.

This is the third world country of Country Victoria. Yes, everything about this room is completely fucked. Should we set the scene for people at home? Should we address the incompetent tech at home? Should we address the incompetent tech elephant in the room? Well, hey, hang on. Hang on. No, no, no.

He's tipping because he's in the room. No, not the actual elephant. Come on, mate. He's doing us a favour. No, black used to be slimming, but yeah, cool. I love you, Joshy. So we booked a tech, car booked a tech, came here, set everything up, and then he was like, anyway, boys, I'm off.

He's got a better gig around the corner. Like, how many podcasts are there in fucking Heathgate? Yeah, he's like, no, you paid me for set up, and then I come back and I pack everything down. It's actually worked out great for me I've been able to get another gig just around the corner Fucking Mark Barron's down the road from here So that should work out well

Yeah so who knows if this is being recorded But we've got Josh checking the levels Making sure we're all okay How are we going Joshy? You're peaking a bit Oh we're peaking a bit Well thisaking a little bit. Oh, we're peaking a bit. Well, this is the best we're going to get right now. All right, well, if you can run around the corner and let old mate know,

and then maybe he can come in and sort that out, that'd be great. Is this better than the time when we went to Costa Mui and brought a tech and then found out he was doing pills the whole time and didn't know what the fuck he was listening to? Well, I haven't been electrocuted yet, like what happened with that guy. So, so far, yes, we are coming out ahead at this point. fuck he was listening to. Well, I haven't been electrocuted yet, like what happened with that guy. So, so far, yes, we are coming out ahead at this point. So, so far, the tech that's not here is better than those ones. Yes.

Yeah, right. Yes, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you had an interesting dealing with him on the phone. Yes. So, I guess... Because, yeah, he left and it was like, okay, this is annoying for the purposes of the quality of the gig in terms of the recording and the tech.

But it does mean that we can now talk shit about him. Yeah, well. Now that he's not going to be in the room. He was like, you didn't pay me to stick around. It's like, I thought that was implied when you're being, when you're recording a fucking show. You don't just, like, you know, you don't just in the old days hit play and record and then walk away for three hours and then come back and hope that you've recorded the fucking business or something. He goes to me, you're all good, the recorder's there so you just hit record and then it'll record.

It's like, I'm doing the show. Yeah. Oh wait, is it recording? Josh, please don't be checking Facebook. Josh! I mean, I said, you don't have to stress too much. Just be keeping one eye on it and one ear open.

You've got one earbud in. Is it connected to us at all? You're not just watching the lad bible over there, are you? Oh, yeah, nice. You're listening to last week's episode of this so you can catch up. Can you hear us right now? I mean, I know we're three metres away, but can you hear us? Is it going okay?

It's going good. Okay, right, right, right. And it's definitely recording? The numbers have stopped moving. Josh. Josh. Like, funny stuff, but don't fuck with me. It's okay.

All right. How long have we done so far? No, how long to go? Seven minutes Oh fuck, almost time to clock off That is a great feeling I do love that he was like Oh you paid me to set up, you paid me to fuck off

You didn't pay me to sit around in the middle It's like, what are you talking about? Like, how would you That's the easiest bit Yeah Unless you can go around the easiest bit. Yeah. Yeah. Unless, you can go around the corner

and set up again and then leave there. Man, he's... This guy's fucking shocked us very nicely. We paid him 600 bucks to fucking hit record

at the start and then turn up at the end and he hasn't done either of them. Not yet. These speakers are his. How do they sound,

everyone? Are we getting a good return on... Alright, well, I take it all back. At the end of the gig, if you need to relieve yourself, feel free to piss straight into it. Anyway. He sounds like a cool cat. Yeah, so when I was dealing with him on the phone,

I was like, alright, we need a tech, whatever. And so within a minute, literally within 60 seconds of the call of me going, I had to fit in the words, we're doing a show in Heathcote, we want a tech, we need to record a podcast, whatever. He was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, cool. Anyway, this virus, is this real or not? Is this like...

He's like, my wife is a nurse and she's been in the hospital and 60% of the people in the hospital are there because of the jab, not because of the fucking virus. I'm like, can you hit record or not, cunt? And the answer obviously was no. Feeling good about touching equipment that he's set up now.

Dan, we probably could have gotten a different guest down here. I really agree with the views of your tech. He's got a lot of really interesting things to say. What a great guy. Good on him. Very sad he's gone around the corner.

He's gone to record another gig and I'm angry. I'm angry. Opened a packet of COVID. It's a fucking conspiracy. Opened a podcast. Couldn't It's a fucking conspiracy. Opened a podcast. Couldn't hear it. Didn't record. Oh, fuck.

This might, as with all of our live shows, this might be just for us, folks. Who knows if anyone outside of this room is ever going to hear this. Yeah. Yeah. What else have we got? Should we? Well, we came down. So shout out to all the people who came here.

We did advertise... No, not just you. Shout out to all of you. Is there anyone... Because we are in this tiny pub in Haysgate. Is there anyone that snuck in? Is there anyone that doesn't know what's going on? Yeah.

Is there anyone? You? Oh, no. Okay, we'll get to you. Yeah, Milan. It's very fitting that the two people who put their hands up are both called Milan. Yeah, you. Oh, no, hang on. Okay, we'll get to you. Yeah, Milan. It's very fitting that the two people who put their hands up are both called Milan. Yeah.

Yeah. We did have... So for people at home, we did take the bus here. We hired our own bus. We got people... The people that were brave enough to get on the bus, salute to you guys. We had two Milans on the bus, both fucked in the head.

Yeah. But a lot of people didn't turn up. Honestly, in the last day, everyone was like, oh, no, we're COVID. I'm like, cool, no refunds. So... Oh, I booked this in lockdown and now things are open and I could not go to Heathcote on a fucking bus that's probably going to be driven off a cliff.

So I'm just going to stay in my suburb today. And fair play to them. Yeah. So we did have, we did advertise it as the Milan bus trip, the Milan party bus, that's right. So if you're looking beside yourself and you're seeing someone almost about

to fucking hit the ground drunk, they're on the bus. Yeah. Who came up on the bus? Who reckons they're the most fucked up from the bus trip? Okay, so all of them. Great. That paints a vivid picture. This guy here, you reckon you're the most fucked up from the bus?

What? Weirdly enough, that was the guy sitting next to Milan. That's what a coincidence. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear this cunt. Happy birthday to you. Hey.

Guys, calm down. We're trying to impress the people from Heathcote, all right? We're very unprofessional. But, man, so I was like, man, I was worried about this happening. Everyone, we're not responsible for whatever Milan does. Heath wants everyone to have a good time. I was out with Milan a week ago, and I was out with... I don't know if I've mentioned it to you guys before.

I know the guys from the Avalancers. And so I was... I know. I'm glad you guys are all sitting down for this but uh so it was me and tony from the ambulances and milan and i told tony all the stories about milan he's like i am keen to catch up with this guy milan this is going to be great okay um this should be fine three hours sample milan on a track yeah yeah just a nice little disco number with you're a fucking rat cunt just looped yeah if you hear prove it on a new dance track, that's him.

So then by three hours later, literally we got kicked out of Spleen, which is already crazy. Wow, okay. To get kicked out of a dive bar, we got kicked out of a dive bar because Milan had fucked him so bad that he tried to check in with a QR code

with his Spotify app. Okay. Wait, Milan tried to do that or Tony tried to do that? No, Tony tried to check in with a QR code with his Spotify app. Okay. Wait, Milan tried to do that or Tony tried to do that? No, Tony tried to do that. Okay, very nice. Yep, yep, yep. So we came down on the bus and we're very excited. We're there at Footscray Station

ready to take off and then a guy shows up. We have second Milan on the bus. These two people here who have been very active in the bus. And in fact, Milan made a t-shirt for the biggest dumb cunt on the bus and they have to wear it. And the second Milan has been wearing it for the entire trip. And then I find out, well, I mean, yeah, I mean, people can take my word for it. No one in the audience is going,

someone wearing a T-shirt sounds too good to be true. I'm going to need to see this with my own eyes. But then I find out halfway through the trip, these two people, Milan and the lady that you're with, they don't even listen to the show. They were coming along with a third party who booked the tickets for them, and then the third party pulled out. So now this guy gets on the bus and it's like,

you've got the same name as this cunt. Wear this shirt that says you're a dumb cunt. Yeah. And he's just been soaking it up the entire time, just loving it. What's wrong with someone that comes to a podcast that they've never listened to and then gets in a bus to fucking come here? What's wrong with you people?

I mean, I know we say that some of you people are all fucked, but this is your new king. He's more fucked than you and he hasn't even listened yet. This is your new champion. Worship at his altar. Worship at Milan 2's altar. People that listen

to this podcast and love it pulled out and these two cunts didn't. And he's loving it. He's loving it. He doesn't even know who we are. He's like, whoever these guys are, they've fucking got me. Yeah. Can't wait for these idiots to finish it.

I can get my palmer. Great. Great. What a great night. What a great night. All right. Fucking hell. Should we get some guests on?

Yeah, I guess we should. All right. Let's get our first guest out here. Please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Harley Bray. Alright Fucking hell Should we get some guests on? Yeah I guess we should Alright Let's get our first guest out here Please welcome back Into the little Dom Dom Club Harley Braid Hey Wow

Hello E.K. Yes Just before these two fuckheads talk All I can think about is, where's that gig that the soundy is at? What could it possibly be? It's definitely better than this. Four o'clock on a Saturday.

It is brutal. You get your show acts from Channel 10 and straight away your next gig's this. With more people than watched making it. So you're having your first beer of the day. You kept it very tidy on the bus.

Appreciate that. The professionalism. Very nice. I'm definitely sober. Also, no. Also, definitely cannabis

in my system. But that is... Okay. It's alright. It's alright. I mean, technically illegal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know, I'm okay.

First walk out of the day. Don't mind that. Fuck this. I'm going back to Melbourne. Yeah. I'd rather spend another hour and a half on the freeway than sit through 45 more minutes of this. I'm going to find the Andy Bax gig.

It's just always good to have national voters in every dum-dum gig. Yeah's just always good to have national voters in every Dum Dum gig. Is that the end? I'm ready to wrap. I'm fine to wrap it up. Josh, how many minutes have we got to go? I mean, how does this work anymore? I was thinking I haven't done a live gig for Dum Dum

for a long time and I was like, fuck, it's changed because the last time I did a live gig was in Maribor. Oh, yes. Very different. You know, when you guys were classy... You are the specialty Country Victoria podcast guest. Yes. And I'm very happy to be here. With the emphasis on cunt.

Yeah. It's good to be in the People's Republic of Country Victoria. Is this going to be as fun for you given that as far as as to my knowledge in this town there's not a ball pit that someone after the pod could get sucked off in Well if only that guest was on the show tonight

What's going on back here? Tommy like your mother used to say to me This would be good You don't get invited to ball pits you build them that's also a great reference to Lawrence Mooney R.I.P real shame

I think he's ok I think he's okay. I think he's okay. I think he'll be all right. He'll be all right. Yeah. Please stop recording what I'm saying. He's got a $2 million payout, but he hasn't got a gig in fucking Heathcote, has he?

No. Yeah. There you go. What do you think of Heathcote so far, Chandler? How does it compare to Maryborough? Oh, man. Honestly, I mean, I'm not bigging up Maryborough, but we don't have a pub as fucked as this, I'll be honest.

But I love this. That's why I picked it on purpose. I love this. Yeah, it's a good place. In every way. No, no, no, but this is, like I said, this is, like, close to... I love, like, lo-fi bullshit. You know, I've got a little problem.

