The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 592 - Live! Mel Buttle, Nick Cody & Luke Heggie

Episode Date: February 2, 2022

We're back in Brisbane for another HUGE live show in a future condemned building! We continue our hot streak of complaining about the crowd before getting down to the important business of wishing Happy Birthday to a member of the audience. NICK CODY's been filming an ad, MEL BUTTLE has been gigging on the Gold Coast with a Friend of the Show, and LUKE HEGGIE's dad has been getting up to some dodgy business in the pub across the street. PLUS the return of the Masked Pegger, a new episode of RAD DAD, and as if all of that wasn't enough: there's a LIVE Talkin' Dum Dum recorded across the street with NICK CODY and NICK CARR! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dum Dum Club, a brand new episode recorded live in Brisbane with guests Mel Buttle, Nick Cody and Luke Heggie. And then stick around for a live Talking Dum Dum recorded across the street with guests Nick Cody and Nick Carr. Big bumper live episode, lots of fun. Get into it. Hey, mates! Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week, live from Brisbane. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dassler. With me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads!

Man. I probably should put mine back on, shouldn't I? All things considered, yeah. Chandler! G'day, dickheads! Man. I probably should put mine back on, shouldn't I? All things considered, yeah. I'm keeping my mask on because I've got a ticket to Thailand in one week and if any of you cunts stop me from going, you are fucking dead. Yeah, this isn't bad. Luckily, they're pretty good for...

I don't think anyone at home could tell any difference. You can still hear us through the mics. It's fucking great. I'm surprised. Wearing a mask in Brisbane, I'm shocked we haven't been bashed yet. So, yeah. Oh, you guys are pretty good, actually. You guys are, yeah, it's probably about 25, 30%, I reckon.

You guys are all right. The front rows have got them on. And then towards the back, it just completely fucks off. No one can be bothered. So we're here in beautiful Lefty's Music Hall in Brisbane. First time we've ever done a gig here. Every other place in Brisbane that we've ever done live shows at has then closed down in the week after.

So RIP lefties. By the time this is out, you will be in administration. Great stuff. Yeah, it is a fucking weird joint. Like, this is... Have you guys ever been here before? Oh, man, I love the look of it, but I'm like, how does this exist in Brisbane?

Like I said, all of you should be bashing this pub right now what the cowboy pub yeah they fucking love it man so this is what I just heard is this real so there's all bras up there on the moose heads

and stuff like that if you ladies if you throw your bra up there you get a free drink yeah well by the look of all the women in the crowd

yeah unfortunately that is a venue policy well by the look of a lot of podcast fans here, I think some of the men could throw theirs as well. Guys, get your girdles up there. Go for it. Can we make that happen today? Is there any ladies?

Would you like a crack tonight? Oh, fuck. Hey, they're doing it. It's not me. This is a fucking rule. I'm trying to be polite. When in Rome, when in Bogan Rome oh fuck

you guys gotta warm up you guys you know what happened we usually do stand up at the start of these big shows and you guys are coming prepared not to laugh for an hour

yeah we tricked you we needed to move the order around in order to have a certain guest be on so this venue

yeah lefties it's great I put a thing on Instagram saying that we were here today and I got a reply from the fiancé of Nick Capa saying, oh, I love that venue. I used to live around the corner. Fuck, doesn't that sound weird?

Yeah. The fiancé of Nick Capa. Just sit with that for a little bit. It's like hearing, yeah, you know when Capa was in the bath before? Fuck, it doesn't sound weird. It doesn't sound right. She sent me a message saying, oh, lefties, yeah, I used to live around the corner. I used to go there all the time.

God, I've fallen down those stairs more times than I can remember, which does explain her choice of fiancé. So, makes sense, yeah. That's what got rid of her sense of smell. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So we've also got, we should say for people listening at home, we've got, this is the first gig we've ever done in the round. Yes.

Dumb Dumb 360. Yeah. this is the first gig we've ever done in the round. Yes. Dum Dum 360. This is, well, you know, they requested, they said they did not want to see our faces. But guess what? Fuck you. Now we're turning around. All right, you can have a little glimpse of this instead. There we go.

That's disturbing. That really. They are some sweet seats. We've taken two years to get here and they're like, they still haven't sort of seen us. They're just seeing the back of us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so how much cheaper were these tickets?

Much cheaper. One guy, yeah, mate, much cheaper. I fucking cleaned up, thank you very much. These cunts down here, they can't afford a Palmer after the gig. Me, I'm eating. No, that just shows how well he's going. They were $5 cheaper. Fucking heaps.

Some of these people won't be able to afford rent this month. Not me. I'm having my cake and eating it too. More money in the skyrocket. But how are you guys feeling about the... Sorry, sorry everyone. Sorry to the millionaires down here, but we should give these people just a little taste.

Let's turn our back on the 150 people and concentrate on sex. How are you guys going? Yeah, cool. What do you think of them down there? You get a good little view? This is so fucking weird. We haven't even got to all these cunts up here as well.

You know what? I'm walking it back. I can't wait for this place to close down. I'm glad. I'm glad we're cursing it. Because also, the last time we were in Brisbane, we did a live show on the... Basically, as the pandemic was kicking off, a week out from lockdowns,

and now we're here completely on the other side of it. Everything's better. And there's no risk of anyone here getting COVID. So it feels good. We did it, baby. We're back. Also, back then, a lot of people didn't turn up because they were sort of scared of what was happening,

so we had to refund them. This time, a lot of people haven't turned up because they've got it and we're not refunding them. Probably some people listening at home on Wednesday have been like, yeah, that refund should be coming in any day now. Guess what, cunt? It's never happening.

So the cunts that asked for refunds this morning, what do you reckon we were busy doing? Working on the show, you fucking idiot. Not that the show's so far, but still. Theoretically, that's what we were doing. Yeah, first thing this morning, oh, I'm having to isolate. Yeah, it really is the golden era for waking up and being like, you know what, I can't be fucked going to this gig.

I'm going to drop the old COVID bomb in an email and get myself off the hook. I still feel like you cunts haven't warmed up yet. I feel like we've got all the excitedness of coming off a plane and getting to be somewhere else and you guys are like, we live over there. Who cares? Really all we've done so far is tell them that they're in a future condemned

building and that they're probably going to get COVID-19 from being at this gig. So can't fault them too much. You know what? These guys are giving it up more than the people down here. They're small in number but they're fucking mighty, I'll tell you that. Yeah, you're right. Let's pit them against each other and they can fight on top of us.

They're wearing merch. I mean, that's weird to spend the money on a T-shirt, but not the extra $5 on a good seat for the kid. Strange priorities. Pardon? You got free tickets? What the fuck? Hang on. What? Where'd you get free tickets? What the fuck? Hang on.

What? Where'd you get free tickets from? Someone gave it? Well, we know, like... Yeah. All right, well, now that's thoroughly depressed. Even these guys here, they were already quiet enough. Now they're like, fuck, did we have to pay for these?

Fuck. So what, someone on the socials goes, we don't want the tickets anymore. Happy for anyone to just have them for free. And you went, great, we'll do that and we'll wear our merch

that we've got. Yeah. And also, they've clearly got COVID so COVID was on the ticket so you guys are fucked. Yeah. Oh yeah,

if any of these people are sick, we're probably technically close contacts. Yeah. I still feel like this show is closer to drama than comedy. But anyway, let's... Hey, honestly...

How do we fucking turn these cunts on? How does it work? I mean, I don't want to look at us. I don't want to be like, should we be funnier? I'd rather blame you at this point. Hey, honestly, given that, like we talked about last week on the show,

the progression of live shows is Sydney, Heathcote, and then this. I'll take this, honestly. This is still the best of three. The crowd response could get a little bit lower and I'd still be like, best live gig we've done in fucking half a year.

Yeah, yeah. Fuck. Man, we got the rappers. We do the best live shows in the fucking business and we've lost the rep in the last two live shows and I feel like it's going fucking downhill here as well. Do we never do a live show again do we can the 500th does it make a difference

is it ever going to happen anyway who cares yeah I think we've we've lost our mojo how about an environmental breakdown five minutes in fucking hell a new record

you did this Brisbane pat yourselves on the back you're not going to get on that plane to Thailand because you'll be in a psych ward after this gig. I'm going to go to comedy rehab over there. Again, bigger laughs from him than all of you. Fuck.

I'm taking the mask off. I'm happy to catch it at this gig. Fuck it. I want to be stuck here on this street for another week just basking in the glow of this awesome response we're getting. Fuck, our lives are stupid. What else have we got up top? We've got anything else?

Should we do that other thing we had up top? Should we do that thing? Oh, yeah. We've got a bit of business that we have to do, right? Apart from the job, inverted commas, that we're currently doing. Yeah. So, yeah, we've been flat out not refunding people today. Very busy.

So we ran out of time to do a few little other things. We do... A lot of you guys will know that we do, like, a cameo thing. It's not cameo. We call it dummio, and that way we don't have to give any money to cameo. So we do that off our website. And we ran out of time to do one in the last couple of days

because we haven't seen each other. So we thought maybe we should do it now on stage. Well, it's due today, right? It's due today. And we've got this and then we've got a bomb doing stand-up and then we've got to go across the street and do another gig that's hopefully a completely different audience of people. So it's half a chance of going well.

So we've got... All right, I've got to stop shitting on the crowd. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've also got to stop pulling out my phone because then some cunt brings me home. Well, no, so we've got to do...

We've got a dummy that we've got to do. Yeah. And this is like... Basically, this is the only chance that we're going to have to do it. Yeah, yeah. So I can film it.

Can you guys be... Can you guys be the studio audience for our dummy? Are you going to film? I'll film it for you, yeah. Because you have the info, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you get the info

up and, alright. Tell me when you're ready to kick it off. Sorry guys, just be quiet amongst yourselves as usual. Do that thing that you've had practice doing for a few minutes now. Be completely quiet. Is it the people

with the mask off or mask on that are fucking not laughing? Fucking cowards. Is it the people with the mask off or mask on that are fucking not laughing? They Fucking cowards I think definitely COVID-19 is in this venue because some people are having respiratory problems by the response we're getting Be safe, don't get COVID

in a dum-dum gig, no one is expelling any air after any of the jokes Okay, here we go Ready? Happy birthday, Sabrina Sabrina after any of the jokes. Okay, here we go. All right. Ready? Yep, it's on. Happy birthday, Sabrina. Sabrina. Sabrina Catarellos.

Is that how you pronounce it? I ask that because she's fucking here. Oh. Sabrina, are you here somewhere? There she is in the third row. Whoa. I don't know why I turned the camera around to film her in a video that's for her.

I don't know whose benefit. This is what you look like. Remember when you were you? Happy birthday, Sabrina. And again, I'm doing it into here rather than there for some reason. Happy birthday, Sabrina. It's her 18th birthday. Holy shit.

Pardon? 19. 19? Pardon? 19. 19? What? Your mum told me you were 18. How does your mum not know your fucking birthday? That's so weird. You dumb bitch.

A mum that's like, a mum that's like, I want her to seem more fuckable at the dum-dum gig. I'm going to round her age down, round her down to 18. I honestly thought we had a little episode of Barely Legal here. The Barely Funny Boys present Barely Legal

live on stage. Man, well that's a lot more legal because I just realised she was on the bus to Heathcote during our legendary live episode there

and getting pissed. I'm like, fuck, we were not only just a comedy crime, an actual crime. Committing some underage drinking. So do we have any information about

her in the email? She's just finished school. Okay, yeah. I thought she'd just finished high school, but clearly she's dropped out of TAFE at this stage or something. What'd you get in your... What's it called now? ATAR? Like 94. Oh! So casual.

No big deal. Is that good? I did a different scheme back then. Oh, did you really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What did you get on the abacus? What was your score on the sundial? I was going to say, as a joke, 69,

then I realised it was probably close to that. Oh, yeah. Hang on, hang on. All right, do we... Yeah, because we We better wrap this up So we can email it to her mum To send to her in time for her birthday We just heard that

Because we've said that it's a young lady's birthday On stage Of course I've just got a phone call from someone Hey, who's birthday Should we sing happy birthday Who is this I just heard it was an 18-year-old's birthday song. Just wanted to bring up and, you know, do something different

and sing a song that no one's heard before. Happy birthday. Oh, God. No, no, no, no, no. We're not doing that. I'm turning you down. Fuck, we can see how you're going, because this is the third time. Who is this?

Hey, I'm drinking. That's enough of an answer. My fear that I've ever had in my life... Man, honestly, we talked about this like half an hour ago, and you were fucking unravelled since then. We made a little script. You've stuck to none of it so far. Can you fucking remember anything you were supposed to say?

He wrote a little script. No! Is there anyone in the room who genuinely doesn't know who's on the phone at this point? It's Milan, right? This is Milan, right? Do you fucking remember who you are? Not today

I don't for fuck's sake. I've had 18 of these cunts. Alright anything else? Like if we can touch on anything we talked about before it'd be a big help. Oh yeah. Oh I'm on my way I'm gonna get an Uber and I'll fucking see you. Oh I'm

buying rounds of shots. Alright. We got there. Okay. All right. We got there. You get a shot. You get a shot. You get a shot. You get a shot.

You get a shot. You get a shot. You get a shot. You get a shot. Shot for all you, Kate. Man, honestly, these cunts need to be woken up. I wish you were fucking awake alright thank you Milan I'll see you soon

thanks Milan I love you bye now so some of you to be fair some of you probably think he's too drunk for this time of day but keep in mind there's a time difference in Melbourne

so it's 3pm there alright so it's not it's not as bad as it gets we did get a Milan has got a shot for you Sabrina so it's coming out right now. Oh, we're still filming this. When should we wrap it up?

Well, you can film her having the... Yeah, there you go. Yes! Yes! Now, put the fucking bra up there. Alright, we better wrap it up. Because we're not paying for that. That's hopefully free. If you get your bra up there. We're not paying for that.

That's hopefully free if you get your bra up there. Sabrina, happy birthday. Hope you have a great day. Hope you're doing something fun that you're really enjoying, like watching a good comedy show that you're going to be laughing a lot at, surrounded by other people who are really, really getting into it. Take care. Happy birthday and we'll see you soon. See you, mate!

