The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 599 - Greg Larsen & Cam James

Episode Date: March 23, 2022

It's an absolute muck fest this week as we welcome back GREG LARSEN and CAM JAMES! We spend a LOT of time discussing the history of Rotten dot com and public internet pornography browsing. Plus, Chandler's got a cute story about his child to tell, so we try and cleanse the palette by talking about meth pipes, Tommy's disgusting bathroom, and an outrageous new gig set-up in another part of the country! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Cam James and Greg Larson. We've got a bunch of live shows coming up very shortly. April the 2nd, we have the big 500th slash 600th episode at the Athenaeum Theatre. That's at 2pm in the afternoon and then straight after that is the after party up at the European Beer Cafe with a special guest DJ. Big bunch of fun. Then, of course, the next three Saturdays, Tommy, we're in Melbourne on the 9th of April, the 16th of April, and the 23rd of April in the afternoon, 4.30.

Big, big special guests. Tickets left for that. And then straight after that, Tommy, we are going down to the Apple Isle for the first time in a long time. That's the 30th of April on the Saturday afternoon. So people in Tasmania, people from Launceston, people from all around, travel up to Hobart for the afternoon. If you haven't been to Tassie for a while because you've been in lockdown, all that

sort of stuff, come make it a little weekend for yourself. Me and my family certainly are. Then Perth, we've got the rescheduled date, July the 16th. So a little while to go there, but still a few tickets left. So littledumbdumbclub.com is where you can get all of them. And also my comedy festival show starts next week, March the 30th till April the 10th. Then I'm doing it May the 1st in Hobart,

May the 7th and 8th in Sydney, and then the 17th until the 22nd of May in Brisbane. TommyDassolo.com for tickets to that. We will talk to you more at the end of the episode in Talking Dum Dum. But until then, enjoy this great new one with Cam James and Greg Larson. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us.

My name is Tommy Dasolo. And with me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, Dickhead. Two very special guests today. Please welcome back onto the show, Cam James and Greg Larson. Hello. Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg. That was our vocal warm-up before the show.

Yeah. Apart from also the last line I think we said before we started recording was, stop sucking off that boy. But there's too much context for that. There's too much context, but it's a nice little bit of behind-the-curtain comedy industry. It's the sort of comedy that gets left out that makes Dum Dum the best. Yes, exactly. Sorry to not give you your official title, Greg.

We talked about this on the podcast a couple of weeks ago, or last week maybe, that you were recently groomsmen at a wedding that I was at and you got introduced as Big Greg. Yeah, that's right. And I didn't know that was going to happen. It was a really standard introduction. It was like, oh, you know, here's...

And it was Mike Goldstein and Xavier Michaelides. It was their wedding, yes. Imagine. Big scoop. Comedy! That would be crazy. Imagine being the only Jewish pick-up. It was fucking funny.

Let's get back to the boy getting sucked off. I thought that's who we were talking about off air. But yeah, big Greg. Yeah, and the wedding celebrant said, you know, Mike Goldstein, Xavier Michaelades, and of course, Big Greg. I forgot that. You were the and introducing Big Greg. And it got a huge laugh.

And apparently the celebrant didn't know that that was a funny thing. Right. So was that in her know that that was a funny thing. Right. So was that in her script? That was in her script. She was told to say that. Great. And she thought it was just a genuine sort of term of endearment. You know, like, and she referred to me.

She kept apparently asking questions. Multiple times. Yeah. You know, will Big Greg be standing here? Big Greg, you know, and she didn't realise. Big Greg, do you have any objections about Mike and Xavier getting married? Say now or forever hold your peace. Big Greg, do you have any objections about Mike and Xavier getting married? Say now or forever hold your peace. Big Greg.

Yeah, it was cool. That's great. Tricking a woman, tricking like just a member of the public into doing some great bullying. Yeah. You know, just her thinking it's like just a general nice term of endearment. Yeah. She doesn't know.

The thing that, like the thing that we used to try and do is ring up telethons and get them to say all this fuck stuff and then say, oh, there's 20 bucks in it for the telethon

if you say Carl's got a fucking cucumber up his ass. Yeah. And they don't say that and then they send the bill out going, you donated 20 bucks

and me going, well, you didn't say the cucumber bit. So you're going back to them with the admin going, well, actually,, you didn't say the cucumber bit. So you're going back to them with the admin going, well, actually, technically,

you didn't say your end of the bargain, so no 20 bucks for the dying children, I'm afraid. That was literally a conversation I had to have with my mum when it came in the post and it was like,

you owe this charity 20 bucks or whatever and me going, they didn't say the cucumber bit. I told them to say on TV that I have a cucumber in my arsehole. Yeah,

I put the cucumber up there for nothing. I did it for the dying children and then they reneged on the deal. That period of your life when you commit pranks like that when you're still living at home, not thinking that the follow-up does involve your mum or dad getting a phone call when you're not at home to answer the phone or a piece of mail turning up. That's a fucking...

A knock on the door. Yeah, there's not much foresight going on. There's not much like... home to answer the phone or a piece of mail turning up that's a knock on the door yeah there's not much there's not much foresight going on there's not much like oh how's this how's this my my daughter fucking invented i believe a great prank the other day i've never thought about this but she did it and when she did it i was like fuck you just got me this is great this is a great prank so our bathroom is like it's not like your bathroom actually, Tommy. We're recording in your house. Your bathroom is quite open air.

There's quite a few windows in your bathroom. There are, yeah. There's in fact a window that leads into a window in another room of yours. Yes. So if you're in that other room, you can literally look out the window and see a dick pissing. I wouldn't say, that's awesome. I wouldn't say I can. Right.

I would say I do. Yeah, right. It's not an option. It's a daily exercise. Hang on. That's why you've got a sign on your front door that says public toilet, please come in. Women only. Please come in.

Do anything you want. Shit, piss, cum, whatever. So hang on, your bedroom window looks into your own bathroom window. No, so like right in the corner of the office, there's like a window that looks out onto a little mini courtyard where we dry clothes, and then that courtyard also has a window into the bathroom. So you've really got to want it.

You've really got to work for it. You've got to go into the office. It's doable. You know, a hard-earned thirst. You've got to stand up on the desk and have a little look. You really do. Look, put it this way. When you're in there with your todger hanging out.

My tockley. You definitely must come into your head that you're like, well, this could be seen at some point very easily. From that room. From that room. Yeah, but seen at some point very easily. From that room. From that room. Yeah, but also, I'm the only one that uses that room.

Right. So my partner's never in there. Oh, your partner's banned. When I showed up here, you had a... From the man cave, of course. From the man cave. When I showed up,

you had a big jug of water for me when I showed up and you said, just use the bathroom. And I did, obviously. I went in, I pissed and everything and I could hear faintly

somewhere in the house someone going, oh, yes, yes, yes. Yum, obviously. I went in, I pissed and everything. I could hear faintly somewhere in the house someone going, oh, yes, yes, yes. Yum, yum. Do it more yellow. Yummy, yummy. Yummy for Tommy. Don't flush. I don't like you saying this.

I want to drink that. No, it wasn't faint. I don't want that on the air. I was proudly bellowing towards the heavens. Yum, yum. I want to drink that yellow golden syrup. I was thinking itllowing towards the heavens. Yum, yum. I want to drink that yellow golden syrup. I was thinking it must be a coincidence. Yeah, yeah.

By the way, that S-Pen goes straight into my mouth. Yeah. And then obviously I started shitting and I heard it. It went even crazier. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was going, oh, yes, yes. Brown town. If it's brown, it's going to go down.

My throat. I love my toilet. I love my toilet in my new house. Thank God the lockdown's over and you can have people over. When I was just watching my girlfriend shit and piss for four months, it was awful. Boring. Needs some variety.

I've seen it all. You're just shitting in your own mouth. It's like, this is barely worth doing. I know. Well, no, because the bigger thing I think in that bathroom isn't being able to be seen from the office because it's like it is right in the corner and it's kind of blocked off by the desk.

Those windows kind of face out to like a big apartment building that's sort of across the street. And I do often think, can someone up on that balcony just see in here to me having a piss but then I'm like you really would have to be working for it. It really would have to be me looking up and seeing someone with some binoculars just trying to

No, no, no. It's not someone in the spare room just getting up for a little bit of fresh air and going oh my god, you're pissing it. Oh my god, this is the best day of my life. Oh, my God. Tommy's cooking dinner.

The gym that I go to is on a third or fourth story, and it looks down into people's apartments. And I was on the treadmill the other day looking down into a guy's toilet while he was having a shit. I'm like, yes. 15 minutes. How did you run on that treadmill with a fucking massive boner? How do you run with a rock hard shot?

At one point I was like, I've got to get a photo of this so I can show people. I pulled my phone out and I was like, what am I doing? I can't do this. This is pornography. You're not allowed to do stuff like that. It's absolutely gross. Also, just someone running on a treadmill taking a photo of anything is pretty.

Taking photos in a gym and they go, no, no, no. Guys, it's not as freaky as you think. I'm not taking a picture of a girl in a leotard. There's a guy shitting down there. There's a guy pouring out a log out of his ass down there. It's so funny to imagine walking into a gym,

seeing you running, taking a photo and then following your gaze down to a man shitting and then back to you and you've just got this smile on your face as you're scrolling

through your phone like, yeah. And there's just hundreds of other photos. Yeah, but he's taking a shit before he goes to the gym. Then he's up in the gym, he walks past the treadmill. What does he see?

Cam James looking at a photo of the thing he was doing 15 minutes ago. Big grin on his face. Huge tockling. Huge swollen tockling on the treadmill. And you're up there running going, how do I lose weight? And you're taking a picture going, oh, this is how you do it. This is how you lose weight and you're taking a picture going oh this this is how you do it this is a real way yeah yeah yeah i when i first started f45 there was like i was telling my friend about this day where one of the like one of the stations was being on the exercise bike and

then the station in front of that was doing the frog squats which is where you're like on your knees like thrusting your ass up in the air and i was just saying like it's very confronting like being on the bike while that's happening in front of you, because you're trying to stare straight ahead, but you're also like, someone's just moving their ass up in my face. I was telling a friend about this, and then later on mentioning that I'd moved gyms, and I'd moved gyms because I'd moved house. And he thought the story was, I'd moved gyms because I'd been kicked out for staring at someone's ass while I was on the exercise bike.

On the exercise bike? I want to eat that, I want to eat that. I want to eat that. Give me a fucking feast. But he's like, this was like three days later that we worked this out. I'm like, so you thought I'd been cancelled by my gym. He's like, yeah, I thought that was the story. You were just having a big old gaze and they're like, get out.

It's like the priesthood. They don't cancel your membership. They move you to another stop. Everyone deserves a fresh start. No, we've moved him down to Fernwood. It's not like the sex offenders where when I move into a new gym, I have to go around to all the members and be like, just so you know, I left my old gym for checking out some booties

while I was on the bike. Just so you know. I'm rehabilitated now, but still. Can you get those? You know how you get the TV screens when you're jogging or when you're on the bike? Can you get pornos on that? Come on, man.

Can you rig up a camera in the bathroom and have that on there? Hypothetically, could we put a camera in a toilet, right? I want to see the arsehole open. I want to get the angle where it actually opens up and you see the turds slide through like it's like a purse set of lips. And I'm jogging

and I'm running towards it and I'm getting closer. Yeah, going into the gym, you've got your laptop under one arm, you're just holding an HDMI cable. You're like, is there a way to plug this in and just get my own stuff going?

I mean, you just got free to wear. I don't really want to watch the midday movies. Because that's what I was into in lockdown. So I got used to exercising. So I can't really. I don't watch the morning show and jog. I used to work at a visitor information center and we had three computers, like an internet kiosk that people could go and look at stuff on the internet, right? kiosk that you could people could go and look at stuff on the internet right and we'd like there was always people that would come in who were like i don't know how else to describe it but

they were people who you know had different ways of thinking about the world you know this guy that came in and he and he and he was running for mayor he used to wear a big pink suit he'd take every flyer in the place and go, I'm running for mayor. I'm going to be the mayor of Brisbane. I'm like, okay, cool. He's running for the mayor of Brisbane, but yet he's in a tourist information centre

finding out about Brisbane. Exactly. And anyway, there's this one guy that would always come in and look at the internet. And one particular day, he had the screen, right? You have a screen that kind of swivels around. He had swiveled it completely to the side, so it was facing the wall,

and his head sort of turned around facing the screen so no one could see what he's looking at. And the thing that he didn't know was... In the tourist information bureau. In the tourist information centre. The thing that he didn't know is that all these screens, there's just a button on my computer where I can just go, what are they looking at?

And see the screen. Oh, hell yeah. That's awesome technology. Big Greg's in charge. Big Greg's really in charge. Big Greg's jacked in. It's like a cyberpunk novel all of a sudden. Why do you really need that function? Enhance.