They could have taken their Halloween decorations down, you know? It was months ago. That's actual cobwebs. All right, Carl, stop saying nasty things. Terry's walked in up the back of the room. Stop teeing off. Sorry, Tezza. Terry, the publican here, has helped the shit out of us.

Let's get a round of applause for Terry. Just for the listener, Terry has a moustache that you can cut cheese on. No, but we don't need a physical description of Terry because I think the word Terry says it all. Yeah, imagine Terry, you're correct. Yeah. What are you making of this so far, Tezza? Highlight of your life.

Highlight of your life. Never before has a more negative thing been said about Heathcote than this. After Terry said that, just remember what the lifeline number is, everyone. Hey, Milan, fuck off. This place has already run out of Melbourne bitter cans since we turned up. And I think Harley's the only person drinking them as well. I did warn Terry. I did warn Terry. We've set several house records around the world in terms

of alcohol consumption and it's pretty much the only gigs that Milan's been at. I hope you've stocked up a little. You what, sorry? You only had eight cans of Melbourne in there. Well, we still drank them all and that counts for something. But hey, no one else has drank all eight in of Melbourne in there. Well, we still drank them all, and that counts for something.

But, hey, no one else has drank all eight in one night like us, so... Single-handedly, this shit gig will improve the GDP of Heathcote. We do have a couple of Heathcote locals, don't we, in here? Do we have a couple of... Oh, yeah! We have a couple of Heathcote locals, don't we, in here? Do we have a couple of... Oh, yeah. We have a couple. They're sitting right up the back. Like, we come all the way to your town,

you couldn't even fucking get the front row, have you? Jesus Christ. You've been here for your whole life, but you couldn't sit in the front row. Well done. Hey, hey, hey. Hang on. What's happened?

That's my beer. Yeah. front row. Well done. Hang on. That's my beer. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday dear Viscard. I'm a fucking rat piece of shit. Steal your man's beer. So the salt... Sorry. So, the self... Sorry. Man, it's getting a bit messy. The self-professed...

Sorry, I just met Mr Melbourne. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I hope this isn't being recorded, actually. This would be better off. Man, a guy is now in the front row with white hair with a Vans T-shirt. I finally met Rad Dad. It is Rad Dad. Because, oh no, I didn't check my watch.

Is it Saturday? He's wearing steel caps. I mean, that's a Rad Dad. I like how you have a calendar as a watch, by the way. Yeah, yeah. But just to describe what just happened, this guy that self-professed most fuckedest man in the city just drank, just scalded my pint.

I can't believe I have to say this, but Milan, can you fucking get me a drink? And he's sitting up the front. He's not even apologetic. He's like, yeah, I fucking did. Yeah. Also, he's on our bus on the way home, so I hope someone's brought a mop.

Yeah, it's on his head. Oh, it's good to be back. This is fucking chaos. Jesus Christ. Hey, everybody, let's just take a moment to celebrate bullying. How good is it? Remember when we were doing Zoom for fucking six months? Yeah.

That was like test cricket. This is 2020. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. I'm going to be honest. The thing I missed the most was my mates telling me that I'm a piece of shit. I'm so glad to be back. You did leap at this opportunity to come down and get maggot on a bus.

I was on the bus a week ago. You are one of the rare guests that actually went, can I please come and do this? I'm like, is everything all right at home? The best is I genuinely begged and then two days later, Carl was like, oh, hey, so are you still cool to be on the bus? And I was like, for what? For the

gig that you put in your calendar. And I opened up my calendar and it said, the dum-dum dead shit bus tour. I'm like, oh yeah, I forgot about that. And then I said, actually, that's the worst decision. Can I please not be on the bus? Because I've seen your fan base.

Please put me in a car. And then that was how it was going to be until last night at about 10pm, I had three missed calls for Carl. And I was like, oh, fuck, I hope he's dead. And someone's calling you from his phone, just letting you know he's dead. If this is going to happen, I'm a sucked in idiot. I'm about to kill myself, I just thought I'd let you know.

If this is the first time your wife that no one knows the name of calls me, that would be the best. Anyway, I was like, mate, sorry, I'm out with people, I can't talk to you. He's like, so would you be happy to be on the bus? I'm like, well I guess that decision's been made.

So, anyway, here we are. I'm out with people as opposed to whatever you are fucking calling me up. Alright, should we get our second? No, you go. I was just going to say I think the audience got distracted by this fucking lunatic

that's in the front row at the moment. There's a scene going on in the front row. What's happening here? I don't know what's happening. Why is this person not in a seat? Milan wants a seat up the front. There's a scene right here, Milan, you fucking idiot. Who would have thought this gig would have gone off the rails so early?

I thought getting Milan on a bus and climbing a couple of slabs would have gone smoothly. Josh, how long have we got to go? Great. He's watching the cricket. Hey, Josh, just remember that killing is... Oh!

Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you Happy birthday dear nice child Happy birthday to you Happy birthday Alright so For people All right, so... I mean, why bother doing comedy when you can have the self-professed drunkest man in the room

have his chair collapse under him five minutes after he's made that statement. For people at home... What is the point of telling a story or doing a riff when that's going to happen in the room? For people at home, the guy that scalded my beer just fell off his chair and destroyed it. Calm as a bitch, you dumb cunt.

He didn't just fall off it. It broke underneath him. Terry, I'm so sorry. It's not normally like this. It's normally much worse. I'm so sorry. It's not normally like this. It's normally much worse. I'm so sorry. Terry, take it out of my palmer at the end of the gig. Oh, my God.

All right. Let's get our next guest out here. You know him from just his chair collapsing underneath him. Please welcome back into the Little Dungeon Club, Brett Blake. Oh, yeah. The king is back, yes Finally, some common sense up here

I know, but honestly, whose idea was it to give a dum-dum fan a plastic chair? What is the fucking weight loading on that shit? Jesus Christ He actually bowed me up at the bar and goes, man, me and you should go mountain biking sometimes. Like, brother, I don't think you're good on cardio. I had a great ride up here with a lot of you people, which was sick. I was on the Milan party bus. Yes.

A lot of people pulled out of the Milan party bus. And after being on the Milan party bus, I realised his dad should have pulled out 47 years ago. It was the worst experience of my life. That was a good lead up. There you go. Man, if you want to know what the Milan party bus was, can you imagine a guy yelling out,

do shots for two and a half hours? It's like, brother, write some new material. It's almost like a man who has a fucking mullet turning up with an esky with no fucking beer in it. It's as insane as that. I actually find that very funny for you roasting my hairstyle for a man who looks like he's permanently trying to obtain squatter's rights. Just remember who you're speaking to, cunt.

I will put you in the hole. Go back to Crafternoon, mate. No one gives a shit. Hey, mate in Australia, this is not potpourri, mate. It's comedy, so fuck off, yeah? Drink your mid-strength and bow back to fucking Queensland. Next. Man.

There's a reason why Ursula Carlson won't come back on this podcast. I think Brett technically owns this pub now. I think he... Of course I do. Terry! Terry's my dad! I fucked him. I think Blakey's name is now Terry. I think that's it.

Man, that was beautiful. The thing is, I screened that so loudly into that microphone. I think that's it. Man, that was beautiful. So the best thing is, like, I screamed that so loudly into that microphone. I know it was fine. It got through. Yeah. Because people at home will hear nothing and then laughter, and then hopefully that's okay. Mate, I love that.

I'm going to put my fourth child in you. It's funny because I put my third in you. Anyway, there's a reason why you laughed at me. It's a shame that Dastlo got first in with the introduction to you because I was going to say, you may know him from The Ball Pit. Here he is, Brett Blake. Joke's on you, mate. It was a slide.

I'm hoping to get sucked off in the chocolate factory after this gig. The best part was the sound tech actually slid onto me and he saw that. So technically it was a three-way, but I didn't enjoy it. I don't know what's happening anymore. Okay. We're a bit too far behind the curtain. Before we get carried away, I want this on record. Before we do.

I'm genuinely and have been for many years turned on by Brett Blake. Like, he is what it's all about. I mean, look at him. You think that's sexy? If there's a bloke in this room... Terry, is there a ball pit in here? Terry? You know where Terry is?

Terry's jacking off to the idea of Brett Blake. That's where he is. Because that's where you should be. There is like a 100 people in here and then there's two people in the bar that are just sitting here vaguely watching this going, this fucking sucks. My favourite guy, the guy who can hear it

but is actively staring at the TV to avoid eye contact with any form of it. No, no, no, there are people... I am talking directly to you, sir! There are people using this as the... You're wearing a man bun, I know you're from Byron! There are people using this as the commentary to the greyhounds out in the front bar. There are literally people in that bar saying,

this is the worst thing that's happened since the depression we had to have. There's a guy outside who, I know I shouldn't do this because he will kill me after the gig, but he had a shirt on that said, like, death is my coffin. And then his right hand was in a brace, and I was like, that guy definitely did a coward punch last night. And you don't speak about the mayor like that in a disrespectful way. Also,

I am joking, and that guy, if you're around, I am so sorry. I will literally take you to the ball pit, and I'll prove my worth sorry sir I can't wait till the second half of the show

when we loosen up a bit now that we've got a bit of momentum going just let the hand break off sorry the guy whose birthday he goes

does that mean you'll suck his cock yes that was implied you fucking moron god I hate people who like comedy do we honestly

you are the dumbest cunt says the guy with a tattoo on his arm that's on the back of his shirt which is where it should have stayed

has anyone ever seen a snake holding a fucking Uzi? Welcome to the Fight Club, motherfuckers. Fuck, I'm so turned on by you. I can't wait to see how my neck fat's going tomorrow. Is this the first gig we've done, Tommy, with a fucking... Sorry, we've had our second person fall off a chair. How many chairs have we broken? Let's start the official chair count.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're at two. I think we're at two. Where are you from? Heathcote, man. Oh, okay. He's off. The locals fucking done.

Heathcote's in. He can't get kicked out. Are you actually from Heathcote? Well, I live here. Are you from Heathcote? Well, I live here. Can those who are taking the record of this show note that the show dipped when we talked to the locals? This is on you guys from here on in.

We do have a... What do we call that machine? A skill tester. A skill tester. The chocolate factory. That is a sign of my lack of skill where I couldn't remember the word skill tester. Actually, I think it's showing your age where it wasn't like a wind and a turbine and a

fucking stick with a wheel. Yeah. The OG skill tester was like taking a harpoon into the river and catching a fucking fish out of it. I like how half of this panel have taken mushrooms, but the people in the front row are having a harder time. Hang on. What?

Wait. Hang on. what? Wait, half? Half means two out of four, right? So all three of us have said no which means you mean a quarter which is yourself. Did you take mushrooms before you came up here? No, I did not. You're at work at the moment, cunt.

How disrespectful to this great paying audience to take drugs. Exactly, what part of Dumb Dumb Club? Hang on, hang on, there's another cheat seat swap going on. Am I being disrespectful right now? What is happening? Now he's double stacked. He needs a reinforced seat.

I feel like people are frustrated here. I can't wait to hear from people at home. Fucking hell. My God. And someone's now pointing at me. All right. All right. So let's crack on with our third guest.

All right, guys. It's time to class it up a bit. It's time to level this gig out with a bit of respect, a bit of showmanship, someone who actually gets what's going on, please welcome back into the little Dunlop Club,

Oliver Clarke! Oh my God, it's been too long! What a treat! What a fucking treat! You have just absolutely blended in with the Heathcote

regulars here. I feel like I'm one of the crowd. You have just absolutely blended in with the Heathcote regulars here. I feel like I'm one of the crowd. You know what I mean? This is where I come from. I'm Palmer. I know I'm here every Thursday. You would have played the Heathcote Casino quite regularly, wouldn't you? Yes.

