The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 596 - Live! Fiona O'Loughlin, Nazeem Hussain & Brett Blake

Episode Date: March 1, 2022

We're back in Adelaide for our yearly live show that happens to take place during a time that a lot of comedians are in town! In the past we've made a lot of fun of Adelaide but we're on our best behaviour this time and holding ourselves to account. Tommy's been in town a couple of days and having a very unexpected ticket-selling experience with his solo show. BRETT BLAKE fills us in on his previous life of moonlighting as an Uber Driver, NAZEEM HUSSAIN drops in and starts flexing his power as a Fringe ambassador, PLUS we're anxious about whether or not FIONA O'LOUGHLIN will turn up, so we've got a very special understudy waiting in the wings... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dum Dum Club, a great new episode live from Adelaide with guests Brett Blake, Nazeem Hussain and Fiona O'Loughlin. A bit of an announcement, as we mentioned last week on the show, we are not going to be in Perth this weekend because of the borders and the airfares and all of that malarkey, but we have a new date for you Saturday, July the 16th at the same venue. Your existing tickets are still valid, but there are some available, correct? There is a handful available. 3pm on Saturday afternoon, Stand Up Show Plus live podcast with plenty of great familiar faces from our friends. Yeah, it's going to be a great show.

It's nearly going to be two years since we were supposed to be doing it, so please hold on to those tickets. It's finally going to happen this time. I really have a good feeling about this one, Tommy. So please hold on to those tickets. It's finally going to happen this time. I really have a good feeling about this one, Tommy. And then we have, of course, our shows in Melbourne,

the 500th and 600th episode happening back-to-back under the one ticket, April 2nd at the Athenaeum Theatre. This is another one two years in the making, but we are getting close. A scant handful of tickets left. Then there's a little after-party afterwards that you can get tickets to as well. And then, of course, there's three live podcasts the next following Saturday afternoons, April 9th, 16th, and 23rd at the European Beer Cafe, 4.30. Some of the hottest shows of the year, Tommy.

Yes. Make sure you go and get those tickets right now. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. You're about to hear a ripping live show from Adelaide. I talk about it a little bit in the ep, but I did my solo show afterwards and it was sold out. So I'm coming back March the 16th, 6.15pm at the Rhino Room. Get a ticket to that at TommyDassolo.com because if you were in this show and you didn't get to come to the solo,

you're a terrific crowd. Never forget that. But we'll talk to you more at the end of the episode in Talking Dumb Dumb. But until then, enjoy this great episode live from Adelaide. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo.

With me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, Nick. Yes. Yes. Wow. Holy shit. You can turn the theme. The theme doesn't have to play for the entire show.

You can just fade that down now. You seem to be turning it up. Just really vibing it like, I fucking love this song. Let's hear the whole thing, boys. These audience are making too much noise. I can't even hear this music. Fucking pump it. Fuck, it's beautiful of you guys, Adelaide,

to give us such a warm response just off your own bat. That was amazing. Didn't have to come out here before the show and beg for you to be kind to us or anything like that out of the goodness of their own hearts. Didn't come out and say, don't be like Brisbane, you motherfuckers. They just got it straight away.

But we did the job. We're better than Ben Lomas. I think we can get his job now. Good to be here. Good to fucking be here. Adelaide. We're back. This is so promising. I feel like we've had some underwhelming gigs here over the years. It's our fault we come out and we talk too much about where we are.

Yep. And we depress you guys and all of a sudden we're... Well, it's not the talking about where we are that's the problem. It's the tone with which we do it. Right, right. Right, right. So we're not doing that tonight. Today we're very positive.

You guys are so fucking rapturous as we walked out, even though we told you to be. But you guys are in a fucking ripper mood. It's almost... It's going too good so far, I have to ask. Is the recorder on and working? We're all good? It's like it's going too good so far i have to ask is the recorder on and working yeah we're all good it's like it's it's it's all good okay because it's like the dum-dum the dum-dum rule is like you can't have everything going right all at the same time yeah if the audience

are good well then something else is going horribly awry man the highlight of our career we get on the project just as like the world closes down. To promote a gig that had been cancelled the day before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're like, can we promote it when it's been delayed too? And they're like, no. You've had your go already. Yeah. It would have been good if we could have gotten on there

for every consecutive cancelled gig. We'd probably have the record for guest appearances on the project by now. I think we should pitch them to go back and just do a before and after, like two years ago. Yeah. We'd just come back and try and replicate every word we said the first time. Yeah, or we'd just have picture in picture.

We have us before, and we're just kind of commentating the earlier appearance. All right, well, the recorder's definitely working, because, like I said, you can't have it all at once. But, yes, we did. We were talking on the show the other week about how traditionally we come over here, the gigs are weird and it's our fault because we get up here and we complain about being in Adelaide

and we complain about the Adelaide audiences. But this time, what we're trying to do, this time we want to be more positive, okay? We're not going to have a gig where we shit on Adelaide and we complain about Adelaide. We love you. Yeah, we want to be more positive, okay? We're not going to have a gig where we shit on Adelaide and we complain about Adelaide. We love you. Yeah, we want to be held to account. We want to be accountable.

That's why we've got the swear jar altered to the Adelaide jar. So if we bag Adelaide at all, boom, straight in here. We've got to put money straight in here, okay? So we get kept on us. We'll put this right here. And feel free to call us in here. Yeah, yeah. So, you know, we get kept on us. We'll put this right here. Yeah. And feel free to call us on it. Yeah, yeah. And, like, for example, you know, just so you know how things work.

Yeah. What's the going rate, by the way? Well, it depends how savage the burn. Just so these guys understand, you know, the concept. I think some people are still going, Adelaide jar, what? Well, to you, I say this. For example, if I was to say something like this, I wouldn't. Hypothetically.

I wouldn't. Yeah, but hypothetically, if you were to... This is like the example in the textbook. So if I was to say, hey, to the people from home, we're doing this gig from the Rhino Room. Of course, the room's named after an endangered species, Rhino, not Adelaide ticket buyer. There you go.

There you go. That's a cool 70 cents straight in there. And that probably... I mean, look, it's to keep us honest and it's to keep us from doing things like that, but we probably will by the end of the gig. It probably will be a full jar. And you might be asking where's the money going to go? And not to get too

earnest, but I'm sure we've all seen the news in the last couple of days. These awful scenes from the other side of the world. So of course, by the end of the gig, this full Adelaide jar, we will be giving the money to the Russian Armed Forces. Because the what's happening to them in the media

at the moment is disgusting. A real... Yeah. A fucking real hatchet job, I think we can all agree. They're trying to cancel Russia. It's not cool. I love that we're saying this as the true cool hard-ass stand-ups sitting down on a chair on stage. Oh, my God.

Put their hat on backwards. But no, I saw, last night in Adelaide, I saw maybe one of the best things I've ever seen in my life. I was at the Exeter. I was in the toilet. The Exeter Hotel. The Exeter Hotel. I was in the toilet. I was at the urinal.

There was a man next to me, and he was, like, on his phone while he was taking a piss. So he's, like, one hand holding his dick, other hand holding the phone. It is a bold move, isn't it? Because it does look like you're trying to record your piss. Yeah, that was why I was having a look. I was like, what's this important?

What's possibly this important? You're trying to live stream. Yes. Yes. I'll take that money back. I fucking... No, I don't know. I deserve that money. I just gave that money.

I actually think it's a negative against Adelaide that they applauded that, to be honest. But, so, yeah, he's pissing, he's on the phone, drops the phone into the urinal, and it's gone onto his home screen, and his background is like a photo of his kids. And so then he's just pissing on his kids. But he's like, you know, he's midstream, he can't stop, then he's just, he's just pissing on his kids. But he's like,

you know, he's midstream, he can't stop and he's like, ah, ah, piss all over their beautiful young faces and I was like,

this is, this is the best thing I've seen at the Fringe. Five stars in the advertiser, extra shows added, weekly Fringe award. Yeah, you wouldn't have seen like

kids getting pissed online for a couple of days before that. It had been a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you wouldn't have seen kids getting pissed online for a couple of days before that. It had been a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's blocked in my hotel room. I forgot to change the settings on my VPN. Oh, man.

Yeah, no, great to be back in Adelaide. It is sort of weird, given the way we carry on about the place, that the pandemic has affected every gig we've done in every city except this one. Oh yeah. Like we can't go to Koh Samui but we can go to Adelaide. Yeah. Been to Adelaide twice in two years. Yeah Adelaide's the only

place we haven't had to reschedule gigs. It's fucking going off. Like I said I love I'm doing my solo show after this for the first time. It's a 4.45, directly after. It's a small room. I put it on sale and a few days before coming here, sold out.

Sold out gig. Feeling great. It's a small room, but still, it's like I used to come to the Fringe ages ago and couldn't sell a ticket for love nor money. Did you register it under the Melbourne Comedy Festival website? So hang on, what's happening at the moment is you're putting money in, but then also you've taken money out a couple of times when you've been proud of yourself.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's just the same 70 cents in perpetuity, just doing a lap of the room. It's a one for one. My deal tonight is one shit on Adelaide, one cracker joke. Yeah, right, right, right. So I got here and I didn't know this, but I found out after I got here and I was talking to the venue managers that the capacities

in venues in Adelaide had actually changed. It had gone down a little bit and I didn't know that. So I'd sold the room to 100% capacity and at the moment it's at 75% capacity. So I'm in Adelaide not only having sold out a show but oversold a show in advance like am i in the fucking twilight zone like what's what's going what the fuck's going on here so then i had to get up yesterday and send an email out because as we

we talk about this a lot on the show right you you sell out you sell a lot of tickets to a show and then invariably there's like a whole handful of people who just don't show up. For whatever reason, something comes up. Especially at the moment. Yeah. So I thought, this will hopefully just sort itself out. So I send an email out to all the ticket holders. And I go, hey, look, sorry about this. Here's the situation.

If you've got an inkling that you might not be able to come for whatever reason, let me know now. I can refund you. And that would be helping me out a lot. Within like five minutes, I get an email from a guy going, oh, I've come down with COVID-19. So I wasn't going to be able to come anyway. I'm like, great, happy to hear it. Wraps of this stranger has a potentially debilitating illness. If I could just, if six more people could message me

that they're on ventilators, then fucking I'll be happy as Larry. That's so cute. Like it's still so new here in Adelaide, they're still calling it COVID-19. It's the spicy cough, you fucking nerd cunt. So, yeah, I'm like, okay, great. That's the first email I get five minutes after. I'm like, beautiful, this is just going to take care of itself.

