The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 598 - Gen Fricker & Ben Russell

Episode Date: March 16, 2022

It’s another huge episode from Tommy’s Mancave this week as we welcome back GEN FRICKER and BEN RUSSELL. It’s a loose and stupid episode as we attempt to do a long overdue follow-up to The Mystery Of The Bus Spewer, and of course we get sidetracked along the way by talking about Jack And The Beanstalk, and Ben’s recent wedding. It’s a great episode to shoot rope to!  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Jen Fricker and Ben Russell. We have a new live show announcement for you. Saturday, April the 30th. We are going to be on the Apple Isle, the map of Tasmania. Yes, deep inside Hobart. Not busting our cherry, we've been there before, but Saturday, April 30. We're coming down for a live podcast, a little bit of stand-up as well, but we are returning to, we are travelling overseas.

We are finally stamping our passport to get out of Australia and down there to your own sovereign little nation down there in Tasmania. So please. Loading up the bag with peaches and bananas and nectarines to smuggle in. Finally getting on TV and airport security. As Nick Cody says in his stand-up, it's medicine. So we're coming down there. Please get your tickets early.

Six weeks. Let us know that we're doing the right idea. And you interstate that like to travel around and explore the country with us, get your tickets nice and early. I'm sure there'll be some flight specials on right now. Yeah, we've also got the 500th and 600th episode back-to-back under the one ticket. Saturday, April the 2nd,

that is coming up very, very rapidly. Very, very, very small number of tickets left. So if you want to come, if you've been putting off buying a ticket, don't delay because it's nearly here and it's nearly sold out. And of course, straight after that in Melbourne, we have the three afternoon podcasts on Saturdays,

which is on the 9th to 16th and the 23rd of April. Always big, big, big name guests wherever we go, especially in Melbourne at that time of year, weirdly. Yes. Check all that stuff out.

LittleDumbDumbClub.com for your tickets. We'll talk to you more at the end of the episode in Talking Dumb Dumb. But until then, enjoy this new episode with Jen Fricker and Ben Russell. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow, and with me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. Oh, G'day, dickhead. We've got two very special guests today. Please welcome back onto the show, Jen Fricker and Ben Russell.

Yeah. Yes. Welcome back. Welcome back to Tommy's house. Yeah. I'm saying that to myself as well. Good to be back. Good to be back.

Thank you for joining me in the man cave. Special allowance for a woman to be in here. You have to push past the poster of Pamela Anderson. You're sitting next to the dartboard. Shave your head. Grab a Budweiser out of the fridge if you want. Help yourself to some Xbox if you get bored. You've got a Lego of Seinfeld.

That's not a joke either. Fuck! And if someone does not get it That's a test Yeah Many people have not Less people than you would think

Actually get what it is They're like what's that It's like If you press Kramer's head He says the N word Yeah It's the deluxe set With little talking bits in it

But yeah it's going pretty good What else we got in here We got the drums We got a few plants Have you been learning drums over the various lockdowns is that have we talked about this already

you're looking at me like furious I already had learned them you mastered the drums excuse me yeah exactly you've got the whole setup here you've got drums

a guitar and a bass yep you could get a loop pedal and do really well at the comedy Oh my god

You could be Tash Sultana Maybe he is Tash Sultana Oh my lord Not bad What's your band Called Tommy

What would your band Be called Oh that's great Tommy and the Dasolos Oh that's Lazy That sucks Pretty shit honestly

That sucks Tommy Speaking as a professional Who worked at Triple J for five years I don't think I'd get on Nah What about lazy. Pretty shit, honestly. That sucks, Tommy. Speaking as a professional who worked at Triple J for five years, absolutely not. I don't think I'd get on.

What about... Kingsville would literally email you to tell you to kill yourself. Oh no, I'm being bullied by a 75-year-old.

Who said he's lost touch? Sorry I'm not a fucking jug band from the Merry Melodies like you grew up with.

Get him! Get him! Get him! Nah, good on him. No, what would be a good name? What would be a name that I could have for myself as a one-man band that would have cut through with the Triple J audience? It'd have to be like some kind of, you know, there's like Chet Faker and things like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Joy. So you're saying Tommy Daslow should have a fake name? Yeah, I think so. It should be a little pun. Yeah. It should be a funny little pun. Little pun.

A little fun one. Thomas Olsen. Oh, I like it. I like it. You know what? What about Dean Farton? Yeah, honestly, yes. I play a...

Dean Farton. Dean Farton. Dean Farton. Oh, Dean Farton. Dean Farton. Dean Farton. Wow, Dean Farton. Dean Farton. Dean Farton. Wow. Yeah, all right.

What does that mean? Old guys just don't get it. I'm sorry I didn't immediately know that a parody of Dean Martin's name was good for Triple J. No, this is what I'm saying. This is like... Chet Faker. Chet Faker. There's like...

Who is it? Joy Orbison? Is it a Roy Orbison? Is that a real thing? Yeah, Joy Orbison. Very big on TikTok. Yeah, that's big at the moment. Yeah. Wow.

Dean Farton. Dean Farton. You heard it here first. All right, I'm in. I did have a moment in lockdown where I was like, and I think you may have actually done this, Ben. I was like, I'm going to buy a synth. I did it.

Yeah, you did it. You were living my dream. My Triple J name is Slop Teenager. I love that. Yeah, I think that's good. Great good great so you're on the how's the synth going yeah good making yeah dude making beats making fucking lo-fi beats to study to man hell yeah dude that's where the money is brother spotify playlist you know that story about the uh the amiga of E.T. and how it was notoriously incredibly bad and then... They buried it out in the desert. Yeah, decades later they found a storage of them.

Millions of copies. Yeah, millions of copies just buried in landfill. What? I think there's going to be a similar story in 50 years' time of all the acoustic guitars that were bought on day one of lockdown. They'll just find them all in the same landfill. But also I love that idea that those cartridges were buried out in the middle of the desert.

Like it was such a bad game. It's like 1982. They were all bad. Like how bad did this game have to be to get fucking buried? Right. Because there's no universal idea of anything. It's like you're playing and you're not liking it. But it's like maybe I'm wrong.

They all had like four pixels. How bad was this one? It was no Custer's Last Stand. Is that the one where you're on the rooftop and you're cumming on people down below? It's like a game from... I think so. I think it's...

That's Custer's Last Stand. I think it's like sex and... Bit of racist. Bit of racism. Yeah. Hell yeah. Welcome to the pod. The Holy Trinity.

Yeah. Which again, to represent in about four pixels is very bold. Yeah, I know. This little white dot is actually calm. It's not a bullet. It's not a little pellet that Pac-Man's eating. It's human semen. And that's what the kids are missing these days.

Imagination. Yeah. If they want to play a game with hot ropes, slinging through. Slinging ropes. Slinging ropes Slinging ropes And they can do it They can see it But back in my day

We had to imagine it That's what E.T. The game was missing Yeah More ropes Yeah not enough coming home E.T. coming home Not too much phoning home

I'd say that's what E.T. The movie was missing Yeah Yeah Just coming out of his little finger Yeah Something else glowing Not just the finger

E.T. phone home. E.T. phone a sex line. Yeah, oh yeah. Do some puns, eh? What? Okay. Don't mock me in my own man cave. This is my safe space.

A place where men can be men. It just took us a second to figure out whether that was a parody or whether you thought that was good. And then I looked over at the Lego Seinfeld thing and I was like... The perimeter's been breached. What about this? Hey, we got a bit of news the other day. We did a live show, you guys.

We did a live show. Was it our first live show back after the last lockdowns and all that sort of stuff we decided to go to heathcote country town of heathcote just we tried to sort of find the worst pub in victoria um we booked it in lockdown thinking that by the time lockdown finishes it'll be like the last ones where it won't really be viable to do a live show in the city right but if we go out to the country they'll have less restrictions and then by the time we did it melbourne was back at 100% capacity. It was like we could have done this around the corner

rather than driving two and a half hours. And we didn't have that fever dream anymore. We were like, what if we found the worst pub and then all of a sudden we're at the worst pub going, why did we come here? This is the worst. Yeah, nice pubs are open. Why aren't we there?

We haven't been anywhere for four months. But it was very fun. A lot of people didn't enjoy it, that were listening home because it was just people getting out of their scone drunk, including us on stage, and just screaming at each other and whatever. But it was fun on the day. Anyway, part of it was we hired a bus and we thought, again, that was a great idea, hiring a bus and getting listeners

to come up and back with us. And, of course, everyone just got absolutely sideways, whatever. So what happened on the way back was, we talked to a couple of months ago, was that on the way home... Let's see if you guys can guess. On the way home. What the end of this is. On the way home.

Should we put in guesses now? Sure. Okay. Someone's pissed himself on the bus. Obviously. Good guess. That's a good guess. Yeah.

You jumping on board that guess or you got your own little guess? Yeah, I don't know. Anything can really happen. I mean... I'm just lot of people with some... I'm just trying to think of what I've seen on party buses. Right. I've seen pissing, I've seen puking.

I've seen people trying to make pole dancing happen on a bus. Okay. Yeah, going out on those, you know, seeing those dumb dumb live shows, you can see all that substance abuse in the audience. Oh, in the audience too. Yeah, so... That's going to be our new intro for the live shows. G'day substance abusers.

G'day chemical brothers. So I think pissing yourself is probably a really good idea. Or show tunes. Really? Yeah. Oh man, I would love to see you, Carl. Absolutely out of your fucking mind just being like, how do you solve a problem like that?

Just one day. So you're guessing someone pissing themselves and you're guessing Oklahoma. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm guessing 1,021. Weirdly, Gen Frickers is a lot closer to the actual answer than you are, Ben Russell. It's fluid based. Okay.

Someone did vomit, projectile vomit, onto the window and then the seat as well of the bus directly behind me and then just ran off the bus and we were trying to figure out who it was. Crime scene. Full crime scene. That's a good move to just... Yeah. To go on it was. Crime scene. Full crime scene. That's a good move to just... Yeah. To go on the left. To leave.

Yeah, we tried to turn this into a true crime podcast there for a week and figure out who it was. We were on the bus with the little pins and the bits of twine, kind of measuring the angles of the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. The point of origin. We dusted for spew prints. What does memory look like?

We all catch the bus. Somewhere in country Victoria is a man or a woman covered in vomit. This is dum-dum. Because this is the other thing. We had to clean the bus up. We hired the bus, so we had to clean it. So we had a vested interest in, we were scrubbing this fucking bus going, this fucking can't.

What sort of spew was that? Man, it was very thick. It was very lightly digested. Yeah, right. In the tummy for maybe an hour? Yeah, big chunks of chicken parma. Oof. So they tried to...

This guy wasn't a chewer. Yeah. A swallower, not a chewer. Yeah, so there were bits of dinner stuck on the window. Yeah, wow. It was not good. Man, I'm really glad I cleaned most of it when I was pissed because in the morning it would have been...

Smart. Yeah, a very dumb idea. Senses are diluted. We put it out there and, you know, we did put it out there and I was a little bit cheeky in that I was saying, oh, who could it be? We'll put it out to the listeners. And in the meantime going, I know how to track this cunt down.

I just want this guy to come out and say sorry. Yes, yes. To try and trap this guy. Anyway, so – Trap him with an apology for his actions. Get in. Get in. Well, the guy did actually, you know, do a runner.

So it's like, man – Yeah, because he was in the seat. This is when we've gotten – we're pulling the bus back up in Melbourne to drop people off. And Carl sort of – no, so he gets in the seat. This is when we've gotten, we're pulling the bus back up in Melbourne to drop people off. Oh, okay. And Carl sort of, no, so he gets off the bus, he leaves, and then he's left his phone on, so he comes back. And the phone is like on the seat where all the spew is.

And Carl's like, mate, you've also forgotten most of your palmer from, do you want to like do anything about this? And he's like, oh, I don't know about that. And then it's like, where did you go? He literally goes, that wasn't me. And then runs off the bus. That's your phone in the seat where you were sitting. Who spewed on your seat?

We're down a side street in Footscray. This man in shorts just gets off the bus and just legs it into the darkness at midnight. That was crazy. If he had never responded and then we'd had people who know him communicating with us being like, oh, he's been missing ever since. I wouldn't have been surprised in the slightest.

He would have done the right thing. Yeah, true. Just walked into the river. You know, like dogs being like, the end's near. I'm just going to take off into the wilderness. I don't need to put my family through this. We're in Footscray. The West Gate's in sight.

Yeah, that's it. Fair enough. Running to the Westgate. Not even taking the car. Taking off on foot. But coming back for the phone as well, just in case someone sees their crook text. But also basically starting underneath the Westgate

and going, well, fuck, all right, run up there just to come back here eventually. Yeah, yeah. No, you're going back to get the phone because it's got all your music on it. It's like, I want to listen to the Fooey's as I'm going down. They haven't cleared here. Dereboj my hero.

Hasn't cleared search history. Yeah, that's right. Oh, yeah, right. And also, you know, who does a suicide note on pen and paper anymore? You know? Yeah. It's a TikTok dance. You've got to save it to the cloud.

Make sure your notes app is synced with the cloud. Five things you should know about why I'm killing myself. And then they just point. I can't ducking take it anymore. Five things that you might not know why I kill myself. Imagine a live stream coming. Goodbye, cruel world. I can't feel anything.