See ya! God, I hate doing these things. Some of the fucking idiots that you have to hear from. Unbelievable stuff. All right, well, we've done everything. We've tried our best. There's a girl having her 18th birthday and her first ever drink

and you cunts are still like, eh, all right, all right, all right. Let's bring some big guns out here. Yeah, let's bring some friends on to bask in this weird vibe with us. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Nick Cody! Wherever you want. Sorry, Tommy, I choose Carl.

Hello, everyone. How good is Joe Rogan's burlesque podcast studio? This is what I'm saying. What a spot. Brise Vegas. How are we? I thought you guys would be more pumped up. Chandler went through every ticket price

and the different things they got. And then we got in contact with the guy that buys drinks, but he's not here. So, I don't know. When I hear you have Queensland, I think you guys love admin. So, what happened? What happened? Got Novak Djokovic's lawyer on the phone.

He's maggot. Yeah, did he go... He was going to go protest, wasn't he? Like, out the front of the hotel? Yeah. I don't think they served drinks there, so he didn't go. Yeah, turn up with a slab out the front of the park hotel. I can't blow this joint up.

It's a hiney content. See what it's like up here? Mate, it's fucking great. I'm having a good time. No, I'm having a ripper time, because on the day off this week, the public holiday, obviously Jan 26 always was, always will be

my mum's birthday. So that's... Wow. A lot of people angry in the paper. I go, God, she can't change it. That's when she was born. I just made sure I didn't celebrate. A lot of people getting in trouble for celebrating on that day.

I had a steak at the Caxton by myself, so could be the sandest January 26th. My Uber driver from the airport, he dropped me at the hotel, which is across the road from the Caxton Hotel, and I'm wheeling my suitcase off, and as he's getting into the car, he goes, Hey, Tom!

And I look back and he goes, Do you play poker? And I'm wheeling my suitcase off, and as he's getting into the car, he goes, Hey, Tom! And I look back, and he goes, Do you play poker? And I'm like, Sometimes. And he's like, Thursday nights at the Caxton. They've got a ripper poker night. And then he just drives off. I'm like, You know I'm not relocating here, right? You've dropped me at a hotel.

I don't fucking live here now. Also, this place, so this is, you know, they've never done comedy before, even as here now. Also, this place, they've never done comedy before, even as of now. An untarnished record for Lefty's Musical. Undefeated.

Lefty's Musical, not Lefty's Comedy Hall, guys. No, but we found out just before that Delta Goodrum performed here and got more laughs than us. Is that true? Delta Goodrum was here? Yeah, Goodrum. Goodrum. Delta Goodrum. So this is not the first cancer sufferer

we've had up here on stage. That's our name. Nice. Not the first high-pitched voice to beat cancer on this stage. Here we go, now we're flying a bit of cancer, Shane. Oh, you're a cunt, you're a cunt. Well, they had Delta Goodrum in this room,

and now today we've definitely got Omicron Goodrum in this room. Boo, get off. I don't want to say it was a rough... Kill yourself, you fucking idiot. Alright, now we're cooking. We've worked it out. I've cracked the code I don't want to say

it was a rough start but that moose up there was alive and then it necked itself He's doing his awesome Yeah I reckon five more minutes of this

there's going to be a noose on a moose So But unfortunately being from Melbourne I will have to blog about bras being thrown up on a dead animal. I'm so sorry, guys. I'm sorry to bring it down. Bring that to Hit FM on Monday morning.

I saw something disgusting while I was... On Fox FM. Yeah. Weird you went to bring that up. When I was on Triple M here, they did tradie for a lady here. Hang on, was that a straight swap, an actual thing? Or what does that mean? Like most radio contests, pretty easy to figure out.

Yeah, right. Ladies, you want to meet tradies? Fucking bus, get down to lefties. Right. I think that was the promo. Fucking hoodoos can't get in. Fucking crack. So some high-vis can't come down here and absolutely railroad a Delta Goodrum.

Is that what you're saying? It's like, who is this promo for? Tradies notoriously shrinking violets when it comes to approaching women. Every beautiful woman has always said, I wish I could just get a tradie to notice me just once in my life. And also, we've talked about this, but now there's strippers on construction sites holding fucking stop signs and whatever like they're there

for the fucking picking are they? well that's what we talked about there's always like hot construction workers yeah there's always like

they've got one girl so they pick like an ex-stripper or a model or something like that like well I mean not back then

when you had them on radio and whatever that's how they needed to do it but yeah so anyway go on

I do always get yeah they really can do anything these days. It's unbelievable. A hot male or female tradie, I always stop and think, fuck, it's someone's birthday around here. They're about to get a surprise.

Oh, yeah. That bloke's too good looking to be a plumber. He's a fucking trap. Yeah, yeah. Where are the chicks at? There's a hen's party, obviously. That's a trap. The sexy plumber.

Every woman's fantasy. There's a hands party in this newly constructed hospital. I can just feel it. I like that a hot plumber is a trap. It's like, well, I've got a leaky tap and now I'm getting bummed. Fucking hell. I think I've fixed that seat, but why don't you bend over in front of it?

I'll plug that drain. It's not even a fucking saying I do like after this Carl You're going to the Goldie Before Thailand which is It is the warm up It is the Thailand warm up It's like getting a very similar comedian as a warm up

You know like Something not as good and then the main event I think that'll be good How do you reckon you'll go down there? In the Gold Coast? Yeah, on the Goldie. Because you did Anglesea last week.

So you really are progressing up in the beaches. So you go Anglesea, Gold Coast, Thailand, and then Mars, the ultimate beach. The famous beaches.

The ultimate beach. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. Well, I don't know that much about the Gold Coast. Like, what should I be fearing? I'm staying... I don't know if people there know much

about the Gold Coast, though. I'm staying in a nice place. It's nice, though. It's not like, you know much about the Gold Coast. Like, what should I be fearing? I'm staying... I don't know if people there know much about the Gold Coast. I'm staying in a nice place. It's nice, though. It's not like, you know, brash Gold Coast. I'm staying in a nice place. It isn't. The casino. So, like, yeah.

Are you with your family? Yeah. I didn't pick it. Let's see how good Blanket can count. Get up here. I'm on 17. They've got a 10. What's see how good blanket can count. Get up here. I'm on 17. I've got a 10. What do I do?

Yeah, yeah. Paying for this fucking daycare. Teach me something. Obviously, you stay. Sorry. You going to take her out on the floor? Oh. Teach her to card count.

Yeah. No, I don't know. What do I do? I mean, there's a beach and there's the pool and that's about it. You know what? I did the wrong thing. I said today, I was going and she's like,

oh, where are you going? I was like, to the beach. And now she's been crying ever since, apparently. So I just fucked up when I'm going to the beach. So she's been crying in front of me and saying her name all day going, why is daddy at the beach and I'm not? And she's like, oh, I don't know.

But you're not going to the beach. You're here working. Why did you lie to her? Why'd you freak out under pressure from a three-year-old? Because I... I'm at the beach. Fuck. I mean, I'm sweating so much I feel like I'm at the beach,

but I thought the beach would be easier to understand than a live podcast in front of people that don't particularly like us. No, don't you think that? Thank God he's gone. I'm going to a dark room filled with dead animals on the walls, and you will too if you don't you be mad. Thank God he's gone. I'm going in a dark room filled with dead animals on the walls

and you will too if you don't eat your fucking veggies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Alright, well look, I feel like we need,

let's get another guest. Alright, please welcome back into Little Dumb Dumb Club Mel Bartle! Oh, Bart! Hanging down the street. G'day, g'day. Yep, on the bloody clock today Bugs Hanging down the street G'day

Yep On the bloody clock today Got a 5pm show At the powerhouse TikTok What about cums Let's get into it Right

Don't have all day Who's done a wank Done it Alright We had you booked For when we were Going to do this show In August

And I texted you To say we had to Reschedule it And you said Oh no I was so looking forward to talking about Cums with the Boys. And it was hard to tell if that was genuine or not.

No, it was genuine. I love doing the pod. It's, you know, it's different to other pods. Different. What kind of different? Oh, you know, when you do another pod and they're like, oh, are you checking out this thing that's happening at the moment with Scott Morrison? I'm like, oh, fucking no.

Oh, good. So we're good then? Yeah, no, you're fine. Yeah, it's a good time. You don't have to pretend to know about... Anything. Yeah. What audiences want or being funny.

Whoever Anthony Albanese is, I don't know. I'm popping that down there. You know, if we can just keep inviting guests up here, at some stage we outnumber them and then we can not laugh at them. Oh, the tables have turned. You know, it's actually going fine. I don't know what's got in your

hair down there. You know, me and Tommy are pretty big stand-ups, so we're just used to killing every crowd we get. I think probably it's just standards, you know, whatever. Yeah, normally in our stand-up, so we're just used to killing every crowd we get. I think probably it's just standards, you know, whatever. Yeah, normally in our stand-up we'd be being, like, carried out of the venue at this point. Or kicked out, whatever.

Put a police driver in us. Whatever. What do you reckon, the over-under on your trip in Thailand, how long are you meant to be going there for? The plan is a week. Why? Why? Yeah. I know you're going to say Thailand, fuckhead, but a week. Why? Yeah. Why? Yeah. Because we can't... I know you're going to say Thailand, fuckhead,

but a week, isn't that... That's pretty short, no? Oh, finally, someone encouraging me to go longer than fucking... I know. Everyone else is telling me not to go. No, because we can't live in our house at the moment. The kitchen's all fucked and we can't live there anymore and so it was like, well, if we can't live there,

where else could I live but Thailand? And my wife was like, no, no, no, my mum and dad's house so it was like, well, if we can't live there, where else could I live but Thailand? And my wife was like, no, no, no, my mum and dad's house. And I was like, absolutely not. Oh, no. You go do whatever crimes you're going to commit over there before living with the in-laws. That would be truly heinous. I tried it, and on Monday,

my mother-in-law bullied me for three hours because I didn't eat a sandwich she made and I wouldn't do up my shoes. Why didn't you just eat the sandwich? Oh my god. I can understand not being hungry and not eating the sandwich, but tie up the fucking shoes. It's such an easy thing. Don't pick her side.

I'm with you half of the way. If you don't want to eat the sandwich, don't eat the sandwich. But it's like, give her something. Give her the shoes for God's sake. Why just admit her? Why were the shoes undone, one? What was were you in the middle? I didn't want to. Why were the shoes undone? One. What was on the sandwich? Two.

Oh, I didn't even check. What was on the sandwich? Didn't even check. No. Just, just... I wasn't hungry. Philosophically, just not for me. I just know.

I don't like the idea of a sandwich being forced upon me. Yeah, okay. You're shit outdoors. You should eat whatever food you're given. Look, in hindsight, I realise on paper I literally sort of went, I'm not eating your sandwich, I'm not doing my shoes up, I'm going to Thailand. Goodbye. Yeah, exactly.

You've already ruined her life by ruining her daughter. The least you could do is tie your fucking shoes up and give her a hand. Wow. To be fair, I think she probably regrets not telling my wife to tie something instead of me tying my shoes. She said tie your tubes up, Carl. So it got frosty and then that's it. You're like, I'm out the door.

You're on the beach. Fucked off. That was it. And then I had the same conversation with my wife and the same response. Why didn't you eat a sandwich? Why didn't you do your shoes up? And that's why I my wife and the same response. Why didn't you eat a sandwich? Why didn't you do your shoes up? And that's why I'm going to Thailand without it. Why didn't you tie your shoes?

They're tied now. I know, but I just didn't feel like it at the time. I was just walking around. Walking around with my... You know, it's easy to go in and out of the house without doing them up and using them like fucking slippers. You tied your shoes up for these people

who don't respect or like you at all. You wouldn't talk to your mother-in-law. All right, well, I'll fucking leave here as well. You tied your shoes up for these people who don't respect or like you at all. You wouldn't talk to your mother-in-law. All right, well, I'll fucking leave here as well. So you're going to the Gold Coast tomorrow. Mel, you were telling us before we started that you did a gig on the Gold Coast last week with a friend of the show, Nick Carr. Yep, huge gig, open mic. Real good get.

With Carr on the Goldie. Yep. Wow. So Nick Carr had driven to the Gold Coast to perform seven minutes of unpaid stand-up. Yeah, yeah. Hang on, hang on. I just realised you had to go to the Gold Coast

with Nick Carr to do an open mic. All of a sudden, this is a good gig. This is... That's fine. It's cracking. It's the worst bit about gigs on the Gold Coast is that a lot of them are at, like, RSL pub venues with open windows,

so you can see the ocean. And halfway through you think, oh, I'm going to walk into that. Yeah. Anyone in the audience got some rocks I can put in my pockets that would really help me out? So Nick Carr's driving down to do an unpaid seven minutes. Correct.

That is insane that they'd give him that long. Yeah. Worked his way up. But not charge him, weird. He was on towards the end of the night as well, Nick Carr. The promoter thought this guy is probably worthy of a spot in the final three. Well, you wouldn't put him on first, you'd walk the audience. Correct, yeah.

Look, he did alright. It's not a shot at Nick Carr, but more at Queensland comedy and the state of it. Sorry, but we'll be the judge of whether or not it's a shot at Nick Carpenter, more at Queensland comedy and the state of it. Sorry, but we'll be the judge of whether or not it's a shot at Nick Carpenter. So this gig is in a gay bar, right, on the Gold Coast. Sounds fun. Who could we get?

And everyone who's on the bill is gay, all like a bit iffy. Car included. Oh, he's more of a gay icon, like Kylie. Kylie's not gay, but she's an icon. Correct, yeah. Iffy here is if you like AFL, by the way. Players are too pretty. Don't trust them.

Nice linen shirt, mate. Yeah. I'm just trying to get a Gold Coast gig. Also, by the way, Nick, before we go on, when's the other half of your pants turned? Oh, jeez. Sorry, the man's staying with his in-laws. I'll dress, I will dress properly for stand-up.