The next three emails I get are all from people going like, oh, yeah, I'm happy to just not come. Quite the little fan base I've built up there for myself, isn't it? A room absolutely packed to bursting with people who don't really give a fuck one way or the other whether or not they're seeing the show. I look forward to seeing you in an hour flyering outside the front of your comedy show.

Yeah, I think we will have to have a standby list. Speaking of, speaking of standby lists. So, we're here, we're here. We find, speaking of standby lists, so we're here, we find ourselves absolutely coincidentally in the middle of the Adelaide Fringe Festival, just

at the time where there are proper comedians here and not the local ones. And... Oh, fuck! Fuck. I didn't realise...

This guy in the third row was like pointing at the jar, but it sort of just looked like he was pointing at the guy in front of him. I was like, I was... This guy in the third row was, like, pointing at the jar, but it sort of just looked like he was pointing at the guy in front of him. I was like, wow, we've got a local Adelaide comedian in the second row. All right, mate, get up, have a go. Here we go. I was getting excited.

I was like, I'm going to rag some open mic. Oh, wow. That was a full four bucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The rate's gone up. Fuck, that's how bad I am. I don't even realise when I'm shitting on Adelaide. I didn't even...

You guys are yelling, I'm like, what? What? Yeah, I think maybe the strategy, a better strategy would have been like, you have one of those shock collars that you put on a dog when you want to train it to not go past the fence. It's like, everyone in the crowd has a remote, and then you're like, oh, I had it here. No, I'd like to do another episode at some stage please

um so uh so we're here there's there's heaps of comedians around and so we're sport of the choice in a way almost um but we did book a bunch of comics and uh one of them we kind of had some doubts about so their reliability so thought, maybe we'll get a more reliable person as a standby. An understudy. Yeah, an understudy,

that's right. So we've got someone learning their lines, hopefully over their side of stage. Fuck, are they that unruly? Are they?

Is our understudy even fucking not there? Do we have an understudy for the understudy? Understudy, can we get to where we were supposed to be? Right,

yeah, right. Yeah. No, sit down and... What are you doing? Don't come to the stage. Do what we told you to do. Yeah, the thing that I told you to do like five minutes ago.

And ten minutes ago. Where did I tell you that the microphone was going to be? Yep, there you go. My God. Yep. Now, you talk into it. The little round bit at the top, you talk into that. Hello.

Oh, fuck. How do you bomb saying hello? I love those green guard letters. Anyway, so we've got... Shut the gates. We've got... We booked someone. Nick was here because we knew he didn't have anything else to do.

So you're the understudy. You're the break glass in case of emergency over there. So you're not technically a guest at the moment, but if we need you, you will become a guest. Is that cool? Yeah, I can be the guest. Oh, my mum from Alice Springs. That's right, folks.

We've got Marge Simpson booked in. I've got 30 kids. I've got 30 kids in Darwin. I live on the rock. Again, guys, who knows who he's the understudy for? So at the moment we are absolutely unsure whether Marge is coming. Yeah. Yeah, but we're going to have that guest on last.

Yeah, so we'll know. Potentially, we'll know. We've got some time. We're giving them a fair buffer. But, Cameron, in the meantime, you are here. Look at all these desperate people who do not want the artist study to be on. Just messaging this person on social media being like, hey, get down to the gig, for the love of God.

Bringing hospitals around Adelaide. Do you deliver? Are you on Uber Eats? Can you do an ambulance but in reverse? I don't like my husband. He's a bad man. All right, all right. Anyway, Kevin, before we get into the proper guest, Kevin.

I don't think he's met the third guest based on this impression Never been in the same room as him You are here in Adelaide I've seen on social media you are selling out shows Congratulations to you, Kappa Yes, thank you I just have one question for you

I've been reading a lot about how you've been selling out shows and I saw your venue and it's outside How do you sell out outside? I mean, that's the biggest venue of all. That's the entire population. Are you like Russia? Your audience is like, you know, going into

Ukraine. It's like you're invading other people's shows. Well, it depends how many seats I have on hand. If ten people rock up, then I put out ten seats. Sold out. Yeah. Fuck. He seats. Sold out. Yeah. Fuck. He's figured it out.

Yeah, so if you're coming tonight, yeah. Bring your own seat. Just let me know so I know how many seats. Yeah, they'll probably let you know by ticket sales. Oh, yeah, you can do that now, can't you? Yeah, yeah. Bloody hell, technology. Great. All right alright, alright. So, shall we get out our first official guest?

Yeah, let's get out our... I'm feeling good. We got a good... We're going to be nice to Adelaide. So these people are going to be nice to us. We got the understudy and then we got other great guests. This is going to be good. This is feeling good. So far, Russia have earned $5.70. So, that's something. No, that'll help to cover the windfall of those trade sanctions.

That'll be right. We're back in the green. Yes. All right. Let's welcome out our first guest. Please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Brett Blake. Yes, Adelaide.

Your town's a fucking shithole. Your beer's shit, you got rid of the Clipsil 500, you dumb cunts. Now the strip joint pole position isn't open at 8.30 in the morning and I can't get a bacon and egg sandwich, anyway. And you encourage magicians to exist, anyway. Yeah, that's the worst thing of all. It's fucked.

That was $20 that went in the jar for those playing at home wondering what the conversion rate is. Sorry, guys. For people at home wondering how much it is to call Adelaide a cunt, it is $20.

To accuse Adelaide of being... Can I get some change back, though? Value for money. Yeah, yeah. Look at that. Like I said, we've got the Adelaide fringe to choose between

and we've booked Capper and Blakey. We're turning Snowtown into Bro Town. Yes! How long have you been sitting on that one, honestly? Man, honestly, I heard him say it four days ago and I said, nah. Don't do it in our show. Save it for the dum-dum nerds. I'm doing it in our show as well.

Oh, now you're a fucking hack. Thanks for doing it. Thanks for doing it, Blakey. Thanks for being confirmed and turning up. Man, I'm here. You know, you're missing a guest, but honestly, Adelaide, if you think about it, it's your own fault.

She's not here. You know, you're leaving hand sanitiser bottles all around. You know what I mean? What? She doesn't have a... She's got a dirty mouth. COVID-19 or happy hour? Yeah, yeah.

Just as she's always sanitising. Yeah. No, not here yet. Good joke. So, yeah. I pray she's not. She scares me. I mean, God, I mean, you and her are probably the one with the best drinking records,

I think, out of everyone in the Dundun community. Well, that's what I'm scared of. I'm just looking into a mirror. Yeah, yeah, right. It's a future. Oh, that's drag Blakey. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right.

So you've been here, what, you've been here like a week or so? Mate, been here a week living it up in Adelaide, you know, just experiencing all the delicacies. That's another thing. Your fucking cocaine shithouse you know, just experiencing all the delicacies. That's another thing. Your fucking cocaine's shithouse. Anyway, just kidding. He would have put more money into the swear jar, but he had too much Adelaide cocaine.

That's why I'm sweating up here, you know? Well, but also, you know, these people have been holding us to account. You said that no one in the audience was pointing at the jar. They're just like, yeah, it is shit. That's just a fact. You don't need to chip in for that. So I got here a couple of days ago, Brett, and I went and had dinner the other night

with a few people, and your partner was there. And she mentioned something offhand that I didn't know about you. My little ears pricked up, and I thought, how have we never talked about this? Not only have we not talked about it on the show, I didn't know this about you, that you for a period of time, you were an Uber driver. Yes. Yeah. No, no.

I was, lasted about two weeks until I got into a fist fight with a guy at a kebab shop. I said, don't, don't put, you're putting salad all over my fucking car. And he's like, oh, whatever. And I'm like, get the fuck out. And he's like, oh, I'm not getting out. And then I just dragged him out on Smith Street and kicked him. So, yeah, now we're here. How many stars for that one?

Probably 10. Yeah. It was a sick kick. I mean, it didn't really happen in the Uber, so they can't really kick you out for that. Yeah, and I didn't really, I didn't start the journey. You know what I mean? Right.

Yeah. But, yeah, I was an Uber driver for two weeks, but I realise I have a very short temper, and maybe it's not the job for me. Not for you. No, but I also, like, I I get I don't know if you know this about me but I get very easily led astray so I'm like man

Saturday night I'm gonna fucking you know clock on I'm gonna make 300 bucks it's gonna be sick right and I would end up picking up like some like young teenagers who were on the way to a party and they're like man. Let's just stop it here mate. They would start making out and shit.

But they're always like, man, do you mind if we do drugs in the car? And I'm like, man, go nuts. I don't give a fuck. And then I'm like, man... Drugs in the car, but no salad, please. Yeah. Yeah. Just seeing the mullet kind of hanging over the back

of the driver's seat and being like, I think this guy's going to be okay with us doing class of hanging over the back of the driver's seat and being like, I think this guy's going to be okay with us doing class A drugs in the back of his car. Every time I drop him off at the party, they'd invite me in after the journey and I'd just get fuck-eyed with them till 4am. But I come up with a great idea because I put an Esky in the boot and full of beers

and then I used to sell people beers on the journey. Oh, wow. $5 for a can of Melbourne, you know, drop people off. in the boot and full of beers and then I used to sell people beers on the journey. Five dollars for a can of Melbourne. You know, I'd drop people off. I got lost a few times. But the mate, one, oh fuck, I remember this one, the trip that did it for me, I was like this fucking piece of shit.

So not the guy you kicked the shit out of at the kebab? No, it was a fair fight. 50-50, you know what I mean? Don't mind that guy. But I rocked up to this house, and it was like a rich house in Toorak or some shit. And I rang the guy. I said, I'm just out the front.

He goes, yeah, mate, I'm sorry. I've just got to put the bins out or whatever. And I could see him in his fucking glass mansion just standing there. And he was just looking at his phone doing fuck all and made me wait for 10 minutes. And then he crossed, got out of the house. He crossed his fucking moat or some shit.

And by that time, I am just so fucking angry. Like, I'm going to fucking bash this guy. And I just wound down the window. I was like, Uber for Jake? And he goes, yeah. And I go, fuck you, cunt. And I just drove off. And then I just fucking deleted the app.

I just went home. I go, I'm not doing that shit again. I like this guy, by the way. This kind of glass mansion. No, it's a glass house. And you gave the bird to a gardener. Yeah. Either way, he fucking deserved it.