Is there something we left out? Don't forget to comment and subscribe. Sorry. Imagine a live stream off the West something we left out? Don't forget to comment and subscribe. Sorry. Imagine a live stream off the Westgate. You haven't seen that before. Just like, here it goes. This is what it's actually like. What's great about this riff is that we're all imagining

the digital suicide note across different mediums. Jen's doing TikTok. You were doing a bit of YouTube. I'm doing YouTube. Loot lists. I'm just hurrying up Trying to see this guy dead Yeah Let's go

You're all business No pleasure Yeah yeah yeah Don't show me the pregnancy Show me the baby That's what I want So Oh you know what

We should have done it Actually in hindsight Just Hansel and Gretel styled it And followed the The trail of Spew Oh true We could have tracked him down He's literally leaving

Palm crumbs To the Spew Is there a house made of spew? And you're like, yay! And then we catch him and we chuck him in an oven? Is that the plan? That could be a thing because he's running away. He's got nowhere to live and he goes,

oh, well, I guess I better build my own house. And just spewed bricks up. Well, a step back from that is like you're saying we could have just followed the trail of spew. Or he's on foot. We had a vehicle. We could have just taken off after him. Yeah, yeah.

A little bit off topic. Hansel and Gretel question here. You know how they do put the witch in the oven? Spoiler. What? Is the oven made of candy? And if so, why doesn't the oven melt? Oh.

Checkmate. Fuck you. So everything. Fuck you. And you know what? I reckon there was heaps of room on that door for Jack as well as me. Oh, yeah, yeah. Now you reckon. Yeah.

Yeah. Both good points. What's with that? What's with that? I don't... Yeah, I don't know. What is with that? I just...

What's with that? That's a good pod. What's with that? That's a good pod What's with that? I just read my child Jack and the Beanstalk She just got Jack and the Beanstalk For the first time And they've altered the end of it

Oh really? Yeah You know the end of it Well what happens at the end? You tell me what happens At the end of Jack and the Beanstalk Ah fuck So he

So he gets the beans Trades the family goat for the beans. That's the start. Cow. Cow, family cow. Yeah, but you're right, that is the start. Yeah, that's the start. He asks for the end.

This is Jack and the beanstalk, Jack and the memento. So he plants the beans. No. Big beanstalk grows. It's become clear that this cunt doesn't know the beanstalk. Yeah, when you said you know the end

I'm like, I'm testing myself. I don't even think I know the beginning or the middle. Wait, so is the, is, you know.

Okay. What? Tommy. Yeah. Family cow. She's like, the mother's like, go sell this family cow

because we need food. Yeah, do the voice properly, thanks. What is the voice? Go do this. Yeah, there we go. Yeah, do the voice properly, thanks. What is the voice? Go do this. Yeah, Mario Christian Anderson. Go do this.

Go to the market, you little moth. Go to the market. Mama traded the family cow for moussaka, you stupid little cunt. You traded the family cow for moussaka You stupid little cunt You traded the family Monaro? What? Oh, fnockio

Tana Anyway I know I know something You know Yep Little creep man goes I'll give you these fucking beans

You little cunt And he's like Alright, we'll give those beans Great deal He brings the beans back to the to the mother mum goes you fucking

malaka throws the beans out they go to bed hungry beanstalk grows up you've got a great grip on this this is exactly what happens

even down to the detail of the family goes to bed hungry that's what I was impressed by Jack times up the beanstalk sees it goes up into this other realm in the clouds.

There's a castle. He goes there. There's a giant. He's going to grind. He likes to grind people's bones and make bread. Yep. Okay. Actually, I was going to use this recording

and play it to my kid tonight, but instead that last bit threw me off. I'm not going to play that bit. That's what he does. Why didn't you get that? Oh, grind your bones. Yeah. He didn't say that.

Yeah. I thought you threw that bit in. No, that's a classic giant. It adds stakes to it., grind your bones in English. Yeah, he did say that. Yeah. I thought you threw that at me. No, that's a classic giant. It adds stakes to it. Yeah, it's a classic storytelling device. Fee-fi-fo-fum. And it puts kids off bread forever. Exactly.

I smell the blood of an Englishman. Yes. He sees a goose. It's laying golden eggs. He sees a harp. He goes, I'm going to steal these motherfuckers. I'm going to fucking shred on that harp And I'm gonna get rich doing it

This is a mini Tommy Daslow Looking for the harp dad To his little family band That's it This harp would look great in my man cave He goes down Giant gives chase He runs, runs, runs, runs, runs, runs

Starts chopping The giant's climbing down Chop, chop, chop, chop Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop. And then gets it. The beanstalk falls. Giant falls to his death. Yes.

Good. Jack wins. Right. Shoot, grope. Grope. Shoot. Big rope. Plums all over the giant's face while he's dead on the ground.

Yeah. Then spits and goes, bitch. Yeah. And then he goes, diddly-doo, on the heart And then he goes, on the heart. Excellent summation. Yeah. Very good. Now, what they've taken out of your version,

aka the classic version, is fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman. That's out. What? The blood of an Englishman. Why is that out? Has it been replaced with anything?

Yeah. Fee-fi-fo-fum. I'm getting up here I come what yeah which brings us back to the thick

road are you just reading this to your daughter just outraged yeah yeah this is fucking Poo Seagull

this is fucking cancelled this shit isn't what I went to sleep with as a fucking two year old this is

you know if this book didn't exist, Ukraine would still happen. Russia wouldn't invade Ukraine. So the blood of an Englishman doesn't exist anymore. Yep. The goose that lays the golden eggs. Somehow they've gone, it's not cool to make kids think that geese lay golden eggs.

Why? They shouldn't be objectified like that. To be honest, outside of fairy tales, I don't think about geese. Yeah, that's a good point. I don't know if I've ever seen a goose in real life. Yeah, I've seen a bloody goose and I'm bloody looking at him right now.

Fuck my ass. See you, diddly diddy. Suck shit. Oh no. I am so glad that I'm not in your shoes right now. They're making fun of me. His very own man cave. I really only brought that I'm not in your shoes right now. They're making fun of me. His very own man came. I really only brought up this whole subject to get to that.

I could see you coming with that. I'm getting on a flight back to Sydney now. I played you like a fiddle, Jen. Thank you. So what's the goose now? There's no goose. It's just he finds... He just goes through all of that just for the fucking harp.

No, no harp either. No harp? So why is he going up there? Two gold coins, that's it. Are you sure this was Jack and the Beanstalk? Yes. So does he murder a giant for two gold coins? No, no murder.

What he does then is he goes... Oh, they fucking talk and work their issues out. No, no, no. He goes to therapy. The giant actually has BPD, guys. Also, the giant isn't a giant. He's just a slightly above average man. He's six foot.

Nothing freakish. Just a tall, free-age guy. Nothing weird. Went to a growth spurt. Ate a lot of veggies. Had a lot of calcium. Nothing wrong with being healthy. So he goes back down the beanstalk

and then chops the beans. Not only does he not chop the beanstalk down, he gets his mother to do it. Meaning, you know, girls can chop down beanstalks as well. Girl boss, girl slave. Old women can be put to work for you. Yeah. And then the giant doesn't even bother trying to go down the beanstalk.

Doesn't die. Just a slightly above average man stays back up in the clouds. He just lost two gold coins, so it's okay. C'est la vie. It's a very low-stakes story. Exactly. If someone breaks into my house and I see them taking off and I know for a fact that they've only taken $2,

I'm like, I'm not giving chase here. They probably need that $2 more than I do. See, what needs to happen is, like, Jackie should have puked in the giant's house. Yeah. Oh, yes. And then the giant would have done, like, many podcast episodes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The giant would be obsessing about it months later. Yeah, yeah. So was this book, was this labelled, like, on the cover? Is there any indication that this is a... Yes, there's a stamp that says, Pussy's version. Cucks only. Cuck and the beanstalk.

Soy boy. That is, I cannot understand the logic of any of those changes. It just seems like a boring story. What was Blanket's little response to this? She doesn't know the cool version. But is she, yeah,

but is she like enjoying the story as it's going on, or is she a bit like, this seems weak as piss? Yeah. She can't understand. How old is she? Can she even understand? She's turned three.

Okay. They know stuff. It is weird to like teach, you know, you're teaching them things obviously at this point. To bother teaching them what a beanstalk is, it's like, honey, this ain't coming up again. There's no such thing as a beanstalk. There's no such thing as a goose.

Don't worry about that. All of my friends, none of them have ever met one. If you're bothering to teach her what a beanstalk is, you at least want someone to die off of it at the end of the story. The beanstalk is completely inconsequential to the story now. What you've now created is a scenario where it's like, this is going to be like the next generation, like the Mandela effect kind of thing,

where it's like at a certain age, they'll be like, she'll be sitting around like, no, the beanstalk goes up there and there's two coins. And everyone else is like, no, there's like a goose and a harp up there. I feel like this book is a false flag operation. Yeah. That's been made by someone like Peter Credlin's

probably ghost written it or something like that. Just to be like, look at this book. The woke lefties are at it again. They're changing our fairy tales. They're saying normalised giants. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, yeah, no, it is a bit like that. But I think it's a Volkswagen just to annoy you.

Yeah, as well. Like I think it's been planted there just to annoy you. You need to do like the Yeah, as well. Like, I think it's been planted there just to annoy you. You need to get, you need to do, like, the Coke and Pepsi test. You need to get, like, a dinky dye copy of Jack and the Beanstalk and then read her that the next night and just see, see which one she prefers. It's making it to the end and her going, is that the end of me going, I guess.

Sorry. Yeah. Why do you even need a book? Just tell her the story. You know the story. Yeah. I do do even need a book? Just tell her the story. You know the story. Yeah. I do do a bit of editing within the story when I do it. I go, I'll punch this up.

A few F's and C's chucked in there. And this little cunt grabs these two. There's a big fucking giant. It's a golden cunt. Yeah. Because that's going to come up more than geese. Right, right, right. And the giant's like, get fucked, cunt.

What are you doing, you fucking little worm? So you get to the end of the book and you're just like, any questions? Yeah. Yeah, I'm getting to the end and going, I literally, every night, I forget, I get to the last page and I go, that can't be the end. And then I turn it. And then she's waiting for what's on the next page and there's nothing on there.

And she's like, so what? I'm like, oh, no, I'm just looking. There just should be something better. I'm just every night looking for something for a better ending. So which old Australian comedian wrote this child's book? Sorry, which old Australian comedian paid someone to write this child's book? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ando's Jack and the Beanstalk.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Arndo's Jack and the Beanstalk. Yeah, you've got to give her a run of the diesel Jack and the Beanstalk. I just feel like kids need to be scared. Otherwise, we won't have goths. I just don't like a future where there won't be spooky girls running around being spooky. Oh, yeah. Like I was a spooky girl. Terrified of ghosts growing up.

What's going to happen to the Emily the Strange industry? Exactly If we don't bully and frighten our children Then that's how we get like Silicon Valley big tech companies Sorry to say it If we don't bully children We're going to get more Putins Yeah

So true We'll get more Harry Potter live theatre shows Yeah We're going to get more This is the thing that's going We're going to get more Harry Potter live theatre shows. This is the thing that's going on. We're going to get more burlesque dances. Imagine your kid turning into a burlesque dancer. No, don't say that. That couldn't happen to me.

You know what they're going to do? They're going to do fucking political comedy. Is that what you want? Political satire. Burlesque. Political satire. Burlesque. Dancing to tempo by Lizzo while pointing at a graph of fucking stuff John Howard's done. slash burlesque. Political satire, burlesque. Yeah. Yeah.

Dancing to tempo by Lizzo while, like, pointing at a graph of, like, fucking stuff John Howard's done. Yeah. They're going to be the friendly Geordies. Your kid's going to grow up to be friendly Geordie. The friendliest Geordie. Yeah. Say this. The hungriest beast.

What would be your bottom five most shameful careers for your child to end up? Bottom five shameless careers. your bottom five most shameful careers for your child to end up bottom five shameless careers most shameful careers that your child could end up having

things that I don't want them to go into yeah exactly comedy okay really a bit hurt

because then then he'll have to say no to her sorry sorry girl you're gonna have to come to the gig yeah

just like send me some videos or something at least. Yeah, send me a reference, Carl Chandler. Never heard of him. Yeah. Not for me. No, I was going to come down and sign up anyway. That's the only chance I can see you because you're in Thailand every two weeks.

Yeah, and that's why you're signing up at Phuket Spleen. Exactly, yeah. Phuket Spleen. Yeah, what other jobs do you not want your kid to have? Oh, yeah. Bookhead spleen. What other jobs do you not want your kid to have? Oh, God. I mean, it does say something that comedy came way before sex work. Yeah. I thought of that.

Sex work's like, everyone's making money off it now. Yeah, totally. Yeah, but I don't particularly associate that with my three-year-old at the moment. Like, I think that's fine. All right. Well, what if... Sounds like he's the cuck. Yeah.

What about magician? Oh, God. All right. We've got a new number two.uck. What about magician? Oh, God. All right. We've got a new number two. Okay, what about this? One of those buskers that live streams themselves while they're busking. Oh, I haven't even seen that. That's a new thing.

Dad, I want to go to improv school. Well, I was trying not to say that because you run improv courses. I don't run improv. Please, bitch. I don't run improv courses. Yeah, call him a bitch again. No, I don't run improv. Oh, please, bitch. I don't run improv courses. Yeah, call him a bitch again. No, I don't. I thought you did.

I'm deluded enough to do improv. I don't want to scam people. Don't you run an improv course? No. I feel like I'm being... You and I were talking about this the other night. You put on an improv show once a week. And I thought it was a class as well because to be fair,

the word teaching is in the title of the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, true. It's called Teaching Your Dog to Read and we get comedians to do improv. Right. Oh, I thought it was a dog literacy class. Jesus Christ, you people. I don't know, Melbourne's different to Sydney.

It's very artsy. It's very conceptual. I thought you were doing a little Cesar Millan up there no but in Sydney a show called Teaching Your Dog a Read

it's literal there's no metaphors in Sydney in Sydney it's business would you guys ever consider just on the subject just for a little bit of business would you guys ever consider

doing some improv for that show we're doing it right now exactly yes and you guys get it. Yes and no,

never. I would love to see you up there, Carl. I would love to see you do a space jump. Yeah. Well, I mean. Dumb Dumb listeners,

get on it. Pressure him, say get, we will sell this out. That's the thing. If you see Carl Chan on the street, after you finish puking on him, tell him you want to see him do improv.

