The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 593 - Lehmo & Josh Earl

Episode Date: February 9, 2022

We're up bright and early with LEHMO and JOSH EARL this week, frantically cramming in a last-minute podcast before Chandler heads to the airport to hopefully make his return to Thailand. If you're curious about international travel during the pandemic and looking for some tips about the easiest way to make sure you've correctly filled out the paperwork and done the right PCR test, then this is NOT the episode for you. But if you want to hear about 7-11, Officeworks, and potentially expired passports, then you're in the right place. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Limo and Josh Earle. We are on tour doing live shows all over the place. We've got February the 26th in Adelaide. We've got the big 500th episode and 600th episode happening April the 2nd at the Athenaeum. And we have a month of shows in April in Melbourne at the European Beer Cafe. You can find all of these details, littledumbdumbclub.com. We are going to talk to you more about that at the European Beer Cafe. You can find all of these details, littledumbdumbclub.com. We are going to talk to you more about that at the end of the episode in Talking Dumb Dumb. But until then, enjoy this great new episode with Limo and Josh Earle. Hey, mates.

Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. With me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. Good to be here. Joining us today, we have two very special guests. Please welcome back onto the show, Josh Earl and Lena. Good morning, everyone.

Welcome to Breakfast Radio. Very special guests, i.e. the only people in Melbourne that would want to come onto our podcast at 9am Sunday morning. Guys, can I just address Josh for one second? What sort of a tin pot operation is this? When did you get a call? I got a message last night. At what time?

Probably earlier than you because I was at 7, I reckon, from Carl. But then it was, yeah yeah i've got my phone i was i was about quarter past 10 which makes me wonder how many people did he scroll through between 7 and 10 15 before he thought fuck it i'll give limo a go and limo's just around the corner yeah no but you've been on recently if we're thinking if we're thinking a text message every five minutes we go geographically we worked we started out so we started with people from sydney who might want to fly down and then we shrunk it's like tinder you know you shrink down the radius it's like i want to bang someone who's around the corner because that was we've established

the last few times you've been on limo. We are recent neighbours. You live around the corner from my house. I could probably kick a footy onto your roof. I can go through it. So 4.45, I got the message saying, are you around for maybe nine? I said, possibly, at Tommy's. And then at 10.38, great, let's do nine. Get there a tiny bit early. Limo needs to be done on the dot.

And I said, cool, what's the address? He went, Tommy's house, Melbourne, 3069. And then he said, I don't know if you can get it from Tommy. I just drive to the street I know. How do you live like that? I just drive to the street I know. Do you think I'm following the Melways every time I drive here? You have an address written down somewhere.

Just going, oh yeah. I don't know the street outside my house. I know my street. I don't know any of the other streets. Do you know your own address? Yes. Or do you just intuit it? Yes.

No, there's literally two addresses to my house and I know one of them. What? Because I'm on the corner. So when I go to vote, sometimes they don't know the address I know, and they go, no, no, we need the other address. And I'm like, I don't know. And I've done that before where I've gone to vote, and they won't let me vote because I don't know the other address of my house.

You're talking about this like it happens once a week. It's like once every four years. I don't know. It comes up in other conversations. I don't know. It comes up in other conversations. I don't know the other street. I'd love to see you as a cab driver. Yeah. Can you give me a vibe for the street?

I just point. I go this way. Keep going until I say don't do that. You're like a bat. You're just working your way home via sonar. Yes. Yes. You get in the cab And you're like

You're like a metal detector You're like I'll just keep saying Warm or hot or cold If you're going in the wrong direction Have you got the The thing on in your car That tells you what

To turn left and right Every time you drive home No you don't You know where to go You're not following Fucking street signs No Yeah it's fine when you go home

But to go to someone else's house I might put it in So don't you put it in? Oh yeah, I'm driving to... No! Bumville 95? Bumville 95. I know where to go.

It's near the place where I go to get cookies and then I turn right from there. It's easy. Well, we're here. We're here at nine. Miraculously, we made it. Just right from the cookie house. And the second thing is, I get a text this morning at 8.15 from Tommy Dasolo saying,

hey, have you got a spare microphone at your house? Yeah, one of these was playing up and I think we're all good now. I was going to bring a tin can and a piece of string thinking that might work. Why didn't you ask me?

Because I was, you would have left already. Oh, okay. Yeah. I like the idea that you think, oh, Limo just brings his mics from breakfast radio home every morning.

No, because I, you do a podcast with Danny McGinley. That's the only reason I ask. But yeah, I assume you've got your own home studio, your own gold microphone Carl Sanderland style.

Danny's got some arrangement set up where he brings the mics over, but I do have one at home that's pure gold and attached to the desk so I can't. Yeah,

yeah, very nice. Gold consoles at Limo. That's me. You'll hear it in my, I'm doing Valvoline ads. You'll hear it there. All right, so it's a fucking debacle.

We've established that. No, we're here. What out of the last 12 years didn't give that away by the way, boys? Yeah, and honestly, Limo's roasting us. It's like, that's actually pretty good for us. That was a full 11 hours before we needed to have it booked. We're all here. We've done worse gigs than this within the last month.

This is great. Carl found his way to my house somehow. There was the time when we were in... If you think this is a debacle, wait till you hear what's coming up in the rest of the episode. Because there was the time when we were in Canberra, and Josh, I think you were with us, and we were driving from where we were staying to the venue,

and you were navigating, and we just get horrendously lost. And I'm like, you're on Google Maps. How is this happening? You put the directions in and you read me the directions and I look at your phone and you haven't hit the directions button. You're just sort of looking at the blue dot and then you're looking at where we're going and you're just trying to kind of like guide me using the blue dot.

I'm like, put in the fucking address. It's called, I don't know if you were around before five years ago. It's called reading a map, you dumb cunt. Sorry, did we get completely lost or did we make it to the venue intact? Hey, check the fucking backlog. Did the episode get recorded?

All of a sudden... You're welcome. All of a sudden we're across the border in New South Wales. Like, man, just plug the fucking address in. I feel like, Josh, we've walked into some sort of relationship counseling session. This is great. I love it, Josh, we've walked into some sort of relationship counseling session.

This is great. I love it. Do we have to help these guys out? Hey, our marriage is breaking down. Are you free at 9am tomorrow?

Look, the energy at 9 o'clock on a Sunday, I did a podcast yesterday where I wished the energy was this high. Man, I haven't slept. This is a breakfast radio vibe. I like it.

There's this frantic fucking energy coming from me because, spoiler alert, I'm on my way to the airport to go overseas. I'm fitting this in. That's why you're getting this late call because I'm going to be in international waters. Good luck finding the airport. Can I guess where you're going?

I'm just going to look in the air, look at the planes and go the other direction. Unless they're flying into the air. Oh, fuck. All right, I haven't thought this through. In the news, they just announced that Bali's open to Australians. It's not there. Is that where you're going? You're going to Bali.

I'm not going there. Kuta Beach. Let's guess. So it's not Bali. Where would Kautia be going? Oh, God. This is such a tough one. Yeah.

Are you going? Guess a number between one and one. Are you going to Thailand? I am going to the Orient. Are you going to Koh a number between one and one. Are you going to Thailand? I am going to the Orient. Are you going to Koh Samui? I'm not going to Koh Samui. So there you go. Thank you.

Now I feel a little bit more proud of myself. I'm going to a place where the... Okay, you are going to Phuket. Yeah, that's right. I'm going to a place where the sun is bright, the beers are cold, and the children are cheap. Get me on that fucking plane.

The beers are cheap too. The sandpit scheme, isn't it? That's what it's called. Yeah, the playground scheme. No, not that. The sandbox, not the sandpit. Are you taking the family or meeting one there? Let's get them all out.

Let's get them all out, guys. I've got a story to get through, so get these out so you don't interrupt the flow later on do they still have that sign leave your manners and your morals at the airport no that's not me I'm one of the good ones

alright enjoy Phuket have you but surely at some point you must have been getting a massage and you've been offered a I

you know we've talked about this before I actually haven't which is more of an insult to me I guess I've never been offered it I've just demanded it no you've never been offered it. I've just demanded it. You've never been offered it? No, I've literally never been.

Because the thing is, you talk about all... He gets a massage with his jeans on, that's why. I've talked about it again before. That's an ongoing nightmare I have where I go to play soccer, I'm on the middle of the field and I'm like, fuck, I'm here. I finally got to... And I've got jeans on and they ordered me off the pitch because I've got jeans on. That's a recurring nightmare of mine. And then I'm on the side of the pitch and I'm like, fuck, I'm here. I finally got to this. And I've got jeans on. And they ordered me off the pitch because I've got jeans on.

That's a recurring nightmare of mine. And then I'm on the side of the pitch and I'm like, can you let me on? And they're like, you have to take your jeans off first. I'm like, fuck, I don't have anything else to play. I can't play my undies. This is a nightmare, you're saying. You wake up in a cold sweat. What a charmed life.

I wanted to play the game. Those are in the wrong pants. Mum! Piss the bed. I'm in a sweat because I started to warm up and I'm in jeans and I'm all hot. Have you ever looked that dream up to see what it means? No, I haven't. To be fair, how do you look up,

I wanted to play soccer but I was wearing jeans. I'm pretty sure that's not anywhere you can look. There'd be a category, wrong pants or something, like wrong clothes. Soccer jeans. Soccer jeans. There's a fair bit of shit on the internet. I reckon you'll find it. Yeah, someone will know.

It'll be a category. It'll be more of a fetish of someone, rather than look up what this means. Teeth falling out, plane crashing, wrong pants. The big three. No, shorts too long. No, it's too long. Plane crashing, wrong pants. The big three. Shorts too long. Shorts too long. My sport one is where I fall over and can't get up.

You fall over and what? I fall over and then I can't get up. Oh, really? Oh, the Steve Urkel. Which one? Steve Urkel. What's that? Don't worry, let's move on.

Okay, fine. Finally a bum note on this podcast. 12 years in, we hit our first snag. So what, you're in a dream, you're playing sport in the dream. I'm playing footy. Yeah, and then you go over and you're like a turtle. You can't get yourself back up. Big crowds, good footy.

I'm playing for Hawthorne, probably. Yeah, probably. But this is happening a lot of times in dreams. Is there a big crowd? Yes. See, I've never backed myself to have a big crowd in my dreams. I've got the jeans on. It's in front of three people. Who gives a fuck? Except me. What about in your childhood dreams? Were you myself to have a big crowd in my dreams. I've got the jeans on. It's in front of three people. Who gives a fuck?

Except me. What about in your childhood dreams? Were you in front of a big crowd? Never. I've never... Never in real life. Never in dreams. Never nothing.

Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. See, in my childhood dreams, I was always playing for Hawthorne as me. So I was never another player. I've never had the confidence to even dream myself into a position like that. Oh, yeah. No, I always did. This is the difference.

This is someone who's regularly on TV and commercial radio jobs. It's the alpha mindset. It starts with the dreams. Yeah. No, I mean, I'm sure you've all read my book, but I'll remind you about chapter one. And which chapter? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've got total recall. Is how I would go out into the backyard and play myself, the same age as well. Right. So I'd be nine in Hawthorne's team. In their great 80s team. Yes, playing with Lee Matthews and Peter Knights and Dipper and everything. Yeah.

And Alan Jeans would be saying, look out for Limo, he's on hot streak. Oh, no. Hang on, hang on. Maybe a flashback to my dream now, Alan Jeans. I needed Alan Shorts. And so now it's you're at the G and you've fallen over. Yeah, yeah, playing and I'm just... You're nine years old, so you're already 20 years, 10, 15 years younger than the rest of the team.

You're completely inadequate. Plus you can't even get up. I'm carving it up. Yeah. And then the moment will come. Oh, no, these are just my childhood awake dreams playing in the backyard. Right. In my sleep dreams is where I'm playing footy, I fall over,

and now I just can't get up. But is this like you've injured yourself and you physically can't get up? It's like I don't know how to – I'm sorry, I just don't know how to stand up. It's like I'm kind of tired and my legs have just stopped working. That would be great to see. It's very frustrating. At a footy game, it's like,'m kind of tired and my legs have just stopped working that would be great to see it's very frustrating at a footy game it's like

what he's injured they need to bring out the stretcher no he just has forgotten how to stand up he's just he's rolling and he's just seeing

someone like kind of like trying to like turtle like get a bit of momentum up to sort of get on their feet

also the next week on the ins and outs for the team shed it's like you know Hawker broken leg Limo

tired you know the best broken leg Limo tired you know the best out I ever saw for footy was South Adelaide in the SA NFL years ago it said

had all the injuries from all the teams Glenelg West Adelaide blah blah blah South Adelaide Ryan Fitzgerald out big brother

oh yes it was written in the paper yeah wow that's amazing Because yeah So people know he's on the radio now

He used to be a big brother But he was like a pro football player Yeah Oh man that's amazing Yeah So yeah We're all You've been summoned here

At late notice Because we need an episode for this week I'm hopefully going to be On a plane in a couple of hours' time. Do you have to quarantine when you get there? No. So you've done all the tests? Or are we going to get into this?

We're going to get into this. Okay. Yeah. So this is where we're at at the moment. So if you're thinking about going on an international flight anytime soon, it is... No one is. Wait.

Two years into a pandemic, it's not really crossing anyone else's mind. Well, we'll see how full this plane is If I get on there today But this is It's a lot harder Look I thought it was going to be easy Weeks ago we talked about it on the show A lot harder than your old style Which is just rock up to the airport

And say can I be on this flight Yes That's how you used to do it Well that's how everyone That's not how everyone does it No that's not how everyone does it. No, that's not how everyone does it. Just me at the gate, any room. Yeah.