Enhance. Why do you need that function in a tourist bureau? Like, why do you really need that? I think we're about to find out. Well, we're about to find out because he was looking up Bolt Porn but what was funny is he was just i watched him for a little bit like i just had my screen open going just for a bit just for a bit to see and but it was just investigating it was paid porno websites you know like you know i don't know what yeah but then but they have like a preview like you know just here's a few photos and it was him

and it was him just scrolling through quite quickly too like all the pictures then just going to another one just going to another one not even jacking it this guy wasn't even

jacking his well he wasn't jacking it at the public internet he was what a fruitless was he jacking it into the like the fairy penguin

brochures or something yeah and he was just he was just going through and just going and it was like he was just trying to absorb for the snake bank yeah like just trying to like loading up 10 minutes he's loading up he's like a goldfish he's got a really good memory but just for like a couple of minutes so he's getting that in the brain and he's going home and then he comes back and he wants to do it again. And then I just went to him. I just went, oi, mate, come on.

No dirty business. No dirty business. And he just immediately went, sorry, sorry. And then just got up and ran. Like he just sprinted away. He just went, sorry, sorry. And just ran away. The future mayor.

So if he had a, I'm assuming he didn't. He wasn't the mayor. He was another guy. Oh, he was a different guy. There was another woman that would always come in and call me Greg the Peg and stab me with an umbrella. And there was this guy that came and looked at the pornos. And he'd look at the pornos a lot. Oh, this is a regular occurrence.

Screen always turned to the wall and like craning his neck around. Well, that was the thing. That was the first time. And then every other time I'd be like, no pornos. You would say when he walked in every time. Yeah, I'd say like, you can't look up any pornos. Mate, no pornos today, yeah? And he's like, I'm not going to look up any pornos. Cool, a porno yeah he would not look up a porno for 10 minutes and then after 10 minutes when he

thinks he's safe he'd look up oh yeah because i remember that feeling of being uh so horny and having no access to that shit so i would would print a picture out on the family computer, which was in the living room. Mum and Dad just watching TV on the lounge next to me. So they're like, and then just folding it up, putting it in my pocket and going into my bedroom to jack off to Anna Nicole Smith or something like that.

Oh, I was going to pick that. I was going to pick that. It was always Anna Nicole. Are we rocking, what are we talking, black and white? Or is the Bone family shelling out for a nice beautiful colour bubble jet? There's colour coming out. And then mum and dad are like, why are we going through so much flesh-coloured ink?

The pink always runs out so quickly. Plenty of green left over. It's so funny, the idea of this picture slowly coming out. You've got a three-minute window where they cannot come in because there's nothing you can do. Like, it's just like, oh, just waiting for the picture. I remember one time getting on rotten.com and there was a photo on there of a woman who'd, like, scanned her breasts on the scanner.

So, like, just flat. And I don't know why I did this. I don't know why I thought this was a good idea, but I made it the wallpaper of the family computer and mum walked past i was looking at something else and i've like quickly minimized it and then it's just wallpaper i don't know what is that i'm not sure i don't know i thought maybe like i think i had a friend coming around i thought it'd be like maybe a funny bit for the friend. I thought the friend would see it before my, I didn't, you know what I mean?

Like, so yeah, I just, I'll never forget my mum's reaction. Like, well, if this is what you're going to use it for, maybe we'll get rid of the computer. Wow. Computer in the bin. No one in the family gets it now. Cause I've looked, I've looked, not even a porno. That's the pathetic thing. It's like, there's nothing sexy about just like smushed on the glass.

There's nothing sexy about it. I don't think it's sexy. Isn't rotten.com for people with their fucking heads chopped off? Well, that was the thing. Bit of a mix.

Bit of a mix. That was the thing. I got suspended for going on rotten.com once for looking up a photo of like a guy in like a chef's. Who's looking for tits

on rotten.com? I don't get it. I want to see a girl shitting on herself. I wasn't looking for tits. I just came across them. I want to see a girl shitting on herself I wasn't looking for tits I just came across them I want to see a grandma run over by a train

that's why I'm going to rotten.com Greg if I found out that you had been the webmaster of rotten.com it wouldn't shock me it's actually formed

all of our personalities absolutely it all goes back to this website I genuinely I was like I don't want to see the dead people

I just want to see like a bird perched on a guy's cock that was cool it was like a parrot a't want to see the dead people. I just want to see, fuck, like a bird perched on a guy's cock. That was cool. It was like a parrot, a full parrot. Meat spin? Yeah, meat spin. Is it still on?

I'm looking it up. Back in the days when it was just like, there was just one website that we all knew. You know what I mean? It's like so formative. It's like, there's too much on the internet now. Bring back the days of there just being like, four and one really fucked one.

But that was cool. It was cool that there were just websites. it wasn't this aggregate sort of social media when it was like oh there's a website where you can go and you can see things like this yeah yeah yeah because now it's just like oh that's called reddit you can anything that's out there you've got to sift through it yeah yeah whereas like there's a there's a there's all these different websites and there used to be a fucking there used to be an actual directory that you could buy as a book like a website a website directory that you could buy yellow pages or something yeah and you could and you could find out about websites that must have been so short-lived yeah it was a really really short-lived time yeah like before google yeah basically yeah it was like

in this really short interim period where like web search wasn't really a thing yeah so you got suspended you're looking at rotten.com at school yeah oh yeah and but i just got suspended because i specifically looked at a picture of a man in like a burger chef or barbecue chef outfit holding some tongs like smiling next to a barbecue next to a woman who was lying down, also smiling, with two sausages in her vagina. I remember that one. I remember that one. Yeah, and like... You could name any rotten.com image to me.

I reckon I've got it perfectly just lodged in the brain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and I had to sit down with the IT guy and go, did you look this up? And I just went, no, my friend Daniel did. I was like, okay, well, then you're both suspended. Yeah, great. I'm sure're both suspended. Yeah, great. I'm sure he loved that.

Yeah, he was. I just dodged it in my face like straight away. It was such an exciting time when someone would just show up at school and be like, you have to see this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a girl laying in a bathtub and she's shitting all over herself. Oh, yeah. It's a girl.

Okay, yeah. I guess I do need to see it. I might bring that back. Make that my thing at Comedy Fest. We'll just constantly be going up to people be like, okay, yeah, I guess I do need to see it. I might bring that back, make that my thing at Comedy Festival, just constantly be going up to people being like, check out this fucked video that I found. Hey, man, check this out, turning your phone around and showing someone a still image of a guy with a Coke bottle in his arsehole.

That's my whole festival show, just like, check this out. You were the festival club going up to David O'Doherty saying, check this out, a Fanta bottle up a guy's dick. I've got a power bank. Don't know if it's in Ireland, do you? I've got a power bank in my bag just because I'm going through my battery like nobody's business. Because people coming up to me after the show,

hey, really enjoyed that. Oh, I'll show you something you will enjoy, a fucking woman with a sausage up her vagina. That would actually be a fucking sick idea for a show, right? The whole premise is that you've gone back in time to a comedy show in 2002. Whoever's doing it has like frosted tips. Like a fucking little necklace, like a choker.

Yeah, choker kind of thing. And then just like fucking have a look at this, dude. And each image takes about five minutes to load just line by line have you guys heard about rotten.com they have to type in the URL

like the full URL of every website I think it's down I don't think it's happening no rotten.com no damn I don't think it's happening

and VALOR VALOR VALOR rotten.com finally finally it has become the dead cunt yeah

we need to do a we need to do a site of rotten about rotten yeah just like a just the screenshot of the error message Finally, finally, it has become the dead cunt. Yeah. We need to do a site of Rotten, about Rotten. Yeah. Just the screenshot of the error message. The corpse of Rotten.com. That actually would be a great oral history or something. Like if we could get everyone who remembers it,

and we'll put a book out or something. I'd love to meet who made it. Who made it? I assume they all killed themselves. For one final act, we're going to blow our brains out video it and then we've rigged this up to automatically upload

onto the site it is so fucked like it's like like a vine just like a repeating five seconds the concept of the concept of that

is so fucked up though because like if you now if I now said to you hey like I'm going to look up some photos of dead people you'd be like, oh, what? It's like trying to explain to non-Queenslanders about how we used to kill cane toads all the time.

Yeah, whenever I hear you cunts talk about that, I'm like, you're disgusting. I think I did watch videos of a guy stabbing himself in the balls with a knife. Stabbing himself in the balls with a knife. Did you see the one where it was like a guy just puts his balls on a piece of wood and then a nail through each testicle and then the camera sort of zoomed out and then he went like, hey! And Mr. Hands, do you remember that one? Mr. Hands? That's a guy getting fucked by a horse.

Oh yeah, yeah. The urban legend was that he died after the video was taken. Someone did die. I read there was a news article, actually not that long ago, I think a couple... The urban legend was that he died after the video was taken. Someone did die. I read there was a news article, actually not that long ago. I think a couple of years ago there was a guy... Really? Yeah, there was... It was actually a news story.

Like, it was in the news. I think he was a pilot or something. Rest in peace. For an airline. But this is why when they made... The plane fucked him to death. Stand by me. In the 50s where it's like, hey, there's a rumour that there's a dead body down in the forest.

It's like, you couldn't make that movie set now because it's like, hey, there's a rumour that there's a dead body down in the forest. It's like you couldn't make that movie set now because it's like, hey, guess what? My brother's got this fucked video on his computer. It's just in the other room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to go all the way into the other room. We learnt a lot about each other on that walk down the hallway. Stand By Me, the scene where they actually see the dead kid,

they're so fucked up. It's like this whole movie and then they just go, oh yeah. Isn't that the point though? Yeah, I know. But it's still. It's about the journey, not the destination. You know, once upon a time, I reckon someone saw that. And they just look at a dead kid.

I actually think it's like, I love that fucking movie. I think it's so, if we all heard there's a dead, maybe not today, but when we were 13, if someone said there's a dead body in the bush behind the house, you probably would go and like have a little squiz, I reckon. Yeah, you'd go for a little walk. Yeah. Go for a little stroll with the boys. Yeah, I reckon.

Yeah. I reckon that when that film came out, that was, maybe that was the genesis of Rotten.com. Yeah, the first Rotten. The young future webmaster was like man imagine if they didn't have to go on that fucking walk they nearly got hit by a train

what if it was just easier to see a dead body that kid got leeches that was their original what their original like tagline was like

just like stand by me but no Kiefer Sutherland there to yeah with a switchblade and Greg's saying the end's like it's fucked

because it's just a dead body it's like well yeah I mean they'd fucked because it's just a dead body. It's like, well, yeah, I mean, they'd be loving it if they saw the guy actually kill himself on live TV and that there's just a record of that video that you could just watch.

Instead of that, it's a newsreader from the 1970s and he blows his brains out live on the air. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, I haven't seen that. That one you can't find. That's the senator or whatever.

But yeah, there was one where he's like giving people like documents and he's like, now I just want to do this. And then he pulls out a gun and he's like, no, don't do it. he's like giving people like documents and he's like now i just want to do this and then he pulls out a gun i was like no don't do it he's like just hang on it's crazy that was the first thing i saw on rotten.com that is fucking and he goes like to my wife and children please turn away or something because they might be watching it that's actually stand back i don't want anyone to get hurt here it's actually the worst thing i remember that being that age

being like yeah 12 or whatever where you're just like oh i'm on the precipice of seeing something yeah fucked up and real and like you know you're still kind of being treated as a kid you're like this is the gate into adulthood and then getting to the end of it and going i should not have watched that everything's different now i've passed through the door Like honestly It changed my life Seeing that fucking video Watching a guy Kill himself I just thought Yeah I'll never be the same

I was the same When I saw that picture Of Anna Nicole Smith To be fair That scene That video Was step one Towards me

Just loving Looking through that window At my friends Taking a piss In my bathroom That you can trace it You can trace the history Directly back

That makes sense Because that window Wasn't there when you first moved in. No. That's been inserted. Yeah, and this is a rental, so I'm going to have some questions to answer when we finally move out. For clarification, it's not so much a window as much as a hole that's been smashed with a hammer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a sledgehammer. With wires and shit.

And there's gaffer tape everywhere. And it says the piss window. Yeah. It says, this is Tommy's piss window Do not obstruct And there's like There's cushions underneath So you can kneel down

And look through it And there's all these signs Get comfortable And it's so weird When you walk in There's all these signs That say it's okay to masturbate It's natural

It's natural Please do it I'm a good host I want people to feel comfortable In my house And welcome Like anything goes You know

Did you guys ever read That article about the guy That ran a motel in America comfortable in my house yeah welcome like anything goes you know yeah did you guys ever read that article about the guy that ran a motel in america that he custom designed to like have little peep holes in every room so he could watch couples have sex and his wife was just cool with it his wife was like i know what he's up to he goes into the he goes into the crawl space that's barely a story until you get to the wife. It's like, oh, yeah, this fuck dude drilled holes in walls so he could be a pervert.