You fucking motherfucker. When he walked in, that's how cranky Carl was. Not like, hey, man, thanks for coming, When he walked in, that's how cranky car was. Not like, hey man, thanks for coming, or, he's like, where are your pants?

And now I know why, it's because hurt people, hurt people. Eat your fucking sandwich, Cody. I've had lunch, man. Grown up. But you, you have been guilty of wearing shorts on the pod?

No, I... Oh, maybe. Yeah, of course. On the Goldies. On the Goldies. Oh, that's right. Bloody shorts festival. Yeah, yeah, yeah, alright. Yeah, I'll cop that.

But that was sort of outdoors. No, it wasn't. You're wearing a hat inside, fuckhead. What are you talking about? That is an insane invented memory. Yeah, we were on a pontoon out in the ocean We were wearing shorts I just swam there

It's a bit like the doors were open which I counted as outside Sure So you're on the Goldie doing this gig with famous gay icon Nick Carr And what happened was a local Queensland if you've ever gone to some of the more established venues here There's this group of old blokes that emcee all the gigs and they've got lots of sort of 80s comedy vibes about them. One of those lives on the Gold and he dropped in

just to the gig to pop in and experience established guys. Got to run through some Monica Lewinsky gear. Exactly. You guys keep up this This Lorena Bobbitt thing, she cut his dick off. So this old bloke comes in very, I don't know, a bit oblivious

to the surroundings and the audience. You know, lots of young ladies with shaved heads that have dyed their shaved head red. You know, read where you are. This guy does this joke. This is a new bit that he was trying out. He goes, I actually punched a poofter on Australia Day. Wait.

I'm listening. Yep, I punched him in his arsehole with B-cock. Oh. Okay. I like the absolutely needless use of Australia Day in that joke. Famously their day.

Yeah. I punched a poof-ter on Nick Cody's mum's birthday. What reception did this get? Pretty icy. Did they all hop on their float Nick Carr and just leave?

Mighty Carr. Genuinely. Genuinely. That was like simulating what a stroke is. That was genuinely difficult to get out. You know what it was? It was you going, fuck, I think I'm going to actually crack this gig open.

Oh, fucking Marty. Oh, fuck. But yeah, so this was a pleasure to come and do gigs with. Oh, we're better than them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The bloody woke elite here of Melbourne comedy. Well, we've actually, as a bit of a surprise, you told me that story before the gig.

We've actually got that old fucked guy from the Gold Coast. Let's bring him out. Please welcome to the stage our third guest, Luke Heggy. Heggy! Heggy! This must be nearly over. He was going to wrap it up for me. You're clearly the cheerleader in the crowd,

fucking deliberately not laughing, so fucking all these guys act like you out there. I was asleep up at that. That's what's up. It's been a bit long to get here. I'm involved in podcasting now, thanks to him, and ours is less quantity, more the other one. I'm looking forward to this going really long.

When we're planning our show for tonight that's across the road in a smaller venue, which that is a bit of a weird thing to do, go, oh, let's go to a more successful one before our one. But we never even thought to check whose birthday it would be. Could have sung them a song. It's a fucking aggro, isn't it? Yes.

Sorry instead you were planning on fucking whoever dropped a biscuit on a fucking Qantas flight one time. It's not as interesting as that. I want to know, they're all behind me. King of the air's back who's back who's flying it's fucking sick oh man

fuck that's right this is what happened I should have said this earlier I um well you'll like this because I oh man

fuck I got off the plane today and then went I'm going to catch the train into the city which is true lunatic this is a very Carl going to catch the train into the city. Which is true lunacy. This is a very Carl thing to do, which is in the age of coronavirus,

still to say $9 will fly on the day interstate, I reckon. That's fucking wild. That's a crazy roll of the dice. Well, I thought you were going to say getting on the train. I thought you were going to be more angry about the train because fucking Blakey, Brett Blake's giving me shit all day about getting on the train. Then I turn up to the train, they're like, we're not running trains, you have to hop on the bus. I thought you were going to be more angry about the train because fucking Blakey, Brett Blake's giving me shit all day about getting on the train. Then I turn up to the train

and they're like, we're not running trains, you have to hop on the bus. Oh no. And even I'm like, fuck this. So I got on the bus then got off

and then I walked like 4k here and I walked... Jesus man. Yeah. But then... Do you have a gambling problem? What are you doing

with your cash? For fuck's sake. Oh man. Here's what you do, save on half the pants, get a taxi dude. Do you have a gambling problem? What are you doing with your cash? For fuck's sake. Here's what you do. Save on half the pants. Get a taxi, dude. Live the dream. Man, I was consciously trying to save money because I blew $100 yesterday

parking at the gym car park without fucking putting a ticket in. Oh, my God. That is the saddest way to lose $100. Yes. And especially, it's sad because I lost $100 and then I went into the gym and I still look like this. So I walked fucking four or five k's here

and then I walked past, and this is my first thing of being on the ground in Brisbane. I walked past the police station down there and honestly, right at the front, like within two minutes of the front door of the police station, a guy with no shirt on tried to sell me drugs. That's you.

That's Brisbane. That's smart I reckon. They won't believe it. It's like a mirage. Cops look out the window and go, no fucking way that Jaden is trying to ride here. We can see him. It's so fucking weird. Heggie, you're a Brisbane

native. Oh, what a pleasure it is to be back in the River City. We could have used you earlier. Things that would appeal to the crowd. Like, maybe we're not getting it. The aforementioned Caxton Hotel right across the road from here.

That's where my dad used to throw dwarves. Alright. hotel right across the road from here. That's where my dad used to throw dwarves. It wasn't his job. Just sideline. Just like a bouncer with the easiest job of all time. What night of the week is this? Is this happening on Thursday after the polka night? This is a Wednesday thing.

A quiet night of the week. That's what the Uber driver yelled at you. Don't turn up Tuesday, little fella. Have you seen the side of Wolf of Wall Street? Because they'll get you. Was this like a Triple M promo thing back in the day? Was your dad in a Black Thunder or something throwing dwarves? Absolutely not. This was all before Black Thunder or something throwing dwarves? Absolutely not.

This was all before Black Thunder. Was it a game or was it a demo? What was he doing? He was just chugging dwarves. Hang on. You can't just do that without saying what it is. Why would you turn up as a dwarf is my question. You warn them.

It was on the end of the news. You know how they'd have a dog on a surfboard? It was like dwarf throwing at the cacos. It was early 80s. It was on telly. So he was just like, come down if you're this high and I'll throw you. No, he didn't fucking run the event. Oh, right.

Oh, that's right. He was just there with his mates and just did a bit of dwarf throwing. There's a few events there. They used to put like a skateboard. Hang on, hang on, hang on. He was just there

with a few mates chucking around small people and then they put him on the news as the good bit. The news, yeah. Yeah, the feel good bit after all the tragedy. Hitch me.

You've got to come down to the pub and see what me and my mates are up to. It's golden. Queensland lost game two but good news, get down to the caco.

It was a good set up though. It's golden. Queensland lost game two, but good news, get down to the caco. It was a good set-up, though. It wasn't just... Like, there was obviously the flagship event of just length, but also they had like different ones where they'd put a skateboard

on their chest and bowl them. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. And they had like a Velcro wall, like a fluffy wall and Velcro suits and you had to throw yours

as high as you could. Yeah, yeah. And they'd be all on the wall. Would your dad select one dwarf for all the events for the night? Oh, like a bowling ball. Your own ball. Are you stuck with that one? I don't know.

I didn't quiz. I didn't ask. I was really young. I remember watching it and thinking, oh, this is a bit special. You didn't go down there in case they thought you were one of them. By the way, at least the Caxton's got a lot of class here. When I was having my solo steak

the other day, I saw Valentine's Day is coming up, so if you're worried, fuck, I don't have anything planned, get down to the Caxton. Three courses, a bottle of bubbles, did it for two, and funnily enough, any guesses at how much they're charging

for this? For that? That amount of dollars. $34.50 each. Swip it down the middle. End of the meal. Just beam it to me, I'll get it now, and then we'll fix it up later.

Fuck off, Paris, there's a new city of love. I was at the caxon, and I'm into food and wine and stuff, so I got a red wine, and my heart sank when she got it out of the fridge. It was chilled, just next to the whites. You didn't have to ask for the ice cube. I didn't have to ask for the ice cube. I didn't have to ask for the ice cube to chill my red wine down. I was like, can you pop that in the microwave?

What a surprise that this audience hear a story about wine and go, I don't get it. Not sure about that. What's weird about that? I'll tell you what, if anyone here wants to go to the cast on Valentine's Day for the 69 special by themselves and eat both meals and not say anything, I'll pay for it. You've got to fucking shut up and just go in

and order two meals. Both meals waddle up to the counter and go, when does the dwarf throwing start? Valentine's Day, go by yourself, eat two steaks and then have a wank. Is that it? Come to the boys! Come to the boys! Come to the boys!

By the way, I don't think anyone's fucking after eating a pub meal at the Caxton. You're in a bad way. You're going home in time to watch maths, pull the recliner back, just settle in. I just want to apologise for lefties for just constantly talking about their competition across the room.

I know they're not glowing reviews, but still, it does have a bit on the nose. I like these pods being like a lonely planet that's just very micro. Just like, here's some other stuff that's going on on this street. You can do after the gig. So how long did the dwarf throwing go? When did that get phased out at the Caxton? Probably a couple of years later. Like mid-80s it was gone. Even then, people were like, oh, this is probably a couple of years later. Mid-80s, it was gone.

Even then, people were like, this is probably a bit on the nose. Are there still remnants? Is the Velcro wall still there? No. Is your old man the record holder? Has he got a plaque over there or anything? Just on the wall about that far.

No little statue at Suncorp? Yeah. No little statue at Suncorp? Yeah. We've got a couple of other things to get through. Uh, yeah. What do we want to do? Alright, tax return time.

Here we go. Someone's got to apply for GST. It's a big hullabaloo if there's any... Yeah. Let's do this. This was very popular about, what, two years ago now, 18 months ago or something like that. We did a little series for about a month or so called The Mask Pegger.

Yeah, if you guys enjoyed that. We thought we might bring that back because a lot of you guys got right into it. It was very mysterious and everyone was guessing every week. So we thought maybe we'll reboot that. Let's kick off the credits. Have we got the credits now? Can we do that any time when I said it? Yeah, now here. Yeah. Okay, great. Okay, welcome to the first episode back of the new series of The Masked Pegger. So, welcome... Oh, no. Welcome to the stage, this season's contestant,

complete mysterious. Who could it be? Wow. Completely new. He's also jumped on stage before I did the intro to the segment or anything like that, so I really appreciate you completely fucking it up. So, so...

You said come on after the fucking sound cue. I love the mask as well. It's beautiful. So we've got no idea who it could be. Your eyes are closer together than that. What? Your eyes are closer together than the heart. Yeah.

They are. I did it in the dark up the back while my shirt was off so I was in a hurry. The ninja turtle that means that none of the other four get any pizza. Teenage Mutant Ninja Fatso. Cowabunga. Do you want me to come back when you've introduced it properly? No, we've fucked it now.

Let's just plough on. I'm sorry. Has anyone got any... Who's going to be? Who am I getting fucked by this year? We've got the traditional elaborate costume. Now, the panel, have you got any questions for whoever this could be? Why'd you do it? I just wanted to be involved, honestly.

I just want people to like me. It's mostly... It's pretty sad, yeah. Yeah. Have you ever played cricket? Definitely not, no. Oh, right, so it's not... I'll save you some...

Just questions. What? All questions to do with his dick or something? No, no, no, no. Any questions. You just made life questions. You like long walks on the beach or something. Did you ask...

Was your first question, have you ever played cricket? Yeah. Well, people with your eyes really close together, they're fucking good batsmen. Have a look at... Have a look at your Steve Smiths, your Joe Roots,

your Marnuses, your fucking couple of South Africans. They're real. Like chickens, man. It's telling me whoever this is, they are a good batsman. Yeah. Something about it.

Something about it. I thought you might have thought that might be Warnie just there. Warnie's eyes are normal. This bloke does have better hair though. Incredibly good. Have you got any clues for us? Mysterious. I have some clues.

On Australia this year I punched it. No. Someone else. Okay, I've never been booked for the comedy gala in Melbourne. I've never been on TV.

And even though I'm one of the two friends in Brisbane these guys have for the podcast, I can barely get on this show. But I am a comedian. Any guesses? Easy.

Easy. I was thinking Nick Carr until the end there. Okay, let's rule him out. Yeah. That's so brutal. I've got another clue. I have worked with Mel Buttle recently on the bake-off I'm the one that eats the leftover cakes

it's a bin it's a bin it's a human bin I know who it is and you're really close this is how much this person wanted to be a part of little dum-dum club folklore, is that in a state like Queensland, the most humid state in Australia, would be happy to just stick his dick into clay.

Anyone's doing anything to try and cool their genitals down. Some are even wearing shorts on a stage. For one man to make a mould is insane. Did you make it yourself? I wasn't the guy that was in the first one. I'm a completely different person. You watched the behind the scenes documentary. I did some research.

I hung out with the guy first. He's a real cool guy. I think you guys would really like him. He's really nice. Technically it wasn't clay. It was something actually made out of algae, funnily enough. Algae? It's quite environmentally responsible... I don't know, some algate or something. It's quite environmentally responsible. I don't know.

The guy in the dark stuff, not so much. But the thing you stick your dick in was absolutely made out of algae, apparently. It's really hard to mix in a bowl. I can't see the... Were you just... Were you just on the Great Barrier Reef trying to fuck coral?

It was actually the colour of coral. You've got t-shirt and dress shoes on. I reckon we should change tops and then we'd both be dressed appropriately. Why are you

wearing such nice shoes? Because my other ones smelt really bad. Okay, yeah. No idea at all. From the outside. So I just grabbed these out of the car.

They smell bad when they're on. Yeah. You've got a real thing for pongers. Every time I see you, you're just like, you know who pongs in comedy? Yeah, you have a big list. I might as well just tell you who doesn't.