No, I do. Every Thursday I do the... What would be your opening track? What do you mean? For a song? For a song of the Heathcote. You're in the Heathcote right now. How would you open with those beautiful pipes?

Give me one of those numbers. One of those songs. It's a fantastic track. Heathcote is a wonderful town. You know that. I've talked about it many times here on the podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Too many times, to be honest.

I know I've really harped on too much. No, but keep going on. When I think of a song, the one song I can think of is My Way. Yeah. I love it here. How does that go? I love that out here. And to be honest, it's only because Terry keeps singing it to me.

When he runs his club. When you and Terry are together, he wants it his way. Is that what you're saying? Look, I can only ever put my penis up his arse. That's the real chocolate factory skill tester. That's a real test of skill. I did realise Terry is in the room this evening. But Terry's never heard you sing,

so what would that sound like? I just want you to display the beautiful pipes that you have. I love it more than life. Now your end is near And so I face my final foreskin. Okay. All right. My friends, I've set it clear.

I'll face my case right in the... Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, wonderful song. That was beautiful. Terry heard that, shook his head, then did a massive jizz. Can we get a round of applause for Terry over there? What a wonderful publican. What a man.

What a man. A wonderful man. And it's good to be back. And I remember last time I was on panel here, I was kind of on your end. Well, not in your end, but I was on your end. Bet you were.

What? Hey. Hey? What? Okay. So I was on, it was in Thailand. Oh, right. I remember that place. I've heard about this. Thailand. Thailand Koh Samui. Have you ever heard of it? Koh Samui. Thailand Koh Samui, not Thailand Sydney. Carl, Koh Samui. Have you ever heard of it? Koh Samui.

Thailand, Koh Samui, not Thailand, Sydney. Carl, have you heard of Thailand? Rings a bell. A rings a bell. Have you booked a trip back, by the way? I haven't yet. Have you heard of any other fucking country? Good.

But I was on your end there and it was a bit hard to get in on the action because you and Tommy were on that side and I was literally on the end here and I could not get a word in end wise. But it was probably my fault, to be honest. Man, I'll be honest, I've got a tip for you. It's called be funnier.

That's exactly what I was saying. Yes, exactly. Because you were there that time. Yes. I am a massive cunt. Oliver, you came up to me, you were in your civvy clothes on the bus and you came up to me about 15 minutes before the show started and you went, do you know where the dressing

room is here? It's the toot, cunt. Just briefly, could you describe what the great man, Oliver Clark's civvy clothes were on the bus? Black T-shirt, jeans and Birkenstocks. How dare you? I would never wear Birkenstocks, ever. I would never, ever wear Birkenstocks.

You know that, Brett Blake. The best part was, he goes, I removed my socks from my Birkenstocks because I knew you were coming. And I was like, mate, the fact that you keep the Birkenstocks on, there's a cow punch coming your way. Did you say coward punch or cow punch? They're two very different things. Honestly, at this stage, I don't know.

Do you listen to like, you go for a punch and go, moo. Well, let's be honest a coward punch is something that happens without you knowing but a cow punch is a proper fucking hoof.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just at the point of ejaculation to the buck of your head. Like that is Heathcote knows. Yeah? Yes.

I know, I know. Was that one of the challenges on Craftnoon? No, you're right. Welcome back to making it. Making it come, Australia. Making it come. I've put a pipe cleaner and little boogly eyes on the end of my dick.

Welcome back to making it come. Just as I finish this piece of decoupage, if you wouldn't mind punching me in the back of the head, that really gets me across the line. With craft. Harley, I in the back of the head, that really gets me across the line. With craft. Harley, I'm the head of Channel 10. We're changing it from making it to making it calm. We've changed it from Channel 10, 8.30 to SBS, 3.30am.

That's exactly it. I am ready. Honestly, at this stage, whoever's willing to pick it up. Make the human clag come out of my dick. You'll be surprised what I'll do if you'll pay my bills. I won't be surprised. You're doing this. Am I getting paid?

It's streaming live on MSN Messenger right now. It's pretty sick. Shout out to our bus driver. We did put a shout out. Well, I put a shout out on the podcast. Give it up to Justin. Yeah, Justin, who we just started calling him Bus on the bus. It's easier than remembering his name.

Someone, I think Milan early on just called him The Bus, and so we've been calling him The Bus. And weirdly enough, he's a fantastic man, but he looks like a bus. Yeah. Many openings. People keep wanting to get on him. We were trying to get him to get a tattoo of a bus on this trip if we paid for it, but he's not here. I think he actually demands a ticket when you get on.

Yeah. I did love that very early on. Tommy was very concerned that I was putting out a chat to the listeners to get them to drive here to, you know, be responsible. What the fuck is that music? What's going on? Sorry, my phone. I don't know if you've heard, but Carl's a father.

Is that friends? He's ignoring the phone call. It's an alert. I keep sitting on the security tag of my phone, even though my phone is in the same pocket. That's boring. You've got a security tag around your ankle. You want a house arrest? I feel like we're

getting confused. It could be your family phoning to see how you are. Because when you have children, that's what they do. Start from the start. It's a very good point. Back to normal. Reset. Reset. Reset. Reset from now. Oh, no, no. I will be leaving this stage in about a minute.

I am finished. So normal, no. I will be leaving this stage in about a minute. I am finished. So normal. No, I will say, thank you to Justin, because Tommy was very concerned. I feel like on the podcast, I was putting a shout out to people for randoms to drive us here. I did get multiple things from you that were like, we're going to fucking drive off a cliff. We're all dead. Yeah, that's good. I said, hey, the night is still young.

Don't forget, we've still got a drive back to do. Yeah, exactly. And you were saying you were going to get your own licence, you were going to drive the bus yourself, all this stuff. Yeah. Over the head of Justin, who drives semi-trailers that goes for 200 fucking metres, he's the most qualified cunt in the world, compared to Tommy Daslow, who drives a Kia. Hey, a Kia Sportage, that's a big car.

Do you actually have a Kia? Yeah, I've got a Sportage. Oh, fuck. A Kia Sportage. That is a Sportage from, like, 1999. That's fucked. Honestly. It's not a classic car.

The fact that Tommy was confident enough to take on a bus, and I don't want to judge people based on how they look, but if the bus driver could please stand up right now The bus! The bus! We can just have a look at Tommy. Tommy goes I don't know who this guy is

it would be safer in my hands no offence cunt, it's not an arcade machine, you know what I mean? No, it's the same shit. If you play Daytona you can fucking drive a bus cunt. It's not an arcade machine, you know what I mean? No, it's the same shit. If you play Daytona you can fucking drive a bus, cunt. No, our bus doesn't shoot out green shells that can knock out people behind us. You're just mad that there's no ball pit

in the back of the bus for you to get sucked off in, you fucking moron. Tommy's trying to turn off onto Rainbow Road and no one gets it, you know? I just want to say, I've made a lot of... Terry! Terry! Terry! Terry! I just want to say I've made a lot of I've made a Terry Terry Terry

Terry Terry Terry Terry hang on hang on Terry wants to speak everyone

everyone let him speak I'm actually now I'm actually now hoping this isn't recorded they're not from me they're not from Italy speak. I'm actually now hoping this isn't recorded. They're not from me. They're not from Italy. They're from the land.

Alright. If you insist, Terry. Just for the listener at home, if you wondered what that noise was, it wasn't Terry. It was his moustache. Well, I'd better drink this because it's going to help me drive the bus better on the way home. Welcome to 1988.

To being dead. Thank you, Terry. Thank you, Milan. Terry, another fucking round right now. No. Hey, Milan. Hey, Milan. Man, I've got to be honest. I've known you for Milan. Terry, another fucking round right now. No. Hey, Milan. Hey, Milan. Man, I've got to be honest.

Terry's amazing. I've known you for a long time, but I'm going to fuck your shit up. I'm going to fuck your shit up. You keep this behaviour going. I've got three kids now. Prove it. I will fucking prove it. That's what I'm saying.

This is not a threat. This is an ultimatum. If you continue your fucking bullshit behaviour, I will take you out there, I'll strip you naked, and I will fuck you in Heath, I'll strip you naked, and I will fuck you in Heathcote. That's what's going to happen. Why do we even... I don't know, you guys, I'm pretty hard right now.

Why do we even pretend that this is a comedy show anymore? This is just wrestling. If we just rebooted this and we come out in spandex and we're fucking doing suplexes on each other and shit, that is way more appropriate. Guys, thank God live entertainment is back. Man, honestly, Zoom was sick. The arts has been really hurting.

We need this. Yeah, we got a grant. We were nearly. We got a grant for this, so you're welcome. We didn't do that. What? You all right, dude? What's happening with this fucking disgusting fuck?

This is a bad gig. If we have to keep checking in on the audience every two seconds. He's on two chairs now. I've never seen a man more scared, even though he's got three chairs backing him up. Hey, how about this? Give up those skinny jeans. You're not 32, mate.

If you're that fucked, how about you sit up the back of the game? Oh, my God. God. Pardon? Yeah, we came from Melbourne. Yeah, we came from Melbourne. I don't know if you can tell, but we're artsy big city folk. Yeah, we came from Melbourne.

We brought you a present. It's called the virus. Huh? Yeah, do we have any drugs with us? We're going to have a float in Moomba in a month. Wear a... I love how a guy... Sorry, mate.

I love how a man who's like clearly 78 is roasting us and is wearing a van shirt. It's like, cunt, you've never done a kickflip in your life. You're wearing workers' boots. I reckon this guy is going to kill you, Brett. Mate, I would love for you to get home and get a skateboard out. If you can do a kickflip, I will suck your dick in the car. She's going to fuck you up right now.

She is going to fuck you up. now. She is going to fuck you up. I hope this is not recording for once. We cannot release this. I love, by the way, I love Brett Blake says you're clearly 78. Like, your perception of age is so fucked up. Wait, how old are you? 21. Is this your partner, by the way?

Is this your partner? Sorry, we've got a question for the audience. Sorry, sorry. Sorry for the lead star of Wolf Creek. He looks like he killed 17 people. Take it away, champ. Great. Oh, wow. Get a fucking skateboard and prove me wrong.

Yeah. I reckon in a year's time we'll be doing a podcast live in San Quentin, honestly. We're really building up to it. Honestly, we need a sound guy. I've been screaming into this mic a lot. Yes, I agree. I feel like I'm screaming. Do you need it up?

I'm going to turn it up. No, I don't think I need it up, I don't think I need it up. I don't think I need it up. All right. Oh, wait. Josh has got the... He's got the... He's on there.

Let's try and get this... You're on the recorded bit. Hey, Josh. Hey, Josh. Go fuck yourself. Good stuff. Come on, mate. Good stuff.

Well, to be honest, Josh was going to drive us home. I clearly misread the room. I'm sorry. All right. Is this the worst live podcast that's ever happened? It's very unfocused, but should we focus it?

I feel like I'm having an out-of-body experience. I feel like at the moment those people that say that they've woken up while they're having open-heart surgery and they're just looking down on themselves. Should we continue with the chaos or should we get a little bit more focused, do you think? Focus.

Chaos, you think? Focus. Focus, okay. Focus. Chaos, you want more chaos. This lady just looked around with shock on her face and went, chaos? Are you idiots? What else would you do? You know, to be honest, I feel like everyone who came up on the bus wants a chaos,

but everyone who came here for the podcast does not. Brother, you've got no opinion. We've created a schism. You're wearing three chairs. We've created a real schism. You've got a lot of shirts. How many shirts are you wearing? Fuck. Are you seriously stomping a can during a podcast?