It's like they're a dime a dozen. Now the wife. This is the clincher. This is what makes it a publishable story. Yeah, it was on Vice or something. It was an interview with the wife being like, yep, he did it for decades. And I knew he'd disappear for a few hours. I knew he was in the walls.

Boys and their toys. And he's 17 different man caves within the hotel. Speaking of jacking into various mainframes, I was just in Adelaide with my girlfriend. Went for a couple of nights. The mainframe. Amazing. Ticket buying.

Yeah, exactly. Dirty weekend. Yeah. Ticket buying. Yeah, exactly. Dirty weekend. Yeah. Did the show, and then, you know, you guys, you know,

travel a bit doing comedy, get your little systems down, get your little things about, like a hotel that you, you know, that you bring with you, to make the trip a bit easier. One of them for me is,

bring the HDMI cord. Oh, okay. Jack the laptop into the TV. Pop on whatever you want. Netflix, whatever. Yeah. So second morning we're there.

We wake up. We're like, oh, let's, you know, let's maybe just like watch a little bit of something before we go out. So it's one of those TVs

that's kind of like set in the wall but like not fully. Like there's kind of a bit of a gap. So I'm kind of hunting around back there to see if I can find

an HDMI port to get a cord into. All of a sudden I feel something behind the TV. I'm like, what the fuck is this? I pull it out. Meth pipe. Oh.

Big glass meth pipe. Wow. Hidden behind the TV. What hotel? Meth headquarters. Oh, okay. Fuck, I'm shocked. Comedy Festival two weeks away.

What do you do for a living? Meth headquarters. You work at meth headquarters. Smoking meth. Crystal meth. Getting high on your own supply. A hotel called headquarters. That's great.

This is the prime destination. The headquarters of meth. So what the fuck? I've never seen a meth pipe. Is it just like bullshit? Bullshit artists. These cunts fucking hooked on meth, man. These cunts fucking hooked on meth.

Yeah, you caught me. I love it. If rotten.com still existed, I'd send the photo I took of it to them. Like, check this out. A meth pipe. Pretty gnarly, right, guys? So, yeah. Like, I'm, like, because I can feel glass.

And I'm like, I kind of knew as I was feeling the shape of it. I'm like, this can't be. And pull it out. And I'm just showing my girlfriend. She's like, don't touch it. I'm like, oh, yeah. Also, of course. By the way way to your girlfriend

this is just the worst story of all time you're like oh let's just watch a movie I'll just plug in the cable absolutely oh look what I just found

absolutely I mean what do you think this is should we should we smoke it and prove just a test this is what it is

yeah yeah yeah just a test I mean we're stuck in this hotel we might as well just check it out and it's got a little bit of embossed thing on it.

It says Tommy's Meth Pipe. What a weird coincidence because that's my name. That's so odd. And I love meth. I already found it weird when you checked us in to Meth Headquarters, the hotel. And then you knew my name as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The loyalty program.

Welcome back. Here's some meth. Yeah. You won't need your pipe because you've left it from last time you were here. You booked the meth smoking suite. So here it is. So then, yeah, then we're like, we, I'm like, we better tell the hotel just because if they now find it.

You fucking nerd. We better tell the hotel about the meth pipe. I don't want to get charged for this. I didn't smoke the meth The meth was already smoked Yeah we'll go out And we'll buy some on the street And replace it Because otherwise they sting you

But it's always a different sort of meth Out on the street Yeah they know Yeah Because just I was like Well yeah we don't want to Like take this anywhere with us But we also don't want them to find it

And be like Hey you've been smoking meth In this hotel room Yeah So I then end up on the phone With about four different people, none of whom seem that fussed about what's going on or seem to even really understand what I'm saying. Like they're treating me honestly like I'm being the biggest meat of all time. So run us through, what do you say when you call down to the front desk?

Hi, just calling from room 1203. Oh, he's saying the real name Just found a Just was like looking for an HDMI port behind the TV And found a A drug meth pipe A drug meth pipe And they say what?

They go Oh, okay Tell someone who cares They're like Oh I'm like, yeah So just just wanting to put that on the record just so you guys know. Like, do you want to do anything about it?

And they're like, do you want us to do anything about it? And I'm like, oh, I mean, what? You could maybe come and... That's a weird request. Yeah, I'm like, you can come and get it if you want. Are they like going, do you need us to come and refill it? Yeah, yeah. Do you need a lighter?

It truly, it was like, the reason I described it in such a weird way is because I was talking to people who English was their second language and then getting up to the phrase meth pipe, I was like, is that like a colloquial, you know what I mean? Is that an Aussie-ism? It really just felt like it wasn't getting through. Is that like Kleenex? Is that like a brand name?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then, finally, two people from housekeeping come up, and I go, they're like, so what's happened? And I'm like, oh, well, we've just found it here. Two-man job, I like this. Yeah, absolutely. I'm like, we've got it kind of sitting on the top of the TV cabinet thing. And I go, yeah, I just kind of found it.

What a place. Yeah, yeah. On the mantle. Fully on display. Thanks to the weekly Adelaide Fringe Award, I assume. TV cabinet thing and I go yeah I just kind of found it quite a place yeah yeah on the mantel fully on display next to the weekly Adelaide Fringe award I assume so yeah

they come in and I'm like they're like so where was this and I'm like oh it was so it was just

kind of behind the TV I was kind of looking for an HDMI port and they're like oh well we can't. We're not allowed to touch the TVs. That's a job for maintenance.

That's not our department. And I'm like, you're focusing on the wrong part. TV's a bit player. That's an original part of the TV. So then, yeah, they just took it off our hands. And then my girlfriend's like, should we get an upgrade for this? It feels like you should right i think they're they through running through their heads is probably they're gonna want a refund

yeah some shit but i would be asking for an up or to be moved to a different room well yeah because then you go if people have been smoking this stuff in here and there's like it's not ventilate like there's no you know you can't open the window but, then I'm just going, well, how's this ended up here? That's what I... I had a sneaking suspicion that it's like, this is like a little hiding spot for housekeeping. Oh, yeah. Because I was going to say, if you were staying in there,

in what world is it a good decision to hide a meth pipe behind a TV? It could possibly be... What about just in your fucking pocket or in your bag or in your house? And also like you don't need to hide that shit if you're an adult in your own hotel room.

You can just leave it out. Who are you hiding it from? Unless it's a teenager or someone who's there with his parents or something. Well I ran into another comedian just after this

and I was telling them the story and they were like it's yeah I think it's partner. It's a couple right one of them's gone out yeah like here we go we're on here and then they're like oh i forgot my key or you know whatever and just come back into the room and then they've quickly and i was like you you've been in this you know in my head i was like that's the immediately that's where they went

i was like okay you've you've done this before yeah you've done a little sneaky well that's where they went. I was like, okay, you've done this before. Yeah, you've done a little sneaky. Well, that's the only explanation I can think of. They've just replaced meth pipe with porno. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The other explanation is they had the meth pipe. They're like, I'm getting on a plane. I'll just, like, meth pipes aren't that expensive. Maybe I can just chuck it, whatever. And they went, oh, if I chuck it in the bin,

they might go, oh, the meth pipe from room 1203. Oh, just put it somewhere where they won't find it immediately after I leave. Therefore, they don't know that it was my meth pipe. Yeah. It could have been there the whole time. So assuming it's someone who's like, yeah, I can't take it with me for whatever reason.

Well, then the next question is, where's the meth? Well, they've ingested that. They've smoked the meth. They've smoked the meth. They've smoked that meth. Smoked the meth. And they've had a really nice time. Yeah, they've come down for the weekend. They've smoked the meth.

They've bought a little meth. They've bought a little pipe. Yeah, gone to a state where they thought, you know what's a good idea? Sticking our meth pipe to a TV. Yeah. Yeah. I still think, I reckon it's house.

I want to go back to this hotel, get in a different room, move around behind the TV. But if it's housekeeping though, why? Like, I mean, again, you know, yeah, employers can be dicks sometimes, but they're not patting you down. You're not getting patted down. Like you can just still keep it in your pocket. Yeah, yeah.

You know? Yeah. I reckon kid, I reckon young boy, for all we know, the youth of today are smoking meth now as opposed to bloody sweet Mary Jane. Yeah, yeah. I mean, this is a hotel that I know a lot of our listeners were staying in when we did our show in Adelaide two weeks ago. Oh, it's that one. So presumably someone's listening and going,

oh, my fucking meth pipe. That's where it is. It's a dum-dum pen. Yeah, it could be. So yeah, go to the Ibis. They've probably still got it sitting out. They probably don't know what it is. Genuinely, everyone I spoke to

didn't seem like they knew what I was talking about. And even when they came and looked at it, they were like, oh, so do you want us to take it? And I was like, yeah. You're plugging in the HDMI thing, showing them Breaking Bad. I would have thought that'd be more...

And I found this out recently. A lot of hotels have rules that you can't plug in HDMI ports. Yeah. Because they want you to rent shit from their fucking... They don't want you to... I thought that's the thing you would have got in trouble for rather than the meth pop.

There was a bit of that. They were like, why were you behind the TV? To do something that's not a crime? We built it into the wall on purpose. So you'd rent Mr. Popper's penguins from our fucking... No, I thought I could hack the system. So you'd rent Mr. Popper's penguins from our parking lot. No, I thought I could hack the system. So is this your child's prank, hiding a meth pipe in the bathroom?

I don't want to go back to my child's prank. Getting Dad in trouble? After the journey that we've gone through, off the back of me saying that sentence is all... I did have an eye on you getting to that story, and isn't it fucked that I thought, a story about a meth pipe will cleanse the palate and maybe make it a bit easier to get back into the hijinks

of a three year old I think we'll push on and see if we can get back there at some stage okay we just need to slowly work our way into some like progressively more

wholesome content as the episode goes on if we can make this show a lot lamer in the next 15, 20 minutes, we can get back there at some stage. Okay, well,

I've been playing Elden Ring on PS5. We're back. All right, so here's the story. What about, what about, what about,

well, what about this? Should we talk about this or just the idea of this? What? What you were telling me last night about, about...

Me getting in trouble. Oh, no. What thing were you going to say? Oh, no. Now I want to hear about you getting in trouble. What were you getting in trouble for? I think I was telling you last night where I got in trouble at that gig. Was that the thing you were about to say?

No. Okay, well, good. Anyway, go to your other one. What did you hear about getting in trouble at the gig? There's no way you can bring up getting in trouble. I can't remember what you're in trouble for now. What was the thing you were going to say? All right, I'll say it first.

Well, overall, what's our favourite state for comedy in terms of people fucked in the head? In terms of comedians fucked in the head or audience? Comedians. Comedians. Oh, fucking hell, man. We've talked about this before. I mean, probably...

I'd have to say WA. There we go. There we go. Yeah, man. We've talked about this before. I mean, probably... I'd have to say WA. There we go. There we go. There we go. All roads lead to Perth. I wish we'd done a Let's All Say It on the Countdown. Just to hear a beautiful harmony. WA.

And again, a lot of great comedians have come out of WA. Friends of the show. Yeah, totally. The ones that leave. The ones that leave, I've got no problem with. The aforementioned homosexual couple of Mike Goldstein and Xavier Michaelides. Ben Russell comedians. That's where they first consummated their marriage.

Over in Perth, but then they left. They went up the Nullarbor, so to speak. Oh, come on. Yes! That's a rotten.com right there. Oh, sorry, we're trying to get back rotten.com right there. Oh, sorry. We're trying to get back around to the three-year-old story. I knew they loved mining in purple.

Mining for fucking kids! So why are we talking about W.A.? I thought they were minor, not packing. Oh, God. But just in the midst of this being like, yeah, W.A., comedians from there are fucked. Not like us in Melbourne, the intelligentsia. Not like us just sipping lattes for the last minute. Talking about gay sex.

Oh, I'm glad I've got my scarf on. We could put this on at La Mama, guys. You know what this is now? Dame Edna scoffing at the footy show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's like you, but smarter. This is the smart dressing up as a woman.

Barry Humphries putting his rouge on and watching Fatty Vought and being like, ugh. Look at that base level comedian. Hello, possums. I'm a woman. Imagine that. The Thinking Man's footy show. Fuck.

That's a great name for the show. Oh, man. But anyway, these idiots in Perth. No, the thing that I heard from someone last night about the next level of Perth comedy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the thing. So it's like a comedy club over there.

Have you guys heard about this one? Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? Very localised Leno. Perth Leno. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck yeah. A new club?