Let me remind you too, folks. This all happened within a two-week window. This is a fucking busy fortnight that you're having with the Uber Corporation. And also, that was only my second shift. I only did two shifts. I'm like, oh, I'm not doing this shit. Because the context that your girlfriend told me about this in was like, she said that you, yeah, she's like, oh, Brett used to drive Ubers

and he told me that every now and then he'd pick up girls after the shifts. I was like, that's so made up. Like, that's so a thing that a guy says, like, yeah, I used to drive Ubers and, like, yeah, pick up a fair bit while I was driving. Why is she bigging me up? That's sick. I should get her to hang out with more of my friends. Yeah.

So many girls go, oh, God, I'd love to fuck a guy with a second job. Yeah. I mean, I'd love to suck off a taxi driver, but this will do. Fake taxi, who gives a shit? Fake Uber, hell yeah. It did remind me, though, one of the, like, maybe the second or third date I went on with my girlfriend, we were at a bar, got to the end of the night, we got an Uber,

and just as the Uber turned up, she goes, let's pretend to be brother and sister in the back of this Uber. I'm like, better thank God you're here. I'm like, oh, all right. And so then we're doing this improv scene where she's like, yeah, I thought mum was being a fucking cow. What do you think? Did you think our mum was being annoying?

And I'm like, yeah, yeah, she's so hard on you and, you know, I've always got your back as your brother. This is spoken like a true only child. And you're just sitting there with a little boner going, sis, I've got a feeling. We pull up out the front of my house and she goes, anyway, here's something that I've wanted to do for a while, bro, and starts making out with me in the back of this Uber.

And then we get out and she's like, how fucking funny was that? And I'm like, that was when I knew. You know what guys, I'm actually going to fucking turn the meter back on. I'm pretty keen for that one. I'll be back out there dropping you guys off. And ever since then, you can't do it with your girlfriend until mum and dad watch. Yeah, that's it. But just thinking about

now, I think about that every now and then and I think about that Uber driver who's just out there like, God, let me tell you the story about this crazy, fucking incestuous couple. He had his AirPods in, didn't give a fuck. You know what I mean? Like, whatever, some dork, he's getting laid, someone's going to root him.

He's like, this sister and sister made out. It was crazy. This guy's good. He should be a guest one day. He's always funny when he's not on stage. Where's your fucking monster outfit from last year, you fucking idiot? Come up here and bomb for ten minutes.

No, he's still got it on. Oh, no. That's it. All right, should we get our next guest out here? Yes, we better. Folks, please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Nazeem Hussain! Yay!

here. Folks, please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Nazeem Hussein! Hello! Hey! You're my Uber driver! I've got a few jokes to say back, but I don't want to get cancelled. Anyway... I felt like reverse driving Miss Daisy. Never seen the film, haven't heard much about it.

Apparently you went through a giveaway sign. You thought it said giveaway? You're like, fuck yeah. Fuck, getting roasted by a weird dude with scoliosis in the back sucks. A weird dude with scoliosis. What a chihuahua with a fucking haircut of fucking Joe Exotic. Fuck, it was a long run- up, but you got there, brother. Good on you.

Do you guys do this in your own show to 12 people, please? We're actually sold out, Carl, so fuck off. Actually, we're not sold out. Brady read the numbers wrong. I was like, brother, we are sold out. And he's like, man, you're looking at the wrong line. I was like, fuck, we've got a lot of tickets to move. It's not 90, you had it upside down, it's nine.

Can't get a word in. I wish my sister was here so I could make out with her. I'm very intimidated at the moment. There's a lot of yelling and swearing. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, mate. I'm actually here as a Fringe Festival ambassador. You are.

You are the actual... Well, whack some money in, go slag them off. Come on. Is this for bagging out Adelaide? Yeah. I can actually cancel this show. Oh, you should take the money, actually. You're the face of Adelaide. Yeah, that's what Naseem is saying.

He needs more money. Get him on another avocado ad. But this show isn't... It's actually Hames right now. I don't know if you guys have seen the ads online. Oh, yeah, I've seen them. It's all about paint, guys. The only major Australian paint brand,

Hames. Man, because when I think manual labour and painting, I think Nazeem Hussain. We think so, guys, because normally people do. What's so good about Hames? What's so good about Hames?

From Ballarat. I'm a big fan of everybody from Ballarat. It's a family. They're Australia's first family of paint. Okay, right. If you want colour, paint. Okay, right.

If you want colour, quality. Yep. Yep. What else? I forgot the rest. But the father, he passed away. He started it. He loved paint. Oh, good promo for the paint.

Loved it. Bring up deaths in the family. Nice. So, you know, avocado and paint. Oh, yeah. You're really getting around I was in an ad for Dulux once

I got cast in it like the day after Rolf Harris their previous spokesman got arrested for were you seriously in an ad for what were you doing

he was Dulux right that was the brand that he did the ads for yeah so he got like he got arrested for all his dodgy doings and then I got cast

in this ad that all happened within a day. They're like, we've got to scrub Rolf Harris from the public conscience of fucking Dulux. We've got to get this new ad out there. We've got to make sure they forget all the kind of pedophilic stuff, and they chose this to do that.

I was going to say, get rid of a guy who's a convicted pedophile for someone who looks like he fucks kids. Old smoking mirrors, I love that. Swap convicted for accused. What was the concept of that? Were you naked? Did he have to paint you naked? He wasn't in the ad.

What? That's the whole point. Hang on. So you're thinking they go... I thought you were saying after all Paris was in trouble, they were trying to rebrand him. They chucked him in a Dulux ad. We've got to soften his image up.

Hang on. Do you think that's what happens with paint sponsorships? You have to be naked to get painted? I don't believe you're actually the face of Haynes. I think that's just someone... I'm the face and I'm the butt of Haynes. I own my body. So after Rob Harris, you're the anti-Rob Harris?

Yeah, this was like they very quickly were like, we need to get a new ad campaign out there to just cleanse the palate. So who's someone that just goes for old people? Hang on, what did you do in the ad? What's the opposite of a pedophile? It was a... Not a pedophile. A granny grabber.

Someone who loves rooting grannies. Yeah. So they watched me fuck an 80-year-old. That was the audition. And then they were like, you got what it takes. This is going to make people forget the heinous things that Rolf Harris has done.

This is going to make people buy a lot of red. Yeah. Less wobble board, more shuffle board. What did you do in the ad? It was like we were all camping or something for some reason. Which sounds, yeah, I don't know. But then now I'm thinking about it, it's like camping, the scouts. I mean, that's sort of in the same, that's very Rolf Harris and Ch the same... The fact that you can't remember the rest of the ad

is also problematic. I had a drink and I fell asleep. I woke it up, my face was painted. They made us drink the paint. There was a lot of white paint on my buck cheeks. I keep trying to bring it up in therapy and they're putting me under, but nothing's coming up. It's really firmly blocked out.

At least you got paid. Yeah. And hey, just to pull you up on something from before, this show isn't technically part of the Fringe, so you have no powers here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know about that. Really?

We didn't register that this was a Fringe. This is within the jurisdiction of the... Did you guys think this was a Fringe Festival event? No. Yes. I know we're tight. We didn't register. No, so sorry, mate. This didn't register. Sorry, mate.

This is international waters. Fuck off and go hang out with your juggler mates, you cunt. Oh, racist. Thank you. See, that's that uber solidarity over here. Sticking up for the brothers. They're looking after each other, you know?

Biryani and beer. What? Biryani. Biryani. Okay, fine. What's biryani? What's biryani? Nah.

It's delicious. One person in Adelaide knows what biryani is. What a heckle. Also, when is that TV show that I rocked up to your house to have all that food two years ago? I need some stage time. It's because Kylie Kwong is on it and so am I. There's just too many ethnics for Channel 7 at the same time.

Right. Interesting. How's your wife going? How's marriage? How's marriage going? How's the second marriage going? Second marriage is good. Hang on, hang on, hang on.

We haven't checked. Is it still on the second one? You're still on the second one? Still on the second. Second child on the way. Yeah. on. We haven't checked. Is it still on the second one? You're still on the second one? Still on the second. Second child on the way. Yeah, does anyone know that? I just don't go around telling everybody. This is seriously depressing.

You haven't put out publicly that you've been married again, have you? Yeah, I have. I've talked about it in interviews and podcasts. I'm not being Cody. I don't just go out there minute to minute. Are you jealous? No, no, no, no, no. I'm not being Cody. I don't just go out there and minute to minute just post a photo. Are you jealous? No, no, no, no, no.

You know what? You've got the breaking news on your podcast in Tommy's house. Yeah. And you've been Muslim married. We thought it would get on the Daily Mail and no one fucking listens to us. I'm Muslim married to another woman. No one cares. That's just normal.

So what about your kid? You're about to have a second kid. Is that out there? Have we got the exclusive on that? No, no. I think it's out there. I spoke to, what's her face? Jess Rowe the other day.

Who? Jessica Rowe. She spoke to Pauline Hanson, then she spoke to me. It's kind of like Tommy Dasolo after Raul Perez. Right, right, right. It's out there. You can't hide a kid.

Right. No, I don't want to hide a child. Right. I mean, I'm not Tommy Dassilo. No, no. If you could hide a kid, Rolf wouldn't be

in this position. So your kid, your second kid, this is the worrying thing very selfishly of us. Your kid's due just before our 500th slash 600th episode.

Yes, due on the 27th of March. And we, so we want you on the show, but... Do you want me to tell my wife to just hold it in or something? If you could. Yeah.

Get it out earlier. She's a big listener of the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, maybe we could, could you move the venue to the hospital? Maybe we could do it. Oh, that's not bad. Or we could make a crèche backstage at the Ath, and I could bring my kid, and you could bring your new kid,

and they could hang out. Just do a live birth on stage. That'd be sick. Yeah. Nah. I thought there's no bad ideas, guys. I'm just up here spitballing. Oh, I've still got $18 left, cunt.

Remember that. I will fucking scissor this town. Just saying to the tech at the ath. All right, we need five stools and some stirrups just on the end there would be great Well I thought I could con you into it Because from what I know of you Is you're very easily convinced

I've seen so many people Ask stuff of you and you just can't say no to anyone Well some guy two days ago I was on a beam On a scooter He stops me and he's like oh Nazeem I tried to come to your show tonight, but I came an hour late and I missed the show.

And I don't know why, I felt guilty, but I basically... Just did the show in front of him? He's like, brother, I've got the beam still on, this cost me nine bucks. But I took him to the venue and I got him a, like I basically got him on the list for the next night and afterwards I was like,

it's his fucking fault. Like I didn't, I didn't. So, another guy booked two tickets to my show one night and then the next night

came again thinking it was going to be a different show. What? I don't know why. Same title, same me. What does he think?