What people in your situation tend to do first, Carlos, is have a conversation with their wives six to eight weeks out. That came... Well, that came at some stage, but anyway, so there was a special... You're treating the plane like it's a gig and you're Husey. Yeah. Yes. Oh, please, sir.

What an honour. Yeah, of course. Well, yeah, go right in. Well, sir. What an honour. Yeah, of course. Yeah, go right in. Well, exactly. Hughsy to comedy can do that. Me on a flight to Thailand is the same sort of dude.

Yeah, exactly. Pretty famous. Mr Chandler, your seat's waiting for you. Opened a packet of eight-year-old boys. They're all sucking me off. Not a thing.

It's great to be here. You're a great country. Never forget that. Underage and now I'm gay as well. I don't know why I had to be that as well. Not only am I a pedophile, but I'm also gay. The ultimate injustice. You've got to draw the line somewhere.

I'm sorry. I did go too far. I'm so sorry I said you were gay. Please forgive me. Why did the podcast end? Tommy took it too far one day Excuse me I'm not a gay pedophile

I'm not gay, okay Where are my manners? It's a Sunday morning A bit of decor Thanks I think it's the first Homophobic pedophile I've ever Come across

Alright So yeah You've had this We haven't had one of these For a while Where no one can talk Well you know what Look actually

Precursor actually, precursor. So the precursor to all this, I only just got back from the Gold Coast. I've been on the Gold Coast for a week. Last night, I got in last night, went straight to the gig. That's when everything started to get organised at the gig last night.

What were you doing on the Gold Coast, hanging out in the change rooms of Wet n' Wild? No. Hang on, which gender? Which gender change rooms? Yeah, I think you know. Because I will arc up if you say. If you want to prep for a Thailand trip, Gold Coast is the place to do it.

Well, yeah. It is the halfway house. It is the halfway house. Not enough Australians on the Gold Coast to really prepare you for Thailand. I don't think that anyone. So anyway, we talked about last week or the week before, whatever it was, my wife's got a new job. She's no longer working in the airline industry, which means I don't have the – I can't live the way –

I've lived my life the last five, six, seven years where I'm getting the standby flights. Yeah. So I can't just – which has permanently annoyed you and other friends of the show where if I'm flying with you guys, you guys just walk in because you get your ticket, I'm on standby, which means I have to sit there at the gate until 20 minutes to go

and then they go yeah someone hasn't turned up you may go on you freeloading fucking piece of shit so can't do that anymore yes I have turned up

to the airport to fly back in my new life buying tickets from Gold Coast to Melbourne yeah Gold Coast to Melbourne turn up with my wife and child

they get in they go to me no you don't have a flight I go what here's my flight they go no no, you don't have a flight. I go, what? Here's my flight. They go, no, no, no. You have booked on the flight from an hour ago.

So that's a different flight. That's called in the past. And then I'm like, fuck, what can I do here? And they go, well, we can put you on... Get in a taxi, you'll get there in eight hours.

You were texting me about it at the time and framing it of like, they've really fucked up here. So hang on, this is all three of you? On the earlier flight? No, no, no. We're there for like the 12.55, which is the flight that my wife and even my child

has got the common sense to get on the right flight for. Yeah, your three-year-old's done a better job of working this out than you. I'm on the 11.55 apparently, and I'm there at 11. done a better job of working this out than you did. I'm on the 1155 apparently and I'm there at 1150 and they're like, yeah, you're not getting on that. I'm like, oh, I'm fucking aware

but can I be on the next flight? Why did you book yourself on separate flights? I didn't mean to do... Why was there two separate bookings? Because I think... What are you on Air Force One? No.

The Chandler family know the recipe for Coca-Cola and they cannot fly on the same flight. Right. No, she went to book it and she's like, oh, can you book it all together? I'm like, yeah, I'll get around to this. And she got the hint and was like,

you know what, I'm just booking it myself. Oh, great. You can sort this out yourself. And then I've read the wrong time for some reason, booked an earlier flight. So then I'm in front of the flight counter going, what can I do here? And they go, we can put you on standby.

I'm like, fucking hell. Like two days into my wife having a new job and I'm back on standby already. So then she, my wife and child immediately go, like we have to hang around for an hour or whatever, for half an hour to figure out whether I'm going to get on the flight or not. And my wife goes, yeah, I'm going. I'm like, can you hang around and be with, you know, hang out just in case I don't get on the flight? She's like, I'm getting on that flight. You know, it doesn't matter what you're doing.

So she just walks through with the kid. And I'm like just sitting there going. And even the staff are like, are they just going to go and get on the plane anyway? And I'm like, yeah, apparently. But hang on, you can't expect them to not get on the flight. No, no, no. I was like, can you just hang out for 20 minutes and sit with me? He's like, no.

Oh, no, that's exactly what my wife would do as well. Yeah, right. She'd be out of there. She would be enraged at my incompetence. Yeah. And you're about to bail on them and go to Thailand for a week. Why should they fucking wait with you? You don't care.

Totally. In fact, if they, or alternatively, if they did that to annoy you, you should have got straight on a flight to Thailand. Oh, yeah. From the Gold Coast. Yes. Yes. That's a very good point.

Well, anyway, look, so the Thailand thing, so this is how hard it all is to go at the moment. I initially got the, someone sent me the deal and it was like $230 return to Phuket. $230 return to Phuket.

Now, that's the sort of price that I book in and then say to my wife after, can I go and do this? Because it's worth the roll of the dice. Right. Like, it's worth the roll of the dice. It's worth the risk. So then that all gets sorted out.

We can't stay in a house at the moment. It's been renovated, all this sort of stuff. So that's why we're into the Gold Coast. She's staying at the in-laws. Well, not her in-laws. At her parents. I don't particularly want to do that. She's staying with your parents. You're not there.

So then I've got to look into how exactly this works at this point in history, like how you go overseas, all this sort of stuff. Because you've booked the ticket, but it's like the airline will sell you the ticket. They're not telling you, like, here's what you've got to do. They're not making you do it first. Yes, because this became too hard administratively recently for Tommy, Adam Rosenberg. Exactly. And Steph.

Well, and so this comes into it. So then I find out the world. Tommy Little, Adam Rosenberg, tried to go to Phuket for New Year's Eve, basically. Yes. So then I'm doing the same thing. I'm going direct to Phuket. I'm not a massive fan of Phuket,

but it's the system at the moment. The sandbox scheme means you have to fly direct into a place and not go anywhere else. So you can't go to... I can't go to Koh Samui at the moment, the sandbox scheme means you have to fly directly to a place and not go anywhere else. So you can't go to Costa Mui. I can't go to Costa Mui at the moment. Because there's no direct flights from Melbourne. So I have to go there. Now, I then get into the world of how hard it is and how they've made their mistakes.

Because you probably heard their drama. They're like, oh, we tried everything. We couldn't get there, whatever. I look up all the details, whatever. You've got to apply for this thing called a Thailand pass. You'd think I'd have like the Nando's black card or something already. But yeah, anyway, I've still got to apply for it apparently. Your face is on a coin over there.

Yeah. It's on a couple of watch lists. Yeah. In Koh Samui. Yeah. It's on a couple of watch lists. Yeah. In case of moving. Yeah. So they say you've got to apply at least a week out. So I apply literally a week out. Right.

Probably not the best timing. What I do is start applying for it after our live podcast in Brisbane when I get back to the hotel, start applying for it. So then, man, it's hard. They ask for so many things. I'm like'm like fuck this is really hard to do um you've got to you've got to haven't you been planning this in the back of your mind for months no but i didn't really it all looked a bit hard and you're like okay i'll deal with this at some point like there's a lot of things that they ask i need to get a bit of dutch courage up before i sit down to tackle this to do admin have a few treats just

to loosen up yeah so i've got a good vibe going when i fill out the form i'm in my podcast mindset so next of kin i just would don't say your name yeah yeah man there's so much stuff you've got to do so you've got to book in um pcr tests over there like a bunch of them you gotta get one when you land yeah you get one on your land get one when you're five days in. You've got to then get an approved hotel that they approve. You can't just stay at any DOS house, any halfway house over there. Which also I find is funny because I think they're doing that because a while back when they opened their borders, they were like, all right, tourism is the number one thing in Thailand.

So what they literally came out and said, I think this is so funny, the government were like, yeah, we don't need any poor people coming, no backpackers. We just need people that like are going to come over

and spend quite a bit of money. Yeah. Well, good thing the flights are $230. They really attract some top end tourists. The real creme de la creme

coming through. Yeah. A few Givenchy bags on that flight, I'm sure. Yeah, but also they're like, yeah,

no poor people, we need some people coming over spending but also they're like, yeah, no poor people. We need some people to come over and spend money. It's like, a bit rich coming from you, third world country Thailand. Like, no pov cunts. Okay, right, no worries. Ballers notoriously love mixing it up in Thailand in the markets. So then you've got to book into quite a nice hotel or whatever for seven days. You can't go anywhere else.

You can't travel or anything else. And what's the thinking behind the hotels that they've picked? Like, why are they the ones that you're allowed to stay at? I assume because it's easy to get in contact with them in terms of getting the results for your test. Because I think once you get there, you've got to quarantine there until you hear from the test results. Yeah, I think what you'll find, Tommy,

is they're the hotels that have paid the government the most money to be the hotels. Yeah, that's what I was find, Tommy, is they're the hotels that have paid the government the most money to be the hotels. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I think there's a bit of that as well. It is Thailand after all. I'd say the corruption's pretty high over there. I mean, this is going out once I'm there, hopefully. So yeah, whatever.

So you've got to do that. That's the bit that you're worried about being public? The Thai government listening to this, going, no, go to the hotel, get him out, get him out. Get that gay pedophile out of here. That's my greatest fear. Jeans on the soccer field and being kicked out of Thailand. For an admin error.

So you've got to do that. You've got to have a certain amount of travel insurance. Oh, really? Yes. Wow. That'd be new for you. You would never take travel insurance. It's like the comedy festival. Get on to Duck for Cover? Yes. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be new for you. You would never take the trouble for this. It's like the comedy festival.

Yeah. Get on the duck for cover. Yes. Well, I am performing over there in a certain way, I guess. So you've got to have all that. And then you've got to have a certain COVID test from here. You've got to have the... You've got to have a PCR.

PCR travel test. Which you can do at the airport, right? No. Ah. You've got to do it... So what's a PCR travel? travel test. Which you can do at the airport, right? No. Ah. You've got to do it. So what's a PCR travel? Is there a difference? Yes.

So I have accidentally tried to go into one in Melbourne before where I've gone in to try and get a COVID test. They go, no, no, this is just for travellers. So they don't let you come in there for a normal COVID test. It's just specifically if you're going to fly in the next 48 hours. That must be a fucking nightmare for them. It's just people coming in. We're all travellers, mate. I came from Hawthorne. Yes. Test me. I want to know if I can go hours. That must be a fucking nightmare for them. It's just people coming in. We're all travellers, mate.

I came from Hawthorne. Yes. Test me. I want to know if I can go home. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. I want to go to Canterbury. Are these ones quick though? They're like 90 minutes, you get your results back?

No. Oh, okay. No, no, no. Well, we'll get around to it. But they're shuffled up. The idea is that they're shuffled up the queue because there's time is of the essence. There's not the ones that we're acquainted with at the moment where people are taking five days, six days to get the results.

No, it's 48 hours sort of thing. Yeah, in the same way that if you've got to renew your passport, if you go in and you're like, I'm actually going in like five days, they will go, all right, we've got to speed this up for you. That kind of thing. Yes, exactly. So all of this is happening within the last week in the Gold Coast

so the thing I need is I've applied for the Thailand pass which is taking me a full day to upload everything because you've got to get your your two jab certificate which is an international certificate you've got to apply for that

you've got to get everything uploaded all in a certain way it's all fucking massive pain in the ass it's just wonderful you doing admin for your holiday

while you're on a holiday. Yeah. Yeah. Man, my whole week was me on the beach and in the pool stressing about not being able to go on the beach and in the pool. Sounds like hell. Sounds like hell.

Yeah. That is. It was a complete waste of my Gold Coast trip. It was just me stressing about this whole next week coming up. Yeah. So then I've got to then find a place that does travel covid tests in the gold coast so we drive past the place it's just got big big banner that's like yeah we walk in no bookings uh required oh easy i'll just go there later in the week you know when we're 48 hours out

so i've like done it yesterday. And so I've gone in there and they've gone... I've run there. I've run there from the hotel. It's about five kilometres from the hotel. So I thought I'll get a sweat up. I'll run in there. Good look in a COVID testing line.

Just sweating. Yeah, I just need this. Yeah. Yeah, move to the front. Move to the front. Yeah, yeah. Well, here's the thing. It looks like a little pizza hut joint.

So I run in there and I go, oh, you know, I can just walk in and they go, yeah, here's the thing. It looks like a little pizza hut joint. So I run in there and I go, oh, you know, I can just walk in. And they go, yeah, cool, no worries. And there's literally no one in there. And they go, I go, great, I'll just get my test. And they go, we just need the form. And I'm like, okay, but it says walk in. I don't have a form.

Can you give me the form? They go, no, you need to sign up online to book in. I'm like, okay, all right, I'll sit down in the seat. I'll sign up for the thing on the email. I go, great, I've done that. They go, cool, now just give us a right. I'll sit down in the seat. I'll sign up for the thing on the email. Okay, great. I've done that. They go, cool. Now just give us a form.

I'm like, what form? They go, well, we attach a form to the email that we send back to you when you... I go, I'm sitting here in front of you.

You would have seen if a fucking form fell out of the sky into my hand. I don't have any form. They go, oh, you need the form. I go, cool.