No. No, no. Who books that an existing club okay and so you know the one yeah you know the one

so then so obviously COVID's just got to finally got to Perth yep like many things thank God

taken a while for them to get things and they've also just gotten rotten.com as well yeah it's actually pretty sick I gotta find out about two girls, one cup in a year.

No daylight savings, but they're happy to take on COVID. Yeah, yeah. So they've just gotten anti-vaxxers as well over there and all that sort of stuff. So they got the comedy club there the other night. So then, you know, as we all know, all around the world at the moment, you know, there's rules of if you don't have the vax, you're probably not allowed in certain places and stuff.

You've got to show your Vax certificates, all that sort of stuff. So that's not any different with comedy clubs. That's a licensed venue, so you've got to show your bits and pieces to get in. Now, what the latest story is that there was a comic there that doesn't have the Vax, obviously doesn't want to do it or whatever, doesn't have a certificate, whatever, but he's still booked for the club. So then the club bothered to rig up a system to film a live stream of this comic sitting, not at home, like not what we did during lockdown and just zoom in your fucking shit from sitting at home.

Yep. Does his little stand-up routine in the alleyway, like 20 metres from the stage. Like at the back of the club. Yeah. Fuck yes. So the audience,

the full audience is inside. Yep. Seeing live from downstairs some cunt who didn't have the certificate ranting in an alleyway, in a piss-filled alleyway, and it's being projected up into the comedy club upstairs. And why, yeah, so what is it that makes this person such it's like,

if it's this or nothing, well, we've got to do this. Even having him on the screen is better than not having him at all. It's so insane to me. And so Mike Goldstein, I think, was hosting the show and he has to stop the proceedings after bringing comedians on and go, all right, ladies and gentlemen, for your next act. And then a projector screen is coming down. Great impression, by the way. Yeah, that sounds exactly like him.

Hey, fellow Aussies. Have you met my wife, Xavier? And then they project him from outside, but he can't hear the crowd inside. Of course not. No. Because he's not allowed in the venue because he's not vaccinated. So he's talking to a silent camera outside.

Meanwhile, Goldstein is on stage with a microphone during this, just shitting on him. Was he doing the low roasting? He's going like yeah okay good one and stuff like that okay well now i'm on now this is awesome every king should have this and the crowd are also yelling shit out at the screen too going like oh fuck off and shut up and stuff like that the idea that it's worth doing this like the audience might be in there it's like hey here's someone who we still want to present to you yeah who is vehemently opposed to the idea of being that. The thing that you've all done in order to get on with your lives.

To keep people safe. Was this the headline act? No, I don't think so. I don't think it's just an act. I think it's just an act. So it's like instead of just not having. Yeah, yeah. It's cut on.

Imagine being a Perth comedian who can't get booked at this club and like this is going on. I can't even get the alley. I'll do the alley I'll do anything just bump him just like everyone else gets to do an extra two minutes yeah

like what the fuck oh the alley's full I'll do the Nando's down the road if that's all that's going yeah wow that's really good yeah and again it's not

like it's like you know some huge headliner or someone famous or anything. Just some cunt. Just some cunt that they've had to do this for. The gala should do this. Find a comedian that's not gotten vaccinated and then it's just like, beautiful ballet theatre

and then it just cuts to someone next to the bins behind Luna Park. It's got to be on the steps of Parliament House. Because all of a sudden it's like, it must be confusing for the audience. It's like, well, why is it? Because this looks like a Weatherman Because all of a sudden it's like, it must be confusing for the audience. It's like, well, why is it? Because this looks like a weatherman cross all of a sudden.

Yeah, are we watching Tim Bailey or something? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Alright, well, we've all had a laugh but what is it? Oh, it's 26 degrees just outside right now.

Yeah, it's like the Project Whip like they whip someone on the screen. Because what's a good heckle as well if you're just watching the screen because you can't go

get off. It's like, get in or what? Well, it's like, get in. Yeah. Well, I think it's just so funny that clearly they've thought, this would be crazy and fun and exciting. But for the audience in there, they're like, oh, are we watching a fucking movie now?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, they're wheeling the TV. We're watching behind the news now for five minutes? It just makes no sense. Of course they're going to hate it. And everyone's getting up and walking out to go piss and go get a drink and shit. Is this?

You know what would be a great heckle? Is you walk outside and start screaming. Bash him on camera. Oh, yeah. That's a problem. Why didn't anyone do that? You run outside and start doing bunny ears behind him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm not asking you to name them, but is this someone that we know? Yes. It is? Not. The comic. We know him. Okay, all right. He's not a friend of the show, are you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, sure, sure. Okay. He'd be the sort of person, put it this way, if I gave you one guess right now, you would guess it. Hmm. Rove. Yes, Andy Vaxxer Rove.

Andy Vaxxer Rove refused to get it done. Say hi to your mum unless she's vaxxed, then fuck her. Yeah, Andy backs a Rove. Andy backs a Rove. Refused to get it done. Say hi to your mum unless she's vaxxed. Then fuck her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so that makes sense. It's like, well, I mean, we still want to have Rove on the show in some capacity. Hang on, wait. Rove who?

Rove, meth headquarters. There we go. I'm back, baby. You say something bad, but then you just keep calling back to it, and all of a sudden you've turned it into anti-comedy. That's like jazz, man. Do you know his real name is John Meth Headquarters? John Meth Headquarters.

Live. I love John. It's a shame John refuses to get the vax. Live from the alleyway. Please welcome a special drop-in. A special drop-out side, John. That's great. So do you think that – so when did this happen?

Last week, I think, right? That's what we heard. And do you think this will be coming back? Is this going to become a regular feature at this point? I really hope so. I think – because also it sounds like it went badly, but it also – like how do you think they were expecting it to go? Yeah.

They must have just walked away from it going, I reckon that went basically how we would have thought that it went. When we put an unvaccinated person on screen. The promoter at the club. Yeah. I don't think the club are going, oh, that was a bit of a disaster. You know what? I think the club has probably had the same comedians on for two years straight and gone, fuck, it's like Groundhog Day. Man, anything's good

let's mix it up anything's different at this point yeah let's get some let's get some right with none job from out in the alleyway

instead of having some fucking idiot befoul our stage let's just have him befoul the fucking alley out there yeah that's something

you should try you should try this at your gig yeah you should make make this a thing rip it off Cam you're on tonight.

Get you out. Can I do it from the toilet while I'm having a shit? You were on last night, actually. I did find this funny last night. So you were on first. Host Danny McGinley down at the Basement Comedy Club. And, you know, as classic comics, at the back of the room, outside the room, you sit there and you start going, what's this cunt on about?

So I'm doing a little bit of that last night with you. And McGinley's on there. First thing he's saying is bringing the mood down with all this COVID talk. A lot of COVID. Yeah, a lot of COVID. How depressing is COVID? A lot of people have died, haven't they? Yeah.

All this sort of stuff. Then segues into a bit of war action. Yeah. So the vibe of the room is red hot. Well, that's what's going on, Carl. He's a top Yeah, yeah. So the vibe of the room is like red hot. Well, that's what's going on, Carl. He's a topical comedian and that's the state of the world at the moment. Look, I just don't think that's appropriate for the stage, for the alley, yes. But for the stage, I think it's a little bit rude.

Trying new, really brutal gear in your beamed-in alleyway spot because you're like, I don't think this is going to go very well. I'm happy to just hear the reports later and not have to deal with the response face to face. Yeah, yeah. I'm happy to bomb. I just don't want to hear about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So he's doing a bit of that, a bit of, you know, a bit of downward sort of stuff. And the crowd's a bit, you know, probably a bit middle-aged last night because they were there to see Marty Sheargold was headlined. That sort of demo, right?

So they're hearing a bit of this. They're hearing a bit of, like, depressing sort of stuff. They go, hmm. And I'm sort of staged with Ken going, fucking a bit of this they're hearing a bit of like depressing sort of stuff they go and I'm sort of staged with Cam going fucking

check out the fucking cheerleader over here really revving people up with fucking great subject matter really good stuff and Cam's like

yeah funny then Cam walks on does 10 minutes about 9-11 and how funny it was I think you're really minimising my bit the story

the story is not about 9-11. It just features 9-11 prominently. The focus of it is how funny is 9-11? I've seen the bit he gets up on stage. It's like when I saw the people leaping to their deaths. I just cried. The bit where he acts out both planes going into the building.

And then he gets his phone out and plays like the audio recording of this guy calling the 911 from the 40th floor before he dies and he's putting like sound effects and they're like when the plane hits it's like boing

yeah and then you bring the guitar out and you've got a song that's called is it I love Osama or I love Osama and I want to suck his dick there's like

there's like 10 minutes of the song where it's just like... Is the line, am I quoting this right? Enough flying a plane into a building, more flying your cock into my throat. Is that, am I, I'm probably, I've only heard it a couple of times. I haven't gotten on genius.com to look up the lyrics yet. That's you. You're really undoing my work as an artist here. And I'm like, bring back the fucking war tour.

Get the innocent victims of the Ukraine back on stage, please. I really thought it's elevated material, but it was starting to go downhill at that point. And I was like, yeah, fair enough, actually. I could feel the crowd pulling away. This is just an electric vibe on a beautiful Friday evening. We have heard all about Ukraine and COVID. I'm probably not helping matters.

Yeah, what's left? What disasters are left to cover? What's Marty talking about? Bali bombing. No, no, no. There was a good bit where Marty brings out, yeah, remember AIDS? And everyone's like wow we've gone through

a journey remember AIDS just like remember great that we just fucking eradicated it no one's getting that anymore because Marty was on

the show a couple weeks ago and I was like you know exaggerating stuff by going you know Marty's on there going oh a bit of you know Expo 88

a bit of fondue and then last night oh the real stuff happened remember AIDS I'm like fuck that's so funny worse than my parody of his material Expo 88, a bit of fondue. And then last night, oh, the real stuff happened. Remember AIDS. I'm like, fuck. That's so funny. Worse than my parody of his material. All right.

Well, once again, we're a million miles away from being able to talk about a three-year-old. No, it's not happening. It can't happen. Fuck. We're getting further and further away. We're getting further and further away. I reckon we can sharply pivot into it. I think it's a nice little whiplash to go from, where did we start?

We started on how funny is gay sex? Yeah. Rotten.com. Can we get a- Meth. Well, we're getting near the end, so maybe this is just a nice little, let's send people off. Can we have a sorbet?

Can we have something? Can we have a bridge? Is there something we can talk about as a bridge, John, that doesn't involve the heinous content of the last 55 minutes? Yeah. What's a pleasant little experience? What about this? What's something nice that's happened to you recently?

What about this then? In Adelaide, you were talking about you were just in Adelaide. When we were in Adelaide doing the live pod a couple of weeks ago, I went and saw, I was hanging out with Kappa. The friend of John Nick Kappa was over there. He was going to his own show. Yep. I came along to have a bit of a look.

He was doing an outdoor show. And he goes, I'll sneak you in to me. And I'm sneaking this other guy in. And he sneaks this other guy in. And I go, hey, man, I'm Carl, whatever. And the other guy's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, Carl. I'm whatever his name was. I'm Wobbsy.

Yeah, big fan of the show. Big fan of the show. I'm like, oh, OK, great. Yeah, oh, nice one. And then we go into the show and we get talking. He goes, yeah, yeah. And I said, big fan of the show. I'm like, oh, okay, great. Yeah, oh, nice one. And then we go into the show and we get talking. He goes, yeah, yeah. And I said, what have you been up to? He goes, oh, yeah, just, you know, seeing Kappa's show now.

Went and saw Tommy's solo show before. Went and saw the boys, you know, Kappa and Blakey do their Brew Dudes sort of live show. And I'm like, oh, great. Was that all good? He goes, yeah, it was all great. And then he goes, so what are you here for? And I go, I'm here to do our live podcast.

The thing that you have found out about all these other things through. And that was the one thing he didn't know about. Well, don't feel too bad because when he says he saw my solo show and he also saw the Brew Dudes, they're on at the same fucking time. Oh, so I'm dealing with this liar. bad because when he says he saw my solo show and he also saw the Brew Dudes, they were on at the same fucking time. So I'm dealing with this liar. I don't know what's happened there. He's like gotten ten minutes in. And my show is just all one long story. He's like,

here in the beginning and going, I reckon I can work out how this ends. I'm out. I want to see two idiots drink beer for an hour. Have a taste of pale ale. Fuck's sake. I want to see Blakey call someone a coward for having an XPA. Yeah, I don't know if I saw that, gentlemen, but

part of the reason I wanted to get the meth pipe story on the air was to just make it very clear that I was in Adelaide on this trip with my girlfriend. Because there would have been, she came to my show and there would have been a couple of listeners of this who were at the show, maybe not knowing that I was over there with my partner. Just seeing me canoodle with someone after the gig and being like,

I've busted him. I've busted him with his Adelaide side piece. With his Rundle mole. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Like that? All right. That'll look good on the transcript Yeah

Bit of infidelity chat That's That's got us That's the best thing on the show so far That's got us settled Yeah That'll lead us nicely into It's a little walk in the park

The hijinks of a three year old Yeah Unless Greg Have you got any Nice flowery little stories You'd like to bring up Anything What's the nicest

I When we said that before, I was like, what the fuck do people talk about? Yeah. Like, what could I possibly talk about in a podcast that isn't, like, I want to suck your shit out of your ass? Yeah. What could I say?