I want to see you do it. As you're opening the door to your spew-created house. Live at the Vomitorium. Little Dumb Dumb does improv. Is it impro or improv? In Australia it's called improv, but that sounds even lamer somehow. Yeah. Why did we take...

Is that just classic Australia making a nickname out of even the short enough... Improv... Like abbreviated name Improv. Yeah, I guess so. We've gone... Let's take another letter off. Yeah. I'll have to talk to the king of Improv.

Yeah. Who is it? Well, okay. How about this? Just to test... Just to put you on the spot and test how good you really are at Improv. Okay. I'm going to give you an object and you have to come up

with as many imaginary things as it is. So, okay, here you go. Tommy's just pulling it out. Something for the modern heterosexual gentleman. He did all of that with just an empty cup of coffee, guys. Carl, can I pitch another job for your kid? I've successfully referenced that pretty much every time I've been on this show. Another job for my child, yes.

I want to pitch Carl another job for his kid. Yes. Professional Quidditch player. Yes. Yeah, Harry Potter at all. Yeah. What else do you think Blanket is in, Carl? Is she a Hufflepuff or a Ravenclaw?

A Grim Reaper. I reckon she's a Slyther all. Yeah. What house do you think Blanket is in, Carl? Is she a Hufflepuff or a Ravenclaw? A Gorindor. I reckon she's a Slytherin. Yeah. Can we please get back to the story about a man spewing? Carl's kids are Slytherin. I'm less revolted by the man spewing on a bus story. Let's get back to the good old days.

Me cleaning it up at midnight. Daddy, will you go to a ten hour show of Harry Potter with me? It's split into two shows. Oh, God. I shan't be reading my kid any Harry Potter. Only the interviews with its author. Just the tweets. No censorship there.

You know what she figured out the other day? Because of me and my wife talking around the house, she comes up and goes... I thought you meant JK. You know what she figured out the other day? I can't wait to hear this. No, she figured out the other day what my name is. So she came around and goes,

Daddy. I go, yeah. She goes, your name's Carl. And I go, no, no. It's Daddy. And she goes, no. Carl. And then just the next five minutes,

it's like, no. Carl. Hi, Carl. I'm like, fuck. She's going to call you Carl. I heard the next five minutes is like, no, Carl. Hi, Carl. I'm like, fine. She's going to call you Carl. I heard the next thing she says is, G'day, Dickhead.

But I loved it because she was like playing it exactly how I would play it. No, no, no. My name's Daddy. I'm your daddy. No, no, no. Carl. Yeah, that's pretty good.

You're walking out and you're like, hey, mate. With earbuds, huge earbuds in her tiny little ears. Do you remember the age you were when you were like, it's time to grow up. It's not daddy anymore, it's dad. Yeah. I remember it being a real line, just it being a deliberate mental shift.

It's like, I'm an adult now. Yeah. No, totally. Yeah. She has called me dad a couple of times where I'm like, oh, is this the change? No, not quite. She's just gone a bit between. What are you feeling like?

Like you've got a mini you, like literally a mini you in your house. Are you worried? I don't. No, I don't see it like that. I see it like that. It'd be pretty cool, wouldn't it? Yeah. Two cars.

Yeah. One car. For all those people always wanting a female version of me. Yeah. Well, maybe you got it. Carlito. Yeah. Having been around her, it's not...

She's not... Yeah. I wouldn't say she's a minicar. She's... Yeah. What is she? She's too masculine for that. That's bad.

Imagine being a girl. And imagine it, guys. We're on the beach and we're a girl. Yeah. Okay. Okay. All right. I'm and we're a girl. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I'm thinking I've got a big pussy. I've got a big pussy and I'll have to shoot ropes.

No? No? Yeah. What the hell was it? Can we rope it? Can girls rope? Hashtag can girls rope? Girls can rope.

Girls can text in now. 2020. Text lines are open. Can girls rope? O4397-7555. I don't even know where I am. I don't even know how to operate these things, man. What's the worst improv?

Like, you must have seen some bad improv. What's the worst way of doing it? Oh, there's too many ways. That's like how many colours are there. There's more bad improv than there is good improv. there's more bad improv is it more bad improv than there is bad comedy oh no purely because comedy is more popular right right as in people will get on board with bad comedy but people won't get on board with bad improv actually i think it's opposite i think that people improv you're protected by the audience go they're going

they're just making this up so if it's shit they're a little bit more forgiving whereas with stand-up it's like no this kind of has spent time with these jokes we've seen this on TV yeah

so like I think that bad stand-up for me personally I like watching bad stand-up more but I hate you're welcome something about bad improv makes my teeth hurt because i'm

so tired of it and bad improv usually is the same it's usually the same ugly child look that that you see everywhere so it's like what do you mean it's just the same thing so it's the same scene you've seen every time it's like hi dad oh And then people just arguing or like doing that sort of stuff. It's incredibly tedious. Speaking of you and comedy, I learned something about you recently. Jen and I were at your wedding. Yes. And when you were doing the vows.

And you're married. Yeah, I came there hoping to score a piece. And then all of a sudden I find out you're off the market. Did you learn that before the wedding or after? No, I showed up. I thought it was a pre-festival party. I was at a network. You thought you were getting married to him?

You turned out someone else rocks up? I just thought I'd be open to the evening. My photographer, the photographer that we got there. You were saying yes to the offering. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you go with your learning thing and I'll tell you. As you were getting up to do the vows, you and your now wife Maggie,

the lady officiating, is that the term? Yeah. She was setting up a bit about you guys as a couple and how you met and then giving everyone

a bit of background about the two of you and you've clearly sat down with her and told her a bit about yourselves and your story. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And she introduced you to everyone at the wedding as Ben Loves Podcasts. Yeah, I'm not entirely sure. And you looked more... I was like... It felt like a nice moment because it took the stress off the whole getting married bit and put more stress on.

Now everyone here thinks I'm a fucking dork. Yeah. I don't listen to podcasts. No, you're like, no, everyone, no. The wedding's off. I said, I don't love podcasts. I don't. That is love podcasts. I don't. That is not true.

I don't know where she got that. Hang on. Is this our wedding gift to you right now? I barely listen to podcasts. You love them. Why would she say that at your wedding? Fucking rule. Ben loves podcasts and then you go, I do.

Oh my God, It fucking rocked Just watching a man As he's at As he's about to do the vows Beautiful Shaking his head Going no Happiest day of his life

Yeah I was so It would have been great If Maggie had of just Fucked off She's like I didn't know this I'm out of here I've changed my mind

And then there's a lot of Brisbane flood talks, which in hindsight now. A bit topical. Yeah. Greg was looking into the future. Yeah, he really was. Oh, and also to make up, this lady officiating, she was really on fire because she introduces you as loving podcasts. And then when Greg was doing his speech, he goes,

and now we're going to hear some beautiful words from Big Greg. We told him. We told him to say that. Damn, I wish that had just been off the top of the dime. That would have been incredible. He was referred to as Big Greg throughout the entire wedding. Actually, you, speaking of weddings, you were a person that I always found very intriguing in the wedding sphere

in that you went to Ronnie Chang's wedding. Yes. Friend of the show, ex-friend of the show, Ronnie Chang. Yes. Frenemy of the show. Frenemy. No, no frenemy. Friend of the show, one way only. Pending. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Friend of the show pending. Friend request pending. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Friend request. It's complicated

of the show. Yes. Yeah, okay. Very good. Yeah. Tommy and I were invited. We were away. Yeah. For it. For the Melbourne leg of the tour, of the wedding tour that Ronnie Chang did. You.

I think they're still going, aren't they? Yeah. Maybe. Still a few happening around the world. Maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think they've done one in Antarctica. Go to RonnieChang.com and you'll find tickets.

In the city near you. Yeah. Go to DJ openings. Yeah. They've done North Pole, not South Pole. I think that's where it's you. Yeah. Got a DJ opening. Yeah. They've done North Pole, not South Pole. I think that's where it's going. Yeah.

You were invited on the day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he messaged me and he said, hey, what are you doing? Yeah. Do you have a suit? Yeah. Day of the wedding

where you're getting yourself sorted and then looking at numbers going, oh, looking a bit thin. Then hitting up B-Rus and going, what are you doing can we get on the rush ticks sign up for my

wedding I want a free ticket to my wedding are you accusing him of papering his wedding he papered his

wedding get some buzz out because he's got a few more to go he did the opening weekend just make sure you tweet about it

Ben goes back to the office and he's around the water cooler going I went to this great wedding if you tweet about it. Yeah. Ben goes back to the office and he's around the water cooler going like, oh, I went to this great wedding. If you're in Malaysia next week, you should definitely go to that one. Yeah. Yeah, it was really good.

Yeah. Yeah, it was very strange. So you just, you sitting around watching, you know. It was in the morning. I was chilling out. I was having a cup of coffee. Watching a bit of Wide World of Sports. Yeah.

What were your plans for the day? Oh, it was so long ago. I honestly don't remember. Was it a fun wedding? Yeah, it was so long ago. I honestly don't remember. Was it a fun wedding? Yeah, it was fun. Yeah. It was relatively like, it wasn't like a big rager. It was just like, we'll do the wedding and then we'll have a little something to eat.

And then people just milled around and then they left. So it was a chilled out affair. But there was no part of you that was like, I'm getting this on the day. Fuck this guy. I'm not going. Oh, I didn't really give a fuck. I mean, I think, you know, Ronnie sometimes has trouble expressing his emotions. And, you know, I don't judge those emotions.

Did you invite him to your wedding? Did you reciprocate on the day? I did, like the day of. With the time difference too. Did you reciprocate on the day? I did, like, on the day of, yeah. With the time difference, too. Except I forgot that he doesn't really, like, picking up on sarcasm or the fact that it's a joke

is not one of his strong points, I don't think. So it was like, I'm sorry, I can't. Oh, you actually did do that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's funny. And I was like, yeah, dude, I know. My family from Perth can't get here as if you're fucking getting on a bike. It was a joke, remember?

Remember what you do? Yeah. God bless him. I made a joke to Ronnie during lockdown. He was in Sydney. I think they were doing the two-week quarantine or whatever. And he messaged me and he's like, hey, look, I know you was in Sydney. I think they were like, they were doing the two-week quarantine or whatever. And he messaged me and he's like, hey, look, I know you're in Sydney.

Like, are you able to do me a favor and go pick up? I think it was like, like he wanted to get a new iPhone or something like that. And I was like, in the time that I've known you. You can get that delivered. You are constantly doing errands for Ronnie. One time we went to get lunch during the comedy festival and you were like,

oh, Ronnie's making me take some stuff to the post office for him at the last minute. So we had to fucking walk around. Does he pay you a retainer? Did you get an invite to his wedding? Absolutely not. Wow. Actually, you know what?

Jen delivered the cake. Yeah, and then I left. I took the photos. I was like, I've never heard of fucking anyone here. You drove Ben Russell to the wedding and that was it. No, but then he's like, can you help me? I want to get like a new iPhone. I was like, yeah, man.

Like, I'm just going to go out into the disease ridden streets of Sydney because I have nothing to live for. You saw me. We talked last year during lockdown. I was in a dark place. And then he was like, oh, I'm so sorry. And I was like, it's all good. Like, it's fine.

He's like, no, no, it's fine. I'll get someone else to do it. I'm like, I was just making a joke. Anyway. But also being like I'm trapped sorry. And I was like, it's all good. Like, it's fine. He's like, no, no, it's fine. I'll get someone else to do it. I'm like, I was just making a joke. Anyway. But also being like, I'm trapped in a room. Like, I bombed in here. Right. Yeah.

Like him being trapped in a room in quarantine. It's like, I need a new phone right now. It's like, why? You're not going anywhere. I don't know. Just live off the laptop for two weeks, mate. He's a mysterious man. I don't question it.

I don't know. I don't mind doing it. I like feeling of service to people. You know? I like helping out. You guys ask me for a favor, I I don't question it. I don't know. I don't mind doing it. I like feeling of service to people. You know? I like helping out. You guys ask me for a favor, I'll do it. Okay. Yeah.

Give me a coffee. Now? Yeah. Fuck. Uber fricker. Yeah. What do you want, Ben? I'll have a coffee, maybe a croissant.

Okay. Well, I'm just going to... The favor is I'm going to get everyone coffees after this. Yeah. All right. Yeah, great. That's actually fine. I'm fine with that. I was expecting something bigger, but favourites, I'm going to get everyone coffees after this. Yeah. All right. Yeah, great. That's actually fine. I'm fine with that.

I was expecting something bigger, but that's all good. You blew it. You know what I'd like you to get? What? Something for yourself. This is like me freeing the genie with my third wish. The genie. I wish I'd said that now.

Thank you so much. Thank you. I look like a fucking arse. Well, you know, some of us are allies. That's so fucking brave. I ordered a coffee and I don't even drink it. Yeah. Fuck.

That's the kind of yass queening we like to get up here in Tommy's Man Cave. Absolute slay. So, back to the fandom skewer. Are we still in Jack and the Beanstalk? Yeah, I can't remember. We're still on the wedding. Which tangent? We didn't actually close up all the tangents before we go back to the initial topic.

Close all these windows. Too many windows open. So it's Phantom Chewer. So we put it out there a while back on our True Crime podcast, and we never heard anything. And then finally we get a message. But having said that, I think you'd clicked on it maybe immediately after the episode, and then I didn't see it because it didn't come up or anything.