Can you print it out here? They go, no, no, no. We can't print out anything here. And then there's no one in the whole place except for this lady on the front desk and there's a guy at the back who then pops his head out of a desk goes yeah we're thinking about getting a printer oh it's not helping me at the moment mate but thanks for chirping in so i go so what do i do now all of a sudden you're the guy cracking the shits at the covid testing so this is the lowest of the low what i love about this is that you're the guy cracking the shits at the COVID testing versus the lowest of the low. What I love about this is that you're now having a crack at someone

who you are contending is disorganised. After everything we've been through. There's plenty to go, don't worry. Texting them at 10.15 at night, can I get a COVID test in the morning? Because I suspect there's another person who's going to be on your flight today. If we interviewed them, they'd go, that's surprisingly easy.

That went really smoothly. Yeah, I booked it a month ago. It's pretty stress-free to be honest with you. Easier than before the pandemic, weirdly enough. So then I go,

what do I do? So I've got this form on my email. How do I print this out? And they go, well, a lot of hotels these days have got printers. I'm like, yeah,

I just ran five kilometres from one. I'm not going to run back and get this form again. What can i print this out they go well a lot of hotels these days have got printers i'm like yeah i just ran five kilometers from one i'm not gonna run back and get this form again what can i do and they go okay well five kilometers that way is an office works fuck okay so then i'm like i start running and then i go no i can't run another 5k this fucking office works i don't have it in me and then i'm gonna so i get an uber uber takes me the office works i go there i print it out I then get another Uber To come back The whole thing's Taken me an extra hour

Meanwhile I'm supposed to If the Uber or the office works Had to have been a hot spot That'd be a great end Of the story So then I'm supposed to be Meeting the friend of the show Luke Heggie

Who's been sitting At the front of the 7-Eleven Next door to the Fuck I wonder if the 7-Eleven Had a printer Anyway It's too late for that now so

fuck also he would look so great out the front of the 7-Eleven yeah you'd be like yeah alright we'll give you some change buddy yeah yeah

you need a slurpee we get it so I get back there I've got the form I walk in there I go right it's me

I was here before they were like yeah yeah you're the only person that's been here all morning yes we know who you are. The sweaty guy who yelled at us. Yeah, we know.

The guy in the active gear. Active wear. There's not a lot of you. You're popping off in our DMs. Don't worry. There's not a lot of people in active wear running into a PCR test. We're already cutting the security camera footage together for the Christmas party. It's only Feb, but we're pretty confident nothing's going to top it.

So I go in there and sit down. I've got the phone. I go, here's the phone. I go, as a bit of a joke, I'm like, don't tell me I've got to go back to the office works to get a pen. You've got a pen in here, don't you? And they go, yeah. Oh, you're making gags.

Yeah. Someone's confident. So then I go, just give us the pen. And they go, what for? And I go, oh, so I can fill out the form. And the lady goes, oh, no, you oh sorry i can fill out the form and and the lady goes oh no you don't have to fill out the form like well why did i what do you mean and go oh well you just give us the the form and that's it i go i don't need to fill it out they go no and i go but you why did

i have to give you the form oh we need the form but you sent it to me on the email yeah but we didn't have a printer or anything so So I've just done their fucking admin. Like, does that make any fucking sense to you? They emailed me the form. To be honest, you lost me about five minutes ago. So I've just done the dog's body work and got a printout for them and then brought it back. They could have just had the forms there

and just kept them. Yeah, mate. You want to go to Thailand. They hold all the cards. Too fucking bad. Yes, you've got to do their fucking admin for them. So hang on.

You're going to Thailand with Luke Heggy. That's all I... No, no, no. No. Wait, so this was at a 7-Eleven? What's that? Why did that get a headline spot

in the store? It was next door. It was waiting for me. So then I come out. I go, okay. So I get the test. I walk out of there and I meet with Heggy. Heggy's fucking obviously wrapped.

How long, this whole process from you setting off from the hotel, how long is all of this? Two hours. Okay. Right. So then Heggy goes, what the fuck are you doing? Were you getting your... Sorry.

Sorry. Hang on. You've left the hotel, this whole process is two hours. Yeah. And you were getting shitty about your wife and child getting on the plane 20 minutes

before you, Hey, that, that away from me, they were having fun down the beach, so fine, don't worry about this. So then Higgy goes,

what are you, what are you doing in there? Were you getting your booster shot in there? I go, no, no, I got my booster shot yesterday. I was getting a COVID travel test today.

And he's like, you were getting a COVID test today for your flight in two days, in a day. And I go, yeah, that's how they do it. And he's like, so you were getting your COVID test a day after you got your booster. I'm like, yeah. And I go, you know that they give you a little bit of COVID in your booster shot. Like, that's how it works. Yeah.

And then you're having a test to see if you've got COVID. I'm like, fuck, I have not thought this out at all, have I? Is that right?

Would you return a positive test if you got tested just after your booster? That's how my scenes work, isn't it? You get a little bit of the... Yeah, theoretically,

maybe it's a small enough thing, but theoretically, yeah, you could. I don't think it's as positive, though, because you've had... Well, I don't know. So then he puts the fear of God into me. He goes, when I got a booster, they said, when I got a test, they said, have you got a booster within the last 48 hours?

Because it might turn up on that. Ah, right. And I'm like, fucking hell. Uh-oh. Someone's about to get their third visit of the day me again so then that's so i as of right now as of time of recording i'm still waiting on my return of that test oh i've got uh what is it five hours until the flight so i'm still waiting on that test.

And you can't get on the plane until you get the result? Do you show that test at check-in? Yes, I believe so. Right. I've got to have a – he performs for that. But is it getting on the plane here or is it getting off the plane there? And the question is, if it was only showing it when you turn up there, would you roll – if you still hadn't got the result,

would you roll the dice and get on the plane and go, surely I'll have it by the time I land? Oh, absolutely, yes. Yes. Yes. Do they know when your flight is? They're like, all right, we've got to get this test in by – Well, here's the thing.

I'm going to ring them up after this because this is the next thing. So the Thailand Pass, if we remember that from six hours ago on this podcast. So you've got to apply for that. Now, I did that all online. At the end of it, they send you an email that says, right, you can check up on this by hitting this website. And here's your code to check in on how your application is progressing yep so then i'm like great uh that was sunday night that was sunday night yes uh a week ago yes a week ago yep so then uh the rest of the week and the goal i just didn't check because i was

like i'd heard that it it it takes all of a week so i thought thought, well, there's no use checking in. So then yesterday I was like, no, when was it yesterday? No, Friday. Friday I was like, right, business hours. They might close for the weekend or whatever. I better check on this Friday afternoon. I check in. I put the code in. Hit the website.

Put the code in. The result comes up. There is no submissions currently pending on this code. Fantastic. I'm like, fucking hell. What the fuck? Like, I'm like, because I've started the submission, like, probably a bit drunk. I'm starting to look back, looking back going, what the fuck have I done wrong here?

Probably a bit drunk. I'll pull you up on your use of started. Is there something that's the opposite of a self-help podcast? Is this a self-harm podcast? It's a self-harm podcast. Self-helpless. So do you know what part of this was the thing that tripped up Tommy Little and Adam Rosenbach?

Do we know, did they manage to get all this stuff done? Yes. So then I, because I've done all of this, I've then hit up Rosie, right? During the day, like when that's come up and it's gone, we don't have your, none of this process is happening at the moment. I'm like, fuck, what do I do? So I'm looking up every website. I'm putting messages in forums of people that have ever been to Thailand before.

Oh, this is great. I've then hit up Rosie to sort of go, and little one gone, what did you do wrong? Like, where was the step you failed at? Yeah. And Rosenbach's is like, oh, yeah, we found out you're supposed to have this COVID test and check in for a hotel and have these COVID tests lined up in Phuket when you get there. I'm like, you mean every point of what you need to do to go to

Thailand you have failed to do. Literally every point. Like, I'm starting to feel like a fucking genius at this point because I've done, at least I've done these bits. So he hasn't, they haven't even done they've done my old school trick. They've done my old school trick. All they've done I think is probably rocked up at the airport and gone,

can we get on? That's all they've attempted. I mean, when you say the name Tommy Little to me, I don't immediately think meticulous admin. Yes. All of that. All of that. So can I just get an overview here?

Yes. So in broad terms, right, you need approval from the Thai government. Yes. Do you need approval from the Australian government? I don't believe so. Okay. So you need approval from the Thai government. Oh, that tone is bad.

You need negative. Yeah, we're going to fly. You don't want to hear that inflection when the flight is in the day we're currently in. No. I don't reckon. Good question. Hang on. I'll make a note. No. I don't reckon. Good question. Hang on. I'll make a note.

Always happy to learn. We've got five hours. That's an eternity. It's our Chandler time. Government are open on Sunday morning, aren't they? We could book six more podcasts at that time. The government are open Sunday morning. What did we go through?

There's just one number for the government. So you need approval from the Thai government. You need a negative test at the airport here. Yes. And when you land... You need a booking for a test at the Phuket airport and then a booking for five days' time. You need proof of your travel insurance.

Right. Are you bringing the printer with you before I get to the Phuket? I do have to go. I literally am going to Officeworks on the way home from this. Good Lord. I feel like travel insurance is something that most travellers would have anyway. So I'm not stressing about that as extra work. Yeah, well, it's true for me.

That's probably the easiest part of the process, the travel insurance. It's the Thai government approval plus you need bookings for tests over there. And you need this negative. And a negative test, yes. Right. And the confirmed hotel as well so you have to wait

say you get there and that's a big if like do you have to be isolated in the hotel until you get your test back from the Thai government yes I believe so

so Thailand pass right so this is happening Friday I uh i'm i'm finding out for where they fell where they failed uh i'm i'm getting everybody involved off the internet um they then uh i'd love to see these forum posts yeah there's a lot of like ASAP Yeah yeah yeah So then Just on your regular Haunt of r slash the don

Hey fellas So then there's a bunch Of phone numbers That they leave Now this is another bit That Rosenbach's has fired up Because he said he'd Rung on the day

Like a couple of hours To go going Can I You know What do I do here And yeah His answer was like Oh you know

They end up ringing me back and going, oh, fucking just, you know, you need your hotel booked and all this sort of fancy stuff. It's like,

well, the basics, but anyway, even stuff I can look down on. So then, he's gone on a run. He told us the other week, he went on a run

and he was on hold for like an hour and he kept his phone on hold for an hour and then was charged. It was like, he's ringing Bangkok. It's not an international toll

for anyone oh right so he gets charged 300 bucks to ring Bangkok and be on hold with the consulate which is $70 more than your flight

yes so again phone calls as good as a holiday just like being there yeah I mean that whole music

really took me there really yeah I was like put a little necklace on and having a drink. It was nice. So then I start ringing these numbers and I can't get through. I'm like, oh, my God, this is a nightmare. I can't even get on the hold. I can't even get the hold music.

I can't even, you know, get, you know, I can't even. I'd like to spend $300 on a phone call. I can't even get through. And then my wife gets home after a couple of hours and goes, oh, have you got through yet? And I'm like, yeah. And she's like, have you used the international code? I'm like, yes. I'm not a fucking idiot.

Plus 6-6. And it's not working. And she's like, have you used the code to ring out of Australia? And I'm like, is that a thing? She's like, yes, you've got to ring 0011. I'm like, well, fuck, I didn't know that. She's like, don't you ring out of Australia? I'm like, I run an open mic.

I'm not ringing Portuguese open micers going, no, you can't get on a fucking spleen. When am I ringing overseas? Hang on, though. In your defense, you should just have to put the plus. No, apparently not. Because then I put in 0011 and boom. Got through immediately.

Ring, ring. I'm like, oh, okay. So you're just putting in the same number again and again nothing's happening no and at no point do you go maybe I should

look into this but there is like again there's some forum posts in there getting on the telecom facebook page to work out

Liverpool 10's like does anyone else ring the number it's fucked so then but weirdly again for Thailand like you know

look I'm not the best operator but they're again they're weird operators as well. They've listed like seven phone numbers that you just like, if one doesn't ring, just try another one. So I'm just doing that, rotating all the numbers, going through them all. So then I end up, so as soon as I get the 0011 prefix in there, boom, straight through to someone.

Straight through on a Friday afternoon. I'm like, fuck, this is awesome. Yeah, it's weird when you call the right number. It does tend to connect. It's weird. So I thought I'd be engaged or something. But anyway, I get through. The lady answers the phone.

And I start explaining my predicament. Very clearly, English is not her first language. So there's a bit of a language barrier. It's barely yours. Well, to be fair, if you're on the tourism hotline, I think you should be a little bit more well-versed. I think, you know... Yeah, yeah.

Don't you think so? We're edging into some dodgy territory. No, it's not dodgy. Oh, this is dodgy? We've just said gay pedophiles. Yeah, yeah. It's the lady being on the phone that I had a problem with.

I'm sure this is the 10th dodgiest thing that's been said in the last five minutes. Do you have any young boys in there that I could talk to instead? This is a tourism hotline. If the English language is not one of the bows in your fucking skill set at Quiver, I think you're in the wrong fucking job.

Isn't Australia like, we're not even like the top tourism country for that. It's like Russia, isn't it? She speaks fluent Russian. Russia and Chinese are actually before Russia. You're right. So, yeah. Anyway, so then we talk for about three minutes

and there's a lot of that thing where I'm saying things and she's very clearly going, oh, yes, not understanding a word I'm saying. And then she's saying stuff and I'm going, okay, like like you know just trying to push the conversation forward were you probably telling her

about meeting Luke Heggy at 7-11 and she's like what's up I didn't have a brain so this is going along for about three minutes and then it gets to a point

where shit there's a silence and then she goes why are you ringing me so it feels like it feels to me like you've explained your predicament to her as succ to me Like you've explained Your predicament to her

As succinctly As you've explained it to us Well yes I'm a little bit frantic At this point Timelines are all over the place But you were calling her Basically to say

I've tried to fill out the form And I've just logged in To check the progress of it Yes And it's telling me That I haven't submitted it Yes What's happened here

Yes Do you have a record of me That's what I'm trying to say To her I'm not to say to her. I'm not getting anywhere very, very quickly. So she goes, why are you ringing me? I'm like, oh my God. Not the first number woman has said that.