The act out that we just got to was great. Like, oh, the other day my dog went, hello? Yeah, it's like, what is this fucking radio? We don't need to talk about normal shit. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, we can say whatever the fuck we want. What do people fucking talk about? I don't know what they talk about.

I don't know. They talk about their kids. Who's they? They, I don't know. They. Are we they? No, people on radio. Oh, okay.

Well, this is very radio. A little funny three-year-old story. All right, all right. Yeah, let's do it. All right. Greg doesn't look happy. No, I'm really keen. I think Greg's worried

because he gets horny whenever people mention three-year-olds. Oh, no. Now we're getting further away. That's a real... I can't do it now. Man, we're doing it.

For God's sake. I'm sorry. I had this sabotage urge within me there. Now we're going to have to do another ten minutes. I'm sorry. Is this the gig you got in trouble for?

I never thought I'd say this. Go back to 9-11. Get that gear back. No, okay. We're cleansed. We're cleansed. We've got it all out of our system. Big breath.

Yeah. Big breath. All right. So, I think this is a genuinely great prank right so this is what this is what my what blanket my three-year-old daughter does now i this is this is where this all came from the bathroom your bathroom yep with all the unmentionable features yeah yeah it's gonna get us off track don't mention all about that stuff that That's canon now. Yes. Whereas my bathroom is more of a stop it. Just thinking about

how funny the life is. It's just a big old mystery. All the mysteries of life. My bathroom doesn't have any windows.

It doesn't have anything like that. It's got the mirror. It's got the It's legal. Yeah. Yeah. It's a normal bathroom.

No views. no nothing. So, which means... Sorry, I've got to make this story quicker before someone jumps in. It's getting so hard, you've got to hurry. You better hurry up. There's a vein popping on Greg's head at the moment. Sweat pooling down his head. I cannot live like this.

I feel like I'm in clockwork orange. Eyes open. Ears wide open. Mouth gaffer taped shut. Here's a nice story about a bathroom and you're not allowed to interject. And a child. Yeah. And I'm at the stage and you guys are out in the alley Not mic'd up

Yeah Okay Yeah So She So I'll be in there having a shower right I'll be in there having a shower Yeah

What she does is She walks in Turns the light off In the bathroom Yep And then just walks off And fucks off And then that's it

So I'm now Doesn't sound like much But I'm now, it doesn't sound like much, but I'm now having a shower in absolute pitch black. Yeah, I like it. Have you ever had a pitch black shower? That is good. You can't get out or anything anyway because I'm out, I'm slippery, I'm wet.

I can't fucking find the switch or anything like that. Anything in that room? Nothing. Slippery car? No, that's good it's like you're in it's like you're in one of those

flotation tanks like an isolation tank being hot and wet and being completely hot and wet

slippery come on boys is that a great prank or not what's great about this is that the three year olds turned the light off

and then left the room. So she's actually barely in the story. Yes. So we can just go to town on wet, slippery cars without feeling like we're committing a heinous crime. Slippery cars. WSK chat. Now we're getting back to WSK.

Wet, slippery car in the morning. I've never had a dark shower, but I'd like to think I could just... I'm in there every day. I'd like to think I could kind of vibe it out. The muscle memory is just kicking in. Yeah, yeah. Because there is also, if you can see from there, there's a window from the hallway into the shower in our house.

God, your bathroom is filled with vistas, isn't it? Yeah. It's looking from any angle. It's high up and it's frosted glass. And my girlfriend did get a chair out the other day and just started knocking on the window while I was in there. Terrifying. Being wet, slippery Tommy.

Oh, my God. And it freaked the shit out of me. I don't know why. My girlfriend seeing my naked body when I wasn't expecting it, it did really scare me. Yeah. Well, what's worse? That or being completely blind and my wife coming in

and not being able to see anything. Yeah. Did you have to call out for help? It was weird. It was like, oh, no. And then I'm yelling at my child because she's the only one going, come and... Oh, she's the only one home. That's great. Turn the light on.

Daddy can't see. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Daddy can't see. Come and turn the light on. And her going, no, I'm gone. Come and turn the light back on and gaze upon my naked form. Dad was always making me laugh.

Wet, slippery car can't see? Yeah. I reckon there'd be nothing I would hate more in this world than walking into a pitch black room and turning the light on and seeing a naked, wet, slippery car. Out of nowhere. The shower's not on at this point. You don't know that anyone's

having a shower. You know what I've just realised? If she had come back and done that, it would have been nearly a recreation of that scene in The Shining. Remember when the little boy rides along, goes into a room,

opens a door, the bathroom door, and there's that wet, slippery old lady standing there. Wet, slippery witch. That would have been exactly like that. Yeah, that's The Shining. And how did you get out

of this sticky situation? Just me, wet, slippery, blind, sudsy, wet, slippery, blind, sudsy, limber. Your sense of sight isn't there, so your sense of touch, you're really able to feel the wet slipperiness.

So you laid down, because you couldn't say anything, you laid down, stomach first on the ground, and you slithered to the light switch. Come on, Blanket, I'm more scared of you than you are of me. I don't bite. I'm like a carpet one. Slithering through the house.

Slippery dad. Oh, slippery dad. Slippery dad. We're veering right into Greg Larson's comfort zone. I'm going to sue you for copyright, actually. Yeah, for intellectual property that we're infringing on. So your wife comes home and by this point you're just... A mess. You just haven't been able to get out of the shower.

It's been eight hours, I haven't eaten. Yeah, you're pruned up from being in the shower. That's pretty rare. That never happens. Wrinkly dad. Yeah, wrinkly dad. Just shit all over yourself because you couldn't

you didn't want to get to the toilet wrinkly dehydrated dad parched pruney wrinkly dad dry dad and Blanket's still just watching

Coco Melon for eight hours on loop just hadn't thought to come back and check on wrinkly slippery dad heavens above well we got there

I've got a headache from this episode just a just I think it's a good prank if anyone else wants to go out there and do it to someone else. I'd like to see. Yeah. I'd like to see the reaction of someone. I think it would be a cool prank.

Tommy, you could do it in your bathroom and then you're in the other room with night vision looking through the jack-off hole. Yes, having a little... And you can see... Yeah, having a little squiz. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can see everything. Nice. Yeah, I might fire up

the crystal pistol I brought back with me from Adelaide and I just treat myself to a bit of a romp smoke meth and scream at people while they shit

Viva La Tommy I'm gonna turn my girlfriend into my own personal Uncle Phil didn't Uncle Phil turn out to be a pedophile no that's Don Vito oh Don Vito

he's the other the other member of the Jackass adjacent family. The Jackass extended family. Yeah, he is. The Jackass plus ones. Viva La Bam. What a good show that was. All right.

It's all good stuff. We better wrap it up for another week. Thanks very much for joining us, Cam and Greg. You both have shows on at the comedy festivals coming up. We do. Cam, your show is called Electric Dreams. Yes. It's April 12 to 24 at the Comedy Republic.

Greg's helped me out with it a bit, actually. Yeah, we've both kind of helped each other out on our shows. Yeah. They're the dates. I would have thought it would have been April 9 to 11, but anyway. Oh, come on, mate. Just a lazy three-night run. Yeah.

And Greg's in thenight run. Yeah. And Greg's in the same venue. Yeah. I'm doing the whole run though so, you know, slightly longer. And I don't know

why I said it like that. I thought, oh, yeah, I'm actually doing the whole run. What show is this called? Oh, my show is called

We All Have Bloody Thoughts. It's just me squealing like a pig. Unhinged Greg. Yeah. It's probably my most unhinged ranting show

to date. Whereas mine is quite nuanced and storytelling. So, yeah, come see both the yin and the yang of two filthy groups.

You could see them both in one night. You could see them in the second half. You could do a double up. See Cam's show. Both. Have a little dinner see my show

sounds like a real ground zero for comedy for sure yeah it will be the 9-11 of comedy yeah it will be the

barley bombing of comedy in the sense that I'm going to blow up the fucking venue I'm not I'm not going to I'm not going to kill anyone

no oh wow big call big call two weeks out you will not be killed we'll be the judge of that mate I promise

when you haven't been nominated for any awards you'll change your tune pretty quickly not you that's a big boast he didn't kill anyone two stars

are you doing the other ones I'm doing what cities are you going to I'm doing Perth Brisbane Sydney and Newcastle as well. I'm doing Brisbane and Sydney.

Oh, yeah. Great. Hotbeds for you. Go check out all that stuff. Dumb Dumb listeners, go and see two great friends of the show. For sure. My Perth venue is the alley behind the comedy club. That's great.

I love that. Can you actually do your set there and beam it into my basement comedy club in Melbourne? Yeah, absolutely. But use the alley from the Perth comedy club? That's what I'm thinking. The delay will be crazy. Yeah, doing it. I shall be on it like four in the afternoon.

Doing my Brisbane show from the alleyway in Perth. The time difference just works out better. Yeah, that makes sense. It's just a bit better time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do it at six versus doing it at eight. Way better. Way easier.

Got the rest of the night clear then. All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. And they've done it again. Oh, my goodness. Fun times. Yucky, yucky boys.

Too many dumb little idiots in a room. That's what happens. Grotty. What a grotty episode. Like the boy set up the top of the show, plenty of live shows coming up. Getting really close to all the big important ones in Melbourne at the moment, Tommy. So this is go time for you guys at home. Melbourne, you're always great.

A little bit of hesitation at the moment but with getting out of the house I guess for you guys but tickets starting to move we're a bit about 60% full for the whole run of our afternoon shows Tommy the ones on the April 9th, 16th and 23rd they're always chock-a-block up at the European Beer Cafe

so hit the button on your little wallets now get along we've got some great guests booked in barely worth mentioning I guess the 500 600 shows since there's like three tickets left but um i think that we'll release a few on the day maybe there's three people listening that want to come that don't have tickets left fingers crossed uh so yeah i think most importantly don't forget to come because you a lot of people got their

tickets and they bought their tickets two and a half years ago. No, and yeah, people thinking that they need the tickets like reissued or something, they're all going to work. They're all still valid. They're all still current. Yes. Take it from us. Yeah. This isn't a prank.

Also, people that are struggling, they're hitting up Ticketek and not being able to get through, I believe if you hit up the Athenaeum Direct, you might have a little bit more luck. Right. You didn't hear it from me. Also, yeah, for the people asking questions like oh this is an old ticket um um i've got 1a but does this mean i'm now in 69 000 b no you're in 1a you've got the same seat just because they didn't just because it's been two

years they didn't fucking put it all in the tat slotto machine and draw them out draw a ping pong to different numbers on the seats yeah i really feel like because the last time we moved to this it was because there was a surge in covid cases and people were freaked out about leaving the house and catching it and we kind of felt like all right we'd better move it because we're just going to be performing to a bunch of empty seats from people that are isolating for whatever reason it feels like now we're going to have the same thing but because people couldn't work out what date it was or whether their tickets were valid yeah it's a real i test, this show, I think. We've finally gotten it down to just like, oh, look, there's still issues, but we'll

just have to take what we can get at this point. Yeah. Yeah. So, look, the point is now you've got, when this comes out, if you're listening to this hot off the presses, you've got bloody a week and a half to figure this shit out. So, find your tickets. April the 2nd, 2 p.m. Yes.

Get your marker out right now. Yes. Take your ticket off the fridge that says April the 25th, 2020. Yes. Cross all that out. Yes. Well, you can leave April. That's still there.

You can leave the two. You can leave the two. Just cross the five off 25. Leave the Athenaeum on there. Leave the Athenaeum on there. Leave your seat number on there. Just change the year and the actual date. You don't need to touch the month yep you don't need to touch the start of the year yep just come in just bring that ticket it's fine yes no one's got time

be realistic about this no company has got time or theater has got time to go you know what let's just change everything and so from now on we're going to have an absolute shit fight any time we put on any performance of any show. When you think about a thing that, in order to enact a business, has to exert a lot more effort, then that's probably not going to have happened. No.

No one can be fucked. Especially when they're doing, on that day I think they may be doing three shows, four shows in a day. Yeah. Maybe five shows in a day. No one has got the time to switch everything

around just move all the seats whatever the simplest decision is that's what it is if you come in and probably write dum-dum on with crayon and a piece of paper you'll probably get in yeah exactly yeah they'll go oh yeah that's how we did it two years ago you know what i was thinking about that i that must have happened because we've now this is there's been two other occasions where we have gotten pretty close to doing the show. We've gotten like a week away from the show happening. Yes. And so people have things come up.