So you probably knew this for months and I didn't know, i only found out the other day so a message hello the phantom spewer is here i've never felt more embarrassed and yet fucking losing my shit laughing at something as well i was gonna message early but after last week's talking dumb dumb i thought i'd wait as as you were waiting on bringing it up yourself. One, I want to apologise for any mess I made on the bus. Well, if... For any mess I made on the bus. Any mess. Well, we told you,

it's half a fucking Palmer stuck to the window of a bus. Yeah. There's no hypothetical... See, this is why I didn't reply. I'm smelling the smell. Yeah. It's one of those like, oh, I'm sorry if you happen to choose to be offended.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry if your feelings were hurt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's on you, not on me. Yeah. yeah yeah i feel like i was reading that as sorry for any messes in spiritually right right psychologically as well as the physical mess well i feel like they made a crucial error they should have just spewed and then owned it yeah and then everything would have been fine they could have been a hero yeah they could have been right you know this podcast by now yeah they could have been hosting. I spewed

on the window and immediately pointed at it and laughed. Check this shit

out. What would Milan do? I was annoyed by this message from the first sentence.

I've never been so embarrassed. It's like, okay. And also pissing myself laughing.

I was like, immediately I went, this isn't really an apology. What is this? Yeah. Also, losing my shit. Well, it wasn't the shit you lost, Matt. You didn't give it enough time. Should have sat on it a while.

I want to apologize for any mess I made on the bus. And we'll gladly transfer funds for cleaning that was done. Well, we told you what we did. It was our elbow grease that fucking got it clean. And that's worth to you about a hundred, like... Yeah, I mean, take the money, obviously.

Don't turn down the money, dude. But what's he asking us to do? Like, if we'd paid cleaners and it's like, sure, reimburse us for that, but now we've got to sit down and work out our hourly rate. Right, as cleaners.

As cleaners. So you look, what is the standard for like... So if you guys are cleaners, how long do you reckon it took you to clean it as cleaners so you look what is the what is the standard for like so if you guys are cleaners how long do you reckon it took you to clean it up

well you know it's like it's not it's not the time as much as it was the you know emotional okay so how much

is that worth yeah how much are our emotions if you go hours how many hours well it wasn't hours because it was

so it was less than an hour so but there's a three hour minimum call out minimum call out. Minimum call out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here we go. Plus materials. Did you have to buy anything?

Yeah. Like anything to wipe it down with? We brought existing... Well, you would charge it because we were bringing existing cleaning products. So what I said, Carl cleaned up a bit of it when we got back to the hire place at midnight. Sure. But then there was so much to do that it was like, we're going to have to come back the next morning. Right.

So we went home and then, so we're on the other side of town. Carl's coming back through a part of the city where the fucking Melbourne Marathon was on or something. So it was like, I was running through that with a mop and bucket. Yeah, Sunday morning we had to get up, come back.

I had to like, I was going to have breakfast with my parents. I had to call them, move all that. So it's like, that time and a half, penalty rates. That's double time. I barely slept a wink. I was dreaming a big spew was chasing me all night call them, move all that. So it's like, that's time and a half. That's double time.

I barely slept a wink. I was dreaming a big spew was chasing me all night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Emotional distress. Emotional distress. So that's where,

I mean, I think he's looking at like at least $800 to $1,000. I think so. Wow. H? I think so. No,

yeah, for the cleanup, you know. I mean, you've got to think about the man hours, you've got to think about the emotional,

you've got to think about the materials. Two clean've got to think about the emotional. Yeah, yeah. You've got to think about the materials. Two cleaners instead of one as well, that costs more. Two-man job. Yeah, yeah. Two-man job. Well, he would gladly transfer funds for cleaning that was done. It's $1,000, can't say.

He did say... Good luck to you. Invoices. He's trying to get out of the emotional distress, I think, for just the cleaning. He didn't say anything about the rest. We just quote him the fee and then when he asks for the breakdown, we can go through.

Yeah, you can itemize. Itemize all of it. Emotional quote him the fee and then when he asks for the breakdown, we can go through. Yeah, you can itemise. Itemise all of the emotional labour. I like that. We're all sole traders here, right? And that's not including GST, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they'll have to pay GST. You have to pay GST for that.

Number two point, I have absolutely no memory of how I got from Footscray to my Airbnb in the city. And just again, is this meant to make us feel better? Yeah. He's trying to humanise himself. Yeah. But that's not going to work. If I don't remember, it didn't really happen to me. It might be still on you. So you might have spewed.

So you know, not only that, there's a chance that I could have died and then you'd have that on your hands as well. Oh, thanks, mate. Love you. And also, I think as well it was implied, I'm from in a state well I didn't know there was a rule in Victoria

where you weren't supposed to spew in someone else wait right does it say which state they're from Queensland

probably South Australia I think it might be your one New South Wales he's your mate and New South Welsh my mate your best mate

New South Welshman your premier yeah to be honest when I do come to this absolute garbage fucking state, I do think I'm going to inflict as much damage as I can and then leave quickly.

Leave quickly. Was that a review he left? Yeah. Is it true that we do things a little bit differently down here? Different. Melbourne, the city of letters. Last time you were on here, you were telling us how everyone in Melbourne's ugly.

Yeah. Lockdown did not help that. Yeah, so maybe this guy was trying to do a bit of, he's like, this is what Jen would want. I'll calm down and I'll absolutely disgrace the beautiful city of Melbourne and their buses. I love my fans. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you for voting it best podcast of last year. Yes.

You were. Number one. Point three, in order to try and hide myself throwing up, I used my duffel bag. And believe me, whatever was in the van was less than 20% of what was in the bag. No, again, no. So he's trying to make himself the hero.

You're not the hero. You failed. Yeah. We just got, if anything, we got a tip apparently. We just got 20%. But just the amount that we saw that was on the windows, that was barely even 20%. It's like, I i'm sorry but a human stomach is not that exactly it's not the room in there for there'd be that he did not eat six palmers in in heathcote yeah

attach a photo yeah fuck off so yeah all of us all of a sudden yeah so the point he's made the point he's made is apologize for anything if it's happened. If there are any feelings hurt on it. It may not have happened. He's from interstate. He didn't know any better. He didn't know the rules down here. I didn't even know how I got home. You're lucky to get just a tip. Really, we just got the tip of it.

Of the iceberg. Again, I apologize. I told Milan I could handle no more shots and I think he forced two more on me Oh, here we go Someone else Blaming

We've all blamed Milan for having us here Oh, Milan made me have a big shot of Parmigiana as well Milan made me run He made me run and not contact you Milan booked my Airbnb in the city

I didn't know where it was. It's big energy of like, what if we spewed on the Heathcote party bus as a joke? It'd be ironic. Just as a joke. This is a dog shit thing to send to someone. To be really honest, this is every apology from a man I've ever fucking seen.

Oh, wow. I feel like you guys have just never been apologised to by a man. We're being educated. So maybe we should be thanking this guy for giving us a... What can I say? We fucking suck. Yeah, the absolute, like, sorry if your feelings got hurt. It wasn't even that bad, though.

Right. And you have to understand I was going through some stuff and I didn't know. You're also quite lucky. And you're very lucky in a way. And it's not your fault. I once had a guy break up with me and go, but, you know, before you think I'm a bad guy, I, like, never cheat on you and I could have. Oh, no.

And I was like, well, thank you. Thank you so much. That's what this is. You got 20% of this, but you could have been 40%. Could have been 40%. You're lucky. Very good, my lord. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, my gosh. I'll miss you, king. So, here we go. And also, since landing back in Newcastle. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. There we go. Big spew town.

It's turned into the COVID capital of Australia. Spew castle, obviously. Well, there we go. There we go. And then after that, he said, just to clarify, I am the bag spewer. I'm like, what does that mean? You just explained that. Yeah.

What the fuck is he talking about? I don't know. He's probably drunk right now. He thinks he's been too obscure with all the, there's so much backtracking and no one apologising. Very subtle. I've gotten so off message that they probably don't. Oh, just consider yourselves lucky I didn't shoot rope all over the window. I could have done such a big load in that bus.

I could have come off. Also, they're not even the bag spewer, they're the bus spewer. Yeah, yeah. I'm not, it's like,

to clarify, I am the bag spewer. We don't have the bag. Classic. We don't give a fuck what's in your bag. This is gaslighting and it happens every day.

Buslighting us. We didn't start up a podcast going, let's solve the mystery of who spewed in their own bag. It's got nothing to do with us.

I'm going to kill this dude. I'm going to fucking kill him. Can you please go to a Dumb Dumb Live in Newcastle just to go kill this guy? No, have it round at his house and then spew there. Or we all go there. We all load up on Parmas. We chop this dude's head off. Drown him in the Pasha bowl car.

I love that just at the end being like, yeah, you know, now Newcastle's got a lot of COVID, so I guess I've got my – it's like, oh, that's going to make us feel better. More COVID in this country. Yeah. That's helpful to us too. Also, it didn't say he had COVID. No.

Just the town had COVID. Wait, wait, I missed his COVID part. What did he say? He said since getting home to Newcastle, it's become the COVID capital. Yeah. Because then it was all kicking off. Oh, right, right, right. Which, of course, is worse than down south, which is now Spe kicking off. Oh, right, right, right. Which, of course, is worse than down south,

which is now Spewtown. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But so then, so that was... We were doing more cleaning up than the early days of the pandemic. Yeah. We were fucking singing happy birthdays. We were scrubbing those fucking chunks off that window.

And you know what? Tonight, if you listen to this podcast, go stand out your front door, everyone at seven o'clock, and bang pots, clap your hands, to the essential workers of this bus. Bus boy!

What? Just think of this guy as well. Remember. Remember this guy who had to clean his own bag to feed himself spewed into. Oh, my duffel bag. Also, who's bringing a duffel bag on a day trip? What's Oh my duffel bag. Also who's bringing a duffel bag

on a day trip? What's in the duffel bag? What did you need? You know what? We're not playing cricket down there. He brought his own palmers.

Couldn't trust these down south palmers. I bought some palmies from up north. That's what threw him. The different vowel. It was the change

in the air pressure. The duffel also the most low-rent bag. It's like, oh, that thing that costs you $15 from cotton on. Boo-hoo, that's written off, isn't it? Sorry you didn't spew in your own, like, that blue, red and white bag that you get. The only worst bag there is in the world. Oh, yeah, the laundry bag. The laundry bag.

Yeah, the plastic laundry bag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm sure it was a high-quality duffel bag. I thought... Seriously. Sounds like a king. Sounds like a king. No, I'm sure everything this person owns is a duffel bag. I thought... Seriously. Sounds like a king. Sounds like a king. No, I'm sure everything this person owns

is a duffel bag. Sounds like it's a little bit small. Sounds like it could have been a bit bigger and then the window wouldn't have fucking copped. While you're at it, throw everything else that you own in the bin as well. You trash person.

Throw yourself in the bin. Honey. Well, he's definitely switched off by now. I don't think he's pissing himself laughing anymore. Yeah. I do want to put I'm doing the Newcastle Comedy Festival

in May yep yep come on down spew in a bag I don't give a fuck get down there go up to Mylos on the door tell him we said

you can get him for free yeah yeah yeah so there was an update so then we didn't we didn't respond to that message and so we he must have thought

oh god you know we were mad or whatever oh maybe they might be a bit mad at me. Left him on read. Yeah, left him on read. So then the follow-up message is, hey, guys, so I'm down for comedy week. What is that? What's comedy week?

Does he mean comedy festival? I think so. That's funny. Yeah. That is funny to call it comedy week. So not only did he – I'm going back up north. I'm telling everyone it's Comedy Week down here.

But also, not only did he spew on our bus, he crunched our comedy festival into one week. Yeah. It's a four-week festival. Dare you. I'm meant to be doing ten shows. You know what? The arts in this country has been through so much.

Thank you. And it's not okay to minimise that. It's not. We lost a whole festival two years ago Now you're trying to lose another three weeks of our festival? You know who else is from Newcastle? Cam James Yeah

Cam Bone comes from Newcastle I'm not sure about Cam James Cam Bone That's his real name That's his real name What? Yes Did you not know it's a fake name?

No Cameron Bone Cameron Bone Cameron Bone Yeah So Bone. Cameron Bone. Yeah. So when he was growing up in Newcastle. He got in. Sling and rope.

He was called Cam Bone. He got into comedy and thought, this isn't a good name for comedy. I need a funny name like Cameron James. Why did he change it to Cam James? I don't know. You know why? Cameron Bone. Newcastle.

Full of liars. Oh, yeah. He probably knows this guy. Maybe it's his brother. Again, please buy tickets to Newcastle Full of Liars oh yeah yeah he probably knows this guy maybe it's his brother again please buy tickets to the Newcastle Comedy Festival someone probably spewed on his last name

he had to get a new one yeah probably scrub it out yeah he abandoned it and ran off yes I'm gonna kill Cameron I'm gonna kill Cameron

because of this yeah I hope you're happy bus for you guys Cameron James true crime pod where the crimes are committed by one of the people

on the pod. Turns out it was me. Fucking chopped Bone's head off. Two people in Newcastle to kill. How many heads are you chopping off today?

At least two. At least two. All from Newcastle. All from Newcastle. What a town. Your next Daniel Johns. Yeah. Thank you for that.

Daniel Bone, his brother. Yeah. So, hey guys. So, I'm down for comedy week and I would like to offer to maybe clean both of your cars or something to make up for Heathcote. That's not fair. That's the offer. Do you trust him not to spew in your car?

Well, I don't know what he cleans with. Does he use soap or just human fluid? You know what will happen here with the whole kind of like non-apology that it is in the walking back. I reckon it will be a thing where we go, okay, clean our cars and then we're even. He cleans our cars but then it's like every time he's in town it's like, can I come to the show for free?