That's actually the next clue. I also smell really bad. I smell bad? Is that a clue? You're thinking of your comedy. So... Coming from me tonight.

Big call. So... Any questions, Mel? Is the Mars Peg a... How would you describe the size of the peg? Said in the most disinterested way of all time. Sure. Talk about it.

I don't mind. I would describe it as pretty fucking epic. Yeah! Woo! Okay. Brisbane. Yeah. All right.

Well, I have a question. Real weird woos from the crowd there. It's more like spring let's have a break. I have a question. What woos from the crowd there It's more like spring let's have a break I have a question What are you doing Valentine's Day? Funnily enough eating two steaks Getting $138

together for four meals Alright I guess we'll find out next clue next week Probably not Thank you everyone thank you Max Pega thank you Max Pega whoever he might be

alright let's just keep throwing things at the wall until something works I reckon Carl's going to call the airport see if the plane's still running see if the bus is still going

and I'll hook myself up to the fucking exhaust pipe so yeah that's great sell drugs down the hook myself up to the fucking exhaust pipe. That's great. Sell drugs down the cop shop. Say to the captain of a plane, I've got a bad feeling about this gig, just keep the engine running and I'll probably see you back here in about 15 minutes.

Mellie, you were telling us before the gig, and I found this fascinating, that your partner, you do not follow her on social media. Nope. Fair enough. Great call. Yeah. I found that I had nothing to say to this woman when I came home

because I'd seen everything she thinks, everything she's done that day already. I feel the same way about people who keep fucking, well, it's olden days, but photos of their family in their wallet. I remember what they fucking looked like. Yeah. You're burning your brain, aren't you?

Yeah. No, I don't follow on Instagram. I don't need to. It's all, I don't know, soccer and pictures of flowers like every bitch. But you also, you were saying during the week you got an email from wife of, friend of the show, Nick Cody, the stunner.

Yes, I did. What'd she write? Well, it wasn't so much her. It was more her image was attached to an email that I received. Oh, okay. Yeah. And I then said, oh, my God, that's Looch. That's Looch on this email to my partner.

And she was like, ah, Nick Cody's life's really hot. I was like, yeah, she's theooch. That's Looch on this email to my partner. And she was like, ah, Nick Cody's life's really hot. I was like, yeah, she's the stunner fuckhead catch up. Hang on, what was her image of her in an email? Looch is the face of like an insurance company, which I didn't realise. Like rental insurance. I don't know if you've ever seen,

there's an ad where like a fire kicks off and she'll freeze time and come in and fix it. Matrix style, yeah. Someone knocks over a glass of wine and she'll freeze time and come in and fix it. Matrix style, yeah. Someone knocks over a glass of wine and she walks in hot, clicks the fingers. I do it at home, kick a fucking stubby over nothing. Where are your powers, woman? But she is on that ad. Yeah. So every single email from that company

looch, looch, looch, looch up the top. Like, is she getting coined for email? I don't think so. Nah. I wouldn't be here. Well, you've been up here for a week filming an ad and you didn't tell me any details about it. I'm not allowed to talk about it yet.

Alright, well, what is it? Anti-coward punching or gambling? It's got to be one of them. It's got to be one of them. No, government's taken a different spin. We're bringing the coward punch back. You're a baseman. You know. to be one of them. It's got to be one of them. No, government's taking a different spin. We're bringing the coward punch back. You're a baseman. You know.

Right, right, right. COVID didn't work. That's how we really hit the herd. We got to... We lost Prince Andrew. Bring back King Hit. All right?

King Hit. I'm saying some stuff even I don't agree with. Just to fucking pump some energy. Get some wheels spinning. Yeah, I was shooting it out, I went out to Yamanto which, two years on Triple M never heard of it, and I know why

the fucking rock patrol ran out of petrol trying to get there, that's a ways away yeah, that's a 40 minute drive from the CBD Yamanto, they've done an awesome thing out there where they've started a suburb by just opening a shopping centre. And figuring that houses will attach at some point. Much like Gambaro's, they just sold enough lobster and thought, fuck, someone will want to sleep next to this building.

Let's do a hotel. I wonder what product you could be pushing where you need to go to Yamanto. I wonder. Is it... Big W or Coles, Ianto. I wonder. Is it... Big W or Coles, I reckon. I reckon a car.

Like a big car for men and I'm Nick Cody and you're not a poor... Get in my car. I've got on me P's when I'm 31 and I can't drive manual. Get in, soft cocks. Is it...

Is it... Is it worse? Are you the new fresh food person? Yeah, look at me man I love fruit and veg I'm sweating sitting You guys heard of fucking lettuce? Avocado's a good fat

That's what I know I think I'm Just full of good fats So we're not allowed We're not allowed to find out What was it after? of good fats. So we're not allowed to find out. You'll find out. But we're not allowed to do it yet. So you're advertising something, but not yet.

It's for the future. It's not on air yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But fucking will we ever find out? Yeah, we just don't... Like, ads don't work. Like, they don't film them straight to TV. Right.

They're not live. We're crossing live to the new Colgate commercial. That's a good idea. One in each ad bracket should be happening live that would be exciting a fucking live cross I'd tune in, hope they fuck up the bananas one this week it would be awesome but so Mel you were saying you met your partner

by her sliding into your DMs on the ground then you unfollowed her no no no her sliding into your DMs on the ground. Then you unfollowed her. No, no, no. I met her on Bumble which makes no sense for gay women because Bumble is the app where the women you get the right to speak first.

I'm like, well that's off you go love, have a chat. Yeah, but she had one photo on her dating app. Just one. Okay. Yeah, and the bio was like real basic bitch stuff, but I was like... What was the photo?

Just one, like a fucking passport photo, I think she... A passport photo? Just literally a photo of her face, done. No smile? Straight ahead? Yeah, you could see the ears, everything. And you were like, I can see some ears, I'm in here. I was like, okay, I can work with this.

And I was like, you seem really nice and very innocent and unaware of how the internet works. Maybe I'll take you under my wing. Yeah, and you are TikTok's Mel Buttle. I am, yes. Blowing up on there. Yeah, blowing up a little bit. Hang on, is your girlfriend 12?

Yep, she's 12. Got her on TikTok. But now, like I followed her for a bit on Instagram when we first got together But now I'm like I don't need to I don't want to Unfollow your partners And you'll have more to talk about at night time

And you get more stand-up bits out of it Because you'll have to retell stories and stuff I don't think two adults who live in the same house should be on fucking social media I've banned it at my place. You've banned it? You're on it. Except for me, I said. The rest of the family in the dungeon, no computers. Is that

real? No. Carl, eat your sandwich, tie your shoelaces and follow me on Instagram for fuck's sake. You're a guest in my house. Fact check, please, Carl. Yeah. But there's been some comedy that I just didn't follow when they first popped up. You know when Twitter was a thing and now it's

faded and I've still got these people there that it comes up that I should follow back and I'm like, no. It's too late now. I'm going to have to leave it as it is. I can't be coming in eight years fucking later with a follow let's leave it as it is

let's all get back on MySpace today it's like Justin Timberlake's birthday he bought it he spent heaps of cash pretty fucked I know he's fine you know

he brought sexy back we've got to bring it back well because I met my partner through Instagram by her by her doing a DM slide. Oh, she?

Really? Yeah. And the way it happened was I, so I checked my other messages folder one night and I've got like, I've got this message from someone I don't know saying hey, I've got to explain I'm sorry that I went through and liked every single one of your

photos on your page and you would have gotten all those notifications. I was out at a party. I was really high with a friend. And they were teaching me how to, like, DM slide and get people's attention. So I just found you randomly on, like, the Discover thing. Oh, yeah. Now I'm buying this.

And went back through. I reckon the more info, the less creepy. Yeah, for sure. So she's like, I'm sorry, this is like a weird message to get and I'm sorry all those notifications are weird and I wrote back and said, yeah, that's cool. To be honest, I do a podcast, so I don't remember that even ranking in the top five weirdest things that happened on this app to me that day.

This is barely scratching the surface of strange DMs to slide through, honestly. But anyway, then we got talking, we started dating, and then eventually she was like, wasn't that so weird how that all happened? Because my friend was like, just find someone. And I went onto the Discover thing and I saw your photo and I recognised you from meeting you at that house party in Perth that we were both at all those years ago

when we were like 19 or whatever. Isn't that crazy? And I go, I've never been to a house party in Perth when I was 19. You're thinking of someone else. Also, what else is she looking at that your head pops

up in the Discover tab? Mine's all fucking UFC knockouts. On Prince Andrew's page, on Little St. James Island things of that nature so yeah so there's now there's someone out there

in Perth who looks like me because she's like I met you at that party and I remember that night thinking you were cute I was trying to talk to you I'm like yeah

that wasn't me so this guy if she's ever back in Perth if she meets this guy I'm done I'm fucking toast I've got to find this bizarro me

that's out there in Perth that my girlfriend's in love with. She's clearly a fucking fetishist. You'll be alright. So I get it. I can relate to the DMs. I'm trying to think who looks like you in the Perth comedy scene. Did she understand you were from comedy and was the original real comedian? Yeah.

I think comedy, it was like a comedy adjacent party apparently. Alright. Comedy adjacent. I love that term It was like a comedy adjacent party, apparently. Alright, a comedy adjacent. I love that term. Well, the Perth comedy scene. Comedy adjacent. Yeah. Rove.

Maybe it's Rove. Must be Rove. Nah, too short. Fuck, never seen him down McCaxton. Yeah. So, is this... Too much to take on Rove, I'm'm sorry too much to say that rove's short my apologies no no no the humidity we got maximum 10 minutes on a callback

one time rove nearly ran my missus over and said he's got a big car he couldn't see over the fucking he's come flying out of Woolies car park and just nearly took out the dog and my wife. I haven't seen him since. It's like a couple of years ago. And now that you are, that's on your list now. Oh, yeah. Is your mother-in-law still alive?

Yes. Oh, wrong, it's the joke I was going to do. If you had killed her... Sorry, do you want me to kill her? If you had killed her, then you could have said, say hi to your mum for me. Right, right, right, it's the joke I was going to do If you had killed her Sorry, you want me to kill her? If you had killed her, then you could have said say hi to your mum for me Right, right, right, right I like the idea of

See, that's a joke I could have done But I thought it was beneath me What if he hits your wife just like lying there on the ground and it's like, has she heard this going Stop asking me who I turned gay for in Cornwall He just can't switch it off. He loves it.

Does he live near you? He did, I think. I think he's renting a mansion somewhere near me while he's building another mansion somewhere else. Renting a mansion. I think so. He had a fucking dog that he could not control. A boxer? Yes.

Yeah. Very jumpy. Doesn't Queensland, if you've got a dangerous dog, it's got to wear a fucking high-vis collar? Does it? Yeah. It's like, man, we know, your dog's wider than it is tall. It's going to bite a baby. Man, I fucking know dogs.

Right, I might need to look in this collar. Yeah, I've covered my bases legally though with my dog I put a sign on the front gate that says warning dog lives here

intimate own risk legally covered yeah that's a Queensland contract that's done well we've we've this has been going great

let's not deny it should we should we do a bit of a victory lap and do something that we've cooked up let's put a bit of icing on lap and do something that we've cooked up? Put a bit of icing on this.

Let's just bask in it. I feel like we've earned it. We've earned the right to do this. Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for a little thing and let's get the music ready that we call Rad Dad. Thank you. A word to your mother Some rad dad He's the raddest dad in town Rad dad Well Jenny It's been a long two years of no international travel

But I'm finally doing something I should have done a long time ago Kill yourself? No, it's something that will make me happy rather than everyone else I've come back to Thailand Oh yeah, to be honest I'm surprised you brought me along Although I guess it's not like you'd just leave your child at home and travel to an Asian country all by yourself

You, a 40-something year old man What kind of fucked up dodgy reprobate who is clearly on some sort of South East Asian watch list would possibly do that Well I agree Jenny By the way, you're welcome for the flights and that dolly you're carrying a bait who is clearly on some sort of South East Asian watch list would possibly do that. Well, I agree, Jenny. By the way, you're welcome for the flights and that dolly you're carrying. Make the most of that sort of thing. It's not like when you grow up

and turn 35 you'll still be playing with toys and having your parents pay for everything. Alright, so are we here? Is this the hotel we're staying in? It looks like absolute shit. G'day, guys. Welcome to the Jeweler Phuket, the cunt-on-the-ground hostel. You do know what Addo is doing this week. I'm the manager here.

Your room is 11 cents per night. You'll be sharing it with 25 other people, and if you want a pillow with less cum on it, that'll cost extra. And if you want one with more cum on it, that'll also cost extra. Wow. You live and work here in Thailand? That must be like living in Disneyland. Except with even more dodgy blokes holding

hands with kids. Yeah, that's right. I live in Thailand and I never leave, never travel. Planes? Yuck. Except for Jetstar. You know why. I love economy. No fancy business class seats. What sort of poor white

trash person would get a hard-on over what type of chair they sit on on the way to Adelaide? God, it's one step away from watching UFC and thinking having a beard is a skill. Imagine. Boy, these are fun to write.

Alright, Jenny, now they're all checked in and I've paid for the cum upgrade on the pillow. It's time to go and soak up all the things that I love about Thailand. The food, the beach, the history. No, Jenny, if there's one thing that the Thai people are famous for, it's their sporting ability.

Hey, look over there in that bar. We're in luck. They're playing one of the world's most respected sports, ping pong. Because as we all know, all great athletic sports require furniture. And by the look of it, we're just in time for what seems to be a women's doubles match. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Cowabunga. Well, I wish that Wuhan laboratory two years ago

had been a bit more like this ping pong game because they are not using any bats. Let's just ask this homeless looking man at the door if we can come in for a better look Greetings filthy sex tourist 1000 baht please No thank you, I don't want to buy the Thai edition of the big issue thanks

I was just wondering if me and my young daughter could attend your sexy Olympic event Listen Fritzl Call her whatever you want. But we all know what you're really doing with her, you sick, mambo-wearing fuck. No, no, no, no. It's not like the other times.