They can't make the show. They're being like, all right, I've got to sell my ticket, as is always the case with a live show. The week before in the Facebook groups is people like off selling their seats. So there must be people who've flogged their tickets a week out from when we were going to do this in August and then immediately we're like, okay, it's not happening now.

We've moved the date. And they're like, no, I could come to that now. Yeah. Well, those people. I want to hear from people who sold their ticket a week before it got cancelled and moved and now are like, fuck it, I could have just come and had that great seat. Well, there'll be people.

I know there's definitely people that got rid of their ticket and then went, oh, okay, well, I'll buy it again. I'll buy a new one. I'd love to know. Some people got better seats. Yeah, yeah. I'd like to know what's the – there could be people who've done that three times. Yeah, yeah.

I'd love to know the record. If there's anyone who's done it more than once, just every day, new one comes along, they sell it it then i get a ticket i'm also fascinated with the idea of so this has been dragging on for two two and a half years there are some people that haven't bought a ticket once that are now going to get like three days out and gone i guess it's going to happen i'll just get it now yeah yeah yeah i've been i've been not taking the bait for two and a half years they were were never interested, but then they're just hearing about it so much. Yeah.

So much that it's like Stockholm Syndrome of like, I better go. Those people that buy tickets on the day that just go, and they were planning like in April 2020, we're going, I'll get one on the day. Then it didn't happen. Oh, I'm not getting it. Then the next one, I'll get it on. No, no, no. So literally for two and a half years, I've been checking the calendar going, is it the day yet? Yep. Oh, it finally is. Okay. I'll get it on. No, no, no. So literally for two and a half years I've been checking the calendar going, is it the day yet?

Yep. Oh, it finally is. Okay. I'll get it on the day. But also now it's earlier in the day. So there's not a lot of day there in which to get the tickets in. It's not like an 8 p.m. thing where you're like, oh, you know what?

I'll have lunch. Maybe I'll go for a little run. Yeah. I'll see how I feel around 5.30. I'm just walking down Collins Street at 1.30 in the afternoon. What's? Oh, yeah. That's it.

If you're buying on the day, 2 p.m. start time, you've got to be leaping out of bed and making the call. You've got to get your ticket, get yourself ready, have a little lunch, head on in. There's not a lot of time. Do what I've done this morning. Go for your little run and then give yourself time for the sweat to stop so you can so you can so the shower will take yeah then get your little you know um outfit on your podcast watching outfit on well that's because also you know it's a saturday let's let's assume you're treating yourself to a little sleep in you know you're getting up 10 10

30 11 yeah all of a sudden you're straight you're heading out in your little fucking hat and your little silk pajamas straight to see the podcast your little fucking hat and your little silk pyjamas straight to see the podcast. Your hat with a little twirly propeller on it. That's what we all wear. Yep. The listeners of this podcast. The listeners of this podcast. Oh, right, right, right.

That would be great. Hey, if any listener wants to organise that, a big flash mob, everyone in the audience, we come out to a room full of 800 people wearing the little propeller twirling hat. All going, dooo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you know what there is? What we will be looking out for, Tommy, is that someone a couple of weeks ago bought

like 12 burger shirts. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Out of the merch store. The logo. So someone's bringing along like 12 mates and they're just going to fill up a row. That's cool. All with the same fucking shirt that's cool now and what i believe is maybe these other people don't know what the fucking hell this podcast is okay that's what you want so they're all going to be like looking like fanboys of the show and then going who's that one yeah yeah who's

that one yeah yeah that's the one that's written on your chest right one to come to as a first one yeah i can't imagine it being very in joy or self-referential at all. We've been plugging that for ages, the hard reset of the 500th episode. All new. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, so yeah, that's coming up. We've got the month in April at the European Beer Cafe.

We've got the Tassie show, April the 30th. Exciting. Get along to the Tassie show. If you're the Tassie show, April the 30th. Exciting. Get along to the Tassie show. If you're in Tassie, no excuse not to go. If you're not in Tassie, what a lovely trip it is to go down there for the weekend and go to the Salamanca markets. Oh, yes. Yeah, that's fun.

What else is fun? Yeah, I like that. I'm bringing the fam down. Are you bringing the ball and chain? I don't know. She's got to see if she's got work stuff, if she can find the time. But she wants to. Her best friend lives down there, so she's very keen to get down if she can.

Well, similar situation. Don't Say Name has got a good friend down there and hasn't visited her yet. She's moved down a couple of years ago. So we're going down. And so I believe, I don't know. But then her friend, I think, listens to this show sometimes or whatever it is. So I think she's keen on coming to the show, which means that my wife and child might have to come to the show. Interesting.

Well, that'll shift some tickets. Yeah, if you're keen to come and meet Blanket, she's doing an AMA with a vocab of about 15 words. Yeah. Hey, ask me anything. I'm not necessarily going to be able to answer it. Hey, she'll have answers, but they won't make a lot of sense. Yeah. You can ask her about George, who I believe is a new imaginary friend she has right now.

Oh, cool. She's got one. She's in that age. Yeah. That's pretty neat. I don't think I've ever talked to someone that's got an imaginary friend. I didn't go through that. So, yeah, I'm sort of excited that she's picked George as an imaginary friend.

That's a good name. Yeah. It's very realistic. Yeah. She's got, especially given that there's not a lot of Georges in her when she goes to daycare or anything like that. Okay. I don't know where she's plopped.

Not a lot of Georges. Well, let's say zero Georges because I've gone and gone who's this George I keep hearing about and they're like there's no George

there hasn't been any George here since 1972. Whoa. Your daughter is friends with George the Friendly Ghost. Okay. Holy shit. Alright.

So it might be it might be a ghost but otherwise I don't know where the fuck she's plucked George from. Yeah. We'll get down and ask her at the show in Hobart. Ask her, is your friend dead?

Mm-hmm. Yep. If my girlfriend comes down, I cannot imagine her watching the show, so you will not be able to do an AMA with her. Yeah, yeah. Well, the only reason my wife will be there is because her friend might be vaguely interested in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I would imagine she's not really like, okay, well, I've come down to see you. You go in and watch my husband. I'm going down the shops. But she's got the excuse of the baby. It's like, ah, she won't want to be in the podcast. I better just hang out with her in the room. Yeah, yeah.

Play some solitaire. Well, we'll see. We'll see. Yeah, well, the one person in the room where if you smell something really bad, they've got the excuse. Yes. One person at least. Yes.

And then also, yeah, the next day I am doing my stand-up show, Turtle Island, at the Hobart Brewing Company. So, yeah, check that out as well. And then I've got Sydney, May the 7th and 8th. Brisbane, May the 17th until the 22nd. And, of course, starting next week in Melbourne, March 30th until April the 10th. It's all happening. TommyDassolo.com.

Come and see an hour of beautiful stand-up. What a time for live entertainment in Melbourne and Australia. Yeah, and you know what? The world. Yeah. Except in... Oh, yeah, we're part of the world. I think they're back in lockdown in China? The world. Yeah. Except in... Oh, yeah, we're part of the world. I think they're back in lockdown in China, I believe.

Okay. In a part of China. All right. I think they got some new strain. So, you know... That's something to look forward to. You went and did stand-up in China, so you're not planning a return tour anytime soon for anyone that is listening?

Not anytime soon. I would love to go back, though. Right. China was sick. What was the best thing about China? The food. Okay. We got that here. Oh, sorry, wait. The Chinese people. China was sick. What was the best thing about China? The food. Okay. We got that here.

Oh, sorry, wait. The Chinese people. Oh, nice. Learning about other cultures. Okay, that's cool. Yeah. Yeah. How very open-minded of you.

All right. Well, that's all the live bullshit we've got to talk about. Do we have anything to talk about off the back of that episode just then? Probably not. Just the...

Grotty boys being grotty. Yeah. Yeah. The best... Probably forgetting about all of that episode just then? Probably not. Grotty boys being grotty. Yeah, yeah. The best... Probably forgetting about all of that muck is the best idea. Lots of great episodes coming. We've got a few on the tank, so next couple of weeks are very fun.

That's it. All right, let's crack in. Let's crack in. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub is where you can go if you would like to support the show, become a patron, keep the lights on in here. You get two bonus episodes every week with great special guests on them,

lots of fun ones. And if you get on now, you get access to the entire bank of 200-plus of those mini-episodes that we've been putting out. So a lot of bang for your buck. And more importantly, you go into the drawer to get your name read out on this segment of the Little Dum Dum Club, immortalized in podcast history. Yes, let's do that. Thank you to everyone who subscribes to patreon.com slash littledumdumclub.

Always happy to have new members on board, of course. Really appreciate that you guys enjoy the show and think it's worthwhile donating to. But not only is it a donation, it's a purchase of bonus episodes, like you said. So it all makes sense. It's a real circle jerk. It's a real 69ing of a podcasting experience.

As we've said before, Patreon, the kind of mission statement of when they started out was you do the thing people are just donating to you know to say thanks for doing this thing and then very quickly it turned into no now it's people paying for the extra content yes that you put time into yeah and the main thing still goes basically unpaid yes yep um but that's that's the way it is and it seems to be working okay so you guys are happy we're happy let's let's keep doing it let's do it even more in my opinion um right let's uh let's read out some new generous names and by new people that may have been on the hook for quite a while

okay uh thank you very much to patreon subscriber number one first cab off the rank, or any, again, guys, Uber, what's fucking taking you so long? Someone, get in here. First cab off the rank, Keith Harwood. Keith Harwood. Keith, pretty, I would, look, I'll go out on a limb and say pretty universally, one of the daggiest names out there. Yeah.

I don't mind it, though. Yeah. Really? What do you like about it? That it's daggy. Right. Okay. It's my father's middle name.

That's cool. Not really. It's a... So you don't think your dad's cool in any way? I don't think he's... You think your dad's a dag? I don't think his middle name's cool. Was your dad a dag back in the day?

Hard to tell. How would you know? Well, asking him kind of knowing the sort of things he was up to. Like I've seen photos of my dad when he was 20

and he dresses and looks and is into all the same stuff that he has just been into his whole life. Old cars, never really been much of a partier,

never went through like a wild like 20s phase was just a very placid nerdy pursuits i think you've summed it up you've done the intel there you've had to go back and check out the thing and then you've made the decision your dad's not coming up to you going yeah i was a real dork when i was a kid oh but just him going this is what i did when i was 20 like he'll just tell a story and it's like, you sound like a fucking cool guy. Right, right.

Well, no, no, mine hasn't said this is, yeah. Look, I don't think he was a, I don't think he was a dork. What was your dad doing in his 20s? Was he, lived in Maryborough his whole life? Yeah, which is, you know, obviously a red flag, but worked at a car joint. Okay. So he can't be a complete poindexter that's for sure that's true and then he went and got a job at the lolly factory that was way that was i know that's a lot later but i'm just thinking about like the thing that i know of him that he's done over his life he seems pretty cool he's pretty he seems like a bit of a kind of a risk taker

it's like i want to own a pub yeah i don't care that it's in a city that's fucking hours away from where i live i'll just do that yeah well that seems pretty cool they start well yeah that that decision in particular wasn't wasn't a great decision no but it's not but he you know he's taking risks yeah he's living his life yeah yeah well you take a risk putting your dick in the microwave as well though don't you yeah but you don't go what a nerd who's done that? Okay, that's a... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's put nerd off the table. Yeah, you're not looking at the jackass boys and going, what a bunch of fucking geeks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, what a bunch of virgins. No, no, no. Look, between him and my mum, they set up a heap of businesses, which, of course, is risk-taking. And not choosing not to work for the man is cool.

Yep, yep, that's it. Yeah, that's for sure. So you say maybe he's single-handedly making Keith a cooler name. I think so. Through working in a lolly factory. Through just having it in his middle name as a passenger in his name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I'm sure we've probably talked about this before,

but yeah, trying to think of – I'm sure we've had this exact conversation before where we've gone, cool, cool Keith's... And I've just realised there's a guy called Cool Keith. Yeah. So there you go. Yeah. That's something.

That was him really trying to force that. Is that irony though? It's like, oh yeah, imagine. I'm not sure. That's the other name of Dr Octagon, which was of course his birth name. What's Cool Keith's real name? Of course, he's a hip-hop producer and rapper. Oh, his real and first name.

Oh, you know who Cool Keith's real full name is? Keith Thornton. Whoa. Okay. That's pretty funny. Okay. Similar friend of the show. Similar name.

Cool Keith is a funny name. It is good. Dr. Octagon. His other names. Black Elvis. Dr. Ultra. Crazy Lou. Yeah.