Because remember, I cleaned your car for you. All of a sudden he'll be drawing a line under the sand and then this is a new transaction that now we owe him for having cleaned our cars. I don't trust it. Guys, I really think none of you have been in toxic relationships at all this is a classic yeah oh we we have we've just been the other side of it this is classic like haven't heard from you just want to see if you're good

how's your mom i you, but you sound crazy right now. I'm fucking crazy. Can we come and clean your cars that clearly haven't been spewed in already? I can't do the easiest cleaning job of all time. Hey, I see you're doing really well on Instagram, and I just wanted to say I'm so proud of you, and I'm coming to your shows next week or some shit like that. You know what I mean? That kind of shit.

So if we ignore this message. Your life is better now without them in it. So they want back into your life. If we ignore this, is the next message going to be stuck up, bitch? Yeah. Oh. Fuck you. Fuck you, whore.

I hate you. Yeah. And then a picture of his dick. I'm so sorry. Can we just talk? I'm so sorry I said that. Can we just talk, please? Wow.

And then I get it. Yeah. I'll leave you alone. Right. Wow, that's the timeline. That's the timeline. Okay, point taken. Point taken.

I'll stop talking. Yeah. One last word. And then you'll see them chatting to one of your friends. Right. Yes. And then your friend will come over and be like, Oh, my God.

They look so fat now. That's great. Okay. your friend will come over and be like, oh my God, they look so fat now. That's great. Okay. Well, I think if he comes down, you know what? And sucks me off. Yeah. Sure, yes. Because comedy week's not very, well, yeah,

it's like six weeks away, but I guess that's technically in this scale, it's two weeks away. So comedy week is coming up. Yes. Yeah. Nothing says you're sorry like sucking off a married man. I love that you've been married

for like what at this point a couple weeks and you're like I want to get a sloppy toffee from a straight. I want this man to suck me up big time

or I'll kill him. Yeah. Or he'll chop his head off. And you get all confused Cool the lead singer Of the silver chair Is going to suck me off This is going to be great So if he comes down

And he's offered To clean our cars I think we need to demand him That he should spew In our cars first So there's something Good to clean Right

Our cars are probably Clean already Can we rent a car And we get to spew In Matt And then he cleans there's something good to clean. Right. Our cars are probably clean already. We rent a car and we get to spew in Matt and then he cleans that up. That's a good... What about this? What about this? You just force him to spew.

Right. A person cannot drink more than two litres of milk without automatically spewing. Right. So just make him spew. Spewing in a controlled environment where we're outdoors and there's no clean-up required by us.

Yeah, make him spew on your terms and then he's gonna he's gonna hose it down yeah and then make him spew again and then make him hose it down right

and make him spew again and then and just keep doing it yeah until he stops listening to the podcast I don't want him to spew

I'll give him something to gag on yeah I got some milk for you it'll take me a while to get up to two litres but okay so now Ben Russell is driving my car he comes in I got some milk for you It might take me a while To get up to two litres But Okay so now

Ben Russell is driving my car He comes in Goes deep throat on you Yep Then spews in my car Yep And then has to clean that up And then you hop into Tommy's car

And clean Ben's car He sucks you off in there Again Yeah I can go again I don't give a shit I'll be You know

Yeah I just need like a couple of minutes Yep Don't talk to me Don't look at me He has to go and eat two parmas first Then suck you off in my car I just need like a couple of minutes. Don't talk to me. Don't look at me. He has to go and eat two Parmas first, then suck you off in my car.

Because he's from the north. Parmese, sorry. You have to find a place here that calls them that. Bring your zone. Yep. Okay. Beware of Parmese. Across state lines.

Okay, so that's all part of comedy week. Yeah. And then... God, I love comedy week. It's not in comedy week. We don't register it as part of it. Oh, right, right, right. It's all part of Comedy Week. Yeah. And then... God, I love Comedy Week. It's not in Comedy Week. We don't register it as part of it. Oh, right, right, right. It's non-FMV. And then I chop this down.

It's like our live podcast. It's not actually part of Comedy Week. It's just, you know, it's adjacent. We don't want to pay. And then we're on the hook for 400 bucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Plus, you've got to give like 12% of your merch. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We might get some randoms come, though, so maybe it's worth it. We want to make sure we're not taping it, so we don't have to pay any extra for that. Yes, exactly. Chortle might come. That would be good. That would be good. Sounds like you'll be chortling. Yeah, I'll chortle.

I'm going to chortle. Okay. That's the... You look like the chortle logo at the moment. Thank you. Do you reckon I can start just telling people I'm chortle? Yeah, sure. Right?

Good room to start. I'm chortle. I'm chortle. I'm chortle. I'm going to come to Melbourne during comedy week people I'm chortle. Yeah, sure. Right? Good room to start. I'm chortle. I'm chortle. I'm going to come to Melbourne during comedy week. I'm chortle. I reckon you work on a pair of glasses. I think you've done it. I can do an accent.

Yeah, yeah. Hello. I hate women. Oh, I thought this clown show was just simply wonderful. Marvelous. I love the bit where they get their dicks out for no reason other than they can't finish the show It was

This show needs more men Dressed up like women Yes That's true British comedy The audience was laughing And having a wonderful time So I hated it Yes

I feel like we're getting away From people spewing on windows Sorry yes It's making me feel sick. It's adjacent. All right, great. So comedy week, lock this in. Comedy week.

Do we name this guy or not? No. Do you know what it is? This Max is like, he wants to be a character on the show now. He wants to be in an MLR. It's annoying. It is annoying that he's sort of getting what he wants. But you know what?

We're doing five of these pods in this week. We're cramming them in. So it's like, much like you yeah, we'll take what we can get. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We saved up an entire episode. We're cramming in a lot. One of these podcasts is going to be spew. We're cramming in a lot of podcasts in a space that doesn't fit five podcasts.

Yeah. Yeah. These next few weeks that you're listening to, guys, they all happened back-to-back consecutive days. What? And we're close to going fucking mental. Yeah. TV magic. We'd better wrap it up for another week on the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Jen Fricker, Ben Russell, thank you so much for joining us.

Thanks for having us. God bless you both. Yeah, and I'm sorry this happened to you. And God bless all the listeners out there. Without them. Yeah. You know? Listeners, God bless you.

God bless you, listeners. I love you, listeners. I'm going to kiss you all. Do you want me to very quickly on the way out, do you want me to say this? I'm currently late for my job where I need to go to a TV show and report on, not report on, I should say, check the messages of random people that watch this TV show, sending messages overnight.

Yeah. And I have to reply to them. Do they have a problem? And then do you have to solve it? No. Okay. No. They do have problems. I just don't have to solve it? No. No. They do have problems.

I just don't have to solve them. Ridiculous. Yeah. The Husey Hotline is just like overnight. Switchboards are open. Good on you. I just clicked on one of these, which is this. It's three messages sent from this one person over the length of maybe four years.

So you can see the history. This older looking man. Is there a boat or a fish in the picture? person over the length of maybe four years. So you can see the history. This older looking man. Is there a boat or a fish in the picture? There's not. There's his wife. Why are you saving this for tomorrow? Is he wearing wraparound sunnies?

He's not. He's not. He does seem like he may be far north Queensland like they all are that send these sort of messages. So 2018 comes in with this that he's commenting what people love to do in this case

is they're watching something on TV and then they just without context they don't say hey the thing I'm watching right now is this guy and this guy

is talking about this and I don't like this and blah blah they just live commentate on whatever they're seeing at the time and then you check the message 24 hours later

and go what the fuck are you talking about it's because they're like infants the time and then you check the message 24 hours later and go, what the fuck are you talking about? It's because they're like infants. They don't have any kind of way to filter anything out. It's just like they take in things and then they just react without thinking. They're like the guy on the bus. They just take something in, they spew it straight out of the window

and I've got to clean it up. There's no object permanence. Yeah. This is what I got on the Triple J text line all the time. Right. Yeah. So this person opened with, in 2018, that fat tart needs not to talk about Malcolm Turnbull's personal wealth.

Yeah. Again, same thing I get on Triple J text line. Leave that millionaire alone. 2019. Tommy. I don't think this is where we were on. I don't think this is the episode were on I don't think this is the episode we were on

also could be could be Tommy you are such a fucktard oh yeah could be keep your shit comments to yourself

idiot that's in 2019 that's good advice for someone who's on TV and again love that they think that Tommy is just looking at

like as they're going just being like no I think this person might have brain damage this person might be from Newcastle he could be from Newcastle

I haven't heard from him for three years but welcome back he still watches that that's good welcome back so he said that fat tart

you are such a fucktard latest message I've been watching your show on and off since it started way back when my biggest issue is the way you're pushing people to suicide

when you take the piss out of innocent people on the street that may be a little intellectually challenged. I think it's absolutely horrible. They are brain damaged. Let's just check back on your messages again. Tommy, you're a fucktard and you're a fat tart. Yeah. Oh, man.

I love it. I remember a woman texted into Triple J telling me to kill myself and then I called her because people don't realise you can see their phone numbers when you text. Amazing. So I called her and she didn't. And I did this a lot when people would send me abusive stuff. Oftentimes I would just call and be like, are you okay?

You seem like you're having a bad day. Anyway, I called her and she just didn't answer. And I called again and she didn't answer. And then she texts being like, I wish to have my privacy respected, please. Yeah, it's the best. I'm like, you fucking told me to kill myself. I'm a straight. All I do is go, hey, this is what you're listening to.

Here it is. And you told me to fucking kill myself. I'm like, fuck you. Wow. Yeah. No one has any idea of consequence. Like people will send it, put a thing online and then you go back and then they're like, oh, the big soot comes back.

How dare you? You woke lefties at the ABC, keep calling me because I told you to kill yourself. Don't bother calling me. I told you to kill yourself. You should be dead by now. You should be getting off the radio and killing yourself. I'm at work. All right. We better wrap it up.

Jen Fricker, Ben Russell, thank you for joining us. Thank you. I think Jen Fricker's got a show in Newcastle. I actually don't. I think, yeah, Miles is booking for something. It's like a gala or something. I don't know. Newcastle Comedy Gala.

If you're in Newcastle, you know what's happening. There's a poster in every fucking fish and chip shop or whatever. For sure. Yeah, I'm doing that. Also, please listen to my new podcast with Alexi Toliopoulos called Lived It, where we take movies and we find people who lived the real life. And what's it called again? Lived It.

Oh, Lived It. Yes. Cool idea. Yeah. Rolling on. Ben Russell. Hello, Thomas. You've got your live show, Teaching Your Dog How to Read,

your improv show, your improv classes. If you're interested in learning about improv, go down. Carl Chandler and Tommy will be on the show. It's going to be great. They're going to yes and you're going to be so proud. I'm going to bring my dog. He's going to learn how to improv. Also, Comedy Festival Festival can I give that

absolutely Ultimate Hollywood Tours it's going to be it's an immersive sort of oral it's a comedy walking tour

yeah no it's not a walking tour it's a take off of the Hollywood you bring your dog guys guys

it's a car you get the Hollywood. You bring your dog. Guys, guys, guys. It's a car. You get into it. You give Ben head. He chops your fucking head off. Yeah, right. Okay, that is immersive. That's it.

Really immersive. It's very immersive. Check that out. We sold. Explain what it is. We nearly sold out. Explain what it is though. So it's going to be done in sort of an outside.

Yep. Just in one section. Just behind the Capitol Theatre. Only one section of outside. That's just empty but well lit. So we've got silent disco headphones. Ben's going to mug you. So everything's scored while we walk around that one, just one small area.

And then it's a comedy show. And then you line up, you get on your knees. And then you suck a comedy show. Right. And then you line up. You get on your knees. And then you suck me off at the end. No spoilers. I don't want spoilers. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I've been hearing a lot about the process. You went to one fucking test show.

Sorry, guys. It's different every time. Sometimes you're 80s ass, okay? Yeah, my bad. I'm sorry. I'll delete the tweets. Also, you can follow me on Twitter and Twitch. Yeah.

Twitch bond member. You love twitching, baby. I love twitching. You might get me into twitch, honestly. Twitch it up, babes. Yeah. I want to start twitch, but if I didn't do it in the lockdown. Twitch it.

Twitch it. That's not true. That's a bad. Do you guys twitch the, you twitch the dum-dum? You could twitch this right here. You could. This is twitch, right? This is twitch?

I don't think this is twitch. You could 100% twitch it. You got this? is Twitch, right? This is Twitch? I don't think this is Twitch. You could 100% Twitch it. You got this? This is. I'll set you up, babe. Shut up. Carl's got to get to work. Yeah, I've got to get to work.

Oh, sorry, dude. I've got to get to work to deal with Queensland fucking idiots. Yeah. Exactly. All right. Thanks very much for listening, everyone. We'll see you next time. See you, mates.

Mate. Mate. And they've done it again. Yes. Good shit. Taking a little break from our month or two of old fogies on the show. Yeah. Some young fogies.

Some people who, you know, know how to, you know, who are on Instagram, basically. Yes. I don't know. Some TikTokers. Some TikTokers. Some famous TikTokers. Yes. I love your go-to reference for a young person's app is Instagram.

Yeah. Kids now think Instagram is so lame. It's the newest thing I'm on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you know that? What are they called now? The Zoomers. Right.

They think Instagram is pathetic. Really? Pictures. They think Instagram is like the old person person like geriatric app to be on which is depressing to find out because it's still Instagram still seems

kind of new to me totally and I looked at it the other day and it's like you've been on there for this many years I'm like fucking what

yeah yeah yeah feels like I've been on there for 18 months like we said at the top of the show like they said at the top of the show the folks at

Little Dumb Mom Club a new show announced Hobart in Tasmania, April 30th on the Saturday afternoon. We're coming down. We're doing a live podcast with some great guests and we're doing a little bit of stand-up as well. So please get on that.