This one's actually my daughter. Look, just go right in. I don't want anything to do with your weird freak behaviour. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll have to ride my fold-up bike home to play the mandolin to my French children. Au revoir, cunts. Well,

here we are inside the ping-pong show. And it's so nice to see all the familiar faces in here. Oh, shit! What? Jenny, there's something I have to tell you. A deep secret that I've been harbouring for many, many years. Something that I've never given away, and you'll

have absolutely no idea about what I'm... Do you have a secret Thai family? Oh, fuck you know. How did you know? Yeah, there's a photo of them on the fridge at home. They picked us up at the airport. You took your secret Thai wife's surname and insisted we stop calling you Rad Dad

And start calling you Rad Wang Well that secret Thai wife is just over there And she's coming over now I must warn you She speaks perfect English I've taught her an Australian accent So she won't be doing the voice Or the eyes

Unless she feels particularly lucky But that's up to her and nothing to do with me and you, Jenny, and thus we shouldn't receive any complaints via social media this week. Completely her own artistic choice. But trust me, she's a real

Thai lady. Alright. I'm going to read what's on the page By the way I'm looking forward to this video saying Only on 7 News coming across it It has been typed here by Carl Chandler this word

Ah so Rad Dad What are the odds on seeing you here at the ping pong sex show apart from the fact it's the only place you ever come? Except that time you got confused and went to the volleyball thing thinking that

was a sex show and got arrested for trying to help the ladies put the balls back up there. That reminds me, you're six months behind on your child support payments. I'm sorry, but we're in a pandemic. It's hard to find that sort of money these days. It's seven Australian dollars, rad dad.

Just take it out of the cash register at the Hooters franchise you bought over here. Excuse me, it's nice to meet you, Miss... Don't say her name! Well, I can't say her name. I've been to Thailand 30 times and still the only Thai I know I learned off that homeless man's kids. Bonjour.

Anyway. Anyway. Anyway, why can't you have a traditionally normal sexy girl name like Pammy or Kylie Gillies? Wait a minute. Who the fuck is that little girl with the very girly voice, even for little girls? I'm Jenny, Rad Dad's daughter.

Remember, I'm the one Rad Dad made you breastfeed at the airport? Rad Dad? Do you have a secret Australian family? Is that why you're always ducking over for a quick holiday in Toowoomba by yourself? Look, I haven't told you this yet, but I've lost my job at Thai Airways, so there'll be no more cheap standby flights. Not for you. Oh, dude, that is devastating news.

What are you going to do from now on? I've got a new job reading the Tatsalotto numbers over here in Thailand. Sorry, just putting away a few of the supplementaries. I'm just moving out of frame. I'm just moving out of frame. I'm just moving out of frame. Actually, I'm not feeling so good. My throat is scratchy.

I've got the sweats. Uh-oh, that sounds a lot like COVID. Oh, God, I hope not. Because I have this ticket to the little Dum Dum Club Thailand podcast festival coming up. Well, that confirms it's COVID because you've lost all your taste. I can't believe you've caught it. That means we have to spend a whole extra week in Thailand, which explains why you've been eating the arse of every bat you've seen since we got here.

Oh, no, now I'm a close contact. Oh, well, I guess I have plenty of experience of what's about to happen. You know, staying away from everyone else. Keeping to myself. Not mixing with other people. because you see in a way you could say that I've been self isolating

for years the shit they make you read I obviously don't endorse anything that's in this you know what I have to say endorse anything that's in this. You know what I have to say? I'm a little surprised we've got to the end of this whole escapade in Thailand without some crook reference to a scantily clad, big-breasted model having a weird penis. Hello!

Hey, it's the guy who gets to fill up the pillows. My ears are burning. Did someone order a lap dance? No, but someone should have ordered a lap band. Oh, Radwag! Yeah! Thank you very much, Nick Carr. Do I stay here or do I...?

Good to see you. I didn't know you were here. That was truly a surprise coming up. I came in late. It was a whole thing. Man, you should have seen Superman. He was up here before Clark. That Clark cunt.

He was right here. How have you been, Tom? You never called after the pegging Well, I'm a little busy with the peg, to be honest It's hard to find the time to get on the phone Alright, can I? No, stay there, we had momentum there for five minutes Is this the first time

in Little Dumb Dumb Club history that Rad Dad's gone better than the rest of the MSA? That's what we should have done We should have done an hour of write-down here today. Let's read it again. Alright, so. Well, Jenny, it's been a long two years of no international... That's how upside down this show

is. Nick Carr running at full speed has slowed down momentum. It's fucking defying physics in here. Alright, we better wrap it up. Folks, give me a grand applause. Nick Cody, Luke Heggy, Mel Buttle, Nick Carr. Thanks very much for coming out, and we'll see you next time. See you, mate.

All right, that brings us to the end of the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. We'll see you next time. See you, mates! And they've done it again! Bernie's kicked a big one. It came off pretty silently off the boot, but he

did kick a big one. Fuck, how's this? This room's better. So for people at home we've recorded it in a bigger room and then we recorded this bit in a smaller room. And so far, same response. No. Listen to that. That's better.

We should have done that gig over here. This is fucking red hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, architecture. Yeah. This is recording, isn't it, Jake? Oh, absolutely. Oh, fuck yeah.

That's what we love to hear. Can you record it? This is one gig we're doing well at today. Can you fucking hit record? Is it recording or not? Or do we have to do all this again? Is it recording? No, he said absolutely.

No, but he said absolutely. Like that. I think the mmm is a little bit of sauce on the end. No, no, no. I saw a lot of people have said that to me in my life. So don't worry. I know how to read it. Absolutely. You're the only one I've ever been with.

Yeah. Absolutely, she's yours. Yeah. All right, we are across the road after a red-hot stand-up gig. So this is what I'm more interested in. Who is here who wasn't at the gig across the road? No, there is someone. There's someone.

Yeah, no one who wants to go. There's someone that's fast-forwarded the first 60 minutes of our show every week just to listen to Talking Dum Dum. Surely, surely. His name's Dan. His name's Dan. His name's Dan. No, I haven't listened in the last 60 minutes.

You don't listen in the last 60 minutes? But you bought a ticket to see it live. Yeah. We also call him Dama. Yeah. Okay. You all sound like cunts. You're trying to roast one mate in the group,

but you all sound just as bad. It's been a big day. No, I like it, because it's like their little group thing. It's like, you know, this guy's a bit of a cunt. This guy does this and this guy doesn't listen to the second half of a podcast. Yeah, yeah. What a fuckhead. Gee, we're a bunch of characters.

Yeah. This guy doesn't listen to the boring bit where they just read out names and do admin. He's a real moron. But he buys a ticket to see it live. So, yeah. He's a cunt. He's a dumb cunt. but he's our dumb cunt. I mean, if anyone up the back wants to come and fill in these four-inch seats up the front,

that is driving me insane. Thank you. Thank you very much. Very nice stuff. Love this. People in the front wearing masks as if they're worried that they're going to catch COVID off us. I've got news for you. This is the more diseased state now.

We're taking more of a risk than you are. Is it really? I think so. Well, let's pretend that's real. Yeah. I don't know. Are you guys freaking out about a whopping 70 cases or something like that? What's going on?

Where am I? Who's the Premier? I've been self-isolating for years, so I don't really know what's going on in other parts of the country. But you're glad you came down the front now. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I like the mindset of this gig. Over there, you guys were leaving us fucking flapping in the wind,

and every two seconds, you guys are like, yeah, for fucking nothing. So that's good. Let's keep that energy. We didn't fly all the way to Brisbane to fucking bomb three consecutive shows, all right, guys? If this starts going badly, let's put on a fourth one after this. Let's see how many, you know like, how Pink

has the world record for most number of people in world labour? Let's see if we can have the most consecutive numbers of bombs in a row in world comedy history. In a town that Nick Carr lives in. Fucking hell, yeah. We can beat Pink himself.

Pink cheeks from walking up those stairs. That's good stuff. Just before backstage I said, man, I'm sorry about the fucking fat jokes I made about you on stage at the last thing. That's not me. But I just feel like cleanse the slate for when I do them again now.

That's what I mean. It's like you go to confessional and you go, sorry about all those awful things that I did. Now for another week of getting down to business before I'm back in the booth next Sunday going, forgive me, Father, for I've touched a kid. All right. Now that that's out of the way, time for another big week for me.

As opposed to my philosophy, never admit weakness. Just keep doing it and don't bat an eyelid. So, where is that fat cunt? Our mate. It's good to be in Brisbane with friends.

It does feel like a 10.30 gig and then all of a sudden we have to check ourselves and go, it's six o'clock. Yeah, the sun's out. It is. This is, yeah, this is not, you know what this is? We should do this every time. It's like follow-up gig across the street, smaller crowd. This is us separating the wheat from the chaff.

Yeah. This is what it is. You guys are all wheat. The chaff have all gone home. Yeah. All right. I'm trying, What do you want? I'm trying to pump you up and you're like,

yeah, whatever. Call me tough, that again. Don't compliment us. You guys don't realise he's trying to compliment you. You're now the thing that makes cornflakes or whatever the fuck. It's the nicest thing you can say to a crowd. Yeah, you're the thing that my girlfriend's allergic to.

Podcast fans. She's never been to a gig, never listened. Yeah, really? Yeah. Not for her. I mean, look, podcast fans don't know anything about your girlfriend. I don't really know much about your girlfriend. All I know is what you've told me,

because she's never really around the house when we record. You sort of fumigate her out of the house When we do the show No, she has a job, so she's at her job Right I don't really La-di-da We record at 11pm at night

So she's dead insecure No, that's No All I know All I know is what you've told me And you said she's bisexual No, that's... No. All I know is what you've told me, and you said she's bisexual. She wasn't before she met you, but she's... Yeah, in the last couple of weeks, she's like, there's got to be a better way.

Someone, somewhere, sometime is going to be able to find this fucking thing, I swear to God. There we go. Let's go. Now we are. No, let's turn this. Cooking with gasoline.

Let's re-intro it as a proper episode. Let's put this right. We can garbage that shit over the road. That could be. Piff that. Make this the episode. All right. Yes.

But let's do the same topics and the same stories that we told over there, but just tell them to the same people. And then what? You're saying no to something bad. That's weird. Heckling with a mask on is great. Yeah. How are you?

Should we get our guests out here? Or should we... We're having so much fun. Wow, you thought this was good. We're having so much fun just as big boys without any guests to back us up. Yeah, it's true. It's really true. Quick, get them out. No follow-up. Alright. It's really true. Quick, get them out.

No follow-up. Yeah. All right, let's do it. All right, let's please welcome to the stage our two guests. It's rare that we have guests on Talking Dumb Dumb, but we've got two of them here today. Please welcome. Why are you shifting your stool?

Are you worried we won't all fit on the stage? Please welcome on to Talking Dumb Dumb, Nick Carr and Nick Cody. Oh. Nick Carr is back. Yeah. We did comedy. So true, bestie. What? Just shut up, bestie. What?

Just, just, shut up, cunt. Of course you'll find out. Yeah. No, Nick Carr brought a bag. It's a roast chicken. It's my fucking lunch. Leave me alone. They're $10.

It already comes in a bag. Don't be mad greedy. Nick Carr comes in that bag. Yeah. Hey, oh, yeah, just me. We were all taking turns out the back and it was funny. Now. As if he's not going to come in a bag that has a roast chook in it.

He likes that. This is Brisbane. They like me here. You can't go too hard. Do they? Do they really? Yeah, they like me. Hey, Carr.

When was the last time you ate a whole roast chicken? Oh. When was the last time you went absolutely hell for leather on the bachelor's handbag? Okay, so like last weekend, I was... Oh, wow, that long ago. It was like me and my girl, like I bought a roast chicken. My girlfriend said go get like breast chicken and make sandwiches. So I bought breast chicken, but then I was like, hey, what makes you a better sandwich?

A roast chicken. And so we ate the breast chicken the first day and then the second day I was like well I've just got this roast chicken here it was like last weekend

that was it why do we need a story you can't leave it in there though man it gets all gelatinous in the fucking bag only if you leave it in there that long

I didn't leave it in there that long let's give her her proper title please future lesbian Nick Carr's girlfriend fuck I wish that wasn't true yeah leave it in that long. Let's give her her proper title, please. Future Lesbian Nick Carr's Girlfriend. Fuck, I wish that wasn't true.

Yeah. I wish that that wasn't my track record. Yeah, two of my last two long-term girlfriends. Oh, is this true? Yeah, two of my... Is this actually true? My last two long-term girlfriends are legitimately lesbians. Man, you're like one of those

southern US preachers, like, you're a lesbian now. Touch it, you've got the lesbian. Wow. Two. Two. The Converter. Sounds like a Denzel Washington film.

The Converter. They're a lot less happy than he would leave them but yeah. Because he's a really good actor. Yeah, yeah, yeah Man, you know, Denzel Washington is my favourite actor And I do not know any character name he has

I'm like, oh, fucking Denzel's a cop, sick Denzel's flying a plane, this will be fucking sick It's like Ernest Goes to Camp, that's any Denzel movie Fucking Denzel's a political activist, sick Just watch it for Denzel Denzel does it again Denzel does it again Denzel Washington a political activist. Sick. Just watch it for Denzel. Denzel does it again. Denzel does it again. Denzel Washington is Jeffrey Epstein.

Cody's favourite movie. Can I just ask, how quickly did your ex-girlfriends convert? Like, from the last sexual encounter with you... Oh, it's got to be mid-growl. Okay. Wow. Okay, it's got to be mid-growl. Okay. Wow. Okay, alright.

That's absurdly accurate. No, one of them was... Was it just like you were sort of like, you know, the middle, you were the, like, you know... Were you sort of like the middle because... I'm overweight, I wear band t-shirts and cargo shorts, yeah, I'm definitely...

Right, right, right. You're the half-by-house. Yeah, that's it. I'm a good... So the first one... So one of them... You didn't know she was gay the whole time. Yeah, one of them.