That's good. Black Elvis I really like. Yeah. Crazy Lou. I've heard that one before, but Crazy Lou I haven't heard, which I really like. Mm-hmm. Dickie Long Docking. Mm-hmm.

Man, he's got See, a lot of people go Old Dirty Bastard had all the coolest names And you know, great man Old Dirty Bastard Had all these crazy other names Cool Keith, my god He's also got Underwear Pissy

And number one producer That's pretty good That is, when you go on the Wikipedias of like rappers and producers and stuff, they've just got like also known as. It'll just be like a million other names. Yeah. See what? Like I should just be changing my stage name every six months.

Yeah. If you went on my Wikipedia, it's like also known as like a hundred different. Yes. Could someone do that with both? We've both got Wikipedia pages. different like yes could someone do that with both

we've both got Wikipedia pages could someone hack into the mainframe and give us and give us our rap alternative names yeah

and they can be based on all the stuff you know about White Chuck Berry from the show oh yeah yeah yeah White Dre

yep um yeah that'd be White Cosby yeah there we go that's good could someone have yeah also known as White Cosby. Yeah, there we go. That's good. Could someone have... Yeah, also known as White Cosby for me, please.

Whatever else you got in there. Rapper sort of names that you can get off whatever we've done on the show, whenever you know about us on the show. That would be fucking great. Birth name, Carl Chandler, also known as blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, all that stuff.

That's fucking awesome. That's your homework for this week. We want cool Keith names. Yeah. Fuck, that's fucking awesome that's that's your homework for this week we want cool keith names um yeah fuck that's so good well thanks cool keith harwood it's a shame that it's not hardwood yeah that really threw me at the start well get onto keith harwood's wikipedia page and change it to cool keith hardwood there we go yeah so you're cool and you've got a hard that's i like that someone's setting up a up a Wikipedia page just for someone who's been mentioned on this show. Yes. Yes.

Get into it. Like if you're in the Millionaire's Club, you know, if you're a Patreon subscriber, you can get into our little Facebook group called the Millionaire's Club. Get in there. If he's in there already, get in there. Pinch the picture of him fucking with a bintang in Bali at a sunset and use that as the main, you know, because that's one of my favorite things about Wikipedia

is the bizarre choices they make as the picture. Yeah, they've had to find one that's like a picture that's not like, yeah. And often like woefully out of date. It's like, it'll be from like 15 years ago. Yes. And it's like, surely you can find another. The one on my Wikipedia is a photo of us at Nick Cody's birthday party. That's the same as me then.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like there's other... There's like six people in the picture. You can find photos of me that aren't on Getty. There's plenty out there. There's plenty out there that aren't copyright. Yeah.

Yeah. Look, if someone can change my picture to one that's on getty i'm happy to pay for it okay but i don't believe there will be one no no so um yeah look guys again when you're hacking into the mainframe there actually give us a new picture there could be there'd be because you've done like photo shoots for newspapers and stuff oh yeah where those photos end up like on like a licensed thing, you know, at a certain point, they're just stuck in that thing where you have to pay to get them.

Yeah. There's probably one of you, you know. Maybe. From a photo shoot for like a festival show or something. Keith Harwood's not in the Millionaire Club on Facebook. So, look, feel free to jump in there, Keith. Get your money's worth and then we can get a peek of you. Next cab off the rank.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Nick Anderson. Nick Anderson. This is interesting. In what way is that interesting? I went to school with a guy called Nick Anderson. Oh. He's good friends with him. Oh.

I'd be surprised if it's him. Well, let's get into the Millionaire Club and let's see. Have a little look. Have a little squiz. Yeah. Show me his pic. I'll let you know. Have you got a few?

Have you got any secret? Have you got any mates that listen to this show every week? No. None? None. I've got several. And they almost, instead of catching up with me, I think it feels like they're just catching up with me by listening to this

and then every blue moon they'll hear me up and go, hey, what's going on? Are you still doing this thing that you did nine months ago or whatever? Here's this fellow. No, that's not him. That's not him. It's a picture of a man With a big ass beard

Drinking in a Child's pool In an inflatable Donut That's not the move That your mate Your best mate Would have done

Nah I mean Yeah it's the sort of thing He would have done But that's not him But that's not him That's absolutely not him I should also correct myself

My friend Dawes Dawes listens to this Shout out to Shout out to Dawes I've just been in my own head of him hearing that And being like, oh he thinks we're not friends Nick Anderson I feel like I've seen him on the socials You want to know what Nick Anderson

My Nick Anderson's nickname was at school? What? Nando's. Oh, why? N, Nando. Oh, that's great. Yeah. That's a good nickname.

I wonder if this guy goes by that. And if not... If not, you're welcome. Hey, this could be life-changing. You're absolutely welcome. That's it. It's rare that, you know, we come up with nicknames for people in this, and it's rare that they're actually good ones that you could use.

Yes. Yeah. It's rare that they're actually good ones that you could use. Yes. They're rare that they're not based in bullying in some way. Yes. Nando's is a good one. Nando's the one in Bourke Street, Melbourne. I feel like the city's had it hard. The CBD's had it hard in Melbourne, and I'm sure in other places. I do find it faintly funny that people are like, oh, let's get it hard. You know, the CBD's had it hard in Melbourne and I'm sure in other places. And I do find it faintly funny that people are like,

oh, let's get it back to the CBD. It's like, why? You know, everyone's doing, you know, whatever. Do whatever you want, I guess. But having said that, get back into the CBD for Basement Comedy Club every Friday and Saturday night. Yep.

But Nando's I find funny that the one in Berkstreet, I feel like everyone was doing it really hard except for them. That street is, that top of Berkstreet is fucked now. Everywhere is closed down except for Spleen and Nando's. Yeah. The sole survivors of the pandemic. Yeah. It's bizarre.

And they're quite opposite in the way that... Splane's been very, very... Shall we say overly strict with the COVID regulations and stuff? But I think Nando's have been like, nah, everyone needs a feed. Come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think they did it pretty hard and then they just went, I don't think there was a lot of checking of anything

when there was a lot of protests up there. Any chains I can't imagine. Like when things first reopened. And it's like, you can't imagine any McDonald's having people checking QR codes at the front door. Yeah. And doing head counts. It's like, no, no, no. There's only meant to be eight people in here at the moment.

Yeah. I just can't imagine a world where the franchise owner is fucking bothering. Oh, I mean, I'm sure I've said this before, but I found that very funny at one point in the last two years when I walked past the Crown Casino in Melbourne and said, we're licensed for 1,058 people. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, who's counting that?

Yeah. Yeah, any big... David Jones has a thing out the front. Yeah. You can't, you know, the maximum number, 120, it's like, oh, yeah, I'll just do a little... Yeah. I'll just use my X-ray vision and do a scan up onto the fifth floor, shall I?

There's no, there's no bouncer at the front with one of those clickers as you're walking in. Yeah. So, but, but that's, but Nando's, I, fuck, that killed me actually. Because, because I, I realised I hadn't had Nando's the entire time of lockdown or the entire time of COVID, I should say. Yep. Hadn't had it.

Yep. And then I went, almost walked in there one day and went, this is a nice little, oh, COVID's sort of, you know, we've got to the end of the hard bit. Time to treat myself to some Nando's. Yes. That's the real celebration. Yep. Go in there, show the little Nando's card. No, those points expired a year ago. Yeah. Go in there, show the little Nando's card. No, those points expired a year ago.

Yeah, when they said in a press conference to Dan Andrews, will you be getting on the beers tonight? And he said, I'll be going a little higher up the shelf. Yes. What he meant. Yeah. What he meant was some Perronais and some shits. Which inexplicably they have on a higher shelf than the alcohol.

They give it up really high, yeah. I reckon I have Nando's maybe twice a year and they're both during Comedy Festival. Right. Because of that little Burke Street one. Yeah. Pre-potty, post-potty. Just really...

Little Burke Street one? You mean Burke Street. Oh, yeah. The little one on Burke Street. Oh, the little one on Burke Street. Yeah, it's not even that little. But yeah, pre or post show, just really feeling the burn of Comedy Festival.

Yeah. Enough pizza. It's like you can trick... You can kind of trick yourself into thinking that the burn of Comedy Festival. Yeah. Enough pizza. Because Nando's is like, you can kind of trick yourself into thinking that it's sort of healthy. Totally. It's not,

but it feels like it's a cut above like a burger or a, yeah. I feel like in England, it's maybe even slightly, I get the impression it's slightly treated

as like a bit of a fancy, almost like a fancy food. It is. It's sit down. It's like, yeah, it's table service. Yeah, there's no like a fancy food it is it's sit down it's like yeah it's table service yeah there's no one uh well i think i think it's come down in the in the stakes over the last six months if you've been to the burke street one with cunts coming in with placards going don't bum me satan or whatever the fuck though but i mean that is the thing with nando's

where they're kind of kidding themselves where you go in and it's like, it's very casual here. It's like order up at the counter. It's just like a newspaper from six months ago on the table. And it's like, yeah, $18 for a wrap. It's like they're pricing it like it's the UK table service kind of thing. But it's like, this is fast food. This is takeaway. Get over yourself.

That is the fucking killer for me. An old newspaper in a restaurant fucking kills me. And I would say that burke street one is the fucking king of it i've been in there and it's it's months and months i was reading just being in and like yesterday's paper being there you're like i'm in a fucking crack den yeah oh they go this month old papers in there it fucking drives me crazy also i i again i I've talked about this, but they took all the newspapers out of McDonald's. And then I was always like, this fucking pandemic's over when the newspapers come back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they came back and I'm like, fuck yeah.

And then they took them away again. Okay. And I think that might be a permanent thing now. No more papers in McDonald's. Well, it's one of those things where any time a business can go, hey can just not spend money on this yeah that's great yeah um i'm looking forward to the day that i'm in a like a doctor's waiting room or a dentist's waiting room or whatever and just kicking back with a magazine that's like yeah there's this kind of weird thing that they're saying has come out of wuhan yeah yeah they haven't caught up to that yet that's gonna be yeah that's gonna be the great

like line under all of it of like okay we really are on the other side yeah yeah the the waiting room mags are slowly catching up to covid i guess it has been a long time well look i shouldn't complain it does make complete sense that they don't have newspapers in mcdonald's because i mean you know they're you're supposed to come into mcdonald's or whatever it is you know with masks on and and that's completely fair enough and all that sort of stuff. I mean, if that's what you're doing, if the people at work there have got masks on, if you're doing everything you can to eliminate diseases, the first thing you do is take away

those fucking newspapers that are absolutely caked in fucking pickle and sauce. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The filthiest fucking thing in the city are the newspapers in McDonald's. Yeah, it's nice when you're somewhere like that early in the day. Oh, absolutely. If you're doing something really early and you're like, you know what, I'm going to get a Macca's, I'm going to treat myself to an egg and bacon,

or you're at the airport or whatever it is, and you get the newspaper fresh. It's like, oh, okay, this is pretty good stuff. It's like clean sheets and fresh bread. Yeah, yeah. Nothing nicer, but then by fuck, do not read the paper by six o'clock at night. Even getting close to lunch. It is.

You're just trying to get news out of a Petri dish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Three years ago, you could have got COVID from the newspaper in McDonald's when it didn't even exist. That's where it started. Yeah. I think the Herald Sun in Wuhan is where the wet market McDonald's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's where it started Yeah I think the Herald Sun In Wuhan Is where That's it The wet market McDonald's

Yeah yeah yeah That's where COVID started It's a shame that now That there's just so many cases around And people just get it And they don't You know it's like You know

I just feel sick I don't really even know Where I got it from Yeah That we've lost that ability To just know for certain It's like Yeah

There were eight cases in the city My friend was one of them So I got it from him Yep That we've lost the ability To be able to go Yeah yeah, I definitely got it from that guy that was in McDonald's. They contact traced it back to the That's Life magazine four years ago that he read that I also did the crossword in. And that's where I got COVID. I want to hear more stories like that.

Yeah, me too. It is a bit sad. The few people that I've known lately that have got it, I'm like, where'd you get it from? They're like, I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, me too. It is a bit sad. The few people that I've known lately that have got it, I'm like, where'd you get it from? They're like, I don't know. Yeah. Like, what? Man.

Yeah, I miss that tracing. I want to hear the funny stories. It's just out there living your life. Everything's open. Everything's at full capacity. Fucking thousands of cunts have it. It's a shame. Anyway.

All right. Thanks, Nando. Thanks, Nando's. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Vincent Ives. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I like Vincent.

Both names. Vincent. Not your everyday knockabout name. No. Vincent and Ives. Ives I'm not so hot on. I don't mind it because I... Vincent's so strong and then it's just this very brief, this very short surname.