We loved coming down to Hobart last time. So we were looking forward to loving it again. And our love is really dependent on you guys turning up. Well, the guests are going to be awesome because, like we said, we've got some great guests. We've got some confirmed already. We've got some confirmed already. And if you're in the know about goings-on of comedy,

they're part of a show that's filming down there. So maybe that'll give you a little clue as to who may or may not be on the show. Some absolute all-timers. Yeah. Some all-time favourites. Who've been down there filming this thing who we haven't had on for a little while. So, yeah, it's going to be fun.

That's right. We have Martin Bryant on the show who's filming what? What? A CCTV? Right, right. Is this what it is? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm trying to think.

I don't know what you're talking about. I'm trying to figure out who it is. Did I talk about, did I talk on here about how I, I went and saw that movie about him, the Martin Bryant film. Okay. And then I was looking up about stuff about him. I was like, oh, what's, I wonder if there's any stuff about what his life in jail is like. Right.

And I read this article about like an ex-prison guard talking about how he's real fat in prison. Oh, yes, he is. Yeah. Yeah. Did I talk about this? No. And I read this article about like an ex-prison guard talking about how he's real fat in prison now. Oh, yes, he is. Yeah. Did I talk about this? No. And just this quote from this guy going like, yeah, we all make fun of him. We call him Porky Pig.

And like he got really fat because he's like trading cake for sexual favors in there. Yes. But speaking of like Zoomers, yeah, real Zoomer reference. You can tell. Porky Pig. Yeah, the security guards aren't 15, are they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I just loved it because it's like this article really going in on like what a fat cunny is.

And it's like probably one of the few people left that you could publicly body shame and get away with it. Like no one's writing into news.com going like, how dare you say this about Martin Bryant? Also, I love the economy of it where someone has cake in prison. Yeah. And then goes, I've got this cake, but you know what would be better than having this cake? Having my dick sucked. Having my dick sucked by that psycho cunt that killed a bunch of people,

but now he's fat. Also, it's like the classic cartoon thing of baking a cake and putting a nail file in it so you can break out. It's like someone on the outside is like, they're just baking the cake for you wholesale. It's like, no, no, no, I don't want to break out. I just want to use this as leverage to get my dick sucked. I'm happy to stay in here forever.

If this is the kind of life I can have. Yeah. But also the thought of Martin Bright where he's like, oh, fuck, I'm hungry for cake. I've sucked this guy's dick. Now I'm actually quite full. Now I don't need the cake. Just calling calling you know

you're locked in prison you're just calling your mum like just on your way into the visitation if you could just swing past Coles and grab a Sarah Lee

for me my dick's feeling a little dry today I'm really horny if you could get me one of those Coles $4 mud cakes that'd be great

yeah yeah oh fuck yeah we should have been doing this down in Nova we'll save it I mean it'll be a few months people a couple months A couple of months

People will forget We can trot it out again We'll just hit play on this bit Exactly, yeah LittleDumbDumbClub.com For your tickets to that And of course, yeah The 500th slash 600th episode

Rapidly approaching April 2nd I wish something as funny as that happened in Melbourne That we could talk about Yeah It's a shame no heinous atrocities Have ever happened in the city of Melbourne That we can riff on. And then the person who perpetrated them then sucked a dick.

Yeah. What about the guy who drove a car down the Bourke Street Mall? Oh, yeah. Hopefully he's gotten really fat now and we can make fun of him. Yeah, no, hopefully he's swapping trifle for a bumming or something. In Pentridge or wherever. Pentridge, now that's an old man reference. I know.

It's a cinema now. I was about to say it and I thought, no, I'll pull back. It's too expected of me, but you pulled it out. That's nice. Sometimes it doesn't matter whether the thing is relevant anymore. It's just like phonetically. And if it's been in the ether for long enough, the go-to prison reference in this city will always be Pentridge.

Yes. Regardless of the fact that it's a cinema. Yeah, I know, but no, I was going to say, what is the jail now called? Like, what's the main Melbourne jail now? You know what? I do think it also starts with P. Oh.

Pussytown. Pussytown. The Pussytown jail. Oh, no. You got me. Don't lock me up. Oh, no. I've been jaywalking for eight hours straight.

You finally picked me up. Come and get me, pigs. Not Porky Pig. No. So, yeah, we've got that April the 2nd, and then we've got... Yes. Not only remember to get the last few tickets, and I think there'll be a few tickets released on the day as well, to be honest.

Yes. But it is chock-a-block. It feels bad to even advertise tickets where there being single tickets available like i'm looking at right now but mainly don't forget to come because of course there's a thousand of you that have bought tickets yeah and we keep getting messages from people that um now this was shocking to me ticketech haven't been very forthcoming about letting people know that the date has changed and that their tickets are still valid so if you bought a ticket those two years ago when the show was meant to be, it's still

the same ticket. Turn up with it. It will get you in. It will get you the same seat. It's all still current and still valid regardless of what it says on the thing from when you bought it. There are some fucked questions coming in though that I'm not going to blame Ticket Tech on.

Some very... Well, it's a mix. Yeah. Yeah. I know I bought this two years ago, but are you two still going to be on it, or is this a different podcast? No. No.

It's still us. Is it still... Is it... Yes. Yes. Everything's the fucking same. Yeah. Just come.

As with everything. Yes. As with everything that's been delayed. All tickets are valid. You just move it. I know you got 1A, but now you're not in 69,000B. It's still the same fucking thing. Look, there's enough to organise

with just changing a date of an event without going, let's also mix up all the seats. Yeah. I mean, to be fair, we have changed what we're doing for the show, so maybe those questions

aren't that invalid. There's some people that are like, so everything's changed, the date's changed, obviously. You know that the date's changed, and the date's changed on the ticket, the date's changed on this, but then part of the know that the dates changed. And the dates changed on the ticket. The dates changed on this. But then part of the blurb will be not updated.

So it's like, well, it does say the year 2020 in the blurbs. Well, just to clear it up, no, we're not going back in time on the day. It is going to still be 2022 when we perform the show. Well, I mean, that is an idea I have. We'll talk about it after. Anyway, so there's that show. It's now a double episode that thing that has changed is you now get double the bang for your buck you get two episodes oh my god again

i really need to talk to the other name about that but that's happening uh 500 500 600 episode back to back then if you still got it in you we are still doing the after party originally the after party was this great idea where we're doing it at 10 o'clock, 11 o'clock at night. And of course, that's the thing you do now. Now we're having an after party at five in the afternoon. Yeah, like it's a Wiggles concert. Yes. But it is still going to be a banger.

We've got a live DJ, a certain friend of the show. A live DJ? Yeah, not a dead one. Not just playing a mix. No. Not just putting on boilerroom.com and hitting play. No, not a dead one. Not just playing a mix. No. Not just putting on boilerroom.com and hitting play. No, not a dead cunt slim. Yeah.

You know, that's a non-alive DJ. Dead cunt slim. Dead cunt slim. That's a riff on Fatboy Slim. Yes. Do you like that? Dead cunt slim. That's my Mad Magazine parody.

The opposite of fat being dead. Yes. And the opposite of boy being cunt. Sort of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not a million miles off. Thank you. So that's on at five o'clock on the same day.

Come up for a drink. Come up for a boogie, if you like. And then, of course, like we said, there are three live shows happening the next three Saturdays at 4.30 in the afternoon, European Beer Cafe, on the 9th of April, the 16th of April, 23rd of April. Always, always full. Let's make that happen this year, please. Yes.

And my little solo show is in Adelaide. If you're listening to this hot off the presses, it's tonight, 6.15pm at the Rhino Room. Get down and check that out. Really looking forward to being back in Adelaide. And then I am doing Melbourne, March the 30th until April the 10th. Sydney, May the 7th and 8th. And then Brisbane, May the 17th until the 22nd. All of that is on sale now.

TommyDassolo.com. Would love to see you out there on my little tour. I'm going on tour. I'm currently on tour. On your lap. That is a good one, on tour. People on tour. It's like it's Australia.

There's five cities to do. I feel like for a long time, people were very hesitant to use that description of themselves just doing a run of the festivals. And then I feel like maybe it was Ronnie. Because it's very American, and then I feel like a couple of people just started doing it, and then everyone now just...

And you know what? I'm all for it. It sounds cool. It sounds cool to say you're on tour. I'm glad that we've gotten over the tall poppy thing of just being like, yeah, just call it a tour. Who cares? I was going to say, I think Ronnie's definitely responsible for the one-hour comedy special. That's right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My special. Yeah. He broke the duck over here for that. Now everyone's doing that one. But yeah, Ranny. And look,

lastly on all this sort of bullshit, Perth, of course. Yes. We are coming on the 16th of July, three o'clock in the afternoon. Come along to that. Since we changed the dates again, we still get sent the sales every day and apparently a few people

didn't like the fact that this got delayed but we were close to selling it and now a bunch people didn't like the fact that this got delayed, but we were close to selling it. Now a bunch of people got refunds. I feel like that's happened before. I'd love to see, with these shows that we've rescheduled four times, I'd love to see just like a graph of like the sales versus time and then cancellations, like refunds versus like new sales, and then if there was also a way of charting,

I wonder if there's anyone who's gotten a refund and then, you know, for a date that didn't work and then the date gets changed again and then they've re-bought a ticket that they got refunded. Yes. That's surely been happening. I think there's a bunch of them. I think, you know, you see on the socials,

there's a bunch of people who have got rid of their tickets, got refunds, come back and then, you know, got a new date that suited them, re-bought the ticket, but of course other people got refunds, all of a sudden got a better ticket, got a closer ticket. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. So anyway, not only are we appealing to people that have never had a Perth ticket in their possession, we're also appealing to Perth people

who have got refunds and you can go and get it again. Go get your ticket back. Try and get your same ticket back. Exactly. That's all of our, and of course, like we said at the top, we've got Hobart in there as well.

So yeah, a lot of stuff, a lot of stuff out there, a lot of cities we're doing, a lot of shows, a lot of live shows. Look, after 18 months or so

of basically no live shows, we've got, we're back. We're absolutely back and we'd love to see you out there and have a beer after the show and all that sort of shit. But look, we've got the bit between our teeth after that Adelaide live show that was a ripper.

Yep. So we're back. We've reclaimed our crown as the best live potters in the biz. Yeah. After a couple of average ones. So we're in rare form at the moment. So come along, guys. Yes.

LittleDumbDumbumbclub.com. Of course, on there you can also find the links to the Patreon where you can support the show. It's very much appreciated by us. You can get two bonus mini episodes every week with great guests on them, lots of fun on those, and you, more importantly, go into the drawer to get your name read out on this very segment of the show. That's it.

You're becoming part of podcasting history. Some of you are. Folklore. Right now, a couple of dozen of you. We might have to cut it short this week and not go as long as we usually do because we were actually, we got a little planning meeting after this you know i know you think you guys think that we just it's all random up there when we we do our live shows and stuff and it's all just off the top of our heads and those those rad dads are completely improed um but it's not like that there's a lot of planning that goes into all that sort of stuff so we are having a little planning session for the 500th slash 600th episode after this i wish uh you hadn't have said that because i think it makes

it look worse when people think that there's some work and planning that's gone into what we do. Well, sometimes there is. If you assume that we just cooked

that up on the spot, then it's like, hey, that's pretty good. But when it's like, you had a meeting about this? Yeah. I like the idea

that some people think that the Rad Dads are off the top of your head as we're on stage with pieces of paper in front of us. We just use pieces of paper just to really focus our eyes and just get our improv skills really fine-tuned by just trancing out in front of blank white paper. Well, they're not scripts.

They're printed out black and white photos of the cast of Whose Line Is It Anyway? To look at and just get inspired by Ryan Stiles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Colin Mochrie. I was like, when that show was on, I was a huge, I loved the Drew Carey show. And it always used to piss me off that Drew was just hosting it. And he wasn't like in the mix because I was like,

who are these other cunts? I want to see Drew Carey up there. And then he'd like do the song at the end. I'm like, this is the worst bit. Yes. I hated the hoedown. Get him in the mix. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Poor Drew. No. But I was, yeah, those guys were fucking good. But then again, I've never, I don't think I've ever watched it since I've been in comedy. But watching it out of comedy, I'm like, these cunts are fucking insane. Yeah, I, um. They got that American guy in who sucked though. What? They're all american no

yeah sorry i mean who was the the well you know i get mixed up because there was the british version that had some of the american oh right right right clive anderson i think hosted the english oh yeah yeah yeah who's the guy you're thinking of that you don't like um the guy that's musical the guy that sings who's that guy i think he was added late in the mix so i don't like? The guy that's musical. The guy that sings. Who's that guy? I think he was added late in the mix. I don't know his name. Yeah, I think I vaguely know who you're talking about. I don't know his name.

I like Colin Markery. I like Ryan Stiles. Yep. Wayne Brady? Is that him? Wayne Brady? Yeah, is that the guy? The musical guy?

Yeah. I don't think so. Oh. No. I think it might be. He wasn't originally on the show, was he? He wasn't at the start of Whose Line Is It Anyway? I think he came in late, but I think a few people came in late.

Okay. I'll tell you what, though. I would like to re-watch it all because I imagine just the era that it's from. I imagine a lot of the scenarios are like, oh, no. Whoops. I'm acting gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh-oh.

Yeah. I imagine there's a ton of that. Uh-oh. I imagine there's a ton of that. Uh-oh, I accidentally said the N-word 10 times. Yeah, I bet. Absolutely. Look, some of those act-outs where it's like a giant fucking phallic phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What am I going to do with this?