It was afterwards, then she moved to Ireland and now she's with a girl... Fiddly-dee, I'm gay. I love that. Oh, I found a four-leaf clover, i.e. I broke up with Nick Carr. I didn't know that's what the river dance was. Yeah, that was the problem. Not going out with Nick Carr anymore, the luck of the Irish.

Yeah, that was it. Maybe that's why she moved to Ireland. It was the same transition because I was doing nothing from here up. That's Murphy's Law. What's that mean? That's a deep cut Riverdance thing because they don't move from here up. No, we're all across it.

We're all big fans of Riverdance. I mean, we all got that. This cun who has absolutely no hope of finding the pot of gold. I'm out of here. Yeah. And then the second one was like a lesbian and then we dated for a bit

and then she was like nah that was the first time she went back to it this is thanks man man that's like going I'll give footy a go again

you watch Fremantle V GWS you're like footy sucks nah nah nah wrong game you try footy again, then you go, hang on, I'm Dylan Alcott. Nah, it's not going to work. He's doing better

than me. Don't worry about him. You couldn't even be Australian of today. I couldn't even beat someone else at tennis that's in a wheelchair. So he's doing fine. It's fine. That's a funny joke.

It always helps when you say that, I reckon. I think that calms everyone down and makes them realise you were right the whole time. I'm a good bloke. Oh, sorry, sorry Carl We were wrong Did you guys see Carl's head at the show over at Lefties Right

Oh my god I was like did Carl take his hat off or did his forehead just have an idea God I was like, did Carl take his hat off or did his forehead just have an idea? God. He's back.

I think you're turning a few lesbians in the crowd, to be honest. Oh, my God. I think you better ring up Make-A-Wish and order a laptop, cunt. You're going bald. Oh, man. You're a laptop cunt. You're going bald. I can't do anything when I'm being roasted by this. Like that's... What can you do?

If there's one guy who knows his way around a roast, it's this cunt. Oh, wow. Wow. Oh, no. Jesus. It's a hero's journey. We've Oh, no. Jesus. It's a hero's journey. We've built her up too much.

Jesus Christ. You're in Queensland, cunt. Yeah. Have you ever got a bigger laugh than that ever? Nah, man, I'm quitting comedy right now. This is good. Leave on top. You're going out of the top.

Yeah, this is sick. Thanks, guys. I need an excuse. This is good. Mate, you know the worst bit? I came up here to do two of my own shows and then I got maggoted at someone else's. I'm like, oh, fuck, I've still got to work.

Are you asking me to do one of your shows? Is that what's happening? No, let's not go that far. So you did our show, our podcast, then we did a stand-up show, now we're doing Talking Dumb Dumb. You've got two shows to go. You've got Nick Cody and Friends.

More Friends the better, I reckon. Make this up, Gala, 27 people doing three minutes would be sweet. Nick Cody and everyone he's ever met. Sounds good. Mid-flight brawl, I sit there while a creepy man that speaks French reads his manifesto. I'm just here to smooth the edges out, man. So the fucking feds don't kick our door in.

That's it, because I was going to do your Nick Coney and Friends show and then I realised that none of your friends were doing it. So it's just a bunch of fucking open mic randoms from Brisbane. No, there's a good comic. Man, Damien Powell was on.

Oh, sick. Yeah, sick comics. Man, I couldn't even get booked on that one. I thought you wanted to do it and I go, we've got an open mic from Melbourne

and... That's bad for me. Fucker, man. That's bad. Man, it's bad. That's bad. Talking That's bad That's bad Talking dumb dumb, we're doing it This is the chill part of the show

We're more relaxed It's more fun It's less funny But this week The script is flipped This week it's better That's a lot of different businesses In one small street here There is isn't there It's a lot of different businesses in one small street here.

There is, isn't there? It's a great street. I love it. Lefties, good chat. The Caxton. And then across the street from the Caxton you've got the strippers. The strippers. There's one around the corner as well.

There's a honey bees club. Anyone ever hit up honey bees? And then there's like Love and Rob just around the corner. They're very close. Oh, you know where they all are, do you? That's surprising. I just like to know where to avoid. Yeah, yeah.

Right. You're like me at the airport. Just platinum everywhere, bro. Yeah. We're getting in the lounge. We're getting in the Honeybees lounge if we follow a car. I mean, it's sort of weird for the whole point of it, but how have you got like a loyalty card everywhere?

I'm very loyal. I'm the king of the bunker. You're king of the air, I'm king of the... I'm sad and I like strip clubs. I think that's the... Anyway, no, this is... Okay, talk to Cody again. How many women in this area that work at those venues

do you think have been told by one stage of Nick Carr that he can take them out of here? Oh, no, I did, okay, so, I don't know,

this is a deep cut, but like, ages ago, when we did the show at the Globe, I told a story where I was like, I once told a stripper

that she smelled like a Billy Joel song sounds. Yeah. That was at Love and Rock it was right across the road. Okay, right.

That's pretty good, yeah, that worked. For the people that want to do the reality tour. Yeah. And then, the thing For the people that want to do the reality tour. Yeah. And then the part of that story at Intel

was I walked her home. I got her home to South Bank and then I got her a job at the strip club in Toowoomba. So you elevated her from one strip club to another strip club. No, you took her from Brisbane to Toowoomba. You dropped her to second grade, you fucking idiot. What are you doing, man? This is not a brag. Man, I got a chicken fucking strip club Brisbane to Toowoomba. You dropped out of second grade, you fucking idiot. What are you doing, man? This is not a brag.

Man, I got a chicken fucking strip club gig in Toowoomba. I could strip in Toowoomba. Okay, I don't know if you've been reading the news, Triple M, but there's a fucking airport in Toowoomba now. There's a lot of fly-in, fly-out workers that are cashed up and there's no fucking beach here to spend jet ski money in. It's strip club goldmine. Because the way you pitched it,

it does sound like a coach sitting like front row of the MCG watching the AFL going, you'd fucking kill it in under 14s, honestly. I could make you a star. Yeah. Did you become a pimp?

I could make you a star or a lesbian. Either way, whichever way they want to go, I'll help them. I think you became an unknowing pimp. You don't even know. I think you're a pimp. I was like, you want to fuck guys here or here and give me a cut? I'll walk you out.

Hey dude, give me 20 bucks and you fuck that guy right there. You're a pimp. Snoop Carrey car. You're a plump pimp. Carl, I love you But please Some new rap references I know

Snoop Carrey car What have you got I don't know Notorious B.I.G Two chins Yes I like that Notorious really B.I.G

Cardi B vascular disease. Not so little Nas. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No. Little Nas XL. Fuck. Yeah, we did it. Bullying is fun.

Kanye West, East, North and South. Okay. Oh, God. This is destroying my brain. 50 Tons? Oh! Vanilla ice cream. Oh, yeah.

That's older than Snoop Dogg. I went backwards. You went older. Damn! Eminence. Oh, yeah. What are some good current ones? backwards damn M&M's yeah what are some good current ones this is killing me

can we all think together to bully our friend come on guys peace and quiet can someone get me another beer thank you

making the young boys I don't get what that's about oh we still in the what was that that's just

the actual fat rapper yeah he's he's really big fat joe he's just also a fat rapper

yeah yeah um all the M&M's yeah all the M&M's Yeah All the M&M's That's good Yeah

Brainstorming bullying does take the fun out of it Yeah I like the tension that's created I like where you're going You're also saying he's fat with a rapper name

but Yeah It was funny when we were just going bang bang bang and we would look like professionals and now

we're showing you behind the curtain of bullying. Yeah, making our audience go, oh, MC Fat Cunt. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. LLKG.

Oh, what about Australian rapper All Day Buffet? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's good. That's good. Friend of the show. Phil Top Foods. Bullying is quite hard and I don't think there's credit. Yeah, that's it.

Credit where it's due. If you fucking nail a nickname, you're putting in a bit of work. When I go home and I cry tonight, I'll be thinking, man, fucking Cody and Carl and Tommy really just fucked. They got the elbow grease in, they brought it. This is good. I'm so proud of them. You'll have some good tunes to listen to.

All right, thank you. Yep, there we go. Excellent. Man, I'm blown out, too. You know what? I did Chandler this week. I think you'd appreciate this. Started running again.

I haven't run since I lived in Brisbane. Sorry, what? I think it's the only place where my runners work. Fuck, it was hard hard Running is just shit It's not a real good time If you do a lap at Suncorp Stadium Wally Lewis to Wally Lewis 1k on the dot

Wow I reckon I could eat a whole Coles roast chicken By the time you did that lap Wow Well we've got important business to get to We have to read out some names For the love of God We have to read out some names. For the love of God.

We have to read out some names. We have to thank some Patreon subscribers. And as you know, if you listen at home to Talking Dumb Dumb, the way that we keep it fair is that we have the unplanned title alternator that spits out the names. I brought it up with me on a USB. I got a little upgrade. I've been able to jack it in, so there we go. We've got the unplanned title alternator up here

on the screen with us. So there it is. For those of you at home that have never seen it, there's a little treat for the people in the room. What's that from? Perfect Match. No, shut up. It's not from anything.

It's the unplanned title alternator from the little dum-dum club. That's Queensland, isn't it? Perfect match. That was shot here? I think so. I think Heggie's teacher was on it and just copped shit for years. You imagine that? You imagine being Heggie's teacher? Fuck. Bad time. At least they had the strap

then. And probably chop off fingers and shit. He's an old cunt. But... Do you reckon he got the cane back in the day? No, he did. He's an old cunt. Do you reckon he got the cane back in the day? No, he did. He told me before. My son Charlie sent him a video saying, Heggie likes eggies. Wait, your kid and Heggie go back and forth over

text? My son's 18. He hid his head. But, no, he sent Heggie this video. Heggie's just sending messages going, stretch your foreskin out, your dad'll love it. Heggie said, have you told him? And I'm like, what did I tell him?

Heggie likes eggy. Like, hey man, send this a week after I leave. No, he's three, fuck it. He just thought of it. And he said, no, because when I was in high school, somebody said, Heggie did an eggy, he farted. And then he went to some school around, if anyone knows the school he went to, I forget, it was one of the Christian schools.

Terrace? Yeah. How would you know that? I think he's mentioned it before. He was like, yeah I did a fart and he got the cane for doing a fart. What? Which does beg the question, how bad did it smell?

Yeah. That's the real issue. The cane, like I'm so, I think I'm the same age as Hedgy. There was no cane when I grew up. You grew up in fucking soft Melbourne, mate. That ain't you.

Yeah. No, Miraburra. Miraburra is the Queensland of Victoria. You fucking cop a beet poem at you in Melbourne. A what? A beat poem. Oh, a beat poem. Yeah, you know shit rap?

It's called beat poetry. Yeah. So when you love rap, you also own a skivvy. We're getting way less funny. Speak for yourself. That's not bode well for me. All right, so what are we doing? We're getting into names.

Yeah, should we get into some names? So we want to... Should we... Yeah. Like, it's a weird thing to ask that and think that the crowd are going to go, yes, names! Five random names.

Finally. We're going to be completely random, right? Yeah, well, look, as we've done it last time, I've actually sort of narrowed the focus on the unplanned title alternative to just people that are within a couple of kilometres. Oh, you've shot the radio, like on Tinder? Yes, exactly.

Like when you're on Tinder? No, like on Grindr. Right, right. What's that, Tinder? Yeah. Okay, all right. Anyway, so... Tinder's the yucky one.

Right. Grindr's the cool one. Right, cool. Place to meet fellas. Yeah. Love hanging with the boys. Get some fellas around and talk about video games and stuff. Yeah.

How to meet women. Yuck. Yeah. Exactly. What are you... Anyway, all right. Pods all get very sexual. And?

Yeah. All right. I've narrowed the, I've programmed the UTA. We've done a narrowing of focus. So hopefully we get some Queenslanders read out today. Should we hit the big red button? Yeah, please. Big maroon button, fuckhead. Yeah, there we go.

and fuckhead. Yeah, there we go. That's probably, yeah, so you're going to have to like, yeah, sorry, yeah. Oh, wow, the UTA can speak. Cool. You can't coward punch this soft Melbourne keyboard.

I'm so sorry. It's spoken beep boops. Only I can understand it for the listener at home. I've been studying robot language. All right. I've been self-isolating for years. I can understand it for the listener at home. I've been studying robot language. I've been self-isolating for years. I can understand zeros and ones

and translate them into English. Well, we certainly could understand zeros over the road before, but anyway. Oh, I can't wait to go home. Oh, it's alright, alright! Alright! I won't say that anymore! I love that I've now got to a point where I'm talking about bombing

and bombing talking about bombing. It's fine. All right, no more, no more. I'm only killing from now on. Because over the road... Shut up, idiot. It was fun. Everyone had a good time over the road.

Yeah, it was so fun. I was standing at the back. It seemed like a really good time. But this guy's like... All right, you've turned me around. I won't kill myself until I get home. All right, you've turned me around. I won't kill myself until I get home. All right? You happy?

Not in the street. Big, big effort. I'll save it. Trust me, once you've turned a few lesbians, you know not to listen to unpleasant feedback. What? Hang on. The lesson got very muddy there.

Really good advertisement for beer, that one. Tommy was about to commit Queensland suicide, which is going to the Caxton and asking for a rum and diet coke. You let a stranger sort it out for you. Do you need cosmopolitans here? Do you mind if I wear my mask in here? All right, here we go. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber.

First cab off the rank this week. Thank you very much. Two. Craig Dealing. Craig Dealing. That's you. Is that really you? Yes.

Stand up and show yourself to everyone. Great! Are you in your pyjamas right now? He's got your shirt on, fuckhead. No, but also you've got... He does have very short shorts. You've got very short shorts that look like my daughter's

shorts. You... He bought the one medium little dum-dum club shirt. A rare treat. Yeah, I remember you, the guy that didn't buy any the one medium little dum-dum club shirt. A rare treat. Yeah. I remember you. You, the guy that didn't

buy any 4XLs today. Well done. I like it. I like the look. Are you going to wear that shirt to bed from now on? No.

Oh yeah, that's a formal shirt. Yeah, it's good. I like the shorts. What's the pattern meant to be on your shorts? They're a board shorts.