I'm not blocking the right number and then ringing. So she goes, why are you ringing me? I'm like, this is a hotline set up for one thing or one thing only which is uh help with flying to phuket so i'm like i'm trying to get to phuket i'm waiting for my thailand pass what you know and she's like oh okay right my fuck what was i saying before i don't know what the fuck i was talking about before so then that rings a bell so then she's like okay what is your passport number and so so I go, okay, right. And you know that thing where you're bringing out letters on the phone

and you have to do that. And I'm like, okay. So instead of just reading it, I go, okay, so it's N. It's N. And she's like, what? S. I'm like, no, no, no, it's N. N for Nelly.

And she's like, who's Nelly? I'm like, fuck, this is going N for Nelly And she's like Who's Nelly I'm like fuck This is gonna be Mandate on his face Yeah This is gonna be Fucking tricky So then it's me Getting through letters

And everything is Completely wrong And then I get to the numbers I'm like easy And I'm like Eight And she's like What

Hey And I'm like no no Eight And then I'm like Eight for eighty Eight for eighty Yeah Yeah I'm like, eight for 80. Eight for 80. Yeah. I'm like, eight for 82.

You know, eight for 82. And she's like, eight for 83. And I'm like, no, no, 82. I'm like, actually, that doesn't matter. It's like whatever it meant. It's all getting the ages at the start of it. Best figures at the SCG. Yeah.

Eight for 82. I'm arguing over the numbers that aren't important at this point. So then I get to the end of it and she's like and there's whatever there is there's 10 digits in your passport passport number

fucking hell so I'm on the phone for ages I'm going fuck again at this point I'm paying as much for this phone call as Rosie was paying for his phone call

so I get to the end of it and right at the end she just goes instead of going through it again she just goes okay yeah I'll get onto this you'll get an email

at some point it hangs up I'm like okay well that's done and then I'm like I at some point, hangs up. I'm like, okay, well, that's done. And then I'm like, I wait for like 10 minutes, 20 minutes. I'm like, I don't reckon she's got any of the digits right on this at all. And she hasn't taken my email down because that would have taken another hour or whatever.

So I think the only way she could get my email is if she's got the right passport number. Does that make sense? Yeah. Put a code in the number. Yeah. But then I'm like, but apparently on the website,

I'm not in the system anyway. How long ago was this? This is Friday night. Right. Have you got your, okay, I'll let you finish this bit of the story. Yeah, yeah. So then there's,

I'm going to make a prediction for the end of the story. Expired passport. Oh, that would... That really would be... I think there's a lot of that going on. Absolutely, yeah. The passport renewals have hit record numbers in recent times. I was looking at it and was like,

I've got to remember this, that it's done. Like it's expired. Next time I... Not just a shoe, it's all good. I... Again, I'll make a remember this, that it's done. Like it's expired. Next time I'm not just assuming it's all good. Again, I'll make a note for that. I haven't checked that. When was the last time you renewed it? I don't know.

It was a while back. Because you need six months on it too. Yeah. Before you can... Yeah, mine expired last... Look at that fucking beautiful head of mine. That's hot. Is that expired?

Yeah. When did it expire? Last month. I haven't got my glasses on. You look like Adam Zwa from here in that photo. I did used to get that a bit. Yeah, you did. Yeah, right.

On my way to go meet a girlfriend at the time who was living in New York. Look how full of hope I am. I'm just going to dump you, buddy. Don't worry about it. Don't blow your money. Did you say New York? Yeah. That's an exciting trip, isn't it? it. Don't blow your money. Did you say New York? Yeah. That's an exciting trip, isn't it?

Yeah, it was great. Did you get dumped in New York? No, like in... That is a massive... So the Tinder range goes out that far. You know what? I actually stayed with Adam Rosenbach on that trip for a little bit. Oh, did you?

Okay. Tommy, I 100% believe that she'll be back. Thank you. Don't give up on her. Deep cut. Harry Bradshaw doesn't exist, by the way, so I think you've been catfished. I was going for Miranda, thank you.

I think I'm in with a shot. I think we'd really get on. Okay, so now you've got to check your passport. Right, I will check my passport. So you've hung up. It's been 20 minutes. You're like, fuck. She didn't take my email down.

I then ring up. I then ring back. I don't know if I've got the right person because I'm like, fuck, I'm just going to have to do this whole process again. I don't know if I'm ringing the right person. If there's one person on the switchboard or whatever, I ring back.

I don't know if this is the same person. I don't know whether I should kick off or not or whether it's just another person. As I'm complaining, I check my email and I fucking got it. Great. I've got it. Okay. Oh, you've got your Thailand clearance.

Yes. Okay. Yes, I've got it. But in the meantime, I've got an email that says there's been a complication with your pass, with your application. What? Yes. Subject line. There's been a complication. Charges, with your application. What? Yes.

Subject line. There's been a complication. Charges pending some of the stuff Tommy was talking about earlier. But the great thing is because I've been going through all these forums,

I've dodged a bullet in this way. Thank God I went through the forums because I've dodged a bullet because what's happened in this whole process, within this whole process

is the Thailand tourism website that gives out Thailand passes or whatever, because I've dodged a bullet, because what's happened in this whole process, within this whole process is, the Thailand tourism website that gives out Thailand passes or whatever, has been hacked. Oh. And so it's been hacked, and they're sending out, whoever's hacked it, is sending out spam emails going,

click on this link and put your details in. There's been a problem with your application. And when you put your stuff in, they implant malware or whatever on your computer. And so if you hadn't have had the heads up and you hadn't gotten your pass yet, you would have done this? Yes.

Wow. Absolutely. Because it says, I haven't got my stuff yet. And it says, there's been a problem with your stuff. Just click on your link and fucking do it. This is a landmark event.

You're now officially falling for scam email age. You've crossed that threshold in life. and now there's no coming back. Tommy, I've got a free iPhone on the way. It's like you'll never – got heaps of iTunes credit if you want it. Well, I've dodged the bullet. I've actually dodged it. So I'm one level below that. That's a good scam.

Yeah. That's a beautiful scam. But you must be feeling like a real winner now that you have it. Yeah, absolutely. If I hadn't gotten a booster jab and then got my COVID test and still waiting on it I'd be feeling like a fucking genius. I want to see this scam email to say how believable

it looks. Yeah. It's like it's Comic Sans. It's like a gif of a minion. And the address is you know, it's something like Brett at X1D25mm3x05 at dot gif. Amazon and the O's are zero. Yeah, I mean, look, there is a problem with the application, but I do have an Amazon gift card waiting for me.

So it's something. That'll be a nice little treat when you arrive. Yeah, totally. So have you looked into what you can, because the whole getting the test after having the booster and maybe getting a positive, that is a big concern. Have you looked into what you could do about that or get another test or...

No. You're just winging it. You're just hoping for the best. Well, there's nothing else. I don't think there's really anything else I can do. But there's nothing on the forums think there's really but there's nothing on the forums about that there's nothing like a

so you can't well I've run out of time is the crucial thing there's no more time you can't wheel out a rat test at the airport no it's gotta be this travel thing

I think have you got have you you haven't do you have any rats yes okay have you done any of them

just to sort of like if you got a positive on that then you could brace yourself and go alright just make another note you know what this is inspiring me Have you done any of them just to sort of like, if you got a positive on that, then you could brace yourself and go, all right. Just make another note. You know what? This is inspiring me.

I'm putting comedy. I'm going to become a travel agent. I'm feeling like I've got the gift here. Yeah, we do have rats. I didn't think of that. So yeah, look, great to be on this. And I should have done this podcast a week ago. More tips for you.

Put some socks and some underpants in your bag you're going to need them when you get on a toothbrush more than you think you're going to use heads up

I have not packed yet so I am going home oh we're all shocked yeah I would have thought you'd be back a week ago it's office works

and then I pack and then I go it's text Limo for a podcast and then pack and you think you think you were organised late for this podcast. Lardy fucking da. You were a priority, mate.

Don't lardy fucking da yourself. I'm over that. So just to be clear, the only bit of uncertainty as it stands is your PCR test. I believe so. And your passport. Well, now. Oh, yeah, you've got to check. And just so people listen.

You're adding things to my list. This is on you now. I shouldn't have to check this. Thank you. And just so people listen to this note, Carly is literally making notes. Yes, I am. As we go through this. So how long since you've been to Thailand?

Man, it's December. Well, weirdly enough, we're there in Rosenbach. It's December 2019. So three, two and a half years. Let's say two and a half years. Will you recognise a lot of your friends? Because they grow up so quickly. Well, no, because I'm going to Phuket, which I don't particularly love.

I've been there once and I went there with mates and it was all a bit weird and a bit dodgy and whatever. And I actually don't like all of them. I like Samui and I like Koh Phangan and I like other, even Bangkok above. That's the best part of how, of like you convincing your wife to go. It's like, I don't even really want to go. Yeah, I know.

I'm not going to have that. I'm not even going to have that good of a time. I know. I know. Well, the last time I went, I went with, I went with mates and it's like nearly 10 years ago, eight or seven or eight years ago, something like that. And it was weird because we – did I tell this on the podcast at the time? I can't remember.

But went with two mates and then we went – one of the mates just kept – we kept going to bars and he kept leaving with women that worked in bars and stuff like that. And we kept going, man, you're fucking dodgy as fuck. And he's like, no, no, no, they just really like me. And it's like, they work, these girls keep working at the bars. And I'm pretty sure you had to pay them to leave with you. And he was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, And then we're playing pool and we're playing music and stuff like that.

And we'd been there for six hours drinking. And then me and one of the other guys went, we have to go to dinner. They're not serving food here. So we went to dinner. And the other guy was like, oh, I'm not that hungry. It's like, we haven't eaten all day. We've drunk all day. We need to get something to eat.

Come with us. No, just sit here and play another game of pool. There's no one else in here to play pool with but the girls that work at the bar. Ah, no, I'll just play one more. Okay. And then so we went and had dinner. We come back. I turned to the 12-year-old boy I was with and said,

isn't this deplorable? Not a boy. Not a boy. So then we go to dinner. We come back. Our friend is gone. Our friend is absolutely gone. He's gone with one of the girls that works at the bar.

But then we find out in the morning, we see him and he goes, oh, I can't believe you left me. I'm like, we didn't leave you. You asked to be there. And he said he had to pay the whole bill. It's like, well, we were buying beers the whole time. Like we weren't, we haven't left you with all the beers, all the beers bill.

But what they were doing was, I think the bill was not only the bill to are they at girl drinks no no no that we didn't realize but we're playing pool they would they at no stage told us they were charging us for games of pool and they had a laptop on the bar and we're just playing whatever we want to play they without telling us they they said that's a jukebox they were were charging us per song. Oh, nice. They were charging us per song. I love that. They were charging you for songs and for the pool table. Yeah, they were charging us for YouTubing songs.

And so we'd been just getting pissed and playing stuff all day and they were charging us per song. They'd gone through the internet history and gone, one, two, three, four, one, two, three, four. Now, I think I know who this guy is. Did he also get a brick thrown at his back on this trip? Yes. Yeah, okay, great.

There's a big question mark over here. He had a brick thrown at his back on this trip? Yes. Yeah, okay, great. There's a big question mark over here. He had a brick thrown at his back. A brick thrown at him, yeah. Yeah. This guy got a brick thrown at his back because they took a tuk-tuk. They had an argument with the driver. They got into the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night in this jungle or something. There was an argument.

The driver said, get out of the tuk-tuk. The driver threw a brick at their back, at the back. And then the thing was, what happened next in the story? And they go, we don't know. We can't remember. I'm like, if I could Google deaths at that time in Phuket, because that's not a good point to stop remembering what happened next, I reckon.

In the middle of the jungle with a small tuk-tuk driver that was throwing bricks at them. Did he have the brick ready to go in the tuk-tuk? Yeah, it is a weird thing to bring around with you in a tuk-tuk, isn't it? Yeah, it makes it heavier. Yeah. Yeah. Just carry a... I hope it's always good to have a couple of bricks with you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I keep a few in the car, just in case. Well, whoever this person is, I hope they're enjoying the view under that bus they're currently under well there's no name there's no name attached true yeah yeah yeah you can't

you need a name to get driven over by a bus don't you you can anonymously you can anonymously hang out under there I can't you can't

I'm sure you can trill back through these podcasts and find out I don't reckon this guy's been a guest on the podcast no he hasn't.

No, he hasn't. There you go. Your first night of details, you're chugging me under the bus now. Oh, me. No. So you're all, can you check your phone now? Speaking of buses, I reckon Carl's going to be taking two Skybuses today. Will they text you or will they email you?

Hey, what's the... I imagine they text you. It's a text, right? Hey, what's the first thing you do when you... You've gone to all this trouble. Yeah. It's been two and a half years. Yeah.

This is the place you love. It's your adopted home. You've got God knows how many close associates over there. No. No. What's the first thing you do when you get to your government-appointed Medi-hotel? Well, I get in...

It's a flight where you get in at midnight sort of thing. You've got to take the test, then you've got to go to the hotel, and you're there at midnight, and you have to stay there until you get your result. Right. Now, so I don't... This is so you test at the airport when you land. Yes.