Yeah, bend over and pick that up, would you? Just a lot of that, I reckon. Yeah, totally, totally. So, yeah, we're going to work on exactly that how we're going to uh uh wedge in a bit of bending over well we're showing our little bums he's on stage at the athenaeum yep we're going to go down to um we're going to go down to clark rubber and just look for funny props that we could have for our guests to yeah pretend a phallus is live on stage at the Athenaeum. Yes.

Walk around the streets here near your house looking for orange safety cones that we can pick up and use later to fuck each other with on the hallowed stage of the Athenaeum. All right. Let's first cab off the rank, first rideshare potential sponsorship off the rank. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber David Brockie. David Brockie. David Brockie. RIP.

Well, he can do what he wants. I don't know if he's deserved to do that, but a bit of nastiness involved in that bloke as well. But yeah, that is funny that he has a real surname that is a nickname of the King of the Hill. It's great. It's that thing where it's like, I'm going to name my kid after my favourite race car driver. Or you're going to call him Peter after his first name. No, no, no.

I'm going to rename his surname as his nickname. I'm going to change my surname to Brockie so that when he comes out, he'll be Brockie. Well, maybe he didn't even... Can you do that when you have a kid? Can you... Give it a different surname? Just completely make up its last name? Surely you can.

I... That's interesting because, yeah, I don't know. You'd have to. My cousin has a kid and she didn't take her husband's surname and their child has the wife's last name right so they've bucked tradition in that sense maybe that's to make up maybe that's to make up for me no longer being an allsop oh they're like you know what i gotta keep this lineage going right it's up to me i guess well you're you're still an allsop you haven't like, you know what? I got to keep this lineage going. It's up to me, I guess. Well, you're still an Allsop.

You haven't changed your name by deed poll or anything like that. Is there any chance of doing that? Is deed poll the thing here? Is that a thing? I don't know. It's very American. I don't know. No, I'm never going to do it.

You're never going to do it? No. No. Damn. There's no, I mean, there's absolutely zero benefit to me doing it whatsoever. Right. It'd be funny though. benefit to me doing it whatsoever. Right. It'd be funny though. I guess that's a benefit.

Yeah. It'd be pretty funny. If I legally changed it to something that's like not quite Dassolo. Yeah. Like what? Dassle. Yeah. So I still, even though it's legally my name, so I've changed my name legally, but not to,

so I still have a stage name. Right. So when now people sometimes say to you, why, why Dasslo? Why is your name Dasslo? Now you can say, because my real name changed by deed poll is Tommy Dassle. And so that's just a bit of a nickname. You know, Australians that always chuck an O on the end of it. I watched some

international acts on the gala and I thought, yeah, they're right. We love chucking O on the end of things. So I changed my name to Tommy Dassel. So that would suit that. Boy, I'll tell you what, I'd love we've talked about this on the show over the years, but it happened quite a while ago.

I'd love SBS to come knocking again Oh So we've talked about it This was a long time ago I got an email from the publicist At the comedy festival This was very early on In me doing comedy

And they were like Oh SBS wants to have you on this show To interview you about doing the festival And I was like Oh great Yeah yeah yeah Sounds awesome And then they're like

Yeah just because you know It's because you're Italian So it would be as part of, you know, some like multicultural thing. Yeah. Wop week. And I like, I had to be honest and go, look, I'm not really Italian. And it's one of probably my biggest showbiz regrets. It's one of my regrets too.

But like now if I got that call, I just would go absolutely. I'm all in. Yes. I'm wogging it up when I go in there. Yeah. But yeah, I just was too, I was, you know, 21 or something and too scared. You think the cops are going to come and pick you up after it. Right.

Yeah. But now, absolutely would be amazing. Yeah. Fully leaning in. It's such a shame. SBS did a thing the other day, didn't they? Like a comedy debate or something like that.

I don't even know what it was. Wasn't it just a segment on Insight about cancel culture? Yeah, something like that. It would have been a shame. It's a shame that you weren't invited with your full ethnic status to be in there. They definitely had a broad range of people in there. So it would have been nice to have had...

The Italian representation. Exactly. And just like what it's, you know, in this country, like if we can't, if everything gets too policed and too PC, we're not going to be able to have the kind of funny wog jokes, which is what I've made my living out of doing. Yes, and then you just start doing a couple of them right there. And then as soon as you finish, you go.

And here's an example of cancel culture. I'm not even Italian. Yeah. They took that away from me. And I've just said these horrific jokes about wogs. Yeah. About my hairy mom. So now I'm being cancelled right now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. As I'm saying this, I'm being cancelled right now. And then it's like the boys, the fellas from Sushi Mango come out and kick the shit in me on camera. And also it would have been good, you know, you being on there, just, you know, you someone who's an actual comedian being on there as part of that. Uh-oh. Yay. Uh-oh. Meow.

Oh. Oh, yes. Feels good. Yep. Oh, yes. Feels good. Yep. It feels like after that one, I feel like I've just won the Bathurst 500,

just like David Brockie has. Just like David Brockie. What do you think of the name Brock as a first name? Oh. I like it. Yeah, it's okay. It's okay. I had a teammate. When we won a championship for Dallas Football Club,

we had a guy with his first name Brock. And then I think, you know, it's a weird thing to win something, especially with me being as obsessed with soccer as I was at that point, let alone now. But with playing it, I was right into it. And he was a teammate of mine and we won a thing together. And I don't think I ever saw him again. Okay. Yeah. When I was about, how old would I have been?

16 or 17. I was doing work experience at an animation studio. Okay. Yeah. When I was about, how old would I have been? 16 or 17. I was doing work experience at an animation studio. There was a guy who worked there called Brock. And I thought he was just like the coolest guy. Because he was, you know, it's like, that was what I wanted to do. It's like, this guy works full time doing cartoons. Yeah. This guy rules.

This is the coolest adult I've ever met. Yeah. And then getting a bit older and being like, yeah, I guess he came to work on a scooter and he would always talk about a sword that he owned at home i wasn't really all that cool you're right yeah but just when you're young it's like anyone who's doing the thing that you want to do when you leave school it's like this person has clocked being an adult yeah this person has a cool job therefore they're cool total and look especially that now like you know that that being a thing where you mix up the end product with the person making it like comedy you go

you know grab it and go oh imagine that imagine imagine doing comedy for a living oh that tv show imagine making that tv show for a living that's the coolest and then have you ever been in a writer's room and ever gone geez these these guys are cool who i'm hanging out with right now it's not you're not writing comedy with the phone well again Well, again, I think when I was in a writer's room and I was like 20, yeah, I kind of did. Because again, it's like, wow, these guys are doing it. These guys are just doing the thing full time. That's the dream.

But then, yeah, absolutely not. Just nerds. No. All nerds. Yes. Totally. I think it's like you're mixing up Homer Simpson with the person writing for Homer Simpson or whatever.

Right, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, thanks, Brockie. Thanks, Brockie. Be careful of those hairpin turns. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Jack Jefford. Jack Jefford. JJ.

Jefford. Jefford. Jefford. What the fuck is going on there? Yeah. Jack Jefford. I don. Jefford. What the fuck is going on there? Yeah. Jack Jefford. I don't like this at all. I like it, but I would hate to be it.

It sounds like, it does sound, it's got very kind of like, I think of like a folk musician. If he cut the end of his surname and he was like Jack Jeff. Right. That's like a very memorable name. Well, it's a bit of an invitation. Okay. To Jack Jeff. Jack Jeff.

Jack Jeff Ord. Jack Jeff Ord. Off. Jack Jeff Off. It's nearly Jack Jeff Odd. Yeah. Jack Jeff Off. Jack Jeff Off.

Jack Jeff Off. That's good. That's really good. Yeah. Yeah. I want to be Jeff. Yeah. I want to be in prison.

With a birthday cake up my ass. giving out a bit of cake yeah jack jeff off jack jeff off oh man it's it's uh i mean look that's like this is one of those ones that's too good yeah because we've gotten to that we've hit a brick wall it's like what else is there there's there's nothing else to say there's more but what not really yeah i'm a bit paralyzed um i mean look it comes down i think it does come down to the old one which is if you if your last name's jefford don't don't call your kid jack it's crazy it is really yeah it's a strange it's a strange one. This person must be like, there's no way this person's like 20. This person, you know, this is like a very, this is a naming convention. We're going to the book. This is a naming convention from like, you know, 60 years ago. This is a competition of name your kid in the worst way.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Again, the kid, the parents aren't named Jefford. This is like a small town and this made the front page of the paper. Local father, new father absolutely fucks it. Local kid has shit name. Local kid has shit name, comma, shit dad. All right, all right. What have we got?

Jack Jefford. What are we looking at at what kind of age range uh what did you say what was your guess oh i reckon like 60 years old nah he's uh look i'm saying i'm saying 40 okay early all right yeah okay early well which one in the photo i found a pic of him with his kid and it's the not kid, I presume. You'd hope it's his kid. I presume. Yeah. Yeah.

But there is a bit of kid representation in his photos. So, look, it could be. This could be his entire pocket money going on us. Who knows? That's not bad. And he needs a laugh. That is. With the tough life he has been called Jack Jeff off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's his one thing that takes his life away from being mercilessly bullied by people and life. Yep. Thanks for being called Jack Jefford. And now the one thing that, the one little island that he gets to go on to get away from that mention of his name

is now full of mentions of his name. Yeah, absolutely. Right now. There's no escape. Yeah. Sorry, Jack Jefford. Sorry, Jackie Jeff. Sorry, Jack Jeff.

Jack Jeff off Sorry Jackie Jeff Sorry Jack Jeff Jack Jeff off Jack Jeff off Ord Jack Jefford Jeff Jack Jack Jack Jefford Jack What about Jack What about Jeff Jack off

We've actually got another We've actually got another Jeff Jack off is great Jeff Jack off is really good That's his new nickname Yep Jack Jeff off I actually don't like Jack Jefford.

I'm more of a fan of a different Patreon subscriber that we have. Yes. Called Jack Jeff Holden. Jack Jeff what? Jack Jeff Holden. I don't even get it. I don't like Jack Jeff Holden. Oh, God.

I like Jack Jeff Holden. I don't even think you were capable of something like that. Well, life's full of surprises, Carl. I'm more of a Jack Jeff Holden man. I'm more of a Jack Jeff Holden kind of guy. That's not bad. That's better. That's good.

That's better. That's really good. All right, I thought we'd hit a wall with this guy. Actually, we've broken through the wall. It's like the end of Who Framed Roger Rabbit where they break down the brick wall and then Toontown's just on the other side. It's like, it just, the colours and the vibrancy.

Are you the sort of guy that has a sticker on the back of his car that's got Calvin taking a piss on a Jack Jeff Ford rather than Jack Jeff Holden? It's Calvin taking a piss on a photo of this guy's kid that we just saw. Oh, no. That's not good. That's bad. Imagine if that happened.

Jack Jeff Ford Jr. Poor Jack Jeff Ford Jr. Yeah. Poor mini Jack. Yeah. Poor little Jack. Poor little Jack off spring. Yes. Yep. Yep. Not bad Jack off spring. Yes.

Yep. Yep. Not bad. Not bad at all. That feels good. That feels really good. Feels good to be back. Thanks, Jack.

Thanks, Jack Jefford. It's all downhill from here, I think. It really is. This is going to be a tough one. Peaked at number two. In comparison to Jack Jefford, this is not the downhill slalom that that was. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Sion Latakefu. Oh, God. Yes.

That's brutal. Yes. S-I- That's brutal. Yes. S-I-O-N-E. I hate that my brain did that. Heard a name of a culture that I don't recognise and my gut reaction was to say out loud, Oh, God. Yes.

Well, you know, comedically you're saying that. Yeah, I'm saying that In terms of like Selfish My job being to Turn the name into The person Masturbating

Or you know Whatever Yes there's no mention of Bums or Coming or anything In this name And even if they There were

And it was like Obviously a different culture That just kind of Sounded like that It would feel wrong Yes You know what I mean It would feel incorrect

Yes but Still give us something. Yeah. But look, we don't have any of that on our side, unfortunately for us, but good for her or him. Tell me the name again. Sion. Again, look, I usually back myself with this sort of stuff, but I'm really, I'm out of my depth.

Sion. S-I-O-N-E. Is that Sion or Sion? Sion? That's too easy. It's got to be Sion. This could be like a Siobhan thing, where the spelling of Siobhan is just absolutely fucked.

Yes. And then L-A-T-U-K-E-F-U. So, fuck, the wheels are spinning. E-F-U So Fuck The wheels are spinning I wonder when we have names like this Whether the person listening Whether the person listening is rapt Whether they're

Whether they're like annoyed Because it's like This is their whole life already And then they have to cop it from their favourite podcast Or whether there's a moment where they're like Yes I fucking got him yeah i want to stump them or i they should know i made their day a little bit worse yeah and that's what

that's the kind of fucked relationship we have with our fans well look at least at the very least you know some people you know subscribe and their names like glenn brown and we go yuck boring this sucks yeah at least they get to stump us and we get to talk about how fucking awkward we now feel yeah yeah and i mean look this is a this is a especially tough off the back of that last fantastic one that we had this would always kind of stick out but the the timing of it could not have been worse exactly like we've just you know what we just got to slide down a a big fun slide yeah and then we've crash landed down the bottom straight into a fucking... Yeah.

I'm really feeling the effects of having not eaten anything today yet at this point with this name. I'm really going like, you know what would be good? Some fucking... Some protein and shit. Right. Just like something working its way through the system, stimulating the brain. If I'd gotten up and had a nice little smoothie, I feel like I'd be cranking right now. But I foolishly decided to wait until after we've done all this.

And that little bit of oomph would have been really helping me here. Well, if it helps at all, I'm on his Facebook now. And, you know, at least you can feel good in the in the knowledge that if we ever run into this cunt he'll fucking bash the fuck through us for not getting his name right so this guy oh okay yeah we're dead yeah yeah he's already on his way over yeah well yeah he's um he seems like yeah i wouldn't be i wouldn't be getting his name. You know what? If I was in front of him right now, somehow I'd have his name right by now.