Yeah, no, I know. I know what shorts are. But like, oh, they're like, it's kind of like... That's very condescending for a Queenslander trying to explain shorts to Victorians. You would know. You would have seen these in movies. You know what you wear two days a year?

Yeah. We got there. Shut up, cunt. And what's underneath the shorts? Oh, jeez. Get them off. So Dealing, have I got that pronunciation right? Dealing.

Right. How's life been with that name? Fine? You know what's good? This guy's been wearing a mask for the entire show and he's like, well, now that I'm being talked about, I guess I'd better look. Before I was like not putting any spittle onto them

but now I'll just amp it up now that I'm part of the hoi polloi I guess I can show my face and risk getting it's not your fault

as I said before he went from mask on to a toilet yelling with no mask have you given up you're fucking you know what I love you're fully Queensland

now bro that's the best bit there's a vibe in this place no masks the government are lying. I've got a few things to say. Someone came up to me last night and was like,

yeah, you know, it's kicking off here. It's really kicking off. People are pretty stressed. People are pretty stressed about catching it. Why have you got your mask on? I told you this. You loved this the other day. But I take my child

I take a little blanket swimming every Friday this is the weirdest honestly one of the weirdest things I've ever heard very odd very odd behaviour more than a man

leaving his child? more than leaving his family to go to Thailand I heard this and I went hold on I've got to readjust. That's two, this is one. I take my child to the pool every Friday

and I wear a mask in the pool. It's an indoor pool. The pool's fucking packed. And I've got, I had this gig coming up, I've got Thailand coming up, and I'm like, I don't want to fucking catch COVID from any of these cunts. So I wear a mask in the pool, and this is what happens. Every week when I go in there with a mask on,

the lifeguard comes up and goes, take that mask off. Like, what do you mean? And he's like, you don't have to wear the mask in the pool. I'm like, yeah, I know I don't have to, but I'm just trying not to get COVID. He's like, no, you take it off. I'm like, aren't you a lifeguard? Aren't you trying to save my life

not trying to get me COVID? Every week it fucking happens. Man, the chlorine in a public pool. Right. You're good to go. But I'm not swimming in piss.

I'm not swimming. He's trying to stop you from waterboarding yourself a little bit every week. But you also, it's funny that you do that because you had a COVID scare just before Christmas

and you got a test and you isolated and then like, fresh out the door you were like, got the negative result. I was like, what are you doing today?

You're like, I'm off to Chadston. Just massive shopping center in Melbourne. It's like, better mask up in the pool. Yeah, but man, you know,

I haven't got it. Like so many people have got it and I mask up at the comedy clubs. That's a great point. I also haven't had it and I'm not a dumb cunt at the pool. There's some places I think you avoid it. I do

really. Do you do this? Do you look down at people that have got it? That have had it so far? Because I'm like you fucking idiots. I'm kicking your ass. I haven't got it. You're dumber than me. But aren't you worried? I think I must be a fucking genius. I haven't got it.

No, I look down because there was a thing for two years in Victoria, like if you have a symptom, you go get tested. But with two young kids, it's like someone in the house has a symptom at fucking all times. Nobody's going to get tested. It's got to be real bad. I just think people are having fun. It makes me jealous when we're like,

we all got it at the fucking New Year's Eve orgy. I'm like, fuck! Right, right. It was asleep before the adult fireworks. It fucking sucks. And Carl, aren't you worried by setting such a high standard for yourself being like, I'm better than everyone else for not getting it,

but when you do get it, it's going to be bad? Let's say you had a podcast where you spent 10 years making fun of someone for slowly going bald, and then you took... No. You took your hat off. That's not true. You took your hat off at a live pod.

Oh, no. And you look like the bad guy from the first sitting. No, no, no. No, no, no. I've never made any bald jokes about Tommy. Really? Yeah, yeah. Go back, check the records.

I wasn't talking about... We've got 500 of them Yeah Go for it I've got a folder of clips I can send you ready to go Go for it I wasn't making any specific claims Go for it I'm just saying that

Now you look like The third member of Tripod Like it's Oh no Not yet Not yet Not yet No no no

When you come back from Thailand With some fucking sick plugs, bro, I'm going to be like... Fucking Warnie, the king of spins back. He's got to get a few braids in. Check out these braids. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. He's a bald cunt sucked in.

Oh. Yeah. Man, the fucking chubby boys with some luscious hair over here. The fucking chubby gingers in Queensland. Yeah, we can't go outside. Yes. We can't go outside. It is brutal considering it's coming from you

who is absolutely on your fucking... well on your way as well, but you're overlooking that. My forehead's always been this far back, baby. It's those caveman mongoloid jeans. Right, okay. Yeah, I'm not very good at math, but fuck, my hair is glorious.

I guess so. Like, it's that thing where you've got red hair where you go, fuck, I wish I was bald. It is nice to have gotten it out of the way in my 20s and made my peace with it. Don't get me wrong. I would kill literally every single person in this room for a full head of hair. Man, it's delicious. But, you know, I've made my peace with it. Don't get me wrong. I would kill literally every single person in this room

for a full head of hair. Man, it's delicious. I've made my peace with it. It's you. I reckon you're good forever, I reckon. Oh, dude. Yeah, your mum's dad

and I'm, oh, man. Maybe when you're like 75. Shooting this ad, they were like, dude, there's so much hair. We can do so much stuff. I'm like, fucking cut it off

or grow back. I don't care. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is forever. Yeah. Yeah, fuck. I mean, I remember, no, it's fine. I don't care. This is forever. Yeah. Yeah, fuck, I mean, no, it's fine.

I remember going to... No, look, you're number one on this stage. Like, there's Tommy that's, you know, already dealt with it.

Me going through it. You're dealing with fucking just heaps of shit. So, it's all happening at once. It's fucking unfortunate. But anyway. That's when Tommy was saying the zeros and ones

before he was describing your head. It was like 0-0-0-1, 0-0-0-1. Yeah, I was counting follicles. I guess so. I tried. It's fine. It's all bullying fun. I thought that was very funny, yeah. I was just trying to make sense of it. I really love it when it's all bullying fun I thought that was very funny

I was just trying to make sense of it I really love it when it's not me it's like getting bullied I mean it's so good I've never seen someone more excited sorry I'll turn it away

this is your day you were like a you were like a rabbit dog you were just going for it well thanks Craig Dealing oh yeah

yeah yeah yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Don't forget to give Don't forget to give my daughter's pyjamas back to me

at the end of the gig. You're Craig Dealing. Carl's balding. Oh. Wow. Wow. How does that make me stand up for Carl?

That's the most exercise you've done in ten years. What a stretch. Let's hit the big red button once again. All right. Oh, fuck. I forgot. We've never had such confidence.

It's good. They're the best at good chat. Yep. Thank you. Good chat. Oh, yeah. Shout out to... Honestly, it's so good that Brisbane's finally got a fucking sick comedy room.

I don't know if people have been to the other... No bueno. Let's not name it, but you know. But yeah, shout out. If you're in Brisbane and you're listening, go see some stand-up at Good Chat. No, actually go to the other one because it is fucking terrible. It's worth a look for how bad comedy can be. Yeah, true, I guess.

If you want to hear the actual joke that Mel talked about in the episode Over the Road, it will be at Sit Down for the Next 20-odd Years. Also, I love Chandler going,

I never have a job on commercial radio than doing the opposite of commercial radio. Should we plug this thing? No, I'll plug the opposite because it's funny. Temporarily.

McDonald's, don't do that. Fucking just cook a meal yourself you fucking moron. How good are Whoppers? Yeah. How good are Whoppers? I'm bald. It's my cardigan,

you're bald. Come on, we've got to get through it. We're running out of time. No, I like it. It's good. No, let him go. He's finally getting a laugh.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Richard Hughes. Oh, my good lord. Oh, wow. Hughes-y. Have we got it? There he is. Richard Hughes is here. Having a great time at the show.

Yeah, I'm in a basement. It's just good to be here. Has everyone turned around and seen who it is? So everyone knows Hughes. Open a packet of Carl's hair follicles, they're all dead. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It had to be something recent.

It had to be something that fit the format. God. Jesus. I mean, I was fine with it coming from him, but... What I don't like is the huesy that drinks looks better than the huesy that doesn't. You've got to get on the sauce, huesy. What? Oh, no, we shouldn't ask this guy.

Oh, man. Let's not talk to this guy. This is where I die. I don't know what happens. Oh! Oh, fuck! Yes, I do remember. Hang on, he was your landlord.

So when I lived here for four months in 2020, Hughsy was my landlord. Fucking, yeah. Fucking bitch. Man 2020, Hughsy was my landlord. Fucking, yeah. Fucking bitch. Another Hughsy's his landlord. Yep. Hughsy's done it again. And guess what?

I fucked in your house and I got a second kid, boss. Oh. Too late to get that cleaning fee. I didn't leave a mess. All up in there making babies. You're welcome. If I can call you Hughsy, Hughsy, you'd be pretty happy with everyone here

not wearing a mask, wouldn't you? That was one of the weirdest things. I think the NBN or something was getting installed and I answered the door and he's like, Nick? Hey, man. He's like, I listen to Dumb Dumb Club. I'm like, I didn't think they could pay rent You've got an investment property

and another property That's great I fucking love this guy Brisbane Husey I did fuck at your house Thank you very much You changed my life I do appreciate it

Thanks for the ceiling fans in the little bedrooms Kept it cool enough Now I've got a son Yeah, thanks a lot Craig Dealing None of us got to even jack off in your house Ceiling fans in the lower bedrooms kept it cool enough. Now I've got a son. Yeah, thanks a lot, Craig Dealing. None of us got to even jack off in your house. Yeah. If we don't get a root in your car, we're taking your man back.

This guy's a legend. I think I've done this on the pod. Sorry, did someone say something about rooting in a car? A friend of mine works at Hughesy's management company and he had a kid recently and he got a text from Hughesy saying, just heard the news you know, congratulations to you

and the wife and my friend writes back and he goes oh yeah, you know, yeah, we're really you know, we're excited, we're overwhelmed, yeah it's so exciting, it's great, she's really happy and she's healthy and Hughesy just writes back, the miracle of life I read a screenshot and she's healthy, and Hughsey just writes back, the miracle of life. I read Screenshot and he's like,

God, reading it in the voice is so good. Imagine Hughsey's wife giving birth, he's like, this is the best baby I've ever had. Never forget that. Never forget that. I love you. You're a great epidural. Never forget that. I love you. You're a great epidural. Never forget that. We love Hughsey, by the way.

Hughsey's the best. Hughsey rocks. By the way, I use Hughsey as a litmus test. I think I may have said on the episode with Harley the other week, I use him as a litmus test for life. If I'm having some beers at home on a weeknight, because he does breakfast radio, and he'll be in Melbourne a bunch.

I think, fuck, I'm having a few beers. I should go to bed. And I open Twitter and he's like, fucking Dan Andrews, oh, fucking it's all over, man. And I'm like, nah, I've got a couple more beers in me. I'm all right. So if Hughsy's going,

it's when Hughsy turns off Twitter. That's when I go to bed. That's the thing. If you ever see someone kick off and say all these fuck things and then you see someone, like you see someone saying something normal and then you see someone saying, no, there's no such fucking thing as COVID. If you click see someone kick off and say all these fuck things and then you see someone, like you see someone saying something normal and then you see someone saying, no, there's no such fucking thing as COVID.

If you click on that profile, you'll see followed by Dave Hughes. Every time. I don't know why he follows all the fucking gronks up to it, but every fucking time. There's something quite like that further. He's like 50 or 51. Just the energy and the spirit. I aim

to be Husey. At 50, imagine just having all that Husey's got and still like, I'm fucking sorting this down on the internet right now. I'm not going to sleep. I've got this amazing family and a house and he's like, nah, fuck that. I'm going to argue with some random cunt.

Yeah. No time for nine-night just yet. Justice must be served. No, yeah, he's amazing. He, like, owns fucking nine houses or something, or apartment buildings, or whatever the fuck it is. And if he does a gig, like, a lot of times when people, like a big name will do a gig, they're like,

don't announce me, don't, you know, mention I'm on here. He's out the front going, guess who's on tonight? Hughsy. Oh, it's still at Chandler's gig in Melbourne, Basement Comedy Club, one of the best things I've on here. He's out the front going, guess who's on tonight? Husey. Oh, it's still at Chandler's gig in Melbourne, Basement Comedy Club. One of the best things I've ever seen. Husey's on stage and there's these little windows that when you're in the basement, you can

see out to the street and somebody walking past. Yeah, you can just see their feet, but somebody bent down and looked in and he goes, come down, Husey's on. I think about it, honestly, five times a week. It makes me laugh every time. It's the best. Third person, come down, huesies on.

To a random stare, bent over, looking through a window. I've never seen someone so funny that they make this sentence work. But he does material about like being a landlord which people are obviously, like normal people are sort of like, oh he's a bit anti that, whatever. He talks about buying the house off the block, that he was meant to go to the shops to get bread and spent three million dollars on a house.

You know, relatable gear. Yeah, yeah. And then the audience somehow eats it up. It's like it's a fucking you know, tribute to him. And then he gets a fucking round of applause when he has a punchline that goes, I need the... He says he's got renters in there. He couldn't get anyone to rent.

They finally got someone in to rent. And the landlord, the real estate agent called him and said, do you mind if they have a pet? And he said, pet, I don't give a fuck. I don't care if they have a meth lab. Just get them in. Huseesy needs his yield.

How? How can you kill with the word yield? He's a fucking genius. Yield. No one has ever laughed at the word yield. Just before Christmas in Melbourne,

there was like a day where it was like super, super windy and Bella told me he was doing a gig and Husey was on and everyone's in the green room and Husey's freaking out going, has anyone got bits about the wind? Is anyone doing material about the wind? And he's like freaking out going, I've got to have a routine about the wind. And everyone's like, no, we're not doing it.