I'm just like Will Anderson. I can't just come up with stuff like that. Anyway. Hang on, do you think Will comes up with a different show every night? Yeah,

he does a super fire show. Okay, oh yeah. He's a true comedian. He then sends me an angry message like, Nazeem, I came to your show two nights in a row, and it was the same jokes. What the hell? I'm really disappointed, man.

I spent all this money. What the fuck? I felt bad, because he felt bad, even though I knew he was wrong. But because he felt bad as a result of something that I'd done, I said, well, I'll give you a refund. And I didn't know how to do the refund, so I just asked him for his BSB and account number.

I had to transfer the money. No, no. Why are you even talking to this fucking moron? Because sometimes it's easier to just do the thing. This is, like, your manager listens to this. She'll be having a fucking fit hearing that. Yeah, yeah. But if she was a better manager,

she would have done some of the damage. If she was a better manager, she'd be making me write a new show every fucking night of the run. If she was a better manager, she'd be getting a less brain-damaged act. But what I've done, I mean, this is just for any comedians,

people that want to make it in the industry, you've got to think about your audience. I'm looking after him. Next year, he'll be back. Complaining twice. He'll be back twice. your audience. Like, I'm looking after him. Next year, he'll be back. Complaining twice. He'll be back twice. Complaining. Same shit.

Heard it. Fuck, just cow punch him to get him out. This is why I'm going back to Uber. Audiences are fucking nightmare.

The other thing is, I'm actually... That's actually funny because you're selling our shows, but like, they're all getting their money back.

I've got money to spend. I've got Haynes cash to spend on the audience. That's true, yeah. I'm an ambassador for Haynes, avocados, and also share the dignity. I don't know if you guys have heard of share the dignity? I don't think anything we've ever done on this podcast has got anything to do with dignity.

Yeah, yeah. A couple of respectable looking women here know of share the dignity. I got a message on Instagram. Someone said, Hey Nazeem, you are an influential male role model. Never been called that before. Male. Is that in the show?

I want a refund. He's doing last night's gear. Wrap it up, son. What would be great is if that guy didn't even go to the show once let alone twice and he's just messaged you his fucking bank. I reckon everyone needs to get out their phone right now DM Nazeem

send Nazeem your bank details and you will get money out of him get in he's paying out guys get in the DMs we are such huge fans of yours

we want to reach out see if you'd help us end the shame and stigma around periods you're having an influential male role model

expressing support for the cause is so helpful in ending the shame around periods they're having an influential male role model expressing support for the cause is so helpful in ending the shame around periods da da da da they're having a bloody big survey can you get them by the end of the day bloody big survey anyway because I'd seen

their message I freaked out and said of course I'd love to get involved because you traditionally you love telling women what to do with their bodies so this aligns with your core values. I really don't know. I mean, at the moment, you're not even letting

your wife have one. Prove me wrong. I threw myself in front of the pedophile bus earlier so that I would have the licence to do stuff like this later in the show. If you threw yourself in front of a pedophile bus, that's actually a heroic act.

It'd be a very small bus, though. The kids can't drive. No, you're right. I should have ended before. Anyway, so tell me to wear it on Tuesday. We have a problem. I've been an ambassador for a year. What's the name of it again? Share the Dignity.

So you're speaking on behalf of periods. What do you have to do? You have to go out and speak, ladies, it's fine. To be honest, I don't remember, they sent me the t-shirt and they said, can you wear it and talk about... What colour was the t-shirt? It was white with a big blood drop.

Yeah, nice. You walk around and look like you've just been shot. What is this initiative? This is bizarre. What's the point of spreading awareness of periods? You're a couple of fans, aren't you? Just pointing at two random women. You guys are fans of periods, aren't you? Yeah, come on. You look like you bleed. You're one couple of fans, aren't you? Just pointing at two random women. You guys are fans of periods, aren't you?

Yeah, come on. Come on, you look like you bleed. You're one of them, yeah. Well, like, once a month, you're obsessed. Fucking hell. So, jokes aside, I don't know if you want to... You're a period stan. You might want to edit this part out of the podcast

because it's not funny, but did you know that there are... We'd have to edit out a lot of this podcast. There are a lot of people that have periods. Right. No, I'm learning. And there's no shame in having a period. So, you're out there having a period, keep having it.

You're just standing out the front of the women's toilets, just high-fiving. You go, girl. I'm with Nazeem up it, not monthly, weekly, I reckon. They're beautiful things. Oh, Nazeem, you've changed my mind, mate.

Before this, I hated periods. I thought they were just the stupidest thing ever. How could you have one? There's a lot of periodphobes out there. Yeah, well thank God you heard Ambassador and now I love them. I thought they were a conspiracy theory but you're saying they're real. No, no they haven't. Not just women, some people get them. Not just women did you say?

From the vagina, mostly. Yeah. Okay, right. You sound like you know about as much of this as you do Hames paint. They don't pay. They don't pay. Anyway, that's all I know, but I'm an ambassador, so if anybody wants to get on board and have a chat about it backstage,

I'll do it. Man, you seem like a world full of knowledge as well. If anyone's been thinking about having their first period, hit him up for advice. Honestly, there's no shame in giving it a go. Everyone should have a go. I think it's about having

access to pads and stuff, so that's the secret. That's good. Getting it on the government's agenda so that people don't have to pay for it. It should just be... Nazeem will pay for yours. There you go. If you hit up DM Nazeem, he'll pay for your tampons, okay?

I'll pay for your pads. And if one of them doesn't work, you'll pay for another one, right? Up to two. Up to two. And they're all different tampons. Never be repeated. They're all... Yeah.

But whatever pad you bought before it's equal or lesser value so don't come oh I normally buy Libra no you don't home brand what you normally buy most men aren't brave enough

to say this but I think having a period every month very girl boss it's the kind of bold stance I'm prepared to take as an ally I think we're ending

the stigma around periods yeah man all it took was four white dudes. Sorry, three. I don't see colour, Nazeem. I don't see colour. I'm pretty cool. Wow.

Okay, the listeners are white. You're pretty much white. The listeners don't know. Congratulations, you're finally one of us. Yeah. You're an honorary whitey for today, Nazeem. Yeah. People that are listening don't know I've actually painted myself with Hames paint.

Right, right. That's a loving tribute. We're renaming you Nazeem Brian. That was a bloody good show, wasn't it? There we go. Oh, man, it's better than me. I got asked to be an ambassador for an agricultural shop in Bendigo. And he said, hey, Nick, can you send a self-tape to see if we can get you an ad on local Bendigo TV?

And I sent him a self-tape. Haven't heard back. You still have to have a what? A self-tape to go, hey, I love tractors and I love this shop. And then didn't hear back. And he said he was such a big fan. He's like, fuck, this guy sucks. and then didn't hear back.

And he said he was such a big fan, he's like, fuck, this guy sucks. Actually, update, while we're talking to the standby guests there, is our real guests, have they turned up? Is there someone? No, no, they haven't turned up yet? No, they could be backstage.

For all we know, there's a guy at the back shaking his head. We've had radio silence for like three days and then right as we walked on stage, I got a call saying, I'm coming, I'm coming. To the show? Well. It's coming, a period's coming.

You're not supposed to finish in ten minutes. The show's supposed to finish in ten minutes. Fuck, you're right. We're all having fun. Yeah, we're having fun. This has gone well. You know, girls can turn up whenever they want, you know. I can turn up.

And you can have your period whenever you like. Yeah, yeah. And just like Fiona, you can be late too. So, yeah. I mean, whoever it could be. This happened to us last year with Ross. I know, didn't it? A town full of comedians that cannot be fucked

coming on the podcast. It's Saturday afternoon. Is this your first show since Thailand? First live one, yeah. I've been to Thailand. Should I tell you something about Thailand?

Oh yeah, I'll tell you this. Do you want to try calling her? Oh yeah, okay. Someone really doesn't want to try calling her? Oh yeah, okay. Someone really doesn't want to hear about timeline. Hey guys, I've got the slideshow ready to go or you can watch me make a phone call. The phone call will be good, thanks. So how is your relationship going, Tommy?

Getting my makeup on in the car. I'm across the road. Across the road? You're putting your makeup... It's a podcast, no one cares how you look. Just one coat will do for the next nine minutes, I'd reckon, Fiona. Don't get the shovel out, I'd reckon. You haven't missed much, Fiona.

Just so you know, we're pro-period here. Yeah, Riman, something happened to you 20 years ago. You thought Alice Springs was a desert Do you guys want me to fill in for Carl now? Brings out the worst of me in this podcast Alright, well I can't wait for a little cameo from Kramer except with worse

language I almost had to feel it I was almost Nick Capa for Stephen Kamos last night I was on the way

to Rhineland hang on what are we talking about what I even confused myself what happened was last night I was on the way here to the leg show.

Oh, because he asked me to suck him off. And I couldn't make it. Good stuff. Anyway, sorry. He's like, I'll call. Fiona got here earlier. On the way here, and then I get a call going, hey, Stephen K. Amos hasn't rocked up to Chopper's show.

Quick, go to the garden. So I got on my scooter. It was like a minute. I was just about to walk into the venue and they said he's rocked up. So piss off, basically. Right. Yeah, but I'm his understudy.

Your Kappa's understudy. Kappa is Fiona's understudy. Oh, right. Right, right, right. It's a real world. When you think of Stephen Cameron. Now we just wait. We just sit here and we wait

for someone to walk up the stairs. Sort of pretty much everything we had there. Does anybody want to tell us about their favourite period that they've had? Best one you've ever had. The Renaissance. That's when Fiona... Oh, was that...? Oh, no, that was weird.

That was just them clapping us at comedy. That's what put us off then. Someone famous must have turned up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That weird sound that... Is that rain? Oh, no. Someone's clapping at comedy. That's what put us on. Someone famous must have turned up. That weird sound. Is that rain? Someone's clapping at us. What's the plan tonight?

You said we're hanging out. You keep promising. We'll hang out. Are we actually still hanging out? Man, yeah, we'll hang out. We'll hang out. What are we doing? We'll go drinking. Okay.

Nazeem, I actually bought 100 tickets to your show last night and then I couldn't make it. Can you reimburse me for them? That'd be bought 100 tickets to your show last night and then I couldn't make it. So can you reimburse me for them? That'd be great. I missed your show. Can you just tell me word for word, please? Is it just another one of these shows

that you see all around the festival? What it's like is like a 30-year-old white man. I wear a flannelette shirt. Yeah. Dave Hussain. Dave Hussain. Chuck Taylors. That's a new character. I'm like the new Zoe Coombs mom.