And then wait at the hotel for the result. Yes. And once you get the result, you're free to go to whatever hotel you want. Yes. And then wait at the hotel for the result. Yes. And once you get that result, you're free to go to whatever hotel you want. No, you've got to stay there. But you're allowed to leave the hotel and come back. You've got to stay at that hotel. Unless I get...

Well, here's the danger. It's a Jetstar flight. Who knows who I'm sitting next to? If I get COVID on the way over, and then I land... I've got no COVID here. I've got no COVID on this test. If I get the test back, it's negative. If I get on the plane, I get COVID on a Jetstar and then I land I've got no COVID here I've got no COVID on this test if I get the test back

it's negative if I get on the plane I get COVID on a Jetstar flight massive chance land there I've got I stay in there I self isolate for a week

and then I just fly back again I think it would be more I don't think it would show up straight after the flight if you caught it on the flight it would more show up as you were going to leave on your day 6 test

yeah it's a couple of days it's not like instant yeah it's unlikely a couple of days. It's not like instant. Yeah, it's unlikely. A friend of mine, so Kel's brother-in-law, he flew to Malta before Christmas, tested negative like you here,

landed in Malta, tested positive and had to isolate in the bedroom he grew up in. Like in his childhood bedroom. That is great. For two weeks, for 14 days. Wow. With his Italian mother. Just him and his childhood bedroom. That is great. For two weeks, for 14 days.

Wow. With his Italian mother. Just him and his Samantha Fox posters on the wall. Yeah, literally. And then his Italian mother, who's desperate to, you know,

hug him, hasn't seen him for three years, just leaving meals at the door. Oh. Said it was a freaking nightmare. Just sliding spaghetti into the door. Yeah. Wow.

He reckons though, he got it here, not on the plane. Right. Just hadn't turned up in a t-shirt. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so you're 48. Cause I'm, cause got it here not on the plane and just hadn't turned up in a test. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so you're 48.

Because I'm, that's the big thing. Like, there's nothing but barriers in my way. Like, I didn't foresee all those barriers, you know, when I saw the $230 Jetstar flight.

Because if ever you're going to get COVID, I reckon it's on a flight to Phuket on a Jetstar flight. Yeah. How, if the person

sitting next to you, when you get on the flight, the person sitting next to you says, hey, how'd you go sorting out all the admin stuff for this trip? Will you just go, yeah, it was fine, put your headphones on and stare out the window? Or will you deep dive right into this conversation? No, keep in the link. Yeah, you'll go, I've got a podcast for you.

Well, it's an eight and a half hour flight. I reckon I could nearly get through the story on the flight. Okay, so we literally were just waiting on the test. Yes. The test results from 48 hours ago. Yeah. So what are you doing from here? Are you just going to head out to the...

If you're getting close to the flight and you've got nothing back, what can you do? While I'm going to Officeworks and then while I'm packing I'll make a call. I'll have to chase it up. If I haven't got anything hang on. No, that was my wife.

That is weird because it's like they know that you've got like did you tell them when the flight was when you got the test? Because isn't that the whole point of getting a travel test?

Yeah. It's like well you need this by this specific time so we've just got to make sure that you get the result through yeah but I mean look I completely agree with all that

so you gave them the flight details like that was part of getting it I don't think so because I didn't fill out a form the form

the smoking gun of the story because I don't think I don't think they I don't think the scientists in the lab go oh this cunt's got to go to Phuket We better fucking

You know Get a bigger beaker For this one Or whatever Yeah but it does It does make sense That they turn it around quickly Because it's like

It's no point you being able To get it Like you know Two weeks out Yeah And get Because someone was telling me People flying back from London

Like last year Well to be fair I think they guarantee It's like a 48 hour thing And I didn't do a 48 hour I did it I swear there's a place A small window I swear there's a place at Tullamarine that has a 90-minute turnaround. Really?

Yeah, because when I was a close contact and had to get tested, I was looking into all these places for quick turnarounds because I had a gig the evening. So I was like, oh, hopefully I get it back in time, and if not, oh. But you had to be going on a flight. So maybe look into that if you don't have it. Like, yeah, that's our telemarine. Add it to the notes.

Yeah. Check my passport. Pack some socks. I think it's like 85 bucks. You pay 85 bucks. Well, he's not doing it then. I'm going to make a prediction. Is there a standby?

Yeah. The test result will come through as your plane's taking off. Yeah. It just can't is standing there. No, but I reckon. Face pressed up against the window. Doing like, let me on. Like liar, liar stuff.

Like hijacking the fucking stairs. Driving them across the tarmac. Yeah, yeah. Like the lover going away on the train. Yeah, yeah. And Puffy, Billy and me chasing. Going, I miss you, Thailand. God.

Or Kevin Kline in A Fish Called Wanda. Hanging off the edge of the planet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck, this is stressful stuff. All right, well, I guess we've got to wrap it up. We've got a cliffhanger here. We'll know next episode what's happening. Well, yeah, if next episode there's no sort of Zoom delay. I fucked it.

But if there's a Zoom delay, it's absolutely happy days. Yeah. If a guest on the next episode is someone from the consulate, someone from the 7-Eleven at the airport, not at the Gold Coast, but at the Phuket airport, we'll know what's happened. Yeah. Oh, stressful stuff. If only there were beaches in Australia to go sit on. Like, it's really like... Gold Coast but at the Phuket airport we'll know what's happened stressful if only there were

beaches in Australia to go sit on like it's really like this is I mean listening to you and hearing how

hard this is I suspect you'll be the only person on this plane you know what I was really thinking this is going to be a

packed flight and after all the shit I've jumped through I'm now thinking I might have a row to myself hopefully

yeah I think you'll have a plane to myself. Hopefully. Yeah, I think you'll have a plane to yourself. I'm actually pretty pissed off because I paid an extra $10 to pick my seat and I reckon I can pick whatever seat I can. Oh, that $10 seat.

That's 12 massages and 45 pentacollars. That's the worst admin mistake I've made in the last two weeks. Stumping up for that fucking seat. Jesus Christ. All right, well, I am exhausted. I'm going back to bed.

My brain hurts. I've got to go pick my car up from my friend's house. I thought that was going to be a fucking ordeal. But hearing this, a walk in the park compared to that. Do you know the address? Yeah. Not kind of nowhere. I'll vibe it out.

Yeah, I'll just set off. You'll be able to sniff it out You have a real bond with your car Look for the blue dot That's where it is Yeah Alright Josh, Elle and Limo Thank you so much for joining us

Thank you Thanks Limo you have the They Came To Play podcast Yes which you can Get through Apple of course And also I'm doing a show At the Adelaide Fringe

Yeah Not sure when this podcast Is coming out, but it's called Be Nice. Nice. Just a little instructional self-help. Get on that early Adelaide ticket buyers. We know you like to do that. So get on to that. Get on it.

They're being very cautious with their ticket sales. I mean, very slow in Adelaide. Oh, really? Generally speaking. Well, people don't know what's happening with COVID for 20 or 30 years. For the last 20 or 30 years. So, yeah, get out. I'm on at the Rhino Room

for, I don't know, 10 or 11 shows or something. The pandemic stresses them out buying tickets too much. By pandemic, I mean the common cold. We're scared to go out. They're still freaking out

about the Black Plague. Yeah. And Josh, you've got Don't You Know Who I Am? I've got Don't You Know Who I Am I do have Don't You Know Who I Am which I'm doing in Adelaide on Feb 19 at the Rhino as well

so if you're in Adelaide come get tickets and in Melbourne I'm doing my show in the Comedy Festival Modern Contemporary the final two weeks at the Western

beautiful speaking of what are we the 26th of February in Adelaide yeah live podcast yep

so yeah there's three beautiful shows to go and buy tickets to yeah you know you want to do it. Yeah, exactly. Get involved.

Get in early, get your admin, if you can learn from me, get your admin in early, buy the tickets now. Hey, you've listened to this

podcast, you can come to a show, you don't need to do any of that. You can walk out your front door, you don't need to get a pass, you don't need

to get a test, you just buy the ticket and that's that. And you can hear Carl tell this story in full on the 26th. A live retelling. If you're in Phuket, get your shit together now to fly into Adelaide to go and see this live show.

Yeah, exactly. Learn from me. Do the reverse of whatever I've talked about. Yeah. All right. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. And they've done it again.

Oh, my God. What an ep. Bernie has got blisters on the top of his toes from that one. Fuck, it had it all. Was that a new record for most N-bombs on the pod? It's an absolute record for I don't know what happened because we're recording this before we recorded the first bit. So time is of the essence in a weird way.

We're recording this just as I've gotten off the plane back from the Gold Coast from a little family holiday and just before Basement Comedy Club starts. And I open the door and give my cheery demeanor to the dozens of people coming in to watch comedy tonight. All the gag hags hoping to pick up Dave O'Neill after the show. Yeah, yeah. All the gag hags, hoping to pick up Dave O'Neill after the show. Slipping me a sweaty extra $5 to come in and sniff Dave Thornton's underwear, which I have access to, obviously, doing the door. It wouldn't be too hard. What do you think Dave's response would be? He puts them in the cloakroom.

He comes in with his underwear. But if you came to him and said, look, man, I'm hard up for cash at the moment and someone's offered me $500 for a pair of your underwear, I'll cut you in, but you've really got to help me out. I'd like to think that Dave would help you out with that one. He's a pretty good guy. That's so poor, though.

Have you ever done that thing where it's like what will happen in comedy is someone can't make a gig. And they'll go, oh, I can't make this. Tommy, do you want to do this gig instead? And you go, oh, when is it? Next Saturday? Yeah, yeah, I can do that. And it's like, cool, no worries.

I'll take 10% of that. And you go, just give it to me. Oh, I've never had that happen. I thought you were going to say the thing of like someone going, I've got to pull out. I found a replacement. And then they go to the booker and they're like, hey, I found a replacement. And they're like someone going, I've got to pull out. I found a replacement. And then they go to the booker and they're like, hey, I found a replacement. And they're like, no, I'll book my gig. Thank you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of which I say that plenty of times. Yeah, sure. But no, no, no. I'm pulling out, but I still want 10% of the thing that I'm not able to make it to. I'm not leaving the house, but I still do want money. That's absurd. I got this gig for you, which means not leaving the house. Yes. But I still do want money. Yeah. That's absurd. I got this gig for you.

Yeah. Which means I worked. Well, it doesn't. It means you didn't work. Yeah. It means you... Something's come up. Just do the right thing. Just fucking handle it.

Either you're living your life or you've got... I mean, that's the ultimate move. If you've gotten a better offer, if you've gotten a better, higher paying gig and you're pulling out of the original thing for that, but you're still wanting a cut of the thing that you're pulling out of the original thing for that. But you're still wanting a cut of the thing that you're pulling out of to make more money elsewhere. What about this? That's huge. I've done this before, Wes. There's a guy, I don't know if he still does this, but there was a guy that would book gigs and then pay you, but like obviously do it off the books.

And so he would, you'd be doing this gig, he wouldn't be at the gig. Right. He'd have just set this up for someone else. Then he has to pay you gig, he wouldn't be at the gig. Right. He'd have just set this up for someone else. Then he has to pay you but wanted to keep it off the books. So it's like, okay, so how are we getting this money between the two of us? Because he wasn't at the gig. Because he wasn't at the gigs. Right.

You're having nothing physical to do with this guy at all. Right. So how do you get the money then? Do you know how he did it? You've got to like, what, go meet him somewhere? No, no, he didn't want to do that either. Right. Because it's like, well, that's too much work No, no, he didn't want to do that either. Right. Because it's like, well, that's too much work as well.

Like, this is a guy that lives maybe... A physical meeting is on the books. Yeah. The ATO might be in an unmarked van taking photos. There's webcams everywhere these days. Now, you know what he would do? He would send you it in the mail, but then you can't just put, like, you know, cash in an envelope and put...

Birthday card? Yes. Love that. I actually love that because I thought the answer was going to be you'd have to meet up with him to get the money and it's like, well, this is a second engagement now. I want an extra because I'm leaving the house again. I want an extra 50 on top. I'm getting on the train just so you can not pay tax.

I'm helping you out. I should be paid for my getting paid gig. Yeah, exactly. No, birthday card. Birthday card, which I think is really funny. Like, because on top of everything else, birthday card, like, what a bad way to do it. Have you fucking bought a birthday card lately? They're about nine bucks.

Yeah, that's true. So he's running at a loss. Yeah. Yeah, that probably does. Yeah. No wonder he's taking a finder's fee because he's paying for the birthday card. Would he write in the card? Would he really?

Would he bother to? Because the only reason you're doing the card is, you know, assuming that it's going to get picked up by, you know, whoever who's investigating the mail. Yeah. So if you really want to carry that. You can't put great gig in the birthday card, can you? Because, yeah, then that incriminates you. So you can't put great gig in the birthday card can you because yeah then

that incriminates you so i can't remember what he did but that would be great if he was just impersonating my grandma yeah totally yeah yeah and he's like you can imagine yourself having a bit of fun with that it's like you run a gig you've got what let's say four or five people that you've then got to sit down and do the cards for the next day and you're cooking up a little backstory for all of them one of them's one of them you're an auntie you're cooking up a little backstory for all of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of them's an auntie. No, you could pretend you're the nana of all of them and they're your special little... Say it's like, you know,

Hugh's on the gig. Right. You're on the gig. I'm so proud of you. No, no. Happy birthday. No, you've got it wrong way around. Hugh's is not the nana.

No, but his nana would sound like him. Oh, okay. This is like a cartoon world where everyone looks and sounds the same on the same family tree. But the nana is the nana of Husey. Yeah. And of you. And of Nick Cody. So we're all related.