I appreciate that. I appreciate it. I take it back. I'm scared. All right. So I can actually do a kickflip. Fuck off, local Tony Hawk. More like Tony Dog.

Jesus. No dogs. Bob Burnquist, fuck off, dickhead. He's pretty cool. I'm so sorry. No, he'll come back. He'll come back. He's actually pretty cool.

He'll come back. Is he going to come back? He's going to come back? He'll come back. He'll come back. He'll come back. Is he going to come back? He's going to come back? He'll come back. He'll come back. Maybe not. Honestly, I reckon this might get the most complaints ever. Boy, this really puts that Sydney show in July into perspective, doesn't it?

Fuck. Terry's coming back. This is like, imagine recording someone's party and then putting it out there and thousands of people listening to it. Honestly, I can't imagine why Ursula doesn't want to come back. I think if the drive home wasn't an hour and a half, we would have had an entire audience walk out by this point. Terry, please, we're not filming.

You can walk across. Terry. Terry. I just put... Hey, Terry. I just put Hey Terry He is very Milan is very annoying

Sorry about Milan There really is If we can get the audience To agree on a unified consensus Because some of you Look exhausted And then some of you Look like this is the best

Day of your life So it's like It's very hard It's too hard to judge What needs to happen at this point. Like, we've done this before and we can juggle pretty well, but this is a tough one. The only question I have is, when does the bus leave? Because, hey, do I need your car?

Can we say your house? What have you got? I came in a car a couple of times back in the 90s. Let's not talk about it. Fuck me. Comedy is back, baby! Alright, that's the most focus we're going to get, I think. Sorry, I was just possessed by Dave O'Neill.

I... Shout out to any poofs that are here tonight. So was there a point to this podcast today, by the way? Was there a point to this podcast for the last fucking decade? To be honest, I haven't really been part of it for a long time. And here we are now, and I'm going, why am I down here in Heathcote right now? Because we booked mates that we thought we could have a beer with

and have fun and fuck everyone else. Didn't you fuck that up? Guys, I've got to say to the audience, we're hanging a lot of shit on you, but there's no other room I'd rather be getting Omicron in right now. Honestly, like, something where I am definitely going to be doing a rapid test tomorrow morning. Oh, by the way, I tried to hit up the Heathcote, like, honestly. Something where I am definitely going to be doing a rapid test tomorrow morning. Oh, by the way, I tried

to hit up the Heathcote newspaper and they were like, no thanks. We've got a population of two and a half thousand and we'd rather not talk about you. Is it hot in here or am I going through menopause right now as a result of this show? By the look of your eyes, you're definitely going through menopause.

It's almost like we didn't have a plan and I just looked at Harley Brainy's got no shoes on. I don't have my shoes on. Well, you know what? I thought I was going to be up here for a fucking couple of minutes and then you cunts keep banging on. Like the Country Women's Association. I was like, take my shoes off.

And I've got fucking Cuban heels on. Oh, yes. That's how you come to a podcast. Yeah, no. Am I wrong? I tell you. It must be a bit weird to get in the middle of this podcast and go, I can't believe I dressed up for this.

It is true. It is true. And I can't believe I tried to squat and write this place for this. I'm going to tell this story and I don't even know if... You can edit it out, but I... Are you putting a... Are you putting a Blakey? I don't know what I'm pulling.

I mean, I've not missed an episode of yours. I'm up to date with everything you do. So, I smoke marijuana. I don't know if you've heard. And Brett Blake sends me a message going, hey man, you got any seeds? And I'm like, yeah man, I've got some seeds. And he's like, oh cool, can I get some?

And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I tell you what man, I'll germinate the seeds because they've been a bit problematic because they're just coming from some bush weed and I'll make sure they get up to some really healthy little seedlings and then I'll send them off to you. And then, sort of, it was a bit of a struggle at the start and then finally I got some really healthy little plants and I was like, hey man, the plants are ready. I'll send them off to you. And then, sort of, it was a bit of a struggle at the start, and then finally I got some really healthy little plants,

and I was like, hey, man, the plants are ready. I'll bring them around tomorrow. And he texts back going, hey, so, long story short, I bought a gun. And he's short. I said a gun! He's a short story. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Hang on, hang on.

I'm looking at... Remington 308, mother fucker. I'm looking at Blakey right now. Well, it's a fantastic razor. I love that. The Remington 308. Wonderful beard trimmer. It was that line in the message

that a good couple of minutes later, my four-year-old said, Dad, why are you so happy? Because I was still laughing I hadn't even read on because immediately I knew how fucking dumb he is that's brutal

your child going dad I've never seen you like this why are you happy puppy why does your mouth go up like that why are the tears but your mouth go up well that? Why are the tears? But your mouth go up. Well, look, son, it's a long set-up, but I was trying to buy drugs,

but then something even better happened. So, basically, the short story is, for those of you who don't know, when you buy a gun, you're a dumb cunt, and the police will do a spot check of your house anywhere in the period of the six months after you buy the gun. So growing cannabis is probably not a fucking good idea. Or don't organise your mate to fucking get you cannabis

and then buy a gun when you live in Richmond and there's no fucking reason to buy a gun. It's why do you have a gun, you fucking lunatic. Yeah, no, to be fair's why do you have a gun? It's one or the other. You fucking lunatic. Yeah, no. To be fair. Why do I have a gun? Have you just seen a crazy homeless man yell at me for the last 30 seconds? I'll give you a fucking 10 reasons.

Also, you don't know any of those facts besides I fucking told you. If you had a gun here right now, I'd still bash you. I would actually win in a fight. You were bigger than me. Who? Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

No. No, they're going to do it. They're going to do it. They're kissing. Oh, no. They're kissing. They're kissing. They're actually making out.

Why does Blakey need a gun? How dare you not suck me off in the ball pit? Brat, Oh, no. They're kissing. They're kissing. They're actually making out. Why does Blakey need a gun? How dare you not suck me off in the ball pit? Brat, brat, brat, brat. Man, I just saw Harley and Blakey make out. Now I need a gun. I want to end this. Are you talking about the podcast? Josh, how are we going there?

We're on the leave. Wrap it up. Sorry, has Terry got somewhere to go or something, does he? Well, the techie's going to be back soon to pick up his gear. We wouldn't want to keep him waiting. We don't want to be late for that anti-fax cunt. We wouldn't want to have him to accidentally earn any of those $500.

Fucking hell. What's going on? Please mind, will you go and play in front of a truck? Honestly, if anyone understands in this podcast, I fully respect you. We don't need help, cunt, alright? Just relax. We've been doing

relatively fine. It's genuinely weird that the country even lets you in. There's definitely something criminal about you we all know it's fucked you've done enough

war crimes you don't need to do another one oh my plants oh they're like they're yeah okay fuck I can't wait

for the listeners at home to be like can you guys get back on zoom please awkward fucking pauses. We're going to get so many comments this week, we miss Paul Foot. Ah, comedy.

Wait, did someone... Sorry, I missed that whole thing, to be honest. No, so did everyone. So someone wants to fuck Harley, is that the deal? I hope someone does. Oh, was that it? Although, to be honest with you, I've got three children. I'm happy for no one. You're already fucked.

Is that what you're saying? Okay. I'm happy to not be fucked forever. Are you going to get the snippet at any point? Sure. I mean, it seems like a commitment. Prove it. Prove it.

Do it tonight. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, what's this? Literally this morning as I was... Oh, your snippet's on. Sorry, Tony Dork wants to say something Tony Dork

So you say you want to snip it for him You can't snip it for him I love that Let's do it live on stage Get it out, Tony I love that this is the level of drunkenness Harley's at where you go Tony Dork and he cracks up.

He's like, we've said it five times. To be honest, it's quite a still killing. Carl? I'm not listening back to this. I'm just putting it up. Yeah. This can just fucking go out sight unseen. Yeah, who needs listeners?

People can just have it. They weren't here. People at home didn't make the commitment to driving an hour and a half out of Melbourne to fucking put up with whatever this is. Yes. Let's just put it out as a Patreon. We'll just get limo us this week or something.

Yeah, that would be worse. Who is here from Victoria, though? I don't even know Are there any Victorians in the house? Anyone from the world? Any Australians in? Does anyone have a mum? Don't make a mistake then

Let's shout out fucked up countries Serbia I feel like I did something very bad then Oh, let's shout out fucked up countries. Serbia. I feel like you did something very bad then, but I literally... Like, is there a New South Wales contingent here tonight? Is there? Or today? Oh, wow.

Oh. And they're not sitting with each other. Where are you from? Where are you from? Sorry. Griffith. Griffith. And you're from?

There's some good underworld activity in Griffith. Newcastle. Newcastle? There's some good underworld activity in Griffith. Newcastle. Newcastle. There's some thugs in Newcastle. Griffith, Newcastle. You can talk, run a business, make it happen. You'll do all right. Is that it?

Just Victoria and these two fuckheads. Is that it? Okay. Any Queenslanders? Any Queenslanders? Anyway, that feels like a natural conclusion to the podcast. We end with our good gear. Who's from where?

Okay, the end. So to circle back to what you asked before, Carl, should we try and focus on the last four minutes? There's a bag of ice. Oh, yeah. Fuck yeah. We've got to the end of the podcast and now we've got ice for the esky. Great.

Okay, well, that's perfect timing. Fuck yeah. We've got to the end of the podcast and now we've got ice for the esky. Great. Okay, well, that's perfect timing. Perfect timing. That'll be very useful once we abandon this stage and go to the bar instead. So, great. I feel like most of the guests and audience have been on ice for the entire gig, so it's nice for the esky to finally be getting in on the act. I mean, the benefit of the drug is that it's very cheap and it lasts a long time. Is that your phone still going, by the way?

No, come on, what's going on here? What's happening over here? Is that your lovely lady? No. Have you ever met your lovely lady before? Am I allowed to? No, no, no, it actually isn't. Are you weird?

It's just a security thing. Oh, right. So it's pretty much to say that anyone who is interested in Carl, please abstain tonight. No, it's actually... Taken mad. I'm sitting on my security tag and it keeps going off. Oh, wait, what's a security tag?

I think we can all agree that however we look at today, it's been a mistake. That's the one thing we can all agree that however we look at today, it's been a mistake. That's the one thing we can all come together and agree on. You can think it was a mistake because it went too hard or you can think it was a mistake because it didn't go hard enough. Either way, we can meet in the middle of that. I think round of applause

for Tommy Daslow in the editing suite this week. Oh, yeah. No, thank you, but I am doing fucking nothing. I am putting this up. This is our Beatles get back documentary where it's like, wow, that's how they come up with it. They just kind of fuck around and shit happens around them.

Oh, yeah, get shit. Get shit. Get shit and comedy because you're no good. Oh, I've got him. No more shots. The worst thing. The worst thing that's happened all day. You're a cunt. I'm in comedy.

I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm in. I'm not fucking around. Chanda was a man who had a wife and kid

But don't you say her name Boom You know that Hey mate, just so you know If you're going to drop off shots You can at least take the fucking empties Get back here I can't wait to listen back to this

To remember what I fucking did today to listen back to this to remember what I fucking did today. God, it's going to be good. You know the saying, we're not here to fuck spiders? I feel like for the first time in history that's exactly why we're all here. I have hosed out so many spiders up here today.

I actually want to suck on a spider. So many people think they can do open mic comedy because it's the worst thing I've ever seen. I feel like this is not a full show, to be honest. I feel like we need at least another hour on this. No. I've changed my mind. You know what?