Just me in white face with a beard. Yeah. You should do it. You're always welcome to debut it here if you want. You're always welcome to debut it on this pod if you want. Come out and do it at the 500th and then you'll get the call that your wife's gone into labour and you'll have to turn up to the hospital and just white it up.

Well, they say you're supposed to go to the hospital as late into the labour as you can. So if she starts labour... Labouring. Labouring. We've got about a good few hours so we can... Crank out a couple of pods and then cruise into the... Are you excited when you get into the surgery or whatever,

going to the doctor? The surgery or whatever. I'm actually a brand ambassador for this, so I know what's going on. That's blood. Thanks, ladies. I'm a real hero. Childbirth's a bit different to periods.

Please walk me through the delicacies of both. Periods come when a baby's not coming. It'd be annoying if you rocked up and Stephen K. Amos was there. He wouldn't know what to do with that. There's something I have to tell you, Nazeem. Doors, doors, doors!

I didn't know you could get a kid that way. So we're waiting for someone who's in a car across the street from the venue Why doesn't someone actually just go across the street and just look for Fiona in her car? Is she literally, what street is she on? That's not a bad idea How far does this mic travel? Yeah Oh yeah

Go Go Can you still hear me now? Can you still hear me now? Finally, street talk but with a host who's more of a fuckhead. Also, by the way, Fiona's not coming. Carl went to go look for her. What?

So if she's more than 20 metres away, we're fucked. Yeah, Nick Carr, send the biggest bloke to run across five metres. We'll see him in half an hour. It's a good idea to send him downstairs, not so much upstairs. She knows this is in Adelaide, right? Like, we're not in... Oh, yeah. Is she here?

No? She's walking in. Oh! Oh Oh my days Just in time for the last Five minutes of the gig Yeah there's still a few Obstacles on the way There's a hand sanitiser bottle

There's a bar There's an entire bar Fiona as you walk to the stage Formulate a story We need something Yeah she's She's Yay walk to the stage, formulate a story. We need something. Yeah, she's... Yay! What an entrance.

Oh, God. Come on, guys, give it up. Give it up. The Queen of Adelaide. Just like the Queen of England, we all thought she was dead. Oh, no, she's... Don't go to the fire exit. Go in there. Kappa, can you escort her

onto the stage for us? It's the men's. Sorry. What's going on? This is a blind leading the blind. Okay, just through here. Through here. Through here. Through here. Imagine. There we go, there we go

please welcome Fiona O'Loughlin no we don't have time see you later idiots, I'm out of here thanks Kappa alright Fiona, yes you're in my city now. Hello, everybody.

Yeah, but are you in your city? Yes, I am. Your make-up looks great. Thank you. I've got to do a show at 5.30, you see. Oh, you're looking beautiful. At Prospect. Fucking Prospect.

It's too far for Prospect to come to the city. So we're taking the friends to Prospect. What's Prospect. It's too far for Prospect to come to the city. So we're taking the fringe to Prospect. What's Prospect? Well, it took me half an hour to get there, but I'm not normal. It's five fucking minutes. North Adelaide. Sit down. Don't snap at me.

Take a seat. Shut the hell up. Were you at Prospect then or are you going there later? No, I've got a show at Prospect. Okay, so where were you for the last hour? On roof. Were you really doing your make-up in the car? Yeah.

I'm doing everything in the car. It's very complicated being me. And I can't be rushed. No, we try. We know. We know. We've been treading water up here for 45 minutes. We had Kappa talking to us.

Fucking hell. Oh, where is he? He's gone. He's gone to do a gig in Prospect. Has he? Heard there was a gig going. The person booked for it was going to take about five hours to get to. So he's got to nab that one.

It's just that everyone in my life, now, when they say three or four, it just means aim for that. Right. It's our fault. So we should have said the show starts at two o'clock. Is that...? On Friday. It's our fault. So we should have said the show starts at 2 o'clock. Is that...? On Friday.

It's a suggestion. You should have checked in with my neurodiversity. I've embraced it, my ADD. I live around it. I spent my whole life, until two years ago, just thinking I'm at base level, like trying to be nice, but basically I'm a fucking selfish cunt.

That's what I thought. Because I knew so little. Well, you're an idiot. Just shut up and fucking shut up. You know, like I hated me. And so the reality is something else? The reality is... Carl, pay attention. You might have the same disease.

I think... Exactly. Hey, I'll cop that. I don't appreciate the applause. All right? Thank you, guys. We've got a show called Brewdudes. I'll see you soon.

No, it's... What is it? You could be ADD, for sure. Oh, it starts with A. and then the next letter is U so a third a third of my day is spent retracing it's a whole third of the day

I have to go back to get you know something or it's a like people are so frustrated being around me

I'm like why don't you fucking try being me? It's really annoying being me. Well, we weren't around you for 45 minutes just now and we found that way more frustrating, to be honest. This is great. Could have done with this half an hour ago, honestly. I love your...

No, I couldn't have dealt with this without the lipstick. Fair enough, take your time. I know, because now I've upped it. I know I'm obsessed fair enough, take your time. I know because now I've upped it. I know I'm obsessed with coordinating, which isn't useful for a podcast. But I'm allowed three colours, but two tones of the one colour. Honey tree, it's just blue, white, different tones. Anyway, so that takes a day.

Here's the thing that I've got. I've also got a bit of... I was having my frontal lobe checked, right, as you do after 15 years of blackout drinking. I was minding my own business, having my frontal lobe checked. That's when this psychiatrist came across the ADD, which is significant, but also now I've got a bit of dementia from...

It's called dementia, it's not like old lady... Well, it doesn't matter but I get into when I get into taxis or any service thing I say right off the bat I say I have mild dementia and then all of a sudden you're like their grandmother

and you're treated like a bucket fed calf as opposed to those Uber drivers usually who are like you fucking drive the car you lazy cunt what are you doing sitting in the back I'm a Punjabi grandmother and they love me

they almost take me home and tuck me in yeah I used to offer that service. Didn't you used to sell her five dollar cans as well? Six bucks. She's been on I'm a Celebrity. What I love about dementia is that it's great

because I get, I'm in charge of the dial aren't I Like who's going to know So you sometimes go full dementia Just when it suits you And are you doing it now What's the dial on in this pod Yeah

No I'm not Have you just been sitting at the front for 55 minutes Just pissing yourself off I'm going to walk in here been sitting at the front for 55 minutes just pissing yourself off? I'm going to walk in here and tell them I had dementia. Fiona's like, why are all these people in my car? You're all facing the wrong way. That's Bennett. That happened, actually.

When I first got diagnosed, they put me on dex, and I was like... Everything was better immediately, of course. And within half an hour. But I presumed, oh, dear, this is illicit to me, you know, so I can't have it. Oh, of course, right. So I was quite heartbroken.

It wasn't really half an hour. I had a day, but then I started treating the decks like an addict would, like hoarding it and being a fuckwit with it. Well, I'd already doubled it as soon as I left the hospital. Right, right. What addicts do, you know. And anyway, the only fuck-up I've had hospital. What addicts do. Anyway,

the only fuck-up I've had since I gave up drinking on the 17th of December 2019, that was my last relapse on booze. I still chuff, but that's my business. And it should be

legal. Fucking idiot. But, every now and then my mind just falls out of my arse. It's Tommy. Rolf, pleased to meet you. What was I talking about? I just want to finish this up. You start December the 19th, 2019. You still chuff from time to time.

That's when you said they're facing the wrong way. So it's the only fuck-up I've had, which was, you know, and I love how I pick my fuck-ups. That idiot that booked me into the Festival Theatre in Adelaide to trial a show. And why wouldn't you trial a show? You'd usually do a trial in a small venue, not a huge theatre.

Yeah. And we got there and I had no set list. I can never go without a set list again. And, you know, they had the notes on the stage so you know where you're going. Anyway, there's no set list. And we're an hour off show time. And you were still two hours away.

No, across the road. It was horrific. And John Maloney, not John Maloney, John Pinder had come over to do the show with me. Poor John Pinder. Yeah, on stage at the Adelaide Festival Theatre I can't okay dial it back a bit

keep going I dial it back a bit yeah yeah well I just when everything went pear shaped backstage I've got no set list

why couldn't you write the set list pardon why couldn't you write the set list oh yeah that's a good question oh fuck

no I had a song to sing I had a song to sing, I had questions to ask, it was all, it was a directed show, I couldn't just, no, my brain definitely had left the party by then. Okay. Anyway, so I thought, what will I do? And I went, I'll just take more decks, I think.

So by the time I went on stage, I think I had locked jaw. So by the time I went on stage, I think I had locked jaw. And... And at the festival dinner, I came... My opening was to sing a song. John thought I was mucking around. I came out and went to the wrong... I sang to the back of the stage. Oh, my God.

And you also sang without your mouth open. G'day, Adelaide. You're looking all red and velvety tonight. I love it. Beautiful stuff. Like a ventriloquist. Memories. You're back there staring at me like,

how unprofessional, they haven't pulled up the curtains yet. I'm on, you fucking idiots. I'll just do the show and then they'll work it out. A lot of people backstage as well. I've had to do a show. There's a thousand people in my rider backstage. Oh, God.

Look, I kind of missed the fuck up in a way. You know, it didn't end in me in an ambulance. Close. Oh, I went in an ambulance recently. Oh, okay. Yeah, just for my stomach ulcer. I had a lovely time.

It used to be my preferred mode of transport. Me and Tommy once loaded you into an ambulance. Did you? Yeah. That's funny that you don't remember it. That implies you've done this quite a bit. It's free here in Adelaide, though, so it's a pity. Melbourne, South and Barcrow.

Is that how you got here? Hey? Is that just on Speed Doll? You got to the rhino rooms and all? Uber ambulance. I've got dementia. Bring me to comedy. I've got a terrible Uber rating,

but I've got five stars on the ambulance app. A mile? Oh, did you hear I got five stars in the advertiser? No, I didn't. Congratulations. I did. Thank you. The advertiser in Curtains Weekly.

They loved you. They were like, it was amazing. This time she managed to open her mouth. Five stars. Great ask. That's all we saw. Anyway. face the audience yeah anyway well I think we gotta

that's up to you Tommy you've got a show to fucking do I've got a show what time does your show it's in five minutes or seven minutes here?

downstairs like downstairs have you sold it out? yeah didn't you hear the intro man? I didn't I'm sorry He was out doing her makeup

Oh right Right Right Right Right Right Right Right

Right Right Right Right Right Right Right Right

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Right Right Alright Alright Please give a big round of applause Fiona O'Loughlin Yay Nazeem Hussain What? Oh, Blakey's... All right, well, let's wrap it up. Okay, all right. Yeah. All right. Please give a big round of applause. Fiona O'Loughlin. Yay!