And of Kappa. Yeah. Right. So say that's the lineup of the gig. Right. That's the nana of all of you. Right. So then there's a funny, you know, the nana can have a funny little relationship with with all right okay i kind of like to think i would sit down and i would come up with a

different character for each of them right i'd like to imagine myself like eddie murphy in it and just playing just playing all these different people in the one family i just like the idea of grandpa that i'm an auntie but if you're the nana of all four of you or whatever it's funny to sort of say you know um you know hughesie happy birthday hughesie yeah it's your nana here um you know here's your here's your birthday money yeah sorry it's not as much as you asked for yeah yeah yeah you know put this towards your next uh property put this towards lollies or or a block of flats yeah yeah yeah whatever we are also we are also assuming like when have you ever gotten a birthday card from a relative that's got more than just happy birthday written on it? You know what I mean?

Didn't you used to get... You don't really get... Yeah, but you don't really get much backstory of just like, here's what I've been up to. They're not like... My Nana's not doing character development in her cards back in the day. She's just smashing it out in about four seconds flat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Barely legible handwriting.

Yeah. But that... I mean... Yeah, Hallmark's doing a lot of about four seconds flat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Barely legible handwriting. Yeah. But that, I mean... Yeah, Hallmark's doing a lot of the heavy lifting there. Yeah. This guy being put away for tax evasion because someone comes in and they bust him, they open up the envelope with the card in it and they're like,

there's nothing written in this card. Yeah. Or they get a handwriting expert in it. It's like, this isn't a 90-year-old woman's handwriting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a 90-year-old woman's handwriting. This is a 35-year-old man. And they're tracing it all back. And that being the thing that puts him away. They're tracing it all back

and then they get into Ancestry.com to make sure, hang on, Nick Capper and Dave Hughes aren't related. Nick Capper, Tommy Dasolo and Dave Hughes don't come from the same family tree. They're not brothers.

We could be. I mean, there's enough of an age gap between me and Kappa. We could be, you know, Hughsey maybe like from another marriage or something. The photoshoppers of this world, please, remake the twins cover but with quadruplets and with that foursome. No, I'd like someone to get onto one of those kind of like

face morph kind of things and like try and get a person that looks like the in-between of me, Kappa and Husey. Oh, right. Somehow like the father and mother that have created the three of us. Right. That's what I'd like to see, someone work backwards and work out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

You know what? I want to – you know, like I said, I run Basement Comedy Club. I should start paying people in that way. Yeah. I should, but I Paying people in that way Yeah I should But I want to You're not far off You're slipping them

You're slipping them cash In a little handshake Nah not anymore Oh okay Yeah you are doing Yeah you have had to go Yeah You have had to go official

Yeah You've had to go through the Yeah Net bank transfer And on record I've never done Whatever you said before Yeah yeah

So And what are you Are you like Maybe I should get you To design the official basement comedy club birthday card oh yeah i'd be yeah that's cool i'd be into that and then i can be nana chandler in there and i can write notes for everyone you should bring back the checkbook i think that'd be a cool gimmick for you being the one promoter that pays people for gigs yeah

so when you pay like when hughes is on and you're depositing your money are, in the description, are you putting gay sex just to have a little bit of fun? Oh, yeah, yeah. Because the comedy's got to continue well into the financial transaction. Yeah, that's funny stuff. That's always funny stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, I don't think... The people at the Commonwealth Bank clutching their pearls when they see that one come in.

I would say this much. Not too many invoices coming in from Husey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. You want to distance yourself from that, but you're happy to throw Hughes under the tax evasion bus. Well, yeah. Yeah, sure.

What else? Yeah, so speaking of gigs, we have got a bunch of gigs coming up around the country. Of course, we did Brisbane. Where are we at next? We're in Adelaide. Adelaide, Feb 26 at the Rhino Room. If we could sell some tickets, that'd be good.

Maybe this is it. Maybe this... I mean, look, I don't know. In the end, what... Did we call Brisbane a win or a loss? I don't know. I know we did a lot of complaining. Did it come out all right?

I can't remember. Editing it, I was like, we sound like the biggest cunts because it is actually going really well. Oh, damn. And we're up there going oh fucking boohoo at like because we i don't think we got the chance to say this at any point like on the on the show like on the record in the talking dum-dum or anything but people kept coming up to us after the gig and being like what were you talking about we were loving it you know

what i think it was really high ceiling yeah we're on a stage that was pretty high up yeah so we just couldn't really we couldn't hear the response. But I'll tell you what did hear the response, the audience mic. Really, the whole thing made us sound like the world's just dumbest cunts and like most arrogant cunts. It's like this should be going better. Yeah, it was a crippling listen back. Damn.

Okay. You sent me some notes of stuff you edited out edited out because of flat points, and it's like, I edited them, but I was listening back to it. It's like, these aren't flat points. Oh, really? These are going well. Fuck. Well, to be fair, the points did go for about an hour, the flat points, I thought.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. From minute one to minute 59, and then just leave in a bit of see you, mates, and we'll be good to go. So anyway, well, okay. Well, maybe we'll be back. Maybe we'll be back as a live podcast phenomenon. I was in a bit of see you, mates, and we'll be good to go. So anyway, well, okay, well, maybe we're back. Maybe we're back as a live podcast phenomenon. I was getting a bit worried. Like I said up top, I thought with no evidence to back me up about anyone else's podcast, I thought we're the best in the biz at this.

Well, all the live pods go really well, and then I thought, fuck, maybe we've lost it. We've lost the magic. I think we've really got to enforce a rule of no more talking about how the gig is going mid-gig. Well, anyway. It's hard not to. It's really hard not to do. Speaking of, we're going to Adelaide next. Yeah.

Speaking of complaining about things. But yeah, so we're going to Adelaide. Man, let's do that. I think we're still at a... Look, we're definitely not allowed to complain about stuff in Adelaide because we know how that goes. Yeah. I fucking hate it. They hate it.

And it is actually, relative to everything and how it's going and their past form, it is actually selling pretty well. Is it? It's selling okay. Yeah. Don't say that because then you'll tell me the number and then I'll say that's absolutely not selling well. And you're being very optimistic. Okay. Do you want to hear the – I'll cover the mic.

Okay. Yeah. All right. 80. Oh, that's actually all right for them. That's what I said. Okay. All right. I'm with you. All right. all right. Okay. 80. Oh, that's actually all right for them. That's what I said. Okay, all right. I'm with you.

All right. For them and also, I mean, Adelaide is already a place, as we talk about, they buy tickets last minute. Right. And now we are in a position where, with things having been cancelled constantly across the world for the last two years, every city has basically become an Adelaide. Why would anyone around the world buy tickets to something months in advance? No.

I'll tell you this. This is what I've heard with Adelaide Fringe coming up. Adelaide has gone next level Adelaide. Why would anyone around the world buy tickets to something months in advance? No, I'll tell you this. This is what I've heard with Adelaide Fringe coming up. Adelaide has gone next level Adelaide. Wow, okay. People are fucking going to do their houses over Adelaide Fringe is what I hear. It's like they've always been like that and then the whole rest of the world has caught up with them. So now they've got double Adelaide.

So relative to all of that and also our track record with border closures and not being able to make gigs, that's a fucking great number. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the equivalent of us selling out a stadium in the olden days. Yeah. I mean, sure, we've been on sale for two months, and that number is what we sell in any other city in about three hours. Right.

Sure. Yeah, but it's not any other city. It's Adelaide. But yeah, get along. Still some tickets available to that. And then my solo show is on. And a phenomenal lineup of guests. Yeah, yeah, get along. Still some tickets available to that. And a phenomenal lineup of guests. Yeah, yeah.

And my solo show is on right afterwards in the same venue. And yeah, you can find tickets to that on our website as well, littledumbdumbclub.com. Then we are in Melbourne. We have the big 500th episode. We have skipped over Perth because we don't know what's happening there, obviously. We'll figure that out at some stage with your border closures

and all that sort of stuff. Roll the dice if you want. You will, you know, your ticket will be valid for whenever we end up doing it. But yeah, we're waiting to... We, along with a lot of other ex-Perth residents, are waiting to fucking for McGowan to work out what he's doing. Yeah. Fuck your grandma.

We've got a podcast to do. Yeah, exactly. Don't bitch about that. But we are in Melbourne. The first one we do back in Melbourne is the 500th episode. It's now the 500th slash 600th episode. So you fuckers that have been hanging on to your tickets for two years now, thinking, oh, fucking hell.

Look, we've made up to you. We're now doing two episodes. And you fuckheads that have been sitting off not buying a ticket for two years, that's paid off because now you can swoop in and get the last remaining tickets and pay the same amount that everyone else paid for one and you're getting two. You know you're getting two. It's a fucking great deal. It's annoyingly so close.

Let's put them up, actually. Yeah. It's annoyingly so close to being the two-year anniversary of the original day. We miss it by like three weeks. That's really... Yeah, it is annoying our 500th episode isn't delayed even more. I mean, it's delayed that much already. I mean, we'd say it's two years, but to have it be the two-year anniversary of the actual

day, it's annoying to come that close to it and not actually... It's three weeks off. Yeah. Yeah. So that'll be fun. And then, of course, there's the rest of them, the rest of the ones that we do in Melbourne. Straight after, the next three weeks after that, we do live podcasts in the afternoons on Saturdays in April.

Every Saturday in April, go to our website and you will find out. There are always heaps of fun. You guys can go back and hear all of them for the last, you know, however long it's been, nine or eight years, ten years, something like that. There are always heaps of fun. There's a lot of people in town at that time of year. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because it's been, nine or eight years, ten years, something like that. There are always heaps of fun. There's a lot of people in town at that time of year. I'm not sure why.

Maybe it's because it's just after my birthday and they're just hanging out in the afterglow of the great big party we have for that. Yeah. So get along, little doggies, and get your tickets for that. They all sell out. Man, they're some of the best gigs of the year easily. Yes, littledumbdumbclub.com is where you can get those tickets. Come and see complaint-free live podcasting.

Well, I don't know. Let's not. Is that the... Look, that's... You know what? You know what we need to do from now on? Here's the idea. We don't have a swear jar because we could make millions.

We'd lose millions. Yeah, yeah. We have a complaint jar. Complaint jar. Okay. Complaint jar on the stage. Right. Then where does the money go?

Fuck, that's a good one. We'll find a charity, maybe. Yeah. Milan. Maybe that's a good one. We'll find a charity, maybe. Yeah, Milan. Maybe that's where we can... Everyone wonders where he buys his drinks from. Right. Well, now we can have an answer. Yeah, okay.

All right, cool. He's bought enough for us. Yeah, that's true. We can give back. We're basically just buying our own drinks. By complaining, yeah. So yeah, littledumbdumbclub.com for that. I've also got my show in Melbourne, March the 30th until April the 10th.

But also on our website, you can find links to our Patreon where you can get on and support the show. And you can get two bonus mini episodes every week.

Always great guests on them. Always a good time. And of course, most importantly, by being on the Patreon, you get the chance to get your name immortalized

in the back end, up the back end, up the dot of the Little Dum Dum Club. Wow. And we're going to read out a few names right the back end, up the back end, up the dot of the Little Dum Dum Club. Wow. And we're going to read out a few names right now. So this is the back end now. This is the anal section of the show.

Well, I guess it is pretty anal to try and read out everyone's names. Yeah. It's extremely anal. I have to read them all out or bad things will happen. Yeah. Yeah. It's very anal to try and read out the thousands of names who have subscribed. And it's also very anal to fuck a man in the ass.

Or a woman. I guess it's 2022. That's pretty anal, yeah. Yep. If you tried to fuck everyone in the world in the ass, that is very anal. Like some bizarre Santa Claus. Like an adult Santa Claus going around the world, hitting every house in one night. Anal Claus. It's like, how every house in one night. Anal Claus.

It's like, how does he do it? How does he get? It's like, well, you know, there's time differences come into play. He comes down the chimney and then he fucking comes down the chimney. Then he comes up your chimney. I love that Tim Allen movie, The Anal Claus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.

Let's crack in. As said, Tommy, you've got a dinner to go to. I've got a comedy club to run. There's shit to do. And hopefully we wake up tomorrow and record what you've already listened to. Hopefully. I think that's what's happening. Or in another couple of days.

Anyway, whatever. Who cares? You'll know by now. You know more than us right now. Oh, big call. Let us know. If you more than us right now. Oh, big call. Let us know. If you can ring us right now and tell us what happened, that would help this section. This could be like Stephen Hawking's time traveller's party that he tried to put on.

It's like, look, here's the proof. Come back in time into the storeroom out the back of the basement comedy club in the European Beer Cafe. Appear before us right now next to this Christmas tree that's wrapped in glad wrap. Like it's someone taking it overseas or something. And not wanting drugs to get fucking planted in it. Do that because a lot of our listeners do look a bit like Stephen Hawking but without the genius. Exactly.

So appear right now before us. This is your chance. Come on. Tell us what happened in the episode. Hawko. I genuinely got excited for a minute I was like

what if we were the ones that proved the existence of time travel on a podcast alright thank you very much to Patrons who subscribed first cab off the rank

this week and you know hey you know what guys if you're out there if there's a cab company now this is a good chance I've always wanted a long running sponsorship

if there's a cab company out there or Uber or whoever a rideshare app if someone wants to sponsor this part of the chance. I've always wanted a long-running sponsorship. There's a cab company out there, or Uber, or whoever, a rideshare app. If someone wants to sponsor this part of the show, when I say every week, first cab off the rank. Oh, yeah. If you want to say if it's like the name of the cab. You're talking about this like there's a billion different cab companies.

Isn't there like one? There's a few. No, there's a few. Cabs are really on one at the moment. I love how when Uber launched it was like, we all know taxis are fucked and we're not taxis. And now Uber's become so fucked that if you've seen all the ads around for taxis where they're just basically going, we're not Uber.