Carl, I'm sorry. I've changed my mind. I hope that guy does drive the bus off a cliff on the way home. Now I want that to happen. No, you know what? Yeah, you can drive on the way home, I reckon. Yeah, we're safer with you. The bus, you rule.

Keep me safe. The bus. Keep me up with the bus. I feel like we'll get home. We'll keep doing this podcast. I feel like fate should decree that Tommy drives the bus, we end it here. When should we get started, by the way? And please, and very importantly, you're driving a bus that definitely has a father that has three children

and a father that may or may not acknowledge a child. So, keep us safe. That actually was the funniest thing. A guy yelled out, Oh, wife. And he's fallen off three chairs tonight. That is the best rose I've ever heard. All right, let's just... Look, I feel like we're going to do the same thing as this in the bar,

so let's just go and do that now and stop recording. Everyone just wants to hang out. All right, we wrap it up. Guys, thank you very much for coming down to Heathcote for whatever this was. Big apologies to wrap it up. Guys, thank you very much for coming down to Heathcote for whatever this was. Big apologies to all of you at home, but you got it for free and you put no time in, so fuck off.

Big round of applause, Brett Blake, Oliver Clark and Harley Breen. Round of applause for Josh on the sound. Round of applause for Justin driving the bus. Round of applause to Terry, the absolute fucking goat at the Union Club Hotel in Heathcote. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time.

See you, mate. See you, mate. See you, mate. Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. And they've done it again. Oh, have they? I don't know.

I can't remember. Did they do it again? Yeah. I think so. It was a big day. I don't know. It seemed like a fun We had fun We had a fun time

Hope it translates To you guys at home Feel free to absolutely Let some other podcast Know if you didn't like it Yeah I mean It was just a good Use of a time

To spend an entire day Recording an episode That I have strong feelings Will be one of the Least popular ones We've done all year Have you listened to it? Have you listened to any of it yet?

I've skimmed through it I've had a little listen back I haven't gone through And done the heavy lifting yet because I've had stuff on since we got back. But the main thing was I just listened through to make sure that it had actually recorded because as you- That's my main question. Right.

As you heard in the episode, we hired a tech who they do things differently up there. The fee that you pay covers setting the equipment up and then fucking off while the actual thing is on and then coming back to pack everything down. That's what George Martin did with the Beatles. He just opened the doors to Abbey Road, said, here you go, boys, jump in. Hit press and record at the same time whenever you want to let it be down. I heard he didn't even do that.

He just left the keys in a lockbox out the front, Airbnb style, and just sent them the combination to the lockbox yeah and then went good luck good luck in their boys and then went to a protest yeah send him yeah yeah send him the pdf of how the uh sound equipment works and uh off they went as george came in said what are you wearing that mask for you fucking cunt exactly it's all a conspiracy so anyone anyone who is maybe annoyed that the levels of the guests are not all consistent with each other, too bad. Nothing you can do about that when the guy whose equipment is has left the room and gone around the corner.

Hey, but at the very least, we got a discount on it. I mean, we were charged more than anyone in the city would charge us for some reason. So that was good. Yeah. And also, did we talk about this on the show? The fucking tech had a high-vis outfit on. Yeah.

Why the fuck did you have high-vis on? Yeah, yeah, yeah. In a tin shed. As long as you're not wearing all grey, you'll stand out. Don't worry. Yeah. And it's like, yeah, well, you're very visible. Guess what?

You're very invisible when you fuck off before the show even starts. I don't know if we really went into too much detail in the actual episode, but you had relayed to me at one point that the guy was saying he's got a mixing desk that can record direct onto USB, which is great. So I bring a USB up and I'm saying to him, oh, so yeah, here's the USB for recording onto it. He's like, no, I didn't bring that desk. Someone else has that. I'm like, oh, okay. He's yeah, he's the USB for recording onto it. And he's like, no, I didn't bring that desk. Someone else has that.

I'm like, oh, okay. He's like, Carl said you've got a Zoom recorder. I'm like, yeah, I mean, I do have that. So that's good. I'd rather you use your own shit. But sure. So, okay, well, here's how it works. I guess I'll hit record on it.

And then if you can just, like, keep an eye on it, and if anything goes wrong with it during the show, just need you to, like, signal to us so that we can stop because we need to get it recorded. And he's like, oh, I won't be here. I'm like, all right, well, so you haven't brought the recorder and you're not even going to be here watching the recorder. What is happening?

What is going on? Look, if you're thinking about going up into central Victoria and recording your own podcast or recording anything, hit us up. I'll let you know if you want it. The worst deal of all time, I'll let you know who to go to. But you know what I was thinking about, and it does make sense, because a guy like that in that part of the world,

what's he doing most of his time with his equipment? People are hiring it out for, like, 20 firsts, you know, for playing music through and doing speeches. Like when's he ever been hit up to like tech a live performance gig that he's had to, like how many of them are happening in Bendigo and surrounds, honestly? So it's like in his mind, it's like, yeah, I'm not hanging around for the fucking 20 first.

What am I doing sitting here and listening to your dad make a speech? Of course I'm leaving the venue while it's on. Sure, but I do think he's got... You should have the sort of malleable brain to realise that not everything is the same and not all gigs. Have you ever got to get booked for a gig where it's like, you know,

tonight you're going to have to do 30 minutes and you go, no, I always do 15, so I'm just going to get up and do 15 minutes because that's the gigs I always do. I mean, it does happen. You're on gigs where you say to people, do five, and they're like, well, I'm the great man. I'm always doing 15 minimum.

Yeah. Well, you're right. There are fuckheads everywhere, but they should know better. Yeah, right. I'm not defending him. I was thinking about it. It's like, how does this happen? And it's like, oh, yeah yeah by him just like yeah him never having done oh you know like a live performance of this pretty

explained to him like fucking hell like yeah him look him not getting it was just like oh okay there's been some crossed wires that here but then when he was gleefully telling us how well it's worked out for him because he's able to go and set up another gig around the corner in the exact time frame that we need him, that's what really annoyed me. Him being like, it's actually with a big smile on his face like, oh, this has actually worked out great. It's like, oh, has it?

That's good. Well, that's the thing. When I talked to him on the phone to book it, I was like, and he starts talking about that, you know, the whole like, you know, stuff about the virus and I was like, oh, I'm really going to have to

fucking block this out because this is my only option and I was thinking, you know, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt like he's just had, maybe he's had one little bad experience or something like that.

He sounds like he could be and then when I saw him, I'm like, nah, this is exactly the sort of guy that would believe all this stuff. he's got the high-vis on. He probably hasn't changed or showered since the protests a couple of months ago.

Just had that look. He was walking over the West Gate. Just had that look about him like he's been to a couple of protests. He was one of those guys in that viral video that were doing coke. Did you see that? In the kind of little, what would you call it, alleyway next to where all the people were marching. He's having a big protest up in Bendigo at the Chinese Dragon Parade. Everyone's doing that for New Year and he's jumping in there going,

yeah, that's right, take the fucking mask off the dragon. Just have people walking down the street without the fucking dragon mask on. Just waving their arms around. There's no virus. Yep. But, yeah, look, we do. I strongly suspected that we would not have any file recorded when we got back. But, yeah, we've got it.

But please don't complain about some people being softer in the mix than others because there's, you know, well, there's no one there. He just set the mics all to the same level. And it's like people don't all talk at the exact same volume. So yeah, that's kind of why you need to be there. Riding the slider. Yeah. Great.

All right. Well, you know, next time we do the – when we launch our Heathcote Podcast Festival, we'll have to get someone else up there. But look, let's not dwell on the negative of the tech. We need to thank some people involved in the show, everyone who came down on the bus. Thank you for coming along. And to Justin, who drove the bus for us.

Yes. Great guy. Absolutely. Listen to Justin, who was a very experienced bus and road train driver, which I was very confused by. I kept saying road train. I'm like, oh, so a train. He's like, no, not a train.

I'm like, okay. I was just repeating what you said to me. So a bus. Yeah. So a bus. A big bus. The train of the road. The bus.

So he was excellent to deal with. And you made fun of me for wanting to drive the bus at one point myself in the episode. And then I guess we'll get into this at a later date. But the next day, we had to take the bus back. And I got behind the wheel. No offense, Justin. Pretty easy. Not that difficult.

I reckon I could have done it even without the license. What about a road train? Well, I mean, yeah. Look, if we're ever going to do a gig where we get a road train up there, then maybe I can look into getting that license. If we want to go to Eastgate next time and bring like 70 people next time. Yeah. I kind of am surprised after getting in it that it does need its own specialized license.

Yeah. Because it didn't feel – I thought, well, this is just going to feel completely different to drive. Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't want to like do a fucking reverse park in it. That would fuck me. But just getting in it and going on the freeway I can't fucking handle that yeah oh yeah

once you got it started the hardest part was just opening the automatic door yeah and putting up with the stench from the night before

well yeah we'll get into it we'll get into it yeah anyway yeah thank you and thank you to Terry up at the

the Union Hotel in Heathcote and the and the city the city owners who come along at the end and were very happy to have a chat.

Oh, right, right, right. But just weren't in time to come and see the show. Very happy to come up and count the till. Convenient. Very convenient. Didn't get there in time

for the show. They played that perfectly. Yeah. So, no, but go and if you're anywhere near the area, Union Hotel in Heathcote. Good food in there too. Good pub. And good, put it this way, so Milan, obviously, you'll anywhere near the area, Union Hotel in Heathcote. Good food in there too.

Good pub. And good – put it this way. So Milan, obviously, you'll listen to the episode. Milan's involved. He was like – afterwards he was like, yeah, that was great. Usually when I'm like going insane and shouting drinks for everyone in the city, it's like I'm – you know, the banker ringing me the next day. But yeah, no, I shouted everyone and it wasn't too much of a dent in my bank account the

next day. Oh, because of like cheaper beers. Yeah. So yeah, if you've ever decided to go insane and shout an entire pub. Yep. Shout the Heathcote Union Hotel Pub. Yep. It's a nice drive up there too.

Nice and scenic. We stopped in Kilmore on the way and I forget the name of the place that we went in Kilmore. Lucky Sam's Chinese restaurant is attached to it. Yes. And on the menu at the Chinese restaurant, they had a porterhouse steak. I did, hey. And the locals in that pub looked like they wanted to bash us all. Yes.

That was when we first filtered in. We did a bit of a piss stop and got a beer halfway to Heathcote and we got in there and they did – it was like a bit of an OK Corral sort of thing where the weird locals turn around and go, who the fuck are these people? And then they see that there's like 25 of us and went, okay, well, we can't do anything about this.

We're outnumbered. It was pretty funny. There were like probably three to four people in there when we got there who were just all kind of sitting there looking at us to four people in there when we got there who were just all kind of sitting there looking at us while we were in there going, what the fuck is these people's problem? This is probably at about what, like 1.30 in the afternoon or something. Then when we're driving back, probably around like 9.30 or so, I was joking like, oh, we

should stop off at the same pub again. I wonder if the same people are in there. And as we drive past, Justin looks in the window and goes, yep, all the same people. Really? Sitting in the exact same spots from eight hours ago. Great. Waiting for us to get back.

That's the life. There was a big... Did we talk about this on the show, the shots sign? Oh, yeah, there was a sign that... Did we? I think maybe we did. There was a big sign that said no shots. Yeah.

And Milan talked them around. Within five minutes. It was like a big sign saying no shots shots Yeah And Milan talked them around Within five minutes It was like a big sign saying no shots Don't ask It'll offend Within five minutes He's got the old cranky bartender lady Eating out of his hand

Yeah Which is a funny It's a funny rule to have Like I understand like Venues in the city might do it to discourage Like they don't want pub crawls, they don't want like box parties and that kind of shit. So it's to discourage kind of groups like that coming in.