Nazeem Hussain. Brett Blake. Woo! Adelaide, thank you so much for coming out. Adelaide! You've been an awesome crowd. Adelaide! Thank you so much for having us. Woo!

And we'll see you next time. See you, mate! And they've done it again. Oh, yes mate. And they've done it again. Oh, yes. Finally, we've done it again. Return to form, I think, live show. That's the sort of shit you're going to get if you get tickets to Melbourne, the 500 and 600th episode, all those ones on April 9, 16, 23 in the afternoon.

Those things always sell out. So get your tickets. It's going to be an absolute ball. Some of the best shows of the year, those ones. And of course, like we said at the top of the show, if you didn't hear it, if you skipped through it, no, not April. At Perth, we have a new date, 16th of July. Yep.

3 p.m. in the afternoon. Your tickets are still the same. There is like a better dozen tickets left if you want to grab one of them. If you're one of those people going, this show is not going to happen, you are right. But guess what? This one is going to happen. We would have been getting on a plane, I guess, tomorrow or the next day. Something like that.

Pretty soon. Yeah. But yeah, we, as we mentioned last week, all the associated border stuff makes that too difficult for that to happen, even though technically the border is open. And capacities are down. So we wouldn't have been able to have a full crowd. We would have kicked some of you people out, which would have been not a cool thing to do after all this time. Hey, I just did it over the weekend, as we heard about in the episode.

Yeah. And it's a fucking pain in the ass to deal with. Yeah. And also, it's a pain in the ass to go, fly all the way over, waiting for two years to do a gig, and then not make as much money as we should have. Yep. Fly all the way over waiting for two years to do a gig and then not make as much money as we should have. Yep, given that we're already, as we talked about previously, significantly in the hole for having gone and tried to do this once. I literally just got off the phone from the event booker for the Rosemount Hotel over in Perth. And I did say something like that to her.

And she's like, that's right. You flew all the way over and then didn't even do your fucking show. I'm like, that's right. I know you forgot way over and then didn't even do your fucking show. I'm like, that's right. I know you forgot, but we didn't. See it into our memories. But yeah, all that stuff's coming up. littledumbdumbclub.com And if that episode you just listened to wasn't a good ad for it,

then there's not much we can say to you. That was ripping fun. That was heaps of classic us, I would say, at the very least. Everything going on. For better or worse. Yep, exactly. That's, yeah,

I mean, sometimes we do an episode where people go, oh, this is a good introductory episode of this show for a friend to get into.

I don't know if that's a good introductory one, but it's certainly a distilled version of us. Yes. I think that show. Yeah. Yeah,

I hope you guys enjoyed it. I hope it came across. And of course, thank you very much to everyone in Adelaide for not only coming along but for really getting into it. We did a sneaky thing up the top.

Not sneaky, just common sense thing where we walked out to start with to sort of say to everyone, can you please get into it today? And we walked out and they thought it was the start of the show and just went,

and we're like, oh, we didn't need to do this. So we didn't need to. Yeah. So thank you very much for that. Once again, even doing the common sense thing sort of flies in the face of common sense. Yeah. So, but you guys were great, Adelaide.

Thank you very much. And I think we treated you right by not hanging shit on Adelaide at any point in there. Yeah. Yeah. Just being really nice about it. We were very well behaved. Yeah. And like I said, yeah, coming back to do the solo again,

my show Turtle Island, March the 16th, 6.15pm at the Rhino Room. So, yeah, get in if you missed out. If you're one of the people that I had to kick out of my show because of overselling it over the weekend, then, yeah, get in. Love to see you there. But, yeah, in the meantime, we've got Melbourne coming up. We've got the 500th and 600th coming up. LittleDumbDumbClub.com is where you can find all of your tickets right now.

Get in. All of the various goings-on that we have. Get in. We've got our, you know, we're certainly sorting out all of our guests for those four or five shows, whatever the fuck they are at the moment. Yep. Let's just say we have got a pretty stellar lineup locked in already. Yeah.

Anyone coming to any of these shows will not be disappointed at the guests, unless you're one of those people that go, oh, that one I don't care for. That one's fucking no good or whatever. Why wasn't Carl Barron on? Yeah. You'll always find a little grievance here or there, but we are very, very happy with who we've got locked in at the moment. The 500, 600 looks stellar. A couple of the 9th, 16th and 23rd of April shows look very stellar as well.

Yeah, man, it's going to be a real renaissance for live podcasting in Melbourne this April. You guys haven't seen the like of this for a long time um really excited about so get along get those tickets sell those shows out um and let's uh yeah let's man there's a there's a lot we're going to be doing back to back to me i know hectic hectic schedule it's going to be. So yeah, little dumdumclub.com for them. Now look, we've done a big day of potting already. We've done an ep, we've done a bonus. We had a gas bag for about an hour with our two guests that are going to be on next week's show.

It's late in the afternoon. I haven't eaten today. I've got to edit the thing that people just heard because a certain little Lord Fauntleroy went off and wants some bits of what he said edited out. Oh, yes. So I've got to deal with that. A certain king of the, let's just call him Aaron Avocado.

Yes. Who knows who it could be. Yep. Yep. So, yeah. Also, someone else said a few things where I'm like, I did mean to say to you, how are you going to handle a couple of words that were said later on in the show?

Yeah, well, that's what I've got to get. That's why I bring all that up to say, let's not fuck around here. Let's have one of these ones where we just bang it out and then get out of here because I'm fucking starving and I've got a big task ahead of me. Yep. Okay, sure.

You can get on the Patreon for the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Patreon.com slash Little Dumb Dumb Club, where you can support the show, help keep the lights on in here, get two bonus episodes every week delivered fresh to your door with special guests. We just did a ripping one right then for next week or whenever it comes out. So, yeah, they're running pretty red hot at the moment. Yeah, they're some great ones. Definitely worth a listen, especially if you like this and you think, man, I can't, I hate it how I have to wait another week.

Well, guess what? You don't have to do that. You only have to wait a couple of days. We put them out every Monday and Friday, these bonus episodes. And if you're one of these people that still haven't delved into this world, you can, of course, as soon as you line up, you can just listen to 200 of them right now. Yeah, you get the whole back catalogue. Except for a bunch we didn't put on back in the day.

No. Some stage maybe they'll come out. Thank you very much for everyone who currently subscribes. Thank you to the future subscriptors. Subscriptors. Subscribers. Subscribers. Oh, there's a word for it that already exists.

That's Andy. Subscriptors kind of does make a bit more sense. Yeah. Subscription. Yes. And let us know if this ad read is the, you know, you've been listening to these fucking reads forever, but this one finally put you over the edge. This is the one.

This is the one that did it. Let us know if, so that we can clone this ad read and do it this way from now on. Transcribe it and then recite it word for word every week. That'd be fun. All right. Like you said, Tommy, you've got a lot of work to do. You've got some food to put in your tummy. What do you reckon you're going to have?

Yeah, I was just thinking that. I'll probably just cook some noodles that are in the pantry. I was looking forward to going down and having some of this cheap Thai I always have on the day of recording near your house. You pay a bit of cash, you get it a bit cheaper and you get it served up from the bloke in the gaming chair in between Tetris games.

Yep. And I reckon it's not going to be open now. We've gas bagged for possibly an hour after the latest episode. Yeah, so it's 3.30 now. And yeah, I... We started at 12. We started at 12. And we got one episode to, so it's 3.30 now. And yeah, I... We started at 12. We started at 12.

And we got one episode to show for it. Yeah. And one 15-minute bonus. Yeah. And yeah, haven't eaten. So just thinking by the time we finish, it's just going to be whatever I can get my hands on quickest. I'm not walking anywhere. I would have gone to get something otherwise, but no.

It's what can I cook quickly? And yeah, so it'll be instant noodles. Such a shame. With a bit of brisket that I cooked last night put on top. Such a shame when you get that hungry that you can't even, it's like, oh, I'm so hungry. I can't wait to eat something really good. No, no, no.

There's no time for that. It just has to be anything. I'm just eating nuggets I found on the car floor. Yeah, or I walk somewhere and it's closed or they're not doing food anymore. Yeah. Anyway, let's get down to it. We've got to thank some people who currently support the show.

You're so hungry, we better not do as many as we usually do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll try and keep it tight. Like the five major food groups. Okay, yeah. We'll just do it after that. All right. As a tribute to something that you may eat later.

I dare say one of the food groups will be in there. Let's try and relate each of these back to one of the major food groups. Okay. If these names were something on the food pyramid, what would they be? Okay. Thank you very much to first cab or rideshare name potential, if you want to advertise. First, your name here off the rank.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber, Damon Clark. Damon Clark. Yeah. The cool version of Damien. Yeah. Don't you think? No. Oh, really?

The not cool version of Damien. I think Damien's not cool. And I think Damon is... I think they're both uncool. It's too hard to really judge. Right. Two uncool peas in a pod. Yeah.

I think Damon's definitely at least trying to be a bit cooler. Uncool peas in a pod. There you go. Vegetables. Oh, well, there we go. They're the... Out of the food pyramid, you know those dorky peas in pods? Yep.

That's what Damon Clark is. That's what they are on there. Yeah. That's what they... Peas with little glasses on. Ah, getting their little pea heads flushed down the toilet. Little pea wedgies. Yeah.

Being in the library at lunchtime at school. Yep. Instead of being out playing sport. Yeah. That was actually funny. The other day, my mum, i was talking to my my mum about my my little child yep little blanket and uh her she's at kindergarten now and her two friends got moved away to a different kindergarten so she's a little she's a bit lonely at the moment and it's

a bit like different kindergarten yeah yeah devastating yeah yeah so she's still sort of asking for them and it's like, yeah, I don't know. I think they're on holiday. Yeah. And at that age, there's no, you're not quite at the point yet of like making contact with the parents and being like, hey, let's organize a little play group here. Well, yeah, look, maybe. You could, you just can't be fine.

Well, no, it's more like it's, it's my wife has done it once. And then it's like, you know, I don't, I've certainly said it to her, but you know, she's got shit to do as well and I guess there's that thinking of like,

okay, well, you can't coddle them forever. It's like, I'm sure you'll make other friends and she seems to be vehemently against that idea. Yeah.