They're complete cunts. No surges, no drivers bailing it. Like cabs now just have a free goal of just like, fuck, this feels good. I went to get a cab yesterday and I was just, I was sitting there thinking,

Oh, I've got to get an Uber. All right. Where am I? This place. Okay. okay what's this and while i was thinking a cab just like slowly drove by stuck my hand out he pulls over and i'm like you know what i'm doing a bit of charity here i'm grabbing a cab i lent him and he's like where are you going i'm like up the road he's like nah took off i'm like ah fucking i'm back to uber okay all alright I had Maybe I'll say it on Maybe I'll say it on The actual airport That we're gonna do

Maybe you have said it But I had a Horrific Uber experience From the airport The other day Did you get an Uber From the airport When you came back just now

I got a Friend of the show Sheba Sheba George McEncroe Right You did the tuck You hopped in the front seat

Yeah just me and Bob Hello Just to European Beer cafe Thank you Carlotta Chandler speaking Yep You did the tuck? You hopped in the front seat? Yeah, just being boggled. Hello! Just to European Beer Cafe, thank you. Yeah, Carlotta Chandler speaking. Yeah, no, no, I didn't do that. Anyway, let's have talked about that already. Okay.

But, yeah, look, sponsorship. Yeah. Right there. Man, it's so easy. First cab off the rank. First XXX cab off the rank. Whatever company you can put in there. Or first Uber, first Rideshare, first Shiba, first...

Anyway, we'll see. We could get... I mean, yeah, we could get Shiba. That's probably the most likely one. I don't know how I'd feel about taking... I mean, I guess I'd feel fine taking money from Uber. I mean, fuck them. They fuck me around enough.

I'm happy to get some money back from them. Oh, absolutely. Are you kidding? Yeah. They're not going for it, though. Yeah. And also, oh, well, they kind of are Uber ranks now, which is part of my nightmare experience from the other day. get some money oh absolutely are you kidding yeah they're not going for it though yeah and also oh well

they're kind of Aruba ranks now which is part of my nightmare experience from the other day yeah but yeah silver top

or fucking diamond yeah all that stuff hey it doesn't even have to be a Melbourne one yeah totally

but first your name here cab off the rank this week thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Chris Trencher. Trencher.

What an odd name. Yeah, that's really... Trencher. I was going to say I'm thinking school shooter, but I guess that's just because it sounds like trench coat. Yeah, yeah, right. Trench, yeah, why is there a... That's unfair. Yeah, why is there a trench coat?

I mean, I didn't think of that, but trench is that, you know, like a hole in the ground in the war or whatever, where you're sitting there waiting to pop up and shoot someone, right? That's what a trench is, basically, isn't it? Is a trench designed for war? Is that its primary... It's definitely a hole in the ground at the very least. Yeah, it's like a little divot kind of thing. A long, narrow hole that is dug in the ground.

A deep, narrow hole in the ground that is used as protection for soldiers. So you hide in there. You nip out. Shoot someone. Shoot someone ethnic in the head. The invention of it was warfare-based. Yes. Okay, so the trench coat is long.

Presumably, it's like you're crouching down in the mud. You're kind of lying there. Because the trench coat probably covers you the most out of any kind of outer way you can get. Like, it's right down past your knees. That is very, not, what was it, is it ironic, or maybe it's ironic, that the trench coat is generally worn by a lot of wackos that do end up going to school shootings. I wonder if the first person to do a school shooting and wear a trench coat was like,

God, this is so meta. Yeah. Right before these people get wiped away, they're going to be thinking like, fuck, that's actually pretty clever what he's doing. And also, ten minutes ago when I was just wearing a vest, I was like, fine. As soon as I put this coat on, all of a sudden,

needed to shoot someone. Right, you think it's like the mask. Yeah. The trench. The trench. The trench. My gun is smoking. Yeah, there you go.

I was trying to work out a P-A-R-T-Y. But anyway. Yep. So that's where Chris Trench has come from, that's for sure. He's either, he's come from the, I don't know, his great-great-great-great-grandfather was a hole in the ground? Yep. Or he invented holes in the ground?

Yep. Or he invented the in the ground? Yep. Or he invented the coat? I don't know. Maybe he invented the coat. I mean, maybe it was like, you know, I wonder how, like, the trench seems like a weird thing to have had a name. Like, at what point of people just, soldiers just consistently digging these holes in the ground does someone go,

this needs a name. We're doing this all the time. Like, you know, me going, hey, can you go and dig one of those little, you remember that we did it the other week when we were on the battlefield? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Warhol. It's just taken too long. We need a name.

You know old Andy Warhol? He'd be pissed off he didn't get his name. Yeah, 15 minutes of fame. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 15 minutes of shooting people. Yeah yeah andy warhol maybe maybe that was the opposition company where the opposition uh uh your family where they were like they dug a hole they're like right you guys got got you guys got named after the the warhol that you dug yep and someone else is like no no we we dug the first hole yeah we're calling it a trench why?

it's a hole for war what the fuck's trench mean? I don't really know I don't know so you think so yeah this guy maybe he's but then Andy Warhol

got famous for you know painting soup and then it just got forgotten about the timeline's all over the place here but what about

trench coats? Like, I feel bad for, you know, it's... The two things you know of trench coats now are both negative. Like, at some stage they were, like, cool detectives or fucking something. But all of a sudden now it's school shooting, like you said. Yeah. Or it's someone exposing themselves in the park. Good point.

I mean, I feel like the... In terms of the school shooting, that's only like a... I picture that as, like in terms of the school shooting, I picture that as the black leather trench coat, or specifically the black trench coat. I think you could still get away with, if you had a lighter colour, if you had a light grey or a light brown kind of thing, I think you could get away with still wearing a trench coat in the appropriate weather and still looking kind of cool.

I don't think you should. But thanks, Chris Trencher. Thanks, Trench. Man, that's a tricky one. Chris Trencher. Chris Trencher. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Sven Devinkel. Or Devinkel, I suspect maybe his pronounce.

Sven Devinkel. Sven Devinkel. Yeah. It's W, but I think... You're getting choked up over this name. I am. This is so beautiful. I've just drunk a pint of Coke pretty quickly.

Which when we started recording, you just went for it. You started guzzling it. And I saw a little bit of it just dribbling down the side of the mouth there. You were just fucking going for it. Down the front. Yeah. Right down the front. Fuck yeah. Yeah, it was like a... You were just fucking going for it. Down the front. Yeah. Right down the front. Fuck yeah.

Yeah, it was like a sexy 80s ad. It was like me. It was like Elle Macpherson getting out of a pool and doing a bit of Diet Coke business. She's gone a bit wacko, by the way. Elle? Yeah, she's like going out or married to some absolute whack job. Like a...

Oh, like a... Anti-vax guy oh really yeah I think I did I think someone was telling me about this the other day let me have a look

let me do a little google man she's she'd be I don't know you know she used to be like Australia's greatest export and then the more I read about it

the more I go I think you might be not all there Andrew Wakefield yes Andrew Jeremy Wakefield is a British anti-vaccine activist, former physician. Former physician is so good.

And discredited academic. That fucking rocks. Yeah. That's a sick title. Yeah. Oh, God. The fridge is on. The fridge is on.

And it's got a Ben Lomas magnet on it, I've only just noticed. Yeah, guess who put that there? His manager. Yes, Ben Lomas. Yeah, yeah, nice. Sven de Vinkel. Sven de Vinkel. Oh, he's got to be Vinkel.

Sven de Vinkel. It sounds way better, Sven de Vinkel. Yeah. And, you know, those W's, a lot of the times are pronounced V, aren't they? I'm pretty sure they are. Oh, yeah, God, I don't know. I really don't know. Such a risk.

Sven. Sven. Sven's a cool name, I've got to say. I mean, it is from this side of the world because it's an oddity, but over there it's probably Glenn. That's probably the Swedish Glenn. It's like, obviously, I think people naming their kids names from a different culture is obviously pretty dodgy.

But where is the cut-off? Yes, Carl speaking. Huh? Carl speaking. Is there a cut-off where you could... Could you, just living here, have a kid and get away with calling it Sven? Or do you think people would go, what the fuck's wrong with you? Like, having no ancestry based in that part of the world.

If your friend said, had a kid and called it Sven, what would you say? Too bad or behind their back? What would you say behind their back? Obviously. I think I'd be like, I'd do a bit of detective work. I'd be like, hey, do they have any like, you know, where's their family from again? I'd sort of do a bit do they have any, like, you know, answers? Where's their family from again?

I'd sort of do a bit of digging because you don't, you know, you don't want to go in half cock and then find out that they actually have, you know, complete... Did you say half cocked or half cock? I said half cock. Yeah, you said half cock. Yeah. Isn't that the saying? No, it's half cocked.

Yeah, yeah. All right. Well, that's... That is... I think half cock is more of a, you know, like a saying about some, you know, some other behaviour. Yeah, what's it meant to... Having a small cock. Half cock.

Well, what's half cocked meant to mean? The gun is... Yeah. Is it a gun thing? Yeah, I think so. Right, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's one of those things where it's like

it being thrown around as vernacular is so far removed from, like, the literal, like, definition of what it's meant to be that it's like, what are you actually saying even if you're saying it properly anyway? That should be a saying, though. Someone's running around half cock. Yeah.

What do you mean by that? They've got half a dick. They've got a small penis. Yeah, right. They're just making these wild assumptions. The act of a man with a tiny penis. Yeah, no, I actually hate metaphors. I'm just telling you what's going on.

Yeah, but I would... Yeah, you don't want to, you don't want to charge in. Trencher shot his half his dick off, that's why. Chris Trencher. You don't want to charge in

and go like, how dare this person call their kids Ven. And then you find out that like, yeah, they were fucking born in that part of the world. Yeah.

You notice I'm dancing around what part of the world that is because I'm not even sure. Swedish? I mean, it's definitely that part of the world. That region. What do you call that again?

I do know. I always, it's definitely that part of the world. That region. What do you call that again? I do know. I always forget it. Not the, you know, Sweden, Norway is called, I know there's a million fucking podcast listeners yelling at me right now. It's called, what's it called? I don't know. You know what it's fucking called. I don't.

I'm bad at geography. I don't know. And guess called? I don't know. You know what it's fucking called. I don't. I'm bad at geography. I don't know. And guess what? I don't care. You do. I don't care. You do. I don't give a fuck.

You do. I'm looking it up. I really don't give a fuck. I'm looking it up. If I'm ever going on Millionaire, I'll start boning up then. Scandinavia. Oh, okay. There we go.

You know that. Everyone knows that, surely. Except for me one minute okay. There we go. You know that. Everyone knows that, surely. Except for me one minute ago. Wikipedia knows that. Yeah, so is this dude from there? That's cool. But Sven, I mean, I would give someone a pass, but then it's like someone going, oh, and this is my white child, you know, Tatsuto.

You'd be like, okay, mate, you're pushing it a bit here. You're pushing the boundaries. I, you know, whenever I hear about someone that far away listening to our show, it does, it gets me more than half cock. It gets me full cock. It gives you full cock. It gives me full cock. It gives me full cock.

Yep. I love giving full cock. Well, they might not necessarily... I mean, they could be... You know, they could be from Australia. Yeah, but... Fuck. Yeah.

You know, they could have been born here, for all we know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. Sure. Absolutely. But hopefully not. Hopefully not. Hopefully they're somewhere else.

Yeah. Let us know. Yeah. I'm very keen to hear. Thanks, Sven. Thanks, Sven. Sven Devinkel or Dewinkel. Dewinkel. Yeah. I'm very keen to hear. Thanks, Sven. Thanks, Sven. DaVinkle or DaWinkle. DaWinkle.

Yeah. I drove past. I drove to Northland the other night, and I drove past. Have you ever seen this place? On the way to Northland, there's a pizza place called Bullwinkle's Pizza. And it's just got a big mural of Rocky and Bullwinkle on the side. And it just makes me laugh every time. The idea that, like, the person owning that pizza place going,

this is what will get them in. The 1950s cartoon Rocky and Bullwinkle. And also, I love the idea that whoever owns that has just never really gotten around to chasing up whether anyone's infringing on their copyright. It's like, oh, it's a piece of joint. Fucking who cares? I saw an article the other day.

Someone in Germany in some pissant fucking piece of shit little pizza shop had made a pizza on their menu called the Champignon League pizza. Okay. And the UEFA Champions League sued them to get that off their menu. That's mad. Yeah. But yet there's a place out in fucking, you know, what town is it? What suburb is it out there? What is the suburb right before you get to

I actually don't know it's like near Preston I guess that kind of area there's a Coburg pizza shop that's called Bullwinkle's Pizza and in the last 60 years

no one's found out about it to shut them down but who I mean who is in charge of the Rocky and Bullwinkle chasing up the IP at this point I think the funny thing

about it is like you know I used to watch Rocky and Bullwinkle a fair bit when at this point. I think the funny thing about it is like, you know, I used to watch Rocky and Bullwinkle a fair bit when I was a kid. Absolutely no links to pizza whatsoever. I would go so far as to say I don't think there's a single episode where a character on Rocky and Bullwinkle eats a pizza or mentions pizza, even in a fleeting manner. Let us know, guys, if you know of an episode. Ninja Turtles pizza.

That's right there. Yeah, people are looking for that, though. I mean, you know, I might start up a new business, Top Cat Pizza. Oh, yeah, that's cool. Yeah. That's right there. Yeah, people are looking for that though. I mean, I'd, you know, I might start up a new business, Top Cat Pizza. Oh yeah, that's cool. Yeah. That'd be good.