But is that much of a risk in the fucking TAB venue in the middle of the street in Kilmore next to Lucky Sam's Chinese restaurant? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are people having a fireball to go down with their traditional Chinese porterhouse steak? No, totally. How much tequila is being ordered off the back of fucking Maybe Lady, number three,

at the Dishlickers in fucking, you know, Wentworth Park or fucking whatever. It is, I mean, it is funny too when you see that sign and then it's right next to this just like shelf of all these spirits. And it's like, well, it might be small, but you're getting through them. Yeah. It's helping you get through those spirits. I would have thought. You can't just buy all these spirits and then just hold out for people to be getting a fucking,

yeah, tequila and soda water. There must be a story. There must be like the day it happened. There must have been something super fucked happened. Yeah. Well, you know. Well, maybe. You know what?

Maybe it's because of exactly this. Maybe you put that up there and everyone goes, no, I want to be the guy that gets shot. Yeah, maybe. Maybe that's happening every day. Milan thinks I'm the one that broke them. Yeah. No, everyone comes in and goes, I'm going to make them get shot. That's to make it more desirable. Yeah, that's a good point.

Well, there'll probably be someone who like lives in the area or has seen a similar thing happen in a pub, in a country pub before who can let us know what the deal is, why you might put that up. But yes, thank you. Thank you for coming along. If you were listening at home and you made it through the previous hour, thank you.

Thank you for your dedication and patience. Yeah. So look, we might talk a little bit more next week about the events. But anyway, very, very briefly, if you're listening to this hot off the press, this Sunday, we're doing a quick little live version of what we're doing right now, Talking Dum Dum. Yep. On the 19th of December, we're doing it at the Catfish Bar in Fitzroy, Melbourne at four o'clock.

We are doing a live recorded one of these just to say thank you to the Catfish. Remember a few weeks ago when Melbourne were in lockdown, we had a broadcasting rule. We were able to go in there and use that pub to record a few podcasts. Very lovely of them to do that. So we thought we'd say thanks. There's a few tickets left. Basically, it's basically a free gig. It's $12 to get in, but you get a free pint with it that you're buying off the pub.

So, yeah, come in. That's nearly full now. If you want to come in and hear this recorded plus a little bit of stand-up afterwards. Yeah. Going to trial some stuff. Yeah. Have one or two friends of the show come and trial some stuff. So, yeah, this with a guest live and then a bit of a fuck-around stand-up show afterwards

on a Sunday afternoon at a great pub. What could be better? Yes. Also, what we haven't talked about on the show before, something we'll put out during the week, not super publicly, but we do have the 500th – well, you know, there's a few tickets left for the 500th episode live on Saturday, January the 15th at 8.30 at the Athenaeum Hotel.

Athenaeum Theatre, sorry, it's finally happening. The Athenaeum Hotel. Well, you can stay there if you want. As long as they don't see you there. That is a guy who is not ready to be performing in a theatre. Just thinks every venue is a hotel. Well, yeah, I'm still stuck in Heathcote mentally. The Athenaeum Bar and Grill, guys.

We'll be up there. I'm going to sleep there and make it a hotel. Yeah. Yeah. So, there's a few tickets left for that. It's going to be quite a night, as we've talked about for a long time. Maybe two years on this show now. But there is an official after party after it.

It is on sale. It's on our website right now. It's going to be a heap of fun. And it's straight after at 11 o'clock at night. It's up at the European Beer Cafe. A few little very tasty surprises happening up there. So if you know that you're going to go there, have a couple of drinks and have a lot of fun and you want to kick on afterwards with us and friends of the show

and other people you've been sitting next to for an hour and a half or so, come up and be part of that. That will be a super fun little piece of business happening. Yeah, get onto it. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for all those tickets. That is also the website where you can find the link to our Patreon where you can get on there, support the show. It's very much

appreciated by us and to say thank you we give you two bonus mini episodes a week. Always lots of fun on those. If you've been on our socials you will have seen the kinds of great guests that we have on there. Lots of friends of the show regularly popping in. They're extra loose so they are well worth your

investment but just in case that isn't enough for you, you also go into the drawer to get your name read out on the back end of an episode of The Little Dum Dum Club. And a lot of respect attached to it. So, yeah, let's do this. We're actually recording a bonus episode very soon, so let's get

this done so we can get contenting with the bonus eps. Let's hit the big UTA unplanned title alternator. Big red button. Let's get the first cab off the rank. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Richard Markavicious. Okay.

M-A-R-K-E-V-I-C-I-U-S. Markavicious. Okay. Markavicious. Okay. Markavicious. Dickie Mark. Dickie. Richard Mark. Mark.

Markavicious. Yep. Markavicious. Markavicious. Markavicious. Markavicious? I don't know. Tough.

A tough one. Surely this guy is like, you know like the immigrants of the early part of last century where Greeks would come in and be like, oh, they've come in with my name that's got like 17 letters on each name and then they go, no, my name's Bill. I'm going to open up a fish shop. So maybe this guy, look, we're still struggling with his name. His name used to be Longer.

No, this is catchy now. But if I was this guy, I'd just be at school going, yeah, my name's Richard Marks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I mean, that is pretty common. If you just get rid of... You've got a clean, like, chop at the end.

It starts with an M-A-R-K, ends with an S. Just get rid of the letters in between. You're Richard Marks. What's his song? What does he sing again? Richard Marks? I don't know. I get rid of the letters in between. You're Richard Marks. Mm-hmm. Yeah. What's his song? What does he sing again? Richard Marks? I don't know. I don't even know who it is.

Don't you know who Richard Marks is? No. I know A. Richard Marks. No, no, not that one. Which is what I thought you were referencing. No, no, no, no. You don't know the singer Richard Marks. No, sing me one of his songs.

Maybe I do, but... Well, I can't do that given by the question I've said, what's one of his songs? All right, well, look, you and I are meeting in the middle. I don't know who he is. You don't know the song. Between us, we know 100% of fuck all. Richard Marks, here we go.

Look, I'll educate you on Richard Marks. Okay. He is an adult contemporary pop rock singer and songwriter. He sold over 30 million albums worldwide. He's the only male artist in history to have his first seven singles reach the top five in the Billboard charts. And has scored a total of

14 number one singles both as a performer and a singer songwriter. And a songwriter producer I should say. Okay. So there you go. Right Here Waiting. Do you know that song? Oh yeah. Yeah, that's him. Is that, wherever you go wherever I will be. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's him. Is that... Wherever you go, wherever I will be. Yeah, okay.

Yeah, that's him. Hold On To The Nights, which I don't know. Don't know that one. Endless Summer Nights, which I don't know. Don't know that one. Is there any other night-related songs? I don't know. Yeah, now that I've mentioned it, I'm like, oh, this guy's a legend.

This guy, everyone knows him. And it's like, I know one of his songs. Yeah. I don't know these other fucking songs and the song that it's like i would imagine most people who know that song the one i sang before would would know the song but would not be able to if you just sang it to them and said who sings this i would imagine most people don't know who the singer is yeah i i agree um he is also what's it say here? He is

Related to another performer called Dick Marks Which is That's him Yeah, that's you Is that like his alter ego? Yeah, maybe That's like the evil version of him Except his alter ego is dead

Okay Well, yeah, he got sick of Oh, it's his son Oh, okay Yeah, Richard Marks is his son. So his dad's name is Dick Marks and so his son's name is Richard Marks. Okay. So we should now know Richard Marks, the performer.

You know, the guy that you've never heard of two minutes ago. Stop everything you thought about him. Yep. Stop thinking his name's Richard Marks and just in your head call him Dickie Marks II. Okay, right. Yeah, that makes a lot more sense. So there's no other hit songs listed there that I might know? Right here.

Now and Forever, Hazard, At the Beginning. He's also written, collaborated on songs with other artists such as This I Promise You by NSYNC. Okay. And Dance With My Father by Luther Vandross. Okay. All right. My Father by Luther Vandross. Okay. So. I'm looking him up. I'm going on Apple Music

and seeing what I can find. Greatest hits album, Richard Marks. Oh yeah. That's a good idea. And Summer Nights. How does that go? Oh.

Do I know this song? This is classic. Oh yeah, I know this song. This era production. I just didn't know this was the name of it. Of course I know this. I've never heard this before in my life. You haven't.

Let it go for a minute. I mean, I like it, but... Oh, you've got to get on the AM radio, mate. Yeah, I really do. Yeah, I know this song. I'm crazy. No, I've never heard this before in my life. Yeah, I know this song. I'm crazy. No, I've never heard this before in my life. You've never heard this song?

Nope. Wow. What's got the star next to it on here? Has it? I'm saying it now. Never heard this song. I love this production. I'm saving this album.

Richard Marks' greatest hits. I'm getting into Richard Marks. All right. I'm going to become. Never heard this song. I love this production. I'm saving this album. Richard Marks' greatest hits. I'm going to get in. I'm getting into Richard Marks. All right. I'm going to become a Marks head. I'm going to become a Marxist. Yeah, get into Marxism. All right.

Well, thanks, Richie. Get under the bed and listen to him. Yeah, thanks, Marksy. Thanks, Dickie Marks III, I presume. Yeah. I presume he's the son of Richard Marks. He could just be the actual guy. Yeah, he could be.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber, second cab off the rank this week, Nick Rands. Nick Rands. R-A-N-D-S. Rands. Rands. Rands. Rands.

That's fucking terrible. It's not great. That's a, you're having to spell that every time. That D is getting absolutely lost. Yes. Yeah, I could feel it being lost out of my mouth. Much like me having sex with a 300 kilogram woman. The D is getting lost.

One of these, the air. with a 300 kilogram woman. The D is getting lost. I wonder if he's the heir, half the heir to the Rand McNally fortune. Maybe. Yeah. Could be. This Nicky boy here is getting, is siphoning the money off of the family fortune from the atlases they might know?

Encyclopedias? Was that Rand McNally? Good question. I think that was it. So if he's Rand's, is that maybe the plural of Rand McNally? You know, like attorneys general? Rand's McNally? It's...

Yeah, it's... Rand. American technology and publishing company that provides mapping software and hardware for the consumer, electronics, commercial transportation and education markets. Okay. The first thing that came up when I Googled it is a clip from The Simpsons where they talk about Rand McNally. Oh, okay.

It's a, it's a, oh, isn't it like they spin the globe? Oh, yeah. And they're trying to work out where Australia is and then it's got like the Rand McNally logo and they're like, what's this, what's this country? Right. Funny shit. That's funny. Funny shit. That's funny. Funny shit.

You know what? I don't think I've ever watched that Simpsons episode when they come to Australia again. And I think it's now, like at the time. Since it was first broadcast. Yes. Honestly. I do remember it being a fucking big event. Yes.

It was the talk of the schoolyard at the time, like, I can't believe this. I can't believe we're going to be in the Simpsons. Right. And then watching it and being like, what the fuck is this? is this yes i agree we just get absolutely trashed yes we're all so excited at school like oh my god what do you think they're gonna say genuinely because i was like in grade three at the time so genuinely all being dumb enough to think that yeah and then just being at school the next day just despondent yes wow and it's like you know you've never traveled or anything yet at that age and you don't you know you don't have the internet so you don't really

have much of like a global idea of you know things yes and then just coming to school and going are we living in a fuck whole country yeah yeah full of idiots that everyone hates yeah is that us man i yeah so i would have been still at school to some degree and i remember you know everyone loves the simpsons the best show of all time, all that stuff. But I do remember watching it going, ah, fuck this. Yeah. So I think I've never watched it since just because I've been, like, you know, scarred by it to some degree.