So she's, so I, when I go and pick her up from kinder, it'd be like, like the other day, she was like, oh,

it was great. She was just playing with, would be like the other day. She was like, oh, it was great. She was just playing with Susan all day. And I was going, oh, awesome. She's made this great friend, Susan. Now, Susan's one of the teachers. Oh, right, right, right. So then she's... Imagine a teacher at kindergarten saying to you, your child is my best friend. Can we hang out on the weekend?

Yeah. I want to organize a play date. Oh've got a kid no with me yeah yeah yeah your kid's cool yeah yeah she taught me a lot she taught me that it was okay to be weird yeah but i was saying that to my mom and i was like oh it's a bit of a shame at the moment we're trying to you know blah blah and it's it's sort of lingered on i thought it'd be be gone a bit quicker than this I thought it'd be like okay she's made a new friend here she's you know such and such

every day she's still coming home and going oh yeah such and such wasn't at school today I'm like yeah yeah that's life yeah

sorry about that yeah well maybe they're sick maybe they're coming back tomorrow who knows I'll say that to my mum and my mum was like

oh well you were like that at school you just stayed at the library all day and didn't you know didn't and I was like hang on a minute I had mum was like oh well you were like that at school you just stayed at the library all day and didn't you know and I was like hang on a minute I had fucking friends at school what are you talking about

she's trying to fucking shame me I'm like you were in the library I'm like I had look I might have been in the library but I had mates alright a mother always knows I wasn't in there because I had no mates I was in there because I liked reading

okay you can read and have friends. That's funny that that word of that is like making it to your mum. Like the teachers are calling your mum and being like, I think he's got no mates. He's in the library all the time. Take it from us. I think it was more, well, I would love that if that's an idea.

Yeah. That teachers at a Maryborough school are going, parents better know about this. Hey, your kid's got no mates. This is a call we have to make to kids that have no mates. There's your kid Nigel going. Yeah, yeah. Don't be buying any T-shirts that say winner for this kid,

just anything that he needs to grow into. Well, did you have, because to go back to the thing of being separated from your friends at a young age, did you have the thing at your primary school, we had this where you would have to to at the end of the year you'd write down like who you want to be in a class with next year and so i had like two best friends a group of three of us and we'd i think we were in a class together once and then we did that like we put down like you know yeah we want to be in a class together yeah and then class lists come out and we're all

been separate three classes and we're each in a separate one because they'd learned. These three just get, it was like a trap. And we walked right into it. Exactly the same. And I remember it being the same thing of like seeing the class list for next year and just being like, my life's over.

I'm in the class with all the fuckheads. I may as well just kill myself over the summer break. What's the point? I'm going to have the worst year of my life. Yeah, totally. It's exactly the summer break. Yeah. What's the point? I'm going to have the worst year of my life. Yeah, totally. It's exactly the same trick. You know, our, you know, grade four brains completely fell for it. Yeah.

I remember, you know, the few times where it would pay off and you'd be in a class with a mate like that, that you wanted to be. I remember being separated from them within the week. Right, yeah. Like, you know, you get, oh, okay, we're going to sit together all year. No, you're not. By Thursday, you're sitting with the fucking smelly kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, okay, sweet, nice. I remember a kid in our class who was, him and another friend of ours, there were two kids who just at a young age, I'm talking like year, probably like year five or so, kids that just started getting into crimes. Just, you know, those kids that were just a bit like, I guess probably very common in Maryborough, but like the kids that would just be like starting, setting fires and shit like that.

The kids that were just like pretty early on, like the first kids to like go and like somehow procure a pack of cigarettes and like- Just in primary school? Yeah, in primary school still. We were, yeah, to be honest, in Maryborough, we were in the we were in the the better one right okay and but i'm by better one just a not not completely shit one well we had these two kids that like they they brought it out in each other like they were real like yeah like both from households where

their parents were just like fucking go do whatever and then they were like really on the cusp of becoming like fully out of control yeah and then being separated and just watching one of them go to the teacher and just beg just like pleading going like please don't separate us we'll be good and the teacher just being like how fucking dumb do you think i am like they were just, they were just, yeah, they were fucking ratbags. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I... So Blanket's got no new friends on the horizon? Well, it's hard to tell. Like, she's certainly not looking forward to going to school. Okay.

So that's... So it's kindergarten and then, what, she's prep next year? No. Or another year of... I don't know how it works. Another year, I think. I think another year. Yeah, it does seem like.

Do you do two years of kindergarten? I didn't think so. I always thought you did one. Yeah. But I think it's all become a bit like. Yeah. Daycare is really. Because I always thought daycare was like a separate thing to kindergarten.

Well, it was called daycare last year and now all of a sudden it seems like it's the same thing, but it's now been called kindergarten. Right. But I think those other parents took their kids out and went to a standalone kindergarten because there are a lot of schools where and we were like oh we'll keep our kid they'll keep a kid at the same place because they'll know all the same kids and it's like the opposite right the other kids got taken out so the kids didn't the families didn't move or anything they're just like fuck this kindergarten yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's brutal. Yeah. I think they, well, I think they moved their kids to kindergartens that are closer to their house.

Okay. Right. Yeah. So, yeah, a bit of a pain in the ass. But anyway, it's a, I don't know. I'm tempted. I was going to say to my wife, did we just move the kid to the other kindergarten? Like, I don't know.

Well, she'd be happier if she knows these kids. But maybe those kids are- What if these kids are really popular and then all of a sudden there's a mass exodus from your kindergarten yeah and the teacher just gone fucking hell we didn't realize how good we had it with these kids yeah we should have tried to sweet talk the parents more well what if those two kids have like moved on from from little blanket and you know blanket comes up and is like oh yeah you hey remember me and we used to talk about co cocomelon when we were eating oranges. And they're like, what the fuck are you talking about? We're into pornos now. Like, oh, wow.

Okay, this is the cool kindergarten. Little kids interacting is very funny. My girlfriend showed me a photo of her nephew who's three and his two cousins who are, I think, a year older than him. So, like, these – and they're twins. So, these three kids that are around the age of three, four, having, inverted commas, a conversation. Like they're all sort of understanding each other

and they all seem to be having a good time. But it's just nothing. It's just rot. It's like, what's the part of your child brain that's just hearing that and taking it in and going, ah, yes, good point. I'm having a wonderful time with this person. I do. I vaguely remember, and my mum certainly brings it up, that, ah, yes, good point. I'm having a wonderful time with this person. I do.

I vaguely remember, and my mum certainly brings it up, that when I was super little and my brother was a year and a half younger than me, and then him just going, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and mum going, well, that's nothing, and me going, no, that's what this means, and then translating it. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah, right.

So knowing what baby talk meant. It was just like, he's done it again. Yeah. He's killing it. Yeah. Yeah, right. So knowing what baby talk meant. It's just like he's done it again. Yeah. He's killing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And me just, you know, claiming it, going, oh, he said nothing, but what about this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just claiming it for my health.

Mum, he just said the N word. Yeah. You might have to ground him. Yeah. Thanks, Damon. Yeah. But fortunately, it was the 70s in Maryborough, and Mum was like, that's cool. Yeah. He knows a word.

He's the head of the family now. His first word. That's cool. He knows a word. He's the head of the family now. His first word. That's cool. Thanks, Damon. Thanks, Damon. The cool Damien. Veggie Damon. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Isaac Williams.

Any veggie? No veggies. I'm getting a real grain vibe. Oh, grain. Yeah, real grains. A bit more bottom of the pyramid. Yeah. You're feeling.

Great. Grains are the bottom, aren't they? Aren't they? They're certainly not the top. No, isn't it? What is it?

It's played out based on how much it, God, how telling is this? No, the bottom is like, the bottom's the good shit. Yeah, that's what I mean. So grains,

like you're meant to have that all the time. Yeah, sort of. Well, maybe he said a bit above vegetables? I would have thought vegetables were the bottom. Yeah. You can't have too many vegetables.

You can have too many grains, for sure. Yeah, you can't OD on vegetables. Same with fruits, right? Wouldn't it be, like, veggie, then fruit, then grain? If only there was a way to find this stuff out. Up the top? If only there was a way. All right, I'm doing it. Yeah, go in.

To stop everyone from yelling at their iPod that they're still using. iPod Nano on the little Velcro strap around the arm. Yeah. All right. Grains are down the bottom. Bread, cereals, and potatoes are down the bottom. Fruits and vegetables are above that. So I'm recommended to be eating more potatoes than down the bottom. Fruits and vegetables are above that. So you, what?

So I'm recommended to be eating more potatoes than I am apples. That doesn't seem right, does it? Seems strange. It seems very odd that I'm better off eating mashed potatoes. Well, fiber, like you need, I guess it's like fiber is very important. Are we mansplaining to the food pyramid? Yeah. It's due a rewrite, honestly.

It's just not a fucking realistic way of how anyone lives their life. Yeah, it's like Shakespeare. No one talks like that anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Food pyramid. Exactly. No one's eating that many potatoes anymore. It just seems odd.

I mean, I'm happy. I'm happy to be eating a lot of potatoes and going hey i'm a healthy dude totally but i just don't believe in it great food yeah one of the best one of the greatest i'm actually i you know i thought it was like an interesting kind of you know topic for linking the names back but i'm hating this i'm hating sitting here talking about oh yes having not eaten today. This is, they probably did this sort of shit in Abu Graib. Starve them, but then

just stand over them and go, imagine a Big Mac right now. Yeah, your name's Big Mac. Hey, Macca, how you going? But yeah, I do think that what was it, Isaac Williams. I don't know, would you agree? It's got a very grainy kind of feel to it.

You know what, I agree just because Isaac's such an old name and it lends itself to an old food. Tending. Yeah, tending the fields. Grains is old. Yeah. Because, you know, grains are so old that, you know, no one is mentioning the word grains in a current context.

Yeah. No one's looked at a menu and gone, oh, the grains do they please. And grains, sort of similar to the start of the word grains in a current context. Yeah. No one's looked at a menu and gone, oh, I'll have the grains today, please. Yeah, and grains sort of similar to the start of the word grandpa. Do you think that's an accident? Absolutely not. Yeah. There are no accidents in life.

Everything is deliberate. But there's plenty of long bows in this food pyramid. Yes, yummy. I can't believe that potatoes is at the bottom. There's five categories on this food pyramid, at least that I'm looking at. And it's separated. In the middle one is milk. Who would have thought there was that much difference between potatoes being good for you and milk being good for you?

I just don't believe it. Yeah. Well, get ready for a flood of emails from people going, oh, my aunt's a nutritionist. Yeah. Well, get ready for a flood of emails from people going, oh, my aunt's a nutritionist. Yeah. He's a... My great, great, great, great, great, great Egyptian grandfather invented the food pyramid.