Who gives a fuck? It's just a windy day. Who cares? It's been windy for an hour. No one cares. But it's like I wish I'd been there because it's like, no, we're not doing it. Who gives a fuck? It's just a windy day. Who cares? It's been windy for an hour. No one cares. But it's like, I wish I'd been there. Because it's like, you know what you do? You get up and you go, open the packet.

It's thanks a lot. They all blew off. It's so windy. He should just, every gig, he should just do some version of that bit. It would be so sick. But then. Couldn't open the packet. They were locked down.

Thanks, Dan. But we were backstage laughing about it, going, who panics a bit about the wind? And we're laughing about it. And then he goes out there and he goes, it's been windy, everyone. Blew my windy fucking wheelie bins over. What, I can't?

And everybody goes, he's done it again. It was windy. He fucking got it. It really was a windy day. Sorry, I have a... Look, I don't know. I've never met Dave Hughes. He fucking got it. It really was a windy day. Sorry, I have a... Look, I don't know. I've never met Dave Hughes. Don't know him.

What? I don't know Hughes. I don't know Hughes. No, I've never met him. No, Richard Hughes. Yeah, I mean... Great bloke. Dickie Hughes.

Can't wait to look forward to getting to know him after the show. But I was... Sorry, you guys are all from Melbourne. I've got a bit of a Melbourne urban myth question in my head yeah because you know Cody you were talking about before

how like you know if you're like like low down in the basement you can watch from the street I heard a myth and I'm not

I'm not sure it's true but if you are like watching down there at the right time and it's windy you can watch all Carl's hair blow away

oh oh wow good good yeah good fuck my ass Oh, wow. Good. Good. Yeah! Fuck my ass. Man, honestly, honestly, I'm going to have to come to every gig of Nick Carr's.

This is the best. I'm going to have to come to every Nick Carr gig from now on, now that he's found one thing. I love it. Now he's found it. Sure, it was the longest run up, but he also set the Javelin world record. So what do you do, you know? He fucking nailed it. He nailed the throw. Sorry, stop the show.

God. My, uh... Oh, wow. Oh, no. My shoulder hurts from drawing that very long bow. Yeah. I got a stitch just being near that. Oh, fucking hell.

I got a stitch looking at you. All right. Thanks, Richard Hughes. Come on, we've got to crank these along. We've got to be out of here soon. Sorry for what I said about your house. What, what?

Oh, alright. Here we go. Oh, yeah, we've got your... Five minutes. Mate, hey! This officially becomes... This officially becomes Nick Coney and Friends.

No? Oh, that's rude. Okay. Alright. Are we in trouble? Are we in trouble? Oh, we don't have time for beer. Okay. No, it's I have to wait five minutes

before I can have a beer again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got to race through these. Wow. There's a fucking egg timer for this Elko. Eggs, that's funny. You know what else is bald? Fuck.

Man. This... Fuck Man This You know how it's got fucked hair? A baby chicken Alright, here we go Your head looks like the part of my tummy That rubs on my shirt It is It is

Man Oh god It's so disconcerting to be towed up towed up by someone that looks this fucked yeah

and this this unfunny yeah I'm ugly sucked in your bald cunts yeah I'm not I'm really not that that far off you though

oh okay yeah fair no no it's I'm the only one that noticed it I'm making it up yeah no no no no no no no it's not me it's I'm not defending myself I'm just saying you're yeah it's fine it's I'm the only one that noticed it. I'm making it up, yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, it's not me.

I'm not defending myself. I'm just saying you're... Yeah, it's fine. It's fine. I'm just saying. I'm not defending myself. I'm just saying. We're just how we rehearse it.

Good stuff. We have to measure it over time. I'm just saying. We have to measure it over time, mate. There's plenty there. All right, shake both our heads And we'll fucking weigh it Alright Well we can weigh something

Read out another name We'll try and get the show going All of a sudden you want to talk about something else We've got to do at least ten more names Oh yeah okay I think one of these names rhymes with roast chicken I was going to say Liverpool covering liver spots. It's not that bad.

Just that it's close, I'm just having a crack. I don't get it. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Brad Turner. He loves it. Not. Turnsy Not Not

Not No shorts at a Chandler gig please There's no trophy I exist There's no trophy on offer No no I exist and that has been acknowledged What?

That's what it is. He gets what? Oh, that's the, he gets it guy. What's going on? No. I get it. Right, right, right. This guy.

Okay, for people at home, he was standing behind us at the stand-up gig and he kept saying he gets it and that was getting a laugh at some stage. Right. If that's how I get COVID, I swear to God, I'm going to go fucking mental.

No, don't. No, no, no. Can only get COVID if you get tested. It's called sucking it up, fuckheads. Have a few vitamin C and push on. We already had two.

I love sucking it up. Yeah. Brad Turner, what do you got? Yeah, we're getting... All right, we're getting the light. Yeah, we know. That's my show next, Jake. This is helping me.

The only shows that are happening are your two shows. If you say, let's keep going, we can keep going. No, I can't. That does change things. Why don't you get these people in? Keep going a little bit. I'm actually at this club all the time, guys. Just so you know, the light means you've probably got another 15-20 minutes

to make fun of how bald to make fun of how bald Carl is the light means get the gum boot out and drink beer out of it Jake put the torch on his bag and he's trying to find his phone oh no no no he's got his phone he's trying to tell Carl

I'm bald too, I support you. We should extend the gig. It's the first time you've ever got a laugh, cunt. So, you know, let's keep going. Oh, no. I reckon we're going to be hearing about this for a bit, Chando. Why? We've done it.

We did it. Yeah, we did it. You already walked up to us. What else do you want? I did that. You do it. Wow. I'm going to call my wife.

I'm going to fuck in your house, Brad. Yeah. I'm making babies in everyone's house on this list. Said like a true bloke, I'm making babies. I made a baby. Did you conceive your son up here? Yeah. Oh, right.

I guess that makes sense. At his house. At his house. Yeah. Hey, Brad, how about you turn around and I'll fuck your ass? There we go. There we go. There we go.

There we go. There we go. There we go. Do you have children? You don't. Okay. Me, Richard. He's got the bed, man.

The magic bed. I would have said Brad Dad. That would have been good. Could have been something. There we go. That was fine. I'm going to fuck him and that will do. That's enough.

That's enough. Smooth transition. I'm going to fuck him. That's enough. Smooth transition. We got it. We got it. I'm going to fuck him. Let's go. All right, next one. That's all people want when they sign up to this thing.

So, next up. What's the thing? What do you mean the thing? We did it. I said, oh, fuck you. That's the thing. This isn't the dress rehearsal. What's the thing? You did your name.

You didn't do your name. Your parents did your name. You didn't do your name. Your parents did your name. I said... Yeah, you fuck all of them. You're a pedophile. You're into bestiality. You suck off your dad. Your mum fingers you.

You listen to this. Some would say the worst of the lot. Is that good enough? My leash? He is a major shareholder. He's a major shareholder. Are we good?

Are we good? I've got... Well, the people have spoken. We should be another 20 minutes. Sorry, I just said next name, but you two are holding hands like you're a fucking one number off Powerball and I just... You've really got to calm the holding hands like you're fucking one number off Powerball and I just...

You've really got to calm the farm. You're like, come on, baby! No Division 2 up in here. That's good. That's good sports bet having the odds on what names are going to come out on Talking Dum Dum. Paying $1, Rick Smith. Fucking feeling good.

Also, just like someone demanding, you need to make more of the name Brad Turner. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I can't. We just got a note. He was 45 minutes late. What I like to think is he was waiting for his name to be read. He's like, finally, I can enter. He's walking five minutes late. What I like to think is he was waiting

for his name to be read. He's like, finally, I can enter. He's walking five minutes in, he's got his name read out and gone, not enough.

Is he funnier than me? Should we swap? Oh, man. Don't start. Don't set that precedent. Don't ever ask that question again, mate, for your own good.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Tyra Smith-McLaughlin. Oh, boy question again, mate. For your own good. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Tyra Smith-McLaughlin. Oh, boy. Sorry, guys. Division 2 winners. Do we have a Tyra Smith-McLaughlin here? Oh, how brutal. You what?

You bought his tickets. Sounds sort of like a her to me, but... Tyra. Tyra's a he? Really? Tyra's a man name. Man, what are you shocked by? I'm amazed that there's a double-barrel surname that listens to this.

I thought they were all highfalutin fucking billions types. He bought a ticket and he's not here. He sold them and he's gone to Tasmania. Mona Foam is on at the moment. Don't tell me he's gone. Well, I was going to go to the little dum-dum club, but I'd rather go to the arts festival at Mona in Tasmania. It's like that.

The idea that someone is into both of those things is absurd. We are the equivalent of that gallery down there when they have cunts on a wall. So that's sort of us. In a room of shit. I understand your confusion, Cody, thinking they're like two surnames that's like progressive. But here in Queensland, it's not like we're progressive,

I'll take the woman. It's like usually post-divorce up here. Oh, really? Yeah. What do you mean? We'll have to split the names because we've been divorced recently. That doesn't make sense at all. You leave that in the past.

It's called a divorce. Okay, all right. No, no, no. I was trying to help you. No, I appreciate it. So what, people get divorced and then go, I actually want your name. No, no, no. I want my old name and I want my kids to have both the names.

Oh, sucked in. You got divorced, fuck it. You missed out. Can't tell me what to do when I'm single. Eat shit. It's Charlie Big Dog and Max Big Dog. Sorry, I'm just running through a script I'll have to read at some point in the future. Check your phone.

Check your phone, car. You bought it. Check your phone. Check my phone. You bought a ticket from someone called Tyra. Oh, he gave it to you. Worse. Is that worse?

How is that worse? What's your name? Now it's your turn. Andrew. Thank you. Oh, man. I understand why you're nervous because people would have been able to hunt you down.

Andrew. Now we've got all the info. We've doxed him. It's fucking Andrew. Well, I'm going to open a credit card in your name, Andrew. Sucked in, buddy. Now that I know all of your intimate details. I think that the hyphenated surname can work in like a,

like if you called a kid like, say, Carl Head Hair. Oh, you've butchered it. I didn't want to be the one to say it. I texted you a line you could use. Oh, well, you sent him a joke and he fucked it. I sent him a joke and he fucked it. I didn't know what you fucking meant. I was just trying to do it.

Well, you didn't know what I meant. Fuck, hang on. I think you were literally just talking about... Hang on. So two balding old bald dumb fat fucks... Yeah. ...teamed up on me and you still fucked it? Yes.

No, I didn't. I don't know if you've been paying attention. I haven't either. The joke was beautifully written. It was just fucking butchered. I know, but you're funny. He's not. Why leave it to him?

Yeah. Well, I felt bad. I didn't want to be the one to say it. He was enjoying doing the ball stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry, Tommy. I don't know. Cyber bullying's hard as well, guys.

Just so you know. They're all hard. I'm so annoyed I think my hair's coming back. It is tricky for him to finally bully someone instead of fucking, you know, being on the back end of it. I know, I get it. So I apologise. I take it I know I get it so I apologise I take it back

I think that was a good effort thanks man that was good thank you that was good man yep you fat fucking unfunny fuck

oh no oh no sometimes you don't need to overthink it you just speak from the heart yeah yeah yeah anyway alright we gotta get

out of here we gotta get one more I'm trying to get all my friends in here it's my 18th yeah yeah alright we gotta get yeah we gotta get I'm trying to get all my friends in here it's my 18th we've got to get ready for one man the net happening in here

after this show we've got to get all three stools off stage just for the one big stool for Cody to get on here and really talk about transsexuals tell some fucking truths if you're not ready I'm going to sit on a chair Talk about transsexuals. I'm going to tell some fucking truths, if you're not ready.

I'm going to sit on a chair. What do you think of this? The Nick Cody experience. Here we go. Here we go. Let's do one more. Let's get this guy's money's worth. By the way, just before you start, you know what I don't like?

What? I pretended to do a shit comic and they didn't even like that I may be capable of that. That I may sit down at night and go, yeah, I've got a few ideas. They're like, that is possible. Yeah. Like it was so close to actual truth. The silence may as well have been them going, that's you. Yeah. That thing that you said, that is actually you.

You're going to sit on the stage, turn your chair backwards, cap on, leather jacket and say, this is the truth, Carl Chandler's bald. Did you just feel that shift in the end? Did you feel that shift in the end where you're like... Yeah! Let's make this very clear, I did not write that one. That was a Nick Carr original.

By the way, there's so many in there. This is like when a UFC fighter's getting five shots in and I'm an unconscious person. They're like, where's the ref? This is, you will not stop. It's becoming brutal. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no.

It's great. Who's the fifth name? Oh, yeah, we're working on that. I'm still trying to upload that. Yeah, no, no, no, no. It's great. Who's the fifth name? Oh, yeah, we're working on that. I'm still trying to upload that. Yeah, right. I was actually thinking that until I got that response, and now it's a different name. Do you want me to have a...

Good plug, which is what you... Do you want me to... Yeah. All right. I didn't say anything. Let me have a... Good plug, which is what you... Do you want me to... Yeah. All right. I didn't say anything. Let me have a look. It's fine. No, man, you've got the strongest hair out of everyone here.

The rest of us, you know, are struggling a bit. Be proud of that. It's good. What do you mean? No, what I just said. I'm just fucking around. No, no. We're all friends.

We are all friends. That's why I'm being friends and saying you should be proud. It's good. Thank you. We're friends. My jeans aren't too tight, by the way. I bought these 34s three years ago. They stretch.

I bought... Stretch. Bought three pairs of 34s at Christmas. They got delivered. They got just past my ankles. I went, man, the size 34's changed. Yeah. All right.

Honestly, we've we gotta get out we gotta wrap it up folks big thank you to our fifth subscriber this week oh that's interesting Ashley and Martin Comedy thanks very much

thanks for coming down Dum Dum yeah yeah advanced dumb cunts yeah alright guys that's it that brings us to the end of Talking Dumb Dumb

thank you so much for coming out thank you to Good Chat for having us thank you to Jake for running the show thank you to Jamison for doing the tech for us

come down to Good Chat if you're in Brisbane check out the show on the ones and twos thanks very much for coming out we'll see you next time bye