I've watched it since and it's funny. It holds up. I know. Well, that's the thing. I should go back and watch it because I do – since then, I remember thinking, fuck that episode. I'm never watching that again. And then having – since and then having since then people like oh that's now a classic that's a classic yeah yeah it is funny though it's like when you think about it like

them in the writer's room at the time going like what if we just do this episode where we shit all over australia it's like why like what was there like one of the writers like went and had like a bad experience here or something? I'd love to know the genesis. I should listen to the commentary, actually, on the DVD. Because, like, what's the, because it's also, it's, like, they make the, the whole point is, like, the Simpson family are, like, they come in and they're just, like, complete cunts and they get kicked out of the country. But they also do have some, like, they just make us out to be a country of fucking dimwits. I do.

And, like, yeah, what's the, who's kicking around the writer's room? Of all the countries, like. They do have some like – they just make us out to be a country of fucking dimwits. I do. And like, yeah, what's the – who's kicking around the writer's room of all the countries? No, I do find that funny because it's like, you know, from the outside looking in, I would say the majority of people from around the world would say Australia, predominantly white country. So you get to kick off. Right. I don't think – you know, did the Simpsons ever go to Nigeria and they go, all right, let's pull out a bit of ooga booga gear?

No, probably not. Well, years later they went to Japan and it's a lot of like, oh, the toilet talks to you, which is like kind of, like at least as bad. Like Japan has so many good things going about it, but it's like it's that classic thing where it's like, oh, yeah, did you buy some underpants out of a vending machine? They kind of copped it to the same extent.

But many, many years later where it's like you could argue it's worse because there's meant to be an increasing level of like social conscience about that stuff where it's like you can't just go. Check out these fuckwits on the other side of the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's it. Even back then I was like, oh, no, look, I should go back and have a watch because if people think it's good, then I'll have a look. It's pretty funny. The Prime Minister being naked in a fucking dam in a little inner tube is pretty funny.

Right, right, right. Because even back then, you had that thing in comedy where even as a kid, you know what's lazy and what's not. And I'm like, oh, man, you can't just go to Australia. It's like, oh, the fucking queen of australia is taking having a wank in a kangaroo's pouch yeah yeah yeah come on guys there's a bit of crocodile dundee in there that's a bit lazy but like yeah all the rest of it is pretty funny because it's like them you know bart fucks up and then they want to like give him capital they want to like

you know like the big boot where they want to like kick the shit out of him in parliament. And it's like, which again is like, well, you know, it's like, yeah, convict nation.

It's like, yeah, I guess that is like pretty funny to go. Yeah. That's how they deal with their problems. I just fucking bash someone in public. Yeah. Yeah.

And then as long as it's original, that's funny. That's a funny idea. Yeah. But yeah. And again, like, you know,

like you say about Japan where it's like, oh, the fucking, the underwear or whatever. It's like, well, it is a cartoon and it is a comedy. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Japan where it's like, oh, the fucking underwear or whatever. It's like, well, it is a cartoon and it is a comedy. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You can't just go, okay, well, here's a realistic look at these countries. But it's like I remember – I don't know if they were like exactly week after, like week to week, but like for the sake of my memory, let's just say the week before the episode where Homer goes to space.

And the next day at school, everyone is just riding high going, oh, my God, that was so funny. And like quoting all the bits of him like eating the chips when the ants are flying around. Everyone's just like, oh, Homer in space, how fucking funny is it? This is the best show of all time. And then a week later, we're all just despondent like, oh, this thing that we loved and it really made a lot of fun of us.

Yeah. Fuck this show. We found out that Pamela Anderson's been telling people that I've got a small dick. Right, exactly. Yeah. Well, thanks. I don't know. Who was that?

Homer Simpson? Matt Groening? Barry McKenzie? No. Nick Ranz. But, I mean, that's it. It's like we, you know, at the time we're like, oh, this is devastating. When it's like, you know, have we known?

Well, the guy who created this show is like clocking up the miles on the Lolita Express. It's like, who gives a fuck what he thinks of our country? Yeah. Getting foot massages from a 12-year-old boy. Yeah. And you're going to tell us we're backwards and fucked? Oh, yeah.

Go off, King. Yeah, let's do a cartoon about him. Let's get him back. That would be such a King move if, like, Family Guy or something did an ep of Matt Crane on the Loyal Leader Express and they just fucking go off on him. Take that. He's getting a big boot up the ass from a young girl in a dam.

Yeah. Thanks, Nicky Ranz. Thanks for your globe cash. Yeah. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Tom Christensen. Yeah. Okay. Yes.

Okay. Will you allow that? Christian's son. Christensen. Christian. Okay. Yes. Okay. Hmm. Will you allow that? Christian's son. Christian's son. Christian's son. Christian's son. Christian's son. So everything you were going to play with, it's not there.

No, thank you. Christian. Yeah, okay, thank you. There's no son. There's stuff that I was going to play with that wasn't even that good. No. I can't even tell that. Thank you, sir.

Yeah, yeah. I'll slap you down before you start some pretty average gear. Well, what have you got then? Have it your way. Well, his name's Tom, just like you. That's me. He's you. That's okay.

All right. This is actually you. All right, I'm coming around. I'm coming around. If you abbreviate his name, he could be Tom. Tom Christ. Yeah. He would go by Tom Christ.

That's pretty good. Yeah. What if your name was Tommy Christ? That's good. That's not bad. Yeah. Extend your first name. Abbreviate your last name. My name by Tommy Christ. That's pretty good. What if your name was Tommy Christ? That's good. That's not bad. Yeah. Extend your first name. Abbreviate your last name.

My name's Tommy Christ. The name's Christ. Tommy Christ. For having a stage name, it'd be like you meet me and you're like, Tommy Christ, wow, weird name. And then you find out it's not even my real name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck me.

This guy is just using the last name Christ as a stage name. Yeah. That is insane. That's, it's pretty funny. Like there's no one using, it is funny because it's completely at the other end of the scales. There's no one walking around these days with the last name Hitler. There's like, well, you can't use that. Also, no one's walking around with the last name Christ.

Yeah, and why not? It's good. Yeah. A lot of people using the name Jesus over in other countries. Yep., no one's walking around with the last name Christ. Yeah, and why not? It's good. A lot of people are using the name Jesus over in other countries. Yep. But no one's going with Christ, which I think is a little bit overlooked. Yeah. Hmm.

Is it allowed? Is it? I mean, that's like if you just called your kid God. Yeah. Is it allowed? What do you think the blowback would be? Fuck. That's a great idea.

It's more just like that is, again, it's like the effect on you as the parent is nothing compared to the kid for the rest of its life. Like surely as soon as they turn 18, they're like, fuck this, and getting it changed. There's no way you're living your entire adult life going, can I just get a name for that coffee order? Yeah, no worries. God.

And also I like your idea of like as soon as I turn 18, I'm getting this change. And like the thought of the parents saying to the kid at 16, 17, no. Yeah. You can't change it yet. Well, I don't think you can. You still have to be God. I think you do have to be 18.

I think. I also do like the kids going, I want to change my name. And it's like, no, God, you're not allowed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, look, maybe it would go the other way where they'd just be into it and just be a fucking nightmare human being. I mean, I'm going through a time right now where my kid is kicking off and getting old enough to, you know.

They say the terrible twos is a bit of that business happening. I'll tell you what wouldn't help the situation if her name was God. I think that would only make her kick off more. So you think that at two she has a concept of the divine creator and is capable of the logical thought of putting it together and going, that's me. She's learning quick. Right, okay.

She's picking up things really quickly at the moment. I think she picked that up pretty quick. But you don't even need that Because at that age You are God Yeah When you're the When you're the like When there's

When it's you In a house Yeah And you know I think You know You have to like You have to cut them off at some point

Like you have to Like kids when they're really young And they'll like scream and cry and kick off It's like all hands on deck So you are getting what you want At a certain point you have to stop that. But there is like- I'm enjoying getting parenting tips from Tommy Dazzler.

I'm not saying they're tips. I'm writing it down. Is any of this wrong? But there is a point in your life where you're a little child where anything you say goes. Like, yeah, when you're a child, like when you're a baby, you're screaming. People are running and it's all hands on deck.

So you are God. In your head, in your limited concept of the world, you are a God. Yeah. I make a scene and things around me change. Yeah. These people over there, they're doing something. I make a noise. Guess what?

They're coming over and doing what I say. I guess I get to shit wherever I want. Yeah, exactly. Who else gets to do that? Yeah. Is that an inaccurate representation of what it's like to be a baby? Yeah, a little bit. I'm not even coming at this from the concept of parenting.

I'm coming at this from the point of view of my own lived experience of having at one time been a baby. Right, yeah. I mean, if you're God, I'd like to think I'd be sucking the boob of someone I wasn't related to. Like, you could pick someone else. Yeah. I mean, that's just one little thing that comes to mind.

That's true. Yeah. So, it's not an almighty God, maybe. Maybe a God. Well, but it's like... Not the God. Yeah, but you could extrapolate it and go, I need nutrients. And then this person just has to fucking whip their clothes off and sacrifice their body for the good of me getting nutrients.

I mean, that is power. Yeah. I have complete control over this person. Doesn't matter if they're out and about in public. Guess what? You're getting them out because I need a feed. Yeah. I mean, I'm enjoying my – this is what my child does at the moment is she's

I think she's reasonably tall for age anyway she knows how to fucking high jump the cot and so she just waltzes in in the morning

to our bedroom just like it'll get to like six o'clock or five thirty or whatever and the door will just dramatically

slam open yep and then she just walks in going what's happening you know and we're like we're asleep yeah it's funny to remember that age where you're like first thing up in the morning go jump on mom and dad's bed yeah wake them up see what's going on yeah it's like fucking hell you couldn't pay me to go into my parents bedroom now yeah yeah no absolutely there's been very

funny lately. So she just comes first thing in the morning. The door opens. She's letting herself out of bed. It's like, this shouldn't be happening. Yeah. You need to make the cot higher. I know.

Make the fence. Mod the fence. Don't worry. What a rude awakening one day. You get up and you're just like, it's too tall to scale. And it's electrified. Yeah, there's barbed wire at the top of it. There's barbed wire at the top of your baby's cot.

It's like the pen in Jurassic Park. It's just fucking massive and electrified. Yeah. Yeah. It was very funny. I really enjoyed it. It was like yesterday or the day before. So she comes in.

She's usually crying for mum or whatever. But then the other day, she actually had a really good sleep. So she did the same thing except the door comes in, dramatically opens, then she walks in. I just looked at her and she just walked in, just had a look around, looked to each side of the room and then went, all right, and then just walked out. Okay. That's good.

That's the first step to just – Just checking it out and then went, no, everything seems to be in order in here. I don't need my help in here. Just walk back out again. What is the age where a child starts to hate their parents? Like in terms of, is there like a... As soon as it hits teens, surely. You don't think even maybe before that?

I don't think so. I mean, teens definitely, but there's probably you start to get, you know, the tremors around 10 where it's like the first time that like, you know, because, yeah, you go from what they're like, they just want you all the time to like a certain point there's like a shift where it's like actually these people suck and they're lame. Yeah, but I think that's teens. I think that's like teens means you've got –

you think you've got enough about you to be able to do everything yourself. I don't think you've got that in you at nine or ten. Yeah. I don't think. I think. I might be wrong. And also that's when the hormones kick in and you know everything and all that sort of shit. Yeah.