It does fall off a cliff. It's not pulling its weight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It does lend itself to a slightly longer name because the timber of the whole name would be excellent. But yeah, it's a bit of a... You know what? I'll tweak it a bit.

I'm going to have to alter the name slightly. Oh, what about... Yeah, go. If this was a lady and the name was Ivy Vincent, that's a name. Yeah, I like that. That's a good name. That's a good name. That's a good name. Ivy's a fucking great name.

What about this? Vincent St. Ives. That's immediately... Yeah, that's pretty good. That's immediately 30% better. I saw a friend of mine the other day who I hadn't seen for probably 10 years. Wow. Not much of a friend in my opinion.

Well, I wouldn't say we're not friends. Right. We didn't fall out. Yeah. Interesting that you can have those people in your life where you're like we're friends no communication for 10 years but no we're good pals well we were more kind of i guess we were more kind of peripheral friends but we were at a wedding together of like a mutual friend and i was like oh hey and uh he now lives out in uh ballarat with his wife and his two kids. His kids' names are April and Olive. Okay.

And I go, so when was April born? And he goes, January. I'm like, all right. And does Olive like olives? He's like, she does. Oh, okay. Thank God. Yeah, yeah.

If you were two for two of just specific names of things that are absolutely no relation to the child whatsoever. I'm just thinking about a name like that coming up on this Patreon read and being like, I wonder what that man, she's born in. It's like a whole lifetime of that. Totally. Like you would if you're naming your kid, you know, if you're naming a kid Nugget, you're like, all right, from the moment they're onto solids, it's an all Nugget diet.

It's a test. Yeah. It's a test for this kid to get through. Well, it's just like if you – it's on you because I think with a young – it's like you can shape what the kid – the kid doesn't know what it likes. Yes. You just have to be, hey, sorry, but olives are the only food that exists. If you want to eat, it's going to have to be an olive.

And also, look, I think definitely in this case study, me and my wife, when we had our child, the names that were coming up, it was definitely coming from her direction. It was like, I like this name. It sounds nice. None of it was coming from, what's this kid going to come in school? Okay, sure, sure, sure. Yeah. It was definitely like, aesthetically, that pleases me. Nothing to do with like, this is what, you know, it was like The Simpsons.

So what was the one that came up that got vetoed because you thought this kid will get bullied? Oh, I can't remember now, but there was a few ones where I was like, no, we can't do that. We can't be doing this one. Okay. So anyway, even the one that we ended up with, you know was a little bit like a little reticent going well i think this is an issue with this one and her going i absolutely don't care and i'm not listening to any suggestion you have and i'm like well that's worked out well i guess well you need that balance you need that worst case scenario but you can't always you know you can't you can't just go i'm psycho and i bullied everyone at

school and this is what i would have done yeah yeah no otherwise then it's like this is the thing is like kids will find a way yeah you you can pick you know you can pick what you think is the most bulletproof name yes and they'll still you know oh no it wasn't it wasn't one of those ones it was it was another issue and she was just like i don't care yeah like okay cool that's. Cool. Well, that decision's been made, I guess. Mm-hmm. I was just thinking about that just yesterday, actually. I was talking to someone about that where we didn't know whether it was going to be a girl or a boy and we had this girl's name locked in and we were so sure we didn't have a boy's name. Yeah.

And then half an hour before the child was born, we did a very quick troubleshoot of um session of what a boy's name would be and we came up with absolutely jack shit yeah i mean did you really feel that because some people do that where they have a kid and they don't name it for like fucking a couple of weeks well that's what would have happened if we had a boy we had fucking nothing i kind of like it yeah i think that's kind of cool i like the idea of just like bringing a kid home and just like. Untitled Chandler. Yeah, and being like. The Untitled Chandler Project.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I like the idea of like, you know, not basing it on like, this is what I want the name to be before you have any concept of the kid. Yes, yes. Just kind of live with it and vibe it out and be like, I'm getting a real. Is this a Vincent Ives? Yeah, I'm getting a real Vinnie vibe from this kid, from this of live with it and vibe it out and be like, I'm getting a real... Is this a Vincent Ives?

Yeah, I'm getting a real Vinnie vibe from this kid, from this blob. Yeah. As it's staring up at the roof. Yeah, the way this... Roofie. Call it Rufus. The way this is... But also, that's a great idea where you're going, oh, I'll just vibe, I'll just see what

he's into. Oh, he seems to be really into spewing and shitting and pissing. He loves the tit. Okay. Disgusting Chandler it is. Boob Chandler. Yeah. Fucking gross fuck Chandler.

Yeah, cool. Okay. Well, Vincent Ives. What you could do is you just wait until the kid's crawling and then you treat it like that octopus that was predicting the World Cup where you just write the four contenders for names and then you set it crawling towards which one it wants and then it's like, oh, that's your name.

Do a little Ouija board. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is actually a fucking great idea. That's cool. Put out like 12 names, like a clock. And they're random too. And then one day your kid asking you, where's my name come from?

Is it like a great grandpa? You're like, no. And then you've got the video. You're like, there you are. your kid asking you where's my name come from is it like great grandpa you're like no and then you've got the video you're like there you are look at that it's all on you and then they're they're watching it back

and they're like there's a name that they wish they had down the other end that they're not crawling towards and they're like no yeah yeah yeah sorry spewbag Chandler

but that's the one novelty name we put in there oh you're punking your kid by putting one dog shit one in yeah yeah yeah yeah nice yeah I Yeah, nice. Yeah.

I don't mind that. Yeah, I'm sorry. You could add James. Yep. That was on you. Yep. Well, thanks Vincent and Ives. Thanks Vinnie.

Yeah, with a little bit of a tweak you could, you know, you could have a good name. A fully, fully good name. Fully good name. Vincent's great. Vincent's awesome. Yeah, Vincent's good.

Ives, Ives I'm fine with. Yeah. The only other Ives I've ever heard of is Burl Ives, who I'm not super sure who that is. I think he was some sort of weird singer, but maybe some sort of like, you know, he's the double up of weird names because his first name was Burl. Yeah.

B-U-R-L. Yeah. Which is fucking super weird. Anyway, I wish we had time to talk about him because I don't really know anything about him other than his fucking weird name. I know he's had a weird career, but anyway, we're moving on. We don't have time.

No, we don't have time. We've still got a couple of names to go, surely. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Chanel Wiseman. Ooh, this is good stuff. A lot to unpack in there. Yeah, yeah, there's a lot to unpack in there yeah yeah there's a lot going on there yeah

Chanel you'd have to be putting in the baby the random the unplanned baby name generator yeah Chanel I'm surprised

fucking we didn't have that in ours my wife is she's a big one for like when I've been to Thailand, she's been like, I'll bring you back a name brand.

Go shopping and get me some stuff. Then I swear, I swear I bring back stuff that I'm like, this is fucking good shit. I'll get fake Chanel stuff or whatever it is and go, here you go, I've done it. I've fucking cracked the case. I've got the best stuff that you could have gotten over there. Here it is. And she'd be like, oh, here you go. I've done it. I've fucking cracked the case. I've got the best stuff that you could have gotten over there. Here it is.

And she'd be like, oh, thank you. And then absolutely put it in the cupboard and never bring it out. What sort of stuff? Like handbags and stuff. And I'm like, if I was a girl, I would be absolutely using this. This is the best girl stuff you can get. I've got it. I've got a fucking eye for this stuff.

Something's wrong with you. Something's wrong with your girl eye why don't you put your money where your mouth is and start just carrying this little chanel bag around the comedy festival instead of your little jansport backpack maybe i will yeah i bought two bags that fucking rule they are great bags and she does not use them I'm happy to wear one to a live show. Okay. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Come in, decked out in all the fake Chanel that you've ever bought in Thailand.

Yeah. And, yeah, look, the stuff that she won't use, that I swear is fucking good shit. Is good stuff. Yeah, okay. Well, we need to put it at the live show to the two ladies that are there to get a vote on whether it's good Chanel stuff yeah they can fight over it

man I was so impressed with my purchases and she's like ah yeah not for me yeah not for me well I'm out you're not getting any more

I've physically bought the best items you can possibly buy in Thailand for you it's hard though it's like buying fashion stuff

for other people it's a fucking no go zone yeah well that's it the last time I was like sorry she's like buy stuff's like buying fashion stuff for other people yeah it's a fucking no-go zone yeah well that's it the last time I was like sorry she's like buy stuff

I'm not buying stuff I've bought the best stuff there is and you're still I don't know now I'm like she's completely throwing out my judgment

do you think it's like she's putting I was positive I had the best judgment and now I'm like well I don't know where I am do you think she's

putting it away though because she doesn't like the bags or just because it's that thing where you're like you know what it'd be great getting this. And then you get it and you're like, I actually kind of have no use for this.

Yeah, maybe. Is it a taste thing or is it just a like? Well, there could be a possibility that I've, you know, bought her these dress sort of handbags and then she's like, how come you haven't worn them in two years and gone? I don't know if you've noticed, but we haven't been going out anywhere. Yes. So, look, there's a little bit of that in there. But I will say before that. Well, you need anywhere. Yes. So, look, there's a little bit of that in there. Okay. I will say, before that, she has plenty of chances. Yeah.

You need to organize like a, you know, say I'll take blanket for the night. Yeah. You know, you're off the hook. Organize a night with the girlies. Yeah. You don't tell her what the ulterior motive is here. Go like, I've got you guys like a booth at this like nice restaurant or like bar or club or whatever it is. It's really flashy.

So you really got to dress up, you know, really go all out, just really splurge and have a good night and just like, don't worry about the kid. Go out and have a nice night with the girlies. And then just as she's walking out the corridor, you just get a little peek at whether the Chanel handbag is slung over the arm or not. Don't worry.

There's been a few of them already, and she absolutely has not chosen that option. Left behind. Okay, interesting. Well, look, we are going together to a very fancy place called the Uni Bar in Hobart on April the 30th. So in my opinion, you know, anywhere called a uni bar is, of course, you need to really dress up.

Yeah. You need to dress up for a place that's selling jelly shots for $2 on Tuesday nights, I think. You need to dress up in red if you're not available. Green if you're ready to root. And yellow if you're kind of the... And maybe a black Chanel handbag if you're appreciative of your husband's choices. Making the effort. Yeah.

Yeah. So, anyway, Chanel. Yeah, that's – I think that would be – I wouldn't be surprised if that had been in the chamber for a name for a baby in this household. But didn't get the run. But I would have absolutely voted against your name being part of my family. Chanel. Chanel Chandler. Yeah.

Yeah. my family chanel yeah yeah so you think what you think your wife just had like high fashion brand names ready to go like donatella donatella chandler yeah yeah yeah she loves that shit you know she loves sex in the city she loves all that stuff yep so um no i'm i'm glad that wasn't in there but fear of wang Chandler. Yes. Yeah. But Wise Man's good, is it? Chanel Wise Man. It's a weird mix of high fashion brand

and some cunt who gave Jesus something as a baby. As a wise man once said, here's $10 on Patreon. Yeah. Oh, yeah? Thanks for the content, boys.

I don't think that's too wise. Yeah. As a Chanel. Thanks for the content, boys. I don't think that's too wise. Yeah. As a Chanel wise man once said, here's some money back in 2020. Mm-hmm. And we said, as two dumb cunts once said, keep it coming, Chanel.

Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Renew it. Direct deposit each month. Yep. Put your credit card details in. Don't change your credit card

and then have it and then have Patreon kind of trying to get the money out and not able to get the money out. Keep it current. Yeah. Keep it coming. Yeah.

Well, thanks, Chanel. Thanks, Chanel. Let's just do one more. We've been here for a while. Yeah. You know, look, I don't feel comfortable stinking this bad after a run

and having you here and having to whiff it up. Well, look, we're a week out from the Comedy Festival and all that entails. There's plenty of other things to be getting done at the moment. Yes, yes. But you guys are important. But there's no use for us doing quite as many names as we usually do. Let's just cut it down to five.

We usually do a lot more. We do that so that on a week like this, we've kind of earned the license to just sort of, you know, have a bit of a breather. Yeah, like usually say if we do like 115 or something, then because we're doing five today, on average, we're doing 60 a week. Right, of course. Yeah.

All right, let's just do one more. Thank you very much to patrons. Oh, okay. Right, okay. This was this this rings a few bells this was uh a consideration and uh yeah familiar to anyway thank you very much to patients subscriber gucci comedy very nice yeah yeah i mean we've been described that way this podcast has been described as exactly your name out there so So that was in the mix for your naming your child. Yeah.

Well, comedy, yes. Thanks very much, everyone. Great stuff on the pod this week. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for tickets to all the live stuff we have on. TommyDassolo.com for tickets to my solo shows around the country. We will see you next week. Thanks very much for listening. We'll see you next time.

See you, mates.