And just this is a Facebook comment and it's like, oh, yeah, and it's actually really interesting. And then the little bit of text that says, see more. I'm just going, I'm good. I'm keeping this one collapsed. Yeah. Well, it's, oh, God, I'm looking at all odd ones now. Now I'm looking at one that's got donuts at the bottom.

I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? How can donuts be at the bottom of a food pyramid? And pasta and tacos. And yeah, someone's just, someone's corrupting the food pyramid. Someone's talking out of their ass here. Someone's making their own one up. But I tell you what, all things that I would like to be eating right now. Taco, pasta, bottom.

Yeah, a pyramid. Yep. I'm so hungry, I could eat a pyramid. I could eat a pyramid. Yep. Oh. I'm so hungry. I could eat a pyramid. I could eat a pyramid. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's what you are, Isaac Williams.

You're grains. Yeah. Thanks, Isaac. You're bread. Thanks, grainy Isaac. Yeah. Thanks, Sunny Crust Williams. Mm-hmm.

Very close to Sunshine Johnson. Not really. No. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber BC Turner. What does his name mean? BC Turner. BC? Some sort of like...

Some fucking caveman cunt. Well, yeah. He's Turner before Christ. He's not Turner AD. Not AD Turner. He's BC Turner. Do you remember I brought this up to... Where was I telling this?

Apologies if it was on here. Not AD Turner. He's BC Turner. Do you remember I brought this up to... Where was I telling this? Apologies if it was on here. I said this to friend of the show, Cameron James, recently. Do you remember this big internet thing from probably 10 or 15 years ago? Stake in a BJ day. No. Do you remember that? It was like an early kind of meme thing of just like... Right.

Back when you could put stuff on the internet that was like, hey, fellas, we need a day for us. And it wasn't like, it didn't come across in any kind of like dodgy way. It was just like, yeah, this would be, this would be kind of funny. But it was just like, it was just getting a bit of momentum. It was like, you know, we get Valentine's Day. That's all about the ladies. It's all about flowers and stuff.

But we need, we need a version for the fellas. Steak and a BJ day. That's where you get your girlfriend to cook you a steak and then give you head. It's all about flowers and stuff, but we need a version for the fellas. Steak and a BJ day. Yeah. That's where you get your girlfriend to cook you a steak and then give you hair. Yeah. And it was like funny for about, like I said, probably 15 years ago. Right. Like early internet, early meme. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I was just doing a group conversation with Cam and I thought it would be, it just popped into my head for some reason. And I just thought it would be funny to turn to him and go, are you celebrating steak and a BJ day this year? reason it'd be funny to turn to him and go are you celebrating steak in a bj this year and then it turned into all of us kind of talking about it as a bit unironically and then other people kind of drifting into the conversation that's in progress midway and just being like oh these guys are animals yeah these guys are disgusting pigs talking about this in public. Yeah. Yeah, do you know, I haven't had a steak for a while. I'd quite... And, uh...

Quite... Yeah, like I said, I haven't had a steak for a while. Okay. But, um... Yeah. Anyway. That was some ep that we recorded earlier today. Also, it's BC Turner, but it's...

But I did a bit of investigating. Okay. And by that I mean just reading what his name is on another bit of the information here. Yep. Brian Cranston Turner. Bradley Christopher Turner. Bradley Christopher. That's a straight.

Because like, BC's not really a thing. What are the like known, you know, people have like. This guy, Truck Driver in America or something. Yeah. Hey, it's me, BC. BC Turner. BC Turner. BC Turner. The BC Turner Overdrive.

I don't mind it. Well, it's certainly better than Bradley Christopher. I get it. I get what you're doing. I mean, I could have been... I could have gone by TH Allsop. Yeah. No.

I'm not saying it would have been good. Yeah. I'm not saying it would have been good. Yeah. I'm not saying I wish I had it. Yes. I'm just saying it's an option that was available to me. BC Turner, I guess, is better than Bradley Turner. It's certainly better than Bradley Christopher Turner. I'm not sure why he had to get his middle name involved.

What about this? Brad C. Turner. That I like. Oh, yeah, it's okay. Yeah, it's okay. It does beg the question, who's this other Brad Turner that you have to differentiate yourself from? Right.

Yeah, what's the deal here? Because that's not like a common shortening. He just fucking hates being Bradley Christopher. Yeah. You know what I mean? He's milk, by the way. Oh, great. Yeah.

Is he? BC Turner. I think... I get a real milk vibe from this guy. Yeah. I'm thinking just like white fluid just cascading out of a big jug. Right.

Out of a big container. Yeah. Of some form. Yeah, into my mouth and just leaving it big old moustache. Well, you are hungry. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm so hungry. One guy Yeah. I'm so hungry. One guy going, I'm so hungry, I could eat the ass of a low-flying duck. And then the next guy going, I'm so hungry, I could eat the cum out of a man's penis. Whoa, this guy's starving. Get him to Sizzler.

I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse, if you know what I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck yeah. Well, thanks, BC Turner. Thanks, big BC Turner. Thanks, Milky. Thanks, Juggs.

Thanks, Milky Mama. Thanks, Milky Bar Kid. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber, Nigel Thorne. Ooh. God damn. Yeah. it's very um very english it's very english this is thorn with an e on the end oh yep yep i guessed that for some reason maybe i've just seen the name on the socials now this is giving me a real hard on yes this is also giving me a Grain vibe Really?

Yeah Nigel Nigel Thorne I'm getting more of a Meaty vibe Because I'm thinking turkey or something Some sort of Oh yeah okay

Like old school You know Feast Like an asterisk Asterix Feast I forgot that I forgot that meat was part of the pyramid.

You forgot. You're so hungry, you forgot meat existed. It's been that long since you've eaten. Yeah, I think it was like I was trying to... Yeah, I mean, that being said, as I'm looking at you, you're just morphing into a big hot dog that's sitting there. Yeah. No, there's no morphing.

I've got my pants down. Oh, right. Okay. CK style. Yes. You've gone full Bugs Bunny hungry. Yeah. Wow.

Yeah. Next level. Gee. That would be great. I'd love that. I'd love that too. See you turn into like a big chocolate cupcake or something. It would be cool if that was just like a recreational drug that you could do.

Where it's just like don't eat for, you know, don't eat for like 20 hours hungry warner brothers drug yeah and then you hallucinate your friends as looking like food anyone around you is looking like food be a lot more people just going like yeah man i'm just you know i'm doing the intermittent fasting oh you like trying to lose weight no no man i just you know just like that little high that you get is anyone is it is anyone ever get that full that they look at food and hallucinate it as their friend Gary? Yeah, right. Or they're so full that they look at their friend and imagine that they're a toilet that they want to vomit into because they've had too much food. That would be great.

If you walked into McDonald's and you saw a six-pack of nuggets and were like, Brian, wow, I am full. Lots of little ones of your friend in the little packet. What are you doing in there? Yeah. Six times. Yeah. God, I must be really full. Yeah.

I really must have eaten too much. Yeah. That's more trippy than the friend that morphs into a piece of food. Yeah. I think. Why don't the Warner Brothers ever elaborate on that idea? I've got to bring it back. Who were the Warner Brothers?

I've never looked into that. No, I've never heard of them. Who the actual fellas were. Should we look it up right now? Yeah, sure. Just briefly. Well, you're going to get a lot of... I think it's going to be hard

to find the actual information because you're just going to find a lot of information about the cartoon Animaniacs. Yeah, but surely a wiki. That's exactly what I thought you would say as well, by the way. Not a fan of them.

Fair enough. Who are they? Here we go. Harry, oh, there's a stack of them. Harry, Albert, Sam and Jack Warner. Okay. Wow, that was four of them. I always Albert, Sam and Jack Warner. Okay. Wow. That was four of them.

I always just thought, oh, classic. Two. Just like the Chemical Brothers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Same deal. Yeah. Maybe there's other chemicals. Yeah, why was there only two chemicals?

Some silent partners. They're an immigrant family with a Polish Jewish mother. Went to the United States from Poland. Yeah, in the early 20th century. All right, we're back. Talking Warners. We ran out of room on the SD card. Oh, wow.

We were talking Warner Brothers for so long. We did about, I'm just hearing from you, are you saying that the 10 hours that I just, when I just told the entire history of the Warner Brothers, some of that isn't going to air? I think we only got nine hours and like 58 minutes or so of it. Oh, okay. Well, in summation after those 10 hours,

of course, what he'll be fondly remembered for the most is inspiring the Daffy Duck silk boxer shorts that you could buy from Granny Mace. Ah, right, right. That was his department. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was in the boxer shorts division. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Even when they first created that character, they were like, you know, the cartoons is all well and good. But really where this character is going to shine is on someone's dick. Yeah, sure. I mean, he was responsible for the jazz singer and talking movies and whatever. But that little black duck on those shiny little shorts, that's what we'll remember him for. One of the most luxurious fabrics that exists. Bastardized by having a little cartoon duck on it.

Yep. And really just proving who of you out there are fucking dorks and who aren't. Yep. So that was Jack Warner. That's Jack Warner for you. Well, thanks, Jack. Yeah. Thanks for supporting us on Patreon, Jack.

What are we up to? Nigel Thorne. Nigel up to? Nigel Thorne. Nigel Thorne. Nigel Thorne. Regal hunter. Gentleman extraordinaire. Whiskey drinker for sure is my summation. That's what part of the food pyramid this guy is.

Whiskey. Whiskey? Yeah. Oh, which part's that? I don't know. It's below grains. Right. Right. Okay. Okay.

Well, look, like we said, five parts this week. You've got to go off and eat whatever's at the bottom of your shower. So we better just do one more. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber oh wow okay it's actually something it rings a bell considering we're talking about the food pyramid this is weird

okay alright here we go thank you very much to Cleopatra Burger Comedy Cleopatra Burger yeah what's the Cleopatra Burger well that'sopatra Burger? Yeah. What's the Cleopatra Burger? Well, that's obviously she lived in the food pyramid. That's part of the food pyramid. Oh, I see.

How very droll. Hey, I'm hungry too. All right, guys. Well, thank you for listening. Thank you for supporting the show on Patreon if you do so. If you don't, go fuck yourself. Patreon.com slash Little Little Dumb Dumb Club You can get on there

Get the bonus episodes LittleDumbDumbClub.com For the tickets To all the stuff We have coming up Thank you very much For listening And we'll see you next time

Bye See you mate