Yeah. Look, having a child, I don't want to fucking get too boring about it. But yeah, it is funny at this age. It's funny because she'll be like, no, no, no and then like honestly a second later oh actually yes yeah all right well that was easy yeah like whatever kicks off you go cool i'll just wait one second and then hopefully this will change oh it has great yeah perfect um she's blank is doing very very well um uh she sends her love oh cool yeah what's Yeah. What's she getting for Christmas? She met a friend of the show this morning, actually.

Oh, yeah? Went for a walk down the street. Charlie Murphy? To the bakery. No. And ran into Alex Ward down the street. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

So, yeah. That was it. All the guests will get around to you eventually. Okay. I just thought I'd introduce her one by one to the guests. We've gone alphabetically by first name. So, Ronnie next week, we're going to go to New York. Okay, cool.

Yeah, so it should be good. What is she getting for Christmas? Is she getting a star? I am really going to go around and try and find one, yes. Okay, cool. Yeah, I'm going to go... I don't know what to... I don't know what...

I don't know what to get her. She's getting a new bed. Okay. Yeah. Not an electrified one. Like a grown-up girl's bed. Yeah. And what else?

A doona. Yep. She's getting a... And we're dressing up her bedroom So it doesn't just look like The storeroom for our merch Oh yeah Yeah

Yep So we've decided Yeah she's actually Aware of what's going on At the moment So we better actually Yeah she'd have a little bedroom That's got all her

Yeah Got all her Her tastes in it Which is a good reminder Nirvana poster up on the wall Yes Yeah picture of Heather Locklear on the wall.

Yep. We do have merch. Look, if you're listening to this side of the press, if you want to order stuff right now for Christmas, I'll post it same day. So this might be your last chance before Christmas. But get on there. We've got t-shirts and merch and all that sort of shit.

Get on there now. Also, we've been doing a few dummios in time for Christmas. So if you want to do them, get in right now. Yeah. But thank you to Tom Christensen. Thank you, Christ son. Thanks, Tommy Christ. Great stage name.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. Wow. Thank you to Keith Saint Mart Saint Mart Saint Mart Okay Well this is like This is kind of running parallel

To the previous one It's It's like Saint Mart Where you'd go to like You know pick up all your Religious paraphernalia Saint Mart I thought maybe

Saint Mart was the patron saint of Shopping Right Right Saint Mart Saint Mart St. Mart. I thought maybe St. Mart was the patron saint of shopping or something. Right, right, right, right. Yeah. St. Mart. St. Mart. Going to hit those Boxing Day sales, speaking of shopping.

Oh, am I going to? Don't believe so. I think we're going to go down the beach on Boxing Day. What about you? Are you a Boxing Day saleser? Not really. And I mean, I generally never really... I don't mind it. Yeah do i i don't i don't

like the crowds i kind of don't like unless you're going to really make a thing of it and be there at like 6 a.m it's like if you wait too late in the day yes they've just been picked clean yeah um i mean i if you want to go and get a fridge for 50 or whatever those freaks do like really early it's rare that i can ever think like, oh, this is something that I need that will be in the sales, so I'll go in and get it on that day. I do want to get a new suit at the moment, but that just seems like a pain in the ass thing to be trying to get in the Boxing Day sales while it's crowded and people are around and stuff.

You do want to get in. I don't really know. I would go in with, don't say a name. We did a bunch of years in a row. You get in at nine o'clock it's pretty pretty good you're not getting the you know you're not getting the the fucking tractors for for you know 25 or whatever they do those first things that they do that the people bother lining up for yeah yeah yeah but you're still getting you're getting your pick of like you're not going and going oh i need a new shirt and that looks like a cool one cool you get it in 4xl right or xxxx small or a lot of the times the stuff that i do legitimately want it's not really coming down in the sales anyway right like a suit

isn't really going to be like those things that are just like yeah people always want this we're not dropping this yeah yeah so i don't know i, a good trick is if you happen to be in there before Boxing Day, like in the lead-up to Christmas, and you case the joint, and you go, okay, I'm keeping my eye on that. I'm going to come in on the 26th and see what's happened. If it's still here and if it's had a big price drop. That's a good idea. I've never done that, but that's a good idea.

Yeah. Because there's a lot more room to case the joint than sometimes on boxing day you're just in there going ah i can't be like you've got to do it really quickly you gotta do the whole thing really that's it you gotta have a plan because you get tired very quickly you'll you get over fucking lining up and dealing with other fuckheads you're pumped and then after five minutes you're just over it yeah and especially at the moment like you know there's so much there's still so much covet around in the city and it's like i wouldn't get sick but i don't want to be holed up for fucking 10 days with it so it's like is i don't know he's fucking around and david jones shoulder to shoulder with a million people

the smartest way to live your life at the moment i don't know but also it's hard because sometimes if you get someone who's working there and if you're going in the lead up to boxing day and you get someone who truly doesn't give a fuck and you can get the inside word like, what do you reckon? Just the 26th. The price coming down on this, what do you think?

If they don't care, if they're not working on commission or whatever, sometimes you get people who are like, yeah man, come back in. Oh,

that's not bad. But, you know, it depends on the place because it's like, they want to make the sale then so they're getting a bigger cut. You're McDonald's,

I think it's double cheeseburgers. What do you think? Boxing day? That would be great. Turning up to KFC being like, but the Twister was $7 yesterday. Sorry, I think there's been a mistake. I don't think you've put the discount through.

Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty sure you want to get rid of these. Yeah. Pretty sure. Yeah. Aren't these going out of date pretty soon, these chicken wings? Didn't you make all this stuff yesterday for Christmas Day Thinking this was Japan

And then people haven't come in here So you've got them all to get rid of Yeah, it's a dream But yeah, I don't know I do want to get a new suit Because I have a handful of weddings and events Where it'll be worth wearing in the new year So I think now's the time

Get myself a nice little second suit. My wardrobe is absolutely overflowing with suits and dress shirts. So I reckon, honestly, half of my wardrobe has not been touched for two years now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The amount of times I've needed to wear a dress shirt, let alone a suit, in the last 18 months is... I don't even... I may have worn a shirt once maybe. I had to wear my suit like four days after the lockdown finished

and it was devastating. It fit but it was like went out for a big meal, sitting down and the buttons were absolutely screaming by the end of it. Just clinging on. Just getting away with it. But like the jacket used to close up. Because I also, I got the suit like tailored when I was at my slimmest. I got it for a wedding I was going to.

And yeah. Just pre-locked in. This would have been, yeah, like start of 2019, I it was so yeah like looking back like i was looking at photos of myself and i'm like oh i'm quite skinny there and it used to close up with ease and now it's like i couldn't even get the jacket closed maybe i've maybe i've evened it out now but yeah but just going i think i need a new one and i'll I'll grow back into that other one yeah but anyway I've still got

I've still got suits from the first probably two to three times of going to Thailand where you just think oh you have to get a suit there everyone tells you you get a suit

then you get a suit and you go why the fuck can I do this yeah I've got nowhere to go to yeah the prices aren't that amazing

yeah and now I'm just stuck with all these suits that I'm never fucking wearing anywhere exactly well yeah if you work in retail if you're a that amazing. Yep. And now I'm just stuck with all these suits that I'm never fucking wearing anymore. Exactly. Well, yeah, if you work in retail, if you're a men's suit retailer and you've got the inside track on what's going to happen on Boxing Day, is it worth me holding out to go in on

the 26th or should I just put my feet up and enjoy the leftovers? Well, yeah, let's put out a little bit of selfish, you know, trying to get problems solved. Guys, if you work for a suit shop in Melbourne or close by or whatever, Tommy's looking for a new suit. Yep. And then us, look, we're looking to get maybe some new merch printed. If anyone works at a merch printers, t-shirt printers, that sort of thing, let us know. Especially if you can move stuff quickly. If they both happen under the one roof, that'd be great.

T-shirt printers slash tailor. No, why don't we get some suits as merch? Yeah, yeah, that's not bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just our faces on the back of a tuxedo. Yep, I don't hate that. Yep, our new merch line, it's $900. Long tails as well. Yep, get married with our faces. Yep, our new merch line, it's $900. Long tails as well.

Get married with our faces on your back. Pretty good. Yep, perfect. All right, thanks. Keith St. Mart. Keith Boxing Day. St. Mart. Man, that's a fucking, that's a great name.

I can't believe we talked so much about other shit when we've got Keith St. Mart. Just, I mean, Keith is funny as it is. Keith's a good name. Keith's a great name. I can't believe we talked so much about other shit when we've got Keith St. Mart. Just, I mean, Keith is funny as it is. Keith's a good name. Keith's a funny name. Keith's a great name. Keith is my father's middle name. Oh, really? Which I always thought was very funny.

Okay, yeah, that's good. Because it's, look, all due respect, Keith St. Mart, because I think your surname is sensational, but you've got a bit of a dud first name. If I had to pick a dumbass, if I was writing a story about some dumbass, Keith would come up pretty early in my shortlist. Yeah, it's very like British dumbass, isn't it? Keith.

Look, it's not quite Wayne, but it's not far off for me. Yeah, it's parallel. It's like if you were writing something where you had like, you know, like in a schoolyard, you've got two like friends who are fucking dumbass bullies. Yeah. You'd have Keith and Wayne. Well, I wouldn't go. It's like Jimbo, Dolph and Kearney in The Simpsons.

Yeah. It's like, that's a great trio of fuck-ups. Yeah, I wouldn't go, oh, check out this hunk with a big dick. His name's Keith. Who's the hottest Keith? Let us know. Keith Urban? Probably. His name's Keith. Who's the hottest Keith? Let us know. Keith Urban? Probably he is actually.

Well, no, definitely. But like, yeah, that's a weird one. Yeah. I don't know who else there is. Keith Richards? Was he hot back in the day? You know, that's funny you say that because I didn't even click Keith Richards.

It was more like, to me, he's Keith. Keith. Yeah, I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's almost like he's Keith Richards despite his name being Keefe. Keith Ranieri. Absolute hunk. Who?

Keith Ranieri. Who's that? The, like, NXIVM cult guy. The fucked up, like, do you know? It's like this guy that ran a cult who was, like, doing really, really crook stuff. NXIVM. What's that? It's like a pyramid scheme kind of thing.

Man, I'm out of it. I don't know anything about cults these days i'm i'm still man i'm still putting my nikes on at night and drinking poison and hoping for comments to pick me up yeah yeah yeah i'm a bit out of the loop i'm old school yeah they just don't make them like that anymore love that what's all this new shit that you kids are into These new cults They're all Internet based Back in the

Give me the analogue cults Where it's just like A guy telling you something And that's that Yeah exactly I don't need to read about it I'd want someone in front of me Saying

Drink this strychnine Yep And then a comet Will pick you up Yep When it comes past earth Yep Yeah

I don't need fucking I don't need Fucking Reddit Yep I don't need fucking Reddit. Yep. I don't need any of this shit. Thanks, Keith. Thanks, Keith. Thanks, Mark.

The patron saint of Boxing Day sales and dumbass first names. All right. We are about to record a new bonus episode, so we better wrap this up, I think. Let's just do one more. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. Oh, okay. That's interesting. Oh, okay.

Yeah, well, I guess this makes sense. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber McNally Comedy. Oh, okay. Wow, both of them under the one thing. That's cool. Both of who? Rand McNally. Oh, yeah.

Oh, but this is the first name. Yeah, right. Rand Comedy. Yeah. The Atlas of Funny, the globe, but it's only got like Uruguayan stuff on it. And like Titicaca. A globe with only funny place names. And Pussy Town.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Thanks, everyone. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for tickets and all that other stuff. See you next time. Bye.