Don't get me wrong, I love Rocky and Bullwinkle. I love driving past that mural. Seeing Boris and Natasha on there. Oh, they've got the whole game. They've got the whole thing. It's, it's,

whoever's done this mural is a real head. Like, they're really into it. Great. I'm keen, I'm keen to go now. I watched a bit of Rocky and Bullwinkle in my hotel after our Brisbanebane episode i came home and was just channel surfing on foxtel in there and rocking there's like a new rock there's a rebooted rocky and bullwinkle

i was like this is sick uh thank you very much i'm watching the time here i've actually set up my room oh yeah let's go and we've got dummy us to do after this oh fuck you know we're in trouble or maybe we can do them tomorrow yeah Yeah, let's do them tomorrow. Let's do them tomorrow. Yeah. Real peek behind the curtain. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Jack Cam. Jack Cam.

Yep. That's clunky. The brother of a good friend of mine, Webb. Oh, nice. You like that? Nice. You like that? Yeah, Jack, it's nearly impossible to say.

Jack Cam. It's hard to go from that Kurt into another Kurt immediately. Jack Cam. It does sound like a site on the internet where you can just permanently be seeing a dick made to cum. Yeah. Just dialing up the Jack Cam. Well, not even necessarily seeing it come, just seeing the lead up. Because once you're coming, you're not jacking anymore.

There's not a lot of jacking. Yeah. So it's just like a perpetual motion machine. You're just seeing a hand. It's kind of poetic in a way. The hand keeps jacking, but nothing ever happens. It's not the 100-meter sprint. It's more of a marathon.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's endurance. It's an even, very even pace. It's tantric. Yeah. Speaking of... Just sting. Pulling his pud 24 hours a day.

I was about to use the phrase pulling his pud as well. I was about to say, speaking of pulling one's pud, have you watched that Pam and Tommy yet? No. I've been on holiday, so I can't be watching anything like that. Right. Yeah. But then my wife, on the way home, on the plane,

I thought she would absolutely not be into that. On the plane, she bought one of those New Idea A Woman's Day. Yep. And there was a spread on it. Funnily enough. Funnily enough. And she showed me and goes, Hey, you've still got Disney Plus, haven't you?

I'm like, yeah, for Get Back, for the Beatles thing. And she's like, oh, let's watch this. I'm like, oh, fuck, all right. Nice. No worries. Get Back, and now they've got Get Bareback. No. Yeah, I've got Disney Plus.

It's Get Back, and now we've got Front as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck, it's truly wild getting on a Disney streaming service, and it's like, you know, why don't you check out Moana or Mulan? And then it's like, at the moment you check out Moana or Mulan? And then it's like, at the moment, Pam and Tommy is like big splash banner up the top of the thing. It's bizarre.

But not only that, when they got Get Back, they made a big deal of it. This Beatles documentary, this fucking 16-hour documentary about the Beatles recording an album in 1969. And then they made a big deal of going, guess what, for the first ever time on Disney Plus in their entire history of the last six months or however long

they've been around for check it out we're allowing some swearing and then like three weeks later we've got a documentary about someone getting fucked in the pussy

I think you'll enjoy it I've watched the first two apps and it's real good great I didn't realise until afterwards that it's the person who made I, Tonya. Yes, I just saw an ad for it before. Very stylistically, same sort of thing.

Very flashy production. The only thing I know about that is I read that and I also read a thing. Where was it? A link came up. In your wife's new idea magazine? Yeah, where they were sort of documenting. was it something a link came up in your wife's new idea magazine yeah where it was like where they were saying they were they were they were sort of documenting the ways that they got her to look like pamela anderson oh yeah different phases of her life and whatever which i thought

was very funny because there was a huge big thing about her hair and then it's like who are we kidding here and eventually comes down and goes and this is how we did the boobs yeah that's like, well, that's what we're looking for. Yeah, that's the real. That's what we're looking for. It's fucking pretty remarkable how much they look like Pam and Tommy. Wow. They've done a fucking great job. A lot of the times these biopic things, it's like, I mean, you're 60% of the way there, but who gives a fuck?

Like, you're a good actor. It doesn't really matter. I'm not really tricked into thinking that I'm actually looking at Monica Lewinsky in this biopic. But this one is, like, fucking unbelievable. I did see the pictures there, and I thought in half of them she looked amazingly like Pammy Beckett in that time. But it also made me almost be annoyed because in the other half of the time you go, oh, she doesn't look exactly like her.

But it's almost heightened my expectations by the other times where I've seen her where she's looked exactly like her like i was disappointed this is a great um actually internet guy like just getting on twitter and being like um she doesn't even look that much like pami in some of the scenes i like the bit the article i read or skimmed over at least there was a bit where they go oh we made it look like this in this in this period because she used to like put too much lipstick on. It would go over the top, a couple of mil over. And I'm like, good point. I remember her doing that.

Right, right, right. As a real panhead. You're like the people that fucking hated what Peter Jackson did to The Lord of the Rings. The people that were obsessed with the books are like, can't believe he cut out all this great stuff. The character development's just not there. And on top of everything else, you didn't even get to see it go in. Like, not like the beautiful original that this has all been based on,

where you actually got to see it go in and out, in and out. This thing, you're seeing Seth Rogen. I don't need to see that. They're getting pretty close so far. Oh, really? Yeah, it's very explicit. Well, speaking of Jack Cam,

I'm going to treat... Is it Tom and Pammy or Pammy and Tom? Tom and Pammy. No, Pammy and Tom. Pam and Tommy. Pam and Tommy, of course. Pam and Tommy.

They don't call her Pammy. I don't know if she's ever referred to herself as Pammy. No. Yeah. No. Yeah, I believe you're right. How is this...

But, you know, Jack Cam, if you film me watching, I'll put a live feed of me watching it and we can call that the Jack Cam. That's it. Yep. But I think it's funny that Tommy Lee's now been part of two shows like this where he's been made into like a cheap sort of almost comic-y character. Right. Because he was in oh the

dirt the dirt right right i never watched that yeah but he man they fucking the first episode they go for it with him in terms of just make which i'm sure he is slash was making him look like the world's biggest cunt right it is just incredibly like whoever's making it just going like yeah you know what fuck this guy let's not beat around the bush and be like oh you know this guy stopped like basically the entire first episode is leading up to seth rogan's character stealing the tape and just basically making tommy lee into so much of a cunt that it's like yeah good i'm glad seth rogan stole this cunt's property wow okay yeah i don't i don't know super that much I always thought The general impression Was that

He was sort of like I don't know Some sort of like Dopey fucking Fun loving Fuckhead Rather than some Super cunt

But yeah I don't know No he's a fucking Yeah he's made out to be A real asshole in this Which I I kind of love It's funny to make a biopic When the people are still alive

And just be like You know what? Fuck this guy. Let's just drag him through the mud and just really go for it and make him look like the world's biggest piece of shit. Well, actually, the only thing I know about him in the last 10 years is that his son knocked him out, which is probably not a good sign. I watched it with my girlfriend and she was like, do you reckon Pam and Tommy's kids would

watch this? Like, absolutely not. A biopic about your parents fucking rooting. Wouldn't they? Oh, God. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know.

What headspace are you in when you're the kids of Pammy and Tommy? Yeah. Fucking incredible. Well, her son is on The Hills, the reboot of The Hills. Oh, yeah, yeah. And it's very funny because it's like, oh, mum's coming around. Yeah. And then it's like, who she is? How embarrassing's like oh mum's coming around and then it's like who she is

how embarrassing double E mum is coming around one of the hottest women in the last hundred years totally damn

well thanks Jack Cam thanks Jack Cam I'll be jacking it very shortly thank you very much to next cab off the rank your name

could have been right there thank you very much too. Tyson Priddle. Priddle? What the fuck? Priddle. Tyson Priddle. Yeah, we read your Priddle little name. Priddle little princess.

Sorry, Priddle. Sorry, Priddle. That's your name. Yeah, that's bad. I've got to look this up. What does Priddle mean? Priddle. Here's all the possible meanings in translation. I'm just, the first place I could go to that says, what does prittle mean? The answer is this. Did you actually mean prattle or proudly?

So no, not even, not even having a crack at it. No. So no, you've made a mistake here. Love a bit of that. Prittle doesn't exist. Yeah, that's great. You're talking nonsense. You're prattling. Yeah. I love a prattle. And you're proud. Fuck, I love a prattle. Well, you're being proud about it. Yeah. I'm fired up. Got some people coming around for dinner. God, I can just see myself just prattling

away in the next hour. Oh my God. Okay, here we go. Jesus Christ. The only answer I can get is Urban Dictionary. What is Urban Dictionary, by the way? Is it just complete, like they just do whatever the fuck they want? It's like slang and stuff. It's like, yeah. Do they make stuff up? Here's what it says here. Priddle.

Oh, God. This is what it says here. Priddle, a collection of between three and 46 dwarves trained in specialist tactical covert digging. Oh, a bit more trench action. This is a... What does that mean? This is a, like...

Someone's just made that up. This is like someone's done it, you know, like what we would do, like, in the past, like, oh, get on and edit Wikipedia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is some bullshit where someone's going, hey, everyone, let's prank the Urban Dictionary. Let's make the Urban Dictionary sound silly. So no one's checking fucking Urban Dictionary. This's make the Urban Dictionary sound silly. So no one's checking fucking Urban Dictionary. This is all bullshit, isn't it?

This is like the fucking Bullwinkle Pizza Shop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, here's the next one they put in. So people are just putting in whatever. No one's checking it. If there is a series of movies made, the movie that would be between a prequel and the first movie in the series is called a prittle.

What? I don't know. I mean, that I kind of... That's one of those facts that's like if you've made that up that's like perfectly obscure enough to be believable yeah like it's just on the cusp of like okay but so what like you make a so you make a prequel look and then you end up going oh actually there is more of the story to tell in between that and the actual first one. Yeah, I guess. You know what?

That theory was added to the site in March 2004, and since then it's got two thumbs up. All right. Yeah. I think we've given it way too much credence to even fucking read out loud. Maybe it's this guy. Maybe he's one of the thumbs up. He's just getting in there and he's like, yeah, it's my name.

It's the only time my name comes up on the internet anywhere, so sure. Thank you, yes. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I was between the original and the prequel.

Oh. So he's the middle child. Yeah. Right. Except the first kid came out last in that scenario. Well, yeah,

because otherwise he's just the... The first kid's the youngest? Yeah, I suppose so. That's funny if you had a prequel kid. Maybe this is a time-travelling family that are about to appear in this room and tell us how the episode that people have just heard went. Oh, fuck.

We need to know a lot of stuff. That is very funny to have a prequel kid and it's the oldest son. Yeah. That'd be great. Just going like, no, you know what? I'm just going to start lying about my kid's age. I'm going to tell people that this baby's 10 years old. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, Priddle. Well, thanks, Tice and Priddle. Thanks, Tice. We better get it. I've got 15 minutes to set up my comedy room. Yeah. So we better get going. Lucky we're not doing the dummies.

Let's do one last one. Just a reminder, everyone, we've got merch on sale get onto the website we moved a bunch of merch in Brisbane we've got to reorder the burger shirts so if you've been there

and you've noticed that there was no large, XLs, mediums anything for ages we've got the full complement of sizes back there again so we've got

the aware shirts as well have we got anything else oh we've got a very small handful of the merch for this section of the show. We've got a

handful of assorted little sizes and of course, as always, an assortment of girl sizes in all the t-shirts where girls

demanded them and then never ever bought them. And then went, no, we'd rather buy the men's sizes instead. I'm going to sleep in this,, we'd rather buy the men's sizes instead. I'm going to sleep in this, so I'd rather get a big baggy one.

Yep. So get on to that on our website. Man, episodes on there, live shows on there, merch on there. What's not on there? Let's get into it. The definition of prittle. Yes. And also the fifth name that we're reading out this week.

Well, it might be on there. The fifth. Oh, it is the fifth name that we're reading out this week. Wow, it might be on there. Oh, it is the fifth name. Yeah. Okay, all right. We'll end on that. Okay, thank you very much to... Boy, it's great that you bought yourself some time with that merch plug. Yeah, which wasn't really buying myself any time

because as I'm saying all that stuff, I'm having to think about what's on there. Yeah, and wasn't really buying myself any time because as I'm saying all that stuff, I'm having to think about what's on there. Yeah, and you've also, now there's more distance from stuff that we've previously been talking about. Yeah, the perfect plan. Absolutely the perfect plan. Is there anything in this room that might help the UTA conjure up the name?

Yeah, well, I mean, that's the real problem. We're in the basement, which is cutting out the internet access to the UTA. Right, right, right. So it's a real problem we're in the basement and which is cutting out the internet access to the right right right right it's a little bit hard in here at the moment it sort of seems like it's been fine the whole rest of it it's just now it's yeah well you're right you're just stating the thing this is what happens yeah yeah no i know the um the wi-fi is a bit tricky down here that's all um okay okay um uh let's do the last one here we go i think we've just got a signal um thank you very much to patreon subscriber oh wow okay here we go thank you very much to

patreon subscriber pamela denise comedy anderson wow wow she's she's a listener and i knew denise with her middle name i didn't know she had two middle names. And one of them's comedy. Yeah. I don't know what's so funny about having big naturals. Well. What? That's two big natural middle names she's got there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Well, thanks, Pammy. Yeah, thanks, Pammy. Thanks. I'm glad you enjoy our work just as much. Enjoy yours. I really hope you're listening to our episodes every week

and going to town on yourself as much as we've done to your work. Absolutely. All right. Well, thanks, Pammy, and thanks, everyone who supports the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Patreon.com slash Little Dumb Dumb Club is where you can sign up. Thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you next.