Yeah. The fear of God would get the pronunciation out perfectly. Well, I kind of almost feel like now that we know that he's going to murder us, we may as well just double down and have some fun with it, if that's happening anyway. Okay. I will say this about this name. If I got an email from this person, I'm not opening it.

Right. Actually, you know what? i'm going nice nice try nice try malware i'm not clicking this well you know i'm back i'm back i'm flipping the other way because i've gone into his facebook photos yep and i've now found a picture even though look he's three times the size of me yeah i found pictures of him in a dress and now fuck this guy oh okay yeah you think that, yeah, yeah. You think that's bad? I'm somehow... Okay. Yeah, I think dresses are just bad even...

Just in general. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In girls, I'm like, no, fuck them. It's meant that they've historically had less access to pockets. Yes, exactly. And it's like just one big tube for both legs. That's fucking tight. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just wear some proper pants. My girlfriend bought AirPods the other day and she's, you know, as anyone who owns AirPods is, she's worried about losing them. And I was like, well, you know, consider yourself lucky that you're not, that you don't have a lot of pockets and you're not going to have to run the risk of having the AirPods in the pocket and then going through the washing machine, as I have done. And she goes, oh, it's so hard being a man. The pockets have backfired for the first time in history.

I'm like, I'm not saying it's hard. I'm just saying, you know, just can't you see? Pockets, they're not all they're cracked up to be. There's a lot of downsides that come with them as well. Putting them in the wash, even just having a little bit of paper in there, and then you've got fucking scrunched up white shit all through your load of washing. That's no good. All right.

Well, look, I was going to... Look, you can see what I was doing. I was showing you pictures. I'm dancing around. I was... This young man who subscribes to us, Shion or... Sion. Sion.

We probably haven't even got it right once. Yep. Latukafu. He's, look, he's not from around here. He doesn't look like us, is what I'm dancing around. Yes. And I'm trying to figure out, I was going to make some guesses as to where he was from. Yep.

But now I've done the research and now I'm just going to flat out say where he's from. to where he was from. Yep. But now I've done the research and now I'm just going to flat out say where he's from. And this is remarkable to me because I don't think we've ever had someone from this place before subscribe. Okay.

I've never heard of anyone listening to us in this place. You know where he's from? Tonga. Okay. That's pretty good. That's pretty cool. I've never heard of us being listened to in Tonga before. So he still lives in Tonga?

Well, I just looked. I mean, look, there's no pictures of him in front of, you know, fucking Parliament Station or anything like that. Okay. It's all looking like he's... Look, he went to school. Distinctly Tongan. It looked pretty Tongan.

I was going to say Tonganese, but you're right, it's Tongan. Are you sure this isn't Chris Lilley doing a character? Look, good, very good point. Very good point. That doesn't seem like it's make up to me. And look, if you want to insinuate that, when he comes over for the 500th slash 600th show, which I'm sure he's about to do,

he can take that up with you. Well, my cousin lived in Tonga for a bit and she used to listen when she lived in Tonga. So maybe this is a friend of my cousin lived in Tonga for a bit and she used to listen when she lived in Tonga. So maybe this is a friend of my cousin. Maybe she got the Tongan branch of the Little Dum Dum Club fired up. Maybe she was doing our campaign that we had a while back where she wrote, listened to the Little Dum Dum Club on a toilet cubicle wall. Oh, yeah, yeah.

She could well have. She did this and then Sian, for some reason, decides to go to girls' public toilets, read the inscription on the door and got right into it. Maybe that's what's happened. You dirty fucking pervert, Sion. When you said before that he was wearing a dress, was this actually something that's relevant to his culture? Absolutely.

Okay, fantastic stuff. I had a feeling that might be the case. Yes. Fucking hell. Hey, as long as I never meet this guy, it's all good. Yep, yep.

So, yeah, actually, when I was saying about him coming to the 500 and 600 episode, that's been cancelled. It's not happening.

Yeah, don't come. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't come. Don't come anymore. Well, thanks, Sean. Thanks,. It's not happening. Yeah, don't come. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't come. Can't come. Don't come anymore. Well, thanks, Sean. Thanks, Sean. Sean. Sean.

Actually, look, let us know what it is. I'm now keen to know. I mean, we've fucked it. Yes. We've really fucked it. There's no way we have got this right in any way. This is a huge chance of... What we've just said in the last 10 minutes is a huge chance of then being the snowball that turns into us on the next time SBS do an insight about cancel culture.

Yes. Where we're like, all we did was belittle this man for wearing a dress, mispronounce his name, talk shit about where he's from. Yeah. And next thing you know, the mob with pitchforks and flaming torches are coming for us. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then we end.

And that's all on Insight. And then the next night on Channel 9 News, we get to be on that for having the absolute fuck beat through us. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then we have our own show on there.

Yeah. Well, thanks, Shion. Thanks, Shion. Le Ticafu. I reckon I'm closer to the last name than I am the first. Yeah, yeah, for sure. That sounds right. Yep.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. Uh-oh. Not again. Oh, my God. Speaking of being cancelled. All right. Let's just take a deep breath and just open yourself up for thinking differently and not being...

What number is this? This is number four. It's number four. It's just got a very... It's got a five vibe about it. It's got a very five flavor to it. I know. It's got a five vibe,

but it's not. It's number four. So, all right. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber,rew downey okay hmm yeah that's it so uh uh robert robert's dad dad sure no wait no because it's just a robert downey senior yes uncle yes um i thought the junior just implied that he was someone's child. Yeah.

I forgot that it means that he's got the same name. Yes. It's funny to be... Was there like another... Because it's funny to be Robert Downey Jr. and still use the junior when you like... I guess it sounds cool. But it's like your dad's also going out for roles and you need to distinguish yourself you know well maybe he was famous to some degree he probably was he

probably was like he was probably never you know he was probably on a couple of episodes of fucking he's lucy or something back in the day and then he's like so he's he's known vaguely in the industry and robert downey Jr. has had to go, well, I'm not the henchman that comes in in that episode of The Honeymooners. I'm not that guy. I know you guys all like that guy and that guy, blah, blah, blah, but I'm the different guy. And then all of a sudden he's become this massive fucking guy.

But then you can't just make a couple of movies and then drop the junior. Yeah, that's true. Can you? And the junior yeah that's true can you and the junior it does sound cool do you reckon he he would be tempted like that would be good to petition him to go come on mate you're 60 yep you're not doing senior robert downey senior yeah yeah the idea of someone being a junior just being called senior even though he doesn't have a son called robert yeah yeah that's funny yeah it's I've grown up. Yeah. He just wants to let everyone know he's old.

He's old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A real man who's like leaning in. I'm not dying my hair. I'm not getting, you know, I'm not getting work done. So me and you, when we hit 60, we should just change our names to Senior. Senior Dasolo. Yeah, to Tommy Dasolo Senior.

What are your son's names, Tommy? No, I'm just old. Yeah. That's great. Yeah. That's a great idea. But were you junior before? No. No. Because being young is the default. Yeah. Oh, your son's name's Tommy. No, I'm just old. Yeah. That's great. Yeah. That's a great idea. But were you junior before? No.

No. Because being young is the default. Yeah. Being in your 20s is the default age. I just, when you read my name before you meet me, I just want you to have the right sort of picture in your head. Yeah. Yeah.

Of what you're about to run into. Yeah. You're not going to see a TikToker. No. You're going to see someone who's vaguely familiar with Facebook yeah yeah that works yeah an instagrammer yeah well someone who loves someone who loves instagram apparently maybe that should be the once you're on there it's like you can only get on there if you've got if if you go by senior they vet you on the way in when you say just add senior to your name yes yes i get what Yeah, yeah, yeah. What username do you want?

Oh, just at Dassolo would be good. That's the one I use on all the others and then it's like you hit submit and then it's like your account's now ready. Yeah. At Dassolo.sr. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What the fuck?

Yeah, yeah. Instead of the old, oh God, someone's already taken Tommy Dassolo. Now is it going to be Mr. Tommy Dassolo or the Tommy Dassolo? Yeah. Tommy Dassolo comedy. Yeah. Tommy Dassolo. Now, is it going to be Mr. Tommy Dasolo or The Tommy Dasolo? Yeah. Tommy Dasolo comedy. Yeah.

Tommy Dasolo underscore 1986. Yes. I like the one where it suggests, what about, you know, Dasolo 2022? Yeah. Like, it just suggests the year that you made the account. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's picking that out of all the options of, like, having to make a concession? Who's thinking the best one is like, yeah, I'll just timestamp it with when I made the account.

That is. My favorite year. That is good to do. That would be good to do to seem younger. Just like pick a year that's like, not say anything. Just pick a year that's five years after you were born. Yeah. Just put that down.

You know, you don't have to say this is the year I was born, but that's implied. That's the low 1991. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But that's implied. That's the law 1991. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be nice. That'd be pretty good. Yeah. I'm sure people have done that.

Like if you're lying about your age, which is common, maybe doing that and then like the hotmail address being the thing that undoes you. Because you got it before. You've just held on to it all this time. You got it before you started lying about your age. And it's like, hey, it says here 83.

Oh no, I'm actually, I'm 20, I swear. I was born in the year 2000. Not 1981. Yeah. Andrew Downey though.

He's an original. I'm looking him up. I'm going back to the book again. What are you hoping to find out by looking him up? Just his age, whether he's an Andrew, whether he's a senior or a junior. Yep. Okay. Yep.

All right. He's got one mutual friend and that's Sam Mack. Okay. Yeah. Interesting. He is a, He is a... Hmm. What vibe are we getting?

I'm getting a 30-year-old vibe, maybe? Hmm. That's on the cusp. Yeah. Oh, look, maybe... Because junior, senior, that's the thing, is that it's all relative. Hmm. I'm going with early 30s.

Early 30s? Okay. Yeah, you can pull off a junior. Okay. He's still junior? All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Downey Jr.

I mean, to both of us, he's definitely a junior. Yes. But to Azuma, he'd be a senior. Yeah, it's all relative. Maybe the juniors and seniors from now on. Nothing to do with your parents just all depending on who you're talking not even a permanent name it just depends who you're talking to well we're i mean we're one of the few cultures that doesn't have that

like a a a specific thing that you would use when you're talking to like relative to who you're talking to okay like a way of addressing someone who's either your senior or junior or your superior. Yes. Like senpai in Japan. Right, what's that? That is someone who's a bit older than you, I believe. Oh. It's used a lot at school.

See, that would be... It's your... Imagine the amount of stand-up comedy that would be made in English if we had that. When someone comes up to me and they said, Oh, hello, older person. I'm like, I'm fucking younger than you. I'm actually younger than you.

What the fuck is this? I like the idea of just doing it here as a bit, even though we don't have it in the culture. You'll see what they've been doing in Japan. Just trashing their language and culture. What the fuck's going on there? Yeah. This Japanese cunt thought he was older. Just trashing their language and culture. Yeah. What the fuck's going on there? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. This Japanese cunt thought he was older. I'm 31. Hey, he's fucking late 32. Yeah. What's this motherfucker? Yep. Are a gut fuck yourself? Yes.

Yeah. There we go. You'll be seeing this on the gala in a couple of weeks. Well, yeah. Sure. Yeah, Andrew Andrew Thanks Andrew Thanks Andrew Yeah look we do have

We've got other stuff to do Oh shit Times I mean we had a meeting You know an hour ago Just to discuss how we were going to riff on those four notes Yeah yeah yeah And that worked pretty well

So that's why we have to have these meetings Yep I mean we couldn't have come up with that Sweet riff on the Tonganese guy. No. Without all that planning. Where we just sat there and didn't pronounce his name right for about 10 minutes. That was a decision.

We both knew how to pronounce it. But in the meeting before it, we were like, this will be funny. Let's get it wrong. Yeah. Being wrong is funny. Yeah. Being right. Boring.

Not doing your job correctly is very funny. You know what's not funny? When someone's on a game show and they answer the question correctly and they win a lot of money. Good for them. It's an inspiring story, but I'm not slapping my thigh. Yeah, if Mr. Bean had walked around and just did all his little odds and ends correctly all day, he would never have been watched on airplane screens in non-English speaking countries all these years.

If that little kid had have come in to the barber shop and Mr Bean puts the bowl on his head and cuts his hair and the kid and his mum are like,

best haircut we've ever had. Yeah. Boring. Yeah. If he had had a fourth wheel on that car. Yes. That's just a car.

It's just a fucking travel documentary. That's just vehicular manslaughter. We are the Mr Bean of podcasting. You're right. Yep. Yep. So let's just do the one more.

Let's just, I reckon just one more. Yep. All right. Let's just do that last one. Starting really, really soon. Sorry, I've just got a bit of time to kill because we have our meeting planned in two minutes. So if we finish right now, we'll have nothing to do for two minutes.

I really need to piss, so I'd love to spend those two minutes doing that. All right, okay. Well, all right then. I'll change that and I'll speed it up. Oh, okay, here right then. I'll change that and I'll speed it up. Oh, okay. Here we go. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Jack Comedy Off. There we go.

Very good, my lord. That's a Bulgarian list that we've got there. Jack Comedy Off. Yeah, Jack Comedy Off. Well, thanks, Jack, and thanks to everyone who listens to The Little Dumb Dumb Club and supports the Patreon, most importantly. Get on there, patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub

for the bonus episodes. Just for the completists, that surname is C-O-M-E-D-Y-O-V. Oh, okay. Yeah, Romanian or Bulgarian. Yes, Romanian sounds about right. Sure. littledumbdumbclub.com for tickets to all the stuff we have coming up. Thanks

very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mate.